#UR WHOLE EXPLANATION (????!?@?
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Sit down it’s time to talk about how all of the characters in TSAMs are deeply traumatized and flawed and most actions that the characters take that people are frustrated by can be explained if you consider that the trauma plays a huge role in the actions they take in response to stressful situations they’re constantly being put in.
#This is about everyone in the show#‘Solar shouldn’t have immediately decided to kill nexus!!’#FIRST OF ALL he didn’t SECOND OF ALL he has soo much trauma in regards to moons#In his old dimension his moon went thru pretty much the same thing that happened to Nexus#Brother/closest family member dies -> go down the deep end and end up hurting the only family you have left pipeline#He did not want to believe that it would happen to him again!!!#That’s why he convinced himself it has to be some sort of virus because this cannot happen to him again he cannot go thru this again!!#And then it turned out not to be. The idea of going through that again must scare him#Especially his new family getting hurt in the same way that he did#ESPECIALLY since Nexus has dark star power#Nexus’ actions can be explains thru his trauma too. Imagine being told your whole life that you are a replacement basically#No one directly told him this BUT i think anyone in Nexus’ place who gets called New Moon instead of just Moon#Would probably have the same takeaway#And then ur closest family dies in your arms#Anyways I don’t like nexus cause he’s done terrible horrible things#And trauma is not at all an excuse for that it is simply an explanation#I do love solar tho.#sun and moon show#tsams nexus#tsams solar#TSAMS#SAMS
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and also just adding onto that, the recent wave of like armchair diagnosing ppl as npd is sooo annoying. Like its actually a serious condition, you CANNOT diagnose someone as npd with just one story or interaction. Sometimes ppl are not "narcissistic", they're just assholes? It feels like every second story i hear, there's ppl going "thats a narcissistic trait yk :/" and its like just bc its a narcissistic trait doesnt mean they have npd??
yes defintely !! it's so so harmful and i have not seen any other disorder (except maybe aspd?) get as much demonisation and hate as npd has and it is genuinely so heartbreaking bc it is a serious dissociative disorder that does Not inherently make anyone a bad person and yet !! like the term "narcissistic abuse" and also ppl just generally equating [mostly covert] abuse w narcissism is so immensely Harmful .
anyway i think we should bring back calling people mean, assholes, rude, gaslighters, abusers, etc instead of being like "my mother was a narc abuser so all ppl w npd are abusers and will never change!" etc etc bc it does 3 horrible things:
1) implies all people with npd are abusers
2) implies people with npd are not capable of self-improvement just like any other human being
3) offloads the horrible actions of abusers onto a disorder, thereby taking away the responsibility they had/choices they made in the situation and instead blames the (completely inaccurate + harmful!!) perceived invariability/ubiquitous evil of npd symptoms/traits .
"how to spot a narcissist" babe are we birdwatching now for ppl with a dissociative disorder or...???
#basically i had a breakdown moment where i realised that despite upholding lying as like. a moral principle .#i used to lie a lot in the past. but i didn't rly realise it then. and having this realisation kind of like...broke down a lot#of self image issues etc and i started looking into Why i did what i did etc...obvs i felt an immense amt of guilt#and while researching i found npd and i was like oh the symptoms actually kinda match#i started doing research into it and oh my godddd the amount of absolutely horrifying articles etc etc i found#nothing was helpful and everything was just what to do if ur parent is an evil narcissist 🤪 and it was just like. signs of covert abuse.#and i was like. even if i did have this disorder i would be so discouraged for getting help bc of this!! there were like 2 places on this#whole internet w an ounce of compassion. anyway i talked to my therapist and she said i definitely do not have npd and there is a much bett#explanation etc bc im autistic and there are comorbidities etc etc but i cannot forget the sheer . feeling of heartbreak and horror.#like the way that these people were being talked about as though they are animals. whole human beings who were abused and mistreated#ive never in my life seen such blatant and rampant and LOUD villinisation and demonisation of ppl with a disorder#i realised this was a problem b4 i went down the research rabbit hole but this just made me realise the sheer extent of it. truly disgustin
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showing up several days late with starbucks only to find out that the damp dishrag whispery mindless villain Thrawn characterization I was worried about manifested exactly
#we been knew#star wars#thrawn#ahsoka show#grace for ts#if you cant write 3 pages of detailed explanation showing why exactly thrawn is doing what hes doing. you are not writing thrawn#the hopium: but what if. there is a good explanation and they just havent showed it yet#me: NO. DONT TEMPT ME TO BELIEVE. DONT TAUNT ME WITH FALSE HOPE#bring back the empire? why. go out of ur way to kill ezra and sabine? why.#IS HE. just trying to get home?????? not bring back the empire?#are the nightsister mothers the only people in that whole galaxy?#why do they talk about the galaxy and the planet like its the same thing?#i wish so much that i could beleive there was a good answer to all of these questions
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i feel like i've made the mistake of trying to overcompensate for being clingy in past relationships/friendships (which i think eventually led to their end) by approaching everything as if i'm super aloof and chill with whatever when that is not the case at all. i tried to course correct but maybe overdid it and now i guess it bit me in the ass cuz like?!?!? now the kinds of ppl i attract r distant and noncommunicative and think that i wont mind. when rly i just want someone who cares abt me the same way i do about them and who is just as enthusiastic about spending time with each other lol.
