#WHY AM I GETTING MORE EXCITED ABOUT ART OF MY BOYFRIEND THAN ART OF ME 😭

[mari-lair]

hello ! i love your fics and analysis! I was wondering which tbhk ships you think will become endgame?

Anon I have the most white bread of answers but since you asked-

1 - Hananene.

Nene starts the manga by wanting a date. It doesn't matter with who, any hot guy will do. She has many infatuations but isn't in love with anyone, she just want to be loved.

Nene has a lot of small character developments in different areas throughout the manga, but her strongest and most consistent change is her increasing love for Hanako and her acceptance of it.

She is still a girl with a ton of emotions, and she finds hot people attractive BUT now she want Hanako and only Hanako. She rejects everyone she used to have a crush on, there is no doki doki's when she gets the attention of pretty people cause they aren't the boys she wants attention from anymore.

Even Teru doesn't compare to Hanako. She went on a 'date' with him and felt more excited about bragging than the actual 'date'

AND SHE DID NOT BRAG when hanako got back, she just wanted to enjoy that he's back.

I don't even know why I am going so in dept on the couple stablished since chapter 1 but since i'm already rambling: Despite everything crazy going on in the festival NENE'S BIGGEST FOCUS WAS TO CONFESS TO HANAKO. That's something she thinks more about than her own death, like girl- Hanako is her whole world. She will not get a romance with another person.

There is the question of "Will Nene survive?"

If she doesn't, she'll disappear and have no boyfriend but I bet she'll be thinking about Hanako in her death. If she finds a way to become a supernatural in a very wild narrative choice she will be able to stay with hanako in their cursed eternity forever.

In the case she lives and Hanako gets exorcised she won't move on. Aidairo loves tragedies and obsessive love, so I can't see her approaching crushes with the same whimsy after her love dies. And Aidairo would likely preffer to make her suffer in her grief and longing than give her a rebound with some random guy, cause it sure won't be Kou.

2 - Mitsukou

My personal preferences aside, it is clear they are written to have romantic implications. Kou will either die with Mitsuba (As shown in the new timeline), and stay with him in death.

Or live to have an intense homoerotic 'friendship' with him.

He legit can't get mitsuba off his head, he thinks about him more than anything during the manga and he has A LOT of problems to think about.

I can't personally picture an explicit confession but we had a lot of equivalents already. It would be weird for Aidairo to send them to the aquarium, make Kou obsessed with mitsuba (and vise verse), show that they are 'very very close' in this new timeline, keep drawing them star-struck by each other and so on without romance in the head.

Kou is also never able to put his feelings into words, like, bro that's suspicious as hell.

They always get matching art with all the couples in Aidairo's twitter arts too.

That's not queerbaiting, they may not be explicit but by the lord they are not subtle at all, there is never a single "oh Mitsuba is like a brother to me" moment, they don't undo any of the gay implications we see, they double down on it.

Kou may be bi but it sure isn't the Nene route that Aidairo is playing.

3 - Aoikane

Akane has loved Aoi since he was a little kid. Waaaaaaay before he got a clock keeper contract.

He saw that Aoi cared so much about his opinion that she'd break out of her cold persona and burst into tears at the idea of being hated, and he locked in for life.

They are the codependent childhood friends troupe, the "I know you better than anyone" troupe, the "you are a part of my life I can't live without" troupe and they both love each other from the very start of the manga, not showing romantic interest in anyone else.

Nothing has made Akane change his mind about being with Aoi. Not being stabbed, not being rejected many times, not facing how bad aoi is at deling with her issues head on. He'll do anything for her time and time again.

in Akane's own words:

They had many build ups and a whole arc dedicated to their developments with each other (which is a lot considering they aren't main characters and Aoi usually get no focus in this manga.)

Narratively, it wouldn't make any sense to dedicate so many chapters pointing out how much they mean to each other and slowly working through their issues only to slap another ship at the end.

And is not like Aidairo said "They had their arc let's never talk about them again!", the author went out of her way to say "Even in a world where Aoi is in an arranged marriage, she still loves Akane"

They aren't subtle.

From the matching names, to the way they both crumble when they are separated from one another and keep thinking about marriage, they are very devoted. They have already explicitly confessed to the audience that they are in love with each other.

They'll either stay together forever or they'll die together.

[venusacrossthestars]

sharp or dull

pairing- Lando Norris x fem!reader

summary- Lando has begged you to stream with him, you will on one condition- it has to be an ASMR stream

wc- 1.7k

a/n: I wrote this in one sitting bc I cooked this up as a nighttime scenario, because I am an ASMR hoe, hope you enjoy! I also tried something a little new, I added the 'chat' section of the stream, you'll see what I mean. idk if I'm a fan of it or not.

f1 masterlist

Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response, or better yet known as ASMR, had taken TikTok, YouTube, and nearly every other social media platform by storm. To you, ASMR was a calming and relaxing way to unwind after a long day. And as an ASMR-artist you were constantly trying to find new ways to bring that experience to your viewers

Lando, however, could never understand the appeal of ASMR. He didn’t find it relaxing, calming, or anything of the sorts. He much preferred to fall asleep in pure silence, maybe the sound of a fan once in a while. While he didn’t understand it that didn’t mean he didn’t support you and your ‘art’. 

“Babeeee,” Lando whined. 

“What?” 

“Stream with me, pleaseeeee.” 

You rolled your eyes for what felt like the hundredth time. Lando had been begging you for days to with him. Why? Well, when you asked him his exact words were, “Because I get lonely.”  And while you loved Lando, sitting there while he played whatever random game he could find just to keep him company, did not sound appealing. 

“Landoooo,” you draw out in response to his whining. 

“Baby please,” he begs again, “I’ll even let you choose what we do, I swear.” 

A lightbulb goes off in your head. “Anything?” 

“Yes?” He replies, curious to your response. 

Your face breaks out into a grin, “And you promise you’ll do it.” 

Lando takes a big gulp, “What are you planning woman?” 

“Promise?” You hold out your pinky and shake it at him, awaiting his answer. 

He takes your pinky in his, “Promise.” 

Its a week later when Lando is finally able to stream and you couldn’t be more excited. You still haven’t told your boyfriend of your plans. 

“Babe, what are we doing? I need to know so I can set up.” 

“Don’t worry about setting any of your games up. We are going to be doing something else,” You tell him. 

Lando shoots you a confused look, “Care to let me in that pretty head of yours.” 

You giggle, “Well since you said we can do anything of my choosing we will being doing an ASMR stream!” You throw out your hands excitedly. 

Lando looks less than thrilled, “No.” He says flatly. “I meant like you could pick out the game or a challenge. I am not doing ASMR.” 

“You should’ve specified the terms then Norris. And if I am remembering correctly you pinky promised on ‘anything’, can’t go back on that.” 

“Babe I'm not doing ASMR.” 

“Fine then you can stream by yourself.” You cross your arms across your chest and give Lando a pointed look, you were not backing down. 

“No.” 

“You wouldn’t even have to do anything! I would be doing all of it!” 

“No.” 

“Not even a head massage?” 

“No.” 

“Not even sharp or dull?” 

This is when you know you have him hooked. Lando can tell everyone that he doesn’t care for ASMR, that he doesn’t find it relaxing, all that jazz. But you know something they don’t. You know that this man is a sucker for the ‘sharp or dull’ genre of ASMR, and since Lando has sworn you to secrecy you were unable to share this juicy piece of information with the world. 

“... fine, I am only doing this because I love you.” 

As Lando was setting up the stream you were busy gathering your supplies that were spewed about Lando’s streaming room, which at times doubled as your recording studio when you filmed for your YouTube channel. 

Lando went live, muting his mic while being black-screened. You could see the comments flooding the chat:

landonorizzzzzzz- LANDO STREAMMMMMMM pizzaparty124003- about time!! we were in a drought! carlando4lifeeee- HE”S BACK FROM WARRRRR justaninchident- WE CAN”T SEE YOU papayaboyzzz- LANDOOOOOOOOO

Lando unmutes his mic, “I know you can’t see me chat.” 

You whack his arm, “Lando, be nice.” 

carlando4lifeeee- IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS???? landoandy/naremyparents- MOTHER IS HERE justaninchident- DEFEND ME MOTHER PLEASEEEEE sofishdicatedaf- OMG WE ARE GETTING A Y/N AND LANDO STREAM??

Lando finally turns on the camera and chat continues to lose their mind, “Yes chat, Y/N is here.” 

You wave at the camera, “Hiiiiiii!” 

“Do you want to tell them what we are doing today or do want me?” 

“I can tell them. Chat, today we are doing something I am a literal professional at.” Lando rolls his eyes, “Don’t roll your eyes at me mister, you begged me for a literal week to stream with you.” 

landoandy/naremyparents- HE BEGGED HER TO STREAM WITH HIM?!?!!  y/nismymotherfrfr- RELATIONSHIP GOALS papayaboyzzz- lol simppppppp

You glance at chat, laughing at their reaction, “Yes, he’s been begging for me to do this for a long time! I only agreed once he pinky promised that we could do whatever I want. And I chose,” you pause in suspense, “to do ASMR on my lovely boyfriend.” 

“Yay,” Lando says enthusiastically. 

“Stop. You are going to love it.” 

“If you insist.” 

You launch into explanation, “So as some of you know I run an ASMR account on YouTube and TikTok and today I’ll be doing a couple different ‘triggers’ on Lando.” 

“A couple? I only agreed to one,” he interrupts you. You shoot Lando a pleading look and it takes only a few seconds before he is admitting defeat. “Fine, only a couple though.” He glances at the screen where the chat is displayed, “Call me a simp all you want, at least I have a girlfriend to simp over.” 

“Chat, don’t mind him, he only found out what I wanted to do like 20 minutes ago. But as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted is that I’ll be doing a couple different ‘triggers’ that are pretty popular amongst my audience such as- sharp or dull, head massage, hair brushing.” 

After your explanation you get up from your seat and gather your supplies as Lando messes with the camera and mic. 

“Lan, can you scooch back just a tad?”

“Hmm? Oh, of course baby.” 

“Thank you,” you give him a small kiss on the crown of his head.

“So I am going to start of with the head massage and hair brushing first,” you explain to chat, moving to speak in your softer, slower tone that you use while filming, “Then for the grand finale I’ll do the sharp or dull.” 

