#Unexpected Coparenting | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

absurdthirst · 2 years

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New Year, New Life {Javier Peña x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 17.7k

Warnings: Protected sex, finger, vaginal sex, oral sex (female receiving), unexpected pregnancy, mentions of abortion, childbirth, mentions of breastfeeding, angst, coparenting. unrequited feelings, Dad!Javi comes with his own warning.

Comments: When Javier Peña runs away from the wedding to Lorraine, he ends up at your house and your bed. One night with him resulting in an unexpected pregnancy, making both of you decide to co-parent while Javi is in Colombia.

A/N: Happy New Years!!!!!

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

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Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

“Come in Peña.” You say over the dispatch radio in your office. “Peña” comes his reply and you smile, “slow night, huh?” You chuckle.

He grins, sitting in his car as he watches the cars pass by on the highway. “Always. Laredo is boring as shit.”

You chuckle at his bored tone, “sounds like you need some action.” You fluster as you realize your words. Javier Peña is off limits, he’s with Lorraine. Engaged to Lorraine. Marrying Lorraine next week. You clear your throat, “I mean. It’s too quiet.” You look over at the board, “I have coffee and donuts for when you’re back.”

Javi rolls his eyes, grinning even as he’s pressing the button on his radio. “Donuts?” He huffs playfully. “Whadya think? I’m that pendejo Rodriguez?” He jokes, knowing that the entire department knows of his disdain for the portly detective who never managed to collar any of the runners that seem to be growing in numbers from across the border.

You giggle, shaking your head, and you know Javier thinks Rodríguez is an idiot. Letting go those drug mules that cross the border because “it’s not his department. That’s the DEA’s bullshit, not ours.” You push your button, “no. Just figured you’d want something sweet after being out all night. Although I’m sure Lorraine has your breakfast ready for you when you get home.” You release the button, trying to not let yourself think about Javi and Lorraine. She’s gorgeous and you’re…not his type. Never will be. He’s going to be a married man.

Javi winces, thinking about how angry Lorraine had been with him before he had left for work tonight. Once again arguing about how he should leave the sheriff’s department and join her father’s business, but he has zero interest in being a ‘businessman’. Javier Peña enjoyed bringing in the criminals, making them pay for hurting others. “Ehhhh, probably not.” He drawls. “I’ll be lucky if she lets me sleep on the couch when I get home.”

You wince, “ouch. Doesn’t sound like marital bliss.” You shake your head, cursing yourself for your comment, “I mean - all couples have spats. Anyway. I have a donut here for you if you want it.” You release the button, knowing that Javier will likely head straight home like he always does, not stopping for long since he has to get home to his fiancée. You know it’s wrong to have a crush on a taken man, but these nightly talks just deepen your crush on him.

“Nah, I’ll stop by.” He promises, looking at another car passing by. “I’ll be there in about twenty minutes if you want to make a fresh pot of that sludge the sheriff likes.” He chuckles, knowing how much you rolled your eyes and kept a stash of ‘good’ coffee in your desk drawer for overnights. He likes talking to you and maybe he can get some insight into how to keep Lorraine happy. It seems like it’s getting more and more difficult as the wedding approaches. He feels like it’s just stress, but he finds himself wishing the entire thing would just be over with, although he doesn’t quite see himself settled into domestic bliss with her. A guilty feeling he pushes off and tries to ignore.

“Sure thing. See you soon. Over and out.” You tell him, releasing the button and you grab the good coffee from your drawer. Javier is just a friend, he’s getting married next week. You need to get over your crush on him, it’s not right.

****

It’s Javier’s wedding day, most of the station is in attendance except you. Sure, you got an invite but you decided to volunteer for the shift, not wanting to have to watch Javi marry the beautiful Lorraine. It’s nearly three in the afternoon so Javi should be married by now. You sigh and grab your coat, deciding to head home now your replacement is here for the night shift. When you arrive at your house, a suited up Javi is pacing on your porch. “Javi? What are you doing here?” You frown after you kill the engine and step out of the car.

“Hey.” Javi has stripped down to his tuxedo shirt and his pants, the tie, vest and jacket in his truck. “I-uh, I just- do you mind if we go inside?” He’s jittery and full of doubts and conflicting emotions but he knows he didn’t want to go to the church. It’s too late by now anyway, Lorraine has been stood up. He watches you hustle up the walkway and sighs in relief. “I just- I was driving to the church.” The cigarette in his mouth bobbles as he talks, the ash long and nearly falling off. “But then I just drove past and made a loop back here.”

You don’t answer, confused by his disheveled look and the fact that he’s not at the altar getting married. You unlock your front door, sensing him following you inside and he politely snubs out his smoke before entering your home. “I - why aren’t you married?” You ask, addressing the elephant in the room as Javi shuts the door behind him.

“I don’t want to marry her.” Javi admits it out loud for the first time since he had asked Lorraine to marry him. He had felt pressured, and the scare about the baby that turned out to be a false positive made him think that he had to do the right thing. Except, right before the last second, he had changed his mind. “I don’t want to marry Lorraine.”

You stare at him for a moment, shocked at his confession, and you can see that it’s a weight off of his chest. The relief in his eyes is evident and you don’t waste a moment stepping forward and wrapping your arms around his waist. “That’s okay. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.” You promise, wanting to be there for him, to show him how much you care.

Javi has never touched you, beyond your elbow or arm when he’s walking you out to your car at night. He never let himself, ignoring his attraction to you because it’s a small fucking town and he was with Lorraine. He’s an asshole, but he doesn’t cheat, his pop would bury him where no one would find his body if he found out Javier Peña ran around on his girl. Now though…..he’s free to do what he wants.

When he doesn’t respond, you pull back, swallowing harshly. “I, uh, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have - I know it’s - shit. I’m sorry Javi. I’ll, uh, I’ll go make some coffee.” Your cheeks are on fire, your heart pounding and you feel sick with awkwardness as you turn towards your kitchen, desperate to get away from the disaster you created.

Javi follows you, watching the nervous way you get everything set up. It’s calming for him, watching you make the coffee, something he can rely on. It’s going to be a shit storm over the next few weeks, but luckily he won’t be here. “I- I resigned from the sheriff’s department.” He admits, making you freeze and whip your head around to look at him. “Yesterday. I-“ he shuffles slightly. “I got accepted into the DEA.”

You stare at him in surprise, shocked at the sudden decision but then you think about the times Javi has talked about wanting to do more, to stop the drugs crossing the border. He’s been to too many OD calls for one lifetime. He has always mentioned wanting to change things. “Oh wow. That’s, uh, that’s amazing. Don’t you - you have to go to the academy?” He nods and you mimic him, “when do you leave?” Your heart breaks but you know he is following his own.

“I am supposed to go in a week, give me time for the honeymoon.” Javi shuffles, remembering the argument with Lorraine about that. She somehow thought they were supposed to have a month of not doing anything but fucking. Which, Javi would never turn down, but he was excited to go to the academy. “But I think I might just go early. Get out of town and avoid the drama.”

You nod in understanding, “I get that. Get away from the looks. I - I hope you are happy there. Of course, I’m going to miss you. Miss our talks. Rodriguez just isn’t that same.” That makes Javi chuckle and you turn on the coffee machine in your kitchen, the whirling noise indicating it’s working. “I’m going to miss you.” You tell him with a soft smile.

He’s good at reading people. It’s a skill that he’s used before Lorraine and reading your body language, he takes a step closer to you. Stepping into your space and watching the way your pupils change, dilating. “I’m going to miss you too.” He admits, slowly reaching for you. It’s not wrong, he’s not with Lorraine and he needs to distract him and touch you. No, he’s wanted to touch you, and now he can.

When his hands grip your waist, your breathing stops and your heart pounds. When his head leans in towards yours, you’re certain your heart is going to stop. When his lips meet yours, you’re certain you’ve died. Freezing for a moment, you are shocked at the kiss, until you remember that this is the first and last chance you’ll ever have to kiss Javier Peña. You respond to the kiss, tangling your fingers in his hair to pull him even closer.

Once you don’t push him away, Javi groans. His tongue slides into your mouth and his kisses turn hungry. Devouring your mouth and pulling you closer. Hands move from your waist to grip your ass firmly while he moves you both against the counter.

You whimper into the kiss, unable to stop yourself and you gasp when his tongue slides along your lower lip. You eagerly allow him access and he grabs the back of your thighs, lifting you up onto the counter. Your heart pounds and you slide your hands down his back, tugging on his tucked in dress shirt as you are desperate to touch more of him.

Javi loves sex. Loves the taste and feel of a woman. Losing himself in their soft body and their moans taking over every thought in his head. Your fingers on his skin makes him groan into your mouth, his own eager hands trying to get under your clothes as quickly as possible so he can finally feel you.

You gasp when he kisses along your neck. His hands dragging your shirt over your head and you let him, exposing your lace bra and you whine his name when his lips kiss along your cleavage. You know this is wrong, he’s just stood his bride up at the altar but you can’t stop, this need you’ve had for him finally coming out.

His teeth scrap along your skin and he kisses down the lacy front so he can suck on your nipple through the fabric. Loving how you are whining and tugging on his hair. He hisses and just sucks harder, working it into a hard nub and grinning up at you when you look down at him.

You moan at the way his teeth nips at your flesh and you run your fingers through his hair. “Fuck Javi.” You moan, tilting your head back and you hiss when you hit it on the cupboard behind.

“Shit. You okay?” Javi asks after pulling back from your breast.

“Yes. I- bedroom?” You ask, wondering if he wants more.

His eyes flash and he nods, pulling back and helping you down from the counter. “Lead the way, baby.” He doesn’t know where your room is and he doesn’t want to push you but if you want him in your bed, he will be there. “Better than the counter. More room to touch you.”

You take his hand, knowing you can never come back from this. He’s leaving but you know this one night will be all he can ever give you. You’ll take it, you want him enough to take it. You guide him to your bedroom, opening the door with your free hand and you flick on the light switch as you enter. You turn to look at him, reaching up to unbutton that white dress shirt.

You are in your bra and jeans, looking beautiful and Javi’s eyes flutter slightly as your fingers brush over his skin. It’s wrong to sleep with you and leave the next day, but he needs to touch you. His fingers hook into your jeans and underwear to start to pull them down, wanting to see how wet you are.

