#WE GET A NEW HEAD TEACHER JUST BEFORE COVID AND EVERYONE HATES HER BECAUSE SHE'S SHIT

[ask-tighnari]

I have hit four teachers with wet sponges today.

I applaud your aim, sponges are hard to throw.

[weeb-writor]

Bakugou Meets his Future Kids

Hiya! Long time no see! So I’ve been gone a while and today I was actually supposed to post the last part in the Aizawa mini series. That wont happen today because unfortunately even though me and my whole family have been super safe and only go to work and home I did test positive for Covid-19. I'm okay though just really drained and this was easier for me to finish. I'm hoping to have the Christmas fic up by the 28th at the latest, so sorry about that! For now I hope you can enjoy this! The kids do call reader mommy but there is no assigned gender! Anyone, any gender can be a mom!

~~~~~~~~~~~

Bakugou Katsuki x Reader

He meets his kids from the future in a troubling way

Words: 1896

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was supposed to be a normal day and it was for about 10 seconds. About 11 seconds in Bakugou had somehow been wrapped into a trip to the mall with most of the class. Bakugou prided himself on being a strong immovable boulder but when you asked could he come… lets say he had a temporary weakness. Now here he was at the food court as you all argued over what to eat.

“Is there a place that sells soba?” Todoroki asked.

“Even if there is, we aren't eating there! You always eat that!” Mina said, pointing at the boy who looked back a little deflated.

“I think we’ll be okay getting soba, his obsession with soba is super cute!” you said with a small laugh. This had Bakugou craning his neck. Only ever eating one thing was not cute, how could you think that!

“Like hell we are, Come on Y/n were getting a burger.” Bakugou said standing and pulling you away you didn't get far before you all heard someone crying and yelling. You and the rest of the class looked at each other once before you dashed in the direction of the cries. Arriving on the scene you see 3 kids surrounding a boy who was crying while one was holding back a girl who seemed to be crying in anger. 

“Hey what the hell is going on here?” Kirishima said in a scolding tone. The kids turn around and pale probably recognizing the group of soon to be Pro-Heroes.

“Nothing we should be going, later losers.” The kids said quickly scattering into the crowds at the mall. The girl quickly ran to the boy's side still crying.

“It's alright, you don't have to cry, I have a first aid kit if that helps.” You said trying to console the kids. At your voice both of the kids looked up at you before tackling you in a crushing hug, sobbing even more. You looked up at your class confused; they only shrugged at you.

“Mommy! I'm sorry, I took Hiroyuki from school and we followed you and then we got hit with that big scary guy's quirk and then we ended up here and we been here for like 2 days. I'm sorry!!” The girl cried, rubbing her eyes furiously.

“Uh um sweetheart, I'm sorry you got lost but my teachers will help you. We’ll find your parents I promise.” You said rubbing her checks.

“But you're our mommy.” The young girl sniffled.

“I'm not, you must be confused. I'm L/n.” You said, smiling at them as they seemed to tear up.

“That's not funny mommy, stop joking right now.” The girl said, shaking her head, more tears spilling from her eyes.

“Sorry kid they aren't joking, L/n doesn't have any kids.” Denki said, crouching to meet her eyes.

“Are you mad cause we didn't listen? Are you gonna send us away?” The girl said, beginning to cry even more.

“Stop making my sister cry!!” The boy said with tears in his eyes, the tears were short lived as explosion went off all around them. Everyone looked at Bakugou who was quietly watching

“It's not me, it's one of them.” He said with his teeth gritted. The class didn't have time to figure it out as the explosion stopped and they saw their teacher next to them.

“It’s always something with you guys. Hey kids I'm gonna need you to come with me so we can sort this out.” He said offering his hands to them which they didn't hesitate to take. The walk back to the school was relatively short and quiet. Now they were all sitting outside of recovery girls office waiting on some kind of news.

“I think i know what's happened. They kept calling you mom, right?” You nodded at her with a small smile.

“Well while I was trying to heal them I asked them some questions to make sure their heads were on straight. Their answers were very much incorrect to us but also not completely insane. For Example Dynamight, Deku, and Shoto are all top 10 heroes. The league of villains are no more and I'm dead. I examined their bodies and it seems they were hit with a time travel quirk from the looks of it. Not sure when it will wear off but my best recommendation is for them to remain under L/n and Easerheads care, I will check for any signs of it wearing off, every other day.”

“Huh? Is Easerhead their dad! Do you and L/n get married in the future?! That's kind of kinky…” Mineta said with a gross smile

“No, you creepy child. It seems they do like him though.” Recovery girl said with a sigh. You thanked her and went into the room.

“Hey, did recovery girl explain what happened to you guys?” You said as you approached them.

“Uh huh she said we went in the past to where you and papa were students. Like in the pictures on the walls.” The girl said.

“Mhm very good, so can you tell me your names? Then we can go hang out with my friends and eat something!” You said with a smile.

“Hiroyuki…” the boy mumbled.

“I’m Kaori!” The young girl cheered at you. You thanked them and guided you out the door and found your friends and teacher waiting. You led them to the dorm lunge where food was waiting on them.

“So which one of you have an explosion quirk?” Kirishima said as the kids were eating.

“We both do, kind of.” The girl said absentmindedly. “Mom says I make explosions from the heat of the food I eat, I like spicy stuff.” She said with a smile.

“Oh okay cool! But no spicy stuff for you.” Denki laughed at the girl who wasn't exactly happy.

“What about you, little guy?” Sero asked the younger one. The little boy looked at Sero before burying his face in his hands and shaking his head.

“Yuki, has a really cool quirk! Mom says he works like a gas stove! He leaks this stuff that's like propane! Then he can ignite it based on how he is feeling! Angry or emotional means bigger explosions! It comes from his pores or his hand.” The girl chimed in for her brother. He was upset at her words and ran to Aizawa.

“Sorry, we didn't mean to make you uncomfortable!” Mina said as she couched to the level of the boy who further hid his face into Aizawa legs.

“It's okay, kid, Bakugou has an explosive quirk, it's cool!” Denki said with his flashy smile.

“We don't care about that old man's quirk!” The girl said fresh tears on his face.

“What’d you say you little brat?! I’m not an old man!” Bakugou roared back to Kaori.

“You are a mean old man and I hate you! Its all your fault I'm stuck here without my real mom and papa! I hate you! I hate you so much Papa!” The little girl roared back before running back to you crying.

“Papa?” Kirishima echoed quietly.

“Kaori, you shouldn't yell at people or tell them you hate them it's a mean and strong word.” You said crouching down to her level and stroking her cheek.

“B-but it's all his fault. He said me and Hiroyuki were weak and and we couldn't do much because we're kids and it's best for us to stay out of Hero’s way! Like were burdens!” She said growing further agitated.

“And I was right, you followed your mom and you both got hurt when you shouldn't have been near the battle anyway.” He said with a frown.

“But that doesn't mean we are useless and can't do anything by ourselves! WE ARENT DUMB!” She yelled back at him.

“Future me didn't say you were dumb, he, I just want you to be safe. It's best for you and your brother to stay out of the way for now. However, that doesn't mean your a burden or dumb.” Bakugou said seriously. The little girl didn't say anything further and just threw herself into her your arms. Hiroyuki came from in between Aizawa’s legs and also threw himself at you.

“Okay enough mingling for today I guess, time for bed! I’ll be right back guys.” You said as you carried both kids off to your dorms with surprising grace. Once you were gone the group turned to Bakugou.

“Papa, huh Bakugou?!” Denki said with a chuckle.

“It's too surprising! I didn't even know you had a crush on L/N!” Mina said with a pout.

“Really? it was pretty obvious Bakubro had a crush though. Literal tiny explosions go whenever L/n is near.” Kirishima said with a cute head tilt.

“The hell they do.” Bakugou said angrily.

“No they do, I’ve had to stop them a few times now.” Aizawa said with his weird grin.

“I can't believe it though, they are so cute! Kaori is so much like you and I cant believe Hiroyuki’s quirk is so kickass!” Sero said rubbing the back of there necks.

“Well of course they got kickass quirks. With me and L/N as parents there’s no way they wouldn't!” Bakugou said flushed red.

“I'm just glad you cleared up everything with them. It would be pretty bad if they went back mad at the future you, or thinking something damaging like that.” Deku said with a sigh. Finally you were back with no kids, at least it looked like you didn’t have kids.

“So this parenting shit is pretty hard!!” You said as two figures came from behind your legs. They blushed before pointing to Bakugou and then back at your dorm.

“Use your words.” Bakugou said, cocking an eyebrow at the flustered kids.

“Story, Papa.” Hiroyuki slurred out.

“I'm sorry for saying I hate you… I didn't mean it.” The young girl said softly

“You better be, that's a strong word. Now let's go to bed.” Bakugou said nonchalantly as he picked up both kids and walked back to your dorm. The kids remained with you two for about a week and half. You learned lots like you and Bakugou have twins on the way and still want at least one more. Hiroyuki loves Aizawa because he is able to keep his quirk under control around him and they both have an addiction to cats. Bakugou is indeed amazing at everything except anger management. When they left it was during one of your cuddle sessions and boy did you cry like a baby.

BONUS:

“It’s been almost 2 weeks, where could they be?? What if they’re…” You said into Bakugou's chest.

“They’re fine, okay? Our brats are tough so wherever they ended up in time doesn't matter they’ll kick anyone's ass.” Bakugou said, trying to console you. You didn't get a chance to respond before you dogs went crazy at the knock at the door. You yelled for however it was to come in and you thought your mind was playing tricks on you.

“Don't worry they are just drowsy.” Aizawa said with the two kids in his capture weapon trailing behind him. Bakugou was the first to move and was on his knees, in tears in seconds.

“You idiots! Never, ever do that again.” He said hugging him like his life depended on it.

[pagingevilspawn]

Hey my request is about Alex who returns to Seatle and finds out about Jo and Jackson's relationship

i had all and then most of you (some and now none of you)

wc: 1.4k

pairing: Jo Wilson/Alex Karev (past), Meredith Grey & Alex Karev (gen), and mentions of Jo Wilson/Jackson Avery.

summary: during a late night phone call, alex learns that jo is well and truly no longer his.

rating: general audiences.

category: angst.

warnings: angst, no happy ending.

AN: again, this is pretty short, but i wrote it in two hours, so.... it's not quite what you asked for anon, but i tried to keep it relatively canon compliant, since here (as you can tell) Meredith didn't get covid.

_____

The silence in the house seemed alarming to him, not used to the lack of commotion that usually echoed throughout the halls. Izzie was finishing up on a shift and wouldn’t be home for a while, and the twins were tucked into bed, leaving the only sound in the home to be the low, steady humming of a sitcom rerun on the TV.

The appeal drained after a while, and he eventually grew tired of laughter from the audience after nearly every line spoken. Mindless chatter was all it was and all it seemed to be.

Alex sighed, leaning into the couch’s cushions and pulling out his phone, dialing Meredith’s number once he saw that he had missed her call only minutes before. He waits a few seconds, the droning of the beeps making him anxious for a reason he couldn’t place. Eventually, Meredith picks up, her voice slightly out of breath, which he only assumes could come from finishing a long day of work.

“Alex! How are you?”

He gets up from his place on the couch, taking his conversation onto the front porch, settling onto the swing that hung in the corner. “I’m good Mer, I’m good,” he says, directing his gaze to the end of the road, where a car went by, headlights being one of the only forms of light besides the dim street lamps.

“How are the kids?” he asks, feeling a sense of nostalgia at the fact that he hadn’t seen his niece or nephews in months. He missed them, more than he would admit. He had been there for everything, everything graduation, every dance, every school play, he had been there.

But he had his own kids to tend to now, and he wouldn’t trade that for anything.

(not trade, but make some changes. he lost that opportunity a long time ago though)

“They’re good. Zola is driving Bailey crazy with how much she’s correcting his homework, when all he wants to do is go play on his XBox. Ellis is hating distance learning, complaining that all she wants to do is see her friends, but what else is new. Zola loves it, not surprisingly. She thinks school is even easier than it was before, the only part she misses is talking to her friends, but she calls them and everything, so she doesn't see too much harm. She’s started staying after class to help other kids with her teachers. Amelia and I have been teasing her non-stop about being a kiss-up, but she loves it. If she decides to switch careers I wouldn't doubt that she would be a teacher,” she says, and he can hear the car door slam shut and the rumble of the car's engine coming to life.

He laughs softly, “We both know that that’s not gonna happen. Zo would rather get into a bear fight before giving up on being a surgeon.”

Meredith hums, “That’s true. The thought of being anything else almost is offensive to her,” she laughs. “The other day I made an offhand comment about a lawyer being a fun career for her because of how much she loves to argue, and she went into a five minute lecture on why she was going to be a neurosurgeon.”

Alex smiles, practically able to see the image of Zola telling her mom off for suggesting she be anything other than a surgeon. “That sounds about right. I learned that lesson a long time ago.”

There are a couple of beats of silence, the only thing he can hear is the crickets chirping in the distance and the faint sounds of cars racing around in the background.

“They miss you, you know,” Meredith finally speaks, her tone dropping slightly to let him know how sincere her words were.

He lets out a heavy breath, “I miss them too Mer,” the crickets continue their noise, and images of what his life used to be seem to filter through his mind. An endless loop, dancing in his head of a life he once used to live, but could no longer say he knew.

“Well,” she breaks him away from his thoughts, “When all this is over, you’re due for a visit, okay?”

He nods, even though she can’t see him. “Long overdue,” he agrees. “So, what’s been going on over at Seattle Grace Mercy Death?”

She fills him in on the latest events of the hospital, how everyone was adjusting to their new realities, the newest batch of interns, and patients that had stuck out more than others.

It was a funny thing that he didn’t realize until a while ago, somehow patients at Grey-Sloan had stuck with him more than the ones where he currently was.

“And Jo—” she starts, but cuts herself off, piquing his interest. Jo hadn’t come up in any other of their conversations, for reasons that didn’t really need to be said aloud.

He bites the inside of his cheek, releasing and giving himself the courage to finally ask about her. She never left his mind, so he couldn’t see the harm in asking about her —an opportunity to clear the part of his brain that was on a constant track of her if he was able to know how she was.