Lando always turned to putty when you played with his hair, you weren’t expecting this to be any different, well minus the fact that a bunch of fans were watching. At first you weren’t sure if the mic was even picking up on any of noise but one quick glance at chat seemed that they were all enjoying it. For multiple reasons, you were sure of it. 

After five-or-so minutes of head scratching you decide to check in on your completely silent boyfriend. “Still doing okay baby?” You ask, voice nearly a whisper. 

“Yeah, I’m doing great,” Lando response at full Lando volume. 

papayaboyzzz- MY EARSSSSSS sofishdicatedaf- tell me why I had my volume all the way up and this man decided to talk FULL VOLUME WHAT THE HELL LANDO ass-mr- this man has no idea how to asmr asmrismycrack- no bc why? his gf is literally an asmr PRO

You chuckle at the comments, “Baby you have to be quiet.” 

“What? Why?” He turns around, looking at you confused. 

“Because having people talk loudly, or practically screaming in your case, isn’t really relaxing to listen to.” 

“Oh, sorry,” Lando drops his voice to a much quieter tone, giving you a sheepish smile. 

“That’s okay baby.”

You go move through a couple other triggers, and around the 20-minute mark you decided to wrap things up, “Ok, since I don’t want to bore all of you we are going to move onto the sharp or dull. Then, I don’t know, maybe a Q and A or something.” 

Once again you explain the sharp or dull concept to Lando and the chat, “By the way chat this is Lando’s favorite genre.” 

“Lies, I don’t watch ASMR.” 

“You’re the only one telling lies. You love sharp or dull ASMR, it’s the only one you watch.” 

“Babeeee,” Lando whines, “You were sworn to secrecy.” 

You shrug your shoulders, “Whoops.” 

“Now no one will think I’m cool.” 

“I don’t think you needed any help with that.” Lando looks at you offend that you would say such a thing, you grab his head and turn his face back to the camera. “Okay close your eyes and tell me if this is sharp or dull,” 

You alternate between poking Lando's face with the Q-tip or the toothpick that you have in your hand. Lando gets every guess correct but as you go on you can tell by how his voice gets quieter that he is getting more and more tired. Maybe doing this stream late at night wasn't the best idea. 

“Ok, I think that’s enough.” 

Lando groans at his cut off, “Chat I don’t think I’m gonna make it.” 

You giggle at his sleepiness, “Next time we can do something you want, but for now I think it’s time for bed.”

Lando hums in agreement, “Goodnight everyone! Thanks for tunning in!” 

You wave at the camera, “Goodnight!!” 

Lando shuts down the stream along with his PC and slumps in his chair, “What did you do to me. I’m ready to pass out.” 

“It’s the magic of ASMR.” 

“Fine, I guess it was the magic of ASMR,” Lando sighs out.

“Does that mean you like it now?” You ask, pulling him out of his chair. 

Lando collapses against you, his arms wrap around you as the two of you waddle towards the bathroom. “I only like it when you do it. That’s it.” 

“I’ll take it.” 

The two of you brush your teeth in silence, you watch as Lando can barely keep his eyes open. His sleepiness at your ASMR was a compliment in the highest regards. Lando reattaches himself to your back as you make your way into your shared bedroom. 

As you climb under the covers and reposition yourself in Lando’s arms you can feel his breathing steady out. 

“Babe?” He whispers. 

“Lan?” 

“You meant what you said?” 

“Meant what?” 

“That we could do whatever I want next time you come and stream with me?” 

“Well, anything within reason.” 

“Promise,” Lando wiggles his pinky.

“Promise,” you whisper back, interlocking his pinky with yours.

taglist- (crosses out names mean I couldn't tag you)

@arieslost @customsbyjcg-blog @gr1mes-cc @styl1shl1v @landoscardotcom @poppyflower-22 @blancastans @katiezdiarysblog @mrsstylez @jamieeboulos @xfuckoffx @motkanykodas @emi0358 @ab-127 @alrightysyaphrodite @sya-skies @liacoresstuff @leathersuitrry @travelingece1995 @kageyamas-milk @ugfuchvvvz @jupooo @alex0808 @caleysblog @jess-wither @cassymendezz164445 @rattiefattie69 @sadisticfries @lou-larcher5 @harrietstylinson7 @inlovewithdeadboys @rickyrivera11 @cleverpeachheropersona @loveyatopluto @elysyannemimi @arayofsunshineme @lilyevanswhore @slaygirlbossworld @jupooo @heyheyheyggg @eringaitskill

[krystella-shifts]

Hi holy shit ok. Idk who else to send this too because I'm unsure about the new blogs on here but I used to be a big blog on loablr before I deactivated in 202...3 I think. Anyway. I recently got back into this because I fully crashed out and decided I wanted my dream life more than I ever have. I made a Pinterest board called "peep game lock in fr" (lmao) and filled it with my dream body, life, friends, money, job, etc etc. I've looked at it religiously since about 3 days ago. I listened to Edward Art again as a refresher, and because I've been around here before it was easy to get back into the swing of stuff. Today was a slightly doubtful day but nothing much.

I am being deadly serious here, I'm not manifesting or scripting, I swear on me and my dog's life here: I have two money-related pins, one showing 10,000 pounds and the other showing 20,000. TELL ME WHY. TELL ME WHY my boyfriend suddenly texts "babe. I'm getting paid at the end of the month and I would never usually do this but I'm going to send you 10,000 pounds to put in your savings." FUCKING WHAT. He has a part-time job and the most I've ever seen in his active account was 2,000. (I was crying real tears going "oh my god. Oh my god it worked.") Bear in mind I don't have a job, I am (was) completely down-to-pennies broke, I'm a uni student, and I've been manifesting for ages but this time. This time it worked within 3 days.

I was like "oh my god babe why??" And he was like "I've been saving to give you stuff so we can buy a house." AGAIN. FLOORED. I have two house-related pins. I'm crying while texting him. He goes "I've been saving my own, and together we'd have 20,000 thereabouts." FUCKING GAGGED. I'm laughing and crying at the same time. How has this worked????? How has he revealed this to me when I started living from the end?

Ok, but what about my other pins? Again, I'm swearing on me and my dog's life; my skin's cleared up after ages, I'm skinnier, I finally have plans to go to the gym after manifesting it for ages, I am getting a ps5, I'm texting a potential new friend, and my brows and lashes have gotten thicker. I am being an adult about this; this isn't wishful thinking or confirmation bias but all of this has been dumped on me since I started 3 days ago. THREE DAYS. THREE. Some things haven't manifested yet but I'm goddamn sure they will after this lmao.

Somehow there are still doubts like "did I really do this????" But the timing and amounts are just... Too perfect. I'm excited for the future, when 3 days ago I was depressed. I'm going to stick around here but oh my god. It worked. I'm in disbelief.

Anyway my advice would be to make a Pinterest board lmao. It worked for me!!!

GIRL YOU SLAYYY 😭🫂💞 And thanks for choosing my blog for this OMG??? And don't mind DMing me cuz WHICH BIG BLOGGER ARE YOU 🧐 (Jk you don't have to tell) I think the deactivation of your acc was like a break you needed 😭 (stop overconsuming y'all it's better to focus on actually living your dream life (I'm looking at you my bestfriend 💀)) and YOU DID MANIFEST IT SLAY GIRLY QUEEN BESTIE don't doubt it! Doubt the doubts cuz "i doubt that it's just a damn coincidence. I definitely did it!!!" And that's exactly what I talk aboutttt 😭 you don't have to lift a finger bro just do what you like (eg making a pinterest board or scripting etc) IT'S SUPER EASY AND EFFORTLESS MANIFESTATION IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNNN! And yeah live in the end who cares when you have your desires stop overthinking.

THANK YOU BESTIEEE CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW HOME 👏🏻🥳🎉 Goodluck

˚˖𓍢ִ໋💞˚.✨⋆🦄

[cutieeva]

Oh shit ! I truly thought that (Y/N) has gone mad but it wasn't that way when I read the second episode !! 😔😔 I am sad for girly yet excited to read the next that's why please please please update fast 😘😘 (Also I love your writing, officially in love with you)

Bullied

Female Reader

Warnings : Bullying. Violence.

⌜ Thank you dearie for loving my art of writing, it never fails to makes me happy and here an belated update. ⌟

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒

Loving someone itself is an act of selfish so why is leaving the relationship seen so heinous ? Sometimes one's own sake of happiness is needed more than another's if fallen out of love. The sooner (Y/N) understand the better.

"What is going on in that table ?"

"Is the girl okay ?"

"Why is she making a big deal about all ?"

"He is such a lovely boy yet she is so nasty accusing him for cheating ?"

"If I had a boyfriend like that I would die from happiness".

"He should break up with her".

"She seem toxic".

"(Y/N) ! Stop it and get up". Sophia's irritated voice reach her ears and (Y/N) couldn't help but feel all is jumbled. All is unclear. All is numb because does her suffering doesn't matter ? Yes, perhaps she is overreacting yet is it her fault when he was the one to lie about everything ?

Slowly her (E/C) eyes met Sophia's and other accountances she calls friends and her heart dropped.

Her pale face in snarl.

Other's cheeks red from thoroughly shame.

Another can't even share a glance at her.

The beautiful woman standing in awkward.

The guests are whispering, increasingly harsh, scary and the workers worried.

And lastly Cameron, stood looking hurt. In pain than she was and all her beliefs, reality begin distorting.

Is she a nuisance ?

Is she really overreacting over everything like others ?

Is she the one in wrong for not trusting him ?

Is being dated on bet and built an relationship on lies is alright as long as the faulty party apologize ?

If once the trust she believes was broken in the worst way, then is she the one to create drama ?

Are lies not serious ?

Do lies have little meaning ? Is playing with someone else's feeling is a small price for a relationship she didn't even realize ?

Is she overreacting ? "Am I overreacting ?" Despite people surround her, her own few people even the boyfriend she loved once yet why she suddenly feels so alone ? Lonely ? And hopeless ?

Daze with piling doubts and thousand pairs of eyes watching her, her hand yanked by Cameron. "I am sorry, I apologize for the scene". Smiling like a good man he hold her shoulder and walk her limp body to his car he drove.

