#UW: Just because I like you doesn’t mean I won’t kill you

[spectreofhope]

Met Mass Effect 1 Squad tag dump

Ashley Williams - AW: That’s not a problem is it? That I believe in God?

Garrus Vakarian - GV: There’s no Shepard without Vakarian

Kaidan Alenko - KA: A big gun and a confidant attitude will get you through a lot in life

Jeff “Joker” Moreau - JM: I’m the best damn helmsman in the Alliance fleet

Liara T'Soni - LT: Because I couldn’t let you go

Tali'Zorah vas Normandy - TZ: After time adrift among open stars I will return to where I began

Urdnot Wrex - UW: Just because I like you doesn’t mean I won’t kill you

[emptymasks]

I’ve seen a lot about your thoughts on Elisabeth and Tanz der Vampire, and they’ve been really helpful getting into those musicals! But you have a huge list of other musicals that people can get into…

So I was wondering if you had any musicals you hadn’t mentioned in a while that you really like or would like to talk about??? (preferably something from your lists that has a blue heart please?)

Oh if only you knew how long the list of European musicals really is... I however have only seen 9 (if I counted right) and I have a lot more that I still need to watch. Oh also, I only put the blue hearts on any musicals that I was providing multiple links for so people could see which version I reccoment the most highly. If a musical only had one link and didn't have a blue heart it doesn't mean I didn't like it.

I've watched: Mozart das Musical, Elisabeth das Musical, Tanz der Vampire, 3 Musketiers, Mozart L'Opéra Rock, Dracula (the Graz production), Rebecca das Musical, Roméo et Juliette and Schikaneder.

If you enjoyed those two you're likely to enjoy Rebecca! It's written by the same composer/lyricist team as Elisabeth and Mozart (and same lyricist as Tanz der Vampire - though if you're listening to any German musical, original or translated, 90% of the time the lyrics will have been done by Michael Kunze that man is everywhere). The Stuttgart production has my favourite set design of any musical! Well... Actually probably. There are so many big set pieces it's insane, way more than I've seen in some Broadway and West End musicals. You can tell so much work went into it and the visual effects that I won't spoil if you don't know the plot but if you know the plot you know what I mean by the effects at the end are so good and I didn't expect them at all and I freaked out so much the first time I watched it. Jan Ammann as Maxim in the Stuttgart production is the best Maxim. No I won't take any argument. Other actors feel a bit one-dimensional to me, but the way Maxim acts at times comes from trauma and some actors and productions seem to forget that, but Jan really goes for it and his Maxim is a lot more sympathetic and I just want to give him a hug. Pia Douwes as Mrs Danvers, if you've seen her in Elisabeth what more do I need to say, she's amazing. A musical goddess. Her Danny is a bit more wild than some, but she kills it. My favourite video, which I put the blue heart next to, has understudy Christina Patten as Ich/I, but I adore her she's my favourite. She adds some spunk to Ich in act 2 and her voice is so pretty and aaaa. I just love these three actors together in these roles.

Roméo et Juliette is another favourite of mine! It's hard to choose which one to recommend, but it has to be the original 2000/2001 production because of the sweetness and chemistry and voices of Damien Sargue and Cecilia Cara as Romeo and Juliet. They're so pretty and work together so well. The only reason I say it's hard to pick is Mercutio. I adore him, but in the original production they cut out a song they had planned for him and he doesn't really do much at all? In the 2010 revival they gave him two more songs and you care about him so much more and John Eyzen plays such a good Mercutio. So I'd recommend the original but if you want to like Mercutio more, which you should he's amazing, I'd recommend watching at least clips of John's. It's an interesting musical because all productions are non-replica and also change around the order of songs, add or take away characters, all sorts. The Hungarian production is also very popular and I'm sure it's great, I just haven't' gotten around to watching it yet.

Mozart das Musical was the first non-English language musicals I watched so I have a fondness for it, but it's not my favourite. However, I do realise I have forgotten most of the songs and the few I've gone back and listened to are better than I remember.

Dracula isn't super popular and I understand why, I don't love the plot of the Dracula/Mina romance in it, however. I do love this musical because despite how I find the plot lacking, the songs are so good! At least, I love them. And the actors are all doing a great job. And it's one of the few Dracula adaptions to keep Quincy Morris so they get bonus points for that.

Mozart L'Opéra Rock and modern French musicals... This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but they're often more like pop-rock operas now. So if you're not into musicals with that style of music it might not be for you, but I still enjoyed it even though I didn't think I would because of the style of music. Mozart and Salieri's chemistry is very good, Salieri's bisexual crisis song is iconic, actually all of Salieri's songs are iconic.

Schikaneder... eh. I didn't like it that much and I didn't really like any of the songs. There's no English subtitles, but someone sent me the entire English synopsis and I watched it with a German friend so I had double the help of understanding it. Doesn't mean others might not like it, just none of the songs stood out to me and I had no desire to listen to any of them again. It's by Steven Scharwz of Wicked fame and I love Wicked, but I didn't love this.

3 Musketiers!! God it's so underrated and not spoken about within the European musical fandom that I even forget about it and literally forgot to write about it earlier in this post. It's a Dutch musical (though did also have a German production) and it's really good!? Faces you might know are Pia Douwes as Milady de Winter, Stanley Burlseon as Cardinal Richeliu (Netherlands Der Tod in Elisabeth), Henk Poort as Athos (Netherlands Phantom and Jean Valjean). The dialgoue is funny, the songs are good, some of the set pieces have no right to exist in this tiny musical?? They made this giant boat and pelt the actors with rain just for one 5 minute song and then we never see the boat again? And while I recommend the Dutch one because Dutch musicals deserve more love and it has official English subtitles!! Official ones, not fanmade! I have the DVD and it comes with English subtitles (and Dutch and German subtitles) which is so nice. The German version is also good, good cast, Pia came back and Uwe Kroger as Richeliu and omg they rearranged the songs and the German arrangement of Nicht Aus Stein is insane and amazing and frankly iconic.

That's all of the ones I have watched. Next on my list to watch are Rudolf and Notre Dame de Paris, both of which I have listened to some songs from and already love (I've listened to way too much of Notre Dame de Paris and am so in love).

