#V's had the habit since she was a worker

[peacockrulz]

An Well Made Excuse To Post My Specific Headcanons I've Had Since The Show Came Out

[kalpeavaris]

oh whats that? Murder Drones Dragon!AU? Yeah?? Anyways I had a little blackout today and uh... doodles this... here you go. I even have a lil concept for it, teehee. Maybe I'll do more with it besides these doodles.

Anyways, lore drop time!!

In this AU, Dragons are a mammal-based species living on Copper-9, a habital planet similar to Earth (think Proxima Centauri b but Copper-9), where the humans had set up camp in the 3050s to study the species of dragons, which they had done for a long time. Due to the dragons high level of intelligence (on par with that of humans and exceeding it) as well as their similarities in DNA and being both mammals despite the dragons lizard-esque appearance.

Now, in this AU there's no Solver (not as virus, seperate entity or smth like that) but instead there's just Cyn. Cyn is the result of splicing human & dragon DNA, creating the first successful hybrid of both species. The experimentation around hybrids was kickstarted by James Elliott after losing his daughter Tessa in her 20s to cancer, wanting some way to revive his daughter or potentially even clone her with DNA that might help her live longer and healthier (since clones usually also experience a similar fate to their donor). Cyn was the result after many failed attempts and embryos that died off or were barely alive for a few hours/days, and combined a good appearance of the dragon donor and Tessa.

She is however, like other clones, her own being - but being treated as both a "replacement Tessa/daughter" to the Elliott family as well as being constantly used as a 'lab rat' has droven her really bitter. And who can blame her :')) Her body and mind both aged way faster than the usual human, attributed to both her dragon DNA and that of Tessa having been extracted in her early 20s. She's witty, sharp-tongued and prone to violence, which has brought the labratory responsible for testing at edge with Cyn being there.

You see, dragons in this AU all have a pre-destined element they can control to some extend, and they grow into learning how to control this power. Some can breathe it, some can use it similar to how element bending in Avatar worked, some can alter the state of said element through touch or even telepathy. Cyn can control every element to a molecular level, though the 'downside' is that she has to physically touch it for the time being and cannot use telepathy, which doesn't lower the incredibly level of a threat she's posing to basically anyone in her vicinity.

Killing off every human lab worker in 3054, she essentially takes over the lab and becomes her own entity, which is the "Absolute Solver" in this AU. Since Cyn's DNA was also used to inject "willing" test subjects like other dragons and humans, her abilities were spread, which includes Nori - who later passed on these genes and abilities to Uzi. Yeah, Cyn and Uzi are basically somewhat related in this AU. She's her grandmother... to some extend?? I guess?? PART TIME MOTHER???

N, V and J already exist in this AU and they're all workers for the Elliott family, similar to the OG. J is their secretary and was in a secretive relationship with Tessa, which makes the whole ordeal of Tessa passing & a clone being created (which is on the look out to kill people for revenge, whoops) a very emotional affair for her - and she has grown incredibly bitter over this. N & V are her younger siblings, and with N being pretty much the goody two shoes and V prone to spontaneous arson, trouble is pre-programmed.

N & V are both responsible for seeking out so called "wild dragons" (dragons that refused to integrate themselves into human society and argue that their sapient status means they shouldn't be working in such degrading manners, which slay, fuck capitalism and colonization) - and on one of their hunts in 3071 they meet Uzi, the daughter of one of the largest dragons ever known to both socities... and after initially being afraid of her they quickly learn she's quite... well... she's coming after her dad. Uzi however keeps them at bay, and intruiges both N and V with her demeanor, who agree to not harm anyone if Uzi in response shows them "her way of living".

It's not all fleshed out but it's coming!!

some tidbits I'm just gonna toss here:

-> Uzi's thumbs were amputated as a hatchling since descendants of Cyn's DNA were all born with 4 fingers & 1 thumb, while other dragons usually only have 4 fingers. To hide that Uzi's one of Cyn's descendants, Khan and Nori decided it'd be best.

-> N, V and J were labgrown dragons created in the 3050s, which the humans used to create in order to integrate them into human society easier... and exploit them as low-wage workers.

[featherwingbrushes]

Feeling Better <3

Sooooo I decided to write more of a self-indulgent tickle fic again bc it’s been a long day. A long few weeks, months, eh. Especially with school kicking my ass and some tougher stuff I’m dealing with in lacrosse (reader is a lacrosse player too). So I wanna feel better don’t judge me lol

Anyway, tickle fic, don’t like then don’t read!

Ler!V x Lee!GN!WD!Reader

Finally, the sun went down. Thought that stupid ball of fire would float there forever.

V thought to herself with a digital eye roll, finally able to pop out of the crashed ship. She had spent the night within the old spire, catching up with J for the day to patch some old wounds up and clarify what had really happened in the past, all that good stuff and whatnot.

But now V could leave without fear of the sun burning her up, off to visit her partner in the Colony, who she knew was always home at around this time.

Funny, V considered, that she would end up with a Worker Drone as a lover when hunting them down for so long. Odd little masochistic drone, she often joked. But it had been at least a year since that and the whole AbsoluteSolver fiasco that followed. Times changed.

So V deployed her bladed wings, spreading them and launching off the top of the ship with a powerful beat, zipping off to the nearby bunker. She shot past the WDF drones keeping watch by three doors, not even bothering to use her easy-access pass to open whatever areas she needed to get through, opting for her much-faster vent travels. It also led her directly to your room instead of the winding pathways she’d have to weave through.

A couple minutes later and she arrived at her destination, seeing you sprawled out on your bed as she expected, so she rapped a few times on the grate of the vent.

You jumped from the sudden clanging noise, startled by the harsher sound, glancing over to see what had caused it. Of course, it was just V, which you weren’t too surprised about.

“How many times do I have to tell you not to creepily crawl around in the vents?” You heaved a sigh, lazily sliding off the bed to your feet before dragging yourself over to the wall. You crouched down and tugged the loosened grate off anyway, pulling V out from the cramped space onto the floor.

“Oh, you love this creepy-crawler, don’t even.” She scoffed, dusting herself off once she was back on her feet.

Well, legs. Peg legs? Best not to think about it.

You rolled your eyes in return, but gave her a small begrudging smile nonetheless, wandering back over to your bed before flopping down on it again.

V just gave a slight smirk at that, slow to follow though plopped down beside you a minute later. She narrowed her eyes a little, noticing your smile was rather short-lived, now a small frown.

“Hey. What’s wrong with you?” She prompted bluntly, raising a digital brow.

Your gaze flicked over to hers. “Whaddoya mean, ‘what’s wrong with me’? What’s wrong with you?” You countered childishly out of habit.

“No, don’t just play that off, there’s something off about you. You’re all frowny. Usually I get, like, at least a stupidly obnoxious nervous smile.”

“Wow, so nice. I’m fine, V.”

“Oh nuh uh, don’t you go saying that again. When you say you’re fine like that, that means you’re never fine.” She huffed in response, sitting up to lightly glare down at you.

You just rolled your eyes at her persistence again, but she was right. There was obviously something off. You hadn’t even forced her into a hug yet, and your usual cheerfulness had all but dissipated. “I’m fine. It’s… It’s just been a long game day, okay? I’m tired.”

V arched a brow again, though it clicked in her mind that it was, in face, a game day for you, and she had meant to ask about it. “Oh, right, your semi-finals game. How’d that go? Beat them again like last time? Any oil leftover from the losers for me to drink~?”

“No. We lost.” You muttered, gaze darting away from hers as you laid there, sprawled out flat on your back. Completely ignoring her playful idea of a joke at the end.

“Huh. Really? What happened?”

And there were the magic trigger words. You heaved a sigh, pushing yourself to sit up and physically prepare to launch into a rant that had been simmering inside for hours.

“We lost our shit, is what happened. We could’ve totally crushed that team. We’ve beaten ‘em before, we should’ve been able to do them again. Hell, they even avoided scheduling a game with us up until the point where they absolutely had to, just because of how we beat them on their own turf after the finals, in regionals last year. But we weren’t playing as a team and as always, it was just the two star players with the ball constantly, our plays were falling apart before even being attempted, we kept failing on defense, and blah blah blah rest is history and we lost.”

“Well shit. Sucks for—”

“—AND my coach has been acting really shitty lately! I mean, we have three, and yet they’ve all been let downs at some point. Kirkman, our paid coach, she doesn’t even really coach and kinda just deals with the roster and stats. Lindsey, our oh-so-amazing returning player alumni is a huge downer and was constantly like, “you guys are all taking this as a joke, hope you’re happy, whatever” and we’re like, no, we’re taking this seriously, but you don’t have to harp on all the bad shit constantly. And Jared is the worst of them all lately! I used to like how nice and great of a guy he was, but he’s been tossing these comments here and there that are bugging the hell out of me. Not only is he failing to include a lot of the players, but he’s been doing it consistently now! I was a benchwarmer last year and beginning this season I kicked off with tons of play time, nearly all four quarters, and I was a starter! Now I’ve been tossed to the side, slowly waned out over the last few weeks to the point where last game I was in for two minutes. Two fucking minutes. Like I had just picked up a stick that season. And when I asked him about it last game, he was like “No, sorry, I’m waiting until we’re at least six goals up before I start subbing in players”, and this game when I asked, being very direct —but still nice— about how I “wanted to go in and I used to be a starter and I miss being on the field!”, he said “Yeah, I was standing on the far sidelines so I could avoid subbing people in. I know you miss it.” EXCUSE ME? Then DO something ABOUT IT you fucking prick! It’s not like I’m a terrible attacker. I’m fairly decent. I’m just not passed the ball often and teammates still have issues with trusting people not in their stupid tight-knight circle. And the players he’s been replacing me with I’m either equal to or sometimes better than— depending on the day. It’s like I don’t even deserve to be there! Why bother!??”

V just sat there quietly, rather stunned by the barrage of angry ranting she had been unexpectedly hit by. But despite her usual careless attitude, her expression softened a little and she realized what the root of the problem was. All of Jared’s behaviors and statements and the treatment you were receiving on the team had completely crushed what progress you had made on believing you deserved to be there.

She sighed, hesitantly reaching out to rest a hand on top of your fidgeting ones as you laid on your back. “Hey, hey. I get it, you’re mad. And you have every right to be upset. But you do deserve to be there, you know that, right? You do. You’re just going to train harder to be seen, but even though Jared is being an ass even in charge, that doesn’t mean he’s right. You are good enough.”

You grew quiet for a moment, head turned away in the silence. But you reached to gently squeeze her hand back, speaking up again.* “…yeah, I guess. I… I don’t know, I think I’m just tired of this bullshit. If it’s not the team not trusting me, it’s the coaches not believing I’m good enough, or one of them being a huge downer, or whatever else. It’s always something. And to top it all off, we didn’t even make it to the finals this time. Champions of five years dethroned.”

“Hey, that’s okay. Work for it next year.” V replied, trying to offer a reassuring smile. Although that wasn’t her forte, so a moment later she donned a smirk and retracted her other hand for her silvery-blades claw. “And if these coaches and players are really bothering you that much, I’ll just pop their little heads off.”

You couldn’t help but snicker a little at that, mood lightening a tad after all that weight was off your chest. “Aw, just for me, hun?”

“Just for you, darling~”

“Oh shut up, no more mass massacres for you.”

“Why not? I’ve been pretty great about not popping heads off recently. No treat of organic oil straight from the source~?”

“V, you’re not hunting down my coaches and teammates, no matter how much they piss me off sometimes.”

“Aw. And I bet they would’ve tasted so good.” V sighed wistfully, grinning with one of her blades tapped against one of her sharp metal fangs.

“Eugh, gross.” You huffed, barely suppressing a smile at that. At least your girlfriend was protective and loving, in her own twisted way sometimes. You heaved another small sigh, the smile fading for a moment as you laid back with your eyes closed, arms above your head, just trying to shake off the lingering pain of it all.

V soon noticed the lingering frown, a small pout of her own crossing her expression. She was trying her best to make you feel better here! Where was your smile and energy, damn it!?

“Hey. Hey, stop being all downy over there.” She grumbled, retracing her blade claw, reaching out to jab your exposed side with a smoother-metal finger instead. “Smile stupidly or whatever.”

But rather than just a swat and returned grumble like she expected, you jolted away with a small squeak, like you had just been shocked by a live wire. Eyes wide, you slowly looked up to meet V’s gaze, watching as the gears shifted in her mind… and it clicked. She found an instantaneous way to drag that smile and happier attitude out of you whether you wanted her to or not!

At the same time, you were already sitting up and trying to scoot away, but V was quick to pounce as the predator she was, looming over your smaller form with a devious grin and widened eyes not even a split-second later. “Oh, Y/n~”

“I said smile~”

You felt a shiver prickle up your spine from that, staring up into the crazed, mischievous yellow eyes of your far-stronger girlfriend. “Uh… n-no thanks…”

“Oh, but I wasn’t asking.” She flashed you another smirk before suddenly snatching up your sides, fingers digging into them through your thin jersey without warning.

“N-No, wahait— VEE—!” The reaction was immediate, and you erupted into giggles before dropping back into the bed below, curling up as best as you could. Trapped on your back with V hovering over you, now easily straddling your hips to keep you pinned while she skittered her fingers all along your sides. And just as she wanted, you had a huge grin plastered back on your face, even if it was against your will.

“Tch, there’s that stupid smile I love. Didn’t even take me five seconds.” She muttered under her breath, smiling in satisfaction as you writhed around underneath her, snickering up a storm.

“VEEHEHEHE!!! Yohohohou bihihitch!”

“Well that’s not very nice. And after all I’m doing, being a great girlfriend, bringing a smile back to her stupidly insecure yet amazing partner’s face.”

“NOHOHOT as sweheheheet as yohohou mahahake ihit SEHEHEEM, yohou fuhuhucker!”

V rolled her eyes at that, deciding that was quite enough giggly swearing spilling from your lips for now. “Okay, that’s enough from you.” And she swiftly shifted spots, fingers zipping from your lower sides up to your ribs, drilling into the spaces between the “bones” and spidering over the actual surfaces.

That earned a sharper squeak, bordering on a squeal, and you instantly curled up as best as you could, arms clamped to your sides as she burrowed into those worse spots. Her fingers were relentless, merciless instruments, digging out every squeak, squirm, and snicker she could find.

“T’aw, and now all you can do is just giggle your little head off. No more profanity protests for you. You’re too pint-sized for that anyway~”

“SHUHUHUHUT UHUHAHAP!”

“Oh I’m sorry, what was that? Couldn’t hear you over your cackling.”

“IHIHIHIHI’LL GAHAHAHAHEHEY YOHOHHOU BAHAHAHACK FOHOHOAHAR THIHIHIHIS!!”

“I doubt it.”

And with that she continued on, occasionally darting up to dig into your underarms for an extra giggly squirming mess, before diving back down to jab at your hips, then back up to your ribs.

“God, you’re like a wiggly worm over here! Ridiculously sensitive. Like, you’re the most ticklish drone I’ve met, yet one of the hardest to actually tickle because of all your wriggling.”

You just hissed back at best as you could, but by then most of your snap backs and insults and name-callings were completely dissolved into uncontrollable laughter. Absolutely helpless and grinning like a fool underneath the bigger Disassembly Drone, just squirming and kicking and screeching without her so much as budging one inch. That thin jersey offered zero protection.

Eventually V slowed down to just light skitters along your sides, giving you a much-needed reprieve to catch your artificial breath, though still with lingering wheezes and chitters.

“Wow. Well I brought a smile and more. Aren’t I just the best?”

“Ehehehe… h-he… sh-shuhuddup…” You mumbled breathlessly, going slack atop the bed, the occasional twitch from her roaming fingers. “…thahat wahas… w-was mehean…”

”Mm, maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. But I’m not done yet.” V donned a sly grin again, leaning in closer, half lying on top of your limp form.

Your eyes were instantly wide as saucers, quickly coming to the realization that this ticklish torment wasn’t over yet, and you were still strung along for the ride. You glanced up at her in alarm, freezing up although not moving to escape. Too tired to bother… and maybe you didn’t hate it all that much. Maybe an itty-bitty part of it was enjoyable, the light-heartedness needed after that huge dip in self-worth from the lacrosse season.

”W-Wait whahat— wh-what do you m-mean, you’re not done??” You echoed, flutters of panic and anticipation rising again.

“I mean, I’m not done with torturing you. Obviously. C’mon, loser, thought you would’ve at least understood that.”

“No, I did, I— oh for f-fuck’s sake, never mind. Just what do you mean—”

“This.” V shrugged, cutting you off before suddenly thrusting her hands under your shirt and latching onto your sides again, in more direct contact with the softer flexible metal. However instead of just anywhere on your ribs or sides themselves, she specifically drilled into those spots just under your ribcage, one of the absolute weakest areas she knew of on you.

