#ToGayOrNotToGay

[togayornottogay]

Pride season is coming up!

Hello readers!

The past few month have been one filled with heartache, and disappointment throughout the country.

We have seen states step back 20+ years in our fight for equality.

As we get closer to June, and we hear people ask, “why do you need parades, festivals, and events?” It is important to remember that this is the time to educate, build bridges, and gain allies.

Pride month is filled with parades, celebrations, and festivals to commemorate the fight and actions taken by our queer foremothers and forefathers at the Stonewall Inn in New York in 1969.

Through civil discord and marching, members of our community stood up to the oppression being perpetrated and launch the gay civil rights movement that we are still fighting today. The pioneers of the early riots and subsequent marches have paved the way for us to continue our path to equality; however, we can not forget them.

The picture for this post is the original pride flag, which included two additional colors, and as you can see that the colors were representative of qualities or values that were important.

We cannot take advantage of progress, for in the past 6 or so years, we have seen that progress threatened. We are seeing more Anti-LGBTQ+Legislation. Unite, reach out to your local congressmen and congresswoman and together we can ensure safety and equality for ALL MEMBERS of our community

Much love and light to everyone! <3

[skarredlet]

Kisses her cheek, leaving her lipstick on her skin. (Togayornottogay-

@fiery-assassin

A hand reaches to slightly smear what’s left of the makeup. Fingers are brought up in front for a moment, before her hand rests at her side and she inches closer with a smile. “Red, I like it. Let me return the favor.”

[ung]

Addison (@ToGayOrNotToGay)

@Wendys your twitter account makes me even happier to work for you

faved by your 1 friend

[togayornottogay]

Week 3: “...Make Hope and History Ryhme...”

Hello Readers!

I'm not sure how many of you teared up yesterday during the inauguration of President Joe Biden and Vice-President Kamala Harris, but I know I sure did. It has been a blessing knowing that the past four years of uncertainty are over and a thing of the past.

In order to honor this ability to breath again, I would like to take a moment to examine not only what has happened during the tenure of "He who must not be named" but also the progress that was made during the Obama-Biden administration and the progression that we can expect moving forward.

We have had a lot of set backs over the past few years, ranging from racial injustice to flat out discrimination against our trans and non-binary brothers and sisters. An administration that was insistent upon placing blame and taking divisive action against our nation has opened the doors for hate, discrimination, and abuse of power to run rampant.

We have seen our trans brothers and sisters denied the right to honor their commitment to our nation through the military ban. We have seen members of our own community not only betray our causes, but discriminate openly against people of color within our community. We have had members of white supremacy groups openly displaying hate and discrimination.

In fact, in the last few weeks of #45's administration we saw last minute policy changes allowing social service providers to discriminate based on sexual orientation, adoption agencies being allowed to deny same-sex couples, and homeless shelters being allowed to turn away gay youth. Add these to the previously stated and we can see how very discriminate the previous administration was.

Looking back on the gains made in the community during the Obama-Biden administration the last four years was certainly heartbreaking. From 2009-the end of his term, the Obama administration strived to make the world a more inclusive place. Below is a list of some of the pro-LGBTQ+ events and executive actions taken by the administration:

1. Repeal of "Don't Ask Don't Tell" 2. President and Attorney General announce the Department of Justice would no longer defend the Defense of Marriage Act's (DOMA) provision defining marriage as only between a man and woman. 3. Supreme Court rules in favor of LGBTQ+ community multiple times, ruling that section 3 of DOMA is unconstitutional. 4. Federal recognition of Same-Sex marriage, ensuring all individuals are treated equally under law. 5. The backing of protections for Trans and Non-Binary members of the community

January 20, 2021 is a day that is going to go down in history as being a win for our community, and minorities galore. Kamala Harris being not only our first woman Vice-President; but also the first vice president of African-American and Asian-American decent.

Finally, not only has Biden already reversed a lot of the anti-LGBTQ+ policies with executive orders; but he has also assigned individuals to be in his cabinet that are as diverse and inclusive as he stated it would be. Mayor Pete has been selected to serve as Secretary of Transportation,  and Rachel Levine (A transgendered woman) has been nominated as the assistant secretary of health.

I know that my heart feels at greater ease after the past few days, and I hope that yours does as well.

As one of our nations founding fathers stated, "United we Stand, Divided we Fall." I hope that the country can heal and the divide that has been created can be bridged. We are not Liberals, Conservative, Republicans, or Democrats; We are members of the Human Race, seeking equality justice and happiness for all.

Remember readers,

Embrace your loved ones, stay safe, and wear your mask!

– Joey ToGayOrNotToGay.

[togayornottogay]

Week One: First

Hello Readers.

