#WAIT vita carnis. ok

[viovio]

urbanspook is shit and only now am I just properly hating it. you can't pay me to watch it though

[nineinch-nailgun]

I'm so sorry mimic enjoyers I got caught up in my ultrakill brainrot and forgot about yall.

for the sake of keeping everything together I'm going to re-upload the stuff I've already written on quotev first so this is just the first chapter lol.

Weird Pet pt. 1

You'd never really been one to worry too much about mimics or any of the vita carnis. You lived in a remote area, it's not like you get a ton of human flesh eating monsters at your door everyday. 

Well. That was until you saw the absolutely massive fleshy prick standing dead center of your bedroom, in the middle of trying to fold his arm up so he could get under your bed and wait to kill you in your sleep.

Naturally, this scares the shit out of you, and him as well. He wasn't expecting to be caught red-handed, or for you to stare at him that way. He didn't really seem to know what to do, until you took off running, that is. You sprinted off down your hall, adrenaline forcing your body forward as fast as your legs could carry you. You had to think fast, he was barreling after you, his gangly legs having little to no coordination, resulting in him slamming againsta wall or two. As you ran into the living room you thought quickly, grabbing the nearest object- a lamp- and smashing against the mimic's head. 

He was dazed momentarily, stumbling back and making a strange sound similar to a whine and a growl. He regained himself, stumbling after you and lunging around to try and get to you. You didn't even know how you were still on your feet, you'd managed to jerk away from him to this point, you needed a plan. Slowly, an idea formulated in your head. You moved quickly, stumbling out of the living room to the stairs, he chased you down into your basement, lunging as far as he could to reach you- only missing you by a little and slamming right into the bottom step. He scorpioned over the last step, his legs flying over his head. Part of you felt bad, he seemed kinda shitty at this whole 'chase and kill' thing. Although your empathy made it difficult, you decided to use this to your advantage.

You rush past him as he tried to scramble back up, he looked at you with a weird slackjawed look, he raced up the stairs after you, only to get a face full of door. You slammed the door and locked it shut, hearing a loud thud against it, accompanied by a sliding sound. You backed away, hearing the sound of ragged breathing, and then a frustrated grunt from the now imprisoned mimic.

A day had gone by since you'd captured the mimic, and you hadn't let it out, or called anyone.. your initial plan was to let it starve in your basement, but that just seemed cruel at this point. So you did some research on what tastes like human flesh (which made you absolutely certain you'd wind up on a government watch list) and found that ham was pretty close to human meat. "OK, so I'll just get him some ham... yeah... feed the mimic." you muttered out loud, debating with yourself over whether or not you actually should go and get food for the freaky fucker in your basement. Eventually you gave in, closing your front door behind you to go to the local convenience store. 

When you got home a pit had grown in your stomach, if you decided to take care of the mimic, you might get attached. So when it decides to eat you it won't just hurt physically but also emotionally. Whatever, feed it anyways. You take the ham, wrapped in plastic towards your basement door, unwrapping it so he wouldn't choke, and then staring at the door for roughly 2 minutes, still arguing with yourself over whether or not even opening the door was a good idea. Slowly, you twisted the door know, you couldn't see where he was- but you could hear him breathing. You threw the ham in and quickly slammed the door shut. You stayed there for a moment, wondering if he'd come and investigate or not. You heard some shuffling, but that was it.

[chaosoftheages]

Vita Carnis: Real Things I Said, Part 2

Link:

Key: Dialogue from the video is in italics.

*The last 30 seconds of The Mimic*

"What the fuck is going o-OH GOD" *gagging sounds*

My friend: WHAT THE-

*ad break*

"OH THANK FUCK IT'S OVER-"

The Harvesters

"This can't get worse."

"ok that's not so bad...why am I saying that it's probably gonna get worse."

"I'm sorry 6 feet?"

"WOAH WOAH THE TENDRILS CAN REACH ALMOST 500 FEET-"

"of course it's deadly-wait what?"

"Why does it look like it's from a Doom game?"

*Glaring at the Winnie The Pooh movie playing for my sister* Do you mind I'm giving myself nightmares for the next 5 decades?!

My friend: Those look like balls-

Me: Dude what the fuc-

"I'm sorry that thing has PARALYSIS ABILITIES?!"

"The prey will immediately collapse"

"OH HELL NO-"

My friend: Cause of death: blood loss.

Me: Dude.

"That shit be drinking blood. What is it, a vampire?"

"WELCOME TO THE UNDERGROUND-"

My friend: *humming the Stranger Things theme song*

"Causing very prominent plant growth-"

"Why does this sound like it's gonna get worse."

"-Attracting more animals."

"Yup. It got worse. I called it."

"Oh thank God the bunnies are saved."

"So the bunnies lure the foxes and shiz...oop-"

"SPECTACULAR?!? BITCH IT'S NOTHING BUT DEADLY-"

"Oh God it's coming for us-"

"OH GOD THERE'S NO CURE FUUUUUUU-"

"Oh yes, it's good for the ecosystem BITCH THAT SHIT IS GONNA WIPE OUT THE HUMAN RACE-

"DO NOT PANIC-BITCH THAT THING IS GONNA BE THE NEXT LEADING CAUSE OF DEATH OF COURSE IMMA PANIC!!!!"