And the reaction here was even better.

“No— VEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEE!!!”

You immediately burst into a squeal and collapsed into hysterics, thrashing around underneath her worse than you had ever fought before.

That point was such a huge weakness, and V was absolutely thrilled to take advantage of that. And she drilled hard into those spots, far more relentless than before, and trained on that area for at least a solid minute before pulling her hands away, slipping them out from under the fabric.

You went slack again, panting and getting out residual laughter for another minute, slowly coming down from the high of hysterics. V stared down at her messily sprawled-out, flustered mess of a partner with a slightly softened look now, easily noting the way your visor had fully heated up and flushed a nice neon shade of (color). She rested her hands atop your sides, gently rubbing away the phantom tingles still crawling all over the ravaged areas, a twitchy grin left on your face as you laid there.

Eventually, you managed to refocus enough to catch your breath and speak up again, still rather exhausted.* “Ehehe…. I-Is it over yet…?”

“Yes, it’s over, Y/n.” V chuckled quietly, keeping up the comforting rubs as you recovered, enjoying the view and definitely not at all feeling a smidge of guilt over her attack.

“Y-Yay…”

“Oh don’t be so dramatic, babe. It’s not like you need oxygen.”

“M-Meh meh meh… d-drone instinct anyway…”

“Whatever, you. Come here.” V scoffed with an eye roll, cautiously scooping you up in her arms as she now laid beside you, one hand still rubbing your farthest side. She studied you for a brief moment, a warmer smile on her face than she would’ve ever admitted. “…You okay there?”

It took you a minute, but you had eventually recovered enough past giggles, though a smile was still painted across your flushed face. “Mm… y-yeah, I am. I guess. Sure.”

“Mhm, but really?”

“Yes, hun, really.”

“Good.”

“…Besides the literal physical torture you just put me through.”

“Oh shut up, you enjoyed it anyway. You’re still smiling right now, aren’t you?”

“…shut up.”

“Exactly.” V nodded, decisively ending it as she pulled you closer, figuring now it was time to fully calm down after bringing your smile back in such an aggressive manner. But she was right anyway, you had enjoyed it. Something you hadn’t realized you needed. And V seemed to know, thinking to herself on it as she clutched her little Worker love to her chest, who nuzzled further into her with arms snugly wrapped around her torso.

…Worth it.

“I’m happy you’re feeling better.”

———

Okay, end of the fic! How we feeling, these who made it through?? Sorry it was a little more rant-heavy at first, though I did warn yall it was self-indulgent lol

Anyway, lemme know if you enjoyed! Or if you want to see more fics! Or both!

Requests are open!

[wafflexdguy]

V SFW Alphabet!

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For people on Tumblr, the book on Wattpad is where you're a worker drone, but you can interpret yourself being whatever you want.

Follow my Wattpad account for more content.

Masterlist

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A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

She doesn't really show affection often, but that's not to say that she doesn't show any at all. She'll occasionally do handholding and hugging. If she's really feeling flirty, she'll kiss you just so she can say how much you blushed.

Ignoring the fact that she was blushing as much as you were.

B = Bad Habits (What bad habits do they have?)

She can come off as careless. So much so that it almost seems like she doesn't care at all.

She doesn't really have a solution for this, because despite already being in a relationship, she really doesn't want to get too attached in case someone destroys the planet. It really only around Episode 4 that this ideology gets snuffed out.

Other than that is just that she can be a huge nuisance when it's inappropriate.

"Damn, should have brought marshmallows."

"V, my house is on fire. Not the time."

C = Comfort (Are they a good shoulder to cry on or do they get awkward?)

They get awkward. I mean, wouldn't you?

How she thinks about it is dependent on which episode you place yourself in. If it's prior to Ep.1, then it's more of:

"Ok, I kill Worker Drones for a living, but now I have one crying on my shoulder what do I do-?"

After that, It's more of just actually being awkward, since she hasn't shown affection in a long time, if not years. They'll listen, but their comfort isn't going to be the best.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Does she want to settle down? Mayhaps.

She doesn't really know. She likes the idea of finally being able to relax and just enjoying each others company, but at the same time, is it really even worth it?

If you ask her nicely, she'll probably do it.

E = Energy (Would you have trouble keeping up with them?)

No.

She's generally laid back but also semi-energetic, like what we see in the show. If you're not hugely energetic, you'll have no problem keeping up with her.

F = Fear (What are they scared of when it comes to you?)

Probably just you dying.

She doesn't like to think about the idea of you dying for obvious reasons, but also because she won't really know what to do with herself afterwards.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

She's not gentle per' se, but she's also not really overbearing. Occasionally she'll fuck around with you, getting you riled up and/or get you annoyed if she's really bored. If it gets too much for you though, she'll stop.

Now physically, she's actually kind of gentle when it comes to that. She won't go rough, since if she's showing affection, she's likely just feeling icky or bad. So she'll just want comfort normally like anyone would.

H = Honesty (Do they have secrets they hide?)

Really?

Yeah, she has secrets to hide. Like how she had assisted in killing an entire planet. But other than that, she doesn't have other huge secrets to hide.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Not fast. It's probably going to have to be a major event that happens that doesn't have to be Ep.8 that'll scare her enough to where she'll just say "I love you". It can be just to where if you both somehow get really close to death, or if she gets close to death, It doesn't really matter.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they're jealous?)

She doesn't get jealous often but she get jealous enough to where she'll get really annoyed. Why are you spending 5 hours talking to them?

Yeah, it'd take a bit to get her jealous.

If she's jealous for whatever reason, she'll just kill the drone in question. Simple as that. She needs the oil anyway.

If you manage to catch on early enough, you can stop her from killing said drone.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Sloppy kisses if she's feeling really teasy and if you're okay with it.

L = Listen (Do they hang off your every word or have selective hearing?)

They don't hang off your every word, but they also don't have selective hearing.

She'll listen to you if she's not busy (obviously) but if she's doing something that isn't major, but still requires her attention, she'll hear you, but she probably isn't listening.

M = Maintenance (Are they high maintenance? Low? Maybe so?)

They aren't high maintenance. They're definitely low maintenance, because she was literally made to take care of herself.

Mentally though? They are also low maintenance, but she can get easily stressed. She might need your help to calm down if it ever gets to a point where she might lash out.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

I eventually want to make a oneshot out of this, but basically how she typically sleeps (Upside down) but just hugging you.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

They probably won't open up at all. More specifically: she wont just start telling you about her past, since she does her best to repress that as much as she possibly can. But she'll maybe vent to you about how her life sucked before she met you (or N) but that's about it.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

If you want to speedrun pissing her off, get hurt. To be more clear, if you ever got hurt by another drone/person, she'll get instantly pissed off. Other than that, just being annoying can also anger her.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

They'll remember all the things you like and don't like that are easy to remember. She doesn't hang onto every little thing you like or dislike, but she'll make an effort to do something nice for you.

"Oh! A... Dead flower???"

"It's the only one they had."

Please note that results may vary.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

"I love you." You said out of the blue, looking away from her.

You and V had been sitting on top of a roof, just looking at the moon and embracing the moonlight above you. V, caught off guard choked on her own spit as she tried to process the sudden surprise.

She looked at you indescribably. You two had been unofficially been in a relationship, but hearing that made her core vibrate. Almost like it was reaching out to you. Craving that affection.

"Okay..." Was all she could say, leaning her head onto yours.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

She's protective over you. She doesn't like seeing you getting hurt (naturally) and typically will be quite murdery when it comes to your safety. Don't confuse her for yandere, it's just her usual attidtude.

You can't really protect her, let's be honest. (Again, you're worker drone in this scenario) So at most you'd be emotional support.

T = Temper (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

She'd put her fair share of effort into dates, much to your surprise probably. Gifts, though?

"V, not that I don't appreciate your gifts, but are dead flowers really the only thing they had?"

"Yes."

U = Unwind (How do they relax?)

Spending any amount of time with you probably helps her wind down, and typically just likes doing random bullshit with you. It can be anything, really, but it'll help her relax around you.

V = Value (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Probably not much. Maybe her hair, but that's about it.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Yeah, but she probably won't show it. This is assuming you haven't died by the way, so she knows you'll come back, but in the meantime, it's almost like there isn't much of anything to do.

She'll probably hang out with Lizzy until you come back.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Random Teasing Headcanon (RTH tm)

She'll occasionally show off her strength by picking you up. It can be anything, from a piggy back ride, to picking you up bridal style. She loves it when you blush uncontrollably.

Y = Yearning (How do they act when separated?)

Already answered, but bored and incomplete.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

She occasionally sleep talks. It can be from anything embarrassing, or just kind of heartwarming.

[mrsjavierpena]

not (un)expected | part 1

javier peña x f!secretary!reader

summary: Javier has one, only one very strict policy: to not ever fuck a co-worker; specially if that co-worker is his own secretary. but you make it such a hard promise to keep

chapter warnings: narcos' spoilers, smut, grinding, unprotected p in v, kind of exhibitionism, (light?) angst, a lot of cursing (its javier pena), kinda slow burn/slow start, unspecified age gap, work dynamics, reader has no name/descripition (but has hair long enough to pull), no use of 'y/n'

IMPORTANT: English is not my first language, i've done my best with grammar but there will be mistakes (fuck prepositions i hate them), so pls overlook those

wordcount: 7k

an: this is part one of a two part story; feel free to reblog and leave your comment. im so happy with the reception of this fic, its my first time posting something here, thank you guys so much for the support - also, if you want to be tagged in part two (really don't know when is coming out) just lmk in the comments.

hope you enjoy!

Javier was known for being an asshole.

Everyone in the office called him that; not to his face, of course, since he was the boss, but he knew, and honestly? He kind of did it on purpose. Being sent back to Colombia to be the CIA puppy didn't in fact thrilled him, but he also wasn't there to make friends. A little bit later than one month into his new position and Javier had already changed secretaries twice. Just by being himself.

The first one was a kind old lady that liked to talk a little bit too much for Javi's taste - which was none. To be fair, he tried to handle her. He listened to her talking of her yougest child finishing college, but she asked him if maybe he could get him a job at the deparment - what in the actual fuck? -, she felt the need to tell him that her older one and his wife were trying to have a baby - he wondered what gave her the impression he wanted to know that her son was fucking someone raw. She just wouldn't shut up. She left not much after a month, at his first snap - took him too long, to be honest.

The last one was a young man fresh out of the academy, who thanked him for the opportunity every time he saw him - which, since he was just outside his office, was pretty often. Despite how thankful he was for the job, he wasn't very interested in working, at least not as he was to flirting with another secretary in the floor below. But that wasn't the worst part, the kid had no idea what he was supposed to do and would go ask Javier for help for every task given to him - he swore he was shaking everytime. Javi didn't care that he was young and was learning, he didn't receive enough to raise a child at work. Didn't last a week.

Javier had headaches just by the thought of who would be sent next. With his current luck, it could be his ex-fiancée. He definitely didn't expect you knocking on his office door and introducing yourself as his new secretary. He was speechless for a moment; you were the combo of the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life with a killing black pencil skirt, so tight it showed all your curves. You gave him a firm handshake and asked if he needed anything from you, and, when he denied, that was it. You went to your desk; didn't ask him questions, didn't tell him your whole life, didn't thank him for an opportunity he didn't give you, just went to do your work.

For a while, Javier was glad that you didn't give him any trouble, but that was until you quickly learned his habits. As soon as he arrived the office, you would receive him with a polite smile, a cup of black coffee and his schedule for the day. When he dove into files and forgot he was a person, you would bring him his lunch and wouldn't leave until he had at least a bite - as if he was a kid, what an absurd -, you would sense when he was stressed and would excuse yourself into his office with coffee and a pack of cigarettes and leave without saying a word.

He hated how much he appreciated that - even worse, how he liked that. It didn't take long for him to want to fuck you, to become obssessed with you. And it wasn't just him, he could see every other men in the department - single or not - turn their neck as they watched you pass by. But it was not just that you were hot, you were nice too; he would watch you from his office - not in a creepy way, though, he just didn't have anything much better to do - and you would distribute smiles and polite greetings to every soul that passed your desk, people would constantly stop by to small talk with you and you would let them be for five minutes or so before politely dismiss them to go back to work. Every fucking body there adored you.

Things had always been very professional between you both. Javi held back his flirty instinct and you- well, you didn't even seem interested in him at all. That was untill a very stressfull friday with Stechner giving him shit again. He left the building straigh to the bar, ready to drown himself on whiskey and find a quick fuck for the night, not expecting at all to find you aparently doing the same. Javier considered just ignoring you and go sitting with one of the women that turned their heads in his direction as soon as he entered, but something inside of him made him take the few steps to the bar and get the stool beside where you sat.

You almost spilled your drink when he approached.

"Sorry" you coughed "Wasn't expecting to see you here"

Your body language told him that you weren't comfortable with him there, he saw your backs getting as straight as when you were at work, and immediately regretted joining you.

"Well, that makes it two of us" he raised his hand to order his drink "What's the occasion?" he points to your drink with his chin.

Your grip on your glass seemed to tighten and you took one very long sip before answering dryly "I could ask you the same"

"Work" he raised his brows "It's always work"

"Did something happen after I left?" you pinched your brows.

"No, no, just people giving me shit"

"Oh, I see..." you sighed and silence fell between you.

"So..."

"Well..." you both started talking together and laughed akwardly.

"You go" you said.

"Am I bothering you? Cause I didn't mean to, I can sit somewhere else" he didn't even know why he was asking, he should've just said goodbye and left. He was already standing when your hand found his arm.

You sighed heavily "No, not at all, I'm sorry I gave that impression, sir" you seemed genuine, that's why he sat back "I'm just stressed"

Sir. Why were you calling him sir in a bar?

"Do you want to talk about it? If there's something bothering you we can discuss it and sol-"

"It's not work related" you were quick to interrupt "Work is, honestly, the simplest part of my life right now"

"Things must be pretty bad then, 'cause I see the amount of papers on your desk everyday" that made you chucke "The offer still stands, if you want to"

You took a big breath before dropping the bomb "Broke up with my boyfriend"

Now that was a new territory. He knew absolutly nothing about your life besides you moving to Colombia from the United States; he didn't know anything from your life back there, not your family, friends, definitely not about your boyfriend; and now, somehow, knowing you didn't have one anymore made it even harder for him not to want you.

"What happened?"

"Well, actually, it seems like we had already broken up a while ago and he just forgot to send the memo" you drank your whole half glass all at once ", since he was fucking every pussy that crossed his fucking way"

He was stunned. One thing about Javier was that he was never to deny any woman; honestly, he found every body attractive and apreciatted every woman that gave herself to him. He couldn't say he had a type, but you, with what he saw with your clothes on? He would fuck you every minute of everyday he could. It was absurd to believe someone would give up on you.

"Damn!" he couldn't help but say loudly, making your eyes go wide as if just then realising what you had just said.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be telling you this. I apologise, sir"

"You don't- don't apologise" he almost raised his hand to touch you, but stopped himself before "How did you find out?" you looked at him with raised brows "If you don't mind me asking"

"One of my friends called me last night and told me. She saw him at a bar with two women" you laughed, but there was no humor to be found.

"And you were still smiling at everyone at work today" he was impressed.

You smirked at him "Don't let my personal life mix with work, sir"

"Smart woman" he nods "We for sure have a reason to drink, then" waving his hand to the barman "Let me buy you one"

You don't even bother to refuse.

After three more glasses of what he found out was tequila, your shoulders were much more relaxed and so was your tongue. He found out that you and your ex had been dating for six years when you got the opportunity of job and had to move; two months had passed already.

"And you know what the worst part is?" your laugh is dry "I don't even feel bad because my heart is broken or any shit like that, it's just that is so fucking humiliating" you groaned with your hands on your face "I'm from a small town, you know, by now every soul there knows what he's been doing"

He had to laugh "That's what you're worried about?" you looked at him with false ofense.

"It's my honor we're talking about here!" he laughed even more "It's silly, I know..." you sigh shakly as you take another sip of your drink "But it is humbiling, being cheated on"

"I can't fucking believe anyone could ever cheat on you" he thought. At least he thought he did, but by the way you were looking at him - pinched brows and a curious look in your face, he had to have said it out loud "I mean, only shitty people cheat on nice people. Only shitty people cheat, that's it."

