#Total Word Count: 35789

[lostandfoundbook]

Chapter 9

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Alex had a few weeks to make her choice. She decided she couldn't stay with Everette, and she couldn't go down the path of pain and suffering again. She had done it many times in the past. She journaled a lot and was able to decompress her feelings in this manner. She'd re-read through her journal and reminisce on the memories she latched onto. 

Having amnesia was extremely weird. Sometimes when people asked her things, it was like she just knew she knew it, but she couldn't place her finger on it. Like somebody who needed glasses, taking them off, and asking them to read a book. All the lines between her life were blurred together, one gap in-between.

Currently, Alex and the other cast members were sitting in the back of the stage, all dawned up in their leotards and costumes. Some people were dressed in 19th century clothing despite the time frame Spring Awakening took place in. It matched the ballet, however, and Alex liked it. 

She turned to face Brandon. "Do you think we could take a picture?"

The entire group clamored in whispers and giggles, excited to be apart of the process. Alex whipped out her phone and handed it to Brandon. "You have the longest arms." She shrugged. 

"Okay, everyone say 'Sneeze'!"

"Sneeze!" the whole group yells out, a few of them continuing to giggle. "Here you go"

"You alright with me posting this?" Alex asked, looking towards the other cast mates. Nobody said no, so she continued on her way. She stepped away from the crowd of people and posted it on instagram with the caption "happy to be back in theatre" all lowercase. She posted it and then headed over to Twitter, where she noticed she was trending. She scrunched up her nose and clicked open the hashtag.

"Andie Gray pictured with boyfriend Everette Hart!" There was much disgust in the comments below, but also, a lot of people rooting for Alex. She sighed out, and shook her head. Of course Everette would pick today of all days to try to launch their relationship. By this point, she had already had multiple phone calls with him discussing how they absolutely, would not work out, under any circumstances. 

He said he didn't want to hear it until she said it to his face. She refused to see him again, and so instead they sat in Schrodinger's dating sphere. She scrolled back down to her original timeline and retweeted a few posts before copy pasting her Instagram post onto Twitter. That ought to add fire to the flames. People will be so jealous they didn't get tickets, they'll completely forget about Everette.

She was basically hard-launching her platonic relationship with Oliver to the public, as well. By this point, it would be pretty obvious that if she was apart of one of his productions, that she'd somehow made up with him. She herself didn't know how it happened, so she didn't get into it, But now EVERYBODY would be asking her about it. In the mean time, she tried to ignore it.

Instead she focused on the fact that she only had thirty minutes until she was set to go on stage. Thirty long minutes that felt like torture. She just wanted everything to be done and over with, and passing the time felt impossible when you were supposed to stay backstage.

"Does anyone have anything to do?" Alex asked out as she walked back towards the crowd. "We could text people. Drink some tea. Rehearse one last time before we go."

Alex eyed up Brandon before making a judgement in her head. "Lets go through the lift one last time. And then we should run Mama Who Bore Me Reprise in the studio room just in case. And maybe we could text a few people." 

Brandon's eyes lit up in fear "You want to do the lift?!" 

"Yay! Let's call people!" Julia added in.

"You can do it!" Scott clapped his hand onto Brandon's shoulder and the two met eye to eye for a moment, before Brandon looks away, blushing. Those two are totally going to get together at one point, Alex thought to herself. "Okay. Yes. I want to do the lift. We can do it! And I do need to call my PR people and check in..."

"Okay! Then get ready, Alex, because I'm about to catch you!"

"You better!" She jokes, giving him a stern look playfully. "Ready?" she gave him a single nod.

"Ready."

She began sprinting towards him and jumped into the air a bit too early, crashing into Brandon. "Ouch!" 

"That wasn't supposed to happen. That was my fault."

Brandon rubbed his head. "Is that what it feels like every time I drop you?" Alex let out a little giggle. "I wouldn't know, I can't feel what you're feeling. But... probably. Get up and let's do it again"

"Are you sure? I'm pretty confident I can do it..."

Alex held her hand out and put the other on her hip. "I'm not THAT bad." She raised her eyebrow and kicked her leg out to the side. She was wearing pointe shoes that she'd have to change out of after the first scene which accentuated her movements. Brandon grabbed her hand and hoisted himself up.

