#Thisnones a doozy!

[ravetillyoucry]

PUPARIA

Chapter 21 - 4:00 AM

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"Hosah, what the fuck was that.." Shouting turned to confused muttering as the voice from behind him approached hurriedly, before stopping dead and asking, "What are you doing?"

It was a good thing the shifter hadn't opened the second bottle of beer, as he was intending to do, by the time Teddy got there. Instead of answering him, Hosah turned back, offering him the drink and a seat beside him whilst he was at it.

The pair sat in silence for a little while, neither of them necessarily being uncomfortable despite the obvious tension that practically radiated off of them like steam.

"I looked all over for you, you know. I've never ran that much in my life." Teddy tried to laugh, but he was too out of breath and frustrated to even push out a fake one.

To say it was a beautiful night would be an understatement. Despite it very nearly being November, the weather wasn't too bad at all. The air was still fairly warm, the cold breeze feeling much more like a refreshment than a nip at the tips of the shifter's fingers. He just wished the previous events of the day hadn't spoiled such a night. Hosah leant back on the bench, squeezing his eyes shut for a brief moment and quickly saying a prayer in his head before turning back to face the fire.

"I'm sorry."

Teddy shrugged, "It's okay. I needed the air."

"Not that. Well, that too, but, for everything. I'm a dickhead." The shifter put his elbows on his knees and began to pull at his hair with his head hanging low, something he'd realised he did a lot when he wasn't particularly feeling his best. "I don't know what to do. How to get better. You were right. I'll... I'll take your help, really this time."

"You don't need my help. You need your therapist's help. How come you've been lying to me about going?" The fact Hosah couldn't tell just what Teddy was thinking or feeling n through his voice alone was something that frightened him.

"... I don't know." Hosah lied, partially. He did know, he just wasn't sure how to phrase it without it sounding too pathetic and self-destructive.

The shifter kept his head forward, straight down in front of him, his palms sweating as he gripped the fabric of his pants, like they'd fall to pieces upon release. Another hand, fairly larger than his own, fell upon his shoulder, giving it a squeeze, before its owner spoke up;

"You don't have to give me a reason, just... What are you thinking? Or, feeling, if that's any easier." Teddy's voice was reassuring, although his addition just confused the shifter even more. "You can be completely transparent with me, I'm not gonna... Judge you, or lecture you, or give you any unsolicited advice. Unless you want me to."

Hosah didn't say anything for a short while, taking to pulling his hair as if that would make him think any harder.

"I don't want my body to change, I don't want my mind to change, I don't want my life to change, I don't want to get better." The silence that followed after his admission was another thing that frightened him.

Teddy sighed, loudly and dramatically, swatting Hosah's hands away from tugging at his hair before grabbing a tuft himself, pulling the shifter's head up from the shaking hands to look back over at him, "It'll be okay. I promise."

The grip Teddy had on the shifter's hair softened as he brushed it back and out of the direction of the wind, until he'd decided to just go for it, bringing his arms around the head and pressing it carefully against his shoulder.

"It's not easy, I understand that, I got a bit too emotional before, I could've been more patient with you, I know. It's gonna be okay though. You might be scared now, but it'll be worth it in time. You just... I wish I could give you all the time in the world. That I could just pause and make everything stop for a bit. I just need you to be honest with me from now on, even if it's just in little ways, I need to know if something is bothering you, you don't have to hide anything. I just wanna be there for you, help you, understand you, anything you need. That's what I wanna do."

The response was so perfect, it was almost robotic. That was a problem Teddy had to work on, actually. In his few hours of being completely isolated with his thoughts, he'd come to realise that Hosah had more or less been a problem for him to solve rather than a person for him to understand. Ridding him of all his issues was the main goal at hand, which is probably why it was so frustrating to watch the man do and say things that weren't as straightforward and reasonable as they seemed. He'd thought of all the ways to approach the subject, the words he'd use, how Hosah would theoretically respond if all was to go to plan. Planning your interactions out in your head before they happen usually isn't as helpful as it seems, but it was a habit Teddy had been doing subconsciously his entire life, even when he actively tried not to.