“It’s fine Mer, you can talk about her,” he says, running a hand through his hair.

He can hear her sigh, and can practically imagine the head shake she is giving him right then “Not about this, Alex.”

He perks up immediately, “Is she okay? I need you to tell me if she’s not okay Mer,” he demanded, his voice firm, only a trace of worry present if anyone were to listen closely.

(he felt like Elsa, conceal don’t feel)

“What? No,” she scoffs. “Jo’s fine, though I don’t really think you have the right to care about how she is anymore Alex, considering you’re the one that left her,” she scolds him, and he can hear the disappointment in her voice, no matter how hard she tried to hide it.

He lets out a heavy breath, trying to fight back the urge to explain himself to her, which would end up in a loud argument of why he shouldn’t have done what he had. He’d had it before, and each time it sent him to bed with all the what if’s playing out in the forefront of his mind.

Except he didn’t live a life of what if’s, he was living a life of right now.

“I know Mer,” he can hear the heaviness in his words, and she must too, since she relents her lecture on him, and he knows that it’ll just come up at another time.

“She’s sleeping with Jackson,” she says it so casually that he almost thinks that she’s joking, but realizes that she’s not when she stays silent.

“...Oh.”

“Yeah.”

He can feel the tenseness of the air, even though they are thousands of miles apart. He clears his throat after a few minutes have passed. “Are they together, or…?” he trails off, unsure of how he’s supposed to feel.

He left her. He left her. He left her. He wants to say that he’s upset that she’s already moved on, but there he was, sleeping in the same bed as his ex-wife and raising their children together, all while they were still married. He couldn’t really have an opinion, because he was the one who ended their relationship in the most cowardly way possible, through a letter sent in the mail, not even giving her the courtesy to tell her the truth to her face.

“No, they’re doing a friends with benefits sort of thing.”

He nods, trying to think of something to say. “Is she happy?” he settles on.

“Not like she once was, but I think she’s getting back there.”

The ache in his heart grows a bit more, because some selfish part of him wants her to only be able to be happy with him, as unfair and cruel as it is. But he smiles bitterly, and the larger part of him is happy for her, happy that she is finally able to have someone make her laugh and smile again.

The sight of headlights coming up the driveway breaks him away from his own mind, and he knows this conversation will have to be finished at another time.

“You did this to yourself Alex,” she says, as if she knows exactly what he’s thinking.

“I know.”

They both hang up, and he greets Izzie with a smile and a kiss on the cheek, wishing that the woman he was curled up on the couch with was someone else.

But it wasn’t, because he made his choice, and now he had to face the reality of a life he chose to live.

[anonymous-swiftie]

If you are on twitter, please retweet this:

https://twitter.com/ASwiftie00/status/1334245577933148164?s=19

Dear #Swifties,

I'm new on tumblr, and I really don't know how to use it.

I know you are the best supporters of the music industry and I'm here to ask your help.

I'm fighting with a crippling depression, that due this covid situation just got worse.

I'm at my lowest, I truly don't know if I will make it through this time.

I always dreamed to talk to Taylor, since I was a teenager. She is the only one that make me feel like I do fit in this world.

I've created this account because I know she is very active here, and I'm trying to reach her with this part of my story.

You can read everything below.

I didn't write any personal information because I don't want this to be seen by my family or somebody that can recognise me.

I don't want upset anyone.

I know that everyone hope to meet or chat with her, and so you are probably wondering why you have to share this here.

You're totally right, maybe it's a stupid idea to ask you this, but I haven't anything left in my pocket to fight this situation, and you're my only hope right now.

Thank you.

#taylor #swift

*******************************************

Dear Taylor,

I keep writing and deleting this, over and over again.

I feel so dumb to write my personal story here, but this truly is my last chance to feel better and try to overcome this giant monster called depression.

I genuinly don't know if I can make it through this year. It's the worst period of my entire life and i don't even know if it's worth living this hell anymore.

I know you have millions of supporters (that probably write you every single day, and they are all better fans than I am, that's for sure) but I know that you proved, time after time, to be so down to earth and to use your time to read your fans messages.. so, in this moment, I'm just trying to share a part of my story with you.

You are the one that make feel understood, since I was like 13teen.

I'm so sorry if my English isn't very good but I'll do my best.

I'm not very active on social media , because I'm very shy when I have to talk about myself.. but If this could work, I must do it.

I will try to send a letter, If I can find the strength to mark this feeling on paper.

**IF I'M WRITING TO SOMEBODY FROM HER STAFF, PLEASE JUST LET THIS MESSAGE REACH TAYLOR**

I'll try now to resume, because I don't want to bother you too much.

This has been a crazy year so far, and the all the time I spent by myself during the lockdown didn't help at all.

This situation brought me back to childhood.

I spent a lot of my days back and forth in hospitals, due to my allergies.

I had to wear a mask all the time I wanted to go outside to avoid severe allergic reaction (that's why this Covid thing awakened some hurting memories)

I didn't have real friends back then, 'cause I've spent most of the summers at home, watching other kids playing around, from my window, or from the windows of my classroom.

It was so hard to make new friends, because the only thing that other kids saw was my mask.

I was the masked kid.

I was the strange kid.

I couldn't play with them.

Everytime I tried to play with them, the only thing I heard was "oh you are ill , I don't wanna be like you so stay away".

This situation made me start to write things in my personal diary.

I wrote small sentences, as a kid, and that was the only thing I could do alone inside an empty classroom during all summer.

This situation continued  for many years.

I wasn't the cool kid before, I wasn't the cool guy after.

The only things that let me enjoy those days were writing and listening to your songs.

I started to listen to your music thanks to my English teacher. She was a fan of folk and country music and she gave me a pic in which you were singing near a lake (I still have that photo somewhere, I strongly remember the white banner with your name written in red on it) and told me to listen to the cd she gave me that day.

I immediately fell in love (I think I still have a crush on you, I'm sorry).

I loved your album. I loved your voice. I loved the lyrics.

I remember having a "test" in school: each one of the class had to write their favourite lyrics and let the others guess the song.

If the someone guessed It, We could play the cd.

I chose Love Story and I translated it in Italian.

The class guessed the song, and I played it.

After the lunch break I went back to my desk and I saw some bullies that were breaking my cd-album and they started to laugh at me because I loved your music an I loved writing poems.

I was a boy so I was a loser because I enjoyed those things.

That felt terrible, but I continued to love your songs even more .

Those were my inspiration to write and to study english.

I felt so good when I listened to your album and this still happens.

Then I went to a private high-school.

Nothing changed, I still was the nerd guy that always got good grades and I have to say that the first year was quite good, but the second year was the start of the apocalypse.

I choose that school because two girls that I knew from childhood went there.

One of the cool new guys started to spread a fake "news" about me.

He said to everyone that I was the boyfriend of one of the two girls that I mentioned before.

So he was the cool guy and one of the girls believed him and told me to f*** myself.

The other girl was her best friend, so you could imagine by what happened next.

After 14 year spent together, I was nobody.

I didn't have "friends" in that class anymore.

I didn't say hello to anybody for 4 years, and nobody would say anything to me.

Nobody to talked with me.

That's great when you're a teenager.

I hated to wake up every morning.

I had an eating disorder, I lost like 22pounds in less than a month. Got hospitalized twice. I kept vomiting for 3 years, every single morning before school.

During that time I only talked with one of my cousins, who lived like 2 hours by car from me.

He was older than me but he always tried to help.

He knew that I loved to write poems so he started to give me guitar lessons.

I made it through a lot of things thanks to him.

I'm sorry, It's hard for me to write this part of the story.

I still get emotional when I think about this.

On the 10TH of December 2013 (some days after his birthday) we received a phone call from his mother: She warned us that he didn't return home after the last working shift.

I wrote a message to him like 3 hours prior to that phone call.

Never had the opportunity to get a reply again.

This year is the seventh year that he is missing.

That destroyed me.

I felt empty.

I felt like nothing couldn't help me.

I still feel that everytime I care about someone in my life, it will disappear someday.

This have happened several other times.

You know when ignorants say that men don't cry, is real bullshit. Men cry. I cried a lot.

I wrote so many poems , lyrics, thoughts in that period of time, that I destroyed my hands.

That was the only way to close my eyes and let me reach another reality because the real one was way too much for me.

Be a sensible man in this world is somehow a curse.

All these things made me afraid  even to hug someone 'cause I feel I'm too ugly or just to scared to be refused.

I will stop here my story, but there's so much more to tell.

I make it through all of these things and memories because I keep dreaming that one day I could meet you and we could talk together.

Dreaming about the fact I could spend a day with you made me find the power to battle my depression.

I'm 25 now and this year I'm not dreaming anymore.

I was going to start again university, I wanted to get a degree in marketing and have the chance to live in the us.

For years I believed that I would make it and hopefully be part of your marketing team.

I'm so stupid. All these years I kept dreaming to avoid pain.

I wanted to pursue my passion and continue to write lyrics but all I was doing was putting myself in unrealistic realities.

This covid situation made everything clear.

When everyone had someone to facetime (or video call) I was alone.

When everyone had someone asking them "how are you?" I only had myself looking in the mirror saying: "Will I ever feel better?"

I've never been the one for anybody, and I think I'll never be.

I won't be the one among all your fans to realize his dream.

Nobody likes me, and I'm exposing myself once again just because I want the opportunity to smile at something that could happen to me.

I'm tired to smile only for others best moments.

I've always seen the sun through a window.

I want to feel happy.

I want to burn my face with the sun.

I'm so sick of hiding my pain,

sick to cry when I'm alone in my car before going to work,

sick to let my eyes rain on my pillow every night.

I'm sick to say to my mother that I'm fine, just because I don't want to make her feel bad.

It's not her fault.

She is battling with a degenerative autoimmune disease, why I should put other weight on her shoulders?

I didn't give up to my weakness before because I don't want to hurt her.

I always say to her that soon she will feel better, that's why your song It's stuck in my head.

But when she won't be here anymore, how I can go through all of that?

I don't even know if will ever get better for me.

Will this pain ever stop?

Sometimes it's so hard to live and so easy to die.

Hope that my dream to spend some time with you can become true.

Thank you for everything, you gave me the strength to go on for many years.. But this time is so hard to put on my armor and continue this battle.

But is this even worth if thy I try to surround myself with people and I always feel lonely?

D.

@taylorswift @taylornation @jackleopards-thedolphinclub

[laineystein]

“This is new.”

The Boy™️ and I went out for his birthday on Thursday night. His favorite restaurant happens to be close to where we both grew up so we drove through the same neighborhoods that raised us - streets we walked to get to school or back and forth from the houses we grew up in. Of course, we ran into three separate people we knew. This seems to be a trend lately. It’s like our past, every little detail we’ve been so good at keeping hidden, keeps rearing its head, demanding to be dealt with. One of the people we ran into was a teacher we both had in yeshiva and they commented “oh, this is new!” And we both smiled and laughed and wished them a good shabbat. We didn’t talk about it then but we spent Shabbos together – alone – and we spent most of the night unpacking all of it.  

 This wasn’t the first time we’d heard it. It’s all anyone seems to say lately. When I had a ride to the airport at 4am and my mother strong-armed me into admitting who it was she said “oh, that’s new”. When his Modox parents were a bit passive-agressive toward me earlier in the summer because suddenly I was *everywhere*, I finally got his mother to admit that she worried about our relationship simply because it “came out of nowhere”…because “it’s new” and a lot of our “decisions seem impulsive.”

  No. This isn’t new. We’re not new. Our relationship is 15 years old. This has been a thing - many things, actually - for a decade and a half. I have been in love with this man for half of my life but to the world, even the people we love the most, yes - this is new. And I can’t argue with them. We don’t. We have no idea how to handle this. 

  We were fifteen and sixteen. Simply put - being a teenager means being young and dumb and somehow being terrified and craving happiness in equal amounts. He was (is) my best friend’s brother and they’re extremely close. On top of that, he’s Modox and I wasn’t and am not. His family never treated me differently, even when other families did - especially early on at yeshiva when it was very clear that I was raised differently than most of my classmates. But I loved them and they loved me. They loved me as their daughter’s best friend. It didn’t make sense to explain that I was more than that with their son - especially because we didn’t know what that was. 

We were teenagers! We were intense and fearless and manic and we were absolutely terrified of letting anyone down. We’re both the first born in our immigrant Jewish families. There has always been so much pressure on each of us to be the best - the smartest, the most hardworking. For him - the most devout. We both had to marry well and have big Jewish families. We were the product of generations of trauma - children and grandchildren of families that had consistently escaped persecution and now we were seemingly well adjusted teenagers in America, finally free to live the lives everyone who came before us fought so hard for. It was a lot of pressure, all the time. But together? No pressure. The things I struggled to tell his sister - how much I hated my yeshiva uniform, how marriage and children weren’t in the forefront of my mind yet…everything I couldn’t tell anyone else in the world, I told The Boy™️.

That’s where the name comes from - and those of you who used to follow my studyblr know I talked about him often. I never talked about him by name. His sister always thought I had someone in Israel that I had this big crush on. And I did. When he was in Israel with me I had a huge crush on him. But I loved him in Brooklyn too. I loved him when we traveled to France and Amsterdam and Italy. I spent four out of my five IDF civilians (time off from the military) with him and no one knew. We have lived so many lives together. We’ve experienced so many things, side by side, and no one had any clue. And we watched each other love other people and try to make it work with people that weren’t us. But ultimately he was the one who helped me through breakups and med school. He was the person that literally saved my life in 2020 when my shifts at the hospital during COVID had me so mentally and physically exhausted that I could barely get out of bed…literally. Then when things calmed down I realized, it didn’t matter what was going on in the world, he’s always been my biggest supporter and I cannot and will not live without him and the fact that we weren’t sharing this thing that made us both so undeniably happy just felt ridiculous and unfair.

