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suitofvibraniumarmor · 4 years ago

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If You Just Realize [Finale]

Part Fifteen: Watching Over Us

Summary: Irina’s letter bodes well for Sebastian and his growing family. Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader Word Count: 1945 Series Warnings: Death, angst, sadness. Lots of creative licensing, I’m sure. Chapter Warnings: Post-death grief/feels, custody issues, pregnancy. Square Filled: This entire series will fill my realized feelings square for @marvelfluffbingo. A/N: I’ve much enjoyed writing this series, and I hope all of you enjoy reading it! The tag list is open; requests to be added can be done so here. There are bits and pieces of Romanian throughout the series, mostly from Google Translate and the few things I’ve picked up as I learn the language.

Also, I don’t know why I’ve never mentioned it before, but a huge song inspiration for the title of this fic (and some chapter titles) is Realize by Colbie Caillat.

Thank you so much to everyone who read, reblogged, replied, allofthethings, for this fic! I’m very proud of it and have loved writing and sharing this story with you. Your support means the world! Keep your eyes open for a new series announcement coming Sunday! ;)

Series Masterlist

Y/N —

Well, here’s a letter I never dreamed of writing. Having Milena, though, it’s changed everything. I look at my previous little girl and I want to give her the world. I’ve brought her into a scary world, and without a father to boot. I know, though, that she will have no shortage of family, love, and opportunities.

Thank God for my brother. Sebastian is a good man. I’m a better person for being his little sister. Being a mama on my own seems so much more possible with my family, especially him. I know that my baby girl will always have that father-figure in her life with him around. Can you just imagine him walking her down the aisle one day? She’s such a tiny thing now, but I can picture it perfectly in my head.

Part of protecting my daughter is making sure she is taken care of in the event that something happens to me. No shortage of family and love means there will be no shortage of people taking care of her, but I want it to be Sebastian. He’s going to think I’m crazy. My parents might not even understand. But I know, with every fiber of my being, that he is the best option to raise her if I’m not around. I can’t explain it beyond that — I just know. He will get her through my absence, get her through the toughest times in life. He will give her all of the love in the world.

Which is why I’m writing you. I’m honestly not sure who will have a harder time if something happens to me, Milena or Seb. You’re his best friend, and I can only pray that the two of you maintain that friendship — not for the benefit of this potential situation, but for his sake and yours. I can tell you now that I secretly hope the two of you will see the love you have for each other and let that come to fruition. Either way, Y/N, you have to be the one to guide him through all of this. He will be grieving, may not know the ins and outs of parenting, especially of parenting a little girl … have to admit, I’m laughing to myself thinking about him trying to do her hair or pick out outfits for her. He’ll figure it out, on his own or not, but I know the best choice for my brother, in so many ways, is you.

I’m having all of the legal documents sent to you, as well. You’ll be in a better place to handle all of this and make sense of it to Sebastian. He’ll handle my parents, but only if he’s in a good place. Help him find that good place. Please.

Whatever happens with the two of you … take care of each other. Take care of my little girl. Take care of Mom and Dad. I’ll be watching out for you.

— Irina

Philip set the letter to the side. Y/N had read it aloud to Sebastian when she first opened it, and they had read it countless times together, but hearing Philip read it aloud with all four of the grandparents present made the emotion new and raw. Even Tim and Anthony were brought to tears by the words. After a box of tissues was passed around, Philip continued.

“The legal documents sent have all been endorsed — they’re legitimate. I spoke with the lawyer Irina had draw everything up and put in charge of sending the letter and the papers out. News of her death didn’t reach him quite the way it was supposed to, which delayed everything being mailed, and then they sat in Los Angeles for a while, of course. She’s included copies of everything we need: Conor’s rights being signed away, copies of the emails they exchanged leading up to that, a last will and testament appointing complete guardianship to both Sebastian and Y/N. I know we want to avoid a hearing, so I’ll present these to the court, and we’ll go from there. I don’t see, though, with all of this, how anyone could give Conor any part in custody of Milena, including visitations.”

Alice sniffled. “We have told Conor that we won’t take part in his case. We love our son, but he has to face the consequences of his initial decision.”

Sebastian nodded his gratitude. “We’d like to make sure all of the grandparents are included on visitations in the final papers, but Y/N and I want to adopt her. We want to make her officially ours.”

“And everyone is in support of that?” Philip asked.

All four grandparents nodded their agreement, with enthusiasm and without hesitation. Philip explained the process going forward, promised to do his best to keep it out of the courtroom, and sent them on their way.

The remaining days that Milena was with Conor, Y/N and Sebastian worked to put the final details of her birthday party together. They visited the breeder and put a deposit on a puppy they could pick up on Milena’s birthday to surprise her with at her party. Y/N washed her bedding and found a couple more things to decorate with, and Sebastian worked on putting together the swings they had invested in but hadn’t gotten to setting up yet.

After that, there was nothing left to do but wait. With thirty-six hours to go, they decided it was okay to go out for a date night. They hadn’t been able to since they had opened up about their feelings and decided to make a real go of things, so they took the opportunity and went to dinner and a movie.

“I had a good time tonight,” Y/N said, leaning on his shoulder while they waited for the movie to start.

Sebastian smiled and kissed her forehead. “We’re only halfway through the evening, Bright Eyes.”

She shrugged. “I know, but I’m with you. That’s all I need.”

“Me too,” he agreed, hooking a finger under her chin to bring her lips to his as the lights in the theater began to dim.

By the time Milena’s birthday came around, life had fallen into a pleasant routine. The adoption wouldn’t be final for a couple of months, but that was more to do with court timelines than anything; one week with a little girl processing her mother’s death and a lot of other changes in a short time had been enough for Conor to know that parenting was not something he could handle. He dropped his end of the custody battle a couple of days later, allowing the family to move forward with their lives unhindered.

Milena’s night terrors continued, but were becoming less and less frequent. She was still seeing the psychologist once a week, and that seemed to be helping. She had even had an overnight with Georgeta and Anthony without any mishaps.

Sebastian left around lunchtime to go pick up Milena’s puppy, leaving the girls home to put the finishing touches on party decorations and make sure everything else was in order. Milena was in her birthday outfit, her hair was secured in a cute, curly ponytail, and she was jumping around like she’d already eaten an entire pan of cupcakes.

“Is it time yet, tanti?” she asked Y/N for the millionth time that day. [Tanti = Auntie]

Y/N chuckled and scooped Milena up in her arms. “Not yet, princess. Very soon, though.”

Milena groaned. “Can I call Gramma Alice and Bunica and ask when they’re coming?”