"Yeah no I ain't sacrificing my computer to a fucking creature with a bulb that looks like someone's balls-"

My friend: Be naked.

Me: Sacrifice your balls if your gonna go naked.

My friend: No-

"The Host? Oh for fucks sakes-"

The Host

*Munches Oreos* This is a bad idea but I've done worse. Moving on-

"Semi-human organism BITCH THE FUCK-"

"Welp the planet ain't safe anymore Imma just move to another fucking planet OH WAIT THERE'S FUCKING ALIENS UP THERE FOR FUCKS SAKES-That's it I'm moving to Antarctica they can't get me there."

"Muscular tissue what-nows?"

"Yeah that's a monster from like...Silent Hill or Resident Evil or Dead by Daylight. I'm out."

"Oh so it basically can cause another worldwide pandemic. Okay!"

"Wait wait wait NORTH AMERICA?!!? OH FOR FUCKING FUCKS SAKES-"

"HAH SEE I CALLED IT WORLDWIDE PANDEMIC 2.0 BECAUSE OF THESE MOTHERFUCKERS-"

"Tf these bitches gonna do to my brain-"

"How do restlessness and sluggish movements end up on the same list of symptoms????"

"Impaired speech? Trembles??? Heh???? Elaborate."

"Ehjebe-CONTACT POISON CONTROL?!?!?!?!?!?"

*Gagging sounds*

"Oh for fucks sakes- why can't the symptoms just kill me? I'd rather die from a fuckin migraine than expose my fucking intenstines to THAT-"

"Tell me that bitch did not just take my heart and leave my dead body and blood behind THE HARVESTERS HAD THE AUDACITY TO TAKE MY BLOOD WITH IT-"

"How the fuck do you treat all of that in 36 hours-oh wait NVM. Let it just...be in another country so I can board a plane and never see it again because I ain't reaching that shit in 36 hours."

"I'm sorry, unroot?"

"The mono-what?"

The Monoliths

"Why the fuck did you just give me a laundry detergent ad."

"Where the fuck did that guy's arms go?"

"June of 1972 holy shit. Where?"

"OWWWWWWWWW MY EARDRUMS YOU BITCH-"

"Oh thank God there's only seven-"

"The Mono-Cult."

"OH FOR FUCKS SAKES IF I HEAR THAT DAMN SOUND ONE MORE TIME-"

"Titanic-sized? Is it the length of the titanic...wait wasn't that thing like 800 feet-OH HELL NO"

"Oh. 120 meters. Wait how much is tha-393 FEET?!?!?!??"

*Staring at the photo on screen*

"Are those it's feet?"

"Ehejebe holy shi-"

"Meaty what-now."

"Hardened W H A T."

"Illuminati: Upside Down Edition."

"This bitch is the new SCP 096 with those long ass...whatever's."

"What the monoliths do is simply stand and do nothing."

"Ex-fucking-cuse me?"

"O GOD THE SOUND IS BACK-"

"AGAIN SERIOUSLY?!?!? WE NEED THIS SHIT-"

"So the only information I have so far is it's only sighting was in June 1972, it's almost 400 feet tall, the seven existing Monoliths stand in a circular motion and play "Cult", and it stands there and doesn't do shit. That's it. All other information has left to meet Navy."

"Navy ik your a bitch but can I have that info please-"

"Ehejebe-"

"They dispatched the military?! THE MILITARY LOST?! HOW THE FU-"

"Woah woah woah DID THE ROCKETS WIN?!?!?!?"

"What's with the noises???"

"O shi-"

"Wait wait WHAT WAS THAT?!?!?!?"

"That low-key looked like that one Siren Head TikTok video I saw like 3 years ago."

"Oh. I don't think the rockets won."

The captions: Restricted to wall.

"Ok I can't take this damn video seriously with these fucking captions."

"Now only a grand spectacle of awe and mystery."

"A grand what of what and mystery?"

"Meat what nows."

"The last creature on this list is what? I need to know!!!! NAVY COME BACK HERE WITH MY INFO-"

"Thank you! Jesus Christ...The Singularity? Oh God what is this?"

The Singularity

"I'm about to turn into Melvin Sneedly from that one episode of Captain Underpants where he was just like "THE SINGULARITY!" for a horror story."

"I CAN'T READ JACK SHIT WHAT THE FUCK-"

"The Singularity is estimated to be about...1 meter in diameter? That thing is 3 feet? PFFFFFF-"

"Serveral unique qualities that are not well understood? From the picture it looks like a black orb in the sky."

"OHHHH THAT'S WHAT THE MONOLITHS ARE SURROUNDING-"

"So The Singularity is basically a floating ball and the singular...fuck, anyways...the singular time the Monoliths got aggressive was because of The Singularity. Interesting."

*Watching the Storybook video in confusion*

"...What the fuck did I just watch."