You step out of your jeans, reaching behind you to unhook your bra, and you stand in front of him, nude and vulnerable while he’s almost fully dressed. You lean in to kiss his jaw, pushing the shirt off of his shoulders, eager to feel more of him.

“Jesus.” Javi hisses, hands caressing your hips and squeezing your ass. His cock is throbbing in his tuxedo trousers and he needs to be inside you. Letting go of your ass, he starts to fumble with his belt. “Always wanted you.” He confesses, ripping the belt open and working on the hook in the waistband.

Javi tosses the belt to the floor and you can’t help but reach out to squeeze him through his pants. “Fuck Javi. I need you to touch me.” You plead, “I need you to fuck me.” You request with a whine, unbuttoning his pants.

There’s a satisfied smirk on his face as he reaches out and cups your tits. “Going to.” He promises. “Fuck, been so long since I’ve…” he breaks off, not wanting to talk about Lorraine, not right now. It’s been a long time since he’s been with someone other than his ex fiancée and takes over the second that you have his pants open, pushing them down and kicking them off while back you up to the bed.

You shuffle back onto the bed, sitting up on your elbows to watch him as he strips off, kicking off his polished shoes, and you swallow harshly at his hard cock. “Fuck.” You gasp under your breath, shifting onto your knees to take him into your mouth for just a moment until he’s pushing you away.

“Lay down.” He orders and you nod but pout, shifting to lay back down on the bed.

He has to pick up his pants again, reaching for his wallet to pull out the condom he keeps there. He’s only been with Lorraine for a long time, but he wants to keep you safe. “Fuck, look at you.” He growls, ripping open the foil with his teeth so he can roll the rubber down his stiff length.

You spread your legs for him, biting your lip as he shuffles closer, and when he notches his cock at your entrance after swiping the covered head through your folds, you whimper his name. “Please.” You beg, tired of him teasing you, and when he finally pushes into you, your head lolls on the pillow, eyes closing as your mouth falls open at the stretch.

Javi’s jaw drops, groaning as he pushes through your walls. Feeling how tight you are squeezing around him as he fills you until the coarse hairs at the base of his cock are grinding against your soaked folds. “Fuck.” He hisses, leaning down and kissing you while he takes a moment. Both to give you time to adjust to hun and to allow him to relax, not wanting to blow his load too quickly.

You caress his back, just enjoying how he feels inside of you, filling you up and stretching you out. “God, you feel so good.” You murmur, realizing he hasn’t even moved yet. You reach down to squeeze his ass, silently encouraging him to move, while his lips kiss along your neck.

Groaning, he starts to slowly rock into you. Savoring this since he knows he will be leaving tomorrow. It's for the best. To break free and let people talk about how he had jilted Lorraine. Plus he doesn't want anyone to bother you and he knows that he won't be able to stay away from you if he's in town. Not when he now knows how you feel. "Fuck, this is- you are- fuck." He hisses, gritting his teeth.

You sigh as he sets an unhurried place, slowly rocking into you, and you whimper when he pushes deep. “Oh God. Javi.” You whimper, lifting your legs onto his hips to send him even deeper inside of you. You rock up to meet his thrusts, gasps and moans escaping your lips.

He can't stop kissing along your neck and shoulders. His mustache brushes over every inch of skin as his lips trail along with it. Covering your body with his lips and learning what makes you sigh and moan when he pushes his hips slightly harder or nips at your pulse. It's enough to make him forget about everything from the last few hours, concentrating on making you feel good and the way your hips start to rock up in addition to his.

You moan, “oh God. Javi. So - always wanted you. Just - you were engaged. Didn’t want - I didn’t want to - I’m not that kind of woman. Fuck baby.” You moan when he pushes deep inside of you, hitting just the right spot and the combination of his cock hitting you just right along with his like kissing along your neck. It sends you over the edge and you cry out his name.

“Fuuuuuck.” Javi growls, rocking his hips to work you through it, but he’s pulling out of your body just as soon as you are done cumming. You whimper and reach for him, but he’s already moving. Kissing and biting down your body before he is kneeling between your thighs, his hand squeezing his condom covered cock while he ducks his head and licks your cunt.

“Oh shit!” You squeal when his tongue slides through your folds, flicking your clit until he sucks it between his lips. Your hand finds his hair and you tug on it, pushing him deeper into your pussy. “Yes Javi. Oh shit.” You’re overstimulated but you’re pushed into your next orgasm, thighs shaking as he licks and sucks until you are pushed over the edge.

His mouth gentles but he keeps licking. Slowly letting his tongue slide over your swollen clit and down to dip into your entrance and gather the slick you are leaking with a satisfied hum. Taking his time and only when he’s ready and his mouth is soaked in you does he start kissing back up your body. He had been slowly jerking his cock so he is still ready to push back inside you.

Your head spins with pleasure as he pushes back inside of you, your moan echoes in your bedroom and you grip his upper arms, looking at him and the way his jaw clenches with concentration. “I want you to cum for me baby but I never want this to end.” You admit with a whimper, lifting your head so you can nip his jaw.

“So good.” Javi moans in your ear, panting as he rocks into you again and again. Instead of bracing his weight on his arms, he tucks them under you, pulling you close and burying his nose against your throat. “Fuck baby, you’re perfect.”

You wrap your arms around him, keeping him close, and his hips rock into you. You hook your ankles together behind his back, and you couldn’t get closer to him. “Fuck baby. It’s so good. You’re so good. Perfect.” You echo his prior words, his cock pushing deep and you pant when he hits something that makes you cry out.

“Shit.” He hisses, loving how tight you squeeze him. He doesn’t know if you are faking it or if you are just that responsive to him, but he loves it. Turning his head, he kisses you. His mouth slanting over yours while his hips snap harder, pushing towards his own release.

“Cum for me.” You beg breathlessly, your cunt fluttering around his cock as he keeps hitting that spot and within a few thrusts, you’re sent over the edge again. “Fuck!” You choke, “cu-cum for me. Cum for me. Please baby.” You plead, body shaking underneath him.

Jaw clenched and eyes squeezed shut, Javi starts to cum. Gasping and immediately starting to bite along your jaw, he pours himself into the condom with filthy groans and stuttered thrusts before he pushes deep.

You moan, stroking his back as he rocks himself through his high. You kiss along his neck, relaxing back into the mattress, and you caress his skin. “So good.” You murmur, closing your eyes.

Humming agreement, he can’t help but lay there for another moment. Closing his eyes and sighing before he shuffles his hips up so he can reach between you and hold the base of the condom as he slips out of you. Stumbling out of the bed, he walks out of the room to dispose of it in your bathroom.

You sit up, watching him as he strides back into your bedroom with a rag. You smile, shyly spreading your legs as you wait for him to clean you up. “Thank you baby.” You murmur, watching him and you close your legs and shift to settle against the pillows. “So…when do you leave for the DEA?”

Javi’s fingers itch for a cigarette but he doesn’t reach for his pack. Sighing softly, he picks up his tuxedo trousers and shoves his legs into them without any underwear on. He’ll have to go outside to smoke and he can’t do that naked. Leaving them unzipped, he sits down on the side of the bed and reaches over to caress your side, sliding his hand down your leg as he chews on his lip. “I was thinking about leaving tomorrow.” He admits quietly. “Get there early.”

You nod, watching him as he caresses your leg. “Yeah? Well, I, um, guess I should wish you good luck. You gonna be coming back to Laredo?” You ask and he shakes his head, “if I do a good job, I’ll be assigned somewhere. Dunno where yet.”

You reach up to cup his cheek, “you’re gonna be amazing, baby. Go smoke. I know you want to. I’ll get cleaned up and we can say our goodbyes.” You know that he won’t stay, this was one night. Only one night. He’s leaving and you need to be happy for the one night you had with him.

“Kicking me out already?” Javi lifts a brow at you, surprised that you aren’t trying to get him to spend the night. Although he knows you might not want his truck seen in front of your place. “I get it. That way you don’t have Lorraine on your ass.”

You sit up, covering yourself with your blanket, “it’s not that. It’s just - this is a one time thing. I don’t want to keep you from your plans. We aren’t together. We aren’t in love.” You lie a little there, pretty sure you love Javier but you’ll keep that to yourself. He deserves to get out of Laredo and achieve his dreams without you holding him back. “Besides, I’m sure you wanna go see your dad.”

Staring at you for a moment, Javi nods. It hurts to hear that you don’t care about him a little but he can’t be an asshole and pretend he wants to create a life here with you. “Agreed.” He murmurs softly, reaching out and cupping your cheek. “But I’ll call you from Washington.” He promises, smiling slightly before he leans in and presses his lips to your gently.

You smile, nodding as he pulls back, “you better Peña.” He winks at you as he shrugs on his shirt, buttoning it up, and you make your way over to the bathroom to grab the robe you keep on the back of the door. When Javi puts his shoes on, you follow you out of the bedroom. You cup his cheeks, allowing yourself one more kiss as he stands by the front door. “Be happy Javi.” You murmur, caressing his neck.

He hums, “I’ll try, sweetheart. You do the same.” He kisses your forehead, “I’ll call you.” With that promise, he opens the front door and he’s walking down the path. When he’s gone, you allow yourself one night to cry over what you nearly had.

****

The phone keeps ringing and ringing, the tone in your ear is different from the U.S but you need to speak to him. You’ve gone through multiple security questions at the embassy to get hold of Peña and finally you’re waiting for him to pick up the phone.

Javi glares at the phone, cigarette hanging from his lips and he contemplates not answering it at all, but it could be a lead. He’s been thrown in the deep end in Colombia and struggling to stay afloat and figure out how to catch this bastard. Huffing, he stops his typing and snatches up the receiver. “Peña.” He grunts, starting to peck away at the report again as he tucks the phone into his shoulder.

You sigh in relief when he answers, leaning against your kitchen wall. “Javi. It’s me.” You announce and hear him suck in a breath. It’s been three months since he left your house and you have missed him every day. Especially during the night shifts and at night when you think about him while in your bed alone. He says your name and it makes you swallow harshly.

“What’s up?” He asks, confused about why you’re calling him. He’s called a couple of times since he left to check in on his pops and the town climate after he stood up Lorraine at the altar but you don’t talk unless he calls you.