“You can call Gramma and Grampa,” Y/N offered, dialing the number and putting it on speaker before handing the phone to the now-three-year-old.

Thirty minutes later, all of the grandparents had arrived. They grinned at the little girl dancing around and showing them everything that was set up for the party. While Milena was kept busy, Y/N checked her watch and realized Sebastian should have been back by now. Frowning, she found her phone and stepped outside to call him.

“I’m just pulling up to the house, babe,” he answered.

She looked up and spotted him, so she smiled and waved. She waited there, anxious to get her hands on that puppy.

“Two puppies?” she exclaimed when Sebastian approached with a puppy in each hand. He carefully handed her a black and tan one, its little tail wagging faster than a hummingbird’s wings.

Sebastian kissed her hello, then stepped back. “I saw how you were eyeing that one when we put the down payment on Milena’s puppy. No reason both of my girls shouldn’t have a puppy.”

Y/N held the little creature close, tears welling in her eyes. “She’s so precious!”

“Why are you crying?” Sebastian chuckled, pulling her to his chest and kissing her again. “I didn’t know you’d be this excited!”

“I am excited,” she sniffled, “but it could also be the baby.”

Sebastian nodded, then his eyes went wide. “Baby?”

Y/N giggled through her tears. “I was gonna wait to tell you — found out at my doctor’s appointment the other day. I wasn’t expecting it at all, since it was just a yearly check-up, but since you and I haven’t been preventing anything, they wanted a test and it came back positive. I was going to wait to get through the party before I told you …”

Sebastian set down the puppy that was in his arms and grabbed up his wife, tears flooding his own eyes now. “I can’t believe this — I can’t … I can’t form words.”

Y/N grinned and wrapped her free arm around his neck. “You don’t think it’s too soon?”

He shook his head, taking her face in his hands. “From the moment I realized how long I’ve been in love with you, I knew we had a lot of time to make up for. I’d say we’re right on track.”

“Me too,” she grinned. “Let’s not tell everyone yet though, okay? One shock at a time.”

Sebastian nodded his agreement and looked around for the puppy he had set down. He was just corralling the little thing when Milena came out to the porch and saw what her Uncle Seb had brought home.

“Puppies!” she squealed clapping her hands and running toward Sebastian. “Can we keep them?”

“This one is yours,” Sebastian told her, handing the puppy over and guiding her on how to hold it safely. “Happy birthday, munchkin!”

“Thank you!” Milena said before peppering the puppy with kisses and then asking if she could go inside and show her grandparents.

Y/N opened the door with her free hand. “Let’s go!”

Sebastian took the door from her, allowing both girls to go in and show off their new pets. He stood back and let them have their moment. Watching his parents, his wife, his niece, and Alice and Tim, Sebastian felt a moment of sadness. His sister should have been here for all of this. He would always miss her, but the pain of it was still too fresh.

Seeing that Sebastian’s smile had fallen some, Y/N stepped in front of him and wrapped her arms around his middle. He hugged her back.

“She’s watching over us,” Y/N reminded him. “She said so herself.”

He leaned to kiss her. He knew that Y/N was right — after all, he was married to his best friend, would be able to raise his niece the way his sister would have wanted, and had a baby on the way. Without his sister watching over them, he wasn’t so sure all of this wouldn’t have passed him by.

“She did,” Sebastian grinned, “and I’d say today is perfect proof of that.”

AllOfTheThings: @captain-s-rogers @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @hurricanerin @horsesandbandsforlife @im-not-an-armrest-im-short @shynara51 @sea040561 @pinknerdpanda @xtina2191 @jackryanplz @beakami @heartsaved @fullprunerebelstatesman @blackwidowismyhomegirl @averyrogers83 @jennmurawski13 @connie326 @auriandthepussicats

IYJR: @elsatxx @tanelle83 @amanda-teaches @etherealwaifgoddess @kmuir1 @ntlmundy @jayankles @rebekahdawkins @denise1605 @rhadigen @peace-love-hobbitness @itsallyscorner @mizzzpink @auspiciousharriet @the-murder-strut-murdered-me @learisa @tellmewhatyouwill @katherinereid @lokilokilokilokilokiloki @itsmycorneroftheinternet @andreagf956 @voltage-my2dlove

#marvelfluffbingo2020 #sebastian stan #reader insert #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian x reader #queue and i remember budapest very differently

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thedivinefish · 4 years ago

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TGIWednesday and here's to new beginnings!

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And many happy returns to you and yours. This year has GOT to get better, at least that’s the direction I’ll be praying/fishing towards for sure. So many folks around the New Year make resolutions they’ll never keep. What are yours? I would encourage you to make them doable/reasonable goals so your success is more achievable and you don't set yourself up for disappointment. Like I plan on starting that new diet/exercise routine and getting in better shape. Sometimes saying, "I am going to lose 50 pounds by February 1st" can be daunting/unrealistic and just drop us into despair. Instead create softer goals like, "I am going to get back into a work out routine." "I plan on making every effort to eat cleaner, be nicer to others and allow more good fortune to find me!" You get the idea. Here’s to a better year of making best efforts to move every aspect of your life forward with grace and ease and we’ll be here to help/contribute to you and yours in every way that we can.

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divinefishingtips · 4 years ago

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TGIWednesday and here's to new beginnings!

TGIWednesday News

Also, here's a preview of the topic for the upcoming January Live Zoom Event scheduled for Wednesday the 27th. Theme: Clearing the Way for New Beginnings

TGIWednesday Download

From the Fish Box

Tampa Office Sessions

FRIDAY KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Live Radio Show Appearances

Watch hundreds of replays for FREE here in the archives: https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

The 30-day service is now being offered exclusively and you also have the option of selecting an ongoing subscription ($95/month) which is managed through PayPal only.

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! Click here to watch the Mastery video playlist

LEARN ABOUT CERTIFICATION HERE

TGIFunny

Forward

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.smbeconnected.com

Stay connected!

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365dailyaffirmations · 4 years ago

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TGIWednesday and here's to new beginnings!

TGIWednesday News

Also, here's a preview of the topic for the upcoming January Live Zoom Event scheduled for Wednesday the 27th. Theme: Clearing the Way for New Beginnings

TGIWednesday Download

From the Fish Box

Tampa Office Sessions

FRIDAY KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Live Radio Show Appearances

Watch hundreds of replays for FREE here in the archives: https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

The 30-day service is now being offered exclusively and you also have the option of selecting an ongoing subscription ($95/month) which is managed through PayPal only.

