#UPDATE on reflection it’s probably a bigger problem that i’ve been at this job for less than six months but already have a habit of going

[revelationoh]

i think it’s ridiculous that in 2023 we don’t have a consistent, reliable way to type out en- and em dashes in every single platform, but the visceral reaction i just had to someone telling me to change it back to a hyphen was maybe a little overboard

[sordidmusings]

Just a life update and opening!

Brought up because of an ask wondering if I still do stuff here so I figured I'd put out some of whats goin on if anyone is interested! Also throwing it into the void of the internet feels less guilt inducing than forcing it on specific people especially after how overwhelmed folks tend to be cuz I'm bad at metering it out and not just being like 'light jokes about struggle that don't scratch the surface or say anything meaningful' and 'here is all the dark lore' 💀 It's also been a struggle because there really does sometimes feel like theres a whole ass language barrier within your own language when you're AuDHD.

I do still do headcanons and write and draw and yada yada there’s just been quite a bit happening and I’m doing poorly at keeping up with life maintenance let alone things I enjoy 🥴 with writing especially in my hobbies I find myself discouraged in what feels like poor quality of my writing and seeing that reflected back to me because I am Weak 💀 general overview of some of the bigger problems below the cut if you’re interested but I won’t bother y’all with the whole picture! Will be more a summary/overview/alluding to things over getting into gory details. Basically a lot will be covered but I won’t force anything below the broad strokes on y'all.

The end is an ask for people to please reach out if they are struggling so please take that seriously. I offer a space with me but please find wherever in this world you are at least somewhat comfortable and have someone be there with you while you process 🤍 I will have a header above that little piece just incase you'd like to skip to only reading that which is completely fine!

CW for mental health talks, allusions to family issues, references to rape and abuse, death by suicide, and suicidal ideation.

What's Up, Doc?

Between hospitalizations (old and new issues and unfortunate near misses 🤡), my couple jobs (the days my body ain’t tryin to give up and even some days it still is means back to the grindstone. Thank you capitalistic overlords 💀), money stresses (medical debt plus just like y'all know shit ain’t the best for most everyone rn), the spring struggle (nightmares + flashbacks get worse from seasonal + anniversaries of men not caring for consent amongst other things lmaoooo), the mental health slew (diagnosed with AuDHD and most of the big hitters besides a personality disorder), and a few other life happenings and old traumas I’m doing a terrible job at everything 🤡 most of it ain’t new so I know all the proper things to do to help for everything from years of therapy and managing the symptoms and all that but dotting my i’s and crossing my t’s hasn’t been offering any relief for a long while so I’m floundering and quite exhausted.

The health issues making everything difficult and painful ain’t helping but I’m also not being the best at taking care of some of them because Why Bother 💀 Many are issues I’ve had for years that ebb and flow in severity and I’m just tired of feeling them and having to manage them. I’m sure any of you with chronic issues understand the feeling well. Those with years and years of major depressive disorder probably also understand the frustration and exhaustion and guilt with knowing you should enjoy something, you WANT to enjoy it, but your body just can’t produce the reaction it should.

I tend to isolate because I’m managing it poorly enough that the topic tends to crop up with the closer few if they ask and that goes Badly cuz, even if they think they won’t, people get uncomfy with the topics which just makes me feel Worse from guilt and sometimes frustration from it being passed over for their comfort or lack of understanding. I am lucky enough to have more recently found one person who Gets It and a beloved soul from lovely old Jersey came back into my life so the bigger problem in that situation is me allowing myself to consistently receive support from them 🤡 One’s so sweet always telling me I can call any time and the other is of the same vein and my dumbass brain keeps being like “but that would bother them” or the usual “you deserve to get worse not get help” 🤡🤡🤡. Clown ass behavior.

Also some bad coping mechanisms make my typing and communication sloppy as hell and I’m quite ashamed of that so best hide that away while it’s going on 💀 due to insistence that it’s Fine I have forgone that instinct to what feels like very Poor Result 🥴 ah the eternal struggle between needing to be Seen to fight the sense of isolation and worthlessness but also being petrified of being perceived while imperfect. Not having any of the connections really be in person doesn’t help too much with feelings isolation because I don't really have anyone around me besides parents that have literally said "why are you making us deal with this" about the intentional near death miss 💀💀💀 my immediate world feels very much like it wants me gone in explicit and subtle ways but c'est la vie. Beggars can’t be choosers so at this point I’m likely just being ungrateful 🤡

One thing making it harder to keep trying is my folks’ years of insistence that I don’t understand my own experience and I’m just dramatic and make things up. It’s an echo of many painful experiences including a whole group intentionally playing games with my sense of reality to enable their friend’s abuse (they got unconsensual nudes from him out of it so that’s worth the price of treating someone like that right?). Such is life.

One of the new things I’m uncertain how to approach handling properly is the grief and such shifting back to the forefront from the first anniversary of my childhood brother figure being taken from us by his bipolar depression. I have known people taken by suicide before but not this close to home. My childhood wasn’t the happiest but he and his family were a bright place in it. His little sister was my best friend in the whole world through my childhood and their family treated me more like family than my own. He was the best mix of a good and bad influence in an older brother figure I could’ve wished for. He fought long and hard but exhaustion hits us all, sometimes even with proper help. What eternally pains me is knowing how helpless and scared he must have felt and even worse how absolutely alone he felt. That was his last feeling in this life. I can only hope that more than anything, whatever happens next is giving him relief, peace, and rest.

Talk on reaching out below!

On that note, if any of you experience suicidality too, my messages (or ask if you’re more comfy on anon) are always open. This is an issue that’s been in my life in many forms since I was 12, so I will not shy away from you or your thoughts. Even if shared with something uncomfortable or "ugly", I find the discomfort of sitting with someone’s pain negligible in comparison to being the one in pain so why not prioritize that person in their need? It’s also negligible under the importance of truly holding space to process those hurts and stresses instead of just simple little niceties.

I am not the best at being active but if I see any of these messages especially we will truly talk. I know how insanely isolating and disappointing it can feel when someone offers support to be nice and then shoves to the next topic or barely responds because it makes them uncomfortable. It is a bitter pill we must often swallow to forgive those who think they will help for making things worse because they have bit off more than they can chew. It is also a bitter feeling that that reaffirms to us that by our very nature, we are too much to handle and are too much to deal with for sharing our internal space and circumstance. But at the same time, all of us are simply human so who am I to malign someone for making mistakes or being imperfect? So long as someone truly wants to try, there is all the reason in the world to give them grace.

Qualifications kind of???

The one good thing that has come from a lot of the experiences that I’ve gone through is that it has forced perspective on me and forced me to learn skills in holding space, validating, and connecting to others in immense pain. No one is perfect in this skill (even therapists struggle - the number who have said they don’t know where to start untangling the traumas or who have cried at it and in turn needed comfort 💀 a strange experience I know my darling at least gets too lol) but I have found in both giving and receiving that honesty and openness is W A Y more important than being perfect.

This is something I’ve watched more people struggle with than not as life circumstances has not made it so that they must learn the skill at the same time that there are resources to learn it, so I may make more posts with advice for it than the bit I go through here. I’m not a licensed therapist so this isn’t going to be a clinical breakdown of how to be someone’s therapist but I would consider my experience as a confidant, consistent reading up on psychological and related sociological research, and experience going through various forms of therapy worthy of giving solid advice. Unfortunately, co-morbidities and resistant brain chemistry really make using the skills on myself Difficult 💀 but as brief examples of experience for validity speaking on this, I’ve been to a lot of group therapy where licensed therapists literally coach you on this, guided a safe space/group for SA survivors in college, coached friends who couldn’t afford therapy through suicidality or abusive situations, and coached survivors through feelings and decisions when deciding whether or not to charge or going through the process of charging their abuser. All of which is much easier to be effective to people you know irl but the support online can be nothing to snub your nose at either. None of this is to say I'm perfect or exceptional - neither is true - just that I’ve had circumstances and experiences that afford me a bit of extra knowledge in this.

In the vast majority of cases, someone who is struggling and coming to you for help wants you to be there - your thoughts, your feelings, your perspective. They don’t want someone sitting uncomfortably and saying the occasional “sorry” they want engagement because more than anything they don’t want to be alone. In a basic example, if you find yourself freezing when someone comes to you with something you don’t know how to handle, instead of saying nothing or only short cliches due to fear of making a mistake, be honest about that. “I’m not sure what to say right now to be honest because that’s so much to deal with. I can’t imagine having to live with that all the time. Is there anything in it frustrating you the most or that you’re having the most difficulty tackling?”. This is active listening and engagement. You are being honest with where you are at so they aren’t guessing what you’re thinking, you are showing that you see how overwhelming the situation is, especially for the person who has to live with it. If you can’t handle a conversation where these issues exist, how do you think it feels to live with them day in and day out, sometimes for years or the majority of a life?

Asking questions is SUPER important too. Trust the other person to only share what they are comfortable with and don’t assume all questions are bad. Asking questions is one of the truest and simplest ways to show you care because why would you want to know more if you don’t give a shit? Asking questions is also very helpful and one of the reasons talking to others about your issues is important - it gives the person struggling something to react to and give perspective. It helps them process the issue in ways they won’t be able to do by themselves. This may make the process sound slightly manufactured but I promise it’s not, especially as it becomes second nature to know what thing to use when. Communication is a skill so advice around it will inherently make it sound more clinical than the actual process is.

People are also not a monolith so while this type of being there works for the vast majority some people may not like it. That is also where communication comes in - check in with the person on if this is helping and what isn't helpful. Make sure to adjust when you make a mistake.

Conclusion

I’m happy to hold space for other issues as well. I’m no replacement for a therapist but I’ve been a helpful supplement to many people I knew struggling throughout the years so I’m at least okay at that! Since I’m doing pretty bad functionally right now the help won’t be as consistent as I wish but I will give whatever is in my power just like these things deserve. I hope to get better soon so that I can properly offer a stronger foundation of support outward again 🤍

[thewebcomicsreview]

hussie said a thing abt the epilogues reddit. com/r/homestuck/comments/cuywff/the_homestuck_epilogues_bridges_and_offramps_new/

I also think many of the negative feelings the story creates isn’t just an urgent prompt for the reader to imagine different ideas, or ways to resolve the new narrative dilemmas. It’s also an opportunity for people to discuss any of the difficult content critically, and for fandom in general to continue developing the tools for processing the negative emotions art can generate. Sorting that out has to be a communal experience, and it’s an important part of the cycle between creating and criticizing art. I think not only can creators develop their skills to create better things by practicing and taking certain risks, fandom is something which can develop better skills as well. Skills like critical discussion, dealing constructively with negative feelings resulting from the media they consume, interacting with each other in more meaningful ways, and trying to understand different points of view outside of the factions within fandom that can become very hardened over time. Fandoms everywhere tend to get bad reputations for various reasons, maybe justifiably. But I don’t see why it can’t be an objective to try to improve fandom, just as creators can improve their work. And I think this can only happen if now and then fandoms are seriously challenged, by being encouraged to think about complex ideas, and made to feel difficult emotions. I believe when art creates certain kinds of negative feelings in people, it can lead to some of the most transformative experiences art has to offer. But it helps to be receptive to this idea for these experiences to have a positive net effect on your life, and your relationship with art.

Christ, he’s gone full Lennon. Imagine a good ending. I wonder if you can.

So, I’ve mentioned this a few times, but the most transformative art has ever been for me was a comic that actually started on the Homestuck forums

Prequel - Or - Making The Cat Cry: The Adventure - is a comic written by Kazared loosely based on the Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. It’s about a Khajiit girl named Katia who moves to OblivionLand to make a new life for herself, and the comic spent years building Katia up to bigger and bigger heights so that every time she crashed she crashed harder than ever before. The second time she relapses into alcoholism is where a lot of readers give up on the comic for being misery porn.

There’s a point where she she’s solved all her problems and even gets to join the mages guild - her lifelong dream - only for the woman running the Kvatch mage guild to mild control her into giving up all her stuff, including the stuff important to Katia’s only friend.  Katia is left naked on the streets literally digging through trash in the vain hope of trying to find a solution to at least one of her problems. And what she finds is a bottle of beer.

Twice already in this comic Katia hit a really bad patch and started drinking again. The comic has twice made us root for Katia to succeed, only to jump cut to her waking up in a stranger’s bed with no memory of what happened. 

She wanders into an empty church (OBVIOUS SYMBOLISM ALERT), and alternates between trying to find some supplies and fantasizing about everything magically getting fixed, which slowly morphs into fantasizing about drinking while getting increasingly furious at barrels for not having clothes in them.

One thing. You wanted one thing and you were too much of a fucking idiot to realize it was hopeless and pointless and bound to ruin everything. Stuck on some childish idea that you could be anything, do anything, and just be some selfish bitch that’s never happy with what she has. Fuck, you don’t even know what you’re mad at anymore, you just hate yourself and everything you ever ruined for yourself and everyone and want to stop thinking about what a worthless mindless thoughtless imbecile you are. You just want to stop fucking thinking about it.

You drop onto the chapel floor and just cry. You cry and cry because you’re stupid and easy and can’t fix anything no matter how hard you try. You cry because your best is worse than everyone else’s average. You cry because your parents never loved you and you’re a disappointment to everyone, even yourself. You cry because all you wanted was to be someone and that’s never going to happen. And when that’s done, you cry a little more because you’re ashamed of being such a crybaby.

You try to get all the emotions out, try to clear your mind and maybe, just maybe feel ready to tackle the night ahead of you, feel as though this is the time you finally turn things around. But no matter how hard you try, how hard you weep and bawl and try to get it all out, you’re still just a fuckup. No matter what you try, that knowledge is still there, gripping onto your every thought and reminding you that things are never going to change.

You’re not strong. You’re not a hero. You’re not even worthy of the name Katia Managan. You’re sad and angry and nothing makes sense, but you know this is probably the clearest your head is going to get.

Someday, things are going to get better. Someday, you are going to fight and persevere and everything will feel great. You think.But for now, you know what you have to do.

And at the very least, there is no way you could possibly make yourself feel any worse.

Katia, for the first time, manages to avoid drowning drinking. She overcomes her issues. And you know what happens next?

She accidentally sets the church on fire, because this is still Prequel. She passes out from smoke inhalation, and then there’s….

this, and then she wakes up and reflects on her managing to stay on the wagon.

Honestly, you just feel… kind of numb.

You fucked up. You lost everything you earned, were discarded by the people you looked up to most, gave away the package you were supposed to be delivering to pay your friend back, completely lost control of your powers, and after passing out naked in a church have probably ruined any chance you might have had at a good reputation in Kvatch. You were a wreck last night when this was all happening, but now… you guess it just feels like you’ve run out of sad. You’re just confused.

Personally, I think this stuff is way darker than anything that happens in the Homestuck Epilogues, which is mostly just over-the-top Warhammer 40k grimderp. This shit got to me, man. And around the time this is happening in the comic, I lost my job. And as the storyline continued past this point, I kept applying for jobs and getting turned down, and it started to really wear on me, I felt I had no useful skills, since my old job was supporting software that only that company used because they made it. Much like Katia got into great positions only to fail, I walked out of interviews thinking I’d aced it only to get turned down, while Katia kept making two-steps-forward-one-step-back advances and not really getting any closer to solving any of her issues. And one day, about six weeks into joblessless and starting to get into serious depression over it, I got two “Thanks but no thanks” calls from places I was feeling good about back to back, and I was just done. 10am and I was going to go into my room and lie down on the floor all day but first Prequel updated so I guess I’ll check it real quick oh hey a flash

This puzzle took me like 20 tries, I’m no good at them. Aggy ran out of inspiring dialogue and started looping. And if you’re not in the right mindset, in the right place, this probably doesn’t seem like much. But right there, a month and a half into unemployment, doing that stupid fucking jumping jumpy peg thing while a ghost cheered me on was life-changing. I was so fucking jazzed when I got it, I was fired up! I was so fired up I tabled my “lie on the floor all day in despair” plan, and started applying for a bunch of jobs. A few of those jobs called me back. One hired me. I still work there now. I always liked webcomics but Aggy Extrapolate is the reason I make them. Because good art is powerful. Good art changes lives, maybe even saves them. And it doesn’t need to be happy to do it, Katia still hasn’t succeeded at her goals (in part because Prequel updates at a rate Dresden Codak would make fun of).

What the hell did the Homestuck Epilogues do, by comparison? What’s the positive net effect on my life, or my interaction with art? “Sometimes things you like are bad”? Shit, man, I already knew that, I’m into wrestling. How is “John recognizes Terezi’s jizz on his dad’s car” supposed to make me a better person, exactly? Do you really think the problem with fandoms is that they’re not angry enough? Are you high, Andrew Hussie? 

[hoeassproductions]

Break A Leg: Chapter 1

MasterList

A/N: Disclaimer, this is a work of fiction. I do not own, possess, or have any links to Chris Evans, nor do I profit off of this work. Any claims otherwise are grossly misleading. This work is not to be posted anywhere else without my explicit permission.

If you would like to be added to the tag list, reply here or send me an ask. I’d be happy to add you! Happy reading!

Word Count: ~1,500

A Chance Encounter

"Mom, how do I look?"

"I think you look alright. Maybe wear different underwear. I can see your panty lines."

"Who's going to be looking at my ass? It's an interview!" I say with a slight shake of my head.

"Exactly! Panty lines look unkempt. Wear a thong. You'll thank me later," as she holds out a nice, lacy black pair she pulled from my drawer. A pair whose matching bra I already had on under my cream blouse and blazer. Maybe a lacy bra is overkill for an interview but it's not like anyone will see it and it makes me feel confident. That's always good in the interview right?!

I grab the thong from my mom's hand and stuff it in my purse. "OK, mom. I have to go. I'll change on the train. I have to go! I'll see you after. Bye." I say as I kiss her on the cheek.

I run out of my house and get in my car. If traffic is light, I can still make my train into the city. I realize on the drive to the station, that I forgot to put my flats in my purse. 

At least I have this thong. Thanks, mom. My ass crack will be about as comfortable as my feet by the time this is over.

I get to the station with just enough time to catch my train. As I get situated in my seat, I go over my selling points as to why I should be the pick for this position. I am in the running to be the stage manager for a small but successful theater company outside of Boston. I've never been confident enough to go for this kind of position. I always wanted to since my days backstage in high school; those are some of my best memories. There's nothing like theater magic to drown out the woes of the world, but graduating and adult realities quickly took over my life. I took a short-term job at a local community college teaching sewing and different crafting projects as an assistant with my mentor, Sarah. That was seven years ago, but she's actually the one that encouraged me to apply and take this interview, despite my reservations.

I can't believe I'm even doing this. It's not like they're even going to hire me.

Wow, way to psych yourself out you in secure bitch.

As my thoughts begin to pester, I realize I'm letting my anxiety get the best of me. I try to refocus my breathing and think positive, affirming thoughts.

You can do this! It's already a good sign that you have an in person interview. The worst they can do is not pick you.

I close my eyes and lay my head against the window for a few seconds. I begin repeating this internal monologue to myself as the train comes to a sudden, halting stop. Everyone in the car begins looking around with questions reflecting in their panic as the conductor comes over the loudspeaker.

"Sorry about that folks. There is some construction on the tracks in front of us and currently all trains are single tracked through this area. There is another train waiting to get through on the other side. Looks like it'll be a few more minutes. If you would like to get out at this stop, the doors will open on your left side momentarily. I should have another update shortly. Thank you for your time."

I look at the map and my watch. I don't have time to sit here for the 20 or so minutes this will take. I'm only three more blocks away than I would be had I gotten off at the right stop. I go to the bathroom and quickly change the underwear. I know it's stupid, but my mom's probably right. And if I'm going for a partial costume designing position, I need to look good too, right?!

I leave the bathroom as the doors open in front of me and I hop off the train. I start walking and regret not grabbing those flats after two blocks. I begin digging in my purse to see if I have a band-aid or something that can help to keep the blister forming on my heel from getting worse for the next three blocks.

As I dig deeper looking down into my purse, I collide with someone as hard as a brick wall, causing their hot coffee to spill down the front of my shirt and the remnants of my purse to go flying everywhere across the sidewalk. I kneel down to begin picking everything up to get it all into my purse as I begin to feel panic settle over me. My heart starts pounding and I'm finding it hard to breathe all of a sudden. I begin shaking, now frantically gathering all of my things, and only just begin processing the front of my shirt. A shirt meant for an interview I have in 15 minutes is now ruined, when a hand comes into the corner of my vision holding out the pair of underwear I was wearing a mere 10 minutes ago. I begin to feel very embarrassed now, on top of the anxious panic from this encounter. Only when I reach out to snatch the garment from his hand does he realize something is wrong.

He helps me up and is speaking to me, but I don't hear a word he says. He takes me to a nearby bench and leaves only to return with a brown paper bag. He hands it to me and I begin taking short, frantic gasps into it. After a few minutes, my breathing returns to even, resting breaths and he hands me a cup of water. "Thank you," I say. "You didn't have to do that." I down the cup of water and feel much better. "Listen I appreciate you doing this. It wasn't necessary of you, but..." And as I turn to face this stranger for the first time, I am met with the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen. "...thank you" is all I am able to get out.

"It's no problem really. You seem to be in a rush and it was my fault I wasn't paying attention. Then you were having some sort of attack, so I thought to help. I'm usually on the other end of the attacks, but it helps to know what to do in a pinch." I barely catch what he's saying, except something about me being in a rush and that he has experience with this sort of thing.

Just then, it dawns on me why I'm here and I look at my watch. I have 7 minutes to get to my interview. I tell him that I'm really sorry but I have to go and take off running as best I can in these heels. It doesn't take much for him to catch up to me. I tell him I'm late for an interview in 5 minutes, to which he replies, "Aw, fuck. Now I'm an even bigger dick. I've ruined your blouse by spilling coffee all over it."

I look down for the first time as his words register and realize that you can see straight through my shirt to my black bra. I see out of the corner of my vision, he notices it too. Embarrassed, I quickly begin thinking about how to fix this, when he holds out a dark blue V neck. I make eye contact with him and ask, "Are you sure?"

"It's the least I can do," he says genuinely, as if he hadn't just saved me from my panic attack. I can see seriousness in his eyes and while I ponder the situation, we get to the building where the interview is.

As I go through the revolving door, I notice he follows me. I turn to him expectantly, as he holds out the shirt and offers to guard the door while I change. "You're a total lifesaver!" I say as I hug him and run to the restroom.

I quickly change my shirt and decide to leave a couple buttons undone so you can see the lace edging of the bra. Although not entirely classy, under my blazer it can be considered a little edgy and maybe even stylish. I do a quick once over in the mirror and fix a few strands of my hair.

You're as ready as you'll ever be.

I leave the restroom, only half surprised to see him waiting there. I do a little twirl and say,"What do you think?" As I look at him, he seems to be lost for a second, but then returns with, "Definitely an improvement. You wear that shirt better than I ever could." I blush slightly at this comment and then pull it together.

I give him a quick hug. "Thank you for everything, but I really need to go. Sorry!" I say as I walk to the lobby desk. "No problem!" he semi-shouts at me across the lobby as I give the receptionist my name. She directs me to the 3rd floor and as the doors open, I hear the man shout from behind me, "My name's Chris. What's yours?" "I'm Y/N!" I shout back with a smile as the doors close.

Next Chapter

A.N.: AHHHH! I’m really excited about this so I wanted to get it up quick. I will go through again, and try to fix any errors I may have missed. I actually enjoy writing this, and who knew fanfic author would be one of my titles?! I hope you guys enjoy, and as always, for myself and others, feedback is appreciated. Give me your thoughts about it! Any ideas for whats to come? Maybe I can somehow incorporate them. I have a fairly loose skeleton of a plot line right now, so this story can really go anywhere. I hope we take the ride together!

Tag List:  @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @beccaheartschrisevans @avenger-nerd-mom @mycapt-ohcapt-writes @mad-for-marvel @vanillabeanlattes @captain-ariel-barnes @emilyevanston @thewife101cevans @annvincible@loricameback @plussizeappreciationfics @a-tale-of-two-comics@melodramaticfanatic @writingcreatingstorytelling @kirstie-lotr@mywritingsblog @disney-fire-fox

[a-mad-scientist-approaches]

The Cipher Conspiracy (8)

Here! Have a chapter entirely about Ford!

I estimate at the moment there will be fourteen chapters in total of this, but that may chang, as in the past my estimates have been very off XD.

Adeline Marks is @hntrgurl13‘s, and the Addiford ship is @scipunk63‘s. 

She doesn’t have a direct appearance in this chapter, but @missinspi‘s OC Madeline McGucket is still part of the fic, so I’m going to mention her anyway.

AO3  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14

Gravity Falls, Oregon (USA)    ∆

Ford groaned as he straightened up. How long had he been hunched over this desk for?

Too long, he reflected, scanning through the work he had completed.

He made his way towards the elevator, intent on getting himself some food before proceeding to the next step. The doors opened before he could reach them, revealing Bill.

“Okay, smart guy, let’s see these plans,” he said, strolling out. Ford turned around and led the way back to the schematics he had been redrawing.

“We – uh – I altered the gun’s design in Russia, so there should be less chance of it malfunctioning during use now. I just finished making the final copy, so all that’s left is to start constructing it,”

Bill straightened up from pouring over the plans and clapped him on the back. “I knew you could do it, Sixer! A few problematic hangers-on aren’t enough to slow you down!”

“Right.” Ford said, deciding to move past that comment as quickly as possible.  “I think I should start putting together microcomputer first.”

Bill nodded, moving around the desk so he could scrutinise the plans more. “Use the precision instrument from China. Calibrate it to, oh, a working range of eight hundred nanometres to two centimetres. Lock it in position five for the circuit board, but position six should do for the rest.”

Ford was taken aback at the sudden rattling off of instructions. “You’ve used one before, then?”

Bill laughed. “Of course not Fordsy, I just know my stuff. Good thing I’m around, huh? Not to say that you don’t know what you’re doing, but, well . . .” he shrugged amiably.

“It’s good to pool knowledge,” Ford finished, choosing to think optimistically rather than be offended.

“Whenever you need me, pal! I’ve got things to do upstairs; you don’t mind if I take over the place for a bit while you’re not using it, right? Catch ya later,”

Ford did not like to criticise Bill: he had, after all, given him the opportunity to prove the full extent of his abilities to the world, if not in quite the way Ford had anticipated while growing up. For this reason, Bill was more like a friend than a boss, a sentiment that Bill had stated when Ford first met him, and which he had kept reinforcing through the years. However, it did irk him slightly that his residency was also morphing into Bill’s base of operations. On the other hand, it was also rather gratifying to see how much Bill trusted him. As far as he knew, no other agents were overseen as much as himself.

Monitored as much as myself.

. . . it was difficult to deny how freeing the weeks away had been. Perhaps he would like a little more breathing room.

That would no doubt occur once he finished the memory gun. Bill just wanted it complete, and then work would resume more like how scientists usually worked: in a less-than-imposing manner. Such as how he and Fiddleford had collaborated.

Speaking of Fiddleford, Ford was sure he would have loved this part.

He set up the machine on the desk, turned it on, and watched it knit together a circuit board with liquid fluidity.

∆

Bill swiped a squeezy toy from a couch as he passed. Making his way to the kitchen, he leaned back in a chair and put his feet on the tabletop. Then he took out his phone, tossing the toy up in the air.

“Ivan! I want an update. One that doesn’t ruin the good day I’m having,”

“McCorkle just had a meeting. I recall that Pines encountered two of Jheselbraum’s agents in Oklahoma . . .” The voice became more reluctant, as if the owner wished it wasn’t him that was bearing this news. “She was meeting one of them. You were right sir, Oracle Division is definitely involved.”

