#Tim is going to pay so much attention to their kid because he’s afraid he’ll end up like his parents | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vagrantblvrd · 6 years ago

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Lay Your Bones Down (1/1)

Summary: When it comes to soulmates people tend to fall into two camps of thought.

Notes: Prompt fill for the wonderful @ahwuum who has been super patient and supportive. <333!

(Read on AO3)

When it comes to soulmates people tend to fall into two camps of thought.

The ones who go all-out looking for their soulmate. Buy into what Vinewood and other “experts” have to say on the mater. Read all the books on how to recognize the signs or whatever, watch the television specials and pay close attention to their horoscopes and magazines aimed at helping people find them.

Sign up for the websites and download the apps once they become available because it’s a driving force for them, part of their pursuit of happiness and everything.

Sometimes it works, they find their soulmate and live happy fulfilling lives with them.

Other times it doesn’t, and they make themselves miserable looking for a needle in a haystack all their lives and let every other chance for happiness pass them by and it’s. It’s just sad, is what it is.

Then you have the ones like Jeremy who – he’s not going to lie, okay.

He’s curious who his soulmate is. What kind of person they are, if they’d even like each other, get along like a house on fire or hate one another at first sight. (A different way of getting along like a house on fire, and to be honest saying’s always bothered him but that’s a conversation for another day, or something. Whatever.)

He used to think about it a lot more when he was a kid, bright future ahead of him and all these possibilities, right? Smart kid like him? Could have done anything.

And he did.

For a while.

Then one of his buddies got caught up in some trouble of his own making, and stupid idiot Jeremy thought he could help get him out. Only got dragged into the same kind of trouble and into a literal pit facing off against guys twice his size trying to get back out again.

Stopped wondering who his soulmate was when his primary concern was not getting his face beaten in, and then things escalated to the point all of that slipped to the back of his mind.

Soulmates and the criminal life don’t go so well together, puts a crimp in things. (He figured if he did meet his soulmate doing the things he does now, it wouldn’t be a ringing endorsement for either of them.)

So, yeah.

Jeremy pulls himself out of the fighting rings in Boston, but doesn’t do it clean. Has people who’d be glad to put him down, so he decides it would be a good idea to get the hell out while he still can.

Goes from city to city doing what he can to get by. Realizes he’s in a goddamned ridiculous line of work and figures if he can’t beat them he might as well join them (something like that) and goes all-in.

Picks up the Rimmy Tim thing somewhere along the east coast. Browsing through the offerings in a thrift store where he finds these hideous yellow suit pants. Catch his eye, have him cackling like an idiot, but that might be more the painkillers blunting the ache of a stab wound in his shoulder.

Finds a purple suit jacket a few cities over and something about it hits him just right.

It isn’t until he’s somewhere in Texas he spots the cowboy hat. Gas station with a tired looking woman on the register and news on the television talking about something going on in a city named Los Santos.

Jeremy gives her a bright grin, all nice and friendly because he’s just passing through, ma’am, no trouble here. Watches the footage of another gang war in progress play on the television as the woman rings his purchases up.

He’s been seeing more and more about Los Santos the closer he gets, figures it’s a big deal in this part of the country. (Liberty city’s got the east coast locked down for chaos and carnage.)

Gets this little itch going in the palms of his hands because everything he’s seen tells him it would be smarter to stay the hell away from a city like that, but.

Jeremy’s kind of an idiot.

And, you know.

There are still people out there with a grudge to bear against him and a city as big as Los Santos seems like a good place to get lost in.

Can’t possibly get caught up in anything big enough to make the news like half the things he’s seen so far anyway, right?

========

There are books out there that have a lot to say about the placement of people’s Names. Conflicting information based on what old wives tale the author grew up on, their region of the country.

All of them agree on one thing, though. Names closest to the heart mean you’re bound for a happy match once you find your soulmate, get that happily ever after everyone’s running towards.

Jeremy’s Name is on his back, running along his spine, and the one book he read about Name placements had nothing to say on the matter. Didn’t look further into things because he was afraid of what he’d find.

Awkward placement for him to get a good look at it, but he’d tried when he thought he had a chance to find his soulmate. (When it would have been a good thing.)

Did all sorts of crazy things to get a picture.

Tried taking a picture using the bathroom mirror but he only got parts of it in the frame. Set up a series of mirrors like an idiot and got better pictures out of it he played around in the edit mode to flip it.

Other things like that.

Realized his soulmate has the shittiest handwriting known to man or maybe something was wrong with his eyes because even now he can barely make out what it’s supposed to be.

A signature for sure, the way most of them are.

Starts with a big looping letter and ends in this indecipherable scrawl like whoever they are they either gave up along the way or couldn’t be bothered with the rest.

Sometimes he’ll catch sight of it in a bathroom mirror of whatever shitty motel or apartment he’s staying in, wonder what could have been.

========

Jeremy’s supposed to be watching this hacker.

Keep an eye on him to make sure he’s doing what he’s supposed to be doing, or keep him safe, his current boss didn’t specify.

Squirrely little bastard, though.

Scrawny.

Looks like a twig with a wild tuft of hair and this nose that got him picked on as a kid. (If the way the rest of the crew treats him is any indication, that never stopped.

Jeremy might feel bad about how the others treat the guy, if he wasn’t such an asshole.

And anyways, it’s his first job in Los Santos. Some dirty little gang that’s been outsourced to do a job for an ally of theirs.

He’s hired muscle here and so low down in the pecking order he might as well not even have a name.

Just Goon #2 or something.

“What kind of name is Rimmy Tim?” the hacker asks out of the blue, not bothering to look up from his work. “Did your parents draw it out of a hat like a raffle?”

The two of them are alone in the warehouse the gang operates out of. It would be real easy to kill him and pretend he didn’t know how it happened.

Just.

So easy.

The thing that stops Jeremy from doing it is that murder is a bit of an overreaction to the annoying bastard. And, he’s being paid to watch the guy so he’d be shooting himself in the foot. Also, it’s clear he’s not thinking about the words coming out of his mouth.

Some idle thought floating around in his head while he focuses on his work and no brain-to-mouth filter.

“Yeah,” Jeremy drawls. “They used this hat to do it to. Gave it to me on my eighteenth birthday to commemorate the occasion. Even gave me a lasso so I could catch my first horse.”

The hacker keeps tap-tap-tapping away on his laptop for a few moments afterward before he processes what Jeremy said.

Slowly lifts his head to squint at Jeremy like he’s sure he’s being fucked with, but also maybe not?

“Wait, what?”

Jeremy smiles and tips his hat at the asshole as he gets up to grab a beer out of the fridge.

========

As much as Jeremy tries not to think about the Name on his back, the rest of the world makes that impossible.

Television shows and movies. Best-sellers at the store. Songs on the radio. Marketing campaigns every-fucking-where and shoved down people’s throats at every turn.

No wonder so many obsess over their Name when they’re made so aware of it every waking moment.

It’s still kind of weird, though, listening to the guys he works with gossiping about them. Doesn’t matter who he’s working for, where he is, there’s always someone like that.

Stone-cold killers and no remorse to them, and they’ll kick back for a poker game and someone will start up a conversation about the Name on their shoulder.

Curling script and little hearts dotting the ‘i’ and wondering what they have to think about their own rough scribble of a name. (Good penmanship isn’t a requirement for their line of work.)

It’s enough to make Jeremy wonder what it is about Los Santos that people like them think about their soulmates like that. Hope they’ll get the chance to meet them even though they’re on the wrong side of the law and the odds of them getting something good out of it are so damn low.

========

Jeremy’s been in Los Santos for about a year, two, before his name gets put out there as someone people might want to watch out for.

Well, one of his names, anyway.

He still gets strange looks when he introduces himself as Rimmy Tim, but considering Los Santos is the kind of city where everyone’s scared of some idiot in a rubber mask calling himself the Vagabond, he figures he's doing alright for himself.

He’s been hired on by a crew that hasn’t tried to fuck him over since they brought him on to be an extra gun for them. (Yet.)

Decent pay that helps with the rent for the place he shares with a couple of idiots he’s fallen in with in Matt and Trevor, and until recently they were playing it smart.

Did nothing to attract the notice of the bigger crews in town, but that’s changed the last few weeks. His boss with his eyes set on moving up in the pecking order which means coming up against those same crews who could squash them flat with barely a thought.

Trevor keeps harping on him to get the fuck out, fake his death if he has to and have Matt gimmick him up a new identity, the whole works, because.

Fuck, because his boss is taking swipes at the Fake AH Crew.

Just about the worst crew to mess with, what with their reputation for not taking kindly to that kind of thing and all.

The crew Jeremy’s working for keeps bringing in new blood because they’re dropping likes flies with every skirmish they get into with the Fakes.

No mercy to the Fakes when one of theirs gets hurt, just this single-minded anger snapping back around on whoever is stupid enough to go after them.

If Jeremy was smarter, he’d listen to Trevor, he would. But Matt’s got these debts and smart as Trevor is he hasn’t been able to find a way to get him out of them other than paying them off. Jeremy does his part to help, which means being the kind of idiot out there tempting fate working for a certified moron with a death wish.

It’s how you say, not great.

Jeremy’s boss knows he wants out, but he also knows Jeremy doesn’t have a lot of say about it, so he keeps giving Jeremy the worst jobs. Sends him out with the other expendables on what amount to suicide missions and no skin off his nose if they don’t come back.

Which is how Jeremy ends up being partnered with some other disgraced bastard in the crew to put a little pressure on a weapons dealer looking to side with the Fakes. Convince him he’d do well to stick with them, but they pick a bad (good?) time to do with, what with the Fake AH crew members they run into there.

Guy in a leather jacket with a snarling wolf’s head on the back, the goddamned Vagabond, and some pretentious asshole with gold-framed sunglasses and stupid hair.

There’s a moment where they all stare at one another in shock, and then at the scumbag weapons dealer has the temerity to hiccup nervously before the shooting starts.

Jeremy’s not sure who fires the first round, but the moment they do it’s a free-for-all. Bad lighting and not the best anything and it’s confusing as hell.

Bullets flying and enough yelling to almost drown out the gunshots.

He hears one of the Fakes yell something about bringing the car around when things get bad. Sees a figure go pelting out a side door like a bat out of hell. The remaining Fakes doubling down to push Jeremy and his partner back, buy time or just put an end to things.

Jeremy drops behind cover, pops off a few shots and watches his partner – stupid asshole, stubborn as hell and just plain dumb – go down without a sound.

Swears under his breath and returns fire, with the realization he can get the hell out of there or die, and he knows which one he prefers. Cuts and runs like a coward, or just someone with a brain who doesn’t need to run the numbers to know he’s facing shitty odds, whichever.

He finds a door that leads to an alley and runs like hell until he hits a side street. Glimpses an ugly little purple car puttering down the street towards him from the corner of his eye and jumps in front of it to get the driver to stop.

Thanks God the idiot didn’t think to lock their door before he’s ripping it open and forcing them into the passenger seat, means to kick them out entirely but the Fakes find them before he can, spilling into the street.

“Fuck it,” Jeremy says, and “sorry, pal, but you’re probably safer in here than out there,” and then his foot is on the gas and they’re zooming out of the alley to...somewhere.

Jeremy doesn’t fucking know, okay.

He’s shot and bleeding and apparently a kidnapper now?

So.

Yeah.

He drives for God knows how long until he hears this quiet little laugh next to him. Incredulous, disbelieving, and -

“I can’t believe you still have the damn cowboy hat.”

Jeremy almost slams on the brakes because that voice.

British accent and infuriating as hell and what are the odds?

But, the part where he’s running from the Fakes and can’t do that – traffic and all – and just, it would be bad if he slammed on the brakes.

Instead he slows down a bit to keep from plowing into the car in front of them as it slows down to make a turn, and then whips around it the moment he can and keeps on going. Waves his gun in the hacker’s direction to shut him up, intimidate him, who knows, and heads to a safehouse he knows.

Only, the gun doesn’t shut the little idiot up, no.

“You’re bleeding,” Jeremy hears, which is not news to him.

He also hears, “That looks nasty,” which, he imagines it would. Bullet plus squishy human flesh and he’s not great at math, but even he can figure that one out.

Also?

“This is going to be so difficult to explain later.”

That makes no sense at all to Jeremy, but then the hacker’s reaching for his arm and Jeremy sends him a sharp look, because maybe don’t fucking do that when he’s got a gun sort of kind of aimed at him?

Takes a chance by taking his eyes off the road and almost swallows his tongue as he goes to tell him to very fucking politely not because -

“Oh, fuck me,” Jeremy mutters, because.

Stupid hair and gold-framed sunglasses, and Jeremy's kidnapped the Fake AH Crew’s Golden Boy by accident.

Accident.

There are people in Los Santos who’d pay an obscene amount of money for someone to do it on purpose and Jeremy did it by accident.

Awesome.

========

The Golden Boy plays it smart, in his own way.

Doesn’t shut up, no, but realizes Jeremy doesn’t appreciate him trying to stop him from bleeding all over the interior of his car (not so much the bleeding part as the potential risks of what he could do to Jeremy instead, so yeah) and keeps his damn hands to himself.

Babbles as Jeremy navigates backstreets and alleys to get to the shitty little safehouse Trevor scouted out for the three of them a few months back. Paranoid as hell, Trevor, and smart enough to know things would go to hell on them sooner or later.

Either Matt’s debts or the mess Jeremy’s trapped in, who the hell knows.

