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zen3to5 · 5 years ago

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J/H 7-23: Take It or Leave It

I suspect some of you reading this rewrite are more interested in what happens in this episode than in the season finale. This was certainly the moment of the show I was most interested in changing, and spent the most time on, once I decided to go past Season 5. I hope you enjoy it.

FF.Net AO3

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SHOW TITLE INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT It’s a quiet night in the basement. HYDE sits in his chair, sunglasses off, head bowed in thought over the coffee table. He’s bent far enough over that SCHATZI, sitting on the table, can sniff at his hair. DONNA, sitting on the couch, and ERIC, enjoying a popsicle while standing behind the couch, watch Hyde with great amusement. ERIC: So, Hyde – it’s Friday night. Weekend’s coming up. The end of another week. Almost the end of the month. The month Jackie said you had to decide whether to marry her or let her go take that TV job in Chicago. HYDE: (looks up) What’s your point? ERIC: Oh, no point – I just like throwing that in your face. Donna chuckles, swats Eric on the arm. DONNA: Hyde, don’t you think it’s a little cruel to make Jackie sweat it out all month? I mean, shouldn’t you just get it over with? HYDE: Get what over with? DONNA: Well, you’re gonna say “no” to marrying her, right? Unless... She and Eric gasp together. Eric drops his now-empty popsicle stick, and Donna’s right hand goes over her mouth while her left hand grips Hyde’s arm. DONNA (cont’d): Oh, my God, you’re thinking of saying “yes!” ERIC: Oh, my God. You want to marry her. DONNA: (mocking) You want to marry her because you love her. ERIC: (doing Hyde, to Donna) “Jackie, you’re everything this poor little orphan boy ever needed.” DONNA: (doing Jackie, to Eric) “Oh, my God, I really am!” HYDE: Would you two shut up? I don’t know yet, okay? And, if I say “yes,” it isn’t because I love her. Love is a concept cooked up by Madison Avenue to sell to losers who’re too afraid to be alone. ERIC: Uh, no, you’re thinking of kittens. He exits up the stairs. Hyde sighs, sets Schatzi down on the floor and starts fidgeting with his eyeball ring. Donna slides down the couch, closer to Hyde’s chair. DONNA: You really don’t know what you’re gonna tell her, do you? What, you’re not sure if you want to wake up every morning to – (doing Jackie) “Steven, we need new patio furniture! Steven, I need $200! Steven, don’t forget the PTA meeting!” She laughs; Hyde scowls. DONNA (cont’d): (serious) Or are you not sure she should stay here? HYDE: (sighs) Look, remember when Red got sick, and Forman had to stay home but you were still gonna go to college, and he didn’t ask you to stay? And then when you were gonna get married, and he didn’t show up? He didn’t not do those things because he didn’t want to be with you. He just didn’t want to see you give up on your dreams and ruin your life. He let you do that on your own. DONNA: What do you mean? I didn’t ruin my life. Radio DJ was the kind of job I was gonna go to college for, and I got that job anyway, so I didn’t need to go. I mean, okay, I thought I would travel more – or at all. I thought I’d get to do more of the writing. Point Place doesn’t get the biggest acts anymore. My boss is a skeevy perv. And I only stayed for Eric, and now he's going away, so... She frowns, looks off in thought. From the corner of her eye, she notices Hyde staring at her. DONNA (cont’d): Hey, this isn’t about me! This is about you and your loud-mouthed girlfriend, and if you don’t give her an answer, she’s gonna flood every station in the area with non-stop ABBA requests until you do! She sits back in a huff, arms crossed. Hyde sighs and bends down to scratch Schatzi’s ears.