But we didn’t know how to even explain everything so we kind of…didn’t? It was never “this is my best friend and we’re in love” it was “I’m going to Israel and he’s coming too”. We alternated Shabbos between his parents’ house and mine. All the while everyone is hesitant, almost nervous - this is new, this is new, this is new. It’s not new. But this is the first time we’re admitting how we feel and what we are to the people we love. He’s not just my friend’s brother. He’s not even just my best friend or my boyfriend. He’s the man I want to marry and have a family with. I get why our families are so confused. They have no idea all we’ve done and how so many of the things they celebrate in us - our jobs, our successes, our faith - is because of the other.

  So we have to start being honest. They’ll never truly get it if they can’t see how deep it is, if they can’t acknowledge the history. But how do we explain it? We are who we are because once upon a time we were both really struggling with our faith. We thought we were terrible Jews because we didn’t want the things our parents wanted. I didn’t believe in tzniut. Some days he didn’t either. We were doing things we were told kids in yeshiva don’t do! We were having sex and smoking weed and going to bars in the city because we could. But it wasn’t about being a part of the goy world. We didn’t want that. We just wanted to be who we were in the Jewish world and we had no idea how to do that. For so long it felt like it was us against the world - Jewish and gentle. We didn’t fit in with either but we could be who we wanted to be, together, in this weird in-between. He’s safety. He always has been. When I have a thought and I know no one in the world will understand it, I know he’s the exception. We always felt like we were judged, even inadvertently by people who swore they were being open minded and supportive, but together that was never a worry. So how do we explain that? 

We don’t. We won’t. We need to be honest about some things: about how far our friendship goes back, about the depth of it - then and now. Everyone else is free to make their own assumptions. They can draw their own conclusions or they can just learn to accept us as we are now. The weird part is that everyone has been much more accepting than we imagined - especially his sister. She loves our relationship so much, to the point that we feel bad for keeping it from her for so long. But we don’t know if we’d be who we are now if we hadn’t lived this other life together. We weren’t wrong. Having this one thing in life that is untouched by the world was magical. We still have days where we miss it, especially now as questions of marriage and children flood in. But we’ve agreed that we’ll be honest with our children. All of it. 

I guess a lot of this for us wasn’t just about *us* but about who each of us are as people. We’ve always worn so many labels. We’re completely opposites but we have fundamental similarities. We both love being Jewish. We’re loud and proud, unapologetic Jews. But we weren’t always! And the secret nature of our relationship aside, that’s what’s the most difficult for us to acknowledge publicly - myself in particular. I get a lot of that - often from many of you. I am so so honored that where I am with my faith today, at 31, is something so many of you admire. I can’t even begin to explain to you how much that means to me. But I guess it’s important to note that this was a journey. I was a mess. I always loved being a Jew but for several years I didn’t know what that meant. I didn’t know that I had the power to write my own narrative and live my life as a Jew on my own terms. The strength and confidence you see now is because all of the bullshit I went through before. Even now I am constantly learning. Every day I become more and more secure in my role as a Jewish woman, now that I can define what that means for me. 

And that’s all I want for any of you! Live your Jewish truth! We are all products of so much hardship. We really do deserve to be the best version of ourselves. We deserve happiness and security in our relationships, in our careers, in every aspect of life possible. And if you’re not there yet - if you wake up wondering where you fit into the Tribe, that’s okay! You will get there! Being a Jew is a super power!!! You just need to figure out how to be a Jew in a way that makes the most sense to you. There truly is no one way to be a Jew - no wrong way to be a Jew. Being a Jew, in any capacity, makes you an awesome Jew. I wish I had someone to tell me that but I didn’t. It took me many years to be where I am now. So for anyone who needs to hear it: you’re an awesome Jew and I’m so proud of you! 

[camilieroart]

Testimony of a French person during the pandemic.

I’m the french person. This testimony is featuring my school’s pressure and a lowering mental state.

I have been quarantined at home since March 2020. I have gone out maximum 20 times, always being really careful. For me and others.

I have a constant source of informations on what is going on in France and the world, and this causes a big flow of anxiety. I spent the entire summer vacation in my house, working on my project and being really productive. I didn’t see anyone, didn’t go anywhere. Just me, my parents and our two cats.

My classmates, however, aren’t as worried nor careful as me, and most importantly not as informed or free to act as they wish. So, they have gone out, and been to beaches and seen people, like the government said. Because yes, as soon as the summer vacation started, the French government declared that the virus was gone and that everyone had to go out and pay for stuffs, and spend money, to “keep the economy rolling”. Of course the Covid was still there.

As the start of the school year was closing in and that people in France had been getting sicker and sicker due to the craziness of the summer holiday, we thought that they would cancel, or at least push back the day. But no.

Around that time, I had also lost my uncle and my grand-mother (not due to the coronavirus), and the pressure of staying home this long, and having constant awful news about outside and how there wasn’t a glimpse of hope was having terrible effect to my mental state.

As back to school day arrived, we had made the decision to not send me back, although the government had said it was “mandatory”. However, I have worked hard all my life to get a diploma and go to a good college and have a degree, and I wasn’t giving up yet. So, we lied. Well, not really. We said we had to bury my grandmother and it was true. So I didn’t come the first week. The second, I catched a cold, and couldn’t make it due to the coughing. The third, I had a stomach ache...

My mother hates lying. She loathes it. It was incredibly hard for her to do so. But she did because if I went, I would probably kill my other grandma and maybe kill my parents. And have scars for life. And contaminate strangers.

What about my classmates, you ask ? They all went. I was the only one, of my whole class, to not have gone back. And boy, was I glad I did. I kept talking to my friends, and I heard how the teachers didn’t respect the safety distances nor put the masks correctly. I heard how in the cafeteria they were all sitting at the same table, pressed against eachothers without a mask. At that time, I already had heard horrible things and how poorly it was handled.

One week, as she had one of the CPE (head of the supervisors) on the phone, my mom had the first breakdown I have seen her have in years. She started crying and explained everything. She cried, and argumented and I was so shocked to see her like this. The truth was out ! I didn’t go to school because the safety stuffs the government put in place was bullshit.

We expected me to be kicked out in the following minutes. But, they couldn’t. I had been giving back all the homeworks and assignments I could, showing I wasn’t quitting. So, they couldn’t kick me out for being a quitter, and they couldn’t kick me out for trying to keep myself, my family and them safe. So they didn’t. Instead, they tried to push me into resigning.

At that point, it had been 5 months since I had really gotten out for something else than groceries. I hadn’t seen anyone, friends or even acquaintances for months. The school and news had been horribly stressing me out, and I had my first breakdown. Around a day after, we had a call from the school’s nurse. She asked me if I was okay, how I was doing, if I was sick... And that I should really go back to school. It’s senior year after all. I told her I heard they handled it badly. She called nonsense and stupid rumors, telling me lies that I immediatly understood were lies, selling bullshit and trying to force me to come back. I was very polite, made her understand that I would be trying if the situation got better, and hung up. It took us a minute to understand that she was trying to get evidence of me being kept home against my will and called social services. She didn’t call for my health at all. Thankfully, I handled it very well and we never heard back from her.

Not long after that incident, I heard of something that happened in my school that made me mad beyond understanding. Since the interns at the boarding school were forbidden from going out, the school decided to put a movie for them Wednesday afternoon. They said they asked students about what they would like to see but I highly doubt it. So, that Wednesday afternoon, when my classmates, seniors in highschool, with TONS of homework they had been working on where called in the auditorium for “informations” they had no choice but to go. The informations were given, and they were about to leave to resume working when the CPE and the deputy director stopped them.

They said my classmates HAD to see this movie, it was mandatory. Let me insist on the fact that they were around a hundred, all in a closed space, in the middle of a pandemic. Yes ? Great. So, my friends protested, saying that they had to work and didn’t want to stay. The deputy director started cutting them off to keep repeating some bullshit like “we made that for you” “we listenned and gave you this” “we worked hard on this”, like 5th graders. Until they said “I’m your superior and I order you to stay. Now shut up and take a sit”. My friends were astonished but did as asked. Which was incredibly unsafe and even dangerous (closed space, no safety distances...). And that movie that was “for the students” and “they worked hard on” was a goddamn movie about the Shoah. And I SWEAR TO GOD, there was panic attacks in the room, breakdowns, terrible reactions, and they didn’t give two shit about it.

And a day or so before, the nursed called to say I had to go back because it was “safe and everything was ok”. I was boiling.

After that incident, one of my teachers requested a call with me to talk about the class I had been missing. Very aware of the manipulative state of my school at that time, we were really careful, and a bit worried about it. Turned out it was a call of a genuine teacher that actually wanted to talk about the classes I had been missing and the homeworks I had been giving ! Of course he quickly tried to get convince me to come back, but I handled it well, once again. It was the highlight of my day.

At that point it had been 8 months since I had last been really out.

I had severals other breakdowns, mostly due to the ungodly stress I had been under because of school and news. I had been stressed out for 8 months now, and what had to happen, happened.

I had a burn out.

My mental state was so low I couldn’t even do what I love. I couldn’t write, I couldn’t draw. All I could do was watch shows and movies, or stare at the ceiling for hours. This was incredibly frustrating and scary. I couldn’t do my homeworks, and we feared I might get kicked out.

Then a miracle happened. Which is sad it got to that, but it was one. My teacher got quarantined, and started online classes. I had my first class of the year on November 14th. And I was there ! I answered tons of questions, and it kind of shocked everyone in class to realize I existed and was still trying to follow the classes.

It allowed to get better, and keep a very small following of school.

A week ago I have been able to do my Spanish homework. I am slowly getting better, trying to avoid stress and work as much as I can.

What I haven’t been able to talk about but did happen :

-One of my classmates caught the virus and she realized it a week later. The school said it was useless to quarantine her now and let her go back to class. The first thing she did was take off her mask and lean in everyone she was talking to. -I haven’t got any of my art classes since the beginning of the year. My teachers made the class believe they were giving it to me when they didn’t. I am specialized in art. -One of my classmates have been diagnosticated with depression. We’re 17. Several others have depression tendencies. -The school is trying to ignore us by not responding to anything we send, hoping we’ll resign. The pressure is still there. -We learned recently that many other parents and students had done the same thing and the schools have put pressure on them too. Some threatened the family. We hadn’t hear about it until now because schools are covering it up -Schools are covering numbers even inside. Most teachers doesn’t even know if a kid has Covid or not. If the teachers get sick, they are forced to immediatly go back to school.

This has been written the 22 november of 2020, in France.

Linked to this post

[dc41896]

Small World

Prompt: During a night out, Kenny meets an incredible girl. But what happens when the girl of his dreams is also his new teammate?

Hey guys👋🏾!! Hope everything is going well during quarantine and everyone is safe and trying to stay positive💕! This was requested by @lclb13 and I’m so sorry that it’s taken all this time I honestly didn’t mean for that to happen and hope you like what I came up with!

Pairing: Kenny CrosbyxReader

⚠️: Mentions of drinking, fluff💕!

There was nothing more that Kenny wanted to do after a tiresome day at work literally chasing down a narcissistic, psychotic kidnapper than to have a couple beers and relax. He could practically smell the mixture of alcohol and wings already as he walked the remaining few feet to the bar he frequented on work days like this. However, his mood would soon fall seeing the note on the front door and all the lights off in the usually bustling establishment.

“Due to state mandated rules following the COVID-19 pandemic, we will be closed until further notice. Sorry for the inconvenience and stay safe.”

“Shoot, I thought it didn’t start until tomorrow,” a voice speaks from behind him. Turning around, he couldn’t help but notice the stressed, yet beautiful, eyes in front of him as you crossed your arms letting out an annoyed breath before turning to walk away.

“Tough day at work?”

“Not exactly. I start my new job tomorrow and I just wanted to have a couple drinks to try to calm my nerves.”

“Crazy how as we get older those don’t get any better,” he lightly chuckles making you smile.

“Now that you mention it, you have a point,” you giggle. “Well looks like I’ll just head home then since more than likely every bar in town is closed. It was nice talking to you um..?”

“Kenny.”

“Kenny. I’m Y/N, have a good night,” you smile giving a small wave before turning around and walking away.

Although only having that short conversation with you, he hated that you had to leave. Besides how breathtaking you looked, it was something about you that drew him in and didn’t seem to be loosening it’s hold anytime soon. Plus with everything closing, who knows when he’d get the chance to see you again.

“Hey, what if I told you I may be able to get you that drink after all!?,” he calls after you, lightly jogging to the spot you were currently standing.

“That depends. If this is your way of trying to get me back to your place I’ll admit you’re cute but-,”

“I promise you it’s not like that, but thank you for calling me cute though,” he winks with a chuckle. “An old army buddy of mine owns a arcade and game room a couple blocks up and if you’re still up for it we could go there.”

“Won’t he be closed too?”

“To the public yea, but not to those with special VIP access. So what do you say?”

“Okay, I’m in,” you smile following behind the taller and bulkier man as he begins to stroll down the empty sidewalk. “And sorry for thinking you were trying to get me back to your place. I probably look full of myself now.”

“Nah don’t apologize, you’re looking out for yourself. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

———

“Read the sign, we’re closed,” an annoyed voice answers from the other side of the call box.

“Even for an old friend?,” Kenny asks with a smirk.

“Especially for said old friend,” the voice replies chuckling.

A loud buzz sounds as the front door unlocks allowing both of you to enter the building. Climbing the flight of wooden stairs, you’re finally met with a room that seemed to go on forever from how many activities one could do.

Towards the back were 10 pool tables with five on each side of the room while pinball and other arcade games lined the side wall. At the top of both corners of the bar hung flat screen TVs displaying the evening news and ESPN individually.

“So what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?,” the friend asks with a smile hugging Kenny.

“Work stress. Leo this is Y/N, Y/N this is my friend Leo I told you about.”

“If he said anything bad, I promise it’s not true,” Leo laughs shaking your hand.

“Don’t worry it was all good, and Kenny was right when he said this place was amazing!”

“Well thank you! Usually there’d be more people here, but with COVID that’s pretty much shut everything down.”

“And while that sucks, that also means everything here is open for us and bottomless drinks,” Kenny winks pulling two beers from the ice chest behind the bar.

“Bottomless sure, but that doesn’t mean free,” Leo retorts as Kenny laughs.

“Don’t worry we know. Put everything on my tab.”

