#WHY IS THE END OF ASSASSINS APPRENTICE......SO INSANE...... THIS IS BOOK ONE

[livingasaghost]

actually all of you are bitches why the fuck did you make me start this series

[imjustsoscaredallthetime]

I just finished the farseer trilogy and oh my gooosshhh

- Assassin's quest is probably the longest book I've ever read and I finished it all in less than a week instead of a few months. I'm very proud of myself

- Fitz farseer is my friend. He's more than that to me actually I feel like I know him personally. No joke, my feelings for fitz are what I think it feels like to have a skill bond with somebody or something

- robin hobb is such a good writer like... I don't know if it's because I started reading the books when I was procrastinating for studying for my finals or what but I was hooked from the very first page. I normally take a couple pages to warm up to books especially ones that are so dense but she had me from page one of assassin's apprentice and I've been in a chokehold since

- my attachment to Fitz is so real and so true. I can't wait to finish liveship traders so I can move on to tawny man. I miss him so bad already and I just finished the series

- someone please explain to me why robin hobb wrote an explicit romance between Fitz and the Fool and then just didn't do anything with it? The fool literally goes missing? Fitz ends up having a friend with benefits thing with starling? Miss girl you had a perfectly good romance right there and you just wasted it? Why?

- Verity's ending was so bittersweet because on one hand I just wanted him to be okay and to come back to buckkeep and take his place on the throne. Don't get me wrong I'm very happy that Kettricken is Queen and she got her heir and everything's okay for the most part but like I got attached to verity okay 😭 and after Shrewd getting murdered chivalry getting killed and regal being absolutely insane I think the farseers deserved a win

- absolutely obsessed with Fitz turning regal into a yes-man for the six duchies and the people Fitz cares about. girlboss moment

- either fitz is a liar or he's simply a better man than me because there's no way he didn't feel an ounce of betrayal at Burrich and Molly getting together. Girl that is the love of your life, the mother of your child and your father 😭 personally I'd light myself on fire but that's just me

- Kettricken my LOVE

- I love this series

[pastelninjaimagines]

If the akatsuki were to take on an apprentice, who would be a good teacher and who would suck lmao

Akatsuki - Best to Worst at being a Sensei

Kisame

Kisame, one of the seven ninja swordsman, teaching someone the art of the sword? YES. He’d honestly be super enthusiastic teaching you how to handle a sword, and after he’s done with you, you’d be one of the best at wielding one. And let’s be real, he’d teach you those sick assassination techniques that the seven ninja swordsman are known for, and all of the secret water ninjutsu form kirigakure. He’d be pretty harsh on you and expect results, but he’d still be patient. He’d practice with you, show you how things are done and demonstrate when you needed to see an example. Honestly, once you really started getting the hang of a technique he’d be bursting with pride. 10/10 great teacher. Pls be this man’s apprentice 

Konan

Like Kisame, Konan would be a very patient mentor to her pupil. She would never raise her voice at you or become angry if you weren’t getting her lessons right away. She’d sit down with you and coach you calmly until you perfected whatever technique it was that she was teaching you. But she was a former pupil of Jiraya, she knows what good teaching looks like. She’s not going to spoon feed you the information. While she will help you perfect your techniques, she wants you to first learn the basics by feeling them out for yourself. She’s a great teacher, encouraging, and patient. 

Itachi

While Itachi would in no way be eager to take on a mentee, he’d see your eagerness to learn, that burning passion in your eyes, and would be unable to ignore it. He’d be pretty patient, but hands off. He wants you to learn for yourself. He’ll demonstrate whatever it is you’re learning countless times, but he leaves you to figure it out yourself. He’s very kind and understanding, albeit a little scary to approach, but once you get under his shell, he’d be a pretty perfect teacher. Plus, he knows such a wide-range of jutsu that there is so much to learn from him

Sasori

Ok, so you’re probably wondering how a sociopathic misanthrope like Sasori is so goddamn high on the list, but hear me out fam! If, and this is a big if, he sees your talent and potential (like lets say you’re decently adept in poisons or just really adept in general at whatever your specialty is) he’ll take an interest. And if you show an appreciation for his art. Yeah, he’d be interested in taking you under his wing bc no one has truly understood him before. He might ultimately only be interested in you for you to become part of his collection, but there is a small chance that he’ll teach you his art and his jutsu to make sure that it never dies (there is a part of him that wants to cement his legacy). He’d be strict as hell, not very nice or lenient, and patients does not exist with him so you better be a fast learner, but goddamn are you learning shit

Deidara

So here, you wouldn’t really be learning much but you’d have a damn good time. Think how he always tried to act cool with Tobi, but without him losing his temper at you constantly. He’d give you long lectures about what the meaning of his art was and in order for you to be his pupil, you’d have to share his vision unequivocally. It would literally just be him showing off his art to you, not much learning, but you get to enjoy his company, so there’s that. 