MAIN CREDITS BUMPER INT. FORMAN KITCHEN - DAY Breakfast with friends, invited or otherwise. FEZ and KELSO sit at the kitchen table, each with a plate of bacon, eggs, and sausages. Eric stands across from them, between the table and the stove. A sheet of paper is in his hand; his practice teaching notes. He pays them an occasional glance as he tries out a lecture on Fez and Kelso while they eat. ERIC: “And so the baby, safely nestled in a tiny craft, is sent to safety, and is found by a loving couple who raise him as their own until, one day, when that baby is fully grown, he learns the truth about his identity – and his destiny. Now, you may be thinking, ‘that’s the story of Moses.’ But what if I told you that it’s also the story of... Superman.” Kelso’s jaw drops and Fez’s eyes bulge. KELSO: Whoa. He stabs at some eggs with his fork and, without looking away from Eric, lifts them up to Fez’s mouth. Fez takes the bite and does the same thing with a sausage for Kelso. KELSO (cont’d): (with mouth full) If church had talked more about Superman, I might’ve paid more attention when Moses was knocking down the walls of Bethlehem to save Noah from the Trojan horse. ERIC: Pretty great, huh? And UW wants to expand the class’s appeal to ladies, so I’m working on a whole series of lectures about female empowerment in Wonder Woman. FEZ: She can empower me right into the bedroom, if you know what I mean. KELSO: You know what I always thought would be great? If you did it with Wonder Woman, but she kept her bracelets on the whole time. And then, if she brought the lasso of truth, she could get freaky with the lasso, and then... other stuff could happen. Fez nods approvingly. FEZ: Do you think the lasso would work on I Dream of Jeannie? Or would the genie magic grant her immunity? KELSO: Did you just suggest a Wonder Woman and Jeannie three-way? FEZ: Or Samantha from Bewitched. KELSO: Or Wonder Woman, Jeannie, and Samantha from Bewitched! He and Fez share excited gasps and dopey grins. Eric looks between them, eyebrows raised. ERIC: Okay, guys – do me a favor and never visit me at UW when classes are in session. RED and KITTY enter from the living room. Red gives Eric a contemptuous once-over. RED: (to Eric) Well, well. If it isn’t the University of Wisconsin’s newest teacher. A lazy smart mouth who just wasted a year of his life sitting around in my basement, and who wasted most of the other seventeen years also sitting around in my basement. ERIC: “Lazy?” I’ve spent all day, every day since I signed up for the pilot teaching program putting together lectures, reading lists, lesson plans – I even picked out Star Wars curtains for the classroom! RED: Well, isn’t that great – you’ve finally come around to making some use of your time, and you spend it plotting out how you’re going to “teach” a lot of useless crap. Kitty tuts, swats Red’s arm, and pushes past him to Eric. KITTY: No, no. Honey, we are so proud of you for finding a way to pay for college and get started on your career. In Madison. The big city. Where there are concerts and restaurants and laundromats and you’ll never have a reason to come home to your mother. (sniffs) Who I guess will just stay here and die. Lip quivering, she turns away and tends to a plate of bacon remaining on the stove. RED: (to Eric) Teaching a pilot class that nobody can make any practical use of and making your mother cry. I guess that’s all in a day’s work for Professor Dumbass. ERIC: Okay, you know what, Dad? I don’t have to take this anymore. Because I did exactly what you wanted me to do. You wanted me to pick a career – I picked one. You wanted me to go to college – I’m going. I even found a way to pay for it on my own. And you’ve just been a jerk about all of it. But I’m out of here at the end of the month, and until then, we’re done. He gathers his notes and exits out the patio door. Kitty crosses to Red, smacks him on the arm again. RED: Ow! That one hurt! KITTY: Serves you right. Eric’s right, Red. Would it kill you to show your son a little pride and support? RED: For what? It’s not like he’s gonna be teaching anything useful. KITTY: You think the only “useful” things are the things they taught you in the war! How many times since Korea have you had to fix a bayonet onto