#Vio feels guilt over his betrayal with Shadow and it haunts him

[starlitnova]

hear me out

four swords but silent hill

[aiden-png]

Hi, first thing I wanted to say is that I love your work! You put so much emotion (and angst) into your stories, and they are absolutely wonderful to read! You don't have to do this but maybe “I’m sorry” kiss with Vidow? Make sure to take care of yourself and drink lots of water!

omg thank you so much!! I’m glad you’ve been enjoying! it has taken me weeks to get to this request oops, but now I finally have the time :D also... the angst braincell ran away from me with this one, so it’s not a traditional kiss ^^; oops! I hope you’ll enjoy!

Vio couldn’t sleep. This wasn’t a new occurrence--in fact, it was far more common that Vio would remain awake late into the night than that he would get enough rest. All things considered, it was a rather normal night for the purple hero. He’d spent a few hours reading, another few studying at his desk, more still pacing as his mind buzzed loudly and his limbs coiled with nervous energy. He wouldn’t be able to sleep if he wanted to, and with the clock reading well past midnight Vio resigned himself to another sleepless night.

The fact that he couldn’t sleep wasn’t new. It was the reason why that plagued him.

In the dim candlelight Vio cast a tall shadow, one he couldn’t bear to look at as it paced with him. It had been a few weeks since the end of their adventure and every night had been harder than the last, every afternoon finding him holed up in his room to avoid the light. Each time Vio caught sight of his shadow, the pit in his stomach grew deeper. It was guilt, it was grief, it was confusing, and Vio didn’t know how to fix it. Each time he saw his shadow he noticed the slight differences, ones that never crossed his mind before the split, ones that stood out accusingly now.

The hat that curled and twisted whether Vio wore his own or not. The sharp spike of bangs when Vio’s laid flat. The attitude in the posture, the flickers he would catch from the corner of his eye when his shadow moved on its own. Vio wasn’t sure which was worse, thinking Shadow was dead, or knowing he was trapped somewhere he couldn’t reach.

Emotions were confusing, and Vio hated his. They made him clumsy and dulled his mind, pushed him to make rash decisions without logic. He had to be rational, logical, but every day his control slipped further. Every time his pacing brought his eyes upon Shadow he felt his chest tighten, his eyes sting. Vio cared about Shadow, too much if he was being truthful with himself. He’d known he was in too deep at the Tower of Flame, yet he’d pushed aside his feelings like always, not allowing himself to falter just for some silly crush.

He knew he’d fucked up. It ate at him, that first betrayal. The sound of Shadow’s pained screams as they’d killed him. His wheezing breaths in those final moments, surrounded by shards of dark glass. Every time Vio slept he was haunted by the memories, and each time he awoke those dreams became reality once more.

Vio’s eyes flicked to the wall, watching Shadow shift from where he’d sat, giving up on following Vio’s paces. His legs were tired, his head hurt, but Vio’s heart raced, unable to rest. With a sigh, Vio approached the wall and lowered himself until Hylian mimicked Shade, burying his face in his hands in frustration. The only sound was the occasional sputter of the candle wick and Vio’s uneven breaths, hitching more and more as the minutes passed. Tears pooled in his palms, shoulders hunched, and Vio bit his lip to stifle any sounds as he finally broke down.

“I’m sorry,” Vio whispered, the words catching in his throat. “I’m so sorry, Shadow. I was such an awful friend to you--”

Vio pulled his legs up, burying his face in his knees and wrapping his arms tightly around himself. Holding himself together while he felt shattered inside. He hated the pain in his chest and throb in his head, the uncomfortable heat of his cheeks and tears on his face, the way his body trembled beyond his control. Vio hated feeling so helpless, but there was no way to fix it. Not when the mirror was shattered beyond repair, not when the only person who could ease his pain was unreachable.

Vio peeked up through his bangs, taking in the hunched form of Shadow on the wall, the sad droop of his hat and curled position. Vio felt guilt and shame well up in him, but there was nothing he could do. Nothing he could say even, to remedy all the mistakes he had made. It wasn’t that simple.

Vio pressed his fingers to his lips, watching as Shadow’s head lifted curiously. Slowly, he reached out, and pressed his hand against the top of Shadow’s head on the wall. A small smile graced his lips as Shadow straightened up, a chuckle escaping as the shade tumbled backwards and touched his forehead. It was bittersweet, but it was all Vio could think to do.

Shadow shuffled forward, titled his head, and then moved his hand over his mouth. It was all in silhouette, but Vio understood nonetheless as Shadow’s hand raised outwards and paused. Vio moved forward until he could press his forehead against the hand, and though he felt nothing, not even a hint of cold or press against him, the gesture warmed his heart. When he pulled away Vio wiped his eyes, posture relaxing for the first time in weeks. He was sore, tired, but the grief had eased just a little. When he looked to Shadow again the shade mimed sleeping, head resting atop folded hands, and Vio couldn’t help but laugh.

“Alright, alright, I’ll go to bed,” Vio whispered, stretching his arms and feeling his spine straighten.

Vio stood stiffly, exhaustion hitting him at once as he did. It was only a few steps to his bed and he quickly collapsed onto it, not bothering to remove the scattered books as he curled on top of the covers. Shadow shook his head across the room, but he looked pleased with himself nonetheless.

It wasn’t a perfect situation. It wasn’t even good. But until Vio found the answers he was looking for, he supposed it was manageable. As long as he could glance at his shadow and know his partner was fine, that was much better than the alternative.

Vio reached towards his bedside table to quench the candle, pausing just before he brought the metal cap down. Shadow tilted his head, and Vio smiled. “Good night, Shadow.” he called, and the shade waved animatedly in return.

Vio put out the candle, and despite the quiet of his room, he felt safe knowing the darkness that bathed his room meant he’d never be alone.