Trevor’s good about planning ahead, and Jeremy trusts him like no one else he’s met in this shithole city. (He trusts Matt, don’t get him wrong on that. But Matt is the same kind of dumb as Jeremy and it’s just. Better to look to Trevor for shit like this.)

Safe enough to hide out here to patch himself up, figure out what to do from there.

He parks the car a few streets over because you can never be too paranoid in this city. Pushes the Golden Boy ahead of him while they keep to the shadows and the gun ins his jacket pocket as incentive to go along with things for now.

No damn idea what he’s going to do with the little idiot, not that it matters because Jeremy’s fucked any way you look at it.

The Fakes will tear the city apart looking for him, and they know where to start looking. His own crew would sell him out in a heartbeat to save their own skins.

The only good part about this, if it can be called that, is that Trevor will figure out something went wrong when Jeremy doesn’t go back to their crappy little apartment and want to know what happened.

(Hell, now might not be a bad time to listen to him about faking his death before the Fakes find him.)

So until then...yeah.

It’s a mess.

Jeremy’s a mess, suit jacket ruined along with the shirt underneath. Something more than a simple graze that turns his stomach and hands nowhere near steady enough to stitch himself up.

“Fuck,” he says, and again a little stronger as he stares at the his wound, still bleeding sluggishly, ”fuck.”

The Golden Boy shifts. Nervous? Anxious? Who knows.

Says, quiet, careful, “I could help?” like he’s not sure how Jeremy will take it after the whole thing in the car with the glaring and everything that followed.

He shrugs when Jeremy looks up at him, pushes his stupid sunglasses up into his stupid hair. Looks tired without them hiding his eyes. Dark bags and under his eyes and this crooked little smile Jeremy doesn’t remember seeing before.

“I’ve done my share of stitching people up.”

There’s something to the way he says it that makes Jeremy believe it. Him. Whatever.

(The Fakes are known for being vicious about protecting their own, hurt one of them and you’re fucked and he’s never thought much about it before, but. There’s got to be a reason for it beyond not looking weak to their enemies, rivals.)

Jeremy’s out of options, knows he’s probably making a mistake here, but that part about being fucked anyway, so.

“Yeah, okay,” he says, and pushes the first-aide kit towards the Golden Boy.

Watches him like a hawk as he picks through the thing making these little tutting noises as he does because Jeremy may or may not have forgotten to restock it after the last time.

Rolls up his sleeves and Jeremy follows the motion without thought. Eyes going to the line of letters he can see just on the Golden Boy’s his inner forearm. Something familiar about them, but then the Golden Boy notices Jeremy staring.

Clears his throat and pulls his sleeve down to hide the Name inked on his skin. They’re a liability in this business, get people killed, and Jeremy pulls his gaze away guiltily.

“Sorry,” he says, because he’s an asshole and a ruthless criminal as these things go, but even he’s not that far gone. Not the kind of monster who’d take advantage of knowing who the Golden Boy’s soulmate is, use that against him. Not like he can say that and expected to be believed, but still. “It’s...sorry.”

He can feel eyes on him, knows the Golden Boy is watching him, judging him, and then there’s a little sigh.

“No worries, love,” he says, striving for bright and cheerful, just this hint of uncertainty, maybe even fear to it. “Not your fault, now is it?”

(Is it?)

Jeremy remains silent, winces as the Golden Boy sighs again before he picks up a washcloth Jeremy scrounged out of a cabinet to clean away the blood. He works quickly and efficiently, murmurs an apology when Jeremy hisses in pain as he plucks out cloth fibers and whatever else have gotten into the wound before he starts on the stitches.

Neat, even things, and a little laugh afterward when he says it might not scar noticeably.

Not a major concern for Jeremy, but still nice to know.

“Thanks,” he says, as the Golden Boy tapes off the bandage covering the stitches. “Just, uh. Thanks.”

Awkward as hell, thanking the guy you’ve kidnapped (accidentally, and he’s never going to get over that) for patching him up, but hey.

That’s Jeremy’s life in a nutshell.

(Or...something.)

He watches the Golden Boy pack the first-aide kit up nice and neat, reach for a stay bit of trash from the supplies he used, sleeve riding up again and this time Jeremy gets a good look at the Name on his arm.

Realizes why it had seemed so familiar from the glimpse he caught, and reacts without thinking.

Grabs the Golden Boy’s wrist with his good hand, painfully aware of the way the Golden Boy freezes like a deer in the headlights because Jeremy’s still got his gun and the whole being kidnapped thing.

Ignores the pain ins his bad arm as he pushes the Golden Boy’s sleeve up to reveal the Name on his inner forearm.

Jeremy’s name.

Knows his signature after years of using it, every upward sweep and downward loop, and his heart drops because this, this is how he meets his soulmate, of course it is.

“Jesus Christ,” Jeremy mutters, releasing the Golden Boy’s wrist, aware of the way he recoils away from him like he’s been burned. Holds his arm close to himself, hiding the Name on his skin from Jeremy, and he feels sick about his reaction.

(How could he? Why would he?)

Probably thinks Jeremy’s like all the other sick fucks in this city who’d pay anything to know whose Name someone has on their skin. Use it against them and do it happily because it gives them power over them, and fucking hell.

“I - “ Jeremy’s voice fails him and he thinks about just whipping his shirt off to show him why, but that’s.

Gonna send a bad message if he can’t explain himself first, and he can feel himself on the verge of laughing like a lunatic because this is not now he saw today going at all.

He looks up to see the Golden Boy watching him. Wary, as Jeremy would expect him to be after watching Jeremy act like the aforementioned lunatic.

“What,” the Golden Boy asks, voice cracking a little. “What was that all about?”

Jeremy stares at him, because he looks scared, sure, but also?

Angry.

Like he’d kill Jeremy rather than let him use his Name as a weapon or a threat against him. Willing to protect the idiot whose name is indelibly inked on his skin with everything he has because that’s what you do for your soulmate if you give even the tiniest of fucks about them. (Even without their unique situation.)

People are so stupid that way, and it’s both the funniest and saddest things about them to Jeremy.

Because.

He’s got a name running along his spine and he may not know a hundred percent what it is, what with the horrible handwriting, but he knows without a doubt it’s this little idiot’s.

Knows it like he knows every other important thing in his life, and this just complicates things even further, doesn’t it?

Rival crews and a carjacking that led to an (accidental) kidnapping. A soulmate that looks like he’s trying to decide the best way to kill him to keep Jeremy from using himself against him, and it’s getting real confusing in Jeremy’s head.

One thing he does know, though. He can’t let his soulmate (Jesus, Trevor will never let him live this down and neither will Matt) think he’s one of those scumbags who’d use his Name against him.

“Rimmy Tim isn’t my real name,” he says, which should be obvious by now because no self-respecting human being would go through life with it as a name and not have it legally changed at some point.

Just, no.

The Golden Boy’s still watching him. Cocks his head at Jeremy’s admission, eyes narrowing as he tries to figure out where Jeremy’s going with this.

“This is...” Jeremy trails off, knows if he just tells him his name is Jeremy it’s not going to come off well, given the current situation, so. “Uh, this is going to seem weird, but bear with me, okay?”

It’s a bit of a risk, what he’s about to do.

Turn his back on someone with every reason to use the opportunity to attack him, kill him, but he can’t think of a better idea. Just. No better idea and sure as hell doesn’t want his soulmate to think he’s in a situation where his Name is something to be used against him, that fear, even if it backfires on Jeremy.

He twists around and pulls his shirt up, hears the Golden Boy’s confused ”What?” and ”Oh, God, what?” and then this sharp inhale followed by silence.

A long, long moment of silence and this shuddery exhale, cool fingers on Jeremy’s back tracing the letters running along his spine.

Quiet laugh, shaky, and, “Bloody hell,” he hears, followed by, “I knew that couldn’t be your real name,” and another laugh that just sounds tired.

Which, yeah.

Jeremy gets that, he does.

He pulls his shirt back down and turns around to find the Golden Boy watching him again, but there’s a thoughtful quality to it this time.

“So,” he says like he still can’t believe it. “You’re my soulmate, are you?”

Hard to get a bead on how he feels about that, what with the being carjacked and kidnapped at gunpoint thing they have going for them. The way things are a little too Romeo and Juliet for Jeremy’s tastes seeing how well that went for all parties involved in that little disaster.

“Uh, yeah,” Jeremy says, for whatever it’s worth. “I guess I am.”

========

The mirror in the safehouse’s bathroom is dirty as hell, has this crack running straight down the middle of it like the fault lines under Los Santos.

Good enough to get a decent picture of his back at least, have Jeremy frowning at all the scars he’s picked up since the last time he did this. (Five, six years ago? Maybe longer.)

It’s late now, few hours past midnight and the Golden Boy’s sacked out in the bedroom. Tired after a long day and what seems to have been an even longer week for him. Put up a fight because he wasn’t the one with a bullet wound, but Jeremy had overruled him on the basis of 1.) being carjacked, and 2.) being kidnapped after being carjacked.

Not to mention the reason for the carjacking and subsequent kidnapping and just...everything else on top of that they haven’t addressed properly.

More like stared at one another for a long moment trying to process before the Golden Boy yawned, reminding them both of the late hour, and they decided it would be better to pick things back up in the morning.

Sleep on all of it and figure things out then and Jesus if that’s not reason for Jeremy to grab his stuff and get the fuck out. Run off with his tail between his legs before his soulmate tells him thanks for the terrifying day and all, but he just doesn’t see things working out between them – carjackings and kidnappings do not a good relationship make – but do take care.

But he hasn’t, has he. Is creeping around the safehouse being an idiot instead.

Jeremy sighs as he fiddles with the limited photo editor app on his phone, flips the picture he just took so he can read the Name on his back.

Everyone in Los Santos calls him the Golden Boy, sometimes though they refer to him as the Fake AH Crew’s Golden Boy, sometimes he’s Ramsey’s Golden Boy, but his name’s not a secret.

That first letter on Jeremy’s back is definitely a ‘G’, and knowing what he knows now, he can see the rest.

And now that he knows, he’s afraid to say it out loud because there are -

Just.

A lot of unknowns in their future.

Or, not.

At the very least, he knows who his soulmate is now, won’t have to wonder about it anymore, and that. Well, it has to count for something, doesn’t it?

========

“So now what?”

The Golden Boy – no, Gavin – is watching Jeremy closely. Head cocked to the side and so very careful.

Looking at him, Jeremy realizes he never searched him for weapons when they got the safehouse. Wasn’t in the frame of mind to think of it with the chaos of the shootout, pain from his injury and everything that followed. World-changing realizations and all.

Can spot at least one gun on him. A few knives. Who the hell knows what else because rumors say he worked with the Vagabond for a while before the Fakes snatched him up and he’s picked up a few habits of his along the way.

Good news, no immediate rejection regarding the soulmate situation. Bad news, he’s still not indicating how he feels about the fact Jeremy’s his soulmate.

Playing it safe, smart, given the everything else that’s happened or something else, Jeremy doesn’t know.

“What do you mean?” Jeremy asks, because what does that even mean?

Gavin gives him this look, and gestures at himself.

Ego aside, he makes for one hell of a prize.

Any of the Fakes would be to be fair, but the Golden Boy?

Jesus, what stroke of luck to catch him.

Hit the Fakes where it would hurt the most because he’s always been considered untouchable, all these attack dogs keeping him from harm and poster boy for the crew, more so than Ramsey ever was.

Silver-tongued negotiator with an impressive string of successes behind him in the allies the Fakes have won over to their side since they clawed their way to the top.

That whole thing where he’s got a price on his head in the city only the craziest bastards would even think about cashing in on. Catch him and sell him to the highest bidder and live a life of luxury. (Until the Fakes found out who’d managed it and went hunting.)

Jeremy stares at him because 1.), no, and 2.)? Also no.

“How about this,” Jeremy says slowly. “You take that piece of shit car of yours and go back to your crew and I go back to mine and we pretend you did not just suggest what I think you did.”

Because, and Jeremy cannot emphasize this enough, no.

Even if he wasn’t Jeremy’s soulmate the answer would be the same. Jeremy’s an asshole, but he’s got limits. Lines he won’t cross and something like that?

No.

If he did have a personal grudge against the Fakes, well.

Honestly, there are only two things that would be part of that, and they’re both idiots. If something happened to them and the Fakes were involved...

Jeremy can’t say what he’d do then, but he likes to think he wouldn’t sink so low as to do something like that. (You never know what you’d do until you’re in that situation though, do you.)

There’s a long, long moment where they stare at one another, Jeremy’s heart beating double-quick time in his chest because Jesus fucking Christ. Also this sudden, violent urge to throw up because the whole soulmate thing on top of everything and how repugnant the matter of selling him out is with that factoring in?

Yeah.

Gavin laughs, tension seeping out of him as he regards Jeremy.

“Well,” he says, “that’s good to know.”

Like he really thought Jeremy could – would – sell him off like that even without the soulmate thing, Jesus.

“Yeah, sure.” Jeremy scrubs a hand over his face. “You’re welcome?”

Gavin hums, and then Jeremy feels a touch to the back of his hand and looks up to see him watching him.

“I never would have thought,” he says, and laughs like he’s still processing the whole soulmate thing. “I never would have thought you’d be the one.”

There’s...Jeremy swallows because there’s this note of wonder in his voice, the way he’s looking at Jeremy.

“Thought for sure I’d annoyed you past all reason.”

Not...not quite.

Annoying as hell, sure, but there was a part of him that appreciated watching a fellow horrible little bastard at work. Amused as hell at the way Gavin got under the skin of the others they were working with just because he could.