In the entirety none dare break the ice in air while Cameron was in disappointment, (Y/N) in utter confusion. All she discover is that she has fall out of love, maybe from the moment he said 'I am now' in front of the men along losing herself. For the fear to let go she latched onto him, gifting him the second chance only to realize her suspicious, love turn into anger and anger form an hatred. An hatred she didn't knew. An hatred so deep she was unable to see his goodness anymore only searching faults.

Her entire being of happy, blunt, forgiving shaped into such a stranger her own eyes have harder to see from the clear fog. She shaped into a vicious, incredulous person. A person she never even dreamed to become.

"Get off". Cameron's that soft, smooth voice rip her from the creeping shadows of words inside her mind and her haze gaze glance to find herself house. His home they decide to turn into their love nest.

Sliding down from the car, she walked towards the lift without waiting for him to follow and press the cold metal button. Her eyes dried from the tears that caught her reflection in the shining metal and she couldn't help find the dark circles weight heavy under her eyes, rim edges red and hair— a mess with barely appropriate clothes on. She looks nothing alike the neat, fresh (Y/N).

She looks wasted, used and worn off self— the door of the lifts snap her out again, she blink twice before stepping in properly. Their floor came faster than she expect and the moment the doorknob twist open. She close her eyes ready to be face with angry lashing, words like knives twisting her guts yet none came.

Rather he remove his coat, wash his hands and smile. "What shall we eat then ?"

She merely stare at him.

He continue to smile. The smile she doesn't find warming, sweet.

"Maybe something different. Like Pollo al Ajillo, in English known as Garlic Chicken ? Hmm ?" A single word didn't slip her lips, standing at her roots.

And without her reply he decided. She watched him not moving her an inch cooking, smiling like a normal couple. Minutes bled into hours and little to no care he serve the food, finally ripping her from her roots and sat her beside him.

Stomach churn in no hunger and eyes burden to open, she look at him. "Let's take a break". The metal spoon his fingers held pause, his smile creased.

"I-I need spac—".

"You don't". He cut off smoothly. His smile wider to it's length than before and the spoon between his fingers lay on the wooden table. "I know what happen today was a little overboard but do not worry. It was my fault after all and it's alright. I forgive you". Soft his eyes he push the plate of food to her, an gesture to eat.

However she couldn't. Her eyes couldn't rip from the oblivious face, acting all normal, when nothing is. Nothing is normal. Their relationship is falling apart, their love draft from one another and trust long out of the picture.

He so easily utter his denial. She doesn't need space, perhaps she doesn't but wouldn't he at least ask the reason behind ? Even if it's known still ask and not play the game of pretend. It's exhausting because they are a real couple not actors in a play.

"Would you not ask me why ?" Her voice in end crack.

"Would it make a difference ?"

"Yes, a lot". Honestly she shares, it will help her a lot to understand the real Cameron, the one who she fell for or the one she saw when the illusion shatter.

He turn his head to her. "We are doing alright. It will be fine. Look am I not improving myself ?" No, she only sees him now complying to her wishes easily.

"I need space". She look away, his face reminding her of those cherish days. "We both need space". She finished, adamant on seperating even if it's for a moment she wants to breath, the tightness on her chest is too much and the alarming mistrust.

Once a pot is broken, even with the finest potter's hands can't fix the remained lines of past.

"Okay". To her surprise he agreed "I see, you need time to cool your head". With that he stood up and went to their shared bedroom leaving her and the cold food behind.

Her finger hold the spoon to take a bite of the dish however few inches from her lips she pause. Staring at the food and can't help but cry of unable to eat at the end. Merely thinking how without waiting for her choice, he cooked the food, only giving an illusion of choices.

☾

When one announce their break up. People's first reaction is : 

"Did he cheat ?"

"Did you cheat ?"

"Is he abusive ?"

"Manipulative ?"

"Controlling ?"

"A bet". (Y/N) would say. "I was a bet he was dared to date and in process he fell for me but he always treated not less than a princess and after I found out he begged, confessed his love. From then he always is perfect. Even ignoring my overreaction". All the voices stopped altogether. The harsh, doubtful all pause because in this picture nothing is wrong apart from the fact he was a liar, who lied and fixed himself for better. He really did but can it patch the wounds of her shattered faith in him ?

People always say second chance can change lives, do wonders and in her she saw. She can see why they give second chances yet she can't bring herself to love anymore. She is angry, stuck on the phrase where all laughed at her like a clown, whispering, betting for how long would she last.

Was she a human or a puppet ? He never defended her, he never share his thoughts with her. She doesn't even know him anymore. She really really is lost.

Even walking towards the metal gates of university seem heavy, scary. Her mind already twisted her vision of people laughing, hating her. Being the center of attention she so wants to be away from. Her (E/C) eyes glance around walking to her class recalling not to stumble upon them or him. She is enough exhausted. She doesn't need more.

BANG! She flinched, her nerves jolting.

BANG! Her eyelids snapped shut, shielding herself from the brutality.

BANG! The sound of flesh colliding with metal reverberated through her ears, leaving a buzzing ache. A human body, crumpling like a rag doll.

"Poor him. He should quit or complain". Not so subtle whispers like flicker of fire circle around, reaching her ears.

"Shouldn't he die at this rate ?" Cruel.

"What a bore. Really ? Everyday ? Isn't it such a nuisance—". Cruel. So, so cruel. Just because a person can't help himself doesn't give these people the chance to pity him. To paint him— the victim the cause of his own suffering. His silence was twisted into consent, his helplessness fuel for their merciless ridicule.

Cruel. Cruel. Cruel. Cruel. Laughter like devilish cackles echoed, faces feigning sympathy, eyes gleaming with fox-like innocence. Cowardly souls, masking their true nature.

She, too, wore a mask, hypocrisy veiling her own darkness.

That's why in a blink of an eye. Her once neat clean palm painted in crimson, stretch of iron reeking the air, painful grunts and horried screams and distorted yells is making no sense to her. She can't understand the aching in her palm, the cries of the familiar boy's underneath her, chanting of word fight and her own tears rolling down.

"Fight. Fight. Fright. Fright". The crowd roar fueling her more and more and more. Why are they encouraging ? Yet why does it feel like she is revelling in it ?

"(Y/N) ! Stop beating Adrian". Oh. Her palms ache because she is punching his face, painted in crimson because it's his blood, cries belong to Adrian who lay beneath her helpless like that boy he was seconds ago using as a ragdoll.

How wonderful.

She can't stop. She punch and punch and punch and punch uttering only three words. "I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry". Not to the bully— no never to Adrian. Never to the boy who is violent to innocent. It's to the victim, to the unknown jester of everyone's joke. For Everyone's play. For the system that enable Adrian's cruelty into fun.

She is sorry for blind. She is sorry for foolish. She is sorry for being coward. She is sorry for ignoring him. She is sorry for wearing mask of pretense herself. She is sorry for falling into the lies of Cameron. She is sorry for saying yes to his proposal. She is sorry for overreacting. She is sorry for suspecting. She is sorry for losing trust. She is sorry for not being happy with a perfect boyfriend.

She is sorry for fell in love.

She is sorry for.....everything.

To herself.

To everything.

☾

Dry tears stain her (S/C) cheeks as in empty space she stare, leaning on the chair in front of director's office. The woman's words faded into background noise, inaudible over the cacophony of her thoughts.

Her mind replayed the chaos: the frantic struggle, the flash of anger, the blur of fists. She couldn't recall who intervened, pulling her back from the brink of destruction. By then, he had already crumpled, unconscious. Her tangled hair bore witness to the scuffle, matted from the grasping hands of his minions, few blood dotted her blue jeans, a crimson constellation from her own nose. Her torn t-shirt hung askew, shoulder exposed while he— lay worse. Broken. Lifeless almost.

Yet no remorse stirred in her stomach, surprisingly. Instead, a lingering sense of justification lingered, eclipsed only by the anguish she felt for the victim. The one she had been compelled to defend, driven by a primal urge to protect she only dreamed.

"(Y/N), can you hear me?" The director's voice cut through the tension. "Do you comprehend the gravity of your situation? You're at risk of expelled !" An humorless laugh almost slip from (Y/N).

Expelled for what ? Punching a deserving scum to death while he punch an innocent boy to death when his skin wasn't even healed from the stitches of wounds Adrian left on him ?

(E/C) eyes stare at the female director who's blue glossy eyes stare at (Y/N) like she was a demon of chao when in her view, the real corrupt could be the adult, this lady who blind these physical, emotion abuse. Pain so small like (Y/N)'s bet and huge imprinting like that boy's scars for eternal to remember. Become something that etched in their memories, their experiences, though grave and painful, would be reduced to cautionary stories, diluted by time and retelling. The true weight of their suffering would remain unspoken, lost amidst the faint whispers of a forgotten past.

The tense standoff ended when the director's blue eyes darted past (Y/N), as if catching something She sighed audibly, her expression softening. "Get out. Reflect on your actions and the reasons for your two-week suspension. Expulsion is off the table." She mused confusing (Y/N)'s daze self a little and when she stood up, walking out of the room.

She understand meeting his concern eyes. Her boyfriend must have used his power.

Cameron swallowed under her intense gaze, part his lips to say when she continue to walk, aware of the pain in her body suddenly.

Alone in the empty hallway, she felt a fleeting sense of peace, liberated from the weight of others' judgments. Her footsteps echoed off the walls as she moved, ghost-like. Her eyes drifted to the scattered belongings on the floor, remnants of the chaos. She bent to gather them, her movements slow and deliberate.

A sudden twinge of pain shot through her knee as she crouched. (Y/N) winced, noticing the cut, a crimson gash on her pale skin. She gingerly touched the wound, her fingers tracing the tender edge. This time she felt like crying with clarity, like she knew what she was crying for along a need. Tears swell within her (E/C) eyes waiting to fall.

"It will hurt more if you cry". Calmly she gaze beside her. To the lockers where the boy slumped, his face still smeared with blood. The indifference surrounding him was palpable, as if no one cared about his suffering. (Y/N) press her lips, pulling a white handkerchief to hand him.

He accepted the handkerchief, his fingers brushing against hers. With gentle movements, he wiped the blood from his face, revealing a canvas of bruises and wounds beneath. For the first time, (Y/N) saw his true complexion – pale, with a hint of rosy undertones. The vibrant hues of his injuries – purple, blue, and crimson – stood in stark contrast to his delicate skin.

As the blood was wiped away, his features emerged, and (Y/N) noticed the sharp angles of his cheekbones, the gentle curve of his nose, and the softness of his lips.