[chaosoftheages]

Vita Carnis: Real Thing I Said Reacting

Link:

The Crawl/Trimmings

"I'm sorry, that thing makes fucking organisms?"

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!"

"Why does it live for 2-4 years-HEY BITCH GET OUTTA MY TRASH!!!"

"I'm sorry, y'all wanna use that as a fucking pet? No. THAT POOR CAT BED-"

"The meat-what."

The Meat Snake

"Uh what the fuck is a meat snake?

My friend: Can I eat i-"

Me: No."

"WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?"

"Ew. Just ew."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"The way this bitch is fuckin Goldilocks because of it's "just right" temperature thing."

"28 YEARS OH HELL NAH-"

"Immune to disease FUCK THOSE PRESERVED CHEMICALS."

"Someone wipe out all animals ever or burn that thing...also how do you destroy that things coating?"

*Watches it chill on the side of a very nice river*

*Utterly traumatized*

"...EW-"

"THAT CAN REPRODUCE-?!"

"I don't think mitosis can create duplicate heads-WHY IS THERE ANOTHER MEAT SNAKE?!?!??!?! I STUDIED MITOSIS AND I DON'T THINK IT CAN DO THAT-"

"Meat snakes are tame my ass"

"Purple would probably throw concrete at that in Thanatophobia...or just stab it. He'd probably get consumed but like...wait it can't die by stab wounds PURPLE IN YOUR HANDS YOU SHALL HOLD A FLAMETHRO-wait he's in an abandoned city where the fuck is he gonna get a flamethrower-"

"MARVELOUS CREATURE MY ASS-"

"Yeah I bet they smell disgusting I can smell it through my damn computer screen."

"Why does that look like a human...The Mimic? Sounds like a Roblox game I played one. Wait...didn't Alan and DJ play that game one time?"

"40 meters in length? Okay that doesn't sound too ba-131 FEET OH HELL NAH-"

The Mimic

"Humans without ski-Humans without w h a t."

"Extended fingers, longer limbs...okay this is just the fuckin SCP 096 thing bc that bitches arms are l o n g."

"Ehjehbe bulging eyes what the fa-WHAT THE FACKQ IS THAT SMILE-"

*Takes one look at the teeth* "O H H E L L N A H-"

"A mature Mimic's diet is entirely comprised of human flesh."

"A mature Mimic's diet is entirely comprised of w h a t."

"KEEP THAT THING OUT OF NEVADA IF I SEE THAT SHIT WALKING TO MY FUCKING SCIENCE CLASS I AM MAKING MY TEACHER DO A LAB ON IT-"

*Looks at the map* "OH THANK GOD THAT THING IS STAYING AWAY FROM ME-"

*Traumatized expression watching the Mimic grow* "W h a t t h e h e l l-"

"Conceal itself-BITCH THAT THINGS ARM COULD REACH IT'S GODDAMN ANKLES THERE AIN'T CONCEALING THAT-"

"I'm sorry, but if I see that thing walking around in shorts and a crop top I will just fall on the sidewalk and cackle. If that thing eats me it can go right ahead I ain't taking it seriously it's in a fucking crop top."

"This is why I stay up all night. Thing can't get me if I ain't in REM sleep-"

"OW MY EARDRUMS-"

"Execute? Immediately begin consumption I TAKE IT BACK I AIN'T CACKLING I AM RUNNING-"

"I AIN'T EVEN SAFE READING FANFICTION AT 2AM?!??!! HELL NAH-"

"BOY YOU GOT ME HELPLE-OH MY GOD"

My friend: You can't even resist the urge to break out in a musical even in certain death?

Me: Girlypop I will start screaming the shit out of "You'll Be Back" until that bitch kills me.

"I'mma just-" *mutes video* ok now I can't hear the impending jumpscare."

"why is the jumpscare taking so long-HOLY SHIT NOT THE EYES-"

*Literally two seconds away from chucking my computer out the window*

"Please don't please for the love of God-HOLY SHITHFDFGVBHNJVBGFCGVHJKHGF" *screams from me and my friend*

*Me hiding behind my chair, shaking and breathing heavily* "Holy...holy shit.."

My friend: Your gonna keep watching, aren't you?"

Me: Yep.

"I'm sorry there's MORE STAGES-"

*Weary glances at my friend* bitch u a Mimic?

My friend: No?

Me: Wait those don't even spawn here HAH-

"Elder Mimic? What is tha-WHAT IS THE FACE?!?

My friend: That's scarier than the jumpscare

Me: THATS WHAT I SAID-

"Woah woah woah I can survive a Mimic attack HELL YEAH-"

"wait I can't set it on fire or assault it with a sledgehammer? WHAT'S THE POINT-"

"CAUSE YOUR ALL DRUNK IN MY KITCHEN CURLED IN THE FETAL POSITION-sorry they're in a fetal position that song flashed through my head."

"Hide somewhere low-"

My friend: SHAWTY GOT LOW LOW LOW LOW LOW-"

Me: I'm gonna smack you.

"The harvester?" *sees picture* "Ah shit-"

Part 2 coming soon!