#Usually I go for it because it means I do overnights but we didn't even /get/ overnights this year

[thoughtvoid]

At least schedule more than one person the day after major sales and not just the day of (if that), you stupid sadists. Or, y'know. More than just two people for the entire day, trying to fill the pit you're providing excavators for.

[keehomania]

MARK LEE (마크리) — BBF (DRABBLE)

✧.* MINORS DNI (18+)

there was something so appealing about having something you couldn’t. in this case, someone. you didn’t spend too much time wondering, asking why things were the way they were, you knew you had to go to the flow. maybe it was wrong, maybe you lacked morals and the right mind. maybe you just liked the chase, the thrill of it. whatever it was, you were in for it. you were so fucking in for it.

MARK LEE was insatiable. you didn’t understand at first but, then again, you didn’t pay much attention, and neither did he. you were used to your older brother bringing him around, an entire group of his friends huddled together. whether it was in his room, the living room, or outside, they were constantly there, a joint nuisance during your pre-teen years. you were just as much of a nusiance, bugging them, pestering them with whatever seemed to be on your mind at the time. you’d get a couple laughs, even if they were forced, but it was only right. you were their best friend’s baby sister, and they didn't mind you too much. they thought you were adorable, like a cute version of your brother. no matter how it seemed to you, what you felt for mark was just puppy love. it wasn’t something anybody found weird, as obvious as it was. you clung to him, laughed at his shitty jokes, and everybody found it adorable. there was nothing serious to it.

those years flew by faster than any of you had anticipated. a few summers later and you had grown into a beautiful, mature woman. you had put all the more care into your body, your studies, and your career. your brother often joked that he couldn’t recognize you, that you had grown up way too fast. he wasn’t far off, actually. you had spent a few summers away, studying abroad in greece for shits and giggles. the distance wasn’t as ideal as the progress, but you didn't regret a thing.

you came back a changed woman, and you were more than pleased with yourself. you missed korea more than anything, even the less than pleasantries that came with it. your brother was the first to greet you, embracing you in a big hug the minute you came in. he hadn’t seen you in years, and he was more than stunned with the outcome. “wow, you've gotten uglier,” he joked as he ruffled your hair. you only rolled your eyes at him, slapping his shoulder lightly. “you haven't changed at all, i see.” he mocked your words, sticking his tongue out after to emphasize one thing—just because you had changed doesn't mean everybody else did.

when it was time for his friends to come around, you realized just how little everything else had changed. your brother and his friends stuck to their usual routine, just like when they were younger. you didn’t think much of it, even though the thought of mark still lingered in your mind. you did your best to push it aside, reminding yourself that whatever it was you felt—you felt it ages ago. you were a kid, it was puppy love, and you didn't know any better.

when they finally came around, they made themselves comfortable in the backyard. your brother had informed them of your return, and they were ecstatic to see you, to see how you were doing. to see if you had changed, to see if you were dating, thought one of them in particular. the first thing that you did was dash out of the house to greet them. there were whoops of approval, a few warm hugs and handshakes, all mingling in the air with a few cheers of, “we missed you” and “you've changed so much.” you were thrilled with the feedback, taking in every bit of what everybody had to say. all but one.

mark didn’t know what exactly it was that he was expecting to see when you walked out. your brother spoke highly of your change, saying it was like you had matured overnight, but mark took his words with a grain of salt. he managed to stay afloat despite his anticipation, until you had finally revealed yourself. his knuckled turned white with the force of his fingers clutching his seat, yet he couldn’t utter a word. everyone was able to say something, to greet you, everyone but him. the words were there, he knew exactly what it was he wanted to say, but they refused to come out.

you met his gaze swiftly, failing to realize the sheer tension behind them, even as everybody quieted down. “hey, markie,” you approached him with a soft smile, standing on your toes as you wrapped your arms around his neck. “missed you so much.” he felt as if time had come to a halt, his body growing more warm and more intense with every passing second. he felt the way your arms enveloped him, and all he could smell was you. it was a familiar scent, a comforting one tinted with vanilla and cinnamon.

he finally forced himself to hug you back, his arms snaking around your waist. “missed you more, (y/n).” fuck, was he grateful to have finally said something, anything. it was when you finally pulled away that he finally got a good look at you, at what he had been missing out on for years on end. your brother had sugarcoated his praise and approval, you had changed in ways that felt vulgar to say aloud. it was the way the european sun had done you justice, lightening your hair and tanning your skin. he found himself face-to-face with said justice, the white tan lines peeking under your tank top giving him all the indication.

he saw it in the way your eyes beamed with something foreign, something that wasn’t childlike nor pure. it was something dangerous, something intimidating that forced his gaze to lock with yours, decorated by black strokes of eyeliner. it was in the way the tank top hung from your body, hovering just above your belly button—no, something hovering just above your pierced belly button. fuck, he could feel it now, in all the wrong places. it was in the way he could see your hard nipples under the sheer top, visible with the cold air brushing over them. it was in the way your short were too tight and, well, too short, hanging just an inch below your ass. he felt disgusting for looking, and he knew it was obvious.

“i’m gonna go back inside,” you announced aloud to everyone, but yours eyes never left mark. neither did the stupid smirk playing on your lips, fuck, maybe not everything changed. “it’s getting a little cold for me.” everybody murmured hums of approval, nothing too special, but mark was frozen in his spot. he watched you as you turned back around and went back inside, his eyes glazing over everything—the way your hair shifted, your shoulderblades, the curve of your back, and your ass. he felt awful, but he couldn't help himself. everything that seemed cute years ago no longer seemed cute.

“you better watch yourself, mark lee,” your brother cut through the silence as he sipped his beer, his tone accusatory in a playful way. “she’s still my baby sister.”

you were his baby sister, that was the only thing that hadn’t changed. what really changed was mark. he held it off for as long as he could, telling himself it didn’t matter, that you were both young and didn't understand what feelings were. you still didn’t understand, neither of you did, but feelings didn't matter anymore. you didn’t have to understand feelings to understand hormones.

“it’s weird seeing you drink,” you couldn't bite back the smirk playing on your face as you heard his voice. you leaned forward, arms crossed against the kitchen counter as you sipped your beer. it was like you had anticipated his arrival from the second you walked back into the house, it almost felt calculated. you didn’t turn back around, you could feel his presence, his gaze. “really weird.”

you hummed in response as you sipped your drink. you looked up at the window in front of you, locking eyes with his reflection, the smirk never leaving your face. “i’m full of surprises, right?” you practically purred, leaning forward as the straps of your top spilled down your shoulders. he felt the strain in his pants, one he prayed you wouldn't notice as his gaze flickered between your eyes and the valley of your cleavage, now all the more visible to him.

he tried to distract himself, to stop himself from giving in. his eyes fell to the floor, falling on a can of beer that either could’ve fallen to the floor, or been meticulously placed there. mark didn't know better, he never knew better. “you dropped a can,” he didn’t mean for his voice to tremble as much as it did, but it was too late. he was like a mouse in a room full of traps.

your smirk didn't falter as your gaze dropped to the can that you had placed by your feet. “you’re right,” you murmured as you sunk down. your legs remained upright, upper body bending down as you grabbed the can. you didn’t hear the way he cussed under his breath, but you didn’t need to. you saw it in his eyes as they dropped to your ass, the material of your shorts stuffed in between the mound of flesh, giving him the view he had been silently praying for. “didn't even notice.”

he wasn’t sure what it was that finally did it for him, but he had just about enough. you had turned your back to him once more, as if you were oblivious to what you were doing, but he caught the smirk on your face. it was just about enough to piss him off. his footsteps were heavy as he approached you, his breath hitching slightly as he bent down. his chest was tight, his heart thumping against his ribcage like a drum. “you’re really pushing it, aren’t you?” he spoke, his voice gruff with irritation. you scoffed, your hand grabbing his arm for balance as you turned, your clothed breasts brushing against his forearm.

you finally turned to face him, a glint in your eye. “pushing what exactly?” your tone was playful, taunting even. you had always been a tease, but now it was different. it wasn’t the same playful banter from when you were younger, it was something more, something that had his blood boiling.

his eyes searched yours, looking for any semblance of innocence he might've missed. he found none. “you know what i’m talking about,” he breathed, his hand hovering over your arm for a second too long. your skin felt hot under his touch, and he knew you felt it too. “gonna do something we’ll both regret.”

you leaned in closer, your breath grazing his cheek. “you think?” your voice was a whisper, filled with challenge. “i’m not a little girl anymore, mark.” your hand found its way to his chest, feeling the thump of his heart beneath his shirt. his eyes narrowed, the reminder hitting too close to home. “you're my best friend's baby sister,” he practically snapped, his frustration reaching a peak. his anger was misdirected, and he was aware of that. what he should’ve done was remind himself of the facts, the same facts that seemed to fight the tent in his pants. you stepped back, feigning innocence as you sipped from your can.

his gaze dropped to your mouth, watching the way your lips wrapped around the can. he could feel his resolve slipping away, his body begging him to do something, anything, to get closer to you. “it’s wrong,” he said, the words feeling foreign as they left his mouth. you set your beer down, a knowing smile playing on your lips. “is it?” your hand reached up, playing with the strands of your hair.

his hand shot out, grabbing yours before it could reach your hair. “your brother,” he began, his voice strained. “your brother would kill me.”

you stepped closer again, your hand still in his grasp. “he’ll never find out,” you whispered, your eyes never leaving his. you leaned in, pressing your body against his. “no one’s gonna find out.”

his eyes darkened, his grip on your hand tightening. “we shouldn't,” he warned, his voice barely above a whisper. “you're playing with fire.” you leaned in even closer, your tits pressing against his chest. “maybe i like getting burned,” you murmured, your other hand reaching up to trace his jawline.

his control snapped. he crushed his mouth against yours, his tongue delving deep, tasting every part of you. his hands roamed your body, feeling every curve and dip. you moaned into his mouth, your body responding instinctively to his touch. the kitchen floor was cold under your bare feet as you stepped out of your shorts, his eyes dark with lust as he took in the sight of you. “mark,” you whimpered, pulling him closer. his response was to lift you onto the counter, your legs wrapping around his waist. he didn’t hesitate, his hand reaching into your panties, feeling the wetness that had been building up since you saw him again. “so eager,” he murmured against your neck, his teeth grazing your skin.

you pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it aside, revealing his muscular chest. your hands roamed over his biceps, taking in the warmth of his skin. “fuck,” you breathed as he kissed down your neck, his teeth scraping against your sensitive skin.

his hand found your tits, his thumb flicking over your hardened nipples as his free hand worked on your panties. you arched your back, pushing yourself closer to him. “mark,” you repeated, your voice needy. his mouth found your nipple, sucking and biting gently, making you gasp. his other hand found your clit, rubbing it in slow circles. “shit, you’re so wet,” he murmured, his voice filled with disbelief as your juices coated his finger, leaving his nail slick and shiny.

you were lost in the feeling, your hips bucking against his hand. “please,” you begged, your voice a desperate whine. he complied, his hand moving faster, his teeth biting down harder. then, he pulled away, leaving you panting, your eyes glazed with desire. “not yet,” he said, his voice low and commanding. “i wanna see all of you.”

you didn’t argue, letting him pull your tank top over your head, revealing your bare breasts. “just like that, fuck,” he murmured, his eyes roaming over the flesh of your tits, stopping at the sight of the metal piercing that clung to your belly button. every bit of it helped him see you in a different light, a light that made his cock painfully hard in his pants. he took in the sight of you, so needy, messy and on display for him. it was wrong and he knew it, but he was too entranced to care anymore.

his hand snuck up to your mouth, his thumb pressing into your lower lip as he stared into your eyes. “you're so fucking tempting,” he groaned, the words slipping out despite his better judgment. you took his thumb into your mouth, sucking lightly before speaking, “so are you.” it was all the invitation he needed.

his hand moved down to the button of his pants, the sound of his zipper echoing through the kitchen. he stepped closer, his cock springing free, thick and long. you took in the sight of him, licking your lips, your eyes wide with anticipation. “are you sure about this?” he asked, his voice hoarse with desire. “more than you’ll ever know,” you replied, your voice just as breathless.

his hand moved behind your head, tangling in your hair, pulling you closer to him. your eyes never left his as he guided his cock to your mouth, the tip teasing your lower lip. you parted your lips, letting him in, feeling the warmth and hardness of him on your tongue. his grip tightened, his hips bucking slightly as you took him in deeper. your eyes watered slightly, but you didn’t care. you liked the way he felt, the way he filled your mouth. you liked the way his breath hitched, the way his eyes rolled back.

you moved your head back, letting his dick fall out of your mouth with a wet pop. “so fucking pretty like this,” he murmured, his voice strained with lust.

his hand left your hair, moving to the small of your back, pressing you closer as he kissed you again. you could feel his length pressing against your stomach, leaving a wet trail against your belly button as it slid down to your pussy. your hand found its way to his cock, stroking him gently. “you’re gonna get me all dirty,” you murmured against his lips, your voice teasing. “you want it clean?” he responded, a hint of mischief in his tone. “maybe later,” you replied, your hand moving faster, your thumb smearing precum over the tip of his cock.

his hands moved to your ass, cupping the flesh, his fingers digging into your skin as he pulled you closer. you could feel his cock sliding through your folds, the head brushing against your clit. “mark,” you moaned, your legs tightening around his waist. “i know,” he murmured, his breath hot against your ear. “i know you want it.”

he didn’t wait for you to respond, didn't wait for permission. he pushed into you, filling you in one swift motion. you gasped, your nails digging into his shoulders. “fuck,” you whispered, the pain mixing with pleasure. he stilled, giving you a moment to adjust to his size. you took a deep breath, looking into his eyes. “more,” you demanded, your voice needy.

his thrusts grew deeper, harder, his cock sliding in and out of you with ease. the kitchen counter was cold against your back, but you didn’t care. all you could feel was the heat between your legs, the way his cock filled you up, the way his hands held onto you like you were his. “you're so fucking tight,” he groaned, his hips moving with a ferocity that had you seeing stars.