#sometimes i think ppl took the whole “u dont owe anyone ur time” “u dont have to be accessible to ppl” thing too far.#i think if u continuously blow someone off for weeks to months with no explanation and expect them to be chill that kinda sucks. actually.#especially when u expect to pick things up where we left off like nothing has happened :-)#i fear im being a bit annoying rn sorry everyone. im in a bitchy mood tonight <3#of course im not gonna say any of this to the specific person its directed at cuz im a coward
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huuoogh eridan ampora is arospec and ace you agree. reblog
#homestuck#rambles#this is a silly post#right after valentines day cuz i forgor#my explanation being: troll society is amatonormative in that u are expected to be in a quadrant by a certain age (iirc)#and if you are not then you will (probably) be culled#one can imagine how that would have an effect on eridans view of relationships in general#i think the reason why she is so pushy is because she is viewing it as something necessary. that she NEEDS to#have a quadrant (understanding given how you will DIE if ur not in one)#i personally can relate to feeling like u have to be in a relationship bc of everyone around you#and i often mistook admiration 4 people i thought were cool as like romantic attraction#(cuz i have NO CLUE how romantic attraction feels like)#eridans whole thing to me is that she is... very lonely. and desperate.#and she wants to survive (re: what happened on the meteor)#but she reads to me as someone who does not want to be in a relationship but wants to have that box ticked. u know ?#not to mention eri is just genuinely kind of bad at mantaining relationships (of any kind ?) she has a tendency to drive ppl away methinks#of any romantic kind anyway. i think shes okay at mantaining friendships actually#this is where i start to lose my train of thought. i hope that explains like the gist of my reasoning behind this#evidence number two: asexual flag colors.#i rest my case#eridan ampora#“eridan ampora”#PLS#ITS NOT TAGGING!!! GROWLS
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watching hbomberguys rwby video rn and very annoyed by the idea that the whole dust intro and dust shop robbery scene is poor writing
#like rwby sucks ass do not get me wrong#but like. this guy even says its not a bad start to the story bc it sets up the next scene and tells u why dust is important and set ups the#the main antagonist of the season and his goals#but im annoyed at the idea a better intro wouldve been a better explanation of the world and its setting#like objectively yes it would be better considering the whole stealing dust plotline was dropped#but instead of changing the intro i think i better idea would be actual worldbuilding in the show itself lmaoo#like he said they explained the faunus and semblance wayyy later than they shouldve#and the kingdoms and theyre tense and fragile peace thing was suddenly mentioned at the end of s3#but this could all be solved by actual storytelling lmao#i cant remember the first episode well but im pretty sure the evil actual main villian lady was narrating the whole dust story and explainin#explaining grimm and stuff and that ozpin at the very end was like no you dumb bitch#or whatever#and like thats an interesting start to a story!!! it starts out sounding like a fairytale with a generic narrator until you find out its a c#conversation and ur liek who are u#rwbys problem is that it was bad storytelling but ironically the first two scenes of the episode are really good#i cant remember the rest of the episode rn or the rest of the show but like. just keep that energy#rwby couldve been so good UGH im mad#its like mlb all over again#anyways#im like 33 mins in the video but this bit abt the opening was annoying me lmao like its really not a bad intro#giving a worldbuilding dump in the very beginning of the show wouldve been even worse imo but this seemingly fairytale intro being a convo#between two people we later find out are important is such a good way to start#and then you actually wxplain the setting or show not tell it throughout the season instead of randomly dumping info when relevant#anyways ignore me i never even liked rwby that much this video was just annoying me#michi tag
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absolute favorite shirt to wear while working at camp is the one that says “gender roles may be toxic” on it bc then the kids go “what does that mean?” and i go “well—”
#and then they get a long winded explanation abt gender roles and how toxic they can be for individuals and the whole of society#it’s great#all i have to do is exist around kids to alter their world view tho#bc they all go ‘ur a boy?????’ and i go ‘i am’ and they go ‘you look like a girl tho’#and then i explain to them that there is no one way for a girl to be a girl or a boy to be a boy. everyone look different#doesn’t matter what you look like bc it doesn’t change what you are#the kids are very cute about it tho cause they called me ‘mr duck’ this whole week shdjcjdjdjdj#🐀
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#yaknow I think if you post crap like:#*the chem spill is going to fatally contaminate the soil of the whole state for a century and kill every single pet and all the fish -#- and poison the watershed from the Ohio r. to the Mississippi r. to the Gulf*#and you don’t cite one damn source#you deserve every *source OP??* you get in your inbox#and no a twitter thread is not a source#additionally just an explanation of *this is what vinyl chloride does* is not enough of a source.#you need to be able to contextualize your claims with the chemical MSDS the concentration and the place/events#like *this much X will have Y effect in Z setting/treatment*#you're not Worry-Posting when you have like 50k followers and you're making Dire Absolute Pronouncements.#you need to think carefully about what you say and how you say it#quit fucking tagging your pithy comebacks to people concerned w ur science reporting and ethics as *modern day cassandra*#yes it’s worrisome beyond belief and yes I am worried the environmental health consequences for this will be more severe than we think#but no getting called out for lying is not the equivalent of being a modern day Cassandra
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logic behind name changes ive encountered among trans people:
the sound of the name was beautiful
a blessing/prayer
marking eras or overarching lessons at a point in your life
historical/namesake
nature
feminine/masc version of birth name
safety, pragmatic reasons
fictional character
everyone just started calling them by a nickname/diminutive and it stuck
cultural connection
intellectual/metafysical concept
and its never one of these reasons alone lol. i just come from a particularly different naming system so that the categories in that poll struck me as niche.
