#ToThoseWhoStickAround

[livingisneverapersonalthing-blog]

TOP OF THE WORLD | A BEND IN THE ROAD

For a time, I thought my faith, it must be hiding Searching through the sky, hoping to find a way A way, to get me through the day Don't know where I belong, is this where I should stay

There are certain paths in our lives that take us into a crossroad. A few years ago, just when I thought that my life is going smoothly, life took me to a crossroad. With just one look, everyone will see which one is the right road to take. Which road that those whose hearts are pure, those whose loyalty to their friends are never questioned will obviously take. And the other road made me question myself; it made me feel like a monster for even thinking twice on which one to take. It wasn’t an easy decision. The time it took me to decide which one to take was a painful process. Every time I weigh the consequences of the possible decisions to take…all it cost was pain in both ways. Asking for signs didn’t help. I felt alone thru it all. Not that I blame anyone for it, and I don’t have any reason to. Because the decision I’ll be coming up with will either hurt me, or hurt them. But at that moment, the road that I thought was the one closer to Happiness was the one I took. Despite all the wrong signs, despite all the warnings, and despite the fact that I know in my heart that in taking it, I’ll be betraying a good friend, in the end I took the road less traveled by. I though then that for the first time in my life, I chose me. I chose my happiness. I was selfish…I know, but I didn’t care.  

And it turned my world upside down. It didn’t take me long to realized that it’s the biggest mistake of my life. I only made one choice...and it made me a both villain and a victim at the same time. Karma is a Bitch? I think that’s an oversimplification.  It might sound a little exaggerated, especially coming from me, being the one who betrayed a friend just for a little taste of an illusionary happiness, but my life felt like hell after that. I lost friends, I lost myself...and for a time I thought even God is nowhere to be found. I found myself in different world I do not feel belong to and sleep was my only salvation.

Lift me up, when I am falling You're my friend, when I was calling Now I'm on top of the world Top of the whole wide world Yeah, you've always been believing Gave my life a whole new meaning Now I'm on top of the world Top of the whole wide world

You know those moments in your life when you feel like you have all the reasons to give up. And you know that if you did, no one would question you for it. Because they know that you have all the right to do so. The amazing thing about all of this is, even though I’ve hurt some people indirectly for the mistakes that I have done, those people still chose to stick around. Whenever I think I'm falling deeper and deeper into this dark chasm...these people reaches out their hands and pulled me up. They believed in me when I couldn’t. Pulled me up when the gravity of my mistake was pushing me so far down the ground. I lost my purpose...they gave me one. I lost myself and they handed me pieces of it until I became whole once again. I was calling desperately...and they answered effortlessly. They walked with me thru all of it. They gave me reasons to accept what I have become...and proved to me that no matter what it is...they too shall embrace it. They were hurt and betrayed too by my mistake...but they have forgiven and accepted me. I may have lost a best friend, Something I’ll always be regretful of, but my mistake opened up my eyes to two people who were always there for me. They never gave up on me, although I almost did. I tried to pull away whenever I get the chance, and they never got tired of pulling me back. I never knew and I probably never would have known if I didn’t choose to take this road.  And God? Oh God…I’ve never felt His presence so strong before. I made a mistake, took a wrong turn, I was lost but there in the middle of nowhere I have found much more than myself, but also pieces that will complete me. So see…it was all worth it after all.

There's a strength in me, it seems, I have forgotten Now I, realized today, I'm starting to dream again Again, was a matter of when? I guess we all lose our way, now and then

It has been a long and painful process of holding on and accepting what I have become. Then one day...my life started fixing itself up. I could literally feel my life and myself healing. And slowly...something started burning in me. It was the strength to finally stand up again in my own two feet...and move forward. And there it was...the light at the end of the tunnel. I found myself laughing again. I started feeling courage growing strong inside of me. Time has finally started healing me. It was all in God's perfect timing. My life is finally back on track and moving towards a brand new goal. I guess we do lose our way now and then.

There are a few decisions we make that re-shape our lives forever. Chances we take that can either make or break us. A certain leap of faith where we will find ourselves landing hard in a new world where not all the people we have loved will be able to make it. Those decisions...those chances...those risks...are and always will be worth taking no matter how they end up and no matter how much they changes us,. Whether they turn out to be the biggest mistake of our life...or the best decision you have ever made, it doesn’t matter...what’s important is that we took it...and it made us a completely different person than we use to be. That makes it all worth it. Be proud of it. Some people may cringe when they hear it...but there some who will learn from it…just the way you did. 

Keep going, you’ll never know, what you thought might be the end may turn out to be just a bend in the road.

 ©Top Of The World Sung By Mandy Moore