you met each of his thrusts with your own, your body moving in sync with his. “fuck me harder,” you begged, your voice strained. he complied, his hips slamming into you, the sound of skin on skin filling the room. you could feel yourself getting closer, your orgasm building like a storm inside of you. “mark, i’m gonna—"”

his hand came down, colliding with the flesh of your ass, the sound echoing through the kitchen. “not yet,” he grunted, his rhythm not faltering. “i’m not done with you.” you moaned, your body responding to his dominance. he reached around, his thumb finding your clit, rubbing it in circles as he fucked you. you knew it was risky, but the thrill of it only made you want it more. he was lost in the pleasure, the morbidly amazing feeling of your cunt milking everything he had to give you. his cock was big, hitting all the right places that had you clawing at his back. he held you in place, arms draped around your waist as he drilled into you. he made sure one hand toyed with the flesh of your ass, gripping and probing hard enough to paint bruises. his other hand roamed over your tits, kneading the flesh as his thumb tugged at your nipples, but his curiosity got the better of him.

he couldn’t help the way his hand dropped to your stomach, fingertips tracing the piercing. he loved the way the light adorned the material, it was like eye candy to him. he kept his hand there as he pounded into you, the realization of just how big he was compared to you dawning upon him. it had to do with how your cunt struggled to take him whole, the outline of his cock practically under the skin of your stomach. he was entranced by it, thrusting into you just a little harder to really see it. you were so small compared to him, yet there you were, taking him whole. he placed his palm ovee your stomach as he continued to tear your pussy apart, his hand clasped over the outline of his cock. it was like he was jacking himself off, while he was inside you.

the pressure grew as his pace quickened, your body tightening around him. “please, ’m gonna cum,” you whimpered, your voice a mix of pleasure and pain. “do it,” he urged, his hand pressing down harder on your stomach. your eyes squeezed shut as your orgasm crashed over you, your body shaking with the intensity of it. he groaned, his thrusts growing more erratic as he chased his own release. “gonna fill this pussy up,” he warned, his voice strained. “please,” you moaned, your cunt clenching around him.

his cock swelled, pulsing as he came inside you, his cum filling you up. your legs tightened around his waist, your body trembling with the aftershocks of your climax. your breath came put ragged and harsh, your chest heaving as his cum spilled down your thighs. he leaned into you, his forehead pressing against yours.

you could feel his heart racing against your chest, his breath hot and ragged in your ear. “what now?” he whispered, his voice filled with uncertainty. “now, we clean up,” you replied, your voice low and sultry, your hand reached down, wrapping around his still hard cock. “and maybe we do it again,” you suggested, your eyes never leaving his.

his eyes searched yours, looking for any sign of regret or hesitation. what he found was a spark of excitement, a challenge. “you’re insatiable,” he murmured, his voice filled with awe. “a little bit,” you replied, your smile widening. “now, get me off this counter before i get a bruise.”

he chuckled, his grip on your ass tightening as he lifted you off the counter. your legs wrapped around his waist, your arms around his neck. “where to?” he asked, his voice still thick with lust. “my room,” you murmured, your eyes half-lidded. “we have all night.”

✧.*

[demon-country]

One thing I like about Stolas is that he learns, and then he takes action of his own accord. He's not stagnant. Sure, he can be a bit oblivious and lost in his own head, but once he's finally informed that there is a problem he always makes a real effort to reflect on it and then do something about it.

We see it as early as Loo Loo Land, where he misses all the cues that Octavia is upset, but once she actually tells him what's wrong he immediately reassures her. He then promptly leaves with her, asks her what she wants to do instead, and takes her there despite not understanding the appeal. His focus is on her the whole time from the moment he finds her crying. He even carries her like she's a small child again the entire way back to the van, and she lets him because physical comfort is something she needs and he knows it.

We see it again after Ozzie's, where Blitz is finally honest about his belief that Stolas wants him for nothing but sex. After a night of heavy drinking, he immediately starts to reflect on things and comes to the correct conclusion that their deal needs to end, because in hindsight Blitz didn't seem happy or like he was having a good time like Stolas previously assumed, and then he tries to find Blitz a way to stay in business without relying on him. He gets a little side tracked because of the divorce, but he never gives up on getting Blitz an Asmodean Crystal, even when it requires him to wait several hours in Asmodeus' waiting room fresh out of the hospital.

We also see it in Apology Tour, where he reflects in his song and starts to realize that his behavior early on wasn't taken as him being cute and playful like he intended, but pushy and overbearing. Despite how Blitz hurt and yelled at him both that morning and the night before, he acknowledges that it wasn't malicious and doesn't try to put the blame for things going wrong on Blitz, although he doesn't yet realize that it's not because Blitz doesn't care, it's because he cares too much and is scared of that.

Stolas is learning and changing, but it's a slow process. It comes in pieces. Which is generally how it goes in real life, too. People don't usually change overnight, it can take years and years to fully unlearn bad behaviors and do better, but fuck if he isn't trying.

He needs problems spelled out for him though. He's been extremely sheltered and socially isolated his whole life, and there are a lot of things pointing to him being autistic as well. He's going to miss or misinterpret things that are just implied, there's simply no getting around that. For example, he was never going to realize that there are problems with how he treats imps in general without prompting, because that's been normalized for him and he's high enough on the food chain that almost no one is going to correct his unconscious bigotry. That is, until Blitz, who is perhaps the only person of a lower class Stolas knows who's not intimated by him in the slightest (other than Striker, who was torturing him at the time, which is yet another trauma barrier that will make it hard for him to reconcile with his racism/classism), tells him in a fit of rage. 

I'm sure he'll reflect on Blitz's words and what they mean about how he acts when it's not less than 24 hours since he got his heart smashed to pieces. I don't know about you guys, but I know firsthand that the humiliation and betrayal he likely felt after having his feelings mocked not once, but twice (first on accident, but the next very much on purpose. Oh Blitz, the self-sabotage is so painful to see) take a little while to get over. Let him reflect on how his over-enthusiasm had him running roughshod over Blitz first for a bit, which he's already in the process of doing, then when things aren't so fresh he'll be in a better headspace to consider his overarching biases.

And from a narrative standpoint, the fact that it's taking a while for him to work through everything is a good thing. Expecting him to just Know Better is unrealistic and would cheapen his character arc. He's fighting to do better for the people he loves despite his trauma and implicit biases making that hard for him, and if he is autistic then there are just some things he will always struggle with, like reading social cues. But for any of his improvement to feel satisfying for the viewers then it has to move at a reasonable pace, and unfortunately that kind of change takes time. It's difficult, but he's actually doing a pretty good job so far. He's making a real effort to fix his behavior. But you gotta be patient, he's basically fumbling blindly through this alone.

Anyway, I just really love that, slowly but surely, he's learning. He's not being babied by the narrative or the creators, he's holding himself accountable and changing himself for the better. If you want realistic characters with nuance and depth then you have to let them actually act in the messy, imperfect ways real people do. This is true for Blitz and his character arc as well, but that's for a whole other post.

[masonmount-vii]

It'll Make Sense Some Day

Part Three

april twenty-second

"Wait. Back the fuck up. You're going out with Mason tomorrow, and you're just now telling me?" Millie asks the day before you and Mason are going to meet for a coffee.

"We're not going out, Mills, we're just getting a coffee, there's a difference!"

"That's what they all say," your sister mumbles, but you ignore her.

"It's really not a big deal-"

"They all say that, too."

"Because we were friends for a long time, and well... We're both older now. We can handle this like adults, believe it or not."

"I never said you can't handle this like an adult, Y/N," Millie explains, "I just can't believe you just decided to meet up with him without consulting Mum or I, like you usually do."

"I don't always do that!" You protest, crossing your legs underneath you as you sit on the couch, some random show on the TV playing in front of you.

"Okay, maybe not. But the point is, you've not been talking about Mason for 9 and bit years, it isn't likely for you that this just changes overnight. What happened?"

"I need a date to Rachel's wedding, so i decided to make a Tinder for that, and the next thing i know, I matched with Mase."

Millie laughs. "Oh, my god. You know there are plenty of guys at my work that i could set you up with? This one guy, Eric, comes into work everyday and just rants about how he doesn't have a girlfriend. I don't think you'd like him, though. He's a bit self cantered."

"Then why bring him up?" you mumble, as Millie keeps talking.

"Anyway, how did you match with Mason and not even know? Were you swiping through so fast that you didn't know?"

"I honestly don't even know how it happened. I guess i just wasn't paying attention, and the next thing i knew, i was matched with him."

"That's hilarious. No offence, sis."

"None taken, except it wasn't particularly funny in the moment. Actually, it was terrifying. I called him after, though, and we cleared everything up."

"Good. Just remember, i'm going to tell this story at yours and Mason's wedding."

"Millie! I'm not even in love with him anymore, and he sure as hell probably isn't with me. We're just going to be friends and see where it goes."

"Come on, you can't be immune to the fact that your life is like something out of a rom-com. Which isn't a bad thing, in fact, can you send some of that my way?"

"Why? Aren't you still with Leo? Millie, you guys have been together forever."

"Your sister sighs. "i am, yes, but i just feel like our relationship has lost some of the spark it had when we first met, Do you know what i mean?"

"Not personally, no but for the sake of this conversation, yes. What exactly do you mean by 'spark?' Like, sex?"

"That's part of it, but Leo and I never do fun couples' things anymore. He doesn't buy me flowers spontaneously or take me on romantic trips."

"Do you want him to do things like that?" You ask.

Millie has never been a spontaneous person, when she was ten, she showed our parents her entire life plan, and has stuck to it so far to a T.

"I think, I don't know."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

It takes your sister a second for her to answer. "No."

"Well, there you go. Just talk to him, ask if you guys can have a night where you go out for dinner one night, instead of staying at home. Make small changes to your relationship that make you happy, before you expect giant romantic gestures."

"Wow, I should ask you for advice more often," Millie laughs.

"I give good advice sometimes, you know."

"Yeah. Well I should get going, but tell me how your date goes tomorrow!"

"It's not a date!" You yell, but Millie hangs up the phone, cutting you off.

-

Thank you so much for reading! Sorry it’s a really short one 💓

[onehundredandeleventropicalfish]

so i keep referencing the What Broke Delirium essay i plan to write but never actually writing it, so let's dig into that one!

because. sandman does not spoonfeed information. neil gaiman even said this in regards to the tv show, most shows are written these days under the assumption that audiences aren't really paying attention and need things spelled out for them - but sandman is not one of those shows. you gotta notice everything to get the full story

which honestly i love in many ways because it's part of why i'm never gonna run out of sandman essays to write - every time i reread the comics or rewatch the show i catch something new

and this is one of the first hidden bits of info i caught - remember this spread from overture?

it's a fucking gorgeous page and one of my favourite in the entire sandman run, both for the pretty art and the content itself (i love delirium SO much)

but let's just zoom in on the center of those flowers for a sec

because there's tiny tiny text written inside them

(for anyone who can't parse that, the first says "delight was sad", the second says "delight went mad")

now i've mentioned in many of my posts before that the endless all struggle to experience their own aspect, they are that thing, it exists for the most part out of their reach, and that causes problems for all of them

but i usually leave delirium out of these explanations

and that's because, for whatever reason, delirium is the opposite. and delight was too. i don't know what it is that makes her different, but while her older siblings all seem to be barred from their own domain by nature (or have to go to great lengths to experience it), del is too much of it. she's utterly absorbed by it. and while i think she's learned over the centuries how to be a bit more flexible (she understands the coins have two sides thing better than any of them, and can be lucid when she needs to), she didn't start out that way

we don't know what it is exactly that broke her. but we know why.

she had spent all of her life as the personification of happiness and joy, and someone who embodied those emotions. she appeared most as a little kid as delight, because kids definitely find it a lot easier to stay in that perpetually excited, happy mindset

but nothing stays that way forever. and this is where she is like her siblings, and why she's so familiar with the coin metaphor - when you're missing a fundamental piece of being human (either by being barred from your aspect or by being absorbed by it), that's not sustainable. it will tear you apart. dream refuses to accept that this is the case, and that breaks him. desire is equally stubborn about it, and they've outright admitted (in narration) that they're hanging on by a fucking thread

but death figured it out, when she realised she couldn't fulfill her function properly without learning what it was like to live. destruction figured it out when he ran away to go create. and delirium figured it out the hard way, because as soon as the world got a little too big for her singular aspect to make sense, it shattered

and it shattered slowly

there may have been some form of inciting incident, but she didn't become delirium overnight. i think a lot about her describing it as "growing up, or at least growing older", because that's both a very mature way to look at it and also an extremely tragic way to look at it, the idea that she knows too much, is never going to see the world the same way again, and that means delight is never coming back

(and that realisation is when she stopped presenting as a child and started presenting as a teenager)

and i think for a while, early days of being delirium, not delight, she didn't know what to do with that. delight broke into scattered pieces and the more fell away the harder it became to connect them

but she's also the only one of her siblings who's picked herself up from that. and it's why she's the wisest of them. because from there she learned

okay, so her innocence is gone. so delight isn't coming back. but there's still parts of her around, if delirium ever needs them. and the more she observes about the world, the more she experiences, the more different pieces she gets to add to the puzzle. they don't fit together, but that's del's real strength - they're not supposed to. she could have tried to reassemble herself piece by piece, like gluing together a broken statue, but why would she do that? then she'd be exactly as breakable as before, if not more so

instead she's more of a floating amalgamation of pieces, or rather, she's the ties between them. and because there's no set puzzle, she can put those pieces together in any order. she's no longer susceptible to the same problems as her siblings, because she's not missing anything anymore. she didn't lose parts of herself when becoming delirium, she gained some

and yes, no one is entirely without flaw - her downside is she's still susceptible to strong emotion, and when that overwhelms her mind she stops being any kind of person, we just see that floating amalgamation, until she can calm down. but that's the worst of it. her siblings may see her as broken, but she's more whole than she ever was as delight. and she's never going to break again

[homocidalpotat]

Okay, I think we need to talk about the stigma or even just lack of education around being gluten-free.

I am coeliac. I have been coeliac since I was 7 years old. Coeliac disease is an immune disease which means I can't eat anything with gluten in it. If I do, I risk diarrhea, throwing up (for hours), being ill for over a week, intense cramps and lots more. My symptoms can last between a day and a month, and I don't even have it bad. If I don't throw up the gluten before it has got to my intestines, the gluten destroys the villi in my intestines, meaning I can't properly digest a lot of food until it heals. Before being diagnosed, I spent about a year experiencing intense fatigue- I would eat anything just so I wasn't in pain or starving (including fabric, books and all sorts of inedible things). If I didn't get that diagnosis, I don't even know if I would still be alive. And any form of gluten can trigger this- I accidentally inhaled a bit of flour and had to be off school. You get it, it's a really serious issue.

