#UW: Just because I like you doesn’t mean I won’t kill you

[spectreofhope]

Met Mass Effect 1 Squad tag dump

Ashley Williams - AW: That’s not a problem is it? That I believe in God?

Garrus Vakarian - GV: There’s no Shepard without Vakarian

Kaidan Alenko - KA: A big gun and a confidant attitude will get you through a lot in life

Jeff “Joker” Moreau - JM: I’m the best damn helmsman in the Alliance fleet

Liara T'Soni - LT: Because I couldn’t let you go

Tali'Zorah vas Normandy - TZ: After time adrift among open stars I will return to where I began

Urdnot Wrex - UW: Just because I like you doesn’t mean I won’t kill you

[emptymasks]

I’ve seen a lot about your thoughts on Elisabeth and Tanz der Vampire, and they’ve been really helpful getting into those musicals! But you have a huge list of other musicals that people can get into…

So I was wondering if you had any musicals you hadn’t mentioned in a while that you really like or would like to talk about??? (preferably something from your lists that has a blue heart please?)

Oh if only you knew how long the list of European musicals really is... I however have only seen 9 (if I counted right) and I have a lot more that I still need to watch. Oh also, I only put the blue hearts on any musicals that I was providing multiple links for so people could see which version I reccoment the most highly. If a musical only had one link and didn't have a blue heart it doesn't mean I didn't like it.

I've watched: Mozart das Musical, Elisabeth das Musical, Tanz der Vampire, 3 Musketiers, Mozart L'Opéra Rock, Dracula (the Graz production), Rebecca das Musical, Roméo et Juliette and Schikaneder.

If you enjoyed those two you're likely to enjoy Rebecca! It's written by the same composer/lyricist team as Elisabeth and Mozart (and same lyricist as Tanz der Vampire - though if you're listening to any German musical, original or translated, 90% of the time the lyrics will have been done by Michael Kunze that man is everywhere). The Stuttgart production has my favourite set design of any musical! Well... Actually probably. There are so many big set pieces it's insane, way more than I've seen in some Broadway and West End musicals. You can tell so much work went into it and the visual effects that I won't spoil if you don't know the plot but if you know the plot you know what I mean by the effects at the end are so good and I didn't expect them at all and I freaked out so much the first time I watched it. Jan Ammann as Maxim in the Stuttgart production is the best Maxim. No I won't take any argument. Other actors feel a bit one-dimensional to me, but the way Maxim acts at times comes from trauma and some actors and productions seem to forget that, but Jan really goes for it and his Maxim is a lot more sympathetic and I just want to give him a hug. Pia Douwes as Mrs Danvers, if you've seen her in Elisabeth what more do I need to say, she's amazing. A musical goddess. Her Danny is a bit more wild than some, but she kills it. My favourite video, which I put the blue heart next to, has understudy Christina Patten as Ich/I, but I adore her she's my favourite. She adds some spunk to Ich in act 2 and her voice is so pretty and aaaa. I just love these three actors together in these roles.

Roméo et Juliette is another favourite of mine! It's hard to choose which one to recommend, but it has to be the original 2000/2001 production because of the sweetness and chemistry and voices of Damien Sargue and Cecilia Cara as Romeo and Juliet. They're so pretty and work together so well. The only reason I say it's hard to pick is Mercutio. I adore him, but in the original production they cut out a song they had planned for him and he doesn't really do much at all? In the 2010 revival they gave him two more songs and you care about him so much more and John Eyzen plays such a good Mercutio. So I'd recommend the original but if you want to like Mercutio more, which you should he's amazing, I'd recommend watching at least clips of John's. It's an interesting musical because all productions are non-replica and also change around the order of songs, add or take away characters, all sorts. The Hungarian production is also very popular and I'm sure it's great, I just haven't' gotten around to watching it yet.

Mozart das Musical was the first non-English language musicals I watched so I have a fondness for it, but it's not my favourite. However, I do realise I have forgotten most of the songs and the few I've gone back and listened to are better than I remember.

Dracula isn't super popular and I understand why, I don't love the plot of the Dracula/Mina romance in it, however. I do love this musical because despite how I find the plot lacking, the songs are so good! At least, I love them. And the actors are all doing a great job. And it's one of the few Dracula adaptions to keep Quincy Morris so they get bonus points for that.

Mozart L'Opéra Rock and modern French musicals... This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but they're often more like pop-rock operas now. So if you're not into musicals with that style of music it might not be for you, but I still enjoyed it even though I didn't think I would because of the style of music. Mozart and Salieri's chemistry is very good, Salieri's bisexual crisis song is iconic, actually all of Salieri's songs are iconic.

Schikaneder... eh. I didn't like it that much and I didn't really like any of the songs. There's no English subtitles, but someone sent me the entire English synopsis and I watched it with a German friend so I had double the help of understanding it. Doesn't mean others might not like it, just none of the songs stood out to me and I had no desire to listen to any of them again. It's by Steven Scharwz of Wicked fame and I love Wicked, but I didn't love this.

3 Musketiers!! God it's so underrated and not spoken about within the European musical fandom that I even forget about it and literally forgot to write about it earlier in this post. It's a Dutch musical (though did also have a German production) and it's really good!? Faces you might know are Pia Douwes as Milady de Winter, Stanley Burlseon as Cardinal Richeliu (Netherlands Der Tod in Elisabeth), Henk Poort as Athos (Netherlands Phantom and Jean Valjean). The dialgoue is funny, the songs are good, some of the set pieces have no right to exist in this tiny musical?? They made this giant boat and pelt the actors with rain just for one 5 minute song and then we never see the boat again? And while I recommend the Dutch one because Dutch musicals deserve more love and it has official English subtitles!! Official ones, not fanmade! I have the DVD and it comes with English subtitles (and Dutch and German subtitles) which is so nice. The German version is also good, good cast, Pia came back and Uwe Kroger as Richeliu and omg they rearranged the songs and the German arrangement of Nicht Aus Stein is insane and amazing and frankly iconic.

That's all of the ones I have watched. Next on my list to watch are Rudolf and Notre Dame de Paris, both of which I have listened to some songs from and already love (I've listened to way too much of Notre Dame de Paris and am so in love).

I want to start organising streams where I'll host the musical either by getting the video from Youtube or my own files and anyone who wants to join can come along and watch with us, chat with us if you want or just watch there's no pressure to chat. I thought about doing weekly streams? This would also make me finally watch some of the ones I've been meaning to for ages. But I keep wondering about time zones. I'm in the UK and would want to stream at about 11pm at the latest (11pm BST/GMT+1 as we’re in daylight savings at the moment, if the streams continue past the end of October which would be wild then I’ll make a note of the time change that would be to 11pm GMT), which I know can work for other UK and Europeans, but for any Americans would be in the afternoon. So, I wondered if doing it on a weekend would be better? Then it doesn't matter if it's in the afternoon? Maybe Saturday evenings then? It would either be Saturday evenings UK time or Friday evenings UK time. What do you guys think? If people are down then I'll make a separate post with a list of what we'll be watching each week and if anything happens to me that means I can't stream one week then everything will just get pushed back a week, but I don't see that as likely to happen. And I'll only be streaming those that have English subtitles, so don't worry about not being able to understand anything.

edit: am also open to 10pm bst if others want that, im just trying to think of what time works best for everyone so sorry if 11pm is a little late for europeans, i know 10pm could be a little early for americans. also in case it sounded like these are the only musicals i will be streaming, thats not so, ive got more than just the ones mentioned on this list!

(Tagging some people who I know are or might be interested in streams to see what you think of that plan: @sirona-art @ringwraith100 @tanz-der-trash @smilingwoland @the-weird-dane @witchgaye @ami-fidele @kisstheghouls @looking-4-happiness @ladysapphire928 @sloanedestler @tinywound @persephonaae @phoenixdewinter @uwucoffee @freshbloodandgothicism )

[allthatwehear]

it’s time for another blog post

Grief this season has been like,

laying on my floor and time is passing - I often don’t know how much time, but after a little while I become self-conscious of what I’m doing/the nothingness I’m doing, and I get angry at myself and wonder if anyone else just lays on their floor & wastes time.

(I talked to my sister the other day & told her that I watch the clouds pass, and she said she did it too -- “wait you do that too??”)

it’s been like, listening to a lot of music at night because it’s loud outside my house (actually quite noisy neighbors) and they irritate me & I lose my patience. and the music helps bring me to a different state of mind, because i need to stop ruminating on certain things/be brought to a new headspace. it’s been me dodging rooms when people walk in. physically gathering my things & looking like some antisocial jerk & running to my room, closing the door when I’m having phonecalls, even getting pissy with unexpected visits & when people take up my space. 

it’s been like, when people are speaking to me, i find I’ve been dissociating (don’t normally do this) and I’m nod my head routinely “yeah” so they think that i am listening, but truthfully my head is so full of strain & mush that not a lot is getting through. I can’t take a whole lot of information at once, and I can only take so much information about you, unfortunately. if people are just talking at me, and not with me, I am having a hard time.

even time itself, is a freakin’ blur - i had a close friend admit to me the other day, that they were sad i hadn’t visited their house (outside of school) during the three plus years I’d known them. & how on earth was I supposed to describe that for me, time is such a blur and I lost track of how much actually went by, and always intended to visit but I didn’t have the thoughts to make it happen? time is such a blur... and motivation. augh that motivation is a bitch.

it’s been drastically dropping people, communication-wise; people who I was previously making a set-goal to see on a regular basis (usual girl-dates), to new friendships I was fostering & then suddenly I disappear - though they are great people and great for me. I spoke to a close one of these people, on the phone (unheard of for me), and he so kindly asked what I needed of him. It all sort of rushed out, but I ended up explaining that I needed people not to be offended with me if I disappear for weeks sometimes, or just can’t answer that right now, or am able to talk on the phone one week but am not feeling up to it the next. if i have periods where I don’t want to go out. that legitimately, my needs and what I feel I can handle changes from minute to minute, sometimes. I had the strength & motivation to call my own sister & that took a lot, & when she didn’t pick up, I wasn’t ready to talk when she called back. I explained that I just sort of have to do things at whatever pace it comes at, but a lot of people will take that offensively or that I don’t love them -- and I totally get it. because who wants a friend who is so unreliable? who is there one moment, but gone the next? well unfortunately - that is just who I am at the moment. & he told me he’d never be upset for those tumultuous, unpredictable needs. and I said, “that’s what I need”. 

grief has been someone asking me if I’m going to look for jobs, since I just recently discovered I lost mine (that I intended to return to this month), and me thinking right back that I don’t even know what I’m going to do to get through the next day -- or going to do the next few hours. I’ve let go, currently, of quite a few things I was working really hard for: a cool leadership position at a young adult youth group I got, the youth group itself, my faith, itself... 

sometimes I feel like I’m going to melt through the floor. I feel my body & its weight and I think I’ll just sink; i’ll just sink. with every normal expectation people ask of me -- the “what did you do today’s?” and “what’re your summer plans?” to “what jobs do you want?”. they don’t realize that I crawl to bed at the sound, the overwhelm of those things. that they are asking almost impossible tasks of me, as I mourn the death of my second sibling, and their upcoming birthday (the 23rd, mind you). what I crave is something strange - but it’s actually a person to hold me, like, spoon me like a baby, because psychologically I feel like nothing can get me in that place and their body is essentially a “shield” from all evil -- or they’re “squeezing” all the “bad” out of me and replacing it with safety. because in my grieving head, I am 22 years-old, and that means I may have 60+ more years of traumatic, life-altering, heartbreaking, shattering events & sometimes I don’t know how to not let that just crumble & kill me inside. that I have all these years left - open, vulnerable, to be hit with suffering. 

grief, is unexplainable, though I like to try. I like to try because I want it to be understandable. because if people don’t understand grief they won’t understand how to support those grieving; because, inevitably, we’re all going to grieve something, it’s going to happen to all of us. 

