#This?? ok maybe im just 16 and mean to myself but. maybe i will. screenshot these tags and keep them losing my mind a lil

[lunar-lair]

gods i am. so so late beCAUSE I DIDNT EXPECT IMPORTANT NOTES IN MY INBOX. IMPORTANT NOTES IN M Y INBOX??? NEWS 2 ME!!

Also yea rip actually 😔 i get rlly rlly !!!!!!! Rlly quick. Have and will continue to annoy my family w that ngl,,im. Glad you like it tho?? Also very very glad i havent managed to like. Chase you off with any accidental rabid-fangirl vibes

And...man thats kinda the same for what was between me and you, i guess. Though, i was 11, fresh out of the end of 5th grade, and found your stuff on ff.net after a dissection fic and scavenging through every into the mind and into the ghost zone fic i can find (still some Classic tropes, would kill for those babeys lowkey).

And...well, i do feel welcome here, pretty much. I mean, not to say ive actually talked to anyone; and then, of course, theres the whole thing where im like 16 and you could be in your 40s; youve got your shit together, probably, im just worried ill manage to do smth weird ig; also the concept of interacting w the same people consistently on tumblr is so...odd? To me? Any Mutuals ive ever attained are more so mutuals w/out a capital or ones i inevitably fucked it up w (only one but still). So like, yknow! Ive just been...ghosting, you could say. The doors open, im just hiding under my sheet, i guess.

And im not going to bother you all like that! I mean...well...ok, maybe a little? I can try. Not with anything outside of dp though, i get a little feral about other shit the same way i do this. But uh. You know. I could lose the sheet, maybe forget the vampire-esque 'welcome in' oath.

Also yea lmao ive learned to stay FAR away from fighting. Never been part of one on tumblr myself, proud to say!

WH. H. WH. WH H?

WHWHWHWHWH. OK I WAS GONNA ASK MYSELF IF IT WAS OK BUT!!!!! NOPE @things-i-cannot-do-in-amitypark HI WH???? WH AT ARE YOU. DOIGN,

im jk but only lowkey???? Ill have you know this is a Very inconsistent blog dear friend,,,,,,,it might be dp rn but in like. 4 hrs time it could be hades or like. Loz. look me in the eyes and tell me you want random ass shit on ur dash silly fool

Ok im actually mostly joking this time i just *goes insane*??? Loses my mind??????????????? i. yea goes insane

[mulderspice]

have you ever watched an episode of the Emmy award winning sci-fi drama, The X Files?  Maybe you’ve read my original post and yet you’re still wondering where the hell Fox Mulder got all those strands of hair on his jumbo gigantic head.  I am back and here to help you find the answers to some of your burning questions; as we celebrate the hard work and triumphs of the hair and makeup department on the Fox Lot and team up with my big huge brain and my New York State Cosmetology license to give the people what they want once again: another top ten guide to Mulder’s fucking hair..

upon making this post a second time (rip 😔), I realized that just about every episode (yes, every. single. one. even the ones without Mulder and the latest season where he has to share headspace with [redacted]) has its own important and iconic hair looks... You may recognize that some of these are slightly repeated from the last post but that’s ok! What I'm here to do is enforce! So lets get started..

#10 s6:e21 Field Trip: Here again we begin our journey into cosmetic superstardom with a personal favorite of mine.  Mulder rolling with the times by getting a haircut fresh off the FTF wave left our nation in fucking shambles. Can’t imagine going to see a major motion picture in theatres jam packed with Mulder’s most supreme hair looks only to come back to my tv screen to see it all gone away.  For students reading this post for educational purposes, this caused a worldwide walkout on popular salon franchise Supercuts in the year 1998.  However, a haircut didn’t necessarily mean Mulder forgot how to take care of his hair.  The precision and placement as each strand of hair perfectly outlines his jumbo head is revolutionary and inspiring.  Mushroom induced drug high? K. Lemme still grab my teasing comb and my hairspray and make sure I look presentable for when my partner walks into my apartment screaming abt “where's Mulder” and wanting “answers”.  The answer is this: this look is about giving people like myself with big heads rights and looking fuckable while doing so. 10/10 for inspiring hope.

#9 s1:e9 Space: Imagine you’re a few episodes into a show, the core plot is developing right before your eyes and you’re beginning to get to know The X Files three main characters; Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and Mulder Hair Strands #1-3.  All is well except, you still have no clue how crucial, and critical Mulder Hair Strands 1-3 will become to the show and to your life and I am here to tell you that you are in for a very rude and bold awakening.  This message goes out to all the haters and all the people who didn’t believe Mulder’s hair was valid prior to season 4. He is here to tell you he DID know how to use dry shampoo and even the occasional blow dry oil and you can suck a dick abt it. Bold of you to assume he wouldn’t pull the round brush and the biosilk out the drawer to impress a visit to fucking NASA. 10/10 for involving science.

#8 s4:e6 Sanguinarium: I sit here writing to you today as the song ‘Handmade Heaven’ comes on shuffle; strikingly fitting for this raw and ethereal image of straight up beauty and wonder and magic and heaven in hair. This special, freshly washed and air dried smells like strawberries and sandalwood and fuckability. The look reaches through your TV and wraps its hands around your neck and sucks the life right out of you.  Are you gonna let it happen? You sure are.  Lucky for you, I just so happened to be there when the angels hand sewed each strand of hair onto his head and here’s what they had to say about it: ��this is everything and more and the way Mulder has just washed his hair with fresh mountain water droplets hand collected like nothing else mattered. Put his clothes back on and went on his merry way. Can’t imagine being in Scully’s shoes ready to walk on in her partners room unannounced to go over serious case related matters and theories.  Woulda went bonkers. This truly is a handmade heaven.  Hand crafted by Mulder for Scully and for the good viewers of the globe. 10/10 for embracing me in its arms.

#7 s4:e3 Home: A look from one of primetime TV’s most notorious banned episodes.  Viewer discretion IS advised not only for the horrifying and cringeworthy content displayed in this episode, but for also making it painfully blunt to the viewer that Mulder’s hair follicles are happier and healthier than anybody else's will ever be in their lifetime.  In fact, I can feel my own hair falling out and being respawned onto HIS head as I type this and I’m sure you can too. The way the sun glistens off his golden brown strands makes me want to walk into oncoming traffic.  You might also notice how effortless this look was, as it probably only took a quick run thru with his fingers, and Mulder’s passion and need to look sexy at any time of the day at all times. It’s obvious that this kind of thing comes naturally to him, which just comes off as insulting to men everywhere. 11/10 for striking fear into men’s hearts.

#6 s4:e20 Small Potatoes: Genuinely took every bone and nerve ending in my body to not put this look in the top 5 even though it so clearly deserves it.  Here at mulderspice we believe in diversity, meaning it wouldn’t be right to make my top five greatest hairstyles ever produced on The X Files just of Mulder’s iconic and revolutionizing middle part (though really who is stopping me..). This screenshot in general has me up in arms at how perfectly the blue background matches his eyes, and how it accentuates his hydrated skin and lips.  But you’re not here for that. It’s the hair particularly that really pulls the shot together, as Mulder took the time that morning to spray it with some tinted dry shampoo that most defiantly and absolutely smells like chocolate.   This look feels like a warm hug on a frigid winter day. I feel EMBRACED and I feel CARED FOR thanks to the wonderful staff and team @ Mulder’s head and hair follicles. What the fuck could be better than this. 16/10 for making me feel some type of way.

#5 s4:e8 Tunguska: Currently you may not think anything of Krycek to the left of this image though ill have you know he plays an extremely vital part of this look and all the words I’m about to speak to you directly. So listen up: Krycek may have heroically slayed Mulder’s father in cold blooded and justifiable murder, but we thank him for this, as it caused Mulder to lash out in the best way possible: through looks. “Un-shun: Krycek do you think I’m good to bring my Redkin Rewind 6 styling paste with me or will the Russian TSA think of that as contraband? :Re-shun”.  A sweaty, manly and highly illegal treck through a Russian testing facility and a stint in a violent foreign PRISON surely was not going to stop Mulder from keeping his hair properly hydrated, styled and parted. That’ll really ruffle Krycek’s feathers and make him feel sorry for what he did…. The sexiest way to avenge the death of your deadbeat father. 24/10 for you know why.

