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curious-minx · 4 years ago

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On Bob’s Burger’s Gene learns to be a sweeter Mama’s Boy; The Simpsons rediscovers its heart by showing empathy to a struggling teacher.

Mama’s Boy is possibly one of my favorite Ramones song, at least the one I’m most obsessed with. A track written sporting writing credits for all three Ramones. This fact really answers the age old riddle fo how many Ramones it takesto change a light bulb. There’s no question about it if the Ramones were still alive and kicking they probably would be cameoing in all sorts of animated shows and would be a Wonder Wharf regular. Episode 9, “Mama’ Boy” not only focuses on Gene’s wholesome adoration of his Mama, but also makes a clear point of demonstrating how the Belcher’s challenge conventional gender norms. If I grew up with a dad like Bob Belcher, a man who is more than willing to get into a tub with me for a spa day I’d probably be a more productive citizen. The episode strongly packs in three whole subplots with Gene and Linda’s weekly “Spa Day” ritual being interrupted by Linda joining a Women’s Business Owner Group, Bob trying to be a substitute for Gene, and then Louise and Tina getting transfixed by a clever Rocky rip-off, Ham & Egger. The boys want a seaweed eucalyptus infused face mask and the girls want to brawl, a sweet and subtle commentary that is done with that effortless Bob’s Burgers charm.

The main conflict between Gene and Linda is fraught with family psychology. Linda emboldening her only son’s clinginess with her gentle form of favoritism that threatens to mutate’s Gene’s cute Mama Boy into an emotional manipulative, controlling and abusive Mama’s Boy. This is one of the rare instances where Gene is essentially the antagonistic force of the episode, a role often bestowed upon every other Belcher but rarely reliable supporting player Gene. Gene’s antics are more than just his usual little stinker business and at moments threatens to veer off into Norman Bates territory when he fears that he’s losing his mom to the Business World. Thankfully, Gene is a thoughtful and lovable boy that experiences flashes of introspection, experiences self-realization and catches himself from going off the deep-end. The episode ends with Gene and Linda still enjoying a slightly inappropriate, but ultimately sweet relationship where boundaries are starting to further establish themselves, but I do worry for whomever ends up with Gene as a partner later in life.

Ah! My favorite high school based musical, Sunday School Musical

The episode’s subplot with Louise and Tina is a great writing lesson, a clean how-to on writing a quality parody. The whole subplot is basically mapping elements of Rocky and making them slightly cheaper and sillier Ham & Egger versions. The subplot touches upon a very specific experience of childhood when you stumble upon a lesser, knock-off movie on cable before seeing the original version, therefore making the cheaper version the definitive version in your naive mind. The subplot also serves as a fun contrast/reversal with Gene’s arc, two daughters being more interested in rough housing and watching junky TV, whereas the son is clinging onto a more traditionally feminine activity. The show hasn’t been this progressive since its explorations with Tina and her explorations of a healthy sense of sexuality. The reason why these issues work so well on Bob’s Burgers is because the writer’s never draw attention to them or try to pat themselves on the back like other lesser sitcoms tend to do, and because after 11 seasons audiences have been given a lot of opportunities to bond and appreciate each and every Belcher. Every single Belcher is capable of delivering a solid episode and whenever I pick up on whether or not an episode is going to focus on a specific character or character relationship on Bob’s Burgers I am more or less satisfied with the direction the writers and actors make with this beloved TV family.

4.5 Spools of Yarn as thick punchable yarn out of 5 thick and punchable slabs of meat.

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News update in the Bob’s Burgers world: The Belcher family is officially losing its Fox TV status and gaining FX personhood. This ultimately changes both a little and a lot, the biggest impact of the change is that Bob’s Burgers will be removed from adult swim syndication. Bob’s Burgers is ultimately in the clear for however much longer the series wishes to stay on air. This change in syndication is mainly worrisome for the state of adult swim, which will at this point go completely under due to financial straits or assimilate itself into the HBO Max roster. The adult swim brand is still fairly strong one and as long as they have Rick and Morty to cling onto they will still have a cash cow to sustain them. If adult swim collapses we will be losing one of the last bastions for weird and creative TV programming and will be left with nothing but a sea of Disney detritus.

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Search result for a stock image of a “Sad Teacher”

Speaking of Disney Detritus, it’s time for another peek back into the Simpsons brood with its 9th episode, “Sorry Not Sorry.” The episode for the most part is the most conventional episode of an exhaustingly highly conceptual season. The quality of the episode is probably due to the fact that the episode isn’t written by another one of the safe old white Harvard guys the series is doomed to forever employ, but instead, this above average episode is written by an Ivy League woman and 1996 Subrina the Teenage Witch creator Nell Scovell. Go figure, the Simpsons enormously benefits from diverting from the usual white male voice that dominates the massive bulk of Simpsons screenwriting credits. The main reason I got back into watching the Simpsons in the first place was when I saw that slightly problematic Twitter rising start Megan Amram had written a couple of episodes for its 30th season. For me, this indicated the exact type of tone shifting the Simpsons needed to course correct itself from its perennial slump. Both of Amram’s episodes are fantastic, especially “Bart versus Itchy and Scratchy.”

The typical writer for the Simpsons

This gender disparity in the Simpsons verse led my curiosity over to the Simpsons writer’s wikipedia page. Wikipedia lists 133 writers in total, I was able to tally up 18 different women who have at least one written episode credit to their name. Out of those thirteen women one of them is Conan O’Brien’s sister and Bart Simpson herself Nancy Cartwright. The numbers probably become even more grotesque when looking at anything else that diverts from the White Ivy League Educated paradigm that the Simpsons has firmly established in its endless run. So whenever a show as creaky and conservative, at least in terms of writing room staff, diverts from the white male paradigm I find that the typical Simpsons episode has a noticeable more pep in its step, the show for a brief moment feels more vital, and for me the reason is because of a wider perspective a woman writer can offer in a male dominated workplace. This episode’s title alone is a piece of modern mainstream feminism sloganeering that Lisa explicitly touches upon in the episode, and unlike Bob’s Burgers the Simpsons is the sort of show where it makes more sense for a character to explicitly call out problematic world views. This type of empathy and inner growth only tends to happen in the show whenever Lisa takes over the focus of an episode and it’s that quality of heart that is missing from the large swathe of modern Simpsons where forcing jokes for the sakes of jokes always takes precedent over having any heart or reflection.

“The Simpsons, a feminist masterpiece” - Matt Groening’s accountant

Ms. Hoover has always been one of my favorite characters, she’s got a great sense of style and her nihilistic world view and bottomless loathing of her job is especially relatable. Looking at Ms. Hoover’s Simpsons’ fandom Wiki I found disappointing tidbits such as she’s one of the only two characters in 2007 Simpsons Game besides Lunch Lady Doris given zero lines of dialogue. The series writers’ also thought it would be funny in season 25 to have Bart hook up with her in episodes set in the future. In the show’s 32 seasons very little time and space has been dedicated to Ms. Hoover so it was satisfying to get a substantial glimpse into this teacher’s life especially since she’s the only original teacher left filling in the void left by the late great Ms. Crabapple. Hard to imagine anyone having a more hellish year in Covid times than the Ms. Hoovers of the world the women relegated to teaching jobs, because society for too long has deemed a woman’s place is not in a major network animated sitcom writer’s room but silently suffering in the classroom with the rest of America’s ungrateful brats. All of our essential workers should be delivered a deluxe orthopedic vibrating chair from a pawn shop and I won’t accept anything less!

In order to properly review this episodes I try my best to watch through them at least twice and I found that this episode in particular really holds up on a second viewing not only because its central plot is solid but also because the episode is full of little silent visual gags that make the show feel like a labor of love rather than another episode off of the factory line.

A real solid PASSING GRADE episode!

#Bob's Burgers #The Simpsons #TV Reviews #Adult animation #TV Series #Feminism #The Ramones #Mama's boy

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theseaeaglelives · 5 years ago

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Round 2

THE SEA EAGLE

MAKING RUGBY LEAGUE GREAT AGAIN!!!

Round 2

Manly Sea Eagles 9

Defeated

Sydney Roosters 8

Played at the Roosters traditional home ground (i.e. Leichhardt Oval) the fact that this game was played with no crowd in attendance did not seem to impact on either of the respective playing groups who dished up a high standard rugby league offering. Let’s face it, both the Roosters and Manly are not big crowd pullers at the best of times and the with no crowd in attendance it was pretty much business as usual.

After a tight opening to the game, Manly opened the scoring via Tommy Turbo who was set up deftly by an inside Cherry-Baby offload. What a player Turbo is! Generally renowned for his attacking prowess it was his defence that came to the fore in this fixture. Three try saving tackles, including an absolute miracle on Rooster, Luke Keary when he looked certain to score, only serves to highlight what a talent young Tommy is.

Perhaps summed up best by Fox Sports expert Braith Anasta “He’s just so important to the Manly Sea Eagles, if he’s on the field, they can win the comp, if he’s off the field they can’t. There’s not many players who have that effect on a side”.

But…. correction Bwaith. Bob Fulton, Wally Lewis, Cliff Lyons, Bret Kenny, Andrew Johns, Jonathan Thurston, Arthur Beetson, John O’Neill , to name a few, were also similar type players.

Despite heroic Manly defence, the Roosters hit back just prior to half time and the score was locked up 6-6 at the break.

The second half was even more dour then the first and with five minutes remaining scores were still locked at 8 all. The Roosters had the first chance to break the dead-lock when a Keary field goal attempt hit the posts. Then it was Manly’s turn and thankfully the ever-reliable Cherry Baby was up to the task, icing his attempt and ensuring Manly a well-deserved win. Again showing why he deserves the big bucks he is on.

Next week, if there is still an NRL comp (which is becoming less likely by the day) Manly are scheduled to take on the Gold Coast based Warriors. Full marks to the Warriors for relocating and allowing the NRL to continue, however unless the entire competition is relocated to some remote North QLD outpost with urgency, season 2020 looks a shot duck.

No NRL – It’s a Catastrophe

Not surprisingly after years of poor management and an inflated salary cap, the NRL is broke and if games are suspended or the season cancelled it will not end well. This has prompted new NRL Chairman Peter V’landys’ to plea for government funding to save the code.

Again, and not surprising this has sent the twitter world into a feeding frenzy in some instances praising V’landys for his forthright actions but in the main suggesting that he should be nailed on a cross next to poor old Izzy Folau.

On one hand, yes it could be argued that in these desperate times government funding would be better suited elsewhere an example being saving lives by propping up the ailing and over-burdened health system. However, on the other hand, imagine a world with out rugby league. Forget the game itself and let’s focus on the socio-economic impact. Without the NRL, upwards of 500 testosterone fuelled young men, many already delinquents, would be free to roam the streets inflicting all sorts of carnage. No one would be off limits to their pillage and no co-ed, spouse, uber driver or even small poodle cross would be safe.

In addition, from an economic standpoint the state government would in all likelihood be forced to immediately suspend work on all new stadiums and redirect said funds towards the construction of a new max-security correctional facility to house the expected flood of potential inmates.

It has been reported that that the most recent gaol to be constructed in the state, that being the Clarence Correction Centre cost approx. $800m (or about the same as a new stadium) to build. Whilst the Grafton facility has a capacity of 1,700 and on face value would exceed the current crop of NRL players in circulation, let’s not forget the lower grades and those coming up through the junior ranks.

A quick reckoning of the exponential nature of the pool of potential inmates would mean that a 1,700-prisoner capacity would quickly fill up and in all likelihood would still not be enough to cater for the full extent of likely incarceration. Its also worth noting that the proposed $800m does not take into account the extra policing required and the collateral damage which is in all would to be inflicted on both property and the community.

On this basis alone, the plea by the NRL chairman should be strongly considered, and that the $200m to keep the code afloat is but a small price to avoid a rugby league inspired humanitarian crisis, ensure crime rates remain low and that public (and dog) safety is upheld.

In all seriousness though (and this is generally not within the current charter of the Sea Eagle), the suggestion by the NRL that suspending or cancelling the season will, without government funding cause its financial ruin is a bit of a stretch. In fact, the solution as far as the Sea Eagle is concerned is quite simple.

If the NRL is unable to go ahead Clubs simply renegotiate player payments as per the CBA currently in place. If the players aren’t willing to cop this the Clubs simply go into Voluntary Administration and then renegotiate player payments regardless. The reality is that it’s a buyers’ market and there aren’t many other options for the NRL players, no Super League, French Rugby, Japanese Rugby, Boxing etc to lever off, and it’s not as though many of them have professions to fall back on either.

Thus, if every player was paid the minimum (still a comfortable earn at circa $120K pa for doing nothing) player payments under the salary cap would be reduced to about $3.5m per Club (as opposed to current $10m). On this basis alone the NRL would have sufficient reserves to see out the year, even before cuts were made to clubs Coaching/Admin salaries and no doubt NRL Head Office. They could then reset next year, when hopefully the situation improves.

