#USAF Ravens

[casbooks]

Books of 2023

Book 18 of 2023

Title: Meeting Steve Canyon: ...And Flying With the CIA in Laos Authors: Karl L. Polifka ISBN: 9781490979854 Tags: A-1 Skyraider, A-37 Dragonfly, AC-119K Stinger, AUS Australia, AUS RAAF No 35 Sqd - Wallaby, AUS RAAF Royal Australian Air Force, AUS Sydney, B-57 Canberra, Boeing 707, C-7 Caribou, CHN China, CHN Hong Kong, CHN Kowloon, EC-121 Warning Star, EC-130 Commando Solo, F-100 Super Sabre, F-105 Thunderchief, F-4 Phantom II, FAC, Fast-FAC, FRA France, FRA SDECE GCMA Mixed Airborne Commando Group, FRA SDECE Service de Documentation Extérieure et de Contre-Espionnage, HH-53 Jolly Greens, HKG Hong Kong, LAO Ban Ban Valley, LAO Ban Moung Ngan, LAO Boung Lam, LAO Fishes Mouth Region, LAO Forward Air Guide RAINBOW (Laotian Civil War), LAO Hmong Meo Tribesmen, LAO Houi Hok, LAO ICC Internationl Control Commission, LAO Khang Khai, LAO Lima Site 108 - Moung Soui (Laotian Civil War), LAO Lima Site 15 - Phong Saly (Laotian Civil War), LAO Lima Site 184 - Houei Tong Kho (Laotian Civil War), LAO Lima Site 198 - Houi Hok (Laotian Civil War), LAO Lima Site 20 - Sam Thong (Laotian Civil War), LAO Lima Site 20A - Long Tieng (Laotian Civil War), LAO Lima Site 236 - Ban Moung Ngan (Laotian Civil War), LAO Lima Site 32 - Boung Lam (Laotian Civil War), LAO Lima Site 36 - Na Khang (Laotian Civil War), LAO Lima Site 46 - Seno (Laotian Civil War), LAO Lima Site 54 - Luang Prabang (Laotian Civil War), LAO Long Tieng, LAO Luang Prabang, LAO Moung Soi, LAO MR Military Region (Laotian Civil War), LAO MR2 (Laotian Civil War), LAO Na Khang, LAO Nong Het, LAO Operation About Face / Kou Kiet (1969) (Laotian Civil War), LAO Operation Barrel Roll (1964-1973) (Laotian Civil War) (Vietnam War), LAO Operation Palace Dog (1966-1973) (Laotian Civil War), LAO Operation Shining Brass / Prairie Fire / Phu Dong (1965-1975) (Laotian Civil War) (Vietnam War), LAO Operation Snare Drum (1969) (Laotian Civil War), LAO Operation Stranglehold (1969) (Laotian Civil War), LAO Phnom Nam Lyr, LAO Phong Saly, LAO Phu Na Kok, LAO Plain of Jars / Plaine des Jarres, LAO RLA General Vang Pao, LAO RLA RT Hotplate (Laotian Civil War), LAO RLA SGU Special Guerrilla Units, LAO RLAF Lt Colonel Lee Lue, LAO RLAF Royal Lao Air Force, LAO Route 13, LAO Route 4, LAO Route 7, LAO Sam Nuea, LAO Sam Thong, LAO Seno, LAO USAF Project 404 (Laotian Civil War), LAO USAF Steve Canyon Program - Ravens FAC (Laotian Civil War), LAO Vientiane, LAO Xieng Khoung, O-1 Bird Dog, O-2 Skymaster, PsyOps, SpecOps, T-28 Trojan, THA RTAFB Korat Royal Thai Air Base, THA RTAFB Nakon Phanom Royal Thai Air Base, THA RTAFB Takhli Royal Thai Air Base, THA RTAFB Ubon Royal Thai Air Base, THA RTAFB Udorn Royal Thai Air Base, THA Thailand, THA USAF ISC Infiltration Surveillance Center - Nakhon Phanom, THA USN NGSD Camp Ramasun Station, U-17 Skywagon, UK Force 136 (SOE), UK Special Operations Executive (SOE), US COA CASI Continental Air Services International, US COA Continental Airlines, US Father Lucien Bouchard (Catholic Priest), US PAA Pan American World Airlines, US Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara, US USA General Creighton Abrams, US USA