"I am sorry". It fell out before she could revise or add.

"Don't be". He shake his head. "Everyone's coward. Even me". (Y/N) desire to protest of his own situation.

"I am talking about you". She blink. "You are Cameron's girlfriend". He utter like a fact. "All business major knew about a bet on a girl. They just didn't knew who until one of Cameron's friend told about your relationship making everyone realize who she is but wasn't sure". Her breath hitched. So they did. All did.

"I too, because I am from business major. Yet I was a coward to not say the truth or at least..." He tailed off. "Warn you". He finished heavy silence weight the air. (Y/N) inhale, not finding words to explain the mess of feelings she is having. Indeed both were jester of everyone's joke.

As she scoffed, her gaze trailed his movements, expecting him to walk away. But instead, he swooped down, his lithe frame folding into a crouch beside her. His amber eyes locked onto her knee, the cut a tiny, crimson gash.

Without a word, he reached out, his fingertips grazing her skin as he applied a band-aid. A shiver danced up her spine at the gentle touch.

"You know you're also being bullied?" His voice was low, concerned. Her eyes lift to his focused ones on her cut, whispering a "No".

"Bullying is not only physical you know. It can be emotional too. And what is happening to you is bullying too. An emotional one where he took advantage of your trust, then play with your feelings, manipulate you into staying in the relationship when you clearly in daze of the complexity and not in right state. If he truly cared about you, wouldn't he have asked how you felt or given you the space to think? Wouldn't he have prioritized your well-being over his own desires? But instead, he rushed you into this relationship, disregarding your boundaries and emotions". His words felt like sting of bees she couldn't process as the image of Cameron's pained face when she accused of him cheating in front of others.

His pure happiness when he pull the chair for her in front of her parents.

His patience when she was crying so suddenly and at the restaurant.

Her colleagues Sofia and others disturbed faces and harsh whispers.

"No. No. He is not perfect, yes. He is not good entirely. He is a liar but he improved. It is I who has problem. I fall out of love, mistrust him and..." Her throat felt dry to speak and she swallowed having difficulty seeing. The problem lies in her. She is the odd, fallen one.

The boy finally gaze his amber eyes and said. "If Cameron really is a good person. Not perfect, good. Then why in the first place are you lashing out and angrily pushing your anger on Adrian ? And in a mess mindset ?" It left (Y/N) shunned. Because truly did she blames Cameron for her misery. Hates him for his mockery of perfection. However never did she blame him for his entanglement to this relationship based on lies for her was truth.

"Let's assume Cameron is a good person who genuinely cares for you and loves you deeply, but isn't able to let you go. However, if being with him no longer brings you happiness— not because of his flaws, but because your feelings have changed and you're staying solely out of guilt or obligation, don't you think it's time to reevaluate? For your own sake, shouldn't you prioritize your happiness even if it's selfishness ?"

As he stood, dusting off his pants, (Y/N) lifted her gaze to meet his. His eyes held a gentle intensity. "After all, loving someone is, in itself, a selfish act," he added, his voice low and thoughtful.

"I am saying this because you came out of your cowardness for me and I for you". the boy said, wincing as he gingerly touched his jaw. "I should get to the nurse," he added, his voice laced with discomfort.

She swiftly stood up, her hand brushing against his arm with an awkward yet tender touch. "Let me help."

"No, it's okay..." He trailed off, his mind reeling as a wave of dizziness washed over him. His legs weakened, and he swayed precariously, almost toppling over.

(Y/N)'s eyes widened in alarm as she swiftly grasped his arms, her grip tight.

𝑻𝒐 𝑩𝒆 𝑪𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒖𝒆𝒅

☾ ────────

[zahri-melitor]

Okay while I suddenly have SO MUCH Warlord posting about to ensue, let me review the premises of all 6 of these DC Go! solicits.

Warriors and a Wee Wonder: as some other people have said, this is totally Wonder-Tot and I am excited. It looks frankly adorable and is the antidote for everyone who has been complaining about the lack of Amazons in the Trinity flashback stories.

Aquaman: Yo-Ho-Hold Onto Your Hook!: so this is Josh Trujillo’s latest DC project; an Aquaman pirate AU. The aesthetics look fun, though Ha’wea appears to have stolen Miguel Barragan (Bunker)’s aesthetic.

Also I adore they’re going on a Holy Grail quest for King Arthur’s hook/harpoon. If you’re going to make these series based on dreadful puns this is a far better premise than some of the others.

Jon Kent: This Internship Is My Kryptonite: why isn’t this comic about Jay working at the Daily Planet, is my question, while Jon struggles with his boyfriend working for his parents?

Look I don’t really care about Jon Kent, but I’m sure his fans who enjoy his grown up stories will have fun with more content.

My biggest hesitation is actually this bit: “life as a superhero daylighting as a reporter is a little different today than it was back then…” - this is MAWS. That’s literally the premise of MAWS. Why are we making MAWS with Jon Kent?

The Magical Mysteries of Shazam!: Tawky Tawny is Billy’s adoptive uncle/foster father, this is the greatest premise ever.

They’ve slimmed the cast to Freddy, Pedro and Darla, and I am fascinated to see how this works.

Sounds like they’re really leaning into the Fawcett side of Shazam in this and it should be a lot of fun.

My Little Warlord: I don’t know what sort of Warlord love in has been happening over at DC to get this immediately after the Flash storyline, but I’ve got to say I’m excited and the art style is adorable.

Taste of Justice: ah, I see, this is the Dungeon Meshi inspired pitch. What I hope this comes with: an Anthony Bourdain aesthetic and recipes every issue.

[enchantingbl0ssom]

Hello! Can I request an Ezra Bridger x reader who likes to hum? Like she hums almost everyday and it's always the same tune

One day Ezra asked why she hums so much, and finds out that she's humming a tune her parents would sing to her and her siblings. And she hums to feel close to her family (what happened to them is up to you)

Humming Bird

⋆˚ ︵ ‿ ︵ ‿ ︵ ୨ ��� ୧ ︵ ‿ ︵ ‿ ︵ ˚⋆

Characters ➼ Ezra Bridger x jedi!female reader

Word Count ➼ 941 words

Warnings ➼ death of family members, shooting, PTSD flashback

A/N ➼ Hope you enjoy reading! Thank you for the request! Sorry it's a bit late, I have been very busy today.

The Ghost crew are finally able to rest after countless missions across the galaxy. Been gone away from Lothal for far too long - four months to be exact. To enjoy their freedom, everyone has gone off to enjoy their day. Kanan and Hera have gone on a date to some nearby markets, getting some food and supplies for the crew. While everyone else stayed on the ship. Sabine is in her room creating many art designs, Zeb is sleeping like always, and Ezra is playing with the loth cats just outside the ship. That leaves you, sitting in the cockpit, staring at the picturesque sky, as the sun sets. Humming to your favourite tune. Calmness and comfort spreading through your body like wildfire.

Yet the calmness disappears after hearing Chopper’s beeps, annoying the peaceful experience you were having. 

“Go away, Chop.” You requested, looking over your shoulder to Chopper. Rolling your eyes, you look back to the window, admiring the view again. 

Two minutes of peace goes by when Chopper is back to being annoying again. 

“What now Chop?” You yelled, just wanting Chopper to be gone for a moment.

Chopper beeps angrily at you, attitude and ego exceeding high levels. 

“What do you mean you sound better than me? You’re a droid, for fucks sake!” You responded back, shoulders slumping back.

He beeps back at you defensively. Trying to prove his point. Terribly. 

The two of you continue arguing with each other, piquing your boyfriend’s interest. Your voice against Chopper’s silences the sound coming from Ezra’s footsteps. 

“You know what I am done arguing with you Chop.” Ezra heard you say just before Chopper beeps back at you again. 

You rolled your eyes, walking back to your seat, sighing in exhaustion. To overcome your annoyance of the argument and Chopper, you go back to humming, staring at the sky. Hearing the footsteps of Ezra entering the cockpit, you spin around in your chair facing him, giving him a smile, he walks over and sits on the seat next to you. 

“You alright?” He asked, glancing over towards you, but then going back to staring into the sky just like you. 

“Yeah, just chops being annoying.” Silence fills up the room after you replied. No sounds to be heard, except for you quietly humming. 

“Hey, babe, why do you always hum that tune? I hear it all the time coming from your mouth.” Ezra spoke up, after a couple minutes hearing you hum.

You turn to look at him, surprised why he is asking this question so late into your relationship. As you have been dating for more than a couple months now. He stares at you, waiting for an answer, but when you are still frozen in shock he places a hand over your, with his other hand cupping your cheek. 

“If you don't want to talk about it that’s fine.” He said, rubbing his hands softly against your skin. You lean into his comforting touch, before sighing.

Looking into his eyes, you started speaking. “It was what my parents would sing to me and my siblings everyday, and it makes me feel closer to them.”

“Wait, you have siblings” How come you never talk about them” He interrogated, excitement bubbling inside of him, wanting to meet your family.

“They are dead.” His face drops. He apologizes, squeezing your hand in comfort. 

“If you don't mind me asking, what happened to them?” Ezra can’t believe that he has been dating you for this long and didn't know about your family.

“You know how I am a Jedi? Well the Sith hunted me and my family down once the Republic went down.” Your body slumped, your mind flashing to multiple memories.

―୨❀୧―

It has been a few weeks since you and your family have been last hunted down. The last time you guys encountered the Sith, all your siblings died.

There is no time for thoughts though, as the front door bangs open. Firing squads ready to aim. Your parents draw out their lightsabers, wanting, needing to protect the last little bit of light in their world. You. 

“Y/M/N, run, take her with you!” Your father yelled, heading towards the front door, ready to defend you and your mother.

Your mother grabs you by your hand, listening to your father’s words. Running towards your bedroom, your mother places you on her lap, humming a very familiar tune. Trying to get your attention away from your father’s situation. 

A commander's words of ‘fire’ echo around the house. Gun shots could be heard, alongside your father’s screams of anguish and pain as he became weaker, unable to defend anymore.

Hearing your father's body drop to the floor, sounded like a bomb went off for both you and your mother. Your mother reacted quickly, pushing you to the back door. 

Soldier’s footsteps filled the house.

“Go! Go now!” Your mother screamed as she pushed you outside. Your mother looked behind her back, soldiers coming closer.