“I, uh, I have some news. I - fuck. I really don’t want to tell you this over the phone but, um, I’m pregnant. It’s yours.” You manage to blurt out.

Javi freezes for a moment, mind blank to everything but the news that you are pregnant. “Javi? Are you there?” You ask, the line is silent for so long you think the call has been lost.

“What? Yeah, uh, shit-“ Javi sinks back into his chair, reports forgotten and he stares at the cord stretching out between the receiver and the base. “Pregnant? I- fuck, I’m sorry.” He shakes his head slightly and wonders if the condom had broken. He hadn’t thought so but he also hadn’t been paying attention. “Are you- I’m assuming you're not going to-“ He knows that it’s becoming more common, but it’s still kind of shocking to think about abortions.

“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t on birth control and I thought the condom was enough and I wasn’t ovulating so I - shit. I, uh, I’ve known for a couple of days. Kind of wanted to think about it and figure out what I wanted. I want the baby. I'm going to keep it. You don’t - I don’t - I'm not asking you to be involved. You don’t have to be the father or come back here. I’ll be okay. My mom and dad are a few streets away and I know I can do this alone. I just wanted you to know.”

“Fuck that.” Javi instantly leans forward and shakes his head even though you can’t see him. Reaching for a pack of cigarettes to pull out another one, needing the extra nicotine. “No- I’m not going to- I’ll send you money, okay? For the baby.” He wants to make sure that you know he’s not asking for an abortion. “Not for- that.”

You close your eyes, “okay. I understand. I don’t want you to feel obligated. I know you went there for a new start and I’m not dragging you back to Laredo. I can do this alone and if you want…if you want, I can keep you updated. Just how I’m doing.”

Javi sighs, taking a drag from his cigarette and pinching his brow as he thinks. You sound disappointed, but he can’t go back right now. “I- keep me updated.” He tells you. “I’ll get- when the baby is due, I’ll come back to be there when you have it.” He decides suddenly, thinking about when that would be. It should be around Christmas if his math is right. “Is that okay? I- I want to be involved but I can’t- you can’t come to Colombia. It’s too dangerous here.”

“It’s okay Javi. It was one night - hell, one hour - together. Let’s make an agreement. We will coparent. I’ll keep you posted and we can figure out what to do but I want my baby to have a daddy, just - we will figure it out.” You tell him, placing your hand in your lower stomach. “I’m sure we don’t need the scandal either but I’m sure you want to tell your dad.”

“Yeah.” Javi agrees, taking another drag of his cigarette and blowing out the smoke. “You can go to pop if you need anything. What you tell everyone else…that’s up to you.” He doesn’t care, he doesn’t live in Laredo and you do. “But I’ll send you money and whatever else you need.” Javi might be considered an asshole but he’s a man who takes care of those that deserve it. He helped create this kid, and he’s going to take care of it. “I’ll try to come back in a couple of months, but when the baby comes for sure.”

You smile against the phone, knowing that he’s a good man despite him thinking he isn’t. You miss him but you never want to be the reason he resents coming back to Laredo. You’ll be fine with the baby. “Okay. I’ll keep you posted. Javi?” You ask softly and he murmurs, “yeah?” You bite your lip, “I miss you.” You tell him and hang up the phone, knowing you need to start making plans.

Javi stares at the phone for too long after you hang up. At least until the blaring of the tone jolts him out of his stupor. He huffs to himself and clicks the line to make another call, dialing a number from memory. One he’s known for his entire life and when the phone is picked up, Javi speaks. “Hey pop.”

“Javi, mijo. How are you? Everything okay?” Chucho asks his son. It’s unusual to get a call from his son unless it’s a special occasion or something bad has happened. He knows something is wrong, knows his son like the back of his own hand.

“Yeah, pop, everything’s- everything’s good.” He’s nervous, but he’s not freaking out about a baby like he expected to be. Maybe he hadn’t really let it sink in. Although it’s happened. “I’ve got to tell you something.” Javi confesses and mentions your name. “I went over to her house when I didn’t show up at the church and well….she’s pregnant, pop.”

Chucho taps his fingers on the table, “oh mijo. You- what have you done?” Chucho always knew this day would come. Ever since he gave Javier ‘the talk’ at fourteen and found out his son was already having sex.

“Pop.” Javi sighs, rubbing his forehead at the disappointed tone in his papa’s voice. “I- I wore a condom. It broke, I guess I - shit. She wants to keep it and I- I can’t leave here but I need to do the right thing.”

Chucho bites his lip, “what does she want?” Javi tells his dad about your plan to coparent. “Well, do you want to come back from Colombia?” Chucho asks Javi the million dollar question.

“No.” Javi is torn but he knows he needs to stay. “I’ve got to- Escobar- I can’t-“ Javi sighs. “I told her I want to come back. When the baby is born. And I do. But I can’t risk her here. There’s prices on our heads, pop. What would they do to a DEA agent’s family?” Kiki Camarena’s death wasn’t too long ago and while the DEA made a statement with their handling of it, he couldn’t risk his child. He shudders thinking of it. “I need to do this, pop.”

“Then you stay there and do as much as you can so you can get home to your child. I’ll look out for her, for them. She’s a strong girl. She can do this and you can support her as much as you possibly can. I will make sure she’s okay. Just get that bastard and come home when the baby is born.” Chucho orders his son who sighs down the phone.

“I love you pop.”

Chucho smiles, “love you too mijo.” After the line dies, Chucho sets the phone down. “Mierda.” Chucho sighs, rubbing his forehead and he looks up at the ceiling, “Maria. Your son…” He trails off with a snort.

****

“How did the appointment go?” Javi asks as soon as you pick up the phone. True to your word, you had let him know about your doctor’s appointment and today was a big one. He had been counting down the hours until you would be home from work. His home phone is hooked on his shoulder and he leans back on the sofa. The girl he had fucked, a prostitute named Helena, had left earlier and blows smoke up into the air guiltily.

You smile, rubbing your belly, now showing and you are already so in love with the baby in your belly. “It went well. Doctor said everything looks good. Gave me a shit ton of vitamins to take. I’m about four months along. Just starting to get a little bump. Morning sickness is a bitch. How are you?” You ask him, wondering what he’s been up to since you last spoke.

“I’m fine.” Javi tells you, although he’s not really. He’s chain smoking and drinking his weight in whiskey most days in order to be able to sleep for a little while. “It’s harder to get this son of a bitch than I thought.” He admits with a huff.

You bite your lip, knowing that Javier is struggling to get leads but you hope you can be a bit of light in the constant darkness he’s living in. “You’ll get him. Hey, maybe you’ll get him before the bean arrives.” You try to think positively, “I got the money. It’s too much Javi.”

“Shut up.” Javi huffs at you, rolling his eyes. “You need the money more than I do. The price of baby shit is insane.” He had cringed when he had seen the prices in the catalog he had ordered secretly, just to see what all they had for a baby. “How are you feeling? You said morning sickness. Like a hangover every morning?”

“Nausea like you wouldn’t believe. I’ve had to keep a trash can beside me at work. Thankfully, because it’s Night Shift, no one really questions me since no one is around but…I gotta start telling people soon, Jav. I saw Lorraine at the grocery store the other day. She looked…okay. She was with a guy. Maybe she’s dating. Do you want me to tell people you’re the father? We can keep it a secret.”

Javi thinks about it for a moment before he hums. “I want to leave that up to you.” He admits, feeling like it should be your call. “You know that it’s going to be rough if you tell them, and you’re the one who has to live with them.” He sighs. “But I’m not thinking about hiding myself from being involved. I want to be in the kid’s life.”

You hum, shifting the phone against your ear, “let’s leave it until it’s obvious that I’m showing. There’s going to be questions no matter what so let’s leave it for now. I’m not ashamed of you, of what we did, but people will put two and two together and realize we got pregnant when you ditched Lorraine.” You wince at the impending scandal but it’s unavoidable. “I just want to enjoy my pregnancy for a while longer before people start putting the scarlet letter on me.”

“It’s your decision, baby.” The endearment slipped out and Javi doesn’t even notice it. You’re the mother of his future child after all. “When will you find out what you're having?” He couldn’t exactly ask the women in the typing pool. It was better no one knew about you and the baby.

Your heart thumps at the endearment hur you shake your head, reminding yourself that you don’t have Javi, he is in Colombia. “My next appointment. Next month. 20 week scan.” You tell him, excited to find out too. “What do you want? Boy or girl?” You ask, curious about what Javier wants. You know you would love a girl but either way, you’re going to adore this baby.

“Honestly?” Javi chuckles to himself and his shoulders relax. Something about talking to you is soothing. Even if he should be nervous about a baby. “As long as it’s healthy, I don’t care. Boy or girl.” He means that. Most men would be praying for a boy, but all he wants is a healthy baby and a safe delivery. “How about you?”

You smile against the receiver, “healthy is most important and I’ll adore them no matter what but…I kind of want a girl.” You confess, “just…it’s almost like I can see her. Your hair. My eyes. My feistiness and your stubbornness.” You sigh softly.

Javi smiles, imagining a little girl like you’ve described, “your nose hopefully.”

You scoff, “I like your nose. It’s…regal.” You tell him and it’s his turn to scoff. “Oh shit. I gotta go babe. Your dad is expecting me. Wants me to pick out a stroller tonight in the catalog and he wants to pay. I’ve tried to argue but he won’t have it. Your dad is as stubborn as you. I’ll call you soon.” You promise as you hang up, glancing at the clock and you are going to the Peña house for dinner with Chucho tonight.

****

Javi shouldn’t feel guilty, but he does. He’s slept with a bunch of different women since he’s been here, paying them for information on the other men they are fucking. Sicarios like the brothels and he’s picked up a few different leads. The phone rings and he presses the money into Vanessa’s hand and hurries to pick up the phone. “Hey.” You’re the only one who really calls his apartment, so he knows it’s you. The other woman opens the door and leaves quietly, letting him turn back towards the phone and towards you.

“Hey. Just checking in. Went for the scan today. Baby girl is doing just fine and should be here between Christmas and New Year. Not long now.” Thanksgiving had just passed and you spent it with Chucho and your own family. You’d decided to keep your baby’s paternity secret, avoiding the question as much as possible from strangers as you didn’t want your little girl to be branded a bastard, the child of a cheater. You’ve seen Lorraine around but she mostly avoids you, no doubt still stung by Javier’s rejection.

