#WE GOT FUCKING KLANCED

[soadscrawl]

i already posted abt this somewhere else but i was infodumping abt voltron to my best friend last night and went to rewatch the "i cradled you in my arms" scene so i could remember it properly and i paused right after lance said he didnt remember anything and im fucking pissing myself this is a man that is truly defeated like he wanted lance coming out of the healing pod to be like every fanfic where they have a crazy romantic reconciliation post healing pod and it simply did not happen. if i were keith here id flee the country. the look of simultaneous pain and confusion and emptiness is impossible to articulate. going thru every stage of grief at once. how they managed to fit this much anguish in so few lines is beyond me. and all over a man who listens to weezer and uses axe

[ideasarestuckinmyhead]

Okay okay, I have a cute little idea. So I'm a ranter. Theres time when I just start talking about things (most commonly my most current special intrest) and I've been told by some people that I talk so much and fast that they can't understand what I'm talking about and get lost.

So now I'm imagining in the beginning of the relationship Finn felt sorta insecure about his ranting (we know that poor boy is) and then the first time the listener invites him over to their house for the night. He's a little shy about sleeping in bed with them and stuff and they get into bed and he's ready to lay down and cuddle and sleep but Sunflower just sits up and starts ranting and going on and on and on about whatever it is that was on their mind in that moment and Finn just sits there with the most lovesick eyes ever. Like he's just loving life. Like he gets lost on what their talking about but not cause he can't understand them but cause he's just lost looking at them.

OMG he's just so cute I wanna squish him like a bug sometimes🫶❤️

Ranting love.

Finn felt his nerves move all over his body as he got comfortable on the bed. It's been a while since he has had anyone with him on it, not since....Finn decided to just ignore hat and focus on his lovely partner. Who was already snuggling into his blanket and pillows like a cat giving him a cheeky smirk too.

"Don't worry I won't kick you off the bed if that's what your thinking of!" Chuckling was their answer as Finn finally got into bed. He faced Sunflower and opened his arms a bit, they have been cuddling for a while and he kinda wanted to hold them right now. Sunflower gave a loving look and slipped into his embrace, Finn felt giddy by their actions.

"This is nice." Softly saying as Sunflower hummed both looking at each other and then Finn continued. "So anything exciting happen today?" His partner hummed some more thinking of all the things that happened today.

"Well there was a customer that came in and had a cool pin from a movie I liked! It was so cute! It was from Howl's moving castle!!" Reaching for the bedside table they got their phone and showed him the pin, "I was able to get permission to take a photo of it! Isn't it so cute??" It was Calcifer, a small but powerful fire demon that was in this cute art style in the pin. Finn cooed at it, he remembered how Sunflower wanted to show him the movie. It was really good!

Sunflower asked their boyfriend if anything interesting happened with him, "No not really, but there was a debate between two friends in front of the story about that one show you like." This made Sunflwoers eyes widen as they blurted out.

"OH MY GOD! I just remembered that there is this one coworker that watches the same show as me right?" Finn a bit taken aback from the shout they let out nodded, "She tried to act like I knew NOTHING about the show?? Like newsflash asshole I know everything about it because it came out in middle school and I got obsessed with it???" With awe Finn watched as his lover rant about the show, he watched it with them before.

But he never really saw them get worked up like this when telling him about it the first time. He was just watching them, be so in to the rant they were giving him it marveled him really because he was so use to the one ranting.

"AND THEN SHE WAS LIKE 'ThAtS nOt RiGhT' NO IT IS!!! I KNOW IT IS AND SHE JUST DECIDED NOT TO LISTEN TO ME???" Sunflower was erratically telling Finn about the interaction they had a work they almost forgotten to tell him! Basically there was a coworker that tried to tell them that Sunflower was wrong about a tv show they were obsessed with.

"And Finn, love of my life, the apple of my eye, the sun to my flowers! You want know what she tried to tell me about the timeline about the show???" Folding their hands on Finn's chest while looking at Finn who was looking at them with all the interest in the world.

"What did she say Sunflower?" Smiling as his partner passionate ranting about something they loved. It reminded him of how they always listened intently about his flower facts. Sunflower kept telling him how the coworker, Sheila, said that the main characters never liked each other. But really all Finn could focus on was his love for Sunflower right now, how pretty they looked glaring at a wall when thinking about the spread of misinformation about their favorite show.

"-inn? Finn are you okay?" Worry in his partners voice he snapped out of it and looked into their eyes again. They pushed themselves up more on his body, his arms instinctively wrapped around them flashing a smile.

"I'm fine don't worry. What happened next?" Answering caused Sunflower to giggle a bit and peck his cheek before continuing their rant. Suddenly he didn't feel so insecure about his ranting.

[96crewlove]

i got so many fic ideas to write and i actually typed them down i can't wait to be done w this semester so i can cheffff 👩‍🍳👩‍🍳👩‍🍳👩‍🍳

[bifairywife]

istg i don’t cry when couples finally have their first kiss/gets together in a series but by GOD did they change the chemistry in my brain this was insANE-

(more thoughts on reblog)

[worstqueerbaittournament]

Submission message: howdy, would like to submit keith and lance from voltron (lmao)

Submission message: BBC Sherlock and Moriarty / BBC Sherlock and John Watson

Additional propaganda: Now Keith and Lance on the other hand was a whole fucking mess that they then shoehorned in an hetero romance to try and "fix it" but by lord it was bad, everything about voltron is so fucking bad

Anyway this is my Klance propaganda : They were actually bait

Klance's queer baiting by the team was the worst!! We had to deal with NETFLIX ALSO GETTING IN ON THE QUEER BAITING!! If you searched up Kkance during the times for season 6-8, the SHOW WOULD POP UP. The directors would make jokes about it being canon, even Lance's VA got in the joke!

Their queer baiting was the worst for anyone who was even looking for an ounce of queer rep in that show. The only queer rep we got was a man who died after not even 5 minutes on screen, and shoehorned in the credit scene of a gay wedding of a character that was neither Keith nor Lance.