I want to start organising streams where I'll host the musical either by getting the video from Youtube or my own files and anyone who wants to join can come along and watch with us, chat with us if you want or just watch there's no pressure to chat. I thought about doing weekly streams? This would also make me finally watch some of the ones I've been meaning to for ages. But I keep wondering about time zones. I'm in the UK and would want to stream at about 11pm at the latest (11pm BST/GMT+1 as we’re in daylight savings at the moment, if the streams continue past the end of October which would be wild then I’ll make a note of the time change that would be to 11pm GMT), which I know can work for other UK and Europeans, but for any Americans would be in the afternoon. So, I wondered if doing it on a weekend would be better? Then it doesn't matter if it's in the afternoon? Maybe Saturday evenings then? It would either be Saturday evenings UK time or Friday evenings UK time. What do you guys think? If people are down then I'll make a separate post with a list of what we'll be watching each week and if anything happens to me that means I can't stream one week then everything will just get pushed back a week, but I don't see that as likely to happen. And I'll only be streaming those that have English subtitles, so don't worry about not being able to understand anything.

edit: am also open to 10pm bst if others want that, im just trying to think of what time works best for everyone so sorry if 11pm is a little late for europeans, i know 10pm could be a little early for americans. also in case it sounded like these are the only musicals i will be streaming, thats not so, ive got more than just the ones mentioned on this list!

(Tagging some people who I know are or might be interested in streams to see what you think of that plan: @sirona-art @ringwraith100 @tanz-der-trash @smilingwoland @the-weird-dane @witchgaye @ami-fidele @kisstheghouls @looking-4-happiness @ladysapphire928 @sloanedestler @tinywound @persephonaae @phoenixdewinter @uwucoffee @freshbloodandgothicism )

[allthatwehear]

it’s time for another blog post

Grief this season has been like,

laying on my floor and time is passing - I often don’t know how much time, but after a little while I become self-conscious of what I’m doing/the nothingness I’m doing, and I get angry at myself and wonder if anyone else just lays on their floor & wastes time.

(I talked to my sister the other day & told her that I watch the clouds pass, and she said she did it too -- “wait you do that too??”)

it’s been like, listening to a lot of music at night because it’s loud outside my house (actually quite noisy neighbors) and they irritate me & I lose my patience. and the music helps bring me to a different state of mind, because i need to stop ruminating on certain things/be brought to a new headspace. it’s been me dodging rooms when people walk in. physically gathering my things & looking like some antisocial jerk & running to my room, closing the door when I’m having phonecalls, even getting pissy with unexpected visits & when people take up my space. 

it’s been like, when people are speaking to me, i find I’ve been dissociating (don’t normally do this) and I’m nod my head routinely “yeah” so they think that i am listening, but truthfully my head is so full of strain & mush that not a lot is getting through. I can’t take a whole lot of information at once, and I can only take so much information about you, unfortunately. if people are just talking at me, and not with me, I am having a hard time.

even time itself, is a freakin’ blur - i had a close friend admit to me the other day, that they were sad i hadn’t visited their house (outside of school) during the three plus years I’d known them. & how on earth was I supposed to describe that for me, time is such a blur and I lost track of how much actually went by, and always intended to visit but I didn’t have the thoughts to make it happen? time is such a blur... and motivation. augh that motivation is a bitch.

it’s been drastically dropping people, communication-wise; people who I was previously making a set-goal to see on a regular basis (usual girl-dates), to new friendships I was fostering & then suddenly I disappear - though they are great people and great for me. I spoke to a close one of these people, on the phone (unheard of for me), and he so kindly asked what I needed of him. It all sort of rushed out, but I ended up explaining that I needed people not to be offended with me if I disappear for weeks sometimes, or just can’t answer that right now, or am able to talk on the phone one week but am not feeling up to it the next. if i have periods where I don’t want to go out. that legitimately, my needs and what I feel I can handle changes from minute to minute, sometimes. I had the strength & motivation to call my own sister & that took a lot, & when she didn’t pick up, I wasn’t ready to talk when she called back. I explained that I just sort of have to do things at whatever pace it comes at, but a lot of people will take that offensively or that I don’t love them -- and I totally get it. because who wants a friend who is so unreliable? who is there one moment, but gone the next? well unfortunately - that is just who I am at the moment. & he told me he’d never be upset for those tumultuous, unpredictable needs. and I said, “that’s what I need”. 

grief has been someone asking me if I’m going to look for jobs, since I just recently discovered I lost mine (that I intended to return to this month), and me thinking right back that I don’t even know what I’m going to do to get through the next day -- or going to do the next few hours. I’ve let go, currently, of quite a few things I was working really hard for: a cool leadership position at a young adult youth group I got, the youth group itself, my faith, itself... 

sometimes I feel like I’m going to melt through the floor. I feel my body & its weight and I think I’ll just sink; i’ll just sink. with every normal expectation people ask of me -- the “what did you do today’s?” and “what’re your summer plans?” to “what jobs do you want?”. they don’t realize that I crawl to bed at the sound, the overwhelm of those things. that they are asking almost impossible tasks of me, as I mourn the death of my second sibling, and their upcoming birthday (the 23rd, mind you). what I crave is something strange - but it’s actually a person to hold me, like, spoon me like a baby, because psychologically I feel like nothing can get me in that place and their body is essentially a “shield” from all evil -- or they’re “squeezing” all the “bad” out of me and replacing it with safety. because in my grieving head, I am 22 years-old, and that means I may have 60+ more years of traumatic, life-altering, heartbreaking, shattering events & sometimes I don’t know how to not let that just crumble & kill me inside. that I have all these years left - open, vulnerable, to be hit with suffering. 

grief, is unexplainable, though I like to try. I like to try because I want it to be understandable. because if people don’t understand grief they won’t understand how to support those grieving; because, inevitably, we’re all going to grieve something, it’s going to happen to all of us. 

I heard something -- to go back to time -- about grief the other day. it was by Dr. Zoe Donaldson, and she spoke in this profound TedTalk that I had to share with my mom, to my sister, to my instagram. “Hear this”, I thought. She said, so truthfully, “We have a tendency to talk about grief in terms of time. We say things like “time heals all wounds”, or “they are just moving through the stages of grief”, but I think this fails to give credit where credit is due. And that’s because time isn’t doing anything. Time is passing; and while it’s passing, your brain is working really hard to heal itself.”

“You brain has to take all of the moments of joy from that [lost] relationship --- everything that was good about it -- and it has to separate it just enough from the pain of the loss until you can get to the point of describing it as bittersweet. And this is crucial. You need to do this to move on, and reengage with a meaningful life.” 

“Despite the fact that we tend to conflate grief and depression, they’re actually different things. If you give someone who is grieving antidepressants, it won’t do anything to alleviate the core symptoms of grief. When we talk about those core symptoms of grief, we use terms that talk about the heart. We talk about a broken heart, a hole in our heart, words that give us a sense of yearning for that individual. And yearning, quite frankly, is not part of depression.” 