"Alright. Give me distance."

Alex did a mini-sprint backwards before stretching out her arms. "Ready?"

He nodded towards her this time, and she started sprinting again. She used her arms to give her momentum she didn't have previously, and she catapulted herself into his arms. Once again, his knees were weak and shake-y underneath him. It would've need nice if he'd been able to stabilize it at this point to minimize the risk of dropping her. 

He lifted her up into the air when he slowly lifted her down in front of him with one arm, her arm sitting straight out mirroring his to steady her own balance. She reached the floor En Pointe and turned to look at him. "We did it!" 

"Yes, we did!"

Alex looked towards the crowd, who were all doing their own form of rehearsing. "Hey, can we get the ensemble for the Reprise? Call if you need us. You have my number" 

A few people out of the crowd came tagging along as Alex led them all towards the sound-proof studio room just next door. 

When they finished rehearsing the Reprise, Alex was feeling like she needed SOMETHING to do before she went insane. She scrolled through her contacts on her phone and selected Greg's name. It rang once. Twice. Three times. "Hello?"

She beamed at the other end of the line. "Hi Greg, It's Alex. I'm looking for PR help. You're who I call, right?"

There was a sigh on the other end of the line. "This is about Everette? We can't do anything about it--"

"No. I was thinking, I go heavy handed and promote the theatre show I'll be doing."

The line was silent for a few minutes. Alex made her way back towards the backstage area and noticed how worn down the buildings back on this side of the hotel looked. Very dilapidated and elegant at the same time. You could tell it was built a long time ago. 

"Alright, listen. We can give you all the promo in the world you need, but right now, we need music."

Alex nearly stopped in place as she heard the words ringing in her ears. She wasn't ready to return to music yet. It was too raw of a process for her. It was barring her entire soul into one piece over and over and over again until it's pure perfection. It's sending your emotions out into the world as a gift, with the recipient being able to deny it at any given moment, leading to heartbreak. 

Alex wasn't ready for heartbreak, yet. That's why she kept avoiding Everette. She knew that those paths in her life lead to nothing but sorrow and anguish. They tug on the blurriest memories of hers, telling her that she's missing SOMETHING important. It nags at her soul, and it kept repeating itself. "find it. find me."

Maybe music was the way to find it? "Listen... I'll consider writing a single... maybe. I'm going through a break up right now and I--"

"Perfect! Use that material for a new song."

Alex frowned. "You know, these are the kinds of conversations I have with my producer and management, not my PR team."

"In terms of PR, we are drowning. You've mysteriously fallen ill which has left us with the aftermath of whatever has happened. The people asking for comments, the people looking for interviews, all of the people who are asking where you've been-- it's starting to become our problem. You need something that will shocked these people enough to leave an impression and tell them all you're safe."

"Tell them I'm safe?" she questioned, as if she hadn't questioned it before. Was she safe at the hotel? Instantly, yes. 100% yes, the hotel is safe.

"I am safe."

There was a hardy sigh on the other line of the phone. "I know that. You know that. Do THEY know that? Or have you been too vague." 

Alex had fully made her way backstage and was surrounded by her other castmates as she next spoke out the words "Okay. I'll release another song."

For a minute, she didn't even think about it. It wasn't until she looked up from her phone call and saw everyone with saucers for eyes. "What?"

"You're making more music? You've been on hiatus forever! Like, before coming here forever." Brandon spoke out, seeming the most excited. "Everyone is going to lose their minds when they hear it."

Alex playfully pushed him away from her before she chewed on the inside of her lip. Were people really excited to hear her music? "Would you still like my music if I changed styles..." Alex hung up the call without listening to what Greg was saying.

"Or producers" Julia added on. "What? No! I like Benji's producing" Scott added on. It all felt very surreal to her. Like she had been given tickets to her own fan club meeting.  And in a way, she had. These people were her friends, yes, but they also cared about and supported her career.

It was a little glimpse into the minds of the people who loved her. 

"I might have to change producers. Maybe. It'd be easier to record here, I think. But I don't even know what I'm really allowed to do. I'm just staying here, not living here, so I don't know what amenities I'm allowed to use."

