#Top-rated dental services

[rootsdentalcare]

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[gomissionsmile]

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[dental1234]

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[ckret2]

Chapter 33 of human Bill is still the Mystery Shack's prisoner:

Stan takes Bill to get fillings from a creepy dentist in the back of a white van. And also they're handcuffed together the whole time.

Hijinks ensue.

Stan was startled from reading the paper by a shrill up-and-down whistle. Bill trotted into the kitchen, his voice a singsong lilt: "Incoming!"

Stan lowered the paper to glare at Bill. "Still doing that, are you?"

"Of course! I'd hate to scare you." Bill took the chair across the kitchen table from Stan. "Gooood morni—"

"Go away." Stan determinedly returned his attention to an article about the deathball arena construction.

Bill laughed. "You're funny. Anyway!" He noted Stan's plate of eggs and salsa was hidden behind his newspaper, and quietly slid the plate across the table as he spoke. "I need you to do me the teensy, tiniest little favor—"

"Nope."

"Take me to your dentist."

"No." Stan didn't even lower his newspaper. "The last time I took you anywhere, you almost made my niece cry, my brother left a Shopliftaholics Anonymous flier on my bed, and all I got out of it was a crummy ring. You wanna go somewhere, talk to Soos."

But, Bill noted, Stan was wearing said crummy ring. "Spend a day with that loser?" He rolled his eyes. "Please. I'd rather pry out my fingernails."

"You'd probably enjoy that, you freak."

"Not the point." Bill stuffed half an egg in his mouth. "Anyway, it has to be you. I need fillings, and Dr. Illing does them for free."

Stan squinted over the top of his newspaper. "How do you know about Dr. Illing?"

"What part of 'all-seeing eye' don't you get?"

Dr. Illing was a wandering dentist who spent the warm summer months in Gravity Falls. He squeezed his van and trailer into alleys between businesses in town, where he both lived and provided dental services until the police caught wind and chased him and his van out into the woods for a few days. On days with good weather, he'd pop open the back hatch of his nondescript trailer and set up a sign that read "COME INSIDE! FREE CANDY (for new patients)". He didn't attract many customers.

What really made him stand out was his unusual pay structure. He charged typical rates for regular teeth cleaning and dental maintenance; but if a patient had a cavity, he gave them a gold filling for free, and he paid them if he needed to pull their teeth.

Stan thought he was terrific. He hadn't had to pay for dental care in thirty years! Granted, he also wore dentures now; but hey, Dr. Illing had helped pay off Ford's mortgage, and at least the dentures were on the house.

Bill said, "You're the only one in the shack who knows all the places Illing might set up shop. Besides, he might be less jumpy in front of a stranger if an existing patient can vouch for it."

"I can see where you're coming from," Stan said. "But my answer is no, because I don't wanna."

Bill scowled in irritation. He sat back and ate another of Stan's eggs as he reconsidered his approach.

"Stanley—I'm a simple shape," he said. "A simple shape who's used to being coated peak to base in pure, lustrous, 24-karat gold. Having skin makes my skin crawl. I don't need any dental work done, these teeth are fine—but I'd really, really like just a bit of gold, somewhere on my body, so I feel a little more like myself in my final days."

Stan muttered, "You're trying to appeal to sympathy I don't have, Cipher."

"And then, once I'm dead," Bill went on, "I suppose I'll be leaving behind a corpse with a mouthful of free gold that whoever's disposing of my remains can do whatever they want with, do you catch my meaning Stanley?"

Stan lowered his newspaper just enough to grimace at Bill. "That's absolutely disgusting," he said. "But okay, I'm bribed!" He tried to fold the newspaper. "If you want your mouth to fund me and Ford's next year of globe-trotting, fine by me. Least you can do for messing up our summer."

"Mhm." Bill shoveled the last egg into his mouth while Stan was distracted by the paper and slid the plate over to Stan's side.

Stan slapped the paper down. "But we're not telling Ford about this. Agreed?" He offered a hand to shake.

"Agreed." Bill took Stan's hand, with the wrong hand—but before Stan could figure out what to do with that, Bill jerked his hand back like he'd been burned. "We'll take this to our graves."

"Or to your grave, anyway!" Stan laughed loudly, slapping the table.

Bill watched him with a forced smile. "Great. Deal made. Let's go get the magic friendship bracelets and—"

"Ohhh no," Stan said. "I'm not trusting a little bit of colored lace and some mystical hocus-pocus to keep you contained. If we're going anywhere, I'm making sure you can't escape."

"Okay," Bill said, a touch warily. "Fine. How?"

####

Soos took the handcuffs out of his toolbox, removed the key and stuck it in his pocket, and asked, "What side do you want it on?"

"Left," Stan said. "Gotta keep my punching arm free." Bill rolled his eyes. 

Soos closed the cuffs on Stan's left wrist and Bill's right, then tightened Bill's half until it actually held his tiny wrist. "There."

"Ha!" Stan grinned at Bill. "Try escaping that!"

"I wasn't planning to escape."

"Sure, pull the other one." Stan pointed toward the door. "Now... to the car!"

####

They stared in dismay at Stan's car.

The El Diablo was a classic of the 1960s American automotive industry—and it was in terrific condition. (Notwithstanding the recent dents, scrapes, and keyed scratches in the paint reading "TRICK-OR-CHEATER!!") It came with the features standard to American cars of the time, like a steering wheel on the left, and a wide front bench that provided space for multiple passengers to sit to the driver's right side.

