#WHERE THE FUCK AM I RN. WHY ARE WE RATING MY ART ON A 10 POINT SCALE. UNSOLICITED

[blueskittlesart]

hey so this is an insane thing to write unsolicited under someone's personal art piece

[tinycaprisun]

✨twenty questions✨

i was tagged by @freshlysqueezedmox !!! thanks summer i always get good and in my feelings when someone’s tags me in things 🧡

—

1. what do you prefer to be called name-wise?

uh, liz is cool but really u can call me anything, like i’ll respond to bastard if u yell it loud enough

2. when is your birthday?

february 29th & yes i am not joking i was born on leap year and my day of birth only exists once every 4 years

3. where do you live?

in super mega ultra hell. is that meme already dead bc idk i like the verbiage of it lmao- no but for real i live in missouri, and there isn’t much to do other than stare at a giant hunk of curved metal and eat barbecue that the locals tell u is the best thing since sliced bread & maybe it is i just don’t like it myself ahaha

4. three (3) things you are doing right now?

aside from answering this? well listening to 9 to 5 by dolly parton bc yeehaw, petting my cat who’s curled up on my foot, and slowly waiting for the day to end

5. four (4) fandoms that have peaked your interest?

oh god there r too many to count but as of rn? probs wrestling, buzzfeed unsolved, rupaul’s drag race & just drag in general, and achievement hunter

6. how has the pandemic been treating you?

um... if you would like the honest answer, not great... i lost my job in august so i haven’t been employed for a few months now. my dad hasn’t been making the money he used to so i’ve started helping paying the bills w/ the funds i had saved for going back to college from when i did have that job. sort of become a recluse again, where i almost never leave the house outside of small trips to the store or the literal once in a blue moon going and social distantly see a friend. it’s basically the life i lived in early 2019 while i’m very lonely all the time while trying to solve the problems of my family as the same time? whatever who cares i’m moving on

7. a song you can’t stop listening to right now?

oddly enough, ‘positions’ by ariana grande! i don’t listen to her all that often but for some reason this song really stuck to me! i especially like the versions of it where it’s slowed down and had reverb!

8. recommend a movie?

this might be out of left field, but ‘motocrossed’! it’s one of those disney channel original movies that i grew up with and it’s still pretty good to this day! the movie’s about (and this is in the words of the legendary nakeyjakey) girls pretending to be boys so they can ride dirt bikes

9. how old are you?

20!

10. school, university, occupation, other? 

as i said before i am now unemployed. and before that i did try to go to university once but failed out of all my classes due to never going to them because i couldn’t force myself to get out of bed. i want to go back to school so fucking bad for secondary education physics as a practical career. but recently i’ve been teasing the idea of becoming a ring announcer because my voice was build to shout really loud, but who knows, u know?

11. do you prefer heat or cold?

cold 100% bc i cannot function in environments above 75° (fahrenheit). like it can be -7° outside and i’ll be pleased as punch but as soon as it gets up there in temp? i melt like a popsicle

12. name one fact others may not know about you.

i used to be a gymnast! did all the flipping and the balance beam stuff & maybe thinking abt doing it again. idk i just want to do a backflip and have cool muscles

13. are you shy?

it kinda depends? i can be the most loud and unabashed son of a bitch if i want to, but sometimes i do get into my own head and go silent and nervous.

14. preferred pronouns

she/her and they/them! and they r not “preferred”, they r my pronouns! :D

15. biggest pet peeve?

okay this isn’t as profound or interesting as summer’s was, but people who scrape their forks against their teeth! it is one the worst sounds known to man and it hurts my already messed up ears

16. what is your favorite “dere” type? 

tsundere? i think? sure, i’ll go with that

17. rate your life from 1-10, 1 being crappy, 10 being the best it could be. 

5, and this calvin and hobbes comic explains why

18. what is your main blog?

this. she’s been through a lot and i feel sorry for her honestly

19. list your side blogs and what they’re used for. 

i used to have separate blogs a LONG time ago for art and writing, but as it turns out i’m shit at both so they got deleted and this is all i have now

20. is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends? 

if we aren’t counting the fact that i’m an asshole, i would say that i have the worst tendency to delete messages i send after a while. basically my brain goes into panic mode if someone isn’t responding back thinking “ur annoying them, they don’t want to talk to u. u should delete what u sent because u should have never of said anything in the first place! only speak when spoken to!” u know, the usual.

—

certified and honorary cowboys i’m tagging: @orangechuckiet @darbs @yellow----daisy @trent-heel-beretta and anyone else who would like to participate i realize this is over a day old, soz for bothering y’all

[hana-bean]

Ayumi Hamasaki Picks:  A Song for ×× era (1998-1999)

I’ll admit, I avoided A Song for ×× like COVID for way, way too long. Her vocals were hard to adapt to if you had only heard her I am... material and beyond. I personally found her voice high and squeaky; seemingly years and miles away from the Ayu I was introduced to at 14 years of age in 2002. There were a few tracks in their remix form I was able to stomach but otherwise, this album was an Ayumi I didn’t care to know. In fact, you’ll notice on most of these tracks I note that I prefer remixes over originals.

Within the last couple of years, I listened to this album in its entirety and ultimately fell in love. I realized now how important this debut is in considering and appreciating where Ayu started. Yes her sound is relatively high-pitched and un-Western, but it’s endearing AF. This album is able to span both sides of various spectrums: fun and sad, innocent and experienced, light-hearted and heartfelt. It exudes such a compelling, youthful perspective of love and heartbreak that I can’t help but empathize with it. Honestly, I don’t think I would feel the same emotions if this album was recorded with a more mature, older voice.

---

Rating system:

☆☆☆☆ Love - play this at my funeral ☆☆☆ Like - skippable, but still good ☆☆ Meh - this does nothing for me ☆ Hate - I’ve only listened to this once just to confirm I hated it (⭒ you might see these little guys pop up from time to time, which represent a half star because I can’t make up my damned mind)

For a couple of tracks I give two different ratings because sometimes a remixed version is better than the original.

---

A Song for ×× album tracks

Track 1: “Prologue” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like It’s a prelude. Not the best or worst, but a good one.

Track 2: “A Song for ××” Rating: ☆☆☆☆ Love Are you really even an Ayu fan if you don’t like this song? Kidding! But seriously, I think it’s safe to say that this is a very, very important song to Ayumi; if the number of its live performances aren’t an indicator, the drama from even watching one is enough to move you. One of my favorite live performances ever is from her A Museum tour—the a cappella beginning of the first verse and bridge lures you in and forces you to listen, for her only to then blow you away with the booming orchestral intensity of the chorus. GAH! Fuck me up, Ayu!

Her “030213 Session #2 Take” re-recording of it on the A BALLADS compilation album provides a more organic, and arguably more powerful listening experience. Though she is older, you still can hear the strength of her despair. Her loneliness and strong façade hasn’t left, but has only changed and grew up with her.

The “Ferry Corsten Chilled Mix” from her first ayu trance album is also a total vibe. Great remix.

