#Tumblr is legitimately having a hard time loading all this text

[localguy2]

I did not expect this deep analysis but holy fuck you're right!

Also:

SEASON 5 WHEN THEY TAKE TURNS LEADING IT'S LITERALLY THIS EXACT SCENARIO-

Kai with all due respect was extremely stupid, I get he's probably just really fucking stressed about Lloyd and wants to rescue him, but that stress completely destroyed his ability to make sensible decisions and we saw this with how he almost like- lashes out and gets mad at the others when they suddenly decided to follow Zane because he knows the way to styxx.

We're shown that Kai cannot work well if he's constantly under pressure and especially if he's leading while under pressure, because when you're leading you have to think long term and especially in their situation, because Lloyd is on the line here and they don't know how long it'll take them until they get him back.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, Zane "Ninjago" Julien.

initially, he starts out really good, leading the Ninja to styxx and helping with the job needed to get money for Ronin, but eventually something goes wrong and it just happens to be his voice box malfunctioning, granted you could attribute Zane's failure as a leader to ironically enough, Kai. (because he raised Ronin's price and also hit Zane with the crane, which AGAIN, PROVES THAT KAI SUCKS AT LEADING LMAO).

And the 2nd example is probably SoG with the whole snake jaguar thing and how he essentially threw Cole under the bus, heck in the next episode "Snake Jaguar" you could literally see Zane sorta struggling with the whole riding with the SoG thing and maintaining the hidden persona, so much is going on all at once and he's yet again like Kai in Season 5, under pressure, a different kind this time but pressure nonetheless.

And that ends up him at the bottom of the canyon.

And that's why they just work together so well.

Kai is Zane's sense of direction in a difficult and chaotic and constantly changing situation/environment, he helps guide Zane throw the chaos because that's just how he grew up, he knows how to think on the fly and how to work well with what you have on your hands.

On the contrary:

Zane is Kai's compass of normality and calm in an ever changing and dangerous world, Zane is the only one capable of helping Kai ground himself in reality, because even for Kai, the constantly changing environment takes its toll on his overthinking brain, but Zane's there to help just slow down and relax, to sort of De-stress his brain and help him calm down.

And these attribute about then are only amplified by 10 when you consider what type of people they are.

Selfless, caring people who only want to see their friends and family happy and safe, because that's the mentality they grew up, a mentality of "Protect those close to you at ALL costs.", a mentality quite literally engraved into them from a young age.

And I feel like once they realised that about each other, they suddenly started working together a lot better, because now, they for a FACT know that there's someone else besides them that cares this much about the others.

Finding comfort in relatability is probably one of their strongest suits, and it's one of the reasons they just work so well together, because aside covering each other's weaknesses, they also amplify each other's strengths.

Kai knows who to go and talk to if he ever gets overwhelmed by his constantly changing and dangerous life.

And Zane knows who to go and talk to if he ever feels lost and stressed by his constantly changing and dangerous life.

They lift each other up in times of need, for fucks sake they're brothers at this point, not by blood, but bond.

A bond that exists because they choose to care this much about the others, a bond that exists because they need each other, and a bond that exists because the others also need them.

I find it highly amusing how in situations where the ninja are separated/it's just the OG four, Kai and Zane immediately assume control/start spearheading the team because apparently no one else is sane enough or in the right mind to do so.

Your honour, they literally have one of the best dynamics in the show, with how they're probably the most protective people in the team. And it makes me mad how this is overlooked by the fandom and the show.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Hi there, and thanks for giving me a lifetime of validation and confidence in my neurotype to keep pushing through it all.

I'm a writer. I always have been. I love writing, and it's the only thing I consider myself to be legitimately good at. Linguistics is one of my special interests. I love the flow of a grammatically correct English sentence.

Anyway, I have major executive function issues. Specifically with starting tasks. So I already find it hard to sit down and write. But I find it even harder to continue the progress I make in anything. After enough minimal effort, my brain decides it hates this activity and everything related to it, and inside a single hour I'll go from obsessing over a creative task to being indifferent or repulsed by it. But the *feeling* of knowing I had just been so passionate about it a second ago remains. I end up putting myself into a depressive episode every time I try to be creative in any regard.

I've played D&D with my friend group for years, and I've wanted to run my own campaign for a while. But not only does my inability to start completely destroy my progress in worldbuilding and planning, but I can't organize my thoughts at all. I've tried mindmapping and charting and notebooks and binders. When I'm trying to organize my campaign in any way, I revert into this dramatically incapable person. My brain just instantly fogs and clouds, and I don't know how to visually plot my system and lore that helps me in any actual way. But I *love* worldbuilding with a passion. Even when I don't want to engage in it, I am still absolutely fascinated at creating a world from my own brain. Especially one my friends can play in. Yet in this moment, I can't mentally be bothered to do any of it, and I'm subsequently depressed.

I never saw myself ADHD since I aligned with autism so intensely. I still don't find myself relating to ADHD very often. It's also hard enough for me to accept I'm autistic because I feel like an imposter every other hour. My question for you is, how do I overcome this? How do I overcome myself? How can I enjoy an activity I literally love, and continue to enjoy it? These are loaded questions, and of course you'd have to know me personally to answer this the right way. But I just want to know if there's anything I can do about myself. How do I ignite a flame in myself that doesn't burn out in 10 minutes? Moreover, are there any tools available online that help autistic or ADHD or just neurodivergent people focus, plot, plan, and organize in a very visual way? My latest attempt was to find an AI assistant that I can verbally speak with or text, who would do the plotting for me, and ask the questions for me, and I'd just insert my thoughts and ideas. I can't find what I'm looking for. It all feels so hopeless. I can't even amount to a personal desire. I feel this has to do more with depression than anything else, but I'm new to the neurodivergent community at large, as I've mostly dealt with my struggles on my own accord, and learned through books. Maybe there's a billion tools and strategies I've never heard of before. My mind was blown 80 trillion times since downloading Tumblr regarding my mental health, so it's worth asking a profound community member like yourself.

