#Unova is a great region and the games are among the best but the anime is the exact opposite

[crystalelemental]

“books-are-my-life-stuff: Oh, you reminded me. Alola was actually my second favorite region after finishing Pokemon Moon for the first time. Despite the unfair difficulty of Totem fights, I enjoyed the environment, lore, legendaries, and especially characters of Alola. They were great, they felt welcoming, the characters felt very close to me, I love the tradition, and I felt "at home" in Alola.“

That’s fair, I won’t really argue that.  I do like the legends and the UBs, and I can get that someone might enjoy it.

“However, Alola now falls to fourth place after playing Ultra Moon only in span of a month after Moon. It's probably my fault, I should have given more time between the two games, but back then I didn't expect 80% of USUM as just rehash of Pokemon Moon, and the changes that USUM made, some are great (the QoL improvements, Hau being more awesome) but some are...not as much personally (Lusamine's character, the Rainbow Rocket postgame).

After some time, the flaws of Alola games for me start to show as I slowly get over the hype. I think it has similar problems as with every games in later gens: they leave other characters severely underdeveloped. Sure, it's not like Kalos where every single character is underdeveloped, but characters that aren't the Aether family are very much overlooked. SwSh fixed that a little bit but Marnie is still underdeveloped compared to Bede and Hop.

As a result, fans tend to focus solely on the developed characters: the Aether family, especially Lillie. Alola characters that aren't Aether family tend to be great as groups but as individuals they don't have much, there are obviously some exceptions like Hau, Kukui, Guzma, but even then they're still underdeveloped compared to Aether family. And the manga of Alola generation doesn't fix this at all, even though the XY version of the manga was great.”

In fairness, a lot of the “third” games tend to just be...mostly the same exact game, so I don’t think that’s what hindered it.  Almost the opposite; what they did change just wasn’t changed for the better, like the adjustment to Lusamine or the inclusion of Rainbow Rocket.  Other characters have always been fairly under-developed, but I think the problem is that as the games became more story-centric, it starts to hit a little worse.  When the games were mostly just straight gameplay with very few stops, it didn’t matter that gym leaders and the like weren’t that well developed.  You get a little bit, and you develop from there.  But in games where every goddamned route is at least one cutscene, sometimes multiple, it starts to hurt that you don’t actually know much about them.  It always especially bothered me in Gen 7 that you don’t actually battle the trial captains.  They may as well not even be there.  I know there’s supposed to be some what to face off against them, but for the life of me I don’t think I ever figured out how to do it.  So I don’t blame anyone for latching on to the few that did get that focus.

Also I’m kinda surprised the manga doesn’t do more.  I figured that was one thing I could count on with it.  I think the anime involved a lot of the trial captains.  I guess if you want character, that’s what you have to go with.

“I dunno, maybe I'm just holding an unreasonably high standard for modern Pokemon games in terms of story and characterization after Unova, which I still consider as the best, but Unova really did a great job in making a lot of characters memorable and relevant to the plot somehow, modern Pokemon games tried but kept failing to do so. If only the focus weren't too much on the Aether family and more balanced, the Alola characters would probably be stronger.

I still like Hau the most among all Alola characters though, despite him being underdeveloped and the manga proves that he still can be sidelined even further than the main games.”

No, I think that’s fair.  Considering they did do a good job with the development of a cast with Unova, I think it’s reasonable to expect a bit more from the later games as well.  There shouldn’t be any reason for the reduction in quality of what’s produced, and personally I’ll go to my grave blaming the decision to move to 3D models without extending the development cycle.  I feel like it’s super easy to track that as soon as they made that shift, things started falling apart in terms of content being cut or not fully fleshed out or recently just kinda not looking great.  It’s messy.

[neon-moon-beam]

Everyone knows the anime could not animate Submas at all, but look at Emmet specifically.

His chin is as long as his hair. Exactly.

I don’t know much about animation, but looking at it, it’s almost like they drew the shape for his hair, made it wide, and then just colored in the part that was supposed to be his face differently and added his nose and I guess where his lips are supposed to be. Except his chin is huge, like they knew where his face was supposed to line up in regards to his hair but had all this extra...face, and just left it.

And then of course Ingo’s face is wrong too in a different way, the foreshortening on his arm looks a bit off, and something about his hand too...

I don’t know what went wrong, but it went wrong.

bl*nkshippers dni--I will block you

[askmerriauthor]

Pokemon SwSh Thoughts - Post Game

So I’ve finished Pokemon Sword’s primary content.  All that’s left is to finish up the PokeDex and drive myself insane trying to whip up all the variations of Alcremie.  That, and delaying buying an online subscription for as long as possible before I bother with trading to get the other game’s exclusives.  Here’s some thoughts on the game after the fact:

Pokemon SwSh really needed to come out in late 2020, period.  I’ve enjoyed the game so far, but I’ve played it for about a week without putting in too much time/effort grinding and I’ve already done pretty much everything there is to do.  I had my Starter leveled up to 100 before I even left the Wild Area for the very first time.  The pacing and content depth of this game are pretty much non-existent, whereas the majority of the effort has clearly been put toward refining the competitive combat development.  That’s great for those players who really like the battle system, but not so much for those of us who like story and broader gameplay elements.

