#Very messy post but I feel like it's understandable
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Running a brief analysis of the Drakes vs (my conception of) the Fentons. It's fun.
Danny- My Parents Were Not Neglectful
Tim- I need you to understand that parents aren't supposed to poison their kids
It's not that Tim pities Danny, exactly? But I feel like Danny's incessant denial would bother him. He's like, I'm not here to tell you how to feel about all this, but Your Parents Absolutely Were Neglectful. Which is a tough thing to hear from Mr. My Parents Left Me Home Alone For Six Months.
Emotionally, the Fentons' pre-portal neglect probably had a lot fewer lasting effects on Danny, but there's a lot to be said for growing up in a house that was unsafe from the beginning.
Tim- Your House Had Traps In It
Danny- no it was just kind of messy
Tim- you tripped on wires and died
Danny- I Told You Not To Talk About That
As far as Tim is concerned, his parents loved him (wanted him to have the best of everything, wanted him to be happy and safe, wanted wanted wanted) but not enough to be physically or emotionally present - his dad didn't seem to know how even when he was trying. And Danny's parents loved him enough to be physically and emotionally present, but they sure as hell didn't seem to care if he was safe.
Danny- they were very protective of me!
Tim- they left unlabeled acid on the kitchen counter
Danny- I knew not to touch anything in a beaker
Tim- from experience?
Danny-
Danny- maybe
All of the post-portal shenanigans are a much messier issue that Tim isn't going to touch with a ten foot pole, but this is something he feels qualified to talk about. It's a very emotional conversation though. They're in very different places when it comes to accepting what their parents did wrong.
#tim drake#danny fenton#dpxdc#abuse tw#neglect tw#technically the poisoning probably counts as physical abuse?#but they felt that it was safe so it could probably be argued in court
231 notes
·
View notes
Text
“The love was there. It didn't change anything. It didn’t save anyone. There were just too many forces against it. But it still matters that the love was there.”
"Turn my eyes, I see you stare 'Cross the room and right at me Now you're smiling like you've got Like you've got something on your mind"
― Mehro, "chance with you"
and
"When you think no one's watching I'm watching only you When you feel no one's listening I hear through the noise to hear you"
― Shannon Saunders, "Atlas"
and
"Feeling the way you breath down my side I'll never escape you, I can never try Seeing the way you look in my eyes I'm lost in illusion, my world set aside"
― The Irrepressibles, "To Be"
and
"I wanna take you somewhere so you know I care
But it's so cold and I don't know where"
― Tom Odell, "Another Love"
and
“You're trying not to tell him you love him, and you're trying to choke down the feeling, and you're trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you've discovered something you don't even have a name for.” ― Richard Siken, Crush
and
“Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us.
These, our bodies, possessed by light.
Tell me we'll never get used to it.”
― Richard Siken, Crush
and
“We can't hold hands― Someone might see. Won't you please Hold toes with me?” ― Shel Silverstein, Every Thing on It
and
"Does it seem too hard? Does it seem alright To keep in touch?"
― Mehro, "hideous"
and
"How was the world before the big melt happened? How was the sun when it could touch your skin? How was it all before the city died?"
― Black Casino and the Ghost, "How Was the World"
and
"Can't you look at me? Am I that hideous to you? Can't you talk to me? Do I really mean nothing to you?"
― Mehro, "hideous"
and
"So this is the subterranean life. If it can't be conjugated onto us, what good is it?" ― John Ashbery, A Wave
and
“Sorry about that. Sorry about the bony elbows, sorry we lived here, sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell and how I ruined everything by saying it out loud. Especially that, but I should have known."
― Richard Siken, Crush
and
“With this bullet lodged in my chest, covered with your name, I will turn myself into a gun, because it’s all I have, because I’m hungry and hollow and just want something to call my own. I’ll be your slaughterhouse, your killing floor, your morgue and final resting, walking around with this bullet inside me ‘cause I couldn’t make you love me and I’m tired of pulling your teeth.” ― Richard Siken, Crush
and
“If you love me, Henry, you don’t love me in a way I understand.” ― Richard Siken, Crush
and
"How we got there, how we flew up Heaven's doors are miles away 'Cause you're stuck to the ground You have to stay"
― Panchiko, "Laputa"
and
“There are no happy endings. Endings are the saddest part, So just give me a happy middle And a very happy start.” ― Shel Silverstein, Every Thing on It
#gary roach sanderson#simon ghost riley#Roachposting#long text post#poems and quotes#Sorry guys I'm a firm believer in “Don't ask don't tell” 09 Roast. They loved eachother and they died with the idea they didn't.#The confession came too late. One was already dead. He'd had never heard it over the flames if he were alive.#Very messy post but I feel like it's understandable#mppost
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
not dipping back there again after this, but my opinion on where the discourse re: us politics is heading is not getting any nicer.
#thoughts#personal#not a vagueblog about any blog in particular#because it's been a deluge on my dash for a good two to three weeks from every side and almost every US blog I follow#I don't even disagree with the endgoal (I mean I extremely do but I understand the stakes)#but I deeply *deeply* disagree with the way it's all being framed#though I'm not surprised. and I wasn't expecting better.#but yeah in a couple of years we might all need to unpack what that strategy looked like from the outside.#because wow#the weaponization of “white guilt” in particular to silence what is often (from what I see) PoCs trying to express their loss of faith#is. so very revealing to me.#the assumption of motive and identity here and how much more convenient it feels than the actual messy complicated truth#I think the usage of “white guilt” and “white saviorism” as a weapon thrown in between white people to control each other's behavior#especially in moments like these where PoCs are explicitely demanding our collective solidarity and voice#is actually a conversation we should all very seriously have at some point#anyway.#not mad at anyone for wanting to vote for biden#kinda mad at a good 75% of the posts prompting people to do so however.
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Regarding the previous post, I think the way I approach trying to evaluate a piece of art is asking "Do I think the positive things I get out of it outweigh the parts of it that I don't like?" And when I call something a "guilty pleasure" song/show/book/piece of media/etc. it's really more in the sense of, "Given who I am as a person, the flaws I've found in this should be complete dealbreakers for me, but somehow they aren't, and it makes me feel like I'm having an identity crisis."
#like. I think something like...idk shiki or cxgf excels on multiple levels. I understand why I like them. given the things I look for in art#it makes sense that these shows would speak to me because they make the effort to showcase those things I look for. because the people#in charge of those works clearly valued the same kinds of things and cared about seriously exploring them.#but with something like. uh. ctrlz. that is NOT the case and I frequently found myself going 'why would anyone make this writing#decision?' but I still sat through all 3 seasons of it! I still really enjoyed it! those flaws SHOULD have made me give up according to#personal history but they never did. and I very very much genuinely question why. I have NO IDEA why I still care about this#silly convoluted teen drama show so much. but I do. I wrote SO MANY FUCKING POSTS ABOUT IT.#I really love wicked the musical. I've heard many people call it 'hokey' or 'cheesy' or 'objectively bad' but here's the thing! I DON'T#think it's bad!!! like literally at all!!!!!! and it does do some genuinely cool things in regard to the music and the way the characters#develop and what the show says about the nature of prejudice and human connection. is it like. idk Serious™ the way that something like#Parade is? no. but it doesn't have to be. it does what it sets out to do and it does it well and this is why the whole '''objective#evaluation''' thing doesn't actually mean anything. I value thoughtfully-constructed music and dynamic female characters#(which this musical has). I value stories that deal with the complex and messy feelings that come with being a human (which this musical#has). I value stories about 'other'ness and romantic subplots that aren't just built on 'This Girl Is Pretty' (which this musical has).#and I value professional displays of technical vocal ability because I know how fucking DIFFICULT that is (which this musical...if you cast#it well...has).#if you value something else in a musical then yeah you will probably think THIS one is '''objectively bad'''#if you don't see the point of musicals as an art form you will probably think wicked is '''objectively bad'''#do you see where the problem with categorizing analysis like this is??
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
"We should respect trans mascs and butches because they protect us at pride"
So I get what you're doing with trying to argue against the anti-masculinity crowd and trying to say that trans mascs and butches are an important part of pride as a way to emphasize our place in the community
But...
Why us?
Why are we disposable? Why are we not worthy of protection?
When are you going to protect us, too?
#'mascs do the protecting but i prommie its because im woke and not bc i love to reinforce gender norms that posit men as the protectors of#femininity'.#also i wanna say something similar about how ppl sometimes treat trans poc like this#like we are valuable not as people but as battering rams as bodies for white protection#but my thoughts are too messy rn to form the post well#goddd and how ppl treat butches is so fucked up.#i understand that butch lesbians roles are traditionally understood as being protectors but like#when are you going to protect butches? when are you going to get in someones face to protect them? how do you think disabled butches feel?#just... i feel like. ppl forget that feminity can also be weaponised in a good way#(not that you HAVE to weaponise femin. in order to protect mascs for any reason)#but like. im a 5'3 small femme. i very easily pass as an upper middle class woman.#i may be black/mixed but i have a mediumish skin tone and i live in canada#i absolutely have the power to step in front of someone and raise my voice in feminine indignation#what are you gonna do? hit me? youre gonna hit a tiny 5'3 'woman' in a skirt that has kitties on it?#the idea of feminine people as weak can cone in handy! because esp large men know they WILL face social consequences for hurting ppl#like me.#especially if i start crying.#itd be more effective if a white person did it but i have that power too
35 notes
·
View notes
Text
Me awake at 3 AM, thinking on who Heyleth will romance in BG3, because the obvious choice isn't an option.
Despite the fact that it's canon to me that Heyleth and Minsc are married, just in another universe, I guess.
#in my neverwinter mmo world they are very much a couple#got together probs a year after she and makos finally stopped actively seeking one another out#for those dont know makos the red becomes lich in one of the later dlcs#heyleth was hardly pleased that her boyfriend accepted death and then BOOM suddenly was an undead#and was angry at HER for not 'being understanding'#needless to say it was a very pained and just messy break up#for a year or two they kept seeking each other out as if rivals#they both just still had left over feelings and needed closure really#and like I said a year after that finally stopped she and Minsc became an item#ive rambled enough their relationship can be for another post#heyleth dawnwalker#minsc#makos the red#neverwinter mmo spoilers
0 notes
Text
Shower Suds.
summary: You give Soldat his first bath out of captivity.
warnings: Post!HYDRA Winter Soldier | Non-sexual nudity | Mentions of scars and injuries | Self-Harm mention | Post!HTP and abuse | PTSD symptoms & behavior
a/n: This wasn't supposed to be so long, but somehow it always happens when I write about him. Something sorta comforting with some recovery thrown in there. Unedited because I worked on this for so long lol ignore mistakes please! ;; wc: 5.8k
Filthy. You felt bad, really.
There was a lot of problems to tackle with Soldat's condition, but first thing's first...the soldier needed a bath. Badly.
He was dirty, his hair knotted, matted, greasy, his skin was covered in sweat and dirt, probably blood under the black uniform he still wore. The poor man stunk, and he didn't seem to even notice. Or care.
You found yourself in a bit of a hard situation, unsure of the best approach to cleanse him. A bath seemed problematic; he would essentially be marinating in his own grime, which was far from ideal. Would he sit for that long? Would he fight you? You weren't entirely positive.