I do not know Agatha and Sophie, so I can't argue that klance was bigger bait or not, I just know voltron was mean lmao. the creators said stuff like "lance will be someone's first choice!" (meaning NOT ending up in a relationship with allura bc she very much chose another guy over him) and heavily implying he would be Keith's 1st choice (or a guy in general bc of point number 2). point number 2: they also released official art showing how super cool and diverse the main cast was! race! gender! LGBT - they had shiro (who was......canon gay but that's a whole other can of worms) and lance hold the sign with LGBT on it and then did absolutely nothing with that w lance at all (he hit on allura, so obvi he's not gay, but at least bi or smt) (UNLESS you count the scenes where he's flirty with keith). I just remember going into the last few seasons being like "klance probably won't be happen be honest with yourself there's like no queer kids shows!! but damn like it so could tho!!! because of how much it's been teased both in the show and by showrunners like I can't have no hope with the way the producers talk about it!" lmao I should have had no hope, but i genuinkey believed there was a possibility it could happen. and actually I discovered after the fact that i think one of the writers for the show who was the main advocate for klance (they had a lot of diff writers for eps, which led to lots of character butchering but ANYWAY) left not terribly long into the show I believe bc he didn't like the direction it was moving in and didn't want to be tied to the show anymore. so it's not like fans just made klance up either - it was written into earlier episodes with the hope and plan to continue developing later, and then just nothing ever happened with it besides INTENSE teasing it to keep queer fans around. esp after shiro's relationship was literally only a flashback and then his fiance thing or whatever got blown up before we even got to watch him interact w shiro as we knew him in present time in s7, so I think they kept being like hmmm klance and the stuff about lance being a first choice before s8 to keep ppl around. also esp bc klancers made up such a big portion of the fan base. then they made a horrible szn and ended it w a flashforward to shiro marrying some random background character who maybe had 1 line? I just remember hitting the flashforward and being like uhhhh who is this dude??? but they did that to hit those diversity points wow first gay marriage in a cartoon or smt idk it doesn't count to me really. so anyway voltron in general is queerbait lol but klance is because it started out as a legit possibility and then they said sike! but only maybe sike bc u guys are mad at us burying our guys in s7 so maybe klance could still happen haha okay now we're serious no it's not happening. anyway I think klance is p bad queerbait and a vote for them is a valid vote, not just u liking the ship.

#im sorry but johnlock is a household name in ther queerbait trenches

I don't know much about blaze runner, but this website made me endure Johnlock FOR YEARS, that ship makes me so fucking angry, and it's so much bait, the whole fucking show is just 4 kinds of bait in a trenchcoat trying to pass as something good, and Tumblr(and the rest of the goddamn world) ate it up like a five course meal. So anyway that's why I'm voting Johnlock

[frostyblustar]

Self-Indulgent Klance Fluff I wrote on a whim:

Keith had never really understood what was going on in his own head. People would ask him how he was feeling, and he never knew how to respond. Most of the time a ‘I don’t know’ would pass from his lips and that would be the end of it.

One of the worst unidentifiable emotions was around Lance. The man never failed to make Keith feel confused, and he didn’t even know why.

The castle ship was cold, and so was Keith. Despite his temper, which he was well aware of, he usually felt colder than most. During the night, the blankets he had didn’t actually do much to stave off the temperatures, and his own body heat didn’t do much.

When he did fall asleep, he would be greeted with nightmares. Fire, Galra, the amazing time that was his childhood. It pissed him off. Why couldn’t he just sleep like the others? Lance, for example, slept like a rock all the time!

He needed to redirect his anger, so to the training deck he went. It was sleeping time in the castle, but not for him or the machines that operated training. He gutted training bots and sparred like he was meant for it. Maybe he was, he had found out he was galra recently, after all.

Keith was just about to slice through another bot when Lance came into the deck, dressed in a plain white t-shirt and blue shorts. Lance seemed surprised, “I heard banging but I assumed it was Pidge working on something late again. Why are you training this early??”

Panting a little, Keith swapped his sword to his other hand. “End training sequence!” The bot powered down just as it was about to take a swing at Keith. “Just uh- Couldn’t sleep.” He wanted to be honest. Lance and him were part of a team, being on the same page was important. If Lance asked, Keith would likely tell him anything. With some reluctance of course, and maybe lacking in details.

“Uh huh… Okay so you’re going back to bed.” Lance said simply as he yawned and took Keith’s wrist. Shock caused him to drop his sword, which turned into a bayard as it fell from his grip.

Keith wrinkled his nose, agitation was likely evident on his face. He hoped it was. “You can’t tell me what to do, Lance.”

His protests went unheard it seems, because Lance just proceeded to start dragging him out of the training deck. Excuse him for this, but Keith did not expect Lance to be as strong as he was. He had to gather up a lot of strength just to wretch away, and even then Lance caught onto his shirt and pulled him forwards again.

Maybe it was from lack of sleep that Lance was able to pull him into the hallway, but Keith kept protesting. “Dude! If we’re going to defeat Zarkon I need to train!”

“You can do that in the morning with us. You need sleep Keith, I notice how tired you can be in the mornings. I never knew you did-“ Lance gestured over at the training deck’s doors. “-This.”

Keith rolled his eyes, “I don’t control my sleep. It’s too difficult and this palace is so fucking cold.” He attempted to cross his arms but his fellow paladin had a firm grip on one.

Lance went quiet for a moment, “Wait, what blankets are you using?” He looked puzzled, which just confused Keith too.

His gaze went to the floor. Lance was wearing Sonic slippers, classic. “Uhh, the ones I was given? What else?”

“Holy crow- Did you not ask for more?? Keith- Just c’mon, you’re about to see what a dumbass you are.”

He was guided down the hallway, towards their rooms. Keith expected them to stop at his door, but they kept going. “Wait- Where are we going??”

“Patience, Keith.” They stopped in front of Lance’s room, and Lance unlocked it silently. Inside was a room very similar to his, but a few key differences were there. There was a gaming system in the corner, and multiple pillows on the bed. Alongside the pillows was a thick blue blanket.

“You didn’t even ask, man! I asked after like, two nights! They got me one of these!” Lance dramatically thumped a hand on the blanket like a car salesman. “I would tell you to go ask, but everyone’s asleep. I could give you mine..?”