"It's so cool, though!" Scott began "You get to try out all these cool things. I just work here, you know. I constantly wonder what it would be like living here full time. The pool, the mini plaza they tried to recreate. It all seem so.. lavish."

Alex didn't have to stop to consider it. She already knew it was an extravagant place to live. She barely touches the surface of it, but she understood deeply. "Yeah, it really is."

Out of the corner of her eye, Alex could see the director staring her down. "Give me a second, yeah?"

She walked over to where he walk standing. She was instantly hit by his aroma, some kind of perfume that smelt expensive. And nice. "You're all ready? All prepared?" He asked out as she met his eyes. "Yes, we've even got all the music down proper. We're ready for this."

His eyes narrowed "I've never had so many people show up to one of my shows" 

"Really?"

He nodded in affirmation. She stepped around him to peek outside the curtain, and could see the seats jam packed. Some people were on their phones, while others talked to the people around them. The light were all low except for the multiple spotlights angled at the stage, lighting it up. There had to be at least three thousand people inside of here.

"What's the capacity?" 

"Three thousand five hundred. We had to stop accepting people at the front door. We told them there were no tickets. We can't afford to mess anything up tonight." He gave her a glare, as if she were the commanding force here. Any sense of authority that he once had seemed to have left his body. Her voice was steady as she spoke "We won't. We've been practicing for weeks."

A moment of silence between the two before Dr. Mike the director regained his composure and walked away. Alex has a charm to her that made people drop their guard whenever she was around. It was her special gift to the world. 

She turned back toward her cast mates and took a deep breath of recognition. "Are you guys ready? We go on in two minutes and we have a full house."

Julia smiled deeply. "Oh, yes. We've got this. I've been waiting for this my whole life." Alex gave a half smile as she turned towards the rest. "And you guys?"

"We're ready, Alex." 

She sighed. "Good, because I just told the director we're ready. Now is go time. Everyone get your last sip of tea and make sure your props are all in place. Where is the stage manager, by the way?"

"Karen's over there." Scott pointed towards the other side of the stage, where the director and the stage manager stood together, talking. "Alright. Everything's in order then." She brushed off the wrinkles in her clothes and stepped towards the curtains. 

The crowd was bustling with life and threatened to intrude on her thoughts of composure. There really were so many people. Benji never used to pull crowds like this, and neither did Alex. She didn't know what type of shows she did before her accident (namely because she couldn't remember, but also because of the drugs she'd done at the time), but she knew this had to have been her biggest show yet.

"What are you thinking about right now, Andie?" Julia asked out, placing a hand on her shoulder. She nearly jumped from the skin-to-skin contact but managed to compose herself. "I'm thinking that this is a shit ton of people..." She finally replied.

"Yeah.. It's your biggest show, yet. But it's ALL of our biggest shows ever, and for some of us, it's our first time on the big stage. We're all a big ball of nerves. Try to use that for the performance, yeah?"

Alex nodded. She walked over towards her binder and phone laying on a table in the back and picked up her phone. She scrolled over to twitter and looked through the notifications. A lot of the people showing up were her fans, and they managed to get last minute tickets within the 25 minutes of her posting. This was the reason it was so full. It was because of her.

She was nervous. She didn't get nervous often. It was an emotion she tucked away into the corners of her mind and suppressed them as hard as she could. There was no time to be nervous when you had to focus on the roar of the crowd in front of you, cheering your name.

It was time to get into their places, and everyone in the cast quickly ran to the strike marks that had been placed on the ground and waited for their cues. They we're all mic-ed up, and full of glee and nerves. As the call for curtains to rise came, all Alex knew was that she came face to face with Oliver sitting in the crowd.

She could feel the butterflies in her stomach as she remembered what Avery had told her. This could be a good thing, but right now she couldn't focus on anything but him as she tried to avoid making eye contact with the crowd. It became nerve wracking. She channeled her energy into her character as she took a breath and she began to sing

'Mama who bore me, Mama who gave me, No way to handle things, Who made me so sad'

She was mock-standing in front of a mirror in a short white tutu, and she drew her leg out to her side as she sang. She begun to dance in a way that portrayed her emotions, expressive, youthful, and free. It was a very contemporary piece, and she found herself wondering if Oliver understood that.