#4 s1:e6 Shadows: In the year 1993, Mulder steps onto the scene, young, fresh faced, bright eyed and ready to give men around the globe what they (so desperately) needed: the encouragement to care about their hair.  Any backstreet boy you may know have this scene to thank directly, as this is what encouraged them to reproduce Mulder’s hair onto their own heads time and time again.  What I would give to see with my own eyes Mulder length times width times height his head to equal this perfectly proportionate look of volume and sexy. And who can I write a warrant out to for allowing this shot to take place.  Oh to be the various and expensive hair care products in Mulder’s bathroom …… 899/10 for starting a movement (-1 for making us do equations).

#3: s1:e10 Fallen Angel: The biggest regret I’ve ever had in my short little life was not adding this moment to the last post.  And tumblr deleted it in order to give me this opportunity to present this to you today.  By the way, that absolutely is in fact a choir of angels singing as you view this image. Go ahead and try to think of something on this earth that could be better than this tossled bed headed im-stressed-becos-my-partner-of-2-weeks-isn’t-seeing-the-big-picture-about-how-we’re-all-key-pawns-in-an-ongoing-government-conspiracy hairstyle hand crafted by Mulder all while holding his head in his hands hard at work trying to break through to the truth.  Scully [insert photo of Scully with her eyes popping out of her head here] and I both wanna rip our own hair out and throw it in the garbage. 2000/10 for making our hearts ache..

#2: s4:e10 Paper Hearts: Behold- the image I’m slamming down on the desk at full force when I finally get myself a therapist. I need a licensed professional doctor to help me understand the various angles that this purposeful shot affects my life health and well being. In a paranoia induced out of body experience Mulder took his pinky finger and parted his hair down the middle, took a protractor to perfectly round the tendrils falling ever so gracefully on his forehead and ran out of his apartment and through the woods of DC.  Doesn’t matter if he’s crazy? Doesn’t matter if its fuck all 4am? Who knows if the discoveries of this night is finally going to answer the heartbreaking questions regarding Mulder’s baby sister? Fuck it we’re just gonna make sure Scully has something to look forward to after being awoken yet again in the middle of the night and asked to come wrangle and control this stupid idiot.  This just makes me unhinged.  50000/10 for waking up in the middle of the night and doing the most for us all.  

#1 s4:e3 Teliko: This one will remain number one for as long as I shall live.  I’ve dedicated my life to this cause and I’m ready to make you painfully aware of it. Grab a pen and paper and get ready to do some heavy math with me because this look right in front of your eyes is the equation to happiness and sexiness. Can barely find the words to describe to you how this picture makes me feel. Each strand of hair is personally reaching down and wrapping his head in one big giant hug of protection and solitude.  Unbelievable that Scully didn’t head back to her hotel room and scream at the top of her lungs right after this. There’s no way she went about her day as normal without wanting to kick the shit out of him and then put him back together with soft feathery kisses.  What you are witnessing here is the very turning point of the show where Scully looked into into the very center point of that part and said “guess I have no choice but to fall in love with him 🚶🏽‍♂️”. Chris Carter’s idealistic version of Mulder and the one we actually ended ups seeing as viewers were so drastically different that it’s blatantly clear that he had absolutely no idea the cultural implications that were about to rock the world to its core and tip it on its axis when David Duchovny showed up on set looking like this. I could write a thesis about this. I could conduct research and studies about this.  I got kicked out of college because I cared more about this than I did actual schoolwork. I feel like I’m in a very sexy chokehold. Wish I could live forever in one little square pixel of this image.  Nothing means more to me than this.  1000000/10 no further comments.

and the honorable mentions go to....

s8:e16 Three Words: Dead? Did you die? Did you die and miraculously defy god by rising from the dead and coming back to life? Just got home from the morgue? Think nothing is the same? Left guessing if you’re a soon to be 5 minute father? Did you just fucking die? He’s lost his family and his job and the world just went on without him like it was nobody’s business.  Walked out of the morgue right to his apartment and what did he have left? His expensive array of hair styling and finishing products that’s what the fuck he had left.  Being an all around reject from society didn’t at all stop him from taking his fingers and dipping it into that Big Sexy styling pomade and fluffing his head to high heavens. As a personal fuck you to god and to John Doggett too.  He’ll never let you know the emotional hellstorm going on in his life in that moment but he WILL make it known to you that despite being 8 feet under ground for 6 months he’ll never give up on his hair. For the PEOPLE. Try and go through the nightmare of death and then rejected fatherhood and see if you come out of it with any hair at ALL.  An itty bitty glimpse into what would have been Untitled Mulder Abduction Story (2001)....

I Want To Believe (2008): Here you will see the sluttiest moment in major motion picture history.  Shh im not using this opportunity to show you this screenshot for the 800th time I’m trying to keep you educated.  BREAKING NEWS; Man hiding in home office for 6 years fully off the grid has FULL head of hair and is getting regular sex *not clickbait*. So what if Mulder has gone fully unhinged and off the walls bonkers he’s also gone FULL slut and it shows in that sexy thick voluminous head of slut hair.  If you ever for a second thought prior to seeing this movie for the first time that Mulder would show up a full on son-less wreck and a half think the fuck again babes.  He’s managed to hold on to every single little strand ever grown on his head even well into his middle aged madness and its about time we give him the credit he deserves.  (PS. Please know I wrote this entire spiel without even viewing the shot shown here. Its just permanently etched on the inside of my forehead so its there when my eyes roll back into my head.)  For this we say…..; Whore rights.

s11:e3 Plus One: Incase you were unaware, I have been going through a very slow and painful process of erasing Season 11 from my brain completely.  Its been a long road but its achievable and the end result will save me from a lot of future heartache and trauma.  This however, is a moment I will cherish forever and though you may think its for the hot sex (which is like maybe 30% the case) its actually because it puts together everything I’ve ever loved and believed about the show in only a few thousand pixels. How old is Mulder here? 30? 31? Still has hair and still has an unbelievable amount of love to shower Scully in for as long as they both shall live (which lets face it, she deserves one million times over.)  What this has taught me was to hang up my “Mulder deserved…” hat for good and just be thankful for what I’ve got. I ended up with no son or happy dreamy ending where Mulder gets to die with a family he’s never had in his life, but here we are left with the little things.. Like Mulder and Scully’s unconditional love and most importantly .. The hair on Mulder’s head. Its called growth and acceptance and I am learning it.  Also I just wanted to show you what it would look like if you were like 57 and sexy and still had all ur hair. That’s it :-)

[lunawings]

King of Prism SSS Episode 3 commentary (Taiga)

I am SO RELIEVED that this episode is FINALLY out. 

I finally get to show you guys what the inside of my head has been like for two months. 

THE FESTIVAL THAT HAS BEEN INSIDE ME

GET BUCKLED IN

Taiga’s room is divided into half Kazuki worship, half Aomori. Seems about right.

Let me start off by saying it brings me SO MUCH JOY how much Taiga loves Aomori. Aomori is way far removed from Tokyo, on the northernmost tip of the main island, and pretty much in the countryside. I went there 4-5 years ago before King of Prism existed AND I. LOVED. IT. There was a cool breeze even in the brutal Japanese summer, the atmosphere was refreshing and wonderful... and the festival. Two of the biggest things Aomori is known for are apples and, of course, the Nebuta festival which I’m convinced has to be the best festival in all of Japan. Those giant festival floats are just fucking amazing and I will be inter-splicing this post with my travel photos from that time. 

But even so, I’d think a boy at Taiga’s age would still think Tokyo is a lot cooler and want to be in the big city. BUT NO. NOT TAIGA. And since I also CANNOT FUCKING STAND TOKYO either, every time Taiga in this episode says Aomori is better than Tokyo I just want to stand up and be like 

FUCK YEAH IT IS 

Okay moving on, sorry this post is gonna be long enough as it is. 