Finally, it’s amazing how quickly things change. It was only a matter of weeks ago that the NRL launched its new Tina Turner promo campaign championing the social and moral stances so important to the NRL. Fast forward two weeks and has become much clearer what the NRL really stands for, that being $$$$$. Not that there is anything wrong with that but as far as the Sea Eagle is concerned the only advice for the NRL (and other like-minded organisations) is to park the virtue signalling and just play footy!!

Corona Virus

In due deference to what is a fine beer beverage (Corona) and formerly not a bad Toyota motor car, and in light of the fact that it appears that Mexico (where Corona beer is from) has decided to take on the threat of the dreaded Covid-19 rugby League style , that is no self isolation, no action , and simply letting the herd be infected and the strongest survive, the Sea Eagle recommends that this virus be referred to as El presidente Donald J trump referred to it, simply as the “China Virus”.

Let's face it , if it be true that this thing started in China, then surely that is where the blame should lay. Why is there so little commentary from anyone about this? If any private enterprise had created such an outcome through bad hygiene and food handling practices , where would they and the individuals behind it be standing today ?

Like the dreaded dark force influenza (DFI), this particular affliction, takes out successful and unsuccessful with impunity.

It was therefore with some hilarity that Tigers and ex Raiders centre Joey Leilua decided this week to launch into the attack by commenting about his supposed refusal to take a pay cut.

Joey Leilua calls out NRL money management declaring ‘I better not be taking a cut’ -March 19, 2020 9:57am Source: FOX SPORTS

The Fox Sports outlet reported that Joey Leilua was adamant he wouldn’t be sacrificing any money as the NRL considers pay cuts as a possible way of ensuring its financial survival through the “China Virus” (as described by President Trump) pandemic.

Fronting the media on Wednesday, Mr Leilua instead placed the blame on the NRL who he said should have been better prepared financially to deal with the situation. “I better not be taking a cut,” he said. 'My missus won't be happy”. “We’ve got mortgages to pay and bills to pay.” Leilua believes the NRL should foot the bill and if they can’t, he says it is a lesson for not being well-prepared. “I’m not all for that if we have to get a pay cut … I’m sure there is some money in there, in the revenue we’ve got,” he said. “They (the NRL) should be saving money for if something like this happens.

“I thought they were handling their money better, but if they say we’re going to last three months, we’re in trouble.”

Sea Eagle Comment: Firstly Mr Leilua is yet again engaging in misguided and ill-informed commentary. He is not employed by the NRL . He's employed by the West Tigers . It is they and only they that have to pay him .

Secondly, as said above, it is China that he should be looking too for compensation. The NRL has been guilty of many things over the years but this is not one of them.

Thirdly, based on his defensive effort in the absolute towelling that the Knights gave the West Tigers over round two, most of which was down the Leilua defensive corridor, it is clear that Mr Leilua believes defence is the thing that runs around the Oval. In any event, on that performance he should have to pay to enter the ground, which is fortunate because at the present time, as no fans allowed in, entry for a player who is so obviously hopeless, is therefore free.

Fourthly, see Sea Eagle comments above generally about how dire the NRL position presently is vis a vis the filthy lucre (or lack of it). He is at real risk of having a force majeure rammed up the proverbial with no lube or accompanying prophylactic, for nada, nothing, nil in terms of player payment.

Mr Leilua should be thankful that the NRL is doing everything it can to keep the game running and should be equally thankful that there is someone with some actual true ability as a manager (i.e. Mr Peter V’Landys) in control. It is notable that both rugby union and AFL have each capitulated to the onslaught and it is doubtful for how much longer the NRL can continue , but at least the NRL is trying.

Imagine the debacle if the previous clown who was NRL Chairman - Peter Beattie (personal opinion ) had his hands on the tiller.

Meanwhile Mr Leilua needs to take a deep hard look at himself in the room of mirrors . The fans may like rugby League but they can live without it. And if this China Virus (as described by President Trump) pandemic goes down as bad as it appears to be going, they will quite easily get over the fact that they won't be able to watch NRL week in week out. In short, they couldn't give a flying F83*7ck whether Joey Leilua got paid or not.

He would be best reading carefully (and duly considering) the words of Peter V’Landys NRL Chairman "I came out here as a four-year-old migrant on a boat, stayed in school in Wollongong and I was very isolated. I didn’t know anyone. The only way I was able to be part of the community and be part of Australia was to play rugby league. That is the sole reason I am on this commission. I want to repay the debt. Without rugby league I could be …..."

THE SEA EAGLE

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initiala · 7 years ago

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Casual Intimacy - COMMENTARY

@spartanguard and @yayimallamaagain both asked for me to do commentary on this Captain Hood AU. It’s sexual and slashy, so if it’s not your cup of tea, please keep scrolling

Thanks @unfolded73 for bringing this back, it was fun!

It felt like they’d known one another forever. They moved together on the field with ease, passing without thinking, sensing where the other was – just knowing they would be there with the assist. They stayed up late in the common area, going over plays and devising new ones, finishing each other’s thoughts late into the evening until someone inevitably reminded them about morning drills and the need for sleep. When one had a bad day, the other knew and was often the first to drag him out for a pint and some mindless entertainment to cheer him up. They had similar pre-game rituals, sat next to each other on roadies, and their teammates were surprised when one was seen without the other. They laughed and took the piss out of each other like the oldest of mates, but Killian and Robin had only been playing together since their first year at uni – sorry, freshman year.

Let’s start off with the hows of this story. Tina and I were chatting while I was at work one night and we were mostly bemoaning the fact that Oncers tend to stick very... safe and vanilla with their ships and smut. (where is the Sea DeVil tentacle porn I ask you??) It turned into how it’s interesting to actually have a fandom where there’s so much f/f compared to the sea of m/m, but then we were like “... okay but outside of Captain Charming ARE there any serious m/m ships?” And so here we are.

(Killian still had some trouble wrapping his mind around the linguistic differences between American and British English. At least he’d known better than to ask to borrow someone’s rubber in the middle of class.)

Sorry, Emma Watson, it’s just too funny not to throw in.

Regardless, he’d certainly heard of Robin Locksley before decamping to America and Robin had heard of Killian Jones; the amateur competitive football world was small back home and everyone knew who was being scouted by the leagues and by the universities. Locksley was good, a striker with the makings of an excellent skipper one day. They’d never played against one another, but everyone kept tabs on the big names.

There was a big to-do about if they’d play on the same team or just run into each other in the locker rooms a lot, but I’m me and it got sticky on the sport schedules. Killian was on the swim team for a while at the beginning but Robin was always on the footy team and so Killian eventually made his way over there to make it easy.

(No one had ever thought to mention how ruddy fit Locksley was. Oh, he’d noticed at first – beautiful people drew his eye in that way – but he’d had a few other dalliances before realizing just how bloody fucked he was when it came to Robin Locksley. It was during a rain delay that Killian had realized he was absolutely fucked when it came to Robin. They’d gotten caught in a downpour during warm-up drills and everyone had gotten soaked through, but Killian had zeroed in on how Robin’s kit clung to his well-defined muscles and the water ran down his chiseled jaw and bloody fuck he was well and truly fucked.. He’d also decided then that an artist should capture Rob’s beauty in marble, like the Greeks. Though it wouldn’t capture the way the sun glinted off his hair and made it shine, or the way his cheeks dimpled when he laughed, or the cold fury in his eyes when another player committed an unnecessary slide tackle and injured one of their teammates.)

The fact that they’d both been scouted for this small university’s football team – rather, soccer, as the Americans stubbornly continued calling it – just happened to be a twist of fate.

A rather cruel one, if he was going to be melodramatic about it – which he was apparently rather adept at, according to Swan.

Swan was his roommate, a lacrosse player with a mean right hook, a passion for grilled cheese, an old Volkswagen Beetle that he was constantly trying to keep running for her, and a penchant for throwing her pre-law books at him when he was in one of his “melodramatic moods”. And yes, Emma Swan was a girl – woman, as she and her friend Snow were fond of reminding him.

The university’s rather liberal policy of gender neutral residence halls had ended up quite in his favor, despite the book-throwing. While even he could admit that Swan was a striking example of womanhood, his tastes ran more towards the men. And sharing a room with another man had always run hit-or-miss for him in the past. Swan hadn’t even batted an eye that first year, offhandedly mentioned an ex-girlfriend named Lily, and then asked if his practice schedule was as grueling as hers.

This is also the “everyone is bi/gay AU”. And let me tell you, I was so happy to go to a university housing conference and learn all about the (slow) changes being made to allow different genders rooming together! While it’s VERY SLOW GOING (this is higher education we’re talking about, it’s slow turtles all the way down), most public universities and quite a lot of private ones are shifting policies to accommodate preferences for LGBT students.

They’d been the best of friends ever since.

“If I have to hear you sigh over Robin’s quads one more time, I’m banishing you to the lounge for the night,” she grumbled, highlighting something in a textbook.

“They’re just so–”

“Perfect, so I’ve heard. Just ask him out already.”

“I had to wait fifteen minutes before I could shower,” Killian said, flopping back on the futon with one of his lit texts. “Bloody git took forever.”

“Scandalous,” she remarked, her voice dry. “Can’t even shower together. Oh wait, yes you can, because half the LAX team is gay and we have no problem.”

“Women don’t have knobs, bit different,” he retorted.

He could practically hear her rolling her eyes. “There is nothing sexy about a locker room, Jones. Quit being a – a, what is it you always call Will?”

“Bellend,” he deadpanned.

British insults are a delight and thank you Gavin Free for using them constantly so I’m on form.

“Right, that. Stop being a bellend and just say something. And don’t give me another speech about ruining the team ‘vibes’.” She actually used air quotes, the sarcasm dripping from her tongue. “If nothing else, you have to learn to keep personal shit off the playing field. Or use it as fuel during a game.”

Either Tina or Steph were like “oh thank god you made ‘vibes’ sarcastic I would not allow this otherwise” during the beta/preview process, I forget. But either way.

Killian sighed, resting his book on his face. She was right, he knew she was right, but when it came to actually admitting his own feelings, he was the biggest chickenshit – one of Swan’s delightful Americanisms that had rubbed off on him.

He just didn’t know how Rob would react.

Tina has never gotten over calling Robin Hood Rob. It’s hysterical to me.

It wasn’t as if his teammates didn’t know about his sexuality; as Swan had said, coming out to his mates hadn’t ruined any of the team’s closeness. Locksley had clapped his shoulder, thanked him for his trust and honesty, and assured him that the team would do their best to return that trust and honesty.

Well, that was all very well and good when stating a general interest in men and women, but in Killian’s experience, men who had no interest in other men tended to react… poorly.

To put it mildly.

“Rob’s not like that.” Swan’s quiet voice broke through his thoughts.

“What, are you a mind reader now, love?”

She snorted. “No, that’s you. I just recognize that silence.”

“Come here.”

She did, dragging her textbook with her and settling against his side on the futon. She could be a pain in his arse sometimes, but she also knew the value of physical contact; he was, admittedly, more free in his general affection towards friends, but he counted himself lucky to be one of the small handful of people that Swan regularly showed any sort of affection towards.

Hi, my name is Amanda and I’m a goddamn CS shipper until my last breath on this miserable Earth and I WILL MAKE THEM SNUGGLE. PLATONICALLY OR NOT. It was SO HARD to keep their hands off each other, seriously. Just... jump on in there, Emma. You, Killian, Robin. It’ll be a grand time.

“I’ll bring it up tomorrow,” Killian said quietly.

Swan made a noise as if she didn’t entirely believe him, and truth be told he didn’t entirely believe himself, but it was said and it would be enough for her to hold him to it. “I have a test tomorrow,” she told him, settling more comfortably into the crook of his arm.

He breathed a laugh and pulled her in closer, picking his own book back up to get some reading done before he was too inconsolable to think of studying.

Perhaps Swan was right about his inclination towards the melodramatic.

His body may have been at practice, but his head clearly wasn’t. He was passable at drills, but he was easily distracted during the scrimmage and it did not go unnoticed.

“Jones,” Robin called.

His skip’s voice cut through the locker room chatter. Killian paused only after securing a towel around his own hips, ready to half-drown himself in the showers after that abysmal practice. “Aye, mate?”

Robin made his way through their teammates, giving Killian a critical once-over before speaking. “You alright?” he asked, dropping his voice now.

Even I don’t know if Robin was checking him out or not. Also, same sex pairings make pronouns THE W O R S T.

Killian glanced up, then away, irritated at himself for a multitude of reasons now. “Aye. Long night. Sorry, skip, I’ll get right tomorrow.”

Robin was silent for a moment, then reached out and clapped Killian’s shoulder. Killian had to fight the urge to lean into it, to show how the familiar gesture affected him as he stood there half-naked in the bloody locker room. “Shower up, we’ll go for a pint and a chat,” Robin ordered and turned before it could be argued.

So much for locker rooms not being sexy.

Killian stared after his friend’s retreating back, taking a long moment to compose himself and adjust the towel a bit before grabbing his caddy and stalking off to the showers.

The hot water and soap didn’t make him feel anything other than clean of sweat and grass stains. Try as he might, letting the water beat against his skin did nothing to relieve the guilt of giving less than his best or the anxiety gnawing at his gut at the conversation to come.