Track 3: “Hana” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like I’d file this one under: “the remixes are better than the original.” I mean the original is still a good listen, but the “dub’s trance remix” and acoustic orchestra version give it more oomph and dimension respectively (both are found on the first ayu-mi-x compilation). The lyrics reflect a fear of the relative unknown, or rather, a fear of growing, only to wilt or get stepped on. And I love how her considerably sad and pensive lyrics are backed with lively arrangements; it’s one of the many things I love about her music.

Track 4: “FRIEND” Rating: ☆☆☆☆ Love This 👏🏼 song 👏🏼 is 👏🏼 underrated 👏🏼 OMG do I love this song, it’s so fucking wholesome. This track was the one which truly solidified my love for ASf××. Like if this had a music video, I can totally see it popping up on the Disney channel back in the late ‘90s with Ayu dancing at a beach carnival in a pair of Keds or something. Though this song is not devoid of sadness, there is a bit of hope to it, and it’s just simply, super pure. It’s definitely a personal fave. 

Track 5: “FRIEND II” Rating: ☆☆ Meh It’s forgettable... I’m having a hard time trying to remember how it goes. I’m sure if I heard it, I’d be like “Ohhhh yeah!” but my mind is only broken picture links rn.

Okay I’ve listened to it and for some reason I get “Song 4 u” vibes like the very beginning guitar riff sounds like the “S4u” chorus, and even the build to the “FII” chorus is similar, I almost expect “S4u” sung over this. At least she copied herself LOL I mean it’s not a terrible song, but the first FRIEND is the better FRIEND.

Track 6: “poker face” Rating: ☆☆ Meh Yes it’s her first single ev4r so like, it’s all important and shit. But I feel there are better tracks on this album which easily eclipse the song. Though it fits in well with the album as a whole. Perhaps as a single compared to only “FRIEND” it holds its own but honestly, just it being Ayu’s debut song is really the only reason why I even remember it.

Track 7: “Wishing” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like I believe this is the first (and only) slow ballad that pops up on the album, and also believe this was a good foundation laid for the rest of the slow ballads of her career. This song showcases the youth and yearn of her voice very well. Does anyone know if she has even performed this song live?

Track 8: “YOU” Rating: ☆☆ Meh (original); ☆☆☆☆ Love (”Aggressive Mix”) I’ll be real: this original track is boring. Though the “Aggressive Mix” on the first ayu-ro mix album slaps for years and I don’t even really care for Eurobeat. The “FINE MIX” on the ayu-mi-x album is also pretty groovy with that—albeit slow—reggae vibe. I’d argue any remix of this song gives it way more personality and likability. 

Confession time: back when cosplay shows at cons were just like a mishmash of skits planned the day of and walk-ons, I thought about actually doing some kind of one-woman interpretive dance to the “Aggressive Mix.” It never happened so you’re welcome. 

Track 9: “As if...” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like This is just a good bop. I love the fake-out beginning of the slow piano and then: !!!TATOEBA!!!

Also I really appreciate the bass during the verses, like it goes ~BUM BUM~ every four counts and it’s just something nice and subtle which contributes positively to the song.

Track 10: “POWDER SNOW” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like (original); ☆☆☆☆ Love (acoustic orchestra) Three words: acoustic orchestra version. Are y’all seeing the pattern here? But seriously, this song supported by the simplicity of a haunting piano completely changes the mood of this song for the better. I will agree that the original arrangement has a great buildup, but it doesn’t compare to the emotion of the acoustic version.

Also, do any of you fellow old people remember Kazaa? When I was Ayu-curious, I was looking for random songs to download and the acoustic orchestra version of “POWDER SNOW” was one of the first songs I ever downloaded (maybe that plays into my bias). 

Honestly, now that I think about it, it might have been Morpheus at the time...

Track 11: “Trust” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like Also one of the first songs I ever heard from Ayu, so I like it for nostalgic reasons. Otherwise I would have relegated this to the ‘meh’ pile. 

This is one of the first Japanese songs I ever learned to sing, so I gotta give credit to my 14-year-old self.

Track 12: “Depend on you” Rating: ☆⭒ M— (I don’t hate it, but don’t not hate it enough to warrant the full ‘Meh’) This song is overrated :D The only good thing to come from this single is “Two of us.” Next! 

Track 13: SIGNAL Rating: ☆☆⭒ Meh-eh? Well...? It’s a good track, I respect it. Not as memorable as the other songs but it fits well in the album. A good filler song.

Track 14: “from your letter” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like The very beginning with the snaps and twinkly sounds are pretty cool. The song is enjoyable and calls for some shoulder moving at least. There was a remix on AHS a long time ago by sleeperspaceborn which was pretty damned good, and in fact made me like this song. 

Track 15: “For My Dear...” Rating: ☆☆☆⭒ Like Like  Here for the drama and the high notes, shoot it straight into my bloodstream and do not resuscitate. The Acoustic Version is also a great remix, I love how she sounds like she’s screaming over the piano and guitar.

Track 16: “Present” Rating: ☆☆ Meh Like “FRIEND II” I can’t remember this song...

Ah there it is! *proceeds to forget again*

Non-album tracks:

“Two of us” Rating: ☆☆☆☆ Love I absolutely l-o-v-e this song right down to the cheesy, slow dance prom-y feel to it. Hell, even the “touch of mahogany mix” is one of the best remixes; I dare you not to at least bob your head when you hear it. This song can only be found on the Depend on You single and it’s a damn shame it didn’t make it to the ASf×× album. However maybe this can be considered her first slow ballad... but again, solid foundation. The lyrics are once again so pain-ridden and sorrowful, but then when you hear it against that funky rhythm on the “touch of mahogany mix,” you can’t help but submit to the dissonance of snapping along while in tears.

Also Xelakad provided an ah-mazing remix of this song on AHS a while back too. It seriously turns this song into a spiritual experience.

---

Average era rating: ☆☆☆ Like

If I could describe this album in two words, they would be: cohesive and precious. Yes her lyrics reflect hurt, rejection, and cynicism, but against the pop rock beats and her high voice, the album maintains an element of innocence. I believe it was a strong and consistent debut relative to her discography, as we are introduced to a young and weary Ayu who’s uncertain about the future, of love, of herself... *le sigh*

But let’s tie everything up in a nice pretty bow. For the list of Ayu’s creative bests, the common denominator is how much I really loved the drama and uniqueness of the tracks. Given that Ayu’s music style quickly evolved after this album, we conceivably don’t and won’t hear any songs like these ever again, and that’s why they’re just special.

The ‘Loves’ (only in order of track listing): A Song for ×× FRIEND POWDER SNOW (Acoustic Orchestra) YOU “Aggressive Mix” Two of us

Ayu’s creative bests: A Song for ×× POWDER SNOW (Acoustic Orchestra) For My Dear... Two of us

***

Credits: -Album art from Wikipedia -Concert screenshots from eneabba.net/ayu

Disclaimer: this post is solely my personal view and opinion. I am a Westerner with no fluency in Japanese, and so my viewpoint is shaped from English translations provided by ahsforum.com and all the feels from years of daily listening.