Yeah.

He should have known something was up then, but it was just a job at the time. Jeremy scrabbling to get by and just another job to put money in his pocket and all kinds of excuses that fall flat when he looks back on it.

“Nah,” Jeremy says, and smiles. “I mean, I wouldn’t say past all reason.”

He laughs to soften things, and is rewarded with a quiet laugh and then...it’s not awkward between them, just.

There’s.

“I should contact the others,” Gavin says, reluctant about it. “They’re sure to be worried by now.”

As if they wouldn’t have been the moment they realized something was wrong with a crew known to be as close-knit as theirs.

Trevor and Matt have to be worried about him as well by now, and the two of them can’t just hide away here forever no matter how tempting it is.

Should have gone their own ways the night before everything got complicated on them. Kicked Gavin out of the car somewhere his crew would be sure to pick him up before continuing on to the safehouse, but he hadn’t been thinking clearly.

Too late for that now, though.

“I - “ Jeremy sighs, because there’s no putting things off any longer. They’ve done enough of that as it is. “Yeah, okay.”

========

There’s not much for Jeremy to do as Gavin makes his phone call, but he finds reasons to be out of the room. Give him some privacy.

Wanders around straightening up for the next time someone needs to use the safehouse. Make a list of things he needs to get to restock the first-aide kit. Sends Matt a text letting him know he’s not dead in a ditch somewhere and he’ll tell them everything when he gets back home because he’d rather avoid Trevor’s heavy judgment for the time being.

He laughs when he gets a thumb’s up emoji from Matt, and then a few moments later a succinct Fuck you, man, that’s sure to result from Trevor expressing his disappointment in Matt for not pressing Jeremy for details.

Jeremy makes his way back to the living room just in time to catch the end of the conversation the Gavin’s having with whoever he called. All this exasperation to it and dumb little smile and he just.

Watches him for a long moment since Gavin doesn’t seem to know he’s there yet.

No telling what will happen once they leave the safehouse.

Jeremy’s got to be high on the Fakes’ most wanted list by now, and the smart thing for him to do is stay under the radar until that changes, if it will.

So. Yeah.

Gavin finishes his call and looks up to catch Jeremy’s eye, amused smile playing on his lips so so much for going unnoticed.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, just,” Jeremy shrugs. The safehouse isn’t big, not a lot of places for him to putter about while Gavin was on the phone.

Thankfully Gavin seems to understand that because he laughs, and Jeremy.

God.

He’s heard the stories, you know?

From his parents, other people who found their soulmates and had things work out. The way you just. It’s not some magical thing where everything’s suddenly easy, everything nice and clear and simple, but.

There’s a difference.

This thing where you look at your soulmate and you know.

Their smile seems brighter than anyone else’s, fills you with this. Love, warmth, whatever the hell that can help flip a shitty day over into one that’s a little more bearable. Small things that make life better in a million little ways, make you feel less alone in the world.

Not easy, and shit still happens, but it’s not. Not overwhelming anymore, like you know you can make it through a bad day and any others that come after it because someone’s there to help you through them.

Jeremy sits down next to him and reaches for his hand, feels stupidly relieved when Gavin reaches back.

========

In the end, Gavin gets in his Blista and drives back to his crew, and Jeremy watches him until he’s out of view.

Out of the two of them, he’s the one with the target painted on his back, and while Jeremy’s not delighted about letting him go alone, it’s the smart thing to do.

Jeremy’s a nobody compared to him, can find his own way home without worrying about running into trouble, and he does.

Gets an earful from Trevor who’s doing a good job of looking his usual put-together self, but Jeremy knows him too well by now to miss the signs of Trevor in full-on Deeply Concerned mode.

“Trevor,” he says, because goddamn they’re all kind of dumb. “Shut up.”

He drags Trevor into a hug despite his half-hearted protests – he is lecturing, Jeremy, and hugs are illegal you fiend. And then he does the same to Matt who’s off the side nibbling on a breadstick and trying to look bored and disinterested like he’s not just as worried.

“Where the hell were you?” Trevor demands, hands on his hips and ridiculous as ever. “We heard about what what happened, and then you didn’t come home and - “

Jeremy winces at the fear he can hear plain as day in Trevor’s voice even with the dramatics he’s throwing in to cover for it. The dark circles under his eyes and bloodshot eyes from a lack of sleep and just. Everything he can see mirrored in Matt.

“It’s a long story,” Jeremy says, which is the wrong thing to say even if it’s the truth because it sets Trevor off all over again with his own side of things.

Because Matt keeps tabs on Jeremy, on Trevor. Might as well have animal tracking collars on them or gone and microchipped them in their sleep. No way to hide from him even if they wanted to. (A lie, because they’d find ways around it, but what would be the point when he does it to look after them in his own Matt Bragg way?)

And when Jeremy dropped off the radar after the shootout with all the “extra touches” at the safehouse to prevent them from being tracked there...yeah.

“I, uh.” Jeremy doesn’t know how to put this gently, so he just goes for it. “I carjacked the Golden Boy and found out he’s my soulmate?”

There.

Perfect.

Good job all around, well done him.

Jeremy turns on his heel and power walks to the kitchen to grab something strong to drink while Trevor’s brain tries to process that and Matt stops choking on his breadstick.

While he’s there he decides to be civilized and grabs glasses for Trevor and Matt because he gets the feeling they’re going to need them.

========

Trevor can’t actually ground Jeremy, because for one, Jeremy’s a fucking adult? And two, he’s not the boss of him. (Something Jeremy thinks in the safety and privacy of his own mind lest he give Trevor ideas.)

But.

The three of them are in agreement it would be safest for Jeremy if he kept a low profile for the time being, which means he is more or less grounded.

Sits around the apartment pestering Matt while he works on whatever Matt does. Offering unhelpful suggestions until even Matt has enough of his bullshit and kicks him out of his nerd lair so he can work in peace.

Thinks about doing the same to Trevor, but Trevor is by far the smartest one out of them and voted most likely to plot intricate, painful revenge Jeremy will never see coming, so he doesn’t pester him.

Watches a lot of daytime dramas and talk shows instead. Some DIY videos from the internet on his laptop which is great, because he finds this one channel of a guy who helps him expand on his homemade explosives repertoire.

Also?

Picks up a few delicious recipes and other things from people not out to topple governments or just make really, really, questionable life choices involving explosives.

And then one day Trevor comes up to him with a package bearing the logo of a small delivery company.

He looks conflicted, like he’s not sure what he’s doing is a good thing.

“This came for you the other day,” he says, and holds it just out of reach. “I had Matt check it over first, just in case.”

Jeremy sets his game controller aside, because Trevor has a shifty look on his face. Is having a hard time looking Jeremy in the eye.

“Trevor?”

Trevor clears his throat, fidgets in a way that is very, very alarming coming from him.

“I realize I may not have come across as happy for you as I should have,” he says, waving a hand at Jeremy and his everything. “About this whole. Soulmate thing of yours, and I apologize. For that.”

Jeremy cocks his head.

While Trevor’s not wrong, he’s not. Jeremy knows him, okay. Knows Trevor’s glad he found his soulmate, but there was the matter of everything else to deal with too because Jeremy’s a damn idiot who can’t do anything the easy way.

“You really don’t need to - “ Jeremy starts to say, and snaps his mouth shut when Trevor levels him with a look. “But, ah. Thank you?”

Trevor harrumphs, scowl slowly lightening to a rueful smile as he holds the package out to Jeremy.

“Anyway, this came for you the other day and Matt says it’s not going to kill you. Or, it might, but if it does it will be from cancer due to long-term exposure to radiofreqeuncy radiation and not explosives or what have you.” Trevor pauses for a breath. “But as we both know, that won’t happen for decades if there really is a link between cell phone usage and cancer, so, uh. Yeah. Don’t worry about it.”

Jeremy doesn’t know what to say to any of that, so he accepts the package with a simple thanks and scurries off to his room before he catches whatever the hell Trevor has.

(Too late to avoid the insanity, but he already knew that.)

========

There’s a cell phone in the package, but Trevor gave that away with his unsettling warning about the hazards of cell phones or whatever that was.

There’s also a note.

From Gavin.

Awkward and sweet, and Jeremy laughs as he reads if for the third time because he’s an idiot and a sap.

It’s a chance to get to know Gavin better and a burner phone to make that possible.

Side note about this being for the best until Gavin can talk sense into his crew regarding Jeremy and this rambling tangent that has nothing to do with anything, but still makes Jeremy smile.

They’re getting further and further away from the bizarre Romeo and Juliet situation they were in at first, but everything’s still unbelievably stupid and ridiculous in their own way.

Still.

Jeremy sets the note aside and unlocks the phone and brings up the contacts. Stares at the only one saved for a long moment, nerves and whatever else getting the best of him for a moment before he shoves all of that aside and presses the send button before he can think better of it.

========

A month goes by before Trevor deems it safe to let Jeremy out on his own unsupervised, which is just as insulting as it sounds.

To be fair, it’s taken that long for his bullet wound to heal to a point he can take on work again without making things worse, so it works out.

He’s been talking to Gavin every chance he can get, gone from once or twice a week to three to four to every day thy better they got to know one another. Realizing they might be among the lucky ones to find their soulmate and someone they could stand to share the rest of their lives together with.

He’s been itching at the chance to see him in person again, and Gavin feels the same because he texts Jeremy the name of a cafe along with a time and date, and Jeremy -

“Good God man, you can’t wear that abomination on your little lunch date!” Trevor looks personally offended because Jeremy’s dressed in his finest Rimmy Tim ensemble, complete with a new hat to replace the one he lost in the shootout with the Fakes.

All shiny and white because he felt like a change was in order, and also they were out of brown.

Jeremy keeps a straight face by sheer strength of will, something not helped by the thumb’s up Matt’s shooting him over Trevor’s shoulder.

“What’s wrong with it?” Jeremy asks, looking down at himself like he’s looking for a stray piece of lint or wrinkled fabric. A loose button, something along those lines. And, “You don’t like it?”

Trevor makes this...this noise in the back of his throat that somehow conveys frustration, disgust, and barest touch of rage as he throws his hands up.

“You march right back into your room and find something to wear that isn’t both horrendous and garish right now, young man!”

There’s a delicate silence in the moment after his outburst.

And then Jeremy makes the mistake of looking at Matt, and that’s the end of that. The two of them crack up laughing while Trevor heaves this sigh of utmost suffering that comes from having to deal with idiots like them.

========

Jeremy changes into clothes Trevor deems far more reasonable than Jeremy’s Rimmy Tim getup and makes it to the cafe with time to spare.

Follows the hostess out to an outside seating area and can’t help the goofy smile on his face when he spots Gavin waiting for him at one of the tables.

He looks.

Well.

He looks nervous, fussing with this coin he’s rolling over his knuckles in an obvious nervous habit, but he also looks good.

Button-down shirt that makes his eyes stand out. Pressed slacks and dress shoes, hair – still an unruly mess but it’s more artfully messy rather than all-out disastrous. Those ridiculously expensive sunglasses of his hooked into the collar of his shirt and best of all, he looks rested. Like he’s finally managed to get enough sleep, and the smile that crosses his face when he catches sight of Jeremy -

Blinding.

“Jeremy!” he gets to his feet and pulls Jeremy into a hug, and the last of Jeremy’s nervousness vanishes in the face of his clear excitement at seeing him again after so long.

Jeremy closes his eyes and breathes out a sigh of relief as he hugs Gavin, because nerves and this...he doesn’t even know.

Like part of him somehow thought he’d imagined it all from the shootout to the carjacking (Jesus Christ, that’s going to make the story of how they discovered they were soulmates a tricky one to tell people) to the events at the safehouse.

The phone calls that had spilled over from one burner phone to the next until Jeremy had decided the hell with things and started using his own instead. (A risk, sure, of the Fakes finding him to “have a little chat with him” Gavin had warned him about when he told him, but more than worth it.)

Everything.

This ache in his chest at being so close and so far after all these years of wondering. Maybe there is something to the soulmates thing science can’t explain because it feels like Jeremy’s taking his first full breath in far too long.

The world feels a little more real, brighter when he opens his eyes to look at Gavin.

Something.

Gavin laughs again and they untangle themselves, sit down at the table Gavin’s gotten for them and stare at one another like idiots for a moment.

It’s a beautiful day, sunny and bright and the people of Los Santos are making the most of it. Pedestrians out for a walk for the hell of it or out and about on errands or other business talking on their cell phones or enjoying the break in weather from the spate of rain they’ve had the last week.

Dogs barking, birds singing. People laughing.

All of it paints a different picture of the city than Jeremy’s used to seeing and for a moment he can almost pretend it’s any other city.

Almost.

“Uh,” Jeremy says, because pretty as things are right now, Los Santos is certainly not any other city. “Did you know - “

Gavin rolls his eyes, mouth quirking as he leans towards Jeremy. Drops his voice to a conspiratorial whisper.

“Ignore them,” he says, gleam of amusement in his eye. “It’ll drive them mental.”

Jeremy raises his eyebrows at that because Gavin knows his crew best, of course, but still.

There’s a car idling at the curb just beyond the patio they’re seated at.

Shiny chrome number and the guy with the wolf on the back of his jacket Jeremy remembers seeing from the shootout behind the wheel.

Glaring at Jeremy.

Another car is parked across the street opposite him. Sleek black number with bright green accents. Too far to make out more than an outline of the driver, but Jeremy’s sure he’s wearing a skull mask. (He’s seen that car on the news too often not to know its owner.)

