casual — geto suguru.
You nodded, trying to keep your expression neutral. "Yeah, it was nice. Just, you know, casual."
"Right, casual. I know, doll." Suguru echoed, his gaze lingering on you a moment longer before he looked away. "No strings attached."
"Exactly, yeah…." you said, forcing a smile. "We're both busy, and this doesn't have to mean anything more than... what it was."
"Yeah." he said, his voice a bit quieter. "Just a one-time thing. No need to complicate things."
GENRE: Alternate Universe - Canon Convergence;
WARNING/s: Angst, Unrequited Love, Romance, Casual Friends with Benefit, Falling In Love, Lack of Communication, Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Food, Disassociation, Smut, Depiction of Sexual Intercourse, Depiction of Depression, Depiction of Food Withdrawal, Depiction of Disassociation;
WORDS: 6k words.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: this took me awhile to write and i wish it didn't but i was busy trying to help my brother heal up from his own fever and then i also felt unwell after going out and visiting my cousins. crazy week so far, but i'm glad to be writing again!!! i'll be publishing pasilyo tomorrow!!! i hope you enjoy this and see you soon <3
══════════════════
YOU HATE THIS APARTMENT. You know you picked it out. You went through the painstaking process of finding the best you could afford in all of Tokyo, sifting through countless listings, visiting countless open houses, and scrutinizing every detail with a critical eye. You even reached out to Nanami, seeking his advice on how he had found his own place, hoping his insight would guide you to something perfect.
But now, standing in the middle of the empty apartment, it just feels overwhelming. The walls seem to close in around you, their pristine surfaces a harsh reminder of the solitude that awaits you. The space, while objectively beautiful and well-chosen, feels alien and unwelcoming. The soft, neutral colors and high-end finishes that once seemed so appealing now appear cold and impersonal, like a display in a showroom rather than a home.
Each corner, every room, is meticulously arranged, yet it all feels distant, disconnected. The furniture you carefully selected—elegant, stylish pieces that should have brought comfort—now feels like mere props in a stage set, lacking the warmth and familiarity of a true home. The shelves stand empty, the walls bare, and the lack of personal touches only amplifies the feeling of displacement.
You had envisioned this place as a haven, a refuge where you could build a new chapter of your life. Yet now, it feels like a stark reminder of everything you’ve lost, of the gaping void left by Suguru’s absence and the weight of the decisions that brought you here. The reality of living alone in such a polished, empty space contrasts sharply with the vibrant, chaotic life you once had, and the dissonance is almost too much to bear.
The once-anticipated comfort of the apartment now feels like a cage, trapping you in a space that reflects the isolation and emotional distance you’re struggling to overcome. You try to imagine filling the space with personal belongings, with memories that would make it truly yours, but the task feels daunting, almost insurmountable. Each step you take feels heavy, burdened by the weight of unfulfilled expectations and the deep, pervasive sadness that lingers in every corner of this new, unwelcoming environment.
Since Haibara died and Suguru defected, the world has felt irreparably altered. Their absence has left a void not just in your life but in the very fabric of the world you once knew. Their departures were seismic shifts, upheavals that have reshaped everything—your sense of security, your understanding of your place in the world, and the very essence of who you are. The bonds you once relied on have frayed, the connections you took for granted have been severed, and you are left grappling with a reality that seems both unfamiliar and unkind.
The change is not just in the external world but within yourself. The person you were before all these events feels like a distant memory, replaced by someone who struggles to find meaning and connection in the aftermath of loss and betrayal. How could you not change when everything around you has been transformed so drastically? The world has moved on, and you are left to navigate its new contours alone.
People are worried about you. The concern is palpable, especially from Gojo Satoru, who has always been like a brother to you, a constant in a world that has become increasingly unpredictable. His worry is perhaps the most poignant, reflecting the deep bond you share and the impact of your struggles on those who care about you. His concern is a reminder that while you feel isolated, there are still people who want to help, who see the pain you’re enduring, and who are willing to support you even as you grapple with the overwhelming weight of your new reality.
He’d been trying to reach you for weeks, his calls and messages a persistent thread in the silence of your days. Each notification from Gojo felt like a distant echo, a reminder of the world outside the narrow confines of your apartment. Yet, each time you saw his name on your screen, you hesitated, unable to muster the energy to respond. The weight of the past was a constant companion, keeping you awake through endless nights.
The dreams, when they came, were a cruel mockery of the life you once knew. Each night was filled with hauntingly vivid memories of better times with Suguru—laughter shared in quiet moments, his touch, and the warmth of his presence that now felt like an elusive phantom. The contrast between those dreams and the stark reality of your waking life was almost too much to bear.
Food, once a source of comfort and nourishment, had become a meaningless necessity. The meals you prepared, though carefully chosen, lay untouched on the counter. Their taste had lost all appeal, a reflection of the emptiness that now colored every aspect of your existence. Eating had become a mere act of survival, a stark reminder of the joy that had been stripped away.
The outside world, with its bustling streets and vibrant energy, felt distant, almost foreign. Tokyo’s vibrant chaos seemed to exist in a different realm, one that you could observe but not truly engage with. The city that once felt like a living, breathing entity now felt like a backdrop to your solitary struggle, its noise and activity a harsh contrast to the silence of your own life.
It was on one of these evenings, shrouded in solitude, that Gojo finally appeared at your door. His concern was palpable, a stark reminder of how far you’d retreated from those who cared about you. When you opened the door, he stood there, his face a mixture of frustration and worry.
“I’ve been calling you for weeks.” he said, his voice heavy with concern. “Are you okay? I haven’t heard from you in ages.”
You tried to muster a smile, but it fell short, your exhaustion too profound to conceal. “Oh, Gojo. I didn’t expect you.”
He stepped inside, his eyes quickly taking in the state of your apartment. The neatness of the space did nothing to hide the emptiness that pervaded it. “You don’t look well.” he said, his cerulean gaze moving to the cold meal on the counter. “I’ve been worried. What’s going on?”
