#Tumblr is being a bit stupid about formatting rn

[dearviper]

OH MY GOD, HELLO, I was gonna go to sleep early but I read the first chapter of Certain Dark Things and by the time I had finished it I couldn't stop, so I read all of it and I am so sorry for rambling but looking at the date of publication for chapter 21 has left me OVERJOYED, I am SO HAPPY that you are still writing for eddie (cos most of tumblr seems to be fawning over eddie munson now lmao), THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR WRITING SO WELL AND SO BEAUTIFULLY AND I HOPE YOU NEVER STOP WRITING. I love the way you have recurring mentions to the reader being treated like a dog (like of course being called a bitch and a stupid dog, but the collar??? degradingly being told to BARK???? you are making me LOSE MY MIND this work of art is like music 2 me because it is making me LoSE CONTROL), and the way you have intertwined the canon plot with your story is brilliant and extraordinarily well done and I cannot believe I get to keep up with your writing in real time, i adore your work and i LOVE the bible references and i am dying to see what you're planning next. are you okay with spam liking/rbing? i would love to rb every chapter but wanna check with you first. thank you you are so cool and one of my favorite writers now, i am so sorry and sad i didn't find you sooner. im really sorry if this is illegible (im a bit sleep deprived (but couldn't be happier!!! u are ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT) and a lil lightheaded) but I hope you know that i appreciate you and the talent and work you put into your writing, i love your formatting and pacing and the stylistic choices you make (THE IPECAC REVEAL?????? AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH) and i love the way you write every character from eddie to the reader to the side characters like tyler (im so sorry if i got that name wrong i couldnt help inhaling your fic it is just TOO good) and marisol and i think the texting gifs are SO COOL and i am amazed at your skill not only with writing but with editing stuff like that and i love how you surprise me with new dark stuff in almost every chapter (because before this i thought i knew every dark!fic /yandere/whatever plot, tropes, and characterization there was, but you have surprised me over and over again, it is so delightful and fantastic and you write so well and i know it's a little strange to be so happy about a fic with dark content bur your writing is just so good that i cant help it. i love how realistically you write and omg just ... . Everything. thank you. <3 i hope this wasnt too weird or overstepping or too out of the blue, i just felt overwhelmed with the happiness ur writing gave me and wanted to thank you. Thank You!!!! <333 i hope you have a wonderful year and i (selfishly) hope you never stop writing!!!!

Baby you better marry me rn I swear to god 😩 I genuinely teared up while reading this. I can't even put into words how sweet and flattering this message is.

Eddie Munson is also my baby, but Eddie Nashton is my lil meow meow 🥺

I'm so glad you appreciated all of the dog references! I wanted to make it very clear that he views women (even the one he "loves") as subhuman. I'm also happy you appreciated the bible references because as someone who was raised Catholic I LIVE for that shit!!

I am absolutely more than okay with spam likes/reblogs! Especially the latter since that gives me more exposure to other readers.

It makes me SO happy that you loved the ipecac reveal. That was one of those parts where I was typing and was like "oh this would have GAGGED me if I was reading this fic" (not to toot my own horn).

Thank you for mentioning the texting gifs because those things took like 1-2 hours to make. Definitely a labor of love, but labor still!

This is not weird/overstepping/too out of the blew, this is genuinely the best ask I've ever received and I will always remember it. Thank you so so SO much for your kind words, and I really hope you still around for my other fics! ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

[yourturntosimp]

Keiji Shinogi Alphabet request: F, H, M, U, V.

A/N: i spent far too long on the tws for this one-- not bc of the amount (there arent many), but js bc i couldnt think of how to briefly surmise the content into the warnings,, the formatting is beating my ass rn bc it doesnt wanna work CMON TUMBLR TWs: implied murder, abandonment-ish?, general delusion, verbal degradation, emotional abuse, general toxicity bc this is a yandere blog–

Fight (How would they feel if their darling fought back?): you’d think he’d just be annoyed, but tbh I think he’d be more amused than anything else??? It’s so cute that you’re stupid enough to think that you could actually fight him, but you know it won’t work, right? If it goes on for too long, that’s when it might start to irk him, so if you could just make your little outburst quick that would make everyone’s lives easier, thanks <3