Sorry for the essay, I'm incapable of shortening my thoughts. If I don't type it all out the way I see it in my head, it'll be an itch I can't scratch for the rest of the day. If you do have any advice or recommendations, I would be so grateful. But I'm grateful for your engagement with the community already. You're just awesome.

Thanks for the empowerment and understanding you give me every time I open this app. You're changing people's lives, and that's real.

Cheers ❤️

Hi there,

This was somewhat hard to digest, but I’ll do my best to help.

I couldn’t find much. But I did find one article that lists some ways that might help with executive dysfunction and writing. This excerpt is going to be long, so I apologize in advance:

Executive dysfunction is a term used to describe weaknesses in the cognitive process that organizes thoughts and activities, prioritizes tasks, manages time efficiently, and makes decisions. It’s common in certain disorders, such as Depression, ADHD, and autism. Executive function skills are used to establish structures and strategies and to determine the actions required to move a project forward. So for those of us who struggle with executive dysfunction, dedicating ourselves to a project could get quite overwhelming. Here are some little tips and tricks I’ve compiled throughout my experience.

How to start:

Task initiation is one of the biggest struggles when dealing with executive dysfunction. This is especially hard with writing, since you need time to muster the energy needed to jump into your story. Here are some tips:

1. Start a 1-3 minute timer and force yourself to write something, anything, before it ends. The words that come out don’t matter. You can just write, “I don’t know.” The point is to force yourself into the writing zone.

2. Leave bread crumbs for yourself at the end of each writing session to make picking up where you left off easier. For example, stop in the middle of a sentence or thought, so the next time you write you won’t have to tackle something completely new.  You just have to finish that incomplete thought and continue from there. You could also leave some notes about what happens next, cutting down thinking time in your next session.

3. Try free writing. This is a great way to get those creative juices flowing with minimal effort. Free writing alleviates the pressure of writing something good. Spend a few minutes writing about anything, like your day or a frustrated ramble about your story. It’s like a warm up before your writing session.

How to keep going:

So you’ve started your writing session. How do you keep writing? Most importantly, how do you keep working on your project?  When struggling with executive dysfunction, the regular “set a schedule” approach doesn’t tend to work.

1. Scale down your goal if your big, overarching goal for your project is overwhelming. Try changing your goal to something more manageable and short term. For example, try writing 500 words a day. This might make it less likely for you to lose steam half way through.

2. Try writing sprints if daily goals aren’t working. Instead of hitting a certain word count, you’re setting a timer and writing for its entire duration

3. Don’t feel bad for needing external motivation. Will promising yourself a pizza after you hit your goal motivate you to write? By all means, do so. Maybe you just need a friend to ask you if you’ve written at the end of the day. Find out what motivates you.

4. Find a writing buddy. This can be someone who can sit down and write at the same time to hold you accountable. Or it can be a critique partner that expects you to turn in something by a certain deadline.

5. Try something new. This is one of the best ways to combat how constraining and overwhelming your writing might feel. It’s okay to lose interest in your project for awhile and try something new. Unless you’re racing to meet a deadline, you have no obligation to keep working on a project that isn’t working for you. Setting a project aside doesn’t mean giving up on it. You might only need some time away from it before you are able to finish it.

Trying something new could also mean changing where or how you write. Usually write at home? Try a coffee shop. Do you usually type? Try hand writing. It might or might not work for you. But change could be quite refreshing for your mind.

6. Write whenever you can. Sometimes the urge to write comes while you’re waiting for lunch to heat up, or right before you go to bed. Motivation can be hard to find with executive dysfunction, and designated writing times don’t always work. Have something on hand you can easily pull out to write with to take advantage of these moments. Jotting down a hundred words as you’re waiting for dinner to cool might not seem like much, but it’s still words contributed to your word count.

Some of these tips might work for you. Some might not. Writing successfully is mostly about finding what works and running with it. These are things I found helpful when I embarked on my first novel and I hope it would at least give you some ideas.

The link to the full article will be below:

If that doesn’t help, I did find this Reddit thread that might have some helpful tips.

Reddit Post

I’m sorry that I couldn’t find anyone else or anything visual. Many sources focused on younger children. So it hard to find resources for older teens and adults.

Maybe some of my followers can give some tips/advice?

If you’d like, we can talk personally so I can try to help. I have an associates degree in English if that means anything. Lol.

Anyway, thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ❤️

[debtstrokes-blog]

WHAT IF

                   t  u  m  b  l  r    r  p            aesthetic

                        BUT

                                                        too

              much

Hi. My name is Eli, and I’m here to make a rant about accessibility & tumblr rp trends.

I have been role playing on tumblr since 2010. Almost a 10 years. And I’ve watched many trends in role playing come and go. There was a time when all threads had titles, and tag tracking was simplistic and single worded. When everyone used missing e instead of X-Kit, and gif dumps were all the rage. 

There was a time when the ideal profile theme was easy to read, easy to navigate, and focused on making sure everyone and anyone who came to your profile would have no trouble viewing your content. 

