#This was my headcanon with my old Abigail for what happened to them and why they broke up. It's essentially canon for X-Force Beast.

[positivelybeastly]

Lugent: weeping; mourning [LET HER COMFORT HANK]

They’re together.

Hank doesn’t stop touching her, doesn’t stop hugging her, doesn’t stop just - grabbing her and making sure that she’s real all over again. He’s had it happen before. Hope snatched away in the cruelest of punchlines, friends he’d thought found lost again, new lows unearthed beneath older, traumatising ones. He has to make sure this one is real.

He keeps looking at her like she’s the sun. She can’t bear it.

He’s a good man. She feels this in her soul. Others would disagree, of course - they’ll call him an idiot, a fool, a traitor to his race, an apologist, an overbearing genius with more intellect than sense - but Abigail Brand has never lived her life thinking what other people have thought. Convention escapes her. She cares what she thinks, and she thinks that he’s a good man. Some days, when he’s been particularly brilliant or loving, she even knows it.

Which is why it hurts so much to feel that emptiness and cold in her, and see that fullness and warmth in him.

Good people, they can’t take it. Good people exist in their little sphere where they think that everyone else has some fundamental goodness in them that if only they’d reach it, the world would all just sit down and love each other. Abigail knows that’s not how it works, but she lets Hank believe it because if he believes it, maybe for a moment, she too can entertain the thought. But eventually, it escapes her, and she’s left with the fact that the world is so unkind and cruel in thoughtless ways. That defeat can be snatched from the jaws of victory if you look too closely at the details.

If she tells him, the warmth and fullness will drain from him. He’ll be empty inside, like her. This will be the final straw.

She knows she’s not good. She knows she never has been. Her mother had taught her that. Her superiors had taught her that. Life had taught her that. She’s kept herself sane mostly by reminding herself that while she certainly isn’t good, maybe it’s enough that she’s not bad, either. Not all the way through. Not truly. Not in the ways that matter. She believes in freedom, and life, and liberty, and all that hippie libertine bullshit Hank waxes philosophical about when he’s feeling fresh.

If she tells him, that will be the final proof. That will be the end of it. That will be the end of them.

She’s no professor, but she knows chemistry. She knows that you put certain things together, you get other things - the how’s, the why’s, the exactly how muchs, they don’t really matter to her, but the what, that does. That’s what they’ve always had, is chemistry. Angry. Explosive. Confused. Thrashing. Animalistic. It became something more, of course, but as Hank would tell you, all everything is, is just chemistry. When you boil it all down to chemistry, the reactants mix, the reaction happens, and you’re left with energy and your products.

She’s fought for so long to keep that reaction going. She doesn’t want them to end.

He makes her feel so good. On particularly wonderful days, he even makes her feel like she might be good, too. There’s a warmth and a softness and a delicateness to him that turns to heat and hardness and animal passion when ignited, and it’s only for her. It’s her special thing. Only she gets to enjoy it. Only she sees him in his every way, his every manifestation, his every weakness and strength and foible and kink. She really, really doesn’t want it to end. Not the nakedness, not the tenderness, not the morning coffees and the smiles and the thoughts of a future. None of it.

She died. Something cosmic. Something divine. Something cruel. Of course it was.

But there’s so much more that they could do together! S.W.O.R.D is work, sure, but it’s also play for them both - scientific majesty for him, action and duty and pleasure for her. They were both born for this kind of life, for on the fly decision making, for ridiculous improvisation, for fighting, for saving, for all of it. They could do this together forever. She leans back in her chair and she really does think that this is the best job in the universe.

She died pregnant.

She had to go to someone other than her usual doctor, of course. When she first began to suspect. It wasn’t something they’d ever considered being a possibility, given the alien DNA in play and Hank’s embarrassed mumbles about what his genetic code looked like. They’d - talked, about IVF, various other treatments, regimens, experimental techniques, but never seriously. Never seriously. Never with a thought that it could just happen. They’d been very stupid about that, she supposed, in retrospect. Like a bunch of dumb, lovestruck teenagers who thought you couldn’t get pregnant the first time or in a pool or stupid shit like that.

She came back.

She’d picked Richards, in the end. They had worked together. She respected his intelligence, knew he had children who didn’t hate him. He had been a little baffled, a little cold. Then he’d realised. Hank was a friend, and he was happy for him. Happy for them both. Happy for Abigail, and not just for her, but as a surrogate for her, because she hadn’t allowed herself to be happy about it, had just scowled or sat there with an implacable expression on her face. How inconvenient. How typical. This was going to get in the way of work.

She came back not pregnant.

As time went on, it became more apparent. It was quickly going to become harder to hide. Harder to justify going out on missions. Harder to justify not telling Hank. Harder to justify not telling the father of her child that the impossible had happened. That the inconvenient had happened. That something unexpected, and that something she had never thought she really wanted until it was right there in front of her, had happened.

It wasn’t David’s fault. He didn’t know. How could he have known? The power of a god has its limits. She doesn’t blame him.

She doesn’t do inarticulate screaming. She takes weeks of leave and no-one sees her, is what she does. Sydren is baffled. She doesn’t take leave. No-one, not even Hank, can convince her to take leave. She has so much of it accrued that she could be gone for a year and still be owed time. She gave so much of her life to work and duty and being a good defender of the Earth that when it came time to mourn how little of her life she could spend loving, she had plenty of it. Nothing but time. Nothing but time to contemplate the nothing she’s dying over. There’s nothing to bury. Just an idea. Just thoughts. Just a lifetime.

All right, that’s a fucking lie, she blames him and would kill him if she could. How fucking dare he. She thinks she might rather be dead still than deal with this.

“Hank, I have to tell you something.”

She savours these last few moments of warmth. She savours Hank McCoy as she’s known him.

Because it kills him.

The colour drains from his face.

The light fades out of his eyes.

The strength in his grip on her loosens.

The faith dies.

They don’t break up. Why would they? They still love each other. But to look at each other is to be reminded. To look at each other is to find that what each loved about the other has died. Hank’s warmth. Abigail’s certainty. The cold seeps in. They touch, but. They fuck, but. They hold each other, but.

They’re apart.

*~*

There's a chance meeting, between Hank and an old friend. A best friend, really - it's not as if he has many of those left by this point in his life, after the choices he's made. He's left the X-Men, left the Avengers, left his research behind. He's a soft, quiet little man living in Harvard, now. He likes it. Tess, privately, probably thinks it's a little beneath him, knows he can do better, but there's a brittle quality to him now that doesn't feel like it would stand up to pressure.

It takes a long time to get him to open up about what happened. Oh, the intervention, the Illuminati, the Inhuman conflict, whatever, that's all - that's all macro level shit, that can wait. She can tell there's something wrong in there, in his heart, but Hank is soft, and she doesn't like to think about hurting him. Not really.

It takes months to get him to tell her, and he doesn't really sound like Hank when he does. He talks about it like it happened to someone else - maybe he feels like it did, because it's not like there's anyone who he can talk to about this. Who can empathise? Who would care to? A life not lived, well, that happens all the time, Hank, but this isn't that. Not to him.

She hugs him. Gently. Again, she - really does feel like he's so much weaker now than he was, like a little too much pressure and he'll snap. He laughs and he jokes, but it's not the same. Everyone on campus keeps signing up for his classes, hoping they'll get Hank McCoy, but they just get Professor McCoy. Quietly funny, quietly good at teaching, quietly insightful. Just. Quiet.

He just.

Doesn't feel like there's much to talk about now.

Doesn't feel like he has much to offer anyone anymore. Maybe someone will come along and give him a purpose again. He'd like that.

*~*

“Yes, I said I won’t just join Krakoa … but a seat could convince me. You know who I am and what I can do. You’re working on a galactic scale now. This is a game I’ve been playing all my life. You play my way, you can actually win.”

Abigail Brand.

“I’ve been heading X-Force and doing the work the council needed done. You’ve lost Magneto. Magneto. You don’t need a soft hand. You need someone with that precision and intellect. And bonus, bountiful, blue fur. Now, in this powerpoint, I will …”

Dr. Hank McCoy, A.K.A. Beast.

“Hank used to be fun. Remember that? Before all the black ops. Before he dated Brand. I can barely tell him and her apart. I can’t help but think if we selected either, the one we didn’t pick would assassinate the other. Was that a bad breakup? Does anyone know?”

Kate Pryde, the Red Queen.

“They’re both completely unethical. I don’t trust either of them on the Council.”

Kurt Wagner, Nightcrawler.

*~*

They’re together again, for a moment.

She waits for him outside the meeting chamber.

He’s so cold now. A shell. The light has faded so completely from his eyes that one has been plucked out of its socket and even though it would be simplicity itself for him to replace it, to resurrect himself whole again, he chooses not to. He doesn’t care. What does it matter? There is only the mission now.

“Hank.”

“Abigail.”

They touch.

We could -

We could try again. It’s not too late. It’s never too late.

Sinister knows, somehow. Of course he does. He sent them both the same package, the same cruel joke. Would it delight him to know that neither of them so much as reacted to it? Or would it merely make him petulant? He thought it was funny. He thought it was the height of sadism. An oldie, but a goodie.

Neither of them so much as blinked when they saw the punchline.

What else was it going to be?

Baby shoes.

Never worn.

[tina-mairin-goldstein]

New getting to know you game!

Favorite movie: My Neighbor Totoro. It's the first movie I can ever remember watching, and it will always, hands down, be my favorite. It started my love of Studio Ghibli movies.

Favorite book: Splintered by A.G. Howard. A dark and twisted Alice and Wonderland retelling about Alice's descendant, filled with a lot of crazy, creepy, and wonderful details. Read it years ago and it instantly became my favorite.

Favorite any fandom rare-pair: The Ancient One and Kaecilius. I always assumed they had a relationship, and I headcanon them as having had one. Unfortunately for me, there is very little content with this air. Six stories. Just. Six. If that isn't the ultimate rare-pair, I don't know what is it.

Movie and/or TV show that you watched in the past year that surprised you, but you would totally recommend: For the movie, that would be The Hunt (Jagten). Recommended to me by an AO3 author. It's about a man wrongly accused of sexually abusing a child in his kindergarten class, who is also the child of his best friend. I've never had a movie make me so angry before. I mean, I get why people were making assumptions and such, but what got to me most was the guy he had known since they were toddlers didn't even give him a moment's benefit of the doubt. Didn't take a single moment to listen to him. And the kid (teenager) who actually led to the whole thing happening, even unintentionally, never spoke up or was pointed out.

For the TV show, that's tied between Hannibal and Supernatural. I was little apprehensive about both, because while I wanted to watch Hannibal when it first aired, I wasn't allowed (too young) and I'd never watched anything so dark or violent. But now it's my favorite TV show, and I would totally recommend it. It's dark, twisted, and really intriguing. I love Hannigram.

As for Supernatural, I'd seen some clips of Sam and Dean over the years, and one episode I watched, they seemed like complete jerks, so I was iffy about starting it. I feel silly for being hesitant now, because it is SO good. It's funny, compelling, and interesting, even if sometimes the Winchester brother break-up angst gets on my nerves.

What's your profile pic and why?: Profile pic is Abigail Hobbs from Hannibal, in the episode Primavera. It went with my header, which I changed after getting mad at the old one (for petty personal reasons), and I love the lighting in it. I also really liked Abigail's outfit and hairstyle in that episode.

No pressure tagging: @keepmeinmind-01, @creative-girl, and @inastarlesssky, plus anyone else who wants to play! I don't know who follows me or is a mutual and likes to play these.

[rammy]

insane double feature for the ask game incoming but tell me about either n gin or charles offdensen or both IDK

IM DOING BOTH. HI

n. gin first (wife privileges)

sexuality and gender i thinj hes bisexuals with like kind of a male preference. His gender is unknowable like honestly he's got some kind of .. Genderous Swag .. to him in a way I cant describe. and is one of those characters where literally any gender headcanon i've seen I've just been like "yea I can see that"

my OTP with n. gin is with MEEEEEEEEEEEE no but actually i'm like at least a little endeared when people draw him with n. brio ig. I don't know if i'd call what is happening with him and cortex a Ship not even in an "I dislike this" way i'm just like Woah. That's Crazy. N. Gin so freaky. Like it's beyond my perception of a normal Ship they're not even a Divorced OTP like cortex/brio they're just. Involved in such a strange way. But my selfship is the one true romance relationship I am invested in with him honest to god not even kidding that's my wife

BROTP idk I think its cute when he's like nina's designated batshit insane babysitter for the day. I liked seeing them kill ppl together in tag team racing when you played it. maybe i'm biased because I also love nina (*cortex voice* MY DAUGHTER)

NOTP i'm sorry him x n tropy is kind of nothing to me but maybe that's because I'm not that interested in n tropy like idk he's blue and British. it's not bad though i'm just like Eh

Random headcanon idk i like the idea of his palette change in twinsanity and eventually the radical ent. games being that he's like basically undead and all corpsey but he's still kickin like all the crazy shit done to him like the missile life support system is no matter what happens still. SUPPORTING. the hair color change is unrelated he just realized he's goth so he dyed it. I like how he acts like such a 2000s mall goth XD random wafflez no preps type of guy at his old age. cute.

my overall opinion on this character is that we're married

CHARRRRRLEEEEEEESSSS TIMEEEEEEEEEEE

Gender and sexuality headcanon honestly for the most part for years i've been on board with him being a trans male and gay but the more people posting about butch cfo the more it starts to embed in my brain. it's inspired.

OTP umm I enjoy seeing nathan/charles content it's cute i know I have my nathan/pickles bias but idk.. it's cute.. plus I've seen people make nathan/charles/pickles content before it was cool. also just pickles/charles i see very little of but I do kind of see the vision. all the Charles x dick knubbler fan art i've seen is pretty cute too

BROTP I loveeeeeeee when people draw charles and abigail and knubbler being dethstaff friends. bonding over those stupid assholes they work for. i understand why they went with abi leaving to like. Live her own life away from the inherent fuckedupness of working for dethklok but in a world where there were more episodes and they got the chance to like. Write her more as a character and give her more content then i'd like to see her bond with at least the dethstaff I can see it more than her palling around with actual dethklok to be honest. Also Im sorry I have to say it I want more cute dethstaff art with edgar included HE'S WORKING THERE TOO!!!!!!!!!! COME ON. anyways.

idk if I have a "NOTP" with him I mean I've seen him and magnus as ex lovers(?) which i guess I haven't been sold on enough. I've also seen him shipped with fucking idk melmond MELMORD THATS HIS NAME IM TOO USED TO CALLING HIM ARIN HANSON.

Random headcanon idk does me thinking he's autistic count

My opinion on charles offdensen is that his butch swag is what brought him back to life

[asshlyyyy]

Dyed Hair (Hacketter Headcanons)

Aren’t headcanons supposed to be written fast??? Someone please explain to me why this took me hours??? Also... I would like to apologize for Kaitlyn’s it is absolutely bad, and I am still trying to learn the characters. 

This came to my mind when I decided I wanted to dye my hair pink. I then thought... how would the counselors react to you having colored hair?

Masterlist

Abigail:

"Oh- wow- you look amazing,"

"Can I draw you?"

"What is that color? It's so unique,"

As a first-time hair dyer, she would definitely give you pointers.

Tell you which shampoo and conditioner to use

Would show you how to match your hair to your clothes

You guys would have the most aesthetic photos ever

Laying down in the grass, your bright-colored hair contrast against it... *mwah*

Kaitlyn:

"I like it. Kind of badass."

"Yeah? You think so?"

"I know so,"

People started to call you the badass couple

The couple that no one wants to mess with

Some were even scared of the two of you

"Maybe I should dye my hair?"

"Definitely"

Nick:

Wouldn't know what to say at first

Lost for words

"It's bad isn't it?"

"No no no, I'm just... wow..."

Changes the background on his phone just so it has your new hair color on it.

He would take photos every chance you gave him

He wouldn't say it... but you looked hot

"You look absolutely breathtaking, love."

Emma:

*gasps*

"You look so hot!"

"I have to take pictures!"

Compliments your hair every single time she sees you

Would show you off every time she is live

Takes pictures every time your hair is looking amazing... which is always

"I wish I could do that"

"You can do whatever you want. No one is stopping you."

"What would my fans think?"

"They would love it," *smiles*

Ryan:

"It- It's definitely something"

"So... you don't like it...?"

"No no, I mean, I do."

It would take him a while to get used to it

Well at first it caught him by surprise, he does end up loving it

"Your hair looks amazing,"

"Are you just saying that?"

"It looks amazing, Y/n."

Dylan:

"Holy shit-"

"Is it bad...?"

"Fuck no, it's fucking hot."

No matter what color you decided to go for, Dylan would absolutely love you

Would definitely come up with cute nicknames based on the color of your choice

"Should I dye mine so that we can match?"

"Your nub would end up dyed"

*dyes his hair*

"Worth it"

More than just matching outfits... matching hair

The shower is now dyed (color of your choice)

Jacob:

"Oh heck yeah!"

Can't stop looking at it

"Take a picture, it'll last longer" *takes picture* "I-"

Would take tons of pictures

Would try his best to match with your hair so that you guys are couple goals

Could easily spot you because of your hair, yes he has lost you before

Smiles every time he sees you

Laura:

"Why, (color of your choice)?"

"Because I like it,"

Wouldn't understand why you would want to dye your hair

She would eventually find out it was due to insecurities with her old hair color

"Babe, I loved your hair (original hair color)."

"So you don't like my hair now?"

"I didn't say that. I was just saying, that I loved your old hair color. I happen to love your hair now."

You start to question if you ruined things

Your insecurities rise through the roof

"Hey, I bought some clothes that go with your hair. I think they would look cute."

"Really?"

"Yeah, try them on," *Smiles*

So, you try them on... and you feel fucking amazing.

Max:

"Oh hey... Is that new?"

"I mean... yeah?" *chuckles nervously*

"It suits you,"

Max hasn't ever dated anyone that had their hair dyed before

He saw plenty of pictures online, but in person... it looks different... it looks amazing

"Your hair feels different."

"How so?" *laughs gently*

"It just does"

Wouldn't have an explanation for it, but it would feel/smell different.

Couldn't stop running his fingers through it

[wasteofanarrow]

cowboys at da club

Thank you to @jelliebeansaregood for the prompt!

Remember, requests are OPEN!

Group Headcanon:

Lemme tell y’all, these motherfuckers go HARD to Friends in Low Places

I’m talking full on dancing with their arms around each other

Just the thought of this has me up in my feelings

Dutch:

Overdressed because he’s extra

Top shelf liquor ONLY because he’s def lying to himself

Works with Hosea to get into the VIP section

Chain smokes cigars in the comfy velvet seats

Chats up a few women and ignores Molly’s text messages

Only dances to a few songs

Dances way too hard to SexyBack...ends up throwing out his back

Hosea:

Didn’t really want to go because he’s “too old

But if he’s gonna go out he’s gonna do it right

Works with Dutch to get into the VIP section

These females are all up on him and he’s kinda shocked because he’s an old man—really boosts the confidence

Is up dancing until 4am...he feels like death the next day cuz he’s not used to this kind of life anymore

Arthur:

Arthur “stays at the bar until I’m sloshed” Morgan

Feels awkward at first but those whiskey shots tho

Once he’s good and drunk he’s super affectionate towards his friends—lots of “I love you, man” and slinging his arms around their shoulders

Dances super awkwardly on the outskirts of the dance floor but he’s having a great time and it shows

Chats with some ladies, and has a few dances but he doesn’t take anyone home—not the kind for one night stands after Eliza

Gets his ✨choice✨ ass slapped at least ten times by random people—he blushes furiously each time it happens

John:

Honestly he’s happy he got to come out tonight, he wanted to chill with the boys

Abigail didn’t have an issue with letting him go...so long as he wear a cock cage (we stan Abigail as a dom)

She’s not afraid of him cheating, she just wants to make sure any women grinding on him on the dance floor knows he’s taken in a humiliating way

Don’t worry it’s all consensual

Goes ham whenever an emo banger starts playing

Definitely requests Welcome to the Black Parade

Very sweaty

Gets drunk super fast because he’s a light weight, Arthur has to carry him to the car...and he definitely feels the cage John has on (through his pants of course) and he’s 100% uncomfortable. Thankfully John won’t remember this the next morning

Charles:

Sticks around Arthur and Javier

He doesn’t drink enough to get super wasted, just has a few and offers to drive the fellers home

Dances a lot

Buys people he’s attracted to drinks from across the bar

Hella phone numbers and people grinding up on that b o d y

Doesn’t do hookups too often because it’s not as fulfilling as a sexual encounter with someone he cares about, but he does ask a pretty girl on a lunch date on Sunday afternoon

Javier:

RESPECT THE DRIP

He looks incredible as per usual

He even accessorized for this y’all

Tears it up on the dance floor

Legit getting so much attention and he’s living for it

Goes hard to despacito even though he claims to hate that song

Takes home a guy and a girl ayyyy

Bill:

Is confused as to why men keep coming up to him and asking if he’s a “bear” what does that mean

Instantly regrets it when he asks Sean what it means

Orders Miller Lite even though he’s out on the town

A bit awkward at first, but he loosens up

Don’t even talk to him when the cha cha slide comes on because he’s ‘bout to risk it all on the dance floor

Sean:

Requests Cotton Eyed Joe and goes HARD to that shit

Definitely took some mdma, he’s having a fantastic time thank u very much

He and Lenny fuck it up on the dance floor to the point where people gather around them to watch

Starts a bar fight when he gets overly fucked up, gets kicked out

Micah:

Vodka shots every five minutes

Takes people’s leftover drinks because hey it’s a free drink (clearly has no regard for his own safety—the gang keeps tabs on him)

Tries too hard to chat up the ladies but manages to charm one woman enough to dance with her and take her home later

Super sexual dancing—if it weren’t for the clothes, it would look like he’s all up in them guts on the dance floor

Lenny:

When I say boy’s got moves I mean boy’s got moves

He also went ham to Cotton Eyed Joe

Took shots with Arthur so he’s super fucked up

Is embarrassed when people hit on him because he’s a sweet cinnamon roll who doesn’t know how to romance

Still manages to get a phone number or two as well as a few dances

Throws up in the Uber back home

Kieran:

Sweet, shy, anxious angel boy didn’t want to go out so he’s home in his softest pjs watching tv with Mary-Beth

[neon-junkie]

Hopefully it's not a bother, but could you write something about the Van Der Linde gang getting magically transported (Magic, Tardis, Marko, Science ) to the modern universe and having the gn! Reader help them adapt to this world? Maybe some of their reactions to new things (indoor bathrooms, new music, tv, memes) Thank you so much, love!

oh god this is a long post, and as always, im convinced i’ve missed one member out... minor drug warning on Johns headcanon, but the rest are tame. hope u enjoy!