Pro - Streamlined Gameplay One thing I’ve wanted in Pokemon for ages has been the ability to skip tutorials.  I understand the necessity of having them, as every game that comes out is going to be some player’s first and their presence is for that player.  But at least having the option to skip them for us old hats would be nice.  SwSh does that!  I was delighted to discover that the game allows you to bypass tutorials with a simple yes/no prompt when a new element is introduced.  How to catch Pokemon, type match-ups, how to heal at Pokemon Centers, and so forth - all the stuff previous games led us through by the nose has been made optional this time around.

I’ve seen some people saying that this game holds the player’s hand too much as it leads us from one gameplay element to the next and doesn’t let us progress at our own leisure.  To some degree this is true, but it’s far less egregious than in previous games, such as SuMo.  There’s yet to be a good balance between giving the player free reign and giving them enough guidance to ensure we never feel lost, but this has been an inoffensive example as far as I’m concerned.  The game does end up feeling rather railroaded, but I don’t necessarily consider that a fault of hand-holding. I’ll get to this matter later on.

Pro - The Style Galar is a very pretty region and the game makes good use of the Switch’s higher capacity to produce excellent backdrops for the player to explore.  Many of the Pokemon have charming animations (Falinks is my favorite on this respect).  The towns are all really well-designed in terms of visuals, especially compared to the bare-bones looks of older generations.  I feel like there could have been more, but what we got is still great.

Pro - Implications in Lore Those of you who know me know how much I love lore and world building.  Pokemon, as a franchise, is ripe with opportunity to examine its lore to the most tiny and obscure detail, so any new addition to the franchise is welcome on that front.  Galar has some pretty fascinating nuggets to contribute.

I love that the League in Galar, as well as competitive Pokemon Training in general, is treated like a career sport.  In specific, I love that this view and practice is exclusive to Galar - I wouldn’t like it at all if the entire franchise shifted to this angle, but it works great for a one-off region.  I like that Kabu specifically relocated himself from Hoenn to join the sports league as it doesn’t exist in his home region.  The Champion being a sort of major celebrity/superhero, the way Gym Leaders can recruit proteges or even inheritors of their rank from among contenders, the sort of clique all the Gym Leaders have with one another - it’s a really neat dynamic.  I also like the notion that actually completing the Gym Challenge isn’t something common and most Trainers who try rarely make it even halfway through.  That’s an interesting contrast to other regions where collecting Gym Badges seems almost as a given and the League itself is considered the real challenge, or where the whole endeavor is designed to be finished as a matter of course, like in Alola.

There’s also some really neat additions to the overall lore brought in from the Pokemon Masters mobile game.  While its place in canon is questionable, it does specifically mention Galar in a few places.  The idea that Pokemon who do not appear in the current Dex are banned from Galar by customs (perhaps identified as potentially dangerous/invasive species) is an interesting one.  So is the claim that Iris - the Champion of Unova in BW2 - is a cousin of Leon and Hop.  I love it when there are connections amid titles like that as it really helps build a more unified setting.

-Edit-: Darn, apparently those screenshots were fakes.  Strike that positive from the list, I suppose.

Mixed Pro/Con - The Availability of Pokemon and the Wild Area I’m not talking about Dexit - I have my own thoughts on that explained elsewhere and frankly don’t think it’s going to end up as bad as everyone is fretting over in the long run.  No, in this particular case I’m focused on the availability of Pokemon that are in the game itself.

To put it simply... it’s too easy.  I know that filling out the PokeDex isn’t supposed to be a huge challenge, but I’ve gotten the majority of it done - evolved forms, item-reliant forms, gender/size/color variations included - with pretty much no effort whatsoever.  I like the idea of the Wild Area in principle but what it ends up being in practice is lacking.  It’s too easy to just hoover up Pokemon at a breakneck pace, which leads to other zones and the Wild Area itself becoming pretty much immediately obsolete.  I have no need to return to them once I’ve gotten everything I need and there’s not enough general content to urge me to visit again.

The Wild Area itself is a big open sandbox that you can roam around in, which is nice compared to more linear zones in past games.  Galar has its railroad routes, but they’re brief (aside from the obligatory overlong water route, which even then is still quite a lot smaller than other regions’ have been).  However, it’s just that - a big open sandbox.  You can wander through it very easily and even traipse into the “high level” zones without fear because you can see all the Pokemon coming and give them a wide berth to avoid them.  There aren’t any obstacles or challenges within the Wild Area itself, and the game makes it supremely easy to find Pokemon even under specific weather/time conditions, which I feel is a missed opportunity.  I would have rather the Wild Area been MUCH bigger and more involved, full of places to explore and puzzles to solve.  Similarly, I would rather that Pokemon were more difficult to come by as well - that a greater deal of effort would have been put toward tracking and discovering certain harder-to-find Pokemon, with more in-game detective work to find your prize.