“Hmm. Well, good thing I was expecting that, or this would be really unpleasant for you.” Bill stood up and began walking around, tossing the toy from hand to hand, the phone jammed between his shoulder and ear.

“It’s time to shut Oracle Division down. Don’t blow your cover, Jhezzy’s pup’ll be outta your non-existent hair soon enough. Bigger problems to worry about, et cetera,”

“As you say, sir. I should also mention that Stanley Pines has reappeared,”

“Leave him. He’s out of the game now, or close enough. Besides, he just wouldn’t die. Four rounds of one-sided Russian poker and he’s still around – he’s like a roach! Whose underpants are stitched from luck! Maybe I’ll make him a job offer one day,” Bill mused, bouncing the toy off the wall.

“Yes sir. And what about the other Pines?”

“On track, finally. How long does it take to get some materials for cryin’ out loud? No need to come out here. But be on standby, just in case. Our resident genius is wising up.” The ball thudded into the wall again, but Bill didn’t catch it. He walked away, leaving it to ricochet behind him, where it cracked a glass frame and popped.

∆

Ford’s eyes were burning. He hadn’t blinked in a while. That was it.

Ow. Blinking hurt too.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, keeping his eyes closed. His fingers were trembling.

This was ridiculous. He had not even been working for that long! Granted, affixing the circuit boards to the hard drive of the microcomputer was slightly harder than he had anticipated, but he was getting there. And arranging the trigger mechanism had been frustrating. And positioning the internal reflective mirrors was an ordeal, to say the least. But all in all, he had about a third of the gun constructed (if he counted the tiny wires which he had laid out over the blueprints in preparation for their insertion), and it was only –

What time was it?

Ford opened his watery eyes and tried to make sense of the clock on the wall.

One o’clock? That can’t be right, I got home at one-thirty.

. . . I should really change that display to show twenty-four-hour time.

As he moved back towards the elevator room to find a chair, he realised that standing very still while bent over a table for six hours was not a great decision on his part. Every inch of him ached, even the parts that were not involved in keeping him upright. Sitting burned.

Midway through Ford’s groan, Bill came through the elevator, muttering.

“Those Oracle superiors better be awake . . .” He noticed Ford awkwardly slumped in a swivel chair. “Taking a break already, are we? It’s only been, what-”

“Eleven and a half hours,” Ford croaked.

“Come on, you’ve done longer than that at university!” Bill grinned, striding over to stand in front of him.

“Probably.” He yawned. “Just give me a minute.” A thought struck him. “Did you say Oracle? Like that Oracle Division you mentioned a couple weeks ago?”

Bill stiffened slightly, then shrugged.

“Yeah, they’re causing some trouble that I’ve gotta put a stop to. Banging on about the ‘Cipher Conspiracy’ again. Don’t ya just hate it when people won’t listen? Anyway, they won’t be a problem for much longer. That whole shebang is coming down pronto.” A momentary dark flicker crossed his expression. “I got a special gal who’ll be taking the fall, and when she does, so will the rest of those cage-rattling do-gooders.” He clapped his hands suddenly. “So! You gonna get back to work then, or do I have to find another genius?”

Ford chuckled and Bill laughed, but made no move to leave, and kept staring at Ford expectantly. The amusement fizzled out of the air. Ford suddenly wondered if it had ever been there.

“Well, I was thinking I could get back to it tomo- later this morning,”

“Come on, Sixer, we’re so close! Don’t tell me you traversed the globe for this, only to give up now?”

“I don’t think it would be giving up-”

“No? Sure looks like it,”

Ford stared at Bill, floored. Bill’s expression was the same as always: friendly, encouraging, betraying none of his thoughts.

Slowly, he stood up. He walked back to the desk where the almost one-third of a gun was.

“I knew I could rely on you, buddy!” Bill praised (or perhaps crowed) from behind him. “You’ve got some insane dedication, I think it’s safe to say, which means that device should be raring to go in no time! Got it? This is your ticket to the stars, and my ticket to the throne. It’s going to be great. You’re doing me a huge favour, you know that? You’re one of a kind, Fordsy, one of a kind. Don’t prove me wrong! That head of yours has to be good for something, haha, you know I’m joking. Catch ya later! I reckon you’ll be about half done by then, whaddaya think?”

∆

One third complete. Fully complete, not almost complete. Ford did not consider it a victory. He did not spend too long thinking about why. There was nothing to be gained from that, anyway. Nothing that could be considered important right now, per se. Nothing that, while worthwhile to consider, could probably just be attributed to the stresses of directing an agency. Nothing that could not be overlooked in favour of the . . . probably overall good that would come of the invention. Nothing that –

Ford sighed. He had been staring uselessly at the wall for five minutes now.

It would be better to throw himself into the work, he considered.

∆

God I’m tired.

I need to try harder.

Bill is right, we have waited far too long for this device’s construction, and I need to complete it, although he could be more helpful. He has already shown how adept he is with the machines. There’ll be plenty of time for rest afterwards. What is a few hours’ sleep deprivation in the face of an invention that could change the world? This is a personal challenge that I am entirely willing to accept.

have reluctantly allowed myself a five-minute break to write an entry in this journal. It is this, or fall face-down, unconscious, onto my desk. I am determined that, after two weeks of often having to share a room with Stanley S who cares? that the next time I sleep, it will be snorelessly. Is that a word? silently.

His snoring was strangely reassuring, however. It certainly made things seem less alone, cold, and dark. Or perhaps that’s just what the basement is like all the time.

I may need to head upstairs for a meal soon. I have not eaten since breakfast with Stan yesterday. Stan was a good cook. He made pancakes. Stan made pancakes. Stancakes. I think it may have been inadvisable to become so reliant on him for food.

∆

But what did he mean? Ford unwillingly wondered for the umpteenth time. It was happening every few minutes now, as he impatiently waited for the precision machine to complete another task.

Bill said odd things every now and then. It was just something Ford had learned to live with. Why was he noticing it now?

The answer was obvious.

But then again, no, it was not. Ford might occasionally become irritated with some of his boss’s mannerisms (arrogance), or his way of working (uncommonly close-at-hand), however he had never before felt as uneasy as he did now. He had always had the idea in his mind that while Bill might be his employer, he afforded Ford the same amount of respect he received. That idea was diminishing.

Simple answer.

But was it?

Yes.

I’m noticing it now because I’ve seen what it’s like to be without it.

∆

My mind keeps returning to our goodbye. Stan said to make sure that I did not get too caught up in my work. More occasions than the present one apply to this statement: for instance, once in primary school I became completely engrossed in a science project. It was a volcano with real lava, all contained on a miniature island. When I was unable to test it properly on the day it was due, I found myself having a panic attack. Now, the entire affair seems inconsequential, especially with the threats problems I face in the present. It mattered a significant amount at the time, though, and fortunately Stan knew me far better than I knew my project. He was able to calm me down, and the next thing I knew, the presentation went off without a hitch.

I miss him. And his Stancakes.

I meant what I said when I saw him off at the airport: I was going to come see him when I finished the project.

All the more reason to finish it soon, then.

∆

Ford took the clock off the wall. It was distracting, not to mention discouraging.

∆

The machine was obviously not accustomed to being handled manually: it had made the circuit boards on its own far easier than it let Ford use it to arrange the delicate piece of filament at the end of the gun.

He could feel Bill watching over his shoulder every step of the way. It was like at any moment he was going to snatch control for himself. The tremor had moved to Ford’s stomach now, leaving his hands feeling slow and heavy. Tiny pinpricks of sweat were forming on his forehead, nose, eyes. His glasses were about to give way and fall straight onto the gun, effectively smashing to pieces all his hard work. The microscope lens Ford’s face was glued to in order to see what he was doing would not stand a chance at stopping it. The glasses would fall, and everything was doomed. He might as well accept it now. No. That would be giving up. He did not give up. Bill was unmoving. The damn machine was not tilting properly. The filament would undoubtedly be lost forever in the ensuing chaos brought on by Ford’s crappy eyesight. He had not breathed in for a while. His stomach was lurching now.

In a fit of desperation and frustration, he jerked the controls roughly forward.

Miraculously, the filament slid exactly into place.

“HAH!” Ford shouted – or tried to. There was no air in his lungs for that to happen.

He heaved in a huge breath, straightening up as he did so. His glasses fell forwards and made a gentle tap on the lens of the microscope. Ford laughed hysterically. Bill made no comment. He just stood to the side, silent and watchful.

“Four fifths of the way done!” Ford said cheerfully, turning to him. To empty space.

Bill had left hours ago.

The elevator rumbled down, grating on Ford’s nerves, depriving him of a momentary relief.

Bill caught sight of him and laughed briefly. “Well I can tell you’ve been working! Never seen anyone so tired they put their glasses on the wrong seeing-hole.” He gestured to the machine, which Ford’s glasses were comically hanging off.

“Ah! Yes,” Ford said brightly, jamming them back on his face.

“Almost done I see.” Bill said, looking hungrily at the almost-complete gun. “Let’s get that last stretch over with, pal! I gotta tell you, I am longing for a chance to try it out. You know, you should be proud. It was you who brought all this into being.” Bill swirled an upright finger around to encompass the general vicinity.

“I appreciate it,” Ford said, banging a hand down onto the table to emphasise his statement. The gun jumped half a foot into the air, making a loud clunk as it fell. Ford laughed again when it did not break. The thing was invincible!

“Good to see you’re finally gaining a sense of humour,” grinned Bill.

“Who are you going to test this on? Not me, I hope,” said Ford grinning equally wide. Everything seemed very hearty at the moment. He remembered this feeling – first from university, and now every so often from the five years he had been working with Bill.

“Oh no, Fordsy, you’re my number one! There have been a few pains in the neck hanging around though. I’m sure I can think of someone,”

Ford nodded in agreement. Bill was good at thinking.

“Anyway, time to make that bulb! You’ve got some shimmern to melt down and some specific heat calculations to redo. You see that there? You forgot the indices.” He pointed casually at a sheet of working paper.

Ford managed an acknowledgement through tightly grit teeth and a strained smile. It was becoming painful, actually. How did Bill keep it up all the time?

∆

There had been stabbing pains in his stomach a few hours ago. He only remembered them when he reached precisely twenty-four hours without food.

Coffee counted as food, Ford decided, heating up the kettle.

The kitchen was really bright and his eyes did not want to adjust. He squinted into the –

He glanced at the clock.

-  eight AM light rebelliously.

Coffee in mouth.

HOT.

His legs felt really tired. He was fine, but his legs ached. So did his back. And arm muscles. And fingers. Taking a moment to sit down might be advisable.

Ooooohhh it was.

It was rather peaceful up here. Very quiet. Cool. The makeshift forge was making the basement incredibly hot, so until it was at the temperature it needed to be to melt shimmern, he would wait up here.

He should stretch out his neck more. A few cricks, but nothing too painful. It felt especially pleasant when he rolled his head forwards. Quite heavy, too. Maybe he would just lie on the table like this for a moment. Wait for the coffee to cool down. Wait for the forge to heat up . . .

Where are they?

There was blood everywhere, but no one in the chairs. No one in the room. A light was growing – a bright blue-white light. Not emanating from anywhere in particular. Just growing.

Someone shouted his name.

Fiddleford.

Was not with him. He must have found them. Ford turned to go.

There they were. All three of them. Standing just beyond the threshold of the door. They stared at him expressionlessly. Addi and Stan had bloodstains on their clothes. The ever-increasing light threw the colours into sharp relief. Everything trembled around the edges as though it was about to explode. Stan’s left hand was being held by someone he could not see. Fiddleford was looking at a photograph.

Where did you go?

"You were the one who left," said Addi.

A hum he had not noticed rose to a peak. He started forwards, needing to let her know he hadn’t, he was right here, he was going to see Stan so soon, he was going to ask Fiddleford to help on his next project, he was going to kiss her for real one day, he just needed some time, just a little –

A bulb exploded. Sparks. Silence. Dark.

Dark.

Dark.

Laughing next to his ear.

He jerked upright, lashing out beside him, eyes wide despite the glaring light, but he was alone.

Ford gasped for breath. How long had he been asleep for? Sleeping was – was not good. He scrubbed his face with his hands and downed the cold coffee with a shudder. Better than nothing.

Looking at the clock, he saw it had only been ten minutes. Plenty of time. He had plenty of time. He was not even on a time limit. That was how much time he had.

∆

When shimmern melted, it glowed a bright yellow-white and radiated incredible heat. Ford had to wear goggles and gloves just so he could stand to be near it, and even then he was sweltering.

The lovely tear-shaped pendant gave him one last sparkle before it liquified completely. A flash of a playful grin danced in front of him, the memory of an immense wind determined to drive him back briefly hijacking his senses.

“So much for returning it,” Ford muttered.

“Oops, might’ve forgotten to mention that we needed to use all of it,” shrugged Bill from the other side of the glowing material. “Ah, memories, memories.” Before he sauntered away, he gave Ford a look that was all too piercing.

Then again, a voice in his head weakly protested, everything looks hazy over here. You might be seeing things.

Ford snorted. “I really need to talk to someone that I actually want around,” he informed the blazing liquid.

He grabbed the last machine from China and started to shape molten shimmern, steadfastly ignoring an image in his mind’s eye of Adeline smiling as he had tried to dismantle the very same device he was using.

∆

“Y’know Ivan, he’s really come through,” said Bill, raiding the fridge. “I thought for a while he was going to pull some crazy stunt-” he waved his hands around wildly – “but it looks like he held out. Our genius is back on track!”

“So the device is complete, then?” asked Ivan on the other end of the line.

“It will be. VERY soon. Ol’ Six-Fingers can be amazing if he’s pushed. So anyway, just calling to let ya know I don’t need you to, ah, how to put this delicately,” he swiped a hand across his neck, miming a beheading, “murder him painfully. I mean, I haven’t exactly been keeping everything under wraps lately, but like I said, no crazy stunts, ‘You betrayed me!’, yadda yadda yadda.”

“Very convenient, sir. Is there any word on your solution for the situation over here?”

“Oh, yeah, our very own Agent Marks should be touching down right . . . about . . .” Bill checked his watch theatrically, “now. Once she’s blown off a head or two, you rush to her place having heroically tracked her down with your fantastic FBI training and arrest her. Events, cover-ups revealed, bing, bang, boom, Oracle Division topples like dominoes. And then I’m free to put that memory gun to some use.”

∆

“Sixer!” No answer. Bill frowned and walked back downstairs. “Weren't you . . . hey, Sixer!” Again, no answer.

Bill moved decisively towards the basement entrance.

“Well, well, well, well, well. My memory gun finished yet?” Silence. The entire basement was still. All the lights were off, like they were no longer needed.

“Pines . . .” Bill growled. Not taking his eyes off the dark space ahead, he took out his phone and pressed and selected a contact to call. No answering phone rang, apart from on the other end of the line.

∆

Ford fumbled one-handed with the phone, managing to answer while keeping a set of bloodshot eyes on the road.

“Bill! Yes, I’m here,”

“No, y’see Sixer, that’s the problem. You really AREN’T,”

“The memory gun’s finished. It’s on the worktable. Do you need something? I’m a little preoccupied right now.” Should he be talking to his employer so disrespectfully? Welp, too late now.

He careened around a bend in a move he felt his brother would have been proud of.

“You’re testing my patience, Fordsy. I’m sure I don’t have to phrase my question, since it should be OBVIOUS,”

“I didn’t tell you? I swore I did.” Ford said, genuinely surprised. After a second’s reflection, he reconsidered his position. “Oh. No, I only thought about telling you. That was probably when I got into the car,”

He revved the El Diablo’s engine enthusiastically.

“I’m going to visit Stan,” he informed Bill lightly, speeding past the “Welcome to Gravity Falls” sign so fast it was a blur.

“Why,” stated Bill coldly, in a way which was very emphatically not a question.

“Because I said I would!” Shrugged Ford happily. “I like being around him. I don’t like being cut-off and alone. I think the Cipher Wheel could benefit from a new point of view! Also, I need to return his car.”

He might regret saying most of those things later. He did not at the present moment, however, which was the important thing. It really was amazing what thirty-two hours without sleep could do for an individual’s self-confidence. In fact, this had been nothing; he felt like he could continue without sleep for days more.

“This is a little off-the-rails for you, you gotta admit. Pretty unexpected. A bit of a crazy stunt, you might say,”

“I suppose so. I think I’m overdue, to be honest. I will see you in a few days, sir!”

“Oh, you never know. Anything could happen. For instance, I bet you’re going to receive one heck of a welcome in Sacramento!”

“I’d settle for anything at this point!”

They both laughed. And kept laughing. And laughed some more. Ford ran out of breath first.

“I suppose you gotta make a stand at some point, Stanford! Might wanna scout out the turf beforehand, though. Seeya, kid!”

∆

“Ivan! You remember what I said about painfully murdering Pines? Yeah, let’s do that. He’s headed your way, and I wouldn’t miss him if I were you. In fact, same goes for anyone who gets in your way. We’ve got the means to deal with the fallout now,”

The memory gun glinted as Bill turned it over in his hand.

[eryiss]

Gambler’s Luck: Chapter Four

Summary: A drunken night at a bar; that’s how it always starts. A few shots, some self loathing and a decision you would never make when sober. But for Laxus Dreyar, the morning after doesn’t include regret, copious amounts of aspirin and a stranger in his bed. For he only made one drunken decision, becoming the personal driver for professional gambler - Freed Justine. [Fraxus Multi-Chap]

You can read it on FanFiction, Archive of Our Own or under the cut. You can also see the chapter list here. Hope you enjoy ^.^

Chapter Four - The Dreyars 

Standing at his kitchen counter, Laxus began to drizzle store bought salad dressing over a plate of pre-cooked chicken, damp lettuce leaves and overly stale croutons. His stomach all but rumbled as he looked down at the practically completed meal, the pizza he had eaten earlier obviously hadn't done much to satisfy him and he found himself starving. The salad looked even more appealing now that his headache had returned, the adrenaline rush now gone from the impromptu meeting and job acceptance that had occurred with Freed moments ago.

When Laxus had referred to Freed as his boss - out of panic and indignance at Makarov's ambush - the other man had taken it in his stride. It was like he expected Laxus to cave in and take it. Makarov had apologised for being rude, Laxus having to bite his tongue on the comment of that being his natural state of being, and Freed excused himself and drove away. And that was it. Freed was his boss, apparently.

Once Freed had left for the gym, Laxus had turned back to his grandfather and invited him into his apartment. Laxus had immediately walked to the kitchen, pulling out whatever food he needed for his salad, and Makarov made his way to the sofa that looked towards the television. Laxus vaguely heard a news report in the background but didn't pay attention to it, his mind was solely focused on the food.

When his salad was complete, he picked the plate up and sat down in an armchair that was only just big enough to fit him without it looking completely ridiculous; he couldn't afford anything bigger. As he picked up some of his food, he looked to his grandfather.

"You sure you don't want anything?" He asked after swallowing his food.

"I ate before I came." Makarov said, looking away from the political update on the TV. "And if that's all you're making, I'm glad I did. When you were younger, that wouldn't have been a snack to you."

Laxus shrugged, biting into another forkful of chicken and lettuce. "You gotta look after yourself, y'know."

Makarov nodded, with a slight hesitation that irritated Laxus more than he was willing to admit, and looked back to the TV. The blonde continued to eat, joining his grandfather in watching a heated political debate about something that probably wasn't that important and was only being shown because it was a slow news day and they needed to fill the time.

As Laxus ate, he noticed Makarov glance at him every few moments, also giving the salad the same side-eye. Laxus put up with this for a short while, but when Makarov's glances began to drag out longer and longer, his irritation got the better of him. He placed his fork onto the plate with more force than needed and looked at his grandfather.

"What?"

"I was just thinking that, maybe if you're not eating that out of choice, I could loan you some money to-" Laxus cut him off with a groan and annoyed expression, but Makarov continued. "I saw that you hardly have anything in your cupboards, and with the pizza box and take-out trays I thought you might not be able to pay for any real food." Makarov explained, Laxus still glaring at him, prompting the older man to mutter under his breath. "Well excuse me for caring."

"I ain't a kid, gramps. I hardly have anything in because I buy all my groceries once a week and I do it tomorrow. I've got frozen vegetables and potatoes for dinner, and I was gonna buy a cooked chicken because I usually don't have time to cook one." Laxus said, shoving some more food into his mouth. "And have you had taken out lately? It ain't cheaper than cooking."

Makarov raised his hands in mock surrender, not wanting to reignite the argument that the two had engaged in multiple times. Instead, they both turned back to the TV and watched the news; it had moved onto the next topic.

During the lull in the conversation, Laxus' thoughts wandered back to Freed. Did his immediate decision to call Freed his boss mean that he was going to be Freed's driver now? Surely, he would have realised that Laxus had said this out of panic and it wasn't a serious acceptance of Freed's job offer. But Freed had seemed fairly enthusiastic about employing Laxus so maybe he would use the proclamation to force him take the job. Was that something Freed would do? Laxus barely knew him, so how could he know if Freed was that kind of person?

He decided not to worry about it, focusing on the TV and deciding to text Freed when his grandfather had left, so he could clear things up. The news was still focused on the menial problem from before, something about a pothole 'epidemic.' Laxus had to wonder if this really was the most interesting they could talk about.

Makarov was apparently just as uninterested in the filler piece on the TV, so shifted his position on the sofa and looked to Laxus. The blonde, fully expecting to be engaged in a conversation that would lead into an argument, placed his half-eaten salad on his knee and looked to his grandfather.

"You didn't say what you'd be doing?" Makarov said, not bothered by the sour expression on his grandson's face. "Earlier, you said that man was your boss, but didn't say what he was going to make you do. What are you going to be doing?"

That wasn't too bad, actually. Maybe he needed to give Makarov more credit…

"Gonna be his driver." Laxus picked up the fork again, noticing Makarov's frown. He sighed. "He does something that means he had to travel around the city a lot. Said he doesn't enjoy driving so needs someone to do it for him, so that's what I'm gonna do. And I get why he doesn't enjoy driving, half the people in the city seem to wanna get in an accident. Anyway, yeah, so I'm gonna be his chauffeur or whatever."

"A step up from hauling trash." Makarov nodded, a small smile on his face. "Your wage better reflect that, I'm not having you get less money when you can barely make ends meet now. What does he even do, if he can pay your wages?"

"He's a, erm, professional gambler." Laxus mumbled quickly, trying to brush the question off. "And I don't struggle with money. I don't know why you think I do."

He wasn't avoiding the subject of Freed's job because Makarov was against gambling. In fact, Laxus was almost certain that his grandfather had monthly high-stakes poker games with some of his friends, so being against gambling would be hypocritical. He just expected Makarov to have the same kind of apprehension that he'd had, and Laxus honestly didn't want to deal with it now. He just wanted to finish his salad in peace.

But of course, that wouldn't happen. Usually, Makarov would have retorted to the claims that Laxus didn't struggle with money – either by saying he was naïve if he actually thought that, or that he didn't mean any offense by saying it – but he was annoyingly quiet. Laxus readied himself for whatever he grandfather would eventually decide he wanted to say.

"A professional gambler…" Makarov repeated with hesitation. "That's not the most secure source of income. Are you sure that's the best idea?"

Laxus, on a regular day, might have seen this as his grandfather second guessing his decisions. This would have lead Laxus to reply with a hostile statement that would eventually form an argument between the two men's egos. But the hangover and headache Laxus was experiencing meant he really didn't have the energy to yell at his grandfather, so he tried not to react.

"He seems to be doing pretty well. And promised me job security, told me a load of stuff about why I didn't need to worry about it. He's got savings or something that I'll get my wages from. Hold on a second." Laxus stood up, placing his near empty plate on the coffee table.

He walked to the kitchen, picking up the folder that contained the contract Freed had given him to look at. As he picked it up, he began to wonder if showing this to Makarov was him accepting that he was going to take the job. As far as he was concerned, Freed must have realised that he'd accepted the placement on impulse and might not want to continue, so it wasn't completely settled on. But giving this to Makarov meant that he couldn't back out on the job. Not without either a patronising response, or a smug response; Laxus didn't know which he would prefer and decided he would try to avoid receiving either.

Again, he pushed that thought to the back of his mind. He was probably thinking about things too deeply. And even if he wasn't, he could just quit if he realised it wasn't what he wanted to do. Just because he'd never done it, that didn't mean it was abnormal.

After handing Makarov the contract, he picked up his plate of salad and began to eat; he sadly noted that he'd eaten the majority of the chicken now. He glanced at Makarov as he flicked through the pages of small text, who seemed to be slightly appeased by the formality of the job offer. Laxus decided he probably wouldn't mention they met in a bar and Laxus was offered the job while they were drunk.

"That good enough, or should I make him swear a blood oath?" Laxus muttered, only slightly hostile.

"Well, he does seem to be taking this seriously." Makarov nodded slightly, looking up from the contract and placing it beside him on the sofa. "He's made it pretty obvious that, if he doesn't pay you what he's promised, he's in breach of the contract, so there's no obvious loopholes. I guess he knew you might be concerned. I still think you should have a lawyer look over it, in case he hid some sort of way out in it that I didn't see."

"Do you really think that's needed?" Laxus sighed. "You just said it looks airtight. I'm sure he's not that kind of guy."

"I'm just trying to look out for you. There's a lot of con artists in this city and with him being a gambler, its not too large a jump in logic to think-"

"Yeah, I know. And I appreciate it." His voice almost sounded defeated. "I guess it's just that, I don't know, I wanna do something that isn't just laid out for me and easy. Just wanna do something with the smallest amount of risk to it."

It was more than that. He felt as though he was stuck in a rut and this was the way out. For years, he'd woken up at the same time, driven down the same roads on the same days, had basically the same conversation with the same boring people. He couldn't do something like that again and that was all most jobs could offer. But driving for Freed sounded different; Freed had made it seem like every day they'd be driving somewhere new; every day would be different. And Laxus had been craving something like that for a lot longer than he realised.

"And I know normal people want that kind of stability. But, well you raised me, I never wanted to conform." They shared a short laugh, lightening the small amount of tension that had formed. "So, if I get it checked out, you won't disown me? I'll still be in the will?"

"I suppose. You're only getting the grandfather clock though, didn't think you'd be too bothered about losing it." Makarov laughed at the sour expression on his grandson's face. "I'm joking. I'm always trying to give you money, you don't think I'd stop just because I snuffed it did you? And anyway, that clocks a family heirloom, you should be proud you get to own it."

"Heirloom huh? Funny, 'cause I remember being there when you brought it." Laxus crossed his arms. "I also remember being embarrassed because you were haggling to get it cheap."

"It was expensive." Makarov said defensively. "You never know if you can get a better deal if you don't try."

"We were at IKEA! I think the day a company like IKEA gives price cuts just because an old man asked the guy at the counter is the same day Steve Jobs comes back to life, gives up technology and runs a fruit store at some random market." Laxus exclaimed, though wore a good-natured smile. "But you think it's okay, the job I mean? It gets the Dreyar stamp of approval."

"Not that I think my opinion will change your mind, I do approve." Makarov smiled. "In fact, I think you need something like this. And if you took some stupid office job, I don't think I could take how mopey your ass would become."

Annoyingly glad of Makarov's approval, Laxus looked back to his TV and began to finish off the small remains of his salad. Although, at this point, it was more like lettuce spread thinly across a plate. He shifted back into the chair, watching as some overly enthusiastic man relayed the results of some football games, or whatever sport they were talking about. It made his mind flicker back to Freed, simply because he had mentioned he would be at the gym.