Part 2 is here  |  Part 3 is here

Arthur finds your computer and figures out how to turn it on. Your face turns white when you find him on Tumblr, quickly shutting the tab and urging him up off the chair. "Hey! I was reading that! I was... erm, I think I was having sex with myself," he tells you. Yep, he's found the fanfiction. "Do they really mean that? That I got kind eyes and a, uh... fat ass, I think it was?"  You quickly show him the kitchen and run back to delete all your history. John goes rummaging through your cupboards for something to eat, and eventually finds the brownies in the fridge. You find him on the roof, his eyes red and his heads spinning. "Them.. them brownies..." he mutters. "I know, John," you sob back. You know which brownies he ate, and my god, he ate a lot of them. Arthur babysits him, his mind still questioning what he just read on your computer. Dutch finds the beast of a lawnmower you have in your garage, so you show him how to use it. Why not? He's mowing your lawn for free. Well, he did mow your lawn, but you eventually have to send a search party out after him, only to find him a couple of streets away, parked up next to a childs lemonade stand, insisting they should be selling this lemonade for more if they want to make a profit. 

Hosea also goes missing, but you find him during your search party mission. He's walking up the street back to the house with a paper bag in his hands, and he tells you he's managed to con the gas station clerk into giving him some free booze. You're not sure how, but he's done no harm so you let him enjoy his wine in peace. Bill found your anime figure collection, the ones with the big boobs. He asked you what they were, despite seeming rather flustered, but you tried to explain that it's normal and gave him a book to read. You catch him on your computer a few hours later buying himself a waifu body pillow because "I love her, dammit! Just let us be!" He also keeps pressing the squishy boobs on your anime mouse matt, and yes, he's still very flustered. Javier finds the TV in your room that has Netflix on it, so you show him how to use it and he seems happy distracting himself with that. You walk in a few hours later to see that Javier hasn't moved, but Molly is now by his side, also engulfed in the drag show on the screen. Javier has a thick pair of false lashes on that Molly managed to put on him, and the first thing he says to you is "can you believe this? They voted her off! I... I can't believe this." He's shaking his head and looks like he's about to cry. Charles discovers your computer, and you decide he'd be happy just browsing the web. You come back hours later to find 100 tabs open and your computer fan is louder than an airplane. The current tab open is on a 'where's Waldo?' piece. He's very close to the screen, and you decide to show him how to zoom in to help him find Waldo faster. He's very thankful, and not causing any damages so you leave him to it. Lenny also rummages through your kitchen and finds a pizza in the freezer. He asks you what it is, so you put it in the oven for him. He spends the whole 15 minutes sitting in front of the oven, briefly saying hello to Sean as he runs through. Lenny manages to get the pizza out without burning himself, turns the oven off, cuts up the pizza and takes it upstairs to enjoy with Jack. Yes, he also fed Sean a slice. Sean finds the energy drinks in your fridge that you keep for work. They tasted a little funny at first, but after the third one, he's decided he likes them. You catch him opening his fourth, his eyes are wider than the moon. He cries when you take it off him, and spends the rest of the day running around the garden with your dogs, followed by going to each member of the camp and personally annoying them until he crashes out under your dining table. It's a cozy spot for a nap. Kieran uses your computer after Charles comes off it, and discovers youtube. He starts off with simple cat videos and eventually moves on to fails and meme comps. By the time dinner rolls around, nobody can understand him, and you barely understand half the things he's saying. The only thing you do understand is "big mood," which is what Kieran says when he sees Sean asleep under the dining table. Pearson decides to avoid the kitchen and try something new, and you're quick to decide he'd enjoy rock music. You show him a couple of CD's and leave him to have a listen, only to come storming back up the stairs a few minutes later because he's turned the volume up to full blast and is having a rather funky jam session. "Now this, this is real music!!" He's really enjoying the classics. Trelawny is quick to figure out how to use the TV. He's seen "those moving picture shows" before, and he's mesmerized by how far they've come! You catch him up at 5am watching documentaries to help bridge the gap between his time and yours, and when you walk into the lounge, you're met by a very sleep deprived Trelawny. The only thing he says to you, with heavy bags under his eyes, is "terribly sorry to hear about all these wars you've been having, my dear." He finally goes to bed, but only because you make him. Swanson disappears, but there's a church down the road from you so you decide to check there first. He's inside, joining in on the ceremony, singing his heart out to all the hymns with a real bible in his hands, not the fake one he has back at camp. He seems content so you leave him to it. He thankfully returns just in time for dinner, and tells everybody how he's been blessed and that we can "never leave this land!" Strauss also disappears very quickly, and you have to search for him when you go to look for Dutch. He's also at the lemonade stand, trying to explain to Dutch that if the child sells the lemonade for more, then they're less likely to get customers as it's too expensive. The two of them are arguing, and the child seems rather confused. Strauss later has a breakdown at the noise your toilet makes, he informs you that he'll be using your outside bathroom, even if it is just the bushes. Micah says he doesn't need you to show him the ropes and swats you away, so you leave him to it. You've not seen him for a good few hours, so you run around the house trying to find him. You eventually find him in your room, going through your underwear draw. Arthur is quick to knock his lights out, and you leave him tied up in the garage so he can't do any more damage. Micah also pissed all over your toilet seat and didn't flush. Abigail joins Trelawny in the lounge, watching the TV after Jack tells her he's happy playing with the toys in your room. She and Trelawny have an argument over what to watch next, so you give her your laptop to watch TV on, along with a pair of headphones. She refuses to come off a few hours later because she's way too engulfed in the modeling show she's watching. You promise her you'll let her give you a makeover if she comes off, and she finally agrees. Jack discovers your big box of legos and he seems more than content playing with those. He ends up building a fort, with the help of Lenny, and the two fire pillows at you when you try and enter the room. The pillow canons are, of course, made from legos. At least they're not lego pillows! Jack also thanks you for the pizza, describing it as 'yummy.' Sadie finds your katana collection, and you're quick to take them off her and attempt to hide them. She spends some time pretending to be interested in something else, but as soon as you turn your back for a split second, she's found them again and is heading straight for Kieran. The room where you keep your katanas is now locked and Sadie is in time out. Susan comes across your sewing machine and you're happy to show her how it works. She picks it up quickly, and her eyes glisten as she realizes just how fast this thing is. You leave her be since she's not causing any harm, but come back an hour later to find she's made new a new dress for herself, and all the girls in the gang, including Sadie. They're all matching! Tilly finds your piano and tells you she's happy to be left to her own devices, she knows how to play. You eventually have to tell her and Susan to calm down after receiving another noise complaint, as Susan is attempting to sing opera, and Tilly is killing it on the piano. At least she hasn't damaged anything. She later joins Mary-Beth in time to watch Beauty and the Beast, also sobbing at the film. Karen goes into your garage and discovers your old golf clubs. You show her how it works in your garden, but just like everybody else, it goes wrong. Your neighbor knocks on your door, screaming, demanding to know why you keep firing golf balls through their window. That's when you find Karen and Sean (who is still on his energy drink high) having a contest to see who can smash the most. Mary-Beth discovers your kindle, and she seems rather content with being able to read. There's no way this could possibly go wrong? Well, you come back a little later to find that Mary-Beth is sobbing after reading Beauty and the Beast. She wants a sappy romance just like that to happen to her. She cries even harder when she watches the Disney film, along with Trelawny who hasn't moved from the TV for hours. Molly picks up your tablet, and after showing her what youtube is, you leave her to it. You find her a few hours later sat in front of your mirror with the most flawless, full face of makeup. She greets you by going "hey sisters!" and speaks to you like a vsco girl. You have no idea what she's saying, but she seems to be doing fine, so you leave her to it.

[unearthly-space]

Lenny X Sean; Teaching Sean to read headcanons

Can this writing even be classified as headcanons? I got a little carried away. My apologies. Also - slight spoilers ahead.

Lenny found out Sean couldn’t read when he overheard the latter criticizing Mary-Beth’s love of books one night while drunk in Horseshoe Overlook.

“I jus’ don’ get it, Mary-Beth. What’s so in’eresting in those there pages that’s better than the world around ya? I never learned ta read and I’m all the more worldly for it. You should get your nose outta those books before you run into a fence and realize ten years have passed.”

Since then, Lenny has been pestering and pestering Sean about teaching him to read, not letting up no matter how many times Sean tries to rebuff him.

“Everyone should know how to read. Hosea and Abigail have been teaching Jack. Maybe they could help you too.”

“No way in Hell, boyo. I’ve been doing fine wit’out reading up till now and I don’ need ta start now, so just leave me alone.”

Lenny refuses to give up and he makes it known to Sean that he’s not letting it go anytime soon. Sean slowly begins to cave into Lenny’s incessant pestering about teaching him to read.

“Why won’t ya give up on me already? I ain’t worth it, Lenny. Just leave me alone. I’m sure dere is someone else here who you can teach instead.”

“You are worth it Sean, and I won’t ever give up on you.”

Sean doesn’t know what to say to those words, just drinks his beer instead of answering.

Sean finally agrees to try one lesson with Lenny and the two sit down at one of the camp tables away from the others.

“Look, see? S E A N. Sean.” Lenny spells out Sean’s name and sounds it out for the Irishman to hear as he used his pencil to point at .each letter.

“S E A N.” Sean struggled to replicate Lenny’s perfect handwriting, his own writing of his name much too big and lopsided with too much spacing between letters.

“Not bad for a first try, Sean.” Lenny smiled at the other in encouragement, but it only irritated Sean more.

“It’s not for me, I tried. Now I’m done.” Lenny’s smile dropped when Sean stood and marched away to the lean-to tent he shared with the Reverend.

After that first lesson, Sean begins to avoid Lenny for a good week despite the camp having virtually no privacy. Lenny tries to have a conversation with Sean with little effect. He ends up cornering the redhead on the edge of their camp, only to catch him while he’s taking a drunken piss.

“Sean, just try.”

“I did-*hic*-try. Now leave meh alone. I’m pissin’ here.”

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

“So what if I have?”

“Why?”

Sean grumbles and tucks himself away, turning away from the tree and crossing his arms.

“I like your face, and your kindness, and your hope. I like ya and it pisses me off, so fuck you and fuck your books and paper.”

“You...like...me?” It was a good thing it was dark or Lenny might have died from the embarrassed flush on his cheeks.

“Are ya deaf?” Neither says anything any more and Sean stumbles away, picking up another drink as he went.

Lenny needed to think.

They do end up continuing the reading lessons, but not for another few weeks and, by that time, the camp had been moved to Clemens Point. The horror show in Valentine and the move distracting everyone. Sean is surprisingly the one to bring it up again, asking Lenny in an embarrassment.

“You’re doing better. I knew you’d be a fast learner.” Lenny wouldn’t tell Sean how proud he was, it might just scare the man away from their lessons.

“Shuddup, you don’ know nothing but what you know.”

“What does that even mean?”

“It means shut the fuck up teach me how to spell Karen’s name.”

Lenny laughs a little at that and they keep practicing.

Eventually, Lenny brings a book of poems to one of their lessons and it would soon be the first literary piece Sean would practice reading.

“My life had stood...a looo-load-”

“Loaded.”

“Loaded.” Sean repeats and continues. “Gun. In cor-corn-corners, till a day. The owner pass-ssed, id...iden..."

“Identified, Sean. You’re doing great, read the next few lines and we can stop for the day.”

“And carry-carried me away.” Sean would squint a glare as he growled out words, trying to sound them out and say them without asking for help. Stubborn baby boy.

“Keep going, you got it.”

“And now...we roam in sov-rei-gn woods, and now we hu-hunt the doe, and every time I speak for Hiiim, the moun-tains s-str-straight reply.”

“That was great Sean, we’ll finish the poem next time.”

“Can I go now?”

From there, Lenny just about manages to make Sean sit through a half-hour lesson almost every-day. They both never brought up the drunken confession (if it could be called that) since it happened until they finished one of their lessons and Sean (in Sean fashion), blurted out -

“Back...back at Horseshoe, I mean’ what I said. I liked, still do like, your face and how nice ya are and how giving ya are. You, Dutch and Hosea are de only people who’ve never given up on me. Just, t’ank you Lenny.”

“Sean-”

“I know, I know. I’m going-”

Lenny grabbed him and shut the redhead up with a quick and chaste kiss. “Your turn to shut up.”

“Will...will do.”

They keep their relationship a secret, of course, and continue the reading lessons. Lenny once took a spare tent and grabbed some pillows and blankets from their tents to set up a little make-shift hideaway in the woods surrounding Clemens Point. Not too far away from camp, but far enough to give them privacy. Lenny nabbed Sean right after dinner and showed him.

“Wh-What’s dis now, boyo? Got some’ting interesting in mind?”

“Not in that way, you pervert. Get in, we’re going to read together.”

“We’re...what?”

“Or I could read, and you could listen?”

They ended up laying in the tent with Sean’s head on Lenny’s chest as the younger man read a book aloud to him in the quiet night.

Lenny starts reading to Sean more often after that night, usually after dark and away from the others.

“You like it.”

“Shudup, ye old sop.”

Sean secretly loves listening to Lenny’s voice, but won’t ever admit it.

Arthur Morgan and Charles Smith knew about their whole relationship before they even knew.

Sean really does learn fast, and finished reading his first (albeit short) book not long before he has to leave the camp with Bill and Micah to meet Arthur in Rhodes. He kisses Lenny goodbye, the horses hiding them from view.

“I’ll see ya soon, boyo. Now don’t feel too lonely wit’out your MacGuire around to keep you company.”

“Be careful, at least. You can be such a hothead.”

“Ay, but I’m your hothead. I promise to be careful.”

“You’re lucky I love you.”

“I love you too, and when I’m back, ye can help me read a new book or, maybe, read that new one ye got to me?”

Sean’s body was brought back instead, thrown over the back of Bill’s horse like a ragdoll. The camp was heartbroken, but none more so than Lenny Summers. The book he had grabbed when hearing someone announce their arrival fell from his hands. It was the new one he planned on reading with Sean.

“Sean...you promised….”

For the remainder of his short life, Lenny never did read that book, nor did he read to anyone else. He only read when he couldn’t avoid it. What was the point without Sean? When he felt that bullet tear through him in Saint Denis, he almost smiled at the thought of seeing Sean again.

“Just one more time,” was his final thought as he took his last breath on that rooftop.

[harvestdew]

Hi! could you talk more about Kiki's friendship with Haley, and Cleo's friendship with Linus? They seem to have a cool dynamic :D

OMG of course i actually have a whole post here but i love haley so i will ALWAYS elaborate on anything about her ^_^ i’m sorry if this isn’t long i’m on my last week of school + finals

haley + kiki dynamic

i’ve already said this before but haley is one of my favorites because i enjoy her development. i think that mean girl with issues turned best friend is one of my favorite tropes and works with haley really well, and kiki works really well in terms of breaking the tough girl exterior because she’s WAY nicer than cleo (probably why haley takes longer to get around to liking cleo even though they’re dating)

haley didn’t get around to liking kiki that fast - i mentioned this in another post but kiki stayed in pelican town around middle school - freshman year, but she couldn’t have been that close to haley because i think haley gives me 19-20 year old vibes and kiki is 23. if she was a 13 year old in middle school, haley would be 9-10 and they wouldn’t be in the same grade. given i’ve finally nailed down their ages after writing that post i wouldn’t have kiki crush on haley to overcompensate for ME wanting to marry her, i have cleo who is haley’s age

SO why does haley come around to liking kiki? when kiki first moves back to pelican town, haley is kinda nosey and tries to figure out why someone would move away from the city without showing much interest. she’s also distrustful being haley, so it doesn’t really seem like it’s going anywhere. kiki also doesn’t get haley’s deal until emily (who she befriends faster) tells her it’s not haley’s fault she’s insecure, so she starts to feel bad for haley. but i feel like haley isn’t really won over by a lot of gifts even though kiki probably gifted her daffodils or expensive clothing she doesn’t want anymore. the only actual tipping point is when (in my funny little universe) kiki found haley crying over ALEX (no shade to him, but he does avoid haley and tells you not to tell her where he is) and talked to her about how she feels like everyone thinks she’s shallow. the whole convo ends with haley figuring “oh she’s not that bad,” warming up to her, and them becoming best friends

i also like to think kiki is just as overprotective of haley as she is over her but just not overtly. she has a pretty bad impression of alex for a number of reasons, but 1 of the biggest contenders is the haley thing. she gets defensive or mad when sebastian, abigail, sam, EVEN SHANE points out incorrect stuff about haley because it’s annoying when people make assumptions about haley

kiki does try really hard to bridge the gap between sebastian and haley, but their differences seem so disparate that it feels like she’s trying to make a bird and a cat friends. it doesn’t stop her from trying to and they both hate it like it’s the worst experience in their lives until they learn to tolerate each other

haley seems like a good cook, so she bakes with kiki frequently to spend quality time together. sometimes kiki also hangs out with haley by the river so she can forage/fish (before cleo comes to take over fishing) while haley takes pictures. when she unlocks the movies, she also takes haley a lot. i’m 100% sure that kiki hangs out with haley the most out of ALL of the villagers including sebastian because haley is less of a homebody

haley gave up on figuring out what kiki’s beef was w/ joja and zuzu city until she accidentally finds out. haley convinced her to go shopping in a district in zuzu city without knowing kiki is technically a missing person, and kiki only went because haley really wants to. like she figured, okay i dress differently and my hair is dyed, it’s fine. also, it’s some random shopping district where rich people wouldn’t go. they hit a department store anyway until kiki, being paranoid, freaked out because she thought she saw her mom and hid in a bathroom. but haley, feeling bad for her, bought kiki a hat and sunglasses to cover her so they could go back home, then figured out what happened afterwards

tl;dr: haley for best friend of the year. she is what she is and eric barone should let me rewrite her

linus + cleo dynamic

this one seems weird (?) probably as weird as kiki and shane being friends. cleo being 19 and linus being an old man seems like they’re on opposite sides of the spectrum and she’d probably hate him. in actuality linus is 1 of the first people she befriends. she gifts him the fastest, and rather than willy teaching her, linus helps her get better at fishing

cleo frequents fishing at the mountain lake more because it’s less boring. linus stands by the river at certain times of the day and she fishes according to that schedule so they can chat or she can drop food off at his tent

also if it wasn’t obvious, cleo’s 100 times harder to befriend than kiki. she’s rude asf and has an issue with being blunt, plus she thinks everyone around her only gives a fuck abt themselves. but if you’ve played the game you can tell linus is a nice old man, minds his business, etc., right off the bat. it’s his down-to-earth attitude and non-judgmental advice that makes him the least annoying and she takes his wise advice SUPER seriously. so instead of hating linus, he’s a positive grandpa/dad figure in her life

and whenever haley + cleo get married (FAR future they’re both 19 and 20), she is probably not going to invite her dumb as balls dad to walk her down the aisle, it’s 100% going to be linus. he’s probably the only old person in the valley besides evelyn that she thinks wouldn’t be awful about her being a lesbian

also, cleo is not out to her family, prior friends, or really anyone before stardew valley. she doesn’t trust her parents, actually dates a former male bandmate to stop speculation, and thinks it’ll be negatively publicized if she does. cleo might exude sapphic energy, but she doesn’t say anything about her sexuality when she runs away either. it’s not that she feels particularly unsafe with kiki or even sam (her best friend) knowing it either, but she just feels like she’s better off never saying anything. linus, oddly enough, is the person who talks cleo through dealing with this

and b/c linus gives me super “got his shit together” and calm energy, which levels out cleo’s impulsivity and anger streaks. it’s probably not a good idea to bring this up to abigail and sam because they’d hype her up more and she’s just go ballistic. so if alex pisses her off, linus gets her to cool down. she could be annoyed because pierre side-eyed her and linus would say 5 words to make her stop fuming

i also really like the headcanon that linus used to be like? a huge business CEO whatever and gave it up to live in the nature. cleo would hear that and be like are you fr? that’s so cool. i too hate capitalism

what’s even weirder is linus definitelyyyy goes to cleo’s band performances as moral support. no one knows why this old man is hanging out at a venue with young adults, but cleo says it is what it is and it’s no one’s business

anyway that’s it for now! this was a fun exercise/break for me, thank you sm for asking!!! i always have fun doing these

