#Today the villainess has gun again

[pruneunfair]

For me,my hated trope is fl pairing with the ml who is always treated like a child. Example is the villainess has fun because I think I speak for some healthy leilin fans that leilin deserve a better male lead like the 3 male lead choices who looks like an adult and have great chemistry with leilin. Thank god,the villainess stationary store avoided that trope because the author make dominic and meldenique aka the fl see each other as just sibling figures and the fact dominic has never ever has romantic feelings towards meldenique because dominic is physically 17 years old so kudos to the author having meldenique be with someone that is an adult like her yay.

Oh god yeah I hate that shouta trope, it might be worse then my least favorite because how the hell is that can gonna be easily justified without saying "he looks young but he's actually 282939 years old."

I'll admit I panicked when I read that part of Villainesses stationary shop and the sigh of relief I got when it was revealed Dominic wasn't the love interest was one of the best close calls ever experienced

[manhwa-animated-cover]

[whitecrownsblackthrones-archived]

Ann and Akihito for the kid meme

send me a pair name and I’ll tell you what I think it would be like if they had a child.

Name: Daniella Rosavy Li Gender: Female General Appearance: Long black hair with a high forehead, amethyst purple eyes, a thin & slender body with a small birthmark on her hip. Personality: Opinionated to a fault, she is as stubborn as a brick & prideful as the Crown Princess of Camellia. A high & refined taste in nearly all things & a daring socialite Special Talents: A wonderful singer & musician, outstanding marksmen with varies types of guns & remarkably good at driving military vehicles(fighter jets in particular). Who they like better: Neither, she likes her aunt Suzanne more Who they take after more: Ann Personal Head canon: Originally, the Camellia court was disappointed that the Queen & Prince Consort’s firstborn looked more like Akihito then Ann, & was at times mocked by the aristocrats for ‘looking like a low-born’ rather then their Queen. This fostered some anger in Rosavy’s heart, as she strived to become better then all of them in any way she could. From her military training(which she also choose 4 years of like her mother & choose to train in the air force branch), to what she wears & even what she eats, in turn making many others quite jealous of her & her spoiled ways. Face Claim: Leilin Shan Candmione from Today the Villainess has Fun Again

[twistedtummies2]

Gotham’s 31 Most Wanted - Number 4

Welcome back to Gotham’s 31 Most Wanted! Each day of January, I’m counting down my Top 31 Favorite Batman Villains of all time! Today’s villainess is, quite frankly, too popular for her own good. Number 4 is…Harley Quinn.

Oh, Harley…Harley, Harley, Harley…WHAT am I to do with you? Harley Quinn is a character I have a bit of a…curious relationship with. I would say she is to Batman fans like me what I think the film “A Christmas Story” is to a lot of people. There was a time when she was that one Batman character that almost no one knew about. Harley, as many will know, originated in the popular DC Animated Universe, starting with “Batman: The Animated Series.” The character was heavily influenced by the henchgirls the villains would have in the 60s show with Adam West (there are at least a couple I’m positive HAD to have been a direct inspiration, whether anybody says it aloud or not), and was voiced by Arleen Sorkin – who was also something of an influence on the character’s personality and appearance. Harleen Quinzel started out as a gun moll of the Joker; once she had been an up-and-coming psychiatrist at Arkham Asylum, but her ambitions and inexperience led to her being bamboozled by the Clown Prince of Crime, and she fell in love with her patient. The more the Joker worked his black magic on her, the more into depravity Harleen fell, till she eventually adopted the moniker of Harley Quinn – a pun on “Harlequin” – and became the Joker’s daffy accomplice on many a caper. In the show, Harley was a fun and frenetic character – being both complex and interesting as well as just plain nutty – and quickly became a fan favorite, reappearing in multiple spinoffs…but I don’t think anybody expected her to go anywhere after the DCAU ended its collective run. Lord, if only… At first, Harley’s movement was fairly small; I remember those days, because I lived them. She appeared as the main antagonist of the series “Birds of Prey,” but that never really went anywhere. They reimagined her in “The Batman,” but again, that never really went anywhere. Heck, she even appeared in comics, starting with her very own self-titled series…but even THEN, she wasn’t MASSIVELY popular. Heck, not even a small appearance in a big storyline like “Hush” seemed to properly put her on the map! It’s really hard for me to precisely pinpoint WHEN Harley’s popularity exploded, or even WHY it exploded…but suddenly, without any given warning, she started showing up EVERYWHERE. Her appearances in comics became increasingly more frequent and with more and more focus being placed on her; more TV shows and video games not connected to the DCAU began popping up with her in them. She now even has her own TV series, and a movie that, despite being called “Birds of Prey,” is really a Harley Quinn movie above all else. And throughout a lot of interpretations, she’s been able to move away from the Joker in a variety of ways, becoming more and more of a focal point on her own terms. Now…there are two types of Harley fans out there. Some who just love Harley in freaking everything and seem to worship the ground she treads on…and others who are effectively “Harley Purists.” To them, Harley Quinn is the Joker’s Queen, and they just can’t stand all these new interpretations that have popped up over time. Now, I don’t really count myself 100% in EITHER category…but if I had to take a side, I’d go with the Harley Purists. To me, I don’t mind all the various reinventions of Harley, but I just find that very few of them work for me. I don’t mind her being a bit more evil in things like “Birds of Prey” or the Arkham games, but then you have things like “Gods and Monsters” or the Telltale version, both of which I really can’t stand. I don’t mind her changing out of her “classic attire,” but I seriously don’t get all the biker gal imagery, and a lot of her outfits just seem to be either trying to hard to be “sexy,” or are simply garish and ridiculous, even for Harley Quinn. I don’t even mind her being with characters other than the Joker! Let’s face it, that wasn’t the healthiest relationship…but I don’t always feel the characters they DO match her with instead make sense to me, nor do I feel most of those (if any) relationships have the poetry that the Joker had. I also REALLY don’t like how promiscuous Harley is in a lot of modern stories; sure, the original Harley could be flirtatious, and they made it clear she was no angel, but there was a subtlety to it that I think worked to its advantage. To me, there’s always been a childlike quality to Harley that should be retained, and a lot of modern takes seem to miss that mark by a nautical mile, one way or another. Bottom line, CONCEPTUALLY all these innovations are fine! I just think that the number of times they actually WORK, at least to my personal taste – and that IS ultimately the test here, just personal taste – is fairly small. As a result, over time I’ve started to get a little bit ANNOYED by Harley, because it almost feels like she’s sticking her nose in places she doesn’t need to be, and that the writers are playing with her in ways they really shouldn’t have tried. WITH THAT SAID…I know a lot of people disagree. If you’re a huge Harley fanboy or fangirl, and you love all these new trials, good for you! They clearly have to be pleasing somebody, and as long as it’s for the right reasons, enjoy what you will! I’ll just always take the original version any day over pretty much ANY of the reimaginings we’ve gotten since. Having stated all of that…I DO still find I love Harley, even if I’m frustrated with how she’s handled a lot of the time. She’s funny and fascinating; there’s a sort of sweetness and kindness to Harley, in most interpretations, that gives her a sense of being a “light in the darkness.” Despite that, she’s still capable of horrific acts; it often seems like Harley works best when she has someone to bounce off of – Joker, Poison Ivy, Killer Croc, Deadshot – and depending on who she is with and why, that often dictates what level of cruelty we can expect. In cases where Harley IS on her own, more or less, she still holds strong, being able to either show what a capable villain she is, or just being able to showcase her comedy. The reason so many people do so much with Harley Quinn is because you CAN do so much with Harley Quinn. So I do still feel her high placement here is personally justified; she’s flawed, but I still love her. She sort of shares that quality with our next entry on the countdown…but that’s another story. We’ve entered the Top Three! Tomorrow I’ll be covering my 3rd Favorite Batman Villain. HINT: “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Bat…How I Wonder What You’re At…?”

[zoobus]

Wait. I love storytelling opinions what do you say about female-targeted western monarchy-focused isekai?

Some weeks ago I tried to articulate the subgenres of isekai, though now I realize I was way out of my depth. Here's a few of my original thoughts, as well as crit @myself

RPG: technically this shouldn't count because nobody's being brought to a new world, but it has a lot of overlap what with isekai often being historical fantasy. Adjacent Often generic but it can be fun. Examples: Dungeon Meshi okay I wasn't wrong exactly, but I don't think I had the full picture (probably still don't). At this point, isekai is more a vibe than a concrete genre, which is why if someone said hey Mila what's a good isekai you'd recommend, I would say "The Villainess' Slow Prison Life Began With Her Broken Engagement please read this I just started and finished it today and I want an official translation so I can own a physical copy please I'm begging" even though there's no reincarnation, body swapping, realizing this is just a video game, alternate universes, or any other meta narrative that defines the genre. I guess you could say isekai is the subgenre of overarching historical fantasy. But these stories feel too closely tied to do that. Read Slow Prison Life.