As he sat with the shifters head in both of his hands, playing with each strand of hair he could grasp onto in the moment, Teddy wished so desperately that he could just tear right into his brain and look at what went on inside of it. Swapping consciousness and memories with another person was something Teddy often prayed science would evolve to be able to do seamlessly, although he'd probably take the risk of a few scratches and bumps just to experience what someone else's mind was like, even if it was just for a moment, so he could take that knowledge back to his own body and keep it in mind for every interaction he'd further have with the person at hand.

"It's just frustrating when you try cover up what you're actually thinking and feeling with jokes. I want to understand you better, that's all." Teddy brushed his hands through the hair as he spoke, continuing to ramble without letting the shifter get a word in just yet.

He felt a little bit hypocritical lecturing Hosah like this, as if he himself had been all that honest about his own thoughts and feelings about everything either, but he could face the consequences for that later. Right now, what was most important was getting the shifter to understand how desperately he needed his cooperation.

Teddy had always wanted to fix people. It was the entire reason he studied psychology in the first place, the original plan being to become a therapist and give people straightforward solutions for their straightforward problems. During his time in college, however, was when he learnt how not at all straightforward most problems were, especially in regards to one's mental and psychological state. He didn't understand why Hosah didn't eat, it was obvious that the act in itself was self destructive, but he didn't push for an answer to this question, despite how badly he wanted to.

The handfuls of hair Teddy once was able to brush his hands through became less and less in the passing seconds, as did the weight of the shifter leaning against him, until a single hand could cradle his entire body in the spot just his head once sat. Knowing Hosah felt safe enough to shrink at will around him sent an excited rush through Teddy's body every time, one that made him feel incredibly heavy with guilt as he'd end up making the comparison between himself and the likes of Arthur Emily. The last thing Teddy wanted to do was to make the shifter feel like he was taking pleasure in their power dynamic.

"I don't know how else I'm supposed to open up to you, to be vulnerable with you." Hosah finally spoke, struggling against the fabric of the giant's coat until he'd been adjusted to sitting in an open palm in-front of Teddy's face."Just ask me what you want to know and I'll tell you. But you're gonna have to do the same for me."

Teddy thought for a moment as his eyes scanned over the shifters body. He desperately didn't want to admit of his own fear of opening up, of his past experiences defining what Hosah thought of him, he wasn't the person he was when he was a child, in fact, he wasn't the person he was the day before he'd met the shifter. The Teddy that Hosah knew was a perfectly planned, cherry-picked idealised version of himself. He was happy being Teddy, and not Edward.

The giant's gaze lowered back down to his shoes, the same pair Hosah had used to stand on a little over a week ago whilst they danced in the streets. The memory itself brought a soft smile to Teddy's face.

"Okay, deal." Teddy sighed, bringing his other hand forward to graze his fingertips across the surface of the shifter's impossibly small head. As almost perverted as it made him feel, he'd probably never get over how euphoric it felt to hold an entire person in the centre of his palm like this. "My first question, what do you think we should do about that thread of posts?"

-~-

As much as it pained him, Hosah didn't know anyone else quite as knowledgeable on computers as the security guard. The shifter stood by the keyboard as the pair of giants looked back over the posts, his eyes squinting suspiciously at the individual sitting in front of him, Scotty.

"Isn't there a way to see where the computer it was posted from is?" Hosah walked over towards the mouse, where Scotty's hand rested,  staring up at his own reflection in the glare of his glasses as he spoke.