Hell (What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?): I think it would be if his darling were to ever just blow up at him, screaming at him to leave them alone, etc. So, he’ll concede. He’ll agree– rather, threaten– to leave you alone. That sounds ideal, right? You don’t have to deal with this crazy possessive guy any more, he’s leaving you alone. Until you come to realize that him leaving you alone is more than literal– easily disposing of everyone you had ever grown close to. Parents? Not a problem. Children? No moral obligations here, he doesn’t care! You’re all alone, just like he promised– and since he’s the only one you have left to crawl back to, for a place to live and supplies to live off of, he’ll gladly hold those over your head too. Didn’t you want him to leave you alone? What’s up with that? It’s fine though, he knows just how dependent you are on him, so he’d be glad to support you! Just know that the little outburst you had, yelling at him? You won’t ever do that again, because now you’ve learned that he’ll do exactly what you ask of him, right?

Mask (Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else): Honestly? No, not really. Around other people, he’s charismatic, a bit snarky, and very calculative– but it’s not really any different with you. The only change is a more violent temper if you can’t seem to behave as a rational human being, but if you can just act as he wants you to, everything’s fine! At the end of the day, he still loves you, but he just needs you to learn to listen to him, and nobody will get hurt

Unique (Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?): Surprisingly, I feel like he’d have a bit more patience than the classic yandere– he’d be more than willing to wait until you’re at your lowest point to introduce himself and make you indebted to him, and he’d be willing to put up with what he’d only call “domestic disputes” between the two of you– but I feel like he would also have a heavier hand than the typical yandere, with harsher reprimands and penalties for doing or saying “nonsensical” things. Vice (What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?): Once he “trusts” you, he never fully trusts you, and he feels highkey bad about it. Complain about it 4 or 5 times, and he may just leave an opening for you to leave! Don’t think it’ll be easy though– the first few are accidental, but after that he’ll knowingly leave something unsecured, leaving it up to you to find it. If you never find it, then ig you never find it, and that’s on you!

[olivieblake]

Happy Halloween Olivie! I feel like it's been forever because I've been so inactive both on tumblr and fanfiction wise, but hope you're doing well!

It's been a crazy couple of years for me actually - among other things also because I was in a situationship (I think that's what it's called) with a younger guy who was supposed to move away eventually and who ended up doing so recently- surprise surprise lol. So idk if this counts as me confessing a crush, but for someone who has crushed on boys easily for years and yet somehow been very very (almost too) careful about actually getting into a relationship, this was much harder on me than I expected. I went into it with the 'I don't care how this ends, it makes me happy rn' mentality that's just NOT me at all so idek what I was expecting tbh, but I realised more and more how easy it was to be with him, how I'd fallen for him without even realising it, how comfortable I was being myself around him, how he felt like a friend I'd known all my life AND someone I wanted to get to know everything about - basically all the stupid cliches I'd heard about that didn't seem that stupid anymore

His leaving was a sword hanging over my head for the last 1.5 years, and in a way I'm glad it finally happened because I know I wasn't thinking straight or considering other more liable long-term options because of him. But this also felt like the worst heartbreak I've had so far because it felt so out of my control- had his circumstances or my career been different, it may really have been something - but I don't blame him at all.

So I'd like to ask if you (or anyone you know of) have a similar story about feeling like someone really could've (to quote Taylor Swift) been The One if not for circumstances, and how looking back on it after a while makes you feel.

I have been wondering this for a bit now but have the ask character limit/formatting limitations gone away?? that’s great news okay now let’s go into your story. it has VERY MUCH been ages since I’ve seen you and I’m so happy you’re here!! okay let’s do this

let me start with: I totally crush easily. I always have a crush. several crushes. pet crushes. I used to wonder how it was possibly to love one person forever until I realized you can still have crushes and it’s fine because it’s not the same thing; part of the fun of a crush is the cerebral part, where it only exists in your head and is perfect, which is also what most situationships are because some element of intimacy (the commitment part) is missing. but anyway yes okay so you had a crush and lol, I know, we all tell ourselves we don’t care how it ends but of course we do, all of this tracks... yeah, I can see totally this as something that hangs over you. I completely understand. I’m a daydreamer myself. there are lots of people in my life that I think I could have been happy with, even if it’s not the happy I ultimately chose. and because things are left open-ended or without the conclusion that satisfies you, it’s easy to imagine they’re more perfect than they actually were, or to imagine what they would have been if you hadn’t already known it couldn’t really happen.

