#Tria talks

[triaelf9]

Got so mad at the news that Nick Frost might be in the shitty HP reboot that I sat down and started writing the book idea I've been mulling over.

No title yet, so my stand-in currently is "Magic School Book that would fist fight JK" lol

Also, anyone else mix up her initials & JFKs? Bc i do lol

[triaelf9]

As I said on BSKY today:

So I'm wondering if this could actually be even scarier to those in power bc they thought they had these guys on their side, if it even is him.

But now they're realizing oh shit, it could be ANYONE if we keep up systems like this.

And yeah, humans pretty universally would prefer health ^__^;

The scariest thing for them is if ppl stop doing the culture war they've been trying to rope us into so we don't notice they're hurting ALL of us, and start noticing that "wait, I shouldn't be hurting, HANG ON A SECOND"

Reserving judgement until someone finds the shooter’s Tumblr.

[emp-t-man]

oh no guys,, the doomed yaoi,, it’s eating my brain,,

[captainmvf]

Tria: "It's Tuesday! Which means we give Nibbles a knife and leave him unsupervised at Interfol HQ for an hour!"

[vee-thebee]

okay anyway. alchemy. alchemy is the big thing in tmagp. balance is huge in alchemy. it is literally the basis of almost everything in it. tria prima--balance the three primes and you can do anything from turning lead into gold to raising the fucking dead.

the oiar is trying to keep everything in balance for the good of the people. lena herself says that in 13. to keep everything going and in check, the "opposing forces" need to be monitored and balanced. they manage the externals and monitor potential externals cases to make sure things are within a reasonable margin of chaos, maybe? that's why they give them specific assignments. bonzo and mowbray and possibly ink5oul if they'd said yes. you can still do all these things to 'feed' (lady mowbray declining refreshments because she'd recently eaten right after we hear a casement about her) but we're gonna tell you who to feed on because we need to monitor it and keep it balanced.

the magnus institute in this universe was heavily focused on alchemy. sam's whole thing that he saw at the institute where that dude just,,, shed his skin after fucking up some kind of experiment, over a person that was "naked and pale and still". maybe dr welling was trying to bring that person back to life?

when isaac newton got a little too crazy with alchemy, a couple of roberts said "hey, we need to Protocol this dude". it disturbed the "precarious equilibrium". threw something off balance. balance balance balance. throwing something off balance means enacting the protocol.

they talk about the great plague of london, enacting the protocol against the entire city. the great fire of london was in 1666, which is also when the great plague is said to have ended. isaac newton's lab caught fire, allegedly after his dog knocked a candle over. ironically in this context, the dog's name was diamond.

the magnus institute burned down.

i don't actually think a "magnus protocol" exists. i don't think there's a specific protocol named after the institute. i think it's a misnomer, we're thinking of it wrong. after all, the protocol is being referenced as existing as far back as the 1660's, but jonah's notes were dated 1845.

i think the Magnus Protocol is in reference to an incident. the enacting of The Protocol against the Magnus Institute. and i think the reason that any cases or information regarding "the magnus protocol" are blocked is because the OIAR is connected to the protocol being put into motion against the Institute and they don't want anyone knowing about it (the office used to be associated with starkwall--maybe?? maybe the oiar loaded the gun and starkwall pulled the trigger?)

there's so many moving parts here and i'm struggling to put them all together without a god damn corkboard and red string.

[triaelf9]

I think the main thing is we need to stop having this conversation ONLY during presidential election years. We can't unseat the two party system without starting locally and working our way up. Or at least, working on this years in advance. So many of the people who are really outspoken now suddenly get quiet after November.

But if you pay attention to local news, and folks tracking small wins, we ARE taking back local governments, local boards. Things are moving. We just need to be as determined to make this a better world as the right-wingers are to control or destroy everyone they hate.

Frustrates me to no end seeing people say “what’s your alternative to voting blue? Stage a revolution right now? This second? Get real, you’re posting on your computer instead of firebombing walmarts.” I don’t think that you understand what people are actually doing. I know for myself, I’ve been reading more history and theory than I ever have before. I’ve been marching. I’ve been getting involved with labor activism. I’ve been doing strategic research. I’ve tried to archive and share resources. I’ve watched other people do WAY more than I ever have or probably could. I’ve seen people occupy arms manufacturing sites and hold wildcat strikes and disrupt daily life as much as possible. We’ve all seen this happening at unprecedented levels for months now. And most of all, I’ve seen Palestinians telling us, rightfully full of anger, do not ever go back to how things were before. Do not turn away from what’s happening and your own complicity in it.

This is not something that we can vote our way out of. Our state is built on the same violence being inflicted on the people of Palestine. We helped to build Israel. We are still arming it and funding the “war” right now. Even the most half hearted measures from international bodies like the UN to take the bare minimum of a stance against genocide are quashed by the US. As they always have been, our power and resources are used to reinforce imperial and colonial hegemony. That remains the same no matter who is sitting in the Oval Office. And so does our own struggle for liberation. Meaningful change is never, ever going to come from within. We force the change to happen, as we always have.

If you can understand intersectionality, then surely you can understand this: we are not going to free ourselves by sacrificing colonized people. You may vote blue, and for you it could be a matter of life and death. Believe me, as a poor disabled person in a red state who almost killed myself over medical debt, I know the stakes. But I think you have to own the fact that you are empowering perpetrators of genocide and breaking solidarity with colonized people, not even to liberate yourself, but just to bargain with the oppressor for your life. That Palestinians and everyone else who we have harmed are going to be angry and they are more than within their rights. Instead of deflecting by just assuming that no one else is capable of putting their money where their mouth is and actually trying to lay groundwork for change, just do whatever you feel you have to do and sit with the reality of the situation.

Palestine will be free, we will be free, the whole world will someday be free. But for now, this is where we are, and we won’t free ourselves by operating like crabs in a bucket. Get organized, take care of each other, commit to solidarity. Empower yourself and each other rather than the state.

[imheretofuckspiders]

tmagp 41 - THE ORGAN METAL THING explained

ok so i talked about it in my live reaction, this is just it isolated. i'm not sure if i need to spoiler the content of the statement alone, so i will do it anyway!!!

the substances alana ward's organs were replaced with all correspond to the tria prima and the seven planetary metals - these metals all have a corresponding organ, planet. roman god, angel in christianity (likely irrelevant to the podcast though), and day of the week.

tria prima

salt covering her body: salt corresponds to the body sulfur on her scalp: sulfur corresponds to soul, the soul is near the head probably mercury in the lungs: also a planetary metal, corresponds to the mind/fluidity and the lungs. her pleural fluid being replaced (the stuff that lubricates the lungs moving against the ribs) also shows the aspect of fluidity

planetary metals

lungs filled with mercury: discussed as prior spleen: lead association kidneys: copper association heart: gold brain: silver gallbladder: iron liver: tin

more information about the other associations of the planetary metals can be found on the mundus elementaris here

yippee!!!

the dangers of multi level marketing.

[masochist-marmot]

TMAGP Theory: Tria Prima

Spoiler alert/disclaimer: Written after The Magnus Protocol episode 34; also spoilers for The Magnus Archives

I don't know if this idea has been properly explored yet, but I have had a weeklong hyperfixation where I've delved into alchemy and tried to figure out the inner workings of TMAGP universe. This theory is half-boiled at best, and I apologise if I've misunderstood any of the basic concepts. It seems like even alchemists never fully agreed on them, so they're contradicting each other a lot. That being said, let's get into it.

Perspective Reset

First of all, I think we are collectively still too hung up on the Fears as entities or powers. It's very tempting to classify things with the same framework we're familiar with (and conditioned to), but I think it's preventing us from seeing the bigger picture. Prior to the end of TMA, it's possible that no entities ever even existed in this universe, but the incidents have been taking place for a long time. The creators have also explicitly said that they wanted to create a new rule set, and I doubt that they'd build it with the same blocks. Because of this, I set out to find a set of rules that has nothing to do with the fears.

Classical Elements (Very Briefly)

I will oversimplify this for my sanity and yours. We have the four classical elements: fire, air, water and earth. In the classical worldview, these make up everything on Earth. Each element has two corresponding properties, as you can see in the figure below (fire is hot and dry etc). The elements are in a constant process of circulating and flowing, breaking apart and coming together (sand into water, water into stone, stone into wood...), but fire and air are considered more active and volatile while water and earth are more passive and stable. The rest of the universe is filled with the fifth element, quintessence or aether. It is considered heavenly and perfect and completely unchangeable.

The Three Principles (Tria Prima)

Later alchemists made the addition of (first two and then) three principles that work on the elements and in conjunction with them. These principles were used to describe the alchemical process and its parts, but they also had more metaphysical implications. These are the foundation of my theory.

Salt 🜔: Aka. Corpus or The Body. Things that are solid and stable but also corruptible. The dust that's left behind after something is burned. Associated with earth, water and the property of coldness. In humans, associated with the physical body and therefore physical health. Salt is also associated with preservation and sometimes even rebirth. It's what's left behind after the alchemical stage of putrefication, and therefore what undergoes purification.

Mercury ☿: Aka. Spiritus or The Mind. Things that are volatile and soluble. The alchemical solvent or the smoke that rises from a fire. Considered the perfect agent because it demonstrates properties of both a liquid and a solid. The principle of flowing freely between elements and perhaps even heaven and earth. Associated with air, water and the property of wetness. In humans, it's the mind, or the intellect, knowledge and rationality of a person. Some seem to consider it the universal, platonic idea of thought, as mercury wouldn't be restricted by an individual body.

Sulphur 🜍: Aka. Anima or The Soul. Things that combust, but also the principle of combustibility. The flame that manifests when something is burned. Associated with fire, air and the property of hotness. With fire and air being the most active elements, sulphur is also the catalyst for change. In humans, associated with the soul, or the consciousness that links the body to the mind. It's the emotions, ambitions and desires that animate the body.

Why have I given you the symbols? Because they're all there on the OIAR logo:

(I also circled aether because I thought I'd talk about it later but decided not to, so you're free to make your own conclusions)

I currently believe that these three principles are omnipresent in the Magnus Protocol universe. They're just part of the makeup of the universe, causing no one harm. At least, when they're in balance.

The Theory - It's All About Balance

There's been a lot of talk about balance by now.

"The institute, alchemy, all of it. "It’s all about balance. Dua prima, four elements, seven planets, it’s all the same. You’ve got to keep things balanced. And if something is missing, if someone is misplaced, the equation doesn’t balance… and that’s when things get bad…" (Celia, episode 30)

Here Celia mentions dua prima, which (as I alluded to before) is an earlier theory surrounding Sulphur and Mercury. Salt was proposed as the third principle in a later theory, but by now the tria prima seem to be more widely accepted.

"Not that anyone cares as long as it all balances, right? Not too much mercury or the world ends, not too much sulfur or we all go mad…" (Colin, episode 19)

Huh.

So, let me lay out the actual theory.

The principles usually strive for balance, because it's their natural state. However, sometimes the balance is skewed by human action or some other unexpected force. This imbalance can happen on an individual level or it can affect objects (which then become "cursed") or locations (which then become "poisoned"). In fact, the Magnus Institute calls such poisoned locations loci (singular "locus"). I also hypothesise that this is how the OIAR categorises their incidents (1. individuals - 2. locations - 3. objects).

When there is an imbalance, the affected person/area/object starts to display an unnatural amount or lack of one principle. For example, if there's an abundance of salt, we may see people or things slow down, become passive, even crystallise. Bodies preserved despite obvious corrosion, infections that putrefy and then purify flesh into a "perfect" form. The clearest example I can think of would be episode 3, where the character quite literally transmutes into a tree. Or episode 23 where a character inserts a piece of coral under her skin and begins to paralyse as it grows out of her. If you absolutely have to compare to TMA, I'd say a lot of Flesh, Corruption or Buried statements would fit under salt. It is associated with earth, water and literal bodies, after all.