So, he had to just accept it now, he was going to be Freed's driver. He'd been denying it and second guessing whether he wanted to do it basically since he first saw Freed's text that morning. But now he'd told both his grandfather and Freed himself that he'd taken it, he needed to stop thinking like that. He'd taken the risk; whatever repercussions came his way couldn't be changed now.

He grinned a little, that thought sent a buzz through his body. It really had been a long time since he'd done something exciting. He was free of the repetitive lifestyle he had basically fallen into and was going to do something that had some passion for. And he was going to do it in a pretty badass car, too.

Both men fell into a comfortable silence, watching the TV but neither really paying much attention to what was actually said. Laxus had placed his plate on the floor beside his chair and was mindlessly scrolling through his phone while Makarov picked up a newspaper Laxus had brought a few days prior. It was an enjoyable few moments, reminding Laxus of when he and his grandfather lived together. They would often spend time like this, doing completely different things but spending time with one another non the less.

Upon hearing the news-stations signature jingle that accompanied the beginning and end of the sports section, Laxus glanced up towards the TV. Had they really been talking about sports all that time? They really were struggling to fill the time. Even now, the two hosts were talking to each other as if they were on a morning chat show.

"And now onto something I'm sure all our German viewers will already know." The younger, female host said as she smiled at the camera. It was almost convincing; Laxus had to wonder if she was satisfied reading this filler when she intended to be a journalist.

"Indeed." The elder gentleman continued, also smiling. "Today, Germany is going to be celebrating its own version of thanksgiving: Erntedankfest." Laxus had to wonder if the show's German audience would appreciate one of their national holidays being directly compared to an American one. "It's a celebration that's thought to go back over a thousand years and originated as a way to give thanks for the harvest."

"And where better to learn more about this holiday than Hamburg?" The woman spoke up again. "So, we can go over to our German foreign correspondent, Sophia Dr-"

Laxus had picked up the remote control and switched off the TV, ignoring the glance he got from Makarov as he placed it down with a slight amount of force. He began to look down at his phone again, scrolling through his twitter feed as Makarov opened his mouth to speak, but stopped himself. Laxus tried to ignore the obvious look of worry on his grandfather's face. He continued to scroll down on his phone.

Now without the sound of the TV, the silence between the room felt heavy and harsh. It didn't take long for Makarov to shut the newspaper and place it on the sofa beside the contract. He stood up and looked to Laxus, who placed his phone down and looked back at him expectantly.

"You know where the shitter is if you want it."

"Actually, I think it's about time I head home." Makarov smiled, walking to the coat hangers that were beside the door. Laxus stood up and unhooked both his grandfather's coat and scarf, handing them both to Makarov. "Well then, I hope everything goes well with your job, I'm sure it'll pay off for you. He seemed like an honest young man, so I don't think you've got any reason to worry. So just have fun, I suppose."

He smiled as he shrugged on his coat and wrapped his scarf around his neck. Laxus opened the door and leant on it, looking down at his grandfather as he adjusted his coat in the mirror. Why the old man was so conscious of his looks, Laxus didn't know. It wasn't like he had anyone to impress. At least, Laxus certainly hoped not. Thinking that your parents have sex was bad enough, let alone your grandparents.

"Well, I'll see you soon. As long as I don't die first." Makarov cackled, spouting off the joke Laxus had gotten used to. "Seriously though, if you ever need anything from me, you just need to-"

"I know, I know." Laxus said, lacking the hostility that would normally sneak into his voice when Makarov offered him money. "Now go home. I could have someone coming over, don't want you ruining my image."

"Hah! I doubt I'll live to see the day when you have any kind of guest in this place." Makarov grinned, walking through the door and turning to Laxus. "See ya, brat."

"Later, old man." Laxus grinned. "Don't break a hip on the way down."

Laxus closed the door to his apartment, clicking his tongue as he looked around. It suddenly felt incredibly quiet. He picked up the plate from the floor and placed it in the sink, filling it with lukewarm water and dish soap. He also turned on the small, slightly tinny radio that he kept by his sink. He tapped his fingers against the kitchen countertop along to whatever song was playing as the sink slowly filled with soapy water.

The tapping soon got boring, so he walked around the room and picked up any stray piece of cutlery and crockery that he had left out for whatever reason and placed them in the sink. He then picked up his phone and continued to scroll down his twitter feed. There was nothing really interesting on it, as normal, but it was at least something to do while he waited.

As he reached to the faucet and turned it off before the sink became too filled up with water, his phone buzzed and lit up with a text. He glanced down at it as he plunged a hand into the water, seeing Freed's name appear at the top beside a text. He opened it before both his hands were wet.

From: Freed (Job)

Sorry to disturb you, I'm sure you're still speaking with your grandfather, but I just wanted to make sure you know I won't take your acceptance of the job to be a definite decision. So, don't worry.

Also, if you're still undecided about whether you should take the job, may I suggest that, sometime in the week, you can try driving my car. Perhaps it'll sway your decision slightly. I'm free all week, so if you wish to try it out you can pick any time you want.

I might take a little time to reply, as I'm still part way through my workout but please reply as soon as you're ready.

Thanks, Freed J.

Laxus grinned slightly at the invitation, finishing washing the plate he had picked up and placing it on the draining board beside the sink. He flicked the water off his hands and dried them on a nearby towel, picking up his phone and sending a quick reply.

To: Freed (Job)

Hey. That sounds great. Tell me if I need to do anything to get insured on it or whatever. and I dont have anything planned either so I guess we can talk about what say is best for us both. And don't worry about texting back now. If anyone knows how annoying it is to be interrupted when doing a workout its me. See you in a couple days I guess

The blonde placed his phone back down and continued to wash the dishes, silently wondering why he had added the last part of the text. He could have easily said Freed didn't need to worry about replying immediately and ended the text there, but he added a personal aspect to it. Maybe Makarov's teasing about him never having anyone around had affected him somewhat.

But that didn't matter. Sometime in the week, Laxus was going to take Freed's car out. The two of them driving through the city for the first time. The first time of many. And it sent an excited, inexplicable chill down his spine as a smile snuck onto his face.

[quiznakchronicle]

Fandom event etiquette

Suggestions for both organizers and participants for a smooth and fun experience

Events are some of the most fun things in fandom. They bring people together for a common project, foster a great sense of community, and produce lots of amazing content for the fandom. As long as they’re run responsibly. As people who are quite active in the fandom events scene for the Voltron fandom a few things have been brought to our attention recently and we’d like to address them. Sheer event volume, poor management, and disorganized events are starting to turn people off from signing up/participating, and it’s really upsetting to see these things that are supposed to be fun turning into sources of stress and anxiety instead

Please know that this isn’t about pointing fingers at any single event or individual, rather this is advice we’d like to share based on our experience as both event organizers and participants. We welcome comments and further discussion, but if you’d like to add to this post please don’t namedrop any people or events. Don’t turn this post into a call-out, that’s not what it’s about. Finally, this post is written specifically about the Voltron fandom, but I’m sure it could apply to pretty much any fandom, so anyone who finds it useful feel free to reblog!

- @ace-pidge​ and @bosstoaster​

Organizers

Check the state of the fandom before starting a new event. This is absolutely crucial. For the Voltron fandom, I maintain an entire set of calendars with the schedules of all ongoing and upcoming events, please take advantage of it. Your idea is probably super cool! But if there are already a couple dozen other projects going on it may be wise to hold off on it. If you’re worried about someone else coming along and stealing your idea, you can make a blog/post to signal your intent to run your event in the future, and wait a while for things to calm down a bit before actually running it. I’ve been getting many messages from people saying they feel burnt out or overwhelmed with the sheer number of events, and that’s not a situation anyone wants. [Edit (14/09): After hearing the thoughts of a Zine mod on this topic I now find this next statement unfair and in poor taste, as it lowkey implies (falsely) that Zine mods don’t know what they’re doing. I’ll leave my original comments in for posterity, but let it be known that really at this point my issue with Zines is more instances of lackluster management rather than Zine volume in itself. This is especially worrying for Zines, because actual money is involved. The market has been flooded with Zines over the summer, which results in fewer people buying them overall. Fandom people aren’t made of money, and it’s important to consider this when planning a Zine]     

Make sure you’re able to commit entirely to the project, both time-wise and mentally/physically. Fandom events are BIG JOBS, especially the ones that span several months like Big Bangs and Zines. But even smaller events like Weeks or Exchanges require a certain amount of work put into them. That’s months of advertising, of making posts, of answering questions, of sorting people out and keeping tabs on them, of troubleshooting. Look at your school/work situation not just in the near future but also several months down the line: will you have the time to dedicate to this. Look at why you’re doing this event: are you just doing it because you want in on the fun. Look at your mental/physical health situation: will you have the capacity to see this through. If you know that given your history there’s a possibility something might happen that will prevent you from keeping on top of the project (like a depressive episode or a hospitalization) make sure to account for that (for example bring on a team of mods who will be able to carry on without you should you need to step back for a while)       

Make sure your fellow mods are up to the task. Smaller events can be comfortably run by a single person, but bigger events like Zines and Big Bangs really should be run by at least 2 people, if not a team of 3-5*. This will ensure the workload is shared and there’s less chance of burning out before the project reaches completion. And they must all be people who are equally invested in the project. Having 1 very enthusiastic mod and 2 wishy-washy tag-along mods is a recipe for a project to fall apart     

If your friend is asking you to co-mod an event with them and you’re not sure you can/want to commit to it, say no! Don’t feel like you have to accept just because it’s your friend asking. It’s better to be upfront and honest than to start something you won’t be able to finish

The above goes DOUBLE if you plan to run more than 1 event at a time. I’m not here to say you can’t run more than 1 event at the same time, but if you plan to do that you better make EXTRA sure you have the time and resources to commit to all of them

Get advice from someone who has run this kind of event in the past, especially if it’s your first time as an organizer. Talking to someone who has gone through this already will likely prove invaluable for running a smooth event and dealing with problems that may arise. Look through the notes on this post if you need to find someone to contact     

Communication is key, be transparent! It is extremely important to stay in contact with your participants. This will both remind them that the event is ongoing (you’d be surprised how often people sign up for something then forget about it entirely) and show that you are responsible and on top of things. Also, don’t forget about your public page. With most events having dedicated Discord servers these days, it’s easy to forget about updating the event blog/Twitter page. Putting up a post every now and then to update the public on the event’s progress lets people know it’s not dead and keeps their interest up while your participants work behind the scenes

Stay on schedule, and if you can’t, let people know. Be clear and upfront about the event’s timeline and the different milestones, and if you can’t keep to the schedule say so. People will generally be very understanding. If you’re dealing with a Real Life situation, or if there are circumstances outside your control like printing/manufacturing delays on a Zine, tell your participants and your audience. This will avoid people getting disgruntled and frustrated and bitter because they feel left in the dark     

If for whatever reason you can no longer see the project through, tell people instead of just disappearing off the face of the Earth. It’s really upsetting from a participant’s perspective to be left with no news for weeks or months on end without a clue what happened to the event. Sometimes things come up or stuff happens, it’s understandable, but if that’s the case you need to let people know. It may be very upsetting to make that post, but trust me, people will appreciate the knowing     

Be VERY CAREFUL if you’re going to be handling money (as with Zines for example). Handling people’s money is a huge responsibility. If you’re going to be taking money you have to make sure you’re able to deliver on what you promised. The absolute worst time for a project to stall out is after preorders and before products are shipped out. If your project stalls at this stage and you don’t keep your buyers appraised of the situation you may get accused of scamming people or people may start demanding refunds, which is a mess no one wants to deal with     

Don’t air your dirty laundry publicly. We get it, sometimes running an event is frustrating. Participants drop out, or disappear and can’t be contacted, or butt heads with you or each other. Don’t complain about it anywhere public; know that stuff you say will reflect on you as an organizer as well as on your event. Vent to friends or on private accounts if you must, but you want to appear professional and in control in public. If you appear messy, your event will also appear messy, and it may make people think twice about staying in it or participating in stuff you do in the future 

Related: Try and keep your tone upbeat and positive and professional in your promo posts and answers to questions, even if you’re answering the same question for the umpteenth time. Giving off a frustrated or negative vibe may turn people off your event    

 If you’re a minor who wants to run an event make sure it’s appropriate for your age. Honestly, kudos to you if you’re 15-17 and running (or helping to run) an event, it’s great that you’re so involved! But for the love of all things good don’t get involved in an event where NSFW content is likely to appear. No amount of “I’m mature enough” or “I act older” constitutes a valid excuse, and you’re putting your (adult) participants in a very dangerous situation if you do that. ESPECIALLY if they don’t know you’re underage

*This isn’t to say you can’t run a bigger event if you’re alone, because people can and have done it and quite successfully at that. But in that case you must be absolutely all in

Participants

When you sign up for something, take the commitment seriously. Only sign up for things you know you’ll have the time/energy to deliver on, and do your best to do it

Stay on task. Keep to the schedule on your own, don’t make the organizers run after you

If you need an extension, ask for it, and don’t wait for the last minute. Sometimes you just need those few extra days or that week to complete your piece. Very often organizers will be understanding if you approach them asking for an extension, but don’t wait till the deadline to do so. Ask for the extension the moment you realize you’ll need extra time. Also ask even if you’re not 100% sure you’ll need it. Better to get the extension but still hand your stuff in on time than to show up the day of the deadline with an incomplete work and asking for more time. In the event that the organizers can’t give you an extension, either sort yourself out to have your stuff done on time or drop out of the event

If you need to drop out, do it sooner rather than later. Sometimes things come up, or your muse goes on vacation, or something else happens that’ll make you unable to participate. That’s ok! It happens to everyone. But in that case, tell the organizers ASAP so they can readjust their plans around you. Don’t just disappear off the face of the Earth without letting them know what your status is

Pace yourself. I know it’s tempting to sign up for everything. But the more you’re in the more strain you put on yourself, and the more likely you are to cause a domino effect if something goes wrong

Don’t air your dirty laundry publicly. If you have an issue with another participant or the organizer(s), or the way the event is being managed, or whatever else, take it up privately first. If it can’t be resolved, maybe just quietly drop out of the event and go on your way 

[mikeycheersquad-blog]

FAQ

What is the final product going to be? The final product will be a compilation in book format. See the Submissions page for details.

Do I need to sign up? Nope! It’s entirely up to you whether you want to participate, and there’s no absolutely no obligation to commit. This is just a fun project to send a little love back to someone who’s been so loving and awesome to us.

Can I send a handwritten letter? Short answer: YES! Long answer: STILL YES. Since everything is compiled digitally, all I ask is that you submit a clean, legible scan of your letter by email.

Don’t have a scanner? Your local library probably does, and I can promise it’ll look better reproduced on a page if it’s a scan rather than a photo.

Remember that it’s gotta be legible at an 8”x10” (20×25 cm) size!!

What dimensions do I need to fit my submission to? The active print dimensions will be 7.25 x 9.25in (18.415 x 23.495cm). If you’re submitting an image, the minimum resolution requirement is 300 dpi. The size of the image itself can be larger or smaller, but smaller images will only be printed at their original size – bigger images will be scaled down to fit the page accordingly. Want a full bleed image that reaches the edge of the page? Make sure it’s 8.125 x 10.25in (20.637 x 26.035cm) and there’s nothing vital on the very edges. Here are the dimension specifics & a handy template you can use to make sure your image will print beautifully. 

Will you edit my submission?

This has two answers.

I will not be changing whatever you choose to submit. Whatever you send me is what will be printed. Your work is your own, and you are responsible for submitting what you think best reflects your thoughts. Please proofread (or have a friend proofread) for errors like spelling/grammar.

I will be checking for resolution & size requirements, and if there’s any red flags I’ll get back to you.

Will you print everything that you receive? Yes. If it doesn’t fit within the allotted 200 pages, we can add a few pages or discuss a Vol. 2.

I missed the deadline by, like, a day. Will you add my submission to the book? Unless we’re short on content, no. (If we are short, the deadline will be extended). You’re more than welcome to submit after the deadline, but everything will be put into a folder marked Vol. 2 and won’t be included in Vol. 1. Why? Deadlines are important -- to you, so you have time to consider what you want to submit and when it needs to be together by; and to me, as the person compiling the book, I need all of the content before this can be completed.

How is Michael going to get this book? Great question. I’d love to hand-deliver this, but sadly I have no plans right now of ever meeting him in person (I live very far away from any of the places that host events that he frequents and have Many Student Loans so travel is sort of a stretch right now), but he did very kindly give us the mailing address of his agency, who forward mail to him. I’ll be verifying the address with him before it’s sent.

I’ve already sent stuff to Michael over Twitter/Instagram. Can I submit it anyway? Yes!!! If you want to immortalize your words or art in a book he can access even when the electricity or wifi cuts out, send it on in!

Will anything submitted here be posted online? I’d love to share anything you send me on this blog -- it’s great for inspiration to see what other people are making -- but that won’t happen unless you give me explicit permission to do so. But does that mean I won’t be able to see the finished product? I’ll be posting a link to a PDF of the final product so that everyone can see their contributions all together. 

How can I help? I would cry and also add you to the This Project Was Made Possible By page if you do.

Things that could be done:

Networking!!! If you know of anyone who might be interested in participating in this project, let them know we exist! Shoutout on the social media platform of your choice!

Funding (see below)

Costs:

You are under no obligation to pay anything to be a part of this project. Participation is free!! This is just full disclosure of what’s going on with the production side of things.

If I had a decent printer, I would print everything and bind the book myself but alas I am no longer in college.

I’ll be using Blurb.com (a print-on-demand service) to print – an 8”x10” (20×25 cm) trade hardcover with imagewrap (no dust jacket), in full colour on 70# paper. If I have time, I can make and construct a dust jacket to put over it, no problem.

Why a trade hardcover instead of a photo book? Price. A good quality photo book is in the range of $80. A trade paperback offers slightly lower quality paper (70# paper is still hecking amazing, btw, I love printing on it), and lowers the cost significantly. It’s also still a very high quality book (I love blurb??? They do an amazing job)

Economy colour at 200 pages: $25.55 (additional pages $0.06)

Standard colour at 200 pages: $49.39 (additional pages $0.15)

(This does not include shipping).

I’m not made of money but I can afford to print a book.

And hey, if everyone who submits also contributes as little as 50c or even $1, this would be covered in no time and if we pool enough money, I’m all for splurging for the photo book, no bother.

If I donate, where will my money go? It’ll go straight into funding this book. If we reach the goal, then I’ll update this page & also make a shoutout post – life is expensive so it’s really not necessary to go over the goal. If the amount goes over, then it’ll go straight to the next volume.

As always, thank you so much!!! This wouldn’t be possible without you.

[gffa]

STAR WARS is really good for time travel fic, the urge to give the characters a chance to fix things, now that they have an idea of what went wrong or what to look out for, while still having to relive so many painful things, that balance of suffering and yet it’s worth it for the hope it offers, it’s exactly what the best fic is made of. I LOVE TIME TRAVEL FIC SO MUCH, so I’ve collected together a bunch of my favorites! (Last Updated: 2017.04.19) ✦ Shadows of the Future by stormqueen873, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon & cast, 129.3k    ObiWan lost the duel on Mustafar, but instead of dying, he finds himself on a ship leaving Tatooine, with his old Master and a familiar young boy. As events begin to unfold, can he stop the future he knows from occuring? ✦ Lost Reflections by esama, obi-wan & ben, 30.k wip    Obi-Wan didn’t become Qui-Gon Jinn’s apprentice, and Ben didn’t exile himself to Tatooine. On Bandomeer the two meet. ✦ Threads of the Past by Magier74, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon & xanatos, 37.8k    Obi-Wan and Anakin make an unexpected detour returning home from a mission. ✦ time to change the road you’re on by wreckageofstars, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & cast, 24.3k wip    The end of the Clone War is near - the fall of the Republic even nearer. Anakin Skywalker, caught up in the events that lead to the rise of the Empire and the loss of everything he holds dear, finds himself sent nearly two decades into the future. ✦ these are the good old days by QueenWithABeeThrone, han & obi-wan & anakin, 2.3k    Han Solo, after being killed by his own son, wakes up as an eight-year-old on Corellia, then runs away from home. just his luck (or the Force) that his ride crashes on a world being squabbled over by the Republic and the Separatists. just his luck (or the Force) that he runs into Anakin Skywalker and Obi-wan Kenobi, too. ✦ set this dance alight by QueenWithABeeThrone, obi-wan & ahsoka & han & cast, 3k wip    “And don’t call me squirt.” “You’re shorter than I am,” Tano shoots back, “I get to call you anything I like.” or: Han Solo finds the Millennium Falcon a decade or so earlier than scheduled, and Obi-wan Kenobi finds himself adjusting to his new padawan while on the job. ✦ White Rabbits by Butterfly, obi-wan/anakin & background anakin/padme & luke & leia & han & cast, NSFW, time travel, 102.5k wip    Through the Force, everything is connected. Anakin and Obi-Wan find this out first-hand. ✦ Futurus (-a -um) by cadesama, anakin/padme + obi-wan/anakin/padme + luke & leia & mon mathma & ahsoka, mildly nsfw, 53.2k wip    Cracked hyperdrive? No problem. Just hold it together with the Force. Time travel? Well. That could be a bigger problem. ✦ One Day More by CalaisKenobi, obi-wan & qui-gon & anakin & cast, 31.2k    Obi-Wan is given the opportunity to make some changes in his past. With the help of some old friends, and the hindrance of some old enemies, the Galaxy will be forever changed. ✦ Wake the Storm by bedlamsbard, obi-wan & anakin (pre-slash) & cast, 75.4k    Considering that he had picked up what was probably a Sith artifact, promptly passed out in the middle of a war zone, and apparently woken up twenty years in the future with Obi-Wan having taken up residence in his head, Anakin thought he was entitled to have a few questions. ✦ Old Man Luke by scarletjedi, obi-wan & anakin & luke & cast, 10.4k wip    Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes. “Who are you?” He asked, hoping a direct question would yield answers. The old man seemed adept at side-stepping information when asked a bit more deftly. “I’ve never heard of a Master with your level of talent.” ✦ Hello From the Other Side by DarthNickels, anakin & luke & han/leia & kylo ren & piett, body swap, time travel, 16.7k wip    Kylo Ren is destined to take up the mantle of Vader. The Force can be incredibly literal. ✦ I Found You by KeeperofSeeds, obi-wan & shmi, ~1k    A pregnant Shmi makes it to the Jedi Temple and immediate seeks out and finds the boy who was (will be?) her son’s Master/brother/teacher/friend. The boy who became the man to sacrifice himself for her grandchildren. The One who shared her Visions. ✦ went back and put up a fight by springsoldier (ladydaredevil), obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka, 2k    She probably shouldn’t trust the wish-granting Sith artefact. (In which Ahsoka makes a brave attempt at hugging the Dark Side out of Anakin) ✦ Tumblr Ramblings (Obi-Wan Time Travel/AU-jump) by gaealynn, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon & cast,    At the end of RotJ, Obi-Wan reaches out a hand to help Anakin cross over and instead – wakes up on Naboo. ✦ Hollow by JennMel, qui-gon & obi-wan & anakin & others, 5.6k    Obi-Wan has always had a secret. And Qui-Gon could not, must not, ever know. If he did, then they would never even make it to Tatooine, let alone deal with the rest to come. One perfect possible future, that’s all Obi-Wan needed to achieve…that’s all. ✦ Conversations at the Intersections of Time by Sentimental Star, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon, 5.2k wip    What happens when a thirteen-year-old Anakin Skywalker and his twenty-nine-year-old Master get snatched back in time, only to come face to face with a fifteen-year-old Obi-Wan…and a very much alive Qui-Gon Jinn? ✦ Tumbling Star Wars by esama, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon & padme, 4.9k    Various Star Wars snippets. Some crossovers. ✦ The Dark Path Lit by Sun and Stars by delicatefury, obi-wan & luke & leia & han & cast, time travel, ~4k    Obi-Wan wakes up in the middle of a space battle. Or rather he doesn’t. Regardless, a dogfight is no place for an existential crisis. ✦ TDPL Snippet - Leia and Obi-Wan by delicatefury, obi-wan & leia, 1.9k    In honor of Carrie Fisher, here’s the first Leia POV scene I wrote for The Dark Path Lit by Sun and Stars. ✦ TDPL snippet - The Padawan Discussion, round 2. by delicatefury, obi-wan & luke, 2.4k    “I know… I know I made a big deal about being a Jedi like my Father,” Luke beings. “And I’m not taking it back,” he hastens to add. “I wanted to be a Jedi at first because he was. I guess I just wanted to know him in someway. But I didn’t wanna be a Jedi like my Father, y’know?” ✦ There’s Still Time to Change the Road You’re On by victoria_p (musesfool), anakin & luke & leia, 3.6k    “Time travel? Are you kriffing kidding me?” ✦ I’ll Be There For You by SinkingLikeASunset, obi-wan/anakin/padme (eventual) & qui-gon & clones & cast, 40.7k wip    Just days after his fateful encounter with Anakin on Mustafar , Obi-Wan has resigned himself to a lonely existence on Tatooine. However, he has been granted a chance to go back and fix things. Obi-Wan must alter events and make changes as he struggles with memories of a dreadful future and deals with new developments this time around. ✦ untitled by cadesama part 1 / 2 / 3, obi-wan & anakin & leia & rey & padme & finn & poe & cast, 2.7k wip    A decade ago, Leia would have considered this a headache. Perhaps a nightmare. Now, she was mostly bemused. ✦ of deserts and droids by songstress, rey & anakin, 3.9k    Rey accidentally time-travels, and realizes that Jedi are even more weird than she had ever imagined. ✦ Tumbling Star Wars by esama, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon & padme, 4.9k    Various Star Wars snippets. Some crossovers. ✦ One Day More by CalaisKenobi, obi-wan & qui-gon & anakin & cast, 31.2k    Obi-Wan is given the opportunity to make some changes in his past. With the help of some old friends, and the hindrance of some old enemies, the Galaxy will be forever changed. ✦ Conversations at the Intersections of Time by Sentimental Star, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon, 5.2k wip    What happens when a thirteen-year-old Anakin Skywalker and his twenty-nine-year-old Master get snatched back in time, only to come face to face with a fifteen-year-old Obi-Wan…and a very much alive Qui-Gon Jinn? ✦ Tumbling Star Wars by esama, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon, 11.2k    Various Star Wars snippets. Some crossovers. ✦ The Dark Path Lit by Sun and Stars by A_Delicate_Fury, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & luke & leia & cody & cast, time travel, 4.3k wip    After a disaster on the cosmic scale that Obi-Wan is still trying to wrap his mind around, he finds himself back in the early days of the Clone Wars, Commander Cody loyally at his side, Anakin at his back, and Sidious plotting against the Jedi at every turn. He’s been given an unasked for chance to do everything over again. And with the Force as his ally, he intends to set the galaxy on a brighter path than its current trajectory. ✦ The Reality of Change by midnight_vision, obi-wan/anakin/padme & ahsoka & cast, time travel, 66k wip    Padmé dies on Mustafar and wakes up in the past, about a year before everything falls apart. She’s determined to make sure none of it happens again, and with some help, she tries to expose Palpatine for what he really is. But even if Anakin and the Republic can be saved, that doesn’t mean the outcome will be something any of them want. ✦ From a Certain Point of View pt 1 / pt 2 / pt 3 / pt 4, obi-wan & anakin & padme & ahsoka & sidious & cast, 7.5k ✦ Tumblr Ramblings (Obi-Wan Time Travel/AU-jump) by gaealynn, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon & cast,    At the end of RotJ, Obi-Wan reaches out a hand to help Anakin cross over and instead – wakes up on Naboo. ✦ The Fires by Driverpicksthemooseic (Ratkinzluver33), obi-wan/anakin & hinted obi-wan/anakin/padme, 4.2k    He wakes quickly and without thought, breaking through the barrier of unconsciousness to find himself face down on the floor of a starfighter. (OR, Groundhog Day. ROTS, Battle of Mustafar, Full-On Groundhog Day. Yes, I am a masochist, thank you for asking.) ✦ Where Have We Come? by soaring_heart, obi-wan & anakin, 1.9k    The first time was one of the hardest and the easiest. Obi-Wan loses at Mustafar, but instead of dying he wakes up at the dawn of the last day of the republic, doomed to repeat the worst day of his life, over and over again. ✦ All Over Again by tricksterity, obi-wan/anakin & qui-gon & shmi & cast, time travel, 27.7k wip    Obi-Wan Kenobi is sixteen years old when he collapses in the training salle to the shock of his master, Qui-Gon Jinn. When he wakes up two days later after multiple seizures and flatlining once, he remembers the Clone Wars, remembers Mustafar, remembers being cut in half by the man he loved more than anything in the universe, and he remembers Luke and Leia. ✦ Soldier, Poet, King by Glare, obi-wan/anakin & qui-gon & mace & dooku & palpatine & cast, sith!obi-wan, NSFW, 95.4k wip    Second chances are very rarely given, but the Force smiles upon two of its favorite children and returns them to a time before their actions have met their consequences. Anakin Skywalker, also known as Darth Vader, seeks redemption while Obi-Wan “Ben” Kenobi, disillusioned with the Jedi Order and its Code, falls to the Darkness. full details + recs under the cut!