Keith shook his head no, though a warm pleasant feeling stirred inside of him. “No. It’s yours.” He had an eyebrow raised at him before his arm was grabbed again and he was tugged to the bed. His feet tripped and he landed face first on the bed with a small omph.

He picked up his face from the bed and glared up at Lance. “What the hell?”

Lance flung a pillow at Keith’s front, and Keith caught it. Damn instincts. The man smiled down at him, “You can sleep here.” Keith fake-gagged.

“I didn’t want to take your blanket, and I ain’t taking your bed.” He wasn’t fond of invading other people’s spaces like that, it was part of his moral code not to. That applied to beds, especially. Lance’s bed felt cursed to be on, it was giving him complex emotions he couldn’t comprehend.

The bed’s owner rolled his eyes and sat down on the bed, taking his Sonic slippers off. “You aren’t taking. If you’re so bothered by that, we could share.” Keith’s face flushed as Lance laughed, “C’mon man, you got socks on. It’s not that intimate to sleep on the same bed.”

“Lance. If I wasn’t so tired right now, I’d be beating you up.”

Lance picked up the blanket, pulling at it while Keith rolled off. He was about to express his annoyance when the blanket was thrown over him, and Lance slid in underneath it too. “Body heat probably helps too, right?”

Keith stayed quiet, trying to comprehend what the fuck just happened. Keith had been dragged to this bed, no, Lance’s bed, and now they were laying next to each other. Lance seemed to be taking this very casually though, picking under his nails and then turning on his side to train his gaze on Keith.

“Hey, if you’re uncomfortable the blanket offer is still on the table. I just know for a fact you are struggling to sleep, and I need you ready for training tomorrow. We have a bet going on who will survive the longest during practice and I betted on you lasting the longest.”

Of course. This wasn’t an intimate thing, this was Lance worrying about Keith being tired during training! What else could he think? Keith felt so stupid. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Hey Keith?”

“Yeah, Lance? Did you bring me here to sleep or talk?”

He was starting to get annoyed, who gave Lance the right to toy with his feelings like this? There was already enough on his plate with the war without relationship drama coming in to stir things up. One-sided relationship drama, he believed.

“Sleep but… I need to tell you something.”

Keith didn’t know what to expect, and he was curious on what Lance could possibly tell him about. Maybe it was another bet or something. “Shoot.”

“I think you’re really amazing.” If THAT was a bet, he would kill whoever set it up. He pulled the thick blue blanket that was over them up to his face, covering half of it.

“..What?” Lance hummed and then chuckled, bringing a hand up to touch Keith’s cheek. His blue eyes were sleepy, and his eyelids were fluttering a little.

Keith tried to find anything else to say, but his mind couldn’t work with Lance’s hand on his cheek like this. When the hand was lowered, he felt like he could finally speak. Then Lance opened his mouth again, and he shut his own mouth down.

“I said you’re amazing, that’s all. I’m so glad you’re with me in space..” Then he was asleep, like a rock. A very lovable, pretty rock.

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 56

hello and welcome to fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

Shiro's Skunk Hair Steals Lance's Boyfriend by @bleusarcellewrites

Lance nods, eyes scanning Keith’s face slowly, “I gotta ask, though, do you come here often?” Keith snorts, fondness for this dumbass making his heart to beat faster. “Charming as always, I see.” “I can show you ‘charming’.” Lance says, eyebrows wiggling in a suggestive manner and while the others groan behind them at the line, Keith just smiles. “But before that, I’m a man of honor and I gotta know: are you single?” Keith blinks at the question and suddenly he's laughing. [Or the one where Lance can't hold his alchohol and Keith gives up a Cuddle Night of his boyfriend to be flirted by said boyfriend just for his boyfriend to forget he was already his boyfriend. It's a mess but Keith wouldn't want it any other way.]

yall remember bleusarcelle...remember 2018.....crazy times. anyway. this fic is fun and sweet and dorky, nice to read when you want to forget how bad vld dropped the ball and ruined everything :))

2. Your Love Keeps Me Warm by crystalklances

Keith is giving him a look, contemplating, eyebrows drawn together. Noticing his gaze, Lance looks up, raising an eyebrow. “Are you cold?” Keith asks after a moment of a silent staring contest. “No,” Lance replies. “You should’ve said something.” “I just said I’m not—” But Keith doesn’t listen. Already, he’s shrugging out of his red varsity jacket, and he leans over to drape it around Lance’s shoulders. ---- Or, 4 times Keith is determined to prevent Lance from getting sick, and the time Lance catches a cold after all.

I MISS CRYSTALKLANCES EVERY DAY, BRO. no one got ridiculously soft modern au keith like he did. fuck. but at least most of his works are still on ao3. i like this one in particularly one because its soft and im a weenie but also because its a 4+1 which is my favourite genre of fic ever actually

3. what makes you beautiful by seventies

MMA fighter Keith Kogane is admitted to the hospital and gets KO'd by blue eyes that rival the seas and a crooked grin that knocks the air out of his lungs. It hasn't even been a minute in the ring. It's a world fucking record.

rare blue eyed lance appreciation moment from me (old bookmark lmfao). but jokes aside i do love this fic. i will always always always every day of my life love whipped on sight keith idc. its so so funny to me. its funnier when lance is like oh! this is my rival. we are going to be ENEMIES FUCK YEAH and keith is like oh my god if i dont marry him right now im literally going to die. also this fic has matt just fyi

4. Lance and Keith's guide for how to cure insomnia by crystalklances

Keith has always had trouble sleeping, but never told anyone. When they fall asleep together after a mission by chance, Lance finds out and offers to share his bed to help Keith fall asleep. However, sleeping together every night has unforeseen side-effects for both of them.

from the iconic INVENTOR of the smitten keith tag. soft klance, in canon. touch starved keith. sharing a bed to stop the nightmares. i bought my ticket on the first word of the summary like

5. love you so bad by seyama [EXPLICIT]

Keith and Lance sneak off from a party to go and fuck. That's it, that's the whole story.

this was bantery and silly and fun. and the little argument over who gets to be the little spoon....shockingly tender and so so them ive read this one a fewww times lol

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

[anonymouszephyrus]

I shared this with my friends today- I wanted to make a post about it.