Bill was handcuffed to Stan's left side.

"Wow. You're stupid," Bill said.

"I'll break your smart mouth."

"What do I care, we're headed to the dentist anyway." He sighed. "Okay! Let's go inside and tell Questiony how stupid you are."

Stan did not want to tell Soos how stupid he was. "No! How do you know I didn't do this on purpose? Maybe having my right arm free is more important than—er... driving."

Bill considered that with pursed lips. After a pause, he ventured, "Do you want me to drive—?"

"No, no, nope, I am not letting you drive my car, under any circumstances, ever! Not a chance!"

"Then how are we doing this?"

####

Stan gripped the steering wheel with both hands, knuckles white and jaw clenched.

Bill was uneasily cuddled up against Stan's right side. The handcuff forced him to stretch his right arm across Stan's chest. 

They were both wearing tank tops. Their bare upper arms were plastered together with sweat.

They were getting cricks in their necks from how far they were tilting their heads away from each other.

On the radio, a hit 50's soul song crooned romantically, "Oh, my sweet love... you're my lovely sweetie... and I never love you more, than when you're pressed to my side... as we go for a sweet loving car ride..." Neither of them could reach the radio dial without touching each other even more. They'd silently decided to pretend as hard as possible that they couldn't hear the radio.

"Welp," Stan said. "Out of all the times I've been handcuffed in a car, this is one of the worst."

####

They spotted Dr. Illing's "FREE CANDY" sign posted surreptitiously near the barrel and crate factory, and circled the block to park the car in front of a business that looked responsible enough to file a missing persons report if the car was still abandoned there by nightfall.

They tumbled out of the driver's side door with a maneuver that looked like a cross between a waltz and a mugging. Stan kicked the door shut. As they untangled themselves, in a surprisingly decent impression of Stan's voice, Bill said, "Gotta keep my punching arm free. How's that working out for you?"

"Bold words from a guy in punching range, you little—" As Stan finally separated himself from Bill and straightened out, he caught sight of Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland halfway up the block. "Oh, great. Cops. Exactly what you want around when you're doing something weird." Stan shook his head. "Well, as long as we go the other way and don't make eye contact—"

"Hi Darryl! Hi Edwin!" Bill stood on his toes and waved wildly. "Hey! Working hard or hardly working? Haha!"

"Oh, hey Goldie!" Durland waved back, and he and Blubs headed their direction. "How've you been, did you have a nice Summerween?"

"Ahh, I was stuck in the house—"

"Bill," Stan hissed. "Whaddaya think you're doing? Do you want them asking questions?"

"Hey," Durland said, "Why're you handcuffed to Stan?"

Bill turned toward Stan. He smiled at him. It was a smile that said I did not think this through.

"You need some help there?" Blubs asked. "I bet we've got a key that matches that handcuff model."

Stan bet Bill would love to accept that offer and go traipsing off with the cops. "Nope! That's fine! Thank you officers, but we're keeping the handcuffs on," Stan said. "Because." He paused. "They're necessary. For... uh... for me."

The cops and Bill watched him expectantly. Bill had that awful gleam in his eyes that he got when he saw an opportunity to make up a story.

"Because I'm old," Stan said. "It's to keep me from wandering into traffic."

Bill laughed, "Yep, that's true!" He jabbed Stan's shoulder with a finger (harder than necessary, he thought). "This guy's cataracts are so bad, sometimes he asks us if he's dying because all he a see is a white light in a dark tunnel! And the way his mind's going, woof—"

Stan growled, "All right you don't have to lay it on so thick—"

"—he's so addled it's like he's completely forgotten the last century of technology, he'll just walk right off the curb and expect the horse-drawn carriages to stop for him—"

"Hahaaa, but we won't bore you with my medical history!" Stan jerked on the handcuffs. "C'mon, Goldie, you're gonna make me late to my heart doctor appointment. You don't want my life on your hands, do you?"

Bill murmured, "Don't threaten me with a good time."

"Hold on," Blubs said. "You can't see? Didn't we just see you get out of the driver's seat of your car?"

Stan and Bill exchanged a look. Stan said, "Goldie's giving me directions."

"Oh! That makes sense," Durland said.

"All right," Blubs said, "We'll let you get to your doctor's appointment. You folks have a nice day."

As the cops left, Bill called after them, "You too! Hey, I'll see you guys at Rainbow Club!"

"See you there!" Durland turned to Blubs. "Y'know, I think Goldie's a step up from that seeing-eye bear."

Bill and Stan eyed each other. "All right, you're not bad at improv," Bill said. "I can respect a decent actor."

"You too," Stan said grudgingly. Bill looked at Stan like he expected a little more than that; but Stan kept his mouth shut. Bill didn't need the encouragement.

####

Dr. Illing's "FREE CANDY" sign leaned hopefully near a gap in the fence around an overgrown lot by the barrel factory. The gap was large enough that a reasonably limber human could duck through with little difficulty; however, Stan was old and Bill was still controlling his alien body like a rookie puppeteer learning the marionette, so they circled halfway around the lot until they found a gate in the fence to push open. They trod across scraggly grass, a row of dying mushrooms, and years-old litter to reach an unmarked white van hooked up to a camper trailer.

The back hatch of the trailer was flipped up to serve as a makeshift metal awning, and inside, a tall, spindly man was snoring atop a military cot in his underwear, using a white lab coat like a blanket. Stan cleared his throat loudly, and when that didn't disrupt the snoring, knocked on the side of the trailer. "Hey! Doc!"