Subversion and Deconstruction: hero is brought to another world. They may or may not be aware of the isekai genre. If they do, their knowledge will not help and may even hinder them. The stakes are high and the author has a lot to say about [society]. Examples: Re:Zero, Tanya the Evil IDK why I tried to write this point when I haven't seen either Re:Zero or Tanya the Evil. Also at this point you could call any isekai a "subversion deconstruction" why was I trying to sound like tvtropes

My Special Interest Can't Be This Sexy: hero is brought to another world and has a special skill, hyperfixiation, hobby, or social ability that makes them significant. This one seems to be the most popular and thus has the most range in quality and genres. You can find uncomfortably colonialist rhetoric (fantasy world attempts to invade ours but get stomped by Our Glorious Military and Guns coughGatecough), tepid analysis of society, or just general wish fulfillment with an unusual skill (an accountant is reborn and awakened as an otome game villain at her last destruction flag, becomes a business owner and mayor with all her capitalist skills - Koushaku Reijou no Tashinami). Lots of unintended implications and thinkinging, which can make even shitty ones interesting to analyze more deeply than it deserves once again, don't think I'm wrong here exactly, but I grossly underestimated and generalized this to the point of uselessness. If you're reincarnated to a new world, of course your prior skillset would matter. It deserves better analysis than this.

Nobody Appreciated My Greatness in the Real World but Now I Get Elf Thots: these suck. Masturbatory wish fulfillment, the likes of which should remain in one's chambers; low, if any, stakes; little connection between who the MC was before and who they are now. They are the chosen one without doing much, their endless power ensures conflict ends quickly and without consequence; There are. Titties. Everywhere. Thank you noble hero, please let us show our gratitude and carry you on our breasts to the fuck chamber. We definitely can't tell you were a kissless virgin wagecuck before. If you throw in phrases like "world-building" or "contemplative," 15 year olds will vehemently defend it because they don't know what those words mean yet. Example: That Time I Got Reincarnated as Slime, whatever the fuck this is

Nothing is crossed out for this one because I'm right.

Next time on isekai diaries: a flow chart on the "I was reincarnated as the antagonist in a historical, maybe magical, piece of fiction and I might be killed for it" subgenre plus the winners and losers of it

[septiembrre]

“well, it’s the thought that counts.” for brio!

I originally thought I was going to write some fluff and instead 1,500 words of angst came out. D: Read at your own risk! 

Scene setting: In the wake of 2x13, Beth has built her own business laundering money. But, now Rio’s back and he’s in her business, strongarming her for a few months. In the past week, Beth has been dealing with a series of thefts and the potential of a brewing turf war - and Rio has decided she’s no longer useful. 

—

In moments of despair, moments like this one, Beth catches herself wondering if her life is only a long lesson in disappointment.  The previous moments of despair are a familiar list: her distant, magical father and his disappearing act, her bewitched mother and her numbing neglect, her teenage years that should have been full of average adolescent angst, hormonal butterflies and exploration but instead where spent surviving being the sole provider for her family.  When she was younger, she had thought the list would end there but it continued in the blanketing quicksand of marriage to Dean and twenty years of quiet indignities and endless labor. She’s being self-pitying, she knows. There was also good. Good that reaches through her rich, grounding love for Annie, Ruby, and her children. Good existed for a handful of years, weeks, hours with Dean when there was some measure of happiness between them.  Good was in that conversation with her mother before she died, the one that echoes still. The one where Beth found herself with words slipping past her lips as a sleeping Annie rested on an uncomfortable chair in the corner of the hospital room.  It was a confrontation she hadn’t consciously prepared for but perhaps had written itself throughout her life. When she found that no more could come, her mother’s lips were trembling and the room was heavy with silence.

Her mom didn’t apologize. In the moment, the bitterness choked at her throat and she hoisted Annie on her hip and left. None of it was enough. But, when Beth had no more to say, mom had touched her shoulder and said “I didn’t intend for it to turn out like this.” She thinks back on it every now and then, picking it apart with renewed focus now that she’s a mother. The words echo and shape her as a parent. At the end of the day, she didn’t want a platitude -that it was the thought that counts- to be the sum of her relationship with her own children, to be the moral of the story at the end of her life. But, her life was an exercise in dissatisfaction and it was about to be over. Because this was finally happening.

It was the middle of the night and Rio had finally come to find her alone. His gun is raised on her.

The situation of guns between them has been a journey of its own. She feels wry and a little tender when she remembers an earlier time when she knew he would not harm her. But, today they are no longer those people.

When he pulls the trigger, he will hit her square in the chest and she knows with certainty she will die. Despite her tolerance for pain - tolerance earned through bringing four babies into the world, and bearing all of life’s disappointment - there would be no coming back from near-death for her. She knows it the way her kids names are tattooed in her bones, knows it the way she knows how to weave a story to make Ruby laugh until she cries, knows it like how she could trust Dean to never move the clean laundry from the washer to the dryer, knows it like how she quickly learned the rough exhale Rio made when she bit him at the hard line of his clavicle, the soft pad of thumb, the inside of his wrist. She knows with certainty that if he pulled the trigger, his experience and skill would hone true.

She squares her shoulders and lifts her chin, steeling herself for the blow- blows? When she can’t dismiss the panic rising in her throat, she reminds herself she did this same thing to him. Beth makes the decision that right now she is being brave.  Right now, she is going to be the best liar, and she tries to wrangle all of her emotions and shove them aside.  She doesn’t want to subject him to or indulge him in all of the melodrama of - whatever this was. A shooting, a murder, a kill. It was already awful enough the other way around and she wants this to be neat, dignified.  She gives him permission to earn his revenge. She accepts this. This makes sense - and truly it was the inevitable ending.

Beth doesn’t know who she was kidding when she thought she could earn money through crime and then be out. Or who she was kidding, when she approached Rio the first time, and then kept approaching him. Now, they’re here, and all of Ruby’s, Annie’s and even Dean’s warnings were right. She, in all of her hubris, was wrong. And she shot him first, so she can’t argue that she doesn’t deserve this.

But, in these past two years since the robbery at the grocery store, she has felt the most alive, the most present. She has utilized the most of herself and all of her skills and her tenacity. And she knows it’s selfish. Especially when she thinks about the kids, surrendered to a life with Dean as their only caregiver. But now at the end of all of this journey through crime and survival, she can’t lie. She can’t say it was all for them.  

This, her gaze locked to Rio’s, this was for her, too.

She is proud of how even her voice is when she says, “You should just do it.”

His jaw clenches and the movement travels up to his temples, like the frame of his face is one sharp line of tension. “‘Scuse me, darlin’?”

She braces herself and repeats it again.

His lips twist and he cocks his head. “You don’t think I will?” The look in his eyes makes her breath catch.

“I rather it be you.”

She doesn’t know what muscle in his face shifts but his expression takes a tinge of incredulity. Maybe his eyes are wider, like when he played up fake innocence on another difficult night, except this time it’s real. The emotion present on his face is unnameable to her still, but it’s present and a relief after all these weeks of restrained hostility. She feels compelled to explain to him.  

“I know it will mean something.”

Beth blinks back tears because this is not the time. She’s uncomfortable, embarrassed; she’s literally about to die, and she can’t help but notice how the tension of this moment coalesces with all of her childhood socialization from her mother and compels her to ease the pauses in their conversation.  It’s been two years, and she’s always struggled with where to let space lie with him.

She barrels on, “I know it matters to you.”

It does. It’s written all over his face as his sneer pulls at the edge of his mouth, his eyes wild.  And, of course, it does, even if only for the sheer satisfaction of avenging his pain and asserting his right as king in the hierarchy.  But, she sees that she has bothered him - she has definitely bothered him.  In the adrenaline of this moment, her eyes drink in his handsome face, made more vibrant with emotion and her brain that is always spinning, analyzes every nuance.  There’s so much in his eyes and she wonders if he’s ever hated her more. Well, he has to kill her now, if only to save them both from further mortification.

Does she deserve to be taken out by some too-big-for-his-britches man bidding for her kingdom through a turf war? Yes, so much of this - crime -  is completely out of her grasp and she knows as good as she is at her piece, despite her being the king of her piece, she’s not the same type of king as Rio and while she could try to figure out how to keep up in this new game, she doesn’t have the strategy, machinations,  or intuition to carry her all the way through.  This potential ending makes her sad and wonder mournfully what her life had been for to only to end there.  But, being taken out in by her nemesis, her former lover and the man she betrayed? It’s karmic, like the end to a well-written crime novel, where before she had only imagined herself as the victim and now she finds herself the villainess punished for bucking society and all of the misdeeds of being a bad girl. Knowing in her last moments that finally she was seen - brilliant and talented, as a real threat.  Worthy.

