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omegaremix · 3 months

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Pandemic Blues (Summer).

At the tail end of Spring, I posted Merzbow’s Pulse Demon here on my sister site. I noticed that someone from the New York City / Long Island area liked it and I decided to see who she was.

Hesitation marks. Satanist. Anorexia. Borderline Personality Disorder. Medications. Has an OnlyFans account. Topless Shibari pics- of herself. Too-much-information posts about cream-pies and wanting to fuck some random guy she met who ended up abandoning her to get high with his friends. Wow. For most people, there’s so many red flags waved to say “no” the first time and move on. Amazingly, the t.m.i. - not the self-abuse, Satanism, or BPD - had me say “no”, too, until I found her other page which showed a more leveled side to her. Posts relating to her anxiety and depression issues. The color pink. Cute Japanese cartoon animals, Animal Crossing, and owns animals herself. Her paleness laying on the backyard grass with her long dark flowing hair down her neck and skinny wrists across her purple tee holding her pet rabbit. I re-considered because I empathized and related with some of what she suffered through. It’s May, and if I don’t take it now then I may not have it later. So hand me the dice and let’s fucking roll.

Ruth* posted about doing your 100% in a relationship and I checked it off. A few moments later, she caught me posting something of mine I took from the neighborhood veteran’s park. She messaged me to ask if that’s where I got it from. We finally reached out to each other. Lo and behold…she’s from the very same town I am! In fact, we’ve crossed paths before in that same park on one warm Wednesday before sundown, but we didn’t realize it was each other until after the fact. She’s into darkwave, some noise, the post-punk / d.i.y. aesthetic, noise rock, and introduced me to The Mountain Goats. Overtime she’s disclosed her use of LSD, acid, and getting blackout drunk as coping mechanisms of years-long bullying and social isolation. One story she told me was when she approached Jamie Stewart (Xiu Xiu) after his Brooklyn Bazaar performance and ended up telling him her life story. Fortunately, no heroin. She’s stayed away from it as half of her friends she’s ever known have perished from it. But most importantly as mental health sufferers we also matched on our worlds of hurt, our worries of opening up and having doors shut in our faces, text anxiety, and remembering that last time we felt excited about something.

At times I was on edge because I’d assume the worst if I didn’t get her texts that night or seen her posting and ignoring me. Not so. We kept in close contact. Intense texting during off-days and breaks, in parking lots and even me laying in the emergency room two days before we met. She’d finally disclosed her Satanist practices which her ma’ hated (no animals sacrificed) and her nudes which she feared would lose my approval. No judgment. She didn’t send me any, just a bathroom selfie of her 5’7” Polish-Jewish self with black curly hair, pouty lips, and large-rimmed glasses. The concepts of re-assurance and honesty made me chance it and open up to her that I’d never did with anyone else that quickly…despite her somewhat shy shortcomings. I was feeling euphoric once again. I now had someone I’d fight for. She was unique and could give me most of what I was looking for in a female.

I saw her post occasional suicidal thoughts and had to intervene on sight, taking no chances. But Ruth assured me everything was OK and were just that - thoughts. On a happier note, she lamented on how she missed riding her bicycle because of how nice her butt looks. She got points for that one. The moment she felt sad about not being at the beach, I went for it and asked to take her. “Sure!” she said. Boxcars! To hear her say that made me feel so fucking good. It meant everything to me. With minimal worry, we were on our way in meeting each other soon.

I absorbed the June moment sitting in my backyard against the fence under the trees, the stars, the moon, and the dark blue night skies. Personal tranquility, promise, and hope segued into something good while the nation was burning from all the civil unrest and pandemic restlessness. Violence, protests, and scorching fires were born from George Floyd’s murder by the police. People none more fed up than ever in lockdown lost their jobs and their livelihoods by witnessing the collapse of their favorite pastimes, venues, and restaurants. All the while an enablist president with a lust for dictatorship, hate, and murdering democracy dead was steering this country towards a fascist state to the point of no return.

* * * * * * * * * *

Wednesday’s here. I wake up, I shower, and have a light breakfast. Fresh clothes are ready to be worn. Buzz, brush, and razor. Take the phone out of its case and polish it up. Wash the car and vacuum it because who knows what type of person she is. 3PM came and I got her text. Ruth and her ma’ were in the neighborhood tending to an injured animal. She gave me her address and told me to be there at 4PM. I’m on my way.