Green Berets, US USA United States Army, US USA USSF Special Forces, US USAF 12th Air Commando Sqd - Hades, US USAF 12th Special Operations Sqd - Hades, US USAF 20th TASS - Covey, US USAF 21st TASS - Walt FAC, US USAF 22nd Special Operations Sqd - Zorro, US USAF 23rd TASS - NAIL, US USAF 34th TFS - Hatchet, US USAF 354th TFS - Newark, US USAF 355th TFW - Vegas, US USAF 388th TFW - Scuba, US USAF 388th TFW - Tiger, US USAF 416th TFW, US USAF 416th TFW - Det 1 - Misty, US USAF 432nd TRW - Laredo, US USAF 433rd TFS - Machete, US USAF 497th TFSq - Agile, US USAF 504th TASG, US USAF 505th Tactical Control Group, US USAF 555th TFS, US USAF 557th TFS - Sharkbait, US USAF 56th Special Operations Wing, US USAF 56th Special Operations Wing - Det 1, US USAF 602nd Special Operations Sqd - Firefly, US USAF 609th Air Commando Sqd - Nimrod, US USAF 609th Special Operations Sqd - Nimrod, US USAF 612th TFS - Tide, US USAF 7th ABCCC Airborne Command and Control Sqd - Alley Cat, US USAF 7th ABCCC Airborne Command and Control Sqd - Cricket, US USAF 7th/13th Air Force, US USAF ANG Air National Guard, US USAF General George S. Brown, US USAF TACP Tactical Air Control party, US USN NSGD Naval Security Group Detachment, US USN United States Navy, VNM AUS RAAF RTFV Royal Transport Flight Vietnam - Wallaby (Vietnam War), VNM Ban Me Thout, VNM Cam Ranh Bay, VNM CIA Air America (1950-1976) (Vietnam War), VNM CIA Phung Hoang / Phoenix Program (1965-1972) (Vietnam War), VNM Dak Lak, VNM DRV NVA 312th Division, VNM DRV NVA 316th Division, VNM DRV NVA North Vietnamese Army, VNM DRV VC Viet Cong, VNM Duc Lap, VNM Duc Xuyen, VNM Gia Nghia, VNM Ho Chi Minh Trail (Vietnam War), VNM II Corps (Vietnam War), VNM Montagnard, VNM Operation Banana Ditch (1969), VNM Operation Combat Skyspot (1965-1973) (Vietnam War), VNM Operation Igloo White (1968-1973) (Vietnam War), VNM Operation Ranch Hand (1962-1971) (Vietnam War), VNM Phan Rang, VNM Pleiku, VNM Quang Duc Province, VNM Route 13, VNM Route 8, VNM RVN ARVN 22th ID, VNM RVN ARVN Army of the Republic of Vietnam, VNM RVN ARVN CIDG Civilian Irregular Defense Group, VNM RVN ARVN RF/PF Regional Forces/Popular Forces (Vietnam War), VNM RVN RVNP CSDB PRU Provincial Reconnaissance Units (Vietnam War), VNM RVN SVNAF South Vietnamese Air Force, VNM RVN SVNAF South Vietnamese Air Force - Jackpot, VNM Tan Son Nhut Air Base, VNM Tan Son Nhut Air Base - Camp Alpha (Vietnam War), VNM US Agent Orange (Vietnam War), VNM US MACV Advisory Team 32 (Vietnam War), VNM US MACV Advisory Teams (Vietnam War), VNM US MACV Military Assistance Command Vietnam (Vietnam War), VNM US MACVSOG (1964-1972) (Vietnam War), VNM US USN NAF Naval Air Facility Cam Ranh (Vietnam War), VNM US USSF Mobile Strike Force (MIKE) (Vietnam War), VNM USAF DASC Direct Air Support Center (Vietnam War), VNM USAF II Corps DASC / 505th TCG - Carbon Outlaw (Vietnam War), VNM USAF TACC Tactical Air Control Center - BLUE CHIP (Vietnam War) Rating: ★★★★★ (5 Stars) Subject: Books.Military.20th-21st Century.Asia.Vietnam War.Aviation.USAF.FAC, Books.Military.20th-21st Century.Asia.Vietnam War.Laotian Civil War, Books.Military.20th-21st Century.Asia.Vietnam War.Laotian Civil War.Ravens

