#WHAT IS IT WITH HER AND MENTIONING THE 1950S IN SONGS LATELY AS A BOOK CANON PERSON I COULD JUST ABOUT DIE

[reddieswift]

.............reddie......................

[matttgirlies]

Matt & Me 🎀

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24

a story heavily based on Priscilla Presley’s Book “Elvis & Me” based in the 1950’s - 1970’s.

fem! reader x singer! matt

disclaimer!! - in no way am i saying matt would ever support or do these kind of things, for the sake of the book certain unethical things do happen at times.

warnings - age gap,, i think thats all

all of the songs and celebrities mentioned in here are from the time periods this was written if you are confused🩷

Chapter 1

It was 1956. I was living with my family at the Bergstrom Air Force Base in Austin, Texas, where my father, then Captain, Joseph Paul y/ln, a career officer, was stationed. He came home late for dinner one evening and handed me a record album.

“I don’t know what this Matt guy is all about,” he said, “but he must be something special. I stood in line with half the Air Force at the PX to get this for you; everybody wants it.”

I put the record on the hi-fi and heard the rocking music of “Blue Suede Shoes.” The album was titled Matt Sturniolo. It was his first.

Like almost every other kid in America, I liked Matt but not as fanatically as many of my girl friends at Del Valley Junior High. They all had Matt T-shirts and Matt hats and Matt socks and even lipstick in colors with names like Hound Dog Orange and Heartbreak Pink referencing names of his songs. Matt was everywhere, on bubblegum cards and Bermuda shorts, on diaries and wallets and pictures that glowed in the dark. The boys at school began trying to look like him, with their fluffy hair and turned up collars.

One girl was so crazy about him that she was running his local fan club. She said I could join for twenty-five cents, the price of a book she’d ordered for me by mail. When I received it, I was shocked to see a picture of Matt signing the bare chests of a couple of girls, at that time an unheard-of act.

Then I saw him on television on Jimmy and Tommy Dorsey’s Stage Show. He was sexy and handsome, with his deep brooding eyes, pouty lips, and crooked smile. He strutted out to the microphone, spread his legs, leaned back, and strummed his guitar. Then he began singing with such confidence, moving his body with unbridled sexuality. Despite myself, I was attracted.

Some members of his adult audience were less enthusiastic. Soon his performances were labeled obscene. My mother stated emphatically that he was “a bad influence for teenage girls. He arouses things in them that shouldn’t be aroused. If there’s ever a mothers’ march against Matt Sturniolo, I’ll be the first in line.”

But I’d heard that despite all of his stage antics and lustful, tough-guy looks, Matt came from a strict Southern Christian background. He was a country boy who didn’t smoke or drink, who loved and honored his parents, and who addressed all adults as “sir” or “ma’am.”

I was an Air Force child, a shy, pretty little girl, unhappily accustomed to moving from base to base every two or three years. By the time I was eleven, I had lived in six different cities and, fearful of not being accepted, I either kept to myself or waited for someone to befriend me. I found it especially difficult entering a new school in the middle of the year, when cliques had already been established and newcomers were considered outsiders.

Small and petite, with long y/hc hair, y/ec eyes, and an upturned nose, I was always stared at by the other students. At first girls would see me as a rival, afraid I’d take their boyfriends away. I seemed to feel more comfortable with boys—and they were usually friendlier.

People always said I was the prettiest girl in school, but I never felt that way. I was skinny, practically scrawny, and even if I was as cute, as people said, I wanted to have more than just good looks. Only with my family did I really feel totally protected and loved. Close and supportive, they provided my stability.

A photographer’s model before her marriage, my mother was totally devoted to her family. As the oldest, it was my responsibility to help her with the kids. After me, there were Don, four years younger, and Michelle, my only sister, who was five years younger than Don. Jeff and the twins, Tim and Tom, hadn’t yet been born.

My mother was too shy to talk about the facts of life, so my sex education came in school, when I was in the sixth grade. Some kids were passing around a book that looked like the Bible from the outside, but when you opened it, there were pictures of men making love to women, and women making love to each other.

My body was changing and stirring with new feelings. I’d gotten looks from boys at school, and once a picture of me in a tight turtleneck sweater was stolen from the school bulletin board. Yet I was still a child, embarrassed about my own sexuality. I fantasized endlessly about French-kissing, but when my friends who hung around our house played spin the bottle, it would take me half an hour to let a boy kiss my pursed lips.

My strong, handsome father was the center of our world. He was a hard worker who had earned his degree in Business Administration at University of Texas. At home he ran a tight ship. He was a firm believer in discipline and responsibility, and he and I frequently knocked heads. When I became a cheerleader at thirteen, it was all I could do to convince him to let me go to out-of-town games. Other times no amount of crying, pleading, or appealing to my mother would change his mind. When he laid down the law, that was that.

I managed to get around him occasionally. When he refused to let me wear a tight skirt, I joined the Girl Scouts specifically so I could wear their tight uniform.

My parents were survivors. Although they often had to struggle financially, we children were the last to feel it. When I was a little girl my mother sewed pretty tablecloths to cover the orange crates that we used as end tables. Rather than do without, we made the best of what we had.

Dinner was strictly group participation: Mother cooked, one of us set the table, and the rest cleaned up. Nobody got away with anything, but we were very supportive of one another. I felt fortunate to have a close-knit family.

Going through old albums of family photographs showing my parents when they were young fascinated me. I was curious about the past. World War II intrigued me, especially since my father had fought with the Marines on Okinawa. He looked handsome in his uniform—you could tell he was posing for my mother—but somehow his smile looked out of place, especially when you realized where he was. When I read the note on the back of the picture about how much he missed my mother, my eyes filled with tears.

While rummaging through the family keepsakes I came upon a small wooden box. Inside was a carefully folded American flag, the kind that I knew was given to servicemen’s widows. Also inside the box was a picture of my mother with her arm around a strange man and, sitting on her lap, an infant. On the back of the photo was inscribed “Mommy, Daddy, y/n.” I had discovered a family secret.

Feeling betrayed, I ran to phone my mother, who was at a party nearby. Within minutes I was in her arms, crying as she calmed me and explained that when I was six months old, my real father, Lieutenant James Wagner, a handsome Navy pilot, had been killed in a plane crash while returning home on leave. Two and a half years later, she married Paul y/ln, who adopted me and had always loved me as his own.

Mother suggested I keep my discovery from the other children. She felt it would endanger our family closeness, though when it did become known, it had no effect on our feelings for one another. She gave me a gold locket that my father had given her. I cherished that locket and wore it for years and fantasized that my father died a great hero. In times of emotional pain and loneliness he would become my guardian angel.

By the end of the year, I’d been nominated to run for Queen of Del Valley Junior High. This was my first taste of politics and competition and it was especially trying because I was running against Millie Collins, my best friend.

We each had a campaign manager introducing us as we went from house to house knocking on doors. My manager tried to talk each person into voting for me and donating a penny or more per vote to a school fund. The nominee who collected the most money won. I was sure that this competition would jeopardize my friendship with Millie, which was more important to me than winning. I considered quitting but felt I couldn’t let my parents or my supporters down. While my mother was out looking for a dress for me to wear to the coronation, my dad kept reminding me to memorize an acceptance speech. I kept putting it off, certain I was going to lose.

It was the last day of the campaign, and a rumor began circulating that Millie’s grandparents had put in a hundred-dollar bill for their vote. My parents were disappointed; there was no way that they could afford to match that much money and even if they could, they objected on principle.

The night they announced the winner, I was all dressed up in a new turquoise blue, strapless tulle net formal that itched so badly I couldn’t wait to take it off. I sat beside Millie on the dais in the large school auditorium. I could see my parents with happy, confident looks on their faces though I was sure they were going to be disheartened. Then the principal walked up to the podium.

“And now,” she said, hesitating to heighten the suspense, “is the moment you’ve all been waiting for  . . . the culmination of a month of campaigning by our two lovely contestants: y/n y/ln  . . .” All eyes turned toward me. I blushed and glanced at Millie. “ . . . and Millie Collins.” Our eyes locked for a brief, tense moment.

“The new Queen of Del Valley Junior High is  . . .” A drum roll sounded. “ . . . y/n y/ln.”

The audience applauded wildly. I was in shock. Called up to the stage to give my speech, I had none. Sure that I was going to lose, I’d never even bothered to write one. I walked, trembling, to the podium, then looked out at the crowded auditorium. All I could see was my father’s face, growing more disappointed as he realized I had nothing to say. When I finally spoke, it was to apologize.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m not prepared to give a speech, as I did not expect to win. But thank you very much for voting for me. I’ll do my very best.” And then, looking at my father, I added, “I’m sorry, Dad.”

I was surprised as the audience graciously applauded, but I still had to face my father and hear him say, “I told you so.”

Being elected Queen was a bittersweet victory, because the closeness that Millie and I once shared was restrained. Still, to me that crown symbolized a wonderful, unfamiliar feeling: acceptance.

My newfound tranquility ended abruptly when my father announced that he was being transferred to Wiesbaden, West Germany.

I was crushed. Germany was the other side of the world. All my fears returned. My first thought was, What am I going to do about my friends? I turned to my mother, who was sympathetic and reminded me that we were in the Air Force and moving was an unavoidable part of our lives.

I finished junior high school, my mother gave birth to baby Jeff, and we said our goodbyes to neighbors and good friends. Everyone promised to write or call, but remembering past promises I knew better. My friend Stephanie jokingly told me that Matt Sturniolo was stationed in Bad Neuheim, West Germany. “Do you believe it? You’re going to be in the same country as Matt Sturniolo,” she said. We looked at a map and found that Bad Neuheim was close to Wiesbaden. I said back, “I’m going over there to meet Matt.” We both laughed, hugged each other, and said goodbye.

West Germany

The fifteen-hour flight to West Germany seemed interminable, but finally we arrived in the beautiful old city of Wiesbaden, headquarters of the U.S. Air Force in Europe. There we checked into the Helene Hotel, a massive and venerable building on the main thoroughfare. After three months, hotel living became too expensive and we began looking for a place to rent.

We felt lucky to find a large apartment in a vintage building constructed long before World War I. Soon after we moved in, we noticed that all the other apartments were rented to single girls. These Fräuleins walked around all day long in robes and negligees, and at night they were dressed to kill. Once we learned a little German, we realized that, although the pension was very discreet, we were living in a brothel.

Moving was out of the question—housing was too scarce—but the location did little to help me to adjust. Not only was I isolated from other American families, but there was the language barrier. I was accustomed to changing schools frequently, but a foreign country posed altogether new problems, principally that I couldn’t share my thoughts. I began to feel that my life had stopped dead in its tracks.

September came and with it, school. Once again I was the new girl. I was no longer popular and secure as I’d been at Del.

There was a place called the Eagles Club, where American service families went for dinner and entertainment. It was within walking distance of the pension and soon proved an important discovery for me. Every day after school, I’d go to the snack bar there and listen to the jukebox and write letters to my friends back home in Austin, telling them how much I missed them. Drowning in tears, I’d spend my weekly allowance playing the songs that were very popular back in the States—Frankie Avalon’s “Venus” and the Everly Brothers’ “All I Have to Do Is Dream.”

One warm summer afternoon, I was sitting with my brother Don when I noticed a handsome man in his twenties staring at me. I’d seen him watching me before, but I’d never paid any attention to him. This time, he stood up and walked toward me. He introduced himself as Steven Wright and asked my name.

“y/n y/ln,” I said, immediately suspicious; he was much older than me.

He asked where in the States I came from, how I liked Germany, and if I liked Matt Sturniolo.

“Of course,” I said, laughing. “Who doesn’t?”

“I’m a good friend of his. My wife and I go to his house quite often. How would you like to join us one evening?”

Unprepared for such an extraordinary invitation, I grew even more skeptical and guarded. I told him I’d have to ask my parents. Over the course of the next two weeks, Steven met my parents and my father checked out his credentials. Steven was also in the Air Force and it turned out that my father knew his commanding officer. That seemed to break the ice between them. Steven assured Dad that I’d be well chaperoned when we visited Matt, who lived off base in a house in Bad Nauheim.

On the appointed night I tore through my closet, trying to find an appropriate outfit. Nothing seemed dressy enough for meeting Matt Sturniolo. I settled on a navy and white sailor dress and white socks and shoes. Surveying myself in the mirror, I thought I looked cute, but being only fourteen, I didn’t think I’d make any kind of impression on Matt.

Eight o’clock finally arrived, and so did Steven Wright and his attractive wife, Carole. Anxious, I hardly spoke to either of them during the forty-five-minute drive. We entered the small town of Bad Nauheim, with its narrow cobblestone streets and plain, old-fashioned houses, and I kept looking around for what I assumed would be Matt’s huge mansion. Instead Steven pulled up to an ordinary-looking three-story house surrounded by a white picket fence.

There was a sign on the gate in German, which translated as: autographs between 7:00 and 8:00 p.m. only. Even though it was after eight o’clock, a large group of friendly German girls waited around expectantly. When I asked Steven about them, he explained that there were always large groups of fans outside the house, hoping to catch a glimpse of Matt.

I followed Steven through the gate and up the short pathway to the door. We were welcomed by James Sturniolo, Matt’s father, a tall, gray-haired, attractive man, who led us down a long hallway to the living room, from which I could hear Brenda Lee on the record player, singing “Sweet Nothin’s.”

The plain, almost drab living room was filled with people, but I spotted Matt immediately. He was handsomer than he appeared in films, younger and more vulnerable-looking with his haircut. He was in civilian clothes, a bright red sweater and tan slacks, and he was sitting with one leg swung over the arm of a large overstuffed chair, with a cigar dangling from his lips.

As Steven led me over to him, Matt stood up and smiled. “Well,” he said. “What have we here?”

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. I just kept staring at him.

“Matt,” Steven said, “this is y/n y/ln. The girl I told you about.”

We shook hands and he said, “Hi, I’m Matt Sturniolo,” but then there was a silence between us until Matt asked me to sit down beside him, and Steven drifted off.

“So,” Matt said. “Do you go to school?”

“Yes.”

“What are you, about a junior or senior in high school?”

I blushed and said nothing, not willing to reveal that I was only in the ninth grade.

“Well,” he persisted.

“Ninth.”

Matt looked confused. “Ninth what?”

“Grade,” I whispered.

“Ninth grade,” he said and started laughing. “Why, you’re just a baby.”

“Thanks,” I said curtly. Not even Matt Sturniolo had the right to say that to me.

“Well. Seems the little girl has spunk,” he said, laughing again, amused by my response. He gave me that charming smile of his, and all my resentment just melted away.

We made small talk for a while longer. Then Matt got up and walked over to the piano and sat down. The room suddenly grew silent. Everyone’s eyes were focused on him as he began to entertain us.

He sang “Rags to Riches” and “Are You Lonesome Tonight?” and then with his friends singing harmony, “End of the Rainbow.” He also did a Jerry Lee Lewis impersonation, pounding the keys so hard that a glass of water he’d set on the piano began sliding off. When Matt caught it without missing a beat of the song, everyone laughed and applauded except me. I was nervous. I glanced around the room and saw an intimidating life-size poster of a half-nude model on the wall. She was the last person I wanted to see, with her fulsome body, pouting lips, and wild mane of tousled hair. Imagining Matt’s taste in women, I felt very young and out of place.

I glanced up and saw Matt trying to get my attention. I noticed that the less response I showed, the more he began singing just for me. I couldn’t believe that Matt Sturniolo was trying to impress me.

Later, he asked me to come into the kitchen, where he introduced me to his grandmother, Minnie Mae Sturniolo, who stood by the stove, frying a huge pan of bacon. As we sat down at the table, I told Matt I wasn’t hungry. Actually I was too nervous to eat.

“You’re the first girl I’ve met from the States in a long time,” Matt said, as he began devouring the first of five gigantic bacon sandwiches, each one smothered with mustard. “Who are the kids listening to?”

I laughed. “Are you kidding?” I said. “Everyone listens to you.”

Matt seemed unconvinced. He asked me a lot of questions about Fabian and Ricky Nelson. He told me he was worried about how his fans would accept him when he returned to the States. Since he’d been away, he hadn’t made any public appearances or movies, although he’d had five hit singles, all recorded before he’d left.

It felt like we’d just begun talking when Steven came in and pointed to his watch. I had dreaded that moment; the evening had gone so fast. It seemed I had just arrived and now I was being hurried away. Matt and I had just started to get to know each other. I felt like Cinderella, knowing that when my curfew came, all this magic would end. I was surprised when Matt asked Steven if I could possibly stay longer. When Steven explained the agreement with my father, Matt casually suggested that maybe I could come by again. Though I wanted to more than anything in the world, I didn’t really believe it would happen.

a/n - thoughts on this story so far? all the fashion and technology and things is still based in the time period its set in but i promise it gets better as the story goes on! i know the age gap is crazy but back in the day it was normal and its the age gap in Priscilla’s book so i just stuck with it. I in no way support this at all🎀

Excerpt from: "Elvis and Me" by Priscilla Beaulieu Presley. Scribd.