“Run now, please!” Your mother continued to beg, before closing the door, to limit the soldier’s access to you.

You ran away, listening to your mothers words, as they echoed in your head, tears falling down your face. 

Soldiers' commands could be heard as they chased after you.

―୨❀୧―

“Hey, hey, Y/N? Baby? Breathe with me.” Ezra said, snapping you out of your dream. 

Listening to him, your heart settles, you look at him graciously, thank him, before hugging yourself, humming an over familiar tune.

Ezra stares at you, continuing to hold your hand. Closing his eyes, he rests his head back, loving the sound of your voice.

[qmrzi]

MA FEMME ; XU MINGHAO

PAIRING; x.minghao x fem!reader (no use of prns).

GENRE; fluff, short fic.

WARNS; non-idol!minghao, use of petnames (mon ange, mon amour, hao, ma femme), kissing, minghao flirting with reader, teasing (?), minghao and the reader are already in a relationship, reader's wearing a dress in day4, mention of food, proposal au.

ABOUT; minghao taking you to paris for your 5 yrs anniversary as a surprise, but you didn't know that there was a better surprise waiting for you.

WORD COUNT; 1,106

A/N; *mon ange: my angel. | Mon amour: my love. | ma femme: my wife*

Today is your 5 year anniversary with your boyfriend, minghao.

You always dreamt of spending your time in Paris with minghao and exploring France together, but you NEVER shared this thought with him because you think it's so silly and childish. But you were shocked when you received a gift from him 4 days before the anniversary. It was a ticket to France, specifically Paris.

DAY 1 ; TRAVEL DAY.

"I've got everything, my passport, my luggage, my wallet, my phone, and my keys.. did I forget something?" You were rumbling to yourself while walking back and forth in the middle of the living room.

"You must be excited, hmm?" minghao smiled at you as he wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder, and kissed your temple.

"I AM excited! My dream is becoming true!" You clapped your hands excitedly and turned around to see his smiling face.

"C'mon, let's go. We'll be late for the flight" minghao steps away from you and places a peck on your lips.

DAY 2 ; MORNING IN PARIS.

You opened your eyes slowly due to the sun lighting the hotel room, you shifted to the other side to see minghao lying beside you, arms in your middle and his leg placed above yours. You stayed like that for about 5 minutes admiring his sleepy face covered with his blonde bangs. You brushed off his bangs away from his face to admire him more.

"Hm..morning," he said in a raspy, sleepy voice that made you melt and feel lucky to have him as your man.

"Morning, hao," you smiled at him and he smiled back. "Did you sleep well?"

"I would've if you didn't interrupt me by gazing at my beautiful face for a whole 5 minutes." He smirked, he was totally teasing you. "W-wait, you were awake?!" You were caught off guard by his words, he knew what you were doing while he was asleep.

"Of course, I was, mon ange," he slowly sat up from the bed and peeked at you after wearing his shirt "Go get ready, we'll eat breakfast outside."

"Mon ange?? Is that a new petname or what?" You giggled at the nickname, even tho you didn't know what it meant, but you knew it was a sweet, loving petname.

DAY 3 ; LOUVRE MUSEUM.

You guys were walking around in the Louvre museum hand in hand and looking at the arts and the tourists as minghao explained to you the story behind every item you laid your gaze on.

"And that's the mona lisa by leonardo da vinci," minghao said to you while you looked at the painting.

"Is that the mona lisa? Why it is so small??" You asked minghao confusingly, or we can say judging.

"Huh? What do you mean by that, mon ange?" He giggles at your question and your tone that showed him you didn't like it.

"Nothing. I just thought it was bigger than this."

He giggled again "Let's just go to a different section if you keep judging every art I show you."

DAY 4 ; EIFFEL TOWER.

"Wow.. is that all for me?!" You gasped as you entered the restaurant with minghao with his hand on your back.

Minghao rented the whole restaurant just for you. And the view.. omg. It was fabulous. It has the view of the Eiffel Tower that you dreamt of seeing in real life, with minghao.

You sat on the table beside the window and minghao sat in front of you holding your hand above the table smiling sweetly at you and admiring your happy face with his full-in-love eyes.

"Do you like it, mon ange?" Minghao said in a soothing loving voice.

"Yep! It's so nice and also so romantic! Thank you soo much, hao!" You said happily and squeezed his hand lightly. "Anything for you."

As you too ordered and started eating while talking a bit, minghao noticed that most of the time you were looking out from the window at the Eiffel Tower and smiling.

"You seem to really like the view, how about after we eat go to the top of the Eiffel Tower? He said calmly. "W-wait what?! Really??" You asked him as your eyes widened. "Omg! I don't know how to thank yo-" you get cut off by minghao saying "stop thanking me, I'm doing all of that because you are my girlfriend, who else I'm gonna spoil??" minghao said smiling lightly as he continued "also, there is a surprise waiting for you, so hurry up and let's go".

As you both entered the elevator to the top of the Eiffel Tower, you immediately felt nauseous in your stomach.

"I think.. that was a bad idea.." you murmured silently but loud enough for minghao to hear.

"Are you okay? We can get back if you-" you interrupt him quickly "no! I'm okay. We can continue. It's just.. my first time going that high.. I'll be okay!". Minghao smiled a bit and held your hand. "If you feel anything wrong, just tell me."

You too reached the top of the tower. You immediately went to the railing to take a look at Paris, not waiting for minghao to follow you.

"Omg, hao, the view is soo worth it!! I'm so in love!" Your smile reached your ear from happiness. "Wait- minghao?" You realized that minghao wasn't near you, so you turned around. And when you turned around, you slapped your hand against your mouth. You saw minghao on his knees with a box in his hand.

"S/O, I want to thank you for all the time you were with me, those five years were the best in my life because you were on it, I don't know what would I have done in my life if you hadn't been with me, you are like the light in my dark life. So, will you marry me and light my life more, mon amour?"

You were quiet while listening to his words and your eyes were full of tears.

"I- I" you couldn't continue your words due to the tears storming down hard from your eyes.

Minghao got up from the floor and hugged you tight as he cooed at you.

"Shh..calm down, mon amour. I can't stand seeing you crying because of me" he brushed your back and drew circles in your back to calm down.

"I.. I do. I do wanna marry you. T-this is the best day in my life." You laughed between your sobbing. "But on one condition, keep calling me by those petnames, I like them." "Of course, ma femme."

Belongs to @qmrzi , DO NOT REPOST OR TRANSLATE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AND CREDIT.

[themculibrary]

Stony Christmas Fics Masterlist

A Christmas For You And Me (ao3) - idiotwithdreams steve/tony, bucky/clint, bruce/natasha, jane/thor G, 5k

Summary: Forced into playing Secret Santa with the rest of the Avengers, Tony Stark falls into a state of panic as he struggles to find the perfect gift for the super soldier that he is not in love with, no matter what Pepper says, it’s just a crush. Really.

Meanwhile, Steve Rogers has decided that Christmas is the time for love and confessions, and has the perfect present in mind for his favorite genius. Little does he know that said genius possesses the ability to misinterpret perfect gifts so differently.

Christmas fluff with idiot boys in love. Ft. Pepper and Natasha being tired of all the angsty pining while Bucky loves enjoying Steve’s misery!

A Christmas Saved (ao3) - samptra E, 9k

Summary: Cold hearted Tony Stark is about to get a lesson in what Christmas is all about.

A Lifetime Of Christmases (ao3) - Coffee_and_notebooks G, 1k

Summary: One of the things that made Christmas so special for them was the traditions they had, what they could look forward to every year.

They had both always been those people that were absolutely obsessed with Christmas, getting excited well before Halloween and Thanksgiving, and getting excited all over again after the two occasions were over.

Or: Three Traditions Steve and Tony already had at Christmas and the One New Tradition they make.

Architecture (ao3) - sineala G, 1k

Summary: Tony decorates Avengers Tower for the new team’s first Christmas, and Steve’s standing in a very fortuitous place.

Bears and Mountains and Lumberjacks Oh My! (ao3) - justanotherrollingstony (adoctoraday) E, 24k

Summary: It was supposed to be easy–go meet the reclusive artist and buy some art. And then came the broken down car.

And the snowstorm.

And the lumberjack with a face like a greek god.

So yea, Tony is stuck in a cabin in the woods with a hot lumberjack till the storm clears.

Could be worse.

Christmas Eve Will Find Me (ao3) - kahn T, 11k

Summary: Steve walked into his apartment to find Tony sitting on his kitchen counter, cross-legged, facing the door and flicking his thumbs against the screen of his futuristic phone in a way that meant he was either playing a game or hacking the security of some undoubtedly highly dangerous and deeply hostile organization.

“Hi, Honey!” Tony trilled without looking up. “Welcome back!”

Steve comes home.

Closed For the Holidays (ao3) - FestiveFerret E, 6k

Summary: Tony just wants to spend Christmas with his boyfriend.

Ghosts of Christmas Memory (ao3) - scifigrl47 clint/phil, steve/tony T, 11k

Summary: There were three Christmases that Phil Coulson and Clint Barton spent together that altered their relationship. They were tied together by a song, a job, and Clint’s ability to become injured in just about any situation.

Christmas is a time of giving, friendship and love.

I Never Knew The Meaning of Christmas (ao3) - JehBeeEh G, 5k

Summary: A look at Steve and Tony’s first Christmas together.

Luck of the Draw (ao3) - xxDustNight88 steve/tony, bucky/natasha, wanda/vision T, 2k

Summary: When Tony encourages the Avengers to participate in a Secret Santa gift exchange, he discovers that the luck of the draw plays a larger part in the festivities than originally planned.

Memories that last forever (ao3) - ArabellaAM G, 2k

Summary: Tony sighed, turning around all the way and asking with a tired, raspy voice, “Why am I hugging a pillow on Christmas Eve, Rogers?”

Or, Steve can’t sleep and Tony asks him to tell him a story about his mom.

More Than Gravity (ao3) - JenTheSweetie T, 20k

Summary: “Aw, time travel, no.”

On Christmas Eve, Tony came unstuck in time.

Quite the One-Eighty (ao3) - betheflame steve/tony, bucky/natasha G, 2k

Summary: Steve has a bad day, Tony is a nervous wreck, Nat is intent on making popcorn garland, and it all works out in the end.