anything? KELSO: (to Red) You know what? I bet the reason you’re being so mean to Eric is ‘cause you’re sad he’s gonna be gone, but you don’t wanna admit it. FEZ: (to Red) Aww... someone is feeling the empty nest. They both snicker. RED: No, but I’m feeling like your asses are empty. And I’m about to fill them with my foot. He gives the boys a cold stare. The grins fall from their faces. They jump to their feet and race out the patio door. BUMPER MUSIC NOTE: “I Want You to Want Me” by Cheap Trick. INT. RADIO STATION - DAY WFPP control room, early afternoon. “I Want You to Want Me” continues; it’s playing on-air. Donna sits at the control panel. JACKIE is with her, in a spare seat she has rolled back against the wall. Donna turns off her mic, takes off her headphones, and turns to talk to Jackie. DONNA: I don’t know, Jackie. I mean, what if Hyde��s right? What if I’ve wasted a whole year of my life, just like Eric? And now he’s going to college and I’m gonna be stuck here in this dinky town, trying to get good music in between farm reports and ads for Benny’s Bodacious Bods Gym. JACKIE: Okay, Donna? No offense, but the only words of Steven’s I’m interested in right now are “yes, Jackie, I will marry you.” (sighs) God, why did I open up my heart to him? DONNA: Yeah, I was a little surprised. I thought for sure you’d just try to manipulate him. I mean, the bitchy stuff is your bread and butter. JACKIE: You know, I had fake pregnancy right up my sleeve, and I didn’t use it. Now I’m the vulnerable one, waiting for his answer. DONNA: Well, Jackie, you did give him until the end of the month. JACKIE: Which is almost here. Look, I thought, “if I really put myself out there, he’ll see how much I love him and say ‘yes’ right away.” And when he didn’t, I thought, “okay, well, maybe he’ll take a couple of hours or a couple of days and then say ‘yes.’” But now I think he’s only taking so long ‘cause he’s gonna say “no.” She puts a hand to her face and turns away. Donna stands, crosses to her, and pats her back. The control room door opens, and MAX enters with a stack of records. His long absence hasn’t changed his sense of style or scruffy facial hair. The girls don’t notice him at first, or he them; he crosses the room, sets the records down, and only on turning around does he see Donna and Jackie. MAX: Donna? Donna looks up, sees Max. She smiles and crosses to give him a hug. DONNA: Max? Oh, my God! Where have you been? No one’s seen you since the Steve Miller Band concert. MAX: Well, after I did the interview with Stevie, I bumped into someone from security. Knocked the drink tray he was carrying out of his hands. He said “wassa matter, you on dope?” And then one thing led to another, and... well, I’m back now. But I’m surprised you’re still here. Weren’t you and your boyfriend going to UW together? DONNA: Oh, well... you know. Some things happened. (beat) Hey – how did you end up working at WFPP? I mean, was a small town radio station where you thought you’d end up? MAX: Oh, no. No, I had my wild years, following the tour buses, traveling with talent I managed, living and covering the music scene from New York to L.A. Eventually, you get tired and want to settle down. And it’s a good thing we have going here. DONNA: But you had your wild years first? MAX: (nods) And that’s a good thing too. He gives her a small smile, and Donna smiles back. Their moment is interrupted by the arrival of the diminutive MR. RANDALL, as stodgy as ever. He knocks on the doorframe to claim attention. MR. RANDALL: Max! What have I told you about leaving your music recommendations on my desk? You do it again and you’re out of here. For the last time, that Huey Lewis and the News group isn’t going anywhere! He storms out. MAX: (to Donna) Of course, not everything about this place is a good thing. He grunts and exits. CUT TO: INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – DAY Later in the afternoon. Kitty sits at the kitchen table, enjoying a cup of tea while she reads the newspaper. Red enters from the basement, a box loaded with old toys, games, and posters in his arms. One G.I. JOE sticks out prominently from the load, as does a CANDYLAND BOX. He sets it down on the island, and the sound draws Kitty’s attention. KITTY: (points at box) What