#Ughhhhh words cannot DESCRIBE how much I love him

[keys-hellscape-1020]

Hobie Brown Headcannons

I have some horrible brain rot for this man and I need to let it out somehow, so uh. Here you go ig.

Hobie Brown x gn!Reader

I think the whole fandom can agree when I say this man is Protective. Not in a suffocating way, no he would never, but in an observant way. He always has an eye on you and if you signal that you need his help he always, (and I mean always) comes in swinging. No one messes with his favorite person.

He’s generally pretty observant, but when it comes to you it seems like he’s somehow even more so. If you need help getting something off a high shelf he’s behind you getting it down for you with a small smirk and a kiss to the top of your head before you can even say anything. It’s not that he doesn’t think you’re capable, he knows you are. His love language is just acts of service. And he loves you a lot.

He’ll also help you out in other ways. If you happen to be a person who gets a period he will know your schedule like the back of his hand. And if you’re cursed with irregular ones he’ll somehow know before you even do when you’re gonna start (spidey-sense anyone?). He’ll come prepped with your sanitary device of choice as well as chocolate, sweets, and anything else you may need.

On a similar theme this man is firm believer in cuddles. He needs them or else he is incapable of functioning. How is he supposed to go deal with idiots if he hasn’t received his dose of love? He can’t. That’s how.

As said previously this man is tall, (6’3) and fairly spindly too. When you cuddle this man is going to be wrapped around you like a pretzel. His arms will be around your waist, you can’t tell where your legs end and his begin, and your chests will be pressed up right next to one another. Good luck if you need to get up to pee. You will not be getting up until this man has woken up enough to realize what you’re trying to do. And even then probably not. Hope you have a bladder of steel cause you’ll be needing it.

When you do finally get this man out of bed, I can see him being the one to cook. He’s not a great chef by any means but he’s not half bad either. You won’t see him making anything fancy but he has perfected the art of simple yet delicious meals. I saw someone else head-cannon that this man makes a delicious oatmeal and I couldn’t agree more. This man makes the best oatmeal you’ve ever tasted.

On the note of food, dates! This man loves taking you out on the town, but only small locally owned places! No contributing to capitalism here! If you’re new to London you’re lucky cause you just scored yourself the best tour guide in town! He’ll show you all the best pubs, small ones tucked away in alleyways. Best places to watch the sun set over the skyline, hangout spots, picnics, this man knows it all and he will gladly share his knowledge with you!

After all is said and done and he’s done showing you around the city, chances are he’s gonna have to suddenly disappear on a… very long bathroom trip. What do you mean you saw Spider-Punk swinging by the window two seconds after he left? What a coincidence!

Seriously though, this man hates lying to you and will refrain from doing so in anyway he can. He might not outright tell you he’s spider-punk, but he won’t not tell you if that makes sense. I’ve seen multiple other people head-cannon that he’ll just leave little hints around and wait for you to connect the dots and I whole-heartedly agree. He knows that you’re smart and he has faith you’ll figure it out quickly.

Once you do figure it out and confront him a considerable weight has lifted from his shoulders. He hates hiding things from you, lying to you about why he disappears for considerable amounts of time. And now that you know he doesn’t have to!

In all seriousness be prepared to be awoken at 2am from tapping on your window. When you open it Hobie falls in, in his Spider-Punk suit, 12 different shades of black and blue and coated in blood. This happens multiple times a month. You’ll get used to it. Probably.

————

A/N: Welp first time writing for Hobie… Let me know what you think! I’m very unsure about his characterization. Although it’s very hard to write him well cause they gave him SO little screen time 😭 I’m in the trenches over here trying to do this man Justice.

[lavender-lotion]

Fanfic Writer Asks

I was tagged by @asarcasticwitch - thank you so much!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

737, which is an ugly number :(

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,890,054 words, which ... AH I might actually get to 2mil by the end of the year!

3) How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

thank you, ao3 dashboard for this handy list:

Teen Wolf (TV) (377)

X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies) (187)

Marvel Cinematic Universe (93)

Glee (29)

Young Justice (Cartoon) (11)

Kingsman (Movies) (9)

Original Work (9)

The Avengers (Marvel Movies) (8)

Criminal Minds (US TV) (7)

Thor (Movies) (6)

Deadpool (Movieverse) (5)

Weird City (TV) (5)

X-Men (Original Timeline Movies) (4)

Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga) (4)

Ragnarok (TV 2020) (4)

Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies) (3)

Teen Wolf (TV) RPF (3)

Iron Man (Movies) (3)

The House in the Cerulean Sea - T. J. Klune (2)

Venom (Marvel Movies) (1)

Stranger Things (TV 2016) (1)

Captain America (Movies) (1)

Fate: The Winx Saga (TV) (1)

Power Rangers Ninja Storm (1)

X-Men - All Media Types (1)

Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan (1)

Riverdale (TV 2017) (1)

X-Men Evolution (1)

Push (2009) (1)

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

With You, I Belong

Mates and Marriage Proposals

The Perceptions of You and I

(baby) maybe that matters more

Breathing You In

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

ughh so, fair warning, I have a lot of works. I definitely do not remember all of them, however I do have four works tagged as Unhappy Ending and then another nine works tagged Ambiguous/Open Ending, which is way more than I’d thought I had! 

however, there is one fic that stands out in mind when I think about which of my works has the angstiest ending! Heed the tags :)

And Now?

Teen And Up Audiences | Major Character Death | M/M | Teen Wolf (TV) | Chris Argent/Peter Hale/Stiles Stilinski | Chris Argent, Peter Hale, Stiles Stilinski | Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canonical Character Death, Peter Hale Dies, Unhappy Ending

Stiles Stilinski finds out who his soul mates are by setting one on fire.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

ughhhhhhhh I truly do not know??? 

7) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I don’t write many crossovers at all! I have some mcu/teen wolf cross overs, I have a teen wolf/glee cross over plotted (that i’ll probably never write), but my strangest is probably this teen wolf/x-men cross over!

what-ifs (don’t fuckin’ matter to no one)

Teen And Up Audiences | No Archive Warnings Apply | M/M | X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)Teen Wolf (TV) | Logan (X-Men)/Sheriff Stilinski | Logan (X-Men), Sheriff Stilinski, Stiles Stilinski | Memory Loss, Telepathy, Mentions of War, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Child Neglect, Grief/Mourning, Telepath Stiles Stilinski, Telekinetic Stiles Stilinski, Nightmares, Cuddling & Snuggling

There’s somethin’ there. Somethin’ that has him sleeping curled up on his side with a pillow tucked to his chest, somethin’ that has him splittin’ up his food ‘fore he eats ‘cause he don’t need as much as a baseline. Has him turnin’ to tell someone shit that ain’t there. There’s just...there’s just somethin’ there that’s missin’ and it shouldn’t be missin’.

8) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

sometimes! I don’t write a lot of smut because I actively dislike writing it, but the smut I do write is super super soft and sappy and full of emotions lol

9) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I respond to almost all of my comments! comments i won’t respond to: negative comments, unsolicited criticism, comments that aren’t relevant to the fic itself, comments simply asking for more 

I love love love responding to comments! I love every single comment that I get and I want to show how much I appreciate getting them, and personally I think responding to comments is the only way to do that! everyone has different comment philosophies, but for me, if someone is taking the time to comment on my fic like I so badly want them to, I think it’s important to respond to show my appreciation! 

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

aha YEAH I DO. this past weekend I actually got a number of shitty comments and had to file two ao3 abuse reports for harrasment (: I love it

I am no stranger to hate comments. I write copious amounts of age difference fic. I write copious amounts of incest. I am not going to apologize nor am I going to feel bad for enjoying either.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

ughhh I sure as heck hope not! 

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I have a number of them :) I always always do my best to make sure it’s linked to the original fic, AND that I add a tag noting that there’s a translation!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have made a few attempts! the only successful attempt is there's nothing i wouldn't do to make you feel my love which is a collaboration with @flightinflame, not quite a co-write!

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I am unable to answer this lol I don’t have an all-time favourite. mutli-shipping forever.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

god okay this is such a good question! imma ramble about a few so bear with me here! (i may have 700 posted works but I also have a few hundreds wips & ideas floating around in my gdrive, too)

gone & past - this is a starrish wip i’d started in 2017. I ended up deleting it from ao3 to rewrite it and never got there, but I have about 20k of content! I built my home, inside of you - thorki human au with college jock thor and high school dancer loki. i’ve got a start and nothing else Sheriff Stilinski Gets Some Sweet Sweet Lovin’ - massive wip where... well, the sheriff fucks his way through the entire pack. I want to write it but. trans allison au - this is an au where allison is trans and that changes the entire season 1 canon. it features stallison, petopher, and a looooooong ass outline that will never exist beyond my wips You Fill My Heart (With Such a Gentle Love) - this is a stetopher a/b/o au with pregnant omega stiles and alpha pair petopher falling in love. it started as a labour of love to someone I no longer have in my life. I have about 30k, a full outline, but idk. makes me sad to think about it they slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered - this is my big x-men first class rewrite that I honestly don’t think i’ll ever finish. I have a few thousand words, a full outline, but no love lost for cherik so. doubtful Physiotherapy (I'll Be Your Baby) - this was a fic I was SO excited about, and then it kinda flopped and stayed a wip because I didn’t have a plan or the motivation to finish it. it’s a winterspider human au with amputee bucky and science twink peter that I adore the premise of but who knows breathing you in chapter 2 - I have a massive second chapter planned for this fic but the first did so good so fast I am way too intimidated to write more in case everyone hates it lmao

there are more arjgoirjeg there are so many more but these are the bigger ones I can think of right now!

16) What are your writing strengths?

ughhhhh I hate answering this because I have, like, seriously bad imposter syndrome around my writing BUT I do think i’m able to weave poignant backstory into narration & i write strong, distinctive narrative voices!

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

literally I can’t write settings at all. I don’t know how people vividly describe settings but I absolutely cannot do that and it’s one of the reasons I haven’t delved into original fiction. I need to write the town my characters live in?? fuck that imma just use a location we’ve seen on screen & let readers fill in the blanks lmao

I am also shit at long fic. I don’t have the mind for long and interesting plots, and I don’t have the focus to write long fic (which is why every long fic i’ve ever posted has taken me literal years to complete smh).

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I like it! both as a reader and as a writer. as a writer, I generally only use a few words, or small sentences that can be understood by context, and I generally don’t 

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

the last thing I wrote and posted was this one:

Languish

Teen And Up Audiences | No Archive Warnings Apply | M/M | X-Men (Original Timeline Movies) | John Allerdyce/Bobby Drake | Bobby Drake, John Allerdyce, X-Men (Team) | Not Canon Compliant, Future Fic, Established Relationship, Summer, Teasing, Fluff

It was a really, really hot Saturday, and most of the school was outback, enjoying the sun, not caring about the heat, and having the time of their life.

Everyone but Bobby, of course, who was melting away.

“I just want to remind everyone that I make ice. I am the Ice Man. I am not built for the heat and soon enough I’m going to melt away into nothing.”

20) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

this is another impossible question! I have a few I really enjoy, but I really don’t think I have a favourite that stands out above the rest!

i’m tagging: @4magicandmayhem @insertmeaningfulusername @midrashic @wynnefic @ikeracity @stronglyobsessed @elledelajoie @wolfnprey​ & anyone else who sees it and wants to do it! seriously! go ahead :)

blank questions below the read more!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

3) How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

7) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

8) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

9) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship?

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

16) What are your writing strengths?

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

20) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

[nlights37]

12, 18 and 20 please!

@aenarsnow gets FIRSTIES which means I answer with extra love, of course:)

Let’s GET IT

12.  How do you deal with self-doubts?

Well, I get ‘em a lot, just like everyone else, your standard, run-of-the-mill ‘”This is shit, why am I wasting my time on this, it’s crap, I’ve used the same adjective like 15 times now and also how many ways can I actually describe eyes I should be doing productive things instead of writing fanfic people are gonna hate it anyway, half the people that used to read my shit ghost me at this point ughhhhh this fandom suuuuuucccckkkkkkssss and so do I!!!”

Inevitably, at that point, I email whatever I’m working on to @noordinarylines, who has explicitly good taste, and who I KNOW will be honest with me if she doesn’t like something or doesn’t quite thinking something is working.

Then she reads it an emails me back and tells me I killed her in a good way and how dare I leave her hanging there, where is the rest, hurry the fuck up because it’s crazy mean to cliffhang her like that.

That usually gets my head right.  :)  There are a handful of people that I interact with that are some real, genuine, ride or die people (mostly because I am horrible at things like chatting regularly, etc - like I will genuinely completely fuck up my IRL day if I allow myself to get sucked into things like chats because I get tunnel vision and forget everything else, my full blown inattentive-type adult ADD in full effect).  But there are some real ones out here, and they know who they are, and if I think an idea is maybe worth a shot but I wanna bounce it off someone, or I want another set of eyes on something because I’ve stared at it so long I genuinely cannot tell if it’s any good, I reach out to them, and they set me straight.