#metafysical like. iman or faith or in my case hire (fate)#in particular the first one is near and dear to my heart cause those r the names that ppl want an explanation for but its like#nah these consonants and vowels were just pretty to me and you will now create a whole new slot in ur lexicon for who EYE am :P#for myself... four of these!
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gonna show u guys a little opalescent highlight hack i threw together today
rainbow gradient above your main figure (i usually have all my main figure folders/layers in one big folder, so i can clip gradient maps + adjustments to it!). liquify tool to push the colors around a bit. STAY WITH ME I KNOW IT LOOKS STUPID RN I'M GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THIS
THEN: set it to add/glow (or the equivalent in ur drawing program), lower the opacity a bit, and apply a layer mask. then u can edit the mask with whatever tools you like to create rainbow highlights!!
in this case i'm mostly using the lasso fill tool to chip out little facets, but i've also done some soft airbrushing to bring in larger rainbow swirls in some areas. it's pretty subtle here, but you can see it better when i remove the gradient map that's above everything, since below i'm working in greyscale:
more granular rambling beneath the cut!
u could also just do this with a brush that has color jitter, but what i like about using layer masks for highlight/shading layers is how simple and reversible it makes everything. i can use whatever brushes i want, and erasing/redoing things is super low stakes, which is great when i often approach this stuff with a super trial-and-error approach.
example: have u ever thrown a gradient w multiple colors over an entire piece, set it to multiply etc, and then tried to erase it away to carve out shadows/highlights? it's super frustrating, bc it looks really good, but if u erase something and then change ur mind later, u basically would have to like. recreate the gradient in the area u want to cover up again. that's how i used to do things before figuring out layer masks!! but masking basically creates a version of this with INFINITE undo bc u can erase/re-place the base layer whenever u want.
anyway, back to rambling about this specific method:
i actually have TWO of these layers on this piece (one with the liquified swirls shown above, and another that's just a normal concentric circle gradient with much broader stripes) so i can vary the highlights easily as needed.
since i've basically hidden the rainbow pattern from myself, the colors in each brushstroke i make will kind of be a surprise, which isn't always great -- but easily fixable! for example, if i carve out a highlight and it turns out the rainbow pattern in that area is way too stripey, i can just switch from editing the mask to editing the main layer and blur that spot a bit.
also, this isn't a full explanation of the overall transparency effect in these screencaps! there's other layer stuff happening below the rainbow highlights, but the short version is i have all this character's body parts in different folders, each with their own lineart and background fill, and then the fill opacity is lowered and there's multiply layers clipped to that -- blah blah it's a whole thing. maybe i'll have a whole rundown on this on patreon later. uhhh i think that's it tho! i hope u get something useful out of this extremely specific thing i did lmao
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there is probably something about the asmr adage of ‘the more quackery the more relaxing’ but i don’t have the brain power to pick it apart rn
#there’s a whole ecosystem of asmrtists who make videos using woo as a tool predicated on it being fiction#to the extent of asmr creators making up unique fake woo for videos#in fact one of my favorite asmrtists rn jellybean green has a whole series doing this#idk i just think it’s interesting. something about the appeals of woo being applied to a different end#simple explanations for complex ideas -> both fixing ur problems and shutting your brain off#and smth smth biomedicine smth smth coercion#myposts
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accidentally killed gale and had to revive him and Immediately after he asked for his first tasty treat LMAO
#xar kinda approaches it they way the approached feeding astarion which is like#if i do this he’ll owe me#BUT i think him dying immediately before and xar having to do his whole song and dance like#made them a little resistant if Only because they were de#demanding answers from him lol#the whole ‘i can’t die or it’s everyone else’s problem’ had them like 👀#bc they’re nosy as hell and need to know Everything about Everyone#so they did kinda try to dangle it over his head for a sec. bc sir i just had to use a Very expensive scroll of true resurrection on ur ass#U Owe Me An Explanation#idk it’s just a little bit of a different dynamic from my first playthrough bc of the timing#and i like it#idk game fun i like how different it can be despite making 85% of the same choices#漫言#oc. xarrai#z plays bg3
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Hi!! Sometimes in ur bombshell reader fics she talks about how she has nervous energy would u ever write a bombshell reader fic where she has one of those days where she just woke up wired and Spencer tries to calm her down?
“Spencer,” you whisper.
“What?”
Spencer turns another page. You, across from him with your legs crossed, slouched, poke at his leg gently with your foot. “What are you reading?”
“It’s just a book on Wyoming land boundaries.”
You nod. Spencer watches you from across the top of his book, at first without worry, and then an attentiveness that furthers all the reasons you may or may not be in love with him.
“You okay?”
Everything should be fine. The case is solved. You’re heading home, without turbulence, two hours at most from touching down after a job well done. “I’m fine.”
“You sure?” he asks.