Dr. Illing jolted upright with a yelp, seized an enormous wireless power drill off the floor to point at them like a gun, lowered it slightly as he registered he wasn't under attack, then realized he was nearly naked and yelped again. He tumbled off the cot, flailed his way to his feet, and turned his back to them as he jerked on his coat and buttoned it. "Just—just a second!" He got on one sock, couldn't find the other, and gave up, pulling on his sneakers with one bare foot. "Sorry, so sorry, I must've—just—nodded off for a second, there—"

"Maybe we should have made an appointment," Bill said wryly. "He looks busy." Stan snorted.

Dr. Illing turned around, smoothing out his rumpled lab coat. He was a jumpy, twitchy man with heavy circles under his eyes, short badly-cut hair, and a 5 o'clock shadow that had evolved into a 25 o'clock shadow. His gaze darted nervously between their faces. "Sorry. Hi, hello, can I help you? Are you maybe here for a tooth extraction, or—or perhaps wisdom teeth removal...?" His gaze caught on Stan's face, and he started. "Stan Pines! I haven't seen you since I pulled your last tooth ten years ago! What are you doing here?" His brows creased in worry. "You're—you're not mad about that, are you—?"

"What? No! The dentures are—fine. They're actually lower maintenance than teeth. Sort of. In a way," Stan said. "No, I'm here to refer a new customer." He pointed at Bill.

Bill made a gesture like he was tipping an invisible hat. "Hi there!"

"A customer?" Dr. Illing said blankly. "Oh—yes! Of course, hold on—" He pulled a hospital curtain over the front half of the trailer to hide a dinette covered in laundry and old magazines, lifted one end of the military cot and slid a step stool under the legs to keep it raised, and tugged the arm of a dental light down from the ceiling to aim it at the chair.

Stan said, "So, do I get some kind of referral bonus, or..."

"Oh—sure, sure. Have a, uhh..." Dr. Illing opened a heavy yellow and black tool bag, pulled out a battered cookie tin, withdrew a gold coin, and offered it to Stan. "One of these or something, here."

"Huh." Stan inspected it. No idea what currency it was, but a gold coin was arguably cooler than actual cash.

The dentist batted aside the hospital curtain to grab a tiny stool from the dinette, shook a damp towel off the seat, placed the stool beside the cot, and sat. "Okay!" He clapped his hands. "New customer! What can I do you for?"

Bill had been gazing in naked longing at the bag hiding the gold coins; but at the question, he looked up with a grin. "I'm here for fillings!"

"Ah! Wonderful. No charge for fillings, of course." He started rummaging through his tool bag for supplies. "Do you know which teeth need them?"

"Whichever you think would look best with some," Bill said. "Driller's choice!"

Dr. Illing stopped rummaging to give Bill a perplexed look. "I—sorry, come again?"

"I said I'm leaving it in your hands." Bill climbed into the trailer and put his free hand on Dr. Illing' s shoulder. "I'll be straight with you, Frankie: all that matters is that my teeth do not currently have any gold in them, and I want that to change by the time I leave. I'm not too picky about the details beyond that."

The dentist stared at Bill, then glanced at Stan for confirmation. Stan shrugged and nodded. "Oh-kay!" Dr. Illing wasn't quite smiling, but there was a strange, eager gleam in his eye. "Super! This'll be fun!" He gestured for Bill to sit on the cot. "Let's see what I have to work with."

He ushered Stan in, and pulled the trailer's hatch shut.

####

"Your teeth are amazing," Dr. Illing said, voice hushed with awe. "Perfectly white. Who's your usual dental hygienist? Did you just get these cleaned?"

"Nope," Bill said, forgetting for the third time that humans keep their teeth and their voice in the same hole and he shouldn't talk with the dentist's fingers in his mouth. Dr. Illing quickly pulled his hand back. "Just basic toothpaste, floss, and dish soap."

Dr. Illing shook his head in disbelief. "Well, they look amazing. And no wear at all, remarkable... Have you ever considered having any of these pulled? Do you mind if I take a few pictures?"

Stan shuddered as the dentist pulled out an old film camera and started snapping photos. "Yeesh. I forgot how creepy you are. Kinda glad I ran out of teeth."

Dr. Illing straightened up, snapped off the dental light, and sighed. "Well, I'm sorry to say that all your teeth are pristine. Not a hint of cavities—not even plaque. It'd be a shame to drill such pretty specimens. You're sure you don't want one pulled...?"

Stan grimaced, but Bill pursed his lips thoughtfully, as if he were considering a perfectly normal question. "As fun as that sounds, I said I want to leave with gold today, and the whole extraction-and-implantation process for gold teeth takes ages. Unless you happen to have a little secret magic trick to speed up the process?" Bill laughed, fixing Dr. Illing with a piercing stare.

Dr. Illing looked nervous. "Er—no."

"Then just the fillings. But who knows, maybe I'll feel naughty and be back in a couple of weeks." Bill laughed again. "Just pick a couple of your least favorite teeth to drill into!"

"Okay, suit yourself." Dr. Illing shrugged and fished around in an overstuffed cardboard box under the dinette table. "Let's gas you up and get drilling."

"You can skip the sedative," Bill said. "I don't mind a little pain. I prefer it, actually! It adds some zest to the experience..." He trailed off as he caught sight of the label on the gas canister Dr. Illing had pulled out. He pointed at a word, "I thought that additive was illegal."