Description: A personal account of a USAF Forward Air Controller in a remote highland province in South Vietnam in 1969 and how he met "Steve Canyon" and transitioned to the "secret" war in Laos, living with the CIA and the Hmong clans and having near-complete control over the use of US airpower. This account has many illustrations of the grinding stress of intense combat in Laos, and the periodic clashes with the distant headquarters that had little knowledge of an extremely complex combat environment and was more focused on control rather than results.

Review: This book is one of the rare 5 stars for me. There were parts of the book that were absolutely incredible and make this book a must read! While it’s not a perfect book, those parts really showcase how this genre should be written. Instead of just saying “I flew here... I did this” ... he actually walks you through the mission, the steps, where he put his hands, how he got into the aircraft, what he saw, what he thought, what he felt. There is always more to the story than just what someone did... it’s important to make the tale multidimensional and also explain why in a big and small picture way. This author really did that well. At times the book slogs and gets more into the I flew 10 sorties that day, went to the bar, woke up the next day. He also talks a lot about the failures of the whole war and how it was run, which occupied too much space of the book. And yet, even with those criticisms, the book is really excellent! 

You get to see a side of the vietnam war in II corps, as well as the Laotian civil war, and the command and control issues with both, and the success and failure in both. 

Definitely a great read about a forward air controller during that time!

[usafphantom2]

The EF-111 Raven, bad ass bird!

@BollingerTodd via X

[nocternalrandomness]

EF-111 seen departing from the 1991 Fairford Airshow

[dangerousthingobservation]

EF-111, USAF, Operation Desert Storm

Two EF-111 Ravens awaiting permission to take off in support of Operation Desert Storm

[planesawesome]

USAF 27 FW 429 ECS General Dynamics EF-111A Raven 66-0055/CC (1993)

[tnc-n3cl]

C, project 47 👀👀👀👀👀

Thanks for the ask!

"Project 47" is the code name for a sci-fi/fantasy hybrid story derived from really, really, really old Final Fantasy/Legend of Zelda crossover ideas I had. Somewhere along the way, I dropped the Zelda stuff and it was pure FF (though I did salvage some ideas for "LoZ: The Realm Walker") and a few years ago I decided to cut the overt FF references from it and spin it off into an original work. Using Hollywood "High Concept" terminology, it's like The Expanse meets Final Fantasy (tones and vibes and aesthetics wise). The idea runs on tropes such as Anachronism Stew, Schizo Tech, Magic A is Magic A, and Minovsky Physics.

This is going to be long so I'm going to put it under the cut. Also here's a link to my DA gallery for Project 47, which contains not only drawings but lore (some of it is also in my "Scraps" folder cause I was going to go back and edit some of it before the Zelda brainrot took over).

So it's set in a fictional star system called the Kerasik System, namely focusing on the third planet Calisku. Calisku is a gas giant twice the size of Jupiter orbiting Kerasik at what would be exactly in between the mean orbital distances of Earth and Mars in relation to our own solar system, or 192,464,437 km. Around Calisku are five moons, two of which are Earth sized and inhabited.

The outermost moon, Taklara is where most of the main cast would be from, while the third moon from the planet (Serov) is where most of the action takes place. One of the nations on Taklara develops an intersystem space craft, named the Korus after one of the local deities (which is in fact an energy being known as a Scion), and sends it off on an eight year, two part mission. Mission A is a long term survey of Serov (think how in Star Trek they send disguised people to pre-Warp civilizations), while Mission B, is a trip to the edge of the solar system to investigate the wreckage of an aerospace ship (fantasy airship tech that can also go into space, like the Korus) that one of their probes detected. Before the probe detected this BTW, it was a five year mission and the ship would be there to support the ground team on Serov, now they're on their own and the three years was to cover the travel time to the edge of the system and back. Ship crew is going to be running on fumes by the time it's all over.

Taklara as at roughly a modern/near-future level of tech, supported by fantasy physics/magitech. The Korus itself is a joint project between the Takara Alliance Air Defense Force (TAADF or AADF) and the Takara Alliance Space Administration (TASA). So it's like if the USAF and NASA built a spaceship together. So there's a military crew operating the ship more or less, while the civilian researchers are in charge of the overall mission.

Serov is tidally locked with Calisku, so one side always faces the planet. This is the "dark side" and they're at a roughly modern level of tech. They don't use magitech much cause Serov's magnetic field interacts with Calisku's magnetic field to interfere with the fantasy physics that govern magic. (Specifically, there's something called aether which can be manipulated by any living being with sufficient intelligence. Not just humans and other sapients, but animals like dolphins and parrots and ravens and maybe even octopus and the like. The most common form is Geomancy, manipulating the physical realm, so a parrot might alter wind currents behind it to knock an attacking hawk off course for example. Humans and Sapients can do Elemancy, which is more like classical magic but lasts only as long as the caster is focusing on the effect (so I guess it's also kinda like sci-fi mind powers, complete with nosebleeds etc. if you do it to long). There's also Blood Magic, which involved manipulating the body, but that's a lost, forbidden art in the time frame I was working on. Healing magic did branch off from it, but it's so difficult to master that experts are rare and so people rely on conventional medicine.

Non-living things don't really interact with aether except for gravity attracting it, and some types of radiation and electromagnetic fields manipulating it. This is how the magitech works.