Abundance in mercury would manifest as things getting a little weird, unstable and volatile, but in a subtle, flowy way. Changing architecture, people seeming odd, things dissolving into others, time or dimensions being unstable, perhaps the limits of a human psyche being broken. I'm thinking of the liminal spaces from episode 8 or the pier from episode 33. The fog is an especially fitting link, what with fog being a manifestation of air and water. I also think the entire Hill Top Centre has been affected. And now that I started, you could easily make connections to the Stranger, the Lonely, the Spiral and the Eye. Which brings an ironic twist to Colin's statement. Too much "mercury" already ended the world once.

Abundance of sulphur would bring out more abrupt changes, it would twist people's passions into unhealthy obsessions, drive people to anger and senseless bloodlust, give consciousness to the unconscious and animate the inanimate. In fact, in episode 19, the character says of Newton's dog: "such a creature must by all natural law lack that essential and ephemeral anima." Another case of an unexpectedly conscious thing would be Liverpool (episode 32), who is coincidentally also incredibly angry. I also think Ink5oul's tattoos have an element of sulphur, not only because their first stolen design (sun with a dot in the middle) evokes the alchemical symbol for sun. In TMA sulphur would probably be attributed to the Slaughter, the Hunt, the Desolation or the like.

I have noticed that a lot of TMAGP incidents involve an unhealthy desire, passion, obsession or (literal and metaphorical) hunger. It's also noticeable that the symbol for sulphur appears on the OIAR logo four times (once in each corner of the square representing the elements). I don't know if this is a stylistic choice or if it has deeper implications. But it's there. And as Colin implies, it could be bad.

The beautiful part about this framework is that it doesn't set any clear limits between the categories, because the balance can be disrupted in many ways. Lack of salt means abundance of sulphur and mercury, and their distribution may also vary greatly. I also don't know if the OIAR ranks their incidents in these terms. They probably have some needlessly complicated system that's practically undecipherable. (I took a long time trying to figure out the DPHW and I'm no closer to solving it.)

End note

I have some thoughts about what the goals of the OIAR and the Magnus Institute are based on this theory, but this post is too long now. May make a follow-up eventually. Or procrastinate until they just tell us.

Edit: I have now written my theory posts on the OIAR and the Magnus Institute. Go read if you're so inclined.

[bitterrfruit]

houndtooth [7]

[masterlist]

ghost x f! reader. 3.9k words cw: allusions to sexual assault. imagined smut. 18+ mdni

he lays out your options.

The air of your cell is thick and savoury.

You choke on it, every breath, drowning in it – filling your lungs with its foul warmth and barely slaking your battered body’s need for oxygen.  

The sore minutes following your husband’s execution had blurred into incomprehensible smoke. Fleeting. Suffocating. Obfuscating.  

You are lost. Uncertain whether or not you are grieving. And if you’re not, whether you should be. 

His words were each a bullet, each meticulously calculated to injure you where it would hurt you most. Almost perfectly crafted to ensure your captors lose any semblance of pity or reverence they held for you – so that they might lose whatever restraint they’ve been attempting to maintain. So that they may do to you whatever they have been itching to do. Their exploitation justified. Because you’re just a whore.  

But in your desperation to comfort your own distraught mind, you argue with yourself. Your own devil’s advocate. 

Perhaps it was a game. Could have been a bluff. 

He must have loved you, right? After years of serving him, of acting your part, of loving him the way he wanted you to.  

He had to have loved you. You had always dreamed someone would. 

No matter the case, the outcome is the same. There’s no way back. Whatever nightmare you’re stuck in will only, only, get worse. Regardless of which pack of wolves you are left to, your fate remains inescapable. You’ll be used. Consumed. Digested. Shit back out.  

The Captain had ferried you to a new cell – the one you now sat in, atop a makeshift bed with a squealing steel frame. He had carried you like a child, an arm under your knees and an arm under your neck, he let your head fall on his chest despite your fading effort to stay skittish and defensive. His charity disingenuous. White knight he is. 

But you’re weak. Exhausted. Delirious.  

You sit in dead silence, knees tucked up tightly to your chin, body only partially dry after your water torture.  

The Captain stands in front of you. Hands magisterially on his hips, he pouts under his beard. Wrestling with how best to interact with you, like you’re an animal in an exhibit. Careful not to scare you off, but frightened you’d bite if he gets too close.  

“There were no bullets in the gun, by the way,” he says gruffly, voice hoarse like he’s gargling gravel. “I wasn’t going to kill you. It was a… a bluff.”  

You say nothing. Give him nothing. You glower at him from under your brow, hoping he leaves so you can finally lie down and cry like a hurt little girl.  

“Can I get you something? Water?”  

You say nothing.  

“Look. We’re – we’re not going to hurt you. But I need you to answer some questions, alright?” He insists. “We need to know about who your husband worked with. I’m guessing he must have called them his colleagues, eh?” 

Give him nothing.  

“Do you know a Vladimir? Makarov?”  

That name, you know. You know it well. You know it like an apple knows teeth. Like a deer knows an arrow. Like a carcass knows a knife.  

Less so a colleague and more a rival. Two lions fighting for the same throne. Vladimir hated your husband so viciously it wouldn’t surprise you if he had orchestrated this entire series of events just to be rid of him.  

But the enmity between he and your husband isn’t what strikes icy shards of terror through your chest. Isn’t what churns your stomach and pushes dark bile up your throat. 

You swallow. 

“Mh. Looks like you do know him,” he grunts, crossing his arms over his broad chest, rocking on his boots. “Can you tell me about him?” 

He persists in his questioning, despite your sealed lips. You know that talking might help you. That spilling your vague knowledge like water from a faucet might ingratiate you. Might earn your freedom.  

But what freedom awaits you?  

If these soldiers cast you back to your blood-soaked estate, or your petit trianon – as a traitor of your husband, a scorned widow – you will simply be bait. Raw meat to lure bears. Honey to lure wasps. There is nowhere you could possibly hide to evade them, no scheme to outsmart them.  

You’d be better off dead.  

“When was the last time you saw him?”  

“Did he come to your estate a lot? Did he travel with your husband?”  

“Have you ever spoken to him?” 

“Does he know you?” 

“Could he help you?”  

“Where is he?”  

He leans forward, props himself up with his palms on his knees. His blue eyes are piercing, discerning. “Do you know where he is?” He insists, “Mia. I’m trying to help you.”  

You say nothing. 

He is quick to grow frustrated, grunting like a bear and standing upright, he rubs his temples in exasperation as if you’ve given him a headache.  

“You don’t want to talk to me. Okay.”  

Give him nothing.  

“Who will you talk to? Anyone?” He presses, tapping his boot in impatience. “Do you want to talk to the Lieutenant?”  

You say nothing – but some shift in your expression must have said something for you. You’re not sure if it was the widening of your eyes, the softening of your brows, the loosening of your shoulders – but he spotted it. And nodded slowly. Knowingly.  

“Alright, love. I’ll go get him. Then you’ll talk to him, eh?”  

“Simon,” came the gruff bark of Price’s familiar voice. Irate.  

Ghost sat on a bench in the empty mess hall, under a flickering fluorescent bar. Bouncing his knee, leaning his elbows on the table in front of him, he pinches a cheap Russian cigarette and holds it between his teeth.  

Tastes like shit. Does the job.  

“What,” he grunts, swivelling on the bench so that he faces out towards the approaching Captain. “Did she kick y’in the head, too?”  

Price only frowns, confused and plainly irritated, he comes to a stop before him and crosses his arms. “No,” he puzzles. “She kicked you, eh? That’ll learn you.”  

Leaning back indolently, Ghost tugs the base of his balaclava back over his mouth, tucking it under his jaw. Squishes the butt into the plastic surface of the table behind him.  “Not me.”  

“Mh,” the Captain acquiesces. “She does seem to like you.”  

Ghost only scoffs, not quite a laugh, but carries the same disbelieving amusement. “Right,” he chuffs, “for killing her husband?”  

“Possibly,” Price shrugs derisively, “beats me.”  

“Has she said anything?”  

He shakes his head. “Nothing. Like talking to a brick wall,” the Captain complains. “A pretty little brick wall.”  

Ghost rolls his eyes, turning his head to look at the open door to the hall. He rubs his brow vexedly with his thumb. And you chide me, you hypocritical prick.  

“She’ll talk to you,” Price insists.  

“Why the fuck would she talk to me?” Ghost retorts. “I waterboarded her.”  

“I asked her.” 

“What, and she requested me?”  

Price tilts his head, a lazy shrug. “Not in so many words.”  

“Right. So you’re full of shit.”  

“Jesus, Simon. Don’t make me order you,” Price sneers, “No clue why she’s interested in you, but, you never know with women like that, eh?”  

His stomach churns at Price’s insinuation. Must have taken your cunt husband’s ramblings at face value. Rookie error for a captain.   

Ghost bounces his knee in annoyance. “Just let her sleep, for fuck’s sake. She’s probably delirious.” 

“Exactly,” Price nods. “She’ll be nice and compliant, eh? Open to persuasion.” 

He's right. Ghost is playing dumb. He’s very familiar with the game, so fluent in the art of exploitation that he could do it with his eyes closed. Beaten, defeated, worn down to a quivering mess is when you’ll be most susceptible to influence. The most pliable.  

Letting you sleep, allowing you to recover your strength as you cocoon yourself in your shell is a surefire way to ensure you never utter another word. He can’t let your fear bubble into spite, into anger, into vengeance. He must kick you when you’re down.  

But – he's tired. He’s already fucking sick of it. Sick of being confused by his own repulsion. Sick of his pathetic eyes raking over your body despite his efforts to restrain it. Sick of your eyes looking through him like you know him better than himself.  

“Too delirious to give us anything useful,” Ghost clarifies, through teeth.  

“I don’t give a shit about whatever vapid rumours she has about Zakhaev. It’s pretty clear she knows nothing about his enterprise.”  

“Then why the fuck do you want me to keep interrogating her?”  

“I don’t want you to interrogate her, Simon,” Price badgers, “I want you to convince her.”  

Ghost frowns, crosses his arms testily. 

“Convince her to what?”  

~

Ghost hears the squeaking of your shoddy bed as he brutishly unlocks and opens the door to your cell. 

You had been lying on your side, curled up like a foetus on the mattress – but the second you are disturbed, you sit yourself upright. Alert. Frightened. Skittish. Stare at him like a cornered cat. 

Looks like you’ve been crying. Eyes red and swollen, cheeks glistening with the afterglow of your tears. Your lips part just slightly as your weary eyes land on him, as though a rush of air just escaped your lungs. He shuts the door behind him, stands in the middle of your small cell with crossed arms. 

He mines his thoughts for words to say. Finds them turning to ash on his tongue. 

“Sorry about your husband,” he says, eventually, tone more facetious than he had intended. 

He sees the cinder flickering in those sparkling little eyes, your chest rises as you inhale in preparation for your retort. “How can you – how can you say sorry for killing–” 

“Not for killing him,” he clarifies with a grunt. “Sorry that you married him.” 

That leaves you quiet. You look sour, because he’s right. 

“Was he always like that?” He persists, feels the snake of spite rising to his throat, needlessly adding an air of mocking derision to his words. “Did–” 

“Why are you here,” you snap to cut him off. Your cadence needle sharp, so starkly at odds to the sweetness of your earlier pleading. Nothing left to beg for, he supposes. 

Ghost draws in an impatient breath. He doesn’t want to be here either. “Boss said you’d talk to me.” 

“I don’t want to talk to you,” you grumble, voice wavering. Pouting at him. Cute. 