have you got there? RED: Nothing much. Just a few of Eric’s old things. KITTY: (stands) Oh-ho! Seems like Michael was right after all. Seems like someone’s upset that his only son is leaving us in a few weeks and went looking for a few of this baby boy’s things to remember him by. She chuckles, raps the table with her knuckles, and folds her arms, very smug. RED: No, Kitty. I’m hauling some busted parts from the muffler shop to the dump later, and I figured I’d get rid of some of Eric’s old crap while I’m at it. Kitty’s face drops like a rock. KITTY: How can one man be so completely devoid of sensitivity? RED: Easy. It was blown off by shrapnel on Okinawa. Red picks the box back up and exits into the living room. CUT TO: EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – DAY Overlapping with the end of the previous scene. The Vista Cruiser idles in the driveway. Eric and Hyde are seated in the patio chairs. Eric looks through the patio door into the kitchen, watching Red leave, while Hyde leans back and relentlessly taps his foot and fidgets with his eyeball ring. ERIC: Man, can you believe Red’s being such a hard ass about this pilot teaching program? Hyde gives Eric a look. ERIC (cont’d): What? HYDE: You’re gonna be teaching nerd books and Scooby-Doo to college kids and you’re surprised Red Forman’s making fun of you? Man, how is it that I’m the long-term guest in your house, and you’re the one who doesn’t get your dad? That’s like Han Solo knowing better than Luke Skywalker about Uncle Owen being a hard ass about the moisture farm. Eric breaks into a dopey grin. ERIC: Hey – did you just - HYDE: Don’t get weird on me, Forman. I’ve gotta plan out my whole life before the end of the month and I’ve gone through my whole stash. ERIC: Man, why is this such a big deal? I mean, Jackie’s basically letting you off the hook. It’s like the greatest going away gift ever – never having to see or hear Jackie Burkhart again. HYDE: Oh yeah, it’s the perfect gift. It’s free, she didn’t have to wrap it, and it makes me wish I was dead. (sighs) Screw it. I’m not getting anywhere just sitting here. There’s only one place a man can turn before making a huge decision like this. ERIC: Dive bar? HYDE: Dive bar. You drive. They stand, clap each other on the back, and head for the Vista Cruiser. FADE TO BLACK COMMERCIAL BUMPER INT. DIVE BAR - EVENING A dive so din, dark, and dank that even Bud Hyde wouldn’t tend that bar. A small, disreputable looking lot populate the place, which boasts a dart board, pool table, and a few short round tables, all occupied. Eric and Hyde enter and immediately make for two open bar stools. Eric sits to Hyde’s left; a TRUCKER is already seated to his right. He doesn’t acknowledge the boys, and they don’t acknowledge him. Eric signals the BARTENDER for two beers. ERIC: Man, Hyde, look at us. I’ve got my future in college to prepare for, you’ve gotta decide what to do about Jackie, and yet – here we are, about to get so drunk it’ll be a miracle if we can make it home with us and the Vista Cruiser all in one piece. (beat) I’m gonna miss this. The bartender places two bottles of beer in front of the boys. HYDE: (to Eric) You know, if anybody responsible we know was here, they’d tell me I’m not gonna find the answer to my problems with Jackie at the bottom of this beer. But you never know until you look. ERIC: And, if it’s not in that one, it could always be in the next. They pick up their bottles, clink them together, and take a big swill before slamming them back down on the counter. Slow push-in on Hyde’s bottle, and we begin: MONTAGE. SET TO “YOU REALLY GOT ME” BY THE KINKS. A) Hyde’s one bottle is now two. Slow pull out as Hyde, now tipsy, lifts up the second bottle, takes a swallow, and leans against a still-sober Eric. HYDE: Okay – I made up my mind about Jackie. I’m gonna marry her! I’m gonna be Mrs. Jackie Hyde! He takes another swig of beer and slams the bottle down. Push-in on the bottles, and cut to: B) The two bottles are now four. Pull out as Hyde, now properly drunk, swings one of the bottles around as he spins his stool to face Eric. HYDE (cont’d): How dare she give me an ultimatum! This is my life she’s messing with! She can go to Hell! I will see her in Hell! He throws his head back, empties