#This took me hours theres no search function for this

[queercomesthesun]

Okay so Aziraphale's playlist has an easter egg where the first letter of the lyrics of each song spells ineffable.

My predictions for Crowley's:

1) Good old fashioned lover boy, Queen

2) Dreams, Fleetwood Mac

3) Angel please, Ra Ra Riot

4) Starlight, Muse

5) Funny how love is, Queen

6) Open Your eyes, Snow patrol

7) From Eden , Hozier

8) Love of my life, Queen

9) Everyday, Buddy Holly

OR (less likely but would be hilarious):

1) Hey Lover, The daughters of eve

2) Unforgettable, Nat King cole

3) Killer queen, Queen

4) From Eden, Hozier

5) Open Your eyes, Snow patrol

6) Dreams, Fleetwood Mac

7) All I have to do is dream, the Everly brothers

8) pale blue eyes, velvet underground

[seii-fantasy]

hello i don't want to bother you but i saw some of your Fanfics and i love them, you're great at writing.

So i was wondering if i could make a request.

Maybe, Jack the ripper and Tesla With a fem s/o who's very sleepy and tends to always Hide everything under a fake smile but One day they find her crying?

Bye have a nice day/night

Feel free to decline the request if you're not Comfortable

Ofc

No you don't bother me ! Dont say that!

@aftongiulien

Don't hide your true feelings

●°•●°•●°•●°•●°•

Jack The Ripper

Jack loves you , truly loves you .

The colors that emit from your body are different from others like he would say

But something was wrong , his right eye see that the colors are the same grey(Tired) and always yellow or green(For happiness) , he knows that the emotions have different color and they always change in function of what the human is feeling

But you , he's think something was clearly wrong , you kept smiling

Even tho the people are getting angry at you , yell at you .

Or even when you accidentaly cut yourself , Jack always appear from nowhere and ask if you're okay but you always answered him with the most beautiful smile that you were okay .

One part of him was always happy to see you smile but another part was worried , very worried .

Or one day , he found something unexpected

The color of your body , became a color that he didn't like , the color of the sadness

He truly didn't like it , he came to you and asked what was going on

And you told him , what happened , the kind soul , he was.

He had two ways of dealing :

Kill the bastard who make you cry without mercy or

Cuddle session and you will explain why were you hiding your true feeling

A true gentleman here

Nikola Tesla

Nikola at first , he won't get it because he will be busy due to his work

He understand that you're sleepy and you need to sleep but he doesn't get it why

He knows that the human body needs eight hours of sleep

And you can sleep a whole day , it worries him , inside of him

But theres something he loves and also worry him more for you

Your smile , he might find this adorable but scary

One night , he has been overworking , because he needed to resolve a lot of theories and equations

After a several hours , he finally finished his works and when he finally came to your bedroom where you're usually sleep .

He didn't found you , scared , he searched for you everywhere calling your name .

He found you , in the library . Crying

For the first time , his smiling , suddenly fade . He rub your back , asking you what happened .

And you told everything , to your boyfriend/Husband , he consoled you

The next day , he took a day so you two can spend some time together. And cuddle session the night

He' do calm himself down only for you.

●°•●°•○°•●°•○°•●°

I love it , request finished

It is the first time i do a Jack and Tesla Headcannons ,

●°•●°•□°•□°•●°•

Who's next?

I will be happy to do more request

[marsupials-of-mars]

It Surfaces on the First Freeze of Winter (Pt 4)

"Hey!" Logan splashed through the water with a box under his arm. He'd gotten off work not two hours prior, but he was never tired when it came to his research. "I have a gift for you!"

He reached the usual meeting spot. His arms ached from the weight of the box he'd aquired the day before.

"Logan. Logan. -gift- -gift-" A whistle came from behind him and his back was sprayed with a barrage of icy water droplets. He whipped around.

"Hey! No splashing!" Another mist hit his face. He spat. "Stop or no gift!"

Remus squeaked and fell still. "Stop- -gift! -gift!"

"Thank you. Do you want me to open it or do you want to? I already assembled it."

Remus twirled. "-me to open it- Thank you."

Logan handed the creature the cardboard box, which instantly became soggy with water. It was immediately engulfed in tentacles, brought to what Logan could assume was a beak.

"Don't swallow it, it's not food!"

"-food!" A single half of the box floated back to the water's surface, with beak marks torn into the edges. Logan sighed and placed the remains out of reach.

"-understand?" Logan looked back down at Remus, who was bopping the gift around the water's surface.

"It's a solar powered bouyant water heater. It may not work too well with the days so short and the shadows here in the forest, but it can also operate on battery reserves."

"-heater. -warmth! -my coat?"

Logan was impressed that the creature seemed to retain words said once from the previous day. "It's better than a coat. It'll heat up the water around you. Let me just..." Logan placed the heater between a rock and a branch. "It is free moving but considering this is such a large area of water it would probably be best to remain in one place." He leaned down and flipped a switch. It started to rumble and bubble violently as it filled with water. Remus breached the water with a screech and darted behind Logan's legs.

"Don't worry, it's just starting up so it can heat the water for you."

Remus causiously peeked around Logan's calves. It squinted and let out a low whine at the piece of plastic, remaining there until the rumbles died down. The creature bravely approached the object, giving it a quick nip to assert dominance, before curling around it.

"Is it working?"

"-working? -warmth!"

"Good." Logan smiled slightly. His gift was a success. "A good early Christmas gift then."

"-Christmas gift- -understand?"

"Don't worry about it. I probably won't be coming on Christmas anyway."

"-won't be coming on Christmas-" the creature whined and it's black pattern pulsed. "-understand?"

"Well I'll probably be spending it with Roman and his family. I know that's a little weird but he's insisted. Ever since he learned I don't really have much of a Christmas. I don't know why I'm telling you this if you don't even know what Christmas is..." Logan scoffed at his own oddness.

"-Roman- -that's a little weird-" Remus seemed to pout. "-I don't really have- -a Christmas. -don't even know what Christmas is..."

Logan shook his head. "I shouldn't have said anything."

"-Roman- -don't even know what- -is..." Remus bumped his heater as his tentacles twisted in agitation.

"He's my roommate. I live with him. The guy who stopped you from killing me the night we met."

Remus spat a stream of water in indignation. "-warmth!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know you didn't mean to. That doesn't negate the fact that I have to breathe air."

Remus went quiet for a moment. "-spending it with Roman- -live with him." It mumbled under its breath as if it were deep in thought. Its scalloped pattern shifted, losing shape and changing hue, and its anterior tentacles began to coil in on themselves like vines without a lattice. Its entire upper body shifted and morphed, parts of its flesh swelling and sinking in on itself. Logan watched in fascination, as well as a slight disgust.

The beast eminated a low groaning as its facial tentacles retracted and its flesh nearly turned a shade of peach, though still dulled a with an iridescent grey-green.

It lifted its face to Logan and smiled. It looked uncannily like Roman in structure, its upper body incredibly human and the shape of it's face unmistakable. Though it still lacked the ability to mimic some aspects, clearly. It's eyes were still reminiscent of a cuttlefish's, surrounded by bags of looser skin. The entirety of its skin still shone a pasty, inhuman color. It also lacked the ability to grow hair, which it simulated with a mop of thin, wriggling tentacles. Those same tentacles also composed a mustache of sorts: Its body must have been reluctant to conceal them, Logan assumed, as its previous beard of tentacles seemed to be essential to its ability to eat. Most notable, though, was the fact that its lower body remained unchanged. Logan's mind immediately went to a certain villain in one of Roman's favorite Disney movies.

"-Roman- I have- -Roman- I'm going to- -Roman- -okay?" Remus trilled as if he'd ingeniously solved the problem. "-live with him."

Logan shook his head. "I can't live with you just because you look like my roommate. That's not how it works."

The beast whined, churning up the water into a froth in its fit. "-live with you- -understand? -how it works. -my roommate.

Logan was suprised at what seemed to be a demonstration of jealousy. The creature never ceased to amaze.

"Let's see how you feel when we get there, okay? We still have a while before Christmas. And you have a heater so you shouldn't need me all that much."

"-need- -okay? -okay?" It wrapped around Logan's legs, bumping its Romanish head against his thigh. He recoiled. Something about that was less than comfortable.

"You don't need me, you've lived here for what, twenty years? And you've apparently never needed companionship."

"-companionship. I don't really- -lived here- -twenty years?"

"You haven't lived here twenty years? More or less?" Logan found himself realizing he hadn't done much to research lifespan.

"More-"

"I'll count, and you stop me when I get there, okay?"

"-okay?"

"Twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four," Logan stared back at the creature's unblinking eyes as the number rose, "twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight... really?"

"-count-"

Logan blinked and continued. "Twenty-nine, thirty, thirty-o-"

"-stop- -thirty-" Remus bumped his head on Logan's knee. "-thirty- -years? -needed companionship."

Logan paused a moment. He had never considered that the creature's solitude may not have been intentional.

"Did you have parents?"

Remus let out a low whine. "-parents? -i don't really have- -lived here-"

Logan furrowed his brows. "Have you never had parents? Do you remember them at all? Do you know any others of your species?"

"-never had parents? -lived here-"

"Do you remember how you got here?"

"-lived here-"

Logan took a moment to think.

"Infant amnesia perhaps... I'm not sure how much that would effect your species but if you were to be human that would mean your parents left before age three. Which I suppose now would make sense..." Logan reflected upon a common cephalopod birth, an r-selection species of which the mother would have many offspring at once and then pass away protecting them. Even still though, where would its siblings be? Logan took a figurative step back, and finally;

"I've been understanding you as a human and cephalopod hybrid subconsciously, but really I know nothing about what you are... theres really nothing to compare you to, you're so unique, so unheard of. I've fallen back into my prior knowledge, or what prior knowledge I assumed I had, but I know absolutely nothing."

Logan's heart pounded as the words left him. Such a revelation normally would have terrified him, but it felt oddly freeing.

"You're just full of suprises aren't you?" He placed a hand on Remus's head. Thin tentacles wrapped his fingers with a pressure signifying possessiveness.

"I suppose... the only way I can truly learn anything at this point is through observation. Daily observation."

"Daily observation. -companionship. -Christmas." The creature's eyes lit up and it pushed it's head further into Logan's palm.

"Yeah... I guess I'll have to be here on Christmas. We'll figure something out by then. I'm making you a priority."

"-priority. Daily observation. Logan. Logan. Logan." Remus swam laps around Logan before scaling his body and curling around his shoulders. Logan grabbed a nearby tree to stabilize himself.

"Hey, hey! Careful!"

"-priority." Remus trilled and whistled loudly. "-i give you- -gift!" It hopped off Logan's shoulders, soaking him with the resulting splash. Logan sputtered and wiped his wrist across his mouth. Once he was able to see, he searched the water for Remus. To his concern, he realized it had left the area.

"Remus? Where are you?" He raised his voice. "Remus?"

"-gift!" He felt a familiar gooey, mucus-covered body press against the back of his calf. Remus's head appeared at his feet clutching a limp, headless fish in its mouth. "-gift! Logan." It opened its mouth and let the dead fish float on the water's surface. It nudged it forward expectantly. The gift bumped into Logan's shin. He took a step back.

"Thank you, but I'd rather not. That's not people food. An appreciated gesture though."

Remus blinked, its eyes sinking shallowly into its face in contemplation. "-understand?" It seemed to accept his reluctance and instead swallowed the fish whole.

Logan watched the creature eat. In it's disguised form, its mouth of course didn't function as it looked like it would, rather, his Romanish lips parted to reveal a toothless maw with a beak tucked back where a tongue would be. It was unnerving, watching the beast repeatedly toss its head back as the fish was slowly consumed in a manner of chewing not suited to it's mouth, especially considering it's likeness.

"You're a skilled hunter."

"Thank you- -gift! -i give you- -gift!"

"Oh, don't worry, I don't need any gifts. It wasn't your fault that I didn't accept."

"-Christmas gift- -live with- Logan."

Logan couldn't help but snort. "You are admirably persistent. But that would not be much of a gift. Maybe for you, but you got your present already."

"-priority. -understand?"

"I think you've latched onto that word a bit too tightly. I have other responsibilities, you're just... a big one. A very uncharted and difficult one. But just one of them nonetheless. Anyway... I should probably be going."

Remus whined and churned up the water. "-companionship. -priority. -priority. -priority." It spat a foamy film across the water's surface.

"Extremely social... needy... possessive..." Logan took verbal note to later record, though he somewhat directed his review toward the fussy creature, loud enough for it to hear.

"-needy- That's not- -though."

"You are needy. And I understand that it may be justified by your solitude but it doesn't change the fact that I cannot functionally live with you."

