#WILD. WACKY. DOWN BAD BEHAVIOR

[brainrotcharacters]

"it should be me" those are romance words Logan

[curewhimsy]

Vocal Synth Total Drama Island AU Concept (so far)

———Very Short Character Introductions——— (56 campers in all, aged 14-18) Haku Yowane- A sweet, lonely, sensitive girl with a lot of heart. Age 17. Neru Akita- A courageous tomboy who is misunderstood. Age 17. Miku Hatsune- A bubbly, cheerful, outgoing girl with a lot of friends. Age 15. Luka Megurine- An artistic girl who has a bit of anxiety. Good friends with Meiko. Age 18. Teto Kasane- A bubbly, cheerful girl with an unexpected temper and badass side. Age 15. Megumi “Gumi”- A bit shy, but underneath, she is very brave and resourceful. Age 16. Meiko Sakine- The Mom Friend. Confident and likes to help people. Age 18. Momo Momone- The nicest girl, to the point of being a pushover… Age 15. Rin Kagamine- Unhinged gremlin sibling 1. Loves causing mayhem. Age 14. Len Kagamine- Unhinged gremlin sibling 2. Loves causing chaos. Age 14. Eleanor Forte- The mean girl and drama queen. Cause of lots of drama. Age 17. Kaito Shion- The dorky boy who always has a cheesy smile on his face. Age 17. Akaito Shion- The moody playboy. More serious than Kaito, but bad-tempered. Age 18. Koto Fuuga- Nature girl. Knows all about bird calls, animal behavior, and more. Age 16. Taya Soune- An extremely polite guy. Always dresses formally. Always. Age 15. Ruko Yokune- Despite her height and quirky love of coffee, quite level-headed. Age 15. Ritsu Namine- Loud and obnoxious, but has a caring and wise side? Age 15. Merli Aoki- A snobby, pretentious girl. Not Like Other Girls. Age 17. Lapis Aoki- Mischievous and up to trouble. Merli’s sister. Age 15. Gakupo Kamui- He’s… just strange. And eccentric. And awkward. Age 17. Miku “Zatsune”- A wannabe goth. Basically, she’s in training. Thinks she’s edgy. Age 15. Uta “Defoko” Utane- A sarcastic, moody teenage girl. But she does have a sweet side. Age 15. Dell Honne- Haku’s grumpy, angsty half brother she hasn’t seen in years. Age 18. Yuuma- The popular boy. Eleanor likes him. Can be materialistic. Age 18. Dandy “704”- A very arrogant and vain guy. Quite selfish and loves to show off. Age 18. “Lady” Parsec- A commanding bully who demands and orders people around. Age 17. Yuu- A cheerful guy who likes parties and fun. Age 16. Wil- A somewhat quiet, mysterious guy who keeps to himself. Age 16. Kyo- A wild guy who is impulsive and kind of dumb. Age 16. Daina- Basically, she’s a furry. Her fursona is a fox. Age 17. Dex- Basically, he’s a furry. His fursona is a wolf. Age 17. Ruby- A girl who likes memes and is basically just vibing through life. Age 16. Yukari Yuzuki- A modest girl who has a crush on Ruby. Easily impressed. Age 16. Shian- An innocent girl who is also quick-tempered and pouts easily. Age 14. Muxin- A kind, knowledgeable boy. He loves history and astronomy. Age 14. IA- A bit mysterious and seems cold and expressionless. Age 16. Piko Utatane- Shy, quiet, and cold. Gets along with Muxin due to similar interests. Age 15. Genbu- Overly-enthusiastic and brash. A bit of a loudmouth. Age 18. Chiyu- Bold, brash, and brave. Kind-hearted and strong. Age 17. Haiyi- Talks a lot. Usually has something up her sleeve. A prank perhaps? Age 16. Leeds Kasumiga- A timid girl with a mysterious heart illness that inhibits her. Age 14. Mew- A real goth, unlike Zatsune, who is a goth-in-training. Age 18. Tei Sukone- A dastardly, manipulative villain who fools people, then bites. Age 16. Cider- A smug, self-absorbed inventor of elaborate but stupid inventions. Age 17. Bruno- An agreeable, outgoing guy who likes spreading good vibes. Age 18. Clara- Bruno’s girlfriend. A little bit timid, but always kind and optimistic. Age 17. Aku Yamine- Quiet and a bit melancholic. She’s… a different type of goth. Emo? Age 14. Lily- A tough high-school delinquent who stands up for the weak. Age 17. Amy- Cheerful, optimistic, yet quite chill. Doubts herself often however. Age 16. Chris- He might be a big guy, but he is quite shy and very gentle. Age 18. Kaori- She seems confident and bright on the outside, but hides sadness? Age 17. Ken- He’s talkative, smart, kind of a dork, but very focused and brave. Age 17. Iroha Nekomura- Innocent and sweet, but agile, with cat-like reflexes. Age 14. SeeU- Energetic, hyperactive, makes bad puns, silly, makes bad puns… Age 16. Kiyoteru Hiyama is the host of the game show. Big Al is in the role of Chef. ——Episodes——— Prologue 1- Introduction to concept. Characters see the advertisement for the game show and contemplate going on it. The winner gets a million dollars! Prologue 2- Introduction to characters via their audition videos, part 1. Kiyoteru chooses contestants. Prologue 3- Introduction to characters via their audition videos, part 2. Kiyoteru chooses contestants. Episode 1- Everyone arrives at Total Drama Island and meets each other. Some get along, and many clash. Notable big-drama-causers include Tei, Eleanor, Dandy, Parsec, Cider, Merli sometimes, and Zatsune sometimes. Koto, Genbu, Ritsu, Haiyi, Daina, and Dex stick out for being especially wild. But really, everyone’s unique personality contributes to the drama and pot of chemistry in their own way. Another camper who sticks out is Gakupo Kamui, who enthusiastically boasts about his skills in martial arts and how ready he is to win Total Drama Island. He begins to get on the nerves of the other campers. “I can out-run, out-kick, out-sing, out-wit, and even out-PISS anybody else here.” Gakupo says. “Well, can you do us a favor and GET-out?” Meiko says. Episode 2- Campers have to jump off a one thousand-foot cliff into a shark-infested lake. Then they have to pull some crates back to camp, and the team from before with the most people who jumped get carts to help them. Then they have to build a hot tub from material found in the crates. The team with the best hot tub wins the challenge. The campers who were too scared to jump off the cliff have to wear chicken costumes for the rest of the day. Despite his incessant bragging previously, Gakupo is one of the few campers who does not jump off the cliff, because it is revealed he is scared of heights, sharks, AND deep water! He even pisses himself and dramatically faints when he gets close to the edge of the cliff... and then he faints off the cliff! However, his jump isn’t accounted for, because Gakupo was not conscious during his fall. Luka has to be the one to jump in after and rescue him! This causes Gakupo of The Dangerous Dolphins to be the first campter voted off. “Well… I guess he was right about out-pissing everyone here.” Neru laughs. The other campers too scared to jump are Taya, Dandy, Eleanor, Clara, Muxin, Chris, and Kaito. Haku is at first too scared, but her best friend Neru encourages her to be brave. They jump together and yell funny things on the way down. Even though Eleanor is scared, she ends up going over anyway after Chiyu pushes her off the cliff, being sick of Eleanor’s arrogance. However, it isn’t even accounted for, because Eleanor did not jump by her own will. Clara is too frightened and doesn’t make the jump, which is surprising, because she was so enthusiastic before. However, her boyfriend Bruno jumped without her… Taya takes one look down the cliff and starts backing away, crying from fear. He feels ashamed that he’s so scared, but he cannot help it. He gets pats on the back from Clara. Dandy makes an excuse as to why he can’t jump. He says he has an open wound from a fencing accident. In reality, Dandy does not fence. Muxin is too scared, but asserts that he doesn’t have to jump off the cliff if he doesn’t want to, and that the challenge is ridiculous. He then comforts Taya, who is curled up sobbing, and tells him not to feel shame. Taya and Muxin become friends, but sadly are on different teams. Chris is too scared and actually starts crying too. People don’t expect it. Kaito is scared to jump, panics and makes a bit of a scene, and is then picked on and belittled by his brother Akaito for the rest of the day. Kaito then vows he will become braver from here on. Braver, and stronger! Leeds actually does jump from the cliff, but it causes her heart to become weak and she has trouble walking for the rest of the day. Some of the members on her team rudely deem her a nuisance, but others tell her to take it easy and understand her. Afterwards, Clara gets a bit sour at Bruno, who is her boyfriend, for jumping the cliff without noticing she was too scared. Koto jumps the cliff and she actually has fun. But afterwards, she wears a chicken suit anyway, because she loves birds. Episode 3- The challenge is to stay awake the longest in the "Awake-A-Thon" after running twenty-kilometers and eating a huge meal that includes turkey, which is known for making people sleepy. Dell of The Killer Porpoises gets voted off for falling asleep first. He generally has a bad attitude and is apathetic. Haku feels heartbroken because Total Drama Island was the first time she had seen Dell since her parents’ divorce (by complete chance, even,) and he is not the warm person he used to be. Also, the time was so short. But unexpectedly, Dell acts nice to Haku right before he leaves, calling her to his room when he’s packing to go off the island. They have a nice conversation. Before Haku says goodbye, Dell says “Listen, I’m just not cut out for this wacky game. So you better win. I KNOW you can do it.” Haku begins crying and hugs Dell. Just like when they were kids. There will eventually be a list of who falls asleep first to last, but that’s quite convoluted. So I will say Dell falls asleep first, and Ruko second. Campers were not allowed to drink coffee during the challenge, rendering our Long Sleeper without access to her “secret weapon.” Koto stays up the longest, because she is a bird lover and loves birds too much to consume them. She was the only one who didn’t eat any turkey with her meal, and therefore didn’t become as sleepy. Also simply because she is badass and feral. Episode 4- A best-of-five dodgeball game. Five people are randomly chosen on each team. This is repeated three times for a total of three rounds of dodgeball. The Dangerous Dolphins win 2 out of 3 games. Zatsune of The Killer Porpoises gets voted off for being scared of dodgeball. It was a fear ingrained into her from her elementary school days, when the “dodgeball kids would bully her.” Sadly, since Zatsune always acts so cocky, nobody feels much sympathy now. Taya and Muxin want to spend time with each other. Being on different teams, they can’t, and are deemed traitors. But when Tei, on Taya’s team, suggests Taya could get valuable information about the other team via Muxin, Taya refuses to sabotage their friendship. This causes Tei to begin picking on Taya… Episode 5- A three-on-three talent show contest. Dex of The Killer Porpoises gets voted off for no reason. He wasn’t even in the talent show! Dandy wanted to get chosen by his team, the Dangerous Dolphins, to be in the talent show, claiming his “talent” was unmatched. However, he wasn’t chosen because he didn’t exactly have any real actual skills despite his claim! Taya, Luka, and Gumi are eventually chosen by the Dangerous Dolphins for their talents in music. Luka will play piano, Taya will play the violin, and Gumi will play the electric bass as they all sing a song cover. This causes Dandy to criticize their every note and call them amateur. Given Taya and Gumi’s low self-esteem, Dandy’s criticism gets to them before the final talent show. As for the Killer Porpoises, Yuuma, Ritsu, and IA get chosen as the team’s musicians. They form more of an idol dance group, with a pre-recorded background track. (It will also be a cover.) The Dangerous Dolphins actually win. If they were to have lost, Dandy would’ve probably been the one voted off for being a prick. Episode 6- Campers have to go to the forest, stay out there overnight, then race back to the campgrounds in the morning. Yukari of the Killer Porpoises gets voted off. See, it wasn’t really Yukari’s fault, but… she got attacked by a bear and is now too injured to stay for the game, so the voting off was mandatory, even though the Killer Porpoises otherwise won. Everyone becomes more-or-less traumatized at this, and feel very hurt for Yukari. Episode 7- Campers have to face their worst fear, specific to each camper. Yuuma gets voted off. Koto’s worst fear is the perfume department from Spongebob, because that scene scarred her as a little kid. So the host of the game show, Kiyoteru, magically opens a door to the perfume department at a real department store and Koto has to walk through it. Koto only makes it 5 steps in before she runs out, screaming. She does not pass her fear test! Yuuma is scared of the Crab Rave because there are too many crabs. So he is taken to a part of the island overrun by crabs, and Kiyoteru turns on the Crab Rave song and they all start dancing. Yuuma dives into the water screaming. But the crabs chase him. He doesn’t pass his fear test. Taya attempts to outwit Kiyoteru and pretends he is afraid of strawberry shortcake, which is actually his favorite food. But everyone remembers how scared he was in the first challenge at the cliff. So Taya’s specific challenge is to jump off the cliff this time… Episode 8- Row a canoe to Boney Island, portage across the island, start a bonfire, and canoe back to camp. Wil gets voted off. Episode 9- Hunt the other team dressed as deers with paintball guns, or if one is a deer, avoid being hit by them. Piko gets voted off. Episode 10- Create a three-course meal for Kiyoteru to judge. Three chefs are chosen from each team. Miku gets voted off. Episode 11- Participate in a set of three-out-of-five trust exercises. Shian gets voted off. Episode 12- Make it through Big Al’s life-threatening and disgusting boot-camp challenges. IA gets voted off. Episode 13- Participate in three extreme sport challenges. The challenges are "sofa skydiving", riding a moose while avoiding being tossed off it, and water-skiing on mud. Lapis gets voted off. Episode 14- Eat a nine course meal of disgusting food made by Big Al. Drink shot glasses of blended cockroaches. Yuu gets voted off. Episode 15- Episode 16- Episode 17- Episode 18- Episode 19- Episode 20- Episode 21- Episode 22- Episode 23- Episode 24- Episode 25- Episode 26- Episode 27- Episode 28- Episode 29- Episode 30- Episode 31 Episode 32- Episode 33- Episode 34- Episode 35- Episode 36- Episode 37- Episode 38- Episode 39- Episode 40- Episode 41- Episode 42- Episode 43- After this challenge, the teams are disbanded. It’s now every camper for themself. Episode 44- Get through several rounds of torture, lasting at least ten seconds in each one. Eleanor gets voted off because she can’t take torture. Episode 45- Receive a clue to find a key hidden somewhere in the island to open a treasure chest containing a prize. Ritsu found a dud chest and his prize was… getting voted off. Episode 46- Avoid getting sprayed by Big Al’s water gun in a game of hide and seek. Parsec gets voted off. Good riddance! Episode 47- Build a bike from scratch, and then race it. Who rides who’s bike? Anyway, Dandy gets voted off. Probably because he’s 7 foot 4 and huge. He probably broke all the bikes. Episode 48- Watch a horror movie and then avoid being captured by a "deranged killer". Gumi gets voted off because she was scared. Episode 49- Catch the specific animal assigned by Kiyoteru and bring it back to the campground unharmed. Taya had to bring back a raccoon. He came back first. Koto had to bring back a bear. She came back second. What a total beast! And I’m talking about KOTO! Genbu had to bring back an eagle. He came back third. Leeds had to bring back a frog. She came back fourth. Kaito had to being back a squirrel. He came back fifth. Haku had to bring back a moose. She came back sixth. Tei gets sent off because she couldn’t bring back a mere chipmunk. The little chipmunk was trained in king-fu and ended up beating her up! Hooray! Episode 50- Compete in the following while handcuffed to one of the other campers: eat disgusting food with your hands behind your back while the person handcuffed to you feeds you, return a fragment of Haku’s cursed tiki idol to Boney Island, and assemble a totem pole with the wooden heads of the voted out campers in the order that they are eliminated. Taya gets voted off. Episode 51- Campers have to find Kiyoteru and Big Al after being washed away by a storm. Leeds gets voted off because her condition came to its worse. Her weak heart had finally failed on her and she suffered a heart attack. She was doing so good in the game despite her shortcomings, and will serve as an inspiration for many. Leeds will not die. She is in good hands. She will get top medical care. Now, a twist is revealed to the audience. Everyone who was voted off actually went to go to a beautiful island resort. The remaining campers still don’t know about this. When Leeds finally gets consciousness back, she finds she is in paradise. At first, she thinks she is dead. The room then fills up with everyone else voted off, and she begins crying. “They really killed you?” She cries. “No, Leeds!” Yukari says. “You’re alive! You made it… to Paradise Island!” Episode 52- An episode dedicated to the Island of Losers, which is actually a five-star island resort paradise. Yukari has fully recovered from her injuries. Gakupo and all the others who were eliminated early finally get their time to shine! The losers will also be involved in the episodes to come, as they will be the audience. Episode 53- The campers have to find their way back to camp after being left in the wild with limited supplies. Unexpectedly, our total beast, Koto Fuuga, comes back last. Rumors have it, this is because she found a bird sanctuary and got distracted. Episode 54- Survive a series of dares, given by the eliminated campers until someone drops out. Haku is forced to do something horrible by Tei. Tei dares Haku to joke around and portray offensive stereotypes. On national TV. She just can’t do it… She drops out, but not before insulting Tei to her face. But Kaito says Haku made the right choice. She sacrificed her chance to win a million dollars so that Tei didn’t have to force her to make a choice that could hurt people when they see it on TV. Kaito thinks Haku deserves an amazing consolation prize. Genbu respects Haku for this as well. Episode 55- The two remaining campers have to climb a pole and retrieve a flag, walk across a board on top of shark-infested waters while carrying an eagle's egg, and run a race to cross the finish line. Kaito is about to give up… but… There is ice cream at the finish line! Kaito makes a mad dash to the finish line and wins Total Drama Island!! Episode 56- Kaito won! But there is a twist. In order to actually win the million dollars, he has to find the a case containing the $1,000,000 and bring it to the Dock of Shame before anyone else does! This is a race between him and all the other campers! If any of the other campers being it to the Dock of Shame before Kaito, there will be a whole second season of Total Drama Island, and Kaito will have to win all over again before he gets his million dollars… ———Teams——— ———The Dangerous Dolphins——— Taya Chiyu Meiko Kyo Koto Tei Momo Neru Akaito Clara Gakupo Gumi Shian Dandy Luka Merli Daina Haiyi Lily Len Amy Ken SeeU Cider Teto Haku Uta ———The Killer Porpoises——— Yuuma Zatsune Mew Eleanor Ruby Dell Kaito Ruko Ritsu Wil Leeds Genbu Dex Bruno Iroha Miku Piko IA Chris Kaori Yuu Parsec Rin Lapis Yukari Aku Muxin ———Notable relationships——— Familial- Akaito and Kaito are brothers. Lapis and Merli are adoptive sisters. Haku and Dell are half-siblings who don’t live together, and haven’t seen each other in years before Total Drama Island. Rin and Len are twin siblings. Haku and Miku are cousins. Amy and Chris are cousins. Kaori and Ken are twin siblings, yet distant. They didn’t grow up in the same household. Ruko has a close cousin named Rook, who isn’t on TDI. Momo has an older brother, Momotaro, who isn’t on TDI. Uta has a younger sister, Koe, and two older brothers, Hibiki and Kanade, who aren’t on TDI. Teto has an older brother, Ted, who isn’t on TDI. Leeds has an older brother, Loop, who isn’t on TDI. Yukari has a little sister named Akari who isn’t on TDI. IA has a little sister named One who isn’t on TDI. Friendship- Miku, Rin, Len, and Luka have been a group of friends before TDI Haku and Neru were best friends before TDI Dex and Daina were best friends before TDI Momo, Teto, and Uta were best friends before TDI Ruko meets Ritsu and they become best friends Taya and Muxin become unlikely friends, despite being on different teams Romance- Bruno and Clara were dating before TDI Teto and Momo’s friendship eventually becomes romance. Haku meets Luka and they form a budding romance Amy meets Kaori and they form a budding romance Taya meets Uta and they form a budding romance Muxin meets Piko and they form a budding romance Lily meets Gumi and they form a budding romance Crushes- Len has always a crush on Miku. Tei has an obsessive crush on Kaito. Yukari has a crush on Ruby. Leeds has an embarrassing crush on Genbu. Eleanor has a crush on Yuuma. Ken has a crush on Chris. Dandy has a crush on Parsec. Akaito has a crush on Haku. Zatsune has a crush on Mew. She denies it. Gumi has a crush on IA. Dislike- Dandy and Cider always fight… with a weird sort of tension. Akaito and Uta don’t get along Miku Zatsune and Miku Hatsune don’t get along Lily and Merli don’t get along (MORE COMING SOON)

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

What do you think the Animorphs would be like playing D&D? Not "the Animorphs in a D&D world", but the Animorphs actually sitting down and having a campaign of D&D. Like the classes/races they'd pick, their play styles, wacky shenanigans (because we all know it would happen).