“No, I can’t let you pay for my drinks” you reply taking the cold, dripping bottle from his hands.

“You don’t have to let me, it’s already done,” he smiles before taking a swig. “Plus take it as a good luck gift for your first day.”

“I would try to fight you on this, but I have a feeling it’s not gonna get me anywhere.”

“And you would be right,” he chuckles leaning against the shinning bar. “I’m that easy to read huh?”

“Don’t take it to heart, it’s just part of my job.”

“Let me guess...psychologist?”

“Not exactly, psych is part of my background but I work with law enforcement.”

“Oh what branch? I work with FBI.”

“Same! I just transferred here from LA,” you excitedly beam.

“Well a heads up, the guys in the main office here are really good people. Me and my team have worked with them before and I know you’ll fit right in with no problem.”

“I hope so.” Sighing, you take a drink from your bottle trying to ease your nerves but they only seem to grow the more you think about the new environment you’d be in tomorrow. Sensing that your mind and nerves were getting the best of you, Kenny’s fingertips brush against your skin as he lightly grabs your arm.

“Hey we’re here to forget about work right? How about some pool?”

“Sure, but I’m gonna be honest I suck,” you answer as he leads you to the closest table. Setting his beer next to one of the pockets, he hands you a stick from the wall before removing the triangle holding the balls in place.

“Oh I’m sure you’re not that bad.”

Lining up your shot, you bend over the table with top of the stick in one hand and the base in the other. Shooting it forward, you connect the stick with the cue ball expecting it to crash into the others, but sadly it wildly spins and hits the side of the table nearly landing in the middle pocket.

“Well, uh it’s a good start,” he grins as you flip him off.

“I told you I suck.”

“You just need practice. Here let me help.”

“Oh help me as in stand incredibly close to my butt all the while having your arms around me?,” you smirk making Leo laugh from his spot behind the bar.

“C’mon that’s the oldest trick in the book! Rake that big head for something new,” Leo adds sipping on his beer as Kenny chuckles crossing his arms in front of his broad chest.

“Actually I was just gonna demonstrate how it’s done, so if you’ll excuse me miss know it all.”

Stepping aside with your hands up in surrender, he takes your previous position bending forward with the stick in his hands. In a swift motion, he hits the cue ball making it glide across the table until it makes contact with the others causing them to scatter and a couple to sink in the corner pockets.

Although it was a simple movement, you couldn’t lie and say that it didn’t make you feel things. Watching as he bent over, you had a better view of his back muscles and how his tight shirt clung onto their every curve. His biceps grew bigger as he flexed to perform his shot making you wish he had chosen to guide you instead.

“So you just need to have a better grip on the stick and give it more force, then you should be good,” he explains snapping you out of your trance. “Ready to try again?”

“I guess,” you nervously smile moving to where the cue rested. Readying yourself for your shot, you feel his eyes on you making you even more nervous to try to get it right. Aiming for the striped ball, you keep his words in mind as you strike the ball and it hits your target better this time, but misses the pocket from being hit a little too hard.

“See? Better already!,” he smiles playfully nudging your arm.

“Yea but I still need to work on how hard or soft to hit it.”

“That’ll come with time don’t worry.”

“And thank you for being such a good teacher.”

“Anytime.” Meeting your eyes with his blue ones, you both feel as if you’ve been there for longer than a few seconds, but in the most comfortable way. Moving towards you, he sets his mouth to say something, but is cut off by his phone buzzing.

“Duty calls?”

“Yea something like that,” he answers quickly typing his response before putting his phone away. “What do you say we do this again next weekend?”

“What? So I can practice my shots?”

“If you want, or we could do other stuff. It’s up to you.” Noticing your raised eyebrow, he realizes what he said before pinching the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed.

“I didn’t mean that stuff,” he chuckles. “You know, I’m not sure if you giving me a hard time is because you like messing with me or hate me completely.” Softly giggling, you reach to grab his phone handing it to him so he could unlock the screen before adding your name and number.

“Does that answer your question?,” you smirk taking a final drink from your bottle.

———

Sitting in his usual spot, his eyes scan the computer screens in front of him, as he tries to decipher the hit patterns of their new suspect to predict where he’ll be next. Every so often, he’d look at his phone to see if you replied to his recent message, but still there was nothing.

“That’s like the 10th time you’ve glanced at your phone in the span of five minutes. Is someone expecting a text from a girl?,” Hana asks amused.

“Stop watching me like a creep,” Kenny smiles throwing a balled up piece of paper at her.

“Okay guys quick announcement. This is Y/F/N Y/L/N from the LA FBI branch and she’s gonna be our newest member for these next few cases,” LaCroix explains. “Just to give you a quick introduction to everyone, that’s Sheryll, Clinton, Hana, and Kenny.”

“From the look on your face, I’d say you guys have already been introduced,” Hana whispers as Kenny seems to become more red by the minute.

“Y/N I’m gonna have you here with Kenny while Clinton and I go check where our guy was last seen in town. Sheryll and Hana I want you both to check in with our victim to see if she’s been able to remember anything else.”

Everyone scattering to where they need to go, you sit next to Kenny nervously fiddling with your fingers.

“So...first day ok?,” he asks after clearing his throat.

“Mhmm,” you nod. Awkward silence falling over the both of you, the only thing that could be heard was the ticking of the clock on the wall and Kenny occasionally clicking the mouse.

“Hey, this doesn’t have to be awkward. It’s not like we did anything you know? Basically last night was two adults playing pool.”

“Right, and enjoying each other’s company, which coworkers can do,” you add as he nods in agreeement.

“Exactly! You could even say I just welcomed you to town,” he smiles.

“And in a very fun way!”

Another silence falling over you two as your small laughs died down, you both knew that your feelings were already too strong to try to ignore or get over. Plus deep down neither of you really wanted to let it go.

“So what now?,” you ask just above a whisper causing him to lean back in his chair rubbing a hand through his short hair.

“I don’t know, but I’m guessing it starts with us not meeting next weekend,” he sighs looking down as he taps his fingers against the table.

“....well not necessarily. You have to give me my next pool lesson remember?” Lifting his head, your small but bright smile make him feel as if he’s floating as he softly chuckles to himself.

Taglist: @crushed-pink-petals-writes @honeychicanawrites @honeychicana @fumbling-fanfics @lady-olive-oil @themyscxiras @melinda-january @lovelymari4 @literaturefeen @damnitaa @curlyhairclub @renfrewscorner @secretmysteriousperson @fullofmelaninsarcasmandepression @nunubug99 @felicity-x0 @ellixthea @jojolu @jnk-812 @brwn-sgr @captainsamwlsn @wildfirecracker @nina-sj @iammyownlover @chaneajoyyy

If anybody wants to be tagged, has asked to be tagged but don’t see your name, only want to be tagged for certain people I write for, or no longer wish to be tagged just let me know🤓!

[geekkatsblog]

Grey's Anatomy Review 17x3

A truly emotional episode, also Where the heck was Dr Perez, I missed you come back.

___________________________________________

(Meredith Grey)

The belle of the ball for this episode, Meredith. Hasn't she been through enough? They were plenty of other doctors who haven't been tortured yet. But then again without her getting Covid we probably wouldn't have been treated to the Derek scene and possible cameos from other beloved characters. I loved every bit of the scenes on the beach even though I found myself wishing she would pass out some more so I could get even more Derek scenes, I mean you can't blame me they even played the MerDer song, but at the same time I was glad she couldn't get to him stay out of his arms Mer, you can't die no matter how much I want to witness a merder hug or kiss. It hurt my heart to see how broken everyone was, especially for Webber and Bailey who have both had to see her on the verge of death and pull her back from the brink of death way too many times. Ellis is adorable I hope she has many more scenes to come in future episodes and how cute is her nickname Ellie Belly. And she definitely did the right thing giving Webber her POA, he knows when to let go but will still fight like hell if he knows there's a chance of you living.

The scene with McWidow and her was adorable as well, my shipping levels for the two of them have gone up some more as well, but I did think it was too soon for him to be offering to be her POA if he wasn't just joking because I'll admit I wasn't sure if he was serious or not but after knowing her for such a short while not to mention his feelings that are beyond the friendly level for her, he would have done the extraordinary measures that Meredith wouldn't really want to try to save her. He's already invested.

The scenes with her and Richard were so wholesome he was the father she never had. He has loved and supported her from the beginning, their relationship is strong and one built on trust and hes right we do need Meredith Grey. The scene with Bailey was cute as well how she came to talk about changing her POA but switched to talking about her super risky surgery while practically on the verge of tears instead when she saw the previous conversation was making Meredith nervous.

Then there's Amelia and Maggie who have also been sitting on the edge of their seats praying for her to be alright. Wish I'd seen more scenes with the three sisters interacting a bit but the ones we did get were heartfelt and heartwarming.

On an unrelated note when she was trying to get to Derek but face planted into the sand instead was hilarious girl fell like a starfish.

___________________________________________

Tom Koracick

Not gonna lie for a good chunk of this episode I was started to dislike Tom. I love his character for some weird reason but at times his less than flattering attitude gets irritating, but then I realized that he has to be going through some stuff right now between the whole Teddy and Owen and him situation, the $100000 in booties incident and then he was fired from his job as chief of all chiefs. It's been a rough time for him and while that definitely does not excuse what he did to the new doctors it did make me a little more sympathetic to his rude attitude especially when he confessed to Richard that he didn't think he was a good teacher. And then the ultimate kick when you're down he received the news that he had Covid from literally the worst person they could have sent at that time.

Now don't get me wrong Koracick is a douche and all but he definitely is not going to get the same care that Meredith is getting, but Owen just told him to head home and stay there I know he's A symptomatic and all but even they can develop lung damage from Covid and he has no one there who really cares for him like that and will more than likely have to recover on his own without someone there to check up on him and he definitely doesn't have the same drive to live. Why can't he also have a hospital bed. Keep the same energy for everyone you're all on the same team at this point. When will everyone finally accept him into the club, this isn't the first time someone in that hospital has cheated.

Moving on to other things, I'm so excited to hear him say that he has to get over Teddy because he really does, especially because in the end Teddy is probably going to choose Owen, it's always Owen, but I'm not crossing my fingers about him staying away from her this time, because I've heard him say it before and now with him having Covid I think Teddy is going to be that one person who will visit him so she's not staying away from him anytime soon.

Might just be me but I'm sensing something might happen between him and the doctor that told him off earlier. Idk that's usually how most relationships on Grey's starts with the doctor offending the new comer but IDK.

___________________________________________

Owen

Is currently ignoring Teddy as he should be. She's just trying to talk to him as though nothing happened. The way he delivered that news to Koracick though could have been done better. I know he hates Tom right now but he could be a little more sympathetic he literally just told the man he has a life threatening disease and just said it like I know you have a flu that can kill you but go home and stay away from people, as though he has a common cold or a simple flu. This is someone who is a doctor who works with you saving lives in a pandemic and sure you don't have to like him but you do have to be on his team. Owen has cheated twice and yes this time it happened to him and yes he has a right to be pissed but have some compassion man.

___________________________________________

Teddy

Needs to stay away from Tom she only really attempted to talk to him after Owen gave her the cold shoulder, and she surely can't expect him to forget everything that happened so quickly and move on as though none of it ever happened. And like I said earlier she should let go of Tom and let him move on because at this point we all know she's going to pick Owen, it's always been Owen. I know I said at one point she should be with Tom but right now that feeling is gone I really don't think they're right for each other as much as I did before. And lastly I need her to figure herself out because she's treating the real MVP here and if she let's Anything happen to Meredith Grey after she survived the unimaginable she's going to have the whole hospital on her back and I will be mentally killing her as well because no boo not my Meredith.

___________________________________________

Richard Webber

Is now Meredith's POA and as I said earlier I couldn't agree more, hes the best person for the job. And I'm so happy for him being the chief of chiefs he seems genuinely happy again and I'm also happy that Koracick handed the job of training the doctors to him again because the man's right. Training the doctors is a gift and Richard surely has that gift. Enjoyed seeing him bring the doctors into the operating theater and giving the speech, it's been a while.

___________________________________________

Jo Wilson

Has really been having the work piled on her recently between Meredith having Covid and the mess of the pandemic itself she's been buried in work, and I'm so proud of her finally looking like a true grown attending in my eyes and she's doing great. The way she's been looking at babies of lately is adorable, I'm wondering which line they're intending to take her down with her new found love of babies. She doesn't have that much of a plot at the moment which is a good thing because at the moment having a plot includes having a positive Covid test.

___________________________________________

Bailey

Is seeing her last remaining duckling near death and is torn up about it. She sounded near tears when she was talking to her about the POA issue. She doesn't really have that much of a plot either which is especially good in her case because the Plot includes Covid and she actually has a preexisting heart problem so it would be very unlikely that it would work out in her favor. Watching her pride at seeing Richard doing his press conference was nice even though at first it seemed like she was a little upset about him being her boss again but she'll get over it.

___________________________________________

Deluca

Was seen way too little with Meredith in this episode they even gave Mcwidow time with her Deluca was only there for work which I found ridiculous, yes he had that one scene where he was grilling Teddy but that's not enough. That love triangle between him Mcwidow and Meredith is being formed as we speak. On another note I'm so glad to see him back to work again and healthy again and he's an attending I might have missed it but does he have a specialty because I've been trying to pinpoint it and I can't is it cardio? I guess I'll figure it out eventually.

___________________________________________

Maggie

Is understandably panicking she can't be Meredith's doctor because not only is she her sister but she is way too involved. When she asked Teddy of she was alright enough to work Meredith's case broke me. The pain in her voice and face, she feels so much and has been crying the whole episode, Thank God for Winston, he's been an anchor for her. I can't wait until they're able to be with each other physically instead of just talking on the screen. I wish them the best of luck.

___________________________________________

Jackson

Carrying on the work and teachings of Mark Sloan, and just existing really no plot at the moment as it has been for a while, and we weren't even blessed with Harriet this time but there was Ellis so I'll allow it.

___________________________________________

Link

Being a good boyfriend and father as usual. Hes so sweet, thoughtful and caring.

He also does not have a plot other than being a kickass partner and father and he better not have a plot any time soon either.

