#WHAT does it matter! who cares! can't stop the inevitable so might as well go with it! hell world in t minus 1 day let's rock n roll baby!

[scabbardsystem]

none of this matters at all actually.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

the amount of times i Do This must be a joke at this point but here i am. doing it once more. izaya's highschool videogame SCREAMS "i just found out i have aspd and i am NOT taking it well." and i shall explain how

a preface: wrt "how did he know in high school, don't you have to be 18?" you do.... with the dsm guidelines. japan, iirc, uses a conbination of the dsm and icd to diagnose mental illnesses, and the age stipulation isn't in the icd. also, shinra could have told him, and lbr shinra wouldnt care about strictly adhering to the age thing

anyway i went thru and highlighted different parts of the videogame's text, so i can easier explain which part means what. i'll primarily be focusing on the chronic boredom associated with aspd- since izaya's game deals with patience, most musings in it will be related to that boredom. but the boredom, especially izaya's, IS important, as its the boredom that drives him to do what he does. to be what he is.

(shoutout to miyukiwinter for the scan)

so... the red bit. this relates to izaya's worldview of the need to keep evolving to escape the mundane, and it not mattering if you aim high or low. now at this point, izaya was solidly in some shady shit and clearly on the path of the low aim. but the thing is, about aspd... the boredom is all consuming. you'll do ANYTHING to not be bored. i've seen people say they developed substance abuse problems to escape the boredom, and i confess... i've done it too. it truly is THAT bad

i say all this because... izaya will never be able to stop going lower, and lower, and lower. he's fated to fall forever. maybe he wouldve been able to brush his behavior off as teenage craziness, but with a diagnosis like aspd it becomes increadingly obvious that there is no "oh, i'll mellow out once i reach my 20s." it's not going to happen, at least, not without great effort. and lets be real, nobody has any faith in aspd's recovery rates, less so in the early 2010s, so izaya upon diagnosis would see NO FUTURE for himself. no escape from the cycle. he's trapped.

the blue bits are a bit more vauge, but the undertainty turning to loss evokes the next stage after the initial shock of diagnosis: grief. and make no mistake, there IS a grieving process with mental health diagnoses. you go from being shocked and scared, to being depressed and numb.

but there's... another layer to this, with aspd. you see it with cluster b disorders in general, but aspd is HUGE in the pop culture zeitgeist

the layer is, the idea that People Like That don't feel emotions. that any emotional display is false and an explicit ploy to mainpulate someone

and when this inevitably ends up untrue, you might start to feel... odd... about feeling those emotions people say you can't feel. and one of the biggest emotions aspd gets that with, is fear and by extension, anxiety.

some aspd people genuinely do feel reduced fear! but it's far from being a diagnostic criteria, and aspd can actually be comorbid with anxiety disorders. but scientific facts and wider culture rarely match up, so the idea persists

so izaya might have started to think.... was he ever truly anxious? or worried? was he really more rotten than people thought; was he just mainpulating people the whole time? does he really not feel anxiety? was his nervousness over things like shinra leaving him or hell, this diagnosis, rendered null and void?

and then we reach the teal portion.... despair

(just a sidenote, tumblr has no teal color option so it'll just be blue)

in this sense, "the hole" refers to the endless downward spiral, and his diagnosis- but not just having it. no, "the hole" most likely refers to the moment izaya developed it in the first place.

who are you, if you thought you were in control your whole life, but you found out that the reason you do the things you do were because of foeces beyond your control? who are you now, having a label you know will cause everyone to see you as nothing but a stereotype?

why was he still alive, suffering like this? what point is it to be alive, controlled by something you can't fight, forced to make your life worse and worse and worse, until you die young?

so now what? who did this to him?

in the game, the hatred is towards "the player." and honestly this could have multiple different meanings when applied to izaya's own life

does he hate god? was he raised religious, his father being a christian, and was this what made him lose faith? what loving god would condemn someone to suffer like this?

does he hate his parents? after all, it was their genetics that passed this down, their upbringing that nurtured it, their neglect that made him the way he was. is it their fault?

or... does he hate himself, for being the way that he is? for having it in the first place, for not being able to overcome it, for having such a bad reaction to it?

for being too cowardly to kill himself?

which brings us to the final segment. awareness.

he says outright, the game is depicting the player's life. in the game itself, this ties into his mockery of players, but in a meta sense, it could be a hidden admission that it's depicting his life

especially the talk of meaningless games- fooling around with nakura creating small gangs, betting pools, and his eventual adult pastimes of messing with people. is his life enriched? no, it's merely occupied, and he knows it. he might have repressed it as an adult, but here, in high school, at this moment, he knows.

and if he can never truly alleviate his boredom, never truly be fufilled, then he can act like he's in control all he wants, but he's no better than a man falling in a hole.

[dixbolik-lovers]

They are in a good home and their owner brings in another vampire. Reiji - Shu, Subaru - Ayato, Laito - Reiji, Yuma - Ruki, Ruki - Kou (each the thoughts of both sides)

Reiji — Shuu

• The second he realizes who you've brought home, Reiji is seething. All he can think is that he's going to be replaced by the one who somehow always manages to outshine him, and that thought doesn't do his mental state any good. He quickly starts to grow paranoid that Shuu is trying to sabotage him, and if he feels neglected by you, he'll become increasingly resentful.

• Reiji's presence doesn't really matter to him. Shuu knows that his brother despises him, but that's just... whatever. It's not like there's anything he can do about it, and he's fine with letting Reiji keep the spotlight. He has the feeling that Reiji is going to try something nasty sooner or later, but that's something to deal with when it happens. As it is, he just wants to be left alone.

Subaru — Ayato

• While he's a bit happy to see his brother again, Subaru is also deeply concerned that this isn't going to end well. Ayato has always been one to cause trouble, and Subaru is dreading the inevitable fuck-up that'll earn his brother a serious punishment. He knows you're a kind owner, but that doesn't stop the worry that Ayato is going to make problems for both of them.

• Being brought into a new home, he immediately sees Subaru as competition. Even if it's just his brother, Ayato can't help but feel like he has to do everything possible to stand out and be good enough to keep. He develops an unfortunate habit of trying to provoke Subaru, and that habit only gets worse as he realizes that this new home is one that's going to treat him well.

Laito — Reiji

• He's not exactly opposed to having his brother around, overall. Laito doesn't particularly care about who he has to share a home with, especially since you've proven yourself to be so very kind. If anything, it's rather entertaining to watch Reiji struggle to earn your favor when there's no need for so much panic. And deep down... he's a bit happy that part of his family can also be safe.

• Reiji immediately assumes that Laito is being used for more of the same in this home— and that leads him to worry about his own fate here. He's as desperate to please you as ever, though, and only starts to relax as he sees that his brother is truly comfortable. The situation borders on surreal, but the two of them get along well enough once the initial tension wears off.

Yuuma — Ruki

• The shock of seeing one of his brothers again hits Yuuma hard, and as a result, he turns immediately, viciously protective. You've always been perfectly kind to him, sure, but that doesn't stop the instinct to keep his family safe from everything. It's an incredible relief to know that Ruki is alright, and even more of one that they'll be able to share a peaceful home without their former struggles.

• He's equally shocked to see part of his family again, and every bit as relieved. Ruki is still in a state of doubting your intentions (and if you're truly as kind as you seem), but Yuuma's obvious trust in you makes it a little easier to adjust. Even though he can't stop thinking about the two that are still missing, what he already has is a blessing beyond anything he would have hoped for.

Ruki — Kou

• Seeing Kou again is both a terrible shock and the most palpable relief Ruki has felt in years. His brother is in about the state he would have expected, but he might actually be safe now. You've always treated him well, at least, and Ruki wants to have hope that Kou will receive just as much kindness from you. And of course, he's forever grateful to you for letting Kou stay.

• Kou wasn't expecting to be safe in your home either, but seeing Ruki nearly shocks him out of his fears. He can't believe that this kind of luck is happening to him— and especially not that Ruki legitimately seems comfortable and happy with you. His brother's presence does a lot to help Kou start to trust you, and he adjusts much faster with someone around that he already feels safe with.

[miguelmeiai]

Life is Strange 2 - What if Esteban hadn't died? - Part V - EPISODE 1 FINISHED

Sean wakes up after a horrible nightmare. His dad also wakes up to him and Daniel screaming.

— Calm down, my boys. ¿Qué pasó?

Daniel can't stop crying.

— What happened, enano?

— Sean, I dreamed of our dad being killed in front of us. And then we had to escape from the police. It was so horrible.

Daniel hiccups from all the crying. Sean hugs him.

— This is weird, ‘cause I had the same nightmare.

— You can calm down now and rest assured that papito is still here, alive, perfectly fine, and healthy.

Daniel calms down and stops crying. With the warm hug from Esteban and Sean, he slowly falls asleep again.

— I guess he's calmer now.

— Yeah, I think so, hijo.

— Dad, isn't it weird that Daniel and I had the same dream?

— It seems like you're traumatized. I get you. It wasn't easy when I immigrated to the US. People used to treat me as if I were a bad person or a thief.

— And how did you handle all that?

— I just didn't care. Bad people are everywhere.

— Sometimes they live very near to us. Like our asshole neighbor, for example. By the way, dad, Can you tell me more about why you're so obsessed with Puerto Lobos?

— Well… you know, Sean, it's my hometown. Besides, despite the lack of good job opportunities, it provides us with freedom. Something I as an immigrant will never find in the US.

— I get you, dad. Will you ever take us there?

— One day, hijo, one day.

— Anyway, Sean, since you’re older now and probably feeling attracted to other people already and having quite a few crushes here and there, I think it's about time we talk about “that stuff”.

— Come on, dad!

— It's important that we talk about this — Esteban insists, with a strong Mexican accent.

— Dad...

— Don't be ashamed to ask me anything you might not know. I know you might know a lot of stuff, but...

— Dad, what's the point of this conversation?

— I just want you to know that sexuality is a broad spectrum. But I want you to be aware that I'll always love you, hijo, no matter who you end up falling in love with.

—I'm completely lost, dad. Can we change the topic?

— Oh, you're not ready to talk about this with me. Okay, no pressure. Oh, yeah, I want to know one thing… What about that Jenn, hijo?

— Well… I didn't go to the party, so… yeah, I missed my chance to impress her and maybe kiss her. But at least I could spend some time with you and Daniel in the woods. It was quite fun.

— What about Lyla then? You two are so close.

— Well, ehm… we are only friends… I guess…

— Then why are you so nervous?

— Dad, come on…

— Okay, Sean. I’ll leave you alone. It seems you don't want to talk to dad today. You prefer to keep hiding things from me and leave it all up to me to guess everything, huh? Okay, no problem.

─ What do you mean? I...

─ Well...

They go back to sleep. The next morning, they play hide and seek beside the river after eating breakfast. Esteban is the winner, and the boys had a hard time finding him. They finally go back to the road. Esteban plans to stay a bit in Arcadia Bay before returning to Seattle.

After a whole day of driving around, Esteban stops at Otter Point. Sean looks at Daniel, and he is in the backseat sleeping while hugging his dog.

— Daniel being Daniel.

Esteban sneezes.

— I think I will get out of the car to breathe some fresh air.

He gets out and stares at the city from the Otter Point. Sean does the same.

— Are you okay, dad?

— Yeah. I’m just… thinking about some things.

— Things like?

— Nevermind, Sean.

— Are you thinking about my mom?

Esteban sighs.

— Sometimes I still think about her, it’s inevitable. Sometimes I think about what I could’ve done differently.

— Dad, you did nothing wrong. It was all her fault. She was the one who abandoned her own family.

Esteban turns his back and goes back to his car. Sean does the same.

— You’ll get a driver's license soon, hijo.

A few kilometers ahead, he stops at a roadside motel. They unpack their things in their room.

— Great, my boys. Now I’m going to take a shower. I will come back in a few minutes. And, please, don’t fight!

— We won’t, I promise — Daniel promises.

Esteban hugs him.

— I know you can be a good kid, Daniel.

He looks at Sean.

— Please look after him until I come back.

Sean rolls his eyes because he finds caring for his little brother boring. Esteban goes to the bathroom to heat up the water. Daniel picks up the remote control and turns the TV on.

— Can you watch this episode with me, Sean? Please?

— Nah.

— Why?

— I have seen it a thousand times already.

— When did you become so boring?

— I’m not boring, it’s just… I’ve grown older, I’m not a kid anymore.

Daniel starts getting mad.

— Besides, I wanna call Lyla right now. I miss her. We can watch it later. There are some things I have to tell her and…

— I want to do it now!!! — Daniel screams, furiously, after his brother refuses to give him attention.

The lights oscillate, a strong wind torrent enters the room through the window, and objects begin floating and being thrown at Sean. Sean is scared and Esteban rushes to see what is happening.

— What’s happening here?! — Esteban asks.

Sean hugs Daniel.

— Calm down, Daniel…

Daniel slowly calms down and everything goes back to normal. He is also scared himself.

— What… happened…

— Woah… you have powers? — Esteban is surprised.

— Am I a monster? — Daniel asks, about to cry.

— It was a bit unexpected, but… no, hijo, you aren’t a monster.

— I think it’s better if no one else finds out about this — Sean suggests. — At least for now…

— I just don’t understand… what could’ve triggered it?

They are all shocked by what happened.

END OF EPISODE 1 - “BROTHERS”

I will probably write fanfics about the other LIS 2 episodes as well if I get enough support and see that people are enjoying what I wrote. Please like it and comment if you enjoyed this fanfic.

[theangryjikooker]

Hello, TAJ! I remember quite a few months back you talked about the marketability of the members in the US market and how the majority are not desirable for investors to pursue. (I might be flavoring the sentence since I couldn't find the original post.)

Has Chapter 2 shaped up like you expected after that post? Do you think each remains the same in investor's eyes? *Outside of JK, is there any member you see as a far second?

*Not a JK stan.

Are you trying to get me in trouble? 😀 Lmao, kidding.

I recall that post, and to clarify, the question of marketability–specifically about Jungkook–was conveyed by execs through passive conversation, one not even brought up by the CEO of my company. I merely relayed that information, and some solos got their feelings hurt and lashed out.

I can't speak for other companies, but the label I work under is a host to Grammy-winning artists, and the CEO doesn't care about BTS that much from what I've been able to glean (not because they haven't won a Grammy; I merely bring up the distinction because the execs here have reaped rewards through the artists they already have signed). His stance on BTS is actually quite similar to others in his position when it comes to this influx of Kpop artists in the western space (i.e., a mocked trend but understanding it's profitable enough to exploit). The prevailing sentiment is that BGs/GGs don't have longevity; at some point, it's inevitable that they'll choose to prioritize individual career paths. They may maintain group activities in the background, but it's not as practical as investing in the individual who has the perceived mass appeal** and has that "western" flavor. TL;DR they want another Bieber, but that's the long game.

**Before some of you get your underpants wadded up, of course all the members have mass appeal. But stop conflating what you think is mass appeal with the definition that corporate has of mass appeal.**

Regarding BGs/GGs not lasting, that's where I do see where they're coming from. Yet, this is the first time we've seen a group of this magnitude smash records left and right; they might be the first BG to persist even past their so-called golden years. Labels can't talk about history that's still to be made.