Nagato Pain

Nagato as the leader of the akatsuki and in his Pain persona would be an awful mentor, and here’s why: his god complex is way too high to ever be effective as a teacher. He’d treat you more as he treats Konan, as his personal assistant and lackey. You wouldn’t be learning too much from him, but you would be elevated to the highest echelon of the Akatsuki’s hierarchy, and Amegakure’s too. You’d be running the village and his organization, doing odd jobs for him. Not very much a teacher, more just your commander. Not very good for a learning experience, but hey you get instant social power so there’s that

Kakuzu

So Kakuzu is so low here bc of his incredibly bad temper and how hard it would be for you to get valuable apprentice status “do not harm.” He’d actually be a pretty good teacher and have some of the most valuable skills worth learning. Not only has he been alive the longest so he’s got a lot of experience, but he knows an insane amount of jutsu, and he’s got those amazing accounting skills that are actually worth knowing. He’ll teach you how to keep the books. Just don’t piss him off. Or you’re better off dead. 

Obito 

Obito would only take someone under his wing for manipulation purposes. You won’t really be learning anything useful, but you’d be another pawn to further his ultimate plan. Not the best or healthiest relationship ever. He’d also throw you away like nothing, don’t expect him to do a damn thing for you really. And you’d also have to deal with his Tobi persona, the whole things damn complicated. Just don’t do it fam. 

Hidan

So, the only way he’d take you under his wing is if you’re interested in Jashinism. He’d lure you in with that, convert you and then yes, you’re ending up as a sacrifice. Mutilated. Very much dead. Don’t do this. Stay away. 

Zetsu

Why would you even wanna seek this cactus-looking ass out to be your mentor. Nope. Even if you did he’d be a little shit and refuse (but low key — white zetsu if detached from his black half would help you train, just like he did with Obito, but that’s very conditional) 

[escaping-thoughts-reviews]

Dooku: Jedi Lost by Cavan Scott, 2019

Not much is known of the mysterious leader of the Independent Systems. Former Jedi Master, Count of Serenno, philanthropist, political genius and secretly Lord of the Sith. 

This is his story. From birth to Jedi-hood and sub sequential fall to the Darkside. It follows Dooku’s growth, the friends he made, his journey as a Master of two controversial Padawans and his fascination with ancient Sith relics and Jedi prophecies.

-

First audiobook I ever listened to, and while a paper version was later published, I think the book works better in his original audio format (I’ll explain later).

The book starts just before the events of the Clone Wars. Ventress is starting her apprenticeship with Dooku and is given the task to find a woman that has close ties to the former Jedi Master.

The narration jumps from present to past through audiologs of Dooku’s childhood as Initiate, Padawan and into adulthood as a Knight and Master. 

I found this narrating choice to be very effective and while other books can fall into the trap of blurring the lines between past and present events, confusing the reader, here the author manages to keep the two distict.

One of the most interesting parts of this novel is Dooku’s family and their history. We discover how he came to be in the Jedi Order and his father’s resentment of him. It’s revealed he has two siblings, a sister named Jenza and a brother, Ramil. During the novel we see their relationship grow. And while Jenza cares for Dooku and stays in contact with him through the years, Ramil takes from their father and resents Dooku and wants nothing to do with him.

Serenno as a world is further explored. From their repulsion for Force sensitive beings to an ancient mural depicting a creature capable of destroying the world: the Tirra’Taka.

We also explore Dooku’s relationship with Sifo-Dyas, a fellow Initiate and Padawan, and his slow descent into madness that will lead him to create the Clone Army.

Sadly Yoda is written as a crappy master and it feels really out of character. He chooses Dooku, but almost immediately leaves him with another Master and barely teaches him anything. I feel like this was a lost opportunity to explore their bond and the reasons Dooku resents Yoda so much in the future (I guess for that we have the EU).

The reason why this story works better in audio format can be summarised in a scene when Dooku hears voices in a vision when only a Padawan learner (some among them are Ventress, Savage, Sidious, Qui-Gon, Yoda, etc...). I loved this moment, although it begs the question if Dooku always had this ability. Sure it could be tallied to this being a Disney book and therefore “there are no rules”, but some consistency would be appreciated.

