#To be continued! (duh it’s a WIP) With a happy end! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

youwontlikethisblog · 3 years ago

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A lil rant

After watching this episode a fourth time and certain scenes a lot and thinking about it a lot I wanted to explain further than I did in the last post.

I focused a lot on explaining the consensual aspect of their first time and explaining the motivation behind Armando's actions as well as Betty's, but didn't elaborate much more, for one like I said I'm an insomniac and was out of it lol, try writing a post for nearly twelve hours and tell me you wouldn't either. I do see that I should probably draft a lot of my "analysis" when I write them because I am not all there so I don't explain things as well so I'll start doing that so the post are a lot more consistent and clear as opposed to me starting with one point and never finishing it. Anyway now that this disclaimer is out of the way here are my thoughts on said episodes as a writer.

Many times when writing we have to revisit our work as we are writing it. This allows us to pick up on certain plot holes and mistakes as well as even figure out some plot twist in the future. Often times when you know your characters and the moral and ending of your story, the story ends up writing itself and forming it's own path. I've mentioned in past posts that the first draft is to write with tears and blood and the when that's over you clean up your crime scene.

Now, all writers are imperfect and we make mistakes, duh, so there's inconsistent things in this show, like the dog, Camila, Beatriz Valencia, etc.. etc.. however when it comes to the main character's personality there really isn't much of a flaw, in fact they are very realistic and consistent, the actors did a phenomenal job bringing said characters to life, one of my all time favorite details of the characters in this show is how they all have ticks. Guti Guti does that thing with his lips, Patricia flips her hair, Betty worries her lips a lot and when she is explaining certain things she often has this really adorable thing where she rocks on her feet and speaks very certain of what she's saying. Armando has so many ticks that it's hard to keep up with them. Point is they all have so many realistic behaviors that it's hard not to notice them and even harder to disregard them as not part of the story when they are. They are a huge part of being able to credit or discredit the motives and actions that move these characters.

For that exact reason Betty's character in the past few episodes was so heavily important to understand where she was coming from. It wasn't just that she was drinking that got her all riled up and excited that night. It wasn't just that she missed him days without him made her longing and desire increase ten fold. There is always a cause and effect.

What caused Betty to behave this way? How did that effect her relationship? What caused Armando to react that way? How did that effect their relationship? Most importantly, how did this affect them both?

There's a clear understanding of who Armando is and what his secret desire and motive is to make Betty fall in love with him. Though his pride and ego are so huge he can't see past it to dissect and understand his feelings aside from the prejudice he has against women who are not the status quota, in the mildest of all of that there lays one true objective: Betty's heart. We mustn't forget that Armando IS worried about Eco Moda and most certainly that he never wants to admit that he was wrong.

However much like a future dream demonstrates it, Eco Moda is just a farce for his feelings towards Betty. Though outwardly he is motivated by the desperate desire to be validated and loved by his parents, to be better than Daniel, and not admit that he was wrong, inwardly what really pushes him and makes him go after Betty is his desire for her.

How does this start off? He blurs the line at work, where things no longer are just professional coming from him. He makes certain achievements of Betty's in her profession and even morale his own, as if they were a team facing the challenges together. He inserts himself into Betty's life and he inserts Betty into his personal life a lot. With his affairs, his feelings regarding the company and his worries. He trust her as his confidant, as his best friend. He trust her with his feelings more than he does with his actual best friend and his fiancé and this all starts days before the plan is even a plan to him.

The cause of this? Betty's faithfulness and unconditionality.

The effect? He feels like he is special to Betty, as he said himself he had been so special with her(If you haven't yet I suggest that you read the posts Nicolas Mora, Un Amigo, Betty, My Betty! Parts 1-3).

As their relationship progressed his feelings continued to grow to the point that this night, not after he slept with her but before he did, he fell in love. It was when Betty was being vulnerable and apologizing to him for having been overbearing that he fell in love.

However Betty had already been in love with him, way before. She knew him in and out. She knew the good and the bad. She accepted him as is and all she wanted to do was give him her affection and love and that's what she's done, it's all she's done and this feeds a cycle of desire and motivation for Armando where her love motivates him to change, it inspires him to be a better version of himself to make Betty happy because seeing her happy makes him happy, it challenges him to change his own prejudice of society and people. She is a safe haven and she achieves that, how wasn't he supposed to fall in love with her this night when she does exactly that?

Betty's cause to behave like this was her conversation with Aura Maria days before where she questioned if Armando felt more for her than just admiration. She questioned if he too desired her. The effect of that conversation was her testing to see if Armando did in fact feel the same way, that he was on the same page.

It is also so satisfying to see the parallels! Oh how wonderful they are!

The extreme contrast between Betty and Marcela are so visible, so vivid, so in your face that you cannot say that Marcela is a victim of Betty's.

I won't defend Betty's actions for involving herself with a man that was in a contract with another woman(I say contract because it was not an engagement. What Marcela and Armando had was a contract, he did her the favor of marrying her and she owned him.) I understand that she is insecure but she was always shown to have morals and ethics above all, where did those go? Out the window that's where. However I still love her so imma be a supportive mother to Betty and call her out but lend her my two shoulders to cry on, okay?

Moving on.

Betty did not and I will repeat this BETTY DID NOT MANIPULATE OR FORCE ARMANDO TO SLEEP WITH HER.

We get two contrast of the exact same scenario for that exact reason people.

Betty and Marcela literally ask the exact same questions to Armando: Am I making you uncomfortable? Am I bothering you? Do you not want to be with me?(Marcela asked Do you want me to leave?)

However they ask it with different intentions and motivation.

Marcela never pays attention to Armando's body language. Instead she focuses solely on herself, her feelings, and what she wants, this is not a person who is insecure, this is not a person who has no self-worth. This is a person who has a huge ego. MARCELA IS SELF-CENTERED AND SELFISH TO THE CORE. For this exact reason she refuses to let go of Armando because she believes that she deserves him not as a human being but as a trophy to satisfy herself that she tamed a man who sluts it out left and right.

This night we get to see that.

While Betty asked him these questions to make sure he was on the same page as her, that he too desired her just as she desired him; Marcela asked these questions to trap him. She wanted to be like "Aha! You do have a lover! Now I'm going to make your life a living hell because I was right!"

No sis, calm your tits, you need a therapist.

While Betty was legit asking for it, for Armando to consent, Marcela was asking for him to satisfy her. There is a huge, and I mean huge difference between asking for consent and wanting to be satisfied.

Ironically my current WIP pushed me down a rabbit hole on information that explains the dynamics of a survivor and a romantic relationship and how to be a supportive S.O and a lot of the articles I read mentioned the importance of intimacy.

What is intimacy? It is forming a friendship with your S.O and establishing honesty and respect. It comes above the physical aspect of the relationship because it makes you feel safe when things are leading to something physical.

Marcela and Armando don't have that. Armando has even told Marcela that he doesn't want her to have his intimacy. When I first saw that scene I was like "Take a look at this an*s! Why is she with him?" and then I saw why... Marcela be blabbering his business to everyone. She tells everyone that Armando is unfaithful(I mean in that aspect he do be deserving that) but it goes so much deeper than that. The reason he cheats on her is because he is trying to escape, have control, and feel validated and then that feeds her possessiveness over him, which then feeds his desire to cheat(@el-moscorrofio-y-el-mercachifle already made a meme about that lol). She never does anything to gain his trust, instead she demands it and when she doesn't get it she has this "Aha! It's because you're a cheating whore and I'll destroy the woman but stay with you because you belong to me you puny little man! But I will also ruin you if you leave me!" Their relationship sucks. It's honestly just a moral enemies to sex trope. That's it. Like there's nothing there.

Which is not the case for Betty and Armando.

They in fact do have intimacy. They talk about their feelings, they face trials together, as a team, they push one another and inspire one another. They were friends(a lil more than friends doe) long before. In the scene where they are talking in the hotel room Betty tells him she understand him, that she understands that he doesn't feel that sort of attraction towards her and just because she loves him he isn't obligated to sleep with her.

I want to repeat this in cause people are still confused or saying Betty forced Armando to sleep with her: She said :YOU ARE NOT UNDER THE OBLIGATION TO HAVE RELATIONS WITH ME JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO.

What does that sound like to you?

Imma wait for crickets.

When Armando then tries to engage into relations she pulls away and tells him that he doesn't have to.

She is literally placing his needs, his feelings, before her own, however Armando has just barely fallen in love and he wants to. He wants to sleep with her. He wants to engage in fornication and sinful actions with Betty.

He gets frustrated when Betty tells him that he doesn't have to and we know it's because he hates it when people, especially Betty, invalidate his feelings or efforts. The fact that Betty now was telling him no upset him because he did want to sleep with her, however he did not pressure her either. He explained why he did want to sleep with her and when she consented and he too consented they sinned.

However later that night we get almost the exact same scenario but with a different tone.

Marcela, after they argued, sits by his bed where he is laying down and goes to take off his tie and tells him that she desires him. Armando was laying still he told her he was tired, wanted to wash up and go to sleep before she did this. He did not look nor welcome her actions, which is different from when Betty told him that she wanted to make him feel better. In that scene Armando asked her how she was going to do that and when she said with her kisses, they both leaned in to kiss. This time Armando just lays there, like all the other times before but he looks at her with a cold stare.

When he jumped back from Betty when they were making out, Betty asked him what was wrong and he expressed himself.

However this time when Marcela asks him her tone is different. This time she's angry at him as she yells at him to deny that he has a lover now.

Marcela wasn't looking to be with her man, she was looking for her man to be with her. She wanted him to prove to her that he hadn't been sluting it out(like how was he supposed to prove that when she been knew that he still went and slept with her after he slept with whomever? Like she knew he did that and she still consented? WHAT? which y'know feeds the notion that she just wanted her socks rocked) but it contradicts what she says the next day to Patsy Pats at the office. Marcela just wanted him to satisfy her. She wasn't looking for it to be team work, she was looking for it to be about her.

This is why that night was so important. These little scenes, movements, play on words and parrales are there to show us two different relationships; a healthy one and a toxic one.

Marcela didn't respect Armando's no, she just had no other option because this time he wasn't just laying there letting her do what she wanted, this time her emotional manipulation didn't work, this time her seggsual manipulation doesn't work so unless she was gonna r-word him than she had no other choice but to be pissed about it.

Betty did respect Armando's no. She tried to explain herself and apologize to him. She even double checked with him when he told her he did want to. Betty was willing to not have relations with Armando if he didn't want to, for the sake of their relationship and what they have, she would not jeopardize their relationship just to get her socks rocked nor would she make him feel guilty for it.

It wasn't a happy little accident that we get these parrales in one episode.

Understanding the cause and effect helps us determine this.

Understanding the character's inner desires and dilemas helps us understand this.

So no, once again, Betty did not force Armando to sleep with her. Everything before, during, and after that scene shows us and tells us this.

We get both a cause and effect with the added bonus of show, not tell.

This novela reads like a book, so there isn't much of a speculation when we are being shown to compare both of these relationships when they are saying the same things, in the same scenario but with different tone and reaction from the character of interest in both scenarios.

The purpose of this novela was to break social norms of how certain women and men are presented in the media and to question why that is. It isn't simply a love story, if it was I wouldn't be able to watch it as stuff like that makes me want to puke, again this is all a funny ironic joke that someone is playing on me.

[EDIT:

Another key things to take into account(I mentioned it in the Forgive Me post) is that even Mario's tactic to manipulate Armando had nothing to do with Eco Moda or his ego. It had everything to do with Betty's feelings and Armando's desire to make her happy. That same day Mario took notice of Armando's behavior towards Betty at the office and the guilt he felt over forgetting her B-day. Mario played with Armando's feelings and he pushed his buttons to see just how much it mattered to Armando.

When Armando said at the bar that he couldn't go through with it, Mario told him he was convinced, a sincere reaction of his, and he didn't have to do it anymore. However when Armando said he couldn't do that to Betty because she was really looking forward to it, Armando was smiling when he was talking about her enthusiasm to spend time with him, and Mario took notice of that.

So again, Armando did want to sleep with Betty, he just didn't want to do it under deceit or manipulation. He didn't want to be Betty's "First" under those conditions and Betty didn't force him.

My rant is over.

[EDIT: On the Forgive Me post I went back and did two corrections, they are in bold so if y'all want to read them, that would be awesome :)]

#don armando #armando mendoza #armando ysblf #betty pinzón solano #beatriz pinzón solano #beatriz pinzon solano #betty ysblf #yo soy betty la fea #morch #marcela ysblf #marcela valencia

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novantinuum · 3 years ago

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Hi, I was just wondering if you had ever thought about what would have happened in your story "Hollowed Moon" if you had continued it. I always thought it was such an interesting setup that could have gone in so many different directions. And there really aren't other stories focusing on Stevonnie and Spinel, so it was unique!

Hiya!

So, I do have some half-written, half-plotted out material to share. I gave this story some consideration the other day, and came to the decision that I don't have the desire to finish it out, alas- I have far too many other active WIPs to add it to the list. There's a few good reasons why I discontinued it, anyways... intimidation over the huge surge of attention it was getting back in 2019, some rude comments from overzealous Spinel fans, (I know everyone isn't like this, but a certain segment of the Spinel side of the SU fandom kinda burned me over time, hhh), and a future chapter containing a sensitive topic that I wasn't in a good headspace to write about at the time.

But! Anyways! Below the cut is all the existing material I have for Hollowed Moon past chapter 14, consisting of a mixture of descriptions, sketchy dialogue, and prose. It honestly feels nice to finally be able to put this story to an official rest.

Chapter 15

“I... I saw her.”

“Who-?”

“I saw Pink Diamond. I saw you, in this exact garden, in a dream. I- it was like I was experiencing everything through her. She explained your game, tapped your nose and told you to smile, then warped away—“

“That’s it, that’s what happened, almost exactly! But how could you even know that, I never—“

“I don’t know,” they blurt out. “I have empathic abilities, and sometimes that makes dreaming a little weird, but I have no idea how or why I saw any of this.”

[Pause for Stevonnie to think]

“Spinel, I’m so, so sorry,” they whisper brokenly. “But I think... she left you here.”

“What...?”

“She said she’d return, but before she warped away she whispered goodbye, like she didn’t actually intend to make good on that promise. She was lying to you,” they choke out, voice thick.

“No. No,” she says in clear denial, “no she’s not. She can’t be! She told me she’d come back! I can wait! I just have to wait—“

“But she’s not! She... she can’t, because Pink Diamond is gone. She- she was shattered, Spinel. Five thousand years ago, on the Earth. I- I should’ve told you this from the beginning, and I didn’t, and I- I’m so, so sorry—! But she left you behind, and now she’s never coming back.”

[Silence. Tears brim in Spinel’s eyes. Her eyes grow dark, pained, and then she glares at Stevonnie with such venom it almost knocks them backwards in alarm. ]

“NO!” she screams, tears streaming down her faded pink cheeks.

[She tears her feet up from the roots and runs away, using her arms like an orangutan to vault herself forward super fast so Stevonnie can’t catch her.]

