#This the thing i was struggling to draw the other day. btw. for some reason ???????? brain was broken plain and simple

[todayisafridaynight]

and if i say hehe

[kaddyssammlung]

Twitter "gang" is acting out...again. About the purpose of art / freedom of artists

TW: self-harm (not mine of course but Vessel's)

Twitter gang is ripping each other's heads off because some artists out there make choices that they don't agree with.

Let's leave it at that for now.

I just read that “art is supposed to be comforting”. I find this confusing and also I don't agree. I don't know much about art (in that case it's about drawing). Sometimes I look at fan art and it really is nice and comforting and I just like looking at it. But other Sleep Token fanart I find provocative or even triggering. I see nothing wrong with that in general. It should be an artists choice to portray Vessel however they want to do portray him. Twitter gang has no problem with overly sexual depictions of Vessel and the other guys but someone draws Vessel with his scars and then Sleep Token Twitter goes wild. What the?! And also there is not one purpose of art in my opinion. It can have so many.

“It's overstepping boundaries and also not being protective of Vessel...?” What...?!

How we see someone influences them btw. If you look at Vessel and think of him as a weak human that needs your protection then you actually “make” him weak.

I see him as someone who struggled but found his strength. He does not need my protection. I learned and grew a lot over the past years and the reason for that was all the past trauma that I finally started to resolve. If someone out there looks at me like some weak creature it would make me feel weak.

Something else....it was also said that everyone (especially the ones who struggled with self-harm themselves) agreed that it's not okay to talk about self-harm?!

Hmm....pretending bad things don't exist does not make them go away!

And also I had a lot of conversations ever since starting this tumblr about that topic and also I have always written about it, from the very start and no one ever came at me for it. It was the opposite.

I'm sorry but I'm not going to shut up for anyone's comfort. I do hide posts like these because I want it to be your choice if you read about these topics. Some days I would not want to read my own stuff because it's too triggering. But I won't be silenced. I mean of course talking about this topic in a respectful way!

And also I'd rather have someone come talk to me or open up about their struggles then make them feel like they are wrong for how they feel.

This topic is arleady being so misunderstood and having some sort of "thought control" about that topic is not helping at all.

Whatever...I keep forgetting that so many fans are still quite young and not some close to 40 year old women. I am responible for my employees (and also tenants but I never talk about that). And idk...maybe I learned a thing or two over the years. You know...make mistakes and then learn from them and move on and things like that. Life-experience is the word that I'm looking for. They probably don't have as much as I do but I can't hold that agains them.

[musicalmoritz]

Though on genderswap Mitsukou? What would their characters belike both appearance and personality wise?

Yuri Mitsukou!! I love this question

So awhile back I posted smth like “no fem4masc Yuri Mitsukou it has to be masc4masc” which like. I don’t really agree with anymore. I like that in canon one of them is feminine while the other is masculine and it’s not really done in a stereotypical way. Fandoms make a really big deal about people feminizing male characters- and for good reason, it does happen a lot. But that gets taken to the point that they end up unintentionally reinforcing traditional gender roles. “How dare you draw that man in a skirt” or “that male character would never cry.” It’s also weird to me that I never see the same defense given to female characters being masculinized, so it ends up feeling like a lot of fans just hate femininity. So when a male character is feminine and seemingly likes masc dudes but has one of the loudest personalities in the manga, I think it’s pretty neat. Ofc there are fans that are weirdly against calling Mitsuba feminine but I already blocked most of them so idk what they have to say

(I could talk more in-depth about how fans are so worried about feminizing Mitsuba that they erase all the soft parts of his personality and make him one-dimensional but I’ll hold my tongue)

However, with fem!Mitsuba things are usually portrayed differently. Since dude Mitsuba’s initial conflict was being bullied for looking like a girl, most people say that the reverse would be girl Mitsuba being bullied for looking like a dude. This is fine but we also have to keep in mind that the entire gag of Mitsuba’s character is that he looks feminine but has an unfiltered personality, based on his looks you would never expect him to act that way. So if girl Mitsuba looks boyish, does that mean her personality would be super soft and delicate?? Because, yeah Mitsuba does have a soft side but not in that way, and it’s not at the forefront of his personality. Plus girl Mitsuba could still get bullied for looking too feminine, internalized misogyny is very much a thing

However, at the end of the day it really depends on personal preference so I’m not at all bashing either depiction of fem!Mitsuba. I go back and forth over which one I like more. Gender themes are a pretty big part of how I write Mitsukou so it’s hard for me to imagine that switched up, but it’s also incredibly interesting to think abt. All in all I like to keep fem!Mitsuba looking androgynous, maybe she has a boyish face but still dresses very feminine. Or maybe she has a girly face but dresses very masc. It’s one of those things I like a variety of interpretation on. For this I say she keeps the same hair length and pink cardigan but wears the girls uniform. So like yeah she basically just looks the same

As for Kou, those of you that read my wlw Kou//Nene fic should know that masc girl Kou is actually everything to me. A lot of fans sort of flip their gender presentations when gender bending them- Mitsuba becomes masc and Kou becomes fem. That’s totally great if that’s what you like but for me personally Kou is gonna be wearing Old Spice. I like to imagine her hair a tad longer in the back, like a choppy version of the Bisexual Bob. She wears some type of hoodie over her uniform the same way canon Kou wears a t-shirt under his uniform. The hoodie is blue btw (gotta incorporate the lore from my mtsk fics)

I feel like their personalities and dynamic would stay mostly the same! Maybe make them a bit clingier the way female friendships are but they’re already pretty clingy in canon lol. I do wonder if Kou’s flaw of not being able to open up about his feelings properly would change due to gender socialization. But many women (including myself) have that problem too so I think it would stay the same. She might be able to open up to Teru or Yokoo and Satou better but she’d still struggle to admit when she’s feeling overwhelmed. I could see her not being the type to tell someone how she’s feeling until all those emotions have built up for months. That’s how I’ve seen the whole “can’t talk abt your emotions” problem present itself in women. And men tend to only feel comfortable opening up to their romantic partners, which is something we very much see with Mitsukou in canon. But with fem!Kou, if Yokoo and Satou were girls two they would probably encourage her to talk abt her feelings rather than just being like “let’s give him a task to distract him” (which is fine too, men have different ways of comforting their friends)

Thank you for this ask!!

[keitorinrose]

can you tell us about your trolls x su au or tell us the basics of the story?

Sure! There probably won't be a lot of details because there's a lot of things i still need to figure out.

The idea for the au came because i remembered the song drift away and thought "this is so floyd and branch" and then it spiralled from there. None of this is final btw. things can and probably will change because I don't make aus often. 💀 Also don't think too hard about the su part of this au. Im probably only gonna use the basic parts of it and will barely use anything from the show because I'm mostly focusing on the movie of su and not the serie and epilogue.

I currently only have the roles for the main characters so

Branch is Spinel

Floyd is Steven (but he's still the one who makes the promise with branch even though in su that was pink diamond and not steven.)

Clay is Amethyst

Spruce/Bruce is Pearl

And JD is Garnet

I want to add viva, poppy and brandy too but I don't know which characters they would be yet.

So brozone breaks up. JD, spruce and clay leave and before floyd goes he makes the promise with branch, he stays and one day he'll come back for him. Years pass by and floyd still hasn't returned. Branch's colors are becoming duller as the years go by, he starts doubting himself but never fully gives up hope.

Here's where i struggle a bit with the story because i don't have a reason yet why floyd never came back. At some point floyd reunites with the others but idk the reason yet why branch isn't part of that reunion.

Just like in the song drift away i want branch to get a message that shows floyd and the others so that he realises that he's been abandoned and that floyd broke the promise. That's when branch would go grey. (Idk if I'm adding rosiepuff in this au)

So this is when the su plot comes in. Branch comes with the injector. He fights brozone and in the process everyone gets reset except floyd. When they get reset they're back into their roles before brozone broke up. So clay is back to being the funboy, spruce the heartthrob and jd the leader. With branch i think he would act more childlike or innocent? Because im not gonna make an adult act like a baby 💀

So now floyd has to figure out how to turn his brothers back to normal. I think the order of who comes back is gonna be the same as the movie so clay->bruce->branch->JD.

Oh and the others didn't know about the promise. they didn't know that branch stayed in the garden all those years, Floyd never told them.

Have not thought yet how floyd brings them back.

After clay gains his memory back they go back to the injector and try to turn it off when they realise it's harming the land. They make it worse and now the injector is going faster(?) So they realise they NEED branch to get his memory back or else they can't turn it off.

when floyd manages to bring branch's memory back they talk and he's on their side. He removes the injector and everything seems to be going fine. It's then when branch fears he is going to be abandoned again and thinks floyd will reset him again after he removed the injector so they fight. Somewhere during that JD gets his memory back too. I think most of this part from the movie I won't change. So floyd and branch fight one to one. Floyd sings the song "change" maybe? Idk yet. Branch saying that he can't just make everything better just because he sang a song. He tries to continue fighting floyd but he tires himself out so then this scene happens

I am changing the lines though. I think something like "i just want my brothers back." Idk

I think that's all i have at the moment. I'll add more to this post if i think of anything. Most of my ideas for this au was me looking at spinel clips and thinking "oh i can draw that with branch!"