I really thought I was going to end up with this one guy I knew in college. I still don’t understand what happened with him? he was so, so smart; I don’t remember exactly how we got to be friends—a class, probably—but then gradually he started taking me as his date to things. like, fancy things? galas he got invited to by the university, a secret society he was part of, big networking things—I’m kind of a great date for schmoozing, he was totally beloved by all the VIPs, and we always had fun together. I remember one night he showed up at my sorority house with flowers and it was totally that scene from Legally Blonde where all my sorority sisters were screaming about the boy who showed up in a tux to take me to this event. when we spent time alone together I was like wow, we’re planning a future together, aren’t we? like, this is what it would be like if we were together. but he had a lot of personal issues; a very private but very serious substance abuse problem, difficulties with intimacy. overall it was not a good situationship for me, even if I was perfectly content while I was inside it. I think about him all the time; he’s like the daisy to my gatsby. the last time I saw him he was dropping me off on my doorstep—he kissed me goodnight, told me I looked beautiful, and that was it. now he’s just gone, and like, it’s not just that he’s gone, but the whole future I imagined with him is gone. the galas and parties and feeling like part of a power couple is the opposite of the marriage I eventually chose, and yeah. sometimes I imagine there’s an alternate version of myself living that life, though it kind of satisfies me to think that version of me probably isn’t happier. she just didn’t know yet who she really was or what she really wanted. she didn’t know what kind of love would actually make her feel safe

after him there were a couple of others. someone in law school while I was dating mr blake, someone I worked with after I had gotten married. just crushes, people with chemistry who I knew would have chosen me if I’d asked. I’m an imaginative person, so yeah, sometimes I think about the fact that I could have made other choices and gone down other paths. I really think that letting yourself travel down that AU of your life is worth it; you just have to be honest about how it actually looks. and in this case it’s probably too fresh for you to feel anything but sad, but that’s okay. some sadnesses are important, they teach us something about what we really want. everyone in your life touches it and changes you, and I think it’s perfectly fine to honor that

[violexides]

fic recs (part 1?)

hi!!! so @n3tn0b0dy sent me an ask about fic recs, and i am stupid so it took me a few mins to like. compose myself and figure out what this is. i am definitely absolutely going to miss a few fics here, which is why it is a part one. i will probably keep this short-ish??? maybe go into more detailed ones later :eyes: 

(i am realizing i am going to write essays for these and for that i am very sorry)

something close to domestic, maybe by @mystxmomo (hi!)

definitely one of my favorite danganronpa fics, currently and (probably) forever. it’s a mature rated kamukoma fic, following an AU in which, instead of the remnants being captured and taken to jabberwock, despair sort of... fizzles out on its own, leaving the remnants of despair-- and the rest of the world-- to sort of heal with it. it’s in a series with another fic, that is in the same universe but following a different narrative with different central characters, and though it only has one chapter rn i highly rec that too. 

i like this fic for many reasons and to avoid prattling on, i will bullet point it.

- easy to follow. there are not overly complex structures-- not that that is inherently a bad thing, i also tend to love that style-- which makes it easy to digest.

- strong emotional impact. this fic has made me cry very, very often.

- really good characterization. mystxmomo is very good with characterization overall, especially with kamukura and servant, and that really shows with this fic.

- a compelling plot that still retains a slice-of-life format. i don’t really know how else to elaborate here.

- an idiosyncratic look into their dynamic. this fic explores kamukoma in the process of them healing, which is pretty distinctively different to a lot of kamukoma fics. obviously, this is not to shade those other fics, but, yeah. i really like it. 

okay sorry for rambling very much there, i really highly recommend it, it is a ongoing multichapter (i should have said that earlier i apologize) and the writer is also very cool. 

--

postscript by zombiekittiez

this is actually a series. it currently has three fics-- one that is fully completed (defy you stars), one that is a completed oneshot (supersonic man outta you), and an ongoing multichapter with pretty frequent updates (prince of a thousand). this follows a post-SDR2 storyline, with a lot of ships and dynamics within it, but heaviest emphasis on komahina. 

more bullet points! yay 

- the characterization is god-fucking-tier. this author is very, very good at characterizing these characters and i will not shut up about it ever actually. they feel real, and distinct, and flawed, and alive, and i love everything about it.