Ch. 2 did turn out as much as I expected, personally speaking, but I'm not entirely convinced I saw all the members' (sans Jin) true potential outside of YG and NJ, primarily because of the time constraints. The only reason I think YG and NJ nailed what they meant to accomplish is because they're basically veterans at what they do, whereas the others just got a taste of what they could do with their own creations.

I will say, controversially, that I was mildly disappointed by the maknae line's output. Save for a few songs from TH, JK, and JM's respective albums, I wasn't a huge fan of what they delivered, but that's more a matter of personal taste. This isn't a commentary on how well they did because they all did well, but I was fervently for the hyung line's albums by the end of it.

But as far as what I heard in professional spaces? JK and YG's names came up often enough when JK was doing promotions and while YG was touring, but only for those already keeping tabs on them. My company was not one of them. JK is still, however, the one many people are eyeballing (e.g., some artists under our label have expressed an interest in collaborating with him, or so I've heard).

For me, I can think of a member who could pique execs' interest, but to be very frank, what I have to say about it would anger people. It would only anger people because the context does poke at things people are intensely sensitive to. People have proven on this website that they're not mature enough for that discussion, so I'm not going to dive into that. Aside from him, it'd be HS for me.

I do think a few of the members could catch any exec's attention for that idealized Bieber phenom they want, but having worked here for a while now, I can tell you that they would probably need to lean into things a bit that would mask, if not strip, them of what made them so special.** (My friend works for RCA, and we talk about what's happening with Lisa all the time).

**They're all special, yes, and they always will be. That's not what I mean. It's hard to explain the nuance of this if you aren't already exposed to what it is I'm talking about.**

Anyway, I think this sums it up. I won't/can't get any more specific. You should take all of this with a grain of salt; to you, this is merely opinion and hearsay.

[who-is-muses]

[ ask moved from prior blog] anonymous | Dirty A-Z headcanon game

For Edwin and Thoth: W-H-O-R-E .v.

[ It's vital to me that you know Winnie yelled "YES I AM" upon reading this djdjdks ]

W - Water (pool sex? bath / shower sex? are they into watersports at all?)

Edwin: yes, yes, 1,000 times YES to sex in or on water. In the shower, in a pool/bath, a lake, river, ocean, on a boat- He can't exactly put his finger on just why he loves sex in water so much, though he's always just loved being in and around water in general. Watersports, however, are a hard no.

Thoth: while he may enjoy a romantic shower after sex or some heavy petting in a bath, he's mostly apathetic towards the concept. Anything involving bodily waste- or food, for that matter- in the bedroom, however, are very high on his Absolutely Not list.

H - Humiliation (does degradation and insults get them hot? do they get off on humiliating someone else? what kind of humiliation is good for them?) 

Edwin: he does take some degree of pleasure in being teased and being figuratively above someone in the moment, straught up humiliation and serious degradation is a good way to make him stop everything. He does not want to be made to feel less than during something he's supposed to be enjoying, and even if he knows it's just a scene the harsh words will inevitably seep into his mind and injure his deceptively fragile self esteem.

Thoth: you want to know if the Beautiful Moon, the Venerable Power, the Splendid Ibis, the Great Magician, He Who Knows All enjoys degrading others? Does humanity bleed red? He absolutely enjoys being in control in the bedroom, commanding his partner's actions and demanding their submission, making them do the majority of work while he basks in the pleasure- But, while he may deny it, he also enjoys being put in his place, manhandled and dominated.

O - Outdoor sex (have they ever done it in public? would they? where?)

Edwin: he has, and he'll do it again!!! In fact, his very first sexual encounter was outdoors, after skinny dipping in a river.

Thoth: in theory, he would not enjoy it. While he's by no means a vanilla prude, Thoth is still rather private about his sex life despite sleeping with a good quarter of the royal family, and does not like the idea of someone watching him- much less a whole crowd. But, he might just enjoy a secret tryst in semi-public, well hidden from sight but still risking being discovered.

R - Routine (do they have a routine when it comes to picking up one night stands? do they have scheduled sex with their partner? are things spontaneous or planned ahead of time?) 

Edwin: he's more on the impulsive addicted spontaneous side of things. If he's single at the moment and feels a need to fuck right now, he as no qualms about hiring a prostitute. In a relationship, he's liable to throw himself at his partner when he's in the mood, making it very obvious what he wants.

Thoth: more often than not, partners come to him. He's more inclined to simply take care of himself when the feeling arises rather than go through the trouble of seducing someone. But Thoth is also fairly promiscuous, and when someone seeks him out- as long as he doesn't actively hate them- he's usually willing.

E - Extra info (any other fetishes? feet? leather? role playing? blood? fantasies that they might want to experience not on this list?)

Edwin: he has. So Many kinks and fetishes it's ridiculous. Monsterfucking is only one of them, but a big one.

Thoth: WAX PLAY. Especially with blue, gold, and/or silver wax.

[once-was-muses]

anonymous | Dirty A-Z headcanon game

For Edwin and Thoth: W-H-O-R-E .v.

[ It's vital to me that you know Winnie yelled "YES I AM" upon reading this djdjdks ]

W - Water (pool sex? bath / shower sex? are they into watersports at all?)

Edwin: yes, yes, 1,000 times YES to sex in or on water. In the shower, in a pool/bath, a lake, river, ocean, on a boat- He can't exactly put his finger on just why he loves sex in water so much, though he's always just loved being in and around water in general. Watersports, however, are a hard no.

Thoth: while he may enjoy a romantic shower after sex or some heavy petting in a bath, he's mostly apathetic towards the concept. Anything involving bodily waste- or food, for that matter- in the bedroom, however, are very high on his Absolutely Not list.

H - Humiliation (does degradation and insults get them hot? do they get off on humiliating someone else? what kind of humiliation is good for them?) 

Edwin: he does take some degree of pleasure in being teased and being figuratively above someone in the moment, straught up humiliation and serious degradation is a good way to make him stop everything. He does not want to be made to feel less than during something he's supposed to be enjoying, and even if he knows it's just a scene the harsh words will inevitably seep into his mind and injure his deceptively fragile self esteem.

Thoth: you want to know if the Beautiful Moon, the Venerable Power, the Splendid Ibis, the Great Magician, He Who Knows All enjoys degrading others? Does humanity bleed red? He absolutely enjoys being in control in the bedroom, commanding his partner's actions and demanding their submission, making them do the majority of work while he basks in the pleasure- But, while he may deny it, he also enjoys being put in his place, manhandled and dominated.

O - Outdoor sex (have they ever done it in public? would they? where?)

Edwin: he has, and he'll do it again!!! In fact, his very first sexual encounter was outdoors, after skinny dipping in a river.

Thoth: in theory, he would not enjoy it. While he's by no means a vanilla prude, Thoth is still rather private about his sex life despite sleeping with a good quarter of the royal family, and does not like the idea of someone watching him- much less a whole crowd. But, he might just enjoy a secret tryst in semi-public, well hidden from sight but still risking being discovered.

R - Routine (do they have a routine when it comes to picking up one night stands? do they have scheduled sex with their partner? are things spontaneous or planned ahead of time?) 

Edwin: he's more on the impulsive addicted spontaneous side of things. If he's single at the moment and feels a need to fuck right now, he as no qualms about hiring a prostitute. In a relationship, he's liable to throw himself at his partner when he's in the mood, making it very obvious what he wants.

Thoth: more often than not, partners come to him. He's more inclined to simply take care of himself when the feeling arises rather than go through the trouble of seducing someone. But Thoth is also fairly promiscuous, and when someone seeks him out- as long as he doesn't actively hate them- he's usually willing.

E - Extra info (any other fetishes? feet? leather? role playing? blood? fantasies that they might want to experience not on this list?)

Edwin: he has. So Many kinks and fetishes it's ridiculous. Monsterfucking is only one of them, but a big one.

Thoth: WAX PLAY. Especially with blue, gold, and/or silver wax.

[beels-burger-babe]

Beelzebub's Very Bad No Good Day

***So this is the new format in which I'll be answering requests. In my experience, actual posts get spread further than asks do, so this will hopefully help with that. ANYWAY, I am crazy excited about this request as a major Beel simp and YES I will proudly do this request! Thank you @sinnoman for blessing me with it. -B*** Summary: Beel doesn't get anything to eat one day, and it doesn't go well for anybody.

From the moment Beelzebub woke up, he knew that today was going to be a terrible day. For starters, he had apparently raided the fridge in his sleep the night before, so there was not a crumb left in the house for anyone to make breakfast with. Most of the others had gone and grabbed something from Hell's Kitchen on their way to class, but poor Beel had slept through his alarm due to the food coma his nighttime snack had put him in and had to rush to RAD. The entire school was talking about the monster that they believed had awoken beneath the school. Teachers were on edge ready to evacuate the premises for the earthquake they believed to be happening. Beel avoided eye contact, blushing as his empty stomach continued to rumble and roar throughout the day. He ended up eating a few pencils just to get it to quiet down and even that didn't have much effect. The Avatar of Gluttony nearly cried tears of relief when the lunch bell rang. But it seemed that fate was not his friend that day. He was going to order a gargantuan-sized Little Devil mango slushy, a side of Hellfire curry rice, fried shadow bat, and 108 seed salad and the main course of at least twenty shadow hog burgers with three servings of caramel shadow tart for dessert. Beel was drooling at just the thought of it. He was almost at the ordering station when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Beel growled and turned around, baring his teeth at whoever dared to disturb him.

Belphegor narrowed his eyebrows in concern. "Woah. Beel, relax. It's just me. We've got a student council meeting, and Lucifer has threatened to take away supper from whoever skips out." Beelzebub scoffed as the air around him darkened at the mention of someone taking food away from him. "I'd like to see him try." Belphie raised an eyebrow at his twin's uncharacteristically grumpy behaviour. "Are you alright, Beel?" As though to answer his question, Beel's stomach let out another loud roar, causing several students to flinch and Beel to scowl in frustration. "I'm hungry." Belphie's frown deepened. Beel was always hungry, but he didn't usually let it get to him like this. The younger twin rifled through his own bag before pulling out an obviously full paper bag. "You can have my lunch if you want. I ate a little bit of it during class and swiped a bagel from Mammon during the first period, so I'm not all that-" Before he could finish Beel ripped the bag out of Belphie's hands and devoured it, bag and all. Belphie blinked at his now empty hand and chuckled as Beel chewed. "Man, you must be starving huh?"

Beelzebub merely grunted and continued to chew before swallowing down the small meal. He glanced back at the lineup in the cafeteria and put a hand on his stomach as he thought about the lunch he should be enjoying. Belphie nudged him. "Come on, big guy. We got to get to that meeting. The sooner we get it over with, the more likely it is that we'll end early and you might be able to grab something before class starts again." Only the meeting was not short and quick like Belphie had said it might be. Diavolo wanted everyone to come up with an idea for a school fundraiser, and Lucifer was arguing with Asmodeus on what was and was not appropriate. To make matters worse, you were unable to attend as, according to Mammon, your charms professor had asked you to stay behind afterwards to discuss your progress in the class. The bickering on top of the lack of food in his stomach was giving Beel a migraine and the longer he sat there, the more irritable he had become. Eventually, it became too much and he snapped. "ENOUGH!" he bellowed, flipping the table as he stood. "No one cares about the stupid fundraiser anyway and you're just wasting all of our time arguing over something that will inevitably fall apart and cause an even bigger mess, just like it always does!" "Beelzebub! Watch your tone in front of-" "Shut it, Lucifer!" his brother's gaped at him in shock as he snarled at their elder. "I am sick and tired of you pushing us all around and punishing us when the slightest thing goes wrong just because you-" Beel poked Lucifer's chest hard enough to make him take a step back, "won't take responsibility for your own mistakes!" "Oh shit," Mammon whispered under his breath, as Lucifer's eyes narrowed and his body tensed in defence. The second-born quickly squeezed his way between the two of them and spread his arms to try and create some distance. "Okay! Tensions are high. People are upset. But this is not the place to brawl it out." he glanced over at Lucifer who looked like he was a second away from stringing him up to the ceiling. "Might I remind ya Lord Diavolo is still in the room?" Lucifer looked over at Diavolo, who appeared to be both hurt and concerned by Beelzebub's words, before sighing and fixing his composure. He gave Beel a hard look. "Obviously something is upsetting you, but we can discuss this at home. For the time being, I recommend you work on calming yourself and clearing your head." Beel just growled at him before stomping out of the student council room. He had been about to re-enter the cafeteria again when the bell rang signalling the end of lunch hour. Beelzebub felt his eye twitch before his demon form burst into existence. He let out a deafening scream as he grabbed a table and threw it across the room (students still seated on it, included). Students were yelling and scrambling like mice as the large demon rampaged through the halls. He tore the locked grate off of the serving station and grabbed the nearest server by the scruff of the collar, causing them to squeak in fear. "I'm hungry," Beel rumbled lowly as the demon trembled in his hands. "Get me something to eat now or I will not hesitate to eat you." "R-R-Right away, Beelzeb-b-bub." Beel carelessly dropped the demon, who scattered off to gather as much food as they could. He began pacing like a caged animal. Having been alerted by all the noise, his brothers and Diavolo rushed into the nearly destroyed cafeteria. Diavolo's jaw dropped. "Beelzebub, what's the meaning of all this?" Beel's famished brain didn't acknowledge Diavolo as an authority at the moment. Instead, he was yet another person trying to keep him from eating. "I need food. NOW!" Lucifer's eyes widened in realization as he whispered something to Diavolo. The prince nodded and took a step back. "I'm sure the cooks are doing all they can to get you food right away. But I need you to control yourself before I am forced to take action." Satan had his phone out and was urgently texting someone, as Belphie moved forward.

"You'll get your food shortly Beel. You just need to wai-" "I don't want to wait!!" There was a part of Beelzebub's brain that was aware he was acting like a child. But his stomach physically hurt from how empty it was. He was tired. He was starving. He didn't have the patience for pleasantries. "I've barely eaten anything all day, and people keep staring and talking about me because my stomach just will not stop growling and I'm so hungry that I can barely think straight! I hate it! But I know it won't go away unless I eat, so I NEED TO EAT!" The brothers looked at Beel in shock. They knew that he ate a lot, but they always passed it off as just another quirk that made him Beel. They didn't know it bothered him like this. They thought back on all the instances where Beel had stated that he was hungry out of nowhere, always with a distressed look on his face. Every single time they had brushed him off. Before any of them could respond, you casually walked into the war zone that was the cafeteria. "Alright Satan, what's so urgent that you needed me so badly?" The room fell quiet as everyone's attention snapped over to you and you took in the situation. It didn't take long for you to connect the dots.

You immediately began to rush over to Beelzebub; Mammon stepped forward to stop you. "Woah, MC! I don't think that's a good idea right now!"

