#VERSE // MAIN: ARC I ❛ OH MY HEART BECAME SO HARDENED

[hiemaliis]

tell me what you want me to say

auburn was buzzing with the nervous energy that always drove fay up the wall. there was constant movement in the woman, she was  flickering  through the room like a fire, never stilling, not even to go and explain what on earth had happened, why on earth she had called fay out of class — not that the second was complaining about this particular detail. but she felt like complaining about the troublesome way auburn kept picking up things on her table, only to put them back down.

it was annoying in the way many things that auburn did were bothersome — it failed to bug fay right away but after a few moments, it was difficult to remember a time when she had not been bothered by this. especially given that fay  did not know  what had happened. and if she knew, she could make suggestions to solve the problem — because there  had  to be  a massive problem,  given the redhead’s near erratic behaviour. 

“ eleanor hudson — yes, your teacher — was in an accident and died, ” auburn finally said, her fingertips drumming too fast against the table, giving away much more than october likely wanted anyone to know. then, ‘anyone’ was not this used to reading her silent tells. ‘anyone’ would not know that she was  this  stressed out because while she gave away the emotion, the same could not be said about its magnitude.

but fay knew, knew that the last time auburn had been this stressed out, something had happened, something  very bad.  more precise details  escaped  the second for the moment, but she suspected that something had happened to someone who was closer to the tenth.

what did not add up just yet was that ms hudson was nice, yes, but no one auburn owed a debt to — and at the end of the day, it always came down to debts with the redhead. this, at least, fay could understand — she too preferred to pay off her debts before the people she owed them to died. which might explain why she was taking her time when it came to those concerning dylan.

“ you know her. as more than just my teacher. ”

it was the only rational explanation, the only thing that fay could think of that would make auburn’s reaction rational — and most of the things the other did  were  rational. and as always, auburn did not bother with a lie. perhaps because she valued the truth more than her own life, perhaps because she knew that fay would figure out the truth in any case and that a lie would only draw out the pain.

“ sixties. after, you know, you broke me out of prison. ”

fay stopped, froze inwardly. she had thought that she had left all aggression towards the redhead behind, that she had outgrown this stage a long time ago. but apparently, she had been wrong about that. because the old anger unfurled itself in her chest now, the very same anger that had once guided her hand, causing auburn to end on the floor of her own kitchen.

she had sworn herself that she would not do it again. mostly because she had proven a point when she had stabbed auburn — the very point she had been trying to prove  wrong  for so long — but also because not knowing for sure if and when auburn would take revenge had been very stressful.

which had possibly been the precise reason why auburn had never lifted a single finger to hit back, no matter how  deserved  it would have been. this possible explanation sounded better in fay’s ears than any that implied that she could kill the tenth as many times as she wanted to without having to fear any repercussions because auburn worried about the reactions of other people.

fay wanted to feel the risk underneath her fingertips, she wanted to feel like she was holding her fingers right above a candle — close enough to feel the heat but too far away to end up with burned fingers. and if auburn did never hit back, either  on principle  or because she was worried about the consequences, pushing her buttons was utterly boring — and felt nearly like cruelty, like fay was taunting a dangerous animal that had been shackled down.

(  and fay was no moron — she knew that these shackles could only hold auburn so long. )

“ you didn’t tell me, ” fay snapped, her hands clenching to fists. she hated it when this happened, hated when auburn valued the right other people had to share information about themselves higher than the fact that fay liked to know  all  the variables — and that her teacher was  like them  was something fay considered  sorta  important. “ again. ”

“ you never complain when it’s your secret i keep, ” auburn replied, her nonchalance  disgusting  because this was hardly the point now. the point was that fay had not asked for auburn to  out  someone who was absolutely irrelevant in her life. auburn had  failed  to tell fay that there was someone in her environment she did not have to worry about. and it was the second  major  omission of information fay was forcibly made aware of in less than a year.

“ we both know that this isn’t the point right now, ” fay remarked quietly, her fist pressed against her leg. a part of her wanted to throw the punch — because at this point, it was  deserved.  auburn had guarded the interests of  everyone who was not fay  lately, and this was getting increasingly troublesome.