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! Click here to watch the Mastery video playlist

LEARN ABOUT CERTIFICATION HERE

TGIFunny

Forward

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.smbeconnected.com

Stay connected!

Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA

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advancedthetapractitioner · 4 years ago

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TGIWednesday and here's to new beginnings!

TGIWednesday News

Also, here's a preview of the topic for the upcoming January Live Zoom Event scheduled for Wednesday the 27th. Theme: Clearing the Way for New Beginnings

TGIWednesday Download

From the Fish Box

Tampa Office Sessions

FRIDAY KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Live Radio Show Appearances

Watch hundreds of replays for FREE here in the archives: https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

The 30-day service is now being offered exclusively and you also have the option of selecting an ongoing subscription ($95/month) which is managed through PayPal only.

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! Click here to watch the Mastery video playlist

LEARN ABOUT CERTIFICATION HERE

TGIFunny

Forward

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.smbeconnected.com

Stay connected!

Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA

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awkwardshanandagins · 7 years ago

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Well, shit, there goes my vision...

One step forward and two steps back. If you were to ask me to sum up my fertility journey in one sentence, that’s what how I would describe it. At least

up until this point. Every time we take a step in the right direction, the universe shoves me backwards. This past week it feels more like 300 steps backwards.

In May of this year, I had my second laparoscopy on my baby maker. I also had a procedure done called “ovarian drilling.” Sounds terrible, right? I figured while they were in there they might as well fuck shit up as much as possible. No but really, it’s about as bad it sounds. It’s a procedure in which they burn little holes into your ovaries. From what our fertility doc told us, this isn’t a commonly used practice but has been shown to help lower testosterone production and help with fertility but only temporarily. My understanding from the little bit I read about it is that us ladies with PCOS develop a hard outer shell around our ovaries in which burning the holes helps break that up. Somehow that hard outer shell makes it even more difficult for women with PCOS to get pregnant. Don’t quote me on this, I’m not a doctor, obviously. Well hopefully my hard outer shell is nice and shattered. I’ll stop using that term now, it’s only making me think of those little easter egg candies that are solid chocolate and have the hard outer shell. My favorite!!! Anyways, not the point.

Now that I’ve probably turned you off those easter egg candies forever, or at least gave you the gift of envisioning my ovaries while eating them, I’ll get back to my what I was saying.

Our plan was to have that surgery and attempt IUI, which is insemination (practically the turkey-baster method), once my doctor gave me the okay, unless we changed our minds to IVF which was quickly happening. My OBGYN is a kind older gentleman who takes his sweet, sweet time doing absolutely everything but I deal with the slowness because he’s the only one I’ve found who listens. As I’m sure so many already know, finding the right doctors is essential but usually super complicated. He told me I’d be good to start trying IUI at six weeks out from surgery. He suggested that once he “does his thing,” the fertility doc quickly start his part of this lovely process.

Depending on who you talk to you’ll get different information on whether laparoscopy actually improves fertility. My OBGYN is certain it will help my chances while my fertility doctor said it will have absolutely no effect whatsoever. My fertility doc actually suggested I don’t have the surgery at all and just go straight to IVF. He said the only reason to get a laparoscopy these days is for pain. Honestly, that was my main concern at this point anyways. I couldn’t go through the next several months of fertility treatments with the pain the endo has caused so I was going ahead with the surgery no matter what he said. This is when he suggested the ovarian drilling. He told me it was an easy procedure and I might as well have it done while my OBGYN is already in there burning the crap out of my insides (my words, not his). He said doing the drilling might give me better success with IUI if that was the route I was choosing.

So flash forward a few weeks and here we are. I see my OBGYN in two days to make sure everything is healed okay. If so, I’d be able to start the process for IUI or IVF. We were getting SO excited thinking within the next couple months we could finally be pregnant after 5+ years of trying. Of course, we know our chances with IUI are about that of a person with no fertility problems getting pregnant any given month but hey that’s a better chance than we’ve ever had before! Plus, we’re not ready to jump straight to IVF. I mean, dear lord have you seen how much that costs?!?!?! I f you aren’t to that point yet, I don’t mean to scare you but holy hell our babies are going to be expensive, ladies!! Also, what if we skip right to IVF and it doesn’t work? That’s our last resort. We have no other option at that point. If IVF doesn’t work, I won’t be carrying our child and that scares the shit out of me. So, we just aren’t there yet. We’ll take our chances on IUI and pray God will come through.

It’s funny how fast things can change. Here we are looking forward to FINALLY starting the process of HOPEFULLY getting pregnant and whammy, life kicks us in the balls.

I was at work last Wednesday, June 21st, just doing my thing, looking forward to a new promotion coming my way (a story for another day) when my vision changed suddenly. You know when you look at the sun for too long and you lose vision and see bright spots? That’s what happened, kind of. I started seeing funny out of my left eye, out of nowhere. One second I could see and the next second I couldn’t. I could see with both eyes open but when I closed my right eye whatever I looked at with my left eye disappeared. I was just missing a chunk of my vision. I could kind of make out things in my peripherals but anytime I would move my focus the dark orb would follow and envelop anything I was trying to look at.

I thought maybe I just looked out my window at the brightness a little too long so I gave it a few minutes to see if it would come back. I don’t even know if that’s a thing, but that was my first thought. It didn’t come back. I spoke to a coworker who told me about her ocular migraines and how what I was experiencing sounded similar to what she experiences. I took some advil thinking it would help this ocular migraine I was probably having and decided to wait it out. She told me for the 20 years she’s had them, they never last more than an hour. Great! I was already over an hour of not seeing but everyone’s different so I assumed it would pass quickly.

I’m a worrier. I make situations in my mind worse than they usually are. Probably from my fear of death which stems from losing my brother at such a young age, but we can psychoanalyze me later. First thought, tumor! I don’t know why, but tumor is my go-to. Weird ringing in my ear? Tumor. Headache? Tumor. Pinky toe hurts? Tumor!!! You see where I’m going with this. My other coworker, who was familiar with my tumor paranoia, assured me it was not a tumor and just a migraine. Deep down, I knew it was only a migraine, but who doesn’t like to be dramatic to spice things up in a boring office job?

It had been at least two hours with no vision so I thought I should make an appointment just in case. I’d rather know for sure it is an ocular migraine to bring my crazy brain some peace of mind. They could fit me in at 3:15 that day. It was only 11:00. Cool, four more hours I could sit around and panic. Just what a Wednesday needs! I sent my boss an email letting her know what was going on. At this point, I was certain she was sick of my shit. I had only been back a week and a half from my two week leave for surgery which I had not planned. Another story for a different time. I missed a lot of work with PCOS and endo (and always feeling like crap but never knowing why) and as understanding as she was, I knew she was probably thinking “dear lord Shanda, what is it this time?”