When I first heard this line I swore it sounded like he was saying something about “Las Vegas” ahah... ha...

I am very happy with this screenshot. 

*ahem* Anyway. I looked up “rassera” ages ago because I had no idea what that was about and apparently it’s a phrase that lost it’s original meaning over time as it got muddled together, and is now only used as a festival chant. It used to mean “bring out the candles” or something?

The “us” in the sub kind of annoys me because Over the Rainbow isn’t a part of Edel Rose anymore but maybe that’s.... just.... meeeeeeeeee..............

I took the night bus from Tokyo to Aomori before. It was 10 or 11 hours. It was... unpleasant.

Old dude club in the back row.

I really wonder what people who have never seen Pride the Hero are gonna think of this exchange. If you have not seen Pride the Hero, sorry to disappoint you(?) but taxi is actually not a metaphor. 

I wonder if Kakeru would have really kept hounding Taiga if he didn’t pay him back. It’s not like Kakeru needs the money. I think it’s more that Taiga just has his pride and wants to do right by Kakeru and not take advantage of him. Or at least I like thinking that way. 

My second favorite line by Taiga in SSS. 

People at the cheering shows are like “Gimme the apron!!”

No, I have no idea why they decided to design Taiga’s cousin(s) to look like Ann and Wakana. 

My third favorite Taiga line in SSS. I just love how perfect the timing is. Taiga just watches everyone walk past him trying to debate if this is really happening or not and then just HOLD ON WAIT--

Behold Yukinojo examining what I think is supposed to be the armor that made Taiga pee his pants in Young of Prism. This is the Easter egg I was talking about. 

I LOVE OZORA. 

Another great thing about SSS is learning how all of the boys have these amazing female characters in their lives. 

The first/only anime reference to Taiga’s distaste for apples. In side material it’s been explained that Taiga can’t stand apples because they are everywhere in Aomori. Even the sound of someone biting into the skin of an apple drives him nuts. Minato has used it as punishment before in Prism Rush. 

People in the theater like to say “Don’t forget the apple!” 

At the midnight showing I think the girl next to me had a brain aneurysm when she saw Wakana here. And I might of as well. 

At this part I always yell “WAKANA DON’T GO!!!!”

Just.... ahhhhhh Taiga being seamlessly inserted in the Rainbow Live continuity like this is just... kjlfjfkljfls.......

Even though I know in the logical part of my brain that Taiga did not exist when Rainbow Live was made, I still kinda want to go back and look for him in the background of that episode anyway. But I hesitate because I know I won’t want to be disappointed with not finding him. 

Still, the idea that Wanana, Ann, and Kazuki all supposedly knew him from way back when is crazy and makes my heart warm. 

(Oh but WAKANAAAAAAA so sad)

So. “Gaudy” huh. We’re goin’ with that huh. HUH. “Gaudy” I know for a fact is the literal translation you get when you look up “charachara” in a Japanese-English dictionary. I have used it too... AS A PLACEHOLDER....................

Seeing this and trying so hard not to FUCKING SCREAM at the midnight showing was a moment for all of us. Taiga.... Taiga.................. Taigaaaaa................. I can’t see this without feeling it travel through every nerve in my body. 

WakanAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Accurate description of summertime in the countryside of Japan. Everyone hangs out and eats copious amounts of fruit probably from a neighbor’s farm. Just go out and walk down the street and you’ll come home with fruit. 

So this is Aomori city, the area not far from the station. When I saw this in the theater I was like, that looks.... kinda familiar. Then the next day I went searching for photos from my sideblog @mdawnjpn and....

I found this and I just immediately started tearing up, like hand over my mouth trying not to cry on the bullet train from Tokyo back to Nagoya during that first weekend. I was there I WAS THERE. 

So I mentioned previously I got to Aomori after a 10 or 11 hour night bus. And I didn’t sleep for almost any of it because I just can’t sleep on buses. And I felt LIKE. DEATH. But I couldn’t find an internet cafe or anywhere to sleep for a while because Aomori city just doesn’t have a lot of things. So I ended up literally just sleeping on a park bench by the ocean for a couple hours. Like around here.

And I remember seeing them starting to set up the festival when I woke up and being like woooah where am I this is amazing. But.. Just like, since Over the Rainbow performs here every year I guess I must have slept through their show. Oh NOOO ahaha

Anyway

And here it is. My number one favorite Taiga line in SSS. Just like the way he says it

OVER THE RAINBOW

THE FUCK IS THAT 

Ohhhh Taiga you’ll know very soon......

Also notice the different colored tie. I wonder if this was his legit school uniform at the time. 

People hold up two concert lights and break them apart when Hiro’s pride is broken in the first movie, and they do the same here.

Oh Taiga...... why is your pain so hilarious.........................

Sometimes I ask myself the same thing.

I love the contrast here between the overly realistic uncomfortable crowd, overenthusiastic Ozora, and poor Taiga. I love it. I LOVE IT. I WAS NOT KIDDING WHEN I SAID EVERY FRAME IN THIS EPISODE IS A FUCKING MASTERPIECE 

It took me two or three viewings to realize that Taiga is actually crying here. Or rather trying really hard not to cry. 

I’m not sure if I’m counting favorite Kazuki lines or not since he doesn’t have a big roll in SSS, but if I am this little “Huuuaah” might be it. 

Poor Kazuki. He does nothing on purpose to incite the storm that has brewed around him with both Taiga and Alexander.

Taiga’s Mom is the fucking best. Like I said, I love SSS for bringing out all these amazing, supportive, strong female characters. Everyone’s Mom is great but Taiga’s Mom might be best Mom. 

Or at least I thought so until I met Alexander’s Mom but the jury is out right now. 

It took me like five viewings to realize their watermelon switched to corn and I laughed way harder than I should have. 

OTSUKARE TAIGA

I loved seeing him be a big brother here eheh. 

Taiga why did you even ask. You know how Edel Rose works.

Shin just looks so happy. He’s a puppy. 

My goal in life is to enjoy everything the way Shin enjoys things.

Yu’s AHHHHH MOOOOUUU in this scene might be my favorite Yu line ahaha. 

I don’t know why, but I the more he whines the more I love him. That’s just how you know Yu is having a good time.

RIGHT

RIGHT

FUCK TOKYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

AHHHHH I WANT TO GO BACK TO AOMORI RIGHT NOOOWWWW

I’m like 40% considering going back this summer. 

I live in Aichi not Tokyo by the way so if I don’t fly that’s about UMMM 16 or 17 HOURS ON TWO BUSES BUT

Okay okay okay. So NOW it’s “street style” huh. Well what the fuck was with that whole “Solid Style” thing in episode 1 then? I guess the translator didn’t realize they were literally talking about street dance? Like WHAT? Or did they just forget?

And you know what actually this kinda pisses me off more, because the least they could do is keep it consistent. 

Because now that whole important line where Shin actually explains it for the first time in the main canon MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE ANYMORE 

ALSO

WHY IS ACADEMY CAPITALIZED AND STREET NOT

WHY

FOR FUCKS SAKE IM GONNA K--

Taigaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

(I’m OK now.)

Giving him a shojo reaction here was a choice. They didn’t have to. It was a deliberate choice. To portray Taiga’s feelings for Kazuki. Ahhhhhhhh

So remember when I stayed up translating this all of a sudden after I watched SSS Part 1 for..... reasons..... 

No I do not know why he’s an apple. Well I assume it has to do with the job he’s doing. And I do have a hunch from a creative standpoint but I’ll talk about that later. 

First timers in the theater always be like “R... RINGO..?????”

NO YOUR ASS IS BIG

....Is one of my favorite callouts of this episode. 

AND WHY IS JOJI EVEN IN THE CAR ANYWAY 

At this point during the midnight showing I was like.... is the real villain of SSS just gonna be Joji going around casually inconveniencing everyone? ....I’d watch that. 

This is the storage area near the main festival stage where you can go and see the floats before the festival starts. 

Here’s what it looks like in real life: 

One of the few instances where I can assure you real life is just as good as the anime. 

For people who read my shitty out of context spoiler about how a character beat Louis for the amount of skin showed in a prism show. Wasn’t kidding. 