the beer bottle down his throat, and slams it back on the counter. Push-in on the bottles, and cut to: C) The four are now seven. Pull out to find an off-balance Hyde and a now-drunk Eric with their arms around each others’ shoulders. HYDE (cont’d): What the hell’s so great about Chicago anyway? And you’re getting out of here, Donna won’t stay here forever – what am I supposed to do? Spend the rest of my life in that basement, babysitting Tweedledee and Tweedletard? No way she’s leaving me alone with that! He and Eric both swoop up their bottles, take a drink, and slam them down. Push-in on Hyde’s bottles, and cut to: D) Seven is now ten. Pull out as Hyde pounds a fist down against the counter. HYDE (cont’d): What the hell is she thinking, wanting to stay around here? This is her life she’s throwing away! (to Eric) Would you stick around here for a burnout living in your parents’ basement? No! No, you wouldn’t! No way I’m letting her do that! He grabs a bottle, takes a swig, and finds it empty. He tosses the bottle over his shoulder and signals the bartender for one more. Push-in on the remaining bottles, and cut to: E) Extreme close-up on Hyde’s loose, slack-jawed, spacey-eyed face. He’s well-loaded at this point. HYDE (cont’d): You know what, Forman? I’m a little confused. But I do know that I love you, man. I really, really do. He leans to his right, and we pan with him as he puts an arm around the trucker and kisses him on the cheek. The trucker shoots him an evil eye, and Hyde leans back slightly. HYDE (cont’d): Hey, where’d Forman go? Pan to the left as Eric, now well off-balance, leans in and taps Hyde on the shoulder. ERIC: Still on your left, buddy. Pan right as Hyde looks back to the trucker and offers a sheepish grin of apology. The trucker responds with a punch to the face. Hyde just manages to keep his balance long enough to throw himself back at the trucker and tackle him to the floor and out of frame. Eric spins around for a better view of the fight. He’s slack-jawed and glassy-eyed himself, but still with it enough to pump a fist and cheer Hyde on. ERIC (cont’d): Whoa, Hyde! You – you get ‘em, man! You got ‘em! You got ‘em! You... you really don’t got him. Wow. This is not good. He looks all around the room; no one’s coming to help. Eric sighs and picks up his bottle. ERIC (cont’d): Well, I had a future all planned out. There are worse ways to go. He takes a swig, slams the bottle down, and leaps into the fray. BUMPER MUSIC NOTE: “You Really Got Me” continues. INT. CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT THE CIRCLE – or a half-circle, at least. Donna sits at the control panel, headphones on – she’s in Hot Donna mode. She sits to the left of the microphone, and Jackie, also with headphones, sits to the right. A diffuse cloud of smoke fills the control room. A stick of incense, propped in a bowl set under the mic, burns softly. “You Really Got Me” wraps up. Donna flips on the microphone and leads in. DONNA: This is WFPP, and you’re listening to Hot Donna. (plays bacon noise) That was “You Really Got Me” by the Kinks, requested by Jackie Burkhart. Pan across the microphone stand to Jackie, who waves at the microphone as if it were a camera. Pan to Donna. DONNA (cont’d): Jackie, you’ve been here in the studio with us for about four hours now. You got anything you’d like to say to the listeners at home? Pan to Jackie. JACKIE: Yeah, there’s something I don’t get – why would Sally sell seashells by the seashore? That’s a terrible location for a seashell stand! Pan to Donna. DONNA: You know, you’re right. I mean, if she wanted to make money, she would sell seashells by the subway. Pan to Jackie. JACKIE: You know what she should sell by the seashore? Shoeshines. ‘Cause your sandals get so sandy. Pan to Donna. DONNA: Sandy sandals... we should start a girl band called Sandy Sandals. (into mic) That’s right, Point Place – you may have just heard the launch of Hot Donna and the Sandy Sandals. She and Jackie both giggle. But it doesn’t last for Jackie; pan to her, we see her face fall as she blinks away the beginning of tears. Pan to Donna. DONNA (cont’d): Jackie, what’s wrong? Pan to Jackie. JACKIE: Well, sand reminds me of dirt, and dirt reminds me of Steven. She puts a hand over her