I hope this is readable because I'm writing this during midnight and am NOT good at explaining stuff. 💀

If anyone has ideas i would love to hear it! because im not good at figuring stuff out

[billwasnot]

hi bill !

i was just wondering if you could offer some tips about how you made your alnst oc ? ( like transferring it onto para’s base and such )

im trying to draw my own oc out, but im heavily struggling with how to actually start and execute what i want to be on the profile

guidance from you would be very helpful ! your own profile looks like that of an actual character !

thank you if you answer this ! have a wonderful rest of your day bill <3

Hiii Apri

Sorry for the late reply!

So. The thing is, I didn't... really use Para's base. However I thought about it, and since Para's bases offer a general silhouette without facial features, I could offer some help in analyzing the general style of ALNST portrait designs, thus creating guidelines

So. Here I stretched every ALNST character's face (the ones that have portraits, I mean) over a basic oval shape to create some standard that can be later modified to fit any other facial shape you'd like.

Here, you can see some common traits already:

The features are situated pretty low on the face, with the eyebrows, as the highest part, being located roughly at the mid-point vertically

There's 3 basic nose shapes: line (Mizi, Acorn), teardrop (Sua, Hyuna, Tiya, Durian) and side triangle (Till, Ivan Luka)

Nose and lips are located close to the center of bottom-middle quadrant

There's a ton of variation in eye shape and size (Ivan's are the smallest and Mizi's the largest. Holy shit her eyes are huge.) All of them are located either at the very bottom of the middle row, or simultaneously in middle and bottom rows

There's at least one eyelid line right under the eyebrows, but some characters have too, the second one being right over the eyelahes. Mono- vs. double-lid differentiation?

Ears are located at approximately the same level as eyes, and heavily vary in size as well

All mouths (except Durian's) are drawn with a break in the line. Here I depicted them all in the middle, but that's bc I used mirror tool. In general, these breaks can be off to the side as well

(By the way, I applied the same process to my sona and found out that its eyes are too high. I planned to redo it a bit regardless, bht now I have a good reason to! So thanks for giving me a reason to study this artyle!)

And here are some thoughts on the style in general:

The lines are very free floving, varied in veight, sketchy even. The brush was probably textured, too. That's what was putting me off about my own profile, btw, the lines felt way too clean.

Shadows are done a bit darker and brighter than the base color. They're mostly located around neck and hair, though some characters (Hyuna in particular) have sgading on their faces to indicate prominent features

Portraits used in profiles have a light-blue filter applied over them. Probably an addition layer at partial opacity, or something.

But, tbh, when in doubt, just slap an existing character portrait under your own and tweak your drawing until it looks right

Hope this helps at least a little!

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Skipped the day yesterday because my PC died, but I’ll try to write more replies today!

Starting with the ones related to our recently posted drawings~ But there are also some about twst characters and ships: Malleus, Riddle, Sebek/Jamil and many many more.

hipsterteller asked:

*sees Azul and Idia making out* welp someone better take a picture

I’m pretty sure Jade and Floyd are already on it. Maybe Ortho too, but for more wholesome reasons than the tweels…

hipsterteller asked:

Dang it Kalim…

He just HAD to ask Jamil to come back as soon as possible!

Anonymous asked:

~ 🎵 There goes the vizier hauling ass, like always 🎵 ~

Lmao thank you for the mental image of Jamil racing through the streets of Silk City in his big-ass robes. Looks like he forgot to get the food though... Maybe he and Kalim could have some fish for dinner?

You’re welcome~ Poor Jamil, getting food from the store isn’t even his job, but he was nice enough to go, and for what? To race right back through the streets of Silk City in his big-ass robes 😭

If Azul, Jade and Floyd didn’t bring them a pizza this time, they’ll have to have fish for dinner…

Anonymous asked:

Jamil is gonna murder these people, he doesn't care if he gets in trouble. That reminds me, does the...oh who am I kidding, of course they knew Jamil is acting like a snake by using Kalim again.

Jamil is so sick and tired of them, it’s been 30 seconds and he is already done LOL

They probably haven’t seen each other in quite some time, and Jamil isn’t planning on doing his subtle-Kalim-seduction thing in front of these three, but I have a feeling they’ll still notice that there is something going on between them. They know a snake when they see one…

Anonymous asked:

We seen the mafia Octavinelle often visiting Scalding Sands, but what about the Shrouds visiting there since they are often with the mafia?

Oh Ortho would love to visit, but he doesn’t usually get to go with the Octavinelle trio and stays by Idia’s side; and Idia probably hates the idea of visiting Scalding Sands, because it’s way too hot, and Kalim and Jamil are there, and Kalim is annoying and Jamil is scary, and the whole thing is going to be awkward, what is this really, a college reuinon? Yada-yada, mumbling Idia noises.

But still, they’ll visit them at least once. Even if Azul isn’t persuasive enough, Ortho’s puppy eyes are going to break Idia’s will for sure.

snowblub asked:

Whenever I see a post of yours and I know it's yours btw I look at what's there then forget I'm following you then go up to press follow and then realise that I do follow you. Short memory struggles... The amount of times this has happened is a bit embarrassing ngl.

But at least now you know that you got someone who would follow you a hundred times if possible?? I just thought to tell you.

AHHH This is so sweet of you?? Thank you so much. The fact that my drawings give you an urge to press follow despire already following is such an amazing thing to hear! <3 <3 <3

Anonymous asked:

I made the mistake of showing a newer friend your twitter account, I did warn them...😭😭😭

Like yes I like you BEACUSE your problematic, someone has to speak for us :(

~Anon &lt;3

Ohh, I hope you didn’t have a bad fight with them, Anon. Having arguments and even falling-outs with friends because of ship-related content is always unfortunate :(

We can only speak for ourselves, but if you feel seen/inspired by the fact that we have the audacity to post our problematic stuff, I’m very happy to hear that!! <3 Thank you for supporting us.

Anonymous asked:

I've also been thinking about how Malleus threw off the dom/sub radar, and I think it's funny if he throws off everyone else's radar too and even himself guesses whether others are doms/subs wrong like 90% of the time LOL that's how we got rollo & mal flirting with each other, both convinced the other is going to rail them later that night, only to be met with disappointment😔 it's okay boys, there are plenty of gargoyles in the sea....

Anon THIS! I COMPLETELY AGREE lol Especially with Rollo and Malleus; I don’t know if Rollo expected anything from Malleus (he was being a tsundere, that’s for sure), but Malleus clearly read the room in… his own way…

We like to joke that this happens because Malleus learned the art of flirting from Lilia.

Now I can’t stop imagining Malleus’ confused blinks when he learns about the dom/sub positioning of some of the couples.

Anonymous asked:

Do you think Epel would like Heathers?

I don't know, Anon, I think Epel wouldn't really get Heathers 😭 But he'll appreciate the fact that it's less "girly" and more intense.

Anonymous asked:

"azul is only hot when he's angry" anon here. i changed my mind. i saw the light. im a redeemed soul.

Ah Anon! It’s good to hear back from you and see that you are no longer a hater of Azul’s natural immeasurable sex appeal. I’m sure Azul would be very pleased to hear that (and sexy) <3

(But in all seriousness I do wonder what made you change your mind…)

Anonymous asked:

I don't know if he's ever expressed a desire to become one in canon, but occasionally I cone across fics and fanart that portray Riddle as a Prosecutor. Every time I end up imagining him as an Ace Attorney rival and then end up laughing because I picture Phoenix thinking 'I thought I was done with the Von Karmas.'

Anon, he fits the role of an Ace Attorney Prosecutor PERFECTLY, and he would be SUCH AN ANNOYING BITCH TO PLAY AGAISNT LOL We love Ace Attorney very much, so we also joke about Riddle being a prosecutor from time to time. I have at least one sketch related to this topic but we posted it on ko-fi.

Our go-to is usually to give Ace the Attorney role, not only because of his name, but also because him being confrontational with Riddle is always a fun thing to imagine.

Imagine Riddle’s angry sprites as a prosecutor… he’s even worse than some of the Von Karmas… at least he doesn’t use a whip I guess lol

Anonymous asked:

i saw this sebejami doujin on pixiv and Sebek is my favorite boy along with Ortho so, what do you think about their dynamic?

They’re intriguing! It’s always interesting when someone who isn’t Malleus gets Sebek’s kind-of-sort-of-approval (a very important achievement I know), and Jamil somehow managed to do it. Maybe it’s because he managed to sit through Sebek’s hours-long rant about Malleus’ grateness in that one vignette, but it honestly shows just how interestingly their personalities play based off each other. Jamil is constantly done with everyone’s bs, but he’s unfrotunately tolerant enough to take a passive role and listen. But he is also enough of a tease to enjoy Sebek’s “cute” and silly moments, like when he watched him almost fight a goat during the Glorious Masquerade event. So I feel like to him Sebek would be a massive pain in the ass (and let’s be honest, with Jamil – who isn’t?), but also have his surprisingly endearing moments.

