#WOW I LOVE MY BITCHY WIFE

[ratatatastic]

congrats to niko "oilers killer" mikkola for having 10 career goals so far and 4 of them being against the oilers he hates that fucking team

[undreaming-fanfiction]

I love a good florist Steve, but what I love even more is a good but naturally bitchy florist Steve.

He'd have his own flower shop and years of dating experience under his belt. He is not just a good boyfriend, he is THE good boyfriend. Going to his shop isn't just to buy a bouquet of flowers, oh no. It's a whole relationship coaching thing, he teaches husbands to do better, gives courage to teenagers asking their crushes out, gives advice regarding flower language to elderly ladies who just want to be slightly passive-aggressive...you know, the normal thing.

He has a catalogue with flower pictures to help people who have no idea what the flowers are called, they just know they were orange and didn't easily wilt.

He shows a local teenager the cheaper but still fancy options and throws in a bunch of free flowers that aren't really up to his standards. "Okay, you say she likes pink flowers. Does she like things to be a bit more decorated or does she prefer simplicity? You don't know? Okay, can you describe what she normally wears? No, I'm not being creepy, but you can sometimes tell the person's preferences from their clothes. Now answer or leave dateless."

He chats with the elderly ladies of Hawkins when they ask for a flower to gift to their fellow church ladies when they host their meetings. He cackles when he hears some of their orders. "Oh wow, Ethel, a yellow hyacinth? Would you like a gift card with that, something like sorry you're such a jealous hag? No? Of course I know the meaning, it's my job."

"Are you expeting her to say yes to the date with that atrocity on your face? Yes, I know it's a moustache. But it's also an atrocity. Shave it and thank me later. Now, would you like a ribbon for that bouquet?"

And most of all, he grills the unlucky conservative men in Hawkins who come to him for flowers for their wives without any idea what they like. "I see, so you want something pretty. What does your wife like? Flowers? Well, that's not specific. What kind of dresses does she wear? Expensive? Can you tell me anything about your wife's personality? ...nagging. No, I can't just mix something together, unlike you, I take pride in gift giving. Okay. I don't think this is a shop for you. Yes, that's what I'm saying, I won't play a part in your wife's disappointment. Oh sure, go take your money elsewhere, but I can give you this advice for free - you married a unique human being, so treat her like one. And if you really want a happy marriage - maybe come back when you learn something about her as a person. No need for that language, have a good day, sir."

For those that are more receptive, he goes through their partners' personalities and hobbies, suggesting date options and absolutely roasting the bad ones. "A football match. When your girlfriend hates sports. I don't care if it's your boys playing, you can try telling her that this is important to you and you'll take her out another time, but if you try to pass this as a date, you'll be single before you say "sorry". A date is for you as a pair, not for you only."

But the best thing his shop brings him is Eddie Munson, who sneaks in, absolutely ready to be roasted, and asks for a bouquet of bright colorful flowers for his best friend Chrissy. "She just got divorced from her asshole husband and I want to show her that she can have nice things. Platonically. But she deserves so much more. Uh...she really loves warm colors, so maybe yellows and oranges? What are they called...gerberas! She likes gerberas! And she likes things to be a bit messy and imperfect, so maybe some leaves there as well? A green ribbon would be nice."

And Steve just beams at him as he gets to work and says "Oh wow. Whoever your partner is, they are so lucky if you remember all of these things even for your friends. Makes a guy jealous."

Eddie just wiggles his eyebrows at Steve and mutters, "that position's sadly open. Has been for a while. Interested?" and he almost faints against the counter when Steve turns around.

Eddie is ready to run.

But Steve just fluffs his hair, reapplies his lipgloss and asks: "Where do I apply?"

[sexiestpodcastcharacter]

Sexiest Podcast Character — Scripted Bracket — Round 3

Propaganda

Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives):

sex man hehe

Is almost exclusively described as "the hot one"

alright reblogging again because im invested in tim winning. he deserves this win. he’s a bitchy truamatized bitchboy and i love him dearly. he deserved nothing but the best after experiencing The Horrors and getting little to no explanation for it, only more questions, and then dying for a cause he had no idea was good or not in the end. he was so fucking hollow and that’s so substantial to me. and yet he still slutted it up in hotel california with cops to get info for people he borderline hated and yet loved so dearly. he’s flawed, angry, mean, a little nasty. i love him and he deserves this win. sexy is a term ranging both mental illness and hotness, because this is tumblr. vote for joe spooky

Renée Minkowski (Wolf 359):

killed a man with a harpoon while bleeding from a gut shot. you can't argue with that kind of sex appeal

There is a scene where the main character Doug Eiffel expresses his surprise at the fact that Minkowski, his commanding officer, has a husband. It's probably intended to be read as "Oh wow, she's such an uptight and boring stickler for rules, how could she have found someone to marry", but in my heart it is because she's so butch that Eiffel's brain is short-circuiting trying to figure out how it's not a wife back home. That is sexy!

[eastgaysian]

Sorry this is a dumb question but can you explain why tomshiv is not abusive? Shiv seems to hit a lot of textbook behaviours of emotional abusers

thank you for your follow up clarifying this was in good faith bc i checked my inbox yesterday right after getting high and was like man come on. don't do this to me. but yeah i can talk about it, it's obviously something i have a fair amount of thoughts on

on a fundamental level, i take issue with the assertion that there are 'textbook behaviors of emotional abusers' in the first place. distilling abuse down to a set of behaviors is, imo, effectively meaningless and totally unproductive. it's not the behavior of an individual that defines abuse, it's a specific and intentionally cultivated imbalance of power and control within a relationship. victims of abuse can and do resort to survival mechanisms that could be considered in isolation as 'abusive behavior', the point is that you can't consider them in isolation. there's a gulf of difference between the same actions when they're coming from a person in a position of significant financial or physical or social power over someone else, or when they're coming from the person at a disadvantage.

i think viewing abuse as a set of behaviors also encourages you to treat interpersonal abuse as if it's discontinuous with systemic abuse, which is inaccurate and unproductive. a key part of succession's premise is that, because the family is literally the business, the familial abuse within the roy family is inextricable from the broader systems of capitalism, patriarchy, and the sexual violence and abuse endemic to them. with regards to how the show satirizes and critiques these systems, i think it's very telling that all of the characters are to some degree complicit and/or participants in abuse, but logan is the only one i'd say is unambiguously and intentionally presented as 'an abuser' (whose abuse is not an isolated product of him as a person, but integrated into/inseparable from the capitalist system which persists after his death). still, logan isn't reduced to a one-dimensional angry, abusive dad, he's given depth and complexity. his continued insistence that he loves his children isn't treated as something that's untrue, but that doesn't make it inherently good, and it certainly isn't incompatible with him abusing them.

circling back to tom and shiv. their relationship is unhealthy, it's not good for either of them to be married, shiv does fucking awful things to tom and tom does awful things right back, i'm not questioning any of that. but at my most cynical and bitchy, what it comes down to is quite simply: shiv doesn't have enough power over tom to be abusive, systemically or personally.

the thing is sometimes you see people say 'wow, if the genders were reversed people would say tom and shiv's relationship is unambiguously abusive!' which... hrm, but really the issue is that. the genders are the way they are, that's for a reason, and yes, that does make a significant difference in how we perceive their relationship and power dynamics. tom holds very real and present power over shiv as a man and as her husband, proposing to her when she was vulnerable in a way that placed huge pressure on her to accept and then trying to get her to have his baby so he can become patriarch. shiv's the heiress with the legitimacy of her family name and generational wealth but she is continuously, unavoidably subjected to gendered discrimination and violence. she's never allowed direct access to real power - she has to rely on the men around her, her husband or her brothers, and if they don't feel like humoring her she's shit out of luck.

this doesn't cancel out like a math equation, but it definitely makes things much more complicated than shiv being an Evil Bitch Wife to her Poor Pitiful Husband. when shiv finally does push tom too far, he immediately, successfully, goes over her head to her abusive father to fuck her over. maybe shiv wants to be her father in her relationships and exert the same kind of control he does. but she doesn't and she can't! she does not have that power! she cannot stop tom from kicking back and his hits are significant. as much as she might like to pretend otherwise, tom not only has always had the power to leave in a way shiv doesn't, he had and has the power to fuck her up badly, and he's used that power. that is simply not the power dynamic between abuser and victim to me.

i also have to say that abuse is not always going to be definitive black and white. in real life there are plenty of unambiguous situations but there are also plenty of complicated situations, and applying judgments to fiction is not always straightforward. i can't exactly call someone 'wrong' for personally being uncomfortable with tom and shiv's relationship or believing shiv is abusive, but i'm very skeptical of the viewpoint and the motivations or assumptions that are often contained within. if shiv is abusive, she definitely isn't uniquely so among the cast, so you had better be applying that label and any associated moral judgments equally across the board.

[madneedshelp]

You Make Loving Fun - Warren Rojas x FReader

Summary: You weren’t really a relationship girl. Sure, you had no problems with some fun and this was the era of free love, but you preferred to keep things as just fun. So, when your friend introduces you to the drummer in her band, why does he make you want to change this rule so badly?

Warnings: implied sex, recreational drug and alcohol use, adult language

“Karen, I swear I cannot get drunk tonight! I have a shoot tomorrow and I cannot be hungover. No drugs either, they make me sloppy in the morning.” You warned, looping an arm through your friend’s.

She tilted back her head in a laugh. “I promise to keep an eye on you, party pooper. You’ve got to have a little fun, though.”

“Of course I will, I just don’t want to mess up this gig. I’ve worked so hard and things are too fucking competitive out here. I will do my best to loosen up a little bit, though.” You gave her a grin that mirrored her own. 

Karen was one of the few good friends you had out in LA. You came out here to pursue modeling after you were scouted soon after high school, and you’d spent the past couple years working hard at it. Not to brag, but you were doing alright for yourself. You were grabbing a drink with some coworkers of yours, which you had to admit were a little insufferable and bitchy, when you met Karen. 

Now here you were, at a party thrown by Karen’s new band. The Six seemed like cool people, Karen definitely liked them better than her previous bandmates, so that made them okay in your book. She was right though, you did need to relax a little bit. This party might’ve been just what you needed. 

“Everyone, this is my good friend, YN. Y/N, that’s Graham, Warren, Eddie, Billy, and Billy’s lovely wife Camila.” Karen announced to the group. 

You exchanged pleasantries with everyone before more people started arriving and the group dispersed. It wasn’t long before Karen drifted off to talk to Graham and you decided maybe one drink wouldn’t be the end of the world. Loosen up, you told yourself. 

“Hey, Y/N, I’m Warren.”

You jumped a bit as you finished pouring yourself a glass of wine, startled by the immediate presence of a curly-haired man. 

“Oh, hi, and I remember.” You chuckled as you turned to face him. He was cute, in a playful way. He seemed genuinely happy, which was something a lot of aspiring musicians these days didn’t exude.

“So, Karen tells us you’re a model, that’s pretty cool.” He gave you a nervous grin.

You nodded. “Indeed I am. It’s not as glamorous as it looks all the time, though.”

He leaned against the table, very obviously trying to be flirty. “Well, I’m sure if it’s you doing it, it looks plenty glamorous.”

That earned a laugh from you. He was funny. And actually quite attractive, you decided. “What else has Karen told you about me?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, she might have told us that you can be a little stuffy.”

A shocked expression took over your face. “Did she really? Wow. That hurts.” 

“I didn’t say I believed her.” Warren shrugged. 

“No, she’s kind of right. I’ve been working a lot lately and my agents have me under a pretty strict routine. That’s why I came tonight, to have some fun.” Your lips turned up in a sly smile. A rush of satisfaction flooded through you as Warren’s eyes traveled down to your lips. Two could play at this little flirty game he had started.

Suddenly, Karen showed up with Graham and Eddie in tow. “Hey, we’re going to go smoke out back. Do you two want to join us?”

You considered for a moment. If you stopped drinking now and only stuck to some weed, you’d probably be okay in the morning. “Sure, I’m in.”

“Really?” Karen looked pleasantly surprised.