With the first full week of the new year behind us, it is important that we remember the past and history that has lead us to where we are today. Civil rights has had many developments, and the LGBTQ+ rights movement has had small victories throughout the 20th century.

Technically speaking, there are 16 States as of 2020 which have laws against sodomy or any sexual actions that are not for the purpose of procreation (some of which include oral sex). Many of these laws have been invalidated due to federal or newer state legislature; however, they are still technically in the statutes of the states and can be used as a learning experience to what was once a larger issue; It was illegal to have gay sex throughout the country regardless of consent, location, or being in the privacy of your own home. 

As we reflect on this, let's look at what I find to be the first "win" for the LGBTQ+ community in this subject. January 1st, 1962 a new law went into effect, changing the laws on sodomy. This state code changed wording in the states law which decriminalized the act of same-sex intercourse, as well as established 18 as the age of sexual consent.

As I read into this I found myself thinking of the saying, "We won the battle, but not the war.". This was our first small victory even if it was not specifically a battle that was actively being fought. As lately as 2013, there have been cases of individuals going to court over some of these laws. In Texas, a couple was being prosecuted for having sex in the privacy of their own home. This case went to the supreme court and the law was ruled unconstitutional; but this is a reminder of how there are still laws and injustices left to fight for.

I am hopeful that this new year, new leadership, and new beginning will see changes abundant to the rights of all individuals in the U.S. but I especially hope that we see changes and the correction of injustices against the trans members of our community.

Remember readers,

Embrace your loved ones, stay safe, and wear your mask!

– Joey ToGayOrNotToGay.

[togayornottogay]

A Transformative Year

While 2020 has been a year of challenges for the United States and the world in general, I look back at this past year with a full heart and endless gratitude. It has been a year since my life changed significantly.

2019 was a year of challenges, a year of awakening, and a year of empowerment in the end. I was diagnosed as having Bi-Polar II Disorder, Anxiety, and was struggling with major mental health issues.  Many things were going on in my life that I was in one of the lowest and darkest times. Then, On October 27th, 2019, my 37-year-old sister passed away. A sharp blow to my heart, opening my eyes to my life’s inequity and loss of destiny. This event was the beginning of a massive change in my life.  

After spending almost two weeks in Delaware, experiencing what was going on at home, I decided that I needed to make a change. For six and a half years, I lost who I was—participating in events that I usually abhorred, going against all of my beliefs, and believing that love was the reason for doing so. I was in a relationship with a Narcissist. Control, Manipulation, Lying, Cheating, Mental and Physical abuse were all endured with the thought that love could overcome it all. I became a shell of myself, void of interests, void of passion, and void of the will to continue. Three different occasions found me writing goodbye letters to the family and friends that I would leave behind. But I kept fighting and rebuilt bridges with my family.

The weekend of my birthday, I was asked to give my other sister a ride to a procedure and spend the weekend. I was more than happy to help and packed a bag.  And so begins a new chapter. By the time the weekend was over, I knew I did not want to go back, and then when I decided to get my things, all hell broke loose, and I was able to get about 10% of my belongings; I got most of my clothing, important documents, pictures, and my two dogs. A few weeks later, my sister met up with him to pick up more things that he packed, useless things, things that did not have meaning or were needed, but there was supposed to be more. At that point, I decided I was happy with what I got; I didn’t need anything else. I was ready to start over. And the end to 6.5 years of uncertainty, of delusion, false friendships, and empty promises were over.

I had to start from rock bottom. I had no job, no vehicle, no confidence, but my will to succeed grew stronger and stronger. It also teaches you who the people that are true friends are. Narcissists have a talent for manipulation, forcing the belief that you are the bad guy onto others-that you were the one doing the evil and horrible things. But those that matter are the ones that stick by your side and help build you up. And building up, I certainly did; it took me a little, but I found a job. With the help of family rides and borrowing vehicles, I was able to make it there and begin building a new life. A few months passed, and I saved enough money to get a car, and then rebuild my credit a bit, and slowly rebuild my confidence. I started not only to find myself but recognize the person I saw in the mirror. I saw the potential that I had forfeited

With my new found confidence, I started to check off goals I was making for myself; I began to enjoy cooking, reading, and finding joy in things that I grew numb to in the past. I began to branch out of my comfort zone and push the limits of my anxiety. I had a rebound relationship, but it showed me that I was not only worthy of being cared for; but that I had a voice and did not need to settle for less than what I deserved in a relationship. I would not be the only one to sacrifice to make an effort, and I voiced my opinion and concerns as they arose. And finally, I found someone that the conversation, the chemistry, and everything developed entirely organic. Communication flows, the conversation never gets dull, and each day finds new and exciting aspects of one another.