[enjwrites]

red

rating: T for swearing and mild emotional distress

word count: 2155

relationships: enjolras/grantaire

Enjolras tries to drive home. He gets about halfway there before tears well up in his eyes and he has to pull into a corner store’s parking lot. He shuts off his car and rests his head on the steering wheel as he tries to control his breathing.

He calls Combeferre.

“Enjolras? Wh- it’s three in the morning,” Combeferre says on the other line, voice raspy from sleep. “Are you okay?”

Enjolras takes in a deep breath before replying. “We fought.”

Courfeyrac chimes in, a little distant from the phone, it seems, but clear enough. “You two always fight.”

“I’m putting you on speaker,” Combeferre says.

“I know we always fight. We… I…” He takes in another breath, trying to focus on what he’s saying. “We didn’t really fight. I don’t think it was a real fight, anyway. He just…” And he chokes back a sob. His abdomen tightens and twists, though he doesn’t really notice; he can’t stop thinking of the uncertainty showing on Grantaire’s face - the hurt, the insecurity.

“I love him, guys.”

“We know.”

“He doesn’t.”

“Sure he does!” Courfeyrac’s voice lifts a few octaves. “Who else are you willing to get naked around?”

Combeferre shushes Courfeyrac. “Why do you think-”

“Because he... He said he loves me. And I fucking -” a choked sob, “I froze, god, I’m so fucking stupid.”

“So you froze, what’s the big deal -”

“He left, Courf. He got up and ran.” With a look of terror on his face.

“But you were at his apartment?”

“I have no fucking idea where he went, I checked the cafe and the bar, but he doesn’t wanna see me, I fucked it up, he thinks I’m -”

Combeferre shushes Enjolras, now. “Do you think you can come home? I’ll make some hot cocoa, and warm up that cake you liked so much.”

Not much of a phone conversation, Enjolras thinks, but agrees, and does his best to hold back tears as he drives back to the apartment he shares with Combeferre.

Combeferre is waiting with a blanket and a glass of cocoa, with a peppermint candy cane in it, and a place of warm cake on the coffee table.

“I froze,” Enjolras repeats. Combeferre lays a hand on his back comfortingly. Courfeyrac anxiously paces the living room.

“You froze. He ran.”

Enjolras hums. We’ve already been through this.

“He must have thought you were mad,” Combeferre says. His voice is soothingly even, that’s a talent of his - he can always manage to comfort Enjolras. “He jumps to conclusions, you know that. He must think you don’t feel the same -”

“God, I fucked it all up.”

“Try texting him?”

“I’d call him,” Courfeyrac interjects.

Combeferre nods. “Yeah, that, actually. What were you doing when he said it?”

“Cuddling, sort of? On the couch. We watched a movie.”

Enjolras, in all his anxiety, has already finished the cocoa and cake. Combeferre lets Enjolras rest his head on his shoulder. “I don’t think I could call him.”

Courfeyrac decidedly sits next to Enjolras on the couch, rubbing his shoulder sweetly - it’s been a while since Enj has needed this sort of comfort, but they fall into the rhythm quickly. “Enj, love, if I were you,” he sighs, “I’d give him his space. You know how stubborn he is.” Enjolras nods - once, Grantaire said, laughing, “I’m a Taurus, being stubborn is my job.” It was funny at the time. Enjolras can’t laugh, now. “You can text him. Let him know you’re not upset with him, tell him you were just shocked. He probably won’t read them, now, but he’ll read them later.”

Enjolras’s phone buzzes on the coffee table and Combeferre picks it up. “It’s from Bahorel,” He says, relieved, and shows Enjolras the screen.

Bahorel (3:47 AM): grantaire’s being an idiot rn

Another text comes in seconds later.

Bahorel (3:48 AM): listen dude i know he’s overreacting but… (Enjolras then opens his messages to see the full text.) you gotta let him know how you feel. i don’t know what happened but he’s freaking the fuck out

Bahorel (3:48 AM): he keeps saying you don’t love him and i know for damn sure that isn’t true

Bahorel (3:48 AM): just text him or something okay. he’s not mad i think he’s just sad

Bahorel (3:49 AM): luv you xx hope it works out

Enjolras huffs a little, wanting to smile at Bahorel’s instantly-nurturing nature.

You (3:50 AM): I’m going to give him some space, get some sleep. I’ll text him in the morning. Tell him that. I know he probably doesn’t want a text from me right now.

Bahorel (3:50 AM): he may not think he does but he does. he’s starting to pass out so yeah text him in the morning x

Enjolras falls asleep on his couch, and wakes up late. His eyes hurt; they’re swollen, from crying last night. He has a text from almost every one of his friends - he expected this, because Bahorel doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut, neither does Courfeyrac, so between the two of them, everyone had to find out.

Jehan (6:23 AM): I heard what happened. You should text him. I can help you with that.

Marius (7:31 AM): hey i hope ur feeling ok

Cosette (7:46 AM): Call me later we need to talk

Eponine (8:09 AM): i’ll fucking kill you if you don’t patch things up with him i swear to god

Feuilly (9:45 AM): I’m here if you need to talk buddy :(

Bossuet (10:32 AM): Hey r is here he says you hate him? Did you fight? :( Talk to him soon he looks like he’s been crying.

Joly (10:34 AM): Come get your mans we all have work

Musichetta (10:40 AM): I’m taking the boys to work, if R isn’t out of here by the time I get off tonight, you’re getting the death penalty. I love him, but you need to work shit out.

Musichetta (10:41 AM): I love you, too, jsyk. Stop being stupid. Talk to him.

Courf (11:04 AM): hehy i had to leave for work but i will interrogate you on my break you need to talk to r he loves you n  so do i you looked so sad. i hope ur feeling better. Gotta go in now love u xx

Combeferre (12:21 PM): You awake? I’m bringing burgers.

1-555-XXX-XXXX (12:42 PM): its gavroche i stole ur number off ponine i heard what happened im on the way to lunch rn so i cant talk but you better fucking talk to him

Gavroche (12:43 PM): u dont wanna get ur ass kicked by a teenager

Enjolras’s eyes water as he reads the next message.

R♥ (12:57 PM): hey sorry about last night. its cool if you wanna like . break up.  i thought we were there and i was wrong. im sorry.

He locks his phone and tosses it onto the couch next to him, resting his head in his hands, willing away tears. He feels a warmth and a depression in the couch on the other side; Combeferre comes bearing a cheeseburger and hand-cut fries. “From that gelato place on 6th you like so much. I got gelato, too, but you were still asleep when I got home.”

Enjolras takes the place graciously, and notices that there’s already a cool glass of water on the coffee table for him. Can you be alive and still be made a saint? Enjolras thinks, idly, as he chews. His phone buzzes, and on instinct, he looks down at it.

R♥ (1:17 PM): you there?

