#WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT LADY WHO WAS BANGING THE CABLE GUY
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petcr3 · 11 months ago
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we're in the BASEMENT ALREADY???
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queenofbaws · 3 years ago
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Coming in REAL late with a new years request, so you can ignore this one if you want. But is there truly a better way to ring in the upcoming release of your soon to be blockbuster hit mouth of frost than with a new year's party where you 'invite' all your old 'friends' to celebrate with you?
They wouldn’t call it a joke, really, even if it was a little funny, and even if they did keep laughing to themselves as they wrote each note out by hand. It was more like…morbid curiosity.
Emphasis on morbid, of course.
None of them had quite forgotten the way the group had snapped to attention when the book came out, how years of silence and miles of distance had folded in on themselves until, for all intents and purposes, they were teenagers sniping back and forth between classes again. Bob had advised them (inasmuch as Bob Washington was capable of advising anyone) that when you struck it big, when your fifteen minutes finally hit, people came out of the woodwork to look for money or favors or sheer proximity to greatness, but that? The way they’d all reappeared overnight? Gone one second and – poof! – there the next? Well that had been something else, ladies and gents.
So. Morbid curiosity, sure. If the book had gotten that sort of reaction out of them, it was only logical to start wondering how they were feeling now that the movie was underway, the theatrical trailers already racking up hits in the millions wherever you looked. It was only logical to imagine they were pretty pissed. And, them being who they were, the next step in that logic chain was a desire to see just how far they could push that anger.
…well shit. Maybe it was kind of a joke, after all. One where morbid was still the operative term.
---
“This isn’t funny.” For all the things the years had changed, Emily’s sense of humor had apparently remained untouched. She was the picture of indignation as she sat on one side of the cable car, arms folded tightly across her chest and one leg crossed tightly over the other, everything about her wound tighttighttight. One wrong move and she was either going to come down on them all like a spring-loaded bear trap, rending flesh and tearing out chunks wherever she could, or…or…she was going to crumble to dust like a cookie left on the counter for too long.
Proving they were older now, more mature, most of them chose not to press the issue.
And, proving the truth behind the old adage ‘the more things change, the more they stay the same,’ Mike did. “Oh, is it not, Em? Is this not funny? Hang on, hold up, maybe I’m not the sharpest tool in the box anymore, but hey, could you maybe explain to me what part of us showing up here isn’t hilarious?”
“Guys,” Matt said just like that – one word, voice low, eyes lower. He’d been the one to take the longest deciding where to sit, and it was clear now he was regretting his choice. Next to Emily, next to Jess, their side of the cable car felt distinctly defensive.
All in the same place again, it was too easy for the old, forgotten things to rear their heads, amity and enmity both. There they were, the ones who’d merely survived that night all those years ago, their backs to the pane of glass showing the summit growing closer and closer…and there, across from them, watching Blackwood Pines come haltingly into view like they could intimidate it into nonexistence, were Mike and Sam. The capital-S Survivors. The ones who hadn’t run but had instead dug their heels in and killed before they could be killed.
“No, seriously, I want to know what’s not to laugh about here,” Mike pressed, tone friendly enough but posture changing to imitate Emily’s in a juvenile attempt to rile her further. He waited until he saw it had worked – and it had – to keep going. “A bunch of banged-up, emotionally stunted morons heading to a New Year’s Eve party that may or may not actually be happening in a ski lodge that burnt down seven years ago, hosted by the asshole who nearly got them all killed and said asshole’s shitty fanclub, and you can’t think of a thing to laugh about? Not one single thing, Em? Not one?” Sam set her hand on his arm and most of the fight went out of him. He sat back against the cable car’s bench, flexing his hand and massaging the space where he’d had knuckles, once. “Maybe you gotta loosen up a little, that’s all I’m saying.”
On Matt’s other side, Jess sat with her cheek pressed against cold metal. She murmured something too quietly to be heard, her hands hidden deep in the sleeves of her fur-lined jacket, her eyes distant and unfocused like she was staring through the cable car itself, watching the trees below them shrink to specks, then memories, then nothing at all.
“Hmm?”
“The monsters,” she repeated after a time, the golden afternoon light going dark as they reached the summit and slid into the station. “I said don’t forget about the monsters.”
“Ah, right, thanks Jess. And the mountain where said ski lodge burnt down seven years ago? Yeah, it’s sorta-kinda got one of those pesky cannibalistic, shark-toothed monster infestation problems.” There was a ker-chunk! that rattled the frame of the cable car as its door unlocked, and decorum be damned, Mike stood and pushed past the rest of them to be the first one out. “Ask me, the whole thing’s fucking hilarious. Who does that, right? Who just willingly walks into a trap? We should be laughing – you know they are.”
Already Emily was hot on his heels, stomping out of the car after him in a show that felt so eerily familiar to the rest of them that they had to sit for a moment longer, if only to shake off the chill of déjà vu. “It’s not funny, Michael,” she said again, giving his arm a shove most unbefitting someone of her standing (those days, anyway). “You think I want to be here? You think I didn’t have a million better, safer, parties I could’ve gone to, tonight?”
He turned, but that was mostly just to check Sam was coming – he barely met Emily’s eyes. “Uh huh. And yet here you are.”
“I’m here,” she snapped, “because apparently it’s the 1950’s again, and the only way to talk to these assholes is to be in the same room as them. They don’t answer their emails, they’ve all probably changed their phone numbers twenty times, and if I get one more passive-aggressively cheery message from their slimy PR guy spitting legal jargon at me, I’ll – ”
“You’ll…what, Em? Drink all their merlot and eat all their frilly little appetizers?” He held the door open as the others filed past, only then dropping his eyes to hers. “They wrote a book. Big whoop.”
“They wrote a book about me,” she corrected him, her mouth wrinkling into a frown when he quickly corrected her.
“A book about us. Yeah. Know what? They did. They wrote a book about us, and now they’re making a movie about us, and with the way the world’s been spinning lately, that probably means there’ll be a whole cinematic universe about us before too long. Know what else? It’s a free fucking country and the three of them are already richer than God, thanks to that shitstain’s dad, so you tell me what you’re gonna do about it.” Holding her gaze, he swept an arm out to guide her towards the others.
“Then why are you here?” Instead of leaving the station she stood there, resolute, folding her arms again. Her glove-leather creaked in the cold. “Sorry, but I find it hard to believe that you don’t have some macho motivation for showing up when you could’ve just stayed at home and gotten blasted on your couch watching ESPN highlights.”
“You know, I really missed you too.”
She ignored him. “So if you’re not here to grab them by the scruff and shake them around a little because of the movie thing, then what is it? You’ve piqued my curiosity.”
“I – ” he began, only for Sam to poke her head in, flashing them both a look that toed the line between impatience and sympathy. “I know, I know, we’re coming.” Mike gestured a second time, and when Emily still didn’t budge, he began edging his way out, the door slowly swinging shut with him until she had no choice but to grab hold of it herself. “I’m here to call their bluff,” he said simply, yanking the hood of his coat up as he stepped into the snowy clearing. He tried not to look around for too long, tried to pretend Jess wasn’t right there, tried to forget that once they’d just been a couple of kids having a snowball fight out in the middle of nowhere. If he started getting sentimental and wobbly-kneed now, there’d be no coming back from it.
“Calling their bluff,” Emily repeated, eyeing him with an almost nostalgic sort of suspicion. “On what?”
“On being here at all.” Once they were a group again, at least in the loosest sense of the word, Matt switching his weight from leg to leg as he inspected the path, Jess staring off into the distance with her fuzzy earmuffs dancing in the wind, Sam hovering between everyone like the world’s most agitated referee, Mike spread his arms wide. “You guys don’t get it, do you? There’s no party. There’s no lodge. We know that, okay? We know that. Three of us saw it burn to the fucking ground. This is just another prank, another way to twist the knife. They’re sitting back at home, laughing their asses off as they imagine how grey our faces turned when we got those stupid invites. ‘Hey friends and fans, you’re invited to the 9th annual Blackwood Winter Getaway’? For real? They think we crumpled those things up and trashed them the second we got them, and now our nights are going to be ruined. They think we’re at whatever-the-fuck other party we had, or work event, or date night, or whatever the hell, nursing champagne on a sick stomach and a tension headache because we’re thinking about this place again.”
“Mike,” Sam said, sounding an awful lot like Matt had back in the cable car. Low, slow, cautious.
“Well fuck them. Sun’s up, and I’m not scared of this place.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and kicked a rock out of the icy crust beneath his boots. “I’m calling their stupid fucking bluff. They’re not winning this game.”
They watched as he stomped off, and once he overtook him as leader of the pack (so to speak), Matt shook his head. “I really don’t think any of this is what I’d call a game, man…”
Then you don’t know Josh. Sam took a deep breath in, held the smell of clean air and pine needles in her chest until it made her eyes water, then squared her shoulders and followed after Mike. She’d almost said it aloud but managed to tamp it down in time, simply flashing the rest of them a tight smile as they set down the familiar trail. It kept playing over in her head, though, an earworm she couldn’t shake out: If this doesn’t sound like a game to you, then you don’t know him at all.
Then again, she’d never really been an expert on the subject, herself.
---
“…this isn’t funny.” Mike that time, the slouching of his shoulders the closest thing Emily was going to get to an apology. He stood staring at what waited for them at the end of the winding path, his face flushed from the cold but quickly losing color with each passing second the lodge didn’t dissipate into a mirage.
None of the others said anything, not for a while at least; without meaning to, those old lines in the sand resurfaced once more, Sam and Emily both moving to flank Mike as they took in the sight, leaving Jess and Matt off to the side. As afternoon gave way to evening and the sun began to dip below the trees, the light shifted and sent them hurtling back through time until all that was missing was the heat of the fire on their faces and the sound of Chris and Ashley catching their breath over by the picnic table.
Surprising none of them, it was Sam who took the first step over the invisible line, forcing herself out of the then and into the now. She held her head high as she went, hoping she could trick herself into confidence and very quickly realized she could not – not as the lodge came into focus and she found she couldn’t spot a single difference between it and the original. There were no shutters out of place, no windows set at subtly skewed angles. The shape, the silhouette, the paint, the bricks and wood and glass and gutters, everything was exactly as it had been before the fire.
For one horrendous moment, silent and shared, more than one of them felt doubt flicker behind their eyes.
There had been a fire…right?
“Bluff called, huh?” As she followed Sam, Emily didn’t deign to look at Mike. She did, however, slow her step to let Jess pass her by, feigning annoyance so no one could accuse her of pity.
They climbed the stairs slowly, some out of fear of ice (reasonable), others of traps hidden just below the snow (more reasonable still), more than one worried they’d step through them and tumble to the ground, lost in some sort of trauma-spawned hallucination (possibly the most reasonable of all); when they made it to the top, finding themselves facing the front door, it was dread that fogged the air between them.
This was all becoming too much. Whatever they’d expected when the invitations had arrived, this hadn’t been it.
It was Sam who knocked first, but it was Emily who knocked loudest, shouldering her way to the front of the group when the door didn’t immediately swing open.
“What did I tell you?” Mike asked from the back, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jacket—still woefully too thin for the mountain air, if the way he kept swaying side to side was anything to go by. “They’re not actually here. They’re back under whatever fucking rock they chose, laughing their asses off imagining us staring at this place and shaking in our boots. None of them ever had the guts to—”
That was, of course, the moment Ashley opened the door, letting a warm gust of air out onto the landing. “Oh my gosh,” she smiled, the words made almost reverent by how slowly she spoke them, letting a whole beat pass between each one. Her hair was longer than any of them remembered, laying over one shoulder in a lazy, uneven braid. A wine-colored duster draped over her shirt and jeans, and her fingers toyed with the cuffs of its sleeves, just a little too long for her.
The nostalgia wasn’t eerie anymore, it was dizzying.
“Three, four, fi…wow. Oh wow. Hi guys! C’mon in, holy cow, you must be freezing!” Even Emily was shocked into silence as Ashley stepped back and held the door open for them, waving a hand to usher them in. “Go ahead and put your boots anywhere, no way the mat’s big enough for everyone, so don’t even worry about it. Oh! And the coat closet…” She caught herself, laughing brightly, and rolled her eyes at herself. “Who am I kidding, you guys know where everything is. Can I get anyone something to drink? We’ve got, like, everything.”
“Gross oversimplification of the actual drink sitch.” Chris came walking out from the great room, then, the years clearly having done nothing to extinguish his appreciation for graphic t-shirts and layered hoodies. Those who knew what to look for noticed the way he favored his right leg—the ones who didn’t, well, didn’t. “We’ve got everything in a broad sense, maybe…”
“Here we go.”
“I-I-I mean, look, we’ve got all the main groups covered. We got your juices, your caffeinated beverages, your alcoholic beverages, your fake-milks…no water, though. Huh. Feels like an oversight, doesn’t it?”
“Shush.” Still beaming, Ashley flicked a hand towards Chris, glancing to the others. “Ignore him. Seriously. This’ll shock you, I’m sure, but someone still thinks he’s hilarious.”
“Ouch. In front of our company, Ash? In front of our guests? You wound me.” He laughed, grinning the same doofy grin he’d had as a teenager, and only after Ashley headed deeper into the lodge did he reach for Matt’s coat. “Here, man, let me.” If he noticed the way Emily visibly flinched away from him, he didn’t let on. He simply took Matt’s coat and hooked it onto a hanger, setting it with the others in the closet.
“Chris,” Sam started, because no one else was about to.
“Mhm?”
She waited until he met her gaze. “What is this?”
“Uhhh…a…looodge?” His eyebrows contorted like she was the one being weird and he couldn’t figure out her game. “Which is a kind of house, I guess? But more like a hotel, almost? It’s…okay, imagine that a house and a hotel had a baby. That. It’s that.”
“Ha ha ha,” Mike cut in, entirely sans mirth of any recognizable sort. “She meant what are we doing here? What are you doing here?” It wouldn’t have been right to say he rounded on Chris as he said it, not exactly, but it wasn’t too far off. In the old days, that would’ve been enough to shake him, to send him stepping back with hands up defensively. He tried not to let surprise color his face, then, when Chris didn’t budge.
If anything, he only scrunched his eyebrows again, saying without words that they were the ones making this strange. “Did you…not read the invite, dude? It’s a New Year’s Eve party. We’re here to, y’know,” he let the pause stretch for a moment longer than needed, “party like we’re fucking pornstars.” Without dropping Mike’s gaze, he swept an arm out, welcoming the gang past him, out towards the great room where Ashley had gone off to.
It was Matt who led the way that time, feeling less an intrepid hero and more a sick man leading the dying; the lodge hadn’t been where the worst had happened to him, after all, and when it had finally gone up in flame, he’d been none the wiser until a grim-faced police officer had (repeatedly) grilled him on his involvement. The sight of the place didn’t fill him with the same sort of queasiness it did most of the others—he didn’t like it, didn’t appreciate how it felt so much like stepping back in time, but his knees didn’t go weak like Emily’s, and his jaw didn’t go tight like Mike’s.
“It’s crazy, right?” Ashley grinned when she caught them staring, and though she must’ve known—she had to have—she acted as if their eyes had gone wide from wonder. Awe. “It took forever to get it just right. I mean…for. Ev. Er. A lot of the art and tapestries and stuff, ugh, don’t even get me started. We were just so lucky Josh’s mom kept the contact info from the artists she’d commissioned the first time. Oh, um, obviously you’ll notice there’s one glaring difference, but…” She stood below the spot where the awful tangled-metal sculpture had hung, once upon a time, her hands on her hips and her eyes narrowed with thought. “Too many bad memories attached to that one. We figured we could do without.”
“That’s what got you, huh?” Emily’s voice was edged, brittle, threatening to snap off in the first thing that wandered too close.
Ashley turned around, her smile never wavering, but before she could say whatever it was she’d meant to, she sucked in a breath and took a step forward. “Ooh, Jess! Hang on, I wouldn’t!”
As though she’d set off a firework beside her head, Jess all but jumped up from her crouch, pale-faced and breathing hard, her hands clenched to fists at her sides. The cat she’d been kneeling to pet hissed at the sudden movement, shooting across the room like a dusty grey bullet.
“Sorry, sorry! That’s, um…well, that’s Jack,” Ashley said in that same tour-guide voice, laughing apologetically and gesturing back towards Chris. “He’s a Maine Coon…a rescue…and…kiiind of a bastard. I didn’t mean to spook you, it’s just, um, he bites. Hard. Unless you’re Chris.”
“Mhm,” he agreed, picking the huge, mangy thing up from where it had wended itself between his legs. “Then he only bites sort of hard. It’s kind of our thing.” Briefly, he held the cat up for the others to see, and one of its ragged ears twitched, its one eye a bright, sickly yellow as it took them in. “Jerk kills spiders like it’s his job, though, so we keep him around.”
“No.” There wasn’t a living being in the room that didn’t turn to Emily at the sound of her voice. She advanced on Ashley like Mike had on Chris before, and was similarly surprised (but undaunted) when she didn’t immediately cower away like a skittish chipmunk. “I’m not doing this.”
“…not doing…what, exactly?”
“This. Any of it. I don’t know what you freaks think you’re up to here, inviting us to this place and then acting like everything’s totally fucking normal, like this—like any of this—” There she spread her arms wide, gesturing to the lodge at large, “could ever be normal, but I’m not doing it! The only reason I came here was to give you psychopaths a piece of my mind, and—”
“We gonna have to split you kids up?” From somewhere below them, a door shut. Footsteps, sure and solid, grew nearer and nearer until Josh came cresting the stairs from the lower floor, the picture of slow-burning delight. Continuing the pattern Chris and Ashley had started, he looked the same as ever, his jeans artfully ripped at the knees, the sleeves of his dark shirt rolled up to the crooks of his elbows. It was only the scars that gave the years away, the ones that pocked the left side of his face in the places where the rot had sunk in too deeply.
When he grinned, though, those scars became dimples.
“Oooh, and the crowd…goes…silent,” he snickered, wiping his hands off on his jeans before leaning against the railing, getting a good eyeful of the gang. “I’ve been told I have that effect on people. But please, please! Don’t let me interrupt. I know once you get on a tear, it’s hard, nigh impossible, to work you down from it, so, by all means.” He gave a low bow, waving his arms every which way as he deferred to Emily. “Keep going! Anyone who doesn’t want to listen is more than free, by the bye, to go check out the guest cabin.”
Jess and Mike bristled as one, but one more than the other.
She’d been so quiet until that point, so docile…however, at the mere mention of the guest cabin, Jess burst to life, turning on her heel and marching out of the great room the same way they’d all come. Matt and Sam were quick to dash after her, both offering hushed reassurances, but she just shook her head and kept on shaking it, saying nothing.
Josh’s eyes slid to Ashley, then to Chris, then to no one in particular. “Man, if you guys are feeling this jumpy, I’ll warn you right now, you should steer clear of the basement at all costs.” His head bobbled back and forth for a second like he was thinking about it, the corners of his lips quirking up into a smirk at once perfectly familiar and completely alien. “Probably didn’t need me to tell you that, huh? Didn’t think any of you guys would be, y’know, champin’ at the bit to get down there, but better safe than sorry. Got some pet projects down there you’re not gonna want to stumble across.”
“Pet projects?” Mike remarked, tone not cool so much as arctic. “That what you’re calling your little serial killer nest now?”
Josh’s grin didn’t falter. Not even slightly. “Animatronic prototypes,” he enunciated carefully.
“Think…Five Nights at Freddy’s but a little less friendly,” Chris snickered, the monstrous cat in his arms butting its head up against his chin, purring (growling?) almost loudly enough to be heard over the heating. “Five Nights at Blackwood Lodge. Now there’s an idea!”
“No,” Ashley said with a smile and a sigh that suggested a long-running joke none of them were privy to. “We’ve had the jumpscare discussion. We’re not doing it.”
“We’re doing some.”
“Slow-building dread. Not surprise, not disgust…slow. Building. Dread.”
Neither of them had been able to imagine a reality where they found themselves on the same side that night, and yet even so, Mike and Emily’s eyes met as the other three joked and acted as they always had—more interested in their own bullshit than anything else. The inner language the two of them might’ve shared once had long since fizzled away to ashes, but one didn’t have to be a mind reader to know what the other was thinking.
A door slammed somewhere, and when Sam reappeared in the great room, cold clung to her as if she’d been standing out on the stoop for some time. “Jess left,” she said to all of them, or maybe none of them, or maybe just herself. She rubbed her hands together to will some sort of warmth back into her fingers.
“Alone?!”
“No. Matt too. They’re headed for the cable car, they were trying to call the bus service—”
“The sun’s going down, and they’re going to—”
“They’ll be fine,” Josh cut in, walking his fingers across Ashley’s shoulders as he passed her by, plunking down on the end of the huge L-shaped sectional in the middle of the room. “Mountain’s empty. I mean, unless any of you are planning on eating someone and starting the whole mess up again.” He laced his fingers behind his head, pointedly dropped his smirk, and narrowed his eyes. “None of you…are planning on eating anyone while you’re up here, right? I know I’m not. So, like I said. They’ll be fine.”
“Aw man,” Chris said a moment later, glancing towards the dining room. “They didn’t take their goodie bags. Bummer.”
Before any of them could react to that, Ashley clapped her hands together once. “So! Drinks? Who wants what?”
---
Time didn’t take the fight out of Emily—confusion, however, dulled it to something vague and stinging. She didn’t touch the food that was offered to her, didn’t even consider sipping at the champagne they’d popped. That would’ve been giving in, would’ve been folding, and she hadn’t come all that way to brush this shit under the rug.
Mike and Sam, however, had taken a slightly different approach. He was doing his damnedest to eat them out of house and home, by the looks of it, and she was busy, as ever, playing peacemaker.