[Credit to Cates for 100% of the character builds, and most of the lore, in this AU.  In case you were wondering, I’m the Jake-style “never read the manual” chaotic-dumbass bard of our campaign; she’s the Marco-style “uses the rules exactly as much or little as needed” DM.]

It was decided almost right away that one on the team had any alignment.  As DM, Marco attempted to start there, only to have Ax begin questioning whether the manual’s explanations of “good” and “evil” truly captured human ethics on a grand scale.  Tobias claimed that Ax was looking at it all wrong, that the moralities were only default behavior types within the game, and that within this particular context morality didn’t matter.  Cassie got very concerned about the idea of context-dependent morality, Rachel declared that the book was stupid and short-sighted for claiming that destroying things was always bad, Jake quietly asked for the fourth or fifth time if this game was actually a good idea…

“Fine!” Marco announced.  “You’re all amoral characters.�� Happy?”

“‘Amoral’ implies that we’re immoral, doesn’t it?” Cassie asked.  “Or that we exist outside the spectrum of moralities?”

“Just…”  Marco rolled his eyes.  “Everyone leave that spot on your character sheet blank, okay?  If it ever comes up, we’ll deal with it on a case-by-case basis.”

“Yes,” Ax said, “although you never did answer my question about the implied ethical structure of this universe.”

After that, character creation went fairly smoothly.  Kind of.

“Why does Dennis need a backstory, again?” Jake asked, looking down at his sheet.

“Dennis?” Marco said.  “Dennis?  

“You already said I wasn’t allowed to use ‘Dylan’ or ‘Brad’, so…’”

“C’mon man, this is D’nD.  There are no Dennises in medieval fantasy epics.”

“Fine.”  Jake crossed out and rewrote the name at the top of his character sheet.  “Why does Keith need a backstory?”

“To explain his motivation.”

“You just said that the whole time we’re going to be chased around by orcs and whatnot.  Isn’t not dying enough motivation?”

“You really don’t understand this game, do you?” Rachel said.

“I really don’t understand this game,” Jake agreed.

“My character’s a dragonborn rogue named Joan, and she’s the greatest gymnast of all time.”  Rachel added a Dexterity marker to her sheet with a flourish.

“I thought I was a dragonborn,” Jake said.  “Is that allowed?”

“Yeah, we can have as many dragonborns as you all want.”  Marco shrugged.  “We just can’t have multiple bards.  And since you called dibs on that class, and Rachel wants to be a rogue, we’re fine.”

“Yeah, okay,” Jake said.  “I just want to help out the team.  Or, uh, Keith does?”

“Great.”

“So that’s my backstory, right?  Being a bard?”

“Yes,” Rachel said, at the same time Marco said, “No!”

In the end, Marco declared that if neither Rachel nor Jake could come up with a proper backstory, he was making their characters cousins.  Tobias, who had a better flair for the romantic, declared that said cousins were from an internationally feared family of highwaymen.

“So does that get us any extra skills, coming from a family of pirates?” Rachel asked.

“Maybe it’d explain how good your character is at gymnastics,” Jake said.  “Because of riggings and all.”

“Highwaymen.”  Marco looked up from where he was trying to salvage Keith’s stats from the hopeless tangle of Jake’s incorrect math.  “Tobias said you guys are highwaymen, not pirates.”

“What are pirates but highwaymen of the sea?” Tobias asked, tilting his head in thought.

“Just put us down as jewel thieves.”  Rachel made a note on her own sheet.  “Jewel thieves of diverse methodology.  Wherever jewels can be found, there we are with threats of violence to take them away.”

“By the way, why is Ax now a tiefling?” Tobias asked Marco.

“I told Marco I have no preference for my class and race,” Ax said.  “And the word is most pleasant, tea-fling.  Ffflllling.”

“They’re blue and have tails.”  Marco smirked at Tobias.  “It’s perfect!”

Rachel and Jake might’ve been vague on the idea of backstory, but Ax was quite definite.

“I am Eldrias the tiefling, fffflllling, paladin.  She was raised by cows,” he announced.

“Don’t you mean raised by wolves?” Jake said.  “Isn’t that a thing, raised by wolves?”

“Uh-huh,” Marco said, “since your land-pirates make perfect sense.”

“Wolves are beautiful animals, but they pale in comparison to cows,” Ax said.  “Among other things, wolves’ meat is not so succulent and does not pair nearly as well with french fries.”

“Okay then,” Jake said, “raised by cows.  Got it.”

Becoming a barbarian was Cassie’s idea.  She spun through the manual in a rapid burst of pages, brushing gentle fingertips over the beautifully rendered illustrations, and then pressed it shut.  “Barbarian,” she said.  “That’s the one that can protect the team the best, right?  So I’ll be a barbarian.”

Marco laughed.  “All right then.  Barbarian it is.  Anything else in mind, for this barbarian of yours?”

Cassie tapped a finger against her lower lip, fluttering through the first several pages of the manual once again.  “I could make my character a big, tall guy, right?”

“Sure.”

“But I want pointy ears.”  She grinned at the rest of the table, somewhat sheepish.

“Half-elf barbarian, then?”

“Half-elf barbarian.”  Cassie looked down at the sheet in front of her.  “He can be named Reisgalan Von Schwartzel of the Morsgalath Half-Elves, Lord of the Plains and Wielder of…”  She glanced around.  “What’s that thing with the spiky ball on a stick?”

“Mace,” Rachel provided.

“Mace is that spray you use on bears and muggers,” Jake said.

“And it’s also a spiky ball on a stick.”  Marco glanced at Cassie’s sheet.  “You have a backstory for Reisgalan Von Whatshisface?”

“Hmmmm.  Can I be widowed and have a tragically dead prince I must avenge?”

“Is it me?”  Jake smiled hopefully.

“What?”  Cassie frowned at him.  “No.  That’d be horrible.”  She looked over at Marco.  “Uh, can my character be a guy and also have a dead husband?  Is that allowed?”

“Yeah, sure,” Marco said.  “I’m the ruler of this universe, so I say it’s fine.  And Tobias is the designated rules lawyer, so he’ll probably have some reason that it’s not.”

“I am not rules-lawyering!”

Marco looked at Ax’s character sheet, and then pointedly back up at Tobias.  “Ax, how did you end up as not just a paladin, but a paladin that’s even more overpowered than the standard build?”

“Paladins are allowed.”  Tobias shrugged.  “It’s right there in the manual.”

“Ax, how you have splint armor?” Marco demanded.

“Paladins can wear Heavy armor,” Tobias sing-songed.

Marco growled.

Ax squinted at his character sheet. “Tobias says when I get to Level Three, I will take the Oath of Vengeance and take a Vow of Enmity. I will know the spells Thunderous Smite, Command, and Detect Magic.”

Marco’s face was turning an interesting shade of red.

“Oh, and Eldrias the paladin is taking Great Weapon as her Fighting Style.”  Tobias wasn’t bothering to hide his smirk.  “It’s all perfectly legal.”

Ax frowned at Marco.  “Banging your head against the table with that level of force may have an adverse effect on your brain’s ability to function.” 

“I’m not rules-lawyering for selfish gain,” Tobias said loftily, looking over Marco’s prone form.  “And besides, Ax is new at this.  He needs all the help he can get.”

“You find yourselves in a magical land.”  Marco made a wild gesture in the air.  It was probably meant to look dramatic and mysterious.  “A land known as Falicornia.”

“Marco sucks at naming things,” Rachel whispered loudly.

“Rachel sucks at listening,” Marco whispered more loudly.

“You were saying?” Jake asked.

“This magical land is under threat from the dread god Cthulu!  You must stop him through using the Philosopher’s Stone, which is powerful but cannot be used except by those who do not wish to use it.  It contains many powerful temptations for the bearer.  You must journey across the land, facing many dangers, to bring it to the only magical mirror that can destroy it before Cthulu has the chance to rise from that mirror and take over the world.”

Cassie raised her hand.

“Yes?” Marco said.

“Why does Cthulu want to take over the world?” she asked.  “Does he need it for something?”

Marco sighed.  “He wants to take over because he’s Cthulu.  Any other questions?”

“First question: did you steal more of this plot from The Lord of the Rings, or Harry Potter?” Rachel said immediately.  “Second question—”  She turned to Ax.  “Have we showed you those movies?”

“He’s reading the books first,” Tobias said.

“I’m reading the books first,” Ax agreed.

“You were saying about Cthulu,” Jake said to Marco.

“Yes.  He wants to take over because he’s Cthulu,” Marco glared at Rachel.  “Just because.“

“Actually,” Tobias said, “the original version of Cthulu was kind of like the Silver Surfer of Norse Mythology, and his motivation—”

“He wants to take over because he’s Cthulu.”  Marco took a deep breath.  “Anyway.  Moving on.”

“Okay, you’re here.”  Marco pointed to the G.I. Joe figure sitting in the middle of their somewhat crudely drawn map.  “The goblins are…”  One after another, he set four white pawns from his mom’s chess set around the G.I. Joe that represented Jake, forming a half-circle that separated him from Ax’s Smurf, Cassie’s My Little Pony miniature, and Tobias’s Precious Moments angel figurine.  “Rachel is, uh…”  He set the teddy bear pencil topper several inches back, between two goblin-pawns.  “There.  So.”  Marco looked up at Jake.  “You’re under attack.  You’re up first in initiative order.  What’re you going to do?”

Jake frowned, surveying the scene in front of him.  “I have magic, right?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Okay, so I’ll use magic to turn myself into a bird, and then—”

“Yeah, no.”

“Then I’ll turn my teammates into birds, and they can—”

“You cannot turn yourself into a bird, you cannot turn anyone else into a bird, no one is turning into a bird or any other animal at any point in this game.”  Marco glanced over at Tobias.  “No offense.”

“Oh, I totally agree,” Tobias said.  “A Level One bard performing an animal shapes transmutation?  Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Anyway.”  Marco pointed at Jake’s G.I. Joe figurine.  “Assuming we’re sticking to handheld weapons, what else do you want to do?”

“I… shoot the goblin?” Jake suggested.  “With my…”  He flipped over his character sheet, squinting at his own handwriting.  “With my board-sword.”

“Pretty sure you meant ‘broadsword,’” Rachel said.  “Okay, Jake killed the goblin, now what?”

Cassie peered over Jake’s shoulder.  “It could just be a sword made out of boards, you don’t know.”

“Jake only has thirteen out of sixty odds of killing the goblin on one go,” Marco said.

Tobias flipped open his own manual to the entry on goblins.  “Where are you getting these numbers from?”

Marco selected two dice from the pile, handing them both to Jake.  “Oh, I just figure that if the goblin’s got an armor class of seven and five HP, then Jake’s got a thirteen-in-twenty chance of scoring a hit and then a two-in-six chance of it being deadly, given his hit dice.  So if you reduce twenty-six over one-twenty down it’s thirteen in sixty.  Like, point-two-one-seven out of one.  Simple math.”  He gestured at Jake.  “Roll those.”

“You and I have very different definitions of the word ‘simple.’”  Jake looked up.  “Uh, ten and the other one says four?”

“You grievously injured but did not kill the goblin,” Marco said graciously.  “Now it’s the turn for this leftmost goblin, who is going to run and stick a sword through Rachel…” He rolled, and winced.  “That’s fifteen to hit, and two damage?”

“What’s that mean for my little rogue?”  Rachel waved her pencil topper at him.

“You got stabbed,” Marco said.

“Uh-huh.”  Rachel picked up her pen and sheet.  “Where?”

Marco shrugged.  “The leg, let’s say.  Uh, upper thigh?”

“Mm-hmm.”  She wrote that down.

“Okay, then.”  Marco glanced at his sheet.  “Next in initiative order is—”

“I cast psionic blast as a Level One spell, which would cause additional damage to fiends or the undead.  Are they undead goblins?” Tobias asked.

Marco rolled his eyes.  “Nope.”

“Then they each suffer three points of damage and do not have the opportunity to make saving throws for the next minute and a half,” Tobias said.  “That’s my first spell slot today.”

“Okay.”  Marco tipped over one of the goblin pawns.  “That one’s dead.  Cassie?”

“That one’s threatening Ax?”  She pointed at the pawn within the same square as the Smurf figurine.

“Yep.”

She nodded.  “Then I smash its head in with my mace.”  She rolled.  “Eight to hit, eight damage?”

“Oh yeah, you just annihilated that one.”

“Good, good, so now can I mace the one that attacked Rachel?”

“Cool your jets.”  Marco held up both hands.  “You don’t get to do multiple hulk-smashes in one round until several levels up from here.”

Cassie wilted a little.  “Okay.  But I want to run over next to that one to be ready to mace it soon.”

“All right, center goblin is going to try and swing his big old greatsword at Cassie as an attack of opportunity…” Marco rolled.  “And that’s a miss.  Rachel, you’re up.”

“I’m unconscious,” Rachel said.

Marco gave her a blank look.  “No you’re not.”

“Yes she is,” Ax said.  “You just allowed that goblin— gob-blin? Goo-blin? —to stab her.”

“I did not allow— The dice—”  Marco took a deep breath.  “Rachel, you only took two points of damage.  Go ahead and make a turn.”

“Okay, you clearly said…” Rachel glanced at her own notes.  “That the goblin stuck its sword through my upper thigh.  And apparently these are pretty big swords.  No way in hell that misses the artery, not if I’m only about human-sized at the time.  You also said that the goblin has its sword back, which means it pulled the sword out, which means that by now I have definitely lost enough blood to be unconscious.  It’s just basic logic.”

Marco opened his mouth halfway.  “That’s not how damage functions in this game,” he said at last.

“No, she’s right,” Jake said.  “She wouldn’t necessarily be dead from blood loss by now, but on the super-narrow chance she’s still conscious, she’s not going to have the, like, grip strength to be shooting people with arrows or anything.  That’s just how getting stabbed works.”

“Actually…” Tobias looked up from where he was sorting his flash cards of wizard spells.  “In combat time, each turn is six seconds.  So it hasn’t been five minutes of game-time.  It’s been less than three seconds.”

“So this goblin managed to stick its sword all the way through me, pull it loose, and then get back into position to make a different attack in less than a second?” Rachel said.  “And I don’t need to take a second or two to react to having been stabbed?”

“Yes!” Tobias said.

“This game is not closely aligned with the timing and functions of real combat,” Ax pointed out.

Marco let out a noise somewhere between a sigh and a shriek.  “No shit, Sherlock!  Can we please just play by the rules?”

“I’m just saying it’s not realistic,” Rachel muttered.  “You get run through the leg with a sword, you bleed to death.  That’s how it goes.”

“Would you please shoot someone already?” Marco said.

“If you insist.”

At Level Two, Tobias’s gnome wizard joined the School of Divination for exactly one game.  “He’s rules-lawyering things that haven’t even happened yet,” Marco cried, throwing out his hands like this was the greatest injustice ever visited upon humanity.   At which point Tobias decided that discretion was the better part of valor and switched to the School of Evocation.  Marco’s eye stopped twitching.

“No, no, no.”  Marco leaned over to look at Jake’s roll.  “You add your charisma modifier to your attack roll, and then your strength modifier to your damage roll.”

“So he adds twelve to his roll?”  Cassie looked at her own sheet.  “I add seventeen to my roll?”

“Modifier.  Not the whole stat.  Mod-if-i-er.”  Marco groaned loudly.  “Is Tobias the only one who even tried to read the manual?”

“C’mon, man.”  Jake shrugged, grinning.  “When have you ever known me to do the assigned reading?”

“I have Tobias here to summarize the manual for me,” Rachel pointed out.  “Why bother?”

“I did attempt to read the manual.  Man.  Well.  It was not the most boring human book ever written, but it was very repetitive.”  Ax glanced around at all of them.  “Not to say that all human books are bad, even if they are all repetitive,” he added quickly.  “Take the books of Harry Potter, which are acceptable in addition to being repetitive.”

“‘Acceptable’?”  Tobias shook his head.  “‘Repetitive’?  You, sir, are wounding my entire species — one of my species — Just don’t diss the Potter.”

“There’s no need to call me ‘sir,’ professor,” Ax intoned.

Laughing, Tobias leaned over to bump their shoulders together.  “I take it back.  I love you, Ax-man.  Never change.”

“Anyway,” Cassie said, “we elected Tobias party leader, so he’s the only one who really needs to know how to play, right?”

“‘Elected’ is a pretty strong word for it.  The way I remember it, I was like…”  Marco put on a deeper voice, “‘Who wants to be party leader?’ and Jake yelled ‘NOT IT’ so loud that he probably startled pigeons in the next county over.  And then Tobias was the first one to recover from the shock long enough to volunteer.”

“I didn’t yell it, I said it,” Jake mumbled.  “Said it enthusiastically.”

“And you’re wrong.  We did nose-goes.”  Rachel tapped her own nose to demonstrate.  “Tobias lost.”

Ax’s eyes widened.  “So you and Cassie covering your noses was a primitive selection procedure in the manner of duck-duck-goose?  I thought we were all simply being polite by hiding our hideous human orifices from one another.”