“Yeah? She’s doing good?” Javi turns to watch Vanessa walk out the door, making sure she’s left before he pulls the last scan you had sent him out from between the pages of War and Peace so he can look at it. No one here knows, not even the ambassador - though she’s pissed about him going to Texas over the holidays. “I’ve booked my ticket home, gonna get there about two days before Christmas and staying for a month.” He tells you. “How are you doing? Sleeping alright?”

“She’s kicking constantly. Using my bladder as a damn trampoline. The nursery is set up. Our dads painted it pink and put the crib together. I’ve been nesting like crazy. Oh and the damn cravings. I’ve had to go out at night to get that ice cream I’m obsessed with.” You chuckle, rubbing your belly and smiling when your daughter kicks against your hand.

He imagines it all, you waddling into a store to get ice cream, puttering around your little house and getting ready for the baby. A pang of regret flashes through him at not going home, but he tries to squash it. He’s needed here. Escobar just attacked a shopping mall while taking out a lawyer a few months ago. The pictures of the innocent victims, including two little girls and a pregnant mother, that was why he was here. “Good. Did you get the money for this month?” He asks, knowing that things will be tighter for you depending on how long you are out of work following having the baby. He feels like six weeks isn’t enough for something this life changing.

“Yes. You sent too much.” You reprimand him despite knowing that he won’t care, he promised to look after you both.

“Hush.” He shakes his head, flicking his smoke in the ashtray after taking a drag.

“How are things there? Any progress on getting the bastard?” You ask, a little eager to know. Ever since you found out you’re having a girl, you have secretly wanted Javier to come back, to be a father to your baby despite you just coparenting.

“I’ve got a couple of leads, but they aren’t solid.” Javi murmurs into the phone. The lines for his apartment aren’t being monitored but he doesn’t tell you too much, not wanting to give you nightmares about things down here. “It’s going to happen though. If the CIA would fucking cooperate here instead of trying to start a fucking war.”

“Typical CIA.” You scoff, “at least you have some leads. Hopefully it happens soon.” You murmur, wanting Javier to be here for the small moments, the scans, the kicks. He’s missed so much already and the little girl hasn’t arrived yet. “I miss you Javi.” You murmur, knowing you shouldn’t get emotional like this but it’s hard when your hormones are raging and the father of your child is in another country.

“I miss you too.” He does, the fact that you were his friend before getting pregnant made it even more bittersweet. He wishes he could be there, talking to his pop about how you are growing whenever he calls him. “I will be there soon and I- do you mind if I stay with you? Help you out and just in case you go into labor in the middle of the night?” He won’t have his truck, just a rental car, but he would love to stay on your couch just to be there.

“I’d like that. A lot. I’d feel more comfortable with you in the house just in case something happens in the middle of the night.” You tell him, happy that he wants to be there for you despite you deciding to do this by yourself. Pregnancy is hard and you’ve longed to just cuddle your friend. You would never mention the fact that you’ve touched yourself to thoughts of that night. You’ll take that to your grave. The phone beeps and you look at the receiver, “I gotta go babe. My mom is calling and she said she wanted to take me to dinner. Keep me fed.” You chuckle, “I’ll talk to you soon.” You don’t give him a chance to say goodbye as you switch lines.

****

Javi sighs, tapping the steering wheel as he drives into town. It’s been a very long day and he just wants to get to your place. Leaving last night on a red eye, he had spent most of the day in Miami waiting for his connecting flight to San Antonio, deciding to drive the rest of the way. Now he just needs to get to you and see you for the first time since that night you conceived the baby. The presents for you and his daughter are in his luggage and he wonders if you are okay today since he hasn't been able to call.

When the doorbell rings, your heart thumps in your chest, and you waddle as fast as you can towards the door, flinging it open to find Javier standing on your doorstep. “Hey.” You grin, knowing you’re as big as a house and hoping he doesn’t hate what he sees despite you just coparenting. “Come in. Come in.”

“Cariño, look at you.” Javi is nearly breathless, frozen at the sight of you for a moment before he tosses his bag into your house and scoops you up into as much of a hug as he can. “Fuck- I-“ he can’t believe that he’s here, that you are pregnant. He knows you’ve been pregnant but it’s different seeing you in person and knows it’s his little girl in your stomach. “She- wow.”

When his hand caresses your stomach, you sob. You’ve missed him so much. “I’m so glad you’re here.” You choke, wrapping your arms around his neck to awkwardly pull him as close as possible.

“Me too.” He manages, his voice rough with emotions as he holds onto you and feels the baby kick under his hand. “I was praying for the last week you wouldn't go into labor before I could get here.”

You chuckle, “you know how most women research everything they can to bring on labor? I was researching the opposite.” You enjoy his responding chuckle, “I’m glad she hasn’t come yet.” You reach up to cup his cheek, “she was waiting for her daddy to arrive.”

“Daddy.” Javi’s eyes widen with wonder, as if his title has just hit him and he smiles as he looks down at your stomach. “Hope she knows I’m nervous as fuck.” He admits quietly. “This is different from helping with my cousins.”

You caress his cheek before lowering your hand to his chest, above his thumping heart. “I’m nervous as fuck too. I’ve read every book I could find, got everything I could need but I still feel like I have no clue what I’m doing. I'm scared about giving birth.” You admit, having read horror stories and how much it hurts.

“Do you want me in there?” He asks. His own reading had led him to believe that it’s uncommon, but some father’s are in the delivery room with the mother for support. He doesn’t know what you want, but if you want him there, he’ll do it.

You had thought about it, wanting him to be there for the birth after he’s missed most of your pregnancy. “I want you there…if you want to be there. I want you there to see her being born. The moment she comes into the world. I want her daddy there.” You know he will be returning to Colombia once his month is up and you don’t want him to miss a second of his daughter.

“Okay.” Javi’s dealt with blood and the aftermath of carnage, child birth should be easy. “I’ll be there. No matter what. I- can I cut the cord?” He asks hopefully. He had read about that and it’s supposed to be magical.

“Of course you can.” You snort. “Now, come in. Let’s get you settled and we can get something to eat. I’m starving…all the time. Your girl makes me crave ice cream. Mint ice cream weirdly enough.” You guide him back into the house, letting him grab his bag so he can follow you down the hall. “Do you want to see the nursery?” You ask him. When he nods, you take his hand and guide him to your guest room, now turned into a nursery, and you are proud to show off the combined work of you, his dad and your dad.

“Wow.” He bites his lip as he looks around the room that is completely decked out for a little girl. “It’s really happening, isn’t it?” He asks, smiling at the teddy bear. “Have you decided on a name?” You’ve talked about it, but never really chosen one yet,

You turn to look at him, “I was thinking Maria. After your mom.” You have spent many hours with Chucho, hearing about Javier’s childhood, his late mother, and the ranch. “Maria Gloria Peña.” You tell him, “Gloria since you know I love Gloria Estefan.” You smile, “and so does she.” The baby kicks whenever you play music.

“I-“ Javi takes a deep breath, honored and overwhelmed at the idea that you would name the baby after his mother. “I love that.” He chokes out. “Maria Gloria Peña.” He doesn’t mention that giving the baby his last name is announcing he’s the father. If you want that, he will be happy to sign the certificate.”

You smile, pleased that he likes the name. “Our Maria.” You murmur, patting his chest as tears sting in your eyes. “Come on Peña. Let’s get you settled in on the sofa bed and then let’s head over to my parents for dinner.” He seems nervous when you mention your family, “don’t worry. They know what happened. My dad was pissed at first but I explained the situation and it’s my - our - decision and my dad is just excited for a granddaughter to spoil.”

Javi rubs the back of his neck, not completely convinced about your father but he’s not going to spend anymore time away from you as he has to. He deposits his bag next to the sofa and smiles at the sheets and pillow set out. “This is perfect.” He promises you. “Better than when I sleep at the office.”

You feel bad he’s on the sofa bed but you know you can’t cross lines. He’s here for your daughter, not you. Not to be with you in any capacity other than coparents. “I’m gonna go freshen up. You know where the guest bathroom is. We can go to my parents and then come back and watch tv.” You pat his shoulder before you waddle into your bedroom, closing the door behind you. You swallow harshly, closing your eyes as you lean against the door knowing it’s going to be hard to let Javier go when the time comes.

Javi takes his toiletry bag into the other bathroom. He wishes he had time for a shower, but he doesn’t want to make you late. Brushing his teeth and slapping on more deodorant and cologne to make up for the gritty feeling of traveling for hours. He’s tired, but he isn’t going to say a word, not when he’s going to go spend time with your family who has supported you when he couldn’t.

****

You exhale shakily as you waddle along the path to your parents’ front door. “Hey pumpkin!” Your dad answers and pulls you into a careful hug, mindful of the bump. When you pull back, he looks over your shoulder to Javier standing behind you. “You must be Javier.” Your dad says, holding out his hand.

“Sir.” Javier is less nervous talking to the Ambassador than he is meeting your father. If he hated him, he wouldn’t blame the man - he’s already thought about how he would feel if his daughter was in the same situation. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He takes the man’s hand and doesn’t react when the grip is harder than socially polite.

“Dad.” You offer your father a warning tone but he shrugs, “the man knows how I feel. Getting my daughter knocked up after one night then leaving to go fight drug lords in Colombia. Not exactly every father’s dream but Maria is nearly here so let’s put that aside and focus on Christmas. Come in Peña. Your dad is already here.” Your father pats Javi on the back, letting him know he means business but understands the situation as he guides Javi into the living room.

“I do understand.” Javi ducks his head slightly, knowing him and his pop must have had many heart to hearts. “I would not risk them in Colombia. But I am close to catching the bastard and putting a stop to his operation.”

“Good. Sooner you catch him, sooner you can come back and be a father to your daughter.” Your dad says before walking into the living room where Chucho is.

“Mija. Look at you.” Chucho pulls you in for a hug, kissing your cheek. “Looks like she’s ready to come any day now.”