“ exactly — your hurt ego really is not the problem right now, ” auburn bit back — and fay’s arm moved before the second actually considered whether this was a good idea, the fist aimed for auburn’s head, intent to cause damage because fay was  not  the one who was acting like a child right now.

fay expected the impact, expected that it might hurt her hand — auburn had a thick skull, after all. but apparently, the redhead was in no mood to play around right now. which was nothing new, february supposed, because the tenth had always chosen odd moments to drop all pretenses and to let it show that she was made of something  very  intense.

of course, the block that led the punch astray was lazy and a bit sloppy — fay  knew  that auburn could do better than this, but that did not matter — so that it was not quite as effective as it probably should have been, but the glare that followed extinguished all aspirations to throw another punch at october.

tragic as this always was — auburn had a point when she said that this was not about fay’s injured pride but about someone else.

“ so you’re gonna tell me what’s  really  happening? ” fay scowled as she stepped away from the fragile coffee table, reaching for one of the atrocious pink cups on the windowsill. she could easily do the math, could easily calculate that if ms hudson had met auburn in the sixties, she had to be older than she looked. much older, possibly.

“ she was hit by a car a good day ago, ” auburn said as she reached for her own cup of tea, her eyes gleaming with the same fire they had  ages ago, before rome had burned. this was auburn, in control. fay preferred this version of october over the somewhat  whiny  version that would be auburn, controlled by her emotions. she could work with this auburn, because they thought alike and ended up with solutions quickly.

“ we’ve all been there, ” fay said dryly, knowing that it was not really the truth — at least it did not apply to either of them. “ so? ” 

auburn winced, her lips pressed together for a moment, as if she was holding back some kind of secret that was not hers to tell. and fay had had more than enough of that attitude, of the way auburn let morals get in the way of what would be a clean cut, a fast and easy solution for their problem.

“ this is a really bad moment to test my patience,  red, ” fay said softly, the emphasis on the last word seemingly unnecessary. but the second knew better, knew what to do to make auburn snap back into a state where she was really useful.

“ …it is her first death, ” auburn finally said before she turned sharply, looking at fay with a gaze that seemed to burn. “ i don’t suppose I have to say more? ”

she did not have to. fay doubted that there could be a single of their kind who could forget the first time they had died. she knew that she remembered it all too vividly and with unusually much detail, given how little else she remembered of her childhood. she knew that auburn, too, remembered it well — they had talked about it, a long time ago.

“ fuck, ” fay whispered as the magnitude of the situation sunk in. she had been too young and too terrified to think straight when she had first died, too confused because she had known that she was going to die from the moment she had seen the cold steel gleam. she knew that it had been very similar for the tenth. neither of them had known what would happen, that they would not  stay  dead once they had fallen.

eleanor hudson had known that she would rise again when the car had hit her. this was, as far as fay knew, an unprecedented case — and she could easily understand how this concerned auburn, why it made the redhead pace around like that. this situation was out of hand, and it had the potential to get extraordinarily messy. dying was never pleasant and could have awful after-effects — fay would know about that. and it never got easier. at least not when one was coherent enough to realise what was going to happen.

“ yeah, exactly, ” auburn said dryly as she shook her head. “ it’s  that  bad. ”

“ you’re sure it’s her first death? ” fay asked, although she was sure what no matter how flawed auburn could be, she had never been neglectful when it came to important details. and this was something important, this was something she  had  to be completely sure about — because this was the one detail that mattered.

there was something oddly helpless in the way auburn held her folded hands in front of her own body, and fay signed inwardly. she knew indeed, and not for the first time, she wished that the people she surrounded herself with would be less prone to letting their emotional side completely overrule their rational minds. it would make her life, her existence much easier.