“Yeah, apparently someone is spreading the rumor that I’m ‘stuffy’ and I can’t have that circulating.” You sent her a playful glare. 

“Well, you heard the lady, let’s go.” Warren grinned. 

About an hour later, the five of you sat out back in a comfortable haze. Karen and Graham had gotten surprisingly touchy with each other, and Eddie seemed hilariously out of it. You found yourself sneaking numerous glances at Warren. Weed made you a little horny sometimes, which you probably should’ve considered before agreeing to this. 

Luckily for you, Warren was also sneaking glances. You could tell the wanting feeling between you two was mutual. 

Before long, Karen and Graham slipped away, and Eddie wasn’t long to follow. That left you and Warren alone. 

“So,” He sat up beside you in the chair you two shared. “Did you have fun tonight?”

“Yeah, I really did.” You gave him a lazy smile. “How about you?”

“Me too, but I have fun all the time.” Warren chuckled . 

An easy smile played on his lips and you found yourself staring. He did radiate this comforting sort of vibe…honestly, he radiated fun. You weren’t sure at what point you started leaning toward him, but he had leaned in too. 

Before you knew it, his lips were locked on yours and you had your hands entwined in his mess of dark curls. He gave you a chance to break the kiss, just in case it wasn’t what you wanted, but you didn’t. You only kissed him back hungrier. 

Everything about kissing Warren was thrilling. It felt like light speed, but also as though the minutes had dragged into hours. At some point, he’d shifted you into his lap to where you were straddling him and his hands drifted comfortably to your hips. 

“We could…take this upstairs to my room. If you want to.” He whispered breathily into your ear.

“Sorry, I only fuck guitarists.” You whispered back with a joking smirk.

“Shit, I guess Graham will have to give me some lessons then.” He let out a raspy chuckle that sent a flutter of warmth through you. 

You kissed him again, with the same passion resuming almost immediately. “I suppose I could make an exception this once.”

– – – – – – – – – – 

You were still grinning as you tugged your dress back on. Coming to this party had definitely been the right decision. 

“You don’t have to leave now, you know,” Warren murmured from the bed. 

All giddiness faded from you immediately. You never stayed. Relationships were messy and stressful. Your work was stressful enough for you, so you tended to keep your personal life more casual. 

“I should go, I have a shoot pretty early in the morning.” You didn’t look at him as you put your heels back on. 

He was silent for a beat. “Well, could I call you sometime?”

The pit in your stomach only deepened. You felt guilty at the tinge of rejection in his voice. There was something else too, though, but you couldn’t quite put a name on this other feeling. 

“Warren, listen, I’m not exactly looking for a relationship right now. I’m sorry.” You grimaced, unable to make eye contact. Normally, you didn’t have to do this part because most guys didn’t question things when you left right after.

“Could I call you if we don’t make this a relationship thing?” 

You didn’t really do repeats either. That bordered too close to attachments usually, but something in your gut made you nod. Deep down, you kind of wanted to see him again. 

“Yeah, I think that would be okay.” You said hesitantly. 

After writing down your number, you slipped out the door and went to find the exit. As you sat in the cab on the way home, you realized that the odd feeling you couldn’t name earlier was longing. A part of you had wanted to stay with him. Honestly, you weren’t sure if you trusted that part of you. 

– – – – – – – – – –

You and Warren jokingly liked to call each other sex friends. It was a fairly accurate label, to be completely honest. Yeah, the arrangement started off as a sex thing, but you found that you had actually gotten to know him over the past few months and you enjoyed his company. 

Karen brought you along to a decent amount of band functions if you were off work, since your schedule was patchy sometimes. You enjoyed the extra time you got to spend with her, but you didn’t hate seeing Warren more too. 

You and Karen were lounging on some chairs in the studio one afternoon while you waited for the rest of the band, who were almost all usually always late. 

“Why aren’t you with Warren?” Karen asked out of the blue. 

“Why aren’t you with Graham?” You returned.

She sighed and stared off at the wall. “You know why. I love my work, and I’ll never be the woman that wants to settle down. I don’t want to give this up, and being with him would require that of me in the end.”

You shrugged. “Same for me. Work comes first.” Karen considered your words for a moment, and you could tell she didn’t quite believe you. “Just say what you’re thinking.”

“I think that for me, my work makes me happy, and this is the life that’ll make me happiest. If that’s true for you, I respect that one hundred percent, but I don’t think your work makes you happy like I’m happy.” You were about to protest, but she stopped you. “No, listen, I’m not saying you need to be with Warren to be happy. That’s not it. I’m just saying that you should really consider if this lifestyle is what you truly want in the long run.” 

God, you hated when she was right about things. You couldn’t even challenge her because while it may not have been what you wanted to hear, there was some truth to them. Did you want to spend forever just working and going home to an empty apartment? Hell, it’s not like modeling is a career that lasts forever. Did you really want to pour your whole life into a career that would be done with you before the next decade was up?

“And for the record, I do think you look happy with him. He definitely is happier with you. I’m not trying to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do, I’m just saying that, for the record, that’s what it looks like.” She added and gave you a small smile. 

You couldn’t go into the Warren spiral again. Not now. Your mind had been drifting there all too often lately. 

“I think I need to go.” You mumbled and grabbed your purse. 

Karen stood up with you and put a hand on your arm. “Hey, please don’t. I didn’t want to make you angry, I just thought you needed to hear it. Please stay.”

“I’m not mad, Karen. I’m just frustrated that you’re right, so I think I need to be alone to do some thinking, okay? I’ll call you tonight.” You grabbed her hand and gave it a quick reassuring squeeze before you headed for the parking lot. 

The universe, it seemed, had shitty timing. Keys in hand, tears starting down your face, you opened the door and ran straight into Warren himself. 

“Hey, Y/N, what’s…wait, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” The smile that formed upon your appearance quickly faltered from his face. 

You shook your head, not wanting to deal with any of it right then. “I’m fine, Warren. I’m just going home.”

But he couldn’t just let you leave. No, you had to pick one of the most decent guys in LA to be in a situationship with. He didn’t move from his spot in front of the door. “I don’t think you’re fine, and I would appreciate it if you didn’t try to drive yourself home like this.”

“Dammit, Warren, why do you fucking care!?” The words were harsh and you didn’t really want to say them, but they slipped out anyway. 

“Because I care about what happens to you. I just, I don’t know, I just care about you, okay?” He kept his voice calm.

“I didn’t ask that of you.”

“I know, but I can’t help it.”

You let out a shaky laugh. “The funny thing is, I didn’t want to date anybody because I didn’t want the distractions and complications, but here we are. Here I am. I’m a fucking mess. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t want to love you because apparently I don’t get to decide those things myself.”

He looked stunned for a moment. “You love me?”

“Yeah, Warren, I do.”

“Can I tell you that I love you too, or is this a bad time for that?” 

That mustered a weak chuckle from you. He always could make you laugh, even from the beginning. 

It really hit you then. Loving Warren wasn’t this painful, terrible thing. It was passionate, and warm, and fun, and it felt good. Maybe it wasn’t in your plan to love someone, but you hadn’t met Warren when you decided that for yourself. Love didn’t have to tear you apart, it could be a thing to keep you together. 

“No, I want you to tell me. Please.” You sniffled, looking up at him through your teary eyes as a fresh wave of tears were about to ensue. These were the happy kind of emotional tears, though. 

“I love you. I’ll love you for as long as you’ll let me.” Warren said softly.

He bent down and kissed you then, and as he did, you got the feeling that you would let him love you for a very long time. 

[lightofraye]

Hi there!

Per your request, I cropped your name!

Now to your message.

First, aw, wow, thank you for such praise about my blog! I honestly do try. I know I have my bad moments, where I become bitchy, and sometimes I have moments where I am mean. However, there’s a large difference between being human and being a constant emotional abuser.

Ahem. I digress.

Your line about mushrooms made me think of The Dresden Files and a line out of it.

“As far as the Council is concerned, the U.S. Wardens are a bunch of mushrooms." "Eh?" "Kept in the dark and fed on bullshit.”

― Jim Butcher, Turn Coat

Regarding your description of parenthood… I love it! It’s so true. The first couple of years after my son was born, it was… not easy. I was exhausted, running on fumes, struggled to take care of myself while dealing with an energetic, needy toddler. Being a single parent was hard. Is hard, what am I saying.

I’m inclined to agree with you. From what I’ve seen and heard, Danneel barely spent any time with the twins. I think she’s a bit more bonded with JJ than the twins, but clearly not nearly enough, given the death glare she gave JJ during the NYCC when The Winchesters was announced. (And that got Danneel a dirty look from Jensen!)

As for being a wife… that’s on her, sadly. She doesn’t want Jensen home; she wants him out, at work, all the time. Even when he’d been gone 9 months out of a year for filming Supernatural, she’s not happy when he’s home. So when Supernatural ended and he suggested a vacation through Europe, she said “No. Get back to work.” Wow.

I agree with you. A friend, family, anyone I knew who went through a traumatic experience like that—if I had the money to fly out there, I would in a heartbeat. Even if they called me in the middle of the night, at work, it didn’t matter.

(Also agreed to your message here.)

Yeah, the bit about her twirling her hair was so dull and bland that I was cringing every time it came up! And she’s rapidly losing her beauty… oh wait. She’s completely lost it. Her face is so over-worked, over-filled, Botoxed, face-lifted, you name it—it’s so bad, it’s unrecognizable to the way she originally looked! Otherwise… the gymnastics claim has me suspicious because if she did study gymnastics she would’ve been able to excel at cheerleading! But she didn’t. She did so badly they stuck her in the back so no one would notice she didn’t know the damned moves. Singing? We’ve heard her sing. Horrific. So, the claims of knowing how to play piano? Doubtful. Act? We know she can’t. So….

No skills. No literacy. No intelligence. Just lies through her ass and knows how to torture her husband repeatedly. Not someone to stan at all.

I can’t even believe any claims made about her. Like… French cooking? Doubtful. Italian cooking? Supremely doubtful.

I absolutely love your analysis. Thank you for it! You’re right. She’s never had to struggle, work hard, to do everything she had to survive. She just leeched off everyone—including her own parents! It’s really tragic.

Sad thing is, she’s not even celebrating having a good man as a husband. She tortures him, belittles him, pushes him away. She just loves his money. The children are just benefits to keep that money coming in.

All she is is a gold digger.

I’d feel sorry for her if she was in fact suffering. She isn’t.

The closest I’d ever get to pity is the fact that she’s an empty-hearted person.

(Also, the bit about her voice made me laugh, hard. Thank you.)

[lesbian-in-leather]

Asoue and wwdits

Into the woods if you feel up to it

Thanks for the ask, darling!!

Just answered for asoue here

What We Do In the Shadows

OTP: oh it's gotta be Nadja/Lilith. What can I say; I'm a sucker for lesbians, Lucy Punch, and bitter exes. They really have it all <3

Favourite canon pairing: Nadja/Laszlo of course. Though in recent series they haven't really been getting any screen time so my love for them has been dying somewhat. I hope they get some good scenes in the last season!