But this is based on their interactions in the Glorious Masquerade event + that one vignette in which Jamil promised to listen to Sebek’s odes for Malleus lol

blackbutlerfandomnerddomain asked:

Do you have any headcanons of if it's revealed Lilia and Malleus are married or at least SHOULD be? Cause, again, the idea of Silver never questioning kisses and what not until NRC when they said I Love Yous and kissed in public and someone pointed it out is so funny to be

The thought has never occurred to me because to be honest, just like Silver, I never question anything that Lilia does lol

But I can picture some people from the NRC being confused about Lilia and Malleus’ relationship, because they’re definitely closer than just being friends… so while I’m not sure if they would think about them as a married couple(or who should get married), some people definitely think they’re banging lol

And Silver is very chill about it… if only these people knew the whole truth about Lilia’s relationship with both Silver and Malleus… marriage is the last thing that would come to their mind lol

blackbutlerfandomnerddomain asked:

Hot take: Deuce gives Jack boob-jobs aka when you put a boner between the pectorals aka breasts/boobs and either the person receiving would move against the chest or the one who's chest is being used would squeezed their chest together and bounce. Thank my cousin for this random headcanon, never needed to know this was a thing but here we are

This 100% should be a thing, and Deuce 100% should do that, because Jack deserves it!!

This also 100% wouldn’t be Jack’s idea, so… I’m looking at Deuce knowing that he has seen this before. What are you reading/watching in your free time, Deuce?

[soleminisanction]

How did Steph become Robin and how did she become fired? I know it was her starting a gang war but how exactly?

I had this whole thing typed up last night with citations and everything and then the post editor glitched and I lost the whole thing. :/ So, take 2:

Around Robin issues #124-125, Tim's father Jack discovered that he was Robin and went to Wayne Manor with a gun to threaten Bruce over the whole thing. To keep the peace, Tim volunteered to step down as Robin and promised his dad that he'd give that life up forever.

Shortly thereafter (Issue 126), Steph was stalking Tim at his school because if she doesn't see him every day she immediately assumes that he's cheating on her. She arrived at just the wrong moment to witness his classmate Darla plant a kiss on him, took that as proof that he was cheating, and ran away without bothering to wait the ten seconds it would've taken to see Tim push Darla away and tell her, again, that he has a girlfriend, sending her off in tears.

Steph went straight home, made herself a Robin costume, then went to the Bat-cave and told Bruce she would be the new Robin now. And Bruce agreed to let her try.

It's never actually defined what Stephanie's motivation for this is, BTW. We're left to pick it up from context clues -- like the fact that she was perfectly happy being Spoiler and had zero thoughts or plans in this direction until she saw Tim "cheating," and the fact that she then immediately ghosted Tim for what's implied to be weeks, potentially months, with no explanation.

It is, however, implied that Bruce might be going along with it all as a -- quoting Alfred -- "scheme to lure Tim back." Which, yeah, is not great.

So Bruce sets Steph up with a non-homemade Robin costume and a stupid new haircut (it only looks passable when Damion Scott draws it, everyone else needs to stop trying) and gives her this ultimatum.

Remember this for a later post, this one got too long. This arrangement of theirs lasts for a grand total of two full issues.

Seriously. Steph is hired as Robin at the end of issue #126, and she's fired at the end of #128. She appears in, I think, one or two issues of Cass's Batgirl, maybe the same months' corresponding Detective Comics and Batman issues (I don't really care to look them up to double-check), and a single B-plot appearance in an issue of the contemporary Teen Titans mostly dedicated to Superboy calling her a backstabbing wannabe poser and telling her she'll never be welcome at the Tower because she's not the real Robin.

That is the only time those two have ever spoken, BTW. Which is why a lot of people have been annoyed that they're suddenly being written as buddy-buds in the recent continuity for no reason.

Anyway, the point is, Steph's Robin career lasted a grand total of 3 months out-of-universe and forty-nine days in-universe, which we know because she started calling her diary-based narration her "War Journal" and counting the days there. This was recently re-confirmed in 2021's Robins miniseries.

Which brings us to how it ended, which is where I need to correct you slightly, anon. The gang war wasn't the cause of Steph's firing, it was the result.

The cause was an encounter with a powered-armor-wearing assassin called Scarab, who'd been hired by an old enemy of Tim's to kill black-haired, blue-eyed boys in Gotham in the hopes that she would eventually kill Robin. Encountering Steph with Bruce convinced Scarab that she must've killed her target ("resulting in the need for a replacement") and she was preparing to leave Gotham when Bruce & Steph tracked her down.

Bruce suited up in some power armor of his own and went down to fight Scarab, giving Steph strict orders to stay in the Bat-plane and not touch anything. Over the course of the resulting fight -- in which Bruce does seem to struggle a bit but never loses his cool and never seems to be in more danger than he would be in other fights -- he repeats these orders to Stephanie no less than five times.

Stephanie does not listen.

Stephanie rushes into the building, continues to disobey orders once she's there, and immediately gets herself taken hostage. Her life is threatened by the bad guy and Bruce lets Scarab go to save her.

That incident is what gets Stephanie fired.

Interestingly, despite what Bruce said about this being "the precise moment [Stephanie's] out," he actually waits until his injuries from the fight have recovered to drop the bomb, and it's implied that he stretches that out longer than he usually would -- out to a full three weeks -- to give her time to stew. Which I find very interesting, I'll talk about it more in the later post.

The gang war comes in because he gives her some privacy in the Batcave to collect her personal belongings before she goes, including her personal files off the Bat-computer. While doing this, she decides it's a great idea to steal one of Bruce's, quote, "contingency plans" to "wipe out all crime in Gotham... if worst came to worst." This particular plan involved bringing all of the Gotham crime families under Batman's control, and Steph figured that if she could "set that in motion, show she could help him" then he might "take her back."

Unfortunately, one of the "Big Secrets" that she wasn't privy to as a result of being on probation was the fact that Matches Malone, the guy on whom the entire plan hinged, was actually one of Batman's secret identities, so when he didn't show up to the meeting she arranged... boom. A bunch of mafia heads ended up dead, and that led to retaliation from their subordinates. Cue War Games.

[irccum0n]

Hello! Sorry I've been dead with art, but I wanted to show off some characteristics that I've made with a friend of mine that I drew. (The family story with Avery, Larry and Thomas hasn't been forgotten about btw, I've just got another story going on that's been inspired by The Magnus Archives/The Magnus protocol that I'm making with an irl friend)

So, on the left, you see Phoenix! He's fully made by my friend as he's their older oc, who was then thrown into the story universe, lol. He's 18 ish and a big brother figure to some of the kids and teens, like Dez and Lonney, who are also shown in the picture. He's technically an adult, but all the actual adults who live in the house they live in count him as a teenager and for damn good reasons. He's got some anger issues he's working on through art and has leather gloves to keep him from setting stuff on fire as he's one of the avatars of The Desolation in the story.

The middle little dude is Dez! They're 16 and the avatar of the Spiral. It's not shown in the drawing, but they have unnaturally long, sharp fingers due to their connection to The Spiral. They struggle to do many everyday things with them, but they're slowly learning every day. They're very happy in their found family and have given everyone nicknames. (Phoenix's is Sparky and Lonney's is Foggy)

Lonney, the last person in the picture, is also 16. They're the avatar of The Lonely, aka supernatural depression is kinda kicking their ass. They've been friends with Dez for years and are pretty happy now having a nice found family (even if they have a resting disappointed face). They start emitting fog whenever they start disassociating or they get otherwise upset.

(All in all, their found family consists of 16 people, including these three goobers, soooo yeah, there may be art of the others if i get the energy to learn to draw more lol)

[thescribblings]

Welcome to my blog! Where i mainly post about my future leo; Orion! (Even though that's a nickname, lol)

I also have a future donnie design, who has been named (with the very generous help of @sinestrosmind) Akari! Or Aki for short :]

(I have a patreon if you're interested)

So, due to some unfortunate events, i am currently unemployed and struggling financially. I can't pay rent and due to mental illness, including cptsd, i am not currently able to get a job. As of right now, i am lucky enough to get to stay with a friend of a friend for free until i can start paying rent, the savings i have are just enough to keep me fed for a few months, tops. I hate to bring this to my own safe space, but the reality of the situation is that i need help. If you can and are interested, then please join my patreon. Anything would be infinitely appreciated, and that includes just sharing or liking this post. Have an amazing day, you beautiful creatures<3

As a patron, you get to see what I'm working on! I post wips, abandoned projects, and occasional writing, you also get to suggest my next piece or a prompt (although i can't promise that it'll catch my eye!), if I'm not sure what to draw next i might make a post and let you help me decide, you can make requests but I'm very driven by what personally interests me when i draw, basically I'm not able to draw something that i don't enjoy drawing. I also might just be burnt out, as i get burnout periods rather often

In the future i hope I'll post short comics that i myself draw, and gifs, animatics, anything really :] i just want to create, but i only started seriously learning to draw about a year ago, so it'll take a while before i do the things i need actual patience for lmao <3

I also occasionally post some Semi-Feral Polaroids content! It's a lovely shared AU @so-called-yokai and i put together where Orion and their gorgeous oc Eshra are romantically involved :]

I'm rather socially awkward due to ADHD, Autism, and social anxiety, so i can't promise that I'll respond to comments

Just know that i appreciate it a whole lot when you take time out of your day to tell me something!

I'm new to Tumblr ( I have only had it since the summer of 2023 ish). So bear with me as i learn how to use it!