“ we talked about this. i — i would’ve offered for the first death to be … supervised but — you know. ”

“ your morals are a goddamn nuisance, hayden, ” fay groaned as she pinched the bridge of her nose. “ so, where’s the  actual  problem? ”

“ i have no idea where she is, how she is coping — if she already woke up … i know absolutely nothing … aside from that she died, ” auburn said, snapping back into a more professional mode, something fay welcomed because she was in no mood to deal with the mess auburn called her emotions.

“ you care. ”

auburn had too much pride  not  to make a face at the way fay said this, too much pride in her capability to care about more people than she should. “ yes, ” she said as she pushed back a strand of her hair. “ i care. ”

“ what makes you think that i’ll help you? ”

“ well, you stole from my personal supply, fay, ” auburn replied lightly, but there was something steel like in her gaze, someone that let fay know that she was not going to walk out of this room unless she had made at least an actual effort in helping auburn.

“ blackmail used to be beneath you, octavia. ”

“ think of it as of … reverse bribery, ” auburn replied, never missing a beat, her eyes never losing their steel. “ you know you would’ve gotten it without any conditions attached — if you had only asked me. ”

“ …i keep forgetting how awful you can be when you care about someone,” fay groaned as she rolled her shoulders, her eyes narrowed. she was not petty enough to remark that once upon a time, auburn had been just as  questionable  in her methods because she had cared about the second. she knew, if she were to point it out, she would sound like she had been the one who had been replaced at the end while, really, she had been the one who had no longer needed auburn, who had left.

“ you know i never stopped. ”

fay turned, her gaze scorching. yes, she could have interpreted this as auburn’s claim that she had never stopped being terrible in the name of those she cared about, but this sort of statement would be out of character for her — especially as it was said in such a soft voice and with such a knowing gaze. “ get out of my head, auburn, and tell me what you need, ” she snapped.

“ i’m certain that leah will take her time to recover which means she’ll end up in dylan’s care, ” the redhead said, unaffected as always by the outburst, and at the mention of her brother, the corners of her mouth moved upwards — something that soothed fay’s mood.

it was easy to forget that no matter how far auburn had gone for her, she had always walked miles upon miles more for her brothers, because this was the kind of person auburn was: someone who choose to do the right thing whenever she could afford it. and it was impossible for fay to remain cross with auburn whenever she was reminded that auburn cared so much about someone who was as dear to fay as dylan was.

“ so if her death is handled, she needs a new life,” fay sighed, briefly wondering what people would do without her — aside from getting into massive trouble. “ what are you gonna do? ”

“ what i do best: erase a life, ” the redhead said with a mirthless laugh, one that sounded too much like her brother’s for fay’s comfort. but it did not matter to her what auburn was going to do, anyway. she had her part to play, and she did not have to know what exactly auburn would do to clean up the mess that had been made when eleanor hudson — leah to friends, apparently — had had an unscheduled death.

“ you know dying can be pretty rough … you should try to reach out to dylan — given how sure you are she ended up at his place — so he knows about it in advance, ” fay said, sounding less helpful than she was trying to be. she liked the teacher well enough, and she truly cared about dylan — and she had her doubts that he would take it in stride if one of the people are his institute suddenly sat back up. “ we wouldn’t want to traumatise him. ”

“ yes,  we  wouldn’t want that, would we, livia? ”

[hiemaliis]

@m--artii

fay was having  a terrible day. it had started when her hairdryer had decided to die on her in the morning, causing the awful state of her hair, and it had only continued when, in rapid succession, she had missed her bus, had realised that she had forgotten her dancing shoes at home and would thus miss dance practice again and that she had also forgotten about the essay she had been supposed to write for her history class. and really, all she wanted was to seek out a peaceful place, one of the many small sanctuaries new haven possessed, tucked away in easily-overlooked alleyways or somewhat hidden corners of the local museums. a little less than a century ago, she would have sought out the harbour, but it was a restricted area these days and she had yet to come up with a solution to get around this.