I heard something -- to go back to time -- about grief the other day. it was by Dr. Zoe Donaldson, and she spoke in this profound TedTalk that I had to share with my mom, to my sister, to my instagram. “Hear this”, I thought. She said, so truthfully, “We have a tendency to talk about grief in terms of time. We say things like “time heals all wounds”, or “they are just moving through the stages of grief”, but I think this fails to give credit where credit is due. And that’s because time isn’t doing anything. Time is passing; and while it’s passing, your brain is working really hard to heal itself.”

“You brain has to take all of the moments of joy from that [lost] relationship --- everything that was good about it -- and it has to separate it just enough from the pain of the loss until you can get to the point of describing it as bittersweet. And this is crucial. You need to do this to move on, and reengage with a meaningful life.” 

“Despite the fact that we tend to conflate grief and depression, they’re actually different things. If you give someone who is grieving antidepressants, it won’t do anything to alleviate the core symptoms of grief. When we talk about those core symptoms of grief, we use terms that talk about the heart. We talk about a broken heart, a hole in our heart, words that give us a sense of yearning for that individual. And yearning, quite frankly, is not part of depression.” 

Yearning. Time passing. All of this struck such an intimate cord in my heart - because this was true. We are yearning for those people, that person. I yearn for the dimple on Caroline’s cheek and to watch Miyazaki with her while she doodles on the whiteboard perched on her lap. I yearn to hold Juge’s hands again, in the hospital room, and listen to that chipper, rising-high-pitched laugh of theirs to well-up the room.

Time passing. All I want, some days, is for this obnoxious life to be over with. For the time to pass -- because sometimes I actually want it to go away. Other days the desire for time to pass is for the deep, gut-wrenching emotions to pass - I utter “just get through another day”. In a sense we’re waiting for the “grief” to pass - though it won’t, but maybe it’s a hope.

ENDING????????

Do I include the job part??

here is a big grief thing I am experiencing, as a slight side-note, but I think significant to what’s going on in my life. significant to mention, because it was significant/heartbreaking enough, to me. I lost my job that was really important to me. I went through heartbreak while I was there. I persevered & pushed the management until I was a busser/server’s assistant, a job ordinarily readily offered to men - yet I had to jump through two interviews with two manager’s & demand pants. I went through the death of my second sibling there, & received an outpouring of love. I met some UW basketball celebrities & pushed myself til the point of almost crying in the back multiple times. I ate some really good desserts. And I made some very sweet, very humorous friends. and it became quickly like a family, a fish family, and I lost a little fish family of mine. I won’t forget the sunsets glistening in the water when I worked in the summer evenings, or the sports shows on as i swept the bar-floors riddled with fish n’ chips. it was a place I felt so comfortable in, after so much discomfort, & to have it ripped has been gruesome. a thing with grief is, once you have become accustomed & happy in a place, those places suddenly mean a whole lot more then usual. they mean that you don’t have to be thrown off with surprises; you know the ins & outs, they are yours now & you can breathe easy. well I lost one of those places. and I am upset and grief-ridden in another way. 

so friends - don’t forget, grieving doesn’t always occur after you’ve lost a physical being. it can also happen when you’ve lost that space where you perched outside your window in the apartment room with your morning coffee; your favorite first house after college, the tastes of a beloved restaurant, moving away from a family home, a pet’s caress, and more. don’t forget the “little” big things. and remember you can essentially grieve for it all - because inevitably change is a part of life, thus grieving those changes should be a part of life, too. 

I hope you give yourself space to remember the people/places/things you love, & talk about them constantly with your beloveds so they never go away from memory. I’d love to hear about them sometime. tell me about what you’ve lost - and recount the love/memories you gained before they were gone. 

END??

Draft

Grief has been like -- 

sometimes i am laying on my floor for actual hours, and I can’t do much more but watch the clouds pass. And i get angry at myself for doing that/feeling that, and I wonder if anyone else just lays on their floor & wastes time.

it’s been like -

putting headphones in at night because I need a different noise to lull me into a different state of mind. it’s been messages from people I was once making a firm habit to be talking to - or meet - & staring as their needs pile up & I quickly lose my will to continue connecting. because there come too many messages. and i get overwhelmed, and i just shut down.

even phone calls to my sister in Colorado - have narrowed & grown seldom. however for this, Maddie validates me by admitting “it’s a terrible month Sarah, and i kind of just had to cut off for a bit”. these words i understand like breath in my lungs.

it’s been people asking me if i’m looking for jobs and me even wondering what I can do to get through the next day - or the next few hours; what’s going to benefit me enough to bring me some sort of rest. it’s been letting go of several feats I conquered, interviews i had, and a church position I was in the past, proud to attain.

now it’s me letting go of the church, and sometimes meditating, or learning sanskrit. it’s been me /not/ doing things. not. doing. anything. it feels like any day now i’m going to melt through the floor.

sometimes I feel like a solid wall that nothing will get through. sometimes all, actually, constantly, all I crave is a human body behind me holding, tightly. to squeeze all the past & future attacks right out of me. deflect them. because i fear the other 60+ years of life i have still to live, because that just means 60+ possible more years of horror and hurt. and yes, i suppose that could be a form of ptsd. 60+ years of pain I may experience as a young 22 year old.

Fleetwood Mac speaks to me. my language has gotten coarser. and I’m starting to fear that the people who knew me back then, surrounded in school, won’t recognize me/will give me backlash for the changes that are happening inside.

[sneakyhomunculous]

RPT Phoenix Report: Back to Back!

Part 1: Preparation 

“How should I begin this? I’m just so offended; how am I even mentioned by all these fucking beginners?” 

Let’s back up a bit. 

I’m coming into this half season fresh off a 5th place finish in the last MC, which means I’m qualified for RPT1/2 and PTFinal 1. 

From what I could make of the shoddy convoluted details at the beginning of this year; I believed I had a serious upper hand in the Rivals race. 

Only 4 tournaments count. The 3 I am qualified for and the 2nd PT final which I’ll have multiple chances to que for as well. 

Almost everyone else has at most 1 RPT Q and a pipe dream. 

With this info, I decide I am going to go for it. I know I am still an underdog, but I believe I am one of the few people in the world in this spot to somewhat reasonably set this goal of top 12 paper rivals for myself. 

At the same time, the world we live in is an Arena dominated one. 

I hate it of course. 

Like most of you reading this; I play the game for mostly 1 big reason [the fierce competition]. Arena is severely lacking in this department.

Only standard, a mindless ladder with the only reward being a single lottery ticket into a ~15k USD 0.5% equity drawing. (that requires you to play standard for 8 hours on a saturday there will assuredly be a GP you want to play.) 

A petty, infuriating chore. 

Bc standard is so chalked and flooded with players anyway; You are forced to play casual [but ranked] drafts against the bots.  

Slamming BO1 games with 15 land decks until your eyes bleed and the mythic achievement is reached! 

Then you close the unbearable program down not to be touched again until the next time this chore is required; or the lottery drawing is happening.

Nice system! 

All that being said, I’m still not going to handicap myself, and so I decide I will go for Arena as well. 

Unfortunately I have no early advantage there, and the spots are obviously unbelievably high variance. 

There are only 2 Invys and 2 Mythic point challenges, and if you miss the first invy you are almost drawing dead at a 1-12 spot. Especially with special invites and re-ques for top finishers all factored in. 

So far I am failing on the Arena front. 

I was too attached to my beautiful Urza Oko deck (I didn’t prepare enough for the first MCQW I would be double queing along side the modern GP in Austin. It cost me as I woke up and played poorly to a swift 2-2 exit with Jetski Fires before heading over to the GP) 

I lost a win and in and got 17th there. Never have I played a tournament with a bigger edge over all non mirrors in the field! Unfortunately I played 7 mirrors and managed a lowly 4-2-1 in them. 

I can’t make it through these gauntlets on autopilot anymore. 

I’m only 27, but my seemingly rapid reduction in processing speed has made me feel like I’m somehow getting too old for this grind.  

The way I have dealt with it? 

Accepting it. 

As much as I hate to admit it; I am not the same 17 year old wunderkind anymore and the young guns have a big edge on me. 

I have to take all the necessary steps to take care of myself and do everything in my power to make sure when I’m in the trenches; inside the matches in the important tournaments; I can be as focused on the games as possible. This is just so I can make the playing field close to level. 

Otherwise I am going to be reading cards, and playing slow unconfident magic. 

This is a big one; I believe. 

I think one thing a lot of players are lacking in pushing themselves to higher levels is the confidence in their decisions. I used to struggle with this a lot (still do sometimes) and I would constantly second guess things multiple times every turn. 

Over time, I’ve learned that if you put in the work... 

You practice; 

Play actual games and learn the interactions; 

You can really lean on your instincts and exude confidence in yourself that goes a long way in winning matches of Magic the Gathering. 

(Look at almost all of the best players. They are confident in their decisions in the games, even when they end up making mistakes.) 

But enough with the nonsense; let’s get to the tournament prep so we can blaze through that boring shit and get to the sweet 16 PT rounds 

(spoilers: there may be more than 16) 

Collin Rountree is torn between testing with Me Ty Will and the Houston Slack, and testing with team 5% captained by Allen “The Process” Wu. 

Of course the choice is obvious, but Collin doesn’t want to leave all the local bangers in the dust. 

He lobbies on our behalf, and Me Ty Will and Eddie all join team 5%. 

I am not a stranger to large testing teams. 

I spent four PTs testing with team TCG/SCG and we averaged around 15 people. The difference was that we always met up in person a week or more ahead of time for an intense testing period, and also I guess we had more dueling personalities.

Shoutout to everyone on those squads those were great times. 

But when you have Steve Rubin Seth Manfield Corey Burkhart Andrea Mengucii mixed with Brad BBD Martell Kibler mixed with Me Fennell GerryT Josh Cho mixed with Ari Lax trying to organize everything for everyone..... 