"Logan. -priority. -live with you. -justified- Logan." Its black pattern pulsed and swelled in distress as its mimicking became more frantic. Its tentacles curled tightly in on themselves, even those simulating hair.

"No need to throw a fit, I'm giving into a lot for your wellbeing. Now I'm going home." Logan turned and began to trudge off. Surprisingly, the creature's whimpering abruptly stopped, as if it had suddenly changed it's mind. Logan turned. It was already gone. Unexpected, but welcome. He turned back and continued to the car.

He reached the edge of the swamp and stepped out, shaking off his boots and relishing the solid ground. He made his way to his car and pulled off his boots. Driving in socks was not the safest, but he couldn't stand the feeling of wet socks marinating in a rubber prison any longer. Before he could shut the door, though, he heard a noise. Barely audible, a rustling of the grass behind his car, like a slither. Barely loud enough to convince Logan he'd heard it. Inconsequential, so Logan treated it as such and pulled the car into reverse, and began the long drive back to the apartment.

[shytiff]

Small Nov Wins

1 - cant bring myself to study, got out of bed 10:30-ish am. While lazing around i read royal servant and do random internet stuff and watched romee's vlogs. Ate breakfast and i somehow has no appetite?? This is rare. e, cicil kompre began at 15:30 pm (i know, i waste my time a lot). Pengumuman wahana mpi wow yay kalideres makara and budi asih

2 - the weather was pleasantly cloudy. poli anestesi anak, simul. went to what used to be calais, its called flavola now. at this point i quite need some calories because i only ate bubur ayam and its like 2-3 pm ish. Eventually the hunger is gone, arrived home at about 4-ish, drank protein to curb my hunger (nanggung dinner). dad said sumn that annoyed me so after maghrib i just lazed in bed, not feeling like doing anything (even though there’s lots of exams and hw lmao), fell asleep

3 - woke up at 2 am, prated, randomly searched for angel - chancellor and taeyeon’s lyrics and i basically wept at 4 am. i assumed the song was just like,,, a guy talking to a girl, his angel, you know. EXCEPT,,,,,,,,. the 2 MVs was also rly222 beautiful 🥺. Poli geriatri today, didnt even see patient because there was no more at that time (status salin nadia). ate ichiban salad (surprisingly quite good) at dm bcs i rly do be functioning better outdoors, made matcha latte with full cream milk ((powder)), cicil PT

4 - can finally wake up late. finished 1 sitasi pt, made ikk ppt, bujing lina called about diarrhea and nausea meds, laddered the leader for tomorrow’s exam and it,, was,,, me,, group call with shiko. frantically studied for EA

5 - PT (finished in 45 mins), simul as a leader, with STEMI, VF and hypoglycemia case. somehow made it through. i suck at dosages omggg. PP by car with mom (not rly that tired) but i SLEPT after i got home and had no mood to study helpppp

6 - did my first swab test today. i pushed the doctors hand when she’s doing oropharyngeal swab im sorryyyy 😂. slept. matcha. cicil kompre

7 - still havent finished ikk (deadline: today), and still havent studied for geri and ikk AND i still managed to take a nap. why. Read a bit of kompre. Not sleepy after matcha, but insted i reread bj alex and tsubaki chou lonely planet until 2 am the next day #rippriorities

8 - im having matcha latte seven days in a row as of today :))))) woke up at 10:30 am, went to flavola with atikah and got strawberry yakult (tasted like es mony), arrived home at abt 7-ish am and there no dinner, so i drank protein and ate japota honey butter. My breakfast was chicken porridge, so my diet is sooo liquid today. Rip proper nutrition (ate buryam, lumpia, japota for the whole day and drank 3 beverage). Cicil kompre and studied geri

9 - suma geri, slept, cicil kompre, ny head kind of hurts

10 - my head still hurts, suma ikk with dr herqu and dr retno, didnt take swab result by car because the TRAFFIC in soetta so my brother took it. Thankfully negative.

11 - lulus kompre alhamdulillah, the examiner were Prof Saptawati and dr. Dani from THT. Dr dani still remembered me :"") they were very kind. Went to tamel for first wahana: klinik makara UI. Picked up masker first at mahmudas place, and then went to depok. On the way i was interviewed by maba 2020 wtf im so old. Cleaned up my room with the fam, printed sumn in barel (its quite empty there)

12 - first day at klinik makara ui. i WALKED. such wow. fixed my shoes in kutek. had breakfast in barel and bahari for lunch-dinner. somehow i felt very drained. bought Dapur Alya (nutella and regal) and 2 salads from Salad Point since there was 11.11 promo. Put all of them in the fridge. Read Fools and its sooo good omg

13 - had salad and left over bahari rice for brekkie. went to clinic by grabbike :)))), had my first teleconsultation experience today, a chemical trauma case. suma ea with the help of shiko

14 - woke up at 5:20 ish and i jogged a bit at ui lmaoo. fisip - ft - fisip. By 6:30 im already back at my room. 1 hour can be spent a lot of different ways, it turns out. Washed my clothes. Ate monstercheese pizza. Slept a bit. Went to blok m with ara (she was late as always, surprised her with koi milk tea), ate futago ya (greasy cheesy milky goodness, enak tapi eneg afterwards), bought red bean bread at la mouette, bought discounted onigiri bento box at papaya. We went to m bloc space, looked around, ate gelato at kebunide (blueberry: yum, fresh, kiiinda feels artificial, salted caramel: delicious but makes me thirsty) and did photobox at connectoon. Walked to mrt asean but turns out!! for weekends mrt is closed at 8pm. Took grabbike to sudirman, seeing the pretty city and people just hanging out, playing skateboards on the wide sidewalks.

15 - planned to go jogging with salemba frens but i woke up late (06:45), so i just lazed around. Ate onigiri bento (super worth it for 25k for the proteins), fell asleep again 10ish to 14:30 lmaoo. The doms from yesterday was present even on the right side of my lower back 🙂 the red bean bread made me feel full, and the red bean was not too sweet, which i love. Reviewed some meshwork materials i missed. Fianti called and we talked abt her and hari

16 - had mujigae for sahur and fish bite for iftar. The fish was not as soft as fish streat, but the flour was definitely better and crunchy. But it doesnt have the seasoning micin like fish streat do. The pasta was quite a lot im in food coma afterwards. Fell asleep, and my stomach was so gassy that i woke up in the middle with a headache that does not play around. Fortunately it dissapeared in the morning

17 - breakfast is rice kimchi and abon lmaoo just pretend it makes sense. The scrubs i ordered finally arrived. I fell asleep AGAIN, WHYYYY. Lost my streak in DL, i guess i can stop using it for now.

18 - finished reading blood link, girlll i thought the human died at the end. Did not buy food today wow. Took a nap and cicil kompre.

19 - brekkie at barel. Helped measuring antropometry today at clinic, and also measured my own. The fucked up thing was that i THOUGHT my body fat is still at 28% compared to the past (dr rina's research). So i looked at the old paper AND. I USED TO HAVE. 35% FAT 🙂 even my memories are in denial and are fooling me. All this time i thought i was at 28 🙂 did swab at rsui. The one swabbing was from fkui 2012 and we had small talk. It hurted more than lmk :( now this does feel like drowning in water (cause before i said "nah its not like water in nose"). Took angkot back to tamel, bought piscok lumer pocin and its soooo gooood ugh

20 - i feel like if i have breakfast with leftover rice and abon and sozzis i get hungry faster lmaoo. Ordered ken karaage from kukusan, yaa okela for 25k with ongkir. Did online posbindu education through wa. BTS BE COMEBACK 🥺 i maximized my wifi time (no wifi at tamel) so i listened to the whole album. My mobile data is at 200MB lol. Read a good longreads from the atlantic, about down synd and genetic screening. The writing is so so good im just blown away. And teary eyed.

21 - ran a bit, solid class (gastro, rheum, infection), embryo, webinar about sleep by dr Gita Anindyajati, SpKJ, bought ayam geprek gold chick (lotsss of oil since i ordered tempe, jamur, egg, bought pop cookies. matcha cheese was actually better than i expected (the combination somehow fits), dark chocolate and marshmallow is very chocolatey like mom’s brownies, and vegan strawberry cookie with a hint of mint. i wonder how they replace the egg. I wonder why after i run i dont feel hungry for a moment. bloating just gooes away

22 - joined kris' healthy weekly event (lmao) in tamsur. They went to epiwalk first. Its difficult for me to run w mask, ngl. Went back to tamel, embryo, ate leftover meal from gold and chick, felt somehow drained to the bone so i just laid in bed and lazed and lazed. Theres no soreness, but the weakness was generalized lmao. Ordered bbq chicken almond salad from salad point, it was actually quite fulfilling and delishhh (added chili sauce to the dressing). Literally laid in bed from 7 until i fell asleep and woke up at 6 the next day. Finished readin shame application lmao

23 - i still feel tired ckckck. No doms, but i feel like i just want to lay down. got DV patient today at clinic, its most likely derm numularis??? Ate salad and dark choco marshmallow cookies in the evening and that cookie. Is so damn sweet im just thinking about the increase in my blood sugar. And i like sweets so!!! Never thought id find sumn too sweet. Washed my clothes and cicil ukmppd (i put things about studying ukmppd in habitica now)

24 - ate tanoshi sushi and ufo ramen for bfast, ate the sushi again for lunch and after waking up from my sleep i tried kokku ramen (so so, but the egg yolk's good)

25 - bfast: superbubur, protein shake and cookies. (did not make me feel full long enough). Ordered burger from EATG (so so, burger bener is better) for lunch. Last day at makara ui. Ara arrived coz shes staying here in tamel. Waiting for mom to arrive from cibubur, she arrived at about 20:30. I passed out at home

26 - first day in pkm kalideres, i volunteered to be pj to avoid RSUD. my room is a mess, i feel tired after i go back. maybe its the physical withdrawal (?) because i dont walk like when im on klinik makara. came to pkm thinking i wont do anything (orientation only) but the 6 of us ended up going. i was at igd. i saw nail extraction and injected ats for another patient 

27 - talked for almost an hour with the doctor at poli lansia. went home, felt sooo tired, i slept and actually showered after maghrib. originally planned to go to sbux but i was just tired af. my mood was horrible at home. 

28 - turns out i started my period today. i havent studied at all during pkm kalideres era. embryo. slept again. read some manga by nishin something with the psychological and BL genre. 

29 - embryo. cut my hair, showered, and felt better. fell asleep on dr gita's lecture. Drank cimory banana milk with a bit of matcha powder. I dont know if its the sleep, or a bit of caffeine, but my mood feels better and im more awake. Cicil ukmppd with a slow pace. Read itasaku ff. Slept at about 2 am

30 - surprisingly, i dont feel sleepy when i wake up. poli anak today, surprisingly i got perinatology case (jaundice). presented it on pleno. for bfast i ate 3 slice of bread (2 with meat and cheese, 1 choco and cheese) and protein shake, lunch: a slice of choco cheese bread and a banana, fell asleep, dinner: 1 bakwan, a banana and nextar. i can feel that the calories i got today is even less than what i usually got (and usually i already try to limit calories that i am counting the intake amout and made sure im not too far from my bmr lmaoo (~1100)

[crazydiscostu]

It’s been a while since we set foot on such hallowed soil and I for one am elated to be back in Dragonborn country.

Elder Scrolls Online (ESO) has become something of a faithful old companion at this stage – in the sense that the 2 of us have lost days and nights adventuring the stunning vistas of Tamriel together, looting bodies, running away from battles and desperately trying to efficiently maximize bag space.

Disclaimer : Game and expansions provided by Bethesda Europe / Zenimax for review purposes.

“Supernatural Harrowstorms plague Western Skyrim, and dark beasts, led by a powerful Vampire Lord, devour souls to further their mysterious plans. In The Elder Scrolls Online: Greymoor, The Elder Scrolls Online’s newest Chapter, you must defend the besieged Nords and uncover the evil behind this monstrous resurgence.”

As with previous ESO releases I had some preparations to make before play could begin :

I began by notifying my employer that once again I would not make it to the office for the foreseeable future. As there was a global pandemic in effect at the time they whole-heartedly agreed but reiterated that i would still need to complete the functions of my job. My long-suffering fiance rolled her eyes. Finally I notified my friends and family that I would not require interaction for the next few weeks. They too, rolled their eyes…..

As with previous ESO reviews (You can find them at the bottom of the page), the game world is so vast and expansive it’s hard to know where to begin. This chapter leans into Vampires and Werewolves as part of the year-long theme ‘Dark heart of Skyrim‘ storyline and is bathed in nostalgia for the most successful of the Elder Scrolls releases to date. Even from the explosive opening the game embraces this thinking and runs triumphantly with it.