She can’t think on it too closely, but she just feels like this is such a better option. Wryness, irony, her ever faithful companions chime, ‘It’s the thought that counts’. And if she’s honest, somehow, someway she thinks Rio will murder her more respectfully. Intellectually, she realizes that is absolutely ridiculous, fucked up even, and maybe even self-hating. But the belief has roots deep in her subconscious and it’s been hard to dispel.

After a beat, he lowers the gun.

[alicentsstark]

Can You Build Me A Brother?

NOTE: This fic was requested by @disneyevilprincessblog , I changed it up a bit but nonetheless here it is an Athena & Eric fic ft. drakgo! Hope you enjoy it, also it’s pretty short... (also sorry if I somehow translated something wrong in Spanish, I’m always forgetful about how to write it which is ironic considering I can speak it fairly well for someone who’s forgotten how to for a few years. I swear guys I’m bilingual, my brain is just dumb) Anyway, enough about my attempts at writing in my somewhat native laguage, enjoy the story! 

"Can I have a baby brother?" Was the words that made Shego choke on her second cup of coffee. Drakken put down his newspaper and looked at the robotic teen who had the same stubborn expression that he had when working on a project. It was uncanny how much Athena had picked up their mannerisms of both him and Shego.

"So you want a twin?" Drakken asked only for Athena to shake her head.

"No way. Just a little brother, maybe a couple of years younger wouldn't be too bad?" She offered. "Please!" Bringing out the doe eyes knowing the mad scientist would say yes instantly. It was Shego who dug her heels in this plan.

"Are you sure you want a brother?" It wasn't what they thought, the part of taking care of another robotic child. It was the fact that Shego knew what it was like to have a sibling, three brothers and some tiny part of her didn't want Athena to go through a similar area. The girl nodded seriously. If there was one area of expertise that Shego had, it was having a young sibling, possibly the only sibling that Shego actually somewhat tolerated and cared. Mego and Hego... well they were another story. But her focus was on Athena, who had a very hopeful and determined expression on her face, that she really wanted a sibling. Looking over at Drakken, Shego knew she was already outnumbered all she could do was make sure robot-kiddie number 2 wouldn't explode when they made him through the final stages.

So they agreed and were greeted with cheers of excitement from Athena. She was already babbling about, "We need to pick a name for him!" and "It has to be a good name, not a boring name!" Which made Shego groan that the fact that she would have to search for a name once again. Drakken and Athena were already bouncing in their seats about what age they should make her new sibling. After much discussion and Shego drinking her third cup of coffee, they decided that a five-year-old would be a rather good age for a new robot.

Shego was reading lists of boy names online as Drakken muttered under his breath about the structure for said robot while they laid in bed together. Anthony? No. Luke? No. Marcos? No. Diego? No. Daniel? Oh, god no! 

All of those names sounded bad and she should know, considering one of them was the name of the character from Rebelde!

She was tempted to name the robotic boy after her dad or her older brother as a personal inside joke, considering he acted like a robot, but scratched that idea. She continued on with the name hunting until one caught her eye, after bouncing it around her head. It sounded good. She was going to tell Drakken but could already hear the soft snores from the man on her right side of the bed. She'll tell him tomorrow then.

"Eric?" Drakken said. Shego nodded while dumping a spoonful of sugar into her coffee. Athena munched on her cereal, looking at the villainess.

"I like it. Reminds me of Prince Eric from the Little Mermaid." She grinned. Shego made them think that's where she got it from and not from her younger brother's middle name... She wondered how soft she could get when it came to the people around her. Athena, Drakken, Wesley and now the new addition, Eric. God, next thing she'd know she'll be turning into her mom. Which wouldn't be a bad thing but... nobody would want to turn into their mom.

Soledad Bracamontes-Go was a woman that loved her family fiercely, someone that Shego looked up too. She wondered how her mom would react to the news that Shego had not one, but two children. No doubt her mom along with her dad would be ecstatic over the fact that they have grandkids to spoil. It would be wise to not tell them that they were robots... How can you even tell that sort of news to your half-Mexican family in the first place?

Hi Mami, hi Dad! So, good news I have two kids, their names are Athena and Eric, also their robots! See you at Navidad! 

Yeah, not really news to have for her parents. 

"Shego?" Athena looked at her. Shego blinked, noticing that she spaced out into her thoughts while the two of them were chatting away. "What?" She asked them.

"We'll need to decorate a new room for him. He'll need a cool color, like the rest of us. How about red?" She asked brightly. Drakken nodded and Shego wanted to scream. It felt like some universal karma that the second robotic child would no doubt have similarities to her family. Shego just shrugged and tried not to think about another little boy who wore red that once loved her.

When the time came for the awakening of the new family member, Drakken had Athena pull the lever. Electricity was felt through every nerve in her body as she watched the small form light up. When it was over, the robot's chest rose up and down. Taking a good look at him, she had to hand it to Drakken, he made Eric look a lot like Athena. Minus the hair color which was a bit darker similar to Shego's the boy's skin and facial was similar to Athena's. Some bone (or metal) structure differences but it was the same and when he opened his eyes, it was a pretty shade of hazel that stared back at the three people.

They named him Eric and after Athena changed him, she started to introduce the young boy to the others. "I'm Athena, your big sister." SHe pointed to Drakken. "That's Doctor Drakken, he's our... dad and that's Shego, our... mom? Welcome to the family!" Athena added cheerfully at the end. 

Drakken smiled at Eric, who waved and looked towards Shego. Without any warning, the young boy walked up, without a hint of fear looked up at the villainess and said, "Up!" Gesturing for her to pick him up. The mad scientist grinned while Athena smothered a giggle. Shego moved her jaw around before reluctantly bending down and picking Eric up.

It was a trial for the three of them, Eric wanting to either cling to Shego or with Drakken. Athena was there to show him the ropes of being a robotic looking human, while Drakken seemed to like having another boy, teaching Eric how to make a ray gun. Shego tried letting Athena and Drakken keep Eric entertained but the little robotic boy found her in her usual spot, on the couch watching tv. He would especially like to sit on her lap and snuggle, she didn't want to let him do that but it started to grow on her.

Today, Shego was watching a rather old telenovela while Eric was playing with her hair, braiding it and unbraiding one of her strands. It wasn’t a show that she would have watched back when she was a teen, it seemed right up her mom’s alley of telenovelas to watch, like The Rosa De Guadalupe or as Shego used to call it, The Most Dramatic-Cheesy Show To Ever Grace Television, right up there with Rubi. This one was another dramatic one (as any of them were) called Las Tontas No Van Al Cielo, granted she was only on the first episode but it was getting to the eye-rolling factor when the main girl decided to fake her death. Still, Shego was curious how this plot would play out, so decided to record the next few episodes before continuing to watch it.  After a while of watching the show, Drakken would find Shego stretched out on the couch while Eric laid on top of her, dead asleep while she watched the Mexican-Telenovela on TV. 

Shego noticed the older man, watching her while she was watching her show with Eric on top of her. She raised an eyebrow at the scientist, non verbally asking him, What?

"He's seemed to be fond of you Shego and you seem to be fond of him." Drakken smiled at her, watching the way Shego’s hand stroked Eric’s dark hair as he slept on top of her. "Shut up," she muttered.  She didn't want to tell them that she was slowly starting to be fond of their addition as well. But it was pretty obvious, just like her fondness for the rest of these dorks. 

Drakken didn’t say anything, instead, he left her alone humming some tune as he walked away. Shego looked at the little robot boy who seemed to worm his way into her heart. 

“Usted es afortunado que eres precioso Eric.” She murmured in Spanish before going back to watching her show. 

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Ready Player One review

People who say “The book is always better than the movie!” tend to be foolish people who view literature as an inherently flawless medium incapable of doing wrong. To say that, you need to ignore literature that is objectively better than the source material to the point even the authors prefer it, such as Fight Club, Jaws, and Who Framed Roger Rabbit, or films that greatly improved the work they’re adapting by trimming the fat, such as V for Vendetta and (oh boy I’m probably gonna get shit for this) The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Today’s film is one such film in the latter category, directed by a man behind one of the films mentioned in the former category, a film no one except me thought would be as good as it is: Ready Player One.