Anyone who knows these people can see how this led to some logistics issues and some heated arguments about who is not pulling their weight, or who is just showing up late and mooching, or who keeps brewing decks with no mana bases and sideboards and bringing them to Brad telling them they are great and we have to play games with them (another shoutout to Fennell, hope he reads this and fires up a modo draft tonight. And shoutout to Brad for creating the no 75, no games rule. You can’t fucking say you made a deck if you don’t have a manabase or a sideboard, and some brewers out there may need to hear that again.) 

Team 5% (7.1673746%) is all online testing. 

We use a discord with dedicated channels to all the constructed decks, all the limited topics, logistics, and chalkdiesel/washed bad beat/rant rooms/RIP Rimrock Knight etc. etc. so you can see how it stays pretty clean, organized, and simple. 

But no really, having so many people gives us an edge on many fronts. 

There is usually always someone available to battle. We can cover a lot of ground really quickly. Multiple people are brewing and many people are tuning the known decks. Lots of different opinions and we end up covering all the limited archetypes quickly as the drafts pile in. 

All of this being said, my best two PT results from the past are when I worked alone. 

I usually draft infinite (75-100) times (when I lose I drop and draft again. And sometimes I drop when winning just to draft again) and I just try to play the best deck in constructed. 

This I have learned is a recipe for success for me. 

But I was happy to join this team. My intention was to just do the same thing, but have some people to talk to while I drafted 75-100 times and tuned the best deck. 

I worked with a few of these players back in the TCG days (shoutout to Ari and Corey, and again to Corey for winning the PT let’s gooooooo) and everyone that I heard was currently on this 5% team; I liked. 

So for my testing I did almost purely magic online. 

I did around 60 drafts after all was said and done. In constructed, I played a ton of UW control and small amounts of all the other stock decks, and watched a lot of streams. 

I wanted to be familiar with the format but not go too hard until the days leading up to; during; and right after the first 2 RPTs. 

What a weird dynamic, having 2 pro tours 5 days before deck submission for your pro tour. 

It really worked out in our favor because our team is so big and we were able to quickly attack the new and perceived future metagame. 

Nothing at those two tournaments made me waiver from wanting to register UW control. 

I was still beating everything, and I predicted the metagame would be 20%ish UB invertor and then spirits, red, black, and sultai delerium/invertor uro decks would be all around 10%. 

When I say I was beating everything, I was beating everything. 

Granted these were in leagues, but it was mostly all against real decks and my constructed rating was skyrocketing above my limited. 

Not a thing I am accustomed to. 

I had a 17-1 record against mono red, and no cap. I had a 12-2 record against mono black. I had a 8-1 record against UB invertor. 

I crushed Collin so badly with our teams current front running mono white devotion that he decided to add 4 Gideon Ally of Zendikar to the maindeck and try again. 

A 4-0 for me later in which he resolved 5 Gideons led to him telling the discord he is off it. ���Bursavich just beat me every single game and I resolved gideon in all of them.” 

The only deck I ever lost matches to was spirits but I still won more than I lost against it. 

Around Monday our team was all piling on to the breach deck realizing how good it was, and I joined in to. 

I played a prelim and a league and immediately bought all of the cards from cardkingdom. But after my next few matches I was feeling very conflicted. 

I was very worried how bad UW was against breach, but I didn’t think breach would break 7-8% or the metagame anyway. And I can tweak UW some to have a shot I tell myself. 

The breach deck is obviously busted, but it’s a combo deck with a weird puzzle-like 3 step combo. 

First you have to get 2 lands into play and then play lotus field, then u have to play a thespians stage and copy it, and then u have to kill your opponent with ur huge amounts of mana. 

But the deck is so consistent and sort of resilient that I found myself trying to play it like a midrange deck. 

I have these faes and grazers and pores and viziers, I can block! And Fae for planeswalkers and grind people out or take all these weird dynamic lines... and then I realized I was fucking up a lot. 

The games are not always intuitive to me, and I won’t be able to live with myself if I register this and play horribly to lose games I should win, considering there will likely be some number of games my deck fails and I can’t win (or my opponent is prepared with damping sphere or one of the other 1-2 cards that do anything at all to stop this abomination of a deck) 

So a few hours after ordering the breach cards I am going to bed Monday night and I know I’m going to play UW control... 

Shoutout to the squad though! 

They really crushed it over these few days and perfected the breach list and had all the matchups figured out down to the T. 

Our limited meetings were great and I believe they really helped everyone a lot and we had an overall great showing in limited. 

I spend all day Tuesday and Wednesday with magic online open and the discord on my other monitor. 

I occasionally jam some games with teammates but for many many hours I just stare at my UW decklist while catching up on the latest breach tech. 

I just stare at the deck..... 

For hours

I went to get lunch and came back and stared some more. 

It was perfect and there was just nothing to cut. 

I wanted another hard counter in my deck but could not find the space. 

I have been moving 1 card around here and there, swapping 3rd field of ruin for the 4th Glacial, swapping back, then swapping back again. going down to 1 absorb and back to the 2/2 split back to 1. Moving around seal away D sphere narset lantern thassas intervention Mystical Dispute elspeth etc. etc. but mostly keeping the same core 73-75 cards the same. 

With a few hours left in submission and all the data pouring in, we realize that LSV Huey and a large swath of great players have all been spotted in leagues today playing breach. 

I am suddenly panicked bc the matchup is still quite bad. 

I have a few good cards, but nothing to swing it past like a 33% matchup at best.

I know damping sphere is my only real option if I want to respect it, and I’m of the mindset that doing so is normally a bit silly. 

While the deck is obviously busted, it’s been 5 days and many players are uncomfortable playing decks of this style. 

My general guess is that it breaking 6-7% of the field will still be unlikely, and I think it pushing above 10% would be crazy. 

So I can expect to play vs it once on average?? 

Not so fast. 

This is a new RPT with a wide open field, but still a lot of goats at the top. 

Turns out you almost always have to defeat multiple goats to get the trophy in PT’s... 

And I didn’t fly to Phoenix just to have a good ole time and settle for 6th place, so I man up and delete 2 Monastery Mentor for 2 Damping Sphere. 

This will hurt me in mirrors and vs Invertor, but I am confident I will be fine anyway. 

With 10 minutes left in submission I consider adding a 3rd sphere but am too lazy to open back up my laptop and know I won’t be able to cut any of the beautiful cards in my sideboard for it anyway. 

Enough with the boring shit; let’s get to the tournament!!! 

Part2 coming tomorrow!

[beardfulstrix]

Monogamy is wood, not cardboard

If you read blog post #1, then you’ll know that what attracted me to Modern is the ability to play whatever I like.  In a reasonably small time-frame I became known at my LGS as the guy that doesn’t play the same deck twice.  I mean, that wasn’t wholly true - otherwise I couldn’t also be ‘the guy who plays Tron!’

But I have to admit, I did love the brewing process.  And rocking up - not necessarily with out-and-out jank, but with ‘my’ version of a certain archetype -became the thing I did.

One week I’d be on Big G-Tron.  Next it would be Eldrazi & Taxes.  Then Jeskai-Saheeli-control. Maybe Orzhov control (think Solemnity, Phyrexian Unlife, Lingering Souls and a lot of Gideons). I tried UW control`, Eldrazi-Tron.  I built the ‘Sigarda’s Aid’ / ‘Colossus Hammer’ combo deck and managed to Turn 2 kill a couple of people. I built a RG Eldrazi deck after Grzegorz Kowalski won GP Lyon with it.  How do you put Noble Hierarch, Birds of Paradise, Lightning Bolt AND Reality Smasher in the same deck and NOT win?

I was having lots of fun.  But I wasn’t winning much.

Part of that was due to the inconsistency in my decks.  I’d be playing a ‘version’ of the archetype, but if the ‘real’ deck had a card I didn’t like, I wouldn’t run it.  Or if there was a card that fit in the deck that I liked, I’d play that over something ‘stock’ and lose percentage points as a result. But the key reason for my lack of success was that I was making too many mis-plays.  Often they were out-and-out wrong plays, where I took the wrong line.  Other times, it would be a mis-play in not understanding the match-up properly ... because I hadn’t had enough reps with the deck to understand what I needed to draw to in certain circumstances.  When to hold certain removal for a better target.  When to use my life total as a resource to get me to the mid-late game etc.

Plus I’ve seen enough coverage on Twitch now to know the truth of the phrase, “in Modern, you get rewarded for knowing your deck”.

So, now I feel like my attitude has matured a little.  I’ve had my ‘adolescent’ fun - taking out a new deck every week.  If I want to be fulfilled, it’s probably time to think about settling down.  And whilst that’s unlikely to mean full-on commitment, with 100% fidelity to one deck or archetype, it will mean I’ll focus in on a couple of decks that I think will have some range in the current meta - and that retain enough creativity - either in flex-spots available, or play style - to ensure I don’t get too bored too quickly.

I think I’ve got a shortlist of 3.  Which for me is pretty good.  Keeping some variety means that the others at my LGS won’t always be able to anticipate how to sideboard for me.  And learning more than one deck will hopefully give me some flexibility to ride the ebbs and flows of the meta as new cards come into the format - and others leave.  So long OKO - you burned bright...but you were an absolute tool!

Tune in next time to see which decks I’m settling in on - and just how bad those choices are!

Beardful Strix

[artificialqueens]

Boston Chelsea Hotel Ch.1 (Trixya) - Evelyn Bubbles

Hi! Evelyn Bubbles here. I hope you bitches are ready for this new chapter! It wouldn’t be here without my beloved translator, Sofi, and my amazing beta VicThirteen. You girls made my day! (And life). This chapter is super long, I’ll snatch your wigs! My tumblr is @subtle-spaghetti if you wanna ask me something or send a request. Constructive criticism is always welcomed! And please keep in mind English is not my first language, so… enjoy anyway! Note: I changed some characters’ gender. Yup! There are no drag queens here!

Boston Chelsea Hotel

Chapter One - Brian Firkus

The lapping of the waves against the wood makes me suddenly open my eyes, and I sit down while looking around dumbfounded. In the distance, the golden beach of a small island attracts me magnetically. I want to reach it as soon as possible, but this ship doesn’t go faster that this. I look down, and I realize that this is not a ship. It’s a coffin. A large coffin made out of dark wood which I’m straddled on, and my face turns into an expression of aghast. I can’t tell whether it’s empty or not, and curiosity grips me: I want to open it. I want to know who’s inside it. I try to break the lid open, but it’s nearly impossible to do that while I’m on top of it and I have no intention of going into the sea. I could wait till I reach the shore, but it still seems so distant… if possible, farther than before. Wait, am I being drifted away? Panic sets upon me and I try to move rowing with my hands, but it’s useless, it doesn’t seem to change my position. I gasp at the thought of being stuck in here forever. I have to get into the water, even though I’m not an excellent swimmer. But to reach the shore is my main priority. I swallow in vain and I dive into the sea, while a song starts playing.

•••

My t-shirt is completely soaked in sweat when I wake up, the notes of “Cotton Eye Joe” ringing loudly from my phone, and I blindly reach for it while removing it from the charger. Nine o’clock, perfect!