Amelia

Currently is just being a great mother and aunt with jo other plots which I am also happy for because it means neither of my babies are in the Covid plot circle so far, they're safe for now. Amelia seems so happy. I'm glad for her hope her joy can continue but knowing Grey's it probably isn't going to last for too much longer.

[chinateacup]

Commission for @asrasdarling

So thankful to @asrasdarling for being such a lovely customer. This commission was super delayed thanks to covid 19, but it’s all ready now! 3k of fluff with MC and Asra having fun with their friends!

Fandom: The Arcana

Characters: Asra, Nadia, Julian, Portia, Muriel, OC

Pairings: Asra/OC, (briefly implied Nadia/Portia)

No rating required

“Camping trip, camping trip, camping trip!”

Julian groaned, tipping his head back. “Pasha, I am begging you to stop chanting that.”

“Come on, Ilya,” Asra shifted the bag on his back, and nudged him with his elbow. “Maybe she’s worried we’ll forget why we’re here.”

“Yes, thank you very much, Portia,” Jenna smiled. She had a picnic basket in her arms. “That explains all the luggage and tents.”

The fields surrounding Vesuvia were beautiful, of course, and usually, Jenna would jump at the offer of a walk in them. But as she was discovering, in the middle of summer, the yellow grass was glaring, and the heat haze made her eyes hurt. The sun beat down heavily on the group of five, and she wiped her brow, gulping water from the canteen Asra had packed. She’d insisted she wouldn’t need it. Thank goodness he’d ignored her.

Despite the punishing weather, Portia still grinned, swinging her arms as she led the way. “You are welcome for the reminder. Come on, it’s just round the corner.”

“Traitors,” Julian muttered. “Both of you.”

“Are we nearing this little spot of yours, Portia?” Nadia called from the back of the party. “I don’t feel it’s fair to let poor Muriel carry all this much longer.”

Jenna looked over her shoulder, and winced. Muriel’s torso had practically vanished under the sheer number of bags slung around his shoulders, not to mention the ones piled high in his arms. Suddenly her picnic basket felt much lighter.

“I don’t mind,” he said quietly. Jenna believed it; he hadn’t even broken a sweat.

“Not to worry, milady, because…” Portia ducked under a branch that proceeded to smack Julian in the chest.

“Ouch!”

“Shush you. Let’s see… it should be right around… aha!” She ran forward past a line of trees into a clearing. Jenna followed close behind, tugging Asra after her, and gasped.

Pine trees surrounded them, the shade cool and welcome against her skin. A tiny rock pool babbled on the edge of the clearing, half hidden among a thick cluster of purple wild flowers. The yellowed grass had given way to mossy cobblestone, cracked and slippery, with the odd tiny sprig growing between the slabs.

Asra sighed blissfully, tilting his face towards the sky like a satisfied cat. “This place is beautiful,” Jenna whispered, and he hummed in agreement.

“Ta-da!” Portia gestured with a wide sweep of the arm. “Was it worth the trek?”

“It’s incredible,” Julian blinked at his surroundings and dropped his bags at his feet. “When on Earth did you find it?”

“Oh, y’know,” she shrugged. “I used to come here to blow off steam about… stuff.” She glanced over her brother briefly, smile wavering, before it returned in full force. “…But that’s all solved now, so no reason not to share it! And we’ll get a perfect view of the meteor shower tonight!”

Nadia beamed, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “Thank you for sharing it with us, Portia. We’re very grateful to you.”

Portia shrugged the compliment off, giggling. “Yeah, well, it’s – it’s no big thing,” she protested weakly, though her face had gone very red.

Jenna glanced at Asra. He winked knowingly.

Near the treeline, Muriel had already set up three tents on the cobblestone, tracing a protection rune in chalk in front of each one. An old habit, and one that he didn’t seem to be growing out of any time soon. Jenna set her picnic basket down while the Devoraks struggled to spread out a blanket, squabbling over which of them was twisting it the wrong way.

She exhaled slowly, and left them in favour of the rock pool. The water looked clean and clear, so she rolled up the hem of her pants, and sat on a large rock to soak her tired feet.

Asra sat right beside her, smiling softly. “You okay, Jen?”

“Yeah,” she replied, yawning. “Worn out.”

“It was a long walk,” he agreed, kicking away his boots and dipping his feet as well. His lips parted in a soft sigh, kicking his legs slowly. “This place kinda reminds me of Kitha.”

“Kitha?” Jenna leant her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes.

“I never told you about Kitha?” Asra chuckled, breath tickling her hair. “It must have been years ago now… Such a cute town. I spent a few weeks down there one Summer. It was burning hot and in the middle of nowhere, and so, so gorgeous. So dry they could build their houses out of tightly packed sand, like an igloo.”

“Mm hm.” With her head pressed against him, Jenna could hear how Asra’s voice rumbled soothingly in his chest. His arm had found its way around her waist, thumb stroking her hip in slow circles.

“Anyway, when I told them I was a magician, they got really excited. One of them literally grabbed me by my collar, and dragged me to their mayor’s house. I thought I might choke.” Jenna smiled weakly at the image, half asleep. “When I got there, the mayor begged me to help them with their drought. It hadn’t rained there for years, and there was only one small well for the whole town to share.”

“Hang on,” Jenna opened her eyes. “You’ve told me this one.”

Asra blinked at her. “Have I?”

“Yeah, a couple of times. The owner of the well had made a deal with a demon so no rain would fall in the town, and people would have to pay to take his water, right?”

“Oh. Yes.” He thought for a moment, before brightening. “Okay, but have I told you about when I first visited Prakra?”

“When Nadia’s sister didn’t recognise you and tried to have you arrested for breaking into the palace?”

Asra bit his lip. “…Kamanar?”

“You convinced Muriel to come with you and they mistook him for a minor deity.” Jenna grinned, pressing their foreheads together. “I know all your stories, my love.”

“That can’t be true! I’ve taken so many trips…”

“And you’ve talked my ear off about them all,” she tucked a curl behind his ear, cradling his face in one hand. “As well you should.”

“Right, I have a goal for this camping trip,” Asra placed a hand on his heart, and his other on Jenna’s. “I swear that by tomorrow morning, I will find a story I have never told you.”

“Aw, just what every relaxing vacation needs. A time-based challenge.”

He giggled, cupping her jaw and kissing her softly. Her fingers tangled themselves in his hair, and he sighed against her lips, pulling her into his lap. The kiss broke, and Jenna looked down at Asra, flushed and staring up at her with an expression of wonder.

“Excuse me?” Nadia’s voice broke them from their trance. The group was already halfway through their picnic, sat around a blanket that (despite all odds) had been spread out quite nicely. She gave them a wry smile. “I hate to interrupt a tender moment, but you should know that I can only protect your share of the cookies for so long.”

“Ooh, tasty.” Asra stood, not even a little embarrassed, and tugged Jenna over by the hand. They sat crossed-legged on the blanket, and he stuck a pastry under Muriel’s nose. He went slightly cross-eyed trying to look at it. “Muri, please eat the tarts. We packed them for you.”

He rolled his eyes, but took it anyway. “Thanks.”

Asra grinned, holding one up to Jenna’s face as well. She smiled, tucking her hair out of the way before taking a bite. “Thank you,” she said around the mouthful.

“You’re welcome,” he winked. “So, Jenna and I were talking, and she seems to think I’ve told her all of my stories.”

“Well, that can’t be true,” Julian poured boiling water over a tea bag, bobbing it up and down by the string, “because I happen to know hundreds of Asra stories. Jenna, have you heard the one where the two of us broke into the palace’s wine cellar in the dead of the night –”

“The Count brought a party in there, and you hid in a barrel for three hours before climbing out of the window with half a dozen bottles stuffed down your pants.” Jenna quirked a brow, smirking. “That all you got, Doc?”

“Oh, she’s good.”

Asra groaned, burying his face in his hands. Nadia leaned over to pat his shoulder. “Come now, don’t look like that. I think it’s rather sweet you know one another so well.”

“Yeah, milady’s right,” Portia took a look sip from what looked like a cup of lemonade. “I mean, that’s what everyone wants in a relationship, isn’t it? Someone who knows all your stories.”

“I will find a new story,” Asra straightened, voice determined. “Mark my words, I will find Jenna a story.”

“Alright, what now?”

“You twist it.”

“I can’t twist it.”

“Twist it.”

“It’s already twisted!” Julian huffed, holding a very wilted bunch of purple wildflowers. “I’m not very good at this.” Muriel snorted in response.

Jenna bit her lip, trying to fold and twist the stems into a crown like he’d showed them. Asra looked down at her lap. “You’ve… almost got it.”

She pouted. “I really don’t.”

He smiled, placing his own creation on her head. The flowers were a little loose, but they held in place nicely. “This is a good colour on you.”

Jenna smiled gently, before breathing a sigh. “Okay, tell me why.”

Asra blinked. “Why what?”

“Why is it so important I haven’t heard all your stories?” Jenna dropped her crown in her lap. “Portia’s right. Isn’t it a good thing that we know each other so well?”

He shrugged half-heartedly. “I don’t know. You deserve a good story.”

“And you have given me more than enough. What is it? Are you sad about losing your ‘wandering magician’ reputation since we settled down?”

“Don’t be silly,” Asra chuckled, guiding her hands to help weave the flower stems together. “I happen to like my ‘always doting on his apprentice magician’ title much more. Though let’s be honest, at this point you could be my teacher.”

Jenna snorted, despite the blush she felt creeping up her face. “You should be so lucky.”

“Yeah, I should,” he grinned shamelessly, but his eyes were still distant. “Look, I just think that… if you know all my stories, and I definitely know all of yours, then where does that leave us?”

She frowned, distantly registering Portia celebrating her finished wreath. “What do you mean?”

Asra shrugged helplessly, not quite meeting her gaze and fumbling with the petals of a flower. “We’re finally done getting to know each other.”

If his voice hadn’t been so earnest, Jenna probably would have burst out laughing. She smiled widely instead, restraining herself. “Asra, I’ve known you for years. We’ve been partners for years! I’d like to think I know you pretty damn well!”

“But what happens now?” He asked, scratching his head. “With us, I mean. Now that we know each other.”

“We keep getting to know each other,” she said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “People don’t stop growing, and they don’t stop changing, no matter how well you know them. Look at Muriel. You thought you knew him inside and out; doesn’t he still find ways to surprise you?”

“Surprise me?” Asra laughed. “A year ago if you’d told me he’d come on a trip like this, I’d have had a heart attack.”

“Oof, that would’ve been bad for us,” Jenna winced, clutching at her chest with one hand. He swatted it away, giggling.

“Hey, speaking of!” Asra beamed at Muriel as he trundled over to them. “A surprise.”

Jenna snickered, and Muriel looked between them, confused, before clearly deciding it wasn’t worth dwelling on. “Do you need any help?”

“Not at all,” she smiled, holding up her very loose, very messy, not at all connected flower crown. Well, it was more of a chain really.

He looked it over with a very serious expression, chewing his lip thoughtfully. A few flowers fell away. Asra giggled.

“It’s, um…” Muriel took a moment to find the right words. “It’s terrible.”

“Yeah,” Jenna nodded. “It’s great.”

“It’s perfect,” Asra agreed vigorously. “We should have it pressed and framed. Hang it behind the counter.”

“Please don’t do that,” Nadia called over. She was wearing her own finished crown. Of course it was lovely. “I don’t mean any offense, really, but I must say it out of concern for your business.”

“Aw, don’t feel bad, Jen!” Portia plopped herself down next her, and perched her grass wreath on Muriel’s head. He blushed, mumbling his thanks. “Ilya made some art as well. I call it ‘Very Dead Flowers.’”

Asra smirked. “I’d call it something else.”

Julian pouted, cradling two wilted stems in his hands that could have been flowers once. It was hard to tell. “I really did try my best!”

“I don’t doubt it.”

“Poor flowers never saw it coming,” Jenna said solemnly.

“Oh, leave him be,” Nadia tutted, removing her own wreath and placing it gently on his head. “There. Now no one will ever know.”

Julian flushed beet red, barely stammering his way through a thank you before Portia groaned loudly. “Yeah, yeah, real cute of you. Who has the best crown though?”

“Yeah, Muriel,” Asra backed her up, nudging his friend on the arm. “Who’s the winner?”

He blinked. “Was… this a contest?”

“It is now, apparently.” Jenna motioned with her hand. “So who won?”

“I, um…” Muriel shrugged half-heartedly. “Nadia won.”

“Ah, I think you’re confused,” Nadia said smoothly, shaking her head. “I was not taking part in the competition. I do, however, feel that Julian’s crown is particularly lovely.”

Julian blinked. “Wait, what?”

“No, you can’t do that!” Portia puffed out her cheeks, huffing. “That’s cheating! He couldn’t even make a start!”

“Well that makes no sense,” Nadia tilted her head, smiling playfully. “If he couldn’t make a start, where did the crown come from?”

“You gave it to him!”

“Nah, Nadi’s right,” Asra winked at Jenna. “Congrats, Ilya.”

“Uh, yeah, of course,” she nodded quickly. “Good job.”

“Cheats!” Portia pointed between Nadia and her brother accusingly. “Dirty cheats, the lot of you!”

“Thank you very much,” Julian grinned smugly at Muriel, tipping the crown like a hat. “I will wear this victory like a badge of honour.”

Muriel didn’t return the smile. “You didn’t win.”

“Shush now.”

“Nadia did.”

“I won.”

Asra leaned over to whisper in Jenna’s ear. “We both know who really won, right?”

“Of course we do,” she replied. “I did.”

“Obviously.”

“Is everybody comfortable?” Nadia lay back beside Portia, head resting against a plush cushion. The sun had long set, but it still wasn’t dark. The summer sky was lit up with stars, scattered like gems across dark blue velvet. It made Jenna grateful they’d hiked all the way out to the fields; in Vesuvia, the stars had fallen to earth and arranged themselves neatly on a circular grid. Not that she didn’t like the brightness and bustle of the city, but it wasn’t exactly the best place to view a meteor shower.

Asra was laid on his back, legs stretched out, hands folded on his belly. Jenna lay beside him and linked their arms together just as a comet started to trail across the sky.