The change and growth do not end here, Promotion, Getting my place, meeting the family, and finally living together. This year has seen me at my lowest and highest that I have been in years. I found myself; I found happiness. In one year, I have turned my life around completely.

There are many new adventures, many new chapters to write, and a story that my man and I are writing together.

So while 2020 was undoubtedly a trying and challenging year, it was a year of transformation. A year of discovery. A year of new paths, new friends, new vision, and refocus of priorities. 2021 is upon us. And as this next year will be a new experience for everyone, I want it to be a continuing transformative experience in my life.

To Gay or Not to Gay has been an outlet to me in the past, a passion that I failed to keep up with. In 2021 I am going to be posting one blog a week. With topics relating to that week in LGBT history, specific days, or different themes. Additionally, I will be committing myself to continue to find my passion for writing, and as other topics arise, I will push to get things out.

I want to end this post with a quote I wrote for a friend a few years ago.

“Regardless of how you feel right now, you are a beautiful, talented, and capable person who can achieve anything you set your mind to!”

– Joey ToGayOrNotToGay.

[togayornottogay]

Week 5: Fight to the North

Hello readers!

Too often do we thing of LGBTQ+ Rights as a battle that is occurring and evolving in our own backyard and forget that this is a global struggle.

This week, our neighbors to the north celebrate what has been called the "Canadian Stonewall" for on February 5, 1981 a riot had taken place sparked by the discriminatory actions of the local law enforcement.  Toronto police stage a raid on multiple bathhouses in Canada, arresting 305 men (the largest mass arrest in history) which prompt a riot and protest the following night.

This is an important moment in history for the LGBTQ+ people because it reminds us that while there are many issues and battles that we must face domestically, but there are also issues that our brothers and sisters in other countries are decades behind us on.

Where we are fortunate now to be able to love how we want without legal ramifications, in other countries the law can lead homosexuals to be arrested, jailed, or put to death for being in love with who they love.

Do we have more fight to do within our own country? YES! However, the fight is not just one of domestic relevance. Gay Rights are Human Rights, and equality is not just for one nationality but for the whole human race.

We are members of one race, the human race and until we can ensure that all walks of that race share equal rights, privilege's,  and respect our battle is not over.

Remember Readers,

Embrace your loved ones, stay safe, and wear your mask!

– Joey ToGayOrNotToGay.

[togayornottogay]

Week 4: Minnesota Discrimination Ban of 1991

Hello Reader!

January 29th, 1991, Republican Governor of Minnesota signed an executive order banning discrimination against the LGBTQ+ community in the public sector. 

I chose this event to show that LGBTQ+ rights are not just a Democrat tool for votes. We have to stop looking at the political party of an individual when it comes to who we vote for. Party does not necessarily match ideology and view. Conservative and Liberal does not = Republican and Democrat. There are plenty of both views throughout either side. 

In the spirit of Unity that President Biden and Vice-President Harris are striving to include in their administration, I would like all of us to ponder this. 

Love is the guiding force of what we need to concentrate on. Let’s not harbor hate towards a person because of their political affiliation; look past their affiliation, respect one another's’ differences, and have openminded and constructive conversations. The intent of these conversations is to educate and allow a person to think critically. 

Extremists exist on both sides and it is sad that the extremists become what we are associated with. Where I work, everyone I am surrounded by is Republican, the conversations they have frustrate me, but I have learned to allow them to have their beliefs because they are genuinely good people. There are times I will join their conversation when they lump all of one group into a single category; but I do not try to have an argument or debate because I am highly out numbered and a member of management; devoted to keeping the peace and structure of my location. 

I hope that this makes everyone think, and realize that we are not political affiliation, we are not our religion, we are not left or right, or members of different races or nationalities, we are human beings. Homo sapien sapien. 

Thank you readers and remember: 

Embrace your loved ones, stay safe, and wear your mask!

– Joey ToGayOrNotToGay.

[togayornottogay]

Week2: One Magazine and The USPS

Hello Readers,

In January of 1953, “One”. the first pro-gay magazine, was published and sold on the streets of Los Angeles. The issues sold for 25 cents a piece and were the product of the founders of the Mattachine Society and others following a discussion at one of their meetings.

The magazine was designed to unify the LGBTQ+ community into social action for change. The offices of the magazine also served as a community center for the LGBTQ+ community. A conglomeration of efforts between the Mattachine Society and the Sisters of Bilitis (it's lesbian counterpart). The magazine was published up until December of 1969.

Particularly Notable in this story is one of the first US supreme court decisions in favor of an LGBT organization. In 1954 the Unite States Postal Service refused to deliver this magazine. Calling it "obscene" due to the subject matter, and One, Inc brought a lawsuit against them. One, Inc vs. Olesen & the USPS was lost in the lesser courts, but on January 13, 1958 the U.S. Supreme Court overturned the lesser courts decision, asserting that the publication was protected by the first amendment right to Freedom of Speech.