- good exploration of dynamics! i think the latter two fics especially shows this off really well. the friendships and relationships built are all pretty different from each other, but all feel like a pretty natural progression, sticking true to the characters, and feels very... real. which i like a whole hell of a lot.

- there are so many literature references and i am happy about it. there are also sparknotes-ish things at the ending notes of each chapter, which translates the quote, explains the significance within its own text, and applies it to the fanfiction. they are used in ways that make sense, too-- they don’t feel forced.

- the plot and plot building is SO fucking good. prince of a thousand has so many cliffhangers and i am very happy but also dying.

anyway, i really rec this series! be mindful of the tags and the ratings on some of the fics, but they are really, really good reads. 

--

absent mind by galaxyaqua

okay. this is a v3 oneshot rec, exploring pregame rantaro, as well as his relationship with tsumugi shirogane. it’s rated “teen and up audiences”, and. holy shit, okay.

- the writing style of this is GORGEOUS. i don’t know what it is about the writing style, but it feels so much like rantaro is talking, which is so fucking cool, and i love that so fucking much??? i can’t even explain it, but it is seriously super neat. 

- the EMOTIONS. this fic is so fucking emotional, honestly? it shows you this realistic, flawed, you could consider broken, character, shows them finding some hope, and shows the loss that comes with that. it’s so fucking incredible, and the lines have stuck with me even now, and it’s been a bit since i’ve last read. i think about the last couple lines especially a lot.

- these impactful one liners. holy shit. every line means something in this fic, and it’s so fucking cool and incredible, and i just??? holy shit??? i really love this fic???

i will say that this fic is sort of depressing in places, but i highly, and i mean highly, recommend. it is not a super difficult read, and it’s super, super fucking good. so i really recommend it. 

--

this sickness will save us by starrylitme // i believe this is @magioftheseas i am super sorry if it isn’t

okay. super, super fucking big content warning. this fic is a yikes, and the tags can sum it up a LOT better, but yeah. just keep that in mind. 

that being said, this is a really gorgeously written oneshot centered around soulmate au kamukoma, exploring the sort of... unhealthy aspects of their relationship. and i. Wow. okay.

- these fucking one liners. holy SHIT. i remember some of these scenes and lines so very well, and it does live in my head rent free. 

- the tone of this. the tone, and the mood created, is so fucking... i don’t even know how to describe it. terrifying? eerie? super fucking intriguing? it shows this shitty situation in an appropriately terrifying light, and it inflects so much emotion and connotation into the scenes, and holy shit. like, if i wanted to do a case study of incredible tonal work and diction and all, i would absolutely grab this fic.

- the characterization. while kamukura and komaeda are placed in a very interesting predicament, they still manage to stay pretty damn close to being in character, which i personally think is super remarkable. it almost enhances the circumstances too, ngl. 

- their dynamic. their dynamic in this fic is NOT healthy, and that is shown in full “glory”, in a very messy and dysfunctional and terrifying way, and i absolutely love it. it has a kind of realism to it, almost a cautionary tale but not quite, a sort of “this isn’t very good but it still feels grounded in realism”. and wow. Wow. it’s so fucking good.

mind the tags, but definitely rec this one. 

-- 

some scattered accounts i will gush about and if they have a tumblr account i will do my best to tag it. 

@kidcarma, same name on ao3. 

- okay, cam is just super fucking talented with characterization, and i adore all of their fics so fucking much? the way they characterize komaeda, kamukura, and hinata resonate super hard, and i just. really love their stuff. they are also absolutely wonderful so please support them do it why aren’t you doing it just kidding haha unle

@celestial-nova, celestial_nova on ao3

- nova is my best friend and i fucking love her, also her writing is fucking art. does a lot of naegiri and some stuff out of this fandom, but i seriously recommend her stuff. she’s really fucking talented and absolutely incredible and i adore her so very much. 

sinnohremaker on ao3

- their stuff is MAJORLY cathartic to me and they are also super sweet, love them a lot.

shutupnerd on ao3

- SHE IS REALLY TALENTED, I LOVE HER WORKS!! they are also super cool and i just appreciate her a lot fksdc,mxv, her fic “an account of events” is really good

@whatsupscythia, hinataisnothim on ao3

- i fucking love her writing, does some really good hinata prose, highly recommend it