Dr. Illing flinched guiltily. "Not in the state where I got it."

"Oh, buddy. I didn't realize I'd climbed into the party van!" Bill settled back on the cot, laced his hands behind his head, and got comfortable. "You know this stuff has something like sixty percent odds of causing hallucinations? Most people get either haloes around lights, or spiders. Go ahead, gas me—I wanna find out which I am."

####

In five minutes, Bill was overjoyed to report that the dental light had a spider halo. He did not explain what this meant.

Since Stan had typically been under anesthesia himself whenever Dr. Illing operated on him, this was the first time he'd had an opportunity to watch the dentist at work. Stan discovered that when Dr. Illing drilled into a tooth, he didn't suck the resultant dust up with one of those little dental vacuums with a plastic tube Stan was more familiar with. Instead, when a bit of dust had accumulated, he reached in with what looked like a cotton swab, wiped up the tooth dust, and scraped it off into a Petri dish; and only then did he use the vacuum to suck out any saliva and continue. Was he saving the leftover tooth dust? He was an even bigger creep than Stan had thought.

By all appearances, Bill didn't handle the gas well. It wasn't that it made him sick, or that he wasn't having the time of his life. It just made him completely forget how to operate a human body. When Dr. Illing told him to hold his mouth open, he also held his eyes open until they watered; and whenever he lost the battle to keep them open, he automatically shut his mouth too, often to his own peril as Dr. Illing shouted about the drill jostling. Within ten minutes, Dr. Illing had given up on convincing Bill to keep his mouth open and instead started giving him blink breaks when he could shut his mouth.

It helped some, but they couldn't do anything about the fact that Bill had fully forgotten he couldn't talk while getting dental work done, and kept up a regular chatter—during which he cheerfully mentioned he'd died recently, attempted to explain that the entire universe was actually an elaborate hologram projecting from the "true" third dimension, and asked Dr. Illing all about the cruise to Panama he'd recently stowed away on (which the dentist hadn't mentioned). During one blink break, as Bill closed each eye separately, Dr. Illing leaned toward Stan and muttered, "So... what's her story?"

Stan tilted his head toward the Petri dish. "What's with the tooth shavings?"

Dr. Illing considered that, slowly nodded, and got back to work.

####

After several hours, Dr. Illing wiped his brow and sighed in relief. "All right, that should do it. You've got fillings on five teeth now." Under his breath, he muttered, "It would have been two, if you hadn't kept talking while I was drilling."

Stan shook his head in amazement. "Doesn't that hurt?" 

"Yes," Bill said. "I've never felt pain like that before. What a rush."

"If you do come back for a tooth extraction, I'm getting a dental gag to keep your jaws open." Dr. Illing finished pulling out the array of clamps and barriers around the filling sites and wearily dropped down onto his stool. "There. The rest of the sedative should wear off gradually over the next few hours. Usually I tell patients to wait three or four hours before eating to let the swelling go down, but..." He waved wearily. "You can do whatever you want."

"Admit it, you like having an enthusiastic patient!" Bill heaved himself off the military cot, forgot he couldn't float, and immediately collapsed to the floor.

"Whoa there—" Stan helped Bill back to his feet. The handcuffs prevented him from getting an arm around Bill's back, so instead he helped keep him upright by firmly squeezing his upper arm. "I don't know about you, but I'm eating as soon as we get home. You made me miss lunch—and for some reason, I feel like I barely had any breakfast." Bill inexplicably found this declaration hilarious. Probably the sedative, Stan reasoned.

Bill waved at the dentist as Stan tugged him out the trailer's hatch, chattering the whole way: "Thanks for the gold, the sock you were looking for is a bookmark in the March issue of Floss Girls, Atlantis is rising as we speak, you have less than seven years to prepare for the plague, tell the little lady I said hi! Byyye!"

Stan squeezed Bill's arm tighter and muttered, "Would you cut that out?

Bill stumbled across the uneven lot. "I made up the part about Atlantis."

"Okay just shut up and stop saying weird things."

Bill attempted to walk sideways all the way back to the car.

####

Stan gripped the steering wheel so tightly, his arms were trembling.

Bill was sprawled all over the front bench, the dashboard, the seatback, and Stan's shoulders.

On the radio, a hit 80's R&B song with a sexy saxophone was playing, "Babe, the sad things you've been through... I swear I'll make it up to you... If it takes a thousand years..."

Bill was singing at the top of his lungs directly in Stan's ear, "I'LL WIPE AWAY ALL YOUR TEARS, WOO!—sax solo!—BA DA-DA DA, BA DA-DAAA—"

Stan turned off his right hearing aid.

Every once in a while Bill attempted to grab the steering wheel and turn it in time to the song, like a kid playing in a toy car; Stan had given up telling him to stop and instead started just smacking his hand away every time he tried. After another smack, Bill draped his arm awkwardly over Stan again, and announced, "I can't feel my tongue at all! I bet I can chew it off!"

"Don't do that."

"The last time my mouth was this numb, my girlfriend had just gotten done with me, haha." Bill stuck his finger in his mouth to experimentally poke at his tongue. "I couldn' thee for the nex' hour from all the thporeth—"

"I swear if you don't shut up—"

Bill flopped his arm across Stan again. "I just realized I haven't gotten any action since I died. Wow. What's normal for humans, couple times a week until you start the slow lingering decline toward death?" He looked straight at Stan. Stan could feel that side of his face start to sweat. "This isn't a weird time to bring that up, is it?"