R♥ (1:18 PM): i know i fucked up but the silent treatment still kinda sucks

Enjolras sighs deeply and sets his plate on the table, picking up his phone.

You (1:18 PM): Yeah, I’m here. Sorry. I slept late. Give me a minute, to type up what I want to say, okay?

You (1:19 PM): And I’m not mad. You didn’t fuck up.

R♥ (1:20 PM): you can say that but it’s not gonna change my mind.

Another deep sigh, and at that point, Combeferre squeezes Enjolras’s shoulder gently, then stands and goes to his bedroom.

It takes a minute to type it all up. He’s sure his food is getting cold. He doesn’t care.

You (1:31 PM): I’m sorry. I’m so, so fucking sorry. I froze. I didn’t know what to do, because I’m an idiot, and I’ve never felt anything like this before, it’s new, and I’m not used to not knowing what to do. You know that. So I froze. I fucked up, so badly. You deserve so much more than that. Grantaire, I don’t hate you. I don’t dislike you. I can’t get mad at you, or at least I can’t stay mad, because every time I see your face, I lose my ability to form words, you’re so fucking beautiful in a way I can’t begin to describe. And then you open your stupid mouth and even though you piss me off a lot I can’t be mad that you said anything because your voice is like fucking velvet and you drive me nuts every second you speak because I want to kiss you but that’ll make you stop talking. Please don’t ever stop talking to me. Listening to you talk is like reading the most interesting book in the world; the Library of Alexandria pales in comparison. You always say I’m an angel, but I think you’re confused, you’re so gentle and kind, behind all that sarcasm and bitterness is a sweetheart who just wants to see people smile; I’ve seen the way you are around kids and sometimes that makes me think maybe I want kids, I want kids with you, because you’re so fucking sweet to them it hurts. You’re so fucking talented, I’ve never cared for art or music but yours makes me feel in a way that makes Monet and Bach look like pussies. Just as a note: I can’t tell you what to do, but if you ever cut your hair, I think I’ll die, because you have the most beautiful hair in the world and I want to spend the rest of my life playing with it. Your eyes are so incredible and I know you see me staring sometimes, but you never comment on it, because you’re amazing like that, and I fucking love you, Grantaire.

You (1:32 PM): I love you so fucking much, and I froze, and I hurt you, but I want you to know that I love you.

You (1:32 PM): I don’t want you to ever think I don’t love you.

You (1:32 PM): I love you.

You (1:33 PM): And I’m well aware I’ve just written you a full-length novel. Sorry haha

Enjolras sees Grantaire typing for a second, then the dots disappear. They reappear again, then disappear - this repeats a few times before Enjolras actually gets a message.

R♥ (1:35 PM): holy shit

R♥ (1:35 PM): just

R♥ (1:36 PM): you made me cry you shithead

R♥ (1:36 PM): can you like. come over? Combeferre’s home on his lunch break right

You (1:36 PM): Yeah, let me get dressed, first. Give me, like, half an hour and I’ll be there.

R♥ (1:37 PM): ok

R♥ (1:37 PM): i love you

R♥ (1:37 PM): aaAAA i’m still nervous about saying that!!!!!!!!!!

You (1:38 PM): :’) Cute. I love you too.

R♥ (1:38 PM): !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Enjolras gets dressed in a rush, throwing on a band tee and those black jeans that Grantaire loves.

He gets to Grantaire’s place in 15 minutes flat.

He doesn’t even really need to knock on the door - Grantaire swings it open and pulls him into the apartment, kissing him fiercely, pushing him against the wall.

Enjolras lays his hands on R’s hips, while R lands one hand on Enjolras’s chest, the other cupping his cheek, rubbing gentle circles with his thumb.

When Grantaire pulls away, he’s panting, his cheeks are rosy and his eyes are watering. He stares up at Enjolras; there’s a heartbreaking uncertainty behind those eyes - he waits for Enjolras to speak. Enjolras rests his forehead against Grantaire’s, taking his hands in his own. Blue eyes meet deep brown, and for a moment, Enjolras is enchanted. Back to business, he thinks.

“Grantaire.” Grantaire hums in response, and holds up on of Enjolras’s hands to kiss his fingers. “I love you.”

There’s a shaky exhale. Then R is pulling Enjolras impossibly tight, burying his head in Enj’s shoulder, quivering as he whispers, “I love you so fucking much.” Enjolras can’t help but smile as he presses a kiss to Grantaire’s neck.

Well, that’s the shortest fight we’ve ever had, Enjolras thinks.

//

[tylerwritez]

Saturday, June 19 2021

I dont know how I feel about the day yet cos right now its only 10:13. I dont post these exactly on the days I write them, but I write them on these exact days nonetheless.

My throat still hurts, my ass hurts, oUch,.... I'm sure you know why. Like, when you suck dick, it takes throat strength to make sure you don't fucking vomit everywhere and like. I OBVIOUSLY dont have that strength since I had to wash vomit outta my hair this morning

Hes so hot tho oh. My god.

Whatever. New day. So we talk about new things.

Star seems kinda sad but I dont really know why? She said on her story that people dont really go outta their way to talk to her... idk. I shot a good morning dm and now I'm here. I made my bed. Packed up my shit. Every time we pack things up my parents rage cos they always find shit they dont want to see: monster cans, evidence of my self harm, etc.

We have 1 more week then school is OVER and I move outta this house cos of the divorce. Jay will be gone too... I still have his insta, but I might ask for his number... just in case. I always get weirdly attached to people I fuck even if there was never any romantic part of the relationship. We are just friends.

Apparently we are going to the pick n pack today with my friend let's call her Zara. It's notfar off from her real name but whatever. Basically pick n pack is where you go to a vegetable garden and pick vegetables

I have a test soon but idk if I'll study for it. I NEVER really put work into studying or pay attention in class and I'm holding an 82 average. I got a 39 once, so once I retake that quiz I might be in the 90s. Sorry Mr. Renal, I simply can't bring myself to care about your class 😢

I LOVE my art class tho. It's just doing ART!!!! ART TIME!!!! Art is the best and I would post some of mine but my irls would proabably find me then. Like my name isnt ACTUALLY Jude Shepard. I'm just using it as a penname and also cos that's what they called me in my dream. But other than that everything I tell y'all is real. I'm making buttered toast rn.

3:38 p.m.  sat june 19th

I've decided to include a song recommendation with every entry. Today's recommendation: A Match Into Water by Pierce The Veil

Okay so it turns out we didnt go to pick n pack with Zara. Instead we went to downtown... White Ave. It was sunny n we walked a bit, got lemonades and a bit of candy, went into stores, idk. BUT. The notable part of this is that next to the farmers market there were all the usual activist groups: falun gong, vegan, whatever... but one of them looked like it was a LEFTIST GROUP, possible marxist.