The only thing they seemed to have in common was how little they were willing to trust the others’ intentions. They sat stiffly on one end of the couch, muscles clenched and ready for the moment where they’d have to spring to action, dodge, duck, weave, escape, flee…
Except darkness fell and nothing nefarious happened. Unless you counted Chris’s attempts at playing the piano.
And then midnight came and nothing devious transpired. Nothing worse than Josh’s nonsensical toasts, anyway.
Then the witching hour approached and there hadn’t been so much as a single prank pulled. Ashley had said there was Sprite in the fridge and it had turned out to be 7Up, but even that had seemed to be an earnest mistake.
For all intents and purposes, it seemed like…it seemed like they hadn’t planned anything, that this was just supposed to be a New Year’s Eve party and nothing more. There was no laughing at their expense, no veiled looks or sidelong smirks when they thought they weren’t looking, no collapsing floorboards or rusty old saws or animatronic monsters leaping out of the basement shrieking as loud as they could. Just food and drink and recaps of the New Year’s specials playing on the tv.
“I don’t know how you guys are, uh…doing things these days,” Josh said with a flicker of his old mischief once he’d spotted the first yawns going around, “but you know where the rooms are. Take as many as you want, one, two, three, go crazy. I promise all the old faves are still there. The trophy bass room, the antler room, the Pepto-Bismol room, the one with the ugly drapes…”
“They’re all the one with the ugly drapes,” Sam said without thinking, then pressed her lips together in a hard line as she noticed the others’ grins.
“Which one has the fewest perv cameras hidden in the walls?” Emily folded her arms across her chest, then dropped them, then pushed herself up from the couch with a huff. She hadn’t expected an actual answer, not from them, so she didn’t wait for one, instead insisting, “I’m taking Hannah’s room.”
Josh blinked once slowly, turning his head to follow her as she headed for the stairs. “Which one? Upstairs, or…?” He let it trail off, the rest of his thought, but his eyes momentarily slid down towards the darkness leading to the lower floor. To the guest room where they’d played their own prank, once upon a time. “Oh, upstairs. Okay,” he said just as easily, shrugging as she started up. “Happy New Year!”
“Happy New Year!” Chris and Ashley chimed in, him lying flat on the sectional’s cushions with his head on Josh’s lap, her swinging her legs in the air as she sat on its arm. “Yeah, but no, seriously though,” Chris continued, propping himself up on his elbows to look towards Sam and Mike. “There something going on with you two? Cuz, I-I-I don’t wanna presume or anything, but I’ll tell ya, there’s a vibe going on here, and—”
A BANG! so loud it shook the foundation of the lodge itself rang out, causing Sam and Mike both to jump out of their skin. If it hadn’t been for the way the other three startled as well, they might’ve taken it as their cue to leave, little as either of them had any interest in venturing out into the snowy darkness. It took the echoes for the noise to make sense.
Ashley rolled her eyes, not without good humor, and sighed through her nose before standing. “I’ll go make sure she has everything she needs,” she said, smoothing her duster down her sides and following Emily up the stairs to Hannah’s room. It was actually something of a shock that she hadn’t cracked the doorframe, slamming it like that. She knocked, barely tapping her knuckle against the door, and it swung inward as though Emily had been waiting.
“What?”
Her eyebrows went up as she caught a glimpse of the room beyond, already well on its way to ruin despite how little time they’d been apart. “Do you…want some help?”
Emily didn’t bother answering, instead turning and going right back to what she’d been doing before, pulling paintings and pictures from the walls, pressing her nails to the mirror and shining her phone’s flashlight into all the dark corners. “No one buys it.” She kept her voice clipped. “That goody-goody crap? Didn’t buy it then, definitely don’t buy it now, so unless you’re here to point out exactly where you boobytrapped the bed, I’m gonna need you to get the fuck out of my space.”
“The…bed,” Ashley repeated, taking a casual step into the room like proving beyond doubt that she didn’t need permission. “I mean, I can help you strip it if you want? But it’s…just a bed. The mattress came discounted with a code from a podcast, so like, I can’t promise goose-down or anything, but still.”
It wasn’t the words that did it—her tone was more than enough. Emily whirled on her, the light of her phone doing what her glare couldn’t and sending Ashley stumbling back a step. “You have some nerve, do you get that? You have some fucking nerve. You take all that awful, horrible, ugly shit that happened to us, you fold it up into a cute little story, you move in with the maniac who nearly got us all killed in the first place, and you have the audacity to make me out to be the bitch! Me! Like I deserved to be—”
Whether Ashley held her hands up to block the light from her eyes or to get Emily to stop talking was anyone’s guess. “Wait, I’m…I’m sorry, you’re tearing the room apart because I…put a mean character in my book?”
“Don’t you act like—”
“Emily…” She rubbed at her eyes then, turning her head away from the flashlight. “Look, sorry if you didn’t like the book or whatever, but—”
“Didn’t like the book,” she repeated. “Didn’t. Like. The. Book. You know what, Ashley? No, no I did not like the book. I did not like the book that you wrote about us almost dying. I did not like how you wrote said fucking book without any of our permission. And, while we’re on the subject, no, I did not like how you wrote me out to be some sort of monstrous bitch when you’re the one who was begging Mike to shoot me in the head!”
There was color in Ashley’s cheeks and on the tips of her ears, but it was a far cry from the shaking, cowering mess she’d expected. Too much time with Josh, she had to figure; not that Chris seemed to be any better.
As she watched, Ashley took a deep breath in and let it out through pursed lips. “Okay,” she said, sounding not at all as cowed as Emily would’ve liked, “well I’m sorry you weren’t a fan. And I’m sorry you didn’t like the character you seem to think I based on you.”
She couldn’t even get words out that time—the statement was so inane, so insulting, so close to the legalese loopholes their shitty PR manager Conrad was constantly feeding to her, that all she could do was bark out an indignant laugh.
“But if we’re dredging stuff up, let me ask you something: Do you remember grabbing me by my shirt, down there in cinema? Do you remember throwing me to those things? Pushing me in front of them? Shoving me back while I was trying to run away?” She took another few steps into the room until they were standing nearly nose-to-nose, and as she blinked into Emily’s eyes, there was nothing in her expression, hateful or otherwise. “I remember it. I think you probably do, too. I also think, in the grand scheme of things, making you a bitch in my book was the nicest way to make us even for that. Other ideas were bounced around.”
Emily grit her jaw to the point of discomfort.
Ashley, though…she turned the corners of her mouth up. “There are extra sheets in the linen closet,” she smiled. “Sleep tight.”
---
When they woke up the next morning, she was already gone. There was no question it’d been of her own volition, not with all the furniture overturned as it was, her coat and boots leaving noticeable gaps in the closet and mat. It’d been a miracle she’d lasted that long anyway, they figured. The fact she hadn’t stormed off with Matt and Jess the night before was nothing short of a wonder.
They sat at the kitchen island in the relative silence of the place, trying their best to pretend they didn’t remember the last time they’d done it. It wasn’t hard to do—they knew where Hannah and Beth were, this morning. They knew where everyone else was, too.
“And then there were two.” Josh yawned widely, doing nothing to cover it up. He stepped around their stools to flip the coffeepot on, then rolled his neck until something popped. “Now, how did I know it would be you two, who’d stick around?”
“You didn’t,” Chris cut in, dropping himself into an empty stool at the island and removing his glasses, rubbing a smudge away with the sleeve of the shirt he’d slept in. “You said it’d just be Sam.”
He flapped a hand like he was making a sock puppet talk. “Details.” He stepped out of the kitchen again, grabbing onto the doorjamb and leaning far as he could towards the dining room. “For the love of…Cochise, you are not gonna believe this shit…”
“She did not.”
“She did!”
“Ash is gonna pee her pants, she’s gonna laugh so hard…”
“Ash? Forget Ash, I’m about to need a new pair myself. She took her goodie bag before stomping off, holy shit…can’t leave without that swag, now can we?”
Neither Mike nor Sam said a word to any of that, both of them just sitting, just listening, just blearily blinking the sleep out of their eyes. It wasn’t until Josh came back, slouching comfortably in the stool next to Chris’s with both elbows on the table, that Sam found her voice.
“What was the point, guys?” she asked, setting her chin on her hand. It wasn’t a new question, far from it in fact, but she’d been the only one to ask it in a level tone of voice, so it stood to reason she was the only one who got an actual answer.
“Of what? Inviting you guys here for a kickass New Year’s Eve bash?” Chris chuckled, sliding his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. “C’mooon…maybe we just wanted to party like it’s 1999. Er, 2014. Wait, uh, shit, whoops, I meant 2015. Hang on, I’ll get this, I meant—”
Josh nudged him with his shoulder, the two of them snickering in the same way they always had. “What was the point, huh Sammy? What…was…the…point.” He smiled at her, then at Mike, and it wasn’t a cruel one, or a jeering one, or even one they felt was meant to be mocking. It was just a smile, nothing more, nothing less. And somehow that was worse. “I’ll level with you guys, brave heroes that you are and all. Honestly, we just wanted to see if you’d show up.”
Mike’s mouth tightened. He swallowed hard. “Called your bluff, huh?”
“That you did, dreamboat. That you did.” When the coffeepot dinged, Josh pushed himself up again, grunting with effort. He started getting mugs down from the cupboard, then started laughing anew. “Funny how some shit never changes, isn’t it?”
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itstittycitybaby · 5 years ago
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Flirty (Lin Beifong x reader) Part 5
a/n: brooooo. liinnnnnn. pulllll uuppppppp brooooo. kiss?? kiss for monty?? right here?? please?? also this took like. two fucking hours to write lmao. i just want that to be known.
Warnings: This is VERY angsty and sad. Proceed with caution.
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You waved Opal off with the others as the airship left. It was sad having to see her go. You knew she’d do great training with the other airbenders. She was so sweet and clever. Opal seemed excited to join the other benders at the air temple. Even though you felt happy for her it didn’t stop the ping of jealousy in your heart. Maybe if you had finally become a bender your mother and father would’ve been proud of you. Maybe they would finally love you.
You glanced to your side. Lin stood next to you with her arms were crossed and and a frown on her face. She looked annoyed and tired. You snickered. “What are you laughing at?” You shook your head, grinning. “Nothing. Couldn’t help but realize how grumpy you are. Sad to see her go?” Lin scoffed. It seems like you were right. 
The sky was pink and purple as the sun set. The metal shields whirred to life, slowly covering the pretty sky. You watched them sadly as they closed in on one another. The sky was so beautiful at night. If only you could see it.
*****
The metal roof was cool underneath you. Azure was curled up in the collar of your turtle neck sleeping. Ruby pecked at the bird seed in your hands gently. The lights in Zaofu glowed softly, illuminating the streets. It was really a beautiful city.
Lin was more distant lately. She didn’t seem to pay any attention to you or care about the others. You knew that it’d happen eventually, but it still hurt. It made  the stone in your stomach roll more. It sunk heavily underneath the surface and jabbed at your heart. The anxiety of being abandoned still jostled and tore at your soul. It never seemed to go away. At this point you figured it never would.
 Thirty years was a long time. So much had happened in thirty years. A lot of loss and heartbreak had tore you down, leaving you on the ground defenseless. Even though life seemed to always strike you down you stilled waited. Waiting for a miracle to happen as you laid there reflecting. Now, it seemed like it was your chance. It didn’t matter how long it could take. You’d always wait for Lin.
She still held a fondness for you. Her eyes softened for a second once she saw you and she wasn’t as snarky. It was a start. As much as you wanted to kiss her face and hold her close, Lin needed time. She was impatient but you weren’t. The waiting game was something you were incredibly talented at. Thirty years of waiting you thought was the test. Now, it seemed like it was more of a test than ever. You glanced up at the covered sky. The stars had always comforted you before, it was a shame they were hidden now.
Ruby stilled in your hand, peering into the distance. “What is it Ruby,” you asked, jutting your head forward. Your eyes narrowed and your brows tugged together. Azure pecked you in the neck for waking him up. “Sorry drama queen, but you gotta go home!” Immediately, Azure flew out of your collar. You watched him go until he was out of sight. “Ruby, go fetch Lin! Bring her to me.” She sqwaked and flapped her wings. Grabbing your grappling hook, you aimed it at a crevice in the building in front of you. The button was smooth once you pressed it with the pad of your thumb. It shot out immediately making a soft swoosh sound. It clinked softly against the beam you aimed it at and swung you forward. Rotating your hips, you glided into the air. You wiggled slightly for better control and momentum. Your boots met the roof and your grappling hook quietly zipped back in place. Once you got to your destination,  you rolled onto the pavement with a soft thud. In the distance you could see them. Four people were creeping at a window. Korra.
****
“What,” Lin groaned, tugging her pillow over her head. Ruby shrieked and pecked at her fingers. She tried swatting at the bird but to no avail, Ruby wouldn’t let go. “Ow! Little shit. When I find them they’re gonna-”
Boom! Lin bolted up from her bed, flinging open her door she saw Mako and Bolin tumbling onto the pavement. Bang, Bang. Lin snapped her head. Speak of the devil.
There were two weapons clutched in your hands tightly. They were shooting out some weird metal pellets. You grunted as you swiftly dodged some sort of water arm. “Lin,” you shouted, “They’ve got Korra!” Lin broke into a sprint, guarding Mako and Bolin as they came back to their senses. Her scanned the area quickly and followed where you aimed. Four people stood in the middle of the court yard. There was a woman flailing her arms at anyone who dared to come closer, along with a lady that was creating explosions with her mind.
 Lin rose her fists and the metal around Korra’s attackers surrounded them. Your pellets hit the metal as soon as they came up. You cursed, taking cover behind a fallen pillar and loaded your pistols again. Suyin and her sons ran to you raising the rest of the metal around the attackers. All four of them were trapped.
“We have you surrounded it’s over!” Ruby landed on your shoulder as you trained your eyes on the target. “Good girl Rubes,” you whispered, stroking her softly. Suddenly, a rumbling noise shook the ground under you. Lava lazily slid out from the metal panes. “Lava bender,” you shouted, “Everyone, hop back!” You jumped back a few feet from the quickly pooling lava. The metal fell with a creak from the lava. It surrounded them, pushing you all fifteen feet away from Korra.
“No way. That guy’s lava bending! That’s awesome!..ly not good for us,” Bolin murmured. You stifled a laugh. Lin glared at you with her fists clenched. You shrugged in reply before getting back to the fight.
****
An explosion was sent your way for what felt like the twentieth time. You barely dodged it; the wind of it grazed your side. Ruby fluttered about, dodging their attacks swiftly. She couldn’t decide if she wanted to be by your side or fly from the danger. You couldn’t blame her; you wished you were back on the metal roof and not having your joints aching like hell. Ducking, you behind a metal pane as soon as another explosion swept by. Your boots skidded onto the pavement. Ruby flew to your side immediately. “You’re doing great girl,” you comforted her. 
Lin, Mako, Bolin, and Asami joined you behind the metal cover. “What should we do,” Bolin cried as he and Mako started hurling fire and rocks at the attackers’ way. Asami crouched in nothing but her nightgown. “Hey Asami?” “Yea?” You handed her one of your daggers. “Just in case,” you said, sending her a smile. She looked thankful as she gripped it.
“Look,” Lin shouted, pointing to the airbending guy. “They’ve been split up now!” A guard somehow had managed to get him away from the group. In the distance you could see Korra laying on the rock with lava around it. Mako hurled another fire ball at the explosion lady but the water bender blocked it with her arms. The chick focused on the four of you, a lazer starting to form from her forehead.
The explosion collided with another metal plane. Asami snapped her head behind her. Suyin and her sons blocked the lazer just in time. They caught up with the five of you and all eight of you huddled for protection. Your body blocked anything coming Asami’s way as you stood on the defense side of fighting.
 “How did they get in here,” Lin yelled over the explosions. “I don’t know, but they won’t get away,” Suyin exclaimed. 
“There’s no way to cross,” Asami muttered, as she watched the guards being flung from the metal bridge they had built to the four criminals. Suyin eyes narrowed as she observed the scene in front of her. Her green eyes lit up as an idea striked through her head. “We don’t need to. Lin and I can get up there and use our cables.” “Good idea,” Lin replied, following her gaze to where her sister looked. “How are we going to get past her?” You followed Lin’s eyes. “Don’t worry. Bolin and I will have your back.” Her brows furrowed. “How?” “I don’t know,” you answered honestly, “But you have to trust me.”
Lin furrowed her brows. She didn’t say anything but eventually agreed. “Alright, I trust you.” You smiled. “Take Ruby with you.” “Why?” “I don’t want her getting hurt. Besides, she’ll be the first to warn you in the air.” Lin looked at you with disbelief but stretched her arm out to the red bird anyway. “Take care of her Rubes,” you whispered, as Lin and Suyin disappeared into the air.
You raised your pistols. “Bolin! I need you to hit the third eye lady!” Bolin yelled, “I can’t get a good shot!” “Keep trying,” you yelled, firing more pellets.
****
Bolin’s rock hit her square in the head. She stumbled, and her face pulled in anger. Taking this as your shot, you fired a pellet in her damn forehead. Lightening shot out once it made contact. “Holy,” Bolin and Mako murmured at the same time. The lightening traveled through her body and it reached her face. A scream ripped out of her chest. The water armed lady snapped her head towards her. Lin’s eyes widened in shock as the explosion chick toppled over. “Lin!” Suyin’s voice snapped her out of her surprised state. Taking this as her chance, Lin grabbed Korra, swinging her over her shoulder. Korra groaned but laid limp. Ruby’s screeching pierced through Lin’s ears. Lin swung her hips to the right and the water bender’s arm reached out to were she was seconds ago. “Clever bird,” Lin muttered, eyes wide as she slowly raised up into the hidden panel.
The air bender scooped up the unconscious third eye lady. The lava bender and the water bender sent a death glared towards you. “We failed! Move out,” he commanded. Twirling his staff with one hand, he swept  air above the four of them. It became darker and darker from the smoke and flames. The four of you coughed from choking on smoke. When the air bubble slowly dissipated, they were gone.
****
Korra laid on one of the green couches in Su’s study. She was awake but her voice was hoarse. Lin and Suyin hovered over her as Aiwei treated Korra. Bolin, Mako, and Asami sat on the couch across from them. Asami had given you your dagger back once you all met up in Suyin’s study. Ruby stood on your shoulder with you by the door. She wasn’t hurt thankfully, but she was very skittish. “You’ll be getting all the almonds you want tomorrow,” you told her, stroking her feathers. She tweeted softly, beak nuzzling your hand softly.
“You assured me this was the safest place in the world,” Lin said harshly as Korra drank the bottle Aiwei gave her. “It is,” Suyin argued defensively, “don’t blame me! It was well planned, how could I have known?!” Your face tugged in thought as you listened to their arguing. The metal shields that came up prevented from anything entering or leaving. There was no way they could’ve got in..unless...
“You have a traitor in your city Suyin,” you said softly. “That’s how they got in.” Aiwei got up and cast Suyin an apologetic look. “They’re right. It seems the four of them had some inside knowledge in Zafou.”
“We searched throughout the entire estate. There’s no sign of them.” A guard stood in the doorway of Suyin’s study. “Well keep looking,” Lin snapped. They nodded and left.
“The- The guards. It had to be one of them.” You all snapped to Korra. She rubbed her head with the heel of her palm as she sat up. She sounded so weak. “I agree,” Aiwei said. “Question them all!” Suyin sounded so angry. You cast a glance towards Lin. Her brows had sunk in anger and her green eyes twinkled dangerously. Everyone looked nervous and afraid. “This has been one hell of a night,” you mumbled to yourself. “I could use a drink.”
****
“We’re getting no where,” Lin growled, as Aiwei dismissed the guard. “Things like this take time Lin,” you reassured her softly. “We’ll find them.” Lin grumbled and crossed her arms. Bolin looked at her surprised. Usually she’d snap and berate anyone who dared to talk back at her. Now that he thought of it, Lin never seemed to snap at you. He tilted his head at you questioningly. You waved him off, eyes turning back to watch the interrogations.
“You should be doing this,” Lin huffed, turning to you. “It’s your area of field after all.” You hummed, “You’re not wrong.” Suyin interjected, “Aiwei is a trusted member of my council. He’s family. Are you saying he can’t be trusted?” 
“It’s better to investigate everyone,” you said. “Never know who it could be.” “Exactly,” Lin gritted out narrowing her eyes at Suyin. Su scoffed at her. “Are you insinuating it could’ve been me.” “Someone higher up could’ve done it.” Suyin rolled her eyes. “Fine. Aiwei question me. I’ve got nothing to hide.” He nodded, “If you wish.”
****
Suyin rose from her chair. “She is telling the truth,” Aiwei confirmed, turning to Lin. She groaned. She couldn’t believe this. Zaofu was supposed to be the safest city in the world. Who let these criminals infiltrate the city? Aiwei’s eyes turned to you. They narrowed suspiciously. “Oh my god,” you huffed, crossing your arms. “You’re not even considering me are you?” “Sit.” You sighed, moving around Korra to the chair across from Aiwei.
“There’s no way they could’ve done it,” Bolin interjected. “They were the first ones there! If they were on their side they would’ve been with the others!” “It’s fine Bolin,” you reassured him. At least someone had your back. “It’s just an investigation.” He shrunk but you could see his green eyes still filled with worry.
****
“They’re lying.” “What?” You laughed in disbelief. “I didn’t do it!” “(Y/N).” Your eyes snapped to Lin’s. Surely, she had to believe you. Oh how wrong you were. Lin’s eyes were cold as she stared into your soul. Her fists clenched by her sides and her aura felt betrayed. The blood in your veins ran cold. The air in the room felt suffocating and your heart tore into two. She didn’t believe him did she? “I suggest we search their place.”
They all got up and left for your chambers. Except for Lin. “Lin-” “Don’t. Say. Anything.” Her hard voice made you flinch. Lin shook her head in disbelief. Her back was turned to you, trembling. Lin swallowed thickly before muttering, “None of this was real.” Her voice shoke with every word she spoke. Lin shook her head one last time before leaving.