Portia made a squeak of excitement. “There’s the first one! Quick, make a wish!”

“Two steps ahead of you, Pasha,” Julian bumped his shoulder against Muriel’s. “What did you wish for, big guy?”

Muriel’s brow furrowed. “Can’t say.”

“Oho, keeping secrets are we?” Julian crooked a brow, pouting slightly. “And here I thought we were becoming friends.”

Jenna chuckled. “No, Julian, you can’t tell someone what you wished for. Otherwise it won’t come true.”

He went quiet. “Ah, right. Of course not.”

Asra rolled his eyes, smirking, and Jenna leaned her chin against his shoulder. “You’re not still upset about your epic tales of misadventure?”

He crossed one leg over his knee so his foot swung in mid-air. “You know what’s wrong with the stories I’ve been telling all these years?”

“How often you tell them?”

Asra snorted, pulling her close with an arm around her waist. “No, the fact that you’re… not in them. They were from a different time in my life. When you weren’t around. Jen, when I lost you, I…” His voice wavered, and he paused, swallowing thickly.

Jenna cupped his face and pressed a kiss to his mouth, feeling him sigh against her lips and relax in her arms. “…Things are different now,” she whispered when they parted. “Different for both of us. I want to make new stories now, happier ones. With you.”

Asra searched her eyes for a moment, before beaming, brushing a strand of hair off her face. “I love you so much.”

Jenna smiled. “I love you too.”

“Is everybody watching us right now?”

“They absolutely are.”

“I was not,” Nadia said smoothly. “However I think one of the Devoraks may be crying.”

Asra laughed. “I bet I can guess which one.”

Portia cackled while Julian spluttered helplessly. “Sh-shut up, you three,” he cleared his throat, pounding a fist against his chest. “Just watch the stars, will you?”

Jenna hummed, resting her head against Asra’s chest just as another meteor left a pale stripe above them. “Hey, there’s another one. Make a wish.”

Asra tucked her head under his chin. “Would it be cheesy if I said I’ve already got mine?”

“Massively,” Jenna mumbled, already half asleep. “But I’m glad that you said it anyways.”

[ih8paris]

i hate paris

Do people still use tumblr? I’m so old. And I never used it. I don’t keep up with the times. I don’t give a shit. You know what? It all passes. Except facebook. They made a deal with the devil and really, was it worth it? I use facebook. I live in Paris and there are these groups for women, expats, cheap people like me that want free yoga. That’s what I use it for. And news. BBC CNN ABC NBC MSNBC, you get it and the posts. They report what the people supposedly want, but then we can see what the people are actually saying. Donald Trump won’t win? Look at voices talking? Look at the little people. It looked like he was going to win. What do you know, he did. But what if he had lost. What if Hilary didn’t get a handle on COVID and then Donald won in 2020? We would all be so fucked right now. Maybe we already are. Anyway, I’m not here to talk politics. I’m here to process my life choices and see if there were signs that I was making HUGE mistake. 

So here’s the thing. I’m a bit untraditional. Growing up was shit. Chuck left and made sure to shit all over everything before he did. And the whole get married in your 20′s have babies get divorced get remarried have more kids bc hey you’re not old at 30 and this is the guy you actually wanted to have kids with. I rant but you get it. Traditional not for me. Also not traditional, i have some money. This money has paid for college, pastry school and yes this wonderful covid filled experience in paris: the city that hates me. I’m fortunate. I don’t live lavishly. It’s not that much money. I grew up poor, I pinch pennies. Then i do exciting things. Or maybe challenging things? I am fortunate and grateful. And guilt filled. I am given this gift and shit it away, trying make something out of this paris experience. It’s like a bad relationship where i keep begging to give it one more change. It will get better. I’m a fucking idiot. So here I am, you know third times the charm, right? Back in paris. Vaccinated. I’ve made connections with people. I feel confident that this will not be a waste. It will be fun. It will be educational. I will network. Gain experiences. Omg learn so much. Be able to travel. OH the hopes and delusions i had. But maybe we should start from the beginning. 

Omg, which beginning. Paris, i guess, we can go back further when the moment calls. So 30 is approaching. I’ve moved back home. That’s story for another time. Remember my life is not traditional. So I’m home to help out and idk try to figure out what the fuck i want to do with my life. See the big mistake i made in my 20s was listening to people i don’t admire. i graduate with an art degree. my college exit interview said i am qualified to work at a bank or Kraft foods. no connects, recommendations. No direct. And my family keeps talking about getting a job, benefits, 401k. At one point a little later on, my grandpa was pushing for me to go into service. Sorry gramps, they don’t want me. My education was good. I learned a lot. They had good resources and a lot. But then nothings. So i worked at a bakery. I worked hard at this bakery. For more than a few months i worked 7 days a week. I didn’t have a life. i had money. Money i made. And apparently that was the most important thing, from the talks i keep getting from my family. And of course i wasn’t earning enough, so needed to work harder and climb the ladder. There is no ladder in a bakery. Whatever, I rant again. We’ll come back to this. 

So 30. It’s looming. I’ve thought about grad school. The money I mentioned earlier. It’s had time to grow. The GRE expires after 5 years, not that i took it but 7 years after I graduated, i wasn’t taking it. So Europe. Europe is artsy. I would like to make good money, enjoy the work okay, but mostly make good money with the least amount of actual work. So teaching. My mom teaches. Computer programing. She’s the head of the department. She fucking hates it. The dude that was suppose to get that job, he died. It was sad. But they also didn’t replace him so when the other guy retired, it became her job. It was an unpleasant 10ish years. But again, I digress. So teaching. Work hard and play hard. And it’s always changing - ish. I guess as much as you want, or don’t. New students every 15 weeks. breaks at all the holidays. Summers off. And when you’re just about to get bored, you’re back at work. Maybe because this is the only lifestyle i know, but it doesn’t sound bad. I worked in an office of women in high school. That i for sure knew i never wanted. But teaching. College. Okay. I need a masters. Learn about MA and MFA. Start looking for jobs in Cali because life’s too short to fucking deal with the snow and mosquitos. Idk everyone doesn’t live in Cali. So now the plan is MFA. They are much more rare and more in demand at universities. More money - but this time i think chasing the money necessary bc Calif = expensive. Now back to looking in Europe. I love Italy. I would love to live in in Italy for more that just a semester but actually live Italian or close to it. The language makes sense. The people make sense. The art makes sense. And it’s omg gorgeous. Alas, no American accredited MFA programs I could qualify for in Italy. I don’t know if there were none but if there were, they would have been in textiles, or digital/graphic design. Which I don’t know anything about. I’m old school, metal work, drawing, printmaking - although so far we haven’t gotten along, another thing i going to try to make work before i leave this city that hates me, for good - painting, ceramics, you get it. I hate computers. I appreciate technology but my mom teaches computers therefore there was never a working computer in my house so we (my brothers and me) don’t do computers. So i find this school - in english and in Paris. Paris, so glamorous. Home of famous artists and their art. The Louvre and Eiffel Tower and Fashion. So okay, i check out their programs. One i have no fucking clue what it is. Still don’t. Another is Photography - pass. Graphics - no. List continues. Then i see Drawing. That’s interesting. I can draw, i draw well. This is a program i could probably get into. SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: you can get into any program. No program is ever full. It’s bull shit. Masters program. Undergrad = everyone is applying at the same time. Masters = ages range and much fewer people go. So don’t fall for that shit - EVER. 

They have a one year and two year program. The second year is less than half the first year so makes sense to go the second year and get the MFA vs MA. So that works out. I’m reading and checking it out. Not sure what I’m looking for but in hindsight, i knew something was missing. Talk it over with my mom and her peers who are also teachers. Consensus - don’t be part of the first group. So i have an interview to get it - what a joke. It is also a time for me to learn more about the program. So i ask, is this new? How long has it been around. Answer: Oh no, it’s been working several years. Very confident. I didn’t have a follow-up, just said I don’t want to be in the first group. I said those words. Her response: Oh no no don’t worry. I was so naive. And yes this continued through the whole program. People’s personalities are what they are. So she lied to get me into the program and just kept lying. No respect for the insane about of money i was paying for this ‘experience’. No respect for the education i could have gotten somewhere else. Because this program had NO educational value. I’m not being bitter or dramatic. It was a complete waste of time and money. Then covid happened. Might have been a blessing in disguise. I can go into detail of the program later. This is just an overview of the beginning. 

So, I get accepted. What a surprise. I’m now officially 30 and this - i feel- is my last hoorah. After this i will be an adult who can get an adult job and become an adult. But first i need housing. And a visa. Which is very confusing. So the French and Italians - Italians I am familiar  with, tell you about it later. So they’re similar in that lazy, lack of thoroughness, that’s their thing. Difference being Italians own it, French hardcore deny. So I’m reading this paperwork and it says thing like you need to have all your documents before your visa appointment including plane ticket. Well I can’t go without the visa so why would i get a plane ticket? Cart before the horse shit - it’s very french, wait until you hear about banks.  

[fizzingwizard]

Since covid-19 is gone forever!! *cough* intense sarcasm *cough* that means we can have TV again! Yay? Anyway we can finally see ep four of Digimon Adventure:. I was really looking forward to this one because Sora!

And she is so cute. I mean, just look:

Honestly Sora is so awesome, she can be that cute even though the general animation of this ep is quality product like this:

Animators: 'Anatomical accuracy is against my religious beliefs. Besides, chins are so passe.'

I might as well say how I felt right out: this ep was a bit of a drag. I keep saying it’s important not compare this show to old Adventure, since my rosy-lensed nostalgia glasses are permanently glued to my nose and all. But four eps in, the old Adventure had a bunch of different dynamics in the group at work already, which really beefed up the otherwise pretty standard plot into something special. The new show seems to take the opposite approach: it definitely wants us to know right from the start that there's a Big Story going on, and it would rather talk about that than develop the characters and relationships.

I am not *quite* complaining - not yet. It's still too early, although to be perfectly honest, I think the tone’s set at this point. But we don’t know what’s to come and how this might all add up. Plus, different is good. All depends where we’re going with this. More under the cut...

Anyway I'm just sooooo  glad we got a real fantasy world! The background art is lovely! Really has the feel of a rainforest. Almost makes up for the crappy character art hahaha oh episode one I miss you already.

We start out with Taichi sputtering because Sora is not Koushirou. I don't think he's disappointed to see Sora, he was just SO SURE Koushirou would be there.

‘Koushirou! Were you always this pink? I am confusion!’

For her part, Sora is very chill about all this. She does not seem to share original!Sora's discomfort with affection. She's just total chill, so together. it's not very interesting, but we have plenty of time to get to know her more. And she gets to be a Cool Girl, not just a Responsible Girl. In this episode she's resourceful, brave, and compassionate. Honestly, she's just as much protag material as Taichi is here. So my fingers are crossed that they will Tag Team it a lot. I loved that in this ep Taichi and Sora showed so much appreciation for each other! Because my personal headcanon growing up was that Sora was next in line to lead if Taichi was ever not around, not Yamato!

They discover a Magic Rock with digi-code on it, and Taichi can magically read it. This bit was pretty cool.

OMG! He's a parselmouth!

At least he's surprised? I doubt he reads this well when the teacher calls on him in class.

Speaking of Taichi, who IS this kid. I said I wouldn't complain, but I will at least a little on this: who is this kid! He's way too together to be Taichi. I love athletic, goal-oriented, go-getter Taichi, but he needs his childish exuberance and goofiness to balance it out. He needs to be something other than perfect. Perfect Sports Human strikes again! (But - although I’ve been leery of this Taichi since the beginning, I’ve also genuinely enjoyed him interacting with Agumon and Koushirou in the other eps. Yamato too. I think this ep was just a miss, tbh. Just a bit uninspired.)

There is one way in which he is ABSOLUTELY my Taichi...

... his dedication to fighting alongside Agumon. Literally. Bahaha. There's the Taichi I know.

Now, it's just not Digimon Adventure if you don't jump right off a steep cliff.

Old Adventure: "We can't jump, we'll die!" New Adventure: "Let's jump to certain death!" "Okay!"

Now as happy as I am that we get a proper fantasy world, so far it doesn't seem all that challenging. Taichi and Sora know a crap ton about how to kick in the wilderness it seems. Not only can they build fires...

... the two of them can apparently build a raft. All by themselves.

When the old Adventure crew built a rash, they had help from a bunch of large Digimon. New!Taichi and Sora must be the most RIPPED eleven year olds in the world.

Also Pocket Koushirou is back wooo!

And not only that... he's got a Pocket Taichi!

Eeee!

Sora's first instinct is to poke Pocket Koushirou. Sora is Best Girl.

So another pet peeve in this ep: I hate that Koushirou met Tentomon off screen ): C'est la vie. Tentomon has clearly made up his mind to adopt Koushirou. The first thing he does is thank Taichi for looking after Koushirou sheesh what a mom.

I loved that the kids' only goal in the first arc of Adventure was to get home. They had no idea about a bigger picture until right before the Devimon battle. And even after that, they were more concerned with getting home than figuring it out, for the most part. It lent a bit of realism and it kept things feeling tense and high stakes. This show's not going the Lost route though, and everyone is peculiarly unruffled by their strange situation.

I KNOW SORA IS BEST GIRL BUT WHYYYYY DOES SHE HAVE THIS KNIFE

Look at all of the things Sora brought that will coincidentally be super helpful if they’re stuck in this world for any length of time...

So then they get in the raft and immediately hit some rapids.

HANG ON TO WHAT???

Ooooh the tunnel is always my favorite part of the roller coaster ride!

More attacks - Taichi rolls high on athleticism again. Michael Jordan would be proud.

Turns out we do get a proper evolution sequence in this show! Thought we'd dodged that bullet. At least it's cool!

Somehow I just love the idea of Greymon swimming. And Taichi sitting on him as they dive underwater like Paikea in Whale Rider.

Here is Sora being cool and scaling Snimon's leg. I am so here for strong athletic Sora. She's no shrinking violet. It's easy to see how she and Taichi came to be friends.

Just ahead: Plot device

We end by heading to this mysterious temple full of what look to be statues of mega-level Digimon. This is a plot for which 'subtlety' holds no meaning.