Tasuku kinda spoiled this outfit in the first day greeting show by saying something like how it was an outfit which fit Taiga’s tastes well (festival wear) and everyone else was like NO STOP--

But yeah. This show. This soonggggg

Taiga’s voice is just SO. BEAUTIFUL. He has my favorite singing voice in all of Edel Rose. 

So after the first weekend I made a post to Tumblr about how I thought I had avoided getting any of the songs in my head, but then a certain one started CREEPIN IN...

IT WAS THIS

Taiga’s song is both the first one to get stuck in my head, and the one that keeps getting stuck in my head the most often to this day.  

I just love how he makes Nebuta floats of all his friends ahhhhhh 

Here are some more photos of the real thing..

It was raining the year I was there, and when it rains they put plastic over them so they look like snowglobes. That’s kinda cool in itself though.

I’ll never forget seeing this for the first time, realizing what was about to happen and being like NO... NO WAY.... IS THIS REAL LIFE NO WAY IS WHAT HDHFKHFDFH;LSFHDLSHFDS 

I’ll never forget it because I basically still feel the same way every time. 

They didn’t have to set this up like a confession scene. But they did. It was a choice.

But during this scene at cheering shows, I am much less concerned with what Taiga was trying to say and much more concerned with prepping blue and green lights for..... 

Words cannot express how happy this made me. If you haven’t picked up on it already Wakana is my favorite girl from RL. MATTE NYAAAAAAAAAA

Oh look here. A GOOD translation for “charachara”. One that I might actually steal from now on. Usually the best I can come up with is “flirty”, “carefree”, or “showy” depending on the situation.

So it seems at this point the translator finally understood what “charachara” actually means in the context of King of Prism. So of course, the logical thing to do here would be to go back and correct the previous wonky line where they used “gaudy” to make it consistent... right.... RIGHT??

Does Crunchyroll actually translate line-by-line as soon as the episode comes out in the hour before they post it? 

They don’t even get any time to edit it?

ARE

YOU

FUCKING

KIDDING ME

I dunno about you but I would wait a few more hours for fucking slightly more decent consistency in the translation BUT MAYBE THATS JUST ME 

OH LORD Kakeru’s episode next week is gonna be A SHITSHOW. 

The sitcom ending to this episode is so dorky but I love it. 

THIS EPISODE IS PERFECT

FRAME IT

DIP IT IN COPPER

SEND IT TO SPACE 

DONE 

It was really cool to finally see the details in these festival floats in the ending since they go by so fast in the episode. Shin’s has a rainbow! I wasn’t expecting Masquerade, but I suppose it fits Taiga as well. And it’s not that the Taiga version isn’t good but...  

It’s just that... I.... I want the CD but I..... I already have three different King of Prism covers of it on my phone........... nnnrhg

So. 

I dunno about you guys. 

But basically my interpretation of this episode is that no matter what Taiga says....

Everything he’s done...

It was never about the street style.

It was always

ALWAYS

about Kazuki

And that makes a lot of sense.

Kazuki spends this entire episode being an apple. Taiga hates apples. Kazuki is a personification of something Taiga hates. But it changes nothing. He loves him. HE LOVES HIM. 

I always questioned whether Taiga’s feelings for Kazuki were pure admiration or true love. And now I know the answer. Probably both. 

So this ends what I know to be King of Prism SSS Part 1, as per the theatrical release. 

Next week is Kakeru and also the beginning of what I know as SSS Part 2. 

I don’t want to de-hype you guys that much, but I actually feel the Part 2 episodes are a good deal more low key than Part 1. But then again that doesn’t say that much for the King of Prism standard.  

I have been looking forward to Kakeru’s episode being released with subs for the sole reason of finally being able to clarify a lot of things I didn’t understand about it. But after seeing the subs this week. HMMM. 

[r-o-se]

A summary on Produce 101 Season 2 Episode 8 its ya boy back at it agian with another let’s play this time its evaluations and painful crying time

1.     BOA GOT THEM FOOD SHE GOT EVERYONE PIZZA

2.     Physically restraining myself from screenshotting everything Jinwoo appears in and posting those as the best moments

3.     They show the winners of each category again aka Taehyun, Jonghyun and Gunhee

4.     Sfkdjhlajk who said that those clips of hugging crying trainees are acceptable

5.     Seonho keeps saying 1, 2, 3 and looking at Guanlin as if he wants him to say ‘fighting’ but none of them will say it lmao I love my dumb chicks

6.     They showed solo clips of both Daniel and Jisung but not Jinwoo haha nice ;)

7.     Kiiahoiadjh Hyunbins failed b-boying how beautiful

8.     I am not emotionally prepared for this Jinwoo won’t make it I have too many goddamn faves just stab me

9.     Ok they’re showing concept evaluation stuff first this is basically like last season

10.  Im crying Jonghyun is 1st and BoA publically thanked him he is so shy and aaaaaaaahhhhh

11.  Ok the voters choose the best team and the idol that suits the concept best, most voted team gets FUCKING 220 000 VOTES!!! THE FUCK!! And the trainee who gets the most votes out of the team gets 100k votes, the rest from that team get 20k

12.  And here we gooooooooo the producers, first, Shihn Hyuk one did stuff for SHINEE!!!!!!!!! And also EXO and Justin Bieber I guess lol his song is ‘I Know You Know’

13.  Kigen & Assbrass from Monsta X next, they wrote hiphop song ‘Oh Little Girl’

14.  Ren’s visuals are done so dirty in this show I swear to god

15.  Next comes Geunwoo, ASHTRAY and Oh Seonghwan from Kyuhyun and Yesung who wrote a nu disco genre song ‘Showtime’ and LMAO THE CHOREO FOR IT HAS DONGMYEONG’S SIGNATURE DANCE AAAHAHAHAH POOR PLAGIARIZED ELIMINATED BABY

16.  Now composers called Devine-Channel who did songs for VIXX!!!! and BTS and their contribution is a Future EDM song ‘Open Up’

17.  TRIPLE H WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCKKKKKK THEY MADE A SONG

18.  It’s a Deep House genre song called ‘Never’

19.  Overall, Open Up and Never sound the best imo holy fuckkkkk those songs are LIT AS HELL

20.  Danik, Dongbin and Kiwon did the unthinkable and hinted at the songs they want and as a penalty they get sorted last

21.  I know Daniel wanted the fourth song which makes me emo bc I LOVE THAT SONG!!!! SO MUCH!!!!!! And now he cant get it lmao dumb boyo

22.  They look so ashamed aw

23.  Now everyone are getting sorted to songs, Baekho first aaaaaaand they didn’t show us what he got I don’t think they show any songs before the teams are full agh

24.  Everyone get their songs one but one and the reactions vary from jumping to absolute neutrality lol I’m not gonna say all of their names

25.  BoA brought up Samuels 15 place rank drop Kindly Shut Up Please

26.  Samuel, Sanggyun and Namhyung are all in one group

27.  Jaehwan also chose Hyunbin as the one he doesn’t want to be in a group with since he has already been with him twice aaaaaahahahhahah

28.  Jaehwan DOES want to be with Jonghyun and so do Baekho and Yongguk as well EVERYONE LOVES HIM THIS IS SO CUTEEEE

29.  JONGHYUN IS WITH JAEHWAN AND THEY HUG RIGHT AWAY!! CUTE!!

30.  Winkdeep are the only ones in their practice room well nvm THAT’S HYUNGSEOB all the cute popular visual ones are together again

31.  Taehyun joined the badassery that is Samuel, Namhyung, Sangbin and Sanggyun and Samuel IMMEDIATELY goes like OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!! SAME THO FUCK I LOVE TAEHYUN

32.  ???? Woodam went to the badasses room?? GOOD CONCEPT!!!