You ignored him and continued to make your way to Beel. Seeing you, the small human that you were, made Beel realize just how reckless he had been acting. He held out his hands to stop you and took a step away. "You should listen to Mammon, MC. I-I haven't eaten all day and I-" "You haven't eaten all day?! Oh god, this is worst than I thought." Beel watched as you slid the oversized backpack that he had seen you carry around RAD with you every day off your back and begin to dump out the contents. In a second, dozens of bags of chips, candy, fruits, and other snacks spilled across the floor in front of the two of you. Beel didn't waste a single moment. He instantly began consuming the snacks, causing you to smile happily. "Wha-What?! MC?! Why the hell do you have that much food on ya?!" Mammon sputtered as he cautiously began to approach you. You shrugged. "Beel gets upset when he's hungry, and I don't like it when he's upset. So I stocked up on some of his favourite snacks a while back and always keep them on me just in case," Beel paused his eating to look up at you in awe, "He can't help that he's always hungry. It's not like he asked to be the Avatar of Gluttony." Suddenly there were a pair of arms wrapped around your waist. Lucifer, Levi, and Mammon called out your name as Beel pulled you tightly against his chest. You just grinned and hugged the friendly giant back. "Thank you," he whispered softly into your hair, his arms tightening around you just a little more. "There's nothing to thank me for." As Beel finally began to calm down, the cooks came out with platters of food and shakily laid them out around you and Beel before taking cover back into the kitchen. Seeing that the threat had passed, the other brothers began to approach as well. "You know Beel, I didn't know you had that much pent-up anger inside of you. It was terrifying!" Asmodeus chirped as he plopped down beside the two of you.

"Yeah! You were just like the antagonist in My Boyfriend Turned Into a Cannabilistic Rage Monster, And Now I Have to Stop Him From Devouring The Whole City!!!" Levi began to ramble about specific scenes from the show that matched perfectly with Beel's rampage, causing Beel to blush as he munched on a burger. Belphie sighed and elbowed Beel as he took his seat at his side. "We'll have to make sure that MC's always around you. Just in case you know?" he smiled softly, before looking at his twin with a more serious expression. "You should've told me about all that stuff you said earlier. I had no idea you felt that away about your appetite." Beel looked away uncomfortably as he took another bite of his food and avoided the question. You snuggled closer to him, to provide him with some comfort. Satan tapped his chin as he watched the group. "I'm sure we could talk with Barbatos and come up with some sort of high-protein shake or bar that would better satisfy you. That way you wouldn't have to eat as much." Lucifer glanced over at Diavolo, silently asking if it was a possibility. The prince smiled warmly. "I'll have Barabatos begin working on something right away." Forgetting all about class and the anger that had previously consumed him, Beel looked around at his family. A warm feeling blossomed in his stomach as he felt content with the rare care and affection that they were openly showing. Maybe it had something to do with the thirty burgers he had already ate, but for just a second, Beel didn't feel so hungry anymore. ***Boy that got a little angsty there for a second, but I hope this was to your liking @sinnoman! I definitely enjoyed writing this one, and I think it made me fall in love with my boy Beel even more 🥰*** TAGLIST: @vampwiire @bunna-does-stuff

[cinnamonest]

Kaeya Alberich - Yandere Profile

YES I love my eyepatch boy!! I really like him as a yandere, because he's definitely got several traits and behaviors that would make him a very unconventional/different yet absolutely terrifying one to have. Him or Diluc as your yandere is basically like playing a game on maximum difficulty. He's so arrogant dammit why does he have to make it hot

More importantly, someone take the ability to write n/sfw away from me I s2g... I go from trying to make serious content to nasty weird kinks and completely feral in .002 seconds the moment I add that readmore

tws: gaslighting, manipulation, yandere, mentions of mutilation

tws (below cut): noncon, a good deal of sadism, mentions of an*l

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What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

He's actually one of the worst yanderes you could have in almost every regard, for two very simple reasons: his crippling psychological issues, and his intense selfishness. The first manifests as severe abandonment issues. It's the origin of his unhealthy feelings, most likely. Kaeya doesn't like the instability of people - based on his backstory, people always leave, or die, and even if they don't intend to, somehow it feels like abandonment, and he resents it. People leave him all alone and afraid and uncertain. That's generally all he knows, and despite the smug exterior, he's actually pushed people away quite a bit, keeps everyone at arm's length to ensure they can't become someone too important for him to accept their sudden absence. He can't care about someone, because that someone is fated to inevitably leave him, no matter who it may be.

That's why, once you manage to worm your way into his feelings and heart despite his best efforts, once he finally caves to acknowledging the feeling, he's aware. Painfully aware, because be can't stop worrying every waking moment about you, your well-being, your location. It reaches a point where he can't go about his job because he's simply too consumed with his worry.

The solution that kept him safest in the past was to avoid developing emotional attachments, but when he does, he's terrified of both your safety AND you intentionally abandoning him. Really, the latter would hurt worse, since he can't fault you for dying, but to abandon him? It would break him.

And, to some extent, he's developed a lot of  prideful anger about it, deep, deep down. He feels that he doesn't deserve to be abandoned, doesn't deserve to just be left behind under the guise of some greater purpose, and he'll be damned if he just lets you toss him aside like he feels others did. Even if you reject him, he won't accept it. You don't get to reject him. He won't allow that. What has he ever done to deserve everything that's happened to him? Nothing. You're the one person who has stayed with him, and you're going to continue to be with him. Forever.

That being said, he's still somewhat confident because he's got that arrogance about him. He doesn't perceive rejection, because he's always gotten a lot of attention for his looks, even if he's never actually followed through on anyone else's attention out of those same fears. He'll write off any perceived rejection as being for some other reason, something besides an actual rejection, and he'll seek to eliminate whatever he feels is keeping you from just accepting him.

Honestly, one of the most likely to have a full blown, classic-yandere-style psychotic breakdown. He can be driven to a snapping point, if there's enough stress or obstacles, and in case of that, he'll be a lot more willing to kill, and a lot more willing to hurt you, but it's a point that would still take a lot to reach.

But what's really terrifying about Kaeya is his delusions, primarily his ability to mentally justify everything he does without hesitation. Even most delusional yanderes struggle - they feel like it's wrong, they know it is deep down, and they take time to convince themselves of their delusions, tell themselves it's ok over and over, beg for reassurance, and get defensive when called out because they know they're in the wrong. The same isn't true for Kaeya. He automatically justifies his actions by default, and has absolutely zero doubt or hesitation to do so. He doesn't even need a complex reason for justification - it's a simple one. He deserves what he wants. Anything necessary to achieve that is fair.

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

Highly likely and very quickly, right up there with Diluc and Razor. And he's absolutely remorseless about it. It ties back into his delusional state and ability to justify anything he does - this is what's best for you. If you don't get that, that's your problem, not his.

He's another one to not want to pull some barbaric move like knocking you out, rather, he'd rather just trick you into walking right into your new home. He gets that you'll be upset about it, but to him, that's just part of the process. Not that he'll tolerate it for too long. 12, maybe 24 hours is enough time for you to reasonably be upset, but if you're still trying to fight him on this after that, he's going to get snappy about it, thinking you should already be over that by now.

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape? 

You're not leaving.

It's not worth trying, really. How he manages to do it is a mystery to you, but he'll manage to keep you locked in right there at the headquarters with him. How Jean and Lisa haven't found out about you being there, how he convinced all of his guards to be on his side of things, you have no idea. Realistically, if you get out, he's likely to make you out to be some kind of criminal that needs to be found -- just not to hurt you in any way, so goes the order, and the knights know better than to question why.

He has eyes and ears everywhere, it won't take them anytime at all to find you. He's so confident in that, and combined with his pride, he doesn't feel the need to go get you himself. No, it's a lot more satisfying to sit back and watch as they drag you through the doors of the headquarters, slowly pull you to the end of the room and drop you down at his feet, where he can look down on you with that closed-eyed, artificially wide smile that tells you that you have seriously fucked up.

Escape attempts aren't going to be met with a single shred of mercy, really. The thing about Kaeya is he's ultimately a selfish, selfish bastard with a lot of deep-seeded, highly repressed emotional issues, and he has absolutely no problem with keeping you bound hand and foot, or maybe even make some permanent modifications to your body if that's what it takes to keep you. It's not a wise idea to even try unless you're absolutely certain to succeed, otherwise you may find yourself never getting the opportunity again. You don't really need those Achilles tendons intact, you know. And your ankle bones are just so fragile, they'll snap with just a little twist. Actually, that wouldn't be too bad, giving you more reasons to be grateful when he's doing everything for you.

He's not one to just let it go, either. No, escape attempts are the one unforgivable thing for him, the one thing that will make him totally and completely snap. You don't get to do that. You're the one thing that doesn't get to just disappear out of his life in a flash. Half the reason he sends the knights to get you rather than going himself is to give him some time to let the rage settle down, otherwise he knows he might not be able to control himself and might end up hurting you even worse than he intends to. He's not going to buy any excuses and won't go any lighter on you if you beg and grovel or anything. But you will apologize -- you get to choose how hard it is. You can apologize the easy way, or, if you don't want to, there are many ways to force it out. But by the end, he'll get an apology, and a promise to never try again, out of you, no matter what that takes. It's by far the worst state you'll ever see him in, and really, once is enough to dissuade you from trying again.

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

You'd have to try pretty hard. He doesn't have the sheer amount of years of life experience like Venti or Zhongli, but he's not the captain for no reason - he's perceptive, and highly intelligent.

Rather than simply mastering reading human voice and facial expressions for telltale signs of deceit, he's good at learning individuals in particular - memorizing the patterns of thought and action of a particular individual, and predicting how they will act. He can do it with everyone else with ease, how much more, then, with the object of an obsession? If you're trying to formulate some plan to trick him, he'll already predict what you'll do, if you lie, he already knows. It's creepier than the others, really, because it's not just that he can tell when you're lying, but rather he already knows you're going to lie or try some scheme before you do it. It feels so tailored and personalized to your thought patterns, it almost feels like an invasion of the privacy of your mind, which, really, is the one privacy you thought you had left.

He's great at gaslighting himself, too. He's a very good liar, and can make you believe anything he wants. He'll target your fears and paranoias, make you believe you're going crazy, and he'll do it all so perfectly you'll never suspect a thing. You'll end up coming to him for protection and guidance, exactly as planned.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

Pretty strict. He doesn't let you have any outside contact, and you're limited on what you can do when he's gone. He'll bring you some books, maybe something to draw on -- no sharp writing utensils, though. In his mind, that should be enough to occupy you.

You won't get outside walks or visits. It's just too risky for him, and he really doesn't like seeing other people look at you. If you really, really beg, and you've been on amazing behavior, and you're well into your relationship, maybe a few months or so, there's a chance he'll take you out at nighttime, or sunrise, but at the slightest sign of intentions he doesn't like, you'll be dragged back, and you won't see the sun for a long time.

You'll have a very limited wardrobe, he doesn't see why you even need to wear anything, but if you're going to be stubborn, he can get you something simple, like an old shirt and some underwear, but that's about all you can have. Any requests for actual clothing are going to be denied. It's ridiculous for him to spend money on something you don't need, and besides, he prefers it this way, y'know?

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

Generally, it's a simple one: obey. You do what he tells you to do, and you don't do something if he tells you not to. This stems to similar rules that develop: be submissive, don't be argumentative, don't be defiant. Follow those, and you can both be happy, and that's what you want, isn't it? It had better be - he's not very lenient, and will harshly punish even small offenses. As for that punishment... most of it isn't going to be sfw. That's just how he is.

What he will do is emotionally manipulate you, and he's rather good at it. You wanted to escape? Ok. He'll let you have your way, let you be alone. All alone. All by yourself, in a little room, with no one at all, which is exactly how you would have left him, had you succeeded. He knows very well how that kind of loneliness bites. He's not totally cruel, though, and he won't withhold affection from you by the time he returns -- he doesn't need to, you'll already be crying and apologizing, which is exactly what he hoped for. Not that he won't briefly mock you for it.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're crying like that because you actually missed me. Oh, you did? Being all alone isn't particularly fun, now is it? I'm sure you understand that now."

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

Kaeya's an insanely jealous person. It doesn't show on his face, but it eats at him internally. It doesn't matter if it's a love interest, a platonic friend, even a family member. It's all the same -- people who want to take your attention away from him, people who you smile at that aren't him, people you love that aren't him. He's not one to delude himself into thinking everyone secretly loves you romantically, rather, it doesn't matter. Romantic interests are the worst threat, sure, but friends and family aren't much better.

He sees himself as above killing, though. He has people to do that for him, and he likes knowing that he has that much power. He's not going to dirty his hands with it, and frankly, they're not even worthy of his time and effort to kill them. Knights and other connections can take care of it just as well.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

As somewhat previously discussed, the primary form of making him mad is attempting an escape. That's on a whole new level of anger because it strikes at a very deep, wounding insecurity. On a normal day, though, he's more easily exasperated than angry. He gets frustrated somewhat easily, especially if you're trying exceptionally hard to be a brat. He has very clear warning signs. His signature little smirk drops, he gets quiet, he balls his hands into fists and digs his fingernails into his palms. At that stage, he's irritable and might snap at you, but won't get too angry until you ignore those signs and push it.

If you do push him, though, he gets genuinely mad, which is a very quiet anger at first -- he doesn't talk much when he's mad. He acts. You'll know he's snapped when he puts down whatever he's doing, and just silently stomps over to you, face completely empty and flat, looking down at you with a cold expression. It's enough to put fear in you, but at that point, even if you apologize, you're not getting out of whatever he's planned.

So they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

Strongly in the "below" camp, a rather unusual stance for a yandere. Like many things with him, there's an inexplicable duality going on there.  You would think that if you loved someone so strongly you'd kidnap them, kill for them, and potentially suffer consequences just to have them, that you would really think highly of them. On the flip side, you would think that if you really saw someone as lowly, you wouldn't care for them, you'd see them as disposable.

But neither is true for Kaeya, no, he balances both obsessive love and complete narcissism regarding you. You're not disposable, no, he can't live without you, he needs you. But at the same time, you're not gonna be on any kind of pedestal. No, if anything, he sees himself on one, more like a throne, and you on the floor before him, how things should be.

He has a similar mindset to Zhongli or Albedo - you're fragile, you're dumb, you're incapable, and you need someone to care for you, protect you, guide you, someone who knows what's best for you, since you clearly don't. However, he's lacking in the attitude those other two have -- there's no seeing you as an angel here. There's no viewing himself as being absolutely honored to take care of you, or viewing protecting and caring for you as some kind of privilege that they're blessed to do, the way those two do.

No, as much as he loves those things, he'll never admit it, not even to himself really. Rather, his mentality is that you should be grateful. Here he is, a very highly respected, accomplished, capable person, and you...? You have what to offer, exactly? That's right, nothing, really, only cuteness and obedience, the latter of which you refuse to give him even though you really ought to. He's taking on the burden of making sure you don't get yourself killed, and how do you repay him? By getting mad about it, throwing a fit like some little kid? He puts up with your tantrums, which are really undeserved, by the way. He puts up with your disobedience and repeated rule violations, your sheer determination to defy him when he's going out of his way to do what's best for you.