Saved My Heart For You (ao3) - pensversusswords T, 8k

Summary: Tony had been trying to propose for months, but it turned out that post-battle on Christmas Eve was the best time to pop the question.

Secret Santa (ao3) - within_a_rustic_cafe E, 6k

Summary: It’s Christmastime and the Avengers decide to participate in Secret Santa! When Steve gets Tony for his Secret Santa, the super solider knows just the perfect thing to get his genius boyfriend.

The Christmas Market (ao3) - reona32 steve/tony, jane/thor, bruce/betty G, 9k

Summary: Steve and Tony visit the Christmas Market in Bryant Park.

Unwrapped (ao3) - nightwalker E, 4k

Summary: Tony and Steve each have a surprise for the other. Turns out they were thinking along similar lines.

What Tony Got For Christmas (ao3) - TheRedGlass T, 1k

Summary: In which Steve is a little shit and Tony gets the best Christmas surprise.

[kateac12]

Jerome and Jeremiah having a daughter would include...

Jerome

He's over the moon to learn that he's having a girl, and he'll do anything to protect his "little princess"

Will spend hours just looking at his baby girl sleep in her crib

Always takes her to the park and out for ice cream

"Is that boy in your class still picking on you? Don't worry princess, I'll take take care of them" *winks*

Almost never yells (except when his criminal professional life is really stressing him out)

Will apologize over and over for losing his cool. Makes it up by making her favorite meal, or taking her out to do something fun like ice skating, mini-golf, paint-balling

Goes all out for holidays. Birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, you name it. Jerome didn't have those things growing up, and he'll be damned if he doesn't make his child feel special

Will happily help with projects (especially arts and crafts). His daughter will likely get first place in the science fair for making something blow up

The type of dad that will definitely excited to take pictures of his daughter going to prom (and of course, she'll be going with friends, because Jerome will kill threaten any boy that tries to get close to his baby). He knows how boys are, and he refuses to let his daughter get her heart broken by a dumb teenager

"Aww you look so beautiful in that dress I stole got for you." "Dad, stop, you're embarrassing me!"

"Dad, I'm 17. When are you going to let me have a boyfriend?" "I already told you that you can't date until you're 25!"

Jeremiah (pre-spray)

Acts like he doesn't care much about the baby

High key terrified that his little girl will be like his brother or mom

Over time, he warms up to his child, but he's still a very distant father

"Daddy, do you want to do a puzzle with me?" "My dear, I'm a bit busy with work. Ecco, can you play with her?"

Homeschools the kid in his bunker, because he's too paranoid to let them out

Jeremiah will absolutely insist on his daughter going to university, because education is very important to him

Will help with homework

It's only when something drastic happens (such as his daughter getting injured at school or kidnapped for ransom) that he starts caring more for his baby

"Sweetheart, I know I wasn't the best father when you were growing up. I really do love you. I'm sorry"

He tries to make an effort to spend more time with his daughter, like watching a movie with her or taking her out to eat

Isn't super strict with dating, but he will insist that the boy his daughter is interested in meets up with him first

Jeremiah (post-spray)

It would be a stretch to say that he loves his child. It's more like, in his own very twisted way, he cares about his daughter, but only if she's useful

Is a more hands on father than (pre-spray) Jeremiah. But it's not a good thing because he is just trying to gauge how skilled and intelligent his daughter is

He will absolutely want to know what his daughter's skills are. Is she good at math and science like him? Is she a poet? Is she drawn more to the arts?

Any skill that she has will be utilized for his personal gain

If she doesn't have any talents? She better stay out of his way and not cause any problems

He doesn't care as much about getting an education. After all, why use those brains for college when you can use your intelligence for helping him do crime?

Will make his daughter pull all nighters (because he needs help figuring out how to destroy buildings around Gotham)

"Dad, can I go to sleep now? It's 4 AM." "You can sleep when I successfully take over Gotham."

If a boy likes her, he'll kidnap meet the boy. "You have two choices. Either follow me as your leader, or you die."

If the boy agrees to follow Jeremiah, he will dig up some dirt on the boy's family, or embezzle them for money

"Dad! Please don't hurt him! I love him!" "Sweetheart, anyone who's around my family needs to declare their undying loyalty to me"

[prosciuttulipa]

RAAAAAAH i want a match ngl LMAO

Jjk match because Im a fucking simp, and a guy bcs I am in fact a straight woman thanks

I'm a big nerd. Like, a very big nerd. I do math for fun and I am not ashamed at all when I interrupt someone to correct them (I have autism and ADHD, how could you tell?)

I'm relatively closed off, and most of the time, insecure. I'm shy and I barely ever make the first move (unless I've had a couple of drinks or a lot of eyeliner). I think what people most define me as is the "old soul, young body). I'm like the mom of the group, though I am absolutely reckless when there's another mom in the group, since it takes the responsibility away from me.

I hate going out, and it's really hard to get me to go to the beach, for example. I think my best quality personality-wise is that I'm down to earth and realistic about my goals. A problem is probably how much self-doubt I have, since people constantly tell me I am capable of achieving more than I think I can. I don't settle for seconds, but I'm not too excited when I rech first, because there's always a new competition.

Oh yeah, I'm competitive. Very.

I'm a pessimist, though I like to say it's realism, because why be positive, hype myself up, only for it to go wrong and the disappointment hurt me? As I said, emotionally closed off.

My personality is the infamous black cat, and I think (though I'm not sure), that a golden retriever boy is what would fit me best. (even though I simp for other black cat guys)

For hobbies, I'm boring, though I do have many. I play the guitar, do martial arts (krav maga), draw, sing, write absolutely filthy smut, and, most important of all: do math and study. Yeah, my main hobby is studying.

I'm not sure how I show my love? I don't, usually. I can love someone unconditionally and be absolutely lovesick, but only after a very heavy emotional session, may it be a fight or drinks, will I tell soemone how much they mean to me. I spent the last four years with my best friend, and only after a day's worth of drinking and crying did I tell her how much she meant to me.

I'm a bit icky with physical touch, but if I trust them, I'll let them cling to me. Initially push people away and only after knowing them do I let them hug me, kiss me, cuddle me. I am awful when dealing with compliments, and I cannot take a gift. So probably quality time is my love-receiving language when generally speaking. A boyfriend/husband would probably work with physical touch and words of affirmation, though.

I dont think there's any big turn-off or turn-on in relationships? Maybe not giving me enough attention and helping me emotionally, because I'm easily falling into insecurity, feeling like I'm not enough.

I have like medium curly dark hair and dark eyes. Eyebags, and a lot of moles all over my face. My body is relatively fit? I have a bit of fat ngl but I also have muscles. A bit of a tummy and thicc thighs (they do, in fact, save lives) that double the size when I sit (insecurity alert!) I'm pale, though I am a mixed baby. I dress in all-black most of the time, and all the color variations are like red or dark blue. (I AM NOT EMO). I wear eyeliner from the moment I wake to the moment I sleep and I have pierced ears. I also plan on getting nip piercings and plan on getting

I think i need more songs to listen to, so I'm going with the three songs he associates wit me.

Congratulations! You have been matched with...

Choso Kamo

When people see you and Choso together, they immediately assume that you're just another average emo couple, quick to place stereotypes. But under the heavy eyeliner and dark clothes, are two people who are just trying to figure out life in their own way.

Choso is fascinated by your contradictions: insecure yet quick to correct others, pessimistic but burning with a competitive drive for more. Where some people may see indecision, he sees something much more real and human in comparison to the single-minded characters he's met during his time alive. Living is hard, has experienced it for himself, so he doesn't shun you for your contrasting perspectives. Instead, he wants to learn about the world alongside you, unpicking the way you think, wondering about your insecurities. Although he's been through a lot, there's something inherently innocent and simplistic in the way Choso sees the world. If you're an old soul in a young body, then he's a young soul in an old one. Perhaps by meeting somewhere in the middle, the two of you will get closer to unravelling the mystery that is life.

Choso doesn't mind that you don't like going out, but you often find yourself tagging along as he explores the world in small ways. A trip to the convenience store may as well be a museum visit, with the way he asks you about the products, eyeing them with confusion. He also admires the fact that you study math—to dedicate yourself to understanding anything in such depth is no small feat—and he's happy to sit next to you while you work, occasionally asking questions about your interest in the subject. His most common form of affection is just leaning his head against your shoulder, watching silently as you work.

Dates with Choso are pretty laid back, since he's happy to take the lead on whatever makes you comfortable. It doesn't matter to him where you two are. For him, understanding your mind (and falling in love with the way you think, the way you are) is what matters to him the most.

The Matchmaker's Gift:

Contrary to popular belief, Choso's music taste is rather soft. This song reminds him of the inherent dependence that comes with being connected.

Offering you this song with a curious tilt of his head, Choso asks you if this is how your pessimism feels like.

This is the song Choso uses to confess to you. His feelings are one of the few things he has to his name, and he wants to share them with you.

[cuntecoyote]

I just realized it's officially been ten years since I properly left the mormon church. I don't remember the specific date because it was kind of a "I haven't believed any of this for a while why am I still going" but it did happen in 2013.

Escape-the-cult story time?

So, as I can with a few great things in my life, I can trace it back to a silly little comic series I started sort of by accident. It was about Left 4 Dead, specifically about me just barely escaping death by befriending the infected in cartoonish ways. It kind of really blew up unexpectedly. Suddenly I had an audience. I started doing livestreams and made close friends with many of the viewers.

Were those viewers also mormon? You can bet your ass they weren't. There was a good mix of queerness and transness in there. But everyone was still respectful of my mormon boundaries (kept swearing and really dirty talk to a minimum) so I found it really easy to be respectful back. Suddenly I was friends with a lot of people that the church told me would infect me with their wickedness if I tolerated them for too long. But you know what? Spending time with people different than you, seeing that they're just another human, seeing that they can become valuable people in your life even with the traits you're told to fear, it's very hard to keep thinking of them as wicked. At that point, you have to actively choose to sever these relationships that are making you happy and hammer that prejudice back into your head. And a lot of people do that! But I felt SO happy and SO loved, I just couldn't do it.

And all along in the background, my sister lived in Germany at the time and had a lot of time away from the church. This gave her space to read up on the ACTUAL history of the church and Joe Smith... and she was discussing her findings with me. I didn't really want to believe them, but it got harder and harder to explain things away.