Worst pairing ever: Nadja and Colin. Why did they do that. Why did they do that. Why did they do that. Why did they-

Guilty pleasure pairing: I WAS HALFWAY THROUGH WRITING AN 'OH I DON'T REALLY HAVE ONE' PASSAGE WHEN I REALISED I DO. I FUCKING DO AND NO ONE WILL KNOW WHAT I'M ON ABOUT BUT HERE GOES ANYWAY!! Okay so you know in that one episode when Nadja was on the council and they had a fancy banquet and Nandor was in his depression nap and everyone thought he was dead?? Well one of the sexy vampire ladies that turned up was Carmilla (famous vampire from the vampiric novel, Carmilla) and I ABSOLUTELY wanted her and Nadja to get together. There it is, that's the guilty-pleasure ship, yet another one-episode character but somehow worse than Lilith because Carmilla only had like three lines

A pairing you want to see more: Nadja/The Guide!! The Guide is throwing herself at my girl and she is absolutely clueless. Icon <3

That pairing everyone likes but you’re like “lol no”: Nadja/Jenna. Really not into it, she gave me a VERY strong maternal vibe and I am. Not a fan of shipping them. Again, you do you, but like. Not for me

Favourite non-romantic pair: Nadja & Guillermo! I wish we'd given more focus to their dynamic earlier in the show, they' 've always had the potential to be really great bitchy friends, but we DID get her going absolutely fucking feral to save his life, risking hers in the process, so... it's a win <3

Into the Woods

I have basically never thought about shipping these characters so this is going to be fun

OTP: Baker's Wife and Cinderella. Straight up, I think it would be really fun and also the whole "when you know you can't have what you want what's the profit in wishing?" vs "how can you know what you want til you get what you want and you see if you like it?" I'm just saying, their little late night heart-to-hearts could have turned into something fruity

Favourite canon pairing: Cinderella's Prince/Baker's Wife is literally just funny. Like girlie what was even going through your head there

Worst pairing ever: Rapunzel/Rapunzel's Prince. I'm sorry, she was locked in a tower for her entire life, then abandoned by her mother for the horrible crime of making a friend (and fucking him, but still, that was your fault too buddy-boy), and he has the audacity to complain that she cries too much?? She wandered alone in the desert with newborn twins thinking that you were DEAD. It's been less than a year! My girl had TRAUMA and she deserved better

Guilty pleasure pairing: the Witch and the Stepmother. Do they ever interact? No. Do I think it'd be super funny to pair up the only villainous women just because? Absolutely. They can start an "I was a bad mother but also I love my children with my whole heart" club and make each other worse

A pairing you want to see more: Florinda and Lucinda with Sleeping Beauty and Snow White, respectively. First of all I think it's funny that it would fulfil the whole 'good marriage' thing, but also I just think the stepsisters get a really rough deal and someone needs to get those princesses out of there before the aspiring Henry VIII's get on to their second wives

That pairing everyone likes but you’re like “lol no”: Baker/Baker's Wife. I'm sorry, there is no good option here. She cheated, he undervalued her at every turn, yells in her face because she just wants to help, and then has this ~wonderful realisation~ that "wow, maybe I should work with my wife!" before going straight back to his "you stay here and do nothing Because I Said So" mindset in act two. Mans has anger issues and I don't like it. Also, again, she cheated. There is no good angle to this relationship

Favourite non-romantic pair: Cinderella and the Baker. They really said "well, that was an awful lot of trauma none of us asked for. Guess we're sticking together and raising a family of two orphans and your infant son that you had with your wife (who's now dead) who cheated with my husband (who's telling people I'm dead)". Like that's so fuckin iconic.

Wait but ALSO the Witch and Rapunzel??? That's a fucking fascinating dynamic right there, like the Witch does love her! She absolutely unequivocally does! But also she doesn't know how to love her, and it is SO endlessly interesting to me and always will be

Send me a fandom and I'll answer these questions!

[selchwife]

omg i think i may have actually gotten vagued on twitter? maybe? love it. anyway lol ummm twirls my hair

i was on the twitting machine looking at posts and saw someone who USED to follow me on this blog but who does not any longer making a post about like "some people are SO MAD that people ship emet-selch with girls! it's DISGRACEFUL you should treat every character as pan and not just assume the game is ONLY FOR YOU!"

and i was like, hmm. i mean, i feel like in a game where everything is left so open-ended it's fine to have your own headcanons as long as you don't step on anyone else's toes, right? and as much as i've complained about the relative popularity of f/m emetwol and how that's not clicked well with internalized homophobia for me, and said i dislike the portrayals of it that lean really hard on objectionable tropes about compulsory heteronormativity, i don't like...i don't think there's anything WRONG with shipping him with a woman or thinking he's bisexual. there's likely more canon basis for that, even. everyone's entitled to their own opinion and wolship. i get that sometimes i come across as a bit bitchy on this front but it's just tiring to me to feel kind of like, edged out of the discussion as a card carrying fag yknow

anyway then i looked in the replies and the OP was specifically getting really infuriated about "people who think he's exclusively gay" because "CLEARLY he had a wife and kids so that automatically makes that impossible. theyre so gross bc they think he didn't really love his wife as solus and just did it as a means to an end" and this was specifically when i started thinking like Wow maybe she really is mad at least in part at me specifically for having a gay headcanon and not thinking he was attracted to his wife, especially given canonically he did kind of treat the galvus family like shit. which. was funny to me.

like maybe i am a little too salty sometimes but i really do think everyone should have whatever headcanon they want and am not inherently against f/m emetwol or bi emet or anything that's just not MY preference. there's no reason people can't enjoy it. that just like...doesn't mean everyone else has to agree or to see him as bisexual.....like it's odd to me to get angry at someone for insisting their headcanon is the only right one in your view and then immediately being like "but there is only one correct headcanon to have...it's just that it's MINE."

anyway [something derogatory about selchwifery here to end the post with a little extra negativity]

[emilyaxford]

other misc. finale thoughts before i start reading everyone’s essays

louis is my baby boy foreverrrrrr period end of story

was watching with my mom and we both remarked how santiago basically turned into spike btvs at the end there

i actually have a lot of thoughts about santiago as a particular kind of narcissistic older theatre figure that i encountered a lot as someone who spent her entire girlhood growing up in theatre but i’ll save that for another time

the rocks in the heels oh christ what a nightmare. and then armand with the bitchy “he could take them out at any time” girl shut up!!! he could dump your ass too but you know why he’s not!!!

i did not see the banishment switch up coming tbh i was gagged

the scene of armand directing the blocking of the trial was insane. the way the absolute worst moment of louis’ life (in a long list of terrible moments) that made him suicidal for 70 years was just another day to him

the dress hanging up :((((((((((((

NEED to know how daniel’s turning actually went down

LOVED daniel’s columbo moment, at a certain point i expected him to bring up his (ex-)wife

loustat nola scene was soooooooo much good heavens there’s a ton to chew on but right now i’m just. wow. forgiveness can you imagine

[vitaminwaterreviews]

(G)I-dle - 2

Alright, let’s start off with the points average which is 7.5. That’s pretty good for any given album. I enjoy how diverse the songs were, a lot of them didn’t feel (G)I-dle at all to me, and I appreciate when groups are willing to experiment like that. There was an aespa song on here, a NewJeans song on here, and of course Wife is that pure distilled Soyoen sound.

The obvious issue, of course, is song length! This is a studio album by the kpop definition, but it’s only 20 minutes long! Like, what?? My main issue with most of these songs is that they’re good, but they don’t develop at all. Like, you can only cram so much into 140 seconds. Longer songs aren’t better by virtue of being longer; they’re better because they allow for more creativity and development of themes. And so when every single song but one is so short, nothing felt developed at all. This is an album of good ideas and decent execution. So many of these songs could’ve pushed 8’s or 9’s if they were just developed better. Really disappointing.

- I know Wife pretty well at this point, I listened to it a couple of times today. I also listened to a bit of Super Lady but it was kinda mid so I turned it off. I’m blind to the rest.

Super Lady

Bass

Yeah, definitely getting second gen vibes from this, that’s what the people on Soju Talk were saying

The chorus though is … alright? But I just want More from it

Like, Nxde has More to the chorus, or at least a proper post-chorus

Oh okay so this is what they meant by a YG outro lol, I stopped listening before this point

This is supposed to be their Nxde moment I think, but I don’t think this song deserves it

7/10

Revenge

Woah, are these strings? Free reeds?

I love this vocalist in this range. I dunno her name, but we get the same thing in Queencard and Nxde

Bruh this would’ve been a way better title track, love the guitar

This is a really nice song but it’s only 2:24. I will definitely be talking about song length at the end

8/10

Doll

A bit of guitar here too, but the pre-chorus is like, string plucks?

Mmm yeah this is a nice post-chorus

I don’t think we’ve had a nice bitchy Soyeon rap moment in any of these songs yet, have we?

7/10 for the length

Vision

Oh this is neat, this is kinda NewJeansy but it’s a nice sound that I haven’t heard (G)I-dle do much

Okay this is a neat rap I guess

Mmmm the whispering

7/10

7Days

Yeahhh this is the sound we like to hear, mmmmm

The days of the week thing is super cliche but oh well, kpop is known for cliche

“Deja vu” sounds like “day”

8/10, this was super pretty, didn’t do anything Truly special though, just really good

Fate

Piano? A bit jazzy? Not quite electro swing

BASS

Wow yeah, I can’t actually tell what type of bass this is

It feels non-synthesized, but it’s definitely … augmented

I’ve been too busy listening to the bass to actually comment on the song and we’re already on the rap verse lol

I dunno how I feel about the melody in the chorus

8/10

Rollie

Wtf is this aespa shit on my good christian (G)I-dle album

Yeah actually, definitely getting aespa vibes from this singing/rapping style

Plus the instrumentation ofc

Yeah, it’s fine i guess, pretty good

7/10

Wife

I have such mixed feelings about this song

It’s like they took all the Soyeon on a regular (G)I-dle album and concentrated it all into this song

8/10

[unopenablebox]

aeide-thea replied to your post: nazism cw lol this is about hetalia technically

my eyebrows are like. levitating off my face tbh, yikes

raisedbyhyenas replied to your post: nazism cw lol this is about hetalia technically

scream what

yeah! i’m so haunted by it! i mean, in retrospect there were a lot of red flags, but.......... jesus

[l-r-christian]

This is about the request about the ED and I wanted to clarify that the reader is anorexia. She begins to become insure about her body because of Hayley or anyone else and stops eating, excessively working out.

Okay. I am going to kinda put my self in the reader's shoes for this one as I have been there only it was a toxic relationship so I kinda know the feelings. This is gonna be be therapeutic for me.

Warnings: Angst, Toxic behavior, Hayley being kinda bitchy, Protective Mikaelsons, Fluff,

A/N: please if you are going though any of this please please seek help. Get a support system and get heathly as you matter no what anyone says.

It started off as a small off hand comment from Hayley about Y/N's weight and the woman brushed it off. But soon Hayley's comments turned to backhanded remarks and a bit bitchy. It was summer as the family was out in the pool and Y/N put on a two piece swimsuit looking at herself in it seeing how gorgeous she looked.

"Wow a two piece? I wouldn't have if I had your belly Y/N but that's brave of you." Hayley said looking Y/N over as the woman wore a cute two piece swimsuit that Rebekah bought her. Y/N flushed feeling a little self conscious as Elijah smiled gently at her waving her over to his sun chair so he could put sunscreen on her.

"You alright, baby?"

"Yeah...." Y/N tells him feeling Elijah kiss her neck as Hope's laughter reach her ears and saw the girl in the pool with Klaus and Kol. Y/N smiled and relaxed ignoring the old dark feelings creeping back in her mind.

"Your thighs are looking a bit chubby. Surprised that Klaus can even lift you." Hayley says as it sounds like she was harmlessly teasing Y/N when Klaus came in carrying the woman on his back. Y/N was quick to get off Klaus's back making him frown with the sudden change of behavior but let it go.

Y/N stood in front of her mirror in just lace bra and panties while she looked okay to the outside world. Y/N thought she was too heavy there was fat and needed to lose the weight that was in her belly and thighs.

'They'll never find you attractive fatty.'

'Why wouldn't they want a fat girl.'

'Look at you so fat. Wow how could you let yourself go.'

Y/N put a large shirt on before heading down stairs to join her lovers for dinner which caught their attention. Y/N smiled sitting between Rebekah and Kol getting some dinner, Elijah had made her favorite.

"Not that hungry love?"

"I had a big lunch." Y/N answered Klaus when she got a small portion of food this seemed to get her lovers to back off for a moment.

"You're working out a lot more than normal." Camille said joining Y/N on her workout as lately Camille had became worried about her best friend. The therapist in Camille was screaming at her that something was wrong with Y/N as the blonde noticed that the other woman hadn't been eating much.

"Well summer is coming up and I just wanna be toned." Y/N said smiling as they entered the gym and Camille didn't buy it but made notes to keep an eye on her friend.

Y/N was a bit heavier when she was teen and was mercilessly bullied for it and when one summer passed she loss the weight. Only to be leered at by boys as she had curves and got attention because of it which she got bullied by the girls in her school.