As the story switches to Ventress’s PoV, we learn more abou Ky Narec through her recalling of events, and his voice acts as a conscience to the Sith assassin. A conscience she tries to bury.

I would also like to share some of my favourite moments from this book (no spoilers):

D: “There’s no harm in feeling pride. I’m proud of you after all.” “If I never do anything of note ever again, I will watch you rise through the Order, changing it forever”

Q: “For the better?”

D: *soft, warm laugh*

This is probably one of my favourite moments. We see Dooku’s clear affection towards Qui-Gon and knowing the faith of the latter, it makes it even more heartbreaking (Euan Morton does an amazing job, that laugh kills me). It also allows us to understand more clearly why Dooku fell to the Dark Side, making the reader empathize with him.

D: “You are wise beyond your years, Qui-Gon Jinn. With a connection to the Living Force that may even rival Yoda.”

Q: “I doubt that”

[Oh, Qui, you don’t even know the half of it.]

D: “I have faith in you and faith in the Force”

[How do you go from this to the bitter man of CW?]

As events unfold, Dooku and Qui-Gon are sent by the Coucil to attend a Swooper race, where they encounter Ramil, who’s there as a pilot.

The action picks up as his swooper is sabotaged and the two Jedi chase the culprits through the underground levels of Coruscant, and we discover where Qui-Gon gets his maverik streak, or better, from who he gets it.

The chase leads them to confront a criminal boss. The confrontation enrages Dooku to the point he has to fight the lightning that threatens to escape, keeping it inside, controling it. Which is interesting, but also contradicts what we know about Force lightning, aka only those who are subjected to it in prolonged periods of time can use it. So it begs the question of how can Dooku use this ability if he was never exposed to it. But, again, this is a Disney novel, so lore consistency is not really expected. Here instead it’s treated as a force from within and the only way to control it is to accept it.

Another interesting side-plot it’s when a member of the Council is revealed to be allied with the underground boss, but only to protect a fellow Jedi, later revealed to be her son. The Master in question is Yula Braylon, a fromer seeker (a Jedi who finds Force sensitive children and brings them to the Temple). Her son instead is revealed to be Dooku’s training rival, Arath.

This opens a whole conversation about what’s wrong with the Order, because how sad is it that when threatened, a Jedi feels it’s safer to comply with the requests of a criminal, that to ask the Council for help. In the end, both Breylon and Arath are arrested.

The story then shifts to Dooku’s homeworld of Serenno, that is under invasion, the Republic doesn’t care (so neither does the Order) because they see it as an “internal fewd”, although they are under attack from a foreign world. Jenza sends a official help request, but the Order decides to ignore it. Dooku defies the Council and along with Sifo-Dyas and his Master, Kostana, travel to Serenno.

Ramil is revealed to be behind the invasion, the Houses of Serenno are in shambles and the population is forced out into the plains as refugees. The situation is dire.

Everything escaletes when Dooku and Kostana fall into a crevice and find the mythical Tirra’Taka.

To save his people Dooku mind melds with him and has accesses its memories, discovering that the Tirra’Taka was enslaved by the Sith and abandoned on Serenno after their defeat at the hands of House Serenno. He also discoveres that the beast hates force-sensitives and that he reawakened when Dooku returned all those years ago.  Finally explaining the fear and aberration Dooku’s father, Count Gora, felt towards him and how he saw his son’s Force-sensitivity as a threat to Serenno and wanted him as far away as possible. 

Along with these revelations Sifo-Dyas is rapidly losing his mind, having nonstop visions, caused by the growing distress of the creature. I’ll be honest, Syfo’s abilities don’t make much sense and seem to be there just to hype the drama.

Before Ramil can kill Jenza and the rest of the people, Dooku summons the Tirra’Taka and uses it to destroy the invading army. This causes Sifo-Dyas to lose his mind completely. The fight ends with Dooku killing his brother.

Sadly the beast goes insane and Dooku is reluctantly forced to kill it to save Kostana, Sifo and Jenza.

D: “I never ment to hurt you. Not like the others. Never ment to bend you to my will. I’m sorry. So, so sorry.”

Here the author has me perplexed. He describes Dooku striking down the beast with his “golden blade”. Since when does Dooku have a golden kyber? It makes no sense, but again, it’s Disney...

After the battle, they discover this new, rare and, therefore, expensive ore called Zaccanium and now the Repubblic is interested in helping. This makes Dooku livid, keeping in line with his character and his contempt for the corruption of the Republic.