For those of you that don't know, gluten is a protein found in wheat, barley, and rye. This is found in flour (therefore bread, cakes, etc), and other things. Companies will even put barley into foods that don't need it. It is really common, and helps dough to stay together, for the most part.

There are many forms of being gluten-free. Allergies, intolerances/immune disorders, and choice. This is where a lot of the stigma comes from- people will intentionally go on a gluten-free diet even though it is bad for them. Being on a gluten-free diet is only healthy if you have a reaction to gluten. Gluten-free food is also less common, more expensive, and usually less delicious. The variety in gluten-free food is miniscule in most places. I haven't had a churro since before being diagnosed, and I don't even know what doughnuts actually taste like any more.

Because going on an unnecessary gluten-free diet is SO foolish, a lot of stigma arises. The majority of gluten-free people these days are gluten-free as a choice. Being a petite, young, white female, a lot of people assume that I also chose to. People make this assumption a lot. If I ask for a gluten-free option at a café, I get judged and glared at all over. "Oh look, another one of those idiots. She must think it's so cool to do that. It's not even healthy?". I have had my needs ignored or abused by caterers, party hosts and even my food-tech teacher.

Sure, people that choose to go gluten-free don't deserve that stigma. Maybe someone chose to be gluten-free to support their loved ones, maybe they are scared they could touch their loved one and make them ill. Maybe there are more gluten-free people in their household than not, so it makes sense to only make a gluten-free version of a meal, rather than making one. There are good reasons a person might go gluten-free other than medical reasons. Obviously, there are influencers (and influenced people) who think gluten-free diets are just another way to be trendy and lose weight (when they are denying their body something they need), and that is stupid, but it's not worth being hated on. Sure, as a coeliac person, I feel mocked and hurt by those people, but if someone asks for their food to be made specifically or whatever, just do it? Don't ask questions, you don't need to know.

On another note, so many people don't know what it is. A shocking amount. I once stayed at the hospital overnight and in the morning asked a nurse for a gluten-free breakfast and she said she didn't know what that was. I have been invited to so many parties just to be told "Oh, sorry, I didn't get anything gluten-free for you because I didn't know what it was". Representation matters!!! With representation, the world becomes safer for gluten-free people. With representation, more companies will increase and improve their gluten-free options!!! I'm tired of going to a bakery and the only gluten-free option is a brownie (I'm not joking. About 75% of all bakeries I've been to have said their only gluten-free option was a brownie, and I don't really like brownie.)

Please reblog this, especially if you aren't gluten-free. You don't know how many people you are saving from being ill or miserable. Let me know if I missed out on anything in this post, and feel free to add your own opinions and facts! This is a post about being gluten free and having food restrictions, don't derail.

[iu-xo]

"Like we've always hated each other"

Tantrum.

intro part 1 part 2 part 3

It took much less time than expected! I hope it's enjoyable to read, god this is so slowburn, so they still hate each other! But... do they really?

The sun... the sun that comes through the window... the fucking sun.

The most recent being to move into the hotel after its restoration, he was fighting a battle to the death with nothing more and nothing less than the sheets of his bed, nothing new for the king to say the least, In his mind it was the eighth time he told himself he would get up, And this was the real thing, he thought for the eighth time...

When he heard a door suddenly open, and even though he loved his daughter with all his heart, he couldn't wish for anything other than that she would leave him for another hour to rot for a little longer in his nest of depression and procrastination, Which didn't happen that way.

-DAD! I'm sorry to bother you... I know you were still sleeping and stuff! despite being past noon.. But your help would reeeeaaaally help me a lot rigth now!

Even though his body betrayed him and made him want to sink and become one with the mattress, knowing that his daughter needed something from him gave him enough motivation to sit up in bed.

-Whatever you need honey..

His voice was still hoarse and sleepy, revealing his little to none desire to exist at that moment, but surely when he did something he would feel better... he hoped.

The princess gave a happy squeal to take out some notebook pages with lists and colorful crayon drawings, and grabbed one in particular which she put on her father's nightstand while she put the rest away with some clumsiness.

-Today I have an activity planned but I mixed up my schedules with next week's, so I have nothing to start with!

The blonde looked very worried about this problem she had, and Lucifer thought that maybe she would ask him for things to buy and he could just magically appear them, piece of cake.

-So while I fix this I wanted you to put these flyers in the businesses that already gave me permission!

Wait. What?

the angel really thought He could get away with doing this quickly with a little magic trick, but he really had no way of appearing flyers in specific places which he had no idea where they were..

-erm.. Dear.. Can't we just put them in... I don't know... everywhere?

-Nop! Because today's topic is... consent!

She said while making a rainbow in the air with her hands , Therefore, the little angel had no choice but to personally walk through the disgusting streets of the pride ring... his ring. While he was hanging little pieces of paper on the windows of the shops of the ungrateful sinners that owned them. But... it was for Charlie... so how bad could it be, He stopped thinking about how bad it would be and instead saw Charlie's smile explaining how she wanted to deal with today's topic, he saw her eyes full of sparkle and got out of bed.

-Count on me char-char, I'll take care of it!

Charlie smiled from ear to ear and hugged him, leaning down, he had taken Lucifer a little by surprise but he gladly reciprocated

-Thank you.. means a lot.

They both felt a silence after that, it wasn't awkward, it was like they were telling each other without words that they were trying to heal something, And even if it couldn't happen overnight, they were trying, Charlie knew they would make it, Lucifer... he could only hope so.

But after that charlie decided to left the room to let her father get ready, she also had too many things to do, time was against her and she wasn't going to waste it.

-Well.. see ya!

She said goodbye with her hand, while her father did it in the same way, Once she was outside, the angel walked slowly to his closet, looking for something more casual, but ended up wearing his usual outfit but without his white jacket, he rolled up his sleeves and headed to the bathroom to fix his hair, he saw himself in the mirror for a moment, a wave of melancholy drowning him for a few moments, He saw himself worn out, tired.

He washed his face with cold water as an attempt to wash away the draining thoughts, it just... everything used to be so simple for him, at least sometimes... He left the bathroom and opened a window in his room, looking to breathe something other than his own self-loathing, A burst of sulfur aroma was what he found, he sighed, At this moment he missed the aroma of fruit and freshly wet grass... he may not be missing the regime of heaven but... that garden and it's smells sure were something else

He realized that he had gotten quite lost in thought, so he washed his face one last time Seeking to return to reality, and avoiding the hassle of seeing so many faces at the reception... he opened a golden portal under his feet that left him at the exit of the hotel, now he only had to...

walk.

Lovely.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•

-WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT.

A demon twice his size was shouting at him in the middle of the street, the lamb-like demon had bruises he was bleeding and holding the demon's hand that grabbed him by the neck while lifting him off the floor, he didn't seem scared, in fact he didn't feel the slightest bit of fear despite the dangerous situation he found himself in, as if he believed that at any moment one of his exterminators would arrive and take him out of there, or simply as if it didn't enter his head that he wasn't untouchable.

-F-FUCK YOU.. YOU.. FUCKING PUSSY!

He tried to get free even with less oxygen than required, he increasingly gained strength to kick his attacker into the pit of his stomach, leaving him breathless momentarily and falling to the ground, he took a deep breath and before the opponent could notice Adam was half a block away, he may have been out of shape, but he managed to ran into an alley and lean against the wall, while he saw the idiot run past him.

-SHIT- FUCKING- DAMN IT!

He dropped to the floor sliding down the wall, wiped the blood from his nose, then saw the blood on his hand..

Red.

His blood was... Red. Did he feel.. anger? No.. sadness? Of course not.. he was not a pussy.. He felt... To hell with what he felt all this was bullshit and he shouldn't be going through this! He shouldn't be here! He Should not.. he shouldn't be here...he was the first man...God's most beautiful creation! Fuck..he couldn't be rotting in this shit hole together with all these pieces of shit! They all came from him. where is his respect..

Interrupting his internal monologue bar existential crisis, he heard footsteps and unconsciously clung to the wall with his new claws, since he had arrived he had already escaped from five guys who were looking to kick his ass, perhaps a sixth could be avoided.

Humming a catchy melody, a familiar face passed by looking for something, looked at a sheet of paper, then at the shops, Then he approached the window of the establishment and stuck a flyer on it, without realizing the stare he had on him, Although of course, many people had looked at him since he left the hotel, he had had to send a couple flying, so it wasn't something especially peculiar

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

of all the habitants of hell... IT SHOULD BE FUCKING LUCIFER THE FIRST FAMILIAR FACE HE SEES?! This day, this place and all of this it's nothing but a stupid damn joke!

What the fuck is he doing? Hanging ruffles? Last time he tried to sell him that he was such a big deal, what was he doing hanging fucking pamphlets in the disgusting streets full of shit?

The gaze that Lucifer felt on his shoulder felt heavier and heavier, when he looked out of the corner of his eye he noticed a sinner looking towards the flyer he puted on the glass, and an idea crossed his mind, what would be better than advertising the hotel? Well, make it work of course! He could do this, it was just... talking to a stranger! Perfect, and the bad thing was that... he had to talk to a stranger. come on morningstar! For your daughter's approval!

-Heey you.

They both remained in total silence, panic could be seen on Adam's face, had he recognized him? It seemed like no... everything pointed to no, but that didn't stop his brain from wanting to run away and leave him alone in that moment, Lucifer had an ackward face and it shows in the way his eye twitched that he regretted his decision ever since the words left his mouth, but there was no way to take it back now, meanwhile Adam considered the possibility of just running away.

-I see you... watching from there! You can... read it. You know.. it's a pamphlet. They are for... reading-

He could easily smash his hand against his face in an exaggerated way, but this wasn't the time for that, if he brought a guest to the hotel today Charlie would be so happy! he can do it, it was like selling, It's not that he knew how to sell things... but how hard could it be

Meanwhile Adam looked at him with a disappointed face, his communication skills were as deplorable as they had always been, but he glanced at the pamphlet, of course, their fifth class hotel.

-It has everything! You should tell every person you see in hell about it.

Adam's disgusted face spoke for him, while Lucifer sighed, obviously it wouldn't be that easy to bring someone to the hotel in one day, but for Adam everything was going wonderfully since at least he didn't know it was him.

The feeling did not last too long, as he felt a figure forming behind him, heat emanating from near his back, the lamb-like demon feared the worst, and unfortunately he was right.

-To claim to be the first dick you are quite the pussy.

Said a demon behind him, twice his size, Shark-like, It was the guy from before for sure, shit-

-wait. what was that first thing you said?

before the words had a chance to come out of the angel's mouth in their entirety, He felt a gust of wind pass by him but as far as he was concerned, the wind doesn't scream.

As he turned around at the speed of the wind itself, he could briefly see his future guest crashing into the brick wall at the hands of the stupid demon who had interrupted his negotiation attempt, in a moment six wings came out angelically from the sovereign's back to place himself just in time between the two demons with a flutter of his wings, whit one hand he stoped the inevitable punch destined to hit Adam's face.

-Nobody taught you not get into the grown up's conversations... right?

He said this while a grin formed in his face, showing sharp teeth which this guy would remember all his life, Lucifer released the guy's fist to hold his wrist and with a twist of his hip he easily sent him to the other side of the pentagram.

-now. where did you get that phrase from?

When the angel looked behind him he could see nothing more and nothing less than two hooves walking away two meters away

-Shit shit shit shit shit SHIT!

Although Adam's intention was to lose sight of the small man following him, when he looked back all he could see was his imminent arrival to the ground, receiving a tackle from Lucifer, they both fell rolling around as if they were two little children fighting in the school garden

-SPEAK FILTHY CREATURE

He demanded, standing on top of the lamb, despite it being half his size and looking humorous, the truth is that Adam couldn't get out of his grip no matter how hard he tried.

-STOP BEING SO DAMN DENSE BITCH!

Oh God. He recognized that voice, he recognized that stupid self-nickname, and worst of all, he recognized that stupid tantrum.

-how the hell. are you here rigth now.

-Why should I say that to you, huh?!

-maybe because YOU DON'T HAVE ANOTHER OPTION?! MAYBE??

Both continued to struggle with each other, one to escape and one to have answers. Lucifer was afraid of letting him escape and that he could cause some trouble, although thinking about it carefully... he looked at his lamb's ears, his hooves, his eyes and his teeth... now he was a simple sinner, There wasn't much he could accomplish even if he tried, he'd probably be screwed, he may already had taked a few beatings even.

-Well, I have no idea! I hope that helps sucker!

He said and spit in his face, something he didn't thought about properly, or didn't thought about at all, The ruler's face was irritated, as if he were putting up with a spoiled child, well... that's practically what he's doing.

-That's all, Let's go.

He cleaned his face whit his sleve and grabbed him by the collar of his clothes and began to drag him along the sidewalk, he had an exhausted expression as if he didn't have what it took to face this situation today, although he probably wouldn't any day.

-the FUCK. ARE YOU DOING?!

He said, fluttering his black wings everywhere, managing to irritate Lucifer by obstructing his vision, forcing him to stop, to which he grunted in annoyance.

-Well. taking care of you! What else am I supposed to do! It's what I should always do! because it seems like your entire existence is made to cause me problems!

Adam's gaze could be nothing but anger, he struggled away from Lucifer's grasp, which was curious to see due to the difference in sizes, once free he turned around to look at him from the front

- YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, I WAS MADE TO BE FUCKING PERFECT! YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT.

-If you were as perfect as you say, how do you explain this eh! How do you think this happened?! You are not in this putrid pit for being the dick of the dicks PAL!

The lamb growled in exasperation as he stamped on the ground with his right hoof, after pulling his hair looking to escape from his angryness he lookef at the little one in the eye.

- IF I DON'T CARE, WHY THE FUCK SHOULD YOU CARE, YOU PIECE OF CRAP!

He felt a lump in his throat, but not as painful as the lump in the throat of the king of hell himself, Why should he care? Why the fuck should he care??

-Oh then i saw You die a fucking WEEK AGO. and You expect me to see that You are alive and let you wander through hell knowing that any demon is out there KICKING YOUR FUCKING ASS?! A THANK YOU WAS ENOUGH!