It’s a breezy but silvery day. The weather is in a drab mood, but not enough to tarnish my excitement. Ten minutes, three miles, and some narrow wooded roads east later, I arrive at her house - and it’s about to fall apart. The slightest flick of the match would burn it all down. There’s tin statues of mini-animals and mossy bird fountains all over the place to pony up the storybook charm. No sight of her 20 cats, her bunny, or bird. It’s been five minutes waiting for her to come out. Lord knows what she’s doing but it felt special that’s she putting the finishing touches on herself for me. The front door opens and here comes Ruth. I was very happy how she turned out. Green and white-striped tee, a denim overall mini-skirt and torn black hosiery with rainbow specks and black boots. This is the same girl who’s been posting lewds and Japanese schoolgirl uniform shots? You would never ever know it by looking at her. It’s Irma Langenstein with social media accounts and that 2010′s online edge but she’s still got that weirdness. We trade hellos and smiles, got in the car, and rode west on the service road to the south shore through the salt-and-peppered day.

I was so nervous with her that I couldn’t even form a complete sentence. I felt like I owed her an apology for stepping over some personal boundaries in getting privy about feelings and her hedonistic side. The soft-spoken nerd assured me that everything was OK. The more we spoke, the more things smoothed out and relaxed themselves. We slowly drove as she explained to me about her BPD and gradually went into her interests before we arrived at Gardiner Manor Park.

We cut through the wooden trails to reach the shoreline and walked on the sands, walking by the sea ribbons, discarded shells, and old aquatic artifacts. It was where she told me she attended the same university as I and had friends at the radio station. Who does she know? J-Ro. Everyone knows J-Ro. They’ve worked together at the organic supermarket. What did she get him for last year’s Secret Santa? Sacred Bones’ Killed By Deathrock. Wow, she knows what’s up. We backtracked through the woods where she opted for the long way out and worked out because I wanted my money’s worth. She saw me constantly being pinched by the mosquitoes, and kind enough of her to actually care and hose me down with her organic citrus repellent.

We had time after showing each other our SE’s to drive to Argyle Park still under the cool cloudy skies. We circled twice around the large duck pond dodging both the goose smears on the asphalt and people fishing off the elevated walkways, aiming to fill the air with nothing-talk to make up for the awkward silences between us. My mind’s racing, my breathing heavy, and my pace almost couldn’t keep up with this quick little walker. I’m exhausted, she’s exhausted, and so was whatever daylight Wednesday had left. It’s 7PM. Time to drive the mouse home.

One amusing point of our day was while driving back east on Main st. we heard screetching behind us. I look up and there’s a group of people on the sidewalk looking over to see what just happened. In my rear-view I saw an SUV that blew a light penetrated into a parked car. Ruth and I slowed down and looked at each other mortified to our chests. Had we been 5-10 seconds slower, we might’ve been casualties. We still drove north towards her house, up Railroad Ave. and past what used to be the old Vinyl Paradise which was now George’s Vintage Clothing & Records.

I’m with a woman whose Williamsburg-mind would fit more in the city than on the island. Ruth had many friends to rely on in case of shelter and recently celebrated with a close friend who found an apartment in Queens, while she just returned from a winter job in Denver and came home with no car, no job, and no money in the bank. I wasn’t fazed at all. Along the way she’s disclosed to me that she’s had ten straight years of relationships lasting from five months to two years with at most four-month gaps of being single in-between. She’s been undefeated in the break-up department because she gets sick of them. All of them. No reason needed.

We pull up in front of her house. We have our final smiles and say our goodbyes to each other. I see her walk in through the front door and I slowly drive away. I arrive home and came down sad that our day ended. It shouldn’t have. With my luck, a day like this should’ve never happened, but somehow it did. And now I’m wrapping my head around it. I take off my black shirt. The aura of her citrus repellent overlapping mine of basil, black pepper, and cedar on fresh woven cotton lingered on for what would forever burn in my mind of our day together. I had a great time with someone who was on my level and wasn’t like anyone else from the island. That was capped off when I just got a happy positive text from Ruth: she had a great time, and it was nice meeting me.

(Full story.)