As we’ve grown as a community, I’ve watched the need for us to be hyper accessible to attract other role players decline steadily. The switch from gifs to 100x100 icons was definitely a welcome change, as was the common trend of shrinking text. It made dashboards tidier, easier to scroll through, and load times for those of us with slow internet was better. 

But the trends didn’t stop there. 

I’m going to preface what comes next with I am not telling you how to run your blog. I am not saying you’re an inherently bad person for doing any of the things I’m about to talk about. I’m not saying you should change your style because anyone tells you too. 

This is me ranting about my experience as a person with visual processing issues, and how the changes in tumblr rp from accessibility to aesthetic have made role playing on tumblr difficult. 

1. Minimalism

The first major trend in aesthetic that started showing up after I took a six month hiatus a few years ago, was the minimalist profile. Spartan profiles with exceptionally tiny text with incredibly low contrast. I was looking for blogs to follow, and found that I had to highlight, copy, and paste profile information into a google doc or text file just to be able to read them. It became taxing and tiring, and I felt like the odd man out for maintaining my large, well contrasted profiles. I was still trying to rock a 14pt font and colors that didn’t induce eye strain, both for myself and anyone else who was coming to view my blog, but I noticed that people were less and less willing to interact with me. So I changed things up and adopted that minimalist style for my profiles and lo and behold... People started talking to me. I had to give up my ability to easily navigate my own rp blog in order to legitimize myself among the new playing field. I tried to maintain this for a long time, but after a while I had to stop giving a shit just so I could enjoy myself again. 

Even still, it’s hard not to feel slightly ostracized because I don’t have a tiny container profile with itty bitty text. I don’t understand why style over accessibility became such a trend. Why not both? Both used to be the norm. 

2. Hyper-Stylized Posts

FUCK. I can’t. I caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan’t. With the varying text sizes from ultra tiny to full blown header sized in bold, with the ridiculous spacing between every single letter. This E.E. Cummings style, everything is varying sizes of text with no capitalization and insane amounts of purple prose feels like it’s just hiding a lack of goddamn substance. It makes me so frustrated because I will read a post. Then I’ll re-read that same post. And then re-read it again and I feel like a fucking walnut because I cannot for the life of me decipher what the hell is going on. I can’t comprehend these posts. And I know that I have visual processing issues, but my reading comprehension isn’t THIS BAD.

I want to play with people, and yanno, there are amounts of post stylizing that are still readable, like, bolding the first few words, doing a smaller text size but not the ultra tiny text sizes, using special quotations for your speech. Hell, I don’t even mind if you don’t capitalize anything. That’s all still readable, but this shit has gone way too far with some people. People who stylize so heavily that there are spaces between every single letter of your post, the text is so itty bitty I have to page zoom (which by the way makes the spaces between your letters even farther apart) to read it. I just want an UNFUCK button for these posts. 

Why? Why is the way something looks more important to you than the ability to read it for your partner? You spend all this time, meticulously formatting a post and make your writing entirely inaccessible to people with any kind of visual processing issues. 

3. Requiring post formatting of your partners 

Honestly? HONESTLY??? 

Fuck you.

I have read more than one profile (after having to zoom forever or copy and paste elsewhere just to read it) only to have to click away in disgust when I see “If you don’t do some kind of post formatting I probably won’t play with you because it screws up the uniformity of my blog” and I’ve even seen people go so far as to claim “I have OCD so I can’t handle it”. 

I have been living with OCD for 15 years, and boy lemme tell ya. Shilling your aesthetic on the backs of those with crippling mental illness is disgusting. I’m tired of it. I know there really are people on this site with OCD who do struggle with visual processing in different ways than I do, but I am pressing X to doubt everyone claiming it to justify their exclusion of anyone who doesn’t aesthetic post format actually has OCD.

Final Thoughts:

I just hate that we’ve reached a point where the look of our posts and our profiles matters more than the content and the accessibility of that content. At the end of the day, this fleeting moment of intense rage at the steady decline of accessibility in role playing on tumblr and the increase of stylized elitism will be behind me not long after I post this. Sometimes, I just need to get thoughts out of my system.

Ultimately, this rant may lose me followers, it may even lose me partners. If I’m following you, and you do aesthetic blogging, it’s likely because it’s not so extreme that I can’t read it. This post is not about you.

This post is addressing what if tumblr rp aesthetic BUT TOO MUCH.

Expending all this effort to make things “look pretty” only to alienate people, and make people with visual processing issues, or reading comprehension issues feel frustrated, is just harmful to the community. This culture has driven away some of my favorite writing partners over the years. They don’t want to be on tumblr anymore because the aesthetic over accessibility, style over substance rp culture has made this place completely unusable to them. 

So yeah. What if tumblr rp aesthetic, but too much?

[subdivisi0ns]

tagged by the lovely @britneyshakespeare to answer these 10 questions & come up with 10 of my own. thank you !! 💗

psa i wrote way too much please don’t read this. just skip to the questions at the end if i tagged you

1. What are 3 songs that mean something to you, and what do they mean?

that’s hard because i don’t usually find personal meanings in songs. i’m a lot more interested in what the song means to the artist who wrote it. but let’s see if i can think of some

-um. after all by david bowie was always Highly Relatable. like. prattling on & on waxing philosophical only to suddenly realize everything i said is wrong and don’t hate me and also now i’m having an existential crisis and i shouldn’t have started talking in the first place? M e

-when i was first getting into rush i was a big fan of Self Isolating To Cope and also i had no friends and was proud of it (bc if i couldn’t find a way to take pride in my [perceivedly] unchangeable flaws my entire self image would come crashing to the ground and that just wasn’t a good time . anyway). so the lines “nothing can survive in a vacuum / no one can exist all alone” from turn the page pissed me off. but now! now i have loads of friends and i feel legitimately cared about and i feel like i can comfortably reciprocate that and now when i hear that song i think you know what neil? you’re goddamn right.

