#This year is all about giving myself grace and forgiveness.

[bylightofdawn]

Man, I hope people don’t mind random-ass perspective shifts in a chapter because this one has like swapping back and forth between Jaster and Myles pretty shamelessly. I tend to TRY and stick with one POV per chapter but if I can’t, I’ll generally try and swap it at like a major chapter break.

This chapter though it starts out very much from a Myles POV for like….a short bit and then I was like ‘whelp swapping to Jaster. -has him wander out of the room to make a phonecall to Plo- then have him wander back in, speak with Myles and now it’s swapping over to Myles POV for this next part for very important plot reasons.

I myself as a reader, I don’t really care. I DO notice when it’s like a co-written fic where I think people were pretty much just RP’ing and then they just altered it to be a fanfic after the fact. When you can see those major POV shifts from where one author hands off to another. And they don’t quite make the transition as smooth as it could be then I’ll notice cause it stands out sorta like a sore thumb. Again, it’s not anything I’m going to put down a fic for but I do notice those kinds of things.

And typically just for coherency’s sake, I’ll try and stick with one POV for a scene or even an entire chapter.

Then I get outlier chapters like this and get randomly paranoid people are going to notice and or care. And realistically? Who is REALLY going to care about that but me? The neurotic, chronic over-thinking self-catastrophizer that I am?

No one cares, Karen.

And sometimes, you just gotta tell yourself that over and over again until you either believe it or bully yourself into getting out of your own head. Or at times, make it worse and you get stymied cause that 1,000% can happen as well. Ask me how I know?

Seriously, the amount of needless self-doubting and overthinking I will do, ya’ll don’t even see a sliver of that shit show. I will grind to a FUCKING DEAD STOP mid-scene and spend an hour needlessly researching one little point that literally no one but I will notice or care. But can I stop myself from having that almost compulsive need to research and make sure I’m using the right medical term or describing something correctly in hopes one person who might work in that field will notice and appreciate my obsessive need for correctness? Or worse, they are in said field, I fucked it up and then it stands out to THEM as much as a sore thumb?

I cannot be the only person who does this, right?

EDIT: Also? Fanfic writing is not going great this morning, mainly because I am not a morning person so it's hard to fucking FOCUS especially when I'm going on life five hours of sleep to boot.

My brain is an ADHD dragonfly that flits from one topic to another seemingly on a whim. As anyone who looks at my blog and the random amount of reblogs and random bullshit I've been posting the past hour or two can attest.

I'm debating giving up and just taking a shower to try and fully wake up for work because I can barely keep my eyes open and I keep yawning like crazy.

Bleh, sometimes you just can't write and I am trying to get better about being kind to myself when ADHD brain kicks in and I cannot simply sit down and focus on my fic long enough to get more than a few words at a time written.

And that's perfectly okay. It does not make me bad a author or a failure as a writer. I just need to put the fic away and go do something else instead. The words will come eventually.

[transexualpirate]

some of the best janus quotes from his grwm imo:

- "the only opinion that matters is yours"

- "everyone else is less than you"

- "i have to make a point to buy more glue sticks remus keeps eating mine"

- "i basically just yk. shed my skin two or three times a year."

- "i also dont have any pores, have you considered not having pores?"

- "ew. get away from me. i dont like you,,,, roman-"

- "the swedes... they're up to something."

- "whatever. we all have our flaws- not me of course"

- "i love to gossip. that's something i know about myself. and i accept it. and i forgive myself for it. and because of that i no longer have to work on it"

- "guilty pleasures? why would a pleasure be guilty?"

- "me me memememe man im gorgeous look at me did i get handsomer overnight"

- "unlike a lot of people you meet, the block button is your friend. don't be afraid to block a bitch."

- "steal chapstick. who cares. it's chapstick."

- "i give you janus: she is beauty she is grace she will lie right to your face"

[kingofpopmj]

Happy Birthday My King.

Today, like every other day, I think of you.

I love you more than words can express.

Forever in awe that a person as selfless as you exists in this world.

It’s been an emotional few days, but as always Michael has inspired me. Specifically, to share a little more about myself.

Michael is my hero for many reasons.

I’ll never be able to explain each one— I don’t think I’ll ever have enough time to list all the reasons he means so much to me. This incredible man is threaded into the depths of who I am.

My childhood was nonexistent to put it simply. I experienced many forms of abuse. It took me so many years to understand it and even longer to find my voice. I put in the work to find my strength. It wasn’t easy and there were numerous times I wanted to give up. Thankfully, something or should I say someone, helped me fight my way through the darkness instead of continuing to be consumed by it. And, for the first time, I realized I was worthy of peace and carried power within my soul to move forward. Most importantly, I wasn’t alone. Eventually, I was able to face the evil that stole so much from me with my head held high.

Michael’s voice guided me every step of the way. He taught me how to handle every obstacle with grace and love no matter how difficult it might be.

I admire his talent, but who he is as a person led me through the worst moments of my life.

He is truly the only worth while role model I’ve ever had and I’m so grateful for him.

He taught me how to fight for myself. He taught me how to lead with love. He taught me how to forgive. He taught me how to live.

He saved me in every possible way one person can save another. For that, no amount of appreciation will ever be enough. I will forever hold him close to my heart. I’ll protect him, the same way he did for me. Endlessly.

Thank you Michael.

[sanaexus]

please please please- "this better be a fucking joke"

keeping your phone back in your pocket, you try to think of an solution which isn't the easiest thing to do when your ex is breathing down on your neck. but hey! positive thoughts only right? he didn't recognize you yet, which made sense considering the last time he saw you, you probably looked like an oompa loompa with a haircut that could rival michael kaisers's, but that was in the past (right?)

suddenly something clicked, if he didn't recognize you, you could just leave without being noticed and feeling bad. so that's exactly you tried, until a voice called out to you.

"leaving so soon?" the heterochromatic called out.

"just like you did every time?" oh. OH. you weren't supposed to say that, you didn't even realise you said that.

he let out a chuckle, "credit where credits due, i was a pretty stupid kid."

"pretty is bit of an understatement no?"

"debatable, i guess i own an explanation huh?"

"you kinda sorta definately do."

"well should we head out? not anywhere far away of course, just not with much people around"

"yeah alright" is all you said before you follow him to some corner of the arcade, looking around you spot a certain blue-headed man, an unconscious smile graced your lips, which didn't go unnoticed by the man beside you.

"who's got you smiling like that?"

"can you shut up and get to the point?"

"yeah yeah, but before i do, just hear my side out i know it doesn't excuse what-"

"nothing's ever gonna excuse cheating ok no sorry continue"

"like i was saying before i was VERY rudely interrupted, i know no matter what i say, it won't justify what i did but that aside-"

suddenly you see a mop of light blue hair infront of you, T-posing for 'asserting dominance' "DON'T FEAR WHEN I AM HEAR-oh fuck wait am i interrupting something important?"

"hiori OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"gaslighting gatekeeping girlbossing of course" the man flipped his almost non existent hair and shaking some of that gyatt

"get out please get out oh my god why are you like this"

hiori before glaring at the purple headed-man, "this creature is staying?"

"yes now go, i'll call you when i need you okay?" you do a shoo-ing motion as hiori skips away.