Sweaty as ever, I yawn and rub my eyes. A frustrated moan leaves my mouth: what an anxious dream, I’ll probably end up thinking about it all day. As if my weird neighbor wasn’t enough. At the thought of her sharp face I feel a strange and sudden excitement taking over me, and I run to put my ear by the wall to try to hear any revealing noises. Sadly, a complete silence welcomes me, and I snort, disappointed; but to be fair, what did I expect to find out? Yesterday night she and that guy - I’m quite sure that that’s what happened, at this point - went on till the small hours of night enjoying themselves. They probably won’t wake up anytime soon. And when it happens, he’ll push aside the hair from her forehead, and while opening her eyes, she’ll see his warm smile, she’ll kiss him and cuddle in his strong arms, and…

I shake my head: I’m definitely being led too much by fantasy, I need to stop thinking about her, about that peculiar dream or about anything else that isn’t getting ready to go to work. I hop in the shower and 5 minutes later I’m outside, finally free from my sticky sweat.

Getting dressed is easy, since I’m not a particularly polished person: I like jeans, t-shirts and shirts, especially the plaid ones, with a pair of comfortable sneakers that I can quickly put on. I run a hand through my hair to try to give it some sort of shape. Luckily it’s short, and even though it’s ruffled, I still look presentable.

I wouldn’t define myself a particularly attractive person, even though many people tell me the opposite. I consider myself to be quite anonymous, there’s nothing particular about me: I don’t have light eyes or a sculpted jaw. I obviously keep fit, since I often went to run in Milwaukee, but I’ve never been obsessed with muscles. I’m pretty tall and in shape, but I know I’ll never have evident abs or steel arms. The only thing that bothers me a little is my face, obstinately oval, which makes me look like an egg, especially during summer when I shave my head to have some relief from heat. But I’m happy with myself, it could have been worse. I could have had a flat personality with no sense of humor at all, for example. I could have had no talent, aspiration, value. I shrug, turning away from the mirror in which I was looking at myself, and get out of my room, closing the door behind me. It’s definitely time for breakfast: I’m starting to feel hungry.

The hallway is still empty, except for an old man who walks in the opposite hallway to mine with a slow walk, leaning on a light wooden stick.

Once in the lift, I take time to remove the silence mode from my phone and give a quick glance for any messages. Since there’s nothing particularly interesting I snort and put away my phone right when the doors open on the lit atrium. I find Chad Michaels at the reception desk, without any sign of fatigue on his face. He lifts his glance from the computer’s screen and welcomes me with a huge smile. “Have you come down for breakfast?” I nod, and my eyes wander on the wooden wall where the room keys are hanged. I wonder why they’ve never switched to magnetic keys, but I suppose it’s due to some sort of family tradition - I’ll probably Google the hotel later. When I see the number 1582, carved with golden letters in the wood, I think about that woman and I decide to ask some questions while trying to seem nonchalant. “Yesterday I’ve seen my neighbor, the girl of the 1582, what an interesting person!” I say casually- Chad’s eyes light up for a brief moment, and I can’t really tell what that could mean. “She’s one of our best guests, she’s been coming here for months now, and she’s always in the same room. I honestly think she could afford a better one, but she’s never requested it. Someone has complained about some weird noises, but we can’t lose her as a client. We haven’t simply filled the rooms around hers” “I’ve heard some noises too, but it didn’t bother me at all.” Chad sags his shoulders “Thank God; we’re completely booked and I wouldn’t know where to put you without overcoming your agency’s budget” “Don’t worry, I’m great where I’m now. Thank you very much for your availability Chad” I say, tapping the desk and entering a lateral hallway. I let myself be guided through the hotel by the smell of breakfast, which leads me to the dining room, already full of people eating, chatting, going from one side of the room to the other carrying plates full of eggs, bacon, fruit and any other food acceptable at this time of the day.

I look around and I eye a table for two nearby a window, covering the distance in a few steps. I reach for the clip with the number of my table when an unusually familiar voice says my name. “Brian? Brian Firkus?” I suddenly turn around, and a tall and slouching guy stands before me, with his hair short and gray put in a tidy tuft which stands up thanks to a bit of hair gel. I don’t recognize him at first, but something in his pale face and blue eyes makes me click. “Max, Max… Max Malanaphy? I can’t believe it!” He leans in to hug me and I return the gesture, my mouth open in shock. “What are you doing here? I thought you were still in Hudson!” Max waves his hand: “Nah, I left definitively a year ago, you know, it didn’t fit me anymore. I’ve traveled for some time across the country, I’ve been to San Diego, California which was awesome, but then they called me elsewhere and I had to move. So here I am.”

Knowing how Max can be talkative and emotional, I stop him right before he can continue. “Why don’t we go grab some food so you can tell me everything? I’d love to hear from you, but right now I don’t have so much time. I still have to go upstairs and take the materials and everything”

He nods so we approach the buffet table, where I fill my plate with everything that doesn’t contain meat. I quickly go back to the table, where Max is biting into a cheese sandwich. “Are you still a vegetarian?” he asks, pointing at my breakfast. I giggle, taking a forkful of scrambled eggs “Absolutely, forever and ever, it’s already been 18 years my dear”. “And let me guess: you’re still basically a non-drinker and you’ve never smoked.” I smile proudly “Exactly. How would you otherwise explain these incredibly white teeth?” Max says something under his breath that sounds like a clear invitation to shut my mouth full of eggs. He’s always been a polite person, maybe too much. As a matter of fact, he gets often scandalized over silly things.

“But what about you, Mr. Malanaphy. What the hell are you doing here?! You’re basically the last person I would’ve expected to meet!” “I’ve moved here from San Diego because while touring with the theater company I was part of, a guy from a casting agency noticed me and asked me to take part in a musical here in Boston! Now, listen what a smart idea this is. It’s a remake of the Rocky Horror Show… Post-apocalyptic version!” I wince. What? I almost choke on the pear juice I’m drinking, coughing repeatedly and looking at Max straight in the eyes. “You… what? You’re part of the cast of the Rocky Horror?! That’s impossible! I can’t believe it!” “Yeah, why? Don’t you love that musical?” “Max, I work for that musical! Here in Boston!” He throws himself on the back of his chair, his face enlightened by a surprised and ecstatic expression: “That’s crazy! Are you kidding me?! We’re gonna work together again!” I join in his laughter, stretching to give him an affectionate pat on the arm: “And it’s the UW-Madison theater club all over again? Just please tell me that we don’t have to do ‘No, No Nanette’ again or I swear I’ll kill myself!” “Oh, please, no! We’re so unlucky that they could change the theme of the play last minute without even giving us the possibility of tapping out!” “Can you hear the sheer terror in my voice?” I giggle, thinking back to when me and Max had to rehearse that musical dozens of times because we couldn’t remember all the dance steps. “If I focus hard enough I can still see the face of Mr. Davenport shouting at us” my friend sighs nostalgically. “Good times uh?” Max shakes his head “We were kids, Brian. It’s time to seize the day and be adults, for once. Even though you still look sixteen” he says, grinning. These type of comments used to make me upset, but I’ve grown used to them. I fake a shocked expression: “I’ve never been so offended in my life, can you hear it? It’s my self-esteem crumbling” I add sarcastically, grabbing a corn cracker and splitting it. A peculiar light that I cannot recognize glimmers in Max’s blue eyes. “You’re still sour, Firkus. If you keep on being like this you’ll never get married, I’m warning you!” “Oh please! I’ve always wanted to get married, and I’m undeniably desirable” I reply, winking. Actually, I’m not so sure about that, and I look down trying not to be seen by Max, who’s busy laughing. It’s true that marriage has always been my biggest dream, but I’m already 27. Isn’t it time for me to settle down? But trying to find someone who shares my ideals is hard. They say I’m too “snob”, but I have to admit that I’ve always been pretty selective regarding relationships. I have precise standards that must be respected, otherwise I’d feel terribly uncomfortable. Though I have to admit that I often make others feel not at ease. My excessive romanticism leads me to discuss too soon about marriage and family. I fall in love slowly, but once I’m there I can’t avoid imagining a future with that person. Oh gosh, I’m terrible. I should definitely loosen up and enjoy my youth. “Geez, we should get going, Bri.” Max’s voice brings me back to reality, and I glance at the clock: we should really leave. I take another corn cracker to munch on while getting to my room, and we quickly go towards the lift. “I get off on the first floor” I tell Max once in the elevator, pushing the according button. “I’m on the fourth, figured I’d have a room near yours” he snorts. “Don’t cry too much at night without me, like you’ve surely done when I left college” I tease, giving him a pat on the shoulder before getting out. “What about meeting in the hall in 15 minutes? We can share a cab” “A cab? You’re so lazy! It’s than a mile away!” “Yeah, but I have all the suitcases with my stuff, you genius.” He rolls his eyes, then smiles at me: “OK then! But not a minute later, you don’t wanna be late on your first day, do you?” I do a military salute: “No sir!” I cross the hallway in a hurry, finally facing my room door. I hear no life signs from the 1582 and I sigh in disappointment. But what did I expect? That she somehow materialized herself in that exact square meter of space like she did yesterday? I catch myself thinking that I did actually hope it would happen. I stretch my arm to the other handle: if she were there, at that point I would have been able to touch her. I would’ve pulled one of her sleeves to make her turn around, and at that point I would’ve smiled. And she would’ve probably smiled back, maybe winking like she did yesterday. At that point I would’ve asked her name, because it was the thing I desired to know the most. Giving a name to that sharp face would’ve probably made her more human, and finding out that she was in fact a normal person could have ended my obsession over her. I’m not usually like that, and it bothers me. I must end this situation already, and if I can’t do it myself, my job will do it for me. Getting distracted and focusing on what I’m doing could certainly cancel the immovable picture of her from my eyes. I shrug and enter my room.

•••

I find Max under the porch of the hotel 15 minutes after we parted, impeccably punctual, in a heavy black leather jacket and tight smoke gray jeans, with a shoulder bag in the same neutral colors. He looks almost like a ghost, his outfit doesn’t really add some color to his pale complexion. Not that I can claim to be particularly tan, but at least I look like blood is running under my skin. Maybe too much, considering how easily I blush. In the end we’re just two guys from the Midwest, who’ve grown up with cold winters, which were warmed a little by the closeness of the Great Lakes, and summers that couldn’t even barely compete with the ones in Florida. At least we’re already prepared for the not so mild temperatures of Boston. I drag my suitcase and get into the taxi, with the bag by my feet. I much rather have my things near me, especially if they’re fragile.