Anywho, the "day side" of Serov is at a more or less iron age of tech, but one country in particular is advancing shockingly fast. Which is obviously a major plot point. The Serov survey team bumps into one of the locals and is force to reveal their identity because of discoveries leading to an unexpected link between the peoples of Taklara and Serov and artifacts dating back to The Celestial War. The Celestial War being a mytho-historical event in which the Scions fought with another group of energy beings called Gureri, while mortals were stuck in the middle and picked sides fighting for their "gods." Legends say that whole worlds burned, etc. etc. It ended with an armistace between the Scions and Gureri and the mortals were taken from their dead and dying worlds and settled in the Kerasik System (Kerasik translating into "The Light of Hope")

I do have some teasers I was going to post on DA, one of which I took down cause it wasn't what I wanted it to be and the other I just never finished. I'm going to post what little of that bit I wrote, "The Opportunity of a Lifetime."

A Human woman with light skin and black hair wearing a black business suit sits in the back of a car, reading something on a tablet with an open briefcase on the seat next to her.  She has a name tag and picture ID on her suit that reads “Dr. Jiwoo Byon, Takara Alliance Space Administration, Project Lead”.  An inhuman voice, like a parrot mimicking Human speech, breaks her concentration, “We’re almost there.”  She looks up at the source of the voice, the car’s driver, a humanoid bird glancing back at her, an Avestren.  The Avestren has a yellow, eagle-like beak and head, gray feathers on the top of its head and white feathers on its throat.  The gray feathers are a clear sign it is female.  She has green eyes and a stripe of dark blue feathers around the eyes and extending back and running down the sides of her neck, the skin around the eyes are the same color as the stripes.  The Avestren turns her focus back to the road, the steering wheel looking much the same as a regular car, but with acceleration and breaking controls on it.  This is because Avestrens do not sit as Humans do, the chair is but bar on the floor for her to perch on with a backrest and head rest attached.

[thispunforhire]

During the Vietnam war, the US wanted to provide military assistance to the Laotian government to fight communist influence across the border. Due to 2 different international treaties, they couldn't do it overtly so the CIA had to borrow USAF forward air controllers, call them aid workers, and send them to secret airfields like Long Tieng to guide air strikes on communist troops.

One of these FACs, known as Ravens, was Karl Polifka, who had just arrived in Vientiane and was really feeling his sneaky James Bond shit. He was sitting in an airport, waiting for his flight upcountry, chatting up a USAID school teacher and smugly thinking "she has no idea I'm practically a spy."

After a while, the teacher looks him up and down and says "You must be one of the new Ravens headed up to Long Tieng." Really took the wind out of his sails.

Cold war CIA agents as portrayed in movies: hypercompetent, stoic, charismatic, intelligent, expertly trained, always professional etc.

Cold war CIA agents in real life:

"Hey guys, how much you wanna bet I can slip a triple dose of LSD into Frank's coffee without him noticing?"

"Hey does anyone know where those documents detailing all those atrocities and torture we did went? I was supposed to destroy them but I think I lost them somewhere in the office. Eh, it's probably fine."

"Do you guys think maybe constantly ordering pizza directly at our HQ might be some kind of security risk?"

[opelman]

New Reaper by Treflyn Lloyd-Roberts Via Flickr: USAF F-35 19-5493 speeds through the Lake District on a low level training sortie. This jet is marked up for RAF Lakenheath's 493rd Fighter Squadron "Grim Reapers", who had only just retired their F-15Cs and Ds the previous month. Aircraft: USAF Lockheed Martin F-35A Lightning II AF 19-5493/LN from 48th Fighter Wing based at RAF Lakenheath, Suffolk. Location: Raven Crag, Thirlmere, Lake District, Cumbria.

[bluboothalassophile]

I don’t know if you meant fic requests I’ve had this idea don’t know exactly where you would he with it but

Post apocalypse war in the new timeline instead of staying with the titans or leaving Batman idk he joins the us marine corps and comes back home and runs into raven idk how that would happen do with this prompt what you will 🤷🏽‍♀️

Can’t wait to see what you come up with 🙃💜

Hello,

So based off your user name, I'm hoping you mean Jason Todd, and not Damian Wayne because Damian is the last person in the Batfamily I could ever see going into the military; closely tied with Tim and Dick. Anyways, I hope you enjoy! =)

Reverse Uno Card Of Death...

Jason rarely operated outside of the European theatre, but on this rare occasion he had decided to come home. His fiancée had actually encouraged him to return home, but he sort of regretted it.

When he’d been seventeen, he’d left Robin, Batman, and the Justice League to join the US Air Force, were he had spent the better part of the next ten years becoming a Pararescue Jumper, a.k.a. a PJ, and he’d eventually joined JSOC, furthering his career, and his life outside the League and ridiculous world of heroes. He’d done this in part because of his honorary grandfather, Alfred Pennyworth, who was killed in what was known as the Apokolips Wars, which was the invasion of the world from an outside force off the planet Apokolips, which was sort of the only justification for the Justice League or the super hero class of operators.