___

Chapter 16

AN: Content warning for self-shattering attempt. Part of the reason why I had to stop writing this story at the time. I considered pushing the plot another way, but it didn't feel authentic to how I believed this scenario would play out for Spinel when she didn't have a direct target for her anger. Without someone to actively be jealous and upset AT, I could only imagine her breaking inwards instead of outwards, feeling that she's utterly failed in her life's purpose. Nothing more than a description for this chapter... and it'd be a short one.

[When Stevonnie finds her, she’s smashing her fists against her gem in her sheer anguish. She’s already cracked it. She’s glitching. It looks terribly painful. She��s about to strike her gem again when Stevonnie intervenes.]

___

Chapter 17

[Post timely intervention. Spinel is still cracked at this moment, though... her form glitching as she cries.]

“I was... her best friend,” she cries, fat, glistening tears streaming down her cheeks. “I was supposed to make her happy! Why wasn’t she happy? Why didn’t she come back?“

[Spinel reasoning that maybe if Pink came back for her, she wouldn’t have been shattered in the first place]

“What did I do wrong?” she whispers hoarsely, gazing pleadingly into Stevonnie’s eyes. “Wha- what am I doing? Why do I wanna hurt myself so badly?”

“Shh, now,” they reply, tears of their own brimming at the crease of their eyes, and pull Spinel’s head to their chest. “I’ve got you...”

___

Chapter 18

They know their throat is tight, and their voice scratchy. They know they’ve never sung this song in front of another living being, since it’s something personal they composed alone on one of their late nights back on Earth, thinking about all the difficult days Steven and Connie have had to face over the months. Pair this with their active crying, and there’s no way their singing will be anything pretty.

But pretty doesn’t matter right now.

Stevonnie opens their lips, and— clutching the broken hearted Gem close, rhythmically rocking with her back and forth— lets the wandering melody emerge from within.

“I guess I have to face That in this awful place I shouldn’t show a trace Of doubt...”

“But pulled against the grain I feel a little pain That I would rather do Without...”

“I’d rather be Free, free Free...”

[Hoarse, Spinel starts singing with them.]

“I’d rather be Free, free Free...”

“Free, free Free...”

“From here...”

[Stevonnie holds her tight while crying, their tears healing it back up.]

___

Chapter 19

AN: Don't have anything but a single bit of dialogue in this chapter note- I'm assuming I intended it as being a good few hours after the events of chapters 16-18... when Spinel has calmed down a little and has a moment to reflect on the upsetting news she's just received.

“I think... I always knew,” she says, voice hoarse. “In a way. It was so obvious how she felt about me.

___

Chapter ?

AN: From here on out, the plot hasn't been split into individual chapters.

[At some point shortly after chapter 19, Lars and his crew locate Stevonnie in the garden, and pick them and Spinel up. The next few bits of dialogue and description takes place on the ship.]

Rutile twins: “I haven’t heard of Spinels being produced in over five millennia.” “Me neither!”

Rhodonite: “Yeah, I heard they stopped making them entirely after the rebellion on Pink’s colony.”

[A bit of overwhelming conversation later, no one really noticing Spinel's conflicted emotional response to so many Gems hovering around her at once.]

Padparadscha: “I predict that you’re both going to make Spinel feel very uncomfortable aboard this ship.”

Rhodonite: “I’m sorry, we don’t exactly meet new Gems every century.”

Rutile twins: “Yes!” “It’s just been us until we met our captain!”

Fluorite: “Our new huuuuman friend helped us escape the tunnels on Homeworld. Now... we’re slooowly making our way back... to Earth.”

Spinel: “Earth?? You’re going to Pink’s world? But why? I heard she... was shattered.”

___

[Spinel feeling a sense of kinship with the idea that there’s other Gems who didn’t serve their rightful purpose and are now escaping their life on Homeworld to be free of that. Because now, without her Diamond, since she was unable to keep her happy, she’s an Off Color too. She failed her given purpose same as them.]

[Discussion of Earth, and the rebellion, and how there’s Gems living free there. And how Pink’s colony was siphoning life away, and that’s what these Gems were fighting to protect. Stevonnie points out all the plants and wildlife that used to live in the garden, and asks her if she felt happier when it was around. Spinel says yes. Stevonnie says that this is what the Diamonds are destroying, with each lifeless colony they forge. Everywhere they go, dead wildlife lies in their wake.]

Spinel: “I... guess I never thought of it that way.”

[(Stevonnie adds...) And while they’re very sorry for the personal connection there, and can’t imagine how painful that must be, that’s why Pink Diamond was shattered.]

[Spinel is given an open choice... Lars gives the invitation to stay with him and the Off Colors, and Stevonnie offers for her to come with them back to Earth. It's not a hard decision for her in the end, though. She's always dreamed of seeing what was once Pink’s planet, ever since she heard the Diamonds bequeath it to her.]

___

Stevonnie: “Okay, so… before we go, I need to be honest with you about something." [deep breath] "I’m actually a fusion of two separate people who are close friends. You... know what fusion is, right?”

Spinel: “Duh, o’course! What, d’ya think I was made yesterday?”

[...]

Stevonnie: “But even with that, I can’t be together as me all the time. Steven and Connie, the two who come together to form me... they love hanging out with each other so much, but they also have their own lives! Other friends, other hobbies, their own families. They still talk when they’re apart, but they know it’s okay to do things alone, too. Do you know why I’m telling you this?”

Spinel: [shakes head no] “No...?”

Stevonnie: [sighs] “I understand you’ve been left behind. Believe me, I know how bad that feels. So the last thing I wanna do is make you think I’m doing that too.”

Spinel: “Y-you— you’re going away?” Stevonnie: “Unfusing, yes.” Spinel: “But Stevonnie, you—“ Stevonnie: “Spinel. No matter what, you are my friend. Steven and Connie consider you a friend, too. And my hope is that you’ll keep making a whole bunch more on Earth, so you’ll always have people around who know and love you. But that can’t always be me, okay?“

___

[At home... on Earth. There's a bit of a close call for Pearl when Spinel arrives, and recognizes her as Pink's second pearl. This is news for Garnet and Amethyst and Steven, the first of which had somewhat suspected that Pearl used to be in the diamonds' service, but never knew for sure. Pearl, of course... can't say much on this due to her gag order... not that anyone else knows about that yet... but does manage a very concise and PD=RQ free explanation about her past in Pink's court, and her transition towards being a Crystal Gem:]

Pearl: “Rose Quartz set me free, and I’ve been a part of the rebellion ever since.”

___

[At some point between the last scene and the next, mention how Spinel had a bit of a relapse... she ended up poofing herself, and reformed differently. A little bit closer to the smudged mascara and frayed pigtails look of canon, but no rotated heart. Unlike in canon, she has a solid support system amongst the Crystal Gems, and she's working hard to recover from the heartbreak of Pink's abandonment.]

___

[Final scene is set post A Single Pale Rose. Steven and Connie fuse, and Stevonnie goes to find Spinel to check in on how she's taking the news. The final line of the fic is as follows:]

Spinel: “I know you’re not her, not really. And I know you’ll always be a better person than she ever was. But in some silly cyclical way... back in that garden... it’s almost like Pink came back for me after all.”

#su #spinel #stevonnie #su fanfiction #my fic stuff #hollowed moon #this isn't REALLY 'my fic stuff' since it's unwritten but #i think it deserves to be here. this is the full unfinished plot of a fic that got the most exposure of anything i've ever shared in fandom

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shrimp-piss · 4 years ago

Text

a wip that i made for this post!

Zuko/Sokka | word count: 1271 | grocery store au

Pay attention, please just pay attention to her, Zuko says to himself. There’s a woman at his register talking about her adoring child while she’s fumbling around with the card reader. She’s hit cancel on it three times, making Zuko put in his code over and over again to say that she actually does want to buy her groceries. He’s trying his best not to be rude, to vaguely listen and be as polite as possible, but ninety percent of his brain is pulling his eyes to search for his favorite customer.

Zuko’s worried that he won’t come in today. He specifically requested to have his thursday morning shift be changed to the wednesday evening shift because of this boy. Jin had told him that for the past three weeks he comes on wednesday just to ask about Zuko and if he would ever work on that day. A bit odd, yes, but he figured the guy had more time to loiter around the store on wednesdays. He did seem like he was on a rush on other days.

“Oh, I just know you and him would be best friends!” the woman squeals. Zuko’s pulled back to this plane of existence and throws her a questioning look. “You’re both gay!” She points to his rainbow button on his apron. Zuko almost forgot that he pinned it on a few days ago to let his favorite customer know that he was gay and was interested if he was flirting wtih Zuko. Zuko was pretty sure he was flirting. Sort of? If flirting was buying super weird things and then asking about them as if Zuko had a clue why they sold that stuff. He was (kind of) sure it was a type of flirting.

(continues after cut)

He grabbed her receipt and tried not to shove it into her hand. “Have a nice day ma’am,” he said quickly. She smiled brightly at him, despite his rude behavior (he was self aware that he wasn’t being as good as he could be) and shuffled off with her bags.

Shifting on the balls of his feet, he looked from the front of the store - to see if the mystery man had walked in yet - then back to look at his register. He nervously tapped at some of the buttons, going through his memory of which item had which code, and what he would buy from the bakery for himself for his dinner tonight. It was a way to distract himself from his ever growing nerves.

As he was opening and closing the money box, someone slipped up to his counter and rested their elbows upon it. Zuko tried to cooly look at who was there, but he already knew. The gentle smell of lilacs and the ocean were his dead give away. Sucking in a breath, Zuko looked up and down the boy, raising his eyebrow. “Can I help you?” Zuko asked. Fuck. That sounded bitter didn’t it? But he didn’t take it back. He was caught up in the boy’s eyes and the few freckles that dusted the bridge of his nose. The guy was smiling at him and let out a small laugh.

“Yes actually. I was wondering if you could help me find the perfect baguette? You see, I’m going on this date and if it’s not the most perfect baguette, I think I’ll just die from embarrassment.” As the boy said “date”, Zuko could feel his heart drop. Had he read this whole situation wrong completely?

For what was probably an eternity, Zuko just stared at him blankly. He had no idea what to say. A part of him wanted to tell him he was banned from the store, another part wanted to help him find the worst bread he could find out of spite, and another part wanted to say he would make a better date and that he deserved the most perfect baguette that they had. But he didn’t. He held his tongue instead. “Hello? Zukooooo?” the boy drawled out.

Zuko looked away from him and turned back to his monitor. “How do you know my name?” His words came out harsh, almost biting like. Still, this didn’t bother the man.

“You have a name tag, duh.” Fuck. Zuko resisted the urge to rip it off. Another moment of odd silence filled the gap between them. He could see the guy’s smile quirk into an odd smirk. “You don’t know my name, do you?” Zuko shook his head. He tried not to be weird and look at the guy’s name on his card. He wanted to give him some privacy. “It’s Sokka. Now, can you show me the bread section please?”

Zuko considered telling him that there were other workers around the store that could help with that, and that it wasn’t technically his job to help him at the moment. Though, he wasn’t exactly required to stay at the register. “Sure. Fine. Yes. Follow me,” he grumbled between closed teeth. He gestured to Jin to take his place from her bagging station and lead the way for Sokka.

In theory, the bread section was only about a one minute walk. In practice, it felt like it was only a few seconds but also a thousand years at the same time. Zuko pointed hastily to the basket, avoiding Sokka’s bright blue puppy dog eyes. Sokka beamed and started inspecting each long loaf.

Zuko stood and watched him sort through the loaves. He should return to his station, but he couldn’t pull himself away. He wanted to ask who he was going on a date with. If he had been flirting with Zuko for the past three months or if he was looking for something that didn’t exist. But once again, he didn’t say anything.

Sokka turned to face Zuko, a blinding radiance of happiness bouncing off from him. “Found one!” he cried out gleefully. Zuko’s heart string pulled painfully and he shoved his hands into his pocket.

“Great,” he gritted out. Why was here, punishing himself this way? He should just tell Sokka to fuck off, to leave him alone, to stop getting his hopes up, to-

“When does your shift end?” Sokka said, interrupting Zuko’s thought process.

Zuko looked up, feeling his mouth hanging open slightly at the question. “Eight.”

“Great! I’ll pick you up at eight then.” He walked over to Zuko, taking one of his hands out of his pocket and leading him back to the registers. Zuko didn’t walk with him. He felt like he had missed a good portion of this conversation.

“What do you mean? Why are you picking me up?”

“For our date tonight!” Sokka turned back to him, a confused look plastered across his whole face. Zuko’s whole body became unbelievably hot and he could feel a blush creeping up to his ears. Another emotion took over Sokka’s confusion, his eyes widening in a panicked fashion. “Oh my god, I forgot to ask if you wanted to go on a date, didn’t I?”

Zuko nodded. Sokka raised his hands, about to say something, but Zuko cut him off before he could get a word out. “I’d love to go out on a date with you tonight.”

“Great. Great!” Sokka gave him finger guns and started walking backwards, his iconic crooked and awkward smile returning to his face. “I’ll see you then!” Zuko watched as Sokka backed into the front doors, his eyes still pinned onto Zuko.

The beautiful boy was leaving his line of sight when he remembered the baguette. “Sokka!” he cried out, running after him. “You haven’t paid for that yet!”

#zukka #sokka #zuko #atla #Avatar the Last Airbender #fic #my fic #wip #this has not been edited i apologize

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zeppelin-and-unicorns · 4 years ago

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Fanfic recommendations part five: Alternate Universe (canon divergence)

I am going to make three AU posts, one with AU’s that diverge from canon (this one), one with 100% AU stories, and one with Soulmate AU stories, I’ll probably post the next category tomorrow or maybe even today.

After the AU’s there are only two more categories left, Christmas fics and Crossovers! After that I will make a master post with the link of all the previous fanfic recommendations posts.

Enough rambling, this is a long category, which means, long post.

a retro romance by poeticlyme

Jackie Burkhart, the Princess of Point has an unrequited crush on a certain paranoid burnout. Or is it so unrequited?

Please read this story, it’s amazing and I love it!!! The slow burn and the sexual tension between Jackie and Hyde in this story is everything!!

This story is a WIP and it’s being updated constantly.

59k words, 18 chapters for now.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, background Eric/Donna and Kelso/Brooke.

Cheater, Liar by Maleesha (MalissaNgov)

Jackie hates cheaters.

(or when Jackie is less naive and Hyde was more aware of her situation.)

This story is a WIP.

36k words, 12 chapters for now.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Contact by tanith75

Stop what you’re doing and go read this story right now!! It’s amazing, this story is definitely on my top 10 favorite stories of all time.

What if the night Hyde and Jackie stood in the Forman driveway, kissing, the sliding door hadn't been locked? What if Kelso had gotten outside in time to confront Hyde? What if...

This story is not complete, but please don’t let this stop you from reading it.

53k words, 10 chapters.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, background Eric/Donna

Everything Works If You Let It by Ultrawoman

Jackie and Hyde pretty much hated each other from the get go, and yet he still agreed to take her to Prom. Kelso was unable to win Jackie back that night, and everything changed between the rich cheerleader and the Zen Master. S1 rewritten from 'Prom Night'.

This story is complete and it’s SO CUTE.

60k words, 23 chapters.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Endless Midnights by Anonymous

Were they stupid? Of course. Were they terrified? Duh. Were they doing it anyway? Hell yeah.