This material may be protected by copyright.

[arcielee]

Interview With a Writer

It is that blessed time when the wonderful and talented Miss Maggie, @inthedayswhenlandswerefew, gives us some behind-the-scenes insight to her latest brilliant narration. [Feel free to check out the Spotify playlist of all the songs mentioned and let me know if I forgot one!]

Here is masterlist to my Interview With a Writer series and the other talented individuals who allow me to continue this self-indulgent series! 💜 Picture(s) source.

Name: inthedayswhenlandswerefew

Story: 1968

Paring: modern Aemond Targaryen x female!reader, modern Aegon Targaryen x female!reader

Warnings: 18+ mature themes. Be mindful of chapter warnings.

Where did the idea for 1968 come from?

I am a high school social studies teacher by trade, and my absolute favorite class to teach is American History. The 1960s and 70s were actually one of my weak spots when I got my first teaching job back in 2020, so I ended up researching a lot about that period of time and got absolutely obsessed with it. In my American History class, I spend a whole lesson on JUST 1968, because so many important events happened in that year that are emblematic of broader trends and tensions.

One day I was re-reading one of my favorite books, The Other Mrs. Kennedy by Jerry Oppenheimer, which is specifically about Bobby Kennedy’s wife Ethel, but also gives a lot of insight into the Kennedy family generally and what it was like to live through that era. The idea of using this setting as a fic AU occurred to me, and I ruminated on it for a few weeks while finishing up Napoleonville.

Eventually, I had a revelation of the ending of 1968 (true to my usual pattern), and then knew I’d have to write the fic! I was actually really worried about all the political and historical details being too boring and/or confusing (especially for non-U.S. readers), so I was relieved that so many people gave it a chance. 🥰

Honestly, it was brilliant with the similarities to the Kennedys and Targaryens in the story. Were there any historical cameos in 1968 that you enjoyed channeling? Or perhaps struggled with?

I find LBJ super fascinating, and I feel that because of the Vietnam War he really doesn’t get a fair assessment when people look back on his presidency. His work for civil rights and the Great Society (SNAP, Medicaid, Head Start, Job Corps, PBS, etc.) was truly revolutionary, and as someone who grew up in poverty and benefitted from a lot of those programs, I don’t think LBJ’s contributions get the recognition and praise they deserve. I perceive him as a haunted sort of figure, and I really enjoyed his cameos. (To be clear, he was also super problematic and bizarre personally, and I don’t mean to excuse any of that 😂).

As for someone who was difficult to write about…honestly, the George Wallace research I did was super depressing, so while he was necessary to include, I didn’t really enjoy working on those parts!

Was there anything in specific that inspired your Reader portrayal?

Io is a bit of a composite sketch. Ethel Kennedy was known as doggedly committed to her husband’s career above all else (despite eventually being the mother of 11 children!!), and I think that inspired Io’s single-minded determination to help Aemond win the election in the first few chapters. Ethel was traditional in the sense that her husband was the center of her world and made all the important decisions, as was expected of women of her social class in that time period. But Io is also a manifestation of the counterculture of the late-60s. She is young, educated, genuinely progressive politically, and likes to party. She tries to reconcile the expectations of her family/time period and her actual personality by intentionally choosing a husband with whom she can have an equal partnership making the world a better place. And…we all know how that worked out.

[Photo Ethel and Bobby Kennedy, m. 1950]

Can you explain your interpretation of Aegon? How does he compare and contrast to Aemond? What drives them? Why are they the way that they are?

In 1968, Aegon is 40 years old, and so his role in the Targaryen political dynasty is very well-established: once his family realized he couldn’t be weaponized for their purposes, he was largely disposed of, and lives this aimless, uninspired, self-loathing sort of existence. He does have some genuine love for his family—missing Daeron and feeling guilt over him being sent to Vietnam, a vague sort of fondness for Mimi and the kids, distress when Aemond is shot in Palm Beach, an apology of sorts to Alicent by performing “Mama Tried” at her birthday party—but Aegon exists on the periphery, and he knows this, and while he doesn’t want to be a politician the rejection still stings.

At first, he perceives Io as yet another person who makes him feel inadequate and unloved; and in fairness, she is cruel to him, in fact more so than Aegon is to Io in return. It is noteworthy that in Chapter 1, she viciously criticizes Aegon in front of everyone in the waiting room (“if someone had to get killed tonight it should have been you”), but he doesn’t return fire until they are alone (the infamous cow comment), and even then he seems to regret it immediately.

Aegon, fundamentally, is more sad than mean. When in Chapters 2 and 3 Io abruptly reveals herself to be someone who is vulnerable, wounded, abandoned, and kind of a hippie lowkey, Aegon begins to perceive her differently, and she becomes an opportunity for him to be truly understood, protected, and loved for the first time in his life.

I think we would all describe Aemond as ambitious and ruthless, determined to prove that he is the best to compensate for deep, lifelong insecurities. He is a progressive politically because he sees a path to build a winning coalition, and perhaps in small part because of the whole Greeks-being-despised immigrants thing. But in 1968 there is a sense that you never fully understand who he is as a person. This is intentional! 1968 is Io’s story, and she never gets to see the whole Aemond. She sees parts of the picture, but never the full image. As awful as he is to Io, there is also a side of Aemond that truly (even if in an���unorthodox way 😂) loves Alys and their child, and there are clues that Alys understands him like no one else can (that Ouija board message… 👀). He’s by no means a good guy, but he is multifaceted. I think the stress of the presidency, and his long separation from Alys, ends up softening Aemond a bit, hence him defending Io’s reputation and ultimately letting her go.

Did anything inspire your other OCs? Specifically "The Ones Who Married In" club?

I didn’t sit down and plan what sorts of characters would be in the “The Ones Who Married In” club. I was possessed by these random visions of them: a perpetually drunk Mimi, a perhaps not too bright but very sweet Fosco, and Malibu Barbie but make her Polish Ludwika, and I was thinking: “These people are ridiculous, this will never work!” But then when I thought about it more, I realized that Mimi, Fosco, Ludwika, and Io all serve strategic roles to help advance Aemond’s career, and so it would make sense that Otto and Aemond cobbled them together and shoved them into the family portraits. I ended up really loving them, but they weren’t a big part of my original outline for 1968. 🙂

How would Io rate them based on her friendship with each of them?

Fosco is definitely #1; they connect on an emotional level that is deep but also largely unspoken. Ludwika is a close #2; she’s Io’s shopping buddy but also witty, supportive, and very feminist in her own way. And then Mimi is a distant #3. Io pities Mimi and feels loyalty to her as a fellow Targaryen, and goes out of her way to try to protect Mimi from her own self-destructive tendencies. But Io, as a collected and self-reliant person, also has difficulty understanding and dealing with someone as messy as Mimi. And of course, once Io realizes she is super into Aegon, that creates some one-sided resentment of Mimi!

Do you have a feeling of what happened after chapter 12? What is the ending you vaguely see with Aegon and Io? What about Aemond and Alys?

Where I end a fic is really the last clear image I see of the characters, so I sadly don’t have a lot of specifics to offer. What I do feel is that Io and Aegon have children of their own (like, several children, maybe even 5+ children) and Aegon is present for their early years in a way he wasn’t able to be for his kids with Mimi. Io is a stepmom to Aegon’s OG kids and has a good relationship with them, but she’s only really close with Cosmo.

I also sense that Aemond has basically no contact with Io or Aegon, which makes sense considering his abuse of Io and the lifelong fury Aegon would therefore have towards him. Aemond is happy with Alys and their son (as happy as someone like him is capable of being); he does the ex-president thing and settles into a largely ceremonial role and advises Democratic politicians, although he is not very friendly with President Reagan.

And then my wild theory is that a Daeron/John McCain ticket ends up winning the 2000 election and the War On Terror plays out completely differently!

And finally... 1968 seemed to pour from you like a fever dream. Does this mean something else might be coming to continue the Maggie's Suffering Sunday tradition?

1968 did seem to fly by, despite it being a longer fic at 12 chapters! I do have something planned for this Sunday... 😉 All I can say for now is that it is very weird, totally unexpected, and tonally a mashup of Comet Donati and When The World Is Crashing Down.

Does that seem impossible?? Think again 😏 I will be reblogging hints until Sunday! I hope you enjoy this new journey 🥰🐍

[niuxita21]

THANK YOU. I've been SAYINGGGGG. It's like all this "we need more complex female characters" energy went out the window the moment Princess Patt stepped out of line, it's really bizarre.

I understand it all. The seeming contradiction between being a lesbian and also opposing her niece's own same-sex romance. Someone somewhere else mentioned that in the book none of her reasons for being against Anin and Pin have to do with homophobia, so I would have liked some of that to be made clearer on the show, but nonetheless, I understand her need to overcompensate with Pin to keep her from making the same "mistakes" she made. Also, this isn't just because it's 1950s Thailand. I have heard stories of gay parents not accepting their gay kids in modern-day Latin America so, y'know, it's not like this is some big convoluted obstacle made up unnecessarily to keep Anin/Pin apart. It happens.

I also completely agree about her actions toward Pin once she agreed to the marriage. I really appreciated her standing up for Pin against Kuea with respect to letting her keep Anin's ring. Many saw this as too little, too late, but given that marrying Pin off was non-negotiable (and not because it was Patt's wish purely for funsies), this literally was the least she could do for the niece she loves like a daughter. And yes, I also really liked how she conducted herself after the wedding was called off. She spent the entire episode being unable to face Pin (only being in the same room as her when she was asleep, which was a nice detail) because of how remorseful she was. I do hope she gets to apologize to her in person and perhaps even tell her about Princess Im. It will be a huge missed opportunity otherwise.

I had a different interpretation of the "I want to see if you will stop breathing, too" line. I read it as typical parent rolling their eyes when their child tells them that they'll literally die if they're not allowed to see their boyfriend/girlfriend whom they have been with for a month. Maybe it's because I'm old, but the melodrama of teenage romances does absolutely nothing for me, especially when they get in "it's us against the world" mode. And yes, I know Anin and Pin are not teenagers, but they're young and sheltered enough that questioning what they could possibly know about love is a valid point. I saw it more as Patt's elegant, royal way of saying "Give me a fucking break, no one dies from a broken heart, you're gonna be fine." Harsh, maybe, but it was a moment of heightened emotion, with Pin literally begging her on her knees, so I can see how at some point Patt just could not anymore (I mean, *I* was rolling my eyes a little at the drama of it all, so I understand having that reaction. Again, maybe it's because I'm old.) (ALSO. Friendly reminder that the big love of Patt's life LITERALLY DIED. Not in her arms but close enough. And she survived the pain. So again, I can see why she'd be like "Oh you think THIS is a tragedy?? Child, you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me" (is that how the song goes?))

Lastly, yes, she is THE most beautiful woman in Savettavarit palace at any given moment, so is it possible that I wouldn't have given her the benefit of the doubt to such a degree otherwise? Maybe. But these are the cards we have been dealt with. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I feel like Pattamika is getting some unfair hate. I understand how some (western) people might be put off by her politically incorrect values: the period-accurate internalized homophobia, the corporal punishment, and just her general strictness that can seem over the top to a modern western audience.

But you have to put this into perspective. This isn't modern America, it's 1950s Thailand. 1950s Thai royalty no less. Family honor and reputation is a big deal for anyone, especially the royal family. She is under a huge amount of pressure to maintain a standard of proper behavior and raise her neice accordingly. Gay marriage simply isn't an option. She sees Pin going down the same path that brought her only pain and does what she thinks she has to.

And even then, as awful as the whole wedding arc is, she tries to find small ways to show compassion to Pin and Anin within the rigid societal framework that restricts them. She goes out of her way to let Pin keep the ring Anin gave her even if it makes insecure douchecanoe Kuea feel threatened. She doesn't personally approve of the ring and what it represents, but she's kind enough to compromise on some things to make the horrifying ordeal of comphet as bearable as possible for Anin.

Even the infamous "I want to see if you will stop breathing" line is not motivated by malice but informed by her own trauma. She had to see the woman she loved die without any of the support Pin and Anin have. She shouldn't have taken her trauma out on Pin in that moment, but it is understandable that she would see her problems as melodramatic in comparison.

What I especially love about her is how she responds when operation comphet falls apart. She doesn't double down or blame anyone else. She takes full responsibility for her mistakes and expresses admiration for Anin's bravery in openly declaring her love for another woman, something she never did in her time. She only holds off on apologizing to Pin because she is ashamed to face her after failing her.

She's a wonderful complex character, and she deserves to be appreciated, flaws and all. This is exactly the kind of complex female character we want.

She's also just really hot, guys. I'm sorry if you can't see the apeal of a dommy milf spanking a younger woman but there is beauty everywhere for those with eyes to see it.

[mydaroga]

I know it's been awhile, but I had to start reading Tune In over, because I got the expanded one. Some notes, partly for myself but I'm happy for anyone to weigh in if I'm not too disjointed!

The Prologue (the bits in the longer one anyway: see tag for previous edition)

They also shared the same goddesses, the fantasy figures who kept men awake at night in the late 1950s, like Anita Ekberg, Juliette Gréco and Brigitte Bardot.

Look I just want a record of what types of girls they jacked too, so thank you, Mark.

I'd heard about some of the following but not seen or maybe just not noticed the actual words, so here are some 'lost' or early Lennon-McCartney originals:

Too bad about sorrows, too bad about love, There’ll be no tomorrow, for all of your life.

Emo AF, boys.

They said our love was just fun / The day that our friendship begun. There’s no blue moon that I can see / There’s never been in history.

@inspiteallthedanger mentioned this to be once and it's not that I didn't believe her but seriously.

Another number seems to have been called Because I Know You Love Me So.

...

I’ve Been Thinking That You Love Me, If Tomorrow Ever Comes, That’s My Woman, and Won’t You Please Say Goodbye. A song called Years Roll Along (‘It might have been winter when you told me…’) was never completed.

Just noting for my obsessive fic historiography.

From the outset, John and Paul settled on Lennon-McCartney as a partnership. Neither planned to do anything with these songs (to send them off to singers, publishers or record companies) but they agreed – by actually discussing it, albeit briefly – that each could continue to operate independently, writing songs on his own and then bringing them to the other for approval and the joint Lennon-McCartney credit. ‘We decided on that very early on,’ says Paul. ‘It was just for simplicity really, and – so as to not get into the ego thing – we were very pure with it.’

Pretty sure I flagged this last time, but I'm sorry. This just doesn't get the attention it requires, though not, I think, for lack of our fascination. There are so many questions here. How did this conversation go? Why did they decide it applied to songs written alone? Did they simply never talk about revising it, and if so, why not? If they did, which surely they must have, why did it never change? It's BONKERS. And as always, Paul is so difficult to parse. When he says "so as not to get into the ego thing" is he speaking in present tense, like he's not going to discuss it? Or is he saying this decision had something to do with ego at the time? Sadly, it's an author interview so I can't see the whole context. Which probably wouldn't help, because it's Paul. Using words.

Paul, who knew no one else with a typewriter and counted no other poet among his friends, was heavily impressed. John was deep , and there were few higher compliments.

Oh Paul. Bless.

And so Lennon-McCartney stood shoulder to shoulder as equals, connected at every level, their considerable talents harmonised, their personalities meshed, their drive unchecked, their goal in focus. They were a union, stronger than the sum of their parts, and everything was possible.

I mean, I don't disagree. But this is the sort of thing I'm not enjoying about Lewisohn's style. He's clearly not unbiased or detached, and I find his "I'm writing!" voice so labored. I value this tome and everything he is trying to do but I'm going to continue to remind myself that he's just like everyone else and this is not the final word, end all be all Beatle book.

[paulandjohn]

@randomboxes lol, yes, I’ve been waiting for a while 😅

I think most of it is true - unsure about the ‘prostituting’ part though.

Although… a few years ago in the mid to late 2010s, I found an article by the Liverpool Echo (I think it was) and from the preview that I was able to read, it mentioned Paul, John and Queen Square (‘Liverpool’s unofficial gay quarter’) in the 1950s.

However, when I clicked the link to take me to the article, nothing showed up 🙄😫

I’m not sure if he ever will reveal anything to be honest; but Paul does have this amazing habit of dropping info ‘oh so casually’ in conversations, especially when he’s answering something that has nothing to do with what he’s just mentioned (he did this with Now and Then last year and apparently the execs at apple weren’t happy 😭).