You shrugged, feeling the weight of his scrutiny. “It’s nothing. Just... struggling, I guess. Food doesn’t taste right anymore.”
Gojo moved closer to the counter, his eyes scanning the untouched food. “This isn’t just about food. You need to take care of yourself. When was the last time you had a decent meal? When was the last time you really slept?”
You looked away, your voice trembling as you tried to suppress the tears. “I don’t sleep much. When I do, it’s filled with dreams of Suguru. It’s like he’s everywhere, but also nowhere.”
His expression softened, a flicker of empathy in his eyes. “I get it. You’re missing him. But you can’t let it consume you. You need to find a way to move forward.”
You shook your head, the enormity of the situation pressing down on you. “It’s not that simple. The outside world feels so distant now, almost foreign. I’m just... lost.”
Gojo’s hand gently rested on your shoulder, his touch a grounding presence. “I know…But you can’t do this. He…he wouldn’t want this either.”
You knew that. But you felt a pang of guilt as you tried to reassure Satoru about your well-being. The effort to project a sense of normalcy, to offer him even a glimmer of hope that things might improve, weighed heavily on you. You knew that your struggles were far from over, and while you didn’t want to burden him with the full extent of your despair, the pretense felt like a delicate dance on the edge of honesty.
Because you don’t know how he does it. How he keeps himself from going insane. You wished you did. You wished you could be him. Because you’re exhausted. You wanted to move on. You wanted to be free. But still, you’re here in this cage of grief, living like this. Being in pain. Being empty.
Your graduation, which should have been a moment of triumph, was marred by his absence. The empty chair next to you was a constant reminder of what you’d lost. Now, in the stillness of your apartment, the silence is deafening. The memories of laughter and shared dreams haunt you, and the loneliness seeps into your bones.
You can’t help but wonder where he is, what he’s doing, if he ever thinks of you too. Suguru’s defection was more than just a betrayal; it was a fracture, a deep wound that hasn’t healed. And as you sit in the vast emptiness of your apartment, you wonder if it ever will.
Back when you lived in Jujutsu High's dorms, life was different. Shoko would pop by unannounced, always ready to share the latest gossip, her presence a comforting constant. Those moments of laughter and whispered secrets felt like a lifetime ago. Back then, you had Digimon show nights with Satoru, the two of you arguing over favorite characters and plot twists, the banter and camaraderie a soothing balm to the stresses of your training.
And then there were those cold nights when you needed warmth, and Suguru Geto was there. His presence was a refuge, his arms a sanctuary. The conversations you'd have, the plans you'd make for the future, they were all wrapped in a cocoon of shared understanding and affection. His departure left a gaping hole, one that you haven't been able to fill.
Now, you are all alone. Anyone is, with your one’s grief. And now you truly are, separated from everyone else. The silence is oppressive, the loneliness a constant companion. The walls of your new apartment seem to close in on you, a stark reminder of what you once had and what you've lost. The memories of Shoko's gossip, Satoru's laughter, and Suguru's warmth are ghosts that haunt you, their absence a painful reminder of the life you once knew.
In the stillness of the night, you sometimes catch yourself hoping for a knock on the door, for Suguru to walk in with that familiar smile, as if everything could go back to the way it was. But reality is harsh, and you know that those days are gone. All you have now are the memories and the lingering hope that somehow, someday, things might change.
Geto Suguru left without saying anything, that day he went on his mission. He was supposed to be back in a day or two—at least that’s what he said during the phone call you shared when he was on that train. His voice, calm and reassuring, echoed in your mind long after the call ended. But that was the last time you heard his voice. The last time he called you. It was him getting off your seesaw game, finally stepping out of your world and leaving you with nothing but a broken heart.
And yet, he was never your boyfriend. You and him kept up the pretense, a delicate dance of closeness and distance, never truly naming what you had. The word "casual" was used way too much, a shield to protect fragile hearts from the vulnerability of the word "love." You remember the nights spent together, the conversations that felt like they meant something more, but neither of you dared to cross that line.
You often think back to that call, replaying every word, every nuance in his voice. It was supposed to be just another mission, nothing out of the ordinary. But something shifted, something changed, and Suguru never came back. His departure was like a cruel twist of fate, leaving you grappling with unanswered questions and unspoken feelings.
In the aftermath, you were left to navigate the wreckage alone. The routines you shared, the subtle intimacy of your connection, all shattered. The memories of his touch, his laugh, the way he looked at you when he thought you weren’t watching—they haunt you, a bittersweet reminder of what could have been.
You’ve tried to move on, to piece together a semblance of normalcy, but the void Suguru left is vast and unrelenting. The "casual" facade you both maintained now feels like a cruel joke, the missed opportunities for something deeper, more meaningful, a constant source of regret. You wonder if he ever felt the same, if he ever wanted to bridge the gap between you, but the answers are lost to the silence he left behind.
The seesaw game you played, the delicate balance of give and take, is now a lonely ride. You’re left suspended in midair, longing for the weight of his presence to bring you back down. But all you have are memories and the lingering ache of a love that was never fully realized, a connection that was always just out of reach.
The room was quiet, the only sound was the soft hum of the city outside the window. You lay there, the sheets tangled around your legs, your mind spinning with a mix of emotions. Suguru was next to you, propped up on one elbow, his dark eyes watching you intently.
"That was... something." you finally said, breaking the silence.
Suguru chuckled softly, a sound that sent a shiver down your spine. "Yeah, it was," he agreed. "Unexpected, but not unwelcome."
You nodded, trying to keep your expression neutral. "Yeah, it was nice. Just, you know, casual."
"Right, casual. I know, doll." Suguru echoed, his gaze lingering on you a moment longer before he looked away. "No strings attached."
"Exactly, yeah…." you said, forcing a smile. "We're both busy, and this doesn't have to mean anything more than... what it was."