I will post here very rarely (i can disappear for like 6 months at a time, that is a promise) but the rise fandom has motivated me to get better and draw again (hyperfixations go brr)

(i basically only draw Orion and Eshra but y'know-) oh, and i don't fuck with t-cest, that's nasty. I'm also not very invested in ships other than Semi-Feral Polaroids, so don't expect that from me

I made my own au a while back! I'm still fleshing it out and all, but i named it "slightly feral future leo (with ghosts)" or "sffl(wg)" for short. It's a very self indulgent "peepaw ended up in the past for no specific reason" au and it doesn't really have much plot yet, but i just like drawing cute turtle scenarios (a lot of the Leo's snoozing since they deserve a nap) or sometimes I'll draw some angst, (I'm very into angst, but I'm bad at drawing it lol)

Keep in mind that I've been very inspired by other creators and their au's when i created this one, most of it is cherry picked from others creations but i still like it. Even if some very well thought out and emotional concepts have been plucked and haphazardly shoved into my mess of an au, i just want to avoid as much confusion as possible by writing this long ass post ngl

I've decided to let people ask me things now. However, if you have any art requests whatsoever, just know that i only draw when I'm inspired and really, REALLY feel like it! I do still appreciate asks about my au if you're interested, though! (Art requests that i don't draw or can't draw might be saved for later and drawn in the future, btw. though it's not guaranteed)

If you couldn't already tell, i write a lot! I love describing things and telling some stories with drawings, so be prepared for some wordy and long ass posts, lol!

I also have a uh, rather neglected side blog (@a-variety-of-scribbles), it consists of literally anything except my scribblings

Now, have an amazing day you wonderful creature! (whatever you may be)

❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 🩵 💜 🤎

[amememightywarrior]

Sometimes I really struggle with the fact that my focus is actually my own original fiction but I don't want to post it online here because most only care about fandom and fan works...think I've only shown one friend any original writing of mine in the past like 6 years, painstakingly copypasted into discord a while back (sorry Francel, I still haven't continued the story I was showing you XD).

Sometimes I find self-published stuff from other people and find I have no interest. Or the writing's bad or unedited and I struggle already with reading stuff these days anyway. Like...is that me? Am I also like these people? Would I also engender the same reaction if I were to self-publish? Or even send in my writing to literary agents? Moreover, do I want people making fanworks of my stuff and getting the characterization wrong or making up things that aren't there because my writing isn't good enough for them and they have a bone to pick with me when all I'm doing is writing something I want to read and just happened to be marketable? I get that this is not often the case but I see people constantly bitching about this or that in a published work these days and just feel like I would ignore everyone completely so I don't have to deal with it. I'd be a terrible famous author. I'd also hire a team of lawyers to make sure no one makes some shitty hollywood derivative of my work that white washes and sanitizes everything until 150 years after my death, but I mean that actually seems like a smart thing to do these days if you don't want some asshole director coming in and saying 'what if the protag was some white dude and it was just a clone of conan the barbarian because i really wanted to direct conan the barbarian but they didn't let me!' (if you know you know) (i know a lot of lawyers btw so if i were ever in this situation i'd have a clause that lets me shut the whole thing down, like fuck that guy and his ego, he made a terrible movie and there's a reason they didn't let him take over conan the barbarian)

It's the same ol problem I've been wrestling with since first joining ff.net when I was 14. At least my family likes my writing. When my grandma was alive she totally shipped some of my characters together, which was hilarious. I think she'd enjoy the stuff I wrote after she passed. My parents probably wonder if I've quit entirely...

Well, since making it off duloxetine I've been a lot more motivated to write and draw. We'll see if I can get back to it. Will I share it with the world? ...only the fanfic, probably. If i ever get famous you'll know it was me because somehow dragons are involved when they normally aren't and there's one character with social anxiety who speaks in run-on sentences when flustered. Possibly it's the dragon with social anxiety. Also i've escaped the confines of tolkien-esque high fantasy and have no orcs or ogres or dwarves or elves. I'm tired of seeing those. oh and also tired of humans. you know what, next thing i write will be about birds. and dragons. bird dragons.

'add tags to help people find your post' go AWAY tumblr I do not wish to be found, i wish only to exist and occasionally be glimpsed from a distance by someone who respects me as a proper cryptid

[compassionatereminders]

Hi sorry for the long ask. i think i might have depression or something. I just feel like im always looking at people through some kind of mask, idk. Like i dont fit in anywhere. And sure at work that might just be normal for me bc ive always been a bit different than everyone else but i also feel like i have to pretend to be someone im not even with my best friend. Im just very low on energy all the time. I used to like art i think? I dont even remember if i actually liked it or just pretend i like it. Right now i feel like ive just been saying i like art because it's always been like that but do i really still like it? I sometimes dont draw for months. I feel like im not good enough at work, im a graphic designer but im not creative at all and im being compared to my coworker by my boss and it sucks. I just started my job 2 months ago but i already want to quit but i dont know what else i want to do. The only thing im maybe a bit decent and interested in is design and art even though i dont know if i even like it or if i just pretended to like it for too long that i dont know the difference anymore. On top of this my dad is sick and its incurable and he's literally gonna die soon and he's too young to die.

I just feel like something is wrong with me, at this point im hoping something is wrong with me so it can be fixed. I dont want this to just be my personality. But i dont really want to seek professional help because i dont want my mom to worry. There's so much going on for her already, im the person she depends on the most right now and i dont want to make this more difficult. And of course i also feel like its not bad enough to really count as any mental illness or something. I mean it's not that bad, it might just the the winter season that's making me sadder than usual. And the entire situation im in. And also the fact that i just dont know what i want regarding my job. So its not that weird that im low on energy and i dont want to draw something for my friend that he asked for even though i have 4 days in the week i dont have to work. But i dont draw on those days, i only watch series all day. In the morning i lie down on the couch and in the evening i get up to go back to bed and that was my entire day yesterday and Wednesday. Just no motivation to do anything fun other than this.

You dont have to diagnose me or anything but any personal thoughts on this?

Btw i started following your blog because somewhere last year when i could feel myself just needing some encouragement and positivity. The posts really did cheer me up a little for a while.

While I won't try to diagnose you, it does sound like you are genuinely struggling - and even if this does not qualify as mental illness, that should not prevent you from seeking help and answers. Because the earlier you reach out for support, the better are your odds of avoiding a severe mental health episode. And it's better to worry your mom a bit to get better than to bottle all of this up until it reaches the point of no return. Because you're right that something is going on here. And even if you aren't mentally ill, losing a parent is by itself a major life crisis and a very good reason to seek out therapy and support

[scourgefrontiers]

before i head to bed i have one last ramble post to make here we go

so for years ive had this on and off idea of becoming a teacher, specifically an art teacher. ive always loved art Obviously but ive also really always enjoyed sharing my knowledge of art with other people. i think being a teacher fits me to some degree yeah?

the thing is im not sure if its..a good? idea? to step into a new career path at this point of my life. i mean like not bc of age, im only 26 lol, but because ive worked So Hard to be some sort of animation industry professional, for Years, that it feels like almost a waste of time if i just change career paths like that? and i know thats not a very healthy way to think about it but thats where im at

in addition you apparently have to have a bachelor's degree and let me tell you. i do Not want to go to college, especially when im not 100% sold on the idea of being a teacher. if theres some way for me to get a teaching certificate license without having to go through a wholeass four year college course then great i'll consider it but right now this is more of a fleeting dream than anything else u_u

the reason im thinking about all this is b/c like..idk. being a small, small artist online is hard. i enjoy it 90% of the time! i love drawing cartoons for people and making them happy while making money at the same time. its fun. but i make Not A Lot of money, and every single month i get stressed right around this time b/c i usually dont have enough for rent yet. it usually works out, ive only had to have help a couple times (this month will..probably be included in that unfortunately), but overall i enjoy what i do. that being said, i long for a job/career that i can rely on to get me by more smoothly than this, yknow?

i want to buy my wife a bigger space. id love a house one day. id love a car. id love to buy little luxuries from time to time. like i used to buy my favorite db figs every now and then but i havent done that for two years. i rarely buy little treats like that for myself anymore bc 1) we dont have the space and 2) i feel like rent and food are more important and i have to spend my money on important things now. we barely even have enough to go to conventions or take vacations to a beach for two days out of the year. it's rough out here [note: i do not regret moving out when i did btw. i needed to for growth and boy have i grown like its insane, i love the person i am now. im just saying i do struggle a lot still with other things]

anyway yeah. i dont like to think about Giving Up my current aspirations of becoming some popular artist and making a living doing what i do right now (just more comfortably). but im starting to feel like if i want to improve our quality of life im gonna have to do that u_u idk

[yuanvei]

Long message 💌 Hello Yuan! This is 🍋 anon! I woke up this morning and saw that you finally posted xo lvl 2 right when I fell asleep lol seeing the 23k wc, I knew I was in for a long ride so I rushed to do my chores in order to read it right away!

Damn, this fic was darker than I thought it was gonna be. The intro got me so hooked, it was so so good. I can’t help but feel pity for the protagonist :( I’m so invested in this story and I really felt like crying whenever she struggled.