“Anyway,” Tobias said, “as party leader, I’m declaring that we can whine about noses — and bipedalism — at a later time.  For now, let’s play.”

“Ah, yes.”  Ax looked down at the dice, and then back up at Marco.  “Who was attacking whom, again?”

Marco stared around the board, and then back at the dice.  “Like I remember that now!”

It was a small miracle that they all kept showing up after that first week.  Tobias and Marco were the only ones with both the skill and the enthusiasm to be any good at the game.  Cassie and Rachel lacked the necessary motivation: Cassie tended to get lost in long conversations with NPCs and never advanced the plot at all, whereas Rachel was likely to start climbing the walls with impatience after half an hour of sitting still.  Ax and Jake were both reasonably enthusiastic but terrible: Jake paid no attention at all to the math, and Ax paid too much.  They had one set of dice between the six of them, if one was generous and called rolling a d6 twice the same as rolling a d12.  (It wasn’t, but Marco’s and Ax’s attempts to explain this always made everyone else’s eyes glaze over.)

Seriously, though, Marco knew perfectly well why they kept showing up.  And it had nothing to do with everyone getting on board with Tobias’s super-geeky idea.  They’d tried Dungeons and Dragons, and they hadn’t actually started liking it.

It had nothing to do with the storyline.  Or the dice.  Or the characters.  They weren’t here for swords or goblins.  They didn’t drop everything to spend four hours a week in each other’s company because they liked the game.

Duh.

Of course, even their love for each other could be tested, at times, by their sheer incompetence as players.

“We’re still in the undercave?” Jake groaned, looking at the game board.  “We’ve been down here for like six weeks!”

“Yeah, ‘cause we’re stuck.”  Rachel glared around the table.  “Because we keep trying to fight the ooze monster and then almost dying.  Because we suck at this game.”

“Still say there should’ve been illithids,” Tobias muttered.  “We’re in the cave of the illithids, but instead we’ve got apocalyptic ooze where there isn’t supposed to be any.  That’s why we’re stuck.”

Marco sighed into his hands.  “For the last time, man, we’re not having any stupid mind flayers in this game.  There is a way out, I promise you, if you guys would just stop and figure it out.”

“I stab the ooze?” Cassie suggested.

“You take fourteen acid damage and permanently blunt your sword.”  Marco didn’t bother to look up.  “Just like last time.”

“Ugh.”  Cassie wrote down her new HP.  “At least I ruled out repeated stabbing as a way out?”

“Okay, okay.”  Jake stared at the game board, yet again failing to take the this map not to scale memo.  “We can figure this out.  Is it a cave kind of like those caves under Leeran?”

Marco lifted his head, tossing his hair out of his face.  “I got schlooped back to Earth before you guys got to see those, remember?”

“They were very beautiful,” Ax said, “and also full of toxic eels.  So perhaps Prince Jake’s comparison is apt.”

“The real toxic eel is the friends we made along the way.”  Rachel tilted her chair back, picking at her manicure.  “Think we should just call it a day?”

“No, no, Jake’s right.”  Cassie stared at the board.  “I believe in us.”

“It was kinda cool in the Leeran caves, so sorry you missed it,” Jake said to Marco.  “I was dead and missed the Battle of Trafalgar, though, so it all balances out?”

“The Battle of Trafalgar was not cool at all.”  Marco rolled his eyes.  “It was a battle.  It was gross and loud and bloody.  Is no one going to try anything else?”

“I pull out my rope and my flint, I set the rope on fire, we all die of smoke inhalation,” Rachel drawled.  “There, I got us out of the cave.”

“And into the afterlife,” Ax said solemnly.  “If, indeed, this game has an afterlife.  It was designed by humans, so I assume… Soom.  That it must.”

“Look, if we could just fight the mind flayer instead,” Tobias said, “there are clear strategies in place for how to fend off psychic attacks, and even if a few of us end up as mind-witnesses we could still use a handful of different spells—”  He swung his copy of the manual around to face Marco, pointing to a spot low on the open page.  “If you’ll just look at what the book says…”

Marco slammed the book shut, hard.

Tobias had to yank his hand back to avoid smashed fingers.  “Watch it!” he snapped.

“Guys,” Jake said.  “Let’s—”

“Rule.  Zero.”  Marco flattened a hand on top of the closed book.  “I’m the DM here, and I get to say that there are no mind flayers and definitely no mind witnesses, because I say so.  I’m the Ellimist of this little universe, and you don’t get a counter-argument.”

Rachel snorted loudly.  “Bad comparison.  Tobias argues with the real Ellimist all the time.”

“Only when he’s doing something stupid.”  Tobias was looking at Marco, not at her.  “Or breaking the rules of his own game.”

“Tobias…”  Jake inhaled slowly, massaging the bridge of his nose.  “It’s just a game, okay?  Marco… We are kinda stuck, dude, no offense.  Couldn’t we at least try to fight whatever it is Tobias wants, see if that gets us out of here?”

Marco pushed to his feet, face flushed.  “I’m running this game, because you people decided I should.  And I don’t give a fuck how much Bird-Boy complains, this game is not going to involve anyone getting psychically mind-controlled.  It will not feature alien tadpoles that crawl inside people’s brains and take over their bodies.”  He swept a hand across the board.  “There will be no illithids, there will be no brain golems, there will be no controllers—”

Marco snapped his mouth shut.

There was a long silence.  Tobias stared at the floor.

“Mind-witnesses,” Marco said at last.  “I meant mind-witnesses.”

THUNK.

Figurines and dice scattered everywhere.  The play-dough lump of ooze flattened underneath the second game board Cassie had just dropped on top of the first.

“Anyway,” she said, giving everyone an embarrassed smile.  “How about we switch to Monopoly for a while?”

“I call being the little dog piece,” Rachel said, pulling the box open.

“I’m sorry,” Tobias whispered to Marco, as Ax began clattering through the pieces and asking Jake questions.  “I didn’t mean…”

“Yeah.”  Marco pulled the bank toward him and counting out notes.  “Same here, man.  Uh, y’know.  Sorry I…”

“We’re cool.  We’re cool?”

“Yeah.  Yeah.”

“Does this highly successful roll mean I have first chance to stab Income Tax with my—”  Ax squinted at his game piece “—car?  So I’ll be attempting to inflict damage on Income Tax by running it over?”

“Many have tried that strategy,” Rachel intoned.  “None have succeeded so far.”

“You know that your beloved manual lists exactly the same stats for hawks, eagles, and owls, right?” Marco asked, grinning evilly.

“What?  No.”  Tobias frantically flipped toward the back of the book.

“Anyway, is he right?” Cassie asked as Tobias searched.  “Are we all supposed to be dead right now?”

“I’m sure you’ll be fine,” Marco said.  “Yes, the explosion would have done a lot of damage to all of you—”

“Thanks, Jake,” Rachel snarked.

Jake sighed loudly.  “How was I supposed to know you had to throw the hand grenade after you pulled the pin?”

“You mean the part where Ax and Tobias were both yelling ‘toss it, toss it,’ and you were like ‘no, I’m gonna do an investigation check first’?” she said.  “And then we all died?”

“Actually, I believe Cassie was raging at the time when the ceiling fell on us all,” Ax said.  “Therefore, her damage would be halved.”

“Hell yeah!”  Cassie laughed.  “So it’s just…”  She peered at Marco’s roll and winced.  “Everyone else… in the entire party… who automatically failed a death check.  Right, Tobias?”

“No,” Marco said loudly, “because Jake cast Teleportation Circle and got you all out of there before the ceiling fell.”

“But Tobias believes that that would be allowing too many actions on a single turn.  Uurn.  Earn,” Ax said.  “And that Jake wouldn’t have time to set up the circle even if he did have a bonus action left.”

“For fuck’s sake, do you want to end on a total party kill?” Marco demanded.

Rachel smiled sweetly.  “It’s not a TPK if Cassie’s still alive.”

Marco rolled his eyes.  “Oh, in that case—”

“Oh my god, you’re right!”  Tobias sounded outraged.

“Am I dead?”  Rachel pouted.  “Just when this stupid game was starting to grow on me.”

“No, not that.”  Tobias stabbed a finger on the page.  “It says right here.  ‘For hawk, see: eagle.’  It fucking classifies hawks as a fucking subspecies of eagle!”

“What were you just saying about us following the manual at the expense of our lives?” Marco said smugly.

Tobias stared in betrayed horror at the page for another second.  And then he tossed the entire book clear over his shoulder and out of the room.  It clattered loudly in the hall.

“So as I was saying, Jake cast Teleportation Circle,” Marco said.  “And teleported you all out of there.”

“So we’re… not dead?” Cassie asked.

“Given the nature of teleportation, perhaps we are both dead and not, existing in the gap between states,” Ax said.  “Like when our consciousness was trapped in z-space, and yet our matter remained on Earth.  Or we exist in multiple universes at once, some in which we have died and some in which we yet live.”

“Yeah, cool, Schrödinger’s party,” Rachel said.  “Blah, blah.  Anyway, I’m gonna punch Jake in the arm for being a dumbass.  In-game and out-of-game.”

“Good luck with that.”  Marco cackled his evil DM cackle.  “The only universe I care about is the one where the whole lot of you give me an initiative roll.  Because I didn’t say Jake teleported you to a safe location, just a different one.”

[vs-redemption]

who are your favorite top ten black clover characters & ships? talk about them! ~tat!

From Cindy: Hello tat! I hope you are doing well today and thank you for visiting my blog. It was really fun to write this because I got the chance to really think about the characters in depth. I’ll be honest, I’m not much of a shipper so I couldn’t come up with 10. I did my best to think of and write about as many ships and brotps as I could though.

Also, I got your other ask about BNHA as well! I have a Japanese lesson I need to prepare for this evening, but I’ll definitely get that posted tomorrow sometime!! Thanks again!!

This is very long, so I put it under a cut :)

Top Ten Black Clover Characters

Yami Sukehiro

I love everything about this guy. He’s hilarious, number one. Everything he says cracks me up and the nicknames he uses for people are gold. I like that he insults people and makes toilet jokes so casually. He comes off crass, but it’s the fact that he treats everyone equally that makes me respect him so much. He holds everyone, including himself, to the same standards. He doesn’t care about your past, wealth, appearance, gender, unconventional magic abilities or wacky personality. No matter who you are, he will call you out if you’re not acting the way you should, but will also back you up and support you when it’s needed. He’s a great leader because he treats everyone equally and is also very accepting that everyone is different.

Luck Voltia

Luck was one of the first characters I fell in love with. I don’t have a lot deep meaning behind how I feel like I do with Yami though. I just really enjoy his chaotic energy and the fact that he wants to fight people all the time. I also think his magic is super badass. His little lightning boots and gloves are so cute. I just wanna cuddle him and ruffle his hair.

Finral Roulacase

I feel so bad for Finral. This poor love starved boy doesn’t deserve the heaping amounts of anxiety he always seems to be feeling. I know he’s supposed to be the ‘perverted’ character, but compared to characters from other anime (Mineta [BNHA] Meliodas [SDS]) he’s not that bad. He tries so hard to be a gentleman by taking people on dates, complimenting them, giving them flowers, and not physically molesting them lol but they never give him a second glance. I also love his character growth so far. Watching him find self-worth beyond being just a mode of transportation, and confidence enough to stand up to his brother has been really fun to watch. I’m so proud of him and I think he’s amazing!

Zora Ideale

This guy. Haha His blunt honesty is so uncomfortable but hilarious at the same time. Like Yami, he calls people out but is somehow so much more offensive about it. I love how he just gives people unsolicited criticism and then adds injury to insult like “oh by the way, here’s a freaking stink bug in your nostril.” To be fair though, he is just as harsh on himself and will acknowledge (to himself) when he made a mistake. His backstory is also so tragic! It is seriously messed up what happened to his dad, but I love that Zora uses that trauma to try and change the word for the better by being the best magic knight he can be and also encouraging (threatening?) other magic knights to be better too. He could’ve so easily become a villain, but he didn’t and I think that’s really honorable.

Mereoleona Vermillion

Oh my god. I love this woman so much. The fact that she was supposed to be the captain of the Crimson Lions but said “nope” and then just went off by herself to live in the most dangerous places in the wild to get stronger is just phenomenal to me. I also really like that, even though she’s a royal and a member of the Vermillion family, she doesn’t just focus on her own squad. It was great when she showed up at the Black Bulls hide out and straight up kidnapped them to have them join her training. I’m just in awe of both her physical and mental strength. She was so cool when she went up against all those elves by herself. I’m not caught up with the manga, but I think I saw a spoiler about her recently and I’m very excited to find out more about it. I pretty much wish I was Mereoleona. She is my spirit animal.

Charmy Pappitson

There is a lot to adore about Charmy. First and foremost, she is an adorable badass. I love that her passion for food is something she shares with her allies and friends instead of being something that makes her greedy. I feel like Charmy is underrated because her magic is great for restoring mana, defense and offense. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t she one of the highest ranked knights in the black bulls? I also love how she gets away with a lot of shit just because she’s cute. The episodes where she straight up just hops onto the wizard king’s lap and feeds him snacks without anyone batting an eye get me every time!

Vanessa Enoteca

Sometimes I think about how Vanessa was willing to give up her own freedom just to save Asta’s arms, and how she gave up drinking for a few episodes in order to focus on a way to not only make herself stronger for upcoming battles, but the rest of her teammates as well. I like her dedication to the Black Bulls. Her thread magic is also pretty cool and I like the clever ways she’s learned to use it.

Fuegoleon Vermillion

Poor Fuegoleon is so calm and sensible compared to his siblings. I like that he’s a fair leader that makes sure to consider all angles before passing judgement on someone. He is also a dependable captain and full of great wisdom that aids in character development for important characters like Asta and Noelle. I love how he competes with his sister though, and watching them bicker in the episode where they throw a birthday party for that nun lady was silly.

Asta

How can you not like Asta? He has such a big heart and the best self-discipline out of anyone in the show. He would always rather talk things out before resorting to fighting and likes to understand the motivations behind the actions of his enemies. He is unashamed to be himself and continues to pursue his goals even when other people mock him or put him down. I also like that he is more perceptive of how people think or feel than it would seem sometimes.

Sekke Bronzazza

His personality is pretty much the worst (and I think he actually tried to kill Asta after the magic knight exam… asshole) but the way he always manages to fit “ha-ha” into his speech is so funny to me and always cracks me up. And the way everyone calls him the “ha-ha” guy is very amusing to me, especially when he tries and fails to politely correct them. I also love how he always ends up in the most random situations (in Yami’s bathroom or working for the king).

 Top Ten Black Clover Ships/BroTPs

Finral x Vanessa

I guess I just think back to that fight against the Despair guy from the Third Eye because both Finral and Venessa sort of worked together and pushed past their limits for the first time. I think Venessa is also the one that put the green in Finral’s hair, right? I don’t know. Venessa is good for Finral because he’s so insecure and she’s so supportive of other people. They’re cute together.

Yami x Charlotte

I think everyone ships this? lol Charlotte’s independence and personal strength are important to her, and the fact that Yami acknowledges and respects those traits in her makes them a great match. He also constantly encourages her to show her softer side, saying that it’s okay to lean on other people and ask for help. He could help her find balance and be comfortable in her own skin.

Asta x Mimosa

Mimosa is a much better match for Asta than Noelle because Noelle constantly needs validation and attention that she’s just never going to get from Asta. His brain just doesn’t work that way. Mimosa is content with supporting Asta with her magic as best she can, and doesn’t get jealous or competitive in the way Noelle does. Mimosa is soft and gentle which is a nice contrast to Asta’s loud and rough personality.

Yuno x Charmy

I know this is almost like a crack ship, but I can’t help but like it anyway. Like Asta, Yuno isn’t going to be the type of guy to actively pursue a relationship or be overly affectionate. This doesn’t seem to affect Charmy who seems fine with even the most minimal of interaction haha. I think it’s so cute how much she supports and roots for him when she sees him in a fight. And Yuno doesn’t seem to mind her trying to feed him and take care of him either.

Magna x Luck (brotp)

Lucky’s personality is quirky, chaotic, and frankly just difficult to understand, so I think it’s hard for people to get close to him. He comes on so strong with the pranks and desire to fight, plus he doesn’t really know how to hold back. The fact that Magna can endure all that while also seeing Luck as a person on a deeper level than just being some spazzy boy is really wholesome to me. I think it’s good for Luck to have someone who can respect him that way without asking him to change his behavior. I do not think this would work romantically though. Magna is actually pretty sensitive and emotional, and gets pretty upset when Luck is stronger or does better than him in something. It ultimately just drives Magna to work harder, but I think that sort of competition might be bad news in a romantic relationship if he’s always feeling inferior.

Yami x Jack the Ripper (brotp)

I want their friendship! I really do. The way they go from relaxed and having fun to ready to beat each other’s asses is hilarious. And there’s literally no reason for it, they’re just like unnecessarily competitive and I’m living for it. Whether they’re celebrating at a festival, about to have an important meeting with the wizard king, or in the middle of a huge fight with a major bad guy, it doesn’t matter. They will trash talk each other and probably end up brawling. I love it.

Gauche x Grey

The episodes where Gauche had to fight with Gordon and Grey were really cool because those three are probably the oddest oddballs of the Black Bulls. I don’t know if I ship them romantically or just at friends, but the development of the relationship between Gauche and Grey has been interesting and I wouldn’t mind seeing more. Also, please give Gauche something else to obsess over besides his sister lmao

Mars x Fana

I don’t have any strong feelings for them as characters individually, but I like that they fought so hard to protect each other as kids and how they continued to fight for and protect each other after being reunited.

[zen3to5]

I’ve mentioned a few times that Season 6 is the last season I’ve seen all the way through. Back when I was first watching the show, I stopped at 6 mostly due to getting distracted with other things. But I also felt at the time that Season 6 just wasn’t as good as the first five. That’s about as much as I thought about it at the time; there were a handful of episodes I really liked from that season, so I’d watch those now and again, but for the most part, I avoided Season 6 and didn’t think much about it until this rewatch.

...Oh, God.

Season 6 is bad. “If Season 8′s the breaking point for most hardcore fans of this show, how much worse does it have to be?” bad.

I don’t even know where to start with this. How about with some holdovers from Season 5 that have lost all context - Kitty and Red’s personalities and dynamic. Kitty was more emotional in Season 5 and started hitting the bottle? It was motivated there - she started menopause, lost her father, felt empty-nest syndrome full force, and struggled to cope. Now, that erratic behavior’s divorced from nearly any motive (menopause gets mentioned once) and cranked up to eleven, and she becomes an alcoholic with wild mood swings. Red was crankier in Season 5? Motivated - he struggled to help his wife through a difficult time in her life and felt treating Eric harshly was for his own good, something he came around on by the end of the season. Now, though his heart attack could (and does, at times) motivate some of his behavior, he’s just generally more unpleasant and detached from everyone, and much less supportive of his family. Their marriage was complicated in Season 5? Motivated here by their respective issues and the stress of Eric’s engagement. Now, Kitty’s always high-strung and on Red’s case, and he’s always resigned to a strained marriage that he barely puts any work into.