You nodded after a few seconds of silence "You're right, sir"

"You should stop calling me sir"

"I don't think so"

"Why not? We're already half drunk together at a shitty bar"

"Because you're still my boss"

Without any response to that, he looks at you. Really looks at you. Your eyes glassy from the alcohol, red puffy lips looking more appealing than ever... It would have been so easy to just lean in and kiss you. When his eyes came back to yours, it almost seemed like they were on his lips too, that you were leaning in too, that you desired him as much as he desired you and... Then it was not there anymore. Suddenly, you seemed farther than ever, backs as streight as always and eyes avoiding his.

"I should go home"

He agreed. He put you on a cab. He wished you a goodnight.

Then went back to the bar to find someone to not spend the night alone.

The next Monday, though, you seemed even more professional than ever. Wouldn't be around him more than the necessary, wouldn't look him in the eyes and it fucking bothered him.

"Yes, sir?" you entered his office after he called your name.

He sighs as he looked you up and down, his eyes lingering to your skirt pressing against your tights "How are you?"

"I'm fine" you hesitated "Why do you ask? Is something wrong?"

"Lying to me, 's all" your eyes went wide "Listen, last night-"

Your nostrils flared, your hands clenching into fists; you took a deep breath before interrupting him "I am fine"

"Ok, then" he raised his hands in defensiveness "It's just that last night-"

"Last night I was drunk!" you passed your hands through your face "I said things I shouldn't have and I am embarressed and would very much appreciate if we pretended that it never happened"

Javier was silent for a moment. He understandood your apprehension, but damn if he wasn't dismayed by it.

"Alright, 'm sorry I brought it up. But just to let you know, you don't have anything to be embarressed for, you have my word that I wouldn't hold any if that against you and..." and it was nice to talk to you "Yeah, don't worry about that"

You looked at him for a few seconds before nodding "You need anything else, sir?"

Many things, yeah. For starters, you calling him by his name; second, being able to have a casual conversation with you when alcohol isn't envolved and third, your fucking clothes off because he got embarrassingly hard just by looking at you. But instead, he only denied and you left before any other word could leave his mouth.

Javi knew it was for the best. Fucking you would be no good - well, he'd bet it would be hot as shit, but too much trouble for a one night stand. He had a whole city to fool around with, to be focused in someone from his work place, his own secretary, was nonsense. You never even gave him any hint you wanted him, if anything, the actual opposite; you told him yourself last night, personal life away from work.

Javi made sure to remember all that.

➫

He didn't keep those thoughts for long, though.

A few days later, you met at a bar once again. A better one this time and with half of the office joined. It was Feistl's birthday and he invited the whole department for drinks. Nobody could hide their surprise when Javi aproached them; usually, he wouldn't attend this type of gathering, in his rarely free times, he better prefered the company of a good whiskey and a woman, and his colleagues knew that. His employee had invited him just to be polite and that was clear, but he knew you were going to be there, Javi just wanted one more opportunity to prove to himself that you didn't feel the same way he did, that he didn't have the same effect on you that you had on him. Once that prooved, he could move on. So he was there on a mission, trying to be the most discrete he could as he watched you from afar.

The two of you seemed to be the reflexion of each other from across the table, tense bodies and drinks in hand, the only difference being you talking with your colleagues and him not making the effort. To his defense, people weren't trying to talk to him either. Honestly, Javier kind of felt like it wasn't just that they were surprised to see him there, it felt like they didn't want him there at all by some looks he was receiving.

He was okay with that, he guessed, he would much rather analyse your behavior outside work. You didn't seem to change much, honestly; maybe your smile were a little bit more genuine, but the conversations were pretty much the same he heard you have back in the office and it could have been the larger amount of alcohol in your system that night, yeah, but you seemed more relaxed alone with him.

After half an hour there, Javi couldn't bring himself to talk to you, you seemed too interested in a conversation about the new coffee pot in the scullery with another secretary. He was getting frustrated, in another times he would interrupt the other woman and flirt with you effortlessly; it probably had to do with the environment, you were surronded by co-workers, or maybe he was losing his touch - it was almost like he was too afraid to make the move.

Javi decided to leave soon after one hour there. He congratulated Feistl for his birthday, said goodbye to whoever recognized his leaving, paid his bill and passed through the door.

"Hey" he turned around at the sound of your voice, seeing you walking towards him "Are you ok?"

He ran his hand over his chin "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know" you shrugged "you kind of ran out of the bar"

"'S fine, you should go back inside" Javi pointed at the entrace with his chin.

You tilt your head to the side "I don't really believe you"

"I'm not asking you to" he crossed his arms "And, what, you wanna talk now? You've been quiet at work all week"

"We're not at work, though, are we?" you were quick to answer.

Javi looked you up and down "No, we're not"

"You know" you took a few steps forward ", it's not like they don't like you, they are just kind of scared of you"

Were you watching him too? Why would you say that? How would you notice?

He furrowed his eyebrows "Scared of me? Why?"

You looked at him with yours raised "You know how you act at work, don't you?"

Javi sighed and looked away. He did act like an asshole at work, it didn't seem to bother you, though. Your gazes met again as silence fell between the two of you and he decided to take the few steps left to get you as close as you never got before.

"Are you scared of me?"

You kept your eyes locked as you answered "No. You're not as bad as you think you are" you licked your lips "At least not with me"

The air thickend between the two of you, the only sound being the noises of a night in Colombia. There was no way you were not feeling that too, the way your bodies seemed to linger to each other's direction. He's sure he's not imagining the way your breath heaved, how your chest expansed, the brightness in your eyes.

No, that was real, he was not mistaking it.

A voice broke the tension, you taking a few steps back to a safe distant from him. You both looked in the direction of the sound: a woman was calling you, the same woman you talked all night, at the entrance of the bar, a few feet away from where the both of you stood.

"Maybe if you went back there and paid the next round..." he swore he saw expectancy in your eyes.

"Maybe another time" you nodded; you both knew it wouldn't happen.

You looked at him one last time before walking away "Good night, sir"

Javi nodded even though you weren't looking anymore and his eyes followed the sweet swing of your hips as you made your way back to the bar. He could hear the woman asking what it was about:

"Nothing" you answered.

He would disagree.

➫

Javier was in a terrible, terrible mood. Things weren't going how he thought they would go, not even close to it. Feistl got a good lead about the Rodriguez brothers, one worth following, and he could do nothing about it; had to look to his subordinate and say no to his face. In the beggining, Javi had plans on reediming himself by catching Los Pepes, making amends with the city and it's people by arresting those who he felt like helped to ascend. He felt like a failure, and by the look on Feistl face, he thought so too. To worsen everything, as if it could get any, he had a huge, massive amount of piles to go through.

He lifted his eyes from the paper for the first time in hours when you knocked at the door. He knew your shift had ended a couple of hours ago, but you decided to finish the paperwork of the day so it wouldn't affect his own work the next morning, even though you couldn't have finished it on time because of the extra work put over you. It was something he frequently saw you doing, leaving much later than the others.

"I am leaving, sir. Is there something I could do for you?"

He scratched his chin and sighed heavily "Well, if you could make this fucking paperwork disappear I would built a statue of you"

You exiled a short laugh "I'm afraid that's not possible, sir"

"No, it's not" he reclined on his chair and looked at your body on the frame for a few seconds "Have a goodnight"

You nodded and left. He stood up to get a drink right after, hearing some noises outside that must have been you grabing your stuff. You were probably the last person on the floor besides him, and soon enough he would be alone, like he had been for so many nights, working until late, only able to go home to shower and come back. It wasn't much trouble, though, it's not like he could sleep even if he had the time.

A soft knock on the door surprised him, glass and bottle on each hand.

"Sorry to bother again" you said with only your head in the room after he told you to come in "But do you want help?"

He looked at you, at the pile and then at you again "You wanna help me with that?" you nodded "Why?"

"Nothing better to do" you shruged.

He should've said no. Should've told you to go home and have some rest.

He should have, yes.

"Have a sit" he pointed to the couch with the piles of papers he's been on for the last three hours.

You closed the door behind you and something on his skin tingled. You had never been this alone.

"Want a drink?" you didn't hesitate in accepting, as if waiting for him to offer.

Javier poured you one too and handed you the glass, something you thanked him for as you took a sip and he sitted beside you. You two stayed in silence reading, the only sound being the papers as you tossed them around.

"Can I give you an unasked opinion, sir?"

He almost laughed at that "Go ahead"

"You're separating these by topics, I see" he nodded "Taking one paper at the time and seeing what they are and then doing them separetly " he nodded again "I think it would be quicker if we made piles by the specific topics you have"

"You mean..."

"I mean" suddenly you stood up from the couch and knelt on the floor. Fortunally you didn't see his eyes going wide as you took a pile in your hands and put it beside you "You have a huge office, you should put the files on display and organize them better" you looked at him while taking the other piles "You helping?"

He smirked and hushed to help you. He liked this side of you; more relaxed, kind of bossy, tongue more loose... It was a shame you only showed him when there was alcohol running through your system.

"This, if you don't mind me saying, is how I organize the piles on your desk when I bring them to you, but you seem to prefer the hardest way"

Fuck, he was getting hard.

It was nuts. Absolutly nuts. What the fuck was happening, what effect was that you had on him? You did nothing but say a few dirty words without intention. Completely. Nuts.

"I do prefer the hard way" came out of his mouth before he could control it. If you didn't notice the double meaning or chose to ignore it, he didn't know "But I never noticed, no" he sighed "Honestly, I don't even know how it got to this point"

The paperwork, somehow, did accumulate, even though all he did of his life was working.

"I understand, I can see how you get lost in work" your focus was on the papers and you didn't seem to notice how he shifted on his place on the floor, trying to hide the beggining of an erection.

With your efficiency and new way of working, one hour and a half later and almost the whole paperwork gone, you're on your third glass and him on his fourth. He's used to drinking whiskey, but it was still alcohol, and it was making his skin buzz. You had already took off your blazer - his own gone hours ago - , wearing a thin blouse with a very modest neckline; your legs were crossed, making your skirt move up a little, and he was going crazy with just the tiny amount of skin you were showing.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Go ahead" you didn't even move your eyes from the paper.

"Why didn't you go home?"

You don't talk for a few seconds and he took the opportunity to stare "There's nothing waiting for me at home"

That got him thinking about your moving there. To go from a small town in the countryside to a city like Bogotá, not knowing a soul; you had acquaintances, yes, but he saw you that day at the bar, they surely were people you liked to be with, but were not friends of yours. Javi had been there, too, actually, if he would be honest with himself, he was still in the same situation. When he moved to Medellín, he had those people he could go out with and grab a drink after work, but that was all; at least until Steve came into the picture, the person he never thought he would befriend with, the only real friend he'd had in years.

"Yeah, I kind of get that" your eyes meet "Work until late for a reason"

"I guess we both need to get a life, then" you smirked.

"Cheers to that" he raised his glass to you, you did the same until it clicked with his "So, life... How is yours going?" he tried to act nonchalant by moving his eyes on the paper in his hand "With that ex-boyfriend thing and all"

Your laugh was low "Don't do that"

"Do what?" he raised his eyes again to find yours still on him.

You tilted your head to the side "Don't go down that road when we're like this"

"Like what?" he caught the exact moment your eyes fell to his lips, so he casually wet them with his tongue. If he wasn't so absorbed by the thickness in the air, he would have laughed at the way your eyes shut and your head fell back to rest on the couch.

"Drunk and... Not thinking straight"

Javi raised his eyebrows "I like the winding thoughts I'm having, though"

"Yeah" the look you gave him made him shiver.

Without breaking eye contact, Javi belted down his drink to gain courage and slowly moved his body until you were pressed side by side, giving you time to get your space again if you wanted to.

"This fine?" his voice was barely louder than a whisper.

You nodded.

"What if I wanted to kiss you right now?" he rested one forearm on the couch to lean his face closer to yours.

You gulped as you stared into his eyes "Then I think you should do it before we-"

He didn't give you the time to finish your sentence before his lips were on yours. Your lips were soft, he could taste the whiskey on your tongue as well with the gums you would chew all day. His right hand went straight to your jawline to lead the kiss. It was not a lulled kiss, neither a gentle one, Javier was ruthless, taking out on your lips all the built up tension from the last few months. He couldn't believe it was finally happening. You were quick to follow his pace, your fingers grasping his shirt and pulling him even closer. The first moan you let out get Javi even more eagered, his hand passing down your body to grab your ass. You took advantage of his action and, before he knew, you were climbing up his lap, knees on each side of his torso, and once you were fully sitted on his lap, you both couldn't contain a moan. At that point, your skirt barely covered half your ass; because of that, he figured that you wouldn't mind his hands slowly rubbing up your tights until they reached the fabric and rolled it up your waist.

Javi parted your mouths to take a good look at you on his lap, his eyes wandered from your heavy eyelids, your lips puffy and red from the kisses, your blouse-covered chest raising and falling as fast as his until they got to the black thong you were wearing and he couldn't help but moan "Oh, fuck me"

"You like them?" your mouth came down his neck to give him wet kisses.

"How wouldn't I?" he held you by the nape of the neck and brought your mouths together again "I've wanted this for so long"

You released some kind of laughter "I know"

"Oh, do you?" he raised his brows.

"You're not exactly subtle for an agent" you murmured between kisses.

He snorts "Well, thanks for the insight"

Javi couldn't resist the urge to touch you through the tiny piece of fabric and you moaned at the pressure at your clitoris, but he moaned too at the wetness he found.

Javi didn't ask you how long you had wanted him, you were grinding on his lap at that moment and that was all that mattered. But he wished you had said it, that you had desired him as much as he had desired you, that all this time he had been imagining this moment, you were imagining it too.

"Fuck baby, you are so wet already" his tongue licked a stripe on your neck "All this for me?"

You answer was muffled by a moan; it seemed positive, but before he could confirm you were linking your mouths again in a searing kiss.

You started moving your hips on his erection and you both moaned at the pressure. Suddenly, his torso is being pushed down to the ground, chests pressed against each other, your fingers tangled his hair and pushed and he fucking whimpered.

Jesus Christ, he was in heaven and was not even inside of you yet.

You grinded furiously against him and he found it absolutly beautiful how you were using him to pleasure yourself and was not embarressed to do so. So. Fucking. Hot.

He felt like he was coming in any second.

"Fuck, you keep doing that and will have me cumming on my fucking pants, bebita"

"Oh, say it again!"

"What? That I'm within seconds to cumming?"

You moaned loudly at that "No- I mean, that too, that's hot, but- oh fuck"

"Bebita?" he felt you shiver at the pet name and chuckled "You like that, huh?"

You grabbed the nape of his neck and lowered your head to crush your lips to his again, tongues fighting heatedly. Javi started to feel that heat boiling at the bottom of his stomach, his hips grinded against yours and the pressure were just perfect; by the sounds you were making, you were as close as he was. Javi reached for you ass and grabbed it with both of his hands and squeezed, adding even more pressure to the grindness. At last, he sucked the pulse in your neck and you started to shake above him; that combined with the sweet noises that came out of you, he was gone.

You collapse on top of him, fingers unconsciously running through his hair; his members were sore and he was so tired and satisfied that he could sleep right there. The both fo you took deep breaths while your head rested on the gap of his neck and his on the floor.

"I can't remember the last time I did this" he was the first to break the silence.

"I actually do this everyday to my pillow" you mumbered humurously and he moaned.

"Shit, you're gonna be the death of me" his hand ran up and down from your ass to your backs, loving the feeling of your curves.

You raised your head to find his eyes and the moment was gone. You both realizing what you just had done, the before contentedness in him that was mirrowed in your eyes then turning into panic.

"Shit" you clumsly stood up. You put your skirt down as quickly as you could.

"It's getting late" it was already late when you came to his office "I should go" you should stay, he wanted to say.

But instead he only nodded. He knew it was for the best. He shouldn't have let it come this far.

You quickly get your stuff and wishes him a goodnight. His eyes don't leave you until you pass through the door, yours, though, don't meet him once.

He stayed there on the floor, cum staining his pants, and even though he was fully clothed, the room had never felt colder.

➫

The next day was pure craziness. After you left his office, Javi went home, took a shower and lied in bed thinking of what had just happened between the two of you and what would happen from then on until he had to come back to work. Before he could even get to his office, you intercepted him with a cup of coffee and the news of a surprise and excruciating slow meeting with the ambassador, which led to another one with the CIA and then the atrocious combination of them both together. By the time Javi was freed from hell, everybody else were already leaving; due to your situation, he thaught that would be your case too, so he was surprised to see you still on your desk.

"I was waiting to see if you would need something else from me before I left" was your answer to the question on his face.

"I think I'm heading home too, actually" after a day like that, he felt like maybe he could even get some sleep.

