#Tuunbaq runs right by him at one point

[saints-who-never-existed]

Rereading The Terror

Chapter Forty-Three: Crozier

This chapter covers Fitzjames and Crozier's excursion to the cairn at Victory point and oddly enough, I don't have as much so say about it as I thought I might. Nevertheless, I persist!

Between Crozier literally falling asleep while walking and rambling unintentionally about his Memo Moira and visions of the future, and the two Captains becoming half-lost in the thick fog, there's a definite eeriness to the start of this chapter.

There are also storms approaching and thunder booming above them. Crozier makes a terrible sort of half-joke about it all: "What could be worse than a thunderstorm in late April with the temperature still below zero?" "Cannon fire," said Crozier. "Cannon fire?" "From the rescue ship that came down open leads all the way from Lancaster Strait and through Peel Sound only to find Erebus crushed and Terror abandoned. They're firing their guns for twenty-four hours to get our attention before sailing away." "Please, Francis, stop" said Fitzjames. "If you continue I may vomit. And I've already done my vomiting for today."

They find Gore's note and observe the mistakes thereon before starting to add to it ("Sir John must have been as tired and confused as we are now." "No one has ever been as tired and confused as we are now" said Fitzjames). And as if to prove that point, he falls asleep and snores softly with his head on his knees while Crozier continues to write.

When roused to sign his name, Fitzjames notices that Crozier hasn't written of where they intend to go next. Crozier begins to explain his feelings on this - how he hasn't really decided where they're going and how it's all completely hopeless anyway. But then, they're interrupted by the sound of something circling them in the fog.

Crozier is the only one armed and he raises his pistol to fire at the thing in the fog, calm and collected. He specifically tries to aim high "so as not to strike that face." which strikes me as odd - why would he want to avoid its face?

He fires and only then do we see that it wasn't Tuunbaq circling them at all, merely a curious juvenile polar bear that, startled, immediately runs away back into the fog. As all tension dissipates, Crozier and Fitzjames descend into hysterical fits of laughter together.

As that laughter subsides, we get a beautiful wee exchange to close the chapter out. "You know what I would give my left bollock for right now?" "What?" "A glass of whiskey. Two glasses, I mean. One for me and one for you. The drinks would be on me, James. I'm standing you to a round." "Thank you, Francis. And I'd lift the first toast to you. I've never had the honour of serving under a better commander or a finer man." Which is just so incredibly lovely! It's reframing a previously very negative and self-destructive thing in Crozier's life in a new positive light. It's no longer something he would do alone to drown his sorrows but something he'd share with others in love and good faith. It's no longer a mechanism for him to endlessly mull over the lifelong disrespect he's received but a mechanism through which he can show respect and have it returned to him in kind. The thing that was previously a symbol of doom for him is suddenly a symbol of hope. And it's then and only then that he adds a final addendum to the Victory Point note: "And start tomorrow, 26th, for Back's Fish River."

[majorxmaggiexboy]

BIG pro of TerrorTurn is the opportunity for (not) DELAWARE DIVE: THE SEQUEL but the BIG cons of TerrorTurn are that while Ben has a proven propensity for Badassery and is an excellent shot in season one, not only does he have a major Despondency tendency which could take root pretty rapidly in this setting, but which could be mitigated by Caleb also being there, he’s also got that uhhhhhhh Bottle Up And Then EXPLODE tendency and that just, you know, delicate sprinkling of Go SLAM OFF On People, Authority Figure Included, When Feeling Pressed.

which uhhhh may not be the best Mix 

Ben Wouldn’t Do Great post cancelled bc i actually just remembered that he’s provably the luckiest pup in the TURN universe as far as multiple situations of Improbable Survival and failing to incur obvious consequences so weighed against the cons he’d land solidly in the top ten, maybe even top five.

[lieutenantmongoose]

Verse Info: Muttongoose (title tba) 

bc i’m too lazy and discombobulated to fic it rn bc it’s a whole slow burn and i’m not patient like that rn, anyway

*Always Sunny Meme/Sets up Dominos* 

(spoilers ahead on the off chance i ever write this and you don’t want to know who takes a tuunbaq to the face or whatever)

It’s jopson, Jopson gets a tuunbaq to the face he’s okay he’s fine it’s a sacrifice that had to happen just hear me out i did the math it was necessary okay listen:

it starts out during Crozier’s Withdrawals. He’s almost through it but we’ve not had the Laudanum talk(tm) yet

Everyone thinks Tuunbaq is dead and the people said Thank U Mr Icemaster Blanky We Love U

Dr Macca is like Aight My Little Penguin Have U Considered,,,,,,Taking A Goddamn Break,,,,,,,and Jopson’s like Ew Why Would I Do Something So Horrible and Dr. Macca is like Lol U Don’t Understand Im Not Asking Im Telling,,,,Babygirl The Dark Circles Are Not Sexy Lmao Take A Nap :) and Jopson is like Ugh Fine Five Minutes and goes the hell outside

Due to a silly situation involving Irving and Little, Jopsauce is out on the ice when Tuunbaq, as one does, shows up 

Thing is when Tuunbaq shows up u only really gotta be faster than like one person and it is Irving’s lucky damn day

Jopson’s actually okay until he decides the most appropriate solution to being nose to nose with the world’s angriest coca cola mascot is to stab it in the face 

Tuunbaq is like U Go For The Face????? Bet

*Man of Constant Sorrow Plays On Xylophone* 

Due to the wonders of medical inaccuracy and some Fitzjames Heroism Jops is actually A-Okay after this

i mean he’s only got one functioning eye and his hearing is janked up for a few weeks but other than that it’s all good and i mean the fact that Crozier has to just about personally threaten to shoot him before he’ll accept any Agonies Mitigation Drugs isn’t ideal but it’s fine he’s fine he’s good it’s all fine

Crozier’s like Aight Jipjop You And I Are In Danger Of Becoming Morbid Let’s Go To Carnivale And Have A Good Time For Once

Nobody Has A Good Time At Carnivale 

Show mostly progresses as normal up until Terror Camp

At which point Tuunbaq to the Face Becomes Relevant bc i mean Crozier DOES still promote our boy to Lieutenant Status and does still give him a gun i mean why wouldn’t you but there’s an Incident and Crozier is like Listen Babygirl I Trust U With My Life And Everyone Else’s But We’re Gonna Let Someone Else Guard Sickfreak McStabbyface 