As much as, yes, Lance most likely loves animals so much. If in a world where he and Keith get married and live happily ever after (canon, in my head), he isn't the one constantly taking in animals.

It would be Keith.

THINK ABOUT IT, OKAY? THINK LONG AND FUCKING HARD hah- Keith took in Kosmo, a wild space wolf thing he knew practically nothing about (Yes, Krolia was there but still). He tamed him and stayed with him through the 2 years they were stuck on that space whale thing.

If Klance gets married and moves in together, Keith is the type to tell himself: "No, we don't need another animal in the house, I promise I won't take another in" and then immediately falls in love with the stray that they found and fed a portion of their food to and goes "Can we keep it?"

And I know for a fucking fact that Lance cannot help but just allow his husband to keep as many fucking pets until they eventually ran out of room and they got renovations to their damn backyard just for the animals.

Yes. Keith animal-lover headcanon. Fight me on this.

[despapillon]

If you thought Klance was going to be a thing that’s on you.

The show was making constant jokes about Johnlock being a couple and also created a character just to mock fans that ship Moriarty with Sherlock.

Spn was too making Destiel jokes and blatantly mocking the fans. We found out Cas is into Dean seconds before he got sent to Superhell.

Will’s sexuality and love for Mike is being actually treated seriously. Cast talks about this topic and Byler with respect, and it’s clear Duffers are putting in effort into handling this properly. The ship and it’s shippers are not being mocked or turned into a joke.

Are Will and Mike going to end up together? I don’t know. I’m leaning towards yes.

But even if they have Mike just turn out to be a straight guy, and we misinterpreted his actions, and that’s all there is to it, after watching interviews with Duffers I know that they absolutely are going to handle Mike finding out about Will’s feelings properly even if it’ll end with a rejection. They spent practically half a day filming the van scene. So yes I do trust them, I think Duffers care and want to make this work.

If you think Will is gonna say ily to Mike as he silently stares then drop dead or get tossed into the UD immediately after then Jesus. You genuinely have no faith in Duffers at all and don’t get what kind of show is this, they may not be perfect writers but come on. I don’t see Will dying. I don’t see them taking the boy whose disappearance kickstarted the plot and the characters put in so much effort to save over seasons just to send him six feet under. I don’t see them killing El, one of two most traumatized characters alongside Will and not allowing her to live a life where she isn’t locked in a Lab or having to deal with UD shit and being the savior, it’s an unpleasant message and doesn’t feel right. Just like them having the suicidal Max cry that she wants to live, be saved, put in a coma, and die anyways. I don’t think they’d kill Mike or Lucas or Dustin either. I genuinely believe the kids will survive this and have their happy endings as a big fuck you to the people so fixated on doomer sad endings where 99% of the cast dies that they want every series to end this way.

ST is not a goddamn CW show. ST is not Spn.

[klance-headcanons-official]

Klance headcannons hehhehe

lance likes to watch sports but keith doesnt like to, but he still cuddles up next to him while lance is watching. they also share a bag of potato chips when they watch together.

lance plays sports and keith comes to every game. when keith watches he gets REALLY invested. Keith yells at the other players and referees (which lance finds adorable).

Lance and keith love to bake together. lance is really bad at baking and keith is relatively good. Every time lance inevitably fucks the baking up keith pulls him in for a kiss.

my new headcannon is that keith and lance both loooove hamilton. i imagine they both love singing it together. it is their go-to song while doing chores.

keith and lance have a tv in their room (across from their bed). So when they are going to bed they can watch a movie together or something, idk.

most of the time when keith and lance goes on dates they have picnics at the same place where they first met, first kissed and got married.

keith and lance have one of those bff necklaces that are a heart that u can put together. each piece has the others name. they always wear it under whatever they are wearing no matter what.

lance loves bringing keith flowers. keith always puts them in his hair (only because lance likes when he does that), short but sweet😃

lance and keith have a golden retriever named: Sunshine. sunshine is adorable 4 year old doggo.

keith and lance always do halloween together. keith likes wearing monster costumes or horror movie costumes. keith loves chocolate bars and. lance doesnt love a certain candy and comes home with things like lollipops to sour gummies

keith and lance both love going on those public playgrounds at parks. they especially love slides and flying foxes. they own a ball-pit and a trampoline because they love playgrounds that much. lance made the decision to buy the trampoline and ball-pit and is usually the one to say "LOOK ITS A PLAYGROUND! keith plssss can we go on it? pls pls pls pls?????"

every sunday keith and lance have a day called 'Lets Do Shit Day'. they basically have a road-trip and stop and random places along the way. i will be incorporating this into my schedule.

keith would like ebony black and lance would like maya blue.

Lance wears perfume, specifically very flowery type smells. keith likes the smells of his perfume. lance alternates between 4 bottles.

lance and keith both have tumblr.

the 'voltron crew' has a dnd campaign together. each of them plays a character that has completed different traits to their own.

Lance loooves wearing disney shirts. especially disney princesses shirts that are like two sizes to small.

Lance has very cute coffee mugs

Lance and keith def play two player videoganes together. they always end in yelling stuff like "YOU WERE MEANT TELL BE THERE" or "I GAVE IT TO YOU WHERE IS IT?" but it always ends in kissy kissy.

keith listens true true crime podcasts and documentaries on the tv in their bedroom. but lance HATES true crime. so whenever keith puts it on lance runs out if the room, screaming"NOOOOOO" and then keith has to chase after him.

lance loooves sandals and crocks, they are his life!!! on the other hand keith likes dark high top converses!

c o l l e c t i v e h e a d c a n o n s

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

I finally did it yall I made a list of my favorite Cartmanisms bc I do in fact very much enjoy writing his out of pocket ass

“Oh speaking of,” Cartman added, “let’s just sacrifice the Insulin Bitch and the brain damaged hippie to the zaliens so the rest of us can make a run for it.”