You smile fraughtly. You try your best to be the perfect image, to put that best foot forward, and you nail it ninety nine days out of a hundred. Nobody knows about your nervousness besides you, and that’s how you’d like it to stay, but Spencer clearly cares about you too much to look away.
He closes his book and sets in on the table, pushing a glass into his hand. “Here,” he says, leaning forward. “It’s not poisoned.”
You take it. Feeling his gaze, you drink a little sip that immediately goes down the wrong way. Your coughing swallow perturbs him worse.
People tend to look at Spencer and see someone who needs more help. Even the people closest to him can doubt his ability, but as far as you’re concerned he’s proven to understand emotion quite well. He won’t shake a stranger's hand, he can’t flirt to save his life without notice, but he can make you feel better. He’s good at taking care of you, even if nobody else can see it.
“Hey, it’s okay,” he says, leaning right over to touch both your knees at once. He pushes your skirt up a half inch with the movement, but his eyes are on your face. “You have the jitters?”
“Think so,” you murmur.
“Maybe it’s the air pressure.”
You’re sure he knows you get like this sometime, but his explanation is kind. His hands on your knees are somehow strangely placed and still a natural feeling. Just like sitting together at his place to watch TV, or elbow to elbow on the train into New York, your boundaries with one another are eroding.
“Wanna come and sit by me?” he asks, like he’s thinking the same thing.
You laugh softly. “In all that space?”
The seat is big enough for a larger person, but not you and Spencer together.
He squeezes himself right to the side. “Come on,” he insists, sitting back, “just sit with me.”
“I’ll squish you.”
“So squish me.”
You think about it before setting your traded glass down. You don’t know why you have these weird moods, you don’t understand what it is about Spencer that can make them feel better, but he’s offering to make it go away. You have no real reason to turn him down.
In the end, you sit in the chair beside him, ignoring Hotch’s perturbed look as you stand and then quickly plop yourself down at Spencer’s side. Your thigh has to go completely on top of his, but otherwise, it’s not so bad. It’s more room than you thought.
It works quicker than you could imagine. With both of your heads held back the space between you is still minimal, which means his face is in detail. His hair brushed back and with the barest traces of gel, a little curled, what had Hotch said? His boyband hair.
Spencer turns toward you, eye shadowed as he presses his forehead to the chair. “Is it just jitters?” he asks.
“Sometimes I think I get… weird,” you say.
“Me too.” He pulls your leg further into his lap. You’re shocked at first, but it’s a friendly move that takes the strain off of your knee. “Can I tell you something?”
“Of course you can.”
“I’ve started to care a whole lot less about being weird since I met you.”
You fight the urge to touch his hair. “I don’t think it’s about caring, Spence, I just.. don’t feel right.”
“Okay.” He nods sincerely. “Okay, well, we can work it out. We’re still hours from Virginia, you can turn your brain off. We can work it out.”
You’re relieved to have him promise it. This isn’t the sort of thing you can work out, but it doesn’t matter, Spencer caring this much makes all the difference. You take a deep, deep breath, and you give him a grateful smile, before you rest your cheek on his shoulder. That’s just wanting, no weird feeling or jittering at the root of you as he lets a warm breath kiss your forehead, his nose pressing into your skin.
“Don’t let anybody see,” you mumble.
His next breath is a little shaky. “I won’t.”
See what, you’re not sure. But soon you start to feel less like you’re gonna try popping open an emergency window, and that’s enough for now.
#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid scenario#spencer reid drabble#spencer reid fic#spencer reid fanfiction
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WE FIGHT AND MAKE UP — ALHAITHAM
⋆。˚ ❀ summary: you and alhaitham get into a heated argument and give each other the cold shoulder. at night, you sleep on the couch and alhaitham comes out to find you. ⋆。˚ ❀ contents: gn!reader, established relationship, fluff, kaveh cameo ⋆。˚ ❀ wc: 0.9k+ ⋆。˚ ❀ a/n: this little drabble has made me fall in love with alhaitham i am currently commissioning some selfship art as we speak i love this man pls enjoy if ur a fellow alhaitham lover :>
It wasn’t often you and Alhaitham truly fought. But the few times you did, it usually started with abnormally raised voices and ended in silent treatment that lasted late into the night.
At a certain point in time, the silent treatment would go on for so long, it became more like a battle of perseverance— Who would cave and speak to the other first?
You were stubborn, you had to admit, but Alhaitham could take it to a whole new level. Even when you tried to extend an olive branch, he would continue to keep to himself and draw out the silence between you.
You huffed as you wrapped a blanket around you. Kaveh had passed by your sorry state bundled up on the couch and wordlessly brought you a spare pillow and blanket. If there was anyone who understood Alhaitham’s stubbornness even more than you, it would have to be his roommate for years and former friend since the Akademiya, Kaveh.
There was no explanation needed as Kaven patted you on the head before going back into his own room.
Sighing, you laid down on the couch in the cold living room while Alhaitham was likely warm and cozy, snuggled up in bed without you.
Dejected, you turned to your side and hugged the pillow Kaven gave. At this point, you were no longer even mad at Alhaitham. Sure, the two of you blew up on each other, but the heat simmered out and you were ready to make up and move on.
It was too bad Alhaitham wasn’t, you thought to yourself, glaring at the cushion in front of you.