Minji is so kind, I’m worried what will happen to her. I have a theory about Minji but I could be wrong and just overthinking it. Also, I love Hee’s character! His conversation with the protagonist was kinda funny to me. When he stayed behind after Minji and Jungwon left, I already guessed what the poll was going to be about and DREADED it. This is so hard! What if we choose the wrong thing?? Also, I loved the song references you sneaked in there 👀

Iirc, you said back then you wouldn’t write for Enha anymore (maybe excluding Jungwon), but seeing your recent posts, I guess you changed your mind. You’re my fave writer fr. I love Jungwon so much and I’m thankful he’s your muse (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠) Have you seen En-Drama? It’s how I imagined the members throughout the whole time reading. XO (and your works in general) would be a huge hit if it was a drama, you’re THAT good.

I also wanna say that your layout is immaculate. And please don’t ever doubt or downplay your writing because it’s beyond just amazing. Trust me. It’s so immersive and really draws you in. Magnetic, if I may say. I aspire and strive to be a writer as good as you are. You’re definitely gonna be a successful mangaka someday.

I’m already excited (and nervous!) for the upcoming levels even though we have to wait for a while. I know this fic took a long time to create and you said you’ll do your other film projects so I hope you get some good rest and good luck with your studies as well! Keep safe always, and we love you 💓

🍋 nonnie !! :(( i cried lol- u have no idea how my heart dropped when i saw this ask from my notifs cuz like i was rlly sad bc there's barely any anon ask beside yours, so i thought ys;xo flops bc no one is interested enough to talk about it.. but your ask RLLY MADE MY DAYY THANK YOUUU SM FOR THIS SWEET MESSAGE<33 im vv grateful for u for taking your time to write this 🫶🫶

i'm so glad you love the intro as much as i do!! and the fact that u feel sm for the protagonist too, she is prob one of my complex protagonists as of now. and it's only going to get rlly rlly dark w the upcoming levels.

you can tell me more bout your theories hehe but i won't be able to tell more bc no spoilers 🤫🤫 im glad hee's character was lovable bc i keep giggling as well while writing his scene w mc >< ALSO IM HAPPY U NOTICE THE SONG REFERENCES

oh about enha, yep tbh I've kind of lose interest in them n and jungwon was the only reason why im still around but i have to say this comeback w xo and brought the heat back is def my fav !! not to mention that jake is looking too good recently—very much influenced by a cantonese film i've watched recently. 🤭

and about en-drama — i don't rlly catch up w enha's updates apart from their mvs & comebacks, I've seen en-drama many times on my yt but it doesn't rlly catch my interest, however i might watch it one of these days to get an inspo for ys;xo :D BUT YOU'RE SO GOOD TO ME THANK YOUU ,, i'm very happy that u think so :((

i'm glad u like my layout btw !! 😭 and once again thank you thank you VERY MUCHHH for all these encouraging words, i appreciate it from the bottom of my heart 🫠🫶 it's so sweet of u to spend sm of your time writing this and it's making me emotional lol ,, and yes you're going to become an amazing writer too, maybe even more better than me ! >:)) it's going to be a journey, but fighting and ik u can do it !! 🫶 and the mangaka part PLS ill keep these words forever in my heart I WILL ALWAYS COME BACK TO THIS THANK UUU

you're very kind 😭😭 im so happy you're around 🍋 anonnie,, i'll make to sure deliver a more better story thru xo level 3 !! have a good rest too !! stay safe, and take care 🥹🫶

[soul-eclectic]

this is too much to be in just the tags. okay here we go

i think that alonzo was a street cat for a good portion of his life. he has no memory of parents or anything though, and he only survived by hiding away & also begging humans for scraps (theyre how he got his name after all)

i think he strongly dislikes humans; he probably saw some horrible things happen out there tbh. he doesnt make fun of others for being housecats but he IS the type of guy to make his opinion known. every cat is well aware he dislikes them

gus & bustopher jones were the first cats ever to show him kindness, but he REFUSED to come to the junkyard because alonzo didn't think he needed help

hes very socially inept tbh...growing up with no friends, all foes kinda messes with you a little bit. hes not shy, he just learned cat social etiquette a lot later in life? (he eventually got to the junkyard after a cat fight with macavity btw

i think he was very confused by the tribe . at first. he was like "what do you MEAN you guys have a patriarch who can SEND cats to the HEAVISIDE LAYER ?????" and probably forgot to bow/yield to old deuteronomy for a while . hes gotten the hang of it though. he probably doesn't fully feel like he counts but whatever

he flourished in the junkyard though. he was always wearing a confident exterior but now that hes not struggling to survive, his personality really showed . he became especially cocky (which he always used as a coping mechanism. tbh, its probably the only reason he survived on the streets)

yk those posts that are like "when you try to be cool and mysterious but end up oversharing" thats him. he doesnt talk a lot but its amazing how much he can overshare in like two sentences

speaking of confusion, i feel like he picked up the protector role gradually. he met munkustrap while he was still training and he was kind of taken back by the fact that there was only one protector, so when he got to the junkyard, he started following munkustrap on patrol. other cats eventually noticed and joked about him being the second protector, and as alonzo continued to patrol & fight alongside munk, it just kind of became a Thing!

he likes validation a LOT btw. he will try so hard to earn it, he just likes hearing that hes doing a good job! he especially likes validation from munkustrap. alonzo thinks that other cats doubt his abilities (just based off of the things they say to him, like for instance cats asking him where munkustrap is while alonzo is patrolling, which isnt neccesarily doubting him but he is so Unconfident he takes it the wrong way) but i think he doesnt get these vibes from munk! he feels comfortable knowing that munkustrap sees him as capable; alonzo struggles with feeling inferior at times so the fact that he can walk alongside munkustrap makes him feel like an equal

i cant fit monochromatic siblings into my hcs. at LEAST biologically anyways. but it wouuld be cute if misto & victoria as kittens clung to the only cat in the junkyard that looked like them! (bustopher jones is their uncle but he is a bit scarce as we know). alonzo doesnt know what to do with kittens but he did make an exception for them

im tryinf to not mention my ship because i do ship alonzostrap and idk if op does. idk i feel like they would end up a couple gradually.!!!!!!! alonzo used munkustraps den "temporarily" until he could "heal up and go back to the city" but he never leaves. they become like room mates and besties and then eventually they start snuggling because its cold and then one day they kiss or something. but they dont talk about it until like two months later.

random things:

-he has a lip scar from a cat fight he had as a kitten. i love drawing him with scars

-hes a big tomcat, so hes a little Imposing at times. hes still shorter than munk & tugger though, just a little (theyre maine coon mixes)

-he wasnt imposing or even remotely percieved as a Threat when he first came to the junkyard though. he was all skin and bone

-he used to eat from the trash, so he is remarkably unpicky when it comes to food

-hes the more strict protector of the two; he says "no" more & questions cats a lot

-he can be a rather smooth talker, but after a certain point he will become a mess. stuttering and stammering everywhere

-him, misto & victoria have long conversations in some kind of sign language, because victoria is hard of hearing

-hes more of a listener. he could literally sit in silence forever and listen to someone (which is USUALLY munk) go on

I need y'all

(If you want)

To drop your Alonzo head cannons

I've been thinking about him a lot

And non replica Alonzo's are welcomed

[wearywinchester]

Tender

Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: When hiding an injury from Dean doesn’t go to plan, he’s there to give you the comfort you need.

Requested by @latenight-daythoughts: “Hey! I have a request for a Dean one shot please, could you do one where she gets hurt on a hunt and tired to play it off until they get back to the bunker and when dean patches her up it hurts more then she thought, so she starts crying and Dean comforts her and is all cute and sweet? I love your writing btw!!”

Word Count: 3.9k

Warnings: angst, injury, blood, fluff, comfort, kissing

Hurt. You got hurt on that hunt and you weren’t quite sure how you talked yourself out of it with Dean. Maybe you actually did, but a part of you told you that was more than likely impossible. Not with the look he gave you or the glance he spared down at your leg. But he seemingly took your word for it at that very moment.

Your eyes squeezed shut for a moment as you took a breath, trying your hardest to make it to the Impala sitting just a few feet away. Every ounce of pressure on your leg made it ache all the more as you walked, walked like you insisted you could do to a persistent Dean the moment he saw the look on your face. But you told him you were fine, staving his worries with a smile and a witty counter that had a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

It was fine, so long as you kept your weight off of it as much as possible until you could clean yourself up, it’d be fine. At least that’s what you’d told yourself.

You were relieved once you’d slipped in the front seat after Dean suggested you sit up there with him, Sam in the back, a quiet sigh leaving your lips as you slumped back against the leather seat. The fabric of your jeans over the wound on your thigh had been frayed on the brink of being ripped, but not enough to draw your eye should you be anyone but yourself or Dean Winchester. Stains of crimson hadn’t been visible on the dark denim material, but you were sure it’d be obvious the moment they came off.

As you sat, you felt that ache on your leg begin to lighten some, that pain shooting down it dissipating now that you hadn’t been standing on it.

It shouldn’t be that bad, not really, you’d snagged it along the edge of something sharp when that demon had thrown you with so much as a flick of her hand. You were sore overall, something a hot bath might help with when you make it back to the bunker. But you’d yet to see your leg, to see just what damage lay beneath your jeans.

“You sure you’re okay, sweetheart?” Dean asked, pulling your attention from your thoughts.