the immortal girl  was humming to herself as she got off the subway and made a beeline towards the next vending machine, silently daring it to add to the many things in her day that were not going according to plan, but the drink she had bought fell out of the machine without requiring her to throw herself against the machine. at least one thing that was not out to ruin her day. but like so many things in life, this moment of carefree sentiments was rudely shattered when she flinched at the screeching brakes of an oncoming train and lost her grip on her possessions as her first instinct was to run, to flee --- just before the second instinct  no, stay and fight  hit her like a punch in the face.

still torn ( though  it was fading quickly ),  she grimaced at her belongings that had fallen to the floor, thankful that the subway station near the historical museum was near always deserted around this time of the day. picking up her bag, she spotted the water bottle she had just bought on the floor near a stranger. sighing, she tucked a strand of messy hair behind her ear and made her way over to the man. ❛ excuse me, but could i  maybe  have my bottle back? please? ❜ she asked, her gaze firmly trained on his shoulder rather than this face. this was mortifying and she did not like it very much.

[hiemaliis]

NAME: livia fay hunter BLOOD STATUS: pureblood HOUSE: slytherin POSITIONS: prefect, beater of the Slytherin Quidditch team YEAR: 5 CLASSES: transfiguration (-), potions (-), charms (-), history of magic (-), defense against dark arts (-), herbology (-),  Astronomy (-), ancient runes (-), arithmancy (-) INTENDED CAREER POST-HOGWARTS: undecided WAND: wood: rowan // rowan wood is a prized wand wood due to its reputation for protection, and is noted to generally produce powerful, hard to break defensive charms. rowan is also noted for its believed disassociation with the dark arts as it has not been recalled that a single instance of a wizard with a rowan wand to ever have become evil or turned to the dark arts. perhaps for these reasons, rowan has become associated with pure-hearted wizards, though it has been noted that rowan wands can also match or even outperform others in duels. the rowan tree corresponds with her birthday in the Celtic calendar.  core: dragon heartstring // as a rule, dragon heartstrings produce wands with the most power, capable of the most flamboyant spells. dragon wands tend to learn quicker than other types. while they can change allegiance if won from their original master, they always bond strongly with the current owner. the dragon wand tends to be easiest to turn to the dark arts, though it will not incline that way of its own accord. it is also the most prone of the three cores to accidents, being somewhat temperamental. PATRONUS: not defined yet, will take the shape of a fox by the time fay graduates (cunning, strategy, quick-thinking, adaptability, cleverness, wisdom). she is somewhat irritated by her inability to cast this spell as the patronus charm is a defensive charm and TECHNICALLY, her wand should make it easier for her to cast this kind of spell. the issue, however, is the absence of a happy enough memory. BOGGART: her dead father

BIOGRAPHY:  livia fay hunter is a pureblooded witch who has been sorted into the slytherin house when she first arrived in hogwarts after a very sheltered childhood. in her fifth year now, she is one of the two prefects, but also beater for the slytherin quidditch team. her roommate is freya rosen, another pureblooded witch with remarkable ambition, and the witch is on friendly terms with the other, mostly because freya gets what it is like to be set apart better than most. however, fay does not have much of an opinion of the other slytherin girls in her year. if she socialises with other fifth year girls, it is mostly with charlotte pointiers and theresia severin --- two gryffindors. along with freya they have a study group  ( that is really more or a research group )  and due to the accumulation of talent for charms within the group, quite a few new charm spells originated during the hours they spent together. being talented in most fields, she favours charms and potions over transfiguration, though it would be wrong to say that she does not show potential for this subject, too. her dream would be to pursue a professional quidditch career, but as a pragmatic and rational person, she does not bet solely on this, preferring to keep her options open for as long as she can.

[hiemaliis]

new haven, the second

the moment fay  becomes aware of what the statement  everyone  is in new haven  means for her, she stops what she is doing. her hands fall against the ivory keys of the piano, making an ugly noise --- but she does not care because she is too busy staring down noel and auburn, silently begging them to tell her that this does not mean what she fears it means, but they just look at her and shrug. okay so this means exactly what she thinks it means and she is not sure if she likes it.

actually, she is  convinced that this is the opposite of what she wants.

so she is  going to live in new haven and richard will also be living in new haven, and she is too old to think that they will be able to avoid each other. that has not worked the last time, after all, and she sees no reason why it would work this time. and despite her many frustrated huffs, it is not like she hates richard. it is just --- it is just that she is still angry at herself for taking literal centuries to realise that the boy she keeps running into every few decades is the same and not a distant descendant of the first boy she has met, literal ages ago.