On the other hand, a shower presented its own set of challenges. Your observations over the past days had revealed his struggle with prolonged standing. He didn't seem to want to stand for very long and often sat or laid down when he could. The majority of his time was spent either huddled in the furthest corner of the room or barricaded within the confines of the small closet, as if seeking refuge from an unseen threat.
As you mulled over the options, weighing the pros and cons of each, you ultimately figured a shower would be better in terms of cleanliness…if anything, you could have him sit in the bottom of the tub. Better than sitting in dirty water with the increased possibility of infection.
But there was one problem. How the hell would you get him into the bathroom in the first place?
You took a breath in, preparing for the worst, and went to the room he stayed in. It was the spare room in your apartment you barely used, but had been furnished as a bedroom in case someone you knew needed a place for a night or something. Not that you ever figured your friends would want to stay with you, you didn't have many to begin with. When you came in, your eyes scanned the room until they landed on him, spotting him huddled up in the corner like expected.
He didn't look up at you when you walked in, his gaze fixed downward and obscured by the curtain of his long, unkempt hair. The stillness that enveloped him was almost unnerving. Only when you took a few steps closer did he react, his head snapping up at you. His eyes bright blue against the dark, messy ink that surrounded them, like he tried to smudge off the black paint but failed.
You took another step forward, your movements slow and deliberate. You could see the change in his demeanor immediately with your approach, even as careful as it was; his breathing became more rapid and shallow, his chest rising and falling at an accelerated pace like he was preparing to be harmed.
"It's okay," you murmured softly, your voice barely above a whisper. Your hand extended slightly, palm open to try to soothe him. Carefully, you lowered yourself to his level, bending your knees until you were crouching before him. This position, you hoped, would make you appear less imposing and more approachable.
In the few days he had been in your care, you had begun to discern patterns in his behavior, learning to recognize the subtle cues that indicated his comfort level. You had started to understand which actions he perceived as threatening and which ones helped him feel more at ease. It was a delicate balance, one that required patience and constant observation, but you were determined to create an environment where he could begin to feel safe and secure.
"I think...a bath sounds nice. Doesn't it?" You asked him softly, smiling slightly to show you weren't intending to do any sort of harm. "It will feel good to clean off all that dirt...nice and warm water too...you've been shivering." You noted how cold he appeared to be, he was still latched in his cold clothes from when you found him. You were surprised the uniform kept in water.
He remained motionless, prompting you to reluctantly take a step backwards to leave him alone, you’d try later. As you turned away, the faint sound of movement caught your attention. Glancing back, you saw the soldier had risen to his feet, his eyes fixed upon you with an air of expectancy. "Would you like to come and shower?" you inquired, your voice barely above a whisper.
"Да." His voice was a harsh, grating sound, reminiscent of shattered glass scraping against parched earth. It was as though he hadn't uttered a word or tasted a drop of water in an eternity. Despite the brevity and roughness of his reply, it carried a weight of affirmation. You found yourself oddly relieved by this simple acknowledgment. It wasn't much, but in that moment, it felt like a significant step forward. The fact that he had agreed seemed like a small victory.
You had him in the bathroom. That was a good thing.
You pivoted slowly to face him, your gaze carefully scanning his imposing figure. For behaving so meekly, he was an intimidating body to be this close to. Your eyes meticulously traced the contours of his suit, lingering on the intricate array of tactical belts and buckles that adorned his outfit. Each piece seemed to serve a specific purpose, hinting at the dangerous nature of his profession. Your hand tentatively reached out, fingers trembling slightly as they approached one of the sturdy buckles.
Your action was met with an immediate and startling response from the soldier. His metal hand shot up with inhuman speed, grasping your wrist tightly, the cold metal a stark contrast to your warm skin. His hold was firm and unyielding, like a vice grip, yet it wasn't painful.
As his hand clasped around your wrist, his entire body tensed, transforming into a living statue. You couldn't help but flinch slightly at the abruptness of his reaction, your body instinctively recoiling even as his grip held you in place.
"I-It's okay, I promise," you managed to say, your voice deliberately calm and steady to avoid startling him further. You took a deep breath, choosing your words carefully. "I'm just going to help you undress for the shower... I promise I won't hurt you or do anything you're not comfortable with. We're just getting you cleaned up, that's all."
Your words didn't seem to have much effect at first. His eyes narrowed suspiciously, and his jaw flexed with tension. You remained patient, maintaining a soothing tone and open body language. "Take all the time you need," you added softly. "I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere. It’s just you and me." His eyes scanned you intently, searching for any hint of deception or ill intent. You met his gaze steadily, allowing him to see the sincerity in your eyes. After what felt like an eternity, his grip on your wrist slowly loosened until he finally released you completely.
Second time's the charm. You reached out with steady hands, your fingers finding the first buckle on his tactical suit. With careful precision, you unfastened it, the metallic click echoing softly in the bathroom. Then, you moved to the next one, and the next, methodically working your way through each fastening. The process was slow but deliberate, each buckle giving way under your patient touch until, finally, the last one came undone. You paused, surveying your handiwork as the suit lay open, no longer confining him.
With the buckles undone, your attention turned to the decked out belt encircling his hips. You grasped the front, feeling the sturdy material beneath your fingers. You pulled the belt free from the thick buckle, the black leather sliding smoothly through the loops. As you removed the belt, you took care to lay it gently on the floor beside you, the heavy belt colliding with the tile was bound to make him jump and you didn’t want that.
The belt now removed, you returned your focus to the suit itself. Your hands found the straps, and you began to loosen them, pulling them out slowly and methodically. His uniform reminded you of a rehashed straight jacket, the uniform nearly acting just as one. When the tight suit gradually relinquished its grip, you noticed an immediate change in the soldier’s demeanor. The restrictive pressure eased, and you could see his chest rise and fall more freely. It was as if a weight had been lifted, allowing him to breathe deeply for the first time in who knows how long.
You watched, a mix of concern and relief washing over you, as he took in several deep breaths. The realization hit you then, a jolt of disbelief and worry. The suit had been so constricting that it had barely allowed him to breathe properly. The thought was infuriating. What kind of protection was that? What twisted logic had led to the creation of gear that endangered its wearer almost as much as it shielded them? You found yourself shaking your head in disbelief. What the hell...
"There we go...good..." You praised calmly, your voice a soothing whisper in the quiet room. He stood before you, now shirtless, his muscular frame tense with anticipation as he awaited your next move. Your eyes couldn't help but linger on his exposed torso, taking in every detail of his battle-worn body.
His skin was a canvas marked by the harsh realities of his past. Bruises in various stages of healing painted his flesh in a morbid palette of purples, yellows, and greens. Fresh cuts, angry and red, intermingled with older, silvery scars, creating a chaotic tapestry across his skin. Each mark had a different cause, accidental, intentional, self inflicted.
Your gaze was inevitably drawn to the most prominent feature: the junction where flesh met metal at his shoulder. The scar tissue surrounding his prosthetic arm was a sight that made your heart ache. It wasn't a clean, surgical line as one might expect, but rather a jagged, angry border that spoke of crude methods and little regard for the body it was attached to. The metal seemed to dig cruelly into his flesh, as if it were trying to consume more of him. You couldn't help but wonder about the pain he must have endured during the procedure, imagining how they had torn him apart with brutal efficiency, prioritizing function over comfort or aesthetics.
Despite the visible evidence of his suffering, he stood tall and stoic, awaiting your next move with a mixture of trust and trepidation in his eyes.
You offered him a gentle, comforting smile, you were acutely aware of his attempts to appear strong, but the reality of his fear was unmistakable. In that spare room, his demeanor reminded you of a cornered animal, flinching and retreating whenever the door creaked open. He cowered from you, even when you tried to give him water to drink. The sight tugged at your heartstrings, you didn’t know much of what happened just yet, but you knew whatever it was must’ve been utterly horrific.
"I'm going to help you out of your trousers now," you explained in a soft, reassuring tone. "Then we'll get you into the shower. The warm water will help you feel better, I promise." You paused, giving him a moment to process your words before adding, "Is that okay with you?"
He remained motionless. His lack of response was telling - not a nod, not a word, not even a flicker of acknowledgment in his eyes. He simply stood there, statuesque, as if bracing himself for whatever was to come next. The stillness was almost eerie, so you took a deep breath, steeling yourself for what was going to come. You truly hoped he wouldn't begin to put up a fight randomly, you knew you couldn't take him if he did.
You grasped the zipper of his pants and slowly pulled it down, the metallic sound echoing in the quiet room. As the fabric loosened, you gently tugged at the waistband, shuffling them down his muscular thighs and allowing the pants to fall around his ankles. Without a word, he stepped out of them, his movements controlled as he jerked his foot to get the leg of the pants off completely.
His gaze remained fixed on you, his expression betraying no hint of discomfort or self-consciousness at his state of undress. You found yourself averting your eyes, a mix of respect for his privacy and your own sudden shyness causing you to look away.
Turning your attention to the shower, you reached out and adjusted the taps, your hand testing the water until it reached a comfortably warm temperature, you could always adjust it upon request. The sound of cascading water filled the bathroom, creating a soothing ambiance. Once satisfied with the water's warmth, you looked back towards him, your arm extending in a welcoming gesture towards the bathtub. "Come on," you encouraged, your voice soft and inviting, "it's nice and warm." A gentle smile played on your lips, your expression meant to convey comfort and reassurance.
But even with your efforts, he remained motionless, his feet seemingly rooted to the spot where he stood. His lack of movement prompted you to maintain your encouraging demeanor, your smile unwavering as you waited patiently for him to make a decision.
The steam from the shower began to fill the room, creating a misty atmosphere that hung between you, yet he showed no signs of stepping forward or retreating. He just stood there, planted like a tree. You frowned, seeing that he wasn't going to budge.
"Hey, it's okay," you said softly, "It's just water, and it's nice and warm. I promise it will feel so good. You've been shivering for a while now, and I bet the warmth will be really comforting for your cold skin. There's nothing to be afraid of." You continued to encourage him, your tone patient and understanding.
The soldier's reaction was tense and wary. His metal arm plates made a series of soft clicking sounds as he shifted his arm and adjusted his stance, his body language radiating discomfort and distrust, maybe even a hint of growing agitation. The way he eyed the water, you could have sworn he thought you were about to subject him to some form of aquatic torture. His entire demeanor screamed of deep-seated fear and suspicion.
"It's alright, really... Look, see?" You demonstrated by reaching out and touching the water, letting your fingers trail through the warm liquid. You made sure he could clearly see that the water didn't cause you any harm or discomfort. Could he be afraid of the water? The concept seemed strange, but then again, you didn't really know or understand the full extent of his experiences or traumas. You had made so much progress with him already, and now all that remained was for him to sit under the water and allow you to wash him. It seemed so simple, and yet you could see the monumental struggle playing out behind his eyes.
He finally seemed to respond when he observed that you remained unharmed by the water, and he cautiously approached, his movements slow and deliberate. His eyes wore wariness with a flicker of curiosity, carefully scanning your form and ensuring you made no abrupt or threatening gestures. As he inched closer, his body language betrayed a conflicting desire for comfort and an instinctive need for self-preservation.
Once he had convinced himself of a relative level of safety, he gingerly stepped into the bath. The warmth of the water seemed to catch him off guard, and with an almost childlike lack of grace, he unceremoniously lowered himself into a sitting position with a loud thud and for a moment, he appeared startled by his own actions.