In which Hyde feels guilty about covering for Kelso and Jackie finds out about Laurie much sooner.

BOY OH BOY THIS STORY IS AMAZING PLEASE READ IT.

This story is complete.

54k words, 17 chapters.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, background Eric/Donna

Escaping The Friendzone by KayRight

Jackie doesn't take Kelso back at their prom. Instead, she starts an odd friendship with Hyde. They both want more but the only problem is he thinks she's on the rebound and she thinks he's not interested.

This story is complete.

73k words, 23 chapters.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Also Available on AO3

Going to California part 2 by holograma209

What if the whole gang went on a road trip to California after graduation, finding themselves along the way? Set at the very beginning of season 6.

This story is a WIP, it hasn’t been updated in a while but I still have faith.

11k words, 5 chapters for now.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, Eric/Donna

Halloween: Extended Cut by Hyde’s Bride

An extension of the season two episode, "Halloween". Jackie forgets her poncho in the field where the gang buried their permanent records. Hyde goes back with her to get it. What tricks or treats will be in store for them on this Halloween night?

I love horror stories (even though I’m scared shitless of them) and this one is really nice! It’s not THAT scary, so don’t worry.

This story is complete.

8k words, 3 chapters.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

High on Summer series by QueenBookBuff

Hyde has been craving Jackie for a long time. It's summer time, anything is possible, and he is positive she will be his new favorite drug.

This is a WIP.

9 works on this series for now, according to my calculator, the entire series has 26k words.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Hyde Bags Jackie by gah-linda

After s3ep8 “Jackie Bags Hyde”, Jackie and Hyde start a very steamy affair behind everyone’s backs.

This story is abandoned, but it’s pretty good.

75k words, 23 chapters.

Rated M. Very, very M. Seriously, this work has a lot of sex, but the story’s plot is overall very interesting, I really like it.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, Eric/Donna

I’ll be There by crimsinsky

When Jackie finds out that Kelso cheated on her again, she was hurt that her so called friends didn’t tell her. A new friendship happens starts up, and an old relationship turns obsessive.

This story is a WIP, and it’s being updated constantly.

26k words, 19 chapters so far.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, background Eric/Donna

Knowing Me, Knowing You by Writerperson100

After being cheated on by her second boyfriend, Jackie accepts her aunt’s offer to come live with her.

When her past is ready to catch up with Jackie, will she be ready to face it?

This story is complete.

61k words, 26 chapters.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, background Eric/Donna

Movies As Friends by rymilu

Jackie realizes a few things about herself after her kiss with Hyde. She once more tries to bag him after Michael and Donna leave to California, no longer hiding her feelings. Instead of pressuring him like before, she decides to start with taking him to the movies.

This story is a WIP.

38k words, 6 chapters so far.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Never Look Back by Shabbuuu

Jackie and Hyde decide to leave Point Place instead of waiting for Kelso to return.

Pretty sure this is an abandoned story, but the ending of the last chapter was nice, and they’re happy, so...

20k words, 17 chapters.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

New York, New York by Shabbuuu

This one is also on my top favorite stories of all time, do yourself a favor and read this, it’s amazing.

What if Hyde did go to New York City with Chrissy? It's 1981 and Jackie has just moved to NYC for a job. What happens when she runs into a familiar face at a bar?

This story is complete.

40k words, 38 chapters.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Of All Things Creepy and Unnatural by CaedanceLaura

Also on my top favorites, lol. I can’t help myself, I really love AU’s.

What if Donna and Eric hadn't found out about Hyde and Jackie? Hyde and Jackie manage to keep their relationship a secret for much longer. How will this change the development of their relationship without having their friends lack of support and ridicule in the beginning?

Not complete, but it ends in a nice place. No cliffhangers here.

56k words, 16 chapters.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, background Eric/Donna

One Difference: Donna and Kelso Have a Fling by MistyMountainHop

Believing she's lost Eric forever, Donna accepts Kelso's offer to have a fun, commitment-free fling. They plan on keeping it a secret, but Jackie and Hyde's own summer secret complicates matters.

This story is complete.

32k words, 11 chapters.

Rated M.

Pairings: Eric/Donna, Jackie/Hyde

Also Available on AO3

One Difference: Hyde Catches Jackie by MistyMountainHop

Kelso forgets to pick Jackie up from work ... again. Feeling neglected, she falls into the arms of her boss, only to be caught in a transgressive lip-lock by Steven Hyde.

This story is complete.

15k words, 4 chapters.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Also Available on AO3

One Difference: Hyde Doesn’t Lie by MistyMountainHop

Hyde tells Jackie the truth about their Veteran's Day kiss, but his choice alters their relationship — and the lives around them. One difference can change everything.

This story is complete.

12k words, 3 chapters.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Also Available on AO3

One Difference: Hyde Goes to Kelso’s Ice Shack by MistyMountainHop

Kelso plans to get Jackie back by taking her to his uncle's "fabulous" cabin in the woods. He has everything in place—the right lie, the right couple to emulate—but an unexpected variable threatens to dismantle his scheme: Steven Hyde.

This story is complete.

21k words, 5 chapters.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, Eric/Donna

One Difference: Jackie and Hyde Don’t Kiss (During the Summer) by MistyMountainHop

With the basement to themselves, Jackie and Hyde can't seem to stay away from each other. Buried feelings rise to the surface. Jackie makes the first move, but Hyde blocks it. Rather than kissing, they end up in a chess match of escalating risks and consequences.

This story is complete.

126k words, 31 chapters.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, Eric/Donna

Also Available on AO3

One Difference: The Answer’s Probably Yes by MistyMountainHop

In a desperate act, Hyde seeks advice from Jackie, a girl who thinks he's scum. He's not fond of her either, but she makes him a crazy yet strangely-appealing offer.

This story is complete.

60k words, 15 chapters.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, Eric/Donna

Also Available on AO3

OPERATION: REBOUND by ShanghaiLily

I was having a lot of trouble categorizing this, since it can be considered an AU and a season 8 fix-it, but in the end I placed it on the AU category because there’s a original character involved.

Jackie & Hyde have trouble hiding their secret relationship, because a housebound & heartbroken Eric continually walks in on them while they're fooling around. Sexually frustrated, they resolve to find Eric a girlfriend to distract him so they can be alone in every way. What happens when Donna comes home and finds that Eric has moved on? Will she fight for him?

This story is complete.

65k words, 13 chapters.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, Eric/Donna, Eric/OC.

Spur of the Moment by shy1214

What might have happened if Hyde had made a different choice and said a different thing at one point early on?

Donna is not a nice character in this story, just to let you know.

This story is a WIP

49k words, 9 chapters for now.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Tiny Dancer by ourinvisibleink

After a summer of fooling around with resident bad boy Steven Hyde, Jackie discovers that she is pregnant.

This story is a WIP. It hasn’t been updated in a few months, but I still have faith.

9k words, 5 chapters.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Trick or Treat by MistyMountainHop

Kelso invites his single friends to his brother's Halloween party. Casey's Monster Make-Out Mash-Ups are renowned for encouraging commitment-free flings. Fresh from a break-up — and pining over Kelso's girl — Hyde needs some naughty-bad fun. But Jackie is far from happy herself, despite being one-half of the only couple left in the basement.

This story is complete.

14k words, 2 chapters.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, background Eric/Donna

Also Available on AO3

Welcome to Hydeville (One Difference: Hyde Doesn’t Toss Jackie’s Bag) by MistyMountainHop

When Jackie tries to prove her coolness to Hyde, Hyde shows her just how uncool life with him would be.

This story is complete.

13k words, 6 chapters.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Also Available on AO3

You Look Like an Angel by crimsinsky

It all started with prom, but what if Hyde hadn’t immediately gone off with Pam Macy and waited to see what Jackie would do?

This story is a WIP.

22k words, 17 chapters so far.

One-shots:

A chance encounter by hanaasbananas

When Jackie rejects Kelso's serenade, she leaves the basement and the gang behind for good. Seven years later, a meeting in a bar gives birth to an unexpected friendship that could change the course of her life forever.

7k words.

Rated G.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Beats of Silence by vampy.rEVOLution666

When she was with Kelso, Jackie never experienced the passion that she always thought she would when it came to sex, so responsibility falls upon the Zen Master to show her that it can be so much better when you're with the right person. Jackie Burkhart and Steven Hyde finally go on their first date, they have their first kiss and they spend their first night together.

3k words.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Catching Up by springsteenicious

Hyde isn't exactly sure just how he ended up in a smelly ice shack staring at a notebook paper with his name written on it in Jackie's curly handwriting, but he does know that today is going to change things between them.

Or: Hyde goes to the ice shack.

3k words.

Rated G.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Communication Breakdown by springsteenicious

Donna told Jackie she didn't want a new boyfriend after Eric. Hyde offers his friendship and Donna mistakes it for more. When Donna makes a move, Hyde tells her something shocking about himself.

6k words

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, Eric/Donna, Donna/Hyde friendship

Creepy and Unnatural?? Not at all! by HydeLuver

As usual, Hyde is the only one who can comfort a heartbroken Jackie.

1k words.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Fez dates Jackie by zeppelinandunicorns

A rewrite of S3EP21. Instead of asking Donna for help with Caroline, Fez asks Jackie, making a certain burnout jealous beyond befief.

5k words

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

From the Land of Ice and Snow by MoonTickler

Blizzards in the Midwest suck at the best of times, but never as much as when Hyde and Jackie get stranded in the Vista Cruiser together, and they're forced to confess their feelings for one another, which may or may not have to do with the first kiss that neither would confess they felt anything during.

7k words.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, background Eric/Donna

Hyde Doesn’t Sleep With the Nurse by springsteenicious

What if Hyde hadn't slept with the nurse in "You Shook Me?" What if he and Jackie had just talked things out?

1k words.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

It’s Just a Kiss Away by springsteenicious

It's Veteran's Day and everything Hyde thought he knew about love is being changed. Jackie, on the other hand, is just happy to finally be with him.

2k words.

Rated G.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Little T&A by springsteenicious

Eric and Donna actually do get married, prompting Hyde to make a decision about his own relationship.

(Eric and Donna's wedding told from Jackie and Hyde's POVs)

2k words.

Rated G.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, Eric/Donna

wouldn’t you love to love her by donutcats

And the story deviates off course yet again, because Jackie twists her mouth for a moment and then says; “Can we try that again?”

“What?”

“Can we kiss again?"

11k words.

Rated G.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Feel free to reply to this post if you think I left out a good story!

I’ll repeat this at the end of every single post (seriously, I literally copy and paste this every single time): Speaking as someone who writes, it would be really cool if you guys decide to leave a review (or a comment, if the story is on AO3) in the stories you read, especially the unfinished ones. It really motivates the authors, and receiving a compliment is always a mood lifter. I’ve seen some authors updating stories after years because of nice reviews, so… yeah, this is just an idea.

The next category is: 100% Alternative Universe stories. Will post it soon!

#jackie and hyde #jackie x hyde #that 70s show #that '70s show #fanfic #fanfic rec #zenmasters #jackie burkhart #steven hyde #fanfic recommendations

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liesyousoldme · 4 years ago

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here’s another WIP eddie month fic! this is over 7k words and contains internalized homophobia including the use of slurs, and addiction to prescription drugs (based entirely on eddie’s addiction in the book). i was going to write an exploration of the issues eddie would’ve had to face had he survived but overall it ended up feeling too dark and i’m just not a dark writer so. on a happier note, stan lives in this au.

They stood in the lobby of the Derry Town House, covered in dirt and water from the quarry and who knows what else. Beverly had gone straight for the bar, pouring each of them a generous glass of whiskey.

The silence was deafening, filling every crevice of the otherwise empty hotel and surrounding the Losers like a heavy blanket. No one knew what to say. Their entire lives had been leading up to this, and now it was done. What comes after the happy ending?

“We need to talk about it,” Beverly said finally, her voice soft but solemn. “We can’t just – I mean…”

“Bev’s right,” Ben said from beside her. She shot him a thankful smile. “I mean, where do we go from here? Back to our lives? The lives where only one of us was even remotely happy?”

Stan almost looked ashamed, as though he should feel guilt for being the only happy one in the group. He still hadn’t told anyone how close he’d come…. How lucky they were that he’d made it here to begin with.

“Are you suggesting a fun little group therapy session?” Richie asked, gulping half his glass in one go, only wincing a little.

“I’m not really the share-my-feelings type,” Eddie frowned. He’d already finished his glass and placed it on the bar, and now stood with his arms crossed over his chest. The bandage on his cheek was no longer stark white; the dirt and water had turned it to a pale brown.

“None of us are,” Ben answered. “That’s the point.”

“You’ve lost me, buddy,” Bill said, then looked astonished that he hadn’t stuttered. “Wait, I’m not….”

“RIP to Stuttering Bill,” Richie said solemnly. Eddie hid a laugh behind his hand. Mike clasped Bill on the shoulder, offering him a sincere smile.

“I think talking is a good idea,” Mike announced.

“No offense, Mike, but you officially are not allowed to have ideas. Particularly ones that involve stealing rituals from other cultures and bullshitting your way through them even though you already know they won’t work. But other ideas, too. All of the ideas. Out of the question.”

Richie raised an eyebrow at Eddie, who seemed unable to stop talking.

“Like, we forgive you and everything, but.” Eddie shrugged.

“What if we shower and then go grab dinner?” Bev suggested. Her face was open, perhaps the most open it had been since they’d arrived in Derry. The others agreed with varying degrees of reluctance, Bev offering her shower to Eddie, and Bill telling Mike he could use the one in his room after he was done.

“You guys coming?”

Eddie startled, realizing everyone but he and Richie were already halfway up the stairs. He glanced awkwardly at Richie, who took the opportunity to raise his glass to his lips and sip very slowly. Eddie rolled his eyes.

“I’m waiting on this one to finish his drink,” Eddie told them, ignoring the Looks he received from his friends. He walked around the bar to put his glass into the small sink, just to seem busy.

“Aw, Eds,” Richie grinned, placing his unfinished whiskey on the bar. “You don’t have to wait for me, I’m a big boy.”

Eddie huffed. “I’m not, I’m just fucking nervous about showering.”

“Uh,” Richie said blankly. “Why?”

“I don’t know, Richie,” he began, anger edging into his voice, the way it sometimes did when he felt particularly anxious. “Maybe it’s because the last time I was in a shower I fucking stabbed a guy with a knife I’d just pulled out of my own fucking face!”

Richie’s eyebrows rose. He began to run a finger along the rim of his glass. “Yeah, that makes some sense.”

“You don’t have to stay down here and babysit me,” Eddie said, when Richie seemed like he was just going to stand there and play with his cup. He stuck a hand deep into the pocket of his jeans until his fingers closed around a small cylindrical bottle. He yanked it out, flicked the cap off, and took out two pills. “Go, shower. I’ll make my way up there eventually.”

Richie ignored him. He eyed Eddie, who picked up Richie’s unfinished whiskey to wash down the pills. Once Eddie had placed the now empty glass into the sink next to his own, Richie spoke. “Did you see Mike and Bill?”

“What?”

“Mike and Bill,” he repeated. “They went into Bill’s room together.”

Eddie’s face didn’t change.

