#Trump Supporters Can Catch Every Hand On Earth

[elmp]

Trump Supporters Can Catch Every Hand On Earth

Doing Nazi work

Is a great way to get the

Shit smacked out of you

[juyeoniemyhoney]

make you feel my love

Losing means nothing to Ishikawa when he has you.

pairing: ishikawa yuki x reader

genre: fluff, established relationship

warnings: i don’t think there’s any!

word count: 2074 words

A/N: i honestly dont know who wants to read this but im just gonna post it anyways HAHA so here all you ishikawa simps pls enjoy<3

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It all happens at once.

The noise— screams of all pitches and encouragements of all sorts, forming a raucous cacophony in the large gymnasium— halts almost immediately; like a vacuum has sucked it all up and the only thing that is left is an eerie stillness as everyone waits in antsy anticipation for the player to serve.

And then he is running up, throwing the ball great lengths into the air and jumping to meet it halfway, hitting the ball with such force and determination you can almost feel the impact yourself. The ball hurtles through the air and crosses the net with such speed you almost don't see it.

But the Japanese team does. Their libero, Yamamoto, crosses the court in a flash and bumps the ball up so high up it gives his teammates half a second to breathe before they are rushing to connect it, the setter, Sekita, tossing the ball higher in the air for Ishikawa to hit it.

The tall Brazilians loom over him like a curse, like bad karma, as determined as the Japanese are, but not nearly as desperate. Ishikawa does not mind them and he bravely hits the ball with as much strength as his worn out body allows him, sending every last bit of energy into this spike, hoping, praying, practically begging for it to work, for the ball to hit the other side of the court with such violence that the Brazilians would not be able to even react before it hits the floor.

The next thing you know, the ball hits the hands of the Brazilians and is spindling down towards the floor at breakneck speed. Yamamoto, Sekita and Ishikawa (when he lands), all throw themselves to the floor in a desperate bid to save it, to not let it touch the floor, to not let all their hard work be washed down into a drain. But to no avail.

The ball hits the floor with a resounding thud. The whistle blows and all at once, the Brazilian supporters leap from their seats and yell and scream and shout with unadulterated joy. Because they have won! They have won the game! And the Japanese have lost. The Japanese team and their supporters are quiet in the wake of their loss. You do not move, almost as if if you did, the bleachers would crack open, the earth beneath the gymnasium would cave in and you would be falling to the floor, through the soil and to the core of the earth.

The three men lift themselves up from the floor with the weight of defeat on their shoulders and their teammates pat their backs silently, looking solemn but trying to be as encouraging as possible. The team gathers at the end line of the court and another whistle blows, signalling both teams to bow. When Ishikawa's eyes hit the floor, so do the tears.

He cries in silent agony, somehow feeling like it is all his fault. He is the captain, he should have led them better than this. He is the ace, he should have been able to hit pass those blocks. He knew hitting hard was risky, he should have been more careful. He should have moved faster, reacted faster, gotten to the ball faster. He should have been sharper, more alert, better. He should have been better.

His teammates shed a few tears too, but not quite nearly as much as Ishikawa. It's unrelenting— his tears. It doesn't want to stop, even when Ishikawa roughly wipes at his eyes in frustration, desperately wanting the raw showing of emotion to stop. Everyone can see him cry in this moment and he hates it.

When Ishikawa and his team begin to move off the court, is when you break from your stunned daze. Quite frankly, you were shocked speechless. You knew Brazil was a tough opponent but your faith in your boys would always trump any form of doubt. You knew they could do it. You knew they would be able to do it. Until they didn't.

You do not see the tears from quite so far away, but when you do, you are ripping yourself from your seat with such great speed, the people around you jump in surprise. You do not care, you do not even really notice before you are sprinting down the stairs, leaping from each flight, ignoring the desperate calls of your best friend and the shocked expressions directed at you as you race to the exit of the court.

"Ishikawa Yuki!" you yell just in case you don't catch them in time. You know you could just call him or meet him at his house but you came as a surprise, and though you'd wish you could surprise him after his victory, you think that surprising him and being able to comfort him in his loss will mean just as much.

At the sound of your voice, his head whips around, eyes wide in shock as he desperately searches the people for your face, eyes glassy with unshed tears and vision slightly blurry. You jump off the rest of the stairs, running to him with flailing arms. And when Ishikawa sees you, you swear you see his lips pout, eyes glossing over as tears run down his face.

You grin and run to him and he drops everything, his water bottle, his towel, his jacket, everything, so that he can hold his arms open for you to run into and give him a big hug. And you do exactly that. You run straight into his arms, wrapping your arms around his torso and shoving your face into his chest, not caring at all that he is drenched in sweat (and possibly tears), not caring at all that almost the whole gymnasium full of people can see the two of you have such an intimate moment, not caring at all because Ishikawa Yuki, the love of your life, is in tears and you have to do everything in your power to stop that.

Ishikawa's arms wrap around you too, holding you so tight and dear to him, you swear the both of you stop breathing. And with you in his arms, he finally crumbles to the floor, tears spilling from his eyes and sobs escaping his throat in ugly, high-pitched hiccups. But he doesn't care, you don't care, he's safe as long as you're here.

"When did you get here? I thought you were only going to touchdown tomorrow," he whispers in between sobs, his shaking, swollen hand coming up to your hair and entangling his fingers with the strands messily. You pull away slightly and pull Ishikawa down so that your chin rests on his shoulder and he can bury his face into your neck, your hand coming up to his sweaty hair to run your fingers through the corse, tangled strands as Ishikawa continues to cry in your arms. This position is so incredibly uncomfortable. After all, Ishikawa is insanely tall and the top of your head doesn't even really reach his neck, and you're sure Ishikawa's back is going to hurt a little later but he doesn't seem to mind at all at the position change, indulging in you as he shoves his face into the crook of your neck, hot breaths that tickle your skin, coming out in pants as he struggles to control his sobs.

"I wanted to surprise you," you say with a fond smile, the hand that was idle on his back coming up to send a wave to his teammates when your eyes meet, even sending one to his coach, who just smiles bitterly at you. His teammates send you rueful smiles and thumbs-ups of approval before they make their way back to the locker rooms, leaving you and Ishikawa to continue embracing at the exit of the court.

Ishikawa lets out a tearful laugh, saying, "Well, I'm surprised alright. I was just thinking about you when you called my name. I almost thought I was seeing things.".

You laugh but do not reply, allowing a comfortable silence to take over as Ishikawa lets all his emotions out in the form of hot, regretful tears. Your hand continues to soothe him with pats and strokes to his back and your hand remains in his hair. Ishikawa's large hands fist your shirt at your waist as his tears and sweat seep into your shirt. You don't mind. Of course, if this were anyone else you would. But this is Ishikawa Yuki, and you love him more than anything else in this world.

"You played so well," you whisper after a while of silence. You can feel Ishikawa wanting to pull away from you but you do not allow him, knowing full well that he wants to pull away to argue with you, to debunk your words with his incessant humility, so you do not allow him. You do not allow him to deny himself the praise he very much deserves because he's worked hard for this, no matter the outcome, he and his teammates have worked his ass off for this, and the least you can do is praise him.

"Yuki, you played very well. Don't try and deny it," you say with a firm voice, hand on his head keeping his chin to your shoulder. At this, he finally laughs and you loosen your grip, allowing him to pull out of your embrace just enough for him to see your face.

His cheeks are tear-stained and his eyes are beginning to puff up with all his crying, red beginning to bloom at the corner of his eyes, slowly taking over the white. His smile is nothing short of breathtaking, swollen eyes and red lips curled up brilliantly, smile lines and the corners of his eyes creasing sweetly. You can't help but grin back when you see his smile, nose souring with endearment.

"You know me so well," he comments, fingers coming up to tuck strands of your hair behind your ear, fingers trailing down your jaw to your chin, tilting your face up just a little bit more. His fingers guide your head just slightly forward before he is meeting you halfway in a sweet kiss, grinning immediately after your lips meet his.

Ishikawa's eyes trace over your every feature, observing, remembering, ingraining; tracing over the curve of your eyes, the slope of your nose, the perk of your lips, the peak of your eyebrows, and the line of your jaw, fingers ghosting over each feature along with his eyes, all the while maintaining the smile on his lips.

Then, he is giving your forehead a sweet kiss before pulling out of your embrace fully, turning around to pick up the things he had dropped when you came running into his arms. He brushes off his jacket and drapes it across your shoulders, holding open the jacket for you to slip your arms into the sleeves, to which you do, before he is hooking the zip and zipping it all the way up to your chin.

In his mind, he laughs at the way you are dwarfed by his jacket. Your hands can barely be seen, only the tips of your fingers peeking out from the sleeves, and the jacket, where it usually ends at his hip, ends almost at your knees. Unconsciously, he smiles and has to physically restrain himself from pinching your cheeks.

After he zips up his jacket, he bends down to pick up his towel, draping it over his shoulder before he is bending down once again to pick up his water bottle, having set them down to help you put on his jacket. Then, without a word but with the largest, goofiest grin, he takes your hand in his and leads you out of the court and to the locker rooms in a comfortable silence, fingers intertwined with yours.

For a second there, he almost forgets that they lost the game and are not able to proceed to the quarter-finals. For a second there, he almost completely forgets about his regrets and anger and frustration. And it's all because of you. And of course, he is eternally grateful to you. After all, what on earth would he do without you? He would still be crying his ass off, that's what, though he would never admit it out loud. And it is because of this reason— though he would do it without a reason at all— that he kisses you a little longer, hugs you a little tighter, loves you a little more.

[leolamin97]

Steven Universe/Mortal Kombat AU

(Art supplied by @cupcakeshakesnake​ please check out their page and support them)

So yeah you aren't reading that wrong Mortal Kombat crossed over with Steven Universe. An idea made after an incredibly long night of Playing MK11 with friends while also talking about Steven Universe. Funny how you can just say something totally random like "What if MK crossed with SU" and before you know it your on discord talking the concept over with your writing pals figuring out how this can work out exactly. And we came up with this.

Taking place after MK3 with the Crystal Gems also involved with the battles. Shao Khan is dead, most of the heroes are alive and thriving, and the forces of evil have scattered across the realms. With this peace the Kombatants were able to start families, a new generation. And they are about to be put to the test as a call goes out to the best of the young fighters across the realm to come to the ruins of Shang Tsung's Island for a New Mortal Kombat. Are they truly ready for KOMBAT!

Synopsis: MORTAL KOMBAT. A tournament held every 500 years pitting realms against one another for supreme dominance. If a realm can trump another 10 times undefeated they earn the right to merge the realms. Earthrealm was nearly merged with the nightmarish outworld and put under the boot of the tyrant Shao Khan if not for the intervention of a new generation of Earthrealm warriors, though not all were from Earth. A group known as the Crystal Gems who have lived on the planet amongst the humans helped in the battle. With their aid they were able to win the 10th tournament and save Earthrealm.

      But that was not the end. Shao Khan, not accepting defeat, tried twice to bend the rules of the tournament. The third being a full on invasion of Earth that ended with his final defeat and his forces being scattered across the realms. Peace was restored and the Kombatants were able to find their own happiness and love. The Peace lasted years but not forever, a new tournament had begun this time calling out to the developing next generation upon the ruins of Shang Tsung's Island. These Young Kombatants now face off to determine who is the champion of the new age, but what dark forces are behind these battles. Things may not be fatal, but they will be BRUTAL!

Characters:

Steven Universe (14)- Son of the previous Mortal Kombat champion Rose Quartz and a travelling musician named Greg. A peaceful soul enjoying the quiet life with the Crystal gems on Beach city. But even a peaceful soul is ready for battle learning the art of Kombat at a young age from the Crystal gems and the hero Liu Kang. His style is unrefined and heart not always in battle, but he shows great promise and the heart of a hero.

Twin Dragon Kick: Steven launches himself forward landing a kick followed by another kick sending the opponent back

Bubble throw: Steven throws one of hs bubbles which explodes on impact knocking them down. Can be shot High, Low, and in the air

Rose Counter: Steven summons his shield and if attacked will knock the opponent back

Bicycle Kick: Steven launches himself forward with a flurry of kicks to his opponent knocking them down

Crystal Stance: Steven takes a ready stance and prepares a counterattack for when his opponent strikes. A low sweep knocking them down, a straight punch knocking them back, and a high kick launching them.

Brutality 1- Shaolin Soccer: Steven Summons a bubble and proceeds to kick it at his opponent doing damage as it bounces off. Steven does this four times, the fourth hit sending them to their back. Steven then leaps in the air kicking it down onto their face smashing them into the ground as it pops

Brutality 2- Rose Doll: Steven forms a bubble around the lower body of his opponent making them unable to move. Steven then attacks them bounce them back and forth like they were a training dummy. After 6 hits Steven forms a bubble around their hand with a final blow to the face sending them flying back KO’d.

Friendship: Steven pulls out his ukulele and plays the Mortal Kombat theme his opponent clapping for him as he bows. 

Cassie Cage (14)- The daughter of Johnny Cage and Sonya Blade. Ever since she had the ability to kick Cassie wanted to be like her parents real life action heroes. A young prodigy in Martial Arts and starting to develop similar skills to her father she shows great promise. Unfortunately she also has her fathers ego and thinks herself the main character of the world. While vain, she is never cruel and has a soft spot for her two friends Kung Jin and Steven.

Shadow Kick: Her fathers iconic move flying across the ground with a standing kick knocking her opponent back

Green Force Scatter: Unable to form a ball her energy will instead scatter about like thrown seeds damaging the opponent

Dirty Pass: She can’t do a split so she will instead slide on her knee and slam both fist into her opponents groin.

Flipkick: Using her green energy She performs a flip kick launching them in the air

Military Counter: Channelling her mother she takes a stance and if attacked will knock the opponent down and twist their leg

SFX Kick: Cassie sends out a green shadow copy performing the shadow kick, but it goes through them tricking them

Brutality 1- DING-DONG! WHAM-BAM! POW!: Cassie stretches herself out before running forward and doing her Dirty Pass, DING. She then immediately follows up with a straight to the crotch, DONG. She flips back to her feet ramming her knee between their legs, WHAM. She throws another punch to the crotch, BAM. As the opponent is doubled over in pain she hits them with an uppercut knocking them into the air and on their backs, POW!

Brutality 2- #BRUTALITY: Channeling her father Cassie hits her opponent with an uppercut sending them into the air. As they’re suspended Cassie pulls out her phone readying the camera. She then catches her opponent by the neck and takes a selfie with their unconscious body. We are then shown her social media and the various reactions from characters.

Friendship: Cassie pulls out her phone grabbing her opponent by the arm and pulling them in for a photo. Multiple photos are shown of her and her opponent doing various fun stuff across the Island. When the final photo is shown on it is written “TO MY BEST FRIEND, LOVE CASSIE”

Kung Jin(13)- The Nephew of the Kung Lao and descendant of the Great Kung Lao. Jin always admired his uncle Kung Lao and considered him a hero, quickly joining the academy and learning the ways of the Shaolin. Seeing his potential he was quickly brought to Beach City to train with the Crystal Gems and met Steven the two becoming quick friends. The straight man of the group Kung usually points the trio in the right direction with his Bo Staff/Bow.

Air Dive Kick: Kung Jin dives down from the air to kick his opponent and slams his bow on their head Arrow Shot: Kung Jin shoots his arrow knocking them down. Can be shot in multiple directions including the air

Cartwheel Drop: Kung Jin does a flip and lands an overhead kick to his opponent, knocking them down.

Special Shot: Kung Jin uses a special arrow of which he can switch from. Ice, Fire, Explosive, and Flash

Brutality 1- Shaolin Fury: Kung Jin channels his Kung Lao pulling out the Wushu fighting style. He rushes forward, breaking down his opponent with a flurry of blows, before resting their head on his knee and laying into their face with rapid blows until they are KO’d.

Brutality 2- Trick Shot: He rushes forward and swings his bo spreading his opponents legs. He then fires an arrow between their legs landing behind them and jabs them in the crotch. The cover only to be jabbed in the face falling back on the arrow which explodes sending them up. He fires a rope arrow around then and slams them to the ground.

Friendship: With a quick twirl of his Bo he tosses it into the air where it lands on two poles and becomes a limbo. He goes under easily gesturing for his opponent to try only for them to not make it the two having a laugh.

Rain(14)- A Royal of the new Edenia and a demigod, it’s easy to see how Rain thinks highly of himself. He demands respect when walking into a room and usually sees himself as above everyone else there. He has the skill to back up that talk with his impressive Martial Arts and Hydrokinesis. He joins the tournament to prove to all that he is the strongest. But under his hard exterior is something kind, perhaps even friendly. Just make sure you don’t bad mouth his mother or a storm will fall upon you.

Hydro Bubble: Rain throws a water bubble at his opponent that will trap them within it while bringing them towards him for a short distance unable to defend. Shocking Bolt: Rain raises his arm and summons a blue lightning bolt to strike his enemy. Super Roundhouse: Rain reverse roundhouses his opponent clear to the other side of the screen. Water Blast: Rain shoots a high-pressure stream of water at his adversary, forcing them back Evaporate: Rain strikes a pose and turns into an intangible body of water.

Brutality 1- Roundhouse to Infinity: Rain uses his Super roundhouse knocking the opponent to the other side of the screen where Rain kicks them again. He knocks them back and forth with his super kicks repeatedly without end.

Brutality 2- Waterworks: Rain summons a geyser of water knocking his opponent to the air. Then like a conductor for an orchestra he summons multiple streams knocking his opponent about before smashing them between two geysers and letting them fall 

Friendship: Rain uses his powers to create a water slide which he and the opponent slide down on. The final shot being their picture being taken while on the ride

Absolute Zero (12)- The only daughter of Grandmaster of the Lin Kuei Kuai Liang. From a respected family of such high regard, young Xue Liang feels like she has the world on her shoulders and must be on her utmost behavior at all times. With a cool professional air around her she shows that she is here for business and nothing else. However she and Steven go way back and he knows that’s not the real her. Even with that she has learned from the best and has made her own spin with her cryomancy.

Ice Blast: Absolute sends a blast of ice directly towards the opponent to temporarily freeze them in place for a free hit.

Frosty Skate: Zero slides across the floor on ice skates and runs through the opponent if she comes in contact stunning them and getting behind them.

Ice Puddle: Zero shoots the ground with her ice blast, creating a puddle that the opponent will begin to slip around on if nearby

Ice Nugget: Zero shoots ice straight overhead which falls back down atop her opponent. He can shoot it close, mid way, or far away to freeze the opponent.

Tombstone Teleport: Zero's body becomes ice, falls backward into the ground, and reappears behind her opponent.

Brutality 1- Figure Beating: Zero freezes the ground into a make shift Ice skating rink where she skates circles around her opponent who tries to stay up. She then rushes in with a flury of attacks skating past the quickly and attacking before ending with a jumping spin kick KOing them and making them slide across the ice where she strikes a final pose.

Brutality 2- Snow Squall: Zero summons up an Ice wall behind her opponent. She then pulls down her mask and blows releasing blizzard like winds pressing them against the wall and freezing them to it. She then forms a snowball and throws it at them sending them through the wall

Friendship: Zero makes an Ice rink grabbing her opponents hand and doing a team Ice Skating routine ending with her lifting them and spinning.