Yearning. Time passing. All of this struck such an intimate cord in my heart - because this was true. We are yearning for those people, that person. I yearn for the dimple on Caroline’s cheek and to watch Miyazaki with her while she doodles on the whiteboard perched on her lap. I yearn to hold Juge’s hands again, in the hospital room, and listen to that chipper, rising-high-pitched laugh of theirs to well-up the room.

Time passing. All I want, some days, is for this obnoxious life to be over with. For the time to pass -- because sometimes I actually want it to go away. Other days the desire for time to pass is for the deep, gut-wrenching emotions to pass - I utter “just get through another day”. In a sense we’re waiting for the “grief” to pass - though it won’t, but maybe it’s a hope.

ENDING????????

Do I include the job part??

here is a big grief thing I am experiencing, as a slight side-note, but I think significant to what’s going on in my life. significant to mention, because it was significant/heartbreaking enough, to me. I lost my job that was really important to me. I went through heartbreak while I was there. I persevered & pushed the management until I was a busser/server’s assistant, a job ordinarily readily offered to men - yet I had to jump through two interviews with two manager’s & demand pants. I went through the death of my second sibling there, & received an outpouring of love. I met some UW basketball celebrities & pushed myself til the point of almost crying in the back multiple times. I ate some really good desserts. And I made some very sweet, very humorous friends. and it became quickly like a family, a fish family, and I lost a little fish family of mine. I won’t forget the sunsets glistening in the water when I worked in the summer evenings, or the sports shows on as i swept the bar-floors riddled with fish n’ chips. it was a place I felt so comfortable in, after so much discomfort, & to have it ripped has been gruesome. a thing with grief is, once you have become accustomed & happy in a place, those places suddenly mean a whole lot more then usual. they mean that you don’t have to be thrown off with surprises; you know the ins & outs, they are yours now & you can breathe easy. well I lost one of those places. and I am upset and grief-ridden in another way. 

so friends - don’t forget, grieving doesn’t always occur after you’ve lost a physical being. it can also happen when you’ve lost that space where you perched outside your window in the apartment room with your morning coffee; your favorite first house after college, the tastes of a beloved restaurant, moving away from a family home, a pet’s caress, and more. don’t forget the “little” big things. and remember you can essentially grieve for it all - because inevitably change is a part of life, thus grieving those changes should be a part of life, too. 

I hope you give yourself space to remember the people/places/things you love, & talk about them constantly with your beloveds so they never go away from memory. I’d love to hear about them sometime. tell me about what you’ve lost - and recount the love/memories you gained before they were gone. 

END??

Draft

Grief has been like -- 

sometimes i am laying on my floor for actual hours, and I can’t do much more but watch the clouds pass. And i get angry at myself for doing that/feeling that, and I wonder if anyone else just lays on their floor & wastes time.

it’s been like -

putting headphones in at night because I need a different noise to lull me into a different state of mind. it’s been messages from people I was once making a firm habit to be talking to - or meet - & staring as their needs pile up & I quickly lose my will to continue connecting. because there come too many messages. and i get overwhelmed, and i just shut down.

even phone calls to my sister in Colorado - have narrowed & grown seldom. however for this, Maddie validates me by admitting “it’s a terrible month Sarah, and i kind of just had to cut off for a bit”. these words i understand like breath in my lungs.

it’s been people asking me if i’m looking for jobs and me even wondering what I can do to get through the next day - or the next few hours; what’s going to benefit me enough to bring me some sort of rest. it’s been letting go of several feats I conquered, interviews i had, and a church position I was in the past, proud to attain.

now it’s me letting go of the church, and sometimes meditating, or learning sanskrit. it’s been me /not/ doing things. not. doing. anything. it feels like any day now i’m going to melt through the floor.

sometimes I feel like a solid wall that nothing will get through. sometimes all, actually, constantly, all I crave is a human body behind me holding, tightly. to squeeze all the past & future attacks right out of me. deflect them. because i fear the other 60+ years of life i have still to live, because that just means 60+ possible more years of horror and hurt. and yes, i suppose that could be a form of ptsd. 60+ years of pain I may experience as a young 22 year old.

Fleetwood Mac speaks to me. my language has gotten coarser. and I’m starting to fear that the people who knew me back then, surrounded in school, won’t recognize me/will give me backlash for the changes that are happening inside.

[sneakyhomunculous]

RPT Phoenix Report: Back to Back!

Part 1: Preparation 

“How should I begin this? I’m just so offended; how am I even mentioned by all these fucking beginners?” 

Let’s back up a bit. 

I’m coming into this half season fresh off a 5th place finish in the last MC, which means I’m qualified for RPT1/2 and PTFinal 1. 

From what I could make of the shoddy convoluted details at the beginning of this year; I believed I had a serious upper hand in the Rivals race. 

Only 4 tournaments count. The 3 I am qualified for and the 2nd PT final which I’ll have multiple chances to que for as well. 

Almost everyone else has at most 1 RPT Q and a pipe dream. 

With this info, I decide I am going to go for it. I know I am still an underdog, but I believe I am one of the few people in the world in this spot to somewhat reasonably set this goal of top 12 paper rivals for myself. 

At the same time, the world we live in is an Arena dominated one. 

I hate it of course. 

Like most of you reading this; I play the game for mostly 1 big reason [the fierce competition]. Arena is severely lacking in this department.

Only standard, a mindless ladder with the only reward being a single lottery ticket into a ~15k USD 0.5% equity drawing. (that requires you to play standard for 8 hours on a saturday there will assuredly be a GP you want to play.) 

A petty, infuriating chore. 

Bc standard is so chalked and flooded with players anyway; You are forced to play casual [but ranked] drafts against the bots.  

Slamming BO1 games with 15 land decks until your eyes bleed and the mythic achievement is reached! 

Then you close the unbearable program down not to be touched again until the next time this chore is required; or the lottery drawing is happening.

Nice system! 

All that being said, I’m still not going to handicap myself, and so I decide I will go for Arena as well. 

Unfortunately I have no early advantage there, and the spots are obviously unbelievably high variance. 

There are only 2 Invys and 2 Mythic point challenges, and if you miss the first invy you are almost drawing dead at a 1-12 spot. Especially with special invites and re-ques for top finishers all factored in. 

So far I am failing on the Arena front. 

I was too attached to my beautiful Urza Oko deck (I didn’t prepare enough for the first MCQW I would be double queing along side the modern GP in Austin. It cost me as I woke up and played poorly to a swift 2-2 exit with Jetski Fires before heading over to the GP) 

I lost a win and in and got 17th there. Never have I played a tournament with a bigger edge over all non mirrors in the field! Unfortunately I played 7 mirrors and managed a lowly 4-2-1 in them. 

I can’t make it through these gauntlets on autopilot anymore. 