I feel like Paul’s been dropping hints for years (the same way John did in his interviews, songs and audio diary tapes in the 1970s).

For some reason, I feel like Yoko will outlive Paul (idk why I think that) but if he does outlive her then, I do think he’ll mention it as he so regularly does, by throwing it in casually whilst talking about something else.

Sometimes I wonder if Yoko will get there first, by publishing John’s diaries and audio diary tapes (although it’ll probably be heavily edited)…

She already said in 2015 that John was bisexual. So who knows what else she’ll reveal about John (and maybe Paul)

*also there’s a video from nearly a decade ago on YouTube that mentions Paul was seen at a gay bar in New York and there’s already a book from 1968 that calls out Paul as being a homosexual (and a few months later he gets married to Linda)…

**Paul only began wearing his wedding ring in the early 1970s, which I get is quite normal for men to do (ie, to not wear their wedding ring) but for Mr. Paul ‘Family Man, I Want A Bunch of Kids and A Farm’ McCartney… I just think it’s interesting.

Lastly, Paul knows damn well what people say and think about him; there’s a chance he won’t ever admit to anything because he knows people are already guessing and making assumptions but at the same time he’s from a completely different generation from most, if not all, of us on this site, so there’s a strong chance that he just won’t ever feel comfortable admitting it in public.

I’ve recently logged back onto this account after abandoning it and found my old posts about mclennon lol. Can’t believe it’s been 4 years! I truly wonder if we’ll ever get to see if this is true because she’s still alive lol.

I remember when I first saw this there were comments, saying it’s Paul and John but now there’s no comments? Or is it just not showing up for me?

Has anyone seen/known this or know about Crazy Days & Nights?

It’ll be an interesting time if the day ever comes where she’s no longer here but Paul still is. Whether or not we see it all depends on who passes first…

[writingwithcolor]

Including diversity where there may be little

Including diversity where there may be little: Black Radium Girls as example

post-scriptvm asked: [ask clipped for length]

I have an interest in the ‘Radium Girls’, groups of women who worked at studios in America from the late 1910s onwards painting radium onto clock faces, and later took their companies to court for the horrible impacts the radium had on their body. 

I want to make a musical, just for fun. I’ve decided to use a fictionalized version of events, with composite characters based on multiple different women, rather than one of the real-life groups and the actual women from them. It will be mostly set in New Jersey, in the roaring 20s. 

Neither of the two real-life groups I know of had any Black women in them, and I can’t see any Black women in any of the big group photos of the dial factories’ employees. But I know there’s a lot of Black history and culture in that time and place bc of the great migration and stuff, so I feel like if I’m not going to use the real life ladies, I should probably take the opportunity to also make some of them Black, bc making a whole cast of white ladies in the name of potentially wrong ‘historical accuracy’ seems like a bad thing.

My question is, should I? [ask clipped for length]

I wouldn’t be surprised if there were African American radium girls. Speculating People of Color/Women of Color’s involvement is far more realistic than portraying everyone as white. Go for it! 

Perhaps look into what other races were predominantly in the New Jersey area for inspiration, too.

Hidden History

This section features just a few examples of PoC in lesser known historical settings.

The histories of People of Color are highly and actively erased. Women of Color especially get their stories left to footnotes in the textbooks. You hear about certain amazing women again and again, but there’s so many others that don’t get their time of day.

Hidden Figures (book and movie) is a prime example of that erasure and lesser known history. To summarize: It’s “the powerful story of four African-American female mathematicians at NASA who helped achieve some of the greatest moments in our space program.”

Here’s another example:

Photo of female firefights on Pearl Harbor, 1941. Identities unknown

It would be nice to know more about these women, and i’ve seen inquiries from people requesting info from anyone who may know. This struggle to find details is a prime example of that erasure in itself.

Enemies in Love: A German POW, a Black Nurse, and an Unlikely Romance by Alexis Clark

The book pictured above is the true story of a Black nurse and German Prisoner of War who fall in love during World War II. They face many hardships (disowning from his family, racism, and shunning from towns) but stay together for their whole lives, marry, and have children (One of their sons highly informed the writing of the book!)

This book discusses the discrimination the Black soldiers and nurses faced. They struggled to even be allowed to serve their country, and were treated worse than POWs.

Video: The Unlikely Romance of a Black Nurse & German P.O.W. in WW II 

Research

Research “[RACE] + Firsts” and find many more examples of little unknown bits of history where they’ve been involved. 

First doesn’t mean it came without limitations, discrimination or hardships. But they happened, and many sooner than you’d think.

Explore beyond what you know about whitewashed history and learn the true stories of People of Color.

Making it “realistic”

People will question how “realistic” it is to feature a Black women in this position for the time period, unfortunately. It doesn’t hurt to provide an explanation until we get to a place where diversity isn’t interrogated when it shows up.

Giving her backstory. 

You can briefly explain the journey to the job, such as shortages due to a war. Take a look at those real world firsts for inspiration. 

Especially take a look at the specific region of the story. What firsts were there? Any government power influences? How did PoC break barriers to make the strides they did?

Use the web, but also go beyond. Seek books, historians, artwork. Search those “footnotes” for that one sentence mention. (That’s actually how the writer of Enemies in Love found their story. Just a quick sentence and a search for the story began. It helped that she was a journalist!)

Relationships with Peers: 

“I will cut off this right arm of mine before I will ever work or demand the ballot for the Negro and not the woman.” - Susan B. Anthony

White women weren’t, historically, welcoming to Black women. For example, white sufferists insisted Black women march in the back of the protests for, allegedly, both their rights.  You’ll need to decide how your Black woman is treated in this situation. 

You might face the following from peers, superiors, or others:

Hesitation to work or interact with her

Curiosity and intrigue (The “Other”

Unsure of how to approach or be friends with her  

Microaggressions

Blatant racism 

Your musical doesn’t seem like it is meant to focus too heavily on the hardships. It begs a mention, but just how much is up to you.

Call the Midwife, period racism example

Call the Midwife (BBC) is set in East End London, Late 1950s, early 1960s. The show features a Black midwife named Lucille Anderson. There’s a shortage on nurses so Caribbean nurses were being called in to support the growing population. 

Call the Midwife is from a midwife, Jennifer Worth’s, memoir, so it’s based on history.

Check out this short clip: Nurse Lucille Anderson - Call the Midwife 

Lucille on Call the Midwife (Take notes!)

The show handles racism and microaggressions very well. It’s not overdone.

Lucille is accepted by her peers and is especially close to one of the girls.

There’s an episode where she actively faces blame and discrimination during a case. It’s a major story line of the episode. 

She does face occasional micro-aggressions where she is othered, but it is not every single time she is on screen and not every episode. 

Her peers talk to her about her experiences and in the case where she had an aggressive family member to deal with, they tried to protect her by reassigning her from the family. Lucille asks to handle it her way and they respect her decision.

Lucille can mostly perform her job and have peace, and is treated kindly by patients.

She has a personality, a romantic life, family & friendships.

It’s about 90% allowing her to exist, 10% navigating racism/microaggressions. That’s a comfortable, realist balance for such a story and setting. 

If you want to check out how they handled these issues for yourself, the show is on Netflix as of this post (2020). She’s introduced in Season 7. (I highly recommend watching this show from the beginning. I cry like every episode, and the diversity of several ethnic backgrounds picks up a lot mid season!)

I’ll kick you three scenarios for your Black radium girl:

Peer Acceptance, Initial Hesitation 

awkward friendliness & initial hesitation, perhaps more fear of the unknown vs. hostility

Upon having interactions and talking to her, they become comfortable and accept her. It could take just one simple conversation. Perhaps they’re more used to listening to Black music or have Black staff who work for them, but haven’t had an equal one-on-one experience with WoC without a power dynamic or service involved. Now, with a Black fellow radium girl thrown in a similar situation as them, they could develop kinship.

This might not describe every one of the woman at all. Others might be just fine with her with no awkwardness.

Types of racism experienced: 

some micro-aggressions (likely ignorance from peers)

no major racism experienced

Most Peer Acceptance, Racism From Some Peers

Most peers have no problem with her, even if they have their initial awkwardness. 1-2 more aggressive racists who don’t want her there. 

Sometimes everyone else gets along, but there’s that 1 bully and their minion, and they feed off each other. If the BS isn’t tolerated by the other girls, it could shut them up to make peace or at least behave themselves. It’s likely someone like this would remain hatefully stubborn, but would grimace from the corner if outnumbered.

In the case you create a situation where someone is hostile to the Black girl but learns better: real apologies and efforts should be made if this occurs. It also doesn’t excuse their past behavior. Read our posts on redemption arcs for more info. We’re not fans, personally.

In an intense racial situation, it would be nice if the girls (with sense) protected and defended her instead of standing idly by. They’re strong enough to rise up against the agencies who poisoned them, so they can fight for their fellow radium sisters if one’s being targeted. 

Types of racism experienced: 

several micro-aggressions

maybe 1 major incident 

Peer Acceptance, Racism from Other People

Radium girl acceptance within, but experiences racism from others she interacts with on/off the job. 

The Call the Midwife example fits this one. Lucille’s peers are comfortable with her. It’s some of the ladies she care for and/or their families that may have negative things to say or show hesitance. 

I’ll repeat what I said above: it’d be nice if the girls protected and defended her and didn’t stand by idly. Solidarity is important for establishing kinship and trust when it comes to white - woc friendships. 

Types of racism experienced: 

could vary from some to several micro-aggressions 

maybe 1 major incident

Balancing race issues in the musical 

Give the intersections of your Black girl’s situation proper attention. You can achieve this without overdoing it or making her whole arc about facing racism.

Perhaps the Black radium girl(s) has a song to express major woes, like segregation and poor treatment, or experiencing dismay over even less of a fighting chance in this fight for their rights.

If anyone does know anything but radium girls of color, please share! 

–Mod Colette

[dweemeister]

Melody Time (1948)

Disengaged and disinterested, Walt Disney was adrift at his own studio in the late 1940s. The studio’s modestly-budgeted package animated features were designed to save it from financial ruin. Yet, they required artistic and storytelling compromises that Disney was loathe to make. In this period, Disney shuffled personnel around the various departments – whether due to personal conflicts or dissatisfaction with their artistic approach on a certain film. Melody Time’s segments are of varying quality and limited experimentation, reflecting the organizational tumult within the studio. No standout moment exists in Melody Time, even though it is more energetic and looser than the preceding Fun and Fancy Free (1947).

The modern Walt Disney Company has advertised Melody Time as a film, “in the grand tradition of Disney’s greatest musical classics, such as Fantasia.” Audacious comparison to make, but functionally inaccurate. Fantasia, as imagined by Walt Disney, Deems Taylor, Leopold Stokowski, and the studio’s animators, was crafted so that its animation would empower the music (in cinema, the reverse – where music serves the action on-screen – is almost always a filmmaker’s approach). The reverse of that relationships holds here. Melody Time contains these seven segments, or “mini-musicals”: “Once Upon a Wintertime”, “Bumble Boogie”, “The Legend of Johnny Appleseed”, “Little Toot”, “Trees”, “Blame It on the Samba”, and “Pecos Bill”. Some of these mini-musicals are more watchable and more artistically interesting than others – although that standard is relatively low in Melody Time.

“Once Upon a Wintertime” is based on an overused Disney narrative template that never ceases to be a bore. A young couple are out and about, flirting and flitting, all while the woodland animals scurrying back and forth mirror human courtship. The segment, however, is partially redeemed by Frances Langford singing the segment’s title song (composed by Bobby Worth and Ray Gilbert) and the unmistakable influence of Mary Blair (1950’s Cinderella, the “It’s a Small World” attraction at Disneyland in Anaheim) in its aesthetic. With any piece of animation involving Mary Blair, one can expect an eye-catching use of color and her modernist art style. “Once Upon a Wintertime” is like a holiday card brought to animated life. Unlike a picturesque and meaningful holiday card, though, it overstays its welcome. But the stereotypical treatment of the young women appearing in “Once Upon a Wintertime” is, to put it mildly, clichéd writing at best. Hackneyed, too, is the fact that the woodland animals come to the human’s rescue.

Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov’s Flight of the Bumblebee is one of the most recognizable (and overplayed) pieces of Western classical music, even to those folks who go out of their way to announce their distaste for classical music. Given a jazz rendition by the Freddy Martin Orchestra, “Bumble Boogie” is a thankfully brief three-minute foray. Here, an insect (that does not seem anything like a bee) flies through a series of surreal images – mostly parts of musical instruments (piano keys in particular) – that it must avoid. The segment is visually entertaining to watch, even if it must have been the easiest to prepare, design, and animated for in all of Melody Time. If placed in either Fantasia or Fantasia 2000, it would easily be the weakest Fantasia segment ever produced.

Third in the film is a segment that feels most like a classic Disney production. “The Legend of Johnny Appleseed” is Disney’s glorified and sanitized take on the eponymous American pioneer, nurseryman, conservationist, and missionary. Walt’s personal ideology and perspective on American history included the fulfillment of Manifest Destiny and the taming of the nation’s wilds as among humanity’s greatest achievements. These are notions that Walt – through his films, theme parks, television shows, and public and private remarks – never questioned. Narrated and with Johnny Appleseed voiced by Dennis Day, there is a sincerity to Johnny’s characterization not present anywhere else in the movie. Again, Mary Blair’s artwork – this time, her forested backgrounds – appears as if heaven-sent. The umbrella-like canopy of the apple trees and “untamed” forests are inviting, and attract one’s eyes upward – towards the apples, paradise.

The title song (sometimes referred to as “The Lord is Good to Me”) featured in the opening moments of “The Legend of Appleseed” is one of the earliest – and one of the few – mentions or depictions of religious faith in a Disney animated work. It reinforces the mythos that surrounds Johnny Appleseed (and, by extension, the belief that white men are divine heroes for civilizing the lands west of the original Thirteen Colonies) to the present day. I was not raised in any of the Abrahamic religions, but it difficult to deny the simple charm of the title song and this segment – even if it endorses a troublesome perspective on American history. “The Legend of Johnny Appleseed” is the best segment of Melody Time – from its unassuming storytelling and wondrous animation. It is the only Melody Time segment that I could possibly envision as a decent feature-length animated film.

Based on a 1939 children’s picture book of the same name Hardie Gramatky, “Little Toot” is a chore to sit through. The segment shares similar narrative and aesthetic tissue with Saludos Amigos’ (1942) “Pedro”, which concerned an anthropomorphic mail airplane that thinks it could. Along the Hudson River in New York City, Little Toot is a tiny tugboat who aspires to be like his father Big Toot. Just as in “Pedro”, this is a case of an anthropomorphized vehicle child who attempts to assume adult responsibility in order to prove that they can perform tasks as well as the adults can. Given that Little Toot is a meddling prankster playing tugboat games, it is difficult to feel much sympathy when he finally faces the consequences of his actions – which probably includes calamitous infrastructural damage and human casualties. Of course, Little Toot is eventually redeemed through some heroic deeds. All of the tugboats will love him, as they belt out with glee that Little Toot will go down in history. The segment is grating, including the novelty title song sung by The Andrews Sisters. Aside from some fascinating water effects, there is not much that “Little Toot” offers in the way of animated interest. Otherwise, it is least interesting segment of the film.

The palate-cleanser is “Trees”, a four-minute segment based on Joyce Kilmer’s poem of the same name (music composed by Oscar Rasbach and performed by Fred Waring and the Pennsylvanians). Its aesthetic harkens back to a few seconds near the end of the “Ave Maria” in Fantasia, but otherwise “Trees” is distinct from anything else that has appeared in the Disney animated canon. When setting to work on “Trees”, layout artist Ken O’Connor (1941’s Dumbo, 1987’s The Brave Little Toaster) found himself enamored by the concept art, and endeavored to be a faithful to the style set by the concept art as possible. To do this, O’Connor frosted cels before drawing pastel images onto the cel. Before being photographed by the studio’s multiplane camera, each cel was laminated in clear lacquer to prevent the pastel from smudging. Thanks to O’Connor’s experimentation, “Trees”, however fleeting, lays claim to some of the most beautiful animation among all of the package Disney animated features.

“Blame it on the Samba” sees a reunion of Donald Duck and Brazilian parrot José Carioca (Saludos Amigos, 1944’s The Three Caballeros) are walking about, depressed, directionless. Suddenly, they encounter the Aracuan Bird (who debuted in The Three Caballeros), who whisks them inside a cocktail that introduces them to the rhythmic pleasures of the samba. The segment’s title song is based on Ernesto Nazareth’s polka Apanhei-te, Cavaquinho, sung by The Dinning Sisters with adapted English lyrics, and accompanied by organist Ethel Smith (who appears as herself).