Eric was scowling. “Only I’M allowed to make comments about you two gayasses. I say we wipe the floor with those homophobes.”

“I doubt they’ll have a vest in your size, Thumbulimia.”

“Please, I have better things to do than watch the Jew have a Post Traumatic Spider Disorder episode.”

Cartman rolled his eyes, but got up to drop a five in the Fuckwad Jar. “I hate you guys, seriously. Marj, you weren’t even in the room for the Nancy joke.” The lace trim of his robe fluttered as he sat back down, which made Stan laugh again. “What’s so funny, hippie?” There weren’t really words, honestly, but he’d try. “I just… I never want us to change, you know?” “Gay.”

Eric sung a few lines of ‘Jesus Loves The Little Children’ in a creepy horror movie voice and then sprung out from his hiding spot and started blasting on an unsuspecting youth who got too close, chasing him down the field with rarely shown athleticism.

Cartman looked incredibly bored as he clicked the magazine and snapped it back into place. “Well fuck me for being prepared.”

Cartman scoffed. “He’s not doing anything but staring up at you like he’s Sleeping Goddamn Beauty and you just kissed him out of a coma.”

“Awww, looook, you guys! They’re having a gay little hurt/comfort moment again! What, you gonna kiss it better, Kahl?”

Cartman just rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “What the hell ever, Jimothy. Go stutter about it to someone else.”

“Okay, fucking first of all,” Kyle shot a glare at Cartman, “no one’s getting sacrificed. Literally, that’s not goddamn happening. AND we’re keeping this discussion CIVIL. It’s five in the morning and nobody’s slept very much. There’s not a single guy here who’s actually thinking straight.” “That would be because half of you are gay as balls.”

“Once again, I’m moving that we leave the hippie behind.” “Cartman, remind me to kick your ass when we’re out of here.” “Good luck on that if you fucking faint like one of those stupid goats again.”

Cartman was out of bullets, but he’d taken out a good chunk of the extraterrestrial undead. “Holy shit, Kahl, you better not die on us. Cockroach, remember? You’re a damn cockroach.”

“Aight, so anyway, what’s JewBot up to?” “Still at work. He’ll be home later. We’re gonna go out to dinner with the Tuckers.” “I didn’t ask for your life’s story, buttplug,”

“Oh JESUS CHRIST!!” Oh, great. Cartman had emerged from his cave. “Did I just walk into a stairwell orgy?”

“Fuck you, Kahl. Your recycled dildo and his weirdo wingman pulled me out of a Klance slowburn.” “WHO the FUCK is reading Voltron fanfiction in 2023?!” “Some of us are dedicated.”

Eric paused his self imposed quest to rob every taco truck in GTA and set aside his controller. “Hellllll no. The vampires don’t get my blood without paying me for it.”

“Geez, pack it up, Fiddler On The Roof.”

“Fatass, if he dies in a car accident because YOU made him freak, I WILL kill you.” “Good luck doing that with one leg and a fever, fleshlight.” But his voice softened. “Just try to chill out until he gets home, Kahl. Then you can be a terrible patient for someone who actually likes you.”

“Yeah, hippie. I wasn’t going to deal with you if something happened to your burning bush.”

A certain abrasive fuckwad leaned casually against the wall. “Oh, the Bubonic Jew didn’t tell you yet? I said he fell on the stairs, didn’t I? He just hurt his knee again, what else is new.” Stan made a noise of surprise and Cartman pointed his beef jerky at him. “By the way, I really don’t get why you get so stoked about lugging him around. He’s difficult.”

Cartman scurried off to inspect a leaf. “Woah, you guys! I think I just, like, discovered empathy!” “You’re looking at a plant.” “Plants have feelings too, Khal! Look at your photosynthesizing dildo back there!”

“Like he needs an excuse to get on his high horse about shit.” “I’ll kick your fat ass,” Kyle warned. “Good luck, tinkerbell.”

Cartman had planted himself into the passenger seat, munching away at that bag of funyuns. He glanced back. “What’s the ‘sitch, Ken-Possible?”

“Because, you pussy,” Cartman said with a false saccharine smile, “you have the biggest TikTok following from your gayass little songs.

“Yep.” Cartman said through a mouthful of eggs. “Plus, Clyde has an affair going with the town vet, Butters is a total twink, and Stanny boy has a boner for the Jew.”

Oh dear god. Cartman was NOT about to babysit the argumentative dickhole while the housekeeper worked. As much fun as he was to fight with, Kyle was a fierce opponent, and Cartman wasn’t really in the mood. He’d had a weird night. The cats had been on edge.

Oh, of goddamn course. The OTHER buttplug. It wasn’t a secret. Well, technically it was, because no one talked about it, but anyone with eyeballs could see that Stan and Kyle had a gayass little private relationship going on behind Craig’s back. Good for them, or whatever, but if the Spider ever got proof…

Cartman just rolled his eyes. “Scott, you glucose gobbling ass bitch, I’ve literally butchered two people. I know the human body, okay?”

“The fuck.” Cartman’s eyes widened. “Every single one of you dildos had better be praying that there’s no internal bleeding.”

Cartman put his hands up. “Gahdamn, you guys. Just trying to lighten the mood in this hot air balloon to Hell.”

“Ay! Hippie! The Jew had to stay for basketball so I’m here with your buttfucking homework-“

Cartman definitely wanted to rip on him for wallowing in his own sadness, but the sooner he got this loser to be a person again, the better. “No shit, asshole. Your fucking fleshlight is even more intolerable without you to hold him back. You need to come back to school.”

“Also, I’m telling your little prince of Egypt that he can come over. It’s not like he’s gonna catch your Sad Bitch Disease.”

Cartman strolled around the corner, now wearing his frilly ‘widow whose husband died under mysterious circumstances’ robe.