Khameleon (14)- A member of the Saurian race of outworld and uninvited guest on the Island. Khameleon is a thief looking to make a quick buck and run using her natural Camouflage abilities. She however was quickly captured by the master of this tournament and offered a job to fight on their behalf for wealth, which she happily took. She has no malice towards the Earthrealmers, and simply sees what she is doing as a job. She only acts to help herself and if she is guilted into doing something.

Find Me: Khameleon surrounds herself with a haze and becomes invisible.

Yellow Surge: Khameleon shoots a yellow fireball at her opponent. 

Blue Slide: Khameleon slides across the ground knocking her opponent into the air

Pink Counter: Khameleon takes a defensive stance and prepares 3 different counter attacks

Serpent's Mist: Khameleon spits with a cloud of green smoke before her that will float in place. If a opponent is inside they get damaged

Brutality 1- Peek a boo: Khameleon vanishes in a puff a smoke. The Opponent then gets attacked from all sides by an invisible enemy getting pummeled before getting knocked out. Khameleon reappears atop of them bowing.

Brutality 2- Poison Passion: Khameleon pulls down her mask grabbing her opponent’s head and spits her Serpent Mist into their eyes. They cover their eyes blinded unable to see swinging at nothing as Khameleon watched with a chuckle. She then jumps onto their shoulders and slams them head first into the ground.

Friendship: Khameleon turns invisible, only to appear behind her opponent with a present which they happily take. Suddenly something is thrown at Khameleons head from off screen making her run as a person chases after her, the thief having stolen the gift. The opponent watches as she is chased across the screen.

Tanya (14)- A Royal of new Edenia, seen as sweet and loving by all around her. But that is all a façade hiding her true darkness. Maliciousness courses through her veins as she enjoys breaking those weaker than her and asserting her superiority. But she has come to this Island for a reason, seeking something to help a dark master she serves. She will get her hands on it and no one will stop her, especially Steven Universe.

Human Cannon Drill: Tanya lunges forward, spinning in a cork-screw manner with her flaming feet leading towards her opponent.

Surging Blast: Tanya sends a blast of fire from her hand at her opponent.

Split Flip Kick: Tanya somersaults forwards with a flaming kick directed at her opponent

Sore Neck: Tanya leaps onto her foe's shoulders, wraps her thighs around their head & swings around them 90 degrees

Brutality 1- Whiplash: Tanya knees her opponent in the gut and slaps them across the face turning their back to her. She then handsprings onto their shoulders  squeezing their face with her thighs. She then twists to the left really fast and then the right before flipping off and the opponent falls to the ground groaning.

Brutality 2- Paralysis Kiss: Tanya saunters up and kisses her opponent cheek. After a second they scream as their body stiffens and they fall over unable to move.

Friendship: Tanya summons up a surge blast shooting it to the ground. It is then shown that she has made a bonfire and she and her opponent roast marshmallow.

Kobra (15)- From the Harsh Streets of Empire City, Kobra knows brutality. Orphaned with no one to guide him he was brought into the Black dragon and taught the ways of Kombat to one day become a member. Taking their words to heart he is brutal and unrelenting, wanting nothing more than to be the best. This tournament gave him the chance to prove that he is worthy of the Black Dragon.

Windmill Kick: Kobra slides forward a bit and performs a devastating arching Axe Kick which causes the opponent to bounce off the ground 

Burning Fist: Kobra dashes forward with his fist on fire extended forward, which knocks his opponents down. 

Tele-Punch: Kobra disappears, leaving a trail of smoke behind, then reappears behind his opponent and punches them down. 

Chi-Blast: Kobra gathers chi and releases a ball of flame forward from the palms of his hands.

Brutality 1- Beatdown: He knees his opponent twice between both knees, and high kicks them in a makeshift sending them into the air before it knocks them onto their backs unconscious.

Brutality 2- Burning Combo: He roars setting his fist ablaze and lays into his opponents face with a flury of blows. He then slams an uppercut into their gut followed by one to the chin than with an explosion he launches them into the air.

Friendship: Kobra throws down some cardboard and then proceeds to breakdance impressing the opponent as they clap and he does a final pose.

Nitara (15)- A member of the Moroi (Vampires) from outworld, she is the epitome of high society. She looks upon Mortals with pity seeing them as lesser beings and food as she was taught, knowing that one day her clan will rise and rule the realms. This Tournament has many strong fighters with delicious blood that will make her stronger and bring honor to her clan. Plus there are a few cute boys that she would love to tease and girls she would love to put in their place.

Unicorn Kick: Nitara flies forwards and kicks the opponent and flips over them.

Blood Spit: Nitara spits a ball of blood at the opponent.

Quick Escape: Nitara jumps away from the opponent with considerable distance

Bite: Grabbing her opponent she bites into their neck sucking their lifeforce and replenishing her own lightly

Brutality 1- Just a sip: She jumps onto her opponent before biting into their neck. They scream and flail getting weaker before falling over twitching as Nitara wipes her mouth.

Brutality 2- Night Flight: She gets behind her opponent, grabbing them in a full nelson, flying straight up and looping in the air before diving and slamming them into the ground their legs lightly kicking as they were half burried.

Friendship: Nitara grabs her opponent and takes off into the sky. They are then shown flying across blue skies laughing and having the time of their lives.

Ashrah(Secret fight, ???)- Her Origins are unknown, but there is more to her than appearances let on. More knowledgeable than her age lets on, she was not invited but seems to take a vested interest in this tournament. Very approachable and friendly she gives off a warm and welcoming aura that rivals Stevens, but underneath there is something more, something powerful. She wants to see what these fighters are capable of don’t disappoint her.

Light Blast: Ashrah shoots a ball of white energy towards the opponent that travels a very short distance but knocks them back. 

Heavenly Light: Ashrah shoots a of white flash of light that will damage and stun her opponent

Spin Cycle: Ashrah spins in a circle, and if it connects, they will be launched high up in the air. 

Nature's Torpedo: Ashrah flies towards the opponent while spinning, and if it connects, the opponent will be sent flying. 

Brutality 1- Blinding Rage: Ashrah releases a torrent of light the blinds the opponent and turns the screen white Cracks, whacks, and bams are heard along with a x ray showing bones breaking. The screen returns to normal as Ashrah is shown over a defeated opponent and bows.

Brutality 2- Lightburn: Ashrah’s whole body turns into light. She then rushes past her opponent in a flash leaving her opponent sunburned. They scream in pain before falling to the ground twitching.

Friendship: Ashrah creates a ball of light tossing it into the air where is sparkles like a disco ball. She is then shown doing the Tango with her opponent music playing as the two do a final pose.

Blaze (Secret fight, ???)- A fire elemental who appeared out of nowhere on the Island. Aggressive and not very trusting he will assume the worst from any who find him and will attack. Though he appears to know and trust Ashrah, showing a strange connection between the two

Flame Ball: Blaze shoots a flaming projectile at his opponent.

Flame Uppercut: Blaze performs an uppercut on the opponent.

Flame Charge: Blaze charges at the opponent.

Flaming Teleport: Blaze teleports with a fire pit, rising on the other side, behind his opponent

Blazing Crack: Blaze hits/kicks the ground, sending a stream of fire that cracks the ground in its wake at his opponent.

Flamethrower: Shoots a torrent of flames that stuns the opponent as the put themselves out

Plume: He causes an eruption of flame from underneath his opponent that knocks them off their feet.

Brutality 1- Stomped out: Blaze roars out before shooting a plume of fire at his opponent. Their clothes are set on fire as they panic trying to put themselves out dropping to the ground and rolling. Blaze rushes in and repeatedly kicks and stomps them until they stop moving and the fire goes out.

Brutality 2- Eruption: Blaze yells creating a hole beneath his opponent which they get stuck in. He then chants and waves his hands about as the ground shakes before with a fiery  explosion his opponent is sent into the air screaming

Friendship: Blaze creates a fireball before shooting it into the sky where it becomes fireworks. The opponent looks on is awe as Blaze shoots more fireworks into the sky illuminating the area.

Koran (Sub-Boss, 14)- The Princess of the Shokan and daughter of Queen Sheeva. Despite her strength she is a shy girl, unsure of herself and whether she is worthy of being a member of the mighty warrior race. She was approached by the master of this New Mortal Kombat to be her champion and fight for her, telling her that this will test her and show that she is a warrior. Eager to make her mother proud she joins forming a friendship with the mysterious master and serving as one final challenge for the Kombatants.

Fireball: Koran shoots four green fireballs from her arms.

Leaping Stomp: Goro jumps off the screen and lands butt first on the opponent with a yelp.

Shokan Pummel: Koran grabs the opponent in her bottom hands, then palms the opponents face with her upper hands, and either smashes them on the ground or flings them across the arena.

Tremor Pound: Koran jumps at the ground with all her arms making an earthquake which damages any ground bound opponent.

Brutality 1- Shokan Pretzel: Koran grabs her opponent by their four limbs and stretches them out making them scream in pain. She then twists them up into a ball before dropping them to the ground and placing a foot atop of them.

Brutality 2- Princess of Pain: Koran jabs her opponent in the gut with her lower hands and causes them to keel over. They leave themselves open for her to grab and hold them upside down. Before leaping high into the air and delivering a brutal piledriver that cracks the earth, the opponent's skull, and rattles their spine!

Friendship: Koran grabs her opponent and starts to juggle them with various other objects, making the two laugh as she does

Connie Tsung (Final Boss, 12)- The last plan of the Villainous Shang Tsung. Made from his flesh pits with his own DNA and the DNA of another, the blood of the sorcerer runs through her veins. Capable of using his magic as well as some of her own she has set up this tournament in hopes of getting enough powerful souls to help her enter Shang Tsung's Vault and gain access to the well of souls within, believing it will give her unfathomable power so that she may rule the realms one day. But is that what she really wants? She shows hesitancy in this mission and kindness towards others. Plus with the right words you can throw her off guard and she shows a lot of Awkwardness. But even with all that she is the final challenge able to mimic her opponents, cast spells, and while she can’t fully absorb a soul it will be enough to down anyone foolish enough to face her.

Flaming Skulls: Connie Tsung sends a fiery skull flying at her opponent. Can throw 3 in quick succession.

Flaming Skull Eruption: ConnieTsung summons her fiery skulls to burst out of the ground in a series of three, directed towards her.

Soul Steal: Connie Tsung steals a small portion of his opponent's life force adding it to her own.

Body Switch: Reading from a mystic scroll, Connie Tsung will switch places with her opponent.

Soul Strike: Connie sends out a soul double of one of the characters to attack using their signature move. They will also take a hit for her if they are in the way.

Soul Pawn: After taking enough hits Connie will jump out of the battle arena and create a Soul double of one of the fighters to fight for her instead. They will have all the moves they do but be slightly quicker to defeat than normal, Beating them will get connie back in the fight

Brutality 1- Soul Beatdown: Connie pulls out her scroll and reads from it summoning sould pawns of all the fighters. They all wail on the opponent before Connie comes in from above stomping down on their face into the ground. She wipes her shoe on their head before she and all the pawns bow.

Brutality 2- YOUR SOUL IS MINE: Connie says “Your soul is mine” before grabbing her opponent off the ground. Their souls goes into her as their flailing gets weaker and their body becomes grey. Connie then throws them to the ground breathing heavily as they squirm weakly.

Friendship: Connie folds her legs and floats in the air as she pulls out Unfamiliar Familiar. She then starts reading out loud her opponent sitting down as they listen soon being joined by the soul pawns who listen on intently.

Stages: All stages are connected and have transitions that can do damage to you opponent when hit through the correct side of the arena.

Island Gates/The Beach: Where your Journey starts. If you hit your opponent through the Island gates they will fall down the steps and crash on the sandy Beach. If you hit your opponent near the stage on the Beach they will be sent flying and crash through the Island gates

Courtyard/The Garden: Where a lot of the battles  are supposed to take place. However getting hit out of the ring will send you into the Garden. And if you are hit into the Garden’s pond a monstrous plant will grab you, swing ya around and fling ya back into the arena.

The Pit: An iconic arena of Mortal Kombat, though time was not kind to it. Blood, guts and time have withered the once sharp edges into dull points. Being hit near the edge will send you falling, bouncing off the now dull points, softening your fall before you land on your face still alive but in a whole lotta pain.

Warrior Shrine/The Bathhouse: A monument to the Kombatants of Mortal Kombat 1. Being punched at the Goro Statue will send you flying over an edge and crashing into the bathhouse. Being uppercutted in the bathhouse will send you flying into a fountain that will rocket you back to the shrine.

Throne Room/Goro's Lair: The great hall where you meet the master of the tournament. Getting uppercutted in the center will send you crashing into a chandelier causing it to fall through the floor into Goro’s  Lair. Being uppercutted in the Lair will send you through the ceiling back to the throne room.

The Vault Doors/The Well of Souls: The site of the final battle. Being kicked through the doors will send you to the Well of souls for the final battle.

Minigames: Throughout the arcade mode depending on the difficulty you will deal with 1, 2, 3, or 4 minigames for extra points.

Test Your Might: Face off against another opponent as you try to break through objects for points. Are you strong enough?

Test Your Strike: Face off against another opponent as you try to break a specific object  without breaking what's around it. Knowing restraint is key here.

Test Your Sight: Face off against another opponent as Connie places a coin under a cup and uses her magic to shift them about. Can you find the coin? She will use anywhere to 3-7 cups.

Test Your Balance: Face off against another opponent as you both balance on a board while dodging objects thrown at you. First to fall loses.

Test Your Luck: Face off against another opponent as Connie selects 3-7 random spells from her scroll which will create stage hazards, buffs, and de-buffs. Are you feeling lucky today?

Cinematic Trailer:

We thought the Kombat was over

A stormy chinese Castle gate is shown rain pouring down as a figure walks up to the gate. 

That the fighting could stop 

A throne rooms dark interior is shown, shadowy footsteps heard through the halls

That no more blood had to be spilled

Lightning Crashes revealing Absolute Zero standing before the gate. Another Crash reveals rain standing before her the two staring down as icy mist circles her hands.

That all evils were vanquished, that we could finally have peace. WE WERE WRONG.

In the main hall of the throne room Connie is shown sitting and reading a book until the barefoot of Kobra catches her attention. The young warrior looks up at Connie with disdain as she closes her book without looking at him giving him a sideways glance green shown in her eyes.

It was only a matter of time before the tournament returned, but we didn’t think it would be so soon. These next battles no longer fall on us, but them.

Absolute does some katas before taking her stance, Rain doing the same as another bolt of lighting strikes down

New lines will be drawn, new battles fought

Kobra roars out in anger setting his fists on fire before pointing at Connie. With no reaction Connie levitates herself with a green aura. Landing in front of him she calmly takes her stance as he takes his.

Heroes will rise and evil’s shall awaken.

Over Absolute and Rain two figures are shown watching above. One with kind and concerned eyes, the other with Malicious intent.

The Next Generation of Kombat has BEGUN 

A close up of Kobra’s face is shown before he lets out a battlecry and runs forward. We are then shown Absolute and Rain in mid charge and yelling. Before finally going back to Kobra and Connie running and yelling. Kobra with his fire fist and Connie with a green energy punch.

    Absolute and Rain go at it the icy Ninja throwing a flurry of punches all of which were parried easily opening her up to a jab to the face. Zero stumbles back but then shoots a beam of ice to the ground below Rain causing him to slip and land on his back. Zero rushes in and slams her foot down only for Rain to roll out of the way letting her foot crack the ice. Rain swept her leg causing her to fall back and him to flip up to his feet. And just as he got up with a “HYAH!” he threw a roundhouse to her face. With a THWACK she was sent flying back screaming.

   We are then shown Kobra flying back and smacking into a pillar before landing on the ground. Connie stood before her speaking in an indecipherable language green aura surrounding her hands as the ground beneath Kobra shook. Kobra immediately rolled out of the way and to his feet and three fireballs emerged from the ground. Kobra immediately fired his own at Connie who made a shield with her soul energy. The fireball connected with a BOOM, but as soon as the smoke cleared Kobra was flying at her with a kick. Time slowed as a KRACK filled the air, the kick connecting with her face the bones in her jaw creaking from the impact.

   Rain is shown stumbling back nursing his jaw. Zero then rushes forward creating a trail of ice before her which she skated on. She skated by him throwing an elbow to his face which sent him spinning. Zero then stopped herself and threw a flurry of kicks to his body forcing him back before throwing a punch. Rain grabs Zero’s wrist before twisting it and her arm getting yelp from her, then kicking her face as he lets go. As Zero stumbled back, Rain shot out a stream of high pressure water to her face, the Ice Kunoichi screamed as she was assaulted and sent back holding her face. Rain goes in for another kick but Zero drops back into the ground becoming Ice and vanishing letting Rain hit nothing. Zero appears behind and slams a punch into Rain’s spine. He lets out a scream as he feels his spine bend and the bones crack.

    Connie stumbles forward holding her back only for Kobra to grab both her arms pulling them back and firing a knee into her spine making her scream. Kobra then spun her around grabbing her by the hair and headbutting her before throwing two knees to her gut. He goes for another punch only for Connie to parry and grab his arm, with a “YAH!” she flipped him overhead and onto his back with a grunt. As Kobra got back to his feet Connie pulled out a scroll just as he leapt at her the scroll glowed and engulfed the two in soul energy. Kobra found himself where Connie was back turned as Connie where Kobra was throwing her flaming skull. Kobra turned around just in time for the skull to connect with his chest, making him spit out some blood as he felt his ribcage crack from the attack.

    Rain falls on his back with a grunt as Zero stands over him, she readies to attack only to scream as a Yellow bolt slammed on her back. Absolute falls forward revealing Tanya with an evil grin as she looks down at the two preparing to finish them off, only for a Pink shield to fly past her. She looks back at Steven looking at her seriously before taking a stance. Tanya smiles and charges with a battlecry leaping into the air and a downward kick only for Steven to dodge. He does a kick only for her to lean back dodging and kicks his leg, with this moment she unleashes two kicks to his body going for a third to the head. Steven however catches the kick and then slams his elbow on the side of her knee. She screams hobbling back nursing her leg only for Steven to rush in with a punch to the gut. She gags spitting out saliva as she doubles over only to be straightened up by an uppercut to the chin. Her body swayed a bit until Steven slammed his fist in the back of her head forcing her face first into the ground. Steven yells out jumping in the air and stomping both feet onto her head. A KRUNCH is heard as he lands on her face burying into the ground with cracks forming and her body jerking from the impact.

    Inside Connie jumped on her toes blocking blows from Kobra before throwing out a punch, only for him to catch it inches from his neck. Connie however quickly unfurled her fist and jabbed the tips of her fingers right into his Adam's apple causing him to gag and stumble back. Connie goes in yelling Kiai’s as she laid into Kobra’s body with a flurry of blows ending with a kick to the gut then sent him back holding his gut. Connie then raises her hand with a yell as soul energy surges around her, from behind a green shadowy figure rises up and traps Kobra in a full nelson. Kobra struggles to escape but is too late, Connie rushing in with a punch to his nose. With a BAM the punch collided with Kobra screaming out as he felt the bones around his nose begin to fracture.