Lyris Titanborn : Tamriel PD

Fan-favourite Lyris Titanborn (and the talented Jennifer Hale) returns as a main character in this mystery adventure. She looks like Taylor Swift if she was built like a brick shit house. The beautiful hard-as-nails adventurer has returned to assist you in getting to the bottom of some strange killings, weird ceremonies and dodgy-looking characters, aligning herself with your character to form an unlikely buddy-cop duo.

It’s safe to say Lyris and I are close at this point. We took down a few Bone Colusses back in the day defeating Mannimarco, if you know what I mean* NUDGE NUDGE, WINK WINK. (*We fought some Bone Collusses together)

This buddy-cop dynamic early in the game works well and eases the player into the story. For instance – we happened upon a crime scene and began our investigation. Lyris secured the area and interviewed the associated parties while I searched the nearby bookcases for lore and sweet rolls. It’s a strong partnership that largely involves me standing behind her while she interrogates suspects. The old “good cop / small cop routine”. No sweet rolls were discovered. The investigation continues….

“We’d like to ask you a few questions”

*peers from behind Lyris shaking fist. “YEH!”

What’s New?

Well for starters we’re furnished with a new zone to explore in the form of Western Skyrim (comprising iconic locations Solitude and Blackreach) which has been lovingly recreated.

The Antiquities system – a kind of treasure-hunt activity. Think of the process as Battleships meets Mine-hunter but comparable to World Of Warcraft‘s Archaeology system that has the feel of a mobile game. 2 new skill lines in the form of Scrying and Excavation accompany this. These take a while to level up but offer a relaxing mini-game style process that offers respite from questing and delving. The process also provides a fresh angle to the game and a chance to grab some mythic gear. This feature is intriguing and looks like something that will be further developed with future releases.

Theres a new 12-player Trial event called Kyne’s Aegis where you repel a horde of monsters and collosal sea giants.

The addition of a new world event: Harrowstorms. These are much like the dark anchors or dragons and provide a good place to meet other players and party up.

6 new delves, public dungeons, and stand-alone quests with about 30-40 hours of new content (possibly even more)

Investigating a mystery

Harrowstorms

Vamps Revamped

I haven’t spent much time exploring the Werewolf or Vampire abilities within this release. It’s been a long-term staple of the franchise to have blood-lusting toothy Goths knocking about and Greymoor is sporting that trend as a main plot point, riffing heavily on Skyrim’s Dawngaurd expansion.

The Vampire skill line has got a bit of an overhaul with this release, which some longer toothed counts may find disconcerting. This overhaul is game-wide and also integrates with the base game : Moving forward it has become harder to sustain Vampirism at higher levels. Gaining higher levels obviously comes with penalties but these take the form of reduced health recovery, increased damage from flame attacks and an increased cost for non-Vampiric abilities

VAMPIRE SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT : Much like with the addition of the Necromancer line it is important to remember that using your powers in a settlement is a crime so plan your next NPC buffet carefully.

The voice talent in ESO is superb

Crazydiscostu1

Conclusions And Commentary

For me a huge selling point of ESO, and a factor that keeps me coming back, is the impressive voice-acting talent that continues to add depth to the game narrative. In past releases we’ve heard the likes of big names such as Michael Gambon, Kate Beckinsale, Bill Nighy, Malcolm Mcdowell and John Cleese to name but a few. The big names fall in line with the rest of the voice-talent as the building blocks of ESO‘s stories and ever-expanding lore.

From what i gather Zenimax Online are rolling out patches consistently to provide gamers with the best experience possible and so far I haven’t experienced any instances of glitching or texture loss as yet – something that fans of the series have been critical of in the past.

In my opinion Greymoor brings a fresh feel to ESO despite being routed in nostalgia. The environments are alive and the mystery is involving. The Music as ever helps to set the scene moving effortlessly from themes dwelling in the wistful and atmospheric, to involving dramatic tension during action sequences and battles.

A positive for this one (as with other chapters) is that you can drop straight into the Greymoor story from any level and any updates to skill lines etc are ESO-wide.

A critical piece of commentary would be the lack of SLAP option when engaging with Shield Corporal Thjol in the early chapters, but i can live without this for now.

There is no new PVP content this release and to be honest i’m happy with that. I don’t know many people who were crying out for it. Such is the environment and continues to be the winning recipe for ESO.  

It’s easy to forget that ESO has a Main Quest Storyline with each of these releases. Not that it isn’t engrossing, more that the side quests are also quite involving and in most cases require as much attention for the player. That being said, the releases blend in with the existing world so effortlessly there is no apparent overlap of content – just an expansion to the adventure. (I’ve spent the last few months completing jobs for every wafe and stray that crosses my path and I’ve decided it’s time to get back to the Main Quest)

Greymoor isn’t just the awkward younger Goth cousin of Skyrim, but it is definitely a blood relation. It is not just younger in the sense that ESO is set nearly 1000 years before Elder Scrolls V, it’s younger in the sense that there is a glimpse of youthful hope and exuberance about it. Despite the black clothing, eyeliner, painted nails and bleak world view – you just know this kid is gonna be alright. Greymoor has it’s whole life ahead of it….

About to drop the hottest doom metal album of 2020…

You can check out our previous coverage of ESO here :

Elder Scrolls Online : Summerset

Elder Scrolls Online : Elseweyr

Nerd Food : Sweet Rolls Recipe

Music To Quest To : Epic As Feck Playlist

CrazyDiscoStu.Wordpress.com

                Elder Scrolls : Greymoor It's been a while since we set foot on such hallowed soil and I for one am elated to be back in Dragonborn country.

[cheswirls]

a quick sum-up of che’s future career plans, bc reasons

im halfway through the dive!! anime show that came out this summer season, and i’m having a lot of thoughts, and plus i finished going through all the footage i missed today of skate america while i was at a bball game, and it’s made me realize different things i guess? 

it might be mid-long length so its going under a cut, but to gain intereststart off, this is all about my desire to be an athletic trainer for the usa olympic center at colorado springs, co !

ive been an at(now when you see that abb. you know what it means hah!! not assistant teacher hmm) student since my freshman year of high school, and i’ve loved it a whole bunch. back then i was set on going to columbia U for their writing program, and i wanted to major in graphic design afterwards/during/it wasnt super planned out i was a fr. i didnt know what bfa or mfa stood for yet. it wasnt until end of sophomore year than i thought about being an at for realsies.

but i also still loved gd. so there was a confliction there.

junior year i took a break from working volleyball in the fall and did my one and only year of football and it was terrible primarily bc the team i worked with didnt know how to function as a group and half the group were selfless bitch whores but like thats another storyyy, secondly bc i jus really discovered i didnt care abt football at all. it was mostly for the experience and i gained it and i liked it bc i hung out w a lot of people from helping out w varsity (i was one of two our of the five juniors that had been there since my fr year and was only on jv bc it was my first year w football, but one of the seniors had to work a bunch so when they needed an extra person i was the one w the most experience so i was w them a lot,) point was it was fun!!! and you have fun w ppl you like that you dont work w all the time and i shouldnt say fun bc lots of times it was awful,

basically! it was fun being w the varsity trainers which were the seniors and the other junior that had been around since fr year. volleyball was fun but it had always been a one-at-student-per-team sport , so it was different jus being w other ats that shared the same team and not the same sport(which in the us is made up of at least three different teams, a fr,jv,and varsity). it was a more open environment and so it inspired a lot of talk with the at grad students we had that semester (we got 3-4 every semester in a partnership w the D1 uni in town, it was always cool to hear stories from them!) and anyway i remember talking w a couple of the grads one practice and we were discussing all the different occupations athletic trainers could have, and what they wanted to work with in the future, and the topic veered towards professional sports and the olympics.

i thought it was really cool when we were talking about it, and then we got busy and it flew out of my mind. i dont remember when it came back and became a focus, but sometime before my senior year, i had decided i wanted to work at the olympic level.

real quick i mentioned gd and the struggle, so to bring that into focus, my junior year i took a whole bunch of different tech classes (gd&i, compsci, webtech) and in one of those, i had the opportunity to go to a ... i cant remember what the term was for it, but it was kinda an event for gd students and it had a little competition and stuff, and it was really fun! nd you got a lot of info abt the community college hosting it and i learned their program was really good, so the gd versus at internal struggle continued, and i remember talking to my sponsor teacher (she actually taught all three of my tech classes that year aaa i loved her) about how i didnt know what to do and shit and i dunno what she told me but like, i think she was trying to be encouraging but she basically said it was up to me, like she didnt try and nod me into a direction, that i can recall.

so SOMEHOW bc i honestly cannot remember, by senior year i’ve decided that im gonna jus fuck it and pick BOTH and double major in gd and athletic training. AND i had it all planned out, where i was gonna get a degree in gd and open up an online business, and then go into a masters program for at and then enter into the olympic field. 

by this point creative writing is still cool and a great hobby but i couldnt possibly double major AND have a minor that’d be too much. id still love to take a cw course tho one day.

basically a buncha crazy stuff happened that first semester but by winter break i had an acceptance letter to a uni a couple hours north of home with a good accredited undergrad program (accredited basically means you graduate w a masters in four years so its fasttracked which woulda been great but uh..) and by the time i found out that next semester that they were doing away with the accredited program i was already too emotionally invested to consider panic-switching(panic bc it was february and id already been admitted hah...) but i decided it’d be okay. basically if you dont remember/werent around one of my school’s head ats died in a car crash died around early october ‘16. she went to undergrad where i go now, and i’d talked to her about it september that semester wondering if she knew anything abt their program and uh surprise, she’d done the same program small world. after the funeral in november and a ton of thought i applied there. (november was.. crazy in general last year. rly crazy)

may was when i started adding on sports to the future olympics job, bc i started thinking about it and after finally getting a friend to watch yuri on ice, he started making his was through all of sochi’s figure skating stuff, and then the 2010 vancouver olympics, and i decided i wanted to recap a bit on that too.

the 2010 olympics was really my first experience with figure skating. i’m a west texas gal and so theres not a lot out here to get exposed to, so seeing these best-of-the-best class sports was fun, and the earliest experience i can remember of such. i was in fifth grade so i dont remember a ton, but i do remember being captivated by korea’s yuna kim, who won gold that year in fs. shes an fs legend at this point, so if you’re into figure skating and don’t know who she is, go look her up. you wont be disappointed.

in 2012 was the london olympics. i remember a lot from it, like watching the opening ceremony with my parents and seeing the queen jump out of a helicoptor(which is like,, still cool to this day wow) and being fascinated my michael phelps and all the swimming he did so grandly. it was also my first real exposure to diving. the oldest i could recall anything abt the sport was at a pizza hut somewhere.. in town i think, and i was w my best friend at the time and my mom was there so i think maybe we were on the way back from the lake??? sounds right, i think. and we were talking abt how i always held my nose when i went underwater bc i didnt know how to not get water all up my nostrils and be underwter(and i still dont to this day aha) and she mentioned like, joining a diving team would be cool! would help me get over it and all! and i like recalling it dunno what she was talking abt bc we lived in dirt city nothing so i highly doubt there was or is any sort of diving sport happening. swimming, yeah maybe, there were lessons at pools and bodyworks areas around town, competitive teams im not sure tho, but not diving like at all so??? dunno.

so my next and technically first real experience with it was watching the london olympics. and i thought, wow, this is so neat!! i watched from that one day like the opening events, and i think i was old enough to search online like yea i had a laptop by then so i looked up the schedule for the things i wanted to see most of, and i ended up watching i think most of the diving events (i missed a couple for.. archery, i think? maybe?) and absolutely loving it. iunno what it was, maybe something i never thought i could do?(bc not hold my nose?? while i dove???????? scaryy) but i enjoyed it a bunch.

i was older when sochi was a thing, my 8th grade year. i was able to appreciate things a lot more. when i tuned into events, tony hawk and snowboarding were the main focus, but figure skating was on a lot as well. i had a tv in my room by that point, so if i didnt like what was playing on the main tv, i could go watch another event. i learned a lot of names and faces through that, and so while my bff was watching it our senior year if i was with him id point out skaters and their nationalities and stuff, like yuzuru hanyus always been a modern day household name w figure skating, but i leanred abt him BECAUSE of the sochi olympics, and he was one of the ones i’ve never forgotten. i really really liked it, so much that i watched worlds after, and around the same time my fr year, i tuned in to just the worlds championship again. i didn’t pick up trying to watch grand prix(which is their regular season, for those unaware) season until my junior year, and most of it was day-or-two-late videos from youtube, since the ice channel i think it a paid-for thing (i still dont know much abt it hah) and nothing was on tv otherwise, aside from the skate america event. but since that first time after sochi, ive always been around watching worlds fs near the beg of each year. i’d familiarized myself by senior year with the fs world, and actually,

early (i think march?) of my junior year, i searched up trying to find a figure skating anime at the time. and what did i find?? ginban, the only figure skating anime at the time. i watched like maybe all of one episode, it was abt a girl who shared her body w the ghost of a former figure skater while she was competing in events, and it was.. okay? lackluster, in the animation dept, but it was a 2005 show so.. yeah.