Jason had respect for the superheroes, but he also didn’t; given how frequently they seemed to look down on military or police personnel, and actual first responders. Now, granted, they didn’t appear to do that to the public, but Jason had encountered more than one hero who would tell him to go home because the threat was contained (the threat rarely being contained in actuality). Also, superheroes were frequently dragged down in NATO nonsense and unable to actually handle real threats; like the Russian or Chinese threat.

Anyways, Jason was on leave and he was heading back to Gotham, New Jersey, he needed to get his head checked. His fiancée, Raven Roth, retired hero, and current author was quietly pressed against him.

Raven was a surprise to Jason, in every sense of the word, he vaguely remembered her running around with Damian and his group, and he had a vague memory of her being this ever present, gloomy figure; but he hadn’t known her. Their meeting again had been a shock to the system, Jason had been injured on mission and couldn’t seem to hide, and in swooped this woman, dragging him out of the open and hiding him, also healing him. Initially he had thought her to merely be a minor power, not Raven the most powerful sorceress alive, she didn’t look like the gloomy teen he had remembered. It took them time, but eventually she helped smuggle him out of Germany, where she was residing, they had made it to Switzerland and figured out how to get back to Brussels from there. She helped smuggle him though, through the countries, playing the part of his wife. Jason had later learnt Raven had fled the Titans after Damian had disappeared and Brother Blood abducted her, and no one came to save her. Since then, she had just been living a quiet life working as a journalist or ghost writer.

They had never seemed to part after everything, and Jason had recently proposed.

He thought he might as well bite the bullet in this regard, he loved the demoness, and Alfred would approve of her, and it made sense. Raven knew him, what he did, and she gave him a stable life outside of operating; so Jason didn’t see his life falling apart anytime soon with her as a wife.

“Relax,” Raven murmured softly.

“I am…” he grimaced on the lie.

“Jason…”

“B and I had a blow out about me leaving for the Air Force,” he said it suddenly. Jason was the reverse uno card of death in the USAF though as a PJ, not that B would understand. Jason liked being a true tip of the spear guy, he loved operating, it was what he was born to do, and he was the best at it. He loved his brothers, he loved his work, he loved making a difference, and even when he hated it, he loved it in a way that no one but an operator could understand. It wasn’t about a thrill, or a rush, it wasn’t even about him, but he loved operating. “He told me I was throwing away my life.”

“So?”

“So, I screamed I didn’t want to be Dick and be the most self serving prick under the guise of serving the greater good, I wanted to be a part of something bigger than myself, and serve the US, and B said if I left… don’t come back, he wouldn’t watch me die for a lost cause.”

“It’s not a lost cause.”

“Alfred knew that, he helped me, before… before the Apokolips War,” he muttered.

“I know.”

“B just… I want him proud,” Jason admitted as he looked at his fiancée.

“Alfred is proud, and Bruce is a fool if he isn’t proud of you,” she said softly.

They finally pulled up to Wayne Manor in the cab, and Jason got out, putting on his cover as he turned and held his hand out for Raven. Slowly she slid out of the car, standing beside him. He paid the cabbie as he grabbed up their bags and they walked towards the main door of the Manor.

Slowly the door opened, Jason’s heart was pounding harder than he could ever remember as he heard the roar of blood in his ears. Raven suddenly grabbed a bag, before grabbing his hand, giving it a squeeze as they approached the imposing figure of Bruce.

“Jason.”

“Hey B… I… I wanted to introduce you to my fiancée,” he said as he looked at Raven. “B, this is…”

“Raven…” Damian appeared, wide eyed and startled.

“Raven Roth,” Jason finished.

Bruce looked at Raven and smiled a little. “Hello Raven.”

“Mister Wayne.”

Before anyone could continue, Jason was startle as he was pulled into a tight hug, which had him frozen as he stared past B’s shoulder at Dick, Kori, Damian, and a few faces he didn’t know. B knocked Jason’s cover off as his hand cupped the back of Jason’s head, and he heard and felt the quiet sob rack B’s body.

“Thank you for bringing my son home,” Bruce said as he pulled away from the hug. “Pararescue Jumper? Could you pick a more challenging vocation?”

“I always liked doing things the hard way,” Jason offered.

[militarymedia]

Militarymedia.net - The General Dynamics/ Grumman EF-111 Raven is a modified version of the F-111 Aardvark tactical bomber. The EF-111 serves as an electronic warfare and defense suppressor. Its main mission is to scramble enemy radar and weapon systems at impossible distances. Raven aircraft escort the U.S. offensive battle group. The electronic warplane was developed to meet U.S. Air Force (USAF) requirements. Grumman formed the EF-111 Raven by modifying General Dynamics' existing F-1 .......