-uh i s’pose i relate to another brick in the wall pt 3 which is not a good thing but. i dunno i really love being angrily in denial of needing any help whatsoever along to this song. it’s my flaw-pride anthem (don’t worry i don’t take it literally. it’s just fun in the moment)

-shit i know this said three but the one person who i relate to EVERY FUCKING SONG he’s ever put out is bill wurtz. never have i felt so understood than when i listen to bill wurtz’s music. god it’s the most uncanny feeling, i really really understand it a lot

ok i have to stop thinking of more . turns out a lot have meaning to me ive spent like an hour on this question alone Moving On

2. What’s your ideal self like?

. this was The Worst question to ask me because i can and will ramble on for hours given the opportunity

well i’d be able to execute my ideas, for one. instead of just having a half-baked - quarter-baked - fleeting concept with no real idea of how to achieve it. more specifically i want to be able to write songs. more more specifically i want to be able to write the music aspect of songs. i can’t do it. i dont fuckin know why i just can’t. but if i could i think i just might be content with life.

but that doesn’t mean there aren’t still things to improve. i wish i was funnier. i like my weird brand of humor/abstractity online but that’s hard to replicate in real life. i wish i was better at thinking on the spot. i wish my memory didn’t only retain stuff when it feels like it. i wish i was better at putting my thoughts into words, more concisely and accurately and effectively.

um i wish i didnt have executive function issues. like i wanna just do stuff and not have it take all the energy out of me. wish i had the energy to do it to begin with. wish i could keep up with socializing and not ignore people for hours/days because i can’t get myself to maintain conversation.

ok clearly this is leading down an endless tunnel of what i’d change so . i’ll just say my ideal self is a successful musician with a good social life but also an element of mystery and intrigue. my ideal self is just david bowie

3. Who, of all your family members (immediate or extended), do you think has had the most influence on you, for better or for worse?

my mom for a lot (a looooooot) of reasons but if i go into it this is gonna push it over the line from a tag game into a therapy session (if i havent crossed that line already)

4. What’s your main outlet of expression?

writing. journalling. fuckin , social media. actually yeah that more than anything. my Self is on display here if you look at my tumblr(s) my twitter(s) and my instagram(s) you’ve got a pretty goddamn decent picture of who i am

5. What was the first album you ever bought for yourself?

uh i mean i listen to most stuff off of youtube if i don’t already have it so like,,? i dunno. does itunes count? the first vinyl i ever got was wish you were here (for forty fuckin bucks god) but i paid with my aunt’s money so does that even count. i don’t know.

6. Do you like to go shopping?

depends on a lot of things. lately i’ve been in the mood to just get out of the damn house whenever possible (love being a high school dropout !) so the answer is pretty much yes anytime. but it really depends.

7. Kind of cliche but, if you could have dinner with any person, living or dead, who would you pick?

i wanna be the fourth person at the dinner with rush table. just to observe. i’d be terrified to actually have a conversation with any of my idols. okay but if i had to get over that fear i guess i’d pick..... bowie? todd? i don’t know this is hard. alex lifeson circa 197something so he can take me back to his place afterwards you pickin up what im puttin down

8. What TV show do you watch when you’re feeling stressed or low and you need a quick feel-better fix?

i don’t watch tv like ever not even in this case but i guess full house

9. What was the last intriguing conversation you had about?

everything my girlfriend said to me today (edit: yesterday but i did this last night) was great everything my girlfriend’s ever said to me was great

oh that didn’t answer the question at all i just realized. uh they were telling me about the star wars prequels (which i have not seen) and earlier we were having a very analytical conversation about a particularly interesting rush photo

also me & @swanky-trash were discussing our plans to take down trump and all the rest of those bastards while wearing jareth from labyrinth costumes and eating mushrooms. because it’s our destiny as clones separated at birth. yknow just life stuff

10. What’s something about yourself that you don’t think comes across as painfully obvious online, but is, in fact, in person?

shit are we at the end already? damn. i was enjoying this (can you tell).

okay here’s another one i could go on for 12 years about. but uh. i probably come across as way more perky irl? like my voice is all high pitched and i talk really fast and smile and laugh at everything and i have a whatever the opposite of monotone is voice. i don’t like that. i try to combat it online with the all-lowercase typing and shortening of words and omission of punctuation and that sort of thing. i think it’s worked. also i may be terrible at typing but i am WAY worse at speaking. i’m scatterbrained as hell and if i seem at all interesting or witty online that all goes to shit irl. also i can’t fucking talk to people who i only know in person? it just doesn’t work. thank god i have you guys

haaaa okay sorry for the rambling here are the questions

1. what’s the best day/one of the best days you’ve ever had?

2. how important is your social media presence to you?

3. what achievement are you proudest of?

4. describe your sense of humor.

5. is there anything you’re good at or like to do that people who don’t know you well probably wouldn’t expect?

6. what’s your most interesting family story?

7. favorite color palette?

8. what’s something that would be very “out of character” for you to do?