But they don’t come off so bad - so bad - compared to Eric and Donna. I know some fans of the show don’t love that the engagement happened when it did in Season 5, or at all, but I like it. I’ll admit I may have a soft spot for the idea, having two best friends who got engaged in high school, married early in college, and are still going strong a decade later. But I also think, excepting one or two episodes that retread earlier conflicts (something almost impossible to avoid in this kind of sitcom), Eric and Donna come across in Season 5 as a couple ready to step into the future, live their lives, and prepare for married life together, and they put up a united front defending their decisions to their parents.

That resolve and maturity is still there at the very beginning of Season 6, but it slips away quickly, and by the end, their whole dynamic is just awful. The established relationship is swapped out for a lazy comedy cliche - the woman is a stiff nag who withholds sex and is always pushing over menial domestic crap but is always right because...well, because, and the man is a henpecked, horny moron who’s always doing stupid wacky crap and making a mess of everything but gets forgiven all the time because...well, because. And then to have a couple who are well-established - and even say so, in the show, as talking about everything - end up at a place where one buys a mobile home without asking the other, one walks out on their wedding without telling the other why until it’s too late, and the catalyst for breaking off their marriage - Donna suddenly wanting to stay in Point Place, which is justified by her claiming that seeing the world was her plan “when she was single” when she and Eric were still planning just this season to move, and Eric making a decision to “save” Donna from “ruining” her life - makes absolutely no sense.

As an individual character, Eric is completely derailed this season. Season 5 may have started emphasizing his nerdiness compared to earlier seasons, but only so much; Season 4 had started down that path, after all, and Eric’s still Eric in Season 5, with a good range of stories all tied in to his relationships with Donna and his family. But after his decision to stay at home and care for his family - something very much in line with his established character - he starts sliding more than any other individual character. The exaggerated nerdiness, the exaggerated horniness, the exaggerated idiocy and cowardice - all that would be bad enough, but this season also decides in the back half to push the idea that Eric is the loser of his friends group. Never mind all the established history, all the established character dynamics and comedy set-ups, never mind that his house is where they all gather - he’s such a pathetic dork at this point that Donna can’t name a reason she’s excited for their marriage, and Hyde openly remarks how hard it’s getting to be friends with his de facto stepbrother.  Donna is comparatively better off, but only because her personality is more ignored than replaced; she just becomes “the woman,” a lazy sitcom cliche. (To be fair, her individual goals and quirks were largely ignored in Season 5 too, but in a much better season, that becomes more of a mild disappointment than another on a list of grievances.)

Fez’s voyeurism and “needs” were both longstanding aspects of his character by this point, but he just becomes gross in this season. If he’s not a skeevy perv who seems to genuinely believe that his friends are in open relationships that would someday see him doing it with Donna and Jackie, he’s a high-maintenance brat with no self-awareness of how much he’s pissing people off. He isn’t like this all the time, mind you, but it comes up often enough - usually in episodes that feature him in a storyline - to really damage his character. If I’m even tempted to side with Red and the INS, something’s wrong with the writing. His and Laurie’s wedding being forgotten about is annoying, but the show has such a bad track record with resolving Laurie’s material that I don’t care anymore. The new actress for Laurie does well enough, and I don’t mind that there was no romance between her and Fez, but it’s just a dud of a subplot.

Kelso comes off fairly well, all things considered. His idiocy and antics are toned down a little, and his impending fatherhood does bring out some maturity in his relationship with Brooke. I can’t say I’m sorry that Brooke didn’t get more to do, as I don’t find her terribly interesting, but as a straight woman to Kelso, she’s fine. Kelso’s relationship with Fez going full bromance is the more entertaining development for me. That’s a cliche too, but one that actually uses the characters’ personalities in this case, and the performers have great chemistry. Kelso and Fez had been paired in a few different contexts throughout the series, but this is one of the funniest. (The episodes devoted to that also have Suzy Simpson, the only recurring guest role I actually like this season.)

Then there’s Jackie and Hyde. Their reconciliation at the beginning of the season is sloppy and hard to square with what broke them up in the first place, but once they are back together, they’re the solid, stable couple of the show’s romances, and they get a few nice B-plots as a couple. They don’t really get anything as individuals (not even Jackie - more on that in a second.) So, no harm, but no growth.

This season has a few recurring guest stars, and as I already said, I only like one of them. Casey Kelso returning, and being accepted as a source of worldly wisdom by Donna of all people, makes no sense. Mitch made for a decent antagonist duo with his dad for Eric and Red in one episode in Season 5, and his brief return as a foil for Fez was all right. Here, he’s just a chore to watch. He’s a total creep, that Donna can’t see he’s a creep is ridiculous, and the episodes with him somehow seem more interested in making Eric out to be a loser than in Mitch’s rotten behavior.

And then...there’s Pam.

Pam Burkhart is barely a character. She’s most of Jackie’s more superficial traits as remembered by someone whose roommate watched T7S in college. And that means I really don’t have much to say about her, good or bad, on her own. The fact that she’s so thinly drawn isn’t an automatic flaw - as a short-lived supporting cast member, all she needs is enough of a dynamic with the main cast to give them interesting and fun material and development.

But she doesn’t do that. In the very first episode where she appears, what looks to be an ongoing story about Jackie confronting her mother derails into Bob dating Pam and the girls not liking it. A few lackluster attempts to break them up fail in the next episode, and then the relationship is just kind of...there. The girls don’t like it (not always for consistent reasons), but they’re ineffectual at doing anything about it. We don’t learn anything new about Jackie or get any new development for her. We don’t learn anything new or get any development for Bob, who’s in the relationship. All we get is one “joke,” used over and over again, that every man in the cast finds Pam hot. Something I’ve never understood about this show, even when they used the same bit with Midge, but at least it was much less prominent then. Here, it’s in every episode where Pam shows up, eats up so much damn screentime, and turns up in characters like Red and Hyde, who it doesn’t make any sense for.

Pam’s entrance is where the season goes completely off the rails, though not just because of her - other things start to go very wrong about that time. Top it off with a stupid way to end the marriage storyline, a ridiculous next-season-bait reveal about Hyde (more on that once I see what became of it in Season 7), and Midge turning up without the business about Bob and Pam getting any kind of finish, and it’s a miracle that Eric and Donna’s reconciling has any impact at all.

I don’t want to make it sound as if I took nothing from this season. It has great scenes, good episodes, and decent concepts, most of them in the front half. But it is just a train wreck at the end. I’m still planning to press ahead and finally go through Season 7, but...wow.

[inikavulpixelreviews]

Let’s Talk About Pokemon - The Galarian Zigzagoon Family

Galarian Zigzagoon:

...On a much brighter note, Zigzagoon! It was pleasant to see this thing when it was first revealed simply because it confirmed regional variants weren't going to be limited to Gen 1 anymore. Thank goodness too, that felt like an unnecessary crutch even back in Alola.

And Galarian Zigzagoon is a bit like Alolan Rattata. Changing very little of the design in favor of just being a recolor and adding a Dark typing while they're at it. But I feel like that's made up for with the change in coloration being super striking. This pure black and white Zigzagoon looks REALLY cool just on its own, even better with the star pattern on its eyes PLUS the bright red eye works well for giving some more visual flare to it.

But what it lacks in visual differences it definitely makes up for in overall attitude. While regular Zigzagoons are more mellowed out but still troublemakers, their Galarian variants are just downright rude and crass. They go out of their way to make people upset on purpose and exhibit physical behaviors like headbanging and standing on two legs a lot more often. All the while sticking its tongue out.

This entire line easily takes its inspiration from the punk craze. Appreciation for loud music and abrasive behavior characterizes both punks and Galarian Zigzagoon. The whole punk craze is all about youth taking charge and upsetting problematic social norms. And punk is often thought to have originated from the UK, so Galarian Zigzagoon here still fits even if some of its other inspirations are a bit more American.

As most people have pointed out, this entire line wears its inspirations from the band KISS on its sleeve. Zigzagoon here is VERY glam metal with its black and white coloration and strikingly spiky design paralleling the makeup style popular within the subgenre. And while there are arguments over where exactly the craze came from, glam metal and punk rock is thought to have originated from the British youth scene in the 70s and 80s.

Galarian Linoone:

And while I still don't like this Linoone as much as I like its Ziggy counterpart, talk about a face lift. I can't say I like the original Linoone much. It's just on the plain side even compared to normal Zigzagoon's adorably aggressive charm. Its GALAR counterpart though has taken a wild personality shift to fit in with the glam metal aesthetic of this line. I love how Linoone's straight-line features present in its original design is combined with the glam metal-ness to have cool shooting stars running down its body. Aww!

It's even picked up some wristbands. A common accessory among punks to wear overly spiky bracelets and the like. And of course, it's rocking the tongue thing popularized by KISS's Gene Simmons.

It's also got a bit of a two-birds-with-one-stone sort of thing going on here. Not only do we have a Galarian variant for Linoone, but it's also doubling as a representative for a black and white badger. Which is, as you guessed it, native to the UK.

862: Obstagoon

Obstagoon on the other hand takes all the glam metal themes and ramps them up to 11. With even MORE wacky “makeup” and more spiky arm and leg bracers. It even has friggin pauldrons and a full blown leather jacket now. Sweet! It's also even more badgery now more than ever with claws and everything.

Obstagoon's whole thing is right there in the name, to obstruct or be an obstacle. It's a cool way to tie in with Zigzagoon's whole theme. One runs in Zigzags, the other runs in straight lines, and now this one in its ultimate form prevents OTHER things from moving forward, hah.

As you'd guess, this still ties in with its punk origins. In particular, punk protest behavior in obstructing normal services such as public transit. Obstagoon itself almost never attacks first, rather it prefers to counterattack. It even comes with its own variant on Protect, called Obstruct. It works just like Protect, but if you make contact with it, it'll lower your Defense by two stages. Pretty mean!

Obstagoon itself is pretty wicked looking. I'm admittedly kind of a sucker for the glam metal/KISS aesthetic of aggressively black and white shapes presented as ridiculously glamorous. In fact, I'm surprised it wasn't something on my wishlist. I guess I could just jot it down as something I didn't know I wanted in a Pokemon so bad.

Personal Score: 8.5/10

[Archive]

[ladyloveandjustice]

Fall 2018 Anime Overview: Zombieland Saga

Sakura Minamoto wakes up in a creepy old mansion one day to find out she’s a zombie with no memory of her past life. What’s more, a mysterious and obnoxious man has gathered her and a bunch of other zombie girls because he wants them to become pop idols who will revitalize the Saga prefecture. 

Zombieland Saga lets you know right out the gate it’s all about the unexpected, when it interrupts the typical “cute clumsy girl following her dreams” anime schtick with a (literally) heart-stopping surprise. It’s a show that celebrates the unusual and features some of the most loveable and charming characters of 2018.

ZS sort of straddles the line between being an affectionate parody of idol shows and a quirky celebration, but whatever its goes for, it’s always an entertaining, wacky romp. The first episode sees this gang of zombie girls doing a heavy metal concert, the second features a rap battle and the fifth episode involves the girls running around in ungainly chicken costumes. ZS also fully plays up the body-horror-comedy potential of its zombie cast- expect to see some eyeballs flying. It’s wild, weird and colorful.

But wacky hijinks aren’t enough to carry a show, it has to have character and heart behind it, and this show fortunately has plenty of that. I love this gang of misfit girls. The zombie idol group Franchouchou includes a former child star, 19th century courtesan, biker gang leader and one shambling classic non-verbal zombie who remains shrouded in mystery, on top of idols from different eras and what not. Needless to say, it’s a cast from far more varied backgrounds than most idol shows and they all have a fun dynamic.

Saki was definitely a big fave, because I absolutely adore aggressive delinquent girls and the show clearly does too, glorying in her tough girl ridiculousness. Her focus episode, rather than fully condemning her delinquent lifestyle, celebrates her individuality. Though one of her friends is happy leaving delinquency behind settling down to what she calls a “normal” family life, Saki’s response is “what even is normal? I don’t think I’ll ever get it.” She attracts biker girls to the audience and gives a performance where all the girls join in on her sukeban style. The message is clear- Saki is happy living an unconventional life and she’s not going tone down her vulgar attitude as an idol either, in fact, she’ll flaunt it. 

And happily, the show really puts its money where its mouth is in showing an idol group that accepts all. If you’re big into the anime community, odds are you’ve heard that one of these girls is revealed to be trans. It’s handled better than most would expect from a comedy anime- the girl is a full rounded, realized character, she comes out and reveals her past on her own terms and the other girls ultimately accept her and support her, saying they won’t treat her any differently.

 Which isn’t to say its unassailably perfect by any means- the depiction of her dysphoria might be considered too slap-stick-y, she’s thrilled with being a zombie because she was concerned about her body changing which ignores that there are medical options for that way preferable to y’know, dying young (still, nice she found an upside to her situation), the girls are obnoxious about it when they first find out, with one even going into a laughing fit about the “manliness” of her dead name, though they are at least called out and settle down about it- but all in all, its a sympathetic portrayal and just presented as being a new facet of an already great character, and that’s sadly rare to see in anime and media overall with trans characters.

The show could have focused solely on teamwork and cooperation like a lot of its type, but I think the fact it puts a lot of emphasis on individuality and people from all walks of life coming together is what allowed me to click with it a little more than I have with other shows in the genre. This is reflected in Franchouchou’s fans- because the girls are so versatile, they end up with an audience that included death-metal-heads, the elderly, pre-teen girl gangsters and so on. As one of them puts it “More weirdos! That’s what Franchouchou’s all about!”

The show’’s got more going on than that too. There’s some gentle jabs and examination regarding the business side of the idol industry- two of the zombie are former pro-idols from different eras, and clash over how the business has changed in with how it involves the fans over the years, which is an interesting aspect to see. There’s some faint zingers thrown in occasionally too, like a flippant comment that at least as zombies they can’t die from overwork, and stuff about staying “in-character”. It’s nothing too challenging, and is ultimately the show is very glowing about idols overall, but it’s at least interesting to see these things acknowledged. There’s also stirrings of a larger plot starting to unfold with hints about how the girls may have become zombies, reporters noticing fishy things and mysteries abounding. It makes me look forward to seeing where the show goes- anything could happen, honestly.

Though I do admit there are some faults. The girls’ manager, Kotaro, was always a bit of a sticky element in the show because he’s a raging asshole who has gathered all these young girls to do his bidding, without giving them any info about what’s going on or how they ended up here. I was okay with it because the girls basically always snapped back at him, treated him as the shady weirdo he is, didn’t have any regard for his orders and did what they wanted, and even beat the shit out him when he went too far. It IS really weird they don’t demand more answers from him, instead just accepting the status quo, and the whole thing kinda falls apart if you think too hard about it, but, you can roll with it.

What I can’t roll with is how Kotaro just kind of makes the transition from horribly obnoxious shady person no one trusts to quirky-mentor-who-is-extra-but-means-well without really earning it. He’s still keeping the girls in the dark, he’s still a jerk, he’s done nothing to clarify or make up for his earlier behavior, but the show seems to expect me to accept him as a benign cryptic ally after a few pep talks and it uh, doesn’t really work for me. 

And then there’s the final episodes, which revealed something potentially very concerning. Major spoiler territory here for a bit, so watch out.

I did find the last arc, which focuses on Sakura’s angst over her memories of her past life and wanting to quit the group, a bit predictable and “meh”, though it wasn’t bad by any means. I was probably a little disappointed because there were other characters who hadn’t been explored at all  who I really wanted to see more of, but the show’s almost certainly getting a second season, so I should be patient, I guess.

Our first hint of Kotaro’s backstory is given in these final eps and it’s...a little troubling. It could go in some bad directions, some of which would have to potential to break the show. It turns out he was a classmate of Sakura’s when she was alive, and he’s kept this from her, which makes the dynamic between them even more screwed up. Especially since Sakura had been agonizing about not remembering for so long while he said nothing, and clearly doesn’t remember him even now. Why did he bring her back from the dead? If it turns out he had a crush on her when they were kids and WORSE, if we find out that crush persists even now that she’s still a teenage zombie and he’s an adult and this is framed as okay- yeah, that would be a reason to drop the show for sure. 

I’m hoping it doesn’t go there. ZS is all about playing around with expectations after all- the first episode already took a piss on the idea of a romance by having Kotaro get all up in her face and seem like he was talking seductively and giving her the doki dokis...only to show she was actually just freaked out this weirdo had fried squid in his pocket. (And later it’s shown throughout the show Kotaro does his up-close-and-personal thing with anyone, regardless of age or gender, so presumably he doesn’t mean it romantically and it’s just how he is.)

But still, Sakura being the one of the girls most willing to go along with Kotaro’s bullshit and accept his orders makes this revelation even more troubling, the power dynamic between them is BADLY unbalanced and Sakura is in a very vulnerable position.

I AM intrigued how the hell Kotaro went from “apparently regular high school student” to “weirdo who knows how to raise the dead” and what his connection to the other characters are (especially the mysterious man in the bar), so provided they DON’T go a super creepy direction with it and he IS called out properly for his deception it could be a really interesting plotline. So, we’ll see I guess.

spoilers over

Overall, Zombieland Saga wasn’t a perfect show, but it was a fun time with fun characters, and that’s exactly what it set out to be. The show’s also mercifully light on fanservice and other nonsense, which is a plus. If you like zombies, hijinks, friendship, zany comedy and awesome girls, this is definitely worth a look.

[wircss]

Task 009 // TV Tropes

Attention Deficit.... Ooh, Shiny!

In media, the symptoms of attention deficit disorders tend to be exaggerated to the point of absurdity. Sufferers seem to be on a constant caffeine high. They are unable to maintain focus on anything for more than a few minutes before getting distracted by a shiny object, hence the trope title.

In reality, ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) consists of a whole set of symptoms, some good and some bad. For example, one person with ADHD might be very social and loves talking to different people, gets excited about discovering new things, and sometimes loses track of what's happening around them; and another might be reclusive and shy and unable to perform well in a controlled setting, but really opens up with a close friend or when talking about something that interests them.

Cloudcuckoolander

90% of the time, you think the character is just plain nuts, but 10% of the time, you suspect that the character is in fact the Only Sane Man on the show. In other words, a Cloudcuckoolander has massive knowledge and understanding of the workings of the universe, but a poor way of communicating that to everyone else. Unfortunately, when they are smart, nobody else is, and when they are not, everybody else is. In any event, they can be oddly endearing.

Another notable mark is that often there is nothing actually wrong with what they do, but it is most assuredly not something a normal person would do. Sit down with a Cloudcuckoolander and try to explain to them that normal people don't wear the clothes of a dead man. They will never understand what your problem is. It's not like the dead guy cares, is it?