Source : https://www.militarymedia.net/2021/03/Grumman-EF-111A-Raven.html

[casbooks]

Books of 2023

Book 57 of 2023

Title: The Raven Chronicles: In Our Own Words Authors: John H. Fuller & Helen Murphy

Rating: ★★★★★ Subject: Books.Military.20th-21st Century.Asia.Vietnam War.Laotian Civil War.Aviation.FAC.Ravens

Description: The Raven Chronicles, In Our Own Words, is a unique collection of first person accounts by the USAF forward air controllers who flew in the Secret War in Laos. Restricted by the 1962 Geneva Agreement, they flew in civilian clothes in unmarked light spotter aircraft. These pilots regularly operated from primitive dirt landing sites, often flying in poor weather, with few navigational aids, under the constant threat of enemy fire, and in the midst of towering mountains and unforgiving karst formations. According to USAF history, they were one of the success stories of the war. They built a legend of efficiency and daring in their control of RLAF and USAF strikes in support of Laotian ground units.

Review: WOW! I mean, where do I start?!?!?! One of the best books, if not THE best book on the topic of Raven's over Laos and the stories of the men who flew the planes. Each story, each detail, was captivatingly written, well documented, and the information was 2nd to none. Seriously, if you only read one book on the topic of FAC's over Laos, this is the book to pick up and fills in so many gaps that other books have.

[usafphantom2]

EF-111 also known as the Spark Vark.

#OneElevenWednesday

January 1995, Langley Air Force Base

Joint Task Force Exercise 95-2

National Archive DF-ST-97-01182

@tcamp202 via X

[nocternalrandomness]

An EF-111 sits ready at Cannon AFB, New Mexico

[stokingthemidnightflame]

Chapter 2: Incendiary Ember

Hello friends! I have finally finished Chapter 2 of Xanthorrhoeas. I hope you like it :) Sorry for the delay! 

AO3 Link

Cassian was staring at her.

To be fair to him, so was Azriel. But she could feel the intense gaze of Cassian as he looked over her, checking if she was okay. Of course I’m not okay. How could I be? She wanted to scream.

Instead, she bit her mouth together so hard that she felt the metallic tang of blood on her lips. She made a show of pulling out her phone, intent on responding to emails or reading the news or anything that would make her stop feeling like she was burning up from rage and terror and misery.

But she couldn’t.

Try as she might, opening her emails, all she did was mindlessly scroll through them, her eyes glazed and unable to focus. There was this pounding in her head, and her ears were ringing and she just wanted it to stop.

They finally reached Azriel’s apartment, and he offered a hand for her to step down from the van, his eyes flat and serious.

The momentary relief Nesta felt as she sat down on Azriel’s grey couch shattered as she saw Cassian bring in the box.

“Let me see that,” she said. The need is itching up again. She can’t help herself.

Cassian ignored her, and dumped the box unceremoniously in the corner of the living room, before turning his golden brown eyes to her, scanning her over.

“Are you hurt?” He asked. How predictable.

Nesta doesn’t answer.

It’s fucking petty, but after the day she’s had? She deserves to be petty.

The ensuing silence is finally broken when the silver haired man introduced himself to her, his voice clipped and emotionless. “Rowan Whitehorn. I served alongside Ramirez and Hernandez in Afghanistan. USAF.”

Nesta nodded, reaching out a hand to shake his perfunctorily, despite her hands being numb and clammy. She had to see that box again. She needs to know. But Cassian stood in front of it, his stance heavy and unmoving. Instead, she looked over at Azriel, questioning.

Azriel blushed as he considered. “Nesta - Cassian’s already taken the spare room. I can take the couch if you-”

“You can take the spare room,” Cassian said to Nesta, cutting in. His eyes were on her again, burning with a fiery intensity. Had they ever left her?

Azriel had turned silent, his eyes helpfully drifting away to the slate wall behind them for a moment of privacy. Rowan followed suit, his cool eyes gazing ahead blankly. Why bother?

She just wanted this day to be over. “Fine.” She knew her tone was brusque, but she was done. Done with Hybern. Done with Cassian. With herself. “Goodnight,” She offered to the room, avoiding Cassian’s gaze.

The guest room is just as she remembered it. Cassian had made the bed carefully, the navy sheets folded into hospital corners in a way she had never learnt to grasp. His clothes were folded over the chair, black suitcase tucked into the corner of the room.

Nothing personal...except for a book on the nightstand. The burgundy hardback is scratched, with creases across the spine, but the instant she picked it up she recognised it for what it was. A first-edition copy of Jane Austen’s Northanger Abbey.

That she had gifted him, six Christmases ago. He had kept it.

She had bought the novel to remind him that she would love him forever, even when he was deployed and in some foreign country. That she was with him, no matter where he went.

In the end it didn’t matter. He was the one who had broken up with her after all. But it didn’t stop her eyes from pricking with tears as she stared at the novel she never thought she would see again.