You looked to your left, Dean’s gaze shifting from the road to look at you for a moment or two before looking ahead.

“‘M fine, De,” you murmur, that aching burn on your thigh threatening to spill over your emotions and give you away in an instant.

He looks at you again in a lingering glance, his lips pursed in disbelief, brows furrowing at the way you looked down at your leg with a frown, or the way you brushed your thumb over that very spot you said was nothing. He saw how your lips twitched downward in a deeper frown for only a mere second, quickly brushing it off with a sigh and a bite to the inside of your cheek before he looked forward once more.

You knew, by the light tension in his jaw and the crease between his brows, you knew he could see there was more to it than that.

After a moment or two you scooted a little closer to him, your hand grabbing his own. He felt the way you brushed your thumb along his knuckles in an absentminded habit, your gaze fixed out the window in an attempt to set your attention on anything other than the burning feeling that simmered on your skin.

It was okay. You were fine.

Your hand hadn’t left Dean’s nearly the entirety of the trip, something he noticed and something he didn’t mind, something that had him smiling softly at the mere thought of it. But something that was just as quick to steal that smile was the very look on your face each and every time he glanced over at you, a slight frown on your lips that you weren’t even aware you had, and that crease between your brows very much there.

You sighed when he parked in the bunker’s garage that night, getting out before he could come and help you do it. The look on his face was evident that he wasn’t happy with that, those dimples appearing by the corners of his mouth as he looked at you over the roof of the car.

“I’m fine, Dean,” you say, meeting him and Sam at the trunk where you’d grabbed your bags.

“You say that every time, sweetheart,” he counters.

“Maybe this time you’ll take my word for it,” you say, brows raised as you put your bag over your shoulder.

He chuckles then, head shaking as he closes the trunk. You tried your best to be convincing, and so far he hadn’t pried, but that very same feeling was back now that you were up and walking around, pressure back on your leg seemingly worse than before.

You found yourself grateful that Dean had chosen to walk ahead, Sam beside you, making it just a little easier to hide the change in the way you walked. Just enough to get you to your shared room without being terribly obvious. But it hurt, it hurt more and it was becoming increasingly more apparent to you.

You were home, and that’s what made things a bit better for you. You weren’t in some motel anymore, weren’t in the Impala anymore, you were home in the comfort of your familiar place with your room, your bed, and Dean. Despite the nagging pain wearing away at you with every movement of your leg, you tried not to think about it that much, and tried not to think about how it’d feel upon taking your jeans off. How it’d look given that you haven’t even seen it yet.

Dean dimmed the lights in the hall and bid Sam a goodnight like he always did, twisting the knob to your shared room and pushing the door open. Everything was as you’d left it just three days prior, the bed still made and ready to climb in and Dean’s slippers still tucked halfway under the bed, his pajama pants still slung over the back to the small desk chair.

“There’s no place like home,” Dean chuckles, sighing as he drops his duffel bag on the floor at the foot of the bed right next to yours.

You watched as he untied his boots and stepped out of them, unease settling over you as you took your own boots off, fighting the urge to scrunch up your face at the way your jeans pressed into your leg as you bent down.

You couldn’t hide this from him forever, you don’t think that’s possible when you really think about it. But you still weren’t willing to give it up, you could see the look on his face already if he knew. So, you bit the inside of your cheek and shrugged off your jacket, eyeing him with a soft sigh.

“I’m gonna go shower before bed,” you say, smiling when he turns to face you.

He simply hums, dipping down to kiss you.

“Don’t be too long,” he murmurs against your lips, pulling back with a grin.

“Is it ‘cause you’ll miss me too much, Winchester?” You ask, brow raising in amusement.

You watch as the corner of his mouth quirks upwards, a laugh leaving his lips as he nods to himself, tugging back the blankets on the bed. It very much was the reason and he knew it, no matter how much Sam picks on him for it all in good fun, he just can’t help it.

“That’s exactly why,” he says, tossing a clean flannel of his your way along with a pair of boxers because he knows just how much you love to wear them to bed. Doesn’t even need you to tell him that very fact because he sees you snag a pair from his drawer every night without a care that he’ll see you stealing them either.

You stand there for a moment more as you look at him, your smile soft and fond as you hold the clothes in your hands. After that moment, you find it in yourself to turn on your heel and step into the hall, heading towards the bathroom. Your heart was bursting with the very thought of him sharing his clothes with you, of the very idea that he’d been so thoughtful, but the wound on your leg was making it awfully difficult to think about anything other than that.

You switched the light on and closed the door behind you, setting the clothes down on the counter. You turned the faucet on and stuck your hands under the tap, the water cold as it splashed across your face. It was a little more refreshing than you felt before it, soothing the fatigue that’d been settling over you only temporarily.

Dread simmered in the pit of your stomach at the thought of having to take off your jeans, but it wasn’t doing you any good to keep them on.

You exhaled a sigh, eyes squeezing shut as you hooked your fingers in your belt loops. It was fine until you got about halfway, and you found yourself fighting the urge to let out the cry that’s been sitting in the back of your throat, the feel of the rough material scraping over your thigh making it all the more difficult to stifle it.

It was then that you saw it, the blood smudged over your leg and the scrape that ran across your skin, angry and red as it tapered just above your knee. You ran your hands down your face at the sight of it, having been less than ideal but you knew it couldn’t have been good.

You kicked the dirtied jeans to the side in frustration, sighing as you opened the cabinet below the sink. You snagged the first aid kit and the bottle of peroxide just next to it, grabbing a clean wash rag.

This could have been avoided, maybe, but at that moment you were struggling to figure out just how it could have been. Demons were unpredictable, able to sense a trick with ease, able to tell when someone’s lurking with the intent to leave one less demon in the world. They give ample opportunities to be outsmarted, though, but this didn’t seem to be one of those times. There was no match for a human against the powers they hold save for the weapons that served you no use that day. You were thrown clear across the room without a beat of hesitation, something done with ease.

So maybe, just maybe it wasn’t avoidable this time.

You knew Dean saw it, he had to. It was more than obvious that there’d be repercussions to being thrown a good seven feet into a less than unforgiving cabinet. He knew you better than to believe that you were as fine as you say you were. He knows you like the back of his hand, can see your stubbornness from a mile away because he’s the very same.

You wet the wash rag at the sink, taking a seat on the bench by the showers. You began to blot away the blood, nose scrunching and eyes squinting as the burn of the jagged scrape worsened from it.

It was then that there was a knock on the door, a more than familiar voice on the other side.

“Sweetheart? ‘M coming in, I forgot to—”

Your eyes widen as the door opens, gaze meeting green eyes before his stare shifts downwards to the rag in your hand, splotches of a pale crimson staining it. They bounce to the source, to the irritated and red scrape dragging along the outside of your thigh, nearly classifying as a cut but not quite.

“Y/n.”

“Dean, it’s not—”

“What, ‘it’s not a big deal’?” He says, anger seeping into his tone. Not at you, never. It was when he thought back to that hunt that has him angry.

“Dean,” you sigh.

He’s quick to cross the tiled floor, kneeling in front of you. He nudges your knee with his hand gently, the tips of his fingers brushing along your skin. You saw the crease between his brows deepen, lips parted as his eyes bounced over the entirety of the wound on your leg. You can see the way his jaw tenses, tight and unwavering and if it were possible, steam would be coming out of his ears at that moment.

“Damn it, Y/n,” he says quietly, a frustrated huff leaving his lips. “You didn’t tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to freak out,” you reason, brows furrowing as you tilt your head to the side slightly.

His gaze narrows up at you in disapproval, your reasoning something that was near laughable to him, you even knew it was ridiculous too the moment the words fell from your lips.

“You can bet I’ll freak out,” he says, his chuckle humorless as he runs his hand down his face. “This is exactly why I didn’t want us to split up.”

“Well, we did.”

He bit the inside of his cheek as he looked at you, breathing out a huff through his nose. He was upset more than anything, with himself you could tell, could see the frown on his lips as he grabbed the wash cloth from your hand and picked up where you left off.

He was gentle as he wiped away the dirt and blood smeared around it, more so than you despite the white-knuckled grip he’s got on the tattered cloth. You tried to keep your attention on anything else, anything other than the way your leg had been so sensitive even the most mild of touches as hurt. You tried to keep your gaze on him, distract yourself with the abundance of freckles speckled across the bridge of his nose and over his cheeks.

They were easy to distract yourself with on any given occasion, on times where you didn’t need to be distracted, when you shouldn’t be. But for the life of you, you couldn’t bring yourself to get lost in counting them this time, not with the numbing pain serving as a painful way of keeping you fixated on just that.

“You should have told me,” he says quietly, residual anger still wrapped around his tone with the softness of his words. But he was more concerned than angry.

You puffed out a humorless laugh through your nose, your grip on the bench you sat on tightening some. “I’m not exactly jumping at the idea of running to my boyfriend every time I get hurt on a hunt.”

Your tone is frustrated, embarrassment simmering in the pit of your stomach over the current situation you were in, not to mention the way it happened. You’d never get taken seriously if you ran and cried to Dean each and every time you got hurt. You barely felt like an adequate hunter as it is, you didn’t want to add to it. You would have been fine if he hadn’t seen it.