Now fully seated on the bottom of the tub, he allowed the soothing warmth of the water to cascade down his dirt-encrusted body. The grime that had accumulated over time began to loosen and swirl around him, running down his body and creating murky patterns at the bottom of the textured bathtub.
He sat motionless, gradually acclimating to the comforting warmth of the water cascading down his back in a gentle, soothing shower. It was foreign to him, a luxury he had been denied for far too long. His time with HYDRA had been bereft of such simple comforts; the organization was a cruel and unforgiving entity, more akin to a heartless taskmaster than a nurturing presence.
His experiences with something as harmless as water was vastly different to what you were treating him with now - he was subjected to harsh, icy streams forcefully directed at him, the intense pressure through the hose so severe it felt as though it was stripping away layers of his skin.
He remembers being forcibly submerged by his handlers, a cruel and twisted game that shattered his expectations of a simple, cleansing bath. What should have been a moment of respite transformed into a nightmarish struggle for survival, where he was forced to submit to their ruthless whims.
The memory of sharp, abrasive bristles tearing at his skin and the application of painful, saline substances lingers. He didn’t want to think about the unnecessary groping he encountered either, something he wished he forgot along with his life during the chair’s wipes.
These traumatic encounters left an indelible mark on his psyche, turning what should have been a basic human necessity into a source of fear and anxiety. The handlers' sadistic approach to something as fundamental as personal hygiene served as a constant reinforcement of their control over every aspect of his existence, even the most intimate and essential.
For him, the act of bathing became synonymous with vulnerability, pain, and the complete loss of autonomy, a far cry from the soothing, rejuvenating experience it was meant to be.
This gentle treatment you were providing was so different from the abusive handling he had endured in HYDRA, it almost caused him to panic, the feigning comforts he were offered by handlers before tricked him too many times, and he refused to let his guard down.
His glacial eyes gazed up at you, the poor man looked absolutely pitiful under the steamy water, his once greasy hair now thoroughly soaked as rivulets ran down the contours of his entire body. You took a breath and exhaled out a soft sigh, your hand slowly reaching for your own body wash. You didn't have any products specifically designed for men, so your expensive shampoo would have to suffice until you went shopping.
You pumped the bottle twice, watching as the clear, slightly viscous shampoo pooled into your open palm and the refreshing scent of cucumber and mint permeated the humid air, filling your nostrils with its crisp, clean aroma. You turned and addressed him softly, "Alright, I'm going to wash your hair now. Just try to relax and sit still for me, okay? This might feel a bit cold at first, but I promise it'll feel good once I start massaging it in."
The soldier regarded you with an inscrutable expression, his eyes betraying only a hint of that fight-or-flight instinct, his mind was reeling as he battled the urge to respond to your presence. You knew he had the strength to easily break your arm if he chose to, so you tried your best to be as slow and careful as possible. Your fingers delicately threaded through his hair, methodically working the shampoo into a rich lather. You watched as the suds multiplied and foamed, the soapy shampoo pure white on top and slowly stained the closer it was to his scalp.
You noticed that every so often he would flinch ever so slightly or instinctively pull away from your hands. You wondered if he had hidden injuries or tender spots on his scalp, or bruises or cuts concealed beneath his hair, or maybe knots of tension that had formed from prolonged stress or blunt impacts. His hair must’ve been yanked around, his scalp was extremely tender and while you did your best to soothingly massage, he didn’t enjoy it as much as you hoped because of the discomfort there.
"It's okay, I understand it might be a bit uncomfortable. I’m just getting all that pesky dirt and grime out." You spoke in a gentle, reassuring tone, moving a little bit quicker so you could rinse and move on. After thoroughly rinsing his hair, you applied conditioner in the same manner as the shampoo, and then rinsed it out again. He looked much better now, his hair was now clean, wet, and sleek, with a smooth texture and a noticeable shine. It was so much better than before, and it had to feel better too.
Your hand extended under the rain of water, dampening a soft, handheld washcloth and applying a generous amount of body wash to it. You worked the cloth until it produced a rich lather. The soldier moved which caught your eye, you looked up at him and saw he had recoiled, his gaze fixed warily on the washcloth. He became noticeably slower and more hesitant, his eyes widening slightly as he regarded the cloth with apparent apprehension, as if it posed a threat. You furrowed your brow at his reaction to the cloth, he looked at it like you held a weapon of some kind.
"Hey, it’s alright…this won’t hurt. It’s just a cloth, see? A cloth with some soap," you said softly, you felt so torn up about his reaction to the simplest of things. "I won't hurt you, I promise, I'm just going to wash you a bit...get all that dirt and blood off you." You raised your hand holding the washcloth in a placating gesture. “It’s warm, it will feel good scrubbing off all that dirt, you’ll be nice and clean.”
Gradually, he relented and shifted backwards to where he had been sitting, permitting you to gently glide the damp cloth across his skin, meticulously removing every trace of grime from his body. After a few minutes of washing him, you noticed he was beginning to find comfort in the experience. His eyelids drooped, and his head dipped down slightly, a tired expression settling over his features as he succumbed to the soothing sensation of your ministrations. He wasn’t exactly serene, but he was too drowsy to focus on much else other than the feeling of the rag gliding over his back and flesh arm.
You adjusted him and you tended to his metal arm, diligently working the cloth between the intricate plates and joints of titanium, ensuring that no speck of dirt remained. You weren’t exactly sure how the arm was cleaned prior to finding him, but clearly there wasn’t a worry about rust or anything of the sort. The soldier remained motionless, allowing you unhindered access as the warm water cascaded over his back, leaving a rosy tinge in its wake. He enjoyed the hot temperature, he hadn’t felt hot water in decades.
Your focus then shifted to his lower extremities, concentrating on scrubbing his legs and feet. As the rag moved up to a more sensitive area, you paused, pulling the rag off his skin and slowly extending the washcloth to him. You pointed towards his privates, you softly instructed, "You can…get right there, I’d rather not touch you in that spot."
The furrow on the soldier's brow gave away his visible confusion, his eyes darting between you and the offered rag with a mixture of uncertainty and hesitation. It was clear that he was contemplating with the decision of whether to accept your gesture or not, if there was an ulterior motive, or if this was some sort of test. After what seemed like an eternity of internal debate, he finally extended a trembling hand towards you. His movements were slow and deliberate, as if he were approaching a wild animal rather than a simple cloth.
He grasped the rag from your outstretched palm, his fingers curling around it slowly. Once in possession of the cloth, he set about the task of cleaning himself. His actions, though quick, lacked the assurance of someone accustomed to such basic self-care. Each motion seemed so carefully calculated, as if he were relearning a long-forgotten, essential skill. It had been so long since he was allowed to clean himself. His movements were unsteady, his hands quivering slightly as he went about his ablutions.
It had clearly been an extensive period since he had been granted even this small measure of independence. The concept of autonomy was a luxury he had been denied for far too long.
When he was done with his hurried cleansing, the soldier's gaze immediately sought yours out. His eyes, still holding the rag, were filled with expectation, awaiting your next command. His posture tense and ready to respond to whatever instruction you might provide. The rag remained clutched in his hand, as if he were unsure whether to return it or continue holding onto this small token of independence.
"Good, you're all done," you offered a warm smile to him. Despite the wounds still visible on his body, you felt a sense of accomplishment knowing that at least the layers of dirt and grime had been washed away, your work getting him clean would pay off and be better for the both of you. You reached over and turned off the water, the sudden silence broken only by the soft dripping from the showerhead. "Let's get you dried off," you said softly, gesturing for him to step out of the shower.
He complied wordlessly, his movements careful as he stepped onto the bathroom mat. You couldn't help but notice how vulnerable he looked, standing there dripping wet, his eyes never leaving your face, his body completely littered in discoloration. Reaching for a large, fluffy towel, you unfolded it and wrapped it around his shoulders, enveloping him in its warmth to fight off the rapidly cooling water droplets all over him.
As you began to slowly dry his body, you noticed a change come over him. His softened expression now returned to its usual blank mask and the brief relaxation he showed in the shower was long gone by now. His body returned to the stiffness he had before he got in. His eyes remained fixed on you, following your every movement with an intensity that was almost unnerving.
You worked in the quiet calm of the bathroom, carefully patting dry each part of his body, mindful of his injuries. The soldier remained motionless, allowing you to maneuver him as needed, but offering no assistance, like a doll. It was as if he had retreated back into himself, leaving only an empty shell for you to tend to. You wondered what he was thinking behind those watchful, guarded eyes, they were pretty up close. Glacial, stormy blue irises that had been glued to you since you started to tend to him.
After drying him off, you were lucky to find a pair of boxers in your apartment and helped him into them, where they came from wasn’t something you could remember at the moment, but you were glad you had them. He cooperated as you dressed him, then stood there clutching the towel around himself like a security blanket.
His gaze fixed on you with a mixture of expectation and vulnerability, as if silently asking for further guidance or comfort. His wide eyes blinked languidly, and his soft pink lips formed an almost imperceptible pout, giving him an endearing, slightly lost appearance.
Lost. He embodied the word entirely. Physically, mentally, emotionally.
Taking in his disheveled state, you smiled a little, "How about we get your hair detangled, hm?" Your voice was warm and reassuring as you reached up, your fingers lightly brushing against the damp strands, feeling the water practically seep out of the ends.
The soldier's reaction was a mix of acceptance and hesitation. While he didn't outright reject the idea, there was a noticeable lack of enthusiasm in his demeanor. However he didn’t dare reject the idea, worried about any kind of retaliation. So he made his way to the stool nestled beneath the counter and lowered himself onto it. As he settled into position, maintaining a stoic silence, his eyes continued to convey that enigmatic expression, hinting at unspoken thoughts or emotions.
You positioned yourself behind him, your hands instinctively reaching for a comb and a bottle of detangling spray already sat out from your use earlier that day. You recalled how your fingers had encountered numerous knots and tangles when you washed his hair, and thinking about how knotted it looked dirty made you sigh outwardly.
The fine mist of the detangling spray settled on his hair as you applied it methodically, you guided the comb through his locks, working patiently to untangle any knots you encountered. You tried to be as gentle as possible, knowing not only were there a ton of knots, but you remembered his scalp was especially sensitive and sore.
Soldat remained still as a statue, his posture composed and unwavering. His disciplined demeanor allowed you to work unimpeded, your movements careful and unhurried. He maintained a firm grip on the towel draped securely around his body, the fabric acting almost like a barrier and protecting him from the world. You continued to work the comb through his hair, encountering tangles and knots that spoke of recent exertion or neglect.
The process of detangling was slow, your touch continued to be gentle yet purposeful, muttering soft apologies when you ran into an unexpected knot. Teasing apart the snarls with patience and skill, the resistance lessened, and you found yourself able to run the comb smoothly through his hair, the strands falling into neat alignment.
"There we are... much better," you praised softly, your voice barely above a whisper. The sight of his hair, now brushed out and free of tangles, felt like a monumental achievement. You couldn't help but admire how the clean, detangled strands caught the light, a stark contrast to their earlier disheveled state. Your fingers ran through his locks, gently ruffling the hair from being so flat against his scalp.
You couldn't help but notice the angry red lines marring his skin, peeking out from beneath the towel. The blotchy colors on his skin that ranged from purple to blue, it made you frown. Your instincts as a caretaker kicked in, and you found yourself wondering if he would allow you to tend to those wounds. Hesitantly, you reached out, your fingers barely grazing the edge of the towel just wanting to get a better look at them.