----

i am ABSOLUTELY forgetting people, i am ABSOLUTELY forgetting fics, and i am ABSOLUTELY going to bash my head into a wall when i realize i have forgotten people, but uhm here is an impromptu list. i hope this was good? idk how to do fic recs. uhm yes support all these people they are dope

[3norachas]

wrong send • bang chan (I)

pair: bang chan x reader

genre: college au, friends to lovers, fake dating, fluff, suggestive no smut tho uwu, a little angst, bullet point scenario

warnings: suggestive it’s just making out sjabdka

“In which Y/n was supposed to send her best friend, Lee Minho, a porn link for scientific purposes but accidentally sent it to her neighbor, Bang Chan.”

masterlist     (a/n: sike ya bitch I’m too excited to wait for 6 pm so here you go hnng gotta cut it halfway bc tumblr can’t handle this masterpiece hnnghgn anyway sorry this took too long ive been procrastinating and i still had irremediable and unforeseen to deal with hhnghgn but pls don’t be afraid to request huehuehue and im sorry if my style of writing in bullet point format is similar to some writers hgnfhgng i’ve read some of these types of writing and it stuck with me so im very sorry :((( )

taglist: @cahtastrophie @anxietyishell

PART II

you and minho were close

you grew up together

learned to walk together

bath together when you were babies of course :))

bully and judge people together

basically everything

you studied in the same school and were inseparable since birth

it was like two puzzle together

when you need help with love minho is there to watch over you he scares all of them but u dont need to know that oof

when minho’s in trouble you’re there for him even if it’s bailing him out of jail dont ask why

you even watch porn together  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

but that’s all platonic!!!

the two of you tried dating and were each other’s first kiss

but it didn’t really work out for the both of you

it was too awkward

so you decided that you were better off as friends

but that didn’t stop the two of you to be close huehuehue

y’all still cuddle like kids and personal space never existed between the two of you

that stayed until college

everyone legit thought the two of you were dating but—

“me and minho??”, “me and y/n??”

and you’d both send each other a playful glare

“ew no”

so when minho asked you to send him some link to a gay porn website

you didn’t even bat an eye

so here you are

about to send some porn link for minho’s entertainment and prob for his minho junior ;)))

“here’s the link you bitch”

and there you go

but what weirded u out tho is when minho didn’t reply immediately

he’s always fast when it comes to your texts or calls

but then you thought maybe he couldn’t wait anymore and is busy fucking or whatever

so imagine your shock when u received a text with multiple question marks 

“?????????”

“hello to you too but what is this for?”

it was bang chan

bang motherfucking chan

The Bang Chan™

the one with grades higher than your height

the athlete who joins a lot of sports but eats like he hasn’t for weeks

the one who sits in front of you and asks for pencils every now and then

and has more girls than you have friends

“is this porn?”

“oh wait”

“it is porn”

you threw your phone away from you, burying your face on the pillow to sulk in embarrassment

out of all people it just had to be him ๐·°(৹˃̵﹏˂̵৹)°·๐

your phone rang with the ring tone minho had set for himself let’s all assume it’s a sexy song

“hoe where’s the link”

“i think i did something terrible”

“wouldn’t be your first time lmao but what is it??”

“i accidentally sent it to someone else….”

“…..”

“….”

“…”

“..”

“how and who the hell did u sent it to?”

“bang chan…”

“whomst-hAHAHAHHNGDBJ ISN’T THAT YOUR NEIGHBOR??”

“DON’T LAUGH A ME U BITCH ;’((("

“I CAN’T NOT HUHAHAHA”

you whine while he wheezes at your misery

“just tell him it’s not for him and apologize u big baby”

“but that’s just embarrassing” o(╥﹏╥)o

“do you really want him to think that it’s for him and you’re trying to make him hard and seduce him?? what makes it worse is that it’s gay porn”

“nO”

“tHEN DO SOMETHING”

so that’s how you find yourself standing in front of the door of the apartment across yours

with shaky hands you knock on the door

it opens to reveal bang chan himself in his shirtless glory- Σ(゜ロ゜;)

…..

(╬⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾ Д ⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾) !!!!!!!

sHiRtLEsS?????

suddenly, you don’t know how to breathe don’t we all tho

hngkdb mfucking bitch has defined abs how can you function normally

how is this man comfortable with showing his abs to random people???

it doesn’t help that he still has little droplets of water on his body 

“hi?”

you yelp, literally, and that caused a small chuckle from chan at your cute reaction but!!!