“Blame it on the Samba” feels like it should have been featured in either Saludos Amigos or The Three Caballeros – and that was the intention exactly. Intended to appear in Saludos Amigos, “Blame it on the Samba” was animated and completed in time for it to be incorporated in The Three Caballeros. Given Donald Duck’s lust for human women in the second half of the latter movie, “Blame it on the Samba” might have otherwise been a serviceable penultimate number in that film. The segment is an explosion of color, a kick in the rear for a movie that feels much longer than its seven-five-minute runtime might suggest. And yet in a segment for a music genre innovated in Brazil and popularized by Brazilians, the performers and the performance lack any discernible Brazilian influence or roots. This is not samba music. Instead, it is the culmination of what a white American might think samba music sounds like. This unfortunate development probably would have been avoided entirely if “Blame it on the Samba” appeared in those two aforementioned films instead.

“Pecos Bill”, based on the Texan folk hero of the same name, makes reference to American Indians in ghastly ways. Simultaneously, its absurd humor and lack of fidelity to sensible human behavior and physics make it a delight to watch. The segment also boasts the presence of Roy Rogers and the Pioneers (and Rogers’ horse, Trigger). Child actors Luana Patten and Bobby Driscoll, both of whom had just starred in Song of the South (1946), make brief appearances in the segment’s hybrid animation/live-action introduction. Rogers, then contracted to Republic Pictures, was one of the quintessential stars of the singing cowboy subgenre – singing cowboy movies were almost exclusively made by the “Poverty Row” studios including Republic, and they were extremely profitable against their barebones budgets). “Pecos Bill” all begins with the atmospheric, moody “Blue Shadows on the Trail”. “Blue Shadows on the Trail” describes and, through its spare instrumentation, reflects the emptiness and desolation of the American West. It is a beautiful ballad, and could easily be placed in any Western (singing cowboy movies or otherwise).

Once the hybrid animation/live-action introduction concludes, “Pecos Bill” steams forward with comic hyperbole followed by another comic hyperbole. The title song (music by Eliot Daniel, lyrics by Johnny Lange) doubles down on the exaggerations. Those exaggerations include the segment’s constant gunplay – escaping censorship from the Hays Code: a risqué gag that includes Pecos Bill’s guns going off because of love interest Slue Foot Sue. At least Melody Time ends brashly and riotously, but any impressionable children watching will require a discussion from a trusted adult. Its depictions of American Indians and men-women relations are deplorable, but after just over an hour of inconsistent quality, I found myself enjoying “Pecos Bill” more than I imagined.

Shortly after the release of Melody Time, Walt Disney embarked on a three-week cruise to Hawai’i. Walt rarely went vacationing, and he spent these weeks fully concentrating on his family and escaping from the minutiae of managing his studio. Even after returning from Hawai’i, Walt did not spend much time in Burbank. Walt invited animator and fellow train enthusiast Ward Kimball on a trip to the Midwest. Together, they attended the 1948 Chicago Railroad Fair, visited the Henry Ford Museum in Dearborn, Michigan, and stopped at other locations close to Walt’s childhood in the Midwest. Through the end of 1948, Walt spent more time constructing the train set in his backyard than paying attention to the animation and live-action movies his studio was producing. What seemed like idleness to many (including New York Times film critic Bosley Crowther, who believed that Disney was a cinematic genius wasting his time on quixotic projects) was a major inspiration for a draft sketch entitled “Mickey Mouse Park”, dated August 31, 1948.

The package era at Walt Disney Productions (now Walt Disney Animation Studios) was nearing its end. Every film during this run – Saludos Amigos (1942), The Three Caballeros (1944), Make Mine Music (1946), Fun and Fancy Free (1947), Melody Time, and The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad (1949) – faced the same narrative of Walt Disney’s personal indifference to the projects, a lack of direction and motivation among the animators, and audience and critic dissatisfaction when compared to Disney’s Golden Age movies. A return to non-package animated features would be imminent, in spite of Melody Time’s mediocre performance at the box office. The Disney studios would attempt to begin a period of renewal with a tradition that inaugurated their animated canon – with a fairy tale.

My rating: 6/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. Half-points are always rounded down. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found in the “Ratings system” page on my blog (as of July 1, 2020, tumblr is not permitting certain posts with links to appear on tag pages, so I cannot provide the URL).

For more of my reviews tagged “My Movie Odyssey”, check out the tag of the same name on my blog.

[katiehepburns]

so, just binged Legends of Tomorrow, and for some reason, I wanted to write this down.

So, Legends is a really unique show.  It doesn’t take itself too seriously and ridiculous but fun, reminding why I loved The Flash early years (season 1 & season 2).  

apologies, for this rambling mess.  this got written in a burst of energy which faltered towards the end.

What other show would have plots about time travel, Sisqo singing Thong Song during a battle scene, and a child toy’s furry toy Beebo helping the heroes or being seen as a “god.”

The time travel aspects have been a lot of fun.  It’s really hard to pick my favorites (but I am a sucker for 1920 - 1950′s stories), and kudos to the casting directors who have gotten some great actors in guest starring parts (The actors who played JRR Tolkien and Elvis Presley were real highlights for me.  Also I loved the young Marty Stein episodes). Also, Jonah Hex is probably my favorite recurring characters on this show, and I really hope that the writers find a way to bring him back.  

Sara Lance, who I loved from Arrow, is the reason among other Arrowverse recurring players (Stein, Ray, Jax, Mick and Snart) that I started to watch this show.   Sara’s storyline in season 1 and season 2 was really unique and fun to watch her evolve from dealing being brought back by Lazarus Pit, and opening herself open to being a hero and embracing her grief and pain, turning it into becoming a hero and the captain.    My issue is with the later seasons (season 4 & 5) aside from the blindness incident (which became more of a plot device than actual storyline, which could have been really interesting to delve into) is Sara’s main purpose, aside to being a captain and kickass leader, is to be a love interest to Ava.  She has some great moments being a surrogate sister to the other characters, but I wish she had more of an individual storyline (also that job offer thread was also dropped too quickly - I wish we got more of insight into what exactly it was and why it came about).

Ava, her growth over the past three seasons has been interesting and integrating her as part of the Legends has given some fun moments, especially to have her interact with all the other characters and become friends with them, but aside from those smaller side moments, her storyline is so wrapped up and her identity is purely revolves around being Sara’s girlfriend.  I wish that she and Sara had individual storylines than just everything being just about their relationship.  It’s great to see Sara (and Ava) happy and in a healthy relationship  but wish that they weren’t just each other’s plot device.

Mick - it’s interesting that out of all the original cast outside of Sara, that he has lasted the longest.  I always loved the Snart / Mick dynamic (partly because of I love Wentworth and Dominic from their Prison Break days as brothers), so it’s nice to see his character change very slowly, and evolve as the show has gone on.  I just wish he had more scenes with Charlie -  I loved their moments together and they were such kindred spirits.  I am still not a 100% sold on the whole give Mick a teenage daughter, but Lita has been actual a fun side character.  Lita works because she isn’t a bratty/angry/ annoying teenager, but as she spends her more time with Mick, I get that it’s about seeing a new side of him, and they have found a way of having her interact with the rest of the cast.  Lita’s scene with Charlie in the season five finale was really moving and I liked how she was the one who motivated Charlie to help her friends.    

Nate - I have mixed feelings about him.  Yes, he’s fun, pretty, and amusing but sometimes, it just feels like he’s wedged into the show.  I love all his friendships on the show especially with Sara, Ray, Behrad, but all his romantic relationships have fallen flat with me.  I love love Zari and Amaya (they were both wonderful kickass women) as individual characters but I never could get behind their pairing with Nate.  I did enjoy his interactions and meeting Grandpa Steel (I love the actor), and even his flawed and messed up relationship with his Dad.  I am failing to express why Nate just doesn’t work as a love interest for me, but all his pairings, I could never get into, and it’s too bad.  I wish the writers would give him a more interesting storyline that has nothing to do with his profession (his knowledge of history is important but they also have Gideon at their disposal soo..), his family, or a romance. It feels like of late, he’s just shoehorned into the show and it makes him very meh to me.  

Ray - I was likely one of the few who liked his character from Arrow and it was nice to see him really evolve and become his own person (aside from a member of a ill fated love triangle) on LoT.  He was fun and a real great asset to the Legends team, and I really enjoyed how of all of the characters, he interacted with most of all the cast and had relationships with all the different characters that were unique and fun.  One of the great highlights was seeing how he was so welcoming and became a real genuine friend to John Constantine (one of my favorite moments of his was bonding with a dying Constantine).  Also, what other character could bond with the man who was their enemy (Vandal Savage) over Jenga while being stuck in hell?!  I’m just really bitter that the writers choose to write him out because while I loved the second half of season 5, something was missing with Ray gone.  Based on Brandon’s comments about his exit, not to mention the COVID related challenges, I am not sure if Ray will pop up again so soon in season 6, but really want him and Courtney back on the show in an arc or full time.  While the reason behind his exit was disappointing, the storyline did leave the door open for circumstances to change, and Ray and Nora could easily rejoin the Legends.

Nora - she was a real surprise to me.  I didn’t mind Damien Darhk in Arrow but in Legends, he worked really well as a big bad, and plus Neal seemed to have a blast playing him.  Nora was one of those characters who didn’t capture my interest in the beginning, but as time went on, and she became more than Damien’s daughter, she was such a compelling character.  Aside from Charlie, her evolution on the show has been so interesting and it was amazing to see her change and learn to love all of herself, dark and light sides.   At first romance with Ray had me skeptical, mostly because of my feelings of real life couples playing a on screen couple, but it just worked.  Mostly, I love how as Nora slowly changed and evolved, that her relationships with the other characters grew (those Book Club scenes with Sara, Ava, Mona were soo much fun - wish that they had more moments together), there was so much more potential for Nora to bond and really become good friends with Charlie.  Also, the small moments with John and Nora were great, and wish that the writers had given us more scenes with them, because of their unique and dark history.  Also, Courtney as Marie Antoinette was a real blast.  Like Ray, there was so much rich storylines to mine with her especially with Astra in the picture, aside from the fun and amusing places that they could have taken her as the new Fairy Godmother

John Constantine - this will probably be an unpopular opinion, but I absolutely love him, and thought bringing him into the show in season 3 gave it a nice boost of energy.  The beginning of season 3 was a bit rocky for me (it had some great moments, but it was also really hard to get into for some reason).  I know some people say that there is too much of him, but I disagree.  The writers found a way to write him into the show in a natural way without shoehorning him.  Yes, he’s had storylines about him (Astra, Desmond) but also those storylines have also been part of the larger arc of a particular season.  It’s not just about Constantine, but how it has a ripple effect on the overall big bad.  I find him refreshing and fun.  Also, I really enjoy his dynamics with the cast (I love the Sara/John dynamic and god, I adored the Charlie/John friendship SO much).  John and Zari 2.0 attraction and growing relationship in season 5 was a real highlight - they have my OTP kryptonite (polar opposite couple who bicker and banter but also are kindred spirits, who call each other out on their BS but they just get each other even if they won’t admit it).  Can we also have a Mick / John team up in season 6? 

Zari(s) - I really love them both.  While I will miss Zari 1.0, I am interested to see how they will explore this new Zari and how she’ll fit into this team, and if she’ll struggle with having another version of her in the Totem, she has a chance to become more than she is.  Also, how amazing is it to have a smart, brilliant, and kickass character, whose religion (Muslim) that doesn’t make her a stereotype and is embraced as part of who she is, and how it defines her.  It’s not made into a joke.   Also, an aside, I did really love the interactions with OG Zari and Constantine - their side adventures with Charlie in season 4 were so so much fun.  Also, really wish for Zari 1.0, the writers had explored other romantic avenues for her than Nate (I would have loved to have seen a Charlie/Zari romance or more of a flirtation with Jonah Hex). And cat Zari? so cute.   

Charlie - There aren’t enough words to say how much I loved her.  She was another character who just interested me from day one, and I just loved everything about her.  Amaya was fun and kickass, but Charlie, I fell in love with her.  She was snarky, fun, and just fit so well with the team.  Her evolution was really well done. I loved all her friendships with the other Legends especially Mick, John, and Sara.  I was really crushed when the actress wanted to leave the show and work on other projects but glad that the door was left open for her to return for an episode or two.

Since this is soo long, remaining briefer thoughts:

Behrad is a precious bean.  I am so glad he’s going to stay on the show.

Gary, while I like him and he’s worked well with the show’s hijinks, hope that his goofiness doesn’t get too old now he’s a season regular.

I still really miss Jax and Stein.

 Aside from the really disappointing “love story” of Carter and Kendra, Wally was a character was so poorly used on the show and they did such a disservice to him.

Rip, while it took me awhile to warm up to him, still wish they had written off his character better in season 3.  Hope they find a way to have him return for an episode or two.

Human Gideon?  MORE PLEASE

I’d love to see Leo Snart again.  Also, more Jonah Hex!!!

Probably a long shot, but it would be great to see Captain Lance pop up, or it would be fun to have Earth 2 Laurel and Tommy Merlyn team up with the Legends.  Mostly, I’d love see Sara interact with her sister’s doppelganger.

Astra’s storyline in season 6 - really hope that the writers do her justice and watch her change as she spends more time with the Legends.

Nyssa, Sara’s former beloved, come on the show, pretty please?!

Gary Junior II, please don’t destroy the Waverider or try and kill the Legends

[thecoleopterawithana]

The next night Elliot [Mintz] took us out with a friend of his, Sal Mineo, and we all went to a gay cabaret/discotheque. John was oblivious to the gay ambience. He was curious about everyone's sexuality and liked to gossip about who was sleeping with whom, whether they were gay or straight. John made no judgements about homosexuality but was really curious about who was and who wasn't gay.   He knew that his appearance at a gay club might start rumors about his own sexuality, and it made him laugh. He told me that there had been rumors about him and his first manager, Brian Epstein, and that he usually didn't deny them. He liked the fact that people could be titillated by having suspicions about his masculinity. Then I was the one who was laughing. "How could anyone believe a man who likes women as much as you do is gay?" I told him.   After the show we went back to Mineo's apartment. I was thirsty, and Mineo told me to look in the refrigerator. There was nothing in it but one big bottle of amyl nitrite.   Mineo told John that he knew Ava Gardner. "I'm a real fan of hers. I love Ava," John replied excitedly.   Mineo went to the phone, called London, woke Gardner up, and told her that John wanted to speak to her. John took the phone. "Ava, is that you? Ava, I think you're beautiful. I've seen all your movies. Christ, is it really you?" They spoke for five minutes, then a thrilled John handed the phone back to Mineo.

In May Pang’s Loving John (1983).

-

[Once again, a million thanks to @eppysboys for sending over passages of interest.]

-

Elliot Mintz (born February 16, 1945) is an American consultant. In the 1960s and early 1970s Mintz was an underground radio DJ and host. In the 1970s he became a spokesperson for John Lennon and Yoko Ono, and took on other musicians and actors as clients as a publicist, including Bob Dylan. [...] 

Though not in a professional capacity, since the death of Lennon, Mintz has acted as a spokesperson for the Lennon estate. In addition, while sifting through Lennon's belongings, he discovered hundreds of unreleased tape recordings including half-finished new songs, early versions of famous hits, and idle thoughts. Beginning in 1988, he hosted a weekly syndicated radio series based upon these recordings called The Lost Lennon Tapes, which was broadcast for about four years. After the show came to an end, Mintz began hosting the spinoff radio program The Beatle Years. Mintz has appeared in feature documentaries about Lennon and Yoko Ono, including The U.S. vs. John Lennon, Imagine: John Lennon and The Real Yoko Ono. In 1985 he was a technical advisor on the television film John and Yoko: A Love Story. He also authored an essay about his relationship with them published in 2005 in a book entitled Memories of John Lennon. [Source]

-

Salvatore Mineo Jr. (January 10, 1939 – February 12, 1976) was an American actor, singer and director. Mineo is best known for his Academy Award-nominated performance as John "Plato" Crawford opposite James Dean in the film Rebel Without a Cause (1955). Mineo also received a Golden Globe Award and an Academy Award nomination for his supporting role in Exodus (1960). A 1950s teen idol, Mineo's acting career declined in his adult years. He was murdered in 1976. [...]

By the early 1960s, Mineo was becoming too old to play the type of role that had made him famous, and his rumoured homosexuality led to his being considered inappropriate for leading roles. [...] In 1969, Mineo returned to the stage to direct a Los Angeles production of the LGBT-themed play Fortune and Men's Eyes (1967), featuring then-unknown Don Johnson as Smitty and himself as Rocky. The production received positive reviews, although its expanded prison rape scene was criticized as excessive and gratuitous. [...] By 1976, Mineo's career had begun to turn around. While playing the role of a bisexual burglar in a series of stage performances of the comedy P.S. Your Cat Is Dead in San Francisco, Mineo received substantial publicity from many positive reviews; he moved to Los Angeles along with the play.