Manic Pixie Dream Girl

@glitterrosseau

Let's say you're a soulful, brooding male hero, living a sheltered, emotionless existence. If only someone could come along and open your heart to the great, wondrous adventure of life...

Have no fear, the Manic Pixie Dream Girl is here to give new meaning to the male hero's life! She's stunningly attractive, energetic, high on life, full of wacky quirks and idiosyncrasies (generally including childlike playfulness), often with a touch of wild hair dye. She's inexplicably obsessed with our stuffed-shirt hero, on whom she will focus her kuh-razy antics until he learns to live freely and love madly.

Quirky Curls

Where ringlets are large, sleek coils that look like they were made with a huge curling iron, Quirky Curls tend to be rendered as zig-zagging kinks which stick out all over the place, much tighter than their more elegant counterpart and are prone to frizzing.

This type of curly hair, especially in girls, represents non-conformity or high energy. These characters are the type to march to the beat of their own drum, sometimes on purpose, other times because they simply feel they don't fit in. They may be quirky and fun, rebelling against expectations, or just eccentric or different. There also seems to be a correlation with this type of hair and being nerdy or intelligent.

Trauma Button

This is when someone suddenly suffers from the onset of repressed traumatic memories because of some trigger, such as another character unknowingly saying or doing something related to the memories. This typically results in the traumatized individual getting extremely anxious, and may even lead to them breaking down in tears or engaging in sudden violent behavior.

[clydesdonovan]

Butters!

jeez these are all so long so again I’m gonna stick em under the cut fksjdkf

Why I like them: I feel like it’s hard to NOT like Butters tbh. He’s such an adorable little sweetheart. I know there’s always been times where he’s not a sweetheart lol but overall? He usually is. He has some killer one liners and his subplots are always either funny, or cute, or both. I’m happy he became a more central character as the seasons went on and now I can’t imagine the show without him being a +1 to the main four.

Why I don’t: he can be pretty terrible sometimes and I’m not a big fan of that :( he always had his moments and he was never an angel or anything. But I feel like, back in the day, his good qualities outweighed the bad, and the “bad” were honestly just normal schoolyard bully behavior. Current Butters is a whole other level and I just find him a little too mean and gross and unlikable at times.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): honestly Butters has so many good episodes… “marjorine”, “raisins”, “cartman sucks”, “the ungroundable”, professor chaos”, “super fun time”, “going native”, “the Simpsons already did it”, “a boy and a priest”. So many. My top two are definitely “marjorine” and “cartman sucks” though!

Favorite season/movie: I’d have to say season six I think!! It’s one of the first seasons that heavily focuses on him iirc, and we get to learn a lot about him as it progresses. It also has the birth of Professor Chaos and starts to develop Butters beyond a one-off, one dimensional character.

Favorite line: his entire speech at the end of “Cartman Sucks” for sure!!

Favorite outfit: I looove the pink sparkly vest he wore when he was tap dancing! iirc he wore it (or something similar) at the talent show too. I also honestly love his Professor Chaos costume, it’s adorable. Vamp Butters is also iconic!

OTP: bunny!!! I love them.

Brotp: honestly Butters and Cartman fksjdk their friendship is so wacky and troublesome but it’s really funny. Episodes that center around them usually are very good and entertaining and they’re just absolutely wild together

Head Canon: Butters is amazingggg at art. He can draw, he can paint, he can sculpt, he can create things out of paper cutouts (I’m not sure if there’s a term for that?). He’s always doodling here and there but he’s one of those people whose “doodles” are beautiful sketches with colors and shading and everything. Painting is his favorite art form though! He paints all the time.

Unpopular opinion: I wouldn’t call this unpopular I don’t think?? But I prefer the older, sweeter characterization of Butters. He’s become something of a fan favorite with his newer personality, and I do like that he takes less shit and he stands up for himself more often. But I miss when he was the most childlike of the kids, and he was friendly more than not, and he still held a naive wonder about the world. He was a really sweet kid and I just prefer him that way than now. Modern Butters can be too much sometimes :/

A wish: this isn’t gonna happen but I’m still holding out hope for a Victor Zsasaz thing with future Butters fkskdkf

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: hmm I think he’s pretty safe from most bad things since he’s such an integral character. However I would like it if he didn’t keep down this path of becoming like… Cartman 2.0 that he’s kinda been on lately. One Cartman is more than enough

5 words to best describe them: sweet, creative, friendly, sensitive and radiant :^)

My nickname for them: I don’t have one I don’t think? but I mean Butters in itself is a nickname 👀

[entergamingxp]

A Blessing in Disguise Review — Always Trust the Pizza, Zach

July 8, 2020 9:00 AM EST

Deadly Premonition 2 marks the return of Francis York Morgan and his brand of weirdness. He can also skateboard now. It’s rad.

To call the first Deadly Premonition a cult classic feels like a bit of an understatement. Swery65 and the team at Access Games created one of the most intriguing, yet technically terrible games in recent memory. In 2010, the game felt like a modern-era version of Shenmue’s “gameplay” mixed with an oddball murder mystery like Twin Peaks.

Fans of the original release will be happy to know that the trademark weirdness is still alive and well in 2020. In fact, this prequel/sequel, Deadly Premonition 2: A Blessing in Disguise, feels like it was entirely designed back in 2010, and then Swery just held onto it for 10 years.

As such, this makes it a very difficult game to give you a clean-cut review score. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if several people just read the score and skip my text in their haste to take to the comments section to complain. Your enjoyment of Deadly Premonition 2 mostly comes down to what you value most in your video games.

In short, if you like wacky casts and a harebrained plot that barely makes sense, Deadly Premonition is probably worth a try. However, if you need your games to play at a consistent framerate or want precise control over your actions, maybe look elsewhere.

That dichotomy between two thoughts of game design is represented in nearly every aspect of Deadly Premonition 2. It might be tough to fully explain all of my thoughts on my favorite game outside of NieR: Automata or the Yakuza series over the last half-decade while also feeling hard-pressed to call it good. That said, I’ll do my best while going into some spoilers, so fair warning.

“York is, perhaps, my favorite protagonist in gaming history.”

Let’s start with the most important aspect of Deadly Premonition 2, which is the characters. This cast of misfits is often hilarious, always compelling, and sometimes full of more emotion than you previously thought possible. Obviously, the star of the show is Francis York Morgan and his alter ego, Zach. York is, perhaps, my favorite protagonist in gaming history. His encyclopedic knowledge of B-movies and his willingness to explore anything in the search of truth make him the kind of guy you’d love to have on your side.

At times, he might seem to not really understand normal humans, but then you realize that he’s just on another plane from the rest of us. Sure, he refuses to call Arnold Schwarzenegger anything but Arnold S. And, I’ll grant you that mentally hopping out of conversations to talk to what some would call an imaginary friend is probably not the best way to handle an investigation, but York is always there to surprise you with his deep understanding of how people work. He’s able to assess situations in ways that other characters can’t because his worldview is so different from the norm.

York isn’t the only character worth talking about. There’s David, whose four separate personalities fulfill the roles of your hotel’s chef, concierge, bellboy, and owner. There’s also Mrs. Carpenter, the bowling granny. Or maybe, like me, you love the always-cursing crawdaddy farmer Chuck. The man might have a short temper, but when he goes off on you in his heavy Louisanna accent, it’s a thing of beauty. You haven’t seen a better putdown wordsmith in video games.

And, it would be a mistake to not also talk about York’s young assistant, Patti. As a foil to York’s oddball behavior, Patti is sublime. She refuses to put up with his crap and even takes a few Jim from The Office-like moments to look at the camera, asking “is this guy for real?” with her blue eyes.

Unfortunately, while all the characters in the game are memorable (yes, even you, The Mirror), when you actually start playing the game, it all starts to fall apart.

I’m no frame rate expert. Frankly, as long as it’s consistent, I don’t really care for most games. That said, calling Deadly Premonition 2’s framerate smooth is like calling games with randomized loot boxes a fun form of “surprise mechanics.” It’s just an outright lie.

In the main overworld, the game chugs like a stay-at-home mom whose son just dropped out of college and has taken up binge-drinking boxed wine. I can make that joke because I dropped out for a year before going back to finish. Except, I was the one drinking, not my mom.

“As a foil to York’s oddball behavior, Patti is sublime.”

Anyways, don’t expect technical brilliance. Even expecting technical competency is a big ask. But, does any of that matter when you can skate around the beautiful town of Le Carre in 15fps or less?

The answer is absolutely not. See, Deadly Premonition 2 might not understand what framerate is, but it does understand fun. And, to that end, Swery and his team have replaced the boring driving from the original game with skateboarding.

That’s right, friends. York’s rented hybrid card was stolen during his trip to Le Carre and, in its place, he’s become a true “Sk8er Boi.” At first, all he can do is ride around, but, once you meet your very own Mr. Miyagi in Emma, you’ll quickly learn the “FORBIDDEN ARTS” of skateboarding. Basically, you’re going to become an impossible-landing machine. It’s super rad.

At least, it (and the rest of the game with it) is as long as it’s working. We talked about Deadly Premonition 2’s frame rate, but that was only the tip of the iceberg. Expect to run into several bugs. The game only hard crashed on me once, but, like a jealous former lover, it teased me all the time. Load times in Deadly Premonition 2 are apparently something the game thinks you should savor.

They’re incredibly long and sometimes you’re just looking at a black screen for 10 minutes wondering if you Switch exploded on the inside from running this Xbox 360-looking game. Additionally, I also ran into several soft locks during my playthrough. Basically, what happens is randomly your buttons stop working. You can’t shoot bad guys. You can’t run. Heck, you can’t even skate. Truly, it’s the worst timeline.

That first problem will really hurt you, though. If you can’t shoot, you can’t fight off bad guys in the game’s dungeons. This means you have no choice except to load back to a checkpoint.

Speaking of the dungeon, imagine you’re playing a Persona game. The only difference is that, in place of deep rock-paper-scissors RPG combat, you’re shooting enemies in the face. The best you can say about it is that it’s so easy, you barely have to think about it.

Seriously, I don’t think I used a health pack until the last boss. At the end of the game, I had well over 100 healing items, and it wasn’t because I was being stingy. Personally, I didn’t really mind. The story and characters were the reason to play. However, if you’re looking for good gameplay, this ain’t it.

“Like a good book, the story is a page-turner.”

Deadly Premonition 2’s often bonkers story is full of heart. If you asked me to tell you exactly what happens, I’d be hard-pressed to tell you. However, what I will say is that I was glued to the TV throughout the game.  Like a good book, the story is a page-turner. I’m just not completely sure if the total tale makes sense or not.

To me, it’s an exploration of a man who lost everything and is trying to get it back. It’s also about a man who is willing to follow any possibility in his search for the truth. And lastly, it’s about RED TREES. I’m sure that last line means something to a small number of you.

But, while the main story is a bit of a wild one, I can say one thing with absolute certainty; In his time in Le Carre, York has developed an obsession with bridges. I know this because he’s told me that somewhere in the neighborhood of 150 times.

See, while the cutscenes are mostly great, York only has 15-20 stories that he tells while you’re exploring the town. And he’s going to tell them to you over and over again. If you wanted to hear York wax poetically about Charles Bronson’s name, you’re in luck. He’ll be doing that a lot.

Deadly Premonition 2 is a test of how much crap you can put up with for one of my favorite experiences in this generation of video games. It’s like if a chef brought you the finest crab in the world, but to eat it you have to crack open the shells with your toes while getting mud thrown at your face and being forced to listen to your least favorite song play over-and-over again. At some point, you have to ask yourself, is the crab really worth it?

For me, the answer is a resounding yes. I don’t know if Deadly Premonition 2 will end the year ranked as the best game of 2020 in the annals of DualShockers’ history, but it will probably be my favorite one.

“Deadly Premonition 2 just wants to tell its story, tell it well, and be its own weird, little self.”

The game actually provides one of the best analogies I think of to describe itself. York is a student of cinema. He can tell you the director and year of release for almost any film in existence. However, he’s never heard of E.T., a seminal movie in film history.

Only crazy people and children haven’t heard of E.T. You might not like it, but you’ve heard of it. You probably know the story. You’ve certainly heard about him phoning home. But York hasn’t. He’s too focused on Scatman Crothers’ performance in The Shining to pay attention to that popcorn movie. He doesn’t have time for your summer blockbusters.

Imagine a man who not only hasn’t seen a Marvel movie in 2020, but hasn’t even heard of them. That’s York. He’d see a poster for The Avengers and be like, “This masked man in red, white, and blue tights reminds me of Simon Wincer’s 1996 film The Phantom starring Billy Zane and Kristy Swanson.” And then you’d have to hear him talk about it lovingly for five minutes, while some great smooth jazz plays in the background. Did I mention the music rules? But, like every other aspect of Deadly Premonition 2, that has to come with a caveat. Because, just like the first game, the audio mixing is all over the place.

Anyways, Deadly Premonition 2 is exactly the same. It’s a game that feels like it has never played any games released after the original. It doesn’t care about frame rate or good controls. It’s made a few changes to the overall formula but mostly casts aside the advances game design has made in the last ten years. Deadly Premonition 2 just wants to tell its story, tell it well, and be its own weird, little self. Your ability to either live with that or not will determine how deeply you fall in love with the citizens of Le Carre.

July 8, 2020 9:00 AM EST

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/07/a-blessing-in-disguise-review-always-trust-the-pizza-zach/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=a-blessing-in-disguise-review-always-trust-the-pizza-zach

[intpatypical]

ISTJ, INFP, ESTJ, INFJ, ENFP

ISTJ

The main ISTJ characters in my life are my mom and an ex friend from high school, plus some colleagues and acquaintances from university. I’m a regular reader of @ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is, but I don’t know her personally. As it happens with most strong Te-users, I get along better with them if they are women. Since I grew up with a Si-dom mother and our relationship is very good, I usually get along with Si-doms unless they are particularly immature. We tend to like the same kind of environment and share a common approach to the use of resources; I never get exhausted with Si-doms, if that makes sense.

As first impressions go, the ISTJs I know irl are very nice and proper people, probably a little blunt, literal and to the point; they’re typically well-mannered people who err on the side of honesty.

Positives I associate with ISTJs are: 1) They’re extremely realistic. If you want an accurate assessment of what’s happening, you should go to them. They are keen observers, they amass a huge amount of details for the sake of it while other people are skimming, and they don’t get lost in speculations, what-ifs and wishful thinking. If you want “just the facts”, they have all of them. As a high Ne user, sometimes I miss parts of what’s happening because I drift away mentally, and I have trouble separating facts from hypotheses, which results in anxiety and indecision. Consulting ISTJs helps me thinking better. 2) They’re materialistic in a good way. They know how to live life comfortably, and they have a healthy relationship with things, money and the body, unlike other people who ignore them or make them something abstract, like status-symbols or outlets for frustrations or sources of fear. 3) They know how to make things live long and prosper. Whatever they take up, it develops and leaves a legacy, though they often don’t realize this because they’re improvement junkies and critical of themselves and other people. As my sister said once, “ISTJs will outlive us all, with their relentless pedantry” lol.

Some negatives are: 1) Immature ISTJs can be conformists. They take anything different from the norm as a narcissistic statement and a failure to adapt, which I find unfair. 2) Sometimes ISTJs get stuck in routine and hinder their own development as people, gradually becoming bitter and depressed. While other people would notice they’re in a rut and try anything new to break the cycle, ISTJs have a harder time noticing when their bad mood is due to a lack of stimuli. Their boredom safety valve is broken, so to speak. 3) Under stress, they become worrywarts and fall prey of Dark Ne; their Dark Ne interacts with my Dark Ne and soon we all disappear in a gaping abyss of doom.

Strange as it seems given the stereotypes, I like going out and having fun with ISTJs and Si-doms in general, because they tend to go for the comfortable option rather than for the extreme one; this is not to say that they can’t dance the night away (they can be relentless in that, too) but my experience is that when you go out with Si-doms you’re likely to have a relaxing time rather than a wild night out. I’m a couch potato, so I appreciate this.

INFP

I’m pretty sure one of my school friends is INFP, and my sister’s boyfriend is textbook INFP. I’ve met several INFPs online; among the ones I follow on tumblr, there are @dragonflymage and @infpadvice.There aren’t many INFPs in my life, but the ones who are, I know them quite well. I often say INFPs come into two subtypes: the Sturm und Drang subtype and the Flowers and Butterflies subtype. I tend to get along better with the Sturm und Drang INFPs, though the general opinion online seems to be they are insufferable crybabies. Many of the stereotypes about INFPs are unfair and it’s safe to say it’s one of my “favorite” types to interact with irl, since their idealistic worldview is something I respect and value and they tend to be people with a lot of interests and an openminded, accepting attitude.

My first impression of the INFPs I met irl has been “airhead” (which is quite hypocritical coming from me, but still… I feel like Fi airhead is an upgraded version of Ti airhead) or even “attention whore” because my INFP friend happened to throw an epic emotional tantrum a few days after I met her and, being a very young Ti-dom, at the time I assumed tantrums were always contrived and attention-seeking (which, as I know now, is not always the case).

Positives I associate with INFPs: 1) They are always, sometimes doggedly, themselves. No matter what you throw at them, if they feel like something is not authentic to what they are or worse immoral, they can’t be persuaded to do it, even when it’s the most appropriate/advantageous thing to do. This is a controversial quality, but I’m persuaded society needs people like that to be remembered that not everything can be bought or coerced, however kindly. 2) They are creative; I’ve never met an INFP who wasn’t creative, even just in his/her unorthodox point of view. One of the INFPs in my life is a talented musician and when he works on his creations or gets busy playing he is the most practical and professional person in the world; there is this misconception around that INFPs are fluffy-bunny artists, but in reality, they are EITHER in fluffy-bunny mode OR in artist mode, and when they’re doing their life work they do it with Nazi rigor. 3) Though I don’t agree with the “crybaby” stereotype, the INFPs I know do have deep and nuanced emotions and a special reactivity to events. It’s like people who see colors better than others, but with feelings. I appreciate that, because when they express the results of all these reactions and introspections, they have more insight than the average person.

Negatives I associate with INFPs: 1) Sometimes they mistake what they feel for what is going on in reality, or base all their decisions on what they feel is right without taking into account real-life consequences, which can be very contradictory of their intent. 2) They’re touchy and insidious, because they don’t express anger or blow up at very small stimuli only they can discern. Beware of the Fi-dom subterranean butthurt; I’m convinced the death toll is higher than firedamp’s. 3) Epic sloppiness and distraction around anything that isn’t the central focus of their interests.Their Te is very all or nothing and they tend to be unrepentant around their disorganization.

As for what I want to do with INFPs… a writing project! Of course not all INFPs are writers, but I love their creative work process and I’d like to collaborate in some artistic endeavor; though we’d probably need some J people to keep us in check.