[ssasides205]

had a realization that's making me insane but we as a fandom weren't angry enough abt sunshades

also, this is entirely related, so I'm dragging them here too, but the voltron fandom was not angry enough abt Shiro's sudden gayness

now, the similarities are these:

both were retconed gay during the second half of their series

both were given their "endgame" romantic interest at the very end of their series (yes I know TOA exists now, but it came out in 2016, 2 years after BOO)

both fandoms became really weird abt those who dared to have shipped the character with a girl (Nico was canonically gay for longer than Shiro was in their respective media, so it's very rare to see those old ships, but they exist all the same)

both fandoms were all too happy to start extreme shipping them with their last minute love interest (the voltron fandom latched to Adam so hard it makes the sunshades seem tame, Curtis way less so)

the differences:

the voltron fandom should've been angry bc Shiro hadn't had any buildup as a gay character (whatever shippers saw notwithstanding), the problem being that if the show had gone with it's original Shallura plans (I saw this in like a commentary on how the show got made), they would've had to make someone else queer (for bait reasons), and they couldn't make hunk queer cause they did the whole thign with Shay, and Pidge was the youngest so like,,, they couldn't make keith queer cause he's the only "white" character and therefore has to be the token straight protag, and if they made Lance queer without makign klance happen I think something would've exploded.

so last minute gay shiro, burry your gays trope included! but oh, don't worry, he gets married to this random two seconds background character in the end!!

the PJO fandom, on the other hand, went through more than half of HOO watching Nico and Jason be like thatTM and then just, acepted will? the same ppl who tell you valdangelo wouldn't happen cause they had only one interaction? those ppl??

what, they just took the 1.5 bit at the VERY END of BOO and ran with it? I know lack of representation was a lot worse back then, but if that thing came out now I don't trust y'all to call it out like you should

like, I remember spending that whole scene being like "who the fuck's this guy" cause I didn't register background characters unless they were plot relevant, and nothing about that scene was all that romantic either

it makes me so angry, and when they announced the show I hoped they'd make it as close to the books as possible bc then maybe more ppl would see it two, but apparently Riordan added to the first series post-fact? and the tv series is already making changes?? and they'll probably work sunshades into it earlier bc of TSATS but gods, even if they don't it might still not happen, bc y'all just settle for scraps.

anyway, sorry for the rant, I jsut wanted to get it off my chest, and sorry if I offended y'all, I just think you deserved better.

[binart]

BINA WHAT??? YOU HAVE OCS?????? TELL ME MORE I LOVE OC CONTENT (Klance will forever feed me BUT-) THEY LOOK SO CUTE WHO. ARE. THEY.

😳😳😳

.....YOU WOULD KNOW MORE OF MY BOY.......?? TRULY????

OH!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH HAPPY DAYS YES!!!!!!!! I TOO SUBSIST ALMOST ENTIRELY OFF OF KLANCE, BUT OCs HAVE PROVEN TO BE QUITE A DELIGHT ALSO!!

FOR REFERENCE, HERE IS THE PATHETIC LITTLE MAN IN QUESTION:

wait i have too much to say, i have to put this under a readmore

OK!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!! i love him so much and i don't have many opportunities to talk about him, SO YOUR ASK IS APPRECIATED!!!

his name is E'li Leam (pronounced EE-lie Leem) and he's a Miqo'te from that MMO i really like FFXIV 🤩

Miqo'te are basically cat people (WHICH I MEAN. I GUESS I'M A FURRY NOW?? OK), and he's what's called a Seeker, AKA SUN CAT!! There's moon cat people too but don't worry about it.

Seekers have names that start with their tribe letter (26 in total, each one representing one letter of the alphabet), so for example Raha of the G tribe would be called G'raha. Only close friends and family can drop the tribe letter and call them their given name! Male seekers will also have either Tia or Nuhn after their names, with most being Tias! This is because Nuhns fuck like crazy and are the only ones who are allowed to LMFAO

LISTEN DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT

anyway E'li is your typical 32 year old shonen protagonist who woke up ~7 years ago with Retrograde Amnesia and was found in a giant forest by its resident magic rats

THESE FUCKIN THINGS. they're called moogles. if you've ever played a final fantasy game, you know these guys. ANYWAY they saw this random grown ass man with a GIANT SCABBED OVER HEAD WOUND who wouldn't respond to anything they said and were like "hey let's take care of him kupo, lol"

AND FOR MONTHS THEY LOOKED AFTER HIM. ate together. snoozed in cuddle puddles together. got fucked up on Kupo Nuts together. it was wild. they found him with a big ol explorer's backpack, and alongside a White Mage Soul Crytal (RARE AND PRICELESS ARTIFACT ALLOWING ITS OWNER TO ADEPTLY WIELD CURATIVE MAGICKS!!), they found a shitty harp inside with A NAME CARVED ON THE SIDE.........

THE NAME...?!? "Eli". there was a notch in the wood that MIGHT have been an apostrophe?? they're moogles though they don't really give a shit. SO THEY JUST START CALLING HIM E'LI.

Pronounced EE-Lie.

The correct pronunciation of E'li by Seeker standards is EH-Lie.

This incorrect pronunciation of his own name would routinely cause him significant embarrassment down the line.

anyway. They're fond of their weird little man, but after a few months the moogles are like, "hey if he's really good at healing magicks and we can't teach him how to read or write, maybe let's give him to the people in the Quarrymill. They'll take care of him." and so they deposited their Weird Son into the care of the people of the Quarrymill, who essentially hired him on as the resident healer in exchange for food/shelter/education because HOLY SHIT,

THIS GUY CAN HEAL!!!

you wander near him with an injury? BOOM he's there and suddenly ALL THAT AILS YE BE NO MORE!!

whatever life he lead prior to his severe head injury clearly included healing people. he also took to reading and writing extremely quickly, so it was assumed he was some kind of scholar?? Though he wasn't particularly fond of speaking, and learned Eorzean Sign Language because VOCALIZATIONS WERE WEIRD AND BAD.

so this guy spends like half a year there. DEVOURING BOOKS. Learning of the World At Large. Starts longing to see the rest of it.. the Quarrymill residents are hesitant to let their Weird Little Man go, but accept it & tell him he must call himself E'li Tia to all who ask.