In an instant the soldier suddenly sprang to life, standing with such force that the stool he had been perched on skidded across the tile floor, the harsh scraping sound shattering the previous calm. He retreated to the far corner of the bathroom, his body language screaming defensiveness.
His eyes, which had been closed or downcast for most of your interaction, now bore into you with an intensity that made you freeze. They held fear, yes, but also a raw, primal aggression that sent a shiver down your spine. It was the look of a cornered animal, ready to lash out at the slightest provocation.
You immediately backpedaled, not wanting to trigger any aggression from him. "Okay, okay... no wound checks," you reassured as you raised your hands in a gesture of surrender. You took a step back, giving him more space, silently cursing yourself for pushing too far, too fast. The fragile trust you had built over the past few minutes seemed to hang by a thread, you didn’t want to snap the little you had.
Your words had a calming effect on Soldat, who clutched the towel tightly in his fists, ensuring it remained securely wrapped around him. His gaze drifted down to his soiled attire, prompting you to shake your head in disapproval. "No, those definitely need to be washed," you explained, your voice dropping to a thoughtful murmur, "And to be honest, these can hardly be called proper clothes. I'll make sure to get you some suitable ones tomorrow, alright?"
Soldat's eyes met yours once more, his gaze still carrying a hint of coldness and wariness, but he managed a brief, almost imperceptible nod of acknowledgment. You gathered his discarded garments and deposited them into the washing machine, silently hoping that the combination of leather and other materials wouldn't prove too much for the aging appliance. The damn thing had to be ran twice already, you just couldn’t afford to buy a new one right now.
As you busied yourself with setting the appropriate wash cycle, Soldat seized the opportunity to hastily retreat to the room that had been designated as his temporary living space.
He immediately gravitated towards the floor, as he had been the past few days. You hadn't seen him use the bed at all, rather stay cuddled in the corner or inside the small space of the closet. The towel long forgotten and laid splayed out on the floor, he ripped the blankets off the bed in one fluid motion and proceeded to wrap himself up in them, burrowing beneath the layers of fabric for comfort and security. The blankets having replaced the towel's symbolism for safety.
You wished he’d rest on the bed rather than the floor, but you knew better than to try to alter what he was doing. Leave him to be comfortable on his own, that is the best thing to do in this situation. And if Soldat wants to sleep on the floor in a huddle of blankets, then fine.
You approached the doorway, peering inside to see him nestled in a cocoon of blankets. His exhaustion was written on his face, yet there was a noticeable improvement in his appearance. The layer of grime and perspiration that had clung to his skin was now gone, you knew he had to feel somewhat refreshed.
You cautiously stepped into the room and made your way towards him, acutely aware of how his body tensed at your approach. In response to your closer proximity, he burrowed deeper into the thick comforter that enveloped him, seeking refuge from your presence.
A soft, reassuring sound escaped your lips as you placed a water bottle within his reach. As you anticipated, he remained motionless under the comforter, offering no acknowledgment of your thoughtful action. He stayed hidden beneath the layers of fabric, like a child seeking shelter from imaginary monsters lurking in the shadows.
"Get some rest, Soldat..." you whispered gently, your voice barely above a murmur. "I'll be down in the other room if you need anything. Don't hesitate to call for me, even for the smallest thing." With that reassurance, you slowly stood back up and turned to walk out. A faint noise suddenly caught your attention, causing you to pause mid-step.
The gentle rustling of the comforter drew your gaze back towards the floor, curiosity piquing your interest. The soldier cautiously peeked out from under the blanket's edge. His tired, weary eyes met your inquisitive ones, there was a beat of silence.
"Спасибо," the soldier rasped out, his voice meek and slightly hoarse from disuse, but still loud enough for you to hear clearly.
"You're welcome..."
Dividers by @/strangergraphics
Cover images from Pinterest. I do not claim them as my own.
#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#the winter soldier#the winter soldier x reader#winter soldier#winter soldier x reader#bucky barnes x you#winter soldier x you#james buchanan barnes#james buchanan barnes x reader#james buchanan bucky barnes#captain america the winter soldier#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes oneshot#blythewrites⛓
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
love bites
kenma, tsukki, kageyama, hinata; 2,025 words; fluff, slightly suggestive, mentions of hickies, no "y/n", fem!reader, whiney!kageyama, dom!hinata, tsukki being... tsukki, post timeskip!characters
summary: these hickeys like the remnants of our love, footsteps on the sea-soaked sand, a line of demarcation -- here is where our story begins.
a/n: i just rly wanted to write about hq! babes and hickies...
kenma.
the first time it happens, it’s a mistake — a brief moment of vindictiveness manifest in the way he whines and nuzzles into your neck before opening his mouth and sinking his teeth into your skin. when you gasp, your head tipping back, kenma pauses, pulling back, his mind already cataloging this very interesting new piece of information for later use, but his eyes have yet to catch up — his body has yet to catch up with the sight of you, cheeks pink, lips parted, eyes slightly glazed over as you stare ruefully up at him, a hand coming up to press over your mouth as you frown.
“w-what was that for?”
kenma hums, sitting back with a pout, “you were the one being unfair.”
you scowl, “how was i being unfair? you lost the game fair and square — the stakes were loser does the dishes.”
kenma sniffs, his nose crinkling at the thought, “but we have a dishwasher — it’s literally in the name —”
“but the nice wine glasses can’t be put through the dishwasher!”
you push yourself up onto your elbows even as kenma slumps back on the sofa, groaning loudly. still, he lets his head slump to one side to stare at the rapidly darkening patch of skin at the junction of your neck and shoulders. there’s something that feels dangerously like desire calcifying in the pit of his stomach and he weighs the pros and cons of leaning forward to give you another good bite.
really, dinner was great, dessert was better but — this.
suddenly, he understands what his teammates had always meant when they’d said they could keep on eating forever, even when their stomachs were full to bursting, even when they thought they’d be ill.
“stupid wine glasses…” he murmurs, leaning forward to prop his chin on your shoulder. you laugh, a soft, breathy thing as you reach out to tug a strand of hair from his low, messy bun.
“but the wine was good, no?”
kenma hums, letting his head loll back and forth, his eyes flickering down once more to the round ring of red now rising against your skin. he allows himself a tiny grin, leaning forward to press a kiss over the tender flesh. he makes note of the way you gasp, soft and expectant, the way your body seems to tense and then go laxed beneath his hands.
“yeah…” he whispers, smirking as he sinks delicate fingers into your hair, gently shifting your head to one side to allow him more access, “guess it was good…”
he presses another kiss to your neck, just slightly below the reddening hickey.
“g-guess? that was — a-an expensive bottle…”
“hmmm…” kenma trails his lips down over your shoulder, tugging lightly at your shirt, the wide collar falling away easily. when he finds yet another patch of unmarred skin, grazing his teeth over it, he feels the way you reach up to fist your fingers in his hair.
“’zume… don’t think you can get out of doing the dishes like this…”
kenma laughs, letting his breath puff out against your skin seconds before he opens his mouth and takes another soft bite. he doesn’t miss the way you whimper this time, doesn’t mistake the hitch in your breath for something like surprise when he knows better — and he knows you best of all.
“not trying to get out of doing it… just… we never specified when the loser has to do the dishes so…” he licks his lips, glancing up at you with a bright, devilish flicker behind his eyes, “i’m just taking my time with the meal. nothing wrong with that, right?”
tsukki.
it is a normal thing, for you to wake up in the morning and find remnants of the night before scattered across your skin like sand dollars littered upon a stretch of beloved beach. and tsukishima is never apologetic — ever.
if anything, he looks upon his work with pride, smirking as you tug at the collar of your shirt, tutting.
“tsukki… i told you not to bite so hard…”
“hmm… sorry, i must’ve forgotten,” he props a cheek on his hand, peering at you over his glasses, his tone the farthest thing from apologetic, “heat of the moment and all.”
you shoot him a reproachful look in the mirror and watch as his grin widens ever so slightly.
“the girls are the museum are gonna have a field day with this.”
tsukishima shrugs, slumping back into the bed with a loud, long sigh.
“dunno why girls have such a weird fixation on other people’s boyfriends. ‘s not like it’s any of their business.”
you tug listlessly at the collar of your button up shirt, resigned to the fact that you’ll never be able to hide the marks properly as you heave another sigh.
“it’s just how we communicate — it’s like… how guys sometimes just need to like… punch it out — or whatever.”
“or whatever?” tsukishima almost chortles, rolling over onto his stomach again. your schedules at the museum only overlap 2 days a week, and the rest of the days, either he’s off or you are. it’s a miracle the pair of you were able to meet in the first place, let alone hit it off like you did.
“yeah. i don’t know how guys communicate,” you say, even as tsukishima swings out of bed to come up behind you, looping his arms around your middle.
“we… don’t, really,” he admits, in a customary deadpan, propping his chin on the top of your head with obscene ease. you frown up at him, tilting your head back till it hits the middle of his chest.
“you’re gonna make me late again.”
“so?”
“so — unless you want me to get fired —”
“they’re not gonna fire you. you’re too good at… cataloging maps, or whatever it is you guys do in the cartography department.”
tsukishima spins you around his arms, pressing you lightly back against the mirror. he considers you for a moment, with eyes just sharp enough to pass for academic interest, but you see the darkness misting its depths, the pressure in his fingertips as he leans in to seal his lips over yours in a kiss that could only be called searing.
you break away gasping, only to feel his lips trail fire down your neck seconds before —
“t-tsukki — !”
he pulls back with a satisfied smirk; you can feel yet another bruise blooming along your skin.
“there. one more thing for you and your girlfriends to bond over, hm?”
kageyama.
it is a deliberate thing, the first time. but kageyama remembers the strange gravity, the tug just behind his navel, the persistent itch of curiosity as he leans forward to sink his teeth into your skin.
he likes the way you hiss, the way you go soft in his arms, the pair of you already a pile of tangled limbs on the massive sectional in the living room, the lights dimmed, half a bottle of red wine yet un-drunk on the coffee table.
“tobio… what —”
he hums, burying his face in your shoulder, fingers digging into your sides.
“… something i wanted to try…”
“hm?” you gently card your fingers through his hair, quirking your head to one side.
“it’s just —” he pulls back, a deep blush prickling his cheeks as he looks anywhere but at you, “something… i’ve wanted to try. for — a while,” he admits, looking shockingly small for a internationally renowned volleyball player, hunched over on the couch like this, his lips stained dark with wine.
you giggle, leaning up to tilt his chin back towards yours.
“sure. you can try whatever you want.”
you lay back, stretching out beneath him, pliant and willing, and kageyama goes still for a solid four seconds before he narrows his eyes, an un-namable hunger clawing at his insides as he pulls you beneath him and groans into your skin.
he likes the way the colors seep the surface of your skin, likes the way it’s so obvious against the bright of your collarbones. he spends all of the following day in an intoxicatingly good mood, to the point where his teammates are understandable suspicious. but he just tells them he slept well, that he had a good dinner last night, that wine was really, really delicious.
and that thanks for the recommendation.
hinata.
brazil has changed him, in more ways than you can count, but at the same time, in some ways, he is just, just the same.
“s-shou-you!”