He had work to do, yeah, and usually it didn't matter to him if his mind wasnt in the right place - it rarely was anyways -, but he knew nothing productive would result from working in that state. Javi also wanted to talk to you; he had so many thing in his mind, what he thought about during that whole previous night: he wanted you. So bad he didn't even know how to express it, so much he let himself cum in his pants just to get the little you were wailing to give to him. And he was concerned about what your reaction to that would be, because it was obvious that you wanted him too, but your actions showed him that you didn't want to want him. All those thoughts were consuming him, but it would have to wait for another day, he didn't think that was the right time, not at work. Maybe he could invite you for drinks and talk things through or-

"I was wondering if we could talk, too" you interrupt his thoughts "About yesterday"

If Javi wasn't a trained professional, he probably would've had his mouth opened in absolut shock. It was like you read his mind.

"Of course" you both looked around the department, the couple people remaining already preparing to leave. Still, he opened his office door and nodded for you to come in.

You were flustered, nervous even. Javi didn't know what to expect from that talk, he wished you would cave in to your needs and fuck him already, but he felt like you wouldn't be easy on him. Honestly, he couldn't read you.

The both of you stood akwardly in the middle of the room, door closed behind you. He waited patiantly for you to start talking, for you to take the lead of the conversation.

"So" you sighed "I wanted to apologise"

His face contorted in a deep frown "What for? You have nothing to apologise"

"I do, yes" you shook your head "It was completely irresponsible and unprofessional and we shouldn't have done that"

If you said you were embarressed last time, about the things you had said on the bar, Javi didn't know what you could possibly be feeling at that moment: your face was getting red, your eyes wouldn't meet his, your hands squeezed each other in your front; he kind of felt bad he was the cause of your discomfort.

"You didn't do anything by yourself"

"I jumped on you like a crazy-ass-horny woman!" over your shoulder, you look outside to see if there was anyone to witness your voice raising; there wasn't.

Javi could barely contain the smirk forcing itself upon his mouth at the memory of you riding him in that very same floor, just a few steps from where you stood. He really couldn't contain the beggining of an erection, though.

"And I loved that" you looked at him as if he was crazy for saying it "I did!" he took a few steps in your direction "And honestly, if anyone should be blamed it's me, I'm the boss, aren't I? The authority in the room or some shit like that"

The way you look at him said that you agreed, that he should be blamed too, should've had more self control, but you didn't say it and that made him smile, the way you still tried to keep your composure at work.

You sighed "Still, it wasn't right and I'm sorry"

"I'm not" he took another step towards you.

"It's not the point, sir"

"I don't think you are that sorry either" your brows raised in surprise "And fucking quit calling me 'sir' now, there's just us in here" another step.

"I'm just-" you shrugged "I'm trying to be professional, that's all"

"Baby we're a little too late for that now"

"Jesus Christ" you pinched the bridge of your nose, he could feel the frustration exhaling from you "You don't like to make things easy, do you?"

"What's the fun in that?" the joke landed flat "I have a proposal"

That got your attention "I don't think I like where this is going"

"Well, that's the thing" he took one more step "I think you do. You fucking grinded on me on this floor until we both came. You want me. What are you so afraid of?"

"You're my fucking boss!" your exasperation made him want to laugh and scream out of frustration at the same time "I like this job, I want to keep it"

"I would never put your job in risk"

"You can't be sure" it was true, Javi barely had a say in anything, but he would do anything in his power for you not to lose your job, especially because of him "And even if this" you pointed between the two of you "didn't make me lose it, it would be living hell if people found out"

"I can be discreet"

You crossed your arms "You're not taking me seriously"

"I am, I promise that I am" he really was "I just- You gave me a taste of what it would look like and now I'm starving for more" he scratched his chin, a little embarressed he let that slip out "I would do anything to have you for one night, we don't have to take work to the bedroom"

"Oh" you snorted "there's a bedroom in the scene now?"

"What?" he raised his brows "You thought I was fucking you in my office?" you went silent "You fucking did"

Javi is no romantic man, he thought about fucking you in every place possible, in the bathroom there, against the nearest wall, but when truly thinking about taking you, it would always be in a bedroom, somewhere you both would be able to take your time.

"Do you fantasize about it?" a step closer "Do you touch yourself thinking about me?" your eyes wouldn't meet his, so he carefully took your chin and angled your head until they did "Where?"

You gulped "Where what?"

"Where did you imagine?" his voice was barely above a whisper.

"Your desk"

"Fucking dirty woman" he smirked "I'm gonna fuck you on my desk, bebita" he took you by the waist, colliding your body to his "And on my couch" his nose traveled from your cheek to your neck "On the fucking window so eveyone can see how pretty you will look with my cock deep inside of you"

"Shit" your voice broke, breathless.

"Do you want it? Huh? To be full of my cock?" you nodded "I want words"

"Yes" you puffed.

"Yes what?"

You looked at him with a defiant look "Yes, sir"

He had to laugh "You are the worst"

His lips collided with yours with so much fierceness he was surprised they didn't start bleeding. His hands were all over your body, your breasts, your back, your ass. You pulled his hair with both hands and he moaned. Javi wanted you so bad it hurt. He decided to be bold and lifted you skirt to your waist, then placed you sitted on the edge of his desk, each of your legs on each side of his hips, pushing everything that was on your way to the floor, paying no attention to anything that wasn't you.

"I hate how you kiss me" you mumbled frustrated between kisses and he pinched his brows.

"You have a very distinct way to hate things"

"You just do it so well" your hands covered his cheeks "Makes me want to do this everyday"

Javi couldn't help but to smirk "I don't see why we can't"

"Yes, you do"

"All I see is a gorgeous woman with tasteful lips" he reached your covered mound and passed a finger through your folds, making you moan loudly ", wet lips" he smirked "telling me she wants to kiss me foverer"

You snorted "I didn't say that"

"That's what I heard"

"You are so cocky" you rolled your eyes.

"Damn right I am" Javi pressed his erection to your thigh.

"Yeah, I felt it yesterday" your hands went to unbuckle his belt, quickly reaching for his cock through his underwear and pumping him a couple of times "You're big, sir"

Javi moaned and threw his head back, enjoying the feeling, barely believing it was finally happening. You put down every piece of cloth in your way to his thighs, put your own panties to the side and started to guide him to your entrance.

"You think is gonna be that easy?" he murmured in your ear, dodging his dick to press on your clit instead, making you moan at the contact, but also groan out of frustration.

"After all this time, it should be"

"You know what I want to hear, baby" he peppered kisses on your neck while still grinding his dick from your clit to your entrance, you were so wet he knew you would have no difficulty to take him.

"Put this thing inside of me, already" you tried to move your hips to get more friction, frustration consuming you.

Even though Javi had a purpose of you to stop calling him 'sir', he could barely hold himself from sliping inside of you, so that's what he did. Your moan as he slowly made space for him inside of you will forever be in his mind. Javi cursed under his breath as your walls squeezed him and he had to take a moment to absorb the feeling. So warm, so wet, so tight, he was in heaven. But you were impatiant.

"Please, move"

"Say my name and I will"

"Why are you so attached to this?" you pinched your brows.

He did the same "Why are you so against saying it?"

You licked a stripe on his neck "To piss you off"

"That's okay" he smirked "You don't have to say it, I'm gonna make you scream it" he held your legs and roughly pushed inside expecting to hit your special place; by the way you gasped and grabbed him, he got it just right "Found it"

Javi ran his nose through your neck and your skin bristled "You're so sensitive here, aren't you, bebita?"

"I'm starting to think that you make me sensitive everywhere"

He laughed and stopped his movements again "Now that's a confession"

"What can I say?" you huffed "It seems like you make my mind go blank when you have your huge dick inside of me and won't. fucking. move"

He laughed and started to slowly take it out just to push it in again at the same speed.

"You're gonna fucking kill me" you whined "Please, faster"

"Are you needy, baby?" he licked your neck "I can feel you squeeze me. You're desperate for my cock, huh?"

"Yes"

"Yes, what?

"Yes, sir"

He increased the speed and you moaned louder "Unbelievable" his hips were reletless and he felt you getting tighter and tighter "You're almost there, aren't you, baby?" you couldn't speak, mouth half opened and nails digging into the skin of his arm "You like it rough, don't you?"

Then he stopped.

"What the fuck?" your voice is hoarsed.

"I'm fucking you slow, baby, is that a crime?" his smile was smudge

"You're evil" you whined, hips moving to find relief.

"I am evil? Who are you to talk about evil? You're fucking teasing me here, bebita. That's so wrong" he started to move slowly again "Just say my name and I'll let you cum"

You nodded your head no.

"Say it"

"No"

"Fucking say. It." he changed the angle to repeatedly hit that spot inside of you and pulled your hair until your back arched.

"Oh my God, Javi!" you screamed as you came hard on his dick, eyes closed tight, mouth opened and body tremblimg.

His name coming out of your mouth was like music to Javi's ears, and hearing it for the first time fomented something insane inside of him. He licked his thumb and pressed it hard against your clit, your eyes widened in surprise and he got a strangled sound out of your mouth as you came again, your body violently shaking under his hands.

"Oh shit, that's it, baby. You're fucking milking me. Shit, shit, shit."

His name was now floating through your lips like a hymn, and he loved to hear it.

"I'm gonna cum"

His words seemed to wake you from your trance "On my mouth"

"Shit" he steped away and out of you and one second later you were on the floor, knelt before him. You grabbed his dick with one hand, put the tip in your mouth and that's all it took for him to cum the hardest he had in his life. You sucked it, greedy until he had nothing more to give you "Let me see it, baby" he asked with a hoarsed voice, asking you to open your mouth, showing that you had swalloed it all "Fucking dirty woman"

You smirked and rested your forehead on his thigh, exausted.

"Come 'ere" he took your hand on his and got you to your feet, holding you against him by your waist "Can you walk?"

"I think I can learn how to do it again, yeah" he chuckled.

Javi lowered your skirt before sitting you on his desk again "How are you getting home?" he asked quietly as he slowly buttoned up your blouse, trying not to startle you and have you running away again.

"I'm taking a cab" you more gently than not stopped his fingers to continue the work yourself.

"Let me take you home" he fished your panties from the floor and put it in his pocked as he wore his pants again

"You don't have to"

"I know I don't. But I'm kind of worried if you will be capable to support yourself for enough time to call a cab after I fucked you this good"

You released the louder chuckle he had ever heard you give as you stood up "You're the absolute worst, Javier."

He started to get hard to the sound of his name on your lips.

"See? Perfectly stable" one of your eyebrows was raised and all he wanted to do was to kiss your attitude away.

"I guess I'll have to fuck you harder next time, then"

"I guess"

You both went quiet as you made your way out of the building and to his car, you only speaking to give him instructions to get to your place.

"There will be a next time, right?" he spoke as you left the car.

How silly of him to think that fucking you once would be enough, would make all the consuming desire go away, if something, it only made him want you more.

You took your time to look at him, as if staring directly to his soul and gave him a small smile.

"Good night, Javi"

[dronebiscuitbat]

Oil is Thicker Then Blood (Part 95)

The addition of a second, third and forth pod meant that the frame of the escape shuttle was finally beginning to take place, aluminum and titanium wrapped around in a welded cylinder and thrusters mounted at the back to push it out of Copper-9s atmosphere.

It was mounted on steel scaffolding, facing the sky in all it's patchworked glory as worker drones dotted around it welding peices together and double- triple checking that everything was done to the best of their ability.

There could be no test flights or second chances- this had to work first time.

Along with the framework of the shuttle came month 5 of Uzi's pregnancy, along with N's birthday.

Which was today.

N was now officially twenty years old- an adult by everyone's standards and solidly out of the ‘almost adult’ limbo he'd been stuck in a couple years.

N fought vehemently against any sort of party for his big day, preferring that focus remained on the construction effort, he could celebrate when they were in space… safe.

That… may have had something to do with how possessive he'd been over Uzi lately… he couldn't bare to patrol too far from her, his sweeps getting into tighter and tighter circles.

He'd felt territorial around her since… well, since she'd gotten pregnant. But now it felt like all his sensors were dialed up to eleven at all times, alert to every little sound, movement, change in the air.

Like his entire body was in constant anticipation, waiting for… something.

Knowing J was still out there wasn't helping, every nerve in his body alight as he paced on all fours on the roof of the building that inhabited their nest- which they had both been spending much, much more time in since the baby started moving.

He wasn't the only one exhibiting this pacing, expecting behavior either, Uzi was doing much of the same, though slightly differently- in the form of collecting everything even remotely warm and soft and piling it in the nest and then obsessively rearranging the inside over and over again.

She was still working on the ship, sure. Her blueprints were the ones being used for it's construction, she was in the workshop every single day to either plan the next expedition for another pod, or to work on welding the frame together herself. But the second the work was done it's like they were both taken over by the urge to just… pace.

V was also struggling to contain her baser instincts, though in a different way- she was bringing food up into the nest, most of the time a scavenged limb or head (that did always end up eaten or drunk in it's entirety after everyone else was asleep) and fighting back the desire to pull Uzi into a session of grooming and preening that they would both find embarrassing.

Thad and Lizzy were less affected- Though both took up the habit of escorting Uzi everywhere she went like a pair of especially loyal gaurd dogs. Though now they were sleeping in the nest less and less, N was starting to urge them to sleep at home instead, keeping the nest occupied by three the majority of the time.

Which, finally, brought us to this very moment- V out on patrol/hunting for spare parts while Uzi took a break from adjusting every aspect of the nest to try and get her kit to play.

The incident at the playdate had Tera quiet, silently playing with her bat plushie, only chirping softly every so often instead of the rapid fire happy trilling Uzi was used to.

Considering it had been over a week since- Uzi was starting to get worried.

So she picked Tera up by the scruff of her onesie with her teeth and sat her in her lap, where the toddler just continued quietly playing, head angled to where her mother couldn't see her face.

“Tera.” Uzi called softly, and the solver kitten stopped, shoulders scrunched and bat held close to her chest as she still refused to look directly at her.

Uzi sighed.

“It was an accident baby bat, Daddy and I know you didn't mean to.” at this, Tera finally looked up, wriggling to get into her mother's arm.

“Sad.” Tera mumbled adding distressed warbles along with it, eyeslights knitted in an expression of contemplation that a toddler of her age simply shouldn't be capable of.

“He wa’scared-” She kept going, working the more complex words out of her mouth tentatively, struggling, but not as much as before. “-Of me.”

Uzi felt her core squeeze uncomfortably, threatening to unleash misdirected anger on a toddler she'd only met once.

“Why?” Tera asked, making Uzi blink, for starters, Tera was less then a year old and already asking introspective questions- something that she absolutely should not have the processing power for yet. But;

She really didn't like the direction the conversations was going.

“Oh… Jellybean.” Uzi lent down to hug her daughter, squeezing her tight before pulling away and putting a hand on the toddlers tiny head.

“We're… different from the other workers. We all are, Mommy, Daddy, Auntie V. We have different needs, and sometimes-” She took a deep breath, steadying herself. “-sometimes people won't understand that.”

Tera took a moment to think about it, a loading circle appearing on her visor before she looked back up.

“That's mean.” She said, a very familiar glare written all over her face.

“Yeah. Some people will be, that's how people are. But there will be ones who will put in the effort to understand you. If you let them.” Uzi smiled reassuringly, her tail coming free to rest beside Tera as extra comfort.

Tera's attention went over to it, the tail cocking it's head as Tera cocked her own, she put both hands on it, thinking hard.

She nodded slowly. “Otay.”

“You wanna play with my tail…?” Uzi asked gently, snapping her tail playfully at her daughter; making her squeal in delight.

“Yah!”

Uzi grinned as her kit seemed to slowly regain her usual energy, biting and nipping and pouncing on the semi-indepentant head of her tail, trilling happily; her core whirred in delight.

Thump.

And here came the birthday boy.

N pulled back the sheet covering the entrance and crawled inside, stretching like a cat before flopping near Uzi lazily, grumbling.

“Find anything?” She asked, reaching down to tangle her fingers in his tousled hair, his tail wagged happily and his core began to rumble with the sounds of his contentment.

“No. Just more flesh.” He mumbled, lifting his head up slightly.

“How close?”

He paused for a moment.

“Too close, it's uh- it's moving faster then we predicted. I think the more there is, the faster it spreads.”

Uzi sighed.

“We have less time then we thought then… we still need a couple more thrusters, fuel… we're not even close to done.”

“I know.” N replied.

A tense silence filled the nest.

“I'll tell dad tomorrow… the sun's almost up.”

“What's the plan then…?” N almost smiled, admiring the way she did always seem to have a plan.

“We're just going to have to work on crunch time. I'll start working on the guts of the ship this week, we still need a way to recharge while in space.”

“We also need a place to go…we can't just wander aimlessly.”