****
“This is a mistake!” The sound of the guards harshly pulling your drawers out and threw your clothes out rang in your ears. This can’t be real, this can’t be happening. “Hey!” A couple of guards shuffled through the plans on your desk aggressively. Ruby and Azure screeched in their cages. “Be careful with that,” you shouted as a guard picked up a project you had been working on for Suyin. You watched them helplessy destroy your chambers. All you could do was stand there and watch all of your hard work be destroyed. They went as far as flinging off the sheets from your bed along with the comfy pillows. 
“Found it!” Mako called, holding up a slip of paper from your desk. Suyin and Lin’s head perked up. Korra and Bolin stiffened behind them. Aiwei’s hand reached out for the slip of paper. Mako handed it to him sending a glare your way. Your jaw clenched tightly, but you didn’t say anything. Aiwei’s eyes widened and he lifted his head to you. “Team assembled. Ready to Rendezvous.” “And look at this,” Asami piped up from the bookshelf. She handed Aiwei a green book with fancy gold carvings on it. The silence in the room as he read through the pages made your heart sink even lower. The whole world was against you.“It’s the guards logs,” he muttered darkly as he flipped through it. “It’s filled with routes and their schedules.” 
“No,” you whispered. “It wasn’t me!” “Guards, seize them.” “Hey,” you shouted, as the guards swept towards you. Their hands tightened on your arms and they hauled you up. You swung your legs trying to get out of their grasp. “Wait a minute,” Bolin shouted, “Let them talk.” “We have enough evidence.” Lin. You snapped your eyes up to hers as the guards hauled you at. Her eyes were cold and unforgiving. She felt betrayed. She trusted you. They all trusted you. You were finally in her grasp and she latched on too quickly. She allowed the avatar to be vulnerable, because she trusted someone who wanted nothing to do with her years ago. This is why we can only trust ourselves, a voice told her, this is why we’re alone. “Take them to the interrogation room.” The doors swung closed muffling your shouts of protest. Lin felt her heart shatter again. No one said a word as they eventually shuffled out one by one. “Lin-” “I don’t want to hear it Suyin,” she muttered to her sister. “Just leave me alone.” Suyin’s eyes fell but she didn’t say anything. She gave a slight nod and left. The doors closed softly behind her. All Lin could hear was the soft twittering of your parakeets and the clock ticking on the wall. A cry left her throat. The tears flowed freely now and she raised her hand to her mouth, clamping it shut. Lin felt like she was going to vomit. She stood in the destroyed room alone. Paper was scattered and torn on the floor.
Lin clenched her jaw tightly. It begun to ache from her teeth grinding so hard. Another cry left Lin’s throat. She was a damn fool.
****
The cuffs on the table were cutting into your wrists. They were heavy and cold. The circulation in your blood was being cut off. Your ass felt numb from the stiff metal chair you were trapped in. The cold, sturdy metal dug into you. How long had it been?  Minutes? Hours? There wasn’t a way to tell. Tears welled in your eyes. Lin looked so disgusted with you. She wouldn’t listen to you. It was perfect, too perfect. Everyone was now against you in a matter of minutes. How was the evidence there? Someone must of snuck into your room and planted it there. But when? 
Aiwei. You chuckled; there was no joy or humor in it. “That bastard,” you snarled, nails digging into your skin. You ignored the pain that flared up in your palms.
Creak. The metal door opened slowly.You perked your head up at the it. You felt the lump in your throat tighten at the sight of her. Lin stood in front of you with no emotion on her face. Her green eyes were dull and her posture was upright once she sat down. There wasn’t an ounce of softness in her eyes anymore. The light had been replaced by hate. “I swear to you didn’t do it,” you whispered weakly, head hanging low. “I would never put you or Korra in danger.” “Liar.” You snapped up to her. Lin swallowed thickly as she peered into your soul. Her eyes were hallow. You’d rather have her look at you with anger then seeing her eyes filled with nothing.
 “I wouldn’t hurt you Lin. What could I gain by forming an attack on you and the avatar? You know I care about you.” Lin’s jaw clenched and her eyes narrowed into angry slits. “You think your words are going to make me care? I thought you were better than that. Now, I don’t know what to believe anymore. ” Her tone was cold. The walls around her were back up again. She looked at you with disgust. But more importantly, she looked at you with hurt in her eyes. 
“The evidence. Explain that.” “It’s not mine..Aiwei...” you whispered. The tears in your eyes fell freely. Your lips pulled back into a grimace and you whimpered. The darkness in the room swallowed you. “Are you claiming that he had something to do with it? How childish, now you’re putting the blame on someone else. Grow up.” Her words made you flinch. No longer was it Lin sitting in front of you. It was your mother.
 “Please... you have to believe me I-” “(Y/n).” You looked up at her. “Who were those people?” “I don’t know,” you replied, voice slightly raising. Lin arched a brow. Your stress levels were high. It was dark, it was too dark and you felt like the room was choking closing in on you. The woman you loved now looked at you with hatred in your eyes. Your breathing became shallow and you choked on the stale air in this shitty interrogation room.
“Breathe,” Lin commanded, “Get your fucking shit together!” Her hands slammed down on the table. It echoed throughout the cold and dark interrogation room. You swallowed your breath and choked an exhale out. Tears poured out of your eyes. Your heart in your chest was being sliced up and bruised from Lin’s harsh words. Spirits, why was everything spinning so fast.
I didn’t want it to come to this,” you whimpered. “I never wanted this to happen.” She swallowed thickly. “I hope you’re proud of yourself. Do I even matter to you?” You sniffled, “Of..Of course Lin. H-how could you say that? I told you I’d do anything for you!” Her nostrils flared. “Then why are you lying to me?” “I’m not,” you cried. “I’m not, I do love you Lin.” Lin’s eyes widened. Her eyes started to water and her throat tightened. She refused to cry in front of you. She had been weak before, she wouldn’t be weak now. “No, you never meant a single word that you said to me. You’re a damn liar.” Your lip quivered and you let out a whimper. Everything was falling apart.
She looked so disgusted with you. Your presence was a reminder of how frail she really was. Lin would never be the strong and tough woman she had always aspired to be. You saw the cracks in her facade and manipulated her for your own gain. Everyone’s life was on the line because of her. Korra almost got kidnapped because she had been so careless. Lin was ashamed at herself for believing your lies and making her feel happy again.
“You know what? I was wrong. You never really meant anything to me. You’re broken, you’re beyond fixing, you’re not something I want to take the time to handle.” You bit your quivering lip. You choked on the cry that wanted to cry its way out of your throat from swallowing it. The two of you stared at each other for what felt like an eternity.
She slowly rose up from her chair. The clinking of her metal armor was the only sound in the room. Her hand hovered over the door handle. “Lin.” She stiffened. Your voice sounded so heartbroken and sad. Her hand balled up into fists as she turned back to look at you. It hurt more having to see the tears and fear in your eyes. “Don’t give up one me.. I can’t loose you too.” Lin laughed. You flinched; the pain in her laugh echoed in the small dark room. “This is all your fault. It always comes back to this with you doesn’t it? Save your tears.”
“Why can’t we talk about this? Why can’t we just-” “Does it ever occur to you that I’m done talking? That I am done reflecting my words and actions? Can’t you just take a fucking hint that I’m done with you? I don’t want anything to do with you anymore.” You didn’t say anything. The tears made your vision blurry. The stunned silence gave the cue to Lin that it was time to leave. “Hope you’re proud, I’m done here.”
The sound of the door slamming shut was the thing that broke your resolve. The dam you had tried so hard to close had its walls torn open. Sobs left your trembling body. You cried so hard your throat begun to ache and your face became sluggish. Aiwei’s actions had been your undoing. Now, you were the one paying the price.
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histrionic-dragon · 5 years ago
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Leverage: The Girls’ Night Out/Boys’ Night Out Jobs
Random “read more” cut after a few lines because it gets long.
The Girls’ Night Out Job
Aw, I thought they’d bring Peggy along.  --Ah! Maybe she’ll get involved after all.
Sophie’s outfit is great.
Parker is being a good friend, but awkwardly.
Tara and Sophie working together is-- <3 Perfection
Stolen/fake diplomatic ID: “Great for parking tickets.” I’m really enjoying the grifter banter.
She’s climbing the elevator cable in stilettos!?
Parker’s pride is on the line!  (I forget which specific moment inspired this.)
“The Parker?” :D Parker’s famous! Well, of course she would be, among thieves.
The three of them planning and power-walking down this hallway--! Yesss.
Peggy is involved! With a frying pan! Aw yes.
2 minutes. C’mon, ladies of Leverage, save the day!  --Yes! Evacuation!
(Hardison answers Sophie’s call while climbing a fence to get away from dogs) And weren’t they at a bar labeled “Mexican gang headquarters” earlier? ....What did poker night turn into??
Throw it out the window! And drink! I really do like Tara and Sophie’s approach to all this.
“I just play by a different set of rules”  Yay Parker!
“Same is boring” Awwww Parker. :)
Aaaand Tara winds up with the hot thief guy! Nice touch.
The Boys’ Night Out Job
Aha, it’s the same night! So we will find out why they were in a gang HQ and climbing fences and stuff.
“And don’t say Maggie”-- I love this. They’re such a family by now and it’s great.
“Do not let him go off and sulk”--I love how Eliot is Deputy Nate Wrangler when Sophie’s out. Honestly, I love the dynamic between Eliot and Sophie. Sometimes it’s like she’s a much-older sister; sometimes it’s play-flirty (e.g. Rashoman Job flashbacks); sometimes, like this, it’s “you are the eldest child, keep the house from burning down while I’m out.” But it’s not quite any of those things. It’s just fun.
“Terrorism and peanut allergies don’t mix.”  PFFFFT.  Shelly is....intense, but goofy. I can see how he and Eliot are friends.
How’s Harley? (Hurley?) Oh! That guy! Rehab dude! The one who didn’t really understand why what he did was wrong.  And this time he doesn’t even know--!
The argument about whether the church basement counts as holy ground is almost Monty Python-esque.
“This is the guy who helped me get clean and sober, which is kinda weird, since he’s kinda messed up himself”: Or, Nate Experiences the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known.
Nate is getting hugged way more than he’s OK with.
How did Eliot do that with the umbrella?!
“Sister Lupe!” (heartbroken) “....Sister Lupe.....”
Shelly and Bonnano roughhousing. Good to see everyone’s friends get along.  Also, there is so much orange soda in that fridge, and you can see those words crossing Shelly’s mind.
Everyone is enjoying this, aren’t they? The actors, I mean. Irish mob boss guy seems to like this role.
“That’s your pep talk?” LOL “It’s a little rough.” Heh. And Eliot can’t do much more than that, because then “I’d be thinking about you and Parker, which I never do!”  ...Huh. There’s some extra stress there, not just the exasperation/ anger I’d expect from “Nate’s missing and you’re worrying about relationship stuff!?” It’s more the “I don’t want to talk about this” kind of stress from when he’s talking about Moreau in the park in The Big Bang Job. Not as intense, but similar, that sense of holding something in. Would I notice it if I weren’t primed to look for OT3? Maybe not, but...I’m noticing now, anyway.
“Assertive”--heh. Oh dear . . . Eliot is now like c’mon, man.
Of course Nate would end up pretending to be a priest. In a way, I’m surprised it took this long.
Meanwhile, Eliot beats people up without ruining Hardison’s assertiveness. Eliot is sweet.  (Note: got to go back and see if the bar was full of choked-out guys in the other episode and I just missed it somehow. Like Hardison apparently does.) --So, there’s no way the gang leader was that focused on Mr. Assertive that he missed Eliot taking out everyone else in the room behind him. Eliot’s look at him as they’re leaving is somewhere between “thanks for not saying anything” and “you better not say anything,” and it is great.
Sidenote: I am pretty sure that Hardison actually did not notice, but if he did, I’m pretty sure it’s having the same effect as Parker’s “remember that thing you did with your pretend friends? With the lights and I’m pretty sure there was magic? That was really cool”: It didn’t work, but the fact that Eliot thought it would work, works.
Church escape! How did Nate get to a car that fast?
....It’d be a helluva plot twist if she is a nun.
Eliot’s quest to bolster Hardison’s confidence continues. Assuming Hardison really has a tell, Eliot lost rock-paper-scissors on purpose. And at the line “dogs out back,” he realizes he miscalculated.  --Still, he has to keep up the awkward distraction flirting! Which also isn’t going quite as planned: “ Do you want to touch my gun?” The awkwardness is briefly real (he didn’t expect that, and also Eliot doesn’t like guns).
Bonnano! And Shelly! Who is eating pizza. They clearly gave up on their weird friends ever returning with food lol.
....So wait, what happened to the cancer drugs? It looks like they arranged for the two gangs to be caught with those too, instead of giving them back to Sister Lupe. Hm.
Eliot winds up with “Sister Lupe”--of course. And Peggy ends up with Harley, who has a cat! Cute.
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cameronspecial · 6 years ago
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King of CSCC (Ch.1)
Pairing: Rich Kid! Tom Holland x Reader
Summary: When Y/N gets a scholarship to attend Collegialiter Schola Currere Cucurri, a prestigious boarding school in England. She’s very studious and organizes, everything needs to be a certain way for her to be happy. Tom is the resident fuckboy at school and,  with his daddy being the richest man on earth, he practically owns the school. What happens when Tom falls completely in love with Y/N, but she doesn’t want to be with him because of his reputation.
Words:  2 415
Prologue
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The next morning, Y/N woke up in the unfamiliar room that will be her home for the rest of the school year. She gets out of bed and slowly makes her way into her private bathroom to get ready for the day. When she is finally ready for the day, she makes her way out the door only to run into Delilah waiting for her at the door. “Good morning, neighbour! How’d you sleep last night?” Delilah questions the sleep ridden girl. Y/N rubs her eyes and groans, “I am still so tired. I wish I could have gotten an earlier flight, but since I was a tad late with buying the tickets this is those are the cheapest tickets I could find. Jet-lag is going to fucking kill me tomorrow during classes.” Delilah lets out a laugh and pulls her towards the front entrance of the dormitories. “You’ll be fine. Come on, the boys are saving us a spot at the table and we want to get there before all the good tea is gone,” Delilah lectures the sleepy girl. Y/N grumbles and follows the too cheerful girl to the Dining Hall.
Tom and Harrison joke around while they wait for the girls to come. “No, but last time I checked you didn’t bang Katie…” Tommy cut himself off when he saw Delilah and Y/N walk into the room. The poor girl looks so tired that all he wanted to do is wrap her up in a blanket and cuddle her. He wanted to watch as her chest moved up and down while she slept. The mere thought of that made his insides feel mushy and warm. It surprised him that he didn’t have one sexual thought about the girl, okay maybe he had a few, but he wanted it to be more about intimacy and lovemaking rather than it just being sex just like he always wants with other girls. Harrison notices his friend’s stare and waves his hand in front of Tom’s face, “Hello, anybody home?” Tom quickly snaps out of his daydream and quickly gets up. “Harrison and I will go get you ladies breakfast. How do eggs benedict with earl grey tea sound?��� Tom asks the girls, but he doesn’t really wait for a response as he tugs Harrison with him towards the line of students waiting for their breakfast. However the boys don’t line up with everyone else, they cut to the front and start getting the little groups breakfast for them. “You know you are totally whipped for her and you barely know her,” Harrison teases as he places some plates onto the trays. Tom shakes his head, but keeps his smile to himself at the thought of her, “No, I’m not. I just want to be her friend. If she’s going to be hanging out with Delilah all the time then she’ll be hanging out with us, so I might as well be friends with her.” Harrison shakes his head in disagreement as he poured some tea for the four of them. “Whatever, just don’t break her heart because Delilah and I really do like her and it would be really hard choosing between you two. I also want you to know that you have never gotten your own breakfast and just the fact that you are getting her breakfast tells me that she is different,” Harrison tells him truthfully because he really wanted his best friend to be happy.
At the same time, Delilah tries to convince Y/N that Tom likes Y/N. “Tom totally likes you, you know?” Delilah informs her new best friend. Y/N shakes her head in annoyance, “No, he doesn’t. He’s just a massive flirt.” Delilah, however, is very adamant about the fact that Tom really likes Y/N. “It’s true, Y/N/N. Tom has never offered to get anyone anything ever, so the fact that he is getting you breakfast-” before Delilah could finish what she is saying, Tom and Harrison come back to the table with everyone’s breakfast. Tom places a tray in front of Y/N while Harrison gives Delilah her tray. “So what are you girls talking about?” Tom asks as he wonders why Y/N looks flustered. Y/N looks down at her plate and starts eating, “We aren’t talking about anything important. How did you guys sleep?” Tom is a little disappointed that Y//N didn’t really answer his question, but he answers her question none the less, “I slept well thank you very much. How about you?” The rest of breakfast went a lot like the night before when everyone was helping Y/N unpack. After breakfast, Tom, Harrison, and Delilah wanted to head to the gymnasium.
“So we should you the gym yesterday briefly, but now you can have a better look at it,” Delilah says as she gets out what the British would call a football. She places it on the floor and the three of them start kicking the balls around. “Do you play, Y/N?” Tom inquires as he gently passes the ball to her. Y/N kicks the ball to Harrison but fails and ends up kicking it in the opposite direction. “I am not that great at sports. I like to exercise, but my hand-eye coordination is pretty bad and I pretty clumsy so it’s not the best combination for playing sports. I like playing soccer though, just not for competition. The three of you are on the soccer team, right?” Y/N explains as she watches the ball go back in forth between the four of them. Harrison lets out a chuckle, “We call it football here in England. I don’t exactly know what soccer is, but yeah we are on the football teams. Tom and I are on the male team, and Delilah is on the female team.” “Why don’t we play a little game? I’ll get the nets,” Delilah suggests while heading to the storage closet to get the nets. “I call having Delilah on my team,” Tom calls out. Harrison chuckles as he walks over to Y/N, “That’s fine. Y/N and I can kick your asses either way.” Harrison picks up the ball and places it in the middle of the gym. The game starts and Harrison passes the ball over to Y/N who runs towards the goal with it. She tries to dodge Delilah, but Delilah is too fast for Y/N and takes the ball from her. Delilah passes the ball to Tom who dashes towards the net with it. Y/N runs after Tom and tries to kick the ball away from Tom, but she fails to do so and ends up slipping. She falls straight onto her butt. Tom immediately stops in his tracks and runs over to her with a worried look on his face. “Omg, Y/N are you okay? I am so sorry. Here let me help you up,” Tom says as he holds his hand up for her to take. Y/N takes his hand and pulls herself up, “Thank you. I am fine. My bum is just going to be a little so. Although, I have to advise you that you shouldn’t leave the ball attend because then just anyone can take it.” Y/N runs over to the ball as fast as she can and heads over towards the net. She is laughing the whole way there and once she gets in front of the net, she kicks the ball directly into it. Y/N screams in excitement and runs to give her a hug. “Good job, Y/N,” Harrison praises. The score was tied and they were getting ready to finish the game. Tom has the ball and is running towards the net. Y/N runs after her and tries to steal the ball from him, but she ends up tackling him by accident. Y/N falls on top of Tom so that they are both looking at each other. Tom looks into Y/N’s Y/E/C eyes and sees just how her eyes sparkle when she laughs. A little bit of her hair covers her eyes so Tom lifts his hand to move it away from her eyes. “You’re crushing me just a little bit,” Y/N notifies Tom whilst giggling. Tom chuckles and gets to his feet, “Sorry. I say we call it a tie and head to get some celebratory ice creams in town.”
Everyone heads to take a quick shower and get change, then they all head into Tom’s Mercedes Benz. Harrison and Delilah purposefully sit in the back seat of the car, so that Y/N would have to sit in the front seat with Tom. “Hey, can I plug my phone in for music, please?” Y/N queries with her phone in her hand. Tom nods his head and hands her the cable while keeping his eyes on the road. Y/N plugs in her phone and puts on one of her playlists.  Perfect by Ed Sheeran starts playing and Y/N starts singing along to the music. Tom unconsciously starts tapping his fingers on the steering wheel and starts to sing along with Y/N, “I whispered underneath my breath, but you heard it. Darling, you look perfect tonight.” Y/N looks over at Tom with a surprised look on her face then smiles. She couldn’t help, but admire the way that the sun reflects off of Tom’s brown hair and how it makes his eyes smile. His voice isn’t bad like she thought it might be, but it is actually quite soothing. Tom notices Y/N’s stare and looks over, “What’s up?” “Nothing, just surprised that you have a nice singing voice,” Y/N tells him. What she doesn’t know is that at the same time, Tom was noticing the same things about her. He notices just how much he loves the way the sun reflects off of her hair. He can see just how her eyes sparkle when she hears a song she loves and it’s driving him crazy. He would do anything in the world to be able to always have her sit in the front seat with him. The rest of the car ride was with the whole car singing along to Y/N’s playlist.
Once they arrive at Scoops, the ice cream parlour in town, Y/N and Tom decide to go get the ice cream while Delilah and Harrison save them a table outside since it is still warm enough outside. “What are you getting?” Tom asks Y/N, who was looking at the menu. Scoops is known to have a notoriously big menu. Currently, they have fifty-eight different flavours that you can choose from and Y/N has no idea what to get. “I don’t know, but you can go ahead and order. I’ll just go after you,” Y/N states with an adorable thinking face being shown on her face. “No, it’s fine. I am going to pay for all of them. Maybe, I could surprise you with a flavour if you can’t choose. I think a know a flavour that you might like,” Tom purposes as a solution to Y/N’s dilemma. Y/N agrees to Tom’s idea, “Yeah, that sounds great. Could you maybe get it in a cup, please?  Thank you.” Tom says that Y/N can head back to the table with everyone else whilst he orders. When Tom is finished ordering, he heads back to the table with everyone else. The friends talk about random things whilst waiting for the ice cream to come. A few minutes pass and the waiter brings the ice cream with glasses of water for everyone. “I got Delilah her favourite, strawberries and fava beans. Harrison, I got you the apple lavender. I got the chocolate sage and Y/N I got you salted caramel pretzel,” Tom reveals to the group. Everyone took their perspective ice creams and dives into them. Tom watches as Y/N takes a bite of her ice cream to see what she thinks of it. “So what do you think?” Tom seeks her opinion on the ice cream. Y/N’s sighs with satisfaction when the ice cream touches her tongue, “This is so good! This was a good choice, Tommy! Thank you!”