After he dressed, he went out into the hall to find Robin waiting for him. Wordlessly, they fell into step together, practice bags slung over their shoulders and hands shoved into their pockets. He followed Robin’s lead as they left the training facility and went down the street to their favorite dive bar – fairly empty at this hour, which would make Robin’s scolding easier to hear.

I don’t know why but I always envision this as a pub. I also have no idea where they’re going to university, so maybe there is an English-style pub near their facilities.

They ordered, and after the waitress brought their pints, they each took a long drink as Robin regarded Killian thoughtfully over the rim. “So,” he said, setting his glass down. “Something’s eating at you. And don’t give me any nonsense about everything being fine or I’ll go talk to Emma and she’ll tell me what’s really going on with you.”

Killian winced, setting his own glass down. Swan absolutely would, if for no other reason than she was an abysmal liar. “That’s a low blow, Locksley.”

“Aye, but you’re a right stubborn bastard when you put your mind to it, so my hand is forced. You’ve never played so badly, not in all the years I’ve known you. Even after the mess with that lass Milah and then your disastrous rebound with Jefferson.”

Those had been easier to handle – after Milah left, there had been nothing for him but throwing himself into the game, leaving everything on the pitch until he was spent, an empty shell left for Swan to care for, making sure he ate and had a decent night’s rest. Jefferson had been an angry affair, both of them lost and angry and winding up hurting the other more. But it had only led to more fuel, something like a dam breaking in Killian’s soul that flooded his body with pain and rage and powering his game until he was left with only quiet and acceptance inside.

Please join me in a vision about Killian and Jefferson, basically hatefucking each other until they can’t breathe, but there’s a bunch of h/c involved too. Like the most ridiculous S/M relationship ever where they just use each other until they don’t need one another anymore.

Also Milah didn’t die in this one, I don’t know the story but she’s still alive somewhere.

But this, this situation held more at stake.

Swan’s voice was in his head, telling him she’d hold him to his statement yesterday, but he reasoned that if such a confession went poorly he would have nowhere to turn. He’d left his feelings out on the pitch after Milah, after Jefferson, but the pitch was where Robin was. Robin was his friend, his teammate, his skipper.

Robin kept things grounded with the rest of Killian’s world had fallen apart.

No matter the universe, Killian always seems to have someone he revolves around. He needs a center!

Killian took a long pull from his glass, stalling for time. Thankfully, their food arrived, and both young men were too well-mannered to talk and eat at the same time – Robin’s family descended from some stuffy upper class lot, Killian’s mum drilling the mantra of “manners maketh man” into his head as a lad. During a lull, he finally said, “All twisted around about someone, s’all.”

His burger sat heavy like lead in his stomach, watching Robin’s face. Robin’s eyebrow lifted. “Enough to ruin your football? Don’t tell me it’s Emma.”

Killian tried not to laugh. Swan was gorgeous, but it wasn’t meant to be. “Roommates are off-limits, remember? Or have you and Regina started sharing a bed as well as a room?”

From Tina: “Or we could just go full on polyamorous with CS/OQ all fucking each other *___*”

Robin’s cheeks pinked and he stabbed a chip into the ketchup. “I should bloody well think not… Very well then, who are they?”

I do think there was a little something between them though. Killian is very comfortably bi in this universe, but Robin... he’s not really sure what he is, and he’s okay with that. I think he’s more pansexual than anything else but he’d probably be most comfortable with the catchall “queer”.

His mouth felt dry, no matter how much of his beer he drank – indeed, he drained the glass and still felt parched. The waitress came and got him a refill and Killian stopped himself from guzzling it down lest he hurry along his buzz. He hardly thought a drunken confession of attraction would make things any better. “It’s… complicated,” he finally said. “Telling them, it would change a great many things that I’m loathe to give up.”

He met Robin’s gaze then, willing him to understand the words he wasn’t saying, but he knew it often took a straight answer for things to sink in. Robin’s blank look confirmed that. Killian swallowed hard, then said, “I value our friendship too much, Rob, to allow my personal feelings to get in the way if it makes you uncomfortable. I apologize if this admission alters the way you think of me –”

Robin’s eyes widened and Killian shut up fast; Robin was a good man, but he’d known plenty of men who turned on a dime at the thought of a man desiring them. “Bloody hell, me?” Killian’s mouth opened wordlessly, an icicle of fear slicing down his back as he tried to figure out whether he should run for it now or go down swinging. Robin blinked, shaking his head. “Well. I have to admit, Jones, this is a surprise, but I can’t say I’m not flattered.”

Well, he does look at himself in the mirror every day.

It was Killian’s turn to blink, his emotions a complete jumble. “You’re not…”

Robin met his gaze. “Killian, don’t be a tosser, I’m not upset.”

Sometimes it’s just nice to have a fic where everything goes according to plan. No gay angst, no “never fall in love with a straight boy”, nothing. Just two boys who like each other and would look really good in bed together. I was very, ANNOYINGLY conscious about how “but is the other person gay” fanfic works and actively wanted to subvert it.

“Well, you don’t go shouting about your conquests in the locker room, so I couldn’t be sure if it would be received well or not.”

Robin grinned. “No, we’ll leave that to Will. As it happens, I suppose it’s never really mattered to me.”

Will Scarlett loudly and hungoverly discusses his Friday nights with anyone who will listen. Usually his teammates, not by choice.

“Oh.”

“Indeed.”

There was a long pause and Killian fought the urge to gulp half his beer to fill the silence. His fingers must have twitched towards his pint, though, because Robin started to grin. “So, is this a date, then, or should we do one proper another time?”

Sometimes to break an awkward silence you created, you give a character a joke.

Killian stared, flabbergasted. “One - what? And two, are you seriously asking me out right now?”

“Well, you should probably be the one to do the asking, but you seem – for the first time in your life, I might add – at a loss for words.”

“Rob, don’t indulge me if you’re not serious about this.”

“Who says I’m not?”

“You’re being awfully flippant.”

“I’m not getting on one knee, if that’s what you want.”

No, Rob, he wants you on both knees. Preferably naked.

Killian felt his ears burning and he wasn’t sure what the cause of it was: embarrassment or anger, possibly a mix of the two. “Look, just forget it,” he said, balling up his napkin and tossing it on the table. He dug in his back pocket for his wallet, trying to look anywhere but at Robin; but when Killian opened the tri-fold to look for cash, he stilled when Robin’s hand covered his.

“I’m sorry,” he said, and Killian looked up to see a soft, earnest look on his face that matched his voice. “I thought – well, occasionally humor helps to ease tension, and I see now that it was a mistake.”

“Too bloody right,” Killian muttered.

Robin’s hand was warm, an odd but nice mix of calluses and softness against his own skin. Killian called up every ounce of courage he had, then turned his hand over to clasp Robin’s. His friend looked surprised at the gesture, perhaps a little unsure of how to handle it, but seemed neither disgusted nor displeased. “We’ve got a match Saturday afternoon, but how about after dinner we ditch the team and take in a movie?”

Haaaaaaand poooooornnnnn.

There were normally team dinners after matches, so it made sense – no need to alert anyone of anything new developing. And Killian and Robin normally went out after matches, though normally with Emma or Regina and their friends (they’d agreed that both of their roommates were useful in separate situations: Emma might not be a wild party girl but her LAX teammates knew how to celebrate a victory, while Regina and her group knew the perfect way to drown out any anger at a loss)

“Alright,” Killian said. Then, feeling bolder and remembering Robin’s remark about humor, added, “Though just so you know, I don’t put out on the first date.”

Robin blinked and Killian thought his joke may have missed the mark, then Rob started to laugh. “You’re probably a bloody awful kisser anyway.”

He thought about proving him wrong right then and there – he’d received approximately zero complaints about his technique, thank you very much – but in all honesty Killian was too busy trying to hide the fact that he was now very much staring at Robin’s mouth, wondering how he kissed and what the combined sensations of their beards might feel like.

I’m very glad to never have to find this out. Folks with beards who kiss others with beards -- chime in.

Swan, bless her, did her best not to gloat when he told her what had happened later that night.

Now please imagine Killian screaming into his pillow and then panicking about their date.

Though given the fact that he couldn’t stop grinning, he probably wouldn’t have minded a bit of gloating anyway.

Their style of play didn’t falter and Killian’s ability returned now that he was free of the stress of any difficult conversations. He’d been out with Robin before and though he fundamentally knew this was different, part of him wasn’t able to truly understand that this was a date and not just two friends out on the town. Perhaps that’s why he could keep his head on straight over the next few days, even managing to score a goal and assist on two others to help win the match on Saturday.

It wasn’t until after the team dinner that Robin caught his gaze and gave him a meaningful look.

That’s when the waves of butterflies hit.

They took Robin’s truck – Killian had never gotten the hang of driving on the wrong side of the road and happily allowed others to chauffeur him around – and headed out to the shopping mall on the far side of town. There was a theater there that gave student discounts. Knowing their teammates, no one would be out that way celebrating, and it wasn’t likely that they’d run into Emma (the LAX team was on a retreat for the weekend) or Regina (who had an organic chemistry exam on Monday and had threatened to set anyone who disturbed her on fire).

A few things here. I (and Tina) really enjoy the image of Killian going “fuck it, no” and just demanding others drive him around. Usually with his feet on the dash of Emma’s Bug and she wants to smack him for it. It’s also very hard sometimes to do like... little canon nods without beating people over the head with it. Particularly with magical shows like this. So I took a concept that I (and Tina) really enjoy, that Regina is a science nerd with her little potions kit, and translated it to the worst possible subject, organic chemistry, and viola, a perfect excuse for a super stressed student to want to light someone on fire.

Killian had found that there was always an odd moment concerning who paid when on a date with a man, but it seemed that Robin had already thought of that. “You get tickets, I’ll buy snacks?” he asked as they jumped out of the truck.

“Sounds good to me.”

GOING DUTCH, WHY DO ANYTHING ELSE ahem

They wound up eating most of the popcorn halfway through previews, making snide comments to the other about trailers for this overblown blockbuster or that lackluster comedy. By the time the lights went out, Killian was feeling more relaxed, though it still felt decidedly more like friends hanging out rather than a date.

About forty-five minutes in, he decided to make it feel like a date.

It took another fifteen minutes to build the courage to do it, sneaking glances at the armrest that lay between them and Robin’s arm casually resting on it.

He felt Robin still when Killian took his hand, and almost withdrew, but then Robin’s fingers laced with his and Killian’s heart soared.

He couldn’t remember the rest of the movie if he tried.

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnddddddddddddddd poooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnn I have a thing if you didn’t notice

They were quiet as they left, Robin’s hands casually tucked in his pockets. There weren’t many people leaving the theater at the same time, so Killian pretended to stumble, bumping their shoulders together and making Robin laugh. He nudged back and it turned into a little game, shoving one another until Robin finally just threw his arm around Killian’s shoulders. It was almost a headlock, and to anyone observing it would appear so, but he recognized it for what it was.

Maybe Robin understood the value of physical contact, too.

“So,” Robin said as he pulled up to Killian’s dorm a while later.

“Yeah.”

“That was nice.” Killian scoffed and Robin grinned. “Right, you have a better adjective?”

“I had a good time,” Killian said, his voice pitching high at the end, silently asking if Robin felt the same.

I always picture Killian’s voice cracking a little here, not just questioning but just nerves making his voice crack like he’s going through puberty all over again.

Robin smiled and reached over the center console to take Killian’s hand again. “I did too. Though perhaps next time we not dine with our teammates beforehand?”

“Is there a next time?”

“I’d like there to be.”

They stared at one another for a long moment until Killian smiled. “Alright. Next week?”

They had two more dates before the championship tournament hit, and Killian didn’t like to admit how it frustrated him to put whatever this was between them on hold for the sake of the game. At the same time, he knew it was more important to focus on winning, that there would be more time in the off-season, but he was frustrated all the same.

More because Robin seemed to hide behind his skipper mask, even when it was just the two of them discussing plays after a scrimmage.

He missed his friend. Or his… whatever this was.

~labels~

They won the next game, solidifying their place in the quarterfinals, but only by the skin of their teeth. Everyone was frustrated after the game, Robin snapped at everyone in the locker room, and Killian’s own frustrations at his own poor play combined with his personal frustrations towards Robin. He managed to hold his tongue until everyone else had gone, finally lashing out, “It’s enough that we’re aware of our own mistakes, mate, there’s no need to be a prick to us all on top of it!”

“I’m skipper, Killian, it’s my damn job to be a prick when you all deserve it!”

“And whose job is it to put you in your place when you’re being an unjust prick?!”

“Not yours, that’s for certain! Take it up with the manager if you have a problem with my skipping!”

now angerbang

this isn’t commentary so much as it’s me pointing out where they could have fucked before they actually fucked, but I wanted angsty shower sex so we had to wait

Killian fumed. “It’s not enough to know your team isn’t happy with their treatment? You stubborn arse, we selected you and we can damn well take that away. We know we won by the skin of our teeth, we know we need to do better next match, and trust me when I say we’re all going to be beating ourselves up over these mistakes until the next time we can go out there and prove we can do better than before.”