Which frees Jop up to have a lil run in with Mr Collins and be like 👀

Naturally Jopson is like Oh No oh Absolutely Not We’re Not Playing This Come On Mr Collins I Think You Had Better Let Doctor Goodsir Have A Look At You

Collins is copping hugs left and right he’s very giggly he’s high as a kite he’s like I Haven’t Slept In Two Weeks Lol 

Jopson’s like Dr Goodsir,,,,,,,,,,#Help

Goodsir is like Oh Dear,,,,,,,,,,Alright,,,,,I Gotchu,,,,,There There Mr Collins

Jop and Goodsir team up to help Mr Collins and it’s all very A Lot   

Bc Collins and Jop are both with Goodsir during the #Execution, when Tuunbaq shows up it obviously does not get Collins and also have you ever tried to kidnap a doctor when he’s got a flustered mongoose and a drugged squishmallow in his tent??? It’s not happening bub you might as well give up now

so the mutineers gtfo and Goodsir is still with Team Terror and now he has a new B Plot to be part of while the series progresses otherwise as normal

And the series does progress otherwise as normal except Collins is coming off the drugs and has both Jopson and Goodsir being like Here’s Some Will To Live and Collins Is Catching Feelings So Fast 

My Jop is still Aroace but he’s like Listen Being Needed Is My Drug And I’ve Been Having Withdrawals Of My Own So I AM Going To Be Weirdly Intense About This You Don’t Understand I Would Open My Veins For Captain Crozier He Wouldn’t Even Have To Ask When I Say I Would Do Literally Anything To Help You Sleep I Am So Serious I Am 8000% So Serious Rn What Do You Need Is It Me 

Goodsir and Collins are like Uh,,,,You- You Good Bro? Jop is like Hey Is That A Bird

At some point Tuunbaq shows up again because it’s sick of waiting on this damn ship to sail too and Collins is like Okay I Can Be Weirdly Intense About This Too and Jopson is like Oh. Oh.

and then Goodsir is like, yknow when he walks in on what appears to be the aftermath of a category 80 hurricane,,,,, I’m Super Quiet About It But If You Want To See Weirdly Intense I Mean,,,,, 

*coughs* they reach an Understanding

So naturally when Crozier gets kidnapped and Little is like Well UwU Everyone Says F That Let’s Go UwU Nothing To Be Done I Suppose UwU these three are like Oh Word? Are You Sure About That

yeah 

[amisssunbeam]

When (and Why) Hickey Fell in Love with Gibson

Well, it all started when “Hickey” was a child named EC, possibly Edgar or Edward, probably Edward, and the last name was something common, Clark or Carter or Cooke perhaps, as they are amongst the most familiar surnames in Great Britain today.  (I myself like Cooke as his last name.  See below.)

BTW, there was a time when I was in love with Herman Melville and tried to be very good so I could go to Heaven and escort Herman to all the constant Elvis concerts being held in the serene ethereal.  (This was about the same time I mentioned “Elvis Presley” to my husband who thought I said “Melville’s Presley”, which in turn started that heavenly dream I still live in. Elvis IS Billy Budd.)  Oh, what is my point?  Melville was born in 1819, and so I have decided EC was born in 1820, making him the perfect age to set sail on “Terror” in 1845 (and helps me dope out a time-line for EC’s life).

Was EC abandoned by his mother to a foundling’s home?  I’ve no doubt; I think he lived with her long enough to bond (she a hoe; father unknown), and then she left without a word when he was three and a half years old.   And did the drunk old men and women who ran the home try to give EC any solace?  Of course not.  Plus, meals were served on a very erratic basis, which is why Edward and his analogue David Young never got very big.  But EC thought of his mother often, sometimes with an enormous anger which caused him to befoul his bedding, sometimes with a longing that causes him to dissociate completely.

Now the drunk old men and women who run the home would prefer that little Eddy not be so needy, but they have a solution.  They know a rich man called (let’s say) Captain Autolycus Wilson, who likes very young boys. (Such a cliché.)  The drunk old etcs. ask Captain Wilson if he would like to purchase, uh, sponsor very small Eddy with his big blue eyes and reddish blond hair for a handsome fee. Captain Wilson is without a ward at the time, so he agrees to take care of Eddy, whom he calls Cookie.    The expected things proceed.  Except: Wilson is fond of Cookie, finding him clever and amusing and witty, and Cookie becomes very fond of Captain Wilson, fond to the point of adoration.  The Captain sees to his education with private tutors (the less said about what went on with the tutoring the better: too depressing for words).  But, despite the buggery and sodomy and orgies (many of which take place at the Captain’s private men’s club, The Sons of Phorcys, before interested audiences), Cookie becomes well educated, and something of a dandy too.  These are the gifts Captain Wilson gives him in exchange for his complete oppression and dehumanization.

Okay, we knew it was coming. Cookie begins to show signs of manliness, which means he no longer interests Captain Wheeler.  Captain Wheeler goes back to the foundling’s home and “adopts” a likely little carrot top who is nameless to us.  But, before he kicks Cookie out, Captain Wilson offers him a drink from one of his cut glass, uh, glasses.  Cookie goes completely catatonic.  

Afterwards, with a five-dollar gold piece and the clothes on his back, Cookie finds himself on the streets of Victorian London.

It gets worse and then it gets more worse.  He is Cookie no more.

So he runs with the dog pack.  He steals cheap jewelry and silverware. Steals nice clothes too, so he is always well turned out.  (Speaking of dogs, EC doesn’t like dogs.  Too many high-tone toffs, too many coppers have sicced huge slavering four-legged beasts on him.  Dogs, dogs are shit eaters.)

However, one useful trick he learns from the dog pack is to hang around taverns, especially those catering to sailors who have returned to shore.   He likes to chat with the sailors and hear their magical tales of life on the vast blue sea as he picks their pockets. These stories are why E.C. decides to dab Cornelius Hickey and put him in Regent’s Canal.  

“You’ll be gone how long, Cornelius?”

