#Tim stoker you little shit

[foxdrawdoodles]

Yesterday I listened to s1, ep33 of The Magnus Archives and it’s the first time I hear Tim and I just have to say how dare he talk to the defiantly sleep deprived archivist like that. The little shit picking on the fact that he mixed up a couple of numbers, so what if he did sometimes that just happens

Please tell me that at some point I’ll start to like Tim because at the moment I would gladly slap him in the face if I had the chance

In other news please ignore the back of Tim’s head in this drawing I’m pretty sure this is the first time that I’ve actually ever drawn the back of someone’s head who has short hair. if anyone has any tips on how to draw the back of someone’s head I will gladly listen <3

[theramblingvoid]

I'll be honest I never really gave Tim a second thought on my first listen through, but on a relisten I've realized that yeah actually that's me. That would be me. I too would get really frustrated and angry and make a million bad sarcastic jokes if I was trapped in The Office That Makes You Die Badly and could do nothing but wait around to die badly in the office. And also still had to fill out timesheets. I mayhaps would also lose my composure just a little actually.

[astralsyst3m]

I have Tim Stoker Thoughts.

He is so obviously an older brother.

He cares and he looks out for everyone he can. He tries to help and to warn, yet when they stop listening to him he nods, steps back and watches. He lets them make their own mistakes.

He lives and dies for his brother. He sacrifices his career to learn what happened to his little brother. Then he dies to avenge his little brother.

He puts his younger sibling above all others.

It does not matter if they got along in the end, they are siblings and he would kill to have his brother back.

In the end he thanks Jon for the chance to get back at those who killed his brother.

He thanks Jon because no matter how angry he is at Jon the man helped him avenge Danny's death.

[avatarofthetired]

Since listing these brings joy to me

I bring to you

An ever growing masterpost of random absurd tma shit that just can’t be real /pos

- Martin actually has no middle name and added the K because he wanted to

- Jon spelling out LOL in his professional voice

- Jon singing. Brief singing

- “baaaaa” -Jonathan Sims

- Bug sex statement

- Bug sex two electric boogaloo

- Jon and Martin BOTH lied about their ages in order to seem more credible and professional

- Martin lied his way into the most dangerous job

- Jonas master plan relied on Jon being Gay As Fuck

- Being Compeled makes Elias aroused???

- that one plumber who walked into a Stranger site and was just so oblivious that Nikola called in Jude Perry so they could make fun of him and called him to come BACK

- Tim was sleeping with both a man and woman at the police station for information and records

- Tim thought Jon and Basira were sleeping together at first

- There was a guy who used a haunted coffin as his coffee table without realizing

- Bone Apple Teeth

- the existence of monster pig

- salesa was just living unbothered in the apocalypse with a woman he knew was going to kill him at some point

- the entirety of skeptic Jon (oh it’s normal that his body was fully encased in web, oh it’s normal that Sasha’s off to a wax museum every day with her boyfriend that looks like a stock photo)

- Jon asking Why Do You Sound Like That before asking if someone is going to kill him

- there was a guy who got trapped in a spiral maze and just left because he had dinner plans with his mom

- there was a girl who had a ghost in her house burning and she just went back to sleep

- homophobic vase

- real elias the nepo baby pothead who’s worst fear was being caught high

- Elías does his scheduling on Wednesday, he may be a monster but this is where he draws the line

- the s1 archive crew literally just commits crimes for Jon’s follow ups

- Sasha has hacked all of the s1 crews computers because she can

- Jon has never been on drugs but gets offended if you say he would never and also blames everything on drugs

- door man with knife hands

- there’s a guy who sells fucky items that screw people over and everybody still gets shit from him

- Jon was kidnapped three times like a little princess peach

- Gerry and his colorful shirt and shitty dyed hair and eye tattoos on vacation

- Jon keeps the rib that he got extracted by the guy who does fucky shit with your bones in his desk

- Peter Lukas got cancelled

- Peter Lukas only gave his ritual a name because he thought they were supposed to and everyone else was doing it

- Tim Stoker and his audible bisexual finger guns

[1nk20ul]

I would love to know the birthdays of the other tma characters (particularly Gerry, Micheal Shelley, and Tim)

TMA Birthdays Revealed (Continued)

You've got it.

Let's go in the order that you requested, starting with Gerry Keay.

(This is a continuation of my previous post, where I determine Jon and Martin's birthdays to the best of my ability. Make sure to check it out if you haven't yet!)

Spoiler alert: Gerard is one of the few characters for whom we have an objectively correct/confirmed answer. Just like last time, I'll list all of the results in the tags as a TLDR. Let's begin!

As I said, Gerry's birthday is shockingly the easiest to find out of everyone in the entire main series. However, none of our clues are actually found in Archives. Rather, it's the Magnus Protocol ARG that flat-out gives us this answer. Compared to last post, I feel like I'm being spoiled.

For those unaware, chdb.xlsx (Child_Database.Excel) is a 250-row list of participants in the Magnus Institute's Gifted Child programme. Of these, last names like Dyer, Nolan, Barker, Baldwin, etc. appear, although it's possible some are simply a coincidence.

One we know is not. Behold:

(Yes, his last name is spelled Kaey in this dataset. It's an easy typo to miss in a 250-row document. Don't worry about it.)

According to Chdb, Gerry's birthday is 4th February, 1988. For those paying attention to my original Birthday post, this is exactly two days after my calculation for Jon's birthday, down to the year. This pleases me.