You chuckle, rubbing the older man’s arm for a second, “I wish. Doctor said anytime between now and New Year. I’m ready for her to come just so I can sleep properly.” You rub your belly after lowering your hand just as Javier comes over to hug his pops.

“I didn’t know you were going to be here.” Javi huffs, slapping his dad on the back and relaxing even more. It’s turning out to be a family party, and he’s grateful to be here.

“When did you get in?” Chucho asks and Javi gives a small shrug and grins over at you.

“About five minutes before we came over here.” He tells his dad, making him laugh and shake his head. “She is on a schedule, mijo, that baby is due any minute”

“Exactly. I gotta optimize my time before the little lady comes.” You rub Javier’s back. “I’m glad you’re here.” You lean in to kiss his cheek before you walk off to help your mom with the dinner as much as you physically can.

“So…how was it? Seeing her again?” Chucho asks Javi when your family are scattered around the room talking amongst themselves.

“She’s so….pregnant.” Javi huffs, folding his arms over his chest and ignoring the way his body seemed to like the very rounded shape of your body. There was something very primitive about seeing you full of his baby, knowing it was his. He’s never thought he was a possessive man before, but he feels slightly possessive over you.

Chucho chuckles, “I know. Something about them having your baby inside of them…I was the same way with your mother.” He reveals, making Javi wrinkle his nose. “Don’t act so surprised. I was just as active as you are.” Chucho raises his eyebrows, knowing about his son’s liaisons.

“She doesn’t know.” Javi mutters, his stomach churning with guilt.

“I won’t tell her but you need to have that discussion…how you plan to move forward with each other and the baby.” Javier nods, knowing you need to discuss the details again despite your agreement to just be coparents. When you look over and smile at him, his heart thumps and he’s reminded of why he can’t give you his heart right now, he has to see out Escobar.

****

“Fuckkkkk!” You yell, gripping the side of the bed as another contraction hits you.

“You’re doing so good, baby.” Javi murmurs, feeling helpless as he sits on the plastic hospital chair and watches you.

“Fuck you, Peña.” You groan, shifting from one foot to the other, “I- shit. Sorry. I just - where the fuck is the epidural?”

Javi chuckles, perfectly okay with you cursing him. “It’s coming, baby, it’s coming.” You had woken him up, in a panic when you felt contractions hitting you in the middle of the night, both of you tired from the day. Making him jump up and get dressed before helping you out to the car. “Our little girl is coming today.” He hums, unable to believe that it’s New Year's Eve.

You pant as the contraction passes, “she knows how to make an entrance. New Year’s Eve. So much for us celebrating the new year.” You chuckle, forehead sweating as you try to relax a little between contractions. When the epidural finally arrives, you sigh in relief and settle back onto the bed, closing your eyes. “God, that feels good.” You sigh, opening your eyes to look over at Javier.

“Good.” Javi stands up and comes over with a cool rag to wipe your forehead. “Hopefully you can rest some before you have to push.” He’s nervous but he wants to put on a brave front for you. “Do you want some ice chips?”

“Yessss.” You groan, reaching for his free hand. “I’m so glad you’re here Javi. I couldn’t have done this without you.” You murmur, looking up into those dark brown eyes. For Christmas, he’d bought you a beautiful charm bracelet with a gold heart and a pink bow on it. “I’ll add to it as she grows up.” Javier had told you and you had burst into tears, loving the idea. For Maria, he’d bought her an engraved gold bracelet for when she’s born, the engraving said ‘love always, daddy’ and that made you cry again.

Javi smiles at you, squeezing your hand as he brings it up to kiss the back of it. He’s grappling with the feelings he has for you, knowing that it’s not fair to tell you about them when he’s going back to Colombia. “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” He promises, reaching for the cup with the ice chips for you to suck on.

You take an ice chip, watching him as you suck on it, and you hear the beeps on the machine as you have another contraction. Soon enough, the nurses come in to check you and announce it’s time for you to push. Once Javi is gowned up and the doctor is in the room, you have to start pushing. “Javi.” You reach for his hand, squeezing it as you bear down.

“I’m here, cariño.” It’s all he can do, just be here for you. He feels helpless, watching you struggle and curse through the pains of labor. Nothing that he could really do to help you. “You’re doing so good, baby.” He coos, leaning down to wipe your forehead again and kiss it softly as you squeeze his hand hard enough to make him grunt.

You pant when you get a break from pushing, the baby’s heart is out. One more push and it’s exhausting, you’re exhausted. “Come on mama. One more push. It’s nearly midnight.” They tell you and you look up at Javi, “one more push.” He tells you, squeezing your hand. The machines beep and you brace yourself, clenching your jaw as you bear down again, trying to give one last push for your baby girl.

The silence after that push makes Javi’s heart skip a beat, terror that something went wrong - is wrong - floods his entire body until he hears a loud, angry cry. Immediately gasping, tears start to pool in his eyes as he looks over at you. “You did it, cariño. Our baby girl.” He chokes out, leaning down and kissing your forehead.

“Dad wants to cut the umbilical cord right?” The doctor asks, making Javi nod and shuffle down, letting go of your hand so he can take the medical scissors to cut through the cord where the doctor tells him. Nearly unable to see from the tears, he sees the wet, squalling infant and immediately falls in love with her.

You are shaking when they place the baby on your chest, her body covered in gunk and her cries echoing in the room but you swear you’ve never loved anything more. She nuzzles into your skin and you start to sob, looking up at Javier as he shifts back to your side after cutting the cord. “She’s - shes - she’s perfect.” You choke, reaching for his hand as you caress the baby’s back.

“Yes, she is.” Javi whispers, leaning down over you and the baby, kissing her forehead and not caring about anything other than the two of you at this moment. The nurses and doctors are still working, but this is a moment where nothing else exists to him. “Thank you.” He manages, turning and kissing your forehead after glancing at your lips and deciding that it wasn’t right for him to kiss you when you just wanted to co parent.

You are overwhelmed, wanting to tell him how you feel at this moment, but it’s not right. It’s not fair to either of you and to Maria. She deserves to have parents who can coexist without awkwardness. She settles against your chest just as it’s time to push the afterbirth out. You grab Javier’s hand as you push it out and after, they take Maria to weigh her and clean her up. “I can’t believe she’s here.” You murmur when she’s back, wrapped in blankets and asleep in your arms. Her little lips are just like her daddy, thick dark hair on her head.

“I know.” Javi fidgets, it’s been a long time, hours, since he’s had a cigarette but he’s not moving from this spot until he has to. His hand reaches out and caresses his daughter’s tiny cheek. “I- I don’t know what to say. She’s- fuck, she’s so innocent. Perfect.” He whispers quietly. “I’m not going to let anything bad happen to her.” He thinks about Escobar and shakes his head. “I’m going to ask for more help, get this done so I can get stationed back in the states when it’s done.”

You look at Javier and nod, “I’ll support you no matter what you do. We will be waiting here for you after you get that bastard.” You smile at him, not quite realizing that you promised you would be waiting for him, you’re exhausted. “Just - I want you to be safe. Don’t do anything stupid.” You tell him.

Javier offers you a cheeky grin, “me? Stupid? Never.”

You roll your eyes and chuckle at him, looking back at Maria, “she needs her daddy.” ‘So do I’ you want to add but swallow that down.

****

Leaving is the hardest thing Javi has ever done in his fucking life. The problem with him is that once he makes a commitment, he follows through. With the exception of marrying Lorraine. It would be perfect if he could bring you and the baby to Colombia, but there is zero chance of him putting the two of you in danger. He zips up his bag and sighs, turning to find you watching him as you sway with the baby in your arms. “Let me hold her one last time.” It’s been nearly three weeks of time together with a newborn and even though he’s exhausted, he wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

You nod, stepping over to slide the baby into his arms. She coos, looking up at her daddy and tears sting in her eyes. “Shit. Sorry.” You hiss, wiping your eyes, “fucking hormones still.” You swallow and watch him as he cradles Maria. “I- I’ll go get her bottle.” You murmur, wanting to give him a moment alone to say goodbye. You’ve had a stressful few weeks while trying to breastfeed, being unable to produce enough milk, and Javier has been by your side the entire time. You’re terrified to have him leave, to do this alone, for him to go back into danger and potentially lose him, for Maria to lose him. Emotions bubble over and a sob escapes your lips when you hear him murmuring to Maria while you get her bottle ready in the kitchen.

“You be a good girl for mama.” Javi murmurs quietly. “Daddy’s gotta go catch the bad guy.” He doesn’t want to, not really, but he’s determined to make it happen so he can come back and raise this little girl with you. “I’m going to miss you every day, but your mama takes such good care of you. We both love you, bebita.”

You compose yourself, knowing you need to be strong, and you walk back into the living room with Maria’s bottle. “You’re going to be late for your flight.” You remind him and he sighs, reluctant to go but you know he has to. He slides Maria back into your arms and you place the bottle at her lips, making her suck eagerly. “Go get him and come home to her, Javi.” You order, looking at Maria before you look into those gorgeous brown eyes.

He wishes that you said ‘to us’ but this isn’t that type of relationship. You didn’t want him and that’s understandable. Nodding, Javi pulls you into his arms for a quick hug and kisses your forehead before he kisses Maria’s. “I’ll call you when I get back to my apartment.” He promises, stepping away and picking up his bag. “Lock the door behind me, cariño.” He cautions, ever worried about your safety and more so now that the baby is here. “Bye.”

“Bye Javi. Be safe.” You tell him as he looks back over his shoulder before he shuts the door behind him. You shift to sit down, swallowing harshly as Maria finishes her bottle. She yawns and you shift her onto your shoulder to burp her, “daddy will be back soon.” You promise her when she falls asleep in your arms, tears streaming down your cheeks as you try to believe that. He will be back soon.

****

It’s nearly been a year. A year of calling you as often as he can and the situation growing even more dire in Colombia. Javi’s taken on a new partner, a gringo named Steve Murphy and things seem like they are never going to end. “Hey.” Javi sighs as you answer the phone. He can hear Maria giggling and squealing in the background. “My plane leaves tomorrow, thank fuck. I should be there in twenty-four hours.” He tells you, eager to get to your house and see the daughter he has missed every day for a year. Only hearing about her growth on the phone and seeing it through pictures has been hard, especially when Steve and Connie ended up fostering a little girl who lost her mother here.

