#WHY MUST EVERYONE RIDICULE CYPRUS

[isychiaa]

WHY THE FUCK IS CYPRUS BETWEEN GREECE AND ITALY

THIS IS NOT ACCURATE AT ALL

CYPRUS IS NEXT TO TURKEY THIS IS GENUINELY SO JARRING WHAT THE FUCK

HOW DARE THIS MAP INSINUATE CYPRUS IS FURTHER WEST THAT CRETE ARE YOU J O K I N G

'AMAZING MAPS' MY ARSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grammatical cases in European languages

by amazing__maps

[borisbubbles]

18. GREECE

Stefania - “SUPERG!RL”

The choice I’m being faced with is: Do something productive with my life, or finish a ranking of an imaginary contest I started months prior. It is with a certain reluctance I once again take up my ranking pen. 🙄

ENTRY ANALYSIS

And as I do, I am instantly reminded why this particular song stumped my ranking more than anything else. Enjoyment isn’t the issue at hand here. “Supergirl” (I am *not* doing the !-for-I bullshit, I’m not a ten year old) is fun and trash. I’M YO SUPERGIRL NANANA IN THIS CRAZY WORLD NANANA. It doesn’t light my world on fire, but sure it’s pleasant enough. Naturally, my positive feelings may also stem from this bopperino:  

~jeweethetnietnietprecieswatjedoenmoet~ ~jeweethetnietnietpreciesmaar’tvoeltgoed~ BOOM BOOM BANGERANG, BITCHES (SHOULD HAVE WON!!! wtf!!! don’t kids like fun anymore???)

So, why am I not feeling inspired by this particular entry? Well, two things. 

Firstly, "Supergirl” isn’t that good when you start comparing it to everyone else in the contest. It compares very favourably to the other Greek entries of recent memory (it’s literally their best entry since... Koza Mostra?) but then again *everything* looks good when compared the Greek entries of recent memory. Lithuania is a better country in the past five years than Greece. Serhat scored better than any Greek entry in the past five years. yadda yadda. It gets worse when you compare it to the other 2020 songs who, let’s face it, outbop it -  “Still breathing” does “obnoxious flute-through-a-bullhorn” riff better. “Cleoatra” does “ridiculous nonsensical pop culture rape” better. Hell, even Senhit, whom I remind you I already ranked arguably delivered more on the trashfront.

Secondly, um Greece sucks at ESC??? the ERT selection procedure is so formulaic you can recite it step by step without batting a lash. 

First, ERT will glom onto a reasonably talented artist who on paper should to stand out just based on who they are but in reality is sort of a desperate nobody. (in this case a Greek-DUTCH Jesc alum because the contest were to take place in Rotterdam - I hope nobody reading this post is anywhere near ‘surprised’ upon learning that ERT are total scrubs) Second, they’d sicc a silly uptempo trashbop onto her she is bound to dislike instantaneously, (lo and behold, persistent rumours that Stefania LOATHED “Supergirl” and felt superembarrassed by it <3 out of the mouth of babes). Naturally, the song will have been composed by Dimitris Kontopoulos, the dodie to Kirkorov’s ginger. I rag on Philipp Kirkorov a lot, given that the man has the looks and casual panache of a vaudeville villain, so allow me to praise him for the sake of underlining why he > Kontopoulos every fucking day. Not only is Kirkorov a RAAAGING regency homosexual in the best possible way (look at the coterie of artists he’s written for and convince me this *isn’t* a group of people your average basic ass gay wouldn’t build sacrificial pyramids for, you can’t) he also underscores his GoodGayness by writing BANGERS. The man understands Eurovision and he works hard make it better every year. 

Meanwhile, Kontopoulos’s most successful esc song without Kirkorov’s guiding hand is “This is Our Night”, which is the antimatter equivalent of a banger.  Then after the selection process, Greece would create a lot of fake hype, enough to convince a few impressionable influencers that the entry isn’t a complete crock of shit prior to rehearsals, bloating betting odds. Only to hit said rehearsals and have everything fall apart, like a deep sea fish brought to the surface, because SURPRISE the act and song and premise turned out bad and irredeemable and stupid respectively, who knew! 