Old insecurities had came back and was worse than ever the more Hayley pointed out Y/N's weight or seemly playfully flirt with Elijah. Y/N had only ate when her lovers weren't around which wasn't much and she hadn't been intimate with them. Y/N found herself working out more, throwing up whatever she ate and abusing diet pills.

'Hayley is more gorgeous than you.'

'I bet Elijah is fucking her. Why would he want someone as disgusting as you?'

'Ugh even Kol, Rebekah and Klaus are disgusted by you.'

'They shouldn't be with you. You don't deserve them.'

The dark thoughts whispered as Y/N swallowed after having thrown up her dinner and got up feeling weak. Y/N was pale, her hair was dull but to Y/N she thought she looked fine while those around her was worried about her. Y/N was circling back to her old teen mindset of a vicious cycle of throwing up and working out.

'I need to be beautiful. I need to be beautiful.'

Was an old dangerous thought that had came back in full force in Y/N's head as she headed for the gym again getting the other's attention making them frown.

"She is too thin Elijah. Something is wrong but she won't talk." Klaus said pacing as the four was talking about Y/N. For the last month they noticed the decline in their lover's health.

"I am aware Niklaus. But we can't just tie her down and force her to eat."

"Well we can't do nothing."

"Then let's find out why."

It took one slip up from Hayley for Rebekah to over hear as the hybrid making Y/N feel small as she said some hurtful words.

"Shame Elijah is dating a human like you. Weak and unattractive, I bet he has to be careful to not hurt you." Hayley said poking Y/N's thigh when the human walked past her.

"Your thighs look a lit......" Hayley was cut off by Rebekah's growl as the Original marched into the room glaring at the hybrid.

"So you been tormenting my little wife?!" Rebekah said getting protective getting the boy's attention as they walked in. They saw an angry Rebekah and an annoyed Hayley with a worried Y/N.

"Rebekah?"

"Nik the mother of your daughter has been hurting Y/N." Rebekah said as Klaus glared and Y/N was getting anxious as this wasn't what she wanted. The human moved to walk away as they were fighting with Hayley but because she hadn't been eating she fainted which Elijah caught her.

When Y/N woke she saw her vampires around her bed worried Elijah sat next to her cupping her cheek rubbing it frowning with how thin she felt.

"Why have you been staving yourself?"

"I haven't." Y/N said sitting up but layed back down feeling light headed as she was trying to push back the thoughts. Whispers of her being a burden enter her mind, now they won't want her but felt Rebekah cup her face.

"You aren't a burden and we would always want you." Rebekah said as Y/N realized she had said that all out loud and began to cry only to get piled on by her lovers. It was one step at a time as none of her lovers left her alone, Elijah made she stay in at least one of their beds and Klaus and Kol made sure she ate while Rebekah had been keeping Hayley away from the Abattoir.

Y/N was at a heathly weight but far from being okay so Klaus had her talk with Camille to get her to be in a healthy mindset. Y/N's road to recovery was rough as a few times she fell back into old habits but her lovers was quick to get her back on track.

"Thank you for not giving up on me." Y/N whispered as she as cuddled up to Kol with Rebekah as they all was watching a movie. Both Rebekah and Kol placed kisses on her skin as Elijah and Klaus smiled softly.

"We would never give up on you love." Klaus said as Y/N smiled feeling comfortable. By all means Y/N wasn't better but for now she felt loved and safe knowing that they would never allow her to feel like that again.

[mostlycompetentwriter]

Wow, he’s hot

“Pairing: Fem!Reader x Seo Changbin (SKZ)

Word Count: 8K

Genre: Neighbors to Lovers? Lol

Warnings: Aged up characters (Changbin is ten years older than the reader), explicit sexual content, language, drinking

Summary: You were a fresh college graduate, returning home for the summer before starting a bright, shiny new position in the city, but you certainly weren’t expecting to fall hard for your neighbor. 

A/N: I hope at least one person gets my reference/pun at the end....But seriously? Oh, what have I done...

Your roommate was hungover again, dressed to the nines in a purple bathrobe and pink fluffy slippers as she attempted to move huge boxes of random shit between her bedroom and the foyer of your shared apartment. 

It was priceless entertainment, at least in your opinion, especially after witnessing your roommate in rare form the previous night dancing from one frat boy to the next, draining entire bottles of alcohol like she needed the liquid encouragement. 

From what you had observed, she was determined to embarrass you at all costs, and under normal circumstances, you could’ve avoided her rather inappropriate behavior in exchange for your regular hook-up, Joshua. But he decided to remain mysteriously absent for the entire evening, which meant that you had been stuck watching over your roommate, hoping that she wouldn’t get you kicked out again....

“I know what you’re thinking, Y/N,” Laura huffed, pausing next to the counter-top where you sat. “What did you expect? It was my last night of freedom before going back home.”

“Yeah,” you snorted. “It was mine too, but I wasn’t plastered face-down in the shower last night.”

“Whatever,” Laura grimaced. “Did you sign off on the lease yet?”

“I did it earlier,” you replied. 

“Our bitchy landlord’s been complaining all week,” Laura said. “I’m tired of her late-night phone calls, plus my mom’s been really annoying about the move.”

“Oh?” you questioned. “When is she coming?”

“In like an hour,” Laura huffed. “Why do you think I’m busting my ass to pack everything?”

“I don’t know,” you said. “Maybe you needed a distraction from thinking about puking in the bushes behind the frat house last night.”

“Oh, shut up about that!” Laura hissed, slapping your arm as you kept laughing. “Isn’t you brother coming tomorrow?”

“Ugh, yeah,” you groaned. “He said he has to come super early because of work, but my ass doesn’t start functioning until at least 8:00.”

“Well, at least tell Chan ‘hi’ for me,” Laura said, giggling like a love-struck teenager because she had been infatuated with your older brother for years.

“If I remember to tell him,” you grumbled, stretching out your arms and deciding that it might be useful for you to start packing as well, especially since the most you would be able to accomplish tomorrow morning at the ass crack of dawn is following Chan around the apartment in a zombie-like state as the two of you loaded your belongings into his car.

“Don’t forget that I’m coming to visit next week,” Laura said, and you perked up a little at the idea of having your friend come around, especially since the two of you had just graduated together and those long days and nights of being glued together at the hip were coming to a bittersweet end.

“Sounds good,” you agreed, checking your phone one last time to see a weird gif from Chan (as you had come to expect from him) before joining your roommate in packing up the remainder of your former college life.

Chan had always been prompt when it came to his familial obligations, and the two of you spent two hours loading all of your stuff into his car before starting the long drive to your old childhood home. A place that you hadn’t ventured to since leaving four years ago to start undergraduate school.

“Looks the same,” you remarked, sunglasses perched low on your nose as you allowed the window to roll down to take in some fresh air.

“What did you expect?” Chan asked, humming away to whatever shitty metal song he had playing over the radio.

In a totally random and last-minute decision, you had decided that for the next three summer months while you were stuck in an in-between phase, you were returning home for a while before you were set to move into a new apartment in the city close to where you would be working full-time. It seemed logical to save money, and there was a small part of you that did miss your family and old friends. 

Of course, despite Chan’s dismissal of your earlier nonchalant comment about the unchanging surroundings of your hometown, you were startled when you realized that the old house next door, which used to be occupied by an elderly couple until they moved away during your senior year of high school, was missing it’s familiar ‘for sale’ sign in the front yard, and there was a black Mustang in the driveway.

“Home sweet home,” Chan sighed when he stopped in the carport attached to your former two-story staccato, opening the door with a grumble. 

You frowned, following him around to the back of his car. “Someone bought the house next door?” you asked, dragging your eyes away from the sleek, shiny sports car to look at your brother.

Chan grunted as he heaved your suitcase from the trunk. “Yeah, they moved in last month. I think the owner is a lawyer and he lives there with his daughter.”

“Huh,” you remarked. “That house has been vacant for years.”

Chan shrugged. “Yeah, well, the guy who lives there now is really nice. Mom and dad babysit for him a lot when he’s working.”

“Great,” I muttered. “They’ll rope me into helping.”

“S’ not so bad,” Chan said, growling in frustration when your suitcase fell over to the side with an unpleasant crash. “Can you help or what?”

You laughed at your brother’s outrage, reaching back to pull your hair into a messy bun. 

Meanwhile, you noticed the front door of your house opening from the corner of your eye, smiling when your mother shrieked and rushed down the sidewalk to meet you halfway in a long-winded embrace. “Y/N!! I’m so glad to see you.”

“You’re crushing me,” you heaved through constricted lungs, accepting your mother’s open arms even if it was a little over-eager.

“Oh! I’m sorry, dear,” she said, pulling back just enough to allow oxygen to circulate once again, but not enough to pull you away from her mushy kisses. “You look so healthy and beautiful!”

“Yeah, thanks mom,” you said, slowly beginning the untangling process of removing her arms from around you while Chan struggled in the background to carry your suitcase up the front steps. “I should help.”

“Of course!” your mom agreed, but a distant tug of curiosity had you turning back to look at the house next door once again.

“Hey? Do you know anything about the new neighbor?”

“You mean Changbin? He’s wonderful, darling. So polite, and his daughter is so funny.”

You wrinkled your nose, never having been a huge fan of kids. “Chan said you babysit for him sometimes.”

“It’s always nice to help someone out,” your mother tsked, and you could recognize her patronizing tone from anywhere. “Such a shame that he divorced his wife. Heard it was kinda nasty.”

“It’s not any of our business,” you reminded her.

“Oh, I didn’t say it was!” your mother sighed. “He doesn’t talk about it much.”

“Jeez, how much do you guys talk?”

Because from the sound of it, Changbin had to be as old as your mom to make this much of an impression. You grinned as you briefly imagined the two of them on the front porch drinking tea together and gossiping about the rest of the neighborhood.

“He’s far more friendly than Mrs. Jones was,” your mother remarked. “I think you’d like him, Y/N.”

“I don’t know about that...”

“Well, you’ll get the chance to meet him tonight,” your mother said, smile full and wide. “I’ve invited him over for dinner!”

Oh, great.

“Can’t wait,” you forced out between clenched teeth, rolling your eyes when your mom clapped her hands together before grabbing your hand to drag you inside, feeling only a distant shiver roll across your spine as you walked onto the porch as if someone was looking at you from afar....

Your mother was hardly the type to run out of conversation, and you eventually were forced to leave her downstairs to argue with Chan over some menial thing that he forgot to do for tonight’s big dinner while you trudged upstairs to find some peace.

Unsurprisingly, your childhood bedroom remained untouched, and you circled around the perimeter, studying old pictures of yourself playing sports and hanging out with friends. Fingers dusting over your collection of old trophies and high-school yearbooks that recalled long-ago days of feeling carefree - with the future wide-open in front of you for the taking.

But you were well off in the present, allowing yourself to indulge in the nostalgia of looking through old diaries and journals before your mother’s voice called you downstairs for dinner later that evening. “Coming!” you called back, pausing next to your mirror to check your reflection.

The smell of your mother’s cooking had your stomach rumbling from the hunger of only stopping once on the way home to eat cheap fast-food with Chan, and you forced yourself to walk like a normal person even though every instinct was screaming at you to find the source of that delicious odor.

You were nearly salivating at the idea of your mother’s homemade cooking, and your hand caught the rail of the bannister to turn the final corner, but the sounds of voices from below forced you to pause at the top of the stairs, eyes growing wide as you took in the sight of the unfamiliar man standing in your foyer, talking to your mother like they had known each other for years. “Oh, Y/N,” your mother said, and you shivered when the man turned to look at you. “Come meet our neighbor, Changbin. I think you’ll really like him.”

You held back a snort at the ironic comment because it only took you a few seconds to come to the conclusion that Changbin epitomized the phrase “just my type.”

He was on the shorter side, built like he had literally spent his entire life working out, arms bulging beneath his t-shirt and chest straining the material tight to his front. So much so that you could practically see his nipples through the fabric. 

His hair was jet-black, ruffled from the wind outside, and his eyes were equally as dark, lips contorted into a self-satisfied smirk that you found exceedingly hot.

“Hi,” you mustered without much thought, nearly tripping over your own two feet on the way down the stairs.