One day, he thinks, you'll mature a little bit and understand why he does what he does, and when you do, you'll come groveling and sniffling about how sorry you are, how you'll never defy him again, how you'll be good and obedient from now on, and he'll love every second of it. He looks forward to that day quite a bit.

"Sigh... you know, you're pretty lucky I love you so much. You could stand to show me a little thanks, don't you think?"

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

He's strongly determined, and yet... doesn't do much to try. It goes back to his mindset that really, you're the one who should be grateful for him, and eventually, you will love him. He's not gonna grovel to you or try different ways of making you love him, no, he's far too proud for that. But he's a smart man. He knows the effects that complete and total isolation other than one other person can have on someone. He's just going to sit back and wait for that effect to kick in, and slowly watch your fragile little mind deteriorate until you're desperate for affection. At which point, well, he can use it against you.

"You were so mean to me before, weren't you? You fought me every step of the way, and now you're just going to turn around and act like that didn't happen...? Well, if you're really sorry, I'll forgive you. But how am I supposed to believe you really are...? Maybe you can think of a way to prove it, hm?"

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

Probably the severity of his degradation. As aforementioned, most yanderes, even the more confident or cocky individuals, either worship the ground their beloved walks on and sees themselves as beneath them, OR sees their darling as some sort of fragile, angelic being, and they are simply a protector or caretaker to that being.

It's a bit different with him, ever the narcissist. It's a strange duality born out of a rare mix of neediness, obsession, and pride. You're more like a toy, or a pet - an invaluable pet that he could never part with, but a pet nonetheless. He certainly looks down on you more than the average yandere - he mentally associates you as naive, fragile, even dumb like a lot of the aforementioned protector/caretaker types, but without the reverence to make up for it.

It's a bizarre duality that not even he fully understands - don't think for a moment that that means he'll ever tire of you, or view you as disposable. No, he's actually one of the most obsessive ones, yet very demanding of attention and praise, rather than giving it.

He frequently tests you - things like leaving the door unlocked, waiting outside just to see if you'll try it. Seeing you open that door, watching your face go from ecstatic excitement and drop to wide-eyed terror, it's priceless.

"My, my, you didn't waste any time at all, did you? Why do you look so surprised...? You should know I wouldn't slip up that badly."

Pet names, but in the most infuriatingly condescending way, and uses them more often when he's mad and trying to warn you that you're pushing his limits. Particularly fond of "sweetheart," especially with a low warning tone and clenched teeth.

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

Horny fucker, all the way. The man has a lot of stress and frustration in his life already, that much more if you're... less than compliant with your new lifestyle. Sex, especially rough and hard, is a fantastic stress reliever.

Very little reservation. He's not crude about it, but he tends to make subtle innuendos very frequently, and laughs at your embarrassed reactions. Definitely the type to pull the whole shtick in which he says something with a blatant sexual undertone, then elaborates in a way to make it sound like having meant something else, follows with that smirk and says, "Why? What did you think I meant?" It's something he really enjoys doing, and loves to get embarrassed reactions out of people, particularly yourself.

"Touchy" doesn't begin to describe it. Pretty much from the moment you meet him, he's got his hands somewhere on your person. He grabs your shoulders when he stands behind you, he wraps an arm around you from the side when he walks up to you, he's always pressing his hands on your back and sides whenever you're navigating the streets, walking through doorways, wraps an arm around your waist when sitting next to you. It's highly uncomfortable, but really, he's just got something very subtly, but very strongly intimidating about him. You almost don't want to confront him on it. If you do, he'll laugh it off, and stop -- for maybe 48 hours or so, and then he'll be right back at it.

To the surprise of, well, everyone who's ever met him, he doesn't actually live up to the rumors of having been around the block, so to speak. His experience is actually little to none - that kinda happens when you push everyone around you away. Not that he'd ever let you know that, of course, and will probably lie if asked, but you can gleam a little bit of truth from slightly awkward movements and a bit of noticeable shakiness.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

Kind of like Razor, the issue is that he loves you, and what better way is there of expressing love? He's not much for gift-giving or words of affirmation - no, he's a lot better with words of degradation, it comes more naturally to him. And he's certainly not one to enjoy acts of service -- well, not doing them, he'll gladly take them as a sign of your love, though. No, he expresses love through touch. It's like how, when you hug someone you really love, someone you missed, you squeeze them extra tight - the love manifests as a physical urge for some strong expression. Humans are physical about their emotions -- we punch walls when we're mad, we jump up and down when we're happy, and when you love someone, sometimes you just really, really want to pound them into a mattress as hard as physically possible. That's normal. That, and really, he's got his vices. He's actually fairly weak when it comes to resisting temptations, and prone to give in to urges for physical sensations like drunkenness and sex.

Is another one to be convinced that, with time, you'll come around. And is absolutely the top candidate to be one for using your own body against you - if you get wet, if you whimper, if you cum, that's just proof that you really do want this, that you're just being difficult because you enjoy being a brat, and he'll be sure to tell you that.

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

This is nearly indistinguishable from punishment, sadistic bastard

D/S dynamics

Arrogant fucker wants to be served and worshipped, you could see it coming from a mile away. Anything that puts you beneath him is going to make him happy - anything where you're where you're supposed to be. There's a lot of options, but it doesn't really matter, as long as he feels like he's in control and ownership of you in some way, and as long as you act accordingly.

He wants it to be something that’s not just for sex, but rather, he’ll end up carrying it over into normal life, whether you like it or not. If you just went along with it in hopes of getting it over with once he cums, you’re going to be in for a treat when it starts to carry over. He gets a little too used to being worshipped, and decides he likes that submissive attitude on you enough to want to see it all the time.

Petplay/Collaring

It really helps that he sees you as something of a pet already, but really, the collar is the selling point. Even if you never go outside, there's something unbearably hot about the possessiveness of it all - really, it's there to remind you of your status as property. He wants to own you, and for you to be forced to acknowledge that he owns you, and there's really no better way to do that than something with his name on it. It's even better with a leash, one he can pull on when he's fucking you to pull you back onto him over, and over, and over, hearing it choke you the more he shortens it.

But really, having you crawl towards him on all fours and obey little commands so simple they're humiliating is pretty nice, too.

Impact pain/painplay

There's really nothing quite so powerful feeling as watching you cry and squirm from it, y'know? He's another one that just likes the marks his hands, belts, or anything else can leave all over the skin of your ass and the back of your legs. The thing with him, though, is it's not even always a punishment, he just does it for fun, and that makes it unpredictable. Will definitely make you count, it's a sadistic torture for your mind and body.

Throatfucking

May be used as a punishment measure, may just be because he's craving it, either way, even if you have a gag reflex, you won't for very long. He'll train it out of you gradually, grabbing the back of your head and just slamming all the way down into your throat, holding you there, making you choke - it's a beautiful sound, really, listening to you gag, all while your throat spasms around him, it's the best feeling, really, and will definitely be used as a threat if you need incentives to behave.

Choking

Ties into the dynamics, but really, there’s not much to say on this one. He likes the power trip from having his hands wrapped around your throat, seeing you struggle, watching your face go red, hearing those little choking noises. It puts power over you into his hands, and if you get pleasure from it against your own will, that’s even better.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

Absolutely one of the ones to use it as a tool. If you have a baby, you'll be so much more bound to him. You'll need him more, you'll want him around more, you'll be much less likely to leave, and in a way it feels a little bit like a sign of ownership over you.

That being said, he's also acutely aware of his jealous tendencies, and realizes he would also be very likely to become jealous if he felt like you loved a baby more than him, or gave it more attention and affection than you do him. He doesn't like the thought.

So ultimately, the latter side prevents him from willingly trying, but if you really, really have defiance issues even after he's tried everything he can to break you help you adjust, he might consider it.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

If it's mild enough, he can just take the route of extremely rough fucking - it gets rid of the frustration, he likes hearing you whimper and squeal, and he can leave lots of little bruises as reminders of what not to do in the future.

But, again, he already gets off to putting you in pain - it'll be that much worse when you've done something to deserve it. Harder hits, no mercy whatsoever, and he just loves all your little cries, wiping away your tears and smiling at you, right before bringing down whatever instrument of pain he's chosen again. If you really, really make him mad, and he really wants to make you cry, he's not above fucking your ass, either, watching you cry and beg, but you'll learn with time that begging doesn't ever get you out of anything.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

Definitely an ass man. Likes fucking you in doggy, seeing the ripple every time you bounce back off of him, pulling your hair or arms to add some force. He likes seeing all the little red marks that his hands and belts and anything else will leave on the skin, views it like marks of possession. Grabbing, beating, fucking, it's all good.

[mala-sadas]

How about... your favorite pokeani ship and your favorite pokespe ship for the ask?

Took me a bit to answer this one because I really had to sit down and think about what my favorite pokeani and pokespe ships are, but I finally came to a decision!

MarissonShipping

The ship is my: OTP! I can't imagine Alain or Mairin dating anyone else.

I consider this ship’s feelings: Mutual! I mean, Alain's entire motivation for the XYZ saga is literally to see Mairin smile again. And she clearly worries about Alain a lot when he's in danger and enjoys spending time with him and trusts him - it's just so sweet to see how much these two care about each other.

I’d consider the relationship: Definitely Awkward at first; they're horrible at communicating with each other and that'd inevitably lead to conflict and tension. But I think it'd become Healthy once they learn to talk out their problems and trust each other!

Children: No. I think Alain will inherit the position of regional professor once Professor Sycamore retires, with Mairin helping him, and they'll be too busy with lab work to raise kids - giving starter Pokémon to fledgling Trainers is satisfying enough for them.

General Opinion: This is the best ship Pokéani has ever given us. Their dynamic is so good - full of conflict that makes for an interesting story, but not so strained that it's impossible to believe they'll get together. Most relationships in the anime, especially the ones involving the kids, don't show them having a super strong emotional connection, or if there is it's pretty one-sided (see: any character who cares about Ash). But with Alain and Mairin, you don't have to read much into it to realize that they both care deeply about each other, and it's just a matter of whether you read that as platonic or romantic affection.

DeliveryShipping

The ship is my: endgame pair! I like some rarer ships for these two (I've even written a Moon/Hau and a Sun/Acerola fic before), but at the end of the day I think they're the best for each other and they're the Spe couple I most want to end up together.

I consider this ship’s feelings: Mutual! They may bicker or make snide comments about each other from time to time, but when it comes down to it they trust each other and care about each other. There's a reason why Sun always asks Moon to fix him up and Moon always does it for free without complaint, and it's not because Moon comes from a rich family.

I’d consider the relationship: Fairly Healthy! Canon may not have shown them to be very close after the timeskip, but I think they must have learned to understand each other really well considering that they were stuck with only each other for company for six months. They might have issues with communication at first, but what relationship doesn't? Moon's pretty no-nonsense and will work to resolve any issues that arise between them quickly.

Children: Yes, I think they'd have kids eventually. I even made a couple Delivery fankids once upon a time...

General Opinion: Does canon support the idea that they're romantically interested in each other? No, absolutely not. Is that going to stop me from envisioning their potential and shipping them? Of course not! They're two of my favorite characters in Pokéspe, they have a great dynamic, and I love writing fics about them. My favorite romantic ship in Spe by a long shot!

[sunlightnmoonshine]

In the end (pt. 1)

It feels a little surreal that the show is over and I will no longer have anything to look forward to because the devil judge set such a high bar in terms of writing and character exploration that I will always hold dear to my heart. Given that its actually done, I found myself drowning in the realisation that we will never see these characters again and how I feel about where the show left them off. So this is me coming to terms with it:

1. Min Jung Ho - Snake lol. Something I admired about the writing was how they didn't try to make him all out some evil piece of shit but rather someone that had a very strong misguided belief off some strange frustrations against Yohan who was changing the legal system more radically but effectively. Which he could not come to terms with. In the end he villanised Yohan and ignored the actual problems that persisted and inevitably contributed to the problem all in a sense of self righteousness, ah sorry, hypocrisy is the better word. The show leaves him looking oh so pathetic, he can't even raise his head to meet Gaon, the boy he betrayed severely and he'll rot for the rest of his life going down in history as a hypocrite who did nothing to actually fix the system he claimed he would be the arm of justice for. Its a fitting end.

2. Heo Joong Se: Clown. The show really said he's a spoilt, stubborn arrogant joke until the end. Down to the way he insulted everyone but specifically insulted women. The way all he did in that court room was scream his head off without an ounce of remorse somehow still deluded by the fact that he's doing this for the country? But knowing fully well he's a businessman through and through and that was all he will be. I can not stress how phenomenal it is that it is Jung Sun Ah that shoots him dead. Its clear he's had it coming from her hand ever since she tried to suffocate him during the massage but it's just how randomly she does it. She's sick of him, she's aware she's going to be targeted, she's aware he's done too much behind her back and never once respected her and its in the midst of one of his screaming fits particularly screaming "I am the King" that the bullet goes through and there's silence. Perfection.

3. The rest of the clowns of the SRF : idle bystanders that turned an eye away from inherent evil and repeatedly benefitted off of their actions without an ounce of remorse yet again. But hilarious nevertheless because they really became jesters on that stage in a desperate fit to live, threw themselves away to get out a door. It's noteworthy that they spent most of their time trying to stop the other from leaving instead of quietly watching and just getting out. None of them of are capable of that, they only know to take from others. Crumbling under the systematic stage they built? Poignant. I don't really care what anyone says they deserved to die point in tow with HJS who saw human life as so unworthy of it wasn't their own. There's a reason why human trafficking is considered one of the worst of crimes, human experimentation falls closely next to it. All because they were poorer than them. Guess their greed really out did them. Tried to put on a show in a court house which was anyway all just a staged facade and ultimately they died on that stage with their masks out for everyone to see. For their people to see them throw each other away to live. If they were going to throw each other away - their own kind- what wouldn't they do to the lower class? Oof the show gave them what they deserved- humiliation.

4. Jung Sunah - I still struggle to come to terms with how she's gone and how painful everything about her was until the last minute. It's clear Sunah has been breaking for a few episodes now. She's so close to the top and she's realised how truly alone she is and she's realised Yohan will never want her the way she wants him to. She's realised every person she used to get to where she was, ended up being wasted stepping stones because she doesn't have what she wants all the way at the top and never will. The way the show has her quietly go to the experimentation centre and weep over the girl she saw herself in but someone she initially turned away from because she's not part of her bigger plan. The child she left to fall prey to the people Sunah has inevitably helped secure positions in her attempt to secure her own position. The way the show focuses on how the child has been repeatedly pierced with needles something Sunah hates the most and how she realises this is also her fault. She probably thought hey I'll get to the top and do things my way but as Yohan pointed out, ruling over trash isn't it, it'll never be worth it and she's essentially walking with a target on her back and she'll never be free because the weight of her sins will catch up to her and the rich will always be after her because she's not the same as them. She would be living on the edge forever. And she knows this.