The book is easily one of the most contentious novels I’ve ever seen, a truly “love it or hate it” affair. I liked the novel; I read it when I was going through a really rough time back in 2012 or so, and a lot of its themes resonated with me. It’s a cheesy, charming book that unfortunately has a few really cringey bits of writing in it and unfortunately due to its medium spends a lot of time explaining references you wouldn’t see otherwise. I’d put the book on the same level as Eragon; it’s cheesy and has some dumb writing here and there, but overall it’s enjoyable. But even I realized a film could help trim a lot of the fat of this novel and polish it into something grand, and when I heard Spielberg was at the helm I slept a lot easier, figuring that would be the case.

And it was. This movie is a lot better than the book in most regards. But let’s look at the plot first:

In the year 2045, in a world where things seem bleak and joyless, people turn to the virtual reality world of the OASIS, where they can be anyone or anything they want. Its creator, a man named Halliday, created a contest for all the people of the OASIS to take part in after he died, in which the goal was to find the ultimate Easter Egg. Whoever found the three keys and then the Easter Egg would become rich, powerful, and most importantly they would own the OASIS. Wade Watts, known in the OASIS as Parzival, is an average guy who eventually stumbles across the answer of how to get the first key. But he’s not the only person gunning after the prize; the corporation IOI and its douchey head honcho Nolan Sorrento are after total control so they can spam ads and basically make the place a microtransaction nightmare. Can Wade, with the help of his best pal Aech, his love interest Art3mis, and his buddies Daito and Sho manage to stop IOI or is this end of line for the users?

WARNING: THERE’S GONNA BE SPOILERS BELOW.

So I’m gonna go over some of the things I didn’t like in the adaptation first, which honestly mostly amount to nitpicks. The diminished importance of Rush is a bit sad, though it’s kind of understandable since all of the challenges were streamlined and simplified for the movie. That doesn’t suck as much to me as the complete cutting of the Ladyhawke segment, as this book is what introduced me to that movie and I was hoping to see some reference to it. Changing up Aech the way they did kind of diminishes the impact of her reveal, and speaking of which, a lot of characters and backstory are glossed over or ignored, most egregiously Ogden Morrow. The book went into a bit more detail into Morrow, co-creator of the OASIS, and Halliday’s relationship, but in the film Morrow is seemingly shunted aside for much of the film. I don’t think any of this really ruins the film per se, but it certainly makes it a different beast from the book.

Now, time to sing the praises of this film: the visuals are stunning. The OASIS is a major focus of the movie, as it should be, and we get to see so many creative visuals and ideas take place, as well as insane amounts of crossover characters. You’d need to freeze frame every single crowd shot to catch them all; just watching it as I did I saw Duke Nukem, Jason Voorhees, the Battletoads, Hello Kitty, Harley Quinn, the Joker, Batman, and more among the crowds. It’s a lot like Wreck-It Ralph in that regard. Frankly, I kind of wish the entire film was just in the OASIS, because all of it is just so fascinating and fun and visually appealing… special props need to go to the extended trip into The Shining, which was recreated with eerie accuracy up until the parts where things go off the rails. I think this movie may be Spielberg’s greatest achievement visually speaking.

The parts of the film that take place in the real world aren’t nearly as good, but I don’t think they were necessarily bad either. They definitely had their good moments, and they certainly helped progress the plot forward as well as being important to the film’s overall message of “Don’t ignore reality in favor of escapism, because reality is where what’s most important really is.” And a good message that is, especially in today’s day and age. Still, some of the acting in the real world can be wonky, mostly whenever Wade is having romantic moments with Samantha AKA Art3mis. They do get better as the film progresses, but their romance arc in this movie is easily a weak point with how rushed and awkward it is. Guess Ernest Cline’s co-writing credit is really shining through there.

Our main characters themselves are all fairly well done, in OASIS and outside of it, though again, Wade and Samantha’s relationship in reality is a bit awkwardly written, and it’s not much better in the OASIS though there’s some more cool visuals to help you stomach things, but overall those two are enjoyable protagonists. Aech is still as cool as ever, though I am a bit disappointed they changed her character so much it made the impact of learning she’s a black lesbian (the latter fact is there but glossed over) a lot less impactful, as instead of her avatar being a white dude, it’s a hulking cyborg ogre. Still, I can’t deny Aech is still as cool as ever. Daito and Sho are also cool and have their roles expanded a bit from the book. Better yet, Daito does not get killed, so no awkward seppuku references that will make you cringe!

The villains are pretty cool too. First up is the OASIS insider I-R0k, played by T.J. Miller in his first act of penance for The Emoji Movie. It’s so fucking funny seeing this hulking, menacing death lord with skulls and shit all over him talk in the most nerdy voice imaginable. Still, he manages to shockingly be a menacing and capable threat, unlike his lame book counterpart. Then w e have the new villainess, F’Nale Zandor, a new character created for the film who serves as big bad Nolan Sorrento’s right-hand woman, acting out his evil schemes in the real world. She’s pretty cool and badass, and plays her role well enough; she’s sort of like a low-tier Bond henchman. Then we have Nolan himself, and while he is a stereotypical 80s corporate villain – a fact that even he lampshades – it’s hard not to appreciate a villain whose online avatar looks like Senator Armstrong and who calls forth Mechagodzilla as his ride in the final battle.

Speaking of the final battle, it is absolutely epic, but there has been a bit of contention due to the inclusion of the Iron Giant, and how it somehow goes against the non-violent themes of his titular movie. Well, you can rest easy in knowing that it’s just a giant mecha being piloted by Aech, and mostly what it’s doing is protecting everyone else from Mechagodzilla. The Iron Giant vs. Mechagodzilla is the greatest matchup I never knew I wanted.

Spielberg managed to do exactly what I expected him to do: he distilled everything that was good about the book, filtered out what didn’t work, and made a fun movie out of it. I can’t really justify totally calling this a style over substance film like I could with Batman v Superman or Miss Peregrine’s, because there actually is enough substance here to be serviceable and it has a very good message about the dangers of escapism and how allowing corporations to take away the neutrality of things is bad, but it’s definitely a movie you’re gonna wanna see for all the visuals more than anything. It’s a lot like Doctor Strange in that regard.

This is a great movie. Yes, great. If you love some really fucking cool visuals and can handle tons of cheese, this is the film for you. Honestly, it’s weird, but I’d really recommend this to everyone who disliked the book; you may find in a lot of ways that this is the book done RIGHT. As for people who love the book, this may be very much a love or hate affair; me, I loved it. I honestly can’t wait to watch it again and see what other secrets and cameos I pick up on, and just to bask in the glorious visuals of the OASIS. Leave it to Spielberg to polish something like Ernest Cline’s writing and produce a diamond, or at least a gemstone of significant value. It’s not a perfect film at all, but it IS a fun, enjoyable, and exciting one… kinda like a lot of the 80s films that inspired it.

[cdc1345711]

Cartoon-Force/My Hero Academia Crossover:Prison Massacre

(Note this is a story before the events of the Raid and the Peace talks-starting with the Cartoon-Force making their first appearance to the world of My Hero Academia wanting to leave a BIG message to the League of Villains and any other wannabe villains out there-enjoy)

(At a maximum state prison-housing the most horrible of villains-ones who attacked Thirteen’s USJ and the Hero Camp-were locked up for life or early parole.............until now)

Guard 1:So got any plans for after work?”

Guard 2:Got my daughter’s ballet recital tonight-said I’d be there”

Guard 1:How old is she now-3?”

Guard 2:6 actually and still cute as a button”

Guard 1:Usually are.....”

(But before more chatter can be made the lights flicker on and off)

Guard 2:What the.......?”

Guard 1:Probably just the rain-messes up the tech”

Guard 2:But-the weather didn’t call for rain........”

(And the power finally comes off and the 2 guards see out in the halls as other guards are being transported)

Guard 2:What the Hell is that?(Then he sees his fellow officer dragged into whatever is transporting them)WAKANOMI?????!!!!!”

Guard 1:I’m sinking fast kid......″

(And finally the last guard is transported-but instead of inside a volcano or in the sky every guard is on an island-far away from the prison-many guards are asking if it’s a villain attack but others say if it were than they wouldn’t be alive-this.............this was something else)

Muscular:Looks like the joint is all ours(activates his quirk)and these quirk nullifying necklaces have run out of juice”

Mustard:Let’s bust this joint.....I plan to get even with those UA brats”

Muscular:Me too”

(Every criminal makes it outside-the swimmers head for the water,the ground prisoners run out and the flyers fly but once they reach the prison walls-intending to break it-is blasted by what they perceive to be an energy weapon-and out of the smoke a bunch of shadowy figures become known)

Inmate:I’m guessing you’re the guys who did all this? did the League of Villains sent you to save us?”