“I know. I've been looking at old files from the bunker, there's an old satellite hub that might give us a idea of where to go.”

The air got more tense, heavy as lead and just as toxic for their health.

“Let's… try not to think about it.” Uzi said after a moment of feeling the dread creep up her back.

“I think that's what we're all doing…” N replied softly, tail hanging low.

“Happy Birthday.” Uzi near whispered, placing a kiss in his head that made his tail wiggle all over the place.

“Mm. Kinda not the best time to celebrate huh?” He admits, sitting up curl into her shoulder.

“Well…”

“We could always celebrate privately.” N's visor flushed, his tail kinked up straight before coming to curl around his mate, a playful chuckle leaving his mouth.

“Oh?” He hummed. Watching his kit wear herself out playing with Uzi's tail.

“Once she gets tired we can…” She whispered something in his audial that made him blush harder, but then he laughed before whispering something else into hers, which made her blush a shade of impressive violet, in response, he nibbled up her neck and a giggle bubbled out of her throat.

When he pulled back, they nuzzled each other's faces, sparks fluttering between them as he whispered the the words “I love you.”

“I love you too.” She replied, connecting them in a slow, passionate kiss that N ended up sighing into, stress evaporating off him like it was never there.

Next ->

[neutralcha0tic]

kim jules - 060696- haute pink's main dancer

profile - career - plots

ahaha aye its ya girl, skinny p- its nana! bringing you haute pink's situational explosive girlie, you can really tell when midas music is pushing her too much. but hey, pressure creates diamond right?

kum jules, gemini, vancouver born, seoul raised, only child mother is a sports reporter, father is a football player main dancer and whatever lines midas music gives her third to solo debut, one or two viral moments a year

If youd liked to plot, hit that heart or slide in my dms x

tldr;

was pretty big on sports when she was younger, still is but not as much. blames her dad for always playing whatever sport she wanted, but never good enough to go pro.

she never really knew what she wanted to be when she grew up, but once she moved to seoul at the age of nine she met another girl that pretty much insipred her to become an idol.

took a lot of dance lessons because that was the easiest to get her hands on and her parents were extremly supportive of her. jules finally had something she was genuenly interested so her parents did whatever they could to get her to become a trainee.

she focused mainly on ballroom and hiphop, but started branching out as she got more comfortable.

so she worked hard and failed a lot. took her six years to get signed and thena nother seven to debut. extremely hard worker really, she was a ball of sunshine during trainee days despite being stuck in the basement of midas music for years.

things do change.. during the debut documentary, she became a bit too compeditive and not in a healthy way. more so because she trained for so long she knew she had to get a grip and get in the final line up. really she was scared she would fail and maybe actually make it time to retire the idol dream.

so that caught people's attention, that she would speak up and say stuff that sometimes was out of pocket and maybe rude, but hey... the enviroment wasn't the best ya feel. she doesn't really speak about the documentary unless forced to nowadays.

anyway, she has mellowed out infront of cameras and even behind the scenes, no more bark and bite, however she reverts to old habits when put under pressure by midas music or some tension has build up in haute pink.

she is very easy to forget, but not forgive and move on, to the point where its probably infuriating to others, but she doesn't care. she doesn't really... emotionally invest herself in a lot of things, because she is scared it will ruin thing in the long run. so with the pinks, she really just forgets bad situations have happened for the sake of working together better.

she went to therapy at one point because she just started shutting down during some days and going on autopilot and realized, that was bad. so therapy helped and she has been a lot better. some fans have noticed a different kind of spark to her.

she started vaping around that time as well, and maybe the nicotine helped but she doesn't do it often. again, if stress gets to her, old habits resurface.

the recent hate trains after her solo debut haven't helped either. to an extend she wants another solo out of spite, but she isn't sure. however, because of all the solo activities and promotions, jules has managed to show that she has really changed and matured since the early days of debut - especially her fans.

however, those closer to her can notice a change in attitude and shift in perspective with the approach of the contract renewal.

facts!

she has three cats, all rescues.

she donates regularly to animal shelters, because she thinks its a good thing to do.

cooks. a lot. loves cooking and baking, please let her cook and bake for you.

still loves playing sports but hits the gym more often than she gets to play sports.

she bboys a bit, used to a lot more in her early debut days; posts a lot of dance videos on her instagram. can be seen covering a lot of boygroup choreographies during instagram and v-lives.

she is addicted with caffeine, which probably makes sense she has all the energy in the world on stage and to work out a lot.

chronically online and knows all the memes and gossip. not the best for her mental health somedays, but she will quote vines or tt's regularly.

always down to dance, you can call her up middle of the night if she is awake she will be there.

favourite vape flavour is mint, idk feels appropriate.

only wears male perfumes, just likes them more.

will often be seen wearing gifts fan gave her - hats, keychains, jewlery, clothes, you name it.

doesn't have any huge insecurities tbh, she used to feel like she wasn't really well fitting for haute pink at the start, but therpay helped get that mindset completely out of her system.

she will always have time for her juniors, especially if they need any support.

never listens to haute pink's discography unless its work related.

she lovessss cute stuff, like, pop mart stuff?? girlie is obsessed!! anything kuromi, she has a whole wall probably deddicated to just that character.

plots! you can find more here

that childhood bestie that inspired her to become an idol would be cute qwq

dance, gym and sports buddies! she is very active and actually has a lot of energy to burn so she is always down for something!

someone she can spoil with cooking and baking, she would love you for it and you would love her back

someone who still thinks she is a bitch due to how she acted in the debut documentary

crush. she;s your crush, you are her crush. its a crush, how bad can it be

smoking budy? she doesn't really smoke, she vapes but she knows if she sees you and asks for a cig, you got her

juniors!! all the juniors, she loves you all to bits she will fight fo you even if she cant fight in haute pink

a junior that looks up to her, how? no clue we can figure it out

someone who wasn't a fan of her until they saw her solo debut

someone to see her for the true golden retreiver she is meant to be but cant due to stress and midas music being in her business constantly

someone who thinks she is the reason why there is always rumours of tension within huate pink. you just don't like her, thats fair

i want a dancer, like a dancer dancer she looks up to and searches for whenever she needs inspiration to dance and challenge herself. preferably male, but can work with female as well!

that one time there was a dating rumour with your muse but nothing came out of it? was it a rumour? did your muse and jules find it funny or did it ruin their friendship/relationship?

someone that wants to collab with her, and she wantsto collab with you as well.. alas midas music isn't exactly thrilled.

also you know what?? it's valentines weekend when i get accepted!! TAKE MY GIRL ON A DATE!!!

have some songs i want plots based on

gorgeous gorgeous girls - lilyisthatyou

anxiety - lilyisthatyou

sorry - halsey

ego - halsey

deit pepsy - addison rae

i should have stayed at home - ryan mack

last night - lucy spraggan

teen idle - marina

she's all i wanna be - tate mcrae (underrated banger imo)

fan behavior - isaax dunbar

ex i never had - lany

be nice to me - the front bottoms

my ex's best friend - mgk, blackbear

[ewebie]

2024: An Author's Review

I've gotten in the habit (over the past 10+ years) of posting an author's review of what I've done on AO3. Since I started my Patreon, I've been posting it here and sharing across Tumblr and Twitter (cough I mean X? cough). I've since stopped posting on X/twitter and moved on to Bluesky (though I'm not as active there yet) and I've created a collection here on Patreon for all the reviews I've made over here. I think it's good to take stock, be honest about what was possible and look and what I want for the next year. So here it is:

2024... This year was... a lot. Decisions were made. And yes, they were, at times, Bold. Unfortunately, some of those decisions made it far more difficult to keep up with my writing plans. And in case anyone is wondering, 3 trans-atlantic moves within 2 years is... not really advisable.

Back in 2022, Hubs and I made a temporary (planned for one year) move across the Atlantic in 2022 and went back to Ireland in July 2023. The return to Ireland was rough for many reasons, but the decision to leave the country which I had called home for 17 years was not an easy one and solidified at the end of 2023/beginning of 2024. I was working clinically for a high acuity, retrieval service the early part of 2024 up until our move in April (this time permanently back to the US). It was both easier and harder to move this time. And some of the necessary things relocating (as a long-time ex-Pat) were stupidly challenging (see: buying a car when you haven't shared a US address with your husband...). Additionally, we had a LOT of travel within the US once we arrived back. The first full month I spent in our new home without leaving the state was October. (and we all know what the holiday season can be like)

I did get to 221B Con! And I met a few fandom friends in person that I wouldn't have otherwise met. Also, I got a dog! And she is the literal sweetest.

So I'm a dog mom now, part-time worker, full time American. And while I was on a roll for a bit with the writing, relocating really knocked me off my game. So without further adieu...

Summary of writing in 2024:

I put a great deal of effort into expanding the Safety First/KKBB Universe in the Safety First (Alphabet Soup) Series.

M is for Menage and N is for Nemesis came out in January

O is for Oversight and P is for Portent came out in February

Q is for Quality Assurance was posted in March

R is for Reddit went up in April

(then there was a lull... because... life is hard)

S is for Sedition came out in July

T is for Temptation came out in August

I have been working on finishing out the alphabet, with U and V nearly ready to post and a plan for W, X, Y, and Z

In March, I managed a sweet little sickfic in the When You're Fast Asleep series with A Spoonful of Sugar.

I'm not sure I'd call 2024 a banner year for writing. But there was a lot of behind the scenes writing and life stuff going on. Overall, I published shy of 27k words (which is... way less than I'm used to, but I did write about 50k words. It's just not all published yet) with 8k hits and I now have 390 user subscriptions and 7100 bookmarks. I've spent the year only writing Mystrade -- though, I've been bouncing between soft and sweet AUs and Assassins AUs.

Plan for 2025: Keep myself sane. Try to relearn how to be an American? I have the last few chapters for Safety First in the works... there's something so very compelling about the murder husbands and they are gearing up to go out with a bang. I have 2 WIPs that are very nearly done and I just need to push through the last... 2k or so. So I hope to be putting those up in 2025. Be on the look out for The Marshmallow Experiment and Ambien Wife (though, those are both working titles). There’s a few bigger projects that I’ve back-burnered or have been plodding along with, including "the wedding date one" and "the Pretty Woman one" and some complex, multichapter things. Trello has been excellent at keeping my bunnies sorted and in some sort of order.

Working titles of a few:

The Devil You Know

Lesser Things

Used Books

Wrecking Ball

The Time Has Come

Attack the Cheese Block

Of Legwork and Dogs Bodies

Make Yourself

Bad Santa

I hope to keep adding to Safety First (even if I finish out the alphabet) and Badges and 'Brellas (I didn't manage any in B&B in 2024... I want to get back into some Mystrade Mondays for that). I'm not going to aim for monthly new works, but Paia is back with Mystrade Is... this May. I am also trying my hand at the new features here on Patreon. I've started some collections, and if you have any suggestions for organization, I'm happy to hear them!

Many thanks to everyone who has beta'd works for me through the year (this year was mostly Mousie -- because she is just as thrilled with Safety First as I am). Thank you to the Valley of Regret (aka the Asylum, nee Jail) - you're all gremlins and I-A-Door-You! Thank you to the MRC for being just... whatever it is you are. And the OGC - because intercontinental chat groups are their own, special nonsense!

I want to thank my patrons on here (thank you for thanking me for existing!). Everyone that has left kudos and comments and reblogs and likes. Anyone who has dropped me a message or a thought and has generally enjoyed or encouraged my writing this past year. And those of you who followed Hayloft posting and commented along the way -- amazingly supportive! ILY all!!

[hcneybone]

𝐝𝐮𝐠𝐚𝐧 "𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐞" 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐞

B A S I C S –

Name: Dugan Beake Nicknames: Duckie (most commonly known as). Birthday: May 1, 1991. Pronouns: He/him. Gender/Sex: Cisgender/male. Sexuality: Bisexual. Occupation: Part-time farm worker at High Tide, Weekend Co-Host at 99.3 The Wild

P E R S O N A L I T Y —

+ Resourceful, well-read, faithful. - Passive, cowardly, boring. While Duckie comes alive on the radio or late at night in his friends' basements, he can, more often than not, be mistaken for an armchair or a fleck of dust with just how un-outstanding he is. He's quiet and keeps to himself and prefers to avoid attention where he can, though when it comes to his successes and achievements he'll always accept compliments with a genuine smile and gratitude. Since the Departure he's taken to a life of servitude toward nature, and seems to be sniffing out the Cult of Pan, though he'd never admit to such.

A R R I V A L — ( FEBRUARY 2023 )

Originally from Texas, Duckie moved about eight months before the Departure to live with his girlfriend at the time and open a local board game shop. He still lives in the big house he bought with her, despite her disappearance, though he does rent it out with two other people now. The board game shop suffered from the Departure in an unrecoverable way; the sign where it used to be still hangs on the boarded up shop window.

E X T R A B I T S —

– Has been dumped by every girl he's been with. He has a habit of getting very complacent in his relationships and pulling away emotionally but struggles to be the one to end things first; he'd rather become a lame, silent boyfriend and get dumped than be the one to admit that things are over himself. It's a miracle his last girlfriend didn't dump him, but if she hadn't been evaporated by the Departure, she probably would've eventually. – In general, very bad at sports, but he played volleyball through high school and still enjoys a good beach game if there's one going. He also played pickleball with his family. – Has a very large LEGO collection displayed neatly in his office space and around his room. He enjoys any sort of miniature building work, and has started buying the super intricate kits wherever he can, which gets harder and harder since shipping still isn't where it used to be. – He is very nature centered/focused, and post-Departure he's really leaned into that. He spends a large portion of his day outside, even when not at work, and one of his favorite activities is getting stoned and reading a National Geographic. – Started as an intern at the radio station and sort of hated it since he didn't get to do anything creatively. When the Departure took much of the station's staff, Duckie took it upon himself to secure a weekend spot, and he likes it a whole lot better now.

C O N N E C T I O N S —

seeking: - two roommates to split his rent with - his brother, goose - friends he started to make in the first few months he was in town - any patrons who might've visited his cafe, Well Played, before it was closed

B A C K G R O U N D —

tw: parental drug use, death of an estranged parent, foursome mention? lol - duckie's parents were never cut out to be parents no matter how deeply they loved their son. and they did love him, as much as they could, until their love of partying (and, namely: heroin) overtook their lives. margaret beake, knowing she'd never be the mother her son deserved, evevntually relinquished custody to her sister when dugan was only four years old. - jacob and aimee beake took in duckie like their own. aimee had just given birth to her own son, gregory, who they nicknamed goose because the whole family thinks they're soooo funny. - duckie and goose grew up like real brothers, not knowing they weren't until late in middle school when jacob and aimee, spurred by a school project about genealogy, eventually sat down with duckie and explained everything. he was understandably hurt, and the information had a heavy impact on the relationship between him and who he knew as parents. fortunately, their relationship recovered with time, and duckie came to peace with everything. - at the end of high school, margaret beake passed away, and the chance to know his birthright mother disappeared. it was a weird phase of grief - one that he still hasn't figured out how to process, though he's stopped trying to. his father is still out there somewhere, either unable or unwilling to reach out. - duckie and goose are best friends. obviously they've gone through their fair share of shit and arguments, but time has only strengthened their bond. although technically cousins, they'll always be as close as real brothers. - college was eye-opening in a lot of ways for duckie. he discovered his bisexuality in a big splash: a night of d&d ended in a raunchy foursome that left him desperate to explore even more - duckie's only goal since high school has been to open a place that would harbor safe hang-out spots for nerds and freaks and losers. for years after college he spent his time making miniatures to sell and had a small successful business with that, but he wanted a true storefront: a true safe space. so he began collecting, and scouting, and crafting up a plan. when his long-term girlfriend pitched moving from texas to california for her job, duckie sought out a spot in redford to open his own business, and then they traveled west to start their american dream. - unfortunately, shortly after moving to town, the Departure took everything. his girlfriend popped into nothingness and his shop got smacked in the initial riots and following closures. - duckie hasn't heard from goose since the event. he's sure that he wasn't raptured, as their mother swears he visited after the event, but he's fallen off the face of the earth otherwise. he's asked his mother to move to redford and be safe with him there, but she's stubborn as ever and refuses to leave her home in case her husband un-departures and pops back into existence.

[roseofhybrids]

For a long time (aka before the Doll incident) Human Uzi was belived to be by most of the worker drones an Human Replica Droid, an extremely advanced and expensive type of droid made to act as secretaries, personal assistants and butlers (amongst other things) that are almost indistinguishable from regular humans (to the point that they need to consume food in order to assimilate the necessary substances needed to maintain their artificial tissues and can age, albeit in a slower way than humans) excluding the fact that they’re stronger and more durable than an human.