Lucifer screamed as his eyes turned from yellow to red from how infuriating he found having to argue with this idiot, he was never particularly reasonable but right now he was more irritable than normal and had no idea why

- THANK YOU?! OH SURE THEN YOU THINK YOU CAN TREAT ME LIKE A CHARITY CASE FOR YOUR BRAT'S SHITTY HOTEL HUH!? Well I have news for you DUDE!

Adam He kicked dirt from the street, dirtying Lucifer's clothes, who coughed in response to the cloud of dust

-im not your fucking guinea pig.

He narrowed his gaze in disgust, looking down literally and metaphorically at his contrary.

-Are you allergic to kindness? or why is it that you can't accept a fucking favor!?

Adam's Contemptuous face became one of intense anger and he took a step forward and brought his face closer to the angel's.

-from YOU? Of course. Good joke.

Lucifer had enough, he wouldn't wait to know where this reunion could go, It's not even worth wasting his breath on... Adam. Or at least that's what he thought.

-you know what? It's fine with me. It's not like you're not used to everyone leaving you, stay like that, as always, stay alone.

The king shook his clothes to remove the dirt, with one hand he snapped his fingers and as he arrived he left, Adam was left with an unreadable expression, he didn't move from there, he just stood there.

still and quiet.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

The golden portal opened above the hotel's front door, since he had avoided greeting people in the morning he assumed he could say hello in the aftern.. nigth, it was nigth.

Well, anyways, he would greet them at night then.

Opening the door abruptly without worrying about whether it was timely or not, he stepped into the hall.

-HEELLOOO everyone! How does the night treat you all?

From there you could easily see the bartender behind the bar along with the little maid sitting at the bar playing with some dead bug, on the sofa lay their most exotic guest and a certain deer showed no signs of being close, much to the king's liking.

-we have been better short king, But nothing that a drink can't fix, rigth wiskers?

The feline rolled his eyes but smiled at the end, and began to mix different liquids, When he looked in the direction the king was his eyes widened in surprise

- wow. It looks like you were hited by a truck.

Angel Dust looked in the same direction realizing what the bartender was referring to, It really looked like they had made him crawl on the floor, well, in fact something like that happened-

- someone played too rough whit ya~?

Husk put his palm to his face as Nifty leaned over the bar counter

- I like rough.

She said, sketching a sinister smile, to which Lucifer reacted with a certain degree of displeasure, and Husk put a donut from the bar counter in her mouth to make her shut up for a little bit

- umh.. rigth. Well no, I wasn't hit by a truck, and no! Neither, the other thing. I just ran into a few issues. Nothing to worry about.

While this small exchange of words was going on, footsteps could be heard in the distance approaching faster and faster, ending with a hug from behind to Lucifer's surprise.

-DAD! What happened? It took you hours to come back!

-Oh come on, come on... it's nothing at all! A few small issues, a few hours! But everything is fine now.

While the angel convinced Charlie that it was nothing, sounds of static reached everyone's ears, covering them in the act, everyone anticipated the arrival of you-know-who, it was nothing new for him to arrive in such a dramatic way, especially if the king was there prior to his arrival

-How interesting... I would swear it would take more than a few small matters to delay the big boss.. a couple hours.

The one who had just arrived in the room exclaimed very arrogantly, with a smile from ear to ear per usual , Charlie watched him appear on the spot and waved happily, only to receive a greeting from the deer-like demon in return.

-oh oh oh If you only knew You little shit.

Lucifer smiled evilly knowing that if Alastor ran into Adam again the last thing he would do would be act with that arrogance so characteristic of his

-Honey there is someone at the door.

Vaggie entered the room and to the conversation to warn her girlfriend about the presence of someone outside, so charlie left the two old men arguing to answer the door

-Oh but tell us your highness, what were these "issues" then.

-Nothing that your walnut-sized brain can understand piece of-

Two brown hooves entered, stepping on the red carpet that covered the hotel's entrance hall, to which Charlie said very excitedly and taking small jumps until they reached the area where everyone was, her girl on one side of the stranger and her on the remaining side.

Lucifer's sight changed from being fixed on Alastor to seeing the newcomer and although the king was already prepared to smile at the person to receive them, when he looked at him carefully, the only thing that came out of his mouth was..

-FU- ADAM?! THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE.

When everyone heard who he was talking about, they stayed cold and glued to the floor. With his new demonic form, no one would have guessed that it was the leader of the exorcists in person, or rather... in demon.

-ADAM?!

-adam??

-THAT ADAM?!

-OH OH estás muerto CABRON!

-Mhhh..

After the domino reaction Adam with lowered ears tried to talk keeping his dignity and pride, not very successfully, with a stupid smile on his face he speak

-heey bitchees.. so.. what's for dinner?

You could swear there was the sound of a cane breaking in the background followed by a static sound.

[nowoyas]

koi no yokan 15: flip your futon (nishinoya yuu/reader)

First - Prev - Next - M.list - Ao3

A/N: housekeeping! it is the week of noya's birthday! as such, update schedule for the week is as follows:

monday, 10/7: koi no yokan

tuesday, 10/8: koi no yokan

wednesday, 10/9: vespertine (cat hybrid au)

thursday, 10/10: noya's birthday! koi no yokan spinoff oneshot.

after that, regular updates will resume according to the normal schedule. spinoff chapter takes place during the events of the 10/8 update, hence the schedule being so packed. happy noya week! <3

Summary: Worry reaches a peak, so you send Noya to check on your house for you.

Warnings: blanket series warnings

Words: ~3800

"You've got a grumpy look on your face."

"I'm not grumpy," you reply firmly.

You're laid up in the guest futon on Noya's floor again, Soba having curled up on your pillow next to your head. She's purring loudly, making it hard to hear Noya even though he's on his own futon barely two meters away.

"You look grumpy."

"I'm not."

"Then what are you? If your head's hurting again, you should put the phone down."

"My head's not hurting, either."

You peer past your phone at him. He's giving you that damn unimpressed look that you've come to understand means something like I don't buy a word out of your mouth.

"It's really not," you sigh. "I'm just… the house is a mess. I need to clean it. If I leave the trash there until I'm well enough to take it out, it's gonna attract bugs, and you know how buggy the summer gets. But your mom wouldn't let me do more than freeze the curry and grab overnight stuff. And I'm sure it'll be fine if, like, I don't do laundry for a bit, but for how long? Otoo-san doesn't do any cleaning, he just fills up the trash with convenience store bentos that he usually didn't eat all of. He throws out a lot of food scraps. So they're gonna mold, too, and they could attract mice. And there were dishes I left for after school because I was running late that are gonna get gross. And—I dunno. I can't stop thinking about coming back and the place is basically destroyed because I'm not there to make sure everything's clean and neat. Otoo-san never hangs up or flips his futon, either, and he doesn't wipe down the tatami or vacuum at all. He's gonna get mites, and—"

"[name]-san, you're way overthinking it."

"If I don't think about it, no one else will," you grumble.

He hums thoughtfully. "Want me to head over and check on it after practice tomorrow? I'll run your trash and do your dishes for you."

"You don't have to—"

"Would it help you if I did?"

It would. It would help a lot.

You nod, but the thought doesn't soothe you. "Yeah. Thanks."

He studies your face with narrowed eyes. "Something else is bothering you."

"Will you stop being so observant? It's freaking me out."

"Nope. What is it?"

"…can we not talk about it?" you ask after a long moment, voice small. To your own ears, it's lost in Soba's insistent purring.

Noya watches you for a moment, then reaches out a hand. "Alright. But I'm here, okay? Whenever you wanna talk about it, I'm here."

The thought comforts you more than you'd like to admit.

You stare at his outstretched hand for the longest time, debating whether or not to take it. When you do, it's long after he seems to have fallen asleep, delicate fingertips crawling out to rest on his palm.

~

Hiro doesn't know what to do with himself on weekends.

He hates being able to think. He works as much as he can to keep his mind off the reality of the situation. After two years of getting away with overtime every weekend and coming into the office even on his days off, he tells himself he's building a good nest egg for you. You'll be able to afford any college in the country. Abroad, even, if that's what you want. Last he checked, you were loving school. Surely you'll want to go to college. He drinks, too, but you'll be able to eat as much as you want or need, and never want for anything. It's the least he can do for you.

And after two years of this, his boss finally told him, in no uncertain terms—go home, [surname]-kun. I'm sure your daughter misses you, and you need a break.

His daughter isn't even here. He assumes you're at your club activities—tennis, wasn't it? He'd never taken you for the type to be interested in sports in the first place. A stronger man would ask you about it. Express any sort of interest. A better father might actually know where you are.

He can't bring himself to sit on the couch. Can't bring himself to do more than stand in the living room, open beer in hand, staring blankly at the TV. It's on some sports match, fittingly enough, but he's hardly paying attention enough to even be able to tell you what sport's on the screen. In his periphery, the butsudan looms.³⁰ You've been maintaining it in silence—he catches a flash of orange and yellow on the shelf next to Tomoko's picture. A bowl of fruit laid out for her. She always loved citrus.

He can't do this. Can't be here. Needs to find an open bar or—or somewhere else to go. He shuts off the TV, moves to grab his wallet and storm out, but he freezes in the middle of the hallway at the sight of a strange boy with weird hair kicking off his shoes and setting down his bag in the genkan.

"Who the hell are you?" he demands.

The boy meets his eyes, confusion quickly giving way to a harsh glare as he stands to his full height, which isn't much. He's bruised all over, fingers on one of his hands taped, and looks ready for a fight. "[name]-san's friend. She asked me to check on the house for her."

"She did? You don't seem like someone she'd hang out with."

The boy seems unbothered, sets down a few things carefully on the side table—a stuffed bear wearing a hoodie, an envelope with your name on it in messy handwriting, and a plastic bag with another paper bag sticking out of it. "Yeah, well you don't really seem like her father, so…"

Oh, he's a fucking brat, then. Got it. "Too bad for you, I am. Any reason you can give me to believe you actually know my daughter?"

The boy pauses, rolls his eyes. Pulls out his phone, to his recent texts, and holds it out to show Hiro the screen. There's your name as the contact name, followed by a half-cut off picture of you, asleep with a random cat curled up next to your head. Your expression is peaceful, but the state of your face makes his heart drop into his stomach: a split lip, a large, colorful bruise curving across your cheek.

???: morning soba ft. my favorite girl

[name]: these cat photos are getting weirdly specific

[name]: she didn't even get up for breakfast this morning???

???: nah. I left it downstairs for her, but she's really worried about you

[name]: she's so sweet omf

[name]: before I forget/go back to sleep—the spare key is in the pot next to the front door

[name]: thanks again for checking on things for me, senpai 

Hiro's eyes flick between the screen and the boy's unimpressed face for a few moments, non-comprehending. He doesn't even seem embarrassed to show off that he's sending you photos of yourself, sleeping. If anything, he looks almost proud of it.

He tries to tamp down a bit of the indignant anger. Just what the hell are you getting into behind his back?

"Alright. What's your relationship with her?"

"Isn't it obvious?" the boy sneers, pocketing his phone and brushing past Hiro—into his house!

"So, what, you expect me to believe that my daughter is going out with random delinquents and giving them our spare key?"

"I'm not a delinquent, old man," the delinquent snaps. "I'm the guy taking care of your daughter while she's hurt." He disappears into the kitchen and returns a moment later with the near-overflowing trash bag. He's clearly been here before. How many times has this boy been in his house? What kind of shit has he done to you?

"Since when? What the hell happened to her face?" Hiro demands. His mouth feels dry. "If I find out that you—"

"Got hit at practice. Took a volleyball right to her face."

A volleyball. He swore it was tennis.

It explains the gifts your… friend… set on the side table—classic "get well soon" paraphernalia. It doesn't exactly explain why that demands you sleep in a strange boy's house.

"No one called me about my daughter getting hurt."

He levels a look at Hiro, securing the knot on the bag and kicking into his shoes. "You were busy. Okaa-san took care of it."

He slams the door behind him to take the trash up the street, and Hiro leans against the wall, stomach twisting. The boy returns a few moments later, completely ignoring him to return to the kitchen. After a moment, Hiro listens to the sound of running water and clinking plates—he's doing the dishes.

Hiro meanders down the hall to watch him, just as he swears and untapes his fingers to get back to work.

"You don't have to watch me," the boy says as he returns to dishes. "I'll handle the chores she was getting anxious over you not doing while she was gone and be out of your hair soon."

Hiro doesn't respond. He just watches him work—rinse dish, scrub dish, wipe dry, like he's not standing in a stranger's kitchen and insulting him.

"How… how's she doing?"

"Better than she was. Her concussion's improved a lot in a short time. Did you even notice she was gone?"

Again he doesn't have anything to say to that. He tells himself it doesn't hurt—his daughter injured, and no one told him. "…when was she hurt?"

"She hasn't been here in three days."

Three days. You haven't been home in three days.

"You really didn't notice? Holy shit. No wonder she's so damn lonely."

His temper flares. "Now, you listen—"

"Don't worry. She smiles around me. It takes a little work, but I got her."

"I don't have to take this shit from some kid who's never lost his wife."

He puts down the last plate with a loud clank, hard enough that Hiro thinks it might crack. "Yeah, well, your daughter lost both her parents, from what I can tell, so tough shit." He shoves past, finds his way back to the front door, kicking his shoes on and collecting his things. Before he leaves, he pauses, glaring back over his shoulder. "[name]-san said to air out your futon and vacuum the tatami in your room. She's worried you're gonna get mites."

The kid slams the door when he leaves. Hiro slides to the floor and stares at nothing at all.

~

Otoo-san to [name] at 15:46

Otoo-san: hey, kid. can we talk? [message not sent]

~

When Noya comes home, you greet him in sync with Satsuki, who you've been watching play games in the living room for the past few hours. When watching got painful, you stared at the ceiling instead and listened. He finds you sprawled across an armchair, legs over the side, with Soba purring in your lap. You don't open your eyes when he wanders into the room.

"How was practice?" you ask, stroking Soba's head.

"Not bad. Totally jammed one of my fingers, so I didn't get to spend as much time as I wanted working on that set."

"What? Are you okay?" You open one eye. He's standing over you, arms full of things, and you raise an eyebrow. "…what's with the stuff?"