[vegetalass]

RDR2 Boys Cooking + Eating Habits

Arthur 

Somebody else on here wrote some headcanons about Arthur not being able to cook and just eating microwave food all the time and I just have to say…. That’s canon 

Lowkey though he’s trying his best to get better at cooking

Probably the only thing he knows how to make is pasta 

He adds a bunch of random frozen veggies to water as the noodles are cooking 

And then smothers the whole thing in butter and calls it a meal

Or he puts marinara sauce on it straight from the jar 

And yes, that means it’s cold

He’s also getting better at friend rice, too

But he’s really bad at actually making rice 

If he doesn’t add too much water… He burns the bottom 

Charles makes a mental note to buy him a rice cooker for his birthday 

Makes his own popsicles out of random fruit juices and eats them 24/7 

Thinks this qualifies him as a chef

Eats pickles and olives straight out of the jar with a fork 

And sauerkraut too probably 

Just goes over to john’s house on his pizza nights 

Puts ketchup on eggs

John 

Pizza dad 

Probably orders pizza, salad, and a 64oz soda twice a week 

Everything else is just Dino chicken nuggets, Eggos, hot dogs, quesadillas, and frozen peas and corn 

Food you feed to little kids, basically 

Mostly because he does have a little kid 

But also because it’s easy and takes minimal effort and he doesn’t mind eating it, too

Abigail would be mad but she has no room to talk

The most you’ll see him actually make is buttered pasta (like Arthur) or sometimes beans and rice 

Abigail bought them a rice cooker a while ago so that’s one thing he doesn’t have to worry about 

Probably always has some type of dessert laying around 

Doesn’t mean it’s good, but it’s there 

Abigail buys a bunch of those gross, low calorie ice creams and John ends up having to finishing them 

Family lunches consist of a bologna sandwich on wheat bread with American cheese and mayo, a piece of fruit, a bag of chips or crackers, a go-gurt, and some gummies 

And yes he makes them for himself and Abigail too 

They’re all eating good at the Marston household 

(Not really)

Charles 

Everything he cooks are things that can’t be made in single batches 

Lots of healthy soups, chilis, stew, etc…

Most of the time, he makes too much of whatever it is so he always has leftovers 

Everyone is jealous when he brings them for lunch

Probably finds all of his recipes in the newspaper or random magazines he reads while at the grocery store checkout line

Everyone is like, “Charles… Why are you reading Women’s Fitness?” 

And he’s like, “Check out this salad recipe, though”

Puts hot sauce on everything 

Salad, macaroni and cheese, hamburgers... You name it 

And he’s the king of snacking

All of his snacks are healthy, though

Raw veggies and fruit and quinoa chips from Whole Foods or something like that

Nobody likes this

He’s one of those people who brings hard boiled eggs everywhere as a “snack,” too

And yea, he puts hot sauce on those, also 

He really likes those weird protein bars that are hard to bite into and taste like chalk 

The flavors are either normal stuff like white chocolate macadamia or Protein Power Punch with whey, chia and seaweed 

There’s no in between 

He’s also a charcuterie board legend

Hosea is jealous of this talent

Micah

Spends all his money on take out 

He’s totally one of those weird people who’s entire trash can is just filled with take out boxes and cans of coke or beer

Constantly eating fast food 

You ask him what he bought at the supermarket and he’s like “Pub mix and bud light” 

SIR 

Everything that he does manage to cook only involve one step of preparation 

Unseasoned, fried meats and boiled veggies 

Sometimes scrambled eggs and bacon

If he’s feeling fancy, he will make plain sandwiches

This is very rare, though

Can and will complain about anyone’s cooking

Even if it’s good and he he likes it

There are certain people he can’t do this to, though, or they won’t let him eat

The only person’s cooking he doesn’t complain about is Dutch’s

Constantly snacking from an entire party sized bag of chips

And yes, he eats straight out of the bag and wipes his fingers on his jeans

His oven is dirty

Hosea 

A meal for him is probably a handful of almonds and an applesauce or yogurt cup 

He is constantly making a bunch of those Tik Tok recipes where you just put a bunch of random stuff into your crock pot and add ranch seasoning and cream cheese

*insert all of those memes about mom pulling out the crock pot*

If you complain, he says “Well, you’re always welcome to cook, too”

Wears an apron when he cooks

Constantly eating plain toast with butter

And bananas 

And cheese sticks

Thinks that this makes him “healthy” 

Definitely likes to snack on those cocktail fruit cups and canned mandarin oranges

His entire freezer is just full of ice cream 

It’s all weird flavors like Cherry Garcia, chocolate banana, and pistachio though

Everyone hates him for this

Raisins are his late night treat 

Has a secret stash of candy no one can find 

That’s okay though because it’s mostly Werthers Originals

And Chiclets gum

He picks out all the orange ones, though

Dutch

Tries to re-plate takeout so he can call it his own

Everybody sees through this but they stopped commenting on it like four Thanksgivings ago 

Buys a bunch of those meals from Costco that all you need to do is heat up in the oven

He does like fast food but only from the less popular places

Carl’s Jr., Wendy’s, BK, Arby’s, etc. 

A&W, too, because he’s old and weird

He can totally cook, he just never does 

It’s just normal stuff like spaghetti and meatballs or chicken and rice, though

Tuna fish casserole

He over-seasons everything, though

Mostly because he’s trying to prove that he’s a good cook 

Eats dessert twice, every night 

Once right after dinner, and then later when he’s feeling like a treat 

Will eat in bed

Uses a little bib and tray and everything 

Likes pumpkin and sunflower seeds

Would eat hot wings with gloves on 

He’s the one who taught Arthur to put ketchup on eggs 

Kieran 

The second I realized that Kieran would probably be white trash, my life changed 

Hamburger Helper meals for LIFE

That one cheeseburger pasta? Kieran probably eats that three times a week 

He 100% makes the ketchup-butter sketti from Honey Boo Boo 

“It’s been a while since I done had roadkill in my belly”

His favorite dessert is ambrosia salad or that weird yogurt/Cool Whip covered jello that was popular in the 2000s

Probably has a TV dinner every once in a while, too

Instant mashed potatoes and minute rice type of guy 

Also gives me big microwave cheddar broccoli vibes 

I’ve said this before, but his house is probably stocked with all kinds of on-brand goodies 

Probably always has some kind of chip and cookie around 

Eats dinner in front of the TV

Dips french fries in mayonnaise

All of this said though, he isn’t a picky eater and will eat whatever is put on his plate 

That’s why he’s great to take to restaurants, because he never complains

Honestly it’s just so sweet to think of him making big crockpot meals to share with ppl even if his cooking is a lil.... strange 

Javier

Thinks that the hot dog combo from Costco is a suitable dinner 

Also gets hot food from the grocery store for dinner a lot

Literally will just heat up a can of something and eat it plain 

Beans, chili, soup… 

Doesn’t doctor it up or change it at all 

He’s happy to share but no one wants any

Chips and dip, 24/7

And it’s just Tostitos Hint of Lime chips and hummus

Probably puts hummus on everything, too 

Corn chips, tortilla chips, tortillas, vegetables, sandwiches, etc. 

Will put anything in a tortilla and call it a sandwich 

Eats leftovers cold 

The rest of the gang thinks this is a sin

Makes stir fry with whatever is laying around the house

It’s a little gross because he will try to add leftover beans

Refuses to eat fast food

The only exception he’ll make is for french fries and ice cream

Walks around and eats at the same time

Isn’t above asking the other boys to share with him 

Despite the fact that this only happens if what they’re eating is good

Which is almost never

Sean

Sean can’t cook. That’s the end of it

The most he can make is that weird microwave Mac and cheese where the pasta is boiled in the mug?? 

He never does it tho and just sticks with the normal, frozen Mac and Cheese you can microwave instead

Uses his microwaving ability to make mug cakes

And microwave scrambled eggs

Burns his popcorn every single time

He’s probably set of the smoke detector or fire alarm multiple times

He’s Irish though so of course he’s addicted to potatoes and cabbage

And since he’s from the UK, he likes stuff like beans on toast and marmite

He’s a little nasty too so catch him eating bologna sandwiches on wonder bread

Not even the Marstons are that bad

When he does get takeout, he overspends trying to use a delivery app 

He’s like, “And do I need the extra side of special sauce for $5…? Yes.” 

Cooks like this 

[talesfromthesnogbox]

A Love Story in 10 Parts

Summary: After Eddie and Richie fell in love, how did they not see their daughter falling for her best friend? 

“They’re taking bets on when Sam and Maggie are gonna get together.” Bill piped up, a shit-eating grin on his face.

Stan spluttered. “Excuse me?” 

“I have to say man, your kid is a real Cassanova.” Mike raised his eyebrows watching the two sway.

Word Count: 7,974

Notes: This is a continuation of "Richie Tozier and the Birth of His Child". You don't have to read it to know what's happening, but there's a few nods back to it! The fic is the brainchild of my headcanon "what if Reddie's kid fell in love with Stanpat's kid?" Anyways, I've plopped in two references to two of my favourite mid-2000's movies, 10 points if you can find them! Enjoy!

Tagging: @richietoaster

AO3

A Love Story in 10 Parts

I

The house was clean, the fridge was stocked, and six month old Maggie was nearing the end of her nap. Perfect timing as her aunts and uncles of the Losers club were finally coming down for a late baby shower.

“Hey Eds, you have the dip—”

“For the veggie platter? Still in the fridge.”

“And the wine—”

“Shiraz is on the counter, Moscato is in the fridge chilling. There’s some beer and cider chilling as well.”

Richie nodded, taking stock of the kitchen, pristine for the first time since Maggie’s arrival.

“Good, good. Why do I feel like I’m forgetting something?”

Eddie chuckled. “Well the guest of honour is getting her beauty rest.”

Richie grinned. “Right, can’t forget her. No, I’m forgetting something that’s right under my nose… or rather it will be in a second.” He leaned down to kiss his fiancée. “Can’t forget to tell you how much I love you before the others get here.”

Eddie frowned. “You’re gross.” He muttered just before the doorbell rang.

“But you love it!” Richie called out in a sing-song voice, rushing to let his friends in.

Unsurprisingly, it was Stan and his little family to arrive first.

“Stan the man! Welcome dude, come on in guys.” He caught little Sam’s eye, but the boy quickly shied away.

“Hey Sammy, do you remember who that is? It’s Richie!” Patty asked, brushing the boy’s hair back.

“Chee.” The boy whispered, sending Richie into a fit of giggles.

“Oh my god he’s huge! How’s it going little buddy?” Richie waggled his finger in front of the 18 month old’s face.

“You know, ever the explorer. Just like his mum.” Stan said waltzing into Richie and Eddie’s house. “Where’s the little princess?”

Eddie chuckled as Stan mocked Richie. Ever since Maggie was born, Richie had become so attached to her. He’d taken to calling her his “little princess” in their group chat. None of the other Losers quite understood it, not even Eddie really, but it was entirely endearing to watch how enamored he was with his daughter.

“Just you wait till you have a girl Staniel, then you’ll get it.”

“I somehow doubt I will.”

Richie ran off to collect Maggie, and when he came down, he had a full house.

“Wow, you all showed up on time!”

The Losers chattered and giggled, all catching up with the others, passing Maggie around.

The infant was already in love with Beverly, of course, being her biological mother, but she was also quite taken with Mike. Eddie had to admit, the man had a gift with children.

While Mike held Maggie, Bill couldn’t help but notice that Sam had become rather interested in the little girl.

“Mama,” he whispered, “baby.”

“That’s right sweetheart. Would you like to see the baby?” Sam nodded and turned on his mother’s lap to face Mike.

Mike turned Maggie, and the moment her eye caught Sam’s, a wide smile took over her face.

Bill chuckled at the two youngest Losers as he looked between them. “How did she somehow make Trashmouth’s smile adorable? I just don’t get how she’s Richie’s kid and so cute.”

“Looks like someone else thinks she’s cute too.” Mike said glancing pointedly at Sam.

“Aww, Sammy’s got a crush!”

Richie scoffed. “Please, I will not tolerate any heteronormativity in this house. He’s not even two.”

Stan rolled his eyes, while Patty let out a snort.

 II

 Two and a half years went by, and the Toziers were finally tying the knot.

The day had come, and everything was perfect. Both Eddie and Richie had custom suits made by the one and only Beverly Marsh-Hanscom, and little Maggie even got her own Marsh Original. She couldn’t stop twirling in her little white flower girl’s dress, looking back in the mirror every time she caught a glimpse of the oversized bow fastened to her back.

“Why do you have flowers?” Sam, now four years old, asked her, poking her arm.

“Because I’m the flower girl. I have to put out the flowers so Papa can find Daddy at the end of the aisle.”

“Well why do I have to carry rings? What if I want to carry flowers?”

“Because you’re the ring bear. You have an important job.”

“Why is it a ring bear?” Sam asked, playing with the flower crown on Maggie’s head.

“I don’t know, I don’t make the rules.”

The girl turned around when she heard a gasp coming from behind her. “Wow sweetheart.”

“Papa!” Maggie squealed, running into Eddie’s arms.

“You look like a princess.” He kissed her forehead. “Have you gone to see Daddy yet?” She shook her head no. “Well you should go see him before it’s time to start.” Eddie put her down and watched her run off in her little tulle skirt towards the other little room across the hall where Richie was.

“Daddy!” She ran right into Richie, hugging his leg.

“Hey my little princess, let me take a good look at you.” Maggie flashed a signature Tozier smile up at her dad, and it brought tears to his eyes. “Wow, look at how beautiful my little baby is.” He picked her up and the tears started falling.

“Oh my god Trashmouth, don’t tell me you’re crying again.” Bev walked up to Richie, pressing a kiss to Maggie’s cheek and handing him a handkerchief.

“Daddy, don’t cry, why are you sad?”

He sniffed. “I’m not sad baby, I’m happy, these are happy tears.”

“Dry your eyes bridezilla, the ceremony is gonna start in a few minutes.”

Richie gave Maggie one last kiss on the cheek and she ran to meet Sam again in the hallway.

The music started, and the crowed “aww’d” as the two walked down the aisle. Maggie, being an absolute ham, smiled with her rosy cheeks dropping rose petals in her path until her and Sam reached the end of the aisle.

There wasn’t a dry eye at the ceremony as Eddie walked down the aisle towards Richie. Richie’s parents held onto Maggie’s hand tight, but as Eddie began to approach the altar, she let out a wail.

“Maggie?” Both Eddie and Richie looked her way to see the girl sniffling, her shoulders moving, but no tears falling.

“Maggie are you okay baby?” Richie bent down to caress her face.

“Yeah Daddy, I’m happy crying!” the congregation laughed, and Richie kissed her cheek before rejoining his groom at the altar.

The ceremony was short and sweet, and Eddie came by to pick up Maggie in his arms before walking back down the aisle with his new husband. The little girl smiled as she saw her basket of rose petals left behind for Sam on her chair.

Photos followed the ceremony, and just as Richie had suspected, Maggie was totally in her element. She was a Tozier through and through, dramatic, witty, and absolutely adored being the center of attention. She listened to everything the photographer said, even didn’t complain when Sam left a wet kiss on her rosy cheek in one of the snaps.

Sam’s favourite part of the day came a little later… the dancing. This was both Maggie and Sam’s first wedding, and neither child had experienced the joy of an open dance floor.

Sam pulled her into a slow sway as Richie and Eddie took to the floor for their first dance, and as much as the Losers wanted to watch Richie and Eddie finally get their happy ever after (and their shit together, it took them entirely too long to come to their senses about how they felt towards each other), they couldn’t take their eyes off the two kids on the dance floor.

“Something tells me this is foreshadowing for the future.” Mike whispered to Bill, Ben and Bev.

“You think?” Bill took a sip of his beer.

The four of them watched intently as Maggie rested her cheek on Sam’s shoulder.

“Oh yeah, definitely.” Ben laughed.

“But if she’s anything like her dads, and her godfather, she’ll be sixty before she says anything to him.” Bev poked Ben’s side.

Ben glowered at his wife. “They won’t end up like those two idiots. Stan had a ring on Patty’s finger before they even finished college.”

“What did I do now?” Stan and a mildly pregnant Patty took their seats at the table.

“They’re taking bets on when Sam and Maggie are gonna get together.” Bill piped up, a shit-eating grin on his face.

Stan spluttered. “Excuse me?”

“I have to say man, your kid is a real Cassanova.” Mike raised his eyebrows watching the two sway.

“Alright, I’m gonna need another drink.”

 III

 Stan, Patty, Sam and their youngest Abigail had all moved down to Santa Monica shortly after the Tozier wedding. Maggie loved showing her best friend Sam (and new friend Abby) all the fun things they could do at the beach.

Now that Maggie and Sam were older, about to start 9th and 10th grade, all the adults agreed the beach was great for their independence, especially since Richie and Eddie had just bought a big house that backed onto it. The teens could have their privacy, and Eddie could make sure they were safe without hovering too much.

Usually Maggie was the first to get the door when she knew Sam was coming over, but today, it was Eddie that answered.

“Hey Sammy, I think Mags is sitting out on the deck.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks Eddie.” The boy wandered through the house and out the backdoor to find his friend with her head in her hands.

“Maggie?”

“Don’t look at me, I’m hideous!”

Sam frowned. Maggie wasn’t hideous; sure he teased her about the size of her teeth, and her unruly brown hair, but she was fourteen and in her awkward stage… and far from hideous in his humble opinion. He and his family had gone to visit his grandparents in Maine for the month of July, and he was anxious to see her and catch up. He’d really missed his friend, awkward stage and all. “What the hell are you talking about?”

She turned to him with tears in her eyes, tears that had been obscured by a pair of tortoise-shell glasses.

“Hey, you got glasses!” He rubbed her shoulder. “They look good.”

“No, they don’t! I look like such a freak.”

“Oh come on, wearing glasses doesn’t make you a freak, your dad wears glasses.”

She looked up to him, shooting daggers through her eyes.

“Okay, you have a point, your dad is kind of a freak. But hey, who called you a freak?”

“N-nobody.”

Sam’s heart broke at how quiet the stuttered word was. “Seriously Mags, who called you a freak?”

She was silent for a moment. “Liam Donahue.”

Liam. I’m gonna kick his ass. Sam thought, seeing red. He lived down the street from Sam and Maggie, and in summers past, he’d hung out with the two of them. He’d all but disappear once the school year started up again, but neither of them really cared, they just liked having people their age to hang around with on their break. “W-what happened?”

“Well I asked him this morning if he wanted to grab lunch with me after my appointment, and he said yes. But when I met up with him at the diner, he… he…”

Sam pushed her hair away from her face. “What’d he say Mags?”

“He laughed in my face. Told me I looked like a four-eyed freak. I guess one of the girls from the soccer team told him I had a crush on him a-and he got spooked.” She sniffed, rubbing her eyes under her glasses.

“What an asshole.” Sam shook his head. Why couldn’t Liam see what a great girl Maggie was? She was smart, unapologetically herself, witty, absolutely adorable… he would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t have a slight crush on his best friend. “You’re not a freak Maggie, you’re my best friend. Don’t listen to Liam and those other dickheads, you’re way too good for him.”

“Really?”

“I promise. Now come on, I think I saw your dad brought stuff home for s’mores.”