“At least a year!  And then I’ll be in Hawaii.  Oahu.”  His Irish accent is quite pronounced.

“Aren’t they cannibals who live there?”

“I think they prefer fish.” Both giggle.

“In other words, they’re Catholics!” EC says.

More giggles.   “See, here are my sailing papers!”

“Look, you already got paid!”

“Yes, a handsome sum. Speaking of which, let’s have another drink.”

“Just a small ale for me.”  EC takes a deep breath. “I bet your mam was glad to see your pay!”

“Me, I keep my money. I was a foundling, see.”  

“I lived in an orphan’s home too.”  (EC thinks to himself: I will always live in an orphan’s home.) “So when do you sail?”

 Then there’s a small slice of time and the ex-Cornelius Hickey lies bleeding at the bottom of Regents Canal.

(There’s a great fic which gives more details about this event on A3O: “Skinned Snakes” by @willowbilly)

 There’s not much variety on a ship; sailing and caulking is boring.  So no one should be surprised that the new Cornelius Hickey grouses.  

But one day, he shares a joke with Billy Gibson, and Billy laughs and says, “Now, that one’s worthy of Shakespeare.”

Hickey is pleased and intends to make Billy laugh again.

What was the joke? What is the joke in any office setting? Most office jokes are about those other people in The Office, who get to be more and more “other” as the jokes continue (think of Jim and Pam against Dwight), until Hickey and Billy have their own little two-man Eleusinian mystery cult going on.

They sit together at what serves as the library table and look at picture books together.  Perhaps it’s a book of engraved Biblical illustrations. Hickey points at one and whispers, “Look, Billy, there’s Lieutenant Irving walkin’ on water in his nightshirt!”

Billy gets a bad case of the giggles.  

Weekes is sitting nearby and hears them.  “What’s this, laughin’ at the Holy Scriptures?  Do you want the ship to sink?”  (Weekes is like the Dansker in “Billy Budd”, a quiet type who utters oracular remarks and tries to keep the superstitious young sailors under control.)

Hickey and Billy like to look at maps too, especially maps of the Pacific.  They move to a more secluded place to share their secret dreams. They decide they’ll jump ship in Oahu and live in the sun and sand forever.  

“Bugger the officers, Billy!” Hickey whispers.  “‘Orlop!’ I’ll feckin orlop ye, Irving!”

Hickey’s minor blasphemies appeal to Gibson, who must also feel underappreciated.  

(By the way, Melville was discharged in Maui in 1843 where he worked as, among other things, a pin-setter in a bowling alley before he returned to New York in 1844.)

But more than jokes happen. Billy sews a nice shirt for Hickey and knits him a warm red scarf.  “Look here,” Billy says to the other sailors sitting around.  “Now doesn’t Cornelius look smart!”  They all applaud, somewhat sarcastically, but Hickey is pleased.  

It appears that Hickey can sit in Billy’s little cabinette, I won’t say anytime he wants, but he CAN sit there.  Which is where the friendship goes to the next level.  Again, there isn’t a lot to do on an exploration.  I like to think of Hickey and Billy sitting right beside each other, CURTAIN OPEN, Hickey making his small jokes, perhaps about Mr. Diggle’s bad bread, and then he puts his hand on Billy’s knee.  When they hear someone coming, Hickey rapidly removes his hand.  With this negative evidence, Billy learns what Hickey meant by touching his knee.

The first kiss:  this is as tricky in fan fic as it is in real life. How do you know when to take that first step?  My experience has been that it is “The Man” who kisses first. (Don’t get mad!  Last century, when I was getting kissed, that rule of courtship was ratified in iron.)  

We can imagine that Hickey finds the simple warmth coming from Billy’s frame . . . nice.  Better still, he has no obligation to be (or do) anything to Billy.  He is free with Billy.  One night in May 1847 on Billy’s little cot, the bedtime bells ring (I don’t really know ships work), and Hickey says, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Billy,” and, because it’s been building inside him for several months, he leans over to the seated Billy and kisses his cheek.  Billy looks up in pleased surprise (giving Hickey the same look he gave him when Hickey put Young’s ring on his finger).  

I will now commence to use @starbuck’s excellent timeline to date the next steps of their relationship. “Go for Broke” is September 1846. Eight months later (plenty of time for a courtship) is “The Ladder” which I like to think of as the SEX-isode; by this time Billy and Hickey have become very experienced in their buggery.

So just let me make up some stuff.   In that sexy sexy month October 1846, they get to first base (they make out until their lips are chapped.)  Second base occurs in early November 1846 (running their hands over each other’s quivering but clothed skin).  Late November 1846 brings a firm third base (petting to orgasm: yup, that was a phrase much in use when Mamie Eisenhower and I were college roommates).  And on Christmas Day 1846, HOME RUN is achieved in costumes and crannies as drunken sailors overwhelm the air.  Hickey and Billy are in love!  They run up and down the deck with the snow falling on their pink boyish cheeks. Young, beautiful, in love, just the two in their icy mystery cult.

Uhoh, here comes June 1847 and “The Ladder”.   Now you know goddam well Irving isn’t going down to the orlop deck just to “find” the “caulker’s mate”.  He’s been smoldering over his suspicions for months (he and Hickey exchange stink-eyes all the time at Sunday services).  Finally, Irving gets a double-header: he achieves a major vicarious thrill AND a chance to save souls at the same time!!!!  Still, Hickey and Gibson are busted.

Stuff happens, Silna and Sir John and Tuunbaq, all that arga warga.   Not to mention, Gibson’s nervous conversation with Irving.  Which Hickey sees.  (Notice how I rigged the timeline to make sure Hickey got to see Gibson’s postern “all winter”, i.e. the winter of ’46-’47.)

Hickey is angry, but he never learned how to express anger towards someone he loves.  First he reverts to an infantile state; then it seems he finds a new love: The Captain.

The Captain offers him a drink.  A drink! Who would do that but a devious seducer! Hickey scours his brain.  What do you say to an Irishman?  “Here’s to us Micks!”  OH GOD OH GOD HOW COULD HE BE SO STUPID!  THAT HAS TO BE THE STUPIDEST THING ANYONE HAS EVER SAID TO ANYBODY!!!!! OH GOD! But Crozier’s face doesn’t freeze, doesn’t close down; it’s still open and pink.  EC will remember that.