9. yknow that thing on twitter that’s like “pick 1 & rt for good luck” and the options are good grades, meet your idol, money, or crush texts you? which one would/did you pick and why?

10. what’s a song you either wish you’d written or feel like you could’ve written?

i tag @thetemplesofrush @thumbnailoak3 @swanky-trash @lavender-layne @realalexlifeson @davies-jones @goallines-and-musicrhymes @fruitthemed @graveyarding @cosmikdebris99 and anyone else who wants to do it and dont feel pressured to do it etc etc god i hope none of you actually read this whole thing i am so sorry

[diana-panda]

wow I can’t even remember the last time I logged onto Tumblr. This place used to be my life, I even had to reset my password to log back on here. i’m amazed that I still have followers. looking at things I used to blog about is so bittersweet, I legitimately feel the things I felt back in the days. shit was really changed since then. been broken over and over and having to grow bigger and bigger. I decided every few years I'll make a  post, a lil update of my life so I can  continue to self reflect on the shit I wanna change. considering I know absolutely none of my followers, this is the perf place for me to just unload a bunch sack load of shit. covid was crazy this year, survived that shit and realize all those years smoking have really fucked my lungs up. today I got another call from Dahni, who I still consider as my best friend forever. one day when we both got our shit together and both thinking straight again, I know we’ll be able to be friends like we used to. I never pick up to phone numbers I don’t know but every fuckin time I randomly choose to pick up to a rando number - it’s Dahni. this is the 5th time she has called me from a mental hospital. it’s crazy, never thought my life would have be me working in a mental hospital and her coming in and out of one. after all these years, you’ve probs haven’t seen her in 3 years - but she has never ever forgot your phone number, even when she has completely lost her mind. she literally doesn't make sense when she talks. at the beginning, you sometimes understood the shit she said and understood what she meant and felt because you were that fuckin close to losing your whole damn mind before you decided to get sober. still so proud of you choosing to be sober, even after probation, even after drug tests. Dahni still remembers your literal exact address. she said she’s been sending you letters for the past 2-3 years but you haven’t seen shit, especially because you moved to Milwaukee this year. you texted daddy but he said he ain’t seen shit, probs lying, he would hide this shit from you. he always hated her but he doesn’t understand that it was actually you who got her into drugs in the first place. I pray all the time Dahni has completely lost herself or she’ll be able to return to herself again, I miss having my best friend around. after the call, you looked at oldddd ass pics like 2015 shit, yall were the craziest - up and just went to alberqueque, breaking into hotels and creating body slides out of tables and chairs in the ballroom, tripping at the trail of lights and deciding to just walk towards the Austin skyline, there were so many pics I don’t even know where we’re at. I miss that life with you dude, not giving two shits about anything and doing whatever we could to just live life. you were the one person I connect with in such a weird way. anyway 2020 was the year I had to finally grow up, and I can’t be more proud. the reason I got sober was because I was drugged then gang raped in 2016, but I have finally accepted that it happened and I am finally moving past it. your ptsd and anxiety was debilitating. months of therapy with no progress, Janet your psychologist thought the best option was drugs to calm you down but you refused, mommy had to move down to San Antonio with you, you got daddy to install security cameras around the house, you went to 3 different police stations and 2 different apple stores because you thought you were being tracked, a panic attack literally every fuckin day, you got your first gun - but damn shit has changed. I think when you got rogue, that was the start of your life changing around. you used to walk her literally only on your street but now you can walk her for hours anywhere. you got control of your own life again. texas sunshines helped you tremendously, you met a few life long friends - even though you made some besties but ended up losing them - either way, they helped you return back to your old self, the free spirit and careless golden wild beautiful soul you had. exposure therapy - that shit works. going to 6th every weekend, even a couple times a weekend helped you a lot. you had only a couple freak outs where you let your anxiety take over you but there was progress. you have grown so much the past 4 years, it’s honestly mind blowing because you used to be at rock bottom. you legit lost your mind at one point, legit rock bottom, even hearing voices and seeing shit, Janet said drug induced psychosis - but your resiliency and strong heart and soul helped you, with the help of god of course. you were in such a dark place but getting through that helped you be where you are now. but none of this could've happened without the help of your parents - they taught you the definition of unconditional love. maybe that’s why Dahni is still battling this love and hate relationship with drugs - she doesn’t have this support system like you. your parents never gave up on you dude, like how am I ever gonna repay them, because if it wasn’t for them - I'd literally be dead long ago. you still have only told a few of your close friends. Dahni and Mikayla a year after it happened. kiara, erin, and Gracie 3 years after it happened. maybe that’s all that ever has to know. this shit don’t define your life anymore girl. it sucked but you have let that shit take enough of your life. no more living in the past. you live and you learn. stop thinking of ways how you’ll somehow find these fuckers and make them pay, they’ll get what’s coming to them. I used to pray everyday these fuckers got killed and died a horrible and painful death but you’re letting them win every time you waste a second thinking about them. just be thankful you got out of that shit alive. you have this deep rooted reputation of a party girl. but never forget, daddy defended you when yall had guests over once - “yes she parties a lot, but she also studies hard too.” you’re legit a UT grad, you got into grad school - which you are killing. you’ve never been a straight A student but now you are in grad school whaaat. but you know if you studied this much and this hard during UT - you would’ve had a higher gpa, but no regrets. ever!! my time at UT was truly a blessing - it was the best time and worst time ever. that was boot camp training you to be resilient. you used to think you were being punished for having to move to Milwaukee for grad school but that was the biggest blessing in disguise. Jim howard was right, even if I did get accepted into UT’s msn program - I shouldn’t go or stay anywhere near Austin, I have too many distractions here, I would’ve failed out immediately - I need to start thinking like a healthcare provider, people’s literal lives will be in your hands. you can’t kill no one dude, losing your license will actually be the end of yo life and all this school and bullshit would’ve been for nothing. Milwaukee was rough at the beginning but you’ve grown to fall in love and appreciate its true beauty. you needed a break from Austin, it’ll always be your endgame and it aint going anywhere. you got to start over, start fresh, grow up, it was exactly what you needed. Milwaukee was the place where you defeated your ptsd, your annoying anxiety - I mean yeah sometimes you do psych yourself out but you have made the craziest progress, even Janet is so surprised and proud of you! you fuckin live alone and do a damn good job of it. but it wouldn’t have happened without Lola. rogue saved you 4 years ago and now Lola has saved you. they are