"Yeah." he said, his voice a bit quieter. "Just a one-time thing. No need to complicate things."
You felt a pang in your chest but ignored it, keeping your tone light. "Right, no need to complicate things. We have enough going on with our missions and training."
"Absolutely, you’re right." Suguru said, but his purple eyes told a different story. There was a flicker of something deeper, something more, but it was quickly masked by a casual smile. "We're just two friends who had a good time."
"Exactly." you repeated, wishing you could believe it. "......Just two friends."
Suguru reached out, his fingers brushing a strand of hair from your face. "I don't want this to change anything between us, doll." he said softly. "I value what we have."
You nodded, your heart pounding. "Me too. This doesn't have to change anything."
He smiled, but there was a hint of sadness in his eyes. "Good. I'm glad we agree."
You both lay there for a moment longer, the weight of unspoken words hanging between you. Finally, Suguru sighed and rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. "So, breakfast?"
You laughed, the tension breaking slightly. "Yeah, breakfast sounds good."
You felt like crying again, and you hated it. You hated yourself for it. Because there was nothing between you and Suguru. You were casual. It’s been a year, and there was nothing after that. He left you. He chose his path. He chose to burn the world to free himself from torment. But now, you are in torment.
You sat on the edge of your bed, the weight of the silence pressing down on you. The memories of that night haunted you, the way he had looked at you, the way his touch had set your skin on fire. It was casual. Just a one-time thing. That’s what you told yourself, what you both agreed on. But the lie felt like a knife twisting in your gut now.
Suguru had left, and with him, he took the future you had secretly hoped for. You were in love with him. You didn’t want anything to be casual with him. You didn’t want it to be nothing. You wanted more, so much more, and now you knew you would never get anything.
The tears threatened to spill over, and you clenched your fists, trying to hold them back. You hated how weak you felt, how vulnerable. The world moved on, but you were stuck, trapped in a web of your own making. Suguru’s absence was a constant ache, a reminder of what you had lost, what you could never have.
He chose his path, and it led him away from you. It led him to destruction, to a darkness that swallowed him whole. And now, you were left to pick up the pieces of your shattered heart, alone in the vast emptiness of your new apartment. The echoes of your own thoughts were deafening, and the realization that you would never see him again, never hear his voice, never feel his touch—it was almost too much to bear.
You buried your face in your hands, the tears finally escaping, hot and bitter. The sobs wracked your body, each one a painful reminder of your unspoken feelings. You had wanted so much more, but you had been too afraid to ask, too afraid to risk the fragile balance you had. And now, it was too late.
Suguru was gone, and with him, any chance of something more. You were left with memories and regrets, with the knowledge that he had chosen his path, and you were not a part of it. The torment of unrequited love consumed you, a relentless ache that you couldn’t escape. You cried for what was, for what could have been, and for the future that would never be.
There was a strange stillness in the air, a quiet that felt almost suffocating. It felt different tonight. You sat on the edge of your bed, staring blankly at the wall, your thoughts a tangled mess of memories and regrets. The knock on your door was so soft, you almost didn't hear it. For a moment, you thought you had imagined it, but then it came again, more insistent this time.
You wiped your eyes, forcing yourself to stand. Each step toward the door felt like walking through quicksand, your heart pounding in your chest. You weren't expecting anyone. As you reached for the doorknob, a part of you wondered if you were dreaming, if the grief had finally driven you mad.
You opened the door slowly, the hinges creaking in protest. And there he was. Geto Suguru stood in the doorway, looking every bit as if you remembered him, but different somehow. His eyes held a depth of sadness, a haunted look that mirrored your own. He seemed exhausted. As much as you, you think. But you say nothing for a few moments. You just stare at him, as though trying to be sure you weren’t hallucinating.
"Suguru?" Your voice was barely a whisper, the word catching in your throat.
He gave you a small, almost hesitant smile. "Hey."
"What are you doing here?" you asked, your voice trembling with emotions. “Why—”
"I needed to see you, doll." he said softly. "I just had to see you tonight….will you let me in?”
You don’t know how he found out your address. Or how he was able to know which apartment block yours was. But you didn’t say anything. You didn’t want to force anything tonight. You nodded and stepped back, allowing him to enter. The silence between you was heavy, filled with all the words that had been left unsaid. You closed the door and turned to face him, your heart aching with a mix of hope and fear.
"Why now?" you asked, your eyes searching for him. “Why come back to me now? I….I’m not…”
He looks at you, almost longingly. “I don’t know.”
The weight of Suguru's confession hung in the air, but before you could process it, he spoke again, breaking the silence. "I know this is unexpected. I know I don't have the right to just show up here like this, but I need to talk to you.”
You stepped back, the doorway now feeling like a chasm between you. "Suguru, this is a bad idea. You shouldn’t be—”
He took a hesitant step inside, his presence filling the space. "I just want to talk. Please."
The room felt smaller, more suffocating, with him in it. The tension was palpable, a fragile thread that could snap at any moment. He glanced around the room, his eyes lingering on familiar objects—things that hadn't changed since he left. Things he wished wouldn't change. From the corner of his eye, he could see it. That uniform button he left behind. He purses his lips.
"How are you?" he asked, his voice low and careful.
You crossed your arms, trying to hold yourself together. "How do you think I am, Suguru? There's an order to kill you on the spot. If people find out you're here with me, the higher ups will get me.”
He flinched at your words, a shadow passing over his face. "I know the risks. I wouldn't have come if I didn't think it was important."
You shook your head, frustration and fear mingling in your chest. "Important? You think this is important? You left, Suguru. You choose your path, and it has nothing to do with me. Now you show up out of nowhere, and you want to talk?"
"I had to." he said, his voice almost pleading. "I've made so many mistakes, but leaving you was the worst one. I had to see you, to tell you how I feel."