“This is my daughter, Y/N,” your mother said, inviting you closer so that you were standing directly in front of Changbin.

“Nice to meet you,” he said in a deep voice that was slightly rough around the edges.

“Y/N just graduate from college,” your mother gushed. “We’re so excited to have her back.”

“I’m home for the summer,” you explained, shivering at the dark look in Changbin’s gaze. “I’m starting an internship in the Fall.”

“Y/N will be working in publishing,” your mother explained, jumping in while you and Changbin continued to stare each other down - something intense and provocative.

“Really?” Changbin asked, eyes making a leisurely stroll of looking you up and in down in a way that had you feeling extremely self-conscious. 

“Oh! Give me one second to check something in the kitchen,” your mother said, excusing herself with a smile before leaving the two of you alone in the foyer.

You inwardly cursed your mother for leaving you both in an awkward silence. Say something!! You screamed to yourself.

“So,” you started, clearing your throat and forcing yourself to stop swaying back and forth. “Chan told me you practice law.”

“Yeah,” Changbin agreed, and you swooned at his crooked smile. “It doesn’t sound as interesting as your work.”

“I don’t know about that,” you countered politely, but Changbin was unrelenting.

“You looked surprised to see me earlier,” he remarked.

You swallowed hard. “Oh, well when Chan mentioned a neighbor with a kid, I just wasn’t expecting someone so....”

“Yes?” Changbin prodded, encouraging you to continue.

Someone so fucking hot, you thought to yourself, someone who was literally made inside my best fantasies, but those explicit thoughts belonged exclusively inside your head. “Young,” you eventually finished, and Changbin seemed disappointed for some reason.

“I’m 32,” he said, and your eyes widened perceptibly, realizing that he was ten years older than you.

“I would’ve never guessed,” you said. “I mean, not that it’s a bad thing-”

“It’s alright,” Changbin interrupted, and you were relieved to hear him chuckle. “I know what you mean.”

“I’m sorry,” you said. “I can be a little awkward.”

“No,” he shook his head, coming to stand a little closer. “I think it’s nice.”

Oh? What was that supposed to mean?

“I used to have a boyfriend who looked a lot like you,” you went on, freezing when you comprehended what you had just blathered without thinking.

But Changbin didn’t seem bothered at all. “I bet he wasn’t as old as me.”

“He was my age,” you said. “But I kinda like older men...”

Fuck. Did those words really just come out of your mouth?!

“Y/N,” Changbin said, and you trembled at the huskiness of his tone. “You should be more careful.” He leaned in then as if trying to keep whatever he was about to say a secret for just the two of you. “I can be a very dangerous man.”

“O-oh,” you stuttered, finding yourself two seconds away from literally melting at his feet when your mother suddenly re-entered the foyer with a dusting of flour across her chin. 

“Dinner’s ready!” she announced, and you were fleeing behind her without a second thought, escaping the intoxicating hold of Changbin’s presence before you did something you might regret.

For whatever reason, you found yourself sitting next to Changbin in the dining room for dinner that night. 

“I made chicken,” your mother said, gesturing to each dish sitting in a line down the center of the table as she explained tonight’s menu. But you were barely cognizant of what your mother was saying because the close proximity to Changbin was doing very strange things to your head.

“So, Y/N,” your father started when everyone had been served. “I hope your brother was helpful with the move.”

Chan rolled his eyes, but you grinned at your father’s words. “Yeah, I was a little out of it though because of the time.”

“Like I said,” Chan huffed. “I couldn’t get there any later.”

“Let the bickering commence,” your mother said. “Changbin, you wouldn’t believe the fights these two had when they were young.”

“I can only imagine,” Changbin said, and you were wondering how someone could be even more attractive by the sound of their voice alone.

“Do you still need us to babysit for you tomorrow night?” your mother asked. “We would be more than accommodating.”

“That would be great,” Changbin said. “I’ve got a late conference call.”

“It’s no problem,” your mother continued. “Your daughter is just the loveliest.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that,” Changbin replied.

“Y/N,” your mother said, catching you with a mouthful of chicken. “Changbin’s daughter is such a peach.”

You quickly forced down the food in your mouth when you felt Changbin’s gaze rest on you. “Oh? How hold is she, Mr. Seo?”

“She’s six,” Changbin said, and he shifted in his chair, causing your knees to brush together in a move that you knew wasn’t intentional, even if it didn’t stop your legs from wrapping together. “And you don’t have to be so formal with me, Y/N. Only my clients call me Mr. Seo.”

“O-oh,” you exhaled, reacting to the brief contact under the table, hoping that nobody else was noticing your strange behavior.

“Maybe Y/N could help watch Lucy when you’re gone,” your mother suggested, always the first to rope you into these things.

“Sure,” you agreed, even though the idea of pulling babysitting duty was less than appealing, and you could hear Chan snickering from across the table. He knew perfectly well your attitude when it came to kids. 

“I think Lucy would like that,” Changbin agreed, and you started to nod along until you felt Changbin’s hand move to your thigh.

Just that single move had your entire form frozen in place. 

While your mother continued talking about whatever subject caught her attention, you were left wondering how you should react to the very obvious posturing of Changbin’s hand moving decidedly against your bare skin.

“I’ll probably head back into town tomorrow morning,” Chan said. “I wasn’t able to get much work done.”

You knew it was a playful jab at you, but at that moment you were incapable of coherent speech.

“How is work, Channie?” your mother asked, just as ignorant as the rest of them to the situation unfolding beneath her table. “Anything interesting?”

“Not really,” Chan replied, and you nearly choked on the food you were swallowing when you felt Changbin squeezing your thigh. 

“Try to chew it first, Y/N,” your father chuckled, and you forced a smile which you hoped wasn’t as strained as it felt.

“What about you, Changbin?” your mother politely queried. “Anything interesting happening lately?”

“Maybe,” he said with a tone that was far too knowing.

“Hmmm?” your mother smiled. “You aren’t seeing anyone, are you?”

You knew the question was invasive, but Changbin handled it in stride. “I think it depends.”

“Sounds scandalous,” your mother joked, and you couldn’t have possibly been imagining it, feeling his fingers reach so high under the opening of your shorts that his fingertips touched the outline of your panties. 

You reached down to cover his hand with your own, bringing awareness to the fact that you weren’t ignoring what was happening, and he had every opportunity to pull back.

But he didn’t. In fact, Changbin’s light, playful touches only continued, and you were left reeling for what the intention could possibly mean.

Early the next morning, you were supposed to be cleaning the pool as a favor to your mother, but how could you be blamed for sneaking peaks at your neighbor working out in his backyard? 

“Holy shit,” you cursed under your breath, failing to do a very good job of pretending to be occupied with your current task while ogling the man across the lawn who was in the middle of another round of push-ups, biceps flexing while the rest of his body practically glowed under the sun. 

You knew it wasn’t a crime to permit the occasional glance, but your hardcore staring could certainly be qualified as spying at this point (especially in the direction of a lawyer) - making it blatantly obvious that you were very appreciative of the male form at the peak of performance.

Was Changbin seriously 32? And a father?

The questions boggled your mind, and in your distracted state, you clearly forgot to keep a firm hold on the handle of the pool’s leaf skimmer, huffing in annoyance when it splashed beneath the water.

It was enough to attract Changbin’s attention, and you were sure that your face was just as red as the towel draped over the back of your mother’s patio furniture when he stood to his full height before walking in your direction.

“Were you watching me?” Changbin asked, sauntering over to you with black mesh shorts hanging tantalizingly low on his hips, shirt foregone in exchange for a delightful sheen of sweat coating the skin of his thick upper torso in dripping rivulets. 

“Uh...” you trailed off anxiously, realizing that Changbin wouldn’t be stupid enough to fall for your half-assed excuses, especially after what had happened between the two of you last night. 

“You’re not planning on lying to me, Y/N?” he asked, raising one eyebrow in question.

“N-no, Mr. Seo,” you said, shaking your head quickly, barely keeping a firm grasp of your bearings as he abruptly leaned in closer, musk hanging heavy in the air between the two of you. 

“I told you not to call me that,” he said, lips lingering far too close to your ear for a simple neighborly exchange, and you could feel the body heat emanating from him in waves, holding you completely hostage as you briefly entertained the idea of falling to your knees right then and there. 

“What should I call you?” you asked instead, fisting your shirt between your hands because you were desperate for something to ground you in that moment. 

You could practically feel his smirk, holding in a gasp when his hand settled at the low dip in your spine, fitting into the space there as he pulled you tight against his front. “You can always call me daddy instead.”

Your heart skipped several beats at the scandalous words. Either that or you had just entered cardiac arrest.

But before you could muster a response, you found yourself leaping out of Changbin’s hold when the backdoor opened, and your mother was screaming out your name while waving like a maniac. “Oh!” she said when she realized that you weren’t alone. “I didn’t mean to interrupt!”

“We were just talking,” you quickly inserted, glancing at Changbin from the corner of your eye to see him smirking. 

For a while, the very strange flirtation between you and Changbin simmered down, and you tried your best to avoid him when you could, even if he made that very hard to do since he insisted on doing his morning workouts outside in direct line of your bedroom.

It was during the following week that you brought the divine glory of Changbin to your friend, Laura’s, attention, ushering her into your house when she parked on the side of street. “What the hell, Y/N?” she complained when you started practically dragging her up the stairs. “I’ve been driving for hours.”

“Oh, hush,” you said. “You’ll thank me later.”

“Thank you for what, exactly?” Laura questioned, but your response was to simply push her toward the window, standing side by side as you looked through the blinds.

“My new neighbor.”

“Holy fuck!” Laura gasped when she finally joined you, and you could only nod your agreement as the two of you continued to watch Changbin through two narrow breaks in your blinds, wondering how the image of your sexy neighbor simply mowing his grass could make you so wet. “That man is huge!”

“I think he does it on purpose,” you remarked, feeling your heart palpitate inside your chest when Changbin took a moment to pause his chore, reaching down to remove his shirt and tuck it into the waistband of his shorts.

Laura’s gasp was almost outlandishly laughable. “He’s ripped! Like, Sports Illustrated model worthy.”

“I would buy every last copy of that edition.”

“I’d even go a step further and tape the pictures to my wall.”

You both stopped to look at one another, nodding in your collective agreement. “Not here, though, my mom would freak.”

“Yeah, but how can your mom expect you to just ignore...that!” Laura exclaimed, gesturing wildly to Changbin. 

“She thinks he’s a fucking Saint, but I swear to god, Laura, he’s provoking me on purpose! The other night at dinner? He came over and put. his. hand. on. my. leg,” you said, emphasizing the last line with what probably looked like a comical widening of your eyes. “And he works out every morning in front of my bedroom? What the hell am I supposed to think?”

“No think,” Laura sighed dreamily. “Just enjoy the view.”

“Do you think I’m not?” you snorted. “I’m serious about him doing those things!”

“So what?” Laura grumbled. “Why are you actually worried that your fucking super model neighbor wants to make a few moves on you? I would be honored.”

“I’m not worried,” you huffed. “It just feels like he wants something from me.”

“Well, if it’s a good fuck, then send him all the signals you can, girl.”

“Really?” you muttered. “You know I suck with flirting. That’s why I only hooked up with Joshua at those stupid frat parties. He didn’t care that I was an awkward mess.”

“Well, neither will your neighbor,” Laura said. “Especially if he’s as interested as you say.”

You pursed your lips, considering her comment, but the sudden and unexpected sound of your door opening sent both you and Laura jumping nearly ten feet into the air as you hurried away from the blinds as fast as humanely possible to take up some form of normalcy.

No, mom, of course we weren’t staring at Mr. Seo.

“Girls,” your mother inquired as she walked inside, and you prayed that your mother hadn’t caught the two of you taking sly peaks at Changbin outside, but she seemed completely ignorant. “I have a question for you.”

“Hmmm?” you inquired, innocently enough, trying to act like the position that you had forced yourself into on the bed was totally not uncomfortable.

“Changbin needs someone to watch Lucy tomorrow night, but your father and I already made plans,” she said. “But I told him you would be more than happy to come over and help him out.”