"All gifts for a beloved injured manager," he says with an easy grin. He slides into the seat adjacent from your armchair, rifles through the shit in his arms until he frees up hands enough to start giving you things. To start with: a little stuffed bear and an envelope. "The card's from the whole team; the bear's from Shouyo. He feels really bad about your head."

You huff. The bear's soft. It was a nice gesture, albeit totally unnecessary. You take a picture, send it to Hinata.

[name] to Hinata at 15:38

[name]: [image attached. Image description: a gray stuffed bear in a black hoodie, being held to balance on top of, ostensibly, your knees. In the background, Noya can be seen talking, wide grin on his face.]

[name]: I can't handle much more screens right now so I won't see it if you respond, but Noya-senpai says this was you

[name]: thanks :)

"And then I grabbed this for you when the guys and I stopped," Noya says when you set your phone down, passing a plastic bag containing another paper bag inside it over to you.

"You didn't have to get me anything," you say with a smile as you reach inside. One still-warm nikuman, delicious when you bite into it.

"It's fine, it's fine! Just some get-well-soon gifts for my favorite manager."

You roll your eyes. "Uh-huh. Last I heard, Shimizu-senpai is in immaculate condition. But… thanks."

He slips into the kitchen, rummaging for something as you polish off the nikuman. "How's the head?" he calls.

"Mostly fine! Still getting headaches if I look at screens too long, and I've got even less energy than normal but at least I don't feel like my brain's gonna explode if the noise gets too loud, and I'm barely getting nauseous or dizzy anymore. I'll probably be able to go home soon."

You open the card, unable to suppress your smile as you read it. Everyone, even Coach Ukai and Takeda, signed it, wishing you a fast recovery. (Noya included a little message that he capped off with, of course, a post-script asking for your hand in marriage when you're recovered. You privately tick up the number in your head and elect not to acknowledge it.) You can almost imagine someone holding Tsukishima down until he, too, signed the card, a thought which makes you giggle.

"You can stay as long as you want to. There's no rush." Noya says as he wanders back into the room with a first aid kit. "What are you giggling about?"

"Who threatened Tsukishima-san to make him sign?"

He laughs. "He tried to do his usual pretending-not-to-care thing and I think literally everyone got ready to fight him."

"I kinda think he's the type that's actually nice to girls," you snicker. "You should've seen him when Yachi-san was crying over the disaster duo's exam scores. Anyway, I don't wanna impose, so I'm not gonna stay forever or anything."

"Actually, I'm for you staying," Satsuki interrupts with a raise of her hand. "School's out for the summer, and Yuu's gonna be at practice like, all day or something, so we've got tons of time to have hot makeout sessions on the couch."

You let out a startled laugh. "Sure, sure, I'm down."

"I'm going to disown you," Noya says. He's struggling to find something in the first aid kit.

You sit up, set aside the card and bear as best you can without jostling Soba. She gets up and leaves anyway, and you pout after her. "Lemme see. Which finger was it?"

"It's fine! Just gotta re-tape it now that I'm done handling things at your place."

You level a stern look at him and hold out a hand. He obediently places the roll of medical tape in your waiting palm, then holds out the jammed hand. Immediately, you set down the tape and begin prodding at his hand with both of yours. "This one?" you ask, poking at where you think you see a little bit of swelling. He nods, so you move to messing with it a little. "Does this hurt at all?"

He shakes his head. "Not really, no."

"Thanks again for checking on the house. It's still standing and everything, right?"

"Your dishes are all clean and drying, and the trash is out, bag replaced. I put your key back where you told me, and the door is locked."

"Simp," Satsuki scoffs, not looking away from her game.

"That's simp with dibs to you," he corrects swiftly.

You bite back a laugh. "Bend your finger for me?" He obeys, curling and uncurling the finger slowly. "How's that feel?"

"A little stiff, a little sore. I have to really think about it to get it to move, but it doesn't hurt any more than when it's not moving."

You hum thoughtfully and begin to carefully tape his fingers. "Well, it really is just jammed. You're gonna rest that hand tonight and take it easy tomorrow."

"But—"

You shoot him a firm look. He closes his mouth in an instant.

"…why are you so good at this, anyway? This feels way more comfortable than when Chikara taped it for me earlier."

You shrug. "I got into a lot of fights last year. No one else was gonna patch me up, so…"

"I like you better every time you open your mouth," Satsuki comments.

Noya rolls his eyes. "Whatever you do, don't encourage her."

"I'll encourage her if I want to," you shoot back with a teasing grin. "Nix the hot makeout session, let's get in a fistfight."

"Don't you even joke about that. You still have a concussion, missy," he lectures.

You raise an eyebrow. "Seriously. Go back to, like, flying leaps and steamrolling people. This responsible kick is weird."

"I'll go back to normal when that bruise on your face fades."

"Ugh, fine. We'll make out instead—"

He bats at your hand. "Stop that."

"Fine, fine…" You sigh dramatically and tear the tape, smoothing down the end. "You're all set. Thanks again for checking on the house for me."

"Thanks for taping me up. You know, if you're looking for a husband—"

"Nine thirty-five, and take care of your hand like I told you to, and I'll think about it. And yes, that number's including the card."

"Deal," he says.

Satsuki sets aside the controller, rolling her eyes. "You two are disgusting. I'm going to the bathroom. Please stop being cute before I get back."

"She does not stop being cute. Ever, in fact," Noya replies immediately. "I don't think it's happening."

It's your turn to roll your eyes. Once Satsuki's left, you bite your lip nervously. "Actually, uh, Senpai? Everything was like… really really okay, right? No notes from Otoo-san or anything?"

He clears his throat. "Actually, about that?"

"What about it?" Your blood ices a little.

"I met him, actually? He was home."

"He—what? You what?"

"He was unexpectedly kinda protective of you. I had to prove to him that I didn't break in and you asked me to come, and then he was going on about how do you expect me to believe my daughter's getting mixed up with delinquents like you and whatever."

You blink, noncomprehending. "He thought you were a delinquent?"

"I might not have been the most polite. In my defense, I could have punched him and didn't, so all things considered, I was good."

"Yeah, that—no offense, that makes sense from you. What did you tell him?"

"I showed him the text where you told me where the spare key was and thanked me for checking on things for you. I didn't give him a ton of details, but I did tell him you got hurt at practice and were staying at my place."

"Did… did he…" You chew your lip nervously, feeling suddenly tiny. "Y-you know. Did he notice?"

You're afraid to look at Noya's expression. If you don't, he might be able to get away with lying about it.

He gets up and pulls you into a hug. "If it helps, I ripped him a new one for it. And told him to flip his futon because you were worried."

Your bottom lip quivers something awful. "It—it does. Maybe. I don't—I don't—"

No amount of willpower stops the tears from coming when they start. Noya shushes you gently. "C'mon, you don't wanna cry down here. Let's get you upstairs."

You let him take you back to his room, let him hold you in the middle of the floor because the futons are both airing out. "I hate him," you sob. "I fucking hate him. This is what I was so—so damn worried about—"

"I know," he murmurs in reply. "I'm so sorry."

"I—" You start, then pause, swallowing down a few tears before you can start again. "Do you think it's really okay if I stay a little longer? I just—I don't want to go home."

"Of course," he says immediately. "As long as you want. You can ask Okaa-san, too, if you're worried, but my sisters love you, you know? No one's gonna be mad if you stay."

You sniffle. Hide your face in his neck. "Thanks. Thank you."

"Didn't even need to ask. We do actually want you here. It's not an obligation thing. You know that, right?"

"Look at my family and ask me that again."

He winces. "Point taken."

"Are you sure I can't get in a fight with Satsuki?" you mumble. "I wanna hit something."

"No fighting. If you try, I'm gonna hug you and I'm not gonna let go no matter how embarrassed you get."

"Then, can we head back downstairs?" you ask meekly. "I don't—I—I need a distraction. I don't wanna think."

"Of course. You wanna hang out until you're calmed down? I'm a great distraction."

You shake your head. "I wanna watch Satsuki-nee kill stuff."

He laughs. "Alright. Let's go watch her kill things."

Footnotes

30. Butsudan - a Buddhist altar often set up in Japanese homes for the purposes of home observance and honoring deceased family members. Depending on the area, anywhere from 60% of homes in urban areas to nearly 90% of homes in rural areas of Japan contain a butsudan of some sort. They can be as fancy as an ornate golden cabinet or just made of finished wood. Strictly speaking, they usually contain some sort of Buddhist icon, depending on the particular sect of Buddhism the family follows, and it's not technically correct to place photos or things like certificates and trophies inside, but I mean, my church growing up wasn't "technically correct" for having services with a live rock band and bagels on Sundays and the layman's practice is often different from the "correct" way to practice, so many homes tend to do so. I don't have the Reader character's family as being super generally observant, so in this case, the butsudan exists solely as an altar to honor Tomoko. For more information, see this Wikipedia article and this article from Tofugu.

Tags: @deeplightgarden @idonthaveanameideayet @dusstory @kazunish

[sergeantsporks]

It really weirds me out to see mean!Vee.

She morphed from "creepy!Luz" to "scared child just trying to survive" virtually overnight after Yesterday's Lie aired. The fandom literally went from wanting to kill her with fire to wanting to wrap her up in a warm blanket!!!!

Did the mean!Vee fans miss that or something?!? Because Vee does not have a single mean bone in her body. Like, at all. Her depiction in the show itself made that abundantly clear.

If people want a "mean" basilisk character, why not just use the other basilisks?!?

We know nothing about them. They're complete blank slates that anyone can characterize as they see fit. Hell, the first basilisk we ever met does seem like a "Snarl snarl, Ima gonna kill all the witches because they created me only to abuse me." type of character.

Why is it always poor Vee?!?

I think it's because she WILL be brutally honest with her feelings and observations? Like, the way she delivered her "you had it so good with a mother who loved you" monologue to Luz CAN seem mean because we as the audience know about the struggles Luz was having at home, and that she had good reason not to be happy, and that her running away wasn't supposed to be permanent.

But it's also not mean because yeah, next to "I was made in a lab and tortured my whole life and I ran away, but I was hunted down and lost all of my friends/family and now this is my only sanctuary and the first time in my life I've ever been loved," Luz's bullying problems at the time DO seem pretty small.

You can read the scene as really mean because Vee didn't know the full of what Luz was going through and made an unfair snap judgement of her. Or you can read it as Luz is the bad guy here because she doesn't actually have much to complain about. Or you can read it as "this is a complex situation where both parties are people with very different thoughts and experiences, and both are valid, even if they don't match up." And I think people discard the second opinion completely (as they should) and they either take the third reading, or they take the first reading, and if you go the "mean Vee" route, it's because you took the first reading.

Vee's a character you can't really break down to "She's mean" or "she's nice" because she has genuine moments of both, but the "mean" moments usually spawn from being honest with how she feels and what she sees, and it sometimes comes across a little mean. Which is fine, as long as you remember that she isn't "mean" without a purpose. She's not just "mean," she's usually coming from somewhere that's very truthful and speaks to a real flaw of the character and it's just a hard truth to hear. So I don't think "Vee's as sweet as pie all the time" depictions are great either, but I DEFINITELY don't think "Vee's mean and rude all the time" depictions are accurate to her character.

[killiansprincss]

TIMELESS A CAPTAIN SWAN AU - CHAPTER 6/19

Summary: Season 3 divergence - When Zelenas time portal works, Henry wakes up alone in Storybrooke and must travel to the Enchanted Forest to get his family back. Only once he gets there he quickly realises its not like the one in his book, theres no Evil Queen and his mother Emma wasn't put through a wardrobe, theres even a poster inviting the entire kingdom to her engagement ball, to Hook. What will happen once Henry gets them to break this new curse and they get their memories back?

In which every chapter is inspired by a different Taylor Swift song.

Previous chapters

AO3 Link

Just want to send a huge love to everyone who has sent me love on this fic! It means the world that people are seeing and reading the fic that has made me fall back in love with writing! The best it yet to come so please keep reading!!!

_____

CHAPTER 6 - BUT DADDY I LOVE HIM

Now I'm running with my dress unbuttoned

Screaming "But Daddy I love him!"

I'm having his baby

No, I'm not, but you should see your faces

I'm telling him to floor it through the fences

No, I'm not coming to my senses

I know he's crazy but he's the one I want

~~

It had been two weeks since Emma last went to the tavern, since her night with Captain Hook. While it didn't lead to anything more than some flirting while drinking and then fumbled kisses towards the back of the tavern before she had to run back, she missed him. 

Every time she fell asleep her mind wandered to his scruffy face and his piercing blue eyes. They’d promised to meet back in 2 weeks, her parents were away on a diplomatic mission in a kingdom that was a four day journey out of Misthaven. This allowed her to see his ship and stay the night. Truly pretend she wasn’t a princess for a night. 

She had everything planned out. She told her ladies she would be going to bed early as she intended to wake early and go riding, that way they wouldn’t be alarmed when they go to wake her and find her not in her bed. While this wasn’t her first time sneaking out to stay with a man overnight, it was the first time with a Pirate. 

Captain Hook. Most fearsome pirate in all the lands. Supposedly. He was anything but fearsome. Sure a little cocky and arrogant, but not fearsome. He made her smile and laugh more than she had in a while. Emma had no clue what was going to happen tonight, but she didn’t care, as long as she got to see him again. 

When she gets to the tavern where they agreed to meet, Emma is practically shaking with nerves. Why was she so nervous? She orders a drink and sits at her usual table, waiting and waiting for the Pirate. 

“Swan. You came back?” Emma looks up to find the Pirate grinning at her. 

“You came.” She was so worried he wouldn’t come, that he would forget about her, but here he is standing in front of her in his Pirate leathers and a smile that makes her feel warm inside. 

“Of course I came back, I wouldn’t forget about you that easy Swan.” He tells her with a smirk on his face. “I couldn’t let a lady drink alone now could I?” 

The Pirate and the Princess. Who would’ve thought? But Emma didn’t care. What people at the Castle would think was the last thing on her mind right now.

That night was an incredible night. The famous Jolly Roger fastest ship in all the realms wasn’t Emma’s first choice to make love but it was better than an alley behind the tavern. 