Once I post something, tbh, I just let it ride, because it’s out there, and the people whose opinion I care about the most have already told me what they think, so I’m pretty satisfied with that.  If other people don’t like it they can suck my ass at that point, because I ain’t changing SHIT hahahahaha.

18.   What’s your revision or rewriting process like?

Well, here’s the thing about me.  I write it as it comes, and a lot of time I can feel when I’m writing it if it just isn’t fucking working.  I will backtrack then and there and start over.  For me, if I’m in the groove and it’s really rocking along I go with it.  There’s a flow to it, and then suddenly it’s been 5 hours and you’re like ‘IT’S GOLD, JERRY!  GOLD!”

If it’s like pulling teeth to write it I stop and come back to it later.  With a husband, three kids, ‘virtual learning’ and quarantine, my time to write is limited, so I try to make the most of it.  I run scenes for fics in my head a LOT, while I’m in the shower, or doing dishes, or folding clothes, so that by the time I get a chance to write I’ve made my mind up on exactly how it will go and I don’t have to sit there and look at a blinking cursor.

I don’t typically use a beta, not because I don’t think I need one (my frantic spotting of every damn mistake I made AFTER I post can attest to that) but more because once I’m done with something, I’m done, and I wanna post it.  I just get too excited to wait, you know, like a damn puppy who pees in excitement when someone knocks at the door.  I just wanna SHARE IT!

So, the tldr:  I do a lot of revision in my head before I sit down to write.  I don’t usually rewrite because the minute something stops flowing I scrap it :)

20.  Post a snippet of a WIP you’re working on.

Here’s a sneak peek of what @noordinarylines and I have been cooking up for the second story in the Remember the Time universe:

There was something soothing, Daenerys had found, about the line where the sea met the sky, the view afforded from her council chamber one that seemed the best suited for calming her ever-frazzled nerves.

It had been five days since she had taken her tumble on the far end of the island, five days full of the most piercing grief she’d ever experienced, which was truly remarkable.  Her losses, ‘til now, had been great and agonizing, but she could not shake the forlorn mood that had fallen over her since she’d found herself ripped away from what she was now classifying as a sweet, indulgent fantasy, borne of the trauma of her injury, nothing more.

And yet…

Tucked up the sleeve of her coat, always with her, was a rolled scrap of parchment, upon which she’d documented every single aspect of that lovely hallucination that she could remember.  She knew she ought to squirrel it away somewhere safer, hide it from view, leave it behind so she might stop dwelling on these imaginary losses, but she could not.

It had become a talisman, of sorts, something that gave her comfort, just the scrape of it against her skin when she moved her arm as she walked.

She would be mortified, of course, if it were discovered.  She was half-terrified it would slip free, and be found by another, her deepest longings read aloud.  But for now, it eased the walk from her chambers to whatever task lay ahead, and so she kept it.  “Your Grace?”

Daenerys turned from the wide, carved windows in her council chamber, to find Tyrion lingering, watching her with marked curiosity.

Quirking a brow, she did not answer, merely waited.  Her Hand came closer, his fingers trailing down the Riverlands on the painted table as he approached.  “Are you certain you are well?”

“I’m faring well, Tyrion.”  She managed a tight smile, coming to stand at the head of the table, her eyes travelling over the surface rather than meeting the scrutiny in his.  “A few lingering headaches, that’s all.”

“Hmmm.”  Tyrion took another drink, then plucked a carved piece from the table, turning it over in his hands.  When she peeked up, however, he was still staring at her.  “As you say.  Perhaps there is something else that troubles you?”

Dany smoothed her suddenly damp palms down the front of her coat, and kissed her teeth.  “I think we shall all rest easier once we receive word from Casterly Rock, that your plan has succeeded.”  It was enough to shift his focus, and there was a measure of truth in it; Missandei had been beside herself with worry over Grey Worm, and she reminded herself to ask her dear friend just what, precisely, had occurred between them.

Tyrion affected a confident air, and tucked away his wineskin, clasping his hands behind his pace and beginning to pace.  “Yes, a victory is just what we need right now.  And I have every confidence that we will prevail.”  He kept moving, rounding the table, stopping by the depiction of the Northern Kingdom and plucking the wolf from the surface.  His eyes met hers, and she froze.  “How are things with our openly-rebellious friend?  Have relations,” he paused, smirking, “thawed, perhaps, now that you have given him access to the mines?”

She wondered, at the keen tone of his voice, what it was he was truly asking beneath the rather mundane question.  In truth, she had been avoiding Jon Snow, these past few days, at least as much as she could.  The daytime hours were no issue; he was busy down in the mines, and she had seen several carts of the dragonglass he’d been so desperate for, so it seemed his search had been successful.

It was harder once the sun had departed, for they had taken to dining in the main hall, all of Dragonstone’s occupants, and though she tried desperately not to look at him, there were several times at every meal that she couldn’t quite resist.  One night, in particular, he’d been seated beside her, had asked in his low, rumbling voice if her wound pained her, had inquired with a gentleness that had broken her heart anew.

When she’d told him she was well, and not to worry, that she had survived far worse, he had frowned fiercely, as though such a notion troubled him greatly, and it had taken all her strength not to kiss him then and there.

She had resisted the urge, and made cordial, cool conversation with him as necessary, but by the time she’d returned to her chambers she had thrown herself onto her bed and wept.  She was tired of this, tired of weeping, of missing a life that hadn’t even existed, had not been hers to begin with.

Thank you for the ask, good sir!!!

[parks-involving-water]

Review: Midnight by Set It Off

Okay let's just get straight to it. Yall know I’m a slut for Set It Off. This is just gonna be me going in-depth into all of my favorite parts of the songs and lyrics. Les go

1. Killer In The Mirror

This has been a bop since DAY ONE are you kidding me????? The sampling? The sheer amount of fuck you energy? The fast part during the pre-chorus? The DROP for the chorus? Cody saying “knock ‘em all the FUCK out” adds 10 years to my lifespan every time I hear it.