I’m only 27, but my seemingly rapid reduction in processing speed has made me feel like I’m somehow getting too old for this grind.  

The way I have dealt with it? 

Accepting it. 

As much as I hate to admit it; I am not the same 17 year old wunderkind anymore and the young guns have a big edge on me. 

I have to take all the necessary steps to take care of myself and do everything in my power to make sure when I’m in the trenches; inside the matches in the important tournaments; I can be as focused on the games as possible. This is just so I can make the playing field close to level. 

Otherwise I am going to be reading cards, and playing slow unconfident magic. 

This is a big one; I believe. 

I think one thing a lot of players are lacking in pushing themselves to higher levels is the confidence in their decisions. I used to struggle with this a lot (still do sometimes) and I would constantly second guess things multiple times every turn. 

Over time, I’ve learned that if you put in the work... 

You practice; 

Play actual games and learn the interactions; 

You can really lean on your instincts and exude confidence in yourself that goes a long way in winning matches of Magic the Gathering. 

(Look at almost all of the best players. They are confident in their decisions in the games, even when they end up making mistakes.) 

But enough with the nonsense; let’s get to the tournament prep so we can blaze through that boring shit and get to the sweet 16 PT rounds 

(spoilers: there may be more than 16) 

Collin Rountree is torn between testing with Me Ty Will and the Houston Slack, and testing with team 5% captained by Allen “The Process” Wu. 

Of course the choice is obvious, but Collin doesn’t want to leave all the local bangers in the dust. 

He lobbies on our behalf, and Me Ty Will and Eddie all join team 5%. 

I am not a stranger to large testing teams. 

I spent four PTs testing with team TCG/SCG and we averaged around 15 people. The difference was that we always met up in person a week or more ahead of time for an intense testing period, and also I guess we had more dueling personalities.

Shoutout to everyone on those squads those were great times. 

But when you have Steve Rubin Seth Manfield Corey Burkhart Andrea Mengucii mixed with Brad BBD Martell Kibler mixed with Me Fennell GerryT Josh Cho mixed with Ari Lax trying to organize everything for everyone..... 

Anyone who knows these people can see how this led to some logistics issues and some heated arguments about who is not pulling their weight, or who is just showing up late and mooching, or who keeps brewing decks with no mana bases and sideboards and bringing them to Brad telling them they are great and we have to play games with them (another shoutout to Fennell, hope he reads this and fires up a modo draft tonight. And shoutout to Brad for creating the no 75, no games rule. You can’t fucking say you made a deck if you don’t have a manabase or a sideboard, and some brewers out there may need to hear that again.) 

Team 5% (7.1673746%) is all online testing. 

We use a discord with dedicated channels to all the constructed decks, all the limited topics, logistics, and chalkdiesel/washed bad beat/rant rooms/RIP Rimrock Knight etc. etc. so you can see how it stays pretty clean, organized, and simple. 

But no really, having so many people gives us an edge on many fronts. 

There is usually always someone available to battle. We can cover a lot of ground really quickly. Multiple people are brewing and many people are tuning the known decks. Lots of different opinions and we end up covering all the limited archetypes quickly as the drafts pile in. 

All of this being said, my best two PT results from the past are when I worked alone. 

I usually draft infinite (75-100) times (when I lose I drop and draft again. And sometimes I drop when winning just to draft again) and I just try to play the best deck in constructed. 

This I have learned is a recipe for success for me. 

But I was happy to join this team. My intention was to just do the same thing, but have some people to talk to while I drafted 75-100 times and tuned the best deck. 

I worked with a few of these players back in the TCG days (shoutout to Ari and Corey, and again to Corey for winning the PT let’s gooooooo) and everyone that I heard was currently on this 5% team; I liked. 

So for my testing I did almost purely magic online. 

I did around 60 drafts after all was said and done. In constructed, I played a ton of UW control and small amounts of all the other stock decks, and watched a lot of streams. 

I wanted to be familiar with the format but not go too hard until the days leading up to; during; and right after the first 2 RPTs. 

What a weird dynamic, having 2 pro tours 5 days before deck submission for your pro tour. 

It really worked out in our favor because our team is so big and we were able to quickly attack the new and perceived future metagame. 

Nothing at those two tournaments made me waiver from wanting to register UW control. 

I was still beating everything, and I predicted the metagame would be 20%ish UB invertor and then spirits, red, black, and sultai delerium/invertor uro decks would be all around 10%. 

When I say I was beating everything, I was beating everything. 

Granted these were in leagues, but it was mostly all against real decks and my constructed rating was skyrocketing above my limited. 

Not a thing I am accustomed to. 

I had a 17-1 record against mono red, and no cap. I had a 12-2 record against mono black. I had a 8-1 record against UB invertor. 

I crushed Collin so badly with our teams current front running mono white devotion that he decided to add 4 Gideon Ally of Zendikar to the maindeck and try again. 

A 4-0 for me later in which he resolved 5 Gideons led to him telling the discord he is off it. ���Bursavich just beat me every single game and I resolved gideon in all of them.” 

The only deck I ever lost matches to was spirits but I still won more than I lost against it. 

Around Monday our team was all piling on to the breach deck realizing how good it was, and I joined in to. 

I played a prelim and a league and immediately bought all of the cards from cardkingdom. But after my next few matches I was feeling very conflicted. 

I was very worried how bad UW was against breach, but I didn’t think breach would break 7-8% or the metagame anyway. And I can tweak UW some to have a shot I tell myself. 

The breach deck is obviously busted, but it’s a combo deck with a weird puzzle-like 3 step combo. 

First you have to get 2 lands into play and then play lotus field, then u have to play a thespians stage and copy it, and then u have to kill your opponent with ur huge amounts of mana. 

But the deck is so consistent and sort of resilient that I found myself trying to play it like a midrange deck. 

I have these faes and grazers and pores and viziers, I can block! And Fae for planeswalkers and grind people out or take all these weird dynamic lines... and then I realized I was fucking up a lot. 

The games are not always intuitive to me, and I won’t be able to live with myself if I register this and play horribly to lose games I should win, considering there will likely be some number of games my deck fails and I can’t win (or my opponent is prepared with damping sphere or one of the other 1-2 cards that do anything at all to stop this abomination of a deck) 

So a few hours after ordering the breach cards I am going to bed Monday night and I know I’m going to play UW control... 

Shoutout to the squad though! 

They really crushed it over these few days and perfected the breach list and had all the matchups figured out down to the T. 

Our limited meetings were great and I believe they really helped everyone a lot and we had an overall great showing in limited. 

I spend all day Tuesday and Wednesday with magic online open and the discord on my other monitor. 