“And did you see that little… You know. The forehead thing.”

“Literally what the fuck are you talking about?”

“Mike and Bill are gay for each other.”

Eddie choked, then coughed. Richie waited patiently. “Another gay joke, Rich? It’s fucking 2016, that’s not fucking funny –“

“I’m not joking!” Richie interrupted, holding his hands up in innocence. “There’s absolutely something happening there. The foreheads!”

“Why do you keep saying the word foreheads –“

“You didn’t see? After we killed It, they fucking – they put their foreheads together!”

Eddie opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again.

“Look, like this,” Richie said, moving around the bar to stand in front of Eddie. He grabbed the back of Eddie’s head and pulled, leaning down so their foreheads would touch. He overshot, and Eddie groaned.

“Was that just an excuse to headbutt me?”

“No, look, theirs wasn’t so violent, but look man,” Richie said, and Eddie looked. Their eyes met, so close together, and he could feel every one of Richie’s fingers in his hair. He looked down, unable to hold the eye contact. Richie let go, took a step back. “See? They did that.”

“They were celebrating,” Eddie said, willing his heart to stop pounding.

“Uh, yeah, celebrating their gay love,” Richie answered in a ‘duh’ tone.

“Isn’t it just love, not gay love?”

“When did you become the gay police?”

Eddie sighed, putting his elbows on the counter and letting his head rest in his hands.

“Besides,” Richie continued. “I have the best gaydar ever. Or, like, bi-dar. Is that a thing? Bill’s bi. Have you seen his wife? She’s fucking hot. I dunno about Mike, though. He could be –“

“Just because a guy’s got a wife doesn’t mean he’s not gay,” Eddie interrupted. Richie immediately stopped speaking. Neither said anything, and Eddie didn’t lift his head from his hands.

Eventually, Richie cleared his throat and said, “Are you trying to tell me something, Eds?”

Eddie didn’t say anything, his mind racing. Usually when he was this nervous he couldn’t shut up, but now he felt like he didn’t even know how to talk. He willed the pills sitting in his stomach to kick in.

“Eddie?”

“I don’t know.”

His eyes were closed tightly, palms pressing into the sockets. Maybe he could just pretend Richie wasn’t here and he’d go away.

“You don’t know…” Richie exhaled, looking up at the ceiling. “You don’t know if you’re gay?”

“Wouldn’t that just be fucking hilarious?” Eddie said finally, looking up. His eyes were red. The nervous anger had arrived. “The perfect goddamn punchline!”

“Punchline? What are you –“

“You got married? To a woman?” Eddie mocked Richie’s voice, steadily getting louder. “Not like everybody didn’t already think it when we were kids! Not like I wasn’t the fag and the queer to anybody who saw me! Like I don’t notice the guys at work whispering behind their hands. Like I don’t know my mother-in-law has been telling my wife to leave me for someone who actually likes women for the six years we’ve been together!”

“I didn’t –“ Richie’s breath caught in his throat, his hands shaking at his sides. “Eds, I didn’t –“

“Don’t call me that!” Eddie shrieked.

Richie was surprised none of the others had peeked out their hotel room doors to see what the yelling was about.

“Eddie,” Richie corrected, “I didn’t mean anything by –“

“By the gay jokes?” Eddie finished for him. He was facing away from Richie, clutching the edge of the counter. “No, I’m sure you didn’t. God, fuck this. I’m going to shower.”

“No, Eddie, please,” Richie said, grabbing Eddie’s arm as he walked by. Eddie let him, stopping and sighing, but not making eye contact. “Seriously. Can we talk about it? Like actual adults?”

“Are you capable of adult conversation, Trashmouth?”

The corner of Richie’s lips quirked. “I think we both need it.”

Eddie nodded, still staring straight ahead. Richie released the light grip he had on Eddie’s arm.

“After dinner,” Eddie said, and then headed upstairs.

There was an Applebees in Bangor. It was only a 25 minute drive from the Town House and the alcohol was cheap. Eddie had rattled off his list of allergies to the hostess before they even made it to the table.

“Can that be the first thing we talk about?” Richie asked, gesturing to Eddie.

“You want to talk about Eddie?” Bill asked.

“No, Eddie’s fake allergies,” Richie said. Eddie stared blankly at him.

“My allergies aren’t fake,” he said. His head wasn’t spinning so quickly anymore, he’d calmed down, was even a bit tired. When the waitress took their drink order, he ordered a margarita. Richie’s eyebrows rose at that, but he didn’t say anything.

“Eddie, you know all your medication is fake. Your mom was just bullshitting you –“

“That was – It was just the asthma. The inhaler. Because I have anxiety, I get… Panic attacks, you know. And Ma didn’t know what it was, we thought it was asthma, so I got an inhaler, and it just snowballed, I don’t know –“

“That’s bullshit,” Bev muttered. Eddie glared at her. “Seriously, it’s bullshit. And it’s why I wanted us to all talk.”

“To talk about me?”

“No, all of our bullshit! We all have it! I’ll go first: my husband abused me, and I left my ring at home. Well, not home anymore. Point is, I’m leaving him, and I’m taking control of my company. Because my life has been bullshit. I found someone who treats me exactly the way my dad did. And I didn’t – I didn’t even realize how bad it was until Mike called. It wasn’t until that moment that I realized I deserved better!”

They all watched her speak, cheeks flushed red and eyes wet. Eddie could feel his own eyes watering.

“I just – You guys used to be my best friends. I’ve only made one other friend that I really, truly trust, and she lives across the country from me.”

“We’re still best friends, Bev,” Bill said, looking like he wanted to reach out to her but stopping himself at the last moment.

“Are we?” She asked. She looked at each of them. There were no expectations in her eyes.

“We can be,” Stan said quietly. “Do you guys remember… When we were kids, I asked if we’d all still be friends when we grew up. You all promised me we would. Told me I shouldn’t be so sad. That was the first thing I remembered when I got to Derry.”

“We didn’t mean to forget each other,” Ben said. “If we’d remembered… Things would have been different.”

“We can’t know that,” Stan responded, staring down at the table. “We were thirteen when we were friends. I don’t know about anyone else, but I am not the same person I was at thirteen. We might not even – without a common goal, I mean… Who’s to say we’d even be good together?”

Eddie bit his lip. Honestly, Stan was right. Eddie wasn’t the same person he was at thirteen. They’d grown up. Sometimes friendships aren’t meant to last forever.

“We can keep up with each other’s lives on Facebook or whatever,” Stan continued, “but is that really friendship? Friendship like we used to have?”

No one answered.

“We don’t know each other anymore. We may not be compatible and that’s… That’s okay.”

“Stan,” Beverly cried. The words were familiar from her mouth. “You don’t have to be so sad.”

“Yeah,” Stan answered, nodding but still avoiding eye contact.

“Can it be my turn, now?” Richie asked, pulling the attention from Stan to himself. It seemed a selfish move, but Eddie noticed the short eye contact and nod of thanks from Stanley and felt an aching fondness for Richie Tozier. “My bullshit is that I haven’t been happy since college, I can’t hold down a relationship, I don’t write my own jokes, and I’ve been ignoring my attraction to men for like… 27 years.”

Bill, who had a mouthful of beer, snorted, the amber liquid leaking from his mouth and nose. Everyone laughed, and once Bill had calmed himself, he grinned at Richie.

“Warn a guy, dude,” he said, lifting up his drink. “If anybody else is gonna come out, make sure nobody’s got a drink in their mouth!”

Eddie could feel the eyes on him. He stared down at the napkin in his lap, running his fingers along the edges. He wasn’t sure who was looking at him. Surely Richie. Probably Bill, and likely Bev as well. Stan wouldn’t, he wouldn’t be obvious, wouldn’t want to embarrass Eddie. Ben and Mike were on either side of him, probably aware of how blatant it would be if either of them turned to look at him. But still, they all had to be thinking it. Little sissy queerboy Eddie Kaspbrak.

His chest was beginning to tighten, and he squeezed his eyes closed, trying to shut out the sounds and sights and smells of the restaurant around him. He forced himself to draw in a deep breath, but he became dully aware that a whimper escaped his mouth when the air refused to enter his lungs.

“Excuse me,” he choked out, pushing back in his chair and standing before anyone could answer, not caring as his napkin fell to the dirty floor. He had tunnel vision as he pushed his way down the aisle; the double doors at the front of the restaurant getting closer and closer as his breaths became shorter and shorter. He shoved the doors open once he reached them and tried to breathe in the fresh air once he was outside. It was marginally better than the stuffy air inside the restaurant but his chest still hurt, his lungs still wouldn’t open up.

He spotted a bench and sat on it, trying to force himself to take slower breaths. He jumped when a hand touched his back, but when he looked up it was just Richie, who at some point had sat beside him while he was busy trying to breathe.

“Hey, dude,” Richie said, rubbing small circles on his back. “Just breathe in… Breathe out. Breathe in… Breathe out.”

Eddie did his best to breathe in time with Richie’s voice. They sat like that, Richie’s voice quietly soothing and Eddie’s wheezing quieting with each inhale, for what felt like hours. Eddie knew it hadn’t been, had probably only been a few minutes, but he could feel the heat of Richie’s hand through his shirt, could feel the way their thighs pressed together on the bench, and it made every second last longer than he would’ve wanted.

“You good?” Richie asked. Eddie nodded, too embarrassed to look up. His face tended to get blotchy after a panic attack, and he knew his eyes were probably red. He’d always thought he took on the features of a particularly difficult toddler when he got like this, and he didn’t want to subject Richie to that view. He didn’t want Richie to see him like that. “You wanna get a headstart on that talk?”

Eddie exhaled loudly. “Not particularly.”

“Okay,” Richie agreed easily. Comfortable quiet settled between them and Eddie tried not to think about Richie’s hand, still rubbing circles on his back. “I think we should go to the hospital.”

Eddie lifted his head, alarmed. He knew his eyes were wide, jaw dropped, but he couldn’t help the horrified reaction he had when he heard the word hospital.

“Just – Your cheek. It’s bleeding again. You must have irritated it when you –“

“When I lost my shit?” Eddie suggested, wincing. He pressed a hand against the bandage and could tell it was dampening quickly. “I’ll just grab an Uber and meet you guys at the Inn.”

He was already pulling up his Uber app when Richie nudged his shoulder, grabbing at his phone. “I’m not letting you go to the hospital alone, dude.”

“I’m a grown man, Richie,” he argued, crossing his arms.

“Yeah, and you’re a grown man who’s terrified of hospitals and who I don’t trust not to fuckin’ run away the second he’s by himself.”

Eddie bit his lip and looked away. He hadn’t been thinking about escaping, but now he was imagining stopping for a fast food dinner of his own before sneaking back to the Inn, grabbing his things without anyone noticing he’d returned and taking off in his rental.

“I’m gonna let the others know where we’re going,” Richie said, standing. “Don’t go anywhere. Do I need to confiscate your phone?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Eddie muttered, frowning. He winced as it pulled at his cheek.

Richie didn’t answer, just rushed back into the busy building. Eddie saw there was an Uber two minutes away so he ordered it. The blue car pulled up to the curb just as Richie stepped out of the restaurant.

“This is our car,” he told Richie, pointing. Richie nodded, following him. They sat in the backseat, Eddie said hello to the driver, and then the car fell into silence.

Eddie prodded at the inside of his cheek, wincing at the taste of blood and the feeling of split skin against his tongue. It was starting to hurt again, and he pulled his pill bottle out of his pocket. He flicked off the lid and let a multitude of pills fall into his hand, picking out one of the blue oblong ones and swallowing it dry.

“Didn’t you take some of that like, an hour ago?” Richie asked, not bothering to keep his voice down. Eddie glanced at the driver, who was clearly listening but pretending to pay them no mind.

“I took anxiety meds an hour ago,” Eddie said, stuffing the bottle filled with various pills back in his pocket. “That was a pain pill, for my cheek.”

“Dude, you took two pain pills after it happened,” Richie said warily. “Isn’t there a limit? On like, how much you can take in twelve hours or something?”

“Are you my fucking doctor?” Eddie snapped, glancing out the window.

“Just… looking out for you. What the fuck ever, forgive me for fucking trying.”

Eddie sighed loudly, grimacing at the pain it caused in his cheek.

They sat in silence for the last ten minutes of the ride, and Eddie made sure to tip the driver for not saying anything the entire time. The emergency room wasn’t crowded; it was a weekday evening, and there seemed to be no outbreak of any virus causing hoards of kids to take up the seats of the waiting room. Eddie went to the front desk to check in as Richie flopped into a chair at the edge of the room.

“Half an hour,” he told him, sitting a chair away. Richie gave him an amused look but didn’t comment. “Now that you know I’m not going to run away, you can go.”

Richie rolled his eyes. “I’m not leaving, shithead.”

“Why not?”

“Because we’re friends?” Richie said, though it sounded like a question he wanted Eddie to answer.

Eddie shook his head. “Stan was right, Rich. We don’t know each other anymore. I’m a different person than I was at 13.”

“Why does that mean we can’t get to know each other again? We were best friends then, who’s to say we can’t be best friends now?”

My wife, Eddie wanted to say, but bit his tongue.

“It doesn’t work like that,” he said instead. His right knee had started bouncing, so he crossed his foot over his left knee. He wished he could take another Valium, but with the way Richie reacted to his pill bottle in the car he wasn’t going to risk it. Richie didn’t understand that he’d been taking these medications since he was 20, he had to take a little more than most people because his body had built up a bit of a resistance, but it was fine. A lot of people have to up their doses over the years.

“Why are you trying so hard not to be my friend?”

“Why are you trying so hard to be my friend?” Eddie countered. He knew he sounded like a little kid but he couldn’t help it. Richie could irritate him like no one else.

“Because whether you think so or not, I still care about you,” Richie said bluntly. “Sorry if that’s a fucking inconvenience to you, but a space demon making me forget you for half my life isn’t going to change that.”

Eddie laughed against his will. “A space demon?”

“Well, what the fuck else could he have been?!”

“A clown?”

“How many clowns do you know that can shapeshift, Eddie?”

Eddie rolled his eyes, biting his lip to keep from smiling. Fuck this guy, honestly. Nobody irritated him the way Richie Tozier did, but nobody made him laugh quite as easily, either. He hated it. Hated how proud Richie got when Eddie laughed at his jokes, the gleam in his eye as he realized that he’d given Eddie a good chuck.

“Seriously, though,” Richie said, holding eye contact. His glasses had a crack in the corner of the left eye, and Eddie focused on that. “Now that we’ve got each other back we can’t just… Drift apart again. You know I’m not serious often and this is physically paining me to say, but –“

“You’re so dramatic,” Eddie sighed. “Just – it’s not logical. Where do you live? LA, right? I live in New York. We’re literally on opposite sides of the country.”

“Hey, Eds,” Richie whispered loudly. “There’s this new invention, it’s called the internet –“

“Beep beep,” Eddie rolled his eyes. The corner of his mouth twitched.

“I could fuckin FaceTime you daily. I could FaceTime you while on stage, show the whole audience your pretty face!”

“I don’t like that.”