"right uhm are they always like that..?"

"no, not really, now please for heavens sake stop stalling and explain yourself already"

"right so uh i'd like i was a very dumb high-schooler, and no doesn't excuse me cheating but i was a horny fuck, and you were always so busy i just couldn't do it anymore.."

"first of all you're still a horny fuck, and second why didn't you just end it then why did you have to resort to cheating..?" you were trying really hard not to cry but the voice crack probably gave you away, even just the thought of you not moving on from him nearly 2 years later, disgusted you.

"i don't know, i liked you i really did and i didn't wanna lose it but i didn't want to stay either, and i couldn't exactly explain myself, so i resorted to cheating." he explained, it was confusing if he really was feeling guilty and regretful.

"oh, uh i forgive you, ok no i don't but i've moved on from that, we were just kids and shit happens and i can't always hold it against you relationship goes both ways and so does the break up."

"i'm glad we got that cleared out wait you forgive me, so does that mean i can take you out on a date maybe?" he asked a bit hopeful

"oh my god aik-oliver you haven't changed at all, have you?"

"not aiku this time? you wound me, but is that a yes?"

"nope i still need some time to think uh how about you give me your number and i text you within this week if we can go out?"

"yeah that sounds nice." you take out your phone handing it to him as he types his number and saving it as "baby daddy"

"oh ew oliver ew!" you make fake gagging noises.

"hey! i'm not that disgusting...right?"

"i never said that, you're putting words in my mouth, but it was nice meeting again i'll see you around yeah?" and before you could reply you run off to find hiori and when you don't (big shocker) you figured you'd let the gc know (big mistake btw)

please please please ¡! - an isagi yoichi social media fic

synopsis modeling was fun, especially when you go to make friends and what happens when that exact friend goes to the same high school? the friendship of course continues into college. where you get your heart broken and the internet gets to know but then you meet a certain someone that makes you fall for them. so what happens then? chaos.

taglist is open¡! : @fairlyfuji , @semisutopia, @someprettyname , @csbnova , @ashlovelys , @chateaaa , @yeurisstuff , @starchivves , @m3gitsune ,@muffin-0 , @gojosexpiredcum , @bbmsxlene , @profesionalglazer

divider by @/xxbimbobunnyxx. all credits to her!

sorry guys no funfacts today 🙁 GUYS TRUST ISAGI WILL COME JS LET ME COOK PLS 🗣🗣💯💯🤬🤬😎😎💣💣🔥🔥‼‼💯💯🔛🔝

also I AM SO SORRY WHY IS THIS SO BAD WHY CAN'T I WRITE SHIT OMG I'M GONNA CRY also maybe double update bc i dont wanna fall off and seeing 99+ notifs makes me happy

[ssparksflyy]

my tears ricochet but its jason grace and his 'lover' that he cant be bothered to give attention to

"even on my worst day, did i deserve, babe all the hell you gave me? 'cause i loved you, i swear i loved you 'til my dying day" but its his lover knowing she wasnt perfect, but also knew she didnt deserve the way he treated her.

"i didn't have it in myself to go with grace and you're the hero flying around, saving face" but its his lover watching him be everybody else's hero and prioritizing people he hardly knew.

"and if i'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? cursing my name, wishing i stayed" but its his lover watching him at her funeral from elysium and seeing how pathetic he's acting, saying he misses her, as if he didnt once tell her in an argument she was the last thing on his mind at the time.

"you know i didn't want to have to haunt you but what a ghostly scene, you wear the same jewels that i gave you as you bury me" but it's the way he can't think of anything else but her, no matter how hard he tries, after she's gone. but it's the way that he had the audacity to wear the necklace he gave her when they started dating to the funeral.

"'cause when i'd fight, you used to tell me i was brave" but its their 'honeymoon phase' where he used to treat her as if she was the only person he'd ever care for.

"and i can go anywhere i want, anywhere i want, just not home" but it's the way he infiltrated her home that once adored her and made it all about him. the way camp half blood was once the only real home she ever knew, but now it wasn't. the way that jason once served as a home to her, only for a very short amount of time, but she was incapable of reaching that home as well.

"and you can aim for my heart, go for blood, but you would still miss me in your bones" but it's the way that he now realizes and regrets how much and badly he hurt her. the way she'll forever haunt him. the way he refuses to ever forgive himself and knows that apart of him died in shame that day.

"and i still talk to you (when i'm screaming at the sky)" but it's the way that when she was alive, his lover would beg all the gods for a way out. the way she wouldn't allow herself to leave but begged for the strength to continue fighting for his love that simply was no longer there.

"and when you can't sleep at night (you hear my stolen lullabies)" but its the way that jason can't stop replaying the one video he has of her singing by the campfire and the way he can't fall asleep without listening to it.

"you had to kill me, but it killed you just the same" but it's the way that jason could've saved her from dying, but chose to help another camper in need, thinking you'd just get hurt and would heal eventually. the way that decision is the reason why he can't get out of bed in the morning, the way that decision is what causes him to lose himself.

"you turned into your worst fears" but its the way that jason realizes that he's no better than his father, the man he hates most, for being so careless and heartless when it came to somebody who loved and adored him in a way nobody else could.

"look at how my tears ricochet" but it's jason grace and his lover who both lost themselves for each other, but at different times. one of those times, being far too late.

his lover died in battle against an invasion of monsters in the woods of camp half blood. jason saw her just minutes before she passed, knowing he couldve helped her, but instead decided to help the camper who was only a year younger than her and who's name he didnt know. he figured she'd be fine and accepted the fact she'd get hurt, but knew she would heal later. years later, he's still killing himself from within for being unable to answer the question, if he knew it all then, would he do it again?

[1whore1gang]

Ghost Drabble

“I thought you were dead.”

Hey friends!! Ghost won the pill so here’s a short and shitty little drabble for y’all.

It’s not super inappropriate, lots of grief, mentions of losing a child, lots of foul language.

Love you guys!!! Enjoy and PLEASE lmk what you wanna see! You guys are the readers after all so i wanna cater to YOUR ideas!! 🫶🏻

“No. I-“ She took a deep breath as she focused on her word choice. “Why, no- how are you here? I don’t get it.”

“Please, just let me explain.” Simon tried to reason with her as his heart beat out of his chest. “Please you have got to hear me out.”

“I’m listening but you better talk fast.” Her tone was a mixture of fear and command.

“It’s not what you think. When I joined this team, I wanted a new identity. I didn’t want to be who I used to be, the one who was tortured, the one who went through all that loss and pain. It’s not like I had anything left in my life anyways-“ Before he could finish with ‘but you’, she cut him off.

“You didn’t have anything?! Simon-“

“It’s Ghost here, they don’t want anyone leaking my identity.” He quickly corrected her and she looked at him offended, tears turning her eyes glossy. She paused for a moment her mouth agape.

“First of all, it’s not ‘ghost’.” Her words were mocking the name. “It’s Simon, because that’s who you were to me. You were Simon Riley, my Simon.” She accentuated her words. “Do you not understand what you meant to me? What weight you held in my life?” She paused, almost waiting for an answer, but he didn’t even open his mouth. “Second of all, you had me. You had our life. You had our daughter.”