Mixed Pro/Con - The Characters The ensemble cast of new Gym Leaders are great - I enjoy the majority of them and frankly want more interactions, more encounters, just more in general.  That’s sort of the problem though - I want more.  The game itself criminally under-utilizes these characters, especially compared to how much more involved and explored Gym Leaders have been in recent games.  There is precious little content using the Gym Leaders here in Galar as it stands and I constantly found myself wanting them to hang out longer and have the chance to learn more about them.  Their League Cards are a neat little addition full of interesting tidbits about their histories, natures, and relationships with each other, but I would MUCH rather have gotten to see all that play out in the game itself rather than read it as a flavor blurb.

On the con side of this, however, is the fact that all of the characters are extremely one-dimensional.  We’ve been seeing a steady increase in the depth and development of supporting characters in the games since BW onward, with SuMo arguably having the most to date.  The overall characterization in SwSh is incredibly lacking by comparison as we don’t get nearly enough time to be with the cast, nor is the cast given the chance to present more than one note per.  Nobody has any sort of emotional growth or development.  The closest thing to a character arc in the game is Hop’s acceptance of the idea that he’s not going to be the Champion, but it doesn’t have anywhere near as much punch as it could and is over in the blink of an eye compared to how he spends THE ENTIRE GAME repeating the same “I’m gonna be the Champion/Hokage/Pirate King!” spiel every time he’s on screen.

Con - Dynamaxing and Max Raid Battles I’m not really on board with the whole “Mega-Evolution is best! No more gimmicks!” train because that’s just silly to me.  Every game has its gimmick and the way Pokemon gradually picks up tricks and traits from its past versions to consolidate into newer titles is one of its strengths.  That said, Dynamaxing is worthless and a pointless addition to the game, both in presentation and practice.

The visual of a Pokemon going kaiju is a neat concept and one I was initially intrigued by, but in practice it falls flat because it’s as thin as cardboard.  It’s just Mega-Evolution and Z-Moves smooshed together with an additional 3 round time limit tacked on.  All it functionally does is buff your Pokemon’s HP pool and add additional weather/status effects to certain attacks, but in some cases the Dynamax versions of attacks are actually weaker/less useful than their base form.  In Gym Battles all the way through the final League fight with Leon, I didn’t bother with Dynamaxing because my Pokemon were strong enough to not need it.  I could one-shot Dynamaxed Pokemon with ease using a non-Dynamaxed Pokemon and that really shows a flaw in the design if ever there was one.  Dynamaxing doesn’t add or improve anything vital to gameplay - it’s just fluff.

Max Raid Battles as found in the Wild Area are even worse.  For those of you who don’t know, these are instanced battles against a Dynamaxed/Gigantamaxed wild Pokemon where you team up with three other players/NPCs.  If you win, you get a bunch of useful items and have the chance to catch the wild Pokemon as well, which is the only way you can get certain Gigantamax-capable Pokemon reliably.

The issue with these Max Raid Battles is that they’re an absolute slog.  In the early stages of the game they’re all super easy to the point that I could solo them and thus gathered mountains of EXP-boosting candies, which let me overlevel my Pokemon beyond reason.  Since the whole “your Pokemon is too high level and won’t listen to you” thing apparently doesn’t apply to Starters and special Event Pokemon, I was able to max-level and run rampant across all opposition with my Starter and my special “thanks for buying early” Meowth.  HOWEVER.  The difficulty scale of the Max Raid Battles increases with your game progress, so by the time I finished the game and went back into the Wild Area, the Max Raid Battles’ difficulty had ramped up.  That’s an okay compromise on its face, but the manner in which the difficulty has increased is poor game design.  The battles aren’t any harder, they just take longer - the wild Pokemon has more HP,  tosses up a few rounds of shields to soak damage at the start and again halfway through the fight, and purges stat boosts from the player and party throughout the battle.  It just makes the fights a pain in the ass to get through rather than making them more challenging or fun, and it’s gotten to the point that I don’t even bother with them anymore.  They’re just not worth the trouble, not even for the sake of trying to farm EXP candies because, at this point in the game, all Pokemon in the Wild Area scale up to level 60+ and thus are perfectly serviceable as EXP farming fodder themselves.

On a lore side of things, Dynamaxing is really confusing.  There’s the whole visual aspect of the Pokemon growing to giant sizes and sometimes changing their appearances, and there’s these massive arenas built to facilitate the whole thing.  But the game itself goes out of its way to impress the fact that the Pokemon aren’t actually getting bigger.  They just appear to grow in size and haven’t actually physically changed themselves so Dynamaxing is more like a giant hard light holographic projection than anything else?  It’s just a really weird design choice to have made and I don’t understand why it was included.