Your heart ached at his words, but the reality of the situation loomed large. "And what do you expect me to do with that information? Do you want me to just forgive and forget? To pretend like everything's fine when it's not?"
He took another step closer, his eyes searching yours. "I don't expect anything. I just needed you to know. I needed to try and make things right."
You looked away, the emotions swirling inside you too much to bear. "Suguru, you don't understand. It's not just about us. If they find out you're here, they'll kill you. And I'll be branded a traitor."
He nodded slowly, understanding the gravity of your words. "I know. And I'm sorry for putting you in this position. But I couldn't stay away. Not anymore."
The room was thick with tension, the weight of everything unsaid pressing down on you both. You wanted to reach out, to bridge the gap between you, but the fear of the consequences held you back.
"I don't know what to do." you admitted, your voice breaking. "I don't know how…I don’t know how to handle this."
Suguru stepped closer, his hand hovering near yours. "You don't have to do anything. Just let me be here, even if it's just for a little while. Let me be with you."
You looked up at him, the pain and regret in his eyes mirroring your own. The risk was enormous, but the pull of your heart was stronger. For a moment, you allowed yourself to imagine that things could be different, that maybe, somehow, you could find a way through this together.
But reality crashed back down, harsh and unyielding. "Suguru, this can't last. You know that."
He nodded, his expression filled with sorrow. "I know. But for now, can we just..."
You took a deep breath, the conflict tearing you apart. "Okay. For now."
Suguru’s eyes softened at your words, relief washing over his features. The air between you was thick with unspoken emotions, the tension palpable. You could feel your resolve wavering, the walls you had built around your heart crumbling with every passing second.
He took another step closer, closing the distance between you. His hand reached out, gently brushing against yours. The touch was electric, sending a shiver down your spine. You looked up at him, your breath catching in your throat as his gaze held yours.
“For now.” he repeated softly, his voice filled with a mixture of hope and longing.
You couldn’t hold back any longer. The months of separation, the endless nights of aching for him, all came crashing down in that moment. You closed the gap between you, your lips finding his in a desperate, hungry kiss.
Suguru responded instantly, his arms wrapping around you, pulling you closer. The kiss was intense, filled with all the emotions you had both kept bottled up for so long. It was as if you were trying to make up for lost time, to pour all your love and longing into that single, searing connection.
Your hands tangled in his hair, pulling him closer, needing to feel him, to assure yourself that he was really there. Suguru’s hands roamed over your back, his touch igniting a fire within you. The kiss deepened, growing more fervent, more desperate. You broke the kiss just long enough to catch your breath, your foreheads resting against each other. The intensity of your emotions left you both breathless, but neither of you pulled away.
“Suguru.” you whispered, your voice trembling with the weight of everything you felt.
“I know.” he murmured, his breath warm against your lips. “I know.”
You kissed him again, this time even more passionately, your need for him overwhelming any lingering doubts. His hands slid under your shirt, his touch sending sparks of electricity through your body. You gasped against his lips, your body responding to him in ways you had tried to forget.
The world outside ceased to exist, the only thing that mattered was Suguru. Being here with you. The kiss grew more intense, a fierce clash of lips and tongues, as if you were both trying to make up for the lost time, for all the moments you had been apart.
Suguru’s hands moved to your waist, lifting you effortlessly and guiding you toward the bed. You didn’t resist, your body craving his touch, his closeness. As he laid you down gently, his lips never leaving yours, you felt a sense of rightness, a feeling that this was where you were meant to be.
His body pressed against yours, the heat between you growing more intense. Every touch, every kiss, was a reminder of what you had lost and found again. Your hands roamed over his back, pulling him closer, needing to feel every inch of him.
“Suguru.” you whispered, your voice filled with a mixture of need and desperation.
He responded with a soft groan, his lips trailing down your neck, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. “I’ve missed you so much, doll.” he murmured against your skin. “Too much…”
You arched into his touch, your body responding to him in ways you had almost forgotten. The intensity of your desire for him was overwhelming, a force you couldn’t control. You pulled him back up, capturing his lips in another searing kiss.
As the kiss deepened, the intensity grew, the passion between you igniting like a wildfire. And for the first time in a long time, you allowed yourself to hope, to believe that maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for something more.
The walls themselves felt like they were closing in, drawn tighter by the charged energy of the moment. The temperature seemed to rise with every movement, the warmth of your bodies pressed together creating a cocoon of intimacy and passion.
You moaned against the kiss, feeling his hand around the back of your neck, his fingers tangling in your hair. He was always so good at making you defenseless when it came to him. When it came to Suguru, you surrendered without a fight.
His lips trailed down your jawline, planting heated kisses along the sensitive skin of your neck. Each touch sent shivers down your spine, your body arching into him, craving more. His other hand roamed over your back, his touch firm yet gentle, as if he were memorizing every inch of you.
"You have no idea how much I've missed this." he whispered against your skin, his breath hot and tantalizing. “How much I missed you.”
You could barely form words, your mind clouded with desire. "S–suguru…." you breathed, your voice trembling with need.
He pulled back just enough to look into your eyes, his own gaze dark with intensity. "Say it, doll." he urged, his voice a low, husky command. “Use your words.”
"Suguru, please." you repeated, feeling the heat of his name on your lips, the weight of it in the air between you. “I need you.”
A satisfied smile curved his lips before he kissed you again, deeper this time, his tongue exploring your mouth with a fierce, possessive hunger. You responded eagerly, your hands clutching at his shoulders, pulling him closer, needing to feel him, to lose yourself in him.
His hand slid down from your neck to the small of your back, pulling you against him, your bodies fitting together perfectly. The sensation was almost overwhelming, a mix of intense pleasure and deep, unfulfilled longing. Your heart pounded in your chest, the sound echoing in your ears, drowning out any remaining doubts.