Not even two tables away from them are a pair of people in the absolute worst disguises Jeremy’s seen outside of a spy parody movie.

Dark sunglasses, fake mustaches and beards, and holes cut out of the newspaper one of them is reading along with oversize trench coats on a beautiful early summer afternoon in sunny Los Santos.

“...Okay?” Jeremy says, because okay.

And...he gets it, he does.

The Fakes are a close-knit crew and he and Gavin didn’t kick off this whole...soulmates thing between them in the traditional way.

At all.

To be honest, there’s a part of him that’s relieved they’re being this overprotective of Gavin. Watching out for him in an admittedly creepy way.

It’s just.

Weird as hell, too.

“Jeremy,” Gavin says, and gives him this look like he knows, but better to go along with it than fight it at this point, which.

Again, yeah, okay.

He can handle dealing with Gavin’s crew if it means he gets to have this...chance with Gavin. (Besides, he hasn’t even met Trevor or Matt, and God knows they’re going to be as terrible in their own ways, idiots that they are.)

They chat for a bit as they look over the menu, knot of worry and doubt in Jeremy’s chest unraveling as Gavin laughs at Jeremy’s stupid jokes. Smiles at the truly awful ones like he can’t help himself even though they both know how terrible they are.

Jeremy doing the same as Gavin tells him about his recent exploits with the Fakes, little adventures he got up to on his own when he managed to slip away from his minders. (Paranoid after the incident where some inconsiderate bloke carjacked Gavin.)

“Are you ready to order?”

Jeremy freezes.

Looks over to see a man dressed like one of the cafe’s waiters standing next to their table. Impressive mustache and tattoos he can see peeking over the collar of his shirt. More on his hands holding a notepad and pencil and this glint in his eye as he ignores Gavin to stare Jeremy down.

He’s seen the Kingpin on the news. Heard all kinds of wild stories about him, the things he did with the Roosters before coming to Los Santos to start his own crew.

Ruthless.

Merciless.

Only man in all of Los Santos who could get the Vagabond to join a crew and all the other rumors out there making him to be this terrifying figure in his own right, and for good reason.

And now he’s in a waiter’s uniform waiting to take their lunch order and Jeremy has no idea how to proceed, because his brain is having difficulty processing the situation.

Jesus.

He feels a sharp pain on his shin and snaps out of his daze or whatever the hell he’s fallen into to look at Gavin.

Gavin, who just kicked him under the table and is now giving him this look. All remember what I told you, and follow my lead and God’s sakes, Jeremy, don’t let them get to you, they can smell fear.

A lot to convey with a single look, but somehow Gavin pulls it off

“Actually,” Gavin says, looking back at his menu. “I was wondering if there’s any shellfish in the shellfish cioppino? I’m allergic, and it would absolutely ruin my day if I had even the smallest bite.”

That’s a blatant lie. They were just talking about Gavin’s love for shellfish after they got onto the topic of the east coast and Jeremy’s hometown of Boston in particular, but alright.

Jeremy stares at Gavin who lifts his eyes from his menu to wink at Jeremy before gifting their waiter with an arch look.

The Kingpin glares at him.

Takes a deep breath and in a voice that says he’s going to have words with Gavin later, and says, ”Yes, sir. Unfortunately there is shellfish in the shellfish cioppino as the name implies. Perhaps something else on the menu appeals to you?”

“Oh,” Gavin says, crestfallen that his first choice might kill him if he was in fact allergic as he’s claiming to be. “That’s a shame. What about the steamed mussels?”

It goes on like that for a while as Gavin asks about every dish on the menu where shellfish is a key ingredient and several where no seafood is involved at all.

The Kingpin goes from being annoyed to resigned and defeated, staring off into the middle distance as he answers Gavin’s questions.

“Well then,” Gavin says, when he’s done torturing one of the most feared men in Los Santos. “I suppose I’ll have the shellfish cioppino.”

There’s no reaction at first, but when the Kingpin realizes Gavin’s done tormenting him he snaps back to himself. Draws himself up to his full height and scowls down at Gavin as he angrily scribbles down his order to keep up the pretense as their waiter.

Gavin beams at him, hands folded neatly in front of him on the table.

The Kingpin snorts, corner of his mouth twitching before he turns his attention on Jeremy.

“And what would you like to order?”

He’s not glaring at Jeremy now, but it’s close enough to count.

“Hmm,” Jeremy says, mimicking the posh accent Gavin had slipped into. “Are there any mushrooms in your smoked mushroom ravioli? I have this allergy to them.”

No doubt he’ll regret it in the long run, but when he hears Gavin laugh figures it’s another one of those things he can deal with just for that.

========

They go for a walk along the beach after lunch, a nice leisurely stroll.

Sure, they’re being watched by members of Gavin’s crew, but Jeremy barely notices it anymore with Gavin laughing next to him.

“Oh, God, did you see his face?” Gavin’s giggling, all lit up with it, and Jeremy’s heart does that little flippy thing it started doing halfway through lunch with Gavin laughing and smiling and happy. “Geoff will make me pay for it, but his face.”

Gavin won’t be the only one paying for what they did, but that’s a future worry.

Right now it’s the two of them enjoying a nice day and being the horrible little bastards they are.

Amazing.

Their shoulders bump every so often, shifting sand under their feet and wandering along aimlessly as people are wont to do like this. Their hands do too, and after a while it gets to be a problem, so Jeremy has no choice but to tangle his fingers with Gavin to put an end to that.

Heart in his throat as he reaches for his hand, and that flippy sensation in his chest when Gavin slides a look at him, crooked grin on his face as he slides his fingers through Jeremy’s.

========

All good things end, or something like that, and Jeremy and Gavin find their way back up to the street next to the beach.

Gavin leads them to a pretty little thing parked next to the curb. Matte black and low-slung. Looks like it could go from zero to sixty in no time flat and Jeremy would love to see that happen one day.

He laughs when he notices Jeremy admiring it, hint of a blush on his cheeks as he gives it a fond pat on the hood.

“It was in the shop at the time,” he says, and shrugs, a story behind it he’s not telling Jeremy just yet. “That’s why I was driving my Blista.”

Jeremy raises an eyebrow because those stories Gavin told him earlier and his far from spotless driving record. Gavin coughs, gaze sliding away.

They lean against Gavin’s car and watch the waves roll in below them, sun starting to sink towards the horizon. They’ve shed their escort in Gavin’s crew, one by one until it’s just the two of them now.

Jeremy passing a test he wasn’t aware of or them getting bored enough to go off to wreak havoc in another part of the city, who the hell knows.

“We should do this again sometime,” Gavin says, light and casual, like he’s not holding on to Jeremy’s hand as though it’s a lifeline. “I had fun.”

Jeremy could do that. He could. Spend hours with Gavin without keeping an eye on the time.

“Me too,” Jeremy says, and squeezes Gavin’s hand. “I’d like that.”

Gavin ducks his head, and Jeremy laughs because.

Yeah.

The whole soulmate thing isn’t a guarantee you’ll fall in love the moment you meet yours, or that you’ll even like them, but goddamn is it nice when you do. (Amazing.)

After a moment Gavin looks up at him, expression on his face like he’s thinking hard on something, and then he breaths out this sigh. Annoyed at himself for something as he straightens.

“Jeremy,” he says, and he sounds determined. Focused. About to take a risk and intent on following through. “I think I’d like to kiss you.”

Jeremy bites back a laugh because it’s so formal of him. Right and proper and all that. Very British sounding.

“Yeah?” he asks, grinning at the annoyed huff from Gavin. “I think I’d like it if you did.”

Gavin’s eyes narrow because he knows Jeremy’s laughing at him, and try as he might he can’t hide his own amusement at their ridiculousness.

“Jeremy,” Gavin says, because this is no joking matter.

Jeremy tries to wipe the grin off his face, he does, but he can’t with the way Gavin’s looking at him and the way his heart is doing that flippy thing again.

Good thing, then, that Gavin does it for him when he leans in for that kiss of his.

========

Jeremy’s life isn’t all kittens and sunshine now, no.

Matt still has those debts of his that Jeremy and Trevor are helping him with because God knows he’s an idiot and things are getting better on that front.

Los Santos is still the same shithole it’s always been.

He’s still at the top of the Fake AH Crew’s most wanted list, albeit for a very different reason now.

But.

Jeremy’s found his soulmate and while the two of them have to deal with a few more hurdles in their path than most people do, they manage just fine for themselves.

“Gavin - “

Gavin laughs, pecks Jeremy on the cheek to shush him as the lights go down in the movie theater around them.

“Ignore them,” he he whispers, like Ryan and Michael aren’t a few rows behind them making sure Jeremy doesn’t kidnap Gavin (intentionally) under cover of darkness. “They’re just being ridiculous.”

“I - “Jeremy sighs, because Gavin’s got a point. “Okay.”

The Fakes like to show up on their dates from time to time, scowl and glare at Jeremy because they’re just “like that” according to Gavin, but they disappear after a while to let them have time to themselves.

More of a running gag by now than actual threat, even if Ryan still wears the mask half the time.

It’s weird as hell and definitely not the way Jeremy imagined what finding his soulmate would be like back when he used to think about it, but it works for them and that’s the only thing that matters.

#jerevin #ragehappy #fahc au #soulmates au #ahwuum #Prompt Fills #Kings of Nowhere #vagrant fic #thank you so much for supporting me friend!!!#<333333333333!#(...this is kind of what you asked for???#also it got out of hand on me #so there's that???#:D???)

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258-milkbags · 6 years ago

Text

Just hear me out

I've been meaning to rewatch Treasure Planet ever since I saw the lovely art that @jaykore (which y'all should check it btw) drew of Jim Hawkins but I haven't had the time

I finally did have time yesterday to rewatch it but since I usually watch it in Spanish the songs are different from that of the English one, they're not translated literally so the meaning kinda of gets a little lost but it's still there, anywhores since I normally watch it in Spanish I didn't realize I was "missing out" in a way because the original is in English which I guess has more depth to it? not sure how to put it

And the song I'm Still Here reminded me a lot of Jason Todd. I felt like it was very fitting, now I don't know if other people have talked about it before or if they've thought about it but I'm just putting it out there just in case. And now that I think about it the Spanish translation can also be interpreted the same way but I wanna say it gives a different feeling than in English somehow (at least for me) but I'm going to be talking about the English one

I am a question to the world

not and answer to be Heard

or a moment that's held in your arms

and what do you think you'd ever say

I won't listen anyway

you don't know me

and I'll never be what you want me to be

The first verse I wanna say that (relating to) Jason I this part would be young Robin at this point, in the sense that he was questioning many things all while not having any answers from any people. You know how Jason wanted to actually punish the criminals instead of simply throwing them in jail so that they wouldn't commit the same crime over and over again. And how Jason sometimes wanted to do justice by his own hands rather than wait for the corrupt system to take it's course leading to him not listening to Batman's orders and then leading to part where it says "you don't know me and I'll never be what you want me to be" because that's what Jason actually feels. He feels as if Bruce will never understand because of his high morals and because of those same high morals Jason feels like he's never going to be enough for Bruce or how Bruce had "everything" in live compared to him

I'm a boy no, I'm a man

You can't take me and throw me away

And how can you learn what's never shown

Yeah you stand here on your own

They don't know me

Cause I'm not here

In verse 2 Jason would be older? I think, 'cause you know how he's from Crime Alley he's had to grow up really quickly, from having to help his mother to having to survive living on the streets, he would consider himself no longer a child but a man. And how he feels betrayed that Bruce did avenged him after the Joker killed/murdered him and simply "replaced" him with another kid smarter and better than him, yet again making him feel like he's not enough. The Batfam don't really know him nor really try to see pass the first year of him being Red Hood, all they see is a crazy psychopath who wants revenge and the death of many people, they don't see that Jason is still very much Jason but at the same time he's also very different from the boy who died in the explosion. Dick didn't really pay attention to him because he was to busy being pissed at Bruce to be an older brother to Jason even though he tried his best to live up to the mantle, Tim (I feel has the most understanding than most of the Batfam) was almost killed by Jason and have a rocky relationship, Damian let's just say not the best and leave it at that for now. I don't know enough about Cass or Steph to have a say in it but I feel like Babs somewhat understands where Jay is coming from since she was also a victim of the Joker. And I have no idea about Duke since I have read any comics in a while

And I want a moment to be real

Wanna touch things I don't feel

We want to hold on and feel I belong

And how can the world want me to change

They're the ones that stay the same

They don't know me

Cause I'm not here

Now the chorus I had a bit of trouble trying to put into words mostly because there's so much emotion to be interpreted, Jason always puts a hard mask on so that he doesn't get hurt by the people he loves and cares about but those same people have let him down more often than not, so I guess what I'm trying to say is he feels that every interaction has some sort of ultirermotive in a way. He so badly wants a loving caring family that trust him, he wants to belong and be loved in a healthy way. But how can he do that when there's some must suspicion and doubt with layers upon layers or trauma and angst. Bruce wants Jason to change his ways, wants him to be the boy he so much misses that he fails to see the grown man Jason's become, all the while not changing himself to accommodate others.