You tossed and turned into the late of night, unable to get comfortable when your thoughts were focused on your boyfriend you were apparently still fighting with. Just as you were about to give up on sleep for the rest of the night, you heard a door creak open and the sound of footsteps coming from down the hall.
Thinking it was only Kaveh again, you sat up and signed loudly, hugging your knees to your chest.
“You’re still out here?”
Your spine straightened when you realized that voice was certainly not Kaveh. It was lower, deeper, much more familiar. Alhaitham.
Letting out an exhale, you shrugged without turning around to face him. “Where else would I go?”
Alhaitham sighed, walking around the sofa and taking a seat next to you, keeping a respectable distance away.
“You could go back to our bed,” he said quietly.
When you didn’t respond, he ran his hand through his hair in frustration.
“I’m sorry, Y/N.”
You peered up at him with a look of reservation on your face.
“I’m sorry for letting you stay out here alone for so long,” he continued in a strained tone.
You examined him, heart softening when you saw his tired and worn eyes, red skin at the edges. Although he hated showing it, you could easily see how much he was effected by this argument.
“I’m really sorry. Won’t you come back to our room? I…miss you.”
Your resolve cracked after hearing those words. All you wanted for the past few hours was to make up. Now that he was the one holding up the peace flag, you toyed with the idea of making him grovel to make up for it. But a bigger part of you simply wanted to be in his arms again.
“I miss you, too, Haith,” you said, moving closer to him. “I’m sorry for being so stubborn.”
Alhaitham gently took your hand into his and gave it a squeeze. “Perhaps we were both a little obstinate. But I love you too much to allow this stalemate to continue on.”
You nodded in agreement, burrowing your head into the crook of his neck. Breathing in deeply, you took in his familiar scent and let it warm your heart.
“I hate the silent treatment,” you proclaimed, sniffling haughtily. “Let’s never do it again. I’m sorry for being a meanie.”
Alhaitham chuckled before planting a kiss on your forehead. “I was mean, too. I’m sorry for that. And you are forgiven.” He leaned his chin against the top of your head, not applying his full weight. “Now, let’s go to bed?”
“Yes, please.” You stood up slowly beside him. “I’m so tired. I can’t believe we were fighting for this loong over the existence of aliens!”
He snorted, shaking his head in disbelief. “Our debates can get heated at times. But I enjoy that about us. Always being agreeable is too…mundane.”
“I second that. But I just still can’t believe you don’t think aliens are real! In a world where gods and dragons exist… Aliens of all things are too farfetched?”
“Y/N,” he said in a warning tone.
You giggled, ruffling the top of his head with an exaggerated pat. “Okay, okay. Tonight, we make peace. I get it.”
“Mhm.” Alhaitham began walking to your room, holding your hand as you followed behind him. “Tonight, we make up. Tomorrow, we prepare our arguments and have a more structured debated.”
“Kaven can moderate the discussion,” you offered.
Alhaitham nodded. “I am agreeable to those terms. For now, please get in bed with me.”
You grinned at his pleas, closing the door behind you as you tackled him into a giant hug. “How about you kiss me first?”
Alhaitham smiled as he obliged, cupping your cheek in his warm hand. “As you wish, my love.”
#alhaitham x reader#genshin x reader#genshin impact x reader#haitham x reader#alhaitham x you#alhaitham x y/n#genshin x you#genshin imagines#genshin fluff#alhaitham imagines#genshin impact#alhaitham
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hey!! i saw ur recent post about the tulpar crew walking in on reader touching themselves, could u do the same but vice versa?
Ask and ye shall receive!
𓇻 ft. tulpar crew x gn reader
𓇻 content. 18+ content, minors dni. possible second hand embarrassment. masturbation, sexual propositions, the whole shebang. this is a sequel to this post. this one can definitely be read on its own though. lightly implied that reader didn't accept swansea or daisuke's offers in the prequel but that can be left up to interpretation. jimmy's definitely happened though.
𓇻 enjoy! feel free to like, reblog, or send in asks!
Masterlist - Want to Join my Taglist?
Curly is just so damn tired. Tired of the reports, faxes, checking the straps in the cargo bay. One of the few downtimes he gets is when he can sit and watch the constellations pass on the common room monitor. The Augira, Constantine and Mitena were all ones that he recognized from this sect of the system, all penned from the eyes of Saturn and further.
Movies are a scarce commodity on the screen, given Jimmy's track record of not wanting to hook the systems up, but it helps him nod off most times.
Working out, though? Working out he can do. Pony Express has given him permission to bring his weights on board, alongside a slew of magazines and audiobooks to listen to.
While Curly doesn't think of himself as a gym rat, those moments to himself are some of the best. Nothing but the burn of iron, the strain of his muscles with each rep. It's methodical work, one that sets his mind at ease and off of reports for once.
Some days, he can get Jimmy in on the action, but most of the time his co-pilot bemoans it. Each time they worked out, the stretches between the next session grew longer.
He's pleased when you agree to attend a few sessions with him. By then, it's almost amicable between you two, as if him walking in you didn't even happen. He's very much acted the part of a dutiful captain, though, he can't help his own eyes from wandering when he sees you stretch. Can't help himself from putting his hands firmly on you when he goes to correct your stance. It doesn't linger, doesn't wander, but goddamn, does he wish he could throw propriety out the window.