“mmm —” he whines sucking a deep hickey into the junction of your neck, his pupils blown wide as he pulls back, lips split into a too-pleased grin, “what is it? did i hurt you?”
there’s the barest hint of a tease in his voice, and anyone else might’ve thought he’s completely serious, that he’s actually worried. and in a sense, he is — he’d never want to actually hurt you. but he also knows that — to a certain degree, you revel in this kind of pain.
you chew on your bottom lip, shaking your head.
“no… it’s — it’s okay.”
“yeah?” he sounds entirely too happy with himself as he reaches forward to thumb at the damp spot on your skin, “ah… that one’ll be pretty. just like you!”
he laughs, his joy so pure and infectious that it makes you blush. you look away.
“shou…?”
“hm? what is it, pretty girl?”
he bends back down to press a light kiss to your collarbone, peaking up at you with those would-be innocent eyes.
“don’t… don’t tease me.”
hinata laughs, that self-same, joyous sound.
“but i like teasing you!” he says, with no hint of malice, not a single sliver of shame.
you can only cover your eyes with your arm, turning your head away.
“aww, don’t do that —” he says, coaxing your hand away before pinning both of them above your head with a single, fluid move. your breath hitches.
“don’t hide from me…”
it’s too much to hope for that someone with eyes like his would miss such a thing. you watch as the dark, lightless centers of his eyes grow ever so slightly larger, threatening to overtake the honeyed ring of his actual iris.
“can’t… can’t help it…” you look away, feeling the waves of indomitable heat, wave after wave, washing through you, collecting at the base of your stomach to twist into something deeper, something harder.
“can’t help what, hm?” hinata laces your fingers with his; distinctly, you can feel his thighs flex on either side of your legs, locking you in place. the summers are hot in rio, but you can’t help but wonder if more than half the heat in the room might be coming from the pair of you alone.
all around him, the air wavers like a reflection in pond-water —
“shou… just —” you lick your lips.
“ah…” there’s a soft whine curling at the edge of his voice as he leans down, “you’re not playing fair at all…”
desire pulses like a heartbeat inside you.
“shouyou, please,” you beg, trying to wrest some semblance of control back from him but he’s having none of it. he pins your hands to either side of your head, his bed more than wide enough for the pair of you, with room to spare.
“mah… you gotta be a bit more specific than that,” he says, his voice almost casual as he noses into your pulse point right beneath your jaw. you hold your breath and a second later, the harsh sting of his teeth rakes through you, chasing pleasure down your spine.
“m-more —” you choke out the word against the heat of his lips and you feel rather than see him grin above you.
“yeah? i think i can do that for you.”
#haikyuu!!#haikyuu#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x you#haikyuu imagines#haikyuu drabbles#hq fanfic#hq x reader#kenma kozume#kenma x reader#kenma kozume x reader#tsukishima x reader#tsukishima kei#tsukishima kei x reader#hinata shouyou#hinata shouyou x reader#kageyama x reader#kageyama tobio#hinata x reader#kageyama tobio x reader#haicuties#floofy floof floof#daydreams#scheduled post
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
~
#hi :) long time no incredibly long winded and overly detailed oversharing in the tags post <3#and what better way to welcome new followers from the aita comment (hi new ppl. i havent had nonbots follow me in so long)#thinkin abt that post that's like#'which person that you would never like romantically in your life would people ship you with if your life was a show'#in reference to my own life ofc. and besides the obvious answers of 1.) people will ship anything together so literally everyone#and 2.) my close friends that i jokingly flirt with or just have more life partner-y plans with (eg. being potential roommates)#i think of H. who i did in fact at one point have romantic inclinations towards. but has now gone in a weird direction of kinda resentment#and it's just kind of messy to think about for me. i think a big portion of it is the fact that the time i had romantic feelings for them#was right in the time where they were insistent they were exclusively attracted to men only and i was very much not male aligned then#so i forced myself to stamp out all those feelings because we were incompatible in that sense. and then a few years later#they came out as attracted to ppl regardless of gender and i figured out that on occasion my gender is in fact masc lmao#but by then i had moved on and they started growing into a different person#and our relationship and way we interacted evolved too and now im here. in this place where they honestly sort of piss me off#it pisses me off how they will simultaneously justify their other relationships that they seem so discontent with with phrases like#'oh but the other person is just going through a lot right now. they're just busy. i'm honestly just exaggerating. i care about them a lot'#and also complain nonstop about those same people they claim to be so understanding about#and constantly tell me how their needs aren't being met. and then shut me down when i tell them to like... communicate those needs#and i keep thinking. is there a world where i managed to hold my seemingly unconditional love for them from those past years.#is there a world where i didn't grow tired of them. where i stayed patient. where i became the person they could lean on without complaint.#is there a world where the idea of ever actually being in a more involved place with them doesn't make me bone deep exhausted#nevermind a long term monogamous romantic relationship. the idea of spending a night together sounds so draining#and it's just. wild to think about how we got here. that once upon a time i wanted to spend every waking moment talking to this person#we texted each other nonstop. i thought that everything they said was so wonderful. that i didn't and couldn't have enough of them.#and now... trying to get them to respond to me feels like pulling teeth. making plans together is a nightmare.#and when they talk... it's either incredibly surface level feeling quips or a mutual disagreement or straight up one sided talking#i guess a part of it is the fact that we've both focused our efforts elsewhere. that we aren't nurturing this friendship like we once were.#but i wished it was because we built a solid enough foundation for us to keep coming back to each other#instead it feels like they've just assumed that i will always be there. because i haven't given them any reason to believe otherwise.#so it's fine if they ignore my requests to be less negative or more responsive or to give two shits about my health and comfort#or remember what my schedule looks like or any details of my recent ongoings or any promise they've made to me over the years
1 note
·
View note
Note
You posted about adhd and I was hoping to follow up to clarify something. I’ve explained to my partner a million times about how the borderline-hoarding mess of his space is very mentally draining to me, and he understands but we’ve both essentially accepted he won’t clean his mess because he can’t because of his adhd. You’re saying he’s actually being a shit head?
This isn't necessarily an issue of him being a shithead, but it also isn't a sustainable situation. It's not good for you and there's a level of clutter that's probably not good for him either.
Large bastard is a lot more clutter-y than I am. The solution we've come to is trying to keep our messes at least isolated from one another; he can have his messes and I can have mine, but he can have those messes in his spaces, not all over the place. Sometimes those messes migrate, and that's when it's important for him to make the effort to rein them in rather than trying and failing to make a daily effort to keep our entire shared space tidy.
I think when you say "we've both essentially accepted he won't clean his mess" what I'm hearing is resignation; you're not happy about this but you don't know what to do so you've thrown up your hands and he feels helpless and unsure of what to do to improve the situation. This is the kind of "it's fine" that isn't really fine.
I think it would be worthwhile for you to each separately think about the mess and talk about it together. Are there areas that YOU *need* to have not-messy? Both for utility and your mental health? Are there areas where you can tolerate more mess than otherwise? Are there areas that are going to be harder for him to keep the mess out of than others? Are there things he doesn't *know* about cleaning up the mess?
I'm obviously a big "communication communication communication" person so I'm going to recommend a lot of talking about stuff, which is probably going to mean a lot of thinking about and interrogating stuff. I'm going to say "talk to him about why the mess bothers you" which means you also have to really articulate to yourself why the mess bothers you (for instance I'm not actually *bothered* by a messy kitchen, but I know it's going to reflect badly on us - and me specifically b/c of presumed gender roles - if someone pops by and the kitchen is a disaster, AND a messy kitchen is going to be harder to use). Genuinely, sometimes knowing *why* something is a problem might make it easier for someone with ADHD to do something. And it's not that he doesn't care that it upsets you, it's just that "Oh if I don't wash my breakfast dishes Anon won't have clear counterspace to make lunch" might be stickier in his brain (and less hard to look at emotionally) than "this thing I forget to do upsets my partner so I should do it."
For the record, I think that people with ADHD should read up on Demand Avoidance and see if it might explain some of the issues that they have in their day-to-day life; I've seen some really unfortunate situations with friends where trying to do things that their partner needed became the subject of demand avoidance. *I* have experienced negative outcomes of demand avoidance. The solution to that, however, isn't to stop making attempts to do the thing OR to simply try harder to do as they're asked/told (which reinforces the demand), it's to work on setting up a situation where the partners' needs are not interpreted as a demand. This is fuck-off difficult and requires a lot of patience and care and many attempts to succeed and will be different for each person and relationship.
(Also for the record demand avoidance isn't *super* strongly linked to ADHD and it's not a definitive symptom; like Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, it is something that occurs in some number of people with ADHD and can be a useful lens through which to examine various behaviors; you don't need to have DA or RSD to have ADHD, and having DA or RSD also doesn't invalidate your diagnosis; they're symptoms. For me, DA often feels like "if I don't look at it, it can't get me" - If I ignore all the messages I've got they aren't real and don't have real consequences so I'll just ignore my texts. If I don't look at the vendor email about the order, the problem with the order isn't real and it won't get added to my task list. If I don't look at the requests in my inbox I can't let people down when I don't do them. It's a self-protective coping mechanism but it's *maladaptive* and I can't just ignore the vendor email or all my texts. I need to work on a way of doing the stuff that I'm avoiding in a way that makes it less stressful and doesn't hurt the people relying on me. That takes a lot of effort, personal insight, trial and error, and )
But before I dive into specifics I want to be really really clear about one thing: sometimes people are simply incompatible. Sometimes one person has such a low tolerance for "mess" and the other person has such a high threshold for "mess" that it can't be reconciled. It sucks that this can end up being a thing that people break up over, but it is MUCH better to acknowledge incompatibility as early as possible instead of spending years and years building resentment.
There used to be a great forum called MiL's Anonymous that I spent a lot of time on. It had a lot of people in a lot of difficult situations struggling to get by and hold their relationships together. The question that was used as a litmus test to approach each situation was simple: If you knew today that everything about living with this person would be the same in five years, would you stay?
Because you can't control your partner. You can't control the future. You can only control yourself and your proximity to situations that are harmful to you. If you knew, 100%, that things wouldn't get better in five years, would you be okay with staying in this relationship? If the answer is "no," then that's that. Don't worry about questions of whether or not your boyfriend is a shithead, start the process of ending the relationship because there's a good chance the situation is going to be exactly the same in five years.
If the answer is "yes," and you'd stay in the relationship regardless of whether or not things changed, then it's time to take actions to improve your life within the context of the relationship.
(No judgement on that yes or no, btw. If you would hate living like this for another five years, and you would feel like you'd wasted your time and hadn't done the things you wanted to with your life, get out. Bail. Go. It will be better for you and better for your partner if you split instead of spending half a decade building resentments and and problems that you'll have to spend another half a decade healing from.)
Also, a note: you describe your boyfriend's mess as borderline hoarding - is the issue *mess* or is the issue *clutter*? I have friends who are very tidy, but whose homes are very cluttered. They like things, they have many things, they keep many things around, but their houses are always clean and well-dusted and orderly, just with a tremendous amount of *stuff.* I am addressing all of this as though the issue is mess, not clutter. If your boyfriend's situation is clutter (the space is busy and packed with things but it is functional and clean) and your issue isn't with *mess* (things out of place, things not having a place, things that need to be cleaned up gathering in stacks, falling behind on regular chores like laundry and dishes and taking out the trash) then you definitely need to assess whether or not you are compatible.