Her statement bit him. It felt like a knife had went through him. “And when I was grieving her death you know what else I was doing?!” Her tone escalated to one of anger. “I was mourning you!!!”

Her face was now etched into his mind forever, sure to haunt his dreams from now on. Tears were streaming in rivers down her face, staining the collar of her shirt. Her eyebrows were furrowed in sorrow, her lip quivering. “I’m so sorry.”

That’s all he could muster. He knew no excuse would suffice for what he left her to endure alone. “Where were you?” She asked in a pleading voice, needing answers.

“They wouldn’t let me see you. Said it was for my privacy and identity security.” Simons voice began to crack, and she began to soften, it was something she’d never seen. “I wanted to run to you, hold you in my arms, apologize for leaving you the way I did. It tore me to shreds knowing you were battling it alone, and it haunted me knowing what I did.”

Simon took in a shaky breath as tears of his own formed. “I dreamed of coming home to you, comforting you. They wouldn’t fucking let me.” His voice went quiet as he cursed his superiors. “If I wouldn’t have been faced with serious consequences, I would’ve broke every rule, but the consequences would’ve set us further apart.”

She stood speechless. She was so lost in this moment, not knowing how to go about Simon this way. From childhood to now, this is the first time she’d ever seen him cry. “Simon…”

“It was my plan to eventually have you find me, I just didn’t think it’d take this long.”

Again, she stood evaluating every movement of his face, the expressions, the way his eyebrows twitched when she met his eyes. She couldn’t deny the pang in her chest, the one of pain. “I know I don’t deserve it, but would you ever grace me with your forgiveness?”

He waited in silence, his nerves tingling with each passing moment. Simon carefully watched as she opened her mouth before hesitating and closing it again. “Simon, it’s been almost 10 years since you faked your death and I got that dreaded phone call. I was only 20 years old with a 2 year old all alone. You should’ve known at the age of 25, that I was too young. I was still a kid myself in ways. You left me to raise a kid when I was barely an adult, the pain I went through at such a young age because I let my childhood best friend give me his last name.”

Simon nodded, agreeing what he did was wrong. “But, when she passed, I felt like I had aged 10 years because I had to mature fast to be a mom raising her child by herself. She was only 4 Si, and she never even got to see her dad, let alone know him. But, in the end, I know what this job can do.”

Her chest raises as she takes in a deep breath. “I know what they can ask of you and how easily it is for the wrong person to know your face, your name. I don’t forgive you right now, but I’m willing to work on it on one condition.”

Simon answered almost too quickly, “Anything.”

[twopoppies]

i’m currently 22, and sometimes i think about when harry was 22 and it kind of shocks me because he was such a man already. 22, 23, and i feel like he’d lived so much, had done so much. i think about where i am in life, who i am, and although i’ve had grown up due to the loss of my parents, i still feel like such a child. i can’t speak for how he felt (or feels), but he gave off such a mature energy already. like you would expect from someone who’s seen a lot of things, done a lot of things. back when i was a kid/teen, the artists i admired (harry included) were, like, in their early twenties, and it felt so unreachable, so far, like they were proper adults. 21 years old felt big, far, adult-like. and now i’m here, and yes, i have matured, but how come harry looked like such a man already when he was only 22. because now that i am 22 i see that i’m only starting, i’m only beginning, and i feel, at heart, like a scared child so much of the time. and he was already such a guy, a grown up. writing songs about sex, and coke, and love, heartbreak. i’ve never experienced any of it. makes me think of all the things he was exposed to, all the things he did, to be at that point when he was still so young. i know people live different lives, but every time i compare myself with 22 year old harry, i’m like, man. the fuck.

LOL! I think you're really among the majority, love. Most people your age might feel grown up when they look back at themselves in high school, for example. But you're really still so incredibly young. Not having experienced the same life as a wildly successful pop star who found love at 16 and by the age of 22 had already recorded 5 albums, toured the world many times over, and made more money than most of us will see in a lifetime, is not really much of a stretch. I mean, I had done a fair bit by that age, but when I look back at myself at 22, I don't think I could have ever handled myself with the charm and grace he did. And I was much more often a scared child than an adult.

Give yourself time. We're not all meant to be Harry Styles. Who you are and where you're at is good. I like to look to people like him as inspiration. I want to be as kind and forgiving. I want to be as open and curious. I want to be as courageous with my creativity. I want to live life fully as I think he does. And we all have our specific journies.

❤️

[shadowdaddies]

can i request dorian flirting with reader and talking her v card??

I found a masquerade mask while looking for a last minute Halloween costume, and the idea for this prompt came to me. So this is sort of Halloween themed💜

A/N: angst, fluff, smut... I really love how this turned out. I hope you do too!

Masquerade

Dorian x Reader

Warnings: smut below the cut, use of shadow hands, oral f!receiving, p in v sex, minors dni

You stepped into the ballroom, taking in the extensive decorations that Adarlan had been adorned with for the Harvest celebration. Each year, the King of Adarlan - who you knew as your close friend, Dorian - held a masquerade ball to celebrate the harvest season. 

It was tradition to masquerade in costume on this night, and at the end of the evening there was a great bonfire to ward off evil spirits. It was a night of mischief, and therefore one of the few royal celebrations that you and Dorian genuinely enjoyed. 

You smiled at the dripping candles that floated above the room alongside carved pumpkins and other harvest decorations, creating a warm and comfortable feeling despite the crowded space. Taking a flute of champagne from a serving tray, you scanned the room in an effort to recognize a familiar face under one of the many masks. There were costumes with inspiration ranging from wyverns to ogres to elves, but your eyes stopped on a striking man donning a mask of feathers, apparently the personification of a raven. 

You looked down at your own costume and laughed. You donned a white shimmering gown that matched your mask, including an olive branch crown that tied together your costume as a dove. When you glanced back up, the raven was already crossing the room towards you, a mischievous grin you knew all too well peeking from beneath his mask.

“Hello, dove,” Dorian purred, winking at you as he brought your hand to his mouth, pressing a kiss to your knuckles. Your heart fluttered at his teasing - while Dorian viewed you as nothing beyond a friend, you held feelings for him for years, his casual flirting your favorite form of torture. He made you feel special, but that was Dorian. He made everyone feel special, and it broke your heart to know you were just one of many. Kings were known for their dalliances, after all.

You smiled politely, giving your best effort to appear unaffected by Dorian’s behavior as you greeted him. “It’s lovely to see you, Dorian. I admire your costume.” A flash of hurt crossed Dorian’s eyes, so quickly that if you didn’t know him so well, you would have missed it. Recovering with a dazzling smile, Dorian teased you. “Lovely to see me? Since when did we become so formal, dove?” he asked as his eyes raked over your own costume. 

You hummed, maintaining your facade of nonchalance as you searched for a way out of the conversation, needing a break from the complicated emotions that were threatening to surface. You scanned the crowd, taking notice of the orchestra preparing to play. Perfect. “Forgive me if I seem too formal, but it appears that the dancing is about to begin for this evening, so I must be off to find myself a dance partner.” You began to turn away from Dorian as you spoke that last part, hoping to make a quick getaway. 

Just as you turned, Dorian gently took hold of your elbow, spinning you back towards him. He took the empty glass from your hand, setting it on a table as he slid his hand down to hold yours. “Perfect. Allow me to be your first dance of the evening?” Dorian asked, in a tone with a  politeness that betrayed the way he had already pulled you to the dance floor. 