And you see the things they never see

All you wanted I could be

Now you know me and I'm not afraid

And I wanna tell you who I am

Can you help me be a man

They can't break me

As long as I know who I am

In verse 3 I want to say it could be Alfred in this since he seems to be the only to rightfully defend him without a second thought, Alfred sees Jason as the man he is today not the boy who died, not the madman he was but the present day Jason who's trying to be the best man he can, and Jason loves Alfred for who he is, he's the only one who Jason actually listens to even with all the selfdepracting things he does to himself. He wholeheartedly trust Alfred. And "They" being the batfam, can't break away from his goal. So long as he knows who he is and what's real and what's a hallucination he'll be able to do what he thinks is best for Gotham and the people who's life's have been lost or will be lost because of all the villians Batman refuses to take care of

They can't tell me who to be

Cause I'm not what they see

Yeah, the world is still sleeping

While I keep on dreaming for me

And their words are just whispers and lies

That I'll never believe

The bridge is Jason refusing to be like the rest of the bats, simply following orders to the T, him wanting to do what he thinks is best for Gotham and it's people for the smaller ones who aren't protected by Batman and Robin the ones who have been hurt by villians and avenged. And "They" being the Batfam again not seeing pass the old Jason and treating him like a wounded animal. He keeps trying to do the right thing, for the people for the ones whose lives have been lost by the hands of the Joker and will be lost if they don't put a stop to it permanently. "their words are just whispers and lies That I'll never believe" that could be Bruce trying to convince Jason that "we can fix this" all while Jason is like "You can't fix what's not broken" or "it's too late for that" and even though he wants to so badly believe what Bruce is saying is true he knows that's never going to happen because somewhere some god is playing and toying with his life like some sad sick joke that everything has to go to hell somehow. He feels like anything good he has in his life won't last since nothing has shown him to be the contrary which is why he has attachment issues and trust issues. So he already has that mentality that things just won't go his way and never will and that no one will ever pick him over someone else, that he's just a fuck up without a remedy and that'll always be the same because he's the [self proclaim] black sheep of the family.

I'll just leave that there....

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emotionalcello-makefanfics · 6 years ago

Link

WARNING : Not Beta Read. Sorry if there’s a mistake.

Click link to read on AO3. Click Keep Reading to read on tumblr~~

Chapter 1 2 3 4 6(end)

Chapter 5

Word Count : 5k

Alfred drove him back to the hospital after his time was up. Jason thanked the old man that gave him his crutch and clothes and gave them back.

The next day, Mrs. Knope came to visit him at the hospital. She looked worried sick and wrapped Jason in a hug the second she saw him. Jason had apologized instantly, about the mess and his absence and that Jason can’t say anything about it. The old woman just gave an understanding smile and a pat on the shoulder, as if she knew. Someone must’ve brief her, and Jason hoped it’s not Batman bursting through the window to let her know.

“You saved a life Jason, and I’m proud of you for that, I knew you’re a good kid,” she said, while rubbing the top of Jason’s head.

It felt good to be complimented. He didn’t remember when someone said they’re proud of him while being pat on the head.

Jason felt awkward about his leg. Still feels like it’s there, and the days in the hospital felt dreadful. He hated the hospital and the sick and dying people in it. After 8 weeks and his stub is deemed to be fully healed, he bolts out.

When it was time to check out, Jason had thought Mrs. Knope paid for his hospital bills, but she didn’t. She just said someone else did, ‘a hero helping a hero,’ she said, and it can’t be any more obvious, but Jason just went with it and say good riddance to the cursed place.

Jason lost all of his calf, and they amputated above his knees. The doctor said it was heavily infected and in no way saving and he had lost too much blood. Something technical was said and Jason hadn’t paid much attention. What’s done is done, it’s not like he makes money with his legs. He still has his hands, he’ll work it out.

Just when he thought of getting prosthetic right away, a prosthetic leg arrived at his home right when he arrived back home to Mrs. Knope’s place. Inside is a note from Alfred, saying thank you and his signature.

There’s a manual inside the box where the leg is. It said it’s a C-leg prosthetic. There’s a rotator on where his knees supposed to be. The body of the leg is matte black, and on the top, typed in small letters spelled ‘ottoback’.

Following the instruction, Jason put it on while he still has a stump shrinker on. The socket is cozy and snugly fit on his stump. His healed stump still felt a bit raw, but he tried it on anyway. It feels okay. It feels enough. Though, it’s eerily a perfect fit. How Alfred got his measures correctly is something he’d rather not think about too much.

Mrs. Knope had wanted him to rest more, but Jason became restless. He’s been laying in bed for two months, and he’s sick of doing nothing. Mrs. Knope agreed, on a condition that he attend rehabilitation for new amputees, also paid by ‘a mysterious benefactor’ Mrs. Knope said while giggling. In defeat, Jason did, which turns out to be very helpful to take care of his stump and how to walk in his new prosthetic.

It’s different with a prosthetic leg, or no leg at all. Sometimes he still freaks out seeing his leg is not there when he could feel it there. Sometimes it hurts when there’s no injury at all. The rehabilitator told him about the phantom limb pain, and how to deal with it. It’s anything but easy, but Jason still pays not much mind to it.

Agreeing to the rehabilitation, Mrs. Knope gave Jason work just as he wanted. But only half-day and the other half is for his rehabilitation. He doesn’t work a lot going under the car, just engines stuff, while he leads the newcomer. And he always sits, barely moving.

When he’s finally settled with his new daily routine, the months that passed by felt like flipping pages with the same words. Jason experienced his monotonous days with growing numbness. Just absentmindedly going through the day.

He sleeps at 11 pm, wakes up at 8 am, cook breakfast for him and Mrs. Knope. Work until 2 PM and goes to the rehabilitation center after a shower. Then he goes back home, cooks dinner, kills some time until it’s time to sleep. So and so, on repeat.

In the span of months, Jason feels nothing. No call from Alfred who’ll tell him if Tim wakes up. No reply back from Tim, if he’s already wake up. So, Jason waits, and while he waits, nothing feels like they matter more. Not the pain, not the nightmares, not his leg, the only thing that matters is far from his reach and all he can do is wait.

One day, after going back from the rehabilitation center, he takes a walk to the center of crime alley. Buy a sloppy joe and his feet carries him to a familiar building. No one guards the place. He used to go up to the roof and eat here, with Tim.

He eats there, alone. Hoping that he feels something. Hope.

Looking down to his feet and the ground 5 stories below, and feel a gaping hole in his chest digging deeper.

“Hey.”

Jason doesn’t even need to look back to know who’s calling him. Without replying, he sits beside Jason.

“Why are you here?” Jason asked.

Superboy doesn’t reply immediately, his handsome face twisted confusedly.

“This will sound creepy...”

“I’ve seen the Joker beat the fuck out of my leg while moaning, nothing you’ll do will out creep me.”

Kon grimaced, “That’s fucked up, and I’ve seen fucked up things.”

“Yeah.”

“Did you regret it?”

Jason looks at Superboy in the face, “No, but I’m never doing that again, I got out of these streets for a reason.”

Superboy seems confused, and Jason doesn’t feel like explaining himself.

“So, I’m here because... well, sometimes I checked up on you,” Superboy says instead.

“What does that mean?”

“I listen to you, like hearing you from afar, your heartbeat, your voice,” the hero looks down and shy away the more he said.

Feeling like his privacy is invaded, Jason narrowed his eyes, “Why?”

“I don’t know, you seem miserable, and I just wanted you to be okay.”

“I’m not okay, my best friend is in a coma,” Jason says flatly.

“He’ll wake up Jason.”

“Is one of your superpowers to know that too?” Jason says curtly.

“Look, I get that you’re sad, I’m sad too, but Batman has access to all the advanced tech and best doctors the world has to offer. They might not have the best impression for you, but they love Tim. So, I know he’s in good hands, and they’ll doing everything they can to get Tim better.”

Jason balled his fist, then lets out an amused laugh, “Yeah, yeah you’re right sunshine.”

Superboy looks surprised, and then he ducks his head as if hiding his face, “Name’s Kon by the way, short for Connor Kent. Just Kon is cool.”

Jason scoffed, “Do supers gave out their names this easily?”

“I figured you’ll know sooner or later anyway.”

“Guess so, Jason, but I bet you already knew.”

“I did, not from kind mouths though.”

“They still bad mouthing me there?” there as in Wayne Manor.

“More like thinking of what should be done about you.”

“Heh, creepy. What’s taking them so long then?”

“Alfred, me, and Oracle apparently. We want to leave you be, but most of them want you to get a trial.”

Jason cocked an eyebrow, “For?”

“Killing the Joker,” Kon admits, he looks ashamed. There’s a pregnant pause between them, and then Jason’s laugh breaks the silence.

“That’s classic Batman!”

“You’re not angry?” Kon asked, dumbfounded.

“More like pissed, but they can’t do anything to me. They wanna do what? Kill me? Lock me up? Let me guess, they’re afraid I’ll blabber about their identity.”

“Yup.”

“They decided whether or not to bring me down and not what to do if I fight back?” Jason amusedly laughs, “They think they can win, they think I won’t fight back, dirty.”

Kon chuckled, “Some balls you got there.”

“Takes a pair to grow up on these streets.”

“Yeah... I never liked this city.”

“Way different from Metropolis?”

“Like black and white.”

With a huff of breath, Jason looks up to the reddish sky, “Why are you really here, Kon?”

The superhero didn’t reply for a while, then he takes a deep breath, “I know you love him too.”

Jason’s whole body tensed, instinctively grits his teeth and froze.

“So, I was wondering, if you’d like to see Tim? I’ll come with you, they’ll have to let you in.”

Jason game Kon an incredulous look, “Why?”

“What do you mean why? If I was not allowed to see Tim for months I would’ve gone crazy too.”

Jason glares at the super, “No! Why are you not angry? Or be awkward? Or anything? I’m in lo- like, I’m talking about your soulmate!” he barked.

“And what’s wrong with that??” Kon barks back, “Do you expect me to be jealous? Grow up!”

“Wha-” Jason stutters, perplexed. His blood boils all the way to his head and he quickly stands up, “If all you want is to rub your oh-so-perfect unbreakable soulbond on my face, then just leave me alone!”

Jason quickly straightens his prosthetic leg and walks away.

Kon quickly flies in front of him before he can get to the door, “That’s not what I meant!”

“Get away from me!” Jason pushed, but Kon didn’t move an inch. So, Jason quickly walks around him.

“Listen to me, Jason!”

“I hear enough about you!”

Before Jason can get to the stairs, a pair of arms wrap around his chest tightly and he is lifted up to the air.

“AAH! Get me the fuck down!” Jason fights, pounding Kon’s chest and struggle away from his steel grip.

Then the air gets colder, Kon doesn’t stop flying them both up. Ascending rapidly to the sky, the land under his feet grows further, and Jason shivered.

He quickly grabs Kon’s shoulder when he begins to see the whole city below.

Jason glares at Kon, grabbing his crew neck collar, “The fuck are you-”

“I’m sorry! I used to do this when I fight with Tim and gets him to listen to me. This usually calms him?”

“CALMS HIM? He can get down even if he falls from space! But if I let go then I’m dead!”

“I won’t let that happen,” Kon sighed, his arms firmly wrap around Jason’s torso, and Jason steps his good foot on top of Kon’s while his prosthetic flails around. “But I guess this works too... look.”

Jason glares at Kon, which face is suddenly too close for comfort. They’re pressed body to body in mid-air, and Jason got nowhere to go besides down.

Finally, Jason sighed defeatedly, “What do you want, Kon?”

“You love him, don’t you?”

Jason’s lips twitched, “So what if I do?”

“Well... I uh, nothing really.” Kon shakes his head, “No, that’s not what I wanted to say... I’m just, you have to tell him that!”

Jason is now bewildered, “And why the fuck should I do that?”

“Why not?” Kon, the sweet sunshine and kinda stupid Kon, the jock but airhead type Kon, asked innocently, and Jason is livid.

“I know he’s gonna reject me! Why bother to say it just get hurt, and it’ll be awkward between us! I don’t want him to... to leave, or ignore me!”

“Tim won’t do that!”

“But it’ll still be awkward you insensitive a-hole! Things are hard enough seeing you all lovey-dovey with him I don’t...” Jason shuts his lips tight. His heart is beating like crazy, and it’s just so awkward to talk about shit like this, especially to Kon because... well, he’s Kon!

“I know Tim won’t leave me for you,” Kon confessed, and it angers Jason how he agrees with Kon, “But, I don’t think he’s gonna leave you for me either. He has one of those twinkly eyes whenever he talks about you”

Jason paused for a while and somehow remained eye contact with Kon, who’s now looked worried.

“Jason are you-”

“I know about the twinkly eyes, but he has them only at animes, and you of course, but mostly animes, you know?”

Kon nods, wholly agreeing.

“Tim... has issues, self-worth issues, it makes him work all the time, and it’s scary to look at.”

Now, it’s Jason that wholly agrees, “Tell me about it.”

“Even I can see that you love him earnestly,” Kon brings it up again, but this time, Jason really felt Kon is just being sincere, “So, I thought, Tim will be happy if he knows, that someone can choose to love him, not out of obligation, not just because a soul mark told them to.”

Jason blinks, “Is that what he says to you?”

“At first. It’s hard to get through to him, but eventually, I did.” Kon’s arms tighten around him, and his head drops down, almost touching Jason’s shoulder, “I love Tim, and then he says things like that... I just want him to be happy, you know? He’s too selfless at times. He’s giving too much for the city that will never give back to him.”

Kon lifts his head and gave a soft smile for Jason. His piercing blue eyes are earnest and kind that even Jason is caught off guard by the sudden fondness. Jason was right, Kon is much more handsome smiling. What a dangerous power, even Jason’s heart leaped when Kon sees him like that.