He sucks his teeth. “Right,” he scoffs. “Yet you’re talkin’ to me, aren’t you?” 

You fall quiet again, pulling your knees up to your chest, you clutch your bare feet with agitated fingers. “He’s nicer than you,” you mutter scornfully. 

“I bet,” he agrees dully. “But you won’t talk to him.” 

“Don’t trust him.” 

“Oh?” He queries cynically, “so you trust me?” 

You seem to think for a pointed moment before you speak. Wet stare lands on him, scans from boots to head, evaluating. 

“You do what you say you will,” you bitterly admit, and he can see it pains you to say so. 

Christ. 

You trust him? Or, rather, whatever tentative hopeful dependence that you are forced to rely on in a predicament as dire as yours. Still. He squirms at the thought that you’ve decided he’s the best you’ve got. You’ll be sorely disappointed. 

Won’t you? 

“Have you got more questions for me,” You ask flatly, breaking the off-putting silence. 

The defeat in your voice is like nails on a chalkboard. He’d rather you be hysterical, tearful and delirious, overwhelmed with grief but a still riddled with a desperation to survive. 

Instead you’re merely hushed and trembling. Perhaps you’re in shock. Perhaps you’ve got a plan. But, what he is most fearful of, is the likelihood you’ve given up. No desire to fight for whatever life might await you now that your husband is out of the picture. 

Detrimental to their entire operation, yes. They have no leverage to use against you if you have no interest in staying alive.  

More than that, though, he needs you to keep fighting him. To berate and antagonise and kick and scream. All of his adversaries would viciously resist him and that would justify Ghost’s brutality. When his blistering hatred for you was at its peak, not ten hours ago, he could justify hurting you as badly as he wanted to. 

Now what? 

How can he bring himself brutalise you when you look at him like that? Teary-eyed, shaking in either cold or panic - but giving him no resistance? No talk-back, no threats, no ploys to escape? 

How can he hurt you any further? 

He can tell you just want to sleep. Your lids are heavy and swollen despite how hard you try to keep your eyes open and vigilant. Poor thing. 

Ghost shakes his head, stepping towards a steel chair that sits propped against the wall. He lifts it with ease, twisting it in the air and putting it down in front of your bed – sits in it casually, leans back. Thighs spread and fingers interwoven in his lap, he bounces his knee as he chews on his response. 

“If you’ve got information we can use, sure.” 

You sigh deeply and slowly, picking at the cherry-red polish on your toenail with a ferocity that appears to him like self-flagellation. “I don’t know what information I have. Let alone whether it’s useful.” 

“’Alright,” he huffs, takes a minute to think of the question. “Said you’re from Nottingham, yeah? How’d you meet him?” 

A crease forms in your brow as your dubious eyes jump around his face, searching for an intention. You won’t find one. He doesn’t know what it was. 

“How is that useful information,” you seethe. 

He shrugs indifferently. “Need details.” 

You huff as though reluctant, looking at your feet. “I met him in Berlin.” 

He stays silent, and when your stare quickly jumps to him for approval, he gestures with his brutish hand to elaborate. Unsatisfactory answer. 

Your gaze returns to your toes. Focusing as you scrape the glossy red paint with your fingernails, leaving specks that look like dried blood on the dirty mattress. 

“I was a dancer. Um – he came into the club I danced in, with some other men. All in expensive suits. Rich men like that are cheap. Usually never spend a thing. Still want a piece.” 

A stripper. Not what Ghost would have guessed. But he can picture it, all the same. And he does. Pictures you spinning on a slippery pole, peeling off a lacy bra, slender little hands stroking over your buttery body as you present yourself to dogs like meat. 

He grounds himself with a clearing of his throat. “S’that right.” 

“Mhm,” you answer distastefully. “Was always the working boys that spoiled us. Wanted to spend what little money they had just to please. Just because they could. Men in suits, they want what they pay for. And they pay next to nothing because that’s what we’re worth to them.” 

“And Zakhaev…?” 

You draw in a slow breath. “Victor was different.” 

That’s it? C’mon, love. His silence an insistence to continue. And you do. 

“I dunno,” you sniff, he sees your eyes swell red. “I guess he saw something valuable in me.” 

He chastises himself for his interest. Why the fuck does he care how a whore comes across a man like Zakhaev? Billionaire wants a trophy wife, so he buys one. It should be no surprise at all. 

“So he bought you, eh?” Ghost asks harshly, and your wet and angry stare shoots daggers at him in response. 

But you relent. Maybe he’s right. Your gaze returns to your toes and wipe your nose with the back of your hand. 

“He gave me fifty-thousand euros for a private dance.” 

Fucking hell. 

Can’t even fathom spending that much money on anything. But when he looks at you… if he had that kind of money, maybe he’d do the same. 

Nearly smacks himself at the thought. 

“Generous,” he says instead, disdain on his tongue. 

“He was sweet,” you continue, voice wavering as you visibly swallow the urge to cry. “He – he said he could save me. Would take me to his nice house and protect me. Said he’d treat me like a goddess.” 

Ghost snorts spitefully. “Did he?” 

You scowl at him. “Yes, he did.” 

A knife of guilt plunges through his sternum, a truly unfamiliar sting. 

Did you love him? 

He cannot fathom that you could have. Not after that repulsive tirade, so unbearable to hear he felt compelled to execute him just to make it stop. He thought he had done you a favour. Still mostly believes he has. 

“Didn’t sound like it,” Ghost remarks derisively. 

You chew your lip. “It’s your fault he snapped,” you murmur, under breath. Doesn’t sound like you believe what you’re saying. “He was – he was good to me.” 

He sniffs, licks his teeth. “You had bruises.” 

“Fucking ‘course I have bruises, you tortured me.” You hiss. 

Shakes his head. “Before,” he ripostes. “You had bruises on your collarbone. On your thighs. From him, eh?” 

You bite down on your tongue, he sees your eyes well. Must have prodded a sore spot. 

“What is this? What do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you he beat me so you feel better about murdering him?” 

That sparks his anger. 

“You think that would make me feel better?” He barks, “I feel fucking fantastic. Shooting that cunt is the best thing I’ve done all week.” 

“You’re sick,” you breathe. 

“I’m sick? Do you know what your fuckin’ husband did? Do you know what he was?” 

“He was a businessman,” you utter, unconvincingly. 

“He was a mass-fucking-murderer. He started a war. You wanna know what the body count for that is?” 

You fall quiet. Shivering and tearful. But you listen. 

“Your husband was busy building bombs. Chemical weapons. Busy selling explosives to fucking terrorist militias in the middle east. Paid for the bombings in London last year. I’m fuckin’ proud that I shot him, whether or not he beat you.” 

You’re ghostly. Blood drained completely from your apple cheeks. Your mouth opens to sip a trembling breath, and your tears begin their cascade. 

“I didn’t know,” you whimper. 

“’Course you didn’t,” he chides doubtfully. 

You heave in a whining sob, tears dripping off your chin as you plunge your face against your knees. Was that your last straw, little thing? 

“I didn’t,” you stutter, snivelling. “I – I knew he… he was an arms dealer. Just an arms dealer.” 

He’s nauseated at the sight of you sobbing so sorely. Finds himself wondering you look like when you smile. 

“He was a warlord.” 

You sob, dropping your knees open so you sit cross-legged, Ghost’s eyes shoot between your legs. Get a fucking grip. Watching you cry and still stealing his glances? Can’t help it. You cry too pretty. 

You move the focus of your self-mutilation from your toes to your fingernails, picking off the lacquer. You sniffle quietly for a minute, and he lets you. What else can he say to you? He’s not much interested in comforting you. 

But there’s an ache, sharp and yet nebulous. The acknowledgement that you didn’t know the extent of your husband’s evil. That he likely kept it hidden from you. Or you, hidden from it. That your torture was fruitless and extraneous. Cruelty for the sake of it. 

“What happens now,” you ask, near-whisper. 

Ghost leans forward, propping his elbows on his knees, lets his hands hang nonchalantly. “Still got one use for you.” 

Your stare lands on him carefully. You breathe as though preparing yourself, a tear lands in the corner of your parted lips. You uncross your legs, hanging them slowly off the edge of the bed, hands turn to fists on your knees. 

“I thought you weren’t interested,” you squeak. 

Ghost’s jaw clenches inadvertently, biting down on nothing. Knows what you’re implying. Do you think he’s here to rape you? Here to unwrap you, to tear off that tissue that barely conceals the prize? 

His glower is probably serving as evidence. Boring into you with a hunger beyond his control. Jesus. Control yourself. 

He could do it. Fulfil your suggestion, accept your offers. Play the role of the lecherous hound you believe him to be.

You’d let him. 

You’d lie face down on that bed for him. You’d let him hitch up your hips, presenting your soft pussy for him to take. You’d let him rake down those pathetic pink knickers. You’d let him spit on his fingers and push them into you, to prepare you for the incursion of his spiteful cock. He’d curl and drive them deep, he’d make sure your pussy releases a spate of its sweet liquor just for him.   

You’d probably whine sweetly – in pain, at first, as he penetrates you, as your cunt stretches to fit him. But those muffled whimpers into the mattress would evolve into cries of shameful rapture, poignantly humiliated by how good it feels when he fucks you. He’d fuck you slowly. Deeply. He’d make sure the blunt head of his cock rams into that aching spot that makes you squeal. 

He’d coat his thumb in your syrup, he’d press the pad of it against your puckered hole. He’d listen to your cloying noises as he pushes it, popping past your tight, clenching entrance, easing it in until he’s knuckle deep. He’d feel his cock rutting in and out of you, through the thin fleshy wall between your holes. He’d feel it cinch so tightly around his thumb, pulsing in rhythm with the abashing orgasm that he fucks out of you. He’d threaten to pump you full of his come, and when you only mewl wetly in response, no dispute, fucked drunk; he’d oblige you. 

He’d let you think he’s finished. He’d give you a moment to breathe, as he pulls out of you, as his hot come drips from you, coating your thighs. Your pussy would look too pretty drenched in a concoction of your fluids and his, twitching still in the aftershock. 

So he’d flip you, hoist up your soft body by the hips as he sucks your cunt into his mouth. He’d eat another orgasm out of you, voracious and messy, he’d swallow it, and continue; just to feel you writhe in dispute of the overstimulation, just to listen to the squeals of contest that squeak from your wet throat. 

He’d leave you choking, panting for air, as he allows you to recover. He’d let you sleep, and he’d know that you’d dream of him. 

You fucking animal. 

Pulled back to reality by a shivering sigh from your chest - he’s repulsed by himself. Reels in self-loathing as his cock jolts behind his trousers, swelling in anticipation of a crime he won’t commit. 

His peers have chastised him for being a beast. An uncaring monster. The kind of animal that would fuck you while you cry, that would take pride in making it hurt.  

They’re wrong. 

You simply look at him, pupils stretched wide and dark, glassy with worry. Your cunt might be pulsing in between the thighs you hold together so tightly, readying itself for him, preparing for the worst. 

No, little rabbit, he wouldn’t do that to you. Not unless you beg him for it. 

So he leans back in his seat, feigning disinterest, hoping you don’t notice the turgid heat that radiates from him. 

“Not that, sweetheart,” he sighs hoarsely. “We’ve got a more important use for you.” 

[magnus-marmot]

TMAGP 41 Thoughts: Never trust an MLM

We are so back. Not as many answers as I was hoping for, but at least we're moving again.

Spoilers and alchemy talk under the cut.

First of all, we're paving the way for more exposition in future episodes, with both Lena and Heinrich (or Klaus, if that's what KS stands for) getting ready to explain some mechanics. Frustrating, but I can wait. Heinrich continued to be a cutie, so desperately clinging to being seen as terrifying. Instead I just found him adorable.