He spun you around with a practiced, courtly grace that was as alluring as it was irritating. Mind racing as you thought of ways to distract yourself - focusing on anything you could think of that was unattractive about Dorian, of which nothing came to mind - you huffed out a frustrated breath. Dorian abruptly stopped dancing, pausing to look at you briefly before taking your hand as he led you away from the dance floor. 

He took you outside to a secluded balcony, where he stared at you as he chewed his lip, suddenly looking uncharacteristically nervous. Finally he threw his arms up and asked in an exasperated tone, “would you take off that damn mask so I can see your face? I can tell something is bothering you, and it’s killing me to not be able to read your expression.” 

You nearly stumbled back in shock, completely taken aback by Dorian’s exclamation. “What explanation do I owe you for how I feel, Dorian? Don’t pretend that you actually care - I know there are hundreds of women who would kill for your attention in there. Go dance with one of them and leave me be.” At this point, you couldn’t hold back the tears that spilled, emotions clear even through your mask as Dorian pulled you close to him. 

He removed his mask, gently removing yours and brought his other hand to wipe a tear that had fallen to your cheek. “Oh, dove. There is no other woman with whom I want to dance, tonight or any other. Can’t you see that?” You sniffled, looking up at Dorian as you struggled to understand what he was saying. He could sense your disbelief, brushing your hair behind your ear as he leaned forward so that your noses were nearly touching. “I am aware of my rumored...romances - but I have not been with another woman since I met you. You’ve brought a light to this kingdom that I didn’t realize was missing.” He took a shaky breath, frantically studying your face. “Please tell me you feel the same.” 

You couldn’t help but laugh in relief as you smiled brightly up at Dorian. “You described how I feel perfectly. I’ve had more fun since I met you than I ever have before in my life. I love you, Dorian.” He grabbed the back of your neck, pulling you in for a heated kiss that had your knees buckling. Dorian pulled away as he breathed, “I love you too, dove.” 

You bit your lip, running your hand along Dorian’s strong jawline as you found the courage to say what you wanted. “Dorian, I’ve never been with a man before, but will you be my first?” Taking your wrist and kissing the inside of it, Dorian locked eyes with you. “If that is what you want, that is what you shall have, my love.” 

He led you up to his bedroom, closing the door behind you as he pushed you up against it, bunching up your skirts as he kissed down your neck to the exposed area on your chest. You fumbled with his clothes, throwing his jacket somewhere in the room as you hastily unbuttoned his shirt. Dorian spun you around, leaving love bites along your neck and shoulders as he untied the laces of your dress, the silky material dropping to the floor. 

You turned around to see Dorian’s eyes blown wide, sucking in a breath as he took in your naked form. “Beautiful,” he breathed softly. You smiled, gaining confidence as you walked back towards the bed, laying on the mattress and shifted up against the pillows, curling a finger as you beckoned Dorian towards you. He followed eagerly, but instead of climbing on top of you as you’d expected, he stopped to hover above your pussy. 

You mewled as he blew a cool breath against your center, spreading your legs wide. He looked up at you, those sapphire eyes taking your breath away as he asked, “has a man ever worshipped you with his mouth, dove?” You shook your head no, swallowing in a tangle of nerves and excitement as you watched him with awe. Dorian wasted no time, licking a broad stripe up your core, eliciting a loud moan as your back arched off the bed, hips raising in an effort to be touched by him more. 

Dorian didn’t let up on his efforts, licking and sucking your clit as you felt a hand that you could not see pushing down on your stomach, pinning you in place as you tried to writhe against his overwhelming touch. You felt a coil in your stomach tighten as Dorian inserted a finger inside of you, curling against you in a way you hadn’t felt before, and you screamed as your walls fluttered around his finger. 

Dorian pulled back, a cocky grin on his face as he sucked his finger clean. His expression turned serious for a moment as he reached for the ties of his pants. “Are you sure that you want to do this tonight, dove?” You nodded, pulling Dorian up towards you as you began untying his pants for him. “I’ve never been more sure of anything,” you said, kissing him softly as you tasted yourself on his lips. 

He shuffled his pants off the rest of the way, lining himself up at your entrance as you took his face in your hands, smiling up at him with clear eyes full of adoration. With a slight nod from you, Dorian pushed himself into you slowly, savoring the sound of your moan as he stretched your walls. He moved softly and slowly, making love to you as you gasped and moaned at the new sensations.

Dorian continued his thrusts, finding a spot that felt incredible as you chanted his name, that coil in your stomach tightening once more as you felt yourself clench around him. Dorian felt it too, an invisible hand surprising you by rubbing soft circles on your clit. The startling sensation sent you over the edge again, Dorian following closely behind as the two of your reached your highs. 

You stayed there, laying next to each other as you registered everything that had happened that night. Dorian turned to lay facing you, tracing his hand along your face and body as he admired you. 

You suddenly laughed, a look of confusion crossing Dorian’s face as he asked, “what is it, dove?” You giggled once more, “well, if the bonfire didn’t scare away the spirits, I’m sure my screams did.”

He laughed with you, pressing a kiss to the top of your head as the two of you fell asleep in each other’s arms, assured that this was truly the most magical night of the year.

[colormepurplex2]

Did It Hurt? | Prologue: The Fall

↳ FallenAngel!Taehyung x LostSoul!f.Reader ⤜ Fallen Angel AU, Strangers to Lovers ⤜ Rating: MA 🔞 ⤜ WC: 880 ⚠️ Violence, injury, judgement and punishment

Next Chapter⇾ ◅ Back to series masterlist

Taehyung, Sometime around the end of the 20th century, in the Divine Chamber of Justice, Heaven

“Why are we even bothering with this trial?” Phanuel asks, crossing his arms and giving his Brother a pitying look. “Is it fair to hold ourselves to a higher standard than the ones we protect?”

Amitiel harrumphs softly. “Of course we are to hold ourselves to a higher standard. We are Divine Protectors of the Heavens, pointedly above those we protect.”

“I think what Phanuel is trying to say,” comments Mitzrael, “is that there is nothing in the Doctrine about what Brother Taehyung did being unforgivable. If those we protect can be forgiven through Grace, shouldn’t we afford our Brother that same Grace?”

“I say we hand him over to our Fallen Brothers in Hell,” mutters Kushiel, ever the rigid purveyor of punishment.

Gabriel shifts where he sits at the pinnacle of the Judgement dias. “The spilling of one’s Holy Seed is different from that of a mortal’s seed. We all are aware of this. The creation of Nephilim has been strictly forbidden since the fall of Lucifer. Therefore, the act that can potentially create such a monstrosity should be punished to the fullest extent. After all, Taehyung may not have created a Nephilim, but to even act in pleasures of the flesh where that is a possibility is worthy enough of our ire. Imagine the destruction he would have wrought, untold devastation.”

There is a quiet murmur around the chamber, soft echoes of fear and agreement, Sarathiel loudest of them all.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself, Brother Taehyung?” Zadkiel asks, speaking over the hushed clamor.