33.  Jihoon is discussing his endless aegyo techniques

34.  IT IS GUNHEE IN THE ROOM OF CUTIES!!! AND SUUNGWOON WITH JR

35.  The Sinners are all in that room and give their formal apologies aw kiddos it’s ok I don’t care lol

36.  Danik goes to the practice room where JINWOO IS!!!!!! YES!!!!AND SO DOES KIWON!

37.  Dongbin is with the cutie group lol

38.  The song for the badassery group is SHOW TIME!! Sangbin is dead inside but Samuel just gave a kiss to the song sign lmaooo

39.  Jonghyun group gets Never also HOLY SHIT this team has Jonghyun, Minhyun, Jaehwan and Seongwoo are all here it is like 2/3 of Sorry Sorry lol

40.  The cutie team gets Oh Little Girl  Justin looks so blessed out of this world and hugs w Hyunngseob YUEHUA PRIDE!!!!!

41.  All other group want open up lol

42.  Danik-Baekho group GETS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

43.  So the other group gets I Know You Know everyone are crying inside

44.  The temporary centers for Oh Little Girl are chosen now, Ren, Jihoon and Euiwoong all want to be center

45.  They are trying out and honestly I have such second hand embarrassment rn but everyone think Jihoon and Minki were better including Hyungseob whos labelmates with Euiwoong

46.  Wait so… Jungjung, Euiwoong, Justin and Hyungseob are ALL in the Oh Little Girl group damn whole Yuehua squad here

47.  KAHI JUST BOUGHT THIS YUEHUA THING UP!!! I SAW IT BEFORE!!!

48.  Euiwoong was really worried about doing mistakes but KAHI CONGRATULATED HIM BC HE DID RLY WELL!!! CUTE!! DON MILLS TOO!!! LIL KID SLAYING IT

49.  JINWOO LOOKS SO GOOD HERE!!!!

50.  Anyways Jinwoo was like maybe someone who is good with dance as the leader for Open Up team since it has a hard dance and Baekho was like ya what about Daniel AND THEN INSOO IS LIKE WHAT ABT U DONGHO IKAJAKI TRAINEES LOVE BAEKHO WILL MNET FINALLY STOP LYING

51.  Baekho still pushes it back to Daniel and Danik is like I’d totally love to be the leader JINWOO NODDING ALONG MMO PRIDE

52.  Apparently Daniel is having problems paying attention to all 12 people and Kenta is a bit salty over it and tbh I understand his reasoning

53.  But Daniel noticed it too and heh fucking apologized don’t drag him for this he’s younggg and doesn’t know that much about leading

54.  It’s Showtime team now and everyone want Woodam to be the venter but HWISEUNG IS THERE TOO!!! PAY ATTENTION TO MY BABE HES AMAZING AT HIGH NOTES GIVE HIM SCREENTIME!!!!!

55.  Hwiseung was 56 but raised to 36 LET MY BOY!!! LIVE!!! PLEASE!!!

56.  Taehyun recommends the cringefest that is facial expression battle

57.  Wtf the two ones who didn’t even sing got to be the centers what’s going ooooooonnn

58.  EVERYONE ARE SHOOK BY HWISEUNG AND WOODAMS ADLIBS AND FOR A GOOD REASON AAAAA THEY ARE SO GOODDDD

59.  He’s so cheerful and keeps cracking jokes LET MY BOY!!! DEBUT

60.  Never team is choosing the center I hope Sungwoon gets it tbh let my boy rise some ranks

61.  The centers are Guanlin and Minhyun rip I mean I love both of the kids but LET SUNGWOON SHINEE!! FOR ONCE

62.  SUNGWOON VOLUNTEERED FOR SOLO DANCE CHECKUP PLEASE DO WELL BABE I BELIEVE IN YOU HE DOES REALLY WELL IM SO GLAD BABE I LOVE U IM PROUD OF U I LOVE U LOTS PLEASE DO WELL

63.  HE DID WELL AND GOT PRAISED A SHITTON I AM SO PROUD BABE KILL IT KILLL IT WELL I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!! DEBUT!!! PLEASE!!!!!!

64.  I Know You Know has a shiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttton of low ranking trainees and I feel so so sorry for all of them ugh

65.  WHY IS HWANOONG SO LOW RANKS CMON PEOPLE!!! HE WAS CENTER!! HE IS FUNNY!! HE IS CUTE!!! WHY YALL HATING

66.  The centers are Donghan and Hwanoong and all of them got praised a lot by Kahi and even Hyunbin got the footwork down fml I’m so proud of my kids

67.  This elimination gonna hurt no matter what I got too many faves they show the lower ranked kids like Woo Jinyoung and Hwanoong and Dongbin and Justin and whatnot I AM SO SO EMO!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! LET MY KIDS LIVE

68.  Most of those kids already feel that they’re gonna drop and it’s so fucking depressing I love so many of those kids I feel so bad rn oh my fucking god II want to save them all I want them to be happy and popular and debut well

69.  23 of my own children are gonna be beat away from this show I am so angry anyways thte last time there was abt 2.5mil votes this time its GODDAMN 5.5 MILLION WHAT ON EARTH

70.  HYUNBINN SURVIVED THANKK GOD!!!! THANK FUCK!!!!!! I am not allowed to cry about each trainee I CANT

71.  YEHYUN MADE IT MY MUSICAL GENIUS!!!!! FUCK!! HIS STATS ARE LIKE A ROLLERCOASTER

72.  Moonbok deadass fell from 2nd to 32nd what the fuck this show is so unpredictable and I hate it

73.  KENTA BABY MADE EIT WITH 0 SCREENTIME I LOVE MY BOY SO MUCH

74.  Gunhee also made it what the fuck why is he such a low rank with the goddamn 110k benefit and you can see the light leave Hwanoongs eyes because if Gunhee is so low what happens to him

75.  Its HF and Woodam went up he fell like 10 places fuck he said ‘You’ll have to go up’ to Jinyoung IM SO SADD!! FUCK!!!!!

76.  SUNGWOON MADE IT!!! HE LOOKS LIKE A LIL CLOUD W HIS BLEACHED HAIR!! PROUD OF U BABE

77.  SUNGHYUK MADE IT AGAIN!!! ROSE SO FUCKING MUCH!!!! HE WAS 95 BUT NOW HE IS 24 WHAT ON E A R T H HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK

78.  TAEHYUN IS THERE!!!! HOTTSHOT BOYSSSSSSSSS IM PROUD HE HIGHFIVED SOMEONE IN THE LINE

79.  Oh my god 20th place trainee already has over 1mil votes this is fucking wild whos it gonna be ITS REN!!!!!! WHYS HE SO LOW!! HE FELL TWO PLACES WHAT THE FUCK

80.  Everyone are apologizing this is so sad also JIHOON ACTUAL ANGEL SAID HE MIGHT BE PERSUADED TO GIVE HIS CENTER POSITION TO REN WHAT ON EARTH

81.  Hwiseung is so bright and cute…. How does he do that….

82.  Jinwoo looks dead inside like he has already accepted his place…… but also proud and smiley at Jisung and Daniel… I’m so sad yall what the fuck

83.  WOOJIN DIDN’T HIGHFIVE YOUNGMIN AND WOOJIN RAN BACK FROM THE STAGE TO HUG HIM BRAND NEW PRIDE

84.  I hate Hwiseung why is he so good…. And loveable… in those dark times… fucking god I’m so sad

85.  BoA said cue and Seonho just stood up without the name and BoA was like wdym and Seonho is like it cant be Guanlin bc he’s a superstar

86.  KJALFSA HYUNGSEOB IS THANKING WOOJIN IN HIS SPEECH IM SO EMO THIS IS SO CUTEEEEEE

87.  SEWOON EXPOSED MNET BAEKHO AINT SCARY GET FUKT BOIIII ITS TOP 11 TIME NOW

88.  Oh my GOD it’s a god fucking damn cutscene are you SERIOUS!! Blocked anyways they have a punchinc machine it will be somekinda strength off and they deadass chopped the 1st place seat off and put it there

89.  HWISEUNG AND BYUNMIN ARE THE MC’S why are they doing this to me

90.  Ren is so dumb I love him how does he do THAT with his shoulders

91.  Seongwoo is there and he sure is making himself look cool he does into the trainees to go faaaaaaaaaaar so he can get the motion in and puts sooo much into the show BUT FUCKING STAYS UNDER 900 I LOVE MY DUMB SON HE IS SO STUPID AAAAAAHAHHA FUCK I LOVE HIM HES SO FUNNY EVERYONE ARE LAUGHING LIKE HYENAS