ESTJ

Strangely enough, I don’t know any ESTJ aside from a few acquaintances I’m not regularly in touch with. I’m ready to get to know people of any type, so I can perfect my theories about the world and everything, ESTJs included.My general impressions about ESTJs is that they would be the kind of people I squabble a lot with in the beginning, but we would come to appreciate each other in time. But again, since I don’t know any ESTJ this is all theory.

INFJ

I’ve met two INFJs irl and two are online friends, though I’m no longer regularly in touch with one of them. I follow @infjravenclaw, @infjdoodles, @mbti-notes on tumblr, among others. I can’t say I know INFJs enough to define what kind of relationship I have with them. One of my INFJ online friends is a good friend and a person I love having conversation with, but she is pretty different from other INFJs I’ve met, so I failed to develop a general idea of the type and the dynamic I have with the type. Other INFJs I met were less open, they had a more evident social facade, the context where I met them wasn’t ideal to get to know them better or they were much older. When I first met INFJs, they typically strike me as polite, soft-spoken and very civil. One of my INFJ work acquaintances is pretty much Perfect Liberal but Ambitious girl: well-dressed, firm but kind, intuitive, intelligent, slightly patronizing. If you stay with them long enough they reveal a wacky side: weird Ni theories about people, sudden flashes of sharpness or sarcasm, impulsivity/spontaneity under stress.

Positives I associate with INFJs: 1) Pretty much like INTJs, they aren’t boring people, to say the least. They lead with Ni, so there’s a particular depth and weirdness to their worldview which I love to analyze; since they strive to put other people at ease, what they really think deep down can be quite mysterious; as everybody knows, INTPs love mystery and the unknown, so… Plus, I particularly like their brand of thought, a seamless union of rationality and idealism (old-fashioned humanistic intellectuals); they think about people much more than I do, so their point of view about people or even fictional characters is particularly interesting to me. 2) The INFJ friend I regularly talk to is a generator of the kind of questions you could find in a Kokology book. What’s not to love about that? 3) They are very tactful and graceful during interactions, which is particularly relaxing to me because I’m surrounded by Thinkers (yay brutal honesty) and Introverted feelers (yay brutal authenticity). Sometimes you just need a place to rest and fangirl in peace.

Negatives I associate with INFJs: 1) Softcore manipulation and patronizing attitude. They are mostly well-intentioned and it’s almost second nature to them; they think they know what is right and gently steer people in that direction instead of asking directly or getting angry. This is controversial, since many people actually love being “guided” like that, but I’m a die-hard straight shooter and I might interpret some of these behaviors as dishonest or stemming from a superiority complex. 2) Some of them have developed such a strong social facade you get the impression you’re interacting with a kind, smiling wall. Behind the wall the INFJ sits comfortably in his/her armchair, while you are squirming uncomfortably and thinking about your undone hair. Not cool. 3) Tert-Ti is a strange beast. It supports Ni but it’s not strong enough to completely eliminate fuzziness and, well, bullshit; some INFJs spout off ideas who are suggestive but incoherent, or seem absolutely certain about stuff that isn’t proven. I think this is where the “Mystical Unicorn” stereotype comes from. Most of the INFJs I’ve met are strong readers, same for INTPs; if we were all in the same city, I’d like to create a book club lol. Lots of ideas and interesting discussion material.

ENFP

I’ve shared the same apartment with an ENFP during the first two years of university; plus one of my sister’s ex-colleagues is an ENFP and we are in one of those weird situations were both of us regularly checks each other’s Facebook but we don’t really talk lol. Here on Tumblr I and @numberoneintjfangirl, who is an ENFP, are mutuals.

Though I shared an apartment with an ENFP and before that we were schoolmates, I can’t really say I know the type well; that’s partly because I’ve only gotten to know well one person of that type, and partly because what I learnt about that person I learnt during my “wild” INTP phase. I was very immature and closed-off, even obtuse in some respects, so there’s a good chance I missed important data and misunderstood the person. I can’t recall the first impression I had of my school friend because we were probably 5 years old. The other ENFP I got to know later stroke me as a person with a very brilliant and fast-paced sense of humor; he is a true comedian, and not in an annoying way. This is a first impression I often get with Ne-doms btw.As for positives: 1) the ENFPs I met are warm and generous people with a lot to give emotionally. They seem surrounded by a positive and upbeat aura and they know how to have fun, which is a true personal quality which doesn’t get enough respect imho. 2) They are curious and openminded, and VERY accepting of other people’s lifestyle, however unconventional or even eccentric. They themselves tend to be true explorers/creatives and try anything once. This last thing is a double edged sword, but I think they can be very realistic people, despite their famous idealism, because they amass a lot of real life experience while others plan and daydream. 3) Unlike many other Feelers, they are very direct and usually sincere, maybe because of their tert-Te. If something is wrong they’re more likely to tell you instead of letting the butthurt ramp up in silence. Negatives: 1) Similar to ENTPs, they get tired of things and people very fast and lack focus. They tend to be thrill-seekers even in areas where the thrill is only associated to initial phases or tensions, like intimate relationships. This is not ideal if you want to build any stability (which one of the ENFPs I met really wanted, but failed to actualize). 2) Since they try anything once with an open heart, they try a lot of shit that is bad for them and is bound to go wrong, and hurt a lot afterwards. 3) They get annoyed by their own plasticity and wind themselves up in existential crises of the “Who am I” variety. I’d like to go on holiday with an ENFP! I’m much more cautious and “boring” in my daily life, but I ain’t scared of nothing that doesn’t live in my head, so I think it would be a fun experience for both.

Sorry for taking so much time completing this reply, the ask was huge ^^”

@likeadeepbluesea answers to your asks are included here as well.

[littlewolfdiaries]

Hc or imagine up to you. Ponyboy school gets a new teacher and they were gang member and somehow got a teacher job. And they just lecture the kids about how gang life ain't all it like they tell stories and stuff? Sorry if you don't understand

Hc or imagine up to you. Ponyboy school gets a new teacher and they were gang member and somehow got a teacher job. And they just lecture the kids about how gang life ain't all it like they tell stories and stuff? Sorry if you don't understandTHIS IS SHIT IM SORRYIn Pony's POV (a horrible rendition of it): I walked into class a little unsure. There was someone I'd never seen before standing at the front of the room, and he looked nervous. His hair was shiny and it looked greasy. For a second, I thought I was hallucinating. But, I wasn't. There was a worn leather jacket on the back of the chair at the desk."I'm Mr. Knightley," he said. I was wondering who this guy was and what his deal was, and before I got to do much more he answered my thoughts exactly. Mr. Knightley said he was from Tulsa, and replacing our teacher. I nearly forgot she was pregnant! I added 'remembering/noticing things' to my mental list of things I didn't excel at.Middle-of-the-year teachers really bugged me, they just got under my skin plain-and-simple, but he didn't seem to be all that bad. His jacket and suit was actually pretty tuff, I turned to tell Steve. Steve was Bryon's friend, and he dug pretty well."I know it," he nodded. "He almost looks like a greaser."I noticed it, now. He was a greaser!An older, mature greaser. Golly, I'd never seen one of those before. A greaser turned teacher? Quite odd.It was clear to me now that he didn't just run with greasers, either. He was a real one, maybe even a JD. I pictured the older couple down the road hollering at him, calling him a hood many years ago. No, I don't mean many. Examining him closer, I realized he was only thirty, at the most. But he looked a lot older than my dad did at thirty. Even before he died. "I'm taking a wild guess here in saying y'all prob'ly don't wanna do any work," I was zoning out, daydreaming as Darry called it, half-listening.I preferred him teaching over a study hall. Glory, how boring those things could be. I'd never understand how people could enjoy those. He said he'd give us a lecture. Being a good kid, sticking to work, being nicer, being thankful, being "safe" god forbid you ever did engage in that "type of behavior", I could only imagine which of the usual it'd be today."I know y'all know what a greaser is." White trash with long greasy hair, huh?"Don't gotta pretend as if you don't, I know you do." Cue the stares of Socs all around."I used to be one of those," he started. He said he'd tell us about his life and his mistakes. I thought I would be bored to death, but he was getting my attention real quickly. "And I joined a gang."What was this crazy man doing?"You're probably thinking, 'cool, man' --- some of you callin' me a hood in your heads, too, I bet. Maybe one or two of you are thinking that'd you never do such a thing. Good, I like your thinking.Anyways, it started off good and great and it just got worse, man. There was highlights, I mean, we stole some pretty cherry cars... But, that's not important. You feel so tough in the moment, invincible, but you're not. This applies to gangs, committing crimes, maybe even misbehaving in school. It's not worth it all.""What makes you say that, Sir?" A hand had shot in the air like a speedy bullet. His face paled, he grimaced, and recovered. "My buddies, man, they all got caught. Everything we worked to create came tumbling down. You feel so important and you're working so hard, but guess what your qualifications are besides risking your life doin' stuff you could be put away for years are? You ain't got none. No, you don't."He kept going, telling us these interesting stories. I wasn't even watching the clock like usual, and even the Socs were entranced in his words. "And he comes speeding down the road and he yells 'get in' and I'm over here thinking to myself, 'is this guy out of his mind'?" He's grinning, everyone's laughing.I noticed a striking similarity between Knightley and Kings. River Kings, I mean. The way he describes his gang's turf, too... Then, I thought maybe I was jumping to conclusions, you know?The end of class came too fast. I had feeling everyone feels the same way. 'Stay in school and never join a gang!!', he hollered on our way out. Leaving I thought he was a little wacky, but cool nonetheless. Little did I know Mr. Knightley's stories about anything from the awkward feeling of leather to stealing Mustangs to his first date would be what would be getting me through the day. In the future, I mean.

[recentanimenews]

Who Are the Best 'Bad' Teachers of Anime?

What makes a “bad” teacher? Is it someone who can’t connect to their pupils? Doesn’t understand their subject matter? Or just someone who's super lazy? Depending on who you ask, it all really just might be a matter of perspective — or perhaps a stroke of untapped genius. With so many anime taking place in schools, it’s no surprise that there are just as many colorful teachers as there are students. These sometimes misunderstood classroom superstars might not embody the traditional educator model, but one thing is for certain this Teacher’s Day: They’ve all managed to score an A+ in our heart regardless of their eccentric ways.

All’s Fair in Love and War

Jiraiya and Naruto begin their training

One of the Leaf Village's finest, Naruto’s Jiraiya is a man who needs no introduction. Of the three Sannin, Jiraiya takes our understanding of mentorship to a whole new level. When you think of your favorite teacher, you probably don’t picture their wild side. A proud pervert like Jiraiya certainly doesn’t fit that traditional image — because he’s definitely everything but your typical instructor. Jiraiya, despite being someone you might not want to bring a parent-teacher meeting, doesn’t mess around when it comes to training his pupils into the best shape possible. Business, after all, always comes after pleasure.

Jiraiya offers to teach Naruto his legendary summoning technique

After his legendary encounter with the powerful ninja Hanzō in the Rain Village, Jiraiya was approached with his first pupil: a young boy named Nagato. For Jiraiya, this would spell both the beginning of his teaching life, and many years later, the painful end. Jiraiya, of course, would go on to mentor Minato and his son Naruto during his journey to tame the power of the raging Nine-Tailed Fox inside of him. Of Jiraiya’s many lessons, one of the first remains the most memorable: teaching Naruto his legendary Summoning Technique. But before Naruto can even jump that hurdle, he first must learn his most important lesson yet — the power of concentration, failure, and unending perseverance. Having seen both the best of people and the gruesome realities of war, Jiraiya has shown us what a truly inspirational teacher looks like: someone who never gives up on you and expects the very best, not just on the battlefield, but in your heart.

Hang in there, baby!

 "I was fully prepared to die!"

  Some teachers are tied up in their careers. Others are tied up in an entirely different way. Sayonara Zetsubou-Sensei’s Nozomu Itoshiki is one such hopeless teacher. One spring day he attempts to hang a noose around his neck before one of his students saves the day — forever sealing his high school educator fate. Mister Nozomu is a man with an extremely bleak outlook on life and is almost always ready to kick the bucket on a moment’s notice. Fashioning himself as a realist, Nozomu isn’t too shy to talk down to his kids, nor remind them that death is all coming for us. Nozomu is based on the main character Ōba Yōzō from the classic Osamu Dazai novel No Longer Human, a personal favorite of Zetsubou-Sensei artist Kōji Kumeta. Like Dazai’s character, Nozomu had become so disillusioned with society that he’s taken it upon himself to let the entire world know. Nozomu isn’t exactly a “bad” teacher by trade — but he definitely isn’t espousing the beauties of your high school years, either. 

On the first day of class, Nozomu passionately asks his students to fill out "despair surveys"

But what’s a teacher without his students? Nozomu’s colorful class includes students eager to pin animal tails on his behind, a hikikomori, phone addicts, a chronic tsundere, and a radical perfectionist. Even on his best days, Nozomu’s homeroom resembles something like a zoo rather than a proper place of learning. And yet somehow, despite field trips and haywire lessons gone wrong, Nozomu still manages to stick by his students and their wacky ways until the very end. He may in fact, actually be the nihilist saint we need today.

Welcome to the School of Hard Knocks

"...and have fun at Duel Monsters Community College!"

Professor Vellian Crowler of Yu-Gi-Oh! GX fame would like to remind you he has a PhD in dueling and he worked very hard for it, thank you. Among the many faculty members teaching at the prestigious Duel Academy, no other teacher strikes fear into the heart of Obelisk Blue students like Professor Crowler himself. Best known for his brutal Ancient Gear deck, Professor Crowler doesn’t hesitate to go all out during duels to assert the pecking order. Whether he always wins or not, of course, is an entirely different story — especially if your name is Jaden.

Professor Crowlers gives his student a full workout before hitting the duels

To call Professor Crowler unorthodox would be an understatement. In fact, it wouldn’t be too outrageous to call him a bully at his worst behavior. Going so far as to almost sabotage many a student’s Duel Academy career, Crowler has had his truly awful moments. However, toward the end of Jaden’s studies at Duel Academy, Professor Crowler undergoes a much-needed change of heart. Maybe having your spirit possessed by a vampire Shadow Rider does that to you. Or maybe it was when he was spirited away into another dimension and stripped of his winning deck? Or maybe it’s just tough love and good old-fashion character growth. For all his “bad" behavior, Professor Crowler successfully shifted his focus to being a career advisor after being promoted to Duel Academy’s flamboyant vice-principal. Regardless of all the flack he’s given his pupils, Professor Crowler shows unwavering support for their transition into the professional world of dueling. Like every teacher hard on their students, Professor Crowler wants you to believe in your dreams — whether you know it or not. But only if you got enough grit to last.

Making a Heroic Homeroom

"U.A.'s selling point is how unrestricted its school traditions are. That's also how teachers run their classes."

My Hero Academia’s Shota Aizawa, also known by his hero name Eraserhead, is the only teacher on this list for whom “no sleeping in class” doesn’t apply to. Shota doesn’t immediately give off the best impression that he’s interested in his students. Famous for once failing an entire class of hero hopefuls in the past, it almost seems like a cruel joke that anyone would end up with him as their instructor. But don’t let Shota’s seemingly apathetic demeanor fool you — beneath those baggy eyes and, erm, sleeping bag, is a teacher fiercely determined to see the best in his pupils.

Sound advice from U.A.'s best sleeper hit instructor

Shota doesn’t hesitate to tell his students what being a hero is all about, and most importantly, what their weaknesses are. A good teacher — for all the praise and support they give — also needs to find the places where you’ve yet to grow. Although that might be easier said than done when it comes to Class 1-A. Shota is hard because he has to be. Heroism isn’t for the weak-spirited. Even going as far as to defend his student’s decision to fight villains during the disastrous Kamino Incident, Shota’s proven himself as a teacher that would rather see his student thrive beyond the books. In fact, he shines brightest as a teacher outside the classroom. For example, after failing to rescue Eri, a young girl with a mysterious quirk held captive by a crime group, Izuku Midoriya and his peers meet to discuss their next plan of action. Rightfully disappointed, Izuku is practically at a loss of what to do, until Shota gives him these words of encouragement: "If you're going to do this, do this properly, Midoriya." Shota isn’t just raising heroes strong enough to work for agencies or save the day for views. Like the greatest “bad” teachers that ever were, Shota teaches us that in order to learn our hardest lessons we must be ready to get hurt and stand right back up again.

Did we miss out any of your favorite "bad" teachers? What's the greatest lesson you've ever learned in an anime classroom? Let us know in the comments!

  Blake P. is a writer who would actually love to earn a Ph.D. in dueling. He likes old mecha anime, computer games, books, and black coffee. His twitter is @_dispossessed. His bylines include Fanbyte, VRV, Unwinnable, and more.

Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[adambstingus]

Inside look at comedian T.J. Miller’s epic self-destruction

Cast member T.J. Miller attends the premiere for “The Emoji Movie” in Los Angeles, California, U.S., July 23, 2017.  (Reuters)

Last summer, T.J. Miller joked in an interview that he wanted to occupy the “Lindsay Lohan train-wreck-but-not-quite” persona currently missing from Hollywood.

Looks like he’s hit his goal.

On April 9, the former “Silicon Valley” star was arrested after calling in a bogus bomb threat while traveling aboard an Amtrak train headed to NYC from Washington, DC.

According to the Department of Justice, Miller called 911 on March 18 stating that a female passenger had a “bomb in her bag.” A Miller insider said the comedian “genuinely believed that the bomb threat was true. That’s why he left his name and number.”

No explosives were found. An attendant in the first-class car told officials that Miller was intoxicated when he boarded the train and downed two glasses of wine and two double scotch-and-sodas while on board. Miller started a “hostile exchange” with a woman sitting a few rows away, according to court papers, after she rebuffed his flirtatious advances, and it is believed he called in the false bomb threat to retaliate. He was kicked off the train for drunken misconduct before the bomb squad arrived. (Miller was released on $100,000 bail and is now awaiting trial.)

It’s just the latest weird behavior that makes no sense for a star on the rise. In 2016, Miller was arrested for allegedly assaulting an Uber driver in Los Angeles over a disagreement about Donald Trump. The following year, he and his wife, artist and actress Kate Gorney, were kicked out of a casino in Monte Carlo. Seven months later, he went on a hateful tirade after a transgender acquaintance, Danielle Solzman, pointed out a transphobic joke on his Web site; Miller called Solzman a “weird, strange, terrible man,” among other insults.

The real reason T.J. Miller left ‘Silicon Valley’

And then there were the stories about him showing up drunk and high to the “Silicon Valley” set, which Miller has denied. Nonetheless, fans were shocked in May 2017 when he announced he was walking away from the buzzy HBO show — and his popular character, Erlich. Miller then publicly attacked show producers, stars and Hollywood execs in a series of scathing interviews, stating that he doesn’t like executive producer Alec Berg: “I don’t know how smart [Alec] is,” and that William Morris Endeavor honcho Ari Emanuel, “only cares about money, collecting chips.”