Now, I am aware this sounds immensely cynical and mean, especially when projected onto a never-was ESC entry. However, this is the state of Greece we live in and that state is a Sophoclean fucking tragedy. If life gives Greece lemons, I’ll gladly down the avgolemono. All that’s left is the perverse bemusement of their inevitable self-inflicted downfall because the alternative is teeth-gnawing frustration. 

Again, reminder that I ENJOY the obnoxious, thundering goat horns that make up 106% of Supergirl’s ‘musical’ appeal and the CHEESIER-than-GOUDA vidclip and especially i LooOOoOOOve the backstory of them having to ADD IN THE EXCLAMATION POINT IN THE TITLE DUE TO A WONDER WOMAN COPYRIGHT CLAIM (<33333333333), but since each of these are done better *by other entries* in the same fucking year, the song takes a MASSIVE backseat to the inevitable spaking it would have deservingly received in Rotterdam. On the scale between genuine like and ironic like, "Supergirl” lands *entirely* on the latter for me. 

Eurovision 2020 vs Eurovision 2021

ERT already confirmed Stefania for 2021, officially because it was only fair, but probably in large because it’s cheaper to stick with her (after all, Stefania doesn’t even have to fly over to Rotterdam or check into a local hotel since she already lives in the fucking Netherlands, less than an hour’s drive away from Rotterdam). 

Whatever, I support it regardless. For all the shittalking I’ve done, I genuinely like Stefania (identifying her song as rubbish shows good instincts, if nothing else) and I absolutely hope she can deliver something genuinely good next year. 

Something tells me we’ll see the *exact* same journey “Supergirl” would have had though: A safe qualifier preshow that would have *barely* Demy’d through, to the ire of many. Then, to the shock of Greece and nobody else, it would’ve finished in 21st place with 24 points from Cyprus, 16-20 points from San Marino and about 4-5 from everyone else - so yeah, exactly the same trajectory we’ve seen in the past few contests. Oh well. Show must go on. 

FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!!

I’m of two minds here, because on one hand, “Supergirl” absolutely DOES NOT break the mold for Greece in the slightest. 

Then again, every year it’s the same doom count until Greece inevitably combust into failure and by god, when Greece melt down they fucking MELT DOWN. Every time something (anything) (everything) doesn’t go according to plan, it’s always accompanied with a spitfire of personal attacks lobbed at anyone who dares prove Greece’s sucktitude (rival entrants, the press, people with functional hearing) and a full batallion of newscasters imprinting disappointment onto the retinae of the Greek public because the singer of choice ~had let the entire nation down~ for like... missing two notes due to a persistent cold. It’s always a wild and wildly entertaining ride... as long as one sticks to observing from the sidelines. 

Score: 3 Senhits out of 5. 

[aprilskyforever]

Henny ranks Eurovision 2018 (fifth and final edition, after the contest)

I still can’t believe it happened, that I actually was there. In the arena. I saw 34 of the 43 acts live, from one distance or another. 10 of them from both. Let me tell you this first: Gabe told me before the trip that all acts would be better live, and he was right. Live, even Russia and San Marino were good. But in this final ranking, I’ve taken all aspects in concern: studio before the show, preparties, sound and show live in the arena, sound and show on tv. And for some, it differs a lot between the factors. But i’ll get to that in the comments for each individual song. Now, let’s go!

