#WHY are some people still so mad that i said loving things is nice

[wordfather]

the true tumblr experience is when your post, with a normal opinion, gets too many notes and suddenly to 10 strangers on the internet you should be stoned in the town square

[dunmesh]

okay i don't have anything smart to add i just genuinely love that these seemingly trivial jokes are actually an important part of his character. we see it throughout the entire manga, how he pushes aside his own frustration and discomfort to accommodate everyone else's and avoid needless confrontation- another example off the top of my head would be the barometz chapter in which he slowly gets frustrated with izutsumi but still tries his best to talk some sense into her calmly and soundly.

and in contrast, there are very few times he expresses his anger and hurt towards others, and it usually takes a lot for him to finally lose his patience and control.

i mean, even with kabru he tried to be polite despite the circumstances until the guy said the one thing that triggers an immense sense of shame, hurt and rage in laios. and you know, the manga does say it quite clearly early on. when we are introduced to namari and then to shuro, laios acts all friendly and shows his respect and trust in them despite how things ended between them, and everyone else gets frustrated with him for acting so strange- why are you the one who tries so hard to pacify the rest when you should be the angriest?

and they don't understand him. they don't know him well enough to be able to understand, but we as readers get to see during the manga that they aren't wrong to question him- he does, in fact, feel all those ugly emotions. and it's when the winged lion finally confronts him that we see to what extent these feelings he buried so deep go, and suddenly all those funny little moments where he sometimes pretends to be mr nice guy speak volumes about his character. honestly, ryoko kui is a master at using jokes in order to define important character traits and this one doesn't fail to amaze me.

and laios's hatred and rage and deep scars he can't get over aren't shown explicitly during most of these moments i mentioned before, but now you realize there are 26 years of emotional baggage to all of them and they sting. he is angry but he can't say shit, what difference would it make? it won't make his friends choose him instead of themselves when he needed them most, and it won't help his party get any farther. of course, this logic doesn't apply to them- they are absolutely allowed to get angry and it's fine to get mad at him, he can take that.

so after finishing the series it's so clear that he tries his best to avoid clashing with others not just due to the current circumstances and him needing to be a reliable leader but also because he knows that people don't even like him when he tries to show his good sides and hide all the rest, so who the hell would tolerate his rage and despair? who would stay after realizing that he is so deeply flawed he doesn't even like his own being?

but he does get mad. he can't help it, and sometimes it gets out of control and now everyone knows. and it's funny, isn't it? that most of those moments ended up bringing him closer to others. shuro admitting he is envy of him and actually becoming the friend laios thought he was all along, fighting for his sake and waiting for him to come back- believing in him even after he turned into a monster and searching for him the way he couldn't bring himself to do for falin when he learned of what became of her- or kabru being pushed to just let it all out because he couldn't bluff his way out of this one and get to laios any other way, so now they are even. they are both horribly honest with each other and they both choose to stay. a weird way of getting to know each other, but it is what it is.

it's simply... the more laios let himself just be, the deeper his relationships grew. and there's intimacy in being your ugly, weak and furious self around someone and them not leaving you. feeling safe enough to let it be known you are hurt and angry. and he knows that now, too.

[miley1442111]

fix it together- a.hotchner

a/n: i imagined a fem reader but as per usual, imagine what you like :) thank you guys for all the love on the first part of this!!!!

please don't read if you have emetophobia!!!!

summary: aaron said some horrible things. He's trying to fix it, right?

pairing: husband! aaron hotchner x wife! reader

warnings: mad angst, aaron is so mean, reader believes she is a bad mother, heartbreak, feelings of disappointment, reader is pregnant, talks of pregnancy, talks of vomiting and morning sickness, happy ending :)

part 1- fix it.

Aaron

The last few weeks had been… tense. Going back to work was fine and we still acted like a couple, don’t get me wrong. Yet, everything felt disgustingly different. The gifts hadn’t been working. The dates hadn’t been working. Every second of my days were spent thinking over what I’d said on that horrible night. Did I ask for an annulment? What was I thinking? I love you more than anything, I want you forever. Since the first date I’d known you were my girl, my forever girl. Every night I’ve been trying to make it clear to you that I want you. That I think you’re a good mother. Even the nights you'd stayed at Penelope's.

After Jack's birthday, you'd gone to Penelope's for 3 nights, I only saw you during the day at work, and even then you didn't look at me, let alone speak to me. You came home because you missed Jack.

Since then, you’ve been distant, focusing on work, or Jack more often than not. So I decided something. 

I made all the distractions go away. Jack went off to his cousin's house, and I pulled us out of work for a full week, much to Strauss’s annoyance. Only thing is that I hadn’t told you. 

Well, this better work. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Honey?” I cleared my throat, still groggy from waking up a few minutes prior. You weren’t in bed, you’d recently stopped our regular 5 minutes of hazy cuddling as we both wake up. My third favourite part of the day. My second favourite being when you come to me at 2:07pm everyday at work and give me a kiss, my first favourite being the kiss and hug you give me at the end of the day, just after tucking Jack in. All three had stopped in recent weeks.  

“Yeah?” You called from the bathroom, doing your regular morning routine. 

“I called us out of work,” I yawned and heard your quickened footsteps, then you appeared in front of me. You looked so beautiful, as always. A random and oversized t-shirt and a pair of shorts that left little to the imagination. I started to sweat just thinking about it. 

“What? Why?! We have people who need our help, we have cases-” You started rambling as I got up and cupped your face, kissing you. 

“Because I need you. I need you to be you again,” I whispered against your lips, hoping this would work. “So we’re going to have a nice few days, yeah? Today we have your appointment and we’ll have another talk. Then we can just relax for the rest of the week.”

“The week?” you stressed and I rolled my eyes, kissing you again. Your lips were so perfect. You’d brushed your teeth, not that I mind your morning breath. Not that I mind anything about you. 

“Please,” I was begging and I wasn’t even ashamed. “Please honey,” I wrapped my hands around your waist, trying to persuade you. 

“Aaron-”

“Don’t call me Aaron,” You’d stopped calling me the usual ‘baby’ or ‘darling’, or my favourite ‘love’. “Please. I want to be normal again. I don’t want this distance, I adore you more than anything.”

I could tell you felt conflicted. I hurt you. I know I did. 

“Aaron,” another stab to my heart. “Fine, we’ll take this week off, and we can… talk.”

“Thank you my love,” I smile, pressing kisses along your exposed collarbone. You chuckled. I’d missed your laughter. I’d missed you.

“Ok baby, come on, I need to shower,” you giggled against me and I could feel my heart mending. Baby. I couldn’t stop the grin on my lips. I let go of you, but not before kissing you again. My perfect wife. 

“Can I join?” I smirked, and you scoffed. 

“Don’t push your luck Hotchner,” You chuckled. This was it. This is what it used to be. Flirty, loving, and fun. Before I ruined everything. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You

Forgiving Aaron was the easy part. Worrying if every parenting decision was the right one, was pure agony. 

Is it wrong to say that like that? Should I have done this a different way? Was that right?

And your brain’s personal favourite: 

What would Haley have done? 

You were beating yourself up about it all for the past few weeks. You felt you had ruined Jack’s birthday with your own insecurities, since he’d asked if you were alright the day after.

Telling Jack you were pregnant was a highlight from the past few weeks. He was ecstatic to find out he’d be getting a little sibling. He already wanted to meet them and he understood that there would be times where either of you wouldn’t be able to play with him when his sibling arrived. 

Aaron had been grovelling to the highest degree. Flowers once a week, date nights, house chores, taking paperwork from you so you don’t need to do it, getting any and all pregnancy cravings, and helping you deal with all your morning sickness and migraines. 

It was maddening. You were going to go insane if you weren’t careful. 

Yet, you felt like every second of every day was spent thinking about your parenting choices and just wondering if having another baby was even a good idea. Would your new child even like you? Would this ruin your relationship with Jack? What was going to happen when they grow up? Did Aaron really think your parenting is terrible? 

Ok, so maybe you haven’t forgiven him just yet. Or at all. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You lay back in bed, a book in hand as Aaron pressed a soft kiss to your shoulder. You stared at the words on the page, trying to make sense of them when your brain was so clouded. Your levels of anxiety had risen greatly, which you both knew was not good for your baby. Aaron had been trying to lift some of the stress off your shoulders with his constant doting, but you knew that the stress was Aaron. From the moment you woke up to the minute you fell asleep, you felt like you were putting up a show. Being the perfect wife, perfect (probably shitty, you thought anyway) mother, perfect agent. It was exhausting. You wanted to go back to before, back to when you didn’t have to pretend everything was alright. 

You pushed him off you and lay on your side, a regular occurrence. Aaron felt dejected. He’d hurt you so badly, and he didn’t know what to do to fix it. 

“Baby?” he spoke into the room. 

“Yes Aaron?” You answered. 

“Do you still love me?” He asked in a small voice. He felt raw and full of emotion. Honestly, he was terrified of the answer. 

“Do I still love you?” You scoffed. “I think I should be the one asking that. You were the one mentioning getting an annulment.”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that… I was just-” He tried but you shot out of bed, staring at him with an anger in your eyes he could only describe as animalistic. 

“ 'You just' what Aaron? What?!” You squealed, all the emotions that you’d let build up, coming out at once. “I’ve been trying to be a good wife, to be a good mother for the past 4 fucking years Aaron. I have been that for you, I have been that for you and Jack, and I’m so happy to do it because I love the both of you more than anything! And all I ask in return is that you love and respect me! That is what you promised me on your wedding day! You didn’t fucking do that. You threw our marriage under the bus and compared me to your ex wife, the second you got slightly stressed. I’m sure Haley did a much better job than me Aaron, I’m sure she did! But I’m here Aaron. I love you. I love Jack. I have dedicated my life to the two of you, to our family! And now I feel like I’ve made a mistake in doing that, because the second you get overwhelmed, I’m in the first person that gets thrown under the bus?! To get reduced to nothing by you?! That’s not fucking fair Aaron, It’s not fair! And the worst part is that I fucking forgave you weeks ago, but I can’t forgive myself! I feel like such a shit mother every single day! I feel like I’m failing everyday, and that our baby will fucking hate me because it’ll somehow know that I’m the second choice! That it’ll know you’d rather be with someone who’s dead! So don’t come to me asking stupid fucking questions like that when you know the fucking answer Aaron. You don’t need to humiliate me more than you already have.”

You walked out of your shared bathroom, down the stairs into the living room, and sobbed your eyes out. 

Aaron sat up in the bed, thankful that Jack wasn’t home today, but devastated by your words, and his actions. Why had he even brought up an annulment? 

He couldn’t even begin to dissect the feelings he had when the bile in his throat suddenly came on and he had to run to the bathroom, and spill it into the toilet. Your words hit him like a knife, throwing his own words back in his face in the most disgusting way to do it, directed at you. You were an amazing mother, an amazing wife. And yet, you thought you were worthless. He had made you feel worthless. He felt terrible. He didn’t want Haley. Yes, he’d loved her for a long time, yes their divorce was heartbreaking. But he loved you now, and he didn’t ever want to take that for granted. He’d gotten two people who loved him unconditionally, two people who loved him enough to have a child with him, two people that would put themselves in harm’s way for him. 

And he fucked it up. Twice. 

He followed you downstairs, standing in the doorway as you sobbed into the couch cushions, then walked over and put a hand on your back. You didn’t push him off, that must be a good sign, right? He moved you to sit on his lap, your head in his shoulder as he calmed you down.

“I’m so sorry Y/n. I was awful to you. I don’t want an annulment, I never want an annulment. I know it sounds bad but I was just so used to Haley hanging a divorce over my head for so long, it just came out. You are who I want, who I would choose, every single time. You are a good mother. You’re going to be a good mother. I’m so sorry I ever made you doubt yourself. That I ever made you doubt me. I never want to hurt you like this again. This is the worst thing I’ve ever done, I’m so sorry,” he whispered against your skin. “I’m so sorry.”

You let out a half chuckle- half sob and pulled away. “Aaron, I need you to swear to me that you will never fucking bring up us breaking up again, unless you actually mean it.”

“I swear.”

“And I need you to promise me that you’ll work on stopping all the reactive bullshit we’ve been doing,” You sighed.

“I promise.” 

“Then, I think we’ll be ok,” You smiled softly and kissed his cheek, settling your head back against his neck. 

“So we’re ok again?” He asked hopefully. 

“Not yet, no,” You stated and his hope vanished. 

“Honey-”

“We will be, soon.” 

He smiled again. You were his, always. Just as he was yours, always. Anything, you could get through. 

Together.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

criminal minds masterlist :)

people that asked to be tagged: @michasia24 @pear-1206 @randomrosie01 @tonystankhere

[chuulyssa]

jealous monster trio + law and ace x reader

a/n. not proofread!! i wrote this on my phone in the middle of watching a movie ong. idk why there aren't many dialogues in ace and law's part, but im lowkey pleased with how everything turned out

tags. fluffy fluff fluff, established relationship

crack tags. sanji gets a nosebleed (again), sanji tries to steal you away, sanji (that's it, that's the warning), marco bepo and robin are the best matchmakers, nami robs someone 😴

luffy wasn't the type to be overly possessive about the things he liked. growing up with two brothers, he had learned to share all mundane things in his life; his clothes, his blanket, even his toothbrush.

but not you.

luffy didn't understand the feeling that was developing in the pit of his stomach at the sight of you working out with zoro in the crow's nest. it was nice to stay healthy, right? that was what he had thought when he saw you reject his offer to play board games with him. he watched you walk away and up to the crow's nest where the swordsman practically lived, and sulkily climbed his special seat on the head of the sunny.

"oi, luffy! come down," usopp called out from the deck, and he glanced at the latter. "robin's telling us another story of the ancient civilizations of the west blue!"

"i'm not in the mood," luffy shouted back, still gazing wistfully at you.

he watched your face contort into one of pain when you moved to do the crunches, and zoro laughed at you before showing you how to breathe in the position as you lifted yourself back up.

"are you sure? i think you're just hungry!" usopp called again. "robin said we can have some of the special pancakes sanji made for her."

luffy stared back at his friend, his eyebrows furrowing as he thought hard. soon after, he yelled back, "i'll come down, give me one second!"

as you got back up from the crunch you were performing, you saw a long arm on the glass wall of the room and nearly screamed. luffy accidentally slammed his face into the wall, his cheeks comically enlarged as he spoke something incoherent to you. zoro rolled his eyes from beside you.

"i think he's saying break time is over. you've gotta go deal with him now."

.

zoro was rather secure in your relationship. he didn't mind it when other people commented about how nice you are, or about how pretty you look. he let it all slide, seeing as he knew all of the comments were true, and you deserved to know that. so he wasn't one to get mad when such things happened.

except when it came to the idiot cook.

it had been almost fifteen minutes past your usual time and you still hadn't shown up. zoro had gritted his teeth in the middle of a set and set out to find you. it didn't take him long, however, to figure out what was keeping you.

"my dear y/n, you must listened to this acoustic poem i have written in your name," the cook had one of your hands in his, blocking your way up to the crow's nest.

"i'm sure it's lovely, sanji, but i'm in a hurry right now--"

"ah, where, i wonder, must i look to find another beauty such as yourself--?"

"oi, cook! buzz off, will ya? no one wants you around," zoro's voice came from upstairs, and you turned to look at him.

the cook glared at him from behind you, but immediately pouted wistfully when you turned back at him. "don't say that, 'ro," you scolded, and the cook's face lit up at your words, eyes gleaming at the sight of zoro's annoyed look.

"i said what i said," zoro walked downstairs, twirling a strand of your hair around his fingers when he reached you. "buzz off, prince of the perverts."

.

sanji is a little bit of an idiot. insecurity runs in his veins, and thus so does jealousy. you would have felt bad for him too, had he not been making you feel the same way since day one.

his face streamed with tears as he followed you around the marketplace. a few minutes earlier, you had caught him shooting to the sky with a nosebleed because of some poor woman's smile. he had landed right at your feet, the sight momentarily disarming you before you kicked his frame out of the way to walk.

it had been about half a minute of you ignoring him and he was on his hands and knees, begging for you to spare a glance at him. you would have felt bad, had this not been the fiftieth time in a week. you instead chose to turn to usopp, who had grown to learn to ignore sanji and his antics around women ever since they first met at the baratie. sanji's ears turned a bright red at your movement, and he clinged even harder at you

the two of you silently agreed to not wait for nami while she was busy robbing civilized people in a restaurant, and sped up at the looks the passersby were giving sanji, who was practically hanging onto your waist right now.