Con - The Writing So, writing is very important to me.  It’s literally been my job for the past decade with various game studios.  I don’t consider myself any sort of literary snob as I feel there’s a place for schlock right alongside masterpieces - they all serve a specific purpose and fulfill a particular hunger the reader would like satisfied.

That said, SwSh’s writing is abysmal.

Right on the face, there’s not enough of it.  The game is criminally short and light on content, which directly impacts its pacing.  Remember earlier when I mentioned that things felt railroaded?  That’s because there’s not enough story to rest on - it all flies by as fast as can be, forcing the player along a very narrow and brief chain of events that don’t feel consequential at all.  Further, the player has no agency in events whatsoever.  It’s not the player’s story - it’s Hop’s story.  We’re the supporting role to his journey, shallow as that arc may be.  Hop is the one who initiates the events of the game without our input as a character and then we spend the entire game following him around, or being pushed into the next event by other characters who are facilitating Hop.  At no point is the player ever given the chance to express their own characterization, motivation, or even opinions.  Nearly every two-choice dialogue option that appears boils down to “Yes” or “Slightly More/Less Enthusiastic Yes”, which is a huge downgrade from the genuine negative responses and NPC reactions that were present in SuMo.

In terms of overall plot, SwSh has pretty much the same level of depth and complexity as the original Red/Blue titles, and that is as scathing a criticism in this modern age as I can possibly imagine.  The whole story is “run in a circle, collect badges, fight vaguely present villainous threat, fight league.”  We are actively forced from one gym fight to the next with no time to breathe, no story-focused events in between, and not even any chance to appreciate the gym, its leader, or even the towns they take place in.  It’s one and done - once you’ve got the badge there’s no reason to hang around and the story shuffles us along quickly as can be.  I mean that literally in some cases - there are hints of a greater plot at hand with Sonia investigating the history of Galar’s legends and the potential machinations of mega-corporate mogul Chairman Rose.  But each time those are broached in game play, the game pushes the player off-screen and says “Well, that’s not something you need to worry about.  Go get another badge!”  I mean, LITERALLY!  There’s a point where The Plot begins to kick in where Pokemon begin to spontaneously Dynamax and cause havoc, which is the narrative queue for the player to become involved and for the story to reveal a new facet.  But when that happens, Leon LITERALLY says “leave this to the adults, you just focus on your Gym Challenge” and runs off-screen to handle it himself.  It would be a good narrative subversion if it led up to things eventually getting out of hand and the player getting roped into things, or the player having the ability to defy such warnings and interject themselves into danger.  But that doesn’t happen - the game just forces us to focus on the Gym Challenge alone and keeps all the actual plot of the game off-screen away from us.  This is very poor narrative design and game design alike, and it all comes to nothing because we’re forced to clean up everything in the end anyway by battling the villain and legendaries as per usual.

Though I should also point out that there’s no villain in this game.

But what about Team Yell and Chairman Rose, I hear you ask?  They’re not villains, both literally and figuratively respectively.  Team Yell never really does anything other than act as brief gate locking elements throughout the game until you finish the Gym you’re at, then they bounce off to the next part of the route they’re set to block.  They don’t do anything bad and, as it’s later revealed, they’re actually just a bunch of Spikemuth Gym staffers who are posing as hooligans to support Marnie.  They’re literally not villains and, once you beat the Spikemuth Gym, they actually become supporting characters who cheer for the player character and help out against the actual supposed villain of the game.

The actual “villain” of the game is Chairman Rose and his assistant Oleana.  However, they’re only villains because the script says they are.  They don’t actually do anything bad throughout the entire game nor is there any indication that they have some sort of grand master plan.  The most we get is some unusual happenings like small quakes and explosions in the distance, but the game never allows us any chance to investigate - we’re just shoved off toward the next Gym each time.  So when Chairman Rose is finally revealed to be the Big Bad, it comes completely out of left field and seems to happen for no reason whatsoever.  Further, IT IS FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER.  Chairman Rose’s plan and goal is never explained in depth - all we get is the vague indication that he believes that Galar isn’t sustainable and there will be an inevitable energy crisis in about 1,000 years, and somehow his EVIL SCHEME will fix it.  But, like, even Leon flat-out says “I understand your concern but you’re being hasty, this doesn’t need to be rushed, chill out for five seconds and let’s figure this out reasonably”.  Instead Rose interrupts the Champion match and announces his EVIL SCHEME on global broadcast for literally no good reason.  There was no dire immediacy that required him to do it right then and there, or in that manner, but the plot needed to move us along so that’s how it goes.