“It’s not enough,” Robin said, scowling.

“What should we do, Robin, become gods? Invest in a Time-Turner? Because the only way we can fix what already happened is to–”

Anything else he might have had to say was abruptly cut off, his ability to speak lost as Robin surged towards him, gripped his shoulders, and fused their mouths together.

If Killian had any lingering doubts about Robin’s intentions – if he was merely indulging Killian’s crush or humoring him so as not to cause any alienation or hurt feelings – they vanished. Hands moved slowly, from clutching to embracing, fingers tentatively twining in hair. They both were in need of a haircut, too superstitious about it at this stage in the game, but something deep and primal in Killian’s bones liked being able to twist his fingers through Robin’s hair as his tongue traced the seam of his lips and begged for entrance.

writing kissing is hard. I wish I could wax poetic about the difficulties of it, but really, writing about kissing fucking sucks sometimes. Kudos to everyone who can do it well.

He hadn’t any expectations for what kissing Robin Locksley would be like, hadn’t allowed himself to think that far ahead or get his hopes up. But even in his wildest fantasies he couldn’t have imagined this – there was a soft urgency to his kiss, unsaid words pushed into actions and touches and the soft glide of their tongues, and Killian could feel Robin’s restraint, how much he was holding back, his inability to lose control in this moment and give in to the feeling.

He vowed to work on that.

Both were breathless when they parted, only enough to get air. Their foreheads touched and Killian almost chuckled when Robin’s mustache tickled his lip. He liked this – really liked this – the feeling of Robin’s arms around him and their bodies pressed chest to thigh. Though, he did try to angle his hips away, feeling his cheeks heat up as he realized Robin could surely feel his erection pressed against his thigh.

But if Killian wasn’t mistaken, and he’d bet a lot that he wasn’t, Robin wasn’t feeling very calm after that himself.

“Bad form,” Killian said finally, giving in and resting his head on Robin’s shoulder. It was a bit awkward, as Robin was actually a bit shorter, but he liked it anyway.

“Are you really commenting on my technique?” Robin asked, sounding both amused and exasperated.

“No,” Killian said with a laugh. “Bad form for shutting me up in the middle of a tirade. As for the actual kissing, that’s a solid eight out of ten.”

you will also pry feminist Killian Jones from my cold dead fingers. While this isn’t a particularly feminist point at the moment, there’s an annoying trend in media where a heterosexual couple is arguing and the woman is rightly mad about something, and the man stops her yelling at him by kissing her. Don’t kiss someone to shut them up, especially in an argument. Anyway, that was the point of that line, to point out how it’s dumb.

“I’m going to regret asking how one scores a perfect ten, aren’t I?”

Killian only grinned.

It was a hard loss.

The weeks leading up to the finals had been good ones. Robin had eased up a little, leaving any discipline discussions up to their manager and refocusing his energies on team morale. He’d confessed to Killian that part of his outburst had been fueled by his nerves about advancing their relationship.

Killian, in turn, was too stunned about Robin defining this as a real relationship to comment.

Little touches had helped. Lingering shoulder claps or gentle touches when they thought no one was looking. Spending time together after practices also helped; Swan knew enough that they could hang out in Killian’s room without much fuss, but Robin wasn’t sure about Regina’s reaction just yet. If anyone asked, they were studying together. If anyone took a closer look, they’d notice Killian’s hand on Robin’s thigh, or the casual way Robin’s arm slung around Killian’s shoulders.

Well, maybe one didn’t need to look too much closer.

about as subtle as a kangaroo in a flock of flamingoes

Still, playing the last few matches with that kind of support, that kind of assurance, helped. They’d entered the final match with their heads held high – all of them, everyone on the team – but losing in the championship would sting regardless of their pre-game morale.

Losing 5-0 basically annihilated whatever morale they had left.

I had to do a lot of research on how soccer playoffs or whatever works. In case you were wondering, Stanford won the championship I researched.

The team was slow to leave the locker room. Robin had no rousing speeches or kind words – in fact, he had no words at all. No one spoke, the silence dulled only by the steady hiss of the showers and punctuated by the occasional slam of a locker. Everyone trickled out in ones and twos, their heads decidedly less high than they’d been earlier that morning, until only Killian remained in the main room.

Sometimes he did this, lingering in the locker room, letting himself feel whatever emotions he felt after a match without worry that anyone would see. Today he sat with his head in his hands, going over every play in his mind and trying to find what he could have done differently, what plays they could have made instead.

He heard both Robin and Swan in his mind, telling him not to do this to himself, that he knew better.

Well, he did know better, but it was all he could bloody think about.

Disgusted with himself, Killian stripped off his grass-stained jersey and shorts, tossing his dirty uniform into a bag to be washed and grabbing his towel and shower things; everyone else would be back at the hotel by now and he’d join them later, but right now he had to wash off the stink of failure.

It appeared he wasn’t alone in thinking that.

He hadn’t noticed the water still running, but there was a lone occupant in the communal showers: Robin. Killian tried to think back to the last time he’d seen him and concluded that his boyfriend had probably been trying to literally drown his misery for at least three quarters of an hour.

Thanks, crazed Quidditch captain of my heart Oliver Wood, for the inspiration here.

Boyfriend. That was still strange.

Killian dropped his things in the partition, then stepped into the steam. “Rob.”

Robin turned slightly and Killian’s heart broke all over again at the self-loathing and anguish on his face. It mirrored his own feelings, but actually seeing it made him push them away and focus on trying to make Robin feel better. Or at least stop looking like he’d never feel happiness again.

They are in a gay relationship and there is angst. It’s different than gay angst, and I had suuuuuuuuuuch a hard time making myself comfortable with that and hoping I wasn’t going to be another hum-drum angsty slashfic.

As Killian went to hug him, it dimly registered that not only was this the first time in several years that he was seeing Robin naked, it was the first time they were even touching one another in an intimate way without clothes. And there was nothing sexy about it. And that was perfectly fine.

They didn’t speak, the water beating down on both of them and keeping them warm as Killian held Robin close; and it wasn’t as if he disliked the way that Robin clung to him, he just wished it were for any other reason than misery. And he really had no idea how to make it better.

For anyone keeping score at home, Sean is 5′9″ and Colin is 5′11″. For your height difference needs.

“You’re going to prune,” he finally said, voice barely audible over the hiss of the water. Robin only nodded, tucking himself under Killian’s chin. “Did you wash at all?” This time Robin shook his head.

Well, that was easily taken care of. Killian eased back to grab his things, then set to work.

He always found value in casual displays of affection. Whether it was hugging friends or letting Swan sleep on his lap when they watched telly or now gently washing Robin’s hair, Killian knew that simple touch, simple gestures of care, warmth, and safety were so scarce these days that the extra effort was appreciated by anyone on the receiving end.

Preening or grooming is an important mating habit, jsyk

He raked his fingers through Robin’s hair, massaging the shampoo in and scrubbing out the sweat and lingering feelings of defeat. Robin’s eyes were closed and slowly his features relaxed, following Killian’s gentle lead to tip his head back under the spray to wash away the soap suds. Then came the body wash and Killian was hesitant as he lathered up his hands and spread them across Robin’s chest. It was then that Robin opened his eyes, meeting Killian’s hesitant gaze with his own. “Can you handle it?” Killian asked.

“Yes, I think so,” Robin said; it was hard to hear him over the sound of running water, his voice hoarse from shouting on the pitch and likely from the emotions that kept him shut away in his self-imposed confinement.

Killian nodded and stepped back, going to scrub his own hair while Robin got the soap.

He sighed as he stepped into the spray, scrubbing his fingers against his scalp and inwardly bemoaning the fact that he desperately needed a haircut. With finals coming up he’d be hard pressed to find time to get it done, though perhaps he’d ask if one of Swan’s teammates knew how to cut hair.

“Killian.”

He jerked up, wiping water out of his face as Robin took a step towards him. Their lips met and Killian grunted in surprise, hands automatically moving to cup Robin’s head and circle his waist. “Make me forget,” Robin whispered against his lips. “Make me feel good, Killian, please.”

Initially I set out to do like actual penetration sex, but then every single slash panel I’ve attended was like “LUUUUUUUUBEEEEEE” and I can’t just magic lube here like I could elsewhere. So then it came down to “well, sex can be a lot of things, and not all m/m sex is penetration”. Hence how it became trading angsty blowjobs.

His cock swelled at the words and nudged Robin’s. Killian swallowed hard, pulling back only enough to look his boyfriend in the eyes. “Are you sure?”

He didn’t want this to be something Robin regretted, this large of a step in their relationship brought on only by the urge to expunge negative feelings. But by God, did he want to.

Robin gave a small nod. “Yes.”

Killian surged forward, their lips crashing together and making Robin stumble back slightly. They turned so that Robin was practically pinned against the wall but for Killian’s hand reaching down to grip his ass. They both groaned, Robin’s hips jerking up as Killian kneaded and squeezed the firm muscle. Killian moved quickly, kissing a path down his jaw and gently biting the thick cords of Robin’s neck before reaching the juncture. He bit a little more hard, then sucked. Laving his tongue against the skin, desperate to mark him in some primal need to stake his claim, and squeezed Robin’s ass in time with his sucks. Killian pulled back with a slight popping sound, then dropped to his knees, ignoring the hard tile as his free hand traced the muscled lines of Robin’s stomach. Even over the water, Killian heard Robin suck in a breath when his hand reached his cock; glancing up, Killian saw he was being watched with an intense expression and hooded eyes. “You like this?” he asked, running gentle fingers over Robin’s cock before wrapping his hand around it.

He gave it an experimental pump, watching Robin’s eyes flutter shut and his head fall back against the wall. “Ah, ah,” Killian scolded, getting used to the feel of Robin’s cock and moving his hand in firm, even strokes. “Watch me.”

Killian Jones, voyeur extraordinaire.

With that, Killian leaned forward and flicked his tongue against the head. He heard Robin groan as he tasted the salty precum leaking from the tip, then wrapped his lips around the head.

Robin’s hand fisted itself in Killian’s hair as he promptly put every other blowjob he’d ever given to shame. His tongue swirled around the head and traced the fat vein pulsing along the side of the shaft. Robin’s cries echoed through the room, his hips jerking in Killian’s hold and forcing his cock further down Killian’s throat. He only gagged the first time, not expecting it, but relaxed and tried to keep a stronger hold on Robin as he continued.

See the nice thing about giving and receiving the same things is that I only have to do details like this once. The other time is just all reactions and I can go on autopilot. It’s hard to write this stuff and make it seem fresh every time.

When one hand went to fondle Robin’s balls, that seemed to be the breaking point. Killian eagerly swallowed his release as Robin came with another shout, only wincing slightly as the hold on his hair tightened. Only when he’d licked the last of it away did Killian sit back on his haunches, looking up to see the results.

Robin slumped against the wall, head tilted back as he caught his breath. As his eyes opened, Killian grinned. “Get up here,” Robin practically growled, taking the offered hand and hauling him up.

smol and sexually frustrated Robin Locksley

Something had snapped in him; Killian felt it as Robin’s kisses became fiercer, more possessive. Killian groaned deep in his throat as Robin practically shoved him back against the wall, his mouth tracing a similar path that Killian’s had done earlier, though Robin paid attention to different areas of his body. Robin nibbled his ears before nipping his way down Killian’s neck; his hands weren’t idle either, running down Killian’s sides and kneading his ass in a decidedly greedy manner. Killian shuddered as Robin’s fingers danced along his thighs, wondering what it might feel like to be pinned to the wall and properly fucked – but that would have to be another time, when they were prepared and not trying to distract each other.

My small reminder to myself that no, we can’t penetrate here. Also a side note: I’m really conscious of how often Killian is portrayed as the “feminine” one in pairings like Captain Charming. Like, going so far as to give him “feminine” descriptors such as “whine” or “mewl” and making him the reciprocator in anal penetration. So yes, Killian likes to be fucked, (and tbh I like writing him getting fucked) but I did a lot of rereading and conscious word choice throughout this piece so it wasn’t like a “oh just replace one character with a woman and it’s the same” thing. Which happens SO MUCH in slash it’s incredible. and by incredible I mean infuriating.

As he mused, Robin slowly dipped down, pausing briefly to pay attention to Killian’s nipples and nose through the thick, wet hair covering his chest. (One of the many things Killian appreciated was that Robin was nowhere near as hairy as he was; only one of them needed to be part-wolf.) His breath hitched as Robin ran his tongue along his abs, tracing a path down to Killian’s aching cock and wasting absolutely no time at all before wrapping his lips around the head.

somehow this didn’t turn into a lycan-fic

Killian would have to take a moment later, when he wasn’t about to collapse from pleasure and when he wasn’t trying to contain screams, to appreciate that as both of them were uncircumcised, both knew exactly how to handle the other’s cock. It was a marvel, and one he would put into appreciative words.

Later.

Eventually.

Apparently this means that docking is possible, but from what I understand docking is very unsafe, so don’t try this at home unless you want ripped foreskin. #safesexwithAmanda

When his boyfriend wasn’t going down on him so earnestly, one hand playing with his balls and the other teasing Killian’s ass and making him want to melt into a puddle of goo.