She began running through the routine she'd been learning weeks previous. Her developpe was high pointed in the air with one arms mirroring her leg, and the other straight out by her side. Her soul lead her into her next position, a simple attitude croise devant. It was meant to represent your inner child, and was mirrored after children ballet.

Alex was perfect with this. These were the years she was allowed to perfect and grow, the same way she continued to grow on the stage as the song furthered.

'Some pray that one day, Christ will come a'-callin, They light a candle, And hope that it glows'

From here she felt her worries of Oliver sitting there begin to fade away as she began to get lost in the character. The feeling of being unknowing, uncaring, and fearless. Truly innocent and youthful. So full of joy. That was who the character Wendla truly was to her.

Her simple dancing turned into something more advanced as she continued on with a fouette. She passed her working leg in front of her body whilst spinning, and twisted her arms by her side as she did so, giving her momentum. She bended her knees to steady out the movement, and continued singing as she did so.

'And some just lie there crying, For Him to come and find them, But when He comes they don't know how to go'

From there her dancing stopped, and the ensemble members began to walk into main stage. Three girls on each side of Alex, each holding a candle with a flame on the end of it. It shocked her weeks ago when she learned they were allowed to use open flames in Oliver's theatre. She guessed the rules must be different when you aren't working with a dilapidated building that was falling apart around you.

She ended the beginning song of the musical with interpretive dance, pulling her hands up to her face and letting the back up dancers drown her out.

Performing the musical had actually been really easy. Of course, there were hard moments. Like the grave scene. Alex had to work hard to not keep crying throughout the rest of the ending scenes. Once she locked onto a character, it was really hard for her to get out of that mindset. Once she's crying, she's crying. All the nerves that she might have been suppressing came barreling out.

The ending scene got her heavily worked up, too. She was sat backstage crying while other people were busy massaging their ever-swollen feet. Ballet-feet were never pretty, but it could wait ten more minutes for Alex to deal with her emotions.

And lastly, Alex almost couldn't handle the pressure of knowing Oliver's eyes were on her. Watching her. Judging her. She hadn't had the time to remember the Survive event, but she knew this is why she felt such pressure for it to really be... perfect. Everything had to be perfect.

By the time that everyone was doing their bows, Alex saw Oliver stand up to clap with the rest of the people. He must have really liked it. She didn't know when she started caring about his opinion, but right now she really did. She saw him eyeing her up as she walked off the stage, going to greet a couple of her fans.

"Oh my god, hi!" one of them chirped. "I can't believe you're really here!" Another squawked.

"I know!" a third added on. "It's like a dream come true! You're doing professional theatre!"

Alex barely got a word in edge wise. She was just excited to see them here for her, supporting her, excited in their own little worlds. She took photos for them and signed their playbill proudly. They gawked and prodded about her life, which she left vague answers to. "Hey, do you mind? I think I've got another visitor" Alex eventually said, pointed towards Oliver's direction. He was pretending to not watch them by looking through the adverts attached to his own playbill.

"Of course! We're all so glad you patched things up. Well. Most of us. I'm glad!" The first girl said before getting dragged away by the other two. They giggled and talked as they walked away.

"Hey" Alex said, meeting eye to eye with Oliver for just a moment before looking away again. "Full crowd tonight"

"Yeah, you guys did great." Oliver finally said, putting the playbill in his suit jacket pocket. "You really think so?"

"Yeah. You want to go for a walk?" Oliver's eyes looked relaxed and comforting, as if they were inviting Alex to take a swim in them. They were inviting to look at, and she didn't feel any pressure to look away when she looked at him.

She felt that way with people, sometimes. Like their eye contact was so potent she might just combust into flame right then and there. But Oliver's eyes weren't like that. They soothed her unkempt soul like they were dousing her internal flame with a bucket of water.

"Obviously. Let me change real quick, though, it'll take me five minutes max."

Oliver raised a questioning eyebrow at her as she darted off up the stairs of the stage and into the backstage area. Alex quickly shed herself of her tutu and hair bun as she made her way into the dressing room, scavenging around for her book bag. She shed the rest of her costume and tossed it to the side.