I'll even throw in a bonus for you. Based on his data, he is quite empathetic - yet not very susceptible to peer pressure! You're welcome, Gerrianators.

Let's move to Michael Shelley.

Unfortunately, we're not as lucky this time. Michael's age is just as twisted up as what became of him. Here's what we know:

Michael worked with Eric Delano prior to Eric's resignation in 1990, but was also hired to replace Fiona Law during or after 2003.

Michael's death was sometime between 2009-2011, however was supposedly already distorted in 2006.

Jonny joked on Twitter that Michael "is 92 at all points in the timeline."

There is virtually nothing to go off of here... The month and day are an absolute mystery to us as well. So congrats! His birthday is 92.

Thankfully, Tim is a little bit easier on us.

We need to use Danny Stoker's death as a starting point here. We know that Danny died in 2013 at no younger than 21 years old. Beforehand, Tim spent the previous 5 years at Victory House Publishing. Before that, in 2007, he completed his First in Anthropology at Trinity College. As a Bachelors degree typically takes three years to complete, we can assume Tim was most likely 18 in 2004. The birth year is easy to calculate from there.

For month, all we can do is process of elimination. Let's start with when his birth month isn't. Since the tapes contain no mention of a birthday party like Jon and Martin had prior to MAG 40 (when shit hits the fan), we know that it is less likely to be between September to mid-March, although this is mainly a mix of speculation and educated guessing. We can at least confirm the September cutoff, though, by cross-referencing age requirements for schooling in the UK. Unfortunately, this is where our luck ends. All in all, I think we still did quite well here.

Our final result is April-August 1986. He died at 31 years old. Bonus: He is anywhere from 1-6 years older than his brother. This is not a surprise to absolutely anyone.

A recap of our final results:

Gerard Keay - 4th February, 1988

Michael Shelley - Permanently 92 years old

Timothy Stoker - April-August, 1986

Thanks again, everyone. I have a wonderful time making these, it's great fun! I have a few more posts in mind that I'd like to make, so feel free to leave an Ask. See you next time!

[jonathansims-answers]

How’ve you been getting on, boss? Missed me? Even a little? It’d be cruel if you didn’t. You died with me, Jon. And I heard you, y’know? You called out for me before it all went to shit. You did care, didn’t you?

Enough of me though, send Martin my regards. Lord knows he needs them. And maybe I’ll send something else in later. Depends on how I feel. You might get your forgiveness after all.

— Regards, your underling and former friend, Timothy Stoker (@stokingtheflames)

Hi Tim (?),

If this truly is you... I think it would be good to have a proper conversation. Outside of the Archives. We could talk, maybe?

Signed, Jonathan.

[theswarmsarchives]

the devil made me do it, but i also kinda wanted to.

@jontimjune - punishment (day 3)

(NO TWS NEEDED! theyre bickering<3)

Glitter.

Jon was growing to despise it.

It had been weeks, actual weeks, since Tim had set off his little sparkle bomb of doom, but he continued to find glitter in various crevices.

Opening a drawer? Oh, look, a pile of fairy dust.

Trying to grab a pen? Not without a sequin!

“Jon, you’ve, ah— Got something shining on your cheek there.” Had become a common interaction with Sasha in recent days.

That bastard was— Was tarnishing his already unstable appearance.

He was due for some rebuttal.

And how had Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London decided to go about doing that?

“What’s all this, boss?” Tim’s desk creaked under the weight of the files, old as ever. Stoker himself hadn’t even bothered to look up yet.

“Your work for this week.” Thankfully, that was enough to draw his attention.

With his eyebrow curved into a clean arch, Tim reclined in his chair. His eyes flicked from the stack, to Jon, back to the stack, and so on and so on for a few seconds.

“All of it?”

“All of it.” He mirrored back with a hum that seemed far too happy for a man who just ruined his employee’s week.

“C’mon, boss, if this is about the prank from a few weeks back—”

“Oh, so you are aware of how it’s been hindering my preformance?”

It was satisfying, listening to Tim go near silent with— Embarrassment? Guilt? Shame, probably. Shame is the most likely option.

“This—” He emphasizes the word by tapping the pile, a sharp tk tk sounding from it. “Is the least you could do.”

And, pardon him for getting cocky, but he really was enjoying himself. It was nice watching Tim squirm beneath his piercing gaze, straightening his back the best he could.

He leaned in close to the other, close to his ear as he could manage without touching him.

“You are good at organizing, are you not?”

Tim swallowed, shuddering. He did nod, though. A curt, short reply.

All the while Jon smiled from ear-to-ear, looking far too much like the cat that got the cream. And maybe he was.

“Good. Then this should be rather easy for you in the end. Have fun, Tim.”

As Jon took his leave, Tim sank further into his chair, releasing a breath he had been holding since his boss first began scolding him.

His face was warm. Really warm.

Shit.

[the-crooked-library]

HOLY SHIT I FINISHED IT (TMA fic series)

hey all, so I have just completed a four-part fic series for The Magnus Archives that I've been working on since 2021, and I can hardly believe it's done. The fics are all fully posted on AO3 as follows:

open doors - Sasha James/ Michael (Distortion); short and sweet, diverges during season 1, a little monster romance that started all of this 🌀

Eulogy - Jonathan Sims/Gerry Keay; cozy horror murder mystery that runs alongside a fell-in-love-with-a-ghost romance. Think NBC Hannibal for the vibes <3 🪦

candles in the rain - Martin Blackwood/Tim Stoker; the premise is that Tim comes back from the Unknowing as a Desolation avatar, and, well, it goes from there. Diverges sometime during season 2, when Martin takes him up on the "dance card." 🔥

Lighthouse - Elias Bouchard (Jonah Magnus)/Peter Lukas; evil old men in love, it's manipulative and sweet at the same time for that extra vulnerability :) 👁️

All fics are set within the same AU, but can be read as standalones.