In talking to my coworker about my almost definite tumor, I remembered my mom had lost her vision in one eye quite a few years back, due to a blood clot. Oh cool, even better, now I have a blood clot on top of my tumor. I called my mom and she told me she had Central Retinal Artery Occlusion. Basically, she had a blood clot that burst and took her vision with it. This happened when she was 40 and she was now 65. Her doctor told her she was incredibly young to have that happen to her as it usually only occurs in people who are 60 or older. The good part, she had no pain. The bad part? Vision loss is permanent. That same coworker heard me on the phone talking (probably closer to shrieking) about a blood clot and IM’d me saying “you’re good.” Thank goodness for her. She keeps me grounded when I spiral out about all my tumors. She was overly confident it was just a migraine.

I got to the eye doctor and they immediately dilated my left eye so I’d be ready for the doctor by the time he was ready for me. My pupils are already huge, which every eye doctor always comments on like it’s some sort of weird compliment. Thank you, I grew them myself! So, when my eyes are dilated, they get enormous. I look like some sort of weird anime character. This time I looked like a weird anime character on drugs since it was only one pupil. It was fun staring at people in the waiting room, winking at them, making them uncomfortable.

When I met with the doctor, he said he originally thought from my symptoms that it was an ocular migraine. Ocular migraines do not last more than two hours usually so he was concerned it was something else. My retinas were still attached which was great news! That was actually my real fear since I’ve always been told I’m at high risk for retinal detachment which can cause permanent vision loss.

After all the tests, he mentioned it was apparent I was missing a big chunk of my vision in my left eye. Thank you, Dr. Obvious. He couldn’t see behind my eye to figure out the problem but expected it to be a Central Retinal Artery Occlusion. I had already forgotten the term from my mom telling it to me earlier. He explained it’s a blood clot and can cause permanent damage. He was referring me to a retina specialist. He told me before I left that if I wake up the next morning and could see, he would assume it was a retinal migraine. Still, he said, retinal migraines normally don’t last over 2 hours but anything is possible. I had hope! I was sure I’d see that next morning.

I tried so hard not to cry in front of him. I’m sure he saw the tears welting up in my eyes so I hurried out. While paying, I realized this was not covered by my eye “insurance” because it was considered medical and I should have gone to Kaiser. Wish they would tell you this shit up front! I had them fax my paperwork to Kaiser which led to a whole other mess of problems.

As soon as I got in the car, I lost it. The thought of permanently losing vision in one eye is awful. I realize things could be so much worse, but still, it felt like a huge loss. I called my husband on the way home and told him through my ugly crying that it might be permanent. In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have been driving with one eye, crying and talking on the phone. Have no fear! I am an excellent driver and hurt no one that day.

I talked to my mom later that night and asked her again what she had happen to her eye since I couldn’t remember all these damn words. I told her what they thought it was and that I was supposed to see a specialist the following day. She insisted on driving me. Probably a good call.

I wanted to try to go to work that next day so I didn’t piss off my boss but I woke up around 1:45 a.m. and my heart jumped because I remembered the doctor said if I “wake up and can see” it was just a migraine. I shot open my eyes like a creepy horror flick scene and realized I still could not see. I had a total meltdown. My poor husband, trying to sleep, and there I am shaking the whole bed from my convulsion like crying. I didn’t go back to sleep that night. I laid there feeling sorry for myself and grieving my vision loss as I was sure it was never coming back. I called and left a message for my boss that I wouldn’t be in. I didn’t care anymore at that point. I was sad and scared, mostly exhausted, but I just didn’t care if she was mad.

I impatiently waited for 8:30 when the optometrist’s office opened at Kaiser. They said they’d call me first thing in the morning after the eye doctor faxed the paperwork. They didn’t. Of course they didn’t. Why would they? I hate medical offices. They just dilly dally around as if nothing is ever a big deal. This is a big deal! This is a huge fucking deal to me! This affects the rest of my life. I called at 8:40. They didn’t have the paperwork. I immediately called the other doctor who said they already faxed it the night before but would do it again. Why do all doctor’s offices have to function this way? I have not met one person who has ever thought “easy breezy” is a good way to explain their experience with doctor’s offices.

About 30 minutes later I get a call from Kaiser. It was a young woman on the other end. She sounded sweet and innocent almost like a child, but boy did I want to punch that child once we hung up. She said the person who needed to review my file before letting me see a doctor would be in the next day and would contact me. She assured me she was quick and would call me early. Oh thank you, you little asshole! I’ll just sit here another day, without vision, possibly dying from a tumor, and wait for the “fast” lady to review my file. “NO.” I think I shocked her. How did this seem okay in her child like brain? Sudden loss or change of vision is considered an emergency and now they want to make me wait another day. How fucking dare they! They don’t know who they’re messing with, I will scream cry in all their stupid faces. She said there was someone else who could review my file. Why she didn’t just do that in the first place baffles me but it must be that child-like brain of hers that hasn’t fully developed. She calls me back and says I have to get all the same tests I already had done the night before since that doctor’s notes were “vague.” She wouldn’t let me see a specialist because “that’s the doctor’s recommendation ma’am.” I swear to God if it was possible, I would have reached through that phone and throat chopped the shit out of her. Fine. It’s better to see someone than no one at all. The appointment wasn’t until that afternoon. Fun! Another full day of sitting around obsessing about the tumor that was most assuredly taking over my brain.

I called my mom, ugly crying yet again. As you can tell, I was dealing with things very well. She told me she’d still pick me up and take me to that appointment and suggested for me to try to get some rest. Yeah right. A little later, my sister-in-law called me. She’s been a nurse for that past 7+ years. She validated my concerns. She told me this was an emergency and if Kaiser wouldn’t let me see a specialist, she was taking me to the ER. I HATE the ER! They make you sit and wait forever with people coughing and snotting all over themselves and then they just tell you to follow up with your doctor anyways. I told her I would have my mom take me to urgent care.

My mom called me a little later and told me she got in touch with my uncle who is pretty high up in Kaiser. He was angry they were not treating this as an emergency and told her to take me to urgent care. He also got me in touch with the head of the whole damn department who finally ended up getting me in with a specialist. It’s all about who you know. This whole ordeal took hours and I had to call the freaking head of the department in Washington D.C. just to get a damn appointment! Fuck you very much Kaiser.