As the kiss grew more fervent, more desperate, you felt yourself melting into him, your defenses crumbling with every touch, every caress. Suguru had always had this effect on you, this ability to make you forget everything else, to make you feel like you were the only two people in the world.
"I missed you." you whispered against his lips, the confession slipping out before you could stop it.
He groaned in response, his hand sliding up under your shirt, his touch searing against your skin. "I missed you too, doll." he murmured, his voice thick with desire. "More than you know."
As he continued to kiss you, his hands exploring your body with a reverence that made your heart ache, you realized that no matter what happened next, no matter the consequences, this moment was worth it. Being with Suguru, feeling his love, his desire, his need—it was everything you had ever wanted, everything you had been missing.
And in that instant, you knew you would face any danger, any threat, just to keep him here with you, to hold onto this feeling for as long as you could. Because when it came to Suguru, you were willing to surrender without a fight.
The heat between you was almost unbearable, the intensity of your desire for Suguru consuming you. His hands continued their exploration, each touch sending waves of pleasure through your body. You could feel his need, his desperation, mirrored in your own.
"Suguru…" you whispered again, your voice a mix of longing and urgency.
He responded with a deep, passionate kiss, his tongue delving into your mouth, tasting, exploring. Your hands roamed over his back, pulling him closer, needing to feel every inch of him against you. The sensation of his body pressed against yours was intoxicating, driving you to the brink of madness.
His hand slid under your shirt, his fingers tracing a path up your spine, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. You arched into his touch, a soft moan escaping your lips as he reached the clasp of your bra, deftly undoing it. The feeling of his hands on your bare skin was electric, every nerve ending alive with sensation.
"You feel so good, doll." he murmured against your lips, his voice husky with desire.
His words sent a shiver down your spine, your body responding instinctively. You tugged at his shirt, needing to feel his skin against yours. He helped you, pulling it over his head and tossing it aside, revealing the toned muscles of his chest and abdomen.
You ran your hands over his chest, your fingers tracing the lines of his muscles, feeling the heat of his skin beneath your touch. He groaned softly, his hands moving to your hips, pulling you closer. The feel of his arousal against your thigh sent a surge of desire through you, your need for him growing more intense with every passing second.
He lifted your shirt over your head, his eyes darkened with lust as he took in the sight of you. "You're beautiful." he said, his voice filled with admiration.
You blushed under his gaze, feeling a mix of shyness and exhilaration. "Suguru." you breathed, reaching for him.
He kissed you again, hungrier than before. You could feel his hands sliding down to your jeans, unbuttoning them with practiced ease. You helped him, pushing the fabric down your hips, kicking them off along with your underwear. The cool air against your skin was a stark contrast to the heat between you, heightening your senses.
Suguru's eyes roamed over your body, his expression one of reverence and hunger. He reached for you, his hands gentle yet firm as he guided you back onto the bed. You lay there, your heart pounding, as he stripped off the rest of his clothes, revealing the full extent of his arousal.
He climbed onto the bed, his body hovering over yours, the heat of his skin radiating against you. He kissed you again, his lips trailing down your neck, your collarbone, his hands exploring every inch of you. The sensation was almost overwhelming, your body arching into his touch, craving more.
"I need you." he whispered against your skin, his voice filled with urgency.
"Then take me." you replied, your voice trembling with anticipation.
He positioned himself between your legs, his hands gripping your hips as he slowly entered you. The sensation was exquisite, a mix of pleasure and pain that left you gasping, your body adjusting to the fullness of him.
"So deep, Su…." you moaned, your hands clutching at his back, your nails digging into his skin.
He moved slowly at first, his strokes deep and measured, his eyes locked onto yours. The intensity of his gaze, the connection between you, was almost too much to bear. You wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him deeper, urging him on.
He responded with a groan, his pace quickening, each thrust sending waves of pleasure through your body. You moved together in perfect rhythm, your bodies melding into one, the world outside fading away.
Every touch, every kiss, every movement—each a story of love and desire you felt for each other. The intensity built with each passing second, your moans mingling with his, the sound of your bodies coming together filling the room.
"S–suguru!" you gasped, feeling the tension building, the climax approaching. “I….I’m close!”
He kissed you deeply, his movements becoming more frantic, more desperate. "I love you, doll." he whispered against your lips, his voice raw with emotion. “More than you know.”
The words sent you over the edge, your body convulsing with pleasure, your vision blurring as the orgasm washed over you. Suguru followed moments later, releasing a powerful, shuddering wave that left him breathless, his body collapsing against yours.
You lay there together, your bodies intertwined, the aftermath of your lovemaking leaving you both spent and sated. For a moment, the world was perfect, the dangers and fears forgotten. In that moment, all that mattered was the love you shared, the connection that bound you together.
Suguru propped himself up on one elbow, his gaze tender as he looked down at you. You turned to face him, your eyes heavy with a mixture of satisfaction and lingering emotions. He stroked your hair gently, his touch soothing.
"I know I’ve been gone for a long time.”
“You have.”
“I’m sorry for leaving you without any explanation." He whispered to you. “For making you suffer.”
You sighed, closing your eyes as you listened to his words. "It’s been really hard. I didn’t know if you were ever coming back. And when you did… it was like opening old wounds all over again."
Suguru’s fingers traced patterns on your back, his touch calming. "I understand. I’ve had time to think about everything, and I realize now how much I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. But I needed to see you, to try to make things right, even if I’m not sure how."
You looked up at him, your eyes filled with a mix of sadness and hope. "What do you want from me, Suguru? What do we do now?"
He took a deep breath, his expression serious. "I don’t expect things to go back to how they were before. I just want to be honest with you.”
The sincerity in his voice touched something deep inside you. You took his hand, squeezing it gently. "You’re someone dear to me, Suguru. You always will be.”
You could see how painfully beautiful his smile was. And just as much, how easily he started to grieve this moment. “I know.”