Yoda: “More than a name, the Jedi are. More than a title”.

Because of this Dooku decides to remain on Serenno as the new Count. Sealing his fate, as Sifo says “All the futures have become one. One path”.

D: “Please tell Rael and Qui-Gon... tell them the Force will be with them, always.”

This concludes the flashback section of the book and we return to the present, where Ventress finds the woman she was tasked to hunt down. 

She’s revealed to be Jenza, who wanted to go ask the Jedi to help her brother, for she fears he’s walking down a dark path, but was instead kindnapped by Republic agents and tortured for informations about the Separatists.  Dooku arrives she begs him to get help form the Council and to stop listening to the “hooded man”.

Meanwhile, Narec’s voice is still trying to convince Ventress to run away and gives her a vision of what awaits the former Jedi Master. As she’s trown back to reality, Dooku gives her an order, to which Narec tries again to convince Ventress to run away, in the last desperate attempt to keep her in the Light, but she doesn’t.  She obeys the Sith and Narec finally disapears. She made her choice.

-

Lore wise: it’s interesting. Through the course of the movies and animated series, we never really see or learn about Dooku as a character (his motivations, aspirations, bonds if he ever had any). the most we get is a hint of his affection for Qui-Gon in Episode II or, his almost panicked reaction at Sidious’s order to kill Ventress (you could also count the ROTS novelization by M. Stover, where he tries to convince Sidious not to kill Obi-Wan, because he sees him as a grandson).

I liked the concept that Dooku gained the Force lightning before becoming a Sith, because it kind of shows that although it’s associated with the Dark Side, it’s still part of the Force.

The biggest change this book makes (also “Master and Apprentice”) is probably to the timeline In the EU, Dooku and Qui-Gon were 10 years apart, making Qui-Gon in Episode I 60 yrs old and Dooku 70 (80 in Ep II). While now, in the Disney canon, Qui-Gon is 47 and Dooku is still 70. Not a big deal I guess, but it does raise the question: how does Qui-Gon have the rank of Master in TPM, if Obi-Wan is his only Padawan? Qui-Gon was 22 when Obi-Wan was born, so that leaves approximately a 13 years gap, in which they could squeeze in another Padawan.

At least it’s implied that Dooku still joined Sidious after Qui-Gon’s death, I was afraid they’d retcon that. I always liked that it was that loss that pushed him to the edge.

Voice acting: Orlagh Cassidy as Ventress is good, she sounds very similar to Nika Futterman. Morton’s Dooku grows on you after a while, although the not so pronounced british accent is quite distracting, but what can I say, there’s only one Chistopher Lee. Qui-Gon is... interesting. Like, I know he should be 13/14 when he’s first introduced, but he sounds way older (sometimes older that Dooku), but to his credit the slight irish accent is delightful. Also Jonathan Davis delivery and speech patterns mimic those of Liam Neeson pretty well. On the other hand I was not expecting Rael’s voice to sound like that! Nice.

So, in conclusion:

Jenza deserved better

Ventress deserved better

Dooku is a dick, like his father and brother before him

But in all seriousness, this is a very well acted audiobook, with an amazing soundtrack and an interesting story that sheds light on one of the most unexplored characters of the Prequel Trilogy.

———————

Rating: It’s a buy!

[grizzbe]

Let the past die. Kill it if you have to.

After my third viewing of The Last Jedi, I think I’m ready to write down my thoughts on the movie. Follow below the cut for my spoilerific musings!

First off, I’ll put down a quick and easy guide as to whether you should bother to continue with reading my review or not: In your rankings of the Star Wars movies, does any prequel movie rank above TLJ? If so, you might as well move on. If not, keep on reading! 

Alright! I’m just going to say right off that bat that I loved it. I loved it the first time I saw it and I only love it more with each subsequent viewing.

The reason that it’s taken me so long to get around to this, though, is because I want to try my hardest to avoid some pitfalls that I feel are a bit easy for myself to fall into, namely to make this review simply a point-by-point list as to why your reasons for disliking this movie are wrong or simply word-vomit gushing over the movie.

So, I’ll start by saying that the movie is not without its faults. Some of its jokes are ham-fisted or fall flat, some of the visual effects (you know what I’m talking about) look wonky, some of its subplots could use a little tuning, and the whole thing probably could’ve been helped by increasing the timeline even just a few days.

That being said, the jokes aren’t bad and there are far more “Star Wars” jokes than those dastardly “off-brand” jokes that seem to be sticking in a lot of people’s craws.