Now, because I pledge allegiance to @rhavewellyarnbag and all that he stands for, I will also assert that Francis is a three-beer queer.  And if it weren’t for that Bible-beating bastard Irving barging in on them, who knows what would have happened next?

Hickey keeps trying to shine up to the Captain; he brings him a trophy, the guilty Eski girl.  But then there is that unfair cross-examination by Crozier and his big shiny toff buddy.  I have to say, I feel for Hickey in this scene.  He really thought he was being useful to Crozier, and Crozier is completely dismissive. How often have I misunderstood what other people wanted from me! They quarrel, Hickey loses his cool and ends up getting flogged.  Oh, sure, there’s worst things than bein’ lashed, but still . . .

Then there’s the tobacco. Just as you and I would, Hickey uses Occam’s useful razor and sees the tobacco as a love gift from . . . Billy. Billy! Billy the steward with access to supplies!  Billy must still love him!  

Sound the music cues, for here comes the bride!  In the next episode “First Shot a Winner”, Hickey marries Billy.  The reasons for this marriage are numerous (hey!  Just like real life!), but one reason is Billy’s ability to spy on those in command.  

Now, I won’t pretend that Hickey thinks this, but I DO!  Hickey will never never never forgive Crozier and determines to destroy him.  Then he HE Hickey will become King of the Expedition, just like Crozier is now, and Hickey will even have his own super-tall willowy delicate queen at his side.

It doesn’t work out that way, as we know, because nothing ever works out.  Still, Hickey loves Billy to the end, taking Billy’s head in his hands to say good-bye as lovers do.  The stabbing is a favor to the suffering man, and, if the murder turns out to have its useful aspects, well, so be it.  

That’s my story, and, being a Libra, I can be easily persuaded that I’m wrong about everything.

---------------------------------

dedicated to @rhavewellyarnbag, @blazingadam, and @wildcard47

[glass-es-say]

The Fitzjames Sweater: a Terror conspiracy theory

Do you like your meta long and stupid? And full of not-really-mystery about a single item of clothing? Then boy do I have a meta for you; the center of which is James Fitzjames’ sweater—and the identity of its final owner.

(Half meta-analysis, half conspiracy theory, half absolute blithering nonsense under the cut, lads.)

Now, this is a pretty distinctive sweater, especially in an expedition full of grey and navy arans. There are a couple of specific design elements (best outlined in knit-the-terror’s posts) that make it easy to identify The Sweater once it ends up on Le Vesconte: the side cables, the gansey-esque top and bottom, the ribbing patterns on the sleeves. The short neckband also visually distinguishes The Sweater from the cowl-necked white sweater Mr. Collins is wearing (also I think that one gets pretty soundly torn apart when Tuunbaq eviscerates him).

All of this is great and wonderful. However. What I’m most interested in is the cuffs.

These are double-length cuffs in a 1x1 rib with (perhaps anachronistically) a thumbhole knit in. Fitzjames wears the cuffs folded up most of the time, though if you turn up your brightness and squint you can spot that they’re all the way down at the time of poor Morfin’s death.

The garment construction appears to be such that sleeve was worked flat and them seamed into a tube—the thumbhole then just being part of the seam that wasn’t sewn up. (Why you would make a sleeve like this is beyond me—seaming sucks and it would literally be just as easy to add the thumbhole in when knitting in the round, but I suspect it has something to do with how they produced the no-doubt 10+ versions of this sweater they needed for filming.)

So, we’ve established some key characteristics of The Sweater that help us identify it. We’ve determined that it ends up on Le Vesconte after Fitzjames’ death. (Actually, Le Vesconte’s wearing The Sweater + waistcoat when Fitzjames collapses, so presumably James gives it away before then.)  But can we show that anyone else has worn it? (Spoilers: sort of, but also yes.)

The morning after Silna leaves the Inuit village, when Francis is running around trying to figure out which way she went, he’s wearing the above outfit. His left hand is gone at this point, so his sleeve is tied up at the wrist, but there, covering his right hand… is an extra-long white sweater cuff with a thumbhole.

The image quality isn’t great here (the cameraperson decided to focus on the acting instead of a sleeve cuff for some reason) but when you look at all the angles next to each other, the resemblance is pretty obvious. Either there was always another long-cuffed white sweater on the Franklin Expedition that we are never shown, or Francis has at some point picked up The Sweater and is wearing it under his slops.

You can see a sliver of neckband underneath all his other layers in the picture above, just like with James.

Now, my main hurdle in 100% proof that this is The Sweater is, actually, also my most definitive proof: the thumbhole. (My gift and my curse…my blessing and my burden...)

Assuming James hasn’t folded his cuffs to intentionally obfuscate, it’s pretty clear that each sleeve has one—and only one—thumbhole along the inside seam of the sleeve. It’s a logical assumption—I have no clue why you’d put a thumbhole on the outside of the sleeve because, like… that’s not where thumbs are.

By the time Francis is wearing the sweater it’s pretty beat up, so there are a number of noticeable holes in the cuff rather than just the one. (As we see from Le Vesconte’s shot at the beginning of this post, the rest of The Sweater is faring a pretty similar fate. My poor knitter’s heart is weeping.) While some of the holes have a fuzziness around the edges that indicates fraying, there’s still one hole with a cleaner, more finished edge that would indicate its identity as the real, intended thumbhole.

The problem is, it’s on the outside of the sleeve. Crozier appears to be sticking his thumb through another, accidental hole on the opposite side of the cuff. Even if The Sweater was worn inside-out and/or backwards, he shouldn’t be able to wear the thumbhole on the outside—at least, that’s what I thought. Then I tried putting on a sweater with only one hand. (It’s called field research, please don’t judge me.)

Basically, it’s really easy to get a sleeve twisted when you pull on a sweater, especially if it’s made to fit someone with a different physique. Without the opposite hand (or using your teeth, I guess), it’s basically impossible to untwist it, a difficulty that I imagine is compounded if you’ve already hooked your thumb through the cuff in the wrong place. I personally hate the feeling of a twisted sleeve, but Francis has just woken up in an unfamiliar place and honestly at this point in his life he might’ve just shoved the sweater on and called it a day.