Pirates had reputations. And Emma wasn’t so sure what to expect, she was used to casual fucking behind the tavern or bent over in the servants kitchens when nobody was around. It had been quick and only slightly pleasurable, more uncomfortable because of the awkward spaces and the fear of getting caught. But it was a totally different experience.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want.” He says as they enter his quarters, it was small but still large enough to host a bed and a desk. He was being a gentleman, but tonight she didn’t want a gentleman.

“I want you.” She tells him, grabbing him by the lapels of his coat and kissing him hungrily the way she had been imagining for the past 2 weeks. No man had ever kissed her like this, with such passion, no man had made her moan as his lips travel up her neck, biting that spot behind her ear. 

They had no fear of getting caught, Hook had told his men not to bother their captain. They had all the time in the world to slowly explore one another’s bodies. It was passionate, hungry and nothing like Emma had experienced before. Every night for 2 weeks she saw his face as she touched herself imagining what it would be like when it was his fingers instead of her own. 

That night, and the next few nights with Hook was just like she always imagined sex would be. Passionate and hungry for more. It’s like he knew exactly what to do with her body and what touches would make her moan and scream his name over and over again. She was never going back to fucking behind an alley with a stranger again now she knew Hook and how he made her feel.

____

5 years pass by in the blink of an eye and suddenly Princess Emma of Misthaven is in love with the infamous Pirate Captain. Of course nobody knows besides the two of them. Merlin forbid if her parents found out, they would kill her. And him.

Neither planned for it to turn into a secret relationship. But time passed and their feelings for one another only grew deeper. Hook couldn’t believe it either, the last woman Killian Jones loved was Milah and that was over 300 years ago. But Emma made him feel alive again, she didn’t judge him for his past and he felt connected to her in a way he couldn’t explain. 

They tried to stay apart for a while, a pirate and a princess couldn’t be together. But it lasted five days before Emma snuck out to see him. Being apart from him hurt more than anything. It was worth the risk. She loved him and couldn’t imagine loving anyone else even half as much. 

“Run away with me.” Killian whispers one night as he strokes Emma’s hair as she stirs in his arms. 

Emma isn’t sure if she heard him right. “What?”

“Run away with me.” He tells her again. 

Emma turns her body over to face him. “You’re crazy.”

Had she thought about running away before? Of course. But to actually go through with it was another story. 

“Am I?” He asks, looking into her eyes, Emma feels him look into her soul. “I love you, Emma. And as much as I love that you sneak out and risk everything to see me, I don’t want this to go on forever. I want to have you by my side always and parade the market without you having to hide. I want to show you there is a world outside of Misthaven.” 

She wanted that. More than anything. “I can’t. Killian I love you so much, but I can’t.”

“What are you saying?” 

“I’m saying that we can’t run away and be together. It won’t work. I can’t leave everything and run like you can.” They didn’t argue often, but this was serious. 

“Emma, you have been telling me for years that you never wanted this life, that being royal meant nothing to you. Why all of a sudden are you not willing to drop it all when what we have is so good and could be amazing?” 

“Look just because you don’t have any family left doesn’t mean I have to completely let go of mine.” She regretted it as soon as she said it. 

“I think you should go.” He tells her, and she doesn’t argue.

She lies awake that night considering his offer. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, she had no doubt about it. But at the same time, she would be giving up so much. 

She didn’t want to be Queen. Even being a princess was exhausting, it wasn’t the life for her. When she was with Killian she had seen a life she wanted, travelling across the realm and not having to play a role she didn’t know how to do. She was an extension of her parents, couldn’t get too political with the other members of the royal court, couldn’t express her true thoughts or feelings. She didn’t have to bite her tongue around Killian, she could speak freely and joke with his crew. She could walk around the market stalls and talk to people and they had no idea who she was. 

If she were to leave though, would she be able to see her family again? She didn’t want this life but she wanted her family. If she were to have a family with Killian, she would want their child to know its grandparents. 

Emma had been the responsible Princess for years now, she was careful with her steps and tracks with her sneaking around. She had a whole other life that her parents had no idea about. The Emma they thought they knew was nothing like the Emma she truly was.

So she sneaks out again a few nights later, when she is sure it's safe. She didn’t like leaving Killian after an argument, it didn’t feel right. And she had a plan. She would test the waters with her parents. Leave them a note and let Killian show her what he could for 2 weeks before returning. It would show she was serious about this, and serious about her future. When she tells Killian the news, he spins her around and kisses her. She knew this was the right decision.

____

That night she plans on leaving, Emma bids goodnight to her parents insisting she is tired and needs to rest. Instead once she begins to pack a bag. Just a few undergarments, shirts and loose pants she stole from her father a while ago.

“You’re leaving. For good this time.” Emma turns around to find her little brother-well not so little anymore- standing in the fireplace, a secret tunnel between the siblings' rooms. 

It’s not a question, but a statement, he knows. Leo is perceptive, he sees a lot more than people think. 

“The stranger you’ve been courting all these years. Mother and Father won’t allow you to marry him so you’re running away.” Leo was smart, he picked up on Emma’s more frequent running away and he also noticed her more frequently turning down suitors from their parents.  

“Yes.” She admits. She couldn’t lie to her brother. “But it’s not forever. I’ll be back in a few weeks , it’s to prove to mother and father this is what I want.”

“You’re leaving.” Is all Leo can say, Emma can see the hurt in his eyes-she doesn't like hurting him. 

“Leo. In a few years mother and father will step down as rulers of the land, and for years they have been training me and teaching me because I’m the eldest. But here’s the thing, it’s not gonna be me, I don’t care that it’s my birthright. Leo you will be an amazing King one day, I’m certain.”

She wraps her arms around her brother who, despite being ten years younger, was the same height as her. “I love you kid. And I’m not gonna leave you, I’ll still be here-just not in the Castle.” 

“He makes you happy.” Again it’s not a question. “I’ve never seen you happier. I can tell when he’s not around because you’re grumpy and moody but when he’s around you have that sparkle in your eye.” 

Emma can’t help but shed a tear as she wraps her arms around him tighter. 

Handing Leo an envelope, she tells him,” Give mother and father this in a few days. Not right away, let me get a head start first.” 

When Leo is back in his room and her parents are sure to be asleep, Emma climbs down her balcony for the last time and heads down to the docks, to her future. 

____

“Where are the rest of your crew?” Emma asks as she climbs aboard the ship to find it empty apart from Killian waiting for her.

His face lights up when he hears her voice, she’s his forever. “I gave them the night off. I intend to celebrate tonight.”

“And what exactly are we celebrating?” 

“The start of forever.” He says as he takes her hand and brings her closer to him. He takes her bag and tosses it aside. 

Killian gets down on one knee and Emma’s heart begins to race as he pulls out a ring. “Emma. I love you, meeting you all those years ago was the best thing that ever happened to me. Before I met you, there was a hole in my heart and every moment we have spent together has helped heal that hole. I don’t know what is going to happen, if we run away forever or not, but all I know is I want you by my side. Will you marry me?” 

Tears are streaming down Emma’s face, she hadn’t expected this at all. She loved Killian and while the thought of marrying him had crossed her mind a few times, she never expected Killian to actually propose. She can barely get her words out but she does manage to say “yes!” 

Killian slips the ring on her finger as he gets up and takes his fiancées face and kisses her. “I love you so much.” 

Wiping the tears from her face, she admires her ring. “This is your brother's ring, isn’t it?”

Killian nods. “Aye. It’s kept me safe all these years, and now it’s your turn.” 

Killian and Emma spend their first night as a newly engaged couple just wrapped in another’s arms, not quite believing what had happened. But they were happy. Both of them. Happier than they’d been in a long time.

___

Snow and Charming didn’t realise their daughter was missing a few mornings later. Leo didn’t say anything-keeping the promise to his sister. 

“She’s gone.” Leo eventually says, holding the note she gave him.

‘Dearest Mother, Father and Leo.

I must confess I have been hiding a secret for some time. I have been courting someone very important to me for years, and I wish I could have confided in you about it, but I feared the worst.

For you see the man I’ve been courting in secret is a Pirate. And I know what you’re thinking, Princess’ don’t marry Pirates. Well I guess you’re right, which is why I’m abdicating my line of succession. Leopold is the name of a King, and he will be a better ruler than I could ever be. 

I won’t be gone forever. This isn’t a note to say I’m running away and you’ll never see me again-well no it is a note so say I’m running away, but I plan on coming back. Just not as a Princess. 

All my love

Emma ‘

“Did you know about this?” Snow asks her son once they’ve taken in the letter.

Leo shakes his head. “All I knew is she was sneaking off to a tavern, but I had no idea about any of this.” It was a smooth lie, he didn’t know about the Pirate technically until last night.

“Tavern?” David asks. “What Tavern?”

Fuck. He shouldn’t have said anything. “I don’t know, all I know is she came back smelling of whiskey and rum and assumed that’s where she was.”

“The Tavern by the docks, in the village we used to live in.” Snow has practically a lightbulb moment. “I bet that’s where it is. Plus it’s the perfect place for a Pirate to steal her away.” 

The King and Queen send for their carriage almost immediately, wishing they aren’t too late, and Leo wishing they were.

“We’re closed!” A male voice screams from behind the door after David had knocked on it for a fair few minutes.

David knocks on it again, and it opens to reveal a rugged man with a stern face. “I said we’re closed didn’t you h-“ Suddenly the look of realisation hits the man as he apologises. “King David, your highness, I am so sorry. What, uh, what did you need this fine morning?” 

“Wait a second.” Snow interrupts before her husband can say a word, looking intently at the rugged man in front of them, searching for the reason she recognised him. Then it hits her. “Pinocchio?”

The rugged man smiles. “I’m shocked you recognise me, I am no longer made of wood, nor a boy. I go by August now.” 

Snow smiles at him fondly. He and Emma were best friends growing up, neighbours in their village. His father, Geppetto was a carpenter and managed to bring his son made of wood alive with the help of magic. But standing in front of them was no longer that little boy made of wood. No wonder Emma was able to sneak in here without being recognised.

“It’s about Emma. She’s run away. I assume you know her whereabouts.” Snow says, a mix of paranoid mother and Queen in her voice.

“Why don’t you come inside and we can talk.” He tells them, opening the door wide enough so they can squeeze in without him unlocking it properly. 

“Emma first came here about seven years ago.” He begins, pouring some water into a goblet for his King and Queen. “She didn’t know I worked here then, but when she knew I was protecting her identity she would come by every couple of weeks. Growing up we always said we would go to the Tavern together when we were of age, but that never happened so I guess it’s nice we kind of had that experience a few years later than planned.”

“But why?” Snow interrupts, desperate to know if they did something wrong. 

August just shrugs. “I can’t say for certain, but I’m fairly sure she wanted a night of freedom whenever she could get it. A few nights a month where she wasn’t Princess Emma, and didn’t have all these duties and requirements. It’s nothing against the two of you, she just wanted a chance to be normal again.”

“And what of the Pirate she’s run away with?” David asks with a sneer on his face, he’d never liked pirates and the fact his daughter had run off with one made him sick.

August chuckles as he takes a sip of water. “I was wondering when Hook was going to come up.”

“Wait, Hook- As in-“ Snow asks, terrified. 

“Captain Hook. The one and only yes.” 

Snow goes pale. The most fearsome Pirate in all the land, was the man their daughter had run away with?

“If I’m honest I never saw it coming.” August continues. “He has a reputation, but it continued for weeks, then weeks turned into months and months into years. I don’t know much about their relationship but all I know is I have never seen Emma as happy as she has been the past few years.” 

“Where is she?” David asks, worrying they’re too late.

“All the Pirate ships were gone from the harbour this morning, I have no idea where they are, truthfully, I'm sorry.” August couldn’t lie, Snow and David knew this, but it didn’t mean it hurt any less. 

“Do you know when they might be back?” Snow asks, holding back her tears. 

“Could be anywhere from a few weeks to a few months.” August tells them. “Look I know Emma, she won’t be gone forever, I think she wants to prove a point to herself and to you two that she is serious, the moment she’s back I will send word if Emma doesn’t do it herself first.” 

___

The King and Queen wait every day for the word that their daughter has returned but it doesn’t come and evening falls and they wait again. It’s two weeks later they get word from August a large Pirate ship had docked, and sure enough a few hours later Emma returns home. 

Well it’s Emma for sure. But gone was the Princess with her hair braided back into her tiara, now it was wild and in a loose ponytail with a headband gracing her forehead. And no longer was she wearing a gown made from the finest silk, now a white blouse with a brown corset covered her top half with leather pants and a brown belt with a scabbard for a rather large sword across her waist. 

“Hello mother, father, brother.” Emma says, making a point not to curtsey. 

“Emma.” Is all her mother can let out, taking in the sight of her daughter.

“Emma, you look incredible!” Leo blurts out, he knew their parents wouldn’t be happy but he knew his sister and she looked right in this moment.

She wasn’t alone, she was with the Pirate with a Hook in place of his left hand. He stood slightly behind Emma, but there was no doubt they had arrived together. 

The Pirate stepped forward and Emma took his right hand and laced their fingers together and smiled. “Mother, Father. This is Killian, my fiancée.”

“Excuse me, what did you just say?” David jumps up from where he was sitting at this news-his daughter couldn’t be engaged to a Pirate.

But Emma held her ground. “You heard me. We’re engaged to be married. And there is nothing you can do about it.”

“Are you pregnant? Is that what this is about?” He turns towards the pirate his daughter had locked hands with, “Have you impregnated my innocent daughter and come here begging us for permission to marry her so the child isn’t a bastard?”

“I’m not pregnant father. That has nothing to do with my love for him.” Emma was standing her ground, this was what she wanted, she needed to stay strong.

“Oh and you’re sure of that?” David questions, not recognising the woman standing in front of him, she couldn’t be his daughter, she just couldn’t. His baby girl was curious and quesuoned everything, but she wouldn’t hide this from them, 

“You wouldn’t.” Emma scoffs, knowing exactly her fathers next movement. 

“Guards. Take this Pirate away from my family.” David practically spits at the word ‘Pirate’. 

“Grumpy, stand down.” Emma commands, only leading to David telling him to take him away, and they repeat this until the head Dwarf gets very confused.

The other Dwarves come running in, ready to take an order from their King. 

“You can’t tell them to stand down, I thought you weren’t a Princess anymore?” Her father seers. He’s right, and this tells the Dwarfs they can seize the Pirate.