They eat their ice cream with pleasant conversation until Y/N notices three kids the same age as them walking past the store with a ‘we are better than you’ look on their face. “Hey, do you know who they were?” she queries as she finishes her ice cream. Harrison looks to see who she’s looking at before responding, “That was Penelope Williams and her minions, Julia and Carter Bellsworth.” Delilah rolls her eyes at the mention of the trio and scoops some more ice cream into her mouth. “Ugh, let’s not talk about those idiots. I hate them so much,” she groans. Y/N frowns with confusion because she can’t recall reading any of their names in her research of the school. “Why? What��s wrong with them?” Y/N interrogates. At that Tom chimes into the conversation, “What isn’t wrong with them? Carter is madly in love with Delilah, but he’s skull is so thick that you can break concrete with it. All he does is follow his twin sister around and Julia, she can’t think for herself. She’s always doing whatever Penelope is doing and she’s always trying to get Harrison to go on a date with her. And don’t even get me started on Penelope. We used to sleep with each other. It was supposed to be no strings attached, but then she went around telling everyone that we were dating so I broke it off. Ever since then she’s been trying to get me to date her. She’s also a spoiled brat that does whatever to get what she wants, so that’s also what’s wrong with her.” Y/N won’t lie and say that she didn’t feel a little pang in her heart when she heard that Tom had slept with Penelope, but what can she do? “Ahhh, they sound delightful. They seem like the Plastics of CSCC,” Y/N observes. Tom chortles, “Yeah, like the plastics in Mean Girls. I love that movie” Y/N gives him a surprised look because he really doesn’t look like the type of guy to watch a chick flick. Tom notices, “What? Delilah made us watch it when we were younger and I am not going to deny that I love the movie just because it’s a chick flick.” “I am not judging. I just really like the movie too,” Y/N retorts with a smile on her face. The friends spent the rest of the afternoon at the ice cream parlour.
Taglist:  @bookgirlunicorn  @itsjstz  @rachaeldonnaspiteri1 @madithemagicalfangirl  @glcssyholland  @marisophie @truestrengths@mjsholland @iwastornsincethestart @saltysebastianstan @loxbbg@linnyalou @scoobieboobiedoo @anaussiesblog @jillanaholland @madon566  @tiny-friggin-human @parkeret @outwrspacez @watson-emma @jessybellsworld @thatdamjoke
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groggycascade · 6 years ago
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Breaker Campus - Frosh Week, Pt. II
All credit to Sean D. 
Kelly, Sarah and Beth walked over to the next station. There was little doubt in their mind about what "Handball" would entail. They giggled. "Can I ask you girls something?" Said Sarah.
"Sure" they replied. "Do you get wet when you rack a guy?" Beth replied without hesitation. "Oh absolutely." Kelly had been too caught up with all the different feelings coursing through her body to really think about it. But there was no doubt she felt a heavenly feeling of elation. "Yeah, I suppose it does turn me on," she said, as much to herself as to the others. The girls approached the next station, which was inside the campus clinic. This one was managed by Dr. Carla, a medical doctor who taught courses at the campus and ran its clinic. "Cool," said Beth, looking around at all the technology. For her part, Sarah noticed that all the boys were completely naked. And they were connected to monitors. The girls sized up all of their packages. Having been turned on from the last station, Sarah wanted to simultaneously ride them hard while also smashing their balls into smithereens. "That one's mine,"'said Kelly, who was thinking something else. She wanted the biggest pair of juicy nuts to torment. "Ladies," she said, ignoring the boys present as Professor Smith had done at the last station. "Welcome to my lab. You are going to assist me in furthering my research. I would not expect any of you to be familiar with my work because until recently taking my position at this college, my work was classified. Suffice to say that I helped our country get the information it needs to keep itself safe from the bad guys - and she stressed the word GUYS. I am a leading expert on the testicles, having conducted hundreds of... experiments. And last, and certainly not unrelated to the other two, I am an expert in the study of pain. She smiled and the girls all giggled along. "So cool," said Beth. "I want her job." Doctor Carla slipped on a white latex glove. Well it was sort of a latex glove but looked different. She explained. "You see that there are these ovals on the finger tips. These are a group of tiny sensors" - each oval was made up of many small dots that were each a small sensor. "When I press my fingers together like this" she pressed them, "this monitor here records the amount of pressure being exerted." She looked over to the boys, who were standing with their hands handcuffed behind their backs. They had straps around their chests holding them to the wall. They each had some cables connected to them and monitors beside each of them. "This is to monitor their pulse, blood pressure, and rate of breathing." She grabbed a camera sitting on a swivel arm and brought it down to the level of one of the boy's testicles. "Aah" he said as he flinched in fear. "Haha, calm down young man, I haven't even touched you - yet." There was now an additional image on the monitor. As plain as day, two orbs. The camera was working like an ultrasound or CT scanner. The girls were all mesmerized to actually be seeing his testicles inside the sac. Doctor Carla slapped on another glove and rubbed her hands together. "Now, a short demonstration." She put her thumb and forefinger from each hand on his dangling gonads. "Now, we start out with some light pressure." "Boy, tell me what you feel." "Uh, err," the boy stuttered. What should he say? She literally had him by the balls. "This is important for my research boy, you should tell me what it feels like." "Well, it is uncomfortable. There's this dull ache in my abdomen." "Do you feel any pain directly on your testicles?" "No." "Ladies, that dull ache is being caused by nerve strands running from his testicles into his abdomen. With a strong enough force applied to their testicles, this is why you may have seen some boys throw up." "Eeeeehhhh!!!!" A high pitched scream pierced the room. The pressure number on the monitor was now red. Doctor Carla was pressing down - HARD. "What about now?" She asked the boy. Her voice as calm and soothing as before. Her face betrayed no emotion. It's as if they were talking about the weather. The boy's eyes were shut tight. He banged his head forward and back. "Gaaahhh!!!" "WORDS boy. Put it into words. If you don't, well, I can always squeeze harder." "No,no,no," the boy managed to say hastily. "Gerrrr...aaaahhh...." he opened and then shut his eyes and was intensely trying to concentrate, desperately trying to prevent any more pain. "Lightning, electricity... gaaahh.... shooting from my balls." "Shooting where?" "My stomach... aaaahhh..." his voice raised an octave. "And my head... I, I can't see straight." "Ooofff" the boy shot out a burst of air as Dr. Carla released his balls from her death grip. He was silent and motionless. No one in the room moved. His face was frozen. His eyes wide with terror and pain as his body absorbed the pain. His face was turning redder the longer he went without air. Finally, there was a loud gasp as he loudly inhaled. "Now ladies, was anyone looking at the monitors?" Beth's hand shot up. She nodded to Beth. "Well, I noticed that his balls started to change shape. It was really cool!" The girls all laughed and Doctor Carla smiled. "Indeed, it is very cool. Well ladies, take your boy and we'll get started." Kelly went straight for the big-balled boy she had spotted earlier. "Hello," she said with an evil grin as she approached him. He looked down meekly. All ladies got into their positions. "Alright, you'll receive a range of instructions, and please follow along. The machines are recording everything and this live test will add to my database." "Instructions will be passed through to the monitor. I find it better when they cannot have any anticipation of what is coming." Kelly's monitor flashed - "Squeeze the left testicle hard for 10 seconds and then release. Commence in 5s...4s..." Kelly readied to move both hands to his left nut. The gloves were fairly thin and she could feel well through them. She could feel the warmth of his large ball, and could even feel his heart beat through his nut with the rhythm of the machine. "START" Kelly quickly switched her grip and brought both thumbs and forefingers to bear on his left nut. She squeezed hard. Her fingers and thumbs digging down into his hefty nutmeat. His hazel eyes seemed to turn a shade greener as his eyes opened wide. He made no sound. It was as if the breath had just been knocked out of him and he couldn't breath. His mouth opened as if to breath, but he couldn't. His face was getting redder by the second. For her part, Beth didn't even notice her boy, who was screaming at the top of his lungs as she brutally compressed his left nut between her thumbs and forefingers. Her concentration was on the monitor. She could see his nut becoming longer and thinner with each passing second. It was so fascinating. Dr. Carla was taking note of the heart rate of Sarah's boy, whose heart monitor was squeeling as his heart raced. She observed the boy and took some more notes. He was gritting his teeth and moaning loud. An alarm beeped signalling the girls to stop. Kelly reluctantly pulled her fingers from deep inside his nut. After she let go, Beth watched the monitor with fascination. His orb, which had become more elongated, slowly regained a more circular shape. Although she could see it becoming a darker shade on the monitor. Looking at his sac, she could also see it was becoming purple. "What's happening?" She asked. Dr. Carla approached. "The trauma just inflicted is causing minor blood pooling and you should start to see swelling..." Sure enough, his ball was growing in size on the monitor. "Cool!" Beth said again. "I love science experiments." Dr. Carla chuckled. The already big ball of Kelly's boy was also getting even bigger, to her satisfaction. "The intent of this first test was to go from a resting point to extreme pressure quickly. I will be fascinated to review their vital signs later and see how quickly their bodies reacted to the introduction of immediate and severe pain. "Now please look to your screens for some follow up questions." The first were for the girls to answer. The questions pertained to the boys' reactions, their facial expressions, noises, etc. They reviewed standard responses in a drop down list and could choose one that fit or they could add in their own response if they wanted. "Let's see, did your voice go up one octave or two?" Sarah asked her boy and giggled. "You have a beautiful singing voice when your nuts are in a vice. "What is it they used to do to get good male singers? Cut off their nuts? You should think about it, you could really go places." He looked at her with an expression of fear and horror, as if she were about to pull out a knife from behind her. "Ahaha ha," she laughed. "You're cute when your scared." She looked him up and down. He was tall, dark hair and brown eyes. And with a nicely sculpted body. Her heart began to beat a bit faster. She brought her mouth close to his ear and whispered, "Don't worry. WHEN I castrate you, it won't be with a knife. I am more partial to stilettos." She pulled her face back and they locked eyes. She winked. Next the girls asked questions to the boys to try to understand the level and type of pain they had experienced. Again, there were options to choose from on the drop down menu. They also had to rate the degree of pain. They all rated it a 10 on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the most painful. That made Kelly happy. "Well let's see what's next my boy. You never know, you may surprise yourself and feel even more pain next time." The next message popped up on their screens. The next test was a slow and steady increase of pressure. They should roll the balls around in their fingers as they do it. They should do green pressure for 30 seconds, then yellow for two minutes. The girls would ask them questions as they went and their answers would be recorded. They began. The green eyes of Kelly's boy were staring ahead with great concentration. He was trying to steel himself for the next round of torture. Kelly liked the grip that the gloves gave her. Like latex gloves, they stopped any slippage and allowed for a firmer grip. She painfully massaged his big balls, with his left one having swollen to now be even larger. Even at green pressure, he was wincing as she squeezed and rolled around his swollen ball. Beth watch the small dents that her rolling created in the balls' outer layer of her boy. "Do you feel anything?" She asked. "My balls are more sensitive now," he replied. "So it hurts a bit." Beth was a bit disappointed. Sarah loved rolling her boy's nuts around in her fingers. She eyed him seductively. What would she do next, he thought? Beyond hope, he wondered if maybe the next test would be a blow job. He imagined her mouth running up and down his cock. He started to get hard. "Naughty boy," Sarah laughed and stroked him a couple of times, encouraging him to get bigger. His body shuddered as she tightened her grip to yellow pressure. The pleasant massaging he felt before was now incredibly uncomfortable. He started breathing hard, trying to catch his breath between muscle spasms as his body tightened each time she would shift finger position and press down on a new area of his balls. His hard cock started to soften. "If you had to compare this pain to a throbbing headache, would this be worse or better?" Kelly asked her boy. "This is worse!" He shrieked. That made her feel all warm inside. "Does it feel like someone is sitting on your stomach?" She asked the next question. "It feels like someone is twisting my balls!" He shrieked again. She gave a good twist in response to his attitude. "It feels like someone has their hand IN my stomach and is playing paddy cake with my intestines!" He replied. Beth could see that with the pressure she was giving now, the outer layer of his balls were compressing in a significant amount. And they were getting darker as more blood pooled. She wondered if she were permanently damaging his balls. And that made her wet. For his part, he went from screaming and was now crying uncontrollably. Now came the final test. "You bitch," Kelly murmured under her breath in a light hearted way as she saw the next set of instructions. "What a tease." The instructions were that the girls should try to flatten the boys' balls to the breaking point - without breaking them. The school couldn't have all of their boys nutted in the first week. It would defeat the purpose behind the school. START Kelly nearly had to cover her ears as the screams erupted around her. She squeezed hard into his swollen nuts. His nutmeat shot outward as she pressed down on the centre of his big balls. Then she decided to switch grips, holding them around the sides, cupping them, and then squeezing her hands into fists. "Mmaaahhh!!!" He screamed so loud. "No, no - STOP!" He yelled. She loved the feeling of his nutmeat being compressed into an ever smaller space. She could see them getting smaller on the monitor. The pressure he must have felt was enormous. Beth had tried a different approach. She placed his nuts on her left palm and then placed her right palm on top and then pushed down hard. Her boy kept opening his mouth, as if to say something or maybe to catch his breath, she couldn't tell. He just kept trying but he couldn't breath or speak. She was so excited to see his nuts flatten out like pancakes on the monitor. They were nearly black on the monitor now. "Like juicy plums about to burst!" She said with excitement. Sarah squeezed her boy's balls between her thumbs and fingers. The gloves gave her such a firm grip. Balls that would normally slip one way or the other stayed perfectly in place under her latex grip. It was such a satisfying feeling to have his balls right where she wanted them. Her thumbs and fingers could nearly meet now. She pressed her body against his and could feel his writhing muscles, his pain racked body convulsing. "This makes me so hot," she whispered. She soaked in their close bodily connection. Her pleasure and his pain. She moved her mouth to his other ear. "I'm going to pop your balls now." Then she moved her face back and locked their eyes. Sheer terror was all over his face.    "Please, please, pleeeeaaassee! No!" Sarah felt so close. Any second and his balls would explode. A cold voice spoke from behind. "Don't you dare young lady. You rupture his balls and you won't be so much as tapping a nutsack for weeks." It was Dr. Carla. Sarah weighed her options for a moment and then slowly loosened her grip. But only a little. "Next time. I don't have my stilettos here." She winked at him. The timer sounded. The experiment was over. For the time being...
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atomicwedgienerd · 7 years ago
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From Naughty to Nice
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Dirk pulled his motorcycle up to the Nine Knives biker bar and took a long drag on his cigarette. He got some angry glances from neighbors. Nobody in the neighborhood liked the biker bar but that wasn't Dirk's problem; it was theirs. He adjusted his leather jacket and entered the dingy bar. The only other person in there was Shawn, another hellraiser, who Dirk considered almost his equal in how tough he was. In the corner, someone had set up a Christmas tree. It looked completely out of place in the dirty biker bar. Underneath the tree were two immaculately wrapped presents.
"Yo Shawn," Dirk yelled. "Did you get us a fucking christmas tree?" Shawn glanced at the well decorated but out of place tree.
“Nah bro, got no idea where it came from.”
Dirk grabbed a beer and popped the cap off it using the edge of the pool table. He took a long slug and walked over to the Christmas tree. The presents underneath were clearly labeled "Shawn" and "Dirk" in elegant calligraphy.
"Yo dude, these gifts are for us. Get over here!"
Shawn walked over, a skeptical look on his face, as he drew a long swig from his longneck. But as he approached, and saw his name in that elegant gilded script, his look changed to one of incredulity.
“No freaking way,” Shawn said as he peered down at the gifts. “Hmmm, it doesn’t say who they’re from.”
"They’re from Santa, ya pussy," Dirk said with a laugh. He grabbed the present marked "Shawn" and shoved it in his friend's arms. "We might as well open them." Dirk grabbed his and shredded the wrapping paper carefully. Inside, was a small wooden box. He opened the lid and was sprayed in the face with red and green glitter.
"Dude, what the fuck?" he said, a little confused by how nasal it came out. Shawn had opened his gift with equal quickness and was hacking up a mouthful of the same green and red glitter.
“What the hell is this?” Shawn asked
"This is preposterous!" Dirk said, again confused by the nasal tone to his voice and the word choice. Inside the box was a letter. "You have been very naughty this year and Santa is displeased. These presents will ensure you remain on the "nice" list... forever!" Dirk glanced at the letter again to make sure he hadn't hallucinated when suddenly everything went out of focus. "I can't see!"
"Golly gee,” Shawn said, his voice rising an octave before stuttering out “Wh-wh-what do you think that means?" Shawn thought that maybe they’d been drugged, though It didn't feel like anything trip Shawn had ever experienced before.
Dirk instinctively reached for his sunglasses but when he grabbed them, they felt much heavier and looked... different. He threw them on and found the entire bar came into crisp view. Unfortunately, so did his reflection. He gasped when he saw himself. The lenses in his sunglasses had gotten much thicker and turned clear. He looked like a total four eyes with them on. "Golly gizmo what a headscratcher!" he said in his new goofy voice despite wanting to curse. With his new, crystal clear vision, he glanced at his friend, shocked by how he was changing.
Feeling a sense of vertigo, the room began to spin around Shawn, coming in an out of focus. His whole body felt weird as though it were being squeezed, his muscles ached and seemed to contract, growing weaker with each spasm. His skin crawled as though a thousand ants were walking across his body. He tried to see what was happening, but much to his chagrin everything close up seemed a blur. Then suddenly the room comes back into focus, and he felt a weight on his face. Reaching up, he felt the obstruction, and discover it to be extremely thick rimmed eyeglasses with huge lenses that magnified Shawn’s eyes.
Shawn was worried when the tingling reached his arms. He looked down shocked to see his muscles rapidly disappearing, replaced with a thin layer of flab, years of hard work stripped away. His once hirsute arms quickly thinned out, making his lack of muscle tone even more apparent. "Oh golly” he said, putting his hands over his mouth, only to make another discovery, His facial hair was gone, leaving nothing but baby smooth skin.
Dirk was shocked by his friend's lack of a beard until he rubbed his hands through his and it came out in thick clumps. He gasped, and then gasped again, and it quickly turned into a wheeze. He looked down at this pack of smokes and found they had changed into a bulky plastic cartridge. He picked it up and realized that they had become an asthma inhaler. But Dirk had never had asthma. He had always been a natural athlete. A tough guy. A real bully. He had won so many fights but then his memories of the fights began to change. Suddenly, Dirk remembered himself being on the receiving end of all this bullying. Getting punched, wedgied, knocked over, swirlied. He remembered being a timid child who grew up into an even more timid adult. He started to get faint, and pressed the asthma inhaler to his lips. The medicinal blast tasted familiar, like he'd done this thousands of times. He glanced at his hand as he took a puff and gasped again. All of his tattoos were gone. From his entire body! He took two more puffs from the inhaler as he felt himself starting to panic.
Looking at his friend Shawn was shocked by the changes he saw, but in the back of his mind new memories began to emerge, ones of a different life, a different person. Again the world seemed to swirl around him as he felt his mind being rewritten. At the same his body was being subjected to further changes. The squeezing feeling returned, but this time it was focused on his torso and legs. His abs melted away to be replaced with pudge. While his legs muscles disappeared and began to shorten. Dropping him from an impressive 6'3" to a smaller 5'5" As he shrunk the room seemed to grow more imposing. His confidence and bravado was slipping away to be replaced with timidity and shyness. No longer was he a star baseball player. Instead new memories surface of playing the clarinet and being captain of the robotics and computer club. No longer had he studied kinesiology, but instead mechanical engineering. Feeling another round of changes, Shawn watched as his nice tan faded to be replaced by pasty white. Followed by a sea of freckles that soon dotted his arms and face. "No, ple...please stop this." he pipes
Dirk’s confidence continued to drain away as he puffed on the inhaler and his hair became full of grease. His memories of Shaun started to change too. No longer had the two met smoking pot under the bleachers at school; oh no. The two of them had met at the inaugural computer building club meeting at school. Only the two of them had shown up and they became fast friends. Sure, the jocks at the school beat them up regularly but at least they had each other. As the new memories filled Dirk’s head, his leather jacket turned a bright yellow plaid and turned into an ill-fitting suit jacket. At the same time his jeans turned into khakis and rose and rose and rose up his torso until they were almost to his armpits. He didn’t think it was that weird; after all, his friend Shawn dressed the same way. 
As Shawn’s head became hazier and hazier, he too needed to take a puff from an inhaler that he pulled out of his pocket. The two friends wheezed loudly as their new reality took over. Memories of all the ladies that Shawn had banged and left in the cold disappeared as they were replaced with nights alone, or playing Magic the Gathering with Dirk, his only friend. The thought of even having sex made Shawn nervous and he took a few extra puffs from his inhaler. In fact, he kind of thought his friend Dirk was cute, even as pimples broke out all over his face. He was of course too shy to ever say anything about it. 