(One of them just looks down at the prisoners with what can be said is an unfeeling expression)

Inmate:(Kinda getting scared)Is.......is this a rescue”

(The same person open his beak and utters the words in a cold,quiet,kinda creepy tone)

‘No’

(Then in mere seconds the figures with guns shoot down the prisoners)

Jerome:You heard our orders C-Force-Boss says not to let any of these pricks alive”

Muscular:I just gained my freedom-no way am I gonna(then a leg falls down near his feet)What the........good God”

(The sky rains blood and body parts from the flying villains)

Inmate:They......they just cut them down to pieces”

Carbon Villain:So let’s get them-the faster we kill them the faster we are to freedom”

(The villains attack the ones dubbed ‘C-Force’  in hopes of freedom-while below in the waters)

Aqua Villain:Ha-while those nimrods are busy being slaughtered we’ll be off Scott free”

Shark Villain:Hell yeah”

(But as the water themed villains reach the open waters they too are attacked-swiftly and without mercy)

Tiburone:Isn’t it sad not one of these bastards can put up a good fight?”

Slammu(Street Sharks):Yeah-but beating them is always fun”

(In less than a mili-second the water is painted red in blood-and on top side)

Pig-Gun Villain:It’s no use we can’t fight these guys-our bullets just either bounce off or are ineffective”

Gun Finger villain:Yeah”

Mustard:(Who sees the blasted down doors unguarded)No ones at the door c’mon,anyone who doesn’t want to die today follow me”

(The small villains make it to the outside)

Mustard:(Reveling in the outside air)I see the boats we’re home fr-(he is shot in the head)”

Gun Finger Villain:WHAT THE...... ?????(And he and the other escaped prisoners are shot in the head)”

(Because in the distance a Banana Slug with both eye stalks in 2 sniper guns shot anyone down before they escaped)

Talon:Nice shooting Slink-”

Slinkman:Thank-you and Kludd weren’t so bad hacking those Flyers to bits either-how’re our guys doing?”

Kludd:Still beating the bad guys........and gals”

(A gorilla armed villainess charges at a cyborg man only to be caught in his grip)

004:Sorry chick(snaps her neck)you chose the wrong target”

Inmate:Let’s get the dog.......”

Jerome:Speaking of ‘choosing the wrong targets’(he pops out his claws and starts slicing the villains to pieces)RAAAAAAAAAWR”

(Muscular was fighting an African American with unbreakable skin)

X:You killed those water hose heroes and tried to kill that Midoriya kid right?-then buddy this is gonna be fun.......(he continues to pummel Muscular)”

(Inside not all villains and villainesses left the gate-some stayed because they wanted redemption-and once the CFs entered inside they left those prisoners be)

(Outside again)

Jerome:Hit them fast and hit them hard boys-no one left standing”

‘HEY BITCH-BOY!!!!!!!”

(A villain lunges at Jerome only to be hit by a knife to the forehead)

Jerome:(Turns to see who threw the knife)You.........(seeing it was none other than-.......)”

Stain:I take it you got a boss who sent you here to ‘kill’ us all right?”

Jerome:Only those who were in the League of Villains with no shot of redemption(looking at Stain’s hands gripping his knives and he readies his claws)wanna bring it on boy bring it on.....”

(Instead he flings his knife at another inmate)

Stain:You don’t follow the laws of our society,you are not one of those fake heroes-so for now i’m your ally”

Jerome:Fine by me blades”

(He and Stain walk to meet up with the others)

Ozzy:(Blasting down baddies)How’s Jerry doing?”

Eric:(Using his telepathy)He’s fine-he’s actually got Stain with him”

Ozzy:He on the list?”

T-Bone(Extreme Dinosaurs):Yes(as he snaps the necks of 4 prisoners)”

Ozzy:Okay-hope he doesn’t stab any of us”

Black Dynamite:(Inside the base)Moonfish is dead”

Eric:Good job BD-and Tiburone and the sky boys called in their posts are clear too”

X:I still got this ass-hole(holding the head of Muscular now looking like battered and beaten underground pit fighter)thought he could help ‘send the message’ to his old friends”

Eric:Yes-but after we’re done here”

(And hour has passed since the attack and the news has already arrived)

Newscaster:I am here on a scene as a maximum state prison was under attacked-luckily no guards were harmed but(sees the prison)oh dear God(the side of the prison hangs the dead bodies .......and written in their own blood was ‘LoV is NEXT!!!!’)what....what I can describe ladies and gentleman is a house of horrors littered with the dead bodies of the villains behind the USJ and Hero Camp attacks-oh gawd-how this happened we go no.....”

‘I do......’

(A prisoner walks out and tell them what he saw)

Inmate:A group of heavily armed and very strong guys came in and massacred everyone from the skies,ground and seas-wanting to send this to you(it was a DVD and due to her curiosity the newscasters played it-showing a man in a black and red suit and wolf mask)

‘Charles:Hello-I am Knight Raider and this is the ‘Cartoon-Force’ we’v observed the horrid deeds your criminals have committed especially this piece of shit right here(his group brings out Muscular)we won’t talk long only to say that the age of villains is gone,anyone wishing to join the ‘League of Villains’ has sent their death warrant and will be given two choices-stay down or be put down-as for the league themselves-Shigaraki,Dabi,Toga,Twice,Compress,Kurogiri,Spinner and Magne-like the blood of the dumbasses that joined you wrote ‘You’re Next!!!!’ as for any other wannabe villain the same applies,and the heroes,stay out of our way,we’re dishing justice our way to make the world a better place-see ya now(they show the one named X pinning Muscular to the wall with metal pipes)’

Newcasters:As you’ve seen it folks there are new players on the field-Knight Raider and his Cartoon-Force are now on the loose-what will happen next-stay tuned for more”

(Charles turns off the TV)

Artemis:Was slaughtering all those villains real necessary?”

Charles:Yes-it’s to show that there’s people out there stronger than the League of Villains who don’t give two shits about putting them down-All-For-One’s world will dies”

Artemis:And Shigaraki-you plan to kill him too?”

Charles:Kill? no no no no-just to hurt him so hard he never wants to fight again-or even think about it-(walks outside to see his workers move their vehicles and guns)because now it’s time to bring out some much needed justice”

THE END

[comicsinsight-blog]

An Ant of a Man

As celebrity after celebrity falls into public scandal over allegations of assault and harassment against women, it seems prudent to revisit the controversial case of Dr Henry “Hank” Pym; the original Ant-Man. In 1981 Jim Shooter ran a controversial story about the “hero,” culminating with Avengers #213, in which Pym strikes his wife (Janet Van Dyne AKA the Wasp) in the face. It was an issue that would live in infamy.

Since its publication, Shooter has disavowed the scene as accidental- blaming a misinterpretation of his script on the artist for the panel in question. He has stated that Hank Pym is “not a wife-beater,” which, whether he believes that or not, is easily refutable. Attempts have been made to retcon this story, to vindicate Hank Pym with excuses of mental illness or mind control, but ultimately they cannot. Interestingly, we see the same apologism applied to the infamous domestic abusers of today.

Understand first that Pym was not a wildly popular character. In the course of his career with the Avengers he was frequently “revamped” with either power upgrades or costume changes. Nothing seemed to stick. Shortly preceding this story, Ant-Man (AKA Goliath at the time) had rebranded himself again to “Yellowjacket" after suffering a nervous breakdown. Pym had the not-so-original distinction of being a genius inventor as well as a super-powered crusader and in this he was maybe fourth ranked, behind Reed Richards, Tony Stark, and Bruce Banner at least.

Very rarely did he save the day and he was often defeated in battle. Pym was responsible for the construction of Ultron, an artificial intelligence that proved to be one of the team's worst enemies. As Shooter himself pointed out, Janet, by contrast, was good at everything and took effortlessly to the superheroic lifestyle. In short, he just kinda sucked.

So, when the crushing weight of Dr Hank Pym’s inferiority complex finally made him snap, who did he take it out on? Women- and I can back that up, literally, by examining the previous issue. In issue #212, Pym establishes a pattern of abuse. When they are late for a meeting at the Avengers Mansion, Hank becomes furious with Janet because she's taking too long to get ready. To express his frustration, he fires a potentially deadly weapon at her:

Now, I'm pretty sure this qualifies as domestic abuse already. I mean, imagine this was a gun or an assault rifle instead of some goofy sci-fi blaster. By firing it at her in close quarters like that he is casually threatening her life. Whether he wants to harm her or not, she could be harmed and that's his true desire, to instill fear.

Hank proceeds to the meeting, where he rants at his teammates about being marginalized as a founding member while the Wasp grows increasingly concerned with his state of mind. Later, they end up in a battle with some magical villainess and Hank desperately tries to prove his valiance on the field. Finally, just as Captain America is about to talk their antagonist down non-violently, the courageous Yellowjacket shoots her in the back.