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry, angel, i know that's not gonna cut it but i beg for your humble forgiveness, i will not ever-"

"how do you deal with this moron?" usopp whispered to you, and you whispered back an "i don't know".

sanji kept mumbling things into your hips and pressing soft kisses into your waist, until you gave in when chopper hurried up to where you were, polaroids of your smile hanging around his neck; your boyfriend was just in rehab!

.

ace didn't think you looked half as good with anyone else but him. that is another way to say, he couldn't stand anyone who was within a certain radius from you. he wouldn't talk about it at all, and whenever you would bring it up he would play dumb.

but he hated it; not in a you're-mine-and-belong-to-me way but more in a im-just-a-boy-who-needs-external-validation-to-exist kinda way.

so he didn't like the way you were the only 'daughter' in whitebeard's crew among all the 'sons' who spoke about you like you were a trophy. he didn't like how you were placed under marco's division and not his. he didn't like how both whitebeard and marco laughed at him whenever they caught him looking at you.

after a particularly rough mission, the first division was having a blast with all the treasure they had managed to get back. ace looked at you with a longing pout on his face, about ten feet away from you. you were laughing with thatch at the moment, and he was busy fantasizing about how you would react if he carried you into your shared room on his shoulder, kissed the back of your nape and sucked hickeys to spell his name on your neck--

marco slapped the back of his head and his face fell into his plate with a loud crash.

"thank me later," marco said, eyes unwavering as the man in front of him fell asleep face-first into a plate full of food.

he went away as ace woke up shortly after, his face covered in curry, with men laughing at and mimicking him, but among all of them, his ears only heard the sound of your laughter before you quickly got up to hand him tissues.

.

law did not care. or at least, he pretended not to. after all, it had taken multiple tantrums from bepo to get him to confess to you, and even then he had made it clear he was not a fan of whatever you might have thought to be an 'ideal, loving relationship'.

that was, until today, when you had learned just how far you had to push his buttons to transform him into a romantic man. you could feel law's gaze on you as you laughed at whatever dumb thing luffy had just said, but when you turned around, he was busy conversing with robin about who knows what. once again, you turned to luffy, felt weird, turned back and saw nothing. for every minute you talked to the straw hat about something, you could feel law breathing down your neck, albeit in a subtle manner that no one but you seemed to catch.

"law," you finally came up to him, and he looked up at you as if he hadn't for ages. "is something wrong?"

"what makes you think so?" he challenged, and you could feel robin chuckle next to him. after shooting her a perplexed look, you shrugged and walked back to where the group was having fun, staying a bit closer to chopper this time, for luffy's safety.

it wasn't until the two of you had retreated back to your shared room for the night that you had realised what you felt had not been a hoax. law was on you the moment you lay next to him on the bed, nuzzling up to you and pressing gentle kisses to your forehead and cheeks.

you were confused, to say the least, but you had a faint suspicion that this strange side of law was the idea of a certain archaeologist.

[calisources]

𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐀𝐋 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐄𝐗𝐔𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐐𝐔𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒.

All these quotes are taken from different works of fiction and depict sensual, sexual tension between two people in different scenarios. There are some that are suggestive while others are more detail so this meme is nsft and usft, please tag accordingly. Mentions of jealousy, possessiveness, sex, fantasies are all here. Change pronouns, names, locations as you see fit.

I knew the first moment I saw him that it was going to be raw, it was going to be ugly, and I was going to enjoy every damn minute of it.

You're still looking.

You make it hard to look away.

I'm over here keeping my hands and memories to myself because you asked me to, that’s not fair.

If you'd just man up and admit there's something between us, I would strip down to my skin so you could see every single inch of me.

How long are you going to make me wait?

How awfully presumptuous of you to think I'd let you.

You missed my arrogance almost as much as I missed your impudence, little one.

You said not to fall for you. Did you change your mind?

We both needed to blow off some steam, and we did, right?

They say the colour of a lady’s lips is an exact match to another region on the body?

You're too soft.

Can we go back to making out now?

You sound jealous.

Then tell me this is what you truly want. Swear you want this more than anything else and I'll never mention it again.

If you want me to play the bawd, at least give me the benefit of your advice.

Tell me how it's done. Do you think she'd like it if I came to her like this, if I looked deeply in to her eyes?

And then like this? Is this how I ought to seduce her?

You're wet, aren't you?

You drove me mad.

She asked me not to be gentle with her, either,I would have been gentle with you, though.

I would have had you moaning my name throughout it all. And I would have taken a very, very long time, Feyre.

I'm all yours to look at, you know.

You need to let me go, darling, before we start something I intend to finish.

Feel free to touch, darling. It's all yours.

. . .I hate you.

Say it again.

Grind it. Nice and fine.

I gave him a few smiles and he handed over a family heirloom. I bet he'd give me the keys to his territory if I showed up wearing those undergarments.

Why shouldn't I? You seem to have difficulty not staring at me day and night.

Am I supposed to deny, that I find you attractive?

Is that a challenge, Feyre?

Do you think it's fair that you have seen every inch of me, and I have seen none of you?

Move with me now.

Touch me anywhere you please.

I want you to make love to me.

Do you know what that truly means?

You do know? You know that I will be inside you and that I will move inside you, until we are both mad from pleasure?

I want you inside me.

You have three minutes to get ready now.

I did dream about you. I didn’t want to, but I did.

What was I doing in your dreams?

Someone is watching us through the window.

All the more reason to put on a good show.

You're not in a position to make demands.

The best things are found in the most secret places.

And you are a beautiful, sexy temptress who is about to be fucked by a man who wants her so desperately he's willing to do anything to have her.

When I'm with a woman, it's not me doing the begging.

You're rubbing yourself all over me. What did you think was going to happen?

I thought you were all about self-control.

I remember how powerful those thighs are.

You are more beautiful than I imagined.

And your skin... Christ, it shimmers like gold.

I'm naked underneath.

Tell me----did it get you off knowing I was watching?

I want to take you under the moonlight.

Please, don’t stop.

Oh, so I shouldn’t? That would be cruel of me, wouldn’t it?

I am the cruelest man you will ever meet, but, I will make you feel so good, you will not care.

I’ve never been with a man before.

You do bad things to me, Carrie. Very bad things.

And you, Miss, are no lady.

[avocado-writing]

home

pairing: 14th doctor x reader & 10th doctor x reader

rating: E

notes: no gender or age given for reader, just that you last saw the doctor fifteen years ago. thank you to @mcganns for being my beta!!

This too shall pass.

It was a sentiment that you had to cling onto when he left, because fuck knows it was the most painful thing you’d ever felt. And you’d run away from actual explosions before. Big ones, in space! Supernovas which could eat entire planets while you hung onto the side of a little blue box. 

And yet none of it even begins to compare to when he fucking left you. 

He said it wouldn’t be forever. Well, he shouted it at you as you fell out of the TARDIS. There was a time explosion, and you got rocketed back to your little flat in the middle of Hackney, on Earth only a few days from when he’d picked you up — but in your reality months of adventure had passed. 

You’d not really settled back in, certain that he was going to come and rescue you. But then days turned into weeks into months and you finally accepted that the Doctor had abandoned you. 

So you went back to it all. Your mundane little existence before a mad, brilliant man had whisked you away. Your boss was a bit miffed that you’d gone AWOL but you were their best employee so they couldn’t afford to let you go, all you got was a slap on the wrist and a command not to let it happen again. The people you loved didn’t really seem to notice your absence that much, which stung; you couldn’t blame them though. You’d probably not miss you much either. 

The Doctor. He made you feel special in a way nobody had before. Like you were the centre of a whole, giant, fantastic universe, and he adored you for it. 

Still. 

No point mulling that over again, is there?

Fifteen years. Things did get better. You moved on eventually. But you still find your thoughts drifting back to him every once in a while, and that fragment of time you spent totally utterly in love with each other. When you think about the way he kissed you, without realising it you end up touching your lips.

No. No. Stop. 

The singing of the kettle snaps you back into reality, and you pour yourself a hot cuppa. Ah, tea. The antidote to everything. You go to turn the radio on for some company as you shift into your morning routine when you hear a knock at the door. 

Probably the postie. He’s a bit early today, you think, but make no more of it as you undo the latch and open the door. 

Your heart stops. 

Because there he is, of course. 

Older. Weathered. Not the young man you once knew but a grownup version of him, as exhausted by life as you are. 

You drop your mug. Quick as a flash the Doctor grabs it out of midair. The tea sloshes onto the floor but at least nothing gets shattered. 

He goes to look up at you, but his attention is drawn back to his hand. 

“I bought you this mug years ago,” he says, utterly amazed. 

You shut the door in his face. 

Well, you try to, anyway. But he sticks a foot in between the door and the frame, with one of those stupid Converse he always wears.

“I know you’re angry, I know. But please let me come in.”

It’s such an absurd statement you find yourself laughing, a high and desperate noise. 

“Absolutely not!” Actually, no. That’s not enough. “How dare you. Why are you even here?!”

“Because I wanted— I needed to see you.”

You still want to slam the door on him, but there’s a desperation to his voice that gives you pause. And when he looks at you with those sad, puppy-dog eyes? Those eyes as lined with age as you are?

Fuck. You’re so weak. 

So that’s how you find the Doctor sitting at your kitchen table with a cup of tea in front of him. You lean against the counter, defences still up, eyeing him from over the top of your mug. He drums his fingers against the tablecloth. 

“I like your house. Your calendar is nice, I enjoy the kitten motif.”

“Don’t,” you spit, slamming the mug down and sloshing tea onto the floor, “don’t you dare. You don’t get to waltz back here and start telling me ‘oh, I enjoy your furnishings, haven’t you made a nice little life for yourself since I abandoned you!’ I let you in to speak your piece, though god knows why. Say it and be done.”

The Doctor looks deflated. His shoulders sag, mouth falls. You take a moment to properly look at him. He seems… tired. Tired in a way you never knew him to be when you went on your adventures. Part of you wants to offer comfort, but the other part of you wants to withhold it maliciously. Anything to make him feel the way you felt. 

“I looked for you,” is what he settles on, heavily. You didn’t expect that, and it knocks you. 

“What?”

“I did. After the explosion, I tried searching all over the galaxy for you. I didn’t know where - when - you’d ended up. I scanned and scanned but something stopped you from appearing on the TARDIS’s sensors. I think… the amount of artron energy emitted during the blast somehow cloaked you.”

You say nothing, your silence an invitation for him to continue his explanation. 

“It took years. Literal years, for me. Every spare moment I had, I dedicated to looking for you. Head buried in the circuitry of the TARDIS, trying to fix whatever was hiding you, gave myself a couple of nasty shocks too. And, when I finally tracked you down, I’d regenerated.”

You blink. Right. Yes. He’d explained that, but you’d never seen it with your own eyes. The same person, a different face. 

“I didn’t know if you’d want to see me if I didn’t look like me. But I had to try anyway, didn’t I? So I came here. To your house. I got myself all ready for it, knocked on your door… and found that you were married.”

Your fingers grip the counter. 

“Oh.”

“He seemed nice. Loved you a lot, as you deserved. And I couldn’t tell you I was back, could I? I saw you pottering around in the kitchen, making the tea - you were always the best at making tea - and you were happy. How could I ask you to leave that all, uproot the life you’d made for yourself, just to jump back in the TARDIS with me? How could I be so cruel? I couldn’t, could I. So I left again. Tried to move on. Like you did.”

You’re crying now. You can feel hot tears slide down your face and soak into your jumper. 

“Oh, Doctor,” you manage. You want to tell him so much. It feels like it might burst out of you. But instead you settle on:

“Why now?”

He smiles thinly. 

“Because somehow I got this face back, and I wanted to see you. I wanted to be selfish for once.”

You find yourself at the table, on the wonky chair opposite him, sliding your hand over to cover his. It’s rough and warm. Just like you remember. He says your name with reverence, but like it pains him. 

“I never stopped loving you. Ever. Through it all, every adventure, I knew it wasn’t complete because you weren’t there. It just wasn’t the same without wonderful, brilliant you,” he admits. He sounds defeated. It breaks your heart — or, actually, it might just put it back together again. 

A beat passes. His confession lingers in the air, heavy, thick and choking like smoke from an untameable fire. 

“His name was Simon. He was a baker. He was lovely, actually… and we got divorced two years ago.”

The Doctor’s brow furrows. 

“You… what… why?”

“Because he knew there was someone else I never really let go of. Someone else who, despite everything, I still loved.”

He looks you in the eyes, and you see something glimmer there that you long since gave up on. 

Hope. 

And then, suddenly, you’re kissing. 

It’s like nothing has changed. His lips are still rough and searching on yours, a hint of tongue giving away into more the deeper you entangle. He sits you up on the table and steps into the space left by your spread legs, and between each kiss he says your name. It’s full of adoration but lined with desperation, too. 

Like the kisses he gave you the first night you laid together, on a bed in his spaceship floating across the galaxy. When he buried himself inside you and you felt his two hearts beat in rhythm with your own. 

“Doctor…” you manage. 

Fuck. You need him. You didn’t realise how badly you needed him. You didn’t realise a piece of your soul has been missing this whole time, fucking torn out of you and leaving a jagged hole in its wake. And him, back, telling you he loves you and always has? You’re patched together like kintsugi. 

Your Doctor is the molten gold you need. 

“Please. I need to…” he’s so desperate he can barely get the words out, but you nod; he’s undoing the belt buckle of your jeans and pulling them off like they’re silk. When his thin waist meets yours you cross your ankles behind him and lock him into place, and his hands - a little fumbling, a little nervous to be mapping out the plain of you again - begin to trace your chest. You lean into his touch to let him know yes. This is okay. I want this. Make me whole again. 

His warm, rough palms slide under the hem of your shirt and lift it easily over your head, the only break in a while you take from your kiss. You let yourself grab his tie to bring him closer. He’s fully dressed still and you’re almost naked; you remember how he used to like that, enjoy feeling a bit more put together than you. Cheeky blighter. Still though, as his suit scratches your skin, you can’t say you don’t agree. 

However. In this instance he has far too many clothes. 

You tug at his jacket and he knows what you need, letting it fall to the floor with his tie and waistcoat following it. He ruts against you as he unbuttons his shirt a bit, not the whole way, but just enough for you to feel the warmth of his chest. He’s so skinny. You’ve always been a bit worried that, on one of your rougher days, you might snap him in half. You still are now, actually. 

Cupping his face in your hands you let your thumbs caress his cheekbones. Your Doctor. Older but the same. Just like you. 

You can feel him more than half-hard against your leg. No more time wasting. You need him. You need him, you need him, you need him. 

It doesn’t take long to undo his fly and have him in your hand. You’ll always be glad he chose this human anatomy. Though you’d love him no matter how he looks, there’s something wonderful about his cock as it is here. He lets his head fall forward onto your shoulder with a moan if your name. 

“Oh… you’re…”

“Mmm hmm,” you agree, a genuine smile passing your face for the first time in god knows how long. He’s just the right length and on the thick side, and you know what a delicious stretch he is when he pushes inside of you. You can’t wait to feel it again. A couple of pumps and he’s ready, dripping precome and a ruddy red. Another time you’d bend down and taste him, remind yourself what a Time Lord’s cock is like. But now today. Well, not now. 

You lay back, readjusting yourself so he can push your underwear to the side and find your entrance. A couple of fingers - those long, delicate, clever and cunning fingers - press inside you and test you out. You’re ready for him. He makes a choked noise in the back of his throat as he realises and you laugh, properly, throwing your head back. 

“Come on, Doctor. Show me that you’ve missed me.”

He used to never shut up. And now he’s stunned into a desperate silence, lining up with you and pushing in as he does his best to make you feel what he’s been feeling too. 

A loneliness is fixed. He slides home inside you and your hips meet, the both of you letting out a long and ragged breath. You sit there for a moment, locked in the most intimate embrace, and just feel each other. You fist your hands in his shirt. He’s here. He’s real. You feel him trace his palm up your back as if you assure himself of the same thing. 

Slowly he begins to move. It is a long and lovely drag, his cock hitting all the points you missed being touched, and when he feels you gasp he goes harder. The Doctor nuzzles into the skin of your neck, nestling to the warmth of you there, and you hear him repeat a mantra both of your name and “I love you”.

Over and over. As if the two phrases are inextricably linked. 

You’re so full. You’re so light. Everything feels perfect in this moment. And when he reaches between your bodies to touch your sex, push you to the edge, you know you’ll climax for him embarrassingly fast. 