“The way he talks about you, and the way you look at him, even though you guys are not bound with a soul mark, I thought you guys will be good with each other. Now that I’ve met you, I know.”

Kon beams his smile, so bright that Jason winced a little. Jason balled his fists on Kon’s back.

“And you’re cool with that?” Jason asked.

“For Tim? Anything.”

Then, they just float in the air. Even though he knows they are practically embracing, but he’d like to not fall to death. And this isn’t so bad.

Jason feels less conscious now over Kon’s arms holding his waist tightly and his taut abs pressing against his stomach. The warmth and heartbeat felt through his jacket are growing comfortable.

Kon doesn’t seem like he minds. He kept his hands wrapped securely, and his eyes look up, while Jason’s looks down. Avoiding eye contact is the only space they get up there.

The city below is debatably pretty. Lights from far away mimicking the stars are always pretty, but the fog covers some parts of it, and some parts are questionably dark.

The light and the dark, Jason had always lived in the latter’s part. For most of his childhood, the world consists of that darkness, it was his whole life, but it felt so small from where is. Just a tiny dot among many others.

“I guess this is calming,” Jason says.

“Yeah, it can be.”

Then they float a little longer. Jason never flew before, much less being carried by someone that can fly. He can understand why Tim would find this relaxing.

Sometimes, when all you see is the dark side when all that you’ve seen is the nasty and bad part for all your life, your perception of the world gets twisted. Because that’s all you know, that’s all you’ve seen. Yet, from up here, Jason’s ‘whole world’ is just a part of something bigger, something better.

It makes Jason feels something.

Feelings like hope.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“You don’t have to do that, just so you know,” Jason reminded when Kon finally lowers him down and his feet finally touched the ground at the back of Mrs. Knope’s garage.

“I know, but please keep my number, if you change your mind about slipping you into the manor, just give me a call. Or if you just want to hang out,” Kon shrugged, “I’m down for doing anything.”

For a moment, Jason contemplates if Kon is doing this out of pity again, but one look at Kon’s face changed his mind. Kon is not doing this for Jason.

“Fine,” Jason finds himself agreeing.

Kon beams happily and spreads his arms, and Jason just complies without much protest. He’s not crushed under super strength this time, but he’s being held closely and preciously. Kon looks like he was on the verge of tears before Jason hugs him.

Kon is not doing this for Jason, he’s doing it for himself. Once again, Jason is reminded that he’s not the only one terribly affected by what happened to Tim.

Somehow, Jason gets it, maybe he’ll do it for himself too.

++++++++

Nightmares aren’t something new for Jason. People get nightmares, Jason is not an exception, and most of them are about Tim. Often caused by, well, Tim’s night time job. Recently it’s getting bad, Jason still can’t wash away the feeling of Tim’s limp body on his arms, and it keeps replaying how Joker broke his leg, then his leg will hurt as if also remembering. Lately, his dreams are always about one thing, that Jason is too late and the Joker killed Tim.

He’s used to that now, six months have passed since the incident. Whenever he woke up in his room and sees his leg, he knows that the Joker is dead, and Tim is alive.

Someone is knocking on his window, his room is on the second floor. And of course, it’s Kon in hoodies and jeans. Jason put on his leg and walk over to the window.

“You did not just fly here in civvies,” Jason commented and opened his window.

“I-uh, run here?” then he flies inside the room.

Jason gave him a look and Kon just smiled sheepishly.

“Can I help you?” Jason crosses his arms.

“I heard you were screaming.”

“You heard- I-...” Jason sighed and rolled his eyes, “I thought we agreed on the no spying thing.”

“I’m sorry! I can’t help it. After Tim, I just can’t. So I tuned to you sometimes.” Kon looks like a kicked puppy, with his red-rimmed eyes like he hasn’t stopped crying from when he last saw him.

Jason sighed defeatedly, “Go sit on the bed, I’m gonna make tea.”

“Thank you.”

Leaving the dejected Kon in his room, he goes downstairs and makes tea, while contemplating the turns of events in his life.

Heat is creeping up his neck and spreading on his face. What is with Kon and that kicked puppy look. Jason was so close to kicking him out and then the man just looks at him with downturned eyes and looks like he just cried.

Does Kon have nightmares too? He wanders. Kon is always all smiles and positive, but what he just sees is anything but.

“Hope you like sleepytime.” Jason walks into his room, to see Kon is the same exact position.

“That’s nice, thanks.”

They sit side by side, blowing their tea before sipping them slightly.

“You got nightmares too?” Jason started.

And Kon just shrugged, “Will be weird if I don’t, comes with the hero lifestyle, but lately... you know, Tim.”

“Ah, of course, I got it.” Jason takes small sips of his tea, leaning his back against the headboard, looking at Kon who also silently sipping tea, sitting the foot of his bed.

“Can I sleepover?” Kon said, and honestly, that’s too much awkward energy to sleep tightly.

“What wrong with your own place?”

“I just don’t want to be alone, tonight.”

Jason understands that one, but still...

“What about your friends?”

“They’re not you.”

Jason cocked an eyebrow, “Look, I know I lost a leg, doesn’t mean I can’t stab a bitch in defense.”

“Please?” Kon looks at him with that kicked puppy look again, and Jason finally melts.

“Fine..”

Kon immediately beams, finally smiling after what it looks like a long time.

“I got no couch for you to crash on, so we’re sleeping on our sides.”

“Okay,” Kon enthusiastically agree.

Jason gave Kon a pair of his sleepwear, which fits surprisingly well. Both men are relatively big, and sleeping on a single bed obviously is too small for them, but no one is protesting. They’re both facing away from each other, trying to not have any physical contact, as much as they can anyway.

Jason felt conscious of the other body on his bed, the warmth, the silent sound of breathing and his presence. Yet somehow Jason doesn’t mind it. Still hard to sleep after he’s fully awake from the dream and Kon’s invasion.

“Is it okay if I ask about your nightmare?” Kon asked.

“What’s it to you?”

“I can’t sleep.”

Don’t know why Kon wanted to know, it’s not exactly a bedtime story material, but Jason can’t sleep too.

“It’s about Tim. Most of it is always about Tim, but I’m used to it, so don’t bother coming here again just because I screamed in the middle of the night.”

“You’re used to it?”

“I’ve had bad dreams about Tim ever since he became Robin, it gets worse because of the incident. You might be invincible, but Tim’s not. He’s human, and humans are fragile, so easy to kill, so easy to manipulate. I got... sometimes I got a panic attack whenever I see Tim on TV, it was amazing how he can beat enemies hundreds of times bigger than him, crimelords, aliens, and I’m amazed, I do... but he’s just Tim. He’s human.”

“I know how you feel Jason, I understand that the people that love us are worried sick about us putting ourselves in danger. But we’re not alone. We’re in teams, we got each other’s back. Tim has his family of vigilantes, who are all geniuses and master fighters.”

“Where were they then when I found him?” Jason hissed, but Kon doesn’t faze.

“Well, that’s why he got you, right? You’re human too, but you kill the Joker, and man was that badass, to be honest, I was starstruck when I hear the story of how you find him. You just literally stole Batman’s other identities and kill one of the most dangerous villains that ever lived.”

Jason chuckles dryly, feeling awkward over the compliment.

“It’s really poetic!” Kon suddenly sounds fired up, “To think that the Joker, a genocidal villain that kills helpless civilians for his own selfish games against his victim’s protector, who draw the lines at killing the villain that treats the very people he swore to protect as nothing but disposable pawns, is killed by none other than one of the ‘helpless’ civilians. The hero was never the protector, but it is the will and bravery of the victim.” His voice said is as if reciting a synopsis of a movie, intimately.

The civilian, Jason, lightly chuckles, “Calm down Shakespeare, it’s not that deep.”

“It is though if you think about it.”

Yes, it is, and who knew Kon has whatever mode that was. But Jason be damned if he admits he’s a hero. Jason is not a hero, he’s just protecting a person precious to him. And there’s no way he won't kill the Joker who can and will do that again to Tim. It’s just common sense, not a heroic act. He’s just not as good as Kon said he is.

“Whatever sunshine, Tim’s gonna kill me when he wakes up if he knew I kill someone in his name, he doesn’t like that shit.”

“Yeah, but if you didn’t I would’ve.”

“You would?” Jason asked, honestly surprised.

“Yeah... out of anger. If I had thought he killed Tim.” Jason felt that. “I don’t know what I’d do if Tim died,” Kon continued.

“Me too.”

Jason sighed and turns around, “Come here.”

Kon does so without another word and wraps his bulky arms around Jason’s torso, holding him close. Jason is lying on his back, with one arm around Kon’s shoulder as the super lay his head on his shoulder and the other is holding on Kon’s arm on top of his chest.

How did they end up like this, Jason doesn’t know, but it’s not so bad. His heart is racing now, for whatever reason. His decision was instinctive. Suddenly he just wanted to have Kon close to him.

Just like this.

To be held preciously, closely, like the arms around him will never let him go.

Ever since Kon held him when they fly, Jason hasn’t been able to forget how it felt to be held that way. And now, Kon is here again. If he’s being completely honest, he’s not that upset when Kon flies over today.

This feels nice, this feels more than nice.

“Your heart is beating fast Jason,” Kon stated.

“Stop spying on me!” Jason scolded, but his hand instinctively clenched.

Kon only giggles, held him even closer and face tucked into Jason’s neck, which sends another fuel to his already racing heart.

So, he breaths in and out, trying to calm himself, and he smells the same scent of baby powder as Tim from Kon’s hair.

“You smell like Tim,” Jason loosely stated.

“Baby powder, right?”

“Yeah, is it some fancy brand or something?”

“No, it’s Johnson’s baby powder, the blue one.”

“Huh, and you’re wearing the same one because?”

“Because... I miss him?”

“Wow, you’re really miserable huh?”

“Is it that obvious?” Kon nuzzles himself closer, squeezing even tighter, and thankfully, not too deathly tight.

“Kind of, but yeah, me too buddy.” Jason rubs Kon’s head, and close his eyes. Letting Kon’s heartbeat and the scent of baby powder lull him to sleep.

+++++++++

Kon texted him to meet after he’s done work today, and Jason finishes up early right away. When Jason texted back that he’s already done, Kon arrived in his room in an instant, bringing a gush of wind with him.

“What’s going on?”

Kon seems to be caught off guard seeing Jason restless.

“I just, wanted to see you?”

Jason blinks, then just deflated, “Then don’t sound like there’s an emergency!”

“How do I sound over text?”

Kon got a point, Jason was making it up in his head, out of context, the text ‘Can I see you today?’ doesn’t sound so threatening now. What was he thinking when Kon texted him? Jason can’t remember now.

“Whatever,” Jason dismissed, “Why do you want to see me?”

“I just do, is that wrong?”

“It’s not wrong but it’s definitely weird.”

“Why is that?”

“Are we even friends to begin with?”

“I... I’d like to think so....”

His eyes narrowed at his friend(?). It’s not that Kon is a bad company, it’s... no, it’s just a surprise that’s all. At first, it was so weird to interact more with Kon than he should, but Kon is... refreshing. He’s good. Like a ray of sunshine and without a shadow.

“I guess we kind of is,” Jason found himself agreeing, who knows why.

Never did he ever hated Kon for being with Tim. Jealous, maybe, but never hate.

“What do you want to do?” Jason crosses his arms, “I gotta shower first though,” Then starting to peel off his clothes as soon as he steps into his bathroom.

“I don’t know honestly, I just don’t want to be alone.”

Sighing, Jason steps back outside the bathroom in his boxers, “Is that your real reason?”

The super stood up straight at seeing Jason, and he can feel his eyes darted at his stomach, his face, then his stomach again, then finally looks away flusteredly.

“You have friends and family, why are you looking for me?”

An unsure frown shows on his face, somehow even the frown still makes Kon looks boyishly beautiful, what a terrifyingly powerful being.

“Is having someone enjoying your company so unbelievable?” Kon counters with a question instead, something Jason picks up from Kon’s habits.

“I’m not exactly nice to you, sunshine,” Jason amusedly chuckled.

“Sunshine you said, I wish I can be that at all times,” then Kon looks down at his fingers that play with each other as if thinking of the past.

“No one is a ray of sunshine all the time, but you looked like you try anyway, and you know what? It’s appreciated, you got a killer smile.” Jason steps forward and gave Kon a pat on the cheek without thinking twice.

He thought he should’ve when he sees Kon’s face suddenly blooms in red.

“Why are you-”

“You’re half-naked! And too close!” Kon steps back, and met Jason’s table and knocks down a few books and pencils.

Jason cocked an eyebrow, he had heard some people are not used to nudity, but there’s no way Kon is that pure.

But it’s none of his business anyway.

“Okay?” Jason goes back to the bathroom, and hear Kon sighed exasperatedly. “You better have an idea where you’re taking me after I’m done showering.”

“Okay!”

In the end, they go to the diner Jason and Tim frequent to. It makes Jason misses Tim even more, but for once, going back to the place he’s gone to with Tim doesn’t pinch anymore. Not with Kon being himself. Even though only a few weeks ago he was on the verge of tears and breaking down, look at him smile now. He smiles so brightly that it makes Jason’s stomach heats up.

Sunshine indeed.

That night, Jason found himself smiling and having fun for the first time in a while. And he doesn’t want it to end just yet.

“You’re going back home?” Jason casually slides the question, but whatever tone he said it with made Kon blushed from the neck up.

“I’m... Can I stay with you?”