Full series link: there's no kingdom to come by CrookedArchive

I hope you enjoy - and please scream at me in the comments if you do!

[unknown-lifeformthatdraws]

o hey heeeeeres a question! what’s the deal with viktor :? idk if youve given lore on him yet but im Very curious

not sure if you wanted anything specific but i'm willing to lore drop about my boy :)

Viktor is an angel, specifically a Virtue, which according to Wikipedia is like middle-ranking.

Now in my lore, most angels don't come down to Earth often and just do their jobs in Heaven. But Viktor grew curious early on and started sneaking down. He loved it so much that he just kept visiting, eventually convincing his higher-ups to let him work from Earth instead.

Tabbris would spend much more time on Earth since they were a guardian angel. So when Viktor started sneaking down they would show him around. This lead to them growing close, friendship, qpr, yadda yadda.

Then Tabbris Falls. Viktor can't stand being on Earth without his best friend, so he stays up in Heaven while he grieves. He doesn't return to Earth for about 200 years. He then goes on to do his job as normal and explore a bit, catch up on what he missed.

Can't go too much into detail because spoilers, but Tabbris and Viktor don't see each other for about 1200 years. Then they reunite and end up as business partners, with Viktor becoming his supplier of holy water to use in demon hunts.

I'm not entirely sure how to organize this because there is SO much info I have about him. Prepare for nonsensical rambling.

Viktor loves space. Also physics, ("spirit of motion." see below) since he was there when everything was created. But he can't help you with physics homework. He knows how it all works but he doesn't like how humans explain it.

He found a stray kitten in 1926 and named her Lucky. Since he's immortal and has a fucked up perception of time, it took him a while to realize she has lived far beyond a normal cat's lifespan.

He's not entirely sure WHY she's still alive (not that he's complaining). At first he thinks his divinity is keeping her alive, but he also suspects she's just not a normal cat. He doesn't care, he loves his little weirdo.

Sidenote: I accidentally turned Lucky into a trans allegory. It's not really explained in-story, but long story short she likes being a cat. She wants to be one, so that's what she is.

As for Viktor's role as a Virtue, have wikipedia:

Viktor is also known for doing just enough work to keep his bosses off his back. If they wanted him to do more, they should have said so.

He doesn't like using miracles to influence people. Nor does he like converting people to specific religions, beliefs, etc. His usual methods involve gentle persuasion - a light nudge to get them to be better people. Though he's not against giving an earful to jackasses.

He likes messing with people.

Don't ask him about the dinosaurs.

He's scared of hot dog water. Not hot dogs, just the water.

He can play guitar. He has a bunch of them around his house.

He moves houses a lot since he doesn't like staying in one place long.

He does not give a shit about gender. He does get excited when Tabbris says "He's my girlfriend" or something similar.

He's somewhat inspired by Martin Blackwood.

He's majorly inspired by Tim Stoker.

He's also majorly inspired by Hermes (Hades games)

He's really fucking fast. Flash of light, zips in. Sometimes overshoots and does a lil flip to stick the landing bc he's silly.

In much MUCH earlier drafts he was a bubbly little dumbass named Nathaniel. he used to be BLONDE.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm can't think of anything else rn but i hope you enjoy my boy

[ao3feed-jonmartin]

A Case For H(ead) (a)R(chivist)

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/51kgcap by briarfairchild Sasha is looking at her phone again. “Apparently you also called Elias an excrescence from the rhinoceros shit corner of hell,” she says. Jon flushes. “Yes, well,” he says defensively. “It’s his own fault. If he wasn’t such a bastard I wouldn’t have had to call him those things, would I?” * Elias, in a fit of pique at seeing Jon and Martin getting along so well when Peter’s just started divorce proceedings with him again, tries to fire Martin. Jon is not impressed. (reading the other fics in this series isn’t necessary, though of course very welcome!) Words: 6912, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Series: Part 8 of Archivist Without a Crush Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: Gen, M/M Characters: Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood, Sasha James, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives) Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist Additional Tags: The Magnus Archives Season 1, Fluff, Humor, Light Angst, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist Has a Crush, Mutual Pining, Protective Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Angry Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Wet Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, seriously he's drenched to the skin for like two thirds of this, dripping little trails of water wherever he goes, Jon will end anyone who hurts Martin, Jon wearing Martin's jumpers read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/51kgcap

[disconnectedkid]

Hey William!! I’m sure you’ve been missing me (who wouldn’t, I’m great) so I wanted to check in! I hope you’re doing well, but I know that things have been kinda rough lately. 

So uh- yeah! If things are shitty, just know that you’re strong and great and- I mean, I’m not great at pep talks, but I’m sure you get what I mean, right? Probably? 

Well, just know that you can talk to me, alright? I’m here for you if you ever need me. I think you’re great and amazing and shit, and I love you!

But enough about my thoughts, how are you? Still canoodling with Randy? He does seem alright, although I still can’t say I know him all too well.