He tried so hard not to rut his hips, not to fuck Robin’s mouth, but God he couldn’t help it. He did his best to keep his thrusts shallow, but then the goddamn son of a bitch sucked hard and Killian’s body jerked involuntarily; he felt the head of his cock brush the back of Robin’s throat and almost came right then.

He decided to copy Robin’s earlier move and threaded his fingers through Robin’s hair; he silently urged him to move faster, desperate for more and half-wild from the need to come. Robin obliged, his tongue swirling and his teeth ever-so-slightly grazing along the shaft and Killian vaguely tasted blood from biting his lip too hard to keep from crying out.

He didn’t remember an orgasm that powerful before, his hips rutting and rutting into Robin’s willing mouth as he came down his throat. He sagged when it was over, when he was finally spent, and released Robin’s hair to let him up. Killian fell gratefully into Robin’s kiss, both of them more relaxed and their touches more tender, less frantic than before. “Water’s getting cold,” Robin said softly, cupping Killian’s face briefly before tracing the line of his jaw.

using up a university’s ENTIRE supply of hot water, w2g boyos

“Someone interrupted my wash,” Killian said, his weak joke earning a grin in response.

Robin ducked out first, letting Killian scrub himself, though he was a bit more reluctant to wash away the feeling of Robin’s lips over his body. It was a consolation to realize they could do it all over again another time, with more time and more preparation and less chance of someone walking in on them in a somewhat public locker room.

Nothing sexy about locker rooms, he thought, Swan’s words from several months ago coming to mind, we’ll see about that. He wasn’t one to kiss and tell, but he’d give a mild update to Swan when they returned.

Perhaps. Or perhaps he’d keep this new, warm feeling in his chest to himself for a while longer. His own private happiness to keep the demons of defeat away.

Or perhaps it was a private happiness to be shared by two people; Robin’s face when Killian went to change was a complete 180 from before, soft and with a glow that matched the one Killian felt.

They kept sneaking glances at each other as they dressed, smiling when their eyes met. When Killian’s head popped through the opening of his shirt, Robin was there, moving to gently cup the back of Killian’s head and touch their foreheads together. “Thank you,” he said softly.

“Anytime,” Killian replied. “Really.”

That made Robin laugh. “Next time let’s be a bit more private, though, eh?”

They slung their bags over their shoulders and Robin took Killian’s hand as they left the facility. Killian gave it a squeeze, a reassurance that it would be okay – and it would, they both knew it. Their shower dalliance bled away most of the poison but some of the sullenness would return.

But it would be okay. They had each other.

They’d be okay.

and they’ll wear each other’s jerseys and have plenty of time to get better at sex during the offseason! :D Thanks for rereading with my SUPER ENLIGHTENING commentary!

#captain hood #captain hood ff #ouat ff #ouat #commentary fic #casual intimacy

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buffystylez-blog · 8 years ago

Text

I Robot... You Jane

Written by: Ashley Gable and Thomas A. Swyden

Directed by: Stephen Posey

Starring: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Alyson Hannigan, Nicholas Brendon, Anthony Head, and Robia LaMorte.

Welcome to I Robot... You Jane, in which Willow gets Catfished by a demon who likes breaking people’s necks for some reason.

It’s another filler episode and it’s... fine. Willow scans a book into a computer and it turns out it’s not a book but the place a demon called Molloch the Corrupter was bound by some guys called Kayless or whatever. Molloch is unleashed on the internet, but it’s 1997 so I guess the only real damage he could do would be to mess with the Space Jam website. Just checked it - it’s still ok.

I mean, this was the latest technology:

And I was jealous because I didn't have it yet.

Outfit 1

It’s a Pollyanna-heavy episode. But Buffy switches it up a little bit with pigtails. This is a very cute shift dress. I like when Buffy does 60s. I was very keen on the 60s and 70s as a teen. It seemed fun.

Are you wondering if she’s wearing her trusty knee-high boots?

Are you new here? OF COURSE SHE IS.

Jenny Calendar is so cool. She is definitely a teacher I would suck up to and then worry I was creeping out. Like a lot of my lecturers at Uni.

Giles is so hot. I’d probably volunteer for this boring task just to hang out with him. Like a lot of my lecturers at Uni.

Outfit 2

Oh... No. No no. But the high ponytail is killer.

Willow is sporting a cute jacket and headband. The skirt is... also there.

I would have wanted the plastic rings and the shirt. I believe this was related to a thing I remember being obsessed with called French Kitty without knowing exactly what it was. It looks like it was a clothing brand. Maybe it was books. I don’t even know anymore.

I had a little toy thing that hung off my mobile phone that seems vaguely related to this print. I would have lost my shit for this.

The jacket is a slight improvement. Xander’s sweater also makes it seem slightly better. By comparison, that is.

Here they’re wondering if Willow is talking to a murderous circus freak on the internet. Internet Dating really was the Black Mirror of the 1990s.

Outfit 3

I can’t focus on anything other than the scrunchie on Buffy’s wrist. This is no small thing because those sweatpants are hideous. Back in the day I called them tracky-dacks. The day being yesterday. And today. And every day.

Where is she getting all of these t-shirts? The Gap? Australia didn’t have The Gap back then. We had Just Jeans, Jeanswest and Sportsgirl. Maybe Espirit. But those were places in which I couldn't really afford to shop. Well, maybe we just didn’t have The Gap where I grew up in Newcastle, NSW. At the time of writing they don’t even have a legit Topshop.

Outfit 4

The shoes remind me of a story I heard once from the set of The Deerhunter (1978). One day Christopher Walken was about to start filming, but the wardrobe department couldn’t find his shoes. They were starting to panic, Walken was getting agitated, the director was furious. Anyway, Walken’s costar Robert De Niro walks by, and when they look down and they see he’s wearing the missing shoes.

“Hey, De Niro!” the wardrobe person shouts, “these boots are made for Walken!”

Ahem.

That’s not a real story. It’s a joke I made up.

Buffy wears these boots most of the episode. It could have been due to filming constraints that week. They look marvellous.

There’s a print on the dress/shirt. I couldn’t tell what it was. It was probably very 90s.

I bloody love it when Buffy dresses like a detective from the 1970s. I also love that she thinks this makes her blend in.

HOW IS SHE PERFECTLY MATCHING SUNGLASSES TO HER JACKET AND HER MAKEUP.

Outfit 5

This Pollyanna. Is. AMAZING. Every time I try this I end up looking more like Tina from season 2 of Spaced. Which is fine, I guess.

Xander’s jacket is... actually not that bad. In fact, it might look really good... on Faith. But I’m getting way ahead of myself here.

This is sparkly and kind of lovely if not for the black trim and questionable bra underneath. I really liked it - I bought a very similar shirt from Just Jeans. I believe mine was Lurex. I never wore it. I recently saw something close in a Rose Gold at Sportsgirl. I did not buy it.

Buffy here is about to be stopped by Dave, who tells her Willow is waiting for her in the Girls Locker Room.

Buffy, no! It’s a trap!

Those pants will not age well.

Still better than Xander’s hair.

I feel like Molloch’s brainwashing has affected Willow’s style. Her ensembles have gone from super adorable to just adorable.

So cool.

So hot.

This pattern is nice.

Buffy’s animal print jackets give me life. If I’m honest I prefer the hooded one from Never Kill a Boy on the First Date. She looks a bit like a Mob Wife here. This is a compliment.

Buffy and Xander go to the creepy research lab place thing and save Willow. Sort of. Willow saves herself as best she can. And Jenny and Giles are doing internet spell things, too.

Molloch tells Willow that he lied about being Malcolm and being a demon but his feelings were real. That’s what they all say, Molloch. That’s what they all say.

Pretty sure I had Xander’s shoes in year 10.

The day is saved. Hooray!

So fucking cool.

So fucking hot.

Outfit 6

The Scooby Gang reflect on their love lives being shithouse: Xander was nearly killed by a Praying Mantis who preys on virgins, Willow’s aforementioned Catfishing, and Buffy being attracted to a vampire. At least they all look pretty great. Even Xander.

SHE’S MATCHING HER SUNNIES TO HER LIP COLOUR AND IT’S WONDERFUL HOW IS SHE DOING THIS HOW IS SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR SO CUTE.

Coming soon on the blog I’ll fill you in on the next audio commentary me and my buddy Luke are cooking up next. I promise there will be Spells, Man. Spellman. Sabrina Spellman. That’s... too much. I gave away too much.

Next up, something scarier than vampires: high school talent shows.

Until then, Slayerettes.

Screencaps via Screencapped.Net

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chiyohlecter · 7 years ago

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so imma put this under a cut because at this point all of my followers must be sick of me. and yes you guessed it it is about the winter olympics. since it has been over now for a little while i have assessed all my thoughts and since all my friends are sick of me talking about this too, tumblr it is

1. all the sports/athletes i don’t care about enough to warrant their own point:

- when i made fun of the winter sports i jokingly tossed out the idea of a team luge and as i have learned the double’s luge is actually a thing and it looks… well google it

- also about luge, i have learned that it is actually more dangerous than the skeleton. that sounds fake but ok…

- those korean curling girls really were the cutest, but there’s not enough cuteness in this world to make me enjoy curling

- snowboarders get to name the tricks they invent, from what i gather they must really fucking love mcdonald’s

- elizabeth swaney is following in the footsteps of the all-time greats eddie the eagle and eric the eel, fortunately for her there is no animal that does anything even remotely resembling freestyle skiing, so no nickname like that for her

- in my post that i have mentioned earlier i also joked about hockey being first and foremost about people punching each other and listen i’m not gonna pretend that i saw even one full hockey match, but i saw a part of lots of hockey matches and holy shit i was right

- speaking of hockey, it yielded my favourite piece of commentary ever: “young has basically no teeth left, so what has he to lose?“

- i don’t even really like nordic combined (even though it combines two things that i do like so it doesn’t really add up, whatever, don’t think about it), but i do sometimes watch it and have a fav and holy shit he fucking won, johannes rydzek won, i’m really happy for him

2. speed skating (short and long track, but there are really only two things i want to say so whatever):

- ireen wust becoming the most decorated speed skater of all times!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a bisexual icon!!!!!!!!!

- listen i’m as far from patriotic as one can be, the only time i even remotely feel any positive feelings about my country is during the olympics, the summer olympics that is, because let’s face it winter sports? not our greatest strength. BUT the short track speed skating relay won hungary’s first ever winter olympics gold and i’m so happy and proud and just??? agfshgfhdgfgj

3. biathlon:

- laura dahlmeier is precious and also a two-time olympic champion and i fucking love her

- is martin fourcade even human??? but joking aside i have really warmed to him in these past few years and i’m glad he did so well

- also finding out that johannes boe is only like three years older than me fucked me up, because he looks at least fourty, but good on him for that gold medal

- also arnd peiffer&simon schempp my german boys, love them. sad they only got bronze in the relay though

- and on the topic of relays: what the actual fuck were both of those relays?

4. figure skating:

- if anything this olympics just comfired that i love watching figure skating programs, but hate watching actual competitions

- like it’s beautiful and all, but any sports with judges can suck my dick, seriously scores are bullshit and someone will inevitably shout “robbed“ (believe me, i used to be that person, but no more, because i stopped giving a fuck after sochi)

- that being said there will never come a day when i don’t love carolina kostner

- or tessa and scott the pair who made me care about ice dancing, like even though i know every competition is bullshit i can’t help but be supper happy for my canadian angels

- but not as happy as i was for aljona savchenko, bullshit scores or not FUCKING FINALLY, now i can go to my death in peace, she has her gold medal

- and really now that she has achieved her dream i don’t really have any more reason to give a shit about who wins/loses, so i will go back to watching these amazing performances on yt and not worrying about wining

- also i am probably the only human on earth whose least favourite skating event is the men’s, but it’s just how it is

5. cross country skiing:

- first of all: marit bjoergen is an absolute fucking legend and i bow down before her, 15 medals, 8 gold medals, wow, just wow

- second norwegian i bow down before: johannes klaebo (i have no idea how to spell his middle name, or pronounce it for that matter), like i have seen him race like once before the olympics, but holy cow that is one really fast kid

- dario cologna winning the 15k AGAIN and it made me really happy actually

- the usa winning the women’s team sprint was just??? i mean i’m still not over it, like good on them??? but to me it was disappointing

- disappointing, because it meant only silver for sweden and charlotte kalla, who is my absolute fav and won 4 medals!!!!!!! only one of them is gold, but still i love her and am so proud of her!!!!!!!!