Plus, we see the left cuff on Le Vesconte earlier and the thumbhole appears to be on the outside. The sleeves on this sweater are consistently Way Too Long, so it’s possible things just got twisted around whenever an actor would put it on and they left it that way for realism’s sake.

We don’t see Francis in it after the scene in the Inuit village, but like, even if The Sweater was still wearable after another two years, Francis is pretty well covered by his fur parka. (Also… just saying… the emotional implications of a moment where the last remnants of James Fitzjames unravel under his fingertips are uh… pretty juicy.

James has holes in him and so does his sweater.)

So! I think it’s fair to say that, at the very least, the sweater Francis is wearing is supposed to be the Fitzjames Sweater, as shown to the best of my ability (and screencap resolution). I won’t call it “beyond a doubt” but I think it’s a pretty strong foundation—which is good, because here is where my knit-wear based fever dream starts to, uh, unravel.

My initial assumption after realizing Crozier had the white sweater at the Inuit village was that he pulled it off Le Vesconte after Little’s death. (And idea which cannot help but conjure the morbid image of Crozier undressing a body beset by rigor mortis with one hand…. Or asking Silna for help.)

The tangle in this theory is that I went back and looked at the first few “travelling with Silna” scenes, initially for proof that Francis doesn’t pick up The Sweater until the Little Camp—and found the opposite. 

There’s no sign of The Sweater on Francis before the Tuunbaq showdown, but he has somehow acquired The Sweater before finding the body of Le Vesconte. The same identifying features I’m using for the end scene are all there, so. Can’t really deny that. (The best view we get is from the sad dead Jopson hair stroke, which  also dates the timeframe a lot better then an ambiguous “Crozier walking around” screenshot.)

(For what it’s worth, the thumbhole arrangement appears to be done properly this time. Or at least, the hole on the outside of the arm is the frayed “accidental” thumbhole.)

To clarify the timeline:

Fitzjames has The Sweater.

At some point before James collapses, Le Vesconte acquires The Sweater.

Francis is kidnapped by Hickey’s camp. He does not have The Sweater, or at least not visibly.

Le Vesconte (and sweater) leave the sick (including Jopson) behind and head off toward the eventual Little camp.

Tuunbaq showdown. Francis spends some time in recovery.

We can assume that at some point during this bullet point or the next Le Vesconte and buddies die.

Francis and Silna leave the Hickey camp, find the abandoned men and sad dead Jopson. Somehow Francis has acquired The Sweater.

After this, Francis and Silna find the Little camp, presumably including a dead Le Vesconte and The Sweater.

(You could argue that Le Vesconte actually ended up staying with the sick but Francis’ is wearing the sweater when he first sees Jopson so he would have had to have it before finding them.)

(Also, I have suspicions that this figure leaving the sick camp is Le Vesconte.)

So! There is an indication that, at the same point in time, both Crozier and Le Vesconte(‘s body) were wearing a version of The Sweater. If from this point forward we consider the sweater Fitzjames is seen wearing to be the “true sweater” and the extra to be the “double sweater”, then I see four possibilities:

Option One: Francis already had the sweater double.

Points in favor:

This gives the fun image of Crozier and Fitzjames showing up to the expedition on day one and staring horrorstruck at each other like “we wore the same dress!??!!”

You change. No you change! No you change!!!

Points against:

We see Francis in all kinds of informal dress and never see him wearing it. I’m not actually sure we ever see him wearing a sweater, period. Man hates being cozy, I guess.

There is literally no way costume design would have done this. Like, it beggars belief.

Option Two: Someone else (at the Hickey camp) had an eerily similar sweater that Crozier felt justified in taking.

Points in favor:

It doesn’t show up until he and Silna go back to the Hickey camp, so it’s unlikely that he would have gotten it earlier and just been carrying it around without wearing it.

They did seem to just leave all their stuff lying around, so Francis wouldn’t have to pull it off a dead body, which is a lot more palatable.

If the sweater was a standard “baby’s first officer sweater” present, Hodgson could be a candidate for the true owner.

Points against:

“Baby’s first officer sweater” is just like… not a thing the Victorian Royal Navy did. Also, we never see any of them wearing it, so.

Why wouldn’t the owner have worn it to the Tuunbaq showdown? I get that they’re all wandering around in their shirtsleeves but if someone had a sweater that was remotely still wearable, I feel pretty confident in thinking they aren’t just going to leave it lying around.

Option Three: Actually, Le Vesconte’s sweater is the double.

Points in favor:

Obviously Henry and James got them as best friends forever tokens and whenever they notice they’re wearing them at the same time they spend like, two minutes just hugging each other and saying “bro. bro. bro!”

It absolutely infuriates Francis.

This implies that Francis (or possibly a Hickey camp member but uh… unlikely) got ahold of the Fitzjames version after his death. James isn’t wearing it when he collapses (god… think of the blood stains…), so it would have been as easy as packing it up once he’s dead.

Francis is either in slops or in shirtsleeves after this point so if he keeps the cuffs folded up and his slops collar buttoned (which he does) then we might just not have seen it?

Even if we assume Le Vesconte’s sweater is a different one, there’s still pretty strong evidence James wasn’t buried in his sweater—see the above point, and also the fact that it doesn’t later show up on Hickey’s person. That’s a nice sweater, man, even if it’s fraying, and if I were already stealing a dead man’s boots I would’ve taken the sweater too.

Points against:

Le Vesconte is wearing The Sweater when James collapses—Fitzjames, notably, isn’t. (James mentions the heat as a reason why he can’t keep walking, so he might just not have been wearing it?)

God, guys, I don’t know that much about the Victorian knitting industry but the idea of two bros going out and getting matching sweaters seems… implausible at best.

Option Four: Making a TV show is hard and keeping track of all the details is harder and someone just accidentally put Jared in the sweater five minutes of screen time too early and we were past the time for reshoots and just assumed that no one would be neurotic enough to notice this.

Points in favor:

Script supervisor is like, a really hard job and if this is your biggest slip up then honestly? Who even cares.

Points against:

I care. I care very much.