“We will be waiting. Maria wants to see her daddy. Don’t you baby?” Your little girl crawls over to you. Not yet walking. You pray she walks while Javi is here so he can see a milestone. She giggles and you smile at her, eager for her to see her father again. “She’s missed you. We both have.” You admit, biting your lip. You’re glad he’s going to be here for her first birthday. He’s missed so much already.

“I missed you both too.” He replies honestly and your heart clenches.

“Maria.” You sigh as she tries to grab your water bottle. “She’s so active. Walking any day now. I gotta go Jav. I’ll see you tomorrow. Safe travels, baby.” You say and hang up the phone, picking up your daughter. Making her giggle and you can’t help but laugh alongside her, happy for Javi to be coming home.

The flight seems to take forever. He’d brushed off Steve’s questions, no one in Colombia knows about Maria and he wants to keep it that way. Even his partner is in the dark but it’s safer for you. Also, it’s a safe haven for him, untouched by the bullshit he deals with on a day to day basis. This time when he pulls onto the driveway, he grins. The teddy bear he had bought Maria is the first thing he grabs as he rushes out of the car. He can get his bags later, eager to see his girls.

When the doorbell rings, you inhale sharply and adjust Maria on your hip. “It’s daddy, baby girl. He’s home.” You tell her as you walk towards the door. You unlock it, flinging it open and when you see Javier, your heart pounds. He looks tired, worn out and ragged but he’s still so handsome. “Hey.” You smile, excited that he’s home.

Christ, you look good. Javi grins at you, perking up at the sight of your smile and Maria’s excited gurgle and he quickly steps inside the house to hug you both. “God, I missed you both.” He huffs, pulling back and his eyes widen. “She’s so big, so much bigger than the pictures!”

“She’s grown in the last few weeks. Growth spurt.” Maria hides her face in your neck, suddenly shy. “Baby, this is daddy. It’s papa.” You tell her, stroking her back and Javi swallows harshly, hating the fact that his daughter doesn’t really know who he is.

“Hey Maria. It’s papa. You know, from the phone.” He says gently and Maria lifts her head.

“It’s daddy.” You tell her and she looks at Javi, recognizing his voice from the phone.

“Dada.” She repeats and Javi nods, holding his hands out towards her. She leans towards him, letting him pull her into his arms for a hug and tears sting in your eyes. It’s been a hard year alone, raising your daughter, but Javi is here now and you are grateful he’s okay, he’s safe.

“Hey, baby girl.” Javi swallows and holds her close for a long moment, tearing up at being able to hold his daughter again. When she snuggles into him, he swears his heart explodes and he looks over at you with the feeling of being on top of the world running through his veins. “Daddy’s home and I brought you a teddy.” He coos, bringing up the bear to show her. There are more presents in his bag, but he wanted to give this one to her now instead of at Christmas.

Maria squeals, pulling the teddy close to hug to her chest and Javier holds her close to his, tears stinging in his eyes and you wipe the tears that rolled down your cheeks. “I, um, you want some coffee and a sandwich? I'm sure you’re hungry.” You tell Javi, needing a moment and you know he will follow you in a second with Maria in his arms.

“Whatever is easy for you.” Javi is hungry but he doesn’t want to make more work for you while he’s here. He wants to spend time with his daughter and help you with her while he can. “I’m not picky.” He jostles Maria happily and leans in to kiss her cheeks and neck to make her giggle from the ticklishness of his mustache. “How are you doing? Do you need anything?”

An orgasm. You want to say but you shove that down. “No, I’m good. I’ve been coping. My parents and your dad have been amazing. They look after her while I’m at work. I hated leaving her, had a breakdown the first time and I didn’t want to tell you.” You admit shyly as you reach for the bread to begin making him and yourself a sandwich. “Ham and cheese okay?” You ask and he nods so you continue. “It’s been tough but I wouldn’t change it for the world. She’s - Javi, she’s incredible.”

“I love every time you send me pictures of her. And when I get to talk to her.” He knows that she doesn’t know what he is talking about and half the time it’s nothing more than him talking about the more censored aspects of his job, but he likes talking to her. “I’m glad pop is helping out, she’s all he talks about when I call him.” Javi steps closer to you, inhaling the scent of your shampoo and sighs happily. You smell the same, like you always have and there is something warm and soft about you right now that he craves.

You finish making the sandwiches, feeling Javier behind you as Maria crawls over to her high chair and you set the knife down, turning to face him. "I missed you." You wrap your arms around his neck to pull him close, inhaling the same cologne he's worn since you met him. It's musky and reminds you of home. Despite him being gone all year, he has become your rock. Your person to vent to, your person to laugh with and just sit on the phone listening to each other go about their routine.

He almost does it. He almost leans in to kiss you. Licking his lips and parting them in anticipation of tasting you again. Until Maria squeals, breaking the spell and making him squeeze your hips as he exhales roughly, trying to shake off the attraction. It would be bad and it would change your relationship and he can’t risk that. “I’ve missed you too.” He promises lightly, letting go of you to bend down and pick Maria up to toss her up playfully. “And I missed you, baby girl!” He chortles, trying to remind himself of what is important. He can’t risk losing his daughter because he is thinking with his dick.

You exhale shakily, knowing you were close to kissing him and you can’t do that. It’s not fair on Maria or either of you. He will be going back to Colombia and you need to be a mother and focus on that. You need to put Maria first.

****

Christmas Day comes and goes, celebrating with both of your families and Javier gets you another charm for your bracelet. A beautiful teddy bear charm and you love it. He gives Maria far too many toys alongside your parents and Chucho, she’s thoroughly spoiled despite not really understanding Christmas yet. After Christmas, you are busy planning Maria’s first birthday. It’s going to be family and a few friends, Javier’s cousins who have met Maria. “You ready?” You ask Javi as you hold Maria, looking beautiful in her new dress and Javier comes out in a checkered shirt that has you swallowing harshly at how handsome he looks.

“Absolutely.” Javi hums, appreciating the way you dressed Maria and reaches for her. “This little girl is going to love her birthday when she gets older. Aren’t you, baby girl?” She kicks excitedly, not sure what is happening but feeding off his own joy. “What can I do to help?” The food is already prepared and Javi’s tias are bringing plenty of food as well, the beer is on ice and the birthday cake for the baby to dig into is beautifully decorated.

"Everything is all ready. Between my family and yours, we had an army to get things ready." You smile, "come on, we don't want to be late." The drive to the church is quick and you enter with Maria between you as the crowd of family and friends cheer for your daughter's first birthday. Javier's cousins - second and third - run around the hall, hyped up on soda and candy, and you grin as you sit with Maria on your lap once the party is in full swing.

“Never thought I would see it.” Javi’s cousin jostles his shoulder, nearly making him spill his beer as he brings it up to his lips.

“See what?” He turns, smirking slightly at the glassy edge to his cousin Hugo’s eyes.

“You- with a baby.” Hugo huffs, motioning with his own beer to where you are sitting. “After Lorraine, we all thought you would be a bachelor, but you were out there making babies!”

Javi rolls his eyes and sighs, smiling when he sees Maria turning and cuddling into your chest when another stranger comes up to meet her. “She’s great.” He admits. “I - I don’t know if I could imagine not having her now.”

“Maria or her mother?” Hugo asks, eyebrows raised.

Javier sighs, “it’s complicated.”

Hugo scoffs, “when isn’t anything with you not complicated? Hell, you left Lorraine at the altar and get another woman pregnant. That’s complicated. Then you fuck off to Colombia and leave her high and dry with your kid.” Javier growls and Hugo puts his hands up, “no offense man, just telling it like it is.”

Javi sighs, knowing that’s what it looks like. “We didn’t know she was pregnant until I was in Colombia.” Javi admits, looking back over at you and Maria. “She wanted to keep her and I’m glad. I love my daughter, and I’m trying to get back here, or somewhere safer so they can be with me.” He doesn’t care if Hugo understands, you understand and that’s all that matters.

“Cake time!” You announce, distracting everyone and Javi nods to his cousin as he stands up. You have changed Maria into a onesie so she can ruin it and you place her in her high chair before the cake is brought out. Javi stands beside you as your mom carries out the smash cake she made for Maria. There’s no candle on the cake but you place it in front of your daughter and she grins before smacking her hands into the cake. You chuckle, turning to look at Javier who is watching his daughter with a wide grin on his face. He’s leaving tomorrow and you’ll miss him terribly.

Javi chuckles when Maria rubs the cake all over her face in an attempt to eat it. She will need to be hosed off, but he loves to see it. It’s almost natural to wrap his arm around your waist and hugs you to him as the two of you watch and everyone laughs at your daughter who is happily soaking up the attention.

****

You bite your lip, watching Javier as he puts his case in the rental car he hired. He will likely be gone for another year and you hate it. How much time he’s losing with Maria. You hold Maria, watching him as he walks back over to you. “Say goodbye to daddy, sweetheart.” You place Maria in his arms.

“Hey, baby girl.” Javi plasters a smile on his face but he hates the fact that he’s leaving. Back to Colombia and the hunt for Escobar. “Daddy’s gotta go back to work, but I’m going to call you every chance I get and I’m going to see you as soon as I can.” He promises. “I love you so much.”

You bite your lip as Maria nuzzles into his neck and he kisses her hair. It’s painful to watch and you know he hates it as much as you do. Him leaving…he takes a piece of you every time he goes. You step towards him, cupping his cheek, “I’ll keep you updated and you can call every day to talk to her.”

“Okay.” Javi croaks out, leaning in and pressing his forehead against yours. Maria squirms and throws herself towards her mother, wanting to be held by her. As you take the baby, Javi kisses your forehead and then hers. “Take care of our baby girl, cariño.” He murmurs. “I’ll call you when I get back.”

You want him to stay, desperately, but he has to go so you nod, adjusting Maria on your hip as Javier opens your front door. “See you soon Javi.” You tell him, knowing that it’s getting harder to not tell him how you feel every time he leaves.

****

“Never took you for the sentimental type but you always go home for Christmas.” Steve is fishing for information, looking over the desks as Javi as he finishes up the last of the paperwork so he can get the fuck out of here next week. It’s been another two years and he’s exhausted, just ready to see you and his daughter. “What do you have going on in Laredo man?”