I occasionally jam some games with teammates but for many many hours I just stare at my UW decklist while catching up on the latest breach tech. 

I just stare at the deck..... 

For hours

I went to get lunch and came back and stared some more. 

It was perfect and there was just nothing to cut. 

I wanted another hard counter in my deck but could not find the space. 

I have been moving 1 card around here and there, swapping 3rd field of ruin for the 4th Glacial, swapping back, then swapping back again. going down to 1 absorb and back to the 2/2 split back to 1. Moving around seal away D sphere narset lantern thassas intervention Mystical Dispute elspeth etc. etc. but mostly keeping the same core 73-75 cards the same. 

With a few hours left in submission and all the data pouring in, we realize that LSV Huey and a large swath of great players have all been spotted in leagues today playing breach. 

I am suddenly panicked bc the matchup is still quite bad. 

I have a few good cards, but nothing to swing it past like a 33% matchup at best.

I know damping sphere is my only real option if I want to respect it, and I’m of the mindset that doing so is normally a bit silly. 

While the deck is obviously busted, it’s been 5 days and many players are uncomfortable playing decks of this style. 

My general guess is that it breaking 6-7% of the field will still be unlikely, and I think it pushing above 10% would be crazy. 

So I can expect to play vs it once on average?? 

Not so fast. 

This is a new RPT with a wide open field, but still a lot of goats at the top. 

Turns out you almost always have to defeat multiple goats to get the trophy in PT’s... 

And I didn’t fly to Phoenix just to have a good ole time and settle for 6th place, so I man up and delete 2 Monastery Mentor for 2 Damping Sphere. 

This will hurt me in mirrors and vs Invertor, but I am confident I will be fine anyway. 

With 10 minutes left in submission I consider adding a 3rd sphere but am too lazy to open back up my laptop and know I won’t be able to cut any of the beautiful cards in my sideboard for it anyway. 

Enough with the boring shit; let’s get to the tournament!!! 

Part2 coming tomorrow!

[beardfulstrix]

Monogamy is wood, not cardboard

If you read blog post #1, then you’ll know that what attracted me to Modern is the ability to play whatever I like.  In a reasonably small time-frame I became known at my LGS as the guy that doesn’t play the same deck twice.  I mean, that wasn’t wholly true - otherwise I couldn’t also be ‘the guy who plays Tron!’

But I have to admit, I did love the brewing process.  And rocking up - not necessarily with out-and-out jank, but with ‘my’ version of a certain archetype -became the thing I did.

One week I’d be on Big G-Tron.  Next it would be Eldrazi & Taxes.  Then Jeskai-Saheeli-control. Maybe Orzhov control (think Solemnity, Phyrexian Unlife, Lingering Souls and a lot of Gideons). I tried UW control`, Eldrazi-Tron.  I built the ‘Sigarda’s Aid’ / ‘Colossus Hammer’ combo deck and managed to Turn 2 kill a couple of people. I built a RG Eldrazi deck after Grzegorz Kowalski won GP Lyon with it.  How do you put Noble Hierarch, Birds of Paradise, Lightning Bolt AND Reality Smasher in the same deck and NOT win?

I was having lots of fun.  But I wasn’t winning much.

Part of that was due to the inconsistency in my decks.  I’d be playing a ‘version’ of the archetype, but if the ‘real’ deck had a card I didn’t like, I wouldn’t run it.  Or if there was a card that fit in the deck that I liked, I’d play that over something ‘stock’ and lose percentage points as a result. But the key reason for my lack of success was that I was making too many mis-plays.  Often they were out-and-out wrong plays, where I took the wrong line.  Other times, it would be a mis-play in not understanding the match-up properly ... because I hadn’t had enough reps with the deck to understand what I needed to draw to in certain circumstances.  When to hold certain removal for a better target.  When to use my life total as a resource to get me to the mid-late game etc.

Plus I’ve seen enough coverage on Twitch now to know the truth of the phrase, “in Modern, you get rewarded for knowing your deck”.

So, now I feel like my attitude has matured a little.  I’ve had my ‘adolescent’ fun - taking out a new deck every week.  If I want to be fulfilled, it’s probably time to think about settling down.  And whilst that’s unlikely to mean full-on commitment, with 100% fidelity to one deck or archetype, it will mean I’ll focus in on a couple of decks that I think will have some range in the current meta - and that retain enough creativity - either in flex-spots available, or play style - to ensure I don’t get too bored too quickly.

I think I’ve got a shortlist of 3.  Which for me is pretty good.  Keeping some variety means that the others at my LGS won’t always be able to anticipate how to sideboard for me.  And learning more than one deck will hopefully give me some flexibility to ride the ebbs and flows of the meta as new cards come into the format - and others leave.  So long OKO - you burned bright...but you were an absolute tool!

Tune in next time to see which decks I’m settling in on - and just how bad those choices are!

Beardful Strix

[auburnfamilynews]

Joe Maiorana-USA TODAY Sports

What do we really know about non-Auburn football?

We’re already a third of the way through the regular season, and soon it’ll be slipping into November (and the weather will still be hot). Which among us will also be hot? Who knows!

***IF YOU’D LIKE TO ADD YOUR OWN PICKS, COMMENT BELOW WITH YOUR SCORE PREDICTIONS FOR EACH GAME AND RYAN STERRITT WILL TRACK THEM***

Notre Dame (-13) vs Virginia (O/U 48)

Notre Dame is going to take out some frustration on a good(?) Virginia team, but I’m not sure that necessarily means an offensive explosion. Virginia’s offense is baddddd though, so this may be more of a “smother you with a pillow” style win for the Irish. 27-7 Domers. - Ryan Sterritt

Virginia never deserves success in anything ever again, including against Notre Dame, who I think may have won a moral victory last weekend by possibly exposing a coach in Athens who might just have an issue or two with executing at a high level in big games. Notre Dame 27 Virginia 21 - Josh Black

Well Notre Dame, you ALMOST made me look like a genius last week. The Irish come home and face an undefeated Virginia team. The Cavaliers have narrow wins over the likes of Florida State and Old Dominion as they head to South Bend. I think the Irish will bounce back at home Saturday. Notre Dame 28 Virginia 20 - Will McLaughlin

Notre Dame now has something to prove to the world. I don’t think they’ll take the foot off the gas in this one, or any of their remaining games. They need to put themselves back in the conversation. Notre Dame 38, Virginia 14 - Josh Dub

If Notre Dame wins, maybe jack won’t make us pick any more of their stupid games im not going to watch. Our Lady of Embarrassing Irish Losses, pray for us. Hoos 21 Irish 20. - Son of Crow