But which option could be the truth? What conclusions have we formed from this tedious trek across the frozen wasteland of HD screencaps? What horrors have we (me, literally just me) wrought in the name of split-second costume design based character choices? Could Crozier have somehow gotten The Sweater from Le Vesconte after Tuunbaq dies but before reaching Little’s camp? Is there another, actually viable explanation for the mystery of the twin sweaters? How many good fics/headcanons could come from any of these options? I don’t know! Please discuss!

(For however much it matters: my personal favorite is Option Four. None of the others seem a terribly plausible story justification, and also I like the emotional weight of Francis picking up the sweater as a memento of JFJ—or the intention of it, even if continuity gets a little screwy.

Also, if no one writes fic about this then I will be forced to and who really wants that?? Write this fic for me and save us all the turmoil.)

(A thousand props to @knit-the-terror for sussing out enough details that I could even make an argument focused around the cuff of a sweater. Please forgive my corrupting your research for a frantic fever dream rant about something that mostly doesn’t matter.)

[mifhortunach]

@thaliatimsh​ - im so sorry!!!! a vague ‘riffing off of (tm)’ what i was saying? (trying to say) last night  - but Mostly// word splurge everywhere :/ - unsure if theres either a/t Clear or!! tbfh a/t of worth here, but yk :T :S !

thaliatimsh said: I thiNK you are RIGHT re: distance n i wonder. … why. Considering distance in gibson bein murdererererd scene… tins of mystery… (like a week previous MAX). I wonder. Why. Im not very good at bein clear anyway im. Fffff.

=> fgksdhfg, idk if youve had the same thought w this as i have, or mabs,, its lead to/from the same thought but like. Hickey’s plan was always probs gonna end/hinge a lil on cannibalism? [‘Lads Gotta Eat! People Made O’ Meat!’; Hickey’s Personal Sledge Hauling Song, 1847.] Ofc they all already know tht the cans are making them Weak & WEird™ .

so im Not getting confused!!! Just #FAx: at some point theyre gonna run out of food With Them, so Options~: 1) take tins proffered by crozier, 2) somehow they manage to find game! 3) boys were made for eating

So assuming tht no ones gonna keel over anytime soon, theyre deffo gonna have to kill /Someone/

Once gibson ‘runs out’ [[ :(( ]], they gotta go back to tins, or they gotta get another Body p much. ppl who CAnt be ate!: Hickey (ofc), Diggle (For Now/, until Armitage gets his HACCP qualifications), Goodsir (butchers are hard to train up, lads might get queezy chopping up their M8s)

Gkdsfhgk, distance as a food preparation method, a book by cornelius (EC) hickey !! - is what im TRYINBG to get to as my point !!! jfc, idek

but idk if thats rly necessarily a v strong (or tbf, Accurate) Take yk? i gotta think it over, & leave this pot boiling someplace else temporarily or smth

=====================

[[i think,, what i meant w/ Deliberateness, as much as i like. ½ tried to articulate it there last night (& now having read over a lil of tht, have v little clue WHat Exactly i was trying to be saying there tbfh), is that Of Fckn Course// hickey is deliberately setting him Apart “DELIBERATE isolation of hodgson during that scene (plate, cutlery, separate space, different /meat/)” like u said!! But i think up Til tht point, its one of those weird cases where its not being Enforced~ as such? [tht might just be my own reading tho? Which are.. while Not ~Notoriously Off-Base? But often taking the ‘’wrong part’’ of a thing as the important element, or just straight up Confused, rip lmao]

Like /Like/. The Hodgester™ has just turned up into a place already filled w dudes who are all a lil asshole-ish & starving! - & enough of them are running from a hierarchy issue, rather than a deep abiding love for EC, i suppose? Uhm - && they all wanna Be There (for want of a better descrip/). So, i was ½ at it thinking(?) abt if it was mayhaps (originally) one of those things where u accidentally(?) isolate yrself from the rest of the group bc u dont wanna bother/intrude/dont feel welcome [The Sk00l Feelingz] & thru that slight gap you end up falling thru the cracks as twere & /Actually/ becoming Set Apart. 

&& like. Idk, on #mutineers side; hes just turned up! Hes Hierarchy!! & yk still,,, Officers/Men Divide~ the line drawn in the 6ft X 4ft ice-cave separating the messdeck & the wardroom ! which despite no longer /Rly/ being in place now, or honestly nearly as much as gone post-walkOut, has gotta be subconsciously embedded ? dunno [tbfh, im word vomiting rly Badly// now - i think u were & Are!! Right abt it, & yr fic Felt Right// abt it!! Which means it may as well be True & Canon & Real, etc: Often Always thinking abt the different ways of saying lieutenant, oof :( ] ]]

maybe what i mean is like; I'm Not Sure! (personally :S ) if it started out Accidentally, Deliberate Banal, or Deliberate Malicious, yk??

&& Whether its been a gradual progression, or happened much more Starkly when they decided to captainnap crozier, or spatchcock chicken gibson & other stuff? dunno

((i gotta [REally Gotta//] rewatch the last couple of eps, so i get the planning/timing etc right in my head? bc idr if the plan to marry tuunbaq was ‘hatched’ pre or post captainnapping, or if they were related At All -> do feel like the hermitage i mentioned going on has gotta be extended just so tht i can think things into #clarity, as well as actually watch the show again before making up shit, lmao)) 

--- thinking abt: 

possibly hodgester’s confession & inability to kill hickey in contrast w fitzy’s confession & offering up of his body? but idk what that IS or MEANS, or if its even THERE [yr talk of him as,, ‘the average mans james fitzjames’ is,, im Lov,, Truly Banger & Deeply Upsetting :( ]

smth poss to be said abt how Much// of what george says/dialogue is abt food & his big monologue is abt cannibalism & transubstantiation yk? Idk [hodgester, location: North Artic Circle, likes: etymology, religious guilt, languages, musical instruments, food & learning abt how its prepared :(( ] other than, yk, Mood, Big Same There Lads

===

To Conclude, yr 100000% right, Magnus Manson Good Boy, Packed The Plates & Forks

[myxcenterxstage]

Meta: Priscilla's Motivation in Survival Mode ... and a whole lotta analysis

Author’s Note: This meta is primarily focused on v: Sail On, but can also reflect her character motivation in other verses.