“Whatever Steve.” He grumbles, shifting slightly and aware that things have gotten out of hand. In a desperate bid to get that fucker, Javi’s gotten himself in deep and now there’s a chance he might pay for it.

“Peña.” His head pops up to see Messina scowling at him, obviously pissed. “My office, now.”

****

You inhale sharply when the car pulls onto your driveway. “Maria baby. Daddy’s here!” You call out and the three - nearly four - year old comes barrelling across the living room. Surprised that he is here early, he’s supposed to be in next week.

“Daddy!” She squeals and you grin, excited to see Javier yourself. It’s been so long that he’s been in Colombia, sometimes you wonder if he will ever catch Escobar. You’ve tried moving on from him but it’s hard, you even went on dates but no one matches up to Javier Peña.

“Hey baby girl.” Javi nearly cried when his daughter ran out of the door as he got out of the car and met her halfway across the lawn, scooping his daughter up in his arms and burying his face in her little neck. Regret hangs heavy and he feels like he made the wrong decision years ago. It didn’t matter, he’s been sent home. Fucking years away from you and Maria and he didn’t even accomplish what he had set out to do.

“Daddy! I missed you!” Maria squeals when Javier holds her close and you can see the stress in his muscles as he pulls back to look at you.

“Hey stranger.” You joke, leaning in to kiss his cheek, and your heart thumps when those dark eyes meet yours.

“Hey.” He closes his eyes and just breathes in the smell of you and his daughter. The smell of home. Javi is angry, disappointed in himself, but he’s also happy to be right here. Needing you and Maria. Over the years, he’s realized that you are his anchor, his sense of home in this world.

“You’re a week early. What happened?” You ask once you’re inside and he’s sitting on the sofa. “Did something go wrong?” You guess, sitting down beside him and Maria rushes over to show Javier her new Barbie.

“Daddy. Look what abuelo got me.” She says, showing him the doll Chucho got her as an early Christmas present.

“That’s a pretty baby, baby girl.” Javi makes the appropriate noises about the Barbie, even though he knows nothing about the dolls. He pulls her up into his lap and sighs. “I- if you don’t mind, I’m going to be sticking around longer.” He admits quietly. “I’ve been sent back. I’m off the team.”

You frown, “what happened?” You reach for his hand, squeezing it. “Maria, sweetheart. Mommy and Daddy need to have grown-up time. Can you go to your room and show your new Barbie her friends?” You ask and Maria nods, sliding off of Javi’s lap then running off after she kisses Javi’s cheek. “Tell me what happened.”

“I fucked up, cariño.” Javi admits, leaning back against the sofa and tilting his head back to look up at the ceiling. “I tried to work with some bad people in order to get Escobar.” He confesses. “I got in too deep and got caught.”

You sigh, “Javi. Why- why would you do that?” You shift closer to him.

“I wanted to come back. I’ve already missed so much. I didn’t want to miss anything else. I was fucking desperate and I got sloppy. I got caught and now, all that time I have spent away from you both…it’s all for nothing.”

You shake your head, reaching up to cup his cheek and turn his face towards you, “it’s not for nothing. You did what you had to do. Maria can be proud of her daddy for doing what he could to take down an evil man. You didn’t - you might’ve fucked up but I know you, Peña, you did it from your heart. It’s happened. Let’s just - let’s focus on the holidays and being a family. Maria is excited you’re home.” You suddenly remember what tonight is. “Shit.” You lower your hand from his cheek, “I, uh, my mom is coming over soon.”

“Why is your mom coming over?” Javi asks, frowning slightly although he shouldn’t be surprised that he’s thrown your plans out of whack. He’s shown up early and dumped all his issues at your door.

“She’s watching Maria for me.” You admit, making Javi hum. Must be that book club you were talking to him about.

“Well, I’ll take care of Maria while you do your book club thing, give your mom and you a night off.” He’s her father, he can give you a night off for yourself when he has missed so much of her day-to-day life.

“It’s, um, it’s not for the book club. I…I, uh, I have a date. With Kevin. From the station.” You reveal, biting your lip. You feel so guilty now that he’s here. You figured he had been fucking other women during his time in Colombia and you haven’t had sex since that night with Javi, wanting to focus on Maria and not bring a man into the fold before she could understand.

“Oh- uh, okay.” Immediately Javi wants to tell you to stay here, to spend time with him and Maria but that would be unforgivably selfish of him. He manages to keep from frowning as he stares down at his hands. “I’ll watch her tonight. She’s my daughter.” He reminds himself that he chose this, he didn’t want to commit to you because he was too full of himself about making a difference in the world. He’s had plenty of liaisons and he shouldn’t feel possessive over you. He gave up that right. “If that’s okay?”

You nod, “yeah that’s good. I have leftovers in the fridge for Maria. Spaghetti and meatballs. Plus those yogurts she likes. Oh and the juice boxes-”

Javi shakes his head, “I got it. What time are you leaving?” He asks.

“In an hour. I guess I better get ready. I really appreciate this Javi.” You pat his arm and stand up, heading into your bedroom to get ready for the date. After showering and doing your hair and makeup, you’re ready and come into the living room to find Javier and Maria watching a Disney movie. “I won’t be long.” You promise Javi, deciding to drive to your date so you don’t have Kevin meet Maria. It’s definitely not appropriate.

“Okay.” Javi stands up and shoves his hands in his pockets so he doesn’t pull you back inside the house as you open the door. Sighing to himself, he looks at his daughter where she is entranced with watching Simba. “Are you hungry now or do you want to wait?” He asks, making her shake her little head.

“After the movie, daddy!” She huffs, annoyed he would even ask and he can’t help but grin at her attitude. She gets it honest.

“Okay, after the movie.” Sitting back down, he wonders why you never mentioned dating. Was it serious? Are you two a thing? He swallows and stares at the tv, not really seeing it as he hopes the date sucks.

****

The date is okay. Nothing to write home about but Kevin is a nice guy and he understands your situation. He knows you have Maria and Javi and asked if there is anything between you still. With a sigh, you said “there was nothing between us to begin with. It was just one night.” A lie on your part but you know Javier has never asked for more from you other than to be co parents.

You open your front door, kicking off your heels to find Maria rushing up to you in her pajamas. “Mama!” She hugs your legs and you stroke her hair, “why aren’t you in bed?” You ask, looking up as Javi enters the hall.

“She insisted on staying up to see you come home.” He couldn’t get her to go to sleep and his nervous energy must’ve transferred to her as she couldn’t stay in her bed.

“Oh baby girl.” You kneel down to hug her and pull her into your arms as you stand. “Mommy’s home now and it’s late. Come on, daddy and I will both put you to bed.” You carry her into her room and Javier follows behind you. You lay her down and cover her up with the duvet, brushing her hair back. “I love you sweetheart.” You lean down to kiss her forehead. “Daddy will say goodnight and then it’s bedtime. Your night light is on. Daddy is here to fight the monsters for you.” You assure her and look up at Javier.

“I will, baby girl.” Javi doesn’t know if he’s allowed to stay on the couch this time since you’ve started dating but he can talk about that with you later. He leans down and kisses Maria’s head and pulls her covers up and hands her the blanket she has to sleep with every night. Javi had given it to her two years ago. “Go to sleep, bebita.”

You slowly back out of the room, pulling the door closed as she closes her eyes and is out in moments due to staying up way past her bedtime. You head into the kitchen to make your regular night time tea and you turn to look at Javi as he follows you. “So you’re back for good?” You ask him, leaning against the kitchen counter.

“Technically, I’m on leave with pay until they decide what they want to do with me.” Javi admits, wanting to ask you how your date went. You’re back too early to have fucked the guy, unless he was that lousy of a lay. “But I don’t know, I felt like I was beating my head against a rock the entire time. And I have missed so much with our daughter.”

“You did what you thought was the best solution. Hell, we know from the Sheriff's department what bureaucracy and paperwork does. Slows us down while the criminals get away with it. No doubt the DEA is worse. You are here. That’s all that matters. She loves you, she knows you fight bad men, tells everyone at pre-school how her papa is a superhero.” You chuckle, a fond smile on your face.

Rubbing his jaw with his hand, he contemplates your words, feeling slightly undeserving of his young daughter’s praise. She wouldn’t think him a superhero, you wouldn’t either if you knew what he had done. “I- I should probably look for a place to stay.” He murmurs. “I can go to my pop’s. I know you don’t want me living on your couch indefinitely.”

You shake your head, “you can stay as long as you want, Javi. I know the sofa isn’t the most comfortable place but you’ve lost out on time with Maria and I would never take that away from you.” You step closer to him when he says “I’m sure Kevin wouldn’t want me sleeping on your couch.”

You frown, “Kevin doesn’t decide who sleeps on my sofa. I do. I decide that the father of my child sleeps on my sofa. If Kevin has a problem with that, he can fuck off.”

Smirking slightly, Javi admires the fire in your eyes. “There’s my cariño.” He murmurs, searching your face for any doubt. “I hated you going on that date.” He confesses. “Wanted to tell you to stay here with Maria….and me.”

You bite your lip, staring at him, “I didn’t want to go but I- it’s been over four years since I - I haven’t dated or been with anyone else since you. I figured you- you’re not a monk so obviously you’ve been with women in Colombia and I don’t blame you for that but I decided to put myself back out there now that Maria is nearly four. I can’t - I can’t spend my life waiting for you.”

Javi nods slowly, knowing that everything you’ve said is true. He hasn’t been a monk. But the fact that it’s been four years for you blows his mind. “I- fuck baby.” He groans, reaching for you and pulling you close. “You have to know what you do to me. Back then, pregnant with our baby, right now.” He presses you up against his hardening cock. “I just didn’t want to break your heart.”

You stare into those dark brown eyes you love so much. “It wasn’t fair on either of us to wait for each other. We had things to do. You had to catch Escobar, I had to look after Maria. We made the responsible decision.” Your heart pounds at the feeling of his arousal pressing into your hip and his hands caressing your back. “Are you ready? For me? For us? Don’t tell me what I want to hear. I can’t - shit happens that we can’t control but don’t tell me what I want to hear and change your mind tomorrow. I couldn’t handle that after being in love with you for six years.”