Dirk had a brief flash of his old life as a tough biker guy and started to panic. He ran to the window of the bar and glanced out the window, certain the sight of his Harley would change everything back but when he glanced out, he saw something different. Shawn’s motorcycle had been replaced with a beat up Volvo station wagon and, worse, Dirk’s had become a Walmart-bought Huffy bicycle that still had training wheels. That’s right, he had always had balance issues, he remembered. He turned to Shawn but tripped and immediately fell on his nose, which swelled to twice the size. Dirk glanced in the mirror at his thick glasses, dorky outfit, big nose, pimply skin, and greasy hair and found it impossible to remember any other life. He glanced at Shawn who was just as dorky and things felt wrong. His friend wasn’t named Shawn, no, his name was Sherman. Sherman Shrimpledink. And he wasn’t Dirk. He was Dilbert Dinglesquirt. 
Shawn, or was it Sherman, felt the room spin once more and suddenly all the pool tables, the bar stools, the neon lights, the beer, the road signs--everything that made it clear this was a biker bar--disappeared and were replaced with computers and computer parts, work tables, magnifying glasses, soldering irons, and cables as far as the eye could see. No longer was this the Nine Knives biker bar that the neighborhood loathed. It had become the Neato ‘n’ Nifty Computer Donation Center where Dilbert and Sherman worked long nights to fix computers and donate them to families in need. Everyone still made fun of them non-stop but the two dweebs worked tirelessly to make the community like them. They were still the laughing-stocks of the neighborhood, but at least people thought they were nice. 
“Golly jeepers,” Dilbert said to Sherman, “It’s almost 9pm. We should get back to our parents’ basements and get to bed.”
“You’re absolutely correct, my one and only pal,” Sherman said with a snort. “We don’t want Santa to pass us over, HYUK!”
The two dorks turned to leave, both tripping and falling over the feet and letting out a braying guffaw. On their way out, they glanced at the awards hanging on the wall from the local news station. Every year, they were put on the station’s “Nice List” for their contributions to the community. 
“Gadzooks,” Sherman said as they locked up, “I sure do love being so nice and well behaved.”
“Jiminy Christmas,” Dilbert said with a wink behind his extremely thick glasses, “Me too.”
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the-fiction-witch · 8 years ago
Text
The Deputy and The Inventor
TV SHOW: GODLESS COUPLE: WHITEY WINN  X READER (INVENTOR) RATING: SMUTTY AF
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WHITEY’S POV:
I wondered though La Belle as many Ladies wondered the streets most of them not paying any attention to me till I suddenly heard a few little screams and a huge clatter and I saw y/n with another contraption trying to go down the streets so I ran to her making her stop “what the Hell is that!” I ask her
“I call it the go-atron” she giggles hopping off this device
“what does it do?” I ask her
“it works like a train, it’s kinda like a train and a bike bad a baby” she explains
“does it work?” i ask her
“Mostly” she giggles “it cuts out sometimes, and it tends to drop red hot coals on the ground behind it, and it tends to overheat” she explained
“Y/n take it home, work on it and test it up in the hills not though town” I tell her
“Oh...your starting to sound like bill” she sighs “what happened to fun whitey” she giggles
“I don’t know, all I know if you cant ride that thing though town” I tell her so she sighs sticking her tongue out at me turning it back on and turning it around going back to her house 
“that girl’s gonna bring the whole town down someday” Sheriff McNue sighs
“well she tries to help” I shrug 
“your just saying that cause your sweet on her” he laughs
“I am Not!” I answer 
“Ohh Please whitey, you and the inventors daughter have been sweet on each other since you where kids” he laughs
“I just like hanging around with her, even when we where kids, she was like the only person around my age around here” I sigh and just as I finish there was a huge bang 
“Best go see what’s she done” he sighs so I grab my jacket rushing off to the hill to Y/n’s little house bangs and clatters coming from the back of the house so I go around and see her hitting and working with a huge machine 
“Y/n are you alright?” I ask her
“Ohh fine whitey, nothing to worry about just the generator playing up again” she explains as it blew again sending bits of metal everywhere and a small fire to start 
“It doesn't look alright” I laugh
“It’s fine it’s meant to be on fire” she smiles “thats how it works” she laughs putting all the little bits of metal back covering the thing completely “so..what did you want?” she asks
“not a lot sheriff went me up is all” I tell her
“ohh come on in then I’ll make you a cup of tea” she smiles rushing inside so I slowly followed her the house full to the brim with little inventions she or her father had worked on at some point she problem is she’s rather forgetful she’ll start something put it down and then completely forget what it even was so her house is a bit dangerous when her father was around he used to make sure she kept up with things and made sure she didn’t kill anyone or herself with these things but...she’s all alone now, her mother passed away giving birth to her little brother and her father died down in the mines her brother, I haven’t seen him in years he ran off to find work in the fields on some ranch out west, I guess I’m really all she has now, I’ve known y/n almost as long as I could remember she was only a few months younger then me her father used to drop her with me when they went down into the mines leaving us to sit outside playing together till they came back “Ohh be careful the pipe is hot” she says 
“which one?” I ask her
“Uhh most of them, I forget which one” she says as she pours tea so I carefully sat on a chair at the table and she sat across from me bringing the tea I took a sip at it tasted awful like hot wet mud so I quickly put it down leaning back on the chair “Oh no whitey don’t-” she begins as the chair fell backwards making me land on the floor “the back has a gear so it reclines, its broken though” she says
“its fine” I sigh in pain getting up and sitting again making sure to lean on the table when suddenly something across the room starting beeping very very loudly “WHAT IS THAT!” I ask her
“WHAT!” she yells
“WHAT’S MAKING THE NOISE!” I yell
“I DON’T KNOW IT JUST DOES IT AT 3PM EVERYDAY FOR A MINUET OR SO”  she yells
“WHAT!” I ask her just as it stopped “you really need to clean this place out go knows what you’ve got in here” I tell her
“look who’s bloody talking I’ve been to yours whitey i’m pretty sure you have a animal living in there” she laughs
“yeah me” I laugh “but seriously y/n do you even know half the stuff you have in here?” I ask her
“Not really-” she begins as the lights began to flicker “Oh not again” she sighed grabbing a broom and going outside “go On shoo, shoo you little theifs” she yells trying to shoo some raccoons away from her generator so I got up wondering around the house looking at all her little things the only clear space, from the door to the kitchen and table and from the kitchen and table to her bed everywhere else covered floor to ceiling in little inventions so I followed the cables on the floor two leading under her bed, what’s she hiding under there? I followed the cable with my hand it giving me a tiny shock 
“Oww” I complain before trying to follow the cable again
“Whitey what are you doing?” she asked 
“Ohh nothing” I laugh getting up “I should be uhh getting back” I tell her 
“Oh yes go on back to work then” she giggles so I give her a tight cuddly hug before going to the door “whitey?...where’s my kissy?” she giggles
“alright...” i laugh “come here” I sigh and she runs over jumping into my arms so I gave her lips one tiny sweet kiss and she happy kissed back she tried to kiss more but I pulled away “you said one you got one you greedy girl, now get off I got to get back to work, the sheriffs already starting to ask questions I can’t be to long” I tell her 
“fine” she sighs letting go so I gave her one more kiss before going back off into town...what? fine I’ll come clean, I am in love with her, we started dating only a few months ago but we agreed to keep it a secret from the rest of the town these ladies are already nosy in our business anyway dont need them knowing whats going on with us, well I say going on the most we do is kiss we haven't even done anything yet funny how I’ve known her so long and have seen her naked thousands of times over our lives, when our parents send us down for a bath by the river and I had to...Keep watch, well I watched that bit was right, not much of anything else, but we still haven't done anything 
TIMESKIP: Y/N POV:
I stood cooking up some dinner until there was a knock at the door “who is it?” I ask going over and looking though the spy hole 
“It’s me Y/n, let me in” whitey says clearly in pain so I opened the door and he looked rather hurt scratched in places and even bleeding
“find the animal in your house?” I ask and he nods “did you try to get rid off it?” I ask and he nods “did you lose?” I ask and he nods “do you need a bed for the night?” I ask 
he nods “my house belongs to the Bob cat now” he sighed
“come in” I laugh and he happily came in so I shut and locked the door “have you had dinner? or did the bob cat get your dinner too?” I laugh
“the he got it” he sighs so I giggle serving the now done dinner and giving him half 
“here, you can stay tonight, I’ll take the cat trap I made over tomorrow morning” I laugh eating some dinner “I’ll fix you up after dinner” i tell him tapping his hand and he smiled at me taking me hand tightly once we had finished up dinner I bandaged his little ingures up and giving him some pain killers and went sitting on my bed in my little nightie reading my book whitey slipped off his shirts sitting beside me in the bed and cuddling me closely “why are you so cuddly?” I laugh
“I dont know, maybe its you being beautiful, maybe its the pain killers” he laughs
“it’s the pain killers whitey” I laugh
“Ummm I love you” he smiles
“no you don’t its just the pain killers whitey, there making you all giggly” I laugh “what’s in theres anyway?” I ask grabbing the bottle “Cocaine, Heroin, sativa, Eww water plants” I read “you’ll be fine it will wear off in a hour” I tell him 
“Your very sexy when your being smart” he giggles 
“Oh am I?” I laugh “you’ve not told me that before” I laugh
“snuggle” he giggles holding me closer to him 
“aww you get so cuddly when your on these things, I might keep you on them” I laugh
“Ummm snuggly y/n” he smirks pulling me closer and I felt it 
“WHOA! Whitey!” I yell moving away from him
“what? what did I do?”he asked
“your-” I begin looking down
“Ohh...can I blame that on the pain killers?” he asked
“No” I laugh
“fuck!” he sighs “well...I uh...I don’t know what do to now” he sighs
“relax whitey, i get it your a guy hormones and stuff I get it” I giggle
“Okay....Y/n can I ask you something?” he asks
“course whitey” I smile
“what are the hidden inventions under your bed?” he smirked
“there arnt any under my bed” I giggle 
“really?” he smirked ducking under my bed “Whoa! what the hell are these?” he smirked
“nothing” I giggle
“come on tell me” he laughs 
“there sex toys” I explain
“you made a sex toy? does it work?” he asks
“yes” I giggle 
“but why did you make two?” he asks
“well” I giggle putting my book down and sitting on his lap shuffling down him so I sat over his thighs getting one of them and smirking at him undoing his pants
“Y/n, I’m not sure about this” he says a little scared
“it��s okay whitey, if you dont want to-” I begin
“No no it’s not that, I want to believe me, its just I know what your inventions are like for....going wrong” he explains 
“Hey!” i complain “trust me I use these everyday, they work” I giggle
“everyday?” he smirks “you dirty girl” he smirks as I give him a little kiss pulling his pants down far enough for his cock to jump free hitting him in the stomach I sat shocked for a moment surprised by his size
“Umm whitey, so thats what you’ve been hiding all these years” I giggle UN plugging the decided and setting it up on him he looked both excited and scared “Relax it’s not like it’s going to cut your dick off” I laugh
“It might” he laughs as I plug it in again and turn it on “Uhhhh FUCK ME! I take it back! I take it back this is so good” he moans his head hitting the pillow his hands gripping my bed sheet tightly his eyes rolling back in pleasure until his hand moved to turn it off “fuck...it feels so good, I’m sorry I doubted you” he smirks
“its fine whitey, you can keep using it if you want too” I giggle
“I will, but...where’s your’s?” he smirks so I grab the other one and hand it to him laying in the other side of the bed “Okay your gonna have to explain this to me” he asks
“its easy whitey, first pull that bit up” I tell him and he does “Now...just keep going forward till i tell you stop” I giggle and he looks very scared slowly doing as Ive asked him “Uhhh Whitey!” I Moan 
“should I stop?” he asks
“No keep going” I giggle “okay stop” I giggle “then put that down and clip the clips on the sides to the bed sheet” I explain and he does that so I pull him closer giving him a sweet kiss as we kiss his hand moved to the little switch on mine turning it on “UHHH WHITEY!” I moan
“Holy shit! it actually fucks you...” he says in suprise
“what did you think it would do?” I laugh
“i dont know” he laughs turning it off again making me groan in annoyance “how about...I’m in charge of your little machine, and you get mine” he smirks so I giggle moving my hand to his and 
“three, two one” we both giggle both of us turning them on at the same time 
“UHHH Y/N!” he screams
“Uhhh Whitey!” I scream
“Ummm Baby baby please stop it...its too good!”he moans and I just giggle shaking my head 
“Your just not used to it” I giggle betwen my breaths “have you not been giving him much attention whitey” i giggle
“Not lately” he smirks “haven’t had too...just imagine you is normally enough” he smirks
“me doing what?” I giggle
“pretty much this actually Y/n” he maons so I giggle moving his hand still ridgit on my machine moving his hand alittle down “OHhh theres another speed” he smirks quickly turning it on high
“UHHHHHH WHTIEY! UHH WHITEY PLEASE PLEASE!” I scream
“Ummm Y/n I’m close baby” He moans
“ohh are you” I giggle turning his up to high too
“UHHHHH Y/N Y/N Y/N UHH Y/N MY DARLING UHHH!” I screams as he came so I quickly turned it off taking it off him letting him pump himself trying to elongate his climax it made me giggle seeing my lose control like that only one world could decribe how he looks right now...Orgasmic, “come on baby why wont you cum” he smirks kissing me 
“I’m close whitey” I groan 
“Lets just see how close you are?” he smirks turning off my toy and pushing his fingers inside me and that was it I came squirting a little on my bed roughly pulling him to kiss me as I orgasmed till I began to fall from my high and he removed his fingers “you where close” he smirked laying beside me both of us sweaty and exhausted “you need to like pattern them y/n, make a lot of money out of them” he smirks 
“Maybe” I giggle putting the toys away and laying my head on his chest cuddling him closely “but for now, we can keep it our little secret” I giggle “our little play things” I smirk
“no need, you are my little play thing my darling” he smirks holding me close to him “when did you make them anyway?” he laughs
“well I made mine a year ago, been using it ever since, I started work on yours when we started dating only finished it yesterday” I laugh
“you hadn't even tested it yet! and you just put it on me like you knew it would work! I could have lost my dick y/n” he yells
“did you?” I giggle
“No” he sighs
“see so stop complaining” I laugh “you liked it didn't you?” I giggle
“Of course I did, can’t wait to really have you doing that to me” he smirks
“one day whitey, if your good” I giggle giving him a kiss “Night night” I smile snuggling on his chest
“Night” he smiles giving my head a kiss 
WHITEY’S POV:
y/n had been asleep for a while now, she was so peaceful laid on me i was kinda half asleep awake enough to think but asleep enough to not move till I heard gun shots from down in town so I carefully moved y/n’s arm from around me and her head off my chest laying my pillow there instead and she happily snuggled there like nothing had changed so I quickly got my pants on properly as more gun shots fired only putting one shirt on I dont have time for two grabbing my guns giving y/n a little kiss before rushing out down into the town as many men rode around firing and trying to grab ladies “where the hell have you been whitey?” the sheriff asked as he tried to fire missing completely 
“Long story” I tell him trying to shoot too not doing to well they where too fast I moved to stand in the road trying to shoot but I ran out of bullets “Ohh fuck” I sigh but suddenly y/n stood beside me in her nightie with a huge gun she had clearly messed with it firing like five shells a second taking them down and the others run off “what the hell is that?” I ask her
“super gun, takes shells direly from this wired set, if your holding the trigger it keeps firing” she explains 
“I love you” I laugh pulling her by her waist to kiss me she happily kissed back
“i love you too” she giggles before the gun began firing again making us pull away after a few little ties she made it shot “sorry” she said to everyone who she just gave a heart attack too in town
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noexit-ff · 8 years ago
Text
31. Part 4
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Walking out of the changing rooms, seeing Frank talking to the security that have come and police. Why is life like this for me, I just want a easy life. I done cried about having a easy life and look at this, I have a wife that doesn’t listen and does her own thing. If Jessica wants to press charges then she can and has proof, Robyn is so stupid “fuck” I breathed out “Chris Brown” the officer walked over to me, why me “yes” looking at him “the incident that happened here, the lady that got hit. Look sir, I need take you in” looking at the officer dumbfounded “you what?” I am confused, what is happening “can we just walk out of here without arresting you, the lady is saying you attacked her” my mouth fell open “what!? I ain’t do shit” looking at Robyn “I mean you will see from…” I went silent, with my record who is going to hear me and then on the cameras it shows Robyn and I don’t want that for her “I ain’t-” I paused “you know what take me, I guess you want to question me about the club incident too” Cass rushed over to me “what is happening?” they were after me, I am so over this shit and I don’t want to be arrested for anything “they taking me in, I apparently hit Jessica” Cass looked at me crazy “no, he didn’t do anything I can tell you that” shaking my head “well we are taking the tapes so we will find out, the lady Jessica is saying you hit her in the face after confronting you about sleeping with her” this shit is fucked up “alright, ok. Can we go now?” walking by the officer “we are taking him” the officer said to his colleague “hold up, you ain’t taking him!?” Sinko shouted “fucking drop it, just stop” I don’t need him screaming about anything, I don’t want my wife being in a place like that “no, no, no what is this!? You can’t take him” Robyn rushed ahead of me “it’s me you want, he didn’t do anything” she said to the officer “Robyn, just leave it yeah. Let’s go” walking around Robyn, I don’t know what I am going to do because they will see the footage.
Not a place I wanted to see again, sitting in the interview room but it’s whatever. I don’t want Robyn here and she is pregnant, stupid and pregnant. I am innocent but I am doing this for my wife, I can’t deal with her being here. The door opened, some movement. I have been here for a while now, I am sure it’s been two hours “Chris” the guy walked in with a female “I am Wade, this my colleague Anita. We are looking over the file and have just spoken to Jessica. You’re not under any arrest, we just want to speak on what happened, we are going through the footage now” nodding my head “so what happened?” I shrugged “you will see yourself” I ain’t saying shit “you right, we will but she is saying you attacked her. Something you don’t want on your file now is it?” looking away from them both “you both was together?” I chuckled shaking my head “look, I live a life where I have women come and go. She is one of them, she is obsessed with me, she is following me. Yes we had sex, that was it. She chose to come to my home and have sex with me and now she is wanting more, I am married to my wife and that is who I want” Wade looked at his colleague “so did you get angry when she came up to you and your wife?” Anita asked, shaking my head “I was more scared for my wife, she seems a little unstable mentally. I didn’t do anything” I shrugged saying “then who did” good question, who did.
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What have I even done, they need to know it was me. Why did he even walk off with them “you need to go back to the hotel, we are not taking you to the station” Rich said, I refuse to leave this SUV “I hit the bitch, that should be me so why is he there!?” I shouted “because she blamed him and he accepted it, nothing more I can say” Cass said in annoyance “please get out of the SUV” I am not leaving “I will phone the police myself and tell them, I did it. Oh my god, Jen please tell them. I want my husband, I want him now why did he do this!” covering my face with my hands “Rihanna, he won’t want you there. I think he is taking the blame but it won’t work out, they will see who did it” shaking my head “take me there now” I don’t care what they say, I am going “I don’t get why he is taking the blame, I told you to leave it. It is a public place so of course people will see, stubborn ass wouldn’t drop it. You been angry since we left” Mel scolded me “I was angry with Chris but I didn’t want him to do this, oh god” I feel so bad, I am going to that station.
Rushing to the receptionist “my husband, Chris Brown. Where is he!?” I spat, the lady looked at me like I was crazy “ma’am, he is sat right there” she pointed, looking behind me “oh my god Chris” running around the seating area, sitting next to him “are you ok?” kissing his cheek “I am fine, they let me go. She decided to drop the charges quickly, they saw it was you but she doesn’t want to press charges” poking my lips out, my poor baby “I am so sorry Chris, why did you do that? It was me” he licked his lips sighing out “because when you love someone you will do anything for them, if that means taking the blame then so be it. I didn’t want you here, you’re having my child and I don’t want that. I just want to go now” he got up from the seat “I am sorry you know” he walked off “least you’re ok” hearing Mel say, getting up from the seat “you’re stupid” Mel spat “you need Monica to slap some sense into you” I said I am sorry, I just felt like I didn’t want sex and I felt like I wanted an argument, I just be doing this at times. Everyone is angry at me now.
I feel so bad, he took the blame and now he is so quiet with me “you know what, I know it isn’t the time to say things because things are bad but, the news is Rihanna is a free agent which needs to be verified but, I love you Chris but I got an email. I don’t get why people are trying it, Drake said and I quote. I would text Rihanna but she has changed her number, I would love her to be on OVO” Mel snorted laughing, I groaned out “tell him to fuck off, I am not signing with anyone” I don’t want to hear it right now, I have other things going on “tell that Jewish fuck I will break his face, actually Jen put in the message ask her husband” Chris turned in his seat looking at Jen “tell him ask her husband, why are people playing me. I am done” Jen looked at me “put it, say what he said” I mumbled, Chris is not happy and I have added to that. I came to support him but I caused trouble and upset him more, I am not much of a support when I am upsetting him.
I didn’t think Chris would have come back to the room but he is, I am ever so quiet. I am just staying behind him, holding the door in case he just let it close behind him but he didn’t. He held the door open for me, walking around Chris “I am sorry Chris, I don’t want you being angry with me” taking my blazer off “I am not angry, more upset. I don’t give a fuck about what happened, I am used to getting interviewed in stations but when my wife is ranting and raving about our sex life then I got a problem, when you shouting with my friends around you make me look stupid. That fucking gets me angry, I am not a nigga I am your husband so when you speak to me you don’t speak to me like a nigga you are fucking on the low, you give me some respect. They already think you run me, I let you. I adore you, I would do anything for you but at times I don’t know with you. You know what got me, you hit me again why? Why do you hit me, you need to learn some respect” putting my head down “I said I am sorry Chris” Chris walked off “you’re always sorry but you still trying to hit me, I swear Robyn. You don’t deserve me, it’s never the other way around. It’s not what the media believe because they are so blind seeing the sweet angel, they don’t see this. It’s like you want an audience, you thrive on people being around so you can act out. We have the same fucking conversation and you still do it! This is not about sex anymore, it’s about you not respecting me” I flinched when Chris banged the door shut.