It's after one of his solo workout sessions when he chooses another way to unwind. Really, that's the only explanation for it. One that he tells himself anyway, because the strain of propriety is heavy. If he still thinks of you from time to time, if your face crops up in his thoughts while he touches himself, that's his business.
The only places you'd catch him in the act is either in the bathroom or his room.
Curly has always been imaginative, thoughts trailing to roads not travelled, paths that burn out of sight. Of you, sprawled out on the bed, and how he wished he had stayed. How he'd have given anything to hike your legs over his waist and kiss you senseless when he slid against you.
As it always is, every fantasy comes to an abrupt end. Every night that he had dreamed of walking in to find you waiting, you found him. Wifebeater drenched in sweat, towel draped over his shoulders, every line of his well built body on display, hand fisted around his cock.
There's a difference between wishing you'd walk in on him and actually receiving it.
A painful, terse moment lingers between you two, tension so thick he swears he can cut it. His hand completes the motion, wiping from his base to the tip, each breath deep. Despite how uncomfortable he felt (for more than one reason), he also felt more prepared. "Hold on a minute." He'll cover himself, boxers and uniform hiding himself from view.
If you believe you could flee from the room without Curly following you, you're dead wrong. He'll track you down, put this to bed once and for all. He'll catch you, half-dressed in his uniform, blue workwear draped around his waist, hand against the wall. "We have to talk about this."
Regardless if you stay or leave, not talking about it is no longer an option. You've both seen more of each other than was warranted, then what you both signed up for, but dammit he wants this. And he's so tired of shying away from things that he wants. From the person that he wants. All because of some higher-ups sitting cozy back home saying that it's wrong to do. He can't do it anymore, not when he feels like he's on the cusp of something great for once in his life.
"I know that what happened isn't what either of us expected," he'll start, voice low and perhaps far too sensual to be appropriate considered his half-dressed state. "And frankly, we can keep it to ourselves, pretend we never saw it." Biting the bullet is one of the fewest things he's done in life, but this is something that he wants to do. By fractions, Curly leans in closer, his voice entering a low murmur. "But... it doesn't have to be. We could give each other a.. hand, so to speak."
Routine. That's one thing that the Tulpar is good at. Routine. Each meal time, the rigid necessity of clocking in and out on time, even bathing. Pony Express may be a shit machine but it's well oiled, worked raw by the people under it. Delivering the payload is a smooth easy task because they all work on it together.
Part of that routine is shift work. Jimmy, ever the night-owl, works evening and night shift. This makes it so incredibly easy to avoid him if you wanted, especially since he walked in on you tending to yourself.
But he doesn't let you forget it. Since that moment, there's a smoldering heat in his gaze, eyes hooded as he watches you go about the room. Watched as you did your tasks, always standing too close - enough that you can get a whiff of his woodsy cologne, or feel his arm against yours.
He's almost helpful, even when your tasks really don't necessitate the need for another. His hands linger, hot against your uniform, his hips against the back of yours whenever he steadied you, or reached above you. Each word a rumble in his throat.
Except there's never really any change to talk to him about what happened. Not when every moment is tense, fraught with unresolved desires and need. Not when Daisuke or Curly walk into the room, silencing the burning questions and words that haunt your lips. Jimmy seems especially disgruntled about the interruptions, getting almost snappy towards the other crewmembers.
All in all, you rarely have a moment to speak with him. It's the furthest thing from your mind when you step out of the shower, more than eager to collapse face first into bed and sleep the weariness away.
If you're the sort to bring clothes into the washroom to change into, the absence of them is noted fast. No amount of scrounging around turns them up either. At a loss, it's to your sleeping quarters to wrangle up something else to wear.
Except you're very much not alone the second you step into your door. The door swishes behind you but you're effectively grounded, eyes drawn to the man lounging on your bed.
His head is tilted, messy hair falling across his hooded eyes, a dark and smoldering look to them. A slow stretch of a smirk crawls across his face, a pleased look darting into his eyes.
Jimmy is just as bare as the day he was born, an arm languidly thrown over your pillow. A leg bent up, not at all coy about having himself on display. His other arm is resting against his thigh, one hand smoothing along his flushed cock in a slow, slick motion. His fingerstips are all but slathered in precum - or actual cum, as you might suspiciously think when you look at your clothes haphazardly thrown onto the floor, looking sticky.
"There you are. Took you long enough." He breathes out your name, chin tilted upward, something primal lurking deep in his eyes. Jimmy clicks his tongue, ever the disapproving copilot. "You should know better than to keep someone waiting." Despite the curt, wanting tone to his words, he doesn't move towards you. Letting you go to him. Like he knows you will.
"I've been thinking," each word is low and deep, husky in his mouth. Jimmy's hand very much doesn't stop moving, stroking himself as you're rooted to the spot. Whenever you glance down between his thighs, his smirk deepens. "That you owe me for what I did for you."
It's not like you could dance around the topic forever; each touch, every interrupted conversation, it all would have culminated to this. Jimmy waiting for you, eager to put his hands back on you, to feel you tremble and shudder beneath him as he pulls you apart.