Taehyung prostrates himself before his gathered Brothers, pressing his forehead to the smooth surface of the floor, wings splayed out behind him. Holding the position for a few precious moments, he gathers his thoughts before looking up and meeting all their gazes one by one until he’s focused on Gabriel. His Brother might not be the Angel of Judgement, but he’s the Leader of all Angels, which Taehyung knows holds far more sway over all the others than anyone else; he’s a leader for a reason.

“Brothers,” he begins, “I would not ask for forgiveness for such an unforgivable act. As Brother Gabriel has stated, what I did was careless, not just to myself but to all others. I endangered all that we hold Divine and Holy here. I endangered our home. But I would ask for your leniency, your guidance and deliverance. Treat me as one of the flock. Let me seek righteousness and serve a penance for my disgrace. Do not cast me into oblivion. Let me prove myself worthy.”

“We shall take that into consideration.” Sarathiel eyes Taehyung with a cold appraisal. Fear and pain burn hot in Taehyung’s chest. The few stolen moments he sought with–he can’t even think of their name without wanting to wail in mourning–have proven to be what might be his downfall; literally.

The Counsel gathers, cloistering themselves behind a hazy wall of silence. All Taehyung can do is watch them, trying to discern what words lips are forming and what the emotions flashing across his Brothers’ faces mean. Gabriel and Sarathiel seem to be leading the conversation. He can only hope they both remember their love for him in their hearts.

It could be hours, or just minutes, before the shield falls and noise eases back into the chamber, sounding far too loud after the silence. Taehyung thinks he might sickup on the floor if that’s even something Angels can do; he’s seemingly forgotten how to function at all.

The Angel of Justice, his Brother, Raquel, steps forward and gives Taehyung a sad, soft smile before beginning, “It is with heavy hearts that we, the Council of Grace and Purity, hereby sentence you, Brother Taehyung, to one hundred years of exile for breaking your Oath of Holy Divinity by seeking pleasures of the flesh and spilling Holy Seed. At the end of your one hundred years, if and only if you have found a soul seeking absolution and deliver them unto a path of justice and redemption, will you be granted back within the sanctity of this Kingdom and your wings restored. If you fail in your penance, you will feel the wrath of Divine Smite. May the Lord have mercy on your everlasting soul.”

Always so regal and poised, Michael steps forward, the tip of his great sword trailing just a breath above the floor. Taehyung couldn’t bear to look his brother in the eye for fear of seeing the disappointment there.

“Let it be known,” Michael whispers over Taehyung’s bowed head, “I take no pleasure in this, Brother.” With one felling sweep of Michael’s blade, Taehyung is rendered incomplete, severed from his proper form. White feathers fill the air, softening the cry that rips itself from Taehyung’s throat.

His Brothers watch as he plummets from the Heavens, entering a fiery free fall into an existence none of them envy. If only he had the Grace to keep his hands to himself. Though not all Angels are meant for the Heavens, that much is clear. They can only hope Taehyung finds his way once again, or Lucifer damn him, they’ll lose another to the darkness.

Next Chapter⇾ ◅ Back to series masterlist  

◅ Back to Main Master List ©️ 2024-01-26 ColorMePurplex2

[nebulablakemurphy]

Twenty Questions (Part 4)

Summary: For Y/N’s 20th birthday Haymitch gifts her 20 questions, that he has to answer honestly, no matter what. Mentions of sex/forced pregnancy. Moves & Countermoves companion piece.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

“How many…do you think?”

“Hmm?” Haymitch hums, eyeing his wife.

“Kids.” Y/N clears her throat, “how many kids do you think Snow will make us have?”

“I’d say one of each. A boy and a girl will keep the people entertained. If the next one is a boy, I think we’ll have to try again for a girl. Assuming we stay in his good graces, we’ll probably be done after that.” Haymitch shrugs a shoulder.

“I don’t know what else we can do.” Y/N rubs her hands together anxiously.

“There’s nothing else, Angel.” Haymitch sighs, “we just have to ride this out.”

Y/N nods, rubbing the swell of her belly. She’s five months along, over half way.

“Did you want,” Haymitch stumbles over the words. “How many do you want?”

Y/N lifts a shoulder. “I think being an only child might be lonely for him.” Him. Their baby. Because it isn’t about them anymore, it never will be again. “Two would be good.”

“Two would be good,” Haymitch agrees.

————————————————————————

Haymitch drinks more than he ever has.

Y/N’s belly grows. She’s tired all the time. She snaps at Haymitch and then chases after him with tears in her eyes, begging for forgiveness. “I’m sorry, I’m… I know I’m awful. I’m trying to do better.”

“You’re not awful,” Haymitch grumbles. “I’m trying too.”

“But you are! You are doing better and I’m…I feel like everyday I get worse. That’s the difference and I’m frustrated with myself. I’m frustrated at the situation and I don’t know what to do. You’re the only person here with me all the time, so you get the brunt of everything. And I know it’s not fair to you. I know you hate me for it.” How could you not?

“I need you to know that I do not hate you. I could never hate you. I see how hard this pregnancy and marriage has been for you. I’m sorry, from the bottom of my heart, if I could change it for you, I would. But I can’t.” Haymitch admits, “I can’t and it kills me.”

“It’s not hard being married to you,” she breaks off. “I’d never given a lot of thought to marriage. I didn’t necessarily want to be married. But doing it with you is easy, being with you is easy and I feel safe when I’m with you.”

“Tell me what’s wrong then, Angel. Tell me what I can do to help you. Anything you need. You just gotta give me some fucking direction here, because I am drowning in this.”

“I don’t know what I need. I feel restless all the time. I can’t sleep. I’m-”

“You’re afraid.” Haymitch gets it.

“Just…just tell me that everything’s gonna be ok.”

“It is gonna be ok. I promise.”

She closes the distance between them, relaxing into the feel of his arms around her. Holding her close, making everything ok.

————————————————————————

Things are better after that.

“Everything’s gonna be ok.”

He tells her every morning and again at night.

They decorate the nursery, they give him a name. Everest. Everest Abernathy.

By the time they mentor the games that year, Y/N is eight months along. They’ve agreed to stay in the Capitol, until the baby is born.

“You’ll have access to the best medicine known to man in our hospitals, Y/N. The same cannot be said for District Twelve.” President Snow makes her an offer that sounds more like a threat. In any event, she can’t refuse.

Their chances for a victor this year are slim to none. The female tribute is fifteen, but Y/N can spot every bone in her body. The boy isn’t much better, and only twelve.

Y/N weeps for them until she vomits. Only when she is alone, jotting notes in her tablet. She remains strong in their presence, focused. Knowing Haymitch won’t offer much help. He stopped trying and she doesn’t blame him.

She might give up too, if it didn’t mean leaving the poor tributes to fend for themselves.

It makes no difference though, both go down in the initial bloodbath. She mourns them alone, while Haymitch drowns his sorrows down at the bar.

And time passes, the same way it always has. Too fast or too slow.

Part 5

[mongeese]

I'm not involving myself in the arguments again, but ep 1 Carol snaps that she "always knew Darryl would do something like this one day" and had a larger reaction to the car crashing than (her phrasing) "losing the kid".

So that's why the initial impression of Carol is that she is mean, and Matt's later dad facts + Darryl referencing Carol calling him fat and Darryl hiding his hobbies from her give a certain impression to people.