I wanted to talk to them so badly and wanted to see how I could help the cause. See, I'm a communist. AND IM NOT HERE TO DEBATE THAT. I'm here to talk about my days. Anwyays I wanted to talk to them sO BADLY. but my parents wouldn't leave me alone. And like. I hate political discussion with them. They just upset me and they get mad and I CANT AFFORD TO MAKE THEM MAD. I play everything that goes on with me on the Down Low, I dont talk about anything about myself because if I do, I get less freedom in my life. They have control in my life, so I have to appease them. Because of this, I unfortunately did not get to talk to the communists :(

Hopefully they're still there next time... I'm kinda mad >:(

Also Star replied to my good morning text... I told her to have fun shopping since that's what she told me she was gonna do... she just said "thanks" and I was concerned because THATS NOT HOW SHE TYPES? I feel like shes sad over something but i dont know what.

The day me and Jacob did stuff, I was supposed to walk her to her bus stop like I always do. But I didnt (duh) I took Jacob home.

But IT WAS ONE! DAY. And I told her my dad called me over so.... I apologized too and she seemed mad at herself, but in the way that's intended to make you feel bad.

I dont understand her sometimes. I LOVE HER. DON'T GET ME WRONG. I love her so so much shes such a great supportive funny attractive girl! But soemtimes she gets upset and I can never tell why: is it the depression? Is it me? Is it soemthing else entirely? And she'll never tell me.

Whatever, I'll ask her how she is tonight and maybe we can Talk :/

I might never tell her about Jay... :P I might never tell ANYONE about Jay. It's our little secret I guess >:))))))

Man see? I'm no saint. I guess that's what'll make this blog worth reading. I'm a bit conflicted about the whole thing cos I KNOW this is morally not right but. I'm doing it anyways. What can I say? I'm used to lying and hiding things for my benefit. I had to do it to survive and now? Now I do it for funsies.

I'm gonna pack some more stuff, TTYL ♡

UPDATE: we had to go look at houses for the move (since my parents r divorcing) and I didnt get to pack much of anything yet

I'm definently over my cal limit today...

        Cold sweet or carbonated drinks help with my throat pain so I'm downing them like they're NOTHING and since we have no zero  cal cold drinks I'm DEAD... and no, water does NOTHING.

Jeez, its raining out.

And FUCK JAY cos hes still on my mind.

Its 4:11 p.m. now.

Its now 7:56 p.m.

I kinda feel like an edgy main character in an edgy movie rolling up to the park and sitting #alone in the Treez like the emo band music video protagonist I am.

Sometimes its exhausting to talk to people I care about in a serious way or that I talk to in a more sincere manner like Star and Jay and others. Even if they're just friends. If our interactions are serious and not really casual and usually play out like long deep conversation, I feel like to respond to or even read their messages, I need to have like an hour allotted to conversation. Soemtimes I see the messages early and have to pretend I didnt see em cos I dont have internet to respond or time to respond its. Funny. Idk.

Anwyays I'm binging chocolate in a park alone and like. Rotting my fucking teeth OH WELL 🤷🏻‍♂️ whatcha gonna do.

Its 8 now so I should head home. I just biked to the s4ve 0ns to get my dad white choclate but. If I'm going to s4ve 0ns... YOU BET YOUR ASS IM GONNA STE4L SHIT. THAT PLACE IS EASY AS FUCKKK.

Also I'm kinda addicted to sh0pl1fting. The THRILL I get from it is so insane. It's fun! And you get free stuff! I know If i get caught I'm risking a lot. I'm aware. But I dont really care. Every step I take nowadays is risk taking. So why not take more?

I dont care about nonsense therapy. Fuck that.... actually I'll explain why i dont go to therapy for my shit:

1. I cant

2. I don't trust it

Anwyays yeah.

My throat still hurts. Idk, I just like to be in the sun and shit ALONE.

ALONE! It's so funny to me how now I like my time alone but as a kid I'd proabably kill for some positive attention. Well... it's more complex than that, but I wont go into it tonight.

Pls watch me die of diabetes soon from eating all this fucking chocolate.

My parents said to stop drinking monster and I wANT THEM TO TRUST ME so i can go out with my friends... but also I shoulda got monster outta spite. Heart palpitations my ASS.

Tonight I'll be talking to Jay AND Star. At the same time. Which is awkward... Which is MY OWN MESS TO CLEAN UP. I actually accept full responsibility. But also its awkward.

Whatever. I'll sort it out.

My parents arent being as complicated as usual. I guess they're tryna reverse all those years of... emotional neglect i guess? Something.

Something. Which isnt nothing.

But also I think they're guilty over the divorce. Like. Today my dad was like "do u ever feel sad? Blah blah blah... how do u feel rn" and I was like smiling tryna play off his question like it was absurd and I said "uhm idk... *fake laugh* normal?"

THE TRUTH WAS THAT I WAS A BIT CONFUDDLED ABOUT WHAT I WAS GONNA DO REGARDING. LITERALLY CHEATING. ON MY GF. WITH SOME DUDE IN MY ART CLASS. JUST FOR SEX.

But then he was like "this isnt normal." And he looked all sad.  But on my way to the park here, I thought about it a bit more. And actually... it IS normal. The divorce rate is smthn like 60 percent in the states and 40 percent in canada... which is where I live.

Yknow... if my irls find this,,, all I have to say is sorry. Be as mean as you want.

I've already accepted my fate as a degenerate scumbag anyways lol.

Actually... how DO I feel? Hmm... laying in this field.

Urgency.

I have a lot of stuff to do.

Physical pain, but that's not. A FEELING.

I guess anticipation to TALK TO PEOPLE.

Regret from my binge... I better get home.

You know what's so funny to me? I cant purge on my own... but dick makes me vomit. Like the one time I DONT want to throw up, I do. Damn okay.

Well its 8:18 so I'm going home maybe. Soon. For now, I think I'll stay a little longer.

Yknow one thing I didn't expect to be sore was my arms... which I used to prop myself up to... yknow, suck Jay...

I still remember he said: "you're trembling." And I was like FUCK because I thought the trembling was HIM... •_• it's okay though I'll learn to do better.

Idk tho... I feel comfortable with him. Even as nervous as I am and embarrassed to be. Naked. In front of soemone else. And such. He makes me feel comfortable. Look, I did my best, DUH of cOURSE I did my best, I'm the type who will work hard at stuff even if they're getting hurt. I didnt mind honeslty. My goal in that part was just to make him feel good. Equal exchange, yknow? He did the same thing to me.

But like, he can tell when I gag and he tells me not to hurt myself and of course I keep going, I'm not about to SToP. But. I dont kNOW. Him talking to me like that makes me feel a lot safer doing stuff like that you know?

I like when he starts kissing me and touching me like he cant contain himself its almost animalistic and VERY FUCKING HOT

I feel like I talk about him too much but you gotta realize that was my FIRST time

1. Sucking dick

2. having MY junk sucked

3. Having anything put. Inside me. (It was just his finger but stILL)

So yeaH. Of course I'm gonna talk about it. A lot.

He said I was adorable. He said he likes how, when he leans over me, I take in a breath... how he could make me flinch.

THATS HOT ISNT IT.