“You-uh-you weren’t meant to see that.” Cassian’s voice appeared from behind her, and as she turned around she noticed that not for the first time tonight, his cheeks were flushed.

With her back still turned to him, she breathed out silently, willing herself not to do something stupid like cry or laugh. As she turned around, she asked “Why not? It’s yours. I gifted it to you, remember?” Remember, remember how much I loved you? How much...I love you?

All six foot three of Cassian stiffened, his face becoming unreadable. Once, reading Cassian had been as natural as breathing.

Without saying a word, he left, closing the door softly as he did, leaving the book in her hands.

She wished he had slammed it.

--

Watching her hold that book had been heart-wrenching. Cassian wasn’t sure he could take much more of it.

It had been so long since he had seen her in the flesh. Her silky, raven hair. Her baby hairs sticking up, despite her relentless scraping and gelling. Her sinful form in that crimson red she had always favoured. Red is luck, she had told him. In Chinese culture, it represents vitality and strength. Fire. Good fortune. Her dark brown eyes...almost black. The way they could analyse and comprehend at a second’s glance. But most of all, her scent. That warm, intoxicating scent of lavender that dissolved into a delicate wood Nesta had once told him was silver birch.

He knew what perfume it was. Jo Malone. Silver Birch and Lavender. He had bought it for her, once upon a time. It was almost comical that the name was so simple. But when she wore it, it couldn’t be replicated. It just wasn’t right.

And the book...the fucking book. The one he had treasured every night and read on repeat for months during his deployment, until he could recite whole passages from memory, every word and sentence ingrained into his mind, a permanent burn of what he had done to her.

It killed him inside.

Azriel gave him a half-sympathetic, half contemptuous look, his eyes narrowed slightly as he considered Cassian. As if coming to some kind of conclusion, he sat down next to him on the couch.

“You still haven’t told her the truth?”

Cassian closed his eyes sinking into the couch as he tried to focus on anything but Nesta. “What clued you in?”

Azriel cracked a smile then, and replied, “I think there would have been a lot more crying and shrieking from a certain party.”

Cassian snorted. The idea of Nesta shrieking seemed so improbable but he still wanted to see it. He wanted to see and learn everything about her, all over again.

But that was never going to happen.

Certainly not now, when the death threats against Nesta were escalating.

Azriel groaned as he tried to stretch out the kinks in his back, sighing as he looked at the box in the corner, pointedly looking at Cassian.

He sighed heavily in response, tapping two quick fingers over his heart. I know.

Rowan had cleared out quietly and it was just Azriel and Cassian left. Are you going to be okay? Azriel asked silently to his older brother.

He settled back into the couch, squeezing his eyes shut. It was no good. Every time he closed his eyes all he could see was the snake, its beady eyes lifeless and its head decapitated. Deja vu.

Azriel sighed and punched Cassian lightly, making the corner of his lips tilt up before he left.

God. The foul smell and the roses. Fucking roses. There must have been dozens of them, crammed into the box, each dipped in some kind of animal blood. (He hoped it was animal blood. The idea that it wasn’t was something he couldn’t even consider at this moment).

This wasn’t deja vu. He would never forget the first time.

He didn’t think it could have been worse, but he was clearly wrong. This was worse.

Suddenly, he heard a door creak open and footsteps on the wood floors. “Azriel?” He whispered into the dark.

There was no reply. His body instinctively tightened, brushing away the blanket haphazardly as he struggled to make out who it was.

“Just me.”

A rush of air left him feeling stupid. Nesta walked carefully past him, expertly avoiding that creaky floorboard before she entered the kitchen. She was clad in heart-printed fluffy socks and soft red strawberry pyjamas, but she walked as if she was clad in metal armour.

“Are you - uh - getting water?” His words felt foolish to him as soon as he said them. He can’t help himself, not around her. His hand tensed again, clenching and unclenching as he tried to slow his racing heartbeat. In the middle of the night, with everyone asleep, it was too easy to want her again.

As if he had ever stopped.

She paused, and he could feel her weighing her choices. As if wondering whether to deign to speak to him. He supposed, bitterly, that he deserved that after the forced conversations they had already had.

After all, the last words he had thrown in her face six years ago had been, “I don’t love you anymore Nesta. In fact, I don’t see how anyone could.”

It had left a fuzzy taste in his mouth that wouldn’t wash away and red blisters along his knuckles when he couldn’t stop hitting his punching bag. For months on end, when he closed his eyes at night all he could see was the unmistakeable glimmer of tears and her chin wobbling in a way that he knew meant she had cried after he left. After all that he had promised, that he would never hurt her. And then he had gone and fucked it all up.

It had taken every ounce of willpower to not go running back to her and beg for forgiveness.

Nesta walked back to the guest room, her left hand pressed to the straight seams of her pyjamas until her nails where white, carrying the glass of water in the other. She didn’t look back and the door swung shut without a single word.