eyes. Donna’s hand reaches over to rub her back. Pan to Donna. DONNA: For those of you just joining us, Jackie has been requesting songs from the mix tape she made her boyfriend, Steven Hyde, who she’s waiting on a very important answer from. Hyde, if you’re listening, Jackie is down here at the station with me. So if you’re listening – get over here, give her an answer, and get her out of my studio. Jackie’s hand reaches over to shove Donna, but Jackie’s laugh rings out. Donna smiles, laughs, and shoves back. They get into a playful tussle. Cut wide – the Circle is broken. Mr. Randall and Max enter the recording room. Max looks bemused, Mr. Randall horrified. MR. RANDALL: What the hell is going on here? The girls break apart. Max sniffs the air, waves away some of the smoke around his face. MAX: Donna, did you get into the stuff I hid in the Hendrix sleeve? Mr. Randall turns on Max, aghast. MAX (cont’d): I mean – what’s that smell? Mr. Randall clearly doesn’t believe that, but he lets it go, turning on Donna instead. MR. RANDALL: (points to Jackie) Donna, what is this little twerp doing in the recording room? Jackie gasps, jumps to her feet. JACKIE: “Little twerp?” Excuse me? I’m Jackie Burkhart! I’m on TV! That’s twice as good as radio – that’s just science! MR. RANDALL: (to Donna) Get her out of here. DONNA: No! Mr. Randall, Jackie’s my friend. She’s having a hard time right now, and we’re working through it together – live, on-air. It’s a new format for Hot Donna – lovers’ tolls and rock n’ roll. Jackie nods. Max chuckles, but Mr. Randall is not amused. MR. RANDALL: The only format gimmicks I want are the ones we can sell with billboards of blondes in halter tops. Now if you want a long-term career at my station, you’re gonna stick to the regular format. The princess of Munckinland can cry somewhere else. Jackie takes a step back in shock. Max, behind Mr. Randall’s back, gives him a dirty look. Donna looks from Mr. Randall to Jackie, to her microphone and all around the studio. She takes her headphones off, stands, and crosses to Mr. Randall. DONNA: You know what, Mr. Randall? I don’t want a long-term job here. In fact, I don’t want any kind of job here anymore. Mr. Randall frowns, tilts his head; he doesn’t understand. But Max gives Donna an approving nod, and so does Jackie. Donna smiles at them both and races back to the microphone. DONNA (cont’d): You hear that, listeners? This is Hot Donna’s last broadcast on WFPP, thanks to scum-sucking Mr. Randall, who you should feel free to protest. But you can still find me on the student radio at UW, where I’ll be attending this fall with my student teacher boyfriend. He’s pretty scrawny, so if you see any football players coming for him, help him get away. Jackie races over to the microphone. JACKIE: And make sure to tune in to next week’s Jackie on Point Place Public Access! It may be our final show – it all depends on the answer my boyfriend gives me! Ya hear that, Steven! She and Donna grin. Donna puts an arm around Jackie’s shoulders. DONNA: And if that boyfriend says “no,” then Hot Donna and the Sandy Sandals get a van and spend the summer touring America! She flips on the next song – “Lovin’ Touchin’, Squeezin’” by Journey. Mr. Randall throws his hands up and exits, while Max nods approvingly again and crosses to join the girls as they sway to the music. BUMPER MUSIC NOTE: “Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin’” continues. INT. FORMAN GARAGE - NIGHT The garage is in relatively tidy shape. Red’s Toyota rests comfortably in the center, and a large tarp is draped over an indistinguishable shape. Red stands at his work station. His back obscures whatever he’s working on as Kitty enters with a jar of preserves and sees Red. KITTY: What’ve you got there, Red? More of our only son’s favorite toys? What, the dump was too far, so you’re just gonna go at ‘em with a ball pin hammer? Red gives a little jump; he didn’t hear Kitty come in. He turns to face her, still shielding his project. RED: Um... The garage door ratchets up, and Eric enters. His shirt is torn, his eye is black, and his hair is ruffled, but he’s never looked more alive. His parents have never looked more shocked at his appearance, either. Eric relishes in their reaction for a