You winced when Laura elbowed you in the side, giving you one of those looks that you knew quite well from countless nights of barhopping as sophomores. “Yeah, I don’t mind.”

“I’m sure you don’t,” Laura snickered, but you payed her no attention as you hurried to close the door behind your mother’s retreating form, breathing a sigh of relief to hear her walk back down the stairs.

In all of your years of existence, never had you questioned the appropriateness of an outfit to wear to someone’s place to babysit.

“Fuck it,” you eventually decided, settling on regular, well-worn jeans and a college t-shirt.

After all, it wasn’t like Changbin was staying for very long. He claimed he had something to do at the office, and you would be all alone inside his house with only his kid for companionship.

Still, after your conversation with Laura from the previous afternoon, you couldn’t help but feel more mindful about how he might look at you, and you forced yourself to wear your most professional smile when you rang the doorbell to his house, counting slowly from one until he opened the door.

“Hi, Y/N,” Changbin said, and you tried not to blatantly check him out; although, you couldn’t help but linger on the tight fit of his shirt across his pecs.

“Hello,” you nearly whispered, cursing your hormones as you followed Changbin inside.

“I actually have something to tell you,” Changbin said, leading you into the living room so that you could sit down while entered the adjoining kitchen.

“Oh?” you queried, as politely as you could, waiting for him to return.

It didn’t take him long, and you found yourself sitting up a little straighter from where you had made yourself comfortable on the couch. “So, I actually found someone else to watch Lucy,” Changbin explained, coming around to land next to you on the couch with two glasses of wine. 

“You did?” you asked, surprised and taken-aback. 

Why were you here then?

As if he could read your thoughts, Changbin smirked. “Thirsty?”

“Sure,” you agreed, taking one of the glasses and bringing the rim up to your lips. “I’m sorry, I just thought you wanted me to watch her.”

“I did,” Changbin said, and he seemed contemplative as he sipped his own drink. “But then I kinda wanted you for something else.”

“Something else?” you repeated because your mind was spinning those simple words in a thousand different directions, and you were only able to settle on one likely outcome when Changbin’s hand dropped to your thigh, reminiscent of your first dinner together from several evenings ago. 

He suddenly moved in closer to you, allowing you to smell the subtle cologne that he was wearing. “You’ve been watching me,” he said, and you shivered, feeling both hot and cold at the same time as you looked at him.

“S-sir?”

“Don’t play coy,” Changbin continued, and you found yourself observing the way his throat bobbed as he drank. “I don’t mind the attention.”

“You don’t?” you replied, a rather useless question considering the circumstances, and Changbin took your glass and sat both alcoholic selections onto the side table.

“Why wouldn’t I like it?” he asked, tracing little nonsensical patterns on the covered part of your thigh. “You’re a very beautiful girl.”

What. The. Hell?!!

“Mr. Seo, I don’t think-”

“Y/N,” Changbin interrupted, and you were so frazzled and disjointed by the sharp grip he took on your chin, forcing eye-contact that was so intimate, you could feel yourself grow a little bit wetter. “I told you not to call me that.”

It was the only precursor you got before Changbin was delving in, gripping your chin firmly as he connected your lips in a deep, sensuous exchange that had you reeling from the sudden 180 degree turn that the night had taken. 

In one word: everything was rough. Teeth meeting teeth, and tongues rolling in a messy glide against one another. Wet and warm. Silky and smooth. It was everything you needed in a kiss to get your gears turning, feeling your pussy positively throbbing in response.

“That’s right,” Changbin eventually said when he pulled the two of you apart - very much still in control. “We shouldn’t ignore this tension between us.”

“No,” you eagerly agreed, diving in once more for another earth-shattering kiss that rocked you to your very bones, taking the initiative to crawl into his lap, grinding yourself shamelessly against the tight bulge in his jeans while your fingers dug their way into his thick, dark hair. 

“Eager,” Changbin whispered between feverish kisses, keeping your mouths locked together at all costs, even if that meant growing a little bit light-headed from losing too much oxygen.

But you couldn’t get enough of him, not after all this teasing and tension. 

You didn’t care anymore, consequences be damned, and there wasn’t a single part of you opposing his intentional touches, giving him enough space to unbutton your jeans before sliding one hand beneath the waistband of your panties. In response, you moaned into his mouth, bracing your hands against his shoulders as he found the delicate folds of your pussy.

“Do you want me to touch you here?” Changbin asked, and you were feverishly nodding, sweat forming at the top of your forehead, trying your best to hold back your loudest moans when he slid right in with little resistance, moving his fingers around the inside of your cunt, stretching and filling you in a way that you imagined was nothing compared to what the thick cock beneath you could do.

But you would take anything from him, savoring the glide of his fingers since you were practically drenching him in sticky arousal, jerking forward every so often when his thumb pressed down a little too hard against your clit.

All the while, you could feel yourself start to break apart from the heated contact between the two of you, aching and wanting for the release that the look in his eyes told you he had every intention of providing.

And you were enjoying every bit of the journey to get there, bathing in his attention, groaning when his fingers curled up just right to tease your g-spot, and grinding down against the erection confined tightly in his jeans. 

Everything was suddenly so much louder, the sounds of his palm smacking against your cunt, fingers gliding through wetness, and the joined harmony of your combined moans and grunts. 

It was a rapid uphill ascent into the clouds, and you could feel him start to move even faster, pulling against the fabric of your jeans, and there was hardly any time for your mind to truly comprehend what was happening. Lost in a sinful haze of lust and divine rapture, wanting nothing more than to just lose yourself in Changbin.

Except he wasn’t letting you simply drown in the pleasure he was giving you, tugging at your hair to bring you back to the present, to the final string keeping your orgasm just out of reach. “You don’t think I haven’t noticed,” Changbin growled into your ear, keeping one hand tight around your waist to stop your squirming as he continued plunging his thick fingers between the tight walls of your pussy. “I see you looking at me because I want you to look.”

You moaned at the explicit expression of his desires, closing your eyes and returning your head against his shoulder, hips titillating according to the way he moved his fingers inside of you. 

“Cum for me,” he said, and you were more than willing to let go of everything, including the moans you had been trying to hold back, filling the house with the loud raucous of your screams as your orgasm snapped and unleashed a molten hot thrill along your spine.

You were gasping for breath, returning from the highest peak of satisfaction, but Changbin hardly gave you anytime to recover before he was removing his hand from your jeans and forcing you into the floor.

“My turn,” he grunted, and the sound of his belt unbuckling triggered some semblance of rationale, and you were practically salivating over Changbin’s cock, eyeing the red bulbous mushroom head and wondering how deep you could take him. “Well?” Changbin prodded, grabbing the base of his thick erection to brush it across the pout of your lips. “Open wide.”

You whimpered, but obeyed, allowing your tongue to stick out just enough to taste the drop of precum leaking from the tip. It was bitter and unappealing, but since it was from Changbin, you couldn’t resist trying more of him, going further and further down until you felt him at the back of your throat.

Your jaw was already aching from the extension, and a distant thought had you thinking, damn, you were gonna be sore in the morning. But it was completely worth it to hear him moan from above you, fingers tightening in your hair as you allowed him to set the pace, rolling you up and down his cock, tongue sweeping the sides and tip and digging into the little slit where you discovered he was the most sensitive. 

At the same time, you were all but humping his leg, desperate to get off again as he used your mouth for his own personal cocksleeve, hitting the back of your throat repeatedly, sending you gagging around his impossible length.

“You take cock like you were made for it,” he remarked, eyes glossing over in a way that had you feeling rather proud of your skills. 

It only lasted for a moment, and he abruptly held himself all the way down for one, two, three seconds until you were whining for him to let you free just long enough to take in another deep breath. 

“Finish me off,” he groaned, and you were working overtime to bring him to the edge, bobbing your head up and down the full expanse of his length, all gorgeous and velvety smooth skin. And you braced your hands against his knees, an anchor to reality, when he finally released down your throat, heavy and warm, causing you to nearly choke as you struggled to swallow every last drop.

“Good girl,” he whispered, petting your head softly as you whined and continued to rub yourself against him, jumping off the brink of orgasmic bliss right after him, allowing your head to fall down between his spread legs.

It was a quiet for a while as you both fought to catch your breath, but then he was moving again, rising from his position on the couch. 

You sat back on your heels at the jostling, whimpering when he stood over you with a menacing sneer, grabbing your face between his hands, forcing your gazes to meet somewhere in the middle even though you still couldn’t completely concentrate. But you were cognizant to at least understand his next words: “Lucy won’t be here tomorrow night, either.”

“Changbin,” you gasped, understanding the implications of his request and shivering at the effect they could still have on your worn-out body. 

“I’ll leave the door unlocked,” he whispered into your ear, keeping eye-contact as he brought his fingers still coated with your arousal into his mouth, sucking while you grew faint at the sight. Then, he pulled them free and knelt down to sear your lips together so that you could taste the riveting combination of your releases on his wicked tongue. 

You returned home that night in a daze, immediately heading for your room after assuring your mother that everything was totally fine with the babysitting, even if you probably appeared a little out of sorts. 

In the meantime, you landed on top of your bed with a sigh, opening your phone contacts to pull up Laura’s name, placing the call without any mind to the late hour.

She answered on the third ring with a curt grunt. “This better be good, Y/N.”

“Oh?” you replied with a nonchalant tone. “I thought you might be interested in hearing about my latest dick appointment.”

There was a sharp intake of breath on the other end. “You didn’t.”

“I did!”

“With your neighbor?”

You laughed at Laura’s shrill tone, rolling over onto your stomach with your feet dancing in the air behind you. “I totally sucked him off.” 

“Shit! How big is his cock?” Laura whispered over the phone as if anybody could possibly overhear your conversation. 

“Let’s just say he’s well-endowed.”

“You absolute slut!” Laura exclaimed. “Did he at least return the favor?”

“Oh, he’s a gentleman,” you explained. “He took care of me first.”

“Details!”

“He just fingered me,” you said, even as your mind sprinted with images and sensations; Changbin’s sultry gaze, defined muscles, and the burning desire he had planted deep in your core. 

“That’s hot though,” Laura said. “I can’t believe you actually did anything with him.”

“What? I told you he was sending me signals!”

“Yeah, but I was only halfway assuming that those signals might lead to his fingers in you!”

You couldn’t help yourself, laughing at Laura’s incredulous tone, and spending the next several minutes doing your absolute best to provide a heavily detailed play-by-play of your evening tryst with Changbin. 

“Lucky bitch,” Laura scoffed at the end of your long-winded tale. “I’d kill for someone to fuck me.”

“Well, we haven’t gotten there yet...”

“Yet? Are you planning to go back to him?”

“Obviously,” you said. “There’s unfinished business that I need to take care of.”

“You think he wants to fuck you?”

“I think he wants to do a lot to me,” you purred, smirking at the sounds of Laura’s outlandish squeals from the other end.

Still, you didn’t think those explicit fantasies would come to fruition so soon. But the next night when you returned to Changbin’s house under the guise of babysitting his kid, there were no formalities between the two of you because you both wanted each other in a way that should be considered improper. 

Fortunately, you were tired of caring about other people’s opinions, and it only took Changbin a moment to pull you into his house before his lips were crushing against yours, holding you around the waist as he started working at your clothes.

If whiplash was a thing in moments like these, then you had it bad, trying to follow the taste of him as he backed you both into the bedroom, closing the door and enveloping you both in the gentle glow from the lamp.

“Get on the bed,” Changbin growled when he finally pulled away, reaching down for the hem of his t-shirt. You swallowed hard at the sight of his broad, toned upper form, stumbling backward along the floor, hopping on one leg to finish removing your jeans for him, leaving you completely naked as you lowered yourself onto the mattress. “Good girl,” Changbin cooed, and you shivered at the huskiness of his voice, rubbing your thighs together in anticipation as he blatantly traced the outline of his cock through his jeans.

“Changbin, please,” you panted, already so worked up from just kissing and feeling his hands all over your body that you were desperate for something more.

“What do you want, gorgeous?” he asked, walking slowly around to the front of the bed as you watched him with eager eyes.