 IV

 The conversation Richie had overheard about that jackass Liam Donahue was now years behind them, and the Tozier couple was now leaving their daughter behind at Berkeley. The first hour of their five-hour drive back to Santa Monica was quiet, but as soon as hour two hit, Richie became a blubbering mess.

“I just can’t believe we just moved her into college. College Eddie!”

“Yes, Richie, that tends to happen after kids turn 18.” Eddie was sad to see their daughter go too, but he trusted her, and he knew that despite all the worrying he did before she was born, they’d raised her well.

“B-but what if… what if something happens? What if someone tries to hurt her, or what if she gets homesick and wants your homemade pizza?”

“Rich you’re starting to sound like my mother.” Richie’s blubbering halted. “Maggie is a smart girl. We’re only a phone call away from her, she isn’t that far, and besides, she’s got Sam with her.”

Sam had taken a year off between high school and college to work and save up money for school. When he’d found out both he and Maggie had gotten early acceptance to UC Berkeley, everyone was over the moon that the two best friends would be together.

“Sam’s been good to her Rich, he won’t let anything happen to our Mags.”

Richie nodded. “I hate it when you’re right.”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure your little princess will call you all the time.”

As always, Eddie was right.

Maggie made sure to check in every night, whether it was through their family group chat, weekly FaceTimes, or simple texts, but one Friday evening, Richie didn’t hear from her.

“Eds, did Maggie text you last night?” Richie asked, snuggling his husband closer in their bed on that lazy Saturday morning.

“No, why?”

“Nothing, I just haven’t heard from her.” Richie frowned and pulled out his phone, texting her privately. Hey my little princess, I miss you. Everything OK?

It wasn’t until noon that he heard back from his daughter.

“Hey princess, are you alright?” He answered the incoming FaceTime call. She looked like hell.

“Yeah… no… not really… I’m pretty sure I have a wicked hangover.”

Richie laughed out loud, taking in her ruffled appearance and the dark circles under her eyes. “Yeah, college will do that to you.” A weight lifted off his shoulders as she giggled along with him. “Big party last night?”

“Yeah dad, it was wild. Now that midterms are over, I think we all needed to let loose.”

He nodded in agreement. “You’re partying responsibly though, right?”

Maggie rolled her eyes. “Yes dad, I knew my limit and stopped within it.”

“That’s my girl.”

“Hey dad… is pops around by any chance?” Her eyes shifted downward suspiciously.

“No, we’re having the Losers over tonight so he popped out to grab some snacks. I can get him to call you ba—”

“No! No, it’s fine. I just… something happened last night and I’d rather him not really know right now. You… you know how he is.”

Richie’s heart sunk, but he kept a straight face to not alarm her. “Yeah, yeah I know. What is it sweetie?”

“Well… I um… I kind of… kissed Sam… last night.”

He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. “Oh… is that right? A-and how do you feel about that?”

“I dunno, I mean, he’s my first kiss, he’s my best friend. What if… will things get weird?”

Richie shook his head. “You can’t think of it that way. Things will only get weird if you let it get weird. Have I ever told you about my first kiss?” She shook her head. “Well, surprisingly enough, it was with pops.”

She scoffed. “What? I thought you guys didn’t get together until you were like… 25 or something.”

“We didn’t, but it was a spin-the-bottle situation. Bill threw a party, and he was really trying to impress this girl, so he started spin-the-bottle, and of course, I landed on short and angry. We kissed, my heart soared, but we all thought he was straight, so I played it off as a joke rather than telling him how I felt.”

“So I should play it off as a joke?”

“No! I mean, if you don’t have feelings for him, then don’t say anything about it, but if you do… you should tell him sweetie.”

Maggie sighed. “But… but dad… what if he doesn’t like me back?”

Richie’s heart swelled. As much as his little girl growing up so fast saddened him, it was sweet that they could share the experience of being in love with their childhood friend. “That’s the risk you take when you put yourself out there. It’s your choice, you don’t have to say anything now, or tomorrow, or even a month from now, but if you really like him, I think you should tell him. Trust me, I think his answer will surprise you.” Richie knew for a fact that his answer would surprise her. He saw the way they looked at each other, Richie may have been blind to his own love life at his daughter’s age, but now that he was past that, he could clearly see how much Sam cared for her.

“Thanks dad.”

Richie kept his lips sealed tight when Eddie returned, he even didn’t say anything when their friends arrived, but Richie couldn’t be trusted with a secret around alcohol.

“How are the kids doing at school?” Mike asked after spilling the beans on the woman he’d met while travelling in Vancouver.

“Sam’s great, he loves his program!” Patty gushed.

Richie chuckled. “Yeah, Mags is great too. Even better after last night though, right Staniel?”

Stan looked at him confusedly. “What?”

“Mags and Sam? Sharing a little smoochy smoochy time?”

“Wait, what?” Both Eddie and Stan shouted. Patty and the rest of the Losers couldn’t contain their laughter.

“You t-totally called that at their wedding!” Bill high-fived Mike as their laughter died down.

“Oh fuck, I was not supposed to tell you that.”

 V

 Richie was lucky that the Losers loved him enough to keep Maggie’s secret. Nobody had spoken a word about it, at least not until the Christmas break the next year.

Their 19 year old had only been home for all of two days, but Richie was already dreading bringing her back to Berkeley.

“You’re so dramatic, she doesn’t go back until January, Rich. Get some sleep, it’s three in the morning.”

Richie yawned and started to doze off when a thump coming from Maggie’s bedroom made them jolt up.

“Mags?” Richie was out of bed in an instant, with Eddie hot on his feet. They burst into their daughter’s room, only to find out she wasn’t alone.

“Sam?”

He spluttered. “Uhhhh, hi Mr. Tozier… Mr. Tozier.”

Maggie groaned as the lights came up and the two tried to hide how disheveled they (and the bedsheets) were.

“Care to explain why you’re in Maggie’s room, without a shirt, at three in the morning?” Eddie crossed his arms, trying to look intimidating in a pair of boxer briefs and one of Richie’s old tour shirts.

“Well, um… you see…”

“Dad, pops! Stop it! I invited him over.”

“Okay, but that still doesn’t explain why you’re shirtless, Sam. Unless this has something to do with what happened last year?” Eddie’s eyebrows raised.

“Last year… Oh my god, dad did you say something?”

Richie winced. “Sorry sweetie.”

“Ugh!” Maggie let out a huff of frustration. “Dad! How could you?”

“I know, I’m sorry I fucked up, but you shouldn’t be… sneaking around Mags. I thought we could talk about this kind of stuff.”

“I’m sorry Dad.”

Eddie shook his head. “Put a shirt on Sam, I’m calling your dad.”

Sam followed Eddie out of the room, his head hung low. Richie stayed back for a second and threw a quick thumbs up at Maggie. “I’m proud of you for saying something to him sweetie, but next time, please don’t sneak around, just… ask if he can stay the night.”

“Really, you’d let my boyfriend stay the night?”

“Well… no, I wouldn’t, but hold on, boyfriend?”

She blushed. “Yeah, we um, we got together when the semester started.”

Richie’s heart swelled. As disappointed as he was that she kept something like this from them, he couldn’t help but root for her. “You can tell me about it later, I’m sure we’ll be spending all the time in the world together while you’re grounded.” He kissed her on the head and joined his husband downstairs.

Stan was just as grumpy as Richie thought he’d be when he and Patty arrived.

He looked at his son, a tired expression on his face. “You, car, now.” Sam skittered off past his parents towards the car.

“I’m so sorry guys, he must’ve snuck out after we went to bed.” Patty shook her head apologetically.

“It’s fine guys. Sam’s a good kid, I think it was more Maggie’s persuasion that got him over here if I’m being honest.” Eddie laughed. “Man that whole intimidation thing was fun though.”

The four adults spluttered trying to contain their laughter at the situation.

“So… they’re dating?” Stan questioned.

“Yep, since September it sounds like.” Richie confirmed.

“Fuck, that makes us in-laws, doesn’t it?” Stan rubbed his eyes.

“Fuck! That means Bill and Mike were actually right!” Patty shook her head.

 VI

 After that fateful December night, Sam became an even more permanent fixture in the Tozier household.

Maggie had never dated at all before Sam; everything was new territory to her, and to her parents. She now had this dreamy eyed look on her face on nights where she facetimed them after he’d left, and her Instagram was filled with pictures of the two of them, smiling and in love.

“They look rather cozy in that one, don’t you think?” Eddie pointed out, looking at her Instagram story over his shoulder.

“Yeah… they do. Do you think they’re being safe?”

“What? The hell do you mean—” Eddie’s brow furrowed.

“Well I never taught her about protection, I thought you had that covered!”

“I—” Maggie’s face popped up on his screen as her facetime request came in. “Fuck. Hi sweetie!”

“Hey pops, hi dad. Sam just left, I thought I’d see what you two were up to.”

“You’re being safe, right?”

Eddie’s eyes widened and he playfully slapped his husband’s chest. “Richard! You… you can’t just—”

“Dad!”

“What! It’s a valid concern, Stan would kill me if he became a grandfather at the ripe old age of 35.”

She rolled her eyes. “Okay, 35 sure.”

“Well honey, you have a boyfriend now, you know you can call us if you have any questions… or if you need anything… some snacks, a condom…” Richie baited.

“Yes, because you two know so much about hetero sex.”

“Hey, I was a closeted comedian until I was 25, I know plenty about heterosexual relations.”

“You do?” Eddie eyed him carefully.

“Okay… so I’m not a great liar, but I’m a great listener and I have Bev on speed dial.”

Maggie giggled. “Thanks dad, but I think I’ll leave the girl talk to mom, if that’s okay?”

“Of course, sweetie. Your dad and I are always here if you want to talk, but we understand if you’d rather talk to Bev about this stuff.”

“Thanks pops.”

Richie and Eddie took everything Maggie threw at them growing up in stride, but were so incredibly thankful for her and Bev’s strong bond, especially once she became a teenager. They did all the hard lifting, explaining everything, and doing all the research to teach their girl, but Eddie will always remember the panicked phone call on that rainy Sunday morning standing in the drug store staring at a wall of tampons, and could never thank Bev enough for her help.

 VII

 But of course, Bev couldn’t always be around to help.

Richie and Eddie were having a quiet Saturday morning brunch when they heard their front door slam. Their 24-year-old Maggie rushed up to her room, bag in tow, which was unusual, considering she and Sam had an apartment not far from them.

Shortly before graduation, the two of them had moved in together. Eddie loved Sam, he really did, but ever since that point, he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. He’d seen it for himself with many college friends of his… college relationships don’t always last. So when he heard that door slam shut… he had an idea of what was happening.

Eddie shot Richie a look, I’ll get her, and followed her up the stairs.

“Hey, hey baby, what’s wrong?”

“Hi pops… sorry for barging in, I just needed to get out of the apartment.”

“Don’t apologize, you know you’re always welcome here sweetie. Now tell me what happened.” He sat down beside her and rubbed her back as she leaned into him. Hot tears hit the collar of his t-shirt, and his eyes met Richie’s, now standing in her doorway. Eddie motioned him over, and he joined the two on the bed, patting his daughter’s hair.

“It’s Sam… he’s been so distant lately, and secretive. He gets so anxious every time I try to bring it up, and he brushes me off. Today he just… he just snapped. Went into our bedroom and shut the door, he didn’t even say anything. I think he’s hiding something from me, I think he’s cheating on me.”

The two fathers let her cry it out, until she was done with the tears. Maggie fell asleep in her childhood bed, and they left her to sleep it off.

Eddie let out a huff once they’d reached the main floor. “Man, she’s really heartbroken.”

“This is crazy, you know? I never saw those two breaking up.”

“Rich, he’s her college boyfriend, sometimes relationships just… run their course.”

Richie rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I know that, but he was just here last week asking for my blessing to propose.”

Eddie looked at his husband incredulously. “WHAT?”

“What do you mean ‘what’?”

“You didn’t think to tell me about this, what?”

Richie scoffed. “Shut up, I so told you about this. Remember, we talked about it before bed on Monday… ohhh, your stupid talented mouth totally distracted me from telling you about that. Right.”

“Oh my god! I can’t believe you let me blow you when you were sitting on that information!”

“To be fair, you do tend to suck my soul through my dick, and it’s too good to pass up in the moment babe.”

“You’re disgusting!”

Just then, the doorbell rang. The two of them got up to see Sam on the other side.

“Hey Sam, I don’t really think it’s a good time—”

“Eddie, please, I need… I need to talk to her.” His hands shook as he pulled the little velvet box from his pocket. “I just… I was planning to do it this weekend, and I had this whole plan but then things started falling through one by one, and I wanted it to be perfect, I just got so stressed out—”

“Sam?”

The three men looked towards the top of the staircase to see Maggie standing there, tears in her eyes.

“Mags… please…” He fumbled with the box opening it and tuning out the three collective gasps heard by the Tozier family. “I love you, I love you so damn much, since we were kids.” He moved further into the foyer. “I’ve wanted this forever, from the first time we kissed, I knew you were it for me. Maggie Tozier, I love you, would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?”

Richie let out a choked sob, and Eddie knew he had to drag his husband away. He heard muffled voices talking lowly as he and Richie moved into the living room to give them some privacy, but it was only minutes later that a girlish giggle and a simple three letter word broke the room’s silence.

“Yes!”

Eddie met Richie’s eyes, tears now clearly welling up in both of them as they thought back on their own little love story. They had been older than Maggie and Sam by a few years, but god, they were just as stupid, and just as wrapped up and in love with each other.

“That’s our little girl, baby.” Richie pulled Eddie closer, and kissed the crown of his head.

“Yeah Rich, she’s all grown up.” Eddie wiped his eyes and moved away from Richie’s embrace. “I think I’ve got a bottle of champagne lying around from our anniversary, good time to crack it open.” He smiled as he rummaged about the kitchen.

 VIII

 Eddie was a totally hands-on wedding planner, but he wanted nothing to do with the dress. Dress shopping didn’t hold good memories for him, and he didn’t want to put a damper on Maggie’s day. Luckily Richie was practically bursting at the seams with joy at the thought of wedding dress shopping with Maggie.

The day of Maggie’s bridal appointment had come, and Richie had never felt more out of his element. The Beverly Hills shop was beautiful, soft grey walls, luxurious couches in front of huge mirrors and pedestals. Gowns lined the walls, and Richie suddenly felt panicked.

“Hey sweetie, you okay?” Bev grabbed his hand, and he nodded, taking a deep breath.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.”

“I know it’s hard seeing her grow up.” Bev smiled at him, and joined Patty and Abigail admiring a dress with a beautiful satin skirt.

Maggie was whisked away into the dressing room while her “entourage” took their seats, and minutes later she emerged. The dress wasn’t anything grand, it was a simple gown with a poofy skirt and a sparkly belt. The girls let out soft coos, showering the bride with compliments, but Richie was silent.

“Dad? What do you think?” Maggie turned around and met her father’s eyes, only to realize they had misted over. “Dad! You said you weren’t gonna cry today!”

Bev burst out laughing, pulling her best friend close and kissing his cheek. “Oh, be nice to your dear old dad, he just has a lot of feelings.”

“Sorry sweetie, you just look so beautiful.”

Patty pushed his hair back from his face. “Aw Rich, I can’t believe you made me lose fifty bucks to my husband.”

Bev gasped. “Patricia Uris!”

“Damn Patty, I thought you knew me better than that.”

“Well I thought you were gonna hold it together Trashmouth.”

The group agreed that while the dress was beautiful, it wasn’t the one for Maggie, so back to the dressing room she went.

Maggie tried on four more dresses, none of which were winners. It had been a long day, and the group was nearly ready to leave, but one dress in particular caught Richie’s eye.

It was simple, but beautiful. “Hey Bevvy, what do you think of this?” His large hands looked clunky against the delicate lace appliques, the dress was soft and flowy, and he thought it ticked all the boxes on his daughter’s wish list.

“Oh Rich, it’s amazing. I know the designer, why didn’t I think of putting her in something like this?”

Richie raised his brows. “Hey Mags, before we leave, could you just humour me and try this one on?”

The four of them took their seats on the couch when Maggie emerged in Richie’s dress looking like an absolute dream.

“Oh my god baby, you look incredible.” Bev was up right away, fussing with Maggie, fixing the dress, pinning her hair into a messy, fashionable bun and adding a veil.

“Dad?” She turned around, tears welling up as she met his eyes (which of course, were also watering).

“Mags.” His voice broke. Richie stood—the pedestal she stood on and her heels making her just above eye level with him—and took her hands. He stared at the girl, no, woman that stood before him, and didn’t even care when he heard the clicks of Bev’s and Patty’s phone cameras going off. “Maggie sweetie… wow.”

“I think this is my dress dad.”

 IX

 The next nine months flew by faster than anyone was prepared for, and soon enough, the day came where Margaret Tozier would be wed to Samuel Uris.

“We should get out of bed. She needs to get to the venue to start getting ready.” Richie lie wide awake on that beautiful Saturday morning beside his husband, who promptly smacked him on the chest.

“Shut the fuck up and go back to sleep, it’s six o’clock in the morning.” Eddie groaned and rolled away from him.

“But like… there’s so much shit to do, Eds. The flowers are going to be arriving soon, and the centerpieces, we can’t forget to put the seating chart up at the reception and help set up the favours table, and the photographer—”

“Doesn’t show up until noon. The ceremony starts at four, Rich. Florist won’t show up until one at the venue, and Mike and Bill already said they’d go help set up the ceremony space while Ben shows them the reception hall. Photographer shows up here at noon and another to Stan’s house around the same time. Mags and Bev will head to the venue for twelve-thirty with your mom, Patty and her mom, and the bridesmaids will get ready there. We show up at two-thirty for photos with our tuxes and a shitload of tissue. We’ve been over this babe, we got it down.”

Richie huffed out a breath, but nodded, turning on his side to spoon Eddie. “What would I do without you?”

“Drive yourself mad.”

He laughed. “You know my mom is giving Mags the diamond earrings she wore on her wedding day as her something old?”

“That’s beautiful, Rich. Bev told me she’s going to give her the brooch she had in her hair at her wedding for her something borrowed. Mags wanted to put it on her bouquet.”

Richie kissed the back of Eddie’s head. “I love that, she should have something of her mother’s with her. The dress is new, and her shoes are blue, so that covers the rest of it.”

“Perfect.” Eddie yawned. “Can you believe our baby is getting married today?”

“Not one bit. Remember when I accidentally spilled that Bev went into labour on a radio show?”

“Yes, you idiot. Oh god, you’re totally going to bring that up in your speech, aren’t you?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Richie snickered. “Of course I’m bringing it up, Stan was the first one to visit.”

“I forgot about that, he was, wasn’t he? Who would have thought we’d be here right now?”

“Crazy, isn’t it Eds?”

The two drifted off to sleep for a few more hours before Eddie’s alarm went off. They snuck down the stairs as quietly as they could to not wake Maggie, and prepared her a pancake breakfast spread. She’d spent the night at their house, not wanting to see Sam until she was meeting him at the altar.

“Morning baby girl, it’s your wedding day.” Eddie crept into her room, Richie following with the tray.

Their daughter greeted them with a watery smile. “I love you two so much.”

Richie set the tray down on her side table and jumped into bed with her, cuddling his girl to his chest as tears streamed down his face. “We love you too sweetie, I can’t believe how grown up you are.”

Eddie scootched into bed on her other side, stroking her hair lovingly. Once the tears had dried, and breakfast was eaten, Maggie got down to business.

“Mom just texted me, she’ll be here in an hour to pick me up. I’m bringing the veil, jewelry and Sam’s ring, but can you guys bring the dress and shoes? They’re both in the hall closet downstairs, all together in the garment bag.”

“Absolutely honey.”

“Perfect, I’m going to run a bath. Shoo, go relax or something!” Maggie gave them both kisses on their cheeks and pushed them out of her room.

Just as scheduled, Bev and the photographer arrived and snapped a few pictures of the strange little family in their home before the girls were whisked away to the venue. After the few minutes of chaos, a peaceful silence washed over the two.

“I definitely expected this morning to be crazier.” Richie huffed, playing with Eddie’s hair.

“Yeah, yeah I feel quite… relaxed.” Eddie stood, pulling his husband up with him. “Come on, we’re jumping in the shower before we put our tuxes on.”

“Together?” Richie gasped. “But Edward… I’ll see your… thingy.”

“Oh no, not the thingy.” Eddie deadpanned and dragged him up the stairs. “Get your mind out of the gutter Tozier, we’ve got important shit to do today.”

One (almost) uneventful shower later, the two of them were buttoning up their shirts and lacing their shoes. “God damnit Rich, Bev will kill us if we’re late.”

“Relax babe, we’ll be at the venue in plenty of time, it’s only two.”

He glared at Richie. “Yes, but I want to be able to actually walk my daughter down the aisle, asshole, my legs are still shaky.”

Richie snickered. “Hey man, you started it. Can’t get enough of this magical dick.”