One common denominator in Miller’s escapades seems to be substance use.

“He has substance-abuse issues,” said a source close to Miller. “He has a good heart and is sort of a sad guy who does things that make you shake your head.”

(Miller’s representative had no comment on the allegations in this story.)

But sources also tell The Post that Miller loves to shock people.

“Basically he’s someone who embraces the contrarian perspective so tightly that he actually starves his career of the oxygen it needs,” said the source close to him. “It’s ridiculous.”

Now, as the 36-year-old comic faces up to five years in jail, friends and colleagues are wondering: Has Miller finally taken the joke too far?

In the beginning of his career, sources said, the actor’s outlandish antics worked in his favor.

Having grown up in Denver — one of two children of a lawyer father and psychologist mother — Miller graduated from George Washington University in 2003 and moved to Chicago, where he became an integral member of the city’s stand-up comedy scene.

“The more wild he was, the more his agents and managers applauded his behavior,” said Miller’s ex-girlfriend, comedian JC Coccoli, who cites the time he parachuted into “The Emoji Movie” premiere in Cannes last May as a prime example.

T.J. Miller and wife deny sexual assault allegations against him

Coccoli, who dated Miller in 2009 when the wacky stand-up comedian was just gaining traction in Hollywood, recalls him showing up at her magazine job in Los Angeles “hammered and really f – – ked up and in blue face,” straight from what he said was a Blue Man Group audition.

“He did a wild audition for ‘Yogi Bear’ [with a live bear from the Hollywood Animals ranch] and then got it,” Coccoli added. “So he was on this string of: ‘If I do really wild and crazy things, this is how I’m booking things.’ He was noticing a trend of what he could get away with.

“Agents loved it. They would never invite an artist like TJ to their wedding, but they wanted to make money off of him.”

Miller’s career was on a roll. In 2008 he made his film debut in “Cloverfield” and soon landed roles in movies including “She’s Out of My League” and the fourth “Transformers” flick, as well as a Comedy Central special.

But, colleagues said, you never knew what you were going to get with Miller.

Miller, pictured here in 2007, began his career as a stand-up comic.  (Reuters)

“We always thought he was kind of doing a character,” said a former staff member of “Chelsea Lately,” the E! show hosted by Chelsea Handler on which Miller often appeared. “Did [it] ever feel like you were having a straight, real conversation with him? No. But … it was just what I accepted about T.J. He was very friendly and supportive and complimentary.”

Coccoli recalls a trip she and Miller took to what she terms his family’s “mansion” in Denver for his father’s annual Ferrari rally.

“We show up for this big dinner and there are name tags on the table,” said Coccoli. “My name is written in and another girl’s name is scratched out.” Coccoli recalls being humiliated that Miller had originally invited another date.

“It was almost a game to him,” she said of how Miller approached romantic relationships — and just about everything else in his life.

He even hired a bodyguard, she said, to get a rise out of people.

TJ Miller: I got kicked out of a casino in Monte Carlo

“It was performance art,” said the source close to Miller. “That’s a big part of who he is.”

According to Coccoli, Miller thrives on drama.

“He didn’t care if he was arrested or whatever. He just wants to constantly be creating and have no rules,” she said. “If he showed up late or didn’t show up at all or was a mess on set … he got off on that stuff.”

But while people like Coccoli could forgive Miller’s less serious offenses, his substance- abuse issues were becoming harder to ignore.

“He had cabinets filled with whip-its in his Hollywood apartment,” she said of the nitrous-oxide dispensers used to get a euphoric high. “There were no plates.

“This is a guy who would drink so much that he would fall asleep in my car in my garage and I would leave him there overnight because I couldn’t get him back in my bed,” said Coccoli.

Still, Miller’s career wasn’t suffering — at first.

“He would be up [on] three hours of sleep and go to audition and book it — nail it,” Coccoli recalled.

T.J. Miller played Erlich Bachman on HBO’s “Silicon Valley.”  (HBO)

But things caught up with Miller as he landed more work, including roles in “How to Train Your Dragon 2,” “Big Hero 6” and “Office Christmas Party.” A couple years into “Silicon Valley,” insiders said, he was burning the candle at both ends.

“He screwed himself a little bit with the show,” said the source close to the comedian. “He would do stand-up too late the night before, and then would have to shoot the next day and would be hungover and/or exhausted and then be a total a – – hole.

“He’s a hard-working guy who wants to do everything, and then ended up undercutting himself with his own behavior. And that’s the tragedy. He’s a guy who is unnecessarily making his life more difficult.”

Top honchos began to take notice — and worry.

“He thinks drinking and comedy are intricately connected,” one HBO exec told The Post. “It was funny at first when this wacky guy was sneaking gin onto a set. Until it wasn’t funny anymore. He couldn’t stay in character, couldn’t remember lines, fell asleep. It was just costing HBO too much money.”

One day, an insider said, Miller just didn’t show up to set. “You could tell things were deteriorating,” said a “Silicon Valley” writer, who added that producers were wary of building Miller a three-season arc in case he quit at any moment.

Miller told the Hollywood Reporter in March that “I’m not high when I work because it gets in the way of the comedy. I also am not a guy who’s blackout-drunk, bumping into things on set… . What was occurring [on the set of ‘Silicon Valley’] was I was out doing stand-up all the time, even if it meant I only got three hours of sleep. So, the thing I have a problem with? It’s pushing myself to do too much.”

T.J. Miller wants to fill the void left by Lindsay Lohan

Part of the issue, noted one comedy-club booker, is that it seems like Miller feels compelled to live up to the wild-man reputation he has created for himself. “If you think about it, 99 percent of his humor’s based on booze. He drinks onstage during stand-up sets, he’s even made a bunch of short films about being drunk — one of them was called ‘Successful Alcoholics.’ ”

When Miller shot a commercial teasing his gig hosting the 2016 Critics Choice Awards, he based it around a drinking game, “so he got to shoot with a glass in his hand at a bar for an hour,” said a source who worked for A&E Networks (which aired the show). “I don’t think it was water.”

With the Uber incident, Miller was arrested in December 2016 after a physical altercation with driver Wilson Deon Thomas III. According to TMZ, Thomas claims Miller became violent after an argument regarding President Trump and struck Thomas on his head and shoulder while he was driving. Thomas also claimed that Miller was inhaling nitrous oxide out of whip-its throughout the ride and even called his assistant to bring him more when he ran out. (A settlement was eventually reached between Miller and Thomas.)

Some close to Miller wonder whether Kate Gorney — his wife of three years — is facilitating the bad behavior.

In May 2017, the two were kicked out of a casino in Monte Carlo while Miller was at the Cannes Film Festival promoting “The Emoji Movie.”

“[The casino] told us to get the hell out of there and they felt we were acting a little bit ‘aggressive!’ ” Miller told Page Six at the time.

“I would just say that [Kate’s] not always going to do the best thing for him,” said the source close to Miller. “I think she cares. She’s not a bad person but there’s a part of her that’s a little bit wanting to have more visibility.”

T.J. Miller busted for ‘drunk’ bomb threat on Amtrak train

Someone who knows the couple told The Post, “[Kate] doesn’t know how to deal with him but loves him very much. She has made [concerned] middle-of-the-night calls to friends. Their life has just been turned upside down by his behavior.”

T.J. MIller and Kate Gorney married on September 6, 2015.  (Reuters)

Miller and Gorney, who dated in college, were again embroiled in controversy last December when a woman told the Daily Beast of alleged sexual abuse by Miller while he was an undergrad at George Washington, including him choking and shaking her and punching her in the mouth during sex. Another time, she said, Miller penetrated her with a beer bottle without her consent. Her housemate and friends corroborated the account.

Miller and his wife issued a joint statement, writing that the accuser was jealous and “became fixated on our relationship” in college and was “using the current [#MeToo] climate to bandwagon.”

The same day the Daily Beast article was published, Miller’s Comedy Central series, “The Gorburger Show,” was canceled after only one season. Also, Mucinex — for which the comedian had been a spokesman since 2014 — dropped him.

Fellow comedians are genuinely concerned about Miller.

“There are some people at the Comedy Cellar who said he drinks too much, and they are worried about him,” said comedian Artie Lange, who has infamously battled drug and alcohol addictions.

“It’s hard. My issue with showbiz [is that] it enabled me,” said Lange. “It’s flattering and also enabling. I hope that doesn’t happen to him.”

Insiders don’t think it’s too late for Miller — who is in “Deadpool 2,” out May 18 — to turn things around.

“People genuinely like the guy and think he’s funny, but he also unnecessarily antagonizes,” said the source close to him.

The comedy-club booker even has an idea for Miller’s future: “Maybe he’ll do rehab humor for his comeback.”

This article originally appeared in the New York Post.

On Our Radar

Lauer caught on tape

TMZ

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/inside-look-at-comedian-t-j-millers-epic-self-destruction/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/180697219227

[allofbeercom]

Inside look at comedian T.J. Miller’s epic self-destruction

Cast member T.J. Miller attends the premiere for “The Emoji Movie” in Los Angeles, California, U.S., July 23, 2017.  (Reuters)

Last summer, T.J. Miller joked in an interview that he wanted to occupy the “Lindsay Lohan train-wreck-but-not-quite” persona currently missing from Hollywood.

Looks like he’s hit his goal.

On April 9, the former “Silicon Valley” star was arrested after calling in a bogus bomb threat while traveling aboard an Amtrak train headed to NYC from Washington, DC.

According to the Department of Justice, Miller called 911 on March 18 stating that a female passenger had a “bomb in her bag.” A Miller insider said the comedian “genuinely believed that the bomb threat was true. That’s why he left his name and number.”

No explosives were found. An attendant in the first-class car told officials that Miller was intoxicated when he boarded the train and downed two glasses of wine and two double scotch-and-sodas while on board. Miller started a “hostile exchange” with a woman sitting a few rows away, according to court papers, after she rebuffed his flirtatious advances, and it is believed he called in the false bomb threat to retaliate. He was kicked off the train for drunken misconduct before the bomb squad arrived. (Miller was released on $100,000 bail and is now awaiting trial.)

It’s just the latest weird behavior that makes no sense for a star on the rise. In 2016, Miller was arrested for allegedly assaulting an Uber driver in Los Angeles over a disagreement about Donald Trump. The following year, he and his wife, artist and actress Kate Gorney, were kicked out of a casino in Monte Carlo. Seven months later, he went on a hateful tirade after a transgender acquaintance, Danielle Solzman, pointed out a transphobic joke on his Web site; Miller called Solzman a “weird, strange, terrible man,” among other insults.

The real reason T.J. Miller left ‘Silicon Valley’

And then there were the stories about him showing up drunk and high to the “Silicon Valley” set, which Miller has denied. Nonetheless, fans were shocked in May 2017 when he announced he was walking away from the buzzy HBO show — and his popular character, Erlich. Miller then publicly attacked show producers, stars and Hollywood execs in a series of scathing interviews, stating that he doesn’t like executive producer Alec Berg: “I don’t know how smart [Alec] is,” and that William Morris Endeavor honcho Ari Emanuel, “only cares about money, collecting chips.”

One common denominator in Miller’s escapades seems to be substance use.

“He has substance-abuse issues,” said a source close to Miller. “He has a good heart and is sort of a sad guy who does things that make you shake your head.”

(Miller’s representative had no comment on the allegations in this story.)

But sources also tell The Post that Miller loves to shock people.

“Basically he’s someone who embraces the contrarian perspective so tightly that he actually starves his career of the oxygen it needs,” said the source close to him. “It’s ridiculous.”

Now, as the 36-year-old comic faces up to five years in jail, friends and colleagues are wondering: Has Miller finally taken the joke too far?

In the beginning of his career, sources said, the actor’s outlandish antics worked in his favor.

Having grown up in Denver — one of two children of a lawyer father and psychologist mother — Miller graduated from George Washington University in 2003 and moved to Chicago, where he became an integral member of the city’s stand-up comedy scene.

“The more wild he was, the more his agents and managers applauded his behavior,” said Miller’s ex-girlfriend, comedian JC Coccoli, who cites the time he parachuted into “The Emoji Movie” premiere in Cannes last May as a prime example.

T.J. Miller and wife deny sexual assault allegations against him

Coccoli, who dated Miller in 2009 when the wacky stand-up comedian was just gaining traction in Hollywood, recalls him showing up at her magazine job in Los Angeles “hammered and really f – – ked up and in blue face,” straight from what he said was a Blue Man Group audition.

“He did a wild audition for ‘Yogi Bear’ [with a live bear from the Hollywood Animals ranch] and then got it,” Coccoli added. “So he was on this string of: ‘If I do really wild and crazy things, this is how I’m booking things.’ He was noticing a trend of what he could get away with.

“Agents loved it. They would never invite an artist like TJ to their wedding, but they wanted to make money off of him.”

Miller’s career was on a roll. In 2008 he made his film debut in “Cloverfield” and soon landed roles in movies including “She’s Out of My League” and the fourth “Transformers” flick, as well as a Comedy Central special.

But, colleagues said, you never knew what you were going to get with Miller.

Miller, pictured here in 2007, began his career as a stand-up comic.  (Reuters)

“We always thought he was kind of doing a character,” said a former staff member of “Chelsea Lately,” the E! show hosted by Chelsea Handler on which Miller often appeared. “Did [it] ever feel like you were having a straight, real conversation with him? No. But . . . it was just what I accepted about T.J. He was very friendly and supportive and complimentary.”

Coccoli recalls a trip she and Miller took to what she terms his family’s “mansion” in Denver for his father’s annual Ferrari rally.

“We show up for this big dinner and there are name tags on the table,” said Coccoli. “My name is written in and another girl’s name is scratched out.” Coccoli recalls being humiliated that Miller had originally invited another date.

“It was almost a game to him,” she said of how Miller approached romantic relationships — and just about everything else in his life.

He even hired a bodyguard, she said, to get a rise out of people.

TJ Miller: I got kicked out of a casino in Monte Carlo

“It was performance art,” said the source close to Miller. “That’s a big part of who he is.”

According to Coccoli, Miller thrives on drama.

“He didn’t care if he was arrested or whatever. He just wants to constantly be creating and have no rules,” she said. “If he showed up late or didn’t show up at all or was a mess on set . . . he got off on that stuff.”

But while people like Coccoli could forgive Miller’s less serious offenses, his substance- abuse issues were becoming harder to ignore.

“He had cabinets filled with whip-its in his Hollywood apartment,” she said of the nitrous-oxide dispensers used to get a euphoric high. “There were no plates.

“This is a guy who would drink so much that he would fall asleep in my car in my garage and I would leave him there overnight because I couldn’t get him back in my bed,” said Coccoli.

Still, Miller’s career wasn’t suffering — at first.

“He would be up [on] three hours of sleep and go to audition and book it — nail it,” Coccoli recalled.

T.J. Miller played Erlich Bachman on HBO’s “Silicon Valley.”  (HBO)

But things caught up with Miller as he landed more work, including roles in “How to Train Your Dragon 2,” “Big Hero 6” and “Office Christmas Party.” A couple years into “Silicon Valley,” insiders said, he was burning the candle at both ends.

“He screwed himself a little bit with the show,” said the source close to the comedian. “He would do stand-up too late the night before, and then would have to shoot the next day and would be hungover and/or exhausted and then be a total a – – hole.

“He’s a hard-working guy who wants to do everything, and then ended up undercutting himself with his own behavior. And that’s the tragedy. He’s a guy who is unnecessarily making his life more difficult.”

Top honchos began to take notice — and worry.

“He thinks drinking and comedy are intricately connected,” one HBO exec told The Post. “It was funny at first when this wacky guy was sneaking gin onto a set. Until it wasn’t funny anymore. He couldn’t stay in character, couldn’t remember lines, fell asleep. It was just costing HBO too much money.”

One day, an insider said, Miller just didn’t show up to set. “You could tell things were deteriorating,” said a “Silicon Valley” writer, who added that producers were wary of building Miller a three-season arc in case he quit at any moment.

Miller told the Hollywood Reporter in March that “I’m not high when I work because it gets in the way of the comedy. I also am not a guy who’s blackout-drunk, bumping into things on set. . . . What was occurring [on the set of ‘Silicon Valley’] was I was out doing stand-up all the time, even if it meant I only got three hours of sleep. So, the thing I have a problem with? It’s pushing myself to do too much.”

T.J. Miller wants to fill the void left by Lindsay Lohan

Part of the issue, noted one comedy-club booker, is that it seems like Miller feels compelled to live up to the wild-man reputation he has created for himself. “If you think about it, 99 percent of his humor’s based on booze. He drinks onstage during stand-up sets, he’s even made a bunch of short films about being drunk — one of them was called ‘Successful Alcoholics.’ ”

When Miller shot a commercial teasing his gig hosting the 2016 Critics Choice Awards, he based it around a drinking game, “so he got to shoot with a glass in his hand at a bar for an hour,” said a source who worked for A&E Networks (which aired the show). “I don’t think it was water.”

With the Uber incident, Miller was arrested in December 2016 after a physical altercation with driver Wilson Deon Thomas III. According to TMZ, Thomas claims Miller became violent after an argument regarding President Trump and struck Thomas on his head and shoulder while he was driving. Thomas also claimed that Miller was inhaling nitrous oxide out of whip-its throughout the ride and even called his assistant to bring him more when he ran out. (A settlement was eventually reached between Miller and Thomas.)

Some close to Miller wonder whether Kate Gorney — his wife of three years — is facilitating the bad behavior.

In May 2017, the two were kicked out of a casino in Monte Carlo while Miller was at the Cannes Film Festival promoting “The Emoji Movie.”

“[The casino] told us to get the hell out of there and they felt we were acting a little bit ‘aggressive!’ ” Miller told Page Six at the time.

“I would just say that [Kate’s] not always going to do the best thing for him,” said the source close to Miller. “I think she cares. She’s not a bad person but there’s a part of her that’s a little bit wanting to have more visibility.”

T.J. Miller busted for ‘drunk’ bomb threat on Amtrak train

Someone who knows the couple told The Post, “[Kate] doesn’t know how to deal with him but loves him very much. She has made [concerned] middle-of-the-night calls to friends. Their life has just been turned upside down by his behavior.”

T.J. MIller and Kate Gorney married on September 6, 2015.  (Reuters)

Miller and Gorney, who dated in college, were again embroiled in controversy last December when a woman told the Daily Beast of alleged sexual abuse by Miller while he was an undergrad at George Washington, including him choking and shaking her and punching her in the mouth during sex. Another time, she said, Miller penetrated her with a beer bottle without her consent. Her housemate and friends corroborated the account.

Miller and his wife issued a joint statement, writing that the accuser was jealous and “became fixated on our relationship” in college and was “using the current [#MeToo] climate to bandwagon.”

The same day the Daily Beast article was published, Miller’s Comedy Central series, “The Gorburger Show,” was canceled after only one season. Also, Mucinex — for which the comedian had been a spokesman since 2014 — dropped him.