Oh, and Koushirou gets swallowed by a whale, which for me was the highlight of the episode. Can't wait to see how he gets out!

And well that's it. Verdict: Taichi and Sora are Very Cool, Koushirou is Precious, we desperately need more life to these interactions. I’m curious what sort of overarching plot they’re gonna find, or think they find. Even though it wasn’t clear at first that Chosen-Digimon relationships are predestined like in old Adventure, Agumon did seem to know Taichi already, and Piyomon in this episode states clearing “I waited for you.” It feels bit odd that they’re not all together, not jumping all over their partners, but it also just makes me really want to know why! What’s fundamentally different in this show that caused that change. Looking forward to episode 5!

Bonus: because I unironically adore acrobat!Taichi:

[sleepnginstardust]

Dryad Girlfriend (Prologue)

Hello y’all. Ahhhhh I promise it gets more happy. Also, I’m back on a leave of absence again. One of my coworkers tested positive for Covid, sooooo yeah. I’m on lock down. Granted I am moving at the end of August but hey, you know whatever. Enjoy!

Summer vacation had always been one of my least favorite times of the year. Every year my parents purchased me a bus ticket and shipped me off into the middle of nowhere to visit my great aunt. 

My great aunt was one of those women who decided a long time ago to never get married. So she didn’t. Instead the money her parents had put aside for her wedding that never happened was instead used to purchase a plot of about 1000 acres where she decided to start a farm and orchard. At the center of her land was a large house right next to one of the largest trees I had ever seen. 

The house alway amazed and confused me because my aunt told me every time I came that in the whole house the only iron was in the kitchen. She apparently used traditional methods of building the house that didn’t use iron. Whenever I asked her about it she smiled and said that she wanted all of her friends to be able to visit. 

The only friend I saw visit was Thistle. Thistle was this amazing woman who was tall stately and who kind of reminded me of the tree outside. She was soft spoken and alway knew how to cheer me up. As a young child she would sit on the porch with me overlooking the giant tree and would feed me some of the ripest fruit I had ever tasted. So by the end of summer even though I had hated the idea of being off in the middle of nowhere. Between Thistle and my great aunt, I always wound up having the best summer.

The last summer I had there was the summer before my junior year. When I arrived it had been storming. After having hired a carriage from the train station, I let myself into my great aunt's house. It was quiet and dark within the house. I looked through the house and saw a light on in the living room, as I got closer I heard hushed voices. 

“Thistle, I can’t leave here. I have a family and the farm needs someone to take care of it. You’ve heard those developers say they'll tear this place apart to build houses and all of the time and effort I’ve put into making sure these people and creatures have a place to live will be wasted.” I stopped and kept quiet. I had known that my Aunt’s land was a place where creatures could gather in peace. Not many people wanted creatures like Minotaurs and  on their land and had been driven off lands. I knew for a fact that my Aunt’s house had brownies somewhere in it. Thistle had shown me one time by leaving out a bunch of ingredients one night and the next morning when I had woken up there was a giant loaf of apple and cinnamon bread with some type of muffins. My thoughts were interrupted by Thistle.

“Please, you don’t have much time left. I don’t want to lose you! The Land will take care of itself. You made sure of that when you hired the minotaurs and the dragon. They will never let something happen to what they consider their land!” My stomach dropped. Why would my aunt leave, she was the closest thing I had to grandparents. Stealing myself I knocked on the door.

“Auntie, Thistle? Are you, you okay? Why would you leave?” I slowly pushed into the living room. Thistle and my Aunt looked up Thistle had been crying and my aunt looked sad.

“I’m fine, and I’m not going anywhere.” With that she shot a look at Thistle, who grimaced. I looked closer at Thistle. I had been coming every summer to this house since I was six, and while my great aunt age into a fine older woman Thistle hadn’t changed a day. Her coils had stay that rich jet black, and she never seemed to get any crows feet and her smile lines never deepened. 

‘’Your Aunt is going to be fine, I was hoping she would think about maybe moving somewhere where it would be easier to live.” As she said that I saw a tear go down her face. She moved past me and into the entryway. “I’m going to bed, I’ll see you both in the morning.”

After that strange night my summer was quiet, after that overheard conversation I watched my Aunt and Thistle closer. As I watched I came to the conclusion that they both were closer than I had assumed. I had known that sometimes women liked other women but my parents and my teachers were very religious and had made me “understand” that was unexceptable for myself. For other people it was fine, but not for myself.

That summer my great aunt introduced me to the minotaurs and the herd of centaurs who helped her take care of the land. I was able to spend time with Minotaurs and centaurs who were around my age. It was the best summer of my life. When I received the letter from my parents with a bus ticket home I knew it was their way of saying that it was time for me to leave. I cried that night, I finally felt welcomed and I had to leave.

Thistle came for dinner and my aunt made the most amazing food. For desert the brownies in the house had created this amazing lemon and raspberry cake decorated with fresh raspberries and lemon curls. As I was going to bed Thistle came into my room and gave me a giant hug. 

“You’ll take care of her right? My Aunt I mean.” Thistle looked at me and gave me a small smile.

“I will take care of her as much as she lets me. You know your aunt, she’s headstrong and doesn’t like when people try to take care of her.” I nodded and gave Thistle another hug.

The next morning I packed my bag and my grandmother called a cab and sent me off. As I was leaving I watched black clouds roll over the orchard.

I went back to my religious school and my religious parents. In the middle of September we had a small family of Gnolls move into the town. After them it felt like something had changed in our town. Soon a large Orc family bought the largest house in the city and opened a glamorous hotel. A werewolf pack took up residence on the outskirts of the city and started a building company. By the beginning of the new year everyone in town had just accepted that things were changing. 

My school over the holiday break decided that in order to be more accepting towards the new people they would cut ties with the church. My parents, upset at first, realized that the school was still the best in the city and that it was still very much humans. I felt like maybe things wouldn’t be so bad here. Until the end of January.

Coming home I caught the tail end of a conversation my mother was having on the phone.

“No, no, I’ll tell her. What about her property? What do you mean it’s in trust? She left it to her. She’s not even legal! What is our daughter going to do with 1000 acres of land and a burnt out house? Hold on I think she's here, Darling is that you?” I looked down that hallway into the kitchen.

“Yes mom I’m back from school.” I walked into the kitchen. My mother hung up the phone and turned to me with a sad look on her face.

“Sweetheart, I have some bad news. Your great aunt passed away. There was a storm and lightning struck the tree outside the house. The house caught fire and your grandmother was stuck inside.”

“Wait no, Thistle said she’d take care of her.” It was like a punch in the gut. My great aunt was gone. 

“Honey, no one has heard from Thistle either. The centaur herd looked for her, apparently there’s even a dragon on your aunts land!” I couldn’t hear her. I felt my head spin all I could hear was my heart pounding and my backpack thunk onto the hardwood floor. I blacked out.

[you-did-well-moon]

questions tag :))

i was tagged by the lovely @bearboyunho thank uuuu

relationships: I was in one for a maximum of three hours dkejek. Ill explain in the breakup question. This is definitely not a relationship im proud of. It caused me too many problems considering how short it was...

break-ups: I have so many trust issues and insecurities, i think i still have a long way to grow before i can enter a relationship, besides i havent met anyone yet. I didn't lead this person on, i treated him as a friend. And i usually spent more time with him since we were both in track. He caught feelings for me which i honestly knew about but i didnt say anything bc i didnt have feelings for him. One day during lunch with all my friends at the time he asked for a relationship. He later confessed to me he did this on purpose because he knew i would feel bad saying no to him, and that paired with the pressure of my friends, i said yes. He held my hand, and it just didn't feel right. Everything didnt feel right. So three hours later i got him alone and told him i wasnt ready for a relationship but that we could still be friends. He took it relatively well, but he avoided me. His cousin confronted me and told me he cried all weekend, but she said she understood and that she was glad i said no in the end which i was confused about but didnt question just wanting to leave it behind. Then it all started the next year. Out of nowhere he texted me, which was ???? Bc i never gave him my number, but i talked to him believing he was doing this on friendly intentions. lol i was a dumbass. Later my friend revealed to me he had lied to her and said i was paired up with him during a project. I also found out he asked her for pictures of me. His cousin which im friends with also told me she was sure he was not befriending me on good intentions, and that she was creeped out by him. My friends had continuously told me he would speak about me as if we were together to other people, and that he stared at me for weird periods of time. At this point im fucking scared and confront him and say i dont want to be friends with him and that i dont think us talking or being friends is healthy for either one of us. He continued texting me, making me feel bad when i didnt respond asking me if i hated him i had to eventually block him. He gave me a present on both valentines and Christmas which i rejected but he forced me to accept them. After class i always packed up my stuff slowly bc i had a good relationship with my teacher and talked to her. He stood in front of me and just stared at me while i packed. We actually had a kpop club, and one day he showed up. I was part of student council, and at the middle of the year he started attending. He sent me kpop memes to try to get my attention. I felt so unsafe i told my English teacher. Eventually he gave up when i started being firmer in my silence and overall attitude towards him. so yeah.... a relationship that didnt even last a day caused all this. I genuinely wish i had been more careful. The red flags were there from the beginning and i tried ignoring them bc i wanted to be nice. Dont do that, if someone maked you uncomfortable please dont feel bad and cut them off for as long as you need to. Anyways- nExT quEstiOn.

kids: i dont have any but i want twins so badly it's stupid. I honestly dont mind having kids that aren't twins. I just want two tbh. A girl and boy.

brothers and sisters: i have one sister who's five years younger than me. Im very close with my two cousins tho so theyre like sister to me too. They're older than me by more than five years.

pets: i have three dogs. Two shih tzus Otis and Bella, Bella is mother to Otis. He's the only puppy we kept from when Bella had puppies. I have Rocky a very clumsy english bulldog. I also have a beta fish called Suho.

surgeries: Ive had two. One when i was four to get my tonsils removed because i got sick a lot, and last year i got my gallbladder removed because i had gall stones. That one was so painful i couldnt laugh or do anything without everything hurting.

tattoos: None but i would like one. Not big ones, just small meaningful ones.

countries i’ve been to: Mexico....i miss it

been in an airplane: my family is not in the class where we can take an airplane to travel or even travel to other states. Ive only been on it twice for a contest i won.

been in an ambulance: Twice as much as i can remember. Once for my sister who had a really bad seizure when i took her to a doctors appointment and the other when they had to transport me to another hospital when they first found out i had gall stones.

i sing karaoke: no but you can usually find me singing along to a song on the radio or randomly around my house.

ice skating: I would love to try. The closest ive gotten is rollerblading. I can't do any fancy tricks but i can balance, but oh no i havent gone in such a long time. My poor rollerblades are collecting dust in my garage.

been on a cruise: ..... this is a joke right? Let me have enough money to buy groceries first.

driven a motorcycle: ah i would really like a motorcycle, but no never.

ridden a horse: Lolol all the time. When i was young my uncle helped out at some stables that were literally at the end of my street snd and he always took me a long with him. A lot of my family especially in Mexico and in the valley have ranchos which means they have horses and you can usually find me hanging out with the lovely animals.

stayed in a hospital: I once went because my head was killing me and i found out it was migraines. I had gall stones for seven months and stayed in the hospital about two times a month so yeah i was there a lot. And for the surgery of course.

favorite fruit or berry: Watermelon and Guayaba. Also green grapes.

favorite color: peach and aqua.

last text: "ye ok" it was from me to my cousin since i was gonna go to her house but she was with my grandma who tested positive for covid so we both decided it would be safer for me to keep my distance.

coffee or tea: coffee. i need it to survive. As long as it has sugar im ok. But tea is great for when my stomach hurts. I just prefer coffee. I could drink it any hour.

favorite pie: Pecan, especially with ice cream its so good. Key lime isnt bad either.

favorite pizza: i dont really care? I like all of them but when i was little and we'd go to the mall my dad would always get this big pizza that was big enough to have things stuffed inside it and it tasted so good. Its a good memory.

cat or dog: dog but i really want a cat.

favorite time of year: Chritmas and Thanksgiving always. I love it. Especially Christmas when my family gathers together and we play games and everyone brings a traditional Mexican dish. We stay until like 4 am and its always great.

met a star: That one woman who had an affair with george bush. I met her. That doesnt really count. Yeah no one, i met basketball players but i dont remember from which team or who they were. I met ted cruz. Cool story tho my english teacher knew one of shinee's choreographers.

flown a helicopter:..... umm. nO..

been on tv: Nah. Probably in the backround of some news things.

broken my leg: no ive never broken a bone surprisingly.

seen a ghost: i had sleep paralysis it was close enough.

been sick in a taxi: never even been in a taxi. Ive been on a uber tho.

Tags: @doyoungbunnyagenda @butterflybam @brighttragedy @saturnsluna @waterfallsandrosebuds @jooheonyonehunnit @leecherryyong

[myeternalsin]

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!

Hello everyone! 2020… WOW. Can I just say that it has been a complete and utter rollercoaster! IT’S BEEN AWFUL! I am making this post to explain multiple things about myself, my stories, my accounts, etc, so grab a cup of your favorite drink and finger snacks because this is gonna be one long a*$ post! (Excuse my French, but considering everything I’m about to explain I felt like I needed to write that!)

First off, 2020. I believe everyone thought that 2020 was going to be their year. Everyone had their hopes and spirits high to the skies. I was one of those many people. I celebrated New Years Eve with my boyfriend of 3 and a half years and thought this year would be perfect. Valentines day on a Friday, my 21st birthday on Easter, 4th of July on a Saturday, etc. COVID-19 happened. I live in Cedar Rapids Iowa where honestly, my governor had and still has done sh*t about COVID-19. 

Around the end of March I was hit with some very hard information. 

The daycare I worked at, 8-5, as a full time job during the week of spring break had it’s numbers DROP. I went from a class of 12 children to a minimum of 4 a day to a maximum of 7 children. I was even given Wednesday off along with my teacher assistant as we were TOO overstaffed at the center. Usually when I leave work at 5 o'clock, there’s about 20 to 25 children left by the end of the day since we close at 6. I should have known that Monday that the week was going to get worse. There were only 6 CHILDREN at the center when I left EARLY at 4:30. The next day I came home at 10 since we were overstaffed again, and was called at noon that our daycare was shut down. I’m laid off. Start filing for unemployment. 