HiS cHuCKle sOuNdED !!!!

you pinch your wrist to wake yourself up and maybe stop yourself from staring at his torso

now is not the time y/n!! ‎(ﾉಥ益ಥ）ﾉ

“um- I’m- hi….”

“hi there” he smiles his dimpled smile and —*inhales*

your heart went !!!!

it took you a lot to compose yourself before you squish his cheeks in your hands

nO Y/N !!!

cOnTRol YOuRSeLf !!!

“soooo”

“huh?”

“come inside for a bit” he grins at your confused look and opened his door wider

what

wHaT?

reluctantly, you follow him inside his apartment. you weren’t surprised when u saw the mess inside, it was a small space but it wasn’t too small

what surprised you tho

there were pieces of female clothes on the floor and bed

Σ(‘◉⌓◉’)

you were confused for a moment before you finally undersstood the situation and that those clothes where female clothing

fEMALE 

nOT HIS

“channie who was that?”

your head whip to the bathroom door to stare at the girl is your neck ok y/n?

her eyes were wide

like

wIDe

like this O - O

and she looks scared :00

“a-are you chan’s s/o?” she gulps before scurrying to gather her things and run pass you muttering apologies and out the door she went

s/O????

you didn’t even have time to explain that you weren’t !!!

she just ran pass you !!!!

and wasn’t that mina?!?!

like The Mina™ who gets all boys huehue

“I’m sorry about her”

you hear chan sigh, now wearing a shirt

which was great bc if he stayed shirtless you might not be able to speak normally bold of u to assume that you can speak even if he’s fully clothed hhghghng

“she really think that these hook ups we have has a meaning”

hookups?

you shook your head, mumbling about how it doesn’t really mind you which is a big fucking lie

wHAT IF MINA GOSSIPS TO HER FRIENDS THAT YOU WERE CHAN’S S/O???

if anything she may already have broadcasted it to the whole campus

“sooo why did you came here??”

chan settled on his bed with a cute curious look on his face

just then did you remembered

yOU SEND HIM A GAY PORN LINK

suddenly you’re back to phase one

you keep opening and shutting your mouth from nervousness lIKE HELLO??? HOW??? ARE YOU??? SUPPOSED TO BE CALM???

aND IT’S CHAN SO???

DON’T!!! BLAME!!! Y/N!!!

“i-t’s about t-the… link-”

chan chuckles and nods his head ”yeah i saw it”

sAW IT?!?!

aS iN hE wATcHeD tHe vIdEO!?!?!

!!!!

chan must’ve noticed the look on your face and laughed his beautiful laugh and you felt your heart is being crushed !!!!

“no not like that! i meant that i received it yes”

oh

oHh

stupid you

why would chan even watch it if he knows that it’s porn hhnghg maybe he did watched it ;)))

you played with the hem of your shirt. eyes casted down from embarrassment smh how many times are you going to embarrass yourself y/n hhhnghn

“p-please forget about the link”

“oh??” chan tilted his head in confusion still with his mfuckin smile

“i-it wasn’t supposed to be sent for you!!! i’m really sorry for calling you bitch too…”

chan was shookt when you bowed 360 degrees and repeatedly apologizing

so being the kind person he is he took a hold of your shoulders with a cute smile

cHAN STOP MAKING CUTE FACES !!! Y/N IS DEAD !!!

AND HE’S TOO CLOSE FOR COMFOT HHNGHNY/N ARE YOU STILL ALIVE???

HANG IN THERE SWEETY

“it’s alright, i don’t mind but…”

but???

“does your boyfriend know???”

?????

“boyfriend?? i’m sorry but i don’t-”

“isn’t minho your boyfriend? y’know the dance major? i’m pretty sure the link is for him, right?”

o-O!!?

he thought you and minho??? are??? dating???

“um n-no we’re not! i mean we’re close but that’s it!”

chan released a relieved sigh and his smile came back

bUT?? HE’S STILL TOO CLOSE?? AND HIS BREATHING HITS YOUR BURNING CHEEKS??