When you come you see stars light up behind your eyes. The sky, the unfiltered and untamed sky takes you over. The Doctor says your name one final fine and releases inside you, his hips riding it out as if to savour every second in the sweet grip of you. 

He can’t look at your face when he asks you. He says it from the safety of your shoulder where his face is buried, because if you say no you know his heart will shatter. 

“Come with me, in the TARDIS again. I know I shouldn’t ask you to leave your home but… you complete me, you know. Always have.”

“Leave my home?! Doctor, don’t be daft. This is just a house in bloody Hackney. You’re my home.”

You pull back to meet his gaze. He’s tired, but bright. His eyes twinkle. And there’s the Doctor you know. 

“And of course,” you continue. And, as the smile engulfs his face and he lights up, “it’s not like I’m doing anything else, am I?”

This time, when you go AWOL from your job, you never come back. 

[hyuckswoman]

mark being jealous

« Remind me where you’re going again? » your boyfriend says. you were trying your best to contain your irritation as you probably told him like fifteen times already. 

« Mark, you know where I’m going, why do you keep asking me? » you answer getting up from the couch where you guys were sitting watching a movie as you needed to get ready

« just to make sure that you were really going to your high school reunion where the guy you spent your whole high school years being in love with is also there, only handsomer and richer and also just really into you. » your boyfriend says as you sigh. 

Yes, your unrequited high school crush was going to be there, yes, he had a glow up, yes he asked you out not long ago so he is into you. But all of that did not matter, you were sure Mark was the absolute love of your life. It frustrated you that he did not understand that whether your old crush was there or not did not matter. you were only going there in hopes to rekindle friendships that you’re grown out of during the past few years 

« look, instead of spending your whole evening overthinking what I could possibly be doing there just come with me? I’ve already offered you to come, hell mark I want you to come! I don’t understand why you refuse to tag along but complain about god knows what I might be doing with some random guy I haven’t thought of in years » you say. you probably asked him ten times already over the past two days if he wanted to come but he kept on saying no for some reason

« I don’t wanna be the only guy not from your high school there, I don’t want to feel like the odd one out. » your boyfriend says, is that why he didn’t want to come?? 

« Mark, literally everybody that’s in a relationship is bringing their partner, which I thought I’d do too because I also want to show you off, like yea that’s my man not yours stay mad you know? » you reply as you hear your boyfriend sigh out of relief « no go get ready I don’t want to be late, I’ll tell you all you need to know about everyone on the way. » you say as mark heads upstairs to get ready whilst cheering because you guys were going to be gossiping 

« oh my god y/nnnnnn it’s been a while how are you?? you look so good oh my god definitely had a glow up there » of course. it was typical of meghan (don’t ask just coming up with random names) to give you passive aggressive comments like those, you quickly look at your boyfriend who just gives you a weird look in return « meghan, yea it’s been a while are you still with that one boyfriend of yours or was he also not the one? » you ask. good thing you had grown a backbone throughout the years. it was kind of funny seeing the confusion leave your boyfriend’s face after you said her name, you had mentioned meghan during the debrief and how she wasn’t always the nicest.

« hi y/n, hi Mark it’s great to see you guys, y/n you look as good as I had remembered, Mark I like your shoes. » your old crush, jack (again, random names sorry) says 

« oh thanks, Mark helped me get ready that’s why I look extra good, it’s cause he made this outfit with love. » you say in a lighthearted tone. you wanted jack to understand his place as well as give Mark reassurance but you wanted to do that without animosity. I mean you guys just got there. 

as you were getting up to refill your cup you looked at Mark smiling at how he was getting along with some people you only recall positive memories of. it was nice seeing your boyfriend mix with the people that represent your childhood. it makes it feel like he’s always been there, and it’s always been Mark and you against the world. 

« you look happy » you hear a voice say, as you turn around you see jack (you presumed he also went to refill his cup) 

« M am. so much » you reply smiling to yourself knowing damn well that the man who’s currently chatting with your past is the reason for this happiness 

« I’m sorry by the way, if I made you feel uneasy, I swear that when I asked you out I didn’t know you were in a relationship. Had I known, I would’ve never asked, I’m not like that you know » he says, you can see him fidgeting awaiting your response 

« Honestly it’s no biggie, when I turned you down you were really respectful about it, there’s nothing to blame your behaviour was impeccable, I mean it » you say as you hear him sigh out of relief 

« what do you want to drink? I assume you were heading here to fill your cup «  he says reaching his hand out for you to give him your cup 

« honestly, whatever you’re drinking is fine » you say as you’re handing out your cup 

« what have you been to? we haven’t talked in ages » you say trying to make conversation (plus you were genuinely curious as to what he’s been up to) 

« I went to law school and graduated early so I’m actually a full-time lawyer at Kirkland & Ellis, it’s been… stressful but fun so far » he answers 

« holy shit Kirkland & Ellis?? did you graduate from Harvard?? how the fuck did you get in such a big firm » you ask, this was no small achievement 

« Stanford, actually yea I couldn’t believe it either when I got the acceptance letter » he says, you could see him get shy at the praises you were throwing at him 

« woah Stanford okay my bad.. righttt I remember now you graduated high school early, oh my god remember when ryan got so mad at you because his girlfriend was really into you so he poured dirty mop water all over you?? that was crazy » you say laughing. you still remember it as if it happened yesterday, it was THE drama of the whole year, people were gossiping non-stop

« dude don’t remind me I had to ride the bus and I stank so bad.. the smell was foul and when I came home my mom yelled at me so much I wanted to die of embarrassment » he says as you guys are both laughing slowly heading back to the group of people (and your man, of course)

You were all smiles and giggles being happy that the situation with jack was sorted out, and you were excited to reassure Mark that he had nothing to worry about because jack was a good man who won’t ever cross your boundaries. That excitement was cut short when you sat back down next to Mark who seemed… off? he wasn’t smiling. And honestly, it looked as if he was pissed but he couldn’t be because there was no reason to…right? 

« Mark, jack graduated from Stanford can you believe it?? he even works at like the biggest law firm ever, isn’t it cool? » you say hoping to ease the tension

« yea. that’s cool. congrats » Mark says as jack looks at you and you look back apologetically, why was he acting like that?

« Hey, is something wrong? Did I piss you off or something» you whisper in your boyfriend’s ear

« no. we’re fine. I’m fine » Mark says not even looking at you. Oh. You definitely pissed him off. you decided to sit back and shut up, you didn’t want to piss him off more. what the fuck did you do to piss him off in the first place though? 

A couple of hours later, you decided it was time to leave, even though you were having fun Mark wasn’t and you didn’t want him to stay like this. you also hoped you could talk to him if you guys were alone because you still couldn’t figure out why he had been acting so cold with you. if you were completely honest it hurt your feelings and also kind of humiliated you having your boyfriend act like this in front of so many people (that you hadn’t seen in a long time too) when you were gushing about him the whole evening 

You guys were on the highway when you decided to break the silence « Alright Mark, what’s up with you? What did I do » you ask facing him 

« I don’t know why don’t you ask jack? » your boyfriend says 

« huh? What is that supposed to mean? » you say

« I don’t know, I think I might be referring to you laughing your ass off with him in the kitchen or to his fingers lingering on yours for too long as you were handing your cup or even to the ‘Mark jack is so much smarter and richer and he’s so impressive woah’ but I might not be referring to that at all too, who knows man, maybe jack? » 

« first of all, don’t talk to me as if I’m stupid. Second of all, just so you know we were talking about how happy you make me and he apologized for asking me out when I’m in a relationship. but you obviously couldn’t know because you preferred to act like a dick towards me basically showing everyone how unhappy you were to not only be here but be with me, but yea you’re right maybe I’ll ask jack » you say turning your back to him facing the window. 

you couldn’t believe him. Sure, he was allowed to feel jealous but acting like an ass even though you’ve done nothing to anger him? you were upset at how he treated you 

«  fuck, you should’ve told me earlier now jack is going to think I’m the biggest asshole ever, I went up to him before he left and basically told him to fuck off » you hear your boyfriend say. Man, he was worried about jack right now??? no fucking way 

« right because it makes so much sense to be worried about what a man, that you won’t ever see again by the way, might think of you. » you say hoping the sarcasm is enough to make him realize how stupidly he’s acting right now 

« I’m sorry » he answers to which you only reply ok, he was pissing you off 

as you guys were coming in the house, Mark decided to break the silence again « I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to project whatever I was feeling onto you » he says 

« I understand Mark. The issue doesn’t lie in the fact that you were jealous it’s because of the tone you take whenever you explain to me whatever I did to piss you off. I’m not a child, I’m also not stupid. We’re both grown adults and you have to respect me a little more because hearing your condescending tone pisses me off. I really don’t care if you’re jealous, that’s a boundary I’ll have to respect in the future because I don’t want to make you uncomfortable but our relationship will only work if you put in efforts as well. except of course, if you don’t want it to work » you say. 

During the rest of the car trip you had calmed down. you thought about the whole thing and decided to just explain your feelings because even though it kinda was a recurring argument, you reminded yourself that despite how perfect he is, Mark is a man, and he forgets. 

« I know and I’m sorry. I know I say this every time but I really mean it, I promise I’ll work on my issues with jealousy because man, it gets so bad, like tonight, you weren’t doing anything and I got pissed. so I’m sorry. And I’ll watch my tone. I know I have an issue with communicating my feelings when I’m mad and so I use that tone for it to hurt less but you don’t deserve this. And it’s a personal issue I need to fix instead of putting it onto you. I’m really sorry. I understand if you want me to sleep on the couch for tonight » you boyfriend says apologetically. 

You had planned to stay mad at him for like an extra two hours but how could you with this?? It was kind of annoying how he could persuade you so easily. You basically didn’t have any choice but to forgive him right now. It sucked to be in a relationship with a good man. 

« Mark I forgive you, it’s really no big deal just watch your tone. Also don’t think I’ll forget tho, when this happens again I’ll beat you up » you say warning him. Yes, you were forgiving him this time but you meant it when you’ll say you’ll beat him up if it happens again, because, it’s kinda crazy the audacity this man has. 

« it won’t happen again though, I swear I’ll really work on myself. Soooooo… no couch for me tonight? » your boyfriend asks you while coming closer 

« no couch for you tonight. » you answer whilst being engulfed in a hug coming from said man. 

Maybe forgiving him was extra easy because you like him so much. Either way, it felt good to be okay with the love of your life. 

[acesofspadess]

Dancing With A stranger Lover

CS55 & LN4 x mclaren!strategist!reader

a/n: putting this under Carlos because it's his win if that makes sense....

warnings: angst, Carlos and Lando being idiots, crying, some steamy content at the end, fluff

summary: a 1-2 mean more to the trio then they let on

2020

Walking up to the MTC with a mask on your face was not what you had expected when you signed up for this job… the mask part at least… but you couldn’t complain considering the pandemic was how you got your job. 

You knew about the duo dubbed ‘Carlando’; anyone who didn’t was living under a rock. They were one of the best duo’s on the grid. “Y/n!” You looked up hearing the familiar voice. “Uncle Z.” You cheered as he pulled you into a hug. “Everyone’s waiting for you, come on.” You cringed a little at that, “I told you all of this wasn’t necessary.” You scolded him but he just shrugged. “It was a team day, why not add a little extra fun?” He laughed.

“At my expense no doubt.” You rolled your eyes. “Yes, exactly.” You couldn't help but laugh with him. As you walked into the MTC you were met with a sea of papaya. “Fun.” you whispered under your breath seeing everyone interacting like family, something you now had to intrude on.

“Hey everyone! This is my niece, Y/N, she’s the new head strategist! She told me I could choose so I gave her the hardest job!” a round of laughter. “I promise you’re gonna love her just as much as I do! She’ll be joining us from today until she’s sick of me and leaves.” He joked, making everyone chuckle. You were looking for the two main people you would be working with and couldn’t find them anywhere.

“I’ll hand the stage over to Y/N now.” He introduced and everyone cheered. “Hello, everyone! It’s nice to meet everyone in this setting.And yes I am British, Zak is the only American,” She stepped to the side in faux disgust. “I walked in and it felt immediately like a family and I can’t wait to join the papaya army.” You teased but everyone cheered at the family name. “I know compared to some of you my job is a track walk, but I plan on still bringing everything I can to the team and-” 

She was cut off by the two aforementioned boys running in not quietly at all. “-and making sure I get those two to wherever they need to be,” she looked at her watch, “not 20 minutes past the scheduled time.” She teased immediately and everyone laughed and applauded. “We’re keeping her!” Someone she knew to be Jon, Lando’s performance coach, said, making everyone laugh again.

“Well, that’s all I think I have to say…” She looked at Zak who nodded, “alright, yeah that was easier than I thought. I look forward to working with everyone, cheers to an amazing year ahead.” 

Everyone applauded as her and Zak left the stage and people got acquainted with her. “And these two, whom you already know, are Carlos and Lando.” Rupert -Carlos performance coach- introduced. “Nice to meet you, hope you didn’t mind the call out too much.” You joked. “Not at all.” Carlos shook your hand, then passed it to Lando, “It’s nice having someone who can have a laugh around here.” He said eyeing Jon and Rupert.

That was where it started. Throughout that year you had all become close, it was more than just co-workers, you were friends. Age wise you were in the middle of the two, but were definitely the most mature. They came to you when things got too hard to keep to themselves.

It wasn’t long after Lando’s first podium did you find out the two were dating. You had your hunch, them not being the most discreet in challenges… but you think you loved them even more for that. The turntable in your relationship was when Carlos moved to Ferrari. You were hit harder than you thought you would be and that’s when you realised your feelings for the duo. 

Seeing them in their red and papaya fireproofs acting as if they were on the same team made you feel…left out?.... You weren’t sure at all.

2022 The British Grand Prix

No one had to be a mad scientist to feel the tension in the air between the trio that weekend. You wondered if it was because you had invited one of your male friends to the race. Carlos was the most distant from you, which spiked curiosity considering he wasn’t the driver that would be near him the most. You wanted to ask them about it and when you saw the couple walking upstairs into the Mclaren hub that Saturday before qualifying, you followed them.

“What’s your issue?” You opened the door startling the duo who were sitting on the couch. “What happened to hello, how are you?” Lando asked, pulling you in by your arm and closing the door behind you.

“Hello, how are you? What’s your issue?” You asked the first part sarcastically then got down to business. “You.” Carlos muttered under his breath. “Are you having a laugh?” You asked with a dry chuckle. “Why did you bring him?” Lando asked, resuming his spot in Carlos' side. You hated how perfect he fit into him. How they fit into each other. “Why did I bring my best friend to a race that happens to be in our home country? Let me think? Why else?!” You threw her hands out exasperated.

“Are you dating him?” Carlos asked. “I did just say best friend did I not?” You asked rhetorically. “Y/n…” Lando pressed. “No, what the hell? We aren’t dating. Why does it matter to you two if I was.”

“Because we’re your best friends.” Lando explained. “Oh spare me.” You laughed. “You’re telling me you were this upset because you thought I was dating someone?” You clarified. “No,” Caros shook his head and the confusion was written all over your face. “We weren’t mad because you were dating someone-”

“I’m not.”

“-were mad because you weren’t dating us.”

Crickets. 

“I’m sorry what?” You asked a little in shock, which was slowly turning into anger. “We want to date you.” Lando summed up. The moment you laughed you saw the hope drain from heir eyes, and you felt a little bad. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted this to happen?” You started, eyes filling with tears. “Ever since you moved to Ferrari I knew I wanted both of you, but never like this.” She waved her hand between them. “Y/N-” 

“No, you don’t get to treat me like shit this entire weekend because your ego was damaged. If you wanted me you would have just told me. Not act like children and potentially ruin all relationships between us.” You told them, wiping your fallen tears. They stood up as they saw that trying to comfort you but you held your hand out

“No, you don’t get to backtrack now that you see your actions have consequences.” You told them harshly and they physically cringed, you’d only seen Lando cry a handful of times but the tears in his eyes weren’t the same as before. You took a deep breath looking at your watch. “You better get back to Ferrari,” you looked at Carlos, “Jon will be wanting you before qualifying starts.” She then told Lando before opening the door and leaving the couple.

You avoided the boys that entire weekend as much as you could. You still had a job to do and that came first. Carlos converted his pole into a win and you were beyond happy being there for his maiden win.

You knew you had to congratulate him, despite wanting to ignore them both. You walked into Ferrari being greeted as you were always in there. “Upstairs.” Rupert pointed with a wink and she knew he knew what happened.