     Steven’s head flew back as he took a step back wiping the blood from his nose only to lean back and dodge a kick from Tanya. She then however is able to throw a kick to his lower leg stopping his movements. Catching him instantly lays two body punches into him before forcing her palm into his chin making him spit out blood. As he stumbles back Tanya jumps forward landing on his shoulders, then with a Twist and a CRACK twists his neck and head harshly to the side. Steven screams out in pain as she jumps off and he falls to his knees holding his neck and gagging. Tanya raises her foot over his head and brings it down only for her heel to meet his shield appearing behind. Steven then quickly rolls out of the way and then throws a bubble to her face smacking her nose and sending her back with a yelp. Steven flips up to his feet and goes with quick punches to her body followed by an elbow to the face. As her head flies to the side she throws a punch only for Steven to dodge, wrap his arm around hers and then send an uppercut to her chin. Tanya could head the bones cracking in her ears as the uppercut collided with her jaw. Her brain rattled as she felt a tooth come loose.

They will Struggle like they never had before

Kobra is shown on the ground slowly picking himself up as Connie paces Blood dripping from his nose.

But it will help them be ready for what’s to come

Steven breathes heavily as Tanya stumbles before him trying to stay on her feet with a groan

The first step to becoming True Kombatants

Connie sways her hands speaking a chant as green energy surges around her. She then grabs Kobra by the head lifting him up off the ground. Connie yells out as her eyes glow green and Green energy syphons from Kobra into her making him scream.

Steven meanwhile summons another bubble in the palm of his hands and looks at Tanya as he throws it into the air. Tanya tries to raise her hand only for Steven to kick the bubble into her face, sending her head back as it comes back to him. Steven then proceeds to repeatedly kick the ball hitting Tanya’s body and face forcing her back to the large doors.

Connie continues sucking the soul out of Kobra, his movement becoming weaker and his body turning grey. Connie stops looking winded as she looks at the weakened Kobra dropping him back to the ground. Meanwhile Tanya’s back was pressed against the door as Steven jumped in the air and kicked the bubble once more to her face with all his had. The bubble impacted and smashed her through the doors before popping. Tanya groans as she lays before Connie’s feet, Connie looks up and sees Steven walk through the smashed door wiping some blood from his nose. The two exchange a small smile before taking their stances

The Next Story must be told

The two stare down breathing hard, until at the same time they both yell “FIGHT!” as they rush each other to attack

MORTAL KOMBAT/STEVEN UNIVERSE  THE NEXT GENERATION

Secrets: Like any Mortal Kombbat there are secrets to unlock. Two secret fights and unlockables for yout time.

Blaze Fight: At The Pit, Look to the Moon. Look out for a fireball gliding past - this will occur every 6th game. Win Double Flawless Victory with Fatality without Blocking at all. A message will appear. YOU WANT TO FIGHT ME? LET’S SEE IF YOU CAN HANDLE THE HEAT! The fight happens at the bottom of the pit. Winning this battle will give you 10,000,000 points and unlock him for fights.

Blaze will appear before fights to give hints how to fight him.

I am Blaze

You must Find me to beat me

You must face me alone

Perfection is the key

Fatality is the key

10,000,000 Points if you destroy me

Look to La Luna (The Moon)

Where did that airhead go?

TIP EHT FO MOTTOB (Reverse it)

Blocking will get you Nowhere

Ashrah fight: You must win 6 single player fights in a row with flawless victories. After the sixth win a message will Appear. I WISH TO TEST YOUR SKILL. COME AT ME WITH ALL YOU GOT! This fight will happen at the Garden. Winning this will net you 10,000,000 points and unlock her for play.

Ashrah will appear before fights to give hints how to fight her.

I am Ashrah, nice to meet you

Six is a magic number

Ermaca Who?

I Will Meet You In the Garden

Have you met my hotheaded friend?

Perfection is the key

Alone Is How You Will Find Me

One Day We Will Fight!

You must be Flawless

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IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU’VE READ HERE FEEL FREE TO LEAVE A COMMENT OR CHECK OUT MY DEVIANTART FOR MORE.

Special thanks to @jadpeanut​ for helping to build up these ideas

[aweebwrites]

Allies: Ch 1

Summary

Since it's birth, Ninjago has known nothing but war, and this war has been raging for thousands of years now with no victor. But the tides of war are turning, drawing close to what could be an end. The Elemental Knights will do everything in their power, under the order of Emperor Wu to stop the dark Emperor Garmadon and his army from succeeding in winning this war... But he too had his own champions standing in their way.

The race is on and clock is ticking and their aim? The Golden Weapons.

The goal is to end this war that has torn a family to pieces. The real question is: Who will do it? And really, which side is good and which is bad?

________________________________________________________________

The wind under his wings… Clouds passing by on both sides… Clean, crisp air… Sounds of distant waves and birds chirping… Peace. This is the feeling father strives for.

Lloyd opened his eye then, looking out from his tower high atop the Dark Castle, looking out at the rocky landscape spread out before him, the sky a purple colour during the night and red during the day, holding dark, spiraling clouds that gave the castle an ominous appearance. Its dark walls, its position built into a mountain of intimidating heights and cliffs gave it such a frightening appearance. But it was nothing of the sort. This place, said to harbor unparalleled evils, was Lloyd’s home for all of his life. Those who gossip such falsehood have never stepped foot inside the castle, his home. No place held more peace. Despite the never ending war brewing at their walls, inside these walls held peace and harmony. All was well here. Sometimes Lloyd didn’t want to so much as look outside. He didn’t wish to see the lands the one who had created this realm had scorched at the start of this war, didn’t want to see the rough, unappealing landscape… But there were days like today looking past these walls was all he could dream of. To see the life that managed to thrive here despite what the First Spinjitzu Master had done to it… To spots areas of land holding patches of greenery, to spot waterfalls and creatures soaring and hunting… They’re all reminders of what the future had in store for him. For them all once they win this war.

Lloyd smiled as he reached a hand up to his leather eye patch that was snug over his right eye, outlined in gold, the symbol of their land situated in the middle. It hurt.

“Prince Lloyd.” Lloyd glanced over his shoulder to see Kozu as he walked through his room to where he stood on the balcony.

“Kozu.” Lloyd greeted with a light smile then looked out once more. “I take it there is no shift in the tides of war?” He asked him lightly as the Stone Soldier stood straight in the presence of his Prince.

“No. We are still at a stalemate. The Kingdom of Fulgor anticipated our attack at the North side of the border. While we suffered no loss due to the presence of my soldiers, we’ve gained no traction either. The Earth Knight of Fulgor’s presence prevented that.” Kozu reported and Lloyd wasn’t surprised.

“I see.” Was all he said, wrapping his hand around the hilt of his sword tightly, the only sign of his frustration he would give.

For all the Kingdom of Fulgor’s greed and corruption, they were smart, tactical. The old Emperor Wu was a wise man. Getting around his strategies have been a challenge on their own. For the past year, he has taken a defensive stance against them. It was a clear sign that the old man was plotting something but not even their spies could tell what it is. It had to be of great importance, of great aid for the old man to keep under wraps so tightly. It was annoying. Frustrating. His father had always urged him to be patient but that was a task easier said than done. Lloyd blinked once his green cape was pulled over his shoulders, metallic fingers clasping it against his armor.

“Much longer in this cold morning and your eye will no doubt start acting up again.” Cryptor warned almost irritably and Lloyd faced his protectors with a smile.

“You’re right.” He nods at them.

“... Come. It is time to hone your fighting skills.” Kozu says as he turned way, all four arms clasped behind his back.

“Ri-”

“About that.” Cryptor spoke up, arms crossed over his chest, his black cape fluttering lightly in a gust of wind.

Cryptor’s glowing red eyes met Lloyd’s slitted one of the same colour.

“The Emperor wishes to speak with you.” He told Lloyd whose eye widened in surprise briefly before he nodded, walking past them both towards the door, unphased as they both followed him.

He hadn’t had the chance to see his father in so long due to his planning to try to end this war once and for all. Excitement and anticipation filled his stomach but he kept the emotions under wraps as he headed for the throne room. Along every corner of the castle halls had guards in their pairs. They were mostly Serpentine and Umbrians due to the stronger Stone Soldiers and Nindroids needing to be on the battlefield. But they are just as capable as the Nindroids and Stone Soldiers. They had to be to protect the castle. Namely, the Emperor and their Prince. Lloyd made his way by, his cape fluttering behind him as each pair of guards along the hallways and stairs straightened up in his presence as a sign of respect. Finally, Lloyd made it to the throne room, standing before the massive double doors of obsidian and precious materials. Without prompting, both Kozu and Cryptor walked forward, pushing the doors open for him. Lloyd looked ahead, eye gleaming at the sight of his father perched on his grand obsidian throne, watching them expectantly with his own glowing ruby red eyes.

“Father.” Lloyd says as he, Kozu and Cryptor bowed before him respectfully.

“... Leave us.” Garmadon spoke and both Stone and Nindroid Generals stood then walked out, closing the large doors behind them in unison.

The moment those doors closed, Lloyd launched forward, wings unfurling from under his cape, through the holes in his armor to push himself faster with a few flaps. Garmadon stood, catching him in his speed, a laugh echoing through the empty hall as his son clung to him, nuzzling him eagerly with a chorus of happy purrs, his tail wagging eagerly.

“Lloyd my son.” Garmadon spoke with a fanged grin, his lower arms coming around to support his son’s weight as the upper squeezed him into a hug. “It’s been so long. I’m sorry. I’ve been busy.” He told his son as he brought a hand up to ruffle his hair, his smile softening as his son leaned into his touch with a happy purr.

“It’s alright dad. You have to be Emperor and lead the people, to stop the war.” Lloyd says as he looked up at his father with his red eye blown wide with his excitement.

Garmadon’s smile faltered as he brought a hand to his son’s face, pushing his eye patch aside to see his overcast, milky white eye that held tiny flecks of reds, greens, blues and even yellows. He had lost sight in this eye in such a tragic way yet still beauty blooms from this inhibition of his.

“It’s fine.” Lloyd says softly as he pulled back from his father, sliding the eye patch back in place as he stood on his own two feet. “It hasn’t been bothering me or anything.” He dismissed and Garmadon frowned.

“You may be able to get away with telling that to Kozu and Cryptor but not to your father.” Garmadon spoke and Lloyd also frowns, hating in this moment how easily his father saw through him.

It was his error to mention it. If he hadn’t then maybe he wouldn’t have noticed and he would finally let him fight with the rest of his army. He hated sitting around and being pampered, especially where more and more people are dying out there.

“Lloyd…” Garmadon says, tilting his chin up with a clawed hand. “More than anything, you mean the most to me. As long as you are safe, I can rest, I can fight.” He began his lecture and Lloyd frowned but met the Oni that was his father’s gaze.

“I want for no more harm to come your way… But I’ve received most troubling news from the Kingdom of Fulgor that would no doubt turn the tides of this war in their favour and guarantee their win.” The Emperor told him and Lloyd stiffened at that.

What could be so powerful, so crucial for them to win the war? Was it a new species? Ancient magic? A weapon? Lloyd narrows his eyes as he sneered, revealing a sharp fang.

“We can’t let them win.” He says immediately.

“And we won’t.” Garmadon says, turning away from his son to walk over to the glass stained murals over his throne that depicted the birth of Ninjago. “I’ve told you the story of how Ninjago came to be many a time. I have also told you that you are the grandson of the First Spinjitzu Master, as I am his son.” He says as he stood before a depiction of three people Lloyd had never heard the tale of.

“Yes, you have. What does this have to do with the Kingdom of Fulgor’s upper hand on us?” Lloyd asked skeptically.

Was their trump card really some ancient power or weapon?

“My brother, your uncle is attempting to find powers greater than any one of us, the very same power that created all of Ninjago, forged and kept in the four ancient weapons of Spinjitzu.” Garmadon says, folding his four arms behind his back, under his deep purple cape.

Lloyd’s eyes widened in horror. They intended to resurrect the very same weapons that created Ninjago and the ones that almost destroyed the Kingdom of Penumbra?! Lloyd couldn’t hold back a growl as his hackles rose, fangs bared as his shift deepened.

“Calm yourself, my son.” Garmadon says as he glanced at his son as his wings flared open and up in his anger. “All is not lost. In fact, this is a perfect opportunity.” He says lightly, picking up a thin, spiked circlet of pure obsidian off of a purple cushion then approached his son.

“My brother intends on sending all of the Knights of Fulgor on this mission. This will leave their front lines open. The other elemental masters will be of no trouble for my army. We will be able to push them back so no backup can aid the Knights.” Garmadon says as he stood before his son, a fanged smirk on his face. “And you, my precious son, will be the one that brings us victory.” He says, placing the crown on his son’s head where it belongs, the black crown standing out in his platinum blond hair.

It didn’t take Lloyd long to read into the implications of his father’s words. He met his father’s eyes, his own glowing at the sheer thought of finally being of use to the kingdom, to finally have a chance to fight for his people getting him fired up.

“I’ll follow the Knights and steal them.” Lloyd whispered and Garmadon nodded his confirmation.

“You’ll be taking Pythor, Cryptor and Kozu with you. Each of them have mentors to take their places so their absence won’t impact the army. In a day, the Knights will begin their quest. My brother was the one to hide the weapons so only he knows where they are. I have no doubt however, that they are all in the Kingdom of Fulgor. Had he stepped foot here all those years ago, I would have known. Be careful. Don’t lose them, no matter what.” He warned his son who nodded.

“I won’t.” Lloyd vowed, red eye burning with determination.

He was just handed a mission that would either be the salvation of his kingdom if they succeed… Or its demise if he fails. Failure for a mission like this… Was not an option. He stood straight, putting his tail and wings away as he took on a cool, serious expression. This is where he truly earns the title of Prince. The Knights of Fulgor have been a thorn in his side personally. He didn’t enjoy killing but he would do what he must for his kingdom, even if it comes to that. It just so happens that the Knights are the only ones he would like to see suffer death by his hands.

______________

A shiver ran down the spine of the Fire Knight of Fulgor. He glanced over his shoulder, towards where the Kingdom of Penumbra was, orange red eyes scanning the horizon critically.

“Something wrong, Kai?” Kai looked to the Ice Knight of Fulgor, Zane as they kept guard of Emperor Wu’s sleeping chambers.

“Nothing.” Kai says as he shook it off. “Did you hear? Cole stopped a squadron of the enemy from crossing the border.” He says, looking over the lush, green land around them.

“Yes. Emperor Wu was right yet again. The Penumbrians seem to never know when to quit.” Zane says with a small frown.

“That won’t be a problem pretty soon.” Kai grinned and Zane smiled, glowing blue eyes looking out at the view ahead, at the large lake nearby, glimmering in the early afternoon sun.

“Soon, this war will come to an end at last and the world can finally know peace.” Zane says softly, awe in his voice to finally have such a thing come to pass.

The war is as old as Ninjago itself. Once it started, it never stopped, even after thousands and thousands of years. But soon and oh so very soon, the forces of the Kingdom of Penumbra will fall and peace will reign. No more death. No more fighting. Mothers and fathers can go home to their children… And those who have passed to see that day come… Can rest in peace.

“... What will you do when we finally win this war?” Kai asked Zane who blinked at him, surprised at the question.

The pale Nindroid then smiled, looking ahead again.

“I will continue to serve the Emperor and Prince. I was made for this… And I am glad I was. Otherwise, I would have never met the other Knights… I would not have met you...” He says quietly and Kai felt his heart clench at Zane’s honestly spoken words.

“... Me too.” Kai says after a moment, looking out at the sky. “It’s in my blood, you know? To protect and defend. I’d like to believe this peace will last forever but that's highly unlikely. Impossible even. As long as we’re needed… I’ll be right next to you.” He says with a soft smile, reaching out to take Zane’s hand and the Nindroid blinked at him then smiled, a light chuckle escaping his lips as he lifted Kai’s hand to press a soft kiss to the back of it.

Kai laughed too, both of them indulging in this rare moment of quiet and calm.

Unknowing to them, a person formed in the shadow of a column nearby, watching the duo as they laughed carefree. They were right about that. The war will end. There will be peace. But such a thing cannot exist by their hands. Shade faded into shadow again, moving through the castle unseen. He heard a whisper of something very interesting Emperor Garmadon will be sure to want to hear...

___________

(OwO new fic here! I’ve been wanting to freshen things up a bit and to be more active again so why not throw out a new fic? Daily updates next to MOD updates! I hope you liked it! Also what do you think about the read more line? Start adding it to my posts or do you prefer one long body of text?)

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

Political Rant: Nothing To See Here

Literally, I just need to vent for a bit, just move along.  You didn’t see anything.  Go about your business.

I can’t keep pretending that I want Joe Biden to be president.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m gonna vote for him, but only because it’s a broken 2-party system, and I would literally rather die than vote for Donald Trump.

Joe Biden is at best a moderate centrist, and at worst a mainstream conservative who acknowledges what the people in his party want without actually doing it.  The Overton Window has shifted so far right in the last few years that people are hailing him as some bastion of liberal democracy; Democrats are acting like he’s the greatest politician they’ve ever nominated, and Republicans are calling him a communist.  He’s neither of those things; he’s store brand white bread, he’s a single scoop of plain vanilla with no mix-ins, he’s room temperature with 40% humidity so as not to be explicitly uncomfortable.

He very well could win in November.  I don’t doubt his qualifications, nor his popularity relative to the Gonad Lump we have now, but he’s not going to make any substantive changes if he takes office.  He’s not going to defund police, he’s not going to shrink the executive branch, he’s not going to raise the minimum wage, he’s not going to rejoin the Iran Nuclear Deal or the Paris Climate Agreement or the WHO, and he’s certainly not going to abolish ICE and close the actual literal CONCENTRATION CAMPS. He’s going to uphold the status quo so as not to alienate the Republicans who didn’t vote for him, while driving a wedge in his own party between the old guard moderate leadership and the up-and-comers who even so much as lean to the actual political left.

Republicans are united under a common banner of cartoon supervillainy, Democrats are a party of chickens running around with their heads cut off. 

Republicans are lemmings who will follow their leader off a cliff. Democrats are turkeys that look up and drown when it rains.

There are no progressive Democrats in any real positions of power; their voices are being drowned out by the career politicians who would rather compromise with the right than fight for anything they claim to want.  Democrats will bend over backwards to reach across the aisle for the sake of bipartisanship, but Republicans would never budge an inch in our direction.  This is demonstrably true, just look at the last 50 years of presidents; Democrats controlled the House of Representatives for Ronald Reagan’s entire presidency, and he still managed to get a shit ton of legislation passed which fucks over the middle class and minorities to this day.

Bill Clinton was effectively a Republican, and they absolutely HATED him.  Newt Ging-bitch’s Republican Revolution?  And Obama, don’t even get me started on Obama.  George W. Bush was so unpopular that BOTH parties ran candidates under the platform of “I am not George W. Bush,” and it’s no surprise that between Barack Obama and John McCain voters chose the one who was the least like Bush.  Obama was a perfectly competent president who pulled us out of the worst economic recession since the 1930s, and Republicans hated him even more than Clinton!  The Tea Party rose up less than a month after he took office, before he’d even DONE anything!  I don’t agree with everything he did as president, in fact I oppose a lot of it (drones), but I know that America was a better place under his leadership than it is now.