“If you’re taking him, you’re taking me too. We go together.” Emma tells her father.

“Emma, love, don’t worry.” Hook says from behind her, “they can take me, you need to stay here. You know where I’ll be.” With a wink, if they take him to the dungeons he can easily escape. 

The Dwarfs take the Pirate down in shackles and go down to the dungeon, much to Emma’s pleas not to. “What is your plan for me then Father dearest? Keep me prisoner?” I love him, is that such a crime?”

The King doesn’t say anything tot his daughter or even answer her, instead he turns to his son. “Leo, show your sister to her room. I believe the new amendments should be ready.”

Leo goes to object, seeing the pain his sister is clearly in, but his father stops him. “If you want to be a King one day, you shall listen to what your current King has to say.”

Emma doesn’t allow herself to cry in front of her father, he wouldn’t get to her like this. She needed to be strong, and figure out an escape. Her father threw Killian in the dungeon that he managed to get out of once before, he could do it again with ease.

 Am I truly a prisoner in my own room?” Emma comments upon entering her room to see a lock on her window, and extra guards posted right below the balcony.

“I’m sorry Emma. Mother and Father were so worried, I let slip that you would sneak out, it’s my fault.” Her brother says, also seeing the current state of the room for the first time. 

Emma wraps her arms around her little brother. “This is not your fault Leo. And I don’t care that you told them, they were sure to figure it out somehow.”

Emma doesn’t cry until Leo leaves the room and she knows she’s alone. This was meant to be the beginning of the rest of her life, but instead trying to prove she was able to live the life she wanted.

[tiredfoxtf]

From the Notes of Dr. C. Puffy

Dsmp fanfiction. Rated: G. Characters: Captain Puffy, Fundy, Awesamdude (mentioned) Description: We found and transcribed a series of notes from recently declared missing practicing psychologist Dr. C. Puffy. At first we didn't think much of it, but she was putting down on paper some crucial information we couldn't get before. Highly related to missing persons case we are investigating since 2021.

[Transcribed documents were found in Dr. C. Puffy’s office after her disappearance around 17th of January. Attachment to a case 01-12-34-09 of mysterious disappearances. Transcription begins.]

A new patient came in today in what I can only describe as a "mildly concerning" condition. Had a nightmare, a sleepless night, you know, the usual. But something in his face was… off. I can't quite put a pin on what exactly, but it was like he lost a chunk of life overnight. I had him for a couple months, we worked on his family related trauma. He had nightmares before, mostly related to his mother's disappearance, but he never looked like this. Of course I tried to talk with him about it, but he was avoiding the topic like the plague. Which is, notably, very strange coming from him. He never had a problem with cooperation after a couple initial weeks of our sessions. I've put a pin on that and changed the topic. Hopefully, he will be willing to talk next time.

He wasn't, unfortunately. He came in today looking even worse than last time. The "haven't had a good night sleep in a week" type of "worse". The nightmares were reoccurring every night and it was visible. They did numbers on him, he suddenly looked a few years older. I could have sworn there were more white streaks in his red hair. And his eyes… his eyes were so much darker and with those deep eyebags under they seemed even more black. He had hazelnut eyes, they almost seemed yellow sometimes. Now they looked so dark and empty that it was hard to tell where the pupil was. But he still didn't want to talk about what scared him in those nightmares. I prescribed him some sleeping pills.

He stormed into my office mid panic attack today. I do not wish to describe my patients' breakdowns, even for personal notes, but it was the worst breakdown he had in months since we unlocked some of his repressed memories. And boy, it was not pretty. I have no idea how he managed to find my office in this state, but he's lucky he did. Even after his panic was over, he continued to cry. I almost left to get some tea for him and myself, but he gripped my wrist like it was the only thing that kept him from breaking down again. It probably was. I didn't ask about the nightmares today, because, well, obvious reasons. He did talk about that fear he got recently about being followed. He said that he would go somewhere and he would get that feeling that someone is right behind him, but as soon as he turns around it goes away. Apparently now all he does is turns around every minute or so to check. He says that as soon as his vision starts to get a black tint, that's when he has to turn. Whatever that means. He said that on his way to my office no matter how much he turned the black tint wouldn't go away, was afraid that it would get him or he'll go blind or something. I made a show of being calm and said something about his anxiety and sleep deprivation from nightmares. Not sure if he bought it. This whole thing left me puzzled, no amount of studying at university or practicing could've prepared me for that. I did request him to go give some blood tests for anemia or something that would explain black outs in his vision. And I sat reading medical papers on sleep disorders with nightmares and severe anxiety, but nothing that would fit. I will have to wait for his next visit.

Today he was supposed to come, but after fifteen minutes of waiting I knew something was wrong. He was never late, usually even early, especially as of late. And he wouldn't miss the seance without telling me. So, I started calling. I managed to reach him on the thirteenth call after a moderate amount of pacing around my table. I can't express enough the amount of relief I felt after I finally heard his voice. As usual squeaky, but a bit deeper than normal. Turns out I woke him up from something that was over a 24 hours sleep. Which is quite frankly insane going from "almost no sleep" to "sleep through the entire day". He said he'll come next week.

I thought at first that the 26 hours sleep incident meant that his nightmares had stopped. Well, at least it was my hope until I saw him at my office today. Although he did look less sleep deprived, his eyes were still so heavy and tired and he still looked 10 years older than he was supposed to. First thing he asked me to turn my table light on, which I did and he stared at it. He was staring at it through the full session, but he was finally ready to talk about his nightmares. It was a strange experience when he started talking. All I could look at was his eyes. His black-black eyes, that should not be black. Nobody’s eyes are that dark. And yet I was staring, but it didn’t bother him, like he couldn’t see me. He was very descriptive of them, I almost felt like I was there, in his house, his dark house in the middle of the night. It was so cold in there, like the heating wasn’t on. The only sound that I could hear was the clock downstairs. It’s not a big grandfather clock, no Fundy never had that money. Not that he liked those clocks anyway, they actually scared him. And they were ticking so loud. I knew that as soon as it struck midnight I was going to be hunted. By shadows. The shadows are going to swallow me whole. I need a light. Anything. I would go through the drawers, try light switches, tap the phone in futile attempts to get any light in this dark flat. Nothing. Fundy doesn’t keep a lighter or matches (they remind him of his father and how he used to smoke), even his stove is electric and all electronics are dead. I tried to open a window but… behind it was void. I don’t mean like it was night, no, I mean there was Nothing. Completely dark. As if this flat existed in another dimension by itself. The longer I looked into the void, the more helpless I’d feel, the more meaningless everything seemed. The more… welcoming shadows became. My time is up, it’s midnight. It took me a moment to realize that I was in my office and not in that weird void dimension dreamscape. Fundy- my patient was still looking at the lamp. What he said next sent shivers down my spine: “It’s so painful to die there, but the more that happened the more I found it comforting”. It was the moment when I realized that what I took as a trick of the light was real. It’s not just his iris that is too dark, the sclera is a few shades too black as well.  When he was going he said “you need to change your lights, everything is so dim”. The lights were as bright as always. I don’t think he realized that it’s his eyes that got darker. 

Fundy wasn’t responding to my calls. I don’t know why I decided to go to his apartment complex. But once I stood in front of the door to his flat there was no way back. Again, I don’t know what I was thinking entering the damn flat when I realized it wasn’t locked. I don’t know why I didn’t call him. I remember thinking how darn cold and dark it was. Of course it's the end of December, it’s supposed to be cold and dark, but I stood there in Fundy’s flat in my coat and was getting chills. I took out my phone and proceeded to the bedroom, now I don’t know why I knew where his bedroom is, but I just did. And there he was. Sitting on his bed. His eyes were black. I mean all of it was black. Sclera, iris and pupil were one at this point. Like two droplets of ink. Rather two small ink lakes. I called him. He turned to me and… His eyes were all black but I knew he was staring at me. The whole room was staring at me. The shadows were staring, but they couldn’t reach me. Because of the light of my phone. He tilted his head and squinted like he tried to take a better look at me. And that’s where he said “Dr. Puffy? Come here so I could see you”. And that was it for me, I booked it for the door, immediately. But I wasn’t safe yet, they were following me, I got into my car and drove to my office. And I don’t know, okay, I don’t know why I drove to my office instead of home. But this place seems… safer. I should consider living here for a while. I don’t know what I saw. I don’t know what that was, a curse, a haunt or whatever else, all I know is that it was real. Too real. It was that feeling, the very same feeling of looking into the abyss, when I looked into Fundy’s empty eyes. Like life was meaningless. I shouldn’t sleep tonight.

I was researching on the internet. Well, more like reading threads on old forums and Reddit, trying to find anything similar to what happened to Fundy. Or even why. What’s weird is that I couldn’t find anything on Fundy himself. And I know for a fact that Fundy was on the internet a lot, he did freelance coding and even had a YouTube channel and I know because he showed it to me. But when I tried to find it- it was just gone, like it never existed. And he did Not delete his channel. There should have been something left, but there was absolutely nothing. I had his photo on my phone in contacts. But both the contact and the photo just disappeared into thin air. I asked a person from the next door, I think the name was Sam, if he remembered Fundy, described him. I knew that before all of that started, Fundy and he got along somewhat well, and saw them talking a couple times. He looked at me really hard, visually trying to remember. He said he doesn’t know him, but there’s a weird feeling he should. 

I’m still trying to piece it all together. I sleep a lot less and when I do, it’s in the office. I haven’t been home in a few days. I didn’t dream of the shadows or the abyss, so that’s reassuring. But all I got - the abyss took all of him to itself. Which is not rational by any means, but the only explanation I can think of. Why haven’t I forgotten is another question I don’t know the answer to. My other patients don’t look at me weird at least.

I stare every hour at the bathroom mirror, I try to find even a hint that my eyes start to go black, but nothing. However the longer I look the weirder my own reflection is to me. I don’t really recognize myself and the dark circles under my eyes are not part of it, it feels like I’m missing something. Right on my head, there should be something heavier than just my hair. And my eyes shouldn’t be this round. I don’t know why. 

There are tiny horns on my head. And my pupils are more… horizontal. How interesting. 

I want to know. I need to know. Knowledge is guidance. His name was Fundy Soot.

I broke a mirror and went right through it. :)

[End of the transcript]

[Case additional note: We can confirm that someone named Fundy Soot indeed existed at some point in this reality. We found him in the birth records in the archives of the Astral Library, along with some attached photos. We also asked the person named Sam Dude, who did work next to Dr. C. Puffy about her, the mirror and showed him the photos - in that order. He confirmed that he didn’t see her exit the building in the last week or so before the disappearance. He confirmed the broken mirror, and found it strange. The photos caused him severe discomfort, mild vertigo and a migraine. He couldn’t recognize Fundy Soot from the picture, but kept repeating “how” out loud. Overall those notes shed some light on a series of mysterious disappearances without a trace of existence. Although we don’t really know what happened to the likes of Fundy. Nor what happened to Dr. Puffy herself. All of it is very interesting, isn’t it?]

[leviathans-watching]

Hi! I really like your content, and I've been following you for a while but never done one of these before.

I was wondering if you had any tips for creating a writing blog?

thank you so much for the support! hopefully what I include is at least somewhat helpful!

first, i think it's important to note that a lot of my success comes from the circumstances surrounding the startup of my blog. i began to write for obey me during 2020, with my first work getting posted around may. this is important for two reasons: not only we're we in lockdown, leading to an insane increase in engagement from 2020-late 2022, but also since the game released in dec 2019, I was one of the first people to write for it, thus meaning I was filling a niche that had in increased demand. my point in this is to say that I attribute a lot of my success to these factors, and not necessarily to any actions that I took or inherent talent lol

also note that these tops are based in my experience and experience only, not in any science or data!

general tips:

don't expect to blow up overnight! i've been writing fanfiction since 2018 and i only started gaining traction in late 2020 haha. and in that time, don't be afraid to just throw stuff at the wall until you find something that sticks. set boundaries! if you get to a point where people are being demanding, unkind, leaving hate, asking for too much, doing anything to rub you the wrong way, shut it down. thankfully I've only had to do that like twice (as usually my followers are lovely and understanding), but it's important to remember this is your blog and your rules

writing tips:

play around with style, tone, themes, elements, etc until you find your groove. my works do span stylistically, thematically, plot-wise, etc, but commonly they're lighthearted and sweet, as I find that's what I like to write the best. find what you like to write the best! edit edit edit! once you're done writing, read through it once or twice to find typos/stuff you don't like, then when you move it from wherever you're writing (as I do not suggest writing in tumblr) look through it again as the new format and sizing will allow you to catch more. then, if you're still unsure, wait overnight and look through it again the next day before posting. but it's also not the end of the world to have typos if you get constructive criticism (given in a kind way ofc)... it's in your best interest to at least evaluate your work before deciding to take it or not. don't just dismiss it. reflection leads to improvement! when I first started writing I didn't even put dialogue into different paragraphs and without some nice comments who knows how long that might have lasted lol if you're struggling with writing block or can't seem to finish up a piece, give it a break. don't keep kicking a dead horse. I've had pieces that I start and don't come back to until like 9 months later lmfaooo

technical tips:

blogs that are centered around 1 (to 2) fandoms tend to do better. this is because ppl don't like to follow creators if there's also a bunch of random stuff appearing on their dash in between works. this is why I utilize sideblogs (i tend to post obey me and haikyu (to a lesser degree) on this one, and i have one for batman, one for another book series, and one for more personal poetry and stuff) a good and aesthetically pleasing layout is going to really go far. if you're blog and works look professional and attractive, they're going to pull people in. what this means is to come up with a blog theme/layout that is unique and fits the vibes of you and your writing, have a unique pfp (so not one of the of tumblr ones), and make sure your works are organized with a clear layout that's standard across your blog (this also helps create a 'blog identity'). feel free to look at mine for inspo obv or as you scroll through popular blogs/tags try to pick out elements that you'd like to incorporate. tagging is your best friend. i always start with the most important/broad ones (i.e. #obey me, #obey me game), then go into relevant relationships (i.e. #mammon x you, #mammon x mc), then characters (i.e. #mammon obey me, #obey me mammon), then anything else. this order can be changed if you have trigger warnings, which i'd say to put first. also, do not spam tag or tag thing's that aren't related in an effort to gain viability as that will actually make people less likely to engage. as with layout, try to standardize your process/blog specific tags so they create a 'blog identity' (such as my #leviawriting or #from: levi tags) be kind and interactive! if people leave you nice comments, respond to them! answer asks, have conversations, make new friends! this will make your experience much more fun and bring a lot of joy, and also make people want to talk to you

that's really all i can come up with right now! obviously if anyone has more tips feel free to tack them on and if you have questions send them my way!