The case left my little alchemy brain reeling. We've got an honest to god alchemical transmutation going on, with the victim's organs turning into metals. The connection between the different metals and their respective body parts is actually very straightforward, and it's based on the belief that the classical planets governed over both. Basically:

Sun = Heart = Gold

Moon = Brain = Silver

Mercury = Lungs = Mercury

Venus = Kidneys = Copper

Mars = Gallbladder = Iron

Jupiter = Liver = Tin

Saturn = Spleen = Lead

Which is exactly what we see in the autopsy. Additionally, the body was completely covered in salt, and her skull was covered in sulfur residue. These relate to the Tria Prima, but for now I couldn't tell you how. Thematically, we have another case of a double or a Shadow that couldn't be reconciled with the original. Though perhaps it wasn't supposed to be.

My interpretation is that the victim bought into an alchemy MLM, grew a clone of herself in a vat, and the clone then broke out and strangled her. A homunculus of sorts. It appears that she was using her own blood for it too. I don't know what her goal was, but I feel like it had something to do with her hysterectomy. Like maybe she couldn't have children and resorted to growing one, or maybe she was trying to grow herself a new uterus. Maybe she was trying to grow a new, perfect body for herself and fuse her mind into it. Salt usually symbolises the remains of a physical body, and the sulfur residue could be about her soul or consciousness (often linked to Sulfur) hopping over. But this is just speculation. It's unclear to me why the woman's own organs were replaced, but they did always say that the Work is equally about the alchemist's own transformation. Though I think they meant it more spiritually.

Symbolically, the case has some Lunar undertones, what with the dualities and reflections and potentially even motherhood. Since the H value is once again low (3), I'm starting to veer away from H being connected to Luna. I'm sure we'll learn about the DPHW system pretty soon, and I've more or less given up on trying to make sense of it. At this point I'm just dying to hear the answer already.

[bonzos-number-1-fan]

TMAGP 31 Thoughts: Extended Sounds of Brutal Crowbar Damage

And we're back again, after quite a wait, but it's a nice easy one to get back into the swing of things. Nothing explosive happened this episode really but a lot of foundation setting. However we've finally hit the part of the show that is now a sequel to The Magnus Archives. So, if any of you have somehow not listened to that and are interested to hear why things are so fucked, that would be how you go about it.

Spoilers for TMA, and TMP episode 31 below the cut.

I didn't cover it elsewhere so I'm going to start with Season 2's trailer. It's a nice, short, and sweet trailer so there isn't a whole lot to get into. There are a few bits in the transcript that are worth pointing out though. Firstly, it's referred to as the "London Exclusion Zone, Primeline" and "Primeline" doesn't appear anywhere else in this trailer nor episode one. That's likely a portmanteau of Prime and Timeline which I would take to mean this is the universe from Archives. Given the warden's worry about tapes and a few other notable bits of text from the premieres transcript I would say it's all but confirmed. The only other thing I think is worth mentioning here is that the scuttling creatures are described as having "too many legs". Which isn't incredibly relevant but does at least show they're supernatural in some sense.

Okay, onto the episode proper and now we can all say goodbye to the number 3 blorbo, Colin. I'll always remember the way he called me a gobshite because I sent him an email during the ARG, and the way he lost his mind because gays were in the computer. RIP, Colin, rest in processors.

There isn't really a load to say on this ep is general IMO. I think it's all pretty surface level but as with the trailer there are some interesting bits and pieces to pick out of it. In general though, I thought it was a very solid start to a season. Picks up right where things left off and lays a lot of groundwork for what's to come and isn't a load of info dumping.

So there are a couple of things to pick out from Colin's very messy and unearned death. During the long string of "Discard data"s there is one that reads "upload data" in the transcript which is for sulphur. Sulphur being one of the tria prima and an incredibly important element to alchemy. Now, the actual audio does say "discard data" and it might not be anything more than a mistake but it's an interesting coincidence if that's all it is. The elements listed are also in order of abundance in the human body.

hardware damage_crowbar/DPHW 4600

I believe this joke was written purely for me. No one can convince me otherwise. It's going in the masterdoc.

I don't think there is much to say on Gwen's, Alice's, or Celia's showing in the episode. They're all more or less doing "normal" stuff. The only thing I would point out is that Celia does do some lying in the episode without the usual distortions around those in the audio. At least not that I heard.

Sam is bringing the wet cat energy the Primeline was missing since TMA's finale. It's being met with mixed reception. Most of what goes on here is all pretty obvious I think. We meet yet another version of Georgie who is a little more rugged and generally done with everyone's shit. She's introduced in the text as "Georgie P" which I can only assume is Georgie Prime. This is further reinforced by Heidi's statement describing exactly what we saw of London post-Change. With the additional talks of domains and circuses I think it's fairly hard to argue this isn't TMA's universe post-season 5. Which has some fairly strong implications for exactly how that all went down and how much the world both remembers and has changed, but I feel like that might be bet to get into elsewhere. And likely by other people. Them naming a van after Gertrude is very sweet tho.

I think that's about all I've got to say on this one. Nothing to mindblowing and not a lot of crumbs to follow but it's a great start to a season.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Incident/CAT#R#DPHW Master Sheet and Terminology Sheet

DPHW Theory: 5555 sounds about right to me. It's not exceptionally spooky in any single sense but is pretty broad spectrum. Pretty standard stuff. Might as well mention that Hardware Damage (Crowbar) being at 4600 also lines up very well.

CAT# Theory: Our very first 123 which is something I've personally been waiting on. I've been very vocal about how I don't think the Person/Place/Object theory makes a lot of sense. However, this is one of the ones I wouldn't argue for there if you want to stretch it to Colin still being a person after "Integration", or you want to say that JMJ also count. Not that I buy the idea any more. Although it should be noted that Johnny says in the Q&A that the first few cases are wrong. Which means if it is P/P/O it should match up perfectly if you start from the bottom until you hit a point where the wrong ones end. I don't think it would from what I recall on my essay about why it's not P/P/O but it might. I was supposed to use the break to do some more work on CAT# but then I didn't. So I've got no real insights into this one.

R# Theory: B lines up pretty well. It would be confirmable that Colin is at least missing, but getting eaten by a server rack isn't particularly likely to be why.

Header talk: Integration (organic) -/- Computer (Hardware) is a fairly standard description IMO. I can't see much to really dig into there.

[triaelf9]

I got a hilarious sp*m email today from name AT gmail dot com telling me my SS account has been terminated (seems legit already) but the MESSAGE part of the email is SENDING me:

"I truly appreciate your kind sentiments. I enjoyed helping, and I'm willing to help you with any communication-related tasks in the future. Please don't hesitate to contact us if you ever n eed additional guidance. Enjoy your day, take care of yourself, and stay alive"

STAY ALIVE??? AHAHAHAHAHAH like the rest is a generic applies to all instances thing but not "stay well" or "stay safe" STAY ALIVE too funny XD

[pushovermediacritic]

The Land Before Time Liveblog 12

The Land Before Time XII: The Great Day of the Flyers

Last Time:

Littlefoot was small. Cera's dad met an old flame. Fraggle genocide.

This Time: Starting with this movie, I'm entering unexplored territory. If you don't count the TV show, which I might not cover, I haven't seen anything coming up, three whole movies I'm completely unfamiliar with.

I've heard dire portents of 13, but basically nothing about 12 and 14. Just based on the title of this one, I'm expecting Petrie focus.

The Universal logo is still not Pangaea.

Still pretty disappointing to me that they never play with the Universal logo, like it would be so cool if they-

Wait, what's happening?

YES!!! This running gag finally paid off! And they didn't just have the Universal logo be Pangaea from the start, they did a FAKE-OUT, having the Universal logo start normal and then reverse time INTO Pangaea!! That's SO GOOD!!!

I bet all of you who knew this was coming were just WAITING for this moment! Well, I can say this did not disappoint! I love when movies mess with the opening credits and logos, you're so used to just ignoring them that it's always jarring in a fun way.

I hope they re-use this opening for every future movie but I totally understand if they don't, because it would get repetitive and the fake-out wouldn't be surprising anymore.

Of course, this intro has to have the narrator talk. He talks about how the Earth has changed in dramatic ways, continents moving, becoming burning hot and freezing cold, species flourishing and dying.

Narrator: "Yes, the Earth is very different than it was in the days of the dinosaurs! But one thing that has remained the same since the time of the dinosaurs is the fact that everything is always changing."

From here, we transition to Littlefoot, Ducky, and Spike gazing up at the sky. They're searching for something in particular, but the movie isn't letting the audience in on what it is.

Ducky thinks she sees something, and Spike gets excited and bumps her off the ledge! Littlefoot stretches his neck down to catch her and when he pulls her up, she scolds Spike for scaring her and making her lose sight of what she was looking at. Littlefoot wonders where Cera is.

Littlefoot is voiced in this movie by Nick Price. I'm not familiar with any of the other things he's in. I haven't even seen that particular Peanuts cartoon where he played Schroeder. He hasn't gotten a lot of dialogue yet but so far, he seems to be doing a better job than Aaron Spann did last movie. Also, this is the first Land Before Time movie to be widescreen.

With Cera, she's glaring at an egg. Tria is also there and nuzzles it. Topsy (yup, I'm still using that name until "Topps" is actually mentioned by literally any character in-universe) walks in.

Tria wonders whether the baby will look more like her or him, and the two adults agree that they hope it looks more like Tria while giggling (odd that they'd agree on that, since Tria went on and on last movie about how handsome Topsy is).

Cera: *clears throat* "Is it okay if go meet Littlefoot and the others? We want to watch Petrie practice for the Day of the Flyers. ...I said 'I'm gonna go find my friends'!"

Tria: "Do you think it's cold? Do you think it needs more grass on top?"

Topsy: "No, it's fine!"

Tria: *sigh* "I think it's cold, c'mon!"

She leans over to rip up some grass and put it on top.

Topsy: "Tria, I don't-

Tria: "Topsy. Did you lay this egg?"

Topsy: "Um-mum-mum, nooo, but I was-"

Tria: "Than hush up and help me!" *Topsy grumbles but does it*

Cera: "So bye! I'm heading out to the Mysterious Beyond to see if I can get eaten by a Sharptooth!"

Topsy: "Okay, don't be late!"

Tria: "Have fun!"

Cera walks off, pouting, and now Tria thinks it's too warm.

Time-out! Topsy "married" Tria?! And got BIZAY! I was wondering if they were going to skirt around the implications, but no, they straight-up had Tria imply that she laid that egg. Props for going there. Hopefully whenever the egg hatches, the baby triceratops isn't as annoying as Dana and Dinah were.

Cera joins the others and she didn't miss anything. Right as she arrives, they see Petrie practicing. He's flying in a V-formation with 8 other young Pteranodons.

In case you can't recognize him, he's the one in the middle-right. They do some swoops and turns, Petrie following along perfectly, until he notices his friends watching and waves to them, which slows him down and makes him bump into the kid behind him! He flies forward and bumps into the Flyer in front of him, then falls onto the blue one, ultimately causing a huge pile-up and all 9 of them fall out of the sky!

They all crash to the ground, in various trees and bushes! One falls onto Ducky's mom's face. Petrie falls into a bush and has to yell to keep Mr. Clubtail from eating him with some leaves. Mr. Clubtail walks away grumbling, with another one landed on his tail. The Gang arrive as the group of Flyer kids gather, all glaring at Petrie. Petrie's mom flies in and the other Flyer kids are eager for the chewing out he's gonna get. But she's not mad, just disappointed. Which hurts even worse! Recognizing the situation has become awkward, The Gang leave.