Fellow comedians are genuinely concerned about Miller.

“There are some people at the Comedy Cellar who said he drinks too much, and they are worried about him,” said comedian Artie Lange, who has infamously battled drug and alcohol addictions.

“It’s hard. My issue with showbiz [is that] it enabled me,” said Lange. “It’s flattering and also enabling. I hope that doesn’t happen to him.”

Insiders don’t think it’s too late for Miller — who is in “Deadpool 2,” out May 18 — to turn things around.

“People genuinely like the guy and think he’s funny, but he also unnecessarily antagonizes,” said the source close to him.

The comedy-club booker even has an idea for Miller’s future: “Maybe he’ll do rehab humor for his comeback.”

This article originally appeared in the New York Post.

On Our Radar

Lauer caught on tape

TMZ

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/inside-look-at-comedian-t-j-millers-epic-self-destruction/

[recentnews18-blog]

New Post has been published on https://shovelnews.com/how-much-money-do-you-have-to-earn-before-you-get-weird/

How Much Money Do You Have to Earn Before You Get Weird?

This article originally appeared on VICE UK.

Who is your favorite billionaire? Wrong answer: Being a billionaire is a fundamentally immoral thing to be and all of them should be slaughtered, their blood drained from their bodies, and their heavy heads placed on spikes. But ignoring that: Who is your favorite billionaire? If it’s not Elon Musk, you’re doing billionaire fandom wrong. And I’m not talking in that Rick-and-Morty-poster, le-epic-win–style way of enjoying Elon Musk: Enjoying him as a spectacle, as a projection of who you would be if you were rich, that’s the way to do it. Think about it, if you were a billionaire, would you be Bill Gates (philanthropist, still fundamentally looks like he gets wedgied now and again)? Jeff Bezos (unapologetically rich hench dude, first villain to get grenade exploded in an Expendables film)? Mark Zuckerberg (a grey t-shirt that got a bit carried away and an alien who has to actively remind himself to blink)? Richard Branson (“Mommy, why is that dinner lady suing the NHS?”)? Or would you be Elon Musk, who keeps trying to send shit into space and occasionally summons a beautiful woman from the world of celebrity to come and be his blonde concubine? Elon Musk is so rich he called a cave diver a pedophile three separate times because he keeps shit talking on Twitter and he knows he’s so rich he’s essentially legally bulletproof. You telling me that’s not you? Because that’s me. You’re telling me that’s not you? That is me if I ever get rich. So Lord help you all if I ever get rich.

Here’s an example of how Elon Musk is exactly you if you were rich. A couple weeks ago he smoked a joint on the Joe Rogan show, which we all know about and remember fondly because he did it with the casual élan of a 13-year-old who just tried to stick his dick in an N64. The next day—for this reason, as well as two executives quitting on the same day and the hangover from Musk tweeting he was taking the company private and a New York Times interview where he started crying—Tesla stock crashed 6%. I have to caveat the next section by saying: I am bad at math.

I am bad at math: a caveat

Listen. I am not good at math. Accepting your flaws and embracing them—working with them, and not against them—is part of growing and becoming a complete human. Numbers are a foreign language to me! I am not good at math. For that reason, I am going to, bafflingly, attempt a ton of maths.

How much did that joint cost Elon Musk?

According to CNBC, as of June, this year Musk owns 33.7 million shares of Tesla. Before he took a massive rip of that fat J, it was trading at $280.95, making his shares worth $9.4 billion. After honking on dank, dank kush, shares went down to $260.32 (making Musk’s shares worth $8.7 billion). A lot of billionaires’ wealth is theoretical—it is tied up in stock, which waxes and wanes as the days progress, or is locked into hard real estate, so their actual money on-hand is a lot less than the total calculation of their worth—but by my calculation, that puff puff pass cost Elon Musk: $695,231,000. To clarify: six hundred and ninety five. Million. Dollars. Sure, maybe your mom caught you with a little bit of weed once and you got mildly in trouble and grounded for a medium length of time. But tell me: Have you ever bong ripped so hard someone’s GDP disappeared? [1]

Musk’s recent behavior (best described as “gloriously erratic”) has made me realize something: Basically every billionaire goes weird, in the end. And that’s got me thinking: Is weirdness inherent to the billionaire-fated mindset, or is weirdness thrust on to the normal human mind when it is exposed to such a ludicrous bank balance? Are billionaires billionaires because they’re weird, or are they weird because they’re billionaires? Or, to put it another way:

What is the exact amount of money I have to have before I go insane?

I intend to investigate that.

The billionaires

I have spent a very substantial amount of time now[2] investigating the historical wealth of the following five billionaires, who all broadly represent one end of the five-point billionaire personality matrix:

We will plot first their explosive wealth, then map their historical erratic behavior. I’m then going to put one graph on top of the other and try and figure out the exact net worth you need to have before you start going on podcasts and trapping Azaelia Banks in your house.

A few more caveats: Sometimes it is very difficult to figure a billionaire’s registered net worth in the years between their first mythologizing money-making deal (Richard Branson sold $6,000 worth of advertising in his first magazine, Student, when he was 15; Elon Musk sold a video game for $500 when he was 12) and their first billion because nobody (i.e. Forbes) really pays attention to how much money you have until you have a billion dollars. So there are some gray areas between, like, Mark Zuckerberg’s first million dollars in 2006 and his first billion-and-a-half dollars two years later (nobody knows how much Mark Zuckerberg was worth in 2007). Equally: I have not adjusted for inflation in any way at all because: come on! Boring! Thirdly: all accusations of erratic behavior are purely from me, purely on my own terms. I am the lash and I am the law, the only person saying what’s up is me. And so:

Bill Gates

Wealth: My guy Bill Gates is the vanilla ice cream of billionaires. Microsoft secured a deal worth $50,000 in 1980, when he was a 25-year-old CEO; in 1981, he became a millionaire through Microsoft holdings and the general business the company was doing. Although the exact figure is unclear, he had a rollerskating party in 1985 for his 30th birthday and he got speeding tickets a few times, which was about as wild as he ever got[3]. Then, in 1986, Microsoft’s initial public offering (IPO) went gangbusters and Gates, with at least $350 million in stock to his name, became a headline-making billionaire overnight. He’s basically been the go-to “Richest Man in the World” all the time you’ve been coherent and alive before Bezos took over from him this year.

(This is a chart of Bill Gates’ wealth. You will notice his age, written along the X-axis, is wildly incorrect, a running theme throughout this piece. This is because I could not get Excel to change it.)

Mania: In 2006, he announced he was going to start stepping back from Microsoft to focus on philanthropy, and signed the Giving Pledge in 2009 vowing to give away at least half of his wealth over his lifetime. And since then, he’s done nothing too wacky. He put some money into developing Vitamin A-enhanced bananas in 2012? In 2015, he drank a glass of reclaimed toilet water? Like? Nothing he has done is too crazy and most of it is for the wider good of the developing world? Gates is our control billionaire. He’s the most wealth of any man alive, the least signs of deep mania, the noble model of what an impossibly wealthy man should be.

(This is a chart of Bill Gates being weird. Instances of notable weirdness are marked in blue. You will notice there are no instances on this chart.)

Richard Branson

Wealth: Branson started making money in his teens after launching Student magazine and basically turning rival advertisers against each other to secure funding (“I soon learned the art that if I let Coke know that Pepsi were definitely in, that Coke would then jump in. And my education started,” he told CNBC last year. “It was an exciting time.” And the past is a foreign country, clearly, if a 15-year-old can just call Coke up and be like, “alright, money please”). He made his first million at the age of 23 after launching a mail-order record sales business, and then he started chain-launching businesses: he was worth £5 million [$6.5 million] in 1979, made his first billion at 41, and spent the next 18 years making another half a billion to take his net worth higher, then doubled it again the next year. His net worth now hovers around £5 billion [$6.5 billion], making him our poorest and therefore most cucked billionaire.

(This is Richard Branson’s wealth. He was the only one whose age I could get to work on it.)

Mania: Oh, Richard Branson is big time a maniac. Big time. I don’t know how old you are but if your age vaguely aligns with mine you might remember a period in the late-90s where basically the only news story, for about four years, was about Richard Branson repeatedly attempting and failing to circumnavigate the globe in a hot air balloon? He just kept crashing into the sea and doing a big OK-sign when the authorities came to rescue him? He tried to launch his own soft drink to rival Coke? In 2004 he started selling tickets to space and still hasn’t honored a single one of them?[4] When he sold Virgin EMI he ran through the streets sobbing? But the high point of Branson’s billionaire mania, the tipping point, the exact moment he cracked in a way he could never be glued back together again was when, shaven-faced and beaming, he donned a bridal gown for a doomed business called “Virgin Brides.” This man was worth £1.5 billion [$1.9 billion] at this exact moment in time.

Which gives us a good starting point in our studies: Earning £1.5 billion [$1.9 billion] is bad for you.

(Branson’s wealth with weirdness—every time he invested in hot air balloons, basically— marked in blue)

Mark Zuckerberg

Wealth: Mark Zuckerberg has done well for a guy who is the crystalline vibe of “spending too long online researching until your back seizes up,” making his first million in 2004 as Facebook started to receive piecemeal outside investment, and he turned it into his first billion two years later when the company hit its 500 shareholder limit and went public. Since then, his wealth has escalated wildly: He’s worth around $60 billion as of right now, today. Like Gates, he’s signed the Giving Pledge and set up various charitable endeavors, but also took the bullet for the Cambridge Analytica thing at the start of the year and did that weird bulgey-eyed water drinking when he was being deposed. He just feels like he’s your cousin’s older boyfriend who is quite boring and just got really into climbing, and he’s wearing a North Face fleece and eating in silence at your family barbecue, only he’s Mark Zuckerberg, and he’s richer than God.

(Think I got his age more-or-less right with this one, actually)

Mania: Mark Zuckerberg’s lack of outward mania is actually what makes him so terrifying—he sort of has the eerie non-personality of an MRA who only eats red meat and reads books about murder —but yeah on the whole he’s not done anything too weird beyond getting repeatedly sued, forever, by everyone. It’s kind of funny that Mark Zuckerberg just quietly wants to live his life, driving a Prius and wearing a ton of zip-up fleeces, collecting every bit of data on every single person alive—and instead, he just keeps repeatedly getting in trouble for being himself. Anyway the high point of him being a maniac was the water-drinking thing, and his net worth was close to it is now when it happened, so I’m saying: Earning $60 billion is bad for you.

Jeff Bezos

Wealth: Bezos is currently the richest man on the planet and until Amazon Prime stops being so incredibly, annoyingly convenient, that is only going to continue. Early era Bezos was just a properly “reads the whole internet, every day” guy who didn’t know how to buy shirts that fit him, but a few years ago, he did a U-turn and started getting big into arm workouts and wearing padded vests, so he’s possibly the only one of our billionaires to glow-up in any significant way. Anyway, he’s now worth $120 billion and he looks like he can pick you up over his head so sadly the world’s richest nerd is now a Bond villain, meaning we’re all doomed.

(Yeah got the age right on this one as well. Really… really had a time making these graphs you’re just barely flicking your eyes over, I have to tell you. Have you actually closely read any of these graphs? Of course you haven’t. I wouldn’t, if I were reading this. It’s OK. I understand. It’s just I really did try.)

Mania: If being a billionaire is a fundamentally immoral action then Bezos is the epitome of that because he has enough wealth to hand every Amazon employee $10,000[5] and he’d still be the richest man on the planet, and his empire is built on the backs of hundreds of thousands of warehouse workers who are too afraid to take a pee break in case they get fired or camp in a tent near their workplace to minimize their commute. Like most of our billionaires, he has dabbled in space travel (why does everyone with a net worth of $4 billion or above think they can crack space travel, when NASA, working on it for years, still occasionally fucks it up? Start on flying cars and work your way up.) and is begrudgingly tipping his toe into the waters of philanthropy, but the real billionaire weirdness of him lies in his (undoubtedly successful) leadership qualities and approach to work. Here, from Wikipedia:

Bezos does not schedule early morning meetings and enforces a two pizza rule–a preference for meetings to be small enough to where two pizzas can feed everyone in the board room. [122] When interviewing candidates for jobs at Amazon he has stated he considers three inquiries: Can he admire the person, can the person raise the common standard, and under what circumstances could the person become exemplary? [123] He meets with Amazon investors for a total of only six hours a year. [122] Instead of using PowerPoints, Bezos requires high-level employees to present information with six-page narratives. [124] Starting in 1998, Bezos publishes an annual letter for Amazon shareholders wherein he frequently refers to five principles: Focus on customers not competitors, take risks for market leadership, facilitate staff morality, build a company culture, and empower people. [125][126]Bezos maintains the email address “jeff@amazon.com” as an outlet for customers to reach out to him and the company. [127] Although he does not respond to the emails, he forwards some of them with a question mark in the subject line to executives who attempt to address the issues. [127]

On one hand, that question mark thing is so, so sociopathic and chilling. But on the other hand, the guy who can barely type an e-mail is worth $150 billion. So who’s the real idiot? Once again: it is me.

Elon Musk

Wealth: Elon Musk’s wealth is my favorite of the lot because he’s basically just a chain-started nerd businesses and made millions turning to billions with each. His first software company, Zip2, netted him $22 million when it sold in 1999. A month later, he started X.com, which merged with Confinity a year later and became the PayPal we all know and love and use for ill-advised late-night eBay purchases (it sold for $1.5 billion in 2002: Musk made $180 million). Following the sale, he smooshed everything into three businesses—SpaceX, the world’s most expensive ego massage, an airspace company with designs on occupying Mars; Tesla, an electric car company that is statistically massive despite nobody you know seeming to own or drive one; and SolarCity, a solar energy company HQ’d in California. At the time of the three investments, Musk is on record saying he had to borrow money to pay rent: now he’s worth $20 billion and he’s shot a Tesla into space. Yeah? What have you ever done?

(His age is just completely fucked on this one.)

Mania: Elon Musk’s mania is my favorite of the bunch because it’s come to the surface this year—he started going out with Grimes, he invited Azealia Banks over to his house to watch him tweet, he keeps crashing his own stock by doing aforementioned tweeting, he tripled-down on calling a Thai-based cave diver a pedophile, he smoked weed on a podcast, he shot a car into space. His net worth this year is hovering around $20 billion despite all the times he gets high, he starts crying or calls someone a nonce, so it’s safe to say that: Earning $20 billion is bad for you.

But did the bizarreness start earlier than this? If you read the 2010 Marie Claire story where he double-fists ice cream cones and threatens to fire his wife, you might think: yes. In 2001, after Musk left PayPal, he got slightly too into the idea of firing a ton of mice into space and seeing if they breed up there. From 2017’s Elon Musk: Tesla, SpaceX, and the Quest for a Fantastic Future:

Musk’s friends were not entirely sure what to make of his mental state. He’d lost a tremendous amount of weight fighting off malaria and looked almost skeletal. With little prompting, Musk would start expounding on his desire to do something meaningful with his life—something lasting. His next move had to be either in solar or in space. “He said, ‘The logical thing to happen next is solar, but I can’t figure out how to make any money out of it,’” said George Zachary, the investor and close friend of Musk’s, recalling a lunch date at the time. “Then he started talking about space, and I thought he meant office space like a real estate play.” Musk had actually started thinking bigger than the Mars Society. Rather than send a few mice into Earth’s orbit, Musk wanted to send them to Mars. Some very rough calculations done at the time suggested that the journey would cost $15 million. “He asked if I thought that was crazy,” Zachary said. “I asked, ‘Do the mice come back? Because, if they don’t, yeah, most people will think that’s crazy.’” As it turned out, the mice were not only meant to go to Mars and come back but were also meant to procreate along the way, during a journey that would take months. Jeff Skoll, another one of Musk’s friends who made a fortune at eBay, pointed out that the fornicating mice would need a hell of a lot of cheese and bought Musk a giant wheel of Le Brouère, a type of Gruyère.

At this point, he was worth an estimated $165 million. My guy got so rich he tried to emulate biker mice from mars. Takeaway: Earning $165 million is bad for you.

(Weirdness marked in blue: at $165 million, with the mice, and at $22 billion, with the Grimes and the weed.)

Conclusion

Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos cancel each other out: Gates has been monstrously rich for 30+ years and never done anything weird, and Bezos has been monstrously rich for 20 years and has always been sort of background-hum weird. They are two opposite forces of billionaire weirdness that negate each other to meet in the middle at true neutrality. Mark Zuckerberg is fundamentally odd, but has not ever done anything psychotic enough to be interesting, but as our youngest billionaire, he has time and money on his side (remember when that guy who did #StopKony took all his clothes off and masturbated near some parked cars? I feel like we have something like this in Zuckerberg’s future. Keeps doing press conferences while solemnly holding an AK, for example. Decides to launch a career in pro wrestling and gets slammed to death by Ric Flair with one final, terminal “woo!” Runs for president). This leaves us with two full-on billionaire weirdos: Elon Musk, who made $165 million and tried to fire a tub full of mice into space, and Richard Branson, who went very peculiar in the ‘90s and thought he could dick on Coke. So seeing as they went weird at $165 million and $1.5 billion, we can split the difference and say that this amount of money will send you bananas:

$832,500,000

So try not to ever earn that. Thanks.

[1] Stock being stock, it has since climbed back to $280, so Musk has made his money back. I only put in this horrendously sterile, water-carrying footnote to fend off very tedious “well actually…” replies I’m going to get from people on Reddit and Twitter.

[2] This is a bad idea because now the concept of money means very little to me. Example: In 2002, Elon Musk sold PayPal to eBay, and the value of his stock made him $165 million. In my head, having investigated billionaires all week, I am reading that figure and thinking: Pathetic. What a pathetic number. Try making some real money, 2002-era Elon Musk. Do you understand how in my overdraft I am! Do you realize how much I spent on Ubers this weekend now that I think $165 million is an insignificant amount of money! I have broken my head!

[3] From a 1986 profile I cannot believe I read: “Oddly, Gates is something of a ladies’ man and a fiendishly fast driver who has racked up speeding tickets even in the sluggish Mercedes diesel he bought to restrain himself.” I just really cannot imagine Bill Gates as a ladies’ man, sorry. I know we’re meant to be building him up. But come on.

[4] Though quite why you’d trust a man who can’t even fly a balloon around the planet without crashing it into the ocean with the task of flying your soft human body into space: I don’t know. A Virgin train can barely get to Edinburgh without stinking of shit about it. No way do I trust that dude with space travel.

[5] As of April 2018, there were 563,100 Amazon employees registered, which at $10,000 a pop would make a hole of $56.3 billion in Bezos’ personal finances, which again he’d probably make back within a year just from me buying spatulas, Command hooks, and books I’m not ever going to get around to reading and having them delivered straight to the office

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Source: https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/wjydmm/how-much-money-do-you-have-to-earn-before-you-get-weird