And now the Democrats are kowtowing to the Republicans AGAIN, nominating an adequate politician, Average Joe, that Republicans wouldn’t complain about if he wore a red tie instead of a blue one, but even now they’re complaining about it!  They’re acting like he’s a far-left socialist because they want the country to think that his middle-of-the-road policies are WAY too radical; they want to make people think that normalcy lies to the right of Joe Biden, they want to keep shifting the Overton Window until they pick a candidate in 2032 or 2036 that will make Donald Trump look like Bernie fucking Sanders.  Republicans never shift to the left, they never try to appeal to Democratic voters, they never think twice about alienating liberals, they won’t compromise, they’d rather shut down the government than spare a dime for any even remotely liberal talking points.

I’m sick to death of this country.  I’m sick to death of everyone pretending like what we see is not what it is!  Joe Biden is better than Trump, but the bar is so low at this point that I’d feel ore comfortable with a flaming bag of dogshit in the Oval Office than the racist date rapist we have now.  I will swallow my pride and vote for Joe Biden, but I will not be happy about it.  This man does not stand for the people’s best interests.  He will face overwhelming opposition, cave to the pressure from the right, then lose re-election because I know for a fact that he’s too proud to admit he’s too old to run again in 2024.  People keep pretending like his VP is going to get the nomination, but there’s no way on Earth or in Heaven that this man is going to just retire!  This year was a vanity run; he wants to be president because he wants to be president, not because he wants to do anything.  He’s wanted it his whole career; he’s a dog chasing cars, he doesn’t know what to do when he catches one, and no, I don’t means he’s like the fucking Joker, I just think he’s focusing more on himself than the country.  What would it look like in 2024 if the president retired because he’s TOO OLD to keep the job?  The Democrats would be even bigger laughingstocks than they are now; there wouldd be no way for him to retire with dignity without admitting defeat and giving the Republicans a political victory.

He’s going to run for re-election in 2024, and he’s going to have his ass handed to him because by that point he’s going to be stumbling over his words even worse than Trump is now, and the Democrats aren’t going to blindly rally behind him like the Republicans do for Trump.  Republicans will vote in line with Trump whether they like him or not, they know their career depends on it, but Democrats won’t get in line behind one of their own because they want to appeal to everyone, even if that means ignoring the people they claim to represent.

If Trump wins in 2020, America will go the way of the Soviet Union.  You know what, no, that’s not true.  America will never break apart, it’s too obstinate.  What will happen is America will go the way of the British Empire; once a global superpower, now just a bunch of isolationist racists who don’t know they’ve been irrelevant for the last 80 years.  America will continue to alienate its allies while sucking up to its enemies, the wealth gap will widen, life expectancy will drop, infant mortality will rise, and we’ll peak in the 2030s or 40s before losing our position as the de facto “leaders of the free world.”  Under normal circumstances I’d say that’s a good thing because we have no right to force the rest of the world to do whatever we want, but the resulting power vacuum will almost certainly be filled by China which is even worse than we are.  If Trump wins in 2020, democracy dies.  His handlers will find a way to skirt the 22nd Amendment so he can run for a third term in 2024.  They’ll just unilaterally amend the constitution so he can do whatever he wants; every right-wing dictator does that.  Hitler did it, Pinochet did it, Putin is doing it now.  IF the Republicans want to PRETEND that laws still exist, they’ll have him “retire” at the end of his second term, but then stay on as a top advisor to his successor, who will almost certainly be his daughter he wants to fuck, at which point he will be president-by-proxy, ruling vicariously through her until his brain melts enough for him to disappear into the woodwork like Reagan did in the 90s.

If Trump wins in 2020, the Trump dynasty will hold power for decades.  This regime will be no different than the fucking Saudi Arabia or North Korea.

If Biden wins in 2020, we’re just kicking the can down the road; Trump won’t let himself become irrelevant without a fight.  Carter and Clinton and Bush and Obama don’t pretend that they’re still president, they don’t make their voices heard, but you KNOW that Trump will.  He will try to stay in the limelight forever, and the media will let him; they’ll report on every snide comment and contrarian remark he makes on Twitter and compare him to Biden every single day because he’s a demagogue, and Republicans aren’t just gonna move on after they’ve invested so much emotional capital into him over the last five years.  They’ve doubled down in support of him, he can do no wrong in their eyes, he’s their golden boy, the Fuhrer is Always Right; they’ll follow him to Hell and back (though let’s be honest, he’d never lead them out of Hell once he brings them there).  They’ll treat him like an elder statesman and a genius political strategist/advisor until he dies.  He’ll basically get to pick the nominee in 2024 because Republicans will vote for whoever he endorses.  And he’s going to pick Ivanka or maybe, MAYBE, Tom Cotton because he’s a brown-nosing right-wing toadie.

FUCK.

[theliterateape]

What Your Preferred Presidential Candidate Says About You

by Peter Kremidas

Hi. Well are horoscopes bullshit or what?

You know what isn’t? This 100 percent accurate assessment of your personality based on what presidential candidate you prefer. No I did not include all of them, I’m not a psychopath.

What Your Preferred Presidential Candidate Says About You

Joe Biden - You are incapable of seeing that the film “The Boy In The Striped Pajamas” is just a cynical setup for a meaningless grand tragic moment that uses the holocaust as a prop. When you imagine a Nazi holding hands with “a black” (your words), it makes you cry. Or you’re Jim Carey in awe of what this man can do with his face. If none of this describes you, then you are a moth drawn in by his teeth.

Amy Klobachar - You ask kids what they want to be when they grow up and then roll your eyes at their answers.

Bernie Sanders - That one part in Return of The King when Aragorn, the first king of men in ages after the long reign of Denethor The Steward of Gondor, says, “My friends, (Pause, “huh? what?” say the faces of Merriodoc, Pippen, Samwise, and Frodo) you bow to noone,” and then they all bow to the hobbits? It breaks you every time. You’ve got a good heart and also you think that inspiring young voters while scaring the ever loving shit out of old voters is a sound political strategy. You shop ethically.

Michael Bennet - When you first saw the character Mr. Makey on South Park and heard him say “M,kay?”, you thought to yourself, “I would follow that man into hell.”

Elizabeth Warren - You were basically Hermione when you were a kid. Fuck you. Also, so we’ve all had the experience of knowing that somebody didn’t understand what we just said because, upon finishing, there’s just a stare, a pause, and then they start nodding before saying “Yeah!” followed by something not related to what was just said but totally related to what they had previously said. You know that thing? It happens to you often. But to be fair you talk like Ira Glass and they were trying to mentally place where they’ve heard that voice before and that’s probably why they couldn’t focus on your words. Fuck you.

Andrew Yang - You have a real dope idea for an app, bro.

Pete Buttigieg - You just can’t fucking wait to talk about Shakespeare, can you? You can’t sleep without an NPR podcast playing in the background. You have a cabinet full of United States Vice President Bobbleheads. You’re especially proud of your rare mint condition Spiro Agnew because it actually reminds you of something something progressivism something accountability something Trump sigh. You want to see Donald Trump lose a debate. Badly.

Kamala Harris - There was this one time where you said, “Come on, guys. Not all cops are bad.” And then there was this weird pause and one of your friends said “Well, sure, Dayna, but I’m talking about systems, not individuals.” And then someone said, “Yeah, Dayna.” And then you got this look on your face and you said, “Oh.” And you looked like such an idiot and you really drank too much that night. Stuff like this actually happens to you often. But other than that you’re real chill. You want to see Donald Trump lose a debate so bad that he cries, shits his pants, and then starts a physical fight which he also loses.

John Hickenlooper - You’re a republican who accidentally read a real news.

Corey Booker - You consider yourself the office rebel because when they started charging for coffee you started bringing in starbucks every morning for everyone. Eventually the office stopped offering any coffee at all and now it’s all on you to pay for all the coffee everyday, soldier. You did it. People have been asking you to stop. You did it. Despite all the crazy predicaments you constantly get yourself into, you always have good advice and book recommendations.

Beto O’Rourke - When some starts speaking Spanish to you, you smile and nod your head and actually get this look on your face like you’re actually listening. You let them get through the whole fucking thing, smiling and nodding the whole time and then when they’re done you hold your palms to the sky like a balanced scale to heaven and say “Hey, sorry, compadre! No Hablo Spanish!” And then you smile like you’re such a cool person for knowing “hablo” you fucking phony. You don’t know a good senator when you see one. You want to see Donald Trump win a debate, apparently.

Marianne Williamson - You really hated The Hobbit prequels and you need your message to go to the very top. Your dildo is made of crystal. You also have a crystal made of dildo. Because, when you think about it, isn’t everything made of dildo, as it is of this Earth?

Bill DeBlasio - You’re the rare New Yorker who both hates Amazon and doesn’t smoke weed.

Julian Castro - You’re the first among your friends to discover new good music. You have good taste in it, too. And movies too, where do you hear about this stuff? I cannot overstress your eye for good media content. You should really be a writer. Have you ever thought about that? You’re a C-Span junkie who has been saying “I fucking told you so” for the past week and a half and seriously people get it, calm down. And/or you’re his parents.

*Eric Swallwell - Your children’s hands are permanently disfigured from playing catch with lit torches.

Kirsten Gillibrand - You’ve asked to speak to the manager when we go out to restaurants and stuff a lot since we’ve met and for real I’m starting to think it’s you. You think Reece Witherspoon is the hero in “Election”. At one point in your life you let it be known to an authority figure that you have something to say, and you thought they were being, honestly, like really super unfair at the time. But whatever. If they wanted to be immature, that was their prerogative, and no you were not done speaking, and you do not give neither a care nor a fuck on Earth.

Jay Inslee - Yes, it’s organic.

Tulsi Gabbard - “No kidding?” you said, “I love Hawaii. And yeah, to your point, I definitely don’t love war, if you get what I’m saying...which is, um...yes, that. That is what I’m saying...I mean, yeah.” You gulped down a slug of cold brew, anxious to get out of this conversation with your boss. “Fuck it, yeah, I support Tulsi Gabbard.” You concluded, “Why the fuck not, right?”

Trump - Your motto, “Hey, if you want to make an omelette, you gotta pay off a hooker, encourage a dictator to cheat for you, and torture a few kids.”

*I don’t know how to put this into the context of this bit, I just have to tell this story. In a post-debate interview on msnbc, he once again appealed to giving the reigns to power to a younger generation, and not people like Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders, who have been in power for, and this is really what he said, “dozens of decades”. Plural. Like, more than a mere one dozen decades.

[365daysofmchart]

Reflecting on McHart: 3x01

Long time no see! But just thought I’d make some little (as it turns out) incredibly lengthy remarks about McHart-related things that stood out to me in the season 3 premiere of The Good Fight! May or may not do more of these throughout the season--let me know if you’re feelin’ it. Obviously 3x01 spoilers below!

1. Them holding hands, (and her leg slung over him which we couldn’t really see in the scene but did in the promo) and THAT CHIN GRAB, and him indulging her, oh my! (BUT WHY WOULD HE TEMPT FATE LIKE THAT SAYING “WHAT COULD GO WRONG?” DAMN IT, KURT!)

2. I had been planning to make a clever remark about how I had so been looking forward to seeing what a home/bedroom that was truly both of theirs would look like... and then (once seeing it in the promo/promo pics) that apparently it looks exactly like a Diane bedroom, lol (which is sweet in it’s own right too, I suppose, him just letting her run with it... or perhaps her insisting they do it together but then she vetos like 95% of his ideas so then he just gives up). But then I saw the gun case with more than a dozen firearms in it so actually a Diane/Kurt bedroom seems to be a Diane bedroom with an abundance of guns. ...Which honestly kind of surprises me, especially given that they’re not really locked away. Wondering how those negotiations went between the two of them. ...Are the guns in the bedroom going to become relevant in a later episode??? So many questions. 

But anyway, further on their bedroom, THAT THING IS FREAKING MASSIVE. I know that they want it to function as sort of a catch-all space for the season so that they can get away with shooting every single McHart home scene in that one space and so it has to serve a lot of functions, but good lord, I think an entire apartment could fit in there? And HOW MUCH SEATING DO THEY NEED? They’ve got enough for--no exaggeration--more than ten in there. That’s insane. Are they planning to have a freaking soiree in there??? HA! ...It is gorgeous though, props to Beth!

3. The domesticity of their morning! He’s shaving (with a shaving brush OF COURSE and probably a straight razor) in a towel in the bathroom and her unpacking his stuff as they talk (or holler, rather) back and forth, just kind of hanging out while doing their own things to get ready for the day. THEY’RE MARRIED. My heart! 4. Diane’s increased knowledge of his guns and his preferences despite the fact that he has probably like 50 of them. How much time does he spend talking about guns and she sits there and lets him and listens, probably mostly because she just loves watching him in his element... and also because THEY’RE MARRIED and idk, I guess you do stuff like listening to your spouse talk about things you’re maybe not totally into when you’re married?

5. He called her (at work vs. her cell) while she was on her way to work, after she had just left him, but we never find out why. WHY???

6.HER HELPING HIM PACK. Ans it’s because she “saw airplane tickets on our account.” On “OUR ACCOUNT.” Something tells me they hadn’t merged much of anything before (including their lives), but they have now and it warms my heart!

7. I actually love the way they handled the hairs/her suspicions.To start with, I think it’s natural that after everything, even if they have moved forward and are starting over, even if she has worked though everything and trusts him, I think it’s perfectly realistic that certain feelings might creep up given certain circumstances. Of course exploring this in the show could’ve easily gotten into “drama for the sake of drama” territory and been incredibly messy and destructive, but it wasn’t. 

She wasn’t looking for reasons to be jealous, wasn’t looking to catch him in a trap--they honestly were “just there.” She then handled it so well, asking him reasonable questions, went on with her day, then maturely confronted him about it at home that night. (And honestly, I don’t think she actually thought he cheated, just that he was hiding something perhaps a little less than seemly that had to do with one of his “Fox blonds.”)  And then when she does approach him about it, she starts by telling him she loves him! She’s diving into this situation knowing it could be messy/hurtful but wants to preface with an “I love you” cause they are so IN THIS. Oh, also, ya know, he was being dishonest with her/lying to her, so her suspicions were totally valid. ...And on that note, DID KURT REALLY NOT LEARN HIS LESSON ON BEING HONEST WITH HER?!?!? Like he’s the most honest guy with literally e-ver-y-one else... but his wife. I think it just comes from loving her and not wanting to upset/hurt/lose her, but COME ON, MAN.

8. “I’m being paid. I don’t have a job, I’m hiring myself out...” “They pay me, Diane; it’s money. I’m not doing it because I like them!” “I’m being paid! I’m working!” That. Job. Though. His excuses are such a cop out because they obviously don’t need the money by any means. But I think it really speaks to Kurt and his pride--he loves his wife dearly, loves her strength, will always support her and is genuinely okay with her being the primary breadwinner. ...But he also still feels the need to pull his weight--to have a purpose and to contribute something financially. To “be a man.” (But again, as much as he may feel the need to play a traditional male gender role, he also has zero expectations that Diane do the same!) Because he could always volunteer in some way, take on smaller jobs, wait for the right long-term, paying position... but he’s taken that one. Because pride (which apparently trumps integrity? LOL!). (Throwback to season 2 of TGW!) Oh, Kurt... BUT ALSO SHE SEEMS TO GET THAT, because yes, she’s definitely upset about it and judges him for it, but she doesn’t even begin to try to talk him out of it, just, “Nope, you’re right. You have to do what you have to do.” She knows it’s important to him and respects that it’s something he feels he has to do! (They’ve come so far from 5x06!) As he respects that she has to do what she has to do. Like she just walks out on some kind of vague mission and he just stands there, a little confused, but like, “...Okay? Well, you do you, I guess. I’ll be here.”

9. THEIR TEASING, I LOVE IT SO MUUUUUCH. Honestly it’s been so long since we’ve seen them relaxed and playful together that it almost felt out of character for Diane for a hot minute and then I thought back and was like, “oh yeah, never mind, this is just what they’re like together when they’re not being put through the wringer by the writers!” Gasp! ...But like oh my God, they’re so freaking cute and yes please I’ll take more wise-cracking-sarcastic-sasshole Diane EVERY EPISODE, PLEASE!!! And let’s be honest, Kurt loves it. He looks at her with heart eyes and that little smirk that he can’t quite master because he’s just so in love with her even especially when she teases him. But then “Come on, come on. A little hug, please.” Like it’s not even a kiss or sexual in any way, she’s just missed him and just wants to embrace him for a moment. And given their history in regards to physical intimacy and that we can be quite certain that their sex life is still plenty vibrant, I think that a hug actually means more than tearing into each other, you know? They’ve always had that physical draw, the hug is more a product of an emotional one. (THOUGH I WOULD HAVE ZERO COMPLAINTS ABOUT THEM TEARING INTO EACH OTHER) And then, from the slightest wince she knows something is wrong and presses him on it!

10. The entirety of the “They shot you!” scene was pure GOLD. Every line, every delivery. And then her concern followed by her frantic ire and demand to know who did it, and his trying to calm her but then getting riled himself... UGH. I love it. All of it. Every bit of it. But especially... (And some lines I’ve highlighted at the bottom!)

11. Idk, but I just really love when he shows her the ointment? It just feels SO [OLD?] MARRIED COUPLE. Like, “Yeah, I did go to the hospital and they gave me this stuff to put on it, see? Here it is. Do you want to look at it?”  (And her just automatically taking it from his hand!) Honestly I clearly can’t adequately put words to why this in particular stands out to me, but it just gets me every freaking time.

12. Moment of appreciation for their bathroom (the one room that’s actually lit properly, lol) and alllll of her products and their matching toothbrushes in the middle, then that lil red car on his side (’cause they have sides, guys!). Dying to see their bedroom reasonably well lit at some point during the season (we hope) to see more of these little details! (...Also why are their towels hanging in their washroom area where it would appear that there is only a toilet???)

13. “You’re not fit to kiss my husband’s feet--a truthful man, uncomplaining, never passing the buck, never punching unless he’s punched. When did he become the exception?” After everything, after it all, after the lies and the hurt, she still believes that this man is the greatest man to walk this earth. Perhaps she now knows that he’s not perfect... but I think she believes he’s the closest any man will get. She just loves him SO. DAMN. MUCH. And then just gently resting her arm over his waist while careful to keep her distance from his wound cause she just wants needs that connection... I CAN’T WITH THEMMMMM.

14. Also, ummm... can we please get shirtless Kurt in 3 scenes in every episode??? 15. Diane uttered like 2 “husband”s, 2 “wife”s, and one “married” in this single episode... clearly the writers are as committed to defining them as MARRIED AF as we are.

And just a few other lines that stood out to me:

“I’m happy. ...Am I ridiculous?” “You like narrating your life.”

“But mean it.”

“...And it reeked of cologne, or mousse, or something, and I know that you’d rather die than use girly products...”

“...Then which of you Fox blonds is it?” (”Fox” did not sound like “Fox” upon my first watch/listen, haha!)

“You call him Eric?” “Oh, God...”

“DIANE, you’re scaring me!”

“My God, my poor husband. What have they done to you?”

“That’s why they delayed the trip, they SHOT you!”