both fuckin wild and misbehaving, but I am sooooo thankful I have them in my life. god put the most perfect dogs into my life, they helped you be where you’re at today. you even made a fuckin solo trip with just you and Lola from Milwaukee to Austin, stayed in Memphis with just yall 2 and literally no panic attacks. never thought that would have ever been possible. lol having your gun around definitely helps. this year you realized that you used to be fat, how come no one told you omg. but that doesn’t matter because you have finally reached the weight you had on your vision board that you made in high school - 105. you got home from grad school and literally every single fuckin person in your life has said you lost so much weight - girl you didn’t even know it, you don’t got a scale in Milwaukee. but looking at past pics, holy shit girl you lost weight. you still got some to go but good job dude - don’t ever let yourself get that bad again. your new goal is to be 100, then you can stop stressing. lol you’ve been trying to lose weight literally since high school, and all it took was grad school and being depressed AFFFFFFFFF to lose 20 fuckin pounds! with the help of addy too. yeah you were depressed, started in the 2nd semester of grad school and was at its worse at in the 3rd semester. but you yourself, and Lola of course, pulled yourself out of that. you walked to the beach, appreciate the scenery, focus on the sound waves - learn to love life again. you’ve changed so much dude, I feel like you’ve finally lost all of your old self now. quarantining for covid made you finally truly clean your room and rearrange it. took the biggest cleanse of your life, and damn it was a struggle because you the biggest hoarder out here. you found your old pieces, crazy how you still got them, you found old pills, even weed - proud of you for throwing everything away finally, and real quick. because you did think about smoking some and pop a pill or two - what’s the worst thing that can happen right. bitch you know what can happen, normal people can do that but you have forever fucked your mind up, like physically and biologically fucked up your brain. the way drugs works on your brain and Dahni’s brain only has a dark side to it - drug induced psychosis - every time, no matter what or when or how long it’s been, you have forever fucked that up. yall dropped the ball on that shit, yall did it too much, esp the mind altering shit and will never be able to enjoy drugs again - but that’s okay. you don’t need that shit. okay for guys, fuckin listen to me here girl. we ain’t going into zayne or Terren - yo first 2 boyfriends was just dipping yo feet in the waters for dating. you already know what you learned from them. you know what you want and don’t you ever fuckin settle.”life is a mess when you settle for less.” I loved Arin, and I'll always love him. your dumbass almost married him but why, knowing he does not meet half yo standards. from Arin, you learned you want someone that treats you like a princess like he did, he always showed you off, he put you on a pedestal, you were legit his everything - you want someone that does that, where you are their everything. but you don’t want someone who gets angry like that, who lets problems get bigger and bigger til they explode - shit needs to be fixed immediately, if your their everything - shouldn’t they do everything in their power to make sure it stays like that. from josh, you learned you want someone who you can be your goofy self and have fun and literally laugh all the damn time with you - it was such a fun time with josh, yall really did have this amazing connection. he truly loved you and honestly truly loved you. I loved josh, and I'll always love him too. he was the first relationship you had after getting raped, and he showed you how to trust men again. these 2 dudes lacked goals and had different visions for the future from you. you’re such a goal oriented and family oriented person - they were not. you worked hard to get to where you are today, and continue to drop the guys and the people who will get in the way of your goals. friends too - if they ain’t with you, drop em. in the end, it’s your family who will always be there for you. lol you truly treat guys like shit dude and everyone knows it, you don’t even feel bad about it, maybe it’s from being raped, maybe it’s from that ginormous wall you’ve built, or maybe you’re just that afraid of getting hurt, but that’s okay, you can keep doing that, it’ll get rid of the weak ones - what you can’t do is treat the good ones like shit, like tai. you never expected to find a dude so different, but maybe that’s what you need. he’s the exact opposite of the typical guys you usually go for - a fuckin gamer, not 6 feet, lol even asian. you didn’t date tai but yall definitely had something for 6 months. he has never done drugs and doesn’t want to even try drugs - I didn’t know that was maybe something I needed in a guy. from tai, you learned that you do want someone who went to college, grad school is even better, super caring about you. at one point you did think he was going to be the one - he speaks Vietnamese, he’s in pharmacy school, he can game with your brother. he may seem perfect but you learned a lot of shit you don’t want in someone. you’re not on social media a lot anymore, other than snapchat. you even had insta deleted for months - then when school ended for winter break, it took you awhile to download insta again, but when you did, you made one post and never got on it again. tai is super in the social media world, and you don’t want that. you’re starting to be someone who really lives in the moment, the shit happening right in front of you matters to you more, you don’t want someone super into the social media world. he doesn’t treat you like you’re a priority to him, he actually makes it clear that he actually doesn’t give two shits about you - so why you allowing yourself putting any efforts into that. the second he’s upset, he’ll drag that shit out and won’t try to fix shit at all - you need someone who will fix shit right then and there so yall don’t go to sleep at night angry, you need someone who will fight and continue fighting for you no matter what. he doesn’t apologize for shit and when he does, there is always an excuse - you need someone who owns up to shit and apologizes sincerely. you deserve someone who truly cares about you and is committed to you, they need to do anything in their power to keep you and show you love you and not give up on you. you did not get gang raped to settle down for someone who doesn’t make you feel loved. you did not graduate from UT and get into grad school for someone who causes you mental stress and make you unhappy. you did not grow into this strong, independent, brilliant ass woman to date someone who makes you question your worth. you deserve someone who continuously challenges you to be your best self and make you feel beautiful. cami said you deserve someone who spoils you, and she is damn fuckin right. you have come so far, getting sober, getting into grad school, someone needs to feel lucky as fuck they have you. but what’s the common denominator between all these dudes - quit pushing guys away, quit purposely ruining shit because you’re scared of shit, quit getting pissed because they don’t react the way you wanted, quit overthinking shit because you’re usually fuckin wrong. just don’t settle for less but allow yourself to get close. your trust issues ain't going anywhere, but learn to put your guard down a tad bit, let yourself get hurt - it’ll only make you into a stronger bitch than you already are. nothing will ever hurt you nearly as much when you got raped. if you got through that, you can literally get through anything. a lot has happened in the last 4 years, but you know what you need to focus on. continue working on your best self. keep thriving and surviving. maybe we’ll self reflect and reorient again when grad school is over in a couple years and you’re back in Austin. just be happy <3 do your best and fuck the rest