( and fay hates it when she disappoints herself, which happens frequently because at this point, she does not have anyone else left she could disappoint for a change. )

she does not  know what will happen when they are both in the same city at the same time. that has not happened since the 1920s, as far as she knows, and a part of her is nearly curious about the many possible outcomes. auburn's brother is not the only one with a scientific inclination. and she tells herself that this is why she is nervous. because there is something interesting headed her away --- and she cannot predict the outcome. which, in itself, is rare enough to explain why she is buzzing with energy.

his arrival is  scheduled, according to october, for the next weekend and fay wishes that she could spend the time until then in peace with herself, but she cannot bring herself to be calm about this. others might interpret her emotional state as anticipation for richard's arrival, but --- she knows it is not like that. it has never been like that. not in all the centuries they have known each other for now.

( or so she tells herself. )

there is no  real party thrown for his arrival, mostly because he does not come alone but rather in company of a mortal who thinks himself to be january's uncle. still, fay is not surprised when she arrives at one of the best restaurants in town for dinner with noel and auburn, and finds richard standing in front of the building.

some things, she  guesses, will never change, and that certain individuals prefer for them to deal with their issues before dinner happens is one of them.

❛ fae, ❜ he greets, his voice distant and collected --- not that it fools her. he can pretend as much as he wants; they are playing the same game and she has always been observant because being observant keeps her safe like nothing else.

she looks at  richard and she nearly grins because he still looks like he has looked when she has met him in london, less than a decade ago. taller than her, sure, but just as skinny. sharp elbows, sharper tongue --- just like back then. he is like her, she thinks, he never changes much and --- she takes a certain comfort in this. everyone else changes, always and constantly, and she never has had a chance to keep up.

london, five years  ago, could have changed things for them and she knows that she would have been okay with that as long as their balance would have survived the change.  they have never met there before so the city has been an unwritten story, a new chance.

but she has  ruined london, she knows, because she has not been able to keep her mouth shut. she has said too much and they have both not yet recovered from it. she does that a lot, she thinks, tends to say things others are not yet ready to hear, yes, but she mostly ruins everything she touches.

( she is winter, the season of death and doom in the eyes of many, and she sure as hell delivers on that. )

❛ rich, ❜ she replies, leaning against the pillar against her, trying to get a first feeling for how the next years would go. because it is never the same. each time they have met somewhere, their relationship has been different. which, granted has originally been because they have not known that there was the option to pick up where they have quit the last time, but has since established itself as a foundation of their relationship.

she does not  really blink at the nickname and she does not mind it anywhere as much as she would later claim, because this, too, has always been a cornerstone of their --- bond. she remembers him calling her viv, remembers him calling her mir, because he is richard and he has found out a long time ago that it is a guaranteed way to get a reaction out of her. or has been, really, because these days she mostly reacts because it is part of the script.

scanning him again,  she slowly nods --- mostly to herself. in the last century or so, one of the few riddles she has been unable to crack has been this: why does richard constantly ghost through her thoughts? it is a mystery that nearly drives her to drastic measures, because there is one thought she cannot crush, that her thoughts sometimes spiral around him because they have a certain connection.

and it is not  the typical  we are the embodiment of neighbouring months  connection, it is something else. though, of course, she has never met march so she cannot say for sure. still, richard is different from the others because he gets her, and once in a while, that is both enough to freak her out and to calm her down.

❛ it's good to see you healthy, ❜ richard says slowly and she hears the  for a change  but does not comment on it. she does not want to discuss her awful health right now, right here. another time and place, maybe.

❛ thank you, ❜ she replies, checking her wristwatch. ❛ well, i guess we have a dinner to get to? ❜

[hiemaliis]

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