Mineo met English-born actress Jill Haworth on the set of the film Exodus in 1960, in which they portrayed young lovers. Mineo and Haworth were together on-and-off for many years. They were engaged to be married at one point. According to Mineo biographer Michael Gregg Michaud, Haworth cancelled the engagement after she caught Mineo engaging in sexual relations with another man. The two did remain very close friends until Mineo's death. [...] While some have described Haworth as being nothing but a close friend and a "beard" to Mineo to conceal his same-sex partners, Michaud casts doubt upon this claim; he asserts that Mineo and Haworth's relationship was genuine, that Mineo fell in love with Haworth, and that Mineo regarded her as one of the important people in his life. [Source]

“Portrait of a Marriage really disturbed [John]. The book was an account of the fifty-year marriage of Vita Sackville-West and Harold Nicholson, both of whom were bisexual and continually unfaithful to each other, yet were able to evolve a relationship of great depth and longevity despite the incompleteness of their marriage. John was very distressed by the theme of sexual incompatibility in the midst of great emotional attraction and the fact that no matter how hard one tries, a marriage may always remain incomplete.”

In a 1972 interview with Boze Hadleigh, Mineo discussed his bisexuality. At the time of his death, he was in a six-year relationship with male actor Courtney Burr III. [Source]

BH: Who are those two girls you mentioned, for a double date?

SM: (Laughs.) Are you kidding? I got a girl in every port- and a couple of guys in every port, too.

BH: Do you think rumors about being bi have hurt you in your career?

SM: Maybe. . . Nah, I doubt it. Everyone's got those rumors following him around, whether it's true or not. Everyone's supposed to be bi, starting way back with Gary Cooper and on through Brando and Clift and Dean and Newman and . . . you want me to stop?

BH: Did you resent the rumors?

SM: Well, no. Because what's wrong with being bi? Maybe most people are, deep down.

BH: Shirley MacLaine has publicly said that.

SM: I think she's right- got a good noodle, Shirl does. But anyhow, the rumor about me, from what I hear, was usually that I'm gay. Where, like, with Monty Clift or Brando, the rumor was that they're bi. [Brando later publicly admitted to bisexuality.]

— Boze Hadleigh’s interview with Sal Mineo (1972).

-

“John and I had a big talk about it, saying, basically, all of us must be bisexual. And we were sort of in a situation of thinking that we’re not [bisexual] because of society. So we are hiding the other side of ourselves, which is less acceptable. But I don’t have a strong sexual desire towards another woman.”

Have you ever? “Not really, not sexually.”

One online satire imagined an affair between Ono and Hillary Clinton.

“It’s great,” Ono laughs. “I mean, both John and I thought it was good that people think we were bisexual, or homosexual.” She laughs again.

What about that old rumor that Lennon had sex with Beatles manager Brian Epstein (which was also the subject of the 1991 film, The Hours and The Times)?

Lennon himself said: “Well, it was almost a love affair, but not quite. It was never consummated. But it was a pretty intense relationship.” Later, Lennon’s friend Pete Shotton said Lennon had told him that he had allowed Epstein to “toss [wank] him off.”

“Uh, well, the story I was told was a very explicit story, and from that I think they didn’t have it [sex],” Ono tells me. 

— in Yoko Ono: I Still Fear John’s Killer by Tim Teeman for the Daily Beast (13 October 2015).

-

Q. Have you ever fucked a guy?

A. Not yet, I thought I’d save it til I was 40, life begins at 40 you know, tho I never noticed it.

Q. It is trendy to be bisexual and you’re usually ‘keeping up with the Jones’, haven’t you ever… there was talk about you and PAUL…

A. Oh, I thought it was about me and Brian Epstein… anyway, I’m saving all the juice for my own version of THE REAL FAB FOUR BEATLES STORY etc.. etc..

Q. It seems like you’re saving quite a lot for when you’re 40…

A. Yes, there might be nothing better to do, tho I don’t believe it.

— John Lennon, interview conducted by/on John Lennon, and/or Dr Winston O’boogie, for Andy Warhol’s Interview Magazine (November 1974).

-

John: [...] I was trying to put it 'round that I was gay, you know– I thought that would throw them off… dancing at all the gay clubs in Los Angeles, flirting with the boys… but it never got off the ground.

Q: I think I’ve only heard that lately about Paul.

John: Oh, I’ve had him, he’s no good. [Laughter]

— John Lennon, interviewed by Lisa Robinson for Hit Parader: A conversation with John Lennon (December 1975).

-

Like other alkyl nitrites, amyl nitrite is bioactive in mammals, being a vasodilator, which is the basis of its use as a prescription medicine. As an inhalant, it also has a psychoactive effect, which has led to its recreational use with its smell being described as that of old socks or dirty feet. It is also referred to as banapple gas. [Source]

Popper is a slang term given broadly to drugs of the chemical class called alkyl nitrites that are inhaled. [...] Popper use has a relaxation effect on involuntary smooth muscles, such as those in the throat and anus. It is used for practical purposes to facilitate anal sex by increasing blood flow and relaxing sphincter muscles, initially within the gay community.

"If you trace the bottle of amyl (a type of alkyl nitrite) through late 20th century history, you trace the legacies of gay culture on popular culture in the 20th century”

The drug is also used or for recreational drug purposes, typically for the "high" or "rush" that the drug can create.

Poppers were part of club culture from the mid-1970s disco scene and returned to popularity in the 1980s and 1990s rave scene. [Source]

“A cable had arrived for him that very morning stating the obvious: ‘Come too quickly. Stop. Try again. Stop. Am waiting in Paris. Stop me if you’ve heard it. Stop. Stuff yourself with artichokes and live. Stop. Don’t stop. Stop.’ He knew it was from Amie L'Nitrate.”

— in John Lennon’s unfinished story about a sudden rendezvous in Paris. Published in “Skywriting By Word Of Mouth”.

-

Ava Lavinia Gardner (December 24, 1922 – January 25, 1990) was an American actress and singer. [...] Gardner appeared in several high-profile films from the 1940s to 1970s [...] She is listed 25th among the American Film Institute's 25 Greatest Female Stars of Classic Hollywood Cinema.

-

Answered asks about:

John’s sexuality

Yoko and his sister Julia’s public statements about John’s sexuality

John "trying to put it ‘round that” he was gay

The Bob Wooler Episode

The Tony Manero Story

[Disclaimer: The answer to these asks represent my personal opinion at the time, which is liable to have evolved since then.]

[intotheswamp]

COSIMA - Interview, March 2020.

Back in March, I interviewed Cosima for a fashion website’s summer campaign. Then, y’know, a pandemic kicked off. Then, y’know, I got fired from said fashion website. So when I saw the website publishing shots from said campaign, I figured that my interview with Cosima would be lost forever, or chopped into pieces, or (most likely) my work would never get the credit it deserves. So that’s why I’m publishing it here, for you to read, without being told to buy anything. One love, and motherfuck a Mike Ashley.

What’s a normal day like in the life of Cosima?

I don't have a normal day, cos every day is completely different. If I'm recording and writing in the studio, then I'll get there mid-morning so I can stay there until the next morning. If I'm more of the label side of things, then I'm sorting through all my emails. And if I'm preparing for something visual like a shoot or a music video, then I'll just be spending every day taking stuff in - reading new books, looking at new images, going through reference libraries. Every day is completely different - the only thing that's consistent is that I'll be doing scales at some point in the day to keep my voice in shape.

Tell us a little bit about yourself. How would your friends describe you?

Probably invisible, I'm always getting texts like where are you? But I'm also very loyal, very headstrong. I'm like the person who will decimate the ex or like the person who's hurt my friend. So I'm very loyal on that front. Late for everything to do with social, like parties I'm always the last person there because I'm always in the studio. And funny - like, yeah, I'm the comedian of the group chat.

I read that you discovered Ella Fitzgerald’s music at the local library, and that got you interested in music?

Yeah, I think so - before that point, I didn't understand how much the singing voice was a tool of communication, and then when I found that Ella Fitzgerald CD, it just blew my mind. It was Dulwich Library and I was always there at the time, so I would go back every week and just pick out a bunch of CDs, you know how you used to burn them to the computer? Basically that, and then I just used to have like the Billie Holiday complete Decca recordings. Just finding like stuff that way. It's not just like an album. It's like different takes, all of these different versions of making music and it's all of these kinds of like moments, because you don't realize how much how many takes there are that are maybe just as expressive, but then you only ever hear the final one. Once I discovered that it was over.

So I borrowed, like, a Judy Garland boxset from one of my really good friends at the time - again, blew my mind. Then every time I discovered a new singer, it just blew my mind because - especially in jazz, everyone's singing the same song, the same standards, but everyone sang so differently and you just can feel each person's life experiences in how they interpret the same notes. And once I discovered that, it was just kind of like every time, I discover something else, something else, something else... I'm like, very geeky when it comes to that. Like, I would just research stuff to death and every time I listened, I would just love it even more. I just wanted to make it and you make something that could move people how [this music] moved me.

When did you feel like you could sing professionally?

That's a really funny question, because I was watching this Soul Train interview with Stevie Wonder and they asked him 'when did you realize you could sing?' He was like, "I'm still waiting," something like that. And I think watching that, and seeing someone like him say that it kind of made me understand more about my relationship with my voice. I think you know you can sing in tune and in key, but I think you're always waiting for that moment where you're like, okay, like I'm a great singer. Sometimes, being in that moment means that you just get better and better, because you don't think you will complete all the colors in your vocal range. So I guess, in a way, you still work towards it.

You mentioned that you've done a lot of mood boards and I'm guessing some of that goes towards you directing your own videos. What made you want to direct?

For me it was understanding my relationship to a lot of imagery of women that I had taken when I was growing up, realising how much of that was made by men - which is fine, but how much of that was certainly balanced out by women showing themselves as who they are and telling their stories. For me, it was just really important to be able to bring myself as an artist, because your mind is like... There's certain things like you go to the gym for seven weeks because of your music video. Directing myself. I was like 'I can get up as I am right now and I can make a music video and that's fine'. For me, it was kind of understanding myself more and telling my story more and framing myself as a woman. I think all people should be able to do that in some capacity.

Do you see yourself directing a film one day?

I dunno - I think I would make one. I think I'd probably have one thing I'd want to make and that would be it but... I don't know, actually because that's a real... I didn't know if I could communicate throughout like a whole film the way that I can communicate like three minutes by singing. It's one of the things that I want to do, but we'll see.

About communicating something in three minutes: can you tell the story behind making ‘Close To You (Moonlighting)'?

That was really communicating something in three minutes, because I was really... I was furious. I was in a session and I like to do this thing when I keep writing the same way, I just feel like so relaxed - so, the writer I was working with, I just kept saying to play these 1950s chords, just keep changing it every few minutes so that I have to keep adapting to it. And then, he's like playing that - there's a demo version where I'm really badly singing the lyrics as I was writing them. So that was, like, very visceral. I was really furious, and sometimes the song writes itself because it's just kind of like something you have to say. And then I kind of took it away, and I went to build it like a 50s song but bringing in more contemporary elements.

When was the first time you really felt your music was resonating with people?

After a show, this guy came up to me and he was like, 'your set made me want to call up every single girl I ever dated and say sorry'. And I was like, [chuckles] "I hope you do that for real." I think it's easy for people who have been through something I'm singing about and relate to it, but then for someone else to be able to listen to it and see themselves in the other person and be like 'woah!', that's quite special.

As the music resonates with more and more people, have you been able to pinpoint who a regular fan of your music would be?

Someone that really feels. Someone who... [pause, thinks] Someone like me, I think.

You’ve been involved in fashion, with Marques’Almeida using your music for their runway shows. Has your approach to everyday style changed as a result of being so close to the fashion world?

So I wanted to be a stylist before I wanted to be a singer, it's always been really embedded in my life, and all my friends went to Central Saint Martins while I was doing music. So it's kind of something that really has kind of, like, always been there and I've always discovered music and fashion kind of together, but music is just what really moves me. It's just been nice when you can be involved with things that you're really passionate about or be involved in things you are really passionate about. I think as you learn more, and I style a lot of my own stuff as well, so everything I learned from working with other people, I can then apply to myself. Every time you work in a different realm, it just opens your eyes to something else and it's really easy to be, like, 'this is what I do', but working with other  people, it's like 'try that'. It's really nice.

I read that your sibling Dagmar has styled some of your videos. Does your family inspire your style?

Oh my God, in such a big way - even if it's like my sister standing by the door like 'are you sure you don't want to brush your hair' when I was in school. We're really close, me and my siblings are really close, me and my sister are really close, me and my mom are really close. And my mum's German, so even certain braids that I like to play with or different dress shapes that are very specific - corsets that are very specific to the German elements and what I like to wear... And my mum sews a lot, so if there's something I want that doesn't exist, I can sit down with her and make the patterns and stuff. So my family, it's not just in what I wear, it's... so important to me. So they influence every part of my life.

I read that you've stayed in Germany - what's the difference between a summer in a country there and one here in the UK?

So where I'm from in Germany, it's really in the countryside. Most of the summers in my life have been spent in Germany. There's something about wide-open spaces that gives you the chance to play more with who you are. When you're in London, and you grow up there, your friends are like everywhere. So even, if it's like a school holiday summer, I would always be dressed how I usually am in London - then I would go to Germany and I would try out blue mascara or like really dark black eye makeup. Just because there was, like, a lot of freedom there, because it's just like a long time with just you and an open field. And the summers there, I just find really special - I know I'm biased, but there's just more nature there and you can go on endless walks - which you can do in London, but it's nice when it's up a mountain.

What's your ideal summer day like in Peckham?

Actually just sitting in the flat and listening to everyone else's music. Listening to, like, boys playing football and arguing over who did what... when you were still allowed to play ball games downstairs. That to me is Peckham summers, I love them.

Let's say it's really really hot outside. So what's the first thing you want to eat?

In summer, I always just give up on normal food, I just want slushies. Like, all summer: slushies and ice lollies.

What’s your approach to hitting the stage in summer, are you dressing for the heat or to as a performer hitting the stage?

I'm really irresponsible when it comes to dressing weather-appropriate. So probably just whatever makes you feel comfortable, becuase I think you shouldn't really be thinking about your clothes. You should be able to just be, like, can I stand up without falling down? Yes. Can I move my arms if I need to move them? Yes, okay, I can sing now. You just have to be able to do the thing that you do.

What's the best show you've ever done in the summer?

Playing Øyafestivalen in Norway was pretty special. Yeah, that was really special. It was really... it was just a really special day.

When writing, do you ever think to yourself I'm going to make a big summer tune? Would you think that way about songwriting?

I think that, for me, to be able to write I need to not think about where it's going and what it can do after it's been written. With anything like that, I get really blocked up. But I do think - does it feel like the room feels right now? So if I'm writing in summer, when it goes into production is it going to feel like the room that it was written in? I'm thinking about it more in those terms.

What new music have you been listening to lately?

[quietly, to self] That's a really good question. I've been in the studio for ages, so I've just been listening to demos of my songs, but at home I've listened to - If I'm in the middle of writing and like making music, I do just listen to a lot of music that I know that I love because it's almost like taking your mind off what you're trying to create. But I really love Dijon.

And with those demos, can we expect big things from those in the next year or is there anything else that you've got planned for 2020?

Big things with those demos? Yes. Yeah. I'm really excited about where they're going to go. For the meantime, I'm going to be in the studio, but I would love to one day play a show in Brazil because so much of my musical education happened listening to music from Brazil because there's so much there. So it'd be really wonderful to play there as well.

What can't you leave the house without?

Lip balm and a book.

In your area, where you going when it's a sunny day outside?

Downstairs with my dog.

What's your favorite party tune?

'Pour Some Sugar on Me' by Def Leppard. Coyote Ugly I guess, yeah? [laughs]

What's your favorite sweet?

Gummies.

Fave drink mixer?

Slushies. Great drink mixer with tequila.

Favorite movie?

The Marriage of Maria Braun.

What's your favorite place on Earth?

The studio.

And your favorite piece of advice?

You're exactly where you want to be.

[risksilica5-blog]

Le chalet Cryo.

Facelift surgical Procedure

Content

Why choose Cryopen?

Mini Facelift surgical Treatment.

Why Cryo?

just How Is A Facelift treatment Performed?

Femiwand vaginal Area tightening therapy Edinburgh.

Facelift threats as Well As problems.