“Y/n, this isn’t some puny little paper cut, okay? This is way different than just slapping a bandaid on it and kissin’ it better.”

“I said I’m fine, Dean,” you say, jaw tensing as you look away.

You hated the way your voice was beginning to falter, swallowing thickly in hopes to push down the persistent lump in your throat. Now was not the time to cry, not in front of him. That would only make matters worse and you don’t think you could handle that.

“It doesn’t make you weak to ask for help, not even a little bit. You don’t have to play the tough guy act all the time.”

You stay quiet as you continue to look away from him, the pressure building behind your eyes. When you glance down you see he’s got that dreaded bottle in his hand, popping the cap open with his thumb. He’s hesitant as he tips the bottle, the clear peroxide having poured steadily over every inch of the wound on your leg, bubbling and stinging the moment it touches the damaged skin.

You felt your lip begin to quiver, near uncontrollable as it throbbed and burned, the pain worse than you thought as you bit down on your lip. It was almost unbearable, a numbing kind of pain that brought heat to your cheeks and quickened your heart. That pressure behind your eyes increased then until you just couldn’t handle it, lip free from your teeth as you hid your cry in your shoulder.

But it turns out, you’re not that good at hiding, not from Dean Winchester. Not that it was very hard to notice either.

He stopped immediately, gaze flickering to you, cheeks wet with hot tears and lip quivering in a way that tugged at his heart. His hand settled on your cheek, a gentle nudge to get you to look at him.

“Sweetheart,” he starts, the fond nickname something that makes you cry all the more in that moment.

You wrap your arms around him and he settles back a bit as he holds you closer, brows furrowed and jaw tense because seeing you so upset is one thing he can’t handle. Seeing you cry is something that tears him to shreds every time.

His grip on you is tight, his stubble pressing into the side of your neck. He’s cautious of bumping your leg, his throat clearing to try and stave off that pressure constricting around his throat from that very same lump forming as it did you. You could feel the kiss he pressed to your cheek, one to your temple, lingering and sweet. Dean Winchester could be the gruffest man anyone’s ever seen, but he’s got the softest heart, and if there’s one thing he can do without fail it’s comfort.

He finds himself pulling back when you loosen your grip, lip still wobbly as ever as you look at him with glossy eyes. You wipe your cheeks with the back of your hand, cheeks that burn with embarrassment for crying even though he didn’t mind it in the slightest. He didn’t mind the tears on his shirt, didn’t mind the snot to go with it. That’s the least of his concerns, they all pale in comparison to you.

“It hurts,” you whisper, your gaze shifting to his at the feel of his hand on your cheek, calloused and warm.

“I know it does, baby. Hell, I couldn’t even imagine what that feels like,” he says, smiling softly. “But ‘m almost finished and the ugly part is over, I can promise you that. You just gotta let me take care of you, okay?”

You nod, the patience in his words having set you at ease as you sniff, wiping your tears once more when his hand falls from your face in favor of sorting through bandages. He comes up with a few cotton pads, laying them over the length of the freshly cleaned wound as you sit there, still sniffling from having cried.

He’s more than careful as he takes the roll of gauze and wraps it around your thigh, securing the bandages completely with care to not make it too tight before he tucks in the loose end.

“You’re good as new, sweetheart,” he says, looking up at you.

You flash him a look, biting the inside of your cheek as you laugh softly, not quite humorous. “I’d hardly call it that.”

You’re grumbling, but he takes that hint of a smile as a good thing, standing halfway to press a kiss on your cheek and one to your lips, another to your forehead as his hand brushes over your cheek before he stands fully and swipes the clean clothes from the counter.

You stand with a look of unease, trying your best to keep the pressure on your good leg before that dreadful pain can jolt up your other. You shrug off your shirt in favor of his flannel, the soft material hanging loosely from your shoulders in a heap of warm and fabric softener and a hint of his cologne. It’s a simple thing that amounts to more comfort than you can express, the mere feeling of it putting you at ease.

He helps you with your pajama bottoms, trying not to fuss over you as you did it yourself, instead offering his arm for your balance that you found yourself needing more than you thought.

Your bed was more comfortable than you’d imagined coming home to, leaps and bounds better than that motel mattress. The sheets were soft and they too smelled like Dean, the blankets warm and hefty as they rested over top of you.

Dean brought you close enough to nearly share a pillow, the events transpiring earlier that day on the hunt having sunken deep in the pit of his stomach and simmered there, bringing with it that anger that hadn’t quite left. It made his stomach twist and churn each and every time you got hurt, the blame he put on himself having picked at him every single time without fail. Especially when it brings you to tears, especially when it’s got you so bothered it’s got you crying into his shoulder.

He hates it, he hates that part of hunting.

But regardless, those kind green eyes meet your gaze as he looks at you with a soft smile, his fingertips brushing along your cheek. He’s got that look on his face, one that’s telling of something humorous sitting on the tip of his tongue just waiting to be spoken.

“What, De?” You sigh, feeling the residual tension of your tears beginning to dissolve just a little more.

He chuckles, looking down for a moment as he shakes his head. “If I were you, ‘think I might’ve cried way sooner than you did.”

You roll your eyes then, a smile tugging at the corner of your mouth. “Dean, that’s a lie and you know it.”

“Is not,” he insists, lips pursed to stifle his smile.

You look at him, tired and amused as you make no effort to hide your smile. He’s got that smile, that one that makes your cheeks burn and your heart flutter every time he looks at you like that.

“Whatever you say, Winchester,” you sigh, leaning up and pressing a kiss to his lips.

You find yourself lying atop his chest as he turns the tv up a little bit more, his chuckle rumbling against you. He tossed the remote down, the very tip of your finger tracing over his chest. Your legs tangle with his own, your injured one on top as you turn a bit more on your side. He’s got reruns of your favorite show on because he knows you’re too tired to watch the new ones, knows you like to have it on when you fall asleep.

“Goodnight, De,” you whisper, pressing a kiss to his chin before sinking back down on his chest.

He smiles in that moment, soft and sweet as his thumb brushes back and forth over your shoulder lightly.

“Night, sweetheart.”

You’re fine. You’ve got him and you’re okay.

—

Tags: @flamencodiva @stixnstripesworld @elegantbutedgy @humanmistakes @agalliasi @deandaydreaming @campingmonkey @lanea-1 @akshi8278 @kidd3ath @taikawho

[heloflor]

I already mentioned it in this post but it’s very interesting to me how there are quite a few mentions in the Telltale games of both Sam and Max struggling with self-hate, regardless of the shitty execution of those ideas. And it’s also interesting how it’s expressed differently for both.

TRIGGER WARNING : mentions of depression, self-hate and suicidal thoughts

With Sam, it’s shown through him having some pretty heavy self-esteem issues, with the most obvious being his negative body image with Sam finding himself too fat.

Bit of a side note about that : I know it was said in the other post already but I’m really not a big fan of how they treated Sam being overweight. Pretty much every joke about it is about a character calling him fat/insulting his weight, and the fact that Sam struggles with his appearance only makes it worse by making those moments very mean-spirited.

And it’s even worse when you compare it to the cartoon. In it, it’s very obvious that Sam likes food but nobody points it out or mocks him for it. It’s just small moments like him stealing everything on the table in “Max Big’s Day”, the pasta joke in the Gator episode, him accepting a whole trail of food in the first episode etc. They managed to make Sam liking food a part of his personality without drawing attention to it in a negative light, which is pretty sweet. And while I would’ve loved for cartoon Sam to have the insecurities Telltale Sam has, I’m completely fine with him not having them if it means seeing a character liking food without it being the butt of the joke.

The worst thing about those jokes though has to be the fact that Sam isn’t even that fat. Yes he’s a bit overweight but, given he’s middle-aged, he’s “dad-shaped” more than anything else honestly. It’s completely normal for a man his age to look like that, and a lot of his weight are probably muscles anyways. If anything, instead of being so mocking, the other characters should focus more on the worrying amount of junk food he and Max eat and the long-term repercussions it can have on their health. Hell, we already know from “Poker Night 2” that Sam reached a stage where he’ll die if he doesn’t eat sugary food…

Ultimately, I’d say the only “fat jokes” that make me laugh in Telltale are the one with Sam holding his younger self at gunpoint and the one when the Superego insults him. And for the Superego one, that’s because 1. It comes out of fucking nowhere, 2. I love Sam’s reaction, especially his little insulted shoulders shrug, 3. The ego immediately apologizes afterwards. Idk, there’s just something comedic about this moment.

Btw I’m also fine with Sybil pointing out Sam’s weight in 305, since Sam is the one being an asshole by projecting his insecurities onto Sybil being “fat” due to her pregnancy, so Sybil has every right to call him out.

But overall, the only saving grace regarding the fat jokes in the trilogy is the fact that, not only is Sam one of the main and titular characters (and the one playable character !) instead of a “comic relief side-character” cliché like most overweight characters are, but Sam is also the smart one of the two, again going against the “fat character” cliché. Plus, Max has a bit of a stomach as well but never talks bad about his appearance, although this doesn't change the fact that the fat jokes about Sam are of bad taste.

On top of his body issues, Sam seems generally insecure ? I mean, in 304, there’s that thought Sam can have about how much more powerful Max is now and how he might not need a partner anymore. The way he villainizes Hugh Bliss in S1 and how much it looks like jealousy due to Max’s crush on Bliss could also be rooted in insecurity.