TLDR; just jump to part 3 for the survival mode motivation stuff. But parts 1 & 2 help it make more impactful sense.

Part 1: A Character Analysis Pre-Franklin Expedition

So, let’s first take a quick look at Priscilla’s “Prologue” - her life growing up under the guardianship of her Uncle Charles Kimbleton.

Priscilla’s personality is slightly different in her verse v: Sail On. SLIGHTLY. She’s still her kind, buoyant and quirky self, but she’s also a lot more badass. She’s not afraid to get her hands dirty and isn’t interested in her debutante ceremony or who she’s going to marry. Nope. In this verse, Priscilla’s free-spirited “Wild Child” side is more prominent with her insatiable sense of wanderlust, wanting nothing more than to indulge her obsession with exploring the world as her Uncle Charles’ second-in-command and record their discoveries as a Natural Historian.

She imagines herself as the heroine of her own story she’s going to write about someday, or at least tag along for a grand adventure with like-minded people until she can accomplish that.

Besides v: Sail On being a great high seas & survival story, I like to think it has an underlying coming of age aspect where Priscilla comes into her own, because, granted, she’s a mess of contradictions.  

She’s afraid of commitment and marriage… but she’s a hopeless romantic.

She’s a bit of a rebel to Victorian stereotypes… but she’s so self-conscience of what others perceive of her even if she claims she doesn’t care.

She’s independent… but is so vulnerable and impressionable and wants to be rescued by a hero that’ll sweep her off her feet.

She knows who she is and what she wants… but keeps seeking validation from others.

She’s insightful and a delight to be around and sometimes wiser beyond her years… but is emotionally immature and has a track record of recklessly foolish & impulsive decisions.

She has the courage to stand up to always do the right thing… but when she’s faced with a challenge she runs away from it.

Do you see where I’m getting at?

(I guess you could leave it as she’s a complex character… or I’m still trying to fully grasp her personality as an OC. I’d love some feedback on these ‘contradictions’!)

Part 2: The Aftermath of Uncle Charles’ Disappearance

So, Uncle Charles. He doesn’t physically appear in this verse per se, but boy does he remain an indirect main character.

No matter where in the world they were, Uncle Charles was Priscilla’s ‘home’. He was her bodyguard, her mentor, her storyteller, her shoulder to cry on, and most importantly her conscience to curb her foolishness as she was still growing up. The Kimbleton family isn’t exactly small, but Charles was by far the most genuine. Charles wasn’t just an uncle - he loved and cherished Pris as though she was his own daughter. (Since Charles was a widower who never remarried, I think that’s why Priscilla maybe even learned to cope with grief in this verse surprisingly well all thanks to him too.)

Uncle Charles was certainly one of the biggest influences in Priscilla’s life, and who encouraged her curiosity and scientific obsessions contrary to other relatives who wanted to repress it in favor of her becoming the stereotypical Victorian house-wife.

Unfortunately, Charles was also someone she lost at all too dependable a time. And it was probably a bigger catastrophe than whatever happened to her parents that brought her into Charles’ custody to begin with. Everything that represented her sense of security was ripped away from her, and she was left with a void she didn’t know how to fill.

Even at the urging of her other relatives, she refused to host - or attend - the funeral held in honor of Charles years after his disappearance. Maybe, just maybe, he would come back. Maybe, even against all odds.

But she didn’t know. What was closure? A part of her didn’t even want to believe he was gone.

And now without him, she became an open target of vulnerability.

This also begins a new, very prominent flaw in Priscilla’s character: her strong sense of denial and running away from her problems given the quickest opportunity. Left to her own devices Priscilla tries to hold on to every good thing her Uncle raised her with, all while struggling to cope with loss and fend off her inevitable foolishness.

{{ Insert Backstory & Priscilla’s Scandal Here }}

Part 3: Franklin Expedition Disaster & Survival ::  From glory... to desperation… to reality.

Okay NOW. Finally to the part we’ve all been waiting for!! THIS is what I had the Eureka for earlier that started this whole meta to begin with!!

So, fast forward to Priscilla running away from scandal and boarding the HMS Terror. She feels she struck gold by being able to follow her dream and her “running away from home” paid off. Fast forward again from the new friendships Priscilla makes and secret crushes and buds of platonic cuteness and everything happy in Baffin Bay etc.

Fast forward again to Priscilla hearing Sir John’s announcement about them sailing straight into the ice pack since they’re so ‘close’. Fast forward again through Priscilla’s impression of Sir John unraveling once they’re stuck in the ice.

At that moment, nothing was more terrifying than the great unknown to Priscilla. She had no place to run.

Parts of her personality she didn’t know existed came out after the ships were stuck in that ice:

Bitterness. Anxiousness. Volatility. Fragility. Restlessness. Fear.

Beneath her thin veneer of mandatory bravery and blind desire to wish things could turn for the better was a mess of emotions she was so desperately trying to suppress. Almost overnight she picked up random nervous habits. Outbursts of skittish laughter, speaking her mind out of place, trivial chatter, zoning out. Sporadic enough to not be of concern, but noticeable to those who knew her well. And all the while she had this gnawing sense of jitteriness to always do something amidst constantly feeling so helpless.

As the tragedy continues, she grows quieter - her radiance dimmer. Her optimism that was fueled by denial slowly comes crashing down into the reality of the frightening dark caverns of her own mind. Writhing in bitterness over Sir John’s hubris that sentenced them all to death, she had begun to realize that she too perhaps had made an impulsively reckless mistake to volunteer herself to begin with.

And once the Tuunbaq attacks begun, she quickly realized they had no place to hide either.

So there was only one option left: she had to fight to survive.

And this, my friends, is when the lioness was awoken. While her struggle between the solace of denial (which still fueled her optimism outside of a genuinely happy moment) was ever-present, and her blind wishful thinking might have helped her to not cripple under from the stress… when backed against the wall of brutal truth she was beginning to realize she had no choice but to unavoidably reckon with herself, which was long overdue. Admit their predicament for what it was, admit her decisions and behavior as a runaway was foolish, admit her feelings of lostness in a cruel world, and admit even though she was not strong enough to face London’s gossip of her she never should have acted so rashly with herself in retaliation. (Let alone other things she may or may not have done on the voyage... to be determined)

But at least in this dead end, she wasn’t doomed to navigating it alone.