92.  Donghyun was embarrassing w his stretching but fuckin WRECKED that machine taking the throne from Sunghyuk who took it from Dongbin

93.  ITS BAEKHO TIME GODDAMN HWISEUNG SAID IT’S BOSS FIGHT LMAO I LOVE THEM

94.  His punching sound was so loud holy fuck AND HE GOT THE IDENTICAL SCORE!!! WHAT!! LMAO

95.  Rematch, Donghyun hit 949, Baekho 950 lmaooooooo MY SUNSHINE TIGER  

96.  We are back in the elimination its rank 11 ITS BAEKHO!! MY BABE!! MY FIRST BIAS!! POWER VOCAL DUMBO!!! LOVE U!!!!!!!! BoA asked him to do aegyo I’m so done lmaoooooooo

97.  Seeing low ranked trainees be quietly emo and cry is seriously the worst fucking feeling I’m so angry and sad

98.  JAEHWAN IN TOP 10 INDIVIDUAL TRAINEE PRIDE!!! I LOVE U BABE UR AMAZING BY VOCALS AND PERSONALITTY AND LOOKS I HOPE U DO WELL!!!!!

99.  Danik fell by 6 spots I’m emo and he even apologizes at everyone HE IS SO CUTE!!! FUCK!!! STAY UP THERE BABE

100.   Ong has a lot of male fans and Guanlin was like ‘I’m a fan too’ why shouldn’t you be tbh that dude is perfect in each way like hes pretty and can sing can dance ran rap and has a sense of humor the hell else do u want then

101.   Minhyun got 5th and his face on the big screen everyone are like fuck hes hot anyways HE SAID HE WANTS TO DEBUT W JAEHWAN I love how close Jaehwan is with 2hyun aaaaaaahhhh

102.   YOUNGMIN IN A PUPPY HUG PILE I LOVE U RED ALPACA BABE

103.   HE IS GONNA DO SOME BITCHASS ALPACA DANCE SINCE HE GOT 5TH AAAAHAHA SO CUTEEEEEEEEE

104.   The top 4 is Jihoon, Guanlin, Jonghyun and Daehwi

105.   Daehwi is 4 and thanked his mom in America poor kid HES CRYING!!!!!! HE HUGGED YOUNGMIN SO TIGHT!!! THIS IS SO FUCKING SAD!! FUCK POOR BABBIE

106.   JIHOON IS THIRD!! EVERYONE WERE SO READY THAT ITS GONNA B GUANLIN INCLLUDING HIMSELF

107.   OK OVERALL HOW THE FUCK DID GUANLIN GET SECOND!! GODDAMN AINT I SHOOK!!! GOOD JOB LIL CHICKEN

108.   JONGHYUN!!!!! BABY!!!! GENTLE SUNSHINE AND BEST LEADER!!! BEAUTIFUL SMILING CHILD!!! A BAB WEEB!!! IM SO PROUD!!!!!!! IL OVE HIM SO MUCH IM EMO!!!!!! HE CRIED ABOUT NBOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH THOSE YEARS BACK!! AND NOW HERE HE IS!!! NATIONS LEADER, LOVED AFTER FINALLY HAVING SOME EXPOSURE!!!!! FUCK YOU PLEDIS FUCK EVERYONE WHO HAVE SAID SHIT ABOUT HIM I LOVE HIM AND HE IS BEAUTIFUL AND GOOD FUCK YALL

109.   I’m dead Guanlin thanked Baekho and then asked BoA to buy them more food b a b e

110.   ITS TIME FOR THE 35TH!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!! THE CANDIDATES ARE SUNGWOO, DONGSU, DONGHAN AND EUNKI AND ALL OTHER OF MY FAVES ARE DEAD AS FUCK IM SO SAD RN

111.   DONGHAN MADE IT!!!!!!! BLONDIE BABY!!!!! HES CRYING SO HARD!!!!! I FEEL SO EMO ABOUT ALL OF MY FAVE BUT HE MADE IT!!!!! TAEHYUN LOOKED SO LUCKED OUT WHEN HE WAS ANNOUNCED!!!!!! BABY DOLL IM SO PROUD OF YOU YOU DESERVE IT!!!!!

112.   Hwiseung dropped 3 ranks this is why god doesn’t exist

 Overall THANKS MNET FOR ONLY GIVING HWISEUNG AND HWANOONG SCREENTIME WHEN THEY GET ELIMINATED LOVE YA

[vixen-vangogh]

polyvore was being a pain in the ass no matter how many words i tried to censor so here’s the life update i meant to put in that set

- have been living in a somewhat stable housing environment for almost a year and four-ish months now which is WILD and a huge record break for me.

- kind of have a partner? we're def QPPs and have been nomadic vagabond companions since like 2015 and have been sleeping in the same bed, cuddling, making life plans together hardcore since then. when i try to explain our relationship to others i explain that we are like Bert and Ernie from sesame street. it's not romantic but it's definitely a very serious thing and there is nothing i could forsee that would face our future that would not be faced together as companions. i was kind of chatting with a buddy the other day who was asking abt stuff and i was mentioning how an aphobe asked, 'how is this different from a best friendship, why do you need to call it a queerplatonic relationship?' and my instinct was to be all, 'well idk i mean i think most best friends don't stick their tongues in each others mouths' but like that said, some best friends do that and its totally legit but the main difference is we call it this because it is more accurate to the intricacies of our relationship.

a best friendship implies different things and a QPR is what we have been calling ourselves for some time.

- have come across the term alterous attraction many many moons ago and have concluded that more or less, this has been the basis for all the experiences of 'attraction' i have thought i felt in other categories. turns out i just love being pro/miscuous and cuddly and affectionate with people and it doesn't necessarily have to have any of the other attractions present. it's just an expression of my alterous attraction. and idk it just seems to make way more sense. someone said it was a commonplace for pre-questioning lesbians to make up to themselves crushes on boys with calculations involved about why this person is attractive.

i think maybe i do experience other forms of attraction but they're seldom enough that it's more anecdotal. and i'm going to call them crushes anyway bc it doesn't matter what i say or do - people are going to be confused by me and who i am and i shouldn't have to sacrifice the nuances involved in who i am and how i live my life to try and get smaller minds to understand it.

and nobody has to understand either. i don't even understand. that's heckin ok bro

- i've been on them 'ro/ids (testosterone) on and off for three months in spring/summer 2016 (androderm) and then the injections for some amount of time this year and there's been a lot of body changes. but mainly i'm looking at nu/des of other people on hormones and realizing like... what if I'm actually inters/ex? it makes no sense for my di/ck to be bigger than people a year on hormones in half the time, does it? like what's up there? and my body is signif hairier in a way that is noticeable to me and my QPP.

last week when I got the inje/ctio/n the nurse (who is a really nice lady? like smiley very friendly maternal type) asked me "how did you know?" without other context or anything.

I didn't really know how to begin because honestly no one had ever asked me that before and it's the one question I needed somebody else to answer back when I was like, 15/recently 16 and needed help finding myself. I wished future me could visit past me and tell me like, "hey jsyk this is what you concluded, here's the answers, and here's all the stuff I've realized about our past experiences that were actually Signs that you're #genderqueer"

and I think, another thing, I wish I could have told the past me, that the laws were going to rapidly change in my lifetime, and also to avoid any cis person who suggests therapy "for hormone starts" because that's what led me to like, 2 years of rather unhelpful talk therapy that turned into lowkey conversion therapy.

No one should ever make you write a sob story about your past before they allow you the autonomy to make decisions about your body.

I gave a little backstory of timeline and told her how my mom kept saying things like, "why are you so offended at the idea of being a woman?" etc and how we don't speak anymore, how I came out in 2011 and every day for the longest time I had to explain to other trans people who the heck I was. how my nonbinaryness was seen more as a delusion despite the fact that I found the wikipedia pages and message boards and I knew there were other people like me out there. I didn't know of another #nonbinary person until 2013 and even then I only met them in passing at a panel they hosted. (we ended up roommates for a bit around 2016 but that's another story)

I stopped having to give #genderqueer 101s to the LGBT+ community around 2014.