I feel like I'm getting lost in his charm when I shoULD be tryna fix shit with my girlfriend. She seems sad and I'm worried.

But there isnt much more to say until I DM her tonight...

I really fucked up, didn't I? I totally fucked up and now my brain is all confused. But I have to remember that Jay is only about sex. He would be nice to cuddle, since hes fucking HUGE and I'm kinda on the short side, but he doesnt talk to me out of love. He does it out of lust. And yeah... I really only want sex from him too. But like. Star and I are COMMITTED. We got our feelings wrapped up together. Emotionally and romantically.

So. I should proabably like... stop fucking with Jay. Tell Star what I did. And hope she forgives me. That's the morally correct thing to do.

But like... do I EVER make the morally correct decision? No. Not really. I'm a piece of shit. Whatever. Its highschool anwyays we arent mating for life. IM NOT SAYING WHAT I DID WASNT BAD. IT WAS. VERY BAD.

but I'm gonna keep making bad decisions.

I DO FEEL BAD.... but look. If we're being logical about this and tryna maximize my benefit here,, I should keep Star as my girlfriend and TREAT HER WELL... but with Jay as a fuckbuddy on the side. Hes leaving the school soon anwyays so then we'll hang out less...

That's my plan, anyways.

I KNOW I'm a bad person. I'm aware. But it's just a fact of life.

I'm cheating with my cards here in so many places: stealing, lying, cheating, disobeying my parents, not paying attention in class.. IM KIND OF AN ASSHOLE KID. Idk. It's kinda whatever to me. I'm fucking harry Houdini, okay? I can get out of anyhting. This isnt me being cocky... I have historically gotten out of MANY tight situations, even some that risked my life, and I'm still here. I think I'm a walking lucky charm or SOEMTHING

Welp, we know if gods real I'm going to hell.

I dont really care. Idk. I guess I'm just at that risk taking phase in.my life. That doesnt  justify anything... but it explains it. And it's possible to explain without justifying.

Man,,, I guarantee whoever reads this blog is gonna hate my guts.

Whatever. It's my fucking journal/diary lol.

I can sorta say whatever I'd like.

It's funny because I always thought I was trustworthy and had no commitment issues BUT HEY I GUESS NOT.

I keep telling myself, cut him off, YOU AVE A GIRLFRIEND, FESS UP AND APOLOGIZE... but then I picture his STUPID smirking face and I CANT.

Maybe I am in love double.

Doesnt matter if I am... i still did a bad thing.

DAMN.

Well... I'm headed back home now. 8:41. I'm gonna pack my shit, change, watch youtube,,,, I guess I should check my google classroom and like. do my fucking homework... cos I haven't done it yet.

Then I'll update yall.

11:51 p.m.

Hey guys I'm back with an update.

I talked with both of then... star doesnt seem interested in having an actual conversation,,, shes just talking  about  random bs. Which is fine but I dont rly get what shes saying half the time COS SHES NOT BLUNT ENOUGH. and then the other half shes going on about how much she hates life. Like.

I do love her. We've bonded. I AM concerned about her. But sometimes I feel like she doesn't really try. Like I can talk her down from suicide all I want but everything I say is wrong and cliched and based off my own experience with suicidal thoughts and like... my mentality has always been sorta toxicly masculine. Push through, and push through alone. I CANT ALWAYS HELP! And it makes me feel shitty. Idk. She'll be okay, I know so cos of her story posts and drawings.

I feel bad but I know I can't help much. We talked a little. Idk, we didnt get anywhere. I love her but shes acting in a way that tells me soemthing is wrong but I CANT FIX THAT THING. SO. yeah, theres not much to say. I wish I could take away all her pain but I can't.

I talked to Jay as well... I DONT KNOW WHATS HAPPENING BECAUSE I LIKE HIM SO SO MUCH. SO MUCH. HES LITERALLY PERFECT. sexy, kind and super considerate, he always makes sure I'm comfortable... I dont KNOW,,, hes sweet.

Hes not romantically interested in me. Which is a bit sad. Sometimes I want to tell him "I love you!!!" But then I remember that we are, in his words, friends with benefits. Fuck buddies. Two horny teenage boys who just wanna fuck... and be friends. That's all. That's us. We aren't romantically involved nor will we ever be. I hate how my brain gets so attached to anyone I fuck... especially since I kinda see Jay as an "older brother" figure, which makes no sense until you actually meet him and vibe with him... and like,,, I've always wanted that?

Tommorow I'm gonna ask for him to come over to watch a movie... but idk if I should actually ask because my parents kinda hate me now for fucking up so much. I'll do my homework and clean my room first... which will take up all my time proabably :( it's okay. Maybe some other time :(

I dont want him to lose interest in me though.

.... its 1:56 a.m.

Okay. Okay. I'll say it. I love him.

Goodnight, tumblr.

-Jude

[w1737087]

1st June

Sipped on mango juice through the night.

Up at around 9 from mother’s rigid voice and all her disputes with father.

Got up shut the door and shut the window. I could still hear her.

I finally placed multiple orders on ear buds..

Today she thinks dads out with a woman

I put on back to sleep playlist and later fell asleep. It was hard work, to fall asleep,

Dad called. I ignored it.

Kay called. I ignored it.

Up before 3pm and out of bed by 3

I cried before sleeping from all the frustration and triggering the sack of thoughts about my never ending tribulations and vast entrapment by mother.

Dreams? A little fucked up.

Shambolic scenarios being slammed in and out of one from another.

Killing bunnies?

Interrupted sex dream?

Other weird & hectic shit happened I cannot recall but I remember being sucked in by my pillows into some visions like a vacuum literally PULLING my face in. This happened twice and funny thing, I was in my mind REALISING it but also having the want to not... wake up because of it so I gave in again. It soon..was getting intense. Not scary but just hitting the red meter and I thought I’d burst and die and mentally I recited my shahada. Again, no fear, just intensity. Who dreams like this? For someone who dreams a lot this was something new I experienced.

When I woke all I concluded was that I really wanted to sleep. I hadn’t gotten enough and knew I wanted to get some more to meet the amount I should have gotten.

By 4pm completed the last mask sitting in the bed in my parents room.

Packed it up got ready. The little one tagged along. Dad came home and stormed back out. Mother has been fighting over the phone with him since the morning disrupting my sleep. I can hear her all day as I get on with my own day.

We went to post office to drop the mask sack off. Learnt what postage stamps are really for. A source of posting currency. Second band I sent it. Dad actually waited near the shops on the way there spontaneously, he called and we hopped in.

He took us McDonalds and we ate sitting in beckton car park. It was hot.

The little un wanted to return her books and I also needed to go to the high street.

We didn’t do either and I felt bad for not having taken her where I told her we’d go.

She also mentioned the zoo recently and I said a couple weeks time.

I’ve got to tell work I ain’t working my usual days then I’ll plan the zoo.

The car park is pretty empty. Around us boxed tarmac and in front upgraded stores.

Dads wearing a half sleeved shirt and

I wanted a fag as he had his.