You snuggled closer to him, your body seeking the warmth and comfort of his embrace. As the weight of the conversation and the exhaustion from the emotional rollercoaster began to take their toll, you felt yourself growing drowsy.
Suguru’s arms tightened around you, his presence a soothing balm to your restless heart. "You should get some rest," he murmured, his voice gentle. "I’ll be here until you fall asleep."
You nodded, your eyes fluttering shut as the comforting rhythm of his heartbeat lulled you into a peaceful slumber. The feeling of his body pressed against yours, the gentle caress of his hand on your back, was all you needed to drift off.
When you awoke, it was to the soft, hesitant brush of Suguru’s lips against yours. You stirred, your eyes blinking open to find him gazing at you with a mixture of sadness and affection.
“I have to go, doll,” Suguru said quietly, his voice filled with regret. “But I’ll be thinking of you. Always. Wherever I go, wherever I am. I’ll only love you. Only you.”
You didn’t know what to say to that. The weight of his words hung heavily in the air, each syllable resonating deep within you. You wanted to respond, to find the right words to express how much his declaration meant to you, but the lump in your throat made it difficult to speak.
Instead, you simply reached out, your hand finding his, holding it tightly as if trying to anchor him to this moment. His fingers intertwined with yours, and for a brief second, you found solace in the connection, the warmth of his touch providing a bittersweet comfort.
Suguru leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering as if trying to imprint the memory of your skin on his own. His eyes met yours one last time, filled with an intensity that spoke of a deep and unspoken promise.
“Take care of yourself, doll.” he whispered, his voice barely more than a breath. “Live for me.”
You nodded, your eyes misting as you tried to hold back the tears. “I will. You too, Suguru. Be safe.
He kissed you one last time, a tender, lingering kiss that seemed to hold all the words left unspoken. His lips brushed against yours with a softness that belied the intensity of the emotions swirling between you. It was a kiss that conveyed both farewell and the depth of his feelings, a final, aching promise wrapped in the warmth of his touch.
As he pulled away, his eyes searched for yours, filled with a profound sadness that matched the heaviness in your heart. There was a moment where time seemed to stand still, where every second stretched into eternity. The look he gave you was a mixture of regret and deep affection, as if he were trying to imprint this final moment into his memory, to hold onto it even as he had to let go.
With a final, loving glance, he slowly rose from the bed, the movement reluctant and heavy. The contrast between the intimacy you had shared moments before and the distance growing between you now felt like a cruel irony. He began to dress, his actions slow and methodical, each movement a reminder of the separation that loomed ahead.
You watched him, feeling a hollow ache settle in your chest. The sight of him buttoning his shirt, pulling on his jacket, seemed to magnify the reality of his departure. Each piece of clothing he put on felt like a barrier, a wall being erected between you. The warmth of his touch was replaced by the cold distance of impending goodbye.
When he finally finished dressing, he paused by the door, turning back to you with one last, lingering look. His eyes were filled with a mixture of sorrow and determination, the kind of gaze that promised he would carry you with him, even as he walked away. The sight of him standing there, so close yet so far, was almost too much to bear.
He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, and then slowly walked toward the door. Each step he took felt like a betrayal to the moment you had shared, each creak of the floorboards a painful reminder of the separation. As he reached the door, he turned to look at you one last time, his expression a final plea for you to understand.
“Goodbye, doll.” he said softly, his voice breaking slightly with the weight of his emotions.
With those final words, he opened the door and stepped out into the hallway, leaving you alone in the room that now felt unbearably empty. The door closed behind him with a soft click, and the sound echoed in the silence that followed.
You sat there, feeling the overwhelming sense of loss, the weight of his absence pressing down on you. The room, once filled with the warmth of his presence, now felt cold and desolate. You reached out to the space he had occupied, your hand trembling as if trying to grasp at the remnants of his touch.
The tears finally came, streaming down your face in silent, aching sobs. The finality of his departure settled in, leaving you with the bittersweet memory of his touch, his kisses, and the love you had shared. As you buried your face in your hands, the pain of his absence was a stark reminder of the reality you had to face, the love that remained but was now out of reach.
You lay back down on the bed, the lingering warmth of his presence a bittersweet comfort. Yearning for what remained of him. The reality of his departure settled in, slowly. Tears kept falling and you couldn’t stop them. When you closed your eyes, all you could see was him.
You cried until you were too tired to do it. And as you drifted back to sleep, you held onto the memory of his touch, his kisses, and the promise that, despite everything, he would always be a part of your heart. He would always be your ghost. He would always haunt you, even when you’re old and gray — he would always be more than a casual memory. He’d always be the one that got away. And you knew….you were his too.
306 notes
·
View notes
Sailor Moon (Toei): The Top 20 Villains
Ranked using my core tenets for villains, and done countdown style for dramatic effect.
Honorable Mention: Jadeite - The definition of a stock, cheesy "Curses! Foiled again!" supervillain, Jadeite embraced this role with style and class, providing much entertainment with his oversized ego that caused him to stubbornly repeat variations of the same failed plan over and over again until it got him run over by an airplane and then cryogenically frozen as punishment for his incompetence. He was partly responsible for Sailor Moon, Mercury and Mars' origins and coming into their own as superheroines, and for that he deserves respect.
20. Mimete - This bubbly, ditzy member of Witches 5 started out fun, but had the problem of coming directly off the heels of the more competent Eudial whom she had murdered to get the job. On top of that, she wears out her welcome, as much like Jadeite she tends to just repeat variations of the same scheme (target handsome celebrities) over and over again, and even Jadeite started out somewhat successful at it! In the end, after getting converted to energy and trapped in a computer, Mimete didn't seem like she ever justified how long we spent with her. But she makes the list purely due to her appealing design and personality.