"Bill, if you say one more weird thing, you're riding home on the roof of the car."

Bill was quiet for three seconds. And then he started poking Stan's bicep. "Your arm's a lot meatier than Sixer's! What's your favorite flavor of cancer?"

####

Mabel asked, "Why are you on top of the car?"

Bill—eyes wide, hair disheveled, one arm hanging through the driver's door, sprawled out clinging to the roof like his life depended on it—replied, "I don't know, it's all a blur."

Stan opened the car door and jerked on the handcuffs. "All right, get off my car."

Bill shakily climbed off, lay in the dirt, and tried to catch his breath. "That was fun. We should do that more often."

"Not on your life."

Eyeing the handcuffs, Dipper said, "What were you doing, anyway?"

"Nothing!" Stan snapped. "Why? Who's asking? I wasn't sneaking the demon out to get a shady back-alley dental procedure!"

Mabel and Dipper stared up at him.

Stan pointed at them. "What are you doing?"

"Going camping," Dipper said, turning so Stan could see his stuffed backpack.

"Something's been stealing Pacifica's alpacas at night, so we're going on a stake-out," Mabel said. "They took Giorgio. It's personal now."

"We think aliens might be abducting them," Dipper said.

From the ground, Bill said, "It's not aliens."

"Ah, taking the law into your own hands. It builds character," Stan said approvingly. "You need firearms?"

They exchanged a glance. "We're good," Mabel said. "Grunkle Ford loaned us his freeze ray. It seems less lethal."

As the kids headed toward the road, Bill finally heaved himself up. "Well, that was fun!"

"No it wasn't," Stan said.

"Your opinion doesn't matter. Anyway—" He shook his cuffed wrist. "We're home, get me out of this thing. It makes you look like my ugly accessory and I want my hoodie."

"I elevate your whole look!" Stan protested. "And I don't have the key, it's with Soos."

Mabel turned back to shout at them, "Soos is out! He's got a dinner date with Melody!"

Stan grimaced. "Uh-oh."

Bill shrugged and said, with a confidence Stan didn't share, "He left the key behind."

####

"Oh man, sorry dudes," Soos said over the phone. "I totally forgot I still had it. Yeah, it's on my key ring. Is that, like, gonna be a problem, or...?"

"It's fine," Bill said, sitting atop Soos's office desk and leaning all the way across it to reach the phone. "Just pass it through the phone, we'll catch it."

"What?"

"Ignore him." Stan shoved Bill's face away. Bill gave him a dirty look as he straightened out his eyepatch, which he'd finally gotten to put on once they were home. Stan spun the desk chair away from Bill so he couldn't try to join the conversation again. "He's hopped up on psychedelic laughing gas. When are you gonna be back?"

"Uh..." Soos thought for several seconds. "Nooot for a while. Abuelita and I were talking about maybe kind of staying the night?"

"Well—pfff—can't you duck out and bring the key?"

"Uhhh. I would but, this is the first time Abuelita and I are having dinner with Melody's parents, and I'm really worried about impressing them parents, and the casserole's about to come out, and I think they might judge me if I leave, it would probably ruin dinner..."

"Okay, fine. What if we drive over to get the key?"

Far louder than necessary, Bill asked, "Stanley can I drive this time—!"

"Absolutely not!"

"Oh sure, that'd be fine," Soos said. "I'll give you directions, Melody's parents' place is in Portland. You got a pen?"

Stan frowned. "Portland."

"Yep."

"As in, outside the magic bubble trapping Bill in town."

Soos paused. "Oh, right."

Well, Stan wasn't about to make Soos look bad in front of his future in-laws. He'd never had in-laws, but he'd seen enough sitcoms to know how messy that could get. "Never mind. We'll figure something out. You kids enjoy dinner." Stan hung up the phone, sighed, and turned to face Bill. (Bill had plucked a figurine of a bulky robot in a cute girly pose off of Soos's desk, and was staring at it in wonder, like he'd never seen overpriced anime convention merch before.) "You got any other bright ideas?"

"We could still call Darryl and Edwin..."

"No way," Stan snapped. "I am not calling the cops for help! Never gonna happen. I'd rather wait for Soos to get back in the morning if I have to!"

"Oh would you." Bill laughed scornfully. "And what do you plan to do until then?"

####

They got TV dinners and grumpily watched Cash Wheel together.

####

(This entire chapter was just an extended excuse to annoy Stan and Bill as much as possible. But mostly Stan. Thanks for reading, and if you enjoyed I'd appreciate a comment or reblog!!)

[smilecouturedental]

Find the Best Dentist in Mumbai: Expert Care for Your Perfect Smile

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[agrawaldentalsatellite]

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[lisapauldiary]

Dental Check-up in Barnet: A Comprehensive Guide to Finding the Best Dentist in Barnet

When it comes to maintaining your oral health, finding a reliable dentist is paramount. If you're in Barnet, you're in luck, as there are numerous dental professionals ready to provide you with top-notch care. In this blog post, we'll explore the importance of regular dental check-ups and guide you on how to find the best dentist in Barnet.

The Importance of Dental Check-ups

Regular dental check-ups are essential for maintaining good oral hygiene and preventing dental issues. Here are some compelling reasons why you should prioritize your dental health:

Early Detection of Problems Routine check-ups allow your dentist to identify dental issues in their early stages. Whether it's a small cavity or the initial signs of gum disease, catching problems early can prevent them from becoming more severe and costly to treat.