“So, Bri, are you ready for your first day of work?” Max asks me enthusiastically. “I still can’t believe that I’ve left Milwaukee, I guess it’s gonna take me some time to get used to it” “I felt the same when I left for San Diego, but the environment there it completely different to the one at home. The thing that I didn’t miss at all was the weather, you have no idea of how hot it was! But it’s not a totally positive thing, you know? Winter toughens people. It makes you have a taste of misery. It makes you stronger, it wipes away everything ephemeral and superficial you have. It reminds you that life isn’t always all peaches and dandelions. If you don’t spend at least four months a year fighting against cold and ice you lose your humanity and humility. That’s why Californians are what they are.” I laugh at the thought of those valley girls, spoiled and snob, and suddenly everything makes sense: those who don’t have a real perception of winter surely don’t have the right priorities. “I’ll do an impression of the valley girls sometimes, so you’ll feel like you are still there.” “I’m not sure if I particularly care, but thanks for the offer, we’ll let you know” answers Max. What an asshole. I give him a nudge, searching through my pockets for my phone: “I don’t even know why I’m doing it, but add yourself to the phone-book. I’ve lost all of the contacts when I changed my phone”. He grabs it and begins to digit. “Let me guess, you didn’t do a backup, did you? As always, a leopard can’t change its spots” he says giggling, while giving my iPhone back. “Here you are, Bri. I sent myself a message so I know it’s you and not some sex maniac. Even though there isn’t much difference but… whatever. You’re the good old, Bri. Just, don’t call me in the middle of the night ‘cause you’ve heard some steps in the hallway. I have no intention of coming to save you from some weirdo with an axe.” “Get an update, Malanaphy. Haven’t you watched the fifth season of American Horror Story? Of course not, you’re old inside. Those classic rippers don’t exist anymore. We have upgraded to Lady Gaga. Inform yourself.” Max’s face shrinks, quickly stung, and crosses his arms abandoning himself on the seat: he’s always been pretty dramatic, and if this can be a strength in acting, it makes it difficult to deal with him in the everyday life. But I’ve known him for so long… The first time I saw Max, I remember I was almost completely overwhelmed by his charisma and charm. A couple of years younger than me, and he was already so talented. I remember that he had brought a monologue written by him for the audition of the theater club, and the other leaders and I were a bit skeptical. But Mr. Kennedy had so strongly recommended him to us that we had to give him a chance. I can’t remember the exact words of his monologue, but the last sentence will stick forever within me: “I am Max, a rising star”. Needless to say, we had immediately added him to the cast, and we were sure that Jaydinn, the only female member of the council, was already on the hook for him. Poor girl… Anyway, Max turned out to be an utterly valuable member of our club. He began immediately to engage actively in the meetings of the club and often taking charge for tasks that he didn’t have to do. He revised the scripts, renewed the scenographies, looked for new materials for the costumes rummaging through the scraps in his parents’ fabrics shop. And since I played but also took care of the aesthetic side of the plays, I couldn’t have been happier. Since we were also in the same dormitory, Max and I became good friends, even though our personalities were, apparently, completely opposite (since I’m really sarcastic and physical, whereas he’s pretty serious and aloof). Not to say the crying and tears when it came time for me to go back to Milwaukee, it was quite tremendous and keeping in touch was difficult. Especially for his damned repulsion for social networks, once I lost all the numbers in the address book, it was impossible for me to track him down. But now here we are, in the same taxi, headed to the same place of work. I can hardly believe it, destiny has separated us and then brought us together. True friendships remain even after years, and between us it seems to not have passed a single day. I smile and give him a pat on the long, slender leg: “It’s nice to have you back with me, Max”.

•••

The taxi drops us in front of the entrance to the theater, and my feet make no noise thanks to soft red carpet that stretches from the glass doors until the end of the sidewalk. Above me stands the Paramount sign in neon, and a second one stretches vertically for the whole length of the building right above the programming. Max has already been here for at least a week now, so he walks briskly to the box office. He rummages in his pocket and pulls out a badge with his name and a photo in which he appears even more spirited than usual, showing it to the uniformed guard. She approaches us with a suspicious frown, and I feel a little intimidated: this woman is as big as a wardrobe. If she wanted, she could pick me up and toss me like a sock. Her dark skin, perfectly smooth, contrasts against the white shirt, and her long black hair is collected in a bun at the base of her head. “I am Brian Firkus” I introduce myself, shaking hands with this impressive woman, Latrice Royale - as I read from her name tag - “From Wadley Management. It’s my first day, so I don’t have a badge”. “Without one you don’t get to enter, kid” she says firmly “Who do you think you’re messing with?” “He’s with me!” Max tries to step forward, but Latrice seems adamant. “You want me to carry you away from here?” I’m seriously considering taking the phone and calling the agency when a shrill voice pronounces my name: “Firkus! You finally arrived, I was wishing you were here, halleloo”. I turn to the voice, which undoubtedly belongs to the unmistakable Shangela Laquifa Wadley, thirty-four, five feet eight of exuberance that exceeds only to the volume of her hairstyle. My benefactor, my scout, my boss. She comes up to me with a dazzling smile, the perfect contrast to her intense complexion, high heels that allow her to kiss me two or three times on the cheeks without having to lean over. To get to Max’s face though, she needs to get up a bit on her tiptoes and complains, scolding him for his exaggerated height. “Latriiiice!” she warbles, addressing the security guard, “Don’t treat the boys so badly. Firkus has just arrived, that way you scare him. Look, I need him, huh?!” “Of course, Miss Wadley.” “Shangela, Latrice! Call me Shangela! Or Shangie. Shangie is better, but only because it’s you. What would I do without you, Latrice?” “You wouldn’t do, Miss Shangie!” That sentence sounds terribly comic pronounced by the deep voice of Latrice, and I have to hold back a laugh. I see Max impassive, instead, as always. That boy becomes marble when it comes to having to do with work. Shangela finally turns to me: “Welcome to Boston, Brian Firkus! And good first day here in the studios. How about we take a tour? I’ll show you the place from top to bottom, and try to memorize it well because I’ll not explain it again. At best I’ll send Ben to save you. Or Malanaphy, now that he’s an expert”. With the corner of my eye I see a smirk make its way on the face of my friend, and I can’t help but think about how much he loves to be complimented. “Come, follow me! It will take a while and we don’t have all day, remember that I pay you!” she concludes jokingly. Latrice returns to her place after having cast one last suspicious look, and I follow Shangela while she makes her way inside the theater. I cling to my dark green parka and promptly grab the handle of my suitcase to follow her, while Max greets me with his hand and turns left, probably directed to his dressing room. Shangela, meanwhile, has unsheathed her cell phone and has started to mumble something, proceeding briskly in the corridor that leads to the audience. The shrill voice of Shangela ending the phone call with a resounding “He better be there, halleloo!” brings my attention back on her. “Forgive me, Firkus,” she says, gesturing broadly as she speaks, “But I am so, so busy! It’s hard to be a woman in the theater world, when you are not one of those overvalued starlets but you’re holding up a company of the caliber of mine!” she points out with a hint of pride. “I don’t doubt it, Miss Shangela! And I will always be grateful to you. You gave me an opportunity that truly happens once in a lifetime. Thank you.” She turns to me with a big smile, slightly raising her shoulders: “It’s not my fault if you have a huge talent, dear Brian. It’s not your fault that I have incredible eye for this kind of things. You came to me like a godsend. When Mikkelsen told me he had to take this pause for paternity I was happy, but at the same time terribly in trouble. But I couldn’t say no! That was too important” she tells me, getting closer to two sliding doors made of wood inlaid in gold. “Behind these lies the theater that we are fortunate to occupy while we are here, the Paramount Theater of Boston!” While talking, she opens the door and pulls the heavy red velvet curtains, waving me to enter. I move a few steps toward the audience, and I find myself immersed in a spectacular and gigantic room, right next to the big stage in black wood. To my right lies the stretch of golden chairs and looking up I see the gallery, divided by the sides in balconies. Shangela walks with a steady step in the center of the room and spreads her arms, as if to say: do you like it? I am genuinely impressed by the grandeur of this theater, I can almost hear the applause from the audience. From where I stand I can see the scenographies behind the scenes, and they seem incredibly realistic: I see a glass and metal tub, the tower of a castle, and one that seems the silhouette of a sidecar. “It’s simply extraordinary, Miss Shangela. Really! I’m thrilled just by standing here.” I see her swelling with pride before turning around and keep on walking, climbing on stage despite the suit and heels. She advances further in the theater, and I reluctantly have to leave this magical place. But just for now, I remind myself, as I follow Shangela behind the scenes. Even if I don’t have a role in the play I will still spend hours in this hall, and the idea doesn’t bug me at all.

“Firkus, are you there?” asks Shangela snapping her fingers in front of my face, “Listen to me carefully. This”, and indicates the door behind her, “is my office. If I am not around, I am here to fill out paperwork and making phone calls, therefore remember it if you needed anything”. I roll my eyes, since it is virtually impossible to forget it, due to the presence of a visible plate of Wadley Management by the door. Shangela in the meantime has already rocketed forward, directed elsewhere: I have a feeling that it’s really going to be a long tour.