(In his mind Tia and Nuhn both sound incredibly stupid, so he decides his surname will be Leam A.K.A LEAF ---> BUT ONE LETTER CHANGED. ((he was looking at a tree when he decided this, and it would ALSO cause him no end of embarrassment down the line)))

SUDDENLY, GOD (A SENTIENT CRYSTAL IN THE CENTER OF THE PLANET) REACHES OUT TO HIM AND IS LIKE HI. LISTEN GO OUT THERE AND SAVE THE WORLD.

E'li is like o..k... and starts his journey to become an Adventurer.....

and then gets to a place called Limsa Lominsa which SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF HIM, THEN IMMEDIATELY GOES BACK TO THE GIANT FOREST PLACE AND DOESN'T LEAVE.

GOD CRYSTAL actually told a DIFFERENT set of people to go save the world like FIVE YEARS AGO, and a bunch of stuff happened but TLDR; GOD CRYSTAL'S GROUP OF CHOSEN HEROS WHO ONCE TRIED TO SAVE THE REALM BUT WERE SPIRITED AWAY...!!!

find the strange little healing cat man one day during their adventures. their leader, Meteor (!!!!!! YES MR MAIN CHARACTER GUY HIMSELF), looks at him and this is how their meeting went:

and SO BEGAN THE JOURNEY OF THESE FIVE WARRIORS OF LIGHT, WHO WOULD GO ON TO SAVE THE REALM FROM MANY DIRE THREATS...

THEN METEOR DIES, E'LI THREATENS TO KILL THE OTHERS ON SIGHT FOR LETTING THEIR LEADER DIE, BANISHES THEM FROM THE SCIONS OF THE SEVENTH DAWN (a group of characters who like.. do good stuff For The Realm and all that), AND PROCEEDS TO SPEEDRUN PTSD AS THE NOW SOLE WARRIOR OF LIGHT

buncha stuff happens... E'li goes to War, does PTSD: The Again, GETS ISEKAI'D and does Saving the World: 2 but THIS time his best friend he made just before the God Crystal Group disbanded shows up and is like "I'M GOING TO DIE FOR YOU!" and he's like "???? I'M LITERALLY INSANE CAN YOU PLEASE NOT MAKE IT WORSE"

buncha OTHER stuff happens...

and currently him and his Best Friend (he didn't actually die) are now life partners who just want to go on adventures and take naps together.

BY THE WAY, HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY HAVE RETROGRADE AMNESIA IN THE CONVENTIONAL SENSE. GOD CRYSTAL ACTUALLY JUST YOINKED A 1500 YEAR OLD SOUL FROM THE AETHERIAL SEA (THE AFTERLIFE BUT IT'S REAL, AND IS INSIDE THE PLANET), MADE A COPY OF METEOR'S BODY, MADE IT A CAT MAN, SHOVED THE SOUL IN IT, THEN SHUNTED IT BACK UNTO THE MORTAL COIL TO GO FIGHT FOR HER. HE LANDED HEAD FIRST ONTO A FUCKIN ROCK AND SHE WAS LIKE "OOF, MY B. ANYWAY I'LL BE IN TOUCH"

when he realizes this, E'li decides he is not fond of god crystal.

AND SO THAT IS THE GIST OF MY LITTLE BLORBO. my pathetic little man. my sweet cheese, my rotten soldier etc etc. HE'S KIND OF A FREAK and i absolutely adore him.

i will continue to chronicle all the little problems i give him, desperate for anyone who will look my way and be like "oh yeah, pretty cool"........... and i thank you for reading LMFAO

[astralscrivener]

Hi someone who went absolutely wild for DSN back in high school here. WHAT does that mean??!

it means that as soon as i graduate grad school in a month it’s over for you specifically

Image IDs:

[Image 1: a screenshot of four Spotify playlists, titled "i'll soar the endless skies for only one...," "falling through a dark sunrise," "i have seen an empire falling," "whenever stars go down and galaxie..."]

[Image 2: a screenshot of a Notion database titled "fic tracker," with the following fics:

stealing our own place in the sun, with the tags "klance," "adashi," "romellura," "multi-chapter," and "voltron: legendary defender"

dark sunrise, with the tags "endless skies," "klance," "lancelot," "multi-chapter," and "voltron: legendary defender"

empire falling, with the tags "endless skies," "klance," "lancelot," "multi-chapter," and "voltron: legendary defender"

galaxies ignite, with the tags "endless skies," "klance," "lancelot," "multi-chapter," and "voltron: legendary defender"]

[Image 3: a Discord screenshot:

necromancer gender stealer: wanting to keep my mouth shut about what im doing versus the unending urge to infodump

deus ex robert: 👀👀👀👀

necromancer gender stealer: DEEP SIGH. OK]

[Image 4: a Discord screenshot:

necromancer gender stealer: started a dsn reread with mar and uh oh besties the brainrot is back]

[Image 5: a Discord screenshot:

necromancer gender stealer: i WILL i love exploring mama's boy lance being The Sharpshooter and then he's like . who am i killing, really]

[Image 6: a Discord screenshot:

necromancer gender stealer: one of my biggest regrets of DSN is that allura got space momified a little bc i was following along w the popular fanon....not anymore !!]

[Image 7: a Discord screenshot:

necromancer gender stealer: and what if they kiss covered in blood. what then

random guard #8 apologist: Says a lot about me that i got this notif and came sprinting Oh I'm backreading rn this fucks so supremely]

[Image 8: a Discord screenshot:

Mar: Oh we ARE getting more messy this time 😈 Messy messy messy

necromancer gender stealer: i love MESS]

{Image 9: a Discord screenshot: necromancer gender stealer: shouldve gone to bed like 3 hours ago bc ive done nothing but w/e [a screenshot of a writing program, which reads: "I'm Galra," Keith blurted. Hunk rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Congratulations."]

Mar: [voltron end credits play]]

[Image 10: a Discord screenshot necromancer gender stealer, replying to a message that could not be loaded: get back in the torment nexus boy]

End IDs.