Favorite Lyrics: Now I know, there’s no one I can trust I used to think there was Tell me that I’m cut throat- I think you got your eyes closed Feel the fear, and swallow back the tears Let weakness disappear There’s nobody but me here- the killer in the mirror

We been knew this shit goes hard NEXT

2. Hourglass

YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW BAD THIS DESTROYED ME WHEN I FIRST HEARD IT. The fucking,,,, instrumental!!! The beat!!!! Cinematics is on the phone and she said this is it chief!!!! God!!! Like can we PLEASE talk about the nananas during the bridge?? It’s such a small thing but it adds so fuckin much to the song,,,, unbelievable

Favorite Lyrics: I'm falling through the hourglass And I don't think I'll ever make it back So I throw stones at walls I'll never climb Victim to the sands of time

This is also such like? Such a defining song for the sound of the whole album, if you think about it. Quality shit

3. Lonely Dance

ANOTHER one we already knew slaps. The guitar? The trumpet? Iconic. This one has such a fucking Vibe. Also???? So relatable. Cody came through with the social anxiety moods and I owe him my life for it.

Favorite Lyrics: Some days I’m up, some days I’m down Some days, the world is way too loud Some days my bed won't let me out But I’m okay with missin’ out on the social anxiety Out on the phony friends I don’t need So I just turn off my phone, turn on TV Cause solo’s the only way I can breathe

Okay a great song but OLD NEWS let’s get to that Fresh Content

4. Different Songs

Possibly the danciest song on this album. The fucking guitar riff and the bass? The melodies? The harmonizing in the bg of the pre-chorus and the bridge? It all blends together and it’s SUCH a bop. The most poppin song about falling out of love I’ve ever heard

Favorite Lyrics: We once called it love, devolved into lust Jealousy speaks out to silence the trust We temper our words 'cause we're scared of the truth Humming tunes that we can't get through

5. For You Forever

The instrumental in this one KILLS me. So do Cody’s vocals, honestly. He really poured his heart out into those “forever”s and you FEEL it. This one really hits me in the heart tbh. The whole theme of giving up on something that you want so bad is big oof

Favorite Lyrics: She said; “I won't wait for you forever, for you forever So, don't you say it's for the better, it's for the better 'Cause I can't take later than never, later than never No, I won't wait for you forever”

6. Dancing With The Devil

THIS SHIT IS SO BRUTAL. Like even the opening- the distorted vocals,,, god. And the lyrics! So fucking pissed off. Cody once again KILLS the delivery. I will never be over the emotion he puts into every song he sings. And when that hook hits the second time with his normal vocals and then the distorted version UNDERNEATH? Hits so hard. Don't even TALK to me about the rap part god. Also,,,, idk if this is about who I Think It’s About but like either way,,, go off sis

Favorite Lyrics: You try to act as if you're saving me But you wouldn't cut the rope if it was hanging me I'm sick of people saying what you sow you reap 'Cause I've been counting down the minutes of that, so to speak Think of all the hours and hours of grindin’ That would turn into sour findings As I wonder if our resigning is becoming the silver lining But I’m not a coward, I’m fighting Cause if they’re the meat, then I’m biting So go ahead, ignoring and smiling Cause I’m climbing til’ I let you know

7. Go To Bed Angry (Feat. Wayfarers)

This is! Such a good song, and I love the message. Like, settling issues instead of being passive aggressive or quietly angry. And it’s so nice to listen? Like everything feels so clean and leads into each other so well. Also!!! I’ve never listened to Wayfarers before but GOD the guest vocalist is AMAZING. Her and Cody’s voices harmonize so well. All in all a fuckin BOP

Favorite Lyrics: So don't you walk away from me Let's settle this, rather hear you scream Than whisper shit- there's no in-between 'Cause if we sleep in our feelings, we'll never start healing

8. Midnight Thoughts

ANOTHER one with some heavy Cinematics vibes. Honestly, I feel like this one is a great example of how amazing this album’s production is. Like, there’s so many little background elements that come together to make it sound so fuckin cool. For example, that one hook near the end where it suddenly strips back to just a beat and vocals? KILLED me. Also, another relatable anxiety bop,

Favorite Lyrics: Dim the lights, shut the blinds, but I’m counting the time Am I nervous or am I insane? Try to turn up the sound, but I can’t shut it out 'Cause I’m hearing the pulse in my veins

9. Criminal Minds

The orchestral feel to this one is so nice, and the rhythm of the lyrics feels so cool. The strings were such a good touch, they go really well with the electric guitar somehow. Cody’s vocals also feel really smooth in this one? Like this is just a pretty sounding number I love it

Favorite Lyrics: This stress eats at my soul I can't tell if I'm breathing at all Street drama takes its toll So, hit the road

10. No Disrespect

UGHHHHH don't get me STARTED on the chorus here. The stripped back staccato rhythm of the vocals with the bursts of instrumental, and then the way it flows into the full instrumental for the repetition in the second half of the chorus. It sounds so fucking gooooooooooooooood I'm having a crisis

Favorite Lyrics: 'Cause I don't see you the way you want to Forget your rescue, we're dreaming, dreaming, dreaming We had our good times, but time has passed by Begin your new life, I'm reaching, pleading, screaming

11. Stitch Me Up

I have SO much to say about this song. Cody and Shay are so fucking cute and their relationship is so nice. Any time Cody talks or sings about Shay you can feel how fuckin in love they are. The only two nice love songs I can ever remember him writing (The other one being Diamond Girl) have been about her and they’ve both been absolute gems. This one especially. It has such a potent vibe that I can really only describe as a summer song. It’s so,,, bouncy and lively and genuinely sweet with just a faint hint of sadness and ughhhhhhhh. PLUS the fuckin commentary Cody gave for this song on his insta story,,,,

“One of my favorites. These lyrics came straight from the heart. [Shay] and I have both come from damaged relationships, but somehow being broken is what made us whole.” 

Anyways love is real and I’m soft don't TOUCH ME

Favorite Lyrics: Stitch me up, stitch me up, don’t tear me apart I’ve been stuck in a rut, patched up in the dark Stitch me up, stitch me up, there’s pins in my heart Oh, pardon all my precious scars

12. Raise No Fool

Cody fuckin SNAPPED with this song and I’m living for it. One of the things Cody does so, so well, is delivering just the Most intense anger through his vocals and he brought it ALL for this one. You don’t know what happened but you fuckin FEEL it. Idk who this is about but like,,, killem Cody go Off bitch!!

Favorite Lyrics: Well, first you try to tell me that we're family Then you try to tell me that it's for the best You promise that you'll be there if I need ya But I don't need your handout, you can take it back!