✦ Shadows of the Future by stormqueen873, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon & cast, 129.3k    ObiWan lost the duel on Mustafar, but instead of dying, he finds himself on a ship leaving Tatooine, with his old Master and a familiar young boy. As events begin to unfold, can he stop the future he knows from occuring?    I AM SO SAD THIS FIC IS OVER. I admit, the beginning is super fluffy and it takes awhile to get into the real tension of the piece, but when the fic delivers on the revelations, when Qui-Gon finally finds out what Obi-Wan knows, when Obi-Wan finally has to really let loose in a fight, when Anakin realizes what happened in Obi-Wan’s future, all of it is so goddamned worth the wait. I do actually enjoy the fluff of this fic, I don’t mean to indicate otherwise, because it’s adorable and necessary, where Obi-Wan just loves kidlet Anakin so much and has the experience to be more open about it this time, the maturity to better handle everything, has Qui-Gon still alive to let up on his own grief, it’s wonderful to read and soothed my heart and paved the way for the relationships being even stronger than they were.    But it’s really in the second half where this fic becomes absolutely magical, where shit finally hits the fan and revelations have to happen and the plot cannot remain the same because Obi-Wan’s not going to let things fall apart again. I absolutely could not put the fic down by that point, I was utterly engrossed and read practically the whole second half in one sitting because I kept needing to turn the page, just one more time, just one more time! The tension of how things unfold, Sidious and Maul’s plots, the Jedi Council trying to figure out what’s going on, Qui-Gon trying to figure out what the hell is up with Obi-Wan, Anakin bonding so fiercely to Obi-Wan, all of it ties together and culminates in a fine as hell epic fight scene that left me so damned satisfied.    The fic is absolutely focused on making things better, in fixing everything, but it never forgets that Obi-Wan is not who he was in the original timeline, because he’s grown, he’s healing here, but he’s still a Jedi Master who has Seen A Lot Of Shit, that the second time around is necessary to be built on top of the previous one, which is how time travel fics work best for me. Plus, this has one of my new favorites of the duel on Mustafar, when Anakin won that duel and how he won it, how you realize it shapes so much of what happens between them. And the ending! MY HEART FEELS SO MUCH BETTER AFTER THIS FIC. ✦ Lost Reflections by esama, obi-wan & ben, 30.k wip    Obi-Wan didn’t become Qui-Gon Jinn’s apprentice, and Ben didn’t exile himself to Tatooine. On Bandomeer the two meet.    Holy shit, I got sucked into this fic hard, despite that I really did not expect to. I was wary because my heart hurt at the idea of Obi-Wan never becoming a Jedi Knight, that Qui-Gon passed him over and never changed his mind, and the lack of other characters around them. But I’ve always enjoyed this author’s work whenever they write something and the fic quickly engrossed me and eventually I realized why it’s perfectly set up–it’s not about the big, epic events of the greater storyline, but it’s about Obi-Wan Kenobi. It’s set from the younger one’s POV, as a strange possible Jedi named Ben Kenobi shows up on the farming world he’s been assigned to, so you can guess at so much of what Ben’s been through, but you don’t know the specifics and it works so well for that, especially because you can feel that bone deep weariness of soul and heart, even as he still has such care in him. It’s perfectly set up because it’s interesting, the ways that they use the Force in the AgriCorps that’s different from how a Jedi Knight uses it, it’s genuinely impressive what they do and it strengths their abilities in different ways.    This isn’t a time travel fic about fixing the timeline, it’s about Ben Kenobi finding healing because he needs to find himself. It’s about slice of life moments, it’s about nothing being hurried or frantic, but about Ben doing something wholly good again and lessening the hurt of those he’s lost (especially Anakin’s fall). And, oh, it’s a fic with gorgeous characterization, I love how different these two characters are, yet they are both Obi-Wan Kenobi, that deep well of caring and strength of personality and rightness of heart, even as there are absolutely feelings of anger and bitterness that young Obi-Wan works through. And Ben is perfect, even as the fic slowly reveals the wounded parts of his character, he still the absolute epitome of a perfect Jedi, he’s always composed and refined and graceful. He’s such an incredible teacher (of course, it helps that he knows exactly what he needs), always patient and yet not without humor and finding amusement in frustrating his apprentice at times, that he is so good for younger Obi-Wan, who grows so much with this guidance. It’s not about big reveals, it’s not about greater plot machinations, but instead about the slice of life moments that build (or fix) the foundations of both of the characters. It’s a WIP, but it doesn’t really matter because everything you’re getting out of this fic is present in the chapters that have already been posted and, honestly, while I would read 100k more of this (or at least like to know the ultimate ending), it’s also entirely satisfying the way it is. I got sucked into this and read it all in one sitting just about because it’s exactly the balm my soul needed, too. ✦ Threads of the Past by Magier74, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon & xanatos, 37.8k    Obi-Wan and Anakin make an unexpected detour returning home from a mission.    Another fic that I found myself getting sucked into before I knew it! It’s Obi-Wan and Anakin traveling back to just before Obi-Wan became Qui-Gon’s Padawan and of course things do not go smoothly, but in a way that ultimately winds up being really satisfying to read. I do wish there had been a bit more filling in of details (the revelation scene was sadly missed) but ultimately I don’t mind because it still gave me so many things I was here for: Anakin getting a better understanding of Obi-Wan for having seen him as a less controlled child, being kind of freaked out because if Obi-Wan dies then he won’t be there for Anakin, the getting to actually see Qui-Gon instead of placing him on an idealized pedestal, as well as Obi-Wan seeing Qui-Gon again and learning how to really work through that grief. But also beyond that the timeline changes and that means plot changes happen! Xanatos becomes more important to the grand scheme, it means Obi-Wan and Anakin are closer when Anakin’s life goes to hell, it means the events of the galaxy shift into a better gear bit by bit. It’s not a terribly long fic, but it was suitably epic in scope and utterly satisfying by the end, it balanced the bigger plot stuff with the smaller human moments (Obi-Wan helping Anakin through his mother’s death is a scene that really stuck with me) in a way that really made me happy. Another example of why I read time travel fic, god bless. ✦ time to change the road you’re on by wreckageofstars, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & cast, 24.3k wip    The end of the Clone War is near - the fall of the Republic even nearer. Anakin Skywalker, caught up in the events that lead to the rise of the Empire and the loss of everything he holds dear, finds himself sent nearly two decades into the future.    Oh, I’m terribly hooked on this fic. The first couple of chapters were just this utter struggle, like an absolute slog to get through, in exactly the way it should be, because there’s so much history and weight on these characters, that throwing Anakin forward in time to Ahsoka, before she meets Vader face to face again, but after she knows who he is, and then she sees Anakin again, practically dumped in her lap, but on the verge of falling, already so far gone that it feels next to impossible to fix all of this, even when they have the chance. It’s exhausting, but so good, especially because it’s such a difficult situation and Ahsoka handles it as best she can!    One of the things I especially loved about it is, when she finds herself in that position, she doesn’t tell the whole truth, and you can see why, that she can be upset and hurt that someone else didn’t tell her the whole truth (though, I’m not sure why she’s angry with Obi-Wan when she finds out about him, how would he even have told her?) and yet still you understand, because she’s been there herself just now, that it’s not always so easy to just tell the whole truth. And that’s one of the things about Star Wars–it’s understandable to be upset when someone doesn’t tell you these horrible things you wanted to know, but there are understandable reasons why that person didn’t. It’s not directly paralleled, but I felt like it helped further show why Obi-Wan made some of the choices he did in canon, because sometimes there are just only bad choices and you have to pick one.    But the heart of the story is about Ahsoka trying to deal with all of this, trying to reach Anakin, who really is just a mess, it’s a story about a lot of things coming out because they have the chance to fix things. It’s a story about reconnecting everyone to each other, giving them a chance they thought lost, and, oh, when they get to Obi-Wan, when he sees Anakin again for the first time, my fannish heart broke in exactly the way it was supposed to. I was practically wriggling in my seat in the build-up and it really didn’t disappoint me at all, there was just so much there, even in just a page or two. So much love and loss. So much love and loss with Ahsoka as well, so much aching sadness whenever moppet Leia is on the screen or when they talk to Bail, so much sadness and suffering in this Star Wars universe, even though there’s hope to maybe fix it. This is a bit of an exhausting fic, but that only makes me respect it more, because this is supposed to be exhausting. And I cannot wait for more of this one.    Chapter 5: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. Oh, I read this entire chapter with a heavy feeling in my chest, in exactly the way the fic was supposed to give me, that it lived up to the potential of it in all the ways I was hoping it would. Ahsoka and Anakin have found Obi-Wan on Tatooine and the entire chapter is about trying to piece together what happened, along with just how much it weighed on Obi-Wan, just how much of him died back on Mustafar. The little touches, the way Anakin is so on edge here, but then flings himself at Obi-Wan to cry on him, the way Obi-Wan brushes Anakin’s hair out of his face when he’s sleeping, the way every word about what he knows feels like it’s a heavy stone being dragged up a mountain, all of it made me feel that sheer weight of feeling, how much love and care there was there and how much it hurt when things all went bad. It’s lovely writing and does so much justice to these characters and events and the Ahsoka pov is used so well to show how worn down this version of the man she used to know is, how different Ben Kenobi is from Obi-Wan Kenobi. There’s so much hurt and anger and exhaustion here, in all the right places and it’s so good. ✦ these are the good old days by QueenWithABeeThrone, han & obi-wan & anakin, 2.3k    Han Solo, after being killed by his own son, wakes up as an eight-year-old on Corellia, then runs away from home. just his luck (or the Force) that his ride crashes on a world being squabbled over by the Republic and the Separatists. just his luck (or the Force) that he runs into Anakin Skywalker and Obi-wan Kenobi, too.    Oh, my god, this was such a joyful ride, I could have read it for another 100k and eaten it up like it was nothing but delicious candy, even as it’s just the right length for what it wants to achieve. It’s such a great Han voice, the right amount of “wtf” blended with “well, whatever, this is my life now, I guess” feeling, the fic does a glorious job of those reveal moments that you know are coming, when he realizes just who he’s run into, the hilarious shock of, oh, shit, it’s kriffing Vader and oh, fuck, that’s Obi-Wan Kenobi, but also they’re not really what Han was expecting, either. The whole fic is an absolute scream, I never knew how badly I needed Han Solo to be the worst time traveler ever, to interact with Anakin and Obi-Wan in hilarious ways, to have his life just entirely fucked up by these Force users. But this was super great and everyone should read it, my face hurts from grinning just remembering reading it! ✦ set this dance alight by QueenWithABeeThrone, obi-wan & ahsoka & han & cast, 3k wip    “And don’t call me squirt.” “You’re shorter than I am,” Tano shoots back, “I get to call you anything I like.” or: Han Solo finds the Millennium Falcon a decade or so earlier than scheduled, and Obi-wan Kenobi finds himself adjusting to his new padawan while on the job.    You’ll probably need to have read these are the good old days before this fic to understand it. I used to really dislike the idea of Force Sensitive Han, because not everyone has to be Force Sensitive, but he’s so cranky about things here, the idea that he’d hate so much all the things he’s good at are because of the Force, that actually seeing time traveling Han Solo be de-aged and sort of stumble into becoming Obi-Wan’s new Jedi Padawan Learner? AMAZING. This fic is just pure joy to read, as bb!Han sneaks out and gets sort of caught by Ahsoka and he’s just like three feet of pure grumpiness and old man cranky and smuggler to the core. Every time he thinks about baby Vader (aka Anakin) or has a scene with Obi-Wan or gets along with Ahsoka or misses his friends, I’m just entirely :D :D :D about it. ✦ White Rabbits by Butterfly, obi-wan/anakin & background anakin/padme & luke & leia & han & cast, NSFW, time travel, 102.5k wip    Through the Force, everything is connected. Anakin and Obi-Wan find this out first-hand.    I do have a couple of caveats about the fic–it hasn’t been updated in close to a year (but it’s also been in progress for over 10 years, so the author does keep coming back) and the beginning of the fic (probably about the first third at least?) is very much the plot moving the characters rather than the characters moving the plot, that they don’t really react to things in a way that feels organic to their own motivations, but rather where the scene wants them to go. And I do have some trouble wrapping my mind around the idea that Anakin wouldn’t be all over his kids, even as the fic gently nudges him away from them because of jealousy and then fear for Padme’s life. I mention these things because I want to encourage readers beyond them (as I always do with recs) because it’s a story that I read over the course of a couple of days and the writing is really smooth and just so nicely sailed along and it very much has a plot and does a really lovely job of balancing the five rotating character povs (Obi-Wan, Anakin, Luke, Leia, and Han), of throwing this tangle of characters together and keeping up with group scenes. The fic’s plot is absolutely intriguing and the author is taking their time with it without feeling like it was dragged out, it’s almost sort of hard to believe that it’s a fic that’s over 100k because it was just so easy to keep reading and never felt bogged down or padded out just to up the word count.    And once the fic settles into the story, as Obi-Wan and Anakin discover more and more about this future, as they’re thrown into a situation where Anakin has to face what he’s capable of (once he hears about Vader) and how the fic sort of… balances between trying to reconcile that/fix it and also just sort of avoiding it by going I WON’T DO THAT I WILL AVOID IT, which is actually a pretty perfectly Anakin Skywalker reaction. The author also knows how to write UST while still giving some resolution, that Obi-Wan and Anakin are very attracted to each other and it’s being thrown into this mind-boggling situation where Anakin desperately needs someone to help and support him, he desperately needs someone to cling onto, that seeing this future where the Jedi are gone and this horribleness is possible, that finally breaks that last hurdle and jams them together. I love that Padme may not be here, but Anakin’s love for her never is dialed down a notch, that so much of why he wants to go back is to save her, that he still loves her just as furiously and obsessively as ever, even as he loves Obi-Wan as well. And the sex scenes were lovely, the way Anakin is desperate to grind himself against Obi-Wan is lovely, as well as the brief moments where Obi-Wan’s hands slide lower down his back, not quite ghosting over the prize there, but the implication of the future, that one day he may open Anakin up and push into him is there, and just the right amount of promise of it.    But also! The later chapters are starting to get into just what all is in this world, what’s left that they might still remember, that they’re still working to uncover just what happened, both to them and to this world that may be their future. And I do love that it’s Leia who pushes for them not to change things, because they worked damn hard for this future, because they fought and bled for it, because she won’t give up this hope or gamble it away on something that might be better or might be worse, that who she is, everything that’s made her Leia Organa, could disappear, it makes perfect sense that she would try to convince them to stay, and it allows the fic the time and room to explore these characters from the past in this future. It’s a fic that’s definitely a WIP and may take a long time to update again, but I greatly enjoyed what was here and it was just so very easy to sink into and I appreciated having that over the past week! Plus several Obikin kissing scenes yes thank you! ✦ Futurus (-a -um) by cadesama, anakin/padme + obi-wan/anakin/padme + luke & leia & mon mathma & ahsoka, mildly nsfw, 53.2k wip    Cracked hyperdrive? No problem. Just hold it together with the Force. Time travel? Well. That could be a bigger problem.    I have two caveats about this fic before I begin: It’s a WIP that hasn’t been updated in about a year, so I’m not sure if it will be. But it gets enough satisfying stuff in so even though it ends on a cliffhanger, I found it absolutely worth reading! And that it’s very fast in the beginning, there’s not much time to build up suspense before the reveals are already happening. This isn’t a fic I wound up reading for the suspense or reveals by the time I got into the thick of it, this is a fic that’s about the building relationship between Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Padme. Previous to this fic, I’d never shipped anything but Anakin/Padme, so their relationship being strong here, being absolutely important to Anakin’s pov, while the shifting nature of his relationship with Obi-Wan is slowly changing, works for me, it eased me in at just the right pacing and made me actually really, really want it.    What the fic does the most beautifully for me, though, is how Anakin is so beloved and so special and so brilliant, but he’s also an obnoxious pain in the ass, the way Padme and Obi-Wan both love him dearly, but he’s also a dumbass, oh, that worked for me because that’s exactly it, that’s how they relate to him. The plot part of the story was interesting as well, I definitely want to know where things are going, how this will affect history, and I love love love that the PT characters were the ones thrown forward into the OT’s time, that’s where my heart really is, and this fic just completely and totally charmed the hell out of me! I especially appreciate that it gently eased me into shipping this OT3 in a way that worked for me and got me to be able to actually see it. ✦ One Day More by CalaisKenobi, obi-wan & qui-gon & anakin & cast, 31.2k    Obi-Wan is given the opportunity to make some changes in his past. With the help of some old friends, and the hindrance of some old enemies, the Galaxy will be forever changed.    I am an absolute sucker for time travel fic and it’s nice to see one that’s finished and kept fairly short! Obi-Wan is so beloved by the Force (always a way to get me to click on a fic, lbr) that he gets three chances to change different days in his life and the fic isn’t really about the lengthy details of the changed timelines, but instead more about using one or two moments in those changed times to highlight how things could have done differently. It’s really a fic about how selfless a character Obi-Wan Kenobi is, how he would never sacrifice someone else for his own gain or happiness, that’s just not who he is at all, that he will always put himself in danger before anyone else. It’s a fic about how dearly he loves the people he cares about, Qui-Gon and then Anakin later (though, the first section is lighter on Obi-Wan’s love for Anakin than I would have thought) and the ways he comes up with to save them.    It’s a fic that blends a lot of elements, the time travel/chance to redo things that I love, the explanations Obi-Wan eventually gives because suddenly you have a Jedi Master in a Padawan’s body, the emotional charge of losing those he loves again (because you know it’s not going to go right until the third time around, so the second time around with Anakin was just all the feelings place ouchies for me), and the fic floating the idea that I rather largely agree with, that Anakin does bring balance to the Force, that the Jedi Order had become stagnant and the Force wanted change, however that came about. But, ultimately, it’s a fic about giving Obi-Wan a chance at happiness without sacrificing the things Obi-Wan will always do, that saving the galaxy doesn’t have to be about those rare bigger moments, but instead it’s about the everyday joy and love for life that pulls the galaxy towards something better. And all of that was just exactly right for me, centered around Obi-Wan’s character as it was, it’s everything I want from this fandom. ✦ Wake the Storm by bedlamsbard, obi-wan & anakin (pre-slash) & cast, 75.4k    Considering that he had picked up what was probably a Sith artifact, promptly passed out in the middle of a war zone, and apparently woken up twenty years in the future with Obi-Wan having taken up residence in his head, Anakin thought he was entitled to have a few questions.    So, I pretty much sunk into this fic and didn’t come out again until I’d read the whole thing, I just absolutely couldn’t put it down! My only caveat is that, while the build-ups and suspense are stellar, you just kind of have to roll with that the fic is not as strong at reveals. The way the fic is structured, there’s a lot of “omg when will Character A find out about Character b????” that don’t necessarily happen or happen late in the fic or aren’t pieced together when they should be or aren’t dwelled on for long. I don’t think this is a huge detriment, so long as you know what you’re getting ahead of time, though, because what the fic is about (Anakin skipping around the timeline and other universes, dragging Obi-Wan along with him) is absolutely fantastic. The writing is incredibly engaging, it’s the kind where I find this far more readable than a lot of professionally published books, that the plot structure and pacing of the scenes is all rock solid for me. (Tbh, probably the only reason any caveats occur to me at all is because the fic as a whole is so well written.)    The characterization is lovely and gets at the heart of what I wanted–where Anakin experiences the destruction and tragedy that happens, his horror at it solidified by the time he finds out his connection to it, as well as his interaction with Obi-Wan is strengthened up because of what Obi-Wan has been through and how he’s seeing Anakin again and how much time he’s had to think over the events of Anakin’s future. The plot is interesting and the fic spends time with each world but doesn’t linger and there has clearly been thought given to setting all of it up, but it blends into the story perfectly, like… you know those fics you can pick up and just read and read and read because they’re so engaging and written with such good pacing that you don’t want to put it down, that even when it shifts gears, you find yourself rolling right along with it because you want to know what happens next? That’s what this fic did for me, I was so curious about where it was going next and how this was all going to affect them.    While this story itself is gen, you can tell that the story is heading towards Obi-Wan/Anakin/Padme, so it spends time building Obi-Wan/Anakin back up and shifting it to romantic instead of platonic, that it doesn’t happen here at all, but you can feel how desperately Anakin loves Obi-Wan and how Obi-Wan has been given the time to really reflect on feelings and attachment and on Anakin in general, so that I believe it. Plus, I’m a sucker for all the little touches, like Anakin sleeping on Obi-Wan or the way he touches Anakin after he goes through a tough time, it got me right in the feelings place, to go along with the intriguing greater story. I am now going to proceed to dive right into the monster sequel fic and probably roll around in my feelings some more. ✦ Old Man Luke by scarletjedi, obi-wan & anakin & luke & cast, 10.4k wip    Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes. “Who are you?” He asked, hoping a direct question would yield answers. The old man seemed adept at side-stepping information when asked a bit more deftly. “I’ve never heard of a Master with your level of talent.”    Ahhhh, I’m sorry that there’s only four chapters so far, but I totally do not regret reading this! I love time travel fics and having Luke be the one to travel back? To have him at a point where he’s so strong in the Force and then gets to see Obi-Wan and Anakin at the height of the PT Jedi’s presence? In the middle of the Clone War? It’s so intriguing and so much fun and I just tore through all of this super quickly because I couldn’t put it down. I really like this Luke characterization, he’s so thoroughly moral and good, so calm and centered, but without being a non-entity. He still has presence and reactions and feelings! But also Obi-Wan and Anakin! The bits of their friendship that are in the fic are also delightful and I’m practically champing at the bit for them to get to the big reveal about Luke, because the set-up is really good and the writing is really smooth and the characters/plot feel really solid, and I absolutely want more! I love all time travel fics, but I love them especially when they can give me something new and interesting and follow through on that potential like this one is doing. ✦ Hello From the Other Side by DarthNickels, anakin & luke & han/leia & kylo ren & piett, body swap, time travel, 16.7k wip    Kylo Ren is destined to take up the mantle of Vader. The Force can be incredibly literal.    Holy shit, this fic sucked me in hard and grabbed hold of me and I tore through all of what was available in one sitting because it was just so damn interesting. Vader and Kylo Ren swap places and times, Vader in the future, Kylo Ren in the past, and both are absolutely fascinating for all that could happen! Kylo Ren in the past, being able to “fix” Vader’s mistake at the end, the momentary weakness he had, being able to change things towards the dark side in this timeline, so interesting! But also. Oh, man, Vader in the future, finding Luke again and then seeing Leia and Han, while in the body of their son, the amount of delicate work to write that scene so exquisitely well, to keep all of them in character, especially Vader’s cold distance and Leia’s vulnerability for Ben and her fury at Vader, then the doubly difficult path of writing Vader discovering who Leia is, oh, it’s so good. It’s so painful and terrible and absolutely perfect, this Vader is spot on, this Leia is spot on, and the whole group being there and trying to figure out what the hell to do next, it’s just everything I could have possibly asked for. ✦ I Found You by KeeperofSeeds, obi-wan & shmi, ~1k    A pregnant Shmi makes it to the Jedi Temple and immediate seeks out and finds the boy who was (will be?) her son’s Master/brother/teacher/friend. The boy who became the man to sacrifice himself for her grandchildren. The One who shared her Visions.    It didn’t take long for me to fall in love with this fic, because I love love love the set-up of it and how it was done and how eager I am to know more about this universe. I love time travel fics, I love when there’s more than one person who lived the original timeline, I love the chance to do things over, I love that this fic cares how much Anakin meant to Obi-Wan, BUT ALSO SHMI SKYWALKER, who has visions of everything that was Anakin’s life. There is SO MUCH POTENTIAL here that I’m just ridiculously excited about where it could go and what it could do! ✦ went back and put up a fight by springsoldier (ladydaredevil), obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka, 2k    She probably shouldn’t trust the wish-granting Sith artefact. (In which Ahsoka makes a brave attempt at hugging the Dark Side out of Anakin)    Ahsoka time travel fic! This wasn’t long, but it was enough to get to the good stuff–Ahsoka being dumped back into the past and pretty much the first thing she does is go hug Anakin because, oh, he’s still there and I just really had a lot of feelings right along with her. I loved how hopeful and good this fic was, I love how much I believed in Ahsoka to change things, to help fix things. I loved this as a time travel fic and as a “Fuck yeah Ahsoka Tano!” fic, both were super delightful aspects. ✦ Tumblr Ramblings (Obi-Wan Time Travel/AU-jump) by gaealynn, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon & cast,    At the end of RotJ, Obi-Wan reaches out a hand to help Anakin cross over and instead – wakes up on Naboo.    I am always willing to pick up a time travel fic, especially if it’s Obi-Wan time travelling, so I enjoyed this half-fic, half-scenario piece just for those things! And I love that this is an Obi-Wan who has suffered through so many terrible losses, the weight of that isn’t gone, but he’s still that guy who keeps getting up again, who doesn’t know how to surrender when something like this is put in front of him. And, oh, there’s a scene in the second chapter where he meets bb!Anakin again, where he knows there will be hope now, and there’s cuddling and, oh, it’s Anakin and just. I had feelings all over the place during that scene alone! ✦ Hollow by JennMel, qui-gon & obi-wan & anakin & others, 5.6k    Obi-Wan has always had a secret. And Qui-Gon could not, must not, ever know. If he did, then they would never even make it to Tatooine, let alone deal with the rest to come. One perfect possible future, that’s all Obi-Wan needed to achieve…that’s all.    I greatly enjoyed this piece, one that didn’t need to be long to do some fixing of the timeline and having an interesting concept that it pulled off nicely. I love how it changes things, offers so much hope, but without making it easy or without a lot of pain and sacrifice, which makes the potential for something better all the more well earned. ✦ Conversations at the Intersections of Time by Sentimental Star, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon, 5.2k wip    What happens when a thirteen-year-old Anakin Skywalker and his twenty-nine-year-old Master get snatched back in time, only to come face to face with a fifteen-year-old Obi-Wan…and a very much alive Qui-Gon Jinn?    I am entirely a sucker for time travel fics, especially ones that are about both Obi-Wan getting to see Qui-Gon again and about Anakin seeing a young Padawan Obi-Wan. The fic does drop you into the middle of things (which I’m fine with, all the sooner to get to the good stuff!) and has an epithet problem, but it has young Obi-Wan and young Anakin bonding together and talking about the adults and even if this is just two chapters (so it’s more like a snippet out of a larger story, if you want to view it that way) I had fun with it and am very glad I read it. I will always read adorable Padawans trying to figure stuff out, especially when Anakin starts to understand Obi-Wan better because of it. ✦ Tumbling Star Wars by esama, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon & padme, 4.9k    Various Star Wars snippets. Some crossovers.    These are two separate fics and I loved both of them dearly and would have read 100k for each of them, even as they stand well enough as snippets on their own! The first one is a time travel fic that, oh, just absolutely punched me in the feelings over Obi-Wan’s life and how much he loses post-ROTS, but also the chance he has for things to be different when he wakes up again! It’s one of those that I really would have loved more of it, but am happy with what there is, the little moments that were worked in, how much he cares deeply about Luke and Leia already, the moments he spends with Anakin and you can feel all the undercurrents there, even as they’re simple moments, the way his younger self looks at him and the determination he has that his younger self won’t have the same future as him. It might have been short, but it was a great piece for Obi-Wan! The second is an AU of ROTS, where Anakin doesn’t turn in quite the same way and so instead sneaks off at the end and the Republic is left cleaning up the mess, and this one is much more of a moment of what would be a fascinating larger AU but ahhhh it captured my imagination so well that I loved it dearly. Both are such great concepts with really neat execution that I heartily enjoyed them both. ✦ The Dark Path Lit by Sun and Stars by delicatefury, obi-wan & luke & leia & han & cast, time travel, ~4k    Obi-Wan wakes up in the middle of a space battle. Or rather he doesn’t. Regardless, a dogfight is no place for an existential crisis.    This is a collection of snippets from a longer fic (which you can find on the author’s tag for it as well) but I fell so utterly in love with it that I can’t wait for it to be written into a proper fic to be posted, because I’m a sucker for time travel fics, but also because it’s already hitting all my buttons like you wouldn’t believe. I started with this snippet, where de-aged OT trio meet a strange Jedi in a strange place and just, WHAM, like that I was totally in love, especially with the ending moments and how much they touched my heart. The writing is lovely and the scenario is intriguing as all get out and even just told in snippets as I’ve been reading, I’m already invested in all the little moments, with Luke seeing Obi-Wan again, with getting to see the Jedi temple at its height, or the quieter moments where Obi-Wan especially can finally rest for awhile during all the fighting. It’s a really lovely, delightful set of reading and I am eagerly looking forward to more of it! ✦ TDPL Snippet - Leia and Obi-Wan by delicatefury, obi-wan & leia, 1.9k    In honor of Carrie Fisher, here’s the first Leia POV scene I wrote for The Dark Path Lit by Sun and Stars.    Oh, this was such a lovely scene. I love the idea of Obi-Wan & Leia interaction, there’s only been a handful of fics that really even touch on it much at all, which is understandable, but I still love the idea of it (especially when she’s so very much Anakin’s daughter) and I absolutely adored her vulnerability here, because one of the best things about Leia’s character is that she doesn’t always have to be commanding and in charge, that she can be unsure and scared and sad. I love this moment between her and Obi-Wan, because it is easy to see how his relationship with Luke can overshadow everything else, but that this moment is entirely theirs, that context of Anakin and Padme and Luke are never forgotten, they’re still there, but this moment is wholly about Leia’s character and her relationship with him. And, oh, it was lovely to read. ✦ TDPL snippet - The Padawan Discussion, round 2. by delicatefury, obi-wan & luke, 2.4k    “I know… I know I made a big deal about being a Jedi like my Father,” Luke beings. “And I’m not taking it back,” he hastens to add. “I wanted to be a Jedi at first because he was. I guess I just wanted to know him in someway. But I didn’t wanna be a Jedi like my Father, y’know?”    I was initially wary going into this one, because I love Anakin dearly and bashing of his character usually makes me run the other way, but… this wasn’t bashing at all, it was a very gentle look at the effect his decisions and actions had on other characters, the weight that he left on Obi-Wan’s shoulders and the damage he did. I loved Anakin no less for every moment of this fic, that Luke doesn’t want to be a Jedi like Anakin was a Jedi, not in that way, that it takes nothing away from how much Luke believed in and loved his father, but that their paths are not meant to be the same. This is a Luke characterization that brought up all my Luke feelings, that I love this character so very much, how bright and shining and good he is, without losing the warmth and humanity that invests me in the character. And, oh, Obi-Wan is fantastic here as well, he is so calm and serene, but he still feels things, he still carries such a heavy weight, and it’s one he bears up under, he can handle it, but when some of that weight is taken off, when Luke connects with him, oh, my heart. This had me kind of maybe misting up a little because it was so lovely and perfect and meaningful and good. ✦ There’s Still Time to Change the Road You’re On by victoria_p (musesfool), anakin & luke & leia, 3.6k    “Time travel? Are you kriffing kidding me?”    This was totally adorable and fun, having Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker accidentally vaulted forward in time, running into Luke and Leia in the future, and it goes better than expected. I love that it’s from Anakin’s point of view, but you can still feel Luke’s incredibly excited, eager reaction and Leia’s angry, burning reaction to being face to face with this person. The first half is just really cute, fun action where they’re running away at high speed together, but then shit hits the fan because of course Anakin recognizes his own kids in this situation, in the most delightful moment of OH SHIT YOU’RE MY KIDS :D reaction and I love that they spend all of five minutes trying to protect the timeline before mistakes start happening, before little things slip through. I loved the little mentions, that Luke tells him Obi-Wan can never say it but he does love Anakin, the way Leia looks like Padme and it makes Anakin want to do whatever she says, just. This started out as such a fun thing and then became such a hopeful thing and that made it a great read. ✦ I’ll Be There For You by SinkingLikeASunset, obi-wan/anakin/padme (eventual) & qui-gon & clones & cast, 40.7k wip    Just days after his fateful encounter with Anakin on Mustafar , Obi-Wan has resigned himself to a lonely existence on Tatooine. However, he has been granted a chance to go back and fix things. Obi-Wan must alter events and make changes as he struggles with memories of a dreadful future and deals with new developments this time around.    I think I read this whole fic in just about one sitting, it was one of those that just quietly sucked me in and I found myself turning the page a little too easily and suddenly I was all caught up. It’s a bit more of a quiet sort of read than others in the genre (Obi-Wan wakes up in the past, starts changing everything), it’s a bit more low-key and a bit more slice-of-life-esque, but that contributed to how it was this solidly satisfying read for me. And it’s not that things are easy, there’s definitely a lot of pain and suffering, this is still Star Wars and it’s not like Obi-Wan can just go telling everyone what’s going to happen, so there’s struggling through trying to figure out how to change things, how to figure out what went wrong in the first place and what to do better, as well as deal with the weight of all that tragedy, as well as just how much he loves Anakin, how determined he is to save Anakin this time around, and how it’s a long road to walk, one that seems so very heavy for him, but he keeps doing it. It’s one of those fics that hits so many of the tropes of this particular fic genre and embraces them so fully that it’s just this really quietly satisfying fic to read and I’m so glad to have found it.    Chapter 1-8: I believe I’ve recommended this fic before, but it’s updated since then and I continue to enjoy it! The beginning takes a bit to get underway, but once Obi-Wan is in the past and has settled a bit, the fic shifts into gear and really engaged me. I like that it’s a fic where things aren’t really in a rush, even as they’re often tense and there’s a looming sense of things on the horizon. There’s room to breathe here, as well as some really good scenes between Obi-Wan and various people, especially Anakin, who gets frustrated that Obi-Wan won’t tell him what’s wrong, but Obi-Wan is slowly getting him to learn to trust that he’ll tell Anakin when the time is right. Not that Obi-Wan knows precisely what to do, he stumbles and is at a loss at times, but he’s still making his way carefully and is still determined to make things better this time.    But what I’m really here for is the slow development of Obi-Wan/Anakin/Padme as a threesome and how Obi-Wan/Anakin is getting so much of their communication finally worked out. Chapter seven has a nicely id-satisfying scene where much of the building confrontations finally happen, where Obi-Wan and Anakin finally really talk to each other, how Obi-Wan finally says directly what he now realizes Anakin needs to hear, how Anakin warms under that praise and affection. The fic is at its best when it’s focused on them (and Padme), when it lets me just happily roll around in the tropes that it embraces and just makes me feel all warm-hearted and content!    Chapter 9: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rater than the fic as a whole. This fic starts a bit rough in the beginning, but once the timeline starts changing and the fic settles into the more daily life stuff, it becomes really cute and charming and chapter 9 really exemplifies that for me, it was just so adorable to watch Anakin verbally flailing and tripping over himself because Obi-Wan knew about his marriage to Padme, like I would have read five chapters in a row of that, because that’s where the fic is at its best and it’s just fluffy and pure iddy fix-it and cuteness! And I’m enjoying the slow roll towards Obianidala as a pairing, that it’s been 40k of fic now and they’re just sort of getting around to it and Obi-Wan’s affection for them is very nice and both Anakin and Padme are really cute, especially when Obi-Wan is so calm and serene, because that’s how he is, while they trip over themselves trying to pretend they’re not in a relationship. But also I will apparently eat up with a spoon any time Anakin has a panic attack and Obi-Wan’s presence and guidance helps bring him back, yesss, give me that always, that’s what I’m here for! ✦ untitled by cadesama part 1 / 2 / 3, obi-wan & anakin & leia & rey & padme & finn & poe & cast, 2.7k wip    A decade ago, Leia would have considered this a headache. Perhaps a nightmare. Now, she was mostly bemused.    Oh, I am so charmed by this whole collection of ficlets, finally there is time travel fuckery that includes the TFA characters! And I am so here for Clone Wars era Anakin and Ahsoka plus TPM era Obi-Wan and Anakin and Padme ending up in the future, I’m so here for the hints of Anakin having to interact with Kylo Ren, I’m so here for there being two Future Darth Vaders lounging around their base and everyone Not Knowing What To Say about this, I’m so here for Rey’s utter “wtf” reaction to all of this bullshit, I am so here for Leia just rolling with it because she always lands on her feet no matter how weird something is, and I’m just so here for the banter and the fun of all this collection of people from different eras and what a joyful, joyful clusterfuck this is. :D ✦ of deserts and droids by songstress, rey & anakin, 3.9k    Rey accidentally time-travels, and realizes that Jedi are even more weird than she had ever imagined.    