The thing was, you realize, it'd be terribly easy to leave him here. To not respond to his advances. The door was to your back and even Jimmy had enough sense not to walk out nude in pursuit of you. It'd be easy to walk to another crewmate's quarters and pilfer clothes. It'd be laughed off, brushed under the rug just as another incident, excused as you being unable to enter your room because of 'technical difficulties'.
The thing is, though, you can clearly remember how his hands felt, the way he moved. How Jimmy watched you with the same intensity now, his eyes a dark promise of a repeat experience, if not more.
You don't really want to refuse such an offer, do you?
Try as Anya might, she can't get the image of you out of her head. The sounds you made, how your hands moved. She'd tried to be civil, though how quickly she averts her gaze and fidgety hands betray how much it affected her. Nerves, she'd try to excuse it. Nothing ever related to you, of course, because that sounds too much like blame. She blames herself for walking in on you masturbating, and blames herself for wishing that she hadn't left.
But by god, did it make her needy and so sexually frustrated. She's found every excuse under the sun to touch you then jerk back, at war with herself. She has to act professional. Doesn't she?
Something about you, seeing you like that, had coiled something burning inside of her. Something hot, that festered low in her gut.
For the most part, she can act professional. Mostly. But she can only get so far from letting her eyes trace your silhouette, from sitting on her leg whenever you talk to her. It's risky business, even riskier when she decides to keeps a few tokens of yours. Things that smell like you, even distantly - papers, a bracelet. Things that you've lent to her before.
It's been a while since she got laid, since she's even been attracted to anyone. But something about you just sets her on fire, burning with want and need. She needs you like she's never needed anyone before.
Realistically, Anya knows it's because of the forbidden nature; because of the close proximity day in and day out, but there's something so tantalizingly beautiful about it too. She's a sucker for it.
One of her favourite places to get off is in the medbay; she can lock herself in it - but she doesn't. Because it's so much more tantalizing when she thinks about you walking in. When she thinks about pressing you against the desk and using her medical expertise on you. She wants to hear you - taste you - feel you. Is that too much to ask for?
That's exactly where you catch her. Her breath coming out in hot breaths, eyes shut tightly, uniform pulled open. It'd be so easy to mistake it for something else, such as the room being hot - if it weren't for where her hands were.
One has all but ridden up her shirt, rolling the peak of her breast between her fingers. The zipper has gone all the way down to her waist, one hand curled tightly in her underwear, motions jerky as she fingers herself.
Every inch of her wishes that it was you, your fingers working her over, touching her clit and prodding at her walls. She feels so close, having edged herself for a bit until you came in.
It was just to ask her her input on supper, or for a nonsensical question that very well could have waited for another moment.
The door swishes shut behind you and her eyes flutter, dark as she looks up at you, flush all but crawling up her neck.
Seeing how you look at her - how you came to look for her- needing her for something, a question halfway on your lips - and it's her undoing. She moans your name, guttural and hoarse, hips jerking, dripping over her knuckles. "Wait-" Singlehandedly one of the better orgasms she's had, better than when she pined endlessly.
When her senses come back, Anya is breathless and shaken - and you're long gone.
She's not letting you go this time. Not when a new, burning question lodges inside her. Did you like what you see? Did you wish you weren't there?
Anya approaches your door at night, knocking crisply and when you grant entrance, she stands there, the atmosphere almost palpably awkward. She takes a few steps closer, feeling flighty and desperate, eyes searching your face, whispering your name.
"I'm sorry you had to see that," she whispers, voice low in the room, nerves biting at her throat. She can't not know anymore. "But I'm... glad that you did."
"Is this.. tension between us all in my head, or, do you want me too?"
It's one thing after the next. Couplings came loose, Daisuke's homework is not up to par, the lightbulbs need to be changed but no one seems capable of doing it. It all amounts to a sort of frustration winding up in him. Swansea has enough grace not to lash out at anyone, but it's there, palpable in his tone.
By some saving grace, you're willing to help him out with his work. Passing over screwdrivers and wrenches, new copper wire as he needs it. Swansea has noticed that you're attentive and eager like that; willing to help. Sometimes, he really wished you were his intern instead of Daisuke, not that he blames the kid.
He really needs a damn beer.
Wanking out his frustrations as a teenager and young adult had really suited him just fine, and with each passing day, it becomes a far more likely possibility.
It surely does not help when every little moment with you feels charged. Knuckles brushing when you supply him with mechanic tools, or when his arm brushed against your thigh as he steadied the ladder for you.
Swansea finds his gaze lingering.. on how your uniform bunches, the sway of your walk, the excited chatter to your tone when you've launched into some spiel or other. Each look he gives you is in quiet contemplation, though perhaps not as obvious as to why.
He's long since brushed off your curious questions.
It's when Anya outright slipped and fell over an oil spill that Swansea called it quits. There's only so many small annoyances that he could take before it became a hazardous snowstorm.
After it's suitably cleaned, he tried to find a place to tuck himself away. Keyword: tried. Something else always needed to be fixed, and he had enough years under his belt to know the ins and out of everything. Leaky faucet? Hold his glass. Vaccuum given up? He's got it. Curly, goddammit, he has it.
It's so grueling to find a moment of peace, so he takes what he can. That just so happened to be in the utility room, frustrations to a boiling point.