Chasms: “Tears In The Morning Sun”

Zunz: “Four Women And Darkness”

Snarls: “What’s It Take”

Girl In Red: “Rushed Lovers”

DJ 3D: “How Many Ways” (Refreshers RMX)

Tops: “Seven Minutes”

Widowspeak: “Breadwinner”

Ripple: “Victorious”

Jade Imagine: “Big Old House”

Space Above: “Stolen Days”

Tempers: “Capital Pains”

Grimes & i_O: “Violence”

Weeknd, The: “Blinding Lights”

Charli XCX & Sky Ferreira: “Cross You Out”

RVG: “I Used To Love You”

Wye Oak: “Fortune”

Eddie Russ: “Zaius”

Progeny: “Wet Dreams”

Low Key Crush: “Shelter”

Cigarettes After Sex: “Young And Dumb”

Pink Gloves: “Wilderness”

Serfs, The: “Persona Non Grata”

Emma Ruth Rundle: “The Light Song”

Chvrches: “Forever”

Hit Parade, The: “Harvey”

Parrot Dream: “The Best”

Mr. Elevator: “Down”

Empathy Test: “Monsters”

In A Dramatic Gesture: “Basic Aerobic”

Masta Ace & Marco Polo ft. Smif N’ Wesson: “Breukelen Brooklyn”

Jade Imagine: “Remote Control”

Parlor Walls: “Lunchbox”

Look Blue Go Purple: “Grace”

Mountain Goats, The: various songs

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bookwyrminspiration · 1 year

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aw no that sucks!!! i hope it passes soon and that you don't get too bored waiting for it to be safer! i would give you my v simple most favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe but i have no clue where i put it, so i've got this cheesecake chocolate chip muffin recipe that was a hit with my family???

also VERY much thinking about rewatching arcane for like, the nth time, at some point, or maybe painting something since i finally have access to my acrylic paints! it has genuinely been so long and i've missed them but i only have a bunch of little square canvases so i'm trying to figure out what to do haha. maybe now is the time to figure out how to stretch fabric and prep it for painting.... or i could go and figure out where i put all my thread and start sewing, uhhhhh, something. ig We'll See!

Luckily we weren't stuck too long! Weather here changes its mind quickly, so it showed up all of the sudden and then left all of the sudden like 40 minutes later and we could safely descend--though my dad decided it would be fun to leave his truck keys at the top of the mountain -_-

And ooo thank you for the recipe! I have most of the ingredients, but not all, so I'll have to wait for the next grocery trip to get everything should I try them. I think my mom would enjoy those the most, so perhaps I'll make them for her :)

ALSO!! I started an arcane rewatch a while back but never finished it and I keep thinking. About starting again. Because i love Arcane so so much. If only we could coordinate our efforts and rewatch it together--surely there's something on the internet for that, what's the app? Netflix party or something?

I hope you have fun with your paints though!! I must admit I've never been a big fan of acrylic, too thick and opaque and fast drying for me. Watercolor bitch forever and ever here <3/ But! People who know how to work with acrylics are truly incredible, and I can't wait to see what you create! Whether on your own stretched canvasses or not! It would be cool to know, but watercolor doesn't really need that so it's never been a serious consideration in my mind

However! I do like sewing, I've got like all the sewing stuff in the house in my room. Including the machine, it's beside my desk. Quite the pile of things, but I'm never quite sure what to make.

Anyway! Nice to be not stuck on the top of a mountain (though it wasn't bad at all), and nice to hear from you, I hope you're well :)

#quil's queries #soryasongsaa #today I confronted a truth about me I'd been making into a bit and it's. a genuine struggle to dress appropriately for the weather #like I get by most of the time #but when it really comes down to it I don't know shit about fuck #how hot is 60 F? is that chilly or reasonable?#i wore a long sleeve. a BLACK long sleeve. in the middle of summer. in the desert. to go hiking #it worked out when the storm hit #but for the first half I legit just took off my shirt and walked about in my bra like why tf did I think that was smart #i don't even like long sleeves!#so yeah. i genuinely struggle to dress weather appropriately #also have been slowly coming to terms with the fact that I think. I am lonely. but we don't need to get into that now #I did think about it while standing shirtless in the sprinkles of rain on the edge of the top of the mountain though #long post

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