For instance here's a room that is messy but not cluttered compared to a room that is cluttered but not messy:
That first room is a *mess* but it would be very easy to clean up in under an hour. The second room is fairly tidy, but would take significant effort to pare down and declutter. BOTH of these can be difficult to live with but the second one is not dangerous or threatening to anyone's health. (The second one is QUITE cluttered and if every room in a house looks like this it can be overwhelming to live with; this is actually harder to deal with in a relationship than the first one in a lot of ways. I don't have a lot of advice for what to do if your partner is a high degree of tidy-but-cluttered because I don't actually think it's a problem or wrong to have thousands of books or bins full of lego or a million kitchen appliances as long as you have the space and can keep it safe and well-maintained; this is a really significant compatibility issue)
Okay, all that out of the way, here's the hard work.
Talk about this shit
Talk to your partner and define "mess." Make sure you are on the same page about what you mean when you're talking about what a messy room looks like versus what a tidy room looks like. Gather reference pictures. DRAW reference pictures.
Explain not just that the mess upsets you, but *why* and *how* it upsets you. In this context don't think of it as your boyfriend's mess, think of it as an unpleasant roommate. Discuss this using "I-statements". "When I have to pick up laundry all over the apartment, I feel like a parent more than a partner." "When there are piles of miniatures all over the table, I feel like I don't have anywhere to do things I'm interested in." "When there are dishes in the sink, I feel frustrated because I have to clean before I can feed myself."
Discuss, frankly and openly, whether he knows how to clean. I'm not trying to make excuses for him here but a lot of people with ADHD have a lot of stress and avoidance around cleaning because they spent a lot of time getting yelled at for not knowing how to clean properly.
Discuss your needs, be firm about what you require but willing to compromise. You *need* some spaces to be clean, and some spaces may be harder for him to keep clean than others. It may be MUCH harder for him to keep a bedroom tidy than it is to keep a kitchen tidy; if you need a clean and empty bedroom with everything put away and he simply cannot do that, that is a compatibility issue. But perhaps you need *your* side of the bedroom to be very orderly and can tolerate a moderate level of mess and clutter on his side. Maybe you're really really bothered by a messy kitchen, but it doesn't bug you if the dining table is covered with projects and papers. Figure out something more workable than "his mess goes everywhere and i live with it because he's incapable of cleaning" because he probably is not incapable of cleaning and you deserve to have places in your home that are comfortable for you.
Reduce friction for cleaning
Sometimes the problem isn't cleaning, the problem is the many many steps before cleaning, or not knowing where something should go when you are done cleaning. One of the absolute best things I've done for myself for cleaning my space is getting a broom holder and mounting the broom to the wall. Sweeping is now essentially thoughtless. I don't have to find the broom or pull it out from a pile of fans or go scrounging around for a dustpan it's right there on the wall, frictionless. So here are some ways to reduce the barriers to cleaning:
Make sure you and your partner both know how to use your cleaning supplies and know where those supplies are. When I switched dishwasher soap I had to re-show Large Bastard where I was storing it and how it was used, because to him what happened was the dishwasher tabs just vanished one day and he didn't know what I was putting in the machine or the process I used. He sometimes puts tools away in places that I can't see (he's more than a foot taller than me) so sometimes I can't get started on a maintenance project until he shows me where he put the battery pack for the drill.
Consider making a how-to chart to or having him make a how-to chart to keep someplace accessible so he can reference it while cleaning. Goblin.Tools Magic ToDo is great for this. Basically a lot of the time people with ADHD have trouble knowing what to do from step to step even if they've done something before, so having a step by step guide can make it easier (I have notebooks full of step-by-step guides for everything from paying for my tuition to removing licenses for my customers to weeding my yard)
Remove obstacles; don't keep cleaning chemicals in the garage in a box that's behind a stack of parts, keep them in the room you'll be cleaning. Don't keep the cleaning supplies that you use to clean the bathroom in the kitchen. Sometimes this means buying two bottles of bleach solution and two scrubbers and two sets of cleaning gloves but having fewer steps (fetch the windex, fetch the paper towels, fetch the gloves) is often the key to getting things done (open under-sink cabinet and grab windex, gloves, and paper towels that are there instead of in the kitchen).
This sort of overlaps with the next category, which is:
Create Dump Zones
One thing that I've found that seems very different between people with ADHD cleaning and neurotypical people cleaning is that neurotypical people are good at getting to a point where the cleaning is "done." They have checked off their tasks and they have finished and it is over. There are *SOME* chores that are like this (taking out the trash is a binary state, the trash has been taken out or it has not) and some chores are perpetual (horrid cursed dishes) but I think with people with ADHD, some chores that are binary for neurotypicals are actually perpetual chores. For instance "clean off the counter" is not a one and done for me. "Clean off the counter" may involve a three day reorganization project. "Clean off the counter" does not mean "wipe down the tile and put dishes away" it means assessing whether or not I need to make vegetable stock and bleaching three tea containers and reconsidering whether or not the sharps container should live somewhere else and going through the mail and figuring out what needs to be responded to and taking out the recycling and on and on and on.
We have had company at the house for the last two weeks, so I asked large bastard to clean off the dining room table, which is largely a project zone for him. Cleaning off the dining room table meant putting away his meds (and since he's a transplant patient that involves a 30 gallon rubbermade tote), throwing away some trash, and totally reorganizing his workshop. It also incidentally involved picking up a table from facebook marketplace and moving my plants, which has now involved moving my former plant rack outside (moving buckets, finding and organizing planters and gardening tools) and taking the former table to the thrift store (not done yet) and cleaning the rug that was under the former table. So "either the table is clean, or it isn't" isn't really true for us.
HOWEVER "hang on we can't eat until the table is clear so let's drive to Pico Rivera to get that console table right now" isn't a workable plan, so you create dumpzones as areas of holding between the start and the finish of the chore.
A dump zone can be a laundry basket. It can be a craft bin. It can be a back room or under your bed. It is a place to put things that you are going to deal with later because if you deal with them now it is going to derail the thing you are actually trying to do, which is set the table for dinner.
Dump zones are vital to cleaning with ADHD and I recommend them for day-to-day cleaning as well. The day-to-day dump zones might be more for you than for your boyfriend. For instance, Large Bastard works with bullets and he sheds bullets all over the house. I used to get stressed when I found bullets when I was cleaning because are these work bullets? Are these recreational bullets? Are they in testing? Do they need to be pulled? Do they go in the workshop or the office or the garage or does he need these today so they have to stay on the counter? And the answer now is "that's not my problem naughty bullets go in the jar." Which is perfectly sensible because he gets to say "mystery yarn goes in the bin" and "art supplies go in the bucket."
I feel helpless when cleaning a lot of the time. I'm frustrated and lost and I don't know where stuff goes and everything I pick up spins off into three projects in my head and every step feels like a wall to scale. Dump zones help me with that when there's pressure or a reason for cleaning beyond day to day home maintenance. People are coming over? The bedroom is a dump zone, I'll deal with that later. I'm just cleaning up because I need to? Okay I can find a permanent home for this new dish soap.
AS A VERY IMPORTANT COROLLARY TO THIS:
Active projects do not go in dump zones while you or your partner are cleaning. This may mean designating a project sanctuary area like a corner of the table or one particular chair in your main room where a project can be placed so as not to be disturbed. (if my current crochet project ends up in the yarn bin, that may mean that I don't pick the project up for another three months, it lives on the windowsill behind the couch because that's where it'll get worked on)
Do not put things away for your partner, put them in the dump zone for your partner. Your partner has to be the one to put their own stuff away in a way that works for them. I tend to find that this naturally puts a limit on the time stuff sits in the dump zone, because eventually you'll go "hey where's my thing?" and will put stuff away. If that doesn't happen, it's still generally better to have stuff in a dump zone than all over the home.
Do not decide you know what things go together from your partner's stuff and try to "put like things together." The neurotypical urge to put like things together is the mindkiller(j/k). You do not know which things are "similar" in your partner's organization schema and attempting to organize things on your own is going to end up with all of the things "organized" being functionally lost forever from your partner's perspective. Large Bastard's mom would do this and it was infuriating, she'd say "oh I put all the electronics stuff in one box" and she would mean soldering irons, transistors, ham radios, HDMI cables, and cellphone chargers. We are *still* going through boxes of stuff that she "tidied up" when he was hospitalized in 2020 and 2021.
To prevent the need for quite so many dump zones over time, you can work on setting up landing zones and "homes" for projects and tools.
Landing Zones
Landing zones are places where things go when you come inside from doing various things. Sometimes your landing zone only needs to be a tray for your wallet and keys, sometimes your landing zone needs to be a place to take off muddy boots and put a trowel and gloves down before you shower.
To make an effective landing zone, consider what behaviors you're trying to minimize and whether the people using it are ACTUALLY going to use it. For instance I was tired of the corner of my hearth getting cluttered with random junk so I hung up some hooks and put a shelf and a basket there and it became a really effective landing zone for my bag and keys and the mail, but it was VERY ineffective for Large Bastard because it's by a door that isn't the primary door he uses to enter the house. As a result I always know where my keys and bag are but he has trouble finding his keys and wallet. He tends to enter the house through our bedroom and has an overloaded valet next to the door and that's usually where his wallet ends up. Mounting a shelf to the wall above the valet and putting a basket and a hook on it will be a better place for his stuff to land. It's not that he's not using the first zone because he doesn't know that it's there, or because he doesn't care about lost time when I'm searching for my car keys after he borrows them, he's not using it because it's not by the door he uses. That's all.
I have a landing space for when I come in for gardening that's different than the one when I come in from grocery shopping. I have a landing space for when I walk into the dining room instead of the kitchen when I get home.
Landing spaces prevent stuff from piling up all over the place because they are a limited functional space that should be used frequently. Mail ONLY goes in the landing zone. If you have mystery mail or if you're not sure it's safe to toss, you put it in the landing zone. You can't let the mail get piled up too high or you won't have a space for your keys. You can't let the change in your wallet tray get too deep or your wallet is going to slide off, etc., but you also don't just put change on the coffee table or your nightstand because the landing zone is right there.
Homes for items are just what they sound like. They're the place the item goes. It lives there. My meds live on my nightstand. You would not believe how poorly I did with taking my meds on my vacation because they weren't on my nightstand. A while back large bastard lost one of his sets of sorted meds and we tore the house up looking for them because he couldn't find them in his nightstand, which is where they live. *I* found them in his nightstand because I emptied out the entire top drawer (he had only looked on the top layer) and found them underneath a radio and a hammock. Even though they were *hidden* they were in their home, so they were findable. I recently needed ink for an art class. Art supplies live in a dresser by my desk. Ink lives in the art bin or the top left drawer. The ink was not in either of these places (it was on a cabinet in the dining room behind a teacup) so it took me weeks to find it.
Sometimes the reason that ADHD spaces are so messy is because objects have been assigned homes in places that are visible and if they get moved they get lost. This is a genuinely difficult problem that requires a lot of effort to solve and can involve a lot of trial and error for creating a tidy living space. For some people, open shelving and visible storage might be a good solution. For some people, assigning a VERY clear home and inculcating that location by habit is the only way to clean up a space. For some people one very cluttered corner to at least isolate the chaos does the trick (for me and large bastard open shelving doesn't work because anything in one place for too long becomes invisible; that means that I rely on assigning things homes and large bastard relies on having contained chaos and a general idea of where to search but what that DOES NOT mean is that he is clean or tidy. His spaces look like an explosion. But he can mostly find his stuff and do what he needs to do and as long as that's limited to specific places in shared spaces I can live with it; the dining room table can be a disaster, the kitchen cannot).