That night, Littlefoot tells his Grandpa that Petrie was practicing with his brothers and sisters earlier, and Grandpa already heard about it from Mr. Clubtail. Wait, those ALL were Petrie's siblings? I assumed some of them were other Flyer's kids, Petrie usually has 4-5 siblings, not 8!

Littlefoot asks Grandpa why the Day of the Flyers is important. Grandpa explains that every herd has its own traditions, and the Day of the Flyers is a significant event because it marks a developmental milestone for young Flyers, showing they can fly with the herd. So it's a rite of passage, like a bar mitzvah. Littlefoot stomps his foot and says that it's not fair, Petrie can fly fine alone, his siblings just make him nervous. Grandpa reassures him that Petrie will do fine.

Over in Petrie's nest, his siblings are ganging up on him and shit-talking his flying abilities, saying that he does the opposite of what they do and he's hopeless. Seems inaccurate, he only messed up today because he got distracted waving to The Gang. Their mom comes over to break it up.

She makes them leave so she can talk to Petrie alone. She asks what the problem is, and Petrie doesn't know. She then asks Petrie if he'll be ready for the Day of the Flyers, and all he can promise is that he'll try his best. She reassures him that he always does, and bids him good-night. But after she leaves, Petrie's still in a sour mood.

Petrie: "They think me never do nothing right! Sometimes me wish me had a whole 'nother family..."

On that thought, Petrie goes to sleep while the camera ominously zooms out and music eerily reminiscent of the Lord of the Rings "Ring Theme" plays. Creepy.

Over with Cera, Topsy is kicking in his sleep, and Tria's too focused on the egg to sleep. Tria pokes Topsy to wake him up and demands that he move over so he doesn't roll over on the egg. Topsy protests, but does so, and Tria makes him scoot over further. Cera tells them good night, but they ignore her and Tria keeps telling him to move over even further and further. Topsy does and he falls off a ledge, to which Tria whispers "perfect".

Well. That's weird. Tria was a pretty thoughtful and kind character last movie, but with last scene and this one, her characterization has shifted dramatically. She's obviously being written as obsessed with making sure the egg is okay, but even with that excuse, she's just being written as straight-up mean. The last scene and this one feel like the writers watched some sitcoms and decided "nagging mean tiger mom with a put-upon emotionally detached husband" was a good dynamic to draw inspiration from.

Also, it's just inaccurate. We've literally found fossils of T-Rexs curled up around their eggs, we know that dinosaurs had the same instinct most other animals do to not roll over on their babies in their sleep. It's just a natural instinct. And the scene doesn't even make sense, Tria and Topsy were sleeping next to each other with the egg in front of them. It would be impossible for Topsy to roll over onto the egg.

The next day, Petrie is complaining to The Gang about what his siblings said to him last night. Ducky and Littlefoot assert that he IS a good Flyer, just by himself. Again, I don't know where they're getting this from, the problem earlier was him getting distracted, not flying in a group. They did a poor job establishing this.

Petrie: "That just it! Me good alone! N-Not so good with family..."

Cera: "Join the club... Huh?"

Okay, these faces are great, but I think they're a little bit of an overreaction. Like, what Cera said wasn't THAT dramatic. It reminds me of the group reaction shot in 2, but those faces were in response to Cera saying her dad told her not to play with other species. That's more of an appropriate reaction.

Littlefoot switches gears back to Petrie and tells him that the next time he's flying with them, he should remember how good at flying he is and that he can do anything! Petrie gets all hyped up on the idea that he can do anything, before deflating again with the admission that he hates flying through "sky puffies" (clouds), and isn't good at flying in the wind. Littlefoot points out that today is pretty windy, so Petrie should practice! Petrie takes off and makes some headway before being launched backward into some tall grass.

The others chase after him, but then hear a scream, which isn't Petrie! They poke their heads through some tall grass and Petrie runs out, petrified and pointing his finger forward, shivering uncontrollably! Ducky asks if it's a Sharptooth and Petrie shakes his head while still pointing. Grandpa and some other adults walk over, having heard the scream. The music builds to a dramatic crescendo as they all lean in to see whatever is hiding in the grass!

It's... it's... a weird little green bird-guy.

He's a Microraptor, which I actually mentioned last review as one of the smallest real dinosaurs, next to Aquilops. But unfortunately, he doesn't have one of the most iconic features of the Microraptor, that being their four wings.

Yup, Microraptors had wings on their back legs, too, and they were just as functional for flying.

The Microraptor walks out and timidly apologizes for scaring them. This only makes everyone more confused. He continues.

Microraptor: *clears throat* "Okay, I um, I guess you're all wondering why I asked you here, huh? Aheeee- hehe- well you're all wondering..." *he grins awkwardly*

Topsy: *walks in* "Alright, who's making all the racket? Huuuh?!"

Microraptor: "Ah, yeah that would be me, hi! I'm really sorry if you were disturbed. Eh, not that anyone's saying you're disturbed, least of all me! I mean, uh, you know, in the sense of being, uh, not all there you're- you're obviously all there, I mean just look at you, you're uh, hehehehe, ooo..." (he grins awkwardly)

Topsy: "I don't know who, or what, you are. But we don't like noise around here. Some of us are trying to hatch eggs!"

Microraptor: "OH!" *whispering* "I mean 'oh', I'm sorry lady, I didn't realize!"

Topsy: "Grrrrrr, not me!"

At that, Ducky cracks up laughing, but Cera glares at her and she shuts it. Topsy walks away, and the Microraptor warns him not to go that way. He ignores the warning and slides down a hill into a mud puddle. At this, EVERYONE starts laughing!

Ducky briefly stops out of fear, but resumes laughing when she sees Cera guffawing, too. Topsy gets up and glares at the Microraptor, growling. The Microraptor jumps into the mud on his own!

Topsy: "Just what we need: another weirdo!" *he leaves*

Grandpa: *walking away* "Ha ha ha ha! i just wish Grandma were here to see it!"

Damn, roasted his ass! That line of Grandpa's was clearly added late in development, too, since while he's saying that, his mouth isn't moving.

The Microraptor climbs out of the mud and Littlefoot asks why he did that.

Microraptor: "Saved him the trouble of pushing me in."

He shakes off the mud and asks where he is. Littlefoot answers the Great Valley and asks where he's from. He's not sure, he just kind of woke up here. And he's not sure how he got here, either. He says "they" call him Guido, but he's not sure who "they" are. And he doesn't have a herd, he's the only one like himself he's ever seen! Well, obviously because he has amnesia. Also, goodie, an amnesia plot...

The Gang are enamored with the concept of being the only one of your kind, especially Petrie. This leads into song 1 of the movie: One of a Kind.

But before I get into that, there's something I NEED to address about Guido. Just based on this one scene, I can tell that Guido's whole shtick is drawing from a VERY specific comedic stereotype. That being the "dweeby and nervous Jewish chatterbox". You know, like Mort in Family Guy or Kyle Schwartz from South Park. Guido doesn't have the accent, but the voice and mannerisms are an exact match. And if you know anything about those shows, you'd know that those characters aren't exactly a FAVORABLE comparison to make! As a Jew myself, I'm a little offended by Guido!!

Alright, that little rant out of the way, let's listen to One of a Kind.

It's kinda bad. I do like the structure of the song. It starts with Petrie and Cera complaining about their plots, then Littlefoot and Ducky reassure them, then Guido complains about being lonely, then The Gang accept Guido. However, it's poorly executed. The singing, lyrics, and musical flow are pretty annoying, actually.

And it has issues with canon. They're now fully and completely retconning Cera's siblings out of continuity. She had siblings in the first and second movies, but ever since movie 3, she suddenly became an only child. Except then 6 had an off-screen sibling who was old enough to have kids of their own and Cera had to babysit them, but that whole situation has never been referenced since.

And in this song, she complains about the new egg and wishes she could go back to being a single child, when it was literally a plot point in the first movie that Littlefoot was the only single child in the group. Even Spike got adopted into Ducky's family.

Also, the animation and choreography is really weird. Like, the faces are REALLY off-model in those shots where they're walking toward the camera, and the lip-synch varies from great to bad, sometimes even in the same verse! The song is lacking in creative or compelling visuals, Cera's verse is the only one that has anything interesting going on with the reflection and her on the rock. The last verse is just a copy of the "walking around the new kid" bit from You're One of Us Now.

Also, I'm not sure how old Guido is. He's got amnesia, so even he's probably not sure. And he's a Microraptor, he's supposed to be tiny. But it doesn't feel like he's written as a child, he feels like he's written as an adult. Specifically, as an adult stand-up comedian, and that makes his new friendship with The Gang feel weird. I wonder if they meant to get a famous guest voice actor for him, like Doc, Pterano, Thicknose, Bron, and Big Daddy had. But they couldn't get one, so they just said "fuck it, give him to Spike's VA" (yeah yeah, I know Rob Paulsen is a legend in his own right, but he's not a guest, he's voiced Spike in every movie but 1 and 6 and he also did Mo).

After One of a Kind, Littlefoot suggests that Guido might not be the only one. He's got kind of a long neck like Littlefoot and a sharp beak like Petrie, and maybe the weird stickly things on his head could fan out like Cera's frill. They take him to go see if anyone in the Great Valley is like him.

They talk in this scene like they've never seen anything like Guido and his feathers before, but they literally have. Remember Ichy from 4? Yeah, Guido is only a few steps removed from Ichy on the evolutionary tree. More bad continuity.

Later, Guido is on Grandpa's head and Grandpa explains they have long necks to eat the tenderest tree stars at the top of the trees (I thought it was to save the world during a solar eclipse?) Guido bites a leaf and tries to pull it off (I was doubting the "neurotic Jewish stereotype" read for a second, but he literally pulls while going "guuuuuu"). He pulls it off and flies backward down Grandpa's back and off his tail! Then he chokes on the leaf until Grandma whacks him on the back to make him cough it up! He is not a Longneck.

They try talking to Mr. Clubtail, who explains that he's got a bopper on his tail. When Guido asks what that is, he thwacks Guido with it!

They walk toward Topsy.

Topsy: "Don't even think about it."

They turn around and walk away from Topsy. Some good jokes here!

At the lake, Ducky shows him how to swim in the shallow end.

Guido: "Eh, oogh, I gotta tell ya, I got a real problem with swimming where I drink, yehh. Eh, I- it just doesn't seem right!"

Ducky: "Give it a try! You will be fine, yep yep yep!" *she leads him into the water*

Guido: "Ehhh, eh ehhh... Wait, wait! And you're sure there's nothing in there that bites?"

Ducky: "I am pretty sure."

Guido: *a shadow swims up next to Guido* "Bad answer! Nyehh-ehh-ehh-yee!"

He runs out of the water as the shadow surfaces, revealing a confused turtle. He runs into Spike and falls back, deciding that he's not a Swimmer.

I was finding it funny, but now I'm IMMEDIATELY getting sick of this bit. When Guido isn't talking or he's suffering slapstick, he's tolerable, but when he starts talking, it grates on my ears. This whole sequence is like a lamer version of the kids showing Chomper their specialties in You're One of Us Now, but where Chomper was cute and innocent, Guido is annoying and offensive!

From his position looking up, Guido sees Petrie practicing with his siblings in the V-formation. Petrie follows along fine, but then the leader decides to fly through a cloud and he panics, asking if they can just go around and then freaking out, yelling "roll" when they reach it! They collide with each other in the cloud, then all fall out!

Random Parasaurolophus: "Strange weather we're having today!"

This movie was written like a sitcom. Straight-up. It feels like it should have a laugh track.

Later, Petrie's sitting on a rock on a hill and Guido walks up to him, gasping and wheezing and panting the whole way. He's this close 🤏 to whining about needing his inhaler for his asthma (which shouldn't be something to laugh at, but it is a running gag with Kyle Schwartz in South Park). Guido says that everyone's looking for Petrie.