It really doesn’t help that, prior to all this, there’s absolutely no indication at all that Rose nor Oleana are bad guys.  They’re just business folk who appear to have nothing but good intentions and support for Leon, with the other adults of the cast all happily trusting them.  There is nothing to make them seem suspicious in practice and they offer no reason to doubt them at all, so them suddenly being the bad guys is just confusing.  Further, how the player is first introduced to the concept of them being antagonists is easily the most ridiculous logic jump and overreaction I’ve seen since the old Adam West Batman television show.  So get this: after a battle, Leon says he’ll meet Player and Hop for dinner to celebrate.  Player and Hop wait for Leon, but he never shows up.  Another NPC explains that Leon was called in for a last-minute meeting by Chairman Rose (who is his boss and has made such requests of Leon’s time throughout the game, as I feel is important to point out) and apologizes for having to miss the dinner plans.  Simple enough sort of situation, right?  The sort of thing that any reasonable person would shrug and say “Well, that sucks but okay, let’s go eat on our own then” to, right?  So what happens here instead?

The Player, Hop, Marnie, and her Gym Leader brother GATHER A SMALL MOB AND STORM CHAIRMAN ROSE’S BUSINESS HQ, FIGHTING THEIR WAY THROUGH SECURITY.

I mean, escalation much?  We all have smartphones - just send Leon a text, for goodness’ sake.  I’m playing through these events constantly going “why the hell are we doing this and why is everyone acting like it’s some sort of dire emergency?”.  And do you know what happens when we finally kick down the doors to Chairman Rose’s office?  We find Chairman Rose and Leon quietly having a peaceful chat, after which Leon apologizes for having to cancel the dinner plans and we all walk out together like nothing happened.  It was just this huge, needless overreaction that has no consequence and that neither Rose nor Leon even bat an eye at.  We, as the players, learn absolutely nothing of importance and are back on the Gym Challenge immediately with no functional changes to the narrative.

Like... what was the point of that?!  How was that the best option to try and put Chairman Rose and his underlings into the role of antagonists for us to oppose?

So what is Chairman Rose’s EVIL SCHEME anyway?  Basically he wants to provide Galar with renewable clean energy which... uh... is bad?  Somehow?  Apparently he plans to use a Legendary Pokemon called Eternatus - apparently the source of Dynamaxing - which is literally never mentioned at any point in the game except precisely when it’s time to fight/capture it, nor does fighting/capturing it have any impact on the story or setting.  You would think that the player being in control of a massive Eldritch horror that has UNLIMITED POWER at its disposal would be something of a sticking point somewhere in the story, but no.  Eternatus and Rose’s plan are never mentioned until precisely the time you need to deal with them, and once that’s done they’re both never mentioned again.  Done and done all in one.  No gradual seeding of information, no hints and clues throughout the game, no development of lore - just wham, bam, thank you ma’am and off we go.

Y’know, call me silly but in a game that has undertones referencing climate change, extinction of animal species, and criticisms against capitalism run amok, is it really a good idea to depict the guy advocating for clean energy to be bad?  That feels like a missed mark to me.

The post-game plot, should one bother to call it that, is just inane.  It basically boils down to a pair of one-shot baddies who show up and say “Ha ha! We’re rich and that means we’re better than everyone! Watch as we cause trouble for vague reasons, get hoist by our own petard, and then fuck off forever! Byeeeee~!”  The post-game is completely pointless and doesn’t add anything of value at all.  Which, again, compare to older games like ORAS’ post-game expansion content and it’s nothing but a damn shame.

SwSh’s writing is shallow and limited at best, with one-dimensional characters, no genuine conflict or resolution, terrible pacing, and repetitive elements that boomerang around over and over and over again to the point of annoyance.  Compared to what we’ve seen Pokemon achieve in earlier titles like BW, ORAS, and SuMo, it makes it all the more obvious that SwSh was not given ANYWHERE near the time and love it needed in development and is a massive downgrade in that respect.

Con - Lots of Style, No Substance To wrap all this up - I enjoyed playing SwSh as much as I did any other early Pokemon game.  I think that, as a first installment on a new system, it’s fine.  That’s all - it’s just fine.  It’s serviceable as a means of establishing the franchise onto the Switch and completing its move off purely-mobile mediums like the Gameboy and 3DS.  It’s pretty to look at and has a superficial level of engagement, but its prettiness and level of content very quickly reveal themselves to be only skin deep.  Once you get past the initial gloss there’s really nothing to this game compared to the content, involvement, and writing quality displayed in past titles on lesser-powered systems.  The towns are all pretty but there’s nothing to do in any of them aside from a Gym battle - there’s no additional fun to be had in each location, making them little more than set pieces.  The characters have initial appeal and potential for more, but the game never explores them at all.  There’s room for a bigger narrative and interesting story with the elements presented, but no opportunity to actually see them fleshed out.  The Wild Area seems big and involved at first, but as soon as you’ve gone around its loop once or twice you suddenly realize how small and compartmentalized it really is, and it lacks any reason to revisit in the end game.  The major game play function - Dynamaxing/Gigantamaxing - is little more than a novelty that is basically irrelevant to gameplay itself and, in an absolutely baffling decision by the folk behind the official competitive scene, is actually somehow banned from being used in competitions?  Like, not even “we’ve disabled the Dynamax button in online” but rather “if the competitive Pokemon you’ve spent so much time perfectly constructing has a Gigantamax form, it will not even be allowed access at all, so you better have an identical non-Gigantamax version on hand if you want to play”.  So, what exactly is the point of even having Gigantamax Pokemon then?