1 Italy. My winner since the beginning, and it remained that way. I just feel too strongly for these two men and their song to let them be passed by someone else. I can’t do that. Even if Cyprus beats them in staging. Non Mi Avete Fatto Niente never fails to make me Feel stuff, it hits me right in my heart, and Ermal’s voice is like honey and a magnificent contrast to Fabrizio’s raspy tune. 2 Cyprus (+3). When the song was released I didn’t fully believe in it, due to the heavy autotune on the studio version. But I always thought, if Eleni can pull this off live, this can be really dangerous. She never got to prove her talent until the actual broadcast, and I don’t gamble, but after semi 1 I would have placed my bets on her. Flawless staging (my only complaint is that it was tad bit too much choreography in the first verse), Sacha proves once again what a pro she is. And Eleni, what a queen she is! Completely owning the stage. I stand in awe. 3 Czech Republic. I’m forever impressed by and soft for this man. Brilliant staging - when he did the jumps and flips in the end I completely lost it, I was blown away. Very slick staging and performance, and the song always makes me want to dance. Please, Czech TV, tell me that this wasn’t a once in a lifetime thing! 4 Ukraine (-2). Now, I’ll be honest. Albeit a cool staging, the song doesn’t quite hit me live as it does in studio. It might be that I don’t like Mélovin’s styling, that there’s too much going on on stage, that the bass isn’t as heave as it should be... who knows. I love him and I love the song, but there was just Something missing.   5 Sweden (-1). My man! You made me be proud of my country again! It’s funny, because I’ve never really liked Benji before, even if I’ve known about him since... well 2006? But there’s something about the song, his voice and moves, and the neon bed that makes me soften. Being so far behind in televote was rather painful, I must admit that. 6 Germany (+5). This made me tear up when I saw it in the arena. I haven’t lost my father or anything, but this was simply beautiful and Michael filled it with so much emotion, it was so impressive and it hit me right in the heart on an Italy level. It really deserved its high placing. 7 Israel (+8). She really knew how to get the party started. I’ll be honest and say it’s really not my favourite song and I’ve grown rather tired of it, but it will forever be associated with the moment on Praca do Commercio when Gabe realized it had won, the happiness on his face. And the singing along, how we waved the flag, how we danced, how everyone was looking at us. In that moment, I absolutely loved it.  8 Austria. One of the best songs of the year, without a doubt. In one way I understand why it did so well with the juries, it really is that kind of song, however, live, it didn’t really feel that... exciting? Tickling? In a way that a winner does. Doesn’t really hits your most inner core you know? 9 Denmark (+3). This song climbing is all thanks to the audience, to be honest. They made this song grow. All aboard the viking ship! Or as we say up here, alle man ombord! 10 Finland (-4). Still also one of my favourites this year in terms of song only, the Debs are one brilliant duo. Staging was cool, although it was sort of missing a red thread? It felt a little messy? But I still loved it. 11 Moldova (-2). Oh Julija, I’m so sorry to not fit them into the top 10! I promise I still love them, I love the staging, and I’m weak for the song. Only thing throwing me off is the mixing live, the levels don’t feel just right. 12 Norway (+4). This was the first song I heard live and I’m still weak for it. Really a great party starter. Rybak may not be very helpful with song writing tips, but he sure knows how to deliver a performance and how to charm an audience. 13 Switzerland (-6). Oh my darlings, my darlings I’m so sorry... I really wished I could have seen this in the final. I’ll forever be weak for Coco. 14 Hungary (+7). This year’s big grower! If I’m not mistaken, it started out as my dead last because heavy metal isn’t my genre at all. But then I actually gave the song a chance. And in the arena, good lord help me how good it was. On TV, not as much, but this was absolutely one of the coolest acts to see live. 15 Albania (+2). I adore him, I adore the staging for this, I adore the intro of the song. It sounds so promising and always puts me in a good mood, makes me anticipate something. The only bad thing is the chorus, that thing I’m anticipating, it never really comes you know? But he’s Turt’s favourite and meeting him will forever have a place in my heart. 16 Ireland (+4). I’m forever grateful to whoever came up with the idea to make the music video come alive on stage. It fits so perfectly and lifts the song to sky high levels.   