Petrie: "Me not know why. Me mess up everything! Me worst Flyer in Valley."

Guido: "Hey, come ooooon! Don't say things like that about yourself!"

Petrie: "Me not say it, brothers and sisters did!"

They're REALLY mad at him.

Guido: "Yeah. Eh, well, I thought that roll you did up there was really good! You know, I me- I mean, it was, it was excellent, beautiful, eve- spectacular!"

Petrie: "Good if me alone, maybe! But whole point of Day of Flyers is to fit in with others!"

WHAT ROLL?!?! Petrie yelled "roll" before he hit the cloud, but he didn't actually DO a roll, he just stalled in mid-air and the others crashed into him! Again, what they're saying happened and what ACTUALLY HAPPENED are completely different! Both times, Petrie has been told his issue is that he flies independently, but both times, the real issue was him getting distracted!

I swear, it's like the writers and animators are not on the same page here!

Petrie and Guido bond over not fitting in, and Petrie invites Guido to live with him. Not because he's a Flyer, no (it's not like the last feathered creature we met was a Flyer...), but just because they're both outsiders and could be friends over that. Then Littlefoot walks up and tells them that Tria's egg is about to hatch!

The entire Great Valley gathers for this special occasion! They didn't do that when a bunch of eggs hatched in 2, but every movie since then has ignored that happened. The egg hatches into a beautiful healthy (pink) baby Triceratops girl!

Tria and Topsy shed a few tears at how precious she is, and Tria introduces her to Cera, her sister. We see from the baby's POV as her eyes adjust for the first time and Cera smiling is the first face she sees clearly! Cera seems to like her, but then when the baby falls over, Tria and Topsy start cooing and fawning over her and Cera gets jealous again, walking away. Petrie calls the baby cute and Cera snaps at him!

Later, Petrie's mom is handing out berries to her kids for dinner. Petrie flies in.

Petrie's mom: "Well? Is it true? Does the Threehorn family have a new addition?"

Petrie: "Yeeeeaap! And uh, so do we!"

Petrie's mom (stunned): "Uh-huh. Petrie, I'm usually the one who makes that announcement."

Petrie: "Not this time! Everybody, meet Guidooooo!"

Lol at Petrie's mom's line.

Guido laboriously climbs up the wall into the nest, gasping and panting. Petrie's siblings are confused and surround him. They comment that he looks like a bunch of flowers, but doesn't smell like one. They painfully pluck a feather and ask what it is, and their mom tells them to quit crowding their guest. They walk over to Petrie.

Petrie's siblings (angry): "We've been wanting to talk to you, Petrie!" "Yeah, about what happened today!" "Yeah, you messed up again, Petrie!" "Yeah!" "Yeah, like you always do!" "Yeah, what's your problem, Petrie?!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!"

Guido: "Hey hey, fellas, c'mon, give him a break! I mean, uh, of course he gets confused when he flies with you! Your rear ends look just like your faces so, uh, h-how can he tell which way to go?"

After a second of stunned silence, they all burst out laughing. Even mom laughs a bit before telling them to go to bed. One says that Guido's alright and slaps him on the back! Mom tells them to go to sleep, and that they're glad Guido could come visit (notice this is the second time she's firmly asserted that Guido is NOT a permanent resident, just a very welcome guest). Petrie and Guido lie down, and Guido promises to help Petrie practice before they go to sleep.

They DEFINITELY wrote this movie under the impression that Guido would be played by a celebrity comedian, like Adam Sandler. He keeps getting these weird stand-up comedy bits, and this one resolving the conflict between Petrie and his siblings felt particularly pander-y. Except they couldn't get a comedian to voice him so it's not pandering, it's just weird.

The next day, Tria is cooing at the baby, named Tricia (pronounced "Trisha"). Tria asks Cera if she can watch the baby while she leaves for a bit. Cera claims the cute shtick won't work on her, but when Tricia manages to stand up and looks all proud of herself, she wins Cera over. Tricia runs off into the grass, but Cera catches up to her and picks her up by her horn to carry her back. Tricia accidentally pokes Cera in the eye with her own horn!

Tria returns and Cera explains the situation, but Tria completely ignores Cera and focuses on praising Tricia for being able to run. While Cera's rubbing her eye, Topsy returns and they both start cooing over Tricia for running. Cera stomps off, angry, and Tricia watches her leave with concern.

Littlefoot and Ducky are eating leaves off a bush and talking about Guido's decision to live with Petrie. Ducky doesn't get why you'd choose to be a Flyer over a Swimmer, and while she's distracted, Spike walks up and eats the cluster of leaves in front of her. She gets mad at him (add it to the list), but then the ground starts shaking! It's just Cera, who runs in like a bat out of hell, trampling the bush! She asks where Ducky is, but Ducky's pinned under the bush. Littlefoot asks what's wrong and Cera starts ranting and stomping about her parents ignoring her, then Ducky asks her to move. She does.

Littlefoot: "Hey, listen. At least your dad's with you! And Tria seems really nice."

Good reference to Bron (interesting that Littlefoot seems to have some resentment there). Cera admits that's true, and that transitions into song 2 of the movie: Things Change.

Sorry about the audio issue in the last third, that's not in the movie.

Aw man, I want to like this song. The singing is good, the lyrics are decent, and the message is great. Change is inevitable, it changes you without knowing it, and sometimes change is good. The visual metaphors are also good, with the dandelion, cloud shadow, reflection, frog family, and the butterflies emerging.

But oof, that animation. They STILL haven't gotten the hang of that walking-forward singing animation in a way that doesn't look fucked up. The dandelion blowing away looks terrible. Cera's eyes are BLUE for a section, and overall the art is weird and off. The animation issues are really distracting and actually hurt my overall score. Not too much, they drop the song from an 8/10 to a 7/10. But still.

At night, Guido is massaging Petrie's shoulders and hyping him up.

Guido: "Okay, now remember Petrie, you can do anything they can do, alright? I-its just a matter of doing it at the same time!"

Petrie: "Uh, yeah, same time."

Guido: "So, so just keep telling yourself, eh... ooh ooh: 'I fly along with all the rest, I'm going to pass my flying test!' Go- go ahead and say it!"

Petrie: "Me fly along with all the rest, me gonna pass the Flyer test! Like that?"

Guido: "Ehh, yeah, close enough."

Guido pats Petrie's head and his siblings set off. Petrie joins them in formation and Guido and Petrie's mom both let out one single tear of pride (okay, that's a good bit of visual comedy). They fly in formation without issue while triumphant "air force" music plays.

Then we get a montage of time passing. At night, Cera's family is sleeping, and she looks fondly at her baby sister. In daytime, Petrie's family are resting to eat in a tree, and Petrie throws a leaf down to Guido. He tries to bite the leaf, but then spits it out. Then he sees a worm on the leaf and eats that happily, grossing out some of Petrie's siblings. Cera plays with Tricia and bonds with her, then when Tria comes over, Cera hides behind a log. Everyone watches Petrie practicing and Guido runs over him before crashing into a log. Night, Tria wakes up and briefly panics when Tricia is gone, only to see her and Cera sleeping together.

I'm surprised the worm thing hadn't come up yet, Guido's a Microraptor, he's technically a Sharptooth.

The montage ends with Petrie and his siblings coming in for a landing, all in synch, one-by-one. They all celebrate what a good job they all did, including Petrie. The Day of the Flyers is tomorrow, so their mom tells them to get some sleep for the big day. Guido, feeling like he has nothing more to offer, stays behind, but some of the kids run back to pull him with them.

That night, everyone is sleeping in the nest, but Guido stands up and starts sleepwalking. He steps on Petrie, waking him up, and then sleepwalks out of the nest. Worried, Petrie runs to the edge but then is surprised to see Guido walking far away from the nest, not splatted on the ground at the base.

Petrie flies after Guido and starts following and calling for him. Littlefoot overhears Petrie's calls and wakes up to follow them. He asks Petrie what's happening and freaks Petrie out. They lose track of Guido briefly and then see him much further away, over a ledge.

Ducky wakes up from Spike's tossing, but then she gasps!

Good visual comedy, a dramatic shot of Guido walking forward menacingly over Spike's back, framed by the moon. I feel like this is a reference to some alien movie, but I can't quite remember which. Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind?

So, sleepwalking is definitely how Guido got to the Great Valley, though his amnesia is still in question.

Guido steps on Ducky's head to move on and then Petrie and Littlefoot walk up and tell her what's going on. Ducky is eager to go, and she wakes up Spike. Apparently Spike usually wakes up around this time of night anyway for a midnight snack (really? that hasn't been in any of the other movies). As they follow, Ducky explains her eagerness.

Ducky: "I know all about sleepwalking. My auntie sleepswims, and my momma says 'do not ever, never wake her up when she is doing it'."

Littlefoot: "Why not?"

Ducky: "That I do not know. But my momma is always right."

Littlefoot: "Then I guess we better not let him wake up."

Ducky: *gasp* "I will go get Cera! If we have an adventure and she is not here, she will be SO mad! And I do not like it when Cera gets mad, no no no!"

Ducky peels off from the group. A few things to note here, funny they're acknowledging Cera not liking when she's left out of an adventure, that was a big part of 10. We've never met Ducky's aunt, but I kinda want to. Also, there are a bunch of old folk tales about why you shouldn't wake sleepwalkers, that they could have a heart attack or suffer brain damage. That's all nonsense. You still shouldn't wake them, but it's just because they'll be very startled, maybe lashing out or tripping and faling over. Basically like waking up a person normally, but upright.

Later, Cera has joined them, and she's annoyed Ducky woke her up just to walk all over the Valley watching Guido walk all over the Valley. Guido sleepwalks toward a creek, and to prevent him from drowning, The Gang line up in the water for him to walk across them.

Guido walks toward a lava pit, but The Gang line up so that he walks up Littlefoot's tail, off Littlefoot's head to Cera's tail, then off Cera's head to Spike's tail, then off Spike's head, successfully... diverting him slightly to the right, around the lava pit. Seems like they could have just made him turn around. Guido keeps sleepwalking upward and Cera asks Ducky what will happen if they wake him up. Ducky's not sure, just something terrible.

Guido reaches the top of the mountain and there's a ravine on the other side. Littlefoot sees a huge fallen tree and directs The Gang to push it to make a bridge to cross, but it's covered in long branches, meaning they can only push it, not roll it. It starts rolling and scoops up all the kids in the branches before flying through the air off a ramp and landing conveniently in the exact right place of the ravine for Guido to walk across. After Guido passes, Petrie flies up to keep an eye on him while the rest try to climb up.

The Gang struggle to climb up, but their movement destabilizes the tree and it starts sinking! The kids scramble to cross before it falls and Littlefoot needs to do a big slow-motion leap to reach the edge as it falls out from under him! They pull him up and collapse in a heap, panting for air.

I wonder if this is the same ravine they easily jumped over at the start of 2.

Petrie: "Okay, you guys lie around enough already, Guido still walkin'!"

Cera: "One more word and you won't be walking! Not for a long time!

Petrie (nervous): "Hehehe, me only kidding! Take your time! 'Sides, me think he pretty safe now!"

Petrie looks over and screams, Guido has turned around and is sleepwalking back to the cliff! He clambers and flies forward, trying to catch him, but he's too late, Guido falls. And then something that should have been obvious but they seriously play as a huge twist happens. Guido spreads his wings and starts sleep-flying!

He flies up over them and they gaze upward, awestruck.

Cera: "Hey, you know what I just realized?"

Littlefoot: "What?"

Cera (angry): "We didn't have to do that whole tree thing after all!"

Littlefoot: "Hehe, sorry."