I hope you don’t feel too lonely without me, I mean, obviously no-one can compete with how cool I am, but seriously, things can be hard, and theres no shame in reaching out if you need help. You are incredibly loved, you know that right?

I hope you do. You’re a great little brother, and an even greater person, alright?

You know you’re my favorite person, right? I like spending time around you, I like being around you, you make me feel happy, which is… nice, all things considered.

I am sorry I haven’t really been around for you though. I miss you, a lot.

You’re amazing (not more amazing than me) and I love you. Ok? I’ll see you later!

-Tim (your favorite brother) Stoker

@themostsanebug SORRY ITS SHORT!! I’m so sleepy…

[theramblingvoid]

I'll be honest I never really gave Tim a second thought on my first listen through, but on a relisten I've realized that yeah actually that's me. That would be me. I too would get really frustrated and angry and make a million bad sarcastic jokes if I was trapped in The Office That Makes You Die Badly and could do nothing but wait around to die badly in the office. And also still had to fill out timesheets. I mayhaps would also lose my composure just a little actually.

[gerrydelano]

Hi i would. Looove to hear about this fantasy au (bonus points for gerrys fucked up origins thanks for the food)

scrambles to sit up and falls out of my desk chair in the process. Bless You, Anon. Bless You. i will limit this to the first side quest because even that is long as fuck but it Is gerry centric which means it's food for Me.

okay So. the key tenets here are:

tim is the pov character

the stokers knew sasha and martin as kids until martin moved away with his dad after his mom's passing (wild!)

danny was taken by the fey at like 18. BAD.

after two years of training and study, tim and sasha are about to set off to find him or get revenge (it's a death wish) just as martin swaggers back into town a new man (he spent a decent chunk of his money on glamors that are tantamount to HRT while traveling back to their hometown after he super left his shitty dad's house) and he elects to come with them because It's A Death Wish and he doesn't want tim to get into trouble, and also he has like... nowhere to go anyway. might as well keep adventuring, but this time with friends.

they go to a coastal city to ask adelard dekker for some advice, and he sends his apprentice along with them. hi jon!

and then once they're on their adventure........ we meet a mysterious figure.

they do a lot of little bounty hunts and side quests for money and whatever obviously and so at one point they get enlisted to find some heirloom for some guy and right as they're about to get it, oops! insert Guy In A Featureless Silver Mask Riding On A Black Dire Wolf, Who Then Swoops In And Takes The Heirloom First.

What.

they hate this guy. they can't stand this guy. they wanna beat this guy up for doing that. he was so scary though so what do you even do. they ask around town and find out he's The Black Rider™ and he has a habit of doing this shit and they should stay out of his way.

they find melanie in a tavern and jon recognizes her from their childhoods because surprise! THEY grew up together. and she's been Away for a while after she ran away with josephine, her first love, who ended up dying about a year later. she's been too ashamed to return home alone. she is begrudging about reconnecting with jon, but she does end up hugging him and crying about this. i love them. bad weather friends.

she joins their party in time to run into the Black Rider again, who once more is trying to get something before they get it.

this time they get some awkward banter out of him though so they figure there is some kind of person under there.

and the Third time they encounter him, tim tries to cut to the chase and offer an olive branch of friendship, only for the black rider to attack them with his big scary halberd and it's like DUDE! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!

the fight is pretty intense but they do outnumber him, so tim gets him on the ground with his sword under his chin and he can feel the dog breathing down his neck but she isn't biting - because the black rider has held up a hand to stop her.

tense! and kinda sexy.

they agree to lower the weapon/call off the dog on the count of three from sasha, but tim hesitates longer than the black rider does. intriguing.

he leaves and they realize he still took the bounty they were after. G-d DAMMIT!!!!

then a few weeks later they meet some guy named gerry in a dungeon and he helps them fight off some zombies or whatever and they vibe for a few days, he seems nice if not a little weird, and they get along well. he dips after a bit and it's just a standard interaction pretty much. neither here nor there.

then they're fighting a cockatrice at some point and the Black Rider comes in to help them! odd, but accepted.

oops! his mask gets knocked off.

martin, being the nice guy he is, goes to return it to him and sees his face - gasp! it's gerry! who EVER could have guessed!

after they defeat the cockatrice they really have to have a whole ass conversation about this because Seriously Dude What The Fuck.

he ends up talking to them a little bit but not much, he's cagey and now seems kind of... nervous? what gives, right.

after a bit though they offer to let him come with them because tim is like "oh my g-d. you're LONELY 😆"

and he'd be right.

but there's a lot more to it than that.

eventually he caves and tells them, "we're being watched." by who? his patron, he says, after taking his time deciding on the wording.

he's never told anyone this before. he didn't even know she couldn't Hear him too, only just found that out.

then after a little while he fucks off for a bit without an explanation, and they're like. wtf.

when he comes back to find them, he explains that he nearly stabbed tim in his sleep one day because he's not only being spied upon, but his body is able to be controlled by his patron.

they are understandably upset about this and have to put in some protective measures to prevent that from happening again. he's no longer allowed on night watch.

but he's clearly distraught with guilt and like... they can SEE the humanity in him, they can SEE that he hates this and he needs help.

martin is a Redemption paladin by now and he wants to help him really badly.

tim needs... some time.

jon suggests they put a blindfold on him now and then to help him feel more at ease talking about things without fear of being spied on and it helps sometimes.

they travel for like 9 months before gerry trusts tim enough to show him what's really going on, while they're bathing in a lake after a battle that left them covered in blood.