[ekgrey]

Yuri!!! On Ice is More than" Just Gay Ice Skating"

Y'all, I apologize in advance, I use mobile tumblr so I can’t put a “read more” line, and I am about to GO OFF.

So tonight, whilst I was on discord playing some games with some friends of mine, the topic turned to the crunchyroll anime awards. The only male in our group, who we shall call X, was the one to bring it up and the conversation went as such:

X: Yeah, Yuri!!! On Ice won like everything. Me: I know! Well, everything it was nominated for at least. XD X: It even won best animation. (**Please note he said this with a very sarcastic tone**) Me: Umm…yeah, I know there were people who were upset. Honestly, yeah, there were some other anime’ that might should have gotten it, but YoI had the bigger fan base. X: Which is shit *even more sarcastic and snotty* Me: Uhh…well, I mean, I DID have really good animation. And– X: Yeah, only on certain specific parts. Me: (You mean like every other anime ever??? They always pull out super good animation for parts they think are extra important) X: Whatever, it wasn’t even that good. I’ve only ever heard girls talk about it and they only like it cuz it’s gay. That’s all it is: Gay ice skating. Me: *biting the hell out of my tongue* It’s done fairly well with straight guys too. X: HA! Where’d you get those statistics. Me: 😡😡😡 (those are red pissed off faces, in case the emoji’s don’t load) My dear sweet friend who’s always reasonable: Hey, I mean, it DID win all those awards. That has to mean something. Me: Look, you don’t have to like it, if you don’t that’s fine, but just because you don’t like it that doesn’t mean it’s not good or that the only reason people liked it was because it was gay. X: Whatever, it had the same tired story all sports anime do, I couldn’t stomach more than 2 episodes. Me:😡😡😡😡😡😡😡(these are more red pissed off faces)

Never mind the fact that it offers a realistic and relatable character who struggles with self confidence and anxiety. I think I saw it put best on animenewsnetwork’s “What’s so Gay About Yuri!!! On Ice?”

“Yuri!!! on Ice stars two complex characters of the same gender who harbor a directly sexual and romantic attraction to each other, in a relatable story that does not fetishize or exoticize these feelings. That might not sound all that complicated or unique by itself, and I definitely have to add the Big “But” that this answer is based entirely on visual cues rather than any direct text as of the show’s first quarter. (As in, the characters have not literally turned to the camera and said “I’m gay” or “I love you” to each other yet, although variations on “I want you” have definitely popped up.) Still, that bolded sentence alone sets Yuri!!! on Ice apart from the vast majority of anime, even ones that might have queer themes or openly gay characters.”

I’m sorry for this long rant but I am just so frustrated and annoyed because I have loved EVERY SECOND of Yuri!!! On Ice. And you know what? YES, I LIKED THE GAY. BECAUSE GUESS WHAT? I’M QUEER!!! AND ANY SORT OF GOOD QUEER REPRESENTATION JUST REALLY TICKLES THE FUCK OUT OF ME. But guess what else? I also loved the characters/aspects of the the show that weren’t necessarily represented as gay/queer. I loved the representation of Yuuri’s anxiety. I loved the look into Figure Skating (a sport I knew nothing about and now LOVE). I loved FRICKIN JJ. I HATED HIS STUCK UP BUTT AT FIRST BUT THEN I SAW HIS SWEET GIRLFRIEND AND FAMILY AND HOW EVEN HE COULD BE EFFECTED BY NERVES AND PRESSURE AND ASDFGHJKL! I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS SHOW OKAY???

I legitimately break down in tears EVERY SINGLE TIME I watch ALL of the routines in the final episode because every single character worked so hard to get there and even though they all took different paths and came from different backgrounds, in that moment, they’re united by their love of skating. Everything is a culmination of the blood, sweat, and tears they put in and the character development and lessons they’ve learned.