“Fuck you. Let’s go, don’t forget your jacket.”

They locked the door and buckled their seatbelts, but as Richie pulled out of the driveway, Eddie shouted. “Wait! She asked us to grab the dress.”

“Fuck, right! Hold on, let me run up to her room to grab it.” Richie sprinted inside quickly, but when he got to Maggie’s room, there was no dress in sight. “Eds! She definitely took it with her. It’s not here.” He told his husband, wracking his brain to figure out where she put it.

“No she didn’t Richie! I saw them leave, she had her veil and jewelry box, no garment bag. She specifically asked us to bring the dress and shoes.”

Richie looked around her room perplexed. “But… but she has to have it… it’s not here.”

“Fuck.” Eddie looked around panicking. “Fuck! She’s gonna kill us!”

“Hey, Eddie, hey, calm down, we’ll find it.”

“No Richard, we won’t find it and our daughter’s entire day is going to be ruined, and it’s going to be all my fault! Maybe we should have got out of bed at six like you said we should, Richie I’m such an idiot, I have to call her, we have to tell Bev, she’ll know what to do, she’ll know someone who can whip up a dress in an hour—”

“Eds! Babe take a breath, please, you’re freaking me out here. Maggie told us where it was, try and think back.”

“She said a closet, but you said it’s not in her closet! Get back in there and check again.”

“Woah man, I’ve been out of it for too long, you can’t make me get back into the closet.” Richie joked.

“Shut the fuck up asshole, save the jokes for the toasts. I’m going to look again, you go look downstairs.”

The taller man nodded in agreement and kissed his husband’s forehead. His eyes scanned the open concept main floor of their home, looking for the glaringly obvious giant white garment bag and blue box, but couldn’t see anything in plain sight. He checked the spare bedroom, his office, dining room, cupboard, but nothing came up. Finally, he had one place left to look: the hall closet.

Richie felt his breath leave his chest and his heart stutter as he opened the closet to find exactly what he was looking for. “Eddie, search party is off, it’s down here!”

“Thank fuck!” Eddie came careening down the stairs and grabbed the shoebox as he dashed out the door.

When the two arrived, Bev was waiting outside, arms crossed angrily. “Oh my god finally! She was freaking out in there, thinking something had happened to you idiots.”

“No, we uh, couldn’t find the dress.” Richie said sheepishly. “But hey, we got it!”

“Thank god, she was getting anxious. Now come on, the photographer wants a few shots of you helping her get ready.”

Stepping into the room was like stepping into organized chaos. Maggie’s friends paraded around the room in floral silky robes helping each other with their hair and makeup, and finally towards the back of the room, Maggie was in the makeup chair, the artist putting the final touch of lipstick on.

Eddie could tell that Richie was already getting choked up. “You look beautiful Mags.” He held his hand out to the taller man and squeezed it, bringing him closer.

“Wow.”

“Dad!” Maggie blushed. “I haven’t even put my dress on yet, stop it.”

“We’ve got that here for you by the way.” He offered the large garment bag over to her.

“Perfect timing. Can you get mom to come help me into it? I think the photographer wants to shoot you two helping me with the buttons.”

“Of course, we’ll give you some space.”

The next hour was filled with a flurry of activity. The photographer perfectly captured Richie’s face glowing with pride as he laid eyes on his daughter in her dress for the first time since he helped her pick it out. The small family shared a moment together when they could hear everyone shuffling into the ceremony space, right before they would walk her down the aisle.

“We’re so proud of you sweetheart, you’ve grown into such an incredible woman, and I know you and Sam are going to be so happy.” Eddie laced his arm through Maggie’s and kissed her temple as they walked towards the aisle.

“Pops, stop it, you’re going to make me cry!”

Richie sniffed on her other side. “I’ve got extra tissue if you want.”

Finally, the three made it out into the open air of the ceremony space overlooking the water. Gasps could be heard from the congregation as they all took in how incredible she looked, but Maggie only had eyes for the man at the end of the aisle.

Richie caught Stan’s eye as they approached the arch, and even he had a tear in his eye watching his best friends walk their daughter, his now daughter-in-law, down the aisle to his son.

The ceremony was beautiful. Much like at his own wedding, sniffles cut through the silence between the vows, this time, it was Richie instead of Maggie.

The reception was just as incredibly beautiful as the ceremony was. All the losers took their seats at their table together and watched the newlyweds share their first dance.

“Dude,” Mike piped up to Bill, “you owe me $20.”

“What?”

Mike rested his hand on the table, palm open. “$20, I told you this would happen.”

“When did we make this deal?” The rest of the losers snickered around them.

“At their wedding.” Mike nodded to Richie and Eddie. “Those two were dancing, but those two were the cutest couple I’d ever seen.

“I really can’t believe you put a bet on our kids man.” Eddie shook his head and took a swig of his wine.

“Oh I can, we put a bet on your husband and I lost.” Patty giggled, leaning into Stan.

“When did you put a bet on my husband?”

“Dress shopping, I bet he would break down the second he saw her in a wedding dress, Patty thought he’d keep it together.” Stan kissed his wife’s cheek. “What were you thinking?”

“Yeah honestly Pats, he made some easy money there.”

“Who said it was money we bet?” She threw the table a wink and stared at her husband bashfully.

“Woah Staniel the maniel!”

“Alright, alright, chill out, we’re at my kid’s wedding, remember?” Stan knocked back the rest of his drink and stood up. “Let’s go, we’re all doing shots.”

 X

 The next two years saw Maggie and Sam travelling the world. Sam had really made a name for himself as a veterinarian at the San Diego Zoo, and Maggie as a documentary filmmaker, and luckily, their jobs happen to clash when National Geographic offered them a contract travelling the world documenting wildlife foundations and rescue practices.

The holidays were hard without the two of them there; this holiday would be especially hard as Mike and Bill and Ben and Bev would all be gone as well. Eddie was preparing a small thanksgiving dinner for himself and Richie plus Stan and Patty; it would be quiet, but it would still be nice. Besides, Maggie and Sam were due to skype in during dessert.

“Have you heard from them yet?” Patty asked, taking a sip of wine.

“Yeah, Sam said they were going to call in around seven—” Eddie was cut off by the sound of his phone ringing. “Hold on, that’s actually Mags right now. Hey honey, how’s it going?”

“It’s great! But kind of bad news, our service is really bad around here, we may have to push our skype.”

“No worries, wish you guys were here, we made too much food as usual. Whereabouts are you now?”

“Pops? Pops you there? You’re breaking up?”

“Maggie? I can hear you just fine, what’s going on?” Eddie’s heart thrummed in his chest.

“Hold on, let me move into a better reception area.”

The call hung up, and Eddie’s heart sunk. “Mags?”

Suddenly, keys jingled in the front door, and in stepped Maggie and Sam.

“Oh my god!” Richie led the way as the four of them ran to greet their kids in the doorway. “How did you guys get here? How long have you been planning this?”

The questions continued through dinner. Maggie and Sam told them all about the places they’d visited to their parents who listened with open ears.

“Sounds beautiful darling. Hey Stan, we brought that really nice bottle of merlot, why don’t you break it out? Maggie you’re gonna love it, I promise.”

“Oh.” She blushed. “T-that’s okay Patty, I’m a little jetlagged, I’m afraid wine might just put me to sleep.”

“Nonsense, I insist! You’ll sleep like a baby tonight.”

“No, um, mom it’s probably not a good idea if she drinks the wine.” Sam stepped in looking around at the four sets of skeptical eyes that sat on him.

A sudden wave of realization fell over the room. “Maggie?” Richie whispered, looking at his daughter, already feeling the tears stinging his eyes.

“We wanted to surprise you to let you all know that you’re going to be grandparents!”

Everyone jumped to their feet to crowd the couple, cheers of delight echoing throughout the dining room.

“How fa r along are you?” Patty asked.

“Ten weeks, we actually came back to see my doctor and figured it was a good time for a pit stop in to tell you all.” Maggie stood proudly and lifted her shirt. Sure enough, her abdomen was swollen ever so slightly. “You okay there dad?”

Richie blinked. “Y-yeah! I’m more than okay, I’m going to be a gr-grandpa. Holy shit.” He sniffled and immediately broke down. “My baby is having a baby.”

“Oh come on you big old sap.” Eddie rubbed his back, chuckling at his husband, but his voice was also thick with emotion.

“I think grandpa needs another glass of wine.” Stan said, reaching across the table to fill Richie’s glass. “Shit, that makes me grandpa too… three grandpas.”

“Luckiest kid in the world.” Maggie whispered adoringly.

[nightklok]

YOU KNOW I'M GONNA SAY CHARLES/PICKLES FOR THAT SHIP MEME :D

Shipping Meme [Open]

AAA AND I LOVE YOU FOR THAT- 

My ADHD is incredibly strong tonight so enjoy the rambling headcanons I have because I just love them too much ;^;-

General:

Rate the Ship -   Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - Forever obviously, they’re in it for the long road ahead!

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - I think it was a gradual thing for sure! Definitely met during the SnB era and Charles was the one who fell in love quickly though wasn’t much aware of it until later. Pickles had probably become a bit wearier of falling in love then so it took him a bit longer to admit he even had feelings for him. They probably didn’t even admit it until years later when they began to work for Dethklok-

How was their first kiss? -  they probably didn’t have a first kiss until nearly a decade or two of meeting each other, they were really fucking awkward haha-But I think their first kiss together would be sweet; they probably had a really well needed heart-to-heart talk and just eventually, it happened. 

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Charles 100%-it’s nothing elaborate or extraordinary, just quiet and probably between them while they’re alone or planned with the boys. 

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Technically the rating would be a 2 as their first ‘ceremony’ would be those quick courthouse weddings. I mainly like the idea of them getting engaged and possibly married sometime after Doomstar and before they have to confront Salacia. Kind of in a ‘now or never’ kind of situation but they both would’ve gotten married regardless of the prophecy or not. Though once the prophecy is fulfilled, the boys will insist they have a proper big red wedding

Who is the best man/men?  Pickles initially chose all of Dethklok to be his best men to avoid a battle to the death combat. Though, later on it became safer for him to officially choose one best man and that would be Nathan. For Charles, it was easier and he chose his best man to be Huey Lewis, no explanation further needed.

-Who did the most planning? Definitely not them-the boys, Dick, and Abigail would’ve insisted that they do the planning. Magnus and Murderface were the only ones to actually know about organizing a wedding surprisingly, actually asked for their input but kept it as vague as possible, and despite the ridiculously typical setbacks, managed to pull off a pretty elaborate wedding that they were both pretty pleased with. 

-Who stressed the most? Charles definitely-since everyone wanted to keep it a ‘surprise’ and he knows pretty well that a surprise from them is going to either be really extravagant, out of this world wedding or a Hot Topic Parking Lot wedding. Luckily, they got the first. 

-Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Rockso and Pickles’ family for sure. They didn’t even know they got married until it ended up on the Dethklok Minute and they were pissed but Pickles probably got his new family through Charles (if they’re alive and decent?) and by extension, Dethklok so to Pickles, his real family was at the wedding (no matter how many times they tried to argue that to him.) Seth probably sent him that blender as a wedding gift though

Sex:

Who is on top? - Top/bottom roles are non-existent to them; it’s really on whatever they’re up for at the moment. 

Who is the one to instigate things? - Pickles obviously; if he feels like Charles is working a bit too much or they haven’t done it in a while (three days), he’ll definitely instigate. Considering how well he knows him and what gets him riled up, Charles never says no-

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now 

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - It can depend on how horny they both are or if they just want to take their time-probably lasts between under half an hour to an hour. 

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - It’s probably hard of them to be completely sure if they’ve been going at it repeatedly but really it’s all up to when one has had enough and the other will stop for the night. Or if the other doesn’t feel satisfied enough, they’ll easily come up with something quick to do. Overall, it’s just making sure that the other is satisfied at the end of the night!

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.  (Pickles accounts for like 80% of this, hands down-)

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? -  none-Pickles is a Trans Male is a theory I take to the grave but I do headcanon he got bottom surgery. Even if he didn’t, they’re both too old (fuckin rip), and raising children is way too much responsibility/commitment for their lifestyle and there’s probably that lingering feeling that they might get called to fulfill their roles again so it would be borderline selfish to put kids into trauma/danger. (Charles spent years basically raising man-children he needs the retirement haha)

How many children will they adopt? - I don’t think they’ll adopt either, for reasons I stated above. I kinda like to think that when they retire or move away from Mordhaus to create their own home, they become that couple that opens their home to whatever troubled teens/kids/young adults need a place to stay, no questions asked. They might end up fostering a teen or two or take temporary custody if a situation calls for it. It just never turns to an official adoption and if the kids stay for a longer period of time, they end up making sure they get put in a good foster/adoptive family. 

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Probably Pickles though the situations where he had to watch over a baby/toddler while their older sibling went to school/work was very few and far between (the dude lived through the 80s with hairspray and everything, no smell can get to him now-)

Who is the stricter parent? - I think it depends on the situation. Pickles can be a bit stricter than Charles surprisingly because there is no way you’d be able to lie or try and go behind his back. If he sees that a particular kid reminds him of himself, he may just be a bit stricter than usual and it has to be Charles to remind him that the kids are in good hands now. Besides that, Charles is definitely strict but fair. He’s just as hard trying to go behind his back and can actually ground them (he’s not even their legal guardian, they just know he can’t be messed with.)

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Charles definitely-But usually he’s the last to find out about it haha-

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Charles (though mainly he remembers to tell Pickles as he’s the one who has the time to make it in the mornings)

Who is the more loved parent? - They both are for their own reasons! Charles is loved for helping them with advice, homework, whatever they need and being the stricter parent needed for the troubled kids’ lives and Pickles is loved for being the laidback parent who genuinely takes interest in their interests and helps encourage them to follow their dreams.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? Neither; both are too busy in their own lives. Charles tried once for the hell of it. He realized it was the most difficult meeting he had ever sat through, even hosting meetings for Dethklok. Never again.

Who cried the most at graduation? - Pickles; he’s especially emotional about it if it’s the most troubled kids that invited them. Very proud of all the kids who remembered them enough to invite them to their graduations.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Pickles-but he might fuck up in the process and Charles would have to bail them both out of jail-

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - There are klokateers for it but Charles does sometimes like to surprise Pickles with some of his favorite food!

Who is the pickiest in their food choice? - Charles; Pickles’ food palette is non-existent so he’s willing to eat anything. Charles? Not so much.

Who does the grocery shopping? - Neither; thank god for living in Mordhaus- (And even after that, they just hire someone to do it for them-)

How often do they bake desserts? - Fairly often, it’s become a pretty quick date night for them! They like to make macaroons, pies, or whatever they have their heart set and just enjoy the next few hours of getting some quality alone time.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Meat all the way-

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Charles once again! Though Pickles does surprise with an anniversary dessert. It’s not really a surprise if they both know the other will cook them something but it’s the thought that counts!

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Pickles; while it’s fun having small dates inside, he definitely suggests going someplace else whenever they have the time. 

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? -  Toki 

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Charles cleans his own room, Pickles gets a klokateer to do it though recently he’s been cleaning his own room? Wow, Charles is rubbing off on him.

Who is really against chores? - Pickles; they can just hire help like the rich jackoffs, who the fuck needs to do chores?

Who cleans up after the pets? - They don’t have pets but it’d probably be Pickles.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Pickles but thank God he’s never really asked to clean much-

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Charles

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Whatever klokateer cleans mordhaus and/or their house--

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Charles; he knows self-care very well and often makes sure his schedule has a few hours to himself so he can do just that! Definitely has fallen asleep in the bathtub more than once but Pickles luckily memorized his schedule haha

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - They both would! By the time they adopt a dog, they probably both would have time to do it together :)

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - They hate the idea of it; probably hire klokateers or whoever to do it for them-

What are their goals for the relationship? - They just want to be able to complete the other without overstepping boundaries. There are probably things that both are afraid of bringing up or reminding the other. It’s no longer become a game of walking on eggshells because they have known each other for so long and know what their intentions will be. They aren’t going to change the other unless the other genuinely wants to change. They will simply help fill in the gaps the other lacks so naturally like they fit in together. 

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Pickles, not that Charles lets him anyway-

Who plays the most pranks? - Pickles but even then the pranks are pretty rare or more of ways to get Charles out of the office (’Hey Charlie, Nathan is tryin’ to sneak a whale in his room again’ But then it turns out that Nathan really tried doing that so who knows if it was even a prank-)

[redeadepression]

Untitled John Fic | John Marston x F!Reader | Angst

I couldn’t think of a title so... Get it? Like the Goose game. Lol.

Sooo I misread this ask as specifically asking for fem reader which is how I have written the fic. I apologise if you were wanting GN or M!Reader. But I do state in my rules if you don’t ask for a specific gender I will probably write F!Reader as it’s what I am most confident in as a female.

I would also LOVE to write an Arthur fic along the same vein but need to wait for inspiration to hit. Feel free to send me sad Arthur headcanons you wouldn’t mind me using as a prompt to get the juices flowing.

~~

Warnings: Mentions of suicide/suicidal thoughts | Tags: ANGST, Hurt/Comfort

Relationships: John Marston x F!Reader, (past) John Marston x Abigail Roberts | NO CHEATING

Word Count: 4608  

Summery: John is struggling with juggling a new relationship and his commitment to Abigail as ex-husband/co-parent to Jack. Reader comforts him when he’s down.

Disclaimer: I fucking LOVE Abigail!!! Don’t @ me about her characterization in this fic! John/Abi is my OTP. I am fully aware they are BOTH at fault for their shitty relationship early game and I try so hard to never write her as purely “the bad guy”. I make sure to always try and give her solid reasoning behind her shitty actions. However, this fic is from John and his new gf’s POV so obviously Abigail is going to be the antagonist.

~~~

It had been a hard few months. Tensions were high in the Gang and as a relatively new member you were finding it hard to hide that fact that you felt uncomfortable and out of place.

Most of your awkward feelings came from the seemingly unanimous contempt that had been placed upon you by a large number of gang members. A strong dislike so thinly veiled that it hung in the air like a bad smell. It felt absolutely suffocating, intolerable at times.

But you couldn’t walk away now. Not after what you had done to cause this cloud of abhorrence that seemed to follow your every move. You’d made a commitment and you planned to stick it out until the heat died down.

If it did die down… You worried more than you cared to admit that you had made a name for yourself. That your time here would always be miserable.

You sat by yourself on a log near the fire. Having risen earlier than usual to try and avoid the bustle of the morning. Gang members arguing over who got the first cup of coffee and whining at the taste of left-over stew for breakfast.

Most people were still asleep. The sun had only just begun to peak its head over the mountains across the distant valley. You were enjoying your moment of silence, a second to yourself to catch your breath after a horrible night of restless sleep.

As if the universe itself was against you, an almighty shriek ripped through the camp, a sudden wind, unrelated to the noise jostled tent flaps and wiped your hair around your face. If you didn’t know better, you would have sworn the breeze was a shockwave from the force of Abigail’s wrath.

You exhaled slowly, turning to look in the direction of the disturbance but still trying to be discreet lest anyone was watching.

Abigail was berating John. Absolutely tearing shreds off him as he stared at her blankly like a startled deer. He had been on his way to the fire, empty coffee cup in hand when she had caught up with him. Her mannerisms telling anyone that was watching that she was finally at the end of her tether.

You pursed your lips, turning back to the fire quickly and trying to pretend you hadn’t heard. Couldn’t still hear, the screaming and cursing.

You couldn’t blame her. It was your fault she was so high strung lately.

You listened as John tried to defend himself meekly. His arguments palling in comparison to her accusations. She had every right to be as upset with him as she was. But you felt perhaps this discussion could have happened in private instead of airing your dirty laundry for the Gang to witness.

It had been a good 6 months now since they had broken up. Amicably at first with the intensions of working things out after a trial separation. John had needed space from her constant nagging and Abigail felt she needed time away from here ‘second child.’

They kept their separation to themselves. But due to the nature of their volatile relationship it wasn’t such a secret. Abigail and Jack moved out of John’s tent and Jack had spent days crying on his bedroll. Heartbroken over his parents splitting up.

This caused frequent quarrels. Abigail arguing that John didn’t care and wasn’t doing anything to try and console the boy that everything would be fine. John arguing right back that there was nothing he could do. Why give him hope for something that may never happen?

The fact that Abigail refused to leave him in peace after their separation just pushed him further away. Even if her arguments were valid and with good intension. John felt caged. Breaking up didn’t make her stop. He couldn’t catch a break. He felt trapped with the only option being to run again.

You bit at your bottom lip, taking a sip of your coffee to seem nonchalant as more and more gang members began to rise from their tents to see what all the commotion is about. A few were looking directly at you. Their eyes squinted and full of loathing. But most were looking at Abigail and John. Watching as she paced in front of him, ranting and raving about his lack of care.

It seemed she’d had a rough night. With Jack falling ill she’s not slept a wink. Between comforting him and cleaning him up after he’s been sick, she was awake the entire night. Resentment at John’s blissfully unaware state growing by the minute as he slept right through a few tents over.

He was arguing that he didn’t know. She should have told him he was sick. Asked for help and he would have been there. Abigail was screaming back that asking him for help has never done her any good in the past so  why should she start now?

John was flailing, you could see it plainly as you chanced another glance around. She was too damn angry to hear anything he had to say. You felt for her. You really did. That was, until she noticed you.

She turned on you with the fury of 3 angry bulls.  She screamed your name, pointing. All eyes were on you as she shouted.

“And you! You don’t help a damn thing you homewrecker!”

Your jaw droped, unable to speak as you blinked in disbelief. She’d not spoken a word to you in months. Of course now was the time she chose to hash it all out.

“Hey!” John interjected, grabbing Abigail by the arm and spinning her back in his direction. “You leave her out of this!” He warned, eyes stern as she reeled around, hand clapping hard against the side of his face and making him falter. He let go of her, staring with wounded eyes as she took a step back. Realising what she’d just done and clearing her throat.

She opened her mouth to apologise. Her own disbelief greater than that of anybody watching. It had been a reflex. Muscle memory from her days as a prostitute. She hadn’t meant to hurt him.

John turned away, standing there for a second longer before walking away in the direction of the horses.

You watched in stunned silence as she let him go. Even the birds seemingly invested in the situation as an awry stillness descended on the whole area. The only sound the crunching of John’s boots as he stomped towards Old Boy.

He mounted up and left. Forgoing a saddle or any other tack. Hands holding tight on to Old Boy’s mane as he dug his heels into the horse’s ribs and directed him away from camp.

It took a few minutes and Abigail retreating to her lean-to to check on Jack before anyone dared to make a move. Gang members slowly exiting their respective tents and going about their business quietly. None of them bold enough to mention what had just happened for fear of Abigail over-hearing.

You stood slowly, knowing people were going to be looking in your direction regardless. They knew where you were going. What your plan was. There was no point in sitting around any longer in an attempt to try and hide it.

You moved towards your horse. Taking your time to saddle up and make sure he/she was ready for the ride before mounting up and spurring them into a trot along the path out of camp.