“that’s good, I really thought I was going to have to face him”

he lets out a breathy laugh before letting go you secretly miss his touch and heading for his kitchen

“do you want to eat before going ahead? i mean you’re literally just across my front door so??”

well who are you to say no to that :’)) 

even if it’s possible that he can murder you rn but chan?? hurt someone??

yeah keep telling that to yourself :’))

what you didn’t expect tho was for the two of you to hit it off ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

the two of you have so many things to talk about and it was never awkward and chan was literally listening to whatever bs you were rambling about

and he has such a soft look on his face when he listens to you uwu ɾ⚈▿⚈ɹ

but it wasn’t long before you have to get going bc it’s a school day tomorrow

BUT THAT’S OK !!!

BC THE SECOND U OPENED YOUR DOOR TO HEAD TO COLLEGE HE OPENED HIS WITH A CUTE MORNING SMILE

y’all walk to college together with small talks and he walk you to your first class uwu (▰˘v˘▰)

when lunch arrived you and minho sat at the same table like usual

“soooo how did it went with chan??” minho asked with his mouth stuffed with pasta

“huh??”

minho deadpanned and threw one of his garlic bread at you

sTOP WASTING FOOD U HOE (ง •̀ゝ•́)ง

“i was asking about chan u dumbo”

from the grin on your face minho knew he was going to hear some good tea and drama although he insulted you for being a coward at first

“he’s hooking up with mina :000″

“is that the only thing you heard from what i just said :’<”

he was about to say something else when your junior best friend jisung came running to your table

“why didn’t you tell me!?!? i thought we were friends!?!?” (▰˘︹˘▰)

“tell you what??”

you can tell jisung was clearly offended but you didn’t know why tho 

“that you and chan are dating you traitor!" 

Σ(꒪ȏ꒪)

you and minho shared a look

"i was expecting that”

“WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW???”

jisung look confused so you ended up explaining what happened yesterday with chan

“how did you managed to send him the porn link tho” jisung to a sad y/n, 

“and what the hell did you need the porn link for?” jisung to a flustered minho

“that’s not the point!!” (●o≧д≦)

you slump on your seat with a defeated look and just then did u noticed the look that people are sending you

automatically you hid yourself by snuggling into minho uwu u cute y/n

“oi, you can’t just snuggle into me when everyone thinks you have a boyfriend” — “but i don’t”

“y/n?” 

u look up from minho’s shoulder to see chan

"chan!!!" Σ(゜ロ゜;)

"can we talk for a moment??”

minho nudge you on the elbow, nodding as if to tell you to go ahead so you stood up and followed chan outside the cafeteria

when you’re outside chan faces you with a bothered look

“I’m so sorry for what people are saying about us I’m pretty sure it was mina she usually gossips a lot to her friends but I didn’t expect her to tell them that we’re dating just bc you came yesterday-”

chan was now rambling his apologies just like you did last night he looked cute like that btw

“it’s ok chan!! I’m sure you didn’t mean for that to happen”

chan was relieved when he heard that but he looked like he was still bothered by something

so being the sweetheart you are you asked him what it is ^~^

“can I ask you a favor??” he look uncertain so normally you were concerned

so you nod because !!!!

chan is worried !!!!

so it has to be something big !!!!

“i know this is probably going to be weird bc we just met last night and we’re not that close but-” chan look at your eyes to see if you still want him to continue so you nod at him

“c-can we please date?? but like fake dating and all?? i thought about it and it would really help me avoid those girls who wanted me in their bed and don’t worry i’ll pay you back! i swear-”

(〃ﾟдﾟ〃)!!! 

"d-date!?!?!?” 

you yelped, cheeks burning bright from chan’s offer

HOW CAN YOU NOT??

CHAN LITERALLY ASKED YOU TO DATE HIM !!! IT MAY BE FAKE AND ALL BUT STILL !!! HE ASKED YOU !!! YOU !!! TO DATE !!! OUT OF ALL PEOPLE !!!

and it didn’t help that he said please insert sad uwu :((

AS IF YOU’D SAY NO :((

"i-it’s ok if you don’t want to though!! I won’t force you!!”

WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD SAY NO TO BANG CHAN??  DEFINITELY NOT YOU BC!!! IT’S!!! BANG CHAN!!!

“i-im fine with it but why me tho??” bc you’re cute and awesome y/n (ﾟヮﾟ)

your cheeks became even more red than possible when chan gave you cute smile

"well, I really want to get to know you since last night and you weren’t like any girl to be honest”

aaAAHH 

BANG CHAN U BITCH 

Y/N??? 