She put on a black pair of sweatpants and a white tank top. She undid her point shoes and threw them across the room, cursing them out in her head as she did so. She eye'd up her blisters before eventually deciding to just go barefoot. Her messy blonde curly hair sat poofily against her shoulders as she fought to zip her bag clothes, launching it around her shoulder.

She darted back out of the backstage area. It looked so hollow and empty. It was a stark comparison to an hour and a half ago when it was bursting at the seams with life. She continued to make her way out of the door, shutting it behind her.

"Where are we gonna go?" she asked as she pitter-pattered her way up to him. "No shoes?" he asked. She just shook her head. "They hurt."

He shrugged with his facial expression and the two continued on their way. Oliver had his hands in his pockets as they made their way out of the theatre, walking down the hallways of the hotel. Oliver eventually broke the silence however, speaking as they walked. "You did good"

"It felt good. I've missed being apart of theatre."

"Why'd you stop?"

Alex looked out over the banister of the walkway. She could see she was on the ground floor and there was a center plaza in the middle full of seating and plants. A single front desk area sat unattended. "I don't know. I never got that far in the story."

Oliver understood what she meant. "Well, you're doing well in writing a new chapter."

"Minus a few bumps and bruises along the way"

Oliver took his hands out of his pockets and rubbed them together. "Every good character has flaws. Like Wendla."

"Right. Or like Ilse." She corrected. "I relate to her story more, despite playing Wendla. I mean, running away with an artist colony to do drugs?"

Oliver shook his head. "I never interpreted it at her doing drugs."

Alex laughed. "Ether? What else is that supposed to be?"

He smiled a look of contemned with the situation, as if he had been wrong and was okay with it. "Right. And you relate to that more? Running away to do drugs?"

It was another emotional bid of honestly from Alex. "Yeah. I mean, that's basically what I'm doing now, isn't it? It's what I've done in the past. Lots of running. Lots of drugs." The air was thick between the two, as if they were the only people in the world as they spoke.

"But what were you running from?" he asked, turning to look at her as she did. She looked down towards her feet. She noticed how red and swollen they'd become after she removed her shoes. She'd have to patch them up and bandage them when she got back to the room.

"Myself. My parents. My life. I think that's what my career started out as, really. Escapism. A form of entertainment to guide myself through school, at first. Then through college, before I dropped out. I couldn't afford it anymore. Then I ran from that, too."

"You do a lot of running, don't you?"

It was true. Parkour, dance, working out, actual running, it had always been her thing. Literally and metaphorically. She ran a lot. She confirmed his statement with a nod. She didn't seem to do a lot of talking, while saying everything at the same time.

"Do you want to get something to eat?"

She stopped to think for a minute. She was STARVING, but if she stopped moving, she might not start again. Her stomach growled as she was actively thinking about it. "I heard that. We should."

"It wasn't that loud!" Alex retorted, raising a hand to her stomach as she did. "It was. I literally heard it. We're getting food. It's this way."

Alex could see people out of the corner of her eye, but she ignored them and let herself fall into the world in front of her. Truly living in the moment as she tried to let the rest of the world fade away. She was tired, and a bit disoriented at this point. Fully exhausted from head to toe.

"I know where the food center is. I go there often."

"Well then. You don't need me."

The thought tugged on Alex's heart strings. "Noooo stop. You're just being evil, now." That earned her a giggle out of Oliver's mouth. A small one. The kind that you only let out with close friends. Subtle and gruff.  

"So you need me?" He added on playfully, clearly teasing. 

"Well, obviously I need you. I would be out of a house without you. I think I lived with Everette."

Oliver raised an eyebrow at her. "I'd need a drink at the end of the day, too, If I had to deal with him all day." Having conversations with him was easy. It was truthful. He always said what he meant, and meant what he said. There were no hidden agenda's behind his words. Just the brutal honestly of hating Everette.

"Yeah. I think I'm glad I don't remember that."

The two turned the corner to the food center, where all the lights were out except for a few building. "Oh."

"Yeah, I guess it is getting pretty late" Oliver finally said, crossing his arm to look at his watch. "It's 10 o'clock."

Alex pursed her lips. "I'm hungry!"

Oliver looked her in the eyes for a moment before nodding. "I know where we can get free food."