How does one tell another...I’m sorry I killed you inside but all I ever wanted to do was protect you? How does one tell another...I would give you up a thousand times so you could be alive and find happiness with another? How does one tell another...I have loved you for every moment since I last saw you and I could never forget you?

--

Nesta woke up to Azriel’s living room covered in blue plastic sheets, lined from wall to wall.

The box was carefully deconstructed by Rowan and Dorian, yet another member of Cassian’s team. The police were infested with Hybern scum, as Cassian put it, and there was very little they couldn’t do with his own team. As Dorian started studying the roses and bagging parts of the box, Azriel touched the nape of his neck casually, eyes sliding over to Nesta.

She closed the door behind them, and asked, “What do you want?” Her eyes drifted to look behind him, avoiding eye contact.

Azriel was quiet. It wasn’t unusual - Nesta and Azriel had forged their friendship over introversion, sitting silently for hours often in the corners of parties they had been forced to attend by their respective friends. They discussed the economics of renewable energy and the burgeoning failure of democracy the way other people would discuss what they would consider lacklustre and mundane subjects.

Azriel’s grey eyes bore into Nesta’s, his forehead creased into a frown. “I’m sorry I didn’t consult you about Cassian,” he said bluntly. “I knew you would disapprove,” he continued. “But we both know that as stupid as my brother is, he’s the best choice to protect you. The police are absolutely fucked.” And wasn’t that the truth. Tomas’ dad had been a police captain.

Still was one.

It was why...it was why she could never report what he had done to her.

Nesta pursed her lips and stayed silent.

He stepped closer to her, and she felt her eyes prick with tears. Azriel was the guy who would have pummeled Tomas to a bloody pulp if she hadn’t stopped him. The guy who had stayed for three weeks on her couch after Tomas had assaulted her so she could sleep at night.

“Get over here,” he whispered, tugging her into his warm chest. Nesta latched onto his soft grey sweater and he strung his arms around her waist, hugging her close.

“You’re not forgiven.” She whispered into his sweater. Azriel’s chest vibrated slightly with laughter as he said, “Don’t I know it.”

By the time they had returned, the rest of Cassian’s team had bagged and marked most of the flowers, the snake and the box was nowhere to be seen. Rowan, Dorian and Mor were poring over documents with practiced eyes.

“We could get Aelin to prosecute the shit out of them,” Dorian said as he finally took off his glasses with a sigh. His gloves were smeared with blood. It was beginning to smell “It might be considered intimidation, especially since everyone knows Nesta’s spearheading this patents debacle.” He stared meaningfully at Azriel and Cassian, as if blaming them for Rhy’s predicament that had quickly spiralled into a mess. Cassian glared back, resolute.

But Nesta was already shaking her head. “It will never fly. Hybern wants this. They want us to divert resources from the main battle. I can handle a snake or two.” Cassian was considering her words, his lips in a half smile as he looked over her.

It was awe, she realised.

It warmed her deep inside to know that Cassian still admired her, his gaze flowing over her like soft honey on a summer’s day.

“And besides, I have a plan.”

--

She always had a plan. In the time that he had known her, Cassian could count on one hand the number of times he had seen her flustered in front of others. With him...it had been different. In the early months of their friendship she had gotten flustered regularly. He had only realised that she liked him when she began periodically unsending messages, as if she was hesitant to say the wrong thing.

Fortunately, having been glued to his phone waiting for her texts, he had seen her messages before she unsent them. That was how he realised she had asked him out.

Hey, did you want to hang out on Saturday?

And then, the last message he had sent her.

I’m sorry. There was no other way. 

Nesta hadn’t even bothered to reply.

[planesawesome]

January 17th 1991 – An UNARMED USAF EF-111 A Raven, crewed by Captain James A. Denton and Captain Brent D. Brandon amazingly scored a kill against an enemy Iraqi Dassault Mirage F1EQ. The completely unarmed EF-111 managed to maneuver the enemy fighter into the ground, making it the one and only F-111 to achieve the impressive distinction of an aerial victory over another aircraft.

[airmanisr]

138259 (55-138259 0-38259 USAF-RLaoAF, N86AW, VH-SHT) North American T-28D Trojan US Navy Archerfield Warbirds 04.95 by Phil Rawlings Via Flickr: Built by North American Aviation and delivered to the US Navy. Assigned to VT-27, NAS Corpus Christi, TX. Assigned to VT-3, NAS Whiting Field, FL. Transferred to USAF 26.09.71 and transferred To Royal Lao Air Force as 55-138259/0-38259. Used by Raven FAC under direction of the US Air Attaché in Laos. Transferred to US Navy 07.02.73 and transferred to MASDC, Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ. Struck off charge: 28.10.83.