ARE YOU STILL ALIVE???

you can feel your heart fluttering from his confession definitely not because he was looking at you with a fond smile and soft caring eyes hnghn

“so, are you in?" 

with your trembling weak heart you nodded, knees weakening when he beamed at you and his mother fucking cute dimples showed

you’re doomed :’))

"great! I’ll see you later then”

later?? o-O??

“um what for??”

he chuckled at your confused lil face and patted your head

aaAAHH YOUR HEART JUST SKIPPED THOUSANDS OF BEATS

“for our first date dummy”

[brealwithmeplease]

5/11/17

I’m sitting here listening to American Boy by Kanye and Estelle, literally one of the most incredible songs of the 2000s. Kanye is a god guys, a GODLY producer and I am forever and ever a diehard Yeezy lover :) lets hope he tours again because I need need need to see him liveeee

So basically, I’ve been neglecting writing and that’s what I’m supposed to turn to when times are bad. Lately, life’s been hard and dealing with things usually ends in tears and anxiety. That’s not how I’ve been brought up and that’s not the type of person I am. So I’m going to write every single day, whatever I have to say will be written down in this Tumblr. It’ll be equal parts happy, sad, every emotion; because it’s not healthy for a person to be simply sad and pessimistic all the time!! anyways, today, I wanted to write a letter to whatever higher power is out there. Idk if its god, or a soul, or a higher being of some sort who even knows. Just someone who’s out there and who always seems to respond to my concerns and worries in the right way. It’s never really steered me wrong before.

Dear God, (yes I do believe in god!! I know some people I care about that would love to argue with me about this)

It’s been a hard couple months but it’s nice to know that I can always come to you with anything I’m thinking. I know you usually like it when I write this stuff in handwritten letter format, but I’m feeling a bit lazy and have gotten used to looking at a computer screen for 10+ hours a day lolol. Prob not the healthiest thing, but I’ll definitely write it out sometime soon. Anyways, two months of anxiety attacks, a lot of tears, and some blessings have put me in a bittersweet position. It’s stupid that I’m so torn up over a stupid boy and I know everything that people have been telling me but it’s been really hard for me to let go of him. I know I messed up but I really just had the biggest lapse of judgement ever. Can’t a person make some mistakes? Don’t we all deserve forgiveness? Why is he so hell-bent on ending it right now? I wish you could give me some sense of what is the right way to go and what the pseudo-right thing to do in this situation is. I like him a lot and he keeps saying to take 3 steps back which is honestly the right thing to do but I don’t want to because I know there’s something strong in this connection. I know Houston is the best decision for me, and that’s why I made it because my intellect is stronger than my mind for some situations, but I’m really just scared that he’s going to move on and all that I will be fighting for will be nothing when I come back. I’m thinking about the time I’ll be in Houston, and I’m thinking that I’m going to come back pretty often just to make sure I’ll be giving him some physical presence -- see, is that a good idea or will I not regret giving him some space? I just don’t want to be left alone and all the effort I’ve put into opening up to a person I do NOT want to go to waste. I wish you’d let me understand the things I should do at this point and will gear me the right way. 

Honestly, all I want at this point is some mental clarity. It’s been hard for me to distract myself and trust him and I want to so badly. Enough about that, though. To be honest, nothing else in my life is bothering me as much as that is rn except for family. I’m scared of my grandpa dying because death has never been that close to me before. My mom seems like she’s ready but I know it won’t be easy for her because of all the times she’s wished she could take care of her parents -- perhaps he wouldn’t be in this position if she had been there to take care of them? I can’t help but feeling a bit guilty for it all. And I know I shouldn’t, but it’s that feeling where you know that you aren’t ready for something to happen just because of all the things associated with the memories. I couldn’t even take him to Indopak to get samosas in my car with my credit card. My beloved grandpa, whose only wish was to see my sister and I get married, probably won’t even get to meet my next boyfriend, let alone my fiancee or husband-to-be. And as much as that sucks, what can I do except learning to deal with whatever happens? 

Sigh. Life is just really hard. Priorities change and people change. Growing up sucks and college is like hitting a real life wall. Hopefully being this down means that things will look up soon enough. Thank you for listening.

- H.