I am so sad, I didn’t mean to upset Chris this much. Dragging the door open for Jen “I heard the bang of the door” walking back into the room “I am guessing he is not happy?” shaking my head “he is angry with me, he says I don’t respect him. I don’t deserve him, maybe he is right that I don’t deserve him but I adore him so much. He’s been in the bathroom for so long, I think he is having a shower” I can hear the shower running, it’s been running for so long though “he is very tense, maybe you need to take him away. Take him away from things, just take him away on holiday. Things have been a little rocky, some you and him time” he has the thing with his dad and then me, I am stressing him “you right but he won’t want to know, he says I don’t respect him?” Jen cringed a little “you did hit him in the face and then hit his chest, I even heard about the sex shit” I am such a bad person.
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Robyn can have Jen to keep her warm, seeing as the friends are always together and shit. Clasping my Rolex around my wrist, I am going out and I don’t know where yet but it will be somewhere local, might see my stalker though. Turning around walking out of the bathroom “shit” turning back into the bathroom, gathering my clothes up from the floor. Seeing as my wife is rude as fuck and don’t respect shit I will clean my own clothes, walking out of the bathroom “Drake replied Chris” Jen said, throwing my clothes at the side of the cases “he did” opening my jewellery box “he said, that is a no then. I’ll pass” he is wise, he knows I will beat his ass. Placing my chains around my neck “good, but then again she might want to be on that label” closing my box “no I don’t” Robyn spoke up “nigga?” I said “that is what I am to you, a nigga. I am out, you might as well get Mel to join you” pulling the charging cable out from my phone “where are you going? Why are you running away, can’t we just talk it out?” talk it out, she is funny “to fix your attitude? Ok, have a good night” Robyn is funny and stupid, I ain’t going to sit and explain how to act.
Robyn is calling my phone, turning my phone face down. I am out eating with my boys, I never see some of these niggas from New Jersey “shit is different now, I would be coming to LA and staying at your Crib. Now I be sleeping on Lo’ couch” TJ said, sitting back in my chair laughing “what can I say my nigga, life comes at you fast and now I am married. I can’t have nigga parties anymore” there is someone missing here “where did Sinko leave too?” I asked Ant, he shrugged “Lo, where did he say he was going too?” Ant shouted over the table at Lo “oh he said he needed to go back to LA. Home shit popping off, he had to go” that was random, he didn’t even say anything to me “I am still thinking how she knows, how did Jessica know I was at those places. I be checking everywhere, I am scared she is coming at me now” Ant shook his head “what did you do to her? She is stuck on you, mentally stuck on you” I shrugged “I had sex with her, when I was at my low points in my life. She was there, you know. She would listen to me, I would be high as shit and I might have made her think we was more, I don’t know. She really think I am hers though, I am wondering though. Why does everyone know where I am, is someone watching me? I know I did things when I was in that part of my life but I feel insecure” my circle is small now, I don’t get it “I honestly don’t know” Ant said “probably hear your wife’ mouth and they find you” Hood spat “nigga, I heard you ain’t getting pussy from your wife?” TJ said laughing “there is always hoes around my nigga” TJ is a dumbass that needs to grow up “why are you listening to shit?” I said to Hood “we all heard, Chris be getting bullied in the bedroom, I know he gets his ass beat for being out” the boys laughed “alright, alright shut up now” Ant spoke up.
Dapping TJ “meet up again family” I said, he smiled at me “can’t wait to meet breezy junior my nigga, you boring as shit now though” he shouted walking off, turning my phone around. Robyn has called me three times, I am not calling her back. Placing my phone down on the table, grabbing my whiskey and drinking the last of the contents “another one” I said to the waiter “niggas gone, don’t have too many now” Ant said, I think I need it “shall we go to the strip club?” Ant stared at me all wide eyed “why?” he questioned “I feel like it” Ant sighed out “I think you need to go back to the hotel and just be with your wife” I knew he would say that “and look like a little bitch, my niggas are going there so why shouldn’t I go? They laugh in my face and then Robyn does me like that” the waiter placed my whiskey on the table “them you say, they are single, you have a wife and a child on the way. I am all for laughs, I would go but I wouldn’t go when in my heart I am doing it to upset my wife” rolling my eyes drinking my whiskey “what happened? I know about the beating but what upset you? You was happy as shit your wife was coming along” placing my drink down “she don’t respect me, I do so much for Robyn. It’s not a sex thing, ok I got angry she didn’t want sex but then the way she speaks to me, she was calling me nigga, being so rude to me and then hit me when I told her to not hit Jessica, then she hit me again on my chest when I stopped her. Then she shouted about our sex life in the car and then in the store. It’s more then just hormones because she has done it before” I am so annoyed “you know I am here for you, in the best way. Your friends intentions are wrong, as a married man myself. It’s something you’re going to sort out, I see it Chris. You spoil Rihanna a lot, for a woman that has everything you spoil her. You give her your all, no matter what and I see it myself. If she is not respecting you then you don’t need to go out your way to go to a strip club, then you are making yourself look bad. At this moment in time she is feeling bad. I can’t say what you’re feeling, I have never had the issue but Rihanna herself she is high maintenance. I don’t think I could deal with her but she does love you, I don’t want you to do something stupid like going with them. What I would do, go back to your room. Cold shoulder, she needs to understand how this is making you feel and you need to let Rihanna know that you love her but I am your husband and you ain’t about to let her do you like that. You told me you didn’t want a child, well not yet and look at this? You didn’t want to move but you did, you been making sacrifices and all you ask is respect, deal with it but in an adult way” Ant pointed at me “if I hear you and Rihanna have had an argument because you went to the strip club with them then you deserve the abuse” I wish my actual dad was like this.
Ant and I have been so silent, it’s mostly me. I am just in my own thoughts “you know, my dad got Leukemia” Ant looked at me in shock “why didn’t you say? I am sorry” waving him off “my dad met up with me in VA, bought this family along. Told me and expected me to look after his kids, like he didn’t let me suffer. My mom wants me to help him but I won’t, then I feel bad. My mom called me a week ago, she was like Leukemia can be inherited. I am scared, what if you get it. You know how mom’s be, I told her to stop looking at things like that. I don’t know Ant, my life is a little messy right now. I have a stalker, a wife that don’t respect me, a baby, my dad is dying, being attacked in the club. I should keep my ass at home” rubbing my head laughing “shit nigga, why didn’t you tell me? I am honestly so sorry to know about your dad, does your dad have anything with money? Like, do you give him money?” shaking my head “you know what, to put yourself at ease. Give him money, you feel bad” I don’t think he deserves money but I do feel bad.
Walking the hotel lobby ever so slowly, I did come back to the hotel. Ant is right “we flying out tomorrow?” Ant said behind me “uh yeah, I need to go back to LA” some normality back in my life, tapping the elevator button “do you think Rihanna is ok with the tour thing?” stepping on the elevator “honestly, I don’t think she is. She mentioned it when arguing with me but I want to do it, I want to tour” Ant tapped the top floor “women for you nigga, you will learn. I did” getting my phone out of my pocket again, I didn’t really check the message she left. Unlocking my phone and opening the message, she should be asleep by now “shawty sent me a message, this how crazy she can be. I know you’re friends are at the strip club, if I see you there then I am done with you. You can have those nasty ass hoes, crying over sex to me, fuck you” locking my phone “I ain’t even go there but yet she assumes, she is crazy and annoying. I should have went” placing my phone in my pocket “you didn’t go, you’re innocent. Don’t argue and just go to sleep, sleep off the drink” dapping Ant “see you in the morning” dragging my feet to the room, the hotel room I have us in is small as fuck. I should have got a bigger room, Jen and Mel are right next to us so they hear everything. The hotel room door unlocked, pushing it open. It’s dark in this room so she is asleep, crazy ass. The door closed and now I can’t see shit, walking ever so slowly. Getting my phone out from my pocket, let me put my phone light on or some shit. Putting the light on my phone, shining it on the bed. Robyn is asleep, and has taken all of the pillows too with her petty ass.
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A good place to die Chapter 4
Warning: harsh language, violence
I regained consciousness, and it sucked. My throat hurt badly, and my limbs felt like goo, but that didn’t suck as much as the fact that Pennywise had failed to end me.
It wasn’t just me who was unable to kill myself.
A coughing fit made my entire body twitch, and my eyes shot open. I was lying in a fetal position on the washing-machine platform, covered in even more rags. Penny must have tucked me in while I was unconscious. The light had diminished, but I could still see enough to realize that he was sitting on the low wall that surrounded the abyss from which he had crawled almost two and a half weeks ago. It must have still been during the day, but definitely later than when Penny attacked me.
I was still alive.
The clown turned his head towards me, his eyes a weird shade of silver.
“Wha-wha-what… ha-happened?” I was wheezing, and my voice sounded like sand paper.
“Why… am I… I still alive?”
The clown shrugged, the rustle around his neck continuing the movement even when he was sitting still again.
“You weren’t scared. You were happy. I can’t kill you when you are happy.”
I felt drained and disappointed.
“Why?”
“Don’t you think I’d like to know that too?”, the clown spat at me.
“Well, I’m sorry.”
I buried my head between my legs and arms, waiting for my breath to stabilize.
After a while I could feel something touch my hair. I looked up at the clown standing before me.
“Listen, I’m exhausted and you are probably too. I should better go home now. Auntie will be worried,” I murmured, slowly unfolding my body. “I am sorry for what happened. Seems like I’m not the only one who has trouble killing me.”
My joke fell on death ears.
“Anyway, thank you for your effort.” I caught myself feeling somewhat anxious about my next question. “Can I come back tomorrow?”
His eyes turned somewhat more yellow, and his puzzled look became mingled with suspicion.
“Why would you want to do that?”
I wasn’t so sure myself. “I guess I like it here?”
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I was lying in bed, thinking about the last couple of hours. Of course auntie had made a horrible fuss when she saw the state of my body. I told her I had tripped with the bike because of the new potholes, but I was pretty sure she didn’t believe me. She knew perfectly well that my nice classmates liked to mess with my bike – after all she already had to borrow me money for new tires and breaks, and once even a new saddle. And my accident also couldn’t properly explain the ligature marks on my neck. But she didn’t ask again, and so I could flee to the dark safety of my bed, contemplating the events of the day.
Pennywise had brought me back to the entrance once more, his eyes glowing bright blue. We didn’t talk, but it wasn’t uncomfortable – more like a fatigue we both shared. He even helped me with the brake cables that had been dislodged. He hadn’t answered my question, though.
Obviously he perceived me as a threat, and I still had no idea why. The fact that I wasn’t scared of anything seemed to be part of the cause, but how this would actually affect him was beyond me. He said he fed on fear and bodies, yet he had let that kid go when I visited him. I briefly wondered if he had fed on somebody in the meantime, but there was no curfew in place nor had I heard of any missing kids at school. I tried to be horrified at the fact that I was befriending a monster, but I couldn’t. The only thing that had managed to penetrate the numbness was the slight spur of excitement I felt any time I went down into the sewers. Maybe I should have started taking my meds again.
Once again I found sleep evading me.
Instead my mind was wandering back to my childhood days here in Derry. My mom had given birth to me at the tender age of fourteen, and the guy who had abused me had married her at sixteen. He wasn’t my real dad, as far as I knew. I was punished for everything I did and didn’t do. He was very versatile - he used his fists, his belt, sticks and whatever else he could find. When I was seven he started groping me. I told mum, and she smacked me so hard I had bruises for ages. As a punishment I wasn’t allowed to eat dinner. Again.
The only brakes I got were when auntie came to visit. She always had a little present for me, which Dad would quickly dispose of as soon as she left. But at least I wouldn’t be hit, and I was allowed to eat my three meals.  Then the fateful day came.
It must have been about a week after I had wondered into the sewers for the first time. Dad and Mum fought again, but it was different this time. Soon they started hurling things at each other. I crawled beneath the table to shield myself from flying tableware, empty bottles and the occasional book. Then Dad reached into his boots, pulled something out and a big BOOM followed. Mum sank to the floor, blood spilling from between her fingers, and Dad stumbled backwards, the gun falling from his hand. Very slowly, he turned around and looked at me. He pulled the table away and yanked me up by my arms. His face was almost as white as the wallpaper as he picked up one of the knives lying on the floor. He raised it high above his head, but before he could plunge it into my chest, another BOOM shook the kitchen. Mum had crawled across the floor, leaving a bloody trail behind, picked up the gun and shot him square in the head.
It took fifteen minutes for the police to arrive. The medics, who arrived just seconds after them, said that I was in shock and wrapped me in blankets. Everything after was but a blur. Days faded into each other. I was constantly moved between facilities, doctors and therapists. It had taken me a long time to figure out what they expected from me. When I finally understood, auntie took me ‘home’ with her, back to Derry. I couldn’t complain, she was very attentive and genuinely concerned. But it didn’t change the fact that I only ever felt like a zombie.
Around 4 a.m. I finally drifted into a light slumber. For the first time in forever I had hazy dreams of silk against my throat, of ghosts and glowing eyes. When I woke up I was drenched in sweat.
Auntie had left a note for me. “Bee is coming over at 6 p.m. I’ll make dinner. Hope to see you there too.” I wrote back that I would come. Bee, as we called her, was a good friend of auntie, despite being almost twice her age. She was a beautiful lady, though her red hair had become considerably greyer in the last year and creases had appeared all over her face. She was kind and caring, which was rare in Derry, and she actually listened to what you would say. As I was ready to leave for school, the phone rang and a nurse informed me that Mr. Shanks would be released in two days and expected his shop to be clean and ready for business.
School was horrible.
Apparently my frequent trips to the barrens had stirred up some drama. Rumors about me banging half the school were flying about, and even girls who had never spoken to me before were hissing “bitch” under their breath when I passed. My locker had been picked and somebody had filled it with used condoms, empty liquor bottles and other nice gifts. Boys were whistling at me and remarking how uninteresting my bony figure was, but that they’d do me for five bucks and the like. The only pleasant surprise was the dismissal one hour early because of a conference.
I felt like a fugitive when I sped away on my bike, heading for the barrens as fast as I could. This time I was going to take my bike with me, because I had a feeling somebody might come looking for it. And the second I had turned around the first bend of the sewer tunnel, I heard voices echoing from the entrance.
“You saw her here?”
“I swear, she was here like ten seconds ago.”
“Stupid bitch.”
“Where’d she go?”
“No idea. You think she went in there?”
“Well, she probably would.”
“Shall we go looking?”
“Through all the dirt? You crazy? I’m wearing my new Gucci.”
I backed away slowly, trying to be as quiet as possible. Only after I had gone on for several minutes I dared to breathe  again.
When I finally reached the cistern I was a little unsure of how to proceed. For starters I parked my bike against the wall, and then called out softly: “Pennywise?” I almost expected to not receive an answer, but after a couple of heartbeats the clown appeared behind the nearest pile of junk.
“I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”, I asked, the tiniest sensation of nervousness building in my belly.
He shook his head, and his bells jingled. “I wasn’t sure whether you would come back, little girl. Since I can’t help you.”
I smiled a little. This weird sensation had begun to come more easily to my face after the last couple of weeks. “It’s still better to hang out with you than stay at any place out there, so if you don’t mind too much…”
He studied me intensely, his eyes the weird in-between silverish shade that wasn’t quite blue and not quite yellow either. “I still don’t understand why you, as a human, would want to be here.”
I thought about that for a second. “Maybe it is because you aren’t put off by me the same way everyone else is. It’s quiet, and I don’t have to pretend to be something I’m not. And you were the first one to actually try to help me with what I really wanted. I know auntie means well and all, but she doesn’t understand me. I don’t think anyone can, really.”
He nodded, and I nestled into the rags on my usual spot. I had brought another book with me, a collection of short stories by Poe, and immersed myself into the beautiful flow of words that painted the most bizarre pictures in my mind. When I was just starving on the vast sea, contemplating the fact that I might have to consume human flesh to survive, a soft touch on my shoulders snapped me back into the twilight of the cavern.
Pennywise stood next to me, his big hand tentatively touching my shoulder. He looked like a little kid scared of dogs and being forced to stroke one.
“Would you read to me?”
I was caught off guard. He hadn’t complained before when I read out loud, but that he’d actually ask for it surprised me very much.
“Uhm, sure, if you want to…”
And with that the big clown sat down at the foot of the pile of junk, facing away from me, his head so close that my feet almost touched his hair.
I quickly skimmed through the book, wanting to read a story from the very beginning, and ultimately stopped at ‘William Wilson’, one of my favorites. As I started reading out lout, the clown let out the smallest of sighs.
 I snapped the book close with too much force, and the sound echoed through the abruptly quiet cavern. A quick glance at my watch told me it was time to go home, or I would be late for Bee.
“I’ll have to go, a friend is coming for dinner”, I explained as I slid down from my seat.
Pennywise turned his face towards me, his expression as confusing to me as ever. His eyes shone in the most profound blue I had ever seen.
“So, uhm… See you tomorrow?”
He blinked, but didn’t move otherwise. I smiled at him tentatively, before I made my way back to the tunnel. Apparently I would have to find my way back on my own this time.
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corvixa · 6 years ago
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I've used a food bank once, and it was not a comfortable thing for us, simply because of our household. I have MCAS and Hubs has ulcerative colitis. One of the items was sardines in ketchup.
A bunch of stale bread goods, 2 of the croissants with some citrus curd, cans of different soups, mushy peas. I can't remember exactly but there was a single thing I could stomach which was tomato soup. 1 can. Also, my diet restricts tomatoes. I'm on a low histamine diet, the longer a thing is stored, the more histamines it ends up with. So canned and preserved foods are basically poison.
I can't eat much anyway, I eat for two days, skip the third and eat a small meal a day that is an appetiser for most people. We treated ourselves to a McDonald's a while ago, so my portion size for a big meal is half a chicken legend and a handful of chips. It's handy, because I can't afford my diet at much more than that given it is all fresh home cooked stuff.
Whilst the food bank food was great, I made than can of tomato soup last 4 days until my sister visited and did a full shop.
We didn't have bank cards, no ID to go to the bank. Our phone were fished out of a window 2 days in but no chargers (Also, my faith in humanity restored, when my sister took us for shopping at tesco, I asked if they had an C cables, because my phone had the details for us to shop online. They had run out and I let slip a hysterical laugh because I was wearing badly fitting red Cross clothes, walking heavily without my crutches and no sleeping because the beds in the temp flat were very low death traps for normal humans. Not humans who broke their back years ago. The guy, poor chap, blinked at me, vanished and came back and gave me his charger. That event has stayed with me and probably will for years tbh. I have more of an emotional response to that over my house blowing up which I usually now preface with 'lol'.)
So, if you're ever sitting, looking at the crap in your cupboards and think people turning their noses up at it clearly aren't in need or something. Don't. Because I never thought I'd need to use a food bank. You never know what tomorrow can bring.
This was the morning after pic of my poor kitchen.
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(I am now back in said bungalow, we had a time of it being bounced around. Thor hid in the house and evaded capture for 20 days, his poor whiskers got melted. On the night (4am, morning?) of the explosion, to get to my cat I vaulted 2 collapsed doors and put the fire out with a sauce pan with the ceiling on the floor whilst my able bodied wifey was in the first hall, my cane using hub made it the the kitchen door, whilst most disabled lady jumped around like a health person looking for the cat. I couldn't find him and the firemen were taking at my wife to get me out of the dangerous building whilst she said that ain't gonna happen (don't use me as a role model kids. If half your bungalow explodes go outside like sensible folk). My legs then remembered they don't work and I flooped like a broken marionette doll. Was picked up by firemen and deposited in my wheelchair with a disapproving glare. I did greet the man by waving my saucepan and telling him I put out the fire, so I kinda get it. Then a neighbour ran down the street with duvets yelling that the bang woke her up, here have blankets. Me and Hubs had to go to hospital where I made a skirt out of hospital blankets, because I wear shorts to bed and it was cold. Then we hung out in the library until they found a flat to stick us in. The council kept getting creeped at out scarily accurate knowledge of what was going on in the bungalow from the other side of town (woot, nosy neighbours.) it varied from '4 people have tried to break in' to 'the builders are taking turns taking pictures with your giant rabbits' and 'one of the builders is on a crusade the capture Thor.' I'm love to say this is the weirdest thing to happen in my life, but I grew up in pubs and slept through my house getting petrol bombed, not the guy who attacked the building with a hoover though. He was noisey. I keep getting told to write it all down but it will read like an over dramatic soap that no one would believe in.)
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dfnews · 8 years ago
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Episode Recap of "Finding Joy's Dress"
Season 5, Episode 3 - September 25, 2017 From TV Guide: "Joy goes to Kentucky in search of her perfect wedding dress, but faces some big decisions when there are so many options. Meanwhile, Austin and Joe spend some bonding time with their future fathers-in-law; and Israel celebrates his second birthday."
Can't decide on a dress, bonding with fathers-in-laws that they've known for years, and a toddler's birthday. Can it get anymore boring than this? Let me jazz this show up a bit. Joy decides to elope and the cameras follow her and Austin as they head to the courthouse and then to bar to celebrate. The fathers-in-law get off their butts and find good honest work that actually helps people in their community. No more not allowing gays to rent a house from Jim Bob or Paul Caldwell preaching slanderous lies. And Izzy has a party that is simple and filled with joy. No birthday cards for him about people being glad he wasn't aborted by a murderous Liberal. I might actually get cable again for a show like this.  