Notre Dame played MUCH better than I was expecting and I think are a legitimate top 10 team. But how funny would it be if after that big time matchup where UGA had to begrudgingly admit that maybe ND wasn’t such a pushover if they then got beat by UVA? But UVA doesn’t deserve nice things due to their phony bball title. The Fighting Irish bounce back big. ND 35 UVA 17 - AU Nerd

The Golden Domers showed me something last week. They kept it close against Georgia...that is pretty much it. What I got on offense, I expected, but the defense really impressed me. Either that or Georgia had and off night. The Hoos on the other hand have beaten FSU...so they beat a JV squad. I am pretty sure ND will win but that’s a large cover against a good? team on the road. Virginia and the points and the under. ND 23-14 - Drew Mac

Notre Dame had a solid gameplan against Georgia’s offense, but they couldn’t get anything consistent on offense except for going to their TE. I think UVa got caught eating a LetDown Lookahead sandwich last week against Old Dominion. ND does enough to win at home, but I think UVA keeps it close. Irish 24, School for which Ty Jerome double dribbled 17 (ND wins, UVA covers, UNDER) - James Jones

I know there’s nothing connecting the two, but I really hope that Kyle Guy and his long gums/tiny teeth get to enjoy an epic whipping at the hands of Notre Dame. He apparently writes for the UVA SB Nation site, so write about this one, and tell your double dribble buddy Ty Jerome all about it. Irish 35, Cavaliers 10 - Jack Condon

Washington (-9.5) vs USC (O/U 59)

Washington is a lot better team than they’re going to get credit for after that dumb Cal loss, and despite beating Utah last week, I can’t get on board with the third string quarterback leading the Trojans to another win over a ranked team on the road. It’ll be up to the USC ground game to take advantage of a weaker-than-usual Washington defensive line, but I’m going to take the Huskies here. 30-20 UW. - Ryan Sterritt

Jacob Eason wanted a more refined version of a dog. One who wasn’t bred down to sitting on top of ice as “work”. No he realized he needed to associate himself with a breed that was tough, graceful, and reliable. Shoutout to Jacob Eason, for without him, Georgia may never have gotten their hopes up only to be ripped out against Tennessee in 2016. Without him transferring, maybe Justin Fields doesn’t come to Georgia. Without Justin Fields coming to Georgia, maybe Kirby decides to recruit another star quarterback before and during the 2018 season. And because of neglecting to do so, because you know, Justin Fields is a generational talent, Georgia now has no backup quarterback if Jake Fromm were to catch a horrible case of diarrhea. Also Washington is much better than USC and should win this game. Washington 38 USC 28 - Josh Black

Both of these teams played in Provo against BYU the last 2 weekends. The Huskies rolled while the Trojans lost in Overtime. I think Washington would be undefeated if it weren’t the bizarreness of Pac-12 WAYYYYY After Dark against Cal. I like the Huskies in this one. Washington 31 USC 23 - Will McLaughlin

The PAC-12 is a mystery. Chris Peterson is reliable, though. Well, more reliable than anyone else over there. Washington 42, USC 21 - Josh Dub

Guys I think USC might have it figured out, or at least well enough for the lousy pac 12. That said, Washington is looking better than the Trojans by a wide margin and the dream of Dwag transfers making the playoffs without the Dwags hinges on this game. Washington 35 SC 24 - Son of Crow

It would be a very on brand thing for the PAC-12 if USC were to win this game. They’ve performed better than anyone thought especially given injuries at QB position. But the Huskies first loss came under some wild circumstances so unless the Trojans can get some weather delays I think Eason and company get it done. Huskies 31 Trojans 23 - AU Nerd

Now this is an interesting matchup, and sadly it won’t be on Pac-12 After Dark. Both teams are 3-1 and coming off of nice road wins last week. USC is much better than people want to give them credit for while Washington always seems to have one or two ‘huh’ losses in them. They already got one out of the way a few weeks back to Cal and they play Stanford next week on Pac-12 After Dark. There’s your other loss so they win this one but won’t cover. USC and the points, take the under. Washington 27-21 - Drew Mac

Graham Harrell deserves a lot of credit for keeping the offensive game plan the same with Fink after Slovis went down. What I don’t like is a QB that made some really poor decisions in the second half making his first road start. Washington will be ready for this one. I think you almost have to throw the Cal game completely out for betting purposes. There were so many obstacles in that game that I’m not taking it into account. I think Eason is coming into his own. I may have to create a vested interest in this one. Washington 38, USC 17 (UW covers, UNDER) - James Jones

It’s fun when national powers turn back into pedestrian clubs. People would have killed to see USC end up as a struggling mid-level program a decade ago, and most never thought the Trojans would fall to that point. People now think that Bama won’t ever drop to mediocrity again. It’ll happen. USC, however, is on the way back up, and I don’t have anything to base this on except that I don’t really think Washington is all that tough. Trojans 33, Washington 30 - Jack Condon

Nebraska vs Ohio State (-17.5) (O/U 66.5)

Let’s see... Nebraska struggled with USA, lost to Colorado, and barely beat Illinois despite nearly doubling them up in yards. Meanwhile, Ohio State has been murdering bad teams by an average of 54-9. Nebraska will be the best team the Buckeyes will have faced, and it *might* be the first time the starters play the fourth quarter. Buckeyes 48-20. - Ryan Sterritt

Justin Fields just wanted to be at a program that’s won a national title in the past 38 years. Shoutout to Justin Fields. No shame in wanting to be involved with a winner who knows how to finish. You know what’s impressed me most about Ohio State? They’ve managed to find ways to use Justin Fields to their advantage beyond fake punts. I mean, that’s really hard to do. Finding a role for a guy who was considered neck and neck with Trevor Lawrence for the best HS QB in a decade by doing more than running out with the punt team is really a testament to the creativity of the Ohio State coaching staff. Ohio State 48 Nebraska 17 - Josh Black

All you need to know about how bleh this weekend of games is that College Gameday picked THIS game to go to this week. Buckeyes roll. Ohio State 48 Nebraska 14 - Will McLaughlin

Ohio State cruises towards a big October 26 matchup against Wisconsin. (related – the gameday slate of Ohio State/Wisconsin at 11 AM followed by Auburn/LSU at 2:30 may have some serious playoff implications). Ohio State 52, Nebraska 17 - Josh Dub

I don’t think Ohio state feels a speed bump during this game. The Buckeye offense is dynamic and Justin Fields is a generational talent who was called racial slurs by Georgia fans. While he was on their team. Because Georgia. During this game look for there to be more shots of Scott Frost looking completely lost than shots of Nebraska celebrating first downs. Bucks 48 N 20 - Son of Crow