"Mm, usually there would be, but there's no way this guy isn't taking precautions to avoid that. You know what a VPN is? That's like, the bare minimum to protecting your privacy on the internet. I highly doubt that even if we could get an IP, that it'd be accurate." Whenever Scotty was actually speaking seriously about something he was interested in rather than trying to be funny in his weird, semi-offensive way, he wasn't actually so bad to be around. "Besides, this websites whole gist is anonymity, best thing I'd recommend you do is make an account yourself and try get into contact, go undercover and shit. Don't even know if this is the guy yet anyway."

"Right." The gritting of Teddy's teeth could be heard in his voice, the shifter had never seen such a bitter expression on his face.

Hosah looked between the two, Scotty sitting at the desk in front of him, and Teddy standing, leaning over to see from behind the chair. He didn't think there'd ever be a day where the security guard would be wilfully allowed into their apartment, but here he was, right in front of him. The shifter looked over Scotty with wary eyes, hesitantly examining his form with tense shoulders, as if he were prepared to run away, if it were to come to it. He watched for sudden movements, for him to jump out and grab at him, but alas, he was too transfixed on Teddy's internet discovery to really take any notice of him. Teddy himself, however, was taking great notice of him.

Ever since they'd argued a few days back, Teddy had been on edge. He'd find himself holding onto the shifter too tight, grabbing him too suddenly, keeping ahold of him even when he'd ask to be let go. It wasn't on purpose, of course, and he felt guilty for it every time, but lately, he'd found his mind had become so cloudy, that he couldn't quite hear the noise outside of his own thoughts. They were loud, and they were daunting. Ones that told him Hosah would fade into thin air if he'd let go, that he'd run away again, that if he didn't grab the shifter, someone else would, and there'd be no chance of getting him back. Teddy had never thought of himself to be a jealous person, but being so far away from the shifter, watching as Scotty pressed his fingers against his shrunken stature to shoo him away from the mouse so he could continue reading the text post... It was driving him crazy.

He'd found the words repeating over and over again in his head, that the person behind the letters, maybe even the posts, didn't know what they'd do with, who he'd presumed to be, Hosah- just that they wouldn't hold back. Teddy gripped the chair he leant against just a little tighter, his hands itching to reach out and hold the shifter, to never let him go, just incase anything were to happen to him. It wasn't the first time he'd felt so overwhelmingly overprotective, and he still felt the crushing weight of his guilt for his altercation with Jeanne after what he'd told the shifter regarding the state of the bodies. It made his skin crawl. Teddy wouldn't call himself a violent person, per se, at least not anymore,

"Careful." Teddy muttered, mostly to himself, as he watched the shifter stumble back from the push.

Scotty just laughed, an aggravating scoff that tightened the knot in Teddy's brow, "Relax. He's fine- You're fine, aren't you, Hosah?" He didn't even bother to glance over the shifter as he started to speak again, "Anyway, there's still radio silence from the police about getting that gun back to you. I mean, I'm no expert, but it's been like, a month, hasn't it? Can't take that long to check for any DNA traces. And they've just left you defenceless too."

The fact brought a grimace to Teddy's face. Hosah could answer for himself. Not that the, lack of, police's cooperation wasn't concerning too, of course, but Teddy just couldn't focus on that. He wasn't quite sure what to think at all. One thing that did cross his mind, however, was the proposal Hosah had made to him weeks and weeks back. It felt like years ago, and that is should've been around now that they'd be sitting on their porch reminiscing on these times. He wished to be able to give the shifter what he wanted, his cabin by the lake, firewood for the evening, a fish hand-caught to share for dinner, and most importantly, a clear sky at night, where all the stars would be visible. He couldn't believe Hosah was fine, until he himself could give all of that to him. There'd be no one else surrounding them, no one to fear, to worry about, just the two of them.

"Say.." Scotty began, pushing the wooden chair back and making a horrible squeaking, scraping sound against the floor as he did so, "Have you been back to check the apartment lately?"