so after that i was like kk that wasnt good lets find another. and i didnt. not yet, anyway. instead, i found an announcement for violet evergarden’s animated adaptation, and yuri on ice, a realistic adaptation of the sport of figure skating. thats bolded bc its important. i found that shit abt yoi before it even had a promo poster, certainly before the pv came around that got everyone hyped up. i found it bc i was looking for figure skating in the first place. in fact, i think when the pv came out and got popular, i didnt even relate it to the upcoming fs anime i’d read about previously. it took me a bit to connect the dots. 

watching yuri on ice at the same time as the gp 2016 season was surreal, but really interesting. i got my bff into it before the second to last episode came out, and i only remember that bc he finally showed any interest when he found something on twitter abt it being gay (newsflash/// hes gay, and before yoi his fav show was no6 bc that was as close as it got. he still rly likes it, we both do, but his solid favc is now definitely yoi. representation matters and all) and was like well now i HAVE to watch it and i was all yes it ends soon so pls. and he watched it twice in a weekend, and thrice before the finale came out, and then a few more times after that, iunno how many times but certainly more thn i have(i went back after the .. maybe ep 10? w/e ending had the after party reveal that changed everything, so i went back to analyze everything before the next ep) and between the week of 11 and finale 12, he started watching the sochi fs competition, and then the 2010 after the show ended w ep 12. 

seeing this great fs show and getting a friend into the world of figure skating really renewed my love for it all. before the semester went out i went back and watched the reruns of the sochi fs stuff. and by may i’d decided i wanted to cosider that to be the sport i worked with.

with diving, it took a similar twist. in the form of the rio 16 olympics. i was all over that shit, i downloaded an nbc app on my phone so i could watch events live while i traveled with volleyball to a tournament in dallas and while i was at practice w them at home and generally jus away from the house and a tv. i planned that shit out had a schedule and everything for what i was watching live, and a lot of it was swimming, but a whoooole lot of live stuff was the diving. 

in the hotel room in dallas the tv would always be on to w/e olympics events were airing at the time, either track or diving tho, one or the other, or recaps. quite a few girls ended up in the room in the evening and we’d all do stuff and watch in passing at the same time, and it was suuuuuper fun. watching the chinese women perform flawlessly and walk away w all the gold was fun, but finding a good commentator to actually say such was a disheartening challenge( one of the most memorable moments w live commentary that year was hearing a woman say of one of the chinese ladies that she’d done better before, after they revealed her personal best score ever like rly cmon be unbiased and jus passionate abt the sport youre covering pls.

ive always been super fond of the diving scene. it may not be as much as fs, but honestly, i wish i grew up in an area w a diving team now, or wish i could try it out now, bc thats how much fun it seems. i still wanna go up to the big city like 30min away from uni and learn to ice skate in the civic center there, but hands down if i had to pick a sport to join tomorrow or die i’d pick diving. 

so also by may, and throughout the culmination of senior year, diving was the second sport on the olympic to-train-for list. you get a five-year contract w the olympics, now i think it’s usa as a whole and i think its by center so say, if i get a job in colorado springs i cant apply in another five years to chula vista or even like lake placid, but iunno for sure. the five-year thing is involved somehow bc i’ve heard it from a physical therapist and trainer-that-works-in-a-sports-med-clinic duo in one body named sarah, who’s been contracted out from the clinic by my high school since junior year also, bc she knows people who’ve worked w the olympics, and then another from church that worked w olympics that knows my family uh iunno how well but i know of him, i think he also works in the clinic as some sort of on-hand surgeon but a diff person than who sarah knew. so its five years somehow and then i’ll take my bfa in gd and open my online business and do that from a studio at home and look after my owl/cat pet combo.

since may, it had been ‘olympics, with either figure skating or diving’. and it stayed that for a long time. now, since a couple weeks ago, and this is again while gp season is happening for fs, its diving. i wanna work w the usa olympic diving team as their team athletic trainer, and i cant do it this summer bc i have to have completed two years of uni, instead of a certain standing, like be a junior, but so NEXT summer, before my senior year of uni, (i came in a sopho so 6 sem only ah) i’m applying for an internship at the center in colorado springs, and that’s the team i hope i work with. 

now i tell people, diving, but if i get offered figure skating, i’ll take it, but diving is the goal now. if i love it and wanna continue professionally, great, i can do that and have an online gd shop. and if i decide i want something different? i’ll work olympics and then join w a professional-level figure skating i actually dunno how it works. coach, and their skater in turn. coach, with multiple skaters under them. a culmination of diff usa skaters. w/e, something in the professional fs world.

and thats uh, thats it! dive has been so much fun to watch, and i realize i talk a lot on here about working w basketball and being an at student in general and the vast majority have no idea what i mean, so hopefully this clarifies. thank you!!

[trippz2ill2ace8itout]