 ~~~~

You didn’t have to ride long. Knowing in your heart where John would be you had ridden towards that area, following along the fresh hoof-prints in the loose red dirt.

You turned off the beaten path, your horse whinnying in annoyance at having to walk through the brush. You petted them on the neck, promising a treat for following your direction. You know they couldn’t understand you but smiled non-the-less as they seemed to calm at the idea.

You could have left them hitched to a tree near the main road. But you ran the risk of another gang member noticing them and walking through the forest to find you.

You spotted John and Old Boy up ahead. The large Hungarian Half-bred munching happily on some greenery about 10 metres from the edge of a large cliff overlooking the valley below. John was sitting near the edge. Face in his hands as he contemplated his life thus far, oblivious to your approach.

You hitched Y/HN next to Old Boy and called out softly to alert John to your presence. He jumped slightly. Looking over his shoulder briefly before wiping at his face and letting his hands fall to his lap.

You sat down beside him, placing a familiar hand on his upper back and rubbing small, comforting circles as he glared at the ground in front of him. A large, angry mark flaring up on his cheek where Abigail had hit him.

It had been about 4 months since you’d officially started dating. Four months of absolute hell if you were being honest. But when you were alone like this, in your special spot away from camp, it was absolute bliss.

This specific situation wasn’t ideal. But you had been yearning for some alone time away from prying eyes.

Eyes that seemed to never stop watching. It was taking its toll on you. Making you regret things you shouldn’t be regretting. Questioning things, you didn’t want to be questioning.

Like was he worth it?

John seemed to follow your train of thought. Side-eying you silently as he rubbed at his cheek.

“You can go.” He said weakly. “If you want.” A long exhale following his words as he licked his lips and fell silent once more.

“I just got here.” You laughed, hand falling from its place on his back. You placed it on his thigh, squeezing reassuringly and watching as his jaw tensed. Seemingly gritting his teeth.

“No... I know.” He said softly, struggling to find the words. “I mean… You can leave. If you want to.” He paused, finally turning to look at you and realising his point had not been made. “The Gang.” He clarified. Making your brows shoot upwards in surprise.

He turned back to his hands in his lap and closed his eyes for a moment. You suspected he was waiting for your confirmation on the subject but it didn’t come.

You had been enjoying your time in the Gang up until recently. Having worked hard every day for a week to pull a con on two men you’d met in the saloon nearby. It turned out those men were actually trying to con you as well. When the truth was realised you had all had a good laugh. Dutch and Arthur inviting you to join them for a drink and upon realising you currently didn’t have a stable home, the Gang.

Everything was fantastic for a few months. You felt at home almost instantly. You made new friends, new family. You were welcomed with open arms and you had never felt so secure in your lifetime.

When you’d met John, the chemistry had been instantaneous on your part. Finding him attractive, friendly and useful to boot. You had caught him staring more than once and were relatively sure he returned your feelings. But something was off about the way he acted towards you. He had been skittish. Dancing around your attraction to him and outright avoiding any chance you’d had to be alone. It wasn’t until you’d cornered him after a night of drinking that he finally admitted he did feel something for you as well.

He was very guilty about his admission. Explaining that he was supposed to be trying to work on things with Abigail. He was struggling hard with the feeling that he knew deep down their relationship was a dead-end. Every time they were supposed to try and talk it out it ended in a fight. Abigail becoming increasingly impatient that he wasn’t ready to recommit himself to her.

He had word-vomited his darkest thoughts to you that night. Slurring about how he wanted to run away again and saw no way out. His attraction to you was the straw that broke the camels back. The last nail in the coffin of his resolve to fix things with his wife. He hadn’t meant for it to happen. But that didn’t mean he could ignore it.

He wanted to tell Abigail it was over for good. He wasn’t interested in fixing things and he felt they parented better separately anyway. She was always going on about Jack. What about Jack? How will this affect Jack? He was scared to tell her it wouldn’t. To seem callous towards his son and his feelings. He felt he was a better Father without her hanging over his shoulder.

Somewhere in the middle of his rant he had begun to cry. Head heavy with the drink, he hadn’t been able to stop his usual stoic core from breaking. Mortified by the turn of events he’d tried to pretend as if nothing had happened. As if he hadn’t just spent half an hour rambling his sorrows to a relative stranger.

He shut himself down. Locking away his feelings and refusing to acknowledge them even after you’d both bitten the bullet and started to date a few weeks later.

He’d had to tell Abigail first. Before he could in good conscience being seeing you in earnest. He had been too afraid before your drunken talk. Terrified of ending things and risking everything he had for the sake of your rejection. But after the conformation he had been looking for, he’d found a renewed sense of courage. Letting Abigail know he was done with their romantic relationship but that didn’t mean he was walking away from Jack.

To say she hadn’t taken it well was an understatement. You had learnt swear words that day that you hadn’t previously known the existence of. She had been absolutely furious at your betrayal. Having gotten along fine before that. She’d never expected that you would pounce on her husband.

You’d both argued that had they been an item you would never had made your feelings known. But as John was for all intents and purposes, single, you felt it was alright to proposition him.

You understood where she was coming from. She had been blindsided by your interest in him. Having had it set in her mind that they would work things out and become that happy family she had always dreamed she’d have.

For the most part, the gang agreed with your argument. Tiptoeing around Abigail and letting you know that you didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t until rumour started to spread about the night you confessed your feelings that things started to take a turn. It spread like wildfire and although you were both pretty confident of its origin, you couldn’t prove it anymore than you could prove you hadn’t slept together that night.

The general consensus of ‘You’ve done no wrong’ quickly changed to ‘How could you do that?’ after rumour spread that you had slept together before John had officially ended things with Abigail.

Looking back, you feared you had worsened the situation by buying into it. Telling people that even if it were true, they were still separated; had led people to believe it was true. You regretted it, more for John’s sake than your own. You thought of these people as your family. But these people were his family and had been for over half his life. The damage done by the entire situation was breaking him. You could see it in the way he looked at you. Hear it in the way he spoke.

You hated to admit it. But this morning part of you was worried you would find Old Boy hitched on the edge of the cliff and John’s mangled body at the bottom.

You looked at him now, your own teeth clenched as you tried to find the words to let him know you weren’t going anywhere. That he hadn’t risked all for nothing. You would stay and you would listen. You would wear the criticism and backhanded comments with an air of pride as long as you were making him happy.

“I ain’t goin’ nowhere.” You whispered, shuffling closer so your sides were touching.

John jumped at the initial contact, head snapping back to look at where you’d bumped against him before he seemed to relax, turning his gaze back to the ground.

“I understand if you want to, deep down.” He mumbled, not really moving his lips as he spoke. “You wouldn’t be the only one.”

You winced at that, hand on his thigh squeezing once more as you leaned in to kiss the mark on his cheek. He jolted away out of reflex before settling himself down and letting his forehead rest on your own cheek.

“Why don’t you tell me what you’re feelin’?” You asked quietly, hand coming up to run through his long hair and massage his scalp. He moaned against you softly, shuddering at the feeling.

“Not feelin’ anything.” He said against your shoulder, eyes staring blankly at the stitching on your collar.

Your lips tightened, eyes flicking towards him as you removed your hand from his head and waited. It took a few seconds before he realised you were done. Sitting back to look at you sadly as you raised your brows in question.

“What?” He asked, looking away. You could tell he wanted you to drop it. To just pretend it hadn’t happened and move on like you’d done that first night.

“What was all that about?” You asked, gesturing back in the direction of camp, his eyes rolling at your question.

“Just drop it will ya?” He asked, annoyance in his tone as he stared out over the valley. The sun now having fully risen above the mountain was tingling their skin with warmth as it worked to rise enough to shade them under the trees above.

You stayed silent, feeling the mood shift. His demeanour hadn’t changed but something was different. You didn’t want to push him too hard, lest he fling himself over the cliff in front of your eyes.

“It’s just…” He started, crossing his arms and huffing indignantly. “It’s… dumb.” He said weakly, trailing off from his train of thought.

You watched on sadly. Brows furrowed as he sniffed audibly. Shoulders shuddering momentarily before he managed to compose himself enough to stop them.

His eyes were squinting in the morning sun. Face scrunched into a scowl as he blinked back his emotions.

He obviously wanted to talk. Not sure how to go about it or if he would be judged for what he was going to say. Perhaps he stopped himself because he felt you would be offended by his statement.

“I’m sure it’s not.” You probed. Deciding that if he truly wanted you to drop it, he wouldn’t have spoken.

“I’m just…” He paused, questioning if he really had the emotional stability he would need to talk about his feelings without breaking down. He swallowed, taking a calming breath before continuing. “I’m really trying.” He said simply, voice cracking on the last word as his face crumpled and he brought his hands up to cover it.

You made a sound of acknowledgement, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and squeezing his opposite arm tightly.

He let you, too busy in his own mind to push you away. He admonished himself harshly for thinking he could vent a little bit without opening the gates entirely. It had been such a long time since he’d cried, properly cried and not just let a few tears slip when he was heavy on the drink. He’d been holding in years of unpleasant feelings and lately he’d been struggling. Feeling particularly vulnerable at inopportune times and taking playful jabs way too seriously.

He choked on his words of apology. Mumbling nonsense into his palms as he finally began to let it all out.

“I… I been tryin’ so…” He paused, stumbling over his wording. “So… hard.” He stuttered, shaking uncontrollably under the weight of his own words.

You shushed him lightly, hand squeezing soothingly as you gently pulled him towards you. He let himself fall, head resting on your chest as he huffed quietly, his breathing uneven.

Once he was resting his weight against you, you moved your hand to his back. Running the pads of your fingers lightly up and down his spine and encouraging him to breath in the same slow pattern. He obliged, slowly but surely calming as his breathing began to return to normal. His leaking eyes burning as he struggled to stop the flow of tears he regretted letting go of.

“I don’t… I don…” He stammered, cutting himself off. He already felt so damn weak. Nerves grating on the feeling of helplessness.

You shook your head, other hand coming up to run through his hair once more and then down against his unmarred cheek. You pressed lightly, encouraging him to look at you. He reluctantly did so, red rimmed eyes sheepishly averting as he caught your look of sympathy.

You could tell he was on the verge of shutting down. Composing himself and bottling it all back up until the next time, whenever that may be. All of the thoughts and feelings would come back twice as hard. Knocking against him when he least expects it and finally pushing him off the precipice he had so delicately been balancing on since long before you met him.

Since Jack was born.

“It’s okay.” You cooed, holding him tighter in an effort to make him feel safe. “You can tell me anythin’, you know that.” You whispered gently, the feeling of him slowly coming undone almost physical as his dam-wall broke apart in your arms.

He stuttered uncontrollably, breath hitching almost constantly as he tried his hardest to tell you how he was feeling. Words broken and slurred as he let you in on his darkest thoughts. His deepest fears.

“I been tryin’ so… so hard with Jack.” He cried against your breast. Pressing himself closer to you as if he could hide from your judgement. “She… she told me… I…” He stammered, cutting himself off as deep, wracking sobs overtook his ability to speak.

You shushed him lightly. Making sure to let him know it wasn’t his words you were trying to stop. You wanted to hear it all. Wanted him to let it out and get it in the open so you could calm his tears and all his insecurities.

He was mortified, you could tell by the way he kept trying to hide his face. Wiping at it irately as if being annoyed with his tears would stop them.

You supposed you would be embarrassed too if the situations were reversed. Your relationship was relatively new, even if it had already felt like a lifetime. He was scared of your judgement. Afraid you were going to leave once you’d seen what a wimp he really was.

You reassured him once more that you weren’t leaving. Making it clear you were staying put without his prompting. Hoping it felt more genuine that way.

He seemed to calm down a little after you spoke. Sobs turning to uneven breaths as you resumed running your hand up and down his back at a slow pace.

He followed your movements, long soothing breaths making him weary after his emotional collapse.

“She told me… I weren’t tryin’ hard enough with Jack.” He said finally, nearly getting through the entire sentence without a hitch. His arms wrapped around your waist loosened, falling slack as he took a deep breath and pushed himself to sit up.

You took in his dishevelled appearance, feeling a pang to your heart at the sight of him. Your hand came up automatically to brush his hair behind his ear as he turned to look at you with the saddest eyes you’d ever seen.

“She said I ruined his life breakin’ up his parents. Said he’d never be happy again.” He elaborated, barely above a whisper. You smiled sympathetically, hands cupping his cheeks as you leaned into brush your lips against his. He let you, not closing his eyes as you kissed him. Wanting to see as well as feel you.

“You know that ain’t true.” You said against his lips, thumbs swiping under his eyes to wipe away some of the wetness. He paused, nodding hesitantly as if he didn’t really believe it but felt he had to agree for your sake.

“She hurt my feelings.” He admitted quietly. Voice so small you weren’t sure you had actually heard it. He looked away, pulling his face from your grip and you knew then that he had said what you thought. “I been tryin’ so hard.” He repeated for the third time. Driving home how much she had hurt him with her words and making your heart ache. You felt for him. You knew too well the pain of truly trying your hardest only to be shot down and slapped with a punishment for not putting in any effort.

“I know. I’ve seen you.” You stated as a conformation, smiling fondly to yourself at the memory him playing swords with Jack earlier in the week.

“I don’t know how to fix it.” He said simply, hands ringing together unconsciously as he worried his lip between his teeth. You frowned, taking his hands in yours and turning to face him fully.

“You don’t need to.” You stated firmly. “Jack is happy. Ain’t you heard the phrase don’t fix what’s not broke?”

John’s lips twitched at your wording. It was one of the things he loved about you. Your subtle wording that changed a common phrase ever so slightly to your own version.

“I meant… with Abigail.” He shifted uncomfortably at the admission. Your hands letting go of his as you looked at him in surprise. He grabbed at your hands frantically. Scrambling to correct himself and clarify. “Not… romantically.” He pressed. “Just… in general.”

You breathed a small sigh of relief. Closing your eyes for a second before focusing on his statement.

“You don’t have to hon.” You said softly. “You’ve been tryin’. I’ve seen you. It’s up to her to make things civil.”

John furrowed his brows. That didn’t seem quite right. He was sure it was his responsibility. She had made that clear from the start.

“I ended it. I hurt her.” He said blatantly, his tone questioning. “I have to make things right.”

You sighed, squeezing his hands tightly as you replied.

“There will be no right as long as you’re with me.”

John looked at you for a long moment. Eyes flicking between yours as he waited for more.

You watched as the realisation hit him. His red rimmed eyes beginning to water as he tensed his jaw once more. He stared at you, hurt plain as day across his face as he assessed your meaning.

“Can you live with that?” He asked, voice thick with emotion.

You took a moment to reflect. Really think about what you were going to say before you responded. To make sure you really meant it.

“Yes.” You smiled. “You’re worth it.” You said, taking his face in your hands once more and pressing your forehead against his.

You felt his cheeks rise. Teeth bumping against your lips as he attempted to kiss you through his smile.

“So are you.” He whispered.