“What? Did you say something, Cap? I didn't hear you. Must be this new costume, heh…” The team is so appalled that they decide to court-martial Pym over it, which is the subject of the subsequent issue, the one at hand.

After the hearing is set, Cap and Iron Man both reflect on Ant-Man’s fate. Cap remembers a time in the war when he almost harmed a civilian child and Stark wonders how anyone could get over creating a death machine like Ultron. Really, though he doesn't outright say so, Iron Man is comparing Ant-Man to himself- for he too is a designer of dangerous weapons. The writing on Shooter's part here is quite good, as their different perspectives on this character give insight into their own. It's hard for me to believe that any part of this was a “mistake.”

Later, after trying to talk him into bed and being rejected, Wasp steals into her husband's lab to sneak a peek at his secret project. When he discovers her there he is very upset, which is important, because it establishes that he didn't want to clue her in:

By now he's basically a full-blown supervillain. His project, the one he's been working on in secret, is a killer adamantium robot designed to take out his fellow Avengers. The plan was to attack them during his court-martial before they could formally expel him. Then, in the heat of battle, Pym himself would strike the victory blow, having built a weak spot into the robot’s frame. The Avengers would be so impressed by this that they forget all about him shooting an unarmed woman in the back.

Well, Janet isn't impressed, so what does this “Goliath” of a hero do? He just attacks his own unsuspecting wife right there with his new indestructible kill-bot:

For the record, that's four acts of violence against women already and we haven't even gotten to the panel yet. Here it is, the shot Shooter says was misfired, the one Sienkiewicz allegedly lamented upon, the one that they didn't have time to redo before it went to the presses, the one for which so many excuses are made:

Dude, F@¢# Henry Pym, dude. Seriously.

So, how was this inaccurately depicted? Jim Shooter said “Hank is supposed to have accidentally struck Jan while throwing his hands up in despair and frustration”. I find that unlikely.

In the final pages, Hank brings Janet to his hearing wearing sunglasses to hide her black eye. Iron Man then states that all active members of the Avengers have to be present according to official policy. The more I think about it, there is no other reason for him to say this than to establish that Janet would have been in the room anyway, even if she hadn't discovered her husband's plot. Hank then tries to blame Cap for the incident but nobody buys it and he deploys his diversion:

The automaton attacks the Avengers, once again putting Janet in deliberate physical danger which was clearly his plan all along. There was never a time where this scheme didn't involve harming his wife in some way. We are to believe that he shoots at his wife, tries to crush her with his fist and lets a murderous drone loose on her twice, purposefully, but when he slapped her in the face that one time it was unintentional.

So if it wasn't an error, then why did Jim Shooter say it was? Well, his side of the tale comes from an article he wrote in 2011 in which he asserts that “Ant-Man is not a wife-beater”. According to him, he was already receiving angry letters over the story before it was finished. He recalls talking to a psychologist on a plane about the characters and their hangups. Perhaps this stranger gave him the idea and he doesn't want to admit it.

These comics were published under the CCA, which held to a strict standard of moral clarity where heroes were not to do “evil” things. It is quite possible they required Shooter's explanation as a cover at the time for violating those standards of publication.

My favorite plausible motive though, is that he just hated the character. Pym was redundant, he was unpopular, and his “sidekick” was more compelling than he was. He was a failure, not just as a superhero, but as a concept. What if Shooter couldn't get permission to kill Ant-Man? What if he knew that even if he did, the editors would just miraculously resurrect him, as happens so often in comics. Unlike similar protagonists, Hank Pym has never redeemed himself for these misdeeds in the eyes of the reader. His exile stuck.

What if Shooter just had a really good story to tell, one that raised awareness about domestic abuse, one that challenged the tone of the medium and one that ended in a tragedy they'd never let him print in a million years? What if he just got sick of angry letters?

In a final cop-out, he claims not to have even written the end of the story himself.

Oh, you probably want to know the end of the story, huh? Despite designing it with a deliberate flaw, Ant-Man is bested by his own creation. Like Ultron, this robot defeats the whole team and, once again, he is responsible; except this time he doesn't have a justification. This time he endangered them because he's weak, because he's insecure and because he's objectively worthless. Then, moments before the android can dispatch him with a direct blow:

That's right, Janet freakin’ Van Dyne saves the day. Of course, Hank despairs and is expelled from the Avengers immediately, but in the end he finally, sadly, admits that it wasn't his failures that really bothered him, it was Janet's success. In this panel he erases all doubt that he is a violent misogynist, more than any other preceding it. This is where he truly proves to be an ant of a man:

In the end, Janet realizes what everyone around her has been saying for years- that she can do better than this douchebag. She divorces him instantly and returns to the Avengers without him, a sidekick no more. Wasp confidently nominates herself for chairperson and is unanimously voted their new leader. She becomes a badass in her own right, as opposed to the easily captured damsel. It didn't usher in a new era of feminism in comics or anything and it would still be decades before mature themes like these were more commonplace in them, but it did begin a new era for the Wasp and it is the heroism she exhibited afterwards that defines her to this day.

Regardless of any errors in publication the message of this arc is clear; if the ant-men of the world won't make way for the wasps, they're liable to end up with a sting in their pride. This is probably one of the most important books of its time and, in my opinion, Jim Shooter should be proud of himself for having had the guts to push a subject like this past the censors. If you ask me, the only mistake he made was recanting it.

[zrtranscripts]

Season 6, Mission 1: King of My Castle

Hiding in plain sight

[static]

REPORTER: Today marks the ninth month of peace between the warring factions across the United Kingdom. The Minister for Recovery, Sigrid Hakkinen, issued a statement today expressing her satisfaction with the current ceasefire and her hopes that peace talks regarding a final settlement will soon resume.

SAM YAO: Ha. Peace talks.

MAXINE MYERS: Sam! We need to hear if it's today!

SAM YAO: Well, all I'm saying is she wouldn't know peace talks if a dove wearing a white poppy stabbed her in the eye with an olive branch.

REPORTER: Zombie movements today are erratic. Sectors 7 through 12 should not attempt any non-essential journeys. The wall remains unbreached. The train service through the demilitarized zone will continue to operate for key personnel only.

JODY MARSH: Have we heard anything from Lobatse?

SAM YAO: No, not since she told us it might be today. Too dangerous to send more intel, I guess. Ellie Maxted's been working with the Laundry, but even so, it's hard to get information out.

MAXINE MYERS: If it's not today, are Five and the others going to wait until dark in London and then come home?

SAM YAO: Have to. We'll only get one shot at this.

REPORTER: And we're just receiving news from the Ministry of a late breaking story. We go live now to the Minister herself, Sigrid Hakkinen.

[crowd shouts]

SIGRID HAKKINEN: After a closed trial, Jamie Skeet, formerly King Jamie of the United Kingdom, has been sentenced to death for crimes against the British people.

SPECTATOR: Death to traitors!

SIGRID HAKKINEN: Skeet's outrages, treachery, and lies have been without parallel. He has collaborated with enemy agents. He has attempted to corrupt the people with vile propaganda. He has withheld vital information from the people's agencies and committees.

[drumroll] As the sun sets, I sentence you to death by firing squad, Skeet, to be carried out summarily as the true justice of the people. And may God have mercy on your soul. [drumroll] Ready? Aim. Fire!

[squad fires, crowd cheers]

SAM YAO: And that's your cue, Runner Five. You've got 30 minutes until Jamie's coffin hits the incinerator. You have to rescue Jamie, and your target's on the move. Head along that roof, and over to the next building. Run!

[gunshots]

MAXINE MYERS: Who's shooting?

SAM YAO: It's just a couple of people in that spontaneous rally against the traitor Jamie, letting off guns.

MAXINE MYERS: Oh. We waste ammunition on that, now?

SAM YAO: Well, they do. Still, they're lighting that after-dark rally with flaming torches. I guess that's apocalypse frugal. Okay, runners. I've got your target on long-range cams. Aguilar's heading west and south towards the Barbican.

JODY MARSH: That any good for us?

SAM YAO: No. Covered in cameras, and Sigrid's people are everywhere. Cameras are good for me and bad for us. If we're going to get that key off Aguilar, we have to do it somewhere we won't be spotted. If we don't have that key, we can't get into the power station to rescue Jamie. And we're running out of time.

JODY MARSH: Yeah. I'm sorry this is all so hard, runners. This whole thing's been touch and go all the way through. Dr. Lobatse and Ellie Maxted, the historian, made contact with Abel sympathizers working at Sigrid's head office. Steve supplied blanks to the firing squad. Lobatse got the palace doctor to smuggle Jamie blood packs to explode as they fired, and they're going to incinerate the body unless you get there quickly.