I saw Dr. Miller that afternoon who, right off the bat, assured me it was very unlikely I had a Central Retinal Artery Occlusion. After all of the testing he informed me he thought I had what is called Optic Neuritis which is where the optic nerve connecting your eye to your brain becomes inflamed and obstructs your vision. Good news is, it’s likely my vision will return in 6-8 weeks. He said he could also treat me with a heavy dose of steroids which would help my vision come back sooner, but the steroids come with a lot of side effects. The last thing my moody-self needs is roid-rage. I felt a heavy weight lifted from my chest. I would get my vision back!!!!! He told me he wanted me to get a MRI just to be sure. The appointment was about over but I figured I’d throw one last question into the mix. How does optic neuritis happen? Does the nerve just randomly inflame? It’s almost as if he was trying to avoid giving me this information. He told me not to worry right up front. Smart! Every time you start a sentence with “don’t worry…BUT,” you know the person is going into full blown panic. Optic neuritis is the first sign of Multiple Sclerosis. The MRI would be able to show if I have lesions on my brain which would indicate MS. He said there’s a chance I don’t have MS but could develop it over time or I could already have it. “Try not to worry.” Sure. You just told a person who always resorts to worst case scenario that she has MS, but I’m sure worry is the last thing she’ll do. Pffft.

My family was all relieved until I threw in the fun news about possible MS. My sister and mom both tried to make me promise not to Google anything until I had the MRI and got the results. Ha! Yeah okay, like that’s going to work. I am a professional Web-MD’er. My mom took me home and I ugly cried one more time.

I waited maybe an hour before I was on Google frantically looking up MS. I’ve always heard the term but never really knew much about the disease. Going through the symptoms was like looking at a description of me the past few years. Everything was making sense. This was me! I already diagnosed myself with MS. I looked over at my husband who had been intently staring at his phone for awhile. He looked up and said “this is you.” I texted my sister to let her know I had in fact Googled the shit out of MS only to find out, she did too. She texted back and said “I think you’ve had this for years.” Eventually, my mom texted and agreed, this all sounded like what I had been dealing with for years.

It feels like in a matter of seconds, my life changed. I know I had no diagnosis yet and there was a very real chance I didn’t have MS, but I was convinced I did. I had to schedule my MRI for the following week on Tuesday. It was only Thursday. What a fun weekend I was going to have! There is no way I wouldn’t worry about something like this even though my doctor told me not to. I thought about it all weekend. I called in Friday as well and cried and Googled all day. Like I said, I was really dealing with this well. I wanted to prepare myself for what I was certain was coming my way.

The good news about MS is it’s completely manageable. I got to a point over the weekend where I was at peace with the idea of having it. At least I would finally have an answer to why I’ve felt like shit for so long. It would assure me that I have not been crazy this whole time and I’m not just a hypochondriac as my family would always joke about. Going to the doctor and constantly being told nothing is wrong with you really has a way of making you look and feel like a crazy person. MS would take that away. I wasn’t a crazy person, I was a person with MS. Not only am I a person with MS, I’m also a person with PCOS and endometriosis. Sheesh, that’s a lot on a body. No wonder I felt like crap all the time. There was nothing for me to do at this point but sit and wait.

I have been an emotional wreck since last Wednesday night. My moods are crazier than ever and I’ve cried so much I really don’t know how there is any fluid left in my body. Tuesday, my husband took me to get the MRI. Thank God I had my doctor prescribe me some anxiety meds. MRIs are really not that much fun. The first ten minutes were the worst. I had the most irrational fear while I was in there. I’m back to thinking I’m a crazy person. I was worried some sort of disaster was occurring while I was in the machine and the lady doing my MRI was no longer there. She left me in this machine which would never stop running and I would be stuck in forever! I thought my head was strapped down and I was certain there was no way for me to escape. She had put a wash cloth over my eyes so I wouldn’t be able to look around and panic, which was helpful, but I also now could not plan my escape route, if in fact the zombie apocalypse was occurring at that exact moment. Luckily, she pulled me out to put dye in my IV. I told her I was worried about being stuck and she informed me I could just wiggle my way out of the machine. I’m so dumb sometimes. Where do I come up with these crazy scenarios? The second half of the MRI was fine. I actually relaxed and let the vibrations soothe me a bit.

Now comes the worst part, waiting. She said my doctor would get the results in 3-5 days! It feels like an eternity and I’m now only on day two. I’m trying to keep my mind and body busy while I wait but have I told you how amazing I am at multitasking? I can be busy and STILL think about all this crap. As of yesterday afternoon, I have even more time on my hands to obsess. My boss sat me down yesterday morning and convinced me to take some time off. She’s seen me around work, tripping, running into walls, crying and just looking like complete death. She knows I’ve been struggling and that I feel terrible both physically and mentally, it’s really not that hard to see. My eyes are sunken and almost always filled with tears and I just stumble around like a drunk person bashing into things and knocking everything over. It’s actually a little complicated to get used to only one eye. I was a clumsy disaster before losing my vision, it has only intensified.

I am thankful she talked me into taking time off. It was something I knew I needed but I wasn’t willing to admit. I’ve always worked really hard at my job and I take pride in my accomplishments. Admitting that I wasn’t up to the task was almost physically painful for me. I know God had a role in this. He saw I needed a break and that I wouldn’t do it myself so he forced me into it. My boss would not have taken no for an answer. Back to FMLA, hopefully. I’m still waiting to hear if it’s approved and I just recently applied for short term disability. This is all very surreal. This is not how I saw my 30th birthday going. Oh did I mention, my birthday was a month and half ago? It’s been awesome. So far I’ve gone to the ER in New Orleans, had surgery, was forced into taking more time off than I expected to, lost my vision in my right eye and now might have MS. Solid start to my thirties.

I have to say, through all of this, I have been extremely blessed. I have the absolute best support system anyone could wish for. My family is amazing. My husband, my parents, my sister…they’ve all been there for me every step of the way. They’ll let me cry on the phone and bitch for as long as I need. They reassure me and lift my spirits consistently. My sister-in-law has been so supportive as well as my close friends. We all need support at certain times in our lives. This is that time in my life.

Needless to say, IUI/IVF has been put on hold. As devastating as it is, there is no way my body can carry a baby right now. So many things are still unknown. We will get there someday. We are determined to have a child and I cannot wait to hold my baby in my arms. Until then, we will wait as patiently as possible and continue to pray.