he moves his hair aside to show tim a sigil branded on his back.

mary did that to him when he was 12.

so, basically, this guy hasn't had a shred of bodily autonomy or privacy in half his life. it's disgusting honestly like literally if you think for two seconds about the logistics of this it just gets more and more upsetting. bad!!!!

so they've already wanted to break his curse but it's just. tim can't stand this knowledge. he still doesn't know it's his mother yet, though. that stays on lock.

the group goes on to meet with mikaele salesa for some help, and gerry refuses to go anywhere near him. fucks off again with no explanation.

but they take the opportunity to ask salesa if he knows anything about the black rider etc and he says BOY DO I KNOW HIM. HE'S WHY I HAVE SO MUCH PROTECTION AROUND MY HOUSE LOL.

gerry has stolen so much from him and killed some of his guys and it's like YIKES. but salesa Also knows about mary.

she's been collecting super powerful artifacts for ages now trying to give herself more power so she can become a lich. uh oh!

and tim, who has made a Paladin Oath with Death by now, is now assigned by HIS patron to go and kill her before her transformation takes place, because she would be defying the natural order.

so, they go find her scary tower and are intent on fighting her, only to find - gerry?

and boy does he look rough. he looks Bad right now he hasn't been having a good time while he's been gone.

mary is in the middle of her ritual and she halves her focus in order to control gerry into fighting for her and eventually the fight is looking bad enough that she switches tactics.

she has him point the knife at his own throat.

because she did spy a little bit of the tiny intimate moments between gerry and tim, try as gerry might have to keep his eyes averted or up at the sky or just anywhere But tim, and she knows the group has come to care about him. so, clearly this is a better threat.

sasha calls her bluff BIGTIME and says hell no are you gonna kill him, you put too much work into him, he's your only heir, you need him, you'd never go that far, blablabla.

and that much is actually true. but it looks pretty close when she actually has him break skin a little bit.

tim is very upset at sasha for potentially making it worse lol But

it does work

they manage to kill her and free gerry and it's a very complicated moment because like... dude that's his mom. she's all he's ever known, save the wolf she "got" for him when he was a kid that is now his closest companion, and the dryad who guards the forest outside (hi tazia!)

so it takes gerry and tim a while to like. recover from that. but they do.

meanwhile, before they leave mary's tower, they totally pilfer her magical objects and jon finds a peculiar glass orb... that looks like it's got spider webbing inside it.

and that's all i'll say for now! obviously this is the Side Quest i am most invested in, but the plot of this filled 15 pages of a timeline and it goes on until gerrytim die in their 70s lmao so like. Big Big AU. it takes like 5 years after this all happens to find danny and That is a huge mess, too. boy howdy!!!!

now i realize i can't surprise anyone with this plot if i did write it but like. chances of that are slim. this is still so niche. jdhdjdhfk. gtcu brand classes, not canon based at all.

[thatforgottenbasilisk]

the unofficial adventures of the unofficial archive group chat

Chapter 3 (AO3) (My Fic Masterpost)

Originally Posted on 1/15/2025

Rating: T

Summary:

in which we review the effects of Reading A Statement on martin, and decide how follow-up should be handled

OFFICIAL archive discord

#general

sash (❁´◡`❁): Soooo how did it go?

TIM TAM TOM: why are we in the work gc at noon on a SATURDAY

TIM TAM TOM: ah wait nevermind don't mind me

TIM TAM TOM: also seconded marto how are you did it kill you slowly

mahtin: I'm not bad? You were right about the brain fog

sash (❁´◡`❁): I'm usually right about everything

TIM TAM TOM: except for how to spell things

sash (❁´◡`❁): Shut your fuck up

sash (❁´◡`❁): You pretend that you're not using autocorrect with your autocaps turned off. You think you're so so sneaky. But I Know You Timothy Stoker

sash (❁´◡`❁): We both know. We know that you can't spell for shit either

TIM TAM TOM: ah well yes but you see

TIM TAM TOM: i've never shied away from admitting im a little bit stupid

sash (❁´◡`❁): Touché

TIM TAM TOM: anyway im sure poor marto feels like hes a third wheel with all of this witty witty banter

mahtin: Oh no not at all!!!

mahtin: Though I will say. I am a little bit tempted to turn off my autocaps as well

mahtin: All of my messages feel so serious next to yours Tim!!!!

TIM TAM TOM: youre right thats not the vibe we're aiming for

TIM TAM TOM: do it

TIM TAM TOM: one of us one of us one of us

TIM TAM TOM: for that matter

TIM TAM TOM: saaaash

sash (❁´◡`❁): No

TIM TAM TOM: but whyyyyy

sash (❁´◡`❁): Too much work

TIM TAM TOM: it's like two buttons????

sash (❁´◡`❁): I said what I said

sash (❁´◡`❁): It is what it is the capital letters stay On during sex

TIM TAM TOM: you're so mean to me specifically

sash (❁´◡`❁): Boo

sash (❁´◡`❁): Cry about it

mahtin: okay done!!!

mahtin: ah my messages feel weird? it's weird now?

mahtin: it's like they're naked

TIM TAM TOM: naked is how we are most comfortable

sash (❁´◡`❁): You, maybe, with those tight jeans you insist on wearing

TIM TAM TOM: sex appeal is my greatest asset in the workplace and you will not take that from me

sash (❁´◡`❁): If you're just going to whore yourself out then save it for the cops you flirt with

sash (❁´◡`❁): Don't waste it on us

sash (❁´◡`❁): All you're going to do is cut off circulation for Nothing

TIM TAM TOM: okay they're not That tight

TIM TAM TOM: and hey! i resent that! i flirt with everyone, not just cops!

mahtin: i don't know mate the cassettes have only ever mentioned cops

sash (❁´◡`❁): Yeah maybe diversify a little bit

TIM TAM TOM: im sorry the what

TIM TAM TOM: hodl o

TIM TAM TOM: wait

TIM TAM TOM: what does th at mena

TIM TAM TOM: martin

TIM TAM TOM: martin explain what the fuck does that mean

mahtin: the cassettes? that Jon records? those ones?