Even if it wouldn’t make sense for such an advanced type of droid to be used on a mining colony, Nori’s subtle use of her AS powers led everyone to believe that.

(The Human Replica Droid thing is inspired by the Realians from Xenosaga, androids so advanced that they’re basically closer to an human than a robot)

Would be good to decide on all the tells that someone could use to differentiate between a human and android in this. Mainly to explain how the disassembly drones can tell she's a human so quickly.

For the initial encounter with N to work, there has to be a way for him to realize she's human mid-battle. After all, the planet isn't all that habitable so if there's a possibility of her instead being a drone that just looks like a human, it could make sense for them to assume she's a drone. After all, that'd be the easiest way to explain how she's still alive. (It feels in character for N to want to jump to the conclusion that she's a human, but V and J not so much.) And if they do assume she's an android, they have a reason to kill her, since their mission was to destroy all rogue AI on the planet.

Unless, of course, they have a method for them to find out for sure, that's easy enough for them to bother doing. (specifically, something easy enough that J would bother doing instead of just brushing off what N says.) It could also be that the differences are just that obvious, and that Nori's covering all of it with the solver.

But something else to keep in mind is that the solver can't affect other solver drones. Meaning, Yeva and Doll (and Doll-papa if you subscribe to the theory that he's also infected) wouldn't be effected by Nori's solver cover up. Now, since Doll's a second generation worker. It could be argued that, since she's never seen a human or more human-like android in person, she just believes Uzi's a drone because that's what the adults all say. Yeva, though, should be able to tell. Perhaps she keeps quiet for Nori's sake, maybe she just doesn't care, or Nori threatened her. Dealer's choice.

Then we also have the implications of Nori using the Absolute Solver in this way. The way she's using it here suggests she's using the solver to influence the other drone's mentally into believing Uzi's a drone and ignoring anything that doesn't line up with this. (Should be easy enough, workers aren't exactly the brightest creatures.) Which raises the question of, what else is she willing to use this power to do? She's already pretty, let's say "morally gray" in this what with trying to kill her daughter's friends, killing Yeva, locking Doll up, probably blowing up the core in the first place, et cetera. So, if she had the need to, would she be willing to fully take control of another drone's mind, or does she draw the line at using her mental manipulation for the cover-up? She's doing this to protect her daughter, after all, so would she really stop it at that; especially if Uzi were to find herself in danger?

[eccentricallygothic]

|| Bliss ||

Description: What happens when a spoiled and disgraced Princess is handed off to an ex-Winter Soldier as a strategy for the royal family to be rid of her and ensure the Soldier's loyalty to them at the same time?

Pairing: Dark Ex-Winter Soldier!Bucky Barnes | Brat Princess!Reader.

Disclaimer: I (unfortunately) do not own Bucky Barnes or the Winter Soldier arc. This story contains dark and mature content so browse at your own discretion, please. Minors do not interact.

Warning(s): Dub-con, Dark!Bucky, arranged marriage, Brat!Reader, Brat Tamer!Bucky, stockholm syndrome, house wife kink, breeding kink, p-in-v sex, doggy style, degradation, power imbalance, spanking, hair pulling, slight nipple play.

Note: Thank you so much for the love that you all gave this story. Feedback that isn't straight up hate is always much appreciated 🩷

STORY MASTERLIST 

V

James entered the cottage that he'd built for his wife -then just a desire- and himself away from the hassles of the city centre and all his workers in the Estate that the King had gifted him. His pride would never have allowed him to live with her in a house that wasn't truly his.

Theirs. 

She might have been a Princess in her previous life but now she was his wife above anything. And so she was to obey all his decisions and take whatever he allowed her with gratitude. 

Besides, he loved to watch the once proud and oh-so-fancy little former Princess of his struggle with basic daily life tasks and chores around their cottage since he was the bread runner and took care of the outdoor activities. Punishing her each time she messed up because he deserved better than a clumsy little careless wife who couldn't even properly care for her husband who worked so hard was the fun side of it. 

She was his little outlet to take his frustrations out on. 

"OhmyGod, hubby, you scared me!" Y/n almost shrieked when he suddenly wrapped his arms around her from behind, using the name he demanded she call him by. One that she initially had been reluctant to use. But now, after much training it effortlessly rolled off her tongue by habit. Her pretty eyes that James loved to stare into while fucking the daylights out of his wife were carefully fixed on the recipe book as she finalized dinner, whining and trying to wiggle away when he pressed his hard cock between her ass cheeks. 

He had been in a mood since this morning. 

"How many times have I told you that you don't have to worry about anyone sneaking up on you so long as you're under my wing, sweets?" James pressed soft kisses up her shoulder and into the junction of her neck, making her jump up from the scratch of his short stubble that created a ticklish effect. "I am the only one who can truly protect you and I always will." 

"Jaaaaames~!" Y/n pouted and whined when the kisses that followed his words turned more demanding, teeth nibbling at the marked skin of her neck. "Pleeeease! I cannot concentrate this way! I will mess it uuuuup!" She struggled to make sense of the final lines of the recipe. 

"Tsk, you've one job. And you can't even do that properly, Mrs. Barnes?" His hands desperately groped and grabbed everywhere they could under her dress. "Now don't go off misbehaving like a bad wife, you know very well what happens to them." James warned in a darker tone, pushing the upper half of her body over the counter. "Just be a good girl and perform your wifely duties honestly like I do my husbandly ones." 

"But oh my God, hubby~" the Princess whined and scrunched her nose up, trying to move away from his sweaty and dusty body that contained a whole day's worth of field filth. "You stink!" The man only snickered in response to her grimace. "You need a shower!"

"What use do I have for a shower when I've a pristine little wife that I can just wipe myself clean with?" Y/n whined again at his words. She had always insulted him about how he smelt of blood and dirt, so now he made it a point of rubbing it all on her clean little Princess body every time he got home from work. 

"Don't be meeeean~" she pouted, feeling him push her dress up to her waist. The warmth that James had familiarized her with started to form and settle between her hips. "I do not fancy smelling like military outposts and training grounds!" Her protests were adorable to him for he did not pay them much heed, taking them as an invitation to go even further. 

"Too bad you still have to bend over and gratefully take everything your husband gives you" his eyes fluttered close as he inhaled her scent. She smelled so good. A refreshing change from the harshness of the field at the end of the day. An escape. A paradise. "Don't you like smelling like your husband, hm?"

The girl gulped at his tone and bit her lip, voice mum. "I- I do…"

"Good girl."

Mrs. Barnes gasped as she gripped the edges of the kitchen counter for support as her needy husband aligned himself against her entrance with ease since she wasn't allowed to wear her undergarments inside the house. On some occasions such as days when James was extra stressed about work the girl wouldn't even be allowed her housewife dresses, an apron the only exception inside the kitchen for safety purposes.

"Hubby~" Y/n gasped out a moan when he pushed in, biting her lips as her body tried to collapse on the counter. Were it not for the warning slap that dropped on one of her ass cheeks, she would have. 

"Get to work, it's been a long day. Dinner will be on time," pulling her head back by her hair, the man pressed his lips against her ears, "or else." 

"Y- Yes, hubby" her head was only released when she managed to whimpered out a response, hurriedly going back to resume her work of stirring and adding the final ingredients while her body rocked back and forth from the powerful thrusts. Mr. Barnes bit his lip as he slapped her ass that he loved so much again and again with each thrust. "Oh, Hubby, oh!" The girl cried out when she almost added salt to the already finalized gravy by accident, trying to finish her work but her husband was fucking her just so good. A true master at hitting all the right spots, he was squeezing her tits that were flying back and forth so good, the occasional spanks and praises igniting her whole body up.

As great as it all was, it also caused her head to get foggy and thoughts to scramble. Which was making the task at hand near impossible to complete. 

James smirked as he watched her hang and freeze under him. "Oh dear, have I fucked you dumb already, huh?" His words made her choke his cock tighter between her walls.

He loved to watch her struggle. Even better when she was also afraid. 

"You're such a dirty slut, Mrs. Barnes" the man was near and so was his wife, he could tell by how she was clenching around him. "For how mighty you used to act, you sure love being put in your humiliating little place, huh?" Flicking one of her nipples, he bit a hickey and caused her back to arch as she loudly moaned. "Huh?" It was a question.

"I do, I do, I do!" The Princess sobbed with pleasure. "Please, please, hubby! Please, needa cum!" It was another horror if she did so without his permission. 

"Do you deserve it?" 

"Yes! Please! Yes! Promise been good!" Y/n killed the stove with a sigh of relief when the meal finally reached the perfect condition, her legs trembling. The punishments that had followed all the times when she had messed up the dinner during after work fucks like these were fresh in her mind. "Been good!" It was the distortion in her language that made him cum so hard everytime. 

Distortion that he caused. 

"Go ahead then, cum." The Princess moaned loudly as she bent over the counter, her eyes shutting tight as her climax crashed over her, leaving her with nothing but a fucked out brain and ringing years. 

"You know, Y/n," James rarely ever called her by her actual name, always resorting to pet names or the name she was ascribed on their wedding way, the only exceptions being either when he was serious or she was in trouble. "I can't wait to have this cozy home of ours filled with our little kids running about." He started to empty his load into her, fucking his orgasm into and up her cavern as he bent over her form from behind. "And you waddling after them, swollen with their unborn siblings."

"Me too, hubby." Mrs. Barnes panted out, turning her head sideways to face him and pressing her lips against his exhaustedly, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. 

This was definitely bliss at last.

Tag list <3: @darkserenity24 @darkghostfairy @bonkybarnes106 @gloriouspurpose01 @salvatoreitmeanssaviour @kandis-mom @jjmaybankslittleslut @braverthanthenewworld @princezzjasmine @angiestopit @nd264 @yourdryadwife @ireneop @marvel-fandom23 @imsonick @smut-reader @ashovertheriver @candybabysworld @sebastians-love @jessicaloons @neeezza101 @aoi-targaryen @wintrsoldrluvr @shaaellii0753 @juicykingdompeach @neeezza101 @allabouthappiness @sweetwrathoflilith @floralwsloki @grimistangel

[enigmaincrimson]

Admittedly, Vanessa was relieved that V drank from her hard work without N having to carry it in himself and trying to do who knows what to cover up where it had came from. After all, drinking oil this way was far less messy than well... trying to lick it out from a bowl or something.

If she really did want to poison V, she'd use the unprocessed oil collected from her hunts, but she wants friends and not well... fatally poison people... at least not without a really good reason to do so.

"Well... one of the fun features of being a Security Drone is that we kind of well... consume materials and reprocess them for various purposes... and I can tell you that there are plenty of dead drones just laying about to scavenge for just that... even if eating things and spitting other stuff out all the time before storing it for later does make me feel like a demented honey bee for doing it."

"Besides, it is better to have the fallen share what they had lost in life, so that others might not suffer the same fate. Just... don't tell Mr. Doorman where the metal for his fancy doors comes from."

She wasn't about to say where else she gets the materials, even if killing other drones is a thing Disassembly Drones did and even if she could use some friendly company when hunting those feral Drones she keeps finding when she's out and about. They're just as much of an issue for the Worker Drones as for humans, so it's better to just cull them off whenever they start to get too close to any settlements.

Regardless, she was here right now, trying to resist eating the chair in the pod, or... repairing the pod itself for that matter. Both sounded good to her, considering how boring it usually was in the bunker outside of her own self-titled projects to poke and prod.

"As for a formal sense... let's just say we've been missing each other shortly this past while... and I've had to listen to Lizzy go on and on about you at every Student Council meeting and then there was that mess at the prom, so... I thought I should at least try to put out an effort to catch you this time."

There was something of a sheepish smile on her part as she really wasn't used to talking that much, especially since she usually hid things about herself from the various Worker Drones, who usually remembered her more for her unusual height and her habit of pacing up and down the hall more than anything else.

"Sorry if I am being so wordy... I usually don't get to talk that much... and well... maybe it is nice being around people my age that understands more of what I am dealing with... Especially considering that my adoptive parents are more concerned about if the roof isn't about to fall down and the power still works.

Those eyes squint a little more at V and she lets out a soft sigh. She had been pretending not to notice the tension on V's side of things and maybe she should address it now. Maybe that showed with how that tail of hers kept fidgeting with the chair, always getting close to grabbing with the claw-like appendage or wrapping around the post before stopping herself from doing so.

"Speaking of random topics... trying to ease the tension... How are you handling having Lizzy as a friend? She's not wearing on you too much, I hope?"

At least she's trying to be friendly, even if the whole thing was awkward for her as much as suspect and tense as it seemed for V from her view of the matter.

The brown-haired Security Drone would give V a polite smile as she brought the bags of supplies and gently set them down in the nearby corner before pulling out a thermos for herself and V as well before replying.

"No, but it did seem like a suitable precaution... You know... with the whole frenzy and possible explosion thing and it's not like I can share these with Uzi, can I? Okay... so maybe I can now, but you know... new details."

Of course, picking up on V's wish for warm oil, she set down her own thermos, dexterously pulled out what looked to be a larger cap with a button from her shoulder bag, swapped out the cap for the one already on the thermos, pressed the button, gave it a firm shake, counted down from thirty, and then handed it over to V to drink.

Should do the trick... Although it means that she'll have to make more of the little heater caps for the next time she shows up with supplies.

"I keep forgetting that Disassembly drones usually prefer their oil warm... and I do agree with you there, it does feel like I'm trying to drink molasses when it gets all dense. This should keep the contents nice and warm for about 12 hours, give or take."

There was a blush pattern on here visor's display at this point, obviously feeling a little awkward about not getting to meet sooner than she had planned. She could probably blame poor timing and an unsuspecting Lizzy for that one.

"As for introductions, name's Vanessa, Vanessa Foreman... and I am a Security Drone, since we might as well start with the formalities." She would try to explain in a soft, smooth, almost professional tone.

As for her extended tail, she had sort of just used it to hold the other chair in place so it wouldn't spin as she sat down. Further answers will have to be made at a more careful pace as she could tell that V was likely not as sure about her either.

[everythingne-orig]

Attempting

roos says ! is this in character? no idea. rooster plays a big role here bc i can imagine him being fed up with everyones shit very quickly. also fanboy playing guitar is such a good idea i love it. also this being called 'how guitar??' in my docs is rlly funny to me, thought I'd share :)

desc ! you've worked at the Hard Deck for a few years now, and everyday you swear you fall more in love with your job. Little do you know, the Daggers are enacting a plan on Fanboy's behalf-- an attempt to swoon you with live music.

genre ! pure fluff baby

TWs: drunkenness, cursing

Being a server at The Hard Deck was probably one of the best post-college decisions you had made. In the past three years that you'd worked there, Penny had become more of a mother than a boss, and your co-workers were like sisters. The restaurant was one hundred percent your second home, and if you found yourself bored at home, there was always something to be done there. It was not the only job you had, freelance didn't pay consistently enough though, so you found yourself working at both The Hard Deck and a small boat rental company on the shore for vacationing families in San Diego. Moving to California right after graduation was the worst post-college decision you had made. Rent was high, jobs were hard to come by, and even with your three roommates in your two-bedroom apartment, you still struggled to make every end meet. But you made it work, with the help of your co-workers, your perseverance, and a shit-ton of luck you somehow had. The day was winding to an end, the golden sun cresting over the ocean and shimmering the day's goodbye across the sky in vibrant hues. You snuck a picture on your phone, sending it to your roommates with an inside joke caption before you shoved it in your apron and adjusted your shirt. The low-cut v-necks were a new uniform piece, and optional compared to the usual button-up shirts or the custom company tees. The cut didn't bother you, but, as you served around a group of regulars-- the Iron Daggers, you'd come to call them, since it was their Squadron's nickname, you caught the eyes of the man who simply would not stop staring at you since you'd served him months ago. Fanboy, his name tag read, and luckily for you, it was a busy Saturday, so you didn't have to keep his dark eyes gaze with his soft grin pushing up his tanned cheeks, and ugh, why was he so... perfect? 

He was nice, you'd spoken a few times. He was from New Hampshire, hated the cold, and moved to California the second he got the opportunity to. He was in the Navy now, and you respected his line of work but weren't the type to settle down. Even years after graduating with a master's degree in Architecture, you still needed to land a solid job you could keep. And nothing in this area was lasting you longer than six months, or it paid job-to-job, which you fucking hated. Sure, it was nice to have a couple of thousand dollars dropped in at once, but it wasn't sustainable for your compulsive buying habits.

You made your way back to the servers station, tugging up the v-neck and huffing, reminding yourself mentally to wash your other work shirts when you got home. As you stood on your toes to grab a pitcher, someone else kicked open the swinging door and groaned as they set down the various plastic baskets of fries on the dish shelf.