“Want you to fuck me,” you said, heart thundering against your chest when he started working apart his belt, pulling down his jeans and boxers and allowing his thick cock to slap up against his abdomen, already so hard for you even though you had just started.

“Hands and knees,” Changbin ordered, and you were surprised by your quick compliance, supporting yourself on shaky limbs as you felt him climb on the bed behind you, tensing when the head of his cock grazed your wet opening. “Look at you,” Changbin rumbled, teasing you even more by running his fingers down your spine, allowing his other hand to reach around to grope your breast.

“Hurry,” you practically begged him, and it was like the metaphorical band had finally snapped, and you moaned when Changbin took a firm hold of your hips, manhandling you back into position. 

“Good girls say please,” he snarled, and your entire form light up at the abrupt command.

“P-please,” you stuttered, and there was an unholy line of curses that left your lips when he directed his cock inside, penetrating you so slowly that you could feel every inch of him until he was snug against your ass.

“Since you asked nicely,” Changbin chuckled, and you had never been so turned on before in your entire life, heart racing and blood pumping, bracing yourself against the mattress when he started thrusting, gentle at first, but then faster and faster as you egged him on, wanting him to go so hard that he split you in half around his cock. 

“Oh, fuck,” you gasped, struggling to maintain any sort of grip on the headboard. 

“You’ve been holding out on me,” Changbin purred into your ear, sounding perfectly put-together despite the fact that he was literally drilling his cock into you. “All those guys you’ve fucked before, I would think your pussy wouldn’t be this tight.”

“You’re just too big,” you managed, crying out when he grazed a sensitive spot. 

“Oh? Is that why this little pussy is leaking so much?” Changbin asked, and you had no response for him, clearly fucked out of all rational thought as his hips slapped against yours in a bruising meeting of skin-on-skin. 

It was undeniable: you had never felt this full before...like Changbin’s cock was somehow reaching all the way to your guts, and you reached down to place a hand over your stomach, imagining feeling the bulge of his cock against the distended skin.

“How does daddy feel?” Changbin whispered into your ear, and if it was possible for him to literally destroy you, then it would be from that heavily suggestive question.

“So good,” you sniffled, tears falling inhibited, leaving your face just as wet as the place where he was crushing himself into you, repeating the same motion of leaving just the tip before re-entering you with added urgency, cock forcing its way between the slick walls of your cunt. 

It was a beautiful melodic song after that (or, perhaps, hard metal would be a much better genre), the rhythm of his hips rolling against your own, hard and then softer, bruising and fleeting, stuffing your pussy on every upstroke, holding you in place by his pure strength. 

You could feel that strength everywhere, the force of his cock squelching between your pulsating walls, the way you moved up and down the bed by his control, and, when you reached back with one hand to feel his arm, the flex of his biceps as his arms worked to move you however he pleased.

“What will your mother say, Y/N?” Changbin asked. “When she finds out that her daughter fucked the man next door?”

Your mother would absolutely lose her shit if she found out that you were willingly spreading your legs for a divorced 32-year old man who had a daughter you were meant to be babysitting. She would be even more taken aback to discover that you loved and craved every second of Changbin’s cock tearing you to pieces, stretching you so good that you imagined that you would still be gaping in the morning, desperate to have him fill you again. 

“Her little girl screaming like a slut for me,” Changbin hissed. “Say my name, Y/N.”

“C-Changbin,” you whimpered, feeling him roll to a slower pace, merely grinding his hips in circles as if teasing you for the answer.

You flinched and nearly cried when he smacked the fleshy part of your ass, trying to look back over your shoulder to see what you had done wrong. “Try again,” he said, giving you a meaningful look that your poor, fucked-out brain still managed to decipher; although, you were burning in your own skin at the thought of saying it out loud....

“Daddy!” you moaned, and Changbin suddenly reached down to catch a fistful of your hair, pulling your head back and forcing your back into an even deeper arch. 

“That’s right,” he sneered. “And Daddy’s about to ruin this pussy, fuck it so full of my cum that you’ll still be feeling it when you go back home tonight to your parents and lie about what you’ve done.”

Your next moan was the loudest of the night, overwhelmed by the nasty things he was saying to you, feeling your orgasm gaining speed and traction the longer he kept fucking you, cock moving at a neck-break pace, and fingers wet and hurried over your clit.

The combined friction of his cock and fingers had you reeling, struggling to keep yourself up as he pummeled you into the mattress. Taking great liberties in the screams he was forcing out of you, realizing that if he angled his hips with one of your legs stretched higher around his hip, then he could somehow reach even deeper, kissing your cervix and threatening to steal the breath from your lungs. 

More and More. Faster and Faster. Until the breaking point was right under your nose...

The next thing you remember is a release that was so intense, you managed to black-out when it was all over, pussy fluttering around the distinct waves of pleasure, barely coherent as Changbin continued chasing his own release until he fulfilled his obscene promise to you. 

Three Weeks Later

You had gotten awfully good at keeping Changbin a secret - a dirty and scandalous whisper at that. 

For a while, your mother questioned your insistence on going over to your neighbor’s house to babysit, especially considering your history of being less than willing to interact with children.

“She’s not like most kids,” you lied, waiting for your mother to relent before grabbing whatever bag you needed consisting of your overnight clothes, trying to appear as nonchalant as possible when you walked over to Changbin’s house.

Your mother watched you, at first, standing on the porch as if ensuring that you made it the dozen or so feet separating your yard from that of your neighbor’s. Eventually, she gave up on trying to catch you doing something you weren’t supposed to, but you still kept up appearances, ringing the doorbell and taking a few steps to the side to leave enough room for the screen to rotate on its hinges, offering you the irresistible view of Changbin standing there in all his glory. 

“You’re early,” he remarked; although he seemed to take great pleasure in seeing you as early as possible.

“Is that okay?” you asked with a knowing look, and Changbin chuckled while giving you his most arrogant smirk. 

In return, you smiled back at Changbin, watching him open the door just a little bit wider in invitation.

It was all you needed before surrendering yourself to whatever delicious and mind-blowing ecstasy awaited on you the other side.  

Summer of 69 indeed.

[lightofraye]

https://www.tumblr.com/rrahuntersblog/751766278218350592/jensen-is-in-his-40s-married-for-over-15-years

Okay, I get people not liking to read about someone criticizing other people’s marriages. That’s totally fair.

But then don’t read posts that do so. Don’t seek them out just to try and prove them wrong. There is no “conclusively proving” exactly what any marriage you aren’t a part of is like. Hell, people often probably can’t even see their own marriage for what it is. Denial is a strong emotion, and all people have been involved in a frog-in-a-boiling-pot situation. It can be hard to hop out before you get cooked.

Okay. Sorry for that analogy. I got sidetracked.

Anyway, I wanted to comment on this because, while I think it’s admirable to stay out of other people’s business (most of the time), JA and DHA are public figures. Jensen telling stories about Danneel invites thought and speculation about their marriage.

And here’s the thing. What a lot of use hear in his stories is not good. Jensen paints a picture of a wife who is never happy with him, who orders him around like a child, who always tries to take him down a peg. Some of his stories are obviously trying to paint her in a “strong” and “independant” light, but often just make her look like a controlling bitch (sorry if that’s not a word you enjoy). The other stores he tells about her sound passive aggressive, like he’s purposely cutting her down but in a way that his obsessive fans don’t notice.

I don’t think Jensen is totally an innocent victim here, either. He has thrown her some truly contemtuous looks and bulldozed over her in shared interviews. He often looks at her like she’s an idiot (Same. To be honest). But, she is more blatantly belittling and underming than him.

Whether you believe Jensen is actively being abused or not (I would say he is emotionally at the very least), they appear to be a toxic couple. Danneel, when not cutting him down, seems to feed Jensen’s ego. And the more time he spends with her, the more arrogant he becomes. This could also be over-compensating for low self-esteem from being in a competitive career and having an unsupportive partner.

AAs like to claim that people hate on Danneel because they want to be her. But not only do I not want to be her, I respect and like Jensen less for tying himself to such a deeply shallow and unpleasant person.

Hi anon!

Wow! Thank you for a lengthy, but apt point to the other anon! (Also, Danneel is a bitch, come on, let's be honest. Though she's a cringey, trashy bitch.)

I agree with what you've said--I love Jensen, I support him, but I do not turn a blind eye to how he's been the last few years. He's in a downward spiral and a large part of it is because 1) he's away from a true friend (Jared), 2) been forced to relocate twice (Texas to Colorado, Colorado to Connecticut) to more expensive housing each time no less, 3) see his career basically crash and burn, now surviving on fumes and hand-outs from friends (yikes), and 4) is now in a lawsuit that literally names him and Danneel regarding a crewmember struck by lightning during The Winchester filming.

There's more, but I think I made my point. I see worrying signs and all I can do is sit back and watch, wishing I could reach out and yank him from the edge.

I can't.

This... this is a battle only he can fight. Danneel isn't there for him; she's the weight at his ankles that will drown him at this point.

They are not couple goals. They are not happy. They are miserable and they are poison for each other.

Uhhh... I might be in a bitchy mood. Ahem. Thank you for your input, anon.

[oinker-33]

A Little Bit Of History: Old Country Humans!

(Heads up - I cannot find the tag for this, so I'm gonna say, trigger warning for Nazi symbols - don't worry, this blog post is just for educational purposes! I have done my best to blur them, however I'm not a very attuned seeker.)

Hey guys, this would usually be a Twitter thread but Elongated Muskrat wants me to pay and I ain’t doing that! So we’re making a Tumblr blogpost!

I don’t know how alive the countryhumans fandom is on here, but I thought I might make a post about something I find cool: this idea is actually pretty old!

See, back in the olden days, after World War 1, political cartoons changed - people began to experiment with new ways of expressing themselves and how they felt, beyond just redrawing what was happening.

This era, which I like to call the experimental era, was from ~1930-1980. Nowadays, political cartoonists are back to being unoriginal little shits, which gives them their grotesque impression in people's minds. But no, there's more to this art form!

There used to be characters used to represent countries. The most popular example is Uncle Sam, we know him, we love him, you even see him in countryhumans art today. And wow, is he old! Look at him in this cartoon from 1947! (Image credi: KB2 - that's all we know about this artist, other than they were from France)

Here, the characters, from left to right are Marianne for France, Gretchen/Germania for Germany, Uncle Sam for the United States, and John Bull for the United Kingdom.

There are two characters for Germany, one is Gretchen/Germania, which is a cruel old woman and I personally dislike because of her misogynistic under tones - German women were disliked for their assertiveness and stereotyped as mean or bitchy. Not their fault particularly - after World War 2 Germany began to shift over to more matriarchal society over a patriarchy, which had been their structure on and off over the years. (Image credit: Pol Ferjac - once again, that's all we know about the artist except their French nationality)

The other one is Michel, who is a chubby, sweet, short, and submissive little man who wears pajamas constantly, keeps having kids with uncooperative mothers (does he birth them himself?), and is a bit lazy. (Image credit to the Saar section of the European movement - most likely multiple artists worked on this)

He was every definition of a wife guy for Marianne, worshipping his lovely woman even if she rejected him. He rarely fought with her, except on the matter of his children, which he would get very defensive about.

Their gender roles were entirely reversed - Marianne took on the role of a man at the time, and Michel, a woman. Why this was collectively decided is not clear to me - perhaps it was what was appropriate to their geopolitics at the time, or a reflection of German societal expectations. Either way, they're the couple (I drew this one on a card for my French teacher)

They fell out of usage after the De Gaulle and Adenauer days as they were thought to be their couple, their children, not appropriate for Giscard d'Estaing and Schmidt, though in the 80s they would be used again with Kohl and Mitterrand because of their relationship making people nostalgic.

Admittedly, there aren't a lot of other countries that I have seen. Some rarer ones include Meisje, who represents the Netherlands (Image credit: Ernst Maria)

Or, this interesting cartoon by Hanns Erich Köhler where he designs people for Italy, Belgium, the Netherlands, Luxembourg, and Denmark, Sweden, and Norway.

So, why did they exist?