[dollsonmain]

Ok, Son's at school. I didn't realize they're getting out early on Thursday instead of on Friday, so I have a lot less alone time before another long holiday break than I thought.

Ugh. I do honestly like spending time with my Son, but not the noise videos he likes. They hurt. He's good about understanding when I can't take it anymore, though, and will either go in another room or is comfortable with me going down to the basement for a while.

I think maybe we'll listen to some of those records that I found unbearable together over the holiday. I think Son might like those, and while I don't like them, it doesn't mean he's not allowed to.

Still need to get a record cleaning kit.

-

That Guy is pushing both Son and me to get jobs somewhere in town without cars. I'm like, how we get to work????

He usually yells at me that I'm making excuses, then yesterday in the car yelled that he'd drive us, and had already said that.

He never said that.

He said he'd get Son a car once Son got his license, and then Son could take himself to work, and every time I mention how would I get to work he's said I'm making excuses and also said that I'd get the job first and then we'd figure out transportation which is illogical.

Not once did he say he intended to personally drive us to work, at least not until yesterday.

I don't think he means that anyway.

How's he going to do that? He leaves for work at 5 am, and if I don't start until like 9am to 6pm because I'd have to work full time to qualify for insurance which is what this is all about, I mean, I'm not sitting around my workplace for an extra 4-5 hours before my shift especially if I happen to find an office job and the office is closed until work time. That's just not possible in the winter.

Then he has to be home in time to drive Son to work after school but if he's not getting to work himself until 9 or 10 am because he has to drive me, then he's not getting home until 7 or 8 because it's a long commute (1 hr 15 minutes one way) to HIS work, and Son's work would probably be something like 5 to 10pm because he is a teenager in school.

Then he'd be having to go pick me up around 6 pm, and Son at maybe 10pm. They'd get home around 11.

The only other option is that I manage to stumble upon some legitimate work-from-home (I'd rather work outside and interact with people; I've been trapped in this house and isolated for 16 years) or work overnights, but he's vetoed the idea of me working nights because he doesn't want to sleep alone.

Depending on where Son and I would be working we might be able to manage our schedules such that Son goes to work right after school (5pm or so start time, gives him time to come home, shower, get dressed, and leave again) and then I start work when Son's shift is ending so that That Guy makes one trip to town to drop Son off at work, another to pick up Son and drop me off and that would be roughly 9:30 pm to 10:30 pm if we happen to work in the same place or at least nearby each other. He'd get home and get to bed around 11. Then That Guy has to come and get me at 7am which is right after Son gets on the bus (meaning That Guy would have to get up with Son in the morning to make sure he got on the bus because I wouldn't be there), bring me home, and then he might be leaving for work around 8:30 am assuming he did his morning get-ready before leaving to get me. Gets to work at 9:30, works the full shift so off work at 6:30 pm, then gets home at 7:30, though more like 8:30 or even 9 due to rush hour traffic out of the DC Metro area and at that point Son's missed most of his work shift...

It's the same as the insurance thing. He demands it happens then gets in the way of it happening and blames others for it not happening.

What he needs to do to make this work the way he wants it to is get at least one more car that son and I could share or for us to move somewhere the two of us can walk to work.

Either way, it's going to cost him money to not have to spend his money on us and he's short circuiting trying to figure out how to make this all work without him spending any money.

[the1975attheirverybest]

I'm seeing on twitter some very angry people from Malaysia. They are complaining because they paid for the show and didn't have it, that other people can be somehow punished and that this doesn't effectively changes anything. Also, they say that It makes It more dificult to have international artists doing shows there.

Do you have an opinion on these issues?

Yeah, so, with regards to not getting the show they paid for, this was the show. They got it. This was it. It’s not the show they thought they were going to see, but this is the 1975. That’s what they do. And that was only possible show for them to put on under the circumstances. Just because it wasn’t a 12 song setlist (usual average length of a festival show) doesn’t mean it wasn’t real or thought out. In fact, it was more real and thought out that most other gigs.

Put yourself in the bands shoes. They got banned from Dubai for a similar thing. They’ve spoken up about queer rights several times in the US. Written songs about it. Did we really think that they would show up, take money from homophobes, smile and wave and act like all is well? It was clear from Matty’s speech that he weighed his options. And he had the fans in mind as he thought it through. He acknowledged that the fans are not a reflection of the government and that they’re probably progressive and perhaps some of them are even queer themselves. But he couldn’t do it in good faith. And that’s what the bands spirit is. That’s what they do. Who they are. What they stand for.

The “it won’t change anything” argument doesn’t really make sense to me, tbh. Just because a person doesn’t have direct political influence, doesn’t mean that they should just go with whatever their oppressive governments tell them to do. In fact, it’s precisely BECAUSE of their privilege that the 1975 SHOULD do this. Because they can get away with it in ways that Malaysian queer people can’t. When you have power that other people don’t, what kind of person would you be if you didn’t use it to amplify marginalized voices? Nothing was going to happen to the fans, they’re Malaysian, they know this. I’m speaking as an Arab myself. An Arab who lived in Dubai (where the 1975 is also banned). I won’t insult their culture or identity by saying that they’re 100% the same, but their governments oppression is the same as the oppression that I have seen. They all have the same source (Saudi Arabia) and operate under the same assumptions. They wouldn’t prosecute fans for coming to the show at which this happened.

I think gestures of solidarity, and symbolic acknowledgements are important. Because this wasn’t JUST about Malaysia and it’s government. This is for every queer fan who feels threatened and marginalized right now. It’s important that they feel seen and supported by their artists. Matty is constantly talking about how it’s an artists role to “signpost towards utopia.” We are a long, long ways away from a utopia, but I think treating people with equal dignity and respect is the bare fuckin minimum. They were fulfilling their role as artists by doing this. Sometimes, the consequences are worth it even when they don’t lead to direct, overnight change in government policy. If we only ever attempted change when we were absolutely certain of the effect it was going to have and the success of our desired result, then nobody would ever risk anything. This all or nothing mentality pervades our culture these days. Especially online and especially by young people. Just because the US is not going to turn into a perfect country with free healthcare and education and anti-racist policies doesn’t mean we shouldn’t still try. Stay engaged. Vote. Just because someone made a mistake that proved them to be human, flawed, and less than perfect, doesn’t mean they can’t still be a good person. If we keep thinking “it’s either a whole win or I don’t want it” then we won’t get very far.

It’s not gonna make it harder for international artists to come to Malaysia. Corporate mouth pieces who choose cash over political and moral value are still going to agree to perform. It just won’t be the 1975 (or artists like them).

As a Muslim: homophobia is not part of our religion or our culture. Oppression is not a cultural convention that is worthy of respect or reverence. Again, I’m arab. I know about colonialism. Yes, westerners, especially white men, do have a long track record (as long as history itself) of disrespecting our culture and religion, denigrating our identities, forcing their beliefs on us in the name of “spreading democracy” and “enlightening us” and “bringing us civilization.” The result of that is a fractured cultural and historical identity. A lot of damage to our religions and traditions. To our languages even. What the 1975 did today was NOT that. If you think that God wants you to oppress other because of their sexuality, or if you think that your marginalization of queer people is something that people should respect and uphold, then the 1975’s show today was for you. Hope you got the message.

[genderkoolaid]

in my brain, the whole "[size] dick energy" thing was always coined to de-stigmatise dick size with the usual help of humour. the sentiment being that it doesn't matter what your actual genital size is, what matters is your energy and how you behave regardless of it.

it's not perfect, no, but it's miles better than just omitting the "energy" part. society has been weird about genital size all along (see: small genitals being desirable in ancient Greece) so acting like it's gonna go away ever or overnight is just. eh.

I don't see where it's realistic to spend so much energy arguing about this as if it's life or death?

I'd rather rejoice that a human trafficker is in custody for reasons of his own making.

How, exactly, does using "small dick" as an insult destigmatize dick size?

You are still associating dick size with worth. Listen to me: your argument is ridiculous.

"You have a small dick" = bodyshaming insult

"You have small dick energy" = destigmatization? Are you being serious right now? Are you seriously trying to argue that slapping "energy" on the end of a bodyshaming insult is destigmatization? Would using "fat energy" as an insult destigmatize fatness? Are you for real right now?

The body part is in the name. Its not like, a code word. It did not come from any sort of attempt to destigmatize small dicks. It could not more clearly be based in the idea that having a big dick is seen as being something cool, powerful, and worthy. That is a basic fact of modern Western culture, and you would have to be wildly disconnected from modern Western culture to think that isn't the reason the jokes became popular in the first place.

It is not "miles better" than without the energy part. It is the exact same. People (transmascs and intersex people especially) who are directly impacted by this, because it is directly mocking our bodies, are saying that this is bodyshaming because it directly leads to our own self-hatred and the undervaluing of our bodies in society. If anything, its helping to continue normalizing this bodyshaming because of people like you, who for some reason that escapes me, think that putting "energy" after bodyshaming negates the bodyshaming.

Also, are you fucking kidding me? Really? "its been around forever so its not gonna go away anytime soon"? Are you really using that tired argument?

I know its been around for a while. I have, in fact, literally said that I don't blame people for using it without realizing its bodyshaming because its so ingrained in our culture and its not a well-known enough issue for the average person to even connect it with bodyshaming. I just want people who hear people explain why its harmful to stop making those jokes and stop defending them. I'm not "acting as if its life or death", I'm just annoyed that people keep making weak arguments about why it Totally Isnt Bodyshaming to avoid doing any self-reflection on how something that you take for granted may actually be harmful and against your own morals.

Which gets on to your final point, which I have also seen @transfaguette get. That we are distracting from the human trafficker getting arrested or something.

Literally the first things I did when I heard the news was make a post celebrating it, and reblogging the actual screenshots, and answering an ask saying that I live for the day Andrew Tate falls into obscurity. I didn't even mention the bodyshaming until someone else brought it up, and I mentioned how I was annoyed with people's lame justifications. But also, in the tags:

#wish greta hadn't used that insult but y'know greater good + i don't entirely blame her for not being aware of a#rather niche viewpoint on it#kinda same w how I feel abt people using empathy to mean compassion/being a good person#like it's not right but it's also not in the public discourse enough#for the avg person to realize why it's harmful

I literally said it was for the "greater good" and that I didn't blame her, or even most people, for using the joke without thinking about the bodyshaming element.

I did and am rejoicing at the human trafficker getting himself arrested in the stupidest way possible. I have been very openly happy about Greta's tweet since I literally first saw it. It is possible for people to both be happy with what happened, and wish that a different joke had been used.

The reason "small dick energy" as a joke is being discussed is because this is an issue I have talked about in the past, and since it was used in a very well-known instance recently, it makes sense to bring it back up since it's already in people's minds. Its not like I completely ignored what happened, or I'm out here saying that the entire thing shouldn't have happened because Greta made a joke I didn't like. I love that what happened, happened, and I continue to be happy about it. I was mildly annoyed she used a small dick joke, and I am far more annoyed with people like you who feel the need to make these weird, flimsy defenses of it?

You are just being actively resistant to the fact that connecting having a small penis, in any way, shape, or form, to being less of a man or worth less as a person or less cool or whatever is bodyshaming and it hurts people. If you can be as creative with your insults as you are with your defenses of bodyshaming, I'm sure you'll be fine.

[leqclerc]

You were in Monaco? I’ve always wanted to go even just because I love microstates! Did you stay overnight or just pop over the border?

Hello! 😊

Yeah it was just a day trip!

We actually went about it in a really roundabout way, because we were coming from the Italian side (having spent a few days in Venice and Verona initially, then getting a train to Milan, and from Milan another train to the border town of Ventimiglia. From there we took – you guessed it – a 20 minute train over to the French coastal town of Menton, where we stayed for two days) rather than, like, the usual route of Nice -> Monaco. But Monaco has always been a bucket list location/experience for me so I knew I wanted to go, even just for a day. And I mean, Menton in itself is gorgeous, so I highly recommend visiting it or using it as a "base" if you're heading to Monaco. They've got trains running basically every few minutes so it's super easy to get to Monaco (and beyond) and enjoy some Riviera views on the way. We got in around 9am and left around 9pm. It was a regular day and not the race weekend so it was a lot quieter than it would've been otherwise, but yeah.

Then from the Monte Carlo train station we mostly walked. Though we did take the red tour bus, right from the first stop, and did the full loop just to get a feel for where everything is. We then ended up getting out by the casino and kind of exploring on foot from there. At one point we also took the little shuttle boat that gets you from one side of the harbour to the other. I had some stuff that like, I knew I wanted to do or see or had tickets for (Prince's car collection) but for the most part we just kind of wandered around and took it all in. Cons: as walkable as it is, it can still be kind of tiring and time consuming so in hindsight honestly I kind of regret we never researched the city buses. I feel like that would be a good option to get around quicker and also kind of get a feel for how the locals live rather than just doing strictly touristy things (I say this as someone who was on a packed city bus from Maranello to Modena with a bunch of local school kids and honestly it was An Experience and like sometimes it's fun to do stuff like that). Also the lack of wifi/phone data was definitely an issue. I mean they do have like, public free wifi spots in some places (definitely works at the train station and also the hairpin) but not everywhere so the rest of the time you're kind of going in blind unless you've downloaded offline maps or tickets or made notes or something. I'm sure there's a way around that – like how all the international journalists go there to cover the F1/FE/etc races – but I haven't found any solid solution for this online. My phone network provider didn't have a data package for Monaco specifically so that was a no-go. Ultimately it didn't matter all that much for one day but if I were going for longer I'd probably like to have some backup on top of like those free wifi spots.

But yeah, if you ever get the chance to go I recommend it! I honestly wish I could've stayed for longer and maybe had a "slow" kind of holiday because as small as it is there were still places I didn't get to see or experience (Larvotto beach for example) but even just being there for a few hours felt super satisfying and fulfilling after watching it on TV for years. ❤️