•••

“And we’re back at the entrance. You understood everything, right?” Shangela asks. I nod exhausted: we basically sifted this place from top to bottom, seeing every closet, every dressing room, the dining area and the bathrooms. It’s not a small theater, definitely, and going around it in length and width tested me both mentally and physically. But it’s time to have lunch, and Shangela says her goodbyes in a hurry, urging me to rejoin Max and the rest of the actors to make some acquaintances. After all, we have to work together closely for the next few weeks of touring. Luckily for me I have an infiltrate (Max, to be precise) among their files, so making friends should be even easier. But I feel equally nervous, because even if I don’t fancy those people, I’d still have to spend with them the most important part of my life. Yeah, I feel that this time spent here in Boston will prove to be crucial for me. I should think about my career, how it could take off or crash hopelessly to the ground, but in my mind peeps the woman of the 1582. Go away, stop nagging me! I tell her, and her image disappears from my eyes. I snort frustrated and walk briskly towards the bar, sure that by knowing new people I can completely get her off my head. After all, it’s just a normal girl. I try to convince myself, but I already know that kidding myself has never worked and will not work this time either. Trying not to get confused between pull and push, I open the door to the bar to find Max sitting at a table at the end of the room. He is intent on chatting animatedly with a group of people, and it’s strange for him who is usually super quiet. As soon as he sees me he whispers something like “There he is finally!” And gets up to meet me. I feel his hand on my shoulder leaning and pushing me towards the others: I am soon with six pairs of eyes focused on me, and I feel my ears blushing furiously. It’s still hard for me to be judged directly by others. When I was on stage, the front lights were so dazzling that I could not see the faces of the spectators. And anyway, you play a character on stage. It’s not, after all, your own identity, your own person, which the audience finds pleasant or not, but an alter-ego that magically disappears when the curtain comes down. However, here in front of my future colleagues, there’s just me. But no one turns up their nose and I don’t see a flash of malice in their eyes, just relaxed faces and broad smiles. “You must be Brian, right?” Asks a girl with long black hair, incredibly smooth and shiny. He has full lips, so swollen that they seem in a perpetual capricious pout. “Yeah, Brian Firkus. Milwaukee. Nice to meet you…?” “Adore Delano. My pleasure!” She says, getting up just to shake hands with ease. She is rather tall and reaches me effortlessly, then sit back down gracefully adjusting her shirt knotted at the hips. “You’re, like, part of the crew, right? You adjust the lights or something, right?” Asks a man in his thirties, who tiredly adjusts his thin framed glasses. “Actually, I am…” “My love, he is Kurtis’ alternate! How come you never pay attention when people talk? Max explained it like, five minutes ago!” Says a beautiful blonde woman that just seems a few years older than him, and I cannot help but notice her strong Australian accent. “I’m Courtney. This is my husband Willam, although I am seriously considering the idea of getting rid of him and going back to Sydney, where I’d rather marry a caiman than finding another man like him!”, she giggles delightfully, giving a slight nudge on Willam’s side. Another boy, with a pale complexion much as that of Max and a light blond tuft, comments acidly: “How can you stay with him, Court? He’s too self-involved to pay attention to anything else. I bet you fuck in front of a mirror, so that he gets excited in some way”. Adore and the olive-skinned boy sitting next to her began to laugh out loud to the - not that good - joke, and I see that even Courtney is grinning under her breath. Willam rolls his eyes, and the blonde boy turns back to me: “I’m Aaron, it’s a pleasure” and makes a lopsided grin. Then he goes back to his threatening stare, looking occasionally at Willam to try to trigger a reaction. The guy next to Adore, who’s well-placed, Hispanic and really nice, introduces himself: “Michael, nice to meet you” and I hear a hint of Puerto Rican accent in his voice. “Why don’t you sit? Dan, make some room for him” says Adore, addressing a guy sitting across the table clearly busy with his phone. Dan doesn’t even look up from the screen: “O-Okay… give me three seconds,” he mutters, then grabs a chair with his long, muscular arm, and drags it casually towards the table. I start to sit down, and only at this point he pays attention to me, “Daniel, hello”. I shake his hand almost in awe for I notice how shamelessly attractive he is. He definitely plays Rocky, seen his statuesque physique, he’ll certainly wear a wig to cover his brown hair. And who’s gonna prepare that wig? Obviously, I am. And I’ll put all the effort I am capable of to make it impossible to recognize, worthy to stand on the head of this guy. After all, it’s my job. I live and breathe for it. “You look confused, what’s wrong?” asks Courtney. “No, nothing. I was just wondering what roles you play, that’s all.” “I play Janet, Will plays Brad. Aren’t we perfect?” She chirps, clutching her husband’s arm. Aaron intervenes: “I play the Doctor, and I don’t burst with joy at the thought of having to do these two. But, hey, it’s work, right?” “They pay you a lot for this Ron, so don’t complain,” Adore replies, adding: “I am Magenta!” “Really?” She looks confused: “Yeah, why?” “You don’t give me the idea of someone as grotesque as Magenta.” “Is this your way of telling me I’m cute?” she asks, lowering her eyebrows and giving me an accomplice glare. “Yes, you are a great chick Adore, are you happy?”, says Max, intervening for the first time in the conversation. She makes a face of mock offense, and then giggles while putting her head on Michael’s shoulder, who’s reading something on his cellphone. He passes a hand through his dark blond hair, saying: “This nice guy here is Eddie, right, my darling?” He nods, rubbing his forehead against Adore and giving her a light kiss on her temple, then going back to his reading. “I play Riff Raff but you, already know. Then you’re only missing Jinkx that plays Columbia, but I have no idea where she went. She’s been gone for something like half an hour, actually.” “Oh, she went to sleep!” says Adore. “What did you say her name is? Jinkx?” I ask confused. What the heck of name is that? I feel Willam laugh: “It’s not her real name. We named her that.” “What for?“ “For her resemblance to the pokémon” Michael responds candidly. “I don’t know if I should be happy for her, frankly.” “Look at the bright side, it gives her an advantage to play Columbia!” exclaims Adore. Max nods: “I can assure you she is just like her. Besides, she has a beautiful voice”. We remain silent for a few seconds, then Aaron clears his throat: “So you are Kurtis’ alternate… I hope you’re as good as him”. “Aaron!” Exclaim Adore and Courtney simultaneously. “Mh? I only said that I hope he will be as good as him. No tea, no shade.” “What did he say?” “It means something like no malice, but… understand honey?” This starts a spat that I’m not able to follow, and I get lost in my thoughts. It is at this point that my phone rings, and the last name in the world that I would’ve expected appears on the screen. “Hello? Are you there, mom?”

[auburnfamilynews]

Joe Maiorana-USA TODAY Sports

What do we really know about non-Auburn football?

We’re already a third of the way through the regular season, and soon it’ll be slipping into November (and the weather will still be hot). Which among us will also be hot? Who knows!

***IF YOU’D LIKE TO ADD YOUR OWN PICKS, COMMENT BELOW WITH YOUR SCORE PREDICTIONS FOR EACH GAME AND RYAN STERRITT WILL TRACK THEM***

Notre Dame (-13) vs Virginia (O/U 48)

Notre Dame is going to take out some frustration on a good(?) Virginia team, but I’m not sure that necessarily means an offensive explosion. Virginia’s offense is baddddd though, so this may be more of a “smother you with a pillow” style win for the Irish. 27-7 Domers. - Ryan Sterritt

Virginia never deserves success in anything ever again, including against Notre Dame, who I think may have won a moral victory last weekend by possibly exposing a coach in Athens who might just have an issue or two with executing at a high level in big games. Notre Dame 27 Virginia 21 - Josh Black

Well Notre Dame, you ALMOST made me look like a genius last week. The Irish come home and face an undefeated Virginia team. The Cavaliers have narrow wins over the likes of Florida State and Old Dominion as they head to South Bend. I think the Irish will bounce back at home Saturday. Notre Dame 28 Virginia 20 - Will McLaughlin

Notre Dame now has something to prove to the world. I don’t think they’ll take the foot off the gas in this one, or any of their remaining games. They need to put themselves back in the conversation. Notre Dame 38, Virginia 14 - Josh Dub

If Notre Dame wins, maybe jack won’t make us pick any more of their stupid games im not going to watch. Our Lady of Embarrassing Irish Losses, pray for us. Hoos 21 Irish 20. - Son of Crow

Notre Dame played MUCH better than I was expecting and I think are a legitimate top 10 team. But how funny would it be if after that big time matchup where UGA had to begrudgingly admit that maybe ND wasn’t such a pushover if they then got beat by UVA? But UVA doesn’t deserve nice things due to their phony bball title. The Fighting Irish bounce back big. ND 35 UVA 17 - AU Nerd

The Golden Domers showed me something last week. They kept it close against Georgia...that is pretty much it. What I got on offense, I expected, but the defense really impressed me. Either that or Georgia had and off night. The Hoos on the other hand have beaten FSU...so they beat a JV squad. I am pretty sure ND will win but that’s a large cover against a good? team on the road. Virginia and the points and the under. ND 23-14 - Drew Mac

Notre Dame had a solid gameplan against Georgia’s offense, but they couldn’t get anything consistent on offense except for going to their TE. I think UVa got caught eating a LetDown Lookahead sandwich last week against Old Dominion. ND does enough to win at home, but I think UVA keeps it close. Irish 24, School for which Ty Jerome double dribbled 17 (ND wins, UVA covers, UNDER) - James Jones

I know there’s nothing connecting the two, but I really hope that Kyle Guy and his long gums/tiny teeth get to enjoy an epic whipping at the hands of Notre Dame. He apparently writes for the UVA SB Nation site, so write about this one, and tell your double dribble buddy Ty Jerome all about it. Irish 35, Cavaliers 10 - Jack Condon

Washington (-9.5) vs USC (O/U 59)

Washington is a lot better team than they’re going to get credit for after that dumb Cal loss, and despite beating Utah last week, I can’t get on board with the third string quarterback leading the Trojans to another win over a ranked team on the road. It’ll be up to the USC ground game to take advantage of a weaker-than-usual Washington defensive line, but I’m going to take the Huskies here. 30-20 UW. - Ryan Sterritt

Jacob Eason wanted a more refined version of a dog. One who wasn’t bred down to sitting on top of ice as “work”. No he realized he needed to associate himself with a breed that was tough, graceful, and reliable. Shoutout to Jacob Eason, for without him, Georgia may never have gotten their hopes up only to be ripped out against Tennessee in 2016. Without him transferring, maybe Justin Fields doesn’t come to Georgia. Without Justin Fields coming to Georgia, maybe Kirby decides to recruit another star quarterback before and during the 2018 season. And because of neglecting to do so, because you know, Justin Fields is a generational talent, Georgia now has no backup quarterback if Jake Fromm were to catch a horrible case of diarrhea. Also Washington is much better than USC and should win this game. Washington 38 USC 28 - Josh Black

Both of these teams played in Provo against BYU the last 2 weekends. The Huskies rolled while the Trojans lost in Overtime. I think Washington would be undefeated if it weren’t the bizarreness of Pac-12 WAYYYYY After Dark against Cal. I like the Huskies in this one. Washington 31 USC 23 - Will McLaughlin

The PAC-12 is a mystery. Chris Peterson is reliable, though. Well, more reliable than anyone else over there. Washington 42, USC 21 - Josh Dub

Guys I think USC might have it figured out, or at least well enough for the lousy pac 12. That said, Washington is looking better than the Trojans by a wide margin and the dream of Dwag transfers making the playoffs without the Dwags hinges on this game. Washington 35 SC 24 - Son of Crow

It would be a very on brand thing for the PAC-12 if USC were to win this game. They’ve performed better than anyone thought especially given injuries at QB position. But the Huskies first loss came under some wild circumstances so unless the Trojans can get some weather delays I think Eason and company get it done. Huskies 31 Trojans 23 - AU Nerd

Now this is an interesting matchup, and sadly it won’t be on Pac-12 After Dark. Both teams are 3-1 and coming off of nice road wins last week. USC is much better than people want to give them credit for while Washington always seems to have one or two ‘huh’ losses in them. They already got one out of the way a few weeks back to Cal and they play Stanford next week on Pac-12 After Dark. There’s your other loss so they win this one but won’t cover. USC and the points, take the under. Washington 27-21 - Drew Mac

Graham Harrell deserves a lot of credit for keeping the offensive game plan the same with Fink after Slovis went down. What I don’t like is a QB that made some really poor decisions in the second half making his first road start. Washington will be ready for this one. I think you almost have to throw the Cal game completely out for betting purposes. There were so many obstacles in that game that I’m not taking it into account. I think Eason is coming into his own. I may have to create a vested interest in this one. Washington 38, USC 17 (UW covers, UNDER) - James Jones

It’s fun when national powers turn back into pedestrian clubs. People would have killed to see USC end up as a struggling mid-level program a decade ago, and most never thought the Trojans would fall to that point. People now think that Bama won’t ever drop to mediocrity again. It’ll happen. USC, however, is on the way back up, and I don’t have anything to base this on except that I don’t really think Washington is all that tough. Trojans 33, Washington 30 - Jack Condon

Nebraska vs Ohio State (-17.5) (O/U 66.5)