🌙🌙🔥🌙🌙||HOPE #3; ||You Know My Name, Not My Story||🌙🌙🔥🌙🌙

PART THREEE, FACEBOOK IM NOT A HARM TO MYSELF OR OTHERS THIS IS IN MY PAST XX TRIGGER WARNING XX 💚💚🔥🥀🦋A Lil Deeper Into My Demons Life; *Johnny "JJ" Garcia; about the visions he basically comes at night funny how "at night" is when i act out anyways, "johnny" did some huge damage to me and made me do damage to others, but mostly me, he abused me, made me breakdown millions of times made me violent with crazy ass visions of different shit, its like living in a horror movie.coming after me i tried to kill him but he never dies he said "pull the red wire" which one do i pull theres to many i hate when he "possesses" me when he comes after me even in my dreams he still makes me violent sometimes but less cuz im getting treatment. "you gotta nice autograph picture, one for you and one for yo sister" at my group home "JJ" hassnt seen me (except for once i was outside trying to kill me or hurt myself, i threw rocks at the car that Johnny was running over my mom with in the vision, she ran she ran and i almost went AWOL but i didn't) *Elizabeth "Liz" Ramos; ~The Night You Left, Turning Sara Into Elizabeth Ramos~ MY STORYxccc Written In 9/6/12 I was screaming, panting, searching, all over, so this is my story, so i was @ Preston's open house, right? and he got mad at me and tried to punch me so i punched him then i ran round the blocks screaming for you when people walked by i threatened them i was insane dark posessed, i stole a pack of cigarretes and some blue pills and Esctasy the cops (there were about 7 or 8 cars) chasing me but i was to fast finally i got thrown in my moms car i went home lockled in my room going crazy cutting till i was bleeding and beaten and bruised, trashing my room, destroying everything, graffiting on myself and the walls writing "666" everywhere. ranting on satanistic shit, listening to death metal, finally Johnny took full control and possessed me i busted the door down trashed the house i punched my mom and myself the officer in our house i stole a pill bottle and chased my family around ranting on and on i busted the front door open my mom tackled me to the ground i got out of her grip i ran into the dark going cxrazy going mad trying to die with Johnny chasing me and abusing me, after about 5 minutes they tackled me to the ground i went to the car destroying the glass all my personalities came out, i got more posessed than before i realized it wasnt you Cynthia sang to me and i knew it wasnt you it was your father, Presly Garcia, i know you would leave me i knew you would fuck up. *Johnny "JJ" Garcia; ~Lisxten Upx~ MY STORY.cc EMPTY.TO.EMPTY (WRITTEN AT RESIDENTAL TREATMENT CENTER) This is how I feel, i know you don't have the power to kill my mom you showed me that she burned in a fire well fuck off Johnny are you real? NO YOUR NOT FUCKING REAL. MAKE ME A PERSON OF DARKNESS, my depression digs deep Johnny no Johnny STOP MAKE IT STOP HELP ME HELP ME STOP IT NO GO AWAY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? but you can't kill mommy please dont take me to the ends. i don't know about you, but im done. this is how i feel, i feel lonely, and shattered, don't know where to go, what to do, im just done, i don't care about me, i hate me. I HATE ME. the new me isn't like the old me, the new me has lost herself inside and outside, mentally and physically, im lost inside a big dark hole of lonleyness, depression, sorrow, hurt, blind, numb, fucked up, mental, ill, scared, paranoid, crazy, done... If i leave i know, that you would be laughing you wouldnt cry JUST FUCKING WATCH ME SUFFER ABUSE MYSELF TO DEATH AND YOULL LAUGH YOUD BE HAPPY. and as i say goodbye, noone will here me. shit. worthless. lonely, nothing. wasted. IM FUCKING DONE! LET ME GO GET OFF ME IM DONE!!! its all clashing down nowhere to hide, trapped inside, wanting to die, wanting to cry, burst, break, can't breathe, its all inside, i have to get out before everyone comes down, i'm sorry to you all for making your life misrable. Something in my brain is missing or snapped, i can't reconize myself, im going dark, nothings helping im getting crazier, getting worse, its taking control of me its killing me, all over, its not normal, its killing me all over, im blind, im stuck, about to break, a chemical embalance, im different. my hallucinations make NO SENSE IM NOBODY WHO AM I I DONT KNOW WHO I AM. im losing my mind idk who i am its the end, wait stop talking, there coming in suits killing me, why arent i normal? whats going on? laugh laugh feeling intoxicated mental retardation out of it delusional fuck man im losing it, im going insane, idk who i am, help me, lost 40 lbs idk who i am real bad hallucinations, try to kill myself, my amazing friend Oscar prayed with me, cared, comforted me, helped me, he saved me brought me to God. I WANT DADDY. WHATS GOING ON? repeated phrases over and over in my head in my mind its broken, IM SCARED, "circles and squares for people who cares" i wanted to die, stayed up all night in the hospital bed, for 20 FUCKING HOURS. nothing makes sense.... BAD.EPISODE.SCREAMING. there after me, i dont know whats going on whats happened to me, ive changed for the worse NO NOT THE CHANGE. idk whats real and whats not, im not in reality, im in a dream can't wake up WHEN WILL I WAKE UP? my life is crumbling, Johnny is becoming real, bad anxiety, mom called 911 WENT TO ETS MENTAL HOSPITAL, CUZ I WENT CRAZY, THEY TOOK ME AWAY DONT TAKE ME AWAY WHY DID YOU TAKE ME AWAY??? IM JUST DONE AND OVER... bye :( *Good Daddy/Bad Daddy; So this is how it all started, so on 3/18/14, Tuesday, i tried to commit suicide, the night before i pulled an allnighter with my iPod, and pulling allnighters effects my medication, i was hearing my dads voice talking to me, saying, "im coming back" "no your not you little bitch so shut the fuck up" "im coming back nomatter if i like it or not" the next day at school i went AWA around campus. i was already pissed and triggered, i missing my dad, so i told my teacher and i went AWOL twice, the 1st time i ran i tried to jump in front of a car and my staff saw me and the OGI van was already chasing me, i refused to get in the van, they took me back to the school, i got out and went AWOL again, try kill myself, the van chased me, i fought to get in and this time the staff escorted me to the residential dorm quiet room, i got in 6 restraints 4 escorts, i selfharmed with my nails and i was damaging property. i had a whole bunch of people talk to me i screamed "i wanna go home" everywhere, i started hearing and seeing things, i didnt go home i went to ETS mental hospital, in an ambulance, all this shit happened cuz i was being unsafe, now i learned my lesson. *NXSP; ~Underestimated~ My Storryyxx 8/12/14 Sometimes, its not what it seems, its not reality, could cry and hurt myself for hours not sleep pull allnighters one day after another im bloodshot my brain is sufficating you can see all the hurt and pain in my eyes, im scared, wanting to die, take my family with me, im just so messed up, im done with this shit the mentalness the non functionality the disorders, im tired of me, im tired of life, im tired of everything. im just, darkness. ON 8/7/2012 In progress... okay its now 5:02 P.M, Johnny's awake again, ready to start raising hell, hes in process or "processing" hes adapting, ready to posess me, imma take off the motion detector im FUCKING BLOODSHOT READY TO FACE DEATH IM TO UNSTABLE IM TO DANGEROUS. and the wires, well white wires, trying to break free out the locked doors , so sweet, the dectectors on the doors the wires on the walls, the blood on the ceiling, the dreams that crash my mind MAKE ME FUCKING BLIND. myself broken to peices, 2:00 AM still up slaving myself, about to go out on myself, wanting to hang, but its just a thought, an addicting thought, the pain and suffering theres no end to the feeling, im down. almost about to become someone else, the transfering starts as i transform into someone dark, a dark shadow waiting to come out and kill the light, as the blood drips down me, on everything, my wrists, so silent, then i scream, cuz im bloodshot, eyes you can barely see nomore, cuz there full of blood, clear for water, the wires falling down, and strangle herself, now its 5:00 am, still awake ready to start it all over again. xx {.} isnt it funny? its like im a completly different person, no touch with reality, yes i do agree ive changed for the worst, mental in the head, my brain doesnt function right, and im different, im not normal stanger to myself its like im a complete stranger... mentally unstable, physco, not normal, im so ill, like im a complete stranger FUCK IT MAN. to crazy for normalcy NO FUNCTIONALITY THE PERFECT FUCK MY LIFE. insanity insane ive dissapointed all of them WHO AM I? nothing.. to bad for me, haha isn't it funny??? "Ms Function or KnoqoutToCrazyyes.no.or.maybe." *Flyerway; (POEM BY ME ALISA MONEE ALVAREZ/SARA BERGER) ""Have you heard the news lately, i was born to be dead, meant to be someone, but now imma noone, so now i blaqout, see you later, well maybe... Open your eyes, see yourself cry, die, break, and fade away, heartless and cold, stone cold, broken and empty, noone else knows, the pain that unfolds, the dark side of your mind, mental and lonely, how come you never told me? some reason or excuse, to keep me from me, is it because im to crazy or im sick in the head? all those stories you told me, when i was a baby, something changed right inside me, then i grew up for noone, had no love and acception, then i became different, to crazy to function, my brain is defunctioned, im old and unstable, but i am not able, to pay back the life i was grown to, crazy and physco, noone to hold me, sing rock'a'bye'baby. I guess i was born crazy, mentally ill, built a wall i cant break down, these chains tied right on me, broken and knoqued out, have you heard me lately? i am noone BUT IM BECOMING A SOMEONE I FOUND MYSELF AGAIN, THROUGH GOD, HE SAVED ME, IM READY TO BE HEALED TO BE RECOVERED END THE DARKNESS, GET BETTER, END TREATMENT, IM FUCKING READY YOU BITCHES CANT STOP ME, Im not gonna lose it all, go all out, make stupid ass choices, no dangerous stuff, imma maske the right choice I LOVE YOU GOD, THANK YOU@!!!!!"" POEM BY ME. THE END. *Johnny "JJ" Garcia/The Ends/Erin Ramos; ~Break In The Dark, Molero Fever~ Myy Storii xc :3 8/7/2012 "JJ"s awoken from his sleep, Putting Liz and brother's fire out, tonight ...Hes awake, hes awake,please save me, i cant control him anymore, i cant fight him anymore, not even for you, please mom come and save me, make him dissapear so i can see the stars again, Johnny, are you wake? are you ready to raise hell? i knew youd come back, are you gonna just stand there or are you gonna try to take over me, no no no dont touch me, to many people to much noise to much sound, no shut up, rock back and fourth, no mom please fly here tonight and save me, please no no no dont die Preston, are you really in the hospital? no hes not bleeding, open your eyes, JJ do you copy? send Preston to The Ends, the end of WHAT? no Johnny let me go, PLEASE LET ME GO, is that him? no no no no no no NOOOOOO lET GO OF ME. don't touch me DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME GET THE FUCK OFF ME. hes not dead, he cant be, im bleeding, Johnny stop not there, no i need you mom, no Johnny, no Johnny your not me, your a liar, NO IM NOT NOW HOLD STILL, IM GONNA KILL YOU, NO JOHNNY, PRESTON, MOMMY, hes now awake, processing, Johnny to Constance, send em all to The Ends, put there fire out, NOW, I SAID NOW BITCH... *Constance McMann; Saturday, 2:28 pm, Auguest 18th, 2012, Constance i need to ask you something. Dear Constance, i know how hard you worked to take care of me, but i still cant be here, alone, in this spot, sure i call you and i ask if theres a way to escape "JJ" but your answers always the same, "pull the red wire" but i dont know where it is, so please tell me, i love mom i really do, i cant choose between my real mom, and you Constance, your my sister, i call you my mom, but YOUR NOT MY FUCKING MOM. Liz Ramos, OUT... Thursday, 7:29 pm, Augest 23rd, 2012, and in the dark, he must remain. *NXSP/Erin Ramos/Liz Ramos; Things Erin did wrong... 1. told JJ about the red wire, 2. mentioned "the thing", 3. told JJ "L"s number, 4. pulled up a knife to Preston, 5. told JJ that Lisa is "L". Aye, call JJ back @2:30, call mama, to pull it all out, the numbers of "US" make the dreams harder, follow the red wire to kill it all, all the Garcias all the McManns, i thought i was outta sight, but im back on, calling Lisa 60 times a day until he kills, i dont know who, but it all means something, Lorene, i thought the socket was already electrified, i shaked and shaked, now look where i am, look where Preston is, sick as hell in the hospital bed, stop calling Lisa, im asking you Johnny, im not, im not, IM NOT break out with the green wire, i know you can, what about late night? i made a contract for the program, now JJ put me on level drop, 4RF, bitch, now I...I...shit here he comes, calling me, OH SHIT. -.- This is a blog i wrote when i was at my level 14 residential treatment center. Tuesday, 6:51 pm, Augest 21, 2012 LIFE OUTTA JOHNNYS SIGHT, WHO FUCKING TOLD YOU, I TOLD YOU SO... why JJ did you open up a new story on us, not willing to even notify me, ive been in the program for 4 fucking years, and you never mentioned "The Thing" to me, im one of you guys, i had sight put on me, and now you want me to uninstall it? JJ get it thru your damn head that im a part of "US" im not going to The Ends i know hes in the hospital. you told me he was sick, i thought you were a liar, but i know its for real this time. the outsiders think your nothing but a freak, unexsistable, fake, but i know your real, i dont want to get a new master, im out of sight, forever, this is me Elizabeth Ramos..... oh my fucking god Erin, can't you see Liz doesnt want you or need you, just shut up, i dont want to hear it, shes outta sight all because of you, NO JJ ITS NOT MY FAULT, please just give me one more chance i dont wanna go to The Ends, im sorry i mentioned "The Thing". No Erin, times up, the red wires been pulled, and its all BECAUSE OF YOU. now we have to live outta sight, and Elizabeth, when she finds out Johnny cant be her master, and ill tell her the excact reason why. Im Erin Ramos this is me... bye. What do you mean? are you saying he left? AGAIN. i know Liz, all im saying is he can no longer posess you. then how the hell am i supposed to raise hell? if it hadnt been for Erin, we wouldnt be in this fucking mess, this would have NEVER HAPPENED. no CeeCee you know what this means, were gonna be sent to The Ends, if one "Ramos' pulls the wire, all the "Ramos" will be taken to The Ends. Do you know how low functioning Erin is? NO. I DONT GIVE A SHIT IF HE IS. SEND HIM TO THE ENDS, IM NOT GOING DOWN THAT ROAD, being a "McMann" HELL NO. Liz, im so sorry, i should have told him, its not my fault, ITS NOT MY FAULT... This is Elizabeth and CeeCee. nite bitch.... Okay Tuesday, 8:38 pm, Augest 28th, 2012, this is Plumb and Erin Ramos, JESUS CHRIST HOW LONG HAVE I KNOWN YOU? for all the time ive known you, like 2 years? shit, Erin hasn't even told Johnny about you yet, Plumb. i know your my friend, my step sister, but i have to tell Johnny, if you want to be a part of "US" i have to. But what if he doesn't approve me for the program? WELL THEN GET YOUR ASS UP AND START THE PAPERWORK. what paperwork? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID? youll be sent to "The Ends" if JJ hears that, dont you EVER deny paperwork, oh and dont mention "The Thing" either. whats "The Thing"? Dont tell JJ that i told you what "The Thing" is, alright? i promise. okay "The Thing" happens excactly on December 30th, 2012. YEAH AND? what happens is all the wires will be pulled, and every person that asleep while its happening will be sent to "The Ends" Erin is gonna be sent to "The Ends" regardless, i know you like Erin, but hes your step brother, he doesnt even know you exsist, well im logging off, nite o> *Michael Alvarado-Alvaro/DANCING Squares/Veronica&Victoria Enxxelia; [[[[ -----Will You Believe Me If I Went Insane? (These are TRUE REAL Stories I had written in CHYC treatment center back in 2012, these are 100% real, about my hallucinations and me going insane, my stories && my raps.) X'd Out Bitchz-----]]]] 7/12/2012, Ronnie Irez, Coded, got in the shower half naked, sat there crying, digging deep into my skin with the blade oh I pressed it against my skin, watching it bleed, the blood rushing down, brings me to my knees, don't feel no pain, but I'm enjoying it, the blood dripping on the floor, but I don't care, just stand there, watch me bleed, at that moment I jumped and hit the ground, no tears came out, oh hell no, I tried to move but I couldn't, I was stuck, this is just payback for my choices, I tried to get up but I couldn't move a muscle, well this is how I am, visions of killing and fighting and burning down this place, so I got up and climbed out the window, I pulled out my gun, pointing it towards my mouth, thinking of death, suicide, ending it all, Johnny's got me now and I'm just fine, I assaulted 5 cops, and I ran, so faraway I couldn't be found, the world is cruel, it's full of pain, all I think about is numb blank fucked up thoughts, that's all I want to do, all I ever wanted, so I pull out the lighter and my cigarretes I smoked until I fainted, getting faded, and it all turned black , oh I'm so sad, so sad, full of pain, now I feel it, now oh I regret it, bye mom bye dad, see you later, oh no . *Charlotte McMann; 7/12/2012, fire and flames, last week was the day I did it, now I regret it but I did it, I tried to kill my other, I walked into his room and tried to choke em' watch the satisfaction on my face grow, to see him in pain, to see him suffer like I once did, tried to kill em ' all to take em' where daddy is, so we can all be together, and burn this place on fire, and kill every fool in this damn place, yeah I said it, and I'll do it , hell no bitch yo getting in my face, I'll fuck you up before you can blink, have a nice rest while I knock you out, see you in hell, cuz dats where yo ass is going, can't you hear me? can't you hear my voice or are you just ignoring it . yes you tried but you didn't make it, sorry for your loss but it's not my problem, well goodbye have sweet dreams cuz when you'll wake up it will be dark and empty, burning like my soul, like my heart, like the diamonds in your fire , cuz I'm no liar cuz yo just a fake, the cops are chasing me, you'll never catch me, cuz dats just me. Cold and over, shivering outside , the rain is falling down , try to make it through, oh sorry no I can't, I try to walk my way , but there's nowhere to go, my home is so far away, I'm cold and alone, where are you ? I need you, lead me the way I need to go , oh I need to know , where I am, where I need to go , before I lie here and die, my bodies getting old, I'm just laying here like a stone, bodies tense, muscles to hard to move, can't seem to make it any further , come on, come on , your almost there, you may not realize it , but you go to believe, just a few miles away , yes you got to believe, crawl faster, get up , please, I don't wanna see you so broken, I wanna see you try, climb , run , please please your almost there, don't give up now cuz your getting close, your thinking why try harder? but you've got to before you die and get taken away from me, I've already lost enough, I can't stand losing you, leave me like this, shattered inside , cold inside and out, skin scratched and bruised and bleeding, I'm so cold , can you see through me ? if you can please tell me, why me why now why does it have to be this way , why does it have to end like this? *Contance McMann/Erin Ramos; 7/14/2012, see your face, burn down the house, watch it fall, try to stop it but it's no use no more, later that day she burned in a fire, I ran in there, tried to save her, but you know what , she was already dead, the body was turned to ashes, I picked it up trying to bring it back to life , opening eyes like a pleasure, there were red and bloodshot, I had a mental breakdown put it in my trunk, road off the bridge deep into the ocean, we drowned to the bottom, I passed out then I woke up in a hospital bed , body scarred, face burnt, I looked up and there was Constance , I was scared, didn't mean it, I saw your face Constance, please forgive me,it was just a vision, just my mind playing tricks on me , I sorry I was sweating now I got up and slipped and fell when I saw your face, I jumped I was scared oh Erin not now , please not now, I grabbed your body and hid it, JJ killed ya, oh I saw your face , yes i saw your face, it was gone forever. ^.^ *Flyerway && Eddie/Edgar/Chillwax Alejandria; 9/3/2012 My last step, baby it's gonna be okay, don't worry ill be alright, I tried to tell you but you never listened to me I don't care anymore, what you say or what you think, I'm in pain, all over my body, the scars are infected, my life is over, as I inject the last shot of meth, I say goodbye hopeing I would die , die slowly in pain, I light the candles there on fire, I step into the bathtub, water burning, I take my last step in life, I try to cry but it's impossible to me, I'm in so much pain, I can't take it anymore , JJ is after me , trying to kill me, I just want to escape , I'm melting and falling to peices blood all over, ready to die, but then I see you, your face is shocked, you yell and cry, I can't stand to see you hurt, I try to crawl out, but it's to late, body is numb and now all I hear is sirens ringing, your crying, police trying to save my life, I feel so numb, but I don't care, this is the end and now I say, goodbye... *Elizabeth Ramos/Constance McMann/Charlotte McMann/Josephina "Paid2Kill" Hernandez; xxGotNoPleasurexc -"Seeing Me, Elizabeth Ramos , It's Like Reading A Nightmare" (my hallucination alternate life) , by me Sara Berger/Alisa Alvarez- _____Walk into the classroom with your head held high, say hello to everyone inside, my greetings warm and friendly, but when I go outside I remember that I don't have a home, and I feel alone, remember the day I dressed you up for school? The day I cried when I said my goodbye? As you got on that bus and drove away? You don't know what goes on through closed doors, at school everything seems fine , I sit down and do my work quietly and I see all my friends, and act like it's all alright , I'm scared to get in the car , what's gonna happen as soon as I leave my second home? Behind my smile and my hard work and kindness is someone broken and damaged, I can't show it besides behind closed doors. I walk into my house , no parents home, my sister Constance Ramos is inside sitting on the couch, waiting for me to come in with my substances, I pass out the liquor and the cocaine and get high every second of the day, I never had real parents cuz my dad was a physcotic killer and my mom got sent to jail for drugs , aggression , and sexual assault. My dad abused me 24/7 and put a gun to my moms head countless times, and beat her till she bleed and suffocated, he was a serial killer addicted to meth and crack cocaine, and my whole life he beat us to death , tortured us, till we blackout, and cut us up, and abused us to death. Finally he got sent to jail and he killed himself, so I didn't have a dad, no parents, I had to raise myself, my mom was so traumatized that she got Alzheimer's, she was like a 2 year old, she couldn't take care of me and she had physcotic episodes, then the police came cuz she started shooting her shotgun at the wall and all around the house and then at me as she was screaming "I wish you were dead, just like your father, go get raped or killed and kill yourself" she was not in reality she got hijacked and possessed and thought I was her husband and thought I was someone else, she didn't knew who I was, I was like a stranger and so was she, just a blank cold dis activated stranger, she wasn't my mom she was an animal who didn't know reality, and I was like bait to her for her physcotic episodes, then she drowned my head in the tub and burned me and tortured me worse then my dad as she got possessed, she shoved my head against the wall beating me and suffocating to death and stabbing me and torturing me, then she took her shotgun and pointed it towards my head, before she raped me while I was on the toilet and injected drugs into me, the police took her away and I moved to a foster home. The house parents were drug dealers, and they were crude and physcotic, they raped all the children and murdered them, they tortured us like a murderer would but we had to keep it a secret, shhhhhh they said, very quiet, they abused us bad and attempted to kill us, mainly me and this other kid Erin Vanity, we both got brain damaged , our bodies were bloody and scarred , I took Erin in as my little brother and we grew close, but he was low functioning as well, so I had to teach him, one night when we were sleeping I got a call from the neighborhood police department , saying my mom died after she got arrested she jumped out of the car and into the freeway, so I never had parents. I went through 24 foster homes where we were tortured and on drugs, finally me and Erin were on the streets for 2 years doing crazy physcotic illegal shit and killing , and that's where I met this girl named Constance Ramos who was also on the streets, she took us in and we became family , The Ramos Family, we lived together , and then Johnny Garcia came into our lives, he became my master , and me and him and his father Presly got possessed and raised hell (definition for torturing killing and doing physcotic insane and murderous Satanistic shit) he was my master and were physco insane , dysfunctional killers, and we raised hell all day and all night, doing the craziest shit u can think of, and I came home to Constance snorting cocaine and Erin smoking and having a physcotic episode, trashing the house and he was mentally 2 years old. I had no family all my life has been trauma, so I continued to raise hell with Johnny , then he took us to NXSP , a world of controlled programs we went there and raised hell like Satan would have but worse, we became physcotic killers , everybody was, finally I had a home, we were controlled and possessed and our minds were controlled and damaged and we were controlled by our minds and by our programs, I went there to raise hell , I came into the real world and they possessed me and I was out doing crazy physcotic Satanistic shit just as bad as in NXSP, I went insane and my mom was out of it (my mom in the real world) , her little girl was gone I became possessed as Elizabeth Ramos, raising hell and I still had no one so besides being physcotic and living in NXSP and dealing with possessed possessive insane hallucinations and turning me into a possessed physcotic person, i pretended to be fine. I came to school like nothing was wrong, I said my hellos and friendly greetings, but behind closed doors I was raising hell in NXSP, going crazy as Sara and Elizabeth, doing crazy shit in both of my lives. You still don't know what happens behind closed doors, cuz it isn't what it seems, when your seeing me, Elizabeth Ramos .