Preventing Tooth Decay Regular cleanings by a dentist can remove plaque and tartar buildup, reducing the risk of tooth decay and cavities. Your dentist will also offer guidance on proper brushing and flossing techniques to help you maintain a healthy smile.

Gum Disease Prevention Gum disease, if left untreated, can lead to tooth loss and other health problems. Your dentist will check for signs of gum disease during your check-up and provide advice on how to prevent it.

Oral Cancer Screening Oral cancer is a serious condition that can be life-threatening if not detected early. Dentists are trained to recognize the signs of oral cancer, and regular check-ups include screenings to ensure early detection and prompt treatment.

Maintaining Overall Health Believe it or not, your oral health is closely connected to your overall health. Poor oral hygiene has been linked to various health issues, including heart disease and diabetes. Regular dental check-ups can help you maintain not only a beautiful smile but also your overall well-being.

Finding the Best Dentist in Barnet

Now that you understand the importance of regular dental check-ups, let's explore how to find the best dentist in Barnet who can provide you with exceptional care.

Ask for Recommendations Start your search by asking friends, family, and colleagues for recommendations. Personal referrals can be invaluable in finding a dentist you can trust. Ask about their experiences and whether they were satisfied with the services they received from their Barnet dentist.

Online Reviews and Ratings In today's digital age, it's easy to find information online. Search for "Dentist in Barnet" on search engines or review platforms like Google and Yelp. Read through patient reviews and ratings to get an idea of the quality of care provided by different dental practices in Barnet.

Check Qualifications and Specializations Ensure that the dentist you choose is properly qualified and licensed. Look for certifications and memberships in professional dental associations. Some dentists may also specialize in specific areas such as cosmetic dentistry, orthodontics, or pediatric dentistry, so consider your specific needs when making your choice.

Location and Accessibility Consider the location and accessibility of the dental practice. Choose a dentist in Barnet who is conveniently located for you, whether it's close to your home or workplace. Accessibility is especially important if you have mobility issues or rely on public transportation.

Technology and Equipment Modern dental practices are equipped with the latest technology and equipment, which can enhance your dental experience and the quality of care you receive. Inquire about the dental technology used in the clinic and how it can benefit your treatment.

Insurance and Payment Options If you have dental insurance, check whether the dentist in Barnet you're considering accepts your insurance plan. Additionally, inquire about their payment options and whether they offer financing plans if you require extensive dental work.

Schedule a Consultation Once you've narrowed down your choices, schedule a consultation with your selected dentists. This will give you the opportunity to meet them in person, ask questions, and assess their communication skills and bedside manner. A good dentist should be approachable and willing to address your concerns.

Discuss Treatment Plans During your consultation, discuss your oral health goals and any specific concerns you have. A reputable dentist will create a personalized treatment plan tailored to your needs and preferences. They should also provide transparent information about the estimated costs and duration of treatments.

Emergency Services Find out if the dental practice offers emergency dental services. Dental emergencies can happen at any time, and it's reassuring to know that your dentist in Barnet is available to provide urgent care when needed.

Dentist in Barnet: Your Partner in Oral Health

Your dentist in Barnet is more than just a healthcare provider; they are your partner in maintaining optimal oral health. Regular check-ups and preventive care can help you enjoy a lifetime of healthy smiles. Don't delay in finding the right dentist for you, as early intervention and consistent care are key to preventing dental problems.

Remember, the best dentist in Barnet is one who understands your unique needs and concerns, uses the latest technology, and provides a comfortable and welcoming environment. By following the steps outlined in this guide, you can make an informed decision and ensure that your oral health is in capable hands.

In conclusion, prioritizing your dental health through regular check-ups is a wise choice. The key to a beautiful and healthy smile starts with finding the best dentist in Barnet who will partner with you in achieving and maintaining your oral health goals. Don't wait—take the first step towards a lifetime of confident smiles by scheduling your next dental check-up today. Your smile will thank you, and so will your overall well-being.

[ladylilithprime]

A Bit Of A Fixer-Upper

Series: Fluffy Faerie Tales

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing: past Charlie Bradbury/Gilda, pre-Sastimmy/Jamstiel (Jimmy Novak/Sam Winchester/Castiel)

Rating: General

Tags/Warnings: Half-Fae Sam Winchester, Jimmy and Castiel Are Twins, Selkie Jack Kline, Sam Winchester Is Jack Kline's Adopted Father, Political Ramifications Of Magical Revelation, Autistic Cas and Jimmy, Supportive Charlie Bradbury, Sam Winchester Is The Best Boss Ever

Summary: Charlie Bradbury was a fixer, the kind of person who stuck it out in bad situations with needy people and tried to make things better. It wasn't much surprise that she would end up working for a half-faerie cafe owner who was exactly the same.

For: @fluffyfebruary challenge!

Prompt: Day 15: Craft

Read on AO3

CHARLIE BRADBURY WAS a fixer. It was in her nature to see a problem, come up with a solution or six, and then try and fix things. It was why she had lied about her age and education in order to get a job to help pay for her mother's cancer treatments when she was fourteen. It was why she had stuck it out in IT for years despite being vastly overqualified due to her abilities as a hacker. It was why she had stuck it out with her ex-girlfriend until it became abundantly obvious that, despite how much fun they had, they had wanted different things, and also why their breakup had been amicable enough to remain on friendly terms. It was how and why, when her hacking had turned up trails of corruption and embezzlement by her boss, she had contacted her ex who had put Charlie in touch with her cousin and she had gotten Dick Roman fae-cursed and sent to jail.