Something I found very interesting was how she wasnt roped in on the crimes of the Dream House Project. Yohan only highlighted her crime as having killed K and Soohyun and its the frustration she feels in that moment that really gets me. It's also why I think she could never get out of the show because she killed innocent people which is highlighted repeatedly and at the time never showed remorse for it. BUT I love how the show somehow saves her from humiliation, until the end they paint her with regality and power because that is who Sunah is. Frankly she could have walked right out of the door while they were throwing a fit and Yohan would have let her because that was the terms of the game but he'd have come after her at some point and even if he didn't Gaon most certainly would have.

But it's the way the show brought it all back to how she feels about Yohan since he's the other half of what she's always wanted, the way she's happy he's alive, how she goes and stands in front of him and she's got her hand on the trigger of the gun while Yohan on the button of detonator. I believe, if Sunah had shot him Yohan would have detonated the bomb and died with them and I also believe deep down Sunah knew Yohan would somehow get out of this even if she didn't shoot him, so she really gave him the chance to get out and back to Elijah. I am not sure if Sunah couldn't shoot Yohan or if she didn't want to, and I lean towards the latter because she really liked him, it might have been ill placed desire but if things were different if she hadn't sided with the SRF in hopes of getting to the top she and Yohan might have worked things out and they would both be healing. If she only hadn't killed the innocent people to make a point... But at the end of it Sunah took her fate into her hands and I appreciate that the show gave her the agency over it, to decide not to shoot Yohan because she's finally letting go ( I stand by this but if Yohan had died Sunah would have lost - she never wanted him to die), because she won't do what the rest of the SRF scum want of her and because she's fine with going on her own terms.

That doesn't mean it didn't hurt though... I cry thinking about it because the show tried really hard to show how unfair everything was to Sunah and how if circumstances had been different, if the world had cared a bit more how she might have turned out differently. Her final moments the flashback to the one act of kindness she had needed in her life, the way Yohan really must have sparkled in her eyes, and how much she valued that moment all the way to her death because no matter what, in his own loneliness and difficulty he was kind to her. Jeez it hurts.

Ideally I'd have wanted her to live but I don't know how that would have worked out. At the end of it not all villains are evil. Some are products of the ills of the system that left them alone and let them become monsters but behind a monster there can also be a victim.

[nctseren]

❝ For a long time, love was unattainable for her. She wrote, sang and dreamed about it, but she had never been truly in love.

The truth is that, and although she denies it, Kang Sohee is a hopeless romantic and she always has been. She often dreamed of meeting the right person and doing everything right so that love would last... and not fade like her parents' love.

However, love is strange and it does not come easy. She has learned that you can meet thousands of people and yet none of them will make you feel the things that you are supposed to feel.

She has also learned that you can mistake love. And as much as it hurts and breaks your soul, there are people you were born to love, and there are others you were not.

So, Seren doesn't have much experience in romance. And she's slowly learning that love and infatuation are two different things, that it doesn't have to hurt, that it should make you feel happy, and that you don't go looking for the right person, because eventually fate brings you together. ❞

⟶crush list

—WANG YONG

❝ I'm too shy to tell you how I feel.

So I'll hide behind timid smiles and soft hellos.

I'm afraid if I ask you: "what do you think of me? " your reply will be "I don't" ❞

duration of crush: 2014 — 2015

relationship: close friends, one side crush

current status: they haven't spoken in a long time but she still cares for him

their things: practicing together, sharing chocolates, him giving her books and then the next week sharing opinions about them, eating together all the time

playlist: kid in love by shawn mendes & u smile by justin bieber

Wang Yong came to SM Entertainment in late 2012 and Lee Taeyong quickly took care of him under his wing. He was quite a popular trainee, not only because of his looks, but also because of his great talent for dancing, despite his young age. He was to the younger ones what Kang Seulgi was to Sohee.

Wang Yong was a sweet guy, it was inevitable for girls not to have a crush on him, and anyone in his place would take advantage of it, but not him. He was focused on doing what he had to do: training hard. That's the reason why his only friends for a long time were only Taeyong and Hansol.

Kang Sohee (long before she was known as Seren) officially met him in late 2013, after watching him practice. They did not become friends right away, since it was not easy for him to open up to other people. However, when she became close to Taeyong, they inevitably had to become friends. And then they connected thanks to dancing, something they were both passionate about. They went from being acquaintances to partners who practiced together to friends. Then it was not only Wong Yong, Lee Taeyong and Ji Hansol, now it was also Kang Sohee.

2014 was a rough year for her, starting from the loss of her grandparents to learning that she was not going to debut with Red Velvet. It was the most difficult year for her in all that time locked up, but her friends were with her. And he didn't go unnoticed, no matter how hard he tried. He always carried an extra portion of food for her, left her books that he thought she would like and always pretended not to learn the choreography so that she could teach him and in that way distract her mind by doing what she likes the most.

It really wasn't difficult to like Wang Yong, he was sweet and a good boy. Soon she found herself thinking that she really liked the way he wrinkled his nose when he laughed, or how his eyes sparkled when someone complimented him and, most of all, the way he tilted his head when he was confused. And then every time he looked at her she felt something in her stomach (and no, she had thought the first time she felt it, it can't be diarrhea), her cheeks would blush and it was difficult for her to keep look at him.

He was her crush for a few months and suddenly their interactions were shy smiles and sharing chocolates. Until he was no longer making her feel like she was flying. He meant a lot to her because not only he was her first butterflies in her stomach, he was also one of her close friends and one of the most supportive.

Sometimes she still thinks about him, what is he doing? how is he doing? what it would have been like if he had debuted in NCT instead of her? SM Entertainment did not treat him well, apparently his voice was not good enough, in the future they had told him. All she knows is that he returned to his home in China, and all she hopes is that he's truly happy.

—MARK LEE

❝ There's a boy I like.

He smiles so bright and my heart can't take it.

There's a boy I like.

We both love the same things.

There's a boy I like.

I think about him all the time.

There's a boy I like.

He's my best friend. ❞

duration of crush: 2017 — early 2018

relationship: bandmates, best friends, crush

current status: bandmates, best friends, partners in crime

their things: holding hands, sharing songs, singing, rapping, dancing together, telling jokes, listening to music, trying to teach her basketball, teaching him to play futboll soccer, doing karaoke

playlist: the one that got away by katy perry & walk you home by nct dream & everything has changed by taylor swift & catching feelings by justin bieber & whenever you are by 5sos

For a long time, Mark was the closest thing to a best friend that she had. They practically grew up together (and are still growing). They wouldn't exactly tell each other everything, but they did trust each other. And every day, especially when they missed home, they would get together to tell their funniest childhood stories, and then listen to music for the rest of the time, enjoying each other's company.

Maybe that's what made her have feelings for him. Maybe it was the inside jokes, the laughs, the songs, maybe it was all together.

It was different, of course. It didn't feel at all like her first crush. No, it was definitely stronger, because they were Mark and Seren — everyone was talking about Mark and Seren: NCT's 99 line, best friends.

Liking Mark was a fresh feeling, no discomfort, no obvious blushes, no big butterflies either. No, liking Mark was being at peace. Being comfortable in his presence, hearing him sing, sharing smiles, doing mischief together, it all felt too good... almost like she was born for it.

And maybe she was born to love Mark, but in another life. Because on this one Mark Lee and Kang Sohee were just best friends. And although at nights she sometimes dreamed of his eyes, the same ones that hold thousands of stars, in the morning she reminded herself that nothing could change the friendship they had.

That's one of the reasons why she didn't do anything about it, that and because she didn't want to ruin all their efforts just for a crush.

It was difficult for her, because months passed and she kept thinking about him. Until eventually she stopped seeing him in a romantic way, his hugs stopped making her feel things (things you're not supposed to feel for a friend) and at night his eyes and laughter stopped appearing.

Now that time has passed, she realizes that staying best friends with him is a hundred times better than a possible relationship with him. And she prays, Oh, she prays that Mark Lee's future partner can love and appreciate him as much as he deserves... As much as she could have.

⟶dating list

—MOONBIN

❝ I enjoy our time together. And your laugh, your voice, your kisses. I enjoy you.

We may not be in love and that's okay for us.

Because what matters right now is that we're both having fun. ❞

public knowledge: private (only friends)

duration of relationship: march 2018 — april 2018

relationship: fling

current status: friends

their things: hanging out with friends, kisses, supporting each other, hugs

playlist: we are young by fun feat janelle monaé & locked out of heaven by bruno mars

They met at some awards and immediately they knew there was attraction, so they exchanged phone numbers and soon found themselves talking every single day.

They both knew what it was and what they wanted, to be young and have fun.

Those two months sometimes felt like an eternity, because they genuinely had a good time together. There was always fun, affection and, most importantly, sincerity.

They both knew it was meant to be over, so they enjoyed it.

Having fun with Moonbin felt like riding the drop tower: they weren't afraid of it, they just felt the adrenaline and fun you feel being up there in the air. But just as fast it goes up, it also goes down. And even though in the end you seem to want more, you know enough was enough.

—WOOSEOK

❝ I loved you as Icarus loved the sun — too close, too much. ❞

public knowledge: private for three months until their members found out

duration of relationship: july 2018 — january 2019

relationship: kind of dated, never really had a "tittle"

current status: acquaintances, they don't really talk anymore

their things: secret dates, midnight calls, back hugs, kisses

playlist: sweet creature by harry styles & the scientist by coldplay & the end of love by florence + the machine & it will rain by bruno mars

Kang Sohee and Jung Wooseok were never in love, but they might as well have been.

They met in mid-2018 thanks to a close friend, and the physical attraction was so immense that without thinking they both decided to give it a try. It was all very fast, but the result had been good. They were something, no tittle, yet they didn't care because they were okay with that.

Their relationship was like trying a new dish, they didn't know what to expect: they didn't know if it would be sweet or salty, everything was so different. But they had liked it. They spent a good time together, sometimes hiding from their members, it was a little secret that only the two of them knew.

They loved what they had. Midnight calls, secret dates, just sneaking around their members backs like that. It was exciting and fun. They were young people enjoying themselves.

Until it became real. Too real.

Suddenly they weren't just missing each other's presence, but they craved for their touch and kisses.

It was almost like an obsession. Every time they were together they felt intoxicated. They needed more, they wanted more.

And that wasn't healthy nor they where ready for that.

So, because they cared about each other, they put a stop to it. God knows that if they had stayed together, they would have burned.

—THE8

❝ The Ego asked:

'What is Love? It's too big of a word for me. I don't understand it at times.'

The Soul replied:

'If you understand Kindness

If you understand Respect

If you understand Acceptance

Then you will understand Love.' ❞

public knowledge: private (only members and close friends)

duration of relationship: december 2019 — present

relationship: acquaintances to friends to lovers

current status: in love, best friends

their things: nose, forehead and cheek kisses, showing her his art, painting together, taking pictures, listening to music, dedicating songs, slow dancing, hype man! hype woman!, writing songs about each other, domestic dates

playlist: love someone by lukas graham & ily by the rose & common by zayn & have you ever been in love? by the ivy & love somebody like you by joan & sunday morning by maroon 5 & natural by zayn

Falling for Xu Minghao was like breathing, so natural, so effortless, without realizing it.

They met in 2018 and for a year they were just acquaintances: their bandmate's friend. There were few interactions, maybe greetings and a few smiles. But when she has a very persistent Boo Seungkwan as her best friend, it was only a matter of time before she eventually became friends with the rest of them.

Being friends with Minghao is yellow, like observing the sunset. It's relaxing, enthusiastic, supportive, positivity, happiness...

It was an unexpected friendship but suddenly they were sharing songs, painting together and hanging out a lot more than with their original friends. Soft laughs, little jokes, looks full of adoration — it was so obvious that there was something there, they could feel it and everyone could see it. And still it took almost a year for them to take the risk. Was it really mutual or were they just imagining it?

He was the first to take the step, because even if it was all in his head at least he would be at peace knowing that he tried and didn't just let her go.

It was silly, really, how much they wanted to be together and how much they doubted.

Loving Minghao is comforting, honest, understanding, compassion, teamwork, sometimes overwhelming, and a new feeling that completely scares her because she has never been in love or in a serious relationship, yet she is sure of one thing: discovering those feelings with him was her best decision.

[anobscurename]

ocean eyes – chris evans

previous part: PART XIX — masterlist

concept: you finally have had enough. the slowest of slow burns. part twenty of many.

pairing: chris evans x reader

word count: 2,4k

warnings: you might cry; i know i did. angst.

author's note: i needed my comedic relief comfort characters for this one in the beginning tbh cause... well... you'll see. this one is for @miss-jackson500 because i haven't dedicated one to her yet and she's? amazing?!

You had wondered – for the days that followed – that if maybe the rescheduled meet-up hadn't been cut short by Anthony, if things would be different.

You came to the conclusion that all that really would've been different was that you'd know a little less.

"You're finally going to do it, huh?" Anthony grinned from across the pool table. You had, according to the original plan, all come together at the old bar where you'd first met the two. "You're going to tell him how you feel?"

"Is it a bad idea?" You asked, missing your shot. Your mind was heavily distracted, and it was showing through. You were usually wiping the floor with the duo, but now you were losing four balls to one.

"No, no, it's a fantastic idea," Anthony bent down to line up his next shot. "Tell her it's a fantastic idea, Seb. Better yet, tell me who the Black Widow should be with."

Sebastian, who had been sat to the side, waiting for his turn, rolled his eyes and took a swig of his beer. "I admit nothing until I see a ring."

"Speaking of rings!" Anthony jumped up excitedly – either from the prospect of marriage or the thrill of pocketing his ball, leaving team Falcon and Winter Soldier with just the black on the table – "I'm thinking a round cut two carat, set in rose gold? Colour scheme would he lavender, of course, because as best man–"

"You can get fucked if you think you're going to be best man."

"Of course I'm best man! Look at me, I'm the bestest man around, I'm fine as–"

"You can both get fucked if you think there's going to be a wedding," you laughed.

Anthony hissed a curse under his breath as he missed the winning pocket, reluctantly handing the cue off to Sebastian, who hopped off the stool to land gracefully on his feet.

You chalked your cue, determined to not lose yet another game to these dipshits. "I haven't even told him yet, what if he doesn't feel the same way?"

Anthony and Sebastian both looked at you, incredulous. "I mean this with only love, and it comes from a place deep within my heart... Are you blind?"

Sebastian was even balking. "Even I could tell, and I have the social skills of a pineapple."

"Okay, fine! You both are clearly biased, you saw us kiss."

"No, we watched a softcore porno is what we did, y'all devouring each other like that in public–"

He cut himself short, having to laughingly dodge himself out of the reach of your playful slap.

"I'm asking Scott for the final opinion," you proclaimed.

Sebastian rolled his eyes, eager to play and win the game, bouncing the end of the cue on the wooden bar floor. The rubber stop muted the noise.

You opened up the text thread you had been maintaining with the younger Evans. Should I tell Chris?

You didn't need to elaborate, Scott would know what you meant. There was a pause on his end, and you had just been about to put your phone away before his response bubbled up.

Sorry, was just changing your name in my phone to sister-in-law ;)

That was all the answer you needed.