Oh, I love the tone this fic takes, it definitely is crack treated seriously, but it does it so well, it embraces and just totally rolls with the concept of Padawan Learners accidentally time traveling via the Force through meditation and is absolutely precious to see a young Anakin interacting with Rey, the way he’s so chatty and charming and adorable and complains about his life constantly but Rey can absolutely read between the lines of what he says, he’s just such a ball of energy and you instantly feel for Obi-Wan having to deal with that, but also you absolutely love the little shit because he’s got such a charisma to him, but also this is a great piece about Rey and her early days of learning to be a Jedi. And then the ending hits and, wham, I had an attack of the feelings exactly as I should and it was just. A really easy read that I immediately got pulled into, had a joyful time reading, and then was quietly devastated all over again. Just what Star Wars fic should be. ✦ Tumbling Star Wars by esama, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon & padme, 4.9k    Various Star Wars snippets. Some crossovers.    These are two separate fics and I loved both of them dearly and would have read 100k for each of them, even as they stand well enough as snippets on their own! The first one is a time travel fic that, oh, just absolutely punched me in the feelings over Obi-Wan’s life and how much he loses post-ROTS, but also the chance he has for things to be different when he wakes up again! It’s one of those that I really would have loved more of it, but am happy with what there is, the little moments that were worked in, how much he cares deeply about Luke and Leia already, the moments he spends with Anakin and you can feel all the undercurrents there, even as they’re simple moments, the way his younger self looks at him and the determination he has that his younger self won’t have the same future as him. It might have been short, but it was a great piece for Obi-Wan! The second is an AU of ROTS, where Anakin doesn’t turn in quite the same way and so instead sneaks off at the end and the Republic is left cleaning up the mess, and this one is much more of a moment of what would be a fascinating larger AU but ahhhh it captured my imagination so well that I loved it dearly. Both are such great concepts with really neat execution that I heartily enjoyed them both. ✦ One Day More by CalaisKenobi, obi-wan & qui-gon & anakin & cast, 31.2k    Obi-Wan is given the opportunity to make some changes in his past. With the help of some old friends, and the hindrance of some old enemies, the Galaxy will be forever changed.    I am an absolute sucker for time travel fic and it’s nice to see one that’s finished and kept fairly short! Obi-Wan is so beloved by the Force (always a way to get me to click on a fic, lbr) that he gets three chances to change different days in his life and the fic isn’t really about the lengthy details of the changed timelines, but instead more about using one or two moments in those changed times to highlight how things could have done differently. It’s really a fic about how selfless a character Obi-Wan Kenobi is, how he would never sacrifice someone else for his own gain or happiness, that’s just not who he is at all, that he will always put himself in danger before anyone else. It’s a fic about how dearly he loves the people he cares about, Qui-Gon and then Anakin later (though, the first section is lighter on Obi-Wan’s love for Anakin than I would have thought) and the ways he comes up with to save them.    It’s a fic that blends a lot of elements, the time travel/chance to redo things that I love, the explanations Obi-Wan eventually gives because suddenly you have a Jedi Master in a Padawan’s body, the emotional charge of losing those he loves again (because you know it’s not going to go right until the third time around, so the second time around with Anakin was just all the feelings place ouchies for me), and the fic floating the idea that I rather largely agree with, that Anakin does bring balance to the Force, that the Jedi Order had become stagnant and the Force wanted change, however that came about. But, ultimately, it’s a fic about giving Obi-Wan a chance at happiness without sacrificing the things Obi-Wan will always do, that saving the galaxy doesn’t have to be about those rare bigger moments, but instead it’s about the everyday joy and love for life that pulls the galaxy towards something better. And all of that was just exactly right for me, centered around Obi-Wan’s character as it was, it’s everything I want from this fandom. ✦ Conversations at the Intersections of Time by Sentimental Star, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon, 5.2k wip    What happens when a thirteen-year-old Anakin Skywalker and his twenty-nine-year-old Master get snatched back in time, only to come face to face with a fifteen-year-old Obi-Wan…and a very much alive Qui-Gon Jinn?    I am entirely a sucker for time travel fics, especially ones that are about both Obi-Wan getting to see Qui-Gon again and about Anakin seeing a young Padawan Obi-Wan. The fic does drop you into the middle of things (which I’m fine with, all the sooner to get to the good stuff!) and has an epithet problem, but it has young Obi-Wan and young Anakin bonding together and talking about the adults and even if this is just two chapters (so it’s more like a snippet out of a larger story, if you want to view it that way) I had fun with it and am very glad I read it. I will always read adorable Padawans trying to figure stuff out, especially when Anakin starts to understand Obi-Wan better because of it. ✦ Tumbling Star Wars by esama, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon, 11.2k    Various Star Wars snippets. Some crossovers.    I believe I’ve recommended these fics before, but on the author’s tumblr, rather than AO3, so here, have a fresh rec now that they’re up here as well, because, oh my god, these were so great. The first one is a time travel AU that I loved, the second one is a divergent timeline that I also loved, both totally worth reading! But, oh. Chapter 3 is Basilisk!Obi-Wan, where he is a giant snake instead of a Human and it’s amazing. It’s told in snippets across the span of his life, from how he first came to the Jedi Temple to his time as an Initiate to his time as a Padawan and to his time as Anakin’s Master and during the Clone Wars. There are so many incredible little moments, so many hilarious moments, so many geneuinely touching moments, so many moments of struggle and overcoming them, so many moments of just Obi-Wan being awesome, all of it is something I never knew I needed as badly as I did. I honestly just have the biggest grin on my face every time I reread even little snippets of this one, it’s so delightful. ✦ The Dark Path Lit by Sun and Stars by A_Delicate_Fury, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & luke & leia & cody & cast, time travel, 4.3k wip    After a disaster on the cosmic scale that Obi-Wan is still trying to wrap his mind around, he finds himself back in the early days of the Clone Wars, Commander Cody loyally at his side, Anakin at his back, and Sidious plotting against the Jedi at every turn. He’s been given an unasked for chance to do everything over again. And with the Force as his ally, he intends to set the galaxy on a brighter path than its current trajectory.    Chapter 1: I’ve been reading the snippets the author has been posting on tumblr and enjoying those greatly, but it’s lovely to have the first proper chapter here! And, oh, it’s one of my favorite tropes and centered around one of my favorite characters and I’m so looking forward to where this goes and how things play out, because I greatly enjoyed the way Obi-Wan found himself back in the days of the Clone Wars, that he’s both Old Ben and General Kenobi at the same time, that there’s this messy, complicated, knotted up feeling to the character in a way that’s fascinating to read about. That the Force is screaming at him to go do something, but nothing is really quite clear yet, there’s so much history and weight that’s happened, that Obi-Wan has to process gaining back everything that he’d lost without letting on that he’d lost it all, that those years of exile still were there with him, oh, I felt so much for the character in those moments. At the same time, though, OH MAN I CANNOT WAIT FOR MORE, especially to see Anakin show up because that is going to come with a whole lot of thorny feelings that will be delicious. But also Luke and Leia again!!!! I am excite!    Chapter 2: This is an update rec that will focus on the current chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. This chapter is a little slower than the previous one, it’s all about Luke, Leia, and Han trying to figure out how to get along when they’re stranded on Jakku in their younger bodies, but will read very well when the fic gets longer, as it does a lot of set-up and little bits of details about what’s going on with all of them. It’s almost sort of domestic, as Luke works on machines, Han scrounges for whatever work he can, and Leia is feeling sick and trying to struggle through it. There’s definitely a sense of Imending Things swaying above all their heads, as well as Luke definitely feels the Force tugging on him, and I spent a lot of the chapter just itching for things to happen, the exact reaction I was supposed to have, but also there’s some really cute stuff along the way! Luke and Leia being adorable sunburnt moppets! Han being the galaxy’s oldest teenager! Some really adorable trio interaction, with protective!Han and cranky!Leia and Luke trying his best but the pressure gets to him, too! A lovely chapter and I’m eagerly awaiting more. ✦ The Reality of Change by midnight_vision, obi-wan/anakin/padme & ahsoka & cast, time travel, 66k wip    Padmé dies on Mustafar and wakes up in the past, about a year before everything falls apart. She’s determined to make sure none of it happens again, and with some help, she tries to expose Palpatine for what he really is. But even if Anakin and the Republic can be saved, that doesn’t mean the outcome will be something any of them want.    I could have sworn I’d done a rec for this fic before, but I cannot find it anywhere in my files, so I’m going to assume I haven’t actually and do one fresh. I am always here for Obianidala fic and I’m always here for time travel fic, so I picked this one up and tore through pretty much all of it over the course of a few days! I do have a couple of caveats about it, the biggest being that the Jedi are used as antagonists, even against established canon (like, they’ve specifically said they don’t keep people against their will, that they wouldn’t force Anakin to stay), which can be jarring sometimes, so you gotta roll with the premise of them being villains, but when the fic is all about the domestic trio learning to figure out their relationship, the fic is at its strongest and it’s just really heart-warming and delightful. It’s a long fic, so it’s a bit of a slow burn, not in that there’s lack of resolution, but in that there’s no hurry to get there before everyone is ready, instead it’s a much more natural pace that I really enjoyed.    I love that it’s a Padme time travel fic as well, because I very rarely see one about her, especially because she doesn’t know everything that happened and it gives her a chance to work through what happened between her and Anakin on Mustafar, that she has to work through all that fear and mistrust, because this Anakin hasn’t done those things, but she has to process that they did happen, that it could have happened, and that’s something that takes quite awhile to get over. There’s also some lovely Padme & Ahsoka friendship scenes, there’s a whole lot of Padme telling people what she knows, there’s a lot of Anakin having to deal with feeling kept out of the loop, that he’s still got anger issues and isn’t emotionally stable, but Obi-Wan and Padme have better tools this time around, there’s a good amount of Obi-Wan/Anakin relationship building, and there’s a lot of satisfying fixing of the timeline, including killing Palpatine plot!    The fic is at its best when it’s about the breathing room the Obi-Wan/Anakin/Padme trio has or when they’re interacting with Ahsoka, when the story is going towards fixing things, that’s when my heart is happiest and I just really had a lot of fun reading this, especially since it was lengthy and I loved being able to tear into it and read read read for so many pages! ✦ From a Certain Point of View pt 1 / pt 2 / pt 3 / pt 4, obi-wan & anakin & padme & ahsoka & sidious & cast, 7.5k    Or, how Ben Kenobi’s boldfaced lie prevarication saved the Galaxy (but not in the way he thought it would).    This is a series of headcanon/bullet points plot elements series of posts about an AU where Luke time travels and only manages to convey half a message to his father, which winds up saving the galaxy, but not it the way you’d expect. And while I would have enjoyed a full fic of it, I found that I greatly enjoyed it as it was, it conveys the story really well and it lets the pace stay fun and upbeat, it gets to put in a lot of humor and cover what would be a long, complicated storyline. It’s very much about Everything Going Just Right (or going Just Right in a way that may not appear Just Right to the characters but ultimately is), it’s all about moving everything towards the better and fixing things, so nothing really goes wrong, and it’s satisfying for that, because sometimes I just really want all the grim heartbreak tossed out the window and for everyone to be happy and live good lives! This was a delight to read and there’s still an epilogue to go, but it was fairly lengthy for an outline and was just charming as all get out! (Also, it’s hilarious when Anakin gets all paranoid and follows Obi-Wan around like a hyper vigilant cat ready to pounce on anything that so much as twitches wrong. MY PRECIOUS DUMPSTER FIRE TURNED TOWARDS THE GOOD. ♥) ✦ Tumblr Ramblings (Obi-Wan Time Travel/AU-jump) by gaealynn, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon & cast,    At the end of RotJ, Obi-Wan reaches out a hand to help Anakin cross over and instead – wakes up on Naboo.    I am always willing to pick up a time travel fic, especially if it’s Obi-Wan time travelling, so I enjoyed this half-fic, half-scenario piece just for those things! And I love that this is an Obi-Wan who has suffered through so many terrible losses, the weight of that isn’t gone, but he’s still that guy who keeps getting up again, who doesn’t know how to surrender when something like this is put in front of him. And, oh, there’s a scene in the second chapter where he meets bb!Anakin again, where he knows there will be hope now, and there’s cuddling and, oh, it’s Anakin and just. I had feelings all over the place during that scene alone! ✦ The Fires by Driverpicksthemooseic (Ratkinzluver33), obi-wan/anakin & hinted obi-wan/anakin/padme, 4.2k    He wakes quickly and without thought, breaking through the barrier of unconsciousness to find himself face down on the floor of a starfighter. (OR, Groundhog Day. ROTS, Battle of Mustafar, Full-On Groundhog Day. Yes, I am a masochist, thank you for asking.)    I’m a sucker for time loop fics, so of course I was going to read this one and I love the concept of it, I love the idea of Obi-Wan living that day on Mustafar over and over, trying to figure out what he needs to do to actually change things. The fic really hits its stride for me in the second half, when Obi-Wan asks quieter questions, when things are a bit more understated, where Obi-Wan has more of that ‘still waters run deep’ feeling to him. It’s a fic that shows just how badly things have been wounded between them, that hope for them is still so small and difficult to find, but it is still there. And the use of the Mortis Arc and the ending of this, I just had a lot of feelings about them! I love time shenanigans fics and this one was a nicely satisfying one to add to the collection. ♥ ✦ Where Have We Come? by soaring_heart, obi-wan & anakin, 1.9k    The first time was one of the hardest and the easiest. Obi-Wan loses at Mustafar, but instead of dying he wakes up at the dawn of the last day of the republic, doomed to repeat the worst day of his life, over and over again.    I’ll warn ahead of time that this fic isn’t about resolution, but instead about the repetition of Obi-Wan caught in a time loop, trying to figure out how to stop it, how to solve things, and how to save Anakin. It’s a fic that really is about those two at the heart of it, that Obi-Wan has to live this day over and over, that he tries so many things to save Anakin, to understand him, to help him, to just steal him away, to die with him, to be caught up with him. It’s a bittersweet, ouchy fic, it never stops hurting, how deeply Obi-Wan loves him and how many tragic turns their lives take in these moments, how many different ways things can go wrong or just not quite right. And that’s what really works for me here, even if it’s not really solved, the foundation is there, the love between them is there, the sheer amount of how important Anakin is in Obi-Wan’s life and vice versa is there. ✦ All Over Again by tricksterity, obi-wan/anakin & qui-gon & shmi & cast, time travel, 27.7k wip    Obi-Wan Kenobi is sixteen years old when he collapses in the training salle to the shock of his master, Qui-Gon Jinn. When he wakes up two days later after multiple seizures and flatlining once, he remembers the Clone Wars, remembers Mustafar, remembers being cut in half by the man he loved more than anything in the universe, and he remembers Luke and Leia.    Oh, this is another fic that I am already just completely g o n e on, where I don’t really know if Obi-Wan traveled back in time or if he really just lived through something that’s not quite a vision of the future, but it doesn’t really matter because he’s got a second chance at this and the fic is doing a really lovely job of showing the weight of what he’s been through, just how much of a toll it’s taken on him and that the cost of it isn’t light at all, but that there’s hope for the future, that things are getting better again, that it’s an uphill battle but one that’s worth climbing again. While it’s painful for me to only have two chapters (at the time of this rec), I already appreciate the pacing, I love that there’s already some great stuff here, despite that Anakin hasn’t even made an appearance yet. Obi-Wan is dealing with the sheer shock of being back here again, the almost father-like relationship he has with Qui-Gon is meaningful, especially when you realize that so much of their time together hasn’t happened yet, Obi-Wan is only sixteen here, but there’s a trust and affection already there. And that Qui-Gon’s going to miss out on those years is actually really sad, especially when this Obi-Wan is so damaged in his soul, but there’s also something just… really hopeful about where all of this is going, what can be saved, that I am ALL FOR.    The fic is pleasing on an iddy level (Jedi Master level Obi-Wan in a 16 year old’s body again! time travel fic is my favorite!) but also genuinely well written, the pacing is great in that it doesn’t skip over the reactions that need room to breathe before the full plot kicks in, it’s interesting to watch Obi-Wan walk through the Temple again, to watch him talk to Qui-Gon about what’s happened to him, to watch him talk to the Council about what he can/can’t say and the fic makes sure to put those down, making it stronger in the end. Despite that I just want him to hop on a starship and fly out to Tatooine and pick up that little brat already! But the mentions of Anakin, how he’s never too far from Obi-Wan’s thoughts, the way he’s such a central point in all of this even before he’s appeared, it’s all really, really well-written and so very good for me already.    Chapter 3: I tried to wait before doing another rec, but I’m already invested and I don’t think I could wait a week until the next one. This chapter is more of Obi-Wan settling back into his life, while everyone around him adjusts to how much he’s changed, how he’s a Jedi Master in his sixteen year old body, that he was a High Council member, and that he’s going to go pick up a Force-sensitive child in the Outer Rim and he’s definitely not asking. It’s just so exciting and satisfying, especially because it’s building up to the reunion between Obi-Wan and Anakin, I love it because I briefly felt saddened for Qui-Gon, who is going to lose out on those years with Obi-Wan, but then he’s just quietly happy about the new defiance in the face of the Council that Obi-Wan has, and I love Obi-Wan thinking about Anakin, what he can do this time around, and there’s so much hope for the future and it just makes me all the happier to read this fic, it’s already given me a lot of satisfying things and it hasn’t even gotten to the reunion proper yet!    Chapter 4: I am still so hooked on this fic, you don’t even know. It’s so many of the tropes I love–Obi-Wan time travel tropes, especially!–done in ways that are both genuinely delightful and sparkling, but also entirely satisfying to my id. It’s one of those fics where I was a little wary about the build-up to the Obi-Wan/Anakin reunion, because it’s such a central part of the story, but once I got there it’s probably been the most satisfying one I’ve read yet, all the more so for how I had this moment of absolute joy at how much it echoed my own thoughts/feelings/wants about how such a reunion would go! It’s one of those that I respect on a technical level and how I just absolutely reveled in Obi-Wan hugging the crap out of this person he so loves, the way they were so wrapped up in each other in that reunion, the way the rest of the world practically fell away, the way I could feel how these two meant everything to each other in those moments. The way that there is such emotion there and it’s so openly displayed in a way that worked for me, even with Obi-Wan, because of how it took awhile to build up to this, how it was a reunion that had such depth of feeling that I could feel on both sides, from both of them, and because of how Obi-Wan has a chance to fix all of it, of course he’s going to go full-tilt, because this is Anakin. It was so goddamned good for me and I was practically floating away after reading that chapter and I am super, super excited about the rest of the fic. Because I enjoyed the build-up to the reunion, with Obi-Wan as a Jedi Master in his sixteen year old self, enjoyed the sense of how he was going to fix everything he could, how his relationship with Qui-Gon was so meaningful and healing, but, oh, man, that reunion was where it was at for me, because, oh, for Obi-Wan it’s always Anakin.    Chapter 5: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. The previous chapter to this one was all about the reunion of Obi-Wan and Anakin, so the pitfall to avoid was feeling like a drop in the excitement after that, but this fic avoided that trap neatly by having Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon meet Shmi and having Anakin practically clinging to Obi-Wan like a limpet in a way that was absolutely perfect, the little touches, the way they can have a conversation about what all of this means, the way the words are largely calm and considered, but there’s this undercurrent of just how intensely these two love each other, the way Anakin has no restraint on wanting to physically touch the person who means so much to him, the way Obi-Wan returns those touches in a more understated but just as deeply true way, all of it is so satisfying and exactly why I keep reading time travel AU fic.    Not that it’s all sweetness and light, there are still heavier things in the undercurrents, because what they went through meant something, there are still lingering effects and even moments where they come roaring back for awhile. The overall tone is one that’s going towards mending these things, but it’s all the more satisfying that they’re still there, that the story has weight, that it gives further context to the times where Anakin throws his arms around Obi-Wan’s neck or firmly situates himself in Obi-Wan’s lap and refuses to move or when Obi-Wan kisses the crown of Anakin’s head or stays by his bedside when Anakin needs him. I practically just wrapped myself up in this chapter and let out a satisfied sigh when I finished reading it, it’s everything these tropes/genre of fic should be.    Chapter 6: This is an update rec, so it will focus on the current chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. This was another chapter that was just good for my soul, where the group gets back to Coruscant and Anakin sees the Jedi Temple again for the first time, where it’s all about the connection between him and Obi-Wan, where it’s so much stronger this time around after everything they’ve been through and this chance at a fresh start, to do everything better this time. So there’s lots of little touches, lots of little kisses to the tops of heads or hugs or gentle brushes of a hand on the back of Anakin’s neck, little things that aren’t about anything more than comfort and intimacy. While all the bad stuff that happened isn’t forgotten, it’s still there under the surface and pops up in nightmares and lingering thoughts, this is a chapter that’s all about introducing Anakin to the Jedi in happier, more reassured circumstances, so his anger and fear are so much lessened, that he’s a much happier person this time around.    There’s also so much adorable here, with Anakin’s half-memories, that sometimes they’re just impressions, enough that he vaguely remembers them without the same baggage that came before, and that further contributes to the sense of warm and hope here. Yet again, this is one of those fics where I’m practically champing at the bit to get the next chapter and read it as soon as it’s posted, because I am just so delighted by and warmed by all of it, that it doesn’t have to be 100% fluffy to make me feel good and hopeful about their futures again. ✦ Soldier, Poet, King by Glare, obi-wan/anakin & qui-gon & mace & dooku & palpatine & cast, sith!obi-wan, NSFW, 95.4k wip    Second chances are very rarely given, but the Force smiles upon two of its favorite children and returns them to a time before their actions have met their consequences. Anakin Skywalker, also known as Darth Vader, seeks redemption while Obi-Wan “Ben” Kenobi, disillusioned with the Jedi Order and its Code, falls to the Darkness.    Rec #1: I very badly just want to vomit my feelings up everywhever for this fic because I love it more and more with every chapter that’s put out, it’s just so interesting and is doing so many things I love! Time travel fuckery with Obi-Wan and Anakin! Sith!Anakin traveling back to the past, his motives not entirely clear just yet, but he’s got something in mind and he’s adorable and charming and sort of clear-headed again, sort of not, but his interaction with Padawan!Obi-Wan is delightful! And then Sith!Ben hiding in the shadows and watching over all of this, you know he’s going to start some shit eventually and when he does, it’s not long (not so far, not with only 4 chapters as of the time of this rec) but it’s so satisfying, even just seeing Anakin’s reaction from Padawan!Obi-Wan’s eyes! Who is totally confused about what the hell is going on here. And it’s just. It’s this glorious tangle of various versions of these characters all in the same timeline and both the building up towards reveals and the beginnings of the reveals starting to happen and my satisfaction at yet another Sith!Obi-Wan fic that works for me and finally a time traveling Anakin fic that works for me and just–! I’m having a little trouble writing a coherent rec for this one.    Because I delight in just what this author is doing, the way Sith!Ben is dangerous and powerful and has unleashed himself, the way Anakin feels a bit more settled but still is a little out of his mind, the way I love everyone here and the writing is so charming and the plot has absolutely caught my attention, I want to know what’s going on with the Sith holocron, I want to know what’s going to happen with Anakin, I want to know what Sith!Ben’s plans are, I loved the scene where he (sort of) showed himself and proceeded to knock Anakin on his ass (physically and emotionally! my favorite thing!! I love when smug Anakin gets knocked back down, so good for me, especially when it’s done with such care, in its own way), I love how well he knows certain things about Anakin, I love the mentions of the bond being back in place between them, and just. So many things. I am completely useless at writing a rec here because I’m just having way too much fun with it.    Rec #2: I cannot tell you how in love with this fic I am, how much I love what it’s doing on both a plot level and an id-pleasing level. The fic first got me with these little moments of Ben (older Sith!Obi-Wan) and the way he would crowd into Anakin’s space, the way he would touch Anakin, the way he would run a hand down Anakin’s back or shove him up against the wall when he was getting out of control, there was this quiet but powerful intimacy between them, both dangerous and something very genuine there. It’s so incredibly good, the way Anakin curls up against Ben’s side or wriggles onto his lap, the way he so very much wants affection from his once-again-Master, the way Ben knows this after all they’ve been through together and the lives they’ve lived and this second chance, the way he absolutely is manipulative and much more iron-handed than he was before, but some part of Anakin feeds on that. It’s so well written and there’s such charm and sparkle to the writing, it’s that sweet spot between just exactly what my id wants and the more rational part of me that is impressed with the world-building and plotting and character motivations, that I legitimately respect the fic. It’s such a great example of what Obi-Wan would be like if freed from the restraints he puts on himself as a Jedi–he has power, sure, but it’s also such intelligence and insight, such lethality and being predatory in all the right moments, the way you really, really understand how Obi-Wan is dangerous when he puts all of his skills to less noble purposes.    And the plot is good, it’s a great cast of different versions of the characters, the older versions having been dumped back in time and are running around to fix things in their own way, including a time out to go free the slaves on Tatooine and, of course, have more run-ins with the Jedi. I love that there are light saber battles, I love that they’re not just idling around, they’re doing stuff, moving the pieces around from the shadows, in addition to their complicated relationship developing further. I am H O O K E D on this fic and it’s honestly one of the most satisfying I’ve read in the fandom yet, it’s one of those that I pretty much drop everything else to go read when there’s a new chapter, it’s one that I’m torn between tripping over myself to read everything as fast as I can because I want more and forcing myself to go slower becaus I want to savor it, it’s one of those that I never want to end, but also I want all of it to be able to read everything right now. I’ve enjoyed everything I’ve read from this author but, oh, this one is special.    Chapter –>21: I’ve written a couple of recs for this fic as a whole before, but I forget which chapter I left off on, so this rec will focus on the later chapters (up to 21, which is the most recent at the time of this rec). This fic continues to be one of my absolute favorites in the fandom, it’s combining two of my favorite tropes–time travel! Sith!Obi-Wan!–and writing something really long and satisfying out of it. I admit, I wish I had all of the fic at my fingertips to read, it’s one where I think it benefits from having a bunch to read at once (which is why it’s a good time to jump in now, because there’s been a really good amount of events happening + lots of the fun stuff has happened/there’s been at least some resolution on the Obi-Wan/Anakin front), but at the same time I absolutely am enjoying the regular updates and being able to read each chapter as it comes out, it makes for a very satisfying, lengthy experience with the fic! Especially when there’s plot stuff I’m so curious to see how it’s going while the character stuff isn’t totally settled (not by a long shot!) but has enough resolution that I’m not frustrated. That can be a difficult balance to achieve, to keep a reader invested without feeling like nothing’s going anywhere–but this fic finds that line for me, that Obi-Wan and Anakin do finally cross over the line they’ve been edging towards, they do finally bang and step over into having an actual relationship, but all the shenanigans with Padawan!Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon and the timeline that they’re fucking around with are still up in the air.    There was a chapter where Qui-Gon met Ben through the Force in their mindscape, where the fic does this delicious job of getting teasingly close to the “current” day characters figuring out just who these two Sith Lords are, while at the same time, Anakin is just a total clingy mess that shows up in the form of a goddamned huge dragon and I was just. Oh, man, that was kind of amazing for me, because it’s the perfect thing for Anakin–all this tremendous power and presence and, at the same time, like he’s metaphorically tugging on Obi-Wan’s robe and curling up against his side because he’s a needy brat. And then! Masquerade ball! Which is such a lovely metaphor for the characters’ way of hiding–that it’s obvious who they are, if you really look. The reader can feel how close Qui-Gon and Padawan!Obi-Wan are to putting two and two together (or, really, being willing to put two and two together because it’s a hard thing to accept), while still understanding how they could keep from seeing the truth at this point.    I’m just really invested in this fic and it’s so pleasing to my iddy wants while also being genuinely well-written and has great writing/pacing and I just really want to shove it at everyone to make them read it and revel in how satisfying the whole thing is!    Chapters 22-23: This is an update rec and will focus on these chapters rather than the fic as a whole. I should probably try to wait until there’s at least three or four chapters to the fic when I write an update rec, but I’m weak and I love this fic so much. Especially when shit is really starting to hit the fan now, when things are coming to something of a head, where the identities of these two new Sith Lords will be revealed and, in fact, more than one person has put it together already. The scenes where we finally get to see some reactions are worth the wait, even as my heart quailed a bit because, no, I just want everyone to be happy! But I really loved the use of Dooku in chapter 22 and I loved the entire masquerade on Alderaan and I really love how eager I am for every new chapter, that I’m just as invested in the plot shenanigans as I am with the Obikin shenanigans. The author really has mastered the sense of how these characters can be so interesting and charming when unmoored from their morals for various reasons, how these can be darker versions of the characters, but so charismatic and charming, even with all their sharp edges.    And, oh, chapter 23 was so good for me, I love how much anger there is in Ben and how there’s a really great line: “No,” Ben says with a bitter chuckle. “Obi-Wan Kenobi died with his padawan twenty years ago. I’m… what remained, I suppose.” and how it hurts just as much as Owen’s line about how Obi-Wan Kenobi died around the same time Luke’s father did, without feeling like being a retread. And Mace Windu was fantastic in this chapter, I love that he felt very much like a Jedi here, I recognized this character from the canon, and I love that he’s not necessarily on Ben’s side, but that he’s calmly trying to understand what’s going on here. All of this is just sucking me in and it’s so alluring and promising and every chapter makes me want the next one (is Anakin okay?? Ben’s absolute refusal to even consider the idea that he’d be dead got me in the feelings place! and the reveal was so satisfying! but now I want the Ben/Anakin reunion–!!) in exactly the way a good fic should.    Chapters 24-25: This is an update rec, so it will focus on these chapters, rather than the fic as a whole. There will also likely be some spoilers for the fic by this point. I’m definitely still really in love with this fic and I think what really got me with these two chapters is that I was just so thrilled to see a Mace Windu that I recognized! He doesn’t have to be perfect, but he’s trying, he genuinely wants to understand, and that may not let him trust Ben any more than anyone else, but he’s a Jedi and he’s genuinely trying to do what’s best and is trying to look out for young Obi-Wan Kenobi. Qui-Gon provides more of the emotional drama here, reacting very badly (so that Master Tholme can read him the riot act about it) and I can’t say I mind too much because, yeah, sometimes I’m kind of grumpy about Qui-Gon’s actions. Ultimately, I think he’s still meant to be a good person, just that he gets blinded by his emotions and that tends to fuck over the people around him, so I can’t say I minded him getting yelled at for awhile.    Though, honestly, chapter 25 was my favorite of the two, because I love love love the imagery of Ben/Anakin’s shared mental space, the overlap between the two of them and what it says about what haunts each of them, as well as the super satisfying sense of, yes, reveal time! Mace getting a bit more context, actually seeing what made Ben and Anakin into the people they are, being metaphorically knocked on his ass from it, yesss, that’s what I read Secret Identities fic for! And I love that it was with Mace, I love that I felt for him, even as my heart was with the other two assholes who are entirely wrapped up in each other, like, yes, this is catnip for me, bless.    Chapter 26-28: This is an update rec and so will focus on these chapters rather than the fic as a whole. This also means there will be spoilers by this point–more generalized recs can be found on previous rec lists! These three chapters are largely about the time that Ben and Anakin spend apart after events force them to separate, where Ben has been dealing with being caught by the Jedi, and Anakin is… well, Anakin about his missing Master and how badly he needs him to come back. It’s satisfying on a plotful level, because things continue to move and happen, events occur and so I enjoy this on a respecting-the-writing kind of level, but also. Oh, man, Anakin being a disaster without his Master, that there’s still the lingering threat of that he would do terrible things to keep from losing anyone (and why wouldn’t he? it’s not like that much has really changed on an emotional level for him since the end of his life last time), that it’s not just a vague and distant threat, but a very present and real one, while also Anakin is just a disaster, he’s a walking bottomless pit of need because Obi-Wan Kenobi isn’t there to sit him back down and keep him together. It’s so good for my id!    But it’s also that there’s a flashback scene and a moment of reveal, where Anakin’s memories are used to have a dramatic confrontation about just who he and Ben really are and I ate it up because, look, if you’re going to have identity porn in your fic, you need to have satisfying reveal scenes and I thoroughly enjoyed the method of how this one came about! I get adorable flashbacks and satisfying reveals! BUT ALSO. Oh, man, Ben has his own reveal-slash-confrontation to handle, that simmering anger under the surface that makes perfect sense with this person he’s dealing with, what this person did to Anakin, the one he loves more than anything, yet also the utter trust and assurance Ben has when it comes to knowing Anakin is his. The Soft Sith dynamic is like goddamned catnip to me, especially when so well written and with such charm and that certain quality that keeps me engaged in every chapter like you wouldn’t believe. Chapter 28 was really, really good for me and I loved it because it was so great at showing (instead of telling!) that Ben was choosing to be confrontational and crude in a deliberate way, because Obi-Wan would, he knows how to direct interactions like that and everything that it said about him was great. It’s just. So goddamned good, satisfying, and charming, I cannot even convey it with words.    Chapter 29: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. This is a chapter that has a lot of satisfying things happening in it and why I’m okay with reading it as a wip, because not everything is resolved, but things happen and there’s some resolution for some of the things, just enough to keep the right pace for the story. By which I mean, Ben and Anakin finally meet again and it’s super fun, as well as we get more aftermath of a big reveal (big reveals are fun, but they’re at their most satisfying when you get to spend some time with the reactions and aftermath of them, as we do with Ben and the people who know about him now!), as well as… there’s a line that Ben says in this chapter that really stuck out for me:“The last time Anakin was given the liberty of choice, he walked himself into Sidious’ arms and razed the Jedi Temple to the ground. He understands that it is in everyone’s best interest that look to me for guidance.”    I love this line because it’s such a good bit of context for Ben and Anakin’s relationship, the way it’s both unhealthy and the best choice for them, that they’re co-dependent in a way that makes Anakin especially more stable and it’s what Ben wants, they fit together like this, and it’s just really, really id-pleasing. These characters, especially these versions, are better off when they’re in this dynamic, when Anakin turns to Obi-Wan for guidance (as Anakin has always wanted an ultimate leader to follow), but also just: yes, thank you, that pleases me. *__* This chapter also has some deeply satisfying reunion moments, especially right in front of the Jedi High Council, like it’s fun and used to show exactly where these characters are at in their lives, what they do/don’t care about and, of course, a bomb dropped at the end that makes me practically champ at the bit for the next chapter, exactly as it should.    Chapter 30: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter rather than the fic as a whole. Should I have waited until there was another chapter for an update rec? Ehh, probably. But I also don’t care. Because it’s a bit of a breather chapter after the previous one, it’s dealing with the aftermath of events that happened recently and it’s really satisfying–for both versions of the characters. Stepping carefully around spoilers, what happens with Padawan!Obi-Wan left me all excited and bouncing because I’d wondered and I loved the conversation with Plo Koon and how this chapter left off with this Obi-Wan, what it could mean for his future, because oh man yes do want! But also the future version of Ben and the downtime he has with Anakin, how it’s nice to have a chapter where they spend time together without any other pressing concerns in the very immediate future, as well as some really lovely, delicious shower sex.    Where it’s just the two of them and Anakin whining for more so Ben opens him slowly and carefully before sliding into Anakin, who needs this, you feel how much he needs that connection again, rather than the fic telling you about it. That Ben has a moment of actually allowing himself something nice, to be pressed inside this person he loves so much, to have Anakin back after everything they’ve both been through, how it leads up to telling Anakin he loves him, because it’s one thing for us all to know it, but to read the words is so satisfying, right along with the lovely sex, that Anakin is safe in his arms again, trusts him again, listens to him again, wants more of him again. That they’ve found this balance, right exactly like this, and it just really made me happy in my soul for all the characters.