Feeling relaxed around my non-member friends, I start joking like "Isn't it weird that I'm straight but I still get crushes on female characters?" And no one really rushes me to admit I'm queer, but they get really excited when I draw "joke art" of myself with those characters. And after a while, the joke wears off. I admit that these images of me with a woman give me happy fluttery feelings. But then my boyfriend at the time and my judgmental church friend and my other sister sees this, and they Don't Like It. But somehow, I don't end up feeling bad about myself - I feel disappointed that these people would judge me for loving this side of myself. I apologized/asked them not to tell anyone but inside went "You know what, I'm gonna start dating her even harder."

Started having/drawing lots more queer ships. Was pretty open about my fictional gay crushes. Flirted with my non-member female friends as much as I did my mormon friends, but they could actually flirt back which got me all flustered. And I loved it. I was worried about being queer in the church, but I wasn't worried about my soul. Letting myself be queer brought so much joy and love into my life, it couldn't have been evil.

Besides, it wasn't like I was gonna go out and have a queer relationship. It was all theoretical, right? Which is fine in the church. Hahaha.

Through a friend I made in my streams, I met someone who lived across the street from me. I knew of them, we were in the same graphics class in high school, and we were facebook friends. And I would look at photos of them and think "Man, that's the most beautiful person I've ever seen." But like. Totally not in a gay way, right? I won't be completely smitten with them when we start hanging out, right? Hahaha?

Nope. Instantly head over heels.

I came out as pansexual to everyone I knew. My mom thought it meant I was attracted to inanimate objects. My boyfriend (who looked at porn constantly and dismissed my insecurities about it) got upset because if I figured this out I must have felt attraction to another person, real or fictional (he got upset when he saw a totally sfw drawing of a pretty Homestuck troll in my tumblr likes). My dad said "I guess temple marriage isn't a priority for you anymore", and when I said "I never thought you would say that to me" he said "Neither did I, but here we are." Again, people taking issue with a thing I knew to be wonderful.

My parents sort of came around, at least to the point that they would not give me direct grief for being in a queer relationship. I broke up with my boyfriend (actually because I accepted that he was never going to join the church and we weren't even really friends, so what was the point). I was briefly in a relationship with a transmasc friend because I didn't feel like I could say no, but it's worth mentioning because since they were also Christian, I thought I could be with them and stay in the church, but when I realized that the church would never accept them into the priesthood because they're trans, it was a huge blow to my faith. Yet another "What am I even doing this for if I don't believe in it?"

We broke up because I was still in love with the person across the street. But here's where the shelf broke, so to speak, on my faith. I knew this person liked me too, but I was afraid to be with them, not only because it would be a queer relationship, but because they were a non-member and didn't uphold church standards, which I'd kind of just broken up with my boyfriend for. Remember that judgmental mormon friend I mentioned? I remember venting to her about this over Facebook IM, crying because I wanted to be with this person so badly, but how could it possibly work out? And she said, "It can't. :("

Oh. Ohhh. How fucking dare you.

It can't? Why? Because the church said so, and obviously nothing in life, not even my own happiness, is as important as obeying the church? I swore a blood oath to sacrifice all my happiness to the church or else I would burst into flames? This girl was big on the mormons-policing-mormons thing. Here I am in pain over wanting someone I felt I couldn't have, and she feels that the most important thing to do is make sure I don't entertain further temptation to disobey the church. That's the issue here - your friend is having gay feelings and they need to remember that's not okay.

Ha ha ha ha ha! Fuck you!

My sister and I decided to tell our mom together that we would not go to church anymore. My sister posted about it on Facebook, and our piece of shit brother (12 yrs my senior, would have been 31 at the time) said "Congratulations, I'm sure your parents are really proud of you." Because he's incapable of saying anything not horrendous.

I started dating the person across the street. And the relationship that "couldn't" happen has been going on for ten years now. Still completely head over heels.

Sssssuck on that!!

In short, yes, having lots of non-member friends can and will lead you away from the church, but not with their wickedness. They will show you how wrong you were for thinking that they were wicked, and by extension, how wrong the church is. And if you pull one thread, the whole thing comes apart.

[closedshop]

we don't talk much but i really love it when i see u on my dash ^_^ the way u speak is so light and whimsical and airy idk its so pleasant to read and i think smtimes i wanna embody that too. i'm not super into enstars anymore but i like reading your analyses and stuff theyre super interesting!!!

Ah, thank you〜! We probably don’t talk much because of my shyness as much as it is a dual effort but to exist under the same sky is so nice. Funnily enough, I have had so, so, so many people comment on the way I speak and the weird stuff I say (my boyfriend & Noelle have said I just “say things” sometimes & the church seems to think my thought processes in general are unreasonable LOL but I think it’s in a cute way at least. I hope?) on various separate occasions and the way it’s worded always fascinates me since it’s always a little bit different. I don’t mind & kind of even like it, I’m used to being observed and commented on.

I once made a tweet about it stating “My friends & lover tend to be witnesses to my, quote, shakespearean demeanour｡｡｡my form of speech has been commented on by others, referred to as "whimsical", even. My boyfriend frequently likes to point out how weird I am too, lovingly I presume.” I have screenshots of a few instances saved though there have been very many. Why? It simply amuses me! Being perceived appears to have it’s perks.

But, enough of that! I am so touched you’d say that I’m pleasant to read｡｡｡I’m someone who thinks a little too deeply about everything in the world, not just the things he likes, but I am prone to being pretentious in that regard (and very much proud, I shall say! Despite my occasional, negative form of self consciousness at the fact.) I’ve been forcing my mutuals to learn about the things I like this way for years like second-hand smoke and since ansta is my big interest now that I’m older even more so hahaha ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´ω`ﾟ)ﾟ｡ I think I’ve never shut up in the past four years about anything, though, especially as I learn to become less unashamed about the things I love. It’s okay if you don’t ansuta as hard as I do anymore, after all, our feelings for things can be so fleeting, I’m happy to have your company as is.

I don’t like to call them analysis directly, typically, because I don’t like to seem too full of myself or try-hard or fake-deep, but when other people do so it makes me happy in a way, to know my observations are appreciated and seen as interesting and even novel at times (I get so excited or otherwise feel a lot when others point out things I haven’t noticed, so to think I can make others feel the same—!), or at least just nice to read about in the way I put them. I’ve had cases where I have a belief but someone is able to put it into words so well and even add to it and it’s like… wow… kyah. But anyway, it used to be an insecurity, as someone who fears coming off like this:

Speaking of, I’ve kept them mostly to twitter nowadays whether in small or big doses (partly due to my compulsions that kept me away from blogging for a bit, that was a really sad time 🥲) since the exposure of my mind to the masses has become addictive to me, but I’m so happy you’re here and still enjoy them. I’ve even had crazy long letter exchanges in the form of long screenshots of thoughts back and forth with likeminded people and it’s like, omg. It’s probably not healthy to be that hooked so I’ve been trying to reel myself back into the tumblr sphere where it is more for my own sake than anything, but it’s so fun to engage in discussions about anything ever, really!

My friends tell me things like saying I’m well spoken and other nice things I have forgotten yet definitely internalized and it brings a kind of euphoria I can’t explain because it’s something I can’t Help I love that everything in the world means so much to me and I love art and everything in the universe basically except for the things I hate and that hurt me badly and sometimes the things I truly love wound me and that’s fine too. I try my best to convey my feelings because honestly, I don’t necessarily even think in words. It’s more vague abstract feelings and concepts that I have to try to string together 🥹 so to do so successfully makes me happy. SORRY FOR RAMBLING ON SO MUCH ABOUT, well, myself! I don’t mean to be self-absorbed, but aren’t we all living inside our heads? That’s where our brain is.

I think the most important part is to be yourself unapologetically｡｡｡being light and whimsical to mee is fun and comes naturally ♪ sometimes I wish I was just like the sun, and hope I won’t burn anyone. I don’t play these things up or anything. It’s an earnest portrayal, despite the more grotesque aspects I keep hidden. Anyone can embody what they would like to and become their best/most preferred self, if they try, I’m sure! Though it is hard to be so malleable. I want to be truer to myself and better every day｡｡｡there’s also the aspect of, as my best friend Kris said, a few minutes ago, the way the self wills itself to be. I’ve worked hard to shape myself and be comfortable with it, and I’m happy to be loved for it. Thank you to anyone who read.

[hopefulsapphic]

miscellaneous tag game

tagged by @searchingfortheuniverse! tysm i love these things <3

A band you don’t like that many others do: uhh i'm really not a hater and i genuinely do not have that strong of opinions about music and bands, so i really can't think of any right now

A childhood memory that you remember vividly: god i have so many vivid childhood memories it's hard to pick just one. my most vivid memories are probably the ones i have of playing with my twin when we were pretty little. they all tend to blend together, but i can still picture so clearly the castles we built out of soft blocks and the little lego people and toy cars we moved around them like dolls and the stories and scenarios we made up and acted out and the dragon costume in his closet he always tried to scare me with

Least favorite animal and why: insects probably, but only the really annoying little flying ones that buzz so relentlessly and never take the hint when you shoo them off. also whatever wretched little bug bit me in my sleep the other night

Hot fandom take: idk if this means like for a specific fandom or just fandom in general, but either way i don't really think i have any? then again i didn't think that that "steve harrington wasn't a bad person/boyfriend he was literally just 17" post i made a little while ago was a hot take either but apparently it was a little more reactive than i expected

Do you wear any jewelry, if so, what’s your favorite piece: i'm literally always wearing jewelry; i've got two hands full of rings that i basically never take off like ever, and it's rare to see me without earrings in and necklaces on. my favorite piece at the moment is probably my little silver bat necklace i got at an antique mall about a year ago

A movie others liked but you didn’t: guys i'm really not a hater. also i tend not to watch movies i just don't have the attention span tbh

Three things you love about yourself: my creativity, my perseverance, my sense of self-expression

A place you hope to visit in the future and why: everywhere, there's so much of the world i haven't seen. more realistically though, i hope to visit my twin in washington sometime this year, probably in the summer

An actor that gets on your nerves and why: again i'm. really not a hater. i tend to be utterly indifferent to like 95% of all celebrities, i just can't care about them enough for them to even be able get on my nerves

Things you’re excited for in the nearby future? there are a few alternative music club nights (emo, goth, metal) coming up over this next month and i'm very excited to dress up and go to those with friends!