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nathynoir313 · 7 years ago

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Finding Home, Chapter 3: Timing and Nightmares

Also Available on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12652419/chapters/28901055

“There now, steady love. So few come and don’t go. Will you, won’t you… Be the one I’ll always know? When I’m losing my control, the city spins around. You’re the only who knows, you slow it down.”

( Look After You – The Fray )

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iYOOuJLuaY

Running.

Marinette had never done that amount of running on her entire life. Looking back at memories and old sensations as her frantic mind tried to dig into past experiences for possible solutions, she recalled a time when both her and Adrien were trying to catch the school bus, as they both were late for school, and that was about it. No occasion of the sort occurred to her. Nothing that could help her, nor make her feel safe.

Her lungs burned from the effort of running for so long. And her calf muscles were nearly making her collapse to the ground. Her whole body had a layer of sweat, and she was afraid that her heartbeat was audible through the eerie silence that took over that specific part of town.

At least on the bus incident, she was with Adrien. Now she was alone. Alone and so, so scared. She had never feared so much in her dear life. Turning inside an alley, she cornered herself behind some cardboard boxes, shrinking to occupy as little space as possible considering she was an average 21 year old.

None of it should have happened. The sound of footsteps in the distance let her whole body in an instance of wariness. Please…don’t let…I can’t…Just…W-why?

Her shadow caused her fear, the dripping sound of something leaking somewhere made her shiver. This was the worst day of her life. And her own burning hell began because she tripped over someone’s foot. All happy thoughts, memories or glimpses of kind green eyes were replaced with fear in its purest form.

2 hours earlier…

She had forgotten about Luke’s designs, it was Friday night, and it only occurred to her that she was missing something when her eyes met the sticky note on her drawer, with big, capital letters “LUKE’S DESIGNS, FRIDAY 8:30pm”. Turning wide-eyes to look at her table clock, she jumped from her chair.

21:25 pm the clock told her silently. I totally forgot about Luke’s designs! And I’ve already told Adrien that I would have to stay at work ‘till later tonight. And I still have to tell Adrien about…oh no. I need to get there on time! The people who invited him to the Physics Congress told us he’d need to reply today, and he has probably forgotten, and then he’s going to miss his flight ticket and traveling package! And- Barely taking time to turn off the lights, and get her work bag, Marinette shot straight to the elevator, slamming the button to get out of the building. As speeding through the doors of the entrance hall, she quickly typed an email reply to Luke

“Hey Luke, this is Miss Dupain-Cheng.

I got held up with work in the office, and didn’t see time pass! I have an appointment this weekend, and I won’t be at the building on Monday. Can we reschedule to Tuesday? I’ll make sure to let my assistant know. Also, don’t forget to email me the sketches before Tuesday, so I can talk to you about my observations.”

Pressing send, she was about to call Adrien, at the same time the pedestrian’s sign turned green. The call went to voice message, and she was annoyed. She missed the appointment with her student, and now Adrien wouldn’t pick up the phone. He had only … Looking at her wrist watch to check the time, her eyes widened again.

21:37

They told them that he’d need to confirm his attendance until 22:30! It was one of the most important events of the year for him. It was the end of the term, though, and Adrien was running around like crazy, and probably forgot to reply. I’ll make sure to buy him some sticky notes, though. I can’t be the one who reminds him of everything!

Marinette was so focused on the little chaos going on inside her head, that she totally missed the stressed looking guy in the shadows from the other side of the street. She missed when he crossed the crosswalk, and totally didn’t notice when he got to the sidewalk, running full face into him, making him drop the pile of papers carefully stacked, tightly held in his hands. It had started to rain. The papers got all wet, and some people stepped on them as they passed.

Paying attention to her whereabouts, Marinette was mortified to see the mess she made. When it was her, and her stuff, she could take care of it.

“I’m so sorry sir! Please let me pay you to print them again, I’m truly sorry. My name’s Marinette, I can give you my phone, or I can go with you to print it in a store somewhere around here.” The man wore an expensive looking suit, and had his hair slicked back, and a severe look.

“Get your hands off of it! You’ve done enough. Now leave. Leave before you ruin anything else.” The young woman was shocked, but respected the man’s wishes. Nodding once, totally embarrassed and sad, she left slowly, pretending she didn’t hear the cursing and didn’t feel the cold stare on her back coming from the man.

She missed when he turned to another street, that one deserted, and was met by a purple butterfly, and a malicious grin adorning the newest akuma’s face.

Sadly, this akuma was different. He didn’t attack anyone who randomly appeared on his path. Turns out the man was a famous psychiatric, who was running late for a lecture on how to help people who suffer from trauma. He was so mad that his whole presentation and work had gotten wet and dirty, and that the silly girl hought she could fix it, that he totally lost his grasp on his emotions. He now called himself Nighmare.

If his name wasn’t suggestive enough, his sole purpose was to get Marinette stuck inside her worst nightmares, fears and insecurities. He would be able to lock her into her own mind. It would only take… stopping his thoughts, he paid attention to the sounds. He heard someone approaching from the other side of the sidewalk. A bluenette. Head hanging low, and barely succeeding on covering her head with her jaquet under the pouring rain, she looked pretty miserable.

“Marinette” he growled. The hatred and fury on Nightmare’s tone made her turn to look, and that was enough. The akuma’s blank, cold and deadly stare met the young woman’s. Her bluebell eyes lost their spark. Her face paled to a sick, white tone. Her dull eyes were frantic.

Nightmare didn’t want anything but to accompany Marinette’s misery and despair. The realization that he could watch as the girl suffered from an inside out turmoil felt pretty pleasant. It was a little too much even to Hawkmoth, but he did nothing to stop. So, sitting by to watch, he accompanied closely as the girl started to run.

She ran as though her life depended on it. The devilish grin on Nightmare’s face grew bigger. And he laughed loudly. Watching the girl, and easily keeping up with her, taking long strides not to lose her from sight. The rain only got thicker, the droplets falling hard from the dark grey clouds.

On the present moment (2 hours later)

If Marinette had stopped running, it was only because she had found a way to hide herself from whatever was pursuing her. She had never felt so scared, and so alone. And what made her even more terrified was that she couldn’t remember. On the back of her mind, something told her to focus on someone. Aside from a flash of green and yellow, and black, she couldn’t join the pieces of the puzzle. So she just kept huffing for air, trying to avoid the sound of the droplets falling hard around her, the shadows from the street, and the fear that was swelling up on her chest.