[uchihahotline]

Thank You & Update (Long Post)

Hello!

This is Rose. It’s been a very long time since I’ve been able to talk to you guys on tumblr. Kevin has been checking the account from time to time, but I wanted to drop in because I missed being here (btw, I hadn’t read his posts until recently so I know his grammar is...not the best hahaha but he told me he had to type the first message himself so that you ‘could tell it was him typing and know he was there’ :’) ). I’m not sure how tumblr works anymore, and I don’t know if people still do posts like this, but oh well because there’s some stuff I wanted to say to those of you who have been following us since last year or before:

1. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I know that we’ve said this countless times when we were active on here, but now that we’ve been away for almost a year it just made us realize how much of an impact all of you made on us. You made us so, so happy and we’re still incredibly humbled that you guys even liked our work or noticed us when we started the blog. Not being able to interact as much with you has been lonely, but it was a break we definitely needed to fix a lot of problems inside and outside of cosplay. Even though they used to tire us out, when we reflect on doing asks they were some of the funnest times we’ve had and we’d be nowhere without all of you, especially those who stuck around even when we left, and those who continued to follow our journey on other social media. I want to say thank you to anyone new reading this as well!! I hope you will continue to be a part of our little family. 

2. Things are different.

If you’ve been following us for only a short time, or on other social media, you can skip this part! I know a lot of people say “I’ve changed” and don’t mean it. Heck, if you don’t like us you probably won’t believe I mean it either (though idk why you’d be reading this anyway). But when we first started this blog, we were pretty new to social media on a public level. We didn’t think we’d ever gain a following. I didn’t know how people were supposed to react to hate or threats or “antis” and it’s taken a long time to learn what to respond to and what to block out. I’m not sorry for standing up for myself against the more intense threats or talking about my mental health, especially because the latter is what helped a lot of great people open up to me, but I wish I started out with the same mentality I have now so that I wouldn’t have been so afraid. 

If that were the case, we would’ve never been driven off here by hate and the blog would’ve kept rolling, but there’s no point in thinking about the what ifs. All I can do is apologize for the times I was irrational and move forward from it. It may not seem like it’s been that long, but I can’t even read some of my old posts because it feels like when you find an old account from middle school where you’re just so angry at everything. People can actually change, and most do sooner or later. Maybe not completely, but that doesn’t mean they couldn’t have grown from their experiences. When you’re faced with bigger challenges, trivial things just start to matter less and less and you don’t have room for them.

I never want people to forget that I’m a real person and not a robot who smiles all day, but at the same time I’ve grown a lot and less things bother me. Kevin has opened up a lot more and our relationship is very productive. Some people still talk about our break and well, I don’t know if they’ve realized, but that break was almost 1 year ago. If someone can’t move on from what happened in our relationship when we have, that’s not our problem anymore. There’s no need to worry about us and if something does happen again, it’s just between us two, and we’re so thankful to you guys who have supported us through and through.

Also, you probably know this if you’re reading this far, but we started out VERY defensive about SasuSaku. We still love the ship unconditionally, but it took us years of cosplaying them to realize that no matter what, there will always be people who hate them or hate us for cosplaying them. You can’t convince everyone to like you or the things you like and that’s okay, because that’s not your job and you shouldn’t stress yourself out trying to make it yours. We’ve both learned to let little things like arguments over fictional characters go because well, let’s face it, Kevin and I are getting older and there are just bigger things to worry about in the world.

3. We’re still here, we’re still creating content, and you can talk to us.

We never quit cosplay, still do SasuSaku, and still do lots of shoots and videos (we just haven’t caught up to posting them here)! We’re actually even more active in cosplay and are working on a couple SS vids including a new CMV. If you want to talk about things and don’t have instagram or twitter, you can email us, or if you like snail mail our PO Box is open. I miss you all very much and I miss this blog. Maybe one day when things are more settled we can do asks again if that’s still a thing. I’d really like to reconnect with you if that’s something you wanna do!! I’m also starting up being a pen pal again if you like letters!

Tl;dr:

We love you and we miss you, a bunch of stuff happened but it helped us grow, we have moved on. We didn’t quit, we’re working on a bunch of SS stuff, & please talk to us anytime.

If you read this massive essay bless your heart and I hope you’re having a wonderful day/night! ‘Til next time. <3

[hydrus]

Version 242

windows

zip

exe

os x

app

tar.gz

linux

tar.gz

source

tar.gz

I had a great week, getting a lot done. I've fixed a bunch of bugs and the new dupe stuff now shows something interesting.

This is a big release. tl;dr is that I am firing on all cylinders but sankaku downloading is broken for now. On v245, the hydrus network protocol will update, so check back in around then if you try to upload some tags and get an error.

you can now see some duplicates

I've polished all the duplicate code. Maintenance and searches run smarter and faster and you can control what gets run in idle time (including finding potential duplicate pairs) using the cog icon on the duplicates page.

You can also finally see some duplicates! I've added a prototype 'show some pairs' button that'll show you a random group of pairs just as simple thumbnails. I would like to eventually have a more contextual presentation for the future filter, but do check this out--I think it is pretty neat seeing the different kinds of dupes there are.

The only real job left for duplicates is to make the ui workflow to quickly process them. I would continue to appreciate your feedback now and as it rolls out. You will probably be telling the client 'file A is (no different to|better than|an alternate of) file B' and telling it to merge tags and ratings and optionally deleting bad files.

The feedback from last week was very helpful. Most users are seeing lots of duplicate pairs--typically, the raw number found is about 5-20% of total files (For my 290k client, I have something like 28k 'exact match' duplicate pairs). I dreaded this at first, thinking this would mean a huge workload, but as I thought about it more, I realised this number is inflated--if two files look similar, they make one pair, but if three look similar, there are three pairs discovered, and four make six, five ten, and so on. If you have ten or twenty files that all look the same, this will inflate the 'potential duplicates' number significantly. My workflow will use a bit of logic to collapse these redundant pairs (if you say A is better than B and B is better than C, it can infer that A is better than C).

Anyway, the duplicate stuff is going great, is the main point. It is almost at 1.0.

some downloader issues

The sankaku downloader exploded this week. Several users reported that it gives 503 errors. I looked into it, and I think the problem is due to cloudflare. Either sankaku have chosen to increase their protection level or some anti-DDoS system is kicking in automatically, but the upshot is that hydrus isn't being polite and browser-like enough about its requests so cloudflare is blocking it. Several other script-based downloaders have apparently been similarly affected.

I have paused all sankaku subscriptions and removed the sankaku downloader for new users for now. If the problem magically fixes itself, then we can go back, but I suspect the ultimate solution here is to wait for the downloader overhaul, which I will be working on after this dupe stuff, which will make hydrus act much more like a nice browser and respond more professionally to various server requests and error states.

In a not-dissimilar vein, I have removed the danbooru entry for new users and removed the hentai foundry unnamespaced tag parser. Danbooru has been giving sample sized files for a while, and the artist-created hentai foundry unnamespaced tags are frequently complete garbage. Both issues will be more tacklable under the new downloader engine, so please hang in there until then.

bandwidth limits and network upgrade

My PTR server is probably going to hit 256GB bandwidth (my limit on how much I can give it) for the month in the next couple of days. This is a nice problem, as it means it is doing a lot and lots of people are syncing with it, but it has happened quicker than I expected.

I re-tested the bandwidth exceeded error code this week, but I can't be absolutely confident it will look completely pretty in the real world when it happens. Your sync downloads should pause silently, but I think you'll get an error popup if you try to upload tags. Please wait until the 1st of Feb for the clock to reset.

I have had this problem in the back of my mind for a while. As I've said before, the system that worked for 10 million tags is struggling at 114 million. The update system is very inefficient. There is a longer term plan in the works to P2P a lot of this stuff, but I also have a plan to reduce bandwidth significantly. With this bandwidth problem, I have decided to move this latter overhaul up and also do some other important code and database cleanup.

So, while I will do some general tying-off work next week, for v244 I will concentrate on reducing the size of the database and then in v245 I will overhaul the update protocol. I expect to get about a 30% reduction in db size and quite a bit more on the network end. After that, I will be back to finishing off the dupe stuff.

misc stuff

I have fixed the garbage gif rendering on Windows. It was a build problem.

You can now assign a shortcut to an 'unclose_page' action. It undoes the last page close, and for new users defaults to Ctrl+U.

You can now sort thumbnails by width, height, ratio, and num_pixels!

As I've talked about in recent releases, the hydrus client-server interaction is now exclusively https.

If you import files with neighbouring .txt files and have the original files set to be deleted on successful import, the .txt files will now also be deleted.