Least favorite ship in a fandom you’re in: okay now i'm a hater. it's harringrove 😬

What’s the most toxic fandom you’ve been in? all fandoms are toxic if you venture far enough or have the misfortune of landing in the wrong corners of the internet, but i think my worst experiences have been in areas of the percy jackson fandom (in the mid 2010s especially; ik it's probably kicking up again now with a new wave of toxic fans but i am living in blissful ignorance of that discourse) and, in more recent years, the stranger things fandom (i've had to narrow my involvement down to basically only one specific ship fandom within it and even then only seek it out on tumblr; tiktok is rancid)

List three things you find beautiful about life: human connection, the art of words and stories, the joy of flowers in the spring after a particularly desolate winter

Any dreams for the future? just the typical stuff really: graduate university (i have one semester left that's insane), move out (for realsies, not just for school), and find myself a solid job and make myself a solid home and be able to be self-sufficient and successful and happy in this world. ideally i also dream of actually finishing and publishing a novel one day

How are you really feeling today? i have not had even three consecutive hours of sleep a night for the past week and it's making me feel just a little bit insane, and i'm a bit anxious about school and about meeting up with a newish friend tomorrow, but overall i actually feel pretty good. i finally feel like i've got real proper friends here in this city and i've been seeing them a lot lately, so that's been buoying an overarching sense of positivity despite my sleep deprivation and anxiety

tagging @turquoiseorchid and @rainbowteri if you feel like it! and if anyone else wants to do this too, consider yourselves tagged also; live your dreams, overshare on the internet 🫶🏻

[flatwworm]

I just worked on an absolutely hellish two week film set, we're actually not done filming yet, but the back to back 11-13 hour days are done

Let's just say mentally and physically it destroyed me

My roommate used to also do film but they quit like a year ago

This production has had the worst organization known to man and I only started a week before filming, so even before I got to set I was stressed out of my mind

My roommate started off concerned for me but that very quickly turned to them being upset at me, which frankly pissed me off

They were pushing their own beliefs and decisions onto me, they'd decided they don't like working in film so clearly I must make the same decision as them

It felt like they were mad at me for not following the rules they'd set for themselves

I was also beating myself up over this whole thing and they were reinforcing every bad thought I had

I was deeply deeply struggling and very much not doing well and not only was I not receiving any support from someone that was supposed to be my friend I was actively receiving hostility

During the whole filming I could tell they were upset with me, but I didn't really care, it felt like they wanted me to drop everything, console them, grovel at their feet and bag for their forgiveness

Which I later found out was entirely true

The other night we went on a walk and talked about it and it turned out everything that I thought was true

They said things like "I feel like you've really damaged our friendship"

"I haven't been doing well these past few weeks, and I need you to be there for me"

Which really upset and pissed me off! Like you had a regular week! You went to work and stayed at home with your boyfriend! (Who also lives with us)

Why am I responsible for your well being??!? If you needed someone why isn't your boyfriend good enough?!

Not only that but when I said yeah I also really REALLY haven't been doing well they said "oh I hadn't noticed"

BITCH! FUCK OFF!

I've been working high stress 13 hour day, overnight shoots, I've been having meltdowns, consulting people having panic attacks, when I come home I've been beyond drained!

You've seen me sitting at the table at 1am eating my microwave dinner trying not to cry, you've heard me doing nothing but complaining (which they got mad at me for) I've told you over and over again how I'm not doing well

But you "didn't notice" I guess you were too distracted with yourself and being mad at me for suffering

Fuck off, I'm not the sole person incharge of your well-being 24/7 and especially not if your gonna treat me like this

I spend most of my effort managing their emotions, and god forbid I have my own emotions or I wanna hangout with people that aren't them

On our walk they also brought up the stupidest no issues reason they were upset with me like "I don't like when you comment on my dandruff" or " you don't get excited enough about my art or my food" which I don't even eat there cooking!!! And I get waaaaayyy more excited than their stupid boyfriend they also had another stupid complaint about art that was basically "I feel like you're better than me and I don't like that" tf am I supposed to do about that?!

Anyways in conclusion I responded very sympathetically in the moment but now I'm looking back and I'm really upset

[writtenbytsuki]

“life-long” friendships

I’ve moved schools 3 times in the span of 5 years.

Ever since I was a kid, I was told that I’d make life-long friends in high school, in college and maybe even before that. I always had my hopes up, being as me as I could be cause they’ll “love me for who I am,” right?

Soon I was in high school and as far as I knew, these people I’ve known since the first grade were the oh so coveted life-long friends I’d always dreamt of. I mean we made it through grade school, so why not? But that was short lived, I ended up being the girl people only hung out with out of pity, or boredom, or even just to feel better about themselves.

I was never invited to birthday parties, unless it was in school of course. I never got invited out. I never really felt part of anything. Then it came. The worst part of the high school experience, the bullying, the rumors.

Now in 8th grade, what I had always feared finally came true. People hated the real me. I was too weird for the Christian school I had grown to love and soon, I was alone again. After the rumors, many of which had people calling me a slut or a man-stealer, I did the only thing I knew how to do. I ran. I moved schools.

I was excited again. I thought “this is where I’ll find my life long friends.” I mean I knew a few people already, one of which was a guy I’ve known and loved since the 5th grade, someone I knew would be in my life forever. Oh how naive I was.

My excitement didn’t last for long. Of course, the first year or two that I was there, I felt loved, I had my first real boyfriend and he was someone I’d liked forever. But soon, it all had to come crashing down. Right? My life seemed too perfect. I had the perfect lover, perfect friend group, perfect personality.

Then it came. The only thing I knew would be permanent in my life, my downfall. My ex accused me of cheating, I got called a slut, a whore, a f*g, and every other name I could be called, I got hit, I got isolated and worst of all, I lost my “life-long friends.”

Once again, I ended up alone. At this point, I couldn’t take it, I thought I was the problem. Maybe my personality isn’t what they wanted. Maybe I was a slut. So I fed into it. I became more promiscuous, I became what they all wanted me to be. I came in, talking about a different guy every week, showing my male classmates my nudes, folding up my skirt, wearing more makeup than anyone else dared to. But eventually I got tired of being alone, I was all I had. I knew life-long friendships were never in the cards for me and I’d be the only permanence I had. So I left again.

At this point, all the excitement that was there left me. I knew it would all be the same. Luckily, this time I chose an art school instead of a Christian one. Unluckily, all of my time there was online because of the pandemic and I wasn’t really able to make connections with my classmates, but hey at least I didn’t have to eat alone anymore.

In my 12th grade, places were starting to open up again. I made friends with some of my school-mates, we went partying every now and then, but it was only ever just that. A party friendship. Not one where we’d check up on each other, not one where we’d hang out on our free days, but one where we’d ask if they’re free only because we wanted to drink that night. At least I wasn’t so alone anymore, right?

Then college rolls around. I gave up making life-long friends. At this point, I gave up making friends in general. Sure I went out, hung out with people I knew, called them my friends, but I knew deep down that we were both using each other. They get a place to hang out, free w**d and a pretty girl to call their friend, and I get to feel not so lonely.

I knew we weren’t friends to be friends because they only texted back when I texted first. They only reached out if they needed a place to chill at. They only talked to me if they needed something. Then again, who am I to deny company?

Eventually, I felt like I did make friends. I felt like I had the chance to have life-long friends again. I had people I was hanging out with everyday, I had to make room in my weeks to fit all my friend groups in, but slowly I started to be alone again. They got too busy for me.

“I’m busy today, but we’ll hang out soon I promise.”

I always believed them until it became too frequent. I believed them until I saw them hanging out with people they didn’t even really like too much. I believed them until I gave up.

Life-long doesn’t seem to be so long for me anymore.

[liiakei]

realization about career and things

hi it's me again but this ain't a rant post but a grief post about my passion lmao

I'm currently facing another existential crisis, but a much heavier one than I had the last time.

This is about the career that I'm facing right now. I must say that I do have an art-related career as a freelancing artist. I really do love being an artist; it is an amazing way to express myself for who I am and, at the same time, to work through the use of digital art. Yes, I enjoyed it a lot. It made me learn a lot, but I think the passion disappeared without me noticing it. Nah, I'm kidding. Maybe it's because of the progression of AI technology. Consumers are slowly trying to grasp the importance of AI nowadays. They get to save time and money because of AI, and that results in slowly killing the jobs of others, including mine as an artist.

I usually had frequent customers on Fiverr last year, but right now it is just so hard to gain one unless I put on huge discounts to my rate. Aside from that, the reason why my passion for art is slowly fading away is because I always think about the future of AI. I started to think about lots of "what ifs.". 

What if AI became better at generating art? What if AI knew how to animate with just one click, just like on the Adobe Photoshop AI Generator? What if people liked AI more than actual artists' skills? What if my clients shift to AI and ignore me instead? And so many what-ifs about the future of this

With that way of thinking, I started to lose my passion for drawing. I could be wrong, or maybe I could be right about the "future". Who knows? 

Right now, I'm thinking of shifting my career path while it's still early. I'm thinking about studying in college again. But of course, I have no one to help me with the cost of studying again. However, this helps me build up my passion again, but on a different path. I know this sounds crazy, but somehow it makes me excited (for nothing, lol). I might be craving new knowledge, even though most people say that medical courses are too difficult.

I'm 26 and want to study again. The problem that I have right now is my financial status. I don't have someone to help me finance my studies, but I am capable of earning, of course. Although my earnings go to the bills in the house because we're not so rich and the expenses are non-stop eating us, I also have a boyfriend, but he told me not to rush over marriage and family because he's not ready to have children. LOL, though I haven't told him yet that I plan to study again.

My family is in a financial crisis. We have loans to pay, debts, and bills non-stop. My parents are both senior citizens, not earning anymore. My brother has taken over the business; he earns, but the profit just goes to our loans and debts. My sister has two daughters; both are studying and separated, and my other sister is married and has separated herself from our home. It's hard.

To summarize all of this, All I just want to say is that I'm not passionate about my job anymore and am scared that AI might kill my career someday. To take my passion back, maybe I should study in college again and follow my childhood dream of becoming a doctor.

I'm on the verge of deciding whether I should start studying again or stop being a delulu.

PS: by the way I want to study Vet Medicine because I love pets and I want to know MORE about them lolol