“Fine. Not on stage. From my hotel rooms on tour, though,” he said with a waggle of his brows. Eddie glared at him. He shrugged, letting the conversation end. Eddie stared at his foot, crossed over his knee. It was shaking midair. He wasn’t nervous about the stitches, though he wasn’t exactly thrilled about it either, so why did he feel like he was vibrating out of his skin? Like a fist had grabbed his heart and was squeezing and –

He shuddered. Okay, bad metaphor.

But he was nervous. Past nervous. Anxious. It didn’t feel like he’d taken his anxiety pills at all. Richie’s words kept running through his head, telling him how they could be friends now.

He didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to think about FaceTiming Richie or whether they’d all be friends after this because he was resolutely not thinking about After This. He refused to think about the wife he had waiting for him in Queens, who had sent him over a hundred texts since he’d left. His phone had been on do not disturb for a while now – there was no telling how many times she’d called. She’d probably called all his work friends, too, asking where he was. He hated to think what their answers would be.

The work friends that invited him to the bars and then pointed out guys for him, laughing the whole time. The work friends who, when referring to Myra, made sure to add finger quotes over the word “wife”. The work friends who had asked the exact same question Richie had when he’d first started: You’re married? To a woman?

They’d probably tell Myra he was off with some male lover for a vacation, that he’d run away to be with some guy he’d met online, that he went to meet up with an old childhood friend who had always been more than a friend.

Each thought made him more nauseous than the last.

“All patched up?”

Eddie nodded, his prescription clutched tightly in his hand.

“What’s that for?” Richie asked, glancing down at the white paper.

“Prescription,” he said, breathing in deeply as they stepped outside. He noticed Richie on his own phone, calling a car.

“For?”

“Can you get off my dick about medication?” Eddie snapped, heart racing. He wasn’t even sure why he cared so much, why it made him so nervous that Richie seemed so interested in what pills he was taking.

“So it’s more pain meds,” Richie said, ignoring the outburst. “On top of the pain pills that you already happened to have. For what, exactly?”

“None of your fucking business, Richie,” he said. “If you’re trying to convince me to be your friend, you’re doing a really shitty job of it.”

“I think I’m probably doing a better job of being your friend than anyone you’ve been friends with in the last 27 years.”

Eddie turned to him, eyebrows raised. “And why is that?”

“Because whatever assholes you’re friends with now apparently aren’t doing anything about the fact that you take pills with alcohol, or that you have a bottle filled with who-fucking-knows-what in your pocket.”

Eddie didn’t know what to say. Luckily, a black car stopped in front of them and without saying a word, Richie walked to it and got inside. Eddie followed, and they sat in silence again. It was past midnight by the time they returned to the Inn, and when they stepped inside the lobby was empty.

Ignoring Richie’s presence at his side, Eddie began to walk toward the stairs, stopping on the first step when Richie said his name.

“I thought we were gonna talk,” he said.

“Are you kidding?”

“Eddie, come on, man.”

Eddie walked back to Richie, eyes narrowed. “You want me to open up to you after you accused me of – of – fucking… Whatever!?”

“I’m not accusing you of anything, Eds,” Richie said quietly. He was looking directly into Eddie’s eyes. It felt like too much, and Eddie looked down at the floor. “I just wanted to make sure you’re being safe and taking care of yourself.”

“It’s not any of your concern,” Eddie answered after a moment. Somehow they were standing in each other’s space; he could feel Richie’s body heat, was looking at Richie’s shoes as he stared downward.

“I care about you, Eds,” Richie stressed before taking a large step back. “We all do. Even if you don’t talk to me, talk to one of us, please.”

His face felt hot. He closed his eyes tightly against tears that threatened to fall, let his hands ball up into fists.

“Eddie, what’s wrong?” Richie pleaded.

He broke. One hand flew up to cover his mouth, trying to hide the sob that escaped his throat. He could hear Richie moving closer, feel his arms wrap around him and lead them to the couch. He tried to wipe his tears before they reached the bandage on his cheek, but they were coming too quickly. Richie was saying his name but it felt like he was underwater, like a barrier was keeping him from hearing clearly. He sucked in a deep breath and cried harder when his chest burned. He didn’t know what was happening around him, too focused on breathing through his mouth instead of his nose, which had stuffed up since the tears had started coming.

It took a long time for him to calm down. His mind raced with thoughts of Myra and the messages waiting for him on his phone. The dread he felt like a weight in his stomach at the notion of seeing her again, of having to explain why he left, where he’d been, what had happened to his face. He thought about work and the office filled with people he hated, and wondered why he’d spent the last three years pretending to like them. He thought about the way his mind had kept wandering the entire time he’d been in Derry, and how it reminded him of being a kid. He hadn’t been so aware of it when he was a kid, just how much he thought about Richie, but as an adult it was hard to miss. The sign at the pharmacy had large lettering and he thought about how Richie would be able to read it without his glasses. He saw a police car drive by and thought about Richie’s Irish Cop Voice from when they were kids. He saw the way Ben and Beverly looked at each other and he thought about what it would feel like to have Richie’s eyes on him like that. He saw them kiss underwater in the quarry and wondered what Richie’s lips would taste like.

He thought about his mom, how she’d always made comments about how dirty Richie was, and how he was going to get Eddie dirty, too. If only she’d known that it was the other way around. Even if he hadn’t realized it at the time, he knew his crush on Richie began when they were kids. He could remember that urge to always be near him, to always be touching him somehow, to be the one to make him laugh. And being hit with those feelings again now was sickening. He had a wife.

He had a wife that he didn’t love.

How did he not realize that you shouldn’t dread going home to the person you love? How did he ignore the way his mind drifted during sex? How did he convince himself just as much as her that the reason he couldn’t perform was because of his medications? It felt so obvious now, in Derry, that he’d never felt anything but resignation about his marriage. Of course this is who he would end up with. He needed someone to take care of him, someone to make sure he took all his medication, to make sure his inhaler was always filled, to remind him that chewing gum made his jaw pain worse, to make sure he remembered his jacket on chilly mornings and his boots on rainy days. He needed someone to keep him safe, secure, secluded, sedated.

He couldn’t stop thinking about the years he’d wasted; first, the years spent staying by his mother’s side, coming back after he’d left because the guilt was so heavy. Then, those years between her death and meeting Myra, that he’d holed up in a one-bedroom apartment and focused on nothing but his job, being the most efficient risk analyst there was, taking his pills every day and using his inhaler and not letting anyone close. And finally, the years with Myra. From their third date she’d sunk her claws into him and poisoned him with loving kindness. She’d trapped him with medication reminders and rides to each of his doctor’s appointments and weekly pickups from the pharmacy. She’d chained him with understanding and sympathy.

He couldn’t go back. He knew he couldn’t, and he knew that was why his chest had been so tight since the end. He hadn’t expected to survive. When he left Myra, he’d left with the knowledge that he would never return. He had assumed he would never return because he’d be dead, but now… Now he had a choice. He could crawl back home with his tail between his legs, and Myra would make sure he took his pain pills every four hours and his anxiety pills every six. She’d make sure he got his sleeping pill half an hour before bed and his heartburn pill half an hour before dinner. She’d pick up a new inhaler from the pharmacy and cook his favorite meals and cry when he couldn’t answer her questions.

Or.

What would he even do? He had a job, he had a home. Where would he go? Would he have to rent another one-bedroom? Slowly slip back into that lonely existence where nothing happened between work and home?

He hadn’t realized Richie’s arms were wrapped around him until he finally breathed in without a sharp pain racing through his chest. He wasn’t sure how long it had been, but Richie was just silently holding him, hand occasionally running up and down his back. They were rocking back and forth a little.

He brought his hands up to his face, reaching over Richie’s arms, and wiped his tears, grimacing at the moisture that had collected in his bandage. He’d need to replace it before he went to sleep. He began to sit up, pushing against Richie’s chest where his head had fallen, and Richie released his arms. He was surprised to see red-rimmed eyes behind thick glasses.

“You okay?” Richie whispered. No one was around, and Eddie was sure the others were all upstairs asleep, but somehow they both recognized this would be easier to talk about in hushed voices.

“Not really,” he admitted, sniffling. He wasn’t as aware of their closeness now, like his body had gotten used to the feeling of Richie and had decided it was good, that he didn’t need to focus so much on every place they touched. “We can have that talk now.”

“Do you remember when we’d have sleepovers?” Richie asked, though he didn’t wait for an answer before continuing. “We used to have these deep conversations at like, one in the morning, about the future and what we wanted to do and who we wanted to be…”

“At least it worked out for one of us,” Eddie managed, sending Richie a sad smile.

“Maybe career-wise,” Richie shrugged. “Although after the way I bolted offstage I don’t know that I even have that anymore. But I’m not happy. I wanted to get married and have a dog and a cool apartment in the middle of a city with a big wall of windows. Do you remember that? And you wanted a big house with a pool in the backyard and a cat who had a litterbox that never smelled bad.”

Eddie snorted at the memory. “Maybe they’ve come up with the technology for that by now.”

“So no cat?”

“No,” Eddie sighed. “Allergies.”

Richie frowned. Before he could say anything Eddie put a hand up. “Yeah, I know. But I spent the last twenty-something years believing… I mean…”

“I know,” Richie said.

“You know how much medication I take every day?” Eddie asked suddenly, sitting up. “I take Valium every 4 hours as needed, but of course my chest is tight all the time and I always feel nervous so I usually take it every time. I take it so often it doesn’t even make me tired anymore. Then I take a pain pill every six hours because I have a TMJ disorder that makes my jaw hurt, and the pain goes all the way up to my temple and behind my ear and down the back of my neck. And I have to take heartburn pills before I eat, a sleeping pill before I sleep. I take an allergy pill after dinner, I use my inhaler constantly, I take seven different vitamins daily…”

Richie opened his mouth to say something but closed it, looking at Eddie with his own painful expression.

“I don’t want you to – to feel sorry for me, okay? I get enough of that from my wife. I’m not some poor delicate weak damsel in distress who needs protecting, even though that’s what I’ve thought for the last 27 years, and all 13 years minus a few months before that.”

“I don’t feel sorry for you,” Richie corrected. “And I don’t think you’re weak. In fact, you may recall me telling you just how brave I think you are. But now that you know you don’t need all that stuff…”

“But I do, that’s the point!”

“What?”

“Maybe I don’t need to be waited on hand and foot but I’m still anxious as fuck all the time. I still hurt. I still can’t fall asleep on my own. It’s like my mother willed me into actual sickness, into needing to take all these pills every day.”

“Fuck that,” Richie said, voice increasing in volume. “Seriously. Your mom was an awful person but she’s fucking dead and she can’t control you anymore. You’ve just gotta… I dunno man, go to therapy, stop taking so many Valium, dude, seriously, and get the fuck away from your wife. Maybe your life is never gonna be perfect, and you’ll never be the pinnacle of health, but you can be happy. At least happier than you are now.”

“I’m not happy at all now,” Eddie admitted, biting his lip. “I don’t know if I even know what happiness feels like.”

“I thought I didn’t,” Richie told him. “When I came back to Derry, I realized how empty I’d been for so long without realizing it. I tried to think back to when I was younger, after college, and I realized I wasn’t even happy when I was with Sandy. That was probably the best part of my adult life and even then I was only okay. But the more I remembered that summer, the years before that summer when it was just you, me, Bill, and Stan… I was happy then. I think you were, too. Maybe not all the time, because your mom fucking sucked, but… When it was just us, we were all happy. That’s why I –“

Eddie swallowed thickly. “That’s why you want us to be friends again so badly.”

Richie nodded, wiping beneath his eyes. “I just remember how much I loved you guys, how happy I was with you, and I know we can be like that again.”

Eddie didn’t answer for a moment. He turned his head, looked around the empty hotel lobby and listened to the sound of Richie’s breathing. Finally, he looked straight into bright blue eyes.

“Do you think I should get a divorce?”

Richie made a noise, something between a laugh and a sob, before he spoke. “That’s not up to me, Eds. If you’re – if you –“

“If I’m gay?” Eddie’s voice was barely audible.

“Yeah,” Richie whispered back. “If you are, then… It’s not really fair to either of you. To stay together, I mean. But it’s your choice. I can’t make the decision for you.”

“Do you…” he looked down, unable to see Richie’s reaction to the question. His heart pounded with nerves. “Do you want me to get a divorce?”

It was quiet apart from Richie’s labored breathing. Eddie kept staring at their laps.

“Sorry,” Eddie said. “I shouldn’t have…”

“What I want doesn’t matter, Eds,” Richie answered finally. Eddie wasn’t sure if he’d understood all that Eddie was asking. Eddie wasn’t even sure what he was asking. What would he have done if Richie had said yes? That wouldn’t necessarily mean anything about how he feels for Eddie. It would just mean he wants what’s best for his friend. Besides, Eddie wouldn’t even… If he does get a divorce, if that was what Richie wanted… He doesn’t know if he’d even be able to –

To what? To be in a relationship with Richie? To love him out loud, for anyone to see? Just the thought made him want to run up the stairs, crawl into the bed and never come back out. He couldn’t think about it, maybe one day he would be ready to consider being with a man, but he wasn’t there yet. He couldn’t even imagine the concept of being with a man that wasn’t Richie. Sure, he found others attractive, was attracted to them, but… How was he supposed to fall in love with one when Richie was right there? When he knew Richie existed?

“I guess I have a lot to think about,” Eddie finally said, looking back up at Richie. He looked tired, bruises beneath his eyes, glasses slipping down his nose. His hair was messy, evidence of how much he’d run his hands through it since his shower before dinner. His lips were red, like he’d been biting them throughout the conversation, like he’d been uncomfortable. But he nodded at him, stood up, and offered a hand out to Eddie. He took it, muttered, “thanks,” and followed Richie up the stairs. They said a quick and quiet goodnight and when Eddie entered his room he placed his prescription on the bedside table and went to the bathroom to replace his bandage. He noticed someone had cleaned up the blood from Bowers’ attack, though there still was no curtain in his shower. He sent a silent thanks to whichever of his friends had been there before he quickly replaced his bandage. He grabbed a t-shirt from his suitcase, kicking his jeans off and changing tops. His suitcases sat open on the floor, everything inside folded neatly and placed perfectly. He stared at the endless pill bottles in his toiletries bag and felt sick. His sleeping pill was the third from the right. His allergy pill was to the left of that. It wasn’t time for a pain pill yet, the first bottle in the long line, but normally he would take it anyway since he’d be sleeping when the four-hour mark passed.

He ignored them all, closed the suitcase, and crawled into bed.

He stared at the wall for two hours. Finally, fighting tears, he got back out of bed and reached into his bag. He grabbed the third bottle from the right, popped off the lid, and dry swallowed one tablet. Then he picked up another bottle, the first on the left, and shook two pills out into his hand. He swallowed those, too. With a heavy heart, he placed his head back on the pillow and fell asleep.

#eddie month

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hale-13 · 3 years ago

Note

Happy FanFic Writer Friday!