“I can do the ointment.” “No you can’t!”

“The most important person in my life...”

Alright, as per usual I got ENTIRELY carried away, but anyway there ya go. Hope at least one of you gets amusement out of it, lol! And feel free to comment/"Ask” your own thoughts!

Happy “More McHart is only 25 hours away!” -E

[valencing]

i watched mamma mia! (2008) for the first time today and realized that the reason l0vett quit the white house in 2011 was that he got pregnant and okay, one option would've been to determine which of the three men he'd slept with recently was the father, but he basically just didn't feel like getting into it. 

he's just not gonna tell them. he doesn't wanna watch tommy, shocked, start calculating the damage to whatever white picket fence life he'd planned. he doesn't wanna see the pity in dan's eyes as he explains that he'll do whatever's right, but they need to keep this mess far away from obama. he doesn't wanna stand there like an idiot while jon immediately goes down on one knee, even though a marriage of obligation is the last thing a romantic like jon would ever want. lovett knows that maybe each of them wanted him for one night but none of them want him for a lifetime. he's just not that kind of boy.

"look, it's time for me to follow my dreams," lovett tells dan, who nods supportively and doesn't mention that lovett is the only real dream dan's ever had.

"you don't need me here, not really," lovett tells jon, and then, because jon's just staring at him without saying anything, lovett launches into a bit about how many speeches he's basically sabotaged anyway, and really he's leaving for obama's sake. "you're what?" says jon, slack-jawed, after a few minutes of this. it's like he hasn't even been listening, so lovett snaps, "ask dan," and stomps out of the room.

"if i'm ever gonna make it in la, i gotta start now," lovett tells tommy, who claps him on the back awkwardly, because he doesn't know how to touch lovett any more, not since the time he asked lovett on a real date and lovett laughed at him and said, "jesus, tommy, give me a break." 

lovett doesn't want to ruin anyone's life so he goes to los angeles and drops out of touch. he's busy being a hollywood sensation anyway – his new sitcom's a giant hit (shut up). eventually a picture of lovett in the park with a stroller ends up online and that's how jon and tommy and dan find out lovett's a dad. "good for him!" they say, but it's embarrassing when obama asks them for details and they don't have any. it hurts, that lovett didn't even tell them he was expecting.

they read lovett's interviews. every time he's asked about his daughter's father, lovett says that the father was an astronaut who never returned to earth, or a foreign spy on a dangerous mission, or a scuba diver rarely seen on dry land. every couple of years jon or tommy or dan go to a party in la or ny, the kind of party an award-winning screenwriter might attend, and wonder if they'll run into lovett, but they never do. he's always out of town, or on a shoot, or across the country, or across the world.

"do you ever wonder, like. who the dad was?" jon asks tommy once.

"some asshole, i'm sure," says tommy, looking vaguely into the middle distance.

none of them know. neither does lovett. his daughter is four by the time trump is elected and she's got dan's flair for strategic thinking and tommy's knack for keeping a secret. on the other hand, she has a gap between her teeth and doesn't know how to read. anyway, lovett hasn't spoken to dan or tommy or jon for years, so it's not like it matters.

meanwhile, tommy and jon and dan are podcasting, but it's not really catching fire. sometimes they just feel like—well—hacks. it's as if there's a big hole in their podcast right where a more searching analysis of political culture or a monologue delivered in a bad russian accent should go. they want to feel useful to the new wave of democratic activism, but they're not sure anyone except their moms is listening.

one day in 2017, after a particularly limp recording session, dan sighs deeply, yanks off his headphones, and says "this isn't working." even jon, the optimistic one, can't argue with him. so they brainstorm for ways to get people listening. tommy could give away security secrets. dan, the communications expert, could give relationship advice. jon could take off his shirt. but after they eliminate every other possibility, it's tommy who finally says it. "we need lovett."

it's like a taboo has been broken. they haven't talked about him in years. after all, each of them thinks he's the only one who slept with lovett. each of them thinks he's the only one with a broken heart. all they know is that lovett won't answer their emails or take their calls. while dan and jon process their emotions, tommy's busy googling. "next week he's dropping his daughter off for her first day of kindergarten," he tells them. "he'll be alone and he'll be emotionally compromised. this is our chance."

dan remembers the night lovett spent in his arms. lovett seemed so vulnerable and trusting. then the next day he pretended not to remember dan's name. "it seems kind of creepy and intrusive to just turn up at his house," dan says.

"look," says tommy, his heart beating faster at the thought of seeing lovett again. "do you want to beat trump or not?"

dan and jon look at each other. "we do."

and that's how lovett returns home to find the three of them sitting on his doorstep. what follows is a giddy romp in which a simple invitation to a podcast spirals into psychological breakthroughs, hidden agendas, feather boas, secret love, actual earthquakes, and freaking the fuck out, with crowds of mysteriously appearing and disappearing los angeles peasant folk who manage to be present for the most intimate revelations and plot twists. at the end, the guy gets the guy, and while to be true to the original source material the guy you wanted lovett to pick would have to become heterosexual for no reason and the other guy would have to be revealed as emotionally stunted and afraid to commit, in this version of the story the two guys who don't end up with lovett can have each other, it's fine. maybe you never find out who the dad is and you're like wtf i feel strangely unsatisfied but at least once lovett joins the pod it’s a megahit so whatever.

in the credit sequence trump and his associates are eaten by sharks while the soundtrack plays "defying gravity."

[drumpfwatch]

On the Shutdown: Stop Being a Child

So, it’s been a whole month that the government has been shut down, and I think it’s high time I start talking about it. For those wondering, I decided against deconstructing his entire wall speech. The New York Times did a good enough job of it, and I feel like giving attention to that instead of the shutdown would be the wrong choice, since the whole point was to distract. So let’s talk about what Trump doesn’t want us talking about: Trump’s biggest failure, the Shut Down.

So, the shutdown began on December 22nd when the government presented a budget to Trump (Who was accused by a 14 year old of sexual assault) that did not include funding for a wall. Let’s forget for a moment that he promised time and again that Mexico would pay for it so we shouldn’t need to budget for it at all. And no, that weird roundabout excuse he has of the new UMCA doesn’t work. First, because that’s not how the economy works. Honestly I could probably write an entire post about how UMCA is bullshit but that’s not something I’m qualified or interested in speaking on at the moment. Second, even if this new deal somehow magically got Mexico to pay for our government expenses and not, y’know, the things they are actually buying, then we should be able to filter all that money directly to the wall with the trade deal and not our congressional budget, I think, so wouldn’t that be irrelevant anyway?

Sure, that’s not a guarantee. My knowledge of the actual workings of trade deals isn’t intricate enough to be certain enough to say that as a fact, so that’s not the point I’ll be making here. I just find it really fucking funny that Mexico is supposed to be funding the thing but because Congress won’t pass a budget it’s not happening. But whatever, let’s get back on track.

The shutdown was started because of the wall, and the fact that Democrats won’t give money for it. We’ll talk about the wall itself later, but for now I want to talk about how utterly ridiculous this is. Trump is behaving like a child. See, he knows that with the Democrats in power in the House, he’s never going to get it. They won’t approve a budget for a wall, and if they don’t, it won’t ever get to him. In their response to the President’s address, Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer basically said “We’ll talk about this and come to an actually reasonable answer once the government is opened and we can actually talk about it.” Trump either knows that the reasonable answer is not a wall, or is to stupid to know and just wants his wall. Either way, he can’t get what he wants, so he’s going to scream and cry and carry on until he does, and blame the Democrats for not “playing along” when the ENTIRE OPERATING STRATEGY OF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY WAS “NOT PLAYING ALONG” FOR 8 YEARS. The Democrats are still willing to sit down with him and come to a solution, too! It just won’t be as racist and self aggrandizing as the wall, so he won’t have it. So everything has to stop until Baby Trumby can get what he wants.

Make no mistake, this is Trump’s fault. He could at any moment stop holding people’s wages hostage and try and work his wall out without this, because both the Senate and the House are passing legislation that he is denying. The ball is in his court, and all he can argue is that it’s not the way he wants it to be. Trump even admitted it was his fault, until people started to hate the shutdown.

What has stopped anyway? Well let’s go over, one by one, each of the things that has been ruined by this shutdown. First, all non-essential government staff has been sent home. They’re not doing anything and they’re not being paid, so their families get closer and closer to starving every single day. Good job there.

Of course, some of them are still working. The FDA is currently running entirely on volunteers, since the money to pay them has run out. Anyone who comes in to work is doing so free of charge and may not even be repaid once the government reopens. Not everyone is interested in working for free, either, so they’re already looking for new jobs or just using this opportunity to catch up with family. Either way, the inspections aren’t getting done. Either they’re not done fast enough to keep the food on the table, or they’re not done as thoroughly as they need to be. If there’s another salmonella outbreak during this time, it is solely on the hands of Trump.

Our national parks are no longer being run, but they are still open and people are still allowed in. We should have closed the parks, but that would’ve made America look bad. So instead we left them open without maintenance staff or security, leaving it to trash and vandals. But the janitorial staff isn’t working so the trash is piling up, and people don’t have anywhere to put it, so they put it on the ground where it gets into the ecosystem of the park. The toilets are also breaking down or getting clogged and no one’s around to fix it, leading to people just shitting in the middle of the parks because they have to go and have nowhere to go. Thankfully, some decent human beings have been making an effort to clean up the parks as best they can. These people are unaffiliated with the government, they’re just good samaritans from all political stripes who want our national parks to remain presentable. But sadly, the damage is already done. Not just because of the pollution causing issues for the wild life, but the extensive damage that is coming just from a lack of actual honest-to-god maintenance will take years to repair. When our national parks start degrading because of the terror they went through, it is solely on the hands of Trump.

Medicaid and Medicare are also affected, naturally. From what I can tell, 50% of workers were furloughed from the get go, and thus payments and transfers are going slower, but they were given one of the biggest budgets to work with, so they can last a long time. But as soon as that money goes out, people won’t be able to pay for their medical expenses. Everyone who dies because of that, their blood is solely on the hands of Trump.

NASA has also been affected, which means so have our satellites and astronauts. People living up in space would be in big trouble without the volunteers coming in to continue working without pay while they float about in space. The satellites that also monitor our weather and keep your GPS functioning need fairly consistent recalibration or they lose their orbit and even fall to Earth. NASA does good work keeping them all functioning, but there’s only so much they can do when nobody’s getting paid. If a problem happens with your cell phones, it is solely on the hands of Trump.

The TSA is in a similar boat. They have more money set aside, but by the weekend there will be no one getting paid to do the job. This doesn’t include the fact the TSA has had to cut some people to make this affordance, and that a lot of people just aren’t showing up to work because they aren’t getting paid, or, again, getting new jobs. Either way there are less officers staffing the check points, which means longer wait times for you, the weary traveler. It also means more stress on the workers, and more stress means an increased likelihood of mistakes. Say what you will about the TSA, they’ve stopped a lot of bad stuff from happening, and when they’re overextended, overworked, and unpaid, that’s a perfect time to make a move. If there’s a terrorist incident at an airport or with an airplane, it is solely on the hands of Trump.

The government shutdown is an aboherent, stupid tantrum being thrown by a lunatic that is costing people their livelihoods and damaging the literal environment. Every day that passes, more and more strain gets put on all these systems that rely on government work. All because some idiot wants to build a god damned wall. A wall that won’t help at all. And no, that’s not just my liberal touchy-feely heart saying that.

When most of the “illegal” immigrants in the US are here because they overstayed a Visa, a wall won’t help.

When we already have sections of border wall and fencing that aren’t doing shit because people are getting over it with ladders and under it with tunnels, a wall won’t help.

When most drugs are smuggled through legal ports of entry, a wall won’t help.

When the damage to the environment caused by the wall will be as dramatic as damming rivers, a wall won’t help.

When the only way to acquire the land for the wall is eminent domain, a wall won’t help.

You want I should go on? I could go on. In fact, maybe I will. But not here.

The point is the wall is useless and the shutdown is harmful. Trump is holding people wage’s hostage until the little baby gets what he wants, and if this succeeds, it will be used as a tactic in the future. The livelihoods of human beings are not bargaining chips, so this cannot stand.

Stop this, NOW. I don’t care if you’re a Trump Supporter or a mouth-frothing communist, nobody is benefiting from this. We can talk about your damn wall, fine, but depriving people and manufacturing a crisis to get what you want are not the right ways to do this.

[catherinerabus]

Educate to Eradicate Climate Change

         As I spoke about in my last blog post, it is critical that the politicization of environmentalism in America be undone. This has been an issue in our nation for the past thirty years or so, and thirty years is enough to have done serious damage to our environment and citizens’ outlooks on environmentalism. If our politicians both on the left and right took a hard look at the science of this issue, then, as I have noted in previous blog posts, we would have some dramatically different policy here in the U.S. However, citizens need to put the pressure on their representatives to start addressing climate change as a serious issue. Unfortunately, many voters still do not see climate change as the massive threat that it is and therefore politicians are not paying enough attention to the matter. On top of this, leaders like Trump are pushing the United States further into the past and jeopardizing young America’s future.

The Japan Times. 

        Although the federal government has failed again and again to assure or even address the mitigation of climate change, our constitution includes a section about the government’s responsibility to maintain its resources for future generations. “The Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment requiring the federal government to protect future generations and combat the effects of climate change” has been used in recent cases brought to the courts by young people fighting for their futures (Nguyen). These young people argue that by refusing to accept climate change as a pressing issue, the federal government is setting future generations up for failure and going against the U.S. constitution. I concur: our federal government has clearly failed to take action against climate change and, at the same time, has actively hidden this issue from the masses. As I have already discussed, this environmental disinformation system is fueled by, no pun intended, fossil fuel companies and other corporations which want to keep Americans in the dark about what’s really going on. Today, Trump is spewing fallacies to people who do not know any better; sadly, yet not surprisingly, the United States ranks only about 25 in science literacy in developed nations. America’s natural heritage is being besmirched by our government without many people even realizing it’s even happening.

        The United States clearly has some catching up to do in terms of environmental literacy. Because of this, I believe the central approach to achieving a sustainable revolution in the United States should be through education of environmentalism from an early age. It is undeniable that real, lasting change comes from a shift in people’s thinking. Additionally, I believe that environmental policy is then the way to make significant and far reaching global change. However, the only the way that these policies can be created, supported and passed is first through a change in people’s world view. And this comes first through environmental literacy. We need children to start being taught the inherent value of nature and how we impact it from a young age. The selfish anthropocentric world view of which most people grow up learning today has made us myopic and unconcerned with our ecosystems and fellow animals. We need a revolution in thinking and in people’s characters. This can be manifested through education of specifically the Earth Wisdom worldview. This way of thinking teaches that we are just one member of the environmental community and have no more right to earth’s resources than any other species. It leads us to make harmony with nature instead of continuing to play the cacophony that we have composed.  

        One way schools can start implementing this Earth Wisdom worldview is with increased contact with nature. I believe children should first be exposed to nature more than just an hour a day. Being outside is both healing and fun for kids who are becoming more and more addicted to things like television and iPads. Being in nature will support a child’s regard for and respect of nature subconsciously. Later in life, this will develop into a conscious desire to be in nature and enjoy its healing powers. Additionally, I believe children need to be taught to grow their own food. In doing so, they learn firsthand that we actually must work with nature to get what we need- food is not just given to us out of nowhere. This is also a fun and hands-on way kids can learn about earth’s magical, yet natural, processes. In the same branch, pun intended, environmental science and studies should also be taught starting at a young age and be later made a requirement for all students at universities. Solidifying a student’s environmental knowledge in a college setting will ensure that they become citizens aware of their environmental impact. Environmental education also influences a student’s ethical compass, especially if taught from a young age. This later on plays a role in who one may vote for, consumer choices, lifestyle choices- all of one’s choices. Once a person fully understands the ethical and environmental implications of their every action, it is pretty hard to go back from this and ignore the problem. I know this from firsthand experience. Before college, I hardly understood the complex and widespread issue of climate change and environmentalism. In grammar school, I learned that global warming was still something that could be debated on. I am now an individual who is deeply concerned with the future of our environment, but really just began my environmental education. If someone like me can become a passionate environmentalism within the span of just three years, imagine the quality and quantity of environmentalists if all American children began learning about these issues from kindergarten.  

        Sometimes I fear that older generations will never fully accept climate change as a reality because they did not grow up learning that it was a real phenomenon. It is important to note here, however, that I have noticed older generations such as my parents being much less wasteful than younger generations. They grew up learning “Waste not want not”, a lesson many young people could implement into their lives. However, many older people are not abreast to climate change. For example, my mother has been skeptical of the issue and does not have a full understanding of the science behind climate change because she did not grow up learning about it. Despite this, I try to encourage her to use less plastic and eat less meat. I know I can’t completely change her way of thinking, but I can offer some small tips that make her a little more of an environmentalist than before her daughter went off to college and became a hippie. This non-aggressive approach can be a way to encourage older people to make a difference. Rather than trying to change their minds, encourage a few tweaks in their habits. I believe children are where environmental values can be fully instilled and become a prominent issue in future societies; this will come through enhanced education. 

Word Count: 1144

                                                  Works Cited

Ylam Nguyen, Constitutional Protection for Future Generations from Climate Change, 23 Hastings West Northwest J. of Envtl. L. & Pol'y 183 (2017) Available at: http://repository.uchastings.edu/hastings_environmental_law_journal/vol23/iss1/2

[abdifarah]

Hotel Pennsylvania

Central Pennsylvania is weird. Homeowners string confederates flags as nonchalantly as Christmas lights. My mom, who moved to Central Pennsylvania against my protests, lives about ten miles from Spring Grove, PA, which we have to drive through whenever we visit my Aunt Darlene and Uncle Kenny right below the Pennsylvania–Maryland line. Spring Grove is a cruel joke of a name as the town perpetually smells of rancid cabbage. The smell emanates from the Glatfelter Paper Mill at the heart of the town. All the shops and services in the town either bear the Glatfelter name or use some corny paper pun in their signage. The old brick row homes that line Main Street have porches but no one sits on them. If you do see someone on the street they have an exhausted expression well beyond their years, perhaps from too many cigarettes, or possibly from years of hopelessly working at the paper mill. A cloud – both literal and spiritual – hangs over Spring Grove.

But there is another kind of small town in Central Pennsylvania. All the companies in this town are higher tech with little pollution to diffuse the sun. Power washed brick houses with immaculately manicured lawns line the small streets of Lititz, Pennsylvania. Voted the Best Small Town in America by AARP, every block has either an ice cream stand, or a guitar shop, or a quaint bed and breakfast. On any summer afternoon the sidewalks and streets are filled with happy people. Kids in their bathing suits weave through older pedestrians on Razor scooters. Fit and fresh faced adults in Tevas and Birkenstocks walk dogs, and still active older couples in Brooks Brothers hold hands while taking an evening stroll. It's the kind of town that takes the Fourth of July very seriously. Year round every house has the same 4 x 6 foot American flag fixed at the same 45 degree angle from a post of the white painted porches that wrap each facade, so as to clear up any confusion with one’s neighbor. “Oh, you’re American? I’m American too! What are the chances?” But around the Fourth somehow more American flags appear. They break out those pleated half-circle numbers with the concentric red, white, and blue ring with the star in the middle, and drape them over their porch railings. Little old ladies plant entire fields of miniature flags in public green spaces, in memory of fallen soldiers. (When exactly did the 4th of July merge with Memorial Day? Let there be no question, Lititz, Pennsylvania loves the troops. In Lititz the 4th alone cannot contain the fireworks, but anytime for about a week before and after you can expect to hear a random boom and see a starburst of red white or blue sparks in the sky.