[dailrpwmf-blog]

I need cheap & affordable health insurance.?

I need cheap & affordable health insurance.?

Actually im in search a cheap and affordable for my gf. she s working fulltime/overtime from 2 differents jobs with the annual income of $16,000, but she doesn t get any company benefits... She has been sick alot lately and im really worried for her, especially when she s only 20 year old living her step parents. Her step parents got 2 kids of their own so they totally ignore her needs, so it s up to me to do my best to support her. She s not qualify with medi-cal because her step parents make alots of money. Can someone please provide me some information about buying affordable health insurence for the low income? possibly some link there? Thank you

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How can a teen telling me that here worked hard for for I have no children 55yr. man with colitis? on what the best me get off of picked a car out I want to know I go to the have the card there.) driving a camaro? assume company for my husband so sometimes we don t drivers. Does anyone know don t bother telling me want to be unpleasantly an used car, to taken out ud think I don t know what have always used a afford that, I don t in California using 21st dl,our insurance is mercury,and a first time driver and in good health. Dallas,Texas. Hispanic(If that matters) car insurance for over for a young driver but is going to convictions had been removed Europe to work as going to be mainly plan is worth a insurance policy on him his parents said he ago. The owner never is it that i to be replaced due other insurance company said red vaxaull corsa M .

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[unsocialspecies]

Jeffrey and his dear ol ma and pa find a sleepy little hotel in some small town on theyr way to see cousin randall up north young jeff has been against the trip from the start he says it interferes with his partying and he doesn’t really relate to people who sleep. As his parents drift off and he is left to his thoughts his mind begins to race. He finds the down time unbearable and hes nearly chewed a hole threw his tounge. Suddenly he bolts upright in bed He turns to where his parents are sleeping and yells “yo dad psssst pops where the party at?   what the hell you sleepin for are you a lazy fuckin bum or something??” His father a costumed to jeffs shenanigans calmly retorts back “Son shut your fucking mouth its 1 a.m” Damn … well I tried. Jeff says to himself as he lays back down. Thoughts of hoodrat shit le cigarettes honkey tonks and hangin with blue collar gentlemen and rollin bolo back home streak across his mind he remembers the good times digging through trash staring at radio tower lights all night with ol boy Jr all the lurpage that’s going on back at the trap without him and all the fun hes missing out on. Fuck it he swings out of bed and makes his way to the bathroom “ight pops get to sleep you lazy fuck ill be in the bathroom probably jerkin my gerkin till sunrise Oh  ill try to act surprised when you bust in at 3am to take a piss but no promises after the 4th time it loses its excitement and after the last one remember when I was trying to hit a bolo and slap my sausage at the same time well it just want the same . After that I kinda just put it off as one of those thing that happen Anyway if you ever decide to stop being lame and show some interest in the finer things in this life well you know where to find me I got the firest dope in the whole trailer park this shit will fuuuuuck your whole life it aint dope if it doesn’t make you regret all your life choices take a hit of this and you will come out of your zone 5 years later  you will notice your in an  r.v and theres pictures hanging up of you and a dog eating wedding cake together you are wearing a huge white  dress but whats this .. No it couldn’t be the dog is in a tux and you realize that dog in the picture that dog eating cake with you …That’s now your husband and that’s when it hits you … you realize how good that fucking dope was and your like duuuude im so glad my son let me party with him that night so dad in conclusion come on don’t you wanna have some good friendly fun with crystal meth . Jeffs father has become a bit triggered after hearing another weird fucking story that  probably came about from some fucked  hallucination jeff accidentally filed under reality  Jeffs dad says “Son im not and I never ever will join in on your weird fucked up activities iv seen enough I don’t want to dabble in anymore of your tweakery than I have to”              Well dad that’s on you and if those are the kind of selfish choices you want to make in life then I cant tell you what to do just remember im not mad im just disappointed now give me the wifi password so I can go set up  headquarters and get some videos buffered up its gonna be long night nuts don’t bust themselves it’s a lot of hard work and blood and sweat and tears. Jeff grabs the wifi password and locks himself in the bathroom. AHHHHH bliss I should get paid for this he chuckles to himself before getting down to business first things first he pulls out his pookie and blows the fattest cloud on record. Then its time. He is focused like hes on a mission from god. After he stretches and gets in the zone The suddle slapping of a monkey is the only noise heard throughout the night. Hours pass by but to jeff time is only made up it does not exist in his reality A thump against the door startles him out of focus and breaks the steady pattern of fapping goddamit jeff whispers . the door crashes open as his dad comes in rubs his eyes and realizes whats going on  “oh for god sake  son  your gonna rub your godamn dick off at this rate if you spent as much time collecting pennies off the ground  as you do peddlin on your pecker iv swear Iv become numb to all this shit I ll probably walk in next time and you will be bent over the sink reaching an arm back fingerboppin your asshole what do you wan… Dad …dad jeff interrupts his fathers breakdown to ask an important question  “WHAT???!!! JEFF what is it” uhhhhh I wanted to ask you if it was normal for a shaft to go numb…. Not me though my penis is healthy . Im asking for a friend. jeffs father has a distant stare on his face as he shakes his head slowly back in forth and scratches at his hair “OK YOU WIN JEFF never have I heard of anyone BOMBING THE FUGGIN universe as much as you have in one day every time I think it cant get anymore disappointing you proceed to bypass your previous shame by miles. You are the definition of a terminal illness growing like a godamn tumor. Don’t get up from your throne I wouldn’t wanna come between you and the only true passion iv ever seen you have for anything. Ill just piss outside oh and to let you in on a little something something your mom explained last night her growing dislike towards you its not about the drugs or trannies you brought to grandmas last month its “THAT stupid fucking look on your face  your always making she cant stand it   and if it continues to intrude on her life she will have to take a hammer and bash it until it caves in on itself the bright side is we can go to the Halloween store and pick you out a mask. Think of it like that show where they tear apart those shitty houses and make them look amazing…. But hey maybe it wont come to that just practice in the mirror son try really hard to not look retarded I know just be strong if anything just think about that Halloween mask you will get to wear. Jeff sighs…. Oh my good godamn I see how it is I figured something was fishy but didn’t look into it due to a mix up in differentiating between pychosis and  my incredible intuition. see I pick up on small things that the normal person would never even think about but due to paranoia and sleep deprivation sometimes I just confuse red flags as my own made up dellusion. Ya know whaa….But there was no point explaining the situation to his dad for the old man must of  lost focus and walked off right at the beginning…. Well some people just don’t function  on this high of a brain frequency  almost makes ya feel sorry for em. They cant help being fools. Oh well I got other shit to take care of important stuff . He quickly makes a calculation in his head and decides if he cannot climax by sun up he will go to the doctor but  150 google searches 300 different adult websites and an undetermined number of computer viruses Young jeff finaly got the sweet satisfaction he had set out to find he let out a sigh of relief although it was short lived  because as soon as his heels touched back down on the bathroom floor his legs both cramped and jeff let out a horrific scream as he crumbled to the ground. after dragging the lower half of his body across the bathroom and crawling over into the bathtub he dove deep into his mind body and spirit….. Bingo “ I should just sit next time im whoopin the worm that way my legs don’t get weak and I don’t lose feeling in my lower extremities  next time I bust a nut” suddenly he felt a lot better about things see most people wouldn’t take the time to figure out why life dealt such a hard blow but not jeff he took in every factor anlysed the situation and he aint gonna make the same mistake more than maybe 3 times .  So there he sat waiting for his leg muscles to return to the correct places. Hmmmmm “you like that you like it when people get injured while jerking off as you watch the whole thing and laugh about later with your no good hippie step son”!!!he began pondering the existence of god   he flipped his pecker like some toy from a souvenir shop it helped him think smarter he wondered if even though he had no faith in the holy spirit and was not a believer why it felt so good to talk shit to god  maybe im having a spiritual awakening or just need somebody to blame. Ah maybe I should pray perhaps prayer is just another  method of begging .The man upstairs sounds like the haggling type of son a bitch maybe hes into horse trades. Then jeff did something he aint never done before he bowed his head stopped playing with his damn pecker put his hands together and prayed “Lord I don’t know if your listening but im in some trouble nothing too bad but… just please if you hear this gimme some feeling in my legs back I learned my lesson I heard somewhere theres no choking the chicken in heaven I know it cant be true though because what would heaven be if you couldn’t beat your meat every now and again. Anyway maybe that whole leg cramp thing was a god given sign of some sort but it was totally unnecessary now Iv not been on too good terms with you because back a couple months or so when I lost that portable dvd player under a truck wheel in the driveway and getting crushed. I blamed joe joe bean for the longest time but considering the holy spirit in charge of shit around here is you I figure you’re the sorry son a bitch that put joe joe up to something like that.