13. I Want You (Gone) (Feat. Matt Appleton)

Another more mellow song, but it’s still so fuckin Good. It just has such a palpable vibe and feel. From what I can gather it’s about leaving a toxic relationship behind, and it Feels that way, in a sense? Like when I listen to it I just get this Feeling of something solemn yet triumphant and clean and new, like cutting someone shitty out of your life. PLUS, that sax? It adds SUCH a nice element to the second half of the song. Matt Appleton is a gift I’m so glad they brought him on for this song

Favorite Lyrics: I guess you'd say I'm blessed I threw away stress the moment I said I want you, I want you gone I'm on my own path, you're stuck in the past I want you, I want you gone

14. Unopened Windows

GOD,,, OKAY,,, HERE WE GO,,, Imma be real with yall. I cried the first time I heard this. It just be like that sometimes. But like this is LITERALLY Dad’s Song 2 and I wasn’t fuckin READY for that. There was no WARNING,,, I wasn’t told I was gonna get hit with that much EMOTION Okay okay for real though, this song is actually gorgeous. It’s just,,, pure fucking grief, so much of it, poured into a song. The composition, the vocals, every element of it is so powerful and heartbreaking. This is the kinda song you cry to- but like, a healing cry, the kind you have right before you take a deep breath and start moving on, y’know? The moment I heard Danny Boy near the end, I started crying all over again. Any time I hear this song or Dad’s Song, I cannot fucking begin to imagine how Cody must feel about what happened to his dad. It’s a kind of grief that can’t be explained. I’m just glad he feels like he can share it with all of us, and that he has a support system behind him. Also, I cannot communicate enough just how much this feels like a fucking,,, movie soundtrack. Like this shit would not feel out of place in a musical or something. The swelling orchestral music near the end fucking kills me. Gotta go cry again brb

Favorite Lyrics: All the stories left unwritten that we drew up in the past It's the game we never went to or the drinks we never had As I look up to the stars and make a wish to bring you back But I curse the roof above me and I learn to live behind all these Unopened windows, bound to my heart Fantasy so close feels so afar But I long to break the lock And live among the life we lost Through unopened windows; they tear me apart...

15. Happy All The Time (Feat. Skyler Acord)

WHAT a closing number. Addmmitedly a bit of a jarring followup to Unopened Windows, but it also makes a lot of sense, to go from a song about grief to a song about letting yourself process negative emotions. It also feels like SUCH a culmination of the album. Maxx even said in his Midnight release livestream, he thinks that it sort of represents the entire message of Midnight as a whole. The album was written to deal with a collection of sad, angry, and upsetting topics or experiences- this song takes all of those and says, “Dude, it’s fine, it’s okay to feel shitty, you don’t have to bottle it in or hide it” and honestly, there are so many people who need to hear that- it’s such an important message. Also??? The fucking???? Choir??? WHAT a touch. Honestly there are Several songs on this album that feel like they could be off a musical soundtrack and this is DEFINITELY one of them. It feels like a finale, and it’s so just powerful and uplifting and emotional, I love it so much.

Favorite Lyrics: It's okay, you're not crazy! Gotta taste the salt to love the sweet Let it out and scream “I'm okay, I'm not crazy!” 'Cause the tears remind me I'm alive It's fine to not be happy all the time!

Honestly, this may be my favorite album by them yet. It’s such a fucking monument to everything they’ve been through and learned and explored as a band for ten years, it has such a clear vision and comes together so well. The lyricism, vocals, instrumentals, composition, and production are all fucking fantastic. I’m so excited to see where this era leads us, and I’m so happy with what we’ve seen so far.

In conclusion, the boys did it again, I’m weeping, and stream Midnight on Itunes and Spotify. Peace out kids a bitch is gonna take a NAP

[lordhenry]

survey 41

How are you today? Not bad. Today is so over—it’s 2:30am right now. I went out for a change, tried a new coffee shop, my boyfriend had enough time to talk to me, and I transferred most of my русски�� notes from my tiny notebook to a bigger one. I felt productive.

What are three instruments you’d like to learn how to play? I already play guitar, but I’d love to learn cello, piano, and drums.

Do you think pineapple belongs on pizza? Nope. I don’t even like pineapple on its own, but I love the juice?

Which one of your parents do you think is smarter? My dad is academically smart; my mum is street savvy.

Which season’s colours do you look the best in? I love the autumn palette, but I don’t know which season’s colours I look best in and I don’t care.

Have you ever had a professional make-over? Yes, for prom.

What’s your favourite way to style your hair? I barely style my hair because I simply don’t have the skill. I like to just keep it down or throw it up in a bun or a pony tail.

What irritates you about your daily life? People around me. Sometimes life itself.

Could you come up with 100 random facts about yourself on the spot? Lol I wish I was that self-aware.

What are five things that would make you happier? Overall good health, to be where I want to be, with the person I want to be with, have more money, and have some fucking direction for once.

Do you ever curl your hair? I have a curling iron, but have only used it twice. I don’t have the patience tbh.

Have you ever straightened your hair for a dance? Bold of you to assume I dance. No.

Have you ever worn cat-eye glasses? Sunglasses, yes.

Who have you been missing lately? My boyfriend. I haven’t seen him in nearly 7 months now.

If you were a fantasy character, would you be a warrior, a mage or a rogue? Definitely more of a mage even though I’d like to be rogue lol.

Who is the most wonderful, amazing person in your life right now? My boyfriend is literally the only one who makes me want to even live.

What’s something repulsive in a member of your own gender? Pulling each other down. Women can be so envious and would go after one another just so they can be “better” ugh, I hate that shit.

Do your pets sleep next to you at night? My cat used to sleep next to me, but then now he sheds way too much and it goes absolutely everywhere so he sleeps on his mat instead.

How often do you use online dictionaries? Every time I encounter a word that I don’t know the meaning of. Every single time. I cannot just read past something that I don’t know the meaning of—it’ll drive me nuts.

What about between Pepsi and Coke or Sprite and 7Up? I find Pepsi awful. It’s like watered down Coke. I actually highly dislike Coke (or sodas in general) but I’d still rather drink it than Pepsi. Sprite is like Coke in its intensity and 7Up is its Pepsi equivalent.

Do you care what kind of toilet paper you use? Yes. I always get the Andrex quilted ones with more plies. I hate the flimsy ones because I just end up using more in the end and it’s not really environmentally helpful.

What colour of roses do you find the prettiest? White.