Unlike Spring Grove, Lititz is thriving, bolstered by a constellation of steady companies offering both good paying blue collar work as well as more tech driven white collar jobs. There is a Rolex factory here. Lititz is what I assume Trump supporters envision when they pray Make America Great Again. Surprisingly, despite the overt patriotism and trappings of Americana, Lititz is not Trump Country. The cute coffee shops and overpriced bistros are populated by salt and pepper haired businessmen pissed that Trump’s steel tariffs are cutting into the bottom line, as well as woke college kids home for summer break shedding genuine tears over the separation of immigrant families at the border. Turns out a lot of white folks despise Trump as much if not more than us various minorities.

Despite the friendly faces and preponderance of liberal allies, my skin still crawls in this still uber-white small town. I am usually the only brown person in sight and while the eyes are kind I do feel all eyes on me wherever I go. I imagine walking into a dark divey bar in depressed Spring Grove and the proverbial record screeches and some grisled bartender asks acerbically, “What are you doing here!?” In Lititz the look on peoples’ faces asks the same “What are you doing here?” without the coldness, but rather with concern or surprise, as if to ask “Are you lost?” “How did you stumble upon our white oasis?” I come to Lititz regularly for work as a subcontractor for one of the big companies fueling the prosperity of Lititz, a company called Tait Towers. Most people will never hear about Tait Towers but they are ubiquitous. If you have gone to a big arena concert in the last 30 years you have seen their work, as they are the foremost supplier of decking and stage equipment for rock and pop concert tours. Anything sleek and shiny and automated that adorned the stage of that last concert you attended was probably Tait.  I get called in when they are working on something a little weirder, handmade, idiosyncratic. Over the years assisting Tait’s in-house Scenic Department, we have built a gold vinyl wrapped tiger and lion for Katy Perry, sculpted a 30 foot jungle Tree for Britney Spears, and created an ice crystal themed stage for Lady Gaga. Turns out the ladies of pop like hand made props to counteract their synthesized sound, for which me and my bank account are grateful. It's not the most avantgarde work, but the pay is decent. They put me up in hotel while I am there. For a while I had Hilton Diamond Status after a particularly long five month stay designing and building an inflatable tree for Cirque du Soleil’s Avatar themed show, Toruk. Strangely, I get asked to make a lot of trees.

This past Saturday I was leaving the local laundromat. My hotel has a washer and dryer but I still jump at any opportunity show my black face in town and mix it up with the townspeople. However awkward, I am a glutton for punishment. As I was turning the corner out of the laundromat parking lot I almost shocked myself into an accident as I witnessed a Chinese family on their porch within a row of houses. Where had these people been during those homogeneous 4th of July celebrations or during those awkward evenings I spent at the bar of the Bull’s Head, a local tavern? I suspected that there was a whole unseen community of minorities in Lititz. I remembered the handful of other black and brown people that worked at Tait. Why had I not seen this more diverse crowd during my daily coffee runs to the local bakery, Dosie Dough, or out walking their dogs or playing with their children in the evening? It seemed that the other people of color went to work, did their job, and immediately jetted home as soon as the day was done. Also, a lot of them probably chose to forego small town living in favor of the more urban Lancaster, Pennsylvania about seven miles south of Lititz.

After a few weeks in Lititz, I too found myself retreating to my hotel room after the work day. Should I go out for dinner for a little more ambiance or grab a drink at the bar with its potential for conversation. The pessimistic belief that I would be the only black person and the sole vessel to absorb the awkward stares proved exhausting. I would instead microwave an Amy’s Mexican casserole bowl for dinner and catch up on the last season of The Americans. At some point myself and the other people of color of Lititz made an unspoken pact with the white people of this sleepy town that we would do our jobs and go home immediately in order to perpetuate the belief that this was one of those ideal small towns, the kind that could be voted Best Small Town in America. When I imagine the best small town in America sadly I do not see a Chinese family, black welders, or even myself.

After years of coming to work with Tait I can confidently say that I hate classic rock. Tait is all about classic rock. The founder, Michael Tait, an Australian expat, got his start building stages for the band Yes in the 60’s. As an independent artist, my short stints with Tait represent my only times working in a real workplace with set hours. For years the shop was haunted by an omnipresent Muzak system that played classic rock incessantly. Everyday at around 4pm the Eagles’ “Hotel California”, a song written by Satan himself, would torment us. Working 10 to 12 to 14 hour days to meet a deadline, 4 o’ clock was our witching hour; too late in the day to bring any new energy or insights to the project, much too early to begin cleaning up for the day. The lyrics, “You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave” taunted me, less because of their spot on description of my current predicament but more because they’re just stupid. Hearing the same “classic” songs day after day I realized the utter mediocrity of classic rock as whole. Just competently melodic enough to be easy to listen to, unlike say punk or metal (both far superior). Lyrically the stories ranged from completely meaningless, to embarrassingly infantile, to undeniably problematic. Somehow we decided that this was the American music, over jazz, blues, funk, and r&b. Classic rock will be playing on the space shuttle we board after we successfully destroy earth and it will be playing on whatever outpost we establish on the faraway planet we colonize.

Currently, I am working on a set of nine sculptures of Elton John that will array the proscenium arch above the stage for his upcoming tour. Overall, I enjoy this work. At least it is not another tree. And as far as pop music goes I dig Elton John’s music more than some of the other pop stars for whom I have made art. However, at the end of a long day sculpting his strange bulbous nose and thin lips for the seventh, eighth or ninth time I begin to sour a bit on Sir Elton. Elton John is 73 years old (probably older since, like most performers, I assume he gave a younger age when he started out) and we are building a stage for him for a projected three year tour that will net him millions of dollars. How many black artists or other musicians of color are still relevant and can sell out arenas into their 60’s and 70’s? Maybe Stevie Wonder? I can easily name 20 white (male) musicians. We already mentioned Elton John; how about Billy Joel, Bob Dylan, Paul McCartney, Bruce Springsteen, Paul Simon, The Rolling Stones, The Eagles, The Who, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Bon Jovi, Eric Clapton, Rod Stewart, Aerosmith, Sting, Ozzy Osbourne, Jimmy Buffett? I can keep going. Were these giants of rock undeniably better than their female contemporaries or artists of color working at the same time so as to secure an undying career into infinity?

I read in an article years ago detailing some of the financial troubles of T-Boz and Chilli of TLC, that they did not have much money coming in outside of the $1200 royalty check they received monthly. TLC was a group notoriously mistreated and shortchanged by their management and record labels yet they still had $1200 a month in royalties arriving like clockwork. I can barely begin to fathom what a group like the Rolling Stones receives in regular royalties. At any moment a Rolling Stones song plays somewhere on this blue planet. I hypothesize that the proliferation of classic rock around the world may be the biggest form of white welfare. According to the website, Inside Philanthropy, Jimmy Buffett is worth $550 million. He has one terrible song that he has somehow parlayed into a fortune! He is then free to spread that money among various causes or toward organizations like the NRA. Or take rock and roll’s running joke that the Rolling Stones, despite their hard living are somehow, immortal. While humorous and perplexing we all know the reason for these artist’s longevity. Being wanted, having work to do, being asked to perform, and the monetary and emotional support they afford sustains one’s life. I cannot help but feel that the melancholy that we collectively share when a giant of black music dies – Prince a few years back and Aretha Franklin most recently – stems from the understanding that despite their great fame and success their talent deserved more. They deserved Rolling Stones level treatment. Is there a better rock and roll song that Franklin’s “Respect” or “Chain of Fools?” I should have been in Lititz making nine life-size sculptures of Aretha Franklin and not Elton John.

The last time I arrived at Tait to work on a project I noticed the absence of the Muzak system. Every department now controlled their own music. Sometimes someone plays from their Spotify or Apple Music or we just put on the radio. Much to my chagrin and confusion, somehow the Freddy Kruger of classic rock continues to haunt me even with my mostly young coworkers choosing the music. Someone will mindlessly put on the “Beatles Radio” on Pandora, or WXPN, a Philly radio station, will have a “Throwback Thursday” traversing the entire discography of the Rolling Stones. One day during WXPN’s regular offerings (usually a mix of new rock with a few eclectic curve balls thrown every now and then) Childish Gambino AKA Donald Glover’s “This is America” came on (I too am surprised by the ubiquity of this song as I viewed it less as something to casually listen to and more as the multi-level artwork that I was initially presented with through its graphic video. But alas, the song bumps). Almost instinctively, without prompt, fanfare, or commotion one of my coworkers changed the channel. After hours of absorbing banal rock something mysterious sparked a station change. I tried to put this incident out of my mind. Soon after someone put on an Itunes 80’s playlist. Somehow 80’s music has come to mean “White 80’s”; Culture Club, Billy Idol, and all that other Breakfast Club, Top Gun, Say Anything music, completely omitting black acts, save titans like Michael Jackson and Prince. Surprisingly, a Janet Jackson song slipped onto this mostly vanilla playlist, but almost as soon as I started bouncing my shoulders and popping my neck along with Jackson’s “Pleasure Principle” someone calmly put down their tools, walked to the computer and skipped to the next song!

I work with genuinely good people. The same liberal minded white people that I would overhear furiously denouncing Trump in the coffee shop. But there was something unconsciously disturbing about a black voice coming out of the office speakers, and conversely something calming and reassuring about A-Ha’s “Take On Me,” which restored the stasis after Janet’s interruption. Was the promulgation of classic rock and other culturally white genres part of some conspiracy to entrench whiteness as the default and everything else an aberration? The truth was probably less insidious and more banal, but no less effective. Sometimes I’ll muster the courage to take over DJ duties and I will attempt to put on a more colorful station or playlist, but even I find myself squirming with embarrassment if a particular black song plays. I am conscious that, unlike those classic rock songs that we all know to the point of no longer hearing them, every word of an unfamiliar song from an unfamiliar voice conspicuously grabs the attention and appears in bold text before ones eyes, complete with a bouncing ball keeping place. This can become awkward when, say, Adina Howard’s “Freak Like Me” comes on during a 90’s Jams Playlist. I want a freak in the morning/ A freak in the evening, just like me/ I need a roughneck nigga/ That can satisfy me. Why should a song that boldly expresses black female sexuality be awkward for me? I listen to plenty of songs all day that foreground white male sexuality: AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long” or Rod Stewart’s “Da Ya Think I’m Sexy.” Or why should a rap song with explicit lyrics put the room in a frenzy? Eric Clapton literally has a song called, “Cocaine.”

White supremacy resides not only within the purview of avowed white supremacists; that resident of Spring Grove or Dover with truck nuts hanging off his gun metal grey Ford Raptor with the giant confederate flag waving. We are all complicit. The MAGA white supremacist is not the only one lying to themselves about America’s past. The liberal resident of Lititz is as well. So am I. Somewhere we all believed the wonderfully illustrative mid-century American propaganda that America was a white family behind a white picket fence and that everyone else is just borrowing space, when in reality people from all ethnic backgrounds have shared this country since day one. And to be more factual there was a time on this land mass before white people; before genocide, theft, and slavery. Us people of color need to combat this as well. We may be mathematical minorities, but we are not new here. We are not the cousin crashing on the couch, lying awake and hungry, afraid to go to the kitchen and make food, so as not to disturb the owners of the house. We need to not be ashamed of our music, our existence. We need to show up and be seen; at those corny 4th of July celebrations and especially at the voting booth, reminding all onlookers that we are just as American. Only then might we all imagine a more diverse picture when we think of the Best Small Town in America, and only then might I be freed from the hell of “Hotel California” playing on my radio into eternity.

[pwpoetry]

Q&A with Pascale Petit

M: There is a family narrative that runs through the collection, as well as the underlying theme of environmental catastrophe and extinction. Can you speak to how these two concerns parallel or amplify each other? P: I write intuitively, guided by images, the song of the line, its dynamic, and by my excitement towards the subject. The draft has to feel true. When I write well, I am playing with all these elements, it’s a serious play, but I am in a childlike tranced state. The themes that emerge in the book appear almost as a by-product – they don’t lead it.

Tiger Girl reveals the cruelty of human beings in their treatment of non-human life, and each other. If I look back on my books, I suspect that most of them are asking this question: are humans essentially good or bad? Perhaps that’s why I’m driven to examine the way that people in power treat the powerless. I’ve tended to do this by holding a magnifying glass to my dysfunctional family, in particular on my parents and difficult childhood. In Tiger Girl I focus on the benevolence of my Indian grandmother, who took me in as a baby, then later, from the age of seven until fourteen. She didn’t have to do that, so in Tiger Girl she is a force for good, and the book is in a way a series of grandmother love poems. She is this saviour, who herself was saved. Her origins are a mystery, but I’ve been told that in Rajasthan where she was born, she was taken in by her father’s white family, while her real mother was the maid. I wanted to explore her heritage, her country, but most of all – I wanted to see a wild tiger as she had done as an infant, when one walked into her tent. So, I went to India to experience the wildlife, and fell in love with it; the national parks are brimming with animals and birds!

Going into the tiger forests in open jeeps is addictive! I’d wake at four, and be at the forest gate by five, waiting for it to open. Then the rush to find tracks, to catch a tigress patrolling her realm, the theatre of alarm calls that we’d be in the centre of, a sensurround of barks started by langurs at their treetop lookouts, and taken up by the deer. The tiger hidden, but there! But I soon realised what an immense struggle it is to keep the tigers alive, as well as all the other fauna – elephants, sloth bears, mongooses, owls and Indian rollers. Poaching is a constant threat. The parallel with my family story – how my grandmother was saved by her father, how I was saved by her from more years in an orphanage, and from the “poaching” of my parents on my body and soul, is a testimony to kindness and love. It’s kindness, love and empathy for wild animals that can save them from cruelty and abuse. We only have to empathise with them to know they suffer, and to stop the suffering. The situation in India is complicated, as in many wild parts of the world, by poverty. I’ve heard and read accounts by poachers who became forest guards, who went on to protect the tigers they once poached. Their guard-work is informed by their poaching experience; they know when and where incursions into the forest will occur. But what struck me was the indifference one guard divulged in his former life as a poacher. My account of his poaching methods is recorded in my long poem ‘In the Forest’. He needed the money for food. His need killed his empathy, his victim was just a means to make money, not a companion suffering being. The animal/human predicament echoes the dynamic between a person with power (such as a parent or president) and the powerless. M: That makes a good deal of sense given how I read the book, one image layering over the next in an intuitive, almost subconscious way. What was your revision process like, and how did you determine the arc of the book? P: I started writing Tiger Girl just after the Brexit referendum. My anxieties about citizenship and possible expulsion – I eventually applied and got British citizenship – reminded me of my grandmother’s situation, and how she’d had to conceal the fact that she was Indian. I hadn’t been aware of it when I lived with her as a child. All I could really remember were certain mysteries, her tiger stories, her speaking Hindi in her sleep. I started researching where tigers were in India, and read every tiger book I could find. I planned my first trip to Ranthambore National Park in Rajasthan, followed by Kanha and Bandhavgarh National Parks in Madhya Pradesh, the tiger heartland. I went over twice, and would have gone more, but Covid-19 happened. I had no idea there’d be so many animals and birds – imagine discovering your heaven then realising it is under threat of vanishing. This is the situation we find ourselves in on this planet: the wild is a place of awe and wonder, but it’s vanishing even as we discover new species. So, what set out to be a personal quest for identity and heritage, became a story about the forests and their fauna. Of course, now, because of Covid-19, there are new threats to wildlife, not least because it’s a zoonotic virus that it is thought originated in bats, passed through a mammal such as the much-poached and probably soon-extinct pangolin, to humans. My personal experience of cruelty at the hands of parents gave me empathy with the animals that are tortured and killed. Are they the childhood of the planet? I’m terrified that we will end up as the only large mammals on Earth, our companions gone, their homes destroyed. It’s unbearable to imagine a world without forests or animals, so, throughout Tiger Girl, there are flashes of hope, clearings with sunlit birds or rare deer. There is also fire threaded through, simmering in the first poem ‘Her Gypsy Clothes’, becoming a roar in the final poem ‘Walking Fire’. None of this was planned, but as I was finishing the manuscript one year ago, our world seemed to be on fire, from California to the Amazon, to New South Wales.

My revision process varied wildly, some poems wrote themselves whole, especially ‘In the Forest’ and ‘Green Bee-eater’. Others needed many recasts. With ‘The Anthropocene’, I had the moving image of the planet as a bride wearing a peacock dress as soon as I saw the news items of the Chinese bride in hers. The image wouldn’t let me be, so those lines hovered on my desktop. But the song of the poem came later, after I’d read The Night Life of Trees from Tara Books, featuring art of the tribal forest artists, the Gond from Madhya Pradesh. I kept looking at the trees they’d printed, and reading the captions from their beliefs. One tree is called ‘The Peacock’, and the caption said “when the peacock dances in the forest, everything watches, and the trees change their form to turn into flaming feathers”. And that gave me my song. The stepped form on the page felt right and might suggest a bride’s train or poised waves. There was a particularly violent hurricane season last year as I was drafting it, so that became the theme, of climate change.

M: As someone who writes about animals--and who is enamored with them--I share your pain and terror at the thought of a future without them. How do you see the poems in Tiger Girl speaking to the poems in Mama Amazonica?

P: Tiger Girl features my grandmother and her tiger childhood, and Mama Amazonica is a portrait of my mentally ill mother as the Amazon rainforest. These two women hardly spoke to each other in the last years of their lives; they are in many ways opposites.  

Both books juxtapose a family in crisis with the natural world in crisis, and link abuse of women and children with abuse of animals and forests. But I don’t set out to do this, it’s what the poems reveal. If I take the central poem of Tiger Girl, which is for me ‘In the Forest’, and compare it to the central poem of Mama Amazonica, which for me is ‘My Amazonian Birth’, Mama Amazonica is more hopeful of a human’s rebirth in the pristine rainforest, even if that rainforest is sick and broken. What happened between the writing of the two books was Trump’s increasingly anti-eco politics and the rise to power of Bolsonaro in Brazil, followed by the election of Boris Johnson in the UK and a general global rise of fascism and contempt for the natural world. Yet, the personal story in Tiger Girl, of my Indian grandmother saving me from my abusive parents, is hopeful. And there are splashes of hope throughout the book. There has to be hope. The human psychodrama is hopeful, because what my grandmother did, taking me in for two years as a baby, then for seven years as a child, passed her strong spirit on to me and supported me all my life. Yet, even there, there is betrayal, the story of her returning me to my mother, twice, while Mama Amazonica is both my abused and mentally ill mother, and the abused mother-forest. The human drama mirrors the drama that’s unfolding on our planet – a struggle for the oppressed wild to survive. In India, that struggle is an old one, where the plenitude of charismatic megafauna is in conflict with the dense human population and poverty. The only relatively safe forests are in national parks, yet even there, there is poaching. As for my writing journey – the ‘tiger girl’ of my Indian grandmother is a character I’ve rarely written about before, though it is she who opens my very first collection Heart of a Deer, published in 1998, with the poem ‘Mirador’, that also tells the story of her death on fireworks night. In Tiger Girl I wanted to explore her spirit, how nourishing the older woman figure was, who appeared “like a goddess to me”.