 End

~~~

PLEASE let me know if you liked it/What you liked! I am dying for comments on my fics and it’s to the point where I’m not above begging for feedback. 

[somethinwickedthiswayrides]

Animal Affinity

So I had a thought rolling around in my head, about the reader having an uncanny affinity for animals, like Fallout's 'Animal Friend' perk levels of affinity. So, this is what I came up with, this is my first ever delve into headcanon territory and I haven't been playing RDR2 for very long, so please forgive me if someones out of character.

Reader is Gender-neutral, but I wrote it with a female in mind. Sorry if it's a bit long, I wanted to include everyone in camp and use different animals.

They always said they had this strange way with animals, they couldn't really explain it, but animals never attacked them and didn't really spook around them. No one really believed them until they saw it.

Cougar;

Arthur, Sean, Javier, and you were out on a scouting trip of a house not to far north of the Black Bone Forest, they decided to make camp for the night and were joking around and trying to not knock Sean's loud mouth out.

You were all knocked out of your reverie when you suddenly felt hot breath on the back of your neck which was soon followed by a powerful bunt to your shoulder. The looks on your partners faces were concerned as they slowly reached for their sidearms.

You slowly turned and there was a cougar blinking at you. With a small smile you reached up and gave the lesser cat some scratches and the cat slowly came around and plopped its entire front half into your lap, gently purring.

Sean wanted to scream, but was too confused as to the how and why of a cougar laying in your lap like that was where it belonged. He settled for muttering 'what the fuck' under his breath.

Javier stayed tense the entire time, never really quite sure if the large cat was going to try and maul them or it just wanted petting.

Arthur slowly pulled out his journal to sketch out the scene before him, having never been this close to an animal that usually wanted to claw his face off.

You and the other hand were used to this and simply let the large cat lay in your lap while you gave all the love and attention the cat wanted, before it decided it was enough and stalked back off into the forest, leaving behind the small camp.

Wolf;

You, Lenny, and John were having a small camp out after a few successful stagecoach robberies, and were taking a break before heading back into camp. Everyone was joking and having a good time when a whimper caught everyone's attention. You all turned and saw a limping lone wolf, what looked like porcupine quills were sticking out of its leg and around its mouth.

"Oh, you poor thing," you exclaimed, "here, let me help you." With that you left your spot and slowly made your way to the miserable pup, ignoring John and Lenny's whisper shouts.

They watched in awe as you calmed the wolf and as gently as your could, plucked out the offending quills. The wolf, quite happy that it no longer had those painful irritations stuck in it, wagged its tail and licked your face, trying to worm his tongue in your mouth in what it thought was a proper thank you.

Lenny, having heard about the cougar incident, was a bit more relaxed then John, but still wary as this was a predator, and didn't want anything happening to you.

John, on the other hand, was nearly having a panic attack. The memories of his last tussle with wolves still fresh in his mind, and he kept his hand on his pistol, just in case the wolf wanted to make you a meal.

Deer;

You and Charles were out in the woods near camp, planning on bringing in a couple deer for Pearson. As he helped you off your horse, he noticed a doe with her fawn, and gently smiled at the sight.

Charles smile only grew when the young fawn bounded over and nuzzled your hand, looking for scratchies before delightedly prancing back to its mother, its little tail waggling all the while.

Bear;

Arthur had told you where Micah was after he broke him out of the Strawberry jail, and after the ensuing fire fight. Somewhat irritated with him, but also wanting to be sure he didn't die on you just yet, you pack up a few supplies and went out to where he was located. It took a little while, but, you did end up finding him.

You put up with his needling and teasing about being worried about him, but soon you two found yourselves in somewhat of a pleasant conversation. Which was soon stopped when he noticed something entering camp, you looked over and it was a small bear cub. You shushed Micah and told him not to worry as the little cub waddled over, gave you a sniff before deciding that your lap was a great place to take a nap.

You shrugged and gently pet the cub and picked right back up where the conversation had been left, as if you didn't have a bear on your legs. Micah, confused and a bit unnerved continued the conversation and once actually reached out to pet the little bugger himself.

The conversation abruptly cut off once again, this time with a more panicked expression from Micah, mama bear had decided to show up. Once again you shushed the blond man as mama walked her way over to you, gave you a nudge and then gripped her cub by the nape of it's neck, causing the little one to let our a cry of indignation about being ripped away from its comfy bed. Before she nudged it along to wander out of the camp.

Micah had just stared, slack jawed, at the display, there was no need for a fight, no need to defend, just a mother picking up her child from a babysitter. He spared a glance at you, smiling at the bears, and decided that you were either incredibly brave, or exceedingly stupid. Either way, he was slightly afraid of you now.

Wild Horses;

You and Kieran were out having a little ride, since Branwen very seldom left camp, as Kieran very seldom left camp, you decided that a little run around in the open plains would be good for the both of them. So with a few harsh words toward Kieran from the other camp members about keeping you safe, and Dutch's farewell you two set off.

The ride was peaceful, and quiet, there was little in the way of conversation as Kieran wasn't quite sure how to approach you just yet. You had stopped out in near Emerald Ranch, in the little patch of wetlands, to let the horses run around in the water and play, while you two were resting nearby.

There was then a sound of hooves as a herd of wild horses had galloped up to the water for a drink, not too far from you. You gave a smile and stood, making your way to the herd.

Kieran watched amazed as the horses didn't spook from your presence, to the point that you could walk right up to them and give them pats and scratches, cooing at how pretty they were, before pulling out some sugar cubes from your satchel to feed them. The sight put a soft smile on his face as to how calming you were that even the most skittish of horses trusted you.

Snakes;

Nearly all the members of the gang were out on jobs that day, barring the women, little Jack, Pearson, Reverand Swanson, Dutch, and yourself. Karen had just walked up and was relieving you of an all night guard duty. You smiled in appreciation as you turned to make your way back into camp, before you and Karen had to go bolting in at the sound of Tilly and Abigail screaming.

Turns out little Jack had managed to catch himself a snake, and was holding his squirming target trying to show his mother, who was less than pleased. You took a quick look and sighed a breath of relief, deducing that it was a harmless corn snake, though where in the world Jack found it was beyond you.

With a chuckle you gently took the small snake from his grasp, and the little guy coiled around your hand and wrist, content in the warmth you were providing, rather then Jacks tight grip. While the little guy was calming down and warming up you had to gently explain to Jack that he couldn't just pick up a snake he finds, he was lucky that this one wasn't venomous.

Jack nodded and you showed him how to gently pet the little snake, and it gave a happy little wriggle. Which caused Jack to giggle.

Susan, Mary-Beth, Abigail, Tilly, and Molly were too freaked out to really care much about you holding the snake and simply wanted the offensive little bugger out of the camp.

Karen was laughing boisterously about the commotion.

Sadie simply chuckled and said it could've been worse.

Pearson was impressed that the wriggling and hissing little thing had calmed down as soon as you got hold of it, chuckling to himself as he went back to work on the food preparation.

Dutch didn't care too much and simply wanted the thing gone so the women would calm down.

Swanson... He was still dead asleep, having missed the whole thing.

Fox and Coyote;

It was a rather quiet day in the Van der Linde camp. Most everyone was in camp, quietly taking a day of rest and doing their own thing, while others were hard at work doing their chores. Uncle was trying to teach you how to play poker, trying being the key word here.

Everyone's head perked up when Pearson gave a shout and they caught sight of a little fox and coyote leaping around camp and playing. Pearson was trying to shoo them away, but they weren't having any of it.

You gave a small chuckle and got up from the table and cooed at the duo, they couldn't have been more than a couple years old, still young and playful. By this time most everyone had shared their experiences with you and wild animals, and there were a few rumors floating around that you were a witch. But you didn't pay those no mind.

You had managed to catch and calm down the rambunctious pair and called Bill over to give you a hand. Bill, unsure as to why you needed his help, walked over and let out a small grunt of surprise when you plopped the fox down in his arms. The little canine wriggled and squirmed in his arms until you sweet talked it and gave it a little head scratch, and it gave a huff and settled down.

Bill had stared at the little fox in his arms, while you were picking up the coyote, and smiled to himself a bit. Reaching up to scratch at its neck, the little one seemed quite happy with this and snuggled into his arm and chest. Bill was sure he'd melt into a puddle on the spot.

Strauss had watched the goings on from a distance, but didn't seem to care too much before returning to his ledger.

Uncle gave a laugh and made a comment about being able to tame even the mightiest beast. Causing a few laughs, and a couple blushes within the group.

Dutch, now having his full attention, was wondering just how far your affinity with animals could go and if you were able to get them to follow basic commands.

Everyone else simply wanted the little trouble makers out of camp.

Birds;

Another quiet day in camp, it had been rather peaceful as of late so everyone was enjoying it while it lasted. You had taken up your usual feeding spot to watch and listen to the various birds in the area. Several people poked fun at you for feeding the birds, but you paid no mind to it. You were joined by Hosea and Swanson, though they did less feeding and more watching.

Swanson relaxed against the tree with closed eyes and a cup of coffee, enjoying the soothing chips.

Hosea gave a small smile as he watched some of the smaller cardinals resting on your fingers while your palm was covered in seeds. The birds literally eating out of your hand.

All in all, a rather peaceful time. Until a crow with something in it's beak landed by you feet, dropped it object and cawed until it was sure it had your attention, jolting Swanson and Hosea out of their peaceful stupors.

Once the crow had your attention it rolled the object toward your feet before hopping off to partake in the seeds. With a raised brow you reached down and picked up the object, wiping it off, and your jaws dropped. The little crow had gifted you a small gold nugget.

You all looked at each other, and with a small smile you realized that maybe feeding the birds wasn't such a bad idea after all.

[beauzoleils]

ABIGAIL  COWEN ,  CISFEMALE ,  SHE / HER    →   according  to  the  school  records ,  NATALIE  LUCILLE  BEAUSOLEIL  has  been  attending  sacred  heart  for  the  past  three  years .  i  last  saw  them   hanging  around  the  john  bracken  library  ;  i  think  they  were  working  on  writing  her  novel .  at  twenty - one  years  old ,  natalie  has  been  studying  english  literature  and  get  this ,  i   heard  that  she’ll  zone  out  while  writing  papers  for  class  and  come  to  surrounded  by  pages  and  pages  full  of  archaic  languages  she  doesn’t  speak   —   figure  it’s  true ?  everyone  around  here  always  associates  them  with  a  moonlight  sonata  echoing  through  empty  halls ,  seats  in  the  back  row  at  the  opera ,  and  dead  flowers  pressed  between  the  pages  of  an  old  book .  in  the  time  since  these  strange  happenings ,  they  have  encountered  unexplained  occurrences .     

HI ,  hello .  i’m  hannah  n  this  is  like .  the  only  thing  i’ve  been  thinking  about  recently ,  aka  i’m  so  excited .  ok  anyway !  i’m  20 ,  kickin  it  in  the  est !  i’m  a  full  time  student  ( majoring  in  being  a  dumb  bitch  n  gay  rights  and  i’m  at  the  top  of  my  class  baby . . )  and  i’m  ALSO  a  preschool  teacher  so  if  i’m  ever  Not  here ,  i’m  with  my  babies  ! !  but  that  isn’t  the  reason  why  ur  all  here . .   ur  here  for  an  intro  post !  so !  

let’s  talk  abt  my  girl . . .  𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐄  𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐈𝐋 !

okay .  so .  first  thing’s  first .  i  have  some  Real  Things  prepared  for  my  girl ,  including  but  not  limited  to :

a  pinterest  board !

a  stats  page !

and  what  i  call  NATALIE :  A  TRAGEDY  IN  THREE  ACTS .  it’s  kind  of  a  bio ,  mixed  in  with  some  stage  directions  here  and  there .  it’s  a  quick  read  n  rly  gives  you  that  Natalie  Flavor  if  you  know  what  i  mean . .  so  if  you  feel  so  inclined  n  wanna  take  a  look . .  but  full  disclosure  it  rly  does  hit  different  than  just  reading  this  intro 

anyway !  i’ll  give  a  more  condensed  version  of  her  bio  here  n  some  info  abt  her  personality  n  some  random  headcanons . .  etc !

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓  𝐈 :  𝑨 𝑯𝑰𝑺𝑻𝑶𝑹𝒀

alright  SO .  our  girl  natalie  was  born  on  april  13 ,  1952  to  michel  and  colette  beausoleil .  it  was  a  thursday ,  and  it  was  ALSO  eleven  weeks  before  colette’s  due  date ,  so  we  all  know  that  can’t  be  good 

( spoiler  alert :  it  wasn’t )

natalie  was  supposed  to  be  a  twin ,  but  the  other  baby  ( a  boy  named  pierre )  didn’t  survive .  they  didn’t  think  that  natalie  would ,  but  she did !  unfortunately ,  her  parents  were  too  wounded  by  the  loss  of  their  other  baby  and  it  was  all grieving  and  no  celebrating .  

also .  there’s  more  info  abt  her  parents  n  how  they  met  in  the  bio  but ,  a  sparknotes  version  is  that  michel  was  a  playwright  in  paris  and  colette  was  a  ballerina / his  muse  and  they  rushed  into  a  marriage 

michel  made  it  rly  big  a  couple  yrs  after  natalie  was  born  and  so  they  decided  to  use  that  $ $ $  to  send  natalie  away  to  an  expensive  boarding  school  in  london  called  our  lady  of  sacred  suffering .  it  was ,  of  course ,  a  catholic  girls  boarding  school  and  natalie  hated  it  there

but  they  hated  natalie  there  bc  she  was  just  the  WORST  catholic  school  girl  of  all  time ,  so  it  was  mutual

meanwhile ,  her  relationship  w  her  parents  is . .  very  complicated .  her  dad  is  just  kind  of  The  Worst  across  the  board ,  very  reliant  on  drinking ,  definitely  got  into  drug  use  at  some  point ,  had  lots  of  affairs  with  the  young  actresses  in  his  plays .  and  colette  was  just . .  very  sad  and  very  absent  so  the  support  was  Minimal

natalie  has  a  lot  of  issues  that  are  all  rooted  in  her  childhood  tbh .

somewhere  along  the  way ,  she  found  a  deep  passion  for  Writing  and  developed  this  sense  of  purpose  and  for  a  minute  things  were  going  very  well 

which  we  all  know  means  things  are  about  to  get  WORSE . 

on  her  eighteenth  birthday ,  natalie  receieves  a  card  in  the  mail  from  her  mother  for  the  First  Time  Ever .  and  she  immediately  is  like .  huh .  well .  something  is  Wrong .

she’s  right .

( tw :  nondescript  mentions  of  car  crashes  &  death )

a  week  later ,  she  receives  word  that  her  parents  were  involved  in  a  serious  car  accident  at  the  pont  de  l’alma  tunnel  in  paris  and  her  did  not  survive  the  accident .

( end  tw )

her  mother’s  family  is  not  convinced  that  michel  should  walk  away  from  this  without  blame  and  decides  to  take  legal  action  against  him  and  get  him  convicted  with  a  more  serious  charge  than  just  manslaughter . 

they  promise  to  keep  natalie  out  of  it  as  much  as  possible  but  when  it  comes  time  to  testify  as  to  whether  or  not  michel  had  a  history  of  not  caring  about  colette’s  life  and  well - being ,  the  only  one  who  can  speak  to  it  is  natalie .

so  she  testifies  and  it’s  her  testimony  that  is  the  metaphorical  nail  in  the  coffin .  

( tw :  suicide  mention )

michel  knows  it ,  too .  that’s  what  natalie  thinks .  he  turns  up  dead  in  his  jail  cell  the  day  before  he’s  supposed  to  be  sentenced .  she  never  knows  if  he  deserved  the  life  sentence  he  was  going  to  be  given .

( end  tw ) 

so  then !  she’s  an  orphan !  but  she  does  gain  control  over  everything  that  her  parents  left  behind ,  which  turns  out  to  be  a  lot .  

she  sells  their  house  in  paris ,  goes  to  wales  to  begin  university ,  and  hasn’t  gone  back  since  then .  but  like ,  she  grew  up  in  london  for  the  most  part  so  she’s  not  exactly  sad  about  being  away  from  paris  and  all  the  ghosts  there .

and  now  she’s  at  sacred  heart ,  working  on  writing  her  debut  novel ,  which  is  the  ( albeit ,  dramatized  and  fictionalized )  story  of  her  parents !

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓  𝐈𝐈 :  𝑨  𝑺𝑼𝑴𝑴𝑨𝑹𝒀 .

so  basically ,  she’s  got  issues .

fictional  character  inspo  includes :  jo  march ,  alaska  young ,  cheryl  blossom

if  you  know  anything  abt  astrology . .  she’s  an  aries  sun ,  mercury ,  and  venus . .  and  a  scorpio  moon  and  mars . .  and  a  gemini  rising . .  i’m  so  sorry JKDSFM

she’s  very  emotional  but  does  a  super  good  job  of  hiding  it  and  keeping  all  those  emotions  ( esp  the  intense  n  darker  ones )  buried  away . .  deep  down  where  no  one  could  see  it

the  minute  that  ppl  kind  of  ? ?  but  two  and  two  together  n  realize  who  she  is  ( bc . .  in  my  head . .  her  dad’s  whole  trial  was  kind  of .  A  Thing  that  the  public  knew  abt . )  they’re  probably  rly  concerned  w  Little  she  shows  any  real  emotion  to  the  whole  thing . 

rly  she’s  just  the  queen  of  compartmentalizing  n  repressing !

she’s  very . .  Assertive .  like ,  when  she  wants  something  she’s  going  to  do  whatever  it  takes  to  get  her  way  

very  Very  reckless .  she’s  like . .  so  fucking  impulsive  that  it  physically  Pains  me  sometimes .

she’s  very  smart  but  like .  More  So ,  she’s  very  clever  and  very  sharp  with  her  words .  a  very  fast  thinker  and  a  very  loud  talker 

someone  please . .  tell  her  to  stop  yelling .  she  needs  to  Relax . 

she’s  very  charming  i’ll  say  it .  n  like ?  seems  cool ?  the  kind  of  person  that  you  meet  and  immediately  want  to  hang  out  w  them .  

very  flirty ,  has  always  used  that  charming  smile  of  hers  to  get  ppl  in  her  corner  and  she’s  not  gonna  stop  now !  she’s  very  good  at  making  ppl  feel  special  

but  like .  she  means  well  most  of  the  time  sdkfj  her  heart  is  in  the  right  place  okay

big  time  trust  issues .  big  time  commitment  issues .  painfully  independent  and  refuses  to  let  anyone  know  how  much  she  cares  about  them  until  she’s  like . .  Really  sure  that  they  aren’t  going  to  hurt  her

also  very  afraid  of  hurting  people ,  which  is  another  reason  why  she  struggles  to  get  attached  to  people .  she  definitely  has  this  deep - rooted  fear  that  Bad  Things  follower  her  and  she  doesn’t  want  to  drag  ppl  into  that

it’s  literally  a  toss - up  as  to  whether  she’s  going  to  seem  like  she’s  demanding  ur  attention  or  entirely  disinterested  in  it .  bc  she’s  all  over  the  place . 

but  like .  i’m  an  emotional  BITCH  so  she’s  probably  going  to  end  up  being  100000%  softer  than  i  intend  bc  i  project  too  much  soft  bitch  energy  onto  my  characters  Always .

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓  𝐈𝐈𝐈 :  𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑵𝑬𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺 .

so  many  things .  literally ,  anything .  just  a  disclaimer ,  if  u  read  thru  this  and  had  An  Idea  then  like .  yes  Pls  tell  me ,  i  want  it  xoxo 

but  here  are  some  i  have  up  in  the  old . .  noggin .

EXES .  please ,  please . .  for  the  love  of  GOD  give  me  some  angsty  exes  nonsense .  do  you  need  someone  who  broke  ur  characters  heart ?  consider  natalie  UR  GIRL .  she’s  Emotionally  Damaged  and  has  the  capacity  to  be  the  angstiest  ex  of  all  time ,  okay ?

give  her  a  weakness .  she  needs  someone  who  she’s  Actually  vulnerable  around  and  actually  sees  her  have  emotions  and  knows  she’s  not  just  this  huge  Mess  all  the  time

i  rly  want  someone  that  is  like .  from  the  same  ( ish )  bg  as  her  in  the  sense  that  like . .  they  also  were  surrounded  by  nice  clothes  n   expensive  private  schools  n  Luxury  but  like .  they  Thrive  in  it  the  way  natalie  used  to  wish  that  she  could .  n  just .  i  think  it  would  b  a  super  interesting  dynamic  bc  they  would  just !  clash !  so  intensely ! !  n  tbh  nat  would  probably  b  lowkey  jealous  Still  n .  spicy !

@ all  those  ppl  who  are  into  theatre :  i’m  Dying  for  some  connections  of  ppl  who  knew / knew  of  her  father  n  would  know  what  happened  w  him  perhaps  on  a  deeper  level  than  ppl  who  read  it  in  the  newspaper  a  few  yrs  ago . .  ( bonus  points  if  they  lowkey  idolized / looked  up  to  her  dad  bc  thats  a  Big  Mess  and  could  b  spicy  as  fuck  to  explore ,  u know ? ) 

idk  if  any  of  y’all  have  characters  who  grew  up  in / around  paris ?  but  if  there  are . .  then  Perhaps  someone  who  knew  her  in  her  youth ?

okay .  not  to  be  Trash  but  like .  i  rly  want  her  to  have  a  dynamic  that’s  jo  x  laurie  adjacent ?  do  they  have  to  be  in  love  w  her ?  no !  i  just  want someone  that  has  that  genuine  bond  w  her  and  they  care  abt  each  other  n  goof  around  n  like . .  i’m  already  getting  soft  on  main ,  huh , ,

she’s  soo  fucking  messy  that  like . .  all  the  messy  fwb / frenemies  with  benefits / one  night  stand  type  of  plots . .  yes  pls 

i  always  want  there  to  b  a  badass  girl  squad  like .  a  group  of  ladies  n  theydies  that  take  no  shit  n  get  in  fights  for  each  other  n  rly  truly  ride  or  die  w  each  other . .  we  can  workshop  the  name  ok  but  for  now ?  my  girl  squad  is  open  for  applications 

okay .  let  me  cut  myself  off  right  there  but  i’ll  leave  you  with  my  WANTED  CONNECTIONS  TAG  n  also  again  i’m 10000%  okay  to  just  brainstorm  out  something  else  completely  if  its  what  ur  feeling !

if  u  read  all / any  of  this . .  i  love  u . <3  either hmu on discord ( let's go 𝓁𝑒𝓈𝒷𝒾𝒶𝓃𝓈 ! #6227 ) ksdjfskm  OR !  like  this  n  i  will  come  to  u !  okay ,  that’s  all ,  bye 

[sunshinexlollipops]

Oh for those sheriff!Arthur headcanons you better believe that if he did marry the whole town shoulder try their best to be supportive but hold a private funeral for their broken hearts. And then when they see what an absolutely beautiful, sweet, kind person Arthur married, they fall in love all over again. People start warning passerbys bit too stay to long or they'll lose their hearts to the infamous couple, WHO ARE COMPLETELY UNAWARE ~💚

oops anon my hand slipped. (FOR THE FOURTH TIME.)

when a peculiar stranger comes to town, little does Tumbleweed or Arthur know how much things are gonna be turned upside down.

NOW THIS IS A STORY ALL ‘BOUT HOW

Arthur, ever the gentleman, makes it a point to greet every newcomer personally.

so when our new face is moving into their home and Arthur pays them a friendly visit, the whole town isn’t too surprised.

they ARE surprised however when Arthur completely makes a fool of himself.

usually the man is so suave, and not exactly on purpose. he just has a natural confidence and swagger about himself that he carries, especially after the growth he’s had with Tumbleweed.

but this stranger? throws it out the window.

defenestration at its finest.

Arthur: “I’m the sheriff. Sheriff Morgan. Arthur Morgan, the sheriff. Sheriff of Tumbleweed.”

Stranger, confused: “Uhm. Yes. It seems so.”

Arthur: “I’m the sheriff, so don’t be gettin’ outta trouble.”

Stranger, still confused: “Don’t you mean into trouble?”

Arthur:

the entire town is beside themselves because whathefuckwasthat????

after several episodes of Arthur just completely fumbling like the only words in English he knows are his name and the word sheriff, the town goes into a state of emergency.