She knocked on the door hearing a ‘come in’ and opening it. “Y/n…” Carlos isghed. “I just wanted to say congratulations, this was probably the best way to get your maiden win.” She told him with a genuine smile. “But it wasn’t. I didn’t get to celebrate with you.” He told her pulling her sit between the couple.

“We’re sorry we acted like children.” Lando said, placing a hand on her thigh. “I know, I feel like I overreacted.”

“You didn’t.” Carlos denied. “You had every right to act the way you did, and I- we promise to never do that again. Please be ours, mariposa.” You chuckled. “When was the last time you called me that?”

“Only when he wants something.” Lando threw him under the bus. “Ai!” Carlos threw his hat at Landos face. “Then it works doesn’t it.” You looked at them. “Kiss me, por favor.” Carlos begged and you laughed before kissing him. “I’m feeling left out.” Lando pouted. You kissed him next, “now you know how I feel.”

Mexico 2024

And Carlos Sainz is your Mexico City Grand Prix winner!

You wiped your tears from the McLaren pit lane in happiness. “Go!” Andrea shoved you softly and you laughed, taking your headphones off before making you way to the barrier of the podium where you filmed your boys spraying champagne on each other.

Carlos found you below and made sure he gave you a healthy shower of champagne. The weekend was over and you all went out dinner with Carlos’ family, it was sweet and innocent, the total opposite of the club that followed later on.

Mexico City was alive that night, the streets buzzing with excitement, but the club where you, Lando, and Carlos are is on another level. Carlos was in the centre of the action, the crowd chanting “Smooth Operator,” and he was soaking up every second.

Lando wrapped his arm around you, pulling you close with a grin as he watched Carlos climb onto a friend’s shoulders, throwing his arms up in rhythm with the crowd. The bass reverberated through the club as Carlos swayed to the beat, a mischievous smile lighting up his face when he caught your eye. The moment was surreal, and you can’t help but cheer for him, feeling proud and captivated.

“Look at him,” Lando shouts over the music, his lips brushing close to your ear, sending a shiver down your spine. “He knows how to work a crowd.”

“If people don’t know who he is and what just happened, they’re going to be very confused.” you laughed, turning to Lando, catching the gleam in his eye. His arm slipped from your shoulders to your waist, pulling you against him as you both watched Carlos’s performance. 

When Carlos finally climbs down, the crowd erupts, and he heads straight for the two of you, a glint of excitement in his eyes.

“Shots, shots, shots!” he cheers, grabbing a server and handing each of you a drink. The tequila goes down smooth, and Carlos laughs at the way you scrunched your face afterwards. “That was not just tequila.” You laughed and Lando was right there beside you, his hand slipping around your waist as he raised his glass.

“To Carlos, the smoothest operator!” Lando toasts, his gaze playful. Carlos’s eyes meet yours, holding your attention as he clunk his glass against yours before downing another shot. The three of you have been looking forward to a night like this, and it’s clear that Carlos intends to make every moment count.

As the music changes to a slower, seductive beat, Carlos extends his hand to you. “Dance with us, hermosa,” he says, his voice low, and you feel his hand slip into yours, fingers lacing together. He pulled you onto the dance floor, and you didn't resist. With Carlos in front of you and Lando behind, you’re surrounded by them, their warmth and energy pulling you in. Your bodies moved together in sync with the beat, and you let yourself melt between them.

Carlos’s hand slips to your hip, guiding you in time to the music, his breath warm against your neck as he whispers something along the lines of drunken ‘I love yous’. Lando’s hands are at your waist, grounding you, but his eyes are alight with mischief as he leans closer, pressing a kiss to the side of Carlos’ neck. Between the three of you, the chemistry is undeniable, every touch charged with anticipation, every glance brimming with heat. It’s like the rest of the club disappears; there’s only you, Carlos, and Lando, hands and lips exploring with unbridled intensity.

You glance over your shoulder at Lando, and he meets you with a searing kiss, deep and lingering. His fingers tighten on your waist, pulling you closer, and you feel Carlos’s hand on your chin, turning you back toward him. His lips find yours, softer but just as passionate, and you’re dizzy from the way they both consume you, each kiss making you forget where you are.

“Having a good time?” You ask Carlos sweetly.

“You have no idea,” he murmured, smirking, and running his hand up your back, fingers tracing your spine.

You danced for what felt like hours, bodies entwined, lost in the beat, the three of you creating a world all your own. By the time the night winds down, you’re breathless, hearts racing.

You were laying in bed the next morning seeing only a few videos of the night before circulating but none of the three of you. “I was kind of hoping they did catch us.” Lando kissed your shoulder. “Really?” You asked knowing you didn’t go public for his sake. “Yeah, I wanted to kiss you so bad yesterday and I couldn’t.”

Carlos flicked his nose, making Lando yelp. “You wanted to? I won the race and could barely kiss you.” You laughed opening the photos app. “Well we’ve got plenty of photos to expose ourselves.”

carlossainz55 just posted

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carlossainz55 P1 en México! 🇲🇽🏆 Increíble ganar aquí frente a esta gran afición, gracias a todos por el apoyo! He disfrutado de la carrera de principio a fin, sin duda un fin de semana para recordar 🙌🏻

P1 in Mexico! 🇲🇽🏆 Winning here in front of this incredible crowd is amazing, thank you all for the support! I enjoyed the race from start to finish, definitely a weekend to remember 🙌🏻

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fan1 Slide 2???? talk about hard launch!!

fan2 YESSSS THE WORLD IS HEALING MY TRIO ARE AN ACTUAL TRIO

landonorris smooth operator

yourusername ❤️❤️

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landonorris Things you love to see 🇪🇸🇬🇧bravo Carlitos ft our girl 

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carlossainz55 Vamos mi amor!! 💪🏼💪🏼

fan3 oh this is gold

fan8 Y/n and carlos on the second slide😫

hater1 why did they wait until Carlos won to post when Lando has won 3 times already, Lando hun…..

landonorris because I didn’t want them too, lets not turn this into something it isn’t

yourusername what he said

carlossainz what they said

yourusername need more 1-2’s in my life (only this duo though)

mclaren you work for us…

yourusername oops….

oscarpiastri hello??

yourusername I SAID OOPS!

yourusername just posted

liked by carlossainz55 and others

yourusername my forever 1-2

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fan4 can this year get any better

fan5 i don't think so

fan6 mclaren carlando>>>>

yourusername my favourite carlando 🧡

landonorris ❤️you baby

carlossainz55 🧡you mariposa

fan6 the opposite hearts 🫠 my heart 🥹

scuderiaferrari favourite trio

mclaren something we can agree on

charles_leclerc i was there too

yourusername we love you too charlie

landonorris what she said

carlossainz55 what they said

[iamnotoriginalphil]

Friends with Benefits (Melissa Schemmenti x f!Reader)

Synopsis: Barbra finds out that you and Melissa have been getting up to some after hours activities

Words: 1.3k

Warnings: mentions of smut

AN: Just a little thing for @maybe-a-humanbean after 3x08. A nice 'what if' if you will.

You lent over to Melissa, standing in the dimly lit room full of cpr dummies. Pitching your voice low so it would not carry to the other people around you, you whispered in her ear.

“How about you practice on me, give me some mouth to mouth attention.”

She turned her eyes on you, lips pressed together to keep in a grin, eyes sparkling at you with unspoken mirth.

“Stop it,” she whispered back.

“I can certainly think of something that would block my airways,” you said.

“You’re pushing it,” she warned you.

“You’re worth the choking hazard,” you murmured.

She hit your shoulder but you could see the flush on her cheeks in the dim light, practically glowing at your words. You grinned at her, loving when you could fluster her. She turned away from you, doing her best to listen to the fire chief. Ignoring him, you brushed your fingertips along the back of her hand, before moving over to Jacob’s workstation.

“You’re not working with Melissa?” he asked.

“I figure Barbra needs some Mel time,” you replied with a small shrug, “I’ve taken up more than my fair share.”

“You have been spending a lot of time together,” the woman in question said, leaning around Melissa to speak to you.

“Too much, some might say,” Jacob muttered under his breath.

You shot him a look, trying to tell him to shut up. His eyes were averted and you were sure he hadn’t gotten the message.

“You went out for drinks on Friday night, you went to that cute little farmers market on Sunday, and didn’t you say you were going to try out that new restaurant down town together?” Barbra asked Melissa.

“Why bother when you can just finish my box of cereal in the morning?” Jacob said.

“I told you I was going to replace that,” you snapped at him, not needing to start that argument again.

“You ate breakfast with Melissa and Jacob this morning?” she asked you before Melissa could answer any of her previous questions.

“She was certainly eating something this morning,” Jacob muttered. Clearly he was still sulking.

“No need to be crass,” you admonished.

“Are you seeing each other?” Barb asked, still not having had any of her questions answered.

“No,” you said at the same time as she said, “of course not.”

“What do you mean of course not?” you asked her, “it’s not a crazy question to ask given the context.”

She scoffed.

“You don’t want to be tied down to an old woman like me,” she said.

“What?” Your voice was sharp.

“So you’re not seeing one another?” Barb asked.

“They’re hooking up,” Jacob said.

The gasp from Janine was not appreciated, both of you shooting her a look. She looked hurt, as if the two of you had betrayed her.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Barb asked, also sounding hurt.

“Because there’s nothing to tell,” Mel said, exasperated with the whole thing.

You sighed, staring down at the dummy on the table. The thought that Mel found the possibility of the two of you dating so unbelievable was surprisingly hurtful. And not in the way you were expecting. She thought she was the part of the equation letting the side down, not that she didn’t want you. It was her own insecurities, not about what she wanted.

The conversation stalled as Captain Robinson tried to continue with the course but you could feel the heat from your right. Janine had come and gone and you were doing your best to compress the chest beneath your hands. Jacob was purposefully avoiding making eye contact with Robinson’s helper and Mel was avoiding making eye contact with you.

“Are you seriously mad?” Mel asked Barbra the moment there was a break in proceedings to do so.

“Why would I be mad? It’s not as if my friends have been keep their courtship a secret from me,” Barb snapped.

“Courtship?” you asked.

“This ain’t Bridgerton. It’s casual,” Mel protested.

“Casual what? It’s not casual friends because she and I are casual friends and we don’t share breakfast,” she said.

“It’s not casual anything. It’s just sex. Friends with benefits,” Mel said.

You wanted to argue with that but you couldn’t. That was the arrangement. Nothing serious, just sex between two friends who found the other hot. Because she wasn’t interested in more.

Maybe.

“Why wouldn’t you tell me?” Barb asked, finally turning on you.

“We didn’t think you’d understand,” you said, “I mean, come on, Barb, you’re quite… traditional. And this is… not.”

“I can understand new fangled dating. You talked to me about Gary,” she said, rounding back on Mel.

“Yes, because that was a real relationship you would approve of,” she replied.

“And we’re not dating,” you supplied.

You were beyond caring about the other people in the course. Janine was popping in and out with the kind of frantic energy you hadn’t missed around Abbott. Jacob was dealing with his own hookup drama. You just wanted to take Mel off somewhere and drown in her to forget the argument.

“Sorry for assuming you wouldn’t understand,” Mel said, but you could hear an undercurrent of sarcasm in her voice.

“Thank you.” You weren’t sure Barb had completely grasped the sarcasm.

The going on between Janine, Jacob, and the handsome EM came to the forefront of the moment. You ignored that, your fingertips gently tapping against the pulse point in Mel’s wrist. Familiar green eyes turned to you, eyebrow quirking in question. You nodded to a point in the room, slightly further away from the others.

“What?” she asked with an undertone of exasperation. You couldn’t tell if it was aimed at you or one of the others.

“Do you really think I think you’re too old for me?” you asked. It had really been playing on your mind since she’d said it.

“Hon, it’s okay. I know where we stand. You’re so much younger than me,” she said, giving you one of those looks that said you were being an idiot.

“So? Mel, you’re gorgeous, you’re fucking sexy, and you’re a wonderful person. I would be lucky to be in a relationship with you, younger or not,” you replied, “you’re not too old for someone like me. You’re wonderful just the way you are.”

“Hon,” she breathed but you could see the flush on her cheek and the smoulder in her eye.

You weren’t often given over to saying sentimental things to her. Nothing beyond what would be considered platonic, if verging into grossly flirtatious. You tucked some of her hair behind her ear, lingering on her jaw for a moment.

“Just thought you should know,” you said, keeping your voice quiet so it would remain between the two of you.

You left her to her thoughts, rejoining your friends. Barb looked over at you, and you sighed.

“I really am sorry we didn’t tell you. Your opinion matters to me so much I just didn’t want you to think badly about me,” you said.

“You’re an adult, you can make your own life choices. If you’re happy, then girl, I’m not going to tell you off like you’re one of my students. As long as you are happy,” she said.

“I am for now,” you replied, not willing to go into a lot of the minutiae of the situation.

“Then I’m happy for you,” she said.

Her arm curled around your shoulders in the comforting way you’d grown accustomed to. In your peripheral vision, you saw Mel sidle back up to the group on Barb’s other side. Her fiery hair shone in the warm light and you felt your breath catch.

“Are you coming to get a drink with us?” Barb asked you.

“Really?” you asked.

“Sure, hon. Wouldn’t be the same without you,” Mel said, glancing over at you.

You grinned at her, leaning into Barb’s embrace more. Yeah, you were happy enough with what you had, because what you had was pretty damn great.

[theminecraftbee]

Joel turns around. Martyn is standing there. His eyes are a burning red that gives Joel the heebie-jeebies. If anyone would know to be scared, it's Joel! He would! He'd recognize a mad dog if he saw one anywhere!

Anyway, all of that is to say that his high-pitched scream had been totally justified. "Oh my word Martyn what are you doing here?" he says, clutching his hand over his heart, several feet further back than he'd been thirty seconds ago.

Martyn snorts. "Is the sign not for me? Figured there was no one else it could be for."

"The what?"

"The sign."

Joel turns around. Outside his base, the other Mounders have hung a helpful banner: "SORRY EVERYONE YOU LOVE IS DEAD <3".

He'd told them it was kind of rude, hanging that up. Sort of made light of the whole thing, really. His wife and Mumbo and Jimmy had died, guys, don't be idiots about it. Bdubs had loudly told him that he was TRYING to be helpful, Joel, geez, why don't you appreciate his efforts? Pearl had shrugged and said they don't exactly make cards for this kind of thing. Joel's pretty sure they do, actually but...

Sorry everyone you love is dead. Hah.

"My wife is dead, Martyn," Joel says.

"Who, Lizzie or Jimmy?" Martyn says, weirdly dark. "Anyway, my husband's dead, so--"

"Your what?"

"Mumbo and I got married one time. Everyone forgets that for some reason."

Joel has to think about it a while. "Huh."

"Yeah. Anyway, you've still got the other Mounders, huh? Don't know what you're crying about. Thought the sign had to be for me. Thought I'd show up. Get cake. Kill some people. You know how it is."

"If there's a TNT minecart in my base, the first thing I do after I turn red is kill you," Joel says.

"That's not really how it works this time," Martyn says.

"Yeah, well, screw you," Joel says. "Also, they didn't make me any cake. I should ask them for that next. Hah. A cake."

"You know, maybe don't ask for that? Parties tend to go wrong in this game."

"And who's fault is that, huh?"

"Hey, don't look at me! Or, do. Since I'm going to kill everyone, on account of everyone I love being dead and all. Really convenient excuse for murder, that. I should use it more often, if it didn't involve the crippling grief," Martyn says.

"Oh, please. At least you tend to have people to love in the first place," Joel snaps.

"Oh, right, that is your curse, isn't it?" Martyn says. "Sorta broke it last time, but you do tend to get isolated and a bit crazy. Hey, I wonder if we're the ones who traded, actually what with the whole wolf thing."

Joel blinks. "What?"

"Oh, we're all cursed," Martyn says. "After all, They like it better that way. Hey, do you think Jimmy's curse transferred to Lizzie, got cancelled out by the fact Lizzie tends to die stupidly, or got broken? Personally, I'm thinking random fluke, when it comes to canary nonsense."

Joel stares at Martyn. His throat is dry. "What?"

Martyn stares back. "Hey, I'm the mad dog this time," Martyn says. "You probably shouldn't be the one growling."

"Well then, you should stop saying stupid shit," Joel says.