Petrie notices that Guido's flying over the Great Wall into the Mysterious Beyond. He wants to go after him, but Littlefoot reminds him that The Day of the Flyers is tomorrow, he might not make it in time. Petrie thinks it over, but decides saving a friend is most important.

Littlefoot: "We'll be right behind you!"

Cera: "We will?" *he glares at her* "Okay, okay, we will."

I feel like the series has been pretty inconsistent on Littlefoot and Cera's early characterization of "Littlefoot hesitates to start things and then has determination to finish them" and "Cera rushes into things but then hesitates when things get tough" recently, but this is a decent moment to show that. If we're counting this as "the point things get tough".

Guido glides into the Mysterious Beyond and crashes, then wakes up. He asks what's going on, and assumes this is a prank. Apparently there were no terrible consequences for Guido waking up while sleepwalking, so this whole thing was pointless. Then the "ground" starts shaking. Then it stands up.

Oh, cool, a Spinosaurus! Not anywhere near the water, so clearly this 2006 movie hadn't quite gotten the memo on them being semi-aquatic, like crocodiles. But still, one of my all-time favorite dinosaurs getting focus is nice!

Guido falls off and tries to run but then the Spinosaurus bites down! Okay, it ate him, adventure's over, Guido's dead, let's go back home! No, obviously he's not dead. He is inside the Spino's mouth, though, and he tickles its mouth from the inside with a feather, making the Spino laugh until he can jump out.

That was really fucking stupid.

Guido tries to shake off the saliva then runs for it, and the Spinosaurus gives chase! It's just about to catch him when Petrie swoops in to save him, grabbing Guido and flying up with him!

That's impressive, Petrie has consistently struggled to carry Ducky, and Guido's bigger than her. Then again, Petrie has also gotten a LOT of flying exercise recently, and Guido's probably built light, since he's a Flyer, too. Petrie mentions that he's surprisingly heavy, and Guido attributes it to being soaking wet with Sharptooth spit.

The Spino keeps chasing them, and Guido's too heavy for Petrie to get enough height to get out of reach! Petrie's getting tired bobbing and weaving! The rest of The Gang crest the mountain and hear a roar, then look down at the scene.

There's a front-on chasing shot (a lot of those recently), with really bad compositing, they mess up the Petrie and Guido layers, putting Guido's head behind Petrie's legs when Petrie's carrying him by his nape. Petrie asks Guido why he's not flying himself, and Guido retorts that he can't fly! Spike slips and collides with the other kids, knocking them down into the valley! The Spino shifts attention to chase the bigger kids! Petrie bonks the Sharptooth on its head with Guido to try and distract it, but that fails!

Littlefoot leads the gang through a pair of interlacing rocks. Petrie tells Guido to hold out his arms and leg! Wait, and legs? is Guido actually supposed to have the Microraptor's leg-wings, and they just forgot to include them in his design? The Spino roars at them before a bite, and its breath hits Guido's wings, pushing them forward through the rocks and getting the Spino stuck in them!

Petrie lands, exhausted. Littlefoot tells him those rocks won't last forever, and Petrie walks over to rest on his head. There's a weird comedy bit where Guido freaks out at a jaw of sharp teeth but it's actually a Sharptooth skeleton and he apologizes to it for getting mixed up. Cera picks him up, and the Gang run away while the Spino struggles with the rocks and roars in frustration.

Back at the nest, Petrie's mom wakes up and tells her kids to wake up for the big day. While stretching, they notice that Petrie is missing. The Gang have crossed over the Great Wall and are on their way back. Petrie's worried he'll be late, but Littlefoot reassures him that he's got time. Cera tells him to rest up.

Guido: "Oh, this is all my fault! Hey, if you hadn't come to rescue me you'd be home and rested and- and- and ready to go! And I STILL don't understand how I even got there!"

Littlefoot, Petrie, Cera, and Ducky: "YOU CAN FLY!"

Guido: "What? In my sleep?! Okay, how weird do you guys think I am?!"

Cera: "Don't get me started..."

Petrie's siblings are worried what they're going to do without Petrie, and their mom says they'll have to go without him. The Gang have reached the lava pool on the way back, and Petrie thinks it might be better this way if he misses it. Cera insists he's a great Flyer, and Ducky says he flies like nobody else. Petrie points out that's the problem, repeating that the whole point of the Day of Flyers is to be like everybody else. Guido chimes in.

Guido: "But but but-but maybe that's not the problem, m-maybe it's the solution! Eh look, if there's one thing I've had to learn it's that you can't worry about being like everybody else! You just have to be yourself. Just be Petrie, and you'll be fine!"

Where did this revelation come from? Guido was asleep most of the previous scenes, he hasn't even flown yet. The last time he was conscious, he was cheering and celebrating Petrie successfully flying in formation!

Petrie agrees, and they hear a screech. The three judges are flying in, meaning it's just about to start! Littlefoot tells Petrie to go now, they'll catch up in time to cheer for him.

Why are there judges? I thought this was like a bar mitzvah or quinceañera, not a competition.

Tricia also hears the judges screech and she follows them, while Tria and Topsy are still asleep. They take positions on a cliff and Petrie's mom talks to her kids about how they'll have to make due without Petrie. Petrie flies in, demanding to know who said he's not here! His siblings ask where he was and then impress the importance of flying like them. He says that he'll fly like him, and their mom seems intrigued before asserting he'll do fine. The sun rises, and with it, tons of young Flyers in the Valley take to the air.

I didn't know there were that many Flyers in the Great Valley. Usually, when we see crowd shots, it's just Petrie's family and one or two others.

Petrie's family takes off, too, and take formation. The Gang trudge back, very sleepy, but then they see all the Flyers in the sky and wonder which one's Petrie. The Gang cross the creek from before over some rocks, while Tricia plays nearby, staring upward. She trips on a root and almost starts crying, but then a dragonfly distracts her and she chases it.

Petrie's mom watches her children fly in formation with concern, as the judges look on.

I like their designs.

Petrie chants to himself.

Petrie (nervously): "Me fly along with all the rest, me gonna pass the flying test." *he gets more confident* "Me fly real good, me fly okay, me gonna do it Petrie's way!" *more confident* "Me fly real good, me fly okay, me gonna do it Petrie's way!!"

He flies out of formation high above the rest, doing a spin, then returns to the group without hitting them. They're still annoyed at him for messing around. Their mom wonders what he's up to. Littlefoot sees him and Ducky wonders what he's doing. He's doing figure-8 loops around the front of the V-formation, before returning to it seamlessly! Guido climbs up on a tree for a closer look.

When Petrie returns, his antics inspire one of his siblings to break from the group, too. They fly up and spin around like a top, and Petrie praises them when they return. Petrie does another loop, and one-by-one, each of Petrie's siblings break from formation to do one little trick, then return to their spot in formation, keeping the practiced synchronicity while adding spontaneity in controlled bursts! This leads into song 3 of the movie: Flip, Flap, and Fly.

...goddammit, I am not immune to big showstopper musical numbers. This song rules! The closest comparison point I can think of is You Can't Stop The Beat from Hairspray, and that's high praise. In contrast to Things Change, the animation here is absolutely ridiculously good, constantly moving and shifting and escalating to the big finale!

The lyrics are a little repetitive, but there are enough breaks and solos to keep it feeling fresh. Especially with the judges, I'm so glad the judges weren't sticks in the mud, they're actually fun and encouraging. Which makes sense, they "judge" a children's rite of passage ceremony. It's not a serious competition, and it makes sense they'd be friendly and good with kids.

And the singing is great. Especially with the judges adding low and high pitched elements, they really add depth to the song's soundscape. And the message is great, Guido and the judges especially do a good job with their verses.

I was a bit concerned for the egg, but the song kept coming back to it as a throughline and the resolution there was pretty great with it hatching mid-song.

I'm not really a fan of Mo and the Tinysauruses, and while their cameos are short and fun, they're also confusing. The path from the Great Valley to Big Water involved like two waterfalls and a huge rock, how is Mo here? Also, a huge plot point of the last movie was that the Tinysaurus cave system was destroyed, how were they able to fly through it?

Whatever, that's a nitpick, the song is still fantastic.

As you can see, the song ends on Tricia. She's entranced by all the pretty Flyers in the sky. So entranced, that she doesn't look where she's going and falls into the river! She cries and screams as the current takes her downhill! Her cries wake up Tria and Topsy, who are still asleep even though they were clearly awake and watching during the song (bad continuity). The Gang hear her crying too, and Cera recognizes her little sister's voice and run off.

From his perch in the tree, Guido can see Tricia in the river. He wishes there was something he could do! He flashes back to everyone yelling at him that he can fly, and decides there's only one way to find out, before jumping out of the tree! He flails wildly before the wind catches his wings and he starts gliding. Petrie also hears Tricia crying and splits off from the group to dive down, not caring about finishing the show!

Guido dives down and grabs Tricia out of the water!... using his arms. Which have his wings on them that he needs to fly (a shame he doesn't have wings on his legs like a Microraptor should). He and Tricia immediately fall back in the water! They're being pulled by the current toward a massive waterfall! Guido tries to paddle with one arm, but it's not enough!

Right as they go over the ledge, Petrie dives down and grabs Guido's arm! He's strong enough to fly with both of them! Just barely! And he's slowly descending! So not quite strong enough! He yells for help and his siblings fly down to help, grabbing onto his wings in a V-formation and pulling up together!

You know, I think it'd be more effective if they were just grabbing different parts of Guido and Tricia and lifting, instead of putting all that stress on Petrie's shoulders.

Littlefoot and Cera run up to the bank of the river, and Tricia is so excited to see Cera that she accidentally wriggles out of Guido's arm! She falls, screaming, as Tria and Topsy also run up and gasp in horror! Cera manages to catch her on her face!

Tria celebrates that Tricia is safe and Topsy celebrates that Cera is a hero. Guido, Petrie, and all of Petrie's siblings float down to a satisfied and tired heap on the ground. Topsy thanks Petrie and Guido for saving Tricia. Guido puts his foot in his mouth.

Guido: "Well and-and thank you very much eh-huh, big guy! Eh, I mean, eh, I don't mean that you're, you know, like fat big, I mean that you're big, you're tall, I mean, well of course anybody is taller than me, you in particular, I mean hey, hey you got a nosebleed 'cause look how big you are, I mean ah-heh-heh, I- I really think I'd better go away, buh-bye, big gu- sir, oh!"

Guido exits stage right. Littlefoot points out that Petrie and his family didn't finish the Day of the Flyers, meaning they'll have to do it again. They're okay with that, since it was fun. Petrie's mom comes down and Petrie apologizes, but she's proud of them for knowing what's really important. And then she says that the Day of the Flyers will never be the same again, as the camera pulls back on a huge cloud of Flyer kids playing and swooping around in the sky!

Tricia gets distracted by a butterfly and follows it for a little bit before walking straight up to Cera.

Tricia: "Cewa!"

Her big sister and parents gasps with joy, and Cera nuzzles her.

The camera pulls out as the narrator explains that many changes occurred today and many more would come. Change is a part of life.

The end credits song is just an instrumental version of Flip, Flap, and Fly, not particularly noteworthy.

This was a bad movie that could have been great if it had a few more writing passes.

Like, I can't believe the Spinosaurus didn't come back, especially after Littlefoot literally said it would get out. And then the climax is based around Tricia being washed down a river and Spinosaurus is semi-aquatic, that should literally write itself!

The Spinosaurus is the most nothing Sharptooth encounter in the whole franchise. More nothing than the Sharptooth in 8, at least that Sharptooth got multiple scenes. This just gets one. Absolute waste of a Spinosaurus!

Similar to 11 and 8, this is a film where a huge part of the premise just DOESN'T WORK. Specifically, here it's no-one realizing Guido is a Flyer even though they've met Ichy before.