SAM YAO: All right. And Aguilar's got the key we need for the back door. So, runners, you've got to keep eye line on him. When he goes off my screen, that's when you get him. Paula?

PAULA COHEN: On it. I'm tailing him through the park. Peter?

PETER LYNNE: Yup. I'm on a parallel road.

SAM YAO: Five, keep high for now. We need everyone in position. [sighs] All right. This is going to be tricky. Five, you're going to run out of roof in a minute, but there's scaffolding around the outside of that next building. You can run, jump, grab it, and make your way around the outside of those three office buildings. See it?

Crap. There are a couple zombie builders up there. Okay, you can outrun them if you keep moving fast. If we lose Aguilar, we lose any chance to get Jamie back. Run!

SAM YAO: All right. All right. Five, you've shaken off those zombie builders. By which I mean they've actually fallen off that shaky bit of scaffolding into that coal dump.

MAXINE MYERS: Who'd have thought Sigrid would get the mines open again?

SAM YAO: Return to the past - it's a vote-winner.

JODY MARSH: Five, can you just crawl onto that like, sticky-out bit of wood to get a good view of the city?

SAM YAO: Right. Yeah. If you position your spare camera there, we'll have a perfect vantage point on the city.

[camera whirs]

JODY MARSH: Five, we're going to need you to head towards the new Wakened Heights train station. Your mark is on the move. Use the steps to your right to climb down from the scaffolding now.

PETER LYNNE: All right, I really don't want to be Mr. Pessimism here, but we're sure that Jamie actually is alive, are we?

JODY MARSH: Dr. Lobatse was certain. The Laundry have been working on it. There are plenty of people in Sigrid's territory who sympathize with Abel, but there's nothing we can do to help them. Sigrid keeps absolutely to the letter of her treaties with us, and we don't want a war any more than she does. That's why this has to be secret. A lot of people have worked very hard to make this happen.

PAULA COHEN: And you masterminded it. Don't forget that bit, Jody.

JODY MARSH: Yeah, well, I expect Janine would have come up with something more elegant. It was all I could do at short notice.

PETER LYNNE: Janine would have patted you at least once on the back for this and you know it. When she gets back from whatever important undercover mission she assigned herself to months ago, I expect she'll give us all pats on the back for keeping calm and carrying on.

JODY MARSH: Cool it, soldier. The plan hasn't worked yet. [whispers] Aw, crap.

SAM YAO: What? Oh, right. Yeah. Uh, Five, the mark's obviously been instructed to mix up his route to work. He's heading, um, yeah, through the train station. Did you know that was going to happen, Jody?

JODY MARSH: It was one of the possibilities I explored. Mr. Yao.

SAM YAO: [laughs] It's like she's in the room sometimes, you know?

JODY MARSH: Five, there are trains coming from your left and right. We can't wait for them to go past. Aguilar's heading towards a camera dead zone. This might be our only chance. You need to run across the train tracks.

SAM YAO: Yeah, which is only appropriate because it's a zombie apocalypse. I remember those public safety films.

[train crossing bell rings]

JODY MARSH: Well, since it is the zombie apocalypse, Five, get across those tracks before the trains. Run!

[train horn sounds]

[train horn honks]

SAM YAO: Whoa! You made it, Five! [sighs] Bloody hell, that was tense.

JODY MARSH: All right, runners. You should have visual contact with each other now.

PAULA COHEN: I've got you, Peter. By that cafe.

PETER LYNNE: Yes. I'm standing by a cafe, which, in the zombie apocalypse circumstances, feels weird. Don't these people know there's a war on?

PAULA COHEN: Aguilar's headed in your direction. I'll position myself behind him. You shoot the tranquilizer dart, Peter. I'll catch him, sit him down, get the key.

JODY MARSH: Key should be in his inside pocket to the left.

PAULA COHEN: Understood. Five, you'll be ready to take it from me in case I'm searched.

SAM YAO: Uh, yeah, looks like you're coming into the dead zone now. Yeah. Got no cams on that side of the station, which means Sigrid has none either. No evidence we were ever here.

PETER LYNNE: All right. I'm going to take the shot. Three, two, one--

PASSERBY: Oi, watch out.

PASSERBY: Oh! My suitcase!

PETER LYNNE: Oh, crap!

SAM YAO: What? What happened? Did you miss?

PAULA COHEN: He spotted one of us. Me, or Peter, or both. Not sure. He tipped over a pile of luggage. He's running. Five, he's heading towards that rally. You're the closest. Get after him!

[crowd shout]

RALLIER: And the land will waken and swallow its enemies!

SAM YAO: [sighs] Crap. Now, I've got cams in that rally, but it's like finding a needle in a haystack. Where is he?

PAULA COHEN: Yeah. Why couldn't he have worn a red and white striped shirt and some natty blue trousers to help us in this situation?

PETER LYNNE: At least he's not wearing one of those Wakened Land shirts with the flaming sword on it. I mean, villainess cliché style alert!

JODY MARSH: They wear them to show loyalty towards Sigrid. They're'll be secret police in this crowd making sure everyone shows loyalty. She's been accepted as leader by the majority of her people. It doesn't really matter now whether there's dissent. She's the ruler.

PAULA COHEN: I think I see him. Sam, Jody, the man over to the east of Smithfield Market, weaving through the crowd, heading north? He's just under the big effigy of Jamie now.

SAM YAO: Yes! That's him. Oh, right. He's heading for the military checkpoint. All of you, you need to intercept him behind the toffee apple stand. Go! Run!

[crowd shouts]

RALLIER: Death to traitors!

JODY MARSH: All right. Pincer movement. Five, come in behind Aguilar. Peter from the left, Paula from the right. We don't have time to worry about the cameras. Just grab him!

PETER LYNNE: I've got the trank dart.

PAULA COHEN: Mr. Aguilar? I've just been sent to stop you here because we need to talk to you about something very important.

AGUILAR: Huh?

PETER LYNNE: Uh, yes. It's very important that I just poke you with this, and-- ah.

[AGUILAR collapses]

PAULA COHEN: Five, catch him. He'll be sleeping that off for hours. [key jingles] And yes, here's the key in his pocket.

PETER LYNNE: Uh, excuse me. Uh, everyone, ah, uh, our friend here has fainted from all of the excitement at the death of King Jamie! Yes, we are all very excited! Death to traitors! [crowd cheers] Etc, etc. Can we just-- we're just going to put him on that bench there. Okay? Thank you, thank you.

SAM YAO: Okay, guys, you've got a clear run through to Bankside Power Station now. You've got to get there before Jamie's coffin hits the incinerator. We're running out of time. Go! Run!

PETER LYNNE: Bankside Power Station. Looks different to when it was an art gallery. Actually, do you think Sigrid still has the art in there? Like, she signs her disappearance certificates while staring at a nice Mondrian.

PAULA COHEN: I think it's all locked up in the basement. The stuff she hasn't burned for being deviant and subversive art.

PETER LYNNE: Deviant and subversive art is the only art that's worth making.

[door opens]

PAULA COHEN: All right. Aguilar's key worked. We're in. Now we've got to get to those maintenance crew uniforms. Along this corridor, down the stairs. Five, you lead the way. Run!

PETER LYNNE: Yeah, all right, mate. You can just leave that coffin here. We'll take it through to the incinerator. We're new crew, sent in special by the Ministry. We'll, uh, all have beers later, yeah?

PAULA COHEN: No time for a chat. Got a job to do. Five, get that door closed. [door clatters shut] Peter, you unscrew this end of the coffin. I'll get the other. [drill whirs]

SAM YAO: We're sure this worked, right? One false move and Jamie might not have been facing blanks.

JODY MARSH: We trust our allies. That's all we've ever been able to do!

SAM YAO: [imitates JANINE DE LUCA] Mr. Yao.

JODY MARSH: Yeah, yeah, all right. Enough of that, Sam. Get that coffin lid off, guys.

[coffin lid creaks]

PAULA COHEN: He's covered in blood. He looks--

JAMIE SKEET: Oh, bloody hell. You lot took your time! Thought I'd be cooked. Paula, it's really good to see you, man. Five, you're a sight for sore eyes, and that's the truth! Come on, help me out of here.

PETER LYNNE: Uh, I am Peter.

JAMIE SKEET: Nice to meet you, mate. Five, you brought me a headset! [laughs] Feels good to have this on again. Sam, Janine, you there?

JODY MARSH: Jamie, get those overalls on. In 30 seconds, I want you heading out of that side door. You'll just look like a maintenance crew. Blend in with the crowd and head for the wall. You'll be on our side and safe and sound in a few minutes.