People organize things differently. It often takes a while for neurotypical adults to settle into an organizational style that works for them and ADHD adults may need to settle into a new system every few months for it to continue working. The cleanup and declutter is most likely going to be a permanent project that is always going to demand some level of attention from everyone in a shared space, but "my ADHD means I can't do it" is not really going to fly. Maybe his ADHD means that he can't keep his space tidy, but it doesn't mean you can't move stuff from shared spaces into dump zones or that he can't do stuff around the house.
If he's insisting that his ADHD means that he can't clean it is possible that he's not being a shithead, he just feels helpless and doesn't know where to start and has adopted the belief that he's a useless piece of shit who can't even keep a tidy space like a grownup because he's internalized a lot of shitty attitudes (hello, my internal monologue about keeping a clean house). But it's also possible that he's just being a shithead.
It's something that's worthwhile to investigate with him. If he's unwilling to make an attempt, then he's being a shithead.
It is also not your responsibility to rehabilitate another person. If he wants to clean and it's something he feels bad about and needs some help and support with the way that someone might need help or support for learning to use a mobility aid, that is fine but you don't have to be the one who gives him that support if it's detrimental to your health, and you don't have to be the one to teach him that stuff if it's not something you're capable of. And if he is NOT interested in working on making your shared living space more accessible for you, that is not your suitcase to unpack and you just have to ask yourself the question from the start: would I stay with this person if I knew the situation was never going to change?
IDK, I'm sure a lot of this reads like "anon you must take on the emotional labor of training your partner to be an adult" but it's really meant to be more of a way of assessing yourself and your relationship. If you created landing zones do you think he'd use them? Would he get angry if you assigned a laundry basket as a dump zone for his stuff while you tidy the living room? Is living with him long-term going to be comfortable for you if nothing changes? Do you have enough of a shared definition of "mess" that you're at least in the ballpark for what counts as a clean house?
anyway good luck, and a reminder to folks that I'm compiling a bunch of adhd resources and other information on my personal website, ms-demeanor.com. It's coming along slowly but it will eventually include stuff like ADHD cleaning tips and how to tackle a hoard, so maybe keep your eye on that space.
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
a piece of me.
| SYNOPSIS | sweet things they do out of love.
| INCLUDING | Albedo, Cyno, Dottore, Kazuha, Tartaglia, Wanderer.
| A/N | posting this draft i've been procrastinating on for a while. Dottore's is the longest lol (can u tell i like him a bit)
𝐀𝐥𝐛𝐞𝐝𝐨 - ᵉˣᵖˡᵃⁱⁿⁱⁿᵍ ᶜᵒᵐᵖˡⁱᶜᵃᵗᵉᵈ ᵗʰⁱⁿᵍˢ ʷⁱᵗʰᵒᵘᵗ ᵐᵃᵏⁱⁿᵍ ʸᵒᵘ ᶠᵉᵉˡ ˢᵗᵘᵖⁱᵈ.
oh, you don't understand how his latest thesis works? don't worry, he'll explain! he's got just the right vocabulary to translate how all of these messy assumptions and ideas connect. no matter how small your knowledge is when it comes to alchemy, you will understand everything after he's done explaining. he never doubted your ability to understand, either. he believes the key to grasping this kind of knowledge starts with a good, patient teacher.
𝐂𝐲𝐧𝐨 - ˡᵉⁿᵈⁱⁿᵍ ʸᵒᵘ ʰⁱˢ ʰᵉᵃᵈʷᵉᵃʳ.
walking through the hot desert? strolling on the cold, windy streets? Cyno's headwear is perfect for both. it's kind of like it's infused with magic - cooling you down in the hot weather and providing warmth when it's cold. he never misses any sign of you being a bit too hot or cold. the moment he sees even a drop of sweat on you, or a shiver run down your spine, you'll feel a heavy but comfortable weight on top of your head.
𝐃𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐞 - ᵐⁱˣⁱⁿᵍ ᵖᵒᵗⁱᵒⁿˢ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ʷᵒʳᵏ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇᵉˢᵗ ᶠᵒʳ ʸᵒᵘ ˢᵖᵉᶜⁱᶠⁱᶜᵃˡˡʸ.
i know some might disagree but i think Zandik is gentle with his darling, wether that be out of manipulation, or because he knows how fragile you are. pulling his hand back when you hiss while he's treating you, secluding materials you seem to be allergic to in his lab, having you wear full protective attire when he's experimenting in the same room as you, even if you're not even in the 'danger zone' kind of distance. let's say one day he overhears you complaining to one of your friends about something. acne scars, dry or greasy hair, dark circles under your eyes... he's on it right away. in a few days, you're presented with a container with a mysterious substance in it. it glows slightly, the consistency is somewhere between a cream and liquid, and it has this soft pink colour you've never seen in Dottore's lab... ever. before you can question, he explains where he got the idea, and you can't hold back that fuzzy feeling when you realise he came up with the perfect product just for you! after all, he's very much familiar with your body, he knows exactly what it needs to get rid of the problems at hand.
𝐊𝐚𝐳𝐮𝐡𝐚 - ᵍᵉⁿᵗˡʸ ᵖᵘˡˡⁱⁿᵍ ʸᵒᵘ ᵒᵘᵗ ᵒᶠ ˢᵗʳᵃⁿᵍᵉʳˢ' ʷᵃʸ ᵒⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵗʳᵉᵉᵗ.
walks through Inazuma City with Kazuha aren't uncommon. there's so much to do and see, especially under the starry sky. that being said, the people living there also know this, often resulting in crowded streets. walking forward while looking back at Kazuha might not be the smartest idea - but don't worry. he's got you. he holds your hand and gently tugs on it to pull you to the side before you could bump into anyone. he also has this soft, loving smile on his face the whole time.
𝐓𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐚 - ᵗᵃᵏⁱⁿᵍ ʸᵒᵘ ᵗᵒ ᵛⁱˢⁱᵗ ʰⁱˢ ᶠᵃᵐⁱˡʸ ʷⁱᵗʰ ʰⁱᵐ.
being loved by Ajax means being loved by his family. his siblings - both younger and older absolutely adore you and see you as a member of their family before you even have a ring on your finger. his parents are also very affectionate towards you, and you can't deny how delicious the hearty, warm snezhnayan meals are that they welcome you with. snowball fights with the youngests and ice fishing are also a must!
𝐖𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐫 - ʰᵘˢʰⁱⁿᵍ ᵖᵉᵒᵖˡᵉ ʷʰᵉⁿ ᵗʰᵉʸ ⁱⁿᵗᵉʳʳᵘᵖᵗ ʸᵒᵘ.
he's already at least slightly annoyed by everyone in the Akademiya. they all seem so full of themselves - and the moment you get interrupted mid-sentence just proves it to him. he doesn't hesitate to threaten ask anyone to shut up while you speak. he couldn't care less about how smart or important they are, his darling was speaking, so they will listen. it doesn't even matter what you're talking about, he simply can't let anyone make you swallow your words.
#genshin impact#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#wanderer#wanderer x reader#scaramouche#scaramouche x reader#albedo x reader#albedo#albedo genshin impact#cyno#cyno x reader#il dottore#il dottore x reader#kazuha#kazuha x reader#kaedehara kazuha#tartaglia#tartaglia x reader#childe#childe x reader
506 notes
·
View notes
Note
For the homicipher men falling in love you made..may I ask if you will make a part 2 was really getting all giddy seeing your post but then mr.hood wasn't there 😭 man deserves some love too
Homicipher x reader (gn) headcanons.
How they love p 2
Warnings: Mr Hugeface is toxic
✧༺♥༻✧✧༺♥༻✧✧༺♥༻✧
Mr. Hood
When he first met you he felt like needed to protect you, like you were a tiny creature that was so helpless and needed him.
He never expected you to come back and thank him each time.
"Thanking me? Why? "
It seems that no one there is kind or even grateful, he's never been thanked. It feels nice, warm.
Then you do it again, and again, and again.
He expected you to leave, use his help and never come back, but you did.
As the rest he never realizes what love is bit he feels protective of you.
Mr Crawling is too weak and Mr machete runs away. He's the only one capable of protecting you
Mr. Machete
Now this guy can't handle weaklings or kind soft people, sorry not sorry.
If you can't keep up with him and fight why would he bother with you?
Now let's say you can fight. He's intrigued. Very intrigued.
It takes you very long time even land a hot on him but when you do.. His heart goes doki doki and he immediately respects you (loves you)
He will demand to fight again and each time you win he will be bashful instead of upset.
Wow you got a hit on THE Mr machete.
Mr. Silvair
You're a human in the ghost realm so you've already got his attention.
He wants to research you and push you to your limits.
He does ask for consent to work on you but if you get violet you're ending up like Mr chopped.
He has clear boundaries and needs you to understand that he is stronger than you. You're the subject, he's the researcher.
Now if you get through all of that he'll be kind enough to give you anesthesia when researching.
One day you wake up with an actual heart on your bedside table. That's his gratitude. Never mention it again or he'll never love you again.
From then on he considers you two lovers and will sometimes give you small smiles as he works and teach you stuff.
Mr. Hugeface.
Tiny human, so fun, so cute.
Literally incapable of love only obsession.
If you're kind enough to obey him and be his little doll. Be obedient in your room maybe he'll get you a few gifts, a book or two.
He's so childish and will throw a tantrum if his doll is not perfect. How dare you have messy hair!?
Will get you clothes and style your hair like you're a Barbie.
That's your life now eternally. You're a doll. And perfect dolls are always pretty and happy.
All throughout toxic.
Mr. Stitch
This man is perfect for maladaptive daydreamers.
You met him when he took you from Mr Crawling, well kidnapped you, but when you get in that bus, you travel in the abyss with him.
Ever since then, that became you two's favorite hobby. To get on the bus, share stories, cuddle a bit, he will Yap to no end and tell you of his adventures and how he plans to take you on many!
He shows love by making you little things, like old cloth you found? It's a dress now. He isn't called Mr stitch for no reason.
You were heitamt at first but then the world of daydreams and the abyss with no stress takes you like a dream.
You love him just as much.
He thinks you're a fun person who treats him well and laughs with him.
Most of your time is spent giggling at his jokes and he likes that.
No matter where or when he picks you up, when he does you're going to adventure.
#homicipher x mc#homicipher fanfiction#homicipher x you#homicipher mr crawling#homicipher x reader#mr chopped head#mr hood#mr crawling#mr hood x reader#mr machete x reader#mr hugeface#mr stitch
387 notes
·
View notes
Note
So, just out of curiosity, are you thinking of making episodes for rats 2 like you did for all the other pow creations smps? If not, that's okay (:
I'm really not sure currently. For full transparency, the previous episodes of both series made on average about £40 individually. The occasional one flicked up to NEARLY £100, but they're real anomalies. Thumbnail costs take up a good portion of that 40, then what's left, divided by the hours it takes to condense masses of content down to episode form would be a wage grossly below minimum wage. It's not smart financially or motivationally to proceed that way.
I've always been proud of the end products of each episode / series but I had revenue coming from other sources that have since dried up. I can't make purely artistic decisions when I have mouths to feed and a home to maintain.