"Stupid? Please. It's obvious everyone is cursed. Nothing to be done about it but to play into the--"

"NO ONE IS BLUMIN' CURSED," Joel shouts, his vision suddenly red and blurry in a way it shouldn't be when he's still on yellow. "NO ONE IS BLUMIN' CURSED. THERE'S NO SUCH THING! YOU'RE JUST, JUST MAKIN' UP REASONS IT ISN'T ALL A TRAGEDY THAT EVERYONE I LOVE IS FUCKING DEAD, MAKING UP REASONS THAT IT--NO ONE IS CURSED! IT JUST HAPPENS! IT JUST HAPPENS! IT JUST FUCKING HAPPENS! AND WOULDN'T IT BE BLUMIN' NICE IF THERE WERE A HIGHER POWER BUT THERE ISN'T SO SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT CURSES!"

He's panting. Martyn is staring at him. He stares back, a snarl on his teeth, the echoes of wolves and of grief, grief, grief, grief playing at the back of his throat.

"Joel?" Martyn says, hesitant.

"My wife is fucking dead. My best friend is fucking dead. One of my new possible best friends is fucking dead. Sorry about your husband, I guess? Get out."

"Bold thing to say to the guy who can kill--"

"I SAID GET OUT!"

Martyn stares at Joel a moment longer, and Joel finds he's not scared of the madness in his eyes at all.

Martyn leaves.

Joel realizes he's crying. The tears turn into giant, ugly sobs. Sorry everyone you love is dead. Sorry everyone you love is dead. Sorry everyone you love is dead.

"I blumin' hate caring about people," he says to no one at all through choked breaths, and he kicks a rock at the banner for good measure. It pokes a little hole through it and bounces off the dick-shaped tower behind it.

"Someone really should have made both of us a blumin' cake, they should," he says next, and he sits down until Pearl runs over, having heard the shouting. His face is red and his vision is still swimming. She stares at him, gathers him in her arms, and cries with him, and for the life of him, he doesn't know if that's any better.

[reticent-writer]

Hi! I love your writing and I have a whole PLOT IN MY HEAD. So basically, Adam's daughter has a fight with him about exterminations. The same night, she sneaks down to hell and stays with some other demons she meets, and up in heaven all chaos broke loss cause a pre-teej was lost, and where could she have gone?! She's not on earth, or heaven- and than Adam realizes, and can you make headcannons of this please?

Make sure to take care of yourself!

hello, thank you so much❤️I will take care of myself if you do as well.

✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･**･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　

Adam and Lute had just gotten back from an extermination to see you glaring at them.

"Aw is someone mad at dear old dad." He said in a baby voice before sighing, "The fuck do you want from me."

"Uh not kill them."

"Uh can't do that."

Lute excused herself, she heard this argument to see where it was going.

"And why not."

"You know the reason."

"B-bu-"

"B-b-but nothing. You're not dumb don't fucking act like it."

By this point he was in your face with a frown that quickly grew into a smile.

"But cheer up. Those sorry shitbags get another 6 months and you get to spend time with earth's and heaven first dick master."

Ignoring the fact that he's calling himself a dickmaster he said that there was 6 months until the next extermination.

"6 months? why 6 months?"

"I'm tired... Goodnight." He avoided your question and scaddled to his room.

"YOU CAN'T GET TIRED IN HEAVEN ASSHOLE!" You shouted as you heard his door slam.

You didn't go to sleep that night, you couldn't. You wanted to see what makes hell hell.

You left everything and made a small portal to hell

the first thing that you noticed was the smell

it was RANCID, like you could barely breath and first

Next was the colors, most to everything is red or gray it took some getting used to

Lastyly was the people, it was the completely opposite of heaven (which you expected) but at least the cannibals were nice

It took you like 2 weeks to get settled and when you were Adam was going crazy looking for you

He made it everybody's business too

It took his dumb ass 3 months to figure out you were in hell

he went down there immediately to look for you

He practically dragged you back upstairs.

"The FUCK is your problem?"

"It took you nearly 4 months to find me and before you say anything else... hell is a really shitty place and the people are even shittier," You muttered but he heard every word and wide the widest grin. " But i still don't see the need for exterminations."

"I fucking told your bitch ass but no you wanted to come down here and prove my point. hell is shitty and sinners deserve nothing. The only thing good down there is the porn."

he definitely has selective hearing.

✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･**･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　

Omg I just thought about combining my Alastor teen reader with Adam's teen reader and making them meet but idk how I would write it out.

[idanceuntilidie]

i also like that you're rly friendly with requesters:DD

+ idrk how you are doing but remember to take care of your health and improve ur memory unlike me>:...

<33!

Hi thanks! I like my anons and generally everyone so yeah :D I also like being nice

I decided to add ur request to this response so there would be a bigger chance u see that I have finally done ur request! I am sorry it took so long and well enjoy!

this person agreed to make the reader gender neutral!

YAN CHEATER X GN READER

warning/s; yandere behaviours and acts, stalking, mentions of kidnapping and forcing one to be dependent on the other

requests are still open

You grimace looking at your phone. Seen. Of course it was seen, he wouldn't even try to reply. You are hurt. Naturally you try texting again and even calling. You are worried and hell you could be even mad at him but you can’t bring yourself to.

A small thought blossoms in your head.

No, he couldn’t have, right? Of course he couldn’t, he swore he wouldn’t cheat again. He stayed home as much as he could, he worked harder. He became sweet and when “those” times happened he became sweeter. You are stupid, maybe desperate but you can’t be mad forever no? That would be stupid.

You bit your thumb, that small little thought was growing roots. What would you do if he in fact did that again? You stopped, the question danced in front of you laughing in your face. Shit, what would you do? Forgive? A metallic taste fills your senses. Of course you would.

The music blasts loudly, it makes your head spin. You only came to the party since you thought he would come. He didn’t.

You were so deep in your thoughts you didn’t notice someone approaching you.

“Jesus you! What in the world are you doing?”

Someone grabbed your now bleeding hand. You are hurt, odd, you didn’t notice.

“Ginger?”

Ginger grimaced at the sight of blood. Personally you liked the color, but that is beside the point. They sighed, looked at you with disappointment and dragged you back to the loudest place on earth that currently exists; her house. That’s right, you were at a party before you decided to try and get Ciaran here.

You almost forgot.

„You can’t be so careless, what were you doing outside?”

You aren’t sure you want to answer, Ginger has a very short temper. She hates Ciaran with every fiber of her being, hell, she hated him ever since you introduced him to her. At first you didn’t understand why, then those accidents happened. That answered a lot but still you couldn’t get angry at your boyfriend, naturally you forgave him very easily. Ginger said you let him walk over you and maybe she was right.

„I thought Ciaran came since he didn’t reply”

Ginger frowned. You could feel your stomach knot, it felt sickening.

„You, listen, I know you love the guy but look how he is treating you.”

You shamefully looked at the ground as Ginger was dragging you through an overwhelming group of people that had fun. Your stop was at the bathroom where Ginger began to look through the cabinets for the first aid kit.

„I know but-„

„Oh stop it, I really had enough of that fucker. He is destroying you from the inside!”

She huffed as she tried reaching for the very thing she was looking for on the highest shelf. You helped.

„As much as I like you, I can’t just stay here and nod to whatever bullshit he is spewing. He is probably fucking some fucker right now. People who cheat once, do it again.”

She took care of your bleeding thumb. It was a little rough but you could tell she was so annoyed. Not at you of course, at Ciaran. That didn’t make you feel better.

Ginger was right, and that made you feel like shit.

You can’t sleep.

Your once cosy house felt unfamiliar, threatening. You felt like you didn’t know where you are.

Every creak, shadow and murmur made you question if you were truly alone. Were you? You hoped.

It’s been a month since you kicked Ciaran out. You dropped him, like he did you everytime he decided to sleep with some random asshole. He fucked around and found out, the irony.

You couldn’t say you have gotten rid of him completely. He was everywhere, seeing him made you physically unwell. Ginger had to take care of you.

He blew up your phone with messages, photos. He sent you gifts that were still probably rotting outside since you haven’t even tried to move them. Ginger said that they smelled like rotten meat. You didn’t want her to clean that. She has done too much for you already.

There was one time, you recall, few weeks ago when you considered murder. Would it really be that since you only wanted to protect yourself whe he was banging on the door? He was too focused on those to smash any windows luckily.

His screams fill your head now and then.

You swipe the sweat from your forehead. It’s hot.

„Come back!” he yelled, wailing. He sounded like an animal that was getting its stomach slashed. „I was so stupid, look, look! I changed! don’t you believe me?” You didn’t know what the change was, he blocked those people on his phone or told them to fuck off? Why does it matter if he would just come back to them?

You would wail, weak in the knees, your lips dried and sore. „Leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone.” Like a mantra, a prayer. You weren’t really religious but would some deity take him away? If that would be the case you would kneel and pray until you fell unconscious.

You feel like you are overreacting. It’s funny. Your eyes wander to the corner of your room. There was someone sitting on the chair next to your desk. They were sprawled out on your chair, you smiled.

„Ginger?” you rasp out. „Did you seriously fall asleep while you were supposed to watch over me?” You kind of regret taking that nap, even if you felt slightly better.

Ginger didn’t reply, you can’t hear her breathe.

Despite your body yelling at you to stay in bed you get up to turn on the light. That usually woke Ginger up but when you turned it on, the silence remained. Slowly you turned around and were met with the sight of blood. It blossomed on the carpet, Gingers t-shirt. Your eyes slowly followed the source, someone slashed her throat.

You felt sick, dizzy. The fever didn’t help, ir was so fucking hard to think.

You need to get out of here.

You want to turn around but someone graps you and hugs you very close. They stink of sweat and blood.

„Sorry honey, had to do something. Why Are you up? You are burning. Here I will help.”

A scream cought in your throat, painful. Who is that? Why did he kill Ginger?

You were turned around to face the killer. Ciaran. Fucking Ciaran. You wanted to scream, to cry or run. He only smiled as he swung at you, knocking your unconscious.

You wished you died that night.

[chanandlersstuff]

Bubble and Moose.

Pairing: Hayden Christensen x Reader.

Summary: The timeline of how Hayden gradually fell in love with her until he was madly in love, to the point of no returning.

Word count: 8.124

Warnings: Not much actually, age-gap and a slow burn. If you squint, there's a "steamy" part.

Author’s note: Hello again, thanks for the paitence. My life has been a little ecthic lately and I'm sorry this took this long. There's still a second part to this part and a final part. With that being said, hope you like it and have a nice day.

gif credit @hayden-christensen

← Previous part // Next Part →

May 2020, definitely not a coworker's relationship.

After their birthday gifts were exchanged an invisible barrier seemed to be taken down, they started to talk more frequently, it didn’t matter who called who, the other answered right away. 

In the beginning, it started with her brainstorming with him about Anakin’s journey to Darth Vader because according to her, who better to tell me what seemed right than the guy you portrayed him?, but he certainly didn’t mind if he got to listen to her rambling sweet voice asking and answering herself in seconds. In the process, they leant a little in their favourite episodes of The Clone Wars Series and it was funny seeing two grown-ups discussing over Facetime a child series but they had fun and spent days. 

At some point, the brainstorming stepped into the background and movies, plays, books, series, and all kinds of things started to be recommended. His favourite moments of those facetimes were when she got passionate about what she would have done in the movies they saw, when she did all that technical talk and her face lit up, started gesticulating more and talked quickly, sometimes too quickly for his fascinated-by-her brain to comprehend. Fascinated in professional terms, not at all in the sentimental.

If someone had been looking at him while he looked at her, they could have witnessed the soft smile on his lips, how slowly he blinked and how attentive he listened to every word that left her mouth as if she was telling him the answer to cure world hunger. 

But it was just the two of them talking for hours by a phone screen, while in reality, they were dying to be next to the other on the sofa talking face to face, close enough to touch but without really doing it for fear of being too much.

It was a normal day, which meant that their breakfast routine remained but with the little twist of being in quarantine. Her phone was resting on something and he, from his sofa with the cup she gifted him in hand, had a clear view of her moving around her kitchen making coffee and pancakes. It was intimate, so intimate that it overwhelmed him a little but at the same time made him happy. 

“How’s Canada?” She was mixing her ingredients.

It took him a few seconds to answer, too distracted by the flour in her cheek and the need to pass the screen to wipe it himself. “I wouldn’t know,” He took a sip of his tea “I'm not there.”

She looked at him frowning, and the mixing stopped. “What? I thought you were quarantined in your house.” He shook his head. “If I didn’t know you, I would think that you were one of those people acting as if all this mess is a sick joke.”

He laughed at her irritated face. How can I take that face seriously when it’s too damn cute and, on top of it, has flour on it? “I would never, you know that.”

“I know, that’s why I said If I didn’t know you.” Add ‘duh’ to the phrase and she was calling him dumb. “Are you paying attention to me, Starboy?” She asked with her hand on her waist, like a mom when she was mad at something.

Yes, I can only focus on you when you are present and even when you are not, you are the only thing I can think about. “Yes, Little Miss, so drop that tone.” He was about to take a sip of tea but smiled, and giggled when he saw her rolling his eyes at him. “Don’t do that either.” And just to infuriate him, she rolled them more exaggeratedly. It’s too early in the morning to go to that place, Hayden, so don’t do it. Plus you would not be able to come back. Keep it professional. Quickly, he changed the subject. “I'm here in LA.”

The bowl almost fell from her hands and her mouth was opened in surprise. “You’ve been here this whole time?”

He nodded. “Yeah, Bri and her mom live here so I’m staying here to be with her and not see her over a screen. It’s tedious.” It’s tedious seeing you over a screen too, but it would be more tedious to not see you at all.

“Yeah, tell me about it.” She nodded while pouring the mix into the pan. “But that’s sweet of you. You are a great dad, Hayden.” It came to his notice that she said his name only in important/serious matters and when she wanted him to know she was telling the truth.

And oh how he loved it when his name rolled out her lips, how he would like to hear it in the most unprofessional, not pg-13, scenarios and tones. Drop it, Hayden.

Mid May 2020, clearing doubts and new beginnings.

He was alone in his house, Briar was with her mom and although he tried to read, watch a series and even designed something for his patio, nothing could take his mind out of her. She plagued his mind more frequently at that point and the last time they Facetimed was a couple of days ago.

Fuck it. He was calling her. Her contact name was ‘Little Miss’ staring back at him, no picture. It rang for a few and when he was about to hang up her face came up. 

She was looking at the side, her profile in clear view. Airpods, messy hair falling into her face, eyebrows frowned, mouth a little agape and his eyes got lost in how she licked her lips before talking. What would they taste like? Was she talking to him? Was she talking with someone else? Was he interrupting? Was she with someone else? 

“Hey.” Her tone was cheerful. “How are you?”

“Good, good.” He nodded, still with his eyes locked on her lips. “You?” She was looking at something away from her phone, making funny faces. “I called at a bad time? I can call you later.”

This time she looked at him with a tiny smile on her lips. “Not that your calls bother me at any time,” he smiled at her words. “but can I call you in twenty?”

With the smile you are giving me, how can I ever deny you? “Yeah, of course. Take your time.” He nodded with a smile on his lips

“Thank you, I’ll call you right back.” She blew him a kiss and hung up before he could even react.

Was that a kiss or I’m hallucinating? Her lips looked more beautiful than normal or it was just that I hadn’t seen her in person for such a long time? He went to the kitchen to get something to drink and watch the sky to clear his mind because all that he thought about were those lips.

Time seemed to fly while he admired the sky, from the outside, but in reality, he was comparing the feeling of her lips to the sensation of touching clouds. Both foreign to and, yet, Hayden could bet all the money in his bank account that they were soft, heavenly-like, addictive and like nothing he had ever experienced in all his years of living. Not very professional of you, Hayden, thinking about your coworker’s lips.

The sound of his phone ringing brought him back to the real world and with a smile he answered. “Hello.” 

“Hi.” Her hair was still messy but with no frown. He tried to not look at her lips to be able to focus on her. “Sorry about earlier.”

An apologetic smile appeared on her lips but he shook his head. “Not at all, you were occupied?”

“Yeah,” she lifted her shoulders in a nonchalant gesture, “the kids arrived like two seconds before you called so they were all over the place.” While she was moving around the place, he caught a few glimpses here and there about her house.

“Kids?” He had one eyebrow raised and his head tilted to the side. 

“Yeah.” A smile appeared on her lips. “Not mine but something like that.” Okay, that confused him as hell and she seemed to notice it. “My niece and nephew.” 

He nodded remembering. “I’m sorry, I assume you had kids and-

He was quick to apologise but it was her turn to shake her head. Laughing. “It’s okay, Hayden.” Hearing his name coming from her lips made him smile widely. “I talk about them as if they were mine, so the confusion is expected.”