second, then points at Red. ERIC: That’s right, Dad. It’s your son. “Professor Dumbass.” Guess what? I was at a bar. I was in a bar fight. And I WON a bar fight! Yeah, Eric Forman and Steven Hyde got in a bar fight, and I’m the one who saved his ass! With moves I learned from – guess where – Batman, Luke Skywalker, and Hong Kong Phooey! He strikes a karate stance and does a few air chops. Red and Kitty turn in toward each other to share a look. As Red turns, Eric gets a look at what’s on the workbench. ERIC (cont’d): Dad, is that my old G.I. Joe? Red tries to move back in front of the bench, but too late – Kitty pulls the box of Eric’s things from earlier into her arms and goes through it. Except for the Candyland box, everything’s still there. KITTY: Red, these are Eric’s things you had earlier in the day. Are you keeping them with you in your workplace here? Eric takes a step toward Red. ERIC: Dad – you’re gonna miss me, aren’t you? He and Kitty both smile at Red, who looks like a caged squirrel. He squirms as he looks back and forth, from his son to his wife, until he finally straightens up and clears his throat. RED: Yeah, well... (to Eric) If you’re back home more than once a month, I’m throwing all this crap on the grill. He turns back to his workbench. ERIC: (softly) I’m gonna miss you too, Dad. A slight relaxing of the shoulders lets Eric know Red heard him. Kitty steps around Red toward Eric. KITTY: Honey, did you say you saved Steven from a bar fight? ERIC: Sure did, Mom. KITTY: You? Saved Steven? ERIC: Yeah. He’s in the Vista Cruiser, trying to put his shades back together. KITTY: Are you sure? Maybe – maybe you drank so much, you – you got a little turned around. ERIC: Okay, I’m feeling really good about myself, so I’m just gonna leave before anyone says any... not good things, and go find Donna. But first – I may have saved Hyde from the bar, but now I’ve gotta take him to face a fate worse than death – an ultimatum from Jackie. A gasp from under the tarp startles everyone. Fez and Kelso stick their heads out from under it, with matching eager faces. KELSO: You think she’ll kick him in the nads this time? The Formans all glare down at them. RED: What the hell are you two doing in my garage? He rips the tarp away. The Candyland game is set up between Kelso and Fez, with small piles of M&Ms by both boys’ knees. Kelso and Fez look down at the game. They look up at a fuming Red. They scramble to their feet and bolt from the garage. Fez turns around, slides back to the board, gathers up the candy, and flees again. CUT TO: INT. PINCIOTTI LIVING ROOM - NIGHT The girls are home. They share the couch. Jackie, looking much less happy, is curled up on one end with a bowl of popcorn, while Donna sits at the other end. Some instrumental rock plays on the radio. JACKIE: Oh, my God. He’s gonna say “no.” Steven is gonna say “no,” Donna. I know he’s gonna say “no.” DONNA: Jackie, you gave Hyde ‘til the end of the month. He’s still got time, and I’m sure he’ll do the right thing. Marriage is just a big step, and you know Hyde always waits until the last minute to do unpleasant but necessary things. Jackie tosses a handful of popcorn at Donna, who silently laughs and waves it away. Eric enters, head held high. ERIC: (to Donna) Hey there, toots. Donna looks up, sees Eric. She smiles and crosses to him. DONNA: Eric, I have great news! I quit my job! ERIC: Wow! (beat) Why? DONNA: I’m gonna go to UW with you. I’m enrolling in the journalism college and working at the student radio station. We can get an apartment, and we’ll finally be together. ERIC: Donna, that’s so great. He and Donna embrace and kiss. It’s only when they pull apart that Donna notices the state Eric’s in. DONNA: Oh, my God. What happened to you? ERIC: I won a bar fight. DONNA: (beat) Okay, no, really. ERIC: Well, if that’s how you feel, I’ll just go have sex with someone who’ll believe me. He takes a mock step toward the hallway. Donna, grinning, pulls him back. They embrace and kiss again, but Eric pulls back. ERIC (cont’d): One second. He looks around Donna to Jackie. ERIC (cont’d): Hey, Jackie? I got something for you. He gestures to the doorway into the hall; no one is there. Eric steps into the hall, looks around, and then down at something to the