Everything about SwSh seems half-baked.  The ideas are there but they aren’t finished.  It should have been given much more development time and, having been in the position of the creative/dev team under demands from the shareholders, I completely sympathize with Game Freak’s devs in all this.  SwSh is ultimately a weak product but one with a lot of good ideas that weren’t given the chance to really shine.  As such, I’ve got rather high hopes for the next installment to improve on the unfortunately thin foundation SwSh has set.  Game Freak’s team has given us some amazing Pokemon games in the past and, assuming they’re given sufficient time and resources to make a title to their satisfaction, I have every confidence they’ll do so again.

[benisasoftboi]

A Very Serious Pokemon Theory

A while ago I wrote a 2,406 word essay about Pokémon Live! that I thought no one would read. And then, apparently, a few people actually did read it. I found this incredibly flattering - and have also taken it as a challenge to write something even more niche and completely unnecessary.

I will therefore be attempting to convince you of my theory that Pokemon Live! (the Pokemon live-action stage musical) and the Pokemon Christmas Bash music album actually take place in the same universe - one that is more similar to our own than any other in the franchise. My explanation will include reference to the American military, Jesus, politics, infinite multiverses, and the Broadway musical The Book of Mormon. I feel that I should warn for very frequent reference to homophobia, as well as a brief reference to something that could be seen as anti-Semitic. Also, someone will get a Tony Award at the end.

If any of that intrigues, please read on.

The Works In Question

I’m going to briefly explain what Pokemon Live! and Pokemon Christmas Bash are - the initiated can feel free to skip down to the next section if they want.

Pokemon Live! was a live action Pokemon musical that toured in the US from September 2000 to January 2001. It is best known among Pokemon fans for including a subplot that revealed that Ash’s mother and Giovanni dated, possibly implying that Giovanni is Ash’s father - leading to an incredible showdown between Ash and Giovanni where Giovanni, no joke, taunts Ash (a child) by implying that he slept with Ash’s mother, and then follows that up by telling him that nice guys finish last.

Outside of Pokemon fandom, it is mostly known because the character of James was played by a young Andrew Rannells. Rannells would go on to be a very successful Broadway and television actor. One of the things he’s best known for is originating the role of Elder Price in the musical The Book of Mormon. He has, as of writing, been personally nominated for two Tonys, but won neither. This will be relevant later.

Pokemon Live! can be watched for free on YouTube, albeit in very poor quality. It follows Ash trying to win a ‘Diamond Badge’, which is actually a ruse by Giovanni to train his (~mechanical marrrrrvel~) Mecha Mewtwo. It’s a really fun, bizarre ride, because there’s something weirdly earnest about it - like the creators were genuinely, sincerely trying to make a good musical. They did not succeed. It’s a dumpster fire. But a glorious one. 

Pokemon Christmas Bash is an album released at Christmas 2001. It features 10 Pokemon themed Christmas songs, some of which are covers of existing songs, and others which are entirely original. The singers are all members of the 4Kids anime cast. Most of the songs are hilarious, and it’s obvious that everyone was having fun with the whole thing (contrasting Pokemon Live!, which was apparently absolute hell to work on). 

Fun fact, at least one of the songs was written by Eric Stuart, James’s original English voice actor (unless you want to get anal about it, in which case I’m talking about James’s second voice actor, following Ted Lewis, who did all of seven episodes versus Stuart’s hundreds). All in all, there’s not a lot else to say about it (for now). It can all be listened to online, but a physical copy will set you back a hundred dollars or so.

Both Pokemon Live! and Pokemon Christmas Bash are American-made entries into the franchise, and are therefore considered non-canon by most fans. I find this attitude very boring, especially since the Generation 6 games established Pokemon to exist in an infinite multiverse rather than just one fictional universe with one canon. There’s no reason these two can’t exist in their own bizarro canon universe, far away from the rest of the franchise - and I am now going to begin presenting my theory.

The Weirdest Line In Pokemon Live!

Pokemon Live! is filled with strange moments. Mewtwo Ex Machina. Team Rocket on scooters. Brock stopping the entire plot to sing and dance about his polyamorous inclinations towards much older women. 

But the strangest (to me) is when James references Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. By name. Seriously, here’s the quote:

Well yeah, but where does [Mecha Mewtwo] stand on campaign finance reform, social security, and Don’t Ask Don’t Tell?