And I feel like after that Laverne Cox paved a lot of way for us, and Facebook started putting other genders on there (which I'd signed petitions for years before and considered to be a hoop dream)

and there's been corrective r/a/pe I've gone through and so many tears I've cried and sui/cide attempted and hospital visits

and things are definitely still horrific and I can never afford groceries. I don't eat enough to sustain myself and live on welfare and am too medicated and disabled to work and have tachycardia and PTSD and other complications of my own forced resilience

but I'm on testosterone or whatever and I look at the changes that have gone on and I know that I was a part of that

but I'm never going to get credit for it and it pains me how much I'm suffering because I started advocating earlier than the majority of trans people out today.

if I had come out to my mom years later, would we be speaking?

it doesn't ultimately matter, because if we kept speaking I still would have ended up d/ead. coming out and having her react like that, topped with her steal/ing from me when I was homeless, years of sui/cide baiting, physical + emotional + etc a/buse my whole life, it's miraculous I ever made it out alive

it's so painful but I just have never had the privilege of choice.

- I've been thinking to go back to school maybe and that I need to actually go at it full force with passion because I think I have gotten way too down on myself for the results that have come from my own halfa/ssery of it all. And my own procrastination etc.

I wish I had access to medical care as a child or counselling or something more than I ever did have because maybe I would have excelled in school instead of suffered to try and keep my head above water. I mean, I graduated honours (equivalent).

there's too much about my life to be angsty about.

- also idk if i mentioned this but i got ar/rested for protecting indigenous folks at a thing and it was in the news and im not going to talk much more on it bc of privacy but i'm happy to dig up the video of the pol/ice dragging me away and the crowd shouting (and gendering me right ;u;) "LET THEM GO, LET THEM GO" and i was a pathetic mess thru the whole thing and just had the wrong emotions the whole time and like 3+ reporters tried to get a hold of me for interview but I forwarded them to the indigenous leaders of the ceremony instead

we prayed inside the arre/st tent and put down tobacc/o and held ceremony and the c/ops were horrible and took so much personal offence to everything we were and every reality that happened that they wanted to deny. they banned us from the public land we were arrested on and it was horrible.

it was in the news and justin tr*deau showed up for a photo op and the organizers weren't allowed in their own tipi. he wasn't invited.

those with the land claim to the area made an official statement welcoming us and condemning the go/vernme/nt for arrestin/g us.

nothing was ever done about that bit other than them releasing us and i went to the hospital the next day to get my wrist checked because i couldn't really use it and the handcuf/f bruises and the bruise on my knee was massive. it's been two months and it's only now faded.

twitter blocked the image of us in the a/rrest tent holding hands in prayer with the hand/cuffs on our wrists. they said it contained "sensitive content"

tumblr did the same, calling it "NSFW" (weird bc literally photographs of my actual na/ked body with links to where u can buy videos of me jerkin is not labelled NS/FW automatically lol?????)

i asked tumblr to review that and they still labelled it as such.

it's just so blatantly a genuine broach of free speech and freedom of religion. it was a crimi/nalized religious ceremony and i got between the co/ps and a woman praying.

- i saw Against Me! in march and the mosh pit was extreme and I fell down at some point and like seven people pulled me up and that and the getting arre/sted thing has really hecked up my knees ! i feel like they're mostly healed since but i've not even been kneeling on my mattress for even a second to make sure of this. otherwise it's just been sudden pain for months but as i said, i think they're a lot better now.

- i came forward abt a pr/edatory ex and a few others of their victims came to me to say that they had gone through the same and that they were even more pre/datory than had been with me. i lost quite a lot of friends in the matter bc what i accused them of was extremely serious and came across as vicious on my part.

i'm going to take it as alright though, because i know that i've put what i said out there, and if they have read it at all, they can at least have these ideas in their mind going forward and take precautions. this ex was confronted publically and directly on social media about it and there were several witnesses and screenshots i had to things they did and said. i'm hoping that serves as some kind of warning for them, about their actions that they have confessed to with several people, and how these things will come back for them. that they cannot evade accountability, that i am a force of nature and if you wrong me or do a wrong in my witness with no remorse on your part or apology, i'm not going to let you live it down.

i care and i am tired of hearing horrible stories about them from others. others who came to me saying that i had been painted as an abus/er. because i know ! people see me standing up for myself as threatening all the time. they worry they aren't allowed to make mistakes around me.

no matter how many times i say it or prove it, there's always those people who are too cowardly to admit when they do make mistakes and who go to great lengths to protect their pride and entitlement.

i know we are all growing. i seek environments of mutual support and growth. i am now in a phase of life where i am not giving the time to people who have no interest in these environments. anyone can be my friend, if they are ready for it. but i don't owe it to anybody and anything wrong i have done i am at a point where i feel like i am in touch with my own humility.

and if someone tries to milk it because they think my vulnerability isn't also strength and something that comes with at least some ferocity... well, that's not my problem.

- my rabbit Snicklefritz is doing fine. he's shedding like the dickens this season and mischievous as usual but hopefully one day I can afford to make him an enclosure again and I can let him out only when I can keep track of him.

he's ruined a lot of sketchbooks and a lapdesk my QPP got me for the winter holidays that we are both heartbroken about.

- I am trying to become less attached to material belongings and it has helped me a lot when it comes to coping with all the sentimental items left with my mother or in the various times I've been homeless or left exes etc over the years.

My memories are in my heart and not something that needs to be placed externally, in an item.

Have also trying to go zero waste (like, becoming someone who produces no garbage, just recycling and compost) and it's really been noticeable all these small differences. I buy way more bananas, lettuce, etc. And I've been making bread and spaghetti and whatnot and having windowsill gardens.

- I'm not cured of anything or whatever and I'm angsty 24/7 and broke as heckaroo but there's enough of The Little Things In Life (gardening, youtube videos, kisses, etc) to help me get by in the meantime.

- three days ago a friend (who I consider(ed) chosen family) I had purposefully cut out of my life a year ago showed up on my doorstep to tell me I was right about everything and to apologize for all the wrongs. That they reread conversations we had around then and that they have grown and grown into a better place. They were 18 then and 19 now. We were from the same hometown and they're still there but moving to my city in December. I missed them so much and they stayed with me a few days. I feel a bigger sense of home in this city knowing they're going to live here soon too.

- I've been Really Intensely looking thru my DNA and geneology stuff since last winter. For some reason Indian (like, South Asia) shows up in my DNA and some southern Europe/Northern Africa/Middle East kind of region. My father was adopted via a stepdad and I figure this comes from his bio dad. Or maybe it doesn't, I don't really know. My maternal haplotype is supposed to be one that's generally found in African populations which throws that whole theory. My mom and me also had to use hair picks (afro picks) when I was growing up because our hair was so naturally thick and the waves really tangled up. Every time we went to get my hair cut in that white rural town the hairdressers would comment how they'd never seen such thick hair before etc. I'm still struggling greatly to find answers because everybody's last name is phoenetically weird except for my dad's mom's line which has an extremely Cornwall last name and anyone with that name is definitely part of that family.

Doing research to find what I was told growing up (that I was Kanien'keha:ka via my maternal grandmother's grandmother) has been very difficult because I'm not sure which grandmother of hers it was, and one of them seemed to remarry several times and I cannot be sure of any of the surnames being a maiden name. It's also really hard to know what the spelling was supposed to be because it was written phoenetically. But I think that one's likely English anyway. The other one I haven't reached yet but my grandmother's father's father seemed to be from a Metis community outside a reserve where I remember being told we had ancestors. It seems we're descendants of some really famous anglo Metis folk. I've not figured out the specific links to lock the names all into place properly in my family tree but it's the surname and the small community that are an exact match and on the message boards.