Do you think religious leaders just like to manipulate people? Radical ones, and also misinformed ones that can really hurt people. Reminds me of an FGM documentary that I watched where someone challenged the Imam to find where in the Quran does it say that vaginas need to be mutilated. He couldn’t find it!!!! Makes me so mad that people would do such a barbaric thing and pass it on as “part of their religion” when it isn’t and was just passed around as word-of-mouth, not religious fact, and they just took it like that without questioning it. Like, first of all, if your religion is condoning literal mutilation and not giving you your basic rights as a human (women’s vaginas are sensitive and you shouldn’t be cutting off the clitoris and stitching up the hole!!! this is life threatening AND we’re allowed to feel pleasure too!!!), you need to start questioning it.

Look to your left and name the first three things you see. Luggage, perfume, printer.

What is your favourite thing to drink? Cold water, coffee, masala chai, and freshly squeezed juices. 

Name three places in the world you would like to visit? Japan, Greece, Spain.

What was the last movie you saw at the cinemas? It was that Dog movie. I forgot the title. It was my little brother’s birthday so he chose the film to watch even though I really wanted to see Alita lol.

In a house fire, what three things would you save? Idk I’ll definitely just grab my 2 cats and then whatever else I can get that’s got value to me.

What scent is the deodorant you use? Unscented. I use a natural crystal spray.

Do you use body wash, shower gel, or soap? Soap first on its own, and then body wash with a loofah.

Have you ever been so lonely you cried? What made you stop crying? Yeah, the first two months of me being back home. I was finally with family, but I felt lonelier than ever. I got so used to being on my own and then only living with my boyfriend. It was peaceful and I loved the life we had together, then all of a sudden I’m back to the way it’s always been and I just felt lonely despite actually having more people around me. I guess I got used to it so I stopped crying over it after like 2 months of intermittent crying lol.

What would you say is one of the best songs you’ve ever heard? The Rain Song by Led Zeppelin. I want it played at my funeral.

Would you ever consider getting breast implants? Nope. Fake titties just don’t look good to me. They don’t look like they feel good either.

When was the last time you kissed someone? Are you dating that person? 23rd August 2018, the date of my flight, ughhhhh. Yes, still.

What is the most expensive thing in your bedroom?  This Prada bag in front of me.

What does the lead singer of the band you’re listening to, look like? I literally don’t know. It’s just one of those songs I listen to but that’s it, nothing else by the same musician so idk.

At what age did your parents start trusting you alone with the opp. sex? I don’t know because they have always trusted me. People often describe me as trustworthy to begin with. Late this year I’m moving in with my boyfriend for post grad and they’re cool with that. 

Are you sexually active? How long have you been that way? Not really because I haven’t even seen my boyfriend for nearly 7 months. How long uhh just since early last year.

What was the most romantic moment of your life? Err probably when Z and I went on a day trip to York because strolling down the beautiful streets, I kind of got hit by the fact that wow I’m dating someone? haha. I’m going on dates? Weird. I never fall in love ever but now here I am.

What’s something that most people don’t know about you? Errrr that I’m not actually half British? For some reason I kind of just assume my friends know that my English dad is not my biological dad but then I get shocked that they get shocked to find that out like hello are you not seeing me I mean idk I don’t rly look half white to me?

What does your last text say? "Alright” to my little brother.

Do you think you’re pretty? Yes, on good days and when my skin cooperates with me. But when I think I look ugly, I look really ugly.

What is your current relationship status? In a relationship.

Bluntness, do you like it? Not so much the bluntness, but the honesty. If you can say the same thing in a better way without compromising truth, then do so.

What is the first thing you notice about someone, physically? Whatever physical attribute they have that sticks out. (i.e. they’re really tall, then I’ll notice that. Their eyes are light and bright, I’ll notice that.)

Do you believe in love? I’m in my first ever relationship and I guess I’m still hopeful so sure.

Thoughts on Justin Bieber? Never liked / cared about him.

How many times per week do you shower? I wash my body every day, but my hair every other day cause it’s dyed.

What is your favourite colour pen to write with? Black and also navy blue.

Would you rather do a craft project or a science experiment? Defo science.

What is your favourite thing about yourself? Intellect.

What’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you? I hate to make every answer about my boyfriend but ugh it’s him. I got all the way to the age of 19 without any real romantic experience until I met him and uh now I understand the hype? haha.

What was the name of the first dorm you lived in? The Glassworks.

Do you part your hair on the left side, right side, or in the middle? It parts on its own a little to the left.

[youremyonlyhope]

Children of Earth: Day 5

AKA: Torchwood just loves to hurt of its fans.

OR: Some of the most upsetting and disturbing stuff I’ve ever watched.

Why why why why why am I watching this? I don’t know? But I don’t know when I’ll have time to, so I’m watching it now. Before i chicken out and avoid it for months.

I’m gonna press play. If I remember correctly, the episode opens with Gwen on camera right? Giving that chilling speech? I hope I’m wrong because I’d rather work up to that and not just be thrown into it. Too painful.

Ok the preview played. Are those doors airtight? The ones the people were banging on before they died? Shouldn’t the virus have gotten out? NOOOO IT’S GWEN’S VIDEO WHY. “The Doctor must look upon this planet, and turn away in shame.” Just... That line hit me so hard the first time and I still think about it and it still hurts. I’m so so so stressed out. I hate the Prime Minister so much. I love Rhiannon so much. I love her taking in all the kids. I hate that her taking in all the kids leads to the most upsetting scene I’ve ever had to watch. I’m emotional already, my eyes are wet. No. She said “My brother works for the government” and she has no idea about Ianto wow I am in pain. I still like the American General, for now. “Any soldier refusing to do his duty will make his own family liable” YEAH SO ME STILL LIKING THE AMERICAN GENERAL LASTED ALL OF ABOUT 2 MINUTES. Ok Unit Colonel, please, please don’t disappoint me. You’re the only one left that I like. Oh, I still like Dekker since he’s at least smart. Glad he survived since he was the only one who actually believed they’d be back and prepared for it by keeping track of the 456 frequency. Honestly, UNIT should have been on this a long time ago. I wish I could remember my exact reaction to finding out they use the kids to get high. This time around, when 456 said “We need them for the hit” I just kind of rolled my head back slowly because I forgot that that was the way they worded it. “Let’s not forget, your government started this trade. You opened the market over 40 years ago.” I don’t like the American General anymore but he’s still right, and still better than the PM. Oh god we got the World Health Organization in on this too. Frobisher’s too smart. Frobisher really deserved better than being sucked into this. Better than having all of this on him. LOIS DESERVES BETTER TOO. I can’t remember if Torchwood gets her out of jail and gets her record cleared, but they better. Jack. Jack Jack Jack Jack Jack I hate everything I love you and I love that you love Gwen so much that you want her away from this but I hate everything that’s about to happen I hate everything and I hate Torchwood especially. I LITERALLY FORGOT GWEN’S EVEN PREGNANT AT THIS POINT. AND THEN I JUST REMEMBERED. Oh poor Lois. Also, I think this jail cell set is the same one from Small Worlds. I can’t breathe. I literally can’t breathe. This when PM tells Frobisher his kids will be taken, isn’t it? “Terrible day.” Understatement of the century, Frobisher.