You know who I think is the scariest team in the country right now? It’s not Dabo’s Tigers, it’s not Ed O’s Tigers, it’s not Saban’s high flying offense, it’s not UGA’s boring ass team & it’s not Hurts’ led Oklahoma. It’s the Buckeyes of Ohio State. Justin Fields was a legitimate challenger for the top spot in the same class as Trevor Lawrence. The fact he decided to go to UGA is still one of the more bizarre decisions I’ve seen but now he’s at a program that will make full use of his skillset. This team also has a ferocious defense lead by arguably the best pass rusher in the country. They are flying under the radar right now due to an unimpressive schedule and the jaw dropping offensive numbers Bama, LSU & OK are putting up right now. But for my pretend expert opinion, Buckeyes are the team to be feared the most right now. There may be some hiccups early but OSU rolls. OSU 45 NEB 20 - AU Nerd

One of my favorite, personal things is to watch Nebraska and wonder when the realization that the Scott Frost system isn’t going to work at Nebraska and then the second realization that they are just an average program in today’s college football will truly set in. It obviously hasn’t yet but I think Ohio State will do all they can to bash them over the head with it this week as they welcome the Huskers to the Shoe. Ohio State and the over. OSU 52-17 - Drew Mac

Ohio State has been in the old “Bama minus anything” zone so far this year. Which of course means that I’m finally looking at making an investment in them, and therefore they’ll struggle with the Huskers. Nebraska rolled up a ton of yards on Illinois last week, but they made too many mistakes. I’m wary of the yearly “Ohio State craps its pants on the road on national TV” game, but I don’t think it’s this week. Ohio State 45, Nebraska 21 (OSU covers, UNDER by the hook) - James Jones

Ever since Scott Frost shot that kid in Breaking Bad, he’s had it coming. Justin Fields is about to Jesse Pinkman this dude and roll up about 400 yards and 5 touchdowns. Buckeyes 40, Huskers 17 - Jack Condon

South Carolina (-2.5) vs Kentucky (O/U 50.5)

Do we have an Anxiety Bowl here? If the Gamecocks drop this one, they’ll fall to 1-4, and will be lucky to get to 3-9 after that. Muschamp is gone in that scenario. Meanwhile, if the underdog Wildcats lose, Mark Stoops will have lost all good will from last season as Kentucky will be sitting at 2-3. Luckily, Kentucky still has likely wins over Arkansas, Tennessee, Vandy, UT Martin, and Louisville on the schedule, but losing to South Carolina would not be a good sign that Kentucky could handle those other games without faltering either. I don’t know, I guess I’m picking Kentucky? No way they hit that over. 23-15 blue team. - Ryan Sterritt

Neither one of these programs have much in the way of success in football historically. Take South Carolina for example. The last major thing South Carolina did was produce a Heisman Trophy winner in 1980. NINETEEN EIGHTY! That was THIRTY-NINE years ago. Most of you reading this probably weren’t even alive back in those days! How could any program that had their last major national success happen during the waning days of the Carter administration ever take themselves seriously? Can’t relate, but man that must be tough. 1980. 39 years ago. And maybe, just maybe, the best a program residing in the SEC East may have just peaked in 1980. You hate to see it. Kentucky 21 South Carolina 20 - Josh Black

I’m not really sure what to think of this game. It looks like Sawyer Smith will play for Kentucky and the Gamecocks have GOT to win this game or things could get really ugly. I don’t trust picking South Carolina since they screwed me in the Survivor Pool Week 1 so give the Wildcats! Kentucky 24 South Carolina 21 - Will McLaughlin

Talk about two schools needing a win. Both of these programs are desperate for some kind of success right about now. South Carolina and Will Muschamp are sitting at 1-3 and folks, the future does not look bright. They need a win or two to help justify a crazy buyout situation for Muschamp. I’m looking at their schedule…welp, Will Muschamp is going to get retained after going 2-10 because they don’t want to fork out $22 Million. Meanwhile, Kentucky nearly beats Florida then gets destroyed by Mississippi State? I think Kentucky is the only one of these programs that can put together a winning gameplan. Kentucky 28, South Carolina 17 - Josh Dub

I need Kentucky to win and I’ll tell you why: we need SCAR to look so bad that no one could possibly think they could upset one of the better teams left on their schedule. That’s when muschamp strikes and keeps his crummy job. This game is going to stink. Kentucky 21 Scar 13 - Son of Crow

The desperation bowl. Both of these programs needs this win in the worst way. Both are dealing with injuries at the QB position. I honestly thought the Kats would put up a bigger fight on the road against State. SCAR was pretty sad themselves in Columbia, MO. Winner of this game might be able to get off the mat and have an ok season with the terribleness of the East. Loser is fighting for bowl eligibility. Think it’s an ugly one but with it being at home the Cocks’ freshman QB does enough. Muschamp 23 UK 16 - AU Nerd

Woof. I went out on a limb for you last week Kentucky and you give me nothing! Frustrating. Oh well. Now the TurfCats return home to take on a reeling Carolina team in the battle of the second string QBs. No true breakdown here as this will not be a pretty ballgame but since the Cats are at home, as I guess they will be the least loser. Kentucky on the ML and the under. Cats 24-20 - Drew Mac

Gross. If Kentucky was at home, they’d be a no-brainer. To be honest, having the line here means Vegas thinks it’s a toss-up on a neutral field. I don’t know that I agree with that. I think Helinski plays well enough to keep SC in it, but I’m going to lean towards UK getting it done. Holding my nose either way. Gambling wise this is a total stay-away. Kentucky 24, South Carolina 21 (Kentucky wins outright, UNDER) - James Jones

FEEL OLD YET? pic.twitter.com/KIenYSLTte

— Karen Howell (@karenehowell) September 27, 2019

Muschamp’s gonna have plenty of time to open up the budding singing career when he ends up getting canned after this season. Boom will be Summertime Lover when he gets to chill on his boat for a season. Then he’ll return to Auburn for round three running the defense once Kevin Steele finally retires. Kentucky 23, Gamecocks 21 - Jack Condon

from College and Magnolia - All Posts https://www.collegeandmagnolia.com/2019/9/27/20886401/staff-picks-college-football-week-5

[junker-town]

The Top Whatever: Mississippi State made exciting, new LSU look like sad, old LSU

Ranking only the teams that really deserve to be ranked right now. If you’re looking for the polls, those are over here.

1. Clemson

Destroyed Louisville, 47-21. Let’s go through some comparisons that might or might not work here and see where it goes. The 2017 Clemson Tigers just walloped Louisville by a much larger margin than the national title-winning 2016 team did, and did it on the road. That’s impressive, especially when you consider how well Clemson was able to run the ball on Louisville (297 yards on the night!), and how consistently the Tigers’ mean-ass defensive line harassed Lamar Jackson.