After losing her only family, she had gained a new one on this expedition. 129 new family members to be exact, regardless of how well or little she knew them. No matter how many lives she grieved each passing week, she wouldn’t have wanted to trade anything to not know those she especially held dear. And collectively they all shared one supportive notion in common: They needed to survive.

And then, after a burdensome night when she had hit an emotional breaking point and poor medicinal side effects induced a fevered outbreak where she was delusionally mistaking Captain Crozier for her Uncle Charles… the following sober morning she came to an unexpected realization.

Call it the beginnings of madness from the lead poisoning, or her desperation to hold on to whatever threads of hope she possibly could, but a new question of ‘what if?’ became her new obsession:

What if Uncle Charles was in fact still alive? Just like them?

Somewhere, someplace - it felt almost tangibly real to her. The years of disappearing from the face of the earth and civilization - and yet still not dead.

Thus, her own independent motivation to survive against all odds in these Arctic conditions emerged. It fueled the promise she made to her new friends that they’d press on. Ignited the motivation lent her by others. She found a new purpose: not for only herself in the end, but for those who mattered to her. 

And if Charles had the strength to survive wherever he was all this time - then she would do the same. And maybe, just maybe if in these years her Uncle returned home - just like Priscilla knew they could eventually, someday - she would want nothing more than to live so she could run into his loving arms once again.

Come what may, she would march on. She wanted to live. To survive. To love. And most of all, she wanted to make sure her new family would too.

[awellboiledicicle]

I had a The Terror dream that my brain took a hard right turn on part way through, but treated very seriously and idk. under the cut for an amusing dream that was very confusing

i had a dream that somehow i was a sailor on one of the ships in The Terror, and all went as usual till we’d been in the ice about 3 years?

I could speak Inuktitut and was with Goodsir and the others when Silna’s father was shot and i tried to explain we wanted to help and we were so, so so sorry. When Goodsir said we should take him back with us, i helped carry him and kept asking Silna what we should do if he died? Because i knew something was deeply off about this whole situation? 

I talked to her while we went back, and i felt the compelling need to ask her how many things she’d like from the body, how we should treat it and if she’d like him back if something happened? Like i was very intensely gripped with the need to make sure her father and she were taken care of? 

She seemed to appreciate it, and once he’d passed i insisted on taking the last few idols from the body to her--in spite of what the others said while sewing his coat up? And like, i was entirely convinced that we were going to give her a sled or help her carry him out to be buried? And on the way to the other ship to give her the idols, i felt like Shit Was Wrong. Like the world felt like it jerked five feet to the left? And i was suddenly terrified of everything to do with the snow? And i took off in a blind run to the ship and the guy on watch asked if i was drunk, because i tried to scale the snowramp instead of going up? And then he was intensely convinced i’d seen the ‘bear’ and all i could do was say “We need to run, run, now--” They shuffled me below decks and told me i wasn’t to leave till i had the right of it again? But by the time i calmed down, my head had started pounding and it was hard to not yell when someone came to check on me? And Dr. Stanley kept flatly informing me that there was nothing medically wrong and that i needed to perhaps get more fresh air. Because my pulse was, apparently, normal and my fever literally died whenever someone tried to check it? I was given extra watch because it was his opinion that i was trying to get off duty for a while? And like, while i was on watch, so was Hickey and he was trying to be Coniving or at least, trying to not stand there quietly during watch. It was dog watch, super early, and he made the offhand comment that he’d kill for a hot drink? And like, by that time i’d mellowed but everything felt very familiar-but-not? So when he said it i said “Same here” but then had the intense desire to run away? Like not specifically from him, but that end of the ship?  So i made an excuse to move away--”thought i heard something aft”--and then Shit Went Down? Like one of the other men on watch got taken, then it came at me? But i was just holding my shotgun like “fuckfuckfuck” and it paused, then roared at me and lunged onto the man behind me? It absolutely came after me, it just looked... confused? Like it knew something about this that i didn’t, but also that i did? I ended up going through the rigging and it got tangled up, before snapping through and by that point i had made it down below deck to get backup? I think Hickey ~luckily~ hid under a lifeboat. Like it ran off after we all swarmed out but like. I went to Goodsir after everything calmed back down and went “Doctor, i feel strange.” “How so? Did you find something wrong after things calmed? How is that fever?” “It’s not that, and not even the bumps and cuts from.. the creature. It’s that, rather, that i think i feel odd about.” “The creature? That feeling might simple be fear, nothing to be ashamed of.” “Oh, no, i know fear. I understood that. Its... Doctor, i feel like i know that creature.” “Know it?” He put down whatever he was fussing with at that point and looked very confused. “Did you read about it? Was there some legend you heard?” “No, not... not like i’d heard tell of it. It was like i had seen it before. And i don’t mean when it took Gore. I. I feel like i know what it is.”

We talked at length until word came that they’d collected Silna and i went with Goodsir to Terror to see her? Like it was much the same, but it felt off.  By the time we’d lost Sir John and abandoned ship, it really went off the rails.

We all--the entire crew left and silna-- fell through a giant crack that opened in the ice? But instead of just, you know, having to climb out or dying down there, we discovered a giant set of doors? Silna shook her head when asked if she knew what it was? But like i felt compelled to step forward and i said i knew what it was? And i just knew how to open it, but the mechanism was broken so Blanky reccommended we blow it open, and well it worked? And inside it was a bunch of ruins like. Imagine the Dwarven ruins in Skyrim. That was almost literally what we were going through? But it was warm and people were just kinda going “well, this is weird as shit, but it’s warm and there’s water. And like, Crozier insisted i explain what the fuck this place was, because he’d been up here before and this is New.  I just said i didn’t know either, i just felt we should go in a certain direction? And we did, out of sheer “why not?” And like the tunnels were leading south, so we ran with it. Hickey tried to betray us like half way through and i believe i literally killed him via broken machine to the head because nope niope. And like, the tuunbaq was still following us, but it was infinitly better at wandering the halls than us, and there were... things down there. The others called them spirits, and i was just. “these are falmer. brain, why did you do this” and then i realized i had that thought and woke up before i could find out WHERE it was going with this.