 I’ve heard a lot of people complain about Leia’s force moment and while I’ll agree that it doesn’t work great visually, I am more than willing to accept it in its principle, especially considering that people can survive in the vacuum of space in real life (https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/survival-in-space-unprotected-possible/). Once you throw onto it Star Wars’ wacky take on physics and space in general, Leia surviving this moment is more than reasonable.

When it comes to subplots, the main thing that they’re about is quite simply character development. 

Poe learns that there’s more to being an effective leader than being an excellent flier. After putting the fleet and the whole of the Resistance in danger more than once over the course of a few days, Poe finally sees what it takes to be a leader through his mentor, Leia, and his foil throughout most of the film, Holdo. I’ve seen a lot of people upset at the “character assassination” that Poe goes through in TLJ, but I’ll argue that we finally got to see Poe be more than just a cardboard cutout in this film and he really shined because of it. I might have been more willing to accept this version of Poe since I’m an avid reader of his comic book, where him being an immature leader has been a plot point for at least the past year.

While some might just flat out hate the Canto Bight subplot, I appreciated it for what it was doing. Finn starts the movie as a man only concerned about himself and a couple of his closest friends (fully in line with where the character was at the end of TFA). It’s only through his time with Rose and his interactions with DJ that he comes to realize that he can’t just hide and that he needs to drive himself forwards. DJ even offers him a false, easy escape, “Live free, don’t join” and Finn sees it for what it is: a man unwilling to stand up for what is right. Finn ends his journey a true hero of the Resistance.

And while other might be upset with how the film portrayed Luke, I loved it. The man screwed up. He retreated, exiled himself and resigned the end of his story to that of a hermit whose only option is to die alone. Rey appears, and while she has her own journey (she goes from putting all of her faith in Luke, to putting it in Ben, to finally putting it in herself), she riles in Luke a desire to once again be the man that he knows he can be.

Which brings me to my final point: the movie subverts expectations at almost every turn and does so beautifully. People expect Luke to face down the First Order and single-handedly save the Republic with his lightsaber. Luke does this, but he does it his way, through an amazing show of Force Power (In which the man creates a corporeal force projection of himself and other objects across the universe).

People expect Kylo Ren to listen to his master and fight Rey, but he tricks Snoke (side note: I could write a whole other post on how amazing Serkis was in this role) and proves that the Supreme Leader, in his hubris, had hugely underestimated his apprentice.

People expect Poe, Rose, and Finn’s plan to work flawlessly and save the Rebellion. It doesn’t and they all have to learn and grow and pay for that mistake. 

And on top of all that, we get one of the best laser sword fights in the whole of the canon, an excellent performance from Adam Driver as Kylo Ren (holy shit, is he built like a brick shithouse. In case you were unaware, Driver is a former marine), and, in my opinion, EXCELLENT answers to the “Who is Snoke?” and “Who are Rey’s parents?” questions (hint, it doesn’t fucking matter. The past is the past, look to the future. This is a call out to my post’s title, btw).

So, this is already too long and I want to discuss some things I’m looking forward to in the next film. Suffice it to say, the movie is excellent and I’m super excited to see Rian Johnson’s take in his trilogy.

Okay! Next movie, I’ll just jot down a few things:

I fully expect Rey to consult a Force Ghost Jedi Council comprised of Luke, Obi-Wan, Yoda, Anakin, and Qui Gon at least twice. I’m going to feel real cheated if we don’t get this.

The next movie is going to involve a pretty significant time jump. I’d say at least five years.

As a Damerey shipper, I’m actually concerned that we’ll miss the opening salvos of the relationship in the time jump and the movie will just start with them together in a committed relationship. Don’t rob us of this JJ.

For those that are going nuts right now wondering how I can be a Damerey shipper after they’ve only spoken to each other once, did you even see the scene?!? And you can’t just throw the two most loaded words in the whole of the Star Wars canon on us and not expect us to want some payout.

I don’t think Kylo will die, he is the last of the Skywalkers, after all, but he’ll be in exile, probably self-imposed, where he’ll try to learn from Anakin and Luke.

With Leia unfortunately out of the picture, I really want Lando and Wedge to come in as Leaders of the Resistance. While the new group will undoubtedly rise to prominence in the ranks (much like the OT trio), the leaders of the whole movement can’t be flying into battles or leading from the ground.

So that’s about it. I, of course, have way more but this thing is already an insane amount of word vomit. If you have any other thoughts that you’d like to kick around with me, please feel free to message me!