19. The Four Spectre Sisters - Serving under Rubeus, these members of the Black Moon Clan had the dual tasks of capturing Chibiusa and conquering certain areas of Tokyo in order to weaken the defenses of Crystal Tokyo in the future. They were formidable opponents and also had distinct personalities that bounced off one another in a fun way. They rank low because Calaveras and Petz hogged too much limelight, their consecutive redemptions felt rushed, and despite staying on Earth we never see them again in any future story arc.
18. Fiore - The anime-exclusive antagonist of the Sailor Moon R movie, The Promise of the Rose, Fiore is a composite of Ail and En: an orphaned member of their species, not knowing how to properly express love, being male like Ail but in love with Mamoru like En, and corrupted by negative energy...in this case, that of Kissenean, a wicked alien flower being. Fiore only appeared in the movie so naturally he left no lasting impact whatsoever on the series. That and how derivative he is places him low on the list. However, he is still cool and charismatic enough to be considered one of the best, just as his movie is the best one.
17. Safir - Despite being pretty underplayed for much of his time in the show, Safir's final episode was impactful enough to make him a standout. Beneath the stiff, serious front he puts on, Safir reveals himself to be a confused and desperate young man who can see the self-destructive path Wiseman has led his older brother and his clan down and wants to stop it but doesn't know how because the natural solution - joining forces with Earth and the Sailor Senshi - doesn't cross his mind due to his pre-existing prejudices toward both. But in the end, he finally overcomes these prejudices and reclaims his humanity, even at the cost of his life.
16. Mistress 9 - While Mistress 9 sadly wasn't around for too long, she definitely made an impact with what little screentime she got. Fully overtaking Hotaru's body by sacrificing Chibiusa's heart, coldly killing off Kaolinite like it was nothing, tricking Usagi into giving her the power of the Holy Grail, gleefully summoning Pharaoh 90 to destroy Earth, and fighting against Hotaru's influence from within only to succumb to it and be painfully extinguished.
15. Black Lady - Another case of high quality in limited quantity, Black Lady maintained the childish gremlin side of Chibiusa's personality while carrying herself more like an adult (or at least what Chibiusa thinks an adult is like) and holding nothing back in trying to kill all who stood in her way and open up the Dark Gate so that Earth can be destroyed by the power of the Malefic Black Crystal. On the one hand, she has less agency than Mistress 9 since she's a fully brainwashed dupe of Wiseman. But on the other hand, brainwashed or not she still is Chibiusa, not some other entity possessing her, and that makes her a lot more interesting.
14. The Amazon Trio - Now in-universe, these guys are absolute failures in regards to my third core tenant of villainy. They didn't impact or influence jack-shit in the story, characters and world; their lengthy run as antagonists honestly is mostly filler. But out of universe, it's impossible for a viewer to forget them! They are so enjoyable in how they strike a balance between being endearingly comical with all their banter and mishaps, and legit dastardly, callously preying on victims in an allegory for sexual assault. And not only does this end up being fully justified and understandable when it's revealed what they really are, but their redemption is one of the most effective and memorable in the whole anime. They only rank lower because Tiger's Eye sadly hogs a lot of the screentime, even though he's arguably the least interesting of the three, plus the fact that the higher ranked villains accomplish more.
13. The Amazoness Quartet - Directly following the Amazon Trio is the Amazoness Quartet. Not only do they live up to how enjoyable their predecessors were, but they have a more consistently progressing character arc and they actually matter to the plot of the story arc! These girls would rank a lot higher if not for the absolutely bone-headed choice by Sailor Stars to not bring them back to continue their redemption arc all the way to becoming Sailor Senshi even when the finale of SuperS blatantly hinted at it! They can at least rest assured that they're not the only SuperS villain that Sailor Stars has screwed out of a higher rank...
12. Ail & En - Before the Amazoness Quartet, we had these goobers that went against the Sailor Senshi all while disguising as civilian frenemies to them. For anime-original creations, Ail and En are stunningly well-written, with the filler arc they star in feeling like a natural bridge between the canonical adaptations. They can feel love, but they don't know how to process and understand it since their view on everything has been warped by the "take whatever by force to survive" mentality their rough life has shaped, a mentality that also causes them to slowly kill the life-giving tree they're trying to save and infect themselves with negative energy. They are sympathetic villains you want to see redeemed and are glad when they are. They'd be Top 10 if only they hadn't left Earth at the end, never to be seen or spoken of again. They could've made great returning supporting characters had they stayed.
11. Kunzite - So close. Kunzite was SO CLOSE to being one of the Top 10 villains of the Sailor Moon anime. He had it all: charisma, menace, power, intellect, style, a softer side shown in his romance with Zoisite, a great backstory just waiting to get tapped into....but tragically, following Zoisite's death and Kunzite's subsequent battle with the Sailor Senshi for revenge, the anime's writers just lost the plot with Kunzite: pairing him with brainwashed Endymion just to have them childishly squabble, having him concoct dumbass plans utilizing utterly campy monsters in order to capture Sailor Moon, and brushing on absolutely none of his backstory before killing him off as an afterthought. God, such a waste of a great villain!
10. Eudial - The Death Busters' most efficient minion and among the most efficient minions in general, Eudial is a case of extremes balancing out. She's silly yet intimidating, hot tempered yet cool headed, clumsy yet competent, achieving some embarrassing failures but also some monumental successes, and she does it all with a unique gadgeteer genius style. She was the starring villain of the best stretch of episodes in S, which was also the last consistently good in the anime, and she deserved better than the lame-ass joke of a death she received.
9. Crimson Rubeus - Rubeus is very similar to Eudial in being an especially formidable redheaded foe for the Sailor Senshi, but he has three major differences that propel him higher. First is that through his selfishness and cowardice, he actually avoided personal setbacks and embarrassments, as he left the dirty work to the Spectre Sisters. Second is that he is far darker and crueler, possessing a sadistic attitude, being hell-bent on killing a child to earn favor with his boss, and having planned from the get-go to manipulate and sacrifice the Spectre Sisters so that he can get all of the glory. Third and finally is that he gets an epic resolution, fighting Sailor Moon in his spaceship and then having it explode with him still in it.