Javi huffs out a small chuckle, knowing that he might not have been in love with you the night he came over to your house and made Maria with you, but he had feelings for you. Feelings that have become a deep, lasting love. “I’m ready.” He promises, reaching up and cupping your face tenderly. Watching you for a moment as that familiar buzz between you starts to grow. This time he doesn’t pull back, this time he leans in and captures your lips on a kiss that is four years late.

You sigh into the kiss, cupping his cheeks. It’s soft and sweet, building like these feelings you’ve nurtured between you for years. The flames climb higher and he’s soon pushing you back against the kitchen counter, his tongue sliding into your mouth and you eagerly open, tangling your tongue with his. His cock is hard in his pants, pressing against you and you grind against him, wordlessly conveying what you need, what you’ve longed for.

“Baby- you gotta-“ Javi pulls back and looks at you, panting slightly. “Can I take you to bed?” He asks, wanting to do this right. He doesn’t have any intention of leaving it tomorrow. “Or-“ Maria is still in the house and he would understand if you didn’t want to risk it. He might be her father but she’s never seen him sleep in the same bed as you. It would be completely different than the last night he spent in your bed.

“You never have to ask. I want you in my bed. Every damn night.” You caress his chest, “come on baby.” You take his hand and guide him through the living room to your bedroom. “I said I’d take you to bed.” Javier jokes and you giggle, spinning once you’re in your bedroom to face him, “it’s my bedroom.”

“It is your bedroom.” Javi murmurs as he steps closer to you, his eyes dark with lust. “The same bedroom I’ve fucked you in before. Same bed we made Maria in.” He smirks, looking over at the bed and then back at you.

You smile, fondly remembering that night you made Maria. You reach for his shirt, working on the buttons. “I have an IUD. Regulates my periods so we don’t need to worry about an accident. We aren’t ready for that.” You murmur, pushing his shirt off of his shoulders.

Javi snorts. “I’d be batting a thousand.” He murmurs, slightly smug about the fact that you are choosing him to sleep with after the last time. “I’ve been tested but I can wear a condom.” He doesn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, knowing you know that he’s not been a saint in Colombia. His own fingers find the zipper of your dress and he drags it down, eager to see your body again.

“I trust you. I’ve always trusted you.” You murmur, wanting to feel him after being without him for so long. You shiver when his fingers caress your spine before he pushes the dress off of your shoulders. “My memories did you no justice.” You murmurs, running your hands down his chest to his stomach until you work on unbuckling his belt.

“Cariño, you are more beautiful now.” He praises, leaning in and capturing your nipple in his mouth through the cloth of your bra while he works the hooks. Groaning as he inhales your sweet, musky scent. Transporting him back to that night all over again.

You arch your back into his mouth, pulling back when he tugs your bra down your arms, exposing your tits. “After a baby and many years…I think you’re forgetting Peña.” You tease, working on the button of his jeans and you reach in to pull out his hard cock, pumping him slowly.

Hisses against your skin, Javi bites down on your nipple and sucks it into his mouth. Suckling harshly, Javi strips down your panties and shoves his hand between your legs to rub your clit. Determined for you to feel good after so long without sex

You moan, grip going slack on his cock, and you let him guide you back towards your bed. You shift to lay down and he resumes rubbing your clit. You spread your legs, moaning his name and he hovers over you to kiss along your neck.

He manages to kick off his jeans and groans when the hard tip of his cock presses against your hip. Two fingers sliding down to press inside you while his thumb rubs your clit. “Fuck, your so tight.” He groans into your skin, kissing back up to your lips while his fingers pump and curl inside you.

“It’s been too long.” You remind him, hips bucking into his touch and you gently scratch your nails down his back, loving the groan that escapes him. When he shifts closer, you reach between you to wrap your fingers around his cock, trying to jerk him despite the way his fingers are making you pant with pleasure.

“Shit.” Javi hisses, his fingers pushing into you a bit more harshly. His cock throbs in your hand but he wants to make sure that you enjoy this. You deserve to have as much pleasure as you can. “Want you to cum for me.” He groans, biting down on your chin gently.

You grip slackens on his cock again as his fingers hit that spot inside of you, combined with his thumb on your clit, and it sends you over the edge with a soft cry that he smothers with his lips. Tongue sliding against yours while he works you through your orgasm. You shake beneath him, experiencing the first orgasm you’ve had from someone else in over four years. “Fuck.” You pant, tilting your head back after he removes his fingers from your pussy.

“Good?” Javi kisses along your jaw and listens to you pant softly. Giving you time to calm down. He needs this to be more than rough and needy. Needs to show you - to show himself - that this is different. “Want another, cariño?” He asks. “Or do you want me inside you?”

“So- so good.” You want to feel him inside of you since you only got to have him once the last time. You want him to spend all night inside of you, even if he isn’t hard, you just want to feel him. “Fuck me, Javi.” You beg, reaching down to grip his cock again. “I need you.”

He has to bat your hand away, too afraid that he will just let you jerk him off because of how good it feels. Maneuvering between your thighs, Javi notches himself at your entrance and stares into your eyes as he slowly starts to sink into you again.

You whimper when he pushes into you, “I love you, Javi.” You caress his shoulders, “I love you.” It feels good to finally say it and you watch him as he pushes deep inside of you, burying his cock and he doesn’t move, giving you a moment to adjust to him.

Closing his eyes, Javi groans your name. “I love you too.” He confesses, twitching inside you as he says it. You feel perfect, like he’s home right there inside your cunt. Pushing his arms around you, he starts to slowly rock his hips.

You feel surrounded by him and it is incredible. “Fuck, Javi.” You gasp when he starts to move. It’s been so long since you’ve had sex, and his cock is thick. He stretches you out but you fucking love it. “God, you feel so good.” You keep repeating it but it’s true. Your heart pounding in your chest as he slowly rocks into you.

“You.” Javi gasps, biting his lip as you squeeze around him. “Feel…so fucking perfect.” He moans. He’s not going to try to compare this to anyone else he’s slept with, he can’t. It wouldn’t be fair. This is you, the mother of his child, the woman he loves. “I love you.” He grunts, pushing into you again.

You cry out when he hits something incredible inside of you. You pant against his jaw. “I. Love. You.” You rasp out, tangling your fingers in his hair and you kiss him, pushing your tongue into his mouth as he thrusts a few more times in that same angle. You’re sent over the edge, a cry poured into his mouth, muffled as you clamp down on his cock and cum around him.

Javi’s hands curl into fists, groaning at the feeling of your orgasm around him. Having to push harder to work you through it. Feeling his own end sneaking up on him. “Gonna, fuck- gonna cum.” He warns. “Pull-“ He can’t even finish the question before he’s pushing deep, moaning your name while he cums.

You can’t even breathe as he paints your walls with his cum. Your eyes are squeezed shut and your nails dig into his back as he slowly rocks his hips to work himself through his orgasm. “Oh God Jav. I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you.” You choke out, tears stinging your eyes as you bathe in the aftermath of your orgasm, your emotions threatening to overwhelm you as you cling to him.

Panting, Javi refuses to move an inch away from you. Keeping his weight up on his elbows so he doesn’t crush you, he just kisses you again and again. “Missed you baby. I’m here.” He reassures you breathlessly. “I’m here. I’m here.”

You breathe him in, absorbing his kisses, and you caress his back, trying to calm the dents from your nails. “You’re here.” You murmur, just enjoying him surrounding you. You kiss along his jaw, “you’re here to stay.”

“I’m here to stay.” Javi murmurs, saying the words out loud for the first time since he had been ordered back to the states. He had toyed with the idea of going to DC, but he had come home instead. Knowing he was needed here far more than any drug war he had been losing. “I love you and Maria so much.”

“We love you too. I’m so glad you’re home Javi. You’re back just in time for Christmas and for Maria’s birthday. She’s going to be so happy to have her daddy here for good. I know I am too. I don’t regret anything. All of it led us to this moment so I don’t regret a thing.” You promise, “that night…it gave us a family.”

“Our family.” Javi murmurs, smiling down at you softly. “I still can’t believe our daughter was born on New Year’s Eve.” He huffs fondly. “Just two minutes later and she would have been a New Year’s baby.” She had missed being born at midnight by two minutes and both you and Javi joked about it every year.

****

You are exhausted, throwing Maria’s fourth birthday party during the day and she had worn herself out playing with her friends and your families, opening presents and having cake. Now asleep in bed to miss the new year, you and Javier are sitting on the sofa, waiting for the countdown. “Maria was born at this exact time.” You smile, seeing it’s two minutes to midnight.

“Yes she was.” Javi smirks slightly. Running his hand down his thigh to calm his nerves. “Our lives changed forever. And I have to say it was amazing.” To be there and see her, to witness those first moments of life and remind him of what was important. Family. “So I’m going to use that fact to do something.” He admits, taking your hand and standing up. Taking a deep breath, he kneels down in front of you and watches your eyes widen.

The ring that he had bought during some last minute Christmas shopping is in his pocket and burning a hole in it. He was going to wait until midnight, but he couldn't. “Cariño, it’s been a rough road, and I’ve been selfish, but I’m right here, right now.” His voice is low, silky as he tries to remember the speech he had thought up. This time is so different from asking Lorraine. “You are the mother of my child and the woman that I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. Right now, before the New Year, will you agree to be my wife?” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the box with the ring. “Will you marry me?”

You stare at him in shock, never imagining Javier to be the marriage type and you weren’t anticipating marrying him but to see him down on one knee, your heart pounds in your chest. “Oh Javi.” You choke, tears stinging in your eyes and you swallow harshly. “Ye- yes. Yes. I’ll marry you. Yes!” You giggle breathlessly, bending over to press your lips to his, “I will marry you.” You murmur between kisses, tears now streaming down your cheeks.

He stands up and you grin against his lips as he takes the ring from the box, sliding it onto your finger. “Oh it’s beautiful.” You choke as you look down at the ring just as the countdown to the new year begins.

“Ten, nine, eight, seven…”

You kiss Javier again and when the clock strikes midnight, you lean back to look into his eyes. “Happy New Year, Javi. My love.” You murmur.

“Happy New Year. To the best one yet.” He replies, meaning every word. This will be the best year of Javier’s life. Living with his fiancée and his daughter. It’s all he could’ve asked for.

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