M: Are there any particular texts or works of art with which you feel the book is in conversation? 

P: Tiger Girl is mainly in conversation with two artists. As I began writing the book, I discovered installations by the Chinese artist Cai Guo-Qiang, and felt very excited by them. I was first attracted to his work because of his installation Inopportune: Stage Two, of nine life-size replicas of tigers leaping through the air, shot and transfixed mid-leap by bamboo arrows. I almost felt at this stage that his work would dominate the book. I wanted to write my equivalents of his firework events. In the end, only two poems remained in my final cut: Ethereal Flowers, which I turned into ‘Her Flowers’, and Sky Ladder, which became my ‘Sky Ladder’. That he worked with gunpowder and fireworks and a ladder made of fireworks that explodes into the sky, felt a direct link to my grandmother’s death on Guy Fawkes night. I watched his film Sky Ladder, and my poem came out of the way he dedicated the event to his 100-year-old granny. The second main artist Tiger Girl is in conversation with is the late Pardhan Gond painter Jangarh Singh Shyam, founder of Gond art, whose tribe know the Central Indian forest secrets. Like him, I’m obsessed with deer and their antlers and how antlers mirror a forest. He died tragically early, but I wanted to honour him, so I wrote a poem for him, ‘Barasingha’, about the endangered twelve-tined swamp deer and how his life was changed after coming face to face with one. My cover art The friendship of the tiger and the boar is by him and I love how my publisher Bloodaxe has wrapped the Gond tree around the back cover.   As well as these two artists, a poem early in the book, ‘Surprised!’ is a response to Henri Rousseau’s painting, Surprised! (Tiger in a Tropical Storm) – I love his work! Other poems, such as ‘The Umbrella Stand’, were influenced by Jim Corbett’s tiger hunting books. William Blake hovers in the background of ‘In the Forest’ and ‘Wild Dogs’. ‘For a Coming Extinction’ is a response to the same titled poem by W. S. Merwin. In the poem ‘Her Staircase’, I managed to write about my grandmother’s fatal staircase through a re-imagining of the installation Staircase III, by the Korean artist Do Ho Suh, which I’d spent hours sitting beneath while tutoring poetry courses at Tate Modern. Two poems are even dedicated to my first love John Keats and his forested worlds.

[blairwaldcrf]

Hell is for Children

Jimon. 1600words. (flashbacks/child abuse) prompt by @claryroberts .. ao3

Jace has been tenuously nervous every second of free time he’s had since Simon had asked him to meet his mother and sister. There’s a million ways that this could go wrong, and he’s obsessively ran through every single with a slightly amused but mostly supportive Izzy. Alec was no help. Alec told him to try dating the Prince of Hell’s son and get back to him. Izzy, however, has told him that he’s silly for thinking that they’re going to be attacked out of nowhere and he’ll have to out himself as a Shadowhunter. She’s also told him he’s even sillier for worrying that Simon’s mom might secretly hate him for not being Clary or Maia or female. The only dilemma  she even briefly considers for more than a second is Jace’s worry about all of his runes. With an appraising eye and pursed lips, she tells him, “Maybe wear long sleeves for now.”

“Jace, I promise my mom hasn’t ever hated anyone in her life,” Simon told him on the way over, briefly squeezing his hand while driving. “I mean maybe Donald Trump, but that is like the lowest bar on earth. She even thought Raphael was sweet. You can beat Raphael.”

“What if I say something stupid that mundanes should know?” Jace asked him, glaring.

“Well if you’re worried about ever saying something stupid, we should turn around now,” Simon joked. Jace did not find it funny. Simon frowned. “Look, I’ll steer the conversation away from politics and you can just ask them super embarrassing questions about my childhood. They’ll never shut up then, we’ll be lucky if we ever get out of there.”

Finally, Jace cracked a small smile. “Permission to embarrass you? You must really like me.”

His boyfriend laughed. “You might be growing on me.”

“Not now, Simon, we have dinner first.” Jace replied, winking, and Simon rolled his eyes at the innuendo. There was still a blush.

His anxiety further escalated at the door of Simon’s old house, and peaked when Elaine opened the door. She smiled a bright, full smile, one that reminded Jace of Simon as she greeted them. “Monkey! I’m so happy to see you. And this must be the boyfriend!”

Jace had received a brief relief from his worry at Simon’s nickname. not holding back a humongous smirk that received him a don’t you dare glare from Simon. Immediately he found himself slowly relaxing as he let himself be hugged and said hello to Simon’s sister Rebecca.

“I’m going to use the restroom real quick if that’s okay,” Jace said, and like an idiot when Elaine went to tell him where it was he slipped, “Thank you, I know where it is.”

Both Elaine and Rebecca look to Simon to explain, but Simon’s looking at him with confusion until he realizes why Jace is staring at him. The first time Jace had been to this house Simon was dead and Clary was trying to decide what to do about it all while also trying to console a terrified and emotional Elaine. Simon jumped in quickly. “You guys know how detailed I am in my stories. Can’t shut up.”

When he returns everyone is sitting at the dinner table while Elaine grabs the food from the kitchen. He’s about to ask Rebecca for the childhood stories like Simon suggested when Simon’s mom rests a plate of spaghetti in front of him.

It’s stupid. It’s so utterly stupid. His brain barely registers the plea as he stares at the pasta and feels his heart rate quicken. Faintly Jace can hear Simon and his family talk around him but the sounds are beginning to slur together and even though he plasters a smile on his face so they can think he’s still listening, they still catch on within minutes. Is it minutes? It’s not seconds, it can’t be, not the way his body is reacting like it’s suddenly in quick sand and he’s being drug under the earth to suffocate in shitty memories.

The tomato-covered noodles sit in front of him and suddenly he's five and taking a bath, finally happy that who he sees as his father loves him enough to have this, even if he does roll his eyes. But then he's six and he's learning piano and crack goes one finger and crack goes the other and he's begging his father to let him quit because he's a child who hasn't learned to accept physical pain. His father heals him with an iratze and he wildly thinks, at six years old, that Valentine didn't want to hurt him Jace had deserved it. His father didn't want him to be in pain if he would heal it. Then he's seven and he says something only slightly disrespectful after a very long training session that has every part of him aching and his father has hit him across the face giving him a bloody nose. There's no iratze this time. Jace feels every rib break, every part of his skin bruise, every cut bleed over and over again. His childhood home, the cabin, the boat-- he hears every twisted horrible word about how he's stupid and worthless and too emotional and weak replay repeatedly. All of it leads up to the subject of previous nightmares, a flash of Valentine telling him he's not his son and the feeling of having what was once a loved one carelessly steal your life with their blade.

In real time he has made a mess. The spaghetti that was in front of him is flung across the table as his hands hold desperately tight to the edge of the table. His breath is more ragged than it's been the last thirty missions he's completed, so out of control that he knows he's close to passing out from hyperventilation. There are tears in his eyes, and more than the mess or the possible fainting, that is what gets to him. He's crying at dinner with his boyfriend’s family like some toddler over the food choice because he's too weak to forget the past.

Simon's hand is on his, but Jace has never broken down like this in front of him before and Simon’s face shows fear. The only people to ever witness this were Alec and Izzy when he had first moved in and had to readjust. Now Simon sees how broken Jace really is and why he never should have bothered. Jace should have stuck with hookups and book club, not destroying any chance of his future with a boyfriend and his family who will never see him the same.

Somewhere in the midst of Jace shutting his eyes to drown everyone else out and control his breath, Elaine approaches him. She tells him she's going to touch him before she does, ever so lightly, and Jace barely hears her tell Simon to get something. When he comes back, Elaine asks Jace if she can help and when he doesn't argue she slowly slips an ice pack on the back of his next.

The effect isn't immediate, but it's damn near close. Elaine hands off the job of holding it to Simon, and moves so she can kneel in front of Jace. She takes his hands as he’s coming back to the room and feeling more inside his body and as he tries to hide his face in shame she gives his hands a squeeze. “Honey, it's okay. You're okay now. Everyone is here for you and you're safe. When my-- when my husband died, I was with him. I watched him, helpless. I used to get flashbacks just as physically violent.”

Jace blinked, watching her compassionate expression. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry.”

Elaine shook her head and brushed his hair back from his eyes. “You don't need to be sorry here. I'm a terrible cook anyway, it'll be better for everyone if we just order Chinese.”

Jace nodded in agreement and she walked out of the room. Simon set the ice pack on the table and hugged Jace as tightly as possible. For at least three minutes they sat like that, wordless, and when Jace had shed enough leftover tears he pulled back.

“Can I kiss you?” his boyfriend asked, beautiful brown eyes so completely earnest. When Jace nodded Simon complied, lips greeting his so softly and intimately that Jace could barely breathe.

They pulled back afterward, but Simon still didn't ask what went wrong. That was the beautiful thing about him. Sure, Jace figured his boyfriend probably knew exactly who the root cause was, but there had never been a moment in time where Jace was willing to admit that spaghetti was a trigger for him.

“I'm sorry I ruined dinner, Simon,” Jace said guiltily, not meeting his eyes.

“Are you kidding? This is not the first dinner that dealt with PTSD in the Lewis household, I promise. Mom being able to relate with you on that probably means I'm her favorite second son now.”

“Don't beat yourself up, Lewis, you'll always be her only monkey.”

“Ah, there it is,” Simon said dryly, but his eyes were twinkling at the joke. “If I get even one monkey themed present for my birthday or Hanukkah all of yours for the next two years will be duck themed.”

“Even for our anniversary?” Jace asked.

“Especially that one,” Simon replied with a grin. “Now you're about to learn a lot of psychology terms from my sister who is a major, so let's decide exactly how to avoid that conversation.”

“We could have sex in your old bedroom.” He replied with a grin.

“Interesting plan,” Simon said in turn, pursing his lips. Have couldn't quite tell if his boyfriend was more frustrated, aroused, or embarrassed by the idea. “Have you considered that may not be the best way to hang out with my family?”

“Hey, you just said I was her favorite son already!”

"I see my mistake now," Simon said wisely. Jace pushed his arm with a smile and Simon laughed. "Alright, but we have to be quick."

“You’re a vampire and I’m a Shadowhunter,” Jace said in a hushed tone and a big smirk. “I think we can make it work.”

[theunindoctrinated]

Ultimate Shipping Meme

(For @willreignite for the Zaeed / Shepard (ZS) and Garrus / Shepard (GS) ships)

Put under cut because of length. 

Disagreements:

Who is more likely to raise their voice?

- ZS & GS: Shepard, she’s feisty when she’s mad

Who threatens to leave but never actually does?

- ZS: Shepard, usually out of frustration cause Zaeed can be an ass.

- GS: Neither, thick as thieves these two. 

Who actually keeps their word and leaves?

- ZS: If Zaeed is pushed to the point he says he is going then he is proably already half way out the door.

- GS: Neither, they’re devoted.

Who trashes the house?

- ZS: Shepard, probably, if it even got that far. 

- GS: Neither, they don’t push each other to this point. 

Do either of them get physical?

- ZS & GS: Fuck no, that’s just wrong.

How often do they argue/disagree?

- ZS: Zaeed doesn’t try to pick fights, but when you put two strong personalities together there is bound to be head butts now and then.

- GS: Not often if ever

Who is the first to apologise?

- ZS: If Shepard is really upset and he knows he was an utter ass, which is usually, it’ll be Zaeed.

- GS: Garrus, though it’s never gotten to that point.

Sex:

Who is on top?

- ZS: Zaeed

- GS: Garrus

Who is on the bottom?

- ZS/GS: Shepard

Who has the strangest desires?

- ZS: Zaeed’s very been there done that so probably Shepard.

- GS: Garrus think’s it’s him but he is sooooooo wrong

Any kinks?

- ZS: BDSM makes up the majority of their sex life, if that tells you anything.

- GS: Some yeah, they have their favorites. 

Who’s dominant in bed?

- ZS: Zaeed, no matter how feisty Shepard gets.

- GS: Typically Garrus but sometimes Shepard flips the book on him, this is pretty rare though. 

Is head ever in the equation?

- ZS: Yup, but usually only as foreplay.

- GS: Not really, that whole risk of allergic shock keeps Garrus from asking for it. 

If so, who is better at performing it?

- ZS / GS: Shepard, hands down

Ever had sex in public?

- ZS: Lots of teasing and maybe some heavy petting but Zaeed keeps Shepards reputation in mind, he doesn’t care about what people think of him but he wouldn’t risk Shepard getting caught.

- GS: Shepard likes to tease the hell out of him, but they’ve never gone beyond that. 

Who moans the most?

- ZS / GS: Shepard

Who leaves the most marks?

- ZS: Zaeed, and they’re on purpose.

- GS: Garrus, but on accident usually

Who screams the loudest?

- ZS / GS: Shepard

Who is the more experienced of the two?

- ZS: Zaeed by a long shot.

- GS: Shepard, but not by much.

Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’?

- ZS: Fuck, and they fuck hard.

-GS: Some mix of the two, like a tender fucking.

Rough or soft?

- ZS: Rough, though still caring

- GS: Depends on their moods, they could go either way. Sometimes you need it rough and sometimes you need soft and sweet. 

How long do they usually last?

- ZS / GS: As long as they can, which is usually pretty damn long.

Is protection used?

- ZS: Yes, Zaeed likes things safe with he’s with Shepard, mainly for her sake.

- GS: Not really

Does it ever get boring?

- ZS / GS: Heeeeeelllll no, someone is always spicing things up.

Where is the strangest place they’d have sex?

- ZS: They have literally fucked on every surface of both their houses and her cabin on the Normandy. Not really strange but impressive. 

- GS: Probably on the main gun of the Normandy, but only because Shepard teased him that he wouldn’t do it.

Family:

Do your muses plan on having children/or have children?

- ZS: Nope, Zaeed is completely against it.

- GS: Heck yeah, some day.

If so, how many children do your muses want/have?

- ZS: None.

- GS: Probably only one or two.

Who is the favorite parent?

- GS: Garrus, he tries really hard to be the fun one unlike his own father.

Who is the authoritative parent?

- GS: Shepard, but only in a good way.

Who is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school?

- GS: Shepard, the kids would ask her because they know Garrus would just go to her about it anyways. 

Who lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around?

- GS: Both, they would have spoiled children but not bratty ones.

Who turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children?

- GS: Both, like good fucking parents.

Who goes to parent teacher interviews?

- GS: Whoever is available, unless it’s bad then they both go.

Who changes the diapers?

- GS: Whoever catches it needing to be changed first

Who gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby?

- GS: They try to trade off so they share the work load.

Who spends the most time with the children?

- GS:It’s equal but neither spends enough time with the kids if you ask them.

Who packs their lunch boxes?

- GS: Shepard, Garrus tries but ultimately fails. 

Who gives their children ‘the talk’?

- GS: Depends on what species their kids are, but probably Shepard.

Who cleans up after the kids?

- GS: They work together

Who worries the most?

- GS: Garrus, he’s a worry wort about all of them.

Who are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from?

- GS: Shepard, much to Garrus’ amusement.

Affection:

Who likes to cuddle?

- ZS: Shepard

- GS: They both like it

Who is the little spoon?

- ZS / GS: Shepard, he want’s to keep her safe in his arms.

Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places?

- ZS: Zaeed, strictly to get a rise out of Shepard.

- GS: Shepard, usually just to tease him.

Who struggles to keep their hands to themself?  

- ZS: Zaeed doesn’t struggle, he just does it.

- GS: Garrus

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?

- ZS: Zaeed only cuddles when Shepard needs it, as soon as she doesn’t need it he is out.

- GS: For a good bit, Garrus usually taps out first.

Who gives the most kisses?

- ZS: Zaeed, probably, since half the time he’s ordering Shepard to kiss him even though she would do it anyways.

- GS: Shepard, Garrus is still a little awkward about affection.

What is their favourite non-sexual activity?

- ZS: Shooting things, picking fights, and drinking. Actually probably just the drinking.

-GS: Just being together, it doesn’t matter what they do as long as it’s together.

Where is their favourite place to cuddle?

- ZS: On the couch in Shepard’s house, he lets her sit on his lap wrapped in a blanket and just holds her till she’s ok.

-GS: If they are cuddling then it’s amazing, place aside.

Who is more likely to playfully grope the other?

- ZS: Zaeed

- GS: Shepard, though Garrus usually pays her back in kind.

How often do they get time to themselves?

- ZS: As often as Shepard wants them to, Zaeed lets her set the pace.

- GS: Pretty often, they try really hard to find time to be together.

Sleeping:

Who snores?

- ZS: Zaeed sounds like a buzzsaw

-GS: They both snore a little, but only when sick

If both do, who snores the loudest?

- GS: When sick it’s Garrus

Do they share a bed or sleep separately?

- ZS: Separately, unless Shepard wants to spend the night or asks him to stay.

-GS: They share as often as they can. 

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?

- ZS & GS: They they sleep together they are cuddling

Who talks in their sleep?

- ZS & GS: Shepard

What do they wear to bed?

- ZS: Zaeed just wears boxers if anything at all.

-GS: Garrus wears a pair of pj bottoms that Shepard got him. They have an earth bird called a cockatoo on them. He doesn’t get it but he likes them anyways.

Are either of your muses insomniacs?

- ZS: Shepard is and Zaeed stays up with her when he is around.

-GS: Shepard, Garrus usually makes her tea and has asked her to wake him up if it gets too bad.

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside?

- ZS & GS: Maybe, if Shepard needs them.

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side?

- ZS: Zaeed usually drapes an arm over her near her hips.

-GS: Garrus likes to wrap both arms around her and hold her close. 

Who wakes up with bed hair?

- ZS: They both do

- GS: Shepard does and Garrus finds it adorable

Who wakes up first?

- ZS: If Shepard is actually asleep, Zaeed.

-GS: Garrus and he is a master of slipping out of bed without waking her.

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other?

- ZS: Neither, Zaeed’s not normally around for breakfast.

-GS: Garrus, though human food is a little hard for him.

What is their favourite sleeping position?

- ZS: Zaeed on his back with Shepard across his chest.

-GS: Spooning so Garrus can hold her. 

Who hogs the sheets?

- ZS: Shepard, Zaeed isn’t too bothered by it.

-GS: Garrus, he freezes at night.

Do they set an alarm each night?

- ZS: Not usually, Zaeed’s internal clock doesn’t let him sleep in past a certain point.

-GS: Yup, though Garrus doesn’t really need it.

Can a television be found in their bedroom?

- ZS & GS: Nope, any of them

Who has nightmares?

- ZS: Both, Zaeed won’t admit it often though.

-GS: Shepard

Who has ridiculous dreams?

- ZS & GS: BOTH, who doesn’t some times?

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?

- ZS: Zaeed, but it mainly depends on how much he drank before he fell asleep.

- GS: Shepard, Garrus doesn’t move much in his sleep.

Who makes the bed?

- ZS: Shepard, Zaeed is usually already gone.