It was only a matter of time before the security guard had convinced both Hosah and Teddy that they should absolutely go with him to check for any new notes. It wasn't like the shifter was particularly complaining, as he had been itching to return for a while now, his morbid curiosity lingering in the back of his mind, just waiting to get the better of him. Fear wasn't necessarily how he felt towards the situation, in fact, he was rather conflicted on the topic. He couldn't quite word exactly what it was that rushed through him whenever he was reminded of it, of them. Excitement wasn't quite right, it was more of a sort of guilty pleasure sort of thing. Despite the shame, there was a part of him that desperately waited and longed for more to happen, like in the build up before a jump-scare in one of those shitty horror movies similar to the one Teddy endured with him in the theatre, it kept him on his toes, anxious, preparing himself for something more to come, for something to reach out and get him. He'd almost come to accept it by now, that he was just waiting for the end.

"I don't think this is such a good idea." The voice vibrated against Hosah's back as he hung out of the pocket of whom it belonged to. That was one of the better parts about being tiny, all kinds of physical stimulants are amplified by a hundred, and the shifter had always quite enjoyed sensory overloads.

The pair sat in the back seat despite the fact the passenger seat of Scotty's dusty old car was vacant. Frost had began to settle on the windshield the night before, meaning it was far too cold to drive with the windows down, which was a huge shame given the fact that the hanging air freshener was much more intoxicating than pleasantly fresh. It was best to sit as far away from it as possible to avoid any kind of car sickness.

"What other choice do we have?" Scotty said with a smile on his face. The plan was to drive back to his house so he could 'prepare' , whatever that meant, and then they'd head to the complex and check briefly for anything of substance. A quick job, one the security guard would take an hour, that and a half at the absolute maximum. Hosah didn't quite know what he meant by 'we', as this case had absolutely nothing to do with him at all.

Teddy spoke quietly, seemingly being much more focused on the rhythmic drumming of his fingers against the car door, "Wouldn't waiting for the police to do a search be.. I don't know, safer? I already feel stupid for going the first time, going back a second just feels like we're pushing our luck."

"Don't.. Don't be a fuckin' pussy, man. Jesus." Scotty's attitude was a perfect confirmation that this was, in fact, a terrible idea.

The drive had been rather pointless after all, as it seemed fate, or maybe the lord, was on Teddy's side after all. The whole city was chockablock. Total gridlock. Scotty turned the radio up to louder than it needed be, grumbling all the while. "God dammit. This fucking city-"

A familiar voice echoed through the static. Ah, the pairs favourite radio personality. Arthur Emily was like a mould. No matter how many times you'd scrape him up, he'd reappear sooner than the last time.

Something held the city on standby, shooting for a new advertisement for some already sold out show. Using shifters that could grow rather than shrink only really went two ways, you either became a model or some other sub-category of celebrity, or you went and you fought for your country. There was no in between. A new experience, completely fool proof, stadiums that would fit almost a million people, all with great views as the performers were as big as buildings. People were honking from every direction as hi-vis wearing work men came by and personally spoke to every driver. Well shit. Talk about divine intervention. Praise the lord, Teddy thought as he stepped out of the car, much to the security guards dislike as he protested loudly. He followed the crowd that stood by the fenced off part of the city.

Weaving through the sea of stagnant cars, Teddy made it up close to whatever was going on. Sure enough, there he was. A giant. A real, actual giant, not like himself around Hosah, who had long been asleep as car rides in pockets usually did to him. He wasn't actually quite sure what he was doing standing there. There wasn't much of anything to really see. Instead of gawking at the giant, who turned every now and then to give out waves and smiles to the growing audience, he thought about Hosah. He thought about how everyone around him was in the same position as the singular person they stared at. That they were in that position every day of their lives, they just didn't care to take notice. Being giant was nothing spectacular, really.

"The fuck are you doing?" Scotty came to rest a hand upon his shoulder to heave for a moment.

Teddy didn't really know the answer himself, "Aren't you supposed to be paying attention to the road?"