Early use of the expression seems to be a lot more usual in Australia/NZ and UNITED STATES than England. The earliest clear reference I've found is for 'Goody Goody Gumdrop Ice-cream' which was marketed by the Baskin-Robbins ice-cream parlour shops in their early years, which was late 1940s/early 1950s in U.S.A.. Somewhere else it is recommended that Reward Goody Gumdrop Gelato first showed up in the USA in 1965. There likewise appears to be a typical use the expression for ice-cream consisting of gumdrop sweets in New Zealand. Using the reward gumdrop expression alike speech would almost certainly have pre-dated its usage as a branding tool for ice-cream.

Is ThermiVa FDA approved?

ThermiVa, a non-ablative radiofrequency application, has been cleared by the FDA for use in dermatological and general surgical procedures for electrocoagulation and hemostasis. A non-invasive, non-surgical, non-hormonal treatment, ThermiVa uses temperature-controlled radiofrequency energy to gently heat tissue.

This is an adaptation of the earlier expression to be 'all over' something or a person definition to be obsessed or absorbed by. A similar expression to the 'affordable match' metaphor is 'around him/her like a breakout' which is flexible in terms of sex, and again likens individual interest to something certainly 'on' the sufferer, like a suit or a rash. I'm keen to find the earliest use of the 'affordable fit' expression - please tell me if you recall its use prior to 1990, or far better still can recommend a substantial renowned very early priced estimate example which could have established it. Chambers Thesaurus of Etymology differs a little with the OED in recommending that charisma replaced the earlier English spelling charism around 1875. The preference of the 1953 Much shorter OED for the words charism as well as charm recommends that prominent use charm came much behind 1875. Chambers says the Greek origin words are personal appeal and also charizesthai, from charis as well as pertaining to chairein, meaning rejoice. According to Chambers once again, the adjective charismatic appeared in English around, from the Greek charm, indicating favours given.

Why select Cryopen?

Words likewise appeared early in South African English from Afrikaans - more evidence of Dutch beginnings. This table meaning of board is just how we obtained words boardroom also, and the popular very early 1900s furniture piece called a sideboard. See likewise the expression 'sweep the board', which additionally refers to the table meaning of board. Numerous recommendations have actually been mentioned in Arabic and also Scriptural writings to suggest that it was originally based on Center- and also Far-Eastern custom-mades, in which blood rituals symbolised bonds that were more powerful than household ones. ' The blood of the commitment is stronger than the water of the womb' is an explanation priced quote by some analysts.

Mini Facelift surgery.

If anybody recognizes of any type of certain references which may support this concept and also to connect it with the Black Irish expression please inform me. This usage is more likely to be a misunderstanding and misuse of an earlier definition of the 'black Irish' expression, based upon black significance angry. for the birds - useless, unstable facts, unacceptable or trivial, implying that something is just for weaker, unintelligent or minimal individuals - American origin according to Kirkpatrick as well as Schwarz Thesaurus of Idioms. Decharne's Thesaurus of Hipster Jargon actually recommendations a quote from the Hank Janson novel Chicago Chick" 'It's insane man,' I informed him, 'Genuine insane. Strictly for the birds.'" - yet doesn't state whether this was the original usage. Maker's Dictionary of Expression as well as Myth definitely makes no mention of it which suggests it is no earlier than 20th century. The term alludes the small minds of birds, as well as expressions such as 'bird-brain', as a metaphor for individuals of limited intelligence. amateur - non-professional or un-paid, or much more lately an insulting term meaning unprofessional - the word stems from the same spelling in Old French 'amateur' significance 'enthusiast', originally meaning in English an enthusiast of a task.

Earliest use of break definition good luck was primarily U.S.A., very first videotaped in 1827 according to Partridge. boss - manager - while there are misconceptions suggesting beginnings from a particular Mr Boss, the actual derivation is from the Dutch 'baas', implying master, which was taken on into the United States language from Dutch inhabitants in the 17th century.

Incidentally Brewer also suggests that the Camel, 'ruch', became what is currently the Rook in chess. It seems that playing cards were initially called 'the Books of the Four Kings', while chess was called 'the Video game of the Four Kings'. Maker likewise mentions a reference to a specific Jacquemin Gringonneur having actually "repainted as well as guilded three packs for the King in 1392." Unassociated yet remarkably, French jargon for the horse-drawn omnibus was '4 banal' which equated after that to 'parish stove' - what a fantastic expression. Bottom likewise mentions a kick up the backside, being an additional technique of propulsion as well as ejection in such conditions. Partridge/OED suggests the luck element most likely originates from billiards, in which the initial shot breaks the initial development of the spheres and also leaves either possibility or difficulty for the challenger. This feeling is supported by the break meaning break or leisure, as in tea-break.

To commemorate the introduction of this innovative therapy we have a special deal which integrates mesotherapy with Hifu for simply an added ₤ 50.

Great lines and creases on the face and also drooping skin around the jowl area.

Doctors can target as well as deal with small amounts of tissue, reducing damages to nerves around the prostate responsible for preserving urinary system continence and sexual function.

Normally some improvement can be seen within 3 to 4 weeks adhering to therapy, with more improvements establishing for approximately six months.

Below are some of the various means you can reach the facility, depending upon which direction you're involving go to from.

Why not contact us to book in-- we make sure you'll love the outcomes.

The HIFU modern technologies we utilize target the 4 layers of skin that influence physical appearance; particularly, the epidermis, dermis, subcutaneous fat, and surface muscular aponeurotic system.

Rates for Levura HIFU Treatment will certainly vary according to the size of the area being treated and the intricacy of the therapy.

Getting to the clinic by aircraft, train or car couldn't be easier.

The center is comfortably situated on the A365 here in Melksham, which makes us unbelievably easy to find.

resting duck - very easy target or something that is prone or defenceless to assault- an allegory from shooting field sporting activity, in which a resting or hatching duck, would certainly be an easier target than one flying in the air. Oddly there is extremely little etymological referral to the extremely typical 'sitting duck' expression. doolally - mad or crazy - initially an armed forces term from India. Soldiers at the end of their term were sent to Deodali, a town near Bombay, to wait to be delivered residence. The hot climate, aggravation and dullness triggered odd practices among the delayed soldiers, who were claimed to be dealing with 'doolally touch', which was the complete expression. In the late 1600s a domino was a hood, attached to a cape used by a priest, likewise a shroud used by a female in mourning, as well as later a domino described a cape with a mask, put on at masqueredes. This was from French, stemming initially from standard spiritual Domino references in priestly language.

Can you become a virgin again?

Regardless of your situation, there's nothing you can do to grow your hymen back. A virgin is someone who's never had sex. But people define “sex” and “losing virginity” in many different ways. Bottom line: the definition of virginity is complicated, and it's really up to you to decide what you believe.

Interestingly the old Indo-European origin word for club is glembh, very similar to the origin word for golf. expat/ex-pat - individual living or working abroad - the contemporary 'expat' (as well as increasingly hyphenated 'ex-pat') expression is commonly believed to be a reducing of 'ex-patriot', yet this is not real. Around 1800 the migrant word came to be made use of as a noun to indicate an expatriated person, but still after that in the feeling of a banished individual, as opposed to one that had willingly moved abroad. The early use the expatriate word described the loss of citizenship from one's homeland, not a short-lived or relatively easy to fix situation. Making use of migrant in its contemporary interpretation seems to have actually begun around 1900, as well as was popularised by Lilian Bell's unique 'The Migrant', regarding rich Americans living in Paris, published in 1902. Purely talking for that reason, the proper type is deportee, not ex-pat.

Can guys tell if a girl is virgin?

It's possible, but not guaranteed that he won't know. Will he be able to tell you're a virgin by looking at you naked? No. In fact, some experts say there may be no way to tell if a woman is a virgin, even with gynecological tests.

Why Cryo?

In 1968 the pop group 1910 Fruitgum Firm had a little UK graph success with a song called Goody Goody Gumdrops, and also there is no doubt that the expression was strongly developed in the UK, U.S.A. and Aus/NZ by the 1960s. There is some association with, as well as certainly some impact from the 'Goody Two Shoes' expression, in that the meaning is essentially buffooning or putting down a gain of some type. Golf is a Scottish word from the 1400s, at which time words gouf was also made use of. Related to these, kolfr is an old Icelandic word for a rod or blunt arrowhead. All these derive eventually from Proto-Germanic kulb, in turn from the old Indo-European word glebh. The primary point of view recommends that words golf perhaps entered Scottish language from Dutch, where comparable words were made use of specifically describing video games involving hitting a round with a club.

how Is A Facelift procedure Performed?

dead end - dead-end road, a road shut at one end/blind alley - this extensively utilized English street indicator and also term is from the French, meaning the same, from cul and also cavity. By the way, calling someone a 'cul' in French equates to the disparaging English term 'arse', given that cul also means the bottom or behind of an individual. I am informed also that cul de cavity is regarded as a rather repulsive expression by the French when they see it on British street signs; the French use instead the term 'deadlock' by themselves dead-end street indicators. The orginal usage originates from the French créole, from Portuguese crioulo, related the Portuguese verb criar, to increase, from Latin creare, indicating produce. The name 'Socks' was instead pronounced the winner, as well as the feline properly named.

How long does it take for ThermiVa to work?

ThermiVa treatments are gentle, relaxing and feel like an internal, warm massage. How soon will I notice results? Results vary from person to person, although some patients have reported immediate improvement, you can expect the benefits to be noticeable in about 2 weeks after treatment.

Femiwand vagina tightening Up therapy Edinburgh.

A supposed John Walker, an outside staff of the firm Longman Clementi as well as Carbon Monoxide, of Cheapside, London, is one such individual referenced by Cassells vernacular thesaurus. scam - deceive deliberately - the hoodwink word is initial recorded in 1562 according to Chambers. It simply stems from the actual meaning and also make use of to describe covering the eyes with a hood or blindfold.

It particularly connects to individual enthusiasms and also feeling of fulfillment or fate. The fulfillment of personal objective - past academic and adult conditioning. A basis of analyzing whether you've maximized your life, when it's far too late to have an additional go. As at September 2008 Google lists 97 uses of this word on the whole web, yet most/very a lot of those seem to be typing errors inadvertently signing up with words life and also wishing, which do not count. I'm open to tips or insurance claims of first usage and also source. Occasionally you can see the birth or early advancement of a brand-new word, prior to virtually any person else, as well as definitely prior to the thesaurus. If you are reading this in 2008 or perhaps very early 2009, after that this is perhaps one of those events.

Words mews is in fact from Falconry, in which predators such as goshawks were used to capture rabbits and various other game. Falconry came to be exceptionally preferred in medieval England, and was a much-loved sporting activity of aristocracy till the 1700s. Mew was initially a verb which defined a hawk's moulting or losing plumes, from Old French muer, as well as Latin mutare, suggesting to change. Mew then came to be a name for the hawk cage, and also described the technique of keeping a hawk shut away while molting. The imperial stables, initially established in Charing Cross London in the mid-1200s, were on the site of hawks mews, which triggered the word mews to transfer to stables. lifelonging/to lifelong - something meaningful yearned for every one of your life/or the verb sense of longing for something for your whole life - a lately progressed portmanteau word.

Today's metaphorical expression as well as definition 'to trick' established in the early 17thC from the earlier use of words to indicate 'hide' in the late 16thC. Her change is qualified by her having just a single shoe when inadequate, and also being provided a pair of footwear, which marked the beginning of her brand-new discovered as well as obviously enthusiastically self-proclaimed pleasure. The expression could be from as much back as the mid-1800s, given that 'goodie/goody' has been used to describe yummy food since then, which would have lent extra relevance to the significance of the expression. Also, words gumdrop as a name for the range of chewy sugared gum desserts appears to have gotten in American English speech in around 1860, according to Chambers. Nevertheless it's more probable that prominent use of goody gumdrops began in the mid-1900s, among kids, when mass-marketing of the sweets would have increased.

After treatment.

Charisma, which most likely grew from charismatic, which grew from charm, had mostly trembled its spiritual associations by the mid 1900s, and also progressed its non-religious meaning of personal magnetism by the 1960s. Even more information concerning the origins as well as interpretations of personal appeal is on the personal appeal web page. Maker's view is that playing cards were developed from an Indian video game called 'The 4 Rajahs', which follows the idea that the roots of playing cards were Eastern. In The Four Rajahs game the having fun items were the King; the General (referred to as 'fierche'); the Elephant (' phil'); the Horsemen; the Camel (' ruch'); and also the Infantry. Likewise Brewer claims that the Elephant, 'phil', was exchanged 'fol' or 'fou', indicating Knave, comparable to the 'Jack'.

What are the side effects of the Mona Lisa touch?

Some of the potential side effects associated with this procedure include:General discomfort. Mild spotting or bleeding. Brown, pink, or watery vaginal discharge. Inflammation, redness, or swelling. Irritation, itching, tenderness, or a burning sensation with urination.

Chambers in fact contains a whole lot even more information about the variations of the diet words relating to food especially, for instance that words dietician appeared as late as 1905. It is interesting that the original Greek definition as well as derivation of the diet - training course of life - relates so strongly to the modern concept that 'we are what we eat', which diet regimen is so very closely connected to how we feel as well as behave as people. The modern-day diet regimen word currently resonates plainly with its real original definition.

The images of a black cloak and also mask eye-holes subsequently gave the motivation for the dominoes video game to be so-called - in both languages the video game was originally called domino, not dominoes. Surprisingly, the name of the game showed up in Italy also later on, around 1830, from France, full circle to its Latin origins. So, while the lord as well as master origins exist and also no doubt aided the adoption of the name, the exact organization is to a black cloak as well as mask, as opposed to lordly supremacy or the winning objective of the game. Words came into the English language by concerning 1200, and 1450, from the Greek, via Latin, then French. The diet meaning assembly was likewise affected by Latin dies significance days, relating to journal as well as timing. cellulite treatments produced the German tag as it shows up in the words for assembly, Reichstag, Bundestag, and Landtag.

What is a FemiWand?

Vaginal Tightening with FemiWand® is a non-invasive, non-surgical treatment designed to restore and repair vaginal tissue without the use of anaesthetic or numbing creams. FemiWand® is a High-Intensity Focused Ultrasound treatment that utilises powerful ultrasound energy.

The terms 'cookie collapsing' (pertaining to breasts as well as sexual intercourse - use your imagination), 'cookie duster', as well as 'cookie crumbs' (Bill Clinton's ruin) extend the the sex-related connotations into even more salacious region. The paradox is naturally that no-one would have been any the smarter concerning these significances had the Blue Peter monitoring not sought to shield all of us. Using words idea - as a metaphor based upon the round of thread/maze tale - referring to addressing a secret is initial taped in 1628, and also previously as clew in 1386, in Chaucer's Legend of Good Women. The allusion is to the clingy as well as apparent nature of an inexpensive suit, most likely of a tacky/loud/garish/ unappetizing layout. When it comes to adulation there may also a suggestion of toadiness or sycophancy.

[fatgirlsguidetodating]

Blog: Almost 40.

I’ve never been one for posting particularly introspective blog entries publicly. It’s not that I don’t contemplate things, or even write about them, but for the most part those meandering musings are confined only to my phone’s notes app- my most used app behind Facebook. And on those rare occasions that I *do* publicly blog about them I usually keep it on a relatively superficial level as I don’t necessarily like opening up my mind (and insecurities) to strangers.

But I’m turning 40 in less than a month and I think this is the catalyst that’s prompted a lot more thought about things than I’d ordinarily give them. I’d always considered 40 old but, as I approach it, I don’t *feel* old. And my family and friends would be rather quick to point out I don’t act it either. I always thought by 40 I would be much further along in life than I am. That I’d have a good job, a nice husband, a nice house, kids, that whole suburban dream. But... I haven’t.

And I started thinking if I’m a ball of mixed emotions about turning 40 maybe there’s other women- and men for that matter- who are feeling the exact same way so perhaps if I’m to break my self imposed cocoon of privacy around my innermost thoughts now might be the perfect time to give it a shot. So, with that being said, here goes nothing...

Here’s the thing: I remember my Mum’s 40th. I had just turned 10. I was sitting outside with my cousins, all of similar ages, and we were making fun of what we considered to be the appalling music taste our respective parents had. I even remember the leather pants Mum was wearing. She claims to have forgotten them but I think she’s faking that despite her bad memory. It didn’t even occur to me for a millisecond that my 40th wouldn’t be spent in a similar fashion. I just assumed life would follow the same path most women’s lives had followed for generations (with one caveat- I was planning to be the first one to go to uni): I’d find a job, I’d find a husband, we’d buy a house with a white picket fence, and we’d have 2.5 kids and a dog. And that all of that would be well and truly achieved by the time I turned 40. Just like it had been for my mum, and her mum before her, and hers before her. It was just the way things went, you know?