When exporting neighbouring .txt files, you will be asked to select which tag services' tags you wish to include!

full list

optimised 'exact match' similar file queries to run a lot faster

optimised similar file queries in general, particularly for larger cycle queries

optimised hamming distance calculation, decreasing time by roughly 45%!

the similar files tree maintenance idle job will not trigger while there are phashes still to regenerate (this was redundantly and annoyingly blatting the new dupes page as soon as phash regen was paused)

removed similar files tree maintenance entry from db->maintain menu, as it can be done better from the new dupes page

adjusted the duplicate search and file phash regen progress gauges to reflect total number of files in cache, not the current batch job

all maintenance jobs on the duplicates search page will now save their progress (and free up a hanging gui) every 30 seconds

the duplicates page's cog menu button now lets you put phash regen and tree rebalancing on the normal idle routine, defaulting both to off

the cog menu can also put duplicate searching on idle time!

added a very rough 'just show me some pairs!' button to the dupe page--it is pretty neat to finally see what is going on

I may have reduced the memory use explosion some users are getting during file phash regen maintenance

wrote an unclose_page action and added it to the shortcuts options panel--it undoes the last page close, if one exists. ctrl+u will be the default for new users, but existing users have to add it under options

added ascending/descending sort choices for width, height, ratio, and num_pixels

the client can no longer talk to old http hydrus network servers--everything is now https

in prep for a later network version update, the client now supports gzipped network strings (which compress json a lot better than the old lz4 compression)

fixed gif rendering in the Windows build--I forgot to update a build script dll patch for the new version of opencv

the export file dialog's neighbouring .txt taglist file stuff now allows you to select a specific combination of tag services

if an hdd import's original file is due to be deleted, any existing neighbouring taglist .txt file will now also be deleted

the inter-thread messaging system has a new simple way of reporting download progress on an url

the handful of things that create a downloading popup (like the youtube downloader) now use this new download reporting system

sankaku seems to be 503-broke due to cloudflare protection--I have paused all existing sankaku subscriptions and removed the sankaku entry for new users (pending a future fix on my or their end)

I've also removed danbooru for new users for now--someone can fix the long-running sample size file issue in the new downloader engine

removed unnamespaced tag support from the hentai-foundry parser--maybe someone can try to fix that mess in the new downloader engine

menubuttons can now handle boolean check menu items that are tied straight into hydrus's options

menus launched from the newer frame and dialog code will now correctly display their help text on the main gui frame's statusbar! (at least on Windows! Linux and OS X remain borked!)

fixed a unicode error parsing bug in the gallery downloader

the server stop (or restart) command now correctly uses https!

the server test code now works on https as appropriate

fixed some misc server test code

misc fixes

misc cleanup

misc layout cleanup

next week

I had actually already scheduled a smaller network improvement for v245 before this bandwidth issue came up, so that's why I am sticking with that for the bigger overhaul. I think the db collapse (which is best done beforehand) will take a week, so I still have next week spare. I will try to tie-off the biggest outstanding cleanup and fixing jobs and not burn myself out so I can concentrate for two weeks.

[nico-in-space]

Sunny/Bright/Winter/Night

This is an original story of mine that I’m working on. I figured I could post the rough drafts online so I could get probable feedback on them! :) They’ll just escape into the void of Tumblr, so it’s not like it really matters, but I’m putting myself out there anyway, just for the hell of it.

Summary: For each situation, there are at least a hundred different perspectives. Naturally, when the aliens invade Earth, there are a few different perspectives on that event.  One is in favor of the operation. It will, in the end, benefit Earth's prosperity, and add more diversity to the already incredibly advanced ecosystem.  Another couldn't care less if aliens are invading. She's currently in the process of writing her application for MIT. It's not going so great. Also, she just had a MASSIVE fight with her best friend, who's been unusually grouchy lately. What's up with that? Not that it really matters, at this point. Now, what to study next...  One wishes that the aliens would beam her up, as she's feeling lost, alone, and depressed for many, many current reasons. But maybe she's been feeling like that for longer.  Another has been trying, fruitlessly, to defend Earth from the eventual capture of its people, but really wishes she had a helping hand in her project. Her co-workers don't seem to understand that a battle cannot be won with only force. You need knowledge, too, which is something she has quite enough of, thank you. How do their stories intertwine? Find out in Sunny/Bright/Winter/Night.

Also cross-posted on Wattpad here! I update there more regularly. :)

CODENAME: AGENT S1143

I sigh, leaning back in my chair. It protests at the action, squeaking unpleasantly, the sound reverberating in the large domed room that my cubicle, along with many others, is situated. I'm done working for the day, finally. It always feels like my work is never-ending, but my job is important, at least in the eyes of the Overseer. 

I flex my feet, hearing the joints crack. Us menial workers "run the show," according to the many posters hung up around the satellite base. We are the backbone that run the hypothetical "body" of the Earth Mission #024. At least, that's what the Overseer tells us to make us feel better.

 My work consists of an infinite amount of paperwork. Well, fairly recently in terms of history we've gone digital, so it's all computerized work. My older co-workers often complain about the supposed "laziness" of folk my age because we never had to sort physical paperwork like they did. It's really fucking annoying, to be honest. But I digress. My job is basically to scan over the documents which detail, in exactness, the birth of a Human, and all their medical "traits." I run the document through diagnostics to make sure there are no glitches. It's just some debug program, one that I could probably program myself if I had the desire,  but I'd probably get in trouble with my Local Leader. As much as I don't give a literal fuck what my Local Leader thinks, I don't feel like being electrocuted to death anytime soon. After the document goes through diagnostics, I click the confirm button, and the next document pops up. It's all I live for, basically.

It's menial; almost an insult to my intellect. I pride myself on being a fairly smart Ki'golian these days, though I was fairly rebellious in my youth, and didn't spend much time at the Academy. I preferred to spend my time in more...lucrative ways.

I get up, rubbing my shoulders. Terror above, they're sore... What I wouldn't give for a sauna in this damn place. Not like I'd ever be able to use something like that, as a folk of my status.

Feeling rather sour, I leave the Dome to head to my apartment. I swipe my card, entering my apartment Block, then find my room number and swipe to enter that. Alone at last. I recline on my bed, looking out the small window to the view of Earth. The planet is large, and I am currently viewing the Pacific Ocean. It's the largest one, which is the only way I can remember it. It's incredibly blue, even covered with clouds, and I find that I can't look away. The sun's light reflects on it even from my vantage point, though the clouds cover most of it, swirling gently, circularly. Actually seeing it in person is kind of a shock to me still. I've done boring work before, in boring places, so I figured the Earth Mission, when they reached out to me, would be no different. But the scenery, at least, is incredibly extravagant, even if the pay isn't.

 ...it really is a beautiful planet. I suppose there are things that don't have a monetary value. Scenery like this, I suppose, can be counted as one of them.

-----

GAMER-ID: BETATESTER 112

"Dammit!" Tasha exclaimed, slamming her controller on the ground. Next to her, her friend Leila yelled in success, punching the air with fervor. She was at Leila's house, playing video games with her together after school. The room was brightly lit, and Leila's screen was massive. It was a video gamer's heaven.

"Fuck, Leila, you're way too good at games. Seriously," Tasha groaned, rubbing her temples. She continued, "you'd be real good in the robotics club. I could use a friend there."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Leila reiterated, setting down her controller and pulling a hair tie off her wrist, using it to pull up her hair. Tasha couldn't help but watch the motion, watched Leila's tan, toned arms as she fixed her hair. "You hate that the guys there think your sexuality's a challenge." Tasha blinked, focusing back on Leila's face.

"You think the teacher's wishy-washy for letting that shit happen. But you want to go to college for Rocket Science, so you're sticking with it anyway." Leila scoffed. "If I were you, I would'a quit the moment one of 'em started hitting on me."

"Not all of us have a career in lucrative hobbies, Leila. I gotta work for that future degree, y'know?" Tasha grumbled, annoyed. "Which means I have to be in a shit ton of clubs, even ones I'm...less fond of, and I've gotta do well in my classes, so that MIT might even consider me. I just wanted a little more support, that's all I was asking. It's not that hard to join a-"

"Stop." Leila's voice was tight. Her shoulders had tensed up. Tense herself, Tasha leveled her gaze at Leila, not about to back down now.

Outside, a bird trilled. Leila's robotic butler rolled to its charging dock and hooked itself on, shutting down for a quick nap, it seemed.

Leila scoffed.

 Tasha blinked.

 "Video gaming is hard work, okay! It's an actual skill."

Tasha glared at Leila. Leila was changing the topic again, like she always did when Tasha brought up her tendency to slack off. 

"No, it's not," she responded, annoyed with herself for encouraging this particularly irksome behavior of Leila's.

"Fuck you. It is," Leila growled, giving Tasha the respective finger.

Tasha groaned, frustrated, throwing her hands up in the air. This is how their conversations have been going lately, and Tasha can pinpoint it starting during the week that Tasha and their mutual friend Akane began casually dating, three months ago. Ever since then, for whatever reason, Leila has been really tough to be around, especially with applications for college starting up this month.

Tasha knew Leila was sensitive about her grades in school. No matter how much Tasha tried to reassure her it was just a letter, it didn't mean anything towards her intellect, it was still a touchy subject with her, for whatever reason. Leila wasn't planning on going to college, and college was all Tasha could think about. It was, in hindsight, a recipe for disaster. 

"You know what," she began, getting up from her seat. "I'm getting a little tired of your attitude, Leila."

Tasha grimaced, before flicking her off. She hated to do it, but Leila seriously needed a taste of her own medicine."Wait, Tasha," Leila whined, but it was too late.

Tasha had walked out of the door.

 Tasha strode purposefully to her car, parked in front of the Horton's mansion. Leila was just another nobody who spent all their time gaming. A nobody who had once been special to Tasha, but not anymore. Tasha had bigger things on her plate, and that plate didn't have room for Leila's rich girl problems.

Tasha gunned the engine, tasting the delicious feeling of knowing that Leila, right now, had heard that, and was probably upset.

It was almost like freedom.

-----

LEILA

She yearned after those Saturday nights spent drinking strawberry lemonade and watching the clouds, sun bright, in her eyes, in Tasha's eyes, the bright summer sky turning everything a shade of gold. Flittering, fluttering, old dandelion fluff from spring still in the air, making her nose itch.

She loved to watch as the white puffs blew in the slight breeze. She wished, oh God, did she wish, that she could fly like them, free, warmed by the sun, dancing against the wind.

And when she looked into Tasha's warm hazel eyes, she was part of the way there.

.

.

.

But all she felt now was the deepest chill, winter's chill creeping up her bones and settling in her spine. It froze her. She couldn't move, as her dearest friend and one-sided lover walked away, for what looked like the last time.

-----

DIARY LOG 10/10/40

Today's mission went pretty rough. Those damned beasts keep making the chase harder. I keep hacking into their mainframe to try and disable their cloaking device, but they change the security every time. And it's always so God...damned convoluted. Ugh, I have the worst fucking headache right now. Boss keeps telling me I need lasik, or contacts, or even old-fashioned glasses, but there's no time for that. Not when I'm the only hacker on the Resistance team. We really need to get someone else who can program. Jesus. 

End log.

[jamesstegall]

Inside the fight to reclaim AI from Big Tech’s control

Timnit Gebru never thought a scientific paper would cause her so much trouble. 

In 2020, as the co-lead of Google’s ethical AI team, Gebru had reached out to Emily Bender, a linguistics professor at the University of Washington, and asked to collaborate on research about the troubling direction of artificial intelligence. Gebru wanted to identify the risks posed by large language models, one of the most stunning recent breakthroughs in AI research. The models are algorithms trained on staggering amounts of text. Under the right conditions, they can compose what look like convincing passages of prose.

For a few years, tech companies had been racing to build bigger versions and integrate them into consumer products. Google, which invented the technique, was already using one to improve the relevance of search results. OpenAI announced the largest one, called GPT-3, in June 2020 and licensed it exclusively to Microsoft a few months later.

Gebru worried about how fast the technology was being deployed. In the paper she wound up writing with Bender and five others, she detailed the possible dangers. The models were enormously costly to create—both environmentally (they require huge amounts of computational power) and financially; they were often trained on the toxic and abusive language of the internet; and they’d come to dominate research in language AI, elbowing out promising alternatives. 

Like other existing AI techniques, the models don’t actually understand language. But because they can manipulate it to retrieve text-based information for users or generate natural conversation, they can be packaged into products and services that make tech companies lots of money.

That November, Gebru submitted the paper to a conference. Soon after, Google executives asked her to retract it, and when she refused, they fired her. Two months later, they also fired her coauthor Margaret Mitchell, the other leader of the ethical AI team.

The dismantling of that team sparked one of the largest controversies within the AI world in recent memory. Defenders of Google argued that the company has the right to supervise its own researchers. But for many others, it solidified fears about the degree of control that tech giants now have over the field. Big Tech is now the primary employer and funder of AI researchers, including, somewhat ironically, many of those who assess its social impacts.

Among the world’s richest and most powerful companies, Google, Facebook, Amazon, Microsoft, and Apple have made AI core parts of their business. Advances over the last decade, particularly in an AI technique called deep learning, have allowed them to monitor users’ behavior; recommend news, information, and products to them; and most of all, target them with ads. Last year Google’s advertising apparatus generated over $140 billion in revenue. Facebook’s generated $84 billion.

The companies have invested heavily in the technology that has brought them such vast wealth. Google’s parent company, Alphabet, acquired the London-based AI lab DeepMind for $600 million in 2014 and spends hundreds of millions a year to support its research. Microsoft signed a $1 billion deal with OpenAI in 2019 for commercialization rights to its algorithms.

At the same time, tech giants have become large investors in university-based AI research, heavily influencing its scientific priorities. Over the years, more and more ambitious scientists have transitioned to working for tech giants full time or adopted a dual affiliation. From 2018 to 2019, 58% of the most cited papers at the top two AI conferences had at least one author affiliated with a tech giant, compared with only 11% a decade earlier, according to a study by researchers in the Radical AI Network, a group that seeks to challenge power dynamics in AI.

The problem is that the corporate agenda for AI has focused on techniques with commercial potential, largely ignoring research that could help address challenges like economic inequality and climate change. In fact, it has made these challenges worse. The drive to automate tasks has cost jobs and led to the rise of tedious labor like data cleaning and content moderation. The push to create ever larger models has caused AI’s energy consumption to explode. Deep learning has also created a culture in which our data is constantly scraped, often without consent, to train products like facial recognition systems. And recommendation algorithms have exacerbated political polarization, while large language models have failed to clean up misinformation. 

It’s this situation that Gebru and a growing movement of like-minded scholars want to change. Over the last five years, they’ve sought to shift the field’s priorities away from simply enriching tech companies, by expanding who gets to participate in developing the technology. Their goal is not only to mitigate the harms caused by existing systems but to create a new, more equitable and democratic AI. 

“Hello from Timnit”

In December 2015, Gebru sat down to pen an open letter. Halfway through her PhD at Stanford, she’d attended the Neural Information Processing Systems conference, the largest annual AI research gathering. Of the more than 3,700 researchers there, Gebru counted only five who were Black.

Once a small meeting about a niche academic subject, NeurIPS (as it’s now known) was quickly becoming the biggest annual AI job bonanza. The world’s wealthiest companies were coming to show off demos, throw extravagant parties, and write hefty checks for the rarest people in Silicon Valley: skillful AI researchers.

That year Elon Musk arrived to announce the nonprofit venture OpenAI. He, Y Combinator’s then president Sam Altman, and PayPal cofounder Peter Thiel had put up $1 billion to solve what they believed to be an existential problem: the prospect that a superintelligence could one day take over the world. Their solution: build an even better superintelligence. Of the 14 advisors or technical team members he anointed, 11 were white men.

RICARDO SANTOS | COURTESY PHOTO

While Musk was being lionized, Gebru was dealing with humiliation and harassment. At a conference party, a group of drunk guys in Google Research T-shirts circled her and subjected her to unwanted hugs, a kiss on the cheek, and a photo.

Gebru typed out a scathing critique of what she had observed: the spectacle, the cult-like worship of AI celebrities, and most of all, the overwhelming homogeneity. This boy’s club culture, she wrote, had already pushed talented women out of the field. It was also leading the entire community toward a dangerously narrow conception of artificial intelligence and its impact on the world.

Google had already deployed a computer-vision algorithm that classified Black people as gorillas, she noted. And the increasing sophistication of unmanned drones was putting the US military on a path toward lethal autonomous weapons. But there was no mention of these issues in Musk’s grand plan to stop AI from taking over the world in some theoretical future scenario. “We don’t have to project into the future to see AI’s potential adverse effects,” Gebru wrote. “It is already happening.”

Gebru never published her reflection. But she realized that something needed to change. On January 28, 2016, she sent an email with the subject line “Hello from Timnit” to five other Black AI researchers. “I’ve always been sad by the lack of color in AI,” she wrote. “But now I have seen 5 of you

and thought that it would be cool if we started a black in AI group or at least know of each other.”

The email prompted a discussion. What was it about being Black that informed their research? For Gebru, her work was very much a product of her identity; for others, it was not. But after meeting they agreed: If AI was going to play a bigger role in society, they needed more Black researchers. Otherwise, the field would produce weaker science—and its adverse consequences could get far worse.

A profit-driven agenda

As Black in AI was just beginning to coalesce, AI was hitting its commercial stride. That year, 2016, tech giants spent an estimated $20 to $30 billion on developing the technology, according to the McKinsey Global Institute.

Heated by corporate investment, the field warped. Thousands more researchers began studying AI, but they mostly wanted to work on deep-learning algorithms, such as the ones behind large language models. “As a young PhD student who wants to get a job at a tech company, you realize that tech companies are all about deep learning,” says Suresh Venkatasubramanian, a computer science professor who now serves at the White House Office of Science and Technology Policy. “So you shift all your research to deep learning. Then the next PhD student coming in looks around and says, ‘Everyone’s doing deep learning. I should probably do it too.’”

But deep learning isn’t the only technique in the field. Before its boom, there was a different AI approach known as symbolic reasoning. Whereas deep learning uses massive amounts of data to teach algorithms about meaningful relationships in information, symbolic reasoning focuses on explicitly encoding knowledge and logic based on human expertise. 

Some researchers now believe those techniques should be combined. The hybrid approach would make AI more efficient in its use of data and energy, and give it the knowledge and reasoning abilities of an expert as well as the capacity to update itself with new information. But companies have little incentive to explore alternative approaches when the surest way to maximize their profits is to build ever bigger models. 

In their paper, Gebru and Bender alluded to a basic cost of this tendency to stick with deep learning: the more advanced AI systems we need are not being developed, and similar problems keep recurring. Facebook, for example, relies heavily on large language models for automated content moderation. But without really understanding the meaning behind text, those models often fail. They regularly take down innocuous posts while giving hate speech and misinformation a pass.

AI-based facial recognition systems suffer from the same issue. They’re trained on massive amounts of data but see only pixel patterns—they do not have a grasp of visual concepts like eyes, mouths, and noses. That can trip these systems up when they’re used on individuals with a different skin tone from the people they were shown during training. Nonetheless, Amazon and other companies have sold these systems to law enforcement. In the US, they have caused three known cases of police jailing the wrong person—all Black men—in the last year.

For years, many in the AI community largely acquiesced to Big Tech’s role in shaping the development and impact of these technologies. While some expressed discomfort with the corporate takeover, many more welcomed the industry’s deep well of funding. 

But as the shortcomings of today’s AI have become more evident—both its failure to solve social problems and the mounting examples that it can exacerbate them—faith in Big Tech has weakened. Google’s ousting of Gebru and Mitchell further stoked the discussion by revealing just how much companies will prioritize profit over self-policing.

In the immediate aftermath, over 2,600 Google employees and 4,300 others signed a petition denouncing Gebru’s dismissal as “unprecedented research censorship.” Half a year later, research groups are still rejecting the company’s funding, researchers refuse to participate in its conference workshops, and employees are leaving in protest.

Unlike five years ago, when Gebru began raising these questions, there’s now a well-established movement questioning what AI should be and who it should serve. This isn’t a coincidence. It’s very much a product of Gebru’s own initiative, which began with the simple act of inviting more Black researchers into the field.

It takes a conference

In December 2017, the new Black in AI group hosted its first workshop at NeurIPS. While organizing the workshop, Gebru approached Joy Buolamwini, an MIT Media Lab researcher who was studying commercial facial recognition systems for possible bias. Buolamwini had begun testing these systems after one failed to detect her own face unless she donned a white mask. She submitted her preliminary results to the workshop.

Deborah Raji, then an undergraduate researcher, was another early participant. Raji was appalled by the culture she’d observed at NeurIPS. The workshop became her respite. “To go from four or five days of that to a full day of people that look like me talking about succeeding in this space—it was such important encouragement for me,” she says.

Buolamwini, Raji, and Gebru would go on to work together on a pair of groundbreaking studies about discriminatory computer-vision systems. Buolamwini and Gebru coauthored Gender Shades, which showed that the facial recognition systems sold by Microsoft, IBM, and Chinese tech giant Megvii had remarkably high failure rates on Black women despite near-perfect performance on white men. Raji and Buolamwini then collaborated on a follow-up called Actionable Auditing, which found the same to be true for Amazon’s Rekognition. In 2020, Amazon would agree to a one-year moratorium on police sales of its product, in part because of that work.

At the very first Black in AI workshop, though, these successes were distant possibilities. There was no agenda other than to build community and produce research based on their sorely lacking perspectives. Many onlookers didn’t understand why such a group needed to exist. Gebru remembers dismissive comments from some in the AI community. But for others, Black in AI pointed a new way forward.

This was true for William Agnew and Raphael Gontijo Lopes, both queer men conducting research in computer science, who realized they could form a Queer in AI group. (Other groups that took shape include Latinx in AI, {Dis}Ability in AI, and Muslim in ML.) For Agnew, in particular, having such a community felt like an urgent need. “It was hard to even imagine myself having a happy life,” he says, reflecting on the lack of queer role models in the field. “There’s Turing, but he committed suicide. So that’s depressing. And the queer part of him is just ignored.”

Not all affinity group members see a connection between their identity and their research. Still, each group has established particular expertise. Black in AI has become the intellectual center for exposing algorithmic discrimination, critiquing surveillance, and developing data-efficient AI techniques. Queer in AI has become a center for contesting the ways algorithms infringe on people’s privacy and classify them into bounded categories by default.

Venkatasubramanian and Gebru also helped create the Fairness, Accountability, and Transparency (FAccT) conference to create a forum for research on the social and political implications of AI. Ideas and draft papers discussed at NeurIPS affinity group workshops often become the basis for papers published at FAccT, which then showcases that research to broader audiences.

It was after Buolamwini presented at the first Black in AI workshop, for example, that FAccT published Gender Shades. Along with Actionable Auditing, it then fueled several major education and advocacy campaigns to limit government use of facial recognition. When Amazon attempted to undermine the legitimacy of Buolamwini’s and Raji’s research, dozens of AI researchers and civil society organizations banded together to defend them, foreshadowing what they would later do for Gebru. Those efforts eventually contributed to Amazon’s moratorium, which in May the company announced it would extend indefinitely.

The research also set off a cascade of regulation. More than a dozen cities have banned police use of facial recognition, and Massachusetts now requires police to get a judge’s permission to use it. Both the US and the European Commission have proposed additional regulation.

“First we had to just be there,” says Gebru. “And at some point, what Black in AI says starts to become important. And what all of these groups together say becomes important. You have to listen to us now.”

Follow the money

After Gebru and Mitchell’s firing, the field is grappling anew with an age-old question: Is it possible to change the status quo while working from within? Gebru still believes working with tech giants is the best way to identify the problems. But she also believes that corporate researchers need stronger legal protections. If they see risky practices, they should be able to publicly share their observations without jeopardizing their careers.

Then there’s the question of funding. Many researchers want more investment from the US government to support work that is critical of commercial AI development and advances the public welfare. Last year, it committed a measly $1 billion to non-defense-related AI research. The Biden administration is now asking Congress to invest an additional $180 billion in emerging technologies, with AI as a top priority.

Such funding could help people like Rediet Abebe, an assistant professor of computer science at the University of California, Berkeley. Abebe came into AI with ideas of using it to advance social equity. But when she started her PhD at Cornell, no one was focused on doing such research. 

In the fall of 2016, as a PhD student, she began a small Cornell reading group with a fellow graduate student to study topics like housing instability, health-care access, and inequality. She then embarked on a new project to see whether her computational skills could support efforts to alleviate poverty.

Eventually, she found the Poverty Tracker study, a detailed data set on the financial shocks—unexpected expenses like medical bills or parking tickets—experienced by more than 2,000 New York families. Over many conversations with the study’s authors, social workers, and nonprofits serving marginalized communities, she learned about their needs and told them how she could help. Abebe then developed a model that showed how the frequency and type of shocks affected a family’s economic status. 

Five years later, the project is still ongoing. She’s now collaborating with nonprofits to improve her model and working with policymakers through the California Policy Lab to use it as a tool for preventing homelessness. Her reading group has also since grown into a 2,000-person community and is holding its inaugural conference later this year. 

Abebe sees it as a way to incentivize more researchers to flip the norms of AI. While traditional computer science conferences emphasize advancing computational techniques for the sake of doing so, the new one will publish work that first seeks to deeply understand a social issue. The work is no less technical, but it builds the foundation for more socially meaningful AI to emerge. 

“These changes that we’re fighting for—it’s not just for marginalized groups,” she says. “It’s actually for everyone.”

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Career coaches on the biggest mistakes people make in the job search

How often, during a tough week at the office, have you heard your friends say, “Time to update my résumé!”

You’ve probably said it, too. 

Most people take this approach to the job search, and it makes sense. There’s so much you can’t control about the process, but adding new bullet points to your résumé feels actionable and straightforward. 

But when it comes to thinking about your next career move, this isn’t the best place to start, says Jenny Foss, a career coach, certified professional résumé writer, and the voice behind the popular career blog JobJenny.com. “Job seekers will be in much better shape if they think about what they do (and don’t) want in that next job BEFORE they update the résumé,” she explains. 

What other not-so-intuitive traps do we fall into? Here, seven experts who coach people through these very scenarios share how to job search the right way:

Mistake 1: Not starting with you

Founder and lead coach Evangelia Leclaire agrees that people often initially focus too much on job search tactics, like their résumé and elevator pitch. “I suggest you focus on you first as the foundation,” she says. “The beliefs, attitude, and energy a smart person will bring to a job search will determine their success.”

Specifically, she advises spending time building up your confidence. Because you’re often competing with hundreds of candidates, it’s easy to doubt yourself, but that’s counterproductive, she explains. “We behave how we believe. So, if you believe that you are not enough or think, ‘I don’t have enough,’ your attitude, approach, and actions will reflect that.”   

Some practical tips to boost your confidence? Leclaire suggests jotting down your competencies, character traits, and core strengths and using those to create a vision for your next chapter. She also recommends crafting a narrative about your future ambitions and repeating it daily, both in your mind and out loud. 

These mental exercises can be powerful motivation. “You don’t want to end up in a job you hate, or simply tolerate, because you weren’t honest with yourself or didn’t believe you could grow into bigger and better opportunities,” she says.

Mistake 2: Thinking like a historian, not a marketer

Once you’re clear on what you want, is it time to update your résumé? Yes, but maybe not in the same way you’ve done in the past. 

Foss often tells her clients that a résumé is a marketing document, not an autobiography that details every role and responsibility you’ve ever had. “Just like in marketing, you’re trying to prompt a purchase decision. In this case, that purchase decision is, ‘Invite you in for an interview,’” she shares. “The easier you make it for decision makers to quickly connect the dots between what they need and what you can walk through their doors and deliver, the better the odds they’re going to want to talk.”