"How long do you think we'll go until the jukebox gets shuts off?" A fellow server, Savannah, asks as she starts dumping the fries into the trash and the plastic bins into a dish tray. Her long blonde hair is pulled up in a perfect ponytail, the whispy hairs framing her face. She always looked so flawless, it made you a bit jealous, but you knew she'd taken a lot of time to care for and nurture her look. She did a wonderful job.

"Give them two rounds." Amelia comments from the other side of the server station, she's propped up on a counter, idly typing away on her laptop with one earbud in. You chuckle to yourself as you carry the two pitchers in one hand over to the other side of the kitchen, throwing a towel over your shoulder as you grab ice from the cooler and a scoop for the ice. You bend over to begin filling up your pitchers.

"Your mom would be pissed if she saw you on that counter, Amelia." You comment, moving the full pitcher to the side as you fill the other. Savannah walks over to a small mirror in the station and adjusts her hair and makeup as she chuckles along to your comment. 

Amelia pointedly rolls her eyes, "She's with Maverick today."

"Oh god, another woman lost to the Navy." Savannah salutes and you blow a huff out of your nose with a smirk, rolling your eyes as you use a small "drink gun" (which was essentially a soda fountain in a hose) to fill your pitchers. The six kids there were absolutely downing every small cup you gave them, so this would be easier, for you and their parents who had to flag you down every five seconds.

"Be careful, Y/n might be next." Amelia looks at you over her laptop screen, "I saw Fanboy checking you out."

"That's a him issue." You say, "And I refuse to date Navy."

Savannah turns back to you with an overexaggerated pout, "Awe, why not? Fanboy's cute!"

"Nope, no Navy." You say, and then you perk up when you realize the music had stopped at some point during your conversation, "Are the Daggers on their first round still?"

"Just got the second from Macie at the bar. Shit, it took that little time?"

"Unsurprising." Amelia smiles, putting her second earpod in. You grab both of the pitchers, shrugging to Savannah in a sort of 'we knew this would happen gesture which she giggles at before you dip out of the kitchen with the pitchers in hand.

Now, what usually happened when the jukebox got unplugged was Rooster would saunter over to the piano and serenade everyone with Great Balls of Fire. But that was not what was happening, because someone was playing the guitar.

Who the fuck brought their guitar to a dive bar?

You recognized the tune immediately though, it's 'I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For,' a song you'd loved for as long as you could remember, and you recalled you'd been humming it only an hour or so ago when the Iron Daggers had first walked in. Which you only remembered because Fanboy had commented on it then. As you set the pitchers down at the table of kids, the Mom smiles.

"Those aviators always surprise me with their talents." She whispers as if trying not to interrupt the pretty acoustics. You can't help but agree, watching the mostly tipsy aviators sing and sway over by the piano's nook. Rooster joins on piano, and the whole bar starts to hum along. It's a lot slower than usual, but the joy in singing and being together is clear on everyone's smiling faces.

Then, you realize who's playing guitar as you see his eyes meet yours across the dimly lit bar.

"I didn't know he could play." You say the mother and she smiles, turning to her husband and singing as you find yourself entranced as you slowly move a bit closer to where the aviators sit. Fanboy plays the guitar nimbly, his fingers not once dragging along the frets as he strums the tune out. Subconsciously, you smile, before realizing just how long you've held eye contact and breaking it in favor of slipping away and further into the bar.

--

The next time the daggers are in the bar, Phoenix, Halo, and Coyote are seated at the bar while you're working behind it. The three have ordered enough alcohol to support a small army, which you assume is the pilots behind them, plus a few older pilots you don't recognize. You spot Maverick between two men you don't notice, both have their wives draped lazily on their arms, and pool ques go unused in their hands as they drink and talk with the younger pilots beside them.

"Did Mickey really bring his guitar again?" You hear Coyote ask as you pour him a B52 shot to go with his coffee.

"Head over heels." Halo comments, taking a sip of her cosmo, "He's fuckin' whipped into shape and she has no idea."

"Who do you think it is?" You ask, sliding the shot to Coyote and the look Phoenix and Halo share is enough to cut diamonds. It makes you shift, "Nevermind, the jukebox is currently being unplugged by a drunk mustache man."

"Oh boy." Phoenix takes a long sip of her drink, and her glass sets down on the wooden bar in time with the first strum of a Grenade. You blink, looking across the bar to where you watch the drunk pilots sing together.

"Oh, I love Bruno Mars." You softly muse and Phoenix makes a face at Coyote and Halo that has them both groaning and laying their heads on the bar. You roll your eyes and lean back on the bar, watching the group.

It keeps happening for weeks, every shift you work, at least Hangman, Payback, and Rooster show up with Fanboy. And every time, after Fanboy's had at least two drinks, he plays a song. Sometimes Rooster initiates the song, but the night always starts with beer. Usually either Blue Moon or Bud Light. You find that every shift, you begin to wonder when they'll come in, and every shift you feel yourself slowly spending more and more time by the piano area. You end up getting the front of the house as your section every night, you know Penny does it on purpose.

Tonight's like any other, drunk pilots, bell ringing, spilling beer and soda on your hands and shoes, blue cheese, wing sauce, basically any liquid-like substance making you have to stop and wash your hands a hundred times through the night. But, The Hard Deck closes at midnight, and at around 11:50, all the regulars know to leave. Which makes all the others swarming the bar also want to leave. Tonight seems to be an exception for the Iron Daggers, though. They all hang back by the bar, chatting with Penny and Macie and you find yourself in a gossip circle as you take a stool from the bar and seat yourself. Your closing work is done, and you've done just about everything else for the Sunday night closing work besides mopping the floor, which you have to wait for everyone to leave to start. You have no responsibilities right now, so a soda by the bar won't hurt.

"He won't shut up about it." Phoenix laughs, swirling the wine in her hand. You know it's a local wine from a place Penny had visited in New Jersey years ago based on the fact that you'd heard the woman complaining she needed to sell it all before it went bad and the new shipment came in. And then she'd cursed Navy people for not drinking wine, while you were two glasses in, and you'd laughed so hard you almost puked. It was a... long day.

"Who won't shut up about what?" you ask as you slip behind the bar and use the soda gun to pour yourself a Coke.

"Fanboy's got a massive crush." A very drunk Bob says.

"Shots with Omaha got him again?" Penny teases and Bob crosses his arms before laying his head on them as he grumbles some sort of complaint that makes you laugh softly.

"Anyway, Y/n." Phoenix swats Bob's shoulder, "How do you enjoy serving us every single night?"

"I don't mind, actually. You guys always have something fun going on, and it's entertaining to watch it. Though I'm starting to wonder if all pilots magically have some sort of musical ability," You take a long sip of your drink while Bob laughs, sitting back up, swaying, and then laying back down.

"Only when they're trying to serenade-"

"Floyd." Phoenix cuts him off, "You're terrible at keeping secrets while drunk."

"Oh sorry," Bob says with a flush to his cheeks and a giddy giggle on his lips. You blink away, Savannah taking control of the conversation with a story about a table she had today. You look over to where Fanboy, Hangman, and Rooster sit and talk by the darts. But your eyes narrow when you see Rooster making some sort of vague hand motions at you. Before Fanboy slumps against the table, Hangman laughs.

"Hey, Y/n!" Rooster calls, waving you over, much to the visible dismay of Fanboy. You make your way back around the bar and over to where they sit, swirling your drink in hand.

"Gonna have to kick you boys out as soon as we get Bob a ride home." You say as you walk over, using one hand to adjust your server's aprons, feeling the fabric bump against the few decorative rings you wear.

"Yeah, well Fanboy needs one too." Rooster smacks his shoulder and you give him an odd look.

"Okay..?"

"Y/n. I have a..." Hangman drawls out and you watch as Fanboy's head perks up from where it had previously been buried in his arms, "a question."

"Fire away." You take a sip of your coke.

"Are you free Friday night?" You nearly spit out said coke. It takes you a minute, and a few coughs, to regain your posture.

You clear your throat, taking another sip of Coke to wash down the scratchiness, "Not for you."

"Sucks to suck, bags." Fanboy says and you giggle at his comment when he notices you see his whole face light up red. It looks cute, the way his pupils dilate when you make eye contact, and his insult dies in his throat.

Rooster kicks Hangman under the table, making another vague gesture between you and Fanboy. 

"Yo loverboy," Hangman kicks Fanboy, and Rooster groans, burying his head in his hands, "Follow me up, here, we had a plan."

"A plan?" You say, the three drunk pilots (with Rooster, for once, being the soberest of the group) blinking up at you.

"You ruined it, bagman." Fanboy sits up, brushing a hand through his hair, "I uh... well, I was also wondering if you're free Friday."

"Well, I wish I was. I have work." You say, watching as Fanboy sags, so you keep going, "You can always bring your guitar back around here if you want to hang out a bit."

Rooster's short patience wears out, "Y/n. You're both clueless here. Mickey beside me is askin' you on a date, like a one-on-one thing here."

Oh.

Oh.

"I--" You stammer, but Rooster keeps going.

"He's been spending the past three weeks tryna serenade you or some shit because he claims its super romantic but it literally hasn't worked one time and I'm sick of hearing him complain about it--"

"--Bradshaw!" Phoenix complains from the bar, he pretends to not hear her.

"For the love of god, go on one date with him or something."

"Dude." Fanboy says after a moment, and Hangman has to walk away because he's laughing so hard.

"You've been..." You gesture to Fanboy and he nods, so you turn to Penny who gives you a thumbs up.

"Guess I'm free Friday then." You murmur and he smiles.

--

Every day since then, save for the days of the Uranium Mission and other small deployments, has been a bit of a musical breeze. It's only been two months, but dear god you've never fallen faster for someone. The pilots still come around to the Hard Deck, though, if you're not closing and you get off early, you always end up tucked in a back corner with Fanboy's hand on your waist. It's become routine for you guys to spend time at your house since he lives on base, and his guitar always comes with him. When you're cooking for him on days he comes back from training exhausted, laying around on the couch or outside with him, or with his multitude of friends, there's always a tune playing in your ear.

And honestly, you wouldn't have it any other way.

[usertoxicyaoi]

Hey faiza I hope you dont mind sharing, but if you do you can ignore this ask, I wouldnt mind.

I have a younger sister who's recently diagnosed with autistism and I've tried to do research regarding it but I still feel helpless and that somehow I'll mess up. She's still growing and I want her to call home a safe place cause she has trouble with the outside world since there isnt a lot of awareness about autism here. Can you please guide me a bit? How you guys handle stuff at home? Any reading material that helped you. Thank you

hiiii anon!!! that's fine! honestly it was hard. bc my brother is the only boy from us all, and we're 4 siblings. there's me as the eldest, then my sister, then my brother and then my youngest sister. so at first, my parents just thought that bc was my brother was the only boy, that he might be developing a lot slower than me and my sister did as girls, but that eventually at the age of 2 or 3, he'd catch up. he didnt.

and my mum was the first one to sorta catch on that something didnt feel right. so after the health visitor inspected my brother and he got assessed, my brother got diagnosed with autism at the age of 3. my dad was a little reluctant at first to accept it, bc no one in my family history (either from my mum or dad's side) have autism or any type of special educational needs or disabilities, so my parents didnt really Know how to handle this all. but then my dad, after some time, came round.

and its not easy at all. it still isnt even though he's 23 now. but we've had a lot of support from different professionals, who are a whole team that have stuck with my brother at various points in his life, like his speech and language therapist or his educational psychologist or his medical staff or his teachers or his social worker etc. so they've always supported us and given us guidance and sent my parents to various courses - like triple p, something i hiiiiiiighly recommend. as a teacher, i also look into team teach, but i'd recommend even that too tbh, as a way to help and learn about de-escalation, and how you can positively help your sister in her education and broader sense of learning. another thing we also use is PECS - its honestly v v v useful for most children with autism as it helps them visualise their routine/timetable for the day/planned activities, but it also helps in allowing them to express what or how they feel, like hunger or fatigue, and helps them communicate their needs to you, if you help them understand what the visual cards represent.

for my brother, we've always had him have his own bedroom, and thats his private space to cool off and calm down that we rarely go in. my brother's non verbal, so he really has struggled with communication. we know a bit of BSL (sign language) and that helped when he was a kid, but as he grew, his school and his teachers slowly got him to begin speaking. he now only speaks in 3 or 4 word strings, not full sentences, but its a huge development!

my brother's really into disney, so he has a collection of disney books and films in his bedroom. what i'm saying is that get the time to explore what your sister's interests and hobbies are, and make her safe space one that holds her interests to help her feel secure. my brother isnt very into sensory textured things, so food isn't a huge issue with him, but for your sister, explore what textures she likes and what she doesnt. we dont ever force my brother into something he doesnt want to do, and sometimes that can mean cancelling plans last minute as a whole family too, which can be quite upsetting. so sometimes what helps is telling my brother well in advance that we're planning to do xyz on such a day, so that on that day, he isnt overcome with anxiety, bc most children with autism need a set routine, and if that gets disrupted, then they will behave anxiously. so now, when we have to go to a wedding or go out to eat, we tell my brother a week or so in advance, and he's okay with that.

but also, build some independence and decision making in them! let them choose what clothes they want to wear, what food they want to eat, whether they want to do english or maths today etc. sometimes things can become overwhelming and they do hit or bite or pinch or throw things. thats the moment where you just say a firm No and step away. let them cool off, and that will give you a chance to cool off too.

and always make sure YOU are okay too. if it gets too much, speak to your family. make sure different people are with your sister, because it can be physically difficult and mentally emotional. if you want to rest one day and have that day for yourself, tell someone in your family in advance and have some me time, and that will give a different family member a chance to spend time with your sister. that will help your sister build more relationships too! some days, my brother doesnt even wanna see my face, and thats ok! he spends that day with my other sisters or my parents or he'll go out with my cousin or sometimes, just by himself, bc they need that too.

and if you just tell someone, if you are going out somewhere, that you have a family member that has autism, you'll be surprised with how accommodating people are, and that helps so so much as opposed to not telling and then you'll get stressed and anxious too. like, sometimes, crowds and big spaces stress my brother out, even now, for example at a wedding we recently went to. but we told the person who invited us about my brother, and they said its absolutely no problem whatsoever if my brother needs to step out for a bit to get some fresh air or if he needs to be fed first etc. and in the same vein, i'd say to keep your conversations with you and your sister's "team" (her school teachers etc) ongoing, so that everyone is on the same page. for example, if you were to go on holiday or implement a new habit or try something new with your sister, if your sister's whole "team" knows about this, then you are all on the same page, and will help build that new change for your sister.

its honestly a learning experience that will never end, if i were to be honest. and some days its so .... hard. and other days its the most heartwarming thing you'll ever experience. make sure you take care of yourself, including speaking to someone if gets too much, so you can take care of your sister. and soon enough you yourself with just ... develop a sixth sense for who and what your sister wants or doesnt want and who or what she does or doesnt need.