The whole "Guido sleepwalking" thing, despite being foreshadowed with his first appearance, feels like a cheap plot device to pad for time. It takes up 20 whole minutes of the film and accomplishes very little aside from filling the "adventure, crossing a chasm, Mysterious Beyond, and Sharptooth" quota. And they never answer the question of Guido's amnesia, they never go into his backstory. He just sleepflew here one day and that's it.

Overall, Guido is annoying, shallow, and offensive in the Jewish stereotype he embodies. If he wasn't a stereotype, he'd still be really annoying with how they obviously meant to cast a famous stand-up comedian to play him but couldn't get anyone. But because he's a walking stereotype, that makes him so much worse. He has good moments but they're few and far between, outweighed heavily by his bad and cringey moments.

On the other hand, the other new character: Tricia, is great. She's not NEARLY as annoying as Dana and Dinah. She occasionally gets into trouble, but it's usually very mild trouble, she doesn't mean to, and she's sensitive to when others are angry. She's also genuinely adorable, Nika Futterman did a fantastic job with the baby noises, and that little "Cewa" warmed my heart. Cera barely tolerated Dana and Dinah, but you can feel how much she loves Tricia.

Something I was disappointed by: they didn't even MENTION Pterano! With how Petrie-focused this film is, they should have at least mentioned him, considering how close he and Petrie were. Like maybe have Petrie's mom make a comment that Petrie is very similar to Pterano, they're both individualists who stand out from the crowd, and Pterano had issues with his Day of the Flyers, too. Something like that.

Pros: The Universal logo fake-out. One song is good, another is fantastic. Tricia is great. Petrie and Cera were both great in their own plots.

Cons: Guido offends me. Guido is unfunny, despite constantly making jokes. Guido's sleepwalking wasted 20 minutes. What Petrie's issue is, exactly, is inconsistent. Very bad continuity. Terrible Sharptooth, waste of a Spinosaurus. One song is bad. The writing for the first half is hackneyed and sitcom-y. The climax is tacked-on.

Score: This is a movie with highs and lows. But, frankly, it's a lot more lows than highs. And while some highs are REALLY high, some lows are REALLY low. I'm giving this one a 3/10, with a huge asterisk that it has some genuine 8-9/10 high moments.

The Land Before Time: 8/10 (hypothetical uncut version: 9/10)

The Great Valley Adventure: 8/10

The Time of the Great Giving: 7/10

Journey Through The Mists: 7/10

The Mysterious Island: 9/10

The Secret of Saurus Rock: 2/10

The Stone of Cold Fire: 10/10

The Big Freeze: 6/10

Journey To Big Water: 4/10

The Great Longneck Migration: 9/10

Invasion of the Tinysauruses: 2/10

The Great Day of the Flyers: 3/10

[pishifuzul]

i'm not trying to mine you for anything, to be clear, i don't want to be rude or asking to much and i don't want to be presumptuous, but i know you've probably thought through this and i'm personally attempting to currently, and i wanted to know how you felt about it. you, at least presumably based on the things you post and the way you discuss her, are involved in a ~24/7 incestuous d/s type relationship or something adjacent to it. I am as well. I'd like to know what you think the psychological and political implications are for both sides of this dynamic. i don't think anything could drag me out of it, because it feels too good, but i struggle to really delve into the topic myself due to how primordial and fundamental the impetus seems to be, and how unwilling i am to confront the idea that it might be "bad" or something. In essence, i'm asking you how you've thought of your participation in such a dynamic and what that means for you and yours, how it reflects on you, in as much as you're willing to discuss it. i know this can be deeply personal, so if you're unwilling to broach the topic in any detail you can (obviously) discard this ask.

my baby and i talked about this one for a while. you've presented me with a sort of conundrum, because contrary to your presumption, i've not thought about the relationship in those terms (viz. "psychological and political implications") at all and nor has she. in fact, you would have a hard time selling me on any duty or motive to think about it. my initial instinct on reading this ask was that i don't care about the "implications" in the slightest and it is not a question i have any theoretical interest in. but that's unhelpful, and there is in fact more to say here—just maybe not what you might be looking for

first, there is the question of etiology, i.e. "why do i like this?". maybe in years past this would have appealed to a psychologizing streak in me, but these days it's just an academic question i have no desire to pursue. it feels good, and it's irrelevant to me why, except inasmuch as i can figure out how to make it feel better. but then we're talking about something else.

second, and of more interest to me, is your concern about "what this means for" or "how it reflects on" you. this is still not a question i struggle with because i don't need an answer to it. but i can see a trail upstream of this question, originating in moralizing discourses of the sinner and the sinned, the predator and the prey, the monster and the innocent. there is a pervasive framing of the dom as pathological and the sub as angelic (aside, i don't think of my relationship in d/s terms, though it "technically" fits the template). within this frame the dom is perpetually implicated in wrongdoing, even if it is "consensual", and the sub is absolved of any responsibility. everybody wants the older girl, but nobody is allowed to want the younger one. i've seen people absorb this rhetoric into shame and guilt for occupying the latter position; i've also seen it, more insidiously, absorbed by the former to shed all duty to the partner. from this there issues a need that people feel to justify or explain or legitimize or even just analyze "the implications" of what they are doing lest they fall on the wrong side of morally acceptable kink. as we all know tho, these sides are artificial and conventional. and the dom needs aftercare too. so i don't have answer for you, except to ask: why is this something that occupies your thoughts so much in the first place? what is it that drives you to figure this out? why are the implications of concern to you? more pointedly, why must there be any implications at all?

i don't know if you've read serious weakness, but i posted once that nobody has understood me until they've understood the grip tria has on insul. if that's intelligible to you, then that's my short answer. i'm not worried about implications, because what i have going on is a closed loop with much more balance than some might assume.

[grantmentis]

Michael Russo Interview with Dan Barriero

Michael Russo was one of the first to report on Natalie Darwitz firing and is one of the most respected Minnesota hockey journalists. Here’s some notes from his interview with Dan Barriero which you can listen to here

Notes:

-admits that he’s not around the team every day

-tweet tipped him off early in the day and investigated

-called the league “beyond incompetent” and that he’s heard a lot of stories about how not well run it is, especially in regards to media relations

-when Russo told them he was going to publish the story, they told him they were going to put out a statement in “20 minutes” that night but never happened

-all year power struggle between Klee and Darwitz

-league hired Klee for the coaching job, not Darwitz and she got no say, due to how close it was to the season. This was a problem because he originally interviewed and was a candidate for general manager

-“3 or 4 veterans” very aligned with Klee, including Coyne, coyne wields a ton of power in this league with Hefford

-says he’s only gotten one side as klee cant talk and coyne won’t comment despite multiple requests

-“they had to pick one and they picked Ken”

-the consulting firm actually advised that it’s not the first power struggle on a sports team and wanted to mediate it out and didn’t happen

- there were several players who were pro Darwitz

-says coyne called lines on bench and had a lot of power on the team

-Darwitz hired all training and medical groups, tria deal, signed and drafted all players

-“there was a bunch of odd stuff going on this year with the veterans” from the pro-Darwitz players Russo talked to

[macabresymphonies]

Are we dealing with alchemists looking for The Philosopher's Stone?

(I will be referencing partially to the ARG, most importantly to the so called Klaus sheet that has german version on categories the OIAR team is using, and some light spoiler to The Magnus Archives, so beware).

We're four episodes in and cross-referencing each episode so far, there seems to be few things that connect most of them:

an orchestrator

a medium

an obsession

a transformation

Each episode so far mentions some type of third party being involved in the incident: Harriet Winstead mentions a "consultant" that was supposed to help her see Arthur, RedCanary mentions getting harrased by an anonymous stalker, Daria commissions Ink5oul for a tattoo, Dr Samuel Webber mentions seeing his dead wife "Maddie" who stops him from tampering with the transformation (could be a hallucination, but could also be somebody using his delirioum to impersonate her) and today we've got a mention of a "giftgiver" who gave The Violinist the Violin.

Additionally each incident mentions some type of specific medium the characters came into contact with: The Box, The Violin, The Ink (cross referenced in Klaus sheet from the ARG), The Garden (as in plants in the garden). The exception being the Harriet, but we don't know yet what "caused" ressurection of Arthur. This is important, because in TMA items and "mediums" weren't actually all that common, it was very often stressed that relics were medium for the fears to use directly (with people only doing their bidding), not to be handled by others as a medium.

Lastly each episode talks obsession and/or transformation and oh boy, let me tell you about bunch of guys historically obsessed with tranforming stuff through different mediums:

"It's not very suprising, alchemical symbols are everywhere throughout the podcast!" you might say. True, but let's take into consideration, what excactly is a goal of an alchemist? Well the answer is quite simple and there is actually three of them. The Three Goals of Alchemy are:

To turn base metals into noble ones

To discover the recipe for a Philosopher's Stone

To find the Elixir of Life that gives eternal youth and defies death

All of them refer to some type of recipie of method, so where are the recipies? Under our own noses. The recipies are the DPHW catalogue and the database Freddie is sending the incident reports to is an alchemical cookbook! Each entry is categorized something like that:

CAT$$$R&&#### - theme (specification) -/- subtheme [medium]

Some specifications:

$ - are a conbination of numbers 1, 2 and 3. They do not always appear in threes, sometimes it's just 3, sometimes 12 (as in 1 and 2) so forth. These has been widely theorized to be related to the The Tria Prima, a group of three materials which occupy a position of prominence in alchemy: Sulphur(🜍), Mercury(☿) and Salt(🜔) or as they are also characterized Soul, Mind and Body. If we assign each of them a number with 1 being Soul, 2 being Mind and 3 being body, they so far align with the main "components" of each incident or realms they deal in.

R - either appears or not, it was theorized this is a RANK and that previous files were simply misfiled by Sam, but to me it also could be REGIA as in Aqua Regia (🜆) where we are to assume the R was added to the previous element (Aqua (🜄) + Regia (R)). The meaning behind assigning some some incidents the rank of regia has yet to be explained though.

& - these are letters C, BC, B, AB, A and S signifying a rank (or rang in the Klaus sheet) . Lets ignore that S for a second, but they seem to be stages and half stages, well there can't possibly a concept of four stages in alchemy? Let me introduce you to the Magnum Opus (Great Work). Basically each alchemical project went through four stages: nigredo (black), albedo (white), citrinitas (yellow) and rubedo (red) with rubedo specifically signifying a great discovery was made and Magnum Opus was a success, but it does not necessairly mean an alchemical goal was reached.

To summarize, numbers one C-A signify stage of the project, with S, that appears once on mostly redacted cell in the Klaus sheet, signifying that not only the final stage was reached, but the project has been a success.

This could mean a finished Magnum Opus is out there, developed in the field of the Soul and related to the mysterous Mr. B.

# - these numbers are still a mystery, I do have some theories myself, but to summaries I think they are grades and some type of combination (I think it's either 9999, 0000 (as in all 10s) or perhaps 7777 (7 being the most important alchemical number)). Basically a specific combination could imply the specific discovery could be categorized as a Philosopher's Stone. What that could mean for the narrative? We will see, but I suspect it's an alchemical equivalent to an eldritch nuke in this universe.

Last thing to support my theory, the OIAR logo. The lion and the unicorn are obviously symbols for the United Kingdom, as this is a government office, and the words undearneath are "we will not falter" (probably reference to the paranormal incidents they deal with) the rest though?

Alchemical symbols for Salt, Mercucry and Sulphur are right there, all encompassed by an upside-down version of The Philosopher's Stone symbol; The Greatest Magnum Opus:

As to what the Magnum Opus are in TMAGP, each incident has an item associated with it, I noticed that the characters do not get corrupted by people directly this season, but through the use of items like ink, instruments, plants.