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, for the unfamiliar, was America’s policy regarding gay and bisexual individuals serving in the military, instituted in 1994, and repealed in 2011. The policy basically meant that if you wanted to serve, you had to stay in the closet - but also no one could harass or try to out you. In other words - ‘it’s okay that you’re having gay thoughts, so long as you never act upon them’. (Was that an inappropriate time to make a reference? Can’t be more inappropriate than referencing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell in a Pokemon musical, surely...) 

I talked about the meta-level homophobic implications of this line last time, but here, we’re looking at this from an in-universe perspective. It raises important questions.

This must mean Pokemon Live! takes place in Pokemon America, as opposed to the Pokemon Very-Loosely-Japan that we see in the anime and games. So if there is a Pokemon American military, what other American staples are there Pokemon versions of?

So why is there homophobia in this version of the Pokemon universe? No other Pokemon universe has homophobia (sidenote, is it not a little bit darkly funny that the most homophobic piece of Pokemon media is the musical?). In fact, most other Pokemon universes are kind of progressive, if anything - very equal opportunity regardless of race, gender, nation regionality.

Pokemon Christmas Bash has us covered.

Nobody Don’t Like Christmas

Everything we need to know comes from the fourth song on this album - ‘Nobody Don’t Like Christmas’. 

This song is sung entirely by Meowth, and well. Look. Maddie Blaustein was a very talented voice actress. Perhaps she was also a good singer when not doing the Meowth voice, I don’t know. 

But Meowth should not sing. Singing and Meowth do not go together. No one should have heard that voice and thought ‘let’s give that character a song’. It happened in the anime as well, and it’s the worst part of an otherwise great episode. 

If you can look past the grating vocals, though, this song is incredible. The whole thing is a three minute diss track for every non-Christmas holiday, going everywhere from shaming the dateless on Valentine’s Day, to pointing out that Thanksgiving isn’t all that fun for the turkeys, to just straight up declaring St. Patrick’s Day to be dull.

But there are three important lines here to consider.

The first is my personal favourite line in the whole song. 

The Fourth of July / Can be a real drag / If you can’t get no one to salute your flag

Firstly, I love that Meowth is offering the warning that patriotism can only go so far and that eventually citizens’ blind loyalty to country will evaporate if given sufficient reason, leaving celebration of said country hollow and meaningless. A bold choice for Christmas 2001. Not to mention a necessary message for today. 

More importantly though, this suggests that these songs might be being sung by specifically American versions of the main cast. The Fourth of July is a holiday only an American would reference in a song like this, as no other country celebrates it - it definitely wouldn’t come up if they were, say, British, for example (in that case, would probably mention Guy Fawkes Night instead). Even more unlikely if they’re Japanese.

However - it’s worth remembering that Meowth is actually canonically American (he is from Hollywood), meaning it isn’t unreasonable for him to make this reference. This is where line number two comes into play.

Memorial Day is a day to forget!

That’s right, everyone.

Meowth hates the troops.

It’s true. Why else would he dismiss this holiday?

But why does Meowth hate the troops?

We return to Pokemon Live! for answers.

Pokemon and the American Military

Interestingly enough, these are not the only franchise entries that mention the American military. Gym Leader Lt. Surge was explicitly described to be an American soldier in the early games (also fun but not really relevant fact, his anime counterpart shares his English voice actress with Meowth - if him having a voice actress seems odd, the explanation is that Blaustein was a trans woman, and so mostly played male roles as they suited her voice better). 

Real world locations have been gradually phased out as the franchise has continued, and later games implied that he is now from Unova, the region based on America. 

Meowth never seemed to have a problem with Surge in the anime, suggesting that in that version, he does not hate the troops. So what’s different in Christmas Bash?

There’s only one explanation.

Remember, Pokemon Live! establishes the existence of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Also remember - James and Meowth are good friends. And James is gay.

What? That’s always been ambiguous, you say? 

Go watch Pokemon Live! and tell me that version of James isn’t gay. Watch one scene with him in it. Go watch it and then tell me that man is straight. Go and do it. You can’t. Pokemon Live! James is gay as Christmas.

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is a policy that discriminates against gay people. James may not be a soldier, but it still does reflect social attitudes towards discrimination, and so is something he would likely oppose on general principle. And as James’s friend, Meowth would likely do the same.

Meowth hates the troops because he is an ally.

And so we have our definitive connection. This also confirms that we are in America in both entries.

Probably Blasphemy

So what’s the third important line then?

Who wants to go through all that Yom Kippuren?  

A reference to Yom Kippur. This is a Jewish holiday that I do not feel equipped to explain, due to my definitely not being Jewish, but I understand it to be extremely important in the Jewish faith. 

Essentially saying that it’s too tedious in a song about how great Christmas is doesn’t seem like a great look, 4Kids, just saying. I doubt it was done maliciously but like... still.

However, this confirmation of the existence of Judaism confirms something much bigger - the existence of religion. Another American staple! 