And thinking about it, maybe this could be one of the reasons why he’s so protective of Max (aside from caring about him of course) ? This is probably a stretch but what if Sam protecting Max makes him feel “useful” in some way ? I mean, he is a dog, so maybe he sees it as his duty to be there for Max and might be afraid of Max not finding him “useful” anymore ? (again going with his thought from 304)

Hell, going even further on the weird theory, given how close Sam seems to be to his grandmother, and given how Ruth is a pretty badass person, what if Sam was trying to sort-of walk in her steps ? Or maybe she told him stories about Sameth that made Sam wish to prove himself ? (again, that’s a veery long stretch)

As for Max, first off, it’s pretty funny to me how he has no body issues at all compared to Sam. Max has mentioned a few times that he finds his own body hot, the best example being 201 with him talking about his future self. And honestly, I don’t think Max finds himself unappealing nor is he trying to “overcompensate” by acting this way. He does seem to genuinely find himself attractive. After all, we are talking about a guy who walks around naked and flirts quite a lot. He also has a superego so…

But on a psychological level, Max is hinted to struggle a lot more. First of all, you have his “lazy” side from 106 when he gets blissed out. This side of him clearly seems depressed more than anything else.

There’s also something I saw someone else mention : the fact that the trilogy mentions once or twice that Max takes pills, with Sam taking care of the prescriptions. We’re never told what those pills are for, so maybe it’s for his depression ?

I guess I could also talk about how in the cartoon Max shuts down whenever he’s not with Sam like in “Max’s Big Day” or during the breakup flashback in the finale, same for the vr game with 1-2 lines hinting at his internal struggles. But this post is more about the Telltale trilogy, tough those instances are worth mentioning.

Then, there’s the Superego, a major part of Max’s brain that literally hates him and wants to kill him. Since he’s part of Max, doesn’t that mean Max shares those thoughts as well ?

Another thing about him : I’m part of the people who don’t think he truly wanted to save Max in the end. Maybe he was surprised by Max’s wish to save Sybil and her kid, but I do believe that the ego still intended to get Max killed and only used Sybil as an excuse to pretend a change of heart. In my eyes, the reason why he talked about saving him was because he was aware of the Maimtron coming in 4 minutes and wanted Sam to be safe, and he knew Sam would never leave unless he was persuaded that Max would be fine.

After all, if the Superego is part of Max, wouldn’t that mean he cares about Sam at least to some degree ? Overall, he doesn’t really insult Sam outside of the “well you’re fat” comment (tho he is pretty condescending + obviously all his insults against Max pisses Sam off) and even waves goodbye to him when the trio leaves.

(Tbh, I like to headcanon that, since he’s part of Max, the Superego has feelings for Sam but hates it because, being a Superego, he doesn’t want to care about anyone but himself. So he’s salty that Max’s feelings are forcing him to care about someone he wouldn’t give a shit otherwise while at the same time being unable to “turn off” those feelings)

All this to say that the Superego is part of Max and the thoughts he has are thoughts Max most likely has as well. So him committing suicide was likely something Max desired as well. It’s kinda interesting actually how the Superego wanted to go in an explosion of glory. While obviously he’s an ego so of course he wants people to notice him, the way he wants to die does sound like something Max would want for himself (not me wishing the Superego had some mannerisms/animations that are either similar or reminiscent of Max’s).

I’d also like to mention the whole “Alternate Max saying that he blew alternate Sam up” from 305’s ending. First of all the way he says it with a smile hints that he’s hiding his true feelings about the situation, unless that’s just how he reacts to incredibly distressing events, kinda like how nervous laughter is a thing. But in any case, it shows distress from him.

But more than that, I want you to think real hard on the implications of a suicidal person, who jokingly said in the past “when I die, I’m taking you with me Sam !”, finding himself in a position where the one he loves more than anything else has to be killed. How much do you wanna bet that alternate Max only accepted to blow Sam up because he very much intended to jump on Sam and die with him, only for Sam to shove him away at the last minute ?

Side note : I really like how you can read 305 with the lenses of trying to prevent someone from committing suicide. I mean : The fact that Max turns into a self-destructive person that also ends up hurting those who get close to him. The fact that the major characters spent a week trying to find a way to get inside Max’s head. The fact they eventually give up and start considering putting Max out of his misery. Sam refusing to give up on Max and doing anything he can to save him because Max is worth everything to him. The fact that the only hope to save Max is to change the Superego’s mind, aka making Max realize that he’s worth living. The fact that the robot toy, which is the main item needed to help Max, is collected by having Sam bring Max to different places to make him remember things, and all those memories are making Max smile, so one of the main ways to save Max is to remind him of happy times…

I don’t know if anybody who’s a lot more knowledgeable on the topic of depression ever made an essay about this case, but if so, I would love to have it linked because this stuff is incredibly fascinating to me !

Something else I’d like to mention, though we’re heavily getting into headcanon territory here : if Max hates himself, what does he hate about himself exactly ? Because looking at how “wild” Max is, plus the fact that he and Sam were bullied as kids, I can’t help but wonder if maybe Max considers himself a “freak” and kinda hates his urges and impulses and how he can’t control them even if he tries. And yes this is based on the disdain the Superego has for those parts of Max.

Then there are other small things that can spruce his self-hate, like Max often getting himself into trouble or having memory issues, to name a few. Again, what if Max also struggled with those ?

Which leads to another situation : Max hiding how he feels deep down about himself. Heck, remember how in 205 Max mentions that he’s allergic to dogs but never talks about it and just goes on without complaining ? What if Max internalized his self-hate in general ?

Tbh thinking about it a bit more, Max also struggles in regard to his height, and I think that’s actually the only thing Max is openly insecure about ? I mean, given all the “f*scists” comments and other small moments of frustration (him taking growth supplements in S2 and being sad Sam didn’t notice, or getting mad at Grandpa Stinky in 301), he doesn’t really hide it.

Yet another side note : Mentioning Max’s memory issues got me thinking about how terrifying it must have been for his older self when older Sam started getting dementia, making him panic over which things Sam forgot that he also did, on top of forcing him to step up and be the responsible one.

And as another side note regarding Max being impulsive and having memory issues : can I just say how much I love how patient and accommodating Sam is about it ? I mean, we have several instances where we clearly see that he doesn’t mind having to repeat things for Max, like how he constantly reminds him he doesn’t like girls, the “I’m right here little buddy” from 104 that sounds more concerned than annoyed, or even the first dialogue with Grandpa Stinky in 301 with Sam giving exposition and, when called out on it, says he’s doing it for Max. It’s also pretty sweet when you consider how Sam loves going on and on about random stuff, so he probably doesn’t mind repeating things because it gives him an excuse to ramble.

Idk, I just find it very sweet how in general Sam absolutely ADORES Max just the way he is and doesn't mind having to help or accommodate him. And while he can get annoyed by a few things like Max’s violent tendencies, by the end of the day he wouldn’t want his bunny any other way. 💖 I also feel like this is the kind of positivity that Max needs, given how low he seems to think about himself…

Finally, something that is 100% headcanons but I still wanted to mention it : the fact that Telltale Max is explicitly gay and grew up in the 70s/80s. At least from my understanding of the characters, Sam and Max were born in the late-60s/early-70s, were teens in the late-70s/early-80s and are adults in the late-80s/early-90s when their adventures start.

This means that not only was Max bullied and excluded since he was a child due to being “weird” and “dangerous”, but it’s also likely that he started getting bullied as a teen for never showing interest in women. And don’t get me started on the can of worms we can open if we consider the real-life context of those times, more specifically the early 80s…

Speaking of bullying, my headcanon for the “Max forgetting he doesn’t like girls” joke is that, after being heavily bullied in high school, Max grew tired of this shit so he started pretending to like women, hence why every single time he talks about women it’s a sexual joke and is about several women instead of one, because he’s just trying to imitate what “chads” would say. And as an adult, he either keeps forgetting that he doesn’t have to pretend anymore, or making those jokes became a “reflex” of sorts since he started them as a form of self-defense.

This headcanon also works with what happened in 204 with Mama Bosco : basically, going to prom and pretending to flirt with girls made other boys react positively to Max, and Max realized that he enjoyed this feeling of belonging. So he grew up pretending to be a lady’s man, because as long as he showed interest in women in the most stereotypically heterosexual way, other boys his age would treat him more as a friend than a freak. Also in 205 the way he keeps mentioning how much he’s into Mama Bosco just sounds like he’s absolutely desperate to be viewed as straight, despite the fact that he flirts with Mr.Reaperphone (the karaoke machine) less than 5 minutes into the case.

All this to say that Max’s sexuality could also have led to a lot of self-hate at some point in his early life, although I feel like his relationship with Sam absolutely made those feelings much easier to deal with. The fact that he’s comfortable showing attraction to many men also could hint that he’s doing better on that front, even though the depression is still there, but for other reasons.

Annnd I have no idea how to conclude this aside from repeating what was said in the intro.

Yeah, this whole post is just some incoherent babbling about some half-developed thoughts. And given how old this franchise is, including the trilogy, for all I know this stuff was already debated about in the past and I’m just parroting stuff people already know. Still, I needed to get that out of my system so…