I was completely HEARTBROKEN. I was truly hoping to stay open, not for the pay or to “get the virus so I can stay home” as some of my co workers joked-but to stay open for the CHILDREN. I was praying that they could get through this and that this whole COVID-19 would blow ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL over soon… boy, was I WRONG! 

I celebrated my 21st birthday at the apartment with my boyfriend instead of bar hopping since everything was shut down. I was completely and utterly BOARD. I had no clue what to do with myself! During this time, my boyfriend was also stuck in the apartment instead of at the office. While we were at the apartment, there was this trend on TikTok called the “towel drop challenge”. I was honestly thinking that since were both cooped up in this tiny apartment that was could, ya know, get it on~

Three and a half years. I was with this boy for three and a half years without ever losing my V-card! I mean, we’d tried on multiple occasions but I just never got my cherry popped. I was told by my mom that any boy would have taken my virginity by now and not waited this long. I even asked him a year after we were together if he was possibly gay or asexual. Which wouldn't have been a problem AT ALL! I have no hate against him however he identified sexually, I just wished that he would have told me or he would have done something about it. 

That fateful day, I let him know that I wanted his time and attention. He could have walked away from his computer. There were times where he’d either be on his phone with his head down while “working”, or he’d come out into the living room to play a video game for half an hour while still “logged in and working”. I was hoping to just get ten minutes of his time. I was lying in my bed, naked and waiting for him. I know he saw me too, yet he didn’t do anything. It was the end of his work work shift, and I was waiting with anticipation for him to just POUNCE on me. 

He gave me a kiss on the forehead and said, “I’m going downstairs to do laundry.”

My whole entire being shattered. I was completely DEVASTATED. I always asked myself after every time we tried having sex if something was wrong with me. Was I not pretty enough? Is it because I got bigger throughout the years we were together? Was it because I was inexperienced? Was I performing wrong on him when we would do stuff? I was pretty sure I was attracted to him both physically and personality wise. So what was wrong?

I got so upset and started screaming and yelling at him while crying everything out about not only what he just did, but about everything. In the end, I just collapsed on the bed and said “I want to go home.” I was like a broken record, uttering that saying over and over again.

So, I moved out. I am still living with my parents, and honestly it was rough and still is. I became so depressed. This boy was my best and sadly only friend I ever had. I had pushed away all of the friends I used to have because of him. I tried contacting some old friends, but they had all moved on with their lives. Everyone’s getting married, engaged, having kids, having pets, graduating college. I had nothing, or at least it felt like it at the time.

No friends, no boyfriend, moved in with my parents, and no job.

That’s right. The owner of the daycare never hired me back on, along with six other staff members. Around the beginning of July, I was wondering why I hadn’t been contacted to come back to work. I was willing to travel even though I didn’t live in that city anymore because of the breakup. I was notified by a coworker that they were back to work already a month ago and she was wondering where I was! I called the daycare and never went through to anyone about why I wasn't back.

I felt so useless. A failure. Disappointment. I wanted to not exist. 

I knew that I shouldn’t have had these thoughts, and it scared the shit out of me that my mind was not only thinking it-but the feeling and urge to actually follow through with it.

So, I contacted my doctor. Got some antidepressants, and am trying to get a therapist at the moment. My doctors building with their therapist are practically booked with everything going on. It’ll still be a little bit before I can talk to someone. I was told by my doctor to try to find something to do that peaks my interest. I thought of my work and you guys. I’m proud of the writing I have and can’t believe I left you guys hanging, both on request and stories. I found something I could do to lift my spirits up yet again!...

PHSYIC!

August 10th 2020, I woke up at 10 in the morning. I made a hearty breakfast and an iced coffee for the first time in FOREVER! I was pumping myself up to get on here and to start writing again! After I was done eating, the city sirens went off.

“Is there a tornado?” I asked my parents. They themselves didn’t know either because both cable and the electricity went out as soon as I asked. We all hurried downstairs with all three and a half dogs as the wind picked up and the rain became more heavy. (I said a half because M,W,F we babysit my sister's little beagle dog.)

We sat and waited for the storm to be over and we were wondering what was going on. My dad was about to get up when BOOM! The house shook and vibrated all around us.

My mom started crying hysterically, my dad tried to comfort the dogs and create a barrier for them not to go upstairs, and I just kinda sat there. It was like I wasn’t really registering what was going on. Maybe it was because I was trying to stay positive? Maybe a couple branches just smashed the siding of the house or window? Were the antidepressants not allowing me to cry and freak out? I wasn’t sure what was going on with me at the time. 

The rain stopped and my parents went upstairs to check everything out while I stayed downstairs with the dogs.

“Drip!”

“Argh! What the!?” I exclaimed as I showed my flashlight on my phone to the ceiling. It was dripping from the heating and cooling vent. I saw other droplets of water along the Styrofoam tile ceiling, and followed the trail towards the small kitchen area where there was water IN the ceiling light!

“Uhhhh, guys?” I yelled to my mom and dad upstairs.

“Wait a couple minutes sweetie!” My mom responded back as I started to hear their hurried feet running around upstairs.

“We got water coming downstairs!” I hollered as I grabbed a couple of empty solo cups I had downstairs since I was living down there to start collecting the water.

“Yeah? That’s ’cause we got a hole in the house!” My dad yelled.

The big tree in the backyard that was planted from the previous owner back in the 1950’s crashed into the living room from this storm we later learned 3 days later called Derecho. We’ve been recovering for about a month now. Almost everything is back to normal. 

We got power and water back 2 weeks ago from today, the internet back a week ago, and cable has been kind of wonky. We’ve been wanting nothing but the news and were able to have cable for ONE DAY. It crashed and we still don’t have cable. We’ve tried antennas but they just aren’t working in our location. 

The downstairs floor is ruined. We had to rip out the carpet and the floors now have asbestos. I live upstairs now in the guest room and we’re pretty much confined to the entry way since we still have a huge hole in the living room. No comfortable seating either. We’re hoping to hear back from the insurance claim sometime this week… but there's a possibility that we might just have to move if the damage is too much. 

To put the good old fashioned cherry on top, one of our dogs may no longer be with us this week. She hasn’t eaten in the past couple of days and is only drinking water. We’re taking her to the vet tomorrow to see what’s going on, or if she’s suffering too much.

Honestly… 2020 can F#@! OFF! It’s been such an awful year! But! I am ready to get back into the swing of things and get back to writing and writing for you guys again!

I was going to explain some things about my accounts and rules but I feel a tad bit drained after writing this all out, and I haven't typed on a keyboard in so long! My wrists HURT! Give me a couple of hours and I'll be back with a PSA part 2! I will be posting this to all of my accounts so no one is left out of the loop. Be back soon! 

~MyEternalSin

[alechaos]

Do the Pandemic Changes Everything?

Two years ago passed by really fast, and I can still remember the days I was at the school grounds of Mater Ecclesiae, saying hi and hello to the people I know, hanging out with my best friend by the playground, enjoying our lunch together, building memories with my teachers and classmates as we study and fancy every subject altogether. Then, after such a long day, I'd ride the school service, seeing and greeting my sister and her friends as we finally meet once again and blurting silly jokes as I make memories with the people surrounding me. Once I get home, I will greet my mom with a hug and tell my family how my day went. As I reach out for my bed after the day, I will reminisce and continue to fancy over the things I did in the past months until today and be grateful for how amazing things went. Ah, it was such a fantastic memoir, as if almost everything I did pre-pandemic was the usual thing I do as I move forward every day.

And then, one day, someone out of the blue became mainstream and a headline on every single news outlet, whether on tabloids or online news-- he can be everywhere. Someone who establishes its face worldwide, even though it has no distinct and recognizable features. After his first appearance from the different reports, just about 24 hours, everyone across the globe was rattled by his intimidating and terrifying presence. I can still remember how our classes were canceled that day. We were in our class after lunch when our instructor went inside our room to announce that we needed to pack our things as the head of the institution decided to send us home. I wasn't really sure during that time why and what's the reason for the sudden announcement as the announcer did not impart the news in detail. When I got home, I was shocked to see my older sister telling my mom the same announcement I was told earlier that day. She said that our country officially contracted the disease that has been killing many people from China-- that it finally reached our country and our people. Of course, I had no idea what they were talking about as I was not a fan of reading news articles and getting updates about current events. Only then I knew about the COVID-19 virus that has been spreading across the globe. My older brother also mentioned that day that their university announced the cancellation of their classes for the upcoming days, as the first report of the disease was found to be from the Bulacan area. As we spoke about why we were sent home, from that moment, I knew something terrible might be happening in the future. To be honest, from that moment, I felt some sort of uneasiness and worrisome because we just had experienced being covered with ashes from the eruption of Mount Taal during the second week of January, and I know for sure that many people haven't recovered yet from its impact.

In a  span of 24 hours after the news broke out nationwide, our lives changed in a snap. The next thing I knew was we were under the pandemic, and we had to follow a new set of rules and regulations in order to protect ourselves and prevent the diseases from further spreading throughout the country. Not just the way people are living changed, but the modalities of learning have also brought us a new perspective on learning. Before the pandemic, I am not a fan of using alcohol and disinfectants-- not just me, but I think most people are not fond of doing such activities like this. But because of the pandemic, I learned to constantly use disinfectants-- literally as if it has become a mannerism to prevent myself from contracting the COVID-19 virus. Another thing I observed myself is the behavior of constantly checking up on the news. Knowing that throughout the pandemic, the prevalence of fake news spreading is so high as if it was a disease. When you go online and check a news report content from reliable sources, you will see the skyrocketing hate and backlash it gained from the mass. On the other side, if you will go and check social media posts from trolls, unreliable profiles, and poser accounts, you will be dazed by how many comments, reactions, likes, and shares it gathered considering that the post's content is filled with irrelevant, unreliable, and deceiving information. Generally speaking, if we are to talk about the changes in my lifestyle, I could tell that in two years, I was able to help myself grow more and take care of my well-being. I also learned to value and love my efforts to maintain my life's peacefulness. I engaged myself in performing self-care routines like skincare routines and learned the importance of cutting your hair as part of maintaining its healthiness and nourishment, eating healthier foods, and taking a break from social media because I recognized how social media negatively impact my mental wellness, especially throughout the pandemic, many people are starting to get more vicious and terrifying of expressing themselves. I realized that taking a break from social media could actually be healthful in reducing the environmental stresses you're feeling. During the pandemic, I also started improving my academic life. I became more serious about studying, and as much as I wanted, I made sure to obtain high grades and bring the best out of myself. This realization hit me when I was in grade 11 because, at that moment, I finally thought of how things could affect my future career and future self. To be more academically prepared, I watched tutorials on how to use different online databases, asked for help from my sister, and gave myself free time to learn more about online websites. As we now conduct face-to-face classes, I am confident enough to tell everyone that I can do the things they want me to do because I put effort into learning things. This pandemic also helped me feel more connected with my family because when we were constrained from running errands outside our house, that paved the way for spending more time with our family. That two years gave me time to build a stronger bond with my family and helped me to be more open with them. What happened in our country also improved my emotional quotient because the pandemic taught us that being compassionate and understanding to everyone surrounding you is one of the core values we must attain so that we will be able to extend our hands to people who needed our help. The pandemic is proof that not all everyone is in the same boat. I mean, it's true that we're all on the same water, but we're not riding the same boat that has the same durability to withstand every struggle we face. It only takes a kind and understanding heart to make others feel better, and this is the essential thing the pandemic taught me.

As I end this note, it is indispensable that for some people, the pandemic may have been so cruel and challenging to handle-- something that might have been traumatizing for them, and I understand that. But for my case, I am thankful because the pandemic gave me lots of time to think about myself in such a way that I can reflect daily on the things I do and the decisions I make. The pandemic allowed me to focus on myself, even though it's only for two years. I will forever be grateful for that two years because, in that two years, I was able to create a new me where that me has an improved character and a better version.

[sugarchains]

ok leggo

OK this is longer than i intended but like i literally hate working for this woman can we get a new admin

-OH IT BEGINS WITH THE COMMUTE bc the mta has staff shortages too! so theres NO express trains. every train is local. however thats MAD NIGGAS all stuck on the local lines. idk if the governor/mayor is paying attention or realizes that if the mta goes?? we ALL go bc im NOT paying $80+ a DAY to get to work. and  i feel BAD bc if push comes to shove? i can ask my mom, robert or one of my work friends for a ride to work. id have to go in EARLY but i can get there by car. what about all the other ppl who cant? who dont know anyone with a car/cant drive?? thats not FAIR ok

so this morning i had to cover a homeroom bc ppl are out. got the heads up early from someone i trust to do schedules so i wasnt upset with her at all

-i had too many classes today for them to give me an actual coverage today but overall there were 7 teachers out, and i think 10 support staff out. 

-got relieved for my 2nd period prep 15 minutes late bc they relieved my work mom 10 mins late BECAUSE-

-one of my work besties tested positive for covid right. and when she was informed our BRILLIANT PRINCIPAL. in her ALL ENCOMPASSING WISDOM tried to get her to stay

like stay in building and teach, even tho she was positive. just wanted to give her one of the k95 masks.

the only reason my friend got to go home is bc someone from the DISTRICT called the principal out and was like thats not protocol send her HOME

-AND THEN ok WEEKS AGO. before the break! i asked for clearer/written directions about what she wanted on the bulletin boards. 

ive been asking for this literally for months

TODAY

JANUARY 4TH 

she starts our meeting with “Well, im new here so you guys tell me whats the purpose of bulletin boards? lets get this written down so everyone can know what is expected.” 

pendejo, we have been ASKING this for literally 4 months and she just keeps AVOIDING fucking answering things

union rep: ok so if everyone has to do the bulletin boards in the rooms where they teach, and one in the hallway-how many boards are you expecting people to do?

her: you tell me. you make that decision. does someone want to go and count how many boards we have?

coworker: ok but what about the 7th grade? we teach in two hallways so do we need to do outside bulletin boards in both hallways? 

her: i mean, every hallway should have each subject represented

me: so you want me to do 6 bulletin boards? 2 in the hallways i teach, and 4 for the classrooms

her: well i guess if thats the number that you counted. 

i did get a text before i could respond back to her SO