It's a lot to think about. I've been struggling with my racial identity for a long time and regardless of nuances and ethnic identity I feel like I'm just doing this research to seem special or more interesting or to branch out my activism. DNA is not ever going to tell me who my ancestors were, just the locations a small handful of random specific ancestors lived. Family trees are going to help, but they're not going to help me too much as someone who doesn't actually have blood family I'm in contact with really.

I might see if I can get in touch with an older cousin I have on Pinterest because she seemed to be the only one (besides my younger cousin) who really ever sent me vaguely kind gestures after I came out. She was the only one who seemed to be supportive when I did my grandma's eulogy. (Aside from my sibling who went up with me. But I don't speak to my sibling for other reasons.)

I have a paternal cousin as well but we're more half-cousins as my dad's mom had a few different men in her life and I don't actually know if he does have full bio-siblings. I don't really know if it's worth it to reach out to her because with all the technicalities and separations and adoptions and half-relatives I don't know whether I can ask her to ask around, or if I can just ask her, or what.

Anyway whatever it's just easiest to explain my ethnicity as being Metis because talking with others and stuff it seems like maybe this is the best way to label myself, to explain my complicated history and acknowledge that my blood ties are not what makes me me, but rather my ethnic ties. I have traditions and beliefs and ancestors I'm reconnecting with and trying to find.

Not all my ancestors were great people. But it is interesting as heck to learn about them. (Especially seeing pictures and some of the weirder resemblances from like, 5th great grandparents.)

Also one of my greats of grandparents crossed the US-Canada border several times in his life and near the end of them the border agent wrote "seems odd" on the thing and I haven't found any explanation for why he was crossing the border either lol which is pretty dang interesting imo.

- anyway idk I think I'm good ?? have been getting a lot of new interests and hobbies lately which feels good, feels right

i'm getting muscles because of them hormones and probably eating healthier or whatever and drinking more water and just livin life as best i can

could use some more dollars however but what can u do when welfare doesn't go up to match minimum costs of living haha :)

[cinder-timber]

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i did all these instead of working on my articles due today

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? cause i’m dumb af and cause i’m thinking about everything and making myself anxious

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? sometimes i get them from my mom when like something big is about to happen (like when i had auditions and stuff) or i’m feeling sick. they’re sweet

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? yeah. i mean i’m not going to just drop them. i’m not an ass. but like. it could be an issue

4: Do you find it easy to trust others? not really but i like to think the best of people. like i’m really guarded but kinda hopeful too. i w a n t to trust others but i don’t do it well

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? trying to get motivation to do my work

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? idk i’m probably doing it alone tbh. i f anyone, i’d hope zuma or peter

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?cry. a lot. cycle between anger and sad. I’d give them a chance to maybe like explain or to fix it. but that trust is ruined. and i’d probably eventually end it8: Are you close with your dad? yeah but no. like, im a lot closer with my mom and i’ll share stuff with her but like. i love my dad there’s just some (a lot of things) that i’m like nope

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? heck off

10: What are you listening to? podcast. Off topic. not really listening though i just can’t sit in silence

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? apple juice maybe

12: Do you like hickeys? never had them so. but maybe. i like the fact that they usually mean someone had a real nice time

13: What time do you go to bed? whenever my body just. shuts down. usually i wake up like fuck i fell asleep

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? myself bit c h

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? not as quick but still pretty dang quick

16: Do you always answer your texts? i try but sometimes i A) don’t know how to respond B) can’t find the energy to C) the text makes me anxious and i can’t even look at it17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? No. Opposite

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? like. fifteen minutes ago. talk talk though, Thursday

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? Zuma, Layla

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? Let’s just say it was bad things

21: Is anyone else in the room with you? nah

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? a bit. very satisfying when it happens

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? about four months ago i was home with my dog so no.

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? kinda. not like we hate each other and i wish i could fix it but like. yeah

25: In the past week, have you cried? yeah

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? black. it’s usually safe to assume i’m wearing black

27: Do people ever call you by your last name? not really

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? i feel like it but i’m probably just overthinking like usual

29: Do you have a best friend? Zuma

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? no last person i kissed so

31: Who was your last call/text message from? zuma and how he’s basically furby jesus

32: Are you mad at anyone? not really. frustrated but not mad

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? no

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? 0

35: How many more days until your birthday? 38 days

36: Do you have any summer plans yet? i have a study abroad trip in June. Plan on seeing Zuma at some point but other than that, no

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? yes

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? eh

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? i have several

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? hasn’t happened

41: Do you think age matters in relationships? yes but like. extremes.

42: Are you available? Y E S

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? one?

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? i have a septum piercing. i wanted a industrial bar but my ear is too tiny. some other earring piercing that i can’t remember the name for. i like labret piercings (the one on like your bottom lip in the middle). if i was more confident with my tummy and would actually show it off, a belly button piercing. 45: Do you believe exes can be friends? depends on how it ended but yeah. i’d hope so. i can’t imagine getting that close to someone and then just. ending it. it makes me anxious thinking about it

46: Do you regret anything? many a things

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? mean things that i’m not gonna worry people with

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?no. i’ve lost a friend but she was more a “friend” 49: Was your last kiss a mistake? 😒

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? because i know for a Fact it will not happen/work

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? 😒😒

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? 😒😒😒53: What was the last thing you ate? a pack of fruit snacks

54: Did you get any compliments today? i have not even seen anyone today

55: Where are you going on your next vacation? i probably won’t until my study abroad trip. maybe a small trip for my birthday

56: Do you own anything from other countries? postcards

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? it’s a pretty even split tbh

58: Where have you lived most of your life? Tennessee

59: When was the last time you took a long drive? ok like. how long is a long drive? to me that’s like five hours. and i haven’t done that in a while

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?no61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? nope

62: Who do you text the most? Zuma

63: What was the last movie you saw?Logan64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? 😒😒😒

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011? none 😒😒😒😒

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? 😒😒😒😒😒😒

67: Do you curse around your parents? very small doses. and when i’m like relaying a story usually

68: Are you happy with where you live? eh

69: Picture of yourself? in a second

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? i’m pretty sure i’m a monogamous person. if i did the open end, it’d have to be a we’re all three in a relationship together kind of thing.

71: Have you ever been dumped? no

72: What do you most like about making out? 😒😒😒😒😒😒🖕🏻

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? no

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? smiles are pretty nice

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? i think zuma. if not him, no one

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? nah

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? listen i’ve never had sex and tbh not the biggest fan of it

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your faceanimals. and when someone does/says something nice about me. like honestly someone tagged me in something like offhandedly nice and i almost cried and screenshotted and stared at it for like twenty minutes

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? idk there’s a lot of variables to consider in that. but it’s not a hard no

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? no

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? n o

83: Do you miss your last sweetie? sigh

84: Last time you slow danced with someone? like senior prom two years ago.

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?never dated. the never met part makes me anxious though. i gotta know a little bit about them 86: How can I win your heart? we just have to like. get along, kinda click. it’s not that hard

87: What is your astrological sign? Taurus

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?i think i was in the shower89: Do you cook? yeah. i think pretty decently too

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? no

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? yes

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? i don’t do either

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? physically, i’m really not picky. i find a good majority of people attractive

94: Name four things that you wish you had!1. my dog2. more pets3. a relationship or something like it at least. (i just need cuddles man)4. my best friend being not so far away

95: Are you a player? no

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? no

97: Are you a tease? i don’t think so

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? Zuma. Burrowing owl

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? i think so but idk

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? yeah

101: Hugs or Kisses?either one honestly102: Are you too shy to ask someone out? I’m too shy to say yes to anything even remotely close, let alone ask someone out

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? that they’re. the opposite sex i guess. idk. something unique about them (anyone tbh)104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? i mean. i’ve been called babe by friends before. i might find it cute when it’s said romantically but idk

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? Fuck no. Fuck anyone that does that

106: Do you flirt a lot? no

107: Your last kiss?

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012? who does this. who does all this kissing that there’s so many kissing questions

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month? W h y

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be? stop

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next? enough

112: Does someone like you currently? lmao no

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone? kinda

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? serious. i get too attached to people for flings

115: Ever made out with just a friend? no. we do little nose or forehead kisses but never made out

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship? idk