17 Bulgaria (-3). It’s Solid. That’s what I’ve always said. Sounds like Skeletons, but where Skeletons is wandering in an eerie forest with a slight feeling of anxiety, yet anticipation, Bones is being more sure of what’s going on, it’s walking with a steady pace on a wide path, not being afraid of what the eerie forest hides.  18 Australia. Oh, she always makes me so happy, and so does the song. But the chorus still sounds like a bridge, and the dancing felt... not really right, I felt she was too alone on stage. Live, however, this was absolutely stunning. 19 France (-9). This is a sleek song, I do like the sound of it, but by now it has honestly become a bit boring. And I’m sorry. 20 Slovenia (+9). Her charisma, choreography and staging really made up for the underwhelming beat in the chorus that had always put me off before. Now, I didn’t mind it. Also a really good live song. 21 Portugal (-8). Everytime I hear this song, I still wait for it to take off fo real, and it never does. It’s so beautiful, it keeps growing, but it never blooms into the full garden that I expect. And that’s a shame. 22 Latvia (+2). Where Croatia did it wrong, Latvia did it right, in a way. Good angles, good song, she made it work by being alone on stage. Maybe she was a bit too stiff and choreographed though. 23 Belarus (-4). You know, I don’t mind the rose, nor do I mind the song at all. His whole performance was alright, but somewhere I understand why I didn’t qualify.  24 Montenegro (+2). Oh this sweet man! The gift that keeps on giving. He deserved better. 25 Netherlands (+15). This song is such a water divider for me. I’ve grown tired of it and him, but then when I heard it live and saw him on TV it actually wasn’t that bad? It’s like I couldn’t resist it?  26 Greece (-1). This is the best Greece has sent since... 2014. Yeah. But the semi was too strong and I’m honestly happy it stayed where it did. However I’m not happy with the fact that This Is Love qualified last year, and this didn’t. But that’s just how it be sometimes. 27 Spain (+6). When 5000 Spanish fans sing along, you can’t resist it yourself. It’s rather sweet, to be honest. 28 Belgium (-1). Whoever staged and styled this number must be fired asap. Sennek looked like a ghost from a prison cell instead of the elvish and sophosticated lady I got to know in the video. Shame on such a beautiful song. 29 Lithuania (+1). Sure, it’s sweet, but it never hit me like it seemed to do to others.  30 Azerbaijan (-8). It felt... plastic. Detached. Without sincereness, if that’s even a word. But do you get what I mean? 31 Armenia. Beautiful, but it just did nothing for me. 32 Estonia. No, I don’t deny talent and I will recognize and admit the staging was stunning. But it dosen’t make up for the fact that I’ve never liked the song itself, and knowing the lyrics sound ridiculous to someone who speaks Italian, it just adds to it. 33 United Kingdom (+6). Also irresistable live! SuRie really is a very talented artist who deserves a much, much better song that Storm. 34 Poland (-11). I’ve always thought this was alright and it has always put me in a good mood, but after seeing it on TV I cringed a lot, Lukas vocals were far from where they should have been and so was his confidence. And Gromee himself? He felt very awkward. Like a dad who crashes his teenage girls birthday disco to dance along and embarrasses his daughter beyond limits. I shrug, in a bad way. 35 Serbia. This song is a bit all over the place and that really does put me off. Like it’s not... bad, but it doesn’t convince me. 36 Romania (-2). Solid, like Bulgaria, but far from as interesting. And what on earth was that staging?  37 Malta (+1). Cool staging, but I’ve never liked the song and I probably never will. 38 Georgia (-10). Sure it’s beautiful, but this song being in Eurovision just feels so... off? And the staging was so uninteresting. 39 Croatia (-3). Franka, darling, why did you have to be so attached to your mic stand? And being alone on stage? Bad choice. Didn’t help to make the song interesting like it should. 40 Iceland (+1). Oh my boy, my sweet sweet boy... you, like SuRie, really deserved a better song. Please come back with that ok? 41 San Marino (+2). So the song is horrible, but live this was actually kinda fun. Not to mention I love the robots with their signs. Amazing. 42 FYR Macedonia (-5). Man... Macedonia disappoints with staging and styling again. Can someone fire whoever is in charge already? My barbara dex winner by a mile, and I never liked the song to begin with either. 43 Russia (-1). You know, live it didn’t sound so bad. But on TV? Good lord help me. And lord help Yulia. Shame on Russian TV for treating her like this.

And there you have it! I had an absolute blast this season and it will, for very obvious reasons, always have a special place in my heart. Now set sail, and cross the Mediterranian, and we’ll see you again Israel!