left. ERIC (cont’d): Oh, here it is. He bends down and hauls something up. He drags it into the living room – “it” is Hyde, his shades crooked and his lip busted. Hyde finds his footing and shoves Eric away. HYDE: All right, all right! You’ve done enough, Forman. And I could’ve handled that fight myself. I just needed that guy to be shorter. And drunker. Jackie stands. JACKIE: Steven? Hyde looks up; he’s just noticed Jackie is there. HYDE: Hey. An uncomfortable silence settles into the room. Eric and Donna back up to the far wall as Jackie and Hyde meet in the center, a few feet apart. “Tiny Dancer” by Elton John comes on over the radio. HYDE: (beat) So – month’s almost over. JACKIE: Yes. (beat) Do you have something to say? HYDE: Yeah. Do you have a place to live in Chicago yet? A bolt of hurt crosses Jackie’s face. Her eyes turn glassy as she clutches at her chest. Eric shakes his head and Donna looks away. JACKIE: (voice shaking) Yes. HYDE: Good. Jackie bows her head; she’s already started to cry. HYDE (cont’d): Is it in Chicago, or out in the suburbs around Chicago? ‘Cause big cities are full of connections, but if we’re in the suburbs, that might be a problem. I don’t want to have to look too hard or drive too far. Jackie, Eric, and Donna are all speechless. None of them knows exactly where Hyde’s going with this. JACKIE: Steven, what are you saying? HYDE: What, man? I’m saying – forget this ultimatum crap. You wanna go to Chicago? Let’s go to Chicago. Eric and Donna’s jaws drop. Jackie’s does too. She wipes her eyes and reaches a hand out but stops short of touching Hyde. JACKIE: Wait – Steven, are you saying you’d want to come with me? (he shrugs) But – but what about your job? Your future – HYDE: Jackie, before the Formans took me in, the only “future” I saw was hopping between stints in prison and abusing squatter’s rights so I could say I wasn’t technically homeless. I never saw a future. I just took what came along. I still don’t have a plan for the future, except... except you. And, since you do see a future, and it’s in Chicago... I want to be with you. He takes his shades off and tosses them on the couch. With a deep breath, he pulls his eyeball ring off his pinky and holds it out to Jackie, who gasps quietly and takes a step back. HYDE (cont’d): I love you, Jackie. Marry me? Jackie stares at the ring. Eric and Donna lean in, eager for more. Jackie looks up at Hyde’s face. JACKIE: Your eye ring? Her tone is hard to read. Hyde stirs. HYDE: Look, I know it’s not a diamond or anything, but it’s the only ring I got, and – Jackie throws her arms around Hyde’s neck and pulls him into a deep kiss. When it ends, they’re both out of breath. HYDE (cont’d): (beat) So that’s a yes? The tears are back in Jackie’s eyes, but they come with a smile, the brightest smile Jackie’s ever had. JACKIE: Yes. Hyde gives a relieved sigh; he’s smiling too. He slips his ring onto Jackie’s ring finger and takes her hand in his. A glassy look comes to his eyes – something not missed by a beaming Donna and Eric. DONNA: (points at Hyde) Oh, my God. Tears. Tears of joy. ERIC: (sniffs) She really is everything our little orphan boy needed. Hyde and Jackie both give half-laughs, half-sobs. HYDE & JACKIE: Get bent. Even with that sentiment, Hyde opens his arms as Donna and Eric cross to hug him and Jackie in turn. They quietly slip out of the living room as Hyde and Jackie embrace again. Hyde wipes away Jackie’s tears and she plays with the ring. It’s too big for her finger; she doesn’t care. They kiss as the music swells beyond the radio to fill the scene. ELTON JOHN (v.o.): Hold me closer, tiny dancer Count the headlights on the highway Lay me down in sheets of linen You had a busy day today... FADE TO BLACK CREDITS INT. FORMAN GARAGE - NIGHT Fez and Kelso, back at their game. The lights are all out and the tarp is gone; they sit on the ground in the dark, playing by the light of a flashlight Kelso shines down on the board. RED (v.o.): I’m coming into the garage. The boys jump up. Kelso shuts off the light. The screen goes black. We hear frantic footsteps and a loud crash. FEZ (v.o.): Ai! END.

#z's fics #that 70s show #zenmasters #jackie x hyde #zen3to5+#fan fiction #fan script

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