Can you give us three of the most angsty and three of the fluffiest fanfics/one-shots you have along with sharing a few lines from them? They can either be a posted story or wip you're working on :)

Happy (beyond late because I have been a hot mess recently) FFWF! <3

So sorry this took so long - I wanted to give it the time it deserved and, since my job consists of staring at a dog in an O2 cage all night, I happen to have plenty of time! For the sake of everyone’s dash, I’ve added a cut below :)

Angsty

99.99% of what I write is angst so this is a little difficult but lets put this from least to most (in my opinion anyway lol)

Slipping Through the Cracks

“Better if he leaves you now,” a little voice in his head whispered. “It’s better to be alone.” And maybe at one point he would have fought against that mindset but now he couldn’t help but agree. Peter destroyed everything he touched and everyone around him was doomed for misery. Better for Ned to get out while he could.

Caliber

I’m not going to share any lines from this as it may be triggering to some. I’ve wanted to cover gun violence for a long time - I don’t often get political on the internet/in my fics but this is a cause I believe in strongly. I could get on a massive rant about common sense gun regulations and how America is failing our youth but I’ll spare you. This fic is not the best and it was hard for me to read through again and again to proof it but I plan on revisiting it at a later point to improve it some.

Crimes of Opportunity

Peter wakes up with a gasp that quickly disintegrates into a series of painful coughs. His entire body aches and pulses like a giant bruise and his chest feels like its on fire. When he’s finally able to kind of catch his breath he tries to look around. Wherever he is is pitch black. The distinct smell of rot surrounds him and he shivers. He’s on his side, crammed in an uncomfortable position with something cold and damp resting over his legs and against his back.

He tries to shift his legs, tries to move the weight off of them and feels it shift sickeningly against his bare calves, the sound of skin brushing skin echoing in the small space and Peter gags in realization.

“Not right now,” he tells himself as bile rises, burning his esophagus and the back of his tongue before he can swallow it down. “You can’t right now.”

He should have listened to Tony, Peter realizes, and it may be one of the biggest regrets of his life. He should have listened when Tony told him to stay out of it.

“If I get out of here,” he bargains with himself, “If I get out of here.”

Fluff

Ugh this was the hard part! I have very little fluff so I’m picking my fav fluffy scenes in no particular order :)

We Can’t Have Faith for Everybody - Chapter 9

“I trust you,” Peter’s voice is still a little hoarse and he’s sure his own eyes are red rimmed but he does trust and believe her.

MJ suddenly lets out a snort of laughter and grabs his other hand in hers, leaning in to peck him on the lips. “We have this whole penthouse to ourselves with no parental supervision and we’re literally crying in the doorway,” she cackles out and Peter starts laughing with her, both of them a little hysterical and leaning on each other for support as they crack up. It takes a few minutes for it to die down to giggles but they do eventually collect themselves. Peter pulls her in the direction of the living room.

“Want to watch The Office and make out?” He asks, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively and causing Michelle to laugh at him again.

“Duh loser,” she answers with a smile.

The Softest of Endings

As the intro to Finding Nemo started, Tony reached over to snake his arm around Peter’s shoulders to carefully pull him into his side. Peter went willingly and then went nearly boneless when Tony threaded his fingers into Peter’s hair and started untangling it. They watched the movie in silence for a bit, Peter resting more and more into Tony’s side before it fell asleep – all before the school of fish even went on their field trip.

Tony continued to massage Peter’s head as the movie played quietly in the background and couldn’t help but think about how lucky he was to have the kid in his life. Sure, Peter had definitely shaved a few years of his life and was the reason his hair stylist still had a job but Tony wouldn’t trade it for anything. And, as much as he may bitch, the recovery may be his favorite part. Days spent lounging around watching movies and cuddled up with his kid?

Heaven.

Repressing the urge to grin, Tony leant over and gave Peter and gentle kiss on the side of the head before relaxing back and letting his own eyes slip shut. An afternoon nap sounded just about perfect to him.

Conditioned

Tony let out a soft chuckle, squirting a healthy dollop of the shampoo into his hands and lathering it up before applying it to Peter’s hair, working through the snarls and tangles with care and scrubbing the leftover blood out of the curls. Peter went nearly boneless under his ministrations and Tony would definitely be lying if he said he didn’t milk the washing and conditioning portion at least a little bit. He knew that Peter had to be feeling pretty miserable and it settled something buried deep inside him to provide just a little extra comfort.

All too soon, though, he had rinsed out the last of the conditioner leaving Peter’s hair clean and dripping as he turned off the water. Peter made no move to get up or to open his eyes, breathing deeply and seemingly on the very verge of sleep, so Tony grabbed one of the towels and started to wring the extra water out of the kid’s hair, running the towel through it cautiously. “Just need you to sit up for a second here kiddo okay? Then you can nap, scout’s honor.”

Sorry this took so long!!

#happy ffwf!#ffwf #thanks for the ask!

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howemancing · 3 years ago

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WIP Wednesday

I’m going to pretend @dreadfutures tagged me because she said it was open. I started a Flufy Modern AU one shot version of my main OC Elspeth Cousland and Nathaniel Howe which has been a ton of fun to play in. Problem is, I need to work on the pacing, because my main pair just spend the entire time teasing each other. One day I’ll come back and turn this into a fully fledged fic. I’ve never posted stories directly to tumblr before so this is about to be an adventure in HTML -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Soldering pedals was one of Elsa’s great joys in life. It was simple, straightforward, necessary, and immediately rewarding. Working on music could be richly satisfying in its own right, of course, but sometimes she just wanted a project with a clear goal and obvious outcome. And as a bonus, she could listen to whatever tracks she or her collaborators had made, with half a mind to future tweaks even as she worked.

Shadow suddenly perked up at her feet, a sure sign that Delilah was home, before turning into a barking dancing ball of energy as she raced towards the doorway. Her mutt was just barely well trained enough not to bump her owner while she was working, but it made her nervous all the same.

“Hey, ‘Lilah, because I know you love me, would you be willing to take the monster out while you’re still bundled up?” she called out in amusement. “I’m just in shorts and a sweater over here.” She didn’t hear a response, but her faithful mutt’s barking began to get more muted, even through her headphones.

She let herself get caught up in her work once more, finishing the last few wires that needed attaching. Elsa Cousland stood, stretching energy into stiff limbs, wandering over to their kitchen to check on the stewing cordero al vino. Soon enough, she heard the barking of Shadow in the hallway, apparently particularly excitable tonight as she returned. Her faithful mutt didn’t usually stay hyper this long when Delilah came home.

Keys jingled in the doorway, letting in the hyperactive pup, but Elsa’s attention was caught up blowing on the broth, eager to sample if it was coming along alright. “Geez, Lilah, do you have bacon in your pocket or something?”

“Heard a number of odd pick up lines before, but that one’s rather new,” a different, comforting voice graveled at her. Elsa started in surprise. It can’t be, she thought, even as she whirled. Nathaniel Howe was leaning in the doorway. Of course there was a faint smirk on his face, helmet in hand, and he would choose to look quite so dashing in his snow dusted leather coat. “But yes, I am happy to see you.”

“NATE!” she breathlessly enthused, dropping the spoon and launching herself at the man.

He grinned, catching her into a tight hug, wonderful chuckles rumbling through his chest. Despite the cold he brought in, warmth of a different kind seared through her.

“Hey, Elsa,” he breathed, his cologne such a wonderful, familiar scent. “Miss me?”

“You can’t possibly need to ask, you dork,” she murmured back, voice muffled by his chest. She pulled back to beam up at him, trying to ignore how easily he made her heart flip. Piercing grey eyes crinkled at her, peering past that wonderful aquiline nose. A faint blush from winter’s cold colored his cheeks, all while a smile danced across his lips. His sharp chin sporting that same soul patch she remembered so well.

Nathaniel Howe, back after over a year of international travel. Smiling at her, daring to act even a fraction as happy to see her as she was him.

She shoved down her pounding heart with firm internal rebuke. She didn’t have a crush on the man anymore, really. Clearly this was just the affection of having missed a man she cared dearly for - as a friend! Her energy would settle soon enough.

Around their feet, her mutt danced, still bouncing ecstatically, and one particularly affectionate bump nearly knocked Elsa over if Nathaniel hadn’t tightened his hug and righted her. “Shadow, couch,” she ordered with exasperation, and obediently the dog quieted, following her owner’s command. Ponderously she climbed on, mournfully huffing as she curled up on the cushion. Large, sad puppy eyes demanded an explanation for such a betrayal, but her supposedly morose demeanor was rather cut by a wagging tail steadily thumping on the cushions.

“It’s so wonderful to see you,” Elsa repeated warmly to Nate. “I missed you so much. I can’t believe you’re here! Have you had dinner? Can you stay? I’m making cordero al vino. Ori’s recipe.”

“It smells amazing, but I don’t want to trouble you,” Nathaniel demurred.

“Doctor Nathaniel Howe! Don’t be ridiculous, do you see the size of that pot? Besides, I will not be denied the chance to play host, or the pleasure of your company,” she growled, playfully thumping him in the chest.

“I am still not used to that title,” he mused, shaking his head, eyes crinkling with amusement. She giggled. “I’ll have to help you get used to it then, Dr. Howe. Indiana Jones wannabe-”

“Great, good. Years in the field and that’s never gotten old.”

“Professional artifact thief.”

“I am not a thief, I do nothing of the sort! I don’t even - I work in Greece, I’m mostly just surveying, and you - ah. You know this, of course you know this, and you’re winding me up.” Nathaniel sighed, rubbing his nose and trying not to smirk. “Why am I such an easy mark for you?”

Her brown eyes sparkled with humorous delight, grin bursting past all efforts to control it. “I mean, that goes both ways and you know it,” she pointed out, and he had to smirk, dipping his head in concession. “Please, settle in, make yourself at home. I should warn you, I’m likely to strongly insist you stay the night.”

“Oh?”

She gestured out the window. “Look at the weather. Did you really not know a major winter storm was coming? I don’t even want Delilah taking public in this, though I imagine she’s thinking the same. Her decision, in the end.”

He hesitated, frame stilling as he shed his coat. “Oh. Just you and me, then?”

Nerves flashed through her. She kept her tone light, offhand. “Is that a problem? Need me to invite other friends?”

“Of course not, but I feel bad for interrupting your, ah, special date night. And I don’t mean to force you to entertain me.”

She rolled her eyes, exasperated, worries settled. “Nathaniel. It’s fine. I’d really prefer you didn’t try and take your bike in the storm that’s about to hit, but I’ll not pressure you. If you can put up with a slightly more humble abode than you’re used to, oh mighty Doctor Nathaniel-”

“-I feel as though you vastly overestimate the lifestyle of a non medical doctor.”

“-we’d be more than happy to have you stay. Especially for safety’s sake. If you can’t fit on the couch, you can stay in my bed.” He raised an eyebrow at her and she flushed, quickly continuing as if nothing were wrong. “Instead of me! I can sleep out here, I’ve spent more than one night on this couch.”

He smiled faintly, though his eyes looked distant. “I’m sure both you and Delilah have.”

“If it weighs on the scale, I’d like to pester you with a thousand questions as your rent for the night. Plus, you’ll have to give that shameless flirt - the one with a tail - all the attention she craves.”

Nathaniel grinned, piercing grey eyes sparkling and flipping her stomach in knots. “Such a price. Are you trying to threaten me with a good time? You know I’d pay it a dozen times over.” Her heart pounded within her, but she shoved that down. Nathaniel loved dogs. “But wouldn’t I just be in your way?”

“Nate, don’t joke like that. I haven’t seen you in forever!”

“A year and a half!” She huffed at him, and he quickly held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “I just thought you’d rather - well. I appreciate the offer. Hm.” He checked out the window, noticing the snow flakes getting thicker. “Maybe I will take you up on it, at least for tonight. Mind if I go down and cover my bike, then?”

“Excellent! Good choice,” she praised, and his eyes crinkled in amusement. “And go for it. Dinner should be ready in another ten minute or so.”

“I look forward to it. And the promised thousand questions,” he added with a faint smirk, heading out.

Elsa watched him go, double checking on the lamb with sudden nerves, buzzing with excitement that wasn’t suspicious. It was normal to be this happy to see an old friend. Those butterflies were just clearly the natural excitement of being surprised. But the growing snow worried her, so she found her phone to make sure her roommate wasn’t enroute, and realized she’d missed several texts from Delilah

Nathaniel’s back in down, you don’t mind if I invite him to dinner, right?

Hey

Check your damn phone buttface. He’s on his way.

Also I’m going to stay at Albert’s tonight. It’s much closer and work held me up. If you end up fucking my brother, please don’t tell me.

I lied, please tell me

No don’t.

Look tell me but I don’t want details. I just want to know it happened finally.

Exasperated, she rolled her eyes, and set about responding.

Fucks sake, I’m sorry! I was working on soldering, alright? It’s fine, your brother’s here safely, happy to see him and entertain. He’s going to stay the night

No I’m not gonna sleep with him. Have to get him drunk first so he’ll even want to and that makes the whole thing too bleh for me

Can’t believe you abandoned me on date night, bitch

I’m kidding. Glad you’re staying with Albert but duh. Even without snow, when was the last time you spent the night here? Tell them I said hi

Soon enough, Nathaniel returned, and was promptly attacked by Shadow. He pretended at irritation, but a smirking grin kept fighting against his scowl even as she twined around his legs and forced him to sit with her on the couch.

Elsa smiled, watching him rubbing Shadow’s belly to her obvious delight, letting him have a moment of calm. Soon enough, though, he looked up, raising an eyebrow. “So quiet all of a sudden, should I be nervous? I believe you threatened me with a thousand questions.”

“Just giving you a moment to settle in!” she defended solicitously.

A faint half smirk traced his lips. “Consider me settled.”

It was like a floodgate releasing. “How’s Greece? Are you still doing GIS? Were you able to start any digs, discover any good sites, and find any exciting sherds? Meet any interesting new people?”

Nathaniel chuckled, and his eyes briefly went unfocused, clearly trying to keep track of each of her questions. “Rapid fire questions get rapid fire answers. Greece is good, surveying is excellent, I think we've identified a very interesting new site, specifically because yes, we found a number of interesting sherds. And no, nobody particularly interesting we haven’t already emailed about.” He shook his head, bemused. “This isn’t even your kind of field, and you’re not my family, forced to pretend. How do you remember this much? Even Delilah glazes over whenever I try to explain it.”

“Please, you underestimate how interesting you make things. Besides, ‘Lilah always remembers, she’s just trying to yank your soul patch. Which I note you still have, and so I’ve now lost a bet with her.”

Self consciously, Nathaniel stroked it. “I think it looks good.”

“It does,” she soothed with a teasing grin. “I just didn’t think those were easy to maintain. Surprised you can keep up such careful grooming in the field.”

“Some things are worth the effort. Besides, you’re one to talk! You’re here in the middle of a city, and yet your hair’s getting so long,” he retorted. “When’s the last time you got a haircut?”

She mockingly gasped theatrically, tossing her long auburn hair. She hoped it would cascade beautifully but realistically knew she was just getting a floofy mess and shedding behind her. “Hey, I get it trimmed regularly. Besides, don’t you mock my hair, it’s my only good feature, Nate!” she baited him, raising a teasing eyebrow.

“That’s not even slightly true,” he protested.

“How very dare you, good sir. I can’t believe you just called my hair ugly.”

“I did nothing of the sort.”

“I work so hard on it, too!”