TIM TAM TOM: cannot emphasize enough how little that clarifies things

sash (❁´◡`❁): Have you not listened to any of the audio recordings?

TIM TAM TOM: NO????

TIM TAM TOM: IT'S JUST STATEMENTS WE'RE ALREADY DONE WITH FOLLOW UP FOR WHY WOULD I LISTEN

TIM TAM TOM: WHY IS MY

TIM TAM TOM: JONATHAN SIMS EXPOSED ME???? TO ALL OF RESEARCH?????????

sash (❁´◡`❁): You exposed yourself to all of Research

TIM TAM TOM: NOT THE POINT????

TIM TAM TOM: WHEN DID THAT COME UP

TIM TAM TOM: WHY DID THAT COME UP

sash (❁´◡`❁): I think you may have fucked your way into some police files

TIM TAM TOM: ohhhh right i did do that

TIM TAM TOM: WHY IS THAT RELEVANT TO THE STATEMENT????

TIM TAM TOM: im not mad mind you i really dont care

TIM TAM TOM: the whole institute knows im a hoe idgaf

TIM TAM TOM: im just sort of. flabbergasted? i feel is the correct word?

mahtin: in all fairness he spoke about it very briefly if I recall correctly

mahtin: just sort of. "yeah we got this info from files that tim obtained, somehow, because he has '''friends''' at the precinct"

mahtin: it wasnt explicit really its just that Jon has a way of saying things

sash (❁´◡`❁): Also we know you enough to read between the lines

TIM TAM TOM: fair? i guess?

TIM TAM TOM: i am still utterly flabbergasted

sash (❁´◡`❁): Okay Jon

TIM TAM TOM: OI

TIM TAM TOM: just because i use my words good sometimes doesn't make me POSH

sash (❁´◡`❁): Are you sure

mahtin: are you sure

TIM TAM TOM: yes very

sash (❁´◡`❁): Oh well can't argue that

sash (❁´◡`❁): Anyway

sash (❁´◡`❁): So how was that Statement?

sash (❁´◡`❁): I only skimmed it, that's why I'm asking

mahtin: oh you know

mahtin: ghost spiders

TIM TAM TOM: oh?

TIM TAM TOM: setting aside the fact that, since it won't record, evidence is in favor of ghost spiders being Real and True

TIM TAM TOM: please elaborate on the ghost spiders

mahtin: this poor man

mahtin: tortured individual and all

sash (❁´◡`❁): Yes yes yes, we all feel so bad, keep going tell us more

mahtin: haunted by the ghost of a spider he accidentally killed when he was a child

TIM TAM TOM: iiiiinteresting

TIM TAM TOM: i mean

TIM TAM TOM: i mean if i was murdered by some snot nosed kid i would haunt them too

TIM TAM TOM: i'd get my spooky on for sure

TIM TAM TOM: give em the scrooge treatment

TIM TAM TOM: honestly good for the spider

sash (❁´◡`❁): What happened to the man who gave the Statement?

sash (❁´◡`❁): Vittery, was it?

mahtin: yeah Carlos Vittery

mahtin: and I don't know? haven't done any follow-up yet

mahtin: remember I just read it yesterday

sash (❁´◡`❁): Sorry I forgot

TIM TAM TOM: you do this all the time lmao

sash (❁´◡`❁): I'm soooo sorry I get overexcited

TIM TAM TOM: i suppose i must accept your apology

sash (❁´◡`❁): :|

TIM TAM TOM: your emojis always hold so much emotion and yet. at the same time. none at all

sash (❁´◡`❁): Thanks it's a talent

TIM TAM TOM: youre welcome

sash (❁´◡`❁): Anyway

sash (❁´◡`❁): Back on topic

sash (❁´◡`❁): How is the follow-up going to go?

sash (❁´◡`❁): Jon has to sign off on any out-of-office investigations

TIM TAM TOM: and if he does that then hes going to read the Spooky Statement

TIM TAM TOM: defeating the entire purpose of asking martin to do it

TIM TAM TOM: (thanks again marto <3 youre a real one)

sash (❁´◡`❁): Exactly my point

sash (❁´◡`❁): What's the game plan?

mahtin: okay everyone hear me out I've got a wild solution

mahtin: i know it's going to sound insane

TIM TAM TOM: im on the edge of my seat

mahtin: nobody goes and does out of office investigation on this statement

TIM TAM TOM: youre right thats brilliant

sash (❁´◡`❁): Why would you say something so controversial, and yet so brave?

mahtin: i know, i know

mahtin: thank you everyone

mahtin: or alternatively we just mark down the address of the place and the next time it's on the way to/from somewhere we're already investigating we just... detour?

sash (❁´◡`❁): I like that one much better

sash (❁´◡`❁): That way we investigate it, and all the paperwork is in order, plus Bouchard doesn't start breathing down anyone's neck

TIM TAM TOM: ugh god dont remind me

TIM TAM TOM: my day was going so well

TIM TAM TOM: just thinking about eli*as,,, horrid

TIM TAM TOM: especially. ESPECIALLY. on a goddamned saturday

TIM TAM TOM: ughhhhh and jon always crosses the line from "jon-bitchy" to "REAL-bitchy" whenever bitchard gets himself involved

sash (❁´◡`❁): Exactlyyyyy nobody wants that!!