"Nah, we're not gonna be moving for a long time. Everyone else has gotten out anyway." He spoke, still out of breath despite it not having been a very far distance to run, "Not much to see, huh."

"I don't get it." Teddy brought a hand up to his chest pocket, hovering hesitantly around it as to not wake the shifter, despite the fact he was quite the deep sleeper. "I mean, we do this every day. It's just... Perspective."

Scotty hummed, taking off his glasses to look up at the spectacle himself, "You know what I don't get? Shutting down the whole fucking city for this bullshit. They never heard of green screens? I mean, come on. Some gayass band's got a shifter, who gives a shit?"

"Thank you, Scotty, I think.. I'm gonna try walk back up to the office."

"That's like- three miles away, Edward??"

Teddy didn't really listen as he pushed his way back and out of the crowd, "I'll see you soon."

He hoped he wouldn't.

Teddy walked his way backwards in the direction they drove from. The line of cars all waiting to get to where they needed to be wrapped around the labyrinth of perfect squares that was the city layout. He wasn't sure what he was doing, what he was thinking, what was even going on, he just needed to get away. Away from Hosah's old apartment, away from the crowd, away from the prospect of something being there, waiting for them. Frankly, he was terrified. He couldn't take Hosah back there.

"Hey... cmon, wake up." He whispered, nudging the bottom of his pocket, waiting for movement. He needed everything to stop, for Hosah, for the world to come to a halt for a month or two. The shifter really didn't ask for much, not for anything at all, but Teddy still needed to give it to him, if he specifically wanted it or not.

Teddy had an idea. He needed to speak to someone. Not Jules, not yet. There was only one person who he knew for a fact would know how to go about it all.

He needed to get both himself, and especially Hosah, off of the case.

The shifter rustled in his pocket, "Mm, Where are we..? God- stop, stop letting me fall asleep here. My back, shit."

"I know, I know." Teddy instinctively went to pet the shifter through the fabric, before ultimately deciding that was probably too weird, even for him. "... Hey, I'm gonna... Let's go back to the office. Talk to Jeanne about that thing- about making an account and talking to the guy through that, the inside job."

"What. Jeanne doesn't know shit about the internet." Hosah hauled himself up so his upper half dangled out of the pocket.

"Not like that. Just, his opinion. We'd probably get into some kind of trouble if we didn't consult anyone about it before hand."

Maybe it was the adrenaline, but Teddy managed to speed-walk a mile to the nearest subway station in ten minutes, give or take. He didn't stop to listen to whatever Hosah was trying to talk to him about, he just needed to get them off the case.

He knew Hosah was strong, he was capable, he could do it all and more all at once, but he couldn't let him. There was something inherently terrifying about knowing someone wouldn't stop at anything to reach, to hurt someone you loved, but what scared Teddy even more was the fact that there was something right in front of him that actively destroyed Hosah from the inside out.

As the shifter sat, essentially talking to himself out of the fabric of his coat, Teddy was reminded of the farm. He was ten years old, and there was nothing better to do than tend to the cats. Hosah reminded him a lot of that time, of how hard he tried to save every single one of them. His grandparents didn’t care what the animals got up to, as long as there were no mice, whether a few kittens survived or died wasn’t their problem. It was around then when Teddy stopped sleeping all together. He’d sneak out of the house and run all the way to the barn with a milk replacer he’d come to perfect. Condensed milk, water, plain yogurt, and egg yolks, heated up to around a hundred Fahrenheit. There was always one specific kitten that always came to mind when he reminisced on these days, one that refused to drink, Teddy tried all he could just to get her to accept the help, she wouldn’t survive the night without it. It confused him so much that he ran all the way back to the farmhouse to get his sister, and only then did the kitten actually cooperate.

He wondered if that would be all it’d take to nurse Hosah back to peak health. Maybe, it wasn’t the help the shifter didn’t want specifically, it was just the help from him, from Teddy. Jeanne would know what to do.