Jason is not stupid, he knows why Kon is flustered and all blushed up. Still, he can’t believe his eyes. Something wicked inside him takes over instead.

His hand reaches out to Kon’s cheek, and tap it twice, “You can always stay with me,” Jason says with his low and inviting voice. Poor Kon combusts right away, and Jason cackles uncontrollably, holding his stomach as he goes.

“Yo-You’re playing with me!” Kon shouts, and Jason still can’t stop laughing.

“Don’t be too mad sunshine,” Jason wraps Kon on the shoulder after seeing the super sulks, “I’ll let you win at Splendor if you’d cheered up.”

“Don’t get cocky! I’ll make it that you’ll never buy the cards you want ever again!”

Jason laughed again. Despite the sulking, Kon does stay over. His clothes are left there in Jason’s cabinet and he doesn’t remember when he starts leaving them there. They play Splendor, and of course, Jason wins again. They watch an episode of a series they’ve been watching on Jason’s phone because none of them owns a tablet or a laptop.

While watching their guilty pleasures on a suffocatingly small screen and eating yesterday’s leftover take out, they lay on Jason’s single bed comfortably while making comments about the series they just watched. And Kon is colorful in his description and it’s either left Jason disgusted or amused. Whichever it is, Jason is never bored with Kon.

As he looks at Kon in his bed, who’s shredding Derek Hale to pieces from being too broody, he wonders, when was it that being with Kon starting to feel this natural.

++++++++++

#jaytimweek #jaytimbingo2019 #jaytimfanfic #emocel's

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ellana-ravenwood · 8 years ago

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The day they almost lost you - Batfam x Batsis (reader)

This is the PERFECT exemple of a request I received only a few days ago and will write before others I have received months ago purely because it inspires me a lot <3. Sorry if you send a requests like, six months ago and I still haven’t written it...Again, I really work on things that inspires me the most so it totally depends on the day and mood...Like for example right now, I miss my little 3 years old nephew and I could definitely write a story with a toddler in it ! So here we go, hope you guys will like it :

You can find my masterlist here : @ella-ravenwood-archives

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-Remember that time you lost me in the biggest mall in Gotham ?

-Oh my God (Y/N), how many times are you gonna remind that to us ?! Besides, you weren’t even two, you don’t actually remember it yourself...

You smile as you look at your older brother, Damian, mumbling something else you didn’t understand but that looked a lot like “and we found you anyway so...”, and shake your head.

You had heard that story a billion times, and you never really got tired of it.

Your brothers were suppose to keep an eye on you while your father was busy, and they had lost you in one of the busiest place in the entire city...Oh yes, how could you be tired of that ?

Whenever your four older brothers would annoy you, or be overprotective (which, not very surprisingly, happened a lot), like right now, as they were bitching about your boyfriend, Conner (Superman’s clone, and also your brother Tim’s best friend...needless to say, when your family heard you were dating him, they were a bit taken aback, arguing he was too old for you but...technically, you were actually a bit older than him, as when he was “born”, you were already four months old, and besides, you did whatever the Hell you wanted anyway), you would re-tell them the story as you heard it so many times (from Alfred mainly), and they’d instantly leave you alone, still feeling guilty about the all ordeal.

Sometimes though, you felt that maybe, it was that episode that made them so damn overprotective of you...Damian was right, you weren’t even two years old when everything happened, and you didn’t remember a thing but, even so, you still knew it was a big deal.

Because that day...Well, that day, you almost died.

************

Years earlier, the day of your birth :

Bruce Wayne’s life was already quite complicated.

Four boys (three of them being in their teenaged years, a goddamn nightmare), his Batman activities, Wayne Inc and...Selina Kyle.

Oh Selina Kyle.

She never made his life easier, even though he’ve almost always been in love with her...Whenever she was around, he could be sure that he would be in for quite a ride. And he loved it.

But nothing, NOTHING, prepared him for something THAT complicated.

Nothing could have prepared him for the hurricane that was about to hit his life...You. Or rather, a very pregnant Selina bursting into Wayne Manor, screaming that she was about to give birth to his daughter.

It wasn’t really unusual, that Bruce wouldn’t see the Catwoman for months. Once, they even didn’t see each other for over five years...So when she disappeared about nine months ago, he didn’t really pay much attention to it, expecting her to come back one day and turn his life upside down again...And oh he was right.

And this is the night everything began, this is the night everything became VERY complicated. The night Selina Kyle bursted into Wayne Manor, about to give birth to a baby, stating that it was Bruce’s (and though it would have had torn his heart away that you weren’t his, he still got a paternity test to make sure and...There were 99.99% chances that you were his daughter).

She left you there, saying that she “thought she could do it, but actually just couldn’t...”, even though she didn’t actually try and...Well, the Wayne family gained a new child. A little girl that was born without a single cry, her eyes already trying to open and see everything, already too damn curious...

And though his life became ten times more complicated, Bruce Wayne wouldn’t have it any other way. This time, he was extremely happy that Selina Kyle came in to complicate the hell out of his life, because this time, she brought you...

(Y/N) Wayne. His precious little girl.

And oh you were such a sweet baby, that it didn’t took long for the entire family to adore you beyond all measure (your father can never stop smiling when he recalls the times Damian would hold you in his arm, and refuse to give you to ANYONE because he was too afraid they’d hurt you in anyway...it wasn’t that funny though, when he ran after him in the entire Manor, because Damian refused to give you to him so he could give you a bath and put you to bed, arguing that you didn’t like water and that it would make you cry...He wasn’t wrong though, as a baby, you absolutely hated to take your bath, crying your lungs out whenever your dad would softly and delicately lay you in the water, and Damian just couldn’t handle your cries...Damn that boy).

When you reached about four years old, your mother came back in your life, this time to stay but...That was another story. For now, you were recalling that time your brothers lost you in a mall, and you almost died.

************

Four months before your second birthday :

It was going to be easy peasy. After all, you were such a nice and well behaved child, that...Really, what could happen ?

You were the sweetest kid they ever met, and they weren’t saying that just because you were their adorable precious little sister, oh no, you were actually exceptionally cute and calm...You had just one big flaw.

Already at that age, you were just too damn curious. And that day, as they thought everything would be a piece of cake, your curiosity was going to be the cause of a lot of troubles...

But for now, you were in Dick’s arms, in Wayne Manor’s lobby, giggling as he was throwing you into the air and catching you last minute.

-Dick, stop that please. You know I ha...OH MY GOD DON’T DROP HER ! ...Uh. Every time.

Dick’s (and the rest of your brothers’ really) laugh answers your dad’s worried comment. Yes. The eldest of the Wayne boys knew damn well how his father hated when he threw you into the air like that. Which is exactly why he did it.

Besides, you absolutely loved it ! And when you’d run to him (still a bit unsure in your footing as you were pretty new to this all walking thing) and point at the ceiling, with a huge smile plastered on your face...how could he resist you ?

You make a little displeased noise as your dad gets you back from your brother’s arms (why did the flying stopped ?!), but as soon as you realize you’re in your dada’s arms ? Oh everything is fine again, and you burst out in laughter for seemingly no reasons, grabbing his clean shaved face in your tiny hands.

Bruce feels like he’s melting as you caress his cheeks thoughtfully and say, pretty sure of yourself : “dada”. He turns towards his sons and...He can’t do it. He can’t leave you in their care. He knows it’s stupid, they already took care of you but...never for a full day !

He suddenly regrets giving Alfred this full day off while he had that many meetings. And he can’t do it. He just can’t leave you...It’s the first time his boys will have such a responsibility (well, you know, if we ignore the fact that they saved the World a bunch of times and all).

-Ok I’m not sure this is a good idea, maybe I can just bring her with me and...

-Dad, you know you can’t. Just relax, she’ll be fine with us ! We’ll take her to the park and we’ll have fun. Right (Y/N) ?

You turn your head as you hear your name, and smile at the one who spoke, Jason (or “Heyson” like you called him), one of the person you love the most in the World and though you didn’t even hear what he said, you just move your little body excitedly. They all take that as a “yes, let’s go to the park and have fun”, while really, you were just happy to see your brother (even though you saw him but fifteen seconds before).

-See, she agrees. Come on dad, let her go a little bit, it’s not healthy for you to not be able to let go like that you know...

Bruce narrows his eyes at his son, and the smirk on Jason’s face is enough to know that all of them, right now, are just messing with him. But...

That damn boy has a point.

Because the life you’re doomed to live, even though he’ll try to shield you the best he can from any harm and darkness, well, the life you’re doomed to live won’t be easy. And there’s a high chance that one day, he won’t be there to help you (he was hoping with all his might that it just meant he would be busy, and not...dead, because he knew the pain of loosing a parent, and thinking about you and your brothers living through this (again for Dick, Jason and Tim...) broke his heart).

One day, he’d have to let you go, and if he couldn’t even leave you with some of the people he trusted the most, his sons...Then none of you would go anywhere. It wasn’t such a big deal really. It was just a day of taking care of you. Slowly, he took you away from his chest (you had laid your head on it, ready to fall asleep, as usually, when your dada was holding you like that it meant nap time, and, well, you could always go for a nap really ! But he was taking you away, which meant...nap later then, ok !), his arms un-tightening from around you, and he gave you to Tim, who was the closest.

Bruce could’ve sworn that you nodded in agreement, as if you were totally fine to change from your dada’s arms to your loving brother’s (and you were), and it reassured him a bit.

Yes. He could trust his boys. They would take good care of you while Alfred took a well deserved day off, and he would sort important things at Wayne inc. Yes. Yes he could trust his boys.

Besides, you were such an easy kid, really, what’s the worst that could happen ?

************

-Oh my God...Where is (Y/N) ?

It started out so well.

Your father finally left.

He looked approximatively three hundred times behind him as he was leaving the house, to check if you were still OK...Every time, his gaze was greeted by his sons rolling their eyes at him, and you, still in Tim’s arms, waving at him excitedly saying “i i Dada” which definitely meant “Bye Bye dad”, in your cute baby voice.

But he finally left. And your brothers were getting you ready so you could go out. And oh yes you were such a nice kid.

Jason put your cute little dark blue frock coat on you, and you let him do it without moving much, even raising your arms to help him, smiling to any of your brothers whenever your eyes met theirs.

You sat on the couch, calm and definitely well behaved, as Dick and Damian put your favorite shoes (a tiny pair of red Doc Marteens) on your feet, lifting your legs one by one to make their task easier, and pushing your little feet in the shoes instead of letting your brothers struggle with it for ages (putting shoes on a toddler that didn't understand he/she had to help by pushing their feet in the shoe was a nightmare... fortunately for them you understood that a little while ago. Oh and when you didn’t want to go out you would make it so difficult for anyone to put your shoes on ! Great that today you did want to go out ! You were an easy and nice kid, but oh man when you didn’t want to do something, it was rather difficult to force you without you not putting a fight...Definitely your father’s daughter).

You patted lovingly your brothers’ heads as they were putting your shoes on, and they felt like they were melting...Jason and Tim, who were looking at the scene, retained the “aaaawww” they wanted to let out (they had a tough guy reputation to maintain !), but when you turned your head to them, and smiled candidly, they couldn’t help but felt a surge of : “I have to protect that little one at all cost”...It happened a lot really, when you were around, that they’d get very suspicious of anyone they didn’t really know approaching you. Probably, your father’s paranoia about your safety (though it wasn’t really paranoia, your life would never be easy with a dad like that...) definitely infected your brothers too !

Yes. Things started pretty good. It was ten thirty in the morning when they left, with you all suited up for the mild cold outside.

They secured you in your Batman car seat (through the years, a “Batman” brand was developed, to your father’s great displeasure, and of course without his consent. And when Alfred went, one day, with you, getting a new car seat that was adapted to your size...Well according to the butler you wouldn’t keep your eyes off of the Batman one, and would cry whenever he would pick another one up, so he decided to buy it. Bruce was pretty sure that it wasn’t what happened...though whenever you saw something Batman related, you beamed and hugged it against your heart, which was quite interesting really. You were way too young to even understand the fact that your dad could be the Batman, so...yeah, it was interesting).

You spend almost two hours at the park without any remarkable incident. You fell off the slide, face first, but when your four brothers ran to check on you...you were already up and about on your feet and climbing the stairs back to go on the slide again.

You picked up a few chestnut that fell on the floor, and stuffed all of them in your brother’s pockets...They let you do it, with a small smile on their faces.

Damian gave you a piggy back ride around the park, running as fast as he could, and your laughter resonated in the entire place.

They decided to leave because it was lunch time, and also because they could spot a few damn paparazzi starting to gather around, and they’d be damn if they’d let them take any pictures of their little one !

There weren’t a lot of public pictures of you, because your dad, Alfred or your brothers would always make sure to shield you...The only pictures in papers, were usually official ones. You’d been elected “cutest baby of the year” last year, and would probably win again this year. No one could resist your cuteness, and you were a Wayne so...

************

Tim wanted burgers, Damian wanted falafels, Jason wanted pizza, and Dick had absolutely no idea what he wanted to eat, looking dumbly at his brothers as they were all arguing about what they should eat...In the end, they settled for a fast food place that made burgers, veggie burgers for Damian, pizzas, and...Oh Dick could definitely go for some hot wings !

They ordered a child menu for you, and you ate calmly your fries and chicken nugget, playing with your toy (it was a little doll...that you turned into a Godzilla like monster, apparently imagining it destriying the city).