And it was why, when she had realized that the faerie who went by Sam and was willing to trade his cursing services for three days of help in the cafe he owned was trying to run a cafe by himself while also taking care of a small child? She had quit her IT job that she honestly hated more than she let on and moved across the country to become the first full time human employee at Lighthouse CommodiTeas. The cafe was not especially different from working IT, really, aside from her efforts to make a truly excellent cup of coffee earning much more appreciation and the lack of fear from assholish or abusive customers who threatened to have her fired if they didn't get their way. Sam had one rule for his cafe's customers, posted in plain sight for all to see and heed: be polite or else . Any dispute between Charlie and a rude, entitled customer had Sam fully on her side with no uncertainty thanks to his ability to tell when someone was lying, and the starting salary was $25 an hour on top of full coverage health and dental insurance which was unheard of in food service jobs run by humans!

When she had asked Sam why, he had shrugged. "I'm over fourteen hundred years old and have had plenty of time to amass a small personal fortune which I don't actually need much of to live simply and comfortably here in the mortal world. I have the cafe mostly to provide an employment history and proof of domicile for my son's school and to give me something to do day to day that keeps me in touch with the mortal world and the times. Since I'm independently wealthy, don't bother drawing more than a nominal salary from the cafe earnings for myself, which leaves plenty to pay any employees I might acquire a perfectly livable wage for the area after purchasing ingredients and disposable stock like the custom cups and paper napkins. Paying you a livable wage reduces your stress from worrying how to afford things like rent, utilities, and food, which means you're more relaxed and able to work the hours you need while still getting the breaks you need to remain healthy and happy working here. Frankly, I thought the logic was obvious. It's bizarre that so many human employers don't see it that way."

It was hard to argue with that, as a couple customers who tried to berate Charlie for "laziness" when she was on break found out. He wasn't wrong, either, which tended to frustrate the real douchebags who were unfortunately still smart enough to escape before magic got involved. But Charlie had since learned that many of the small businesses on Seven Mile Island, especially in the borough of Avalon, followed that same salary practice. When she had mentioned that to Sam, he had smiled fondly and only said, "Imagine that."

Rowena MacLeod, the proprietor of The Kitchen Witch who, it turned out, was also an actual witch, was more forthcoming.

"Samuel is a more influential person on this community than he is quite willing to admit, and there is a remarkably large number of magicals here," she had told Charlie, sipping at the cup of tea Charlie had brought her from the cafe as a bribe for a chat. "Regardless of what he may believe his motives were for choosing to move here with his son and open the cafe, he is of the Fair Folk. Magic calls to magic, and for all his skill in battle magics his fundamental nature is remarkably... kind. The man wants to help people, but he doesn't think most humans will trust a faerie to help them outright. And, I'm sad to say, he is frequently correct."

It made sense, when Charlie thought about it. Sam was a fixer, like her, and with far more power than she had, but limited in how he could fix things by his own nature and the mistrust of the wider human populace still getting used to the idea that magicals existed alongside them. Charlie hadn't even been born when the Magical Revelation occurred, but learning about it in school had been a frustrating mix of religious fear mongering and nationalist propaganda. She had learned a lot more actual facts about it all from her various coworkers in IT, particularly Ian who had claimed to have hacked the Pentagon and found reports about a treaty made with the United Nations and the Grand Coven headed by...

Rowena had smiled at Charlie's very wide eyes, patted her on the hand, and gotten up to return to the open kitchen behind the bar. Reeling from her own realization, and just a little turned on, Charlie had decided then and there that she was going to do everything in her own limited human power to help her new boss and brother she never had fix as much of the world as came their way to be fixed.

Case in point: Cas and Jimmy Novak.

It wasn't that there was anything wrong with them. Frankly, they were more well-adjusted than some of Charlie's old coworkers had been. The codependency had been a little concerning at first, but it was understandable considering their history and the way they had both developed their coping strategies. It had actually taken the whole first week that the twins had been working at the cafe before Charlie had realized that Jimmy was also autistic, just better at masking than Cas was. That was also when she had realized that the pair really wanted to stay on and didn't know how to bring it up.

So she did it herself. She started by honestly telling them within Sam's hearing how much more smoothly things had been going with the both of them on staff with her and the boss, and how well they fit into the controlled chaos of the cafe. She complimented the cookies Cas had made - seriously, they were amazing - and theorized that if the cafe started selling them they'd bring in even more business, especially from people who'd been frustrated by the lack of food available before because Charlie couldn't bake to save her life and it wasn't safe for Sam to make the food and risk the magical backlash of a human eating faerie-made food in a faerie's domain. And she had casually mentioned that her apartment building in Ocean City had finally cleared out the apartment two doors down from her since the previous tenant had been arrested three weeks ago.

Sam wasn't the least bit surprised when she requested one of her paid time off days coinciding with Cas's first Thursday off so she could take him grocery shopping. Cas was surprised, and just a little wary, but Charlie was patient and persistent, and eventually he relaxed around her. It took some more careful questions amid her asking about his and Jimmy's respective sensory issues as related to food to learn about his stimming and the ring Jimmy wore, and why Jimmy was the one to wear the ring Cas used to stim.