What does this look like in practice? Foss recommends digging into job boards and companies’ careers pages. Pull a few postings, and find the themes and criteria that keep coming up. “For instance, if you pull five job descriptions and four of them indicate in some form that they need someone who can solve complex problems and navigate ambiguity—and you can absolutely do these things—then you need to make it clear very quickly on your résumé that this is you.”

Mistake 3: Not looking at the big picture

With that said, don’t forget about all of the skills that you bring to the table. “The biggest mistake smart people make during their job search is not looking at their experience in a holistic way,” says Dorianne St Fleur, a career strategist and the founder of Your Career Girl, a career development agency for black women. “While it may seem like a no-brainer to solely focus on your project management experience if you’re applying for a project management role, consider highlighting the complementary skills you bring to the table as well.” 

For example, she explains, if you’re a project manager who also has experience in web design and operations management—and those skills are relevant to a specific role—find a way to highlight them. “Showcasing how your specific background allows you to bring a new perspective to your work will help you stand out among the hundreds of job seekers vying for the same position,” she explains. Just make sure to make it feel like a value add, not a random sidebar of your career. “It’s your job to connect the dots.”

Mistake 4: Overemphasizing what you want

Another part of your job? Showing a company what you can do for them, not vice versa. “One of the biggest mistakes even the savviest job seekers make is they put too much emphasis on what they want,” explains Emily Liou, career happiness coach and founder of CultiVitae. “When asked, ‘Why do you want to work here?’ or ‘Why are you interested in this role?’ . . . they may catch themselves stating, ‘I want to grow and am ready for greater challenges.’”

But, she cautions, employers don’t really care—at least not initially. “What they want to know is: How will you make our lives easier? What are you going to immediately contribute? How are you going to solve my problem?”

Instead, she advises zeroing in on the solutions you can provide and sharing how you’ve accomplished related milestones before. Her example: Try reframing “I’m interested in greater challenges” as something like “I’m really looking forward to leveraging my expertise in developing programs that impact global communities. I can accomplish this as I’ve spent the past six years studying various learning theories and creating curriculum that’s increased engagement by 78%.”

Mistake 5: Relying solely on job postings

In theory, online job boards are great—you can submit your application to as many companies as you’d like in the span of an hour or so. But given how easy it is for anyone, anywhere to apply online, hiring managers are flooded with résumés, says Ryan Kahn, career coach and founder of The Hired Group. 

So it’s a mistake to rely only on these sites. He paints this picture: “Imagine you’re a hiring manager trying to fill a position. You have two piles—a stack of 100 résumés from qualified candidates who applied online and five résumés from candidates who were personally referred by your colleagues. Which pile would you tackle first? It’s only natural for hiring managers to start with candidates who’ve already been vetted.” 

He coaches candidates to spend more time networking with friends, second-degree connections, and even people they don’t know yet to build the kinds of professional relationships that can lead to being referred—or even hearing about positions before they’re posted. “Job seekers who rely solely on online job postings are only tapping into a small percentage of the available market,” he explains. 

Mistake 6: Only networking when you need something

Jena Viviano, career strategist and founder of Recruit the Employer, seconds the importance of networking, adding that too many job seekers only do it when they need something. “That is just too late,” she cautions. 

Most people, she adds, tend to avoid networking because they have a misconstrued idea of what it entails. “We often think of it as sleazy, or a one-time interaction, or a happy hour,” she says. “But networking at its core is about mutually beneficial professional relationships developed over time—with an emphasis on ‘over time’.” 

If done correctly, she often tells people, networking can make the search infinitely easier. So, if you’re even thinking about looking for a new gig, start now. “I would recommend connecting with three different contacts a week. That way, when it is time to find a job, you have a whole army of people to support you.”

Mistake 7: Not following up

Like Kahn, Ariel Lopez, founder and CEO of tech hiring platform Knac, notes that most hiring managers receive an overwhelming volume of applications. “It’s almost impossible for them to screen everyone in their pipeline,” she shares. 

Which is why she says that it’s a big mistake to spend time on finding the perfect opportunity, polishing up your résumé and cover letter, submitting them—and then never following up. “Avoiding following up could result in your application being overlooked and you not getting the job you want,” she adds.

She advises candidates to follow up with every position they apply to, as well as looking for referrals within the companies you’re applying with to help you out. “Be persistent,” she says. “Don’t be afraid of being too aggressive in your job search. Fortune favors the bold.”

This content was originally published here.

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3 scenarios for Trump-Xi meeting

Editor’s Note: This edition of Free Morning Money is published weekdays at 8 a.m. POLITICO Pro Financial Services subscribers hold exclusive early access to the newsletter each morning at 5:15 a.m. To learn more about POLITICO Pro’s comprehensive policy intelligence coverage, policy tools and services, click here.

3 POSSIBLE TRUMP-XI OUTCOMES — T-minus one day until President Trump leaves for the G-20 summit in Buenos Aires for a critical sit-down with Chinese President Xi Jinping. MM has spent the last few days talking to administration officials, market participants and trade experts about both the stakes and the potential outcomes of the summit and repeatedly heard three potential scenarios which we will lay out here with odds for each.

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SCENARIO 1: THE BIG DEAL — The odds of this are the lowest at around 5 percent. Under this scenario, Xi presents Trump with significant “deliverables” on key topics including joint venture rules, intellectual property and the trade deficit. In response, Trump agrees to hold off on increasing the current 10 percent tariff rate to 25 percent on Jan. 1 and halts the process of adding another $267 billion to the list of Chinese goods subject to U.S. tariffs.

People inside and outside the White House see this as highly unlikely given the lack of significant prep work done before the meetings and Xi’s desire to avoid losing face with quick and dramatic concessions to Trump. If it were to happen, global markets would likely celebrate as soon as they re-open on Monday and Trump would take a massive victory lap.

SCENARIO 2: THE SMALL STEP FORWARD — This one is mostly likely (65 percent) and would include positive interactions between Trump and Xi and perhaps a small statement in which both sides agree to further talks and the Chinese agree to some steps including buying more American goods including natural gas. Under this scenario, Trump would send some positive tweets about his relationship with Xi while cautioning that all tariff options remain on the table.

There are many variants to this scenario based on what the Chinese offer. If the offers are better than expected, the January tariff increase could be put on hold. This outcome, depending on the particulars, would also likely goose global stock princes.

SCENARIO 3: THE DISASTER — Non-hardline White House advisers worry about this one a lot and it clocks in at 30 percent. In this scenario, Trump and Xi don’t get along at all, the Chinese offer nothing and Trump leaves angry and pledging to go through with the 25 percent and move as swiftly as possible to add the remaining $267 billion, hitting everything China exports to the U.S. and inviting further non-tariff retaliation from the Chinese.

This scenario ends with mean tweets from Trump and gloating from Peter Navarro. It also ends with sharp declines across global stock and commodities markets and increased recession risk in the United States. White House advisers worry that Trump’s mood and external events (Mueller news etc.) could turn the Xi meeting sour though they don’t see a disaster as very likely given how much the president cares about market reaction.

KUDLOW SETS MODEST EXPECTATIONS — In remarks to reporters on Tuesday, NEC Director Larry Kudlow spoke of newly energized talks between the U.S. and China “at all levels” headed into the Xi meetings but also tamped down hopes for a major deal out of the G20 meeting. “This is an opportunity, with the two presidents, to break through what have been disappointing discussions,” Kudlow said. “This is a big deal, this meeting. And the stakes are very high.” POLITICO’s Andrew Restuccia and Doug Palmer have more on Kudlow’s comments here.

From their piece: “The logistics of the Trump-Xi meeting, which is scheduled for Saturday, are still coming together, according to White House aides. The guest list has not been finalized, and a senior administration official said it’s unclear if the meeting will feature a more intimate discussion with Xi, his wife, Trump and the first lady — or a broader meeting with other top-level aides.” …

“In addition, the president will join the leaders of Mexico and Canada on Friday to sign a newly negotiated trade deal between the two countries, Kudlow said, adding that the logistics of the event are still being ironed out.”

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WHAT BOTH SIDES WANT — POLITICO’s Adam Behsudi: “U.S. demands center on Beijing’s policies that force U.S. firms to hand over technology to do business in China. The Trump administration released an updated report last week that found Beijing has done little to address the initial complaints that have led to tariffs on more than $250 billion worth of Chinese goods. … At best, China could be looking for the upcoming Trump-Xi meeting to result in a detente in the tariff war as a broader deal is worked out.”

TRUMP SWINGS WILDLY AT POWELL … AGAIN — In an interview with WP’s Philip Rucker and Josh Dawsey Trump leveled perhaps has wildest attacks on Fed Chair Jay Powell to date, blaming him for job and plant cuts at GM despite absolutely no evidence that the central bank’s modest and fully anticipated rate cuts had anything to do with the moves. GM says Trump’s tariffs, by contrast, will cost the company $1 billion this year.

Here’s what he said: “I’m doing deals, and I’m not being accommodated by the Fed. They’re making a mistake because I have a gut, and my gut tells me more sometimes than anybody else’s brain can ever tell me.” …

“So far, I’m not even a little bit happy with my selection of Jay. Not even a little bit. And I’m not blaming anybody [message to Mnuchin], but I’m just telling you I think that the Fed is way off-base with what they’re doing.” …

“I disagree with the Fed. I’ve been open about that. I think the Fed is a much bigger problem than China. I think that China wants to make a deal very badly. I think we’ll either make a deal or we’ll be taking in billions and billions of dollars a month in tariffs and I’m okay with either one of those two situations.”

It didn’t make the main story but Trump also went after the Fed’s efforts to very slowly reduce a balance sheet that swelled to over $4 trillion during the financial crisis and recession: “We’re not getting any accommodation, and we’re also paying $50 billion, we’re paying down our liquidity, is — you can make the case it’s a positive thing in one way, but another thing it snaps your liquidity.” Transcript.

TRUMP THOUGHT YELLEN WAS TOO SHORT — Also this little gem from Rucker/Dawsey: “Trump considered reappointing Yellen to the post, and she impressed him greatly during an interview, according to people briefed on their encounter. But advisers steered him away from renominating her, telling him that he should have his own person in the job.

“The president also appeared hung up on Yellen’s height. He told aides on the National Economic Council on several occasions that the 5-foot-3-inch economist was not tall enough to lead the central bank, quizzing them on whether they agreed, current and former officials said.

SPEAKING OF POWELL — The Fed Chair speaks at noon on Wednesday at the Economic Club of New York. His topic is “The Federal Reserve’s Framework for Monitoring Financial Stability.” He’s already obliquely responded to Trump and asserted the Fed’s independence and said the central bank is just trying to do its job. He’s not likely to address Trump at all in his prepared remarks but the subject could certainly come up in questioning by Peter Henry and Marty Feldstein. But he probably won’t go much beyond what he’s already said.

HURTING HIS OWN CASE — We’ve said it before but it’s worth repeating that every time Trump attacks Powell and the Fed he makes it LESS likely that the central bank will pause its rate increases next year. The Fed, as always, will make decisions based on incoming data but if it’s a very close call, protecting the institution’s political independence against Trump’s pressure tactics would argue in favor of staying the course rather than appearing to cave.

MM also wrote back when he was nominated that anyone who thought Powell would be a patsy for Trump were in for significant disappointment. And that is so far proving to be true.

POWELL PREVIEW — Via Pantheon’s Ian Shepherdson: “[W]e very much doubt he wants to give the impression that the Fed is seriously contemplating skipping either the December or March hikes. We’re sure policymakers at this point would prefer not to see turmoil in the stock market, or the manufacturing sector losing steam as a result of the tariff wars with China.

“But these forces aren’t powerful enough yet to ease the downward pressure on the unemployment rate. Accordingly, we were not at all surprised to hear Vice Chair Rich Clarida emphasizing [Tuesday] that downside risks to the economy have diminished in recent years and that gradual rate hikes are appropriate given the uncertainty over the level of the neutral funds rate. … This was not a dovish speech.”

REQUIEM FOR THE G-20 — Mohamed A. El-Erian on Bloomberg View: “Despite weakening and diverging global economic growth, the aspiration for the larger discussions among leaders representing about three-quarters of global gross domestic product has been reduced to issuing bland joint communiques — and that’s assuming an agreement on this can be achieved. … Created with the hope to reflect new global economic realities, the G-20 has been on a downward trend since its successful London summit in April 2009.” Read more.

ONE GOP SENATOR’S PLAN TO SAVE RURAL AMERICA — The latest POLITICO Money podcast features my conversation with Sen. Tim Scott (R-S.C.) on his Opportunity Zones plan, included in the tax cut bill, to offer significant tax incentives for investment in rural and small town areas largely left behind in the economic recovery from the Great Recession.

Scott: “In the Opportunity Zones, the poverty rate is over 30 percent. I look at it from a common-sense perspective and I ask myself, ‘Is there a way for me to positively impact the lives of 50 million Americans by providing an incentive to unlock investments for those areas?’” Sign up here.

GOOD WEDNESDAY MORNING — Big thanks to Victoria Guida for the one-day fill in while MM was in transportation hell. Email me at bwhite@politico.com and follow me on Twitter @morningmoneyben. Email Aubree Eliza Weaver at aweaver@politico.com and follow her on Twitter @AubreeEWeaver..

Let Women Rule your inbox: The Women Rule Newsletter is a weekly email that shares original content, practical advice, backstage stories, special events and impactful resources for women at any stage of their career. If you are a woman looking to lead or grow your professional network, look no further than Women Rule. No one rises to the top alone, so sign up for our newsletter and get started today.

THE ADAGE “WORK HARD AND GET AHEAD” is a waning reality in America today. The question is: What can Washington do to foster more opportunity and prosperity in struggling communities across the country? POLITICO convened a bipartisan group of 14 business leaders, thinkers and policymakers to explore the problem and identify solutions that have a realistic path forward with political leaders of both parties. Read the latest issue of The Agenda to learn more.

GOP HOLDS MISSISSIPPI SENATE SEAT — Via @NBCNews at 10:14 p.m.: BREAKING: Cindy Hyde-Smith (R) wins US Senate runoff in Mississippi, @NBCNews projects.” Read more.

DRIVING THE DAY — President Trump has lunch with New York Governor Andrew Cuomo and attends the National Christmas Tree Lighting at 5:00 p.m. … Big day for economic news and data with the Powell speech leading the docket at noon … Third estimate of Q3 GDP at 8:30 a.m. expected to be unchanged at 3.5 percent …

Trade numbers at 8:30 a.m. expected to rise to $77 billion from $76.3 billion … New home sales at 10:00 a.m. expected to rise to 575K from 553K … FOMC minutes at 2:00 p.m.

MORE ON CLARIDA — Victoria for Pros: “Clarida … emphasized the strength of the U.S. economy but argued that business investment needs to increase to boost productivity growth. … Clarida also pointed to productivity growth as an important dynamic in why inflation is running at or close to the Fed’s 2 percent target ‘and not well above it, when growth is strong and the labor market robust.’” Read more.

BROWN WANTS GM ADDRESSED IN ANY TAX BILL — Our Brian Faler: “Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-Ohio) is demanding that any year-end tax legislation address General Motors’ announcement that it is laying off thousands of workers. Brown, a tax writer and potential 2020 presidential candidate whose state is home to some of those workers, blamed GM’s decision on provisions in the new tax law, H.R. 1 (115), allowing companies to pay a lower tax rate on their overseas earnings than they are charged on their domestic profits.

“He wants to end that as part of any tax legislation lawmakers move before the end of the year — a likely impossible demand given time constraints and the complexities of the issue. ‘This bill is meaningless unless [President Donald Trump] actually addresses the real issues of the day,’ Brown told reporters on Tuesday. ‘I can’t think of anything more important.’” Read more.

More from Brian for Pros on details of the last minute tax effort: “House Republicans Monday evening unexpectedly released a 297-page tax bill they hope to move during the lame-duck session of Congress. The legislation would revive a number of expired tax ‘extenders,’ address glitches in the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act and make a range of changes to savings- and retirement-related tax provisions.

“Other parts of the bill would revamp the IRS, provide new tax breaks for start-up businesses and offer assistance to disaster victims. The measure amounts to House Republicans’ opening bid in negotiations with the Senate. They’ll need Democratic support there to move any changes, and it’s unclear lawmakers will agree to any of the provisions before adjourning for the year.” Read more.

BANKERS PUT PUSH GETS GROOVY VIBES FROM BLUE WAVE — Our Zachary Warmbrodt: “Banks haven’t been able to cash in on marijuana money, but there’s new momentum to change that with Democrats about to take charge of the House. With anti-pot Attorney General Jeff Sessions gone and even more states legalizing weed, bankers who have grown increasingly frustrated by legal restrictions on the cannabis business are working with Democrats and Republicans to change laws curtailing transactions that deal with marijuana.

“The new push by banks to handle financial transactions for the pot industry is the latest sign that politics of marijuana are rapidly changing in the nation’s capital, as voters across the country back legalization. Rep. Ed Perlmutter, a Colorado Democrat who has taken the lead on legislation in the House, said there was ‘a real opportunity’ to move a bill aligning federal and state marijuana laws for banks and credit unions.” Read more.

STOCK INDEXES EDGE HIGHER — AP’s Marley Jay: “Stocks wobbled Tuesday as large high-dividend stocks rose and smaller companies sank. Major indexes were coming off big gains the day before. Big health care companies including Johnson & Johnson rallied, as did telecommunications and household goods makers. Steel and other materials makers skidded, and a steep loss for United Technologies pulled defense contractors lower.

“Technology companies rose even though President Donald Trump said he expects more tariffs on goods imported from China, some of which would hit products like computers and smartphones. Trump is scheduled to meet with Chinese President Xi Jinping during the Group of 20 summit in Argentina later this week.” Read more.

INVESTORS CONFRONT FEARS AHEAD OF G-20 — WSJ’s Amrith Ramkumar: “Softening economic data are adding to investor anxiety ahead of the Group of 20 summit that starts Friday in Buenos Aires. The Citigroup Economic Surprise Index for developed markets, a measure that tracks whether economic reports are meeting projections, has fallen to its lowest level in almost six months. The gauge is in negative territory, meaning data are broadly starting to come in below economists’ expectations. A similar index for emerging markets has been in mostly negative territory since June.” Read more.

GOODBYE APPLE, HELLO MICROSOFT — Bloomberg’s Jeran Wittenstein and Dina Bass: “Microsoft Corp. surpassed Apple Inc. to become the world’s most valuable publicly traded company. All it took was a $300 billion rout. After briefly claiming the top spot on Monday, Microsoft shares rose 0.6 percent Tuesday, pushing the company’s market value to $828.1 billion at the close. That exceeded by more than $1 billion the value of Apple, which has tumbled this month on concern about iPhone unit sales. The last time Microsoft’s market capitalization was bigger than Apple was in 2010, according to data compiled by Bloomberg.” Read more.

** A message from The Clearing House: The Clearing House’s RTP network is the first new payments rail to be introduced in the U.S. in 40 years and the first designed and built for the digital age. The system delivers 24/7/365 real-time clearing and settlement of payments, along with rich messaging and data capabilities. Financial institutions are developing innovative products for consumers and businesses that rely on RTP’s speed, safety and convenience and RTP will support a wave of innovation that will revolutionize payments. RTP was designed with input from a broad range of stakeholders for financial institutions of all sizes. By the end of 2018, the RTP network will reach nearly 50 percent of accounts in the U.S. and is on path to reach nearly all accounts in the U.S. by the Federal Reserve’s Faster Payments Task Force’s goal of 2020. Read about The RTP Network Turns 1: TCH’s Commitment to Faster Payments at https://www.bankingperspectives.com/the-rtp-network-turns-1-tchs-commitment-to-faster-payments/ **

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This Psychological Trick Can Make You a More Empathetic Marketer

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Even though I am [redacted] years old, I follow a bunch of trendy Instagram humor accounts aimed at people in their 20s and teens. I’d like to tell you I do this because I think it’s important to keep up with the latest digital trends… but it’s also possible that I just have an immature sense of humor.

Lately, I’ve been paying closer attention to what resonates on my favorite accounts, which include @Betches, @Ship, @MyTherapistSays, and @GirlsThinkImFunny, among others. These accounts tend to play off the very millennial concept of “same” (a.k.a. “so me,” “also me,” and “it me”). For those not of the Instagram and Snapchat generation, all of these words or phrases basically translate to: “This describes me perfectly.” Below are a few examples that are, ahem, so me.

In an article in The New Statesmen, Amelia Tait calls this “relatable content.” Tait interviewed Dr. Grainne Kirwan, a cyberpsychologist, who said: “As we tend not to discuss many of the mundane aspects of life, either because we believe them to be boring to others, or so unusual that others might think us slightly strange, we frequently don’t realize that many others do and think exactly the same things, even in private moments…hence we seldom realize how common the feeling is.”

What’s making these channels so successful—with their hundreds of thousands of followers—is how they display an empathy for the audience’s deepest, darkest feelings. The accounts make people feel like they aren’t alone. And what’s pretty radical is they prove it’s possible to do empathy en masse.

As you know by now if you’ve been following this series on The Content Strategist, I’ve been exploring the concept of empathic marketing over the past few weeks. I’ve dug into existing psychological and marketing research that relates to empathy, in an effort to understand and synthesize this concept for other marketers. In part three, I’m going to look at what happens when companies validate the emotions of their customers.

My theory is that businesses can actually achieve better results by being kinder to their customers. All the research on empathy suggests that acknowledging another person’s pain is a cornerstone of building trust. That may sound like mushy psychobabble, but there are very practical ways to apply the lesson to our own work.

Emotional Validation

The process of reflecting back someone’s feelings has an official name in psychology textbooks: “emotional validation.”

Houston-based clinician Karyn Hall, Ph.D., author of The Emotionally Sensitive Person, has written extensively about this topic. As she defines it, “Validation is the recognition and acceptance of another person’s thoughts, feelings, sensations, and behaviors as understandable.”

But it’s important to note that validation does not mean flatly agreeing with everything someone says. It’s more akin to acknowledging what they say, holding a mirror up to their feelings.

Human nature is such that we find release simply in feeling heard; perhaps it’s owing to our evolution from caveman days in which there was safety in numbers. (Better to have that Neanderthal on your side than his rock between your eyes.)

In an article from Psychology Today, Steven Stosny, Ph.D., explained that people require confirmation that their suffering or frustration is justified. If they don’t get that confirmation, they become “hyper-focused on the pain and the reasons for it. We know that mental focus amplifies and magnifies the object of the focus; the greater the focus on pain, the more intense and more generalized it grows.”

Translation for marketers: If you don’t acknowledge your customer’s pain, their pain worsens. They won’t hear the solution you’re proposing, because the noise in their head about the problem is too loud. So before you tell them about your great solution, you have to show them that you understand the problem first.

Building Buyer Trust

Robin Stern, associate director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, once told The Washington Post: “When someone feels seen and heard by you, they begin to trust you.” As you well know, connection and trust are keys to building relationships.

Here are a few ways to employ emotional validation:

Do a “validation review”

Back when my now-husband and I were doing premarital counseling, we were taught how to quell arguments (much-needed advice for people of Italian and Greek descent about to enter into a life together). The main tip we learned: Rather than immediately responding to conflict with a zinger that escalates the fight, you should repeat back the sentiment of what the other person said in your own words. For example, “I hear you saying that you don’t like when I leave the sponge in the bottom of the kitchen sink.” (Real scenes from marriage.) If the other person then said, “No, I meant…” you then have to repeat back the change. No inserting opinions until you’ve completed this exercise.

Verbal mimicry—known in psych circles as the “echo effect”—is scientifically proven to increase likability and rapport. There’s also evidence that it leads to better financial outcomes. Two studies have found that waitresses receive bigger tips when they repeat back orders to customers.

If you’re in a business with a high-touch sales process, you can use this tactic of emotional mirroring in one-on-one conversations with customers. But there’s also value in evaluating all of your external-facing marketing materials—website homepage, sales enablement docs, UX copy, social posts, thought leadership, webinars, speeches, press releases, et al.—to make sure they reflect your understanding of the challenges your buyers go through.

Let’s say you’re selling marketing automation software. If securing budget is your buyer’s biggest challenge, you probably want to acknowledge somewhere on your site, “We know how hard it can be to get sign off for an investment of this size, and we’ve worked with hundreds of customers to make the case to senior management.”

Act as your customer’s proxy

Contently’s editor-in-chief Joe Lazauskas is always on the lookout for brands doing funny things to engage—and he recently shared this tweet from Hamburger Helper, a brand I hadn’t thought of in years:

What made Helper’s response so amazing was that the doofy dinner-in-a-box mascot took on the persona of its core clientele. I for one felt a feminist kinship with this anthropomorphic glove. It spoke not just for a box of ground-beef accouterment but for women everywhere. The brand stood in to defend its customers. (Also, I don’t like this Chris fellow very much.)

There are other ways to act as a proxy without needing to defend customers or respond to something off-color. After Tom Petty went into cardiac arrest in the fall, Spotify immediately created a playlist of his work. To me, this was a way for Spotify to tell its users, “We get that you’re sad; we can’t solve this problem with you, but we can help you grieve.”

At Monster, meanwhile, our former social media director Patrick Gillooly had set IFTTT software to inform his team when someone tweeted that they were going on a job interview. Our folks would then quickly reply from the @Monster handle with a good luck message. I’ve always loved this one-to-one engagement because it takes a very solitary moment and helps people feel like they have someone on their side. (At the same time, it gets our brand name in front of people at a very crucial time, since those candidates may not get the job.)

Marketers can take a page from any of these examples. Look for moments like these impacting your audience, and respond in a way that shows you hear and support them.

Find an empathic influencer

I’m fairly skeptical of influencer marketing since it can feel unctuous if done wrong. That said, if you can find the right person to represent your brand, this tactic can help you make deeper connections via empathy.

The other day, I was served up a content-driven video ad on Twitter that was produced by Harper’s Bazaar for Dior 999, a red lipstick that supposedly looks good on everyone. First off, sweet job on targeting, HB, because I went from top of funnel to bottom in like 275 seconds. This ad focused on four women of different races who thought they looked terrible in red lipstick (“it me”). Celebrity makeup artist Daniel Martin listened to their concerns, explained why it would look good on each of them, and applied it using his special tricks. Of course, it worked for all of them, and clearly, the whole thing worked for me.

My point is, when you’re searching for an influencer to supplement your efforts, don’t simply look at reach. Also, do the legwork to see if that person has made empathetic connections with the target audience. Do they validate your customer’s problems through their work? A small audience that feels heard can help your bottom line much more than a large audience that’s only somewhat engaged.

In Traackr’s global research report Influence 2.0, Altimeter Group analyst Brian Solis emphasizes the importance of empathy and says, “The digital influencers that everyone covets are human beings who have built communities where others follow their updates for a variety of personal or professional reasons. The ties that bind are the very premises of relationships. These communities are rich with the exchange of mutual value and social capital.” He goes on to note that in order to have effective results from an influencer campaign, marketers need to know what their audience values first, then choose an influencer who aligns.

The right influencer will make the audience care about your message over time through validation. That can catapult you forward compared to where you’d be if you were starting from scratch.

Look no further than those Instagram accounts I can’t get enough of. They’ve built audiences through their empathy—audiences that are now receptive to a new product. Say, like this t-shirt, which is… also me.

Margaret Magnarelli is the senior director of marketing and managing editor for content at Monster. This is the third column in her series on empathic marketing. You can the first and second installments here. The final part will be published on The Content Strategist next Friday.

Image by iStockphoto

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