Then again — just to tamp down too much optimism here — Louisville’s weaknesses are pretty consistent, too, and might have gotten worse for 2017. The defense is porous, the offensive line incapable of standing up to pressure, and if you can limit Jackson even a little, the Cardinals have few other options.

Clemson is really good, and in two straight games, has been bad for this particular Louisville team. Cautious optimism is fine, Clemson; I’m just preparing you for the inevitable “how is this team struggling against Wake Forest when we demolished Louisville” moment in October, because something stupid like that inevitably happens. (And yeah, usually involving Wake Forest.)

2. Oklahoma

Light work on the elliptical and some stretching in a 56-14 recovery-day win over Tulane. Maybe listened to a podcast and thought about what to buy at the grocery store for the week during the game, too. I dunno, just keeping it chill and easy.

3. Alabama

Sort of loitered through a 41-23 win over Colorado State, a Mountain West opponent who nearly put up 400 yards of offense on the Tide defense in Tuscaloosa. This gives something Nick Saban can be THEATRICALLY AGGRIEVED AT, which will drive A TOUGH WEEK OF PRACTICE, which will give Alabama SOMETHING TO SHOW THE HATERS NEXT SATURDAY.

It’s almost like Colorado State had the game pla—

—oh my god, Nick Saban really did this, knowing Colorado State could only be so competitive, even if it knew what was coming, thus convincing Alabama that it needed to improve after a sloppy performance.

There are master motivators, and then there is Nick Saban.

4. USC

The Trojans nearly suffered a transitive loss to Maryland, after letting Texas take them to overtime, but stripped the ball from Longhorns freshman QB Sam Ehlinger in the second OT to win, 27-24.

According to anyone who watched this game on Twitter, USC quarterback Sam Darnold sucks until he doesn’t, at which point he turns into somewhere from very good to incredible. I was in the Coliseum; Sam Darnold looked like a very good quarterback playing without much support from his run game, working against a inspired defense that ran out of gas somewhere in the start of the fourth quarter. The last drive in regulation to set up a field goal was surgical, as were the throws he made in OT to put USC on top. If that’s when your quarterback is really brilliant, you’ll generally be just fine.

In summary: stop NFL Draft Expert-ing in real time. Just stop. It’s not my job or your job, probably, and it demeans the whole story of how well Texas played and how brilliantly USC responded late to win. While we’re at it, leave poor Josh Allen alone. He plays for a team that has more elk than people in it. You go try finding a left tackle in that state who won’t get you killed against Oregon.

5. Oklahoma State

Could have scored a hundred on Pitt, but pulled up and decided to keep the rout to a respectable 59-21. That part about Louisville being a great matchup for Clemson, and Clemson being a really bad matchup for Louisville? Pitt’s defense is a great matchup for anyone right now, because the Pitt defense is every video of every fireworks factory explosion ever featured on Destroyed in Seconds. Oklahoma State really did just decide to stop scoring and take Mason Rudolph out in the third quarter.

Oklahoma State had four different receivers go over 100 yards on the day. Do not look at them without blast goggles, or put a cornerback without three years starting experience and a taser on wide receiver James Washington. That cornerback will die.

6. Mississippi State

Just blindsided LSU, 37-7, dominated every phase of the game, and yeah, we’re here. It’s Week 3, and Dan Mullen’s 20-year plan to conquer the SEC has passed the “frequently capable of thumping LSU” stage of things. The most shocking element: How Miss State’s defense made the new-look LSU offense look a lot like a bad, old, Les Miles offense on paper.

7. Wisconsin

Fat Kid sat on BYU in a 40-6 controlled demolition in Provo. Let’s check the Pizza of Time to see if Wisconsin did the Wisconsin thing.

YOU GOTTA EAT YOUR SLICES FASTER, BYU

Oh, BYU. You let Fat Kid eat most of the pizza, and that’s one strong indicator that Wisconsin got to do Wisconsin-type offensive things against you.

P.S. BYU’s offense in 2017, metaphorically speaking, is the guy in a competitive eating contest who eats two hot dogs and projectile vomits in every direction for an hour afterwards.

8. Michigan

Eh, nothing too new in a 29-13 win over Air Force at home. QB Wilton Speight and the rest of the offense is sort of struggling to finish drives, the defense is nasty and had its hands full with a super-disciplined triple-option team, and the Wolverines are a work in progress that is an undefeated work in progress. Please pardon their mess.

9. Oregon

49-13 flattening of poor Wyoming in Eugene. The usual, predictable deluge of points and yardage against a hopelessly overmatched opponent, but! Oregon plays Arizona State next week, so it’ll be worse next time! Arizona State’s defense just gave up 615 yards to Texas Tech and is a rolling debacle in 11 sets of color-coordinated cleats.

10. Penn State

Beat down Georgia State, 56-0. James Franklin continued his Revenge 2017 Tour by icing Georgia State’s kicker in order to line up his special teamers when Penn State was, yes, up by 56 points. James Franklin is 2017’s Coach Most Likely To Have A Simmering But Somehow Non-Fatal Case of Rabies.

11. Georgia

Shuffled FCS Samford through a 42-14 processing in Athens. 2017 Georgia’s really making hay off beating overpriced private schools, aren’t they?

OTHER UNDEFEATED TEAMS WE HAVE TO CONSIDER BUT WHO HAVE VERY TERRIFYING THINGS ABOUT THEM WE CANNOT SHAKE, EACH LISTED WITH THAT THING

Washington. Embarrassed a struggling Fresno State, 48-16, but [still shuddering thinking about how Rutgers beat UW up on the line of scrimmage]

TCU. Won the Iron Skillet in a raucous, 56-36 win over SMU, but again: Unclear if beating Arkansas or SMU means a whole lot of anything in 2017. THANK GOD FOR HUGE BUYOUTS, BRET BIELEMA.

Washington State. Beat hapless Oregon State, 52-23, but is Washington State.

Virginia Tech. Hammered East Carolina, 64-17, but did that against East Carolina, a team whose defense is so bad, it’s already fired its defensive coordinator.

Vanderbilt. Slugged out a 14-7 win over Kansas State, but is Vanderbilt.

San Diego State. Upset Stanford 20-17, but the Cardinal might be a Southern Hemisphere-only team this year.

Cal. what—

Kentucky. You see the problem here with Week 3 rankings, right?

TEAMS WITH ONE LOSS YOU SHOULD CONSIDER

None, it’s week three, go chill and think about what you did for a while. (Hi, Ohio State.)