6. ski jumping:

- andi wellinger winning the normal hill???? FUCK YEAH

- the conditions were… let’s say rough, but in the end i think the win was well-deserved, but they didn’t have to put some of the jumpers through THAT (cough simi cough)

- i was otherwise obligated during the large hill and literally only caught the last 5 jumpers of the second round

- i know his second jump wasn’t as good, but not having seen it and then having the commentator announce that michi hayboeck was in second place after the first jump made my heart swell so much

- as for the winner i love kamil stoch, but i would love to have seen wellinger take both, and also this was the second time he jumped right onto that green line, same situation with kasai four years ago, he won then, i think wellinger should have won this one, but still a good result

- and oh the team competition… just take me back to vancouver… i don’t really like team norway (and i know this is fucking superficial, but all of them look like very specific fuckboys i have known at various points in my life, yes even the moustache man), i would have much preferd germany or poland taking this one, but really please do take me back to vancouver, because austria being 4th a mile behind the podium is just too much for me, i want them to win, always

- kasai noriaki is a fucking ledgend and i love him!!!!! 8th olympics bitch and he said he was gonna do one more!!!!!!

now hold on to your butts because alpine skiing is coming starting a whole new list!!!!

1. team event:

- i didn’t really care about this to be honest, i was rooting for austria as i usually do

- they only got second, but it’s good enough for me since they didn’t even get a medal in st moritz

- switzerland won which i guess i’m kinda sorta happy for, because i love wendy holdener and she got to round out her medal collection

2. women’s alpine combined:

- so i didn’t get to see any of this, not even reruns, i was unable to watch the slalom run because i was on my way to uni at that time and i didn’t get to watch the downhill run, because it was at 3 am and that day i already got up at 2 am to watch something else (we’ll get to that later) and after the disappointment i went back to sleep because i needed it

- anyways, i really wanted wendy to win this and her getting only a bronze was kind of a disappointment, i mean i was prepared for mika maybe beating her to it, but not gisin

- still happy for the medals wendy and mika got, i never cared about gisin, but after her win here i will definitely pay attention to her more

3. women’s giant slalom:

- okay so no viktoria or tessa on the podium is a big wow, like i was prepared for mika to win this one too (lmao i was prepared for her to come in and win literally everything), but i thought the podium would be rounded out by those two

- but it was ragnhild mowinckel and federica brignone and i couldn’t be happier about it like??? mowinckel if i’m correct was on the podium the last gs race before the games, but still what a surprise

- as for brignone? FUCK YEAH, i really really wanted her to get a medal and she did, way to go girl

4. women’s slalom:

- mika not getting a medal in slalom, finishing 4th, you must be kidding me

- but frida winning and wendy being second AFHGGASDHJFHJHJK I LOVE IT

- also katharina gallhuber winning bronze, fuck yeah austria

- this was a surprising result, but i absolutely fucking love it

5. women’s super-g:

- ester ledecka winning was the biggest shock of the games hands down, but her winning this and then another gold in snowboarding, legends only, like i do not care one bit about snowboarding, but i was rooting for her to win that one too

- but not gonna lie now i love that she won, but at first my reaction other than shock was sadness and disappointment, because she knocked anna to second place by 0.01 and anna is my absolute fav and i wanted her to win so badly, so my heart broke a little

- but still anna my fav and tina my second fav being on the podium is great and i love them and they are beautiful and talanted and amazing, but it was ester ledecka’s day

- also ngl i was kinda sad for lara too, not even getting a medal… next time little one, next time

6. women’s downhill:

- SOFIA GOGGIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOFIA GOGGIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- seriously i am so happy for her, i was hoping for this but i didn’t dare dream it would actually happen, but she won

- mowinckel second again? holy shit, look out for this girl

- lindsey taking bronze… i know she wanted something shinier, and honestly i would have been okay with her winning, because this was probably a last for her and sofia will have another chance, but still this is how it is and she said it felt like gold and i hope she means it, because what a fucking legend

7. men’s downhill:

- speaking of legends: aksel lund svindal, his win was so well-deserved and he waited for it for a really long time and i’m happy for him

- even though by far my favourite member of the norwegian team is kjetil jansrud, who took silver, but honestly i am okay with svindal winning and kjetil being only second

- i also would have loved to see an austrian on the podium, but oh well, this is how it is

- i know beat feuz was a favourite to win this, but i actually much prefer the two norwegians over him, still a medal well-deserved for him too

- also aksel lund svindal became the only man in olympics history to have won both the downhill and the super-g at the olympics, that is until…

8. men’s super-g:

- MATTHIAS MAYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE MY AUSTRIAN BABY

- seriously after the downhill in sochi now he wins the super-g, both of those to my delighted surprise, i honestly love this boy, he can only ever be my second favourite austrian son, but still that is a very high place of honour at my table

- also another medal for kjetil and for beat feuz, feuz placing higher in the super-g than in the downhill might be a little bit of a surprise, i think kjetil was hoping for something better, but still he’s going home with two medals

9. men’s slalom:

- aka my death aka sochi 2 electric boogaloo, wait no i’m kidding it was actually worse

- so let’s start off with the podium before discussing crushed dreams

-andre myhrer winning at the tender age of 35? good for him, i seriously can’t muster more than this, did he deserve it? probably, yeah. do i have to be happy about it? not really. i mean he is the last slalom globe winner not called hirscher or kristoffersen, so i guess it’s fitting that he’s the one who won. and like he had injuries, he dnf-ed from second place in sochi (what goes around comes around, i guess), so yeah he is a deserving winner, but i am a salty bitch what can i say

- zenhausern winning silver… i literally have no opinion of this guy whatsoever other than yelling “jesus just how fucking tall is he????“ everytime i see him, but good for him

- michi matt winning bronze, now this one i have forseen just not behind those two people, again well-deserved, but if i’m being honest there are two austrians i would rather have seen on the podium, but i take what i can get

- now on the crushed hopes and dreams

- listen, i don’t like henrik kristoffersen, i never liked him, i don’t hate him or anything, he’s just not on the list of my favourites (which when talking about your fav’s biggest rival i think is pretty normal), but holy shit my heart broke for him a little bit, like i nearly cried on public transport, because of a guy i don’t even like. he had the chance of a lifetime, like honestly there is one person on the planet who is as good as him and he gave him a huge fucking chance, yet henrik wasted it, and i would have said that he wasted it if he came second, but this way he really, really wasted it, and honestly the reason i was so sad was not really henrik himself, but the fact that if marcel couldn’t win this then i at least wanted it to be someone who might as well have beaten him in a really tight race and that person would be henrik, but alas, no finish for henrik

- and no finish for marcel hirscher either. did it destroy me? absolutely. did i cry myself to sleep afterwards? you bet. am i still kinda sad about it? unfortunately. will i ever get over it? probably not (well there is one way i’ll definitely get over it, but i’m trying not hold out too much hope for that). would i have prefered him losing the gold, but finishing the race? i’d say so, yes. but didn’t i say at the very begining of this post that i assesed my feelings? i did say that, and i did do that. so if you want to know how i feel like overall…

10. men’s alpine combined:

- I AM REALLY SUPER FUCKING HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MARCEL!!!!!!!!!!!! MARCEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MARCEL HIRSCHER!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY TINY CHILD THAT I ADOPTED ALL THOSE YEARS AGO FINALLY DID IT, YOU HEAR ME HE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT SLALOM RUN WITH THE WIND, BUT HE’S LIKE YO FUCK THE WIND AND ALSO THE BEST DOWNHILL HE EVER HAD, I AGREE WITH HIM ON THAT ONE. HE’S THE FUCKING BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!

- there were other people on the podium too, alexis and victor, i am happy for both of them, but honestly jesus mary and joseph could be on the podium for all i care so long as marcel is first and he is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- also i absolutely did not cry through this entire event, whoever tells you that is a fucking liar… i also didn’t have to change my shirt because i cried into it so much just fyi…

11. men’s giant slalom:

- HEY YOU KNOW WHAT’S BETTER THAN MARCEL HIRSCHER WINNING A GOLD MEDAL? IT IS MARCEL HIRSCHER WINNING TWO GOLD MEDALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BECAUSE HE DID THAT HE WON THIS ONE TOO, A FUCKING LEGEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- seriously he won it by a huge fucking margin, he left nothing up for questioning and honestly after 4 globes (not to celebrate too early, but possibly five), this was so fucking well-deserved and like he was 4th in vancouver and 4th in sochi, they say that is the worst place to be, but he came back a third time anD HE FUCKING WON

- as for the rest, henrik at least is not going home empty-handed, he won a silver medal with a second run that was amazing, and alexis the second best gs skier of the past few years won a bronze, so another well-deserved podium

- MARCEL HIRSCHER IS A TWO-TIME OLYMPIC CHAMPION AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I CAN’T FIND THE WORDS TO EXPRESS IT

ok that’s it, bye

tl;dr the olympics was fun and i really love alpine skiing and marcel hirscher

#winter olympics #sports #i am so sorry if you read the whole thing #srsly just go read war and peace instead #i didn't plan on this being so fucking long

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jiriecaribbean · 9 months ago

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Elaine Thompson-Herah's Quest for Olympic History at USATF Bermuda Grand Prix 2024 Season Openier

Elaine Thompson-Herah's Quest for Olympic History at USATF Bermuda Grand Prix 2024 Season Openier https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cs2MNdTshI Olympic champion Elaine Thompson-Herah gears up to rewrite history at the USATF Bermuda Grand Prix! Discover her journey, coaching changes, and predictions for an electrifying performance that could mark a new era in women's sprinting. Don't miss out on the thrill – hit play now and witness greatness in action! #ParisOlympic2024 #elainethompsonherah 🔔 Love Caribbean sports? Subscribe for exclusive updates, debates, and live action from major events. Join us and stay in the lead! https://www.youtube.com/@caribbeanfocussports360/?sub_confirmation=1 ✅Important Links to Follow 🔗Online Store https://ift.tt/qraH7h8 🔗 Support Our Other Channels ✨Caribbean Focus Lifestyle https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVK2kdq_dS8AC8-ZyvBMYFw ✨Caribbean Focus Travels https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbpbS2NlicZM-nT5_L8qhqA ✨Jirie Caribbean Blog: https://www.jirie.com ✅ Stay Connected With Us. 👉Facebook: https://ift.tt/Il4sc5M 👉Instagram: https://ift.tt/qMxLESI 👉Twitter (X): https://twitter.com/JirieC 👉Pinterest: https://ift.tt/fH7qjVi 👉Website: https://ift.tt/Mjah8sp ✅ For Business Inquiries: [email protected] ============================= ✅ Other Videos You Might Be Interested In Watching: 👉 Caribbean Athletes Dominate the 2024 Millrose Games - A Recap of Power and Precision https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQ29N80Hc_w 👉 Tina Clayton, Rasheed Broadbell & Nickisha Pryce Wins Big at Tyson Invitational https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eX969c-FmtQ 👉 Bahamian Devynne Charlton Breaking Barriers - Olympic Dreams and National Glory https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6XVLrpZoQE 👉 Julien Alfred's Epic 2024 Season - World's Fastest in 60m and 200m - New Mexico Collegiate Classic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqCwju2nsJk 👉 Top 10 Best Male Track & Field Performances by Caribbean Athletes In History https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vk-2g8MLch8 ============================= ✅ About Caribbean Focus Sports by J-irie. Welcome to the home of Caribbean Focus Sports by J-irie channel, where you'll find the best coverage of all sports where Caribbean athletes participate within the region and globally. Covering up-to-the-minute sports news, headlines, scores, highlights, debates & stats, exclusive interviews, commentary, and live on-demand events including but not limited to the Olympic Games, World Athletics Championships, and Diamond League. For copyright queries or general inquiries, please use the contact information below: 📩 Email: [email protected] 🔔 Want to follow Caribbean athletes globally? Subscribe to Caribbean Focus Sports by J-irie for top sports news, debates, and live event coverage. Stay ahead with us! https://www.youtube.com/@caribbeanfocussports360/?sub_confirmation=1 ================================= ADD HASHTAGS HERE ⚠️DISCLAIMER: All the videos, songs, images, and graphics used in the video belong to their respective owners, and I or this channel do not claim any right over them. Copyright Disclaimer Under section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for “fair use” for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, education, and research. Fair use is permitted by copyright statutes that might otherwise be infringing. AFFILIATE LINKS: Links included in this description might be affiliate links. If you purchase a product or service with our links, Jirie Caribbean may receive a small commission. There is NO ADDITIONAL charge for you! Thank you for supporting Jirie Caribbean so we can continue providing free content about Caribbean Lifestyle and Travel Adventures! © Caribbean Focus Sports by J-irie Sources: https://youtu.be/io5yBcW-mGI via Caribbean Focus Sports by J-irie https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVOjKpSZxJYB4qe8oOs4Q3w March 25, 2024 at 01:11AM

#IFTTT #Caribbean Focus Sports by J-irie

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ethanalter · 7 years ago

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'SNL' recap: Natalie Portman returns to rap, spoof 'Stranger Things'

The first “Natalie Raps” remains one of Natalie Portman’s best screen performances and Lonely Island’s greatest Saturday Night Live achievements — their own personal Star Wars, if you will. This week’s sequel could never be The Empire Strikes Back or The Last Jedi… it just had to outclass Attack of the Clones. Thankfully “Natalie Raps 2” falls squarely into Force Awakens territory, a loose repeat that knowingly plays on everything we loved about the original, right down to the Andy Samberg cameo and Portman’s “No more questions” tag. But the high point had to be seeing Portman in her old Princess Amidala get-up, a bit of galactic nostalgia that actually made us want to revisit the prequels, Jar Jar Binks and all.