8. Queen Nehelenia - Now, if SuperS was all we had, then she and number 5 would have swapped places. Queen Nehelenia is a truly terrifying figure, cold-hearted and malicious even by the standards of this anime's villains, casting a dark pall over every scene she's in. And in the end, we see just how twisted and tragic she is, ultimately being a child who never wants to grow up so that she can stay young and beautiful and be worshipped for it forever, to the point where she condemns herself into an isolated existence trapped inside a mirror so long as she can keep her youth. But then....sigh....Sailor Stars came along. Because of the absolute butchery of the character it gave us, Nehelenia can't place any higher than this.
7. Prince Demande - Demande only falters for two reasons: one of which being that he's only a consistent presence in the last stretch of episodes in R, being barely seen or mentioned beforehand, and the other that the show pussies out of letting him meet his end as the villain he was in favor of a half-assed, overwrought "redemption". But that aside, Demande is still an excellent villain: threatening, cold-hearted, absolutely twisted in his rape-y desire for total control of Usagi, but also nuanced in his backstory and motivations regarding his planet and people, and tragic in how he has been misled by Wiseman for all his life.
6. Queen Beryl - It's the OG Big Bad of the anime! Beryl can't breach the top 5 only because the majority of her screentime is her sitting on her butt and waving her hands over her crystal ball while talking to her minions, making her pretty repetitive and easy to predict. But she still makes up for that by how developed her personality becomes over the course of the series: showcasing class, intelligence and dignity that soon crumbles to reveal the petty, entitled and ruthless tyrant she truly is, while toward the end we see that she is capable of a twisted sort of love as she pines for Endymion. When merged with her master Queen Metalia, she also engages in the anime's first and best Final Boss battle. What else can I say - she's a classic!
5. Zirconia - Queen Nehelenia's twisted mirror image runs the Dead Moon Circus, and she is honestly pretty terrible at her job....but that's part of what makes her so much fun! She is basically a campy sentai show lead villain; heck, Rita Repulsa herself voices her in the Viz dub! Watching her grumble and fret and rage and scream her way across SuperS never gets old. On top of this, she is still a legitimately detestable villain and a real threat when she needs to be, seen most clearly during the final episodes. I love Zirconia so much that I hold a soft spot for her nonsensically male Cloverway dub version! The character is just that good!
4. Nephrite - "The stars see all, the stars know all." Nephrite showed promise when he debuted, being charismatic and intellectual while also holding a repressed, simmering sense of anger. But it only took a few episodes before his shtick started to feel like an even less efficient version of what we'd been through with Jadeite, so his prospects dimmed. But then something funny happened - Nephrite changed and evolved. He adapted to the fact that what he was doing wasn't working and changed his strategies up accordingly to focus on hitting the Sailor Senshi's weaknesses. When that was met with failure, he switched things up again to focus on finding the Silver Crystal, and added to it a strategy of manipulating Naru's feelings for him that he'd learned from his prior strategy shift. All while trying to hold his cover as rich playboy Masato Sanjoin, competing with his rival Zoisite, and developing legitimate feelings of care for Naru that made him rediscover his humanity all while he technically remained a villain. By the time he tragically died protecting Naru, Nephrite had proven himself to be a radical game changer not just for villains in the anime, but for the whole anime itself.
3. Zoisite - As a kid, I hated Zoisite. He killed Nephrite, kept getting away with seizing Rainbow Crystals that the heroes tried to claim, and always fought as low and dirty as possible while being the smuggest, scummiest shithead about it, all while having the gall to whine and cry to Kunzite when things didn't go his way. All these years later, that's exactly why I adore Zoisite as a villain. He's an immature youth in way over his head because his mentor and lover is the highest ranked warrior in the Dark Kingdom - and he knows it too, which is why his insecurity and desire to prove himself manifests in this petty narcissism and ruthless cruelty. He's utterly loathsome, yet pitiful and ultimately tragic at the same time. And since he was the focal villain in the best stretch of episodes in the entire anime, there's no way he can't rank among the highest of villainy. He died a failure, but he exists a success.
2. Wiseman / Death Phantom - And here he is, the uncontested greatest Ultimate Evil in all of Sailor Moon. Wiseman at first appears as a royal advisor to Prince Demande, meaning that Demande is set up as the "new Beryl" who will make it to be the endgame foe. But it turns out you really should have suspected the character waving their hands around a crystal ball. Unlike Beryl, Wiseman is a manipulator, keeping to the shadows and presenting himself as unassuming so that he can better control his pawns, all of whom he looks down upon and intends on discarding once he gets what he wants. And what he wants is to reshape the universe as a place of nothingness, reigning over it as the supreme god: Death Phantom. Wiseman is scary as Hell and personally despicable more than any other villain, because he doesn't even have a relatable motive for what he does. He is simply a heartless monster.
1. Professor Tomoe - I tried. I tried to measure the villains in a way that might avoid this predictable choice for Number 1. But the math just all adds up in the professor's favor! S is a series that peaks about halfway through, when Sailor Moon obtains the Holy Grail and achieves Super mode, after which the head writer position switches hands and the writing quality rapidly drops off a cliff. And yet not only is Professor Tomoe unaffected by this...he arguably defies it! He only gets better as the show goes on! The fusion of a man and an extraterrestrial demon, Professor Tomoe starts out as the most unique and certainly most entertaining boss villains the anime has ever seen, being equally creepy and hilarious. The longer the show goes on, the more credible of a threat and the more comedic of a character he becomes, and we even get a lot of nuance and pathos in how affable and kind of a boss he is to his evil minions and how loving of a father he is to Hotaru as both herself and as the Dark Messiah. In the end, we have a great final battle against his evil side while his good side receives a heartwarming redemption and second chance with his daughter. He's perfect.
10 notes
·
View notes