You finished the game – you lost, mind overrun with giddiness and the odds having been stacked against you long before – and you were hugging Anthony goodbye.

When you'd asked where he was headed, he'd just given you a sly wink and a "wouldn't you like to know."

That left just you and Sebastian, and you decided to walk him back to his hotel before heading home.

"How long you going to be in L.A. for?" You'd asked, just to make conversation.

"A week or so, maybe? And then I'm jetting back to New York. I haven't been home in so long, I think the dust has taken over my lease."

You chuckled, and continued on in a pleasant silence.

You gave him a departing hug in the lobby, and hailed a cab back to Chris'.

You were so high on the exhilaration of finally telling him and ending this will they/won't they charade once and for all. So excited, you'd nearly missed the unfamiliar Bentley in the driveway on your way in.

But it didn't go unnoticed.

You came in, greeted happily by a yapping Dodger, and the smell that hit you was one of Valentino perfume – overpowering the usual scent of Chris lingering in the house.

"Hey, Dodge," you whispered, giving him a vigorous petting session. "Where's Chris? Where's your dad?"

Dodger gave your hand a wet lick, slobbering over your keys, and you laughed lightly.

The door to the pool was open, and you could hear splashing and giggling – pitched more feminine than you'd ever heard Chris go.

Curiosity killed the cat. And satisfaction was never going to resurrect the plummet of your excitement. No, that was replaced by shock and anger. Even if you knew you had no right to feel that way.

"Chris?" You'd called out as you padded across the lounge. "Chris, whose car is in the driveway? I have something I–"

Blindsided, your slobber slick keys fell from your hand to jangle uselessly onto the ground. It was that that finally grabbed his attention.

He had been otherwise excruciatingly preoccupied with the topless girl in his lap, legs locked around his waist in a languid grind, his hands smoothing over her curves as they all but explored each other's tonsils in a moaning kiss.

Red flashed across your vision as well as your cheeks, and you ducked your head. Embarrassed and feeling stupid, you quickly grabbed your keys. "I'm sorry, I'll go..."

You quickly turned and dashed to your room, ignoring the tears in your eyes, and the call of your name.

"{Your name}, wait!" Chris cried, water sloshing as he clambered out of the pool. "{Your name}!"

You slammed the door shut behind you, making it clear you wanted isolation. Pulling out a duffel bag, you began throwing clothes into it, careless of what you might need, just needing to leave.

Sebastian had asked you once how much more you were going to put yourself through before you'd had enough.

And this was it. This was the breaking point. This was enough.

The strength in which Chris frantically ripped open your door had it banging against the adjacent wall, but you couldn't even look at him. Your eyes were blurry as you continued violently packing your clothes.

You didn't even know where you were going to go. You just knew you had to. Go.

"{Your name}, stop," he said, soft in direct comparison to the panic he felt in his chest. You were leaving him. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" You spat out. And then, just to change the subject, because not even you could bare to dwell on it too much: "You're getting water on your floor."

"{Your name}–"

"Don't talk to me, Chris. Rest your tongue a bit, it sure was busy earlier."

"As was yours, too, I'm sure," he bit back.

Your movements stuttered at the reciprocated rage. To your knowledge, he had no right to feel as you did in that moment. None.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

There was provocation in his eyes, and his searing gaze only fuelled your fire.

"Have fun with Sebastian?"

Your scoff was followed by a bewildered laugh. "I went out tonight with Sebastian and Anthony, Chris. We're friends. Welcome to the world of platonic relationships, professor, we've been waiting for your arrival."

And like the cut strings on a puppet, tension left his body – anger being replaced by confusion.

"I... I thought..."

"You thought wrong, Evans," you seethed, pushing past him to the bathroom to grab your toiletries. You made an effort to bump him, your shirt sticking to your skin with the water droplets still dotting his toned body. "And to think I really thought..."

"Thought what?" His voice cracked out.

"Thought that you might actually care about me!" You finally snapped. You were yelling. You didn't want to yell, but you were, voice echoing in the acoustics of the bathroom.

"I do," he whispered. His conviction was quickly draining from him, being replaced with an inevitable sadness and feeling of loss. You hadn't even left yet, but he knew that nothing he was going to say would make you stay. He knew he'd gone too far. It didn't stop him from trying. "I loved you, {your name}. I still do."

You had hoped that if he ever was to say those words, it would be under different circumstances. In fact, you'd found yourself imagining whole sunset beach scenarios, late into the night.

"I thought you were better than that, Chris. Manipulation? That's low."

"It's true. I've loved you–"

You didn't want to hear it. You weren't going to give him the opportunity of persuading you into staying. You knew you should've left long ago. "I can't say the feeling is mutual."

It was a lie. It was a lie, because if you really had felt nothing, then you wouldn't be acting like this. But you needed the upper hand, because Chris had basically knocked you over with the force of his admittance. You couldn't let yourself be dragged back in. Not this time. You had too much self respect for that. Not when he still had lipstick smudged on his lips, disappearing into the scruff that shadowed his jaw.

You had to avoid looking at his pained expression at your words. No matter how much you were hurting now at his profession of love, you knew he might possibly be hurting a little more at your rejection.

"And if you really did..." You trailed off, struggling to say the words love me. "Well, you have a really funny way of showing it."

"Pretending not to love you is the hardest role I've taken on, and I did it for you."

Red was dancing back into your vision, your shock growing alongside the fury.

"How is that for me?"

"Because that's what you wanted!" He was finding his voice again, raising it in his desperation. "Believe me, I wanted to fight for you. I would, would wage wars for you," he stuttered out. "But you never wanted that from me. You wanted to pull away, from this, from us. And I let you because I would do anything you asked of me."

"So you stayed away because you wanted to keep me?" You worded it slowly, just to make him understand how ridiculous it sounded.

"...Yes."

"Are you stupid? Actually mentally deficient?" You zipped your bag, brushing past him again, this time making sure to have as little contact as possible. He all but occupied the whole doorway.

"If I had told you then you would have left!" He was following you now, following you to the front door. "I told you I wanted you in my life, even if it meant the pain of never having you."

You had hoped to slam the door in his face to make your point known, but where Chris had slacked in fighting for you before, he was making up for now. He caught the door before it could close, trailing after you into the driveway.

"There's something wrong with me. I ruin things. So I let you have your space because you are the greatest thing that has happened to me in a long time, and I'd be fucked if I ruined you too!"

"It's a bit too late for that," you said, finally looking him in those ocean eyes. They were bloodshot with barely restrained tears. But your resolve was iron. "Congratulations, Evans. You've ruined me."

You heard Dodger pawing at the door, whining low and long for you. If you thought leaving Chris was hard, this was what made you break.

But you turned away from them, from that house, tears falling freely. A sob escaped your lips, barely stifled.

"Put on a shirt, Evans," you managed to get out. You wanted the last word, even if it brought very little satisfaction. "You have company."

———————

Your first call was to Anthony. He hadn't picked up, and you remembered his other plans.

The second also went unanswered – the friend who had become a self proclaimed L.A. local upon graduating high school, and who had let you crash at their house when you'd first arrived. She was probably at work, and so you left her a quick voicemail asking her to call you back.

The third did, on only the second ring. You had almost lost hope in anyone else being awake at that point, so you hadn't composed yourself before he picked up.

The first thing he heard was your sob, which you quickly cut off with a greeting.

"What's wrong?"

"Can I crash with you tonight? I need somewhere to go."

"What happened? Did–?"

"I don't want to talk about it," you said quickly. He shut up almost immediately. "I just... Please?"

There was a pensive silence on the other end, and you felt the need to fill it.

"I tried Anthony, but he wasn't picking up."

"Yeah," came the small chuckle crackling on the other end. "He's got a hot date tonight. Must be going well."

"I wouldn't do this if I had anywhere else to go, but I don't, and it'll only be for one night–"

"Of course you can stay," he assured, sushing you softly. "Can't believe I made you ask twice."

————————

Sebastian met you in the lobby, taking you up to his room almost immediately to avoid strange looks and any unwanted public attention.

He explained to you in the elevator that although he had tried to get you your own room, the hotel was fully booked. He sounded quite apologetic for that.

You didn't say much, because if you spoke, you were scared you were going to start crying all over again. And you'd just managed to stop, averting your eyes from your teadstained appearance in the mirrors.

Sebastian's room was a big one, on the pricier end of all the hotel had to offer. A large king sized bed stood to one side, bedsheets twisted as if he'd clambered into it right when he'd gotten back.

There was a lounge suite to the side, looking like a set-up you'd see on the glossy pages of Architectural Digest, and although the curtains were drawn, you could see the city lights sprawling out before you through the crack.

He was still in his outfit from the bar, shirt and jeans slightly rumpled.

The television was on, playing the original Nosferatu quietly in the background.

"I'll take the couch," Sebastian offered, dropping off the bags he'd taken from you.

You declined him with a shake of your head.

"{Your name}," he said, tender, placing both his hands on your shoulders to make you look at him. "You've been through a lot tonight. Take the bed, I've got the couch."

You didn't have the strength to fight his insistence. You didn't have the strength for much any more.

When you'd gotten out the shower, dressed in your pyjamas, Sebastian finally asked you again what had happened.

You just shrugged tiredly, climbing between the cool cotton sheets.

"I just had enough."

[dolokhoded]

me starting to actually write this even though it still very obviously has some plot wholes

that ralbert au where race commits war crimes

i think it's really cute

so pulitzer is the big bad guy here for i'm basic reasons

has created some,, weird ass dumb ass evil empire

destroyed a couple towns

caused some battles

divided the world

y'know. stuff like that.

starting off with some spicy unfinished plot 🤩 but lbh it doesn't really matter anyways we're all just here for ralbert

anyways, race and al's families? pretty big part of that.

they're both supposed to take over their fathers' jobs when they grow up

said jobs basically being,, in charge of,,, unleashing people to raid entire towns and burn them to the ground

they grew up side by side, have always been best friends, never seen without each other

but understandably when they started growing up and understanding what was going on around them it,,,,,,, troubled them

and they dealed with it Very Differently

albert did Not like it

he was angry, and he was sad that this was what he was supposed to become and he was already never close with his family so it wasn't really hard for him to decide he didn't want anything to do with them anymore

race,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, okay look

deep inside him race knew what was going on was,,, s o wrong

but race was also from a big tight family, it was so much easier for him to just,,,,,, shut all of that out and pretend he was just doing what was better for them

it was hard for him, it was his family

still you can understand how well it went for them when albert left and race refused to go with him

they were 17 at the time

people against pulitzer's whole thing were obviously not very,,,,,,,,, well appreciated?

the moment albert ran away he was art of the defiance. he was a traitor.

but he was also still dasilva's son and they wanted them on their side, so they wouldn't seriously hurt him

doesn't mean they stopped looking for him

he shared an apartment with romeo and finch for a while, it was in a pretty lowkey neighborhood and they covered for him

and through them he met the rest of the newsies :) who actively helped in trying to help people who's homes were destroyed by pulitzer

there were people actively fighting him too but the newsies were mostly in charge of that

well, until albert and his non-existent impulse control arrived anyways

cause look,,,,, race was being trained for a reason, and eventually he took over

so when you see this ur ex-best friend who you're in love with but have a lot of repressed feelings for, both good and bad, that you decide to dump in the 'im angry' pile and just pretend you hate him and no longer care about him,,,,, fighting occurs

and there was a bit of controversy about albert joining them because "it's the dasilva boy romeo he was specifically trained to kick our asses" but that slowly turns into "yea ok he's very legit but for the love of god someone s t o p him the next time he tries to kiLL SOMEONE-"

that's a hyperbole, of course. even as rivals, albert wouldn't kill race. he barely even hurts him.

if anything, he even kind of looks out for him

he knows he's not supposed to but somehow he still can't bring himself to let race get hurt

besides let's be honest, most of their encounters are just an excuse to bitch at each other, they'd never do anything they know would seriously hurt the other

they know each other pretty well, they grew up together, they know each other's strengths and weaknesses

which is a pretty big advantage for them, honestly

enter,,,, albert dasilva's galaxy brain and the newsies' favorite game

Is Albert A Strategic Genius Or Is He Just In Love With Race

"no i've got this i know race!! i can use that against him!!!! i can guess his every move!!!! that's how well i know him!!!! i can recognize him in a room of like a billion people!!!!! it's my ultra strategic mind!!!! i can tell the sound of his voice from miles away!!!! it's because im so invested!!!!"

specs is like "in the mission or in race"

and albert is like "WHATEVER ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT IT'S MY STRATEGIC MIND"

"I AM A MACHINE SPECS"

"you're chronically dumb"

"S T R A T E G I C M I N D."

albert really came in like well race's plan's gonna be ruined cause IM IN LOVE WITH HIM >:) what a fuckin loser

all this aside,,,,,,, albert never stops trying to get race on their side .

now RACETRACK,,,,,,,,,

we have a WHOLE LOT of being an asshole as a defense mechanism from this boy

in race's eyes, albert abandoned him

in race's eyes, he was given up on. he just wasn't enough to keep him there.

he can't see anything but that and never in a million years would he bring himself to believe albert still cares about him

he'd be getting his hopes too high and letting down his guard, and he can't afford to do that.

race doesn't notice albert trying to help him, he doesn't notice albert very carefully avoiding injuring him, he doesn't notice how albert will never say anything that would hurt him

albert's always protective of race, regardless of if he's beside or against him

which leads us to how once race eventually does get hurt, seriously hurt, literally no one bats an eye when albert returns with race unconscious, demanding they get him help

which they do, cause albert has not shut up about race for like one second, the newsies might as well know as much about him as albert did

naturally when race woke up he,,, had questions

and then he saw albert

he was sat on a chair next to him, sleeping

and this is the first time he's seen him like this in ages

and he gets a little chocked up because holy shit he almost forgot albert was,,,,,like,,, a person

and it wasn't necessary to only see him when fighting

he still had a life and friends and people he loved and he wasn't just this dude who left them because he didn't give a shit about anyone

he could genuinely care for people and he could love people and race just remembered how much he wished he could be one of those people

and how much he wished he could be albert's favorite person again and just sit and talk and laugh with him like they used to

cause that's a part of albert he'd forced himself to just forget about

and then al wakes up and he sees him looking up at him and he's like

"how're you feeling"

and then he's sad cause it's much harder to know albert is a good person with real feelings and he's capable of loving so much and race thinks he's just one of the people who will never get that side of him and he just

"fuck off"

they fight

because of course they do

they're not really sure on what terms they are at this point, and there's so much they need to get out there

at first race is just,,,, stubborn

he won't listen, he demands they let him go back

"we can just let you go, idiot, i shouldn't have ever brought you here in the first place!"