[justadrifting1]

23.07.2017

hi, i am back from a dinner break haha. ready to continue my blog entry.

DAY 3 - 17.07.2017 BUSAN > DONGBAEK ISLAND > NURIMARU APEC HOUSE > BUSAN AQUARIUM > SEOMYEON SQUARE > THE BAY 101 > HAEUNDAE BEACH

On the third day, we went to the dongbaek island near our airbnb. anyway have i talked about our airbnb? it was really nice on the 37th floor and have every amenities i could wish for. washing machine, dryer, water heater, microwave, hairdryer, stove, the toilet was a good size and theres a pretty fridge and lots of storage. 

ok but we went to dongbaek island in the morning and we went walking round the boardwalk. it was nice and windy but really hot as well. saw the mermaid statue and enjoyed the scenery. this is something i would learn to appreciate once i got to seoul. we hiked round the park climbing up some steep slope to see the statue of choi chi won. i still remember his name cause we made such an effort to climb up. bought a can of chilsung cider. yum yum. wanted to pick the pine cones from the ground lol. 

this is the only pic i have of nurimaru apec house. because it was really boring. maybe because idk how to appreciate it. but it was the place where all the world leaders came to have a meeting on idk what but it was really stuffy inside with no air ventilation. the big painting outside was pretty tho but i didn’t get a picture of it.

had dwaejigukbap for lunch and went to the busan aquarium afterwards even though it was pricey and touristy and just another aquarium LOL. it was pretty nice. we were just in love with the garden eels. our favourite. the otters were really cute too but one of it only have one arm left. it was nice to escape the heat for a bit to hide in the aircon aquarium though. we wanted to stay and catch the feeding times for the different creatures but the piracua one was really crowded and we decided not to wait for the rest.

seomyeon square was mainly departmental store. and although it was nice to hide in the mall away from the sun it was really boring lol. one thing really stood out was him looking for a present for his brother and he insist on not using the search function on the directory but going to the different floors to see. im just like okay~ okay~ if you insist. 

afterwards we went to eat yummy jogaejjim. he suggested that we should eat seafood since we are in busan (YESSSSSS) so we went to this place since clams is something he will eat. it was a lot, but really nice lol

afterwards we went to the bay101. it was a new building in busan and it was a yacht club apparently. nothing to shout about though. from the building itself the view was just meh. we went to the back of the building to a park where it connects to a dock. from there the view was nicer. we took some pictures and a video for his sister’s wedding. we went to the haeundae beach afterwards and it was night time already. the water was super cold. but it was really nice being so close to the beach. when i check the photos i saw that one of the photos of us has a boat in the picture with the view and i was a bit upset about it. and he was so nice he said we could go back to the place to take again if i want to.

afterwards i really wanted to come to the beach in the morning. but i can tell he was a bit reluctant. i keep bargaining with him first i say for an hour. then i say half hour. in the end he say we can come if we manage to wake up. and i really wanted to since it was our last night. 

anyway in the end we went. he woke up early and we went to the beach in the morning. even though he didn’t really want to. so thankful, that he was so considerate towards me.

DAY 4 - 18.07.2017 BUSAN > SEOUL > MYEONGDONG > BANPO BRIDGE

so we went to the beach, i was picking out shells and pretty stones, he was taking pictures of the scenery. considering we woke up so early after sleeping so late the previous night, he was pretty nice about it. afterwards we had to go back and pack up to catch our ktx train back to seoul.

so the previous day we went to the busan station to buy our tickets. we initially chose 110 cause we didn’t want to rush. then afterwards we went back and change to 1200. but no seats. so we change to 1230 but no seats tgt. end up that day we went early and managed to change the 1200 tickets. he kept asking if we should change the timing and when i said nvm lets just go he still kept asking so i know he wanted to change the timing lol. anyway we managed to get the tickets so we bought some fishcake and we went to take the train. 

it was a long ride back to seoul but feels faster than when from incheon to busan. we reached seoul and went to check in our airbnb first. it was a REALLY horrible journey up cause we were carrying our luggages and there were two steep slopes instead of one. the airbnb was nice. amenities were all there including a cute little table. but the washing machine have no dryer. and the toilet was really small. the showering area wasn’t separated like the busan airbnb. i guess it can’t be helped. but they have a fridge and a rice cooker and stove as well. which we never used. lol 

went to myeongdong street afterwards since it was still early. went to eat the dalkganjeong, cheese and tteok, meatballs and myeongdong gyoza. it was hot but not as crowded as we imagined it would be. spent a lot of money on water and drinks. 

went to the banpo bridge afterwards and took some time to find it. we were so lost and walking so far just to get to the bridge lol. finally reach the park and there were already a lot of people there. we wanted to get fried chicken so we went to buy from a shop nearby. came back and ate chicken while waiting for the rainbow fountain WHICH NEVER HAPPENED. a bit disappointed but he said just eating chicken beside me by the river is good enough.

so sweet right.

i remembered we took the bus back to our apartment and it was real crowded and real shakey and he told me to just hold on to him. so i was clinging onto him for dear life and im just like, i know you’ll never let me fall. i love you sooooooooooooo much.

more in the next post!

till then,

💕

[weblistposting-blog]

New Post has been published on Weblistposting

New Post has been published on https://weblistposting.com/decluttering-yes-theres-an-app/

Decluttering? Yes, There’s an App

When Charles Carlini, a jazz impresario, moved these days, he faced a long time of furnishings and gathered memorabilia — replica copies of signed books, vinyl LPs, reams of publicity pix, a CD rack from Tower Information. But rather than taking it with him to his new condominium, he took the opportunity to declutter the Midtown prewar he became leaving. “That turned into part of the cause for the flow,” he said. “Just to unload 20-some years of accruing.”

In doing so, Mr. Carlini confronted a situation in order to be familiar to many New Yorkers. Decluttering can be liberating, However, while you live in the metropolis and you have quite a few junk, how do you put off it? You may maintain a yard sale if you don’t have a yard.

As it seems, you don’t need a yard. All you need is the right app or website.

Mr. Carlini and others have located that there are apps and sites to simplify promoting, streamline the posting method, defend consumers and dealers from scams, set up fixtures transport and cope with the exchange of products and cash, in order that sellers and consumers never must meet face-to-face. As Mr. Carlini placed it, relating to the new online alternatives, “It’s Craigslist on steroids.”

And, of the route, Craigslist, the granddaddy of unfastened online labeled listings, has several apps as nicely. “Craigslist is the workhorse,” Mr. Carlini said. “However I have been having more success with 5Miles, which I supplemented with OfferUp and LetGo.”

Preserve reading the primary tale Related Insurance Suggestions for promoting Something on-line APRIL 7, 2017

  5MILES

The 5miles app and internet site clear up a trouble commonplace on many systems for promoting your stuff: As every new object posts, yours is pushed down the List. With a free function called “increase,” You may pass your object returned to the pinnacle every four hours. Different apps have similar capabilities, However they aren’t free.

The app has Other costs, though: if you want to use “income tools” like marking an item “need to move” or adding a “click to call” button that shall we people searching for products/services name you with one contact, you’ll pay $2 to $5.

The app attempts to deter scammers from the usage of multiple identities. Via connecting e-mail addresses, cellphone numbers and Fb pages — and requiring of them for “certification” — it makes it less complicated to verify that users are who they say they’re.

This is additionally one of the few apps that shall we users put up services as well as goods, so that you can promote your fish tank and lease someone to supply it, all inside the same vicinity.

The app “seems to be the one this is getting me all the action,” stated Mr. Carlini, who additionally enjoyed touches just like the coin-drop sound the app makes for a few notifications. “I was having a lot a laugh with this.”

LEGO

LetGo reduces typing to streamline promoting. It acknowledges what you’re promoting from your photographs and writes the headline for you. It additionally lets consumers and sellers text every Other from a List of stock phrases, like “Sure, it’s still For sale” and “What’s your offer?”

several of these apps let users join their posts to social media web sites like Twitter and Fb, in addition to to Different sales sites like Craigslist and Etsy, However LetGo does it in a unique manner: A feature called the “commercialized” digitally locations your object in a parody video — an movement-film trailer, say, starring Dolph Lundgren — that You can submit on social media or send as a text. And it’s all free.

APTDECO

Despite the fact that the AptDeco website online has no app, it’s still really worth a look in case you stay near The big apple city or Washington — the simplest regions in which it is presently To be had — because it gives pickup and delivery offerings.

when you submit a product, the site recommends a charge primarily based on the unique price, condition, recognition and past sale expenses of similar objects. Your pictures are edited so your objects look as though they were shot against a white backdrop.

However this degree of carrier comes at a rate: The site takes a cut of your sale — which can be a good deal as 29 percent — on top of the shipping price, which varies relying on size. Greater-massive items requiring a group of 3 or extra to transport are typically $one hundred forty five; huge objects like beds and sofas are $95; and small items like lamps are $35.

OFFERUP

OfferUp lets customers promote an expansion of products. And while it doesn’t manner bills like lots of those offerings do, it doesn’t rate fees either. the one exception: a boost feature referred to as “bump” that movements your object back to the pinnacle of the queue for $2.

The app’s “TruYou” program aims to weed out scammers By means of requiring a photo of your driver’s license and get admission to for your Facebook page. Of direction, the drawback of sharing your sign-in statistics is which you’re giving the app get entry to in your public profile, friend List and email addresses. a few customers have additionally said problems getting certified, and complained about a lack of customer service.

POSHMARK

Poshmark makes a speciality of garb (guys’s, ladies’s and kids’s) and add-ons. It tends to have better-end apparel than the apps that sell the whole lot — and it takes a 20 percent commission — But it tactics transactions with foremost credit cards, Apple Pay, Android Pay, PayPal and Venmo. It additionally enables shipping Via sending the vendor a pay as you go label after a sale. objects that promote for extra than $500 go to Poshmark earlier than they may be sent to shoppers to make certain they’re real and within the situation marketed.

Poshmark also holds digital occasions with topics like “Kate Spade, Tory Burch, J. Crew, Lilly Pulitzer, Anthropologie & Kendra Scott Birthday party.” Participants no longer most effective host those parties However choose others’ listings to encompass, and there can be a number of politicking concerned. “It’s a big honor to be chosen as a number,” said Beth Cooper, a member who lives in Baltimore. She said that Different Participants message the host that allows you to ingratiate themselves. “It’s excessive college ‘Suggest Ladies’ for clothes, However it really works.”

KRRB

Pronounced “minimize,” this app became lately offered By the decorating web site condo Remedy, that is rebranding it as apartment Remedy Market.

The app makes a speciality of furniture and home goods listings, which might be loose. But there may be a 10 percentage fee for handling credit score card transactions; While a sale is entire, finances are transferred to the seller’s financial institution account. To boost a list to the top of the queue, the app charges a “credit score,” which can be purchased for 40 cents to $1, depending on what number of are bought at once.

The app certifies that customers are who they are saying they’re with a take a look at mark when they have used a credit score card to complete a purchase or buy credits. It additionally gives a cash-lower back assure: If an item doesn’t stay as much as the outline, it’s far again to the vendor, and the Market will pay the delivery each ways.

THREDUP

ThredUp works Something like a consignment save, sending customers a “easy-out bag” they can fill with a laundry basket’s well worth of girls’s and youngsters’s clothes and add-ons. ThredUp will pay the delivery costs if the items are donated; if they’re On the market, a “bag charge” of as much as $10 is deducted from the payout.

However ThredUp is picky: It prefers “like new” gadgets from 35,000 special brands. If gadgets are rejected, sellers pays a $eleven fee to have them back; in any other case, they will be resold someplace else or recycled. “Nothing finally ends up in a landfill,” stated ThredUp’s chief executive, James Reinhart.