1. Joy is in the girls' dorm helping the little girls organize their packing. The little girls are not doing a great job of it since they can't find anything and haven't even begun to pack. Joy was also supposed to call the church and the cake lady but forgot. She also forgot a headband thingy that Cindy has. She really doesn't seem into all this nonsense.  They are all headed out of state again to find a wedding dress for Joy.  Renee Bridal just needs to open a store in the Duggars' living room. Jinger, Joy and Kendra all bought from Renee in Kentucky. I'm guessing Renee is a like-minded misled Christian who is glad to use the Duggars as a nice advertising tool and the Duggars are glad for either a free dress or a huge discount. So much for putting money into your own state's economy when you can get free stuff from another state. The girls' dorm now has room for a love seat sized couch in the bedroom since Jill, Jessa and Jinger moved out but I still don't see enough beds for all the little girls. I still swear those girls are sleeping in the windowless sewing room closet. There is a curtain hanging behind the love seat which I'm guessing is maybe homeschool teacher Laura's private sleeping area. I guess when you hit 30 you are allowed a piece of fabric for privacy. Or maybe Anna has moved back into the house and they are hiding that fact with a curtain. Has Joshie been a bad boy again? Anyway, Joy confesses that she wasn't the type of girl who dreamed about a wedding. I'm right there with you Joy. I dreamed about a quickie wedding and long vacation in Hawaii. She also says that Austin doesn't want her to walk barefoot down the aisle. Who else but the Duggars even considers that? Especially in a large fancy church.  Michelle quietly helps the little girls finish packing and Joy again confesses she is 25 days away from the wedding and has decided on practically nothing.  This seems to be a cry for help. I know she wants out of that house but she doesn't want to do it through marriage as her sisters did. Poor kid.
2. For some reason Jessa, Ben and kids are packing to go to Kentucky too. Ben bangs Spud's head on the changing table and they leave. Nothing else to see here.
3. Michelle gets on the intercom bullhorn and wakes up the girls for the trip the next morning. Of course they're all on rude Duggar time. They end up leaving not too late but they still love to brag about being rudely late.
4. Austin is working on the JoyStin love nest. Professional Duane Andregg is back to help. Smart to call a professional to put in a support beam.
5. Michelle brought her baby voice to Kentucky and loudly announces to the world that she's at the dress shop. "There's Miss Renee's placeeeeeee! Look at thatttttttt!" Ick! Jinger has met up with them leaving Jeremy home alone for the first time. Babe and Babe separated. How will they survive? Oh no! Joy video chats with Austin before going into the wedding shop and she calls him Babe! There can't be that many babes in one family. It's the law. She needs to find another term of endearment. Since he's busy building their love nest, how about Hammer Toes? Or maybe Tool Head? Anything! Just not another babe!
6. In the bridal shop, the equally baby voiced Renee, is welcoming her money makers into the shop. Renee asks what type of dress Joy would like to start with and Joy just rudely says "Whatever! Whatever, I don't care." and looks like she wants out of there fast. Everyone excuses her lack of enthusiasm away as that she doesn't like shopping. Convenient excuse.
7. Benny takes his kids to the park to play but since Hank is sleeping he really only has Spud to entertain. Spud plays and then gets cranky. What excitement did the film crew think was going to be filmed here? Maybe Spud finds a little girl playmate whose parent is an atheist and Ben's head explodes? That would be fun.
8. Joy tries on many dresses and looks like she's trying not to cry with each one. She keeps thinking about what Austin wants in the dress, he has more ideas than she does. Austin even likes a hippie head band on Joy. I can see now why Michelle, Mary, Jessa, Jana, Jinger and the little girls are there. Joy needs all the help she can get.
9. A bunch of fundie guys are walking through a field and I think they're all headed to JoyStin's decrepit house to do some major work on it to surprise Joy.  Instead they're going skeet shooting. That's funny, I actually expected hard work from these guys. LOL! Again Jackson is not invited to join his brothers. What is it about Jackson that these people hate? Justin is a year older and has always hung out with the older boys while Jackson is always left behind. Maybe Jackson will be the one to write the tell all book. Pastor Caldwell and Austin both make lame jokes about guns being used to keep people in line and I hear Jesus sigh. How do they align threats of gun violence with Christ? Even in a joking matter it's offensive to God.
10. In the Dillards' vacation home in El Salvador, they get ready to celebrate Izzy's second birthday. Izzy helps bake a cake and of course Derick has to make it orange for his college colors because he's absolutely obsessed with his college even though it didn't teach him anything except to live off of the kindness of others. Izzy likes his cake and they say he got presents but we didn't see any. I bet he got another fan to lick.
11. Back at the wedding chamber of horrors, Grandma Mary is done with all this nonsense and picks out a dress on her own for Joy. Renee butchers another dress to make Mary's dress more modest for Joy. This patched together butchered dress is the perfect one for little ole Joy. Then they all sit around to talk and cry. Joy's buddy Jenni, who she has raised with Jill since birth, breaks down bawling. She is absolutely distraught.  Poor Jenni is losing another mom. This is why parents are supposed to marry and settle down before raising kids. The Duggars have the kids raise the kids and then the kids are destroyed when their older siblings marry and leave. That is against God's nature! Sinners!  Hopefully Jenni will move in with Joy and Austin after the honeymoon. James practically lived with Jill and Derick for awhile.
12. So, Joy found a dress, Izzy turned two and skeet  happened. TLC actually makes money off of this show? We didn't get to see Mary's fall on the escalator at the airport where some of the Duggar girls saw her on the ground and walked away but I guess there was just too much excitement in this episode already to mention that little incident.
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marvelhead17 · 6 years ago
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Miracle (Original Female Character x Cable)
Chapter 28
Summary: “How did you fix it?” he asked. “Ask Ellen the Teenage Warhead,” Wade shrugged as he stood up, “As for baby Hitler he ended up having a diaper change, funny story I was actually going to call Cable since he was so keen on killing Russel, I thought this would be like taking candy from a baby, if that means replacing it with a bullet that is,”
Warnings to cover the whole fic: Graphic depictions of violence, use of weapons, mild to strong language, mentions of rape, mentions of pregnancy and miscarriage, referenced torture and psychological abuse/manipulation, nightmares and night terrors, sexual humour, sexual content.
Word count:  1.8k
One Month Later
Hayden and Wade were sitting alone in the rec room, Nathan had just returned from a satisfying jog and was preparing a protein shake for himself seeing as how he had done a fasting run today, she looked around to see that nobody was in earshot and felt satisfied that she could talk to Wade in private.
“Wade, I’m about to ask you something extremely private and personal, you are not to repeat this to another living soul, do you understand?”
“Ooh time for secrets, of course I won’t, scout’s honour,” he put a hand on his chest.
“You weren’t ever in the scouts,”
“I was a military scout, doy,” he rolled his eyes.
“Fine,” she moved closer to him, “If I were to need assistance in,” she paused and coughed awkwardly, “self-pleasuring, where would I be able to get it?”
“Self-pleasuring as in?” Wade raised a brow with a cheeky smile.
“Oh you know exactly what I mean you asshole,” she shoved him lightly, “I’m not saying it out loud,”
“Fine, what exactly do you mean by ‘assistance’?”
  “I mean is there something I can use?”
Nathan finished blending the drink and poured it into one of his bottles before taking a swig.
“You mean like a sex toy?” Wade gasped loudly; Nathan barely managed to swallow his drink before lowering the bottle.
“Wade!” she shoved him hard and stood up, her cheeks flushing a pink colour.
Wade also stood up, a wicked grin spread across his face as he walked closer to Nathan.
“I mean Cable would be a good real-life substitution, he’s a big enough dickhead and I’m sure he can vibrate as good as any dildo with his cyborg half,”
Hayden grabbed a pen that was lying on the coffee table and threw it right at Wade, it punctured his spine, and he fell on the floor as his legs no longer had any feeling in them.
“Don’t listen to Wade, he’s just being full of shit as usual,” her cheeks were still flushed pink.
“I’m not, she could really use a good banging, if you’re up for it Cable I’m sure-” she stopped him by using her foot to dig the pen further into his spine, Wade yelled out in pain as blood started swelling out from the wound.
  “Little extreme, isn’t it?” Nathan asked, cocking his head to the side, a smile forming in the corner of his mouth.
“He’s my brother and he can regenerate, I’m not worried,”
“Ooh Hayden, didn’t know that you were a sadist- I’m sure Cable doesn’t mind it rough like any tough strong daddy-”
“Ignore him, he’s just babbling again,”
“Seriously guys, I think I need a wheelchair,” Wade groaned. “Oh I know! Let’s get Xavier’s, that one’s great!”
Nathan leaned closer to Hayden feeling a bizarre wave of confidence flood through him and spoke in his gruff voice only loud enough for her to hear.
“I’m all yours, any time, any place, you name it. I’m yours,” and with that he walked away, Hayden’s face flushed to a deep red colour.
“So does that mean I finally got you two to stop with the eyeball sex and you’re finally going to bone?” Wade asked hopefully.
“Shut up you shithead,” she kicked him lightly in the ribs.
“Ooh yeah mommy,” she rolled her eyes and left him on the floor.
I’m yours. She repeated the words in her head, she felt like she was on some kind of dizzy high; she shook her head and went to hide in her room.
                                                           * * *
  Late Afternoon
                              “You want us to chaperone for a bunch of teenagers?” Nathan asked in disbelief.
“Please, we do not have any other options, other X-Men are not available currently,” Colossus sounded desperate.
“He must be desperate if he’s asking Wade of all people to chaperone as well,” Hayden looked at Nathan briefly before returning her gaze to Colossus.
“Rude,” Wade interjected.
“Alright, we’ll do it,” Nathan huffed.
“We will?” she asked.
Nathan nodded, “But only because Colossus looks like a mess, and no way in hell I’m wearing a suit,”
“Deal, the prom is tomorrow in the hall of the mansion, we’ll start allowing students in promptly at six p.m. And please do not be late; I need you there at least thirty minutes early,” Colossus said.
“We’ll be there Colossus, don’t worry,” she gave him a reassuring smile and patted his shoulder; he briefly glanced at Nathan before walking away hurriedly.
“What was that look he gave you about?”
“Nothing to worry about,” Nathan half smirked to himself.
“Alright,” she didn’t feel convinced, “So, what the hell is prom?”
“Beats me,” Nathan shrugged.
“Oh you two are in for a real treat,” Wade wrapped his arms around their necks and they followed his lead to the rec room begrudgingly.
                                                               * * *
  The Next Night
Hayden flattened the dress against herself and looked in the mirror, the dress reached to her knees and was a complimentary navy blue, she wore black heels that she had bought for herself, the were only an inch or two high to give her some height. And with a little help from Yukio the hair magician and Domino’s touch of lady luck to help do her makeup perfectly.
Her dress flattered her figure perfectly, the low cut was revealing but not grossly so, she took a breath feeling bizarrely nervous and on edge. She knew that Nathan would see her all dressed up, but she didn’t know if anything would come from it, despite what he said just the day before he could have simply been joking around with her.
Of course he was joking, what other reason would he have said that for? She shook her head.
She walked out her room and greeted Wade who was dressed in a simple suit that had a red bowtie, he even wore smart dress shoes and was as neat as he could possibly be with his shirt tucked away and his suit jacket buttoned just right.
  “Wade, you clean up nicely,” Hayden smiled, “I’ve never seen you look so… formal,”
“I can say the same to you sis,” he grinned, “You look like a freaking Disney princess, all gorgeous and dressed up,” he gave her a wink, “Speaking of which, where’s your prince charming?”
“I thought he’d already gone ahead, seeing as how he wasn’t going to wear a suit,” she said with a shrug.
“You didn’t deny that he’s your prince,” Wade smirked, but before she could interject he yelled, “HEY CABLE, YOU COMING OR WHAT?”
“I’LL CATCH YOU GUYS THERE, JUST NEED TO DO A FEW THINGS,” he yelled back.
Hayden and Wade both looked at each other puzzled but shrugged and decided that they needed to get going before Colossus had a breakdown.
                          Nathan looked himself up and down in the mirror, his cyborg half glowing in certain spots and frowned, he touched the metal shoulder and ran his fingers down to his wrist.
Who am I kidding? She’d never go for a freak like me. I’m not going to this stupid thing.
‘You are merely a project, a somewhat ideal design of what man and robot can be’
As crazy as that doctor was Nathan couldn’t help but recall those words. He threw the suit bag back onto the side of the bed and then threw himself back onto it as well.
No matter how good I can dress up it doesn’t matter, she’s still going to see the monster underneath it all.
He covered his face with his hands and felt a few hot tears run from his eyes, it was no wonder to him why this ‘prom’ thing no longer existed in the future, it only made people’s insecurities and emotions run on an all-time uncontrollable high with no real good to come from it in the end.
What happened to that bravado from yesterday Cable? Jesus Christ, what is this woman doing to me?
                                                              * * *
  “Thank goodness you are here, we have much to do- first the punch; Hades could you?” Colossus asked.
“Of course,” she nodded and smiled, “And you look great Colossus,”
“Hey, why am I not assigned to punch duty?” Wade whined.
“Simple reason that you have flask of alcohol hidden in your suit jacket,” he poked at the slight bulge in the jacket and it made a metallic sound. “And thank you Hades, apologies for being so distracted, I want this to be perfect for students. You look beautiful as ever,” he quickly looked over his shoulder looking scared, “Where is Cable?”
“Said he was going to show up a bit later,” Wade shrugged, “And for your information this is water,”
“Yeah its water, if this were a world where water was vodka,”
“As long as he arrives at some point, I do not wish for Ellie to feel need to help us, she and Yukio must enjoy their prom together,” Colossus said
  "What's so great about prom anyway?" Hayden asked as she poured the fruit mixture into a huge glass bowl.
“Absolutely nothing, I mean if you really think about it, anyone who had a good time either had sex and the relationship didn’t move on from there. Or they got totally wasted and don’t remember jack from the night, then suffer a shitty hangover the next day,”
“For once I can agree with Wade, however, there is one good thing,” Colossus spoke as he placed the speaker onto the ground near the small stage.
“Oh really Metallica, what is that then?” Wade asked with his hands on his hips.
“Enjoying the evening with your friends and having fun, and no not the fun that you’re thinking of Wade,”
“Well that’s a fairly one sided point of view,” Hayden said as she added the ice to the bowl.
“How so?” Colossus asked.
“What if you don’t have friends?”
  The men went silent for a moment before Wade came around and wrapped an arm over Hayden’s shoulder. “You have something better than friends now,”
“I do?” she looked at him.
“My new favourite F word, Family,” he gave her shoulders a squeeze.
“I guess I do,” she smiled.
A door opened from the far end of the hall and in walked Ellie wearing black flats and a suit that fitted her form just the right way, Wade opened his mouth to say something but she raised her hand.
“Colossus I have terrible news, well for you, I don’t really give a damn but this might be important,”
“What is it Ellie?”
“The live band performers called to say that they’re running thirty minutes late, anyway I’ve gotta go- Yukio needs help with her dress,”
“Nyet,” his eyes widened as Ellie left the hall once again.
________________________________________________________________
>> Chapter 29 <<
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driusha · 6 years ago
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Dictionary of Obscure Sexual Terms
Angry Dragon Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon. Arabian Goggles A "seldom-seen" maneuver when you put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head. (Picture it: ass on forehead) It may be anatomically impossible, but what the fuck else is new. The Bait N' Tackle The sailors used this one in the old Navy days. Before you go off for a long, lonely voyage, get yourself a tall jar and fill it completely with earthworms. When you get lonely, open the jar and fuck away. The earthworms will provide some slithery stimulation, and your protein load will keep them nicely fed. Gone fishing! Ballsacking Takes some luck of the gene pool, but if you're able to do it, always great fun. While you are straddling her, take your nutsack and spread it out over her face like pizza dough. Bear Claw A synonym for extremely large pussy lips. Beef Curtain The shanked out remains of the labia after being stretched like Play-Doh from an hour or so of jimmy-jam. Beer Dick This is what most guys get after a good night of drinking. They tend to fuck anything with a pussy while experiencing beer dick. Blumpy You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter. The Bronco You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits as tight as possible and yell another girls name. This gives you the feeling of riding a wild bronco as she desperately tries to buck you off. Brown Bagging It Sometimes you meet a girl with a body like there's no tomorrow but a face like a mangy dog. Don't let that body go to waste and let her hideousness stop you from fucking her though. Just draw the smiley face on a brown paper bag, place it over her head, and fuck away while keeping your composure and piece of mind. Brown Necktie You're about halfway through ass-wrecking a chick, and instead of filling up her keister with your demonseed, you pull out and proceed to tittie fuck her, leaving a brown streak between the funbags. Brunski When a man puts his face between a woman's breasts and quickly moves his head back and forth while saying "Brunski" in a very drawn out and exaggerated manner. (There are many other variant names.) The Bullwinkle The sign given to a friend in hiding while doggie styling' some chick. It is performed by placing both hands over the head, with palms facing out and waving wildly. Can be supplemented by shouting "Hey Rocky." (Make sure to use appropriate Bullwinkle voice tone.) Butter Face When you see a chick with an awesome body, "but her face", is nasty. The Canine Special Liberally apply peanut butter to your dick and call over the family dog. Lick Ubu lick. Good Dog. Arf! The Carpet Cleaner While banging a girl doggy style, tie her arms behind her back, lift up her hips, and run around the room pushing her face first across the carpet. Not recommended with large women. The Chili Dog When you take a hot dump on a girl's tits and then proceed to titty fuck her. Chocolate Pizza Happily discovering hemorrhoids while eating a shitty brown eye. Cleveland Steamer The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman while receiving penile pleasure from friction between the mammaries. Cock-Stuffing Apparently somewhat on the fringe in gay circles, but involves using thin, cylindrical items (thermometers, wire, rubber worms, etc.), and inserting them into the dick hole. Over many months, continue to gradually ream out the hole-at-the-head with larger items, thus ultimately allowing your "buddy" to obtain the goal of fucking your urethra. Wow! Cold Lunch The act of vomiting directly onto some chick's head while she's performing fellatio. The Concoction First, ejaculate all over the floor. Next, have your psycho bitch girlfriend menstruate on your semen. Stir it with your finger until you get a nice thick pink mixture. Proceed to paint yourselves up silly, just as if you were in kindergarten again. The Compton Gangbang You meet a young lady at the bar. She tells you she has a boyfriend, but she ends up going home with you anyway for a one-night stand. When you take her to your place, tell your friends to wait outside your bedroom door. Just when she's about to get off, your friends barge in the room and plainly beat the shit out of her. That should teach her not to fuck around. (Ladies, feel free to perform a Compton Gangbang on guys too. I know you've got some fat girlfriends to help you out.) Cop's Delight The act of taking a girl in the ass, pulling out, and spewing all over her "pastry buns", thus transforming her rump into the allusion of an oversized, quivering glazed donut. The Corkscrew Cross your fingers, middle over index. Twist your wrist back and forth and go to work on your desired orifice. With practice, you'll have the effectiveness of a dill press and within weeks you'll be able to bore through wood. Corn Originating from the fine campus of Cornell University comes this unique, rarely used term. Saying that a girl is "Corn" means, she is so fucking hot, so beautiful, so utterly drop-dead gorgeous, that you would happily eat the corn out of her shit. Can be used as a great pick-up line or friendly compliment, for instance; "Baby, you're more Corn than Green Giant", or "Damn bitch, you are Corn!" Couch Bombing When you fill a small ziploc sandwich bag with Crisco (or your favorite lubrication) and place it between the cushions on the couch. You then proceed to fuck the couch as if it were a woman...but no need to buy It dinner first Coyote This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty wombat and you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful. Cum Dumpster A quadriplegic whore. Cum Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch The once in a lifetime act when blowing a hot steamy load down the back of the girl's throat, proceed to give her a large cold bottle of your most favorite carbonated drink and make her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends. Daisy Chain Partner (A) is sucking off or eating out partner (B) who is sucking off or eating out partner (C) and so on until the final person is sucking off or eating out partner (A). Partners can be gay, lesbian or straight. Davey Crockett A sexual maneuver in which you slip muscle relaxants into your gal's snizzpod, then slide your head in, thus wearing your partner's now-relaxed snatch-fur as a coonskin cap. Can come in handy on those cold winter nights. Dirty Sanchez A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin shit mustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez. Dirty Swirly While boning a chick doggie style near a toilet (preferably one filled with a healthy load of shit, or some hot piss, or both), stick her head in the toilet and flush...she'll dig it. Dog In A Bathtub This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath. Donkey Punch Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass, and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female's ass, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate. Duct Tape Trick Wrapping a hamster in duct tape so you can safely fuck it without the danger of a messy split. Dutch Oven Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass odor by farting under the covers and pulling them over her head (and yours as well if you're into that sort of thing). Dutch Treat The unexpected result of a Dutch Oven gone terribly awry. Can be very messy. DVDA The abbreviation for "double-anal, double-vaginal". This is the term used when a girl takes four cocks in two holes. A hard core porn industry norm. The Electric Chair Your psychobitch girlfriend decides she wants to try something kinky, so she props your stupid naive ass up in a chair, strips you down, and ties you up. After arousing you, she then takes a car battery and clamps two jumper cables to each nut sack. This causes you to have all sorts of synapses, spasms, and convulsions. She then mounts your Frankenstein and proceeds to get electrofucked. Warning! May cause erectile dysfunction after performed. Felching A gay activity which I do not condone at all. It happens when one fag fucks another fag in the ass and then sucks the jizz out with a straw. Only included for those of you who are considering going to jail. *note: never seen it done with a straw... The Fish Eye From behind, you shove both fists in her ass (or his if in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motionsignaling that she has been there and done that. Fish-Hook When you pull back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus. The Fire Island This consists of telling someone you're going to spunk on their face while they are asleep, only half-jokingly, and then when they don't believe you, doing it just to prove that you're that demented. Flaming Amazon This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When your screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, you pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then...extinguish the flames with your jizz! Flooding The Cave Inserting the penis into a woman's pussy and then urinating inside her. Applies to butt pirates as well. The Flying Camel A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees. You