it is very obvious that there is something about this stranger that affects Arthur as they do, and they wanna know why.

so, they begin their investigation.

and something quickly becomes evident.

Arthur.

he sweet on them.

about half of the town is thrown into chaos—

“I JUST BOUGHT A RING YESTERDAY FUCKING—“

—and the other half is immediately planning out how to get Arthur his happy ending.

*eHarmony music starts playing*

it is glaringly obvious that Arthur is so sweet on their crush their name should be Fanta.

FANTA FANTA, DONT YOU WANTA—

sad thing is: Arthur does, but he is about as capable of speaking as I was capable of finishing my first playthrough.

newsflash: I didn’t.

newsflash to that newsflash: I had to make a second game and still haven’t finished.

that means it’s bad, okay?

but the town LOVES Fanta.

it may take some people some time to come around bc there is definitely jealousy at first, but it turns out it is really, really, really, really, REALLY hard to hate Fanta.

Fanta loves Tumbleweed and is very involved with the town.

they actually help out with the planning of it, and because of their involvement, the town has prospered with its new growth.

they got a nice little park area by the mansion, there’s a new town hall that looks very nice. the school got a renovation, and they fixed some of the older houses in need of restoration.

any problems in town and they’re on it.

also, knows everyone? on a personal level?

and is just? so kind?

Fanta to small boy in town: “Don’t forget! Your mother’s birthday is on Sunday!”

Small boy: “FUCK—“

and Fanta listens to people’s concerns and desires and tries to make things ideal for everyone.

and soon, people talk about Fanta helping the town as much as Arthur does.

because they make Tumbleweed the one city Arthur doesn’t hate.

AND THAT’S UNHEARD OF.

AND JUST YOU WAIT—

Fanta: “I moved here because of the sheriff. I heard he’s an amazing man.”

Arthur, having overheard ⤵️

the older folks of the town, who treat Arthur as a beloved son (and all hang a photo of Arthur in their house like Jesus selfies in churches), immediately begin their assault on making shit happen.

because, bless him, lord knows Arthur can’t even T A L K right at this point.

Old woman: “Oh, Arthur! My cat seems to have gotten out and climbed Fanta’s tree! What ever shall I do?!”

Arthur: “I... I can go over there.”

*proceeds to only greet himself as the sheriff in six variations before CLIMBING into Fanta’s tree and nearly falling out of it before coming back looking like he wants to test his dead eye on himself*

Arthur: “I’m sorry, miss... it’s not your cat up there. It’s just a bird’s nest.”

Old woman: “Oh mercy me! I’m just a frail old lady, you know! My eye sight is going with my years! Just incapable from my age, I am! However will I get this pie to Fanta????? If only I knew someone who could help!”

Arthur: “.........”

Old woman: 🥧 take the damn pie Arthur :)

the townsfolk are trying their hardest, and slowly but surely, with an usual amount of errands or requests involving Fanta, Arthur begins to grow out of his initial awkwardness.

but I say that in the sense that he’s still awkward asf but he is able to say more than “me Sheriff Morgan, yes?”

and, the townsfolk begin to notice that Fanta begins to like Arthur back and OH—

WE AT TUMBLEWEED LISTEN, AND DUE TO POPULAR DEMAND, WE INTRODUCING A BRAND NEW AND IMPROVED FLAVOR OF WHAT YOU LOVE BEST— “RESPECT ARTHUR MORGAN AND FANTA” JUICE. AVAILABLE NOW!

all of Tumbleweed ⤵️

and when Arthur finally grows confident to tell Fanta he’s sweet on them, and Fanta reveals the same?

all of Tumbleweed ⤵️

because say it out loud: the Morgan’s.

• T H E M O R G A N ‘ S.

Fanta meets John and Abigail and Jack and holydeargod these are not tears—

Jack ADORES Fanta and he quickly becomes enraptured with Fanta and the books they own and read to him because as he’s grown, he’s grown into a bookworm.

John also puts a hand on Arthur’s shoulder while they are having a heart to heart, watching Fanta read to Jack alongside Abigail, and he whispers, “Ya finally found ‘em, brother.”

F U CK

anyways :,)

call me a paper clip bc they quickly become the staple of the town.

“Hey, seems like you’re writing some headcanons, need any help—“

but this power couple is adored by EVERYONE.

kids have their first day of school? the Morgan’s are there, greeting each one and making sure they have snacks.

someone is sick? the Morgan’s bring soup and good tidings to get them better.

each night they have dinner in a different household and there is a spot at the table for them both in. every. home.

“THE MORGAN’S ARE COMING OVER TONIGHT AND I BURNT THE PIE.”

when they finally get married, the entire town attends.

and they are all STRAPPING.

because someone is gonna pay more than our national deficit if they fuck this up.

but Fanta, they’re perfect.

and more importantly, perfect for Arthur.

and so Fanta Morgan is quickly heralded as the second best part to the town.

“Oh, you headin’ into Tumbleweed? Careful, the Morgan’s will rob ya of your heart and you’ll thank ‘em for it.”

all of Tumbleweed at least once: “Can’t I just marry them both?”

[e-one-seven]

Warning: this post is long. If you are interested on my theories on DST lore you can click on  “Keep reading” below. If you don’t you can skip it. This whole post is the ultimate evidence that studying Foreign Literature at university was a really bad idea as now I see hidden subtexts everywhere! And having had some years to work on this theory didn't help either... I will be happy to see it crushed by Klei guys themselves with the release of the actual lore in a few weeks, because they are up to something big and I'm ready to have my mind blown! 

I think it's time for me to confess a little Don't Starve Together headcanon of mine I never really revealed to anyone until now: I seriously think that Wilson might be Charlie and Winona's younger brother, or at least a younger half-brother. I am not saying this just because their haircuts bear some similarities. There are some serious clues in game leading to that direction, and I found basically no counterarguments strong enough to deny the theory. I don’t know if these are funny coincidences or not, but they were enough to fill more than four Words pages and I am not one to believe in coincidences.

So the evidences I gathered could be summed up like this:

Charlie and Wilson act like they know each other in A New Reign Cinematic; she is the Night Monster, so of course they know each other! However, why did she choose to set him free revealing her true form despite her wanting to hide it and why did she let Wilson live to tell the tale?

It is confirmed that Charlie has one sister, but there might be other siblings or family members no one mentioned yet. And thanks to the information released by Klei it is possible to confirm that Wilson is young enough to possibly be Charlie and Winona's brother;

There are clues that Winona might be born into a rich family she estranged herself from because of her lifestyle (and possibly guilt for Charlie's supposed demise); the same applies to Wilson too, though the reasons of his estrangement are not clear;

We still have no way to know exactly where all these characters are from exactly, but it is implied that Winona traveled through all the USA and that Wilson at least completed his education in the USA.

It is confirmed that Wilson is a European immigrant; if we take Charlie’s Rose species name in account, her and Winona could possibly be of Anglo-Irish descent.

Wilson and Shadow Charlie share a similar haircut (and so does Winona to a lesser extend); Winona and Charlie's face structure is similar and it looks totally different from Wilson's, but there is an example in game that blood relatives could not look like each other at all (Maxwell and Wendy).

Wilson's new darkness quote is very similar to one of Maxwell's quotes about Abigail.

Wilson seems to have personality traits and interests in common with both Charlie and Winona;

We were told that Winona went to the Constant to save someone: despite their relationships being known, Charlie and Robert Wagstaff might not be the person she was looking for, at least according to her original character quotes.

The explanations and the results of some researches I made to confirm or deny my theory are better expressed below divided in four parts.

1) A New Reign Cinematic

This less than two minutes cinematic is mute like almost every Don't Starve related animation, but it's so full of emotion it's simply beautiful. And it is the only time we can see Charlie being herself before becoming the Shadow Queen, so I watched it again and again, even slowed down so I could fully enjoy every seconds of it (and a lot of DST fellow fans out there probably did too).

I have to admit that I always had the impression that Charlie booped Wilson's nose before setting him free, and that was for sure a factor in developing this theory as you boop your boyfriend or your little brother's nose, not a unknown person you just met. But Wilson being Charlie's brother would explain why she chose to set him free in the first place: before Wilson there was Maxwell, and despite all the powers he gained by being the Shadow King him being trapped on the Throne was still a torture. Wilson did not want to become the new King and so he was desperately fighting against Them and their corruption. Charlie hates to be seen, yet she chose to reveal herself to Wilson and she became the new Queen to prevent him to become like herself and Maxwell and this is a thing that every good big sister would do for their little brother. Furthermore, Charlie had to muster some serious self-control before doing that stunt because I am seriously convinced that any other character in Wilson's place would have died there and then. Charlie was smiling at the beginning of the cinematic, but her eyebrows betrayed her being extremely worried too. When Wilson is not in the Throne Room anymore she is much more relaxed, because she did what she came for and Wilson survived: it doesn't matter what will become of her from then on, and maybe that factor made the fusion with her Shadow self possible.

And about Maxwell, I think that dragging her theoretical little brother in that hellish world where Charlie herself could be the cause of his death would be a more than valid reason for Charlie to hate Maxwell's guts even more than she did before. That could be the reason why Maxwell’s death caused by Darkness is listed as "Charlie" instead. I checked it, despite Winona is canonically able to recognize Charlie as the Darkness like Maxwell, her death cause is still listed as "Darkness". But it is impossible to tell if it is a developers' oversight.

2) What we know about their backgrounds

Digging into the William Carter Puzzles Charlie's ad requisition caught my curiosity. It says "should have a curious demeanor and a keen interest in the mysteries of the universe." This description could fit Wilson too. We know next to nothing about who Charlie used to be before she became the Night Monster, aside that she was William Carter's assistant and she cared a lot about him. In her letters Charlie mentions only one sister, Winona, because she frequently visited her (or, more likely, they lived together when she was not working with Maxwell). But frequent visits to her sister don't exclude the possibility of other relatives or siblings existing somewhere else. This happened in 1905 and Charlie disappeared the following year, exactly fifteen years before the events of Don't Starve in 1921. Charlie and Winona were young adults and they probably moved away from their family. According to Charlie's last letter her family owned a cabin used as holiday house in BC, implying that Charlie and Winona's birth family was been rich enough to afford a holiday house in the first place.

BC commonly stands for "British Columbia" in Canada, a popular place for a family to have a holiday cabin nowadays. But it can also stand for Bay City, Michigan. Bay City is located near Saginaw Bay on Lake Huron, so it could be a possible place to locate a holiday cabin for the family. For some bonus points, Bay City merged with West Bay City in 1905; West Bay City was created in 1877 from the union of the villages of Banks, Salzburgh and Wenona. Wenona is an alternative spelling of the name "Winona": if the Bay City theory is correct she might have been born during a time where the old name of the area could have been still used by population and her parents might have liked it enough to name their first daughter like the old village. I wanted to see if BC could have another meaning and that was the result. But it might be just a funny coincidence.

Back to the job question, Charlie actually replied for an application that actually has not a great paycheck (during that time most performers were barely able to sustain themselves and Maxwell himself got some debts during his first years) and that required a cultured person who knew how to appear in front of an audience: during that time having an education was still a luxury for wealthy families and same goes with clothes dapper enough to look good by Maxwell's side. Her Shadow Queen's form fancy dress seems to confirm this theory. So the only real reason she could need to work is her living really far away from her family and that required her to look for any kind of job to be able to survive for the long run.

What do we know about Wilson? As he is in his 30s in 1921, he was a likely teenager in 1906, and as Klei recently said, "maybe a European USA Immigrant? We never really picked a home land for him." Thinking about this last statement, we can say that during that time that description could fit basically most of the American population back in the 1920s. They actually said nothing. BUT, in 2014, a fan posted on Tumblr another message from Klei that gives us some interesting information: these are the evidences that despite it all it might be legit:

I checked on DS and DST credits, there really is a Jan Hatchings.

The first thing Jan says is that Klei prefers to be the fan finding out about the past of the characters exploring the game: a nice way to say they are not allowed to spill too many beans. (I want the character updates and the new characters! I want to know what they are hiding!)

He confirmed some information we already knew (Wilson being in his 30s, the game being set in early 1920s) adding that he was living in New England at the time of the trailer: New England is the Northeastern area of the United States, it is bordered with Canada, three of the most important colleges of the United States are there (Yale, Harvard and the MIT) and there are a lot of woods. The perfect area for a lonesome scientist to live in.

He mentions his family not wanting to talk to him;

Jan invites the person who originally shared the message to join the official forum.

So Wilson most likely completed his instruction in the United States or he sought affiliation with American colleges, and that would be weird for a person who grew up in the United Kingdom, as he would be already close to some of the most prestigious and oldest colleges and academic associations in the world. That's why I think the "immigration" part might mean that he was born into a British family immigrated in the US and he actually grew up in the United States (and maybe not even Klei knows if Wilson's family moved in before or after he was born). As he had a nanny as a kid and, as already pointed out, college education was something that only wealthy families could afford back then, we can assume Wilson was born into a rich family that for some reason moved to America.

Like BC, New England area is pretty popular for its holiday cabins so it makes sense for Wilson to have lived into one of them. He was isolated, yet possibly close to a scientific center of interest like a university. Even if he bought the house or someone else did it for him, for sure Wilson needed some money to live in there and being a Gentleman Scientist is a risky profession for a safe paycheck. Quoting Wikipedia:

"An independent scientist (modern gender-neutral term historically also known as gentleman scientist) is a financially independent scientist who pursues scientific study without direct affiliation to a public institution such as a university or government-run research and development body. [...] Most independent scientists have at some point in their career been affiliated with some academic institution, such as Charles Darwin, who was affiliated with the Geological Society of London. [...] Self-funding has the disadvantage that funds may be more restricted; [...] It also permits the scientist to have greater control over research directions, as funding bodies direct grants towards interests that may not coincide with that of the scientist. [...] Scientists may choose to work on unusual projects with high risk of failure also when the grant system does not fund them. A scientist could be attributed the status of independent scientist if they work on such projects during a gap between two academic positions, for example."

So Wilson being a Gentleman Scientist means that he was the one and only person who worked on his own projects with no external funds from government and scientific institutions. If his research failed he could have ended in some serious economic trouble. He might have had some help from universities, but that could have not be enough. But it makes sense for Wilson being a Gentleman Scientist if his parents died and he inherited their money or a part of it. That would make him economically independent enough to perform his experiments with no considerable help.

But then, if his parents are presumably dead, who is the family who doesn't want to speak to him? It would be easy to say that his extended family thinks him to be a mad scientist and decided they don't want to have nothing to do with him. But this doesn't deny the theory "Wilson is Charlie's brother": if we take this theory in account, his only currently known immediate family members are Charlie and Winona. Charlie was presumed dead in 1906, while Winona probably got estranged from her parents because of her lifestyle and maybe even accused to have caused her sister's death. Even if their parents are dead, why Winona should think that her brother would be different? To her he is just a spoiled child who attended a fancy university and that probably spends all the day talking nonsense with other eggheads. Also her constant moving through the country will make keep contacts really difficult, so she simply didn't. Sadly a lot of people do it for even pettier reasons.

And, for some bonus point, Wickerbottom recognizes Charlie's Rose as a "Rosa Macdub", or a "Dublin Bay climbing rose". A rich Irish family immigrating from a country where uprisings were a Tuesday for at least one century would make sense. And it would not even directly conflict with the theory as the richest families residing in Ireland were of English descent and all Ireland was a part of the United Kingdom until 1919. So despite Wilson being a perfect "British gentleman" kind of character, the possibility of Charlie and Winona being Irish or Anglo-Irish descent doesn't deny the theory. But I don't know if this could count as a clue about Charlie's family origin as the Dublin Bay climbing rose was actually bred for the first time in 1975 in New Zealand, with peculiar characteristics and resistance that make me think that they might be the reason for it to be chosen as Charlie’s symbol despite its anachronism. And just because of this the thing that concerns me more about this rose is not the possible reference to Charlie's birthplace, but an explanation of how Wickerbottom is able to recognize a flower from 1975 without knowing what is a license plate!

3) The similarities between the characters in game 

One of the things most evident in the cinematic was that Wilson and Charlie shared a similar haircut and hairline. Haircuts are not hereditary, but unmodified hairlines and hair textures are. Winona looks a lot like Charlie, but she doesn't resemble Wilson at all except their being two light skinned people with dark hair and solid black eyes in game. Also, Winona seems to have a different hairline than Wilson and Charlie when uncovered (except in the Gorge's vignette where she sports a small widow's peak), but the hairstyle is still similar to theirs, with only one "point" out of three. However, there are even deeper similarities between these characters: Charlie is the "bookworm" sister, interested in the "mysteries of the universe"; Winona hates books and prefers to work on her mechanical creations with a trial-and-error approach. And then there is Wilson, who sits perfectly in between these mindsets. That was one of the reasons why at first I was shocked by Winona when she was released: when I already suspected that Wilson and Charlie might be related it is revealed that Charlie's sister is a work-alcoholic engineer with a weird haircut and basically a female Wilson with a tape and the ability to dodge. (Piccolo approves.) Their similarities could be attributed to lazy developers, but what if that was actually a clue of them being actually related? Also, it is implied that Winona was grown up in a estranged wealthy family and it is confirmed that she dislikes fancy things and formalities: the same could be said about Wilson! Seriously, there are too many coincidences to be a random chance. (And that, ladies and gentlemen was the point where the theory became a full fledged headcanon. But I am not related to Klei in any way, so this is still the theory of a deluded fan that loves to make theories and Klei will destroy it in a few days with the new lore.)

And what about avoiding Charlie? Well, this could have a pretty simple explanation, reflected by their body shapes: Winona spent the last fifteen years of her life enduring all the kinds of manual jobs, so she actually gained some muscle mass and speed movement that she uses in game to avoid the attacks of her beloved sister. Not to mention that she seems to be closer to Charlie's age than Wilson is, so probably they spent some time playing together as kids (and probably back then Winona was the one winning the fight game). Wilson is more of a couch potato and according to the official timeline he is some years younger than Charlie and Winona. In case we take the theory "Wilson is Charlie's brother" in account, it means Wilson could not play with his older sisters like they used to do when they were younger and this causes him to be unable to dodge Charlie's attacks even if now he knows who is attacking him.

Another interesting possible clue is the new sentence Wilson says in DST when he is attacked by Charlie: "That presence... it's familiar! Hello?". Sure, he finally met her so he can recognize her presence... but the choice of words bears some uncanny resemblance to another quote from another character: "Hm? What a familiar presence." But maybe it's just another coincidence that this is almost the inversion of the words order of the sentence of a certain uncle recognizing the flower of his dead niece. Or I'm so into this theory that I'm seeing clues everywhere.

And for some more bonus point, look at Maxwell and Wendy in game: unless you know Don't Starve lore all you could say about them after looking at their designs and reading their quotes is "are these two guys in the same Shakespeare emo fanclub?" Their quotes have a similar dramatic tone, but there is almost nothing that suggests an actual family relationship between them. They don't even look anything alike!

4) The identity of the person Winona was trying to save

We were told from the beginning that Winona went into the Constant on her own because she wanted to save someone. We were also informed that she is Charlie's sister and she used to work for the Voxola Radio Company, so Charlie and Robert Wagstaff seem to be the only possible options as the person she was trying to save. Or aren't they?

As for Charlie, she disappeared in 1906 during a huge disaster that caused a lot of victims (the event overlaps with San Francisco's earthquake in 1906), and Winona came into the Constant fifteen years later. Probably on Earth Charlie was presumed dead and Winona went with it, as her quote of the Tragedy Marble Statue suggests ("We thought she was gone"). She grieved her but then she went on with her life. In 1919 she started to work for Wagstaff's Voxola until it burned down. However, unusually for a character who is supposed to be canonically playable only in the multiplayer version of the game, Winona has Adventure Mode related quotes that even got modified at some point. According to her original Adventure Mode quotes we can understand that she was actually shocked to find out that Maxwell's plots were behind Voxola's fire and Wagstaff's disappearance. Then Robert Wagstaff might not be the person Winona was looking for. Two years or more pass by and Winona joins the fun in the Constant, yet she never mentions her looking for someone, meaning that she already found the one person she was looking for. If this person is not Charlie or Wagstaff, who could they be? Wilson not only could be a valid answer, but if she knew where he lived and she found the Maxwell's Door inside his house she even had the mean to reach the Constant with no help at all!

But if they are estranged how did she know Wilson went missing? Well, some newspapers or radio transmissions might have announced his sudden disappearance, or the police went look for Winona because she might be the only family he has left. And the news did not leave her indifferent, so she went to his place looking for clues and found out about the Maxwell's Door. And for some bonus points, if Wilson left some notes behind (and he probably did as he used the typewriter when he was creating the portal during the cinematic!) she might have recognized something Charlie could have told her about fifteen years before that convinced her that Wilson was in trouble. So she activated the door. We know how it went.