And then life happened. There’s a line in “Beautiful Boy” one of the John Lennon songs that I love that says “life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” and it couldn’t be any truer in the 21st century than It was when it was written in 1980. (It’s a cruel twist of fate that it was written not long before he died and released after his death.)

For me “life” was all about my health, or lack thereof. I’ve mentioned the back issues before and the many hospital visits, and the 70 plus back ops. In essence this put things on hold: work, getting a home of my own, finding a guy (hard when you are always in and out of hospital and have problems losing weight) and having kids. So as I approach 40 without those things I’m not necessarily looking forward to it the way many do. (Plus if I get one “over the hill” card the person giving it to me shall be in a body bag.)

One thing I noticed when researching this blog post was Google searches about turning 40 seemed to concentrate on two things: what your health would be like post 40 and life as a Mum. Well what about those of us who are single and childless? Are we invisible? This didn’t particularly help with my mixed emotions about this supposed great milestone.

And it seems I’m not alone. Dr. Nancy Oreilly wrote about women’s aging anxiety that regardless of how you feel towards turning 40 you’ll still do what everyone does at this juncture and take stock of your life thus far. Things like “what have you done with your life? Are you the person you intended to be and are you living the life you want?” (1.)

In Lisa Bono’s interview with author Glynnis MacNicol about her book “No one tells you this” for the Sydney Morning Herald about life as a single 40 year old woman MacNicol admits she approached her 40th with “so much dread and shame" because she didn't have what she was "supposed" to have - a husband and a kid or two.... (because) we don't understand how to talk about women's lives as fulfilling unless we incorporate babies or weddings.” (2.)

Meredith Goldberg, in her article about age being just a number posed the question that if indeed age was just a number why was she feeling so apprehensive? Was it because she felt “like (she) had not accomplished enough in (her) 40 years on earth?” (3.) After all she hadn’t gotten married, hadn’t had kids, didn’t have another advanced degree.

Interestingly studies over the last decade or so have shown that the start of middle age (which, much to my chagrin given my belief I’m still like a much younger woman, is considered to be 40) often correlates with the time when people are the least happy, have the lowest levels of life satisfaction and highest levels of anxiety. A study at the University of Warwick and Dartmouth College attributed this to the facts that at this stage “adults are often faced with the pressures of raising children and looking after aging parents while simultaneously dealing with mounting financial and career pressures.“ (4)

Is it all too late for me- and other women turning 40 without a child- though? This is one of the most common thoughts going round and round in my head as I approach 40. I mean we all know about the whole ticking biological clock right? Even when I was doing my first postrgrad degree at 24, working part time, still single, still living at home, I still thought well there’s plenty of time. At 28 when I was finishing with postgrad, working full time but still single I *still* thought well there’s still a fair bit of time. At 33 it changed to well I guess there’s still time if I get a bit of a hurry on now. And now, at 39, single and childless, I think well maybe it’s too late now.

In her article about turning 40 whilst single and childless Bethany Jenkins wrote that it’s not only common but practically universal for a woman to expect and long for children, “to bring new life into the world; to put her hand on her belly as her baby grows; to wonder whether the newborn will have her or her beloved’s eyes; to hear “mom” not as a word uttered by her own voice to her own mother but as a call from her child’s voice for her.” (5) MacNicol in her book echoes that saying “as women, we’re taught to expect our stories to turn to marriage and children at a certain point in time (namely, before 40.)” (6)

Robin Deutsch, a psychologist and associate professor at William James College in Newton also points out that women reaching 40 tend to be more confident, have more wisdom and make better choices. (4) (Does she even know me?) But when you really think about it the whole “life begins at 40” theory has some merit. Julia Child didn’t publish her first cookbook until she was almost 50. Vera Wang didn’t start her fashion career until 40.

The fact that these women have the same feelings surrounding turning 40 whilst single and childless gives me some comfort. There’s a quote from Jung that I remember from philosophy at uni. He said that life begins at 40 and until then you’re just doing research. And maybe I’ve got to look at the positives in my current circumstances? One big upside I see is freedom. I plan to travel and return to uni to study something I’m passionate about and it’s doubtful I could do this had my life taken that path I was so sure it would.

So does this mean that the formula that my mum and all my ancestors followed, that unsaid life plan of when to get married, buy a home and have kids, is a thing of the past? We know women have children later these days. In fact the median age for a first kid these days is 30.6 as per the ABS reports

From the 1950s to mid 1970s, the fertility rates of women aged 20–24 and 25–29 were patently higher than that of all other age groups. Since then, the fertility rates for women in their 20s have been steadily declining whilst rates of those aged in their 30s have mostly increased since the early 1980s. Since 2000, the fertility rate of women in their early 30s has been higher than all other groups. It’s not just that women are having babies later but also the birth rate has declined. In 1950 the birth rate was 23.124. Its predicted 2020 will be at 12.561. (ABS yearly reports.)

We know women have children later these days, preferring to be settled and to have done the things they thought they’d not be able to do after before becoming a parent. Compared to our mothers, our grandmothers and so on we have more choices and not every woman’s first goal in life is having a child. (8)

The differences between say baby boomers and millennials are striking. It’s not just the fact that they settle down later but there are also other factors that mean by the time we turn 40 we may not have all the things our ancestors have but there are other priorities we have. For instance more women go to university now than they did when my Mum was turning 40. And after spending the time, work and money to get a degree it’s only natural that it follows that they want to get more out of their careers. Whilst baby boomers are more driven by loyalty, often staying at the same company for years, millennials are more interested in achieving more, whether that’s at the same company or not. (9) My father, for example, worked for the same company his entire life. He could have gone to many others with the knowledge he’d accumulated but he liked his job and he was happy there so it didn’t even really occur to him in more than a passing thought.

Then you look at things like buying a home. It’s ironic given that pay has increased that millennials are putting home ownership off longer than previous generations. Whilst people of my parents generation were content with a “starter home” these days more and more first home buyers want a bigger home, with bigger and better appliances, closer to the city than the suburbs etc. Research has found that rather than jump straight into a mortgage millennials look at travel, and spending their pay on things like Ubers and Lyfts, coffee, gadgets, clothes, and live entertainment and sports. (9)

Marriage is also something we do later. Consider the fact that whilst almost “50% of baby boomers were married between the ages of 18 to 32... a mere 26% of millennials are married in the same age range.” (9)

The fact that so many other women have the same feelings surrounding turning 40 whilst single and childless gives me some comfort. There’s a quote from Jung that I remember from philosophy at uni. He said that life begins at 40 and until then you’re just doing research. And maybe I’ve got to look at the positives in my current circumstances? One big upside I see is freedom. In the next 12 months I plan to travel and return to uni to study something I’m passionate about and it’s doubtful I could do this had my life taken that path I was so sure it would.

In an article published on mindbodygreen.com the writer spoke about how well-meaning friends had been asking her did she not want to have kids, did she not want to get married, etc, and she was quick to say that this can actually be the “most celebrated time of your life (and to) consider yourself blessed and enjoy the freedom.” (10) She listed some of the things to celebrate about turning 40 whilst single and childless. Like me travel was up there on her list as was the time to Perdue your passions. She also mentioned “(the) opportunity to nurture your friendships and relationships with family...(and that) the dating pool is large in your 40’s (given) a large majority of our population is divorced... there are so many

social media dating sites and social events in every major city... (and) you know what you're looking for.” (10)

So maybe instead of worrying about why I’m not where I wanted to be turning 40, worrying that it’s too late, worrying that my friends are further along than I am, I should be embracing it. The future is mine. I’ve just got to find a way to embrace it.

Fatgirl.

Sources:

1.) https://www.drnancyoreilly.com/40-2/

2.) https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/no-one-tells-you-life-as-a-40-year-old-single-woman-can-be-like-this-20180717-p4zs16.html

3.) https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1140197/anxious-about-turning-40/amp/

4.) https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bostonglobe.com/magazine/2017/06/01/seriously-now-what-traumatic-about-turning/UVnbdmxVvLSzwoB8Yo4wGP/story.html%3foutputType=amp

5.) https://ifstudies.org/blog/reflections-on-turning-40-while-single-and-childless

6.) https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.wellandgood.com/good-advice/single-at-40-glynnis-macnicol-interview/amp/

7.) https://aifs.gov.au/facts-and-figures/births-in-australia

8.) https://www.mamamia.com.au/average-age-to-have-kids/

9.) https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.businessinsider.com/difference-millennials-baby-boomers-2019-4%3famp

10.) https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.mindbodygreen.com/articles/so-im-single-40-and-childless-now-what--10631

[sarahjart]

UNIT EIGHT- AUDIENCE/VISIBILITY- SLSL: REFERENCES: HOW TO TELL STORIES

There are millions of ways to tell a y. For this project we are being encouraged to think about the specific mechanics of how you can tell a story- broadening the perspective of my horizon as an illustrator. I have taken most of the artists given in the brief document to explore some of the more ‘event’ friendly ways of telling a story. 

Janette Paris- ANIMATION AND STRIP COMIC

Janette Paris creates bright and punching strip comics and animations based in Peckham. Although I am not a big fan of the style of her work, I appreciate how effective this medium is at telling a story concisely. 

The Paper Cinema- PAPER ANIMATION

This was my favourite reference artist given by the brief. The Paper Cinema is a company who make films, mostly of classics or Shakespeare, using paper. the paper is moved freely in front of the camera, not using stop motion, and cleverly manipulated to tell the story. I absolutely love the aesthetic of this piece and am inspired by it to possibly make a film. 

Manga Kamishibai- AN ILLUSTRATED ‘SLIDESHOW’

Kamishibai (Japanese: 紙芝居, "paper play") is a form of Japanese street theatre and storytelling that was popular during the Depression of the 1930s and the post-war period in Japan. 

Kamishibai was told by a kamishibaiya ("kamishibai narrator") who travelled to street corners with sets of illustrated boards that they placed in a miniature stage-like device and narrated the story by changing each image. 

I like the idea of this as an almost hand- illustrated television. I think this style of storytelling would work well at the event, however you have to have the confidence to embody the role of narrator, which I unfortunately cannot do. 

Samizdat- SELF PUBLISHED BOOKS/PERIODICALS 

Samizdat ("self-publishing")  in which individuals reproduced censored and underground publications by hand and passed the documents from reader to reader. This grassroots practice to evade official Soviet censorship was fraught with danger, as harsh punishments were meted out to people caught possessing or copying censored materials. Vladimir Bukovsky summarized it as follows: "Samizdat: I write it myself, edit it myself, censor it myself, publish it myself, distribute it myself, and spend time in prison for it myself."

This is an interesting format of storytelling because it requires the use of reproduction through multiple people, perhaps producing a sort of Chinese whispers style warping of the final document. I like the idea of the story evolving and being told through reproductions. However, I don’t think any of the stories I have collected from the ice rink are really appropriate for this form of storytelling. 

Broadsides- NEWSPAPER STYLE

Elizabethan poetry ‘ballads’ where produced on large sheets in the paper called ‘broadsides’. they were accompanied by gorgeously stylised illustrations. I think this is an interesting way to possibly tell a story- perhaps even in ballad form! however I’m not sure how good this would be for an event as it isn’t very interactive. 

Theatre- PERFORMANCE ART

Long has the art of theatre been used to tell stories. Looking into it, I could use multiple elements of theatre, without using theatre itself, to tell stories, for example the sets, staging and costumes, tell stories for themselves. 

Spoken Word/ Rap songs- MUSIC AS A WAY TO TELL STORIES

The Liverpool Poets are a number of influential 1960s poets from Liverpool, England, influenced by 1950s Beat poetry. They were involved in the 1960s Liverpool scene that gave rise to The Beatles.

Their work is characterised by its directness of expression, simplicity of language, suitability for live performance and concern for contemporary subjects and references. There is often humour, but the full range of human experience and emotion is addressed.

ANOTHER EXAMPLE: 

Pussy Riot is a Russian feminist protest punk rock group based in Moscow. Founded in August 2011, it has had a variable membership of approximately 11 women [1] ranging in age from about 20 to 33 (as of 2012).[2] The group staged unauthorized provocative guerrilla performances in public places, performances that were filmed as music videos and posted on the Internet.[3] The collective's lyrical themes included feminism, LGBT rights, and opposition to Russian President Vladimir Putin, whom the group considered to be a dictator, and his policies.[2] These themes also encompassed Putin's links to the leadership of the Russian Orthodox Church

Music is a very powerful tool to get across emotion in the telling of stories, however, I don’t have any musical bones in my body so this isn’t really an option for me! 

Shadow Puppetry- PERFORMANCE WITH PROPS 

The Sbek Thom is a Khmer shadow theatre featuring twometre high, non-articulated puppets made of leather openwork. Dating from before the Angkorian period, the Sbek Thom, along with the Royal Ballet and mask theatre, is considered sacred. Dedicated to the divinities, performances could only take place on specific occasions three or four times a year, such as the Khmer New Year, the King’s birthday or the veneration of famous people. After the fall of Angkor in the fifteenth century, the shadow theatre evolved beyond a ritualistic activity to become an artistic form, while retaining its ceremonial dimension.

The puppets are made from a single piece of leather in a special ceremony for each character representing gods and deities. The hides are dyed with a solution made from the bark of the Kandaol tree. The artisan draws the desired figure on the tanned hide, then cuts it out and paints it before attaching it to two bamboo sticks enabling the dancer to control the puppet. 

Shadow puppetry in all of its forms has long been a fascination of mine, along with simple puppetry itself. I think it is a really interesting way of telling a story and it is something I would consider for my project. 

Immersive Theatre - THEATRE WITH A THEMED ENVIRONMENT

Phantasmagoria  was a form of horror theatre that used one or more magic lanterns to project frightening images such as skeletons, demons, and ghosts onto walls, smoke, or semi-transparent screens, typically using rear projection to keep the lantern out of sight. Mobile or portable projectors were used, allowing the projected image to move and change size on the screen, and multiple projecting devices allowed for quick switching of different images.

 In many shows the use of spooky decoration, total darkness, (auto-)suggestive verbal presentation, and sound effects were also key elements. Some shows added all kinds of sensory stimulation, including smells and electric shocks. Even required fasting, fatigue (late shows) and drugs have been mentioned as methods of making sure spectators would be more convinced of what they saw. The shows started under the guise of actual séances in Germany in the late 18th century, and gained popularity through most of Europe (including Britain) throughout the 19th century. 

Theming in an environment, for example stage sets of theme parks, has long been a passion of mine. The more immersive the better. I love the idea of this type of production and think I might use elements of it in my own work. 

Sideshows

In North America, a sideshow is an extra, secondary production associated with a circus, carnival, fair, or other such attraction. 

I think the most interesting thig here are the painted signs leading you to the sideshows. They are such an old fashioned art form. I have previously done a huge project on circus signage so am very interested in painting signage for my project too! 

[carrietrekkie]

Pike/Female OC

I think I´ll try a little experiment and posting my Pike/Female OC Story.

It´s been a while since my last release of a story and it will be my very first in English. I finished only a OC Ask Meme about her in English, so, if someone liked it or want´s to know more about that story, let me know and i will translate the images and stories. 

Please let me also know, if there are linguistic mistakes.

So, here it is!

What is your character´s full name?:    Cathrin Elizabeth Zimmer (Ranks from Lieutenant to Commander)

 When were they born?: 31.10.1986, Germany, Another Dimension.

 What are their parent´s names?: Robert Zimmer, Annabell Zimmer

 Do they have any brothers or sisters?: An older brother, Markus Zimmer

 What kind of eyes do they have: Green eyes with golden sparkles. She has a warm gaze, not afraid of eye contact, even which strangers, this comes from her education and the time she spends with people in her past job.

 What kind of hair do they have?: Dark nut brown hair. It falls in soft waves over her armpit but at duty she used to wear it up to a ponytail or a updos with braids.

 What is their complexion like? Fair skin, she always used to be very pale, she tans really slowly but that takes time

 What body type are they? 5.5, she is average, bit curvy and loves it. By the time she arrives in the 23 century and the events followed by her apparition, she starts to train and learn a lot of  Martial Arts to protect her crewmembers and herself if there is need to, so she gets a little more athletic.

 What is listening to their voice like? Cathrin has an unexpected deep voice that skip a bit, when she´s getting emotional. She trained that because she made the experience that a deep, warm voice calms patients and people much more than a highly tone. Some of her phrases are old fashioned to the people around her, that’s something Chris loves about her and he started to use them to, long before they get together.

She loves to sing, but thinks she´s not very talented, so she keep it private but sometimes, when she is concentrated, it happens in public. Dr. Culber found it enchanting after it happens in his presence but never mentioned it to her, until she leaves Discovery.  