very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a class move. The Flying Dutchman This didn't used to be a specific deviant sexual act, it was just a phrase that sounded dirty and would be shouted out during intercourse on occasion simply for the novelty factor. However, its popularity increased and it has now developed into a specific act, namely that of, just as you are about to blow a load, in any sort of sexual situation (even masturbation for those true pioneers who are constantly on the cutting edge of the sexual revolution) you begin to shout, "Here comes the Flying Dutchman!" This should confuse your sexual partner (or whoever is in hearing range) completely, sometimes causing interesting side effects. The Fountain Of You While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before you release and spew like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed) Fur Ball You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, a mammoth hair ball gets lodged into your throat. Gobstopper With two hands, spread your tramp's anus open, then spit a big-ass loogie down the asshole then close it back up. You can give her a smack on the ass when you're done, if you want. Golden Shower Any form of dropping piss all over your partner. Great for those who like watersports. Greek The act of using your "glue stick" (if you know what I'm saying) and gluing your gal's eyes closed with your man seed. E.g. "Hey guys, check it out, I just greeked her!" or "Sorry honey, but you asked for the Greek salad Ham And Cheese Sandwich Eating a woman's box after you ejaculate all over it. A delightful, tasty combination of her yummy meat curtains with your added cheesy topping is sure to appeal to anyone's appetite. Hershey Highway When plugging your girl in the ass, you run into some hot diarrhea. Don't hurt her feelings by getting grossed out though, just pretend it's extra lube. High Dive The skill of pulling your Johnson all the way out of your partner's hole and in one motion jamming it home again. Best suited for use in the corn hole, but can be very dangerous. The Hindenburg When some slut who is so bad at oral sex, you're forced to cry "Oh! The humanity!" as her teeth scrape your man tool. Hogging While intoxicated, high, or just plain desperate, you go searching for the fattest bitch you can find and proceed to ride her like a Harley. Best accomplished with large groups friends. Hole In One The act of sticking your dick in your own ass. Just try not to get a huge boner once it's in, or you'll get a nice snapparoo. Hotdog In A Hallway When laying the pipe, you realize your dick isn't even touching the walls of her vagina, kind of like tossing a hotdog in a hallway. Most frequently happens when banging the neighborhood trick or if you're slinging a small dick. Hot Karl The act in which a woman sucks the cock of the same man who moments earlier was balls deep in her can. Hot Karl Candy Cane A variation of the above in which the man who is receiving the oral cock cleaning gives the woman a reach around. Hot Lunch The result of defecating a tube of shit directly into a girl's mouth. Hummer The well known added variation to a blowjob in which a broad hums her favorite tune while she sucks away. The vibrations felt against your dick will most definitely produce a healthy orgasm. The Hunter Gatherer You and your partner defecate while 69ing. Pretty much self-explanatory. The Indian Cock Burn While a chick sucks you off, she twists her hand around your shaft as if she was trying to give you an Indian burn. The Jedi Mind Trick When banging your partner, you repeatedly shout "I'm NOT fucking you, I'm NOT fucking you". The Jelly Donut Give some skank a facial and follow it up with a swift pimp crack in the nose. The resulting blood and jizz that covers her face bears a resemblance to a jelly donut. The Juanita Special Bean Dip While your tramp rides you like a mechanical bull, insert your thumb into her poop chute (be sure to get your thumb nice and gooey), then stick your brown thumb into her mouth, and slip it under her tongue so she can get the full robust taste of the Juanita "special" bean dip. Kennebunkport Surprise The act of covertly filling your cheeks with chunky-style New England clam chowder, and screaming in disgust as you hurl it between your partners legs while eating her out. Kick-Fucking The act of receiving sexual pleasure from repeatedly getting kicked in the ass. The Landshark The woman braces herself facing a wall, naked, hands against the wall, legs spread, bent over so that her ass is lusciously jutting out. (hint: She might want to wear a biking helmet and some rollerblading wrist guards to avoid serious injury.) Next, the guy also naked as well as stiff cocked, walks to the opposite end of the room, places his palms together and raises them above his head, (thus imitating the dorsal fin of a shark) and begins chanting the theme to Jaws. When given some predetermined signal, the guy sprints toward the girl at full speed with his pelvis-out, fin protruding, and rams her dead square in the ass. The Lorena Bobbit Obviously, this one is for the ladies. When engaging in some hard core booty sex, squeeze your butt cheeks together as tight as you can, and start violently jumping and thrashing your ass around, in an effort to rip his dick off. (To reach true Lorena status, you must take the severed dick for a drive and then toss it out the window.) The Menthol The act of getting head from a woman who just moments earlier ate a numerous amounts of cough drops, thus insuring a pleasurable, tingly feeling on your cock. The Mellon Dive Headbutting a woman's big fat titties. Always lots of fun. Monkey Wrench When some sadistic bitch takes your dick back between your legs and sucks you off. Monroe Transfer When you and your partner connect each other's assholes with a tube. One defecates through the tube, thus transferring the turds to the rectum of the other. The Moped A chick that's a fun ride until your friends see you on it, if you know what I mean. The Mork Made famous by Robin Williams on Mork & Mindy, stick your pinky and ring fingers up a girls ass, then jam your middle and index fingers up her cunt. (Please note: Not complete until you finish it off with a Nanoo-Nanoo!) Moses A man who enjoys going down on a woman during her period. Derived from the Biblical figure Moses, who parted the Red Sea. The Motorboat While performing oral sex on a girl, flap your lips together on her clit, thus imitating the sound of a motorboat. She'll love you forever. Muff Teaser Finger, suck, eat, etc. a girl until she is begging for it. Then rub your stiffy round her golden valley until she screams at you to give her a banging. Right when her frustration is at its highest level, stop and finish with a DIY(do it yourself) handjob. Then leave the room without saying a word. Not to be tried if you want to shack up with the selfish bitch again. The Mung Obtain a female that has been dead for 2-3 days (the time period since death is important). Then place your mouth just outside her vaginal opening. Have a friend jump on her stomach, and try to catch as much stuff that comes out as you can in your mouth. Mushy Biscuit This is actually a very fun game. Just choose a piece of food that you and your male friends like to eat. Then you and your buddies form a tight circle around the food item and proceed to jerk off all over it. Last one to bust a nut gets the prize of eating the food. New Jersey Meat-Hook The unusual method of inserting one's finger in the ass of your partner while screwing her, and feeling her cervix. This procedure is most effective from behind. New York Style Taco Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you barf on her box. Happy trails. The Nixon A variation of the Bullwinkle in which you give two peace signs as your signal of dominance. May enhance the act by shaking jowls and yelling, "I'm not a crook". This is considered very bold and is frowned upon for those with a modicum of decorum. Oyster A derivation of the tea bag which is accomplished by numbing one's testicles with ice and then inserting them in a chicks mouth and letting the tramp munch on them. Pasadena Mudslide This happens when you leave a windy shit between the breasts of a woman while you straddle her neck for a blowjob. (A close cousin to the Cleveland Steamer.) Pattycake While you're nailing some girl doggie style and your friend is catching some head off the same girl, you get a quick game of pattycake going. This makes you reminisce of your childhood memories and eases the sight of watching your friend blow his load. Paying The Rent A position in which the woman is folded in half, knees above shoulders, while the man holds the back of her calves and bangs ferociously. Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich Shit on a woman's snatch during menstruation. Proceed to munch. Mmmm Mmmm Nasty! (Crunchy or smooth...depending on what you've been eating.) Pearl Necklace Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry. Fuck that diamonds are forever shit. The Pig Roast While you're plugging some girl's hole doggie style, (up the dirt road or the funhole, pick your poison) she's blowing your best friend's cock at the same time, hence simulating a pig on a spit. Very Similar to Chinese Finger Cuffs. Pink Glove Hate when this happens. Every so often a girl is not wet enough during sex. When you finally pull out to give her money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove. The Pirate's Treasure While fucking your girl in the ass, you strike a hefty load of shit. After you've found this buried treasure deep in her booty, you scream, "Argh!", like a pirate. Plating Take a clear, glass plate and place it on your partners face, then shit on it. It gives them a nice view without all the messy cleanup. How come you don't see that on any Dawn commercials. The Popcorn Trick First, take your girlfriend to the cinemas, for a nice romantic date. Buy a tub of popcorn, wait until the lights dim, and carefully make a hole in the bottom on the tub. Then, inconspicuously insert your penis through the bottom of the tub into the popcorn and casually offer some to your bitch. When she digs in, she will find nice surprise. Who doesn't love buttered popcorn? Puerto Rican Fog Bank While 69ing with your partner, release a cloud of sphincter fog directly into her nostrils. Purple Mushroom This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to a purple mushroom. Queef A well known, but sometimes embarrassing occurrence. Queefing happens when air gets trapped in a girls vagina, and makes a soft hissing, or farting kind of a sound while that air is released. The Ram When attacking from behind, you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy in those lulls in penile sensitivity. Rear Admiral An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to anything when she is bent over. Then, drive you hips into her backside so that you end up pushing her forwards. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun watch her face hit the floor. You rise to Admiral status when you can bang her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips Red Wings Another name for navigating the moose knuckle with your tongue while discovering the girl is on her rag. Be a real man and earn your red wings soldier! Resuscitation When a girl is asleep, carefully open her mouth so that she doesn't awake. Then, squat over her face and carefully place your shit hole on her lips. When the time is right, you let rip the biggest baddest fart ever known to man and see if it wakes her up. Great fun during those long sleepless nights. The Roddy Piper When getting your girl from behind, you toss the sleeper hold on her and knock her out ala Rowdy Roddy Piper. While nailing your unconscious victim, you get to simulate your life long dream of necrophilia. Now you never have to break into the morgue again. The Rodeo Similar to the Bronco. You start once again, banging a chick from behind. At a pre-arranged time you grab her hair with one hand just as several buddies bust into the room. See if you can hang on for 8 seconds cowboy. Yee Haw! The Rose Creeper Seductively brush a beautiful long stem red rose against your sweetheart's neck, breasts, and inner thigh. Slowly rub the rose along her smooth skin as you tenderly kiss her entire body. After working her into the mood for some deep love making, unzip your fly and pull out your raging boner. Begin to punish-fuck her dumper while whipping her with the rose and screaming nasty obscenities at her. I bet she never saw that coming. The Rusty Trombone This is what happens when you've got a less then respectable female (AKA be-yatch) tongue deep in your chute. She wiggles her tongue as she does the reach around to pump you like a Catholic priest doing an Alter Boy, thus mimicking a trombone player. Sandbag Under an assumed name in a tropical region, you meet a young hottie and engage in the well known cliche of sex on the beach. Just before insertion, remove the rubber (without getting caught of course), and proceed to bang away until you blow your load, without pulling out. As you dismount and prepare for departure, grab a handful of sand, throw it in her eyes, and run away laughing hysterically while leaving her blinded, butt-necked, and knocked up. Especially lots of fun when accomplished during the spring break season. The Screwnicorn When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn. The Seatbelt While one fag straddles his partners cock, he receives a blowjob from the fruitcake on the bottom. Shirley Temple Pour a can of 7-Up on a girl's menstruating pussy and eat her out. The Shocker When you insert your index and middle fingers in the woman's vagina and pinky in her anus. After giving her a few good minutes of double duty finger banging, pull your fingers out and give your index and middle finger a quick sniff and pinky a good sucking, all in one smooth motion.(a.k.a. Smoking the Pinky.) Shop Vac When a dirty, talented tramp stuffs you're entire package (balls and all) into her mouth, and blows you with amazing suction power. Shrimping The term for licking or sucking your partner's toes. Skiing While facing in the same direction, a girl gets between two guys and jerks them both off, thus imitating some hardcore cross-country action. Slumpbuster When a professional athlete finds the dirtiest, nastiest, fattest, most disease-ridden skank and puts the wood to her with the intent that it will break up a slump. Snerd Nurgling The act of moving your anal lovers turds about within his/her lower intestine with your dick. Really popular with the lavender boys, hence the expression, "Oh Lance, Nergle me you Snerd"... Snoodling When an uncircumcised homo pulls his extra foreskin over the cock of another homo and proceeds to jerk him off. Those gays have way too much free time. Can be used at as a great derogatory term as in, "You Snoodler!" Snowball Ah yes, every man's worst nightmare, the dreaded snowball. This happens when a girl blows you and spits the jizz in your mouth. Another definition is when a girl blows some other guy, and then gives you a hot sloppy kiss with some of that guy's fresh jizz still in her mouth. With all those dirty broads out there, odds are it has happened to you. Just ask your friends if it has, cause they probably already know and have been laughing their asses off at you. The Snuff Lovingly fuck the shit out of your virgin or ragging girlfriend and wipe your bloody member across her face. Take a couple Polaroids, show them to your friends, and brag that you're a snuff film superstar. Stranger Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, giving you the feeling of a hand job from someone else. Stranger On The Rocks Numbing your hand by sticking it in a bucket of ice and then jerking off. Spanken not stirred. Strangers In The Night When you and your gay buddy each numb your hand (you should know how by now) and spank each other off. Thus eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else, from someone else. Stingy Nut When a chick isn't worth fucking; pull down her pants, bend her over, and jerk off all over her ass. Sud N' Fud When trying to bang a girl, she gives that same old story, "I not that kind of girl.", "I don't fuck on the first date.", "I'm catholic.", "Stop asshole.", etc. etc... After hearing all this bullshit, you whip out your handy bar of soap. Then lather up her armpit (or any other joint you prefer), and proceed to fuck that instead. Surfing This happens when you nail a fat woman. As you watch the rippling effect of her rolls with every thrust, along with the feeling of being drenched, off balance, out of control, and in danger, you are given the sense of riding the ultimate wave. Swimmer's Ear When a girl is giving you a good sucking and right before you erupt, you remove yourself from her mouth, place your purple head in her ear, and fill her ear with some sweet love seed. Hopefully, you will give her an infection. Tea Bag To perform the tea bag, have the girl lay flat on her back. Then you squat over her with your hands on your knees, and gently dip your nut sac in and out of her mouth in a motion similar to performing some kind of fucked up yoga exercise. 3-Eyed Turtle Basically plug every orifice of a girl in the following manner: thumb in ass, fingers in pussy, and dick in mouth. The Tortoise When you eat out someone who doesn't have pubic hair yet - i.e. you got there before the hair (hare) did. Tossing Salad A common prison act where one person basically chows asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available. (I.e. jelly, syrup, olive oil, etc.) Tropical Wind When getting your asshole eaten out by a worthless tramp, you break wind. Tuna Melt You're down on a chick lapping away and discover that it just happens to be that time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the whale spews tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face. Twisted Sister Have your dominatrix girlfriend dress up in some hot black leather gimp wear and proceed to handcuff your hands behind your back and then force you to your knees. Unsuspecting, diminutive, and cradled over with your ass is in the air, she then gives you the most erotic enema of your life. Now that's some great S&M fun. Vegetarian Hot Lunch A variation of the Hot Lunch in which the diner stretches a piece of saran wrap over her mouth such that chewing (for texture) is possible, but no actual contact with waste product occurs. Wake Up Call Waking up in the middle of the night with the hard on of your life. You then turn to your fast asleep partner and dry fuck her ass into oblivion. The clincher to performing a wake up call is to act like nothing of the sort happened in the morning. E.g. "Sweetheart, what's that on your back?" The Walrus After spunking in a girl's mouth, you pinch the center of her two lips together and hold her nose. This will force the cum to dribble out of the sides of her mouth, thus the teeth of the walrus. Western Grip When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use, hence, western. Westside Glaze Same as the eastside glaze, but the majority of your jizz lands on the left side of her face. The Woody Woodpecker When a girl is sucking on your balls, tap your cock on her forehead. The Zombie Mask While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good week's worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.
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inb4vaughn · 7 years ago
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LPGA, Celebs Team Up For Diamond Resorts Tournament of Champions
The world’s best female players, a slew of golf-loving celebrities and lots of central Florida sun: That’s the party time prescription for the first-ever Diamond Resorts LPGA Tournament of Champions Jan. 17-20, which turns Tranquilo Golf Club at Four Seasons Resort Orlando into a unique, made-in-media-heaven matchup that simply has no peer in modern professional or amateur golf.
While LPGA sanctioned event champions from 2017 and 2018 — up to 36 players in all including superstars Michelle Wie, Lexi Thompson, Stacy Lewis, Lydia Ko and Brooke Henderson — engage in serious stroke play competition for a $1.2 million purse over four days in the Florida sun, big names from the worlds of professional sports and entertainment — from baseball greats like Roger Clemens and Justin Verlander to comedian Larry the Cable Guy to NFL legends Marcus Allen and Jerry Rice — get a shot at their own $500,000 purse in a Modified Stableford format. And it all happens simultaneously, one LPGA star battling alongside two celebs on the links by day, attending parties and concerts together by night, with the Golf Channel and NBC bringing the on-course action live to millions of fans in 135 countries.
Former NFL wide receiver Jerry Rice
This year’s event, the first in a three-year deal among Diamond Resorts, the LPGA and NBC,  kicks off the ladies’ tour season with a bang and promises to be a winner for all involved, especially fans who will revel in the best of both worlds: the game played at its highest level and their favorite celebs getting out there and knocking it around, just like they do on the weekends. The Golf Channel will televise the event live on Thursday and Friday and host an hour-long lead-in for both weekend rounds before NBC takes over for two hours of live competition.
The Tournament of Champions is the outgrowth of a celebrity-only fundraiser that Diamond Resorts CEO Mike Flaskey started in Orlando four years ago with players from Major League Baseball. NBC, which owns the American Century Celebrity Championship — now nearing its 30th edition as a marquee summer event at Lake Tahoe — noticed the strength of Flaskey’s field and asked him if he wanted to televise it as the ACC’s winter counterpart. They introduced him to their tournament director, Mike Milthorpe. “We signed a three-year deal with Golf Channel, and our year one ratings exceeded everything on the LPGA and PGA Champions Tour that year, as well as the Sony Open and what is now the Career Builder Championship,” Flaskey says. “We had something; we saw what moves the needle, what people want to see, and that’s celebrity golf.”
Flaskey ended up inking a two-year deal with the Champions Tour to do a non-sanctioned early season event — 35 players, each paired with two celebs, basically two tournaments in one — which again drew big ratings. It became the blueprint for the LPGA’s first-ever Tournament of Champions this year; four LPGA players took part and loved the experience.
“We knew we had something special and wanted to explore all the available options,” Flaskey says.
Along came LPGA Commissioner Mike Whan, who had expressed earlier interest in the event. Since taking over the help in 2010, Whan had grown the LPGA brand immensely around the world and was looking for new formats and fresh ways to put his players in front of millions of new fans. Flaskey wanted to build on his limited field concept, bringing the LPGA’s “best of the best” instead of a full field event. Whan agreed, telling Flaskey that his tournament “checked all the boxes.”
“I wanted to create something that’s fun not only for the fans, but for us, too. Diamond Resorts asked me, ‘Do you have a party on tour, Mike? You know, a place where you celebrate your winners, play great golf all day, but also have fun every night?’ I thought, you know, we have some great gala parties and parting parties, but nothing like that. So they said, ‘We want to be your week-long party on tour, the thing that people try to qualify for.’ Living in Orlando, I’ve seen their event, so it wasn’t out of the question for me. They also said, ‘We want to take it to the next level, partner with your players, put in on network TV.’
“This event merges two worlds together. That’s cool.”
Whan adds that the handful of LPGA players who had teed it up in the event and were, in Flaskey’s words, “blown away” by Diamond Resorts’ hospitality, the entertainment, the food — all provided free of charge — lobbied him hard to get involved. “They came to me and said, ‘You’ve got to meet with these guys at Diamond Resorts — they’re building something really fun.’”
The feeling was mutual. Flaskey told Whan that he and his athletes loved the LPGA players’ personalities, how they clicked with the celebrities and athletes. Whan knew then that this was a powerful partnership. “My players will have fun, and those celebrities with their own strong followings will see just how good the best female golfers in the world really are. We’re the perfect tour to welcome the fun side of this, the comradery, the teamwork. As each group walks by, you’ll get a little bit of everything. Every player, every group will find its own mojo. Some will be giving verbal jabs back and forth.”
In other words, it’ll be a blast for everyone involved.
“I think it will quickly become the best party on tour. It’s going to be a lot of fun, not only on the course during the day but at night.”
Flaskey agrees that given Diamond Resorts’ reputation for staging over 3,000 top-notch parties and concerts at its venues worldwide each year, the Tournament of Champions’ evening events will be the best on either the LPGA or celeb golf circuits. “You may remember an event that used to be played at Lake Nona called the Tavistock Cup,” he says. “I watched it closely, the entertainment and parties, the level of hospitality, and envisioned that as part of this tournament. Music is a big part of what we do and we’ve integrated it as big part of this week.”
Tuesday evening’s pro-am draw party kicks off the festivities, with Lee Brice performing. Wednesday’s post pro-am party will focus on great culinary experiences featuring great chefs from around the world. Finally, the Saturday night gala headlines No. 1 country artist Cole Swindell performing on the heels of silent and live auctions for local charities.
It all adds up to a week to remember, revel in and root for, thanks to Diamond Resort’s proven events expertise … and the LPGA’s passion for making its tour the best it can be.
“One thing I love about our partnership with the LPGA and Mike Whan is they’re open-minded and creative,” Flaskey says. “They sit back, listen and say, ‘That’s a really good idea — what if we do this?’ And the next thing you know, you’re collaborating.
“We think we’ve created a really cool masterpiece here.”
For information or tickets, visit www.diamondlpga.com
  The post LPGA, Celebs Team Up For Diamond Resorts Tournament of Champions appeared first on Golf Tips Magazine.
from Golf Tips Magazine http://bit.ly/2AlXtt2
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