“Your hair is beautiful, and so is-”

Theatrically she pressed a hand to her forehead, sighing dramatically. “And now Nathaniel Howe, Expert P-H-D, just called it ugly. Alas! I’ve disappointed my dear Delilah’s brother. Now she’ll hate me too. Curse my miserable existence! I suppose there’s no help for it, I’ll just have to shave it all off.”

Nathaniel was outright laughing by the time her performative and overwrought display was done. “So dramatic. You are such a ridiculous ham,” he teased her. “You would never do such a thing. You know your hair is beautiful.”

She grinned at him, joy bursting out of her too much to be contained. “Can’t help the drama. I’m too excited, it’s hard to play at calm.” She performatively covered her mouth, then, and by the time she removed her hand, her smile was slightly better controlled, though her twinkling eyes betrayed her still. “Sorry, I promise I’ll try to settle down again. This is what you get for surprising me, Nate. My favorite - one of my favorite people is back in town, I’m a little eager!”

He settled slightly, smiling warmly at her, grey eyes dancing with light that made her heart flip within her. “Favorite? Please. Don’t exaggerate, you heartbreaker,” he teased, and as she geared up to protest, he continued, eyes softer, careful smile dancing on his features. “I missed you too, Elsa. It’s - it’s really good to see you again, energy and all. Especially that, actually. I loved your emails but they always lack a little something compared to seeing you face to face.”

She smiled warmly back, trying not to flush. “I know what you mean,” she agreed. “I’m so glad you could come back early. How long are you back this time?”

“Likely a couple years, actually. We’ve all but got the permit to dig in Greece so now it’s just applying for grants for awhile until we have enough to fund an actual dig. I’m probably going to be staying near the university, working on data analysis and grant and paper writing.”

Elsa tried not to let her tremor of excitement show. Cool as a cucumber. Casual. Not at all a silly, lovesick girl. Because it would be ridiculous. She couldn’t actually be still crushing on a man she should have the good sense to get over by now.

But.

A part of her couldn’t help but note this would be the first time in years they’d be local and single for an appreciable time frame. Most of Nathaniel’s graduate career had been intercut with international travel spanning for months on end, often rarely spending more than a season in the country. Last time he was in town for 6 consecutive months, she’d been dating Sebastian, and before that, he’d had some long distance relationship with someone or other. Alvina? Elvira? Damn, she probably shouldn’t be forgetting that.

Nerves would betray her, so she diverted to practical matters. “Oh? That’s wonderful to hear. Where will you be staying?”

“Mostly working out of the university, so I’ll probably settle in with father while I look for a place around here.”

Elsa made a face even as she poured herself a glass of wine. “You really want to live with your father? I thought you didn’t get along with him either.”

Nathaniel sighed, shrugging. “Well, I didn’t exactly have an alternative set up. It’s just to tide me over until I can get an apartment.”

“Stay here!” she insisted. “We can put you up for however long it takes to find a place.”

“That’s a kind offer, but I’m not sure Delilah would appreciate it.”

“‘Lilah would much rather you stay here than with your father, trust me,” Elsa pressed, taking a seat on the couch with him. “Double check with her if you prefer, but I’ll put money down I’m right.”

“I’ll think about it,” Nathaniel demurred. “I’d rather not, ah. Be in either of your way, though. Wouldn’t it be awkward to have the older brother around, looming over you two?”

What a strange way to phrase things. But Nathaniel tended to be more careful in his word choice than others, and Elsa knew she’d probably thrown him off already with her energy and offer. “Not at all. I intend to be shameless regardless of your presence. We can have late night slumber parties!” she insisted cheerfully.

Nathaniel’s face flushed slightly, then, though it was hard to tell why. Nathaniel was a flirt himself, and quite smooth about it, so the idea that he was flustered from her flirtations was hard to buy. But then, it was possible she was coming across stronger than she realized. Best to back off, then. “Well, it’s your choice, but offer’s on the table.”

“I’ll talk with Delilah.”

#Howesland #f!cousland x nathaniel howe #Nathaniel Howe #Modern AU #Fanfiction #wip

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yanak324 · 5 years ago

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*Fanfic Friday* Rec List ☕️👓

Hi all. Happy Friyay! The only reason I even know what day this is, is because of this rec list so thank the fandom for that. One of my coworkers this week asked a very important question - what is time? I have not a goddamn clue, but what I do know is this week our fandom was FED. So many authors either posted something new or updated their WIPs and I could not be more grateful.

In addition to the stories below, check out my previous rec lists for those that have updated. And as always, please don’t forget to comment, leave kudos, bookmark, or even DM the author to let them know you liked their work. In this time especially, it’s important for us to encourage and support one another in our artistic/creative pursuits. Plus, it’ll inevitably result in more content and everyone knows we need it!

Happy Reading! 📕📗📘📙

Whenever I look up, there you are. by Cynar

This is a Gendrya/Far From the Madding Crowd AU and it’s *perfect,* utterly *perfect*. For those who haven’t read the novel or seen the movie, I won’t spoil. All I’ll say is Arya and Gendry are perfectly suited to fit the roles of the wild and unconventional Bathsheba and the reclusive, intense Mr. Gabriel. And we have so much left to go. I could not be more excited for a story!

Mate by @arsenicandfinelace

This is such a cute oneshot. Demisexual!Gendry unexpectedly falls for his younger best friend (Arya duh) and hilarity + sexiness ensues. Plus Hot Pie has his own dating woes, which had me cackling. Truly a lovely escape from reality from a supremely talented author. Couldn’t ask for a better treat.

Love in the Time of Quarantine by @fandomjuxtaposition

Speaking of cuteness AND quarantine, in this oneshot by one of my faves (and pretty prolific) writers, Arya and Gendry are forced to cancel their big, fancy wedding due to a pandemic. I’m sure this is happening all over the world right now, and this has a sweet, very Gendrya-esque resolution that’s guaranteed to melt even the coldest of hearts. It certainly melted mine 💖💍

our love full of storms by @alltheworldsinmyhead

I would be doing this lengthy oneshot a disservice if I called it a marriage crisis fic, but that’s kinda exactly what this is. Two kids, and a couple years later, Gendrya are in a rut, and this story takes on a journey of how they got together and what’s next for them as they deal with relationship issues. I don’t have kids and I’m not married, but I felt this so deeply, and that’s testament to this author’s ability to pull you right into the scene. Plus, this is one of the best Gendry characterizations I’ve ever read in a modern AU, so definitely worth the read. You will not be disappointed, I promise!

come be my love in the wet woods (and be my love in the rain) by @anupturnedboat

Reunion fics are my crack, but even if this isn’t your cup of tea, the dynamic between Arya and Gendry in this will surely hook you. Arya goes to Storm’s End post-S8 but Gendry isn’t exactly ready to sweep everything that happened between them under the rug. This leads to some delicious tension, good, honest conversation and a sweet and hopeful resolution that made me smile! Absolutely worth the read.

Sifting through waters by @tweedledeestwin

This story continues to be one of my favorite multi-chapter modern AUs out there. I normally don’t even like soulmate AUs, but this is done in such a unique, creative way that it feels perfectly suited to the narrative. This is absolutely a slow burn, but the sub-plot will keep you coming back for more. I love the universe this author created and I appreciate her commitment to writing the story exactly as she sees it. It inspires me as a writer and gets me hyped as a reader and I will never not recommend it!

Bonus: I’ve been rereading an oldie but goodie - The Beauty in the Deadly Things by @jenevajensen. This is the gold standard of post-S8 Gendrya canon, to me at least. It’s written incredibly well, features the best of Gendrya’s dynamic (read: these two are thirsty and devoted to each other) with some sweet OCs and perfect character interactions. If you haven’t read it, check it out. It’s absolutely worth the read.

#gendrya #arya x gendry #gendrya fanfiction #gendrya fic rec lists #yana's rec list #modern au #canon #oneshots #a little bit of everything #check out all the talent #and comment #comments are currency

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sonickedtrowel · 4 years ago

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1, 2, 4, 10, 20!!

Tell us about your current project(s) – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

Oh boy so I’m sure I must have mentioned it at some point but I won’t turn down a chance to ramble about it again: me and @regalpotato are working on a Day of the Doctor rewrite and I’m pretty psyched about it! Basically, Eight is there rather than War (although War does make an appearance!) and also River is there, because Duh, and there are other Things going on that are different from the episode/novel, but that’s spoilers and also still partially cooking in my brain, lol. It’s at 11k-ish right now but still pretty early in the story, too early to probably say what I will love most. But I’m having a ton of fun with it, especially the dialogue, and currently torturing Ten in every way I can think of. You know, lovingly torturing. For the most part.

That is the really big thing I’m excited about, but I do still have two prompts left from a couple weeks back (I didn’t forget you, anons!) and those are milling around in my head too waiting for inspiration to strike. 2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

No secret that I love writing multi-Doctor / River stories, and in fact having somewhat recently finished an 8 and 11 / River fic I will have to be on my toes to not repeat myself too much haha. But I just love getting everyone together and letting them yell at each other for a while - the best honestly - and then later we get Revealing Conversations about Feelings, as well as POV changing chapters. Not to overhype it but! I think it’s gonna be fun! Putting the rest under a cut because I am long-winded lol.

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

Hmmm I’ll pick something I like from the WIP that’s all my writing - this is from Night of the Doctor with Eight and Ohila, but it’s diverged from the original script here and iirc pretty much all new dialogue for Eight. I don’t normally write this sort of Doctor speech because I’m usually doing romance, but I can hear Paul McGann righteously shouting/soliloquizing in my head so I’m pretty happy with it: *** “What would you have me do?” the Doctor hissed. “What does your broken prophecy foretell? That I become one more loyal soldier in Gallifrey’s glorious army? I can join this fight and take a thousand lives, die a thousand deaths, and this war will still go on. The universe doesn’t need another soldier!” “Not a soldier,” said the Sister, “a warrior, with the power you’ve refused to wield. You could have destroyed the Daleks before they were even created.” “Yes, I could have done. And I didn’t, because I have no right! Whatever it is you think you can turn me into, Sister, you’ll continue to be disappointed. Because there’s one person who is always needed in a war: a good doctor, willing to help whomever they can. No matter if they’re despised, or called traitor— no matter who they lose or how many times they fail! There will always be more lives to save, and I’ll be there, helping, wherever I can. I only hope I’m strong enough to carry on doing it half as well as another doctor I knew.” ***

(Yes of course we have Liv Chenka references!) 10. How would you describe your writing process? It takes me forever to get ideas, but once I have a sort of general amorphous direction for the story and an emotional starting point for the characters, I just jump in. And then I keep getting shower thoughts about more and more stuff happening and what was supposed to just be some fun fluff starts growing a plot and getting wildly out of hand and this is just my life. I am very much not in control. 20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?) Ohhhh this is such a good question! Definitely going with There is a love I reminisce because there’s a lot going on under the surface in that fic and not all of it stated super explicitly. So um, huge spoilers below if you haven’t read it!

Manhattan and Trenzalore (both times) are essentially retconned, through a combination of River’s innate abilities and Eleven going around the timeline trying to do better after being confronted with his shortcomings in TNOTD. How the Doctor survived Utah is explained and it’s not because he was in a stupid robot. It spawns an implied post-Library reunion with River, Eleven and the Doctor’s oft-referenced and never quantified or named children from Gallifrey. It implies a different resolution to the Hybrid thing and an alternate series 10. And of course it uses BF’s far-superior Ravenous 4 plot twist to preemptively annihilate the timeless children crap, and a combination of Ravenous 4 and Doom Coalition 4 to make River basically a time goddess. But maybe my favorite thing was giving life to this headcanon of mine. IT CANNOT BE REFUTED! They’ve never said ANYTHING specific about his family so it’s free real estate baby!

*** “Yes, sorry to harp on about this, honey, but I think we can discuss the regeneration semantics later,” River cut in. “You’re saying I came back from your future to your distant past and just… stayed?”

“Well… yes, I think so. There were certain things we couldn’t discuss. I had always just assumed that I’d reached the end of my last regeneration and you weren’t too pleased with that, so… You know, describing it now, it does seem very irresponsible. But I don’t recall having any complaints.”

“No, I shouldn’t think you would.” River smiled, but her mind was racing. “How would that even work? Eventually, we’d come back round to when we first met on your end, and what, I wipe myself out of your memories? Selectively, for your entire lifetime? I think you might notice a little thing like that.”

“I suppose you must have had a plan for it, but I can’t remember it now. I just remember the two of us, together through the centuries.” He smiled fondly and River felt like the ache in her chest would strangle her. “I remember our family.”

“Our what?” she cried, as the older Doctor had a sudden choking fit.

“Our family. Our children and…” Dread slowly dawned on the young Doctor’s sweet face. “Oh, please, no,” he whispered. “Don’t tell me they’re… No, this happened! It happened in both versions of my memories!” He looked to his older self, panic-stricken. “Tell me you remember!”

“You had a family,” River soothed, as Babyface stumbled over his own tongue. “It just wasn’t with me.”

“What?” he laughed incredulously. “Who else would it be?”

“Your first wife, sweetie. I’m your second. Well, the second one that counts.”

“No, that’s— I’m sorry, that’s nonsense.” He turned to the older Doctor again. “You can’t tell her, is that it? Because she hasn’t done it yet? I’m sorry, River, maybe I shouldn’t have—”

“No!” Babyface shouted, finally collecting himself. “Yes, we— I had a family, on Gallifrey, before I ever left. River wasn’t there, obviously, because that’s not how anything works!”

“Who, then?” the young Doctor demanded. “Who was your first wife?”

“I— I— she was—” He opened and closed his mouth silently, looking increasingly horrified.

“You don’t like to talk about it,” River explained. “She passed away.”

“Yes, but just between me and myself,” the young Doctor pressed on with an utter absence of tact that made it easier than ever to see this was the same man before her, “who was she? And your children, what were their names?”

River hesitated, watching as the older Doctor wrestled with himself. These were details not even she had ever asked him for. She knew the general outline, of course, and that was enough. It was a hurt so deep and so impossibly ancient, she couldn’t truly imagine how distant it must be for him now. No sense in forcing him to open that door and dwell on it again.

“I, I don’t,” he finally muttered, looking almost fearful, “I don’t talk about it. I don’t think about it.”

“You’ve forgotten them,” the young Doctor said, voice low and furious. “How could you?”

“S-Susan,” Babyface stammered, wide-eyed. “I left Gallifrey with Susan.”

A relieved smile flashed across the young Doctor’s face. “And where did you suppose she came from?”

“No, she… I don’t…” Chair legs scraped abruptly across the tile as the older Doctor bolted up from his seat, white-faced, and stumbled back from the table.

“Doctor?” River stood, her hearts racing.

His eyes met hers for a split second, the strange terror in them sending a chill through her, and then he was gone like a shot.

“Doctor!” She made to chase after him, but his younger version was still clasping her hand.

“He’ll be fine,” he reassured her. “He’s just working it out.”

“Working it out?” she repeated, too stunned to reach out and grasp for the obvious. She turned to him in a daze. He smiled, and for a fleeting moment she fancied she could see the long contentment of a life she’d never dared dream of, etched in each little line on his older, younger face.

“I told you, River.” He laid his other hand over hers, warm and steady. “It was always you.” ***

#thank you so much for these they were great questions!!#i need to like shut up though these are such long answers lollllll #amillionmillionvoices

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chiliconsharls · 4 years ago

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i was tagged by @honestlyfrance. thanks for this, it’s so much fun!