I've been quiet on video content this year because I've not had an SMP play in, so streaming became a primary earner. Even that was propped up significantly by our Logitech/Streamlabs sponsorship - which concluded unexpectedly early at the end of September due to budget adjustments on their end (zero bad feelings regarding that btw, it was all done fairly and by the contract, it was quarterly renewals and I was communicated respectfully with)
I'm lucky that Wild Life has come along when it has, as it gives me a little breathing room to try and secure a new sponsor or at least compile a content plan for late 2024 / early 2025.
Even my Life series barely pass the threshold to where an editor wouldn't gobble up the majority of the revenue. That one is a real 50/50 between coming out net neutral, or coming out with a minimal profit. It's rough. Speaking honestly, I'm a tad nervous about the immediate future, but I promise this isn't a post trying to rouse pity or spur on donations/subs etc, it's just transparency as I've always operated. It feels better laying it out so analytically because it gives people context and answers the FAQ of "why don't you just hire someone", the overhead isn't there.
I'm going to start putting the feelers out to try and secure a new partnership, I have one conversation pending and if we can I'll nab some sponsored streams more often to raise the tides.
That said, we are headed in to the best time of year for ad revenue on YouTube especially, but it's not quite the 5x multiplier I would need to sensibly navigate my situation ha
The only viable solution currently would be to crowd source funds to cover the costs of the work for making the episodes, whether that be paid to me and I edit them myself or more ideally, an editor, so I can focus my efforts in to producing another piece of content. I've no idea what the Patreon/Kofi/Crowdfunding landscape is like currently both mechanically and socially. Are they a thing people subscribe to anymore? They inherently come with more pressures too which I'm nervous to take on.
I'm likely to get inbox messages offering to edit for free or at a reduced fee, but PLEASE DON'T DO THAT. Even if you're framing it as good practice, or a portfolio/client list piece, I wouldn't feel comfortable with that. It's a very sweet gesture and I totally understand showing that initiative / sincerity, I've been there, but those scenarios can too often be miscommunicated or misconstrued and it gets messy. People's time and talents deserve compensation.
So tl;dr answer is I'm not sure, I might try an episode 1 to see how it performs, but it's not looking great. Sorry.
472 notes
·
View notes
Text
W/ a drop-dead gorgeous s/o
(^ From this post)
Characters: Shota Aizawa, Toshinori Yagi
CW: gn or fem reader, reader is described as sweet + other things, you're married to Shota cause I said so, insecurities, slight Toshi angst, giving them flowers, uhh lmk if I missed anything
A/N: This kind of thing is like my favorite thing to write. Also I couldn't resist adding a ship dynamic picture for Toshi's. (Tags: @nnnyxie, @bingewatchintilldawn)
Shota Aizawa
No one knows how he managed to catch your attention. He had a messy appearance, and he could be harsh at times. But you were absolutely stunning. Not to mention you were incredibly polite and sweet. The first time you met his class, almost everyone was shocked. You had probably brought him flowers after the USJ attack to hopefully cheer him up. Just about everyone knew he was married, as he wore a ring, but they did not expect someone so utterly gorgeous and kind to be his partner Hizashi and Nemuri were the only ones you had met, as they had gone to your guys' wedding. But his students are a bit flabbergasted, and are mainly the ones who don’t understand why you married him. But it doesn’t mean they don’t like you, in fact, they love it when you drop by. Mainly because you’re just nice, but also because Shota relaxes more around you, and they have a lower chance of being scolded… Or higher, depending on how you look at it But Shota is very thankful that you don’t mind the way he looks. He was initially surprised when he found out you liked him, but he quickly accepted it. Though he will admit he was slightly skeptical at first, wondering if you had an ulterior motive. But you truly just loved him for who he was. And he did eventually understand that you just had pure, innocent intentions.
Toshinori Yagi
He himself has no idea how he pulled you. He doesn’t have a great self image, so he doesn’t understand why you of all people would be interested in him. At the start of your relationship (also when he was crushing) he could barely breathe around you. And early in your relationship people warned him that you might be using him, or something like that, and using your attractiveness to your advantage. He tells them that he knows you would never do that, and he’s correct. It just might take some time for other people to see that. But as your relationship progressed, he became less flustered around you. He’ll occasionally have doubts, and say stuff like “You should be dating someone who still has their life ahead of them.” He was at the point where he was having a hard time comprehending how he could keep living without saving people But you reassure him that he’s the one you want, and that nothing is going to change that After he fought AFO, you brought him some flowers to put on his desk. But you wanted to surprise him, so you didn’t tell him you were coming So when you’re directed to the teachers lounge, there’s some awkward silence before he stands up and goes towards you. “You brought me flowers.?” He seriously didn’t expect you to get him anything, much less a bouquet of flowers He’s very grateful for the flowers, and he’ll keep them and then press them when they dry out (they’re sunflowers.) He wants to kiss you, but he feels that doing it in front of the other staff members (specifically Present Mic) wouldn’t be the best idea. And out of the students, Izuku is the first to find out, as he’s known Toshinori the longest. You probably end up calling him when he’s training him, and Izuku is able to tell reasonably quickly that whoever he’s talking to is very special to him. But he ends up meeting you when the other students do. And when you are introduced to them, you both receive a lot of questions. But in the end everyone likes having you around, and Toshinori is thankful for you and loves you very much.
This is the vibe you and Toshi give off
(The tweet is not mine)
|| Navigation ||
#rys writing 👾#this definitely didn't take me most of the day to write#toshi <3#mha#all might#toshinori yagi#bnha#boku no hero academia#mha x reader#bnha x reader#mha fanfiction#toshi#toshinori yagi x reader#yagi toshinori#toshinori x reader#all might x you#all might mha#all might x reader#bnha aizawa#shota aizawa#aizawa sensei#aizawa x reader#aizawa shouta
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
𓏲⋆ ִֶָ ๋𓂃 ⋆ LEECH OF LOVE , SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG
shadow never really knew how to deal with affection.
𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𐙚 ࣪ ⭒ 𝓼ummary. gn!reader, yandere!shadow the hedgehog, fluff, possible ooc?
𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𐙚 ࣪ ⭒ 𝓷ote. WHEW FIRST POST IN HERE?? WOWOWOWOWW, thank you so much for requesting! I don't think I followed the request properly but uhm.. here ya go anon! THIS GOT LONG..
shadow never really expected to be with someone who was an overly affectionate person, he understands that the way you show your love is through physical touch and that's why he never gets mad or annoyed at you.
your hugs, kisses, and whenever you hold his hand makes him feel at ease, the skin-to-skin contact always grounding shadow back to the present and managing to reassure his messy mind that you're right here besides him and that thought would always make his mouth lift just a little bit.
shadow's ears would twitch when hearing footsteps nearing him and stands on guard until he notices that it was your footsteps and he relaxes. If anyone were to come near him and hug him so suddenly he doubts that he'd be able to act nice (he'll 100% shove them away harshly and degrade them.)
ever since meeting you, shadow has made sure to finish his mission/s fast and if he were to ever go out (ex. sonic bugging him to hang out with him and his friends.) shadow always brings you alone since the thought of leaving you all alone makes him anxious and unable to focus on his surroundings properly.
back to the previous one- shadow always makes sure that none of his missions lasts too long ever since he met you, he'd always come back running to your arms whenever he's finished his mission/s. your scent and the warmth you radiate always comforts him and lulls him to sleep, he could literally fall asleep in your arms even when he's beaten and bloody.
shadow isn't used to affection so it took some time to get him used to your behavior but MAN, when he was finally used to your sudden hugs- oh boy does he crave for it.
shadow could not last a day without any physical contact from you, It'll make him feel like something's missing and basically occupy his mind and make him fidget (very rare).
but! since you're attached to shadow like a koala, he never really worries about feeling off when you're not holding his hands, kissing him, pecking his cheeks, and literally all physical affection that exists.
overall, shadow is touch-starved and he loves how affectionate you are but only to him, he gets jealous easily so please mind who you hug <3
#sonic x reader#sonic the hedgehog x reader#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog x reader#yandere shadow the hedgehog#yandere sonic the hedgehog#shadow x reader#yandere shadow the hedgehog x reader
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
( most likely to ) would they kill for you ̨ ! ୨୧ 一 엔하이픈 ՞
⸃ ⸰ ⌁ who in enhypen is most likely to kill for you ヾ
OTSEVEN 엔하이픈 ・ reader g ・ yandere cw ・ wc ・ n/a | click to library
request. i love your riize yandere hcs could you post it for enhypen pls 🙏🏻
「 ୨୧ author note 」 i hope you like it , it is kinda short
﹙ 𐙚 : heeseung﹚ .ᐟ
heeseung kills for the fun of it; so if it involves you he's not only doing it for your honor , but his pleasure — very sadistic, very torturous, very scary; he does it slowly , even killing them and bringing them back to life just to show them that their life was in the hands of a crazy person and they just fucked with the wrong person's girlfriend.
﹙ 𐙚 : ni-ki ﹚ .ᐟ
yes and in a very very brutal way; ni-ki isn't in control of his emotions, he even loses his temper with you sometimes so he very much goes crazy when it comes to you , like bloody and messy — and sometimes in front of you , if he's trying to prove a point but he'll try to be less violent if you're there — keyword: try.
﹙ 𐙚 : jungwon ﹚ .ᐟ
much like heeseung jungwon enjoys the chase , so yes he's killing for you but also for himself. the torture if anything it's what he likes the most , the torture would be the longest , he'd keep at it for days , first mentally then physically. the kill would be just so it can't be traced to him or you, i feel like jungwon would make them do it themselves , one last act or torture , making them pull the trigger to the gun pointing right at their head.
﹙ 𐙚 : jake ﹚ .ᐟ
seeing you hurt sends jake into a blind rage , he will hurt anyone who tries to hurt you , and it's not as violent as the others but it's still a scene , he wants them to feel the pain they put you through , they need to feel it in order to understand what landed them in the position , a bat they he uses over and over every he sees is red and it's not just blood.
﹙ 𐙚 : sunghoon﹚ .ᐟ
seeing as sunghoon would kill you if you tried to leave him ; he'd for sure kill someone if he thought someone was trying to take you from him — and it will be quick though , he'd snap their neck or and leave their body somewhere no one could find them.
﹙ 𐙚 : sunoo ﹚ .ᐟ
hear me out on this, he would be last given that he comes off as harmless , but he's not especially when it comes to you , he'll turn into a different person so fast , and he is so unsuspecting, the person doesn't even notice and probably even dismisses him, it's not until they feel the brick to the back of their head and the boy standing above that they realized they made a grave mistake but it's too late.
﹙ 𐙚 : jay ﹚ .ᐟ
he won't be doing the killing, no jay doesn't have the time to do that , but he surely would be there watching his men kill for him , it's like entertainment for him , a drink in his hand , and a slight smile as he watches the guy who messed with you into a bloody mess , once they're done he tells them to quickly get rid of his body before you get home and see it.
©LUVYENI
#enhypen x reader#enhypen reactions#enhypen imagines#enhypen scenarios#enhypen smut#yandere enhypen#enhypen yandere#enhypen x female reader#heeseung x reader#heeseung scenarios#jay park x reader#jay park scenarios#jake sim x reader#jake sim scenarios#sunghoon scenarios#park sunghoon x reader#yang jungwon scenarios#jungwoo x reader#sunoo x reader#sunoo scenarios#ni ki x reader#ni ki scenarios
555 notes
·
View notes