TIM TAM TOM: nobody wants that!!!

[radioactive-yuri]

hello hello, this is your excuse to ramble about your blorbos! give me your top 10 favourite tma characters 👀

YESS THANK YOUU :3

10. melanie king. she's insane as a character i looove characters defined by their hatred and anger, but even more by what's left of them when that's taken away....wow. huge stuff.

9. hmmm annabel cane. she's so cool,,, her canonical vintage style,,, i think about it a lot,,,,

8. tim stoker. his arc was so interesting tbh, how he stayed the same but changed so much.

7. adelard dekker, god why does nobody talk about adelard dekker. i wish we knew more about him. i wish we knew everything there was to know about him

6. daisy tonner, i looove dog-coded characters, i love the hunt in all of its hypocritical projection glory.

5. jonah magnus. so many thoughts. so so many thoughts. corporate-shaped false prophet angelthing. i wanna torture him and examine his reactions

4. mike crew, my favourite she/they tranfem, the only tma character i have ever related to. sigh. rip queen you would've loved the eyepocalypse

3. helen distortion, literally my babygirl, horrible little meow meow, also helanie should be so much more popular than it is

2. gertrude robinson, holy fucking shit gertrude robinson. perhaps the character ever written. the way that she was. the things that she did. just. oh my god.

1. simon fairchild. just. the most fun i've ever had listening to this podcast. i got genuinely sad when it was implied he died, and that's saying something, because i almost never get sad about tma deaths.

[skylarsolstice]

Here's a preview of my next TMA fanfic: A New Approach. Let me know what you think!

Martin knew he must be sweating through his sweater right now. He was more than a little nervous for his first day in the archives. After working in the library so long it felt weird to have a desk to himself. Honestly he was just worried someone would figure out that he lied on his CV now that would end badly. Surely archive work couldn’t be that different from the work he had been doing in the library though right? He should be fine no one would figure it out…hopefully.

Having been so lost in thought Martin barely noticed it when the dog slipped past him as he opened the door to the stairwell. “Shit!” He hissed through his teeth as he ran down the stairs with his box of things balanced precariously in his arms.

After nearly tripping on several stairs he slid to a stop in the assistant's bullpen breathing heavily and searching desperately for any sign of the dog. He couldn’t see anything, but he could hear someone shuffling around in the office down the hall. Maybe they had seen the dog. Martin placed his box on the nearest desk and headed for the office. The door was open so he knocked awkwardly on the door frame to get the person shuffling behind the desk to look up.

A man with long cropped brown hair and olive skin popped his head up from behind the desk. He was very handsome, but not really Martin’s type especially seeing as he was way out of his league.

“Sorry you haven’t seen a dog have you?” Martin asked as politely as possible when faced with a very attractive man.

“A dog?” The man asked, looking a bit excited.

Martin rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh yeah a spaniel I think?”

“Why is there a dog in the archives though?” The man who’s name was still a mystery asked, sounding genuinely puzzled as he got to his feet.

“Oh, um,” Martin stuttered, his face going red with embarrassment. “I kind of accidentally let it in. Sorry.”

The man just laughed. “What a great start to my first day as Head Archivist!”

“Oh, oh, you’re Timothy Stoker,” he said, feeling a sinking in his stomach. “I’m so sorry sir I really didn’t mean to let it in!”

“Don’t worry about it seriously, I'm sure we’ll find the little guy soon,” he said, waving off Martin’s concern. “And please call me Tim. Now let's see if we can find that dog.”

Tim led him back down the hall to the assistant’s bullpen. “Where did you last see him?” He asked Martin as he surveyed the room.

“Um, I lost track of him in the stairwell,” Martin said, looking around desperately for the little creature.

“Hey Tim, guess what we found!” Came loud feminine voice from down the hall.

Soon a woman came into view. She had dark skin and dark coily hair done in a fro hawk. She was quite tall and had to be at least 6’ and she was holding a spaniel in her arms. The dog looked very pleased with himself. A man followed behind her as she entered the bullpen. He was a very slight man and he had warm brown skin. His hair fell just below his shoulders and was streaked with grey.

Upon seeing the dog Tim immediately burst into a fit of coos and giggles as he rushed over to scratch the dog’s ears. The woman just smiled as she too scratched the little animal’s head. The smaller man behind her just looked disgruntled.

“Why is there a dog in the archives?” The long haired man asked dryly.

Tim looked over at him with a big grin. “What not a fan of dogs Jon?”

“I prefer cats if I’m being honest,” the other man -Jon- replied with a derisive look at the dog.

“Why does it not surprise me that you are a cat person,” the woman chuckled as she handed the dog off to Tim.

Jon gawked in what could be mock offence, but could also be real offence. “I resent that comment!” He turned to look at Tim. “Did you let the dog in? If so you have to pay for the shelf he managed to topple.”