-GS: Garrus when he can beat Shepard to it.

What time is bed time?

- ZS: Whenever they pass out, they’re both retired after all.

-GS: Not terribly late, unless they get caught up doing....other things.

Any routines/rituals before bed?

- ZS: Not really

-GS: Garrus likes to read a little before he falls asleep. 

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up?

- ZS & GS: Shepard can get pretty grumpy first thing, especially if she has had a rough night. 

Work:

Who is the busiest?

- ZS: Shepard probably, Zaeed never really lets on to what he is doing now days other then drinking.

-GS: Shepard, the Galaxy always needs something 

Who rakes in the highest income?

- ZS: Shepard, not by much though

-GS: Shepard trumps a vigilantes budget easily. 

Are any of your muses unemployed?

- ZS: Technically they are both retired.

-GS: Nope

Who takes the most sick days?

- ZS & GS: Neither, what are sick days?

Who is more likely to turn up late to work?

- ZS & GS: You can show up late to work? Why didn’t anyone tell me that.

Who sucks up to their boss?

- ZS: Neither, fuck that.

-GS: Garrus, but only because it is Shepard.

What are their jobs?

- ZS: Shepard is a big goddamn hero and Zaeed does some shady shit on the side.

- GS: Shepard is a Specter and Garrus calibrates things. 

Who stresses the most?

- ZS & GS: Shepard, no contest.

Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?

- ZS: Shepard doesn’t feel either way, it’s just what she has to be now, Zaeed doesn’t care enough to feel either way.

- GS: Shepard hates that she has to but loves that she is making a difference. Garrus wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. 

Are your muses financially stable?

- ZS: Yeah, they are set.

-GS: Garrus could use a better income but Shepard is fine. 

Home:

Who does the washing?

- ZS: They take care of it in their own homes.

- GS: Neither, someone else cleans the Normandy

Who takes out the trash?

- See first answer

Who does the ironing?

- WTF is space ironing

Who does the cooking?

- See first answer (I take this to mean normally and not special occasions)

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying?

- ZS: They are both safe in the kitchen.

- GS: Garrus isn’t the best cook but he won’t set anything on fire.

Who is messier?

- ZS: They are both pretty clean, if you get picky it’s probably Zaeed.

- GS: Garrus’ work bench is usually an organized mess.

Who leaves the toilet roll empty?

- ZS: Neither, usually, everyone has an off day though

- GS: That’s taken care of by someone else on the Normandy

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?

- ZS: Zaeed usually has an organized mess of clothes in and around a hamper in his closet.

- GS: Nope, gotta stay ship shape

Who forgets to flush the toilet?

- Ew 

Who is the prankster around the house?

- ZS & GS: Neither of them are really pranksters.

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?

- ZS & GS: Keys are omni-tools, no one loses those.

Who mows the lawn?

- Who has a lawn in space

Who answers the telephone?

- ZS: They answer their own phones respectively. 

- GS: Joker usually directs calls to who they are for based on transmission information. Shepard usually handles the calls though. 

Who does the vacuuming?

- See first answer

Who does the groceries?

- See first answer

Who takes the longest to shower?

- ZS: Shepard

- GS: Garrus, he never wants to leave the hot water.

Who spends the most time in the bathroom?

- ZS & GS: Shepard, especially if they are going somewhere nice 

Miscellaneous:

Is money a problem?

- ZS & GS: Not really.

How many cars do they own?

- ZS: Zaeed owns one.

- GS: None, they run off rentals

Do they own their home or do they rent?

- ZS: They both own.

- GS: Homes? They live on a spaceship.

Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside?

- ZS: Zaeed is near the coast, Shepard is further in.

- GS: One word. SPACE

Do they live in the city or in the country?

- ZS: Zaeed has a bit of property but there is no such thing as country anymore on their planet.

- GS: Oh look at all the stars you can see in space.

Do they enjoy their surroundings?

- ZS: It’s somewhere to live? Sure? They don’t really care much.

- GS: They are here to work, not be comfortable. Could be worse though.

What’s their song?

- ZS: Every Other Freckle by Alt-J 

-GS: Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey

What do they do when they’re away from each other?

-ZS: Live their lives, they think fondly on the other sometimes maybe but they aren’t dependent. 

-GS: Probably getting shot at or blowing something up, all the dangerous shit. 

Where did they first meet?

- ZS: Omega

-GS: The Citadel 

How did they first meet?

- ZS: Strictly business meeting, ending in Zaeed shooting a guy. 

- GS: Lots of bullets into bad guys that Garrus was after. 

Who spends the most money when out shopping?

- ZS: Zaeed, he is flippant with his money.

-GS: Shepard, space hamsters are expensive. 

Who’s more likely to flash their assets?

- ZS & GS: Neither, that’s a good way to have to kill someone trying to rob you.

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over?

- ZS & GS: Neither, falling isn’t funny. 

Any mental issues?

- ZS: Both of them, Zaeed turns his into anger.

-GS: Shepard to some extent. 

Who’s terrified of bugs?

- No really, there aren’t many bugs in space. 

Who kills the spiders around the house?

- Space spider? Is that a thing?

Their favourite place?

- ZS: Drinking somewhere, probably at one of their houses.

-GS: Sitting in the quiet of the gun bay together. 

Who pays the bills?

- ZS: They pay their own bills.

-GS: Cerberus

Do they have any fears for their future?

- ZS: Future together? No. 

-GS: Being in a war will always make you worry about your lover and one of you not being around anymore.

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner?

- ZS: Zaeed, for sure.

-GS: Shepard, Garrus can’t afford it or he would.

Who uses up all of the hot water?

- ZS: They both use up their own hot water respectively.

-GS: Garrus, but that’s mainly because he never wants to leave the heat.

Who’s the tallest?

- ZS: Zaeed, but not by much

-GS: Garrus, he is tol.

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?

- ZS: If they are going to shower together it is on purpose.

-GS: Probably Garrus since he doesn’t have a private shower for Shepard to surprise him in.

Who wanders around in their underwear?

- ZS: Zaeed will if it is post-sex, he doesn’t give two fucks.

-GS: Neither, who runs around almost naked on a space ship?

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?

- ZS: Zaeed might hum along but neither of them actually sing in front of the other.

-GS: Shepard, Garrus doesn’t sing.

What do they tease each other about?

- ZS: The only teasing Zaeed does is sexual.

-GS: They both kind of soft tease each other about everything, Shepard more then Garrus.

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?

- ZS: Neither, they both dress themselves pretty well.

-GS: They only really get to wear armor, and that comes color coded. 

Do they have mutual friends?

- ZS: Zaeed doesn’t do friends outside of Shepard, so no.

- GS: The whole crew of the Normandy.

Who crushed first?

- ZS: Not much crushing happened. Attraction and respect? Zaeed. 

-GS: Shepard, to which Garrus was completely oblivious until she spelled it out.

Any alcohol or substance related problems?

- ZS: They both drink heavily, it’s more of a problem for Shepard though. 

-GS: Not really no, they both drink but they have to be ready to go at all times so that hinders anything developing into a problem.

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am?

- ZS: Both, probably together though.

-GS: Shepard? Garrus never really drinks enough to get drunk unless it’s a special occasion. 

Who swears the most?

- ZS: Zaeed, swearing is his first language. 

-GS: Shepard, Garrus doesn’t curse casually. 

[legionsend]

OOC

Political Rant/Venting

Don’t read if you’re not into quite emotion-ladden rants (and don’t have the minute to spare anyway). It’s just that I have no other outlet and kinda have to put this out somewhere. No, Facebook is no option, sadly, not where I live.

I’m just really disgusted right now. I’m German and I am only now really able to catch up with all the “world news”, especially with what happened over in big America the past weekend.

And I am just so... angry! Why do some bigot assholes have to blow up something to such a horrifying large scale that has left the darkest and still not fully repaired stains and damages on the country I live in? Isn’t it enough that we and even huge parts of Europe struggle with this scaring and horrible past? Are there morons overseas that have to fight for something that the vast (!!!) majority of Germans try to eliminate ever since 1945 - and even earlier?

Protest - fine. Speak up about your concerns - fine. Search for conversation and a general solution for everyone - fine.

But do not proudly prance around in your fascism and bigotry, carrying symbols and names, shouting phrases and salutes that a) are NOT yours and b) should function as a memorial and reminder to NOT repeat what happened here almost 80 years ago.

In school, we were bombarded, sometimes even tormented, with what one man managed to create out of the desperation and ignorance of a nation that hit rock bottom. Yes, I have visited a concentration camp. In the smallest of cities, we have memorials, Jewish cemeteries, statues, epigraphs, so many things to remind us of not only the fallen soldiers, but of the millions of people suffering from the fanaticism of one man. From an early age, every German kid that goes to school is confronted with all of this! Why? To NOT fucking repeat this! Ever! This is no taboo subject by any means, even if it’S certainly not what we want to discuss in our free time. But it is an actual fucking part of every child that goes to a German school!

Yes, we have our problems. We too have alt-right, a handful of power-hungry and manipulative assholes leading on a minority of under-educated and frustrated idiots. But we are fighting against it - internally and externally. We have always been. I do not agree with our politicians in 99% of the time, but despite the financial and economical consequences, I supported our current chancellor’s decision to open our borders for people in need (cue: not immigrants, but people in need). And I want to believe that we did not do this out of some stupid guilt over something none of us was a part of, but because it’s the right thing to do.

While I know about the advantages of the European Union (heck, I am benefiting from it and living in it), I am certainly no EU advocate. I am not even a German advocate. I am not patriotic because, when I was younger, we were still indoctrinated that patriotism is something bad, coming from a German person. It is only acceptable every two years during the World Cup or European Cup to show support of the German national soccer team. Yet, I like living here. Of course I have complaints, who hasn’t. But: I am not a patriot.

And then there is a group of people in the most influential and, heck yes, scariest country of the world that uses this, all this, for their patriotism? It’s disgusting. Except for the blue eyes and blonde hair, I am as - if you want to put it like this - Arian as one could be. Purely speaking about my genetic background, of course, which was the main focus of the fucking “Arian race” anyway. And you degenerative, torch-wielding, brainless, lethal, rioting, inhuman and misanthropic jerks disgust me!

And, of fucking course, you can’t discuss anything about America, nowadays, without mentioning the leading man. Sadly. I don’t know if Trump is trying to be diplomatic. Probably, in his own clumsy and unknowing way, he does. He states that he condemns violence in these “happenings” from all sides, not singling out the neo-nazi, alt-right, fascists. I can not argue against that. As a political leader, taking sides can be fatal. But sometimes, you have to make clear where you stand. And not just in some release that is issued after you get all the backlash for doing exactly that, not taking a clear stand. I actually, technically (!) have nothing to complain about his speech, but the many hours sitting in history classes, watching and reading speeches from a certain Austrian man have made me paranoid when it comes to people like this.

I might have make it seem that my biggest problem with all of this is the usage of neo-nazism by these morons. That’s not the case. As a human, I condemn all of their hateful, violent, idiotic actions. But given my education and history of the place where I live, of course the nazi imagery struck a cord with me. America and the Allies have won the war, yes. But does that mean you can not learn from the mistakes made as well? Don’t repeat what Germany, Austria, Italy, and huge parts of Europe that supported one fanatic man’s claims and nightmare-fueled visions have done! Learn from mistakes we were presented with and are still faced with in more or less subtle ways every day. Why on earth would you want to repeat something you fought to viciously and successfully.

I don’t get it. And I am fed up with it. 

[agritecture]

Four Bold Predictions by Andrew Blume

I’m feeling a bit exposed in penning these predictions. Admittedly, the safer bet probably would be to gamble your money against them. While a voice in my head tells me not to publish what I have to say; a much louder voice in my head has totally drank the kool-aid of urban agriculture.    

That louder voice is full of optimistic energy, the sort of stuff that is foundational for genuine change. So perhaps my title is someone misleading; I don’t necessarily prognosticate these four points will happen in the future – but rather – I dream of a world where this is our future:

1. By the year 2037, it will be mandated that all students take cultivation, nutrition, & wellness courses during their primary or secondary school education.

I think it’s safe to say that every parent in the world wants their child to be healthy. I have a hard time imagining a parent would ever say, “No thanks, I don’t want my child learning about how to become a healthy human being.” What I can easily see though, is how the devil is in the details.

Who will pay for these school programs and what will they really look like? Those are valid questions indeed, and I will circle back to my opinions on the larger topic of public governance during my 4th and final prediction; for now however, I want to stay on my point that the mindset and political will for this education reform will develop.

Stephen Ritz, a personal friend and the undisputed champion of cultivation in education, is already pioneering this path. If you ever have heard him speak, you know his momentum is something like a freight train of green values. Yet Stephen’s Green Bronx Machine isn’t the only community pillar fighting this good fight: there is also Teens for Food Justice, Community Healing Gardens, the Kitchen Community, and countless other organizations. Behind these community organizers’ continued action and advocacy, the momentum for teaching our growing children to become children who grow will continue.

Click here for info on Stephen Ritz’s book, The Power of a Plant

As our friends on the frontlines of education plant more seeds, the movement towards healthier children will mature. Connective tissue will be formed through new data and evidence. Studies and analytical comparisons of classrooms where students grow will prove that these children are learning about more than just plants. Waistlines will shrink, behavioral issues will decrease, and perhaps most importantly for fueling this change from an administrative point of view, test scores will increase.

Since traction begets traction, this data will be necessary to form the political will for reformation of our education system to incorporate cultivation and wellness into the curriculum. However, alongside the political will, a mature industry will need to be in place to ballast the change.

So to overcome the potential speedbumps of this evolution between now and 2037, the urban agriculture industry will need to develop to support a political push. Which brings me to my second prediction…

2.     Urban Agriculture Will be Totally Mainstream Within Ten Years

For the time being, gardening is hard work. Understandably, a vast majority of people don’t have the time, resources, or discipline to get outside and cultivate their own sustenance. Yet seemingly every day, a new kickstarter or major company announces a step towards trailblazing a new path forward in our sprouting sector.

Those new products, companies, and implementers will push the boundaries of how and where people garden. Farmbot, Agrilution, and the food computer are all great examples of ways to easily garden that would not have been feasible even five years ago. These revolutionary cultivation solutions will popularize “Agritecture”, the merging of agriculture and architecture. As people start to see Agritecture design amenities pop up in trendy real estate developments, a snowball of more people and investment will be attracted to the field. As that snowball grows, innovation via augmented investment is inevitable.

The Farmbot is capable of taking the work out of gardening.

Steve Jobs was the prophet of end-to-end user experience. With significant advances in materials science, machine learning, nanotechnology, and biotech on the horizon, our sector can and will converge with the forefront of innovation. At that point, end to end user experience will integrate into maintaining domestic and commercial Agritecture installations.

At the risk of sounding like a naïve millennial, I imagine a connected future where cultivation can be as easy as pushing the popcorn button on your microwave. Once we have that level of end-to-end UX integrated into how we cultivate, once it really is that easy, Agritecture concepts will be in every home, restaurant, office, and structure with wifi. So to circle back to my first prediction, why wouldn’t it be in our schools too?

3.     Kimbal Musk’s achievements will be noted in history as on par with his brother Elon’s

I know what you’re thinking. Talking about the next Elon Musk is so cliché. It’s like talking about the next Apple… But hear me out:

Elon is currently undisputed champion of innovation for this generation. He is the man behind Paypal, Tesla, Solar City and SpaceX - which means he has had a hand in disrupting currency, mobility, energy, and even the final frontier of outer space - four seriously complex sectors for one entrepreneur to redefine.

On top of all of those reasons to be skeptical that Kimbal will genuinely rival Elon, I have never met Kimbal, nor do I pretend to know much about his venture Square Roots. While my employer Blue Planet Consulting did complete a successful consulting engagement with Square Roots, I was not directly involved in that project in any way.

So why am I audaciously prognosticating that Kimbal Musk – a man I’ve never met – will one day rival his brother Elon; a proven once-in-a-generation entrepreneur? I have a simple answer to that: My religion is food.

I found this religion because, like you and every other human being on earth, I eat everyday. During this daily experience of consumption, I attempt to be mindful that I am merely an organic body ingesting other organic matter. This organic matter that I am absorbing and metabolizing will fuel not just my corporeal body, but my spiritual mind as well.

Yet eating isn’t the only ritual in the ‘religion of food.’ Procurement of ingredients, dining selection, and cooking are also critical cornerstones. In these processes, we create authentic bonds with ourselves and our loved ones.

Yet many, lack the ability or discipline to tap into the potential of the emotional capital in our kitchens. The constant battle to avoid choosing to ingest food that is easy, inexpensive or mouthwatering seems difficult or impossible for many; while for others, the choice for healthy food simply doesn’t exist. For anyone who falls in the above two categories, from what I can tell, Kimbal is on a path attempting to help.

In this way, I’m placing my bet on Kimbal more as a wager on the sector of food, rather than as a gamble on an individual. I am confident that an improved food system will generate massively positive outcomes, and since I’ve seen Kimbal place a stake along the same line, I trust he will go far.

So Kimbal, if you’re reading, I’d like to work alongside you in improving the food industry! I feel that your cowboy swagger is exactly the type of leadership our movement needs if we are to elbow a new mentality into the callous food system we’ve inherited. Let’s talk sometime about the path forward for how you can catch and even surpass your brother’s impact imparted on our species?

4.     There Will Be a Turning Point in History Known as The Organic Revolution

Americans today are living Donald Trump’s America. It’s a bizarre world where all of our public resources seemingly channel away from logic or compassion. Yet Donald Trump and those infected by the 1980’s consumerism-at-all-costs mentality will only be in the driver’s seat of America for a limited time. In time, there will be a changing of the guard, and millennials, the largest consumer class in history, will be guiding the path forward.

Just as I have a significant amount of faith in food as my religion, I have conviction that our millennial cohort is more caring and capable than any before us. We were raised as the most linked generation on earth. Our connections and communities in the virtual world endow us with fresh power to realize whatever we can imagine.

Ideas can and will spread through our cohort at the speed of light. Thought leaders shaping those ideas will transcend beyond the confines and conventions that bounded those before us. New ways to crowdsource helping our fellow citizens will emerge and our future leaders will use those channels to more effectively rally resources. The empathy and means to help one another will be more available than ever before!

Our current 240-year-old system of governance was founded during an epoch of pen and paper, horse and carriage, slavery and mercantilism. Since inception, it has morphed time and time again. The current incarnation is perhaps among the ugliest, however as a bright green eyed millennial, I still believe the next manifestation of structure can leap us towards utopia.

Somewhere in between the polar opposites of what we have now and the singularity-minded future we have the potential to develop, we will require a new lexicon to describe our movement. What better way to define that approach than as The Organic Revolution?

By Andrew Blume 4/19/17

Follow Andrew at @ABlumeTweets

Motivated to join The Organic Revolution? Follow @Agritecture for articles, events, and more.

** Author’s note: During certain points in this post, I referred to “agritecture concepts or the agritecture Movement.” I use the term agritecture not necessarily in reference to the Agritecture Platform that I co-manage with Henry Gordon-Smith, but rather because I feel the term agritecture is simply the most practical term. I often find terms like vertical farming, urban agriculture, building integrated agriculture, and other related lexicon to be overly narrow or clunky. **