This goes to show that small steps is what it takes to reach were we are today. Remember the past to build a future!

Remember readers,

Embrace your loved ones, stay safe, and wear your mask!

– Joey ToGayOrNotToGay.

https://daily.jstor.org/one-the-first-gay-magazine-in-the-united-states/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ONE,_Inc. https://one.usc.edu/archive-location/one-magazine https://one.usc.edu/

[togayornottogay]

New Year, New Us

Happy New Year Readers!

As we bring a close to 2020, I believe that it is important that we look back at the challenges and successes that we have experienced in the previous year. I remember thinking on December 31st, 2019 that 2020 was going to be my year, that I was going to grow, excel, and become some semblance of what I thought I would be by the age of 31; however, I did not anticipate a pandemic changing our lives radically. Through the challenges, success was still possible. 

The new year found me as a newly single person, out of a toxic relationship, I saw myself rebuilding myself this past year. Getting back in touch with what I found important, what I enjoyed, and what made me happy. My successes include getting back into the full-time workforce, getting a car, rebuilding relationships, getting promoted, loving myself (and someone else), as well as getting out on my own. The world looks different now, I can see hope, positivity, and enjoy waking up daily. I no longer dread getting out of bed and wondering what I am going to wake up to. Most importantly I found myself setting goals, doing new things, and pushing myself to grow and develop.

Following any relationship of significant length, I found myself in a rebound relationship. Blinded by the attention and treatment I had not experienced I told myself I had found love again, but it was an experience needed to remind myself that I had goals, and I had wants and needs of my own that I was refusing to settle on. I refused to settle for anything less than what made me happy, and for the first time in my life, I stood up for myself in a relationship. I communicated my needs, and that they weren't being met, and ultimately I moved  on from something that was meant to be a lesson on to something much better. 

I moved on to a relationship with myself. A relationship where I saw myself for the person deserving of love that I felt I never knew before. I had grown to accept that I was going to have to settle for only half of what I was wanting in life. I accepted that I did not deserve to be loved, that the hurt and pain I experienced in life was a norm for me; However, I saw for the first time, meaning and purpose. I saw that I could have happiness without months of hardship and drama. 

The whole experience took me back to my high school days, when over the loud speaker, our principal would end every day with the words, "Make it a great day, or not, the choice is yours." and while I did not understand it at the time, the words clicked for me. I have a choice in what I allow in my life, I have a choice in what I accept. No, things will not be  100% perfect, but perfection is in the perspective.  I can chose to allow drama in my life, I can chose to allow negativity; but if I chose this I am choosing to repeat the same cycles that have landed me in bad situations in the past. Just as I can choose to allow these things; I can chose to not allow them. 

I decided to surround myself by positivity and encouragement. I found saying, quotes, scripture, anything that inspired me, and put it in places that I would see every day. I began to speak my mind when things bothered me, and speak up when I felt mistreatment was happening (regardless of how receptive the individual was of it). And through this, I weeded through a lot of drama, a lot of anxiety, and I found not only happiness in myself, but found the light of someone that believed in me. That understood my past, accepted it, and realized that it does not define who I am now but merely shaped it. He accepts me, I accept him, and most importantly we communicate. Something bothers one of us, we say it. We discuss plans, we make goals, we want to see each other succeed and improve.

Yes, 2020 was long, it was crazy and unpredictable and there were times that a month felt like a year; but it was also filled with growth and understanding. I am excited to say that 2021, whatever it may bring, I am prepared for. I am setting individual goals, we are setting couple and relationship goals, and through the joined strength and determination (as well as accountability) we will reach those goals. 

What were your challenges this year? What were your successes? Do you have any goals that you have set? 

I have set one goal that I want to share with my readers, I love to write. Writing brings me joy and I find myself in the zone when I am writing. So for 2021 I am going to write 1 post a week (minimum) and will try and use a "This week in LGBTQ+ history" as the theme for each week. This is a project that I am taking on as a goal so that I can remember what is most important to me, passion. If you cannot find passion in your life, enjoyment in what you do, then why continue doing it?

So I leave you with this piece of advice: Don't make a resolution for yourself that you are going to forget by the middle of January, make goals for yourself that you not make but make properly. Make SMART goals. 

Specific

Measurable

Achievable

Relevant

Timely

And make them smarter by making them 

Exciting (to you)

&

Review/Reward - Review your goal regularly and reward yourself at certain intervals. 

Embrace your loved ones, stay safe, and wear your mask!

– Joey ToGayOrNotToGay.