It gave her an idea, piggybacked off of the project she had helped Jack with the previous December. There was a lot more effort involved, keeping the beads smooth and the various strips of leather soft while keeping the runes she consulted with Rowena on and carved into the surface clear. She worked on it secretly for a week and eventually brought it with her, wrapped in a scrap of leftover newspaper, to present to Cas on Monday morning. The look on his face when he saw the swirling blue and white lapis and shimmering black and gold obsidian beads knotted up in black leather cord and woven with the thicker black leather rune-carved bands was gratifyingly awed.

"It's not a replacement for your primary anchor," she assured them both. "The runic spell just bolsters calm; it doesn't suppress anxiety. I just figured maybe it could help when you have your respective days off. Just give it a try today while you're both here then see if it'll help tomorrow."

"And what do you want in exchange?" Cas whispered, running his fingers testingly over the beads.

"I," Charlie reminded him with a beaming smile, "am not a faerie."

[orwellsunderpants]

Today I was thinking about the election season that is going to start probably any minute now, and decided to put together a platform wishlist. Below is what I want to see candidates fighting for in 2024. Feel free to add your own ideas in reblogs or replies.

universal healthcare, including dental and vision care

minimum wage pegged to the median rent for the county, such that the monthly wage of a full-time worker is no less than twice the median rent

monthly disability payments are twice the county's median rent, and the asset cap and marriage penalties are removed entirely

no restrictions on abortion or other reproductive care

universal basic income, with no means testing (yes, on top of the other stuff, and yes, for absolutely everybody, that's what "universal" means)

tax rate of 50% on all income (including capital gains, interest, and other unearned income) above $5m

tax rate of 90% on all income (as above) above $10m

full rights, dignity, and privacy for LGBTQ+ people

full access to gender-affirming medical care for trans folx

major updates to all infrastructure, including crumbling schools

turn internet services into a regulated utility

restrictions on how many rental/AirBnB-type properties one individual or corporation can hold

get rid of standardized testing in schools and pay teachers appropriately

30-hour or four-day work week

expanded access to public transportation, and especially to accessible transportation

I want to see everyone in my country able not only to get by, but to thrive.

[rootsdentalcare]

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[theinconvenientlifestyle]

Private health firms have donated more than £800,000 to the Conservative Party over the past ten years, openDemocracy can reveal.

This includes companies run by wealthy tycoons who have wined and dined former prime ministers Boris Johnson and Theresa May and other senior ministers.

The finding comes as the government hands out more NHS contracts to the private sector in a bid to tackle the backlog in the health service.

The British Medical Association has warned that relying on the private sector threatens the "sustainability of the NHS”, which has suffered from “a decade of underinvestment”.

Health profits

The Conservative Friends of the NHS is a group of Tory-voting doctors and health professionals who claim to support the NHS. The group’s president is health minister Maria Caufield and it has hosted stalls at the Conservative Party’s annual conference.

But the organisation’s chairman and founder, Dr Ashraf Chohan, has not worked for the NHS for 23 years, according to his LinkedIn profile, and himself has a private GP and private health insurance.

Chohan is a private health tycoon who set up a portfolio of medical and nursing businesses in London. One of his firms, West End Medical Practice Limited, has donated more than £198,000 to the Tories since 2019 – making it one of the sector’s biggest political donors.

As chair of the Conservative Friends of the NHS, Chohan has met with senior politicians, including Boris Johnson, Liz Truss and Nadhim Zahawi. Before Christmas, in the midst of the ongoing NHS crisis, he also attended a “meaningful” meeting at Number 10.

Despite the group’s claim to support the NHS, it has repeatedly championed a two-tier health system on Twitter, saying the private sector “should be applauded for reducing demand for the NHS”. In other tweets it has advocated health insurance and argued that “all high taxpayers must have [private health] insurance by 2025”.

Experts say reliance on private health firms is creating a system in which poorer people who cannot afford to go private are “left to put up or shut up”.

NHS outsourcing to the private sector has also been linked to higher mortality rates. And hospitals that use private cleaning companies have been linked with higher rates of the MRSA superbug.

During the pandemic, Chohan – who previously donated to Labour before switching – came under scrutiny over two private firms he ran with his son that sold Covid tests. Reports said customers were charged between £80-£200 for the PCR tests, but many complained about lost samples and refused refunds.

Another Conservative Party donor is Genix Healthcare Ltd, which is part of a group of private dental clinics that makes the “majority” of its £6.6m income from NHS contracts.

The company was set up in response to the “severe shortage of NHS dentists” and says it aims to become the “dental corporate of choice for the NHS”.

Genix Healthcare has bankrolled the Tories with donations worth more than £158,000 since 2015, including cash and sponsorships.

Its owner, Mustafa Mohammed, who has posed for photos with Johnson and May and boasted about owning a Rolls-Royce and a Mercedes S-Class, has also given almost £225,000 of his own money to the party.

This includes a £20,000 donation to Jeremy Hunt in 2019, the year after he resigned as health secretary.

As one of the party’s top donors, Mohammed has been part of an elite Tory dining club called the Leader’s Group, which enjoys regular access to the prime minister and senior government figures.

Care homes and GPs

The majority of Tory donations from the private health sector have come since the pandemic began in 2020.

One such donor, Doctor Care Anywhere Group PLC, has given the party more than £37,000 in the past two years – and reportedly spent £1,000 on a ticket for government minister Paul Scully to watch a cricket match at Lord’s.....

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[mapledental]

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