"then why did you?"

and al just shrugs it away as if he hasn't been in love with him for years and would never forgive himself if he left him there to bleed

they just go yelling at each other back and forth for a while until inevitably albert's non-existent impulse control makes his return

and he,,,,, very angrily tells him he loves him

and everything just stops cause that's the one thing race though he'd never hear him say again

and race is literally holding his breath cause he's scared he'll ruin it if he moves in the slightest and it'll all turn out to be in his head but it's not cause when he tells albert he loves him back he's still there and he just,,

takes race's face in his hands and kisses him so softly it's like they weren't just screaming at each other's faces

romeo just fuckin pokes his head in like "i heard yelling but i also heard i love you so i'll assume some of those unresolved feelings were let out and we're all ready to have a nice long healthy chat, yeah? :D"

so they do

they talk. for,,,,,,,,, a long time.

needless to say, race stays

he loves his family and maybe he'll be back for them, maybe he'll help them but he recognizes what's the priority here

plus it's a little clearer now that he doesn't have all those feelings to worry about, and it's been a while since he was actually accepted and loved, which the newsies did instantly. it's pretty obvious where he belongs now.

this au still has,,,,, SO much to unpack, holy shit, but i decided to leave this post here cause,,,,, i can't do all of that now. i might at some point though, if people actually are interested, there's a lot of hurt/comfort from this point. there's the nightmares part which is v soft and i adore it, THERE'S JUST A LOT TO UNPACK. so yeah, i'm finally posting this, ralbert stans, come get y'all's juice.

[hotchley]

i saw your reblog of the Spencer giving Aaron a father's day card thing and i can't stop thinking about how Aaron is the father figure to the entire team now.

(yes I'm also especially thinking about that one scene of Spencer and Derek stuck in the malfunctioning lift shrieking for Aaron just because. 🥴 dad!Hotch ftw!!!!!)

i know this concept has probably been done hundreds of times already but imagine: (SORRY THIS IS GOING TO BE A REALLY LONG ASK, I deeply apologise in advance)

[tw food/eating habits, some references to murder cases because you know this is Criminal Minds, some slight spoilers for people who haven't really watched the show and also reference & mention of autism & a character on the autism spectrum -> just a heads up, a disclaimer, I'm in no way diagnosed with autism, so if i have misrepresented autism, or made any mistakes, i apologise, it wasn't my intention, and i welcome all feedback & criticism — i genuinely want to learn]

a year after Spencer joins the BAU, Aaron notices & becomes very concerned over Spencer's (super bad) eating habits aka him only drinking coffee and forgetting to eat actual proper food when he gets absorbed in cases or research or reading etc -> which results in Aaron absolutely being like "hey Spencer let's grab lunch together" almost everyday just so Spencer eats (healthy, full meals)

(also Spencer picking up on this after Aaron "casually" gets him lunch/treats him to dinner/invites him over for meals for almost every day of the week and he was initially almost irritated/offended until he realised he could use Aaron's habit to make Aaron himself eat properly too because this hypocritical bastard doesn't eat properly himself either so every alternate day you can see Spencer purposely not going for lunch breaks while sneaking glances at Aaron's office just waiting for him to notice and drag them both to lunch together 😌)

also I really think Spencer is on the autistic spectrum (high functioning, imo, but I'm not really sure how this works, and I'd have to do more research) so I'd like to imagine Aaron knows that too because he's noticed Spencer's behaviors + Spencer got an official diagnosis and told him about it maybe 6-7 months into joining the BAU so I really think Aaron lets Spencer stim (physically, his hand gestures) on their lunch break because he knows that Spencer can't really do that in front of the others, so even when they're on cases, he would take Spencer out either for a private lunch or dinner or something, just the two of them, and he'd let Spencer stim & talk about any subject of his fancy as much as he wants to (I'm pretty sure someone wrote a fic like this and I absolutely can't remember the name or the author but I really LOVED the idea too)

initially Spencer was really taken aback too, because you know, this isn't something you do with your boss, of all people, but Hotch had always meant what he says and his facial expression and body language suggested that he was being absolutely sincere and serious about this, so Spencer tentatively started talking, and as their meal progressed, he eventually got comfortable enough to just go on, and not once did Aaron cut him off rudely, until the end of their meal, when Aaron couldn't continue to pretend to drink his soup because he'd finished it somehow with those incredibly small spoonfuls, and he'd had to gently tell Spencer that they had to go back, but Spencer wasn't upset, because he'd just got over an hour to talk about this recent seminar about the connection of ancient Greek mythology to the developments of the society in ancient Greece which no one had ever done for him before and he's full, satisfied and beyond elated because Hotch really didn't have to do this, but he did anyways

at first it was just something between them but eventually Derek noticed & like in the end I think it's a kind of open secret between Aaron, Spencer & Derek and now when Derek notices Aaron doing it he gives Aaron a small nod and he wards off & deals with the questions that the others have when they inevitably notices the private meals Aaron & Spencer has

speaking of Derek, Aaron definitely has 1 on 1 time with Derek too, but doing different things. Derek's thing is sports & home renovations, and he repairs/maintains cars & bikes when he can, and I like to imagine Aaron knowing about his hobbies and casually asking Derek about the home renovation he's working on one time (before or early S1) Derek came into his office to submit a case file, and Derek being kind of shocked/caught by surprised initially (because he knows Hotch has a soft spot for the kid because he's much younger and much, much more inexperienced but Derek's older and should know better, so Hotch won't do the whole private lunch thing with him, right?) but then he grins and starts telling Aaron about how "I got that place absolutely shining right now, man" and then he invites Aaron over to take a look at the place out of courtesy/habit (his mama raised him as a good, polite young man, and no way Hotch would even say yes right?) and to his surprise once again, Aaron does accept his invitation

after that one time, Aaron begins casually asking him about his projects and even starts offering to help him do some of the painting and decorating (to be fair, it calms Aaron too, to have a getaway from Haley and initially from the crying baby, because while he absolutely loved Haley and Jack with all his heart, some days, some days he just couldn't take it, all the stress from Strauss and from trying to be a good father unlike his own, and he had to take some time off to himself, and painting walls is calming and therapeutic to him in some sense) & Derek and Aaron start bonding over hotdogs while sitting out on the front porch of some halfway remodelled house, talking about the latest sports news (they support different baseball teams but that's okay, because Derek gets to grin at Hotch and ask him to pay up when Hotch's team loses to his, and Aaron gets to raise his eyebrows with that small knowing smirk of his and ask Derek to "complete this by the next weekend, will you" when Derek's team loses to his)

when Aaron recruits Penelope, he's read her file, or what little the FBI's cyberteam got on her anyways. he knows the Black Queen's reputation, and he knows that the cyberteam really don't trust her and recommended high levels of surveillance, but the moment he saw her through the glass of the interrogation room and her resume & application on pink paper, he knew that she's not just what the file said she is. initially, she sticks to the "bureau regulated office attire" because you know, Penelope knows she's lucky, she should've been jailed for what she did, she was jailed, until this Aaron Hotchner guy decided, somehow, that she was deserving to be on his team, even after looking at her resume, which she had written on pink paper out of pure spite (because nothing in the FBI rulebooks said anything about submitting your application on specialized coloured paper anyways) but she was moody and unhappy because she's stuck in this tiny office having to answer the phone whenever agents called to ask for details on icky, gruesome murders and disgusting, vile murderers so she decides that hey, since no one ever comes in here anyways, she might as well do some re-decorating right? so she starts bringing in her own soft toys and figurines and starts amassing a whole collection of soft, plushy, and colourful toys in because it's her office and if she has to deal with all these yucky stuff on a daily basis she's going to make it at least bearable to be in here

one day, some tall, stern looking guy just comes into her office with this Tupperware in his hands saying "hey, Garcia right? my wife made some extra cupcakes for the team, you want some?" and she asks "do i know you?" and he blinks, stands there for one, two seconds before- "sorry, i forgot we haven't actually met. Special Supervisory Agent Aaron Hotchner, assistant unit chief of BAU Team 1, nice to meet you," [i like to headcannon that before Boston & all, Hotch was Gideon's assistant, some kind of assistant unit chief probably, but while he wasn't yet the unit chief he was definitely taking care of most, if not all of the administration matters i.e. hiring new agents etc already because let's be real Gideon is caring & capable but really hands off sometimes (also in S1E1 Derek referred to Gideon as their Unit Chief so I assumed Hotch took over the position full time, officially somewhere between S1E1 and S1E2 or 3)]

and then Garcia's brain kind of short-circuits because holy shit this is her BOSS, aka the guy who somehow, crazily looked at her resume and decided to HIRE her and she just asked him if she knew him OH GOD ALL THOSE FIGURINES- and she tries to explain because she really didn't mean to break any rules with them and they aren't, are they? and she can remove them but just, please, she can't go back to prison.

but then Agent Hotchner just goes "hey, hey, Penelope. it's fine. I understand. this is your office, and you have the right to decorate it. I'm not going to fire you over.... My Little Ponies? and uh, some unicorns?" and Penelope can't help but laugh because he genuinely looks baffled by her collection on her desk, and did he just call her Penelope?

and after that, once, after a bad case that Aaron knew affected Penelope (it involved murdered parents & their only child left orphaned and it just hit too close to home for Penelope), he stopped by a local toy shop and bought the brightest, most sparkly, most colourful thing he could find in there (it ended up being a small figurine of a princess on a small, detachable throne that could light up and play some really funky pop music. Aaron cringed internally as he brought it over to the counter, and awkwardly nodded as the cashier asked, "buying this for your daughter, sir? she's going to love it, it's the latest in a collectable series" and he pretended to not see the questioning eyebrow that Derek gave him after seeing the package) and when he presented it to Penelope when they got back, he got the biggest and most bone crushing hug ever from Penelope because "aw that's so sweet, thank you! and you got me the latest in the collection! it's limited edition!" and it just ended up becoming a tradition — Penelope always looks forward to the end of a case now, not only because that means her people are coming home, safe, in one piece (sometimes debatable but still, they're coming home, to her) but it also means that Hotch has brought her yet another tiny figurine or souvenir to add to her collection and she can't wait to see what it is, and Hotch always, always, finds the time after they've wrapped up the case, before the jet leaves, to pop by a local toy shop to get both Penelope and later, when he's older, Jack some toys or souvenir from wherever state he's in, because he wants both of them to know, that despite all the bad out there, there is still good in the world, and they should never forget that

OKAY this ask is SUPER LONG already i apologise skfjsk i have ideas for JJ & Emily but idk if you'd even wanna continue reading them... (maybe.... give me a sign and I'll send another ask and write it? 🥴)

anyways this was just something that came up and i had to write it out 🥺 sorry for spamming you, i hope you're having a great day/night ahead.

- 🌙

Hi so I'm putting everything below the cut for scrolling purposes x

He is!!

Oh my god, I love that scene. It came up in a TikTok about ships, because Person A and Person B are both very smart when they're alone, but put them together and it cancels out, and it made me laugh.

I also love Dad Hotch. Like I love him as much as I love "fighting to keep his emotions in check because he needs to be a leader, but you can tell from the slight change in tone, or the slight glaze of his eyes that he's seconds away from crying" Hotch. Which is saying something.

DON'T APOLOGISE FOR LONG ASKS!! That's what the keep reading on posts is for :))

Oh I love how much Hotch cares about Reid, and of course Reid uses it to his advantage to get Hotch to do the same, because they're similar in that way. Also, he would definitely start grinning when Hotch looks down at his empty plate like: oh. Platonic Hotchreid is everything to me, because it's these two people that have been caretakers their entire life trying to look after another person that wouldn't let anyone do that and it's just... the HOTCH ANGST POTENTIAL THAT IS SO UNTAPPED!!!

Also, not a criticism of you, but from what I've heard from people is that functioning labels are harmful and shouldn't be used because it misrepresents the situation!

I love that idea though!! And Derek being protective over them so he's just like: no, you won't interrupt them, and I will take control of the situation for a few hours AAH!!

OH I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT MORGAN AND HOTCH BONDING!! It's so perfect!! I love the idea of Morgan teaching Hotch to do things, and Hotch realising how relaxing he finds it to do these things.

And because we can't have nice things: he refuses to go after Foyet breaks into his apartment because he doesn't deserve peace, but then Morgan just uses his key, drags him out, takes him to a house and presses a brush into his hand because he's not going to let his friend self destruct like this.

EVERYTHING ABOUT GARCIA!! OH MY GOD!! I need to get some work done, so I'm going to finish up there, but seriously!! Amazing!! I love the idea of Hotch getting her little figurines and stuff <33

(shameless self promo, she does the same for him in "and he will come back home" hehe)

I would love to hear the Emily and JJ ones!! I hope that's the sign you need :)

Don't apologise for spamming I was having a dull day, and I hope you have a good day too!

[angelsswirl]

Petrichor

Four

Notes: The story's not over yet....

Content Warning⚠️: mild smut

...

"You loved what you loved because you loved it."

It's been weeks. Weeks of you falling deeper and deeper into this mess you somehow forced yourself into.

Weeks of getting to know Rosé. Weeks of getting to know Jisoo. Weeks of getting to know Lia, for that matter.

Weeks of being sucked into a cycle of never-ending uncertainty.

And sure you knew plenty about them at this point. The little stuff, the medium stuff, but maybe not the big stuff.

If someone had asked you weeks ago if you had wanted to be in a serious relationship, mated to an alpha for the foreseeable future, you would have told them 'No. Absolutely not. I'm not ready.' But now, that's changed. And you're not exactly sure why.

In addition to suddenly wanting to be someone's omega, your heats had magically increased, in frequency and intensity. They were somehow bulldozing their way through your normal dosage of suppressants.

It was why you currently found yourself in the waiting room of your doctor's office.

Though, as you waited to be called back by the nurse, that was not the pertinent thought weighing down on you. Instead, it was 'Did Jisoo or Rosé want a serious relationship with you as well? Did they want you to be their mate?'

The million-dollar question.

You had no real way of knowing. It definitely seemed like it on both their parts, but outright asking was out of the question.

Jisoo had a daughter, a daughter who will inevitably one day realize that you look nothing like her. She'll long for the care of her biological mother, and then Jisoo will leave you so their family is complete.

A logical conclusion.

Rosé has an ex, an ex that, granted, you're not supposed to know about (Yeri is very talkative when drunk), but an ex nonetheless. It's only fair that Rosé realizes that she has unfinished business with said ex while you're pregnant with her pups, and leaves you for the ex.

Another logical conclusion.

And where does all of that leave you?

Alone.

The nurse calling your name lightly soothed you out of your musing, saving you from answering your own question with even more ugly scenarios.

"Y/N L/N? You can go on back." The nurse, an omega herself, smiled reassuringly as she gestured for you to follow her.

She lead you to an examination room after weighing you in the hallway. After a few preliminary questions that you had to answer every time you visited, the nurse left you to wait.

Seven minutes later there's a knock on the door and a creaking of the hinges.

Dr. Ramona Davis, another omega woman, smiled softly as she flipped through your mildly thin file.

Despite you being a patient at this particular practice since you started having heats, you had never really had any serious isssues.

It wasn't uncommon for an Omega Specialist to be an alpha, but they probably saw way less patients. It made more sense for an omega to be seeing a doctor who would understand what they were going through on a medical and a personal level.

Dr. Davis placed the file on the counter in the room before squirting some hand sanitizer on, rubbing it in, then shaking your hand.