He looked unsure but she smiled at him. “So they stay with you?” She was looking up from the screen from time to time.

“Yeah, my sister and brother-in-law are doctors,” he listened attentively to her words, cheering for her trust in him “So, the kids stay with me to be safe.” and nodded. “Besides I’m the fun cool single aunt with a big house that lets them get a little wild from time to time.” She laughed at her own words.

And he did too, tilting his head back. His Adam's apple was bobbing up and down in full display for her to see. When he looked back at her, he caught her just in time licking her lips and her eyes a little lost. What’s she looking at? Lost something? Her cheeks have always been that red or has it happened now? The thoughts started clouding him so he cleared his throat and her eyes travelled back to his. “It’s nice that you are taking care of them.”

“Huh?” He smirked, she giggled and he did too. The laughter of one made the other laugh harder as if they were little kids again. Five minutes passed before it died down and it wasn’t even that funny. “Oh God.” She cleared a tear from the corner of her eyes, while he chuckled. “What did you say?”

He snorted, shaking his head. “That is nice what you are doing.”

She smiled at his words. “They are the closest I have to my own kids, it’s not like I’m adopting orphans or donating piles of money to the health of my country.” In the last part, she gave him a knowing look and before he could say something she kept talking. “It’s the least I can do while their parents are saving people and risking their lives.” He nodded understandingly.

They kept talking for a little while until she had to hang up, but this time there was no kiss blown in his direction. Which made him a little sad, if he was honest. Why would you? You two are nothing except coworkers.

A few weeks passed when they didn’t Facetime as much as before because he didn’t want to interrupt her time with the kids, he knew how handful one kid was, let alone two. Plus he was trying to keep his emotions at bay, they were starting to get wild and he couldn't let that happen. But, they texted frequently, small things here and there to stay in touch, although he preferred a thousand times more seeing her face. A little contradictory, don’t you think Hayden?

He and Briar were cooking together, more like the little girl was sitting on the island while he did all the work when Facetime came in. "How hard can it be to build a kid's playground?" Her desperate voice reached his ears, making him laugh.

"Hello to you too." He teased her.

"Hi." It came all muffled by the groan that left her lips. 

His eyes found Briar's, who was giggling, and he did it too. "Now, tell me. What are you building?"

She exhaled loudly while he kept making lunch. "I bought a small kind of playground or something like that." He nodded, a little confused. "Thinking it couldn't be that hard to put together and surprise! IT IS." The pair, father and daughter, laughed again. She lifted her head from the papers in her hands for the first time and looked at him with a frown on her forehead. "Am I interrupting something?" 

He shook his head and Briar, with the curious nature of a five-year-old, moved her head to see his phone. "Hello." 

"Oh hi!" She looked surprised but with a smile on her face.

"I'm Briar Rose, and you?" The little girl introduced herself and she did too, still with a smile on her lips and a cheerful tone. "Where are you friends with my daddy?" She asked innocently. "Briar Rose!" Hayden said in his dad's tone.

But she laughed, a genuine laugh. Not like the ones he heard her give when she was nervous or uncomfortable, so he relaxed. "From work, we are working together." See?! COWORKERS! She said it herself.

The little girl nodded. "Bri, you helped me choose a present for her a few months ago, remember?" She seemed to think about it and then nodded.

"Oh, you helped him?" Briar nodded eagerly and she smiled. "I loved the flowers, they were so pretty. Thank you." She bowed her head and the little girl blushed a little.

He couldn't see her face directly, because Bri's head was in the way while she got comfortable in front of the phone, making him smile. "Really?" 

"Yeah." Just by her tone, he could see her, in his brain, smiling. "I put them on a desk in the centre of my office so everyone could see them." Those little blue eyes opened wide in surprise "Every person that entered my office that day, loved them. You picked right." and a big happy smile appeared on her face.

Hayden saw how closely Briar was looking at her, how she tilted her head to the side from time to time while they talked. "Why are you building a playground?" He looked at them from the corner of his eyes.

"My niece and nephew, Brianna and Daniel, are 6 and staying still is not their thing." He laughed, picturing himself as a little boy and understood what she was saying. "The other day they told me they missed the park."

"I missed it too, but Daddy has a swing on the patio for me," Briar told her and she opened her eyes in surprise, following along. "So I don't miss it that much."

"Well, I had a similar thinking to your Daddy's" What? Come again? "and since I cannot watch them being sad, I bought a small playground for our patio." The little girl nodded.

"In a cool, fun aunt way." He added. 

"Exactly." She laughed and the little girl did it too. "Besides, I don't want Daniel jumping out the balcony ‘cause he's bored out of his mind.” He raised his eyebrows. “I swear to you, that kid is wild.”

They laughed, the three of them. "So you bought a playground for them?" Hayden asked in disbelief.

"Kind of?" She sounded unsure and Briar laughed.

He looked at the two of them with a smile on his lips. "Do you even have the tools to set it up?"

They looked at each other and she had that irritated face that he found so cute, so endearing. A big smile appeared on his lips, unwittingly, naturally. "I'm not silly, I bought everything at once."

"Of course you did." He said under his breath found it funny. You and your like for order.  

She nodded, putting a wild strand of hair behind her ear. "In my defence," she held her finger up and he raised an eyebrow, ready to hear her excuse "It seemed like a great idea." She sounded so sure, so convinced.

"How?!" He was frowning, his deep tone a little higher than normal.

She got comfortable behind the screen and they did too, their lunch almost ready. "I ordered it the next day they told me that, and with the protocols and everything, it arrived a day after they left, which is today." They nodded. "I thought of building it myself so when they came back, in like a week give or take, they would be surprised." 

"That's nice," Briar said.

"I know. Thank you, Briar." She winked at the little girl and she tried to mimic but failed, making the two adults laugh. "But I didn't think it was that hard to build it!”

The little girl giggled, making her father, and her, laugh. “It didn't come with instructions?” 

“Yes.” She shook the papers in her hand for him to see. “and I saw a few YouTube tutorials but it's not as easy as it seems.” They laughed again. “So I was this close” she put her pointer finger and thumb a little close to measuring “to a mental breakdown when a lightbulb went on in my head so I said ‘Hey, I have a friend” Friend?! That’s an improvement from coworkers. “who's really into design and architecture and has a beautiful daughter” she winked at Briar, making her giggle “so he would know how to help me’ and that’s how we are here.” She finished with a big smile on her lips and batted her eyelashes as if that was necessary for him to help her.

The little girl looked at him with a smile, fully engrossed with all that was happening. “What do you say, Bri, should we help her?” He looked around, thinking, tapping his chin with his finger, acting as if he was weighing his options, but his beloved daughter tugged his shirt, impatient. “Yeah, daddy, help her.” Hayden looked at her, at that smile on her lips, then at Briar who was mimicking the face she had moments ago. “Okay, we will help her.”

They both celebrated, even high-five through the screen, and he couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his lips, the warm feeling that ran through his body and the hope. Hope? Hope of what? Keep it professional Hayden. 

After she sent them photos of the instructions, at his request, they had lunch, over Facetime, while he looked at everything from his tablet and they, Briar Rose and she, chatted. Scratch that, Bri did all the talking while she listened closely. 

She told her about her classes, about his dad’s farm and all the animals, asked about her niece and nephew, and all kinds of topics they did. All that, while Hayden half listened to them, looked at them interact with a smile on his lips, and half daydreamed, but never once reading at the papers in his tablet, always acting as if he was. 

Stop it, Hayden, you are working together. You already went down that road and the only good thing that came out of it’s Briar, so don’t even think about it.

"Isn't that right, daddy?" Briar was looking at him but he frowned, a little lost. “She looks like Bubble.”

“As in The Powerpuff Girls?” But the little girl shook his head.

The brunette was thinking of any recent character his daughter saw that could resemble her. She was wearing a green flannel shirt, too big for her, that matched her skin tone, her hair held up messily, making it seem like she had a pixie cut and lighter, by the light that was hitting on it, and glasses, he noticed she was wearing them more frequently. I like how they look at you. Really? Not very professional of you.

“Bubble like the fairies movies, Daddy. The one we watched the other day, remember?” He was really trying to remember what movie she was talking about because they watched too many. 

But she seemed to realise what she was talking about. “Tinkerbell?” Briar nodded eagerly.

“The one with big glasses, wearing green, that's always building something and it's funny." She explained. "Bubble!"

If he remembered correctly it was a male fairy and his name wasn't Bubble. "Oh, the one that was in love with Tinkerbell?" Briar nodded again. "Bobble.”

"Bubble." The little girl corrected, but even though it was wrong, she nodded.

Haydey found it extremely cute, and funny, the resemblance his daughter found in her. A little magical, mythical, figure a little bit clumsy, extremely passionate about his work and art. Briar Rose wasn't that far from reality, they were similar but at the same time, she was like no one he ever knew. 

"Bubble." He tasted it on his tongue and it suited her just fine. 

She laughed, shaking her head "I'll take it" and arranged her glasses. "But, if I'm Bubble, you, my friend" Again with it. she pointed at him "Are going to be Moose." A smug smile appeared on her lips, his little girl laughed and he did too, amazed at the name.

"Moose?" He asked in disbelief.

She nodded. "You are Canadian and tall as a door. It suits you just fine."

"Fair enough, Bubble." She smiled, proud, with her chin held high. "And me?" Briar asked, not wanting to be left out, looking at both of them.

"Can I?" She mouthed, her eyes connected with his, asking for permission, and he nodded. "What you say about 'Princess'?”

Hayden knew she would love it. "Yes! I love it!" The little girl danced in her seat. They looked at each other, she was frowning but he gave her a smile, to reassure her it was alright and she nodded.

June 2020, planning dates and weird texts.

Saying their relationship was becoming something more was an understatement and that put him in a tough spot. They were more than coworkers, that much was for sure. They were friends? Probably on her part, but Hyaden had feelings he felt he should not have. Feelings? I know nothing about that. That’s very unprofessional. Feelings he would not speak about. Feelings he would deny and bury deep inside him because it was unprofessional. So, the only rational reaction he came up with was to distance himself a little, but not too much. They still talked over text and Facetime, but the last ones were from time to time, weeks in between them, not as often as they used to. 

He and Briar were watching some movie, comfortably lying on the sofa, his little girl with her feet on his lap really engrossed in the movie ‘Anastasia’. A recommendation the little girl got as soon as ‘Bubble, what movie should we watch now?’ left her lips. When she found out that her daddy’s friend made movies, she was over the moon, asking for movie recommendations left and right, almost like Hayden did on one of their facetime at the beginning. 

This was one of those times when they were texting about God knows what. Sometimes they had separate conversations while texting each other like they were having their own monologues on the same chat. 

I've never understood why people in movies used to send boxes with people inside as a gift

He frowned at the text, tilting his head to the side. 

Huh?

WHAT’S IN THE BOX?! Type or what?

The three dots appeared and seconds later the response came. 

Not that gore

But you know, like when someone jumps out of a cake

Like a surprise 

His frown deepened.

What movie are you watching?

Singing in the rain

A smile appeared on his lips. 

You have something for musicals, don’t you?

Shut up, Moose

He couldn't contain his laugh and Briar shushed him. “I’m watching the movie, daddy.” The little girl complained. 

“Sorry, sweetie.” He smiled at her, not that she paid attention to him, and looked back to his phone. 

You definitely have something with them, because I’m watching Anastasia and that’s on you

It’s a great movie, Bri is going to love it

He nodded, watching how invested his little girl was with the movie. 

She already does

And you are not even trying to deny the musical part

They are my guilty pleasure, shut up

He chuckled, tilting his head back. Who would have thought? 

So……

People jumping out of boxes/cakes are not your thing I gather

Of course not, like that's scary as hell. 

He laughed, again. 

Don't laugh

A frown emerged on his face, a little surprised.

How did you know I was laughing? 

‘Cause I know you

Those words made him smile, proud of such thing.

And people laugh when I tell them about my unusual fear

For some reason, it didn’t seem right to him that someone laughs at her fears, no matter how small or foolish they seemed. 

I promise not to laugh

Tell me about it

It was true, he wanted to know about it. About her. 

Why would someone do something like that? 

Why would someone want the birthday person to have a heart attack for the scare?

Don’t you think that’s a little dramatic?

No, it’s common sense

Sure, Bubble, whatever let you sleep at night

Certainly not that idea 

Call me when that happens, we will take care of it together

The together part put a smile on his lips. In a friendly context, nothing more.

I will

To put your mind at ease, I promise to never send you those kind of things 

Thank u

He could see her with a smile on her lips, that kind, sweet, smile so characteristic of her. 

A couple of days later they were Facetiming, he called because he missed her voice but he was trying to mentally keep his distance. It was like a battle was being held inside him. I miss your voice, but saying it out loud may be too much. It may change everything and I don’t want that. I’m not prepared for that.

“Are you okay?” Her voice brought him back to reality.

The brunette nodded “Yeah, why?” with a frown on his forehead.

She shrugged, pursing her lips. “I don’t know, I-” She seemed to think about her next words and he raised his eyebrows, curious about them. “It’s gonna sound lame, but I feel like we don’t talk as much as we did before.”

The sadness Hayden saw in her eyes, even through his screen, made him heartache, but he knew she was right. That wasn’t what I wanted. No, don’t look at me like that. Please. “Yeah, sorry about that.” He was quick to apologise but she shook her head. “I have lots of things in my mind.”

“Hey, I didn’t say that to make you feel bad. It wasn’t at all my intention.” His eyes could see her manicured hand on her chest and a little frown on her eyebrows. “I meant it as, I know this whole staying-at-home thing is taking a toll on people and their mental health, so if you want to talk about it, or don’t, just know I’m here, Hayden.” The sincerity in her tone took him aback, but it shouldn’t have. 

One time, he made a fleeting comment about his mental health after finishing Star Wars in 2005, trying to make his advice more clear for her. Hayden didn’t think that she would remember it, but it seemed he was mistaken. She remembered everything that came out of his mouth. The donations to Canada, his love for architecture, an embarrassing story about his childhood, his birthday, every little detail. So why wouldn’t she remember that little comment? 

The sudden trainwreck of emotions inside him almost made him choke. “Thank you, Bubble.” There wasn’t a need for words, his eyes told her everything with how shiny they were and the smile on his lips was so soft, so sweet.

A sincere smile appeared on her lips, but she shrugged again. Taking a little off the emotion and seriousness of the moment before it became too much. “You would do the same for me.”

“Of course.” He said not missing a beat.

“So you don’t need to thank me.” She winked at him and that simple gesture made him feel lighter.

They stayed like that, talking for hours, making up for the lost time, enjoying seeing the other faces and hearing their voices. He moved from his studio to the kitchen, ready to start dinner for one, while she was still seated in her patio with her book on the same page she was when he called. 

As she watched him move around his large kitchen, she couldn't help but become entranced by his movements. The allure of his every gesture left her feeling a little lost in the moment. “What are you cooking?”

He scratched the tip of his nose with the back of his hand. “Pizza.” She giggled when she saw that the tip of his nose was full of flour. “What are you laughing at?”

“You look cute with your nose full of flour.” She said in between laughs. 

He rolled his eyes but blushed at the compliment. "Well I can't clean it right now so, focus on something else other than my handsome face." He teased her.

"It's going to be a very hard task focusing on something else." She followed his lead. "Your beauty is very distracting." Was she teasing me back? Or was she telling the truth?

"Haha, very funny, Bubble." He kept his face down, looking at what he was doing for her to not notice the blush that started creeping to his cheeks.

"I'm hilarious, I know." She moved her hair back, with a smug face. And he laughed but rolled his eyes. "Back to the pizza."

"Yeah, back to the pizza."

"You pick a few skills from Little Italy, I see." She got closer to the screen to watch what he was doing.

"First of all," he raised a finger full of flour "I was a very good pizza aficionado before the movie-"

"Show-off" She faked a cough.

He rolled his eyes again, trying not to laugh. "But, yes. I picked a few things up." He mixed the sauce.

"I wouldn't know, I have never tasted it." She had a tiny smile on her lips and her eyes had a particular shine. Or maybe it's the light from my house playing tricks with me.

"Maybe when all this pandemic is over, I can cook for you." He said looking at her, what he was doing was long forgotten, his attention solemnly on her.

The smile on her lips was breathtaking mixed with the warm light of the sun on her patio made the image burn in his brain. "I will like that very much." 

His heart was beating furiously inside his chest. "It's a date then? I'm having a heart attack, surely. There's no other explanation.