Your brothers almost lost it when you took two fries, a big and a small one, and said : “Aman obi’ !” which meant “Batman and Robin” (they were fluent in your baby talk), and fought the Godzi-doll with it ! They fought a bit about which Robin you were talking about, and as soon as that, lunch was over.

And this is when it happened.

They were thinking about what to do next, pondering going back home for hot cocoa and a movie, or to the park again because you just loved that place. You were holding Dick and Jason’s hands when you saw it...

A balloon.

A balloon shaped like a bat, that was slowly flying around the very busy mall.

And oh you had to grab it. You took a quick look to your brothers and...They’d know where you were, they surely noticed that awesome balloon too !

Dick thought Jason was holding you, Jason thought Dick was holding you, and as they were talking together, you slipped from their grasp discreetly and went after that damn cool bat shaped balloon !

It took them about ten seconds to realize you were gone...Tim noticed first.

-Where is (Y/N) ?

Panic mode was instantly activated.

Dick looked at Jason’s hand, Jason looked at Dick’s hand and...Oh their mistake suddenly jumped in their face, and if they had time to feel guilty, they would have collapsed right there and then for having lost you !

But for now, they had to find you ! Besides, it wasn’t only their fault, Damian and Tim weren’t paying attention either. As their older brothers were talking about what to do next, the two young Wayne boys were looking at the trailer of a movie they really were waiting for, being played on one of the big mall screen, and so didn’t pay attention at you at all...they felt equally as guilty.

But for now, no time for guilt.

************

In the meanwhile, you were still chasing that cool balloon, running around people. You lost track of the balloon for a minute, because everyone was so damn big, and...where were your brothers ? You suddenly wanted to cry...Oh never mind, here was the bat balloon ! And it was going up, up and away ! It was going towards the escalator ! You had to catch it and quick !

************

Damian climbed Dick’s shoulder to get higher and try to spot you through the thick crowd (it was a Saturday in one of the busiest mall in Gotham after all) and...He did. There you were. And oh my god they had to hurry !

Somehow, you had grabbed onto an escalator’s railing...from the outside of the escalator ! And you were being dragged up by it, while no one noticed a fucking toddler...OH MY GOD YOU WERE GOING TO FALL !!

They ran as fast as they could, as they could slowly see your fingers slip from the moving railing, and hear your tiny voice scream...Why was no one doing anything ? They pushed people roughly out of their ways and...Pfiou. Someone finally noticed you.

A man. In this fifties. Who took you in his arms and disappeared at the top of the escalator ! They could see a small gathering happening up there, and they were about to rush to the elevator when...A security guard stop them.

-No running in the mall !

He was clearly one of those guys,that take his job too seriously and steal kids’ skateboard when they hang out with them around “his” mall. He stopped your two older brothers, but in the process fell over on the floor because they hit him while they were running full speed.

-How dare you you damn brat ! You just assaulted an officer ! You can...Where are you going ? STOP THEM !

They couldn’t really blame the men who tried to stop them, they probably thought they were teenagers stealing or something...but their sister was alone up there, with strangers, and God knew what was happening to her !

They couldn’t be delicate. They had to get rid of this security guard and of those people that stopped them and grabbed them thinking they were thieves...in a matter of seconds, they were out of their grasp, and a few unconscious men laid on the floor.

The security guard ran the goddamn alarm...But they couldn’t care, they jumped on the escalator’s railing and ran up, as if nothing.

You weren’t there. The stranger that got you wasn’t there. They looked around frantically, scared to death...Did they just lost their precious little one in this huge mall, or was it just a nightmare ? Oh please God, please, make it so that was just a nightmare...

But it wasn’t.

It’s Jason, who spotted the stranger that saved you from falling down of the elevator, down to your death (they didn’t realized this yet, too panicked, but later, when they’d think about how you almost fell...that height...You would have probably died...no, they couldn’t never think seriously about this, and just hug you tighter).

They ran to the stranger and Jason got a hold of him. The man, in his sixties, looked like Santa Claus, and had such nice features that...Was it possible that he hurt you ?

-Where the fuck is she ?!

Dick forced his brother to let go of the man, but, his eyes full of a cold determination, he turned toward the man and asked :

-The little girl you saved on the escalator, where is she ?

-The little...With her dad, she’s with her dad !

-Her...dad ?

-Yes ! Yes ! I swear ! Don’t hurt me ! I helped her, she giggled, damn cute kid if you ask me, and then that guy came and said he was her father !

-Her fath...Bruce Wayne ? Was it Bruce Wayne ?!

-Bruce Wayne ? No, no of course it wasn’t goddamn Bruce Wayne ! A man like that would never leave his toddler run free in the mall !

-And you just gave her to him ?!

-Well she didn’t cry when he took her hand and he seemed genuinely worried so..;why would I...I mean...She...It wasn’t her father ?

-Are you sure it wasn’t Bruce Wayne ? Maybe you didn’t recognize him !

-It definitely wasn’t Bruce Wayne ! I think I would have had recognize him instantly if it was ! I swear ! I’m sorry ! I just...I was shook because I just saved that kid, I didn’t think that...She didn’t cry when she took his hand and...

Of course you didn’t cry, you were such a well behaved kid. You probably thought that this dude was going to get you back to your brothers. You were still too young to understand the danger of strangers...

Oh. Oh. The reality of what was happening slowly downed on them.

Kidnapped. That’s what just happened.

Because if it wasn’t their father who took you (and how could it be him?), then who...Their heart dropped, as they let go of the poor man who saved your life, and turned around, looking frantically everywhere, calling for you.

At some point they got stopped by tons of security guards and they couldn’t possibly fight them all without compromising their secret identity and...You were nowhere to be seen.

They started to explain themselves...

************

Bruce Wayne’s heart felt heavy and empty. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to punch something. He wanted to cry.

When he received a call from a very panicked and sobbing Dick, he instantly knew they weren’t trying to pull a cruel prank on him.

No. He knew it was serious. His business partner never saw him leave a meeting that fast. He didn’t even take time to tell them he had a family emergency, he just ran out and jumped in his car.

And now, he was feeling awful. Hell, “awful” wasn’t even covering it. He was feeling...What if he just had lost you forever ? What if you were gone, just like that ? Oh he knew he shouldn’t have had let his sons take care of you...but a voice in his mind kept telling him that those things happen. That it wasn’t his boys’ fault. That they were probably a complete mess too right now...

And yet he was still angry. He trusted them. What the hell happened ?!

But when he arrived at the police station, and he saw them...he couldn’t possibly be mad. They looked so sad and beat down. They looked...Hurt.

They just had lost their precious little sister. And betrayed their father’s trust. And he couldn’t be mad at them...Those things happen. And you were a curious kid, a second of inattention was enough, it all it took.

Damian was crying, as Dick was holding him close to himself. Jason had his hand in his hand, and Tim kept pacing in the room, unable to stand still. When they saw their father arriving, they stopped and looked at him worriedly.

It’s like they were expecting him to yell at them, to punch them, to tell them to get out...But Bruce knew better.

What good would it do to be mad at his sons ? What happened happened, it was too late to change it...and he needed them now, to find you back.

They didn’t utter a word. Everything went through their eyes. He wasn’t angry. Just scared to death. And only together would they be able to find you.

************

What if they lost you ? What if the man who kidnapped you was a serial killer ? What if he...did things to you ? What if...Bruce wasn’t sure he would be able to hold his promise to not kill anyone, if such a case would happen.

What if they lost you ?

Damian couldn’t even think about it without crying. You entered his life less than two years ago, and though at first he hated the fact that you were a “true” Wayne too...he could never really hate you. As soon as he saw you, you became a huge part of his World and...Thinking about you not being here made him cry. Like a baby.

Dick hated himself. Why didn’t he pay more attention ? Why did he let go off your hand ?! If something would happen to you, he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to handle it. He just couldn’t imagine...He couldn’t imagine a life without you, your giggles down Wayne Manor, your smile that brightened up their dark Worlds and always cheered them up...If only...if only he had hold onto your hand !

Jason wasn’t in any better shape, and though his father squeezed his shoulder lovingly, signifying to him that it wasn’t his fault...he just couldn’t take out of his head that if he had tightened his grip on your hand you would still be here ! He just couldn’t...What was going to happen, if you died ? The Wayne family would forever be changed, for the worst. They would all turn into empty beings who would roam the nights of Gotham...Oh and Gotham ? If Bruce Wayne’s precious and cute as Hell little girl would be murdered ? Gotham would never be the same either. Because you were already a symbol. A symbol of hope and good news. A symbol that the city would change for the better.

Tim had a ball stuck in his throat, unable to utter a word or anything. He wanted to cry too, just like Damian, but he just couldn’t. He wanted to scream his despair, but he couldn’t. He wanted to...He just couldn’t do anything. Not without you.

Your father would rather die than going on without you. He knew it. If you disappeared from his life that night ? He would die. Maybe not literally, but inside ? There would be no more “Bruce” or “Batman”. Just an empty shell of a man, turned into a robot without feelings because of the loss of his daughter.

************

Relief.

It’s an odd sensation really. It happens all of a sudden, and you never really expect it. You worry about something for hours on end, and all of a sudden...Pop. Relief.

Your family was going crazy as the minutes went by and the police kept them inside the station for questioning ! They already said everything they knew ! They just wanted to leave and look for themselves, they’d be more efficient than the police they knew it...

An officer came in the room they were all in, and, his face locked in a cold mask, whispered something into his colleague’s ear.

What did it mean ? What ? Did they found you ? Why weren’t they talking ? What the Hell was happening ?! Were you ok ?! Or...not ?

The officer gestured for them to follow him and...They went to Jim Gordon’s office and...relief.

Relief suddenly washed over them as they heard your laugh bursting from the other side of the door.

Your father is the first one who entered, almost tearing the door out of its place because he opened it so violently.

You turned to the source of the noise and...oh !

-Dadaaaaa !

You say, running to him. He falls to his knees and catches you in his arms, tighten his grip around you, his face buried in your tiny neck.

Jim Gordon lets your father and brothers hug you, he lets them kiss you, and smile and laugh of that particular feeling that is relief.

And then he explains.

The video surveillance showed the stranger dragging you out of the mall, but when you realized you were leaving, you started screaming for your brothers, and attracted attention to you. You started to cry and kick the man and...he panicked. As more people were gathering around, he panicked and left you there.

An old lady took you, and after that brought you to the precinct of the mall’s district (which is why it took them a while before actually getting you to the main police headquarters). You apparently didn’t argue, or scream, feeling that this lady was a nice one maybe ? You already had your father’s gut feelings.

The man was identified as a sex offender on the run, who was accused of multiple account of rape and other ugly things and...God only knew what he wanted to do to you.

But it didn’t happen. For once in his life, Bruce Wayne got lucky.

As simple as that. You were safe. Right here. Completely unaware of the danger you were actually in. You knew something was kind of up, but you were too young to fully realize what.

What mattered to you, is that dada was here. Ick was too (Dick). And Heyson. And MianMian (Damian). And Mothy ! (Tim). So things were alright. And even though you thought it was annoying, you let your dad rub his cheek on yours, you let him cover you with kisses...because you feel like something happened, but you don’t quite know what.

-My baby...you’re ok...you’re ok...

He keeps saying, and yes. Yes your ok. And why was dada crying ? You wiped his tears away from his cheeks and hugged him even more...but you also went to your brothers. Because they looked so sad...You didn’t like when they looked sad !

You let your brothers hold you close, even though you want to keep playing with detective Gordon ! You let them shower you with kisses and such and...OH NO ! YOU FORGOT THE BALLOON !!

************

Of course, that’s not the story they actually told you.

Oh no. Though you actually knew the real version, that’s not the one Alfred, or your dad would tell you as a bed time story. Nope. The truth was too scary, too close from home...They almost lost you that day. In the most terrible way.

And so they told you a much funnier one, with you running away to follow a balloon and getting into tons of magical adventures...You’d usually refer to this one, because though you liked to tease them, you knew some topics were just too...delicate.

They all wanted so much to forget about this day, that they kinda all accepted that absurd magical story as the truth, laughed about the fact that you “almost died” (but you couldn’t die, you were protected by magic !), and slowly repressed the memories of that day you actually almost died.

Bruce hated thinking about it, and it always made him want to hug you close from his heart, and not let go for hours (as you grew older, it would sometimes get awkward, like...”please dad, I have to go to school...”).

Your brothers hated it too, but also, it was the only way you had for them to lay off your back ! After all, you were a hero too, you saved the World too ! You were about to actually be part of the League too ! You proved thousands of times you could handle yourself ! And yet they still saw that little toddler running around, and almost leaving them for good...They just couldn’t help but protect you. It was cute. But oh sometimes so annoying.

So when they were getting too annoying, too much...you’d mention that time they lost you in the mall. And though they’d think about the fake story they invented, to protect their mind, the truth would always linger around and...sure, they’d leave you alone because they were still feeling pretty guilty. But they could never always leave you. No. They had to protect you.

They had to hold onto your hand, to pay attention to you...Because they realized, a long time ago, that it was easy to loose you. And none of them could live without you...

___________________________

Well. That was shit. All over the place. It was meant to be funny at first, and ended up not being at all. Uh. Sorry to whoever requested it...Probably one of my weakest story, SORRY. Might delete, or re-write it later. OR WHATEVER OH MY GOD SORRY IF I SOUND WHINEY BUT THIS IS REALLY AWFUL ! Like I received messages of people excited about that story (I teased it a bit by posting sneak peak) and now I’m just afraid I disappointed you guys...anyway, I’ll go hide in a hole.

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