SAM YAO: Have to say, Jody, this has basically worked out like clockwork. I mean, Janine would – if she were here – she'd definitely tell you you'd done quite well.

JODY MARSH: She'd give me a list of 50 things I forgot to do and you know it. All right, runners. Side door now. It's fully dark out there, and that'll help you be inconspicuous.

PETER LYNNE: When I open the door, we head left. Fast as we can, okay, King Jamie?

JAMIE SKEET: Got it.

[door opens, alarm sounds]

PAULA COHEN: Oh, bugger.

JODY MARSH: Has someone spotted you?

PETER LYNNE: Well, if the giant search lights are anything to go by, that would be a guess.

[sm0rches]

Trouble in the Tropics (a Jane Bond story pt. 4)

(part 1) (part 2) (part 3)

On an island somewhere in the Caribbean, one of the world's most cunning villainesses lounges—a stunningly beautiful woman in a white bikini who calls herself Ms. Blanche. Her secret resort is a small slice of paradise: dazzling waves tinted sapphire and turquoise gently hug its creamy shore, while a balmy breeze rustles the palm trees and the feathers of nesting gulls. She won it in a drinking match against a Hungarian prince and soon after had it redesigned to suit her needs. Though it was rather small, she somehow managed to have a great, white mansion of cubist design built on it, accompanied by a miniature waterfall for optimum relaxation.

The sun always shone on Pearl Island, yet there was a storm on its way nevertheless with Jane Bond and Esther Merald en route.

Steering their speedboat like a fine white steed, 007 stood proudly at the helm, her golden locks perfectly tousled in the salty wind. The sleeves of her silk blouse were rolled up,  displaying long arms and creamy skin, while her sunglasses glinted in the afternoon sunshine. Miss Merald stood behind her, dressed in a mint jumpsuit that billowed in the wind, her bare shoulders shining like smoky quartz gems.

The two cut a fierce and regal pair. Ms. Blanche could not help but smile gleefully as she watched them on the horizon. She lay on a chiffon sheet spread out in the sand, a white canopy over her to protect her delicate complexion. Two of her servants, Boris and Vlad, loomed over her in matching white suits, ready to tend to her every need.

When the speedboat came to rest on shore, Boris and Vlad drew their glocks, ready to defend their mistress, but she motioned for them to pause. She had no intention of killing her guests without letting them have a drink first.

The island was much too small to clandestinely sneak up on their target, and Jane knew Ms. Blanche was much too clever to not have some method of surveillance to prevent unwanted intruders. Thus, Jane proposed that they make no effort to arrive unnoticed.

It was a gamble, but Jane Bond was rather familiar with those. So it was with complete confidence that she ran towards Ms. Blanche, pulling out her Walther PPK. Esther followed close behind, providing an intimidating glare and emotional support (Jane often needed it).

When they reached her, Jane pointed her gun directly at Ms. Blanche’s face and said, “Don’t try anything funny, ma’am, or I will shoot.”

"Oh no, you've foiled my diabolical plan," Ms. Blanche sighed in response, taking a sip of her coconut cream cocktail with little alarm. It was obvious she was unconcerned about their sudden presence. In fact, judging by her subtle smirk, she seemed pleased to see them.

She rose from her reclined position and, after waving away her bodyguards and picking up the sheet, sauntered off in the direction of her mansion. Jane and Esther had no choice but to follow, albeit suspiciously.

The two had come across many fine residencies in their travels and had even lived in a few mansions in their day, but they could not help but be impressed by her extravagant (and somewhat peculiar) decor. True to her nature, everything---from the walls to the floor to the furniture---was blindingly white.

Except for, of course, the dead bodies lying in pools of blood in the kitchen.

"Mind the mess," Ms. Blanche said as she gestured towards the corpses. "I've been meaning to get the maid to clean those up."

"Absolutely marvelous," Esther said sarcastically as she gingerly avoided them, her cynicism masking her sudden urge to vomit. "It really adds some pizazz." She glanced over at her partner, hoping for an equally biting comment, but Jane was silently observing, deep in thought. She recalled the conversation she had hours earlier with Q, their quartermaster and computer extraordinaire. Because this was an unofficial mission, Q had to do some digging on the sly, and he had managed to find information about Ms. Blanche, also known as...

"Natalia Dorminov," Q said, showing a picture of the familiar woman on his laptop screen. "34 years of age and the daughter of a Russian crime lord and English baroness, so she obviously comes from affluent standing. She began training in ballet and gymnastics at age 4 and martial arts at age 8. She has been credited with over 30 kills."

"Acting as what? An assassin?"

"...She apparently has many temper tantrums."

"Does M know you're here?" Ms. Blanche asked curiously, disrupting Jane's flashback. When she was met with silence, she smiled wickedly. "Oh, someone's been very naughty indeed. If you died today, who would know? Who would come to retrieve your mangled bodies after I've fed you to the sharks---?"

"Natalia, my dear, what are you up to?" A new voice interrupted. An older woman appeared in the doorway, looking very out of place in a black turtleneck and black slacks. However, she held herself with an air of such confidence and intensity that Jane and Esther did not dare question her place there. Her blonde hair and blue eyes, which studied them critically from behind black-rimmed glasses, mirrored Ms. Blanche's so much so that it was no great surprise (at least to Jane) when Ms. Blanche frowned and said, "Mummy, I thought you were just leaving."

“Mummy?” Esther’s eyebrows flew heavenward.

Ms. Blanche’s mother smiled, amused by Esther’s response. She waltzed into the room, going into the kitchen (paying little heed to the corpses) to pour herself a glass of red wine. “I was planning on it, but I thought you could introduce me to your new friends first.”

Esther was too dumbfounded to respond, but Jane, ever charming, stepped forward and extended her hand. When she took it, Jane bowed slightly and brought the woman’s hand to her lips, saying, “Baroness Gillian van Derson, I presume?”

Gillian van Derson’s smile widened. “Ah, you must be the chivalrous Jane Bond that my daughter adores. It’s a pleasure finally meeting you.”

“The pleasure is all mine.” She turned to Esther, who had finally recovered from her shock. “This is my partner, Ms. Merald. Esther, this is---”

“Mummy dearest,” Ms. Blanche finished, wanting to be part of the conversation again. She was pouting slightly, having the attention not centered on her. “Who said she was just leaving.”

Gillian waved her hand dismissively, taking a sip of her wine and making herself comfortable on one of the white kitchen stools. “Nonsense. If I knew Ms. Bond would be here, I wouldn’t have made other plans.”

“But Daddy’s waiting for you in Moscow.”

“Your father can wait. The Russian opium trade won’t suddenly dissolve because I chose to postpone the meeting. I’ll let Maurice know to wait on bringing the helicopter.”

At the mention of the opium trade, Jane and Esther exchanged looks, reminded of their reason for being there. It appeared they would need to apprehend two villains today instead of one.

Twenty minutes later, when they found themselves strapped to lab tables in a white room full of scary torture devices and glinting medical instruments, this proved to be a more daunting task than they were expecting.

Gillian, who had taken on a much more frightening expression, stood over them, her wine glass in one hand and a silver scalpel in the other. Her daughter, having done most of the dirty work, sat, disheveled and bruised on the counter near Jane’s feet. “That wasn’t fun at all. I broke a nail,” she mourned, examining a silver stub on her index finger.

“How unfortunate.” Agent 007 was of ill humor, having lost the fight. Natalia Dorminov proved to be very spry, and even though she initially had her at gun point, Gillian intervened by threatening to decapitate Esther, thus forcing Jane to withdraw.

“Now don’t be sour,” Gillian said with a smirk. “If it’s any consolation, I will have great fun dissecting your brains. You will contribute much to science.”

“Now now, Mummy,” Ms. Blanche protested. “You can’t kill that one. She’s mine.”

“I’m afraid you’re horribly mistaken, Ms. Blanche.” Jane raised an eyebrow. “The only woman I pledge allegiance to is the Queen.” And with a dramatic flourish, she broke her bonds and magnificently kicked Ms. Blanche off the table.

Ms. Blanche let out a shriek, and Gillian raised her hand, preparing to slice Esther open in response to Jane’s defiance, but Jane managed to wrangle the scalpel out of the mad scientist’s hand and free her friend.

Two gunshots and three karate chops later, the pair had escaped the white house of horror and were sprinting towards their speedboat. They had barely managed to escape with their skins, much less with the Baroness and her criminal mastermind daughter in captivity.

Bringing Gillian van Derson and Ms. Blanche would be a mission for another day. Until then, the cat and mouse game continued. But such is life for the daring 007 and her trusty colleague, Ms. Merald.

---

Gillian van Derson was of course modeled after Gillian Anderson (thanks @vavaharrison for the idea!). Sorry the ending was rushed :/