I sat at the front, the little one at the back.

She talks about newspapers and her friends hand drawing being in today’s paper. She wanted to see. Dad only had dated ones.

I had one in my hands now and decided to do a crossword puzzle and a sudoku. I was really into the crossword as we arrived home.

We came home and through the journey dad talked about mother’s behaviour and she called a couple times and I didn’t like it. She is just so bothersome. Rightfully so but to witness it and know enough of what’s going on I’d without a doubt shove a muzzle on my mother for life and let my dad be. She would also be settled by this. Then I would be and that’s my main motive.

6pm

Tried to poop. Fail.

Eldest was in the shower. She was prompt.

Middle one wanted to go. I got out unbothered as i couldn’t go.

Came up

18:10

Lit up out the window.

My heart does that thing again.

Somethings deeply wrong. Inside of me I know for a fact there’s a riot, flaccid tears, somewhere along in the past couple weeks or further back I malfunctioned.

I don’t know if this is anxiety or not but I find myself alone and noticing my heart beating at an abnormal rate. It is everything but peace. I feel horrifyingly unsettled. I’ve got the essays I’ve got to write on my mind. It’s a factor in play as well as the wrecked sleep and I just feel so so insufferable these days. I can’t stop it, I try to be calm, I seem calm, I tell myself calm, I am so, but just as I am, I am entirely not all fine. Whatcwr this is I need it stop. My motner and her aura, ber behaviour which wrecks my sleep every morning as well as being underpaid at work and so many otber reasons. I cannot seem to stabilise myself correctly enough anymore. Everytime I want to yell at my parents it goes down mentally and when with them individually it’s to come out as I would be deemed crazy to blurt these issues out at the wrong times. At the right time it doesn’t work either. Either their good mood or their something is in the way. I’m doing so many things wrong and i just feel I’m in the middle of an identity crisis too. I don’t go to uni, I picture my desk and have no clue what’s there, I don’t go so label it as I can’t go, my baby sis is growing up and I haven’t been there, day by day I still feel I’m doing wrong by her, now that I’ve started work I’ve wasted time to better things with her. I don’t want to be here in this house and nobody will let me leave. I have no one to speak to because speaking to people is all that’s ever done, they hear they listen but they just don’t know the root of my problems and I am just beyond in need of help. How do I survive another year of this and manage to build the money and courage to move myself out of here, i don’t want grey hairs, if they show up I’ll know I’m damaging rn and I want to be settled if anything for now, for whatcwr this feeling inside of my chest is to mellow. It’s hectic between my rib cage there and my mind is swell. They are not in sync. I am not fine. Summer always had me feeling a type of way too. It’s a very very fine day and I want it but I feel once it comes around every year I’m not a part of it. Ever. It’s like it’s always for the world except for me. I cannot indulge in it enough to feel like it’s for me too.

The house is empty for now. Just us girls. Parents gone out to get some papers for the little one.

They may be back. I don’t know. I’m in my room holed up.

Mood today:

Absolutely off

Down

Unsettled, torn.

18:40 tbwy levaw. The sisters now. I’m all alone. It’s Such a rarity I don’t have time to pick what to do. Today’s agenda was to begin emailing Stewart and getting started on something to do with the essays.

I’m still dressed.

I cleaned up the powder that fell to the ground dispersing into a thousand pieces from my compact blush case.

I remember growing massively agitated over it as it was a fat mess and it fell like they always somehow accidentally do due to lack of space here and how I always always mentally be careful to not let them fall and they do anyway.AND I GET WO MAD

🆘

Recap

Been a busy day. Productive.

Moved extension cord back. Had to move alll my shoes and did rearrange them better seeing as the few at the bottom were damaging by the compression.

Tidied the messy tower of clothes on my chair.

Emptied the underwear drawers and distributed everyone’s own to their own rooms. Assigned the two empty drawers to the little one now. She needs the space.

Liphi went for her lip filler appointment today with Nam who didn’t wanna go with.

We FaceTimed later around 9:45 for a bit.

Her lips are bruised.

I cleaned the floor. Emptied the bin, enjoyed the brief empty house before bleaching and washing my shirts.

Shuffled some things around

Tidied the bedside table and some of the drawer, moved all the bundles of colour pencils and placed them in my art box under the bed, the drawer now has better space but still clogged as usual.

Opened a package which held my sports bras that I wanted more of after having one. They stabilise my breasts well.

The little one stayed by me as I cleaned my room. She was refolding her clothes all very neatly for their new place.

She went out with my parents when the house was empty to collect madrasah forms and tbwy went shopping at galleons. From H&M she bought a sky blue dress, trackies with hearts on them, pink sliders with cartoon slapped on and a pair of leggings.

Meals:

Macdonnas in the car with dad

Late night lasagne. 00:30

Ice cream from truck - sister bought after I sorted out everyone’s underwear with the little one in parents room. She sat in her car much of that hour.

Brain kicker

A nutty Lindt bar and I just ain’t taking care of my body anymore am I in terms of eating matter..

Notes

Sneezed 3 times

Thought about that bee lad at today.

Remembering to take my vitamins.

Killed my first mosquito tonight and seeing more than a couple. This means summer has officially kicked in.

Almost burnt the entire microwave down and could have blown a fuse. I placed my lasganve in and the wrapped food pack it was in caught fire immediately and I lunged at the push button.

Couldn’t blow the flames off as they were too great. Tossed it in the sink quickly and splashed water all over it which went everywhere too.

I was very alarmed. I don’t find myself in such situations that cause panic ever really.

Didn’t go to the Palestine protests as there were fights breaking out and harm occurring with the movement.

Humayra’s in the bathroom at midnight when I’ve already set my clothes in there and was ready to shower. I went back up for something and did an arm workout for 30 minutes or so including some rnr

I didn’t like that she was in there at this hour, why is it every time I need the bathroom she utilises it. I felt aggravated and those thoughts immediately crept in that I need out, I need my own place where I can get shit done without wasting these few minutes a couple hundred times a day of everyday due to others. It’s literally slowing my life down and she’s in the way of my kitchen and bathroom use, more so the latter this season.