Up until now, this has been ambiguous. Sure, we’ve been referencing Christmas all this time, but there have been no references to Christ, so we could assume that Christmas is a secular holiday with a weird name. It’s already somewhat secular in the real world - my family couldn’t get less religious and we celebrate it. But if there is Judaism, it is totally reasonable to assume there is Christianity. And that opens a whole floodgate.

So firstly, this finally gives us an explanation for where Pokemon Don’t Ask Don’t Tell probably came from! After all, which religion is most associated with homophobia in real-world America? (No hate towards non-homophobic Christians, just for the record, but like... this is a problem, to put it mildly). So this further solidifies the connection, putting them in the same universe.

Plus, the song ends with Meowth stating that he actually hates Christmas! So Meowth is again being an ally - he’s just, like, the kind that takes it really, really far and maybe needs to chill just a little?

Secondly, this makes a certain line from another song on Pokemon Christmas Bash even funnier, where Brock replaces the beginning of the hymn Joy To The World with:

Nurse Joy is a girl / She sure is fun / But I like Jenny too!

Because this means that covering that song with those lyrics isn’t just kind of inappropriate out-of-universe, it’s also inappropriate in-universe!

But what’s really messing with me is the hundreds of new questions Pokemon Christianity raises. How do they reconcile Arceus with God? Is God in this universe a metal goat, or do they coexist? Was there Pokemon Jesus? I’m not sure I’m okay with Pokemon Jesus. If there is Pokemon Jesus, did Pokemon help with the crucifixion (the Timburr line seem like they’d have been helpful)? Or was Jesus like, a baby Arceus, and therefore probably quite difficult to crucify? Is there Pokemon Heaven? Is there Pokemon Hell? How do the Pokemon Christians feel about Mr. Mime, who is clearly an insult to God? What is a Pokemon church service like? Are there different sects of Pokemon Christianity? Were there Pokemon religious wars? Are there Pokemon Catholics? Pokemon Protestants? Pokemormons???

I don’t like this.

And here’s another question.

Remember how I mentioned how Andrew Rannells played James? And how he also originated Elder Price in Book of Mormon?

Well. Here’s the thing. 

Pokemormons are a very real possibility. If there is Christianity, and also America, then it wouldn’t be unlikely for them to exist in this universe.

However, we have determined that this is one universe, and therefore, James and Andrew Rannells cannot coexist. Only James exists in this universe.

So who first played Elder Price in The Book of Pokemormon?

Okay, So, Full Disclosure, This Is Basically Just My Fanfiction Now, But the Sunk Cost Fallacy Says You’ll Probably Stick Around Since You’ve Already Read Over 2,000 Words Of This Nonsense By This Point, and I’m Going to Take Advantage of That

I think it was James. 

I think James went on to start a Broadway career. I think he was in an unlicensed Karate Kid musical, and was Tall in Jersey Boys, and then wound up as Elder Price. I think he did a great job. I think he got nominated for a Tony when award season came round, along with lots of other people involved with The Book of Pokemormon. 

But he didn’t win it. Norbert Leo Butz won it for Catch Me If You Can (I had to look that up, was planning on changing it to a Pokemon-joke title - but what do you know, it already has one. Serendipity!). 

James no longer has a Broadway career. But he does have a Tony.

He stole it.

Because here’s the thing - Team Rocket are actually pretty good at crime when Ash and Co. aren’t around. Remember that one time they stole an entire stadium?

They could have literally stolen the whole show, but instead they just stole one thing - that Tony Award. And so James now has an award for Best Actor in a Musical, as well as the unofficial award for Most Extra Thing Ever Done At The Tonys. 

James disappears, but his legacy remains. In this universe, all Elder Prices have lavender hair - fans reject any Price who tries to avoid this. 

Meanwhile, Jessie, James and Meowth sail off into the sunset in their balloon. James is happy. Don’t Ask Don’t Tell will be repealed soon. He will have a chat with Meowth about overzealous allyship, though he appreciates it all the same. He smiles at his friend Jessie and takes her hand. Christmas is a long way off, but he can’t help but be excited all of a sudden. He’ll spend it with his family - Jessie, Meowth, and now, his stolen Tony Award.

In the meantime, they’ll do what they love best.

Be gay and do crime.

What Have We Learnt?

This is the most homophobic Pokemon universe we know of

It’s also a universe where everything is set in America

Meowth is surprisingly politically aware

Meowth hates the troops

There was a Pokemon Jesus

4Kids maybe should have hired some sensitivity readers

James from Pokemon possesses more Tony Awards than Andrew Rannells 

I have way too much free time

Anyway, this was 2,698 words long and a terrible use of literally everyone’s time. It is rambly and extremely self-indulgent and goes off on countless tangents and you could probably poke like ten holes in it without trying. Please don’t take any of this seriously. It’s now 4 AM. Thank you and goodnight.