I do not care about discourse that happened probably years ago because it simply doesn't matter but I AM a defender of fictional women so I'm gonna reply to this. Know that any bitchiness in this post is not directed toward you specifically anon but rather it is directed toward general misogynistic fandom culture (which is rampant).

First point, Carol snapping at Darryl: obviously that's an imperfect reaction, but she's also just had the bombshell dropped on her that her husband crashed their car and lost their son. I think I can forgive her some anger in this moment. There's also probably built up resentment toward Darryl being expressed in this conversation, because she's falling out of love with him and he is the exact opposite of emotionally intelligent and I'm sure communication has been deteriorating between them for a while. Not ideal, but I can't particularly fault her for it. Also, literally in the same conversation, Darryl asks Carol to ask Darnell about the plays he emailed him, while his son is missing, which suggests that he is not always the most responsible! Perhaps giving some credence to her statement!

Reading the transcript, she didn't have a larger reaction to denting the hood of the car. Darryl said it last and she processed it first, but immediately after she began berating him much more intensely about losing their son. Which, again, is cruel but also understandable, given that in her mind there's no explanation for how he could've lost track of Grant other than gross negligence.

Gonna be honest and say I remember nothing about the context of Carol calling Darryl fat. I'd assume it was either a bit of a mean joke that Darryl took very personally bc his self esteem is in the gutter, or her saying he should lose weight. Neither is good, and I won't defend them, but also, compared to all the other shit characters do in the podcast? So tame.

Darryl hides everything from everyone. That's like, the core of his character. It's entirely possible that any hobbies he hides from Carol is simply because he's ashamed of them for catholic guilt/toxic masculinity/general weird repression paranoia reasons, and not because of anything she said or did.

Ultimately this is a pointless exercise because even if all those things WERE as bad as people make them out to be, I'd still be a Carol defender, because all 4 of the dads canonically do things which are way worse. Glen in particular is undeniably a shitty person (at least until 2/3 through the podcast, where I'm at right now), and Ron isn't much better. Yet they're both fan favorites. Why are they given the grace to make mistakes and be mean and thoughtless and flawed and still be liked, but Carol is hated? Could it, mayhaps, have something to do with the fact that they are men? And thus their shitty behavior is fine, because they're oh-so deep, but clearly CAROL doesn't have that depth, because she's just a woman, and she should be more understanding, and motherly, and caring, etc etc.

Like. I'm just fucking begging people in fandom spaces to have an ounce of self awareness and think about why, maybe, you're so ready to hate the female characters who don't act nice all the time, but you love the flawed tragic backstory men? What dominant power structure and social conditioning could be at work here? You are not immune to internalized misogyny (yes, even if you're a woman)

[vergeltvng]

SPOILERS for The Boys Season 4

I'm still processing the final episode but here are some of my random thoughts, in no particular order. It was a wild ride and I enjoyed it for the most part. The season had its lows for sure and I'll never forgive the writers for how they treated Hughie. I'm still fucking mad about everything they did to him after episode 5. I also felt like they wasted a lot of potential with Annie's arc. She's been through a lot after season 3 and I loved the idea of her having an identity crisis but it was just so poorly executed. It all felt messy and as if the writers had no conclusion in mind for both her and Hughie's plotlines. Unfortunately I couldn't find myself caring a lot about Frenchie's and Kimiko's subplots which is sad because I love these two. I was hoping they get to kill that bitch Little Nina and Kimiko getting her revenge on the SLLA. Both could have happened this season before they got separated in the end. Instead we've been put on hold to wait if these plots get resolved at all. Firecracker and Sage were great additions, I loved to hate Firecracker and Sage gives off endboss vibes for me. I still feel like she's gonna betray Homelander in the end. Can't wait for "phase two". A-Train's arc was great, he truly redeemed himself and him showing up at the flat iron to save the others was proof enough for me how serious he was about doing the right thing. I liked all of his scenes with MM, too. I loved Ashley this season, I hope she gains some badass powers and kicks everyone's ass. I've seen some complaints about Homelander being nerfed - are we watching the same show? He is fucking unhinged and more terrifying than ever. He is basically god by the end of the season and can (and will) do whatever the fuck he wants with no one in his way. Someone telling me that's not scary?! He is and always will be one of the best villains in tv history. Poor kid Ryan, he deserved better. How is he ever supposed to feel safe around Homelander and Butcher phrasing it that way was downright evil and manipulative towards the boy because he knew it would make Ryan feel insecure and cornered. Him pushing and killing Grace was in self-defense. His reaction afterwards however is concerning and I guess ambiguous for interpretation on purpose. I still don't get how some people in the fandom could hate on a 12 year old child so much, leave the kid alone.

Where do I start when it comes to Butcher? I have many thoughts and this text is already long but I'll give it a shot anyway. Obviously I'm biased because I love this man and will defend him to the very end. I think his arc was one of the better aspects, he is still one of the best written characters on the show. What I always loved about him was him being truly morally grey and the ambiguity in his words and actions. He cannot be trusted. I don't know if it's me but Karl's performance makes him actually a lot more likeable than he deserves. He is a bad person and I don't think this is negotiable. I have thought about this so many times in made-up scenarios and I stick with my opinion that there's no fixing him and there never was. I have tried to stay away from fandom discourse as much as I could for my own well-being but I don't get how people act surprised and as a result hate over his behavior and decisions. I think most were true to his character and also him killing Neuman made perfect sense and was a well-deserved payoff narratively. Not that I'm not mad at him for doing so! I loved Vicky and she was such an interesting character. But his final words in season 3 were "that bitch has to go" and one of his main goals across the whole season was to get that virus to kill her. He was absolutely clear about it and worked towards this goal on his own terms, not even under the influence of Kessler. Certainly Kessler pushed him to commit some of his atrocities but it matched with what he wanted himself. He drew the line when it came to supe genocide and was conflicted about it initially but one of his core themes is doing whatever it takes and losing his humanity on his chosen path. Since he is highly intelligent he knows very well what's wrong with him what emphasises even more that he actively chooses to do bad things rather than being impulsive and regretful afterwards. I personally loved his turn at the end and I am eager to see his villain arc. What's not to love about evil daddy?! I could go on about some of the dynamics between him and Kessler but I'll do that in another post maybe.

[swanimagines]

Hi :)

I just want to say that I love your work and am so sorry about your mental health (I can sympathise❤️). I know it is much, much easier said than done, but please try and give yourself as much grace as you can - with both writing and life.

With writing, it is ok to fail with it, and I know you want to beat yourself up with it - but experimentation is where you can find things about your style you'd never know.

I'm sorry if I come across as preachy at all, but I wish you well and, once again, adore your work ❤️❤️

I'm so sorry it took this long to reply, I was at my mum's and didn't really check Tumblr during staying there.

But thank you for your comforting words, I'm trying not to beat myself up over not being able to write right now. I have a lot going on irl*, so I guess that also affects my mood and why I feel so stressed about this. Usually, writing is my outlet for these situations, when I'm stressed and have my head full of thoughts, writing makes me calm down. But now I just can't get anything out, no matter what or how I try. I got a suggestion to clear out my inbox a while ago when I last made a post about this, but the problem isn't my requests, I have LOADS of ideas for my requests, and I'm excited to write them, but I just can't get it written the way I wanna get it written. I'm advised to write my own ideas. They have the same problem as my requests. I'm advised to write whatever I can think of. The moment I try, my head just empties itself.