Let’s see... Nebraska struggled with USA, lost to Colorado, and barely beat Illinois despite nearly doubling them up in yards. Meanwhile, Ohio State has been murdering bad teams by an average of 54-9. Nebraska will be the best team the Buckeyes will have faced, and it *might* be the first time the starters play the fourth quarter. Buckeyes 48-20. - Ryan Sterritt

Justin Fields just wanted to be at a program that’s won a national title in the past 38 years. Shoutout to Justin Fields. No shame in wanting to be involved with a winner who knows how to finish. You know what’s impressed me most about Ohio State? They’ve managed to find ways to use Justin Fields to their advantage beyond fake punts. I mean, that’s really hard to do. Finding a role for a guy who was considered neck and neck with Trevor Lawrence for the best HS QB in a decade by doing more than running out with the punt team is really a testament to the creativity of the Ohio State coaching staff. Ohio State 48 Nebraska 17 - Josh Black

All you need to know about how bleh this weekend of games is that College Gameday picked THIS game to go to this week. Buckeyes roll. Ohio State 48 Nebraska 14 - Will McLaughlin

Ohio State cruises towards a big October 26 matchup against Wisconsin. (related – the gameday slate of Ohio State/Wisconsin at 11 AM followed by Auburn/LSU at 2:30 may have some serious playoff implications). Ohio State 52, Nebraska 17 - Josh Dub

I don’t think Ohio state feels a speed bump during this game. The Buckeye offense is dynamic and Justin Fields is a generational talent who was called racial slurs by Georgia fans. While he was on their team. Because Georgia. During this game look for there to be more shots of Scott Frost looking completely lost than shots of Nebraska celebrating first downs. Bucks 48 N 20 - Son of Crow

You know who I think is the scariest team in the country right now? It’s not Dabo’s Tigers, it’s not Ed O’s Tigers, it’s not Saban’s high flying offense, it’s not UGA’s boring ass team & it’s not Hurts’ led Oklahoma. It’s the Buckeyes of Ohio State. Justin Fields was a legitimate challenger for the top spot in the same class as Trevor Lawrence. The fact he decided to go to UGA is still one of the more bizarre decisions I’ve seen but now he’s at a program that will make full use of his skillset. This team also has a ferocious defense lead by arguably the best pass rusher in the country. They are flying under the radar right now due to an unimpressive schedule and the jaw dropping offensive numbers Bama, LSU & OK are putting up right now. But for my pretend expert opinion, Buckeyes are the team to be feared the most right now. There may be some hiccups early but OSU rolls. OSU 45 NEB 20 - AU Nerd

One of my favorite, personal things is to watch Nebraska and wonder when the realization that the Scott Frost system isn’t going to work at Nebraska and then the second realization that they are just an average program in today’s college football will truly set in. It obviously hasn’t yet but I think Ohio State will do all they can to bash them over the head with it this week as they welcome the Huskers to the Shoe. Ohio State and the over. OSU 52-17 - Drew Mac

Ohio State has been in the old “Bama minus anything” zone so far this year. Which of course means that I’m finally looking at making an investment in them, and therefore they’ll struggle with the Huskers. Nebraska rolled up a ton of yards on Illinois last week, but they made too many mistakes. I’m wary of the yearly “Ohio State craps its pants on the road on national TV” game, but I don’t think it’s this week. Ohio State 45, Nebraska 21 (OSU covers, UNDER by the hook) - James Jones

Ever since Scott Frost shot that kid in Breaking Bad, he’s had it coming. Justin Fields is about to Jesse Pinkman this dude and roll up about 400 yards and 5 touchdowns. Buckeyes 40, Huskers 17 - Jack Condon

South Carolina (-2.5) vs Kentucky (O/U 50.5)

Do we have an Anxiety Bowl here? If the Gamecocks drop this one, they’ll fall to 1-4, and will be lucky to get to 3-9 after that. Muschamp is gone in that scenario. Meanwhile, if the underdog Wildcats lose, Mark Stoops will have lost all good will from last season as Kentucky will be sitting at 2-3. Luckily, Kentucky still has likely wins over Arkansas, Tennessee, Vandy, UT Martin, and Louisville on the schedule, but losing to South Carolina would not be a good sign that Kentucky could handle those other games without faltering either. I don’t know, I guess I’m picking Kentucky? No way they hit that over. 23-15 blue team. - Ryan Sterritt

Neither one of these programs have much in the way of success in football historically. Take South Carolina for example. The last major thing South Carolina did was produce a Heisman Trophy winner in 1980. NINETEEN EIGHTY! That was THIRTY-NINE years ago. Most of you reading this probably weren’t even alive back in those days! How could any program that had their last major national success happen during the waning days of the Carter administration ever take themselves seriously? Can’t relate, but man that must be tough. 1980. 39 years ago. And maybe, just maybe, the best a program residing in the SEC East may have just peaked in 1980. You hate to see it. Kentucky 21 South Carolina 20 - Josh Black

I’m not really sure what to think of this game. It looks like Sawyer Smith will play for Kentucky and the Gamecocks have GOT to win this game or things could get really ugly. I don’t trust picking South Carolina since they screwed me in the Survivor Pool Week 1 so give the Wildcats! Kentucky 24 South Carolina 21 - Will McLaughlin

Talk about two schools needing a win. Both of these programs are desperate for some kind of success right about now. South Carolina and Will Muschamp are sitting at 1-3 and folks, the future does not look bright. They need a win or two to help justify a crazy buyout situation for Muschamp. I’m looking at their schedule…welp, Will Muschamp is going to get retained after going 2-10 because they don’t want to fork out $22 Million. Meanwhile, Kentucky nearly beats Florida then gets destroyed by Mississippi State? I think Kentucky is the only one of these programs that can put together a winning gameplan. Kentucky 28, South Carolina 17 - Josh Dub

I need Kentucky to win and I’ll tell you why: we need SCAR to look so bad that no one could possibly think they could upset one of the better teams left on their schedule. That’s when muschamp strikes and keeps his crummy job. This game is going to stink. Kentucky 21 Scar 13 - Son of Crow

The desperation bowl. Both of these programs needs this win in the worst way. Both are dealing with injuries at the QB position. I honestly thought the Kats would put up a bigger fight on the road against State. SCAR was pretty sad themselves in Columbia, MO. Winner of this game might be able to get off the mat and have an ok season with the terribleness of the East. Loser is fighting for bowl eligibility. Think it’s an ugly one but with it being at home the Cocks’ freshman QB does enough. Muschamp 23 UK 16 - AU Nerd

Woof. I went out on a limb for you last week Kentucky and you give me nothing! Frustrating. Oh well. Now the TurfCats return home to take on a reeling Carolina team in the battle of the second string QBs. No true breakdown here as this will not be a pretty ballgame but since the Cats are at home, as I guess they will be the least loser. Kentucky on the ML and the under. Cats 24-20 - Drew Mac

Gross. If Kentucky was at home, they’d be a no-brainer. To be honest, having the line here means Vegas thinks it’s a toss-up on a neutral field. I don’t know that I agree with that. I think Helinski plays well enough to keep SC in it, but I’m going to lean towards UK getting it done. Holding my nose either way. Gambling wise this is a total stay-away. Kentucky 24, South Carolina 21 (Kentucky wins outright, UNDER) - James Jones

FEEL OLD YET? pic.twitter.com/KIenYSLTte

— Karen Howell (@karenehowell) September 27, 2019

Muschamp’s gonna have plenty of time to open up the budding singing career when he ends up getting canned after this season. Boom will be Summertime Lover when he gets to chill on his boat for a season. Then he’ll return to Auburn for round three running the defense once Kevin Steele finally retires. Kentucky 23, Gamecocks 21 - Jack Condon

from College and Magnolia - All Posts https://www.collegeandmagnolia.com/2019/9/27/20886401/staff-picks-college-football-week-5

[junker-town]

The Top Whatever: Mississippi State made exciting, new LSU look like sad, old LSU

Ranking only the teams that really deserve to be ranked right now. If you’re looking for the polls, those are over here.

1. Clemson

Destroyed Louisville, 47-21. Let’s go through some comparisons that might or might not work here and see where it goes. The 2017 Clemson Tigers just walloped Louisville by a much larger margin than the national title-winning 2016 team did, and did it on the road. That’s impressive, especially when you consider how well Clemson was able to run the ball on Louisville (297 yards on the night!), and how consistently the Tigers’ mean-ass defensive line harassed Lamar Jackson.

Then again — just to tamp down too much optimism here — Louisville’s weaknesses are pretty consistent, too, and might have gotten worse for 2017. The defense is porous, the offensive line incapable of standing up to pressure, and if you can limit Jackson even a little, the Cardinals have few other options.

Clemson is really good, and in two straight games, has been bad for this particular Louisville team. Cautious optimism is fine, Clemson; I’m just preparing you for the inevitable “how is this team struggling against Wake Forest when we demolished Louisville” moment in October, because something stupid like that inevitably happens. (And yeah, usually involving Wake Forest.)

2. Oklahoma

Light work on the elliptical and some stretching in a 56-14 recovery-day win over Tulane. Maybe listened to a podcast and thought about what to buy at the grocery store for the week during the game, too. I dunno, just keeping it chill and easy.

3. Alabama

Sort of loitered through a 41-23 win over Colorado State, a Mountain West opponent who nearly put up 400 yards of offense on the Tide defense in Tuscaloosa. This gives something Nick Saban can be THEATRICALLY AGGRIEVED AT, which will drive A TOUGH WEEK OF PRACTICE, which will give Alabama SOMETHING TO SHOW THE HATERS NEXT SATURDAY.

It’s almost like Colorado State had the game pla—

—oh my god, Nick Saban really did this, knowing Colorado State could only be so competitive, even if it knew what was coming, thus convincing Alabama that it needed to improve after a sloppy performance.

There are master motivators, and then there is Nick Saban.

4. USC

The Trojans nearly suffered a transitive loss to Maryland, after letting Texas take them to overtime, but stripped the ball from Longhorns freshman QB Sam Ehlinger in the second OT to win, 27-24.

According to anyone who watched this game on Twitter, USC quarterback Sam Darnold sucks until he doesn’t, at which point he turns into somewhere from very good to incredible. I was in the Coliseum; Sam Darnold looked like a very good quarterback playing without much support from his run game, working against a inspired defense that ran out of gas somewhere in the start of the fourth quarter. The last drive in regulation to set up a field goal was surgical, as were the throws he made in OT to put USC on top. If that’s when your quarterback is really brilliant, you’ll generally be just fine.

In summary: stop NFL Draft Expert-ing in real time. Just stop. It’s not my job or your job, probably, and it demeans the whole story of how well Texas played and how brilliantly USC responded late to win. While we’re at it, leave poor Josh Allen alone. He plays for a team that has more elk than people in it. You go try finding a left tackle in that state who won’t get you killed against Oregon.