"Hello Y/N, what brings you in today? I haven't had to see you in a year." The concern on the woman's fair features was genuine. You took great appreciation in that. You hated Doctor's offices and the almost motherly nature of the omega doctor assuaged your anxiety greatly.

"Um, yeah. Recently, my heats have been coming way more frequently than normal and they're very intense. My suppressants are barely putting a dent in them."

"Oh, that is concerning. You rarely come to me for heat problems." The doctor's eyebrows furrowed.

Dr. Davis did a quick check of your breathing, then ears and nose.

The omega doctor sat back on her rolling stool with a sigh, "Are your heat symptoms normal? Anything really out of the ordinary?"

A blush settled over your cheeks. You thought for a second, other than being more intense you didn't think that your symptoms have been out of the ordinary really, "I don't think so. The normal overheating, bones aching so bad I can't move, loss of appetite, and really bad night terrors, but I think that has more to do with the fact that this is my first year living by myself in the center of New York City. Yeah, all of that but dialed up by, like, 10." You mused, you shrugged your shoulders in the end as if to say 'Y'know, the usual.'

Ramona stared at you blankly for a solid three minutes before speaking again, "Y/N. None of that is normal. I have half a mind to call your mom and tell her what you just told me. The only thing stopping me is doctor-patient confidentiality."

You pouted, your mother didn't need to know any of this. She was dealing with her own things. It's the very reason you hadn't mentioned this to either of your parents. Also, you hadn't really known that anything was wrong. You really just came here to get a higher dosage of suppressants.

Dr. Davis rubbed a hand down her face, "How long have your heats been like this?"

"Since I started having them, but they didn't get really bad until like six weeks ago give or take."

Ramona nodded, "You said this was the first time you're living fully by yourself. How long has it been since you lived with an alpha?"

"Uh, not since being home with my dad. I'm 24 and I moved out at 18, so, six years ago." You frowned. You desperately needed to find out where the professional was going with this. 

Ramona thought for a second. She had a hunch, of what part of the problem was. She can't really do anything about the "normal" heat symptoms but she does have a cure that should dial back the frequency and intensity, she just had a sneaking suspicion that you would absolutely hate it. Because if you didn't hate the idea, then the problem would be fixed already.

But first, a couple more questions, "When was the last time you were knotted?"

"Like three years ago?"

Dr. Davis surmises that you must have impeccable self-control and she's not sure if that's a good thing or not.

"Okay, last question before I let you in on my thought process. Have you been in close proximity to any unmated alphas lately? Like not just standing behind one in a line or sitting next to one in class, I mean actually spending time with any."

"Yeah...two." You were starting to pick up the pieces, and no, you did not like where this is going.

"Ah, the final piece of the puzzle," Ramona wrote some notes down on your file, "Alright. So here's what I think is going on, you haven't been in the presence of an alpha for at least three years.  And all of a sudden you're surrounded by two. Probably encountering many more pheromones than you had in the past three years combined.  It doesn't help that those alphas are readily available and your omega is very aware of this. Your heats are out of wack because, one, it sounds like you've just been chugging through them like nothing is wrong, not taking a knot or anything even remotely useful, and two, because of these new alphas. It's almost like your teasing your omega and she's fighting back. Triggering random and intense heats to trick you into mating with one of them."

You stared back at her absolutely horrified, "I'm trying to kill myself?"

"That's not what I said."

"That's what it sounded like. Anyway, how do I get it to stop? I'm sure you know this isn't very fun."

"I can imagine. There's really one way that can help..."

"Stop stalling, Doc."

"You're going to have to take one of their knots. I know, I know. Stop looking at me like that. It's the only way. Once you do that, your omega will calm down and you can go back to your life. Look, it doesn't even have to be one of theirs. You're going to do that and I'm going to write you a prescription for some muscle relaxers but your suppressants are staying the same."

You looked like you wanted to puke at the thought of doing that with anyone else other than Jisoo or Rosé.

"Okay, it has to be one of theirs."

You still looked a bit apprehensive. 

Ramona sighed, it looked like she was going to have to pretend to be her wife today. Her wife was a psychologist who worked down the hall.

"What's got you so hesitant, Y/N?"

You sighed and your shoulders slumped, "I don't want to have to choose between them. I like them both. A lot."

"Who said you have to choose? You might eventually when you're ready to mate, but for now, you don't have to worry about that."

"What if I am ready to mate?" You mumbled.

"Then yeah, you might have a problem on your hands."

You threw your hands up in the air exasperated, "I don't even know if they would even want to have sex with me."

Ramona rolled her eyes at that, "Okay, here's what you're going to do. I'm going to sit here, and you're going call both of them and ask." 

You began to protest, "Ah. No. You're going to do it. I can tell you've been putting this off and it's starting to nag at you. You're a 24-year-old unmated omega. There is absolutely no reason you should be doubting your sex appeal."

"Fine," You grumbled. Your hands shook as you picked up your phone and tapped on your recents. They were both coincidently the last people you had talked to. Rosé being the latest, as you were confirming plans for later that day.

Rosé answered on the second ring, "Hey, Babe. What's up?"

You blushed at the pet name, you sighed before deciding to just rip it off like a bandaid, "Do you want to have sex with me?"

There's a clattering and then a curse on the other end. A second later Rosé started speaking again, "I'm sorry, I dropped my phone. Yes. The answer is yes." You hung up without another word. A heavy blush encompassing your harsh scowl at Ramona.

It seemed like Jisoo answered the phone before you even pressed the call button, "Kim Crematorium. You kill 'em, we grill 'em. How may I help you?"

"How many times do I have to tell you that's not funny?"

"...Until I believe you."

"Anyway. Do you want to have sex with me?"

It sounded like Jisoo started to hyperventilate.

"I very do a lot."

"What?"

"Yes. The answer is yes."

You hung up and glared at the doctor, "Happy?"

"Are you?" 

You had never felt a boost of confidence such as the verbal reassurance of alphas being sexually attracted to you, but Ramona didn't need to know that.

"So, now you know they want to. The next step is to do it." Dr. Davis patted you on the shoulder reassuringly. 

You nodded resolutely. The next step is to do it. 

Dr. Davis handed you the prescription for the muscle relaxers and ushered you out the door.

~•~

You arrived at Rosé's penthouse with a renewed sense of determination.

You were let into the fancy apartment building and then into the penthouse fairly easily. You assumed Rosé had prepared whoever needed to be prepared for your arrival.

Rosé, over lunch one day, had finally let slip her actual job description. You had only shrugged more or less. You weren't stupid. You don't wear custom Armani suits and pay for your Starbucks with a black credit card without being the CEO of something.

Rosé seemed forever grateful you hadn't made a big deal about it.

As soon as you laid eyes on Rosé your core clenched. The alpha was only wearing a grey t-shirt and a pair of dark wash skinny jeans, and yet for some reason, you still got weak in the knees. 

Rosé greeted you with a peck on the cheek and a happy smile, "How was your day?"

You blinked, "Interesting. How was yours?"

"Boring at first. It's my first day off in months and I didn't know what to do with myself. Then I got an interesting phone call from an interesting person asking an interesting question. So I'd say my day was interesting as well."

Rosé led them deeper into the penthouse, which you later will realize is only the first floor.

"Yeah, sorry if I caught you off guard with that?" You looked down and blushed. A go to move of yours.

Rosé shrugged, "It's fine. I admired the forwardness...So, I was originally going to cook for you, but then at the very last second, I remembered I can't cook. But I can drink wine. And I'm very good at buying it too, so I figured we could have an impromptu wine tasting." Rosé gestured into her kitchen where a bunch of glasses filled with different pigments of wine had been set up.

"You just want to see me drunk." You tapped Rosé playfully on the arm.

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't have any ulterior motives."

You made it three glasses in before you practically jumped Rosé. In your defense, your mini-heat was still simmering under the surface.

Your lips smashed together in a desperate ruse for you to get closer to Rosé. Rosé's hands on your hips and your hands in her hair. You released your grip on the taller woman's hair, you reached down to your shirt. Gripping at the hem and yanking it overhead.

Rosé blinked slowly, "Are you sure?" She asked, even as your hands traveled to the belt buckle on her jeans. 

You captured Rosé's lips again in a quick, searing kiss, "What about any of this says unsure to you?"

That's all Rosé needs to continue.

It's not really evident how you two got into Rosé's room and subsequently her bed. Both of you had sort of partially blacked out.

Save for her underwear, Rosé was completely naked as she nipped at your neck. You mewled and whined, your hips rolling up into Rosé's thigh.

"You're so wet." Rosé practically growled into your ear. She can easily tell by the amount collecting on her thigh every time you bucked your hips.

"Alpha, need you inside of me."

Rosé is all too happy to oblige. She kicked off her boxers quickly, then leaned over toward her bedside table. She rummaged around in the drawer without looking. You were completely naked under her, her eyes were bit preoccupied.

It took about 20 more seconds for the alpha to locate what she had been looking for. 

"Safety first," Rosé exclaimed as she held up the condom. You rolled your eyes, a bit too far gone to care about safety at the moment. This all seemed like a waste of precious time to you.

It felt like ages before Rosé was finally inside of you. You couldn't help but clench just about as soon as she had entered.

The relief you felt was almost instantaneous. That feeling of finally being filled almost pushed you over the edge right then and there.

Rosé rocked her hips back lightly. Allowing you to adjust.

You did so quickly apparently. Your hips rocking up into Rosé once again.

"Chae, harder."

Rosé grunted and obliged. Her hips slamming into the you harder than before. You were about as tight as Rosé had imagined you would be, and that was serving to make this that much more difficult.

She'd be damned if she didn't even last ten minutes. How embarrassing would that be?

"Fuck." You moaned breathily. You felt like you were floating. The coil in your stomach tightening in time with the curling of your toes.

"You're so gorgeous." Rosé whispered into your shoulder. She nipped at the skin there, trying to abate her need to bite your mating gland.

You're not listening. You can feel Rosé's knot beginning to form, and your main goal is to get it inside of you. So, you relaxed as much as you could and wrapped your legs around Rosé's waist. Pulling her closer.

You both released almost identical moans.

"God, you're trying to kill me." Rosé grunted just as her knot popped into you.

It took just about all her willpower not to latch onto your neck.

Your back arched as you fell over the edge. Your breathy moans becoming a bit more high pitched.

Rosé groaned as she released into the condom.

As you both came down you began to giggle.

Rosé scowled, "What are you laughing at?"

"Oh, calm down. I'm laughing because I normally pride my self on having great self control. I demonstrated quite the opposite just then."

"Hey, we all need to let go every once in a while." Rosé shrugged and shifted you to a more comfortable position.

You gasped as you felt the knot tug a bit. You would be tied together for a bit longer.

You sighed happily, then snuggled closer into Rosé.

Within seconds, you're out like a light.

~•~

You woke to your phone vibrating precariously next to your head.

In the night, you and Rosé had since shifted. No longer tied. Your back was pressed into Rosé's front, with her arm slung across your waist.

You answered your phone without looking at caller id.

"Hello?"

"Hey. You weren't sleep were you?" You frowned at the tone of Jisoo's voice. She sounded exhausted and maybe even a little upset.

"No. Why? What's up?"

Jisoo huffed a bit before sighing, "Do you mind coming over here and watching Lia for a bit. She's not feeling well and I need to go pick up some medicine for her. I know it's late-"

"I'll be right over, Jisoo."

"Thanks."

It's surprisingly easy for you to slip out from under Rosé. Tiptoe out of the room, locate your clothes, then head out the apartment. All without waking her.

~•~

You're at Jisoo's in record time. You smoothed out your wrinkled shirt before knocking on the door lightly.

It doesn't occur to you that Jisoo is most definitely going to smell Rosé on you until Jisoo opens the door and looks at you like that.

Part sad, part angry, part prooven right?

Her jaw is clenched and she won't look you in the eyes. Instead she looked right past you into the hallway. You wanted to say something. Apologize maybe. Deal out excuses. You're not sure. Jisoo beat you to it anyway.

"...Thank you. I didn't want to bring her with me at risk of her getting sicker. And everyone else was busy. Or Asleep." Jisoo looked a bit resigned. Like she expected this and it was what it was.

She brushed passed you easily, then hurrried down to her car. She might punch her dashboard out of anger and jealousy, but it's the middle of the night. No one is there to confirm or deny that part.

You took a deep breath. You didn't like that look Jisoo gave you. It made you feel gross, guilty, and quite frankly, sick to your stomach.

You don't have time to wallow, because you can hear Lia whimpering through the baby monitor placed on the coffee table.

You walked into the toddler's room to find Lia balancing over the ledge of crib. Clearly in the middle of an escape.

"Hi, Li. Do you mind if I help you?"

Lia huffed before reaching for you. You scooped the child into your arms easily. Lia cuddled herself into your neck.

"Thank you for letting me help. You give the best hugs."

The toddler lifted her head from your shoulder, "Better than mama?"

You chuckled lightly, "Yes, better hugs than your mom."

Lia laid her head back as you walked back to the livingroom. You sat down on the sofa as you waited for Jisoo to get back.

"Don't feel good." Lia mumbled tiredly into your neck.

"I know you don't. That's why your mom went to go get some medicine for you. You know, I think you hit the mom jackpot with that one."

Lia shrugged and yawned. It's only about three seconds later that the toddler passes out.

You just continued to rub the girl's back.

~•~

Jisoo came back to see Lia passed out on your chest, and you passed out on the couch.

She begrudgingly took a pic of the admittedly adorable sight.

She eventually decided to post the picture to her Instagram. Jealousy only partially driving that decision.

Jisoo pocketed her phone and stood in the door way for a few more seconds. Lia looked very content to stay where she was, so Jisoo let her.

She sighed, "I'm working on it, kid. I just wish I knew what I was up against."

~•~

You woke up without the crick in your neck you thought you would. You soon realized it was because you were in a bed and not on the couch you had vaguely remembered falling asleep on.

You hobbled out of the bed. You peered into Lia's room to find her sleeping soundly in the crib.

You then padded into the living room next. The tv was on but it didn't seem obvious that it was being watched.

"Morning." You jumped clear out of your skin.

You turned around to the voice. Jisoo was standing at the kitchen island, sipping on a cup of coffee. Jisoo looked like she had gotten exactly zero hours of sleep that night. Her face was blank and she was wearing the same thing she had left in.

"Morning... How'd I get into your bed?"

"I carried you there. You looked uncomfortable." Jisoo's face remained blank. Her eyes pointed in the direction of the television.

"Where did you sleep?"

"I didn't."

"Chu."

"Thanks for watching Lia again." Jisoo's jaw clenched and her leg bounced on the linoleum, "I'll see you later."

You wrapped your arms around yourself. You nodded as you headed for the front door.

"Tell Lia I'll see her next week?"

Jisoo only hummed.

You took a shakey breath as you left the apartment. You left the building with arms still wrapped around yourself.

Somehow, this felt more like the walk of shame then leaving Rosé's had.

You pulled out your phone and dialed a familiar number.

"What's up?"

"Can we meet up, I really need to talk."

"Of course. You know where to meet me. Give me ten minutes."

You breathed a watery sigh of relief, "Thank you."