Tim just rolled his eyes. “Martin here accidentally let him in, but honestly I think we’ll blame the shelf falling on account of it being ancient. We’ll just fill out a replacement form,” he said looking at the collar around the dog's neck. “Let’s call your owner huh… Brutor.” Tim read the name from the collar around the dog's neck.

Jon turned a glare on Martin before swiftly striding over to what Martin assumed was his desk. Not the best first impression he could have made.

“I’m Sasha by the way, Martin was it?” The woman introduced herself. “And the wet blanket is Jon.”

“Nice to meet you all,” Martin told her with a wide smile.

The rest of the day dragged on rather uneventfully once the dog was returned to his owner. He still felt like an idiot for having let the animal inside in the first place and he could tell he made a horrible impression on Jon. Tim and Sasha seemed to just think it was a funny moment to look back on later, but he could feel Jon’s irritation from the desk across from his. Even worse Martin kept finding himself looking back up at Jon and admiring the way his hair fell in his face so elegantly. First day on the job and his new office crush already thinks he’s an idiot.

They didn’t have a lot of direction from Tim honestly. It didn’t really seem like he knew what he was doing, but it was only the first day so Martin didn’t want to judge too harshly. He kept coming out of his office to ask Sasha questions and she seemed to be purposely unhelpful. Martin could have sworn she was playing computer games for most of the day.

Once the end of the day came around and everyone got ready to leave Jon made no move to do so. Tim came out and upon seeing Jon still sitting at his desk typing away furiously he went over to the smaller man and began pulling his chair away from the desk.

“Come on Jon, time to go,” Tim said with a large smile as Jon leaned forward more and more to keep typing.

“But I’m not done!” Jon protested as Tim pulled him all the way away from the desk.

Tim shook his head, continuing to push Jon’s chair toward the stairs. “None of this overworking shit like you pulled in research. I’m the boss now and I say we all go home on time.”

Jon crossed his arms and made a face like a toddler might when told they can’t have chocolate for dinner. “This is bullshit.”

“This is a healthy work-life balance my friend,” Tim said light heartedly. “We’re going out for drinks and you're coming. You too Marto!” He called back over his shoulder.

“Oh okay!” Martin said, excited that he was being included. The people in the library never invited him out. “Sounds fun!”

“Yes it does!” Sasha said with enthusiasm. “Never a dull moment when Jon gets drunk!”

“Shut up,” Jon muttered as he followed Tim and Sasha out the door with Martin in tow.

The four headed for the nearest Karaoke bar and Sasha took the lead directing the group to a quiet booth in the back. It was a nice little corner tucked away so as to allow them some privacy from prying eyes.

“Thanks Sasha,” Jon said quietly as he slipped into the booth across from Tim and Sasha. That meant Martin was going to sit next to Jon. Oh boy.

“No problem Jon, I know you aren’t a big fan of crowds,” she replied with a bright smile. “Drinks anyone?”

“I’ll have a beer,” Tim said with a smile. “What about you Martin want anything?”

Martin wasn’t sure what to get as he didn’t drink often. “Oh um a vodka soda I guess?”

Sasha nodded. “Jon, do you want anything?”

“I’ll have whatever you get,” he replied with a ghost of a smile. Jon had a very cute lopsided smile Martin observed.

It was long before they all found themselves 3 or so drinks deep. Tim, Sasha, and Martin were relatively coherent, but Jon was… well he was piss drunk. It seemed that he had decided if he couldn’t work he would drink until he could no longer think straight. He had already consumed 3 beers and 3 shots of straight vodka.

“I’m going to hit the loo,” Sasha announced as she got up and headed for the restroom.

“I’ll get us another round,” Tim said, sliding out of the booth after her. Then looking over at Jon he said with a grin, “Maybe water instead.”

Then Martin found himself left alone with a very drunk Jon beside him. He let his eyes wander as he waited for Sasha and Tim to get back. Suddenly he heard mumbling from beside him. Was Jon saying something?

It was hard to tell, but it would be rude not to reply if he was saying something. “What was that Jon?” Martin asked the person slumped over on the table with his head in his arms.

Jon lifted his head and looked at him. “Sorry I was rude earlier,” he said quietly. “I’ve been in a right awful mood today. The dog thing isn’t nearly as big a deal as I made it seem.”

“Oh,” Martin said, surprised by the apology. “It’s fine, it was kind of a stupid thing to do… Seems like something only I could achieve,” he said with a self deprecating laugh.

“No it could have happened to anyone,” Jon slurred. “I just um…” a pause. “I saw a bunch of spiders earlier in the stacks and it just kind of set me off kilter for the rest of the day. I-I really don’t like spiders.”

Martin was surprised by that confession. “Oh that’s understandable. A lot of people are scared of spiders. I personally find them cute.” Jon gave him a dubious look at that. Martin swallowed trying to gather some courage. “You know they are all fuzzy and they’re little faces are cute like yours.”

Jon gave him an eye roll at that, but it had no real heat behind it. “I am not cute,” he declared with a drunken slur.

“Now that’s not true,” Sasha said as she slid back into the booth, a teasing note in her voice.

Jon just rolled his eyes and dropped his head back onto the table. At that moment Tim slid back in with waters in hand. “Here Jon drink, then we should get you home.”

Jon took the water begrudgingly and drank quickly then with surprisingly little resistance allowed himself to be led out of the pub and to the tube before dropping him off at his flat. Hopefully he didn’t have too much of a headache in the morning.