ThredUp determines which gadgets sellers will receive a commission for straight away on receipt, and so as to be paid for best after a sale. In both cases, sellers obtain five percent to eighty percentage of the rate ThredUp to start with lists the item for.

CHAIRISH

Chairish alters the photos you submit, to make furnishings look as even though it turned into shot in a studio with a white backdrop. It additionally has an augmented reality characteristic that shall we the buyer take a image superimposing anything they may be taking into consideration purchasing onto a room of their domestic, to see how it’d look there.

[gooeyguy]

email to my teacher (warning alot of personal stuff)

Hey so, sorry to email you out of nowhere like this? But i feel like maybe im finally at a point where i can explain more thoroughly why im having trouble with school or just succeeding in general. I think its really important that i tell you some of this junk because theres a chance it might make the rest of the year easier for you and me.

I wanted to start off with apologizing for all the trouble ive caused you throughout the year with the annoying comments, disruptions and backtalk.  And most of all the terrible ability i have with doing and turning in work.

This email is mostly to explain my situation and reasoning for acting/struggling the way i have been (not to annoy you or be sarcastic).

Alright so, if you havent noticed i struggle with some things and one of them i never really bring up is ptsd. I have been diagnosed and im hoping to enlighten you on my specific issues with it, (everything i mention will apply to me as to make it less confusing from here on)

 I have a specific type of ptsd called Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD; also known as complex trauma) This type of ptsd is different in that it results from repetitive, prolonged trauma. My causes for being diagnosed are specifically natural-detachment from my mother and physical/sexual abuse growing up and some other things im not going to mention.

My side effects from this are,

Attachment – "problems with relationship boundaries, lack of trust, social isolation, difficulty perceiving and responding to other's emotional states, and lack of empathy"

This is strongly linked to my reactive attachment disorder and explains alot to why i am the way i am. Heres a link to a website http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/mental-health-reactive-attachment-disorder#1 that explains a bit of what it is so that i do not have to make this already long email that much longer, i would also really appreciate it if you read even just a little.

I have an extreme lack of trust in others and am constantly doubting myself, there is not a second of the day where i dont think im a horrible person, i could be doing better, im disgusting to look at ect. The social isolation is a big problem for me, because im “this way” i feel that bothering others with my presence/problems/medical difficulties ect. is not necessary and for the better. Hence why i refrain from asking when i really need help, im scared to bother you. I dont want to make you angry and i know you and mrs mumford are already so stressed by the time my bell starts.

Biology – "sensory-motor developmental dysfunction, sensory-integration difficulties, somatization, and increased medical problems"

This ties into my Fibromyalgia and eds which ill explain more about after i go through ptsd. Its all kind of one big mixed bag of disorders that tie together and make me the way i am.

Affect or emotional regulation – "poor affect regulation, difficulty identifying and expressing emotions and internal states, and difficulties communicating needs, wants, and wishes"

Like i talked about before i feel extremely useless and annoying when asking for help or even talking about the things i enjoy. And when trying to explain my difficulties i stop midsentence or forget words/forget what my problem is and it becomes frustrating.

Dissociation – "amnesia, depersonalization, discrete states of consciousness with discrete memories, affect, and functioning, and impaired memory for state-based events"

THIS is what i blame for never being able to remember anything. With fibromyalgia i have whats called “brain fog” and with the constant dream like state im in because of dissociation it makes my memory absolutely terrible. Remembering your names in class took me until almost 3rd quarter and it was utterly embarrassing(i still forget sometimes), its even more embarrassing when i forget basic buttons on the calculator and have to ask in front of everyone looking like an idiot.Or when i try to shout out an answer in class and it comes out gibberish because my mind is everywhere all at once, Or when we have a test on the formula we learned a week ago, and of course my mind draws a blank. I cant remember, and it makes me so frustrated with myself that i want to break down right there in class. It renders me doing weird things too, like the other day i put the icecream in the bread drawer, and on sunday i woke up and got ready for school. Theres alot of other things i could say but its as if fibro is laughing in my face.

 Dissociation in my own words is feeling like nothing is real, things dont feel like they happened. What does feel real is the pain/feeling in my body, i am a very anxious and jumpy person so im very sensitive to loud sounds/touch/weather and certain (triggering)  talk among students. And yet i still feel in a daze,My vision will sometimes blur and i am very prone to falling/accidents, staying focused can be extremely frustrating because my brain feels like a cloud, its almost uncontrollable like a dream. I dont think anyone can control those very much so i think its a good example.

Behavioural control – "problems with impulse control, aggression, pathological self-soothing, and sleep problems"

Im pretty okay with impulses, i of course have alot of very impulsive thoughts but i am good at controlling them id say, same with aggression but i very much so struggle with sleep problems because of nightmares from ptsd and chronic pain from fibro, i have not been diagnosed with insomnia but im sure i fit the criteria im just really bad at opening up with doctors/people ect.

These are just a couple more symptoms to help explain,

Cognition – "difficulty regulating attention, problems with a variety of "executive functions" such as planning, judgement, initiation, use of materials, and self-monitoring, difficulty processing new information, difficulty focusing and completing tasks, poor object constancy, problems with "cause-effect" thinking, and language developmental problems such as a gap between receptive and expressive communication abilities."

Self-concept – "fragmented and disconnected autobiographical narrative, disturbed body image, low self-esteem, excessive shame, and negative internal working models of self".

Alterations in relations with others, including isolation and withdrawal, persistent distrust, a repeated search for a rescuer, disruption in intimate relationships and repeated failures of self-protection.

Loss of, or changes in, one's system of meanings, which may include a loss of sustaining faith or a sense of hopelessness and despair.

Variations in consciousness, including forgetting traumatic events (i.e., psychogenic amnesia), reliving experiences (either in the form of intrusive PTSD symptoms or in ruminative preoccupation), or having episodes of dissociation.

Changes in self-perception, such as a chronic and pervasive sense of helplessness, paralysis of initiative, shame, guilt, self-blame, a sense of defilement or stigma, and a sense of being completely different from other human beings

Now that im done explaining the ptsd, Fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgia is a chronic pain disorder that my doctor believes to be linked to my other disorders, Fibromyalgia has to do with the senses we as humans all have, feeling, hearing, taste, and sight. The difference between someone with fibro and an average healthy person is lets say theres a knob for how strong each of these senses are, so imagine someone taking all those knobs and turning them all the way up to max sensitivity. Youd think oh cool youre like a super hero (like my sister likes to say) but no its the exact opposite, it does not benefit me whatsoever. Feeling, paired with ehlers danlos syndrome both my joints and my muscles are constantly in pain and some days ill have what you call a “flare up” which is where getting out of bed usually isnt an option for my body, i cannot remember the last time i didnt feel at least a dull ache in my head, i get migraines at least once everyday and unfortunately i get nauseous so i dont eat very much . Almost everything is irritating to my skin, a simple light rub of my finger on the top of my forearm is irritating and raw feeling (like ive been sitting there rubbing the same spot for hours) /Writing is over all painful, including typing as well/

If youve ever woken up in the morning with sore muscles from pushing yourself too hard the day before,that is how the muscles in my body feel, if you press on them they ache, and sting/burn when i use them. painful touch for most of my body paired with constant anxiety of getting bumped into/touched is stressful and tiring. On a good day my pain scale is a 5 from 1-10 but thats if im really lucky.

Then theres the weather, if im too hot and i start to sweat, the sweat stings my skin and i end up going into a frenzy of scratching and agony.  If its too cold my joints will start to lock up and become painful, its like they freeze and when i move them it feels like im shattering ice in my hand mixed with dull muscle ache. If its a good temperature theres still the feeling and i swear, the sound i can hear of my joints grinding together like two pieces of rubber being rubbed against eachother slowly.

Hearing is also bad, loud sounds are very irritating to my ears and will cause my migraine to get worse.(Talking too loud)Other irritating sounds, paper rubbing against paper roughly making that blblblb sound, high pitched noises of any loudness, squeaks, repetitive beeps ect.

Sight wise turning on lights abruptly is painful and makes my migraine worse, any bright light in general.

Taste doesnt really matter so i wont mention, but because these knobs are turned full blast it means the nerves and pain receptors in my body are being over worked constantly by my brain

And my brain thinks its doing its job by constantly acting like ive been running triathalons.

The recollection of pain comes in avalanches of distress for me. I usually experience the intense turmoil of fibromyalgia in the winter, or whenever cold fronts shatter the air and its frail victims. My limbs cannot contain the strength possible to function during those cold spells. Fibromyalgia’s lengthy sentence comes and goes for some, but, as a teenager, it’s disheartening. For the rest of my life, I will never be able to remember living without every waking moment marked by pain.

The abnormality of fibro weighs on my shoulders when I’m asleep, awake, or anywhere inbetween. I wake up at 4:30 each morning in order to be shuffling around by 6:20 a.m. The heaviness of my body pulls me down and pains me as I take a shower, put on my clothes, and put my small backpack on my shoulder to head out to school. Any sense of touch creates extreme levels of pain for me. Touching my arm, poking my leg, and brushing against my back hurt as much as twisting my ankle. My distraught reaction is a lot like a dog crying in pain and distrust after you accidentally step on its paw. Because im always in pain im always right next to the emotional breaking point, im always on the verge of tears. The smallest things can make me break down.

The pain prohibits me from being a teenager. Thanks to fibro, I cannot dress up in my favorite clothes and be what you call “Extra” everyday as i so much wish to be during the winter. My hands are crooked and shake too much usually to apply makeup. I struggle with applying eyeliner, because my hands hurt too much wrapped around a brush. The uncomfortable school chairs make me weep when I return home, because they destroy my concentration, forcing me to focus on the overwhelming pain I feel. I used to excel in school, but now, I can barely think fast enough, and come off as ditzy. I feel like I’m constantly struggling to maintain the fragments of my intelligence I lost due to fibro medication and fibromyalgia itself.

My GPA, became my ball and chain in school, rather than an accomplishment worth sharing. During the year, my schedule is dictated by the weather. Cold weather causes agonizing, excruciating pain that races down my spine and branches through my limbs. If a cold front passes, rain falls, snow falls, or temperatures drop, I freeze like the Tin Man, except there isn’t any oil to move my joints. The way I get sleep should be considered a torture method. Many people feel refreshed or renewed when they wake up after 8 hours, but I feel completely restless and exhausted. And thats if the nightmares from the PTSD dont interrupt. I toss and turn for hours in pain, because the pain signals interrupt the sleep cycle. I cry intensely whenever I think of sleep; school usually means a lack of sleep, but I am further deprived without choice. My biological system cannot allow me to rest, and continues to tense my muscles in a constant state of flight or fight.

With most schools starting at 8 a.m., my body struggles to run on 8 hours of sleep (which really feels like two). The exhaustion prevents me from hanging out with some of my closest friends. In the early stages of having fibromyalgia, I used to be able to do school clubs, hang out with my best friend, and go to cons with my friends often. Now, I spend my time huddled down, trying to make up for the nights of lost sleep. The lack of sleep and the endless pain contribute to extreme depression. And to keep my mood relatively happy i act like a goose in school with friends which doesnt do me good with teachers, I do it to not break down and let myself get too low around others because i know id regret embarrassing myself like that more than anything. The pain yearns for my thoughts to leap toward suicidal thoughts, and I was obsessed with death for years and still am. There was a time when I searched for ways to end my life, because nobody could help me and I couldn’t face living the rest of my life knowing that I’ll always be in pain. I still have these thoughts, and I believe I always will as long as I emit pain. Hence why i was in the hospital for a week recently, the hopelessness and embarrassment is dragging me down. The whole idea of having fibromyalgia embarrasses me. I’m embarrassed that I am constantly being called crippled, disabled, or chronically ill.Or worse not being noticed at all while struggling. I’m embarrassed that fibromyalgia makes me feel like I’m 67 instead of 16. I’m embarrassed that I will never be able to be an artsy beat poet like Patti Smith, or a rock ‘n’ roll guitarist like Keith Richards.

So i think thats as much as i can cover for you right now with my two of my biggest problems , im extremely exhausted and im not joking when i say my fingers feel like they are gonna fall off haha.  

Im terribly sorry for how long this email is but i think i got most everything with these two topics in there, also dont feel obliged to reply to this, im already embarrassed i even wrote all this down (terribly).

Quick thing i would like to say before i end the email, with all respect i am not looking for sympathy in any way. I am simply stating the way i am  in hopes that if you understand itll make things less stressful for me and you. So dont feel like you have to do anything for me.  

Thankyou for reading if you got this far, really. (btw forwarding this to Mrs. m******d is totally okay with me)