[vammppyre]

WARNING VOLTRON SPOILERS also blurb of thoughts n shit on it <3 basically a public voltron-centered diary entry at this point bc i have nobody to talk to irl so buckle up!!

just finished voltron and i’m fucking SOBBING. i finally started rewatching it a few days ago (kickstarted by a single keith post) when i had watched a few seasons before but not finished; from my scrambled memories of it as i rewatched, i think i originally stopped around season 7 somewhere?

anyway i had gotten to the beginning of s8 earlier tonight but when i got on our beloved hell site for the first time in like ages i went n followed a bunch of voltron tags and got a eensy weensy spoiler (lances markings he gets from allura) and was like GOTTA GO WATCH BC HOW DID THAT HAPPEN

so i binged all of s8 since like midnight and spent half of the last ep SOBBING. and i am NOT a crier. like. thinking they were gonna permanently lose their reality turned on all the fucking waterworks. allura’s sacrifice?? more sobbing. then crying from relief and also sad (allura) when they actually got their reality back. and then

AND THEN

ALTEA IS BACK?? BUT ITS THEIR REALITY??

and like lance is pretty much living there now and like the way he changed so much AND HIS MARKINGS 😭😭😭 like i love klance don’t get me wrong but oh my fucking god. what happened with him and allura. SOBBING. he literally cared for her more than anything and i can’t fucking imagine the shit he went through trying to accept and move forward once she was gone.

the REAL kicker was getting those pics of them all growing up and moving on with their lives. like i’ve fallen in love with all these characters over the last few days and those 8 seasons. i know yall get the end-of-series effect like this bc like come on we all do but we neverrr get a montage like that, at least not in any of the other shows that i know and love.

like wdym pidge is growing up?? and allura’s gone, leaving lance without her while he follows in her footsteps and lives on her planet? and shiro settled down and got a husband???

literally we got like ten minutes max (i don’t wanna go back and look and cry harder) of the rest of the storyline all smushed together and it’s so much and im sobbing anyway

i love this show sm i can’t wait to fully dive into the fandom <3

[hollow-dweller]

5-10 🤭

it's always you at the scene of the crime

5. worst discord server and why

the answer to this is actually not in spidey, it's this one klance server i was in back in ye old voltron days that was absolutely horrible to exist in as an Allura lover/Allurance shipper. when she died, and klance didn't become canon (because it was never going to), things got nasty and i will freely admit i am still bitter about it! nothing made me dislike klance faster or more thoroughly than klance fans.

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

anyone with a Tony Stark ship, really, though obviously the one I see the most nonsense from is irondad. Tony fans are, 90% of the time, there for Tony, and really focus on him to the exclusion of any of the other characters, including the one that he is partnered/shipped with. as someone who writes for and interacts with irondad because i love both Tony and Peter, who wants to explore them and their extended universes, it fucking sucks to have to wade through post after post that grossly misrepresents or misinterprets Tony, and treats Peter as a prop more than a character.

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

having said the above: Tony Stark you will always be famous! none of these people who pretend you're a soft uwu dad who's never done anything wrong could make me hate you, because that's NOT you!

i don't know there are any characters i "hate" per se, but certainly there are ones i will AVOID because the fandom is so terrible. in Spidey, though he's not a Spidey character, that's Harley Keener. i have zero feelings toward his canon character because he was a child and then an easter egg, and basically has no canon character. but i will avoid him at all costs in fic/tumblr tags, because his fans use him to completely supplant and erase actual Spider-Man characters, like Ned and MJ and Flash.

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

MJ WATSON WOULD NOT WORSHIP PEPPER POTTS ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

MJ "i want to get a little light protesting in before lunch" Watson, MJ "so really this is all your fault" Watson, MJ "i don't want to tour a building made by slaves" Watson would NOT be falling over herself to talk about how "cool" Pepper Potts is.

fandom loves to drop MJ into interactions with Tony where she's snarky and rude and makes "eat the rich" jokes. but then they'll turn around and also make her look up to Pepper as a girl boss.

and it's because people's aren't representing her as anti-billionaire or anti-establishment as a genuine reflection on her character and how she might behave meeting Tony Stark or Pepper Potts. she's an audience avatar to spout a couple memes and jokes, then is unceremoniously shuffled off stage left so that Tony and Peter can cuddle on the couch or whatever. it's about making Tony look cool and chill for "putting up" with her, and to make Peter embarrassed so that Tony can reassure him.

9. worst part of canon

Far From Home, beloathed. its sins are innumerable but to sum them up in as concise of terms as possible: it represents so much wasted potential. we could have had post-blip meta! we could have had the FOS as more than a joke! we could have had actual development of the petermj relationship! and yes we could have had an actual examination of the impact of Tony Stark and his legacy on Peter and his life!

WE COULD HAVE HAD MAY PARKER

instead we got a kidz bop european road trip movie and only head fakes to anything deeper going on between any of the characters

10. worst part of fanon

here's the thing: the idea of a community of people coming together to collaboratively fill in the blanks of a piece of art is, conceptually, beautiful, and exactly what fandom should be about. doing collaborative, generative creative work is genuinely valuable, and an important part of community building in creative spaces.

but the relationship that people have to fanon, is, frankly, completely fucking whack. modern fandom doesn't use fanon to generate collaborative and creative elaborations, variations, and interpretations of canon: they use it to supplant canon. popular fanon goes beyond being just an idea that a lot of people like; it starts being treated as law. people start interpreting canon through the lens of fanon, and in doing so treat the canonical text not as a work of art that deserves consideration and interpretation, but as a static and authoritative source whose purpose is to be excavated for "proof" of fanon, and anything that exists outside of fanon or in opposition to it is to be dismissed, ignored, and denied.

there are plenty of people who will happily admit they don't pay attention to canon and prefer fanon, and while that isn't my preferred way to engage with art, i have way less of a problem with that. people who engage with the original work through a fanon lens first, in an attempt to "prove" fanon, aren't seeking alternative interpretations or elaborating on the art. they're not even picking and choosing the things they like and the things they don't. what they are doing is working backwards from a foregone conclusion to pretend like art has one fixed, immutable interpretation, and that interpretation is the only correct or acceptable one.

the only proof you need of this tendency is the way people lose their fucking minds when you question popular fanon, or, god forbid, point out how it is directly contradicted or disproven by canon. it's a shitty way to engage with fandom as a community, and it's a shitty way to engage with art, and i have no patience for it.

choose violence ask game