5. Oklahoma State

Could have scored a hundred on Pitt, but pulled up and decided to keep the rout to a respectable 59-21. That part about Louisville being a great matchup for Clemson, and Clemson being a really bad matchup for Louisville? Pitt’s defense is a great matchup for anyone right now, because the Pitt defense is every video of every fireworks factory explosion ever featured on Destroyed in Seconds. Oklahoma State really did just decide to stop scoring and take Mason Rudolph out in the third quarter.

Oklahoma State had four different receivers go over 100 yards on the day. Do not look at them without blast goggles, or put a cornerback without three years starting experience and a taser on wide receiver James Washington. That cornerback will die.

6. Mississippi State

Just blindsided LSU, 37-7, dominated every phase of the game, and yeah, we’re here. It’s Week 3, and Dan Mullen’s 20-year plan to conquer the SEC has passed the “frequently capable of thumping LSU” stage of things. The most shocking element: How Miss State’s defense made the new-look LSU offense look a lot like a bad, old, Les Miles offense on paper.

7. Wisconsin

Fat Kid sat on BYU in a 40-6 controlled demolition in Provo. Let’s check the Pizza of Time to see if Wisconsin did the Wisconsin thing.

YOU GOTTA EAT YOUR SLICES FASTER, BYU

Oh, BYU. You let Fat Kid eat most of the pizza, and that’s one strong indicator that Wisconsin got to do Wisconsin-type offensive things against you.

P.S. BYU’s offense in 2017, metaphorically speaking, is the guy in a competitive eating contest who eats two hot dogs and projectile vomits in every direction for an hour afterwards.

8. Michigan

Eh, nothing too new in a 29-13 win over Air Force at home. QB Wilton Speight and the rest of the offense is sort of struggling to finish drives, the defense is nasty and had its hands full with a super-disciplined triple-option team, and the Wolverines are a work in progress that is an undefeated work in progress. Please pardon their mess.

9. Oregon

49-13 flattening of poor Wyoming in Eugene. The usual, predictable deluge of points and yardage against a hopelessly overmatched opponent, but! Oregon plays Arizona State next week, so it’ll be worse next time! Arizona State’s defense just gave up 615 yards to Texas Tech and is a rolling debacle in 11 sets of color-coordinated cleats.

10. Penn State

Beat down Georgia State, 56-0. James Franklin continued his Revenge 2017 Tour by icing Georgia State’s kicker in order to line up his special teamers when Penn State was, yes, up by 56 points. James Franklin is 2017’s Coach Most Likely To Have A Simmering But Somehow Non-Fatal Case of Rabies.

11. Georgia

Shuffled FCS Samford through a 42-14 processing in Athens. 2017 Georgia’s really making hay off beating overpriced private schools, aren’t they?

OTHER UNDEFEATED TEAMS WE HAVE TO CONSIDER BUT WHO HAVE VERY TERRIFYING THINGS ABOUT THEM WE CANNOT SHAKE, EACH LISTED WITH THAT THING

Washington. Embarrassed a struggling Fresno State, 48-16, but [still shuddering thinking about how Rutgers beat UW up on the line of scrimmage]

TCU. Won the Iron Skillet in a raucous, 56-36 win over SMU, but again: Unclear if beating Arkansas or SMU means a whole lot of anything in 2017. THANK GOD FOR HUGE BUYOUTS, BRET BIELEMA.

Washington State. Beat hapless Oregon State, 52-23, but is Washington State.

Virginia Tech. Hammered East Carolina, 64-17, but did that against East Carolina, a team whose defense is so bad, it’s already fired its defensive coordinator.

Vanderbilt. Slugged out a 14-7 win over Kansas State, but is Vanderbilt.

San Diego State. Upset Stanford 20-17, but the Cardinal might be a Southern Hemisphere-only team this year.

Cal. what—

Kentucky. You see the problem here with Week 3 rankings, right?

TEAMS WITH ONE LOSS YOU SHOULD CONSIDER

None, it’s week three, go chill and think about what you did for a while. (Hi, Ohio State.)

[windycityparrot]

Lets talk sex and how some birds give away their sex by feather color

20% - 25% of parrots are sexually dimorphic meaning you can identify their sex by the color of the bird. Male eclectus are green - females are red. Male Indian ringnecks have the ring females do not. The ring starts to grow in one feather at a time beginning at about 1-1/2 years Adult budgies hens have a cere that is from whitish blue to deep brown in. The most common is a male budgie has a bright blue cere  It may brighten during breeding season, and then fade Sexing lovebirds In the video below we see a lovebird shredding precise strips of paper and then tucking them under her wing. This incarnates it is a female as male lovebirds make confetti with paper https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJIUNNssSVg On the Challenges of Feeding Eclectus Parrots 4/22 - customer I have been informed that Harrison's coarse would be a better diet for my Eclectus than Pretty Bird Species Select. In the past I was told not to feed Parrot food to my Eclectus because of digestive tract differences in Amazons and Eclectus. What do you suggest with your experience with the different foods? Thanks for the help. Jeanne Hello Jeanne Eclectus should not eat food offered to most parrots because they have digestive tracts that are twice as long as other parrots, as such they can absorb too many vitamins which can lead to health and behavior issues. This is not true of Amazons although Amazon parrots are prone to fatty liver disease if on a high fat diet Harrisons High Potency (coarse) would be an acceptable pellet for your bird, NOT the Adult Lifetime Harrisons. We do not carry the Eclectus Pretty Bird Species Select due to availability for us. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmodGrclnlM The Goldenfeast line of bird food that includes a pellet mix called Goldn'Obles as well as seed mixes are NOT vitamin fortified and are all safe for Eclectus.  Zupreem Natural is also considered a safe pellet for Eclectus. Volkman makes a seed blend just for Eclectus, no vitamins added.  I hope this has been good information for you. Thank you  Catherine Yo cat, that was great but took a lot of work. Why don't we just make an Eclectus parrot food category? DONE & DONE! Read more about Eclectus Parrots in this post Eclectus Parrots - Great Family Birds Name: Pam D I have a Cape parrot that loves to get into my potted houseplants or even the garden in summer (tethered of course) and EAT the dirt, I shoo her away, but wonder if this will harm her. Also, she loves the dogs kibbles. I shoo her away from that as well but I've heard dog kibble is bad for their liver. Actually my dogs are given mostly a raw diet and I supplement a little kibble. I have to put her away until they're done or she chases them from their own food :). Thoughts please. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wShfNVQkeY Dear Pam The dirt in your houseplants is more dangerous that the kibble. Please cover the tops of the pots so they cannot eat the dirt. There can be fertilizers and others toxins in the dirt. A bit of dog kibble will not harm your birds. As with everything else, moderation is the key. Consider upping your birds minerals as they may be suffering from PICA  is the persistent eating of substances such as dirt or paint that have no nutritional value., but the may be seeking minerals Humans can have the same affliction Hagen Cal-Clay  can be useful as a mineral supplement Pam replied I’m not too concerned about Holly getting into the plants b/c she only gets into the one pot occasionally and I chase her away so I know she doesn’t get much dirt, but one has to wonder what too much is.  Covering it is another good precaution.  I have asked on my Facebook parrot groups about this but No-one has answered this, so thank-you for your quick response – I also wondered about the mineral issue, but my main concerned has been about other ‘things’ she might ingest –I will look into the supplements. The same is true for the kibble – I always chase her away or am sure to put her in her cage while the dogs eat – again thank-you for answering at all. --Just another reason I love Windy City!! Regards, Pam mitchr sticking his nose in things Kibble is in a lot of bird foods renamed “pellets. This situation begs the question what does your bird have to engage with when out of the cage of it's own? Any bird centric foraging opportunities or toy boxes around the house or garden? Sherry writes Lv Sunday Brunch. Helps a lot. Need help with info for egg laying. Huelo, greenwing Mccaw, laid 2 eggs 3 yrs ago. Now has started laying agsin and nesting. Her avian vet. Says take away right after lays. I read about fake eggs when u know she is hormonal. Well she is hormal all the time. Do u have a suggestion?? Thank u, Sherry C Hi Sherry - Here's what we have found works. Remove the eggs - no fake eggs take any nesting material/sleeping huts out for her cage Keep minimal amounts of food in food dish so she gets the idea there is abundant food to feed babies - no food at night Lock her in her cage for 3 days, put a light on top of it and keep it on for 72 hours which breaks the brooding circadian (oscillation) rhythm. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRGcPa80Y1c Chatting with Guest You: hello how can i help? Visitor: Hello Mitch, need your advice please You: sure what can I help with? Visitor: I just returned home after nearly 2 months at the hospital. My left leg was amputated and I received a liver transplant. Visitor: Doctors urged me to find a new home for my female Jane's McCaw Visitor: Jane's McCaw that is Visitor: Sorry for the typos. Hane's McCaw Visitor: How shall approach this so she ( 4 years old) -will be taken care of Visitor: It hurts me very much to give her away You: By not getting rid of the bird - the doctors are flat out wrong and not knowing anything about birds - the last thing you need is the loss of a pet - hold please I have a post for you Visitor: Ok You: Why doctors should be prescribing birds You: please read - had a similar situation with a cancer patient - Birds are like canaries in coal mines for disease and infection Visitor: Thank you Mitch. Let me read. I will get in touch later. And by the way I love your news, Sunday brunch newsletter. Very well done. You: thank you for the kind words - if need be I can send a video on how to make a hepa air filter for $25 that is as as effective as a $1000 unit - the doctors are worried about dander and feces particulate which can be all but eliminated - as long as you can take care of the ird and maybe have someone clean the cage you should be fine Visitor: Please send the video. Uxxxxx@outlook.com is my email or do you need my mailing address Visitor: The address is in your database Uwe K. You: got it will do - anything else? Visitor: That's it for time being. Thank you so much. I am glad that I found your website 3years ago. Have a great week ahead of you. Uwe You: video should be in your in box https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kH5APw_SLUU&t=70s (same) Sherry wrote: Enjoy ur info. I have a question. Our bird rm is on west side of house. Gets warm in this rm. i have special blinds and blackout curtains. Thermostat in another part of house so doesnt know temp in rm is 77.9. Will get hotter this summer. None of the birds free flight. We put in a ceiling fan to circulate the air. Fan on low. Do i need be concerned about a draft at mite when the door is closed. I cant find info other than safety and window drafts. Thank u Hi Sherry The problem with “drafts” in the summer is that they may lead to over preening becasue of “ruffled feathers” Hope that helps Mitchr I have a cocatoo and 2 parakeets I have noticed a lot of moths flying around the house. I have noticed a weevil that looks like a maggot on the wall.Can you tell me bug spray that can use that won't kill my birds. Thank you Lu Email: fanxxxxxxx@xxx.com Name: Lulabelle L Dear Lulabelle Moth Traps will take care of the moths and larvae   Poop Off For complete heavy cleaning Pet Focus is most complete veterinary quality disinfectant. Effective against over 50 pathogens including viruses, fungi, and bacteria.  I hope this helps. curated by mitch rezman approved by catherine tobsing your zygodactyl footnote Click to Post