"Hmm what to write, can't think of anything, well if I force myself to write: Horses are green and they eat marshmallows. Uh. I don't know, I just can't think of anything sensible. Even writing this is kinda a struggle because I just? Can't write the way I'd want to, these aren't the thoughts I'd want to write but I already forgot what I was going to write, I thought of that like 10 seconds ago and already forgot. And not to mention that writing this is boring af. I'd much rather to clean a bathroom, bleh."

And it goes on and on and on like that.

*Looooong story and I don't have patience to write it all especially when most of it irritates me a lot anyway, let's just say I was promised something a year ago to happen soon after London but I've had to wait til now because of stuff not dependant on me (the person who would grant me a permission was on a sick leave til July and insists on seeing me on 5th of November before giving the permission and I want to strangle her for that, because I've been forced to wait for 6 extra months because of her sick leave), now it's finally happening next week but I'm still kinda furious about it because a lot of things have been ruined/delayed/cancelled because of it being so late, and I'm terrified this will negatively affect next March. It wouldn't affect it if it happened when I was promised it will happen, but unless some stuff will happen instead attached to this thing that's happening, I'm forced to change my plans for March a quite a bit (mainly meaning I wouldn't be able to get many photo OPs and would have to choose the most important people I want to get a photo OP with, and whose autographs I want) and it would crush me because it's my last convention ever with Shadow and Bone cast and I'll be mopey after that anyway, so a possibility that I may not be able to gather as many memories as I intended at first, and it's because THINGS DON'T WORK like they should and I'm forced to pay for shit service like this... yeah. I'm sure you understand why it's extremely annoying and unfair.

About the "some stuff", I'm HIGHLY doubtful about it because basically it'd mean a bunch of extra money for me to spend every month and I just can't believe that's possible before the institute who's paying confirms it. Everyone around me says it's true and my calculations are 100% correct etc, but like? I just can't believe that before they themselves confirm it. If that's indeed true, then everything is fine and I'll forgive them all their sins because I'd be able to buy more than what my initial plans included. But again, I highly HIGHLY doubt that because that just can't be true unless I'm living in some kind of fever dream, not with this government 😅

[tex-now]

I think my interpretation of what mephone4's recovery would look like shifts a little depending on how old he is. Like, not by much, but by a little bit.

This is basically just me rambling about mephone4 during/post-canon. I love mephone4 he makes me ill so I want to ramble. Let me have this.

If mephone4 is an adult I think that putting more responsibility on his actions than if he was a child is necessary.

He is an abuse victim, he was scared, unsure, desperately trying to escape his abusive father and became extremely jaded (?) and traumatized because of it, BUT he still put a lot of mental turmoil on his contestants, and traumatized many of them in turn. He still hurt so many of them so badly and that is inexcusable (he is aware of this).

Hes emotionally constipated and repressed to a fault and is by no means a bad person but like. Tissues. Suitcase. Taco. Bow. Any of the contestants that wouldn't forgive him are completely valid to do so, and it's HIS responsibility to improve himself and his behavior so that, if he ends up meeting them again, he doesn't repeat the previous patterns he has in the past.

His general veneer of cockiness, apathy, and being kind of an asshole to his contestants, his showing bias and unfair inconsistent challenges, being generally dismissive of his contestants feelings, are all things he did. I do think it's a result of having cobs as a father and all the trauma he's experienced as a result of that, buuuuuut he needs to work on himself and only he can fix his bad behavior (with the support of family and hopefully a therapist).

Which is why I think mephone4's apology was extremely needed and I am SO FUCKING GLAD that they were like "yeah mephone4 fucked up. He should give everyone space to grow into new people and so that he can also grow and finally do something for himself so that he can be truly happy instead of just living on the high of escapism and and projecting his issues and problems onto his contestants." (<- all of this is said lovingly. I promise I love him so much. nomming on him).

He absolutely needs a loving support system and also 10 years of therapy and he's already on the right track :) he needs to learn to hold himself accountable for his actions (which he is starting to I'm so proud), and how to effectively communicate his feelings along with not taking them out on others and that takes time, but I believe in him I love him so muchhhh hic hic sob.

If mephone4 is a child then his situation is 10x more tragic oh my god. You can definitely acknowledge that his actions were fucked up on several levels, but him being an abuse victim (which definitely hindered his emotional development) PLUS literally most likely not physically mature enough to process his own feelings and the actual implications of what he's done to his contestants then, yeah, I would give him more grace.

(I'm pretty sure this also applies to if he was an adult but yeah), I can't speak for everyone, but a common defense mechanism ive noticed in young people around me (and myself personally) is apathy and indifference towards everything, even topics that would typically be upsetting or uncomfortable to talk about.

Instead of dealing with your emotions or the pain you cause other people, you laugh it off and avoid it for as long as you can, and usually when you can't avoid it anymore, you become defensive and anxious. (Once again. In my experience. And from what I've seen from other people. Avoidance instead of acceptance).

Of course, this doesn't mean that the contestants would be evil for not understanding or not forgiving him. What he did was fucked up, and children also need to take responsibility for their actions as it is a crucial part of their emotional development.

But he's still a child. The things he would need to work on would not be things he could do on his own. He needs someone to take care of him and help him.

Not any of the contestants, definitely, but someone to take him in and show him the unconditional parental love he never got to have. It's less on him to deal with his shit (even though it's still on him to an extent) and moreso about having someone to help him fix his behavior less so by like personal self reflection on his own (too young for that) and moreso by being shown the right behaviors and having a safe person to tell him when he's wrong who will still provide unconditional love to him and help him reflect on his behavior. (Like like ballpoint pen 🥺🥺)

Anyway I love mephone4. Idk I just wanted to ramble this has no real point. Lol

[annesoftheisland]

But grass was growing green in sheltered spots and Gilbert had found some pale, sweet arbutus in a hidden corner. He came up from the park, his hands full of it.

Anne was sitting on the big gray boulder in the orchard looking at the poem of a bare, birchen bough hanging against the pale red sunset with the very perfection of grace. She was building a castle in air—a wondrous mansion whose sunlit courts and stately halls were steeped in Araby’s perfume, and where she reigned queen and chatelaine. She frowned as she saw Gilbert coming through the orchard. Of late she had managed not to be left alone with Gilbert. But he had caught her fairly now; and even Rusty had deserted her.

Gilbert sat down beside her on the boulder and held out his Mayflowers.

“Don’t these remind you of home and our old schoolday picnics, Anne?”

Anne took them and buried her face in them.

“I’m in Mr. Silas Sloane’s barrens this very minute,” she said rapturously.

“I suppose you will be there in reality in a few days?”

“No, not for a fortnight. I’m going to visit with Phil in Bolingbroke before I go home. You’ll be in Avonlea before I will.”

“No, I shall not be in Avonlea at all this summer, Anne. I’ve been offered a job in the Daily News office and I’m going to take it.”

“Oh,” said Anne vaguely. She wondered what a whole Avonlea summer would be like without Gilbert. Somehow she did not like the prospect. “Well,” she concluded flatly, “it is a good thing for you, of course.”