She nodded, with a tiny blush on her cheeks. "It's a date." A bright smile, teeth and all.

Well, so much for keeping it professional Hayden.

July 2020, seeing you shine. 

The night was darker than normal and more humid than usual in July. Not a sound could be heard in his house, besides the one caused by the weather. The hot summer weather was starting to bother him a little so the storm that was rising outside made him happy.

Miss Bubble

You up?

Confused as hell, he looked at the hour. What was she doing up at three in the morning? Was she alright? Something happened to her? Was she in danger? All the possible bad scenarios were occurring in his head, so he called her. 

Pick up, Bubble, pick up. Not long passed before she answered him. 

“Are you alright?” Those were the first words that left his mouth when her face came into view. 

She nodded “Yeah, you?” confused.

The brunette frowned. “Yeah. Something happened?”

“No. Why?”

“Cause you texted me at three in the morning and I thought that something had happened to you, so I got scared.” He explained. 

She closed her eyes and scrunched her nose. “Sorry about that, I truly didn’t mean to.” An apologetic smile appeared on her lips. “I appreciate you worrying about me, it’s really sweet.”

“Are you okay?” His heart was still beating furiously. 

“A little guilty but 100% fine.” She gave him a tight smile. Hearing she was right relaxed him, all the muscles in his body loosened. “Did I wake you up?”

“Nono, I was already up.” He was sitting comfortably on the couch, his feet on the little table there and resting his phone on the thigh, cigarette in the other hand. “Why are you in the dark, though?” He squinted his eyes to look at her better.

The sound of her sitting comfortably could be heard. “I love thunderstorms and being in the dark makes them more beautiful.” You are beautiful, even in the dark. “What about you?”

He smiled at her “I'm enjoying the peaceful silence and the sound of the rain.” and took a drag of his cigarette.

“I can call you back some other time, at a decent hour.” She quickly said. “I didn’t want to bother you.”

She could see him shaking his head, thanks to the warm light that was illuminating his face. “No, no. It's okay.” He reassured her with a smile. “We can enjoy this together.” Again with the ‘together’. “you, your thunderstorm and me, my silence.”

A massive thunder illuminated the sky and he saw the big smile on those lips. “I would love that.” She was smiling because of me or because of the thunder?

“Great.” He smiled, getting comfortable.

Who knows how long it passed where his gaze took turns looking at her and then at the water falling against his big window. Her doe eyes were looking in the distance, her lips curving in a smile every time a thunder made everything tremble. The light it provided made her, in his eyes, illuminated, and shine. A few times their eyes connected and a tiny smile appeared on her lips. 

Unknowing to him, she looked at him every time she felt his eyes move from the screen. Fascinated by how the cigarette smoke danced around him with the warm light that was reflecting on his face and making his hair look golden-like and his eyes had a particular shine. The artistic part of her wanted to be there, on her knees in front of him, in the angle she was from her phone, with her precious video camera in hand recording every second of him smoking that damn cigarette. 

It dangled over his large fingers, but it never quite felt, on the way to his lips. Oh, those lips. They wrapped around the filter part and he hollowed his cheeks, making his bone structure more prominent. How would it feel to trace his face with the tip of my fingers? Maybe, just maybe, to finish off killing her, he exhaled the smoke through his nose tilting his head back. How can he make something so deadly as smoking, so hot, so alluring? Her eyes traced his neck, the veins there. Where is his weak spot? Can I find it with my lips? 

Hayden felt her stare on him, how she was tilting her head from side to side the whole time he took a drag, slowly, just to tease her. When he moved his head, just a little bit to see her, he felt as if his heart stopped beating normally and started a fucking race. Her cheeks were flushed, even in the dark he could see it. Her lower lip was caged by her teeth and the need to free it made his hands itch. When he finally reached her eyes, oh those eyes, pupils dark and intense, lost in him, lost in desire.

If her eyes were dark, the blue in his was long gone too but that didn’t stop him from looking her up and down. The grip she had on the blanket around her was so tight that her knuckles were losing colour. The fine strip of her pyjama top was falling from her shoulder, leaving him free access for his eyes to trace the journey from her clavicle, to her neck to the jaw. He gulped at such a display of skin, feeling like a horny thirteen-year-old, Will I ever have the privilege to feel her skin with my lips?, like he travelled back in time and was one of those men that get horny by a glimpse of an ankle.

Their eyes finally met and it was like someone left hell and heaven gates opened. They were on Facetime but the tension, the burning sensation, around them was real. They both felt it. But at the same time, they were sure that giving in would be like touching the sky. It would be a sin I would be glad to commit.

Hayden said her name in a low and husky tone. His tone is going to be the death of me.

"Hayden," she replied, trying to keep her own voice steady, but failing miserably. Whisper my name in my ear with your soft tone. Shout it at the top of your lungs too. 

That simple gesture of saying the other’s name made the tension grow stronger. Their hearts were racing, they were heavily breathing.

He leant closer, and brought her closer, more like his phone screen, to say something. What are you going to say, Hayden? That you want to cross the line so far with her so damn much it would look like a fucking dot if you look back? That you know it’s unprofessional the feelings you have for her? That those eleven years between you two are going to be the death of you? 

She swallowed hard, ready for whatever he was going to say. Are you ready to admit that you have been dying to kiss him, tangling your fingers in his hair, since the first day you saw him? Are you going to tell him that only by looking at you he makes you weak on the knees and that you have to mentally restrain yourself to not giggle and twirl your hair?

There was only one thing that was running around in their minds. Not physical, because there were plenty of those in their heads. God, I wish you were here with me, I wish I had you right here in front of me so I could kiss you. Show you all the things I feel for you but that I’m too cowardly to tell. 

A very loud thunder broke the bubble they were wrapped in and brought them back from the tunnel they were getting themselves into. He cleared his throat and looked at the ceiling of his house, taking a deep breath, while she arranged her hair and sat straight. “Look at the time.” What, Hayden? Are you an idiot?

“Yeah, it’s-” She cleared her throat too because her voice sounded breathless “It’s getting late.”

The brunette nodded, agreeing with her. “Yeah, yeah.” Truth be told, it was like five-thirty in the morning. 

The two fools bid goodbye, saying that they would be heading to bed and that they would call some other time. But instead, they stayed sitting in their respective houses. Going over and over again what happened. How they almost gave in in the heat of the moment.

September 2020, you never cease to amaze me.

If the sweet moments were too much before, the sexual tension of that July night was something that went out of their hands. 

Since that call, Hayden’s brain has been playing tricks with him almost every night. Dreaming all sorts of things with her, it was divided between the nastiest of them and the most domestic too. Railing her watching the Eiffel Tower, leaving love bites all over the visible, just for him, parts of her body and then taking a walk on the French streets hand in hand, or having coffee in the morning and cleaning the foam off the tip of her nose and then kissing it.

Dreaming of her never failed to leave him wishing for more, praying for more. After a very vivid, specific, hot dream where he wasn’t going to be able to look her in the eyes for a good couple of days, he had to put space between them. So the facetimes were a big no because the dream kept repeating in the back of his mind, every day, and looking her in the eye would make a mess of him.

But now, after nearly two months, he was more than happy to look at her beautiful face. Eager even. Why? Curiosity got the best of him and he had googled her, just to see her work and ended up watching a movie of hers. To say he was fascinated, and amazed was understandable. Hayden always knew she was incredible, but the way he ended up at the edge of his seat, wanting more of her art, was something that didn’t happen every time he watched a movie. 

 She answered right away, her glasses on the bright of her nose. “Hi.” 

“You…you…” she looked at him, raising an eyebrow, “you are a work of art.” Coming up strong I see. The truth in his voice, in his eyes, came from his heart.

Slowly, a smile appeared on her lips “What?” and a little laugh escaped them.

“I just watched one of your movies and…and…” she looked like a deer caught in headlights “and it’s amazing.” A smile adorned his lips. “You are amazing.” 

She dropped what she was doing and looked directly at him. “You really think that?” 

“Of course.” Sincerity laced in his tone. “I think that since I met you, sorry if I never told you, Bubble.” The way she looked down, hiding her cute smile, made his hands itch to lift her chin to be able to see it in person.

“A little reminder from time to time, wouldn’t harm you know.” She joked, making him laugh.

“Sure, I’ll remind it to you.” He winked. “But not all the time, we wouldn’t want you to be a show-off.” It was her turn to laugh about it. Her sweet laugh was music to his ears.

Hayden turned into a fan of hers, bombarding her with questions left and right about what inspired her, why things were how they were in the movie and every little detail about it. And she happily answered it, giving him her complete attention.

The title ‘Little Miss Director’ was too small for her, actually, it didn’t fit her at all. In his eyes, and surely in the eyes of everyone who met her, she was a great director, a splendid artist worthy of awards. It didn’t matter that she was young. The brunette was eager to see her in her element, in the field guiding the team so that the vision she had for the script, which she was putting sweat and tears into making, would come true.

“Ewan’s words did not make you justice, nor to your work.” 

She frowned. “What did he say?”

“Basically, that you were amazing.” She giggled, nervously, blush creeping to her cheeks. “But nothing more, I tried to pry details away but he didn’t slip, not even once.” He joked and a true laugh escaped her lips. A proud smile plastered on his face by the fact of being able to make her laugh.

She nodded. “At this point, I think he’s as proud of me as my dad.” They laughed.

“He is!” The brunette reassured her. “Crazy proud.” 

“I adored him.” She confessed and he nodded, feeling the same for the Scottish.

You adore me too?  “And he always said that you are a well-deserved award winner.”

She opened her eyes big, “Yes, I have a few.” and mumbled.

At that point, he was comfortably seated on his sofa, hand supporting his head and his attention fully on her. “I know.” She raised her eyebrows, surprised. “I may or may not have googled you.” He admitted hiding his face, a little ashamed. Perfect, now she would think I'm some creep stalking her. But her sweet laugh reached his ears.

“Please tell me how unflattering the pictures are?” She asked, still laughing. “I’ve never googled myself.”

He shook his head. “There’s no pictures of you.” She frowned. “Which I found odd for someone who has three Spirit Awards under her belt, one feature film nominated in Cannes and one Caméra d’Or.” He had a proud smile on his lips and she blushed but with a smile so big it closed her eyes. “Absolutely amazing.” He clapped at her and she blushed harder. “I’m crazy proud of you too.” While I’m at it, why don’t I tell her that I have a 13-year-old boy crush on her? Make myself 100% embarrassed.

Maybe it was the lighting in her house, maybe it was his imagination, but Hayden could swear she had tears in her eyes. “Thank you, Hayden.” The brunette nodded. 

They talked a little more about the awards and the technical aspects of the movies she made. “One thing I still don’t understand is” she raised an eyebrow, curiously “How a face like yours isn’t plastered all over the place?”

“Is that a compliment?” Her head tilted to the side. 

“Of course it is,” he said, nodding. “You are absolutely beautiful.” Subtlety is not my thing, clearly.

It was like he was trying to see how many times he could make her blush in a single conversation. Because those words made her red like a tomato, to the point she could feel how warm her cheeks were. “Thank you.” And he bowed his head again, happy to compliment her. “The photo thing is because I try to blend in as much as possible,” he frowned, “which is easy, when what all the people are most interested in is taking photos of the young models and big actresses there.”

He tried to rack his brain thinking of what young models or actresses had that she hadn't. And the answer was nothing. She was beautiful, like a breath of fresh air, fashionable and had a smile that could light up any room. But behind everything physical, she was funny, artistic and intelligent like no other. Hayden was pretty sure his words came up short if he tried to describe her. 

“Besides,” her voice brought him back, “I wanted to be taken seriously at that time for future works, so if there wasn’t a picture of me it was better.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t want to be judged by my age, which people tend to do.” She pursed her lips. “No one would hire me to do a movie if they found out I was that young when I started. Not that the no pictures stopped them, because when they saw me in person a few backed down from the offer, but I fought tooth and nail for my art, my work.”

The scene in the first reading table came to his mind. “You still do.” She nodded. “That’s why you ran after standing your ground in the incident with the writer that time?”

She nodded. “He was rude as hell, not the first time that a male writer was rude to me, but the condescending way he said it boiled my blood.” She remembered, shaking her head. “I had to get away from that room before I lost my mind.” That was why he hadn’t found her when he looked for her. “But, back on topic, I like having a low profile”

He nodded, “Yeah that’s a feeling I can resemble.” She raised her eyebrows for a few seconds. “I like my private life.”

“I totally agree, like I will not make my life a circus for all the media to pick apart.” They were both nodding eagerly, happy to be thinking the same thing. “I mean, I'll pose if it's strictly necessary, otherwise I'll avoid it like the plague.” She said laughing.

He tilted his head to the side, frowning. “What you mean?”

She shrugged. “All the flashes and screams, being the centre of attention, the madness, I don't know, it gives me anxiety.” He knew what she was talking about. “And I like being behind the camera, I’m much more comfortable there.”

It was a little criminal to him that something as beautiful as she liked to be hidden from the lenses, away from the world to witness, but a tiny part of him, the selfish part, loved being one of the few who really knew her, or was starting to do. 

At that point, the list of things Hayden noticed about her turned into a notepad. The things he kept learning about her day after day, text after text, facetime after Facetime, meant a lot to him. The trust she had in him made him feel special.

Next Part →

TAGLIST: @frommywindow27 // @lillianacristina // @shyartisanvoidwagon // @watersquirtpewpewboomm // @yomommaandyogranny // @shqwqrma // @florence-vikander // @bryjohn98 // @its-sappho-biotch // @mysardencut // @fan-goddess // @weallhaveadestiny // @hueanhdang // @ittybitty-rt // @fromasgardandback // @mmb-09 // @elisamoons // @harryisacuties // @little-diable // @angie2274

[felixbit]

decorating

── flufftober day eleven, masterlist tbd lee know x gn!reader, w. 1.1k

As things began to pick up, it was very clear decorating was in order. Both you and Minho had been busy with other things that making the place look festive for Halloween had gone onto the back burner for a while.

So, you’d asked Minho on your first day you both had off together if you could do a full day of shopping and decorating. He was pretty enthusiastic about wanting to decorate, although it didn’t seem like his style. Either way, you piled into the car with a destination and a plethora of ideas in your head.

Once you’d arrived at the store, you made a beeline for the Halloween decorations and found multiple people already perusing. Minho got distracted pretty fast while you looked through every aisle, getting a quick idea of everything they had around.

By the time you’d gone through looking at everything, you found Minho kneeling down and holding something in his hand. Tapping him on the shoulder, he looked up at you with stars in his eyes, holding what was in his palm up for you to see.

It was a skeleton cat decoration. Minho was grinning profusely. “Do you like it?” He asked.

“Why am I not surprised?” You chuckled, nodding your head, “I love it.”

“So, we can..” Minho looked sheepishly at the rest of the cat decorations that had seemed to all be grouped together in one spot.

Sighing, you nodded. “Go wild.. I’ll be back, there’s other things we need to get. Just put stuff in the basket and I’ll check back and make sure you haven’t gone mad picking out cat stuff.”

Minho looked like a kid in a candy store for the few seconds you saw him looking through all of the spooky cats, but you had to pry your eyes from your overexcited boyfriend. Your attention turned back to the task at hand: pick out some items that you could put around the apartment.

Your haul ended up being not too significant, but enough that you knew you could put at least two or three things in every room while making room for whatever Minho had in store.

When you checked back, you were shocked but not surprised to see the basket filled with cat decor. He’d even gone so far as to slip away to grab some cat-themed Halloween cookies and put them on top of the rest. Sighing and shaking your head, you looked at Minho whose attention was still taken by the shelves. “Wow.”

Whipping his head towards you, Minho looked around a little nervous. “You said.. go wild.”

“And that you did, Min, that you did.” You said in disbelief as you looked at the plethora of things he’d collected. “Can I convince you to stop before you grab anything else?”

Another cat item was in his hand, but he slowly placed it back down on the shelf where he found it. “Do you think we have enough?”

“Maybe, but we can always come back later if you think we need more,” You gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder, and he nodded.

Minho looked a little dejected as you finally began to walk to the register to check out. The cashier luckily complimented the two of you on your collection of cat-themed items, and that brought Minho’s smile back. He gave a small ‘thank you’ before you paid and left the store.

As you put your things in the car and climbed back into the passenger seat, you turned to your boyfriend. “So, you ready to finally decorate? The apartment has looked far too dull for how far we are into October.”

“Yeah, I think we need to give it a little life,” Minho agreed as he started the car, pulling out of his parking spot and beginning the trip home.