Tikki thought they were going home. Marinette had to remind Adrien of the congress, and she had forgotten about her appointment to see Luke’s designs. The kwami was taking a nap, so she only noticed that something was wrong, when she heard a growling voice calling Marinette, and when she felt the girl’s reaction to run. She peeked at her chosen from the purse’s side, and she felt an odd presence. The blank stare on Marinette’s face just confirmed her suspicions. Her chosen had been hit by an akuma. Tikki tried to call Marinette, repeating the girl’s name over and over again, but she didn’t seem to be able to hear her.

In the approximate two hours since she’d been taken prisoner to her own mind, she’s stopped only five times, hiding in alleyways for some minutes before running. It was raining cats and dogs, but it seemed that her chosen feared even the rain in that very instant. On her sixth stop, she didn’t get up. She sat near some cardboard boxes, and simply shivered, trembled, and shut her eyes, trying to escape the fears that tormented her mind. Loneliness, losing her loved ones, feeling completely powerless. The tears rolled freely down her face, mingling with the rain droplets. Tikki was extremely worried, because when Marinette cried, she couldn’t contain the sobs that usually erupted from her. Now, adding to her dull eyes, the girl had gone completely silent. Her face expressed fear, but not a single cry for help, nor a scream escaped her chosen’s lips.

I have no other option. I must find Adrien. He needs to destroy this akuma, I’m not sure how long it will take until Marinette’s body collapses…neither do I know how much longer her mind can endure her fears…

Noticing the Akuma’s silent approach, nearly reaching the alley, Tikki zipped from Marinette’s purse as quickly as she could. Turning back one last time before she actually left her chosen’s side, she prayed silently that she could be fast enough. She had to be.

Desperate to get help as quick as possible, Tikki sent a message, connecting her mind to Plagg’s. It was the fastest way to get Adrien ready, so they could get back to Marinette as quickly as possible. The ladybug kwami’s reassurance came from knowing that as far as it came to identity, her Ladybug was safe. For now. She had to make sure it remained as it was.

Plagg! Marinette is in trouble. She’s not transformed. The Akuma got to her before she could do so. She’s in trouble. Get Adrien ready! NOW.

on ao3: CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2

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#mlb fic finding home

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awesome-seniorleads-blog · 6 years ago

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Branding Yourself: A Waste of Money for Small Business and Solopreneurs | financial advisor leads

You read a lot of articles about the importance of branding yourself to gain clients. These articles are written and inspired by people who want to sell you branding services such as brochures, social media services, and public relations. The problem with personal branding is that you can spend a ton of money and earn nothing from it.

What's a far more effective and financially smart way to grow your business?

You want to focus your business marketing on direct response activities. Direct Response means that:

· You always ask the prospect to respond to your marketing

· You can always measure the result and profitability of a campaign

With direct marketing, you can immediately see your return on investment. You invest a dollar and you immediately known if you're getting a response. There are no wasting thousands of dollars and then praying for a result. You get the result immediately. We've done direct marketing for over 20,000 clients since 2003. It works and you can read the proof.

So rather than invest thousands of dollars to brand yourself, an activity that may never pay off, would it make more sense to try direct marketing for under $200 and see the results before you invest more? I will provide plenty of tips on how to create profitable direct marketing campaigns.

Professionals Financial Advisors new to marketing make the mistake of taking their cues from big business to so-called marketing experts. Don’t market or advertise your services as big businesses do as your context is not the same. The main issues focus on the difference between “push and pull” and “branding.”

Brand Yourself After You’ve Exhausted Direct Marketing Options

If you serve a community of fixed size, you could exhaust your opportunities for direct marketing. You can only bombard the same audience a limited time before direct marketing activities become excessive and ineffective. But until you've exhausted your direct marketing work, there is no need to have a known identity or reputation for great success.

Push and Pull

Large companies use the “pull” method of marketing. General Motors runs ads to make their cars look enticing to pull you into the dealership to take a test drive. Intel advertises “Intel inside” to have you come to the computer dealer and ask for an Intel machine. This type of advertising, to be effective, requires A LOT of money. You don’t have that much. You cannot run full page ads in your daily newspaper day after day to generate sufficient business. Even if you did, it would be a very inefficient use of your money.

For your context, you want to “push” people to you. “Push” technologies include

· Cold calls

· Seminars

· Direct Mail

· Telemarketing

· Direct Response

· Print advertising

· Radio and TV

Notice that pull marketing is passive: the advertiser runs the ad and hopes for something to happen. Push marketing does not leave things to chance. You make direct contact with the prospect and push them into action with a time-urgent appealing offer. The cost of this marketing is lower than pull marketing and more effective.

Direct Response vs. Branding Yourself

When you attempt branding yourself with an ad in the newspaper, the seller will always tell you that you cannot measure results directly because you don’t know how many people saw your ad and the “cumulative build up” of name recognition. This is an argument to keep you advertising and the seller making a commission.

If instead, you run a direct response ad, an ad offering a free booklet “Six Strategies to Cut Taxes Your CPA Never Mentioned,” you can count the number of calls you get which further leads to Financial Planning Leads. You can now calculate your cost per prospect, factor in your conversion rate to clients and then calculate your cost and profit per new client to determine the profitability of this ad campaign.

Consider that direct response marketing provides a branding benefit anyway. So why invest money branding yourself and not ask the prospect to take action? General Motors spends a lot of money on television ads showing you their cars. They could increase profitability by including a call to action such as, "Register at GM.com by xx/xx/xx. If you buy and if we offer a lower price anytime during the next 12 months, we'll give you a rebate." GM could then market to these folks by email, direct mail or have dealers’ phone the prospect. Why ever try branding yourself and not include a call to action?

Use push not pull. Forget about branding yourself and make direct response your mantra.

Direct Response Examples

The Free Report

One of the most widely used, mentioned above, is the free report. You can use this same tactic for any business. A well-known marketer, Joe Polish, used it to distinguish is carpet cleaning business above all others. Rather than run an ad in the phone book or classifieds (this was pre-Internet), Joe offered a free report "The 7 Insider Secrets -- Know Before You Hire a Carpet Cleaner." He had a phone number on the offer. People would call. He would automatically capture their phone number (caller id can capture 100% of phone numbers when the caller dials a toll-free number) and address.

Joe could then follow up by calling, sending the report with a coupon, drip emails, etc. This is the way a business can grow with limited resources.