WHICH OF YOUR FICS…

…did you think would get a bigger reaction/audience than it got?

writing for buckyrhodey it’s a guarantee that i’ll get low reaction but my on-going baby Distant Stars it’s a monster of a SteveTony fic disguised behind a so-far false pretense that is a shared fic with BuckyRhodey.

…got a better reaction than you expected?

definitely my previously (as of, literally a few days ago) most kudo’ed work, The Mess That We’ll Become (leaves something to talk about) for the Élite fandom. Not only did I not expect to get that much attention because the fandom is arguably smaller than other fandoms I had written for so far but also because not a lot of people seemed to be into the MMF ship the fic is about lol

…is your funniest?

i consider myself to be a very fluffy, funny-crack fic writer so almost all my works have some sort of funny bit or dialogue here and there but if I had to pick the funniest it would be both of the series of the Holy Trinity and their Token White Guy: The One With The Back-Seat Drama, The One With The Lousy Method To Help Sleep, aaand this WiP I don’t know if I’ll ever pick up but sigh, it had a couple of really funny three chapters

…is your darkest or angstiest?

i don’t usually write too angsty or heavy fics bc it’s tiring to get in that mindset now but years ago I guess I was more into it and I wrote You’re Still Written In The Scars On My Heart, which still has a happy ending anyway, bc that’s who I am as a person. Also, I think Until We Meet Again bc I was coming from the Endgame trainwreck and it hurt to write.

ps. I am in the process of writing yet my angstiest fic as a continuation of my last buckyrhodey fic and I’m really excited abt pushing myself further with that.

…is your absolute favourite?

Now, what kind of question to ask a writer is that? It’s like asking a parent to pick between children. That being said, I do have favorites but never just One favorite bc no.

Reason Why (if only because it was the first lenghty -by my standards- fic I managed to finish)

Distant Stars (bc duh, I’ve been working on it for longer than two years now)

I've never seen a mouth that I would kill to kiss (bc even though it’s a little plot-less AU, I think it’s a testament to how much I think I’ve improved in my writing)

…was easiest to write?

I think To All The Boys Rhodey’s Loved Before was pretty easy because I just had to take from the bits of the movie that worked for me and then the scenes I added for this own AU came to me from the beginning so I never really struggled with anything to write this.

…was hardest to write?

Smut is my absolute kryptonite when it comes to writing something so the begining of I’ve never seen a mouth that I would kill to kiss was a Challenge (tm), as well as a few others of my early BuckyRhodey stuff.

…has your favourite lines/exchange/paragraph? (Share it!)

ok, I’m going to INDULGE myself with this lmao:

“Blood-filled hands like his don't get to hold such precious things.” -- from I Love You (ain't that the worst thing you've ever heard?)

“What a pair we are,” Rhodey says, amused.

“What a pair we are,” Bucky says, in love. -- from Reason Why

“It’s somewhat astonishing —Rhodey muses as he watches the TV in the American embassy unfold the current events happening at the Vienna International Centre — how fast can shit hit the fan.” -- from All Misinformation Open To Interpretation

“Stark is dead and it definitely sucks more than Steve fucking off to another universe to retire. But gone is gone, no matter how you slice it. And it takes miserable and lonely to know miserable and lonely.” -- from Until We Meet Again

“He was being touched with the uttermost care, kissed by soft lips. He was being wanted as if he was brand-new and unscarred.

Rhodey had managed to caress and love every corner of him that Bucky swore he would hate. Rhodey had proven him wrong.” -- from (I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night) And now I see daylight

“Even shit-faced, Carla Rosón Caleruega was a sight to see.” -- from Hesitate

And from my last few works:

“Life’s about the little steps. From holding your own head up to your first movements crawling, to standing up and falling until you walk. From talking to reading to writing. From pre-school to high school to college.

From falling in love to falling into your grave.” -- from I've never seen a mouth that I would kill to kiss

“Alex really thought they could’ve made it work before, but as they got older he just realized he and Luke weren’t as birds of a feather as they once were.

And soon it became either their dream or their relationship and they both agreed on something, after all.

Even as he broke both of their hearts, Alex knew he would love Luke forever. He just wasn’t sure about how.

Luke was kept busy writing, Alex was kept busy playing-pretend with his family and Church camp.

But they didn’t drift apart, could never have been able to, so they just had to endure a few awkward weeks of uncomfortable silence and bitter arguments about the band.

Until Alex and Luke were fifteen, and Reggie came blasting into their lives like a saving grace.” -- from Time Will Stand Still (if we stay young in love)

…have you re-read the most?

definitely Distant Stars. Each time I get a writers block or I get bummed out about writing it, I re-read it to find my motivation again

…would you recommend to someone reading your work for the first time?

lmao i really dont know. probably Hesitate or the last three fics I’ve posted for the Julie and the Phantoms fandom. Also, I've never seen a mouth that I would kill to kiss just bc my beta readers did an amazing job with me on that one.

…are you most proud of?

Again, I would have to say Distant Stars. The amount of time I’ve put on that fic and love I’ve poured it’s like no other. It’s the one work I keep going back to.

I really have no idea who to tag now bc i’ve lost touch with so many of my mutuals who also write so idk, IF YOU SEE THIS AND YOU’RE A WRITER: I’M TAGGING YOU! DO IT, IT’S SUPER FUN!

#tag game #karen writes shitty fanfiction #my writing #honestly i love writing idc that mine isnt the best out there it's just a great form of escapism and #idk who id be without it #about me

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roraruu · 5 years ago

Text

wip: caught

more vamp!au. tw: for blood mentions and mentions of a lost limb

Mae says she almost catches him, slinging fireballs and thunder at him. Silque knows that it is nothing he cannot handle, nothing he cannot overcome. He disappears again, slipping out of Novis for a while until he returns. They all speak of it in hushed tones at the Priory. No one knows his name or face, so they cannot place who he is.

“If I had’ve just been quicker, I would’ve made him into a lightning pole with all the metal he wears!” She jeers. Her words frighten poor Genny, who’s barely able to hold her staff when they go on hunts.

Celica hushes Mae before Silque can hear anymore. The vampire’s warning rings in her ears, making her sick to her stomach.

They had been safe from his kind for a while. But she supposes that moment of peace has ended. Too abruptly; the Pegastym is almost upon them, when the land’s harvest is ripe and ready to be picked. All capable hands from the priory will be pulled to help in them fields, as will hers. They will be left open for attack, for the vampire to make his move.

It makes her both nervous and angry. Why had he picked Novis? Why not the mainland? No... either way they are damned just like him; in the end he will always need to feed and they will be forced to drive him back to his cemetery.

Mae’s pride sets her off more than usual. She finishes her regular duties of caring for the young, sitting confessional and offering food to the poorer sections of the island and then holes up in her room, devoting herself to prayer. It is the one thing that clears her muddy mind and stops her shaking hands.

She never closes the door to her room, instead leaving it ever so slightly open. No one ever enters or bothers her. Interrupting prayer is a holy offence, it is like interrupting a close and private conversation between friends or family.

In her prayers, Silque always asks for the priory—for the Mother to continue to keep it safe and provide Novis with enough. It is continuous, going on for hours and hours until Silque sways in her spot and her mind swims with thoughts.

Moonlight steeps through the lace curtains of her room. The moon is startlingly bright tonight, almost pure white. For once, her room is light. It always seems too dark, barely bright enough to write sermons and hymns even in daylight.

Her hands drop from their clasp and she turns to face the window. Such a bright and pretty night. Her eyes scan the familiar priory—the gardens that grow beautiful and plentiful flowers and food, the courtyard that hosts many a training session for their mages and knights, the large trees that children play under in the warmth of Flostym.

She notices something in the distance. A traveller perhaps, probably weary and looking for somewhere to sleep and a good meal. She glances behind her—the hallway is dark, most of the other residents must have gone to sleep already.

Silque pulls a cloak around herself and hurries outside. She knows they have another cot which can be set up in the chapel, and there are provisions in the canteen. Visitors are not unheard of this late at night, although, it’s been awhile since they’d had one so late. It just be past midnight now. She takes a lantern.

She walks out to the edge of the priory, holding her hand out. “Come into the arms of the mother,” she greets in her most comforting voice.

She brings the lantern up to his face. Porcelain skin, blue hair, lips twisted into a haughty smirk and blood red eyes. “I think I’d rather not.”

Him.

She drops the lantern against the earth and lets out a yelp. Silque scrambles behind the stone posts of the Priory before he can lunge. The lantern begins to catch fire on the dry grass and she lets out a cry. His boot comes down, extinguishing it with dark smoke. It smells like burning rubber and salty air.

“You!” She growls.

“Aw, cold shoulder now? You were so happy to see me a second ago.” He says, his horrible laugh following after.

“Why are you here?” She asks, wide eyed and shaking. He stands just before the dividing line of the mundane and holiness—the line that will burn him in holy eminence. Silque is without her hunting gear, no sword, no holy relic to protect her, no magic. And worst, she’s exhausted.

He is in the best position to kill her, here and now, should she step past the line.

“I demand to know why you’re here!” Her voice is stronger now; Celica and her friends are in there, he could kill them all. She needs to protect them, however she can.

He rolls his eyes. “I do have a name you know.”

“Why are you here?” Silque says, clutching the necklace around her throat. It is full of Mila’s tears, a safekeeping for all holy hunters.

“Nice place you got there.” His head flicks back to the Priory. “Love to see inside, I always liked churches when I was human.”

“Where you ever human?” She practically spits at him.

He smirks. “Uh duh. No one is born like this.” He says, gesturing to his bastard of an outfit. New boots are on his feet, they’re lily white and jarring to the eye. “We’re made, like you are. You were made into a hunter, I was made into a vampire.

“Did you renounce your humanity?” She asks. There could still be salvation for him, an exorcism perhaps hidden in some old text or scripture for his tortured soul.

“Next question.”

No hope then.

“What was your human name?”

“Human this, human that. Honest to the mother, you’re just as vain and obsessed as the rest of the holy.” She stays silent as he smirks in the dark. “My name was Python. Still is.”

“Well, Python,” she says. “Why are you in such an easy position for me to kill you?”

“I know you wouldn’t.” He says. “Can’t actually.”

She frowns. He dares to leer closer to the post, almost wiggling his fingers just centimetres away from the stone. She notices that he’s still missing a section of his pinkie, the one that had been claimed by her spell. “Too weak from prayer. Devoting yourself to a Goddess who doesn’t listen.” He leers. “Silly cleric.”

“Silque.”

“Pardon?”

“The cleric’s name is Silque.” She snaps, releasing her clutch on the necklace.

Python smirks. “Finally. Only took a year to know my huntress’s name.” He says. “Pretty name too. Like the fabric?”

She doesn’t answer, instead staring him down in the darkness. “Why are you here?”

She hears his feet brush against the ground. Walking, pacing perhaps. “I was just coming by to say hello. Been a while huh?”

“You were gone.”

“And?”

“I want to know where. And what you were doing.”

“Possessive, huh? Didn’t realize you were so smitten with me” He says.

“Speak like that again and the Mother will strike you down where you stand!” She exclaims.

He laughs bitterly and loudly. “Ha! She’s too busy on her throne of depravity. And besides, I already drank one of her girls dry before and she didn’t do shit.” He slurs.

“Then I will strike you down!”

“With what holy relic?” He laughs again. “If you really wanted to know where I was, then I guess you’ll have to come out and catch me.”

She turns around, begins back to the Priory. He cannot cross the line, just as she cannot cross his.

“H-Hey! Where you going?”

“Back to my holy chamber!” She calls. “The next time you see me, it will be with your head in my hand.”

“Silque stop!” He calls her name and it sends a shiver down her spine. He doesn’t say it like Mae, who slurs the syllables together or Genny who draws them out carefully. Hard on the k. It sounds...

She stops. “Tell me where you where.” She says. “I need to know if I must bless any bodies.”

“Ha. Good luck with that.”

She whips around. Terror seizes her, she clutches her necklace tighter. “What did you do?” She breathes, hurrying back to the edge of the priory.

“I was hunting elsewhere.” He says at last, proud that she returned to talk.

She frowns.

“Listen, beggars cannot be choosers.” He chastises. “You said stay away from Novis so I traveled to the mainland and drank there. I think it’s fair.”

“So you caused troubles for another village? Or church?”

“Brigands actually.” He says. “The blood was rank. Tainted really.”

“Is there a difference?”

“Oh yes, clear as day.” He says. He takes a step closer to her, his feet crunching against the dry grass. He comes incredibly close, dangerously close. He could go up in ash should he lean ever-so-slightly over the edge...

“The holy‘s blood is clean. They don’t drink, or smoke or sin. Pure, as Mila intended.” He says. “It’s intoxicating.”

Her brow furrows. He sighs, crossing his arms. The cloak slips away so she can see a dirty, blood-stained tunic on his torso. He shrugs. “How do I explain it to a human... Think of it like...” He laughs. “Well that wouldn’t work for you, you can’t drink...”

“A meal.” He says. “Think of it like your favourite meal. Having it after years of drought, no good crops or kills. And it’s fresh, hot, rich...”

Another shiver runs down her spine. Her hands shake a little.

“That’s the blood of the holy.” He says thinly.

“Is my blood like that?” She finds herself asking.

“I’d need a taste to be sure.” He says. She sees a red eye wink. “Care to share?”

She shakes her head. “Ah well, guess I’ll have to live with your smell.”

“My smell?” She asks. All her texts on vampires and the undead were blank. It said that vampires could not come out in the light, but he didn’t shy away from her lantern, nor does he burn up in the bright moonlight. There is so much she doesn’t know and he is an unwitting player—perhaps he could let lose a trade secret, something that could bring her closer to ending him.

“Your smell is the most excruciating though.” He says. “Every human smells different, it comes from their blood. No matter how many jasmine leaves they dust on them or soap they lather into their hair, it doesn’t leave them.”

“I pain you?”

“The best smells are painful.” He smirks. “But your lady is almost as bad. She has royal blood but in that there is corruption.”

She goes still. She swallows back nervously as he smiles and laughs a little. “How do you know about lady Celica?” She asks quietly. It is still a secret to all of Novis. Should someone find out, she’d have to go into hiding again.

“Smell alone.” He says. A smirk curls on his lips, white teeth gleam in the darkness. “And now you. So what’s she doing in this boring little island?”

Silque bites down on her tongue. “I cannot say.” She says. “Nor will I tell you.”

His smirk fades. Then he shrugs. “Fair enough.” He says. “Not that I was after her per se. Just wanted some gossip.”

His feet crunch against the ground. He’s beginning to walk away. “Take care of her, Silque. She’s a lady that‘s wanted by many heads.” He calls.

“Python?” She calls, running to the edge of the priory. Her hands touch the warm stone, brimming and brewing with the holy spell that protects them. She calls his name again and again, but never dares to step beyond the stone pillars.

#fire emblem echoes #fe echoes #fanfiction #silque #python #ru writes #vamp au #lAYING DOWN SOME WEIRD FUCKING LORE IDK WHAT I’m doing anymore #also 3rd post in teh same day never expect this again ok

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