The car ride was nice and peaceful, getting to look at all the leaves that had begun to change color and fall onto the sidewalks, bringing out a new color to the otherwise gray walkways.

The drive wasn’t all that far, but it was a bit of a challenge bringing up all of the decorations you and Minho had picked out. They had to separate them into quite a few bags just to make sure they didn’t break on the way home, so it took a few trips up and down to the car to get them all into the apartment.

Once you had finally gotten everything sorted and gotten settled in, you and Minho began to sort the decorations out and set them in groups. There were a surprising variety of cats that made it into more groups than you expected, but there were no complaints on your end.

That task didn’t take too long, and then the two of you got to planning out which room got what. This took a bit of bickering and compromise, but you got through it. Minho had decided almost all of the decorations going into the bedroom had to be cat-related.

You’d begun to set up the decorations with Minho when one of your actual cats walked in, which stole Minho’s attention. You’d hardly thought about it until you heard a small yell from Minho and turned around to see the commotion.

He held the skeleton cat decoration, the first one he’d found, in his hand and had begun to scold the cat. You walked over, giving the cat some pets and looking at Minho curiously.

“What did Soonie do, honey?” You asked, picking your cat up in your arms.

Minho scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Tried to knock this over and break it! I was surprised I even caught it..”

You gave Soonie a few more pats before setting him down on the bed, where he promptly laid himself down into a loaf. “Well, he certainly looks sorry for almost breaking his cat brethren.”

The rest of the decorating process sped up, the vision becoming clear between the two of you. It had only taken another hour and a half before you put on the final touches. You’d done a full walk through with Minho, who seemed content with how it all turned out.

Minho decided to celebrate by bringing out the cat cookies to eat. They turned out to be very sweet, only able to eat one each before you retired back to your room.

You and Minho found all three cats on your bed, sighing at your space being occupied by your pets. “So.. do you want to watch a movie on the couch?” You asked.

“Mm. I can pick something out.” He nodded.

“Alright, I’ll light that candle we got. Could you grab a blanket?”

“Yep.”

[sterredem]

enough for you

Lando norris x ex!Singer!reader

Face claim Olivia Rodrigo

Warning comparison, angst (not really), not proofread, spelling mistakes (as always)

Summary basically just the song enough for you

A/N no part 2. I really love this one. It’s a bit short but still one of my favs.

Don’t forget to repast and comments. And dead back is also welcome❤️💜

Twitter

|———————————<3—————————————|

Real life

Y/n was miserable. That was to say the least.

While her relationship with Lando was at the beginning beautiful now it was… not. As the internet has seen she has changed herself. She begin to where make up. That was because she thought if she looked like the people he had dated before he would like her more. All that and all the hundreds of dollars spent on make up only for him to say he wasn’t the ‘compliment type’.

She also began reading his self-help books. That was because she wanted him to think she was smart- she was. That was besides the point, but she wanted her to seem intelligent in the things he read too.

Besides those things she did some things that he would like; she learned his coffee order, and how you can make. And she learned all his favourite songs. She now knew all of them by hard.

And still, with all that. He was an asshole. Sure he wasn’t mean but he could surtenly be nicer. Because while y/n did all those nice things, Lando just couldn’t get himself to appreciate it or acknowledge what she did.

And that is how she ended up here. Crying on the bathroom floor after she realised everything he did wrong. She realised it after seeing the comments left on her newest YouTube vlog. After that she also saw some twitter threads and then everything hit her. He was in the wrong, not her.

And she was done.

After a few hours of self pity she decided that it was time to get ready. What was she getting ready for you ask? A date with Lando…

Yeah maybe that wasn’t the best idea.

But she stood up and made herself look presentable. After waiting a few more minutes the doorbell rang and she walked to the door. There he stood. He looked good. But she knew what was to come. They greeted each other kind of awkwardly. They both knew that their relationship wasn’t the same as before.

They walked to his car and got to a restaurant where the date was.

That part of the date was alright. The part where it got wrong was when they both returned to the girls house. She invited him in and he took the invasion.

Once in and seated on the couch Lando began talking “Y/n I am so sorry to do this to you.” He began.

“Can you just get to the point?” The girl cut him off. She already had teary eyes.

“Alright. I want to break up. We just aren’t the same anymore. You are never satisfied with anything I do, and I just don’t love you anymore. I care about you as a friend, but not as a partner.” Lando said. It almost looked like he was trying to fake cry. But that happened more than once. Y/n had just accepted that he didn’t have much emotion for her once the 1 year mark passed. And that was 1 year ago.

Y/n was speechless. Well not really. But all what he had to say was ether insulting him, screaming at him or saying things she will regret. So she just waited till he soos something else. She knew that there will be something else. Thief relationship was more complicated to just leave because he ‘didn’t love her anymore’. She knew that.

“Y/n, say something. Please.” She didn’t. He repeated the sentence a few times. Every time he said it a bit louder. Until he was almost screaming. “Say something dammit! Be mad at me, scream at me, punch me. Anything! Just not silence.” Lando said. She had a suspicion why.

“Why Lando?” She whispered. Lando almost didn’t hear her. But he did. And he had a questioning look on his face.

“Why what?” He asked aloud. His voice a little softer than before.

“Why don’t you love me anymore? What is it? I know these is more to the story than you are saying.” She said. She was now talking aloud.

“I- Y/n. I am so sorry.” He said. He didn’t want to say it out loud. “I-“

“Just say it Lando! I deserve to know. You are breaking up with me. Just let me know why.” The girl said.

“Y/n. I don’t want to hurt you.” The boy said. She gave him a look. “Alright. I just- I haven’t loved you for some time. And so I just began talking to some people. And there was this girl- we didn’t do anything. But I have come to love her. I just- I am so sorry Y/n.”

That was the breaking point for the girl. She had a suspicion about it but him really saying it hurt. “Please just leave.” She said. She was now almost crying.

Lando took the hint and walked out of the room. He walked back with some paper towels for her and placed it on a table. “I will go home. I will bring your things at my house to your friend. Can you maybe packs a box with mine? You can just drop that off at mine when I am away on a racing weekend. I will put the keys of your house on the table by the front door.” Lando explained. With that he walked out of her house and placed the key on the table.

When she heard the door close she broke down. At this point she was filling crying. He found someone more exiting. All the things he had said hurt hear deep down. All she had ever wanted was to be enough for him.

Maybe she just wasn’t as interesting as all the girls before. But still- he couldn’t have cared less. She loved him more than she had ever loved someone else.

After a few more minutes of crying she stared thinking again. She didn’t want his sympathy she just wanted herself back.

She didn’t just broke her hard- he broke so much more.

She needed to think about something else. She first needed to poor her heart out and then get a distraction. But how could she do that best?

She had an idea. So she walked towards her music studio, grabbed her notebook and began writing. She sat there for a few hours. Writing, making melodies, recording voice notes and music notes. Until she almost had a whole song.

After that she called het best friend for a distraction. But not befit she had sent all the notes to her producer.

|———————————<3—————————————|

Instagram

Liked by TaylorSwift and 4.836.836 others

Yourusername ‘Enough for you’ out now! This is a song that is very close to me. I wrote this song a time of my life where it felt like there was no hope. I hope that you will all love this song as much as I do💜

View all 206.835 comments

Taylorswift Amazing song💜

SabrinaCarpenter A real masterpiece

Y/f/n 💜💜

Charles_Leclerc Another banger Y/n!

LewisHamilton Great job Y/n👏

OscarPiastri Always a great song when it is an Y/n y/l/n song

Maxverstappen1 We do love the song as much as you💜

Carlossainz55 Isn’t that good waste?

User1 OMG SO GOOD!!

User2 SO THIS IS ABOUT LANDO??? I am now a Lando hater!

User3 OMG! There are so many drivers in the grid! I think Lando last almost all his on grid friends!

User4 BANGER

User5 💜💜💜💜💜

User6 THIS SONG IS JSYRBYSCEJSGENAUS

User7 WE LOVE IT💜💜

User8 I love how supportive her friends are (the singers and drivers)

User9 AAAAHHHH

User10 Do we maybe get moreee????

User11 YOU FOUND SOMEONE MORE EXITING

User12 THE NEXT SECOND YOU WHERE GONE

User13 This song really hits hard after a break up

|———————————<3—————————————|

[2minutesnotice]

Why People With Mental Illness And Trauma Deserve Love

(and why Blitzø Buckso is one of them)

Grab yourself some snacks and a drink, I'll have a talk with you people who go all for the

"If you can't love yourself, you can't love anybody else"

mantra, which is toxic as fuck.

And sorry for the typos 😬🥲

SPOILER WARNING Full Moon

tw:mental illness / coping mechanism / self harm self worth / shitty parenting /abusive and toxic relationships

First of all, I'm autistic, so a lot of scenarios I'll give you will come from my experiences because it's easier for me to feel empathy that way and explain a situation.

BLITZØ IN FULL MOON

People come into my DMs and want to rant with me about him. I get it. It seems he's an asshole.

And he IS.

Blitzø has multiple character traits which are trauma coded and boy what a can of worms that is. Most of them are really hard in your face, like the fact that he can't stand his own face in pictures.

Which comes from a deep rooted self hate, which comes up in self worth issues. Blitzø had his fair experience with drugs and alcohol , even drowned himself in last to get over his shitty experience with Stolas at Ozzie's.

I'm not saying he's suicidal, but Blitzø's biggest fear is, to die alone.

Because he KNOWS how he is. That makes him really self reflected. He knows how he behaves, he knows his own coping mechanisms.

That's why it's so easy to make him mad. He's mostly angry at himself in most situations, so it also happened in Full Moon. Blitzø uses anger to get things out of people, because most people react to anger, but he's not doing it to HURT people, it's the only way he knows how to get an reaction out of people.

The reaction HE wants. Since Blitzø has no self worth he has no clue WHY people should love him. So he shoves them away and keeps them at distance.

At the same time he CRAVES intimacy. And here's the conflict. Blitzø's love language is sex.

He feels the closest to people if he can be intimate with them. And yes, even in a weird "I fuck Chaz to be close to M&M" kind of way. He is krass with his talking about sex, he over shares, he LOVES to talk about sex.

Because he's good at it. And because it gets him close to people. If the show had more time I bet we would've seen Blitzø having multiple one night stands over the time. Yes, even with his arrangement with Stolas. Because there was sex before there were feelings. Definitely.

Shitty Parenting x Self Worth

Blitzø got sold by his own father as a play buddy for a rich kid. Yes the rich kid was Stolas and it was cute, but still, rich kid.

And we all have seen, that he wasn't good at what his father made him do in the circus but what Blitzø always had, was his pride. Also, he's very good at making things up as they go. Doing that damn horse balloon and making a joke about it, shows how he is capable of selling himself still as the best, even if it isn't so.

We don't know much about Tilla, but we know Blitzø definitely had a closer relationship to her then to his father.

I know we only have two concrete scenes which show what kind of an relationship Cash and his son had, but the "I wish you were my son" card for Fizz kinda draws us the picture here.

As a child who always had to compete with a sister which was highly gifted, this does something to you.

You try to be better, at any cost. Sounds familiar?

"I'll try to be better".

But what? In what will he try to be better? I think Blitzø doesn't even know at what he will try to be better, he just does not want to lose this. But what is this?

RELATIONSHIPS

IF Blitzø would have just cared about his business, he would've walked away with the crystal. Just like that. He would've said

"Thank Satan, I thought I would lose my business,thanks Stolas, it was nice as it lasted" and he would've been gone.

But he didn't. He listened to what Stolas said but he didn't LISTEN. Because it was confusing as fuck, even as The Audience just watching it was a LOT what was said and going from

"I'll let you go" to "I have feelings for you, please stay" in a second.

And of course Blitzø would not understand that. Because Stolas could not MEAN it. Because Stolas has servants who are Imps and he called him names, a plaything and if Blitzø is anything for Stolas, at first, he's a whore.

Blitzø sold his body for a service. For his business.

They could have made that arrangement about ANYTHING. Money, another hitman service, bodyguarding.

STOLAS made it about sex. The thing Blitzø knows, the one he CRAVES, the thing he is good at, besides killing people.

But the one thing Blitzø is not good at, are words and feelings. And Stolas had a lot of them, at once. And it felt not fair for Blitzø to be cornered like that, because he had no idea what was expected from him. And then he used the ONLY thing he knows, which always gets something out of people: Anger.

That's the words and feelings he knows.

And he got an reaction, but also had to deal with the consequences.

STOLAS AT FULL MOON

I love Stolas. But he he's living in a romance novel world and there's also, trauma.

Stolas first words I had imprinted in my mind were "I always thought love could be fun". He wished for a happy family his whole life and all he got was an abusive wife and a loveless marriage.

He is a dreamer. Someone who loves the small things and he is caring. He loves to indulge in fiction, he loves telenovelas because even if there's drama, there are relationships. Something he never had experienced.

Stolas is a soft soul. But he's repressed and depressed as fuck. And that's not only because of Stella, but his upbringing and the knowledge to live in a Golden Cage. But he never voices that he has problems with THAT.

See, Stolas is a prince, he grew up with servants, Imps mostly. In a palace. Even if he despises Stella's parties, I bet if he wouldn't be an outsider in his own race, he would be the one doing the parties himself. It would do him some good because Stolas is also, lonely.

While Blitzø lived in Circus tents and tried to proof himself, Stolas had to proof that he's worthy his title as a prince. Being married, the whole heir thing, his duties.

And then Blitzø appears out of fucking nowhere, seducing him (like in his novels!), staying with him the whole night (showing him he's obviously gay), showing him he can choose, that he HAS A CHANCE to be happy.

With Blitzø.

And then we see the duet and the second Stolas sings about how he wants this to go, I knew they will fuck up. Because Stolas had played out this scenario SO OFTEN in his head, that he has so many images of Blitzø in his head that he knows this will not work out good. He has hopes and dreams but in the end, the decision falls on Blitzø.

So we go to Full Moon and Blitzø reacts... poorly. He even mocks him. And then he starts screaming and shouting and guess who else was always shouting and screaming? Guess who told Stolas his whole marriage that he's not worth anything. That he's not worth of love, that he's a failure, that his head is in the clouds and mocked him about everything he loves.

Blitzøs only way to cope with too many feelings is anger, Stolas trauma is based on anger and rejection.

But Stolas reacted so FAST. He gave Blitzø the crystal and he told him that he gives him the offer to stay, because he has feelings for him (like in his novels!) and his hopes are so high and the second he does not get what he wants, what he needs, he snaps. He's disappointed. He's hurt.

Because he wants this so bad to work.

But it can't, because they're for now reading the same book, but they're so not on the same page.

Because, and now we're getting there, they have to deal with what was said.

TRAUMA AND RELATIONSHIPS

I'm married for ten years now. My wife and I met each other 20 years ago.

I was suicidal back then, I cut myself regularly, I was depressed and had an eating disorder.

But I had friends. And I had relationships. And I loved so so deeply.

And then I got together with my wife 11 years ago. I was freshly diagnosed with being autistic, my wife has ADHD.

She also has several PTSD triggers, I have childhood trauma from living with my Mom who's an alcoholic.

And yes, I am able to have an relationship. We love each other dearly, we care about each other. We learn from each other, daily.

We have bad days, but we are GOOD for each other.

Because you DESERVE TO BE LOVED, no matter what.

In the first place is always that you're responsible for yourself. You can't trauma dump on your partner in excessive ways because that's not healthy. BUT learning to share your experiences but still being responsible for yourself and your actions, is a whole different thing.

You can love and be loved, even at your lowest.

But you have to be aware that your partner is not your therapist and that communication in a relationship, in which both parties are mentally ill, is KEY.

You have to go to the same ground, you have to explain what are your boundaries, what are your triggers but you have also to accept that the other one is sometimes not able to deal with your package.

My wife and I, we communicate DAILY. We have totally different needs. We have totally different views and patterns to deal with things. But we love each other.

Because we respect each other's differences.

And that's the homework for Stolas and Blitzø. They don't have to TO GET BETTER, they have to grow and they have to listen, communicate instead of just dumping expectations at each other.

You can't expect someone to break a pattern that is carved by trauma, just because you tell them you love them. And you can't expect that someone's listening when you push all their triggers at once.

I'm really excited how this will go. It's heartbreaking but I guess now that everything is said, they can finally be honest, without all the trauma dumping and pushing buttons.

And as I said:

You're worth of love. You're worth to be loved and you can give love, even at your lowest. Your deserve love, even at your lowest. You ARE loved.

Thank you for reading! ✨ Gold Star for you!