 What do they hate most about themselves? Cathrin hate her uncertainty about the 23 century. Almost everything is new to her, despite her memories of the events in the “Star Trek Universe”, it’s a completely different thing to be thrown into this life without advance warning. She had to ask about everything, even the things that totally normal for everyone around her and after all this time she spent in her new life, there is always something new and unexpected that made her feel like a complete idiot. (Just imagine pull out of your time, space and dimension and been thrown over 200 years into the future.)

 Do they have a favorite quote?

To see your world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wild flower. To hold infinity in the palm of your hand, An eternity in an hour.

Her father used to read her and her brother poems when there where children, this one is the last he told them, on the day he passed away.

_Be bold, be brave, be courageous. _

The words she read to her nephew at his christening. Much later, she said this to Pike and he completed her sentence without hesitation, they started to say goodbye with that, before they go on separate or dangerous missions. He once said this words carried them to the hardest and darkest times of their life, as well as thru the best and brightest.  

 What sort of music do they enjoy? Cathrin is very into music. She holds the musical data she brought with her like a treasure. She enjoyed a peculiar mixture of music: Pop, Rock, Metal, Country, World Music and Soundtracks from the 1950 till 2019. She also enjoys some stuff from the 23th century, but there she is highly influenced by Chris Favorites.

Once she made a playlist for Chris ( as a thanks for keeping her from drowning, after the first time she was forced to kill, to save Ash Tylers Life), she called it cheesy and terribly old fashioned, he says it´s one of the best gifts he ever received. And with time goes by every song from this list, fits to something that’s happened in their lives.

Have/would they ever cheat(ed) on a partner?: No, she would never do that. When she loves, she does with her full heart, soul and mind. Cathrin is a very romantic person but is uncertain how to show it in the right way or at all.

Have they been cheated on by a partner?: Yes. Back in her old life, her fiancé cheated on her a few weeks before their weeding. And although a year after that, she could forgive him, there both were very young and maybe to naive about their relationship, but she never forget that feeling and swear she would never do such horrible thing to someone she love.  

Have they ever lost someone close to them? Cathrin lost everyone she knew and loves when the signal brought her into the 23 century. It took her a while to get to live on with that, but she heeded Chris advice to let them go, since they lived there lives long ago and hers is just to start at a new point.

She is afraid to loss her new friends and crewmembers and, even though she´s used to dead by her job, she still mourn every patient that passed away on her duty.

Her father died, after a long illness, when she and her brother where teenagers.

Are they judgmental of others? No. She treated everyone the same way, unless she get´s a reason for being so rude. She was not a very popular companion when she was at school, sometimes she get bullied, so she decided, she would never be a person like that. 

Have they ever been drunk? Yes. The worst drunkenness was at a party after her father´s funeral. Cathrin had a completely blackout on that evening. After that night she nearly tolerated nothing alcoholic and only drinks a glass on very special occasions. The champagne Pike serves her after her admission to Starfleet nearly knocks her out and he still makes his jokes about that. (There was a party after that but she can´t remember anything about that.)

What are they like when they stay up all night? A little bit like a humming-bird, reinforced by the amount of coffee she consumed to get through the night at all. She speaks to much and to fast and gets very jumpy. Usually Cathrin is not a night person, she needs her sleep and she needs to be rested before she takes a step into an OP to lay a life of someone in her hands. But if it´s necessary, and thanks to the training and conditions, she could pull herself together to get through tough times, but she don´t like it, she know it is unhealthy to let it happened to often.

 What evokes strong memories for them? A lot of thinks throws her back to things she´s been through, but that are memories she can deal with, like the death of her father, her first heartbreak or the good times, she had with her childhood friends.

Much more harder to process are the flashbacks and buried memories that comes with her knowledge of thinks that probably could happen in the future. For them there are no fixed triggers, so it overcomes her from time to time with unexpected effects and results. Cathrin hates it but can do nothing against it, sometimes it´s like a whisper but otherwise it could knock her completely out and most of this times she ended in sick bay and with a lot of questions she never could answer entirely.

The only memory she could share and prevent form happening, was Pikes fate but she always fear, that with hold up these events, there would be another tragic end for him (she knew, there is some, but she has no access to it) and when she see it clearly, it would be to late.

Anyway she wrote down every fragment she remembers in a notebook and made a note in it, that after her and Chris dead it should go to the Captain and First Officer of the Enterprise.  

 What do they do on rainy days?: Cathrin used to read on rainy days, doing laundry, watching movies or series.

After rainy days could only happen on personal leave times, she takes these days to do nothing or just things she really likes. Take a long bath, stay in bed till midday, preferred by breakfast also in bed or just listen to music. On top of this list stands spending time with Chris, catch up the things they have to less time on board of Enterprise, even if it´s just sitting side by side by the fireplace, reading a book or dancing to their favorite songs.  

**What religion are they? **Cathrin grew up in a little catholic embossed village in Germany. She never get to much into religion but always had faith and believe that there are more tings between earth and sky than science will show her.

She stayed with it, after her arrival in the future and pulled from it, when the days and nights are getting dark and sometimes hopeless. Her spiritual side goes along with her scientific way to live, she never saw a reason why they had to exclude each other.

What do they wear to bed?: Cathrin wears a pyjama shorts with a shirt, sometimes a nightgown, accounting on her daily condition. When she is away from Enterprise for Starfleet Academy, she usually wears some of Chris t-shirts and a long pyjama pants (She had some strange encounters at night in the dorm, so she decided to be as dressed as possible). On vacation she sometimes sleeps in underwear or less.

Do they have any tattoos or piercings?: No tattoos, but she get her ears pierced when she was a little girl.

Cathrin don´t like needles at all, every time she has to take a blood sample from a patient or give an injection in the past, she suffered with him. One reason she thinks Hyposprays are a gift of heaven.

What type of clothing are they most comfortable in?: Cathrin loves the clothes she had with her, when she was brought to Discovery (Jeans, a shirt, a black dress and coat, two pairs of high heels), even the Jeans get ripped, she never thrown it away.

She likes her blue Enterprise uniform more than the dark blue from Discovery. Of duty she likes to wear dresses and skirts, shoes with a heel( gives her the illusion to get nearly the high of Chris) and sometimes the “county girl style” Chris loves so much on her.

 What is their favorite food?: Cathrin is addicted to desserts and sweet thinks. Baking was one of her hobbies, but you can´t bake cookies on a space ship.

On personal leave she sometimes cooks. Her all time favorite are Pancakes, done by the recipe of her mother, that’s something she really missed.

Do they have any enemies?: No personal enemies. But if you are in Starfleet, it comes with the duty and some decisions you forced to make. She´s sure there are a few people in the galaxy, who prefer her dead then still alive, but they first have to pass Chris and the crew of the Enterprise.

What does their writing look like?: Cathrin has a very elegant writing but when she´s in hurry, so most of the time, it goes undecipherable. This also caused back to her time as a medical assistant and later as a Paramedic.

What disgusts them? Liars, disloyalty, dishonorable intentions. She has a high loyal compass and goes not well with people who infringe it. Cathrin hates senseless violence and every action that caused damage to the ones she love and who stands under her protection.  

[forever-rogue]

1950

A/N: Not a request, but I’ve been obsessed with this song lately. And I loved the idea of it with our favorite Hiddles. I hope you guys enjoy! Requests and Taglists are open! xx

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Word Count: k

Warning: Some mentions of “adult themes” but nothing too bad. 

MASTERLIST

SONG

“Hey sweetheart,” Y/N looked up from her laptop and came face to face with a man who was leaning against her table. She frowned at him, annoyed by this random man’s sudden appearance. He looked about as sleazy as they come.

“Can I help you?” she asked, putting on an annoyed face, hoping he would take the hint and leave soon. A smirk worked it’s way on his features.

“I was just wondering what a pretty little thing like you is doing all by yourself,” he asked, looking like he was ready to sit down in the chair opposite hers.

She narrowed her eyes at him, ready to give him a smart retort when Tom appeared out of nowhere and sat down in the chair, sliding a fresh cup of coffee her way, “sorry I’m late, darling. Who’s this?”

“Whoa sorry, man. I just thought I recognized her,” the man held up his hands in defense as he backed away, quietly disappearing into the main part of the cafe, cloaked by the crowds.

“My hero, coming just in time,” she grinned at Tom as she took the coffee and took a long sip from it, thankful as always for him.

“I’l always be here for you love,” he winked at her.

I hate it when dudes try to chase me

But I love it when you try to save me

Cause I'm just a lady

Y/N felt the sun warming her skin, causing her to slowly open her eyes and stretch. The windows to the bedroom were wide open, and the warm afternoon breeze felt amazing against her skin. She rolled over and noticed that Tom was no longer next to her. She frowned lightly to herself but stood up, wrapping the sheet around her naked body as she walked into the living room, where she spied Tom standing on the balcony, observing the busy city below.

She quietly walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, gently placing a kiss on his bare shoulder. He leaned lightly back against her as a big smile grew on his face, “I’m glad you didn’t leave.”

He turned around so he was face to face with her and cradled her face gently in his soft hands. He looked over her, studying all her features closely, the afterglow of their lovemaking still here, and noting how much he loved her - even if he wasn’t always the best at showing it. He leaned down and captured her lips in a soft kiss, which caused her to melt into his touch.

It's so cold that your stare's 'bout to kill me

I'm surprised when you kiss me

“I love you more than you know,” he whispered quietly as he let go of her. A soft blush crept into her cheeks as she simply nodded. Sometimes it was hard with Tom; often he was there and then he’d be gone for long periods of time. She understood it was the nature of his job, but it was still hard nonetheless. They had never officially said anything about their relationship status, but deep down she always knew Tom was more than a friend, “I’ll make us something to eat, okay?”

She gave a nod of agreement and watched him walk back inside and into the kitchen. She studied him for a moment, hoping that maybe things would be different this time, and maybe they’d actually make things official.

So tell me why my gods look like you

And tell me why it's wrong

Y/N sat in the empty kitchen and sighed to herself as she skimmed the morning newspaper. The world was falling apart, which she already knew, but she decided to keep up on the current events regardless. That and it would keep her mind off of Tom, who had once again left to go off filming and had already been gone for several long months. He had slipped away in the early morning after they had spent the night together, leaving a only his scent on her pillows and note on the kitchen counter telling her he’d be back before she knew it.

Y/N tucked her legs up on the chair and absentmindedly played with the rim of her coffee cup. She knew she’d eventually have to do something about her relationship with Tom, but it wasn’t an easy subject to approach. She didn’t want Tom out of her life, she loved him way too much for that, but she wanted them to take it to the next level, but would he want the same?

So I'll wait for you, I'll pray

I will keep on waiting for your love

For you, I'll wait

I will keep on waiting for your love

She pulled out her phone and scrolled through her social media feeds, before gathering the courage to finally text Tom. She decided to keep it short, simple, and to the point: Call me when you can. I think we should discuss some things.

Y/N hit the send button quickly before changing her mind and flipped her phone over, so she wouldn’t see if he texted back.

Y/N sighed as she started at the spreadsheet on her computer. The workday was going by incredibly slowly, and her motivation level was at an all time low. She chewed the cap of her pen as she stared at the numbers, wishing they’d figure themselves out instead of making her work.

Her office was too quiet and empty today and it let her mind wander into territory she was trying to keep at bay. She looked at the clock on the wall and audibly groaned when she saw that it was still only 3 in the afternoon.

Y/N’s phone started buzzing suddenly and she sighed as she picked it up and saw Tom’s name flashing across the screen. She bit her lip for a moment before answering the call, “hello?”

“Hi darling, I just saw your message,” his warm voice sent shivers down her spine and she wished he was there with her, “is everything okay?”

“Thomas, I think we need to talk about us,” she said quietly trying to keep her voice even and steady, “I think we need to establish what we are, because I can’t keep doing this, whatever it is we’ve been doing. This going around and just having fun or whatever.”

She heard him sigh on the other end and her heart sank as she realized he might not want the same things as her. There was a pregnant pause before he finally said something, "I've been thinking about that a lot as well, pretty girl. We've always been close, and you know what we've been doing has been unfair to both of us."

"I just...Tom, my feelings for you have never been a secret," she mumbled quietly as she nervously fumbled around with things on her desk, "I think we should either decide we want to actually be together - in the traditional sense of the word, or we shouldn't be together at all anymore. I don't think it's fair for either of us to keep just tiptoeing around the subject."

"You're right, you're absolutely right," he agreed and she waited with bated breath for his answer, "Y/N, I am madly, deeply in love with you. And I'd like to makes things official, if you'll still have me?"

"I- wait, what?"

"I'd like for us to make things official and take the next step in our relationship," he chuckled as Y/N mentally slapped herself.

"I'd like that," she smiled to herself, "I'd like that a lot."

"I want it to be just us," he said quietly, "far away from all these people and the city."

"Thomas, you know that won't ever happen with our work," she sighed but she did enjoy the idea of just the two of them out somewhere in the quaint countryside.

"Maybe it can be," he insisted, "even if it's just for a little while."

"I do so adore your optimism, Thomas," she said wistfully, "I do like the sound of that too. For now, I'll be happy you when you come. I miss you already."

"I'll be home in a few days," he said with a hint of longing in his voice, "I'll come over over to you as soon as I'm back, okay?"

"I'll be counting down the hours," she said softly as she bit her lip at the thought of seeing him again.

"I'll give you a call later on, okay? I've got to head back to the set," he sounded like he didn't want to hang up just yet, but Y/N heard communication and shouts in the background.

"Okay," she agreed somewhat reluctantly, "til later than."

"Goodbye for now pretty girl," he said as ended the call and left Y/N sitting there with a big grin on her face. Slowly she set her phone back and spun around in her chair, happy that she and Tom had finally worked things out.

Did you mean it when you said I was pretty?

That you didn't wanna live in a city

Where the people are shitty?

Y/N almost dropped her book in the water when she heard the door to her apartment open. Her heart was racing a million miles an hour as she thought of all the possible scenarios. And here she was, sitting in the bathtub, naked and afraid.

"It's only me!" Tom's voice reached her ears, as she finally calmed down. She hadn't been expecting him this early, otherwise she definitely would have still been in the tub.

"I'm in the bath," she called back at him, as she threw her book onto the counter. She heard his footsteps come down on the hall as he pushed the slightly ajar door all the way open. She felt a blush rise in her cheeks, even though he had already seen her naked plenty of times, "hi."

"Hello darling," he beamed at her, his blue eyes twinkling as he sat on the edge of the tub, "I see my arrival comes as a surprise."

"I wasn't expecting you till later," she admitted sheepishly as he chuckled, "but I'm glad you're here."

He leaned down and kissed her gently, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, "I'm glad to be back too. I don't know why I never told you how I felt before. So much wasted time."

"It's not wasted time if we both enjoyed it," she laughed as she blew some bubbles at him, "will you stay?"

"Of course I'll stay. I'll stay forever," he promised quietly.

"Okay," she responded as she turned the tap back on to pour some more hot water into the cool tub, "join me?"

He nodded with a cheeky smile as he started to strip off his clothes before joining her.

I hope that you're happy with me in your life

I hope that you won't slip away in the night

Y/N stared at the pale moonlight that was filtering through the gaps in the curtains. She reached behind her and put her arm Tom, feeling his sleeping figure, a small smile growing on her face. He had actually stayed, just like he had promised.

She rolled over so she could face him; he looked calm and relaxed even in his slumber. She reached over and gently touched his face, almost as if to make sure he was really there. He looked so handsome, even when all he was doing was sleeping, his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm.

So tell me why my gods look like you

And tell me why it's wrong

He opened his eyes after a few moments, giving her a lazy, tired smile. She gave him a sheepish look, having meant to be discrete.

"Hello love," he said softly.

"Go back to sleep, I didn't mean to wake you," she apologized as he chuckled lightly.

"Come here," he pulled her close and draped one arm over waist, as he closed his eyes again and let sleep take over. Y/N buried her face in his shoulder as she inhaled his familiar scent.

"I love you," she said quietly as she closed her eyes, realizing that she too was extremely tired. Tired but happy. This was how things were always meant to be.

So I'll wait for you, I'll pray

I will keep on waiting for your love

For you, I'll wait

Permanent Taglist: @ruinerofcheese @courtneychicken @santa-crew @supernatural508 @ssweet-empowerment @buckybarnesappreciationsociety @wearegoldeninthenight @mannatgalhotra @prxttybirdz @piensa-bonito @mightyhemsworthy @shewalksinanotherworld @jems8241 @bookaddic @fairyxxfighter @asguardiansoftheavengers @esoltis280 @the-bright-lights @artisticlales