🧡

[sanctamater]

𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 .

i. what does your muse smell like?

a light, floral perfume - top notes of citrus, heart notes of tuberose and jasmine, and deep, underlying base notes of sandalwood and vanilla. it’s her signature scent - one she’s had created especially for her within columbia; and while it is often imitated, it is never duplicated. under that, she smells of fresh linens and lye soap, toasted sugar and caramel. if she’s stressed, however - or has been on her own - she’ll smell of too much perfume and the underlying, acrid bite of cigarette smoke. 

ii. what do your muse’s hands feel like?

soft. she’s never done any hard labour in her life and is always wearing gloves and applying creams. she’s got long fingers and impeccably maintained and manicured nails - smooth, near perfect. there’s a callous that has formed on the left side of her right middle finger from where her pens constantly rest upon the skin when she writes - it’s the only noticeably rough area of her hands, and it shows up as a permanently raised bump when she is not wearing gloves. 

iii. what does your muse usually eat in a day? 

life at comstock house is dictated by schedules and briefings - and as lady of the house, amelia approves and runs these schedules, ensuring that all inside keep time properly. that being said - amelia usually plans her meals a week in advance, and every meal is always grand, given her status.

for breakfast, it depends on if she is receiving guests in the morning - if so, it will be a formal buffet breakfast in the informal dining room. beginning with fruit courses, it would then be followed by a mild dish based with cream before breakfast plates were laid. coffee and tea are readily available during this entire event - eggs of any sort (preferably boiled or poached) are served, followed by a light tomato salad, chicken, and rice. the final course would be a cold fruit dessert. this sort of breakfast only happens if the comstocks are having overnight guests - usually, amelia is served a breakfast of fruit, toast, and one soft boiled egg with tea in her bedroom via tray. 

lunch is an equally elaborate affair, with service at the table from staff. again, it starts off with a fruit course, followed by a plain soup (usually broth), oysters and bread, roast chicken with mushroom sauce, and small filets with a spiced brown sauce. this would be accompanied with roast potatoes, salad with a vinaigrette, and then finished with parfaits, bonbons, cakes, and coffee. amelia prefers smaller scale lunches since she usually eats alone and will often take just a sandwich from dinner leftovers and coffee - but she is ever a perfect hostess, and must make sure her guests are fed when they are in her wing of the mansion for lunch; which happens more often than not.

dinner always has guests. always. there are always politicians, lawyers, administrators and more who show up for dinner and once again includes table service. dinner would start with another light soup paired with sherry, then a lightly spiced fish (usually bass or trout) with a white wine. then, the main course would come - usually fowl, mutton, or beef with champagne or claret wine. this part of dinner would also come with roast potatoes and seasonal vegetables. the next course would be wild game such as pheasant or quail, with round potatoes and another round of claret. then, the vegetable courses and cheeses before the table was finally cleared and more wine was set out; followed by ice wine, sweets, cakes, and mousses. dinner would end with the ladies leaving to the drawing room to drink tea and coffee while the men would smoke and drink in the formal dining room before joining the women in the drawing room. amelia finds it exhausting.

iv. does your muse have a good singing voice?  

she did. once. amelia had a fine singing voice that was light and clear - she might have been able to go upon a stage, had her station in life not been so secure. as it stands, it was always a treat to hear her sing at parties; and she had a great many admirer in her youth who would come flocking to her after hearing her sing and play. however, the attempt on her life in 1895 has left her with permanent damage in her throat in the form of one paralyzed vocal chord that she never quiet gained use of again after speech therapy. as such, she cannot sing - it’s hoarse and quite, and can send her into fits of coughing or cause her physical pain to sing. she doesn’t talk about it any more. no one asks. 

v. does your muse have any bad habits or nervous ticks? 

smoking and swearing. not that anyone will ever catch the holy mother doing either of these activities - but she is an avid smoker when stressed and could never quite muster the ability to quit; and while she knows it wouldn’t look right for the average worshipper to see the holy mother smoking a branded cigarette - she does partake in private quite often. in tandem with that, her time in new york’s underbelly and her own spiteful nature has armed her with an arsenal of swear words that she often uses when stressed or angry. it’s not uncommon for staff to hear muffled swearing from her office when passing by - and something that is better left unmentioned. 

vi. what does your muse usually look like/wear? 

amelia dresses in the latest fashions - often stolen from french papers below - and is always sumptuously dressed in exquisitely tailored gowns. the cuts and shapes are always perfectly fitted to her with nary a wrinkle, and are always ahead of the curve - however, her dresses are never garish or gaudy in nature. they’re usually relatively plain - blues of all shades in satins and velvet accented with white and the occasional gilt trim. subtle embroidery and lace inserts - always light and airy, never dark; never drab. everything lies in the cut of her gowns and the way they shape and form her. her shoes are always polished patent leather, her gloves are always buttoned at the wrist; accented with her wedding bands and at her throat her now iconic string of pearls and matching earrings. her hair is always done up in elaborate styles; accented with ribbon or pearls; obscured by a lace wimple that she often wears when out in lieu of hats. there is never a hair out of place, never anything off - she is, in essecence, practically perfect in appearance; as she must be a shining example for all. 

vii. is your muse affectionate? how much? how so? 

it depends. she’s long since given up on being affectionate towards her husband but her children inspire infinite amounts of verbal and physical affection; she’s always stroking their hair, cupping their face; giving them treats and fussing with their clothing. they are, after all, her family. with lovers she’s affectionate but distant - a hand on their arm; stroking a lock of hair behind their ear, a tap on the small of their back. with devotees and strangers, she keeps herself aloof. cold. untouchable. not even administrative workers or politicians can touch or approach her without her permission, and she prefers to keep others at arm’s length. 

viii. what position does your muse sleep in?

on her left side, slightly curled up. she’s a light sleeper and wakes easily - be it via nightmares or sudden noises. even a creaking floorboard could wake her up; and she doesn’t fall back asleep easily. 

ix. could you hear your muse in the hallway from another room? 

no. amelia knows where the creaks and groans of the floorboards are in comstock house by now; and has trained herself to be a light and quick step. the only thing someone could hear is the rustling of her dress - but her footfalls are near silent. she wishes to pass through halls in peace. she wishes to be left alone. 

tagged by: stole it from @sanguisvirginis bc i am a little dash goblin tagging: STEAL IT TOO

[youngster-monster]

The City v. Ahamkara

Prologue - Bloody and Raw

The way back is a blur. Cayde can’t tell if he’s moving through a dream or reality, if he’s moving or sitting still with the world flowing around him. It comes to him in disjointed snapshots, brief bursts of movement before everything freezes again like an old laggy monitor. Fire from the wreckage of the Prison; a gunshot; Petra’s voice, concerned, and his own, distant to his own ears, pantomiming humor even though he has no idea what words are leaving his mouth.

Through all of it the only tangible constant is a hand wrapped around his wrist. Razel, his brain supplies, insistent even as a part of him argues back, not quite. He thinks he can feel claws scratch lightly against the painted surface of his arm. It’s false, of course. He can’t feel input that sensitive usually and certainly not now, with half of his receptors shot to hell. Maybe his processor is making up for lost feedback with imagined ones. Not reality as much as what he expects reality to be like — new, and absurd, and scratchy like a bird perched on his arm and poking its tiny little bird-claws into the joint of his wrist to keep its balance.

Perhaps the pinprick of not-quite-pain is impossible but what isn’t, today?

He’s walking on his own two feet, although there’s a great deal more stumbling than walking involved: that’s one. He won’t call it a miracle but it’s a struggle to find a word that fits the impossible-made-possible just as well.

Sundance is dead. He forces himself to think the whole sentence, even though it hurts like a bitch in a deep part of himself he’d rather not look at. Better to have it hurt now than fester in the dark and poison him. He’s seen what that kind of grief does to guardians. There’s a good reason so few of them survive the initial loss of their Ghost. He never thought he would, himself: anything good enough to kill Sundance would surely get him, too.

But it didn’t. That’s another for the Impossible tally he’s keeping for himself.

Razel’s grip tightens slightly, protectively, as if he caught the tail-end of that thought. Here it is. The last item on the Impossible list, the one Cayde is even less keen to linger on. Sundance’s death is not an immediate, pressing matter. It’s done; there’s nothing else he can do but withstand it now. Whatever’s up with Razel is an ongoing issue and there’s nothing he wants more than to avoid thinking about it.

He’s unlikely to get any luck with that but a man can hope, yeah?

It takes an eternity to reach their ship, falling forward rather than walking until they’re in reach of a transmat and then wincing his way through the touch of an unfamiliar-familiar Ghost as Cubix transports them to the Queen of Hearts. The impact of his feet on the metal flooring makes a heavy, echoing sound. Razel doesn’t make one at all. He’s like a ghost himself, suddenly, taking twice as much space as usual with none of the flailing that should come with it.

That’s when it catches up to him in earnest — no more of that shell shocked avoidance shit. It must be something in the air, he muses, that settles too heavily on his mind until he buckles under it. Something about the quiet of his own ship, the distant sound of howling and crashing and chaos replaced with the gentle hum of an idle engine; something about the stars blinking cold and distant through the cockpit; something about the persistent rattling in his chest, where the universe twisted itself to fulfill Razel’s desire and still didn’t manage to fix the minutiae of his internal machinery. As if water-cooling is a concept beyond even paracausal miracles.

It’s all, suddenly, too much.

Cayde collapses into the pilot’s seat, clunking and creaking, all the air wheezing out of him like a sorry bagpipe. He feels his entire weight suddenly, every pound of metal and wires, in a way he can’t blame on the difference between the Coast and the artificial gravity aboard the ship. He feels his entire age, each and every single endless year of it, remembered or not. Fuck, but he’s too old for this.

And Razel still won’t stop touching him. Hasn’t ever since— ever since. Even now he has a hand on Cayde’s shoulder, fingertips tucked under the collar of his cloak to lay on the bare metal of his neck underneath.

It’s a comfort. It’s a threat. It makes Cayde’s skin crawl. He wants to jerk away from it. He wants to lean into it. He doesn’t know what he wants, or what he feels beyond confusion, exhaustion, and a bitter kind of relief — the exhausting feeling of having held a snake in your hands and trading the fear of being bitten for the venom.

He’s not used to feeling like that near Razel — one of his closest friends, someone he trusts.

“You okay?”

Stupidly, he expected Razel’s voice to sound different. It’s the same as always: a little higher-pitched than you’d expect, with that slight Awoken flanging to it. At least he’s always pinned the sound of it on Razel being an Awoken and, as such, a little bit weird, as is expected. Now he’s not so sure.

“I’m alive,” Cayde replies grimly. “Sundance is dead and my best friend—” he stumbles there, but what good is a Hunter who balks at a challenge? “Is a wish-granting space dragon in disguise, but I’m alive. Silver lining, right?”

Razel curls into himself, looking small and hurt. It’s hard to see the monster in him just then — even harder than before. He just looks like Razel, and Cayde hates seeing Razel like that — like he just got hit over the head and doesn’t know what to do about it.

“I’m sorry,” he says, voice winding into a white at the end.

All the fight goes out of Cayde at once. It’s not guilt; not quite. He’s too drained for guilt. But it’s a little bit close to it.

He lifts a hand and lets it fall heavily on Razel’s head, ruffling his hair. “You did what you could, buddy.”

The frown he gets in return is fierce, but no fiercer than seems normal for Razel. He’s quick to anger and even quicker to forget about it, and as dramatic as his moods may be they’re rarely destructive. At least not for the right people. Cabal are all out of luck on that front. Still there’s something in his eyes — a wild, unnatural sharpness to the familiar orange-gold glow that makes a previously unknown animal instinct in Cayde raise its hackles. Whatever happened in the Prison, whatever bolt broke open to release the creature hidden under his features, there’s no locking it back up.

It suits him, though. Perhaps it’s always been there, lurking under the surface, showing glimpses of itself through Razel’s weirdest habits. Perhaps Razel isn’t that different now from a day ago; there’s comfort in that.

After all, he broke open reality to save Cayde. That must mean something, right?

“I didn’t,” Razel says mulishly. “There has to be something more I could have done. I mean—”

He never finishes that sentence. Not that Cayde needs him to. He’s seen what Razel did do. There’s still blood flaking on his fingertips from when he wiped it off Razel’s face; there’s still a dent in his chest where a hit that crumpled his chest like a soda can should have killed him and didn’t. What else might an Ahamkara do if given the chance?

There, he said it. The damning word. It’s not as if there’s a point pussy-footing around it anymore.

“You did what you could,” Cayde repeats, giving Razel another headache-inducing pat from his half-numb arm. “And a damn sight better than what anybody else could have done for me in that situation, lemme tell you. You’re not a miracle worker.”

“Aren’t I?”

“Well— okay, maybe you are. But you’re about as qualified as I am to grant wishes, so no one’s about to blame you for botching it somewhat.”

It’s the wrong thing to say, and he catches Razel’s wince in the corner of his eyes, but that goes ignored as another matter occurs to Cayde.

They might not blame Razel for the botched resurrection — knowing what they do of the limit of Ahamkara abilities, and that’s very little, it’s hard to tell whether or not he could have done more. But they will blame him for everything else. Not the near death experience, no. But being an Ahamkara? Hiding it from the City, the Vanguard, even unknowingly? It would be a crime, if any of them had known it was possible enough to make a law punishing it. It will be a crime once they catch wind of it.

And Cayde is thoroughly weirded out by the whole thing, but he’s not about to let his best friend get locked up for having saved his life.

“I have a few questions,” he says, although he’s not sure he truly wants them answered. Unfortunately there won’t be another time for it. “But once we’re home— not a word of it. Capische?”

Razel nods hard enough to dislocate a vertebrae.

Satisfied, Cayde punches in the code for manual piloting and sets the ship on course for the City. They’ve got this.

-

It occurs to Cayde that they have not got this when Ikora comes knocking at their door two days later at five a.m.

At any other hour it would be nothing out of the usual. He likes to think they’re friends, the two of them, and although it’s usually Vanguard business that brings her to their front step she’s always welcome to drop by unnanounced. He’s been expecting her, anyway.

When Razel and him crawled back to the Tower, dirty and exhausted and shell shocked, she was there to greet them. She was the first one to see Cayde’s sorry state, to ask — in a reassuringly familiar kind but straight to the point manner — what had happened. She’s the one who told him to take a leave, before Zavala even got there to order him the same. It was only a matter of days before she came by to see how he’s doing and kick him out of any self-pitying hole he might have dug for himself in the meantime.

But that’s a visit one makes during the day, or in the evening when she manages to claw back some free time from her mercilessly tight schedule. Nothing good ever comes from a five a.m visit.

Cayde opens the door in his pjs, bare feet against the cold floorboard, to Ikora and a Guardian in full armor he doesn’t recognize. They’re holding a rifle against their chest, in that kind of parade rest that Titans naturally adopt when they’ve been told they won’t have to use it and they don’t entirely believe it.

He fell asleep not two hours ago, but any bleariness remaining from his dramatically shortened night disappears at that sight.

“Mornin’,” he says, hand clenching around the door. He could slam it in their face, but the grim set of Ikora’s mouth tells him they’re far beyond that point. He shouldn’t even have opened it.

Her voice, when she speaks up, is that of the Warlock Vanguard — all business.

“Holliday sent me your records.”

Blinking, Cayde tries to connect that information to the current situation. Holliday, the shipwright. Holliday who’s been working on fixing the Queen of Hearts with a fervor that suggests it’s the only thing she knows how to fix in this damned situation. Holliday—

Who would have had to access the ship’s records to know exactly what to fix. The kind of records that include any and all audio captured aboard in the last few days.

“Fuck,” he says plainly.

She gives him a compassionate look that only makes him feel bad, until it darts up — towards the rest of the apartment — and then he feels worse. The Titan’s grip tightens on their rifle. The faint creaking of their gloves is the only sound for a good long while.

Slowly so as to not startle them into action, Cayde turns his head to look behind his shoulder. Razel has frozen in place next to the couch, holding Admiral in his arms. The cat jumps out of his grasp and pads towards Cayde, rubbing against his legs. Razel just stands there, licking his lips as if wondering if he still has time to bolt back inside their room.

“Is everything okay?” He asks eventually. He looks directly at Ikora when he says it — always does, when he’s not sure what’s going on. She’s his Vanguard; his lighthouse.

“Razel,” she says. It’s not a greeting. It’s the beginning of a longer sentence — of something worse. “You stand accused of treason, perjury, and crimes against the City at large. You will be put into Vanguard custody and judged in a court of law. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in court—”

The rest turns into senseless muttering as electrical buzzing overtakes Cayde’s ears — the sound of some Light-forsaken processor going into overdrive in an effort to keep him from hyperventilating. The Titan shoulders their way past him, marches to a still immobile Razel and snaps a set of handcuffs around his wrists. There’s a burst of light as they close; Cubix materializes next to him, the first Cayde has seen of him since they left the Shattered Coast. He’s been keeping his distance to make it easier on him, Cayde thinks dumbly, that small, idiotic kindness the only thing he can focus on at the moment.

Cubix’s voice has gone shrill with worry. “You can’t do this! Ikora—”

She shakes her head, her face set in a stern expression to cover any deeper feeling she may harbor. She’s a professional; Cayde doesn’t have it in himself to admire that, right now. “I’m sorry,” she says. “Cubix, I’ll have to ask you to come with me. Alone.”

Reluctantly, he does, flying up to her. The Titan pulls Razel aside as he floats past, and they put themselves between him and Cayde when they march him past. As if they’re afraid allowing him to touch either of them would make him explode out of his restraints somehow. As it is, he remains meek as anything as he shuffles after them. It’s an incredible sight: Razel with his hair down and messy like a bird’s nest from an uneasy sleep, dressed in nothing more than a shirt — Cayde’s — his underwear — pink — and a single sock — it has a hole at the big toe — being led away in handcuffs by a Titan twice as large as he is who keeps a tight grip on his arm as if he’s liable to eat them.

But he doesn’t, and the door closes on them with a soft click and one last apologetic look from Ikora. Cayde is left behind, in a dark apartment, empty save for himself and the loud meowing of his cat in the kitchen and the gnawing impression that none of this would have happened if he wasn’t such a gigantic idiot.

Somewhere, the sun rises.

He doesn’t see it.

[Read ch. 2 on AO3]