Worst Sketch: “Stranger Things 3” The Internet has already decided that Millie Bobby Brown and Natalie Portman are basically the same person, so a Stranger Things spoof with the former Padme as the current Eleven must have seemed like a slam dunk. Too bad the writers spent more time scrolling through the Portman/Brown Twitter memes than trying to come up with better material than boner gags and fart jokes.

Best Ad Disguised as a Sketch: “Opening Monologue” It’s a time-honored tradition for SNL hosts to hype their upcoming projects when they first take the stage. But Portman barely made any mention of her new movie, Annihilation — which comes out Feb. 23, for the record — instead expertly (and hilariously) shilling for NBC’s upcoming Winter Olympics coverage as Kate McKinnon and Kenan Thompson provided incisive mid-monologue commentary. And like the best ads, the monologue performed a valuable public service by reminding the nation that Leslie Jones will be sharing her expert opinions from Pyeongchang. Consider us sold.

Best Drunk History Homage: “Patriots vs. Philadelphia” Speaking of commercials for upcoming NBC sporting events, SNL brought back star players Rachel Dratch and Tina Fey to hype the network’s telecast of Super Bowl LII. The pair headed up opposing tribes of Revolutionary War-era New England patriots and fly Philadelphians united in drunken boasting about their battlefield prowess. Fifty years from now, Drunk History should do a boozy recreation about how this sketch came to be.

Best “Weekend Update” Guests: Brigitte Bardot and Catherine Deneuve McKinnon and Cecily Strong had a grand old time playing two grand dames of French cinema, back in the news for their less-than-popular views about the #MeToo movement and sexual harassment in the movie industry. These two may not be woke, but their presence perked up an otherwise listless “Update.”

Trump’s Return: “Fox & Friends Cold Open” After taking January off, Alec Baldwin emerged from his burrow the night after Groundhog Day to reprise his Donald Trump impression for the first time since mid-December. And since we didn’t see his shadow, that means it may not be another six weeks until Baldwin’s next SNL appearance. And maybe then he won’t phone it in… literally. In the cold open, the actor rang up his friends over at Fox & Friends to chat about the news of the day, including a certain memo and the (not so) enormous State of the Union ratings. Calling in from his White House digs in the middle of his morning exercise — chowing down on a calorie-rich breakfast sandwich — Trump boasted about “saving the economy” and “destroying ISIS” before revealing he was also in the process of getting his daily intelligence briefing. His source? Fox & Friends, of course.

But this particular briefing proved to be a two-way street, as Trump shared some invented intel with the unquestioning hosts. He offered a ringing endorsement of his personal “house elf,” Devin Nunes, who did him a solid by penning “the greatest memo since the Declaration of Independence.” And as for the State of the Union, according to POTUS’s dubious sources, it nabbed 10 billion viewers — three billion more than actually exist on Earth. Not only that, none other than Paul Ryan described his oration as being “better than Martin Luther King’s ‘I Dream of Jeannie’ speech.” A lot of it certainly felt like a re-run, that’s for sure.

Melania’s Return: “First Lady” Later on in the show, Trump’s better half, Melania, got the chance to tell her side of the State of the Union, when she was visited by the spirits of First Ladies past. The visitations started with Portman reprising her Oscar-nominated role as Jackie Kennedy, who commiserated with the current FLOTUS about philandering husbands. “Jack cheated on me with Marilyn Monroe,” Jackie O pointed out, to which Melania replied, “She was in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes — Donald’s girl was in Guys Like It Shaved.” The party got bigger when Kate McKinnon’s Hillary Clinton entered the room, followed by Aidy Bryant as Martha Washington and Leslie Jones as the eternally popular Michelle Obama. “My arms rule, I love vegetables, and I can be President whenever I want,” Michelle said to enthusiastic applause. Put that in a memo and release it!

Episode MVP: Beck Bennett It takes a brave performer to talk out of his ass without blinking an eye. And Bennett heroically subjected his butt to a lengthy close-up in a “What the hell was that?” Star Trek spoof, “Alien Lover,” where Portman’s human officer cozied up to an alien colleague whose face was his rear and vice versa. Whether flexing his buns to simulate speech or using water to turn the seat of his pants into a puddle, Bennett committed to his part with cheeky intensity. If they ever reboot Ace Ventura, he’s a shoo-in to replace Jim Carrey.

Saturday Night Live airs Saturdays at 11:30 p.m. on NBC.

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‘This Is Us’: We figured out exactly when Jack Pearson died

Why these conspiracy theorists are trying to sabotage ‘Black Panther’

‘Altered Carbon’ review: It’s is a great-looking sci-fi epic. It’s also very silly.

#news #_revsp:wp.yahoo.tv.us #natalie portman #rachel dratch #alec baldwin #_category:yct:001000086 #_lmsid:a0Vd000000AE7lXEAT #snl #super bowl #tina fey #recaps #_author:Ethan Alter #andy samberg #_uuid:ee68c3a1-f663-38d4-ba50-b70d9a354a06 #saturday night live #donald trump

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dinakaplan · 7 years ago

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Make Healthy Choices in 9 Tricky Situations with These Useful Tips (Stick to Your Healthy Habits!)

By Anisha Jhaveri • Originally published by Greatist

Ever get the cold shoulder for not partaking in cupcakes brought to the office? Teased for waking up early on vacation to fit in a run? Or maybe you’ve “ruined it for everyone” by saying no to another round of drinks?

Yeah. We’ve been there.

Sticking to healthy habits can be hard, so it doesn’t help when your commitment is met with jabs and side-eyes. And while we all know sassy comebacks, responding to negativity with negativity is never a good idea. Not only will it get you and your naysayers nowhere, but it could end up causing resentment or damaging relationships. And it’ll definitely kill the vibe at brunch.

It’s important to remember that most of these critiques are the result of people who are misinformed but well-intentioned or people who feel insecure or disappointed about their own health-related decisions.

First, pause to consider if they have a point. All healthy lifestyles need balance. But assuming your choices are sound, stick to your guns with grace. With that in mind, here are several productive ways to fend off unwelcome flak.

1. Thanksgiving Dinner

The situation: Although your family is aware of your healthy-eating style, they remain hell-bent on pushing food:

“Just eat it, it’s not going to kill you!”

“You could afford to have some.”

“But I made this just for you!”

What you’re tempted to say: “You made this just for me? Really? Clearly you don’t know me as well as I thought you did.”

Do this instead: It’s tricky when you’re dealing with family members and don’t want to disrespect anyone. But you don’t need to give in either, says Sherry Pagoto, Ph.D., a psychologist and associate professor at the University of Massachusetts Medical School.

“Your aunt [or another older family member] is of a different generation, where expressing love for people meant cooking for them,” Pagoto says. “There’s no point in trying to change the way she thinks.”

The quickest way to end this interaction is to say thank you with a smile and eat what you originally planned. If anyone insists on seeing you finish the portion, make an excuse about feeling uncomfortably full and ask if you can take it home. Later, you’re free to do with the food what you wish. (Read: Chuck it.)

2. The BBQ

The situation: You’re the only non-carnivore at your friend’s annual bash. While he is thoughtful enough to grill you a veggie burger, fellow guests aren’t as considerate:

“I feel bad for you—how can you live without bacon?”

“Isn’t fake meat gross?”

“How do you get protein if you don’t eat meat?”

What you’re tempted to say: “Here’s an idea: How about you don’t ask me about my protein, and I won’t ask you about your cholesterol?”

Do this instead: While trainer and dietitian Erica Giovinazzo keeps an animal-protein focused diet, she understands the frustration of her vegetarian clients. Her advice:

Remember that you make your own choices. “Pressure is likely to come from everyone telling us what we should do, and sometimes we forget we’re in charge of our lives,” she says. “Once we remember that, we’re able to better deal in situations that challenges those decisions.”

Giovinazzo says the trick is to stay positive rather than defensive. Try: “My veggie burger is superb! You should try one! You’d be surprised how good it tastes!” They may or may not take you up on it, but they’ll know not to argue further with someone so confident.

3. The Visit Home

The situation: Seeing family means you’re instantly fair game for unsolicited commentary on everything from love life to career choices. But today’s hot topic is your body:

“You must work out all the time—you’ve lost so much weight!”

“You’re so thin! How much do you weigh?”

“Looks like someone could stand to eat a cheeseburger!”

What you’re tempted to say: “I weigh somewhere between ‘buzz off’ and ‘mind your own business!'”

Do this instead: Often people become judgmental of others’ healthy habits when they feel threatened. “The criticism can really be a veiled expression of jealousy,” Pagoto says. Rather than biting back, diffuse the situation: “Thanks for being concerned about my health, but there is nothing to worry about. My doctor said that my weight is healthy and to keep up my good eating and exercise habits.”

Giovinazzo also suggests taking the focus off your appearance and enthusiastically sharing how your habits have helped you in other ways: “I feel better and more energetic than ever since I started working out regularly! Can you believe I can do pull-ups now?”

4. The Dinner Party

The situation: The spread is butter-laden, deep-fried, and carb-dense. Eating this meal equals a massive food hangover. You help yourself to what you can, but when others see your plate, they exclaim:

“Why are you barely eating?!”

“What? You don’t like any of this food?!”

What you’re tempted to say: “I don’t feel like committing gustatory assault on my system, ’kaythanks.”

Do this instead: “You shouldn’t have to explain to others what you do or don’t put into your mouth,” says Lindsey Joe, R.D. Don’t feel pressured to justify your choices. Joe suggests simply stating, “This is plenty for me. Thank you for preparing all this!”

Another tactic, recommended by Tina Gowin, R.D., is to smile and redirect the conversation. Try: “I’m just pacing myself with this great spread! Hey, how was that vacation you just went on?” It’s bound to get your host chatting and gently steer the focus away from food. No matter what you say, both Joe and Gowin stress the key is to be polite.

5. Lunch at the Office

The situation: Everyone wants the fast-food chain you can’t stand. You don’t want to be disagreeable and go along with the order, but then your coworker passes you a box of sugary churros:

“Come on, you can be unhealthy for a day!”

“If we split dessert, we can split the calories!”

What you’re tempted to say: “Hey, you can make poor choices all by yourself. Look at that haircut, for example.”

Do this instead: You don’t have to feel hesitant to pass on something you genuinely don’t want, but remember, you work with these people five days a week, so keep it civil. Joe uses a simple, “Thanks for offering, but no thanks. I’m stuffed from lunch!”

One of Gowin’s go-to responses is, “I’m going out for a nice dinner later and want wiggle room for a juicy steak!” White lies are OK, Gowin says, as long as they aren’t too complicated and won’t get you in trouble later (i.e.—Don’t say you’re going gluten-free and then get caught eating pita chips).

To avoid awkward moments in the future, she also suggests making a game plan. “Keep paper menus of the restaurants you and your coworkers order from and highlight your best options,” she says. “This way, you know what to get no matter what.”

6. The Workout Buddy Who Bails

The situation: You text your friend to confirm tomorrow’s post-work running date and she bails for the third time in a row:

“Let’s play hookie! Netflix and takeout beat pounding the pavement!”

“I’ve been slammed at work. Can’t you take a break too?”

“What’s the big deal? We’ll just reschedule.”

What you’re tempted to say: “Sure. First I’ll just remind your S.O. what you think of commitment.”

Say this instead: While it can be frustrating to have a friend cancel on you repeatedly, there’s no need to blacklist someone for flaking, says Justin Robinson, a sports dietitian and strength and conditioning coach.

Acknowledge the fact that balance and rest days are a part of any fitness plan, but stick to your guns: “Thai food sounds awesome, but I took a day off earlier this week and I’m booked tomorrow. So I really need to get this workout in today. Let me know what your weekend plans are and we’ll meet up.”

Moving forward, Robinson suggests shopping for a new fitness buddy who shares your dedication.

7. The Mexican Food Truck

The situation: When your burrito arrives, you pull off the tortilla (rice and beans are enough for you) and dig in with a fork. You’re then hit with comments from your fellow diners:

“That is so weird.”

“Can’t you just eat it the way it is?”

What you’re tempted to say: “I’m sorry, food police! I didn’t realize I was over the limit in the no-tortilla zone.”

Do this instead: The comments may have nothing to do with you, Pagoto says. Watching your healthy habits may remind your fellow diners of their own struggles to do the same and bring up feelings of resentment. Keeping that in mind, she recommends responding with a light comment: “You guys have known me for years and only now realize I’m weird?! I just don’t want to fill up on tortilla when it’s the filling I really like.”

Giovanizzo’s tactic of returning their question also works: “I always get too full if I eat it with the tortilla. Don’t you hate feeling stuffed?”

8. Post-Work Happy Hour

The situation: You’re out with coworkers, but you’d rather just enjoy their company and skip the booze. When you pass on alcohol, your colleagues start in:

“You’re so boring!”

“Oh, come on, just have one drink!”

“Are you anti-alcohol now too?”