He knows his body, knows just the right way to stroke himself, the perfect amount of pressure. Learned it long since his youthful days, since his amicable divorce from his wife. Sure, it might feel mechanic at a certain point, but to him, it was a small reprieve. A getaway that only booze came close to.
Foreskin pulled back, his head is tucked low, eyes heavily lidded, fingertips pressing under the tip of the head just like he likes.
Swansea has himself sticky with precum when the utility door rattles and open. "Swansea, I found your keys-"
His eyes track up, eyebrows raised. Whatever hasty attempt you may have made, it's blocked by the aging mechanics of the utility door. It's from an older rig, one that still uses keys instead of the security bars that the medbay and cockpit use. Which means it's faulty as shit.
He sighs, head tipped back, eyes still on you. "That's on me for not leaving a sock out there," he grumbles, voice gruff and husky. A reference to how he told you to ward off people when he caught you masturbating earlier.
Moving his hand from his cock, his gaze is surprisingly steady, arm draped against the back of the chair. "Listen, kid, I won't say shit about this if you don't. Keep it jammed tight better than a olive jar when making margaritas. But." He rolls his neck, feeling a satisfying crack run through him. "I can show ya a few things that the ole cap' or other men won't, if yer interested."
Daisuke has been, for lack of a better word, edgy around you. Hovering, then trying to create distance. He can't seem to decide how to act around you. Not when he's seen you that way, pleasuring yourself. When he wishes you'd involve him.
He's seen plenty of naked people before, got hard over them, but wow, did you take it to the next level. Even how you tilt your head or roll up your sleeves has him in an outright tizzy, straining hard in his pants.
Daisuke often has to excuse himself from your presence. Ignoring Swansea's rolling eyes and knowing scoffs is easy; ignoring you is harder.
It's during one of those mundane tasks, where you're prattling about your work to the others, his eyes glued to your form, absorbing every word that he can't take it anymore. Excusing himself, he pops right out of the room, awkwardly striking towards his bunk.
But of course that is the exact moment you decide you need to return his gameboy - or comic, or whatever he had lent you a few weeks prior.
Daisuke is completely in the groove, pants folded down, back propped to the wall, knees folded and lips parted with each heavy breath. He's always been loud, noisy and boisterous. But his saving (and falling) grace is that he's also often playing movies in his room, and what muffled sounds you may hear from the other side of the door is easily chalked up to that. (Or perhaps, you knew.)
You catch him like that, hand fisted around his lean cock, shirt ridden up over his stomach, his movements sharp and jerky. It's bad enough that you walk in on him like this - but another to hear Daisuke rattle out your name, the sound breathy and full of want coming from his lips.
He's a poor, flushed mess, eyes wide when he looks up at you - and it's so plainly obvious to the both of you that he didn't call out because he heard you come in.
"I- I can totally explain." Except he really can't, can he, when he has his dick in his hand, just moaning your name literally seconds ago.
Any attempt to backtrack out of the room will be greeted with a hasty, "Oh my god, no, pleasewait!" As he all but tries to leap from his bed, tripping over his pants in his haste to get to you. Daisuke is nothing but determined and will try to talk to you about this, even if you manage to successfully flee.
Choosing to stay has him utterly red-faced, almost ashamed as he rambles through a tirade of, "Okay, so," punctuated by repeated, stumbled phrases before he manages to get out, "So, me calling out your name just now - total accident. Unlessyoudon'twantittobe? But, like, I definitely understand if you want to leave but I'dreallyratheryoustaybecause I really can't stop thinking about you and, - oh hey, is that my gameboy? You can just set it-- that's not important! I just. Really don't want you to leave. Please."
#;;that is a rare gift#;;you have my bow and my axe#;;gone with you to the end#//daisuke begging and screaming on his knees (literally)#as he deserves#mouthwashing#mouthwashing x reader#mouthwashing x y/n#mouthwashing x you#mouthwashing curly x reader#curly x reader#curly x you#curly x y/n#mouthwashing jimmy x reader#jimmy x reader#jimmy x y/n#jimmy x you#mouthwashing anya x reader#anya x reader#anya x you#anya x y/n#mouthwashing swansea x reader#swansea x reader#swansea x you#swansea x y/n#mouthwashing daisuke x reader#daisuke x reader#daisuke x y/n#daisuke x you#//did you know there's a tag limit? it keeps auto deleting my tags smh. anyway. this is queued.
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guys guys guys
my shitty dad is gonna be at my nephew's baptism "reception" on saturday and he's bringing a date how mean can i be?
ALSO my sister's in-laws are gonna be there and i want to like. not look like an absolute cunt since i'm godmother to my nephew
#listen if he wasn't a shitty dad i'd be like whatever ur marriagr failed try again ig#BUT he did tell me as a kid he was gonna drown me and burn my skin off#and he was abusive in others ways to my sisters#and he was shitty to my mom the whole marriage (she also sucks but technically less)#he also may have tried to kill me? like the memory of that is blurred but the explanation doesn't match up w what happened#when i was like 5 or 6#i haven't talked to him in about a year and a half BUT he's still had visitation w my brother and been real shitty to him#my sister's in-laws are from spain btw and just visiting for like a week#also my dad used to like. intentionally set off my mom's allergies by putting shit she was allergic to in her stuff#and her allergies were bad enough she'd go blind and shit and kept having to get steroid shots so. context
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