So, NO, Yuri!!! On Ice is NOT “just gay ice skating”.

It is a realistic representation of Life and Love.

AND it is gay ice skating. So kiss my ass.

[idespise-t-u-m-b-l-r-blog]

The caveat in Double Authentication

*TL, DR, Backup your Double Authentication key codes/QR codes or you are setting yourself up to lose your account permanently! If you rely on backups of your phone to cover this, you need to make sure they are configured properly such as being encrypted, or they likely won’t include your authentication keys. You can use the DMCA takedown form to get your content removed from a Tumblr account that you have lost access to. And, there should be better account recovery methods set in place when Double Authentication is initially setup. *

You use Tumblr. You post content. You like other content. You reblog other content. You follow other Tumblr users. You tie your identity into your Tumblr account, either by sharing who you are or sharing your Tumblr address with others in real life.

You don’t want your account to fall into the wrong hands. You enable double authentication. You load your double authentication key code into Google Authenticator on your iPhone. You log into Tumblr. You pull out your phone and take copy the number down and enter it after entering your password. You’re logged in. You post content.

Time goes on. You backup your iPhone into iTunes on your computer.

More time goes on. 

Your iPhone slows down and starts becoming frustrating to use with periodic crashes and reboots. You read online that iOS files on your phone may be corrupted and a backup, complete reset, and full restore of your iPhone might make it right. You run a full backup to iTunes on your computer. You do a full reset on your iPhone. You restore your iPhone. All your apps and email accounts are reloaded into your iPhone and it appears to not be crashing or running near as slow.

You open the Tumblr App. You login to Tumblr. It asks for your Authentication code. You open Google Authenticator. There are no keys in Google Authenticator. You did not realize or know that you needed to check a box in iTunes on the computer telling it to encrypt your backups of your iPhone in order for it to back up the password keychains or other keys such as the ones you had loaded into Google Authenticator. You look in all the usual places you could have backed up the key that was used to load it into Google Authenticator and realize that either forgot to make a copy of it, or you no longer have access to this backup copy. You have just lost access to your Tumblr account.

What now? Well, you can contact Tumblr support and tell them that you lost your authentication keys. What will they respond with? They’ll ask you for a new photo of you along with a link to a post on your Tumblr account which has a photo of yourself. That is it. If you do not have a photo of yourself on your Tumblr they will not help you. You might be tempted to try using posts from another account such as photos posted to your Facebook page showing date stamps earlier than their re-posting to your Tumblr. This will not work.

At this point, all you can really do is give up on getting your account back unless you’re some incredibly famous person and the account is clearly that person, there is no way you are going to convince them to unlock this account with any other means. In fact, the moment you try anything they will respond telling you that you can make a new account and then they will. never. respond. to. you. again.

It is over, and ultimately it is your fault. 

If you have double authentication enabled on Tumblr, or any other online accounts for that matter, you NEED to make sure you have BACKUPs of the either the QR Codes you scanned or the key codes you entered to add these keys to your authentication app of choice. You can and will lose your account if you don’t have these and do not have whatever arbitrary alternate identification Tumblr or other web service support centers choose to use in lieu of an authentication code.

Now, if you have content posted and you do not like having it up on an account that you have no control over anymore. You have one last recourse. You can use Tumblr’s DMCA copyright violation take-down report form to file takedown notices against your own account. The easiest way to get to this form is to go to google and search for Tumblr DMCA.

You will need:

links to individual posts on your Tumblr that you no longer want to have stay up.

links to same content posted elsewhere with a complete copyright notice which has your name, and the current year. This is considered evidence of an authorized publication of your content.

A description of each posted content item you want removed. Keep in mind that this description is limited to 1000 characters, so if you need to, it’s best to limit to about three to four URL’s per submission to avoid the accompanying description being too long. It can also help to plan this out with a spread sheet for the URL’s and a word processing document with word/character counter for the description.

If you don’t have the required evidence of an authorized publication of your content and all it is is writing and photos, this is really easy to create as long as you have access to a web server where you can host html and image files. All you have to do is open up a new document in a word processor that can both support embedded photos and save as HTML, copy all your photo and text posts into it, title it something like [your name]’s stuff, add a copyright notice at the bottom with your name/company name, the date, and the appropriate copyright symbol, (such as © [your name here] 2017), and save it as HTML. You should wind up with an html file and a folder full of all the pictures you included. All you have to do is copy the HTML file and the associated folder of pictures it created to your web server, verify that it shows properly when loaded in a browser, and include the URL to this new page. 

MS Word isn’t a good application for doing actual web development, but for this task, it is perfectly acceptable. It doesn’t have to be nice, it just has to exist and satisfy the need.

Once you’ve submitted your DMCA takedown notices via the form, it can take a couple days to go through, but it will go through.

Do I really despise Tumblr? Not really, in my case I was pretty pissed off/upset when it became clear that there was no recourse to get my account back, but ultimately it was my responsibility to make sure I had backups of my authentication keys. At the same time, though, I feel that Tumblr et al, could include prompts telling the user that they NEED to make sure they make backups of their authentication keys as well as including a form for special security questions/answers, or security photos that aren’t shown publicly to allow easier legitimate account recovery. Simply put, you can take all sorts of measures, but if you backup your keys to a hard drive, or you write/print them out and put them in a safe but if things go south enough, you can lose all that too in a worse enough disaster.

This is going to be the only post I make on this Tumblr account.