What you’re tempted to say: “Well, no, but this interrogation is going to drive me to drink!”

Do this instead: Over the years, Robinson’s experience has revealed that the more you talk and make excuses, the more your friends will pry. His advice? “A short answer is best when discussing why you choose not to drink: ‘I just don’t feel like drinking tonight.’”

Limiting your behavior to that moment (versus a lifestyle choice) deflects any larger debate. If that doesn’t do the trick, humor is another great option: “Now you have a sober driver to make sure a lightweight like you makes it home!” To appear social, Robinson suggests ordering a club soda and lime or even an iced tea with lemon. Both look like cocktails, help you hydrate, and may get people off your case. Win-win.

9. The Unhealthy Restaurant

The situation: While the rest of the table starts with fries and mozzarella sticks, you opt for a salad. Your friends are immediately annoyed:

“Of course, you always get the rabbit food.”

“Are you on a diet or something?”

“Ugh, I can’t imagine eating just a salad for dinner.”

What you’re tempted to say: “Don’t worry. I’ll ask the waiter to batter and deep-fry the lettuce so we can match. Twinsies!”

Do this instead: It’s frustrating to feel attacked by your fellow diners, and as tempting as it may be to criticize their choices, it’s better not to be judgmental, Gowin and Joe say.

If simply laughing it off and changing the subject won’t work, give them some insight on why you’re eating the way you are: “The grease upsets my stomach and I’d rather feel good instead of ending up in a food coma and having to go home early.” If you’re with true friends, Gowin says, you can honestly talk to them about your lifestyle preferences and ask for their support.

Let us know in the comments: How do you make healthy choices when eating out and in other tricky situations?

[Read More ...] https://foodrevolution.org/blog/making-healthy-food-choices/

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markashtonlund · 7 years ago

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On Friday The Skating Club of Boston hosted Celebrating an Icon about “the life and extraordinary achievements” of Thomas J. McGinnis. Indeed, it was a night to remember.

Celebrating an Icon. On-ice tribute to Thomas J. McGinnis.

When my friend, business partner and mentor passed away in July, many of us in the skating world and beyond were mourning in our own way. While I knew Tom’s life was filled with decades of accomplishments, he was relatively humble in what he achieved for himself while steadfastly promoting others. As the consummate coach, Tom was always imparting his knowledge and insight to those of us in his world.

With Tenley Albright and Allyson Brooks Carling.

Shortly after the invitation to attend the event, I was asked to announce and commentate. Of course, I was happy to oblige. I heard during the weeks leading up to the event who would be attending and generally what the evening would entail. There was going to be an on-ice tribute followed by a video presentation.

Gerry Lane, Pat Severance, Allyson Brooks Carling, Roger Collard, Diane Boucas Johnson and Lyn Benson.

When I was practicing the script during the day, it was impossible to not be filled with emotion. I took a break and went into some of my archives and looked at old issues of the magazine that we used to publish. Seeing Tom’s name on the masthead and looking at select pictures of us at events I remember stopping to reflect on what those years were like. Tom loved the glamour of the sport, the stars that it created. Throughout our years of publication, I always strived to create a sense of glamour, particularly with the events we produced. He loved the reception we had in New York City when the magazine named The 25 Most Influential Names in Figure Skating.

With Tom and Lois at The 25 Most Influential names in Figure Skating. 2002. New York City. We produced this star-studded event in a theater.

But it was Friday night that brought us all home to celebrate Tom’s life and to share our memories. The skating world is like a family of many relatives, close and distant. But Friday marked a family reunion, one that Tom would have loved.

Sheryl Franks and Beth-Anne Duxbury.

I know it was hard for many of us to keep our emotions in check on Friday. For me, there was a moment during the commentary when I almost lost it. The final performance was by coach Stephanie Cooke who was once a student of Tom’s. Before her performance she asked that I read her tribute to Tom. I didn’t make eye contact with her until the passage, “I hope to make him very proud.” When we looked at each other the emotion of the moment caught us both. I said to myself OMG she has to skate and I need to talk…get it together! I swear in that moment, I heard Tom say “breathe.” Of course I took his direction!

Larry Zimmerman, Tina Noyes, and Gerry Lane .

After the on-ice tribute we retreated upstairs to a video presentation (click this link to watch on YouTube). After the video many offered their personal stories of Tom throughout the years. They were all different, interesting and came from the heart. They painted a picture of someone who was larger than life. We were all proud to be part of his canvas.

The takeaway from the evening was obvious. All of us are now imparting Tom’s coaching and words of wisdom to others, as it should be. Tom left this world a better place, and we are all better off for knowing him.

My thanks to The Skating Club of Boston for producing Celebrating an Icon.

Thomas J. McGinnis

The stars sign for THE star.

An Icon On Friday The Skating Club of Boston hosted Celebrating an Icon about “the life and extraordinary achievements” of Thomas J.

#figure skating #The Skating Club of Boston #Thomas J. McGinnis

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curious-minx · 4 years ago

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Entering into a new dawn of Corporatist Neoliberalism, all while leaving behind a rising Fascist Empire. A solid Bob’s Burgers and a surprisingly decent Simpsons is your reward.

“Fast Time Capsules at Wagstaff School” once again finds the show operating in the territory it does best: A Poignant twee commentary with the junior Belchers and a nearly pointless sideplot with the adult Belchers that actually sports a satisfying conclusion. The ingredients of a quality kids subplot requires a touch of Tina having the conflict of wielding too much power passed down to her by Mr. Frond whose mere appearance reliably bumps an episode up a notch. This episode not only also weaves the usual Tammy and Jocelyn jealousy games with Tina but also splashes two other of Tina’s peers into the mix: Jim Gaffigan’s Kelsey Grammar indebted Henry Haber and girl friend Sasmina voiced by National Treasure Aparna Nancherla. The episode focuses primarily on Tina’s gatekeeping of the contents of the Wagstaff time capsule. A particularly timely concept for a year where history is a constant 24/7 newsfeed of dramatic historical importance.

I fold up my muted pink streaked swimming trunks and put them into my personal time capsule. No way will I ever be braving a public beach or swimming hole. The act of exposing any amount of flesh during a pandemic is unthinkable, but in another 50 years I am sure there will be a lot more living to do. The episode goes even further in poignancy with layering a coinciding Louise conflict over a pair of Boyz4Now lands a lot differently in these Quarantined Times. Never have I related to Louise and her desire to go see a cute pop group sing in an intimate live setting, singing such hits like “Your Heart Fell On The Floor, Let Me Get It For You,” a level of cuteness not even Belle and Sebastian or The Magnetic Fields could probably come up with. The main plot moves along with a clean efficiency of storytelling bringing Louise and Tina conspiring together using their combined sister brain to retrieve the tickets, but due to further conflicting interests. The episode concludes with the characters taking their personal losses and rolling with the punches, which is another central sweet spot. Earlier on the series I felt like the Belcher family were constantly losing and being put down upon by the world around them. The pendulum of justice remains in flux giving the Belchers and friends minor victories, but the last image of this episode really gets to me. The sight of group of kids in a parking lot bonding by singing the hit “Someday We’ll Spoon” as it plays off in the distance. Another song title that hits so much harder than it ever could have without the rampaging socially distanced disease.

“If you see a cop, whistle!” - Teddie, and me whenever I see a cop because I always make sure to harass and wolf whistle at cops like they were a piece of construction worker street meat.

One of my new favorite Bobspressions.

The B plot with Bob and Linda is essentially that Bob can whistle, but Linda cannot, although Linda can roll her R’s. This teasing and taunting domestic squabble is cushioned by the looming gentle omnipresence of Teddie. Teddie, Bob and Linda are a solid trio and play off each other as characters really well and the repartee between the characters feels a lot looser than it has in past episodes of this season. The subplot culminates in Teddie making one of my favorite comedic moves being dependent on his parasocial relationship with Bob and Linda’s marriage. Teddie is the friend that believes in the love of his friends’ marriage more so than his own friends do and it’s always pretty touching to see Teddie play that card. The adults largely stay completely static inside a one-shot of the restaurant with Bob in the kitchen window, but there is a discernible rise and fall conflict between Bob and Linda that culminates with simple silly sweetness. Once again the adults are left fuddling around in their comfortable boxes and squares they have created for themselves, while the children are foisted out in the world having to deal with Future.

One other particularly timely one-off joke that the writers would have no way of knowing how timely and off-putting it would be is when Eugene makes a reference to Sean Connery. Gene compares Linda to the late actor responding to Linda on her R syllable rolling flexing. I am sure the writer of the episode felt some kind of something with this episode airing a week after the man died.

This episode is a Boyz4.5(4)Now.

///

Thankfully this next episode of the Simpsons did not trot out Mr. James Bont. Episode 5 of Season 32 “The Seven Beer Itch” is a rebound episode from the last three exhausting conceptual excursions. I failed to do a write up on the Season 32 premiere episode, “Undercover Burns,” which I give a Pass (A Pass btw means that you won’t be harmed passing this show through your system, whereas Skip speaks for itself). Both the season opener and this fifth episode are just Simpsons episodes based in and around Springfield. No historical role-play or contrived literary surrogate puppet shows. This episode initially begins filling the viewer with “Simpsons on Holiday” dread opening the episode with The Groundskeeper Willie serving as the episode’s narrator. What’s completely confounding is that Willie has no bearing on the plot of this episode in any way whatsoever other than the fact that both he and UK Treasure Olivia Coleman are both from across the Pond.

The Simpsons have become one of the most musical series on television, and frankly it saps away the energy of the when songs pile on top of one another. I know I should be more wickedly delighted by having The Gosh Dang Favourite singing a pub song to Homer at Moe’s Tavern, but instead these songs make me go dead inside. Especially when Dan Castellaneta has to be a total diva belching out melodies with honey voiced Barney. Maybe if the songs were relegated to once a season or specifically to the ending credit sequence a la Bob’s Burgers that would be one thing, but a song (or three! Or five!) per episode is simply too busy. Then again “busy” describes everything about the Simpsons in 2020. The show continues to astound me visually with Springfields starry purple skies, brief glimpses of London clock towers served up alongside Marge and kids trip to Martha’s Vineyard. We even take a pit stop in California with Olivia Coleman’s Lily doing a forced, weirdly gentle riff with Leonard DiCaprio (who goes uncredited, making matters even stranger). Overall, modern Simpsons is the nicest looking adult animated sitcom around until Tuca and Bertie comes back on air. That being the said the plots of each episode feel like they are being pulled out of a magic foam wizard’s hat stuffed to the brim with Simpsons conceits. This week the writer’s pull Homer Seduction from out of the hat.

The Homer seduction plot can be traced back as early as Season 3 with the episode “Colonel Homer.” This episode more or less grafts its main plot swapping out a Pretty Country Singer with a Charming British Lady. The songs in “Colonel Homer” were actively related to the plot with country star Lurleen Lumpkins becoming infatuated with Homer Simpson, because he’s, he’s a simple and um sweet man. Homer has fidelity! 32 plus years on the air and Homer still remains the kind of man that will still choose his wife over whatever hot piece of Academy Award Winning voiced action comes his way.

I will end this review with this image of Homer giving us viewers come hither and fuck me eyes. Imagine an artist sitting down and drawing Homer Simpson giving you this coquettish glance and try not feeling sick with existential dread:

This episode deserves a Pass.

///

Addendum:

A response to Digital Spy and hand wringing queerness out of a cartoon child

The article in question is available here.

The journalist of this article insistence that Lisa be a LGTBQ+ icon is understandable, but taking umbrage with Yeardely Smith’ for saying that she views Lisa as a child is queasy and infuriating. Smith isn’t a Karen trying to rob Lisa of her Queer freedom. Lisa’s queerness is innate and subtly woven into the character and explicitly spelled out in future glimpses of the character. I really shutter to think what the Simpsons mostly white and male writers room would concoct for a “queering” of Lisa. Dissecting and analyzing a cartoon child’s sexuality is all fun and games, but the world is also dying and full of real life children, not cartoon characters, in pain far more worthy of our concern. I would much rather there be support for Queer artist making their own adult animated sitcom and let Lisa Simpson just be a little girl that loves as Yeardely Smith calls “girly things.” Interpret this literally. Lisa is a cartoon girl living in a cartoon world and she’ll probably grow up to be a nonbinary polyamorous Super Computer or Sax Master General.

If you haven't already I strongly recommend readers check out Smith’s appearance on the currently defunct podcast Harmontown. In the episode “I Was A Simpson” she comes across as charming and thoughtful and worth a listen. She’s not someone that strikes me as a hateful advocate of queer erasure. She strikes me as a cagey performer not wanting to nail down too many concrete details about her character. Ultimately the writers and Smith know Lisa is a queer character, but unless the show is willing to hire a LGBTQ+ writer to help create a Queer Coming of Age centric coming of age episode I am content with having her identity be nudged and winked at in glimpses of the future and left at that. Good grief.

#Tv #Tv series #TV review #bob's burgers #the simpsons #2020 #fall 2020 #fox #animation domination #Oliva Coleman #feminism #lgbt representation #lgbt discourse #lgbt #harmontown

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