I’d forgotten that his kids had been picked as a way to show the public it was all ok. The PM didn’t have to have his kids actually go through with being taken. He could have had them be given a flu shot in their home, or even in some other location after Frobisher lets them go off with the soldiers, and be like “look it’s just a shot.” BUT NO. HE TELLS FROBISHER TO HIS FACE “YOUR KIDS ARE GOING TO BE GIVEN TO THE 456 TO BE USED AS A DRUG.” IT COULD HAVE ALL BEEN FOR SHOW. BUT THIS EVIL PM IS LETTING THEM BE TAKEN. WHY? WHY?!?!?!?!? FROBISHER’S DONE NOTHING BUT BEEN LOYAL TO A FAULT. A HORRIBLE FAULT. BUT HE DID EVERYTHING HE WAS TOLD. AND YOU REPAY HIM BY TAKING AWAY HIS KIDS? AS A WAY TO REASSURE THE PUBLIC?

OOOOH IT’S SO “THE GOVERNMENT MUST BE SEEN AS A VICTIM OF THE 456.” HIS KIDS HAVE TO GO MISSING AND “DIE” TOO. SO 1/10TH OF ALL KIDS ARE TAKEN, BUT ONLY ONE GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL’S KIDS END UP BEING PICKED? OUT OF HUNDREDS OF GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS, OR AT LEAST THE 20 THAT WERE IN THE PLANNING ROOM, ONLY 1 HAS THEIR KID BE PART OF THE 10%? AND IT’S THE ONE GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL THAT ALL OF THIS BLAME IS BEING PUT ON IN THE FIRST PLACE? I HATE EVERYTHING.

“If you put me on camera, I will tell people the truth.” YES FROBISHER. I mean, I’m mad it took you specifically being affected to start fighting back, but at least you came around eventually. And you did kind of rebel just the tiniest little bit last episode in a subtle way. “But then your daughters would know where they’re going. Best not.” SO HE’D STILL FORCIBLY TAKE THEM FROM HIM. I HATE HE’S SO CALM. “I’m sorry John.” You’re not sorry at all. You’d let your own kids or grandkids be taken if you were truly sorry. “And I’m really very busy” OH. OH. SO NOW YOU’RE BUSY. YOU WEREN’T BUSY BEFORE WHEN YOU WERE MAKING FROBISHER DO ALL THE HARD STUFF. Andy. Andy my baby I want to cry I’m so happy to see him. Oh I guess Gwen’s trying to protect Andy’s family by not telling him, since the stupid American General said anyone who didn’t follow orders would have their kids picked. He doesn’t have kids, so I guess maybe any children in his family. “That’s what Torchwood does, you see. It ruins your life.” Truer words have never been spoken. The paparazzi. No. IT WAS BRIDGET WHO GOT HER OUT. I never hated Bridget. Sometimes she frustrated me, but I never was actually mad at her throughout this whole thing. I hope I wasn’t mad at her the first time... Oh god they filmed the girls going up the stairs through the front door window, like paparazzi.

God I’m like... shaking. I cannot describe the feeling, it’s not even shaking it’s different. I almost feel like I want to throw up. And Bridget already using “John Frobisher was a good man.” in the past tense. I had to pause and stretch to try to get the feeling to go away. Oh my god. It’s still there in my shoulders.

Never mind, Bridget doesn’t get her out. I still don’t hate Bridget though. Oooohh Rhiannon doesn’t know Gwen. Oh no. Do these soldiers know what they’re doing when they hand off the kids? Because the first time around, they got Jack to do it since they thought he wouldn’t care. But I guess the “you family will be picked” threat is what’s making them do it. This teacher fighting for the kids... my heart. God. I’m just an assistant dance teacher and work at an after school, but if they tried anything like this to my kids I’d fight tooth and nail. Wow I’m emotional. The boy running to his mom and being grabbed by a soldier. Wow. God just... Gwen probably treasured the moment where Ianto gave her a new wedding dress... and Rhiannon kind of took the memory away in her grief. “Then we better go and get them” AMERICAN GENERAL, I HATE YOU AND I HATE THAT YOU’RE TRYING TO GET ON THE PM’S LEVEL OF AWFULNESS. “He’ll be fine. The nice kids are safe.” THEY’RE ALL NICE. THERE ARE NICE KIDS AND BULLIES OF ALL LEVELS OF “VALUABLE” OR WHATEVER YOU GUYS ARE USING TO PICK THE KIDS. SO NO, NOT ALL THE NICE KIDS ARE SAFE. Oh god poor Lois again. My baby Andy. Deciding to help distract the guards and buy more time. I love Andy so much. Breaking into houses... why why why. My baby Andy. He should have kept on the armor since it’d protect him, but I understand the metaphor of him shedding his police uniform to fight the soldiers. Johnson, girl, I love you at this point since you’ve officially flipped sides and you were always awesome even when you were bad, but Dekker did not deserve to be shot. Gwen was holding the littlest girl while making the video. Oh god I hurt. Oh Rhys. 80% Ughhhhh whyyyyyy Oooooh Dekker. Dekker no. Dekker. No. No no no. I was remembering this as Jack’s idea. As something Jack thought of reluctantly. But no. It was Dekker. AND I SPENT THE ENTIRE SEASON SAYING HOW MUCH I LIKED YOU. I know you’re on our side, but it was easier to blame Jack for sacrificing his own grandson, a child that he has at least some sort of custody of. NOT YOU SUGGESTING SACRIFICING SOMEONE ELSE’S KID. AND HE LAUGHED ABOUT HIM “FRYING.” WHYYYYY. No background music while Alice screams “Steven.” I hurt. WHO IS THIS LADY WHO RATTED OUT WHERE THE KIDS WERE? I GOT SO CLOSE TO CRYING JUST NOW. IF THE SCENE OF THEM RUNNING LASTED 10 MORE SECONDS I WOULD HAVE BEEN SOBBING. THE MOST HORRIFYING AND UPSETTING SCENE IN TORCHWOOD. I FORGOT ABOUT ALL THE CHILDREN SHRIEKING. “We can say that today’s events were in American hands.” I. HATE. YOU. SO. MUCH. PRIME. MINISTER. OH MY GOD. YOU THINK OF NOTHING BESIDES SAVING YOURSELF. YES BRIDGET CALL HIM OUT. MY. GIRL. BRIDGET. YES. Ok Denise just because you’re a better person than the PM does not make you a good person. But thanks for looking out for my girl Lois. HIS VORTEX MANIPULATOR. I forgot that that could have gotten destroyed, I was focusing on his coat too much.