So I showered, scrubbed my face, ears, in between toes and all and finally done with my day around 3am

[hinanaha]

1-170 :)

lmfao james i swear to god

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? i wish i was 160cm cause i wanna be short and also then my weight would be healthy lmao2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) we all know i want a norwegian forest cat, and also a lizard would be cute3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? long flowing dress or skirts w blouses4: What was your favorite video game growing up? pokemon5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: my cats, what i will eat and how much a wanna be picked up and spun around one day6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? it wouldnt say anything it`d just have the crying laughing emoji like deepfried on red tape7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? u didnt say anything for this so ill state my opinion on meat which is yuck8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] none rlly fit me tbh9: Are you ticklish? yea….. 10: Are you allergic to anything? nope11: What’s your sexuality? lesbian (femme lesbian specifically)12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? coffee, tho i like all13: Are you a cat or dog person? CAT, im very picky abt dogs14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? elf15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? idk like i dont rlly watch youtube for anyone inparticular i just watch whatever16: How tall are you? 170cm17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? opal, just cause its my middle name and opals are my favourite gemstone18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] about 50kg (ik im underweight if anyone is concerned btw im fine its a sideaffect of one of my medications)19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? yes20: Do you like space or the ocean more? i love sharks and jellyfish so the ocean, however i am fucking scared of octopuses21: Are you religious? nope, never have been22: Pet peeves? men.23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? why does diurnal sound like urinal, but i like the day so that24: Favorite constellation? the pot thing cause its easy to spot25: Favorite star? the biggest one there is26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? i dont rlly see much of a use for them27: Any phobias or fears? arachnophobia, and aslo the dark 28: Do you think global warming is real? um yes definitely, because im not stupid29: Do you believe in reincarnation? i mean there aint even close to enough science backing or not backing it so i couldnt say, im neutral 30: Favorite movie? idk31: Do you get scared easily? id say more anxious then scared, like im a very jumpy and shaky person32: How many pets have you owned in your lifetime? idk like 20+ (chickens count)33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] yes34: What is a color that calms you? peachy colours and whites35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? i would love to hike somewhere someday tbh i think itd be rlly magical, and i love nature so much36: Where were you born? Melbourne37: What is your eye color? blue grey38: Introvert or extrovert? introvert39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? to an extent40: Hugs or kisses? both at the same time41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? honestly kinda wanna see my nan rn for some reason42: Who is someone you love deeply? definitely my mum, she is the most important person to me43: Any piercings you want? i want a nose piercing, maybe a small decorative ring44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? yess i love them, i rlly want a tattoo someday45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? no i dont want to46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! i don`t have one47: What is a sound you really hate? i cannot stand the sound of animals licking themselves48: A sound you really love? wind chimes49: Can you do a backflip? i could if i wanted to50: Can you do the splits? no51: Favorite actor and/or actress? ashley johnston52: Favorite movie? this was already asked lmao53: How are you feeling right now? pretty chill but also kinda sad for no actual reason54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? im feelin a burgundy colour tbh55: When did you feel happiest? nothing specific rlly56: Something that calms you down? music57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] i have ADD also p bad anxiety58: What does your URL mean? mango boba yum59: What three words describe you the most? anti-social goblin witch 60: Do you believe in evolution? i do biology so yes61: What makes you unfollow a blog? they post stuff i dont care abt or triggering content62: What makes you follow a blog? pretty picture63: Favorite kind of person: someone who makes me feel special/loved64: Favorite animal(s): cats, bees, lizards, crows65: Name three of your favorite blogs. idfk tbh66: Favorite emoticon: im not on mobile but the sparkling heart one67: Favorite meme: i dont have a favourite68: What is your MBTI personality type? Infp/intp69: What is your star sign? taurus70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? no they cannot71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? pyjamas72: Post a selfie or two? icbb73: Do you have platform shoes? yes74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? i have a double jointed shoulder on one arm75: Can you do a front flip? yes76: Do you like birds? yes chirp 77: Do you like to swim? no lol it sucks i cant breath well when i swim and it freaks me out78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? ice skating, i love it, would take up lessons if they were available79: Something you wish didn’t exist: flies80: Some thing you wish did exist: giant domestic cats81: Piercings you have? just simple ear piercings82: Something you really enjoy doing: doing creative things w friends83: Favorite person to talk to: u already know its the council 84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? funny mem85: How many followers do you have? 168 (i had 470 on my old blog)86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? ye but not always87: Do your socks always match? yes88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? yeah89: What are your birthstones? idk90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? surprising but id be a fox not a cat91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? lavenders baby92: A store you hate? bendigo iga, its shit93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? 1 otherwise my hands shake94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? neither tbh95: Do you like to wear camo? ii guess if it looks good96: Winter or summer? summer97: How long can you hold your breath for? a pretty long time actually, once held my breath for 3 minutes underwater98: Least favorite person? my dad99: Someone you look up to: no one100: A store you love? i dont like kpop anymore, but the owners of happytown were always so nice to me so i rlly like that store because of that101: Favorite type of shoes converse102: Where do you live? austrlia103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? im vegetarian, but i eat mostly vegan food, i rlly like animals and dont like the idea of eating them, also eating too many animal products can be unhealthy 104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? opal105: Do you drink milk? ye but not on its own106: Do you like bugs? yes, silly creetures107: Do you like spiders? im scared of them108: Something you get paranoid about? i dont rlly get paranoid much, but i sometimes get rlly paranoid something be watching me109: Can you draw: ye, reblog my art pls @yumeuwu110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? i cant remember lmao111: A question you hate being asked? i cant think of anything112: Ever been bitten by a spider? nope113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? yeah its pretty nice114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? both i guess,  tho respectfully to their matching seasons115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: id cuddle my future gf rn :`)116: Favorite cloud type: .. w… poofy cloud117: What color do you wish the sky was? yellow would be pretty, but not piss yellow cause that`d be weird118: Do you have freckles? yea faint ones119: Favorite thing about a person: their lips, lips pretty120: Fruits or vegetables? veggies121: Something you want to do right now: sit on a warm hill in silence122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? sky123: Sweet or sour foods? im more of a savoury person124: Bright or dim lights? dim, sexy125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? i mean it aint impossible126: Something you hate about Tumblr: pointless discourse127: Something you love about Tumblr: nice people128: What do you think about the least? idfk129: What would you want written on your tombstone? oh my fuckin god she fuckin dead130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? no one, but im always ready to punch something131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? im very very selfless, which is nice but also makes me rlly sad sometimes132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? nah133: Computer or TV? computer134: Do you like roller coasters? hell yeah, they fun135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? i get motion sickness136: Are your ears lobed or attached? lobed137: Do you believe in karma? i guess138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? probably a 7, like im p cute139: What nicknames do you have/have had? uhhh anepeace (die mr flanagan that nickname is so ugly)140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? no, not that desperate yet (no offence to those who do have them im sure ur lovely)141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? yeah i see a psychologist monthly and also psychiatrist 142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? id like to say good143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? recieving144: What makes you angry? assholes145: How many languages do you speak fluently? 1146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? girls ;3147: Are you androgynous? nah148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: i have nice shoulders149: Favorite thing about your personality: i try to be considerate of others 150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. idk151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? honestly fine w this one152: Do you like BuzzFeed? some things153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] dont have one :((154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? nah155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? yea, prefer people playing w my hair tho156: What embarrasses you? anything that puts me at the centre of attention among strangers157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: loud noises158: Biggest lie you have ever told: i dont rlly tell lies so notin159: How many people are you following? i cbb to check160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? 7000+161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? 1162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? idfk163: Last time you cried and why: i cried cause i saw a floofy cat164: Do you have long or short hair? short hair165: Longest your hair has ever been: hip length166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? most religious views ive heard make no sense when compared to science so i dont rlly believe it167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? nah168: Do you like to wear makeup? sometimes169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? no im weak170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? ye