Well, some people didn't have access to the information we do. It wasn't easy to find out who ran what, and what they looked like for that manner. They were especially useful during the 50s because governments were in chaos, and having someone just be the entire country saved the headache of figuring out who was ruler at the time. They were often adapted from children's characters as well, bringing nostalgia and kinship.

But then pictures of people became much more wildly available as news networks got back on their feet. After De Gaulle and Adenauer, Marianne and Michel, who were the most utilized outside of Uncle Sam, were laid to rest with their real life equivalents, never brought up again except for nostalgia purposes. Even the Greeks, who lagged behind their German idol, found Kohl and Mitterrand to be much more engaging.

I made my own, by the way. I will probably make another blog explaining each one, since this one is getting much too long.

Thanks for reading!

[cinnamonest]

Rewriting my Diluc housewife thoughts but I saved it in my notes this time, but I made it infinitely more sexist than it already was before bc 1) I was in the kink mood and 2) the spirits of writing gods possessed my body and told me that is the way all Diluc content should be, so, this is major 1950s-ish housewifey horrendously misogynistic shit, you've been warned. Like, even *I* looked back over this and was like "wow this is vile" which is kinda saying something for me so, putting the nastier parts under cut for the sake of my followers' eyes ----------- I was thinking about the post a while back about Diluc reforming a criminal darling - a thief around Mondstadt that's been on a crime spree and of course he catches wind of that and goes to defeat the perpetrator (surprisingly very easy? How is a thief this weak?) and haul the bastard off to jail except... What's this? Said criminal is actually just some girl and not a gross ugly bastard?? This changes things. Clearly, this was not an intentional act of malice or greed, but rather, he, master of criminal psychology™, rationalizes that the world is far too cruel for unwifed girls that have no one to depend on, a cold terrible place, so you must have been driven to these actions out of desperation. You had no provider, no caretaker, which are needs. How could you possibly be expected to provide a means of living for yourself?? This is just the consequences of the unfairness of the world. However, things all work out in the end. You need to be taken care of and restrained from these self-destructive choices by force (since you cannot recognize how bad it is, not that you're expected to, it's natural that you have poor perception, that's why you need a man to make choices for you), and he needs a wife. This solution benefits all parties.

He is, however, a rather dense man, and doesn't really think to like, tell you that. Or tell you anything. He's too lost in thought in his planning -- gonna get you new clothes to replace your ragged ones, gonna have to rearrange the guard schedule so they can watch the house better, all that -- and just kinda slings you up and over his shoulder without a word. Ignores you kicking and hitting because it doesn't really hurt or anything, you're too weak for that. Just says he’ll explain in detail later, but don’t worry, you’re not going to jail. He’s just taking you home. This is better, he says. Stop struggling so much, what, you want to go to jail? No? Then be still. And you don't recognize that it's good for you yet, but again, that's expected. In a better time or society, you would have been married off sooner, and prevented from ever falling victim to your own decision making to begin with, but the world isn't perfect and you can be forgiven for it. You're not responsible for your own actions since you can't comprehend them. It's frustrating and he sighs a bit over it, but that's just the way things are. You'll be happy in the long run, even if it takes a while, you're naturally programmed for a better lifestyle he has in mind. And, really, he's glad you weren't married off, because if you were then he never would have had you, so even though it was technically unideal, the stars align and the universe works out things perfectly. It's all the more of a sign that this was fate and you were made for him. The issue is that a hardened criminal darling is... Not the ideal candidate for a housewife. To some extent, he's right that the criminal underworld hardens a person, you can't survive in that realm if you're submissive or weak willed. And criminal darling certainly is not. Loud mouthed, opinionated, argumentative, bad attitude, defiant and aggressive and very much unafraid. A complete loose cannon. All very unfavorable traits. Worst of all, very much unaccepting of and ungrateful for the privilege of a second chance and being graciously granted the opportunity for a better life. Lots of bad behaviors.

The cursing is a problem. It's not very... Wife-like. Gives off a bad image, you know. Especially since said cursing is usually directed at him at a very loud volume with a snarl and getting all up in his face to tell him he's fucking insane and a bastard. To be honest, the worst part isn't the words themselves, it's the fact that you are so unafraid to be defiant and so fiery that is the primary issue. You disobey very deliberately. Little acts of pettiness. Being mean to the maids who are so graciously trying to teach you how to cook (at his direction), since you had no idea how to (and nearly burned his house down as a result). The first time you were mean and bitter and that's how you learned they report back to him about how you behaved. It did not go over well.  

Intentionally burning food. Once you somehow found a bottle in a cabinet somewhere in the mansion and put rat poison in his food, made him sick. Muttering a sarcastic whoops and shoving a vase off to crash and shatter on the floor. Early on you refused to wear all the nice dresses you were generously given and even tried to go through his clothes to find something to wear, which was kinda cute since it was way too big, but still. You mutter and grumble under your breath every time you're given a command. The most important thing is sex, though. You know, your job. One of your only real responsibilities. He has a very stressful job. It's only reasonable that he can expect to come home to his sweet, loving little wife with open arms and equally open legs. You've probably fucked around a bit right? For money, for favors, for intel, you get the idea, lots of ties to criminal gangs to earn their trust. So, if you do it for something so insignificant, how much more does he deserve it for taking care of you fully? You should -- and you will, with time -- drop to your knees the second he walks through the door. But instead, sigh, you fight and whimper and cover your face in shame after you spasm and cum, and worst of all, you actively try not to cum. You shouldn't feel ashamed of that, it's good, he says. Sure, you may not be officially married (since the laws of Mondstadt unfortunately require that whole "consent" thing for both parties, ugh), but, he's basically your husband right? So, it's perfectly normal, you're supposed to cum for him. Maybe once you're all knocked up you'll be even hornier, and less shameful. He actually wasn't expecting you to be this bad. Incredibly stubborn and prideful. Literally the exact opposite traits of a good wife, you know, submissive and humble and obedient. He kinda thought that it was like... automatic. That once he just kinda shoved you in the right environment, it would be like flipping a switch right? Apparently not. But no matter. It can be changed, with effort and time. You're worth it. See, you're not supposed to backtalk him, you're supposed to smile and do what you're told without question. You're supposed to submit and obey, and instead you seem hellbent on pissing him off out of spite - and frankly, you're doing a good job of achieving that. Every time you defy him it sparks an irritation he can't describe, worse than he'd normally get from just being snarled at by anyone - no, something about being disrespected by someone he feels is beneath him makes him much, much angrier than it would be if it were, say, one of the business partners who get snappy and argumentative very frequently. He could break you and it would be easy, don't you know that? You stomp and you hit him and you yell, but clearly you process that you have to look up to look him in the eye, you have to realize how much smaller you are. You hit him even though you have to know by now he'll just grab your wrists, and like always you'll be unable to even hope of pulling out of his grip, the strength difference between you two is so great. There's no way you don't realize all that, yet you continue to behave the way you do. The inferiority is so blatantly obvious, but you act as if it's not. He spends a lot of time contemplating the source of this, the cause of your behavior, it occupies his thoughts. It's like... You resent him for something. Could it possibly be kidnapping you and keeping you as a glorified sex slave? No, no, that's not it. It's something else, yes. Are you just bitter about being inferior in, you know, every conceivable way? Is that it? The criminality for you was compensation to make you feel powerful, perhaps. You have a complex. You resent him not for anything he's done, but because you know he's stronger and smarter and generally superior to you. You don't want to accept it. You're prideful when you shouldn't be. You're supposed to be humble and content with your inferiority. Yeah, that's it. You just have a negative perception of the lifestyle you're supposed to have. Maybe some event in your life or someone else warped your view of things. You don't realize how happy you'd be if you just accepted it. Yes, if you submitted to it, if you swallowed your pride and actually accepted your place, you'd find you would be very happy, you just don't know that. Or maybe, your brain can't grasp something like that. After all, that's the reason you're supposed to be the submissive party of the two of you, you're not as bright or perceptive (says the densest man alive). You have to be... Led. Guided. So he says it. He is, again, a dense man. He does not really think about the fact that perhaps blatantly confronting you with the epiphany he thinks he's had and specifically using the words inferior and weak and small is probably not going to make you very happy. You get bitchy and bratty and try to hit him and he sighs because, see, this is exactly what he's talking about. You reacting the way you did only confirms you do have a complex, he says. So, how could he go about... reconditioning? He is not the most creative man, but thankfully it's a rather easy problem to solve. If you're reminded of a reality often enough, you have to accept it. For starters, using physical strength against you. Maybe that will metaphorically open your eyes. Holds you down in place when you're hitting him like you do, firmly bending you over a counter or whatever and just holding you in place. Come on, try to get up, try to push him off. You snarl and claw at the marble and push will all your strength, but he doesn't budge, not until you politely apologize and ask him to let you up. If you're being difficult and not going where he tells you to, well, he can just sling you up over his shoulder and carry you. If you're fighting being fucked he can just flip you over and press your face into the mattress and hold you still, and you can't help but take the brutal reality that you're basically a ragdoll to him, that is, physically overpowering you doesn't even require trying. It helps to knock you down a peg, remind you of your place and maybe get you to swallow that pride a bit. The orgasms and fucking have a similar effect -- every time you can't help but feel like he has a power over you. And really, he kinda does. Every time you lay there still panting and shivering in aftershock, the shame comes swarming in, all the obscene noises you made and the way you came undone under the person that treats you like property. Even if the rational part of you knows better, you can't help but feel like in a way it's like you let him win, allowed yourself to more or less prove him right. Maybe you'll learn better if you're in more humiliating positions. Stuck getting rammed from behind, hand forcing your face down and ass up. Actually correcting bad behaviors requires more direct approaches, so he takes the... Old fashioned route. After all, it's pretty much guaranteed to work. You don't listen to words, you don't listen to reason, but you'll certainly listen to handprints and belt welts on your ass. It's the first time you really, truly break, and that brings him a lot of satisfaction. The first time you really cry and whimper and beg and apologize so profusely it feels like you mean it for once. Granted, for a while you just persist in your bad behaviors and even try to run when you see him sigh and take the belt off, but you never get far. And, most notably, you actually fix your behaviors, with enough reminders. At one point, the next time you start being bad and get to bitching and snarling and putting up a fight, you catch the look on his face and, for once, you shut your mouth and look down and mumble an apology by default. See, you're learning. Speaking of, you still have that major issue with backtalking him. You're supposed to submit to him and acknowledge his authority over you. So he gets firm. Grabs you by the jaw and forces you to look him in the eye and reminds you that you will *not* get an attitude with him. You *will* show some respect. You say yes sir and no sir and do what you're told. And if you forget, he can give you a reminder, if you want that. But you shake your head with fear in your eyes, say you don't want that. It makes you mad. You want to lash back, but you swallow your pride and mutter a fine - before realizing the mistake, violating the rule you were just reminded of. You stammer out a yes sir but it's already too late. He has to control himself too, not let his anger get the better of him. He speaks in a way that isn't snarling and mean, but rather firm, cold, a flat tone that asserts dominance and demands respect. But... still wants you to like him. So he has to be nice, too. After all, you'll learn better if you're rewarded for being good, right? So you can get little rewards. Words of affirmation. A pat to the head. He'll buy you something you want, let you drink a bit (since, as a thief, of course, you had a problem with that before you came home, but that had to be corrected too, since drunkenness isn't very befitting). And sooner or later he does have a really good little wife. He's proud of you. You smile and obey commands without complaining. He can come home every day, and rather than hearing a long report from the staff about how much trouble you caused that day, instead you have food and smiles and sweet affection waiting on him, you hug him when he walks through the door. You're polite and sweet to the various business partners and guests that come through -- you don't speak to them without permission though, of course, and you look down at the ground so you don't make eye contact with another man. People say he's lucky and how they wish they had a wife that was so outwardly affectionate to them as you are to him, always clinging to him physically. And you don't complain or every object to anything, you just smile and say yes and do it. It makes him happy in a weird way he can't quite articulate. A warm swell of pride, a feeling of success. You have vague memories of a time when you were breaking into houses just to scrape by, not knowing when you'd eat next, not knowing where you'd sleep. It's kind of a fuzzy memory now. You don't have to worry about those things anymore, and you're a lot happier this way.