I hate Jack and his stupid habit of running off. Stop it. Please baby stop it.

Ok. Gotta get in a car for an hour. Will edit and add thoughts later.

Aaaaannnddd I’m back!

Children of Earth probably is Torchwood’s best season. But Season 2 is still my favorite season. But I appreciate Children of Earth so much more now since honestly over this last year or so sometimes I’d be like “Was Children of Earth REALLY that good? So good that everyone has to say Season 1 sucks and Season 2 is only ok?” and yeah COE is pretty fantastic, people aren’t exaggerating I just had blocked a lot of it out because it was so painful. I still love Season 2 more. But that’s because I’m biased and love Owen and Tosh too much.

God Ianto. Poor Ianto. And poor Rhiannon, losing her brother and then nearly losing her kids. Why why why must Torchwood kill all of my babies. All of my loves. Torchwood, STOP KILLING OFF MAIN CHARACTERS. And give Owen and Tosh shrines too.

Children of Earth is way too relevant right now with Trump’s zero tolerance policy separating families. Especially Day 4, that was hitting wayyyyyy too close to home. People always say that Children of Earth is so good because it’s exactly what would happen in that situation, and yeah after this month that’s pretty much confirmed. And the worst part is that you can’t even be completely mad at the people begging for their children not to be picked because we just naturally want to keep our families safe above everything else. It’s understandable, but still horrible. It’s selfishness but... almost not since it’s because you care for others? It’s just that the others that you care for are related to you. It’s such a complicated and messed up situation.

But the Prime Minister was just plain selfish. Not even motivated by his love for his children like the selfishness of other characters. He just wanted to keep his image clean. I hate him SO MUCH. I THINK I HATE HIM THE MOST OUT OF ALL THE CHARACTERS IN THE WHONIVERSE. Literally I cannot think of anyone else I hate more. Not even Daleks. Not even Cybermen Not even the Master since at least when the Master’s being evil they are also lovable. Or at least Simm!Master and Missy were lovably evil, I haven’t seen any Old Who episodes with the Master.

Lois Habiba. Girl deserves to be the new Prime Minister. Just, give her whatever job she wants. She’s so fantastic. I love her so much. She deserves everything. I’m glad Denise at least got her out of jail and pardoned.

Peter Capaldi. I cannot put into words. How much I love Peter Capaldi. He blew me away. I’ve told the story many many times, but it was mid-August, 2013, and everyone and their mother is being listed as a potential 12th Doctor. The announcement’s either a day or 2 days away, and I’m scrolling through tumblr and see someone say “Peter Capaldi’s name has popped up on a lot of lists of who could be the next Doctor.” and I got “Who’s Peter Capaldi? Why does that name ring a bell?” So I google him. And I see he was in Torchwood. I had just finished watching Torchwood barely 2 months earlier. So I go “HIM. I WANT HIM TO BE THE NEXT DOCTOR. PLEASE TELL ME IT’S GONNA BE HIM.” because he blew me completely away as Frobisher and I was sure he could blow me away as the Doctor. The day of the announcement comes, but I have to go to lunch with my grandpa and my step-uncle while it’s supposed to be airing. Right before we leave, I go to the bathroom and check my phone, and my tumblr has blown up with gifs of Peter Capaldi being revealed as the Twelfth Doctor. And I was so happy because I knew the Doctor was in good hands. And I loved Capaldi as the Doctor. He’s honestly my second favorite Doctor after Nine. Apparently, I love my Doctors to be a little grumpy. And Twelve was sooooooo grumpy and I loved it. And he was also so kind and caring. I loved every second of it. I loved everything about Twelve. I LOVED his guitar, I joked that Capaldi leaving was like a bad break up for me because in the days after Christmas, if I looked at a guitar I’d end up sobbing because it reminded me of Capaldi. I even loved the sunglasses that half the fandom hated, I thought they added to his older-Doctor-who’s-kind-of-punk-and-doesn’t-know-people-think-he’s-old thing that he had going for him. I thought they were perfect. And I loved that Twelve being a “good man” was an overarching theme for his run. I’m honestly still mad they didn’t acknowledge Frobisher in the show (and my ultimate dream was Jack coming back and seeing Twelve and FREAKING OUT thinking Frobisher was still alive) but I’m glad that the “good man” theme was probably definitely a little subtle reference to Frobisher.

John Frobisher was a good man. A good man in a very horrible situation. I hate that after all that, he not only died, he killed his family and himself. Because death was a better fate for his daughters than being drained as a drug for aliens. And he and his wife could never live without their daughters so he had to kill her and himself too. AND THEN IT WAS ALL FOR NOTHING. BECAUSE JACK MANAGED TO SAVE THE WORLD IN THE END. FROBISHER DIED FOR NOTHING. HE KILLED HIS FAMILY FOR NOTHING. And the 3 quick shots, followed by one a few seconds later. Because he had to look at what he had done before he killed himself. Wow. TORCHWOOD HURTS ME SO MUCH. PETER CAPALDI, YOU ARE AMAZING. And finding out that the Frobishers dying was like Time’s way of correcting Caecillius’ family surviving Pompeii just completely RUINED ME. I think I literally felt my soul leave my body once I figured that out. And sure enough I looked into it and saw that RTD and Moffat confirmed it.

Jack killing Steven. I get why he did it. It was the only way to ensure that he would be the only one to suffer. Except, Alice had to suffer too. But it was the closest thing to Jack being the only victim of what he did to save all the other children. If he had picked another child it would have hurt that child’s family. Jack would rather he and his daughter be the only ones in pain. And Alice looking at him one last time before leaving forever. Wow. It hurts. I wish there had been another way.

Yep. So. That was a painful journey. I don’t know if I’ll watch Miracle Day. But yeah. That’s it for Children of Earth. Lois Habiba is the best. John Frobisher was a good man who deserved better.

OH GOD THAT WAS ONLY 5 DAYS FOR THEM. WHY IS THAT REALLY JUST NOW HITTING ME?!?!?!