“Yes, I’ve been hoping I would get it. It will help me out next year.”

“You mustn’t work too hard,” said Anne, without any very clear idea of what she was saying. She wished desperately that Phil would come out. “You’ve studied very constantly this winter. Isn’t this a delightful evening? Do you know, I found a cluster of white violets under that old twisted tree over there today? I felt as if I had discovered a gold mine.”

“You are always discovering gold mines,” said Gilbert—also absently.

“Let us go and see if we can find some more,” suggested Anne eagerly. “I’ll call Phil and—”

“Never mind Phil and the violets just now, Anne,” said Gilbert quietly, taking her hand in a clasp from which she could not free it. “There is something I want to say to you.”

“Oh, don’t say it,” cried Anne, pleadingly. “Don’t—please, Gilbert.”

“I must. Things can’t go on like this any longer. Anne, I love you. You know I do. I—I can’t tell you how much. Will you promise me that some day you’ll be my wife?”

“I—I can’t,” said Anne miserably. “Oh, Gilbert—you—you’ve spoiled everything.”

“Don’t you care for me at all?” Gilbert asked after a very dreadful pause, during which Anne had not dared to look up.

“Not—not in that way. I do care a great deal for you as a friend. But I don’t love you, Gilbert.”

“But can’t you give me some hope that you will—yet?”

“No, I can’t,” exclaimed Anne desperately. “I never, never can love you—in that way—Gilbert. You must never speak of this to me again.”

There was another pause—so long and so dreadful that Anne was driven at last to look up. Gilbert’s face was white to the lips. And his eyes—but Anne shuddered and looked away. There was nothing romantic about this. Must proposals be either grotesque or—horrible? Could she ever forget Gilbert’s face?

“Is there anybody else?” he asked at last in a low voice.

“No—no,” said Anne eagerly. “I don’t care for any one like that—and I like you better than anybody else in the world, Gilbert. And we must—we must go on being friends, Gilbert.”

Gilbert gave a bitter little laugh.

“Friends! Your friendship can’t satisfy me, Anne. I want your love—and you tell me I can never have that.”

“I’m sorry. Forgive me, Gilbert,” was all Anne could say. Where, oh, where were all the gracious and graceful speeches wherewith, in imagination, she had been wont to dismiss rejected suitors?

Gilbert released her hand gently.

“There isn’t anything to forgive. There have been times when I thought you did care. I’ve deceived myself, that’s all. Goodbye, Anne.”

Anne got herself to her room, sat down on her window seat behind the pines, and cried bitterly. She felt as if something incalculably precious had gone out of her life. It was Gilbert’s friendship, of course. Oh, why must she lose it after this fashion?

“What is the matter, honey?” asked Phil, coming in through the moonlit gloom.

Anne did not answer. At that moment she wished Phil were a thousand miles away.

“I suppose you’ve gone and refused Gilbert Blythe. You are an idiot, Anne Shirley!”

“Do you call it idiotic to refuse to marry a man I don’t love?” said Anne coldly, goaded to reply.

“You don’t know love when you see it. You’ve tricked something out with your imagination that you think love, and you expect the real thing to look like that. There, that’s the first sensible thing I’ve ever said in my life. I wonder how I managed it?”

“Phil,” pleaded Anne, “please go away and leave me alone for a little while. My world has tumbled into pieces. I want to reconstruct it.”

“Without any Gilbert in it?” said Phil, going.

A world without any Gilbert in it! Anne repeated the words drearily. Would it not be a very lonely, forlorn place? Well, it was all Gilbert’s fault. He had spoiled their beautiful comradeship. She must just learn to live without it.

Anne of the Island - Gilbert Speaks, Chapter 20

[hiroshotreplica]

im sorry you probably dont want this in your askbox but i dont really think it makes sense to talk about madness and leafi the same way for a lot of reasons. Idk maybe im just seeing a transgirl getting relentlessly dogpiled because of old screenshots and having an over-empathetic response but fuck man she was 13 when those screenshots were taken. Shes not even 18 right now shes crazy young for her level of play (like literally should be community banned for lying about being 13 for multiple years during splatoon 2 to get around discord community guidelines but thats a tangent). She said in her apology she was trying to fit in with a real shitty group of people she doesn't associate with anymore and fuck man im probably giving herself way too much grace cause i seeing a terrifying exaggeration of something i went through on a public scale but like people are editing HER face onto memes and talking shit about HER and constantly misgendering her when madness is not only an actual adult but has been ACTUALLY DOING THIS SHIT RECENTLY. im not saying the shit she was saying wasnt heinous but fuck man this isnt gonna help her and i dont want the dumass bullshit she said when she was a middle schooler to ruin the rest of her life. sorry for the white girl mental illness blast but there is important context in this ranty anxiety and projection goop

anon asked for a tldr for the situation w/ jackpot as a whole, which included leafi's part in the situation. as the post was about how jackpot as a team has made racist statements. i chose screenshots that put my point clearly, which just so happened to be screenshots with madness and leafi. i'll go more into it here, though

i did not mean to compare her to madness when including screenshots of her old statements. i was compiling the most blatant screenshots from the thread i had originally linked in a prior post. i was going to include other things, but didnt have the time to compile them and was beginning to get stressed about being the source of this info on tumblr.

i was also going to include this video of her saying racist statements in 2024, but i didnt want to include a twitter link for an anon that couldnt access twitter. im realizing i shouldve done so

i do feel bad for her getting involved with a group of people THAT bad if she was truly that ignorant when she was younger, but thats where my sympathy ends. she still acted racist and still associated with clearly racist people even when she was older and more mature. ive learned since making that post that she was born in 2007. 16 is still an age where you should be mature enough to understand that those comments are racist, even with america's shitty public education system glossing over racism.

i definitely see why this can look like people dogpiling on a trans woman though, and the people doing memes and editing her into them in general about this situation are disgusting. i had no idea she was trans and that people were misgendering her. anyone making this situation about her being trans are awful and not people i stand by.

but all of that, including her being skilled despite her age, still doesnt forgive or erase her actions. nothing like that does for the other members of jackpot that have also stated racist things. nothing like that does for any other comp splatoon player that has said anything similar. the apology she put out was needed, but from what ive heard from others, it wasnt the best. she is writing another apology, though, so it couldve just been rushed.

no one has to accept her apology, either. as a white person myself, im not one that should even be one to accept her apology. it wasnt an apology for me, and it isnt one for you, either (if you are white as you say but i might be misreading). people should not be painted in a negative light for not accepting her apology even if it were an amazing one.

the way some people are reacting to this situation is not okay, but she still did awful things that she should be held accountable for. the other guilty members of jackpot are not better than her, but theyve all still said fucked up things. none of them have done anything to prove they arent racist, and theres only more evidence coming out that proves that they have been, so its hard to process at the moment.

could things change? yes, of course, but as of right now, leafi has stated racist things as recent as 2024 and put out a poor apology trying to defend herself. people are handling it poorly and trying to make it about her identity and making memes on it when it is not the right thing to do. these racist claims are being put w/ other racist claims made by other jackpot team members so it was included in my tldr post about the entire situation.

i apologize for poor wording in this, im not the best w/ these kinds of posts