Seminars

Seminar Here's another example. I have seen seminars used successfully by a real estate agent and have done over 200 seminars to build my business as a financial advisor. The steps are simple:

· rent a list of your target market (in my case, people age 60+ in specific zip codes)

· send an invitation (the invitation must obey certain rules to be compelling)

· people call to reserve a seat

· you give an informative and entertaining presentation

· 2/3 of attendees set an appointment with you (when you offer the right type of appointment)

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Direct Mail

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brentrogers · 5 years ago

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Domestic Violence During Lockdown: How to Cope and Stay Safe

For victims of domestic violence, the pandemic has made day-to-day life incredibly difficult. Prior to social distancing, shelter-in-place orders, and business closures, victims could at least get a break from their abusers by going to work, taking a walk, or running errands. They could safely use a library’s computer to learn about domestic violence resources and seek support.

According to Carol A. Lambert, LICSW, a psychotherapist and intimate partner abuse expert, these mandates “play into an abuser’s playbook of entrapment.”

It’s harder than ever to find a bit of freedom and privacy, said Tasseli McKay, a social science researcher who examines intimate partner violence in marginalized communities at the nonprofit research institute RTI International.

Victims are cut off from their support systems, said Christine E. Murray, Ph.D., LCMHC, LMFT, director of the Center for Youth, Family, and Community Partnerships at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro.

If they’ve been laid off or their income reduced, victims might become “more financially dependent on their abuser, which may add to their fears about leaving their abuser or otherwise taking steps toward safety,” Murray said.

Abusers also might use the coronavirus to further manipulate and control their partners, said Allison Crowe, Ph.D, LPC, NCC, ACS, an associate professor and program coordinator for the Counselor Education Program at East Carolina University. For example, they might withhold access to supplies like hand sanitizer, not allow a victim to schedule a doctor’s appointment, or hide their insurance cards, she said.

Another concern is that the pandemic has led some prisons to release inmates early. McKay’s research has found that a partner’s return from prison can be a particularly dangerous time for abuse survivors.

Moreover, all experts agreed that pandemic-related stressors, such as unemployment, financial concerns, school closures, and other lifestyle changes can heighten abusive behavior.

While the pandemic has exacerbated the situation for victims of domestic violence, there are still many helpful things you can do to cope and stay safe.

Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Lambert noted that the Hotline provides referrals to local helplines, resources, and support groups for women, men, LGBTQ, and all cultures. It’s staffed with trained expert advocates who are available 24/7 and speak over 200 languages. You can call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or use their online chat.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline lists these additional resources:

The National Sexual Assault Hotline is 24/7, confidential, and free: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) and through chat.

The StrongHearts Native Helpline for domestic/sexual violence is available 7 a.m.-10 p.m. CT, confidential, and specifically for Native communities: 1−844-762-8483.

The Trans LifeLine for peer support for trans folks 9 a.m.-3 a.m. CT: 1-877-565-8860. This hotline is staffed exclusively by trans operators is the only crisis line with a policy against non-consensual active rescue.

The Deaf Hotline is available 24/7 through video phone (1-855-812-1001), email, and chat for Deaf, DeafBlind, DeafDisabled survivors.

All of these websites have emergency exit buttons if you need to exit quickly.

Develop a safety plan. All the experts stressed that creating a safety plan is critical. “A well-crafted safety plan can help identify strategies for decreasing safety risks and planning ahead to respond to unsafe situations,” said Murray.

For example, she said, your plan might include a code word for your loved one to contact the police in an emergency. You can also develop a code word with your kids to leave and get help, Crowe said.

For people who’ve left their abusers, a safety plan can include changing the locks, saving a certified copy of a restraining order, and asking neighbors you trust to look for any suspicious activity, she said.

You can learn more about writing up a safety plan at the National Domestic Violence Hotline website.

Check out safety planning apps. McKay noted that there are many apps on the market that are specifically designed for domestic violence victims. DomesticShelters.org, an online directory of domestic violence programs and shelters in America and Canada, lists the pros and cons of three such apps in this post (from 2016). This post from the National Network to End Domestic Violence includes tips for finding the right app for you, along with links to reviews.

Don’t blame yourself. “Abusive partners rarely take responsibility for their abuse and blame their partner for ‘causing’ them to be abusive,” said Lambert, author of the book Women with Controlling Partners: Taking Back Your Life from a Manipulative or Abusive Partner.

Over time, you start to believe that it is your fault. Lambert stressed the importance of recognizing that we can’t cause someone to be abusive or to cause them not to abuse. To get back some control, she said, make the internal shift to hold your partner responsible.

Use empowering self-talk. According to Crowe, instead of telling yourself something like: “I can barely get through the day,” you might say, “I’m doing the best I can,” or “I am taking it one day at a time.” Instead of saying, “Social distancing is impossible,” she suggested telling yourself, “Social distancing is difficult, but necessary.

In other words, try to reframe your thoughts so they’re helpful, effective, and supportive.

Offset cruel comments. You might internalize the awful things your partner says to you regularly—like believing you’re stupid. Instead, Lambert encouraged readers to tell themselves “Just because [they] call me stupid, doesn’t mean I am stupid.” This helps to “keep a protective shield between you and the other person.”

Similarly, she noted that abusers typically attack their partner’s strengths because they threaten their power. Instead, aim to “embrace your strengths.”

Take care of yourself. This can include practicing yoga, meditating, praying, and eating nutrient-rich foods, Crowe said. Lambert suggested doing a simple breathing exercise throughout the day: “Start by inhaling through your nose, pause, and then slowly exhale through your mouth—do four or five times.”

According to Murray, “It’s a good idea to develop a wide range of coping strategies so that you can have different coping tools to help in different situations.”

Stay connected. If your partner is monitoring or limiting your technology use, take a walk and bring your phone with you to call loved ones (or look up resources), Lambert said. If you think your partner will check your history, “be sure to delete your calls and internet activity.”

Crowe suggested buying a pay-as-you-go phone, which can’t be tracked (and you can hide when you’re not using). Also, consider opening a new email account for any kind of safety planning or support, she added.

If you’re a survivor of domestic violence, the pandemic and its related social isolation can re-trigger your trauma, Murray said. Which is why it’s important to practice healthy coping and self-care strategies. See the Triumph Campaign, co-founded by Murray and Crowe, offers a variety of supportive resources for survivors of past abuse. You can also join their Facebook community at this link.

If you’re the loved one of a victim who might be in danger, McKay suggested asking yes-or-no questions, such as: “Can you talk openly about this from where you are right now? Do you want me to help you come up with some options? Is text a safe way of sharing some information?” She also underscored being careful about texting or emailing resources unless the person has said it’s safe.

The pandemic has created unique challenges for victims of domestic violence. But help is absolutely available. Contact any of the above resources, and if you’re in immediate danger, please call 9-1-1.

Domestic Violence During Lockdown: How to Cope and Stay Safe syndicated from

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erraticfairy · 5 years ago