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realization about career and things

hi it's me again but this ain't a rant post but a grief post about my passion lmao

I'm currently facing another existential crisis, but a much heavier one than I had the last time.

This is about the career that I'm facing right now. I must say that I do have an art-related career as a freelancing artist. I really do love being an artist; it is an amazing way to express myself for who I am and, at the same time, to work through the use of digital art. Yes, I enjoyed it a lot. It made me learn a lot, but I think the passion disappeared without me noticing it. Nah, I'm kidding. Maybe it's because of the progression of AI technology. Consumers are slowly trying to grasp the importance of AI nowadays. They get to save time and money because of AI, and that results in slowly killing the jobs of others, including mine as an artist.

I usually had frequent customers on Fiverr last year, but right now it is just so hard to gain one unless I put on huge discounts to my rate. Aside from that, the reason why my passion for art is slowly fading away is because I always think about the future of AI. I started to think about lots of "what ifs.". 

What if AI became better at generating art? What if AI knew how to animate with just one click, just like on the Adobe Photoshop AI Generator? What if people liked AI more than actual artists' skills? What if my clients shift to AI and ignore me instead? And so many what-ifs about the future of this

With that way of thinking, I started to lose my passion for drawing. I could be wrong, or maybe I could be right about the "future". Who knows? 

Right now, I'm thinking of shifting my career path while it's still early. I'm thinking about studying in college again. But of course, I have no one to help me with the cost of studying again. However, this helps me build up my passion again, but on a different path. I know this sounds crazy, but somehow it makes me excited (for nothing, lol). I might be craving new knowledge, even though most people say that medical courses are too difficult.

I'm 26 and want to study again. The problem that I have right now is my financial status. I don't have someone to help me finance my studies, but I am capable of earning, of course. Although my earnings go to the bills in the house because we're not so rich and the expenses are non-stop eating us, I also have a boyfriend, but he told me not to rush over marriage and family because he's not ready to have children. LOL, though I haven't told him yet that I plan to study again.

My family is in a financial crisis. We have loans to pay, debts, and bills non-stop. My parents are both senior citizens, not earning anymore. My brother has taken over the business; he earns, but the profit just goes to our loans and debts. My sister has two daughters; both are studying and separated, and my other sister is married and has separated herself from our home. It's hard.

To summarize all of this, All I just want to say is that I'm not passionate about my job anymore and am scared that AI might kill my career someday. To take my passion back, maybe I should study in college again and follow my childhood dream of becoming a doctor.

I'm on the verge of deciding whether I should start studying again or stop being a delulu.

PS: by the way I want to study Vet Medicine because I love pets and I want to know MORE about them lolol

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I received my free Tapi of Eaternal Nocturnal giveaway! Thank you @instantmiso @/makeship I hug this little fella in my sleep 💖

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ALT

― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

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reblogging because FFVII Reunion is out ;u;

caption this

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i’ll be waiting for your banner daddeh

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A meme about my current situation because this is how I cope

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you are not lazy. you have not fallen behind.

you are doing the best you can under difficult circumstances.

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Episode 37 is up so have a look see! READ the episode now! >>

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maybe it’s about time to explore new genres

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caption this

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Here’s a quick sketch of Himawari but a lil’ older~

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